#he needs a better frame but had to get him up

[angelluvsrafe]

୨ৎ ── emetophbia comfort from rafe

- request a fic - masterlist -

— ⋆·˚ ༘ * requested!

you’re half sat on rafe��s lap, hunched over the toilet with tears streaming down your pale face. your body feels tingly and jittery, everything about this is hell.

your skin is covered in a hot layer of sweat, it’s dripping down the back of your neck and your hairline is damp. rafe’s hand is firmly rubbing small circles against your lower back.

your heart flutters heavily and your chest tightens as you feel a huge wave of nausea. you drop your head back down, emptying your stomach into the toilet.

“there it is… let it out, sweetheart…” his hand slides up your clammy back, his hand rubbing side to side across your shoulder blades.

you pull away from the toilet bowl with a sharp inhale, rafe hands you a glass of water to rinse your mouth out.

“you feel sticky, doll. let me take your top off…” he murmurs, pulling the shirt up over your head. “better?” he smiles softly, a small glisten of concern in his eyes.

“mhm…” you hum and nuzzle your face into his chest, your skin sticking to his. rafe’s arms wrap around you as he places a gentle kiss to your glistening temple. “i hate this so much…” you sniffle, your grip on him tightening.

“i know, baby… but you’re being very brave…” he kisses your cheek and frowns when he sees your breath hitch and your pasty face screw up.

you whine and press your palm over your mouth, tears brewing in your tired eyes. rafe gently pulls your hand away and leans you over the toilet, brushing some sweaty hairs off of your face.

“sweetheart, you have to throw up or you won’t get any better… we need to get rid of the bug, okay?” he explains tenderly, his voice smooth and low.

your body ignores your protests and your chest heaves, pushing the acidy contents out of you and into the toilet bowl.

when the vomiting stops, rafe slowly brings you back to the warm bed. even though you felt like you could sleep on the cold bathroom floor for twenty four hours, he’d much rather you be in bed.

he tucks your in despite you mumbling something along the lines of it being too hot.

“i’m sorry, doll… this is the first time im going to tell you i don’t care.” he huffs and presses a firm kiss to your warm forehead before heading back to the bathroom for a damp cloth.

he catches a glimpse of your pout in the dimly lit room, chuckling softly.

“don’t pout, princess… you’ll be freezing if you don’t have the covers over you…” he tells you, his voice is smooth and shows no hint of annoyance.

he wipes down your face and chest, then your back. the cool cloth giving you the relief you’d been needing for a long time. it had maybe been two hours since you started throwing up, but it felt like it had been 10.

once he had finished wiping the layer of sweat that had accumulated on your skin, which is now gaining back the pigment, he sets the cloth aside and lays down next to you.

he pulls your trembling frame into his, wrapping his toned arms around you. you naturally sink into his chest, humming softly.

“i need you to sleep as much as you can…” he murmurs, pressing two soft kisses to your head.

before he can even continue his sentence, your breathing evens out and your head drops down a little. he smirks and pulls it back towards his chest, closing his eyes to catch up on his much needed rest.

[loomingspector]

Dick didnt mean to

He hadn’t meant to throw it that hard

Or throw it at the wall at all

But the moment he hears that all too recognizable breaking of wood, he knew it had happened.

The news of Bruce's death was just too much.

Becoming Bruce in every sense of the word was just too much

Having to become The Batman, was too much of a reminder of what was never coming back.

Sure, Nightwing was a strong hero, standing tall by Batman's side. He even had his own Gotham, Blüdhaven was his turf, and it had been becoming better with him there to help. But Gotham was just too much, the city truly never gave back.

The people still sometimes looked at Dick like he was a monster.

And the idea that they weren't even directing it at Dick, but at Bruce, who lived for this city, hurt for this city and suffered for this city. Died for this city. Only to be met with the cruel eyes of it's inhabitant.

It was too much.

They had relocated to the penthouse, the manor was simply too empty like this. The air was a little too stale, a little too cold.

It had lost it's soul along with it's owner.

Damian still went back sometimes, sometimes only to wander the halls, talking about 'having a look at what was about to become his'.

But Dick knew, he knew it was to help ease his heart. He knew he silently hoped that one of the doors would open, and the silent steps of the 'larger than life' man would reappear.

Dick was hoping so too.

When Tim was starting to say he didn't believe Bruce was truly dead, the first feeling was sadness. The boy was clearly in denial.

Maybe Dick was too.

But it was breaking up the family, Damian was being too avoidant and angry, dealing with this grief. Tim was getting angry that no one was listening to his reasonings for why he thought Bruce was alive.

It was taking a toll, Jason was his somewhat calming force, but it was clearly changing for the worst. When Bruce's will came out he had flipped and become even more aggressive, it implied that there is a deep, dark secret that Jason is hiding from his childhood. Bruce apologized for not getting Jason the help he needed, saying that he still has a chance. It seemed to have set something off in Jason and he would lash out at anyone, even mentioning Bruce.

Dick wandered the halls of the manor, Alfred had been keeping it clean and tidy, but it was eerily silent now.

It was supposed to be a quick visit to the cave, just grabbing a couple things, and stocking up on some others.

But out of habit and maybe nostalgia he walked up the stairs, his feet taking him to the room.

His room

The only room he knew was 100% his own.

The memorabilia room, his personal confessional.

The door opened with a creak, a testament to it's use. He was expecting the be met with the same posters, drawings, figurines as before.

But what had become the centrepiece of the room was now an easel. Standing directly below the top light, like a museum exhibit. Elegantly.

The Wayne family photo

Made when a family dinner time actually contained all of the family. Jason had come back the family, Duke had just become comfortable enough that he didn't feel like he was intruding, Cass was back from HongKong, and Barbara was visiting the manor too. Everyone was there. It was nearing Christmas, and the mood was amicable at least.

Alfred took the chance to take a photo of them all.

It turned out nice, the warmth being felt even through the photo.

But in this room it too had turned cold

This funeral room.

It had clearly been Alfred and Damian's idea. To add to the collection, and maybe bring Dick some sort of consolidation when he was returning to this room.

But anger was all he felt.

Anger at the city

Anger at the situation

Anger at Bruce's death

Anger that the family was falling apart, despite Dick's best efforts.

He hadn't noticed when he had grabbed the frame, felt the mahogany wood under his palms.

He didn't mean to.

His blood was rushing, all he heard in his ears was his heart thudding a mile a minute. He really didn't mean to.

Until the easel hit his foot, having fallen over when the frame was yanked away from it.

He hadn't even notice his own tears until silence was once again upon him.

He fell to the floor, reaching for the photo, it was slightly torn at one of the sides, but the happy faces were still staring back at him.

Bruce's eyes had a certain light to it, like nothing was wrong in the world. Like they were perfectly normal. And like he wasn't going to be ripped from them only a little time later.

"dad... please, help me"

"please, dad"

~~~~~~

I don't know how to finish it, but have some more sadness. Bruce's Will, is something mentioned in 'The Battle of the Cowl', but I didn't wanna go the same way as the Jason in that story, cause it makes me sad. (The information of the will is a direct qoute from here)

@ahsokatroi and @batsandbirdbrains I hope you both cry now hahaha

the photo in question is this one from BWFA

I wonder if, when Dick became part of the household and was in his “I’ll kill anything that looks at me wrong” phase.

Bruce would 100% go out of his way to see if he could hunt down each and every one of the recordings of the Flying Graysons he could.

He would pay collectors for self recorded videos, (since they were a famous performance family even before the tragedy) and buy photos that people took of them while they were around the world, collecting every advertisement poster he could of them.

Just so Dick would have something to remind him of them, of the good days. So he could remind him that they would want him to be smart about this, and not let the rage and resentment take over completely.

[connieboo4u]

𝐎𝐟𝐟 𝐂𝐚𝐦𝐞𝐫𝐚, 𝐎𝐧 𝐘𝐨𝐮 ೃ༄.

synopsis/request here

The camera is rolling and going once you step into the frame. you had a comfortable fit on for this most likely messy ass video you were about to shoot.

It’s not like you meant to break the internet. but when you and Connie ended up in the same kitchen, cameras rolling,talking n getting to know each other, and tension thick enough to burst through the screen.

yeah… y’all kinda did.

you were already that girl online. funny, bad asl, soft-spoken but quick with it, the type to have brands and followers in your dms, and still make it feel like you were everybody’s homegirl. he was already Connie Springer.the kind of artist who could drop a single at midnight and have the internet quoting it by morning. laid-back on camera, sharp in every verse, and way too good at making people laugh when he wasn’t even trying.

most of all of your viewers were literally dying for you to do a video together. so when whispers of a collab started circulating

“Y’all need to do a video together fr,”

“The chemistry would be teww gooddd,”

“I fear the tension would be CRAZY 😭”

it was only a matter of time before both of y’all’s team made something happen. as the exposure would be great for both of y’all.

you’ve seen him a couple of times online. and you won’t sit here and lie, he was pretty cute.

and your fans swore up n down y’all would match each others energy’s to a tea. sooo shit what else were you supposed to do? not invite him?

tuh.

“aye listen…if this man come in here on some bs and y’all set me up,it’s a wrap. like i’ll deadass cut the cameras off. he better be on his bestttt behavior.”

you addressed the camera as if you were on facetime with one of your homegirls. and you’re hoping your so call homegirls didn’t set yo ass up with this collab.

you tried to hold back a giggle as you looked back at the side of the room where he was gonna make his appearance.

“alright for real. y’all asked y’all shall receiveee! and if his ass can’t cook…his ass gotta go.”

as soon as you said that Connie came through the side entrance to enter the video frame.

and damn

he came in with a chill fit of his own. his chain was shining from the lights. his grin displaying his bottom grills as he failed to hold back his own laugh.

yea scratch that.

he fioonneeee asllllll

“you gon’ talk sh*t before i even breathe good? damn, not even a ‘hey’?”

he mocked offense as he stood near me with his hand on his chest. as he went to stand near me to look at all of the ingredients we were using for the meal we would be making today.

“boy, puh-lease. we can ‘hey hi ho’ our ass into this food real quick before i change my mind.”

you said with a sly smile tryna keep your cool cause DAMNNN he was even finer in person. he came to stand a little closer to you letting you get a wiff of his cologne that was slowly driving you crazy.as he observed what was all on the table to cook with and looked back at you.

“mmhm. that lil smile gon’ get you in trouble.”

i rolled my eyes as he went in for a hug. his arm wrapped around your waist for a second longer than necessary, and the chain around his neck brushed your collarbone lightly when he leaned down. you hugged him back, quick, trying to keep it cute, but how long could you really.

yeaaa this might be the best set up ever.

“you keep playin’ like we not supposed to be cooking,” you mumbled under your breath, glancing at the camera mid hug like don’t do too much now.

“man whatchu mean? i’m chillin. you the one distracted.” he said as he leaned away a little,hand still resting on your back from the hug.

I grabbed some ingredients and put them in his hand.”since i’m the distracted one. gon head and put that in a bowl and mix it together while i work on seasoning the steak for the fries”

“yes ma’am” he took the ingredients for the sauce and started adding them to the bowl nearby as y’all worked hip to hip on different parts of the meal.

ೃ༄.

You stirred the fries in the pot, oil still crackling heavy, and leaned one hip on the counter. Connie stood across from you, messing with a towel in his hands.

you looked over at him. “alright, while these doing what they do… we gon’ hit you with a quick interview.”

he smirked. “awwhhh hell”

you laughed. “you’ll be alright. Just answer natural and honestly.”

he nodded. “aii bet”

“first one easy. What’s a song of yours you still not tired of performing?”

He thought for a second, rubbing his jaw as he leaned on the counter behind him. “probably ‘Top Floor.’ the energy always crazy when that drop hit, and the crowd usually get me hyped up on the first bar.”

You nodded. “oooouu i heard that one before. okay what’s something you feel like people get wrong about you?”

Connie thought about it before answering”that i don’t take a lot of things seriously. Especially with my music or something i consider important. like i joke a lot,yeah, but stuff i really care about, i don’t play bout that shit.”

“on his soullllll he dont play” i pointed to the camera “okay for real let me stop. i’m sorry”

connie damn there bent down laughing.

“okay, you single?”

he paused and looked at you before he responded nonchalantly “yeah”

he then leaned down with his eyes locked on yours “you?”

you blinked cause hellooo? “this my interview if you done forgot”

he grinned “that ain’t what i asked,pretty”

“yea i’m single.” you say back just as nonchalant.

Connie just nodded, like he already assumed. “Mmm. that make sense.”

you raised a brow. “and what’s that supposed to mean?”

“cause you carry yourself like somebody who don’t take no bullshit. you know your worth and dont settle for less. i can tell.” he said it like it was the most obvious thing.

you tried not to react, but you felt it in your stomach tighten. “You do this with everybody you cook with?”

“nah,” he said, licking his lips. “You a lil different. yo energy show that.”

you didn’t respond immediately and at that the grease from the fries popped me back to reality.

he just smiled a little.”so what’s your type?”

you picked up the nearest seasoning to fidget with”i guess somebody funny,laid back,sweet,dont do too much,clean.shii somebody that got some sense too” i said with a shrug

he simply nodded his head

He leaned against the counter again, arms crossed. “Sooo what I gotta do to get a second collab? Or is this a one-time situation? cause i think the fans was right about us matching each other energies n shi”

“I don’t know. you gon keep playing with me?” i said

“that’s not me playing, mami. that’s me being for real.”

you just looked away from him as you placed the seasoning down. all while he stared you down.

“that’s aii tho. i’m willing to work for it till you believe me” he said smirking to the camera with a goofy ass wink

i glanced up at him questioning him. cause what is this video turning into.

And he just laughed under his breath, stepping back. “what? I’m behaving. right?”

“mmm. the way you talkin’ i think i should be worried bout that if that’s what behaving gon be like.”

then i turned back to the stove, real chill

“…I ain’t”

Connie laughed under his breath, eyes still on you, then muttered, “yeah… you the problem.”

ೃ༄.

for some damn reason y’all were making a lot of progress cooking together. between occasional flirty comments and shit talking you both lowkey we’re getting along well. really well.

the fries were basically finished, just needed the finishing touches with the sauce that connie made and what not.and for two people who kept talkin’ over each other and flirting mid-task, y’all were actually getting it done.

every time you looked up, he was doing something helpful. rinsing, drying, checking the food without being asked. laughing when you teased him, playfully bumping your hip with his as if it was some day to day shi for y’all and the camera just so happened to just be there. every interaction felt overly domestic.

you were grabbing seasonings when he slid in right behind you, stomach brushing your lower back like he belonged there.

you didn’t react right away. neither did he.

“sooo you just gon hover behind me like that?”

“i’m just tryna make sure you don’t over-season the food,” he said, as you can hear the grin in his voice low and right in your ear. “matter fact—”

he swiftly took on of the seasonings and started doing it himself as he rested on hand on the counter lowkey caging you in as he worked.

before you could say something back to him, he slid his arm around you and reached for the lawry’s like he was the head chef all of a sudden and this was his channel. he didn’t even hesitate for shit.

he shook a little into the bowl while resting his other hand on the counter,his arms brushing yours.he was basically caging you in, casual like he did this every day.

“mannn…” you muttered under your breath as you looked up at him.

“i got it. relax”he said with a boyish grin.

you attempted to move around him to get the pan on the stove but he didn’t plan on moving far.

“let me just grab the pan with the stea-“

“wait- hold on, ma.”

he lightly grabbed your waist from behind to move pass you to reach for the hot pan himself. his touch was firm but soft. he didn’t think twice about anything he was doing with you.

like y’all had done this before

“scuse me,” he muttered as he reached for the hot pan for me as he let me take the steak pieces out to lay them on our fries.

“sooo you always this close when somebody tryna cook” i teased.

“nah.”

he said fighting back a grin. he then said just so causally-

“only when they this pretty.”

you stare right in the camera after he said that.

“y’all see his ass be saying anything bro”

Connie licked his lips and smiled. “nahhh. I just be saying the truth.”

you blinked. Then looked dead at the camera. “anyway,” you said, turning back to the food as if you weren’t internally screaming rn. “Steak’s done. Fries look crispy. We didn’t burn shit in this collab, so I feel like that’s a win.”

“that’s what teamwork do for you ” he said, walking over to grab the plates to help plate the food.

“i won’t lie you contributed a good amount today.”

Connie smirked. “awhh shit i get a compliment after all the shit talking you was doing.”

“alright not too much” i said as i took a seat on the little couch i usually do the food reviews on.

“nahhh that mean we making progress ma.” he said as he took a seat directly next to me.knees touching. his arm resting behind me like we just do this shit.

with both of our plates in front of us we then begin eating the creation we made as we both shared looks with each other.

“this shit good as fuck”

we both said at the same time catching each other off guard as we both burst out laughing.

“but nah real shit. this shit taste mad good”

“i’m sayinggg! we lowkey did that ngl”

you were about to reach for your drink when he-

“hol on- hold still”

you looked at him confused “huh?”

he reached up, thumb brushing just under the corner of your lip, real gentle. “you had somethin’ right there.”

“thanks.” i lowly said to him as i collected myself

he nodded “they gon eat this shit up”he said as he gestured to the camera ”just like we fucked this plates up”

at that i started laughing “you already knowww”

at that he took one more bite.

“eat eat eat ea-“

“man watch out.”

you were laughing so hard you fell into his chest, hand catching his hoodie like you needed support.

he just sat there, shaking his head with that deadpan stare straight at the camera. But it was only a matter of time—his lips started twitching before he finally broke into a smile too, lowkey trying to hide it.

ೃ༄.

he stood in the doorway,phone in one hand,his other hand still in his pocket like he didn’t really wanna go.

“I meant what I said earlier btw.” he said, eyes on yours. “I really enjoyed this. you made this whole night feel.. easy. real.”

you smiled, but it was soft now. quiet.

“I know this our first time meetin” he added, voice low. “but I wanna see you again. like, forreal. and I ain’t in no rush—I wanna show you i’m for real. i want you to see the effort”

“ohh you tryna work for it?”

“every bit.” he nodded with a serious tone

he looked down at your hand, took it gently, kissed it slow.

“thank you, pretty girl. for tonight.”

“mhm you welcome. back bout expanding overtime now”you said back trying to ignore the butterflies in your stomach right now

“mmcht yo ass always got some to say”he said back tryna be serious but failing to fight his smile back

“i’m just playingggg” i say as i go for a hug

he lazily grins as he hugs me back warm n firm and before he let’s go he presses a lingering kiss to my cheek.

he squeezed your hand once, then stepped back like he was about to say something else, but his phone buzzed.he glanced at it and exhaled a short laugh through his nose.

“damn… studio,” he muttered, showing you the name on his screen real quick like proof. “they been blowin me up.”

he tucked the phone away again, eyes flicking up to yours, almost like he was about to ask something,but he didn’t. he just looked at you for a second longer, lips parted like he was weighing something.

you noticed, but didn’t comment.

“get in bed safe,ma. I’ma text you when I get there.”

you nodded, smiling back at him, “mkay.”

he turns toward the door, hoodie up, but pauses again with his hand on the knob.

“also…” he looks back, real chill, “don’t let no—”

you blink.

“…boy, take yo ass on to the studio.”

he laughs as he steps out, voice trailing down the hall “see,you think I’m playin.”

and you stand there for a second—smiling way too hard—before closing the door behind him.

and that was it.

You blinked, standing there for a second like you were waiting for something else.

then it hit you.

“wait… we didn’t even exchange numbers,” you muttered, talking more to the empty kitchen than anyone else. “damnmit.”

you sighed, half annoyed, half disappointed. his team and your team had set the whole thing up. calls, locations, timing. not once did y’all actually do the logistics yourselves.

quietly you went back to gather your belongings to leave and go home for tonight. maybe you’d see him at an event. maybe one of your team members could help you get his number tomorrow.

you didn’t feel like it’d be a good idea to bother his team about it now. he was probably already being pulled in five different directions the moment he stepped out.

* ೃ༄.

you got home quiet, the kind of calm that lingers after a good night. you tossed your purse on your chair, slid out of your clothes, washed up and cleaned your face slow, still catching yourself smiling in the mirror. cause today was something elseeee.

bonnet tied,even comfier night clothes on, big lights off. soft ambient lights on. you pulled your covers up and laid back with a deep breath—body relaxed, but your thoughts? Still stuck in the way Connie looked at you at the door.

well not just at the door.

throughout the whole day.

you opened your phone just to scroll a little before bed.

and froze.

#connieandy/n

“ion even care if it’s promo… the chemistry is crazy 😭”

“the way he looked at her after wiping her mouth… yeah they locked in.”

“they flirting like we not watching”

“naahhh the thumb on her lip? i SCREAMED”

“yeaaa they go together real bad”

the video had dropped. and the comments? unhinged. accurate. and loud asffff.

you couldn’t even scroll fast enough. clips were already being reposted and sent to you by friends, edits being made, and your name trending right under his.

the comments were wild. your friends were worse.

you leaned back on the bed frame. exiting out of every social media app as you collect yourself.

suddenly your phone buzzed just as your head hit the pillow.

Unknown number

new messages 12:36 AM

[unknown] Yo, when we seeing each other again?

you fight back a grin as you typed:

[you]how you even get my number

[unknown] my team. i wasn’t gon let you get far lmfao

[connie💕] sooo..when’s the next time i’m seeing you?

i’m thinking dinner on me.

no cameras n shi, just us.

“no cameras n shi,just us.”

you smiled as you responded to him turned your phone off and turned over.

yeaaa i can used to these type of set ups

AYYY i hope y’all enjoyeddd 😭and i lowkey wanna write more rapper connie stuff cause likeeeee whattt. also sorry for the wait again but ayy we here ANDDD request stay open! yk the drill.

other than that i love y’all lots and i appreciate y’all sticking with me as i slowly get a hang of this. 🥲really hope these last post were enjoyable fr fr.

but i’ll try to post random hcs in between drabbles and fic updates💋xoxo

[berrychaivibe]

Fast Lane Feelings | One Shot

summary: you and lando never got along with each other until one day he finally tells what’s been going on with him

pairing: lando norris x f1driver! female reader

request by: Hello! Can I request a Lando Norris x female reader Emines to lovers? Only at the end it’s a bit steamy and they both race for McLaren and are very competitive? Thank you, great work! – @ripmyselfxd

author note: sorry this took so long to write! Enjoy ♥️

warnings: cursed words

one shot

You’re grateful today was your day off—but of course, you had to spend it stuck by Lando’s side. The two of you have never really gotten along. It’s always been the same cycle: constant bickering, sarcastic remarks, and the occasional cold shoulder when you just don’t have the energy to deal with him.

You’ve known Lando for three years now, and somehow, he still gives you the ick. You honestly don’t understand what everyone sees in him—what makes people gravitate toward him the way they do. Whenever he’s around, the energy shifts, and not in a good way.

It’s like a dark cloud settles over you the moment he walks into the room.

“I can’t believe I have to do this shit!” You mutter underneath your breath.

You knocked on the door of his hotel room, nerves buzzing as you waited for him to answer. You’d come to give your boss a piece of your mind—but now that you were here, the words felt stuck in your throat.

You raised your hand to knock again when the door swung open. Lando stood there, leaning casually against the frame, eyes narrowing with that trademark smirk.

“Ice Queen,” he said. “To what do I owe the pleasure?”

You scoffed, brushing past him into the room and settling onto the couch like you owned it. “We need to talk, Golden Boy.”

Lando shut the door and turned to face you. “Let me guess—this is about how you lost to me three days ago?”

God, he was so fucking annoying.

“No,” you said, voice dripping with sarcasm. “This is about you disappearing. Why the hell aren’t you showing up for the race?”

He lets out a sigh. “The boss sent you, didn’t he?”

You breathed out, sharp and heavy. “I don’t have time for your bullshit Lando. What’s going on with you?”

Lando sank into the couch, leaving a small space between you. You stayed quiet, giving him room to gather his thoughts.

He exhaled slowly. “You know… ever since you beat me three times at Monza, it’s like I don’t even recognize myself on track anymore.”

“Huh? Come again?” You said, tilting your head with a confused expression.

He began explaining, “I lost my edge after you started beating me in all those races.”

You nodded, listening closely as he went on. “I’ve tried over and over to get my mojo back, but nothing’s worked.”

“Have you talked to Andrea about it?” you asked.

He gave a small nod. “Yeah, but he thinks the real issue is that I can’t race properly anymore… because of you.”

Your eyebrows shot up. “Me? I didn’t do anything.”

He closed his eyes for a moment, then opened them and looked at you. “I know, but…” he said, trailing off as he reached for your hand. “He thinks I’m in love with you.”

“What?” Your eyes widened as you looked at him. “Lando, we both know that can't be true.”

He stares at you in silence, unwilling to admit the truth to himself just yet. His heart pounds in his chest, faster with every passing second.

“Lando…” you whisper.

He clears his throat and said. “I–It’s true.”

Fuck!

This conversation was nothing like what you imagined. You pictured the two of you bickering, arguing playfully over who’s the better driver—not… this. Whatever this was.

You shake your head slowly. “Golden boy… you can’t fall for me.”

But he doesn’t look away. Instead, he shifts closer on the couch, the space between you disappearing.

“Why not?” he asks, voice low and steady.

You released a breath you hadn’t realized you were holding. “Because I’m not exactly easy to be with.”

“Says who?” he murmured, gently tucking a strand of hair behind your ear. “With me, you are.”

“That’s bullshit.” A scoff escapes you.

He leaned in closer, his voice low. “I can prove it.”

Your eyes flicked from his face to his lips. “Lando… please.”

“Can I kiss you?” he whispered, his nose brushing gently against yours.

Part of you had dreamed of this moment, but you never thought it would come so soon.

“Y-Yes.”

His lips met yours, soft and sure. You melted into the kiss, returning it with the same need. He pulled you into his lap, your legs straddling him as your fingers tangled in his hair. He trailed kisses down to your neck, leaving your heart racing with every touch.

[bodhiscurls]

run for the hills. ( garrick tavis )

you knew it was dangerous to fall in love with garrick tavis and you did it anyways, you should've known it was never going to be you when it has always been her. part of 'garrick week' day 7 - free @empyreanevents for a better reading experience, listen to run for the hills - tate mcrae! tagging @thelov3lybookworm (i didnt forget you mwah!!)

pairing: garrick tavis x fem! reader, implied garrick tavis x imogen cardulo

themes: angst, swearing (not a lot), fighting (but you're decent at it)

he pulled you in with that easy grin, those dimples that popped like two holes sucking you in and once you slipped you fell hard.

"boo," he whispers in your ear and makes you jump slightly, hand going to steady your heart. you've bonded to a dragon, you can move mountains with your mind and yet a certain gentle giant was the one thing that can catch you off guard.

you pace yourself after a moment and get ready to scold him to which he returns with a loud laugh, "didn't catch you this morning?" you ask lightly. he didn't usually stay the night often, but some nights when the two of you were so wrapped up in each others embrace, tangled into the mess of sweet nothings he stayed. you slept to the sound of his rising heartbeat as he held your frame close and it felt so perfect.

so perfect that you forgot about all the other times, he'd slip free into the thick of the early morning. the first few times it didn't bother you, this wasn't anything serious and he made sure you knew that going into this situation. then he started staying the nights, starting searching for you in a sea of cadets in the food hall and looking at you a little bit more meaningful, like something had softened in him and it melted you to your core.

oh was that warmth dangerous.

"just something xaden needed," he shrugs off and the tone of indifference is hard to ignore. it sets into the pits of your stomach and lingers there a little too long. it was always something on the nights he didn't stay, but never enough to warrant an actual reason and if you didn't know any better it felt that he didn't trust you enough to know the real reason. like he gave you the key to his heart but you still had to knock to enter.

you bite your lip and his gaze narrows down on you, eyes sharp in focus. "hey hey hey beautiful," he whispers, finger tracing your lip where your teeth had left a small pink indent. "whats wrong?"

his tone is too gentle that you hardly recognise that dirty footprints it leaves on your mind. you match his ambigous tone, deciding that this morning was not the morning to get into it. "nothing," you let a small smile rise and press a soft kiss to his lips. "meet me for dinner?" deflection, at its finest.

"sure thing, doll," his lazy drawl comes and flips butterflies in to your stomach all over and you forget the reason why you were ever apprehensive with this almost relationship in the beginning. and then he disappears into the crowd of cadets, throwing a wink over his shoulder and blowing a kiss to the wind.

dinner doesn't come, or it tries to but it's an hour too late and not the way you imagined.

"garrick, wha-" you immediately stand from the wall you've been sitting on for the past sixty minutes. the dining hall closed and to save face from embarrassment of being stood up by the infamous bachelor of bagsiath you decided you'd rather starve than face the smug stares of 'i told you so' from your squad.

he crushes you into a kiss, lips enveloping yours. it comes fiercely and quite aggressively, that you pull back in confusion. your brows furrow and knot with an anger that has enhanced since seeing him. he tries again, this time softer with a small peck to the inner corner of your lips and you stand there dazed. sorry's are mumbled into your skin as he works his way around your face.

"am i fucking missing something?" you scowl, pulling away from him and setting a reasonable amount of distance between the two of you. the chill of the night settles in the middle especially now that the warmth of his skin is missing from yours.

he sighs, eyes apologetic. "i'm sorry baby, i got so caught up in training i couldn't leave."

"you couldn't leave?" you ask slowly and at least he has rhe decency to look bashful. "why do i get the feeling you're not telling me the truth," and if your long awaited question has caught him off guard, he fails to show it.

"why would i hide anything from you?" he looks offended, expression suddenly stiff and guarded. a million thoughts race through your head.

because i'm not marked, because i don't know the pain you've been through. because you've never told me anything about yourself. because you've ran through girls quicker than you've fallen off your dragon and gotten the chance to get back up. and somehow, you've lasted longer than them all by a whopping four months- not that you're counting.

he senses you're deep in over your head and attempts to drag you back out to the present. to where you are now, to him and you. "hey, hey, look at me," he whispers. "i got caught up training and i missed this meal with you. i'm not hiding anything from you, i'm sorry okay?" he holds your hands and stares into your soul.

"okay," its bitter on your tongue but that's what it'll have to be. it's always been this way and it will most likely always be this way because in some oddly weird way you're in love with garrick tavis- and you'll swallow a million okays if it means you'll get pieces of him to yourself, even if its never the whole.

"okay," he whispers back, eyes glinting with a cheeky grin. "now what do you say we get out of here and get some dessert?" the question is dangerous and it dangles in the air. if you're brave enough you'll let it stay there and walk away. but you act with your heart and not your head, letting him whisk you away to his bedroom where only the walls will hear how much he loves you back.

you wake up to an empty bed again and it doesn't surprise you. it doesn't anger you but waters a tree of sadness planted in your chest. you collapse back into his sheets, the smell of him is all over you right now. it's in the air, it's in your hair and on your skin, it's suffocating that you work your signet to move a fresh pair of clothes to you immediately, changing rapidly and running for a breath of fresh air.

you barrel into ridoc on the way back to your room, crashing right into his chest. "can't talk, gotta go," you rush out, back on your feet again darting for your room. the steps are outlined in your brain- it's the only thing you're sure of right now the facts. the facts are that you need to shower, scrub yourself clean, you need to eat, you need to refuel, you need to not be so fucking stupid and make the same mistakes over and over again.

"yn, wait," ridoc calls out and you love your friend you really do but right now you just need a moment to yourself.

you reach your door in an instant, re-warding the entrance as soon as its safe and head straight for the shower. the warm water sends a rush down your bare skin and you scrub away the remenants of last night. you couldn't do this anymore, you think slowly. how long were you going to keep letting him make you feel like pure shit?

but he doesn't, your heart argues. he wasn't this way with anyone else before. you've changed him, you're different, you can fix him if you hold out for a little longer. a silent sob escapes you and you catch it in your hands, holding yourself upright against the cool tiled walls. training is in half an hour and you need to be ready to face actual people. with one last rush of water over your head you reach the surface. it's going to be okay.

it must clearly be your day because when you're called to the mat it is imogen cardulo who stands opposite you. your mind falters at the sight of her and fuck, you think. she's even more gorgeous up close. you know her as a close friend of garrick, and you can count on your fingers the number of times you've been jealous of the pink haired rider who's glare could cut you in half.

you fight, and she's a touch quicker than you. she fights with the edge of someone who's been taught that if you're sharp enough she'll never get cut. and you fight with the strength of someone who constantly has something to prove. she lunges out and knocks a punch into your jaw sending you back a metre with a giant ugly bruise and you retaliate in anger, racing at her and knocking her off her feet entirely.

she grapples and turns you over, you fight for dominance and flip her back over. she's in your hair and then in your ear. "you fight well for his little past-time," and its evil the way her voice seethes and bubbles at your insides. it throws you off for a second at how smug she is and what is that you detect ... jealousy? and thats all she needs. a single second to wrap you in a chokehold and youre confronted with the decision to yield.

gone is all your shame and air from your lungs as you heave out a deep breath. she stands to her feet and brushes you off as if you were just an inconvenience, an obstacle and you roll off the mats slowly and rise to your feet with the help of ridoc.

"bitch," he mutters and you don't hear the curse slip from your friend's lips because you're too focused on anothers.

garrick tavis stands in front of imogen cardulo, his gaze assessing her intently with a certain fondness in his eyes. a fondness you notice in a heartbeat because that's how he used to look at you- or how he looked at you on those specific nights he bared his soul for you to borrow.

he looks as though he might hug her if she didn't look as though she was going to bite her, a scowl etched on to her face. she grits her teeth, says something you can't quite catch and pivots. most likely on her way to the healers.

you do however catch the end of his sentence, "i'll meet you for dinner, you need to fuel up and recharge, tomorrow we train again." and it boils your blood. you step out of ridocs hold and into his direction and garrick stops when he sees you.

as if on some weird twisted instinct he reaches out, itching to cradle your bruised jaw but you visibly flinch and recoil back in disgust.

"you're a fucking joke," you whisper at his cruelty- so that's where he's fucking been and that's who he's chosen to run to. you had been bloodied and bruised and in confirmation of one thing; garrick tavis couldn't even love you at your lowest. you'll always be a second afterthought in his mind and it pains you, especially when he stands at the centre of your universe.

"yn baby-"

"don't call me that," you growl, suddenly aware of your spine. you wince and he reaches out for you again, steadily met with your shoved step backwards. "now i know where your priorities lie and who's clearly good enough to actually be respected and included in your plans," you seethe. "don't fucking talk to me again."

you shove at his chest and he tries to grab your wrist.

"i love-"

"don't you dare finish that sentence," and you let your palm swipe right across his face. it's an act of defiance, youre a cadet who's just assaulted a section leader. the repercussions could be dangerous; yet standing in the shame of your own heartbreak was the worst of them all.

"you don't get to do that. that's not fair

you don't get to use that against me, not when you've never loved me the way i've been loving you. you know something garrick? i pity you," something in your gaze softens ever so slightly that it stills him for a second. "you can't love someone you can't trust, you can't love someone you hide, i dont think you are even capable of loving anyone but yourself," you whisper to him.

he's stunned in silence and you feel triumph rush to your aching temples. you need to get yourself to a healer and fast.

"you're both fucking idiots if you don't realise the way you are with each other and i don't think you're smart enough to realise this yet but when the time comes and you find yourself willing to love someone clearly special to you," you jerk your head in the direction of imogen, no doubt her ears are probably picking up on your conversation. "i hope you have better luck with her or better yet, i hope she runs for the fucking hills like i should have," a scoff leaves your mouth and you get ready to turn and leave.

you've said what you had to do and slowly you'll make your peace.

he reaches out again with a desperate call to your name "yn-" but its ridoc who stops him and you could kiss your best friend right now.

"let her go," his voice is firm and strong, holding the crashing waters at bay. "it's the fucking least you could do." you dont wait to see the giant shadow leave or wait to hear the pained sigh that hits the air.

you limp slowly to the healers, slow enough that ridoc catches up to you in an instant with an arm wrapped around your weighted frame.

"thank you," you whisper and he nods in comfort.

"i've got you, hun. but thank god he stopped, i was afraid he was gonna kick my ass for a second," he breathes a sigh of relief and a laugh escapes you; shooting pain straight into your ribs.

"fuck," ridoc's eyes widen. "it's okay." and for once, you actually believe that it is or at the very least, it will be.

note: i know i said no happy ending but here, have an okay ending instead. tee hee hope u love bc i love u ! 🩷

[mrsjjongstby]

Siya, I don’t even know where to begin—this fic completely broke me in the most beautiful way possible. The way you portrayed Hoon?? Oh my god, my man. He loved even when he knew he wouldn’t be loved back, and that just made him even more precious. Like, if you’re ever going to cry over a man, it better be someone like Sunghoon. He was wholesome, loyal, and selfless—and your writing made me fall for him so hard.

Now about Ava—I'm Ava's #1 hater and I stand by it, but for a moment when she exposed her best friend and boyfriend, I weirdly felt sad for her. Maybe because it made me think about how broken she must be to act the way she does. That doesn’t excuse her actions at all, but it added a layer of tragedy to her character that I didn’t expect to feel. (tbh idk if anyone will relate to this tho)

AND THE KISS. The buildup, the realization, the emotion—it wasn’t “perfect,” and that’s what made it real. It was raw, emotional, and just everything love is supposed to be. It was filled with emotions it was just pure it was raw and the real form of love. And OH.MY.GOD. the smut part?!?!??! That was such a big bonus!!!!!!! Thank youuuu for that part Siya!

Miss Avalyn still has the audacity to go around and say that all this was caused by reader like girl shut up. She had me running back to my Ava-hater roots with full force! This is the reason why I hated her as quickly again as I felt bad for her. Like stop this nonsensical behaviour I wanted to strangle the screen. Or lunge forward. But I can't. So, I chose to write my hatred for her in this review. Thank god, my girl, Y/n found her real besties.

And the letters. THE. LETTERS. Especially the last one, "if you look into my eyes, you look at yourself" line—Siya, that wrecked me in the most poetic way. It was pure and eternal, and honestly one of the most wholesome things I’ve ever read. I wanted to frame it.

Also, the group dynamics between Heeseung, Jake, and Sunghoon were so well done—it made everything feel alive and real. It shows how she's no longer surrounded by toxicity but only love. Love their friendship.

And that final scene where the reader says to Hoon, “You pushed me towards him, and all you wanted was to hold me”? I clutched my heart so hard—I felt that. Deeply. Please, I love this line so much I could go on and on about it for days. I love, love, LOVEEEEEEE the last scene soooo much. It's beautiful, real, raw, honest, pure and wholesome. I'll do anything for the last scene.

I just love this fic so much it made me get out of my writer's block it made me absolutely shed tears, it made me fall in love with the author even more and the characters even more and made me hate Ava even more oh my god I just love every single thing about "I don't like your girlfriend." Fic.

Also, I love the way Y/n finally cut Ava's bs and stood up for herself. So proud of my girl, Y/n. That character development was very much needed.

IDLYG reminded me how much I love storytelling. The way it was written—so mature, so authentic, so beautifully crafted—I will fight anyone who says otherwise.

Now, I don't EVER write long reviews and this is my first long review so, this is the sign that you should go and read IDLYG.

Thank you, my love.

I DON'T LIKE YOUR GIRLFRIEND, PJS (PART 2)

• SYNOPSIS: A fleeting encounter with Park Jay at a high school party leaves a quiet imprint on your then broken heart. Years later, you find him again, now as an icy guitarist of the campus boy band, HYPHENIX. You never spoke again, but you remembered his eyes, his words, his presence and how he lingered at the back of your mind years after. You wanted to reach for him, but he was so far, popular, untouchable that you decided to pour your heart to him in secret, until the secret was revealed but someone else claimed it before you could.

Or in which you pour your heart into anonymous letters for the cold, distant guitarist, Jay, only to watch your best friend claim every word as her own.

• PAIRING: Park Jongseong (Jay) x afab!reader

• WORD COUNT: 20.9k

• CONTENT TAGS: Non idol au, university settings, angst, hurt/comfort, fluff, strangers to lovers, slow burn, shy reader x popular Jay, down bad reader, betrayal, abandonment, miscommunications or lack of communications, profanities, name calling, stereotyping, best friend's boyfriend, reader is nosy and loves other people's business way too much (my twin fr), fear of rejection and unwanted attention, body image issues in the beginning, toxic relationships and friendships, low-key stalker reader, reader wears glasses, not proofread, lmk if I missed anything.

• WARNING TAGS: MDNI, smut, soft dom!Jay, sub!reader, choking, hair pulling, dry humping, oral (fem receiving), multiple orgasms, reader isn't a virgin but is inexperienced.

PART 1

• AUTHOR'S NOTE: This is the second part, I hope you'll like it. Your likes, comments and reblogs are always welcomed and appreciated. Thank you so much for showering my write ups with your love. Happy reading♡♡

Your heels clack sharply against the tiles, still you're moving, pushing away people from your way, almost knocking over drinks that were kept on the counter. By the time you're near the door, he's already walking down the stairs. You turn around briefly to look at Ava's room from where Jay walked out but you were disappointed to see her nowhere in sight. The thought made you angry, if she was going to take what should've been yours she should've at least done it properly. She should've taken care of his heart, she should've at least pretended to care, instead she didn't even make an effort to follow him out. You turned back around, feet barely stable as you ran down the stairs, "Jay, wait!"

His steps don't flatter, his shoulders hunched as he walked towards his car, you increased your pace, because you couldn't see him like this, couldn't watch him walk away from her, away from you, when he doesn't even know the whole truth behind everything that is happening in his life. His steps slow down as he reaches near his car and you extend your hand to grab his arm. "Jay-" your fingers clasp around his jacket, "wait please." And he stops, not because he wanted to but because the voice that rang in his ears is yours and not hers. His shoulders stiffened, then he spun, and suddenly, before you could even react, he crashed into your arms with a force which felt more emotional than physical. His arms circled around your waist tightly as a sob escaped his lips.

You sighed deeply, unable to form words as his body shook in your arms. You held him tightly, one hand cradling his head as he buried his head in your neck. You stayed still, trying to be his anchor when his world was falling apart right in your arms. You could feel his tears slide down your chest from your neck, you rubbed his back in order to console him. After a while his sobs subsided but his hold on you remained tight, not too much to hurt but enough to remind you of their presence on your body, firm enough to know you won't disappear. He pulled away from you, his movements abrupt as if someone had just poured a bucket of ice water on him in the middle of the winter. He took a few steps back, hands grasping the door of his car. He looked at you.

"What are you doing here?" His eyes glassy as he questioned you, his gaze fell behind your figure to see if there's anyone else. You took a few deep breaths to calm yourself, ears ringing and eyes sensitive, "are you okay?" You saw his bottom lip quiver at your words, his shoulders slumping as if everything around him was weighing him down. "You should be inside, enjoying your night-" "I should. But I couldn't stay when I saw you walk out." The grip he had on the car's door wavered and he let his hand fall. "Why?" He questioned, eyes hazy as steps drifting closer, his hand lifting up to your face, "you seemed to be enjoying yourself on the dance floor though..." he mumbled as he swiped his thumb against the corner of your mouth, hand trembling slightly, "what do you mean?" Your breath shuddered, one hand clasping around his jacket.

"Your lipstick smudged a little," his gaze locked into your lips, "there, all good." You exhaled the breath you were holding when he stepped back, his thumb stained with the lipstick he removed from the corner of your mouth. He turned towards the car and you grabbed his shoulder to hold him back, "Jay, it isn't what it looked like." He faced you, tongue poking inside of his cheek as he scoffed softly, "doesn't matter to me, it's your life anyway," he opened the door and you stepped forward, the hand grabbing his shoulder moving up to rest softly against his face, "don't shut off, you always do this when you're stressed," your thumb brushed against his cheek, wiping the tears that had fell, "and it hurts to watch you lock everything inside you like you're alone in this. Lean on me, talk to me, just don't shut yourself out."

He observed you for a while, unable to find any words that would contradict yours. His eyes fell upon the people coming out of Ava's house and he held your hand, tugging you towards the passenger's seat and quickly running back towards the driver's seat, "I don't want people to misunderstand us, let's talk somewhere else." You turned around in your seat to look at people leaving the party, "you're right..." he looked at you before watching the people through his rearview mirror, "yeah." He started driving, and you couldn't tell where exactly he was trying to take you. He pulled up in an empty parking lot, got out and opened your door for you. He locked the car door and made his way towards the curb and sat on it, hands in his head as he took deep breaths to calm himself.

You slowly made your way towards him, giving him time to calm himself, you sat down beside him, not too far, nor too close. You removed your heels, feet aching with all the running, you put them beside you, hands instinctively holding your ankle to massage it a bit as you waited for Jay to say something. "Are they hurting that bad?" Your eyes found his face but his hands were focused on your leg, you stopped your movements, folding your arms on your knees, "tell me what happened." His eyes finally met yours and he sighed, "we had a fight, and I walked out." You put your head on your knees as you nodded at his words, "I don't like big parties, I'm allergic to chocolate, she knew about this, I wrote those things in the letters I sent back to her and she's trying to make me the crazy one for not appreciating her efforts."

"Jay," you started even though you had no idea what to say. "I don't get it anymore," he sighed as he run his hand through his hair, "those letters mean the world to me, gave me the strength when I almost gave up, they talked about me, not the popular guitarist of HYPHENIX, those letters understood my silences and that's why I fell, that's why I thought I could have something real with Ava." You watch him unravel in front of you and you swallow back the burning feeling igniting in your stomach at his words, "maybe she never expected you to hold those letters so dearly, Jay." He looked at his eyes darkening as the possibility of your words being true settled inside him, "how could I not hold those letters close? They were the foundation of our relationship, the Ava who wrote those letters saw through me when everyone else just expected me to be perfect."

You smiled softly looking down at your hands at his words, "maybe you're trying to hold onto a version of her which only existed in those letters, sometimes people portray a version of themselves which they can't live up to, which leads to disappointment and heartbreak." He nodded at your words feeling confused yet understood, "maybe I am but is that my fault? For believing in it?" You shook your head at its words, laughing slightly, "It's not your fault for believing, its hers for not living up to it, sometimes it's easier to pretend especially if the words are wrapped in kind and comforting words inside an envelope."

"But her kind and comforting words were the exact reason why I fell for her, but now when I try to connect with her, she diverts the topic like it isn't a big deal. For her spotlight is everything, she always gushes about it, but when she wrote me those letters, she never once mentioned about my popularity, her letters rather focused on my musicality," you nodded your head as if you don't remember every single thing you wrote on those letters, like it doesn't hurt to watch him going through so much pain when all you wanted was for him to be happy, "maybe she doesn't know you the way you thought she would. Maybe she wasn't as serious about those letters as you were."

He turned his body towards you fully, eyes narrowing deep in thought, "no one can notice things that deep if they aren't serious about it," you play with the bracelet in your hand nervously, "how am I supposed to find a solution to this?" He sighed as he buried his head on his hands, you contemplated to reach out to him but you did it anyway, your hand slide up to run your finger through his hair, he didn't stop you, "don't force yourself to be somewhere you don't belong, if you feel she's not the person you fell in love with then it's better to break things up." He lifted his head enough to look at you, "It's not that easy," you let your hand fall on your lap, sighing deeply you muttered something which always lingered at the back of your mind, "Jay, don’t build your entire world around someone who can’t hold it for you."

Your eyes fell upon the stars that shone brightly above you, and his eyes were focused on you as those words left his mouth, "I think I might confront her about this whole situation, I really don't like how things are going in between us, we always fight and pretend in front of others that everything is fine. I don't like it." Your mind drifted far off as you watched the night sky, feeling exhausted at the events that unfolded today. You thought Ava would take notice of basic things and at least pretend to care for Jay, but it was clear that all she wanted was popularity rather than a companion. You blame yourself for supporting her reckless choices cause now you're doubting every single thing you did that led you to this moment.

Your lips twitched in discomfort, you knew watching Ava in Jay's arms would be hard but watching him break down in front of you because of her was harder. You wanted to tell him he deserved the kind of love he hoped he'd get from Ava, that it's not wrong to fall for someone and be disappointed when their actions wouldn't match their words. But how would they match when both of you were two different people? You cursed internally, taking a deep breath, if only she never lied, if only you never supported her. God you hated her so much for complicating things. "Jay," his name left your mouth like a confession, he hummed, eyes still trained on your face, "I don't like your girlfriend."

Sunghoon checked the time on his phone, squinting slightly as the sun was up, he knocked on the door, stepped a few steps back and waited, "oh! You're here!" He heard the person at the door say, leaning his weight on one of his legs, eyes glued to his phone as he scrolled to instagram. He barely hummed in response, finally looking up, "Where are the gifts?" Ava's smile dropped at his dull tone, "well good morning to you too," she said, rolling her eyes and stepping aside to make way for him. Sunghoon wordlessly put his phone inside his jeans pocket, entering the same house he was in yesterday night, he looked at the surroundings. The house was yet to be cleaned fully, "I'll call some cleaners to help you with the cleaning-" his words were cut off when Ava grabbed his arms, "no, I've got this, though thank you for offering your help, you're such a gentleman Hoon."

Sunghoon gulped, removing her hands from his arm, "it's Sunghoon for you." Ava frowned at his words, pout forming on her face as she glared at him, "but you let her call you Hoon though." He sighed, looking anywhere but her face, "she is allowed to call me that. I allowed her to call me that. I don't recall asking you to call me Hoon." She stepped forward, closing the distance between them, and Sunghoon stepped back, "you should be close to me not her, I'm your best friend's girlfriend!" He exhaled deeply, already regretting coming to her house, "exactly, my best friend's girlfriend, and your association with Jay doesn't define if you'll get close to me or not, it's actually based on how you are as a person."

Ava scoffed, flicking her hair back as if she couldn't grasp the concept, "she's not even that fun, doesn't do parties, isn't popular, has nothing special about her, she's not interesting....I don't know why you pay so much attention to her!" Sunghoon looked at her, boredom laced on his face but his eyes showed the quiet furry he felt within, "well at least she doesn't back-bitch about her best friend! Maybe we like her better because she's a better person than you'll ever be Avalyn." She flinched at his harsh tone, footsteps retreating, "Sunghoon....don't get close to her please." He scoffed at her, eyes trained on the main door then towards the huge cardboard box placed in the corner labelled 'Jay's gift', "you greedy woman, you're dating my best friend yet you're trying to continue to hit on me?"

He took a few steps towards her, and she backed off, suddenly trembling under his intense gaze, "isn't he enough for you? I thought you stopped being a fucking whore and finally came to your senses, guess I was wrong, huh?" She fell down on the chair behind her, eyes shut closed as Sunghoon's words rang in her ears, "you kept on harassing me to sleep with you, even after I clearly declined, then suddenly my best friend introduced you as his girlfriend to me, you think I'm stupid?" Her lips trembled as she looked up at him, eyes glossy but he continued, "and I know your games Ava, you think I believed you when you said you wrote those letters for Jay? I don't think your pea-sized brain could even comprehend a single sentence written on it. I'm entertaining you just because I care too much about Jay and his feelings to hurt him bluntly by the truth."

"Sunghoon, please don't tell him, I beg you. I really love Jay, I'll take care of him well..." His hand slammed against the wall near him, "you're dating him for quite some time and yet you don't know what things he likes and dislikes and you're telling me you'll take care of him?" Tears fell from her eyes, hands shaking at the possibility of her truth being exposed, "Sunghoon, I'll be a good girlfriend, I'll keep him happy, please I beg you." He just looked at her, walking towards the gift box and picking it up in his arms, "you still try to hit on me subtly and say you'll be a good girlfriend? You think I don't notice your advances? Don't notice how whenever me and your best friend are close you take her away from me? You can't even be a good friend Ava, how will you ever be a good girlfriend? You're just a selfish bitch who only thinks about herself."

Sunghoon turned around towards the door, taking a few long strides to reach his car, he put the gift box in the backseat and shut the door of his car. He opened the door of the driver's seat when Ava grabbed his hand, and turned to face her, "I can ruin your friendship if I want, you know?" She spoke through gritted teeth, hands now clenched in fist by her side, "you think Jay would be by your side if I tell him you tried to take advantage of me?"

Sunghoon blinked at her once, twice, then laughed loud and full, straight from his chest as he threw his head back. He grabbed the hood of his car to keep his balance. He wiped the tears that escaped his eyes as he calmed himself, "I wanted to say something hurtful but your words just made me realize how pitiful you are," Ava frowned at his words, "maybe if you weren’t so selfish and actually knew how to keep real friends, you wouldn't be so quick to throw out threats like this. But go ahead and see if he believes that over someone who has known him better than you ever will." He turned around, sliding into his driver's seat and driving off without giving her a single chance to speak.

Sunghoon parked his car in Jay's parking place, taking notice of Jay's car being parked in its usual spot. He picked up the gift box and made his way towards the main door. He kicked his door, flinching slightly as the door was unlocked so it slammed against the wall. The sound woke Jay up from where he was curled up on his couch in the living room, "what the fuck is up with you?" Jay mumbled although he wanted to lecture his friend about guest etiquette. "Ah close the door for me yeah? As you can see my lord, my hands are full." Sunghoon took off his shoes and invited himself into his best friend's house, keeping his gift box on the coffee table and jumping to sit on the couch.

"Since you weren't replying to your girl, she asked me to pick up your gifts from her house," Sunghoon grumbled reminiscing about the texts after texts he got from Ava which forced him to go and get Jay's gift. Jay just shrugged, still half asleep, rubbing his eyes as he approached Sunghoon, "did you atleast eat something?" Jay nodded at his friend's words, "yeah, I woke up, got fresh, made breakfast and ate it, washed the dishes, then slept again." Jay slumped beside Sunghoon, yawning. "Wow, I expected more sulking and less functioning adult energy from you."

Jay rolled his eyes, sitting up straight to open the box, "why did she call you? Could've waited for me to reply to her back..." Sunghoon looked at Jay, his mind drifting back to Ava's house, "she said her parent's will be home tonight, she needed to get rid of everything before they arrive," Jay nodded, remembering Ava telling him about her parents being very strict about everything. He remembered her telling him that you are her only friend whom her parents trust. "I'll get going, I am having some issues with my keyboard, I'll have it checked." Jay bid him goodbye and made his way back inside the house to open up the gift box.

He took off the gifts inside the box one by one, placing them neatly on the ground or on the coffee table as he emptied the box and folded it to throw it in the trash bin at the back of his house. He folded the cardboard box and made his way towards his backyard, he placed the box near the trash bin and started making his way back towards the house. His footsteps halted when he saw an envelope fallen near the backdoor of his house. He crouched down to pick it up, turning it around to inspect it carefully, 'Dear, Jay.' it read.

His eyebrow furrowed while looking at the envelope, a sense of familiarity growing within his heart as he read the label of the envelope. The handwriting, a huge smile etched upon his face at the familiar scribble of words, though in the letters he received the writer used to call his name a bit differently, he found himself feeling relieved. He made his way inside his room, rummaging through his closet to take out the box where he kept all the letters together. He took out one random letter to compare the handwriting, praying continuously for it to be the same. It had been a while since he saw the handwriting and he laughed at himself for being so excited over a trivial thing.

He grabbed his phone, when he found the handwriting matched, grinning happily even before opening the envelope to see what's inside. After a few rings Ava picked up the phone, her voice shaky as he finally called her back after being ignored for a whole night, "Jay, I'm sorry for yesterday baby, please don't be mad at me, I love you so much." He smiled at her, eyes focused upon the envelope on his hand, "It's okay Ava, I love you too, I just got your gift, thank you so much, baby. You made me so happy you have no idea." She laughed at his excited tone, breathing in relief that Sunghoon didn't share anything with him about what happened at her house, "you loved your gift?" She asked, her voice relaxed now, "yes I did."

"Thank god, Jay. I was stressed if you'd love it or not, I mean it took me days to find that limited edition watch, I'm so glad you loved it. Don't forget to wear it when you come to meet me, okay?" Jay's smile flattered as he focused on Ava's words then back at the envelope in his hand, a watch? His brows twitching in confusion, "did you attach anything else with your gift Ava?" He questioned, inspecting the envelope as if it would answer his questions, "umm just a bow." Jay hummed, his heartbeat frantic, "okay baby, I'll meet you soon." "See you." He hung up the phone, scoffing at himself as he laid back on his bed, the letters and envelope still spread near his legs. He picked up the envelope, sighing as he looked at it.

He dialed Ava's number again, mind swirling with thoughts waiting for her to pick up, "Jay? Did you forget something?" He sighed, putting the phone on speaker and keeping the letters back inside the box, "umm," he wondered, an idea popping in his head, "be ready in 2 hours, wanna spoil you a bit for giving me my birthday gift..." he could hear the excited squeal left leaving from her mouth, "why? You didn't have to, what do you want me to wear?" He chuckled, "wear anything, you look pretty anyway." He hung up the phone before she could speak further.

Jay was getting ready to pick Ava when his phone rang, the called ID showing 'Dikeu' in bold, he chuckled looking at the contact name for Jake, realizing Sunghoon must've changed it when he wasn't looking at his phone, "I'm free, wanna hangout?" Jay's eyebrows furrowed as he concentrated on the soft background music playing, "since when did your music taste change?" He could hear Jake chuckle as he turned the music off, "nah, the song is good, but I wasn't the one playing that..." Jay's heartbeat quickened, "who were you with?" Jake blinked once before your name left his lips.

"Oh what was she doing with you?" Jake pouted on the other end of the phone as if Jay could see him, "you aren't even interested in me anymore?" Jay groaned and a chuckle left Jake's mouth, "I dropped her home, our classes ended at the same time. Are you gonna tell me if you're free to hangout or not?" Jay rubbed his temple but replied nonetheless, "I've a date with Ava, I can't hangout today," Jake hummed, thinking on who to irritate next now that Jay was busy, "okay, I'll irritate someone else then!"

Jay leaned on his car as he waited for Ava to come out of her house, "Jay!" He lifted his head, eyes taking in her short satin dress that fit her body perfectly, she smiled at him, one hand stretched out for him to take, he held her hand, pulling her closer to give a quick kiss on her cheek, he guided her towards the passenger's seat and made himself comfortable on the driver's seat. The engine hummed beneath them as Jay scrolled through his playlist. When he found the song, he pressed play and Lee Hi’s Breathe poured softly into the car’s hush. He gave a quick glance towards Ava who didn't even utter a single word about his choice of the song.

"You wanna change the music or is this song fine?" She nodded at him, before he watched her lean towards the screen to play another, more upbeat song, "We are going on a date, I don't think dull songs like that match the vibe." Jay's eyebrows twitched but he didn't press further, just hummed in response and started driving off. After a while, "Jay," Ava called softly as she looked at him, he signaled her to continue, his eyes trained on the road, "I shouldn't have argued with you yesterday, I'm sorry, it was your birthday I should've been more patient," Jay smiled at her, one hand clutching the wheel while other was placed on his own lap.

Ava looked at his expressions before continuing, "It's just that I was so angry, I had to do everything alone since your friends decided to exclude me, even my own best friend didn't tell me about the surprise party. I felt so betrayed, I tried my best but it all crumpled down when I accidentally ordered the wrong cake, I mean, people can make mistakes right? But still, I'm sorry for making you feel like you don't matter to me..." she trailed off realizing Jay had barely acknowledged the words that slipped her lips, "didn't you say that it was the bakery who made the mistake?" Her breath hitched as she clasped both her hands together on her lap, "Isn't that the same thing?" Jay didn't question her further.

He stopped his car near a high end restaurant, handing over his car keys to the valet, he slid his hand on Ava's waist to pull her close. The restaurant was beautiful, with high ceilings and open plan structure so one could enjoy the view of nature around it. Ava gasped, thrilled to be at such a place, she turned around, giving Jay a little kiss before she dragged him towards a spot she wanted to sit. He pulled a chair for her, then made himself comfortable. The waiter handed both of them the menu card and left, but as soon as Ava was about to discuss what she wanted to eat, he stopped her, his smile sickeningly sweet as he looked at her.

"I'll order for you," he said, leaning a bit towards the table, "I remember you writing about your favorite dishes in the letters, I want to be a good boyfriend and prove you that I remember all those things you wrote," Jay held her hand, softly rubbing circles at the back of her hand. She laughed awkwardly, nodding her head with way too much enthusiasm, he looked at her for a second too long, before dropping his gaze back on the menu, "since it's still day time, let's order tea first," He signaled the waiter to take the order, "two chamomile-lavender tea please," the waiter nodded asking if they needed anything else and Jay informed him he'll update further.

"Chamomile-......lavender tea?" Jay grinned at Ava's expressions, "yeah? I never tried drinking that combination but now that you're with me I thought why not? If in case I don't find it pleasing I can just pass it to you since you're so crazy about it." Ava's lips twitched but she managed to mask it behind a polite smile, swallowing a lump from her throat, "I hope you'll like," she trailed off, looking at the view, "I feel so refreshed after drinking it." Jay hummed clearly amused by her ability to still try her best at blending in, "refreshing? Didn't you say the bitterness of this combo helps you stay awake when coffee doesn't do it for you?" She pulled her hand out of his grip and clenched her hands tightly on her lap, "yeah that too."

"Here's your tea," the waiter placed the drinks on the table and Jay looked at Ava expectantly, she smiled at his direction, placing a trembling hand on the cup and take a sip, "I thought you'd be more enthusiastic about drinking it," Ava grimaced at the taste, but masked it with a semi-awkward smile which didn't even reach its full potential, "I am, just feeling tired from yesterday's party." He nodded solemnly at her words and urged her to continue drinking, smiling as he took a sip of the tea himself, "Ah it's too bitter for me," he pushed the tea towards Ava, "please finish this for me too baby." He could see color drain from her face but still acted oblivious, humming a song or complimenting the restaurant's architecture.

Ava finished both the tea, he grinned at her, kissing her hand and complimenting her, "I need to go to the bathroom, one second." He watched as Ava rushed off to the bathroom, leaning back on the chair and sighing. Ava came back, a bit breathless, Jay ordered the food and she sighed in relief that he ordered something she could eat without feeling like throwing up. "You okay baby? You don't look good," Ava sat on her chair, dabbing the sweat off her forehead with tissues, "Yeah, I don't know, I'm feeling suffocated suddenly," Jay watched her, nodding his head, "okay, let's get out of here then." He paid the bill and made their way towards the next destination he had in his mind.

"Baby what's this?" Ava wondered when he stopped the car in an unknown lane, getting out of the car and helping her with it. "You don't recognize? Didn't you say you loved this place?" Ava's heartbeat quickened, eyes wondering on numbers of small shops and stores lining up one after the other. Her eyes took in the surroundings, "haha, yeah. I remember this, it's just that I'm feeling so tired that my brain isn't working." Jay hummed, holding her hand and pulling her inside a bookstore hidden in between two large clothing shops. "It's okay, you said the smell of books calms you down, that's the reason I brought you here." She nodded wordlessly at his words, rubbing her nose slightly at the lavender candle lit at the entrance of the bookstore.

Ava panicked, realizing that Jay planned this whole date based on the letters written by his secret admirer. She could still feel her throat itching even after forcing herself to throw up the tea in the bathroom and if this thing continued she wasn't sure if she would be able to cover up. Jay made his way towards her, hand holding a couple of books which Ava didn't recognize and another holding a lavender scented candle. "Ava? You good baby?" Her nose itched, turning a bit red as she looked at Jay, clearly anxious, "Jay, it's getting late, shall we go back? I'm not feeling good at all, baby." He sighed, placing the candle back on the shelves and paying for the books before agreeing with Ava. She sighed in relief as they made their way back towards the car.

"Baby?" Ava hummed as she looked at the passing cars, "wanna hangout at my place before I drop you off at yours? We don't have to do anything, just cuddle, maybe drink some alcohol if you're up to it? Hm?" He glanced at her, before concentrating back on the road, "okay, sounds good to me." Jay smiled, extending his hand to give her hand a gentle squeeze. When they reached his house, he helped her remove her heels, taking her hand and guiding her towards his bedroom. Ava laughed, nudging Jay a little bit, "Wait here, I'll bring the drink." Ava sat on the bed, looking at his room, "open the sliding door, we'll drink outside, you'd love it."

Ava nodded, opening the door and helping Jay with the drinks. They were in the middle of drinking when the weather became gloomy, dark clouds spreading all throughout the sky, few drops of rain fell upon their clothes and Jay urged Ava to get inside. He bought the drinks and glasses inside, neatly putting the glasses on the sink. Till the time he returned from the kitchen, heavy downpour had blurred the word around them, and in the distance, thunder rolled low and slow. Ava flinched slightly, her hands clutching the comforter, "you okay baby?" She looked up, smiling slightly and he made his way towards her, eyes trained on the rain.

"Yes, just startled." Jay squinted his eyes at her, tilting his head, "thought you said you loved storms, why are you startled?" Ava shrugged, flinching again when lightning struck again, "why would I say that, I hate storms!" He crouched in front of her, his gaze hardening, "isn't that crazy? You said you loved the storms as it made you feel like you aren't the only one who is unraveling. I remember it clearly, you wrote about it, how they make you feel at peace." Ava froze, her eyes widening and body trembling under his fierce gaze, "I was just in a different headspace at that time."

"You always say that Ava, I was in a different headspace, I was feeling poetic, I didn't think you'd think so deeply of it, my opinion changed. It never ends!" Ava stood up, walking towards the bedroom door to create some distance in between them, "I was just trying my best to impress you because I love you, Jay. You're comparing me to a version of myself I curated just for you." Jay followed her, breath ragging, "are you sure that's the truth?" Ava paused, hesitating to say another word, "what do you mean?" she mumbled, leaning against the door.

"I just think, Avalyn," He taunted, voice low and dangerously calm, "I think you saw someone laying their heart bare, you saw how everyone noticed, you saw something genuine, which you could never be, and instead of respecting it like everyone else, you dressed yourself in someone else's devotion and had the audacity to call it yours!" He took a step closer, eyes burning through her, he slammed one hand on the door beside her head, "you saw someone bleed their love on the paper and got greedy. You never wanted love, just attention, and you didn’t care whose heart you had to break just to get what you wanted."

Ava looked at him, tears welling up in her eyes, she pushed Jay away, scoffing in disbelief, "you really think I would do something like that? After everything I've done for you? God! I knew this would happen, you just want a reason to get rid of me now that you're bored." Jay's jaw clenched at her words, "I'm sorry I didn't live up to your fantasy Jay, sorry that I couldn't talk in ink and metaphors for you." Jay pushed her against the door, eyes narrowing at her words, "it isn't about ink and metaphors, it's about the meaning behind them, you claimed those thoughts were yours, you silenced someone Avalyn, you banned someone from loving me the only way they knew how." Ava's jaw clenched but she kept quiet, unable to say anything in her defense with the way Jay was looking at her.

"Here's what you're going to do now Avalyn," he started, stepping back and glaring at her, his tone calm and calculated, "in few weeks it's your birthday, you're going to tell everyone there that you lied about those letters, and I'll tell them I don't hold any grudge against you so that we can both part ways without creating anymore mess." Ava's eyes widened at his words, all the things she did to gain the popularity wilting away in front of her eyes, "please Jay? Can't you give me a chance? We were doing fine, we can continue to do that. If the person who sent those letters to you loved you enough she would have exposed me long ago, but she didn't right? Please Jay, I beg you." Jay rubbed his temple, groaning as he threw his head back in frustration, "no, just do as I say, in a few weeks, at your birthday party, tell everyone the truth, and we're done for!"

You heave a sigh as you stand, leaning on one of the pillars of your university campus, looking at the downpour. It had been raining since yesterday night and hasn't stopped since then. Most of the students had either left the campus or found home in some corner or the university where they could wait till the downpour was light enough to travel through. You heard someone call your name, you turned slightly, smiling when you found Heeseung wave at you. "Done with your class?" You questioned, your eyes falling on your mobile screen to see if Ava responded to your texts or calls. "Yes, I wanted to go home but the rain is so heavy, you can't even see what's in front of you." You offered him a quick nod, eyes trained on the rainfall, but your mind drifted towards something else. Ava didn't attend any classes today, which was completely normal but what irked you most was her skipping the cheer practice. Her friends had stopped you to ask about her whereabouts and the only thing you could do was shrug in response.

"Yah, both of you," you jumped a little at the sudden voice, Heeseung chuckled before turning around to face his friend, Jake, "are you just going to stand there and watch the rain? Might as well come inside the music room and chill." You and Heeseung made your way inside the music room, you walked towards the window, dragging a chair with you, and sat on it, sighing. "I don't think the rain is going to stop anytime soon...." Sunghoon's voice trailed off as he spotted your figure sitting near the window as he walked inside the music room while talking to Jay. "Looks like someone loves rain way too much," Sunghoon smirked as he dragged a desk near your chair and sat on it, startling you in the process.

Jay quietly made his way towards the couch, slumping against it as he watched you interact with Sunghoon, a weird knot forming in his chest as he remembered you and Sunghoon sharing a kiss right in the middle of his birthday party. He kept wondering why he would feel so jealous in the first place, it wasn't like any of you were betraying him but he couldn't help but feel weirdly hurt whenever he saw both of you together. He was sure that if he kept on glaring at both of you with the same intensity then he'd actually be able to punch a hole in Sunghoon's face.

"Jay, did you bring your car?" Heeseung's voice brought him back to reality, his eyes looked around the room to see everyone already looking at him, he blinked a few times before nodding his head yes. Heeseung eyed him skeptically before nodding his head at his words, "so, Sunghoon, Jake and I slept over my house yesterday so we just took my car to come here," Jay nodded, hands playing with the ripped part of his jeans, "yeah so I need to take these two back to my house to retrieve their cars which is in complete opposite direction to where she lives," he pointed his index finger at you and you glared at him, "so will you drop her off?" Jay's eyes met yours, you smiled a little and he nodded, "ofcourse, I would. It shouldn't be a question."

And now you were sitting inside Jay's car as he pulled out of the university's campus. You leaned your head against the window, trying your best to not steal glances at Jay. You noticed he looked tired than usual, like he didn't get any sleep last night and with the way Ava had completely shut you out today, something must've happened between them again. You remember Jake texting you yesterday to ask if you were free to hangout, you had planned on deep cleaning your apartment that day so you declined and he told you Jay was busy taking Ava on date, you figured they mended the things between them but guess you were perhaps wrong.

You were busy with your thoughts when Jay's phone rang, he pulled his car aside and stopped, picking up the phone. You looked at him briefly as he was busy talking with someone on the phone. After sometime he hung up, giving you a side smile, "give me a few minutes, I just need to send this location to my cousin." You nodded, taking out your own phone to scroll through instagram when a loud thunder roared through the sky, your eyes widened at the sound, "damn, that was loud," you couldn't help but say as you leaned towards the windshield to look at the sky. Jay looked at you, surprised as you finally spoke something. "Scared of storms?" He questioned, giving you a quick glance before resuming his task, "no, I'm not. Just amazed by the intensity."

He locked his phone screen, throwing it somewhere in the compartment, the sound of thunder immediately sent his brain in a flashback mode, his mind drifting to the events that unfolded the previous night. He then turned his eyes on your figure which was still leaning towards the windshield, hands placed on the glass to wipe the condensation and see the view clearly. "You seem quite fascinated by the view," he couldn't help but chuckle at your wonder-like expressions, "oh I love storms, it brings me peace! I could sit and observe it all day!" Jay's smile flattered at your words, chest tightening at the familiarity of the words. He quickly swallowed the tension building in his throat and started driving towards your apartment.

You reached your apartment building, the thunder still loud above you, even the trees hazardly swayed left and right, and you could barely manage to stand still without struggling a bit against the wind. You knocked on the window of Jay's car and waited for him to roll it down. "I think it will be better if you wait for the weather to calm down a bit," you suggested. He shook his head, turning around his seat to look at the scenario out of the parking space of your building, "I think I can manage-" His words got cut off when a large tree branch flew past both of your line of vision, ripped from the tree like it was nothing, "yeah I think I can wait for a little bit." You smiled at him, stepping back and moving towards the elevator to press your floor button. Jay joined you inside the elevator and you sighed waiting for it to reach your floor.

"Would you like something to drink? Tea? Hot Coffee?" Jay paused to think, fingers tapping against his chin in deep thought as he sat on your couch, "what type of tea do you have?" You smiled bashfully, leaning against your kitchen door, "Mr. Park, what type would you like to drink? Your wish would be my command." He laughed at your words, "do you have chamomile tea?" You nodded your head in enthusiasm which Jay couldn't help but reciprocate, "I have all the types of tea, I sort of have a weird fixation on it." He smirked, getting up from the couch and following you inside the kitchen. He leaned against the kitchen counter, humming softly as he watched you gather the ingredients to make the tea. "Wow, you indeed have a crazy collection of tea."

You grinned back at him, opening the cabinet wider for him to get a better look, he stepped closer, hands raking his fingers through the jars. "Damn, you could open a tea stall," you solemnly nodded as if actually considering his suggestion. "What tea is your favorite? Taking a look at the jars I would say..." he trailed off, looking through the jars, "black, chamomile and lavender tea are your top picks." You gave him a thumbs up, taking the chamomile tea's jar off the cabinet and shutting it close. He made himself comfortable on the chair against the kitchen counter as he watched you make the tea, comfortable silence settled between them, the only sound being gentle clatter of cups, and soft bubbling of the water.

You poured the tea into two cups and slide one in front of him as you sat beside him, he smelled the tea, "oh it smells calming..." you grinned, taking a whiff of the tea yourself, "the weather is so beautiful, and the chamomile tea just made it more perfect, but do you want honey added into yours? I like to drink it bitter, I have to submit an essay tomorrow so I need to stay awake..." you mindlessly trailed off searching the cabinets for the bottle of honey, not realizing the weight of your words, mind temporarily forgetting about you mentioning about it in one of the letters. Jay felt a sense of deja vu take over inside him yet again but before he could say a single word to you the doorbell rang.

You put the bottle of honey in front of him, wondering who would visit you at this time. You made your way towards the living room and looked at the window at the end of the hallway, the weather had calmed down significantly. You opened the door, swinging it open to see Ava standing in front of you, she huffed a breath, "I've been ringing your doorbell since forever," she rolled her eyes, stepping forward and pushing your figure aside slightly since you didn't move an inch. "I've been trying to reach you since last night and you ignored me, and now you randomly showed up at my apartment without replying or calling me back?" You complained as you followed her figure back into your living room.

"Do I need to always inform you about my whereabouts or something?" She hissed, sitting on your couch rather harshly, "my mood is so off, my life is about to turn upside down and you only care about me ghosting you?" You crossed your arms over your chest, leaning your weight on one of your legs, "well yes since I texted and called you to ask about those exact things Ava!" You saw Jay slowly making his way towards the living room from your peripheral vision, he stood just near the kitchen door, Ava's back against his. "You should have tried harder to reach me, you could've skipped classes and visited me home, I even missed my cheer practice for God's sake!" You nervously glanced at Jay before speaking, "you know I had an important exam today, I told you about it ages ago, and it was raining so heavily how do you expect me to visit you?"

"I don't care, you should be beside me when I shut you out, shouldn't you as my best friend seek me when I pull away from everyone?" She complained, hands pulling at her head. "Well she tried reaching out to you through texts and calls, what more do you want her to do when there's a storm going on and she doesn't have any vehicle?" Ava sat up straight, eyes going wide as Jay stood beside you, "Jay? What are you doing here?" Her gaze travelled in between you and him, wondering how he had time to be at your apartment when he didn't reply to even a single text from her. "That shouldn't be your main focus, is this how you always talk with her?" You grabbed his arm when he stepped closer to her, his jaw clenched, Ava's gaze landed on your hand on Jay's arm, you released your hold when he stopped his steps.

"Answer me!" You flinched at the tone of his voice, Ava swallowed, clenching her fist tightly, "no, I'm not thinking straight and wanted to seek solace in my best friend especially after what happened last night!" Jay scoffed, pinching his nose in annoyance, "this isn't how you seek solace in someone..." Ava slammed her head against the back of the couch, clearly not prepared for Jay's interrogation, "I'm sorry, what are you doing here anyway?" Jay shrugged, turning towards you, "I think I should get going, the weather is calm enough for me to drive back, thanks for the tea." You nodded at him, bidding him goodbye and closing the door behind him, confusion etched upon your face.

"How come my boyfriend was in your apartment?" You turned around to look at Ava who was already on her feet, making her way towards the kitchen. You followed her to find her standing near the kitchen counter, taking a sip of tea from your cup. She instantly spit it out in the sink, throwing the rest of the tea along with it. "I didn't even take a single sip!" You groaned as you approached her, "since when do you drink this shit?" You squint your eyes at her words, her face contouring into that of a grimace, "what do you mean since when? You should know I prefer drinking tea to calm myself." Ava stopped midway, your words dawning heavy on her shoulder as she remembered what Jay said about drinking chamomile-lavender tea. She shook her head, making her way back into your living room.

"What happened to you anyway? Are you guys fighting or something? He didn't even say goodbye to you," you sat beside her, keeping your head on the back of the couch. "He found out I didn't write those letters..." she trailed off, her fingernails digging at her skin, "what?" You straightened up, eyes going wide at the realization, "how?" She scoffed, slumping against the armrest, "I didn't even get to bask in my popularity that much, how am I supposed to explain this to my other friends and cheer team?" You rubbed your temple, feeling anxious, "is that what you're worried about?" Ava rolled her eyes, "he wants me to confess about lying in my birthday party."

"What?" Ava sat up, looking straight into your eyes, no guilt about what she did, "he said something about confessing that I lied and then he wouldn't make a big deal out of this and then we can part ways," you looked at her for a moment, taking in all the things she dumped into you in a span of 5 minutes, "I warned you about this, but you didn't listen, just apologize to him, tell him you want to silently part ways, maybe if you look sorry enough he'll forgive you." She threw her hand in the air, "no he won't make this any easier, he was quite angry." You sighed, "well of course he is, you literally lied your way into the relationship, he must be feeling so betrayed and hurt, I told you not to do that, why do you have to be so selfish Ava?"

"Oh you two seem to be so deeply connected with each other to always defend each other's feelings in front of me, who's best friend are you? Try to think of something!" You shook your head at her, completely declining to be the one to help her after what she did, "you are going to do what he said, that's the only way you can get him to forgive you." She groaned, slamming her head against the armrest in frustration, "you aren't helping me with this," she got up, gathering all of her belongings and slamming the door shut behind her when she left. You thought about reaching out to Jay, your fingers hovering just long enough to feel the weight of the choice. But doubt slipped in quietly. What if he thought less of you too? What if saying it out loud only pushed him further away? You didn’t have the answers and maybe, deep down, you weren’t sure you were ready to hear them from him.

You were sitting on the bleachers, the court empty aside from a few students lounging around the area, "why do I always find you as if you're in mid-philosophical mental breakdown?" You tilt your head upward, removing the headphones from your ears, "I don't know Heeseung, you tell me." You saw him playfully roll his eyes as he sat down next to you. Jay, Jake and Sunghoon join right after with Jay sitting on your other side, Jake and Sunghoon sitting in front of you. "Why are you guys here anyway? Don't you guys have practice or something?" Jake gasped, an offended expression forming on his face, "why do you hate us so much? Are we not cool enough to hang out with you?"

"Stop with that 'too cool for you to hangout with' joke, you're stretching it so far up it's gonna explode," Sunghoon laughed at your expressions, "I did not think of you as a violent type pretty." You opened your mouth to retaliate but nothing came out, you just looked at him, trying to ease the rapid beating of your heart after hearing him call you pretty. After the kiss, Sunghoon didn't pressure you to explain anything to him, didn’t even ignore you but he stopped calling you pretty, your own name sounding so foreign when it left his mouth, you thought with time you'd get used to it but there he was, once again with that silly smirk of his, calling you pretty.

"Oh how blessed do we have to be to find HYPHENIX sitting here!" All of your head turned towards the voice, the captain of the cheer team, Gyuri smiled, behind her stood Ava along with a few other members of the cheer squad. "We were just leaving," Jake announced, already standing up, "why would you do that? Ava, does your boyfriend's friend hate us?" She pouted, eyes trained on Jake who just rolled his eyes in annoyance, a complete 180° from how he teased you a few minutes ago. You wondered if both of them had any history, Sunghoon didn't even glance at them after initially looking to see who called their name, Heeseung pretended to be busy on his phone. "It's not like that Gyuri," Ava mumbled looking down.

Gyuri scoffed, crossing her arms across her chest, "It's Ava's birthday next week, I'm pretty sure I'll meet all of you there, right? It's going to be so much fun, everyone's going to be there." Jay nodded, not really looking towards Ava or even trying to have any sort of interaction with her, Gyuri noticed, she turned her head towards Ava, "did you two fight or something, you guys were fine just a few weeks ago!" Ava smiled awkwardly, making her way towards Jay, sitting beside him and leaning against his arm, "it's lovers quarrel, nothing we can't work upon." Gyuri looked at her skeptically before shrugging off and turning around and leaving.

Other three boys exchanged a look, clearly sensing the tension between Jay and Ava, they looked at you and you just smiled, clutching your notebook hard in your hands, they didn't press further. "What are you guys up to?" Ava questioned, her eyes trailing towards a few students who were looking in her direction as she sat with you and the boys, "nothing, just hanging around," Jake shrugged taking a seat. Eventually Ava sat awkwardly beside Sunghoon, and right in front of Jay after realizing he didn't tell his friends about them. She watched as Jay refused to acknowledge her presence at all and Jake and Heeseung exchanged glances at each other from time to time.

You were somehow also ignoring her presence, focusing on the reels on your phone rather than starting a conversation and Ava thinks it's maybe because she rudely left your apartment a week back and you haven't reached out to her after that. "You were going to send me a video of the recipe you saved to make that tea, you haven't sent it to me yet." Jay spoke, nudging your shoulder with his and you gave him an apologetic smile before copying the link of the video and sending it to him. Ava's eyes watched you both like a hawk, eyes narrowing at the newfound closeness in between you two. She gulped, feeling as if the perfect world she tried so hard to build was crumbling down the more she tried to save it.

"Oh shit, I forgot I had a seminar to attend, I should get going," you hurriedly zipped your bag and checked the time, cursing under your breath and running off towards the hall where the seminar would take place. "Oh she dropped her notebook," Sunghoon leaned down the grab the notebook which fell down from your lap, dusting it off, he opened the first page to look, "Give it to me, I'll pass it to her," Sunghoon turned his head towards Ava, eyes sharp and unmoving as he passed your notebook towards Jay instead. Ava sighed, eyebrows twitching at everyone's distant behavior, sure they took less liking for her somehow, even Heeseung and Jake, just acknowledged her as their bandmate's girlfriend but somehow each of them had soften themselves for you and she didn't like how you were getting more attention than she could.

"You're sure everything is alright between you two?" Gyuri questioned Ava as they stood in the locker room changing their clothes after finishing practicing, Ava gulped not maintaining eye contact with her caption as she hurried to put her things inside the bag, "you know you're only in the cheer squad because of Jay right? Since you bought so much attention towards our team after your whole secret admirer agenda?" Ava nodded, zipping up her bag, Gyuri held her shoulder, forcing Ava to face her, "try to mend things in between you both, if you were good enough with your talent alone, you wouldn’t have to enter the team through popularity, I hope you remember all the times you got rejected by different people from the team okay? But now that you finally made it into the team, try to maintain your spot."

"Yes, we are doing fine, Gyuri, we just need a little bit of space, that's it. Everything will go back to normal." Gyuri gave her a skeptical looks, not buying her reasoning at all, "you used to write all those letters to him which made him turn from icy to soft, he looked so smitten by you initially, I don't know what you did, but try to handle it properly, don't be a disappointment, I already get yelled at by our coach for allowing you in the team with the amount of mistakes you do, but I let him drag me since I know you bring attention to the team, don't do anything stupid to further taint my name, Ava." Ava sighed, leaning her head on the locker after Gyuri left. There was so much pressure on her head, she didn't know how she would even handle that.

Ava left the locker room, her feet dragging towards the main gate of the university. Her steps halted as she saw you standing few feet apart from her, you gaze trained on your phone as you sat on the stairs by the entrance of the university's building. She contemplated reaching out to you, her texts and calls left unattended since weeks, you wouldn't entertain her now, but this wasn't the time to whine over things like that, she needed your help to get out of the mess she had made, just like how you always did. Ava took a deep breath, deciding that apologizing to you and asking for your help would be the best case scenario for now, she could always deal with your attitude problem after this mess is solved. She took a step towards you but stopped when she spot Jay walking out of the music room, guitar case hanging off his shoulder and eyes turning ever so soft as they landed on you.

"I didn't think you'd still be here, your classes ended early today," He said, dropping his guitar case gently beside him, his voice casual but his eyes said otherwise. You hummed, smirking at him, "oh so you keep a tab on my schedule now?" Jay shrugged, smiling too wide for someone just having a casual conversation with a friend, "I need to look after you." You squint your eyes at him, elbowing his stomach, "I don't need anyone to look after me," Jay groaned as if your little nudge to his stomach actually hurt, "I know you don't need to be looked after, but I want to." He scooted closer to you, elbows pressing together, knees touching, you didn't move away. "Why do you always do that?" Jay questioned after sometime, "do what?" He reached up, tucking a loose strand of hair behind your ear, thumb rubbing against your earlobe a little too long.

"You never properly hold eye contact with me." You blinked, caught off guard by his observation, Jay's gaze softened like he wanted to ask something more than that, you didn't notice the way Jay looked at you but Ava did. She stood there frozen, clutching her phone in her hand tightly, she noticed everything, the way Jay would always listen to your words attentively, how he had this soft smile on his face whenever he talked with you, how his eyes always found you despite being surrounded by a large crowd, Ava noticed everything. And as you packed your things and Jay snatched the bag from your hand and carried it on his shoulder instead, as you both walked off towards Jay's car blissfully unaware of Ava's presence, she realized, in that moment, that you weren't invisible anymore. And she hated it.

Your eyes were trained on the birthday invite sent by Ava on your phone. You both haven't talked with each other after she stormed out of your apartment, it wasn't the first time she did that, neither will it be the last time but you were done trying to save your friendship. You always apologize for things you didn't do just to protect your friendship but you couldn't let her do that repeatedly, you were done with her toxicity. But still your mind keeps on drifting towards how she'll manage to confess about her lying, if she'll be able to handle people throwing taunts at her. You didn't have to, but you felt bad for her. You looked at the following text she sent after sending the invite, 'I know we aren't on good terms but your presence would mean so much to me, especially for what I am going to do today, I will think of it as a last birthday gift from you.' You sighed, locking your phone and stood up to get ready for the party.

"Wow she really went all out for the party," Jake chuckled in amusement after he reached Ava's house, "I know right, I heard she invited more than half of the campus..." Heeseung trailed off, Sunghoon looked at Jay who had his jaw clenched as he looked at the scene in front of him, "you good bro?" Jay tore his eyes from the house and looked at Sunghoon, "It's weird, why would she invite so many people to a party where she's going to announce our breakup?" A loud gasp escaped Jake's mouth, "she's going to announce about your breakup?" Jay nodded looking at them, "she lied about those letters, they were never written by her."

"What? How did you even find that out?" Jay sighed watching his friends look at him with worried eyes, "I always felt disconnected from her, I started questioning her more about the letters but it would end up with us fighting and long story short, she confessed about her lies. I told her to tell everyone about her lies on her birthday when everyone will be present there and I will make sure no one will harass her over it and that we could part ways in peace after that." Heeseung nodded, still a bit shocked at how everything turned out, "if that's the case then it is indeed weird for her to go all out with the party."

"Let's just hope she isn't trying to pull any new stunts then," Sunghoon huffed looking at his friends, hands resting on his hips, "if she can steal someone else's identity for her greed, let's not think she is incapable of doing something mundane again." Rest of them nodded their heads, exchanging a look of wariness before making their way inside the house. Sunghoon stopped Jay from going away, one hand clutching his friend's shoulder, "Jay, I never got good vibes from Ava, don't let her get inside your head, be prepared for whatever okay? She's crazy enough. All you need is to look at me and I'll be there to help you." Jay smiled, nodding his head and assuring Sunghoon.

The party was in full swing, people were dancing around, some were already passed out on the couch, each corner of the house was crammed with people. The room smelled like sweat, alcohol and too many perfumes. Whenever you tried to move, your shoulders would brush against someone. The lights were dim but somehow harsh enough to make you squint. You had previously spotted Ava talking with her cheer squad, and called her aside to greet, give her the gift and go back into your apartment, but she stopped you, requesting you to wait since someone else called her name. Now you were standing beside the alcohol section, near the entrance of her house, waiting for an opportunity to find her alone and get done with it.

"Pretty," you didn't need to turn around to see who called you, his presence, his voice, the way you could feel his body heat on your back was enough for you to confirm who it was, "you're waiting for someone?" You nodded your head but didn't make any effort to change your position, eyes still trained on Ava who was now in the middle of celebrating her birthday. Jay stood beside her, his expressions hard as she cut her cake. She offered the piece of cake to Jay to which he just took it from her hand and fed her instead. The crowd cheered, their screams almost overpowering the music blasting through the speakers.

Then Ava signaled the DJ to pause the music, and the crowd quieted down, everyone gathered around Ava, who stood on the mini-stage along with Jay and some of her friends from the cheer team. Your heartbeat quickened but you felt a gentle squeeze on your shoulder, you looked up and Sunghoon gave you yet another squeeze of reassurance, you smiled at his gesture, a silent thank you, then you trained your eyes back on Ava, who was now looking at everyone with an anxious expression on her face as she announced she wanted to confess something to everyone. You swallowed, crossing your arms across your chest as you waited for her to continue. Jay stood beside her, eyes dark and intense but they softened slightly as he looked at you, your smile was enough to tell him you knew what was going to happen and he heaved a sigh, waiting for Ava to start speaking again.

"Thank you so much for attending my birthday and making it so much special for me," Ava smiled looking at everyone, "I am sure I won't be able to forget this birthday ever." Choruses of oohhs and aahhs spread all throughout the house, Ava shook her head, "I just want to confess something to you guys.....I've been holding it in for a while now." Everyone looked at each other, waiting for Ava to elaborate further, you watched as she looked back at Jay for a minute before her gaze turned back towards the crowd. You held your breath, anxious feelings creeping up on you as you waited for her to continue. "Everything is alright Ava?" Gyuri came forward, the rest of the crowd humming in agreement. She smiled at her, nodding her head, "I will be Gyuri." Sunghoon scoffed at her words as he leaned down towards you, "Oscar season came early huh?" You shivered as his breath hit your ears, a chuckle left his mouth watching her act.

"I feel like everyone deserves to know the truth about what's going on," you froze in your place when she stood beside Jay but her eyes locked in with yours. "The two people I trusted the most went behind my back," Ava's voice trembled as she looked at Jay, "he cheated on me," she exclaimed, pointing directly to you, "with her, my very own best friend." A ripple of gasp fluttered around the house, people glanced in your direction, whispering to each other low and biting. Tears welled up in your eyes, throat closing in, making it hard for you to defend yourself as you watched everyone look at you as if being in your vicinity made them impure.

"I trusted them, both of them but they intentionally chose to betray me like I was nothing." Your chest tightened as Ava continued her sob story of how you betrayed her, people around you started calling you names, whispers of you being a homewrecker, a whore, an attention seeking good for nothing slut, a nobody with a pretty best friend, a jealous bitch who couldn't watch her friend be happy. You shut your eyes, covering your ears with humiliation. "Avalyn!" Jay approached her, his tone dangerously even, "what the hell are you talking about?"

Sunghoon sighed as three of them made their way towards the stage where Ava and Jay were standing. Everyone's attention was fixed on the three band members who now stood at the foot of the stage as they watched the scene in front of them. Ava laughed bitterly, nose and cheeks red, and eyes glassy with unshed tears, "why are you acting innocent, I'm surely not the only one who noticed you pulling away from me, you didn't even sit next to me in cafeteria anymore, instead you were always around her, talking in whispers, about anything and everything, you think I wouldn't notice? You thought no one would believe the truth just because you're popular?"

"Oh I know you're not the one talking about popularity Ava!" All eyes turned towards Sunghoon who stepped up on the stage, eyes burning into Ava's, "you claimed to be the person who wrote those anonymous letters to Jay, you lied to everyone just so you could date Jay and get attention," everyone turned quiet, watching Sunghoon behave so rudely for the first time. Some of them turned towards you, trying to puzzle the pieces together. Jay stepped forward, grabbing Ava's arm to make her face him, "you lied to me, took advantage of someone else's words of love and used it for your selfish reasons and I pulled away from you when I caught your lie." Ava's eyes scanned everyone's face, lips trembling as she could feel everyone doubting her words, then her eyes fell upon you, her eyes darkening with anger, again.

"You're just deflecting because I caught you cheating!" She yanked her arm off his grasp, stepping back a little, "no! I'm clearing my name, if I was someone who treated relationships as casual, I would've dated countless girls and not waited for the right one!" The crowd started murmuring, words of agreement spread throughout as they realized the honesty Jay's words held, they never saw him entertain any girls before. Ava's breathing grows uneven when the room remains silent, no sympathy in their eyes, just observing, watching the drama unfold. "Are you done with your lies now? I told you we could part ways peacefully if you just confess about lying and come clean but you decided to drag me and your best friend through the mud just so you could have an upper hand."

Ava stepped closer to him, voice low but filled with venom, "you're really painting me as a villain because I claimed something that wasn't mine?" Jay stood there, his posture stiff and jaw clenched as Ava wasn't giving up, "you lied, Ava." She scoffed, tears clinging to her lashes, "but you believed me without a second thought Jay, and you believed me because you were desperate to be loved and I did just that, so how am I the villain?" You stepped back, unable to keep yourself together, the room felt too suffocating, you turned around towards the door trying to get out of the situation, to where? You didn't know, you just needed to get out of there. People watched as she spiraled more and more, concern spreading throughout the room, "and don't defend her like she needs to be saved," her voice lowered enough only Jay could hear, "she knew."

Slow smirk forming on her face, "She knew the whole truth but she chose to stay quiet." Jay froze, heart stopping at the cruel revelation, "you're lying..." but the look on Ava's face was enough for Jay to realize she wasn't lying this time. "She knew from the beginning, she watched me take the credit for those letters, watched you fall for them, and still chose to say nothing. So how are we different now?" Jay's eyes scan your figure amongst the crowd, like looking for you would give him some answers. Jay could barely hear a word coming from Ava's mouth, he felt his chest tightened, with disappointment? Betrayal? Or something else entirely? He wasn't sure.

Sunghoon leaned closer to Jay, informing him about you leaving the house. He pushed Jay down the stage so he would follow you. It took some time for him to snap out of everything and his feet started moving before his mind could catch up. Ava stood still, eyes trained on the way the crowd watched Jay run towards the door. Ava's figure trembled with anger, but underneath all the fury there was fear. Because she could see the closeness you and Jay shared couldn't be erased, not even now, now even after her lies were laid bare in front of everyone. Her feet moved, she couldn't let this moment be the one responsible for her downfall, Sunghoon grabbed her hand, pulling her back harshly, "we aren't done with you Ava," He looked back, Jake and Heeseung joining him as they cornered Ava, "can’t really let you walk away without leaving a scar for what you did to our best friend, now can we?"

Sunghoon turned towards the door, watching Jay run off towards the direction he gave him, Jay stopped when he reached the door, turning around to find himself locking eyes with Sunghoon who was holding Ava back from following him. Jay waited for him to say something, but Sunghoon just smiled, nodding his head at Jay and ushering him to follow you. Jay's lips trembled but he nodded back, turning around with newfound determination to find you. He walked down the stairs, looking around to see if he could catch a single glimpse of you, he ran his fingers through his hair, messing up the neat style he previously did. He swallowed hard, taking deep breaths, when he spotted something sparkling around the corner of the block. He ran towards that direction, praying and hoping you'd still be there.

You were walking down the sidewalk, mind too clouded and eyes too hazy to hear footsteps edging closer. You felt someone grab your hand and yank you back, then you heard the faintest whisper of your name, the voice slightly laboured, out of breath. A shiver ran down your spine at the sight of him, not expecting him to follow you out, you wanted to say something, anything but the look in his eyes, the way his lips trembled as he looked at you, the way his jaw was clenched as if he was holding something back, stopped you to saying anything further. For a moment he just looked at you, at your reddened eyes and tears stricken face but all it did was take him back a few moments ago when Ava told him the truth.

"You knew," he stated, his voice low and laced with something too broken to name, "Avalyn told me you knew she didn't write those letter, and you never told me..." your heart cracked at the slight crack in his voice as he talked, you opened your mouth but no words came out. He removed his hand from you, stepping closer till your toes touch, "all this time," he laughed bitterly, blinking a couple of times to wash away the tears that threatened to fall, "you watched me believe her, fall for a fake version of her, I trusted her, I trusted you, you're the only person with whom I shared the struggles of my relationship with, about how the letters made me feel seen, about how your best friend wasn't living up to it and you just let me?"

His words cut through you like a knife, you swallowed hard, throat dry, "it wasn't my place-" "wasn't your place?" He spat, eyes burning with betrayal and underlying heartbreak, "I thought you were my friend." Your head hung low, tears slipping down your cheeks, ashamed that you let everything spiral to this, "I'm your friend," your voice cracked, hands clenching into fist, you couldn't bring yourself to look at Jay, too guilty to feel worthy enough to do so. He shook his head as he watched you trembling in front of him, his hands itched to just pull you closer and hug you till it all started making sense. But he just shook his head instead.

The silence stretched for too long, none of you moved, your mind was swirling with hundreds of reasons you could give in order to justify your actions to him but none of them felt worthy enough to say out loud. Jay's hand trembled as they cupped your face, he placed his thumbs below your chin to tilt your face upward, "do you know how humiliating it was to find out that the entire foundation of my relationship was fake? That the girl who confessed about writing letters to me just played with my heart to get a few people to glance her way?" He wiped away the tears that fell down your cheeks, and leaned his forehead against yours, "and you? You let me believe in all of those things, you watched me make a fool of myself and didn't feel I'm worthy enough to know the truth."

Your breath hitched, hands reaching up to curl around his jacket to ground yourself, "I didn't want to hurt you Jay." He brushed his nose against you then stepped back, eyes red, hair disheveled as he narrowed his eyes at you, "isn't it too late to say that?" You closed your eyes as a choked sob escaped from your mouth, you couldn't even look at him without feeling the need to rip your heart apart. He was hurting, and he was hurting because of you. He studied you for a moment, even though every fibre of his body told him to just reach out to you, he took another step back, "I just," he ran his hand through his hair, visibly overwhelmed, "I don't know who I can trust anymore."

You opened your eyes at his words, "Jay," you started but he backed away even though you stayed glued in your spot, "wait here. Sunghoon will come and drop you off." And you watched him turn around and walk back towards Ava's house. You could see the weight of the betrayal, the disappointment, the truth weighing on his shoulders as he walked away and you stood there, watching the boy you love unraveling and breaking right in front of you. After a while, Sunghoon's car pulled up beside you and he got off, running towards where you stood, your arms circled around his waist, tears streaming down your face and sipping into his shirt. He held you close, rubbing your back to console you. The drive towards your apartment was silent, he glanced at you from time to time to check if you were doing fine. You bid him goodbye, assuring him that you'll call him if it felt too suffocating. He kissed your forehead, and pulled out of your building.

Jay was laid wide awake in his bedroom, still wearing the same clothes from the party, now slightly crumpled and disheveled. He blinked at the ceilings, recalling back to everything that led him to this moment. It felt surreal, the anonymous letters, the lie, the hope he had, the connection he shared with you, your lie, and the moment it all crashed down. He rubbed his face, groaning in his hands for being so stupid, he blamed himself for not verifying Ava's claim, for trusting her blindly. He wondered how his life would've been if he never received those letters, if he never let himself believe that someone was out there loving him the way he didn't know he needed. Maybe he got selfish after reading those letters.

He wondered how the person who originally wrote the letters must've felt after learning Ava claimed the letters as hers, about why that person never came forward to expose her lie, then his thoughts drifted to you. He still remembered the way his heart dropped when Ava told him you knew the truth all along, how even after knowing you deliberately chose to lie his heart still ached for you. How watching you crying in front of him felt like thousands of glass pieces pierced his skin, all at once. How one teary look from your eyes was enough for him to get on his knees for you. And it all confused him to no extent, he was sure he loved the person who wrote him the letters and he knew there was no one else who could see him the way they did, or make him feel the way their words did.

But now here he was, drowning in your thoughts, realization dawning upon him that even if you somehow decided to stab him with a knife, he would happily help you by placing it in the middle of his heart. That he somehow managed to fall in love with you so hard that he isn't sure what to do with his feelings. He knew he should've told you off, called you a liar, broken ties with you just like he did with Ava, because you were her best friend and you took part in her lies, that should've been the case but it wasn't. Instead, he just found himself looking for you amidst the crowd, his heart pounding and he ran off to find you, how his heart clenched at the sight of your trembling form and how relieved he felt after knowing you were safe.

He sighed, sitting up straight and switching on the lights of his room. He had been trying to sleep but he couldn't with all these thoughts running in his mind. His eyes wandered around his room as he grabbed the glass of water from his nightstand and drank it. He stopped when his eyes landed on the notebook neatly placed on his desk, your notebook, which you dropped as you rushed to attend the seminar. Despite his better judgement, his steps carried him towards his desk anyway. He picked up the notebook, fingers tracing the stem of the book, smiling softly at the little heart you drew at the corner of the cover page. He traced the heart with his thumb as if to picture you doodling it while you were thinking about something.

There wasn't a single thought behind his eyes when he opened your notebook, no suspicion, no curiosity, just a causal reach, a familiar motion which one does when they have a book in their hand. He didn't mean to see anything inside the book, but the second the pages parted and his eyes caught the words written inside, something shifted, like his heart recognized something his mind was yet to figure out. His fingers stilled against the paper, breath hitching as he looked at the pages, turning over a few more, just in case. He stumbled a bit, like the floor beneath his feet decided to slip off, and fell on his bed, he exhaled a deep breath, eyes trained on the book and your handwriting staring back at him, achingly familiar, too familiar and it hurt.

His fingers hovered over the ink, as if he felt the words would vanish if he touched them carelessly. But they didn't, they stayed, etched in the unmistakable way you write your words, the same pauses, the same rhythm. He flipped open the last page of the book and his throat tightened as he read a few lines that were scribbled recklessly, the handwriting a bit messy as if you wanted to hold onto the words before they disappeared from your head. Lines he recognized instantly, the one he knew he had read before, not in your notebook but in one of the letters that are neatly tucked inside the box. He grabbed the box and searched for the letters where you wrote those exact same lines dedicated to him. Keeping them side by side.

'I think you look the best as the sun sets, the sun's rays kissing your face in a gentle goodbye. Even the ground beneath you looks beautiful coated in your silhouette, and I wonder if I'll ever be able to stop seeing that version of you when I close my eyes.' He remembered those lines, he remembered how you wrote that you watched him enter the campus with his bandmates as he laughed at something his friends said, how you watched him till he disappeared from your sight from the library's crooked window, how you couldn't help but feel overwhelmed by how beautiful he looked and how deeply you were falling for him. His hands trembled as he clutched the notebook in his hands and made his way towards his car, towards you. He couldn't wait till next morning to talk to you, not after everything you both have been through, not after all the wait and longing.

You were sitting on your couch, hands in your hair, regretting everything that led you to this moment. All you wanted was to express your love for a person who helped you when you were at your lowest, a quiet support to let him know he wasn't alone. You still recalled writing him your first letter after you heard his parents berate him for choosing a musical career instead of their family business, they way his shoulders slumped, how hurt embraced him like an old friend. All you wanted was to let him know that he's loved, he's seen, and that his struggles aren't invisible. And maybe you did reach your goal, made him feel all the things you intended on making him feel but then everything shattered, like a twisted fairytale. And here you were, replaying it all, wishing you'd never sent those letters to him to spare him from the hurt that now made home in his eyes.

You wiped the tears that streamed down your cheeks, they seemed to be never ending, you'd sit for a while, blankly staring at nothing in particular then a sudden wave of emotions would dawn on you and tears would well up. You didn't try to stop them, didn't try to think of something that would numb all the pain. You deserved it, after all you had chosen to side with Ava instead of correcting her mistakes, so you let yourself feel, let yourself cry, let yourself hurt. You stood up, deciding to let sleep distract you from your feelings for a few hours would be a good option, you didn't want to bother Sunghoon with your feelings, he already did so much for you.

You turned around towards your bedroom, stopping mid-step as the echo of your doorbell bounced off your apartment walls. You frowned, wondering who would be visiting you at this hour. Still, you made your way towards the door, and opened it without a second thought, Jay stood in front of you, breathless, eyes red, then your eyes fell upon something he was holding tight in his hand. A notebook, yours to be specific. He didn't say anything right away, just stared at you as your brain pieced together the puzzle. You tilted your head upward, heart racing as you looked at him when a voice at the back of your head chimed in, he knows.

You weren't sure what to expect now that your secret has been revealed, you didn't not expect to see him again so soon, especially not with your notebook clutched in his hand at least. He walked towards you, and you wordlessly backed away to give him space, he hesitated before reluctantly stepping forward and keeping the book on the table by your entrance, "you left this behind," he mumbled, looking towards the notebook and not you, his voice hoarse as if it had been scratched. Then he turned towards you, stepping forward till there was no space left for you to go, "I read it." You swallowed, heart thundering inside your chest, "why did you? It was you....all this time....you." You inhaled sharply, mind racing with countless of things you could say to make this situation less messy and complicated than it had become, but before you could speak, he closed the distance, almost desperately, almost as if staying one second away from you was eating him up alive.

His lips met yours, not softly, not hesitantly. His fingers tangled in your hair, another one snaking around your waist to pull you close. Your hands found home on his shoulders, gasping at the sheer shock of it all. He kissed you like it was his elixir, the only thing that made the ache in his heart subsidize for a while. The kiss was everything, pain, longing, anger, love, all wrapped into one reckless moment of affection. He pulled back enough for both of you to breathe the air but not far enough that you'd miss his touch. His hand was still tangled in your hair, he gave it a gentle tug to tilt your head towards him, "I'm so fucking mad at you," his lips brushed against yours as he uttered those words, low and seething, "but I've never wanted anything else more than this."

He stepped back while you were still frozen in one place, his kiss lingering on your lips like a confession and goodbye at the same time. You opened your eyes, your breathing shallow, a little bit shaky as you watched him pace around your living room. You hesitated reaching out for him, like if you moved quickly the moment would shatter and vanish like it never happened in the first place. "Jay," you started, softly this time, fearing he would stop you yet again and leave you hanging, when he didn't, you took it as a sign to continue, "I never meant for you to know it's me." He stopped, his back turned towards you, "but I needed to..." turning around and stepping closer to you, "I needed to know it was you." Your lips trembled, you looked down to prevent him from watching you break yet again.

His hand reached up to cup your face, other reaching forward to hold your hand, "I was so angry," he breathed, leaning his forehead on yours, "At Ava, at you, at myself. I thought maybe all of it was just a fragment of my imagination, that none of this was real." You blinked, nodding your head, unsure of whether this is where he leaves or forgives you, "but then I saw this notebook, your handwriting, and I knew it was real, that you are real." Tears pricked your eyes but you blinked them back. "Why didn't you tell me?" He questioned, his nose brushing against yours, "I didn't tell you because I never thought you'd ever see me that way."

He kissed away the tears that managed to escape your eyes, your heart swelling with emotions at the softness of his actions, "don't say that, you don't get to decide how I feel about you, about us." He kissed your forehead, staying there for a beat or two, "I was looking for someone who was by my side the whole time, who made me feel seen, yet I was blind enough to never recognize the calm I felt in your presence was so achingly familiar."

"I never planned on coming out of the shadows, Jay. I just wanted to love you from afar, because I felt someone like me would never be able to keep up with someone like you. But Ava changed everything and I couldn't do anything about it. I tried warning her, but you looked so happy when she confessed that I couldn’t bring myself to tell the truth." You choked a sob, leaning your head on his shoulder as you cried. He held you close, kissing your head as he tried to blink back his own tears. "I fell in love with your words first, but it was your presence that made me fall deeper." And then without another word, he pulled you in for another kiss, soft and slow before it turned into something hungrier and needy.

"You said you weren't sure if I wanted you right?" He mumbled, not breaking the kiss, he pushed you towards your bedroom, a soft gasp leaving your lips at the abrupt movement, he took it as an opportunity to ease his tongue in your mouth, exploring, carving and claiming every corner of you as his, "let me show you how much I want you." His kisses trailed down from your mouth, to your jaw, his hand tilting your head slightly to pepper kisses down your throat. Your hand clutched his shirt, other sliding up from his chest to the nape of his neck and pulling his hair lightly. He groaned against your neck, sending shivers down your spine, his tongue lapping at your sweet spot. You moaned, he took it as a sign to suck on the same spot till a mark bloomed on it.

He pulled away, your body trembling as the air hit the spot where he licked. "You want me to show you?" He whispered, giving you a chance to back out if this isn't what you wanted, you gulped, taking a step closer, lips hovering above his, just enough, enough to drive him crazy with the distance, enough to have him begging for more, "yes," you sighed against his lips before grabbing his collar and pulling him down for another kiss. His hands travelled down from your neck, to your waist and finally they settled down low on your hips, pulling you closer so you could feel his hardening length against your thigh. You bit his bottom lip in response, which pulled a hiss from his mouth, hands tightening around your hips like he didn't want you to stop.

You felt his hand knead on the skin at the swell of your ass, your hands curling around his neck to bring him closer. He tapped your thigh, once, twice while leaning down and you took it as a sign to jump as he gave you support and carried you. Your legs wrapped around his waist and he pushed your body against the wall. He pulled away from the kiss, a string of saliva connecting your lips making him moan. He looked at you with a heavy, drunk in euphoria stare, a lopsided smile adorning his face as he took in your form, breathing heavily, cheeks flushed, hair messy and swollen lips. He decided it was one of his favorite looks.

His hand slid up from your waist, to your chest, stopping briefly to see you whimper before it reached your neck. He curled his finger around your neck, giving it a firm squeeze and you whined, throwing your head back, legs instinctively tightening around his hips. He smirked, leaning closer, "I need you to use your voice for me, butterfly. You think you could do that for me?" You nodded your head, aroused by the intensity of it all. He gave your neck another squeeze, a bit more firm, like a warning, "use your words, butterfly." You moaned, eyes rolling back, "yes." He smiled, releasing his hold from your neck and giving your neck a gentle kiss, "good girl."

Your hands that rested on his shoulders, rose up to cradle his face as he continued to lick, suck and bite your neck. You tilted his head, reconnecting your lips with his as if you couldn't just get enough of it. He groaned, one hand sliding at the nape of your neck to deepen the kiss and the other pressing into the skin of your arm, squeezing the flesh to anchor himself. He traced his tongue on your lips, before capturing your lips again, biting at the skin, silently asking you to let him in. His fingers then pulled at the hem of your top, tugging at it impatiently, you broke off the kiss, pulling the top over your head and throwing it somewhere in the room. His pupils dilated, hunger creeping in as he looked at you like he had been starving.

You swallowed hard, for the first time in your life you were watching someone unravel because of you without even doing anything wild. His ragged breath made you bold, you ran your fingers through his scalp before grabbing a fistful of hair and tugging it. He moaned, his lips attaching to the unmarked area of your chest, his hands sliding up and stopping just below the swell of your breast, "is this okay butterfly? Can I touch you here?" You whined, arching your chest, needy for his touch, "please," you whispered, almost as if it physically pained you because he wasn't touching you and he sighed, biting his lips and reaching up to squeeze your boobs.

"Let me take this off," His hands found the clasp of your bra, detaching it in one swift motion, he pulled the bra off of you and threw it down. Your eyes widened, low-key impressed by his 'bra-removing-expertise' but your train of thoughts broke off just as you felt his lips on your nipple, he liked it, then blew air on it, sending shiver throughout your body, his hand softly massaging the other one. You closed your eyes, leaning your head against the wall as he switched between both of your boobs, heat pooling between your legs, begging for attention. He took his time with your boobs, relishing at the sound of your soft sighs. He licked up your neck, placing a slow kiss on it, you grind your hips against his, a groan ripping out of his throat at the sudden sensation. His hands supported your back as he turned around and walked towards the bed, gently laying you down.

He stood at the foot of the bed, his eyes roaming on your half-naked self, he climbed up, gulping at the sight before him, "so beautiful." Your hands instinctively cross over your chest, frown appearing on his face at your actions, "don't be embarrassed, it's just me." He hovered over you, hands on your side, he removed your arms from your chest, dipping his head low and placing gentle kisses all over your chest, mumbling sweet nothings in between. Your hands fists the sheets, as he moved lower, his eyes trained on the way your expression changed with every movement of his. He stopped as he reached near the waistband of your shorts, sucking and marking the area around your hips. Your breath shuddered, eyes closing.

"Are you sure you want to do this?" Your body relaxed as you felt Jay's voice vibrate through the skin of your stomach, you looked at him, hands on both sides of your hips as he found home in between your legs, chin propped up on your stomach, pupil blown wide as he waited for your answer. You ran your fingers through his hair, a small smile gracing your lips before the heat in between your legs became too much to handle, "yes, love." He got up, sitting on his knees as he started removing his shirt. You reached up, rising slightly to help him, eager to have him close. He threw his shirt somewhere near the bed, you sat up, trailing kisses from his torso to his chest. He tangled his fingers on your hair, not pulling, just holding. His eyes met with your lust filled one and you bit on his nipple, then placed a kiss, he moaned, loud enough that he surprised himself, and he pushed you back on the bed, connecting his lips back to yours.

His hands travelled down your body, squeezing, gripping, tracing, the skin beneath his hands, "you're so soft, butterfly." His fingers dig inside the waistband of your shorts, your breath hitched in anticipation, he looked at you once before he pulled both your shorts and panties off of you, together, in one swift motion. You tried closing your legs, the air around you feeling cool against the slick in between your folds. "You're dripping butterfly, all this for me?" He dipped down, fingers separating your folds to get a better look at your dripping hole, you whined, clenching around nothing as his words went straight into your core. His breath fanning against your folds, he slid up two of his fingers on your slit, your hips jolting with surprise, legs shaking.

He kept an eye on your face, in case you felt uncomfortable, he rubbed your clit in small circles, your legs digging in the bed, back arching. Your hand gripped his shoulder, the other one holding the wrist of his hand which was making you see stars. "I'll be putting a finger in love," he waited for your reply then carefully inserted his middle finger inside your hole, you gasped, lead lifting off the pillow, his head dipped down, capturing your lips in his to help you get distracted. He started moving his finger when you let out a strained whine, his movements slow and steady as he waited for your body to adjust to the feeling. "So good, Jay." He smiled at your words, carefully inserting his index finger and curling them inside you to test out the waters.

"Jay," you moaned, eyes rolling back, he continued his movements, increasing his pace, he could feel your walls clenching around his fingers, "damn love, you're doing so good for me." Your chest rose and fell, heart racing, mind filled with pleasure, you could feel a knot forming in your stomach, "Jay, I think- I think I'm gonna cum," Jay smiled at you, already feeling your release close before you even said anything, "yeah? Cum all over my fingers butterfly, make a mess." You nodded, brows furrowing at the overwhelming feeling, "shit, Jay don't stop," your breath shuttered, pleasure washing over you. Jay's movements slowed down, his eyes trained on the way your juices coated his fingers, his head dipped down, licking a long strip on your pussy, your hands flew onto his head, pulling at his hair at the sudden action.

His fingers gain their pacing again, as his tongue works on your clit, "Jay, it's too much, I can't." He groans when he feels you pull at his hair, "you can do it love, give me another one please." He laps at your pussy, eating it like it's his last meal, his hips slightly rut against the bed, aching to get some friction, you bite your lips, trying to supress your moans with how good he's making you feel and it's not long before you come undone again. He removed his fingers from your pussy and you whined at the empty feeling, you watched as he looked at you before putting his fingers at his mouth and licking them clean. His hands then spread your legs wider, tongue darting out to lick you clean. You shiver, legs closing around his head, feeling overstimulated after cumming twice, he laps at your pussy, smiling at you when he's done.

You pull the waistband of his jeans, a little impatient but eager to help him with his needs, "take it off." He chuckled at your needy tone as he removed his jeans and boxer, his hardened lock slapping against his abs. You gulped, mouth salivating at the sight, he looked so gorgeous as he kneeled before you, eyes closing momentarily as he stroked himself lightly, spreading his precum on his length. He climbed over you, his cock slapping against your thigh. He sighed, wiping the sweat dripping off your forehead and removing the hair sticking on your face. "So beautiful, could eat you out for hours, butterfly, you taste so good." You flush at his words, slapping his chest lightly, he laughed, leaning up to place a chaste kiss on your forehead.

He rubbed his cock against your fold to gather you slick, his hands placed on either side of your head, one of your hands held his shoulder while the other ran through his hair. He kissed you, gentle and soft as he lined himself up in your entrance, your breath hitched at the mere contact, legs tightening beside his waist, he groaned against the kiss, his hand sliding down to keep your legs open wide as he pushed himself in you, slow and steady. You hissed, feeling his tip enter your dripping cunt, he kissed you all throughout, mumbling words of encouragement and praises in between as he slowly bottomed out inside you. "Fuck butterfly, you're so fucking tight around me, it's like you're sucking me in, love."

You whimpered, feeling full, he looked at you, showering kisses across your face till you adjusted to his size so he could move. "Tell me when you'll be ready, okay love? Take your time." You nodded your head, kissing and marking his neck to distract yourself from momentary pain, his neck chain shining, against your face, "please move, Jay, fuck." He gave you a peck before pulling out of your pussy all the way, then sliding back in, in one swift motion. Your back arched, as a strangled moan left your lips. His hands trembled just hearing you moan right next to his ears. The sounds are going straight in his cock.

He pulled out, only to thrust back in, slow and deep, his eyesbrows furrowed as he tried his best not to lose control and fuck you senseless. You moaned, your walls clenching around his length, his chain hitting your face in the same rhythm his hips snapped against yours. "Faster, please." He leaned his head on yours, his movements steady as he smirked at you, "you want it faster my love?" You nodded frantically, and he bit your lip as he adjusted himself to increase his pace. He started slamming his length into you faster, and harder and with the way your walls were trying to suck him into you, he knew you were close. One of his hands slid down your body to rub circles around your clit to heighten your pleasure.

"Ah fuck, Jay!" He smirked as you held onto him like your life depended on it, "you're taking me so well baby, this pussy," he groaned, hand never stopping their movement on your clit, "made for me." You whined, nails digging on his shoulders, his chain repeatedly hitting your face, you frowned tilting your head up and parted your lips, and as the chain hit your face again, you trapped it between your teeth, Jay froze at he felt a abrupt tug on his neck, looking down towards you he breathed out a pained sigh, completely unraveling. His hips recovered their pace, hips slamming against yours. You released the chain and he dipped his head to suck your nipple.

"Fuck, Jay, I'm close so close," He released your nipple only to focus on the other one, "me too, I'm close too butterfly, cum with me, cover me with your juices, love, fuck." His movements became sloppy, losing the rhythm as he fucked you recklessly, you moaned one last time as your orgasm washed over you, he rode you through your high before spilling his seeds inside of you, long spruts if cum dripping out of his cock, you whined feeling the heat of his cum spilling inside if you. "I love you," you opened your eyes to see smiling down at you, the soft glow of your bedroom light framed him in gold, casting a quiet halo around his body, he chuckled lightly, wiping the tear that escaped your eyes without even you knowing, your lips trembled, "I love you too."

He closed his eyes, dropping his weight on you as he hugged you close, burying his face on your neck, still buried deep inside you. You hugged his shoulders, massaging his scalp as both of you regained your breath. "Come one, let me clean you up so we can sleep." You whined at his words and he chuckled, scooping you in his arms instead and took you inside the bathroom to clean you and himself up. You shuddered as he cleaned your pussy, feeling overstimulated and sore. He mumbled quick apologies, cleaning himself up, changing the sheets and climbing up on the bed with you to finally sleep.

The hallway is empty, save for a few students who are scattered across in little groups, you're sitting inside the empty classroom, gathering your belongings as you texted Jay that you'll be heading to his house soon. A small smile gracing up on your face at the mere thought of spending time with him. You're so busy with yourself that you don't hear her approach you. But the moment a pair of heels come into view, you glance up and Ava is already looking down at you, standing in front of you like she had been searching for you all day. Her eyes are red, almost as if she had been crying all week, her perfect hair frying at the edges, but it's her eyes, raw, wild and angry, you stand up.

"You're such a great actress," she says, low and seething as she looked at you, "you wrote those letters and let me play the role of a fool as I claimed to be the one who wrote your letters. You let me be the thief." You opened your mouth but she cut you off, stepping forward, every movement sharp with fury, "was this your ultimate plan? To humiliate me? Let me take the fall so you could step on me and reclaim the spot as yours?" Your eyebrow twitched, words flying off of your mind at her accusations, "No!" You sharply declined, stepping towards her instead of backing away like you always did, "you don't get to play the victim here Ava, you did this all upon yourself. Yes I wrote those letters, yes I let you claim it as yours but I did it for Jay."

You stood tall, having enough of her tantrums and manipulation, "I did it because he looked so happy when I saw him with you. You didn't ask me when you claimed those letters as yours, I even warned you but you are so selfish, you only think about yourself." She laughed, eyes squinting, "you let me live in the spotlight while you sat there watching me like some pathetic loser, what does that make me now?" Her voice crumbled, not from pain but from fury, "nothing, that's what I am now! I lost Jay, I lost my spotlight, I lost....you. and you were supposed to be someone who would never leave." Your heart broke watching her breakdown in front of you but you knew better.

"You were mine, my best friend, my shadow. You weren't supposed to overtake me, you were supposed to stay behind me!" She stepped closer, but you stepped back, she froze, realization hitting her on the face that the power she once had on you is over now. "You don't complain when you make your own plate, Ava. I warned you but you never listened. I stayed with you even when I knew you were using me to satisfy your ego, I thought you'd change but no, you don't care about anyone else but you and your image, and now that you've lost it, you're trying to manipulate me into thinking I was at fault. You wouldn't be in this situation if you never lied." She laughed, "wow, you really are the cruel one," she whispered. She stepped back, her heels echoing off the empty classroom and she left. And you were left standing there, watching her go out of your classroom and your life.

"Yeah yeah, I'll be there soon," Jay replied to Heeseung while packing his things inside his bag. He was currently in the music room of the university while everyone else was waiting for him to join them at a hangout spot they usually go to, the bridge that overlooks a river. He hung up the phone, his screen blinking with Heeseung's contact photo. He shook his head, locking his screen and continuing with his actions. He looked around to check if he forgot anything when he noticed he left his music book on the table, he grabbed the book hurriedly before placing it inside his bag.

An envelope fell down from his book due to his frantic movements and he stopped, crouching down to pick it up. His chest fluttered when he opened it, a handwriting which he had seen countless times appearing in front of his eyes, he smiled in amusement, wondering when you put this letter inside his book. He opened the letter anyway, deciding that waiting till the day was over would be too much for his curious heart.

My Jay,

If you look into my eyes, you'll find me thanking the heavens for blessing you in my life, smiling at the thought that I was lucky to have you, thinking about how I ended up with you.

If you look into my eyes, you'll find me looking for you everywhere I go, trying to trace your face amongst the crowd, yearning for being in your presence.

If you look into my eyes, amidst all the lingering eyes and subtle glances, you'll find me staring at you, watching you giggle, and when I get caught, I look away hiding my blush.

If you look into my eyes, you'll see how much your presence affects me, wanting to be the center of your universe. If I could, I would spend eternity with you.

If you look into my eyes, you'll find me clutching onto our dreams, a bit insecure about our future, still determined to take the tempting risk.

If you look into my eyes, you'll find how deeply I'm into you, so much so to the point I sometimes scare myself, thinking about how hard life would be without you.

If you look into my eyes, you'll find me standing by the river, gently letting the wind engulf my heart, looking at you longingly as you try your best not to fall.

If you look into my eyes, you'll see a tired soul, just wanting to love and to be loved, wondering if you feel it the way I do.

If you look into my eyes, you'll feel the love that pours out of me, just look up and stare directly at my eyes, you'll find me clutching at our dreams.

If you look into my eyes, you'll find yourself.

Yours,

Butterfly.

PS: I know you're wondering when I put this letter inside, but you'd never know, I'm kind of very good at this whole secret admirer agenda. Don't expect anything else, just because I'm dating you doesn't mean these letters will stop. I'm very much in love with you, but there are still some moments where I'm too shy to say what I want to say, but I need you to know how much I love you, so these letters are my armour. I wrote this for you recently, and I wanted you to read that!

He smiled, feeling warmth spread all throughout him as he folded the letter and put it inside the envelope, making a mental note to keep it inside the box when he reached back home. He sighed, content at how things have turned out. He still had a long way to go with his parents but you were by his side now, so he was glad he wouldn't have to face it alone. He felt at peace with you, never felt the need to say much. He was zoned out, drowning in his thoughts when his phone rang again, he snapped out of his thoughts, answering Heeseung's calls, "I'm done bro, I was just leaving."

"How many fingers can you see?" You glared at Jake, who currently stood beside you holding up 4 fingers in front of your face, "four," you muttered through gritted teeth, you could hear Heeseung chuckle from behind you, which annoyed you more. You put your glasses back, shoving Jake's shoulders. "You can see, why do you need glasses," you rubbed your temple, sighing in disappointment, "I'm not THAT blind, I just need them to see more clearly, stupid." Jake looked at you like you had just committed a crime against his dignity, "woah, did you just call me stupid? After all the love and affection I shower you with?" He placed a hand on his heart, staggering back a step, "me? The one who puts up with you squinting at traffic lights?"

Your mouth fell open at his words, you lurched forward, attempting to grab his precious hair as he didn't seem to back down from his teasing you. Heeseung laughed at both of you, clutching his stomach, beside him Sunghoon just shook his head, an amused smile plastered on his face as he stepped forward to separate Jake from your fury. "See, and you wonder why I call her trouble!" You stuck your tongue out at Jake, who was trying to make his hair more presentable after you messed it, trying to win an argument like a five year old, which worked somehow because Jake whined, clearly more irritated.

Jake gave you a side eye before turning around dramatically and walked off, joining Heeseung and complaining about how mean you are and how you never seem to return the love he showers you with, and how he feels that his best friend's agenda is one sided and you never considered him as such. You laughed at him, and he threw you an annoyed glance. You heard Sunghoon clear his throat from behind you and you turned around, standing beside him, overlooking the river as both of you leaned against the railing. "You know," you turned your head in his direction, but he wasn't looking at you, instead focusing his eyes on the view in front of him, "you used to make my heart race, at some time." You saw him swallow, a soft smile adorning his face, your heart skipped a beat, but you still hummed in response, "now you make me question your maturity level on a daily basis."

You gasped in mock offense, turning your head back at the river flowing gently in front of you, "excuse you, I just reciprocate the energy people give me." He chuckled, his fang-like teeth making an appearance, "whatever helps you sleep at night pretty." You pout at his words, bumping your shoulder with his playfully, he bumps back, just enough to make you slightly wobble on your spot. "Hey! I could've fallen," you whined, holding onto the railing tightly as if he would try to bump into you again, "don't worry, I would have fallen with you before letting you do it alone." You felt your heart tightened at his words but when you looked at him, you could see a teasing glint in his eyes, like he knew those words would make you stumble a bit.

You shook your head, smiling softly at his words, "see I don't doubt your words but I was hoping you'd just pull me back instead of falling with me." He chuckled at your words, ruffling your hair before retracting his hand back. "I'm glad it's you," He mumbled after sometime, "with Jay, I mean." He was already looking at you when you turned your head towards him, the wind messing his hair. You smiled, feeling warmth spread over you, "and I'm glad, you are still beside me." He nodded, tearing his eyes away from you, "I know....I think I'm exactly where I am supposed to be." You gulped, still looking at his face, you could see he wanted to say something more, so you just nudged his shoulder and arched your eyebrows at him.

It got quiet for a second, wind flowing through your hair as you stood with him in silence yet it was enough, for you both, it would always be enough, "I think some part of me loved you even before I realized it, you're good, a steady kind of good, the type where I know I could lean on you and never have to worry about falling apart." You nodded, biting your lips at his sudden confession, "and I loved you, not in the way like I love Jay, but something just as real, something I still do." His smile turned a little melancholic but still held the same warmth nonetheless, "I'm glad at the way things turned out, that you got Jay just how you wanted, it pained me to watch him be with Ava, second guessing everything in his life." You exhaled, memories resurfacing in front of your eyes, "you pushed me towards him when all you wanted was to hold me, it's something which I will never forget, Hoon."

"Oh, this dangerously looks like someone is trying to bond without me," you both turn around at the voice, you don't move but you're already grinning like a lovesick fool, the wind mess with your hair lightly and Sunghoon just smiles like he had been waiting for Jay to make his entrance. "Relax, lover boy, she's still yours." Jay rolled his eyes at Sunghoon's words, making his way towards where you stood and sliding his arms around both of your shoulders, pulling you both in. "We were just talking," you grinned, nuzzling into his warmth, "talking huh?" He teased, playing with your ear. Sunghoon snorted, clearly amused at the exchange, "yeah talking, want me to narrate everything to you so you'd feel included?"

Jay shook his head as Sunghoon leaned his head on his shoulder, "trouble comes in pairs in my life." You and Sunghoon laughed at his words, not really defending his claim, then Jay sighed, a content smile gracing on his lips, "lucky for me though, I'm clingy and not emotionally constipated." You scrunch your nose in response, just as Sunghoon faked his cough, "and humble too, apparently," you joked, rolling your eyes though you had a fond smile on your face. "Seriously though..." Jay trailed off, kissing your temple as you hand reached up to give his hand a gentle squeeze, "I don't think I've ever felt this steady in my life, like I know even if the world around me starts to spin I've got people who would have my back."

"And we've got your back too," Heeseung replied, standing beside Sunghoon, who then draped his hand on Heeseung's shoulder, while Jake joined your side, his hands interlocking yours as he looked at everyone, "Wow, this shit almost made me cry." Everyone groaned, nagging at him for ruining the moment. "It's so stupid, but I feel so lucky right now," Jay chuckled, biting back his emotions. "You're definitely stupid, but hey at least you're self aware," Heeseung laughed, looking at everyone with softness. Jay shook his head as he dramatically sighed, "I take it back, I'm not lucky, I'm doomed." Sunghoon chimed in, not missing a beat, "you still chose us, real tragic."

Jay threw his head back, mumbling quiet curses and you all laughed at him, Heeseung stepped forward, reaching up to ruffle Jay's hair, and Jay groaned, fighting with him to ruin his hairstyle too. Jake slid his arm around your shoulder and Sunghoon turned his back towards where Jay and Heeseung were fighting and leaned against the railing, you sighed, relaxing under Jake's hold, "you still love us though." Jay's eyes found you, before they landed on the other boys, he watched all of you look at him with expectant eyes, waiting for him to say something in retaliation, but deep down they knew Jay would never disagree with you so with a frustrated groan he mumbled, "unfortunately, I do."

[burr-ell]

In regards to how unfitting Vax just getting rolled back into mortality was to the overall narrative he had in C1.... I recognize that it's not great to put too much weight into fanfiction letting it determine how I feel about canon story, but the thing about how Vax's return is framed as Keyleth and Vex's Only happy ending, is that I read a lot of satisfying, sweet, touchingly real fanfic where all of Vox Machina eventually pass on to meet Vax as he psychopomps them to the afterlife! It carried a very comforting and resonant sentiment to be able to believe "this person is gone, but in a world where an afterlife is tangibly proven and real, you WILL see him again" and this carrying its own happiness! So for this to be overwritten YEARS later is just.... a denial of that.

Vax's return also just doesn't gel with the other narratives about death in the CR universe. Mollymawk, as loved as he was, doesn't get to come back; Orym doesn't get Will and Derrig back; FCG doesn't get to come back, but the story keeps on going for the people who loved them. What does it say in the face of those losses for Vax to come back?

Deanna WAS brought back, and while it'd be cruel to argue she should have stayed dead and imply that her newfound life wasn't worth the value to the people she made bonds with after her ressurection, it clearly fucked her up to be effectively a pawn to someone else's idea of fixing their life! It doesn't inherently beget a happy ending! What does it say when Vax's clear choice and faith in his championhood is overruled?

Absolutely agreed on all points, anon, and I think it's telling that Matt, Marisha, and Liam agreed on this with full knowledge and understanding that Vax and Keyleth had been making unhealthy choices. The implication is that despite this, none of them could envision a truly happy ending for these characters that did not involve them being able to continue a romance, and there are two problems with this.

Firstly and most obviously, wildly allocentric to imply that Keyleth could not have a properly happy ending without her college boyfriend who died three decades ago. To give context, thirty years is almost as long as Marisha Ray has been alive. Thirty years ago was the Oklahoma city bombing and the O.J. Simpson trial. Thirty years ago is older than 9/11 and the Iraq War. Thirty years is a long time, and I can't see Keyleth still being just as angry as she was at the end of C1 as anything but a person refusing to stop being mired in grief and move on. She even acknowledges it herself in Dalen's Closet, that she can't move on if Vax keeps sending ravens and then she still asks him not to stop. And to be clear, that in and of itself is a fine and even interesting choice! Rewarding that because the alternative is "unfair", for a rather nebulous value of "unfair", is not. It's not a happy ending to grow past unhealthy attachment and wallowing in grief, but it is happy to completely overlook those behaviors for a romance and some hackneyed callbacks to the ending of a better story?

Secondly, we don't even need to look at Molly, Will, or Deanna, although those are very good examples. Elaina is still dead. Juniper is still dead. Frederick, Johanna, Julius, Vesper, Oliver, Whitney, and Ludwig are all still dead. Every member of Vox Machina, including Keyleth herself, is eventually going to die. There's something that feels almost pointed about Taliesin emphasizing in 3x121 that Percy is still going to die decades before Vex, and we know Pike and Scanlan will outlive Grog by centuries. What, exactly, is different about their deaths versus Vax's? If Vax hadn't taken the revenant deal, he would have just died immediately—he was disintegrated. Liam made a point, over and over, both in the campaign and on Talks, of saying that Vax did not want a way out of his deal. What, in the in-universe logic of this setting, makes Vax so special, as opposed to every other person Vox Machina knew and loved who died or will die and isn't going to come back?

When I've had time, I've been reading through Vox Machina: Stories Untold, and something stuck out to me in the post-C1 content. Keyleth has taken on a young apprentice, an Ashari druid named Audra. We don't see much of their actual relationship, but it's close enough that Keyleth brings Audra along to Whitestone while she and the others have a night out, and Audra is friends with Vesper, Juniper, and Wax. In other words, Keyleth still invested herself in the community she was leading and kept in touch with her friends. She had a rich, fulfilling life that did not have to involve Vax in any way. Exandria did not stop turning because one person died; it kept moving, and Vox Machina kept moving. That is a vastly superior and more meaningful story than the ending of Campaign 3, and I find it absurd to imply that this ending can't truly be happy if this character doesn't have her boyfriend.

[xlucygraysongbirdx]

neil post aftg and his trauma and movie night with the foxes

the foxes settle down for their regular movie night, arguing over whose turn it was to pick the movie this time (it's Nicky's, everyone hates Nicky's choices), when neil walks in late. everyone except andrew asks where he's been, though andrew knew he was feeling restless and went for a longer run than usual. he'd been having a bad week, not sleeping, having panic attacks, and it was wearing down on him, he'd hoped a longer run would wear him out enough to sleep tonight, but look in his eyes told andrew that it hadn't worked.

neil waved the foxes off and settled down next to andrew, handing over the pint of ice cream he'd got for him. andrew in turn shares his blanket with him, throwing it over neil's legs once he's settled and allows their thighs and arms to touch, allowing neil to lean on him in the way that he needs when things get too heavy.

the foxes finally relent and allow nicky to choose the movie, and he picks out a horror movie because "it's Halloween" "in 4 weeks nicky" "it's never too early to celebrate Halloween". the movie goes on and the foxes settle, the only noises coming from those who react to the scary parts.

andrew was only half watching the movie, and mostly watching neil. his eyes were fixated on the screen and his anxious energy had dissipated. andrew had learned a lot of things about neil since they met, but his most recent discovery is that he shouldn't be worried about neil when his energy drives him on longer than usual runs, he should be worried when he's completely still.

and right now, neil wasn't moving at all.

andrew reached around the back of neil and flicked matt hard on the side of his head. matt was about to protest loudly until he caught sight of andrew. andrew gestured a cutting motion, pointed at the tv and then at neil. it took him half a second to get it, but he looked at neil and saw exactly what andrew meant. the movie was triggering him, and matt had learned like andrew that a still neil was not good.

with his hand back underneath the blanket, andrew blindly searched for neil's and tapped twice on the top of his hand, "yes," the tapping meant. he didn't expect a reply, but neil, despite his gaze firmly on the TV (looking through it rather than at it), neil tapped twice back on andrews hand, "yes." neil turned his hand over and andrew interlocked their fingers and gave it a gentle squeeze.

matt leaned over dan, who had been sitting in front of him between his legs, and grabbed the tv remote. "alright, this is boring," he said nonchalantly as he tapped buttons to eject the dvd. the foxes groaned and protested at him, nicky being particularly loud. andrew notices dan turn to protest, but her eyes lock on neil's still frame and andrew sees the understanding settle in her eyes.

"agreed," dan said. "nicky's banned from choosing movies, let's watch something else."

"it was getting good!" nicky protested, so matt threw a pillow at his face.

"put him on the bench too," matt said, "awful movie choices don't deserve court time."

next to andrew, neil snorted. andrew didn't think he was listening, but he finally tore his gaze from the now blank tv to acknowledge the argument brewing between dan, matt and nicky. kevin chimed up at that point, a cutting remark about how they'd all be better if they didn't waste time on movie nights and the foxes booed him collectively, multiple pillows ending up in his face. andrew could only watch as the stillness slowly left neil's body, as tiny elements of amusement crossed his features, as he settled back to andrew's side instead of sitting stiffly forward.

"let renee choose," andrew said, the only words that had come out of his mouth. matt sent him a disapproving look. renee was banned from movie choices too. but andrew knew that whatever she picked would be lighthearted enough not to trigger that stillness again. and no one argued with andrew and renee's bright smile was telling enough that she understood the assignment, and no one protested when she chose a musical movie that too many of the foxes shamefully knew the lyrics too.

[lila-lou]

✨Nanny Call - Pt. 2/2✨

Summary: You weren’t expecting much when Jared Padalecki called. And definitely not to end up living with Jensen Ackles and his three chaos-loving kids. But now you’re in deeper than you planned, balancing bedtime battles and forbidden tension with a man you were never supposed to want.

-requested-

Pairing: Jensen x Reader

Warnings: 18+ only! Smut, Language

Word Count: 8523

DISCLAIMER: Everything is purely fiction. I do not intend to attack or hurt anyone. The story is, of course, entirely made up and meant for entertainment purposes. I love them all.

The set was cold. Not physically, the crew had heaters rigged behind the trailers, coffee stations going, and Jensen had been wearing flannel for three scenes in a row. But the air felt colder around him. Sharper. Like he was carrying a storm in his chest that no one else could see.

They were shooting another night scene, deep in the woods outside Vancouver. Fog machines working overtime. Jared walking beside him through fake graveyard mist, their boots crunching leaves underfoot as they reset for take twenty-something.

It was supposed to be easy. Two lines. Walk. Look brooding. Cut. But Jensen missed his cue. Again.

“Dude”, Jared muttered, stepping out of frame. “You good?”.

“I said I’m fine”, Jensen snapped, louder than necessary, voice sharp enough to make a nearby crew member flinch.

Jared raised both brows, eyes narrowing. “Okay… damn”.

The director called for a quick reset, giving them a few minutes to cool off. Jensen turned away, muttering under his breath and rubbing the back of his neck.

Jared stepped up beside him slowly. “You sure you’re not gonna hit me with a shovel mid-take?”.

Jensen didn’t answer.

That’s when Jared gave him that look, the one that had seen him through fifteen years of fake blood and real breakdowns. He crossed his arms and leaned in just enough.

“What the hell is going on with you, man?”.

Jensen exhaled through his nose, jaw tight. “Nothing. I’m just tired”.

“Nope”, Jared said, casually popping a piece of gum into his mouth. “You’re always tired. But you’re never snappy. Not like that. You just bit my damn head off because you missed your line”.

“I said I’m fine”.

“You also said you didn’t need a babysitter and now look at you”, Jared muttered.

That got a flicker of a reaction, Jensen’s mouth twitched, almost a smile, almost a curse.

Jared tilted his head. “Is this about the kids?”.

Jensen shook his head.

“Is it about her?”.

There was a pause—too long. Too telling.

Jared’s eyebrows shot up. “Oh shit. It is”.

Jensen rolled his eyes, turning away like that might hide the truth sitting in his clenched jaw and the tension in his shoulders. “Drop it, Jared”.

“You drop it. Or better yet, get laid and then drop it”.

“Geez”, Jensen muttered.

“I’m just saying”, Jared said, grinning now, “if you’re gonna walk around like someone stole your last bottle of whiskey, you better at least have a good reason for it. Like being inappropriately into your babysitter”.

Jensen’s glare was sharp, dangerous.

Jared took a step back, hands up in mock surrender. “Dude. Dude. You did”.

“Nothing happened”, Jensen growled, low.

Jared smirked. “But you wanted it to”.

Jensen didn’t answer. He didn’t need to. Because it was written all over him—in his tired eyes, his distracted tension, the way he’d fumbled every single scene tonight.

Jared watched Jensen with a little too much amusement now, chewing his gum slowly, brows arched high. “Huh. Didn’t know you were into younger girls”.

Jensen’s head snapped toward him so fast it was almost comedic. “Shut up”, he muttered under his breath, glancing around quickly to make sure no one was close enough to hear. He took a step closer, voice low and sharp. “You say that any louder, and I swear I’ll punch you in the throat”.

Jared only grinned wider. “What? I’m not judging. I just didn’t know that was your type. Cute, young, smart—kinda mouthy? Yeah, okay, that tracks now that I say it out loud”.

Jensen scrubbed a hand over his face, groaning. “Jared…”.

“I’m just saying”, Jared continued, relentless now, “I thought you were all grown-up and broody, but deep down you’ve got a soft spot for someone who gives you hell and still makes dinosaur pancakes with the twins”.

“Would you shut up”, Jensen hissed, voice low but almost laughing now despite himself.

“Dude, you’re so into her”.

“I’m not—”, Jensen started, then stopped himself mid-sentence, jaw clenched so tight it looked like it hurt. He ran a hand through his hair, sighed, and muttered, “It’s just about sex”.

Jared blinked. “Seriously?”.

Jensen didn’t meet his eyes. “Yeah”.

Jared crossed his arms, giving him the kind of slow, skeptical stare only a best friend could get away with. “So you’re walking around like someone kicked your puppy, snapping at me of all people, because of a casual hookup?”.

Jensen’s silence was answer enough.

Jared let out a low whistle. “Man, you really suck at lying”.

“I’m not lying”, Jensen grumbled, grabbing a bottle of water from the nearby crew table and twisting the cap too hard.

“Then say it again”, Jared challenged.

Jensen turned toward him, brow raised.

“Say it”, Jared repeated. “Say it’s just about sex, and mean it”.

Jensen hesitated, then said, slower this time, like he was trying to convince himself, “It’s just about sex”.

Jared stared at him for a long second. And then—because he’s Jared—he burst out laughing.

Jensen scowled. “What?”.

“Dude”, Jared chuckled, shaking his head. “You’re so full of shit”.

“I’m not”.

“Yes, you are”, Jared said, grinning now like a kid who just poked a sleeping bear and knew he’d get away with it. “You’re so full of it, man, it’s impressive. Might want to audition for your own damn show”.

Jensen groaned and dragged a hand down his face. "I hate you”.

“Nah, you don’t. You love me”.

“I really don’t right now”, Jensen muttered.

Jared was still watching him, unbothered, practically bouncing in place.

And finally, Jensen cracked.

“I wanna see you”, he hissed under his breath, “after not having sex for months, dealing with night shoots and school drop-offs, and then there’s a babysitter in her prime walking around your house in those fucking teeny tiny sleep shorts all the time like it’s nothing”.

Jared blinked once. Then grinned so wide it was unbearable. “There it is”.

Jensen threw the water bottle at his chest. Jared caught it with one hand and just kept smiling. “Knew there was a breakdown coming. Knew it”.

“You think this is funny?”, Jensen said, half-laughing, half-miserable, pacing now. “It’s not funny. It’s a nightmare. She’s sweet and smart and the kids love her, and she looks at me like I’m still worth something on days I don’t even recognize myself, and I’m this close—”, he held up two fingers “—to saying screw it and ruining every line I told myself I wouldn’t cross”.

Jensen dragged a hand through his hair again, pacing like the ground wouldn’t stop moving under his feet.

“I’ve already kissed her”, he muttered. “I’ve already—”. He stopped, realizing too late where he was headed, but the words were out there now, hanging thick in the air.

Jared’s eyebrows shot up. “Already what?”.

Jensen hesitated, then muttered, “Nothing”.

“No, no, no. You don’t get to stop there”. Jared took a step forward, his grin fading now. “Already what, Ackles?”.

Jensen’s jaw tightened, eyes narrowing at the ground. “If Zeppelin hadn’t woken up the other night…”. He stopped again, pressing his fingers to his eyes like maybe that would erase the memory. It didn’t. “…I would’ve fucked her,” he finished, voice low and raw.

Silence fell hard between them.

Even Jared looked stunned for half a beat, because Jensen didn’t talk like that unless he meant every word. And this wasn’t bravado. It wasn’t just frustration. It was need. Desperate, aching, unspoken need and maybe something even heavier than that.

“Shit”, Jared muttered finally.

Jensen let out a bitter laugh. “Yeah. Shit”.

“You didn’t though”, Jared said slowly, like he was working through the facts in real time. “You stopped. You could’ve, but you didn’t”.

“I didn’t because my kid slammed his door and reminded me what the fuck reality is”.

“But you did stop”, Jared repeated. “You still had a choice, and you made the… right one”.

Jensen didn’t answer. Because the truth was… he didn’t know if he would’ve stopped. Not if the door hadn’t slammed. Not if Zeppelin hadn’t needed him. And that thought scared the hell out of him. Because it wasn’t just about crossing a line anymore. It was about how badly he wanted to.

-

It had been days since that night. Days since that kiss. Since his hand was down your panties and his body was pressed against yours and everything inside you had screamed yes, only for a slammed door and a sleepy child to bring it all crashing back down.

He hadn’t come home before you went to bed since. And you hadn’t stayed up waiting.

But tonight… you couldn’t sleep.

You weren’t sure if it was the full moon spilling light across your room or the fact that Arrow had asked you—very seriously—if you were going to marry her dad one day and then walked off with a juice box like she hadn’t just sent your heart into orbit. Or maybe it was just the silence. The quiet ache of almost.

Whatever the reason, you were curled up on the couch with a blanket and a half-watched movie when the front door creaked open close to midnight.

You turned your head slowly, heart lurching when you heard his boots thunk onto the mat and the soft sigh he always let out when he stepped inside like the house had just exhaled too.

You didn’t say anything. Not at first. Neither did he.

He stepped around the corner, still in his dark jeans and flannel from set, hair tousled, face drawn. Tired didn’t even begin to cover it. But the second his eyes landed on you—really saw you—everything in him seemed to lock up.

You straightened slightly on the couch, pulling the blanket closer, not to cover up, just to do something with your hands.

He stepped further into the room, slower this time. “I thought you’d be asleep”, he said quietly.

“I was”, you said. “Then I wasn’t”.

He gave a faint nod, hands on his hips now. You could tell he didn’t know what to do with them. Didn’t know what to do with any of this. Neither did you.

“Long shoot?”, you asked, trying to keep your voice neutral.

“Yeah”, he said. “Fog machines, graveyards. Jared being a pain in the ass”.

You nodded once. “Sounds about right”.

Silence again. But this time, it wasn’t awkward. It was heavy. Thick with everything unspoken between you. He rubbed the back of his neck, then finally took a few steps toward you, standing in front of the couch, looking down like he wasn’t sure if he should sit or walk away.

You tilted your head, watching him. “You’ve been avoiding me”.

“I haven’t”, he said automatically.

You raised a brow.

He exhaled through his nose. “Okay. I have”.

“Why?”.

Jensen looked at you then, really looked, and his voice came out low. Hoarse. “Because if I got within ten feet of you again, I wasn’t sure I could pretend like I didn’t want to pick up where we left off”.

Your breath hitched.

He ran a hand through his hair. “And I’m still not”.

You didn’t say anything right away. Just set your mug down, stood up slowly, the blanket falling away from your lap.

He didn’t move, even as you stepped closer. Now you were the one within ten feet. You could feel it again—the pull, the ache, the weight of everything you hadn’t touched.

And then you whispered, “Then don’t pretend”.

Jensen’s eyes stayed on you, but his body didn’t move. He looked like he was caught between every instinct he had, one hand twitching slightly at his side, like he wanted to reach for you, and the other holding him back.

He sighed, low and rough, then shook his head, just once. “I can’t”.

You didn’t move. You just looked at him, steady. Waiting.

“I shouldn’t”, he added, quieter now. “You’re too young. I’m—this—”, he gestured vaguely between you, his voice catching, “it’s not fair to you”.

Your lips parted, a quiet breath escaping, and for a moment you weren’t sure if you were hurt or just tired of hearing it. Of being treated like something delicate when you’d been holding this house—and his kids—together for weeks.

“I’m not a kid”, you said, your voice firm but soft. “I know what I want”.

Jensen looked at you then, really looked, like the weight of your words finally hit him.

“I’m not just some college girl with a crush on her boss”, you continued. “I’ve been here. I’ve lived this life with you. I’ve wiped noses and calmed nightmares and made grilled cheese dinners when you were too exhausted to stand. I didn’t sign up for easy. But I sure as hell didn’t sign up to be looked through like I don’t know what this is”.

He flinched, guilt flashing through his expression like lightning. You didn’t stop.

“I want you. Even when it’s inconvenient. Even when it’s complicated. So if you’re pushing me away because you’re scared, fine. Say that. But don’t talk to me like I don’t know what I’m doing just because I wasn’t born in your decade”.

That hit him hard. You could see it. His mouth parted like he wanted to respond, but nothing came out right away. His chest rose and fell, and his jaw flexed, trying to hold something back.

And then, finally, quietly: “You can’t fall in love with me”, Jensen said.

It wasn’t a warning. It was a whisper. A crack in his voice that sounded too much like someone who’d been there before and didn’t survive it intact.

You blinked, stunned for a breath.

“That’s what this has to be”, he went on, not quite looking at you now. “Just sex. Nothing else. No promises. No long looks over coffee. No bedtime routines with all five of us like it’s already a thing. It can’t be a thing. Not for you. Not with me”.

He finally looked at you and God, his eyes looked tired. Not just from night shoots. But from trying to hold the weight of his whole damn world without letting anyone share it.

You studied him for a second, then cracked a slow smile. “Wow”.

He blinked. “What?”.

“You’re really out here giving yourself a preemptive breakup speech and we haven’t even had sex yet?”.

The flicker of surprise in his face was immediate. Then—reluctantly—a laugh. A low, breathy sound that cracked through the tension like light through storm clouds.

“You’re a pain in my ass”, he said, but the corner of his mouth was curving now.

You stepped a little closer, toe to toe with him. “You don’t have to worry about me falling in love with you”.

His face fell just a fraction.

You softened. “At least not tonight”, you added gently.

Jensen’s throat worked as he swallowed, his voice quieter again. “So this is what you want?”.

You looked him straight in the eye, not flinching. “I want you. No strings, no promises, no pretending. But yeah… I want you”.

That was all it took. One breath. One beat.

Then he was kissing you. There was no hesitation now, no guilt clouding his hands as they slid around your waist and pulled you firmly against him.

His hands found your waist with more urgency now, strong but not rushed, like he’d been holding this back too long and didn’t trust himself to stop again. You gasped into his mouth as he pulled you closer, your bodies colliding, mouths still tangled.

Then suddenly, without breaking the kiss, he gripped your thighs and lifted you, your legs wrapping around his hips on instinct.

You laughed softly against his lips. “Jensen—”.

“Don’t”, he murmured, voice rough and low. “Don’t say anything. Just—just let me”.

His steps were slow and uneven as he carried you toward the couch. You felt it in the way his grip faltered slightly. In the way his breath caught when he shifted your weight and his body jolted from some unseen pain.

The moment he eased down onto the cushions with you still straddling him, he let out a deep groan, not from pleasure. From pain. His head tipped back against the couch cushion, eyes shutting tightly as he exhaled through gritted teeth.

You stayed still on his lap, hands planted lightly on his chest, your breath slowing to match his. “Back?”, you asked quietly, concern threading your voice.

He nodded, jaw tight. “Yeah. Pulled something during a reset. Took the hit wrong. And I didn’t say anything because I thought I could muscle through it”.

You exhaled softly, brushing a hand along his jaw. “And then you tried to carry me across the house”.

Jensen huffed a soft laugh, though it came out more like a grunt. “Yeah, well… I’m not great at knowing when to sit the hell down”.

You smiled as your fingers toyed with the hem of your sleep shirt. “Clearly. You tried to play hero with a pulled back”.

“I am a hero”, he shot back, already working one-handed at his belt, wincing slightly when he moved wrong.

“Uh-huh”. You leaned in closer, your voice a low tease against his ear. “You’re the only man I know who can save the world by day and pull a muscle trying to get laid by night”.

He let out a soft laugh—richer this time—and his hands stilled briefly on the buckle. “Wow. Nothing like being mocked mid-undressing to boost a guy’s confidence”.

“You’ll survive”, you murmured, lifting your shirt slowly, teasingly, just enough to feel the heat of his hands find your skin again.

He was watching you now, gaze hungry but still laced with something softer. Real. Like he was committing every second to memory without meaning to.

“Shit, you’re…”. He stopped himself, then just shook his head, smiling like the rest of the sentence didn’t matter.

You tilted your head. “I’m what, Jensen?”.

He raised a brow, voice low and warm. “Dangerous”.

You laughed, one hand moving to rest gently over the fading bruise on his side. “You should see me with coffee. This is nothing”.

He groaned quietly—half arousal, half agony—as you leaned forward and brushed a kiss just above the waistband of his jeans, right where his fingers were fumbling with the belt again.

But still, it wasn’t frantic. It wasn’t about rushing or taking.

It was two people teasing away the fear, using touch and quiet laughter to bridge the space they’d both been afraid to cross.

And by the time the belt slid free and your shirt hit the floor, it was no longer about who started what.

It was just about finally being there, with each other, in it, without excuses.

You were in nothing but your underwear now, perched between his knees on the floor, your fingers brushing lightly against his thighs as you looked up at him. His eyes were dark, jaw clenched, not from anger, but restraint. Holding himself back had become second nature. Until you.

Your hands moved to zipper. “You’re tense”, you said softly, teasing, almost innocent. “Should I be worried?”.

He let out a low laugh, shaking his head. “Yeah. That I might not make it off this couch alive”.

You smirked and unfastening the button of his jeans, your touch light but confident. “What a way to go”.

He leaned forward slightly, his hand brushing the side of your neck, his thumb grazing your jaw like he needed to remind himself you were real. His voice came out rough and uneven. “You’re seriously going to be the death of me”.

You tilted your chin, kissing the inside of his wrist. “Then stop fighting it”.

He didn’t. Not anymore.

His hand slipped into your hair as you eased his jeans down just enough, your fingertips skimming bare skin, and for a few seconds the room was nothing but heavy breath, a shared heartbeat, and the weight of want that had been building for far too long.

Your breath was warm against his skin as you leaned in closer, placing slow, teasing kisses along the sharp line of his hip.

Jensen’s hand tightened slightly in your hair, his other gripping the couch cushion like it was the only thing anchoring him. His body tensed beneath your mouth, a sharp inhale betraying how much control it took not to lose himself right then and there.

When you kissed just below his waistband, deliberately slow, you felt it, the way his hips shifted, the involuntary jolt of tension pulsing through him. His need was obvious, pressed against your collarbone, and you smiled softly against his skin, your lips brushing there just long enough to make him groan low in his throat.

“Shit…”, he muttered, voice ragged, head falling back against the couch. “You don’t play fair”.

You looked up at him from beneath your lashes, a soft grin playing at your lips. “You never asked for fair”.

You dipped your head lower, and the instant your lips brushed against him, Jensen’s grip in your hair tightened. His breath hitched, his fingers threading through your hair as he steadied himself on the couch. You let the warmth of your mouth rest there just long enough for him to tremble, feeling the rapid pulse under your tongue.

He groaned softly, one hand bracing against the cushion as his other held your hair, guiding you with a light insistence. When you lifted your head back up, his eyes were dark and glazed, half-lidded with need.

You smiled up at him, the glint in your eyes teasing and confident. Slowly, you let your lips close around him, the heat of your breath mingling with the tension that had been building between you for weeks. Your touch was deliberate, your movements confident.

Jensen’s grip on your hair tightened just a bit, his breath catching in a rough inhale. His head fell back against the cushions, eyes fluttering closed for a moment as he struggled to hold himself together.

You felt the subtle shudder that ran through him—the moment he nearly lost control—and it only made your grin widen. There was a power in knowing you could unravel him like this, even when he tried so hard to keep it together.

But before you could push him any further, Jensen’s control snapped. He tugged you up from your knees, his hands strong but gentle as he guided you swiftly back into his lap.

Your breath hitched at the suddenness, and then again as his hands roamed your body with heated urgency, exploring every curve, gripping your hips as he pulled you flush against him.

His breathing was ragged, almost desperate, his mouth finding yours again as your swollen lips met. The kiss was deep, rough, and filled with every unspoken thing you'd both been carrying for far too long.

With a soft groan, you reached down between your bodies, your fingers trembling slightly as you pushed your panties aside. Jensen's eyes found yours, dark and intense, as you hovered above him, the tension between you like a storm ready to break.

“You sure?”, he rasped softly, a final check-in, his voice strained, full of care beneath the urgency.

You met his gaze with unwavering clarity, nodding slowly. “I’ve never been more sure”.

Jensen shifted slightly, his jeans still tangled around his knees as he reached into his pocket with a steady hand. He pulled out a condom, his movements practiced and sure, yet there was a rawness in the way he looked at you as he prepared himself.

You watched him, eyes locked on every motion, hypnotized by the quiet ritual, the mix of vulnerability and strength in the way he handled it. It was a small moment of care in the midst of all the fire between you, and somehow that made it feel even more real.

He glanced up, catching your gaze, and there was a softness there, an unspoken promise wrapped in the heat and the urgency.

You settled back onto his lap, the air thick with heat and the weight of what was about to happen.

Your eyes flicked to his, then down, then back again. You bit your lip—just lightly—but it was enough. Enough for Jensen to see the flicker of hesitation in your face. The slight tug of nerves that hadn’t been there earlier, when you’d been in control. When you’d been teasing and bold.

Now, this close, this real, it hit a little differently.

You weren’t a stranger to intimacy. But this was him. Jensen. The older, experienced, impossibly steady man who held your body like he already knew every part of it. And suddenly, you were aware of every inch of your skin and every breath you took.

He didn’t move. Just let his eyes drink you in, every shift of your thighs, every flicker of doubt behind your lashes, and something low and warm curled in his chest.

Because damn… that hesitation? That edge of insecurity? It was hot. Not because you didn’t know what you were doing. But because you trusted him enough to let that guard down. Because even when you weren’t sure, you didn’t run. You just let yourself feel.

And Jensen wanted to let you feel everything.

“You okay?”, he asked quietly, his voice low but soft, like the question wasn’t just about your body, it was about all of it.

You nodded, then added a soft, breathy, “Yeah… just… you’re…”.

He smirked slowly. “Big?”

You gave him a look.

He leaned in just close enough that his lips nearly brushed yours. “More experienced?”.

Your cheeks flushed, but you nodded once, silent.

Jensen’s hands ran up your thighs, steady and slow, and he tilted his head, that signature smirk forming, the one that warned you when he was about to be a menace.

“Oh”, he murmured, dragging his mouth along the edge of your jaw. “So you’re telling me I get to watch you figure me out in real time?”.

You swallowed hard, and that reaction alone made him chuckle.

“Damn”, he muttered, half to himself. “You have no idea how much I like that”.

You arched slightly, your breath catching when he shifted his hips just enough to tease the friction between you, his hands firm on your waist to keep you there, hovering.

“Go slow”, he said, voice thick with restraint, eyes holding yours like a lifeline. “Take your time. Learn me however you want. I’m not going anywhere”.

And with that, he leaned back into the cushions, giving you space, but not control. Because even while letting you lead, he was still in charge of every reaction. Every flick of pleasure. Every sharp breath.

And he knew it. Which made it so much worse. And better. And hotter.

That smirk of his should’ve been illegal.

Especially paired with the way he leaned back, hands splayed on your thighs like he was content to let you do whatever you wanted to him.

And it flipped something inside you.

Whatever flicker of doubt you’d felt a minute ago was suddenly drowned out by the realization: he wanted you just as much. Maybe more.

His eyes were locked on yours, and you saw it there, need. Thick and restless, curling just under the surface of that usual self-control. His breathing was shallow now, mouth parted slightly, waiting. Watching.

And just like that, the nerves melted.

You moved slowly at first, your hands bracing on his chest, fingers grazing the muscle there, then dragging down with enough pressure to make him grunt softly. You rolled your hips once, testing the friction between you, and Jensen’s head dropped back for half a second before his eyes found you again, darker now.

“Getting brave, huh?”, he murmured, a hint of gravel in his voice.

You leaned forward, mouth brushing his ear, your voice low. “You said take my time. Don’t rush me”.

He huffed out a breath, half-laugh, half-groan. “I swear, you’re gonna be the end of me”.

You rocked forward again, deliberately slow, pressing down until you felt him fully beneath you, hot, hard, and twitching with anticipation. The groan he let out was everything.

“You like this?”, you whispered, tilting your hips just enough to make him tighten his grip on your thighs again.

His answer was a low, ragged “Fuck yes”, as his hands slid up your sides, dragging over your ribs, not quite touching your chest but so close it made your skin tighten in anticipation.

Your fingers curled around his shoulders as you shifted, rising just enough to guide him beneath you. Jensen’s hands gripped your hips, eyes locked on yours, still giving you that space to move how you needed, but barely holding it together.

The second you positioned him and began to sink down, his breath caught. His fingers tightened, not stopping you, just anchoring. His eyes fluttered shut for a second, jaw clenched, a deep groan rumbling low in his throat like it had been trapped there for weeks.

Your own breath stuttered as you took him in, slowly, completely. It was more than just the physical. It was everything.

Every glance. Every tension-filled silence. Every moment you’d passed in the kitchen pretending not to feel this fire simmering beneath the surface.

Now it was just… real.

You paused for a second, fully seated, your hands splayed on his chest as you both caught your breath. Jensen opened his eyes again, heavy-lidded, dark, but so present. His hands moved gently along your back, grounding you.

“You okay?”, he asked, voice hoarse, thumb brushing your hip.

You nodded, lips parted, heart racing. “More than”.

And then you began to move. Slow, at first. Testing. Feeling.

And Jensen… let go. His head dropped to your shoulder, his mouth finding your neck as he whispered your name like it meant more now. Like it mattered.

Jensen’s breath warmed against your neck, each exhale ragged, like he was trying to steady himself… and failing.

He’d meant to let you lead. To keep his hands light. To let this be what you wanted—what you needed. But the second your hips moved again, slow, grinding down with just enough pressure, he let out a sound that shook straight through you. Low. Raw. Real.

It wasn’t just sex.

It wasn’t supposed to be more, but it felt like more. Like his body was made to match yours. Like you fit against him in all the places he didn’t realize he was missing something.

His fingers pressed into your hips, holding but not guiding. You could feel the restraint in every muscle, like he was constantly reminding himself: let her stay in control.

But you weren’t just leading anymore. You were learning him. The way his breath hitched when you moved your hips just right, how his grip tightened when you rolled slow instead of fast, how his mouth trailed up your shoulder like he needed to ground himself in your skin.

And beneath it all, his quiet surrender.

He wasn’t used to giving up control. You could feel it in every shiver he didn’t mean to show you. Every broken groan muffled against your collarbone. But he was doing it. For you.

Because he wanted you.

“Shit, you feel…”, he muttered against your throat, but didn’t finish the sentence, like the words couldn’t keep up with the way you moved on him.

You didn’t stop. You couldn’t.

Every grind of your hips drew out another low sound from Jensen’s chest, the kind of sound that made you feel claimed without ever being touched too hard.

He wasn’t rushing you. But his hands trembled where they held your hips, his jaw clenched like it took everything in him not to thrust up and take over.

And that restraint? It made you burn hotter.

You leaned in close, your mouth ghosting over his, teasing him with a kiss that never fully landed. “Still trying to be good?”.

Jensen’s breath caught, and his eyes darkened as they flicked between your lips and your eyes. “You have no idea how badly I want to flip you over right now”.

You smiled, slow and wicked. “Then why don’t you?”.

His fingers flexed.

You pressed down again, harder this time, and he groaned, deep, broken, his body arching beneath yours.

That last move was all it took.

In an instant, Jensen’s control shattered. His hands tightened around your waist, and with a swift, powerful motion, he flipped you onto your back. The world spun and blurred for half a second, your breath catching sharply as your shoulders met the cushions beneath you.

He hovered above you now. His body caging you in, eyes blazing with hunger, restraint gone and replaced with raw intensity. Your heart raced, adrenaline spiking through your veins as you stared up at him, eyes wide, lips parted.

“You wanted this”, he growled softly, voice rough, low, utterly controlled even as his body trembled above yours. “Now you’ve got it”.

Jensen’s mouth found yours, claiming you fiercely, his kiss deeper now, demanding but still reverent, matching each urgent thrust of his hips. His hands traced the curves of your body with practiced ease, gripping your thighs, pulling you tighter against him. He moved with the kind of certainty that left no room for hesitation, no doubt that you were exactly where he wanted you to be.

Your bodies aligned seamlessly, each movement fierce but perfectly synchronized. The heat, the friction, the rhythm—everything blurred together until all you could feel was him. His chest pressed against yours, his breath hot on your skin, each whisper of your name tangled up in desire and something softer, something unspoken.

This was beyond anything either of you had expected. It was passionate. It was powerful. And it was dangerously close to more than either of you were ready to admit.

Yet neither of you could stop.

Your hands gripped his back as he moved above you. He was strong, practiced, but it wasn’t mechanical. Jensen didn’t just know what he was doing… he knew what you needed.

His body moved with purpose, with rhythm, like he’d memorized every way you liked to be touched in just one night. His lips found your collarbone, your jaw, the corner of your mouth, each kiss slower than the last, burning the truth of this into your skin.

“You feel so good”, he muttered, voice low and rough, right against your mouth. “So damn perfect”.

You gasped, nails digging into his shoulder blades. “Jensen…”.

He lifted his head, eyes meeting yours, dark and locked in, but so present. “I know”, he whispered. “I know. I’ve got you”.

Your legs wrapped tighter around him. Your hips rose to meet every movement of his, and each time, he adjusted, slower, deeper, more intimate. He wasn’t chasing release. He was chasing the unraveling of both of you. Together.

“You’re not gonna forget this, are you?”, he whispered hoarsely, his lips brushing your cheek as he thrust in again, slower now, holding himself there.

“No”, you breathed, nearly broken. “Never”.

His mouth landed on yours again, open and desperate, swallowing every sound you made as the tension in your body tightened and twisted into something unbearable. You felt yourself spiraling, trembling under his touch, and he felt it too.

“Let go for me”, he whispered, forehead pressed against yours now. “Come on, sweetheart. You can do that”.

And somehow, with him saying it like that—soft and certain and nothing like the one-night lines you’d ever known—you did.

You came apart with him still inside you, still watching you, still holding your hand.

He followed—hard, breath ragged and voice cracking your name against your neck, like you were something sacred and untouchable, even as he held you like he never wanted to let go.

The room was quiet now. Just the low hum of the heater, the soft rustle of breath still evening out. Jensen was still above you, his forehead resting lightly against yours, both of you suspended in that strange space where everything had just changed—but neither of you knew how to name it.

No one spoke. There were no clever remarks. No teasing. Just the warmth of his body, the lingering rhythm of two heartbeats struggling to slow down.

Eventually, Jensen pulled back, eyes searching yours like maybe he’d find a way to undo how real that had just been. But he didn’t say anything. He just reached for the blanket on the back of the couch and draped it gently over your legs like it was second nature.

You sat up slowly, hair a mess, lips swollen, skin humming everywhere.

And silently—without needing to ask—both of you began pulling your clothes back into place. Jensen tugged his jeans up around his hips, breathing heavy still. You adjusted your sleep shirt, pushed your hair back, glanced at him once without fully meeting his eyes.

Still, nothing was said. There was a quiet kind of understanding in the space between you, like speaking would only make it harder to carry whatever this now was.

Then, just as you reached for your blanket again, footsteps creaked softly upstairs. And a sleepy voice broke through the silence.

“…Y/N?”.

Zeppelin.

You both froze.

“…Y/N?”, he called again, a little louder, confused and half-asleep.

You started to stand, instinctively, but Jensen’s hand reached out and caught your wrist, gently. “I got it”, he murmured, voice gravelly and low.

Your eyes met his again—just for a second—and something in his expression stopped you. Not guilt. Not regret. Just quiet… knowing.

“Okay”, you whispered.

He stood, shoulders stiff like the weight of what just happened was already sinking in, but there was no panic. No rushing. Just… care. He gave you one more glance over his shoulder before disappearing quietly up the stairs.

And you sat back down on the couch—bare legs curled under the blanket, breath still uneven—wondering what the hell was going to happen next.

Because whatever this had been… It wasn’t just sex.

-

Another week passed. And Jensen did everything he could to avoid you.

He wasn’t cold, exactly—just busy, distracted, always one step out the door before you could ask him anything that would require a real answer. Mornings were fast. Nights were later. And when he was home, he stayed upstairs more often than not, claiming scripts or edits or exhaustion.

You didn’t push. You didn’t need to. Because something had changed. And not just between you. It was in him.

And Jared noticed it too.

They were filming a diner scene, one of those long takes with too much dialogue and not enough caffeine and Jared kept watching Jensen between lines. Not because he was messing up.

Because he wasn’t.

Jensen was more relaxed than he’d been in weeks. The sharp edge he’d been carrying, the kind that came from months of white-knuckling his way through parenting, divorce, and the gnawing frustration of not giving in to something he wanted, was gone.

Replaced with something heavier. Quieter. But not angry.

And Jared? He wasn’t buying the “just got sleep” excuse Jensen had mumbled earlier that morning.

Between takes, he leaned across the counter and lowered his voice. “You finally caved, didn’t you?”.

Jensen didn’t even look up from his script. “Don’t start”.

“That’s a yes”.

“It’s not a anything”.

“Uh-huh”.

Jared paused, tilting his head. “You gonna tell her what this is?”.

Jensen closed his script slowly and looked up, eyes tired, jaw tight.

“I don’t even know what this is”.

Jared raised both brows, then gave a slow nod. “But you know it’s not nothing”.

Jensen didn’t answer. He couldn’t deny.

-

The house was quiet. The kind of quiet you didn’t trust.

JJ had finally stopped texting her friends. Arrow had lost her fight against sleep halfway through a movie. Zeppelin, after three false starts, was out cold. You’d done the rounds, turned off the lights, picked up three socks that didn’t match and didn’t seem to belong to anyone.

Now it was just you. And the low hum of the dryer.

You were in the laundry room, folding a warm pile of shirts while the washer chugged in the corner.

Until Jensen appeared in the doorway.

You didn’t hear him approach. He was barefoot, in sweatpants and a hoodie, looking like something half-finished. His hair still damp from a shower, expression unreadable.

Your hands froze mid-fold.

“Didn’t know you were still up”, he said, voice quiet.

“Didn’t think you cared”, you replied, before you could stop yourself.

His jaw shifted, but he didn’t take the bait. He stepped inside, not too close, just near enough that you could feel the weight of his presence in the small room.

“I’ve been thinking”, he said, eyes on the washer, not you.

“Dangerous”, you muttered.

That made him smirk, just slightly. But then the silence thickened.

You turned away, reaching for the next shirt, needing something to do with your hands. “Look, if this is about—”.

“I miss it”, he said suddenly. “You. That night. All of it”.

You stilled again. Your heart thudded once, hard. You turned, arms full of half-folded cotton. “You’ve had a weird way of showing it”.

“I know”.

He looked up then and whatever was in his eyes hit you like heat. Like memory. Like a hand on your thigh in the dark and the way your name sounded falling out of his mouth.

You dropped the shirt. And then, neither of you moved. It was quiet, again. That dangerous kind.

Then Jensen stepped forward, slow but certain. You backed into the washing machine without meaning to, hands bracing behind you and the look he gave you right then? That wrecked everything you thought you were going to say.

“Jensen—”.

But he was already there. His mouth found yours before the word fully landed. It wasn’t soft this time. It wasn’t careful. It was weeks of tension, poured into one kiss. Your fingers gripped his hoodie, pulling him closer, your body arching into his before you even realized what you were doing.

Clothes didn’t come off as much as they shifted. Sweatpants pushed down. Your sleep shorts peeled aside. There were no promises. No explanations.

Just breath and skin and the rhythmic thud of the dryer beneath you as he lifted you up onto the machine without breaking the kiss.

He pulled back just long enough to look at you, flushed and panting, your legs wrapped around him.

“This doesn’t fix it”, you whispered, voice trembling.

“I know”, he breathed.

But he kissed you again anyway. And neither of you stopped.

-

Eight more weeks. Eight weeks of silence where words should have gone. Of tension that never snapped the way it should have. Of bodies meeting in the in-between—places never meant to hold that kind of heat.

The bathroom, still fogged from his shower. His bedroom, always late, always quiet. The living room, dark except for a movie neither of you watched. Once in the garage, against the car. Once in the car, right after you dropped the kids off at school, the windows fogged and his hand over your mouth to keep the sound of your moan from slipping out into the morning.

It had been everything you said it wouldn’t be. It was never just sex. But neither of you said that out loud.

And now… it was over.

The kids were gone. Back with Danneel for the next few months. The house was too quiet. Too clean. Too still.

Your job was finished.

So you stood in the guest room that had, at some point, become your room, folding the last of your things into a small suitcase. The dresser drawers were empty. Your hoodie wasn’t on the back of a kitchen chair. No tiny socks on the floor. No cereal bowls left in the sink.

It felt… wrong. Like you were walking out of something that hadn’t finished yet.

You sat on the edge of the bed and ran your hand over the blanket—his blanket. You’d slept here. Laughed here. Let him touch parts of you no one else ever had. Let yourself feel things you’d tried to ignore.

Now what?

You exhaled and zipped the suitcase shut. Behind you, in the hallway, you heard the faint sound of his footsteps.

You didn’t turn when you heard the soft knock on the doorframe. But you felt him there. He stood in silence for a moment, then spoke.

“So that’s it?”.

You looked over your shoulder.

He was leaning against the frame, arms crossed, jaw tight. Not angry. Just… tense. Like he didn’t know what to do with his hands anymore. Like he’d expected to walk in and find you half-unpacked, not zipped up and ready to go.

You shrugged. “The kids are with Danneel. You don’t need a babysitter anymore”.

His eyes flicked to the suitcase. “Didn’t think you’d leave this fast”.

You smiled faintly, but it didn’t reach your eyes. “Didn’t think you’d care”.

His jaw shifted. He didn’t deny it. But he didn’t agree either.

You stood up slowly, brushing your hands against your thighs. “Look, it was what it was. You didn’t owe me anything. And I wasn’t expecting some big, dramatic goodbye”.

He stepped further into the room. “Wasn’t what I meant”.

You tilted your head, brows lifting. “Then what did you mean?”.

Jensen sighed, dragging a hand through his hair like he was working through a headache or avoiding looking at you for too long. “I just… I didn’t think it’d feel like this”.

You swallowed hard. “Like what?”.

“Like I’m letting something walk out that I don’t actually want to lose”.

The room went still. Not romantic. Not sappy. Just real.

Your voice was quiet. “Then say something that makes me want to stay”.

Jensen stepped in, slow but deliberate, until he was right in front of you, close enough to touch. But he didn’t, not yet. He looked at you like he was still figuring it out.

“I don’t know what the hell this is”, he said, voice low. “I just know that when I come home and you’re not here, the house feels wrong”.

He looked down, then back up, finally letting his hand find your waist, just enough pressure to ground both of you.

“I’m not good at this”, he added. “At saying what I want”.

You reached up, brushing your fingers over his hoodie, just above his heart. “You don’t have to say it”.

“Yeah”, he murmured. “But maybe this time… I should”.

You waited.

Jensen held your eyes. “Stay”.

A beat. Not forever. Not a promise. Just… stay.

Your mouth twitched, a dry laugh escaping. “Guess I’ll need to unpack”.

His hand slid to the back of your neck, pulling you in.

“Start with that shirt”, he muttered.

-

The sun was barely up when you stirred, the light bleeding soft and gold through the edges of the curtains. You felt it first in the warmth across your back, an arm wrapped around your waist, a chest pressed firm against yours, steady breathing at the base of your neck.

Jensen.

His hand was resting low on your stomach, bare skin against bare skin, fingers spread like he hadn’t been able to stop touching you, even in sleep.

Last night hadn’t started slow. It never did, not with him. It had been all tangled sheets and quiet moans, your shirt halfway off before you made it to the bed. His mouth had found your neck like he was already missing the taste of you, and your thighs had parted for him like instinct, no hesitation left between you anymore. You could still feel the echo of his hands guiding you, of his voice rough in your ear saying things he never would’ve dared a month ago.

But somewhere in the middle of all that heat, it had shifted. Slower. Deeper. The kind of intimacy that said: I see you. I want all of it.

He hadn’t rushed you, hadn’t pushed. Just touched and watched and kissed like it was the only thing that mattered. Like you weren’t going anywhere. Like you were already his.

You smiled into the pillow now, still sore in all the best ways.

A quiet groan rumbled behind you as Jensen stirred, pulling you in tighter. His nose brushed the back of your shoulder, his voice rough and low with sleep. “You’re still here”.

You hummed. “You told me to stay, remember?”.

He chuckled softly, lips pressing into your skin. “Best idea I ever had”.

You turned in his arms to face him, your fingers tracing the edge of his jaw. His hair was a mess, his eyes barely open, but the look he gave you made your chest ache in a way that wasn’t casual anymore. “You hungry?”, he murmured, voice thick.

You arched a brow. “For food?”.

He smirked. “Eventually”.

You laughed and leaned in, brushing your lips over his. “We’ve got time”.

And for the first time in weeks, neither of you questioned that.

You had time. And maybe—just maybe—something real was finally beginning.

———————————

A/N: Please let me know what you think.🥰 

-

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[doomdaddytop]

I LOVED ONE LAST TIME!!! can we please get a thanos fic where him and the reader take the pills together?

BATHROOM & PILLS

THANOS/SU-BONG X FEMALE READER

summary: you and thanos connect by taking a small detour to the bathroom when the lights are out. just innocent talking leads to something more and helps you relieve some stress.

WARNINGS: swearing, drugs, slight smut, thanos being himself.

A/N: sorry this took so long! i started writing this part offline and i kept disappearing, so i had to rewrite it so many times. i did my best. hope you all like it :)

it was hard to ignore su-bong. he was everywhere and anywhere. he stuck out easily in a crowd, purple hair and his tall frame already familiar to you. su-bong had some kind of superpower that always made you look for him in a room full of people. even before you were introduced to him, you would always spot him, unconsciously remembering where he was or what he was doing. su-bong had a charm that was hard to ignore in a room full of boring people.

it didn’t take long for su-bong to notice you either. he was immediately all over you, blabbing flirty comments your way. you knew what su-bong was clearly trying to do, but somehow you still fell for his irresistible charms. you tried to play it cool, giving him the cold shoulder or acting like you didn’t care, but at the end of the day, he was the only person you were thinking about.

things lead to another and that’s how you ended up stuck in bathroom stall with su-bong. at first, the two of you just talked, a normal conversation about life and a lot about his rapper career. it was easy to talk with su-bong, he always had something to say. the conversation flew, but the deep feeling of dread still remained in your stomach. you were stuck here, a place where you had to survive. if you didn’t, you would die.

you were scared, maybe even terrified.your eyes moved to the cross around his neck. you knew he had drugs in them, some heavy pills that worked almost immediately. you weren’t usually very interested in drugs, you stayed away from them. but now, they seemed so appealing. you wanted to get rid of this feeling, the emotions that wore you down. your anxiety would only make this whole thing worse. why would you pass an offer to get rid of it?

“can i have one?” you asked, not even specifying what you wanted. he knew immediately, hands moving down to the cross. he slid closer to you, opening up to necklace to show you the various colors of pills. your finger moved to reach for one, but su-bong moved the cross away from you.

“you sure? this shit is fucking crazy.” he expressed, emphasizing the part of it being crazy. you didn’t care how crazy it was, you needed something to ease your stress, the pain of emotions that were swirling through you. it was easy to see how nervous you were, hands shaking and flinches at sudden movements. su-bong could tell you were struggling, and that said a lot.you eyed the necklace for a moment, thinking over your choice. die with anxiety or die happy? the latter seemed like a better choice.

your eyes moved up to su-bong’s intense brown orbs, nodding your head. he didn’t react immediately, just stared into your eyes, almost like he was thinking deeply about something. he let out a huff as he was brought back to life, his normal enthusiasm shining in his eyes again. he shifted closer to you, opening and reaching the cross over to you.

some of the pills were different colors. blue, yellow and red. you tried to think which seemed the most appealing to you. it was clear they all had the same effect, but you wanted to pick a suitable one for yourself. the red ones screamed death to you, almost like a warning not to take them. the yellow reminded you of the sun or the hot beach sand that burned your feet in the summer. blue reminded you of the tracksuits you were wearing and the overall color of this place. then it had to be blue. this pill was going to guide you through the games, giving you enough of a boost to help you stay alive. hopefully.

you took the blue pill, popping it into your mouth. it didn’t have any specific taste as you chewed it, but the sensation of it in your mouth was definitely not very pleasant. soon the pill dissolved in your mouth, a layer of its contents still on your tongue. su-bong’s eyes stayed on you, gauging your reaction to the drug. you weren’t sure if he was worried or just interested, all that mattered to you was that he was here.

“how is it? you feel good?” he asked, curiosity evident in his voice. your body almost immediately relaxed, a sigh escaping your mouth. it felt better already. the stress you had experienced before was slowly easing into nothingness. your head fell to su-bong’s shoulder, hands moving around his arm. he felt so soft, so warm. he didn’t feel this soft before.

“you know, thanos is so stupid. i like your real name better. su-bong. su-bong. su-bong. su-bong…” you muttered out, body feeling completely limp against his. su-bong chuckled, wrapping an arm around your back. you heard the click of the cross opening, eyes moving to see what he was doing. su-bong picked up a blue pill too, quickly throwing it into his mouth.

after a moment in silence, su-bong shook his head, his alive eyes moving to see you. his leg started shaking, like he wanted to jump around the place. you on the other hand just felt fuzzy on the inside, a warm feeling flowing through your body. su-bong pushed himself up from the ground, pulling you with him. you didn’t complain, his hand was still around you. his head snapped over to you, eyes trailing your body. “can i show you how much your name means to me?”

su-bong turned his body towards you, his hands finding your hips. your eyes lazily moved over his body before up to his eyes. he hungrily stared back at you, fingers tightening around you. “fine. but don’t make too much noise.”

his hands instantly started roaming your body, lips crashing into you. your posture loosened as you felt his hand travel under your jacket and shirt, his rough calloused fingers rubbing against your skin. his touch felt so good and the drug he had given you before made you feel more relaxed than ever before. it was so hard not to give into su-bong. he was like a magnet, pulling you closer.

he crashed his lips onto yours again, hands firmly tied to your hips. his body was closer to you now, letting you feel him all the way. his body tried leaning closer to you, but that only ended up in you getting shoved against the bathroom stall’s door. su-bong wasn’t still pleased with the non-existent proximity between the two of you. he pushed himself even closer to you, his hips pinning you down on the door, his hard against you.

you swore you heard the bathroom door open, though that sound barely registered in your brain. your hands moved to su-bong’s hair, pulling his purple strikes up. moans escaped his mouth, the vibration of them against your lips making your knees grow weaker. su-bong craved getting closer to you, now rolling his hips against you. his hands frantically moved under your shirt, his silver rings already warm from the heat of your body.

suddenly, your body started to fall back, the stall’s door opening quickly. thankfully, su-bong’s held onto your body, still distracted by your lips. you slowly pushed su-bong’s face away from yours, his hungry lips still trying to get closer to you. as you leaned away from you, three pairs of eyes were staring at you and su-bong. player 120, player 149 and player 222 were all staring at the two of you. geum-ja immediately moved closer to you, starting to hit su-bong on the shoulder.

“is he bothering you? how did you get into the women’s bathroom?” she asked, first you in a sweet tone and then su-bong, raising her voice at him. she hit su-bong harder on his shoulder, making him let out small yelps. geum-ja pulled su-bong out of the stall by his ear, yelling at him about behaving himself. you just chuckled, too amused to stop her.

“it’s fine. we thought nobody was going to use the bathroom when the lights were out, so i helped him get in.” you smiled to the three of them, stepping out the stall, almost stumbling down from the effect of the drug. su-bong wrapped his arm around you, seeing how much you were struggling to properly move. geum-ja backed away from him, giving him one last glare before turning away from him.

jun-hee moved away from hyun-ju and geum-ja, walking into a different bathroom stall. the room was starting to spin. your body felt light and leaned against su-bong’s tall frame. his arms gripped your hips holding you steadily up. he looked down at you, his concerned brown eyes moving over your body. it was unusual to see him worried about something or someone. your eyes closed for a moment trying to regain your sense of balance and sight.

“you better get her back to bed before i pull those ears off your head!” geum-ja threatened, hitting su-bong’s shoulder again. he just waved her off, wrapping his arm around your back again. hyun-ju and geum-ja followed behind as su-bong guided you out to the bathroom door. your legs felt wobbly, almost like jello and you couldn’t help but wonder how su-bong was holding up so well. he must have taken these pills way more than you had initially thought.

“make sure she gets some sleep.” hyun-ju said, concern clearly evident in her voice. su-bong nodded at her before opening the door for you. you the women one last smile and stepped out of the bathroom. a guard was outside, eyeing you and su-bong. he just laughed at the guard as he helped you navigate through the place. you chuckled too, not knowing at what, but to you it was funny nonetheless.

[iamnmbr3]

From a doylist perspective, when it comes Harry committing sectumsempra I guess that even if JKR wrote that scene herself-she most likely still didn't want Harry to come off as unlikable for almost murdering someone? So she wrote his first kiss with Ginny in that same chapter to not only take away the main focus of the crime, but to also elevate Hinny as something positive that happened after something horrific? To get readers excited that "omg, Harry and Ginny finally kissed! They're the final pairing!" inside of going “did Harry just kill Draco???”

From a watsonian view though it just seems like Harry's running away from what he did and is using Ginny as a form of escape. Given that he kisses her immediately after that "incident" which is just..... such a weird choice for JKR to decide that that chapter is when Hinny will have their first kiss and not in a chapter more  uplifting/romantic. Ironically, even as a child I always thought that the sectumsempra scene took attention away from Hinny’s first kiss and not the other way around. With my kid brain only wanting confirmation from Snape & Nurse Poppy on whether Draco was actually dead.

Yes exactly. It's also weird framing because before the kiss we see Ginny come to Harry's defense when everyone else is mad at him. But like. She just completely brushes off what he did in a way that feels very hero worshippy. I mean. She says it's lucky Harry had something good up his sleeve.

And yes, Harry definitely had the right to defend himself against an Unforgivable being used by a probable Death Eater (and it's weird that he's so upset that Draco got hurt as a result) and it's not his fault that he didn't know what the spell did. But Harry would never have used the spell if he knew what it did. And he feels horrible. His true friends are able to stand up to him when he is wrong. And Ginny in boo 5 did this too. She calls him out several times. It's why their dynamic in book 5 feels much better and more equal. Here though she's just more like a fangirl.

So it comes across as him running away from his problems to someone who he doesn't really like that much but who will take his mind of things and just be uncritically adoring of him...and who he has feelings of lust for. Like after the kiss he's not excited to talk to her. He's excited to take her off to somewhere private for unspecified romantic activities (since it's YA).

And the fact that Harry's brain goes "hmm. I need to stop thinking about Draco (for Reasons even tho I just discovered that I was 100% right about him but apparently him being a Death Eater isn't worth investigating if he might get hurt)...what can even slightly fill the hole in my life? ... I know. A girlfriend" is insane. If this was a drarry fic I'd say it was too unsubtle.

[burekforsatoru]

boyfriend nagi headcanons part 1 | fluff

♡ masterlist | ♡ ao3

boyfriend nagi senses you get up in the middle of the night and asks you to bring him some cheese. you were only going to get some water, but somehow he knew that your destination is the kitchen, and so you pat his chest and pad along to the tiled floor to stand in front of the fridge. one glass full of water already downed, you refill it and bring it back to the bedroom along with a bag of grated cheese. you knew when you stood in front of the cheese section in the store a few days ago it would come to be useful even though you had no real plans for it. there's almost a smirk on your lips, a ghost of a smile too tired to fully manifest as you walk back slowly, careful not to spill or trip. he's sitting up when you reach the bed, rubbing the sleep out of his eyes when he sees you with the haul. nagi's eyes soften, he didn't know if you'd remember, being almost half asleep when he'd asked, but the smile that flicks over your face is enough to get him melted again. he doesn't reach out for the food, instead lets you settle back into bed and open the seal of the bag yourself. something tells him you won't be in the mood to take it back to the fridge, and neither will he, so it would be best to kill that entire bag between the two of you. he waits until you grab some and put it into your mouth, only then does he reach for some too, the taste made that much better by the company. sitting in silence, in the dead of night, just two cheese goblins sharing gazes, bits of food, and kisses.

boyfriend nagi likes to sit between your legs while he games. as long as you don't move around too much, he likes the gentle reminder that you're there, but also a soft place to lean his head on when he's waiting for the next screen to load. it usually doesn't help in one aspect, and that's the overwhelming need to just close his eyes and savour the softness of your skin, and it's happened before. he would fall asleep in record time, and wake up to the almost mocking game over on the screen. it never matters, though, because he can always redo the level, but the moments spent with you are irreplaceable.

boyfriend nagi puts his entire weight on you when you're lying on the couch miserable and in pain. the first time you asked him that, he thought he was imagining things, but a tug on his hand and a whiny little voice showed him how serious you were. a weighted blanket, that's what you called him that time. he rolled his eyes exactly once before he noticed the slight quirk of your lips upward. it felt good, it was clear from the groan you let out as your body sank deeper into the cushions. pain slowly becoming more manageable as his warmth spread through your limbs, along your torso, into your heart, across your cheeks. he's since learned not to question you when you ask him to lie on you, and instead just lets you have a few moments of comfort under his strong form, the least he could do when you're feeling your insides fall apart, leaving you alone only to go and make you some lemon tea, because if it helps him feel better, surely it will do the same for you.

boyfriend nagi watches you cook often. he doesn't often have the motivation to eat proper food, let alone prepare it himself, but something about the way you move in the kitchen fascinates him. one hand firm on the knife and the once whole pepper turns into thin ribbons. several things going on at the same time, water boiling, pan sizzling, the heap of vegetables getting bigger on the side after a quick treatment with your blade— all that accompanied by your humming along to the song on the radio. nagi leans against the door frame and just… observes. sometimes he wishes he could do it, too. to surprise you with something he's made just for you, but his mind always goes blank when your smile is directed at him, just like when you catch him looking. it's useless fighting it, so he gives in to the urge to push himself off the door frame and wraps his arms around your waist, standing behind you with the best view of the way you clean up the chopping board and toss the vegetables into the pan, mixing them together until they become the dinner he's been sniffing in the air. a tender kiss thank you, a snuggle it's delicious, and the rest of the night spent sprawled out on the couch while playing a cosy game together i love you. that's how nagi thinks he might see the point of cooking.

boyfriend nagi likes poking your cheeks. at first it may have been accidental, or purely an impulsive move on his part, but ever since the first time you looked at him bewildered at his action, he hasn't spent a day with you without doing it at least once. he hasn't thought about it much, really, because it's a simple thing — his girlfriend, your sweet warm cheek, a giggle directed at him. all of the things he likes together. you don't even know why it brings him so much joy and why he tends to sit there fascinated by the bounciness of your cheek once he removes his finger, you're just happy to see him so enthralled. you don't even know it's because you smile every time. and even when he doesn't know what to say or how to act, the easiest way to get you to curl the corners of your lips and smile at him is to poke you. and a lot of the times that's enough for him.

♡ if you enjoyed this, consider leaving a like, reblog, or a comment. interaction helps keep your writers motivated! also if you don't agree with some of these that's okay, this is just my opinion and it's hella self-indulgent!

[bitemefightme]

Unhinged Ghost fic ask: Murderous, feral ghouls who resort to autosarcophagy when they can't get their hands on human meat. Because they may be feral, but they love their packmates too much to eat them 🖤✨ (@seestorimperator)

Oooooh this is a good one. I think that because the Clergy thinks so little of the ghouls they sometimes "forget" to feed them ... Or don't let them out to hunt on their own... Or just don't give them enough food for the whole pack. Soooo let's see what I can come up with.

Warning for autosarcophagy (self cannibalisation) kinda hurt comfort because I like happy endings.

It was almost as bad down here as it was in the Pit... Not quite... But almost.

The hunger and physical pain were horrible but the fear and betrayal were worse. Omega had been locked in this dungeon deep below the ministry for only Satan knew how long. He shared a cell with Alpha, Delta, and Pebble but he could smell the rest of his pack nearby, all in destress. All hungry.

The Clergy hadn't been making as many sacrifices as they used to. Human, goat, or otherwise. Meaning what little food they did get didn't go as far as they needed it.

Omega watched with anguish as his three packmates painstakingly divided up an arm that had been thrown to them that morning. The first food they had received in days. They deserved better than this. Their papa surely hadn't forgotten about them... Right?

"You need to eat." Alpha was holding a human finger up to Omega's mouth and the irony wasn't lost on him.

The four of them were all missing finger and chunks from their lips and cheeks but Omega was the worst out of all of them. He had nawed his left hand down to a stump. His right had no fingers left and his lips and cheeks had been consumed to the point of his teeth showing in a permanent ghastly grin. He had been putting his packmates hunger above his own for years now. He only ate enough to keep himself alive, which showed in his skeletal frame. Though, they were all skeletal at this point.

Omega opened his mouth and let Alpha place small pieces of flesh and bone on his tongue. He had to be able to swallow without chewing because of his missing cheeks. He wanted to argue and refuse to eat until there others had eaten but he had bitten his tongue off long ago. Omega swallowed hard against the cold metal collar around his neck. They all had one. It kept the chained to the wall with just enough length to reach the center of the room.

After a few bites, Omega refused to open his mouth for any more. He wanted Alpha to go eat with the others. Thankfully Alpha got the hint and sighed. They all knew that if they could just get out of here and hunt and eat their fill that they could regenerate but hope of that had faded not long after they had started biting fingers off.

A few more days passed and Omega was nibbling chunks out of his right hand when there was a loud commotion coming from down the hall outside the cell.

"What do you mean they've been down here this whole time!!" There was yelling. The voice sounded familiar somehow. "Get me every single person who knew about this and I might show mercy."

"Please Frater Imperator! Be reasonable-"

Frater Imperator? What happened to Sister Imperator?

"Reasonable? Reasonable??! You could have sent them back to the Pit, or just let them work in the ministry but instead you've tortured and starved them"

There was a long silence before this Frater Imperator growled again.

"Get everyone who knew about this... NOW!"

A few hours passed where the only sound was someone pacing and mumbling until a group of people filed into the dungeon.

"Open the cells"

The words sent shock waves though humans and ghouls alike.

"Frater the ghouls aren't safe to be released they need-"

"To be fed?" This Fraters voice cut like a blade. "And they will be. The group of you shall make a fine meal for them."

There was begging, crying, and shouting outside but the harsh clang of the door leading up and out of the dungeon sounded loudly through it all followed by the click of the lock.

There was the sound of a scuffle and then chocked crying as someone was dragged towards the cells.

Omega squinted against the harsh lighting in the hall as the cell door opened as a somewhat familiar face stepped into view.

"Cardinal?" Pebbles question cut through the tension.

"Oh dark lord" Copia's eyes misted over with sorrow at the sight of them. "You poor things, I- if I had known I would have- I'm so sorry"

Copia stepped into the cell with a cardinal in tow. He pushed the man towards Alpha and Delta who waisted to time letting their instincts take over and start tearing the man to shreds as his cries of pain became wet, bloody gurgles.

Omega's attention was grabbed by Copia again as the collar around his neck was removed. It felt like taking a deep breath after being under water for too long and Omega couldn't hold back the sob that ripped its way out of his throat. The sound caught his packmates attention and they hustled over, hands and mouths dripping with blood and gore. They comforted and fed each other as all of their collars came off one by one.

Soon, the same was done for all the other cells. A human was brought in, the ghouls set free and they feasted until every ghoul was free and the only human left was Copia.

Ifrit and Mist were in the worst shape out of all of them. Apparently their cell had been at the end of the hall, meaning that there wasn't much food that had made its way to them. Ifrit had clawed most of the flesh from his legs and was missing an arm while Mist had clawed off his nose and ears and was missing his legs below the knee.

Copia made sure they all got out and into the infirmary. It was late at night but there were still a few brothers and sisters of sin milling around the halls so word spread fast about the "missing" ghouls having been found and the state they were all in.

In the infirmary the ghouls had the chance to start the healing and regeneration process. Copia personally made sure everyone got plenty of food. During this time the ghouls were told what had happened to Nihil, Primo, Secondo, Terzo, and Sister Imperator. How Cardinal Copia has become Papa Emeritus IV and then Frater Imperator. How he didn't know about the ghouls in the dungeon until he got a paper that he needed to sign as Imperator to give the ok to send Swiss down.

"I'm so sorry." Copia's voice broke as he stood before the pack. Most were healed by this point. The only ones who were still in recovery were Ifrit, Mist, and Omega. "If... If I had known what was happening, I would have... I don't know how I can make this right."

"Never let this happen again." It was the first thing Omega had spoken in months. His voice was weak and shaking. "Never let another ghoul go though what we had to. We spent years thinking our Papa's had abandoned us. Never let it happen again."

Copia nodded.

"I understand if any of you want to leave." Copia pulled out a clipboard. "I can start the process of relocating you to different ministries if that's what you want."

A murmur spread through the pack. Could they trust that they wouldn't be locked away again if they left.

"I want to stay." It was Air. "Aside from our Papa's, you've been the only one to stick up for us. We have no guarantee we won't experience similar treatment elsewhere."

There was a quiet agreement amongst the pack.

Copia sighed in relief.

"If you wish to stay then you stay." Copia smiled. "Take all the time you need to finish recovery and then we can discuss what to do going forward and how to prevent this from ever happening again."

Omega faintly smiled. He knew the pack would never be the same after this. He knew he would never feel the same knowing what had happened to Terzo. But the Frater Imperator's promise still lingering in the air, he felt something he hadn't felt in years.

Hope.

Aaaagh. Sorry if this isn't exactly what you had in mind but this was all I could come up with....

[thetrasha]

Hello there, it's me again! The one who asked for the ideal types.

I hope you feel better soon, and let me know if you need a break, I don't want to bother with too many requests!

Have you finished Dressrosa? Today I'm here to request something for a specific character. This ask will be even vaguer than the previous ones; I'll give you a lot of creative freedom because I don't even know what I want :')

The only thing I know is that I need something fluff whit Corazon (Rosinante). We need more content of this man here on Tumblr!!

This feels like ages ago but just to confirm: Yes, I'm not sick anymore lol hooray

I can't believe it myself, but I'm ALMOST done with Dressrosa!! :D "Almost" (25 episodes bye). We're so back (Well, I wasn't ever gone, but you had to wait a long time to have this request fulfilled so I do hope I did it justice)~ Take care and without further ado: Rosinante requests are officially allowed on this blog‼️😤

I hope you like this <3 I think it's pretty good (❁´◡`❁) But long!!

Still Waters Run Deep

feat. ROSINANTE

“You look ridiculous, Commander.”

“Thanks for your input, (Y/N)…”, Rosinante grumbled, practising his new makeup routine over and over again. He couldn’t quite get the look right, the blue star beneath his right eye not coming out as symmetrical as he’d hoped. The painted grin on his face was also pretty lopsided. Sengoku started laughing right at his face yesterday morning.

You could all but giggle at your friend’s strange change in appearance. This wasn’t like him at all…

You were found mere months after Rosinante was – your home island had fallen victim to natural disasters, leaving it totally uninhabitable. Most people, including your family, eventually chose to flee from the elements for your own safety, but you all got caught in a vicious hurricane that beat down on your rudimentary rafts that should have carried you far and wide, away from such a hostile environment. By some miracle, you survived, but were now stranded at sea… with no one to talk to, hungry and broken.

That is, until a marine vessel almost crashed into your tiny sailboat as you were slowly dying of thirst. It didn’t even register to you that you’d been saved, you’ve started hallucinating ships on the horizon days ago, so this was just another hopeless fever dream to you. After it’s been confirmed that there had been no other surviving relatives, Sengoku had personally ordered that you’d be taken into Navy custody after you’ve confirmed your own age under wails and hiccups, suddenly desperate to re-socialise his traumatised foster son Rosinante… with a friend he could relate to.

You grew up together as a package deal, experiencing each other’s highs and lows through your teenage years and early adulthood.

Maybe that’s why you were the only other person who knew about his secret mission – despite only being a mere Lieutenant. You firmly disagreed with his choice to contain his older brother’s madness. In the North Blue, the Donquixote Pirates were rampaging like the lunatics they are… and you genuinely thought that Rosinante was going to regret this mission and get backed into a corner, even if he was steadfast in his conviction. This was the only point of tension between you two – and the arguments kept piling up in recent months, especially after he’s officially requested to be sent on “extended medical leave for sustaining severe injuries”…

Yeah, right. Like he’s ever cared about that in the first place. HQ was so damn naive!

“If only you chose a non-smoker as your persona instead of… whatever this is.”, you commented dryly, watching him cough and double over as soon as he inhaled a bit of dark blue eyeshadow dust. He even tripped over his own feet and landed right into your arms. Luckily for the both of you, you were strong enough to hold his entire frame in place for a short moment.

“It’s called stealth.”, he said directly into your ear, making you shiver for a moment.

“Uh-huh. Evidently, it’s not called ‘health’. You’re going to set yourself on fire if you continue smoking in this absurd attire, Rosi. Look at that coat. Horrible. You’ll die before you even get there.”

You clicked your tongue in annoyance at his decision to leave soon, groaning as he slowly moved away from you, using your shoulders as leverage to stand up to his full height. Since he suddenly stood a lot closer to you, you had to crane your neck up to look into his copper-coloured eyes.

At least his eyes were still the same ones you knew. Other than that, he might as well have turned into a caricature of his older brother – extravagant feather coat, dark shades and a bizarre suit. The only thing that was kind of cute was the dark magenta beanie with little heart tails.

“I won’t die, I promise.”, he smiled, trying to manoeuvre you into a sweet hug, but you didn’t want to hug him when he looked like this.

You pouted, pushing him away, at which he frowned. The sad, red grin on his cheeks became even more uneven as the corners of his mouth turned upside down in disappointment.

His large hands found your shoulders again, squeezing you as he pulled you flush against him. The intensity of his hug might as well have crushed your bones, but you wrapped your arms around his waist in return, knowing that he needed it right now. But when he pulled back, he looked visibly sick.

“You might. Sengoku sent me away to work with Vice Admiral Tsuru, she operates near Spider Miles, you fool! What if we have to fight each other?!”

He breathed out shakily, flashing you a trembling smile that couldn’t have been more of a lie if he tried, “You’re transferring to… Spider… Miles?”

“Don’t faint, Rosi…”, you cooed in a gentle voice, but watched the sway in his step with a gulp before he came crashing down upon you, “Ah- Help! HELP!!! He’s- crushing me!!”

What you didn’t know is that evening, on that very fateful day, marked the only time Rosinante ever screamed at Sengoku for even entertaining the idea of you being anywhere near the Donquixote Pirates. His foster father explained that he thought his son would love to, at the very least, see you around on his undercover mission, but that couldn’t be further from the truth.

Rosinante didn’t ever want to have you watch him commit sins right under your nose while you’d have to try to contain him and the other Donquixote elites. He especially wouldn’t forgive himself if you ended up hurt because of him. Worse if it was at the hands of his brother. He would see red and be blinded by rage, no rational thought left. It would… jeopardise this whole thing.

The next day, the cancellation of your transfer sat on your desk.

One week later, you’d be seeing each other for the last time in a long time.

“So this is it...”, you said quietly, looking at a new version of the man you’ve spent your life with. He nodded, swallowing a dry lump in his throat.

Now Rosinante would become a pirate, commit the unspeakable and… work under this madman of a brother. Nothing you said could have convinced him to stay – you tried so many things, so many times. It was pointless to attempt to sway him now, all you could do was accept fate at this point. It wouldn’t ever be the same again; he… might as well have died that day.

He’s been such a steady presence in your life… you don’t even know whether you could live without him.

Maybe that’s why you never confessed your feelings to him. Rosinante was destined to fell his own brother’s evil empire. Every choice would have eventually led him down this path – it was in his kind nature to try and mitigate the damages Doflamingo might cause. Hell, it was in his nature to try to save the world, even if he was but one man; even if it was hopeless, he would always try… just on the off chance that it might do something. He is an extreme idealist who dreams about leaving the world a better place than he found it. And you’ve fallen for this sentimental idiot, knowing that he’d exchange his life for someone else’s. Loving him was futile, even if he secretly longed to experience it – his calling would be his death sentence. You just knew it…

So you gave him one last look, blinking away tears. Rosinante wouldn’t have to see you cry for him, it would just weigh on his mind and make him feel guilty for leaving you behind, but this was what he trained for. All those years spent rigorously training… He’d been ready before he decided to go on this undercover mission in the first place.

You spoke up, burying your face in his chest to hide your sorrowful expression from his view, your voice cracking with heartbreak, “If you’re ever in trouble, you know where to find me.”

...

Two years.

Two wretched years.

Rosinante hadn’t talked to you for two years, but he’s thought of you every single day of his new life. It wasn’t easy, being a commander of the Donquixote Pirates… among such vicious and callous men who’d kill anyone who stood in their way. Worst is that, on the surface, he has become just like them, even if they believe ‘Corazon’ never changed – that he’s always been cruel. That… couldn’t be further from the truth. It was so, so hard to leave you. This mission might have cost him everything. The beauty of growing up with you was witnessing the person you became. You were a deity in every way – benevolent, gracious, just… you really looked out for your people, always keeping an eye on your best friend. How could he not fall for someone like you? Someone who’s held him when he suffered through nightmares that soaked him in a cold sweat, someone who hummed a sea shanty whenever he saw a vessel of World Nobility pass by, someone who… came to him – only ever him – when there was an earthquake, or a volcanic eruption or a tsunami… because you saw a protector in him.

You knew Rosinante wasn’t meant to destroy, he was always meant to defend.

God… how much he loved you for that alone.

How pathetic.

You’d probably moved on with your life. While your best friend was stuck in the same Hell he chose two years later, you were probably a Commander these days, perhaps you even outrank him now, maybe you’d gotten… married – and forgot about him.

He tripped over a raised root of an oak, rolling down a steep hill until he fell right in front of Law’s unimpressed face, holding a bunch of unknown fruit he deemed edible… maybe not delicious, but edible.

Rosinante had probably broken a rib or two by crashing into their camp like that, but he didn’t even think about the pain because you’ve been haunting him.

“If you’re ever in trouble, you know where to find me.”

Law wasn’t improving at all and they were running out of time. He chose to save that boy’s life three months ago, but no doctor was willing to help him… if anyone could help him at all. The papers continued writing about a child with Amber Lead Syndrome showing up in different parts of this ocean, always somehow evading the World Government – all thanks to the Calm-Calm Fruit.

Rosinante has bound himself to this dying child now. He… felt responsible for him. He was sure that this was probably how Sengoku felt about him when that little blond boy couldn’t stop crying his heart out all those years ago.

“If you’re ever in trouble, you know where to find me.”

All Law had known the past few years was pain and suffering. The fact that the kid could sleep at all was a miracle. If Rosinante wasn’t aware of the wound inside his young soul, he would have thought that he was just a normal child. A bit sickly, but normal. Oh, how wrong he was. That amount of torment would have ripped anybody else apart.

This was Law’s chance at life! He’s been fighting his own demons for years and wants to be set free so bad, but neither Rosinante nor Corazon had the power to do that with time running against them.

“If you’re ever in trouble, you know where to find me.”

Maybe… just maybe… if Law was truly dying – not that he is! Of course… there is a cure out there, probably in the shape of a Devil Fruit – he deserved to be with… family.

You genuinely thought you were starting to hallucinate as soon as Rosinante stood in front of your door, a little boy right next to him. Your mouth was so wide open that your jaw might have hit the floor… you can’t recollect that moment all too well because you couldn’t stop a river of tears flowing down your cheeks as desperate wails rang through the dead of night. The man you’ve been waiting for embraced you sweetly, shushing you with gentle hums as you squeezed him tight. You were suddenly glad that you lived so far away from the base… it did make your commute to work living Hell, but Rosinante wouldn’t have ever gained the courage to come there if you chose a different living situation– because of that little boy that stared at you two.

The kid’s expression was unreadable, but there was some sort of longing in his eyes.

“And- who’s this?”, you smiled through the tears before you crouched down in front of Rosi’s companion. Meanwhile, your best friend sniffled but it turned into a pained gasp when he hit his head on your door frame…

“I’m Law…”

“Hello Law, I’m (Y/N)…”

“…” He just stared at you.

“…”

“…” His gaze filled with hope turned into a glare, his face pulled into a snarl.

“Everything alright?”, you asked quietly, trying to come closer but the strange child pulled back immediately. He briefly shot a mean look towards Rosinante, who’s started smoking behind you, before his eyes zeroed in on you again.

“Aren’t you scared?”, Law growled.

You blinked, causing him to scoff. The man who could resolve all of this stayed quiet behind you, but you did hear him put out a fire with a yelp… sigh. You told him!

“Why would I be scared?”

“Are you stupid or blind? I have Amber Lead Syndrome.”

“Ah, now all those reports make a lot more sense… Rosi, you- you idiot! Do you know what you’ve done?! Are you insane?!”

Your scolding did cause Law to slump, looking at who he affectionately referred to as Cora-san with fury in his eyes now. Of course you’d blow up at Corazon and then at Law himself. You’d think he was contagious and call the Navy-

“I promise I didn’t mean to make your job more difficul-”

“QUIET! We’ll talk in the living room, you monumental--- gah!! I can’t even insult you anymore. I’m too happy to see you. GO! And don’t… fall… I… uh… first aid’s still in the bathroom, Rosi.”

Law stood on your welcome mat, almost shedding tears upon being abandoned by the man he’s come to respect the most. This was the final straw, it was hopele-

“Law, are you coming or do you want to sleep outside?!”, you shouted from a room inside your home… and that little boy couldn’t believe his own ears.

…In fact, he couldn’t even trust his own eyes when you were sitting on your knees on the plush cushions of your couch trying to suture the fresh laceration on Corazon’s forehead with shaky fingers, a cup of hot cocoa in his tiny hands while… that walking fire hazard of a man looked at you like a lovesick fool.

“What is going on here?!”, Law screamed, pointing at you two after taking a sip of the hot beverage you’ve just made him.

“What do you mean?”, Rosinante echoed, hissing when you disinfected the edges of his cut before you went back in with the needle. He was a lot bigger than regular people, meaning that he sustained even larger injuries if he got hurt. The amount of stitches this took was ridiculous…

“Why are we here?! She’s not a doctor! She doesn’t even know how to properly treat a minor cut!”

“You’re a rude brat, you know that?”, you chuckled, patting the child’s spotted head, “But you’re really cute, so I’ll let it slide…”

Law blushed, huffing in frustration while Rosinante wore an overjoyed expression, pointing at you two with sparkling eyes.

Since it was the middle of the night, you both told the child that suddenly entered your life to go to sleep and rest well. You had no guest bedroom, so you gave your bed to Law. Rosinante smirked, dramatically showing off his Devil Fruit powers by making the entire bedroom soundproof with a dorky thumbs-up. You shook you head at him with a bright smile… This guy…

And then you went back into the living room, silently staring at each other. You bit your lip and rubbed your arms, not knowing what to say.

Neither of you had to say anything because the blond man fell to his knees, hugging you as if you were going to disappear. And you couldn’t help but fall into his arms and kiss him. Your lips desperately moved against his own. You knew you were getting lipstick all over yourself, but you didn’t care one bit. Rosinante’s hands found the small of your back whilst yours circled his neck before throwing his hat away. You buried your hands in his blond locks.

A surprised squeal left your mouth when he lifted you up in his arms, tearing away from you with an undoubtable hunger in his eyes. His pupils were blown out and he almost looked properly smitten, perfecting mirroring your own expression.

His strength allowed him to easily move his hands under your thighs while you clung to him, resting your head against his buzzing chest. Rosinante panted like he crossed the entire North Blue on foot, but looked as content as ever.

He squeezed you and kissed the crown of you head lovingly.

You looked back up at him with a sheepish smile.

“Today I learnt that I could have done this ages ago.”, he mumbled, nuzzling his head against yours with an airy sigh.

“Today I learnt that Amber Lead Syndrome isn’t contagious. Poison?”

“Uh-huh.”, Rosinante clicked his tongue, letting you back down, “Thanks for being so nice to him. He needs it.”

“I can imagine. Poor boy. He’s got that look, you know?”

He tilted his head, his fringe falling into his eyes – a sight that suddenly made you nostalgic.

“The look you had in your eyes when we met. Sad and broken.”, you confessed –

– and Law’s heart stopped for a moment.

“I’ll help you find a way to help him. Don’t know how, but… I will.”

“I love you.”, Rosinante whispered, running his hands down your sides.

You were at peace… finally. Even if times will definitely get a lot rougher from now on.

Law was about to tip-toe back into your bedroom, but you spoke up again, making his breath hitch in fear.

“Love you, too. Let’s wash off your eye make-up, Rosi.”

“About that…”

“Face paint?”

“So…”

“You didn’t get a tattoo.”

“…”

“God help you once Sengoku finds out. He’s going wish you never enlisted.”

Rosinante smirked, stealing yet another kiss from you.

Law could just watch you… – mildly disgusted – but mostly trying to hold back sobs and whimpers. You… you were so kind, as kind as Cora-san. You didn’t let your prejudiced mind treat him badly, you would have accepted infection if it meant that little boy would be at ease around you. You touched him without fear…

And you were both marines.

It… didn’t make any sense, but… what did make sense at this point? Two marines were now taking care of him as if he were one of their own so maybe there was a cure waiting for him after all.

…What a silly thought!

But he didn’t embrace death anymore.

[jjkeverlast]

seven days a week | jjk

✦ pairing fwb!jk x fem!reader

✦ rating explicit (+18)

✦ summary jeon jeongguk has always had crazy ideas, but wanting to fuck you every day of the week was the last thing you expected.

✦ warning & tags college AU, smut, pwp, rimjob (f. receiving), doing it against a dorm desk, protected sex (wrap it up!), jeongguk’s seriously hooorny idk how reader keeps up w him…

✦ word count 1.3k

✦ author’s note this is a re-upload, if you’ve seen this before, this is why:)

masterlist | next chapter

“This better be important.” You say as soon as the call connects, Jimin’s face plastered onto your phone screen. 

“Oh come on. Can’t I just hear how my favorite girl is doing?” Jimin speaks lightly, almost ironically and you just know he wants something. 

“Jimin, what do you want?” You respond sternly. 

Jimin gasps, offended by you saying such a thing. 

“Just spill it—“ Before Jimin can get another word out, someone steps into your dorm. You think it’s your roommate, not bothering to look until the person is standing in frame. 

“Oh. Hey Jimin.” Jeongguk greets, hovering over you, his hands on your desk. 

“Hi Jeongguk! Wait— Jeongguk?!” Jimin is about to scream when you scramble to hang up. 

“Gotta go!” You hang up abruptly. Jeongguk raises an eyebrow at how you immediately end the call. 

“Does he not know about us?” You sigh, slumping back in your chair. 

“There is no us, Jeon.” You remind him. “Also, why are you here?” 

Jeongguk chuckles, pecking your lips. “To fuck you, like promised.” 

Oh fuck, you almost forgot his stupid idea. Jeongguk? Well he hasn’t thought about anything else than fucking you silly since he left your dorm yesterday. 

“You’re insane.” You get up, pushing him a bit away, feeling flustered by the close proximity. 

“You’re not opposed to it. So, come here.” He bites his lip, both of his piercings peaking through the dimmed lighting. You don’t move, so Jeongguk grabs you by the waist, inviting your chests to bump against each other in a hard thump. 

“Much better.” He whispers, diving in to give you an actual kiss. There’s something terrible when it comes to Jeongguk when he kisses you, you can never stop. You become fully addicted to how his tongue runs smoothly above your lips before tangling it with your own. Jeongguk tastes sweet, exciting and overall good. Just something that’s hard for you to keep yourself away from. 

Your hands move towards the nap of his neck, fiddling with the long black strands that curl slightly. His hair is awfully soft, addicting to pull and touch whenever you can. Jeongguk loves when you become all touchy, embracing his form in front of you, your hands in need of being everywhere when you’re together. 

Jeongguk moans inside of your mouth, feeling himself getting worked up over how you touch him. You smile against his lips, loving how you’re able to get noises out of his mouth. Jeongguk pushes you backwards so you land on top of your desk. You don’t ask questions, instead you pull away, tracing your fingers on his lips while you settle yourself down on your desk, spreading your legs for him. 

“You’re gonna be the death of me.” Jeongguk mumbles under his breath, moving forward and groping your ass to push you against him while his tongue and mouth runs on your exposed neck. You let out a satisfied hum, running your hands beneath his shirt to feel his warm skin against your palms. 

Jeongguk moves upwards, nipping down on your earlobe before he removes you from the desk, turning you around so he’s faced with your ass. You glance behind you, catching Jeongguk ogling your backside, licking his lips as he just stands there and watches. 

“Are you just going to look or are you going to do something?” You ask, spoiling that you’re impatient. 

“I’m definitely going to just look. Fuck—“ You begin to laugh, stunned by how much Jeongguk loves admiring your body. It does give you some form of confidence, mostly because he’s the first to truly appreciate every curve and edge of your naked body. It’s definitely something you need to get used to. You’re getting there though, somehow. 

“Fine.” You respond coldly, hurrying the process by removing your clothes while Jeongguk stands behind you. Jeongguk curses under his breath when you bend forward, removing your underwear and sweatpants. 

“You’re actually going to kill me.” You stifle a laugh at the comment, feeling exposed but still comfortable because this is Jeongguk. The guy who constantly praises and loves ruining you in the best ways possible. 

He’s not saying anything, so you turn your head and— Oh. Jeongguk is undressing in a hurry, almost tripping over himself when he removes his pants. 

“You okay?” 

“Mhm.” Finally, Jeongguk touches you. He starts off easy, just letting his palm roam on your back and ass. You push towards him, needing more. Jeongguk loves this side of you, there’s something about you silently begging that sets him off completely making him lose his cool — which he easily can control. But no, ever since he met you, he hasn’t been able to tease you like he’s always wanted, needing you as much as you need him. 

He places his tattooed hand to your front, rubbing your clit as he pushes his erection on your ass, allowing you to feel how hard he already is. You moan by the sensation, dropping your head backwards on his shoulder, your hand tugging in his hair whenever you feel the pleasure grow in your gut. 

“Already so wet.” He bites your ear, his fingers touching every inch of your wet slit. “I bet you can take it already, so easily.” He says in a lustful tone, almost hinting that he’ll just slide it right in when he’s become completely impatient. 

“Fuck me, Jeon.” You breathe out on his cheek, arching under his touch. 

Jeongguk doesn’t hesitate, putting on a condom behind you before he lines himself by your entrance. He teases you by thrusting in between your lips, making you feel the edges of his cock. You expect him to fuck you right here, but Jeongguk has another thing in mind before he does exactly that. 

Instead, he drops down on his knees, spreading out your ass and tracing his lips on your rim. 

“Shi—“ You gasp, clutching tightly on the edges of your desk, loving the wet sensation he’s welcoming. 

Jeongguk and his tongue are gonna fucking end you. 

To add stimulation, you start rubbing your clit in circles, imagining it’s Jeongguk’s fingers instead. Jeongguk quickly notices how you’re touching yourself and grows more wild, rubbing his nose on the curve of your ass and his tongue diving deep inside of you. 

“F-Fuck—“ You stutter, too overwhelmed and losing your composure. Jeongguk doesn’t continue, instead he stands back up, steadying his cock by your entrance. 

“You want it baby? Hmm?” He teases, rubbing it between your cheeks. When you can’t form a simple yes, Jeongguk slides in with ease, stretching you out. Once he’s bottomed out, he begins to move, placing his hand around your neck and pressing lightly. 

The sounds of skin slapping each other grows louder with each thrust, Jeongguk fucking you absolutely silly. You can’t even think, too immersed with how he feels inside of you, his cock moving in and out of you. 

You blame it on all the teasing he’s done, because before you know it, you’re already coming undone. Every limb of yours goes numb, while Jeongguk continues to chase his own high. 

With one last thrust, Jeongguk grabs your breasts, squeezing as he comes undone. He groans loudly, his voice becoming hoarse. 

You both try and catch your breaths, Jeongguk leaning his forehead on the nape of your neck, his cock still inside of you, softening by the second. 

“That was…” 

“Yeah.” Jeongguk agrees despite you not finishing your sentence. 

“Five more days to go.” He whispers against your neck, pulling out gently. 

“You’re insane.” You breathe out, taking your palm to wipe out the sweat forming on your forehead. 

“Shut up. You love it.” 

Maybe you do. 

“Want you to pick what we do tomorrow.” Jeongguk says, while dressing up. 

Oh this is gonna be fun. 

“It’s a deal. See you tomorrow.” You throw him a wink while pulling your shirt over your head. 

[purplebutwarhammer]

I Bet On Losing Dogs but I made it a shitty analysis about Curze

My baby, my baby

You're my baby, say it to me

Baby, my baby

Tell your baby that I'm your baby

He wants to be acknowledged as part of the family, he said himself that he never hated his brothers truly and that he even loved some of them. Their perceived hatred of him had a profound affect on him, and perhaps if someone had reminded them that he was their brother too things could have been different

I bet on losing dogs

I know they're losing and I'll pay for my place by the ring

He’s both the losing dog and the person by the ring. He’s the dog in that by becoming a self fulfilling prophecy he’s setting himself up to lose, and he knows this but doesn’t stop he keeps going to the ‘ring’ because he doesn’t know anything else. He’s the person by the ring when his sons are framed as the dogs, he’s just watching his legion get worse he foresaw what they would become ie he knows that they’re losing them selves but he just stays ring side and doesn’t intervene as stepping in would mean changing the fate he believes is set in stone. He’s paying for his place in a literal sense with both his mind and body, his deterioration is the physical trade off for what he’s choosing to do.

Where I'll be looking in their eyes when they're down

I'll be there on their side

In his novel Curze says “This is you as father and I as son. When we are fathers, we must be strong. When we are sons, we can be weak, for our own fathers are strong for us. I believe that’s the way it’s supposed to work.” To me this reads like he had tried at one time or another to be strong for his sons but ultimately failed for various reasons (perhaps that’s one of the reasons he tried to get better for as long as he was able to). In the end he could only be there for them in the literal sense he stayed and he watched what became of them, they still fell in the various senses of the word but they had a witness and believed they were serving their Primarch and that’s all he could do for them.

I'm losing by their side

He’s loosing at his legions side, but he doesn’t step in to help the ‘dogs’ instead he just lets it happen. He’s caught in a vicious downwards spiral that only drags more people in the further he goes, he keeps them at his side but at great cost to everyone involved.

Will you let me, baby, lose on losing dogs?

I know they're losing and I'll pay for my place by the ring

Where I'll be looking in their eyes when they're down

I wanna feel it

I bet on losing dogs

I always want you when I'm finally fine

This can be both symbolic of his time trying to act as a lord of men should and his time being the Night Haunter. Whenever he’s doing well he constantly has the urge to maim and torture the unjust to enact indiscriminate ‘justice’ where he sees necessary. He’s fine in a literal sense he’s fed, clean, and in good health but he wants the comfort that comes with being the Night Haunter, the comfort that comes with acting on instinct and being what he believes he was made to be rather than what others believe he was made to be. On the flip side when he’s embraced being a monster he hates himself, he’s fine in that he’s acting as he thinks he must and that he doesn’t need to fight himself to pretend to be what Konrad Curze was expected to be but he deep down wants to be anything but. Part of him wants to be the shining example that he maybe could have been, to be someone who could be loved in spite of it all, but he knows that it’s an unattainable dream so he becomes the exact opposite in the hopes that their hatred and disgust won’t hurt as much when it’s inevitable.

How you'd be over me

Looking in my eyes when I come

This links back to him being a witness to his sons become what he knew they’d be, part of him wants someone to do the same for him. Someone to witness his struggles and validate them, someone to look at him and see what’s happening, someone who’ll nod and understand.

Someone to watch me die

Someone to watch me die

Is this not the statue of The Emperor? He just wanted someone to listen to him and he only ever got to reach out when he was about to die. The story he told The Emperor was him having his father watch him die in a more symbolic sense, it was a progression of Konrads spiral laid out in front of him like evidence at trial. It was the death of The Emperors plans for him and it was Konrad committing the murder of any idea that he could have been different or that anyone involved was blameless. Konrad was showing that whatever he would or should have been had already been dead for a very long time, and that The Emperor just standing ringside without ever truly intervening in everything that contributed to this.

I bet on losing dogs