#he represents another part of Thomas's brain

[part-time-zombie]

Ok I've either reached some sort of analytical epiphany here, or I fully fried my brain and I'm no longer making sense. Either way...

seven sides = seven deadly sins.

Roman = Pride.

Easy enough, he represents the ego and pride in a most literal sense (along with passion and creativity). A wound to his ego creates literal pain, and his reputation/role as a heroic prince means everything to him since his very existence is tied to being the "good" part of imagination.

Remus = Lust.

Another easy one, but I think it's more than just the dirty jokes here. It had been suggested before that since Remus represents all forbidden/unwanted thoughts that c!thomas rejected/repressed because he thought they were bad, there likely may have been a point where he was also his closeted homosexuality in the past.

Virgil = Sloth.

Procrastination is a common practice from Virgil, one he either unintentionally prompts or openly promotes. Anytime something stressful or challenging occurs, Virgil always seems to suggest inactivity and avoidance as the solution, preferring to hide from the issue altogether instead of making any effort into fixing it.

Orange = Wrath (?)

Not much is really known here, but from what we've seen so far it's fair to assume that anger is a driving force if not a direct role for the orange side, though future videos may provide more insight.

Janus = Greed.

Greed is a desire to collect and hoard material wealth/resources, with no intention of sharing or using it. It is innately selfish (and not always in a good way) and the way I feel this translates to Janus is by him wanting c!thomas to prioritize himself above all else, even if it involves letting others down. He wants Thomas to seek out the things he wants in life (like the callback) and to take it without feeling bad about choosing his own happiness. This isn't just for goals/achievements, though, he also wants thomas to save his free time/availability for himself without giving it out carelessly. It's as he said: "it's your time and you do what you want with it". He wants Thomas to remove the blindfold and take what he wants while he still can, before the opportunity is lost again.

Patton = Envy.

This one was a little tough, but I think I made it make sense (at least to me). Patton is Thomas' morality, something instilled in him by observing and imitating those around him. As such, Patton's ideals largely come from him comparing himself and Thomas to others. Sure, Thomas is good, but is he as good as someone else? Can be be better? Can he be perfect, and what counts as perfect to begin with? Patton is constantly looking to outside influences to determine what standards to set, which is why Janus managed to help get through to him when he needed guidance in pof. In a way, Patton is envious of others for them seemingly having gotten it all figured out and being effortlessly good (which is obviously ridiculous, but Patton may have had issues with realizing that).

Logan = Gluttony.

In all seriousness, though, this is about more than just crofters. Gluttony is an obsessive overindulgence of material pleasures and consuming more than is healthy. It differs from greed in that greed focuses on amassing wealth and holding onto it, while gluttony uses up everything it can as quickly as possible. How does that relate to Logan? Well, instead of simply associating this with jam or wine, I like to think he is gluttonous of c!thomas' time. He says he experiences a "titillating, tingling sensation whenever deadlines are met" and regularly tried to direct as much of the focus onto himself and his plans as possible, and becomes frustrated without having surplus time to work. It's not like that time is wasted, though. He does quite the opposite by trying to prioritize all of the time to what he wants, even when it's at a detriment to the others/thomas. He allotted only 0.5% of the day to hopes and dreams, insisting the rest of the day be spent as he pleases. Why? Because being prioritized means he's important and respected, which for him is like the best feeling in the world. And going by how eagerly he devours crofters or chugs wine, it's clear that anything he finds enjoyable will be immediately consumed.

[thecrescentmind]

I have decided to use this blog for general SaSi content along with ocs because reasons, will tag accordingly (TCM au posts will use the tags they’ve been using) so uh sanders sides swap au that’s been rotating in my brain for a while

No one swaps what they represent but they swap roles in the story more or less

Patton swaps with Janus, Roman swaps with Remus, and Logan swaps with an orange side I made up. Virgil is now the protagonist instead of c!Thomas but Thomas doesn’t really take Virgil’s role, I will explain how that works. (Under the cut cause this got very long)

This takes place in a universe where c!Thomas’ life went differently in a variety of ways that led his perception of what parts of him are good and what parts are bad to change very rapidly. I’m not sure how everything ended up the way it did exactly and in case I do end up doing things with this au I’m not going to reveal what I do have decided just yet. (I will say Thomas was unable to pursue his passions here and has a corporate job he hates which is kind of relevant) But whatever happened differently led to the worse parts of the canon light sides being emphasized and the better parts of the canon dark sides being emphasized. Eventually leading them to trade places in terms of how Thomas viewed them.

Sel (Janus. short for self perseverance or selfishness), Ideas (Remus), and Defense (Orange, he’s anger in this au btw) are aware of this, they know they weren’t meant to be in the positions they are, at least not like this. All of them are secretly terrified of losing the positions they’re in. Feelings (Patton), Pride (Roman), and Logic (you know who this is) are also aware of this, and it infuriates them. They were supposed to help Thomas, they want to help Thomas. They just want what’s best for him but for some reason he can’t see that. If they have to push things farther to get things how they should be then so be it.

Caution (Virgil) is a new side, the first they’ve had since Thomas was a kid/teen, he just got here and knows nothing about how things got the way they did. He decides to record his journey to find his place as a part of Thomas, and these vlogs are (for the most part) the pov we would see from.

This au has a bigger emphasis on the mindscape, it’s bigger and more complicated cause I thought it would be cool idk. Specifically it’s part of how Janus keeps the sides he wants repressed hidden. There are parts of the mindscape said to be unsafe that no one’s supposed to go into, Thomas doesn’t know why and when Caution shows up, neither does he. Thomas decides to sneak in one day (he’s more reckless here plus the idea of the supposedly dangerous and scary part of the mindscape always intrigued him) with Caution tagging behind him because if he can’t stop Thomas from acting like a dumb horror movie protagonist he might as well go with him to keep him safe.

What they find is actually a lot calmer than what they expected, maybe even less chaotic than what the rest of the mindscape can be at times. It’s nice but it almost seems fake, too perfect to be real. They look around until they. hear. something. Virgil gets them out of there before either of them can see if the ominous voice in the allegedly unsafe part of the mind is actually dangerous and upon returning get lectured by Janus. Virgil asks wtf that voice might’ve been, Janus says (lying) that he isn’t sure, maybe a monster, an illusion, nothing good that’s for sure. They walk away but Virgil stays by the entrance just a second longer than Thomas and Janus, for a second he sees something try to exit before being forced back inside.

It didn’t look like a monster or an illusion or whatever Janus said was in there though, it looked like another side. Of course the embodiment of anxiety overthinks this so eventually he decides to sneak back in there alone.

And then nothing bad happened to any of them ever (lie)

[murfpersonalblog]

“Nosferatu” Symbolism & Ending Explained - Book & Hearth

This is a fantastic video analysis by an IRL psychologist, occultist, and Romanian, so watch the whole thing! I wanted to highlight a few bits she discussed that I liked most, following my review of Nosferatu, and how much I liked the handling of mental illness and its depiction in a Gothic/Victorian setting.

Sex & Death 

One thing that I love about the vampire legend is how the meaning shifts with the times and the specific individual who created that piece of artwork. In Bram Stoker's original Dracula, The Vampire represented the fear of sexual promiscuity in a time of increasing bloodborne STDs, as well as the fear of predatory Eastern foreigners coming to ravage good Christian women. In Francis Ford Coppola's remake of Bram Stoker's Dracula, the vampire's meaning shifted a bit, to represent sexual temptation within a monogamous relationship. ...But in Robert Egger's Nosferatu, the vampire represents Death itself. Nosferatu's pull on Ellen reveals Ellen's pull towards death, as she becomes deeper and deeper entrenched into her Melancholia. (8:06 - 8:52)

Melancholia, Depression & Hysteria

Now, “melancholia” is just an old-timey word for Depression. it's the predecessor of depression from the Victorian era. In the beginning of the movie, it's hinted that Ellen has a history of melancholia, and Thomas dismisses her dreams of dread and urges her not to speak of these things out loud--which is pretty consistent with the reaction to Ellen's worsening mental health issues.

As the movie deepens, the reaction is to further constrict her emotions with corsets and bondage and to dope her up. It really shows how mental health issues were treated for women in the Victorian era: Keep it bottled up, or else Society is going to tire of you, and they might give you a lobotomy, they might drug you with opiates, they might bleed you, they might call you hysterical, they might lock you up in an insane asylum, they might give you a Hysterical Paroxysm (which was a doctor administered orgasm)--

--because you see, crazy women were seen as “hysterical,” from the Greek word hyster which meant womb--

--because “hysteria” was seen as being caused by a “wandering womb;” your womb wandering around in your belly. Hysteria is the predecessor of modern-day Histrionic Personality Disorder, which is a disorder characterized by excessive attention-seeking and interestingly: pseudo-seizures, which are seizures that are not caused by epileptic brain waves.... So it completely tracks that Ellen has both hysteria and seizures. (8:52 - 10:09)

...Later in the movie Ellen flatout says: “He [Orlock] is my Melancholy, and now he's discovered our marriage and come back.” Once, she was happy as a newlywed, but when her depression found out she was happy, he got jealous and he came back to end her happiness. We see how Thomas has to compete with Ellen's melancholia, her depression tells her that he's not good enough for her, that he gave up their nuptials for gold--which has a seed of truth, but also shows how depression can distort things and convince us that the people who love us don't actually love us. (10:22 - 10:48) 

...Life sometimes pushes people into the arms of depression. In the final scene, Ellen dresses up as a bride and she willingly prepares to meet Death... Depression is almost like a marriage to Death; and I wondered if the consummation of their marriage was a metaphor for suicide--giving into the melancholia, sacrificing herself to save the others from her depression. (11:00 - 11:22)

Shadow Self, and the Evil Within Us

Nosferatu is Ellen's [Jungian] Shadow.... We see when he's coming for her the shadow of Nosferatu's hand extending across the city, and Ellen asks the crucial question: "Does evil come from within us, or from beyond?” ...At another point in the movie somebody says: “We must discover evil within ourselves to defeat it;” which is essentially what Shadow Work is: uncovering these parts of ourselves that we've buried and deciding to look at them in the face. (13:12 - 14:09) 

....Nosferatu also takes place during Christmas, which is the darkest time of the year, but also the time of year when when Christ is born. And Nosferatu is the shadow of the Christ--the Antichrist. So, Nosferatu represents two things at once: both the demon within and also the demon externalized. (14:53 - 15:11)

[askylongingformemories]

1.Showdown On My Sombrero

A Sky Longing For Memories

   

"You have explicitly, expressed your contempt for me, You have got student loans to pay and can't risk alimony"

Nah, I am not writing a song lyrics, like I have even changed the first line cause even I am not interested in matrimony or stuff close to that, however the idea of ​​​​​​​​​having someone you like or can like, someone you can claim that when you go home you'll ask her out. Sometimes that someone can provide you a little hope and dream and a way to feel less miserable when you are suicidal. That sight of someone leaving actually hurts the most on the last day of school. Factually speaking I have got one more day to go to school as I have got an exam on 2nd April but its of a minor subject that only 25 out of 2-300 students had opted. So she'll not be coming . She has different subjects so she did not even come on 9th the day I saw most of my friends for last time. She has got an exam on 19th but I don't think I should go solely to meet her. After all I' ve got some self respect. Nah, actually I have not but I am haughty and if she was interested in me even half as much I was in her, she should have asked me out. I wouldn't have said no. Maybe. I wrote her messages. She didn't reply to any of them. None was informal, none was mentioning the sky I dream to go to with her. All were formal asking her to bring her books or whatever asking her to prepare for her part in the group activity we were in. Actually there were three of us and the other boy. Ah I so much love the classic love triangle .Thomas hardy wrote one with it- Far from the madding crowd.

"... and whenever I look up, there will be you."

She might be Everdene for me but I was none of her two lovers. I was the third wheel who watched all of it happen as if I had no say in the story-a proper NPC.A gal and a guy are talking in a room or in a walkway about physics ,chemistry or work .Suddenly a wild bidoof appears, and they stop talking, try to go away excuse themselves out. Bidoof texts the girl that he'll do this and that work and she'll do that work ,girl doesn't see even after being online. Sees it after a day, doesn't care to reply. Bidoof stops talking to her. Bidoof talks to the other guy who is a genuine friend and was a friend even before the gal arrived to know more about progress of work. The project is finished, group wins but gal talks and celebrates with guy. Bidoof also joins in. They talk for sometime. Go and collect award. Boy goes on to talk with other competitors and does no talk with team. Alpha male asks him to click his photos, he does but has no further talk. On the outset alpha is a general guy and bidoof has come to like him and respect him for he has also earned his place as one of the top 3 representing the school but so has bidof. Now what?

If you've been a third wheel before you know you are that bidoof. You are in team and you were critical at junctures , but no ONE cares. Actually one person cares and it's you Bidoof. MAKE SURE YOU DON'T CARE ANY LONGER , bidoof.

How do we fall in love-that would warrant another blog post. How love was manufacture d by durex to sell more condoms? And lawyers to make up reasons for women to marry men and take up half of their money when brain stops producing enough dopamine, oxytocin and like. And guys like Hardy and Dickens and Shaw and Shakespeare milked it to generate money. I might throw your pop musicians in as well for a good measure. Dylan, The Beatles, Cash, Smiths all talked of love even when they were in protest era, Even Vietnam vets CCR didn't shy from a song like that. And among fortunate son, Proud Mary and related stuff the most popular Creedence Clearwater Revival video is this one. Even most indie songs are of love as if you have nothing better to think about but about it, I'll talk next time. 

I'll come up with more stories about her and love is something that makes a man drunkard or author. I didn't get to experience any of it in high school so at least I got to write out a few stories of encounters I had with her to make up for lost time and opportunities to be happy

[ikura-wa-ikura]

Full Day off In Kyoto

We started the day by walking over to our tour! Thomas thought it would take 20 minutes, but it was actually a 30 minute walk. We did it in 25. (Very proud of Meaghan and her still sore calves.)

We met the tour group outside of a FamilyMart at a train station nearby. There was an older Australian couple, a younger couple from LA (an Israeli guy and a Chinese woman) and then a young American-born Japanese kid from Mystic, Connecticut. We made a quick stop all together to have miso ice cream. It was good!

We hiked into the back of the temple and it was actually trickier than I would’ve expected. This is a theme with Japanese hikes I’m learning. I tried to hang back and help the older folks with the slick and steep parts. They’re 78 and it was definitely a little scary for them. The first stop was the old shrine. It was beautiful, moss-covered and full of fox statues. It is less visited because of the newer shrines at the top.

From there we visited a bamboo forest. It smelled of fish — apparently from the rotting of the new bamboo shoots. After that it was a hefty hike up to the gates themselves. We got to skip a lot of the tourists going this way! We saw shrines to many different Shinto deities and prayed at a few of them. The number of gates was insane. Most are donated by local companies as a thank you for the prosperity they’ve received. There are fox statues everywhere as they represent those specific gods. The foxes will hold specific things in their mouth- a scroll to represent wisdom and knowledge, a ball to bring your wishes to the gods, a key to bring benefits down from the gods to the people and a rice place to represent good harvest and business.

We walked up and down the ridge line visiting the different god’s shrines, and then climbed back down into town and the main temple area. It was pretty packed by the time we were done. Me and Meag immediately jetted out of there in an Uber because we wanted to make it to the Nishki fish market. We got there and it was a long covered hallway setup, like a lot of neat places in Japan.

We were both hungry so we stopped at the first stall. Big ole plate of that fat assed toro. Fuck me up with a little octopus with a quail egg brain on a stick. What’s next? Mother fucking EEL baby. Little beers.

After that we kept swimming up stream. Our next step was a little food hall area. Tempura shrimp & eel, eel on skewers, and a little horse sushi. All good. All groovy.

Next we stopped in a little shop and bought a few condiments. One was a nice furikake mix, another was a spicy miso, and then a chili paste. While Meag did that, I went and bought us little rice cake donuts with apples and nuts.

We loved this, and did a bit more wandering in the alley before calling it for nap time. Back at the hotel Meag sawed logs and I logged time in our outdoor bathtub. A tight hour later we were good to go! But go where? Anywhere.

We strolled one way. Nothing. We strolled another way: shrines. Temples. Towers! Cheese filled pastries in the shape of 10 yen coins. They have it all here folks. I tried to snap a photo of some ceramic wall titties and was accosted by the titty owner, and had to pay 100 yen copyright fee.

Having wandered a lot of alleys, we dipped into a beautiful little cocktail bar for a drink. I had a Japanese whisky. Meag had a shisho gin and tonic. My next round was their matcha old fashioned, but Meag stopped the show with the parmagiano gin mare. It had little peppers, drops of olive oil and cheese shaved right into it. So tasty!

Sadly we had to take off for dinner at this point, but dinner was a stunner in what had been a series of stunner dinners. Our first round was a wonderful sashimi. Then a seared eel and bonito. He seared it directly on a charcoal! That was cool. After that we had some amazing wagyu served on a hot ass brick.

We also had a little crab salad (don’t eat the leaf, I ate the leaf.) We also had the most amazing skewer of eel over rice with a raw egg. Not to be defeated by the end of our omakase I ordered an uni sandwich. So much uni! It fell out and Meag and I had to scramble to put it back in.

The chef was incredible! He suggested his favorite sake. He shared a bottle of sparkling sake with us for our anniversary (always lie when booking reservations, you never know what you’ll get!). It was great. He was so kind and his food was so good. The center of his kitchen was a charcoal grill with three stations. To our left, a steamer. It steamed plates, rice and fish! To the center: a super hot grill. There’d he’d top off charcoal, or heat… bricks. Then to the right was his multi-level grill. He’d move items up and down depending on their done-ness.

All and all it was great. Then we went home and realized I left my camera so we want back, said hi again, and then left for real! It was a really great way to spend our last night in Kyoto.

This morning we packed, we ate tiny hotdogs and egg sandwiches and hopped on the bullet train back to Tokyo. Tonight we hope to check out the Deaf owned izakaya, do another omakase and check out a bar we’ve been wanting to see.

[rjalker]

Okay. Before I forget entirely.

My dream was this girl trapped in a time loop in a space station with:

her deadbeat dad

a girl she'd never met before that day named Shelly. Or maybe Shella. It was something with Shell-

her BFF, who used he/him and ne/nim pronouns and was wearing a shirt I absolutely am now required to make....His name might have been Matt? Max? ...I think it was Matt...?

some horseshoe-crab looking dead aliens

It was a weird time loop. Instead of only going for one day, it lasted like, one week to several months depending on what she did.

Over the course of the time loop, among other things:

She and Matt became BFFs with the Shelly

her relationship with her father only continued to get worse because he's a jackass

she learned how to disassemble almost every part of the space station to steal the scifi batteries to power her radio / flashlight / MP3 player,

She learned how to first dissect and then butcher the dead aliens, since parts of them were edible (Yes, she did learn the hard way which parts were not edible. It took a lot of sneaking around / convincing to make sure she was the one who ate the potentially-poisonous parts since no one believed her about the time loop)

Her name was.....kinda hard to remember her first first name. It was either Bethany, or Elizabeth. I think it was Bethany. I think her middle name was Ann. I don't know what her last name was.

A conversation with her father, who has just picked himself up off the floor after getting hit in the eye by part of the dead alien that reacts to pressure while dissecting it, so his left eye is stained red and puffy: "[insert whatever her dead name was here], will you stop goofing off and help us here!?"

(Matt has been standing off to the side for the whole show of her dad getting a black eye from a dead alien, going O: and trying not to laugh)

"My name is Bethany Thomas, dad, how many fucking times do I have to tell you?" She snapped. [this is in fact the first time in this loop she's told him but she forgot that part atm]

She turned to leave with Matt, only for her father to demand, sarcastically, "And which girl's last name have you taken to get rid of mine?"

[This was the part where dream-me, who apparently read the book this movie was based on, burst out laughing.]

She turned around to look at him like he'd sprouted three heads, once again forgetting she hadn't already told him this a million times. "Bethany Thomas is my first name." (Give her a break, she just got back from a five month span of time loop)

She and Matt left while her dad was just sputtering in rage and yelling that he's going to ground her and she better listen to him because he's her father and blah blah blah. Yeah literally no one but him thought that gave him any authority over her at all.

Anyways I mostly forget her explanation for why she chose her name, something about one of her friends calling her McKenzie as a joke, which morphed into "Mac Kelsie" and then she was like YKW, I do want two first names. And chose Bethany Thomas to represent her feminine and masculine sides.

Aslo there was another scene with Shelly trying to introduce herself to this girl she's never met before only for her to go !!!!!! "Hey Shelly! I'm so glad to see you OMG!!!!" and then she realizd "oh wait, this is the start of the time loop she doesn't know me yet" and she just kinda hunched in on herself and was like, "Oh, don't mind me, I died but I'm better now."

Shelly was like....okay....so what are you doing with that scanner? [taking out the battery for her radio/flashlight/mp3 player is the answer]

I don't know where my brain comes up with this stuff.

[hissesssss]

Ok so,,,,

Hello, that video was really something(something good don’t worry) and I have a few thoughts about it. First off though, I just want to say that I appreciate Thomas and the crew for talking about such an issue because as someone who deals with them as well, the way he explained and presented them was spot on and it was just really interesting seeing how he deals with them throughout the episode. So thank you, Thomas and crew, for talking about what so many of us have to deal with everyday.

Anyway, back to the episode,,,we have a new player in the game! The Duke, or Remus. Remus, who in myths, was said to be brother to Romulus and was killed by his brother so that Romulus could create Rome and rule it himself. And like,,,,what a fitting metaphor for him, especially with the repression of his really bad thoughts and the fact that Remus was essentially cast into the back of Thomas’s head until the Others were brought out. 

Speaking of the Others, I don’t know about you but Virgil being one of the Others(im capitalizing bc i like this name for them better than the Dark Sides) shook me to my core not because I wasn’t expecting it(let’s be real, if you are a Famder, you have read at least one theory or fic about Virgil being part of that group of Sides in Thomas’s brain) but because of the events prior. Virgil felt terrible for not being able to protect the Sides and Thomas from the Others and so he has this inner turmoil leading to him blocking out any and all instances of bad human I guess personality traits that might reveal those Sides to Thomas. Like, props to the writers for coming up with that, I am wowed.

Moving on, fucking Logan. Jeez, my love for him and his personality is never going to go down. He just went in, logic-ed his way out of the mess the Duke cause and was completely praised for it because he deserves ittttttt. I just feel like ever since the puppets and the crofters episode, he may have been getting a bit more agitated with the other Sides when they wouldn’t even consider his input until the situation became dire. But now they’re all taking a step back and understanding that he isn’t spouting bullshit and that calming down and thinking about the situation at hand for a bit is really the best solution to a problem. Ugh please give our logical boy all the love he deserves. He’s so cool.

That brings us to the other Sides though. Patton, oof, he’s been through a lot and as far as I could tell from previous episodes, there was a definite coddling of events from Patton. In fact, he was the one who always wanted to change the subject and talk about anything else besides the obvious problem at hand. Same with Virgil too. I feel so bad for him because of the Others popping out but at the same time, I have to agree with Thomas. Holding all of the burden so that the rest of the Sides don’t have to witness Thomas’s less pleasant parts helps neither Virgil nor the rest of Thomas. I guess it’s just unhealthy for him to have that kind of mentality ya know? But I’m glad to see Logan and Thomas instilling more positive and constructive thoughts so that Virgil isn’t as,,,hostile to the whole Other Sides sitiuation as he would be. 

Hopefully, we’ll get to see more of the Other Sides situation very, very soon. Let’s talk about Thomas though? Like, I didn’t even realize the impact all of these events have been having on him?? No wonder he was becoming more and more down on himself as the episodes went on. His head is spiralling into unknown territory which is definitely reflecting on his life outside of his head poor baby. So hopefully, as more Sides are introduced and as more problems are solved out, Thomas will find the stability he needs after such world-rocking events.

So like, not gonna lie this has to be my favorite episode. Not only did we get a subject that is so important to so many people, but we got a new Side/twin brother, Patton and Virgil starting to work their inner turmoil out, Thomas getting sleep, Logan being listened to, and dick jokes everywhere. I swear, every 5 seconds, Remus would pop out a new dick joke. (and lowkey though can we talk about the fact that we got the name of a new side and not of Deceitlsfkjd;jfs)

Anyway, let me know what y’all think of the new episode and if you have like anything to add that you noticed in the new episode because I need it all. I loved this episode, Remus bottom, and I’m never getting over this yay.

[nyxicnymph]

Extended Hand, Extended Heart

Ayaka/Nilou

General audiences.

Written as a Christmas gift for my dearly beloved @eenochian ! Merry Christmas, my love!

Summary: The Kamisatos are hosting another festival on Rito Island, and guests are coming from all over Teyvat. Ayaka meets someone special. 1808 words.

--

Ayaka nervously smoothed down the front of her dress, her nerves finally getting the best of her. Ayato, the entire Yashiro Commission, really, had been planning this international cultural festival for almost a year now. Ayaka really didn’t want to be the one to ruin it all.

The first guests to arrive were from Liyue. Members of the Liyue Qixing like the Tianqiang and Yuheng were among them. Ayaka could have sworn that there were two half adepti in the crowd, their horns and antlers being just too real to be headpieces. Even a funeral parlor was represented, by a young woman who made a beeline for the Yuheng, and a tall man with amber eyes who kissed the hand of the ship’s captain before making his way over to his employer and the other Qixing.

Then came guests from Mondstadt. Many of the Knights of Favonius, including Albedo and Klee, who Ayaka waved extra hard at, and another child, with cat ears, that seemed to be friends with Klee. Albedo introduced another guest to Ayaka briefly, a shy young lady by the name of Sucrose.

Even Aether showed up, bringing a guest of his own from Liyue. The two young men didn’t stay out in the crowd very long, just long enough to greet Ayaka back, and introduce the second man as Xiao, an honored adeptus, but not fond of crowds. Then they left.

Even with Thoma’s help, Ayaka was beginning to flag. And there were still more ships scheduled to land today.

Thankfully, the guests from Sumeru would be the last ones of the day, leaving tomorrow for any other guests.

Ayaka straightened up as she saw the leaf shaped boats sailing in, and she smoothed back her hair. Just one more round of guests, and then she could go to the inn and sleep until the next morning.

Footsteps echoed on the wooden planks of the dock, and Ayaka curtsied.

“Welcome to Inazuma, guests. I am Kamisato Ayaka, your hostess.”

As she stood up again and opened her eyes, she froze. Literally. She could tell the ice beneath the dock had frozen over, and a tiny part of her mentally chided herself for losing control. But the rest of her was awestruck by the lady before her.

“I’m Nilou,” she introduced herself. “I am with Zubayr Theater. It is my honor to be here.”

Her clear blue eyes gazed gracefully into Ayaka’s own. Everything about her, actually, was graceful. Ayaka felt like a newborn kitsune next to this paragon of grace and elegance. Her red hair was tidy in its pigtails despite having just walked off a boat, her traveling clothes highlighting her figure, a dancer’s figure, her hand movements like crystalflies.

Thoma came to Ayaka’s rescue. “Ah, yes, welcome welcome. I will escort you to the inn. My lady, make sure you rest well before tomorrow,” he added to Ayaka. Ayaka caught his eye, and nodded. “Good, good. I’ll be on my way soon.”

Ayaka laid awake in her bed for quite some time that night. She couldn’t stop thinking about Nilou. Her eyes, her hair, her voice.

Ayaka felt her cheeks burning as she rolled over, desperately beating her brain into unconsciousness.

-The next day-

Ayaka took her place by the docks again the next morning, only for her brother to bump her away.

“Ayato!” She exclaimed. “What are you doing?” “Greeting my guests, Ayaka. I did organize this festival, after all. Go, enjoy yourself.” He turned to the guests coming up the docks. “After all, I had my fun yesterday, and we’ll have plenty of fun this next week. But it’s only fair to split the duties.”

He shooed her away, leaving her standing, quite bewildered, alone in the crowds.

Ayaka slowly turned towards the center of the festival, not quite sure of where she was going, but wandering anyway. It wasn’t often that she got time to just enjoy herself.

She made her way through the crowds, gracefully weaving through all the people. She spotted a cluster a little ways away. Curious, she changed course and walked that way.

People parted like water before her, and when she reached the front, it was like time stopped.

The Sumeru girl was there before her, dancing her heart out. Ayaka could feel the unrestrained passion Nilou had for her art, the endless hours of devotion and practice. Ayaka was breathless just watching.

And strangely moved. She desired that kind of passion, that kind of joy and pride in her own arts and hobbies.

Ayaka really wanted to join Nilou up there. She didn’t know the music, nor did she know the choreography, but she wanted to be up there with the dancer. Free, unrestrained, and happy.

Sometimes she wondered why she ended up with a Cryo Vision instead of Anemo.

That thought fled from her mind as Nilou’s dance slowed and then stopped. As she held her final pose, one of her troupe mates stepped forward.

“Is there anyone in the crowd who would like to dance with Nilou?” He asked, his gaze sweeping the crowd.

Unsurprisingly, many people in the crowd jumped at the chance, raising their hands, jumping up and down. Nilou finally released her pose, and began to scan the crowd. Ayaka waited to see who the dancer would choose, content to just watch Nilou do her thing.

Until suddenly, Nilou was in front of her. Ayaka’s breath hitched as she looked into Nilou’s eyes. Nilou held her hand out to Ayaka.

“I want you to dance with me.” She smiled softly. “I think you’ll look beautiful.”

Ayaka felt her face heat up, and for once was at a loss for words. But she gently placed her hand in Nilou’s, and let herself be pulled onto Nilou’s stage. Nilou removed her hand with a flourish, and Ayaka felt a twinge of disappointment.

“Just follow my lead, Miss Kamisato,” Nilou said.

“So you do remember me from yesterday,” Ayaka whispered as she began to mirror Nilou’s motions. Ayaka’s internalized perfectionism combined with her years of precision practice helped her out a bit, even though she was completely unfamiliar to this style of dance.

“Of course I remember you, not only did I meet you yesterday, but you would be hard to forget,” Nilou replied softly, stepping into a slow spin. “You are quite stunning.”

Ayaka almost tripped over herself. “I… I am?”

Nilou giggled. “Of course. And may I say, you are much better at this than I was expecting, my lady.”

Ayaka felt herself flush again. “I may not be familiar with this particular style, but I do understand the basics of dance.”

The music slowed, and so did their steps. Nilou drew close to Ayaka, looking calm, serene, and gorgeous. “I would like to see you again later, if that’s acceptable. Would you agree to meet me by the docks?”

The music was fading fast as Ayaka stammered out, “Yes.” Then, as the music stopped entirely, the two dancers stepped apart. Nilou curtsied, and Ayaka did as well.

As Ayaka prepared to leave the stage, Nilou whispered, “I’ll see you soon.”

Ayaka felt her face heat up again, and with a nervous smile and shaky wave, left the stage. As she re-entered the crowd, it dawned on her that all of the people around her had just watched her dance on stage with Nilou. The eyes of the crowd suddenly rattle Ayaka like they never have before, and she rushes away.

She finds Thoma first. Desperately, she asks, “Have you seen my brother recently? I am… possibly having a crisis.”

Thoma immediately set down his items, and turned to Ayaka. “Are you hurt? Are you being followed?” He stopped, then asked a different question. “Are you sick? Your face looks red!”

Ayaka covered her face. “Oh. No, I’m not sick, I’m just- Thoma… I-”

“Ayaka, are you all right?” Ayato said from behind them both.

“Ayato! Thank the Archons. I’m having a crisis.” Ayaka said, not without some extra dramatics.

“Oh? And what kind of crisis?”

Ayaka stood up straight and cupped her cheeks in her hands in a valiant effort to hide her blush. “I ended up dancing with this really pretty dancer and now she wants to meet me by the docks later! What do I do?!”

Ayato laughed, and Ayaka smacked him. “Stop laughing, I’m serious! I’ve never done this before!”

Ayato slowly stopped laughing. “Well, if you want my advice… Just go meet her.”

“But do I bring a gift? Do I change to a different dress? Thoma?”

Thoma raised his hands in defense. “Don’t ask me, I don’t know anything.” He pulled a face. “Just the same trite ‘be yourself’ motto everyone says in books.”

Ayato hummed. “If this is your first private meeting, I doubt you will want to gift anything more than some flowers. Maybe some Inazuma specialty flowers, since I assume the dancer is a foreigner.”

Ayaka tucked a stray hair from behind her ear. “She’s from Sumeru.”

Thoma stammered, “Sumeru?! Ayaka-”

“Where she’s from doesn’t matter! Okay, so. Flowers, I can do flowers. Thank you, Ayato!” She ran off to find the best flower vendor at the festival.

Lucky for the lady of the Kamisato Clan, the best flower vendor at the festival was not too far from the docks. She purchased a medium bouquet, filled with a variety of Inazuma’s local flora. She waved at Aether’s Adeptus partner, who was purchasing a bouquet of his own alongside the girl with blue hair and horns who was also from Liyue, then took a moment to compose herself. When she was ready, she started her trip to the docks.

The sun has reached it’s zenith, and the docks are far from empty. This is not the most romantic scenario Ayaka could have dreamed of. Far from it. She could have invited Nilou to a candlelit dinner, or personally escorted her around the festival, buying her the best souvenirs, highest quality food, and showing her the best entertainment.

And yet.

Here she was.

Heart skipping a beat as she caught a glimpse of deep red hair. Breath stopping when she realized Nilou wasn’t wearing her headpiece. Freezing in place like her Vision had gone out of control when Nilou turned and made eye contact. Finally melting at her radiant smile.

She finally made it to Nilou, and shyly offered the bouquet. Nilou accepted with a smile, a “thank you”, and a soft blush. Ayaka felt a small flare of pride at finally getting Nilou flustered.

They stood on the docks for a moment, just like that. Finally, Ayaka took her chance.

This time, she was the one to extend a hand.

“May I escort you around the festival, Lady Nilou?”

Nilou flushed again as she accepted Ayaka’s hand with her free one. “Of course.”

-end-

[hyperfixated-homo]

I get that remus is a Character but he's also just the personification of intrusive thoughts. How do you think the others should treat intrusive thoughts?

so i was going to go to bed but answering this feels more interesting right now actually

im not quite sure what you mean by that first part, but i feel like a lot of people have sort of explained before that he isnt just intrusive thoughts. sure, its a big part of who he is, and it is definitely what he grew into during thomas’s development, but thats not only what he is. that’s like saying patton is only morality, when we know very well that he’s also a large part of thomas’s feelings as well.

remus is another part of creativity. a dark, repressed, twisted version, sure, but still creativity. even if intrusive thoughts is more of what he does, he is also a representative of thomas’s more generally mature thoughts as well (in a way).

if you want to go even deeper than that, there are other more theory-based posts on tumblr that explain why remus is important that im sure my sleep deprived brain cant do justice right now. i saw a post about how remus represents a sort of catharsis for thomas: someone who pushes him to release all the horrible thoughts and feelings inside of him so that he can finally get some freedom from them.

i suppose i expect the others to learn how to treat him similarly to how they learnt how to treat virgil. understanding what he offers while finding ways to work with what makes him a problem. as of right now the only way we’ve really seen him as a chaotic evil monster who’s only goal is to cause chaos but also, we’ve only seen him canonically like twice? im sure he has other motives, just as virgil or even janus had other motives when they first showed themselves to thomas. if the others could learn how to work with him instead of against him (or just around him like they’re doing now) i think it would help c!thomas a lot.

you can feel free to send another ask with your thoughts if you feel like there might be something im missing here lmao. my post about remus’ acceptance arc (which im pretty sure is the one which made you send this ask) was more of like, an idea anyways. not really what i thought would happen in the series

[bitletsanddrabbles]

Why the hell does my brain keep insisting on writing Chris Webster? WHY?

Seriously, it’s not even that we only see him briefly. I can work with super minor characters. Hell, in FFVII, ‘my’ character was Chocobo Joe. The man got one speech and then he just raced! Nothing more!

But what we see is so much the exact opposite of what I am and what I’ve experienced, I’m good for maybe five paragraphs or a conversation, then I’m floundering like hell.

He’s an extrovert. He’s got a gaydar that not only functions, it’s so finely tuned he can spot another gay guy by watching him sit at a bar and drink a pint. He’s at the heart of his local queer community.

In short, he’s everything that the ‘Julian Fellowes simply can not write gay people properly!’ crowd insists that Thomas Barrow should have been, except for the extrovert part, which means your average chunk of granite does a better job of representing me than he does!

And I can’t write him.

I keep trying and I have all of these ideas and they should be simple, short, sweet ideas, but I can’t do it! I need to know things I don’t know and honestly don’t want to. I need to have lived through things I haven’t lived through and honestly don’t want to. I need to spend times in situations and around groups of people I honestly don’t like spending time with!

And it’s not that I don’t want to understand how he works – I do! Good God do I ever!  - but everything that I’d have to know and do and experience to understand that is uncomfortable and gives me a headache and just leaves me feeling – at best -  like I don’t belong or – at worst - that my only value is as a Worthy Cause or a Member Of A Worthy Cause and that I’m generally not Good Enough because I want to be, I dunno’, a human being instead?

And it’s so.

Damn.

Frustrating.

Because the story ideas are good and I want to write them, and they always start out easy and fun, but then I always hit the point where I’m just banging my head against this stone wall named Chris Webster.

[rayisme]

Romeo And Juliet But Gay

Chapter 11

//Warning: Bad thoughts

ROMAN'S POV

       I watch excitedly in Thomas's mind as he starts the first video of our new series that Logic and I made up. "What is up, everyone?! Man, those extra seconds really worked magic. So, being online as much as I am, I tend to overshare everything about myself. You may know of my love of theater, my enthusiasm for cartoons, and of course... my passion for pizza! But even though I talk about these things a lot, I get questions from people all the time, asking very in-depth, thought-provoking questions about myself that are actually really difficult for me to answer accurately. Do I really know myself as well as I should? On top of that, I get messages from people who are also having trouble figuring themselves out. Personal identity is something I think everyone struggles with at one time or another. So, I figure, why not go on this adventure together? I need to have a sit-down with myself, figure myself out, and maybe come to a better understanding that we all could learn from! Let’s do this!" Soon after Thomas says this, Logic rises up from the ground. 

       "Hello there, class!" He says and I giggle softly as Thomas sighs.

       "Whatever. This is my intellectual side. Every fact I’ve ever learned." Logic nods as a greeting to the camera, as if the viewers just introduced themselves.

       "Believe it or not, I was quite the nerd in school." Logic replies and Thomas grumbles softly. 

       "I’m pretty sure that’s a surprise to no one." I rise up soon after and I absolutely beam as I speak my lines. 

       "Greetings, wonderful citizens and you nerds!" Logic sighs a little and rubs his temple. 

       "Hi." Thomas turns to me and gestures in my direction. 

       "This is my fanciful side. All my dreams, my hopes, and my creativity." I chuckle a little and stand a little taller.

       "Not to mention your love of Disney songs! ♪Do you want to build a snowman?♪" I sing the last part softly, but unfortunately Thomas stops me quickly. 

       "Nope. Not right now." My smile falters before I smile again as the camera pans to Logic.

       "Why that song?" He looks very confused, then it switches to Morality as he pops up. 

       "What's going on kiddos?" Thomas smiles and turns to Morality. 

       "And finally, this is my moral side. My sense of right and wrong that I’ve learned ever since I was a kid from my own parental units." Morality giggles and fidgets a little with his shirt.

       "I also represent your unbashed love of-" He starts to say, then Logic and I say the rest of his sentence at the same time as he does. "-Dad jokes." Morality smiles and nods as he hums in agreement, as Thomas seems to be processing what was just said.

       "... Dad jokes." Morality beams, then nods. 

       "Whoa, is there four people in here or is it just me?" He asks and it takes a minute for my brain to register as Logic sighs, to which I do too soon after.

       "... Ah, I got it." I look down as Logic groans. Thomas chuckles a bit at the joke and replies. 

       "That was a bit of a thinker. I like it." Logic seems a bit irritated, then stops the conversation, I think to get us back on track. 

       "So what are we all doing here?" Thomas beams and turns his attention to Logic. 

       "Well, people know me from all the Vines that I make, but I don’t think people really KNOW me know me." I look down while he says this and glance away before I say something softly.

       "Well maybe they would if you post YouTube videos more often..." Everyone turns to me and seem surprised. 

       "Ohhhhh..." Logic mumbles and Morality replies soon after. 

       "Oh my... Whoop! There it is!" Thomas sighs a little and looks like he's thinking.

       "Okay, alright, that’s fair... But I don’t even know if I know me. There’re some things that I think even I need to figure out about my own identity. Like, okay, relationships." I absolutely light up at that and smile brightly. 

       "Ah! Romance!" Thomas chuckles and nods as he replies.

       "Yes, but where do I stand in those regards?" I think for a minute before I reply.

      "I have a pretty ideal vision of love... There's someone out there for me... One true love..." I reply and Logic says something soon after. 

       "But you tend to overthink things, rule out possibilities with logic, dream up obstacles with each new connection you make..." Thomas nods again and sighs. 

       "And that when the anxiety kicks in. Maybe that’s why I haven’t found a person for me yet." Morality says something then and I smile at his words.

       "But that’s okay. The important thing to keep in mind is nobody’s perfect. Everyone comes with their own flaws." Thomas nods once again and smiles a little. 

       "Including me." I nod a little and smile more. 

       "Yes, someone will accept us flaws and all. Until that day I shall learn to love... myself." I say softly, though my mind berates me. What's the point? You found the one and you let him get away. No one can know.

       "Yes, that's definitely important. Flaws and all. Speaking of which..." He trails off as he thinks, but Logic intrupts before he can finish. 

       "Um... Are we bringing up flaws now? Because if so, be ready to take a lot of notes." Thomas blinks in surprise and hesitates. 

       "Oh uh..." Logic looks down at his notes and continues. 

       "Okay, you ready? Here we go. You procrastinate a lot." Morality continues the list.

       "You can be a bit selfish with your food and your other belongings..." I continue as well and glance away. 

       "You're definitely not the most adventurous person..." Thomas sighs and looks down as he speaks.

       "Okay, maybe this was a bad idea if I'm supposed to be learning to love myself." Logic sighs and shrugs a little. 

       "Ah, but remember, everyone has flaws." Morality smiles and speaks. 

       "At the same time, focus on your good attributes." I smile and make a dramatic pose. 

       "You value your relationships with your friends above all else!" Morality nods in agreement and continues saying his good qualities. 

       "You believe there's good in everyone." Logic nods and continues.

       "And when you set your sights on doing something, you put all of your energy into it to make it the best it possibly can be." Thomas relaxes a little and smiles. 

       "Well, that's very nice of you guys." Morality nods a little as he giggles.

       "Well, it's important to be nice to ourselves and cut ourselves some slack every once in a while." He says and looks at me pointedly, to which my smile falters before coming back quickly. 

       "Wouldn't want to be our own villain, now would we?" Thomas nods and continues his questions. 

       "Okay, true. What else do we need to figure out?" Logic thinks for a moment before he replies.

       "Biggest fear?" Morality gasps a little and looks scared, his eyes widening as he holds his arms close to his chest. 

       "Spiders..." I nod a little and pose dramatically again. 

       "Rejection!" Logic thinks for a minute, then replies. 

       "What exactly is at the bottom of the ocean?" Thomas shakes his head a little as he pales.

       "No, no! We are not talking about fears! I am well aware of those. I am talking about what I need to figure out about myself." I think, then reply. 

       "Well, what do you wish to look for in a relationship? What are you hoping to gain from having another person in your life?" Thomas thinks and hesitates. 

       "Um... I don’t know. Someone who’s a nice compliment to me... someone who wants a long stable relationship... someone who indulges in the same sense of humor, and um... someone who can binge-watch cartoons with me." Logic says a question then, seeming intrigued.

       "With everything you've learned, what do you wish to do with your education?" Thomas thinks again as he puts his chin in one of his palms to be more comfortable.

       "Ooh... I'm not sure... I'd love to figure out ways to help the environment. Science was always my strong point and I love Chemistry." Logic nods and Morality pipes up, catching all of us by surprise.

       "What positive impacts do you inevitably hope to bring to this world?" We blink in surprise and look to Morality. 

       "Wow, that was a surprisingly deep and poignant quest-" Morality cuts him off then as he looks to Logic.

       "Hey! We have the same glasses!" Logic blinks and hesitates before he nods. 

       "Yep." He says and sighs, then looks to Thomas. 

       "Okay, well... I think just being able to put out silly light-hearted content into the world is kind of a good start. It makes me really happy to do that." Logic nods as Morality beams. 

       "Well there you go. A good foundation." Thomas nods and looks to Logic as I think to myself. 

       "Yeah, true. These are good things to be in touch with. And I’m sure there are some of you out there who have other, very different, maybe even more difficult questions about yourself. Maybe about your gender, or your sexuality." Thomas says as he looks to the camera and I have an idea for a question. 

       "Yes, who may be your love, or do you want love at all?" I ask as I look to the camera. Logic looks to the camera as well to speak after me. 

       "What do you want your future to be or even what do you want to do tomorrow?" Morality looks to the camera now and beams. 

       "And where do babies come from?" We all just blink and stare at him for a minute before I ask a question. 

       "You serious?" Morality nods and Logic stares at him in confusion before he speaks. 

       "Wha? You're a father." Morality shrugs a little and thinks. 

       "I know it's got something to do with storks, but after that, I uh..." He trails off and Thomas sighs as he looks to the camera again. 

       "Okay, well, only he’s confused about that, but yes! Figuring out your own identity can take a long time. You may know yourself at an early age, or you may be still figuring yourself out well into adulthood." Logic nods and looks to the camera again as Morality shrugs it off, then I sigh. 

       "Yes and there's no time limit for these questions." I beam and nod in agreement as I look to the camera too. 

       "Getting to know yourself can be quite the awesome adventure and hopefully it's an adventure that never ends." Morality giggles a bit and looks at the camera as well.

       "And no matter what, nobody knows you better then you know yourself. Isn't that right Tony?" Morality asks and Thomas rubs his temples. 

      "Not my name." He looks confused then and turns to Thomas. 

       "Then what is it?" Thomas sighs again and looks to the camera once more. 

       "Okay, that was a very enlightening experience, but I think that’s enough for one night. It’s a little weird to be talking to myself so much. Right, Sacagawea?" He asks and turns to his pet hamster, to which Logic cringes. 

       "I'm your pet hamster and I'm pretty sure this is even weirder." Says Sacagawea in response and Logic grumbles something about there's being no logic.

       "True. You’re right. You’re always right... I hope you guys enjoyed this little journey into my identity. Say goodbye, everyone!" Logic nods and turns to the camera. 

       "Class dismissed!" He says, then sinks out. 

       "♪ Goodbye! ♪" I reply and sink out to my room, then my smile falls as I sigh. "Where are you Virgil...?"

@virgil-my-emo-son @mountains-on-mountains @transformationloveb @lovelivingmydreams @leconcombrerit @fandomfollowerart @strangestormcloud @anonymous-gremlin

[theartoflovingthomashunt]

An Afternoon Detour

[All Thomas Hunt x Alex Spencer Masterlists] [Red Carpet Diaries]

Characters: Alex Spencer x Thomas Hunt Book: Red Carpet Diaries Book 3 Word Count: ~1,000 Rating: General Prompts: ​@choicesaugustchallenge : road trip

Synopsis: Thomas and Alex take an afternoon detour to Solvang (California) on their road trip.

This takes place during RCD3 when Thomas struggling creatively and Alex suggest they take a short road trip. This is the third part of their journey but each is a standalone story: [Part One] [Part Two]

A/N: This has been in WIP for like 8 months. I was super inspired to write this side trip at the time, but haven't had the motivation since to complete it. Rather than leave it in WIP any longer, I decided to wrap up the snippets/scenes I had started and then, make a collage of their time in the Dutch town to show what they did/saw based on my original notes to represent the parts I didn't end up writing.

"Is this your surprise?” He looked around skeptically at the quaint Dutch town.

“Nope.” She slipped out of the car and walked toward the path.

Thomas quickly followed, taking her hand once it was offered to him. “What are we doing here then?”

“Walking.” She smiled, leaning further into his arm.

“Why?

"Walking is good for you.” She did her best to keep a straight face as she continued. “Remember what our dear friend Tucker Paisley said, walking ‘gets the blood flowing, grows your brain potential by, like... three times.”

“If I recall, Mr. Paisley was not fond of walking, preferring instead to let technology do it for him,” Thomas corrected, the corner of his lip twitching upward at the memory.

Alex shrugged and leaned closer to him. “Just because he didn’t practice this philosophy himself doesn’t mean he was wrong. Indulge me.”

The bright, cheerful flowers radiated under the mid-day sun, while the bold-colored buildings transported them into another world. Four wooden windmills stood watch over the many guests strolling the streets of the town out of time. The warm, pleasant aroma of fresh-baked bread, sugary sweets, and tantalizing treats wafted out of one of the town’s five bustling bakeries.

“Mmm,” she hummed, closing her eyes. “We must get some aebleskivers before we leave.”

His brow arched at her familiarity.

“I might have read some reviews when I picked this as a stop on our road trip tour." She pulled him forward. "Come on.”

🌷🌷🌷🌷

“You have a little—” Thomas touched his finger to the place on his face that mirrored where Alex had some jam on hers from the aebleskivers.

“Here?” She carefully moved her tongue along her lip in the opposite direction, a playful smirk claiming her mouth. “Maybe over here?”

“Allow me.” He lifted his napkin, but she pulled away.

“Nuh-uh.” She chewed her lip, leaning into him.

He exhaled noisily, sighing in defeat. He placed a kiss on the corner of her mouth, opening just enough to take in the drop of jelly.

Alex turned into him, capturing his lips softly in a chaste kiss.

🌷🌷🌷🌷

"What are we really doing here?" The question had been on his mind since their arrival. He knew they were doing more than walking.

"What do you mean? We're just having fun." Alex shrugged innocently, guiding him ahead toward the bronze Little Mermaid statue above the glistening reflecting pool.

While picturesque, the town was not one he would have anticipated being of interest to Alex. "And yet, I feel as though you have an ulterior motive."

"Who, me?" Her mouth fell open as she feigned disbelief.

His eyes narrowed at her, not letting the question go.

She sat on the ledge surrounding the serene fountain, patting the stone beside her. As he accepted her request, she took his hand, allowing her thumb to caress his skin. "I know you're struggling and more than you let on. I know this hasn't been easy for you, even when you try to hide the depth of your frustration. You're so talented—the most brilliant man I know. You need to get out of your head. This trip is about finding inspiration in both the familiar and unfamiliar."

His gaze fell to the cobblestone street at his feet, his fists clenching slightly. His lips pressed together, and his shoulders slumped forward. He felt like a failure and a fraud, completely unworthy of her. She had everything ahead of her, and his achievements seemed to be behind him. "You shouldn't have had to take time away from The Secret of Ninradell for me. Nurturing your own career is important."

"I didn't have to, I wanted to. And my career is important, but nothing is more important than you—than us." She leaned into him, resting her head on his shoulder. "We're a team. We help each other. For better or for worse, in good times and bad; there is nothing we can't overcome as long as we're together."

"Would you still wish to marry me if I wasn't everything that I was, all that I think myself to be?" He posed, unable to meet her gaze.

"Yes, of course," she replied immediately, without a moment's hesitation. "Thomas, I love you. Nothing will change that."

"How can you be certain?" He turned back into her, his eyes searching for answers.

"Would you still want to marry me if when we return Ninradell was ruined and my career was damaged as a result? If a gossip rag destroyed me tomorrow, would you still want me?"

"Yes." He nodded his agreement. "I will always want to marry you."

"That's how I know." She cradled his face. "What we have is stronger than anything else. I believe you will get through this, as I believe in us."

His head shook. "Your optimism never ceases to amaze me."

She smiled, wagging her brow at him. "I am quite amazing."

His lips turned up, "that you are."

Her cheeks warmed under his adoring gaze.

"I love you, Alex. No matter what the future holds, the one thing that will never change is how I feel about you."

"And I, you." She curled into him, letting the soft trickle of the fountain behind them create a serene soundtrack.

"Try something for me. Close your eyes for a minute. Listen to the melody of the water falling from the fountain and the rhythm of the horses' shoes against the cobblestone, the murmur of visitors like us making memories to treasure. Breathe in the fragrance of the tulips in the gardens. Let the light breeze dance across your face, tickling your skin and bringing with it the aroma of the delicious foods escaping the restaurants and bakeries." Alex spoke softly and slowly, allowing him time to process and attempt to draw inspiration from the small details around them. "The Little Mermaid story is about redemption. The statue behind us is filled with melancholy. She looks lonely, looking out into the distance, searching. I've seen that look on you. I know you're searching for what's next, for what's in store for you. You'll find what's right for you when you're ready. And nothing will stop you. You can't beat yourself up anymore. Unlike this statue, you're not alone, and you'll never be."

Thank you for reading and indulging me int his story even though it isn't finished and the parts here aren't as "polished" as I would like.

Tags in a reblog, please let me know if you'd like to be added or removed 💖

[fangirlwriting-stories]

These Unprecedented Times

Summary: Thomas was currently spending most of his days stewing in his empty house in the middle of the nightmare that is 2020 and wishing he had someone to talk to.  Apparently, his brain listened to him though, or he's just finally lost it, because suddenly standing across the room is someone that looks like a half-snake version of him.

Or, In Which Thomas Is So Bad At Taking Care of Himself That He Accidentally Summons His Self-Preservation.

AO3 Link

Chapter One: Self-Interest

Thomas was running pretty dry on video ideas, and he had no idea why.  It was like all his motivation for creating had been sapping away as lockdown continued.  It was frustrating to no end, and he couldn’t seem to muster up the will to even try and fix the problem.  And with a lack of ideas in that regard, he was stuck thinking about everything that was going on, all of the disease and the death and the nightmares that this year had been bringing.  He tried to stay as up to date as possible in case something new had happened, but with that and all the thoughts already invading his head from information he already knew, he just grew more and more anxious about the world’s situation until he forced himself off of social media and tried to do something relaxing.  Unfortunately, that usually only lasted about half an hour before he started feeling guilty about not being up to date and even trying to enjoy himself with everything that was going on.

He texted and facetimed with his friends as often as he could, but most of the time he was alone, and stewing in everything by himself wasn’t that great either.  The only real person-to-person contact he got was when he went out walking, and learned to understand why dogs got so excited when they saw each other.

But he was fine!  He was lucky.  He wasn’t an essential worker, after all, and he didn’t have to risk his life to make a paycheck.  He should be grateful that he got to stay home, relatively safe, and all he had to do to have the money for groceries was to come up with ideas for videos, which he should be able to do with no problem.  He was fine.  He just needed to push through whatever this funk was and come up with an idea.

Thomas tapped his pencil against the blank notebook page and tried to force himself not to groan.

If only there was someone he could talk to.

“Thomas!”

Thomas yelped and spun towards the voice.  He was met with a bizarre half-snake man that looked remarkably like him.  Before Thomas could process the seven shades of what the fuck that was happening, the half-snake man marched across the room and yanked him up by the color.

“Thomas, you son of a— I can’t let this go on anymore,” the snake-man snapped, shaking Thomas back and forth, which Thomas didn’t really appreciate all that much.  “Do you know what I am?”

“Uh, I mean at this point I’d rather like to—” Thomas started.

“I am exhausted!  All of your efforts to convince yourself that you’re okay while there is goddamn global trauma going on are cutting into my self care time!  You’ve made me get sick of you lying to yourself.  Me!  So look me in the eyes, Sanders.  You. Are. Not. Okay.  Admit it.”

“What— I don’t— oh god.”  Thomas pushed the snake-man off and started scrambling backwards.  “Am I hallucinating?  Have I lost it?  Oh my god, what do I—”

“You’re not hallucinating,” said the snake-man.  Thomas looked back up at him to see him looking calmer and maybe just a bit sheepish.  “I probably should have done that a different way, but I don’t know how else I’m supposed to get through to you at this point—”  He sighed.  “I am a product of your mind and personality.  Though I suppose I do lack a physical form.”

“That… that just raises more questions…” Thomas said weakly.

“Absolutely none of which are important to address right now compared to what you are doing to yourself, Thomas.”

“How would you even know—”

The snake-man sighed.  “Look, I’m a… Side, of you, if you will.  Specifically, the Side meant to look out for your own interests.  Your bank account, your reputation, your self-esteem.  But instead of all of that, what I’ve been spending 24 freaking 7 doing lately is trying to tell you that everything is fine when we’re in the middle of a fucking pandemic with a president who barely acknowledges it’s a problem, which means I have to spend hours every day trying to get your Anxiety to not have a panic attack, and even that is barely working at this point!”

Thomas swallowed, trying to process all of that.  The… Side in front of him seemed to be more than willing to give him a moment to do so.  But even at the end of that, all that came out of Thomas’ mouth was, “…oh.”

The Side buried his head in his hands and gave a slightly hysterical laugh.  “‘Oh,’ he says,” he mumbled to himself.

“Wait,” Thomas said as an idea came to him.  “What do you mean, getting my Anxiety to not have a panic attack?  Don’t you mean give me a—”

“I said what I said, Sanders,” the Side said, shifting and crossing his arms.  “You think your fight or flight reflex is doing any better than I am right now?  I’m sure he’d be delighted to hear that you think so after running himself ragged trying to keep you up with the constantly changing safety measures.”

“My fight or flight?  Wait, is he that or my—”

“His role is to keep you safe,” the Side cut him off.  “Meaning he’s the part of you in charge of that particular set of responses.  His current title is Anxiety, and I think you can take a few guesses as to why.”

“His… title?  I’m sorry, this is a lot to process,” Thomas said, leaning back on the couch and rubbing at his temple.

The Side’s gaze softened.  “I’m sorry, Thomas,” he said gently.  “I don’t mean to be so intense right off the bat.  To be honest, I’m rather stressed, and I… did not expect this to happen.  Being able to speak to you was not something I ever considered would be possible.”

“Yeah, I think I’m with you there,” Thomas said, leaning forward and resting his elbows on his knees.  “I never expected to talk to a part of my personality face to face.  Are you sure I’m not hallucinating?”

“You’re not,” the Side said, looking amused.  “I believe I was summoned here because you needed me.”

���I just wanted someone to talk to,” Thomas muttered.

“That’s completely understandable,” the Side said.  He moved forward and gestured to the empty couch.  “May I sit?”

“Uh, okay,” Thomas said, shifting to face the Side as he did so.  “Can I ask some questions now?”

“We probably should slow down for a minute,” the Side said with a nod.  “What are your questions?”

“Uh…” Thomas wasn’t quite sure where to start.  He could certainly say he hadn’t expected to meet this “Side” of himself today.  He didn’t even know how this worked, or what to call this Side, or—

Oh.  Maybe that was a place to start?

“What should I call you?” Thomas asked.

“The title I would prefer is Self-Interest.”

Thomas nodded.  “Self-Interest.  Okay.  And Anxiety.  Is it just the two of you?”

“No, there are others.” Self-Interest shook his head.  “Don’t even get me started on what Intrusive Thoughts is doing to the mindscape right now.”

Thomas furrowed his brow.  “Okay, hold up.  You’re saying that all of these ‘Sides’ represent different parts of my personality?”

Self-Interest raised an eyebrow.  “I thought we clarified this already.”

“No, I mean, why are you explaining to me everything that’s going on with them?  Shouldn’t I just be talking to them directly?”

Self-Interest snorted.  “Oh, yes, you’re definitely ready for that.  You won’t even admit that you’re not okay, and you want to meet your Intrusive Thoughts.”

“Wh— why do I even have a whole side for Intrusive Thoughts?  Anxiety I can get, but—”

“It’s… complicated,” Self-Interest said.  “Technically he’s part of your Creativity, but, well, let’s just say there’s two Sides to that.  Creative thoughts you welcome, and ones you… don’t.  As much.”

“Well, can he start working on ones I want to have again?  YouTube is basically my only source of income right now, since I can’t do any auditions for shoots or plays.  If I don’t come up with an idea soon, I’ll be in trouble.”

Self-Interest blinked at him.  “You… want me to tell Intrusive Thoughts… what to do.”

“Well, yeah,” Thomas said.  Had he explained it wrong or something?

Self-Interest looked at him for another long moment.  “Sure, I’ll get right on that.  Good luck getting him away from diseases and death right now, though, that’s basically all you’ve been exposing us to lately.  Which connects back to my main point.”  Self-Interest leaned in.  “Stop trying to pretend you’re okay, and stop avoiding things that are going to actually make you feel better.”

“What…” Thomas said, not quite sure what Self-Interest was referring to.

“I get it, it’s hard to stop telling yourself you’re alright.  That’s sort of my fault.  But we’re not going to get anywhere like this.” Self-Interest paused.  “You know what, I have a better idea.  Give me that.”

Self-Interest reached over Thomas and grabbed the TV remote from the coffee table, flipping the TV on.  “Oh, are we watching the news?” Thomas asked, settling in next to him.

“Ha.  Nope.  We’re watching Disney movies.”

Thomas blinked.  “But—”

“Thomas, we both desperately need a self care day.  Watching Disney will help you, and helping you will help me.  We’re doing this.  Sit back and relax.  If you’d like, I’ll allow you to make some popcorn first.”

“Uh… I’m good,” Thomas said.  Normally he’d start feeling guilty the moment he started considering doing something just for his enjoyment with everything that was happening, but for some reason the feeling felt sort of… muted right now.  Maybe it was the fact that Self-Interest was there?

Either way, Thomas leaned back into the couch as Self-Interest started playing The Little Mermaid and relaxed for the first time in a while.  Maybe this wouldn’t be so bad.

Chapter Two

[emmarzhere]

3am AU time: Sanders Sides Swap!!

Once again I can’t sleep due to my brain insisting it’s much more important to write down these ideas for a Light and Dark side swap AU than sleep, so 3AM TUMBLR RAMBLE IT IS BABYYYY!!!

So I wanted to try using traits already existing in each character to make their inverses, rather than just swapping traits or completely changing the character’s core values, and these are my initial late night ideas:

(Note: I saved this as a draft and revisited it in the morning / afternoon to make sure it all actually made sense and to add to it with a fresh mind)

(Extra note: I accidentally lost all my additions and the entirety of Patton’s and Virgil’s descriptions by refreshing the page, so it’ll now be written out again in a less formatted way. DAMN YOU TUMBLRRRR!!!!!!)

Roman:

My initial reaction was to make Roman “Pride”, and extend on his egocentric nature (like what is done with many Dark!Roman interpretations), however five minutes of laying in bed thinking about it later I found a trait I felt fit him better: Delusion.

This Roman could still be very much “Netflix kids and family”, living and trying to make Thomas live in a fantasy land where everything is always fine and dandy. This insistence of only seeing things through his figurative or not so figurative rose tinted glasses makes this Roman very naive and hard to get through to, and while on the surface appears very appealing to Thomas (when they first meet Thomas doesn’t understand why Roman counts as a dark side) can be very dangerous if Thomas leans too much into his ways of escaping reality, aka making Thomas a delusional person. The best part of this choice of trait for Roman is that I can still tie in his ego; delusions can be fuel people’s egos, and also to protect them from harsh realities, hence why Delusional works as a role for Roman.

While normally I see Dark Side Roman designed to be an evil prince or king, I decided to go for a more glamorous look which I think fitted my version more: Roman would wear a pristine black and red suit consisting of a red waistcoat, tie and trousers, a black button up shirt and black or red heeled boots. I also wanted his design to link to the white peacock (a rare type caused by a genetic mutation), so I topped off the outfit with either a vintage white shawl or a Cruella style coat (leaning towards Cruella because we know Roman and Disney!) with white peacock feathers attached (still trying to decide if I want Roman to have decorated the feathers with red and black accents or not), and a pair of literal rose tinted glasses to hide his white peacock eyes - pale blue with a glassy look to them which always gives the impression that he is far away, even when he’s not.

Finally his sword is replaced with a grandiose black walking stick with silver details, along with the handle being a silver peacock head (note: possibly detachable from the cane to reveal a silver knife?). I chose this as weapons like these in fiction are often used to appear innocent, only to reveal a hidden depth of skill and character; a description which I think applies well to Delusional Roman.

Extra note: Delusional Roman gets snappy, angry, or even threatening when people try to break him out of or correct him on his delusional ways, though he will often try to slip deeper into his fantasies than actually deal with emotional confrontations.

Extra extra note: Roman is incredibly jealous of his brother as he can’t understand why he’s been accepted despite Roman being the one who creates such wonderfully perfect worlds for Thomas to escape off into! He’s also jealous of how his brother doesn’t care what others think of his work and doesn’t seek validation from the others, not that Roman would ever admit that he does either of those things.

Patton:

So the 3 main aspects of Patton I felt would work best for a Dark Side are his destructive selflessness, his overly strong morale compass and how he encompasses many of Thomas’ more negative feelings.

I couldn’t decide whether to officially label him as “Denial” or “Repression”, but either way he holds a similar role: he represses his / Thomas’ negative feelings, as well as tries to push Thomas to do the morally right thing (as he still represents Morality, just not as his main trait) which almost always is the selfless option. It’s almost impossible to convince this Patton that his viewpoint is not necessarily the correct choice (he’s in denial that he as Morality can ever be in the wrong), and he becomes hostile when his views are continuously challenged.

The light sides see Patton as the main holder and cause of Thomas’ negative feelings (eg. makes Thomas act selfless and do things for others until he’s burnt out and depressed), and when Thomas is feeling these negative feelings Patton experiences them but more strongly to the point where the others have to force him out of bed (usually Logan) and take care of him until he and Thomas get out of the depressive slump. However once he’s out he will deny that he was the problem and begin pushing Thomas down the self-destructive path again.

While this Patton will deny his depression and many negative feelings, he is still not as upbeat as Happy-Pappy-Pal-Canon-Patton, matching more with how the side acts in more serious moments such as at the end of SvS redux. He will smile and comfort others, but laughter and puns are rarely seen.

Another thing about this dark side Patton is that he is very manipulative (a trait shifted from Janus to Patton), even if he doesn’t believe himself to be. He uses his role as “morale compass” to invalidate other’s opinions if they clash with his, and often emotionally hurts the sides he gets close to by caring for them and performing selfless acts for them to show his love (eg. makes breakfast for the other Darks sides every morning, goes out of his way to learn more about their interests so that they can have someone to talk to them about) followed by him simplifying complex morale dilemmas in a way that makes it appear that his option is the only correct one, making the others feel bad about their differing viewpoints (a bit like how Roman felt invalidated and morally wrong throughout SvSR as his views didn’t line up with Patton’s).

This Patton wears a worn out pale blue shirt with a fraying black jumper over the top, leaving only the collar of the shirt visible. He has frog features too; with blots of green skin scattered all over his body, slightly webbed hands and he croaks! The splodges grow larger the more emotion Patton represses. He also really doesnt like his frog features as they don’t align with the perfect image of himself that Patton has in his head, so he tries to cover them up as much as possible with his black jumper, pale blue gloves (leather ones as he tried woollen ones and his frog skin made them go sticky) and baggy trousers, although there isn’t much he can do to hide the blots on his face or his brown frog eyes....

(He’s also constantly worn out as frog-pops has no clue what self-care even means)

Extra note: Patton goes through a sort of alternate character development to canon Patton, where as he begins to be accepted by some of the Light Sides and Thomas they discuss how he doesn’t just represent Thomas’ negative feelings, but all of his feelings; a lot of them are just also accidentally repressed alongside the “bad” feelings. As time goes on Patton becomes more cheerful and goofy, even dropping the occasional dad joke, although never quite to the levels of canon Patton.

Extra extra note: The happier this Patton is, the less faded the blues on his clothes become (much like Virgil’s eyeshadow), until at moments of peak happiness his gloves and shirt are canon Patton blue (eg. when Thomas is with Nico, or when Janus and Thomas first accepted him). Cute blue embroidered designs also form on his black jumper at peak happiness, such as butterflies, simple cats, pawprints and frogs.

Logan:

So Logan is the only side I have decided to leave with the same official trait title: Logic, although he also has the orange trait Anger within him. He will also be taking the place of Virgil as the Dark Side who is prematurely accepted.

However Logan here is still different from canon Logan: he represses and denies his emotions even more than canon due to the other dark sides attitudes towards him (Delusional Roman in particular does not appreciate the truth bombs and logical reasoning the calculator watch drops), leading to more angry outbursts / orange showing through. This makes Logan a horribly unstable side, with him appearing completely apathetic to any sort of feeling for an undetermined period of time until he next reaches his limit and has an explosion of rage - he holds both Logic and Anger/Orange in him here, but the anger shows through a lot more due to his circumstances.

His clothes are always shredded and falling apart due to him tearing them when he’s angry + the rage can come out like an explosion that wrecks everything in his surrounding area, including the clothes on him. He sticks to plain black t shirts and trousers to start with as he claims he doesn’t see the point in putting effort into an outfit as he has no desire to please others.

However when Thomas starts making videos Logan can’t help but show up from time to time. He is unsure why as he could not care less what Thomas or the idiotic “Light Sides” think of him, though he figures while he’s there he might as well educate the buffoons so they can reach more informed, educated conclusions to their constant dilemmas.

At first the Lights don’t take his presence well, and more times than one he’d leave towards the end of an episode to explode in the privacy of his room. But surprisingly they eventually start listening to him, considering his inputs, and Logan leaves filming shoots satisfied, even popping into the Light Side’s area occasionally outside of filming days to talk to them.

However Logan notices a pattern as time goes on: the more he’s around the Light Sides, the less he goes Orange. He tests it by spending a week only hanging with the Lights and finds that his anger barely built up at all. Logan quickly reaches the conclusion that his orange trait isn’t actually uncontrollable, it’s how the others treated him that made it so hard to act civil. That is what leads to Logan hating the Dark Sides (much like canon Virgil does) and finally joining the lights.

Soon after being accepted Logan has an outfit change, where he goes from his burnt, tattered rags to his canon outfit, as he finally feels stable and appreciated enough to trust himself in not ruining a nice new Logic outfit. From then on his journey is about accepting that he has feelings and learning that they’re valid.

Extra note: Logan’s worst fear is the idea of going Orange in front of Thomas or the Light Sides - he finally has people who listen to him and if they see his orange side it might scare them off or they’ll lose any respect for him they had. Worst of all they could get hurt…

Extra extra note: Neither Thomas or any of the Light Sides apart from Janus are aware that Logan holds the Orange trait, believing that he only ever was Logic, just more apathetic to start with (and they actually all buy his reasoning of his old outfit being trashed due to him not caring enough about appearances to fix it, to Janus’s dismay but not disbelief - a bunch of himbos, the lot of them!).

Virgil:

Virgil still represents the “Fight or Flight” response in this AU, just without the excess Anxiety. His official title would be “Instinct”, and he would be more confident than canon Virgil. The decrease in anxiety would also make him better at making rational decisions, though he would still freak out and make not-so-great choices in stressful situations.

Rather than a spider, I decided to link this Virgil more strongly with a cat, with heightened senses, lightning reflexes and eyes that reflect light much like a cats. These additions also match with his change of aesthetic from patchwork emo to fantasy vigilante mixed with bright purple punk, plus the addition of purple eyeshadow applied actually correctly. I made this choice as both canon and this Virgil see themselves as a protector of Thomas, yet Virgil is still slightly more morally grey than the other 2 Light Sides (sort of like canon Logan) hence a darker design. Plus is it really Virgil at all if he doesn’t spend his free time listening to MCR?

Virgil also takes the role of canon Roman when it comes to Patton being accepted: he initially falls strongly for Patton’s caring qualities, with the Dark side helping sooth his anxious moments and suggesting that Thomas make other non-selfish options that don’t make Virgil feel as anxious as some of Janus’ options. So for Patton’s first few conflicts Virgil sticks up for him, claiming he’s not all bad. Then he witnesses how Patton’s selfless choices affect Thomas and realises he’s been manipulated; there was no reason to go all the way with Patton’s choice and hurt Thomas, yet Patton had convinced him that it was either his way or the wrong way, no compromises available.

So by the time Patton reveals his name Virgil really dislikes him and makes a snarky remark in which Patton replies with a jab at how he didn’t realise being Thomas’ protector meant that you could be as evil as you wanted with none of the consequences. Virgil’s equivalent line to Roman’s hero one could be something like “Don’t you trust me?” or “I thought I was your best friend?” - then again Roman’s hero line does work with this version of Virgil.

Janus:

This was one of the easiest traits to decide: with a lot of his more manipulative and deceitful traits being distributed between Patton and Roman, Janus is officially titled “Self-Preservation”, and while he doesn’t claim the father role like Patton does, he is still very much seen as a parental figure and guiding light for Thomas and the lights. He tries to be warm and welcoming to the Light sides (part of his role is to take care of Thomas, hence taking care of the parts that make Thomas), and they naturally gather around him as he gives off a safe aura.

However he is not quite as kind to the Darks - he still has the role of managing what truths Thomas can handle, so he controls which sides stay hidden from him. The darks being revealed tends to be down to him slipping up or the side finding a way around his defences more than by him deciding Thomas is ready to meet them, and each time it happens he beats himself up over it and tries to work harder to not let it happen again. The problem he doesn’t realise is that the slip ups tend to happen in the first place due to him overworking himself to make the others / Thomas happy - he doesn’t quite perform the self-care he preaches about.

I’m still not quite sure where I want to go with Janus’ outfit: the initial thought was to put him in a more Patton inspired attire, however this is still Janus, and he is still a theatrical boi. I ended up settling for a mainly cottage-core aesthetic with a flowy long sleeve yellow shirt made out of a light fabric, brown trousers and an overly large sunhat. He also drapes himself in bright patterned shawls and wraps (still predominantly yellow in colour) as while he doesn’t look as snake-like as he canonically does he still has certain snake traits, such as a weakness to the cold and a yellow tint to his left eye.

However snake features do begin to form later on into the AU as Thomas’ views on Lights and Darks alter over time: he begins to realise that despite how it appears Janus is not always in the right, such as how if it hadn’t been for mistakes Thomas would never have met the Darks and learnt to grow as a person - in fact if Self-Preservation got the say in everything he would likely do little growing whatsoever. He and in turn the other Lights begin to find Janus too stifling until SvSR happens where under the stress Janus becomes a true snake boi. The scales and proper snake eye don’t fade afterwards due to Thomas’ subconscious change in perspective, and while it is a big new insecurity at first over time Janus learns to accept these new changes to himself and the Mindscape, and begins adding a touch of darker mystical aesthetic to his look (slightly fantasy fortune teller based) to match his new look better - although cottage-core remains his go to!!

Extra note: In this AU Janus is definitely the side that would most likely be seen going around the Mindscape in a dress (Roman would also wear dresses on occasion but mainly only within his daydreams in the Imagination); he is all about taking care of yourself, and that includes wearing what makes you happy! Though I’m still kind of tempted to put him in a dress full time...

Extra extra note: while Janus is very much the “adult figure” in the Light Mindscape, he still has his goofy moments like in canon - in general he is more relaxed and jokey with the others...though he’s still a sarcastic shet.

(I struggled finding images that matched at all with the ideas in my head, so take these as very vague links to the actual design)

Remus:

Oh boy, Remus is a fun one...

So now that Roman is the twin known by a different title (like how canon Remus is referred to as “Intrusive Thoughts”), Remus now has claim to the Creativity role!! However Remus isn’t going to do a 180 personality wise - he’s still going to be a chaotic gremlin, just with a light side twist.

His design is purposely all over the place: his aesthetic is mainly pirate based with a long sleeve pirate shirt, loose black trousers and heeled black and silver pirate boots, alongside a dark green pirate jacket and slightly brighter bandana. However he has other seemingly random elements thrown in there, such as a white and green hero cape (fuck what Edna says) coming off the back of the coat, and random colourful potions in the green belt under his coat alongside a knight’s sword. This mismatched look is due to the type of imagination Remus provides: while he still represents and creates intrusive thoughts, he also creates adventure stories and life goals/dreams for Thomas, hence takes a form that has mixed elements from Thomas’ self-inserts and protagonists for said stories. While he personally loves his messy design (do you know how much fun can be had with magic potions, swords, tentacles, and a day in the Imagination? Remus sure does), it does cause some arguments between him and Logan over how illogical him and his ideas are (like canon Roman and Logan).

Roman makes this Remus....uncomfortable. Not necessarily because of his ideas (those are just dull and vomit-worthy in his opinion), but because of how he can’t separate dreams and reality - while Remus loves coming up with Imaginative stories for Thomas and setting slightly outlandish goals for the future, he has a level of awareness that Roman lacks in how he knows Thomas won’t ACTUALLY end up being a morally grey pirate travelling the seas to claim back the magical pendant of octopus powers (unless...). He’s also uneasy with how easily Thomas can fall for Roman’s delusions of grandeur and romance, in fact it opens up quite a major insecurity on how despite being the “good” twin his brother seems to succeed more as the creative role, eg. how Thomas will come up with a dream future career path, husband and even car in a matter of seconds yet Remus has to slave and hone in on decent ideas for weeks to reach his own standard.

This leads to another thing about Remus: while he doesn’t care what others think of his ideas (the trait I mentioned earlier that Roman was jealous of) he hold a high standard to himself and gets extremely happy when he perfects an idea. Besides he still wants his ideas to actually be used by Thomas as them being dismissed for not being good enough does hurt (a bit like how Remus got frustrated in the recent episode with how his “good” intrusive creations were being torn apart by Logan’s methods).

Extra note: The fact that Thomas doesn’t like or appreciate some of his darker ideas / intrusive thoughts doesn’t bother Remus too much as he tends to put less effort into them as he knows they won’t be liked - he just can’t help that they pop into his head and he has to get them out - repression is bad after all! However maybe there can be some episode drama about Remus wanting to be less stifled and have Thomas at least consider some of his more mature themes that he thinks would be good to expand upon.

Extra extra note: Just assuring the fact that Remus not caring what the others think about his work does not correlate with him not caring about the others. He loves his fellow Light Sides and Thomas - he’s just confident in his own craft and while appreciates advice and improvements from the others (he and Logan have a field day on creating biologically accurate gore together) he also is aware that HE is Creativity, and he understands his craft better than the others.

Extra extra EXTRA note: Wasn’t really sure how to put it in there but Remus still represents Thomas’ lust. Do with that what you want.

Thomas:

So all these changes to the sides....of course it has it’s effects on character!Thomas! However I’m getting REALLY tired now so this will be done in bullet points:

Not as Disney-centric as canon/real Thomas.

Has less issues with Anxiety, and more issues dealing with Depression

His morals start off a bit more flexible than canon due to always having we-live-in-a-society Janus as his guide

Still has intrusive thoughts, but not as debilitating with the lower levels of anxiety and the much better relationship with Remus.

Still overworks himself trying to help others (nice one Patton!)

Might have a different career due to Roman being more out the frame - maybe goes into writing instead with Remus’ more diverse form of creativity.

Does explore more diverse creative ideas and darker themes, but still out of habit sometimes puts down possibly good ideas as on surface level they appear too morally wrong.

However could possibly be in a non-creative career, and his major longing for a new career path could be what allows Roman through for the first time.

Less dad jokes but still incredibly goofy with both Remus and Janus being more present.

I think I’m going to wrap up there for now! I may make some art for this at some point, but I also want other’s opinions and ideas for this AU.

If you made it this far, thanks for reading!!

[pl-panda]

The vines that bind us - Chapter 2

Chapter 1 || Next

-----

Until a trip to Gotham came knocking on the front doors

“I can’t believe Lie-la of all people managed to somehow get us the trip to Gotham!” Mari moaned with a mixed expression on her face.

Adrien, who was walking next to them, showed absolute disgust. “Technically, It was my father and I that did the heavy lifting. She really wanted to go to the Wayne Gala and…”

“What Lie-la wants, Lie-la gets.” The three finished in unison before laughing a bit. 

“Don’t worry Mari-bear. I can promise you that this no good liar won’t get to ruin your return home.” Chloe pulled her best friend closer. Best friend. Much better than a servant. Who would’ve thought? “And we can even try to find your mom on free Saturday.”

“Yeah…” The girl with black-blue hair didn’t seem particularly cheerful at that. 

“Now I refuse to have you making sad faces throughout the whole flight. You cheer up right this moment and that’s an order!” The blonde commanded. 

“Yes, Maman-bear.” Mari giggled.

The three of them finally arrived at the rest of the class, who were already gathered around madame Bustier. Of course, Lila was bragging about a million different things, but the three paid her no mind. Adrien did his best to hide behind the girls, cherishing the last moments of freedom. Finally, Mari and Chloe had to step forward for their tickets. The blonde got hers without any problem, but for Mari there turned out to be none.

“I’m so so sorry Marinette!” Lila said with fake regret. “I must have accidentally miscounted the number of students… It must’ve been when I was helping those poor orphans. You know, at…”

“Sure…” Mari didn’t even try to act as if she believed her for a moment. When Lila scowled, realizing that it didn’t affect the girl, she smiled. “I guess Chlo, Adrien and I will have to go with the contingency plan number 1.” 

“What?!” The sausage-hair shouted.

“Of course my Daddy would not send us to travel like peasants. We have tickets for the first class.” Chloe supplied, looking smugly. “We did plan to maybe sit with the rest of the class. What a shame…”

“Yeah, My dad also didn’t want me to travel anything less, but I convinced him to let me stay with my friends. Guess he will get what he wanted in the end.” For his part, Adrien at least tried to look apologetic. He didn’t try hard at all, but it’s the thought that counts, right?

“But… But…” Lila tried to come up with something, likely a lie, to counter it. She didn’t have time as the trio handed their teacher the filled forms from their parents/guardians/Nathalie and proceeded to the plane. The tickets were personal, so she couldn’t do anything. The Italian girl came up with a lie to tell to the class, but it would do no good until they landed. 

--------

“Did you see her face?” Plagg was rolling in the air while holding a giant roll of camembert. 

“You were amazing my queen.” Pollen complimented. 

“I still can’t believe your dad just… bought out the whole first class!” Marinette sighed. 

“Phi! Daddy always gives me only the best. You should know it by now, Mari-bear.”

“Okay. Mari. You are the Gotham expert here. Any advice?” Adrien asked a bit more seriously. 

“Gotham survival guide is probably unlike any other city.” She started. “The first rule is, believe it or not, run away if a person laughs too much or smiles too widely. The downside of living in the same city as the Joker is that most people don’t laugh in public. Secondly, never show that you are lost. Wherever you are, it’s exactly where you wanted to be. Finally, the third is to never flaunt your wealth.” She looked critically at Chloe before taking away her purse and lipstick in a golden case. “This,” She then pulled a mobile phone in a ridiculously sparkly case and popped it out of the cover, “this,” finally, she detached the golden chain on which the purse was supposed to be suspended and replaced it with a pre-prepared white one with copper clips, “and this must all go away.” 

“Ridiculous! Utterly Ridiculous! Now it will totally clash with my comb!” Chloe complained.

“Oh no! How will you ever survive that?” Mari deadpanned. All three of them had another burst of laughter. After they calmed, Adrien started.

“Do you think it’s wrong that I want to bet which rule will Lila break first?”

“Ten macaroons she will say out-loud about money.” Mari threw. 

“I raise, four tea parties she will start by asking for direction.” Chloe had a grin on her face

“Are you sure?” Adrien asked. When the blonde nodded, he shrugged. “Movie night and double popcorn bowl refill that she will do both in one conversation.”

���Hi, could you be so kind to point me to my exclusive hotel? You know, I’m staying at the penthouse of this luxurious new one.” Mari gave a quite good parody of Lilia. 

“So to sum up, the pool is now ten Macaroons, Four Tea parties, and movie night with triple popcorn?” Chloe asked. When they nodded, she quickly noted it on her phone. 

“Now, who wants a movie? I think they have the newest Thomas Astruck one.” Adrien pulled a disc from the container next to his seat.

“Good for me!/Go!” The girls said. Chloe, who was in the middle loaded it and the other two leaned onto her to watch together. The three were happy. Faintly in the background, there was knocking on the doors to their part, but nobody paid attention to very angry Liela and some classmates. For some reason, the doors were stuck and the blinder rolled down. Later if someone asked, Pollen would deny everything. 

------------

When the plane landed, the class was practically kicked out. The team walked calmly down the stairs, all of them having smug expressions. Lila wanted to comment, but a glare from Mme. Bustier shut her up quickly. Mari and co. would later try to guess, what got the crew so pissed at their classmates.

Once everyone was accounted for, the class made its way to the customs to retrieve their luggage. There was a small problem with Mari’s travel bag as it was apparently misplaced to the flight to Timbuktu, but luckily her true suitcase, which had her things inside, arrived safely. She giggled at the thought of custom office in Timbuktu receiving a bag full of Adrien’s old socks that smelled camembert. 

Overall, the airport went mostly unproblematic. At least until they found themselves cleared and gathered in one place while Mme Bustier left to check on their bus. One of the men, wearing a dark blue suit started to laugh almost maniacally. Everybody immediately cleared away from him, out of sheer self-preservation. Lila must’ve decided that a show of kindness was a good way to regain class’ good grace. She was confidently approaching the man before suddenly Mari grabbed her and pulled her away. The designer might’ve despised the liar, but Joker… you don’t mess with Joker. 

Of course, Lila used the chance. She faked falling on the ground and started crying crocodile tears. “Marinette?! How can you be so heartless? I wanted *sniff* to check on the man and you trip me?” Lila sniffled, eyes watering with crocodile tears.

“I might have saved your life genius!” Mari snapped. Joker was a really touchy subject with her. “Does the world Killer Clown mean something?”

“Don’t invent things, you bully!” Alya shouted. That seemed to break the dam and at once the class started to say awful things to Mari. A year ago, it would hurt her. Half a year ago, she would be sad. Now? Now she pitied them. Chloe didn’t, and she was ready to jump to protect her best friend. 

“Ridiculous! Do you like… share a single brain cell? What if that man was…” she didn’t get to finish because Mme. Bustier returned. The commotion immediately calmed. By now the man stopped laughing and returned to talking with his friends.

“The bus is waiting. Come on children. Follow me.”

----------------

Arriving at the hotel, the class was split into different rooms. Of course, Lila tried to lie her way into some privilege, but Mari was too dead inside to care. The Jet Lag was killing her. At least she got some sleep on the plane. From the rumors she heard from the class, they didn’t because of Lila’s drama with the staff. 

“Now I want you all to be ready here at eight a.m. sharp. A Wayne Enterprises representative will come here to explain the details of internships.” Mme. Bustier instructed them. This, for some reason, caused outrage in students.

“What do you mean internships?!”

“Wayne Enterprises?”

“Shouldn’t we be preparing to go to Gotham Academy or something?”

The terrible trio in the back had trouble holding back laugher. Adrien warned the girls about what his father planned, so they could all prepare. Gabriel Agreste, devious as he is, decided to punish Lila and teach Adrien something about running a company at the same time and using his connections to put the class up for an internship at WE. He did send the liar all the details, but she must have skimmed over the corporate jargon because the class was fed overexaggerated stories about what they would and wouldn’t do during two months trip. 

Most parents were more than happy to send their children away from Paris for two months, especially since the Internship was free and the employment rate after it was quite high. WE kept quite a lot of the interns, if only out of habit. But perhaps it was mostly because the class has become a go-to place for the Akuma. Only Mr. Pidgeon and perhaps Gigantitan were akumatized more often. Mari actually picked up to cleansing their class weekly through a ritual she learned, otherwise there would be enough residual dark energy to power a demon portal. Not something one would want in the middle of a classroom.

“I was told you’ve all read the brochure provided and Lila summarised it for you.”

“I did!” The sausage hair defended. “Marinette must have told them some imaginary story about the trip!”

Immediately, several other people started to nod and confirm this. Chloe actually started to walk toward the liar almost red, but Mari grabbed the back of her blazer and held her in place. All the while she had a completely deadpan expression like it was normal for her (it was).

Mme. Bustier sighed. “Well, In that case, I will…”

“Excuse me, but shouldn’t we be going to sleep today already? We don’t want to be late tomorrow.” Adrien asked with an innocent expression, but there was some satisfaction hidden there too.

“Well… um… I…”

“We will be going then.” Chloe grabbed the key and led Mari to their room. Calline didn’t even question it. She wanted a pay raise after this. 

-----------

The next morning, Mari was woken by a frantic Chloe

“Mari-bear! It’s already late! You don’t want to be late for your first day of Internship girl! It would be utterly Ridiculous!” 

At first, the girl mumbled something, but once she finally processed everything she leaped out of her bed and started getting ready in record time. She was brushing her teeth, packing her purse, and tossing clothes at her best friend all at once. Once she had everything, she turned to see Chloe on the ground tied with a gray blazer. Mari just burst out laughing.

“How…”

“Ridiculous!” Chloe shook her head. “I demand you untie me this instant! We don’t have time for this!”

Once they dressed and did their hair, both girls were ready. Chloe now had a black button-down shirt, deep red blazer, and a matching pencil skirt. Mari also made her wear smart black stilettos (instead of her usual that were slightly more extravagant). The look was completed by a tablet in leather flip-over cover. Mari had a similar outfit, except her shirt was white and the suit was in dark blue. She opted for flat shoes to spare the embarrassment that was Marigold on heels.

“Ready to rock Gotham City?”

“Like you have to ask.” Mari smiled. There was something about the city of crime that made her feel safe and open up more. Maybe being on home turf gave her the much-needed confidence boost. 

When Chloe tried to open the doors, she found them stuck. She was about to go on a rant about poor quality when Mari casually grabbed the doorknob and twisted it. There was a faint creaking sound as the mechanism gave.

“Um…”

“It must’ve been old,” Chloe said with a devious grin. “Nothing happened. Don’t you worry! I will deal with it.”

---------------

When the doors to the elevator opened and two girls strode into the lobby, their class was already pushing toward the exit. Adrien looked very much uncomfortable with Lila hanging off his arm, literally sinking her claws into him. He mouthed them a muted ‘later’. Alya stared at the girls with loathing. 

“Ah, you are here.” Mme. Bustier spoke. “Lila said…”

“Whatever.” Chloe dismissed their teacher. “Aren’t we in rush?” The blonde practically seethed the last word. 

“Yes, good to see that someone is responsible.” The teacher gave Mari a pointed look. Apparently, she still didn’t get over the fact that she resigned from the class rep position. 

“But…”

“Drop it. She is not worth it.” Chloe whispered. “Daddy will take care of that once we are done.”

Mari just nodded. She knew Chloe was preparing a lawsuit against the school, but their hands were tied until they graduated or Damocles could try and undermine it. Both girls knew that no adult would help them with the lawsuit beyond Chloe’s father signing whatever dotted line she asked him to. That man was more whipped than a fresh can of whipped cream. 

The ride to the WE was short and uneventful. Girls took up to gossiping in English, effectively limiting any eavesdropping. Mari spent most of the time tearing down the outfits of all the villains. She started with Riddler, more as a joke than actual rant, but then she somehow got onto this new guy Anarky. From there, she just kept on, smoothly sailing from one to the next. Even her mom got some shots. Mari still couldn’t stand how skimpy it was. Her rant carried over when they exited the bus and entered the WE. Security led them to a conference room, where they were told to take seats. 

Mari guessed that it wouldn’t be Lila if she didn’t immediately start sputtering lies about how well she knew the building already because of her Damiboo giving her private tours (All while clutching Adrien like a leech). She didn’t have enough ducks left to give to try to expose Lila about several facts. Such as that Damian Wayne definitely wasn’t living with Bruce when he was five. Any Gothamite could tell her that. Bored, she returned to her rant. 

She was nearing the end of the list and was very much engaged in complimenting Harley Queen for her recent change in wardrobe. She still considered it a disaster, but at least it was somehow human. 

“Ekhm…” A voice broke her out of the rant. “Good morning. My name is Richard Grayson. You are the french class chosen for the internship program, correct?” When people nodded, he continued. Idly, Mari noted that Alya and Lila stiffened and suddenly stopped talking at all. “We reviewed the individual profiles and appointed each of you a mentor that will help you settle into your roles. As I read the names, please come forward so I can update your badges. Do carry them on your person all the time or we will have to take you to our human cloning facility.”

People stared at him. 

“Okaaay… That’s that about jokes…” He sighed. “The rules will be explained by individual departments. Now, who’s up for a tour?” 

People started to cheer at that and Dick smiled. Maybe it wouldn’t be that bad?

-----------------

It was that bad. Even worse. He knew from the background check that the class was both insanely talented… and borderline criminal. It was like someone de-aged the Rogues and put them in one class. The report called them Akuma class, which (if google is to be believed) meant demons. He questioned how they got accepted into the internship. 

They only toured two floors when Dick wanted to tear half of them to shreds. He noted immediately that they were bullying the girl with black (slightly blue? Maybe it was dyed?) hair. What surprised him was that the teacher didn’t react. If he was to be honest, the girl and her friend slightly irritated him too. They kept talking and seemed to ignore him. It was not because they kept tearing down each and every bats’ fashion choices. Definitely not that. When they brought up Discowing he had enough. 

“Ekhm. Excuse me, girls,” he stared at them. Both immediately stopped talking and looked at him. “Could you pay attention? I wouldn’t want any of you to waste your internship lost on our maze-testing floor.”

“There is no maze-testing floor in this building.” The blonde pointed out.

“And besides, we memorized all you’ve said.”

“Care to recall?” He heard several people groan at his pun.

“The first floor is most representative, where guests are welcome and low-level meetings happen. There is a separate kitchen for employers there that is always fresh on fruits. Don’t use the coffee machine there as it was only patched up and there is a high chance it will set itself on fire again. The…”

“Fine. You’re good. Still, I don’t appreciate the chatter.”

“They are always trouble!” A girl in bright pink colors shouted. 

“Yeah! Why do you have to ruin this trip for Lila!?”

“You’re just jealous of her boyfriend!”

More voices like this came from the crowd of kids. Dick started to feel bad that he singled the girls out. It definitely gave the class a reason to gang up on them. And the teacher still did nothing! He sighed. What did HR think when they accepted them. He would have to look into it later.

--------------

Mari decided that she didn’t like Dick. Everyone in their class kept talking, but for some reason, he singled them out. For the rest of the trip, she made sure to pay as much attention as she could. There was this silent determination on her face. Chloe wisely also kept silent. 

After the trip class was led back to the conference room where another employer handed out the identificators and folders containing their assignments. 

“Keep the IDs on you at all times. As opposed to the ones you received, this won’t expire and are synched with your jobs, so you will have access to anything you might need. They are also mandatory to receive lunch in our canteen. When you get acquainted with your tasks, you can go to the level specified at the end of sheet one. Your mentor will meet you there.” With that, he left. Dick really needed to do some in-depth research on this class. Something kept icking his detective sense.

“Well, I’m going to the law department. Apparently whoever made the assignments knew my well.” Chloe bragged to her friend after opening the folder. 

Timidly, Mari also opened her folder. She skimmed over what was inside and groaned. “Apparently, I’m interning as personal assistant to one Tim Drake.”

“They actually assigned you to the sleep-deprived coffee addict?” Chloe asked in disbelief.

“You know him?” She asked in surprise

“He and his brother ruined my daddy’s parties two years ago. They got into an argument that ended up with them wrestling over a cake. It took me weeks to get the cake out of my hair! Weeks!” The blonde summarized.

“oh…” Mari tried to hold back the giggles.

“Don’t laugh! It’s a serious matter! Do you have any idea how much work it takes to have such a perfect hair?!”

“Of course… cakehead.” The girl couldn’t stop herself.

“Ugh, you… you… plant leg.” Chloe said.

“Really?” Mari raised an eyebrow. “That’s the best you can come with?”

“Well, I usually have better things to do than thinking about good insults.” Still, Chloe hugged her best friend. “Be careful. I wouldn’t put it past The Liar to try and sabotage you somehow.”

“I’ll be careful. Wish me luck.”

-----

The elevator took Mari all the way to the highest floor. When the doors opened, she stepped int a large room with one desk. As soon as the doors closed, the woman who was standing there rushed toward her. The girl tensed for a moment but she reminded herself that there is no real threat.

“Oh finally! I was asking them to hire someone else for months!” She had a messed bun of red hair on her head and looked like she didn’t sleep in a week.

“But… I’m just an intern madame!” Mari tried to explain.

“An intern?” The woman paused her packing and stared at the girl with wide eyes.

“Um… Madame Sarah Jackson?” 

“Yes. An intern…” She said in a disappointed voice to herself. “Ah! That’s no problem at all!” She started to tap on her Waynetech Tablet and after a moment she smiled. “There! You’re hired!”

“Wha…?!” Mari shouted, but was interrupted when Sarah pushed the tablet into her hand, followed by a large box full of documents and a small mug with a coffee bean pointing a gun at the reader and words ‘Your Coffee or your life!’.

“They are your problem now! Everything you need is in the box. I left detail about ongoing stuff and whatever you might need. Don’t call. I’m outta here!” She shouted before grabbing her personal belonging and leaping into the elevator.

“But…! But…!?” Mari shouted after the closing doors. She could hear a cheerful shout as the elevator left the level. 

--------------------------------------

Next

[yourneighborhooddisaster]

Ravenous

Touch Starved Patton! I haven’t actually written stuff like this before, and I guess it could be read shippy, but it can also be read completely platonic. I would say warnings, sympathetic janus and remus, but they’re blessings. 

Warnings: touch starvation, angst, hurt/comfort (kinda), not everybody really gets along but that’s okay

Comments and constructive criticism are appreciated!!! Reblogs are cherished!! Also I’m just really excited I was able to stick to a deadline!

Fic under the cut. Please ask to be tagged! I’d be honored. Also you are always able to be removed from the taglist if you read something you don’t like or is triggering!!! I won’t be offended!

@genderfluidmoma @emiisanxious (that’s what you meant right? if not sorry)

All of the sides had needs.

They weren’t people. They were fully aware that they were all a fraction of a person, and they all cared for Thomas very much. They didn’t envy being a person, especially through all the wild stuff that was going on in the world right now. Technically, the sides didn’t need to eat, or sleep, even though it was possible for them to do so, as long as it was imagination food or during the night when Thomas was already asleep. But they did have needs.

Everyone was fully aware of Roman’s needs. Stimuli. Some sort of creative fuel. Even watching a documentary with Logan and Thomas could help him if he was in a particularly bad block. That’s part of the reason he loved Disney so much, and Patton always made sure they had time to watch a cartoon before bed when Roman was feeling down.

Logan’s primary need was obvious, although he hated to admit that he needed things, insisting it was to help Thomas. It did help Thomas, but not as much as it helped Logan. Logan needed structure and rules. It made a lot of sense. So sometimes when Patton noticed Logan’s smiles becoming tight, or when Patton felt he might not be listening to him enough, he would grin and ask what was on the schedule for that day.

Virgil was under a lot of stress lately, and that was because, as much as a lot of social interaction could overwhelm him, Virgil needed positive interactions with Thomas’s friends. Patton suspected that the sides may also be in that category, but he didn’t quite know, so he didn’t want to assume. He would often bug Thomas to call or text Joan, knowing Virgil wasn’t the best at bringing his own issues up.

Janus was tricky. Patton’s first instinct would be that Janus needed Thomas to take care of himself, but they all needed that, and Janus hadn’t seemed to suffer more than the others when Thomas missed the callback. Patton didn’t know Janus too well, but he knew him enough to finally understand that he was a little like Logan. Janus needed to be listened to. So if Roman and Janus had fought and Janus was sulking, Patton would insist that Janus pick a movie to watch with him. (And if Roman slunk out to watch Hamilton with them, well, two birds with one stone, right?)

Remus should have been a difficult one, and Patton would never admit that he had known right away. But Remus was simple. Patton didn’t really understand Remus’s thought process, and he probably never would, at least not all the way. But Patton understood Roman’s, and he wasn’t oblivious, no matter how much he was portrayed that way. Remus needed attention. He needed time, he needed the sides, he needed Thomas, and most of all, he needed to talk. So when Patton was up for it (and even sometimes when he really wasn’t), he would invite Remus to bake with him, as it was something they both, surprisingly, enjoyed, and something they both, unsurprisingly, were terrible at.

All of the sides had needs.

Patton wished he didn’t.

His was simple. Predictable. Expected, even. But it was just… so embarrassing. Because Patton needed physical touch, and didn’t that sound clingy and awful. Of course he could try to play it off, and he did. He was just happy pappy Patton, soft cuddly Patton, just your Dad Patton trying to give you a hug, kiddo! He felt so guilty all the time. And it hurt even more now that he was trying not to repress his negative emotions, because when he did admit he was feeling sad, everyone treated him as if he was made of glass. He dreaded when they asked him if he wanted to be alone, because no, he absolutely did NOT. And he says yes anyway. He wants to be normal, so why wouldn’t he? He knew none of the other sides wanted - needed this. It was okay though. He could always get in at least a hug or a high five in a day.

Until now.

Patton slumped against his door. He hadn’t been touched all day. He was frighteningly cold, but he didn’t want to go get a blanket. He had lent all of his to Virgil after he had a panic attack, and he wasn’t going to ask for them back. He wasn’t heartless. 

“Thanks Pat, but… could I please be alone for a while?” The words rang in his ears, nearly deafening, though their speaker was quiet and polite. And Virgil was being polite, he had phrased it in the kindest way possible. It was just something wrong with Patton. He shook his head, tears finally rolling down his cheeks. He put on his hoodie to help with the cold, but it didn’t help with the hunger clawing right below his skin. Logan was reading, Roman was editing a video with Thomas, Remus would probably just make him feel worse. And he didn’t want Janus to sense all the lies he’d been telling. The most accessible of the sides was Logan, but Logan would hardly appreciate the interruption, especially as Patton wouldn’t be able to explain exactly why he was interrupting.

He was going to have a long night.

>><<

Patton hummed softly as he flipped some pancakes. He had managed not to burn them this time, even though the shapes were not really circles. Pancakes were easy. At least, he was better at making pancakes than anything else.

Logan’s better at it though. 

Patton shook away the thought. It made sense that Logan would be better at something as adult and precise as cooking. Baking was where Logan was in need of help. Measurements usually fluctuated more in baking. Though Patton wasn’t really good at that either. He was usually a disaster in the kitchen, probably because he represented Thomas’s inner child, which was why he wasn’t offended when Logan declined the offer of pancakes, instead going to the commons to help Thomas schedule the day. Well, maybe a little offended. But not much. Logan had been under stress lately too, as quarantine tended to blur all the days together. So Patton dug into his pancakes himself, covering up all potential mistakes by drowning it in cheap quality maple syrup.

“Ooh, did you make pancakes, Patty-cake?” Remus all but bounced into the room. Patton put on a wide beam and nodded. Remus was still wearing his pajama pants and was shirtless, though he was definitely a morning person, so it was likely he’d already been up for a few hours. “I want some!” Patton laughed at that, pointing at a plate right next to the stove.

“The hot ones are over there, and make sure to tell me if you want anymore. If we do end up making more though, you’re on egg duty.” Remus half pouted, even as he shoveled pancakes onto his plate.

“But I like it when you get the shells in. It makes it crunchy.” Patton huffed, pretending to be offended. “Oh come on Patton, you know I compli-meant it!” Patton stifled a giggle, though a little unsuccessfully.

“Oh, that was bad even for me…” Remus shrugged, utterly unashamed. A lock of hair fell into Patton’s face, and he instinctively brushed it away, not really noticing his sticky fingers making a shiny trail up his cheek.

But he noticed when his fingers were replaced by something else.

Patton froze, his face hotter than the pan on the stove. (He should turn that off, his brain registered dumbly, but he was too much in shock to care if the mindscape could burn down.) Remus was clearly satisfied, grossly swirling his sticky sweet spit in his mouth. Tears pricked at Patton’s eyes, and he knew he was being stupid. Remus was lewd and touchy with everyone. He wasn’t special, and Remus certainly didn’t need this like he did. Remus just loved to be loud and obnoxious and throw everyone off.

Then why’d it feel so intimate and wonderful?

Why would he want such a gross touch?

“What’s got you so nervous Mr. Moral Compass?” Remus was watching him with a self satisfied smirk. “Did I do something to upset you?” That should have been reassuring, that Remus was happy and just his normal self. If everyone was happy, Patton would be happy, because he had no reason to be sad. No reason at all…

Patton broke out into loud ugly sobs. Crumpling to the floor, he was vaguely aware of Remus panicking, and no, he really didn’t want to burden him, and it just became worse when more people ran into the room. He couldn’t hear anything over the rush of blood in his ears, and blurry tears distorted his vision and fogged up his glasses, which were slowly sliding off his nose. But then two hands gently grabbed his wrists, and they didn’t let go, and his wrists were burning but all he could think was more, more, more. And then a hand landed on his shoulder, but it was much too hesitant. Another hand over his heart, and that seemed to do it ever so slowly. The tears stopped and his breathing slowed.

But he may have preferred the rush of blood in his ears to the stressed silence. He made a move to wipe at his eyes only to find his hands still restrained. A blur of yellow - Janus - removed his glasses, cleaned them, and wiped the excess tears away before placing them gently back on his face. He was surrounded by faces, but only Logan and Virgil were touching him, and he felt so, so clingy, because this definitely wasn’t enough even though he should be grateful they were even still touching him. Thomas looked terrified. Patton dropped his head in shame and guilt.

“I’m-”

“Don’t,” Roman replied quickly, already knowing what Patton was about to say. “You have nothing to apologize for. My brother, on the other hand-” “No!” Remus was still looking panicked on the sidelines, and what Roman would’ve said next would have everything even worse. “It’s not his fault, he didn’t do anything.” Patton squirmed, his whole body on fire. Virgil made a move to retract his hand from Patton’s chest. And Patton. WHIMPERED, SO EMBARRASSINGLY LOUD. Virgil froze. “No, I’m sorry, I didn’t mean to, of course you guys don’t have to touch me if you don’t want-”

“Patton.” Janus spoke calmly and slowly, as if he was trying to understand something. “So the problem is you want people to touch you, and you aren’t getting that attention you need, correct?” Patton nodded, biting his lip bloody so he wouldn’t make such a weak, embarrassing little noise again. All heads swiveled towards Janus, but he simply, albeit hesitantly, took off his gloves and cape and moved closer. Virgil and Roman glared defiantly at him, but one look from Patton and they stepped aside, and Logan gently released his hands, leaving Patton nearly about to cry again about the loss of contact. “I know this normally would be a little… inappropriate, considering our only newfound truce, but…” Janus spread his arms open wide. It was preposterous. Why would Patton hug Janus, even with their agreements? A ridiculous notion. (Now he was starting to sound like Logan.)

Patton jumped into the other’s arms.

He was suffocating, choking on air and new tears but he buried his head into the all encompassing warmth around him. Six arms squeezed him so tight and so close he felt like he was in a vacuum, but he didn’t mind at all. After a few minutes it started to get to be too much, but Patton didn’t want to ever let go at the same time, and he was just so confused. Janus seemed to sense this and he broke away. His hands were still holding Patton’s forearms.

“Hey, you’re not going to feel that bad ever again, okay? We won’t let that happen,” Janus murmured soothingly, and Patton shakily nodded because he didn’t even care if it was all a lie because it was so pretty and it felt so good. “Do you want to hear about what that was or would you rather just come watch a movie?”

“You know?” Janus nodded at Remus.

“Wait, how come you know and I don’t?” Logan was rather flustered and panicked looking. They all were, Patton realized.

“It’s touch starvation. Patton’s been lying to himself about it for a long time. He has a crucial need for physical touch.” Virgil inhaled sharply, and Roman glanced over Patton, but refused to quite meet his eyes. Logan gasped.

“I’m so sorry, Patton.” Patton blinked at the sudden and quick apology from Logan, who always struggled with admitting he was in the wrong. “I didn’t realize that by limiting my physical affection towards you I was harming you in any way. Can I… can I do anything to fix my behavior?” Patton smiled sadly.

“It’s okay Lo, I know you guys don’t really need it like I do. We’re sides, not people. You wouldn’t have assumed I was affected by things like that.”

“What - what did I do?” Remus asked tentatively. “I mean, I know I was being gross and all, but I touched you. I’m a very touchy person. So what happened to make you all snotty?” He immediately winced at his own wording, but Patton knew this was rather gentle for him.

“I just… I guess I couldn’t handle that you were only doing it to get a rise out of me… And it’s kinda started to burn when I get touched because I feel so cold the rest of the time.”

“Overstimulation,” Logan supplied helpfully. Patton nodded, and their conversation lapsed into silence. Then Thomas walked towards Patton, Janus helping him to his feet and guiding him into Thomas’s arms. He was exhausted but even the much looser two armed hug sent his heart and skin and mind spiraling into fireworks. They settled onto the couch.

“We got you, okay Pat? We’ll be more careful from now on.” 

And Virgil would just have to trust that Patton understood, because before he replied, Thomas and Patton had fallen fast asleep.