#he makes me so sad tho..... he cant remember much but he knows he misses his mama..... :(

[asterbats]

Homesick

[tacharie]

Thoughts for The Montkraken Episode

so, I just finished the chapter and… wow I have a lot to say. I took screen shots for every part I wanted to talk about and I think this rant will be SUPERRRR long so bear with me. Tumblr won’t let me add screenshots so when I have better service I’ll edit the post to add them. These paragraphs are theories and side notes that I wrote after reading a certain section so you’re gonna see my thought process throughout the story. As always, spoilers ahead so I recommend skipping this if you haven’t read it already.

Alright so I was once a hater of this ship BUT… the Shobaru shippers may have a point in this guys 😭. LIKE.. I HAVE THE SCREENSHOT OF SUBARU BLUSHING UHHH. That is not a heterosexual stare feller 🤨…

AHHHHHHH THE FROSTHEIM DUO ARE BACKKKKK!!! I missed them so so much they’re so silly and deserve the best. Honestly the only two I trust in this school cause I CANT. I literally suspect anyone but them, but Imma be so disappointed if either of them are hiding something. I’ll be sad, but like I’ll help 🙄. I was actually so sad when the MC mentioned being the reason they could be in danger like GIRLLLLL DONT SAY THAT PLEASEEEEE. ITS LIKE THE ANGST WITH ADEUCE AND YUU LIKE STAWPOPP. Also when the Vagastorm kids were like “aw yeah Mido wouldn’t lie like that” it makes me happy that people can at least trust him enough to be honest and idk I found that kinda sweet :3. We’re also getting a bit of a timeline, like the One-Eyed Sleeping Beauty Murder being BEFORE the clash (sorry if this was already mentioned I don’t really remember stuff from the past chapters) which could’ve been a trigger.

Also, I feel like they’re trying to tell us that Jiro is Zenji’s brother because when he had that little laugh about the MC being scared of bodies, he said too. When you click the “too?” option, he just says that he isn’t the one afraid. It’s not Yuri as well cause he’s literally a doctor that is in the same room when autopsies are in session. Whatever the case, I assume he was referencing to Zenji, though it being a blurry memory. Little theory tho.

OK SO THIS IS JUST SO FUNNY TO ME. In Chapter 9’s title it says, “Girl Learns Shocking Truth About Monster”. I like to think the shocking truth was the fact he didn’t shower for 3 days 😭. CAUSE THATS THE PART SHE SOUNDS MOST SHOCKED. Idk that part was silly to me. THEY’RE OUTFITS FOR THEIR DORM IS SOOOOOO PRETTY. They ate I fear, a bit more than the other dorms. Also side note, they dropped A LOT of info with just how they word things. For example, Yuri saying “Jiro, you are well aware that I will not be associated with those germs AGAIN.” Soooo Yuri was in Frostheim? I don’t doubt it bc there’s another line that says “I’d rather not recall how bitterly cold that place is” which can MEAN TWO THINGS. I’m super sure that they’re implying that yeah, he was, but then something happened blah blah blah.

WHAT THE HELL IS GOING ON WITH HYDE AND DANTE??? Like ok bitches, spill your shot to us too don’t be shy. So, confirmed by them, Dante and Hyde used to go to school in Darkwick (which I assume the rest of the teachers are too). That explains their back and forth. WHAT REALLY CAUGHT MY EYE WERE THESE LINES.

Hyde: “…You really are a softie, Dan-Dan.” (Haha Dan- Dan)

Dante: “It would seem that way to someone as cold as you.” (???) “…There are lines that shouldn’t be crossed, Hyde.”

Hyde: “…I’ll keep that in mind.”

WHATTTTT. WHAT ARE THE LINES. GO IN DETAIL ARGHHHHH. This gives us more info on the character individually too. Dante describes Hyde as cold… DANTE. So, it was obvious that this whole happy go lucky attitude was fake, but I expected to be more like Haru’s kind of attitude not like that yk?? now I know how much of a cash grab this game is, but I really hope they aren’t going to stretch the story out too long to the point where you have to P2W cause I haven’t paid a cent and I don’t plan to. I still want to learn more about them and stuff so :(. On the topic of Dante, there was a small flashback where I missed a word in the sentence that Dante said while talking with Alan. “I’m the man you supposedly killed.” Supposedly?? Now, I didn’t my catch this in my first run, but now it’s like wdym supposedly?? Shouldn’t you know? This is giving hella Jiro vibes and honestly, I’m getting sick and tired of these characters having a bad memory.

SPEAKING OF JIRO- he seems to have problems remembering things and they come back to him in the very weird moments (honestly a kin moment). I would like the think that he’s just suffering from the damages he had to go through from the clash. His relationship with Yuri is so… sad to me. Yuri seems to doubt him a little bit and I feel like he sees him as just a specimen, not much of a friend. Meanwhile, Jiro smiles a lot to Yuri and listens to him like a master, like that’s what he’s supposed to do. NOT AGAINST HIS OWN WILL DONT GET ME WRONG. He’s just so neutral about it it makes me a bit like awwww :(. They’re cute tho idrc.

Ok moving on to Haku and Tohma. (Ok at this point I’m getting nervous cause why are we seeing so many characters now. That’s probably just a coincidence). OK THESE TWO HAVE GOT IT GOING. Like there’s tension when you get their chat in the campus but this is like woahhhh… Also I don’t like how Tohma says “our wheelhouse? I see..” it makes me think he’s like implying “so you think you’re a part of them now?” IDK THATS JUST MY LITTLE STRETCH. Also poor Zenji, he’s like “aw yeah I died in vain lol” LIKE OUCH.

Nicholas. I DO NOT LIKE HIM. I REPEAT. I DO NOT LIKE HIM FOR A MINUTE OF A SECOND. The only staff I like are the cats, the grocer guy, and MAYBE Dante. LIKE HES SO… NORMAL?? LIKE THERE’S SOMETHING WEIRD GOING ON IK THERE IS. When MC says “I can’t believe Professor Nicolas would do something like that” I DO 😡🙋‍♀️. I am in full support of Yuri finding crimes against this guy.

Also, little other side note, I just realized that Yuri and Jiro have matching earring in opposite ears. It’s so cute.

Ok I might have to go back to the beginning and see what the “goat like anomaly” Jiro is talking about when he mentions the prophecy, cause I said “… the chancellor is a goat??” BUT ANYWAYS. Speaking of the prophecy, I’ll jot it down.

“The whisper of the new moon shall lead the champion to the academy on the solitary island. So long as the champion resides there, the world shall be sheltered from profound tragedy.”

Stating the obvious here, but this is most likely referencing to the last cutscenes we get when we choose our characters. I’ve checked the cutscenes again and there’s no visible moon, meaning it could correlate to the “new moon” portion. (Search up new moon to see what I mean). Assuming Solitary island means death, that would also help with the theory. So, whoever we chose in the beginning might just be the person who won the Laurel Crown.Honestly, this is just a silly little Drabble for a theory and VERY vague. Maybe the champion resides in the events of the past that we still don’t know about but this kinda helps?? Idk I’m just putting what I think at the moment. I’ll probably reread the game so I can get a better timeline. Also, Yuri’s rant about demon particles… doesn’t exactly sit right with me. Were they chosen to be resilient or was it just a birth thing?? Idk but I feel like a lot is missing from his theory. I mean, we’re using human logic to a supernatural cause so I don’t think pacts acting as allergies would work. If they’re not chosen, could it be that the ghouls can make pacts with more than one demon? I wanna see what happens if that was the case. Please comment if I missed something 😭.

Ok Towa appeared. (Why are we seeing so many characters I don’t like this) and we went back to that tree… WHAT IS THAT TREE?? And what the hell do you mean the fruit grew? What is that fruit supposed to be? An anomaly going to birth?? Is it supposed to represent the houses?? Motivation?? It seems so weird to me cause we just got introduced to that tree last episode. Sighs.

OK REN AND RITSU. WHAT IS GOING ON. I GUESS SINCE THIS IS THE LADT CHAPTER FOR INTRODUCING CHARACTERS BUT LIKE … STOP. I feel like something is going to happen with the MC pls 😭. Anyway, those two talking about ramen is so cute please don’t ever change you virgin and lizard looking freak 🫶( with love of course). GROCER GUYYYYYYY. YIPPEE :3!! I love that the cat is the owner and not the human lmao.

Also I will always be a MC defender cause she is so relatable. “Why are hospitals so creepy at night?” GIRL IKKKKKK. Idc what y’all say, the fact that she’s normal is keeping me sane from these freaky deaky events. ILOVE NORMAL CHARACTERS! LIKE MATSUDA FROM DEATH NOTE OR THAT ONE GUY FROM MASHELE. Anyways, I love her little comments and everything she’s so silly. Idrc if she doesn’t have much of a backbone cause honestly, she’s surrounded by danger so the best she should do is listen to the people that are constantly surrounded by it.

ALSO NEW THING. (Well idk if it’s new but yeah).

mention of a Dionysia Breakout. <—— Idk what that is, but it sounds like a little more. I love little details and slip ups thanks characters <3!!

HA! HAHAHHAHAHAHHAHA! I WIN NICOLAS 😈!!! YOU DO HAVE SOMETHING TO HIDE. AND I WILL FIND IT TRUST YOU WILL BE DELT WITH. I WILL KNOW THE PRIOR PAST >:(!! Also, Moby is being soooo annoying tbh. More character descriptions to add: competitive as a teacher. NO ONE WILL MAKE YOU HATE YOU JIRO ‼️‼️‼️ HES SO SWEET He literally asks if we’re scared and says we can hang back awwww. Though he doesn’t understand much, he can use logic and he can at least understand how we feel. It’s a nice sentiment :)!

I can’t take the transformation seriously I’m sorry. I’m still impressed by Yuri’s deductive skills and the transformation just sounded like he was constipated.

THE WHOLE BATTLE SCENE WAS EPIC!! MC HESITATING BECAUSE OF LEOS WORDS BUT STILL PUSHING FORWARD. YURI GETTING FLUSTERED. JIRO SMILING AND TRUSTING YURI’S ORDERS. THE FUNNY EXCHANGE ABOUT MUSCLE WHEN THEY WERE CARRYING THE POD. Those annoying ass pussy sticks we call Darkwick students 😡. JIRO LOOKING BADASS AFTER THE SHOT. URGHHHH I LOVE THIS CHAPTER.

HARU AND PEEKABOOOOO!! AHHHHH IM SO HAPPY I SEE THEM AGAIN!! I’m so glad he’s going to Hyde too cause I’m not ready. Also… the mermaid thing is so weird. For the Montkraken Mermaid, they seem to refer to it as “it” or “that mermaid”, but when they speak of the second mermaid, they use personal pronouns like “he /him”. Haru’s expression as well when he heard someone was abusing mermaid flesh… it’s a new one with a little crease under his eye. It’s such a sad face like, did he know this mermaid personally or was this fear?? Either way, I wanna meet him cause the other one was so pretty.

…You guys know the “I see who you are… you are my enemy” sound that’s on TikTok or reels or wtv? YEAH THATS SONG WAS PLAYING IN MY HEAD WHEN HYDE SAID WE HAD TO DO A SPEECH. HYDE IM IN YOUR WALLS. URGHHHH I HATE HIMMMMM. Call to action my ass IK either Taiga or Leo are gonna get their asses out of the door after the speech. OR BOTH. I’m starting to tweak.

NOOOOO THE SPEECH IS THE NEXT CHAPTER?? NOOOOOOOOOOOOOO.

I feel so bad for Zenji… like I’m so deadass. Dude he sounds so sad about how he’s dead it’s so.. URGHHHH. ALSO I CALLED IT. THEY ARE BROTHERS. AHAHHAHA!! Well it was kinda obvious cause everyone thought it too but WOMP WOMP. Also I love his real name, Taro Kirisaki. It’s pretty :)!! But these lines killed me

“and though I have taken my final blow, my brotherly heart can’t help but worry for my kin. … Not that he has any idea I’m still around.” YEOUCH?? I DIDNT COME TO CRY BRO…

I’m tweaking out because of this speech bro. I’m gonna choose the corniest stuff and hope for the best. “I feel bad please stop for me 🥺” headass.

Taiga is officially my enemy as well. I called that shit about him leaving URGH. WHAT A FLIBBERTYJIBBET!! His outfit eats tho so it balances out. LIKE DAMNNNN. HE LOOKS SO GOOD.

DOUBLE?? TRIPLE??? QUINTUPLE???? HELL I MIGHT BECOME A GHOUL TO GET THAT MONEY GOLLY 😍😍😍!! CAUSE IN THIS ECONOMY??Also thanks Jin you a real one twin. Bouta split this cash with my wife and I’ll send you a wedding invite.

EDWARD. ED PLEASE. STOP PUTTING ME IN THE SPOTLIGHT… well it’s out now so woopy!! I really wonder what the others have to say about that cause they just gave really vague surprised reactions. Well, Ritsu documented it. I love that little guy please don’t ever change you silly.

NUMBER ONE CORNELIUS HATER IDC. Unless I know your intentions I DONT CAREEEEE. YOU ARE AN OPP IT IS ON SIGHT WITH YOU. SAME WITH YOU NICOLAS!! “I didn’t know whether to tell you or not I’m sowwy 🥺” CHUPA MI PITO HOE 😡.

… you’re telling me I didn’t have to do that awful speech because DANTE AGREED?? IM DONE. IM WHOOPING EVERYONE IN THE ROOM AND AURING THE PLACE OUT. FIRST ONES OUT ARE HYDE FOR NOT TELLING ME, NICOLAS, AND CORNELIUS. ARGHHHHHHH. Also, dude, who is that Janitor guy like seriously.

ROMEO??? AND HYDE???? WHAT IS THIS ABOUT BUTTERCUP?? Wdym worked for him?? What is going on… SPECIAL MISSION??? SHO??? OH NAW. I CANT TRUST NOBODY ANYMORE 😭

Towa crying :(. What does the fruit shrinking have to do with it now?? I’m so confused.

ALRIGHT IF YOU MADE IT TO THE END WOW YOU HAVE DEDICATION. Yeah this is my personal yap session to this chapter and it’s so URGH. I’m so excited to see the next chapter and I hope we get to see more and more. Now with the Gala in place, we can finally start WORKING. Based on the timeline, we have about … 8 months left?? So hopefully, for MC’s sake, she gets cured. BYE BYE UNTIL NEXT EPISODE!!

[tiredtriedfailures]

what are your favorite images/videos of kendrick? i mean obviously he’s always gorgeous but what pictures have you kicking your feet and blushing and twirling your hair ykwim

I WAS JUST LOOKING UP REF PICS WHEN I REMEMBERED I PLANNED TO ANSWER THIS BUT DIDNT IM SORRYYYYYY HERE WE GO

THIGHS. the way the clothes drape over him, this hairstyle, which will be shown more in more pics, and the lighting makes this pic a very good reference. dynamic.

love man-bun kennys man FUCK i miss long hair kenny like a motherfucker. lovely angle of his face, the pose is nice, the subtle bisexual lighting is always welcome, 10/10 no notes

damn i might be obsessed with man-bun kenny more than i knew my whole folder has lotsa these. he looked so good in LOYALTY tho didnt he. the romantic tension of that video really did grew on me with time.

2017 mtv kendrick i have feelings for you. mostly awe and envy but theyre still feelings come on

the layers the Neckerchief the braids he looks like the genius archeologist traveling to ancient ruins to solve a world ending problem in a movie

WOAH THIS IS ONE OF THE RARE ONES. SMALL BUN WITH SOME OF THE HAIR LET DOWN. damn does he look extra pretty here or am i just too kenpilled

does he look majestic or am i really too kenpilled. theres such royalty in him in this pic damn

cant lie this one is on here cuz beyonce adds such aura to this holy shit. im not even a beyhiver but this duo, damn. they ruled empires in the past

looks cute, dramatic lighting is nice, chest looks bomb

OOOOOOHHHHHHHHHHH THIS ONE. the shiny lips the pearls the scarf on the cap the earringgggg. AUGH AUGHHH

LOVE THIS ONE TOO. WHY DONT WE HAVE A PHOTOSHOOT OF THE MR MORALE HAIR WHY WHY WHYYYY

This fit and performance was so fire and IT was the reason i was knee deep in getty images btw. trying to gather all hq kendrick pics i could get my hands on for my Projects. the accessories, the clean suit...call this pic the YAWK YAWK YAWK YAWK the way im down

oh i have a few screenshots from the Jay Rock WOW cuz he was so gorgeous there. this time im not asking for confirmation, not doubting it, GORGEOUS. actually felt grief when i realized the looks from this video are not photographed, nor does he fuckin sit still in the video for a single sec for me to grab some good pics. if you wanna see my favorite kendrick videos just go to that one WOW edit hes. lord

i saved this twice cuz i like it so much. lil pirate. OH also i never mentioned but when hes adjusting his chain in N95 (? im p sure its it, black and white. idk) and he smiles kinda mischeviously, he reminds me of Jack Sparrow. just that 2 second snippet. just in there. its probably the close up beard and the air of playfulness idk

i told you i have more of these. and i still do im gatekeeping them. this one is so drawable tho god im getting the shakes the tingles. i just cant do em justice

this is from one of the silliest kendrick collabs, i talked about it before its Thats Me Right There where hes begging to hit like the worlds thirstiest man to a girl who sings all song about how ride or die she is to her guy. tragic, hilarious, i just paused IMMEDIATELY when this shot passed because of how beautiful his lips good. look. i mean how good they look. maybe i gotta go to sleep lamo am i yapping too much?

LMAO just WHAT are you wearing my guyyyy. the face and head are clear and the angle is interesting but what is that ATROCITY hes wearing lmaoooo. why did i save this. probably cuz of the expression, somewhere between a smile and curious look idk

okay okay thats all, i yapped long and hard, gave away most of my best pics. oh hey btw i hope tumblr doesnt mess with the quality cuz theyre all nice professional pics, from getty as mentioned lmao. sad we dont have the pics im constantly whining about, interesting clothes and angles, all sorts of facial expressions, showing off his face showing off his figure. so yeah. these are my faves, lemme know yours! dont gatekeep good pics from me what do you know i might actually draw kenny fanart if im inspired more than im scared

[muma-kitty]

alright, since some of you seem to agree with my thoughts, i think i'll elaborate a bit

sweeney todd's autism diagnosis

this might be a bit lengthy so ill spare you the scroll if youre not interested.

stiff movements (this isnt really a dancer's role)

lack of expression, tends to look either sad or angry most of the time. could just be the trauma tho

weird stilted way of speaking (hearn specific)

generally quiet and reserved outside of emotional outbursts (again, trauma)

strong sense of justice - "at the top of the hole sit the privileged few making mock of the vermin in the lower zoo"

entirely fixated on razors when reacquiring them, completely oblivious to mrs lovett talking about her massive crush on him

doesnt know what to do with his hands when not holding anything - "at last, my arm is complete again!"

[shaving contest /w pirelli and aftermath]

doesnt bother with any flash or flair, gets straight to work and gets the job done

becomes agitated and paces when expecting the beadle to arrive at his barber shop but doesnt know when (gotta have a schedule)

[epiphany]

if this isnt a textbook meltdown idk what is

mood swings (man goes through every stage of grief twice in the span of 3 minutes)

lashing out - "alright! you sir! how about a shave?"

mrs lovett trying to calm him down just upsets him even more

[a little priest]

doesnt understand what mrs lovett's hints at at first

asks what unfamiliar food is before trying it, as if hes hesitant to try new things

definitely an odd sense of humor

wordplay. so much wordplay.

more tactile stimming, this time with suspenders (hearn)

[god thats good]

upset because the package he was told would arrive by 5:45 is 15 minutes late (his SCHEDULE is RUINED)

once the chair arrives, becomes agitated when he cant get mrs lovett to stay and watch him open it (PLEASE let me share my interests!!!!)

once again calling for lovett's attention, this time to set up a system of communication. he just really wants to make sure she isnt missing his cues

[by the sea]

several minutes of sweeney being completely absorbed in his own thoughts while giving half-assed responses to at least pretend like he heard any of that nonsense

[wigmaker sequence]

time to infodump

possible echolalia? - "the madhouse? the madhouse!"

[finale]

upset that he now has to go find toby when hes expecting the judge to arrive soon (the schedule!)

doesnt seem to be aware of how threatening he sounds while calling for the kid

after killing the judge, suddenly remembers he was supposed to catch toby and runs out only to realize he didnt grab his razor (only has enough working memory for one task at a time)

im sure there are other details i missed, especially since everyone's performance is different, so feel free to add on

[peterparkersnose]

Last of Us Spoilers Episode 3

—————————

Joel’s broken hand in the rocks seemed so sad. rip tess

kumbaya he’s stacking the rocks now

Ellie with Joel’s jacket as a blanket awwe

I love how Ellie is bothering Joel it’s so cannon I love it

5 MILE HIKE??? my feet would be hurting. i don’t get out much cant you tell?

ELLIE WHY are you opening that shit in the gas station??? Close the mystery door please!

TF SHE GETTING IN FOR?

nvm tampons

the infected scared the shit out of me

why is she dissecting it miss girl this ain’t a science class

they never mentioned tampons in the game, i’m so happy they finally addressed it somehow

HEY i remember that shot from the first teaser pic! i legit thought it was fake too for the longest time. nope deja vu

mass graves tho like it makes sense. sad.

BRO THEY GOT TO MAKE THAT TRANSITION FROM THE DEAD PPL CLOTH TO WHEN THEY WERE ALIVE ouch

for what

Nick Offerman as Bill 10/10 casting

Bill was fucking prepared goddamn

at least someone had a good time during the apocalypse

THE TRAPS! so disappointed we didn’t get much from that tho.

the ‘don’t tread on me’ flag and he’s gay? (when worlds collide)

Frank is adorable

All I see is Ron Swanson in Bill IM SORRY

Frank is so wholesome I love this sun and moon trope going on

KISS! First kiss in this show that’s been GOOD (traumatic flashbacks to last week’s kiss)

Love in the apocalypse tho i mean meeting someone like that- wow. beautiful.

This is so sweet, I hate that I know what’s coming

OHMYGOD TESS AND JOEL? AT DINNER?

loving domestic joel

tess looked so beautiful and happy it makes her death even worse

i’m obsessed with how they aged the characters. beautifully of course.

“If… mine,” Joel describing Tess

Loving 2011 Joel. Gives us more of a backstory I love it.

Bill all dressed up for Frank’s friends awwe

2014 Strawberries i love this sm

“Not on the strawberries!” LMAO

Yo now there pee paws, so cute

I love how there taking care of eachother in old age

Pretty sure frank has ms. so sad.

why am i crying this is so sad

“get married” i’m done bye tears

better ending than franks game ending for sure

THIS SHOW DESERVES A FUCKING EMMY

double suicide?

i will say the missed out chance on batshit bill gameplay is sad

hot take not enough interaction with infected so far, i wanna see joel go feral on some runners

Joel got his car at least

I’m so sad it’s different from the game but I loved Frank and Bill’s love story

More audio I recognize from the game! Joel’s Rules! LOVE

ELLIE GOT HER SHIRT

Showering omg i bet you joel smells like ass

SHOWERED JOEL he looked so handsome with his hair wet slicked back

bro ellie doesn’t know what a seatbelt is

Episode 3 10/10

[ah0yh0y]

tagged by @ribcagelikepiano for the get to know you game!! thx friend !!!!!

questions: last song you listened to, currently watching, currently reading, current obsession

last song: Come Hang Out by AJR off the top of my head by my tabs say Providence by Poor Mans Poison . Come Hang Out feels so nostalgic to me even if i only listened to it recently reminds me of a graduation song (it came out 5 yrs ago so it makes sense. I just really love Poor Mans Poison's vibes generally great fuel for daydream and also matches well with the feeling of revolution (and seeing everything collapse i guess.) (ish) mentally listening to Your Love is All I Need by Sami Yusuf tho at all times lately, probs because i have been trying to wean myself off listening to music for like the 50th time. (its slow going but IM GONNA TRY inshaallah ill be able to do it) (he also took the old nasheed music video off his channel? sad its so good)

currently watching: does d20 mentopolis count? only watched one ep but its good. i havent watched anything regularly besides like school vids for a bit. tried watching the dragon prince s5 when it came out but buffering (the video player i mean) and dissatisfaction at the pacing and characterization kinda stopped me. ill back on it at the end of the yr when everything is settled. if we are talking about podcasts started relistening to wolf 359 and keeping up with the greater gatsby (the latter has SUBLIME noir vibes as it is a noir i bloody love shipwreck's work it scratches that itch in my brain so well) . i may have seen spoilers for wolf 359 so i am anxiously waiting to see if i am proved wrong but im on s4 so its soon prepare for a barrage of reblogs for it. watched s4 of malory towers it was very nice i cant wait for s5 - the pantomime hopefully we get new members for the older years next season i miss the larger cast

currently reading: not much really. fanfic alot. i guess. caught up to the end of the To Make a Legend series on ao3 (pjo) and other fics for a couple of other fandoms (in one false move by Kalidium is really good if your into murder most unladylike - spoilers for A Spoonful of Murder though) also been reading barbie 2023 fanfic? was bored and started hunting for good ones (slim picking at the moments but if you want character study and grief and some bloody good writing def read something in me in you by telm_393 i cant explain it its that good) also reread My Memories Came Back in the Form of Someone Else by Lucy_Luna yes its that really good spiderverse fanfic do check it out

BESIDES THAT THO in terms of actual books. have the audiobook saved for The Valley and The Flood so gonna listen to that later. Have to read The Hate Race for class (not my fave but i need for analysis ive read it like 3 times but I STILL DONT REMEMBER ANYTHING) .

started rereading The Ballad Of Songbirds and Snakes a couple of weeks ago ahead of the movie coming out at the end of this year but never got the chance to finish it so ill have to get on that too.

also dracula ive been reading as well but more on that the next section.

current obsession: re:dracula is the first that comes to mind im so bloody invested in jonathan's wellbeing and his relationship wiht mina and the whole story its insane . i should read more older books its good . re;dracula DOES SUCH A GOOD JOB AT SUCKING YOU INTO THE STORY THE VOICE ACTORS REALLY MADE IT FOR ME i just cant with ti it makes me so bloody happy!! Renfield's voice actor is a standout for me everytime he's there i just have to pause and stare at a wall. also jonathan's actor as well hes SO GOOD i was geniunly worried about jonathan not sending me voicemails into my phone i was THAT endeared to him

besides that PLAY IT BY EAR the musical improv show by dropout is also a obsession of mine i cannot with their talent. the MUSIC so good i want to play it all the bloody time . i am in absolute awe in the performers ability to create a story and TIE IT ALL TOGHETER SO WELL like every piece of information is used whether you expect it or not . DN THE BAND OH GOD I DONT KNOW HOW THEY SO IT THE MUSIC IS SO FUN AND CREATIVE AND FITS THE MOOD AND MADE UP ON THE SPOT???!!! HOW I DONT KNOW (if u ask me who my favourite guest star is at the moment its ross byant hes an absolute delight whenever he is on a d20 show- the improvised shakespear episode blew my mind)

anway THIS SI LONGGGGGGGG soz

no pressure tags: @filmloser04 @mistichallow @charlies-a-thief

@literallymahir @quotidian-oblivion @monochrome-anomaly @suksiili @miseria-fortes-viros and anyone else that wants to join!!!! (you dont have to do a brain dump like me i always go overboard)

[feral-teeth]

🖌, 🕰, 👀 & 🍂 for the ask game 🫶

🖌️- Do you have/want any tattoos?

I dont have any, but I love the idea of tattoos and i get sick of seeing and feeling things being on my body really easily (like watches or like temp tattoos) so idk if its the best idea for me? I would probably only get something very abstract or something i really love.

Attached are the marble tattoos i would get on my arms and legs! Like i imagine black or gold marble along my shoulder and down, cutting off where there woukd be patchwork tattoos (like a mix of spencer agnews and anthony padillas)

Heres the link to my tattoo inspo board :3 - its among all of the other boards in that folder

I also know that once i get top surgery i want to put like, something cool on the new free real estate on my chest once it heals - like a cool feral dog or like stitches or something cool. To represent how fucking sick and badass being trans and getting top surgery is. And also being a furry i need like teeth or something feral looking on me (i wonder where i got my username from lol) ik someone on insta whos trans and he has these SICK tattoos like paw prints on the palm of his hands and some other rlly cool ones!! His name is Fox i think? Hes a huge inspo for me and my furry journey/trans journey for a while.

Also a tooth. Cuz fuck yeah

The future of having patchwork tattoos on my arms when i get money for it… it keeps me going. I cant wait to look fucking HOT esp w black ink cuz i find it super hot and more aesthetic on me.

I remember there was a self-love influencer and she had two tigers on her belly, and i loved the idea of that and to appreciate my stomach more.

. I also love the idea of having angel wing tattoos cause i used to always imagine having angel wings and wrapping them around me when i was scared or needed comfort. So they would represent that comfort. I also imagined them like, dragging on the ground behind me sometimes, like my wings were too big for my body. I imagined them as like gold and red and w like splashes of bright colours.

🕰️ - What time is it where you are rn?

Well its 6:01pm as i start to write this - lets see how long it takes for me to post it lol - checking in its 6:26pm - now its 6:35pm - 6:40pm abt to post

��� - what colour are your eyes?

Brown, but golden in the sunlight! I have an old photo that i love when i was in British Colombia in the car and the sun was shining so perfectly and i got a picture of my golden eyes. Its such a beautiful picture i might just find it and post it here after i answer this <3 also reminds me of a photo i took of the mountains out the window that was literally a perfect screenshot of the beautiful moment. It makes me miss my old instagram where i used to only post aesthetic photos i took 😔probs gonna make my personal account do just that now 🫡

🍂-whats your favorite season?

Fall always! I love the season i was born in (i heard thats usually a proven thought) and even tho its moving into dead winter, it feels like new beginnings and a clean, fresh start because school used to start for me around then and its my bday in fall too so its like new school supplies? Presents? Money?? Amazing. This will surely change my life for the better! And all of this ruin and pain will fall behind me cuz i have new clean fresh pens and a new journal and a new schedule i know ill just drop after a month ! (Digital planners saved me sm omg)

But i also love every season and the poetry and meanings and atmospheres they bring. I always get so sad in the winter, but that sadness and pain being surrounded by so much joy and brightness and christmas lights and a hazy glow makes a good contrast for poetry and your own depression so 🤷 spring is new beginnings. The contrast between winter and spring and meaning new life and the dead rotting and turning into something that helps the fertilizer grow is such a strong concept for me. Summer being so hazy in the heat with heat lines coming off of the sidewalk, your ice cream melting onto the hot pavement, making it sizzle. The sadness that summer can bring too. The heat and fun and sun that everyone seems to be having while youre stuck inside or watching them through a haze of your own, you want to break the glass between you and the others but its just too thick, so you just slam on the glass, yelling, hoping that someone, anyone can hear you on the other side.

Back to fall - Now my bday just makes me sad 😔 whats funny is that it usually still feels like summer when its my bday, so its like im still in that hazy summer, preparing for the winter and dead leaves on the ground that are pronised every year.

From this ask game - get to know me! 💖

[yuukei-yikes]

hii ive liked ur art for a while now and i love how u portray the yuukei quartet literally autism central... also im living for ur future designs especially momo (shes so cute im shaking and crying) and shintaro i like how u made them look more similar. my older brother likes amphibia and like a year ago i think he sent me one of ur harutaka posts like "THIS IS THE KAGEPRO RIGHT?" and it was a weird moment but funny. ANYWAY. I understand the unending urge to think and talk abt kagepro so very much so uhmm i'd like to hear ur opinions on konoha as a character but if u also want to maybe talk about what harutaka means to u and ur favorite aspects of their relationship!!!

THANK U!!!!

1. im so glad someone noticed i tried to make momo and shintaro look similar!!! i thought i failed so this made me really happy LOL

2. tell ur brother i am so sorry also ask him if he liked the amphibia ending. there is a correct answer to this. but if all my twitter followers ask then noooo there is no correct answer it is subjective 😃😒

3. MAN.. KONOHA AS A CHARACTER HUH. truthfully, being the haruka fan i am i BARELY make konoha content or even talk abt it. yes it. konoha it its pronouns realness. ok here is my hot take. i dont see konoha as like.... A Guy. to me its more like a kid or something idk!!! a pinocchio sort of case. suddenly i am alive what do i do sort of case. i think its funny to see this thing that is not human and if it was human it would not be an adult controlling some grown guy's body

anyways um i do love konoha. i am very sad to see it go too, and i think haruka (sorry i know this is abt konoha but i cant help myself) would feel very outcasted since she feels konoha was everyone's friend, not him, and fears they might resent him bc they wish she was konoha. ofc everyone misses konoha but they understand haruka is the rightful owner of the body, and in my hc awakening eyes stays within haruka to keep her illness harmless. and he knows it is within him watching out for her and is thankful 💗 ending of steven universe moment with the 2 stevens u_u ok those are the same and haruka and konoha arent the same however one cannot survive without the other and *explodes*

4. bro this reply is already so long. u cannot just ask me that. ill try to be as brief as possible. i got obsessed with kagepro therefore harutaka at age 13 and i am TWENTY TWO YEARS OLD. i grew up with these bitches. while i had and have other interests, kagepro NEVER and i mean NEVER stopped being my main interest. this shit has plagued my mind for years. so what does it mean to me. EVERYTHING!!!!!!! IT MEANS EVERYTHING.

they mean so much to me i cant even Explain. i am so happy kagepro doesnt ever get content canon or even fanon and when it does its never harutaka bc the amount of Control it has over me is something scary. remember the lost day hour comic. my GOD that shit almost KILLS ME!!!!!! and i wouldnt be able to tell u my fave aspects??? i genuinely Dont know why i chose this thing specifically to obsess over, much less why them specifically. but idk i love these 2 so much and i could talk abt them for hours which i have done and will do again.

i love that the disabled characters are the love story of the whole thing and i love the m/f ships where the guy loves the girl so much they just moan and throw up abt it . even tho harutaka is like the gayest hets ever (any pronouns haruka and takane real) ummm ummmm. they are literally in love. Mis wiwis

[daphnebowen]

more season four episode one things

okay guys because I’m obsessed I’m rewatching season four this time actually recording things because last time I just did what I could remember. That was also from a while ago (when i originally wrote it) some stuff might be the same but do I care? No. I was gonna jump right to episode three but then I thought “am I really gonna miss ‘maybe this time’ and ‘puppy love’ for this? No.” So yeah. Here we go! FYI, most of these just might be quotes because I’m basically brain dead right now.

THE RINA CUEEEEEE and ginas proud little smile

I absolutely love Ryan’s sparkly suit

Monique, Corbin, kaycee, and Lucas sound soooo good!!! Lucas especially he is really belting

“they have been silent in the group chat” 💀 gets me every time

ms Darbus sounds the exact. same.

EW. EW. MACK IS - UGH 😑

Richard is screaming. I mean, I get it, I would too if my girlfriend was kissing someone else, but chill dude

“no boys?” Girl. Gina’s super smart. She can handle a boyfriend and worry about her future. I hate her so much.

mike 💀 RICKY PAY ATTENTION - I hope those clothes were clean~

AWWW HE HAS GINA IN A PHOTO ON HIS DESK <3

”be safe” is crazy 💀

”don’t… try not to mess that up.”

”that would have been thoughtful” he’s not slacking in the boyfriend department at all

”just kept us for us” is sooooo freakingggg sweeeeeetttt “as long as we’re an us” AHHH FIND ME A MAN LIKE RICHARD BOWEN

gina: shushing Ricky. Ricky: proceeds to make more noise on his way out of the window 🤦🏼‍♀️ what is wrong with him

kourtney and Carlos are slaying

”we need to sign him up and get him educated” girl same

Ashlyn is so lost lmao

miss Jenn gets their attention so flawlessly my teachers could never

I wanna see Richard bowen’s senior prank… 😃

theyre so disappointed about doing hsm again lmao “high school musicale?!”

the east high leopards mascot is actually so disturbing

”mentally I’m not here” lmao sameeee!

”the whole gang” mins Troy Gabriella and Sharpay as per the first five minutes of the show right?

coach literally spit while saying “America’s favorite couple”

woke. I can’t.

bart Johnson is so hyped

”if it’s Mack somebody stop me before I flirt with him” “Carlos!” “Yeah, Carlos!” Ricky is so jealous omg

”Mr bluh?”

miss Jenn looks like she’s about to pass out when Monique and Lucas walk in 😭

JESSICA IS CRAZY

poor Ricky I just want him to be happy

“if Alcatraz and 7-11 had a baby” Quinn 💀

they’re dead. The farm is heaven. Why did he say that so bluntly???? The way Gina’s face fell was so sad too

”I bet he sheds a lot” PLEASE

can I just say I think Ricky is way better looking and just way better than Mack??? Like this boy has nothing to worry about.

Kourtney turned British there for a moment lmao

gina cannot improvise holy crap

“opposites do attract” THE LOVE IN HIS EYES I CANT

HOMECOMING I CANT THEY ACTUALLY LOOK THE SAME

the fact that they made Ricky’s hair darker for the Valentine’s Day part is actually crazy

“wow” part 1

Raisenets are nasty

i wanna see kourtneys instagram like I bet it’s so cute

why the freak does Dani want to know about Ricky like hop off he’s in a very serious relationship

”WISH WE WERE CUDDLING” omg WHAT (tho tbh… that would be sooo cute. I want a spin-off of just rina. No one else. Just rina one shots irl)

[fictionfixations]

part 2 of the new book 7 update cause i have more mystium

spoilers of course part 1

part 3 the final part

the way i just got the widest smile at this

anyway i forgot to mention it last post but knowing that they were just kinda left alone while everyone went to nrc makes me really sad. like first silver and sebek without lilia and malleus (they have sebbies family tho)

and then silver left next year. sebek all alone. he has his family still but like. man. gone for a year.

and in that time he was alone he got his signature spell and worked hard on it not wanting any of them to know about it until he got better at it, but it also meant that they never knew he could do that because they werent there and im just sad :( and it sometimes makes me wish at least silver and sebek were the same age so they couldve gone the same year and sebek didnt have to be without their company for so long

fshuidf i clicked past it like a dumbass but heres anther instance of baur saying he'll swallow them whole similar to sebek's battle start line

going to cry now because what the fuck 100k hp i hate myself my strongest units are really low hp BEAT THEIR ASS GEN LILIA oh my god they do so much damage im going to cry good news is i dont think theres another battle after this so this is.. fine.

and this time i didnt head straight to it and miss all the buffs from like the camps and stuff 💀 also i actually have more built cards this time before this i only had like one other casualty, that being the dorm sebek they give you (i only managed to have him duo off of gen lilia once and then i never got the spells to line up after that and then he died). so now its my whole team + dorm sebek thanking myself for leveling the spells of the other riddles i got that i did for no reason other then cause i like riddle (no intention of actually using them considering i already have a perfectly fine dorm riddle) LMFAO also thank battlemap for letting you bring a shit ton of characters. i havent used epel in forever 😭(rook is also VERY underleveled lmfao)

also im a dumbass i kept using the healing spells first turn.. ..but it didnt even do anything because i need to take damage first so its like. why did i do that. did i think id get my health lost in a previous battle back..?????

😱

aww the sparkles bruhs accomplished his lifes dream and i am here for it 👍

NOO GUYS LISTEN TO HIMM

he gave us his cloak 🥺

know i said id set my homescreen to sebek but... this feels more fitting

i wish that you didnt have to complete a book to get the backgrounds. i want my book 7 backgrounds with the music :(((

like i want. the the the. yknow when silver is confident in lilias love for him again and in the background you hear like i think once upon a dream? or i saw a prince(?? idk the other name for it its just what ive heard) and i. i want that. it also played when we see the dawn knight in the the the area where you travel across dreams where he smiled and then faded away

i dont have lilias room so silver will have to do

i need two more mystium aghhhhh the wait is insufferable but since im almost finished im gonna wait before posting

i watched someone go through the story on jp and i just remember stressing out so bad because holy fuck what happened what do we do. like i was feeling that stress of AHH GOTTA GET EGG AWAY and worry over maleanor but now i know what happened so im a little less stressed. im still stressed in the sense of FUCK YOU FUCK YOU BATTLES but like.. im not hanging in suspense anymore

anyway i think im gonna end it after battlemap is finished and do another post for the chapters outside of battlemap. especially because i dont want to hit the image limit. i cant remember if theres another battlemap but i dont THINK there should be.

anyway questioning why im making another post when i ended first post pretty early and couldve edited it? because people whove already seen it wont see it again 💀 and i mean if they wanna see book 7 stuff when the update only happened like 3 hours ago then ok ill show you what i can and make it visible enough for you to notice in the event youve already seen the other post

anyway while im waiting for one more mystium im warning you that if you cried the last update, to prepare to cry again. book 7 is just really sad man.

okay im gonna stop it here on THIS post (i will still be playing) and keep an eye out for part 3 with the rest (assuming theres not more story then i can make images of)

[youdontknowwheretogofromhere]

Monday, September 23, 2024 8:42 pm

so

i didn’t go to school today :P i’ve been sick since friday and it’s gotten a little better i guess. i was sooo sick friday i literally couldn’t stand up, i was so hot and sweaty it was gen disgusting

anyways, I’m still sick and i’ve been having loads of nosebleeds so that sucks, thats actually why i didn’t want to go to school cuz i was scared of my nose bleeding in the middle of class and most of my teachers don’t have tissues so id just be kinda fucked

sorry for swearing, I’m just a little runt you know? i also have homework due tomorrow that i’ve had since like thursday to do and i haven’t done it soo

as you know per my last post, I’m 16(i don’t remember if i said that lol) and I’m such a fucking loser i know but i’ve got a boyfriend(?) for the first time(ill explain later) but i’ve met him on discord cuz i was super desperate and whatever

and i’ve met him

changing the song I’m listening to hold on

i’ve met him about a little more than a month ago(i’ve been trying to make more bad decisions lately) actually i want to expound up l

sorry my nose started bleeding a little bit

i want to expound upon that more. i felt like i’ve been too responsible my whole life, like internet safety meant the world to me and shit. but then i was like, am i missing out? not that i want bad shit to happen to me, but i feel like everyone has does stupid internet shit once in their life so like i want it too?? and i feel a little more stupid because like my actions lack authenticity so it’s so much lamer. like if i was some 16 year old kid that’s just so desperate for a relationship they date some internet because they haven’t thought about the repercussions then it’s like a thing to look back on and ittle be like “ohh i was such a dumb kid hahah” but since i know what I’m doing i just look like a dumb fuck.

it’s not even that i don’t like the guy, he’s really nice to me and he acts like he really likes me. idk if he’s lying to get something out of me but I’m just gonna pretend it’s real for now and hope it goes well for me

that sounds really sad lol. i just mean like he’s the only person ever in my life that has acted attracted to me and everything so like ther

changed the song again

there’s something there that’s keeping me instead of just letting me realize this is a really bad idea and i shouldn’t just block him or something. he’s got something up with him and maybe i’ll complain about it another day but

OMG ALSO like 20 minutes ago i asked him if he wanted to call and he didn’t answer cuz ig he’s too busy playing dark souls 1 or something. which only pisses me off cuz it took a lot out of me to even ask. i have social anxiety(idk what it is actually) but like i feel like genuine pain when i have to speak to people and reaching out to him almost made my heart explode, which it does all the time. and ive been trying to make an effort to be braver and talk to people more but its so hard. its been working tho, I’m actually able to start and somewhat hold a conversation now. actually the only reason we r even talking rn is cuz i was trying to get better at social interaction. like the third time he dmed me, i considered not responding and just ghosting him but i was like, “NO. YOU NEED TO COMMIT TO THIS.” so i did and now we are like dating(?)

to explain the question marks, and i still haven’t gotten over this. he asked me one day if we were together or something along those lines then i was like “i though we were already together” and he’s all like “well if we were together i think we would text more”

and omg it pissed me off to no end. THE GUY WHO CANT TEXT ME FIRST SAYS WE NEED TO TALK MORE. ARE TOU FUCKING SERIOUS??? like dude so we aren’t dating in ur book unless we talk more(and this is after he said we were taking things slow, which i[how do i do italics] thought was code for casual dating) and then won’t fucking talk to me unless i say something

and I’m only complaining cuz he’s older than me(he’s 18) and has also been in a relationship before( also told me one time that i was acting like his ex and i almost shot and killed myself) like dude, i already told you about my anxiety and shit

whatever anyways it’s been like 30 minutes and he still hasn’t said anything. who cares. i didn’t. even want to call him anyways

what really sucks is i really like him and think about him all the time and idk and i haven’t called him in like a week T-T

I’m so fucking lame god

okay i don’t think i have any more things to complain about so i hope you all have a good day/night/morning! i love you. i really do love you. you took the time to read my stupid ramblings and i really love you. god i want to cry but i can’t even cry anymore

should i start numbering these?

9:15 pm

[tryhardgwen]

rs archive 02/12/2024:

hello! reader with intense ‘all my love’ universe brainrot, I’m pretty sure your work actually changed my life lowkey HAHA I explored the music that you put into it and I can now say I’m listening to more 80s’ rock/alt and the song from the title was my top Spotify song for the last few weeks! (along with the 80s’ stuff heh) I literally made a playlist dedicated to this fic and I even was able to sorta reconnect a little with my older brother over the music which.. has shaped aspects of our siblingship..? (lol) now but I can’t thank you even more, I feel like the title itself reflects the amount of care and love you yourself put into this, anyways (sorry about the rambling LOL) I just wanted to reach out with a lowkey very angsty headcanon I had LMAO basically, and maybe because it was like semi recent idk I’m terrible with time HAHA, I was wondering/exploring how wooje’s birthdays were celebrated while he was still in his no-contact era away from home. I thought that it would be a day everyone would always remember and it would be this unspoken heavy weight that intensified the almost-family’s longing for their baby, I was like maybe minseok would bake his favorite flavor of cake or whatever and just have it sit on their dining table untouched, staring at it and spacing out till minhyung brought him back, or maybe all of them would meet up and just do something as a collective that reminded them of wooje without saying anything but would kinda wait to see who would be the first to say his name out loud. at the same time wooje celebrating with jojo, the idea of jojo just failing to attempt to bake smth for wooje and somehow trying to incorporate mayonnaise into it (ew I’m sorry HAHA) always makes me smile (cause I don’t wanna dump too much angst LOL) but anyways those were just some thoughts I had circulating my head along with ones just regarding more deeply on what the almost family had experienced and felt during this distance (ofc feel free to give your input), as always I’m so thankful for your amazing writing and I’m always supporting and heavily admiring your work, take care of yourself! <3

okay i think you blew my mind with this submit um. thank you. you're welcome? im so happy you loved the music and i am so. SO happy/glad/astonished that you managed to reconnect with your older brother. bonding over music>>> (also um wow.)

as for the headcanon ih my GOD just stab me through the heart will you?? THATS SO ANGSTY... HELP MEEE... tho minseok in aml universe is such an interesting character because like... while wooje is no functioning/low functioning depression, minseok is definitely high functioning depression. he pretends nothings wrong but he's still falling apart on the inside. during the four years he mainly focuses on starting his business and working every day. hes a people pleaser. i think really the only person he would ever open up to would be minhyung, really. everything he does is unspoken from caring for woojes grandpa to cleaning woojes house when it became vacant. he'll do things and not talk about the reasoning or emotions behind them. he bottles stuff up until he explodes. while this headcanon is so good and sad i honestly think they wouldnt do anything in particular..? i mean, itd be a harder day for them. they miss him, so any time of year wooje would typically be in--birthdays, halloween, christmas--would be hard. rather than an outward display of their heartache i think it'd be more internal. they feel lonelier than usual, so minhyung and minseok would have each other, and hyunjoon would probably go to sanghyeok's and seongwoong's for dinner. they just cant be alone, because theres a wooje-shaped hole there. but all that being sad, four years is a long time. it gets a little easier each year. it hurts a little more each milestone. i think, when woojes gone, they do talk about him in passing, though its a tough subject at times. you know, sometimes its cheery and "i wonder how woojes doing!" and other times its.. "i wonder how hes doing." back and forth. some have healed more from it than others. i think its a partly healed scar until he arrives back home, and he sort of rips them open again (but thats sort of necessary to properly patch it back up. like they were wonky and badly fitted stitches that didnt allow for proper healing.) whew that was an accidental paragraph im so sorry.

as for jojo he is so low effort he probably buys a safeway cake and they eat it with their hands. cutie pies :> i love them

again, thank you soo much for the comment and the headcanon i loved them so much and brainrotted and though abt it bc... i never really thought about how they would treat woojes birthdays before this!! im so glad and so touched you like this fic so much. i hope you have an amazing day <3

[sentofight]

ooc. this always makes me sad because m.achina always viewed himself sort of inferior to class zero. even though if you look at the stats of the whole class, machina does not ever fall behind them that much. I mean look.

second to highest HP after Nine.

MP he is fourth!

Attack/ strength he is Third! (technically this would probably bother him as fuck because the two who are stronger for him are not 'conventionally looking strong' you know. jack is the haha hehe guy. cinque is the eeeh~ so nano~ girl and that pisses him off like YOU GUYS ARE NOT TAKING THIS SERIOUS GDI! shoutout to poteighto for being 4th lmao)

Same defense same offence, third. a balanced guy if you ask me.

bats eyelashes at deuce twinning the fire magic wehehe Second for fire! Kind of ...foreshadowing the Phoenix motif of rebirth a little bit hahahaahahaha aahahahaha ahahahaha FROM ASHES HE RISE--technically miss arecia was like mm oke wake up bitch.

Ice magic is behind at 4th and ... looks to the side you know you know. you know you know. winks.

We're crying in the club twining with Sice at 3rd sobs for lighting magic. Listen, i wish the game had more chances for the cadets to interact more. like the break time before missions, wish it had more options for you to spend the time with each other. Machina and Rem deserved more chummy chummy time with their classmates--at least Rem more since Machy was doing the emo dont wanna be your friends blegh attitude. smh.

the lowest stat is his magic defense ...remembers that time when he got barbequed by Celestia's summon lol

so, in a way machina shouldn't feel 'less' than class zero yet he does. the thing that makes you go angry and feral is that he could've been just fine if it weren't for the meddling of adults. 1)arecia fucking up rem's health condition 2) consortium of eight fight arecia through striking a 'deal' [aka use him] with machina to spy on C0 and tell him all about izana's death 3) consortium of eight literally blackmailing him with rem's safety and her well-being 4) honestly fucking fight me but kurasame not actually noticing the deal with machina like bruh you are the captain sir he is being blackmailed sir help him YOU SEE YOURSELF IN HIM, RIGHT ? HELP HIM 5) fucking arecia man just arecia making every thing easier for him to fall into despair 6) yall khalia if you think about it he fucked up real time for allowing things to go under his nose like that 7) his previous class captain. idc if they dont care about him even tho he moved class then are you really a good captain???? 8) i know i will fight myself for this but ...izana. even if machina said dont talk to me does not mean he should give up on talking to his little brother .. if anything, had izana been insistent on his little brother a lot of things wouldn't have affected him.

listen, i won't say it is entirely izana's fault, machina is an idiot and he kept pushing izana's attempts but think about it who is the older? who should know that he is handling a traumatized child? machina was never out of that house ... believe it or not, he is still in that house trapped with many milites soldiers aiming their rifles at him and rem. he saw a woman die--who is she? his mother but he cant remember her. he only remember "Izana" where are you ? ...save me. rip me.

SOMEONE TAKE MACHINA OUT OF THAT HOUSE NOW HELP HIM WAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAA

[ghost-of-the-machine]

i had a bad dream and it was a bad dream because it really wasnt that bad

it was about brian, he came back to me again and i. was mad but he owned up to his mistakes and he missed the attention i gave him and i missed giving it and i fucking went back to him and i felt butterflies and. i lingered too long, i wanted to stay

it makes me so SICK no matter how far i denounce him, it doesnt matter if i never think of him much, my brain cant let him go for some reason. why do you miss that? i was so miserable, i was being used. he ADMITTED that he didnt want me to be happy with anyone else and that he wouldnt try to make me happy at all so?

why do i still feel like i want him? its so hard to shake.. i do want him. i really dont, but i miss the attention, even if it was nothing at all. even if the closest thing i could get to any kind of affection was an "aw" when i was sad, i wouldve PUT UP WITH IT for him. i told him that, i told him i would deal with it if he could just.. sincerely apologize to me. for yknow. sexting a teenager!! but he didnt. he wouldnt. he said he couldnt apologize if he didnt mean it

my head still tries to make little fantasy scenarios with him, where everything turned out well and he could change and we could. what??? be happy together? yeah right. he didnt like you fat, didnt like you as a man and only entertained it longer cuz even if yr a man, you still have a cunt and thats what he wanted. annoying as fuck

i just wish i could let it go!!!!! why do i dream about him? and why are they good dreams? dreams that make me wake up with this sense of yearning, something i REALLY need to kill right away like. as fast as possible

im not going back to him i never ever will im . ive never been happier!!! when i left it felt like the end of the world and i was so depressed but ive NEVER FELT BETTER. i have people who actually love me now

and also??? he always pulled this shit talking about how i was a problem for him too, bitch?????? i was 16, you were talking to a 16 yr old with undiagnosed bpd of course im not gonna act RATIONALLY im fucking scared!!!! i was so scared!!! that first night when we met and like. 10 minutes after asking me how old i was it got sexual like IMMEDIATELY and it. felt nice but i was still scared. he doesnt even REMEMBER that conversation, but its burned into my brain. if you want a mature partner then maybe talk to an adult 🥳

i miss the attention, yes, but i dont miss how it made me feel. i dont miss the way it made my guts turn, made me shake. makes me shake just thinking about it. its the same reason i panic on fucking GRINDR, having people interested in me in that way is scary, it reminds me of him. i? i dont know.. its like whenever i get into sexual situations if its not approached gently i get SCARED, scared as if i was a kid again. it wasnt just him, after all. i wish i could just.. grow up? i wish that i didnt get so scared but i know its not my fault, i know that. whatever happened to me, i should have been PROTECTED. i shouldve been safe, but i wasnt

and it makes me so fucking angry? i never told anyone then because i knew that if i told my family, theyd blame me. and i LOVED him, i didnt want anything bad to happen to him, even if what he was doing was so horribly bad for me. i used to talk vaguely about him with my therapist and i started to frustrate her, thats why i dont go anymore. she would get frustrated because she didnt know what my problem is. I KNOW what my problem is, i just.. i was still talking to him, i was trying to approach it in a way that would protect him, even if he didnt deserve it

man. i hate being a tool for people, like genuinely. so tired of it.. yeah, tell me all about yr problems and ill be there to comfort you and listen. never ask about mine tho! never never never. you can ask me for nudes or pictures of my underwear, force me to roleplay with you even tho ive made it clear i dont really like it. ill do it to get you off! im so.

im glad i left. it was a good choice, he made me completely fucking miserable. very few times have i gone thru so much pain it literally forces me to dissociate from my body and view myself from above but! asking someone like that to apologize for uhh idk a crime? guess thats TOO FAR, tried sayin "erm well actually age of consent laws are higher in the us then a lot of countries ☝🤓" kill yourself!!!! like actually!!!!! im glad hes always miserable, i hope it never gets better for him ever

thats the worst part about it. is if it wasnt me, i would absolutely advocate for his death. because hes the kind of person i fucking despise, hes the absolute worst person to me. but i just.. i have a hard time extending that to him because he was awful to ME. he was mine and i used to love him!! i should hate him, and i do, i just wish it came as easy as hating any other predator

hated the way he acted when we argued tho, he tried gaslighting me before. you do not gaslight someone with bpd!!!!! cuz i fucking remember!! i read into everything anyone does extra of COURSE ill remember what happened. tried telling me i initiated it when i literally didnt cuz i knew better!!! i knew i shouldnt be talking to adults, but.. i did it anyways. that fucks me up a lot, it makes me blame myself. i knew i shouldnt, but the attention felt too nice, i didnt want to lose it and LOOK where it got me. permanently altered 🥳 nice job.

will NEVER let him blame me tho, cuz he started it. we separated like 4 times, and EACH TIME, he came back. am i that good? fuck if i know cuz it never felt like i was. probably missed getting his dick wet to our messages honestly. cuz when i was finally 18 he came back and immediately made it sexual again. im ashamed that i didnt stop him

i remember we argued because he thought i was irrational in thinking he would do bad things to me considering he literally told me before "so, consent doesnt matter between us, right?" ??????? im irrational for that?? do you even hear yrself? idk it just. pisses me off i hate him, i wish i could permanently kill the part of my brain that dreams of him fondly because it doesnt happen often but when it does it ruins my whole day

i just. i was too immature to be in a relationship with, but mature enough to be sexted every night? make it make sense!!!!! ik this is a lot, i just. need it off my chest so i can go back to normal. i wish it didnt affect me still but it does. i wish i could have fun!!!! wish i wasnt scared of getting sexual without randomly getting this intense sharp FEAR, fear that shoves me back and makes me run. i want to HEAL from this, i dont want to be like this anymore it fucking sucks. i feel like he ruined me. he'd roll his eyes at that

[amiaboyoragirl]

alone

i dont have any friends. i live at home with emotionally unavailable parents and my brother, who is my only semi trusted person. we are really close and honestly if i didnt have him i wouldnt be alive but we definitely butt heads and i feel bullied by him even though he doesnt mean to hurt my feelings hes just a blunt ass bitch and 6.5 years younger than me but the dynamic is basically im a big baby he feels the need to take care of. and were codependent with weed nicotine and money/food. im a mess and cant get a job, he does instacart when hes not stoned af at home. hes the only person i interact with during the day other than awkward convos with my mom complaining about something and at least once a day i have to hug my dad which makes me very uncomfortable because 1. im autistic. 2. i have sexual trauma 3. he has traumatized me so bad but either doesnt remember or doesnt think it was traumatic (didnt involve incest but he was too involved in my personal business and forced me on birth control that fucked up my health for a while when the incident that caused him to flip was asault but my mom just slut shamed me and yeah anyway my relationship with them is fucked) but i have ocd and if i dont hug them i feel like theyre gonna die after that thinking idont love them because they cant see any other reason why i wouldnt hug them. and honestly im touch starved so a hug is nice here and there but my body is so uncomfortable here. ive lived here my whole life and i feel helpless. im sure it is learned helplessness because of trauma but still i cannot fucking function outside in the world alone.

i also have tits that make me uncomfortable and im currently trying to figure out if i feel this way because im trans or because of trauma and the general sexualization of the female body and social dynamics idk. i also just got out of a 3.5 year relationship with someone i thought i was going to marry and shit but i felt like i was a lesbian and broke up with him even though i didnt want to lose him i knew he wouldnt love me the way i loved him or if i was a guy inside he wouldnt love me anymore. i know he loved me. but a lot of it feels fuzzy and i cant decipher what was real or if it was all chemicals cuz we fucked and smoked and ate and watched tv and talked all the time. the sex was fucking amazing. sometimes i cry about it still. and i still cant touch myself without thinking about him and just forcing myself to dissociate through it and sleep immediately after. ive always been a sex addict since i was way too fucking young but before this relationship i was sleeping with multiple guys all the time, i needed it to get through going to school and work and keeping up the mask. but then covid hit. met my ex. realized we are autistic. i couldnt keep pretending and forcing myself to work in a fucking restaurant that was sensory hell and triggered my eating disorder. ughhhhh god dammit i know im just romanticizing my ex relationship because im missing the sex and affection and talking to him but realistically we werent going to last and i still feel like we both were hiding some feelings or thoughts we had idk i think he couldve been a narcasisstic asshole but my heart doesnt feel that way, maybe im the narcasist and hes just audhd and traumatized just like me. idk fuck. i miss him so much. we were doing so good like finally things felt peachy again and looking up for us even tho in reality it wasnt we were and are still broke addicts too stubborn to get help. but it was fun while it lasted i guess.

anyway i feel like a rabbit in a hole running out of food and water while the world dances in the snow covering the exit. idk. i havent eaten breakfast yet and i already smoked twice so im sure ill eat and sleep this shit off but idk the thing that gets me everyday is i wake up from a dream i feel like im with my ex and then wake up alone and sad as fuck and it just ruins my day because i let it, i dont want to let go of the pain, of him, i fucking miss him and wish things could be different. we always said we wanted to die holding each other in bed like that couple preserved in pompeii. my chest is on fire right now and if i could just have one more night together id do anything. we have the same birthday so that sucks. i wanted to say happy birthday but it felt way too soon and idk if itd ruin his day or not but iwas def sad all day. we broke up 2 months ago now and havent spoken since but i saw him twice waiting to cross the street while i drove by and my heart sank to my ass. he looked good af. but i have to be honest with myself its not my responsibility to try to make him not angry and act like a man child sometimes. and its not fair tohim to feel responsible for my moods all the time we just couldnt take care of eachother the way we needed because we are both depleted of what we need idk. im going back to sleep. im just feeling emo we shouldnt get back together but i feel like i cant trust my brain because im bpd and pmdd and i always feel this way around my period, we break up then my periods over and im sad as fuck about it and regret it. its too late now im sure hes lost any interest in me and has moved on.good for him. he should. i actually really hope hes happy right now. but i know i didnt feel completely right with him so fuck it ill just try to move on. i just wish i could be normal and have a job or school and friends stuff to distract myself and have new memories but im so isolated rn and depressed idk. i might feel fine tomorrow so i wont kms lol. bpd is sooo fun. especially with gender and sexuality ocd and just wanting to be loved but feeling so unlovable ayyyyy.. i could feel hot after breakfast who knows.

[boyfhee]

i woke up, went on tumblr.com like one does, and the first thing i see is “to you, with love” reblogged for me. 

so i closed the app. screamed a bit into a pillow. and came back to write this.

THE THING IS.. i read that work, im pretty sure i even left an ask but it was more shy, timid (?)in a sense - “thank u, this was beautiful ,i cried.”cuz i was overwhelmed lol <- the lol is to make is seem more causal as if my heart didnt feel like it was punched ^^

but i remember vividly going through heeseung hashtag and seeing this for the first time.. and the title was cute, i was like “oh fluff”. i had not read the genre or warnings notes before diving into it….

so u can imagine my reaction to this sentence…

“however, heeseung’s death changed that for you.” BTW  ofc the best time to read angst its dead into the night with taylor swift playing on my headphones :>

if i remember correctly, you deleted it (?) and then posted it again? i read it the very first time it was uploaded. this might have been a changing point cuz i didn't read angst.. not in it full potential like that before this and know im knees deep 

i finished reading it. and time kinda froze. the concept of hearing the voice of the love of your life. when things were good, were fine. i wept. BUT hearing them talk about what future could hold for both of u? knowing what u know now? literally curled with my phone in my hand and bawled my eyes out

promises… the forever heartbreaking factor of life.. what are they? meant to be broken or kept.. maybe neither.. i hate them… they give false hope for those who long and yearn to be reassure and make u believe that a single person could hold such a power over the universe… well, heeseung certainly couldn't.. no matter how genuinely his heart was beating while he said “forever”

wow, im in my feels again, i just loved it, truly loved it and cherished it for so long, in my own little world with spiraling thoughts about this, 

thank u thank u thank u  thank u!!!!!!!!!!! ur works mean the world to me

im sorry for making u sad with my ask, but i cant help it :] u made me feel too much !!!!!!!!!!

i loved the poem. the flashbacks from the fic hit me like a truck. whats ur favorite poem? ^^ i would love to read some if u have a recommendation

thanks for the little career stuff note, i appreciate it a lot truly

thank u in general, ure the coolest writer,  love u too 

ps. hee angst ?? i might die tho

                                               - > swift anonie ♡♡♡

ANON MAY I INTEREST YOU IN ANOTHER THOUGHT I HAD . about 'to you, my love' being set after 'if lovesick was a person' 😁😁 IT FITS SO WELL im so devastated actually . and that's why they tell u to read the warnings but who am i to say bc i straight up jump to the content ( i like surprises ) also i didn't delete it, my brother deleted my whole acc before i remade under the same user and reposted it 😭 oh but im so honoured that was the beginning of your angst reading arc, you should not be missing out on such a genre

and ur thoughts on promises, umm i can't say you're all wrong but i think they can serve as a driving force to do something? like some sort of motivation, or a reason idk . obvs, not saying that empty promises should be made. actually i dont have any opinion here, head empty. please never apologise for sending sad asks or wtv, i enjoy reading ur thought processes ure really really cool 🫵💗 as for poem recs hmm; i wandered lonely as a cloud by willian wordsworth, cadabianca by felicia dorothea hemans, la belle dame sams merci by john keats, rain before dawn, on a play twice seen and marching streets by fitzgerlad ( anything by him and emily dickinson is worth reading ) that's all i have on the top of my head

and no, thank u for taking ur time to write these asks, you're even cooler than me fr ☝️