#he mourned for Buck while he was in a coma

[warpedpuppeteer]

Something something Tommy saying it's never great to date people you've saved but something something Buck's coma dream confirming that without Buck, Eddie would have lost control and spiraled and lost Chris. Something something he dove under a truck ladder after being crushed by one under a hail of bullets just to drag Eddie to safety. Something something he tried to dig through 40 ft of mud with his bare hands to get to a trapped Eddie. Something something he introduced Carla to Eddie and helped him be the best father Eddie can be to Chris. Something something he assured Eddie his son will be safe at school and then drove him over to see him after the earthquake. Something something he dropped everything in the middle of the night to come help Eddie when he had a breakdown and helped Chris calm down and tuck him in and stayed for Eddie to help him through it. Something something he brought Eddie to equine therapy so that Eddie can see with his own eyes what impact he has as a firefighter and to realize his worth. Something something he helped Eddie realize that he's living a lie with Ana and that he's simply stringing her along w/o loving her. Something something Chris and Eddie being upset they can't spend Christmas together and Buck arranges a surprise Christmas party at the firehouse for Eddie's little family. Something something Buck getting pissed when the prisoners threatened Chris. Something something Buck running straight into what could have been a hostile situation because he heard a gunshot and all he thought of was Eddie. Something something he didn't think twice before jumping into the water and spent hours looking for Eddie's son, Eddie's heart and reason, Eddie's everything, despite being injured and on blood thinners and barely being able to stand up.

So yeah, maybe it's not a great idea to be with someone who you saved once but what about someone you keep saving?? Someone who you would never even think twice about abandoning?? Someone who also saves you constantly by being in your life??

[buddierecs]

angst buddie fics

all mature rating!!! make sure to kudos/comment on these amazing works :)

leave the light on (i'll be coming home) by: hmslusitania "an accident on a call leaves buck with custody of chris after eddie is... missing presumed. while they navigate their new family circumstances -- and fight to stay together, despite eddie's parents' best efforts -- a john doe wakes up in a coma ward with no memory of his own life beyond the knowledge he has a son named christopher and, somehow, he needs to get home." word count: 44k important tags: amnesia, mourning, grief, hurt/comfort, getting together, happy ending tomorrow will always and forever now be today (tomorrow is our always and forever) by: withmeornotatall "eddie gets trapped in a time loop on the day buck marries natalia" word count: 43k important tags: time loop, minor buck/natalia, weddings, love confessions five minutes by: onelonely_tortillachip "after the lawsuit, buck decides to take a small vacation to take a break from the stress of coming to work each day to a group of people who can't forgive him. he decides to fly back to wyoming to the ranch he worked on as a younger man. but the flight he is scheduled to take doesn't make it to its destination" word count: 71k important tags: post-lawsuit, emotional hurt/comfort, airplane crashes, found family, depression, oblivious!evan buckley, grief, survivors guilt i'll feel you forget me like i used to feel you breathe by: turningthepages "a car accident leaves eddie without ten years of memories. he forgets meeting buck, falling in love, getting married, and bringing two more kids into their life. as eddie struggles to adjust to this new life, buck struggles with being in love with someone who doesn't want to remember him. oh, and they have really cute kids." word count: 128k important tags: amnesia, car accidents, hurt/comfort, married!buddie, hurt!eddie diaz, insecure!evan buckley, slice of life, future fic when it comes back to you by: gisellelash "the one where eddie and buck meet when they work together on eddie’s uncle’s ranch, and again when eddie walks into the 118 eight years later." word count: 21k important tags: different first meetings au, first love, internalised homophobia, second chance, emotional hurt/comfort, mental health, soft!buddie, boys in love both blade and branch by: daisies_and_briars "the chances of being struck by lightning twice are incredibly minute, but buck still manages to pull it off. during a double date with marisol and natalia, nonetheless. eddie manages to resuscitate him, but as buck recovers from yet another trauma, eddie can’t help but notice there’s something very different about him. he’s not quite sure what version of buck he got back." word count: 62k important tags: paranormal elements, slow burn, hurt!evan buckley, eventful comfort, emotionally hurt!eddie diaz like when the sun came out by: spaceprincessem "buck can see ghosts au" word count: 39k important tags: ghost au, hurt/comfort, mentions of suicide, happy ending, boys in love, getting together the light's been out through, baby by: hattalove "six months after the near-fatal shooting of a member of the lafd, footage of the incident surfaces on social media." word count: 15k important tags: shooting, minor buck/taylor, getting together alone again tonight with you by: woodchoc_magnum "in which eddie and ana are dating, buck is secretly in love with him, and christopher isn't handling it well." word count: 37k important tags: pre-relationship, pining, team as family, jealousy, season 4 standing on the brink of emptiness by: woodchoc_magnum "in which eddie is struggling in the aftermath of being shot, learning how to take care of himself and realising he's in love with buck; and buck is dating taylor, taking care of eddie and christopher and trying to figure out why he's so goddamn confused about everything." word count: 70k important tags: season 4, injury recovery, ptsd, slow burn, minor buck/taylor, pre-relationship, getting together

[papabearbobbynash]

Hi,

Do you think there should be more love shown to Bobby when he was in a coma? I mean when Buck was in a coma even May, Athena, and Chris was there. Everyone came to see Buck. But when Bobby was in a coma no one wait beside him only Athena? It would be great if May continue telling Bobby she loves him like when she told Bobby when Buck was in a coma. Maybe that would be the push for Bobby to wake up. His (step) daughter asking him to come back home to their family. What if there was an interaction between Buck and May beside his bed and them discussing that Bobby is basically their dad. Even Harry, remember when Michael was asking the family about proposing to David, Harry said that he now had 3 dads so Harry sees Bobby as his father too. Have the kids interact with each other would be great. Since Bobby's main guilt is about losing his kids. It would shown that in this life he has kids too though not his biologicaly. Maddie and Karen were not in the hospital. It seems like nobody cares about Bobby even though Bobby has always been the anchor to them. It's sad actually. Instead of the date with Tommy, Tommy could've supported Buck by showing up in the hospital.

Hi

there were many questionable decisions on this episode regarding Bobby and I definitely think the biggest problem was the lack of emotion of a dramatic situation they build up for three weeks.

They promoted the hell out of Bobby being in danger in this finale and when it reached the moment for them to gut wreck us, they cut most part of it (Athena in his bedside almost crying, Eddie praying on his bedside while Buck looks almost catatonic). Not to count the complete wtf decisions regarding it other decisions, such as May and Harry not being there for the painful part? When the actors are in the episode and we know it's hard for Corinne to be on the episodes due schedule with her college? Not a single solo scene with any of the 118 who lost their shit before for way lighter injuries Bobby had? Buck "almost lost my dad" thought turning into a sexual joke? Really??

The fact Athena was out hunting whoever done it, I get it, because i expected it end on that. People who expected Athena to do different don't know her character well tbh. The moment she heard from the doctors that Bobby's heart stopped for 14 minutes, she already lost hope, she thought he wasn't waking up from that, and she had lost him. With that? She wouldn't sit there and watch him die for nothing, because in her mind this wouldn't do anything good for Bobby. She already went through that with Emmet and she definitly wouldn't wait 30 years to catch the culprit. This time she had to do something even though it's completely a bad call from her part, because its mostly a coping mechanism to shield her from the pain she is feeling while trying to compensate for the guilt (into believing Amir was the culprit when she invited him in their house + her last words for her husband being on a argument) and to mask her pain. So this part i get it, even if her ways of doing it are definitely not the best to watch. From Athena's part i think we got enough emotion, even if misdirected, however it could have been better. (Forever mourning the promo scene not making to the final cut)

Overall I don't think they made Bobby unimportant (Considering the "goodbye montage" makes it clear he is that much important even if himself doesn't see it). The problem of the whole hospital moments is they writing ooc scenes that don't feel genuinely the character we've watched so far (except for Athena, personally she was totally in character) in the middle of a rushed episode that did not need to be rushed.

Heck they could have left Bobby's life hanging till the premiere. They had the perfect chance of a wrecking cliffhanger if that is what they wanted. They didn't need to worry about being cancelled with such an unfinished story line.

It would stress the hell out of me, but would have killed as a starting anchor to the next season, because it's literally an emotional disaster for the team. It would also allow certain breath in the finale for Athena's character, May and Harry presence could be more meaningful and not only after the turmoil and we could have scenes with the team and Bobby as well.

Instead we got that.. Anyway, it had some bathena moments, but this was underwhelming after all that build up. And i definitely think this episode should have been more emotional. Like allow the audience to feel the pain of the situation before rush to solve it?

Thank you for the ask, and sorry for the venting.

[stylespresleyhearted]

wish upon a star, to follow where you are

(not my gif, credit to creator)

masterlist can be found here.

summary: buck without bucky.

notes: this popped into my head today while working on my benny fic and majors wife two. i had to get it out because it was pounding for freedom. the formatting is a bit weird and any dialogue is written in italics. the love john egan and gale cleven had for one another exceeded any bounds and i wanted to add to that because i find the stories people write of them beautiful. P.S i don’t think bucky and rosie had anything against each other but at the sag panel callum and nate touched on how maybe rosie didn’t particularly care for egan so i wanted to dip my toe into it a bit. ask box is always open if anyone wants to chat mota, callum, austin or my wips.

warnings: minor contemplation of suicide, mourning, depression, major character death, platonic! clegan (squint and you can read between the lines.)

word count: 4.5k

-

It’s Sunday nine a.m, Gale’s eyes have only opened and he’s tired. He’s going to be tired forever.

His eyelids droop, threatening to pull him under but he knows it isn’t an option. The air smells of cinnamon and bacon; the cackling of the sizzling pans are what drew him from his slumber. Sleep wasn’t what he was doing though. It was more of a coma, eyes closed and unable to move an inch of his body but his mind and body awake. Able to hear everything. Able to feel everything still no matter how hard he’s been trying to run from it.

The closet door is swung open. His freshly ironed work suit hanging, waiting.

Responsibilities. Gale has responsibilities and he always vowed to be better than what he had so he has to get up.

His kids deserve better. His wife deserves better.

So he does better; he sits up, rubbing the exhaustion and pain from his eyes. There’s twelve hours left of his day, 720 minutes, 36 seconds before he’s going to have to do it all over again.

There are eight steps between him and his suit. Once it’s on, he has responsibilities to attend to. He has kids to raise. A wife to keep happy and show her how grateful he is to have her. Because he is, truly he is, but being grateful didn’t take away any of the bitterness of everything that has been taken away.

The thought of those things has his throat constricting, aching, yearning to yell and to release the pain.

Men don’t cry, his dad had told him.

Gale had seen men cry many times. Men braver and manlier than his father who served this country and were ripped apart and spit back into society with no guide on how to adapt or to stay alive and learning to adjust to civilian life made Germany and that damn prison camp appear inviting. At least all the soldiers in that camp understood and accepted one another. No judgements were cast.

Bucky would be in that camp.

Gale adjusts, shoving himself back underneath his mountain of covers.

His responsibilities would be there tomorrow.

The suit continues hanging.

-

Monday comes and he does better.

The suit no longer hangs on the door, instead it clings to his body — slim like it had been in the Stalag only this time he isn’t being refused food; he is refusing the food.

It’s the first day of school for his oldest and she clutches his hand all the way to the classroom door, chatting about the plans she has for the day and all the friends she wants to make. She reminds him of someone he knows - someone he knew. It burns his chest to think about a young boy being walked to his class by his single mother, having recently lost his father, and finding it within himself to be the loudest and the funniest and the brightest for the benefit of others.

Gale begs the world to be kind to his little girl. Begs it to keep the peace and prohibit war and keep her safe and rid itself of any pain

He thinks he does a good job smiling at her and keeping her engaged. He amuses all her chatting and assures her that her confidence will be her reality. He refuses to accept anything else. At some point the universe would have to bend for him just a little wouldn’t it?

I’ve tried to be brave. You have taken what I love most. Keep my girls healthy and happy.

All his energy is exerted at school drop off apparently. He gets to work but only lasts close to four hours. The creaking in his chair leads to a headache, his suit rubs against his skin and creates an itch, the sun comes out and shines to bright, time continues on and nobody stops.

The funeral was two weeks ago so people still have sympathy to give. His superior claps him on the shoulder, his peers offer their condolences once more, and then he’s on his way home.

He kept his daughter smiling today and that’s enough for him. Who cares if he wasn’t able to complete eight hours? He was a father before he was anything and he had succeeded today so it had to be enough.

Bucky made him feel enough always.

Gale goes home, dresses for bed, and closes his eyes.

-

His wife gentles him into consiousness. She pets his hair back and whispers his name. She’s smiling at him when he opens his eyes.

His daughter’s back from school and wants to tell him all about her first day, his wife informs him.

Gale nods, promising to join them soon.

She’s smiling but he sees the worry pulling her eyes down, the quivering in her chin as she attempts to maintain her smile.

He didn’t do enough today.

Gale joins his wife and their daughter in the kitchen where she’s biting into a peanut butter and jelly sandwich. She squeals when she sees him, jumping into his arms when he’s close enough.

He stumbles with her weight. When was the last time he’d eaten?

Daddy, she giggles, why are you in your jammies?

He isn’t sure what to say. Because Uncle Bucky died and I’m alone, isn’t appropriate.

Died. Bucky was dead. Gale hadn’t thought about it before.

The ache in his throat and the burning in his chest return. His heart breaks.

Daddy’s being silly, his wife cuts in to save him.

She takes their daughter from his arms. She probably noticed how he began to sway on his feet.

Gale has to be enough.

He puts a cap on it. Shuts it away where it doesn’t threaten to drown him.

How was school, sweetie, he asks.

His daughter beams at having his attention.

Gale remembers someone who did the same.

-

It’s Tuesday and Rosie won’t stop calling.

His wife is out with her girls, their oldest is at school and their youngest is with her grandmother. Gale is wearing a suit because he went to work again only this time he never managed to make it inside so he drove home after an hour.

The phone was ringing when he arrived and he answered afraid, thinking an accident occurred at school.

Major Cleven, he recognized the voice immediately. Us boys been tryin’ real hard to get ahold of you. Benny said, he, uh - well, we all miss John, sir.

Gale hung up the phone.

Rosie was a good man. A good, brave man who had taken the reins and kept their boys in high spirits and kept them safe when Buck and Bucky went down. Rosie looked out for Crosby after he’d lost all his boys. Rosie flew rescue missions with Buck and they talked about the beauty of peace after the horrendous events of war. Flowers now bloomed where bodies had laid rotting.

Rosie was a good man and Gale respected him, but Rosie never liked Bucky. It was nothing malicious or vindictive. Bucky was an all or nothing type of guy and he wasn’t everyone’s cup of tea. Gale knows that. Bucky was either cracking jokes or lending a shoulder. Drinking back a whiskey or chatting up a pretty dame. He was either singing or he was dead.

If he wasn’t singing he was dead.

So Gale respects Rosie and he may have love for Rosie but Rosie didn’t like Bucky and Gale doesn’t want to talk to him.

-

He leaves the house when his wife said she would be back. He walks to an old farm he remembers from when he was young. He pets the horses.

He gets home at six p.m when work is supposed to be over and dinner is ready.

Oh honey you just missed Rosie! He rang, his wife says.

Gale nods his head. I’ll be sure to call him back.

He takes his seat at the head of the table.

How was work, his wife asks.

Just fine, honey, he says, how was your day?

-

It’s Wednesday and Gale holds his baby.

He tells his wife he’s going to stay home today. There’s no need to take their baby anywhere.

Their baby is eight months old and she started teething. She’s a gurgling, content ball of milk fat flesh in his skinny arms.

It’s okay, he tells her. Daddy’s gotchu.

She grins at him, releasing spit that he wipes off her chin. It’s his favorite thing in the world to sniff the inside of her neck: momma’s milk and spit and the fresh baby smell that’s been waning off as she gets bigger.

She’s content in his arms until she isn’t. He keeps his finger in her mouth in an attempt to soothe the ache and the itch in her gums even after his finger begins to burn and the indent of her incoming tooth scratches at his sensitive skin.

He tries to feed her and she cries.

He holds her and she cries.

He hands her toys and she throws them and she cries.

All she can do is cry and Gale understands. There’s no ache in his gums but there’s one lodged deep in his chest that refuses to go away and he understands.

You cry it out, he tells his baby. Daddy will stay with you.

Gale fixes them on the couch, her tucked in tight between the cushion and his chest. She clutches his hand in her tiny ones and moves his finger back in her mouth.

She stops crying and for Gale it’s more than enough.

He’s not sure how long it’s been but they must have fallen asleep together because the shutting of the door and tiny, stomping footsteps wake him.

He calls his oldest daughter over but she huffs in response, making a scene of throwing her school bag before heading upstairs.

The baby stays sleeping and he stands, moving a cushion over to take his place so she isn’t in danger of rolling off.

Honey, he says, what’s wrong?

She’s being awfully quiet but he sees her shoulders shaking.

When his wife turns her eyes are red and she doesn’t bother to wipe away the falling tears.

Bucky had promised her he’d visit her on the first week of school. She asked when today and I told her he wouldn’t be coming anymore and, she’s cut off by sobs racking her body.

Gale finds his oldest in her room, glaring at the door as she waits for one of her parents to come in.

Uncle Bucky is a liar, she accuses before Gale attempts to approach his grumpy child.

Hey. His voice is stern, loud, in a way that it hasn’t been since they left Thorpe Abotts. His baby girl flinches and he remembers the war is over.

Gale apologizes and she deflates, allowing him the spot beside her on her tiny bed. It’s a race car bed with unicorns that Bucky helped her draw.

Uncle Bucky loved you so much, baby, his eyes burn as he speaks, he would be here if he could.

But when, she cries.

Well, baby, he’s up in the sky now. Bucky was raised a strong Catholic by his Ma’ for all his talk of non-belief. Gale was the non believer. He wasn’t sure there was a God or a higher power but he knew there was him and Bucky and that’s all he ever needed.

His baby scrunches her brows together, he’s in the ai’plain again?

And for the first time, Gale laughs.

Yup. He’s back in that B-17.

-

It’s Thursday and Bucky’s dead.

It hits Gale like a freight train. This sense of loss and the shattering in his heart isn’t something to get over; it’s something he has to learn to live with.

He’s going to have to miss John Egan for the rest of his life.

The entire time Gale’s been waiting on Bucky to pop back up, as bruised and dirty and battered as when he entered the stalag. Bucky would crawl from his grave, demolish the expensive tombstone they’d thrown over his body, and cross state lines to get to him. Because Bucky loved him and he had done it once and he would do it again.

But it sinks in that Bucky isn’t coming back. He isn’t visiting for the first week of school and his voice won’t be heard over the receiver ever again and he won’t show up unannounced on random days because he was bored.

Buck had fallen out of the sky and Bucky had followed his route, taken multiple, horrendous detours and managed to chase him down and allow him to return home first.

Now Bucky was dead and Buck had no one that would die for him, only people he would die for.

It’s Thursday and Bucky’s dead and Gale stays in bed, debating if this means it’s his turn to follow his dearest friend.

-

It’s Friday and DeMarco’s worried.

He knocks again, ignoring Brady’s leveling stare. He didn’t care if it wasn’t proper to bang on someone’s door, he needed to make sure Major Cleven was alright.

I’m comin’, I’m comin, he hears grumbling and the lock unhatching and then the door swings open to reveal Gale Cleven.

DeMarco takes a step back, air knocked out at the memories the sight of the state of his Major brings up. The eyebags under his eyes are dark and swollen, his eyes have dimmed of any witty remarks or expressions (maybe because Bucky was gone so he had no one left to dish them to) and DeMarco’s unsure why he appears slimmer than when they were at the stalag. His shoulders are bony, tiny, and his wrists look weak.

A strong gust of air would be able to knock their Major over.

Boys, he greets and at least his voice still sounds strong.

Gale lets them in, allowing them to follow him through his foyer until they’re seated at his kitchen island. Benny arrives last, opting to sit on the arm of the couch across from where Gale and Brady sit together. He sees his Major’s eyes cinch, just for a second and Benny hopes to see fire, wants Gale to curse at him for being improper and sitting on the arm of his couch, but then it’s gone and they sit in silence.

Want a drink, from his left pocket Benny extends a flask towards Gale.

Brady’s eyes widen when he accepts it but he hides the surprised gasp behind a cough into his elbow.

Gale thanks him, then sips.

We’re all gonna miss him, Major, Brady keeps his eyes downcast, picking at his fingernails. When he’d first met Bucky he had been in awe: that’s the kind of man he wanted to be like as a kid. Through the war the walls had begun to crack and Brady had seen the faults in the persona of his favorite Major but he’d never stopped being in awe of the leader he was.

Now Brady was allowed to mourn but he couldn’t do it in front of Major Cleven, who had lost much more.

You boys take a wrong turn, Gale asks and doesn’t address Brady’s comment.

Brady looks up now, locking eyes with DeMarco. There’s a connection between a pilot and his co-pilot that exceeds one’s personal stubbornness and pain.

Benny and Buck had dropped from a plane together the same way Brady and Bucky had.

Rosie’s been trynna call you, Benny says. He said his calls stopped going through. I tried calling and it was the same thing.

Had the line disconnected, Gale says and not much else.

Benny nods, Well that’s why we’re down here, Buck. Bucky wouldn’t want to see ya like this.

Good thing dead people can’t see, DeMarco.

God and those resting see all, Brady chimes in and chooses to ignore the warning look sent to him by Benny. He respects Buck and the man he is but that doesn’t mean he would sit idly by and allow disrespect to his beliefs.

For a second DeMarco’s afraid they’re going to be kicked out of the house. Buck’s shoulders tense, a skinny elbow balanced on a bony knee and the hand holding the flask is in a white knuckle tight grip but then it is gone.

Buck deflates, a head nod in Brady’s direction an apology unspoken.

Drove Bucky mad whenever you refused to eat in the camp, Benny reminisces, He’d shove his half eaten tuna can at me to hand to you. He always said you’d never take it from him because you would go as mad as him if he refused to eat.

It was the way of their major’s. The way it had been from the first day at flight school and how it had ended in East Anglia. And their closeness never brought on suspicions or raised any eyebrows because everyone was always much too thankful to the two men who did their best to bring them home alive and sane.

‘Member when he traded his first blanket for a bar of chocolate, Brady says and even Buck cracks a smile which accompanies his head shake. He’d been so angry he had stormed back to the Polish sector and demanded they return Bucky’s blanket. The price was much too high.

The Polish soldier settled with Bucky’s beanie and that night, once he was curled in his bunk wrapped up in a blanket and beanie down covering his ears, Bucky’s grumbling about how his head was cold kept him up.

Damn blanket hog, Gale adds. The blankets always ended up wrapped around Bucky and Bucky ended up wrapped around Buck, like an even exchange.

From his right pocket Benny produces another flask. Brady shakes his head in disapproval, but accepts it when offered.

To Major Egan, he clanks his flask against Buck’s in cheers.

Their sentiments echo in the empty house. They sit telling stories about a prison camp like friends around a campfire sharing school stories.

It’s evening when the boys leave. Gale hasn’t lost his smile for the past two hours and all they had done was talk about Bucky. Gale remembered everything they said, but only once Brady or DeMarco said it. The memories he had of Bucky being kept at bay like he was afraid they would cripple and ruin him if he dared to remember.

News said there’s gonna be shooting stars lighting up the sky tomorrow, Brady shares. He always loved those.

-

It’s Saturday night and Gale lays on the grass in his backyard. When Brady had excused himself to use the restroom, DeMarco had offered him some sleeping pills, prescribed by some head shrink in Chicago that he was 90% sure DeMarco had admitted to sleeping with during a phone call once.

Only one when the nights get too heavy, he had said.

Gale had accepted them but there had been no plans on taking them until he’d been tossing and turning and had taken himself to the couch so he wouldn’t wake his wife.

He had been tossing and turning on the couch when he remembered what Brady had said about the shooting stars. He swallowed a pill and brought a blanket to lay on the grass.

But that had been over an hour ago and sleep hadn’t come and neither had any shooting star.

It’s when he’s getting up, dragging the blanket with him, that he sees light cross the sky quickly. Followed by a twin shadow soon after and he’s unsure of how many he has so he wishes fast with his eyes closed.

I wish for Bucky.

He stands there in the darkness of his yard, silent except for the crickets, and waits. Waits. Waits.

Bucky doesn’t come strolling by and Gale gives up. Hopeless and ashamed for believing in wishing upon a star. For believing he would be allowed to bend the ways of the universe like Bucky used to.

Bucky made things happen.

Gale heads inside.

-

It’s two a.m and Gale’s unsure of how long he’s been asleep but there is someone poking his cheek and calling his name.

Buck. Buck.

Gale’s humming but this person is consistent in their prodding. They don’t want just his response, they require his attention.

Buck.

He opens his eyes and Bucky’s there. Wrinkly smile, bright blue eyes, mustache and all - his Major’s hat tipped to the side.

What took you so long, he smirks.

And Gale smiles a real smile for the first time since he got that phone call. It threatens to split his face. He looks like an idiot, cheesing as hard as he is and if he weren’t so afraid Bucky would disappear he would reach out to touch him.

Stone in my shoe, Gale returns.

They’re back on base in East Anglia, watching the bombs fall after having snuck out the bunker.

Gale feels young, twenty-two again before the effects of war managed to catch up to him.

Unable to stop himself from reaching out, Buck claps a hand on Bucky’s back. He is warm and solid. He isn’t rotten and cold six feet under.

Give it to me straight, Bucky starts, the Yankees have a turn around this season?

There’s a teasing glint in his eye. He’s so sure Buck doesn’t have the answer but,

Lost to the Red Sox. Cardinals are taking it. The game had come on over the radio and Buck hadn’t changed the station.

Bucky curses, but he looks amused, looking back at Buck.

So all I had to do was die to get ya’ to listen to a game huh, he admonishes.

Dead? Gale freezes, you’re right here with me.

Bucky looks back at him to check if he’s joking, another bomb landing much closer and illuminating the shadows on his face. The curve of his jaw and the sharp lines of his nose.

This ain’t where I stay, Buck. Just asked the Big Guy for a weekend pass, he raises a thin brow.

Buck doesn’t have anything to say to that and he can’t find it in himself to muster a smile at the joke.

He thought time had turned back. That they had a chance to do it all over again only this time he would limit the drinks and the smokes and the women and the pain Bucky consumed and then his heart wouldn’t give out on him.

When John offered an invite to London, Buck would accept it this time.

He would do it right.

It was always me who couldn’t live without you, Buck. You - you’re gonna be just fine. Strongest man I know.

Everyone found it easy to assume because John was always shameless and loud in his adoration of Buck. He was never afraid to pinch his cheeks — soft and plump like a pretty girl’s flesh — and he had a habit of grabbing at Buck’s thigh when he sat beside him — need to do something with my hands — and use any opportunity to sing his praises — now Buck he’s a damn good pilot; he’s a fighter pilot who happens to fly a bus. Buck had gotten shot down in enemy territory and Bucky had commanded an entire flight plan in order to follow him.

But Buck — he was the one who couldn’t be without John. Who saved him the seat beside him at every table and saved his rarest smiles for John because they made him feel special. It was Buck who saw the Air Exec post was killing him and requested he be demoted. Buck had paced the entirety of the camp and was led to his bunk with a rifle to his back every night until John arrived.

He had been glad when John arrived because then he wasn’t alone. Then Buck had John.

And John would have never wished for Buck to be in the Stalag if the roles were reversed; he would have been shot down in an attempt to keep him from entering the gates.

John was selfless with his love for Buck; Gale’s love for Bucky is selfish.

Always told you to take better care of that heart, Gale says. He had said it in regard to the skirts he chased and to the boys he led and he had said it the first day they met when Bucky handed his heart to his namesake.

I wouldn’t do anything different, John returns. I had a good run of it. How are my girls?

Buck thinks of Jo and Annie and Katie and how he hadn’t bothered to call or check on them and recoils in shame.

How was the first week of school, John asks instead.

Buck stutters then tells him of how upset his oldest had gotten when Uncle Bucky never arrived.

She’s gonna be a tough one, John smirks. She’ll be fine, I left her with some tips on how to deal with any mean bastards.

Bucky, he warns.

Bucky shrugs.

Call Jo will ya? Annie was giving her a hard time, she’s at that age. Tell ‘er the tickets to the pony show are inside my shirt drawer, Gale gives him an eyebrow raise and Bucky shrugs again, The girls wanted to see unicorns so. That’s what I got. The unicorn’s cousin.

You’re ridiculous.

Call Jo ya hear me?

I hear you, Bucky. I promise.

Good, Bucky relaxes back to continue watching. It should be criminal for mass destruction to create such beautiful colors. And book a flight down there too. I need you to pick up my lucky deuce. The Yankee’s luck needs a Buck.

Gale shakes his head, Aw hell, John. But he’s smiling through the demands.

That’s the way it has been since the day they met.

Buck, tie my shoe.

Buck, help me fly this plane.

Buck, fix the collar of my jacket.

Buck, help me trim my mustache. Can't get it straight.

Buck was given Bucky’s name and a list of demands but all they did was help him feel enough.

Buck would be enough.

Thanks for visitin’, John says. Get more rest, it’ll give us time to catch up.

All I do is sleep, Gale admits, disappointed. He thinks of his wife’s sad eyes every time she sees him in bed.

Nah. You close your eyes but you don’t sleep.

Benny gave me pills, Gale admits. Took one tonight and then I wished on a shooting star.

Bucky clucks his tongue, You get back and you flush ‘em. And I’m gonna stop by Benny’s tonight and yank him from his bed.

Gale rolls his eyes. Don’t do that. I’ll flush them.

You don’t need no shooting star or funny pills, Gale, John says. All you gotta do is ask me to come and I’ll be here.

Buck settles back against the wall and allows the silence to envelop them.

-

It’s Sunday nine a.m, Gale’s eyes have only open and Bucky’s still dead,

Gale wakes, gets ready for the day, and calls Jo.

[eddiediazismyhusband]

hii, asking you because you’re my fav haha, but im wondering if there has been any fics where buck is in his coma after the lightening strike and instead dreams of a very domestic life with eddie, but because he’s hurt (it’d be assuming that he still got struck by lightening but never went into a comma (idk how possible that is)) eddie is refraining from engaging in anything sexually intimate but is still doing small stuff like giving him kisses on his forehead and cheek and holding his hand across the table. and buck is confused but also very content and happy so instead of questioning it out loud, he just enjoys it while it lasts. and then after like a couple of days, eddie makes a suggestive comment about how buck seems to be recovering nicely and maybe touches him in a very romantic way that has buck freaking out. so he asks maddie or something what’s going on with eddie just to find out theyre married. and buck is like???? and then he wakes up on his way back to talk to eddie about it. now he’s awake in the hospital and even more confused because he starts to mourn the life he thought he had and that’s his feelings realization…

very specific, ik, but i’ve been thinking about it for like a month now and need it in my life!!!

unfortunately i cannot think of any specific ones… idk why but i haven’t read a lot if coma-dream fics?? and the ones i have read are typically canon-compliant in the way that his dream is still the same (or their amnesia fics but those don’t really ever show the dream part lmao but anyway)

I will have to be in the lookout for ones like this now bc that is such a good concept, and i would really enjoy reading that so if anyone knows sny like this and wants to drop them in the replies/reblogs 👀👀👀

[lovecolibri]

Okay, so I almost said this around episode 4, but held off and then it got MORE, now I kinda HAVE to but...Not to discredit the handful of important moments to come out of s5-6 but s7 really felt so much like you could skip from s4 right to s7. Like, the Bobby and Athena needing to actually TALK to each other instead of just expertly managing chaos together storyline that got dropped was back, Hen and Karen are working on adopting a little girl, Maddie and Chim are together and working on wedding plans, Eddie is trapped with someone he's trying to make Too Serious Too Fast because he thinks he knows what he is supposed to do for his son, and Buck is dating someone with the initials TK that he met in a helicopter and kissed him in a moment of surprise while he was worrying about Eddie.

AND THEN!! Oliver came out and said with his whole chest that FOX shut down this kind of storyline a couple years ago, and s5-6 had a different showrunner, and now Tim is back and picking up where he left off and IDK what the point of this is except we were RIGHT. The comment from TK in the LS crossover was something!! The shooting being framed Like That was SOMETHING!! The way Buck and Eddie look at each other IS SOMETHING. And Oliver and Ryan know it, and HAVE known it, and they were trying so hard to the point Oliver was already going to go full rogue this season.

And YES it's good to know! It's good to be validated that despite what KR said, we were NOT just seeing things. But it also hurts to look at all the time and storylines we lost, and for WHAT? Eddie cut out of his own shooting arc and it wrapped up with no recovery. Eddie's breakdown sidelined and tacked onto the end of an episode to make room for a side character even the GA didn't want. Eddie excluded from the coma!Buck arc almost entirely while the narrative of that episode tried to eat itself trying to be about bio family above all while also found family is family, and Buck is choosing to live for himself while also saying everyone is worse off and it's his fault for not being there because the storyline it SHOULD have been didn't exist.

I just....I'm vindicated, but also SO mad. Seething. Because money hungry execs looking at spreadsheets making calls about art and how the storyteller should change things will never NOT get me ready to throw hands.

RIP post shooting Buddie canon, you will always be famous. We're getting another shot at this, but it doesn't mean we can't mourn what we lost (or what we had to endure for no reason).

[singlethread]

ok i finished 911, and now that i have can you tell me more about the buck and eddie vision with any spoilers you might have been avoiding before

Okay so first lemme link you to my PowerPoint that’s goes through season 2 up the 6.09

And honestly the second half of season 6 is what has really stepped on the gas. When Buck got struck Eddie lost all sense of self preservation and just had to get to Buck, has to make sure he was okay. He ran up the ladder after just getting struck himself, without his line secured, while screaming Buck’s name. Then we he got there he tried to pull Buck up to him before realizing he was too heavy. Then he’s so quick to get back down to them, Bobby has to force Eddie away from Buck while chim is coding him and Bobby makes Eddie drive.

Then in the next episode Eddie switches out with chim and it’s actually Eddie to start Buck’s heart again, this show has had a lot of subtext and parallels when it comes to hearts and the fact that Eddie was the one to get his partners beating again just makes me scream. Then when the doctors say they’ll do their best it’s Eddie who yells at them desperately to “do more.” While Buck is in his coma Eddie is seen in all black like a mourning spouse when Christopher insists on seeing Buck. Eddie then sneaks his son into the icu to see Buck and then he can barely even look at Buck just lying there, and Hen has to take over explaining while Eddie just silently cries. The people closest with Buck were the ones who really struggled to look at him and those people were Maddie and Eddie. They just constantly frame Eddie so differently with Buck as opposed to the other members of the firefam.

A lot of us also believe that Buck didn’t see Eddie in his coma world because he might not have been able to leave, because with Eddie is his home, his safe space. It’s shown to be canon when Maddie keeps sending over babysitters for Buck. Buck could’ve gone anywhere or even just locked his door with a note pasted on it. But no, when Buck was overwhelmed by the world and his place in it, he went to Eddie’s and fell asleep before Eddie could even come back with a beer.

Couches are another explicit metaphor in season 6 which was established when Buck said he didn’t want to pick the wrong couch again. Then he chose himself by positioning his arm chair in the center of the room. Well then his mom came and forced a couch on him, an uncomfortable one he can’t seem to sleep on, but the couch he did manage to sleep on was Eddie’s!

Then we get to the poker date episode of it all. So first of all Eddie and Chris just come to Buck’s apartment to hang out and help Chris with homework and that’s the most married co-parenting shit I’ve ever seen. And when Buck looks at his two boys he just has the most content expression in his face. Then Eddie, knowing that Buck’s been sad, starts little schemes to cheer Buck up! Then they go out together in the nicest suits we have ever seen them in and Buck is just down for anything because its Eddie even though he has absolutely no idea what’s gonna happen. To have that level of trust with someone! Also when they talk about Buck being dead, everyone keeps saying he was dead for three minutes. But it is Eddie that points out that Buck was dead for three minutes and seventeen seconds. This man knows down to the fucking second how long he had to live in a world with Buck in it and that’s some of the most in love shit I’ve ever heard.

Then when Buck starts winning and having a good time Eddie has extreme heart eyes going, literally ducks his head down at one point bc he can’t contain his happiness seeing Buck having fun again. This is the same man who doesn’t let his kid win boggle, meanwhile he’s giggling while Buck beats everyone’s ass at poker. Then when Buck wins it’s just so implicitly understood that they’re partners, when the chief asks Buck how he wants his winnings Buck immediately looks to Eddie because it’s for both of them, same with the money they scammed earlier, Eddie grabs it out of Buck’s hands but there’s no “hey that’s mine” because it’s just understood that it’s the both of theirs.

Then Buck is hanging out with Chris helping him bake cookies for his school (HELLO THATS CHRIS’S OTHER DAD) and then uses the steaks that he and Eddie won together to cook for Christopher and that shit makes me melt so hard because it just does more to establish that they are a complete family unit.

Okay then Pepa starts setting up Eddie on dates and Buck who was ghosted by Abby and knows how much that sucks was just like “lol Eddie what if you ghost her” like sir, your subconscious jealously is showing. Then when Eddie goes on the date and she lets him down and even though he was gonna let her down he spirals about her not wanting him which is just such a queer experience. Then at the end he realizes that Pepa is right, he doesn’t want to be alone. But also he’s clearly not in love with the idea of going out with strangers so hmmm perhaps someone you already know intimately would be a good fit

Then when Buck goes out with natalia Eddie makes his feeling on the matter very clear. He also has a moment of realization that Buck isn’t okay and you can just see how much it affects him and a lot of us at this point believe that Eddie is at least somewhat aware of possible feelings for Buck. But also there’s such a sadness to Eddie because he’s ready for something now, but Buck clearly isn’t.

We also have confirmation that the couch metaphor is gonna keep playing out for the rest of season 6 and we also got another scene of Chris this time sleeping on the couch and it’s framed almost the exact same way as Buck’s scene was.

I just personally have to say I have never felt this was about a ship like this before, like something has truly fucking shifted this season and especially this half of the season. We have had a profound Buck and Eddie moment almost every episode since the lightning strike and that shit means something. This show is so purposeful in everything it does, and season 6 especially has shown that with how many callbacks we’ve gotten to things that happened in earlier seasons.

I just, I really do trust the writers and even if it doesn’t happen it is canon that Buck and Eddie and Christopher are a family unit and I just really love them so much.

[havemybackanyday]

Hahahaha, 6x10 still won’t leave me alone! So here, have a sequel! Suffer with me.

---

A week.

Buck’s been in a coma for a week. Actually, it’s been eight days and… around seven hours, but who’s counting?

Eddie’s in his kitchen. The green glow of the clock on the oven says that it’s 3am. It’s the only light in the room, except for what bleeds through the windows from the streetlights outside. It never gets especially dark in LA—too much going on at any given time, even, apparently, at 3am. It goes on out there, though. Not in here.

Not now.

He can’t sleep. Hasn’t managed more than a couple of hours strung together since… since. Every time he closes his eyes, it’s all he can see on the inside of his eyelids: Buck’s slack face, through a spray of water. Green shadow from his visor staining his cheekbones. Eddie’s gloved hands, straining against a rope that won’t budge. Buck, twisting in the air, or maybe the world spinning around him.

Buck lifted Eddie bodily into a firetruck while covered in Eddie’s blood.

“You saved his life,” Hen said softly, cupping Eddie’s shaking hands between her own. Her voice was cracked, broken. “You did everything you could.”

Eddie kept his eyes on the oval of their joined hands, and the terrible pattern on the hospital waiting room’s linoleum behind them.

“It wasn’t enough.”

He pulled his hands away, went to the bathroom. It occurred to him dully that Hen would think he was shutting her out. In reality, he just needed to puke.

In front of him on the kitchen island, steam curls up out of a mug of tea. Eddie doesn’t drink tea; never really understood what there was to like about it. Coffee actually tastes like something, and it has a job. But Buck drinks tea, sometimes. Late at night. He keeps a box in Eddie’s cabinets, for when he crashes on the couch, which almost seemed to be more often than not, lately. Said it settled his nerves when he was wired.

And what else was there to do in the kitchen at 3am?

Eddie isn’t going to drink it, though. It just… smells like Buck. The scent of Buck feeling safe in Eddie’s house. That’s what settles Eddie’s nerves.

A car passes by outside. Eddie can see the headlights play across the living room ceiling, but the hiss of tires on concrete is muted. It’s too quiet. Everything is too fucking quiet.

Talk to me, Buck.

When had it ever been Eddie begging Buck to speak?

“You wanted to see me, Cap?”

“Eddie. Sit down a minute.”

Bobby had deep, dark circles under his eyes, but he wore his professionalism like armor. Eddie knew a thing or two about that.

His face softened when Eddie sat, though, and that—that couldn’t be a good sign.

Bobby folded his hands on the desk and looked Eddie in the eyes. “If you haven’t already, I think you should make an appointment with Frank.”

Captain Nash, coming out swinging. Eddie straightened his back, squared his shoulders like the soldier he used to be.

“Why? Something about my work not up to scratch? Sir?”

That ‘sir’ was probably uncalled for.

“No… No, Eddie. I…” Bobby paused, and then let out a sigh that seemed to deflate his whole body. He slumped back into his chair and fixed Eddie with a look.

“I’m sorry. That didn’t come out the way I wanted it to.”

Eddie held himself rigid as Bobby’s eyes searched him. Eddie knew he wore signs of stress like a mourning band: stubble, wrinkled shirt, set of dark circles to rival Bobby’s. But his captain’s eyes were sad, not sharp, and his face was pale. He looked exhausted.

The prickle of Eddie’s anger fizzled instantly.

“I’m sorry too. I’m…” He pressed his fingers into his eyes and huffed a laugh that wasn’t. “I’m not at my best.”

“I know, Eddie. None of us are, but…”

The silence stretched out between them. Eddie opened his eyes, and the look on Bobby’s face punched the breath out of his chest. It was the same look he wore when a call went bad, when…

It was the same look he wore after Shannon.

The sky outside is just starting to go gray. Across the hall, the door to Chris’ room stands in deep shadow, closed. They’d grieved together. Cried together, when Eddie came home from the emergency room to tell him, and Chris’ devastation needed somewhere to go. Eddie did his best to hold it, but how can one man catch a waterfall?

Especially when there’s a ragged hole in him.

But in the days after, Chris has cried in private too. Eddie knows there are things that belong only to Chris and Buck—places where Eddie’s ignorance could only serve to make Buck’s absence sharper. The YA astronaut novel series; the quest for the perfect brownie recipe; that godawful cartoon they watch together.

The calendar hangs on the kitchen wall like it always has, next to the old wall jack for a landline Eddie doesn’t have. As the days have ticked by since… since, it’s started to feel like more of a slap in the face every time Eddie walks past it. He thinks maybe he should just take it down, and then recoils from the thought physically, jerking backward in his chair like he’s been scalded. As if Buck were something to be put in a drawer when he became inconvenient. As if the pain of the reminder weren’t exactly the point.

In the growing dawn light, the circle around today’s date is just visible. Inside the circle, Eddie knows, is the word “Zoo!” in Buck’s disastrous handwriting. Next to it, a scrawled picture of a fire-breathing lizard courtesy of Chris.

It isn’t bright enough to see it yet, but three days later, Buck’s handwriting slants across the calendar again, this time reading simply “cervezas”. There are things that belong only to Eddie and Buck, too.

Eddie and his son are grieving together. In some ways, they have no choice but to grieve alone.

The sound of his phone shatters the silence in the kitchen, and Eddie knocks over the mug of tea in his scramble to pick it up. He doesn’t think to check the caller ID, can barely control his hands enough to swipe his thumb across the screen. He can feel his own pulse pounding in his head as he puts the phone to his ear.

A sob comes over the line. Bile rises in the back of his throat.

Then, Maddie’s voice, luminous: He’s awake!

Eddie bursts into tears with a laugh, as the first rays of the LA sunrise find their way into the kitchen.

[thelikesofus]

not Eddie wearing all black while Buck is in his coma like he's in mourning

[gayhoediaz]

thinking thoughts about how the buckley parents will be in la while buck is in a coma and thinking thoughts about how maddie will have to watch her brother fight for his life and also deal with them likely making everything about themselves when they literally haven’t bothered to get to know him enough to see the size of the crater he will leave behind and thinking thoughts about how she almost took her own life and will have to wonder if they would mourn her more than buck, or the same, or really at all. would they just mourn their children or would they truly mourn them? thinking thoughts about how maddie really needs to have her turn to yell at them for… *gestures vaguely to their childhoods* and i, for one, can’t wait.

[buddierecs]

aly's favourite fic's

this is a list of my all time favourites buddie fics :) it will be a mixture of ratings. please check the rating/tags!

let's hear it for the boy by hattalove (anything by this author is incredible!!!!) "in which eddie attends a self-empowerment group for gbtq men to supplement his therapy, and is empowered to: forgive himself, say "i'm gay" to his own reflection in the mirror, accidentally adopt an adult, make fried rice, and tell his straight best friend that he's in love with him. not necessarily in that order." word count: 56k rating: teen and up audiences important tags: self-discovery, coming out, friends to lovers, pining, gay disaster!eddie diaz.

leave the light on (i'll be coming home) - highly highly recommend this!!!!! by: HMSLusitania "an accident on a call leaves buck with custody of chris after eddie is... missing presumed. while they navigate their new family circumstances -- and fight to stay together, despite eddie's parents' best efforts -- a john doe wakes up in a coma ward with no memory of his own life beyond the knowledge he has a son named christopher and, somehow, he needs to get home." word count: 44k rating: mature important tags: presumed dead, grief, mourning, angst, amnesia, getting together a leaf falls on loneliness by: iimpossible_things "buck doesn’t think that if he were to say, “i’m in a bad place”, that anyone would turn him away. really, he doesn’t. the 118 has too many good, kind people for that. but every time he wants to open his mouth, to say something, to reach out to eddie or bobby or hen or chim, he hears eddie yelling, “you’re exhausting.” —you’re exhausting, you’re exhausting, you’re exhausting— so each day he does his job and he laughs and he jokes and he pretends he’s the care-free goofball he’s always been. And each day he packs away his bruises and his worries, takes them home to his empty loft with its quiet rooms, and licks his wounds in silence." word count: 11k rating: not rated important tags: angst, fluff, happy ending, orginal male character and i'm not good at winning fights anymore by: spaceprincessem "five times buck needs to feel eddie's heartbeat and the one time eddie needs to feel his" word count: 24k rating: teen and up audience important tags: 5+1 things, whump, protective!eddie diaz, getting together, soft boys in love, ptsd i know you're hurting (but so am i) by: justhockey "eddie understands better than maybe anyone else ever could, how it feels to have everything unravel in the palm of your hands. he knows frustration - he knows fury. he’s painfully familiar with that burning rage that crackles in the tips of your fingers, that makes your skin hot and chest tight, and makes you want to punch anyone that dares to even look at you. but that doesn’t give chim the right to lay a damn hand on buck" word count: 3.7k rating: not rated important tags: ptsd, feelings realisation, protective!eddie diaz, communication, 5x04 coda good pretender by: likeshipsonthesea "an au where buck broke up with taylor before 5b, ravi and buck become (actually platonic) friends with benefits, and ravi, eddie, and buck all go on a journey of self-discovery that ends with them all getting what they need" word count: 85k rating: explicit important tags: friends with benefits (buckandravi), casual sex, childhood tramua, healing, feelings realisation, jealous!eddie diaz, ptsd, love confessions, anal sex

the best life is the truth (my best mask is my face) by: letmetellyouaboutmyfeels the buckleys are celebrating their 50th anniversary, and maddie and buck are both expected to come. to take the heat off maddie, buck impulsively blurts out that he's seeing someone new. obviously, there's only one solution: bring eddie as his fake boyfriend, pretend to be in love with him, and survive the weekend with minimal bloodshed. no problem, except for the, uh. "pretend" part." word count: 43k rating: explicit important tags: fake dating, idiots to lovers, there was only one bed, eventual smut

tomorrow will always and forever now be today (tomorrow is our always and forver) by: withmeornotatall "eddie gets trapped in a time loop on the day buck marries natalia" word count: 43k rating: mature important tags: time loop, minor buck/natalia, heavy angst, eventual happy ending, weddings, love confessions winter prayer by: daisies_and_briars "when a work conflict prevents athena from accompanying bobby to minnesota for the ten year anniversary of his family dying, buck and may offer to go instead. over the course of the trip, they all learn more about each other, and bobby faces his grief." word count: 18k rating: general audiences important tags: road trip, family bonding, grief, healing, angst, bobby being a dad to may and buck, may and buck are siblings

what a heart can do by: bvckandeddie "in which buck becomes the guardian of the daughter he never knew he had. together, they discover what happiness truly means to them." word count: 128k rating: teen and up important tags: girldad!buck, slow burn, friends to co-parents to lovers, oblivious!evan buckley, therapy, light angst, emotional hurt/comfort

[fredmundo]

Way Too Deep of a Dive, part 3/3

Arguably the most significant interaction Buck has this episode is between him and Bobby. Despite being told that Bobby is dead in this alternate reality, Buck’s subconscious needs his father (his chosen father) to help guide him back to himself. Outside of his relationship to Buck, there is major significance in Bobby’s all black outfit in reality. Reality Bobby wears all black which is eerie similar to what Eddie is wearing during the scene with Christopher at Buck’s bedside.

If Bobby is the most significant interaction that Buck has then the most missed is between Eddie and Buck. This is not to say that there wasn’t plenty to dissect or think about in regards to Eddie and Buck because I think the purposeful lack of Eddie outside of scenes with Christopher says more about what the writers want the viewers to interpret.

The wearing of all black symbolizes mourning. I think the fact that only Eddie and Bobby are wearing all black says that these are the two characters that will not recover from the loss of Buck. All the other characters have some sort of support or reasons to continue. Bobby, having already lost two children in his lifetime, cannot take the loss of a third. Eddie is shown to need Buck in order to fully care for Christopher in the coma alternate reality.

In actuality, I don’t think Eddie would fully implode like Bobby would but he would be a shell of himself. Another reason for the use of all black for just Bobby and Eddie could be that these are two characters with some of the more poignant losses on the show. Bobby lost his entire family in one night and Eddie lost his wife, twice, once when she left the first time and the second when she died.

I also saw an interesting take on Eddie’s inability to look at Buck with he was intubated because of the way that Shannon died and because of what Chimney told him during that scene. I think the way that he lost Shannon could be carrying a lot of weight for Eddie. But this also raises the question, if losing Buck is the same for Bobby as it was when he lost his kids, then is losing Shannon equate to the possibility of losing Buck for Eddie?

The theme of this episode focuses on Buck’s connection to himself, his parents, his siblings, and to his son. The only area that this episode doesn’t touch on, despite being where much of Buck’s personal development has come from, are his romantic partnerships. Throughout the episode every major character, except for Eddie, is dressed to visually represent their connection to Buck. Eddie’s exclusion doesn’t equate to his lack of importance but rather his unique connection to Buck and hopefully, in the future, his romantic one. At one point or another throughout the episode, each major character wears something that directly correlates to Buck’s except for Eddie. Whether this was an oversight by the writers, a purposeful exclusion to distance Eddie from Buck, or a hint at the unique connection between Eddie and Buck that doesn’t fit into any boxes with other characters, only time will tell.

After the entirety of this deep dive, while you can see clear lines drawn from each character to Buck through the costumes, there is a blaring exclusion of Eddie in this episode. It really raises more questions than answers at this point but it is still interesting to speculate as to why his character (who is arguably the closest to Buck personally outside of Bobby and Maddie) was so under utilized.

However, I want to make the point that I think I have seen several other people post: Eddie would do anything for his son in any reality. But I don’t think the point is that without Buck, Eddie’s life fell apart. To me, this is more of an extreme case that without Buck, a web unravels and Eddie is stuck in that mess. Buck doesn’t meet Abby so he doesn’t meet Carla who he won’t introduce her to Eddie. Because Eddie doesn’t meet Carla, he probably won’t get to get Chris into that school. Buck also doesn’t save Bobby which means there’s a far less understanding captain at the 118 which then also deeply impacts Eddie.

Plus, don’t forget that Eddie’s parents suck. They don’t trust Eddie with Christopher so at the first sign of trouble, they would pounce. Even if Eddie could get a job other than being a firefighter, the Diaz parents would have more money and resources to undermine Eddie. It wouldn’t be that Eddie would have given up (which I saw a few people interpret this as) but it would be that he was outmaneuvered by his parents.

PHEW! OKay!!! This is done! Lmao ---- I know wtf it was a lot. I would love to hear your thoughts! So tags, comments, dms, everything please!!!!<3

Thanks for letting me stretch out my film studies minor and freak out about the weewoo show<3

[cinematicnomad]

oohhh what are you post finale fic recs? cause i just read the one you posted earlier today and it was so good and i need more

i can definitely rec some great post-finale fics! a caveat though: i prefer lengthy fics which, obviously, tend to take time. we're only a month and a half out from the finale and i don't really read WIPs sooo this list is gonna be relatively short. but check back with me in august and i bet there will be some more great fics i can rec:

don't want no other shade of blue but you by lecornergirl (2/2 | 11k+ | T) mutual pining; minor eddieana; platonic bucktaylor; feelings realization; POV buck

"you can't go see your son like this." that gives buck pause. "he's not—he's not my son." "isn't he, though?" she says. and part of buck wants to argue, but a bigger part of him thinks, isn't he, though? not by blood, sure, or legally, but in all the ways that matter, christopher is as good as his son.

notes: this fic is part 1 of the series it's blue (the feeling i got). this first fic is from buck's POV, but part 2 is from eddie's POV and deals more with eddie's trauma recovery.

some day i'll fall into you by allyasavedtheday/@littlespooneven (1/1 | 13k+ | T) bed sharing; PTSD; hurt/comfort; therapy; POV eddie

i got you. i got you. i got you. "you said that," he says, clearing his throat around the emotion clogging his windpipe. "in the firetruck. i heard you." buck leans back enough that they're looking at each other. the hand he'd had on the back of eddie's hand moves to the side of his neck, his thumb pressing lightly against the hinge of eddie's jaw. eddie swallows around the lump in his throat and meets his gaze. "i believed you then." buck sighs like the breath has been punched out of him and leans forward to press their foreheads together. "believe me now," he murmurs and eddie's not sure if it's a plea or a request but he finds himself nodding anyway. "okay." * a look at how eddie deals with his recovery post-4.14.

lessons learned by clockwork_mockingbird (4/4 | 18k+ | T) sick!fic; mutual pining; emotional hurt/comfort; minor angst; getting together; happy ending

life teaches us many lessons. some of them, buck has to learn a few times. OR in the aftermath of the shooting, buck stretches himself a little thin. but he's got this. it's totally under control.

(note: the above fic has been taken down from ao3)

on the outside looking in by malecnificenttyrus11 (4/4 | 29k+ | G) POV alternating; mutual pining; feelings realization; getting together; angst with a happy ending

eddie is silent for a moment, before speaking up. he says it so silently that she almost doesn't hear him. "there's no competition." ana stares at him with wide yes, "what?" she asks weakly. eddie sighs, turning to look at ana, "there's no competition, because buck will always come second to christopher in my life...always." "so you're saying that i'll always be less of a priority to you than buck." ana says, voice flat. his hesitation answers for him.

notes: this fic starts with ana's POV at the hospital which i genuinely LOVED so much bc i desperately wanted to get a sense of her thoughts during those scenes. it's handled very well and then alternates between buck and eddie's POV.

leave the light on (i'll be coming home) by HMSLusitania/@hmslusitania (7/7 | 44k+ | M) s4 finale compliant; amnesia fic; angst with a happy ending; mourning; grief; getting together

"we're here for our grandson," helena says. "chris is still sleeping," buck says. "i mean, we're here to take him back to texas," helena clarifies. "yeah," buck says. he's too tired, way too tired to be tactful. "over my dead body." -- an accident on call leaves buck with custody of chris after eddie is...missing presumed. while they navigate their new family circumstance—and fight to stay together, despite eddie's parents best efforts—a john doe wakes up in a coma ward with no memory of his own life beyond the knowledge he has a son named christopher, and, somehow, he needs to get home.

notes: so this isn't a direct follow up from the s4 finale. this fic takes place about a year or so after the shooting incident, but it does grapple with eddie's will and buck being christopher's legal guardian. plus it's just SO SOFT and exactly the type of fic i wanted to read after seeing that hospital confession scene. also there's an amazing gifset you can reblog once you read it 🥰🥰

darker days, brighter endings by farfromthstars/@buckactuallys (3/3 | 44k+ | T) minor eddieana; minor bucktaylor; POV eddie; sexuality crisis; PTSD; therapy; friends to lovers

recovery isn't easy, or linear. eddie lets buck get him one of those old fashioned button-up pajama tops because they're easier to slip his arm into without moving his shoulder, but he doesn't ask him for help with shaving until he cuts himself trying to do it himself and breaks down crying in the bathroom. not because it hurts—he watches the blood trickle down from his cheekbone for a few seconds and suddenly feels completely overwhelmed, live everything is way too much. or a fic on eddie's recovery after 4.14.

notes: i jUST finished read this fic and i am obsessed with it. this fic is all from eddie's POV and really dives deep into eddie's recovery—physically and psychologically—and how buck is there to help him through it all. along the way eddie works to come to terms with his evolving understanding of his sexuality whiling pining for buck.

[jtownraindancer]

god the double-whammy he was just-

just lost his sponsor and one of his closest friends

found out Wendell was likely murdered and he's so desperately trying to hint for answers

buck who only hours ago was offering his help because he knows Bobby is struggling with this and wants to help him

buck who helps serve as a distraction and pulled bobby away from the darkness for a little while, just making chili in the background, and Bobby just smiling and teasing his kid before telling him the secret recipe

and then! and then buck dies, and Bobby is holding his dead body in his arms. and there's a flurry and a rush and his heart is beating again but there's so much internal damage that the odds aren't that great

bobby spending Buck's entire coma wrestling with the mourning he's already shouldering for Wendell while sitting there watching his kid fight to stay alive too, with the very, very real fear that in the span of only a couple [days/weeks/months], he's facing the very real risk of losing two of the most important people in his life

he can't leave Buck's side. he can't he can't he can't

he can't lose someone else

he can't risk not being there- again!- for someone he loves

for someone he trusts

he started a prayer in the back of the rig and it stretched for days all through the coma, through the first few blinks buck had back into consciousness, until the second he was waking in with the rest of their family to see his kid awake and alert and amused by all the chaos strolling through the door

bobby nash prayed for a miracle. prayed and prayed and prayed in a way he hadn't in a long time.

and maybe it's coincidence, but buck tells him that bobby had somehow helped him find his way home, and the kid knew he hadn't left his side, and Bobby has never fully lost his faith even in the worst of it.

his kid- by May's own gentle chiding and Athena's hints and even the way Maddie ushers everyone away in the end to give the two of them their moment- is alive and right there and Bobby is still struggling around the weighr of it

Buck is safe. He makes sure the kid is settling- trying to settle anyway- and it renews his need to solve the issue with wendell

he couldn't be there to help him, Wendell hadn't given him the chance, but Bobby can finish his work. in his memory. as an act of vengeance. as a small act of love for all the other wayward souls that need help finding a safe way home

he's going to shut down winding paths. one way or another.

...I don't know what happened it is 4am

I rewatch 6x11 and I understood big detail about Bobby. Bobby stopped his detective work with Wendell's case for Buck. He stopped everything for just sitting near his son praying. He wasn't thinking about anything else except Buck. Wendell's case could be really good distraction,a chance to send all his anger and grief in searching for the way to put Wendell's murders in jail. But no. Bobby was THERE FOR BUCK. No matter that Buck might never know it. No matter Buck might not hear him. But Bobby was there for him. He was waiting for his son to wake up. And then he heard how his son admitted he knew Bobby was there 😭

Bobby is real parent for Buck

[dottiesficrecs]

Don't Take My Sunshine Away by SevenSoulmates

Rating: M

Ships: Buck & Christopher, Eddie & Christopher, Buck & Eddie, Buck/Eddie

Warnings (some spoilers): None Apply; emotional/psychological abuse from parents (Eddie's parents are very controlling and make Eddie and his siblings believe they are bad parents); false accusations of abuse (Eddie's parents accuse Eddie of being physically abusive to Christopher but it's not true); family court and custody battles; homophobia (Eddie's parents to Buck, Eddie, and Adrianna); coma / major injury / possibility Eddie won't wake up / grief and mourning; Christopher spends a lot of this fic in emotional distress because he's kept from Eddie as well as Buck; ableism from Eddie's parents; Bobby gets called out a bit BUT there is no Bobby bashing

Word Count: 114k

Summary: Eddie is in a coma, and Buck blames himself. He should've been there to protect Eddie. The least he can do now is to be there for Christopher, even if Buck doesn't know if he has it in him to be a parent without Eddie. Buck makes Eddie a deal: he'll fight for Christopher in the real world, while Eddie fights to wake up.

Eddie's come a long way since those bleak days in El Paso, listening to his parents comments about how he's not fit to be a father. How Christopher doesn't deserve to be dragged down by the likes of Eddie and Shannon. Eddie thought after moving to LA, he and Chris had escaped that. When he wakes up and finds Buck neck-deep in a legal battle with his parents for custody of Christopher, Eddie must face his own mistakes, and find the confidence to stand up for himself against his absolute worst nightmare.

Notes: This thing made me BAWL. I thought, "oh I love family drama and court fics and dad Buck, this fic will be great!" And it was!!! But I truly spent the vast majority of a 15 hour drive reading this and SOBBING in the backseat. This is top tier angst right here. The relationship between Eddie and Buck is really interesting -- it's mutual pining and fake dating -- the angst connected to loving someone you aren't sure will make it... ughh!! :chefskiss: Relatedly, Eddie's dreamscapes are so INTRIGUING. I was so desperate to jump into the fic to hug Christopher especially, but shit Buck and Eddie need them too. The way the rest of the 118 interacts is great, and Athena too. Eddie's parents are terrible. Carla is a saint and deserves better. Adriana is a really fun addition!! Of course, I love the whole fic, but the lighter moments really stand out to me. THERE IS A HAPPY ENDING. I would def recommend this fic, just... make sure you have some time and space to cry about it haha

Link: https://archiveofourown.org/works/24784354/chapters/59932417

[loveyourselffirstyouareenough]

Chapters: 7/7 Fandom: 9-1-1 (TV) Rating: Mature Warnings: Creator Chose Not To Use Archive Warnings Relationships: Evan "Buck" Buckley/Eddie Diaz (9-1-1 TV), Evan "Buck" Buckley & Christopher Diaz & Eddie Diaz (9-1-1 TV), Evan "Buck" Buckley & Christopher Diaz (9-1-1 TV), Christopher Diaz & Eddie Diaz (9-1-1 TV) Characters: Evan "Buck" Buckley, Eddie Diaz (9-1-1 TV), Christopher Diaz (9-1-1 TV), Bobby Nash, Maddie Buckley, Howie "Chimney" Han, Henrietta "Hen" Wilson, Helena Diaz (9-1-1 TV), Ramon Diaz (9-1-1 TV), Isabel Diaz, Josephina "Pepa" Diaz, Sophia Diaz (9-1-1 TV), Original Female Character(s), Carla Price, Albert Han (9-1-1 TV), Athena Grant, Ravi Panikkar Additional Tags: Hollywood!Amnesia, Eddie Diaz: Friend of Lesbians, the author takes geographically impossible liberties with the state of California, Mourning, Grief, Angst with a Happy Ending, Angst, Hurt/Comfort, Eddie Diaz is a Good Dad, Evan Buckley is a Good Dad, There's absolutely a happy ending, I just handcrafted Buck and Eddie their own worst nightmares first, Buck spends a solid few chapters believing Eddie's dead, Catholicism as written by a heathen, you will cry about mangoes, Getting Together Summary:

“We’re here for our grandson,” Helena says. “Chris is still sleeping,” Buck says. “I meant, we’re here to take him back to Texas,” Helena clarifies. “Yeah,” Buck says. He’s too tired, way too tired to be tactful. “Over my dead body.” -- An accident on a call leaves Buck with custody of Chris after Eddie is... missing presumed. While they navigate their new family circumstances -- and fight to stay together, despite Eddie's parents' best efforts -- a John Doe wakes up in a coma ward with no memory of his own life beyond the knowledge he has a son named Christopher and, somehow, he needs to get home.