#he really is like an evil little cherub

[hausofmamadas]

OH THIS SONG CHOICE YOU SLY MF YOU, OKAY I SEE ITFULLY SEE IT, THE FUCKING VISIONSKDJ

Bc the ‘wanna feel good’ when he’s like fist bumping (elbow bumping(?)) Kitty after they just shot up a tank in a suburban neighborhood KSSKKS clad in Versace and leather fucking loafers which is the most impractical footwear I can think of if you’re taking on the Mexican military with assault rifles but it’s fine and the ‘lay down with some good kush,’ and him smoking the joint at the wedding n on the hammock, you KNOWWWWWW how much I live for the words match the visuals, nothing makes me kick my feet with glee more. Idk even what it is but there’s something bout it that’s so goddamn satisfying to watch.

Also the use of cool filters (and are those also motion effects I see?) lends a degree of swagger that fits so perfectly with our boi here. Veryveryvery cool creative choice and tbh v inspiring for me as a vid maker, like idk why I usually don’t touch that stuff but I feel like it’s really such a game changer, esp when the song is a jaunty lil bop like this one. Like I really should stop being so intimidated by switching shit up a little bit sksks

[x]

[peonysgreenhouse]

-`♡´- return.

summary: the obey me datables & luke react to mc coming back to life!

tags: obey me datables (simeon, solomon, diavolo, barbatos) x gn!reader, luke & gn!reader, hurt/comfort, implied character death, mentions of violence in solomon's parts, solomon goes a little crazy teehee

i. simeon

he sees you there, in the celestial realm. he had known your soul was pure from the very beginning, but seeing you among the angels was like a knife to his gut, a reminder of his failures to protect you. 

you weren’t supposed to be here, not now, at least. it was far too early for you to die. simeon can’t help but feel bitterness well up within him as you turn from michael to look for someone in the crowd (he knew it was him. he hoped it was him).

your features light up – simeon feels his heart skip a beat. even now you were just as he last remembered you, he had always taken the time to visit you in the devildom, even after his internship was over. you more beautiful than any angel he had ever seen. 

you embrace him tight, and the tighter you squeeze the more he feels like he can’t breathe, the combating feelings waging a war in his mind. he should’ve been watching over you; what kind of guardian angel was he to let his human die like this?

“i’m sorry,” he doesn’t know why his voice cracks when he says it. simeon? losing his composure? he had garnered many millennia of years of experience working to keep it up. “i’m sorry i didn’t protect you.”

“it’s okay simeon,” he feels your hands squeeze the back of his cloak. a wicked thought crosses his mind; maybe if you dug your nails in harder he would have some penance for his failures. if you cut through the bone and marrow and reached his heart then maybe his father would forgive him – maybe you would forgive him for his short-comings. “i’m here now.”

“right,” he breathes you in as if to convince himself. simeon feels the strength of his bond with you overwhelm him, he can feel how much you care for him and he feels his chest fill with warmth, chasing away his guilt, if for the moment. “you’re here forever. with me. nothing can hurt you here, i promise.”

ii. luke

luke had always told you to be mindful of demons, that they were evil creatures who would take any opportunity to kill you. it had seemed that his warning had proved true in the worst way. if only he hadn’t been a cherub; if uriel had promoted him to be your guardian angel like he had asked, maybe this could’ve been avoided.

but he was overwhelmed with how happy he was at the fact that you would be spending time with him forever in the celestial realm. he had wanted nothing more ever since you had become friends in the devildom. you were the one light for him in the exchange program.

“you’re here!” luke chirps, sprinting down the golden bricks of the road to the archangels’ house. “you’re really–!” you’re suddenly enveloped in a hug as luke wraps himself around your waist. 

“hello luke!” you smile from ear to ear, ruffling up his neat hair. usually, he’d make a comment about you not treating him like a child, but for now it seems he’s too busy nuzzling into you. “it’s good to see you again.”

“yes! i’m happy to see you,” he pulls away, cheeks visibly flushed. “i’m sorry that i wasn’t there to protect you from those mean old demons but… everything will be fine now that you’re here!”

“would you like to give them a tour of the celestial realm?” michael chimes in with a smile, the younger angel’s eyes lighting up like a christmas tree.

luke nods excitedly, taking your hand in his, already tugging you out of the estate: “we have so much to do! we can’t waste any time!”

iii. solomon

solomon spirals hard.

there was a reason solomon pushed everyone away, why most people in his life were kept an arms length apart. he got too attached to things; to power, to magic, to anything that gave him that needed adrenaline rush… why would you be any different? you, the only person he has ever loved had been snatched out of his hands.

and worst of all, he had been powerless to save you. 

all the magic and demon pacts and connections in the world couldn’t stop you from bleeding out in his arms. humans like you were much too fragile for his liking; he had worked tirelessly his whole life to be anything but.

if he couldn’t get what he wanted from the damned, he would have to turn his eyes to the celestial realm. if he had to tear down the heavens and bring you crashing back down to earth, he’s sure he would. 

making bonds with angels was much more difficult than that of demons, but he found after nights of endless research that plucking a few of their feathers would get them to sing. 

he’s covered in golden ichor when he manages to bring you back – a life for a life. he finally was able to do it, not only to bring a human back to life, but to bring you back. solomon rises, shakily, as you feel your body materialize out of the magic sigil etched into the floor. he smiles gently, looking at you as if you were the only thing that mattered.

so why do you look back at him with such horror?

iv. diavolo

he had bargained with the archangels before, but never for a life.

in all accounts, a human choosing to leave the celestial realm and go to the devildom was unheard of. being cast out of heaven was notoriously the worst punishment anyone could receive.

but you do, you would always choose him over all the luxuries and beauty of the heavens every single time. it was true that love made people do stupid things.

michael sends you back to the devildom months after diavolo’s terms were set, a gift with the price of owing the ruler of the celestial realm a favor. michael was known for his kindness, but diavolo knew that there was more to him than that. he was smart enough to know that michael would never jeopardize the devildom, but angels never forgot debts owed. it was a risk, but one diavolo had no choice but to take. 

above all the benevolence and good-will he draped himself in, at his core, he was a selfish demon; perhaps moreso than anyone else in the devildom. 

he holds you against his chest the whole night. in the morning, he’d have duties and meetings to go to. but for now, you were his. 

“little one,” he mumbles into your hair, hands tight around your waist, “make a pact with me. that you may be at my side forevermore.”

v. barbatos

in so many other timelines he sees you, shining, alive. he starts to resent the other versions of himself for being happy with you (or even worse, happy with any of the others). barbatos could pull you out as easily as he could breathe; he had a mastery over his powers that other lower demons could only imagine. 

but it wouldn’t be the same, he reminds himself, it wouldn’t be his version of you. 

he knew the way to get you back, it’d be to break his own rule: do not interact with the past. diavolo had given him permission to bring you back, it would be a stain on the exchange student program if one of the humans came back dead after the second semester. but he wasn’t so sure, what if the you he brought back wasn’t the you he remembered? 

barbatos does it anyways, knowing he can’t refuse an order from his lord. the you in the celestial realm will be erased from existence replaced with the you of the past, the one who doesn’t know what it’s like to die. the two can only hope it doesn’t cause drama in the celestial realm.

“barbatos?” you question as you walk in the gardens with him, completely oblivious to it all. if he hadn’t been so happy that you had returned, he would feel guilty for not telling you of your death. sometimes, ignorance was bliss. “are you okay? you seem more quiet than usual.”

“do i?” he muses, forcing a soft smile for you. “i’m afraid i’m simply just a bit tired. sleep evaded me last night.” the last part wasn’t a lie.

“sorry to hear that,” you pout, “if you want to go nap, you should!

“do you not wish to spend time with me?”

“it’s not that…” you kick at the ground, arms crossed behind your back. “it’s just we have all the time in the world though, right? i want you to be rested when we’re together.”

he feels as if you’ve struck him with an arrow to his chest. barbatos sees your lifeless body in his mind, did you know and were trying to taunt him? or were you simply just this sweet?

“i suppose you’re right.” he nods his head, “but you’re coming with me.”

[justanotherhh]

some trailer things:

big fight around lust/ozzie's place that involves m&m and loona + we know fizzarolli is going to make another appearance, so i wonder how that'll connect potentially. also, new villain?

obvs the whole section of CHERUB working with DHORKS and this massive thing/portal:

john waters big villain episode???? (ghostfuckers from the looks of things)

also more crossdressing in that same episode + millie vs possessed blitz? both millie and blitz giving some evil dead type vibes?

more on stolas' whole social sphere and potential judgement and hell's class politics related to his dating blitz + p much confirmed that blitz will not take stolas' gift in the spirit it was intended

also, "you fucks think you can do this every time-" feels not just like it's about the wider class issues in hell, but maybe like it's personal (potentially with verosika? although it does seem like it's canon that he had more than a little bit of a hand in ending that relationship, so could just be him echoing everything he's been seeing in the treatment of imps and putting that onto stolas in this moment)

and then "thank you blitz, for making me so happy, even for a little while" is during this moment too. lot of teasers for how this is gonna go down (badly, upsettingly, emotionally)

the whole "do you feel any remorse for what you do" feels like a misdirect -- that is, it's edited to look like it's about blitz, but i feel like it's directed at stella or her brother

generally a lot of fun stolas visuals that i won't get into here, but am excited to see more contexts for

also this isn't new, but im always interested in blitz's heart/broken-heart forehead marking

blitz and tilla moment! generally more flashbacks (in the shape of blitz seeming to be almost at the movies, watching his own "failures") around the time of the fire! i didn't see any barbie stuff, alas, but the rest of it looks !!! also lowkey confirmed it was cash who stopped blitz from seeing fizz in hospital

who's this?

another sin? maybe related to ozzie and/or stolas and that judgement of the kinds of people they love?

blitz protecting stolas - maybe from the above, considering the hand motif of it all... stolas really living the life of blitz as a romantic hero, while blitz is barely holding it together as a person the whole time. different genres, my guys. different genres (that's their real communication issue)

this fuck-you-blitz cake looks like a verosika thing to do, esp considering it's her calling him shitty in the VO -- but yay, maybe giving that verosika catharsis, but also generally just verosika!

also the VO part where he says he doesn't want to be this way, he's wearing the same shroud as during his confrontation with verosika. idk, im just. contexts for things. i am curious

is the below also the same episode? I'd think so. it's set during halloween (?) and blitz is then maybe in the blood-covered shroud (costume? undercover? going undercover as a ghost? post-breakup stalking undercover ghost costume?)

MAMMON! and he looks pleased. oh dear.

this blitz + fizz moment

it kinda looks like blitz is wearing the same tee as when he and stolas have their moment + a horse bag + fizz casual wear. fizz generally in this trailer seems to be having the best time (outside the flashbacks). everything makes me suspicious all the time

(also generally hello all the different outfits coming up!!)

fascinated by this:

is that millie?

things we didn't see:

no barbie, no striker, no crimson, no asmodeus (directly, although his imagery is everywhere + fizz and mammon appear), no paimon -- this not to say none of them will show up, but am enjoying that a lot of this is clearly pulling from s1, with the focus on verosika, DHORKS, and CHERUB -- potentially a lot of the s2 villains need some time to lick their wounds a bit (and paimon was never a Villain, just a terrible parent... if he ever returns though...)

and barbie... i do want to see barbie again soonish ngl, she needs some proper introducing, but this is already giving so much callback and continuation of immediate plot-threads, very excited

[borzoilover69]

Not really a big "dirk and jake should have a kid" guy HOWEVER i do think the funniest way for them to have a kid is..

..jake finds a frigging cherub egg.

hes so enamoured by the concept of this kid from outer space (cough harleyisms cough couhg) hes like DIRK we HAAAAVE to keep it and see if it hatches and absolutely NOBODY is on board but somehow they keep it anyway.

Anyways this cherub kid is obvs taking after both of them in some way.

The red side takes after Dirk (specifically hal). Has a noted disconnect with emotions, logical, somewhat snarky, stares too much, expounds at length, and who Dirk is 100 percent sure is possibly evil. If he knows a kid like him he knows that little guy has problems.

The green side takes after Jake. Saccharinely sweet, confident and seems to like people. Nobody really suspects this green side is anything bad. Theyre perfectly charming and eloquent.

However heres the kicker... nobody suspects green and dirks one hundred percent sure its possibly red but under greens saccharine sweet appearance is someone who will shove you under the bus and frame you for kicking a cat and then bat its big ole eyes and say "who me? i havent a clue what youre on about." uses ignorance as a weapon.

The other one, though somewhat offputting, calculating, and apathetic, is well intentioned.. if somewhat of a jerk by proxy of being dead honest and blunt.

[sprinkleonthatcriticism]

Just finished the new Helluva boss short: Mission: Wee-a-boo-boo and I want to say, it's pretty good (warning for spoilers)

I really love the design for the woman that Blitz has to kill for his cilent because of, what I assume is the client was being cyberbullied by this woman or the client was being brutally harassed by her fans to the point that they'd killed theirselves.

Honestly, They don't really explained how the client died so I just assume that it's either because of suicide because of what the girl did or they simply just died in an accident or whatever and decided that they want to put a hit on her lol

Also just realize that in this scene Blitz is activating the asmodean crystal by just rubbing it.. I'm gonna assume it's suppose to mimic how you rub someone's ya know because if you remember in the infamous penguin short (the one where the penguins are calling them slurs) the crystal only activates if you perform a sex act on it or something, idk lol

Also, I have a lot of questions about this scene.. she is wearing this sort of necklace that blocked Blitz's attack which she claims that it's official merch from an anime that she had watched.

Which if that's the case, how the hell is it magical if it's just some piece of plastic?? I'm guessing it's the pentagram on it and not gonna lie, when that scene happened I thought this girl was gifted some sort of magical ambulant by the Cherubs to protect her (as well as to fuck with Blitz because they probably somehow know what he is up to) or that she's secretly an angel but that was until I saw the pentagram and of course, what she had said.

Also, miss opportunity to use the word "Monster fucker" instead of "Monster lover" since that's what some people who want to fuck a monster or mythical creature are called :P

Also, love the Rawr paddle in the background, obvious nod to the infamous yaoi paddle

And finally, I love her sinner design.. the color scheme is so adorable and I love that ironically she's suppose to be a chubby cat demon considering what she called herself in that episode before her death.

Not sure about the wings though, I would've personally kept the wings out while keeping her cat like appearance but I do love the fact that her stockings turn into little demons or evil cat stockings.. I think that's really funny/creative :3

Unless their actually now fused to her legs considering there's two pink hooves on them.

[v-e-l-v-e-t-g-o-l-d-m-i-n-e]

“Cherub child,” I said. I did a bold thing, maybe even a defiant thing. I reached out and mussed his snaggled curls. He is smaller than me physically, but he didn’t seem to mind this gesture. In fact, he smiled, shook his head, and reclaimed his hair with a few casual strokes of his hand. His cheeks went apple-perfect suddenly, and his mouth softened, and then he lifted his right fist, and teasingly struck me hard on the chest. Really hard. Show-off. Now it was my turn to smile and I did. “I can’t remember anything bad between us,” I said. “You will,” he responded. “And so will I. But what does it matter what we remember?” “Yes,” I said, “we’re both still here.” He laughed outright, though it was very low, and he shook his head, flashing a glance on David that implied they knew each other very well, maybe too well. I didn’t like it that they knew each other at all. David was my David, and Armand was my Armand. - Lestat and Armand, Memnoch the Devil (1995)

He looked at me, and a faint charming smile brightened his face. "Don't fear for me, little devil Armand," he said. "Fear for all of us. I am nothing now. I am nothing." In a low voice I whispered to him my plan. "Let me go down into the streets, let me steal from some mortal, some evil being who has wasted every physical gift that God ever gave, an eye for you! Let me put it here in the empty socket. Your blood will rush into it and make it see. You know. You saw this miracle once with the ancient one, Maharet, indeed, with a pair of mortal eyes swimming in her special blood, eyes that could see! I'll do it. It won't take me but a moment, and then I'll have the eye in my hand and be the doctor myself and place it here. Please." He only shook his head. He kissed me quickly on the cheek. "Why do you love me after all I've done to you?" he asked. There was no denying the beauty of his smooth poreless sun-darkened skin, and even as the dark slit of the empty socket seemed to peer at me with some secret power to relay its vision to his heart. He was handsome and radiant, a darkish ruddy glow coming from his face as though he'd seen some powerful mystery. - Lestat and Armand, The Vampire Armand (1998)

[emiimagination]

Headcanons about Angel Lucifer

Howdy guys 😄✨

New year, new headcanons post ^^

This time, it's more about Lucifer when he was in Heaven and about his Archangel brothers

Lucifer and his Archangel brothers were born in the midst of Darkness by the hand of the All-Creator. He is the one who brought the Light by coming into the world, hence his first name Lucifer and his title of Bringer of Light.

Lucifer's full name is Lucifer Samael Venus Morningstar.

Lucifer is the oldest of the Archangels (with Michael who is his twin) but he is also the smallest. But his very small size is matched only by his impressive power, making him the most powerful of the Archangels.

Each Archangel has a very specific role and title:

Lucifer the Bringer of Light; illuminated the Darkness, allowing Heaven to be established and Creation to begin.

Michael the Protector of Heaven; confronted Evil to push it back beyond Limbo, creating Hell.

Raphael the Guide of the Innocents; guides lost souls to Heaven.

Azrael the Judge of Souls; judges souls after their death to let them ascend to Heaven or make them fall into Hell.

Uriel the Voice of Times; can see the Past and the Future, makes prophecies that have always proven true.

Gabriel the Messenger of the Realms; has the right to travel between the Three Realms to transmit messages or Uriel's prophecies.

Each Archangel has a different physique even though they all have six wings like the Seraphim.

Michael and Lucifer are twins so they are physically very close even though Michael is the taller of the two. They are both blond with blue eyes, red cheeks and a very slender figure. Lucifer had golden edge wings and sky blue inside while Michael has royal blue edges and white inside. Lucifer wore a blue and gold edged alb with a star on his chest, just like his halo looked like a crown with a star in the center while Michael wears a alb with royal blue sleeves and gold details on his chest that represent a long sword and his halo is the one in the shape of an arrow, like a helmet to protect his head.

Raphael is the tallest of the Archangels, slender but with a thin figure and matte skin from being outdoors, his hair is brown and often badly combed since he is often outdoors. He wears clothes reminiscent of pilgrims, often having a walking stick in his hand, and wears rings composed from the energy of his brothers on his chest in order to always have them with him. His halo is quite simple with the tip moving like a compass in order to always guide him to Heaven. His wings are the most powerful, with white interiors and earth-colored edges.

Azrael is the darkest of the Archangels, whether by his hair or his black eyes (his pupils are light blue) or his long black coat that he wears constantly since the fall of Lucifer, his hood often pulled down over his head to hide it. Even his wings are black with silver edges. It is not uncommon to see him sharpening his scythe, he himself says that it is the only music he appreciates since Lucifer is no longer there to play the music he loves so much. No one really knows his height since he is always hunched over, as if crushed by grief, but he is uncompromising when it comes to judging a soul.

Uriel is the largest of the Archangels, a little shorter than Raphael and very square. His halo is the most complex, as if composed of several circles that revolve around his head. His alb is composed of pastel colors with blue and purple details with a large golden eye on his chest. His hair, once sky blue, turned white after the fall of Lucifer, always carefully styled so that his face is clear, his white wings having iridescent reflections like soap bubbles and his eyes are purple with golden pupils, always seeming lost in Time, always searching for something.

Gabriel is of average height, quite thin and with a round youthful face with dark blond hair as curly as a cherub's and joyful eyes of a beautiful olive green. His alb is green with white and gold fleur-de-lis details and his halo is the simplest, resembling just a small crown. His wings, reminiscent of those of a dove, have green edges while the inside is gold.

Lucifer's first creation was the Morning Star, hence his name Morningstar, before he created the stars, the constellations and then the Moon and the Sun. Except that when he wanted to continue creating, his ideas were too eccentric according to the Creator Angels.

Gabriel is the youngest of the Archangels, born after the Creation of Heaven and raised by his brothers. It was Lucifer who taught him to fly. He still had the appearance of a child when Lucifer fell into Hell.

Uriel saw the Fall of Lucifer and tried to protect his brother by preventing him from approaching Creation and therefore Lilith… but we all know that he failed.

None of Lucifer's brothers like Lilith. They blame her for their brother's fall even though they all blame themselves for not being there to listen to him.

All the Archangels suffered from the loss of Lucifer:

Michael locked himself away in work, only coming out during major events or to train the Celestial Militia.

Raphael traveled the entirety of Heaven and even sometimes the Earth in the form of a pilgrim, hoping to forget his brother's fate.

Azrael became even darker than he was, isolating himself in Death and regularly losing himself in limbo. Since the fall of Lucifer, he has never smiled again. He seems to be the one who suffer the most.

Uriel is now afraid of the prophecies he sees, knowing that they will come true no matter what Heaven does. He saw the birth of Charlie and the arrival of an Antichrist who will cause a great change for the Three Realms… but the Future of this Antichrist is too vague for him to know if the Future will be positive or negative.

Gabriel tries to be the one who brings happiness to his brothers, as Lucifer did, but he suffers terribly when he hears others accuse his brother of the worst horrors. For him, Lucifer is his beloved big brother, too kind to be the Monster that is described to him.

Michael is the only one (with Gabriel) to see Lucifer regularly even if their meetings are rare and a sign of seriousness.

Lucifer is angry with his brothers for not having supported him during the trial and for having abandoned him. The only one for whom he has no resentment is Gabriel who was too young.

I don't use Archangels much in my fictions in general but they are mentioned in "And there was Light…" and maybe they will be used more later.

I would be curious to have your opinions on Archangels ^^

[flower-boi16]

Hazbin's Opening Monologue is Awful

In many series, an opening monologue is the first introduction the audience gets for the main story, as it's meant to give context and introduce the viewer to the world the story takes place in. Hazbin's opening monologue exists to have that same function, giving you an introduction to the setting of the series and, more specifically, the creation of hell.

While it technically functions fine at giving an origin to the creation of hell as well as giving a reason for why Lucifer is depressed...it also creates SO MANY big issues within just the first TWO MINUTES of the series, world-building holes, general plot holes, and completely undermining the whole point of the show. It is the textbook definition of how NOT to do an opening monologue. So, let's dissect this disaster of a monologue, going over all the problems it creates and how it effectively killed the show in just two minutes, shall we?

The World-Building Holes

I'll just go over several plot holes that the monologue creates starting with the origin of the sins. So Hell was created due to Lucifer giving Eve the Adam's apple and letting evil set loose in the earth, and they were banished for their recklessness. Makes sense, however, the monologue doesn't explain how life in Hell came to be. Was it created alongside the realm or what? What's the origin of the sins? Are they fallen Angels like in christian lore or are they creations of hell? The show doesn't explain or answer these things, it leaves them hanging.

And no, you can use actual christian lore for this stuff because A. The show should explain this stuff itself rather than leaving you to go to outside sources and B. Hazbin and Helluva do not follow basic christian lore, rather they use christian mythos as a tool to tell their own story and make up their own world-building and lore, which is completely fine, but if the shows are aiming to be different than normal christian mythos than it needs to explain how it's own versions of Heaven and Hell work.

Speaking of Heaven; God. In Helluva Boss's fourth episode, Cherubs, there is a direct reference to god within the episode, meaning that god does in fact exist within this universe. That was probably intended to be a joke but you still can't ignore something you established before; God exists in this universe, yet he never once gets mentioned in this epilogue, so where the fuck is he? Why isn't he in the court with the other angels in Heaven in episode 6? You'd think that would be something where he'd be present, but he isn't (though that's less of a problem with this prologue more just the series as a whole).

While we're still talking about the world-building of Heaven in this prologue, let's talk about the reasons for why Heaven chose to do the exterminations because hooo boy does that have many problems. So Heaven does the exterminations every year out of fear for Hell rising up against them, which makes little sense. First of all, why does Heaven fear Sinners rising up against them when they have literally no way of getting to them?

The show never shows that sinners can have a way of getting to heaven nor does it show them building any kind of technology to get there, so why does Heaven even think of the possibility that Hell would do it? Second, if Hevean really did fear Hell's power...why didn't they just genocide all of Hell immediately??? "Oh, but Adam wouldn't want that since he does the exterminations for fun and wouldn't want that to stop!" except for the fact that in the show Adam is perfectly okay with launching a full genocide of hell when an angel is shown to have been killed meaning that he is perfectly willing to have his "fun" end if it means exterminating all of demon kind. So why didn't he suggest this to Sera before? Also, what's the timeline of events of when this happened? Adam had to have died to be in Heaven at this point so over the course of how many years was this happening?

Also, why didn't the sinners even TRY to fight back against Heaven before? In the pilot it made sense because the reason for it was due to overpopulation, so it was easy believe that the denizens of Hell just accepted exterminations as a normal part of life (or afterlife) living there, but now in the show since we now the real reason why the exterminations happen, it creates a giant issue of why NOBODY IN HELL did something about these exterminations.

The "Heaven did the exterminations because they were afraid of Sinners rising up" is actually the biggest problem within this entire epilogue, not only for the plot holes it creates but also because it does one thing that NO prologue should EVER do.

Undermining the Premise

The premise of the series initially was about a young princess of hell, Charlie, coming up with a different solution to over-population in Hell that doesn't involve yearly genocide. It made perfect sense why Charlie would believe this would work, and it was easy to root for her in the pilot. But now, with the reasoning that Heaven is only doing this because they're scared of Hell's power, this completely breaks the entire point of the show.

Why does Charlie even REMOTELY think she can change Heaven's minds when she KNOWS that Heaven is doing this only for power? Hell, why would ANYONE be on board with this solution when they KNOW it's not gonna work? Why is Vaggie rooting for Charlie when she knows the real reason behind the exterminations? Especially since she, I dunno, WAS AN ANGEL WHO WORKED FOR ADAM.

It undermines the premise of the show completely and takes away any incentive to root for Charlie because she no longer looks determined, she just looks stupid. And, it sets the stage of Hazbin being less about people changing and becoming better and more about a war with Heaven, destroying the entire appeal of the show.

Really, they should have kept the overpopulation explanation because it makes more sense than this shit, and it makes Charlie better to root for because we can see her come up with a better way to handle overpopulation. Instead the show decided to retcon the past explanation for the exterminations and then immediately go back on it in the same episode, great.

Hazbin's opening monologue is a complete failure that creates multiple major plot holes and questions but doesn't answer any of them, instead of giving the viewer the necessary information it just gives them more questions that never get answered. It is a complete failure on every level.

[ghostinthelibrarywrites]

My brain is simply refusing to think of a single thing to ask, so I will ask this: what is one thing that you didn't get to put in a fic this year that you *really* wanted to? Like, maybe it was time constraints or changed plot or whatever the case may be, what was one thing that kind of sucked to lose?

Thank you for the ask! And so many things, so I'll list a few:

The original opening for Came up from that lake of fire, which I wrote before I got to episode 7 and ended up changing to be more canon-compliant. Charles knocked the ferryman out of Hell out with his cricket bat and hijacked the ferry to rescue Edwin. It was very fun and full of hijinks (turns out Charles has never steered a boat in his existence so is very bad at it) so I'm hoping I find a place to use it someday.

There was also an opening of Lake of fire that I considered but never wrote where Charles finds Edwin in a sort-of-casino where demons gamble using souls as currency. Charles was going to attempt to play cards for Edwin's soul, realize he's shit at cards, and set a fire so they could escape. Anyone who's read Lake of fire will know how that was going to go!

Also in Lake of fire, there was originally going to be a chapter where Charles had a little side quest with the Cat King where another Cat King was trying to usurp his throne and he asked Charles for help dealing with it. There was already a lot going on in that fic, so I unfortunately had to cut that, as well as a couple other cases I wanted them to work on, so it wouldn't end up at 200K.

The Dead Boy Detectives having a Moriarty-like nemesis who's this cherubic-faced 8 year old named Georgie who died in the 1800s. He really isn't nearly on the level of villainy Edwin ascribes to him, and is more of a pest than anything, but no one can tell Edwin he isn't some kind of criminal mastermind. I tried to fit him in in Like the slumber that creeps to me and again in it's hard to see me (at least you tried) but he didn't really fit in either story, so he had to go. Maybe I'll find a place to put him some day, because I love the idea of Edwin having this nemesis that he makes out to be an evil genius and then Crystal meets him and is like, "This infant?"

Last but not least, Beneath the winter snow was originally imagined as the lead up to a case fic about Edwin and Charles's first case, helping the ghost of a maid on St. Hilarion's campus find out what happened to the baby she was forced to give up for adoption. I realized I didn't have time to write the case fic and write all the other fics I wanted to write for the holidays, so I had to cut the case aspect of the story and just leave playing in the snow. I was a little sad to abandon the case, but I'm hoping to write that fic someday if I'm not crushed under a pile of my other WIPs.

Director's Cut Ask Game

[afvall]

whumptober day 6! unhealthy coping mechanisms

Wade W Wilson paints his bathroom brain-matter red then gets gay about it with cable

cw refrenced drug use and suicide (but its wade so he's fine!)

wade-typical sex jokes

--

Lord Forgive Me

--

The muzzle of his desert eagle pressed against the roof of his mouth, Wade sliding it back further in his throat, giving it a very sad blowjob. His sanity was slipping and his brain was such a hellish place to be, he’d never really known himself and he knew he never really would, because of shady government organisations and angsty childhood abuse and whatnot. The nightmares were hounding and gorey, overwhelmingly liminal and terrifying. He always felt like he was watching whatever disgusting memory (real or false) his brain had cooked up for him through a frosted window, helpless to change it yet inexplicably forced to watch. But when there were screams, his own or others, and when there was pain, and when there was blood, boy, it was graphic, it was nauseating, it was horrific, it was gross. Wade was a disgusting and dilapidated corpse of a person, one which would revel in its own filth, and he knew this all too well, but apparently even he could be disturbed, especially when it was by his own moral wrongdoings, every shitty thing he’s done. Those dreams hit him harder than blurry recounts of his own traumas.

He pulled the trigger in the way he has so many times before, and good lord, that blissful feeling was the only thing in this world that hit him like a high after so long. He’d exhausted every drug's effects on him, his healing factor got used to coke in his nose and on his gums, pills under his tongue, smoke in his lungs, liquor and smack in his veins, but death? It never got old. It was the only good thing left for him here, and he’d never be able to actualise it before his body and brain began to tug themselves together desperately, and he’d never really felt like he was either his body or his brain, so it made sense they’d go against him, much like every other thing in Wade’s life. His senses always came back slowly, being dropped back into his body one by one. The scent of iron-tinged blood stuck to the palate of his mouth alongside Nate’s vague cherubic scent, which was close to fresh laundry and almond lattes if you were wondering. Warm and heavy hands holding his marred face like it was porcelain and dried blood streaking his healing and repulsive body, the taste of morsels of his own neurons. Shooting out your own brain was never neat.

“Wade… oh, Wade…” ugh, Nate’s voice always sounded like this fantastic mix between an angelic choir and club bass, Wade felt it inside of him in a strangely erotic way as he was still coming to the world around him. Wade was where he left himself, he could see now, which was the bathroom, because cleaning blood out of carpet fucking sucked honestly.

“I'm angsting Nate… stop interrupting me” Wade grumbled, Nate moved his arms around Wade and God, i love my half metal boyfriend, i'm so ontologically evil and bad, what did i ever do to deserve him? And what evil fucked up shit did Nate do to deserve me?

“What happened?” Nate’s non-glowy eye was blue like crystal clear water staring down into white sand, reflecting every ray of sunlight from the sky above. Angelic choir and club bass just asked him a question, yes, we should answer soon.

“Bad dreams… but y’know, pshaw, had my fit about it, i'll help you clean up now!” Wade pushed his sick and sad feelings down into a little ball then shoved them deep into his stomach where they were hard for even him to find. It was getting kind of crowded in his emotional hidey-hole now. Wade began to stand up, Nate’s metal hand pressing down his hip and thigh, not letting him. Nate gave him an incomprehensible yet certainly sad look. But it wasn’t pity. Nate would have less teeth right now if the look was pity. Except, no he wouldn’t, because Wade would never hurt Nate like that, he’s already hurt too many people.

“I love you, Wade” His heart still jumps in his chest whenever Nate says that before it settles into all-encompassing comfort and quiet. That was nice too. That bliss. He supposed that that feeling, Nate’s love, was comparable to the goodness of death. Wade felt tears begin to collect in his waterline, and he tried desperately to stop them. A warm, damp hand towel which Wade hadn’t seen be telekinetically prepared pressed against his collarbones, Nate taking it from his power’s grasp with his flesh hand, metal one still sitting by Wade’s thigh. The white, fluffy fabric stained red as it was so lovingly dragged across Wade’s cancerous skin, soft fibres adoring every imperfection with Nate’s perfect hand guiding them. He looked focused as he worked, and he looked beautiful, Wade beginning to cry as his breath hitched. Nate was too gorgeous and nice to him. Fuck. he looked at Wade and he felt like an icky little bug under a microscope, then Nate sighed, moving the hand towel across Wade’s chest to his upper back, leaning in and pressing a kiss to those mangled (yet now fully healed) lips. It was closer to chaste than obscene, yet it was still wonderfully passionate and made Wade’s head spin.

“Instead of hurting yourself, next time, I want you to talk to me, alright? Please, Wade, tell me you can do that for me.” Nate spoke after disconnecting the kiss, foreheads pressed against each other. Wade was still crying, the sniffling was a bit gross really. Eugh Wade stop it he’s already accepted all your baggage and tumours we don’t know how much more he’s willing to turn a blind eye to. All Wade can really muster is a sad and pathetic sound of agreement. Pathetic!! Awesome robot boyfriend will think you’re pathetic Wade. he’s already having to wipe up all the blood and trace amounts of brain matter stuck to your skin, we’re pushing maximum levels of loser right now.

“Stop worrying, please, i want to make you feel better right now” dirty telepath . Wade huffed, sniffled again, then felt both of Nate’s arms embrace him, Wade breathing heavily and trying to stave his tears off, before accepting it and succumbing to the warbled feeling in his chest, while being held in Nate’s arms.

[apoptoses]

Do you think Daniel sometimes loses his sanity because despite all of it, he really finds Armand adorable and cute sometimes? Because I think he does 😭 like yea yea we get it Daniel, he’s all evil and dead and 500 years old and scary and manipulative, okay, but we all know you collapse to your knees for those little cherub cheeks and those enormous doll eyes in an instant girl 😭

oh daniel is DEFINITELY weak for him being cute but i feel like it's more situational.

like sure, when armand wants something (like yet another toy to destroy, or another pack of cigarettes to toss in the garbage disposal) he can totally turn the big eyes on daniel and give him the puss in boots face. but daniel knows he's putting it on, he gives him what he wants but he's very cognizant of the fact that armand is charming him and he's rolling his eyes as he says yes.

it's the moments armand lets his guard down that get him.

like when he wakes up cranky and hungover, only to stumble into the kitchen and catch armand hunched over a recipe book, trying his damnedest to make daniel toad-in-the-hole for breakfast. and his eyes are all squinted in seriousness and he's biting his lip like a mortal- that is cute, that makes daniel melt inside and forget his pounding headache for a minute.

or when armand is perched on the arm of the couch like an actual gargoyle, trying to read daniel's book over his shoulder. and daniel points out he could just sit down next to him on the sofa, but instead armand slides right into his lap without saying a word- adorable.

or, OR, when armand asks to participate in modern mortal 'getting ready for bed rituals' and puts on one of daniel's t-shirts, pulls back his hair and stands at the sink beside daniel brushing his teeth? that's it, put the announcement in the papers, daniel molloy, dead at 29 of cute vampire brushing his fangs and making faces at the disgusting flavor of cinnamon toothpaste.

so yeah, i think it's when armand is acting the most normal and the most like a mortal boyfriend that gets him and not necessarily his looks. because sure, he's gorgeous, but daniel always focused on his behavior more than his face and in my heart of hearts i feel armand loves him for that ♥

[tamaruaart]

AUGHHHHHH the unyielding urge to redesign Lucifer and Adam from HH cause what.

I've heard Adam's design is 'good' and it's supposed to be simple because he was the first man and is supposed to look like the average guy.

But I will ignore that if/when I redesign him because that is stupid.

It also goes in the topic about how HH romanticized Christianity in the show (a problem most shows have when they depict Christianity but I digress)

The reason it especially annoys me when hazbin is in question is because HH and HB want to focus a bit more on the characters and lore of the bible. And instead of trying to depict it correctly they just choose to romanticize it.

You hear this argument a lot with Greek myth as well. The Greek gods were assholes, so don't romanticize their actions PLEASE. (Ex: Disney's Hercules)

But the difference between Hercules and HH is that Hercules was always supposed to be a family friendly movie. While HH is of course ment for mature audiences.

Which means there's no reason to romanticize it like they did. And when I mean 'romanticize' I mean generally how they depicted heaven with all the pastels and how the cherubs are depicted in HB which all dials down to the art direction.

Also what they did to Saint Peter. Unforgivable.

If it's meant for mature audiences I'd also like to see a more mature representation of the Religion you're depicting.

Also the plot doesn't really make sense when you think about it? Like purgatory is right there?? Please acknowledge your source material lol????

It honestly shocks me cause all this time the purgatory hasn't been mentioned ONCE in the show. So does it even exist??

And if it doesn't... Well, that's just stinky writing-

And for the 'romanticizing' of Christianity (in the art direction more specifically), they could've done that. However in that case they shouldn't have focused so much on religion??

If heaven was only going to be mentioned here and there then sure you could do that. But if you're going to focus SO MUCH on it and going to make it so important to the lore then please treat it with respect?

And with Lucifer- I mean, that just shows how little the writers actually care about depicting the source material semi-accurately.

You give me the literal personification of evil and make him an uwu short king with depression.

I mean that just leads me to think Lucifer is really pathetic as a character when you know a thing or two about him in the bible.

When Lucifer TRICKED Eve into taking the fruit, he wasn't doing it to give her knowledge or something. He was doing it because he wasn't supposed to, because he wants to screw Adam and Eve over. Because he's bad.

I get that's whole thing about HH's Lucifer but still. Lucifer is not HH's character. He's much more than just a character at that.

And that type of approach is also in all honesty pretty disrespectful. You took the being that ruined humanity, that screwed it over, and turn him into... Whatever you call HH's Lucifer.

Like- I mean- Look at these two people and tell me they're supposed to be the same character

The Lucifer on the right looks intimidating and hateful while also being beautiful. Lucifer was the most beautiful angel so that makes sense. Not to mention the Lucifer on the right looks like someone who could kill you in a second.

Whilst the Lucifer on the left is a short, skinny, blond uwu-ass boy. I could take him a fight smh.

And yeah, short people aren't that intimidating I said it. I mean, I wouldn't be scared of my foe if they're the size of an eight year old-

Also, no, I'm sorry but this isn't intimidating at all

It's such an easy fix too. Just make him a bad but helpful character. Make him rude, let him do terrible things and be sadistic, that's the whole point of Lucifer. However, make situations where he has to help Charlie, not because he cares, but because he's too prideful to be made a fool of by heaven.

BOOM! A good way to make Lucifer an actually decent anti-hero of sorts.

Not to mention Lilith isn't an actual character in Christianity. She's only a character in Jewish Religion. Which is like- Yikes-

Please do not mix religions when interpreting them in a media, because that is really easy to do wrong and it's just generally something you shouldn't do.

Now keep in mind:

THIS IS JUST MY OPINION AND MY CONCERNS ON HAZBIN HOTEL. YOU DO NOT HAVE TO AGREE WITH A WORD I SAY.

If you like Hazbin that's genuinely awesome! I'm glad you found something you enjoy, continue doing that!! And honestly everything I say is just the art of adaptation.

These are just my personal takes that I can't keep to myself since I'm the type of person that can't keep shit in her head and has to voice everything-

Tam out-

[magnoliacharmed]

be not afraid

(photo originally posted by @ringer04 - link here)

18+, Edge x Randy Orton one shot

[Also available on Archive of Our Own!]

Tags: Declarations of love, crying during sex, fluff/smut, creampue

Word count: 1468

Summary:

Edge tells Randy he loves him, then shows him just how much he does.

It’s another day and another practice session in the ring. Edge and Randy are finishing up a run with John Cena and Shawn Michaels for an upcoming pay-per-view show. Everyone is pouring sweat, not only from the exertion of the match but the fact that it’s a million degrees outside and on top of that, the arena’s AC unit is busted. The practice goes smoothly enough with Edge practically beaming with admiration at Randy’s performance. His partner was only getting better with time. 

Edge watches Randy as he wipes his drenched face off with a towel. It’s a simple movement, one that usually wouldn’t call any attention to itself. Edge is a man possessed though, so anything his partner does makes his heart swell (along with his dick-- whoops). 

“Shawn still moves pretty well for an old man."

It's a cheap rib on Randy's part. Edge knows there's no vitriol behind it because he's seen Randy at his meanest, when his words bubble from somewhere evil and rarely shown to the light of day.

“Oh give him a break, he’s not that old.” 

“Elderly. Ancient. Decrepit. He’s been in the ring almost as long as I’ve been alive.”

"Decrepit, nice. Did you pull that one from your word-a-day calendar?" 

"Fuck off," Randy laughs, all smiles and sparkles in his eyes. Edge's heart skips a beat when he hears the joy in Randy's voice.

Randy climbs back in the ring, back turned away from Edge to look at the Titantron. The production team is cycling through various entrances to make sure they’re working fine. This is the kind of stuff that catches Randy’s attention from time to time; he’ll stop what he’s doing and just focus, even if whatever he’s focusing on is relatively mundane. The expression on his face steels, his eyes narrow, he’s on alert. Edge likes it when he gets like this, can see the future makings of a menace in the young man. 

Production has had to start Hulk Hogan’s entrance a few times. The music in his intro is busted. Randy turns away from the giant screen, bored with the shenanigans, to be faced with Edge racing towards him, spearing him flat on his back with a loud thud. 

“Jesus you really got me there,” Randy smiles wide. Edge smiles back at him, blinded by the sunny sight of him happy. He hopes to make him smile more often with their little inside jokes and ribs. 

“Always, Randy,” Edge runs a hand through his hair, cocking his head to the side. Fuck it, it was now or never. 

He startles himself with the force in which he grabs each side of Randy’s face. He has to hold onto him tight, really straddle his body to make sure he doesn’t run away. Randy’s expression shifts into something Edge has only seen one in a blue moon— he’s startled by the sudden passion. It’s adorable, he’s such a babyfaced boy with his sparkling eyes and pouty lips. Like a little cherub, Edge's sweet angel. Edge’s heartbeat thunders in his ears. God, what a feeling— love has never quite been this honest for him before. 

“I love you, Randy Orton. I can't imagine life without you.” 

“I— what?” 

Edge knew he was being a little much at the moment. He could be so intense in the way he showed affection. One of the makeup girls told him he's like that because he’s a Scorpio (whatever that means). 

“I said…” A kiss on Randy's forehead, soft and warm. “That…” Lips pressing against Randy’s, urgent and deep. “I. Love. You. I love you. I love—“

“Iloveyoutoo.”

Randy says the words in one big rush, slamming them all together like he was worried they were gonna float away. From the way his lashes flutter and his cock begins to get hard against the inside of Edge’s thigh, Edge knows he means it. And that he’s nervous as hell. 

“Maybe we should get out of here before I rip these little trunks right off you.”

Splotches of red dot Randy’s cheeks. Edge restrains himself from kissing them, knowing that once he gets started it’s hard for him to stop.

 

---

“Don’t run from me, baby. You’re being so good.”

Edge runs his hand through Randy’s hair, scratching his scalp lightly. It makes Randy shiver every time. When Randy chews on his bottom lip to keep from moaning too loudly, Edge shakes his head. The man writhing around below would be the death of him. A slow, lazy pace is set by Edge's hips. Randy is so incredibly warm around him, it's hard to move any faster, even if he wanted to. No, the steady smooth glide of filling Randy up, then dragging himself out, feels like heaven on earth.   

“I wanna hear you.”

“No,” Randy whimpers, then clamps down his lips and clamps down his eyelids, seemingly overwhelmed. It’s nice to see him at a loss for words for once. 

“Please? For me, angel?”

Edge knows he's being syrupy sweet now, so unlike himself. He can't help but to beg, calling Randy cutesy names that he'd punch Edge out for in any other context. Randy seems to bring that side out of him.

"Again… call me that again…"

Randy's fingers tangle roughly into Edge's hair, his body lurching into his. He loves his hair; he's always grabbing at it when they fuck. This isn't fucking though, far from it. Randy always thought it was gross when older people used to say they were "making love"-- now he understands what they mean. To call this fucking debases it into something dirty, animalistic even. It's love, he thinks. Edge is showing him pure, unadulterated love.

"You're an angel Randy. You're my angel, I love you..." Edge chants, prayer occupying his broken voice. As badly as he wants to stick his tongue down Randy's throat, it's much too obscene for the moment. He instead restrains his unseemly instincts to give Randy what he truly deserves-- a kiss that's loaded with all of the words unsaid, the passion that he deeply feels for him.  Soft, but not necessarily gentle. Enough to make their heads spin, to make Randy reach down and touch himself.

"I love you too, fuck, I--"

It's divine intervention when they both come undone at the same time. Randy sobs when he releases, hot tears running down his immaculate cheekbones. When his face is all flushed and twisted up like this, he reminds Edge of a Greek statue, a testament to his beauty that he’s gorgeous under extreme emotions. Pure bliss captures Edge as he comes deep inside of Randy. He's the only one who's ever marked Randy in that way, intertwining them forever and ever. 

“It’s okay, it’s okay. I won’t tell anybody. Your secret’s safe with me,” Edge chuckles lightly in Randy’s ear, then nips it with his teeth. "Crybaby.”

Petulance returns to Randy in a crushing wave. Edge knows exactly what buttons to push to make him get all defensive. Even though he tries to seem upset that his vulnerabilities are being exposed, Edge sees relief too in him.

“I’m not a crybaby.” 

“Oh yeah? Then what do you call this?” With one swipe under Randy’s tear soaked eye, the pad of Edge’s thumb is completely wet. He holds it up to Randy to gauge his reaction. 

“Whatever,” Randy tries to cross his arms in annoyance. 

“Mm-hmm,” Edge sticks his thumb into his mouth while he digs his fingers into Randy’s hip, pressing him into the mattress and holding him there. His eyes shift down to look at the way Randy’s cock is already half hard again. It’s a valiant effort, a real boost to Edge’s ego. 

“You’re so weird,” Red splotches return to color Randy's cheeks.

It's unfair that Edge has to pull himself out of Randy, but he does so as slowly as possible. He's absolutely dying to see his work, his pièce de résistance …

"Oh, it's beautiful. Look at that."

"What? Are you looking at my asshole?"

"Of course I am."

Edge is mesmerized as his come streams out of Randy. It's moving down his crack, about to run onto the bedspread. With a lightning-fast swipe of his tongue up Randy's crack to against his hole, he cleans him up before Randy can even react fully.

"Fuck, you-- you almost put your tongue in there!" 

"Almost," Edge grins. "I can if you want me to." He flicks the tip of his tongue around the bunched up nerves of Randy's hole, tasting his own come.

Randy shudders, at full mast again. Would it really be so bad…? 

"Absolutely the fuck not, that's disgusting."

"Hmm okay, suit yourself then crybaby."

Edge moves away from Randy in a flash, narrowly avoiding being hit with one of the bed's heavy pillows.

[helluva-dump]

Not much to say but here’s one of Azreal’s siblings and Lucy’s auntie, arch Angel Ariel.

Been wanting to do one of my own versions of another arch Angel aside from Azreal and then I recalled my old villain oc for SVTFOE…. I decided to recycle her and just make her my version of Ariel for Hazbin hotel instead.

I forgot what her original name was but ah… I’m just gonna call her Ariel now.

Since Azreal is the Angel of death, his sister Ariel is the Angel of nature. Where she cares for all of God’s beautiful creations such as plants and animals. And like Az, she helped God create Lilith and Eve. But unlike Az and Adam’s dynamic, Ariel actually had a very good friendship with Lilith before the betrayel… it was Eve she had a difficult time being patient with.

Yes, that’s lion cub cherub next to her ❤ his name is Aslan. (I was very inspired by Kero from card captor Sakura) he’s a very loyal little companion and one of the youngest of the cherubs since he’s still a little child. But he’s been through hell and back with Ariel and would help her in big battles to fight off evil demons. This is his preferred form, he’s got a much bigger form where he’s a lion-like monster. Ariel would treat little Aslan like her own little son and always taught him many things about nature and all of it’s beauty. He’s a very brave little kitten that tends to get into himself in trouble but works really hard to be a powerful Angel warrior.

In the folklore, Ariel does have a lion companion and originally I was gonna make him a big lion mate… but ah he would look to similiar to a friend’s oc. And since Ariel is motherly, I think a lion cub is more fitting.

And yes I know male deers have antlers and don’t hate me… I sort of made my version of Ariel be a transwoman. I also imagine her voice claim being contra points cuz why not. As for Aslan, it be Cassandra Lee Morris (Morgana from persona 5)

Lucy and Asland also have a sibling relationship where she’s like a big sister to him. And you can imagine how he can try to come off tough to protect her.

[halemerry]

Reading your blog posts has been a pleasure!

I've been wondering if Crowley and Aziraphale's original ranking in Heaven has anything to do with their dynamics on Earth. Somewhere (in the book and/or the show, I can't remember where right now) Aziraphale is said to be a Principality. On the other hand, Crowley was able to open archives in Heaven that Muriel could not open. She said that they were allowed for Dominions, Thrones, and above. According to Christian angelology, Principalities belong to the lowest rank of angels, while Dominions and Thrones belong to the middle and highest ranks, respectively. So, Crowley must have been at least a Dominion—and therefore ranking above Aziraphale.

It seems to me that Crowley is quite disillusioned by Heaven as well as Hell. I might disagree a little with your blog post where you propose that Crowley has self-esteem issues. It may be that he is just so very weary of the dichotomous battle between Good and Evil, that he is easily frustrated and doesn't give a s**t. He knows better but is quite alone. He is disappointed that Aziraphale has not developed a better sense of the shades of grey. But as a former, quite intelligent senior angel, he has a protective attitude towards Aziraphale, whom he also loves.

Thank you! It's been a lot of fun writing them and engaging with people through them! This is a bit of a messy thing to examine so forgive me if I get a little rambly here, but especially given we now have the context per Neil Gaiman of Aziraphale being a Cherub before he was a Principality the idea of rank has gotten pretty convoluted (in a way that I sort of love). I’ve talked a little before about how the rank of Cherub can kind of exist all over the place and how depending on the hierarchy in question, so it’s not really a particularly good benchmark to use for comparison’s sake. That being said, I do think it’s pretty easy to tell that Aziraphale and the Starmaker are different in ways that persist to their more modern selves.

So, some of the most pervasive and lasting depictions of angels actually divide them by function. Notably, Christianity has a tendency to divide rankings of angels into three different spheres. Basically, the highest sphere is more closely associated with God and creation  and the lowest - which, interestingly enough, traditionally includes archangels - with Earth and humanity.

I think it’s very fun to think of Heaven’s ranking to also function in spheres with their own internal hierarchies and it works very well within the corporate metaphor we’ve been given to start with because it’s so easy to just imagine them as different departments. I do think there’s canon evidence that suits this model, and I may write about it some day if folks are interested in that,  but I’ll admit, the appeal of this to me is that I’m a sucker for internal politics.

That all being said, I do think the Starmaker gives off the impression of status to some degree aside from that. The way he does not feel inclined to give his name certainly has implications (though genuinely I’m so grateful that they did it that way) and the rest of his behavior is certainly not what anyone would call particularly professional like we’ve been primed to expect from Heaven. He has the energy of someone with a status he’s secure in, regardless of where it is. And this energy also seems to apply directly to God. 

Now, their relationship to God is actually one of the more interesting differences between the two that we get to see persisting throughout time and impacting their modern selves. And it’s overall pretty indicative of where they thought their place in Heaven was before the Fall. The fact that the sequence where they meet already has Aziraphale starting out nervous but the Starmaker actually very chill about the idea of speaking to a higher power says a lot of things. It implies that the angelic levels of comfort with God were not universal even before things went ‘Bad’. And it tells us that the concept of ‘trouble’ exists enough that Aziraphale can be stressed about it while that there are angels like the Starmaker who can’t seem to even begin to fathom thta trouble could apply to them. This implies a certain amount of privilege that the Starmaker has that Aziraphale does not.

And interestingly, post Fall Crowley does seem to still have been impacted by this. Even though he’s very aware he’s no longer in God’s Grace, the way that he talks to Her and about Her still holds traces of this. Think about the ways Aziraphale interacts with God in season 1. The one time they talk She initiates the conversation and he is jumpy and skittish and lies directly to Her. The one time he reaches out to Her it’s through formal means. He makes the circle and functionally gives Her office a ring and gets the Metatron instead. We absolutely never see him do what Crowley does in what is maybe my favorite Crowley sequence in the entire first season - where he just talks at Her. Crowley very organically seems to fall into a very casual form of prayer in a way that Aziraphale doesn’t. He begs the open air not to destroy the world, clearly talking at Her even if he thinks She’s not listening. (She is). And these two things and the contrast between them speaks volumes to me about the way they think about God. Even like this, even after he’s already gotten into trouble for presumably trying to question the Almighty, seems to even subconsciously think of God as someone far more approachable than Aziraphale does.

But, uh, as for their actual dynamic in general, I'm not sure it's really Crowley's stronger and therefore the one who protects. This is partially because I don't think that gives Aziraphale's protective acts enough credit, but also because I tend to view their dynamic on earth as something more about who they have chosen to be than who they were - though admittedly by their very nature those things aren't totally unrelated. Aziraphale is Aziraphale because he’s chosen to be someone who is soft. He was built to hold a sword and, while he’s certainly capable of doing so, seems to have little interest in playing that role the way he was meant to when there are gentler methods he can favor. Crowley meanwhile has fundamentally has invested himself in creating spaces where choices can be made. Aziraphale wants to play damsel, he will enable that space for it, especially when that means he also gets a fairly safe space to do a bit of good in the process.

And oh before I forget! As for the self esteem thing, I don’t disagree with your disagreement on it. I think this fandom has a tendency to get pretty black and white about self worth as character traits when they’re actually more complex than that - and I actually have another ask in here that’s asking about Aziraphale’s self confidence that I suspect is going to address Crowley’s as well by the time I’m done with it so I won’t linger on it too much other than this. And oop yeah, this is getting long so I better wrap up here. I'm not sure I actually answered what you were asking directly and I'm sorry about that, but thank you so much for the brain food - it's sent my brain down a lot of interesting rabbit holes!

[sburbian-sage]

oh, i see. you ARE THE ONE WHO ADVISED MY tumor.

when SOMETHING CHANGED, i thought IT WAS SOMETHING INTERNAL TO THE SESSION. he MUST HAVE USED rage COMMANDS TO TURN THE OTHERS AGAINST ME. but NO, AFTER GOING THROUGH THE LIST OF WORTHLESS SLOP HE BUSIES HIMSELF WITH ON THE REPLAYERNET, i find THE SOURCE: you. GIVING IRRESPONSIBLE ADVICE ABOUT A SITUATION YOU KNOW nothing OF, AFTER HEARING ONLY ONE SIDE OF THE STORY.

as THE witch OF hope, IT WAS CLEAR TO ME THAT HE WAS MY FAMILIAR. a BEAST TO BE TAMED. i do NOT CARE THAT witch FAMILIAR THEORY IS DEBATED, i do NOT CARE IF YOU BELIEVE IT, AND i certainly DO NOT CARE THAT IT WAS NOT TO MY KNOWLEDGE MENTIONED IN THAT sburb glitch faq THAT HE ALWAYS RAMBLES ABOUT AND YOU AND THE REST OF THE REPLAYERNET SEEM TO TAKE AS GOSPEL. i could FEEL IT. controlling HIM WAS MY ONLY "hope", AFTER ALL, AND WAS MY REWARD FOR MAKING IT THROUGH MY FIRST SESSION WITH HIM.

and IN YOU COME, TOSSING WRENCHES INTO MY PERFECTLY OILED MACHINE. THAT SESSION WAS hell FOR ME AFTER YOU GAVE HIM THE UNEARNED CONFIDENCE TO SPEAK HIS EVIL WORDS, AS HAS BEEN EACH ONE SINCE.

i sacrifice SO MUCH, EVERY SESSION, ALL FOR THE SAKE OF MY COPLAYERS. what DOES HE SACRIFICE? nothing. because HE IS A SELFISH, ENTITLED, destructive LITTLE brat, AND YOU HAVE ENABLED HIM THINKING THAT HE HAS A PLACE AMONG OUR IGNORANT INNOCENT HUMAN AND TROLL COPLAYERS WHO DON'T KNOW ANY BETTER.

but OF COURSE, YOU TOO ARE A HUMAN. your EMOTIONS AND CAPACITY FOR LOVE AND COMPASSION WILL ALWAYS BE GREATER THAN A CHERUB'S (THIS IS NOT RACISM AGAINST MY OWN KIND, IT IS fact), SO IT'S EASY TO SEE HOW YOU WERE SO EASILY MANIPULATED. i shall FORGIVE YOU THIS ONCE. but YOU MUST MAKE UP FOR YOUR MISTAKE AND tell me HOW TO FIX THIS, AND PUT HIM BACK IN HIS PROPER PLACE.

Have you considered a hobby? There's all sorts of content out there on the replayernet not relating to SBURB. Having something to do on your downtime can really help you level out and get away from the stress of the game.

Maybe knitting is a good one. I know you and your brother share a body, so maybe a sweater that has little designs that both you and he like? Or if it wouldn't flow well, something double-sided so you can just turn it around/inside out and it looks completely different. I think that would be cute.