#he seems pretty stable! still wants to be important / important to other people (see making friends w yaeka)

[lord-shitbox]

one day ill post an essay about sugihara's praise kink but for now you guys gotta trust im right. say 1 nice thing to this man and he is on his knees

[wszczebrzyszynie]

hello! i've seen you've mentioned the sibling relationship between przemek and lena in your last post and the topic seems really interesting. would you have some time to get into it more? or are there any already published posts of yours talking about them?

truth be told i dont remember what i talked about already on here exactly but im pretty sure this will be the first Przemek-Lena relationship mini essay to post. well either way as always its under the cut and thank you for being interested in my ocs 💐😊 if dns was real (a real piece of media not a real story) and for some reason started doing huge numbers i firmly believe Lena discourse would be the most divisive

Lena is at the beginning the only person in Przemeks life he gets to somewhat depend on; despite her being younger (Przemek is 17/18, and Lena is around 15), in his eyes she was an anchor to him of sorts, someone to hang out with, and, once he gets hired, someone to come back to. While both of them are very family-oriented in general, the relationship they have with one another was for the longest time most important to them, and went back to back with both their ages (theyre the closest in age compared to the rest of the family) and their closely shared experiences, compared again to their other siblings - after Przemeks accident, it was Lena who took care of him the most (their father has already passed away at that point, their mother wasnt exacty capable of doing that at that point in time (after which Przemek became her favourite of sorts; she latched onto caring for him after the worst has already passed, not out of malice, but more as a hm, compensation, and out of guilt). This post accident time is the most meaningful moment that formed their relationship going onwards, establishing Lena as a sort of... caretaker figure in his mind, someone who didnt leave him and who he could depend on. For Lena this wasnt exactly the case - while she wants her family to be able to depend on her, in her mind it was a more equal relationship, she saw Przemek as the same as her; they both had to navigate their family falling apart as young children, had to take care of themselves and of each other, having to mature too fast, lived through Przemeks accident together, and now got to go into life with all that baggage. They were never fully honest with each other, and never talked anything through, but they didnt have to, as the idea of their relationship they had in their heads was enough for them. This disonance is what sets the stage for Przemeks overarching arc

Him leaving to work in the palace was different for both of them. For Lena it was loosing a part of herself, the only person she thought could understand her, but she was willing to go through it knowing its for greater good. For Przemek it was a lot of regret and fear of other people, lacking the person he depended on. And while Lena, who now is deemed the dependable one for good, the most stable pillar in their family, stays the same at their family home, Przemek gets to change and grow after meeting new, often outcasted and strange people. They both start as tools to be used and be useful, but where Lena stays that way even in her brothers eyes to some extent, Przemek doesnt. In some way, the role he made Lena fit into in his head, was instead taken by Ryba, in a much clearer and reciprocated way. Przemeks unability to see Lenas struggles, him putting her on the pedestal, someone to save him, despite her still being a child, is mirroring the way their mother sees Przemek; something he recognizes she does, something that makes him into such a mess in the first place, but doesnt do so in himself and his treatment of Lena. With Ryba on his side this issue doesnt reappear - they start as strangers, in a vastly different enviroment, and even when they end up codependent on each other, its more similar to the way Lena saw Przemek, than the way Przemek depended on her. And, under Rybas influence (and Mikitas unbearable behaviour), Przemek gets to start mentally leaving his depressing family home

Its Przemeks slow change that starts triggering the rift between them; it esentially questions the before unquestioned status quo of the siblings relationship. Przemek leaves his home for a month, comes back for two days, and leaves again. And in those two days every time it feels like he comes back a different person. Hes not afraid anymore, or at least, not of the palace, but starts being anxious over his home. Hes more open about it, too, at least to Lena. He grows less reserved, more content and, generally, more happy. While in the beginning she is able to ignore it, after each visit she slowly realizes shes being left behind. To her, this is losing a part of her life that was constant, that she too could depend on; something that made everything less dull, someone she loved and who loved her, as cold and tough as that love often was. Shes becomes disgusted by her brother - to her, hes getting weak, hes selfish, and even if hes now happier, she wasnt allowed the same chance. Instead of now sharing their pain together, she is now completly alone, being abandoned by the only person she thought understood her. And this resentment is something that carries on even after he apologizes; she cannot fully forgiving him now that she knows they are not and were never the same. While it never was Przemeks full responsibility, he made her feel completly alone in a house she already was a ghost in, and all he can do now is work to become someone she could trust again; and all she can do is try to move on. She never sees him off when hes about to go back to work after that, always leaving first on her own terms

[hwnglx]

What is hyunjin's real behind the scenes personality like?

this went very deep 😮‍💨 often happens when the person i read for is of very complex nature, he's def one of them lol..

hyunjin's real personality behind the scenes

based on tarot. i do not know these idols personally. energies are always changing. what i say is NOT straight fact. pls take it with a grain of salt!

temp, 9ofp&5ofw, kingofsw, queofp, 6ofw, 5ofc, queofc

+ very chill and peaceful energy. since hyunjin prefers things to remain balanced and calm, he doesn't enjoy conflict at all and prefers staying out of it whenever he can. a lot of contentment in his own comfort zone.. like a happy loner type of thing. he's the happiest when he's by himself and doesn't need to concern himself with others. the nine of pentacles often gives me this vibe of someone who loves smothering themselves. do the whole self care routines and stuff, to make themselves feel better.

on a day to day basis, he's much more mature than what meets the eye. i know i say this about many idols, but we all know how the kpop industry can often ask for idols to seem more "childlike", doing cat-ears and aegyo and cutesy stuff like that. (most kpop fans don't realize it but still struggle seeing these men as grown adults) hyunjin isn't into any of that at all, on and off camera lmao. there's this very serious and stern quality to him, he isn't someone to just "la la la ☺️🎶" stroll through life carelessly. he takes life seriously.

he also truly cares about the people he cherishes. there's an equally gentle energy to him, where he really wants to take care of the few people in his close circle that he loves. i don't see many people around him, he's someone who carefully choses who to give his time and energy to. but once you're important to him, he'll be fiercely loyal and committed to make sure you feel comfortable and safe around him. although materialistic (he values money a lot), he can be very generous with it when the time calls for it and enjoys gifting his loved ones expensive things. probably enjoys bragging that he was able to buy that with his own hardly earned money, he's very proud of the financially stable place he's been able to get to.

getting the five of cups as a positive is pretty interesting, since it's usually a card that stands for sadness, loss, regret.. however, the following emotionally intelligent queen of cups, tells me he's been able to take this easily hurt (very soft heart for sure) nature of his and turn it into more of a "positive" trait. he's a deeply empathetic and compassionate guy, since he exactly knows what it's like to get overwhelmed with sorrow. he's definitely the type to quietly sit with you and allow you to cry in his shoulders for hours, just listening to you sob.

char, aceofc, 3ofsw&8ofp, 8ofw, 6ofp, 8ofsw

- oh hello aries mars. yeah, hyunjin can definitely get too worked up and completely lose himself once he's set a goal he desperately wants to achieve. the chariot tells me that, if this man wants something, he will do whatever it takes to get it, and likely completely disregard anyone else around him. like there's a very handy opportunity for him? do not expect him to give in and hand it to you. no matter how much you could want it, he really won't care about your needs at all. definitely has a very selfish and opportunistic side to him.

i can see this coming from deep insecurity. he's extremely sensitive, very easily hurt heart. a lot of his struggles come from his own expectations to himself, he never really feels like any amount of work is enough to satisfy his own standards. like there literally is no end. he never really feels this sense of relief one usually gets after a long day of hard work. he'll probably remember all the things he didn't do according to his own expectations, and will kinda ruin things for himself. very self-sabotaging tendencies. he stands in his own way a lot, makes things harder for himself than they should be and sets limitations where they don't need to be. he constantly struggles to let lose, and can drive himself crazy over the most trivial things and details others wouldn't even think about.

hyunjin can easily feel like he needs to be some sort of use or service to people in order for them to accept or like him. he can quickly feel worried that he doesn't live up to not only his own but other people's expectations as well, and is still in need of a lot of praise and validation. i can see him sucking up to people a lot and knowing how to play his cards well (esp. his looks!!) in order to get that approval.. a lot of needy and unstable energy when it comes to his self worth.

he still finds himself overwhelmed by his emotions. he's very all or nothing. like he either completely shuts off his feelings and tries very hard not to let something affect him, but once it gets to him, it overpowers anything else.

hyunjin can easily feel like he loses control of himself once he's worked up, and i can see him lowkey getting scared of his emotions since they're so strong. once he gets to this overly emotional and worked up place, i can see him just getting very messy and impulsive, talking (also shouting) a lot and just saying a bunch of offensive things he probably didn't even mean. and although he'll likely feel regret afterwards, it's unlikely he'll be able to come up to the person and resolve the issue again, despite knowing he's the one in fault.

[icanseethefuture333]

hello, I'm your new follower, I saw your reading of Taeyong and Mark and I found it interesting because I already guessed it a long time ago, like your reading really accurate, I don't understand why many people don't agree with Mark's ideal type because it seems so obvious? Of course it's impossible for Mark to express his wild/dark desires openly, it's not like Mark wants someone completely innocent, can I ask you to read Johnny's? because from all of them I had a hard time guessing his because I think Johnny's placement is the type who looks like he likes something bold and pleasured but on the other hand is also safe and stable? if that makes sense. he looks picky but appreciates all the women around him and it becomes difficult to know the type of woman he really dreams of, thank you.

have a good day.

A reading on

Johnny from NCT's ideal type:

Qualities:

Johnny looks for someone who is able to rely on him during through the hard times, be tender and sincere, as well as being optimistic. He could like for his partner to be a bit clumsy and naive? Johnny finds this adorable. He could like for his partner to be able to cook or have traditional values such as wanting to have a family or fit the typical roles of a husband and wife. Someone with a warm presence and is naturally kind hearted by nature would win his heart. Johnny could be more reserved, so he would like for his partner to bring him out of his shell and be someone who is outgoing, friendly, and adventurous. He would like to travel or do fun, risky events with his partner (for example maybe bungee jumping or rock climbing?).

Personality:

What Johnny finds attractive in a partner is someone who is playful, smart, and open minded. He could find it attractive if his partner pretends to be innocent sexually or acts clueless like "omggg did I do that?🤭 I had no idea 👀😈" (channeled song: Oops! I Did It Again by Britney Spears) 👀😳. Johnny is more dominant by nature so he could like if his partner takes a more submissive role. Regardless, he still values his partner's thoughts and opinions, so someone who has good communication skills would be important to him as well. Johnny is turned off by someone who gets overly jealous and lacks trust, so he would want his partner to talk about their wants, needs, and fears with him. Emotional and intellectual intelligence is a big turn on for him (sapiosexual?). The desire to travel here is showing up again, he wants to see the world with his partner. Johnny would find it attractive if his partner tells him the stories of their life or anything about their culture.

Physical traits:

When I saw The Hanged Woman card I was shocked honestly because I was getting a vibe that Johnny wanted to say a few things sexually about his ideal type but was refraining himself from doing so and the cards said here is a confirmation 😂. For what he finds physically attractive is obviously someone with a nice figure or body. If they are curvy or have a "fertile" figure (Johnny did not like this term, I heard him say "ew", but thats what comes to mind when I think of this body type 💀), such as wider hips or hourglass frame, that would immediately draw his attention. Also a pretty ... um- (channeled song: Pussy Talk by City Girls ft. Doja Cat). He could also want to have a baby with someone and settle down soon.

Prefers someone who is feminine or identifies with those pronouns/gender

Athletic women (think of like girls who play volleyball, run track, etc)

Casual style or sporty chic

Toned muscles

Light or "no makeup" makeup looks

Natural beauty

Facial features that could be described as "elegant" or "sensual" (a mix of softness and sharpness in the bone structure. Rounder almond eyes and full lips)

Grown woman body (fully developed and done with puberty - curvy, wide hips being significant).

Nice backside (back, hips, and butt)

No preference regarding hair style, color, or texture ("What she decides to do with her hair is none my business, as long as she's happy, I just like when it's styled nicely." - Johnny)

No preference regarding skin color

"Fresh eyebrows"??? He likes when they're threaded or waxed.

Soft hands (this isn't so much about looks, but he likes the way they feel)

Pretty feet

Someone within his age group or slightly older.

Around his height or shorter

"I'm not picky as in when it comes to like what their racial background is and stuff, but more so how they keep up with their appearance and everything. I don't wanna sound shallow, but I prefer someone who's clean and dresses nice since I do the same. When can have our lazy days together at the house." (Channeled song: Best I Ever Had by Drake)

Celebrities/influencers who are similar to his ideal type: Cenit Nadir, Alisha Boe, Isabellemathersx, Jihyo, Lola Tung, Crystal Serrano, Marilyn Melo, Aisha Potter, Christy Turlington, & luna444

[notthatalex]

I have been thinking about [REDACTED], Sarah Christ, Conspiracy and how it interplays between them.

The consensus of why people believe in conspiracies often boils down to them needing the world to be simpler. To have simple answers to complex problems. On first glance most of them are disgusting complex and contradictory of course, but that is just dress up. The simplicity lies in that there is one "THEM" that is behind it all. One convenient bad group that does evil because they are evil and you can blame for everything.

[REDACTED] obviously falls under that, he is a "conspiracy theorist, the caricature" the character.

But Sarah operates on a very similar mindset sometimes. It is just much more contained and doesn't bleed into other parts of the world for her. And yeah I am talking about the Creekside Killer. He is everyone and everything she needs him to be. A convenient bad guy that does all evil because he is evil and you can blame. So she has a tangible enemy and doesn't have to jump into the complexities. She clearly has a brain that lends into self to conspiracy. Even her motivations and drive is similar. "Pretty women with their hair down are getting killed left and right by "THEM" and of i can just get rid of "THEM" it will all be fixed." THEM in her case is literally just one guy but of you swap it out with the THEM conspiracy theorists talk about it is the same. Also the "pretty women with their hair down" can be replaced with any group the particular conspiracy theorists sees as vulnerable victims. A lot of the time in reality it is ofcourse children and and sex crimes.

The only important point is that they are just stand ins, that isn't really about helping those groups. Even when they tell themselves (and they have to tell themselves) they are. They are just tropes in their story to justify their actions. And this is exactly the case for Sarah. Chasing this one killer, that every information we are getting on him is widely contradictory, is not helping the group she is claiming to do all of what she does for.

I think the biggest reasons she is way more grounded in reality than [REDACTED] is her social political statues. On top of also being more mentally stable (low bar tbf, bc she is very fucked up)

She is an cop. And that fact hurts and helps her at the same time. On one hand, being an American cop makes you actually more likely to sink into right-wing conspiracy theories (the right wing is kinda redundant). On the other hand, she is also a woman and an Ex-Detective, which probably causes some interplay there. I think she is disillusioned with the system while still clinging to some parts of it for stability. Which you would think would actually push her more into conspiracies, but I think it actually has the opposite effect. Most conspiracy theorists love the cops and military while distrusting the government and especially central agencies. It's contradictory, but what do you want from conspiracy? It has to be.

A couple of right (wrong) expirences, and she could fully lose herself in conspiracy, too.

She is the archetype of Cop, that has a drinking/smoking problem, with a bit of a power fantasy that's divorced and not allowed to see their kid anymore. She is a women on top of that, and only that identity change influences her character way more than it may seems. And like it should. Being a women, being in that social political class shapes you A LOT. Even when you have all these other forces pulling you in other directions.

On top of that I also think having a relationship with [REDACTED] keeps her from falling deeper. It may seem like the opposite should be the fact, but I think seeing the other side so intimately... repels you from it. She knows what the end point of ot all looks like, and it's not pretty. If she was blind to it the chances of falling deeper would be more likely for her.

Feel free to disagree. Would love to hear. If anyone even read this.

[clowntown0129]

RRAAARAGGAHAGHh

in other words, heres a list of twst characters and what kind of lives they would have in project moon the City! im set on most of these but would love feedback on what other people think 🥰🥰🥰 more under cut because good lord. still need to think of the districts they all live in 😭

HEARTSLABYUL

the Adeuce duo dont realize it but they end up working at the same Allas workshop and often get into trouble despite Deuce trying to be a good employee and make his mom happy:( Ace says fuck that. glove with the power of a small tornado to face

Trey being a baker in district K but unfortunately gets caught up in more syndicate business than he would like to admit (he still lives a normal ordinary life he promises)

Cater being a plain office worker in and hates his job but god damnit if he isnt gonna act like he looooves it!! he often gets called up often by Seven assoc. members because hes got connections to get info quick. also once did a totally legal experiment for a totally not shady organization where he was promised money but instead just snuck out with four clones of himself that all live in a friends like scenario in his (their??) apartment but would kill each other if it comes down to it. how the Head hasnt found out yet boggles him every day

Riddle being a super strict office manager thats studying to become a judge (weird ties with a syndicate?? at the very least knows azul)

SAVANNACLAW

Leona being the second son of a super important family that runs a huge company but hating constantly being in second so he runs away and starts his own syndicate (NAME PENDING idk if i just want to call it savannaclaw that seems…lazy). everyone in his syndicate all get metal prosthetics to make them look like animals. leona ofc has his own lion ears and legs.

Ruggie being part of a very poor family in the backstreets and having to do everything to survive including eating corpses on the streets before the sweepers can get to them. worked at Pierre’s Bistro for a bit before he quit and joined Leona’s syndicate because it seemed more stable. if he hadnt found Leona’s syndicate and made a somewhat better life for himself, he mightve gotten kidnapped by a sweeper and turned into one himself. he tries not to think about it

Jack coming from the same district as Vil but hearing about Leona’s syndicate and more specifically Leona—thinking that this guy is super cool and strong to take others under his wing!! he joins the syndicate and slowly realizes that this kinda fucking sucks

OCTAVINELLE

Azul and the tweels running a restaurant called the Mostro Lounge but it’s actually just a front covering the fact that it’s often used as neutral grounds between different syndicates for deal making. along with that, the three take on jobs like they do in game and all have hidden prosthetics that let them turn into their merforms at will. Azul doesnt like using it often because it makes him kinda clanky

SCARABIA

Kalim being one of many heirs to either a huge company or like an actual ruling family (districts similar to district S im looking at you) and having not yet been exposed to all the horrors of the City yet

Jamil being a butler sworn to Kalim ever since birth. he has some sorta equipment on his legs that emits smoke to temporarily blind his opponents along with typical butler equipment

POMEFIORE

Epel being a (begrudgingly) recent Cinq assoc. fixer who actually finds the dueling aspect pretty fun. he doesnt like how Vil gets him to act cute afterwards even when theres literally blood on his clothes

Rook being a Shi assoc. fixer originally but joining Cinq assoc. when he sees Vil his beauty his grace his Roi du Poison his most precious wecious pookie be—

Vil being a director of a sub section for Cinq assoc. along with being a fashion model. a guilty pleasure he often indulges himself in is being a hero—the last one on the stage—as he wins another duel for the day

IGNIHYDE

Ortho being a robot built in his image after he died right after White Nights and Dark Days. one of his core parts is a memory chip with all his memories locked into it using Jcorp tech

Idia being the heir to a company called Tartaros—its original purpose just being viewing over workshops and making their own specialized equipment. now its purpose is to gather any rogue abnormalities and lock them up to be studied

DIASOMNIA

Silver and Sebek being Claws in (suspended) training that work as Malleus’ bodyguards. they both have the Claw arms but only have access to one serum each—Sebek with a serum that makes him lightning fast and Silver with a serum that stores and multiplies his power every time he falls asleep

Lilia being a bloodfiend that was captured by the Head and has been serving as their one man army ever since. hes been semi retired to act as Malleus’ caretaker and constantly uses tech to make his bloodfiend traits less noticable

Malleus being the son of ????. all the higher ups want him either want him completely under their control to use or dead and honestly either plan is still on the table. since hes naturally in his dragon form and the Head hate non-humans, theyve forbidden him from shapeshifting into his human form else they kill him. he sneaks out often in his human form anyway with the other diasomnia guys using a mask similar to Roland’s mask to make perceiving him as Malleus impossible to do

i should come up with all the equipment and enhancements these guys have. holy shit

[mothlover69]

I DEMAND LEON KENNEDY SELF SHIP LORE!!!

(I don't know anything about Resident Evil other than what my brother's told me but I'm genuinely curious.)

AAA def using this ask as an excuse to talk about how we get together ❤️

Going under the cut cuz it got away from me

I meet him at a bar when im like 21 or 22 and hes around 43/44 cuz that is definitely where that man spends a majority of his time when hes not on missions. We get to talking, he buys me drinks, he thinks im cute but he can tell im pretty young compared to him. He honestly feels kinda guilty for being attracted to me

He gets a couple drinks in and starts flirting. Obviously i flirt back. But nothing happens that night and we go our separate ways

One day, couple weeks later, im out running errands or something. The suns starting to set, im walking home, and there's not that many people around. Some asshole catcalls me, i flip him off, like i usually do. But i guess i have really bad luck that day because this guy decides to pull over and get out of his car. He starts following me, yelling something about how hes gonna kill me. I start walking faster, hoping to get to the next block where i know there'll be more people.

Suddenly, someone else appears next to me. I was so focused on the guy following me and trying to, like, survive that i dont see where they came from.

Oh my god you'll never guess who it is. Yeah, it's Leon.

Since there's now a big, buff man carrying a gun next to me, and we clearly know each other, the guy following me suddenly doesn't seem too keen to keep threatening me. But Leon still turns to him with a cold expression and asks him what he thinks he's doing.

Dude takes one look at him and just turns and books it.

Leon asks if im okay and then walks me home. He figures he should probably leave, but he asks if i want him to stick around for a bit 'just to be safe'. Really, he just cant help but want to spend more time with me. Even if he feels like he shouldnt.

I accidentally triggered his savior complex and now he wants me even more

Obviously, I say yes. Hot older guy that just saved my ass wants to hang out for a bit? Literal dream come true

At first we just talk. He's funny, and we keep making each other laugh. But the more time we spend with each other, the more the tension grows

His self control keeps getting thinner and then the two of us are unconsciously leaning towards each other while we talk. He makes some kind of teasing remark that makes me pout at him and suddenly he cant take it anymore. He grabs my face and kisses me

Im ecstatic, enthusiastically kissing him back until he pulls away with a flushed face and dark eyes

He tells me that we shouldnt do this, that hes so much older than me, and i tell him hes being stupid. Making a big deal out of nothing. And he looks so guilty, torn between his desire for me and his desire to be an honorable man that doesnt sleep with someone half his age

It doesnt take much to convince him to give in. And then im on his lap and we're making out again

He spends the night. I make him breakfast the next day because with those abs he must be starving. I tell a bad joke and he cracks up and seeing me in the morning sunlight that streams through the window... he does not want this to be a one time thing. He doesn't want to be without me

So after breakfast he asks me on a proper date, and apologizes for not doing so before. Formally asks me to be his partner. Of course i say yes

And the rest is history

Anyway..

But yeah, my s/i is a normal citizen that doesnt have anything to do with the actualy resident evil lore. I dont fight BOWs, i dont work for the DSO, im separate from all of that. And Leon really appreciates having something important in his life thats.. normal. Im something stable and soft for him to come home to. The thought of me is what keeps him strong when hes off on his missions.

Oh i got sappy good bye o////o

[pokemenlovingmen]

Hello! I just read the thing I requested and I LOVE IT!!! While reading, I was thinking about how tall S/O compared to Ingo would be. I live for tall s/o fr and dw! I love it when the story is long, it just gets me motivated to read more! so while I still have the chance, can I request tall, extremely calm, and works at the subway masc s/o with Ingo and Emmet? (it can be poly, Not blank shipping ofc) - 🚆Anon

man y’all REALLY want to have a

relationship huh?

I mean… me too though.

I love it, let’s do it!! I just think these pokeguys have had plenty of time to tower over people… if no one is cooking up big spoon reader content, then I’ll do it myself!

Thank you very much for your request, I love the train men haha. And I’m also very glad you enjoyed my previous piece I made for you!! You’re so kind. I’m still very much feeling my way around, trying to figure out what I want from this blog, and y’all have been so sweet. It’s why I feel bad not writing as frequently as I could! I love you guys, my fellow gay yearners out there, y’all are my brothers lmao. I hope you enjoy this one as much as you did the last! (And maybe one day I’ll figure out not just how long I want my actual posts to be, but these intros as well. Too much free space for me to ramble in lmfaooo.) Since you said S/O, I’m going to write this as an established relationship! Also the submas are written as autistic because I’m autistic and I make the rules. Thouuuugh this did end up a little too focused on the twins’ autism coded behavior and I apologize for that. I got a little too into it. But at the same time you can pry autistic submas out of my cold, dead autistic hands I refuse to write them as anything but

The Pillar of Calm — Ingo and Emmet (separately!) with tall, calm depot agent S/O

Emmet

⚪️ — Well, no matter what, the most important thing you need to know about him is he loves you verrrrry much!

⚪️ — You two met when you transferred to work at Gear Station after your first long-running job at the Magnet Train station in Johto. Definitely a bit of a culture shock, considering battles are a BIG no-no on those trains, but you figured things out pretty quick. One of the most important parts of adjusting to your new job was, of course, meeting the subway masters to get the proper rundown on how things worked around here, and that’s where it started.

⚪️ — Emmet is a ball of hard-to-contain energy that he constantly needs to express via stimming or just moving around, and even if words aren’t his strong suit, he has a woeful amount of things he wants to say. You being the strong silent type who can somehow keep a level head in any situation and seldom expresses anything, it seems like your personalities would clash horrifically. But when breaks were called around Gear Station, you were one of the first faces Emmet saw as he hopped off the Super Double Line, and you being your grounded self was honestly reassuring to be greeted with after all the stimulation the constant battling is. The more you hung out, the more it became apparent Emmet could just find some calm and steady his tremendous energy with you there to ground him. It ended up becoming a bit of a behind-your-back joke around Gear Station as other depot agents took bets on when one of you would finally stop dragging your feet and ask about being more than friends.

⚪️ — But that was a long time ago. This is the now!

⚪️ — In the same fashion that brought you two together in the first place, you’re one of the first depot agents Emmet sees when he hops off the train for breaks or for closing, and he’ll come bouncing up to you when he sees you. Right away you lock arms—Emmet loves all the excitement of his job, without a doubt, but sometimes he can just overload without even realizing it’s happening. But you’re so stable and your arms are so strong, kind of locking himself to you brings him back down to earth from all the battling adrenaline.

⚪️ — It’s funny watching you two walk hand-in-hand, or with locked arms. You have a very stiff and simple stride and as calm as you are, there are no points of tension or parts of your body that just need to move sometimes. Meanwhile Emmet takes those big, toy soldier-like steps with perfectly straight legs and swings his arms so much, so walking together you’re perfectly still save for whatever arm he’s swinging around with his motions. You’re never bothered, though. It’s all very cute and you don’t mind your arm getting a little sore from Emmet just being Emmet. You wouldn’t have it any other way.

⚪️ — It’s okay that he’s not great with his words or that he can’t script when apart from Ingo if he’s around you. He can talk as much as he wants with no expectations of making sense or proper sentence structure or correct tone. You’re so laid back, you don’t mind any of it. You feel pretty special for being one of the only people on earth who can make Emmet comfortable enough to stray from his usual script and just talk and talk.

⚪️ — Carry him!! If you’re strong enough, that is. When you two get home from a long day of work, you’ll often find your arms full of giggling Emmet. He actually really likes to be held, and not many people are as significantly taller than him as necessary to do that. (Part of the reason why he’s attracted to guys, to be honest. Hold him with those big strong arms!)

⚪️ — Did I mention your calmness is really grounding? Because it is. He knows there’s no judgement with you and you aren’t a struggle to read when you take so much in stride. It’s so rare and strange to say, but Emmet feels like he can make mistakes around you. And have those mistakes not be a bad thing, I mean. He’s always heard of mistakes being learning tools, but they’ve always felt so punishing to him, he never knew why anyone would want to learn through messing up. At least, not until he met you and he realized he could flub his words and commit any social faux pas when he interacts with you, because he knows you won’t judge. You’re safe. When he’s with you, the world isn’t so harsh and judgmental, it doesn’t pick him apart so severely for being “weird” and “different”. It’s so liberating, to feel so safe in making mistakes and knowing you’ll still love him at the end of the day.

⚪️ — And for your part, you struggle feeling strong feelings, especially excitement. So when good things happen, Emmet feels the excitement for the both of you, and his energy definitely seeps over to you! With him around, feelings don’t blend together and fade into each other so easily. He never expects you to change, he loves your calmness, and it only brings him even more delight when you do get excited about something, because that something really must be amazing, then!! It’s just so comforting to have Emmet there and watch him emote for the both of you.

⚪️ — Beyond the actual therapeutic, helpful little things about this behavior, it’s also just adorable. You make that well known, because Emmet likes that you think he’s adorable. Him? Really? Even if his smile is creepy and never goes away, or he’s always tense and shaking around, or his eyes seem too blank or glassy, you think he’s cute? He’s rather insecure about his appearance, actually—he’s been called creepy and weird many times before, mostly regarding his smile and his erratic movements, so hearing you like all that about him is just so, so validating!

⚪️ — You better be a good big spoon because Emmet loves snuggling up to you and being in your arms. If you’re having a bad day, though, your height difference won’t stop him from holding you! He’s lived with Ingo his whole life after all, he’s gotten pretty good at reading fairly minimal indicators of mood since he’s used to going off so little so he always knows how you’re feeling.

⚪️ — Expect a lot of quick shows of physical affection. He’ll crush you in a side-hug for exactly two seconds before running off, he’ll bounce onto his toes to kiss you on the cheek, he’ll nuzzle his head into your shoulder before it���s about time to get off the couch and head for work, he just likes physical affection and squeezes in it whenever possible. He’s just always very busy, and that applies to just his thought process and usual way of conducting himself, too, but you never complain about his style of affection.

⚪️ — Of course you swap train stories and facts! He’s very fascinated hearing about the Magnet Train, Unova really hasn’t got around to utilizing high-speed railways yet. And if you have any questions about the Battle Subway, he’s happy to answer!

⚪️ — Emmet’s a professional, of course, so he’s not going to be all over you at work, but he doesn’t hide your relationship either. If you’re working his line and he gets off the train in time to spot you, he’ll run over and give you a quick peck before heading off to wherever he’s headed.

⚪️ — Since words aren’t his forte, he uses all these quick shows of affection as his “I love you”s. So Emmet has likely seldom or even never said a verbal “I love you” to you, but that’s okay, because you know that’s what every one of his kisses and hugs mean.

⚪️ — If he’s ever getting overstimulated or just plain riled, you give his hand a comforting squeeze that makes everything slow down a bit.

⚪️ — Ingo loves you, by the way (in a platonic sense). He’s delighted to see someone make his brother so happy, and to see Emmet has found someone he doesn’t have to mask with that’s not just him or Elesa. He would do the classic family move and warn you that you better treat Emmet right, but Ingo doesn’t find that warning necessary. He’s seen you working even before you and Emmet got together and knows you’re not at all fickle about your commitments. He’s not worried.

⚪️ — At the end of a long work day, you can expect to find you and Emmet tangled up in each other’s lanky arms and legs, surrounded by all your Pokemon both on and off the bed. And there Emmet will talk and talk, and probably make no sense while he does it, but that’s alright and he’s just happy to spill his thoughts without worrying about how he structures them. He’ll often go until he’s yawning, at which point you shush your beloved conductor and encourage him to maybe go to sleep.

⚪️ — Before burying his face into your chest or stomach, he’ll mumble out a sleepy “well, next stop: dreamland… aaaall aboooard…!” just because he knows it makes you laugh. You’re so stoic, but he absolutely can make you laugh with ease.

⚪️ — He loves that laugh of yours, because hearing it reminds him how free and happy you two are to express yourselves in the safety of one another’s company.

⚪️ — And when you both wake up in the morning and start getting ready for work all over again, Emmet always manages to find some words with so much less effort than it usually takes him as he barges into the bathroom to help you straighten your tie.

“I am Emmet. And you look verrrrry handsome today.”

Ingo

⚫️ — Everything is Emmet’s fault here. I mean… look, he knows that despite what people think, his brother can feel joy and actually feels it quite often, but it can be hard for Ingo to keep up with how upbeat Emmet is and his brother recognizes that as loud as Ingo can get, Ingo is really more built for the quiet and the calm.

⚫️ — (Most of the time. He definitely has his moments, but unlike Emmet he doesn’t have that surplus of energy to always be shaking out. Ingo is just a bit naturally more reserved. He is certainly more verbose than Emmet, but is actually less of a fan of being social than him.)

⚫️ — So knowing he was the personality Ingo spent the most time around, Emmet really got to thinking his brother needed someone who matched his energy levels better. In general, he thinks Ingo needs someone! It makes him verrrry sad, but he knows challengers approach him much more often than Ingo solely because his outward demeanor is more approachable to people. And by god, Emmet is determined to get more people as loud and proud members of the Ingo fan club.

⚫️ — Unceremoniously shoving his poor brother into you, a complete stranger who Emmet deemed to match Ingo’s “vibes”—at their workplace no less!—was probably not the ideal way to go about it, but you guys are dating now so it really is Emmet’s last laugh this time.

⚫️ — Ingo is very quiet and slow with his affection—at least, when he wants to be. There’s a time for words, definitely, but he honestly spins his wheels endlessly when he does talk and considering he has to take charge in that department for both his and Emmet’s sake, he likes being able to wind down with you.

⚫️ — (Definitely not me gay yearning looking up all different types of cuddles but) He likes to sleep in the sweetheart’s cradle position with you. Being nestled in your arms is very comforting for him, and when he can’t sleep, being so close let’s himself get lost in… well, you. He’ll trace his fingers across your skin, just focusing on the texture, listen to your heartbeat as he lays his head on your chest, or bury his head in your side and try and figure out what that body wash you used is supposed to smell like. He can be a restless sleeper, as his mind’s always buzzing every which way, but he always drifts back off eventually when he’s with you.

⚫️ — He does get a little embarrassed about how clingy he can get and how much he wants to be held, though, but you’re just there to love him even if he gets a little flustered about it.

⚫️ — Not huge on PDA because of his self conscious-ness, and NONE at all if you’re at work. This is a professional environment, after all! Of course, you’re so calm and laid back, that’s not an issue for you. Hey, whatever he wants.

⚫️ — Ingo loves his brother, he loves him more than life itself, but despite being identical twins they don’t see eye-to-eye on everything—Emmet’s excitability and energy being something Ingo doesn’t really have. He can get into those moods and does like excitement from time to time, but as much as he adores his job, the constant excitement can be a little much and he can rely on you for some quiet and calm in his life. He doesn’t need to maximize his energy and put on a show to be enough for you.

⚫️ — You’re so quiet, sometimes he worries his lack of volume control upsets you. He’s always so loud, and you’re… not. But you’re okay with him that way, you tell him you understand that’s a hard thing for him to control and the boisterous voice is something you love, anyway. It’s so uniquely him, just something you can hear and smile to yourself about as you think “yep, that’s Ingo”.

⚫️ — Also a bit nervous about publicly being in a relationship, but hey, you’re willing to take it at whatever pace he’s most comfortable with!

⚫️ — You use your height to your advantage, doing stuff that flusters him often—because you know for all his huffing about it, he loves the attention. You swipe his hat sometimes at home and tousle his hair, only to plop it back down all the way over his eyes. You put your arms around his waist when he’s not looking and lift him up, just a little bit—that move is especially useful when Ingo is overworking himself, because he’s literally powerless in that situation and will just hang there, defeated while you carry him somewhere else like you’re a child with an oversized teddy bear.

⚫️ — You and Emmet are some of the only people who can get a real smile out of him. He absolutely still enjoys himself and feels a good amount of joy daily, he just seldom smiles to express it. But you and Emmet are both capable of pushing him into such a good mood, the corners of his mouth twitch up a little bit into his unique half-smile. (Ingo is very self conscious about how unnatural it looks, but you think he’s adorable and it kills him a little every time when you compliment his smile in spite of him growing up hating it. So with how good of a mood he already has to be in in order to get that tiny smile in the first place, that mood only soars higher once you start complimenting said smile. Very pleasant situation he can get himself stuck in.)

⚫️ — Will happily invite you to join him for safety checks on his lines, and even though he’s very much a “no romantic interactions at work” kind of guy, he’s guaranteed to happily infodump about the trains if it’s just the two of you. He’s thankful you’re such a good listener.

⚫️ — One of his favorite shows of affection to you is kissing the back of your hand, especially to say goodbye whenever you need to part ways—and no, he definitely doesn’t go after your hand because he can’t reach your face.

⚫️ — I feel like both he and Emmet need regular reminders to take care of themselves, but Ingo is definitely the more stubborn one in that department, at least when it comes to the business/paperwork side of running the Battle Subway. Emmet throws every ounce of his energy into the battles he loves so much and is so tired by the end of the day, Ingo doesn’t want to make him do it! But in convincing him to step away from work, he’ll at least begrudgingly listen to you.

⚫️ — The only time Ingo’s voice is at its true quietest is at night, when you two are laying next to each other in bed. Your fingers running through his hair, his hand laced with yours, you’re used to him half-consciously mumbling about his feelings when he’s close to falling to sleep, because Ingo’s a sentimental dork and the sleepier he gets, the harder it is for him to hold back rambling like an idiot. He can’t help it! He compensates for his lack of physical emoting by always outright stating what he’s feeling and thinking—at least, most of the time—and though he’s never dishonest about how strong his feelings for you are, a tired Ingo is the sappiest Ingo.

“Mmh… I love you… so much…”

“I love you too, Ingo.”

“I’m so… lucky to have a man like you in my life…”

“You’re sweet.”

“I just love you so much…! With all of my heart…”

“I do too, Ingo. But you should go to sleep now, really.”

[xiaojianggshi]

enhypen as winx club boys

the nostalgia this show gives me has a vice grip on me........ i had to give it some justice. this was done by using general concepts of the cards and relating them to personality traits of each of the characters along with my own interpretations given from the cards. may contain spoilers, i might do a follow-up reading for the fairies LOL

also this image is giving so much weezer it is INSANEE...

ace of wands rx., nine of pentacles, temperance, two of swords rx., strength, ten of wands rx., queen of pentacles, page of cups, the moon rx., judgement, eight of swords, the lovers, the high priestess rx., the tower, seven of swords

for heeseung, sky seems to be the best option. something about him is just false, a complete act which mirrors how brandon and sky switched identities for the start of the show. sky is also a prince which is similar to the sort of independence and drive he has.

there are a little more parallels aside from what the cards have given me. heeseung is the oldest member so in terms of wisdom, he is basically the leader and the caretaker of the group. he may not be the official leader but he is still seen as pretty influential amongst the other members.

unsurprisingly, jay seems to be the most similar to nabu (i love nabu he deserved better). nabu is one of the best characters in the show. he is a really charming guy, patient and a mediator. nabu also had to make the decision of sacrificing his life to save many people.

this is such an interesting cross LOL... similar to jay, nabu is very dedicated when he sets his mind to something, being as nabu travelled around the world looking for his wife to find more about her (it wasn't as creepy as i'm wording it). jay as we have seen through i-land, has so much ambition, he really is admirable for it.

again, unsurprisingly jake and brandon. both of them are confident, pretty strong-willed guys who know what the want (and in some cases WHO they want). not to mention, they are both incredibly flirty and very good with smooth-talking.

heeseung and jake seem to have a pretty close relationship, both on and off camera. it is fun to see this with sky and brandon since they are also really close friends. they both act without much worry or burden, the definition of free-spirited. aside from that, brandon and jake both are able to be VERY loyal to specific people.

sunghoon seems to align the most with timmy. both of them are very stable people. however, they can tend to appear cowardly sometimes as they are not very outspoken and are passive. they also think out of the box and are able to express themselves in different ways.

one way of expression for sunghoon is figure skating. from watching him skate, i feel happy for him and he looks happy. as the only figure skater of enhypen, it makes him feel special and lets him release pent up emotions. for timmy, his relationships tend to be the most stable as he is able to communicate his thoughts well.

this one is going to sound very wrong, but hold on, sunoo and riven. sunoo is much different than how he presents himself. they are both resourceful and can tend to work on their own, lone wolves in short. even if their actions are horrible, they are working for themselves.

both seem to be very adaptable and intense with lots of cards up their sleeves. both work very hard to fix their flaws and imperfections. that is, when they do realize these faults and how they may affect those around them. also, from a more external viewpoint, they both show a particular sass to them that is entertaining.

jungwon seems to be the most similar to avalon. both are integral parts of their work, avalon being an important character of season 2 and jungwon being the leader of the group. they have their own pursuits, which similarly to sunoo, may not align with others.

when i mention avalon, i mean both of his counterparts, the real one who is wise and determined, but also the fake one who is incredibly cunning. he has a diplomatic side to him, a connection between two sides that he relays messages between under the idea that it is his duty. he works best (and the most) when it is in his favor.

niki is someone revolutionary for lack of a better word. there definitely is a better way to describe it, but it is so foreign to me i am not sure.. i think he is a lot like helia given the fact that helia is one of the most visually different of the specialists.

as i mentioned in a previous post niki seems very private and hides a lot. i think they both may have issues with voicing their opinions. both helia and niki are very artistic. helia likes to write poems and draw, niki has shown an interest in fine arts as well, such as painting and photography. not to mention they both are rather deep thinkers.

[fyrefrostanimus]

Even More Everyone Lives AU Character Stuff: Security Breach + Ruin

Now we're getting to the real beef of the AU!

Not as important, but inbetween FNaF 6 and Security Breach Michael does manage to get other bands of Fazbear animatronics to his house (don't ask me how he keeps them all, this AU was based on ask blog nostalgia and I'm not about to fill the plothole of how they all stay mostly unnoticed by the public). Altogether, the animatronics he has at his house are:

The Classics (including Golden Freddy/Fredbear)

The Toys

Technically he has Springbonnie if we're counting William as a burnt Scraptrap in the basement

The Funtimes

The Rockstars (minus Rockstar Freddy who fucking died in the FNaF 6 fire due to overheating)

Probably some of the other FNaF 6 animatronics (not Candy Cadet though as they stay in Ruin, I'm not sure which of them are absolutely destroyed by the fire and which are able to be brought back)

Groups that are debatably there:

The Nightmares (Evan probably still sees them, Michael sometimes ends up being in the same dream as him due to ghost shenanigans)

Not at the house:

The Phantoms (they're hallucinations here, as much as I love their designs)

Really I just added that for context as to what the newer characters are getting into, so there's actual scale as to the chaos that can happen. But if you do want to know about any of them just ask me about them (honestly I could probably talk about a lot of them)

Anyways

EXTRA: Since this is characters that span both the base game Security Breach AND the Ruin DLC, I'll do color coding for everything here: red for pre/during Security Breach base game, and yellow for post-Security Breach.

Vanessa

Okay, obvious stuff here: Help Wanted beta tester, Glitchtrap (as much as I hate it he's not William in this AU), Vanny, Princess Quest ending leaves her free at the end. The stuff we all know.

Instead of her actual Security Breach characterization, I use the scrapped voicelines that make it seem like she actually cares for Gregory and is trying to keep him safe. It lines up with her Special Delivery characterization of her being a bit paranoid and leads up to what was originally the main catalyst of the AU (which later became the FNaF 6 fire after deciding to look backwards in the timeline).

She knows Michael as just Mike (he's gone through a few identities in his attempts to not be suspiciously young for years on end), probably as a general friend.

So when Vanessa's suddenly free from Glitchtrap AND has a kid who doesn't have a home, she panics. Gregory can't come home with her, as she basically just lost her job and wouldn't be financially stable. Plus her apartment really was for just her. And she's paranoid that she not ACTUALLY free and he's just waiting for the right moment to control her again and kill Gregory for good. As such, she asks Mike if he can take the kid while she gets back on her feet. He accepts and that's how Gregory ends up at Michael's house.

Don't worry though, she still visits pretty often. Mike just uses a bunch of extra air freshener in/near the basement so Vanessa doesn't know he's technically hiding a corpse down there.

Gregory

He's an actual human child. Sorry aggressively-GregBot people (meaning the people who are assholes about it, if you believe it but don't harass others about it I'm still chill), I'm not putting that in my AU.

GGY happened, but not as it did in Tales From The Pizzaplex. I'll put a shortened version here as it directly connects to Security Breach. I merged The Storyteller and GGY so Gregory's actual purpose was to clear the way to Glitchtrap infecting the Pizzaplex systems (the people he did kill such as in the therapy tapes), eventually leading to him breaking in and directly putting Glitchtrap into the systems. If he was still loyal, that would be great. If this freed him, Glitchtrap would just have Vanny kill him. Gregory ends up being freed because Glitchtrap left him behind, and he has amnesia from the time he was controlled. He may have been the wizard's favored apprentice, but he was still only going to be useful for a little while. (Glitchtrap fucking with the systems also caused Glamrock Freddy's systems to crash, since there's no one possessing him in this AU). And Security Breach is directly after.

Post-Security Breach, he stays with Vanessa for part of the day before being told he's staying elsewhere until she gets her life sorted out. Gregory's at least allowed to keep Freddy's head with him (mostly for comfort so he's not at a completely new house with a guy he doesn't know alone) as well as bring his stuff.

Mike did explain to him the fact that he does have a bunch of animatronics in his house, but what Gregory wasn't expecting was that a nosy Funtime Foxy would punch a hole in the door to see who "Eggs" was talking to (the Funtimes no longer have the child murder programming in them so he's safe: Mike at least figured out how to get rid of that so he wouldn't have to worry about any local children being found dead in his place).

Mike also told him about the fact the house is haunted. But it's not like ghosts actually exist, right?

Well turns out some of the oddly specific nightmares he's had since coming to this house were because of ghosts (he saw some of Evan's memories from while he was alive, such as being locked in parts and service and being bullied by a kid in a Foxy mask who looks suspiciously like a younger Mike). Gregory figures this out when he wakes up in the middle of the night feeling a bit cold and Evan's sitting on the foot of the bed.

Long story short, he does some digging on Mike and Michael comes clean about all the supernatural stuff and the history of Fazbear Entertainment. So Gregory just has to deal with the fact that the place he's in is full of ghosts and robots, that his current caretaker was a zombie for some time, and that way more children died because of this company than there were rumored to.

He didn't drop the elevator in Ruin, and if he weren't found crying over a walkie-talkie then no one in the house would have found out Cassie was even in the Pizzaplex (Michael basically brings the Funtimes and a few other characters there as part of a search and rescue mission for both Cassie and the animatronics).

He's not happy to see the shattered Glamrocks again. Gregory doesn't hate them, but he's definitely nervous they're just going to kill him out of vengeful spite. Especially Roxy.

He did get scratched by Glamrock Freddy's headless body, since he thought he could safely approach it.

Lastly, he can only see the ghosts at night.

Glamrock Freddy

Glamrock Fronnie is ABSOLUTELY canon to this AU. It's already meant to be self-indulgent, so why would I not add this?

He's almost completely oblivious to the problems around the Pizzaplex. He sometimes notices things but shrugs them off. It wasn't until Gregory showed up that he started to see all the cracks in the place he lives in.

He's shocked to find out the history of Fazbear Entertainment. Freddy was basically gaslit into thinking that that has always been a safe place for kids, and now he's found out it never was.

Unlike Gregory, he can see the ghosts all the time. It's a mix of it being a robot thing and being made with some reused parts with the soul juice in them (a trait shared with really all the Glamrocks).

Meeting the previous iterations of Freddy was really fun for him: Classic Freddy was surprised there even were any more Freddys, Toy Freddy was glad to see an 80s throwback, Funtime Freddy didn't talk much (they both have had kids in their stomach hatches for very different purposes and Funtime Freddy was not about to talk about that), and the Rockstars really just edged around their missing bandmate.

Should've added this in the Gregory section, but he never got upgrades except for the battery one. Basically Gregory saw the duffel bag messages and thought that the other Glamrocks' upgrades caused their erratic/aggressive behavior, so he thought that getting rid of them would fix this situation. So he held onto the parts. When everyone gets repairs it's actually replicas of the originals (Michael doesn't know if Gregory was right but he's not about to take a risk).

His headless body tried to set Mike's house on fire. Glamrock Freddy was not expecting to have to tell everyone he had a built-in lighter, but here we are.

Glamrock Bonnie

If I remember something I saw right, Glamrock Bonnie uses he/they pronouns. I'll try to keep up on that. (I actually had to look up how to use he/they pronouns in sentences, being raised in a religious family makes it a bit hard for me to understand some pronoun sets at first but I think I got it)

I already mentioned Glamrock Fronnie being canon, so let's talk parenting styles instead since he inevitably meets Gregory and finds out that Glamrock Freddy basically adopted him. So if Glamrock Freddy's the dad who would at least set some rules to make sure there's minimal chaos, then Glamrock Bonnie's the dad who would help bend those rules if they thought the reason Gregory wanted to break them was funny.

Instead of having claws, he can flick open his finger (think Freddy with his lighter) since there's a guitar pick hidden in there. Just a little thing I thought of since their model in Ruin doesn't have the bassist claws.

So I wanted to think about the reason Bonnie's where he is in Ruin. There's the Monty murder theory, but I like Monty and this is my self-indulgent AU so he's not fully at fault. At the same time, though, Bonnie has those scratch marks on them and Monty did have claws to some degree even before his upgrade. Then I thought "wait if it were an accident Monty caused that resulted in this then he would parallel Michael" and it just stuck. I'll go over that in more detail in Monty's section.

Being a collective of wet floor signs was not fun for him. Especially since trying to lead people to where they were hidden so he could be repaired would just mean the little bot is picked up and placed back down where it's supposed to be.

During the events of Security Breach, they were pretty much completely unconscious. Being a digital ghost in the machine while something has hacked the systems is not a good mix.

He wasn't found by Cassie during Ruin, but when the search and rescue team Michael set up searched the Pizzaplex Glamrock Bonnie was found. That's when he saw that Funtime Foxy insisting that Lolbit should be brought along on a USB (or something else similar) actually might have had a point.

While his physical body was being repaired, they became very acquainted with Lolbit since they were essentially roommates during that time. Glamrock Bonnie wishes to never have to be in a computer again.

Meeting the other Bonnies was something else, since almost every single Bonnie considers each other a sibling. He was almost instantly brought into the sibling group.

Glamrock Chica

She shared pizza with a rat in her greenroom once and now she has a rat friend named Remy. Glamrock Chica would have a rat army by the end of Ruin if I weren't trying to keep this AU semi-serious.

Similar to the other Glamrocks, she only really developed her garbage-eating issue after Glamrock Bonnie vanished.

She used ASL to communicate post-shattering, although that started to become a challenge once Roxy was blinded. Monty was able to translate it into audible words for her so everyone was able to understand each other.

She doesn't have the same guitar pick finger gimmick as Bonnie, and when she was switched from vocals to electric guitar (because Fazbear Ent. fucked the voice box upgrade) Glamrock Chica instead stores her guitar pick as either a ring or in some part of one of her earrings.

She stayed with Roxy during the post-Security Breach pre-Ruin time period, acting as her eyes.

When found by the search and rescue team, she's a bit surprised to see a completely new face, especially when it comes to animatronics (specifically, she meets Ballora who is doing her usual spider crawl to get around since it's much more practical around here).

Meeting the rest of the Chicas was mostly pleasant. The exception was Toy Chica, who made an amazing first impression by showing she could remove her beak and throw it at a spider with the accuracy of a professional darts player.

Roxy

If this is already canon-divergent, then me having Roxy as Foxy after transition shouldn't be a problem right? Like they were about to scrap the cowboy Foxy to make room for Roxanne and they were just like "you know I've always felt like I should be a girl" so Fazbear Ent. said that they'd let them remember being Foxy if she didn't tell anyone else about it. So yeah transfem Roxy.

She used her ability to see through walls as entertainment for a bit, but after seeing one too many things she wished she could unsee she stopped.

Her image issues and low self-esteem came after Glamrock Bonnie went away.

If she had the resources to, she would be into spray painting and would absolutely vandalize the entire back wall of the Pizzaplex. She'd do this after every one of the teenagers she invited to do this with her took an oath of silence.

Her theme song for post-Security Breach is Curses by The Crane Wives. You can't convince me it doesn't fit her.

During the search and rescue mission, Funtime Foxy found her nearly completely beheaded. So he just had to carry both her and Cassie at once before she handed off Roxy to Circus Baby.

Since the entirety of her face had to be completely remade, Roxy was at least given her eyes first and had either a mask or bandages covering her exposed endoskeleton face in the meantime. She also had a makeshift animatronic neck brace (cone of shame cone of shame cone of shame).

The transfem part came out when she finally was able to tell her bandmates without the threat of completely leaving part of herself behind. No one exactly believed this until she managed to actually lasso Glamrock Freddy's head off his body again.

She was honestly shocked with how many of the older versions of Foxy were not cis. Mangle and Funtime Foxy obviously aren't, but every one of them just going "yeah we had everyone debating whether we were boys or girls" was unexpected.

Monty

Remember the thing I said about Monty being a bit of a Mike parallel in this AU in Glamrock Bonnie's section? Yeah, here's the detailed version. The two were sparring on the catwalks above Monty Golf (this is a usual thing for them) and Bonnie went over the edge. Turns out the rabbit isn't as sturdy as Monty and he goes catatonic. So he feels like he has to hide the body out of fear he'd get decommissioned if anyone found out. The guilt and actually witnessing that gave him the anger issues.

Instead of the lightning bolt on his face, he has some scales resembling a band-aid on his nose bridge.

He's actually the youngest of the Glamrocks. While I don't try to assign ages to the robots most of the time, I proportion him like I would while drawing someone who's 19. Monty's a bit short too.

In Ruin, Monty attacks more out of paranoia. Last time a kid showed up he got cut in half so what's this one going to take from him?

Being electrocuted didn't kill him, but overcharged him for a while before the search and rescue team showed up. He's actually the reason they ended up finding Bonnie, because Monty figured out no one else found him. So they just followed the legless gator to Bonnie Bowl.

Since Monty's an only child on the terms of older models, he basically got adopted by the Bonnies (mostly because both him and Glamrock Bonnie played the bass, so they were technically the closest).

Daycare Attendant

Normally I'd color code these by which of them it is, but almost all of these are already color coded by when they happen so I'll just put Sun, Moon, and Eclipse all in each bullet point. Also, it's mostly fun headcanons, deal with it.

Sun can't cook worth shit, Eclipse does a decent job, Moon could make pancakes in pitch darkness with no problem. I'm not leaving my silly cooking skill headcanon out of this.

Eclipse can come out without a reboot, but it's only in emergency situations as a failsafe. This has not actually happened much despite this being Fazbear Entertainment we're talking about.

They're 7 feet tall, near exactly the height of Circus Baby. Imagine walking into the daycare and seeing that tall guy watching over everyone.

Very rarely, Moon will get bored and teach the few kids still awake at nap time swear words in ASL. When the lights come back on it drives Sun absolutely crazy.

As the lights went out one by one after the Pizzaplex was abandoned, Sun would try to generally avoid the dark. Eventually they just all went out which is how we end up at Ruin.

Eclipse was a problem child for the search and rescue team to catch. We know they can "fly" through a series of cables, now imagine Moon's general playfulness when it comes to using them and Sun's lack of understanding in this situation. They had to basically say that everyone else was leaving to get them to come back down.

Cassie

Her home life is way better than the Afton kids, but that's not much to say at all since her mom is absent and her dad isn't home often. At least her dad makes sure she gets what she needs every day.

She and Gregory were friends before Gregory abruptly vanished (GGY stuff). Cassie was one of the few things Gregory remembered from before that.

She gave Glamrock Chica her voice box back in Ruin (since she happened to get access to it).

The first thing she saw after waking up at Michael's house (they were heavily considering bringing her straight to the hospital, but then they'd have to explain they were breaking and entering into an abandoned building specifically because they knew she was in there plus they had all the animatronics with them) was Mangle on the ceiling saying it's "never seen a broken child before". Considering Mangle is near always a twisting mishmash of animatronic parts, that was one hell of a wake up call.

Her and Gregory are not meshing well together after the elevator fell.

She sees the ghosts all the time. Turns out nearly dying is a very good way to get acquainted with the supernatural.

Not canon to the AU, but I was heavily considering Cassie dying. But seeing as we already have enough dead kids as is it'll probably be a splitoff (unless Cassie is revealed to have died in canon).

The Mimic

Not much to say here except that during the search and rescue mission Funtime Freddy decided to play a game to see if it was smart enough to figure out it was getting trolled. He'd listen for the Mimic to say something, then repeat it back in a different voice. It didn't catch on and got recaptured somewhere, and that's how everyone got out of that hellhole safely.

------

Bonus Mangle Section

Mangle isn't part of the Security Breach era of FNaF, but becomes somewhat of a major character in this AU through personality in a way. So why not take a little bit to focus on it?

Mangle uses it/its or they/them pronouns, whichever the person referring to it is most comfortable with using for another person (it does prefer it/its though).

Michael couldn't find all of its parts and just put it in a room with a bunch of endoskeletons and said "go nuts". He regretted this when Mangle left that room looking like it came straight out of Human Centipede and scared the hell out of Evan.

It's basically siblings with Funtime Foxy, Lolbit, and later Roxy. Mangle is also really close with Toy Bonnie.

It tried taking the head off an endo-02 and putting Glamrock Freddy's head on it so he could walk around on his own, but it didn't work. It was disappointed because that meant most of the endoskeleton wasn't compatible with older models and it couldn't use any Glamrock endos it might find for itself :(

It gave Roxy a bit of a scare after she complained about getting completely fucked up, saying "Honey, you haven't seen shit yet" from the ceiling. It's very good at that.

How the FUCK did I get this out in time for the FNaF 6 anniversary on accident

[bookishtheaterlover7]

Hi booky!!! Marketing anon here.

Again, here to remind everyone that I don’t work in entertainment.

However, a little tidbit: I have to do a press release for something my company recently got recognized for but our “big heads” are a bit disappointed we didn’t get the title we wanted. So we’re still doing a PR but we’re doing it for the headline to say we’re a “industry leader” - and that’s basically what our motive is. Get our SEO up, showing that our name shows up when you search industry leader and hoping media wants to talk to us to learn more. We also have a big conference event coming up so we’re hoping to release the PR in advance of attending the conference (you guessed it, to put our name out there to the people who matter).

Why am I bringing this up?

Again, I don’t know what the overall goal and plan is for CE/ PR team but he’s listed as married in his Wikipedia and I think, personally, that’s the most important reason. He needs to be married to someone so who it is isn’t really super important because the average person isn’t going to continue to look past that.

Now when people google him they will see he is married and allegedly settled down. He’s got recent pics with him with a ring on. And I’ll be honest, even for myself, when I see someone, a man especially, with a wedding ring on I for some reason automatically think, “stable.” I don’t know why. It’s so strange because I myself don’t even believe in marriage LOL but when I see someone else “linked up” I’m like oh ok good for you. ESP men and famous men for that. This may be a weird heteronormative brainwashing thing or I just have issues lol.

Also, I’m going to use Jeremy Renner for comparison. Jeremy was briefly married to Sonni Pacheco, his wife who he had one child with. She’s also 15 years younger and since their divorce has been pretty messy…lol. But there have always been rumors of Jeremy being a wild child and heavy partying and etc so when you google him to see, hey, he was married. He is a father. Despite the fact that he also married a nobody and she seems pretty intent on being a clout chaser or at least making him look bad, he still looks semi stable. He is a father, and he loves his kid. He was married - yes he is now divorced and he also recently survived a terrible accident so people are focusing on his amazing recovery and him being a good dad and not on whatever is going on with his divorce.

I have a sneaking suspicion these types of marriages happen to more people in Hollywood than you think. Especially with the men who have a bit of reputation for being players, wild partying, eternal bachelorhood…or even, a former playboy heartthrob turned beloved internet bf who just wants to find happiness and settle down. That way, once they do have that title of being settled down, the hope may be to refocus the attention on something else. Work, career, other endeavors, and less on personal life. Especially if CE’s current marriage narrative is that he’s being private. Now there’s going to be the trash tabloids talking all day about pregnancy and kids and family and etc etc. As upsetting as that can be for some fans, remember that settled down and stability often does include talk about kids and family. I think they’re just having a time of it because the fans so deeply loathe his wife. I don’t think anyway they spin it will make people welcome this pairing and potential kids more.

This is just my opinion though.

…

In regards to CE redeeming himself…please don’t take this the wrong way, but the public won’t care enough to look past who he married. I know some blogs on here are trying to mold a narrative the public condemns him now but I really don’t believe that’s true. I don’t think he needs to do any public redeeming because no, some angry comments on his IG regarding her is not the majority. I am sorry, but it is not.

The public losing interest does not = condemn.

He’s just fading in starmeter because well, he’s sort of had his time to shine, right? That’s usually what happens to most people. Look at the top list of highest grossing actors this year vs 2019. This year is all people who were in the biggest stuff. They had the most press and limelight.

CE and half the avengers were on the top list back in 2019. I remember this because at the time, some of my friends were googling him them because he had such a huge year. Do you see what I mean?

What goes up must come down. But it doesn’t mean he can’t come back in the future. Look, just because he got “married” doesn’t mean his life is over. It’s only over if he chooses to let it be over.

Please kindly remember that AB is not known to the GP as anyone other than the person who is married to him. I have my doubts she’ll ever be known as anything but but again, don’t quote me. I just don’t see her becoming this big star or even lukewarm star simply because she has sort of proven she has no draw or IT factor.

The one group he may have to “redeem” himself to is his fanbase. This one is tougher to navigate because I don’t know what their endgame will be in terms of what he does with his now marriage status. For now, he just looks like he’s settled down. I think the GP has more or less stopped checking for him in regards to anything else related to that, and from what it looks like, they were never even checking for AB even though she just had a movie release in the states. Lol.

I think the issue with AB is more that she’s been reliant on using someone else to get attention for two years now. So her boosts in fame will always have to be through him. I doubt that makes her very happy because from what I can infer, I think she wants to be famous on her own due to the public magically adoring her. If she had been truly content just being the wife she would have done more to boost HIM and leverage herself by association. Think of the other gf/wives of famous men. Don’t they always seem to boost themselves off being around their guys and getting people to like bOTH of them together? And then by association, people will follow them for more cute content and breadcrumbs. I think hemsworth’s wife does it, Blake lively as Ryan reynold’s wife does, Henry cavill’s gf does, Eva mendes’ does for Ryan gosling, and etc. all of these women are all actually people who do have their own careers but their husbands/partners are clearly the bigger stars. They lean into it and boost themselves at the same time.

AB does not. Maybe she’s not allowed to lol but also - she always only posts things about herself to try and draw the attention to herself. Her posting HIS dog was to draw attention to her. Her posting around the time he has work stuff but ignoring his work and basically acting like he doesn’t exist doesn’t help her at all but it’s what they’ve decided to do.

She was DOA before she even arrived. I honestly recommend if you are still a fan of his to just try and ignore her. It’s all you can do. If you cannot separate her from him then please consider just letting him go.

I am sorry if this is not what people want to hear. But I cannot know what they’re trying to do behind the scenes but I do think CE is pivoting to have people focus on his career and work instead. This can be a good thing. He may never regain that fanbase back because unfortunately of who he decided to let himself be linked to but it doesn’t mean the future is set in stone.

Have a good day booky! (Please angry anons do not come for the mod. Its just one stranger’s opinion)

Always a pleasure to read your replies, Marketing An🫶n. Especially with the good points you continue to make ❤️

You had me worried that you weren't able to read my posts 😅🥹 I'm glad that you are though 😁

As for angry an🫶ns and readers... Honestly, it's fine... It means they're accepting my welcome invitation for a vent space. Which honestly, everyone needs.

Until the next one, Marketing An🫶n 😊

[squid-ink-symphony]

Why YOU should vote for Shiver!

I know, i know. You are probably already decided on Frye or Big Man for this Splatfest. I don't blame you. All the members of Deep Cut are deeply loveable and would all make equally useless leaders. But i'm going to try and convince any of you that might be on the fence. And of course this is just for fun. I wish the best of luck to all three teams! I love all members of Deep Cut near equally and if this were a popularity contest i would be STRUGGLING. But luckily we have a concrete question to answer here!

Reason One:

She already sort of is the leader? She opens and closes the Anarchy Splatcast, is the one to announce Splatfests, and seems to be the one setting the tone for most of their broadcasts. So in a way you could argue she is already naturally fulfilling the role of a leader in Deep Cut. She serves as a stable(ish) point that both Big Man and Frye can bounce off of for conversations and jokes. In story mode you could argue Frye is more of a leader, but when it comes to the Splatcast Shiver is leading. So, the fact that Shiver DOESN'T step in and try to be in the spotlight and lets Frye take the lead shows that she knows how to let others be in charge when they are better suited to be.

Reason Two:

She has the least cons when it comes to her being in charge. This is a bit of a personal preference, but to me she seems like she has the least flaws when it comes to specifically leadership qualities. (She is still.... quite flawed...) Let's face it. Big Man is too much of a softie to be a leader. He would be VERY easily swayed by others. This is evident in his dialogue during his story mode rematch. "Ayy... (Still not a big fan of fighting, but...) Aaay! (The other two will yell at me if I run away!)" <direct quote from him. He is already easily pushed around by both Shiver and Frye. Figuratively AND literally when you take this line into account: “Ay? (Is that why you elbowed me aside when we were in line for ice cream?)” So he wouldn't even really be a leader in the end, more like a figurehead. Frye or Shiver could easily get him to do anything they wanted. Do i think they would seriously force him to do something he absolutely doesn't want to? No. But it wouldn't be that hard to convince him. He likes making people happy. As for Fyre? She's very indecisive. It's shown time and time again when she debates what splatfest team to pick, often changing her mind multiple times. She is also very spontaneous and likes to change plans up quickly. This can be helpful, but i think it would just end up with Deep Cut not having a concrete plan and instead bouncing around from project to project.

Reason 3:

inkipedia lowkey agrees with me. Ok, ok, ok. I know this is a stupid point. But all of this is quite silly already. But check out this quote from the wiki:

"Still, she appears to be the most mature member of Deep Cut, often remaining pragmatic, and composed, opposite of Frye and Big Man who tend to be more bold than Shiver. This maturity makes her a sort of leader of Deep Cut, in charge of opening and closing every Anarchy Splatcast and announcing important events like Splatfest themes and game updates."

See! At least the fans in charge of the wiki agree with me!

Reason 4:

She is the most mature. I know this is directly from the inkipedia quote above. But roll with me here. She is the most level headed and rational member of the trio. (which, admittedly, isn't saying much) But this means she can make good decisions and won't lead Deep Cut into too much trouble.

Reason 5:

It would be funny. A LOT of people are getting genuinely upset and toxic/rude about Shiver winning 4 splatfests. You know what would be funny? Making mean people even madder.

In conclusion... None of them are great choices. They do truy work better as co hosts instead of having one lead the other two. But when it comes down to it, Shiver is pretty much already leading Deep Cut. So having it be official wouldn't change their dynamic that much in the end.

Besides, we all know who should be the real leader of Deep Cut.... MARIE! I mean she is their boss.... right?

[dojae-huh]

you watched lastart newest episode hehe, i was dying to talk to you about it. we have feelings in common about many trainees/smrookies but i have differences too. here's what i think about them now

sion - he's a bit bland for me too in his performance but i can see that he's hardworking and has leadership. that's what sm wanna highlight i guess but he does looks hardworking and seems levelheaded too? if i may add about his performance, yushi impresses me more overall but sion has potential to grow. 4 years look longer than the time most older srxxb trained but sion has potential as visual, center, main or lead dancer and lead vocalist in sm's eye methinks. guess he was more nervous in u than lucifer because of equipment issue and rehearsal mistakes. jae's visual and manner hidden agenda is another quality sm is trying to use but jae is one of a kind with everything he has got. uri clumsy eloquent peach puppy prince all-rounder with a bit of lewserness and cute weirdness 🥺🫳 i can see sion growing into an all-rounder with eloquent prince aura but the other parts of his personality will be different and revealed later. it'd be nice if fans see jae and sion for who they are

yushi - boy am i impressed with his stage presence and expression on top of his dancing that the judges keep pointing out! he's got a fierce look in his eye when hes on stage but ig he can pull off other concepts too. his voice is not my style but it's the unique youthful dreamies type that fans like and he sings pretty stably in live so far. now sion does most of the leading and talking but it's a jp unit so yushi might end up the leader or sm may go with co-leader system like few other groups. i saw merch from yushi's edamame bean era and he opened up more he looks like a funny individual and someone who can lead too.

riku - the no. 1 trainee for me. his visual looks like a cute wolf but he seems to be a fiercely determined person too. he mentioned pain twice in his profile. back to his skills, fire rap and dance and expression even in a pretty short training period. he isn't a singer but when he sang in u, he didnt crack. it's just one line but i have a thought if he can sing sometimes like mark after he debuts. sm must debut him.

jungmin - another one we agree sm will debut. gritty unique voice and i like it too. his personality is super interesting. he wrote his nickname is dog poop and he said he's wacky 😆 his smile is cute and if he weren't so tense on his first stage, i think he can do cheerful concepts. twt vocal people say he doesn't support but he's technically better than nct dream vocal line already. pls i wanna see him get better because he sings live well but techniques will help him in the long term.

==============================

minjae - his performance doesn't match the rest but as the show goes on, it's clear now that he's the most skilled and stable vocalist. he isn't clearly there yet like riku and jungmin but ig sm won't debut a group without strong vocals. except dreamies which were supposed to be rotational. i'm sorry if i offended any dreamies fan but boa and taemin know about technical and stylistic singing based on their comments for jungmin and minjae. i'm sure sm singing coaches and team want both technical and stylistic in sm groups. daeyoung is added but what daeyoung said about high notes made me assume minjae is still the best lastart vocalist. minjae seems to have some confidence in his skills. he knows the importance of emotional singing and even biases doie. imho if he gains confidence when dancing and singing and makes more facial expression, he will do well. his visual is flower boy and offstage he looks like a calmer extrovert, not as awkward as on stage. do you think wearing braces affect his expression when singing or his confidence on stage tho? i notice he doesn't smile widely and saw his braces.

sakuya - moving up my ranking. good rap and dance. his performance in u surprised me! he seems more versatile and stable than ryo but because both are still so young, sm might keep them as trainees until next group debut.

anderson - i like his energy on stage and he's a good dancer in a short training period too but i can see him in both future group and nct tokyo lol the jp market might not need a foreigner but if sm wants someone to speak english and have some plans for the global market like wayv, anderson is necessary. he's also very friendly, outgoing and energetic offstage. the other extroverts in lastart are somewhere between shy and outgoing.

ryu - he is consistently good and sings stably. u shows his dancing is better than minjae and ryu looks more confident than minjae too but ryu is more of a lead vocalist so far. i like his parts a lot in u but he's midranked in the judges' eye. i have a feeling sm will keep ryu for future group to train him more since he's already impressive after two weeks but still not outstanding than others. even tho it will be a jp unit without a japanese vocalist unless sm pushes yushi 😅

ryo - he did well but likely will be kept for future group too. his voice and yushi's seem similar to me but ryo is going thru voice change phase. ryo looks like he has less confidence than sakuya and more limited in difference concepts.

haruta, kassho and heitetsu - them 😢 haruta is one of the best dancers on the show but he seemed less confident in u cos he had to sing? kassho is a unique face but he seems so quiet and not confident yet. in a way i think of hansol but hansol was already a confident and skilled dancer even if he was super quiet in smrookies content. let's see if daeyoung changes the atmosphere. heitetsu is a good moodmaker, has good jp style visual, and seems confident but deep down he's not and affects his performance. if he loosens up and upskills in dancing, sm might debut him in the future group.

daeyoung - sweet visual with mature voice. yet another korean vocalist for jp unit 😅 most trainees seem to know him tho. do you think sm planned to add daeyoung from the beginning and the trainees knew but they weren't able to add him until weeks later?

i wrote too much lol but your blog is the only place to read watchers' long and honest thoughts after watching. thank you!

Sion. I have seen the thirst trap that was posted recently. Sion and Yuushi are visuals, they will attract their share of fans. SM generally tries to debut the trainees it invested a lot in, and Sion falls into a type fans like. He will be made the leader (despite Riku already playing the part, heh). I don't know about the centre. At first - yes. He needs to progress with his dance to hold the position though, he doesn't really have stage precence right now.

I liked Yuushi's vocal part more than Sion's. For a non-vocal he did well. Seems like SM already found a style/image for him. He seems to really like dancing, so he will progress.

"uri clumsy eloquent peach puppy prince all-rounder with a bit of lewserness and cute weirdness"

I like this description, heh.

Where can I see translated to English profiles? I've come across only JP/KR versions.

I agree that SM wants and needs a main vocalist for the unit. Ryo was casted in March of 2023, a few weeks before the show. It reminds me how Baekhyun was added to Exo last minute (didn't he train for like 6 months before debut?). I suspect the late addition of Daeyoung was planned. It brings a twist to the show.

I don't think braces affect Minjae, I think it's just his character. It's a show that determines his fate, therefore he should be more tense than his usual self, still, he hasn't shown any charm yet.

Keep in mind that the show is pre-recorded. The members were selected already in Spring, probably. There should be at least 6 months of additional training before debut. Idol agencies look not only at the current level, but the speed of improvement as well. There is usually a big break between the first song and the first comeback.

You have a point about the lack of Japanese vocals. I think this fact rises Ryu's chances to debut.

[sparatus]

74 for the spotify wrapped ficlet game :)

yesssssss YESSSSSSS

this one's a lot of fun to BELT ngl

the speaker of the song knows they're being lied to by a lover who keeps telling them they'll love them forever, and even though it hurts because they're fully aware of what's coming, they can't help but still love them. adhd thought process bounced around a few times but i kept coming back to my original concept for this so guess what we're going with, lol, hope u like Ierian Sparatus Backstory Content™

ierian is my hc name for cnclr sparatus, herrimius invidas is the ex-boyfriend who clawed his face apart and gave him the facial scars we see in canon :)

spotify wrapped new game+: send me a number 1-101 and i'll write you a ficlet inspired by the corresponding song

--

Ierian couldn't tell you when the spark died between him and Herrimius. Maybe it had been last month, maybe last year. Maybe it had never really been there at all, and he'd just let himself think it was because Herrimius thought he was hot and it felt good to be desired.

That part of it was still there, at least. If all else failed, Herrimius still thought he was attractive and wanted to fuck him. He wanted to fuck him a lot, really, and that was what made Ierian think. Where his other friends talked about going out to see a simulstim, or eat at a nice restaurant, or mess around at a combat sim, or anything else that might be a fun date, all he and Herrimius seemed to do was fuck and show each other stupid shit they found on the extranet. He would have liked to do those things, of course. They sounded fun, and he wanted to have that same kind of light about him that his friends got when they talked about their dates and partners. But whenever he brought it up, Herrimius would wave him off - "not right now" or "maybe" or "I'm busy," until Ierian stopped bringing it up.

He was never too busy for the things he wanted to do, Ierian also noticed. Everything was about Herrimius's interests, or desires, or ideas. Ierian's got brushed off, and sometimes straight-up ignored. Of course, if he tried to brush Herrimius off, it was the end of the world, and Ierian had to scramble to apologize and make time for him, even if he really couldn't afford to, but then, he was Herrimius's friend, and Herrimius was pretty busy, so it was fine.

"I'm important to you, right?" Ierian asked him one night, when they were lying in bed after another round. It hadn't been much fun, Herrimius had wanted to try something Ierian hadn't been that into, but he'd tried it for Herrimius's sake (and decided it sucked), and he wasn't as tired as usual, so his brain was still rolling ideas around.

"Huh?" Herrimius was tired, as he'd enjoyed himself much more than Ierian had. "'Course, what makes you think you're not?"

"Mm. Just thinking. Late-night existentialism, you know."

Herrimius snorted and rolled over. "You think too much. One of these days, you'll think yourself into trouble, and then what will you do?"

"If I'm a lawyer by then, I'll be fine."

Herrimius didn't respond. After a minute, a whistling snore rose from his side of the bed.

He never seemed to pay much attention when Ierian wanted to talk about the future. About law school, about his anxieties and motivations and all his debates on which branch he wanted to specialize in. He had a plan and everything - he'd go home to Acalin, study at U-TIE there like every generation of his family before him, sign on with the Cavalry to finish out his mandatory service while he was there, pass the bar exam, get a job with the government, live out a mildly interesting but not wholly exciting life in the peaceful anonymity of an imperial prosecutor. He could tell you every obstacle, every leg up, every time frame.

He wasn't even sure Herrimius had an idea of what he'd do with himself.

He supposed he might be able to pencil in room for meeting new people. Children might be nice, at some point, once he had everything stable and comfortable enough to put a nest together. Herrimius didn't want children, but maybe he could be talked around once they were older.

His gizzard grumbled, and he wondered how much longer he could keep lying to himself.

[romantic-reveries]

Today was way more emotionally taxing than I would’ve expected, considering.

I spent the day with him. And it was fantastic and lovely and everything I wanted it to be except the part where we (he) is still no closer to figuring out the future. I thought… I thought that’s what this trip was for.

He brought it up before we even kissed. I’d been feeling it all day, and I thought it was the same fear of abandonment I’d been contending with all week that had me fighting the urge tooth and nail not to call it off. But he asked how I saw this—us—working. I don’t know, so I asked him. He said him not wanting to do long distance is hard, and me not driving makes it even harder. When I mentioned my grandma would drive me—she did with my ex, or met him halfway—he said that was a big ask. And he’s not wrong, but… that’s the only way it would work. I like to hope I’ll drive at some point, and maybe that’s motivation to try harder to overcome the fear, but… I mean, even if I drove, you have to drive through Atlanta to get to him, and that’s a huge ask for someone who has spent this long terrified of driving. If he lived on this side of Atlanta, maybe.

I mostly don’t understand, though. He knew that before he came. I didn’t hide it from him. He made it sound like we needed to talk about it in person, like he wanted to see what the commute was like, see if it was the same in person as it has been on the phone, but there isn’t much to say to that—him not wanting it and it being inconvenient seems pretty unmalleable. So why did he come? What was the point? When we talked about us meeting, it was always in the context of it being the next logical step to figure things out, except nothing changed, so why did we do it? And it wasn’t even a sexual thing, because he didn’t even originally plan on coming to my house, and even when he did, we didn’t go past fully clothed heavy petting.

And it’s funny, because when my grandma (bless her) asked if he’d be back, he intentionally didn’t answer, only said, “it’s not that far” in agreement with her, but when she asked previously how the trip was, he’d said “it won’t be that bad to make”, won’t, as if him coming back was a foregone thing.

I spent half the day wanting to cry because of the haunting feeling I was already carrying that I’ll never actually see him again. That this was just one beautiful day. And I kept reminding myself—he’s here now. Soak it up, be in the moment, enjoy it for what it is, and even if this is all it is, it was still good. Important. It’s fundamentally changed me, I think. Made me realize that men like him do exist. Who are consistent and stable and patient and kind.

But the thing is, multiple times today, I thought: I could do this forever. I’ve never wanted someone like that before, even guys I thought I was crazy about. He just feels like home. He’s somehow become my best friend. I don’t know if I’m in love with him, but I think I’m falling in love with him, and I’m fucking terrified.

Because if those guys I’ve fancied myself infatuated with before, who gave me nothing—if they hurt me? He has the ability to absolutely shatter me. I can’t imagine the kind of pain that would bring. The idea of continuing this… we both want each other and we flirt and we’re sexual with each other but nothing more is going to happen? The idea of him eventually getting back on dating apps and actively trying to date other people? Makes me sick to even consider.

And the worst part is, I couldn’t even be mad at him. I can’t blame him for wanting someone he can see daily if he wants to, and really, he deserves better than me anyway. Someone more stable. Someone who has their shit together. He’s such a wonderful person. He might be one of the best, kindest people I’ve ever met. And I’m lucky to know him, to have had him at all, even in this small capacity.

And even after spending all day with me, as he was leaving, I said I hoped he had a safe trip, and he said he’d text me when he got home. Then he said, “actually, you can call. I mean, I’m gonna be on the road for two hours.” He spent all fucking day with me and he still wants to talk.

And I’m telling myself, if it’s meant to be, if I’m worth it to him, he’ll make it work. But that doesn’t stop the maelstrom of conflicted feelings inside me. After he left, all I wanted to do was wash him off. The fear I’ve had for weeks, that maybe he’s just dragging this out until he decides he wants to date again, flared magnificently to life. Turns out I couldn’t completely wash him off—he gave me my first hickey at the ripe old age of almost 29 and all I can think about any of this is: why?

[deltaofthepack]

Okay so im putting a cut on this for the pretty heavy topic of pet death, so theres that.

my cat passed away last week and I think im still working through the grief.

but currently im tryping this up while sitting at my desk at work.

Im mostly stable but it hurts so much. He died in my arms, and even though he was old, and a little sickly, I still loved him with everything I have. I love him even now.

Everytime I pass by his grave I feel the urge to run my hand through his fur, and feel him butt up against my hip, or meow up at me in his silly little way.

I miss him like a limb. I dont think anything will feel the way it did before, and I have to get used to this new normal without him, but I dont really want to.

On the other hand. My grandmother passed over the weekend. She and I were never close. And while i worry for my dad and am sad that shes gone, Im not turn apart, hell i didnt even really cry.

Its not like either was truly unexpected, weve known my grnadmother was going to pass sometime soon for a few months, and Jerry wasnt exactly a kitten anymore.

But I cant even begin to compare the two. He was the most consistent family Ive had in the last 4 years, aside from my s/o.

Someone jokingly asked if i was getting a new cat the other day and I burst into tears, but Im probably not even going to the memorial for my grandmother.

I know grief is different for everyone, and that pets are important. But seeing it layed out this way, and having so many people validate that experience of hysteric crying while i hold him one last time?

The only way i can describe it is carving away rot to allow the wound to heal.

Ive been struggling so much with self blame about the whole thing, drowning in what ifs, and struggling how little I seem to care about a person, so this helps.

But I wish i had more time. More time with him, more time to process, more time between the two tragedies.

But life goes on. And im at work.

Im making mistakes and zoning out and all but the most essential parts of my job have fallen to the wayside, but im a warm body taking the place of the cog within the machine.

I just wish i didnt have to, sometimes.