#he says things are a gas if he likes them and tells people to dig it if they understand

[sirmanmister]

Oc Mannerisms

Ty @typosandtea for the tag!! I'm tagging anybody and everybody that wants to join 🫵🫵

Damien

NO. OF SPOKEN LANGUAGES: 1 / 2* / 3 (English and eventually ASL)

TONE OF VOICE: high / average / deep

ACCENT: Yes (Boston accent!) / No

DEMEANOR: confident / shy / approachable / hostile / other

POSTURE: slumped / straight / stiff / relaxed

HABITS: head tilting / swaying / fidgeting / stuttering / gesturing / arm crossing / strokes chin / er, um, or other interjections / plays with hair or clothing / hands at hips / inconsistent eye contact / maintains eye contact / frequent pausing / stands close / stands at a distance

COMPLEXITY

VOCABULARY: ⬤⬤〇〇〇

EMOTION: ⬤⬤⬤〇〇

SENTENCE STRUCTURE: ⬤⬤⬤〇〇

PROFANITY

FREQUENCY: ⬤⬤⬤〇〇

CREATIVITY (in regards to profanity): ⬤⬤〇〇〇 (he called kellogg a worm)

BOLD ALL THAT APPLY: arse. ass. asshole. bastard. bitch. bloody. bugger. bollocks. chicken shit. crap. cunt. dick. frick. fuck. horseshit. motherfucker. piss. prick. screw. shit. shitass. son of a bitch. twat. wanker. pussy.

IMPORTANT QUESTIONS

DO PEOPLE HAVE A HARD TIME HEARING OR UNDERSTANDING YOUR CHARACTER? - almost always / frequently / rarely / never

DOES YOUR CHARACTER'S INTENDED POINT COME ACROSS EASILY WHEN THEY SPEAK? - almost always / frequently / sometimes / rarely / never.

WOULD YOUR CHARACTER INITIATE CONVERSATIONS? - almost always / frequently / sometimes / never.

WOULD YOUR CHARACTER BE THE ONE TO END CONVERSATIONS? - almost always / frequently / sometimes / rarely / never.

WOULD YOUR CHARACTER USE 'WHOM' IN A SENTENCE? - yes / no (baby boy thinks whom is for academics ONLY)/ only ironically

YOUR CHARACTER WANTS TO MAKE A COUNTERPOINT. WHAT WORD DO THEY USE? - but / though / although / however / perhaps / mayhaps.

HOW DOES YOUR CHARACTER END CONVERSATIONS? - walk away / ask if that's everything / say that's everything / give a proper goodbye / tell their company they're done here / remain quiet / they don't.

WHAT SOCIAL CLASS WOULD OTHERS ASSUME YOUR CHARACTER BELONGS TO, HEARING THEM SPEAK? - upper / middle / lower.

IN WHAT WAYS DOES THE WAY YOUR CHARACTER SPEAK STAND OUT TO OTHERS? - accent / vocabulary / tone / level / politeness / brusqueness / it doesn't.

[shikiii-skadi]

Hey can do yandere levi ackerman and hang Zoe and Erwin please

INCLUDES: levi ackermann, erwin smith, hanji zoe WARNINGS: Yandere content, unhealthy mindset, unhealthy relationship, abuse, possessiveness, obsessiveness, stalking, clinginess, delusion, paranoia, overprotectiveness, mentions of kidnapping, death, manipulation, gas-lighting, murder, suicide, cannibalism, mutilation NAVIGATION: Attack on Titan Masterlist | part 1 (eren, mikasa, christa, armin)

Levi Ackermann:

Typ of Yandere:

Overprotective: More than anything, he wants you to survive. More than anyone, he knows how brutal the world is out there. Man-eating titans or people who are as disgusting as animals, he has seen it all. And Levi also knows how weak you are in comparison. You could never get through this, not without him protecting you. That is why he has made it his mission to prevent you from being on the list of the dead as well. And he will do it as long as he is able to.

Rude: The biggest tsundere-yandere out there. He still calls you an idiot and is not above criticizing you harshly for doing something stupid in his eyes. Honestly, sometimes you really wonder if it's true when he says he loves you. But given the fact that he is a yandere, that is a question you ask yourself only briefly lol.

Dependence: Honestly, this man is just miserable. he lost everything so many times that he stopped counting. Is it an excuse for the way he treats you? No. But you can understand why. He clings to the little bit of luck he still has in his life. You are like the air he needs to breathe. Without you, he'd be like a fish trapped on dry land.

How and when started the obsession:

It takes a long time for Levi to let you get close to him, but once that hurdle is crossed, it doesn't take long for him to snap given the world you both live in.

Do they know that their feelings are unhealthy/not normal?

To a certain degree, yes. But he would consider it natural that he wants to protect you with every fiber of his being.

How far are they willing to go?

Murder: Levi is definitely capable of killing someone without much difficulty. And when it comes to your safety and well-being, he wouldn't hesitate for a second. However, Levi would not kill any potential rivals.

Hurting you: No, Levi would never hurt you physically. However, his blunt words are another story.

Blackmail: If something were to arise, then yes, but Levi wouldn't go out of his way to dig things up. But he would definitely use his position to make sure you are in his squad or don't participate in certain missions.

Kidnapping: It wouldn't be his first choice to kidnap you, because generally, Levi wants you to be happy and do the things you like (as long as you don't put yourself in danger that is). But if you two reach a point where Levi feels that you simply can't learn from your mistakes and continue to act recklessly over and over again, then he will see no other option than to physically restrain you. So that you are no longer a danger to yourself.

Final stage: Honestly the person who is responsible for your death, should just kill themselves before Levi has the chance to get them himself. He will not let them get away. It could take years and Levi would still be as adamant to make the person, who killed you suffer. He would never forget and in the end, he would get to them, no matter where they might try to flee to. The world is too small to hide from Levi Ackermann.

What is it overall like to have them as a Yandere?

As mentioned earlier, Levi is just miserable. He is so out of touch with his feelings that he would probably never confess his feelings to you on his own and you would have to make the first move. Which is why a scenario of rejection is unlikely. If you were to correctly interpret his behavior and tell him that you don't love him, it would hurt him a lot inside, but he wouldn't do anything to you. He wouldn't kidnap you or pressure you into a relationship. Levi doesn't have a high opinion of himself in that regard and probably doesn't think he's worthy of your companionship anyway. He would still stay by your side and protect you, but he doesn't expect anything in return. Knowing that you're safe is good enough for him.

Levi is probably one of the better Yanderes to have. Apart from his overprotectiveness he is pretty reasonable and will actually listen to you if you have complaints.

Erwin Smith:

Typ of Yandere:

Manipulative: This man has a way with words. He could bring someone to jump willingly off a cliff if he wanted to. The key word here is "if he wanted to". I have a hard time imagining that he would ever manipulate you. He is too controlled and aware of himself for that.

Stalker: Because of his position as the Commander of the Survey Corps, he doesn't have a lot of time to stalk you. But it is his favorite free time activity. Just watching you do your daily tasks fills him with more joy than you could ever imagine.

Disappearance: Every day anew he sends soldiers to their death. He is convinced that he does not deserve you and that you will be better off with someone else. Which is why he will eventually leave you. It is even more likely that he has never approached at all.

How and when started the obsession:

Erwin feels lonely deep down. And sometimes he finds himself wishing he had someone by his side. But because of his opinion of himself, he never brought himself to change your relationship as comrades into something deeper. It was only a matter of time before all these suppressed emotions grew into something unhealthy.

Do they know that their feelings are unhealthy/not normal?

Yes and no. He was already conflicted enough with his normal feelings, so he didn't notice the change in the beginning.

How far are they willing to go?

Murder: No, never. It would never even cross his mind.

Hurting you: He would never do that either.

Blackmail: Even if he doesn't like to admit it, there have been situations where he has taken advantage of his position and made sure that this one person, who obviously was interested in you, suddenly stays miles away from you.

Kidnapping: If he wanted, he would be able to make you disappear without anyone finding even a trace of you ever again. But before it would ever come to that, he would have already distanced himself from you.

Final stage: Not even a single hair on your head would be harmed during the whole time of his obsession. Even in the end, he would never think of killing you. Maybe he thought about ending his own life in desperate hours, but he never went through with it. After all, he still had a dream.

What is it overall like to have them as a Yandere?

Honestly, you probably never really noticed his intense feelings. The worst thing that can happen to you with him is that someone from your circle of acquaintances suddenly turns away from you for reasons unknown to you.

Hanji Zoe:

Typ of Yandere:

Manipulative: Hanji is a master of gaslighting and other manipulative tactics, due to their high intelligence. As soon as you have the slightest idea about their real intentions, they immediately make you doubt yourself. They twist stories, deny things, and immediately accuse you of those actions yourself. Hanji can predict your every move. They are always one step ahead of you. Not in a million years could you ever outsmart them. It's a game for them, honestly.

Bizarre-Seeking: Of course, someone like Hanji, who is already considered strange by many for her nature anyway, must have strange preferences. When it comes to things like strands of hair, you might be able to overlook it, but she definitely collects gross things too, like your fingernails or blood. Hanji has a whole shrine filled with your things. It is their most precious possession, next to you, of course.

Restraints: The amount of time you spend with Hanji is never enough for them. It was only a matter of time before Hanji decided that the best thing for you would be to never leave their side again. Preferably, they tie you directly to them, but if that's not possible, then a chair or the like is fine for a short time.

How and when started the obsession:

I mean, Hanji has always been a little…. strange. You probably never know them any other way. But their obsession with you started when you listened to them talk for hours about Titan experiments.

Do they know that their feelings are unhealthy/not normal?

No, they don't. Hanji thinks it's completely normal to feel this way about their significant other. They don't even think it's weird that they collect your fingernails and such. If you judge them for it, then they rather think that you are the weird one. After all, why should Hanji waste such precious things or not pay any attention to them at all?

How far are they willing to go?

Murder: Hanji would definitely kill people who stand in their way. And God have mercy on anyone they chose to kill. Hanji shows no mercy and no one will ever see the mutilated remains of their victims again. Unless they choose for their own amusement to send the victim's relatives the head.

Hurting you: Should you repeatedly try to leave their side, then Hanji is not above breaking your ankles, or legs, should she see it as more fitting. Just because you've won their love and affection doesn't mean you're saved from their more violent traits. In fact, it is quite the opposite - it just makes you more interesting. There are times when Hanji tortures you or acts out their strange tendencies and cuts off your fingers to add them to their shrine. If you cry the whole time and mess up your beautiful eyes with tears, then it's better if Hanji cuts them out for you to preserve their beauty, right?

Blackmail: In case of minor incidents or at the beginning of your relationship, Hanji usually manipulated you, not infrequently with blackmail. In the later stage, however, they rather choose physical violence. So they usually only blackmail you for fun.

Kidnapping: Hanji will definitely kidnap you and bind you to them forever. There is no other outcome.

Final stage: Hanji can accidentally kill you if she tries to cut anything off of you to be able to keep it. But if you keep rejecting them or even start hating them, they will see no other way than to kill you. Now she can shape you the way she wants. Your body will remain with her forever, as the most beautiful part of her shrine. Should you die due to natural causes, then she will eat your dead body so that you can finally be one again.

What is it overall like to have them as a Yandere?

Hanji is definitely the worst and most dangerous yandere of them all. Every one of your friends and family members runs the risk of being brutally murdered by them. And even you are not spared. The possibility that you die as her darling is incredibly high. And should you not be dead, then you are highly mutilated and disfigured. With them you always walk on eggshells, afraid of what they might do. In addition, you never have a free minute from them, because they always have you near them, if not directly tied to them.

[sea-salted-wolverine]

It is 240 pm in the afternoon and the sun is beneath the horizon and my marbles are on the loose as a result so let me tell you about the shitshow going down on the Dalton highway at this very moment.

The Dalton highway is a gorgeous strip of frozen dirt through the dead center of nowhere with no services for about 400 miles or so. The road runs up to the oil fields and generally doesn't see non commercial traffic because when I say there's nothing up there I mean that nothing has changed much since the last ice age. It is also, and this is important, December at the far extreme reaches of the northern hemisphere.

so. At mile six, first major hill of the way, there is a Canadian company with 3 oversized loads who have never run the road before. They were very confident. The road is closed because between the 3 of them and all the pilot trucks there is a single set of unbroken chains, and while I am sure they will preserve and dig themselves out of their shitshow, there is an unpleasant lesson being learned.

That said, the over confident Canadians are not the dumbest people on the road right now.

There is a group of tourists who have elected to drive up into the arms of the frozen north in the depths of winter. This is fine, its a bucket list thing, if you want to experience the true impress of the arctic from the comfort of a vehicle, running up the Dalton is the way to do it.

However.

The thing about electric vehicles is that, well, they're really not suited to extremely cold environments. The heater eats the battery and there's no combustion to generate heat in the first place. Batteries freeze. There's not even a gas station for 400 miles and it's further to a charging station. Its approximately the same issue Mark Watney had in The Martian except there is no sun and no option for solar power.

And there are some supremely ambitious tourists currently driving a little caravan of electric vehicles to the north slope. With the beginning of the road closed thanks to the overconfident Canadians, they won't be getting help for a while.

Supposedly they have a generator with them. Now, personally, for me, that's too many confounding factors in between me and the goal of not dying. The electricity powering the cars came from fossil fuels anyway, but it seems to me that carrying fuel with you to run the generator to power the car has an unnecessary step.

AFAIK there isnt any weather beyond the usual rolling in so these probably won't be fatal lessons to learn, just cold and uncomfortable ones. But also, people die like this all the time and there isn’t as if its anyone's job to stop people from committing to suicidally stupid road trips, there is no consequence that could be inflicted by a traffic cop that is worse than what will happen if you do fuck up doing the thing he told you not to.

[catacombbee]

theory time. spoilers for sbg new episode 74

does anyone actually fucking trust Maverick rn? im so fr i don't trust him one BIT.

Alex i trust. Alex seems like he has good intentions (especially with him telling Aiden he wasnt supposed to tell them) but how much could he really help? it doesn't feel like he's very high up the totem pole yk. maybe we'll have like a- Alex sticking his neck out to help/save the kids somehow and dies for it, perhaps on accident

but anyway I DONT FUCKING TRUST MAVERICK AND YOURE DUMB IF YOU DO im kidding. im kidding you're not dumb. im kidding you're amazing and go drink your water rn pls

i have SO MANY THOUGHTS ON

1. the fact he's trying to get the kids to trust him

2. the fact that he went to BEN first of all people

starting with no. 1, i think he wants something. he so CLEARLY wants something. i don't TRUST THIS MAN he may be HOT but he is UP TO SMTH!!! what i don't know is what he wants from the kids. getting them on his side and trusting him feels like a way of getting more information out of them, and what could he possibly be digging for if not more information on the phantom realm?

Alex was asking Ashlyn about the fact that they all asked for ASL books at the same time and thus must have some way of communicating. i think they must know it has to do with the phantom realm (though they don't know that it's an entire separate dimension i think) and Maverick wants to know more about how they're communicating. with the promise that he will protect them from the rest of the government, which i think might just entail "keeping you for ourselves"

and how does he get the kids to trust them? making himself seem like a good option, and separating himself from "those who put them here." the government. the bad part of the government. and how does he do that?

well that's where we come to no. 2

they have cameras. they can watch the kids and how they're acting. in fact, they've been watching the kids for a while now. if i were to pick anyone to try and talk to to get on my side having observed them from a distance, maybe id pick Taylor or Logan. the others are stubborn or unpredictable in their own ways.

So why Ben?

Maverick is trying to draw several comparisons in Ben's mind, especially with using language like the above and like this:

What Maverick is trying to connect in Ben's mind is this:

The authority = The government that locked them up here

The government =/ Maverick and his people

He's trying to get into Ben's mind and say "Hey. We want the same thing you want: to get rid of this place." The way he calls them a bunch of pigs ALMOST makes me hesitate on thinking he's being insincere, but on the other hand would that phrasing not resonate with a jaded teenage boy who's been in trouble before?

Maverick went to Ben because he saw a way in through Ben. Even though Ben is violent and stubborn (right now. and towards the staff), he recognizes that he can use Ben's past as a way of leveraging himself to a higher status in Ben's mind. Besides, if he can get one of the more stubborn kids to crack first, he's got a much easier way in with the others.

Furthermore, this will lead to more observation. He must know the kids are communicating somehow, he just doesn't know how exactly yet. This part isn't Ben specific, but by talking to one of them, he then gives himself the opportunity to watch the rest more closely for any mention of things he's said to Ben. Evidence that they have some way of talking. A way of figuring out how they're doing so.

Maverick is using Ben's past to manipulate him into trusting him.

and im pissed off abt that

BUT THATS JUST A THEORY. A GA-

anyway though i just wanted to rant about this episode and how it made me feel cus im upset and i want to hug Ben. if you don't like my theory and/or have a different one please please reblog and yap about it (nicely) i LOVELOVELOVE hearing different opinions on headcanons and theories and such. OR BUILD ON MY THEORY! i like yapping pls yap to me okay bye

also ty @arcaneafterhours for giving me screenshots cus i can't screenshot. ilu

[novarex]

Thoughts on Nere

Ugh, look at his pretty white eyelashes. I just want to smoosh his face.

I have a lot of thoughts regarding Nere and how he could have gotten where he is by the time we see him. @lysblack has started a really excellent conversation I would like to expand on. For science.

So may I present a somewhat lengthy analysis (rambling thoughts) of Nere, based on comments of other characters, what we know, and my reading of the Drizzt Do'Urdon books that go deeply into Menzoberranzan and life there.

Warning - this is long

Let's start with when we meet Nere.

Before we meet him, we meet the duergar, who have some things to say - Morgal is the one asking if you and the other duergar are "plowing", and from Corsair Greymon asking if "the Sargent has choked on True Soul Nere's prick". I do think that the duergar here are just generally vulgar and probably don't have much respect for anyone, but they are definitely getting to the end of their patience with Nere. They are mostly hired mercenaries with at least one believer in the Absolute among them (Sargent Thrinn). Something to note here is that duergar are a race of dwarves that were experimented on an changed by Mind Flayers and later escaped, that is why they have psionic powers, you can connect to them without them having a tadpole, and they have a special nose for True Souls because they can literally smell the parasite in you.

When you move down to the cave in area where Nere is trapped and Thrinn and her crew are trying to dig him out, you can talk to Nere through the rubble. He is literally suffocating to death on the poison that is filling the room, and obviously panicking - he thinks he is going to die in that room and I don't blame him. In his eyes (and any Lolthsworn drow), the people that are supposed to be rescuing him are just about the worst case scenario - they are inferior, disloyal, stupid, and unlikely to succeed. Like Minthara, I am sure he would MUCH rather have drow coming to rescue him than mercenary duergar and slave deep gnomes. On that note, he even is quick to tell you, another True Soul, not to trust the duergar mercenaries.

I also want to take a moment to say that no matter what we think of his behavior, Nere has to be under an absolute unbearably high amounts of pressure at this point - he is failing in his mission, he is stuck in the rubble that is quickly filling with gas, with wildly unreliable help. Like this is peak desperation. He is lashing out in anger and fear in any way he can. I think our Tav showing up is probably the only thread of hope he has to cling on to. Even Gale recognizes how bad of a situation Nere is in.

When you push into Nere's mind at the rubble and see through his eyes while he is suffocating to death in the cave in, the narrator makes a point to say that he had killed a gnome with powerful magic. He probably went to Sorcere (school for magic) in Menzoberranzan (although it is possible he isn't from Menzo).

Most noble drow have a natural talent for magic (breeding throughout the centuries), but sometimes commoners have the talent for it too. Sorcere is almost exclusively men because women with any talent for magic go to Arach-Tinilith, the school for drow priestesses. Male drow can also go to the school for fighting, Melee-Magthere (Drizzt went here), and they do spend one year at the end of their training in Sorcere learning some magic.

The reason I don't think Nere is a noble is that he would have certainly let us know if he were, especially if you are playing as a drow (I play as a drow female). This could just be an oversight in the writing, but I don't think so. When you fight the spectator over where the petrified drow are, if you manage not to get Dhourn the wizard killed and talk to him (disguise yourself as a female drow if you don't play as one and you can bully him into giving you his research and not have to kill him), he immediately lets you know he is the third boy of house Ba'Tol. In everything else I have experienced, drow are quick to name drop their house. It is extremely important in Lolthsworn society.

Nere is probably a commoner with enough magic talent to go to the school. All drow have a little magic to some degree, but to really learn it you have to go to Sorcere. There are few things you can do as a male in Memzoberranzan that give you any sort of status besides "useless male", and wizard/sorcerer is one. I suppose it is possible he is of noble birth, but I really think he would have let us know.

In Sorcere he would have spent most of his time around other males, as Sorcere is a 30 year long school (unlike Melee-Magthere which is 10), and exclusively male, which could explain why a female hadn't absolutely killed the shit out of him yet. The occasional priestesses from Arach-Tinilith would be around, but I think he could manage to be fine.

Nere certainly has an attitude to match with having gone to Sorcere. Some of his reactions, like blaming others for failures, are actually VERY cultural and expected among Lolthsworn drow. It just tracks. It would be strange if he didn't. He would have, however, faced constant criticism, bullying, sabotage, and crappy backstabbing politics within his time there, so it makes sense that he would have some emotional baggage regarding failure. Pretty much all male drow do to some extent. Even if he didn't have to deal too much with daily subjugation by female drow, he would still have faced a lot of scrutiny from other males in Sorcere. Failure of any kind is extremely dangerous in Lolthsworn society, especially for men.

I don't think his failure necessarily comes from him being bad at things. He has really good stats, so he isn't weak at all. He is also physically very strong. He is taller than both Gale and Astarion. The top of my female drow's head comes up to his chin (as opposed to Astarion and Gale where the top of her head is about dead center on theirs). He is also clearly intended to be intimidating. He has the Muscular feature as well as High Spellcasting - so he is big, strong, and good with magic. Wisdom is his lowest stat, and that could be the source of his problems in life. Strangely, he has really high charisma... but I will get to that shortly.

Anyway, back to the Grymforge. Before you bust him out of the rubble, talk to Thrinn, then go talk to the two drow who want to betray Nere, go back and talk to Thrinn and let her know they are planning to betray him. She doesn't seem particularly concerned with Nere's ability to handle them.

I think it is reasonable to assume that Nere is not a total fuckup. I think he has a lot of talent and strengths, but is either unlucky or unwise, or some combination of both. He has enough intelligence and strength to be powerful, and enough charisma to persuade people, but not enough wisdom and insight to know when to shut up or walk away... or when he is in over his head.

I do think he is unwise... there are some indications that he constantly underestimates what he is up against. This could be from lack of experience or this is just a character flaw.

Baby boy, what about any of this is simple? Please. You should have known better.

He is trying so hard here to convince himself that things are going to work out, but you can here it in his voice that he is trying to believe it. He must think that we are surely powerful enough to speak to Ketheric and convince him that Nere is still worthy. He is lacking the appropriate wisdom and insight to really accept what has happened.

We know from talking to Minthara that the influence of the Absolute is extremely overpowering and overrides any of your own common sense. It turns you into a fanatic and forces you to do things you would never ever do if you had control of yourself. This would also be true of Nere. He has this wild fanaticism and desperation to please Ketheric and the Absolute, but he drops it IMMEDIATELY when you fill him in on what is really going on. Once he is free of the brain's power and sees the bigger puncture, there is a very strong shift in his attitude.

He becomes very reasonable and quickly puts two and two together. This is probably the first time ever in his life where he is free of cult influence - if you convince him to run from the Absolute (and also I assume Lolth, because dear god he CAN NOT go back there without being tortured to death for information and then killed or worse, turned into a drider for his sins against Lolth)... and it does seem like he has a lot to process.

He is actually very calm and grateful for what you have done for him. It is such a shame you can't drag him around with you.

I am also not sure if it is an oversight in writing, or if Nere loses control of his mind again once we leave the area, or if he is just so pissed off at Balthazar and Ketheric and the whole ordeal that he goes after Balthazar to try and mess everything up for the Absolute by sabotaging the Nightsong plot.... but it is just such a shame that he dies anyway. I would like to think it is just a gap in writing because the game is SO HUGE.

If he is wiling to potentially die for a cause, what better cause than getting revenge on the people who did this to him? What better hook to get him to join our party and quest to destroy the Absolute and rid ourselves of the parasite? I think this is a huge missed opportunity.

LET ME DO IT, LARIAN. AGHHHH. LET ME SAVE HIM.

As far as how he became an exile/rogue, because I really do think he was.... (previous post on this)... I think there are a few possibilities, and we have absolute no indication as to what they could have been.

So this is pure speculation with nothing to back it up on my part. Here are a list of reasons he could have resulted in him being separated from Lolthite society.

Was out on some kind of mission and failed, couldn't go back without risk of severe punishment or death.

Separated from expedition to the surface (for slaves, or supplies, or whatever) either through no fault of his own or because he was unwise.

Attempted to kill someone and failed, fled. Probably while they were away from the city.

There was an attempt on his life that failed and he fled. Probably also while they were away from the city.

Was scouting or part of an expedition for a noble house that was annihilated while they were away. Nothing to return to without risking being killed.

I don't think he was some matriarch's special pet, because there is a certain level of obedience a reverence for female drow he would need to have to not be killed. His attitude is way off to have been some matron or priestess's favorite. Sure he is hot, but most drow are hot, so the standards for "too hot to be killed" are way too high for that to have been it. There are plenty of dead hot drow men.

I think it is likely that he made some mistakes that led to him not being able to go back for fear of death. I also think that when he mentions going to the Order of Soul Spiders, that is just him being unwise and not thinking the whole thing thorough. Like baby boy, you are going to be destroyed once the hear what you have to say. Sure, they will want to know it, but you are NOT going to escape punishment for abandoning Lolth. That isn't a possibility. Think it through.

Ok wow this post got too long and way out of hand. Nere is my current hyperfixation, and I hope that at least two of you share this hyperfixation with me and found this worth reading.

Thanks for coming to my Ted Talk.

[wavy-arms]

"You shouldn't ship them! They see each other as siblings!!"

I've seen people say this about Rengoku and Mitsuri again and again, very often as a way to shut down others who are having fun with the Renmitsu ship. Not only is it annoying to constantly run into this from people who don't really know what they're talking about, but it's also inaccurate and way oversimplifies their cute dynamic! Let's dig deeper.

For a moment, let's also just forget about the above panel where she is very obviously all 🥰 at him and, instead, let's go straight to the source: what the Pillars all think about each other in the official guidebook. Better yet, let's look at it in the original Japanese!

Now, I am still a student of Japanese. I am by no means fluent, so if I make any mistakes, please feel free to let me know! I'm always looking to learn something new.

First, from Rengoku:

才能が凄い！技の独創性も凄い！可愛い後輩！

Sainō ga sugoi! Waza no dokusō-sei mo sugoi! Kawaii kōhai!

In the first two sentences, he's praising her big time! "Her talent is amazing! The creativity/ingenuity of her technique is also amazing!" In the last sentence, he calls her a cute kōhai. If you're familiar with the term senpai, then kōhai is the alternative. It's just a term to refer to a junior coworker or classmate. Mitsuri joins the Demon Slayer Corps. after him, and he was her mentor before he became the Flame Hashira. (However, in the Rengoku gaiden, he tells her that they are no longer master & student, but instead equal peers. Overall, he clearly thinks she's very skilled and also cute.

Next, from Mitsuri:

かっこいいお兄様！一緒に修行して楽しかった。可愛がってもらった！

Kakkoii onii-sama! Issho ni shugyō shite tanoshikatta. Kawaigatte moratta!

The first sentence, translated literally, just says "Cool big brother!" Now, one thing that makes Japanese both fun and difficult is that speakers often rely on context and omit entire parts of the sentence that an English speaker would normally use. In this case, in English, you wouldn't just say "Cool big brother!" You might say something like "He's like a cool big brother to me" or "I view him as a cool big brother figure." In this case, we don't have that. What we do have, however, is cultural context! In Japanese culture, familial terms are often used as terms of endearment or respect with people close to the speaker or even politely with strangers. So it would be normal to call an older male "big brother" even if they weren't actually your brother. (Kind of similarly, if you're at all familiar with Korean culture, girls often call their own boyfriends 오빠 (obba), which means — you guessed it — "older brother.") Here, Mitsuri refers to Rengoku as onii-sama, and that last part is important! The -sama suffix is super polite and formal, and long story short, you wouldn't normally refer to someone in your own in-group (family, circle of friends, etc.) with such a formal, respectful title. It is, however, a term you might use to refer to someone else's brother. So there's a very good chance that she's not saying "he's my cool older brother" but instead "he's a cool older brother!" And he is! He's an amazing older brother to Senjurō, and Mitsuri knows this. [UPDATE: I've spoken with a couple people who know way more about the Japanese language than me and, apparently, in this context onii-sama literally just means "guy." 🤣 She's literally just saying "He's a cool guy!"]

[UPDATE #2: I've also recently learned that kakkoii doesn't really mean "cool," but is instead a compliment specifically to men that means something more like, "good-looking, handsome, or cool in a manly way." INTERESTING. 👀]

In the next sentence, she says, "It was fun training together!" Pretty straightforward. The last sentence is very, very interesting, because at a cursory translation, Google would tell you that it just straight-up means, "I was loved!" Sounds intense, but that's not really accurate. Let's break it down. Kawaigatte moratta! Kawaigatte, if I'm not mistaken, is an inflection of the transitive verb kawaigaru, which Jisho translates as "to be affectionate to; to treat tenderly; to dote on; to show one's love (for); to cherish." Other translations usually say something like, "He really doted on me." But essentially she’s saying, "He treated me with tenderness/affection" or, "He made me feel loved/cherished." 💖

So there you go! Not that a fan ship like Renmitsu even needs this kind of validation anyway, but it might be nice to have something you can keep in your back pocket for the next time someone is being annoying about it. There's enough here to show that they really have a lot of affection for each other. They're so adorable~!

(Side note: there are other examples of Mitsuri's attraction to him in the gaiden [pictured above] and in at least one of the light novels. I might write about that, too.)

[soapskies]

Hey! I'm after reading your platonic yandere Riddler with a teenager/kid that tried to escape and it got me thinking 🤔.

What would it be like if it was with arkham knight scarecrow?

(Same prompt as riddlers one just with scarecrow)

Please and thank you ｡⁠◕⁠‿⁠◕⁠｡

YANDERE AK SCARECROW CATCHES READER ESCAPING

MALE CHILD READER. PLATONIC HCS.

You couldn’t stop yourself from clenching your fists every time you thought about Scarecrow. Every waking moment you had to spend in his lab was starting to drive you crazy. All the screaming, fighting, fear and helplessness…last time you helped him restrain his victim , you came out of it with deep, ugly scratches on your arms, far worse than previous sessions.

You tried to hide them from Jonathan, god bless anyone who becomes the recipient of his anger, but it’s difficult to keep things from someone who’s worked with all sorts of people in his career, who knew every tell of yours down to the last uneasy twitch. And tears are hard to hide for a child who’s fought to keep their emotions down for so long.

Suffice to say, that test subject never left the session with his face intact. That dose of toxin was far greater than you’d ever seen administered; the poor man writhed and clawed like he was trying to dig it out of his very flesh, and nobody seemed to care that you were standing right there to witness it all…

You tossed and turned all night, wishing your memory could be scrubbed with a sponge. Why did you put up with this? Why would a “father” act so callous? Sure, he may feed you, clothe you, soothe you through your nightmares… but that all must be a front, for a man who enjoyed to watch people suffer.

All you needed was the perfect distraction. Something that would disrupt his routine enough that you would be the last of his concerns.

That’s right. The fear toxin! It would be a real shame if he got a taste of his own medicine.

Scarecrow didn’t mind you exploring all that much, it was only natural for a child, and besides, he was hoping you would start to gain genuine interest in his work eventually.

You knew exactly where he kept his pressurized containers of nightmare fuel. They were sitting in the lab with that macabre exam table, sharing a wall with your bedroom…

So you set up a trap, one that would trigger the room to fill up with toxin when Crane went in for his next experiment…

And while that was going on, you would hopefully be halfway across Gotham

Just as you were about to jump down from the window, you felt your body start to tremble, and suddenly the drop seemed much farther below…

You scrambled back onto your bed, only to be confronted by shadows that ran across your walls and the malicious tentacles of a monster reaching for you from under your bed.

You spent the whole night hiding under the covers, praying for it all to be over, until morning came.

Scarecrow seemed particularly smug the next morning, prodding you about how well you slept.

When you went to check what had gone wrong with your trap, you realized that the containers were purposefully set up so that the toxin would move through the vent connected to your room…

You never tried anything like that again.

Scarecrow wouldn’t be a violent yandere, especially to a child, but he loves to fuck with you.

You always feel like something’s wrong, but you can never prove that Scarecrow had something to do with it. You didn’t dare ask him about the fear toxin incident. You knew it would only confirm to him that you had tried to gas him…

For the most part Jonathan doesn’t punish you for it, only throws your attempts back at you like they were nothing, instilling the fear into you that if you ever tried anything, he is more than capable of hurting you ten times greater.

If you do try to escape again after this, he’ll start to grow worried. Why aren’t you being receptive to his ideas? Hasn’t he been a good father to you? Hasn’t he shown you the power fear holds?

Maybe you wouldn’t mind having your pillowcase laced with his toxins at night… those bedtime monsters sure do keep little boys like you in line, don’t they?

[according2thelore]

do you guys think the ls boys would take the younger ones on a (normal, non-apocalyptic) hunt? bc I could see that going one of two ways:

1. smothering overprotectiveness, literally checking that es!boys guns’ are loaded correctly before they head out. es!dean can barely get a glimpse of the werewolf bc sam is literally standing in front of him the whole time.

2. LS salmondean are so used to hunting with each other and being at the top of their game and having SUCH faith in their brother’s abilities that they very much are out of step with their younger selves, like: sam tosses the lighter behind him without looking, thinking es!dean will naturally catch it & light ‘em up, but dean is fully across the graveyard swinging an iron poker. this ends up with an easy hunt being kind of a disaster and someone gets hurt (maybe es!sam — if it’s s1 sam, he’s by far the least experienced & most out-of-practice of all of them).

(it seems you guys are getting tons of asks feel free to ignore this if it’s stressful!!!! i do not need a reply i just love your thoughts)

HOLY SHIT!!!!

I CAN SEE EVERY EQUATION!!! YOUR BRAIN!!!! IS A MASSIVE BRAIN!!!!!!!!

i had to write them both because WHAT

if they go hunting, it's small, and it's unavoidable.

LS!Dean picks up a newspaper out of habit when he does the shopping that week, and on the front page in ink-smeared gory detail, lewis dalton, age 57 found dead in home, ripped to shreds. no sign of forced entry. lived alone.

ES!Sam finds the newspaper.

"hey. this is our thing, right? it's up in hastings. that's pretty close."

LS!Dean keeps trying to demur like well, no, someone else will take care of it. he can call some friends, and they'll check it out.

"are they closer?"

"well, no, but--"

"what's the harm? let me go tell the others."

and they come to a (hesitant) agreement that, yeah, they're probably best suited to it. because things that rip people to shreds don't usually stop at just one hamburger helper.

it's the quickest hunt ever because LS!Sam&Dean don't let ES!Sam&Dean even see the monster

it turns out to be the vengeful ghost of the vic's uncle.

before they even get there, LS!Sam&Dean do a full weapons check. they take practice swings with all of their iron implements, and mutter to each other about which ones have the "best balance" and the "most force." they solemnly present ES!SalmonDean with their weapons, an iron pipe and iron poker, respectively.

LS!SalmonDean keep trading worried looks the whole way to the cemetery, and ES!SalmonDean feel weirdly like they have two overprotective dads driving them to a hockey match with a notoriously intimidating team of middle schoolers.

they do a checklist when they get out of the car, and ES!Sam's eyes widen when he sees LS!Dean pull four gas cans out of the trunk.

"are we lighting the whole cemetery on fire?" he asks

"it's a back-up." LS!Dean says soberly.

"all three?"

"yes. wait until you see how many match books i brought."

he makes ES!Sam put five in each pocket.

they track it down to a cemetery outside of town, and ES!Sam&Dean don't protest too heavily when LS!Sam&Dean say they've got the grave-digging covered. it's a little condescending, but a) no physical labor is a plus and b) holy goddamn mother of good god. the sweating. the panting. the flushed cheeks. the bulging muscles. it's like a chippendales show.

when the ghost pops up, LS!Sam vaults out of the grave one-armed like an olympian and knocks it away with an iron poker before backing up towards ES!Dean, head on a swivel.

ES!Dean's picked up his iron, but LS!Sam is standing so close that he ends up having to hold it mostly out to his side. LS!Sam is circling him quickly, making sure that nothing has the chance to sneak up on him.

"two o'clock!" LS!Dean shouts from the grave, even though he's dozens of feet away, like the older winchesters had worked this out beforehand, and ES!Dean looks up, but LS!Sam's bulk is in the way. ES!Dean tries to swerve around him, but LS!Sam is already reacting, shielding dean with a single minded focus as he takes a swipe at the ghost presumably there.

LS!Sam even has a hand out behind him, making sure ES!Dean isn't going to do something stupid like help on the hunt that they came here to do.

ES!Dean feels like the president. he's pretty sure if he sneezed really hard, LS!Sam would whip out his gun and start shooting individual dust motes out of the air.

ES!Sam wants to help, as he can see LS!Sam is wedged between ES!Dean and the ghost that's coming after them doggedly. but LS!Dean whistles to catch his attention, and nods back down at the grave.

ES!Sam jumps down into the grave to help, and has been digging for a few minutes when he hears a screech--abruptly close. he startles, looking up, and LS!Dean is panting and throwing his iron weapon aside before jumping back into the grave. when the fuck did he crawl out?

"did the--why didn't you say--"

"no big deal," LS!Dean pants, wiping blood from his temple. "it was barely there for a second."

they crawl out of the grave when they're ready to salt and burn, and when ES!Sam starts to run away--about to take a swing at the ghost coming after them--LS!Dean drops the book of matches with a curse and overtakes him, swinging his iron girder shard with a strength that--if there were a baseball and not a ghost there--would have broken world records.

LS!Dean at one point literally picks up ES!Sam by the waist and puts him out of harm's way, to which ES!Sam shouts, startled, and flails.

ES!Sam manages to run back to the grave and light the matches and drop them into the grave. the bones light.

the bones finally burn completely, and the four of them stand above the grave, watching them crumple into ash.

LS!Sam&Dean are panting, covered in sweat, dirt, grass, and blood. ES!Sam has mud on his boots. ES!Dean is blinking, confused, because he's not sure what the fuck just happened.

"that was fun!" LS!Dean says, wiping sweat from his forehead. "i have never been more stressed in my life. can we go home now?"

total time seeing the ghost: Sam, 32.51 seconds; Dean, the 44.09 seconds it took for LS!Sam to run back to him with the force and single-minded killer instinct of the terminator, a sight so simultaneously arousing and frightening that dean's dick gave up in confusion

this is the worst hunt anyone has ever been on, they collapse in a heap of tangled limbs at the entrance of the house, it's a miracle they don't accidentally kill each other

as soon as they get they get a lead on the werewolf, it's followed the vic's brother--don--to the vic's house, where he's boxing up lewis's belongings.

don is already a werewolf glove when they get there--the werewolf's got one hand inside of his stomach, and his leg is torn apart below the right knee.

LS!Dean whips off his belt to use as a tourniquet, and tosses it to LS!Sam who catches it without even blinking, moving as one unit.

ES!SalmonDean run head-first at the thing, and ES!Dean gets tossed bodily through the dining table. ES!Sam sneaks up behind it and gets his gun with silver bullets knocked out his hands as the beast whirls around and tries to tackle him.

LS!Dean can't take a shot because if the bullet goes through, it will hit ES!Sam, so he jumps on its back like a madman and uses his body weight to throw them both back. it lashes out at LS!Dean, who now has no belt, and rips his pants right off. its claws tear straight through the waistband of his jeans, and leave a nasty rake on his left thigh.

LS!Dean, pantless, reassesses his strategy. ES!Dean is just now getting up, and is shocked to see his own bare legs. it takes him a full fifteen seconds to realize that those are in fact, not his own legs.

ES!Sam, taking his moment, runs back to the supply bag that's next to LS!Sam, who has effortlessly applied a tourniquet to Don's leg, and is applying pressure to his abdomen.

LS!Sam is rooting with his other hand in the bag, getting ready to help LS!Dean in the fight, but ES!Sam bats his hands away.

"oh my god. i'm dead. there are triplets with guns!" don mutters, delirious. and okay. there are only two of them. but alright. allowances can be made for hypovolemia.

"i've got it! back off!" ES!Sam shouts, knocking LS!Sam's hands away more firmly.

"dean has no pants!" LS!Sam roars, and both deans go,

"not my fault!" and "stop looking at him!" simultaneously.

a sound like a dog yelping from behind them, and they turn around to see ES!Dean and the werewolf take each other to the floor.

"did you fucking punch it?" LS!Dean screams, chasing after the tangled, tumbling ball of fur and leather that's rolling wildly across the floor.

"i panicked! i goddamn panicked!" ES!Dean screeches, shoving the leg of the destroyed table into the werewolf's mouth that it bites almost clean in half.

ES!Sam finally finds another gun buried under the chains and lock picks and assorted knives.

"i've got the silver!" ES!Sam shouts, trying to jump over LS!Sam, who sits up at that exact moment to receive a full-strength kick straight to the brain.

LS!Sam is unconscious. the vic is still bleeding out. LS!Dean is trying to bodily force the werewolf off of his younger self, who is hitting the werewolf on the head with the two halves of his now-broken table leg and shouting obscenities like the world's worst drummer.

ES!Sam yells, "dean! catch!" because someone has to hold pressure on this wound now that LS!Sam is unconscious, and slides the gun as hard as he can in LS!Dean's direction.

bad thing: there are two deans.

they both instinctively turn around to catch whatever has just been thrown, and the werewolf that had been resisting LS!Dean's arms now slams into ES!Dean underneath him at full force, who was now splayed, arms open on the hardwood.

ES!Dean now has at least two broken ribs. and slobber in his hair. he kicks out at the original crack of his fucking bones and the gun goes skittering in the other direction, so LS!Dean chases after it. as soon as he has it, he whips around and shoots all nine bullets into the werewolf's back across the room.

ES!Dean is now covered in blood, has broken ribs, and thinks--for a second--that holy shit! he just got shot!

LS!Dean has no pants.

he is also bleeding profusely from his asscheek.

ES!Sam is three inches deep in don dalton's abdomen.

LS!Sam is groggily waking up, also covered almost to the elbows in blood, and with a knot the size of a baseball on his head.

"you just committed suicide, fucker!" ES!Dean wails, before he realizes. oh. okay. he's fine.

they all shakily stand up (except for ES!Sam, who drops LS!Sam's cell phone into Don's abdomen, then wipes the blood off on his jeans while dialing 9-1-1 (thank god for face id on these newfangled cell-phones. sam's phone is a little confused, but yeah? that's the same facial structure it guesses.)).

"let's do this again" ES!Dean says, before throwing up all over his boots.

~~~

which one it ends up being i think depends entirely on what the monster is, and how far along they are in this little misadventure. i think as time goes on, they'd be able to be more reasonable about their younger selves. at first, it's hard, because it's such a shock. ES!Sam is not a baby, but to LS!Dean, that is literally his baby. it would take him a couple of weeks? months? to recognize the fact that these are adult men that have experience in the life.

personally, i favour the former because it makes me giggle and twirl my hair but practically, the latter is more likely.

and do not apologize! i love getting these asks and hearing from y'all! i worry i'm bothering my mutuals with them--i'm sorry mutuals! i love you! so much! i am kissing you!

charlotte's been busy w work, but honestly she's dodging a lizzy-sized bullet bc i am thinking abt these boys all day.

thanks again for this ask, anon! your brain! i loved your little descriptions of each scenario! brilliance!

ps, i went more humorous with the second, but oh lord. you've got me thinking about The Angst. oh gosh. i might have to...i might have to make a full narrative ficlet about it. would that be something you would be interested in?

regardless, mwah! <3

-lizzy

[starsstuddedsky]

Chapter 6 - The Unstoppable Force

reader x jihoon

Chapter 5 | masterlist | Chapter 7

summary: when you're caught in a simple lie, the best solution? dig in and stick to your guns until everything inevitably goes wrong and everyone gets hurt

or, a serial dater and a pessimist fake a relationship in the vain hope that nothing will go wrong

genre: fluff, angst, non-idol au, lawyer au, coworkers to lovers??? friends to lovers???? fake dating!!!!!

warnings: mentions of food, suggestive jokes, lmk if i missed any!

wc: 4.8k

a/n: MY FAVORITE CHAPTER!!!! technically i don't have a favorite but i wrote half of this in the spur of the moment way before it happened plot wise.. also... sorry but no double chapter </3

taglist: open! send an ask or comment!

Jihoon’s knee pops as soon as he stands up. It’s been doing that lately, especially when he’s been sitting for a while, like the three hour flight and hour and a half drive to the conference today. Maybe he should get it checked out. 

He grabs his suitcase from the back of the car, thanking the driver and heading into the hotel. He has no idea why the conference is in the middle of nowhere. He doesn’t know how the organizers missed the irony of how much gas was used to get here, but apparently the ambience of the woods and ‘refreshing nature’ are vital. 

Logic says the first thing to do when he walks in is to check in and find his room, but unfortunately you betray logic. The second he sets foot in the lobby, you appear at his side, wrapping your arms around him in a hug. 

“Wonwoo is here,” you whisper, though he’s already wrapping his arms around you. It’s only been a day (36 hours, but who’s counting?) since he’s seen you, but being with you now feels sort of like when he lost his favorite set of headphones. He could live without them, but when he found them he felt complete again. 

“How was the first day?” He asks, squeezing you one more time before letting go. Like always, your hand finds his. 

You shrug. “Same as always. McCormick gave the opening speech this year, though, so it was at least entertaining.” You laugh at the face he makes (another thing he missed about you). 

“Please don’t tell me people actually applauded that man,” he says. “I don’t understand why he still comes. They’ve had, like, three oil spills this year alone that he argued were ‘natural’ accidents.” 

“Plus he had the cheating thing,” you say. 

“Cheating?” 

“Please tell me we are gossiping,” Wonwoo says, appearing with a paper cup that probably is filled with watery coffee. 

“Why are you here?” Jihoon asks. 

“You didn’t miss me?” Wonwoo holds a hand over his heart, pretending to be shocked. “I’m hurt. In pain. I haven’t seen you for two weeks, that’s fourteen days! Can’t you at least say ‘how are you?’” 

“How are you?” Jihoon asks, fighting the urge to roll his eyes. “Why are you here?” 

“I’m passionate about environmental justice!” He says. “I care about—” He frowns at the pamphlet. “Arguments for the continued protection of the endangered solenodon?” 

“Dude, that was a panel yesterday. You sat next to me,” you say. 

“The guy had a really monotone voice, I was working on a case in my head.” 

“That was the translator! The presenter was speaking in Spanish!” 

Wonwoo shrugs. 

It’s strange how well you fit into his world. Jihoon rolls his eyes and laughs at the right moments, watching you and Wonwoo and wondering for the first time what it will be like when this mess is over. Will you stick around, joking with Wonwoo and reminding Jihoon that he does like to be around his friends? Or will you slip away again, back to the outskirts of his life, always there but never by his side. 

You squeeze his hand. “You okay?” You ask softly. 

“Fine,” Jihoon says, shaking off the strange sadness that came over him. “Just a little tired. I need to check in and probably eat something before the seminar on the history of legal discourse surrounding Darwin’s work or whatever.” 

“Why do we come to these?” You ask with a sigh. 

“We care about the future,” Jihoon says, “for some reason.” 

“I’ll order the food!” Wonwoo says, either blissfully unaware of the depressing turn of the conversation or purposefully ignoring it. 

.

.

Jihoon frowns at how violently bright the container is. The lies from that night were never supposed to catch up with him. It’s been so long that he almost forgot he told all of his friends you like spicy food. 

From the way you’re eyeing the takeout container, he’s more than a little scared he was very wrong. Wonwoo puts the rest of the takeout on the table, sliding it to the middle, the dangerously bright container right in front of you. 

“Jihoon, I got your favorite!” Wonwoo says. He opens the box of white rice, setting it in front of him. 

“Isn’t that joke getting old?” Jihoon says, rolling his eyes. He pretends not to hear your attempts at hiding a giggle with a cough. 

“Nope!” Wonwoo says. “Did he tell you about the time went to this super expensive buffet and everyone was talking about how good the food was and the only thing he mentioned was how good the rice was?” 

“No!” You say. 

“I did not say that!” Jihoon says. “I was just talking about how well cooked it was and good portions. I said the pork was really good too.” 

“Not to me,” Wonwoo says, opening the first container, revealing pieces of chicken that thankfully do not look like they came from hell. “Anyways, I thought we should celebrate the fact that we are finally having lunch together, despite the two of you dating for two months now and pretending like you don’t know each other at work even though literally everyone knows” 

“He’s petty,” you fake-whisper. 

“Much like all of my friends, he thinks he’s entitled to my entire life,” Jihoon fake-whispers back. 

“It’s called caring about you, actually,” Wonwoo says. “Which reminds me, when are you going to stop being petty and apologize to Seungcheol?” 

“I’m the petty one?” Jihoon scoffs. 

“Okay, fine, when are you going to be the bigger person and apologize?” 

Jihoon takes a deep breath, staring at the takeout containers. “Look, I get it, you care about us and don’t want us to fight. But you weren’t there. Please, just drop it.” 

Wonwoo is quiet for a long moment, studying Jihoon. He doesn’t know how much Seungcheol told the rest of their friends (Jihoon said nothing), but it’s clear they all know something went down. 

It’s been two weeks of this standoff that Jihoon doesn’t feel particularly interested in ending, though everyone is still walking on eggshells in the group chats. Seungkwan has called him three times “just to check in.” But Wonwoo is the first of any of them to ask him about it outright. 

Well, if he expects Jihoon to apologize first, he’s sorely mistaken. He’s done nothing wrong. At least, not that they know of. 

“What is that?” Jihoon asks after it seems like Wonwoo has finally accepted it. He points to the damning container. 

Wonwoo grins. “I’m glad you asked! I know yn loves spicy food, so when I ordered, I made sure to get the hottest option on the menu. The owner even checked to see if we could handle it, but I told him it’s nothing to you.” 

You laugh nervously, glancing at Jihoon. “Well, I had a big breakfast, so I don’t think I’ll be eating too much.” 

“You had the crappy conference breakfast and spent the entire time complaining about how none of the food was good,” Wonwoo says, dumping rice into a bowl that Jihoon is pretty sure he recognizes from Wonwoo’s apartment. “Which is why I made sure to get something you love.” He winks at Jihoon. 

You’re panicking now, and Jihoon is sure that this is all a mistake. Wonwoo opens the chicken container and the pieces look like actual lava, unnaturally bright red. Why didn’t he just say you don’t like spicy food? It’s so much safer, and he wouldn’t be responsible for sending you to the hospital, which he thinks is a very likely consequence of eating this chicken. 

“I’ll try a piece,” he says, reaching out for the container. Maybe if he eats enough you won’t die. At the very least, he might have a hospital bed adjacent to yours. 

“Dude, manners!” Wonwoo says, smacking your hand. “That’s not for you.” 

Jihoon doesn’t know how Wonwoo doesn’t see the fear in your eyes as you pick up the container. Your face turns red before you even taste the meat. He can’t do this. He can’t watch you suffer because of his own lie. 

Jihoon stands, sliding his hand across the table and ‘accidentally’ knocking the container right out of your hands and onto the floor of Wonwoo’s hotel room. 

“Hey!” You shout, at the same time as Wonwoo. 

“Sorry!” He says quickly. “I was going to get some napkins!” 

“That was all the spicy chicken,” you say, casting a forlorn look at the bright pieces of meat cast on the floor. Thankfully, most of it spilled out and the container landed upside down. Jihoon is pretty sure you tossed it more than he hit it, but regardless the damage is done. 

He meets your eyes. You are desperately trying to look betrayed, but you can’t hide the gratitude in your gaze, the corners of your lips fighting to stay turned down into a frown. He has to stop himself from smiling back. 

“Napkins,” Wonwoo says, smacking him in the chest with the pieces of paper wrapped in plastic, breaking the spell between the two of you. “You do realize they were in front of you, right?” 

“Oh,” Jihoon says. He moves more carefully, taking the napkins and kneeling on the floor. “Didn’t see them.” 

It’s obvious what he did. Jihoon knows there’s no way that Wonwoo didn’t notice him doing it on purpose, and he doubts he missed the panic in your eyes, despite how good you are at hiding it. All he can do is clean up the chicken and pray that Wonwoo finds a reason why that isn’t ‘oh my god, they’re faking it.’ 

“That’s going to stain,” you say. He doesn’t have to look to know you’re sporting a smile. He hears a chair slide, and then you’re kneeling beside him. 

“I'll get as much out as I can and I’ll pay Wonwoo back,” he says. His eyes are burning just from cleaning the stuff up; he wonders if it was actually edible. 

You lean closer to him, shoulders pressing together, mouth hovering just over his ear. Your breath sends shivers down his spine. You speak so quietly he thinks he might have imagined it, and then you’re gone, standing up and sitting back at the table. 

“Thank you.” 

.

.

Jihoon takes a deep breath before knocking on your door. He’d waste more time, but the ice cream will melt if he stalls too long, so he just sucks it up and knocks. Waiting for you to answer is worse. What if you aren’t in? What if you’re running around with one of millions of people you seem to know at these events? What if you see it’s him and decide not to answer? You have every right to be mad at him. 

Just when he’s about to turn away, you open the door, hair damp, dressed in a holiday themed pajama set that is covered in snowflakes even though it’s October. Your skin is still a little red, as if you only just got out of the shower. 

Jihoon holds up the bag. “An attempt at an apology,” he says. You take it from him, fingers brushing against his. 

“Anything chocolate flavored is immediate forgiveness,” you say, stepping aside to let him in. “But I don’t think there’s anything to forgive.” 

Jihoon lets the door swing shut behind him. Your hotel room, putting things kindly, is a mess. There’s papers strewn about, clothes tossed around your suitcase, and the bed isn’t made. Minus the papers everywhere, it looks a lot like Jihoon’s room. 

“I genuinely think that stuff would have killed you,” he says. “Besides, I’ve already bought it, you might as well eat it.” 

“We can eat it,” you say, setting the bag on a small corner of the desk that isn’t covered in papers. “If I can find spoons.” 

Jihoon thought he hid his sigh, but you pause from rifling through the limited kitchen supplies on the countertop to glance at him. “Don’t tell me you don’t like ice cream.” 

“It’s not that,” Jihoon says. “It’s just not my cheat day.” 

“Oh my god, you’re not joking,” you say. “You seriously won’t eat it?” 

Jihoon shrugs. 

“Actually it makes sense, no one looks like you and eats chocolate every day,” you say. 

“What are you talking about?” 

You gesture to him, waving your finger up and down. “You know. All those muscles. They don’t come out of nowhere.” You don’t seem to notice his ears turning red, grabbing a stirring stick to use as a spoon. 

“You’re going to make me eat all alone,” you say. “I think that’s even more sad than drinking alone.” 

“I think you’re being dramatic,” Jihoon says. 

“C’mon.” You scoop a tiny piece, holding it up to him. “You really won’t even try a little bit?” 

He studies the brown mush on the stick. Just a small bit won’t mess up his strict regimen, and more importantly, he doesn’t think he can resist the way you’re looking up at him, eyes wide and lower lip jutting out just a tiny bit. He can’t even allow himself to regret it because when he steps forward and opens his mouth, you grin. 

“It’s good, right?” You ask, even as the stick is still in his mouth. He nods anyway. It is good; thick and creamy, sweet but not too sweet. Solid chocolate ice cream.��

“Well, I can now eat guilt free, so thank you,” you say. “It’s not eating alone when you’ve had some too.” 

“It was less than a teaspoon.” 

“Details,” you say, waving the stick. You pat the bed next to you. “As long as you’re here sitting with me, it’s not eating alone.” 

He should go back to his own room, catch up on the work he fell behind on, watch a couple episodes of Demon Slayer, or call Seungkwan back. He sits beside you. 

“Well, I have no idea how to bring this up, so I’m just going to say it,” you say. You take another heaping scoop, your words clearly mushed by your numb tongue. “I think we should probably break up.” 

Jihoon is glad he’s sitting; even with a mattress behind him, he nearly falls on his ass. “What?” 

“Well,” you say, “my friends probably won't keep believing that my boyfriend is too busy to show up at every event, and the whole thing with Seungcheol… I don’t want to cause problems between your friends, fake or not. The whole point of this was to get them off your back, and now you’re not talking to half of them.” 

“That’s not your fault!” Jihoon says. “This stupid fight was a long time coming, you were just… the catalyst.” 

“I still don’t like it,” you say, pouting with your lips. 

“Seungcheol has this whole thing where he thinks because he had a rough childhood he has to look out for everyone, which usually means that he thinks he knows best. Always.” Jihoon turns to you, waiting until you raise your eyes to meet him. “It’s not your fault,” he repeats. “I promise.” 

“It still doesn’t mean we shouldn’t fake break up,” you mumble. 

“All that will do is prove to Seungcheol that he was right,” Jihoon says with a sigh. He leans against the bed, resting his arms behind him. “But if you don’t want to keep this up, I can’t exactly date someone on my own. Fake or otherwise, that’s just basic manners.” Jihoon is a little proud of himself when you smile. “And it’s in the contract: if your friends need convincing, I’ll be there.” 

“Really?” 

“Yeah,” Jihoon says. “You’ve done more than your part.” 

You set the ice cream down on the bedside table. “Well, there’s a Halloween party next week that my friends will be very drunk at, so if you slip up they probably won’t notice.” 

“I’ll be there.” Jihoon is amazed at how surprised you look. Has he been that terrible of a (fake) boyfriend to make you think he won’t go with you to something as simple as a party? Then again, the last party he went to with you didn’t end well. 

The silence is starting to make Jihoon feel uncomfortable, so he browses through the papers on your floor. Most of them are files from the conference, debating possible legal courses against various companies and a couple petitions. 

“Hey, did you get that email from Johnny on updating the security access for our personal laptops?” You ask. 

“No?” 

“He sent it a couple hours ago, something about two factor authentication not being enough, it looked like bullshit but there’s forms that we need to fill out,” you say. 

“Great,” Jihoon says. 

You glance at the clock. “Yeah, especially since they were supposed to be turned in five minutes ago.” 

“What?” Jihoon jumps up. 

“It’s dumb,” you say. “There’s no way you’re the only one that didn’t get it in.” 

He checks his phone and, sure enough, there’s an email on his work account detailing the security measures. “Wait, this is so dumb, I can’t access my laptop without the clearance. How am I supposed to fill out the forms?” 

“No way,” you say. He hands you the phone and you laugh. “This is ridiculous.” 

“I guess I’m not working tonight,” Jihoon says, laying fully on the bed. “Damn, I was supposed to finish a draft and send it to Kun.” He wonders if he can finish it on his phone, but the last time he tried that the formatting got messed up. Kun will never let him hear the end of it if he sends it in late, though it’s Jihoon’s own fault for being a stickler for deadlines. He figures he’ll have about two months worth of teasing, depending on how strict he’s been lately. Oh he’s screwed. 

“Is the file on your computer or on the shared drive?” 

“There’s a fairly recent draft on the drive,” Jihoon says. “But I can’t even log into my laptop.” 

“Just use mine,” you say. “You can sign into your account and do it from there. It would work, right?” 

“I think so,” Jihoon says. “But is that really okay?” 

“Yeah, it’s not like I was doing anything important. You can see if you can fill out the forms and get access to your own laptop, maybe.” 

“You don’t need to use it?” 

“God no, I was watching Law and Order and sorting these papers,” you say. 

“Seriously? A prosecutor show?” Jihoon sighs. “At least say it was SVU.” 

“Obviously, I have taste,” you say. “Some taste,” you amend when Jihoon raises his eyebrows. 

“Seriously, just use the laptop, I’m going to be going through this mess anyways,” you say. You stand up, sticking the ice cream in the mini fridge where it will undoubtedly melt, and carefully crossing through the papers to your laptop. Jihoon follows, leaning on one arm at your side while you sign out. 

“All yours,” you say, stepping back so that he can sit in the chair. 

“Thank you,” Jihoon says. 

You grin. “Only the best for my boyfriend.” 

He rolls his eyes, settling into the chair. Thankfully the draft he uploaded isn’t that old and he remembers the changes he made. His notes are on his own laptop, but he remembers enough to finish the draft. It doesn’t take him nearly as long as he thought, and after half an hour, the draft is sent. 

He turns to tell you the good news, but you’re engrossed in a paper, laying flat on your stomach in the middle of the papers, eyes moving quickly. He realizes you blink a little more rapidly when you're this focused, and sometimes mouth along to the words on the paper. It’s kind of adorable how intense you are. He decides can’t disturb it, so he turns back to your laptop, pulling up the forms and starting the arduous process of filling them out. Whoever made these due at 10 pm on a Saturday just topped his list of enemies. He’s planning his revenge in his head as he types in his employee ID number for the fifth time on the third form. 

Halfway through completing them, he gets a new email with the subject line: Urgent!!!!! He curses when he opens it. 

“What’s wrong?” You ask. 

Jihoon feels a pang of guilt at realizing he distracted you. “I’m not sure but there’s some emergency that apparently only I can fix.” 

“Really?”

“No, but I think they’re too used to me being available all the time and assume that I’ll just do it.” He sighs. Usually he’s already working, but for some reason he’d rather be doing something else, though he isn’t sure what. 

“How bad would it be if you didn’t do it?” 

“It’ll probably get fixed,” Jihoon says. “But who knows what mistakes will be made, and they’ll scramble if I say I can’t do it.” 

“Can you?” 

He turns to face you, still in the middle of your papers but watching him intently. “If you can survive without another episode of cop propaganda.” 

“Oh my god, it’s a good show,” you say. “And I was serious when I said you can use it for everything you need. Unless you don’t want to do it, then by all means, turn on SVU.” 

“As tempting as that sounds, I might as well just do it,” he turns back around, sighing as he reads the email more carefully and types a quick response. 

“Let me know if you need anything else,” you say. “I’ll be right here.” 

.

.

Jihoon finally stops when his eyes begin to blur. A quick glance at the clock in the top corner of his laptop says that it’s 3am. Damn, he was sure it was earlier than that. Jihoon stretches, chair rolling back on the carpet. His right knee pops when he stands, but feels looser after he shakes it out. 

He’s long since blocked out any sounds as white noise, but he wonders now if that’s actually because you haven’t been making noise, because when he turns around, he finds you with your face pressed into your elbow, breathing softly. Jihoon can’t help but smile. 

Your position, curled in the middle of a mess of papers, doesn’t look very comfortable. He has no idea how long you’ve been asleep, but you look cold, your knees pulled into your chest, arm pressed tightly into your side. Maybe this is how you normally sleep; it’s not as if Jihoon would know. 

Either way, he decides the floor can’t be comfortable. He starts with clearing his throat. When you don’t react, he says your name, quietly at first, then as loud as he dares this late at night. Still nothing. He’s going to have to get creative. 

Jihoon snaps your laptop closed. Claps a little too loud, cringing at the echo in the small room. Kneels at your side and pokes your shoulder, and then your cheek. He even rolls you onto your back, but all this does is make you snore. 

Jihoon stays by your side and listens to your snoring. It’s not a very flattering sound, though it isn’t nearly as loud as others he’s had the misfortune of hearing (read: Mingyu and Seungcheol). Jihoon likes seeing this part of you, the real you, that sometimes you don’t let show because you’re so aware of other people. He wonders if he deserves to see this side of you, if he ever will. Probably not. 

He slides one arm underneath your knees and the other beneath your neck, cradling your head against his chest. It’s a little awkward to do so when you're fast asleep, but he manages to get you into his arms, and then plants his feet beneath him, pushing his heels into the carpet to lift you off the ground. Apparently the ridiculous* (*your words) amounts of time he spends at the gym does give him some real world benefits. That lift feels like a perfect squat to him. 

He carries you to the bed, which thankfully is only a few feet away (any longer and he knows carrying a load unbalanced like this will give him back issues). It’s rather difficult to pull the covers off before placing you down, and Jihoon has to rest your legs on his knee and cradle you against his chest before gently placing you on the mattress. 

He’s half expecting you to be looking at him with raised eyebrows and a smirk when he sets you down, but you’re still sound asleep (Fact #14: you could sleep through any natural disaster). He pulls the blankets over you and you immediately turn onto your side, twisting the blanket around you. He waits for you to open your eyes, but your breathing remains slow and even. It’s almost impressive. 

He stands beside you for one more second (making sure you really are asleep) before forcing himself to turn away. He needs to go back to his room and get some sleep before the morning’s flight, but when he tries to cross the room to get his laptop, he sees your files still spread haphazardly across the floor. He could leave it to you to organize, but you’re already sleeping so soundly, he might as well clean up. 

He’s surprised to find that the documents aren’t nearly as messy as he thought. As he collects them, he quickly figures out a pattern to how you laid them out, and organizes them accordingly (hopefully). He tries not to think about how similar it is to his own system. It must be because you had Professor Lee, he decides. 

He does a last sweep of the room, hoping everything is in its rightful place. He’s half tempted to set an alarm on your phone but you’re more likely to be up in time for the flight than he is, so he just fills a cup of water and leaves it on your bedside table in case you wake up thirsty. He turns the lights off one by one as he leaves, opening the door as gently as possible. 

Jihoon closes the door slowly, pushing on the handle to keep it from swinging shut. He slowly lets the lock click into place, before finally letting go and taking a deep breath. 

“Saying goodnight?” 

He whips around to find Wonwoo leaning against the doorframe to his own room, which is, of course, directly across from yours. 

“Or is it good morning?” Wonwoo continues. “I mean, it is 3 in the morning.” 

“Shut up,” Jihoon mutters. “What are you doing awake anyways?” 

“Hungry,” he says. “I was about to hit the hotel snack bar, if you want to join.” 

“Not really.” 

“Are you sure you didn’t work up an appetite?” Wonwoo can’t hide his smile. “Or are you that tired?” 

Jihoon has been told repeatedly that his glare scared small children, but unfortunately Wonwoo is not a small child. He’s a tall child with the sense of humor of a twelve year old. 

“Are you sure yn doesn’t want anything?” Wonwoo crosses, letting his own door shut. He raises his hand as if to knock, but Jihoon catches his wrist. 

“They’re sleeping.” 

Wonwoo raises an eyebrow. “I guess all that gym time really paid off. You must have incredible stamina.” 

Jihoon opens his mouth to tell Wonwoo how incredibly wrong he is, starting with the fact that his gym time is more focused on strength than anything else, but he realizes this is (more or less) exactly what he wants. Undeniable proof that he and you are together in every sense of the word. 

Except something doesn’t quite feel right about it. A lot of the details of your fake relationship have been vague, mostly dealt with on the few occasions that you actually had to accompany him with his friends (which thankfully have only been the two parties). But neither of you have discussed your sex lives, particularly in relation to each other (because it is nonexistent). He knows it’s basic human decency, but he won’t let Wonwoo believe anything happened when it didn’t, at least not without trying to convince him otherwise. 

“It may amaze you, but sometimes adults do other things,” Jihoon says. 

“Other than what?” Wonwoo pretends to be a little too innocent. “I never said a thing.” 

“Sure,” Jihoon says, beginning to feel how late it is. “Enjoy your snacks, or whatever, I’m going to bed.” He walks down the hall toward his own room, ignoring Wonwoo’s final taunt. 

“Get some good rest, you deserve it!”

[phantoms-lair]

Stray part 2

"So dare I ask what a cadre of thieves are going to do against an international criminal syndicate with incredible power and an utter lack of regard for human life?" 

"Oh, you're young." Takagi said, then seemed to pause. "Theoretically, at least." 

Oh right, he'd almost forgotten about that wrinkle. "Unless that bet about me being Kudo Shinichi is right?" he hedged. 

"No, you'd still be young if that was the winning bet." 

Huh. He hadn't thought there were other bets, or that they'd say he was ever older. "Such as what?" 

"Shinigami." Takagi answered. 

"Seriously?" Conan asked in disbelief.

"You tell me Mr. I'll-Tell-You-Who-I-Really-Am-In-The-Afterlife who's got a perfect attendance record to every murder in Tokyo and several outside of it." Takagi challenged. 

It...was incredibly wishful thinking Takagi hadn't remembered that little exchange, wasn't it? 

"Inari was particularly proud of his theory that you were a personification of the concept of Justice who'd manifested to punish humanity for the sins they commit upon each other, except you met the kids and their purity won your heart, so you've taken them as you disciples and only punish the guilty instead of humanity as a whole." 

"I'm sorry, what???" 

Takagi shrugged awkwardly. "Fox is...I mean we're all dramatic, but Fox he...he sees the world a little differently than the rest of us."

"So that brings me back to what a person who's that far out there, or any thieves could do against them." 

Takagi was quiet a moment. "Ask Agasa-Hakase." 

Conan narrowed his eyes. "I'm asking you now." 

"And anything I'll say would be extremely biased. You won't find much in official records, A lot of people in power wanted those records forgotten. And most of the adults you talk to are around my age, so they'd have been kids at the time. I was only ten myself when Joker and the others saved me." 

"Saved you?" Conan fished. 

Takagi smiled at him, a little sadly. "The Police Chief of a small town was trying to manipulate things to be mayor. I ended up being kidnapped so the 'Missing Kid' thing could be leveraged against the current Mayor. 'If Abe Kazuhiko were Mayor, that child would never have gone missing'." 

"That's stupid." Conan snorted. "You'd tell as soon as you were found." 

"If I was found." Takagi said with twenty years of bitterness. "That wasn't in the plan." 

"Oh." That...that was vile. Murdering a kid for political clout. 

“But while all the police were rallying against the current Mayor, Joker and his crew - who were only in town to stop for gas - heard and went digging. They found me. They saved me. When no one else could even be bothered.”

There was a lot he was leaving out. The mind-controlling phone app. The two weeks he spent feral in the metaverse, dodging cognitions turned militia and eating memories of food and pieces of dreams. But there was no way he could have that conversation without sounding insane.

"I'm surprised you became a police officer after that." Conan commented.

Takagi was silent for a minute. "It wasn't my first choice, that's for sure. And I won't get into all the whys but a big one is...people go to the police for help. And I wanted to make sure a good cop wasn't harder to find than a unicorn."

Of course he knew where to find unicorns. But he wasn't bringing that up either.

~

"Hakase, have you heard of a group calling themselves Phantom Thieves of Heart?" 

Agasa let out a deep sigh. "That brings me back. What was it? Twenty, thirty years ago?" 

That matched what Takagi-Keiji had told him, as did the fact that he could find nothing official on them. 

"Who were they?" 

"I don't think anyone found out. The police claimed to have their leader at one point, but that turned out to be a lie." Agasa shrugged. "I think there was talk of a lower profile prior incident, but like most of the country I became aware of them during the Madarame scandal." 

"The what now?"

"Madarame, an artist considered a national treasure for his myriad of styles, most famous for the painting, Sayori. One day a gallery showing of his became covered in strange cards. The cards were written by a group calling themselves The Phantom Thieves of Heart. They claimed Madarame was a thief who stole the artwork he claimed as his own from his apprentices, who he'd been abusing. And that he would confess his sins with his own mouth." 

Conan frowned. 

"Madarame called it nonsense. The next day he put together a press conference and confessed to everything he's been accused of and more, including purposely letting the mother of his youngest apprentice die so he could steal her final work - the Sayori he was famous for. He provided more than enough evidence to prove it. There was not a mark on him, no sign of coercion. It was as if all the evil in his heart vanished overnight." 

His frown deepened. "It doesn't work like that." 

"But it did. For a little over a year whenever a calling card would appear, people mired in their wickedness were suddenly overcome with remorse. Then they vanished. There were rumors, they were still around helping people, just less publically, and that you could contact them if you needed them."

"Why would they suddenly go from being as attention getting as possible to going stealth?" 

Agasa shrugged. "No one could say for sure, but there was a new member of the team running around, one who seemed significantly younger. Some thought it was to protect the kid." 

Conan felt his stomach churn. It all lined up. "Hakase...what would happen if they targeted the Organization." 

Agasa thought for a moment. "They would, that's exactly the kind of evil they would have targeted. But they always went after individuals, not groups. And since no one knows what their methods are, it would be hard to say. But it hardly matters, Shinichi. No ones heard from them in a decade." 

But that wasn't true. He had heard from them that very afternoon. The Phantom Thieves of Heart were real and they were on a collision course with the Black Organization.

[dez-wade]

I’m trying really hard not to like get genuinely upset or pissed off by this and I kind of want to hear someone else’s opinion and you’re always willing to discuss some of the more “negative” aspects of what’s happening which I appreciate! Somebody being upset or frustrated doesn’t give them the right to behave in certain way or say certain things and then just have everyone be like “oh but he’s had a hard few days and he’s frustrated 🥺” bad is a fully grown man. He should be able to handle genuine criticism and for him to sit there and say “no but the words we use are important Tina” all obnoxious when Tina was telling him FOR HIS OWN GOOD to not get all worked up and mixed up in exact definition and terminology that Etoiles was using to describe what happened to him. Etoiles called it a bug. Etoiles is also not a native English speaker yet he CONSTANTLY goes out of his way to speak English to his friends INCLUDING BAD just for bad to be all “well the exact language he uses matters” No it doesn’t. not in this situation it’s doesn’t. Let’s see bad sit and discuss something in French and then be told “well actually the exact wording you use matters so I’m going to just continuously go on and on about why you are in fact wrong because you used one word incorrectly” I’m sorry but he’s trying his best to ACCOMMODATE YOU!!! As someone who’s first language is French it’s just really upset me and I really enjoy bads content so it’s just gotten to me even more than usual

Yeah, it thought he contesting what Etoiles was saying it wasn't the right thing. A lot of times Bad, and most English speakers tbh, think they're on the same level in English which isn't the case.

Forever had trouble with this a lot of time with him, and started speaking Portuguese out of spite in one of their discussions.

Fit, who said "disengage" yesterday and Etoiles didn't understand making these two separate and Etoiles die.

It's not out of malice, but they forget how privileged they are and that people are communicating with them in their second language. Semantics really didn't matter right there. And Tina was right to try to not make him dig himself deeper.

At least he seemed to understand in the end, because it took Tubbo, to explain to him what it was. And he even suggested to report the bug when Tubbo talked about how something similar happened to him and Pac in the toxic gas event, so the admins won't only fix the quicksand one.

I think BBH viewers (I watched BBH a lot, now not so much) are kinda used to when goes in his "explanation" mode and starts using metaphors, analogies, and explains pretty much the same thing like 10x times using different words. So I was not really surprised when he started talking about that. That's just his personality, I guess.

But Bad really should be more conscious when he's talking to people whose first language isn't English and less over-focused on small, irrelevant things.

[jawritter]

Carry On

Chapter 17

Summary: It was just a simple hunt, found on a pie festival. It was supposed to be easy. Something they’d all done one hundred and one times a million. No one could have told Y/N, Dean, and Sam that nothing from that point on would ever be the same again.

Pairing: Dean Winchester x Reader x Sam Winchester

Word Count: 3097

Warnings: Angst, and the beginnings of some changes...

Due to the graphic nature of this fic, and the fact that it will eventually contain Smut. This fic is an 18 + only fic! If you’re under 18 DO NOT read this fic!

A/N: This fic is beta’d by @kazsrm67​​​​ Thanks so much love! Please do not copy my work! Feedback is golden! I hope you all enjoy this ride with me!

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With a deep breath, Dean pulled Baby smoothly into a gas station parking lot just outside of his original hometown of Lawrence, Kansas, putting her into park before he finally turned to look at Y/N.

The almost three-hour ride had been a very silent one. Dean kept the radio up, humming along as he always did. When they first left the bunker, he seemed to be in very good spirits.  However, the longer they were in the car, the more fidgety and nervous Dean seemed to get.

She’d been with Dean damn near round the clock since the hunting accident, she’d learned his tells. The way he shifted in his seat, tapped his fingers too fast to be just rhythmically on the steering wheel, or the way he kept swallowing and clearing his throat. 

Dean was the kind of person that would never really let you know if he was scared, or nervous, unless it was so bad that he didn’t have a choice but to admit it anyway. Still, she’d learned not to try and dig it out of him; because that just irritated him more, then she’d never get anything out of him. She didn’t want to ruin his surprise either, but the more nervous he got, the more her anxiety crept up right along with his, to the point that she was about to explode in her seat.

“So,” Dean voiced softly after a moment as he cleared his throat and allowed his sharp green gaze to drift out the window in front of him at the cars passing up and down the somewhat busy main street, across from them was an auto body shop, faded, and closed. It looked as if it had been shut down for several years now. 

“I’m asking you to please not judge me, and keep an open mind at what I’m about to tell you, okay? If I tell Sam any of this, he’s gonna blow a gasket, and I can’t deal with that right now, I just can’t.”

“Okay,” Y/N reassured him even though she was pretty sure her heart had just jumped from her chest into her throat somewhere, damn near cutting off her air supply as she watched Dean’s jaw tighten and relax with his own nerve filled struggle. 

For a beat, Dean just sat there in silence and if she listened hard enough, she was pretty sure she could hear the wheels churning away in his head until she reached across the seat and took his hand in hers. 

“Before I tell you what we’re doing here, I want you to understand, this is not something I’m taking lightly, and I’ve lost more than a little sleep making this decision. My whole life, I’ve spent it doing things for other people. Whether it was raising Sam for Dad, hunting, whatever. I’ve sacrificed a lot in life, more than most people ever will, and definitely more than anyone is willing to. I think it’s about time I give something back to myself.”

Y/N sat there with his hand in hers, the sound of cars zooming up and down the road like white noise in the background on a broken television set in an outdated motel room, staring at the man she loved more than her own life. There was such a gravity of truth in what he’d said, that kept whatever she thought she might have wanted to say stuck deep in her chest, and choked off to the point it was almost suffocating as she just squeezed his hand in hers, because that’s all her body would allow her to move. 

“Before Charlie…” 

Dean stopped, closed his eyes for a moment, but didn’t give Y/N time to react before he recovered. 

“Before Charlie died, I wasn’t in a good state. There was just a lot going on for me at that time. I wanted out worse than I’d ever wanted out, but I felt like I only had one choice in my life, and out wasn’t it. I called Charlie more than a little intoxicated. She found me about three days later at an old motel room in Salt Lake City, and she gave me this,” he said as he reached into his jacket pocket and handed her two envelopes that she took with a confused look on her face out of his battle-scarred hands. 

Dean sat quietly as Y/N opened the first envelope. It was an ID, Social Security Card, and a Bank Card with the name Dean Winchester on it. There were a few different versions though that told her these were fake, and not Dean’s ACTUAL Id and other information. His age was a little older by about two years. The height was about an inch or two shorter, She assumed it was the same with the other Social Security card as well. The back card belonged to a federal credit union. When she opened the other envelope, it was a bank statement for the bank card that she had in her hand… for over $500,000.00 American dollars, and she damn near swallowed her tongue before she looked up to Dean, who sat there watching her with a very masked face. 

“She gave me an out, but made me promise not to use it until I was ready to start my life over again, and leave this shit behind; not for Sam, not for Dad, or anyone else, but for me. For some unknown god damned reason, she thought that I deserved to have something in this life that wasn’t the hand I was dealt. I’ll never understand that.”

“Dean–”

“Hang on Baby, let me finish, ‘cause I don’t want to lose my nerve,” Dean said, and Y/N nodded, she was sitting there in a state of shock. He’d kept this to himself all this time. Kept it from Sam, kept it from everyone. But Charlie was so right, he did deserve it, he deserved a happy ending to this horrific clusterfuck that had become his life since before he was even old enough to understand it. 

“Sam doesn’t know about this, no one does, but when I was laying on my back in that hospital bed, all I could think about was if I get out of here alive, if I get the chance, I’m gonna keep this promise. I’m gonna do this for me. Hunting is out for me now anyway, and I have you now, so it’s not like I’d be alone, cause fuck I know I can’t do this alone.”

Dean rubbed his hand harshly down his face, trying to pull back whatever emotions he didn’t want to show just yet. “You see that shop right there,” he said, pointing to the old abandoned mechanic shop that was just across the road from where they were sitting, and she nodded as she looked at the boarded up windows and the faded paint on the sign of the place, advertising oil changes and tire realignments, almost as if was frozen in a time long before either of them, just waiting for someone to come and turn the lights on again. “It was my grandmother’s and grandfather’s auto repair shop, my dad worked here too for a while before hunting did its damage on my family… I was able to buy it for less than 10 thousand.”

If it were humanly possible for Y/N’s jaw to hit the floorboard, it would have. In fact, in any other situation, her face probably would have been comical. 

It was Dean’s wide eyed silence as he watched her that pulled her out of her stupor. If her mind was racing, she knew for sure Dean’s was, and even though she had a host of questions, he did say this was something he’d thought through. 

“Dean, that’s—that’s awesome, I’m not gonna lie, I have questions, but that’s great,” she tried, even though those questions were quickly turning into fears that were sitting like a rock in the center of her gut as the shock gave way to those thoughts she fought so hard to repress since the beginning of his gain of independence. 

“I know it’s a lot of work that needs to be done, and I know that I’ll have to hire people to help me do the things I can’t physically do, but… It’s something I’ve always wanted to do. Like something that we lost that maybe we never should have. Something that was taken from us, and I want it back now.”

“Dean, you deserve this,” she assured him, swallowing the lump of uncertainty that gathered in her throat;  she hoped against hope that he couldn’t hear it in her voice. “This is going to be great. A fresh start is something you absolutely need, and I have to say that Charlie would have been in approval of the choice you’ve made.”

“It’s the first thing I’ve really been excited about doing; that I can actually SEE myself doing that’s not hunting,” Dean admitted. “I always wanted to be a firefighter, but that’s out for sure, and so is being a cop or working in law enforcement, but this… this I’m pretty sure I can do with some help.”

Y/N leaned into his shoulder, and he quickly wrapped his arm around her, placing a delicate kiss to the top of her forehead, that helped chase some of the fear and anxiety away that had crept in on her. 

“Does that mean you’re leaving us at the bunker because this is like… three hours away, I don’t see you wanting to drive that daily,” she questioned through the vice grip that had developed on her throat.

Dean sat her up slowly, forcing her to face him even though she suddenly didn’t want to, because she was afraid that if she did, then she’d start to cry. He was so excited when he left the bunker with her, and here she was, ruining it. 

“What do you mean, ‘leave us’? Honey, I ain’t leaving you anywhere, wherever I go, you go. Unless you just don’t want to come… In which case, I’d resale this back to the city, cause you’re far more important to me than this shop or anything else that I might have.”

There was a sincerity in his voice. -it grounded her. It was what she’d needed to hear the whole time that she’d been walking with him through this nightmare and she didn’t even really notice it until he actually said it. He wasn’t going anywhere, he’d stay, and he’d let her say, and that’s all that mattered. To her, the bunker was just a concrete building with walls, few windows, and a bunch of old lore… but Dean was her home. She’d follow him anywhere. 

“I’m not gonna make you give this up Dean, and I’m gonna go wherever you wanna be. I’m so proud of  you and how far you’ve come already, I’m not about to walk away from this, or you.”

Dean placed a soft, almost nervous kiss on her lips that in her opinion was far too brief before resting his forehead on her own, still holding her as close to him as possible. 

“Good, cause I got one more thing I wanna show you, and it’s a lot bigger than this is, so this is where you're gonna have to trust me and not judge me thing kicks in,” he admitted, “‘Cause this is the biggest thing I’ve ever done, and I don’t know what everyone is gonna think about it.”

“Okay,” Y/N agreed, cause she did trust him, she trusted him more than she’d ever trust anyone. She’d gladly put her life in his hands, and also lay her life down for him. She’d come to the conclusion, there was no her without him. If Dean didn’t exist, there was no point in her existing either. 

Dean put the car into drive, and back out onto the main road, keeping one hand firmly locked in her own as he drove down the all to familiar streets that were at one point his childhood hometown. But she didn’t see any of it. Not really. She couldn’t be bothered to take her eyes off of the man sitting next to her. 

For the first time since the accident, Dean looked strong. He sat relaxed in the seat next to her one arm propped on the open window as he held loosely onto the wheel, and the other laced with hers in the middle of the seat. He wasn’t sitting stiffly like he was in any pain at all, or at least very little. 

There were some differences to him than the man that she’d gone hunting with on that fateful night. His hair was longer, not too long, but it looked good on him. It wasn’t a conscious decision he’d made to grow it out, it was just something that had happened, and he did mention that he did like the change when she offered to trim it a little for him. The stubble that graced his strong jaw was now a light beard that he kept well groomed and maintained. HIs color was back; he didn’t look pale and sick most of the time anymore. He’d even gained some weight. He looked healthy. He even looked happy. 

It was enough to make her want to cry all over again, because she just never thought she’d see him get here again, never thought she’d see him THIS strong again. Like some of the life he’d had stolen from him was suddenly given back, and he could breathe again. 

“Okay,” Dean voiced as he slowed, turning onto a residential street that Y/N didn’t recognize before he came to a slow stop in front of a house that she, at first, didn’t recognize… until she did. 

“Do you know where we are?” Dean questioned, and Y/N nodded slowly as her eyes scanned the massive exterior of the home that sat in the glowing spring sunlight. 

“It’s… It’s your childhood home…” she said as her eyes scanned the yard that was unkempt. It needed painting. Maybe a few gutters needed to be replaced, but other than that, the house was very structurally sound. 

“Jenny, the lady that lived here with her two kids got married recently, and she moved with her husband a few towns over. When I came to look at the shop, I decided to drive by here, ya know, see if someone’s still here, if the old place was even still standing, but it was empty. So I tracked her down, and offered to buy it from her, and umm….. I'm meeting with her today after three to meet with her lawyer and have the papers drawn up and pay her for it. I’m buying it.”

For the second time that day, Y/N’s jaw hit the floor. Of all the things she thought he was gonna show her today, a change of life wasn’t something she saw coming at all, but to buy back their home… That was something she never thought Dean would do. 

“Dean— Oh my God, wow, I’m… That’s fucking great!”

Dean visibly relaxed as soon as the words came out of her mouth, and she swore she saw five years fall off of his stressed out features in that moment, and a relieved smile took its place as his eyes drifted towards the home they were parked in front of. 

“God I’m glad you said that, cause I know Sammy is gonna flip the fuck out when I tell him you and I are gonna be moving back here… Well, that is, if you want to… I mean, I really want you to—”

“Dean, I’m here as long as you’ll have me, I'll go wherever you go, remember,” she assured him as the shock started to fade a little, and a little twinge of excitement started to take its place.

“Are you sure you wanna do this though? Or rather, that you CAN do this? I remember the day that you refused to even come down this street for a possible hunt once.” she questioned, and Dean nodded solemnly, as if it wasn’t something he hadn't already thought about. 

“You’re right,” he admitted, his green orbs swimming with different emotions as he looked back towards her and laced his fingers with her own again. “There was a time when I wouldn’t have been able to do this. But… after actually spending some time with my mom, getting to have a second chance with her over again, learning from first hand experience that someone’s story doesn’t necessarily END in death, I can. What happened to mom that night… it will forever be burned into my memory, but so will the time I got to spend with her long after the yellow eyed demon was dead.”

Dean took a deep breath as one single tear rolled down his freckle dusted cheek, and Y/N slid over into his arms, suddenly needing to be close to him. 

“When I was little, after the fire, I can remember crying for hours at a time, wanting to come home. I never found a home again after that. It was motel to motel, town to town, school to school, then you walked into my life, and I had the bunker for a while;  I always had Baby, but I wanna bring us both home now. I wanna put my life back together after the Hell I’ve walked through all these years, and I wanna do it right here. A place I never should have been forced to leave anyway, with you, for whatever time we have left on this Earth. I got another chance, and I wanna do things differently this time.”

Y/N rested her head on his shoulder, and he leaned against her as well, holding onto her for dear life. 

It would take a lot of work, but this is EXACTLY what Dean deserved. He deserved to get back everything that was stolen from him so long ago, he deserved a happy ending. He wanted her there with him, and that was more than she could ever ask for.

“Jenny told me where the key was hidden, wanna go take a look around on the inside before we have to go and meet her?” Dean questioned hopefully, and Y/N nodded, a new string of excitement rolling under her skin. 

“Yeah, I’d like that. I’d like that a lot…”

Forever:

@britnwinchester​​​

@samanddeaninatrenchcoat​​

@wittysunflower

@demongirl1996​​​  

@as-lost-as-sams-shoe​​​

@jensenslady79​​​

@spnwoman​​​

@stoneyggirl2​​​

@unabashed-lover-of-fictional-men​​​

@stixnstripesworld​​​

@fullwattpadmusictree​​​

@nancymcl​​​

@christycreature​​​

@whiskey-infused-dreams​​​

@supernatural79impala​​​

@deandreamernp​​​

@forgetthisbull​​​

@miraclesoflove​​​

@slamminmine​​​

@deanwanddamons​​​

@rvgrsbrns​​​

@chevyharvelle​​​

@i-love-superhero-movies​​​

@lyss-dw79​​​

@magssteenkamp​​​

@lemondropirwin​​​

@squirrelnotsam​​​

@hobby27​​​

@spnbaby-67​​​  

@mrsjenniferwinchester​​​

@defenderrosetyler​​​

@thecreatiivecorner​​​  

@vicmc624​​​

@busy-bee-angel-misska​​​

@justanotherwinchester​​​

@brilovesdeanwinchester​​​

@idksupernatural​​​

@lyarr24​​​

@emoryhemsworth​​​

@dean-winchesters-gardian-angel​​​

@flamencodiva​​​

@itmejado

@thoughts-and-funnies​​​

@teresa-67​​​

@hearteyes-j2​​​

@peaches007​​​

@bobbie3939​​​

@vulgar-library​​​

@writercole​​​

@fairlyspnfanfic​​​

@sexyvixen7​​​

@spngi​​​

@b3autyfuldisast3r​��​

@donnaintx​​​

@maliburenee​​​

@the-family-business67​​​

@agirlwithdemonblood​​​

@captainsoldiergirl​​​

@twinkleinadiamondsky​​​

Jensen and Dean’s Babes

@deans-baby-momma​​​  

@impalaslytherin​​​

@perpetualabsurdity​​​

@msmarvelouswinchester​​​

@akshi8278​​​

@love-jackles​​​

@irmcpar​​​

@pink-sparkly-witch​​​

@deans-spinster-witchs-favorites​​​

@herstarburststories​​​

@mimaria420​​​

@deanwinchesterswitch​​​

@charred-angelwings​​​

@pascal-rascal424​​​

@myloversgone​​​

@fortheloveof-jackles​​​

@eevvvaa​​​

@bts-spnlvr12​​​

@jxackles

@lassie-bird​​​

@samsgirl93​​​

@shawnie74​​​  

@kaz11283​​​

@mlovesstories​​​

@ladysparks78

@sarahgracej​

[bnhaobservation]

Todoroki Enji's atonement arc: observations, ramblings and speculations (Part 2)

Welcome to part 2 of my “Todoroki Enji’s atonement arc: observations, ramblings and speculations” meta. Part 2 will make more sense if you read part 1 first, so I recommend you to do so.

In case you really don't feel like going through part 1, I'll tell you in it I went through what are assumed to be the steps of Todoroki Enji’s redemption arc, and noted why they don’t seem to work so well.

Now we’re going to dig into…

IN THE END WHAT ARE WE LOOKING AT?

Most of the story so far didn’t look as if it has been set up to shows us Enji walking a redemption path in regard to his family, as originally his goal was merely to become a better hero, fitting of the title of number 1.

So I might be wrong but my guess is that what the story aimed to show us so far wasn’t his redemption path, but how Enji came to the realization he has to atone to his family not because this means he’ll be a better Hero, but because he has wronged them and he truly regrets doing so.

Long story short, STEP 2 IS THE GOAL of Enji’s arc, not the beginning.

As Shōto said:

‘Chottoshita kikkake ga hito o kaeru koto mo arutte’ 「ちょっとした切っ掛けが人を変えることもあるって」 “Sometimes a small reason can change a person.” [Chap 192]

‘Kikatte’ (切っ掛け) can mean “motive”, “Impetus” but also “chance”, “occasion”, “start”, “cue”, “excuse”.

It’s one of the themes of the story, we saw it with Twice, that became a Villain due to a small incident that caused him to spiral always lower, but, in Enji’s case, we’re meant to see him slowly rising into a better person.

And the small thing that’s meant to trigger his change, his starting line, is his wish to become a better Hero so as to be fitting of his role as Number 1.

This is what will push him to ponder on what he did, so that he’ll later, much later, will come to the realization he did something horrible to his family, something that had devastating repercussions on them and can’t be just shrugged off, and that he has to redeem himself not in order to be a better Hero… but because he regrets he has hurt his family and wants to make them better.

That small thing is meant to lead him to point 2, which is still very, very far.

ENJI’S ‘TRAVEL’ TO REALIZE HOW MUCH HE WRONGED HIS FAMILY

So, let’s watch again what happen when Enji comes to the decision he’ll become a better Hero and tries to ‘atone’ because a Hero should protect people’s future, not cut people’s future short.

When, for the first time, he tries to reach out for Shōto gently, Shōto moves away, refusing contact. This drives home it’s not enough to change the way he interact with Shōto, to get Shōto to shrug everything off and start anew with him.

He can’t do something as simple as meet Rei, meeting Rei would be bad for her, while she could meet Shōto just fine, which drives home he’s actually the problem with Rei, not Shōto, even though it was Shōto who got hurt by her.

When he’s injured, his injury makes him take true notice of Shōto’s scar. He blamed Rei for it but Shōto blamed him for it and now he might start feeling guilty for causing his son such scar.

When he tries to connect with Natsuo, Natsuo calls out on his behavior. Enji just expects them to leave the past behind and start moving forward together but Natsuo is plagued by the past and can’t leave it behind. The past comes to his mind each time he does something as simple as seeing Enji’s face. Shōto also remarks how he is a great Hero but he still can’t forgive him for what he did to his mother. This forces Enji to face with the feelings of his victims. They can’t just… start again because he wants them to.

When things fail with Natsuo and Fuyumi is so very hurt by this, he’s forced to acknowledge how his daughter worked hard to give him the chance to have a family dinner and he wasted it saying the wrong words to Natsuo so he apologizes to her.

‘Fuyumi imamade sumanakatta’ 「冬美今まですまなかった」 “Fuyumi, I’m sorry (for what happened) until now”

‘Natsuo ni kakeru kotoba o machigaeta’ 「夏雄に掛ける言葉を間違えた」 “I said the wrong words to Natsuo.” [Chap 192]

I’ll stop a moment on this apology as it’s the first apology Enji makes in the story.

Japanese people have 2.000 ways to apologize depending on what they’re apologizing for, how casual or formal is the speech, who they’re talking with, the context… you name it.

And of course, Enji uses always different ways to say ‘I’m sorry’ and the various differences between a sorry and another aren’t that easy to translate in English so almost all goes translated with an ‘I’m sorry’.

Said all this… how Enji is apologizing to Fuyumi here?

For start let’s go with the premise he usually uses casual speech to talk with his family members, which makes sense.

The word he picks now to apologize is ‘sumanakatta’ (すまなかった).

‘Sumanakatta’ is the past tense form of ‘suman’ (すまん), which is the informal/contracted version of ‘sumimasen’ (すみません) which comes from the verb ‘sumu’ (済む) “to feel unease or guilt for troubling someone”.

This is the apology you use when you do anything that might make someone else uncomfortable and, even if Enji is using the casual form, it’s generally considered a formal apology, kind of like an “Excuse me”.

It doesn’t necessarily mean what you did was small, in fact it’s also what you’ll use to apologize to your boss for a mistake because, in polite language, this is the way to apologize you’ve to use.

An interesting thing though is that you can also use it with the meaning of “thank you” when someone does something for you, so you are apologizing for the inconvenience with the purpose of thanking that person. It’s however less strong than ‘arigatō’ (ありがとう).

In this case it can have both meaning, Enji might have been apologizing Fuyumi for troubling her up until then, or thanking her for all she did even though it troubled her up until then.

The following sentence seems to imply it’s more an ‘I’m sorry’ as he mentions messing up with Natsuo, which ruined Fuyumi’s efforts for them to have a family dinner.

Is he using polite language and therefore making a formal, serious apology to Fuyumi or it’s just casual speech?

The visual helps us figuring this out.

In fact, while it’s nice Enji apologizes, the apology feels hollow, a mere formality, just an act because Fuyumi went through a lot of effort and Enji was about to leave without saying nothing. He apologizes solely when she protests he’s about to leave and the visual doesn’t even show him watching her as he does so, no, he’s looking ahead, likely focusing on his atonement plan, which is ironic as he’s thinking at atoning and yet he isn’t even watching one of the people he should atone to.

So let’s go back to Enji.

When Enji decides Shōto should let him teach him Flashfire Fist because ‘now he’ll do like a father should’, Shōto for a while ignores his calls. This leads him to experience the feeling of being ignored, his feelings dismissed after he has done it for so long with the ones of his family.

This also tells us more on how he continues doing things one sided in his ‘atonement’, he basically wants to still do what he wants (teach Shōto Flashfire Fist) but in a different, ‘better’ way. He thinks Shōto should just open up to him because he’s going to be better, because he’ll became the man he wants to be (a man worth of the position of Number 1). He’s not addressing what he did to Shōto in the past, how it impacted Shōto’s life, nor he’s asking Shōto what he could do to make up and he’s again not really caring for his feelings since he is the one who decided Shōto should learn it, this is not Shōto’s idea.

So how this becomes another lesson?

When Shōto accepts to have his Work Study in Endeavor agency Enji takes it as a win, he doesn’t even ask Shōto what he wants to learn, he has already decided for him, SAME AS BEFORE, and what’s Shōto’s response?

Shōto, who had previously told him he believes he’s a great Hero but wants to see what he can do as a father, remarks he came to his agency SOLELY BECAUSE HE’S THE NUMBER 1 HERO and doesn’t view him as a father… because Enji did nothing to show him he can be a father. Wanting him in his agency, wanting to teach him Flashfire is still because Enji is a Hero and Shōto answers in kind, accepting him as a the Number 1 Hero but rejecting him as a father. And Enji has to face and swallow this, that now that he’s trying to be a father, his son views him solely as a Hero. Enji wanted to live in the Hero world with Shōto? Now he’s doing it, but he doesn’t have his son anymore.

And we continue with the lessons.

When Fuyumi invites them to dinner and Natsuo says he also used to cook for the family but Endeavor might not have let Shōto eat it because it was rich… Enji says he didn’t know Natsuo did this but hey, why not to try again, which is Enji’s version of attempting to connect with Natsuo now.

In reply Natsuo gets upset because Enji has again acknowledged he hadn’t paid attention to Natsuo in the past but he’s not apologizing, he’s not addressing the past, he’s just saying, try again, this time I’ll see you… and so Natsuo leaves, hurt, because his past pain was dismissed and he was fundamentally asked to move on, which leaves Enji to face the fact it’s not enough TO DO BETTER NOW, to try to pay attention to his kids now.

And all those lessons lead Enji to think harder at his family, at the situation, at what he’s supposed to do.

Later, for example, he’ll thanks Fuyumi.

Remember when I said ‘sumanakatta’ could work as “Thank you” but it’s less strong than ‘arigatō’?

‘Fuyumi. Arigatō’ 「冬美ありがとう」 “Fuyumi. Thank you.” [Chap 250]

Well, to thanks Fuyumi, Enji uses ‘arigatō’ now. He still seems not able to look at her in the eyes, but this time it’s not because he’s looking ahead at his future plans, his gaze is downcast so he’s probably ashamed of himself.

Enji had been trying ‘atoning’ by a while with little to no result and yet Fuyumi had always acted supportive. Now he’s likely more aware of how this isn’t necessarily a given, he has learnt to appreciate more his daughter’s efforts, this time he doesn’t try to leave without saying anything, he stops to thank her. And, from Fuyumi’s expression, we can see this matters to her, this makes her happy.

But back to Enji.

Enji claims each night he asks himself what he can do for his family. And his subconscious in a way answers him, as he says he dreams each night his family at dinner table, they’re all happy but he’s not there. Enji first interprets this as a manifestation of how he feels now, he’s cut out of his family, they’re now ignoring him, they’re happy but he can’t partake at their happiness… even though now he’s trying to be better and wants to be there.

But there’s another way to see the dream, as his subconscious pointing out at his mistakes.

He’s the one who was never with his family, he’s the one who decided on not sitting with them and enjoying that simple happiness, he rejected it because he wanted to live in the Hero world and surpass All Might, and so he cut them out, neglected them when he didn’t outright abuse them to force them to serve his needs. He had no time for them he wouldn’t see them. Now that they’re also cutting him out, he’s merely reaping what he had sown.

The fact he had cut his family out of his Hero World, that he is focusing only on his Hero persona is always the root of his problems.

His family has told him what they wanted him to do, Shōto wants to see what he can do as a dad, Fuyumi has made clear she wants her family back, Natsuo might feel more obscure in what he wants, but in the end he too asked Enji something, for Enji to do something, to make that atonement happen so that Natsuo will stop being plagued by the past and will manage to grant his sister’s dream for them to live together. Enji hears Midoriya saying Shōto is waiting, waiting to see Enji do something as a father, but he doesn’t know what to do because Enji is still too busy on being a Hero.

It’ll turn out his plan to do something for his family was AGAIN letting his family go. He’ll give them a new house and remain in the old one. Even though Shōto and Fuyumi made clear they wanted him to step up on the role of father, he’s not trying to be a father, he’s not trying to fix the hurt he caused, he’s just pulling out. AGAIN.

To be a Hero.

And here comes again an important lesson. In regard to his family he can’t even be a Hero.

In fact we see that when Natsuo is captured by Ending DUE TO HIM as Ending is targeting ENJI or better ENDEAVOR,  even though didn’t want Natsuo to get hurt, in that moment in which his son was in danger he was so worried with his own feelings he froze. He couldn’t even be a Hero and Shōto, Bakugo and Midoriya had to step up and save the day.

We aren’t talking about him needing to be the Number 1 Hero, the strongest Hero, Ending is nowhere near a Nomu in terms of strength, we’re talking about being just as good as a Hero in training so that he can save his son. And he fails. And this for him might be the harshest lesson, that, for his family, he can’t even be a Hero, the only things that matters for him.

And this time, faced with his complete and utter failure as a Hero and the fact he was about to lose another child of his like he had lost Tōya, he apologizes to Natsuo.

He hugs his child, admits he failed where Bakugo and the others succeeded (a clearly humbling moment) and, when Natsuo forcefully breaks out of his hug, he apologizes to Natsuo, admitting he was in the wrong.

‘Warukatta…!’ 「悪かった…!」 “It was my bad…!”

‘Isshun kangaete shimatta ore ga tasuketara konosaki omae wa ore ni nani mo ienaku natte shimau node wanai ka to’ 「一瞬考えてしまった俺が助けたらこの先おまえは俺に何も言えなくなってしまうのではないかと」 “I thought for a moment that if I helped you, you might not be able to say anything to me from now on.”

‘Natsuo shinjinakute mo ī!’ 「夏雄信じなくてもいい…！」 “Natsuo, you don't have to believe me…!”

Ore wa omae-tachi o utonde ita wake janai 「俺はおまえたちを疎んでいたわけじゃない」 “It’s not like I was distancing myself from you guys”

‘Daga sekinin o nasuritsuke nigeta’ 「だが責任をなすりつけ逃げた」 “but I lay the blame/responsibility on others and ran away.”

‘Tōya mo… Ore ga koroshita mo dōzenda…!’ 「燈矢も…俺が殺したも同然だ…!」 “Tōya too…it's the same as if I killed him too…!” [Chap 252]

And here Enji apologizes again but this time the word he chooses is ‘Warukatta’ (悪かった).

‘Warukatta’ is the past tense form of ‘warui’ (悪い), which comes from the noun ‘waru’ (悪) “bad thing” (or, if you read it as ‘aku’, “evil thing”).

Technically, it isn't an actual apology but an admission of fault. Of course, if you admit you’re at fault, which is a big deal in Japan, this should imply you're sorry for what you did.

And okay, I already said Enji uses casual speech with his family but… this is a… very casual way to say ‘sorry’. Even if it imply you did something bad… it’s not something you should use, not even with your friends, for a serious matter, in fact it’s kind of like “My bad” and, what’s more, what Enji says after it, is still very much focused on defending himself and explaining himself but he’s FINALLY acknowledging some of his wrongdoing and taking responsibility for them instead than avoid the whole topic. He’s not escaping from the blame by pushing it on others anymore… even if, despite how serious they are, it seems he’s still underplaying them. There’s to say though that his head is lowered in apology so maybe he’s being super casual just because he’s Natsuo’s father and therefore socially above Natsuo, which makes him bowing his head to Natsuo matter a lot more.

However yes, he’s not really addressing Natsuo’s feelings… at least not in a way that matters. He’s not soothing the hurt he caused to Natsuo. He thinks he’s doing it when he says Natsuo doesn’t have to forgive him, but this is missing the point of what forgiving is and why it’s done.

‘Ore o yurusanakute ī’ 「俺を許さなくていい」 “You don't have to forgive me”

‘Yurushite hoshī n janai’ 「許してほしいんじゃない」 “I don't want you to forgive me”

‘Tsugunaitainda’ 「償いたいんだ」 “I want to make amends” [Chap 252]

The importance of forgiving, which often gets lost in redemption arcs as they tend to focus on the abuser and everything seems to get fixed for him when he’s forgiven, is that ‘forgiving’ isn’t done for the abuser, but for the victim.

The abuser can (and often should) continue to feel bad for what a disgusting thing he did even if he get forgiven but, at least, the victim will feel better because forgiving means to let go of all the painful/angry feelings the victim feels. That’s why, in a redemption arc, striving for being forgiven is important and is the milestone that signal the end to the arc, because finally the abuser is no more causing pain to the victim. He had paid the victim back. Which is the point of redemption. To pay the victim back, to make up to the victim.

In a roundabout way, this is what Natsuo is asking Enji to do, to soothe his hurt. It’s hinted Natsuo too wants to forgive Enji… but he doesn’t want to be the one who does the work.

Natsuo will in fact point out that when he sees Enji memories come rushing in. Those memories are painful so they clearly make him feel pain and he reacts to it with anger… so even though his sister would be happy to have them all, his father included, live together, he can’t do it. He feels like Enji is asking HIM to do the effort to let go of the past, but he wants Enji instead to make him let go of the past, to soothe the hurt he had caused.

Enji can’t atone if he doesn’t get forgiven because as long as Natsuo can’t forgive him, he’ll always feel pain seeing Enji, meaning Enji will always hurt him even when he tries not to.

‘Nande kotchi ga nōdōteki ni kawaranakya ikerunda yo!’ 「何でこっちが能動的に変わらなきゃいけるんだよ!」 “Why do I have to actively change!?”

‘Tsugunautte anta ni nani ga dekirunda yo’ 「償うってあんたに何ができるんだよ」 “What can you do to make amends?” [Chap 252]

And what is Enji going to do?

He’s again removing himself from Natsuo’s life. Yeah, if you want to face palm that’s the moment.

He will gift Natsuo and Fuyumi with a new, more comfortable house in which they can go live with their mother. Because Rei can’t see him without feeling fear, because Natsuo can’t see him without feeling pain and rage, he thinks the solution is for them to not see him, to avoid him, the way he has done with them.

He doesn’t try to fix the problem, he wants them to avoid it.

Mind you, he’s not doing this to be a jerk. Now he wants to be part of his family, he was thinking he could start again, so giving up on it feels painful to him… and avoiding him seems on the surface what Rei and Natsuo wanted, what they needed (Natsuo was trying to avoid him and Rei’s doctor said she’s not supposed to meet Enji). But this goes against what Fuyumi wants, for him too to be also part of the family, and shift the blame for this not happening on them.

Because they can’t stand to the sight of him, he has to pull back and Fuyumi won’t get her wish to live together and Shōto won’t get to see him acting like a father. And Natsuo made clear he wanted to fulfill his sister’s wish, he just didn’t know how to do it and wanted Enji to do something in that regard and Enji… didn’t.

Enji chose the easy way out of the problem, like he admitted he always did.

While the consequence he has to face is that he has ‘lost’ his family, turning into reality the dream he kept having, the family now that he’s no more plagued by his envy he has discovered he wanted to be with… building a new house for his family is no big deal for him as he has the money to do so and he can still hope things will eventually get fixed and that they’ll move over.

If this didn’t happen… well, he’ll remain without his family but, since he kept away from it though most of his life prioritizing his Hero career… to us readers it doesn’t really seem a big deal. After all it’s not like he wants to stop being a Hero, and he’s Number 1 and so we reach the Paranormal Liberation War with Enji still having been forced to face unpleasant consequences for what he did but, fundamentally, nothing earth shattering, nothing that pushed him to fight with all he had to make up to his family.

He still needs a push.

Enters Dabi, who’s more than willing to give him a giant size shove.

TŌYA OR WHEN GENTLY NUDGING YOU DOESN’T WORK, LET’S TRY WITH KICKING YOU

Redemption and revenge aim at the same thing, refunding the victim of an abuse. The difference is that in redemption the abuser decides on the refunding on his own, in revenge it’s the victim that take matters in his hands and extract refunding from the abuser, often believing they’re done in an ‘oculum pro oculo’ manner… but actually going way too overboard because they often want revenge for something that’s intangible and long lasting, the pain they suffered and keep suffering.

But back with Enji.

Up to this point Enji has interacted with his victims… but they were all what you call ‘good victims’ victims who wouldn’t try to return back the wrongdoing they have received. Even in Shōto and Natsuo’s case, despite them being angry with him, the most they do is tell him why they’re angry and avoid him or reject him as a father, they don’t really try to make Enji’s life as miserable as he made their own.

In fact, while Rei and Fuyumi are of the ‘forgive and forget’ type, Natsuo and Shōto are more of the ‘forgive but NOT forget’ kind (and, to be honest, they aren’t even fully done with the forgiving part) as they’re slowly letting go of their anger but they aren’t willing to shrug off what Enji did.

However Tōya, at the moment, is fully of the ‘NOT forgive and NOT forget’ type. His father ruined his life and he CAN’T get over this. What he suffered destroyed him psychologically, he’s suicidal and he chose anger as a way to cope with pain which leads him to pursue revenge as a way to get even with his father. If Enji made him miserable, he’ll make him miserable in return. If he destroyed him, he’ll destroy him back. If he’s in hell due to his father, he’ll drag Enji in hell as well.

‘Jigōjitoku da ze’ 「自業自得だぜ」 “You reap what you sow!”

‘Saa issho ni ochiyou Todoroki Enji!!’ 「さァ一緒に堕ちよう轟炎司！！」 “Well, let’s fall together, Todoroki Enji”

‘Jigoku (read: kotchi) de musuko (read: ore) to odorou ze!!!’ 「地獄(こっち)で息子(おれ)と踊ろうぜ！！！」 “Dance with your son (read: me) in hell (read: here)!!!” [Chap 290]

Tōya wants revenge which makes him aggressive as hell and causes him to do plenty of wrong things, but this doesn’t change the fact he’s also Enji’s victim, he’s also a family member Enji horribly wronged and Enji should atone to him too.

Now, a note on Tōya.

Differently from the rest of his family, who just blames Enji for the pain they suffered, Tōya is not just blaming Enji for what he went through, he’s blaming his family, who didn’t help him, and society, which enabled Enji.

So he doesn’t want to be paid back SOLELY by Enji, but by the rest of his family and society as well, and part of his actions aren’t aimed merely at hurting Enji but also all the others he views responsible, even if he thinks the biggest part of the blame rests on his father’s shoulders and extracting revenge from him is his main goal.

It’s what the other Todorokis, who set the blame solely on Enji, don’t quite get, but it’s also why Tōya has no problems hurting people who aren’t Enji. Because he sees them as co-responsible. To him it’s not ALL ABOUT ENJI, though Enji is the BIGGEST REASON of why all this happened and his main focus.

“Boku no Hero Academia” is a story that criticize/analyzes/promotes change in society as well so of course it has to be also about society… but this is about Enji and his redemption arc, so I won’t focus much on society and its problems and Tōya’s attempt to get revenge out of society as well. That’s for another post.

But, back on Enji.

Tōya’s role in this part of Enji’s arc is to FORCE HIM to come face to face with all that he is still trying to not see, the consequences of his actions and how they can’t just be erased, how not everyone will content himself with just moving out of his life and go on living because some can’t. Their future is a barren land, it doesn’t exist, they’re in hell and their only way out is dying.

Tōya’s whole speech is about forcing him to see.

Tōya doesn’t need to be prompted to speak his mind like Natsuo, he immediately makes clear his father ignored him, hurt him, stripped him of what gave his existence a meaning, made him miserable, he made clear the pain Enji put him through, and why he did so, which were the extremely selfish and egotistical reasons which moved Enji… and now he wants payback, or better he wants to return everything he received. He won’t set aside the past. Not only the past made him what he is now, keeps hurting him like an open wound, but it’s basically all he has, as he believed he has been stripped of his future.

‘Kako wa kienai za!!’ 「過去は消えないザ!!」 “The past doesn’t disappear!” [Chap 290]

Tōya also nails what had been Enji’s thoughts, Enji really thought ‘As long as I face the future, I can be better’, now that he was Number 1 he really tried to stare to his kids in the eyes longing to feel the warmness of his family.

‘Mirai ni me o mukete ireba tadashiku areru to omottadarou! ! ? 「未来に目を向けていれば正しくあれると思っただろう！！？」 “You should have thought if you turn your attention to the future, you’ll be able to follow the right path!!?”

‘Shira nē yōdakara oshiete yaru yo! !’ 「知らねエようだから教えてやるよ！！！」 “Since you don’t seem to know it, I’ll tell you!!” [Chap 290]

It didn’t went as easy as Tōya seems to think it went, as the others weren’t as accommodating and forgiving as he seems to believe they were, but those were Enji’s thoughts, he believed by walking toward the future he could leave the past behind.

And Tōya is there to remind him he can’t, that the past would never die. He dehumanizes himself so that he can present himself as the embodiment of such past, of Enji’s mistakes. He’s no more a person, he’s the result, the consequence of all of them.

Not only Tōya won’t forget what Enji did, he won’t forgive him and he’ll extract revenge from him.

Tōya won’t stay quiet in a mental hospital or go on with his life away from him, no, Tōya will expose everything Enji did, as well as the fact he’s his son and that his villainous actions are a direct consequence of Enji’s actions, an answer to them. He destroys Enji’s reputation as a Hero and as a man… and destroys the faith in Heroes the Hero society in which they lived thrives upon.

It was ‘easy’ for Enji to leave the past behind because he wasn’t the one who got hurt by his own actions, he wasn’t the one who had to face the consequences, who has to live with the psychological scarring.

Tōya forced him to see the past wouldn’t die, that the past actions have consequences that live on, that who’s hurt can’t just move on as easily as who had hurt people. He forces him to see this by hurting him, by giving him pain and psychological scars he won’t be able to shrug off and leave behind.

His father fails at empathy, he won’t get into someone else’s shoes willingly so Tōya forces him to do so in order to lead him to understand how much harm he did to him.

Tōya rips to shreds his father’s Hero persona, which was his father’s reason of existence, Enji now might stay Number 1 but he’s clearly no more a HERO in people’s eyes, no Hero is a HERO in their eyes. Because since Tōya was banned from entering in the Hero world by his father, he did his best to destroy such world in which his father thrived and which society enabled, refusing to see the wrong things Heroes were making.

What’s more, Enji, with Natsuo and Rei, thought he could fix things with them simply by pulling himself out of the equation. They won’t see him, and therefore won’t get hurt by seeing him, he won’t see them, and therefore won’t get hurt by seeing the consequences of his actions.

They all will not look at each other so that nobody will get hurt, or so he tells himself.

Tōya doesn’t let him do the same with him. Tōya wants Enji to look at him, to look at him and see all the harm he had done to him, he wants Enji to face consequences, to realize how he destroyed him for his beloved Hero world, for his selfish dream, for his ego.

Tōya is in pain and wants his father to see such pain and feel it on himself because Tōya is unable to move on, he can’t stop seeing Enji, he’s at a stage where he always feels pain inside himself. He doesn’t expect to be healed from his pain by his father, he’s more in a ‘commune naufragium, omnibus solarium’ mindset.

And Tōya does a pretty good job at making Enji face consequences, in fact, when Enji wakes up in the hospital he cries, saying Endeavor is dead. Tōya has succeeded in making him feel as miserable as he felt, he has ripped from him the reason why he existed, his Endeavor persona and Enji crumbles under the pain. He can’t just shrug it off like he expected his family to do.

He apologizes to his kids, this time using ‘suman’ (すまん).

‘Suman… hontō ni… sumanai. Suman…tsu.’ 「すまん…本当に…すまないすまん…つ」 “I’m sorry… I’m really… sorry. Sorry…”

‘Oso sugitanda… kōkai ga… zaiaku-kan ga… ima ni natte…! Kokoro ga mō’ 「遅すぎたんだ…後悔が…罪悪感が…今になって…!心がもう」 “It's too late… I feel regret… I feel guilty… now…! My heart is already…” [Chap 300]

Previously Enji has used ‘sumanakatta’, which was the past tense form of ‘suman’ (すまん).

So back at this are we? Is he just offering a formal apology because he “feel unease or guilt for troubling someone” in this specific case his family?

The visual helps us figuring this out.

This time the apology is more heartfelt. Enji is crying rather badly, his head lowered in shame, and he doesn’t say just ‘suman’ but also ‘hontō ni sumanai’ (本当にすまない).

‘Sumanai’ in this case should be the negative form of ‘suman’. The implication should be “he’ll never stop feeling unease or guilt for troubling someone”, so it’s a bit stronger than ‘suman’ even if still just casual (in fact some dictionary translate it as “I did something inexcusable”) and, to it, he adds ‘hontō ni’ (本当に), “really”, so he means “he really never stop feeling unease or guilt for troubling someone”.

This time the apology is clearly more serious, more heartfelt than with Fuyumi. It drives better home this time he’s more aware he didn’t just ‘troubled’ his family.

Now Enji is better grasping why he should be sorry about it, he’s crying, although he’s still very much focused on himself. His concerns are for his heart, which is broken (and possibly for how ‘Endeavor is dead’), not for how his family is feeling. He calls them there likely because he also wants them to comfort him, to make him feel better, not because he wants to make them feel better.

And this time it’s Rei to give him a wake up call, pointing out they had it much worse than him. And when he asks her if she’s okay, she points out she’s not.

Rei is another result of the past not dying, even though she’s moving on, now she’s capable to look straight at him… but it’s not like all the hurt went away.

Then Enji is forced to look back at the past and at his past actions as they, as a family, go through them.

Enji refused to look at Tōya, escaping responsibility, caused him to keep burning himself in an attempt to regain his affection and had two more kids with the excuse this would make Tōya stop burning himself but, in truth, because he was the one who couldn’t get over the fact he couldn’t surpass All Might. He drove Tōya so desperate that, in order to have him look at him, he attacked Shōto, because negative attention is better than no attention.

In response Enji isolated Shōto from his siblings, continued to refuse to look at Tōya even when it was made clear to him that this was what Tōya wanted, what Tōya needed, and not a sibling that could surpass All Might as Enji claimed Tōya needed… but that, in truth, was what Enji wanted.

Then Enji drove Rei to insanity and, even though he saw Tōya’s desperation and how his supposed idea to stop him from training by having Shōto didn’t work, continued to refuse to look at him to the point he knew Tōya would go to Sekoto Peak and would get burned if he were to use his Quirk but didn’t go to face him… and Tōya ended up with more than just new fresh burns, he burned down the whole place and himself as well.

As if this wasn’t bad enough Enji continued to put Shōto through hellish training, excusing his actions and insisting in his impressive sunk cost fallacy.

His family makes clear he can’t escape responsibility anymore and has to face Tōya.

Now, there is a problem in this if we look at the story as Enji’s redemption arc toward his WHOLE family (and therefore include Tōya too in it).

From now on, Enji will be pressured into focusing not on atoning to Tōya (or the rest of his family), but on focusing on doing his duty as Endeavor to protect and atone to society (which is tied to his responsibility toward society as Tōya’s father) which requires him to fight/stop Tōya/Dabi.

Yes, Tōya absolutely needs to be stopped, stopping him is the most logical thing to do but, if Enji is focusing on this and not on his atonement, stopping Tōya becomes a side quest that distracts him from his real quest… and stops him from seeing which is the fire he should truly stop, not the one his son creates with his Quirk, but the one burning inside Tōya, a fire he had light with his mistakes.

It’s a repeat of his past mistakes, where the family has focused on the fire of Tōya’s Quirk which burned him, and not on the one burning inside Tōya which made him miserable.

So, even though all the family is now taking responsibility for the situation, at the end of the day what they tell Enji to do is go face Tōya not as his father who needs to atone to him, but as the one who needs to stop him, likely wanting to encourage him to take up the mantle of Endeavor again, in fact Rei says ‘he has to fight Dabi’, using her son’s Villain name.

‘Sekinin wa anata dake no mono janai’ 「責任はあなただけのものじゃない」 “The responsibility is not just yours.”

‘Konkai no koto wa watashitachi zen'in no sekinin’ 「今回のことは私たち全員の責任」 “We are all responsible for this time.”

‘Kokoro ga kudakete mo watashitachi ga tata semasu’ 「心が砕けても私たちが立たせます」 “Even if your heart is broken, we will make you stand up”

‘Anata wa Dabi to tatakau shika nai no’ 「あなたは荼毘と戦うしかないの」 “You have no choice but to fight Dabi” [Chap 302]

Shōto also will remark they have to stop Tōya and then Hawks and Best Jeanist will insist on this as well. It’s irony at his finest, when Enji was finally willing to declare Endeavor dead, everyone wanted him to be Endeavor.

We could make another meta talking of his family and why they want this and why they don’t ask this because they don’t care about Tōya (they all love him), but that’s a Meta for another time.

Let’s stick to Enji.

The conclusion of all this is that he has to remain Endeavor and prioritize apologizing to society, atoning to it so he has to take part to a press conference and apologize.

‘Owabi no mōshiageyō mo gosaimasen’ 「お詫びの申し上げようもごさいません」 “There is no way for me to apologize enough/I have no excuses.” [Chap 306]

This is what he says to the press and this time the apology is as formal as you can get. It’s a sentence used to apologize to customers or superiors about really big mistakes. It’s fitting the context since he’s apologizing to the press and to society itself.

It makes sense he’s being formal here, he even shaved for the occasion.

It’s also worth to mention openly admitting his wrongdoing is a big deal in Japan. While he won’t face penal consequences for his sins, socially speaking he’s destroyed (as well as his family).

Hawks also will go with a formal apology.

‘Shazai mōshiagemasu’ 「謝罪申し上げます」 “I would like to apologize” [Chap 306]

It’s worth to mention that, while society thinks very poorly of Enji now… the way the manga presents it seems to imply society didn’t give a damn he abused of his family, their problem is such abuse resulted in them being ‘troubled’ and while not caring about Tōya can be in response to what Tōya did… what about poor Shōto? Tōya made clear he also was abused.

Enji’s arc likely is meant to parallel society’s arc. Because society was selfish, set in motion the chain of events that lead people like Tenko, Himiko, Jin and Tōya became Villains and now society is also paying the price and trying to deflect the blame solely on the Heroes. But again, that’s something for another meta.

Again to Enji we go and to how he gets here comes another wake up call.

A journalist also makes a point of how the past never dies.

She tells them than saying sorry doesn’t change the situation they’re in and that they can’t just stand there and pretend like it’s all over, that while Villains are to blame, they too share a responsibility.

‘“Subete jijitsudejita sumimasen” ja torikaeshinotsukanai jitaina ndesu yo’ 「『全て事実でじたすみません』じゃ取り返しのつかないじたいなんですよ」 “You just saying ‘It’s all true, sorry’ isn’t going to make it undone” [Chap 306]

Yes, she downgraded his formal apology to a mere ‘sumimasen’ to better drive home how little heartfelt it felt to her, how it just felt like a formality.

Enji asks her if, were they to show their pain, exhaustion and tears, this would fix things, which only enrage the journalist because of course it wouldn’t be enough.

Remember the whole atonement path?

Step 2 is realizing you did something wrong, step 3 is to regret it but then there’s a step 4. Step 4 is to start working on fixing things.

The journalist was accusing Enji to be at step 2, he’s aware he has done something bad and had wronged ‘society’ (as said before society don’t give a damn about how Enji has wronged his family), if he had also shown regret he would have been at step 3 but, according to her, he’s not, which meant he won’t move to step 4, which is the one in which he fixes things. Only with step 4 he can atone, just feeling sorry is mandatory but nowhere near enough.

And here however comes a problem, Horikoshi subtly remarks how this is bringing Enji away from atoning to his family.

The journalist starts to point out what he should do to atone to the people, only to pause in mid sentence as she realizes that, by asking him to take down every Villain, she’s asking him to take down his son.

‘Teki (read: Villain) o zenbu katadzukeru sore ga…’ 「敵 (ヴィラン)を全部片付けるそれが…」 “Get rid of all the enemies (read: Villains), that’s how…” [Chap 306]

‘Katadzukeru’ (片付ける) can imply that, in order to get rid of the Villains, Enji has to kill all the Villains. Note that in the past it was said that Heroes shouldn’t kill, and Hawks had to apologize for killing Twice… but now the public rage feels they’re entitled to be above such rules. They were wronged and they want blood… same as the Villains.

It was the point that Shigaraki made when he fought against Endeavor. Because he was rejected, he rejects. Because he was hurt, he hurts. It’s a vicious cycle. It’s what Tōya is doing. It’s what society wants to do. Again, on this too, we could write meta.

For now let’s only remark that, if Enji were to take down his son, he wouldn’t get to atone to him.

So the narrative calls Enji to a choice… but he doesn’t even realize it.

In fact, here he should decide if he wants to atone to Tōya, whom he had wronged, or society, whom he also had wronged.

Enji chose to be Endeavor and atone to society… but it’s not really a choice because he hadn’t truly grasped yet Tōya is HIS VICTIM and he has to atone to him too.

In fact later, fighting All for One, Enji will say his mistakes took form of Tōya… but Tōya isn’t a personification for his mistakes, he’s a real person he hurts and who’s now trying to retaliate.

His wish to look at Tōya after the war has ended, isn’t related to finally give his son the attention he emotionally always needed and asked, but to look after him to stop him from making mistakes/causing harm to the people. He’s planning to look after Tōya, not at Tōya.

Doing so is still part of his atoning to society, to make sure his son won’t cause further harm to it. And he’ll do this later, because he still first prioritize his Hero work… because his regret is very much focused on what his actions had caused to befall on society on how his son is a mass murderer now, which causes harm to society.

Let’s make clear Enji doesn’t want to kill Tōya, he has made clear he can’t when he woke up in the hospital, Tōya, to him, is not like Shigaraki whom he wanted to kill (despite how Heroes shouldn’t kill) and for whom he had no sympathy whatsoever. Tōya is still his son.

But he’s still not at the point in which he has realized he has to apologize to Tōya because he has hurt him, for now he’s just thinking he mismanaged the situation and seeing Tōya as an extension of himself same way as he saw Shōto. To him, they’re both his creations, Shōto exists to defeat All Might, Tōya exists as personification of his mistakes.

Ironically the chapters in which the Todoroki family past was told were called “The wrong way to put out a fire” in English, but in Japanese they are ‘Hi no fushimatsu’ (火の不始末) which can be more literally translated as “mismanagement/careless handling of fire” (it generally implied in ‘putting it out’) with ‘fushimatsu’ meaning “omission”, “failure”, “incompleteness”, “irregularity”, “mismanagement”. “misconduct”, “malpractice”, “carelessness”, “wastefulness”.

And this is what Enji felt he did, he messed up, he handled things badly. He’s not quite thinking at the hurt he caused to his son, he’ll still need some time to figure that out.

Due to all this, Enji’s redemption to society take priority, in Enji’s eyes, to his redemption to his family. Enji has to put society at ease, he has to redeem himself in society’s eyes by saving society… society needs to be saved for them to live… and everyone, his family, the other Heroes, are pressuring him to do just that… and so, in a way, his redemption arc to his family stagnate. He returns to prioritizing his Hero job… and doesn’t even realize that his redemption arc toward his family is being postponed. He isn’t yet at step 2 of his redemption to his family yet. Even Tōya realizes it (and it's interesting how we aren't shown his eyes as he speaks).

‘…Ijime tarinakatta ka a kuku…’ 「…虐め足りなかったかあクク…」 “…the bullying/tormenting wasn’t enough? Heh heh…” [Chap 306]

No, it wasn’t enough to make him empathize with the pain Tōya (or his family) went through.

Enji is sorry. For himself. Really, really sorry. But he’s not yet sorry for his son, for his family… possibly not even for society. He knows he messed up. But he’s still doing this because it’s his duty.

But we’re getting close because now he’s left experiencing what it feels like to be miserable, to be rejected, to be cut out from society, to have failed completely and utterly.

“Boku no hero academia” doesn’t explore it much, possibly because for Japanese people this is a given or because this is an optimistic story aimed at young audience, or because the editor just didn’t want to show one of the Heroes having it too bad, but I can recommend you a good SEINEN manga (remember, seinen manga are targeted at male audiences aged 18 to 40, if you’re younger they’re not for you!) “Theseus no fune” (テセウスの船 ‘Theseus’ ship’) which will show you how ‘kind’ Japanese society is with the family of a man who’s accused of having poisoned 20 people.

His family, his children included, is forced to live in shame, they can’t show happiness or pain in public, they’ve to live hiding their identity, if people find out who they are, they’re bashed, hated, avoided, bullied, they’ve to move away from their house and workplace/school, constantly apologizing. One of the man’s child, who wasn’t even born yet when the crime was committed, managed to get married but his wife’s family refuses to see him. He can’t become a teacher, he has to wear a mask to hide his face at work and avoid people the best he can so they won’t discover his identity and he learns from his mother that when she had to give birth to him hospitals didn’t want to take her in because she was the wife of a murderer.

So yeah, Enji and his family supposedly aren’t really having a nice time, which is hinted also when Tōya asked Shōto how was he when he was being holed up in U.A. after the truth about Endeavor was revealed. Tōya expected people to reject him as he were Endeavor’s son and Dabi’s brother.

However supposedly people in the shelter at U.A. and Shōto’s classmates are all nice with him and no one apparently harassed Rei, Fuyumi and Natsuo… or if they did it was never shown.

We see Enji has it a little worse as, while he’s on work, the people he just protected rejects him but again, the manga doesn’t focus much on this and he has his family’s support as well as the one of all the other Heroes so… he’s not having it as bad as one would expect, at least not visually.

Logically he should have it really bad… but the story prefers to focus on how nice people at U.A. and Heroes are which is… a choice.

Anyway, back to Enji, that’s why he comes to the battlefield completely unprepared to face his son, why he hadn’t thought of anything to say to him. Because he still hadn’t grasped Tōya is also a victim to whom he should atone… nor he has really grasped his family’s feelings.

In fact we saw how, although Shōto has agreed to work with him to stop Tōya, prior to the start of the war, Enji cuts communications with him and goes with Midoriya and Hawks on a Team Up mission.

When confronted by Shōto, he claims that Shōto wanting to help him to stop Tōya meant a lot TO HIM and that FOR HIM is enough, and Shōto is forced to point out Enji is again cutting him from the equation and focusing to himself. To Shōto the whole thing means nothing if Enji doesn’t act on it, if Enji ignores him. Enji has again not considered his feelings, has again ignored his family.

Shōto has to remind him again they’ve to stop Tōya TOGETHER.

And then the Heroes are ready for the war to start… and it’s decided Endeavor will be put against All for One while Shōto will have to face his brother... which isn’t exactly how many expected them to stop Tōya TOGETHER, even if yes, putting an end to All for One can be seen as a way to stop Tōya too as he could end up being affected by the consequences of All for One’s fall… but well… it’s a huge stretch.

More than them stopping Tōya together it’s just they happen to be together in the war.

Credits when it’s due, Enji will phone to Shōto suggesting they should switch, that he should be the one to face Tōya but Shōto refuses and encourages him again to act as the Hero Endeavor and stop All for One, not as Todoroki Enji, while he’ll act as the Hero Shōto and stop Dabi.

Now no, I’m not saying this to blame Shōto.

Shōto’s situation is very different from Enji’s, he did nothing wrong, he’s a victim and he’s trying to do his best and help people as well as doing his duty as Hero. He doesn’t have to atone to his brother.

Sending his father to face his brother would have been psychologically much easier for Shōto, because it pains him a lot to face his brother. All for One calls this cruel against Shōto and abuse against Tōya.

'Soreni mottomo zankoku na saihaida to omou ze?' 「それに…最も残酷な采配だと思うぜ？」 "In addition… Don’t you think this is the most cruel arrangement?"

'Tsurai tachiba no masshi ni shirinugui o oshitsuke' 「辛い立場の末子に尻拭いを押し付け」 "You forced your youngest son, who was in a difficult situation, to wipe your butt."

'Kare (read: chōnan) e no gyakutai o tsudzukeru to wa!' 「彼（長男）への虐待を続けるとは！」 "And continued to abuse that person (read: your eldest son)!" [Chap 345]

‘Zankoku’ (残酷) which means “cruel” should be a well known word due to the famous song theme “Zankoku na tenshi no these” (残酷な天使のテーゼ)

‘Shirinugui’ (尻拭い) litterally means “to wipe your butt” but yes, it can be used to mean “clean up for someone else’s mistakes”.

‘Gyakutai’ (虐待) can mean “Abuse”, “mistreatment”, “Cruelty”. “Child abuse” in Japanese is ‘Jidō gyakutai’ (児童虐待), just to give you an idea of how serious the accuse is.

Long story short, what Tōya is doing is the result of Enji’s actions so Enji should have been the one to deal with it, not again push the work on Shōto.

But from a Hero’s point of view, this is the best plan, they pin the strongest Hero against the strongest Villain. Putting Endeavor against Dabi, after seeing how he froze the last time and how he declares he wants to atone to his family, risks for that battle to get lost, Hawks can see this, can see there’s the risk Enji will figure out he should atone to his son too and therefore wouldn’t be able to fight him.

Shōto, on the other side, in addition to being strong and having a move that supposedly can counter Dabi’s fire, has no debts toward him. The way the Heroes see it, Shōto did nothing wrong against Dabi because he basically didn’t even interact with him and also, due to this, his family ties with Dabi feel weak. He can fight him without freezing up, especially since, from Shōto and the Heroes’ perspective, it’s Dabi who’s wronging him, making Shōto Dabi’s victim and therefore giving Shōto an incentive to fight back.

It’s a good battle strategy but it grabs Enji’s atonement arc and throws it into the recycle bin for the sake of winning the battle.

It asks Enji to prioritize being a Hero in the Hero world and neglect both his children. Shōto accepts it as his duty as Hero but this doesn’t make the matter less unfair to him as a son. Tōya of course, has no duty to accept it, it only makes him more enraged.

And so, instead than focusing on his atonement arc toward his family, Enji focuses on his atonement arc toward the people as Endeavor and fights All for One.

It’s not all lost though, there’s conflict in him, sadly it’s not Luke Skywalker who tells him “Search your feelings, father. You can't do this. I feel the conflict within you. Let go of your hate,” but All for One and let’s make it clear, All for One isn’t interested in helping Enji to atone… All for One is the palptine, the Emperor of the story, he’s interested in leading Enji to step 2, for the mere fact that this would shift Enji’s attention on the pain and regret for what he did and make easier for him to defeat Enji.

So All for One continues on hammering on it, on how Enji hurt his children, and reveals another of Enji’s failures, because Enji didn’t go to Sekoto Peak it was him who found Tōya.

What happens later is interesting.

All for One manages to deliver a good blow and Enji has an inner monologue with his younger self who… basically tells him he’ll never improve but that has to go on doing what he has always done, what has kept him alive, struggling against his weakness, to keep on raging.

It sets Enji in full Endeavor’s mode as the first thing he says is that putting an end to the fight is his duty.

He acknowledges some unpleasant truth like how, as Tōya said, the past never dies. He can’t just tell hurt people to move on.

He acknowledges that he’s the cause of many stolen futures… but he’s still not really focusing to his family in this. He thinks that his mistakes took form as Tōya and this lead to so many stolen futures, because he now acknowledges he’s the cause why Tōya did that…

‘Ore no ayamachi ga Tōya no sugata to nari’ 俺の過ちが燈矢の姿となり “My mistakes took the appearance of Tōya”

‘Ooku no hito no mirai wo ubatta’ 多くの人の未来を奪った “And stole many people’s futures.” [Chap 357]

… but he’s more focused on playing penance to society than to his son and it’s in this vein he claims he’ll continue watching Tōya.

‘Batsu wa ore ga uke tsudzukeru…!’ 「罰は俺が受け続ける…！」 “I will continue take punishment/being punished…!”

‘Katte Tōya wo mi tsudzukeru!’ 「勝って燈矢を見続ける！」 “I will win, and I will continue watching Tōya!” [Chap 357]

His idea that he’ll win this and after will keep his eyes on Tōya is not something he plans to do for Tōya. It’s for society so that it will have a path toward the future. It’s Endeavor’s atonement to society.

His keeping his eyes on Tōya doesn’t mean finally giving his son the attention he demanded, means to finally taking responsibility for him, keeping him from harming himself or the others as he hadn’t done when Tōya was younger.

It misses the part of the point of why he��s to blame for not watching Tōya when Tōya was a kid, not just because as a result Tōya got physically hurt, but because he got emotionally hurt by his neglect. Tōya isn’t doing all this because he got burnt, but because he got neglected.

However Enji hasn’t realized this yet and, in fact, when Enji finds himself face to face with Tōya and tells himself this time he’ll look at him…

‘Shimei…’ 使命… “My mission…”

‘Kondo wa ore ga miru’ 今度は俺が見る “This time I will watch you.” [Chap 376]

…and what he does after?

He doesn’t confront him on the hurt he caused him, he doesn’t apologize, he worries Tōya might have hurt Shōto and then drags him away so that Tōya won’t manage to hurt others.

And yeah, he’s clearly not trying to atone to him.

However, while many saw this as Enji saying one thing and doing another because it seemed he was escaping from the duty of looking at his son, this is actually what he’s doing, he’s making sure his son won’t hurt people. He’s trying to look after him… but he’s not looking at him.

He’s taking care of his mission, protecting people. And yes, he’s also doing one of his duties as a father, not taking care of his child but being responsible for his child’s actions, making sure they won’t hurt anyone. That’s why the tagline of that chapter in the magazine version says:

‘Chichi ni kasareta no wa…’ 父に課されたのは… “What the father was tasked/imposed with…” [Chap 376]

In a redemption arc atonement and redemption aren’t the task of the day, something others push on you. They’re your choice, your decision. No one can force you to redeem. You either decide for it or don’t.

We all were thinking now Enji would look at Tōya the way Tōya wanted, but that’s not the plan. Enji isn’t going to be there for Tōya like Tōya wanted… he’s going to act in a way that will stop Tōya from hurting others.

So Enji escapes to lead Tōya away from the others, so as to stop the incarnation of his mistakes from stealing other futures.

And it turns out this isn’t enough because Tōya is going to explode and when he’ll do… he’ll take so many lives with him. Tōya promised him he would try to take away from him what Enji tried to protect, that he’ll take away from him what Enji deemed precious in retaliation, and boy, he’s going to do it in a litteral blast.

And so Enji has to face his son… and in a way he really faces him as, although Tōya is in a terrible state, when Enji watches him all he sees is young Tōya smiling and asking him to watch him show him what he now can do.

It’s now he’s starting to reach step 2, because now he’s not seeing Tōya as a personification of his mistakes, but as his child… and tells him to stop because he doesn’t want HIM to die.

And it’s when Enji realizes Tōya has inherited Rei’s Quirk as well that Enji finally, FINALLY has his epiphany. [Chap 387]

This was what he wanted, a child with a superior fire Quirk and Rei’s Quirk to cool it down... and he got it, in a horribly warped way. The visual shows him thinking back to all he did that lead him to this moment, to have his wish fulfilled in such a distorted way, included his promise to ‘win and then watch over Tōya’.

Only now that he has finally connected all the dots and realized how much he hurt his son, he’s ready to finally watch him the way Tōya wanted.

AND YEAH! THAT’S STEP TWO! TOOK US A LOT OF TIME!

So finally…

2) Due to some circumstances Character A realizes what an horrible thing/things he did.

The visual is symbolic, Tōya had asked Enji to dance with him in hell, and now Enji is doing it. He’s with him in hell, he understands his pain and understands he’s the cause of it.

In fact it’s no more child Tōya he’s seeing, it’s the Tōya who told him to dance with him and Enji now is willing to do it

Enji finally answers to his son’s needs, takes full responsibility for what he did to Tōya. Finally he sees him, he sees the hell in which Tōya is, finally he’s with him like Tōya wanted, like Tōya needed.

‘Zenbu ore no sekinin da’ 「全部俺の責任だ」 “Everything is my fault/responsibility.” [Chap 387]

And with step 2 comes step 3.

3) Character A comes to genuinely regret his actions, they plague him, he’ll ABSOLUTELY have to either fix things or make up for them because he can’t bear living otherwise, it’ll always gnaw at him.

Enji goes through his original plan, bear the burden of the responsibility and live his life atoning (to society).

He goes on pointing out how Tōya had been watching him for all this time… even if it was painful, even if Enji wasn’t watching him back… while Enji didn’t watch him back so as to spare himself from facing responsibility, from facing pain.

‘Zenbu seotte tsugunai ni ikineba to omotte ita’ 「全部背負って償いに生きねばと思っていた」 “I thought I had to shoulder everything and live my life making amends.”

‘Demo omae wa zutto ore wo mitsudzuketetanda mon na…’ 「でもおまえはずっと俺を見続けてたんだもんな…」 “But you were always keeping on looking at me…”

‘Omae wo mite yarenakatta…’ 「おまえを見てやれなかった…」 “I couldn’t look at you…”

‘Omae ni mo tsugunawanakya ikenakattanda’ 「おまえにも償わなきゃいけなかったんだ」 “I have to make amends to you, too.” [Chap 387]

He can’t atone solely to society, he must atone to his son as well.

His dream of him never being at the table with his family comes to his mind. While in a way he accepts to make it become true… he accepts he won’t sit at the table with them… at the same time this time this time he won’t leave one of his family members alone, he won’t leave Tōya alone.

4) Character A starts to put all his efforts into atoning one way or another.

I’m not sure if, at that point, the explosion could have been avoided had Enji killed Tōya, but he’s not considering it because he won’t let his son die alone. He’ll die with him but in a way that won’t drag others with them. He thinks if they’ll go high in the sky the others won’t be caught up in the blast. Note that Tōya’s heat is so high it’s burning him but he’s not letting go of him.

Through the whole story, even when it was at his lowest, Enji has never thought to die, he always thought he would atone and keep living… this is also why Tōya said the bullying wasn’t enough, because his father never became as suicidal as him, and despite everything not even ‘Endeavor’, his Hero persona, died... but, after all, Enji’s whole start was that he didn’t want to end up like his father and die so he has a strong attachment to life… but now he’s accepting it. He’ll die with his son so as not to let him alone. It’s what Tōya asked him to do in a way.

But then Rei joins them and she immediately starts by apologizing to Tōya… as well as trying to cool him down. If Enji was ready to die with him… Rei, and then the rest of his children, will try to make their hardest to save them (and the rest of Japan from Tōya’s explosion) using their ice Quirk, a Quirk Enji always judged inferior to his fire Quirk which now is completely useless.

Enji can’t do nothing at this point, he can’t even bring Tōya up high in the sky, it’s too late for that, he can only beg Tōya, saying no one else has to die, just his life should be enough.

‘Mou… tanomu kara…ore dake ni shitekure…’ 「もう…頼むから…俺だけにしてくれ…」 “Now… I'm begging you… only me, please” [Chap 388]

Though Tōya’s mind seems to be partially gone, he’s aware enough for the first time everyone is paying him attention… and can’t understand why, if it was such a simple things, they hadn’t done it sooner. Now it’s too late, he’s about to explode and drag his whole family with himself.

But then Shōto, with the ice Quirk Enji only wanted him to have to cool down his fire Quirk, joins them and saves the day… yet he remarks in terms of sheer firepower, his own wouldn’t have been enough if he hadn’t added it to the one of his family members, rejecting the idea he was the masterpiece creation Enji wanted… remarking again how everything Enji did and believed, even in terms of Quirks and masterpieces and strength was wrong.

Meanwhile Tōya informs everyone this isn’t enough to soothe his hurt, that he still hates them all and himself as well and wants them all to die.

And, despite having to crawl to do so, Enji reaches him, rests his hand on him and apologizes to him.

‘…Tōya…! Warukatta… Sekoto-take ikanakute…gomen na…!!’ 「…燈矢…！悪かった…瀬古杜岳行かなくて…ごめんな…‼」 “…Tōya…! It was my bad... For not coming to Sekoto Peak…I’m sorry…!!” [Chap 390]

Remember Enji’s various apologies to his family?

We had an ‘imamade sumanakatta’ (今まですまなかった) said to Fuyumi, that was just a pro forma, then a ‘warukatta’ (悪かった) said to Natsuo, that was a really light way to admit it was his fault, then he went for ‘Suman… hontō ni… sumanai. Suman…’ (すまん…本当に…すまないすまん…) which better expressed how sorry he was.

Now… now he starts again with ‘warukatta’… but then he uses ‘gomen na’ (ごめんな).

‘Gomen na’ (ごめんな) is the informal/contracted version of ‘gomen nasai’ (ごめんなさい/御免なさい)” which comes from the verb ‘mensuru’ (免ずる) “To forgive” in its imperative form at which is added the honorific prefix ‘go’ (御) “Honorable”.

This is the apology you use when you really do something wrong, something you weren’t allowed to do, and asks for forgiveness, although you’re meant to use it only with people you’re close with like family and friends (for people you’re not close with use Endeavor or Hawks’ apology).

Basically Enji is begging his son and his family to forgive him with this ‘I’m sorry’ because he’s finally acknowledging he didn’t just ‘wronged them’, he is understanding how badly he wronged them and is so very sorry about it.

Basically previously Enji finally took seriously the consequences of his actions, but he still doesn’t quite grasp how much at fault he was, how much he hurt others. Now he does. He didn’t just troubled them, he hurt them and even if it happened in the past they still carry the psychological consequences of it and might carry them for the rest of their lives if he doesn’t manage to atone to them properly.

And when Tōya doesn’t just forgive him but professes his hate for him, he accepts this, he respect his son’s feelings and doesn’t try to escape to it. He tells Tōya to tell him more. This time he’ll listen, he’ll be there even if it’s painful for him, because saying all that IS GOOD FOR TŌYA.

And, since he’s at it, he apologizes also to his whole family and it’s all ‘gomen na’ (ごめんな).

Yes, it’s not a great apology speech, not to Tōya nor to the rest of the family. There are plenty of ways he wronged them but he’s picking one for each of them… and my poor Shōto gets solely a sorry without him even picking a thing for Shōto.

But, credits when it’s due, he’s not in the best physical situation and the real core of the apology isn’t that it’s a literary masterpiece… it’s that this time IT’S FINALLY HEARTFELT. This time he’s genuinely sorry for causing pain TO THEM, not for himself but FOR THEM, this time he wants to soothe their hurt that’s why he’s saying he’s sorry.

He doesn’t expect them to comfort him, he is fine if they toss hurtfull words at him, acutally he asks for them, to tell him how they feel, because he wants to make them feel better.

Yes, he still has a long way to go but he’s finally there, he’s finally ready to do all he can to have his family forgive him, even if he has to crawl, even if he has to face pain physical and psychological, because he’s sorry he has hurt THEM and wants THEM to feel better and that’s exactly the whole point of atoning.

You wants to ‘save’ the others from the pain you inflicted them.

However, at this point in the manga… we might never get to see step 5 because we likely will never see the end of step 4. Enji will have to work for his atonement, to get his family to forgive him… not because it’ll make him feel better, but because it’ll make them feel better.

The story will probably end with the promise he’ll work in this direction and, since this is an optimistic story, the idea is, of course, that he’ll manage to atone eventually, that he’ll manage to do enough for his family to fix all his wrongdoing. We’ll probably be asked to just… believe he’ll do it instead than seeing it, and the most we’ll get will be at most a flash forward showing him finishing to do so, having done so.

So yes, in a way we were right and in a way we were tricked. We were right into thinking the redemption arc was unsatisfying because we were tricked into thinking we were watching a redemption arc coming to full course, when instead Enji’s arc was not about redeeming himself but about coming to the point in which he could start working to redeem himself, the point in which he would genuinely understand his wrongdoings, the consequences they had and feel sorry for someone else that’s not him.

He created his family to basically take care of his needs, but now he’s finally ready to be the one who’ll take care of his family’s needs. He’s ready to be a father. He’s ready to try to work to deserve to sit at that table with his family and be happy for simple things with them. It took him a long time but finally he managed to work in the right direction.

At least… that’s my interpretation of his arc. As I’m not Horikoshi I might, of course, be wrong.

Said all this, thank you for sitting with me in this long analysis.

[happilychaengs]

Anonymous requested: Can u please make a sahyo one shot related to the song "I can be a better boyfriend than him" THANK YOU SO MUCHHHHH!!!!

'I can be a better boyfriend than him'

a/n: do not let the image fool you. i did not write smut. also this is my first member x member fic so... idk what i wrote honestly.

tw: more suggestive than fluff imo. IS THIS EVEN FLUFF? GOD.

word count: 502

fluff, suggestive

park jihyo x minatozaki sana

jihyo was disappointed in herself. for not noticing sana sooner, because she loved her. well, as much as someone can love someone when they're already taken but maybe the opportunity presents itself again.

jihyo took a quick sip from her cup, the rest of the people blurring into one as she notices sana, standing alone in the crowd looking so beautiful while doing nothing at all. she stood there staring at her phone, impatiently tapping her foot with her jet black hair running down her back, her black crop top slightly falling off her shoulders, enough to make anyone insane.

what kind of fool would leave a girl like her alone at this party? they're just going to be taken home by someone else.

jihyo took it in stride as she not so subtly walked towards sana, tossing her cup in the trash. she ignored all the signals in her body telling her to leave as the words fly out of her mouth.

"i can be a better boyfriend than he is."

sana's eyes widen as she looks up at jihyo, her dewy eyes now so surprised. "i'm sorry, what?"

jihyo's body inches ever closer to hers, her eyes never straying from sana's. her voice is and low, husky. "i don't know why he'd leave you alone on the dance floor. you're too beautiful for that."

sana's breath hitched as her cheeks become a deep shade of pink, "what... don't say that..."

"why? it's true." jihyo almost doesn't know what to do with her hands as she so very cautiously places them on sana's hip; the music beginning to change to a different song. a more sensual one. sana's face becomes a beet red but she doesn't push her away. she moves them further down.

jihyo smirks, pulling sana closer to her body, whispering into her ear. "did you secretly want this? does your boyfriend not make you feel this way like i do? because i'm sure i can do all the things he can't."

sana's breaths are deep and heavy as she stared up at jihyo, sana's eyes filled with as much lust and desire as her. "can we... leave?"

"whatever you want."

-

sana's hands roam all across jihyo's back, her kisses needy as jihyo's back is pushed to the door of her car. sana's lips break apart from hers, her light breaths visible in the cold night. her voice is even lower as her hands dig deeper into jihyo's shirt, clumping bunches together.

"my place is just around the corner."

jihyo nods as she opens the car doors for the both of them, quickly driving off. sana's hand ontop of hers as she shifts gears, hitting the gas and quickly driving off.

sana's phone buzzes on the dashboard, a notification popping up.

'where are you?'

but all sana does is scoff, rolling her eyes and turning off her phone. jihyo smiles to herself as she hears the next few words escaping sana's mouth. "i'm breaking up with him after this."

[shhh-secret-time]

Seasons Change to Something Cold

"Run away, run away and let go; you're carrying too much. You'll break under all the weight."

Prologue

It started when he was ten. Or maybe before that, and he just can't really seem to remember, but does anyone when they open their eyes for the first time? Waking up to a world that greets you with dim colors, colors that seem to fade in and out like the seasons. But if you're anything like he is, then colors don't pop like they should. Everything is dull like a filter over his eyes he can't peel off. Maybe that was a common way to describe it, but there had to be a reason why so many people said the same thing.

Dull. That word popped up so much that it was starting to lose its weight. Even he had to admit he used it too many times in his songs or the little poems he secretly wrote in the back of his warped composition notebook. But how else was he supposed to describe it? Why fix something that's not broken, right?

It started when he was sixteen. Cheap whiskey and crumbled cigarettes coursing through his body; hazy nights lost in the bottom of some backwashed alcohol. Waking up in the back of his truck with a few missed calls from his mother or sister, never his father, wondering where he was and if he was safe. That's when the texts asking him if he was alright turned into ones telling him to get his shit together.

Or maybe it started with the farm. Screaming matches between his father getting louder and louder he swore someone in town was bound to hear them. Where the bags under his eyes got heavier and his mind got louder, so loud that even his music couldn't drown out the thoughts. Some nights it was lying on the floor of the bathroom trying not to vomit the cheap gas station food as it battled the alcohol in his stomach. Some nights it was him curled up in bed trying to find a reason to get up and do anything besides doom scrolling on his phone.

What he would have given to just go outside with his friends and get the rush of doing something. Anything. Instead of watching some stranger on his phone, do it. Like he was trying to squeeze that feeling out of the little box in his hands. Instead of sunlight, he'd settle for the screen's light in a dark room. His only saving grace was his guitar and his poetry. It felt like the only thing that got him through it some days. That’s when the fog would lift, and the seasons would change into something warmer. Where he'd pick his pen and create, his addiction turning into creation. The guitar strings digging into his fingertips would ground him and bring the color back for a little bit.

It started last month. He finally pulled himself out of bed. Talked to someone outside of class or one of the million parties he showed up to. It was Michael, someone he hadn't put merit in since middle school, the two sitting behind the school wasting time and probably years off his lifespan with a cigarette. Michael was the only one he really showed any of his poetry too, the two sitting in silence as he flipped through the book. Smoke billowing from his lips catching the light of the early sun and disappearing up into the clouds.

"It's good. Maybe a little rough around certain parts, but I get what you're trying to say." Michael pulled the cigarette from his lips and in between his fingers, giving it a new home. He was getting at praising the things around him, something that he grew into when he hit his senior year.

He didn't say anything as he rolled the cigarette between his lips, focusing on the burn in the back of his throat. He didn't need it to be good. He just needed it...to be heard. Maybe he didn't believe Michael really understood what he was trying to say, but it felt good to hear.

"I think you need to talk to someone though." He turned towards the taller man as he stood up using his cane. The silver tip tapping the ground wordlessly asking him to take a step back and give him space.

"I didn't realize you cared." His joke falls flat.

Michael doesn't laugh. Doesn't give him that pity laugh or nervous chuckle others do when he tries to deflect. Not that the goth was known for his laughter to begin with. He liked that about him. He was real.

What he didn't like was the way the curly haired man stared him down and silently took another puff of his cigarette. It made his skin crawl as the silence crept back over the two, but it wasn't the one he liked. The kind of silence where two friends could just bask in each other's presence, the warmth of their bodies reminding each other that they were there. He hadn't had that kind of silence with anyone in a long time, but he felt something like that when Michael was reading his work.

"Stan. I'm not the type to give you a lecture, preach to you about how it gets better." Michael breaks the tension when he's decided Stan's had enough, "I don't make pretty speeches, so I'll just come out and say it. Get help, talk to someone about what's going on in your head."

Stan's jaw shifts as he blows smoke from his nose, his eyes immediately shooting towards the ground. "I didn't say I needed your advice. I just wanted you to read what I wrote." He grumbles.

"I don't care what you want. I do care about you though, as much as I can." Michael responds with a bored expression like the venom in Stan's tone didn't even touch him.

"What's that supposed to mean? Am I that hard to care about?"

"Sometimes, but it's not because I don't like you honestly. You're one of the few that don't drain me." Michael pauses in between snuffing the light out of his cigarette on the brick wall behind him, being careful not to put it out on some of the artwork. "It's because it's like you don't want people to care."

Stan scoffs and rolls his eyes; he's not taking pulls from his cigarette anymore so he can feel the wind brushing against his lips. The cold nipping against his skin reminding him that it's here. The seasons are changing again.

"At least that's what I got from your writing, now if I'm looking too much into it than that's that." Michael taps his cane against the dirty stone, brushing away some crumpled-up newspaper as he limps over towards him. "You could always tell me I'm wrong."

God does Stan want to, to tell him to shut up and to stop talking. The embarrassing memory of him losing his cool in middle school flooding back into his mind, he squeezes his eyes shut to try and blink the thought away. The thoughts clawing at his lips trying to push themselves out.

".... When I graduate, I'm leaving South Park. I'm getting out of this hellhole and finding another one to call my own." Stan looks up from his feet at him as he speaks, "I might not find anything but it's better than wishing I did. Find something Stan, do something instead of wishing you could." Michael goes to walk past him like he didn't just pierce through any wall Stan tried to put up, maybe his poetry got too much across.

Find something.

Fuck that. He didn't have the energy or the time to deal with that.

"Here." Michael presses a worn-out looking card in his palm. Stan looks down at the creases where it was folded and unfolded over and over again.

Some therapist's business card looked like a woman's name if Stan had to guess, the address and phone number written in small text. His brows furrow together, and suddenly everything feels too heavy again. He feels too tired to walk back to class or even try and eat lunch with his friends.

"Do it or don't, I can't control you, but I don't waste my energy on people I don't care about. I can just hope you'll be here when I come back one day."

And that was the last thing Michael ever said to him, the last time he smelled the clover cigarettes in the air. The last time he ever showed his writing to someone. Rumors floating around school that he just packed a bag and left in his hand me down car he got from his mother. He didn't even wait for the school year to be over he left exactly how Stan thought he would.

Now it starts here. With him staring out the window, wondering what exactly it was that Michael was going to find out there. Stan presses his lips into the palm of his hand, hiding behind the fingerless gloves. The card tucked away in his worn-out brown jacket with his other hand, palming the card repeatedly bending it over and over.

Prologue | 1 | 2

[pcril]

* ◟ : 〔 OLIVER JACKSON-COHEN , CIS MAN + HE / HIM 〕 MARCELLUS MEYER, some say you’re a THIRTY-SEVEN YEAR OLD lost soul among the neon lights. known for being both TENATIOUS and HEADSTRONG, one can’t help but think of MURDER ON THE DANCEFLOOR by SOPHIE ELLIS-BEXTOR when you walk by. are you still a CAPO / FORENSIC ARTIST at HANGING MAN / GOVERNMENT (?), even with your reputation as the THE OUROBOROS? i think we’ll be seeing more of you and REMORSE SEVERED BY ONE'S OWN HAND, FEELING THE WARMTH OF AN INFERNO BUT NOT THE PAIN, SINS OF GENERATIONS PAST STILL SEEK PENNACE, although we can’t help but think of CASSIAN (JOHN WICK 2), DUNCAN (POLAR), CHARLES SUN (THE BROTHERS SUN) whenever we see you down these rainy streets.

ENTER THE OUROBOROS.

You’ve overstayed your initial timeframe on these grounds. Every nook and cranny’s been memorized. Yet you still walk the streets as a stranger. The concept of settling in is always within reach, but you’ve long forgotten what having a home means. Though some broken part of you will always long for it. So you tell yourself you don’t mind the constant rain as compromise. When in reality you’ve always fucking hated it. The memories it digs up stings worse than broken glass underfoot. But you carry on. Keep your head held high, shoulders back, spine straight just like you’ve been taught.

PUBLICLY KNOWN FACTS:

Name: Marcellus Bas Meyer

Appearance: Not a day goes by where a single thing’s out of place. He dresses smart and sharp. Understands that appearances are a reflection of one’s self. While his morals may be skewed, he’s no slob. Stands straight and proper. Oftentimes there’s an unspoken commanding air about him.

It’s hard to get out of a life of crime when you’re born into it. Marcellus came to learn what the expectations were within his parent's organization relatively quick. His father was good with technology and his mother was good at breaking things. Bodies, finances, lives — so on and so forth, but Marcellus never had to worry about any of that. Not until later at least.

No one was surprised when Marcellus proved himself to be useful as a weapon. It was a family business after all, and he went through the years learning from his mistakes to proving people wrong. He might have seemed the type to be a one man team, but he had a few select people that he could call ‘friends’. All of which were at the top of their field. All of which that had crossed fire with each other since the world is coincidentally small.

His younger brother, Alan, had managed to stay separate from the the Meyer tradition. He was an outcast, essentially, but Marcellus always kept tabs on him. Still considered as his family — the only one he really cared for, really. He was one of the best hitmen within the family by the time his niece had been born. And though Marcellus never had any children of his own, he adored his brother’s small family.

Except his brother’s wife, Audrey, wasn’t exactly the doting wife everyone assumed. See, she came from a broken home where her father and sister had been taken away at the age of four. A gas leak and tragic house fire, the news said. Audrey and her mother survived because they ran out before they had inhaled too much smoke. Or that’s what Audrey's always been told.

Audrey’s mother did everything she could to keep her daughter safe, but her efforts fell short. An unfortunate robbery gone wrong was what the the news read when Audrey was twelve. Except nothing had been stolen besides her mother's life. And Audrey saw it. She saw Mrs. Meyer kill her mother from where she hid.

So Marcellus didn’t have to worry about the lives that his mother and father ruined until the day everything finally unveiled.

Dinner was held at his brother's place. There wasn’t a celebratory reason for them to get together or anything. Marcellus just so happened to be in the area that night, and dinner was wonderful, as always. All up to the point where Audrey pulled a gun out from the kitchen and shot both her husband and daughter pointblank. Marcellus was next in sight with the barrel aimed right as his head. He was told, right then and there, what happened. How the Meyers ruined Audrey’s life, and that she'd been consumed with grief and hatred all this time. How she'd been planning for this very moment for so long.

And he believed it.

He could tell from the look in her eyes that she spoke her truth. She had just killed her husband, the one man she had supposedly loved, and her very own child. Yet despite the sympathy he felt in that moment, it wasn’t enough for him to lay down for an easy kill. So they fought — both with the desperation to live. And in the end, Marcellus barely rose as the victor. He put two bullets into her head and stood there for awhile; numb down to the core. His brother’s house was set ablaze and he left without looking back.

WHAT'S BURIED UNDERNEATH .

HISTORY BEING WRITTEN .

From that point on, he's never been the same. He stuck with the business for a few years until the power dynamic shifted. Both of his parents were usurped, made an example of. But Marcellus? He'd been smarter than that. Skipped town, kept a low profile — even contemplated turning over a crimefree new leaf.

But old habits die hard.

Deep down he seeks the familiarity. It's all he's ever known. Now he’s under a different group but with the same purpose. Thus the viscous cycle continues.