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pb-dot · 3 months ago

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Film Friday: No, Thanos is not Right, and did in fact, do Quite A lot Of Wrong

(Warning: This one is loooooooooong)

Another Essay this week, and I've chosen to go back in time a couple of years. The target year this time is the halcyon days of 2019, back when I still gave a shit about the MCU, when the ongoing energy of the Marvel movies still pushed engagement forward. You didn't have to watch all of the movies, but they were for the most part fairly well made and there were enough references and jokes that relied on them that you kinda wanted to anyway. Granted, they worked their CGI guys pretty hard, there was a certain cynical glibness to the humor, and their politics weren't great, but these problems had not metastasized into the massive fucksy-doos they are today yet. These were good days to like zoom punch action stories, and it was all leading up to something. The confrontation between Earth's Mightiest Heroes and the Objectively Scariest And Evilest Guy. The Mad Titan, Thanos who wants to kill half of the universe for... reasons.

Backstory and Adaptation, Or; You Can't Have a Big Titted Skeleton Nowadays

For the uninitiated, Thanos was a relatively big deal in Marvel Comic history. The Mad Titan, to put it plainly, LOVES Death. Now to be clear, when I say Thanos loves death, I don't mean that in the abstract "oh, motherfucker just loves killing" way. He is romantically attracted to the anthropomorphic representation of Death, who at the time was most often represented as a big-titted skeleton, although more conventionally attractive Goth Girl variants are available depending on who's illustrating.

Now how would a big purple demigod man from Saturn's moon Titan go about wooing a fundamental aspect of the universe like that? There's always dying an reincarnating a lot, but that seems risky even in a universe where the afterlife seemingly has revolving doors. No, Thanos decides that a way better way to get Death-Sempai to notice him is to kill a LOT of people. Now obviously you can't kill the entire universe because 1: that would include yourself which isn't ideal, and 2: if everyone's dead nobody will get born and thus nobody will ever die again, which one has to imagine Death would not be too chuffed about.

So, what grand gesture does the ube-colored kronian lad settle on? Why of course, gathering five artifacts of immense cosmic power, the Infinity Stones, and using their combined magic juice to kill half of the universe's population with a literal snap of his fingers, which he does. Now, thanks to some internal family politics and the appearance of one Adam Warlock this whole thing got undone, but it was a pretty big deal for the duration.

So, Thanos is one of those larger-than-life fuckers that's just hard to structure a modern story around because of the sheer byzantine bombast that surrounds him. To have a true-to-comics version, you have to introduce Mistress Death, as the big-titted skeleton is often called, and the worldbuilding implications of that, the thing that makes Thanos purple also makes him one of the Eternals so you have to introduce all of that business, the sheer cosmic vastness of the Infinity Gems (née Soul Gems) requires a bunch of explaining, and when it all comes down to it his plan is kind of shit.

Like, this isn't a joke. Thanos has one goal and one goal only and that's to clap some skeleton cheeks, and he doesn't even succeed. Notorious self-aware joke-man Deadpool starts developing a relationship to Mistress Death, which is a thing that can happen if characters meet up a lot, and few are as experienced with exploring dying and getting better than ol' Mr. Pool. Of course, Thanos curses Deadpool to never be able to truly die since he can't have this Undying Chucklefuck upstage him, but it only further underlines how entirely Thanos doesn't succeed. He's a bit of an incel, really, cooking up these grand romantic gestures for a person he isn't really in a relationship with.

Now, I don't know for a fact that there is some sort of editorial fiat in the MCU stating that villains have to be critical of one aspect of society but be Too Extreme About it as opposed to our Good Liberal Heroes Who are Just Right About Every Social Issue, but it certainly fits as an explanation for why that keeps happening. My point is, there isn't really a greater point about society being made with Thanos here, my heroic stretch to try to make it fit in the schemas of gender and sexuality politics in society as interpreted by the Profoundly Deranged notwithstanding. So, what do you do? Why, you make this lumpy space potato man an ecofascist, of course.

Ecofascism, Or; When All You Have Is A Hammer Everything is a Nail

Ecofascism is a relatively recent term, but the trend that it is built upon is as old as fascism itself. In essence, I would describe it as using enviromentalist rhetoric and buzzwords to further an agenda of authoritarian discriminatory and genocidal politics. You see this idea pop up a lot. There's too many people on earth, and just everyone can reproduce which is bad. We eat and we eat until everything is ruined. Humanity is the virus. We need a new plague, etc etc.

What's so insidious about these lines of thinking is that it exploits the hopelessness of attempting to fight for the climate and further habitability of this particular biosphere and boils it down to a very, very simple thought. There are people who are undesirable and if we could just remove them (somehow) then we would save our people the planet.

You see this most clearly here in the west when we discuss the weight of the various climate sins of various countries. China keeps popping up a lot, as the Chinese economy grows towards the point where it can supply its middle class with similar levels of excess that the middle class in the west can enjoy. Now, yes, that leads to growing un-sustainability as the excesses of conspicuous consumption are... well documented to say the least. Where the ecofascist plies his insidious trade is in framing this data in the terms of "there needs to stop being so many Chinese people because they are as bad for the environment as Western People and there's More Of Them," and not, say "the way the middle class in the west consumes is hella unsustainable and we should fucking stop it before this standard kills us all." I.E "The current System is fine as long as it only benefits the Right People" and not "The Current System is Bad And Unfair and balanced on a razor's edge over the abyss and Maybe We Should Change That Somewhat."

For further reading on the topic, I think Philosophy Tube's "Climate Grief" video covers things rather well (I should also warn that this video is from PT pre-coming out/ public transition, just in case you're unfamiliar with her earlier work.)

For a good and very relevant example of how ecofascism might be expressed in practice, look no further than the Malthusian Problem and it's originator Thomas Robert Malthus. Malthus had the idea that while humanity's ability to produce food scales linearly with population, population growth is exponential. This implies that at some point it is inevitable that population growth outstrips humanity's ability to feed its teeming masses, which, if prolonged by, you know, giving a shit whether poor people die of starvation, could lead to even greater disasters up to and including total collapse of society. Intense stuff, but also not really backed by data. Part of that, of course, is that we've learned some REALLY neat tricks in agriculture in the years since Malthus famous wrongness ended with his death in 1834, but even without that, the self-interested callousness of this analysis should be self-evident.

To bring this back to Marvel Land, Thanos in the MCU is motivated by the same kind of merciless quote-unqoute altruism that lay behind Malthus ideas. There's just too dang many people, according to Thanos, there's only so many Resources (nonspecific resources) available in a finite universe. It is an act of mercy, according to this grape Koolaid motherfucker, to kill half of all people, and things will be fixed (somehow, more on that later.) All it takes, no, all it requires is a big enough, bad enough, sad enough dad.

The Rad Bad Sad Dad, or; The New Masculinity in pop culture

There's been a shift in what being a man means in pop culture this last decade. You can most easily detect it in video games, in part, I would argue, because demographic trends have lined up in such a way to shift perspectives that inform the writing, and in part because video game writing being younger and less refined, thus the most open leaving its tropes in the open. Keep in mind, this is not a diss, just an observation, the genre of text for video games is younger than its closest comparisons by quite a lot, it stands to reason there's less generational knowledge and nuance to it as a result.

You can tell this shift, I would argue, because the standard male protagonist has stopped being a white brown haired man in his late 20s who navigates worlds of wild and untamed violence with smug detachment and every-man-like charm, the kind of character one might expect a 20-or 30-something who is single and ready to mingle to write, if I may be uncharacteristically judgy for a bit.

When we now imagine a stock-standard video game protagonist, though, things have changed. Not so much demographically, no, these characters are still written by the same 20- and 30-somethings, they're just pushing 40/50 and have a family now. So, instead, we get what I call the Rad Bad Sad Dad. You know this guy. He's good at violence, REALLY good at it, the Rad and the Bad, but he's disillusioned by a cold and uncaring world, that's the Sad part, and he is the father, or father-figure of some variant of Innocent, and he is willing to burn the world to the ground for their sake if it comes to that, that's the Dad part.

Now this isn't me criticizing this trend either for the record, just pointing out that the change reflects a perspective change in the average creator. It has led to some very good stories. The Last Of Us, for whatever other flaws that game had, squeezes a LOT of pathos out of a cynical, dangerous man growing to love a young girl like she was his daughter. Unfortunately, I would argue, it has also led to Earth's Mightiest Heroes staring slack-jawed at a genocidal madman rather than rebuking him with any of the MANY readily apparent counterarguments to his bullshit.

A truncated list of the ways in which Thanos 1: Is Wrong and 2: Does Wrong

Here, I would argue, we come to what is wrong with Thanos in the MCU. It isn't bad to have a villain with genocidal goals per se, punching nazis is as important today as it was in the 40s after all, but having a villain you're supposed to empathize with in his quest to preform a genocide is generally considered a bad move. A move so bad, in fact, that one of the funniest comedies in the world, is about exactly this.

And yet, the MCU can seemingly not help itself but make an unironic Springtime for Thanos. "Isn't he sad," says Infinity War, "this lumbering purple space dad, willing to do what nobody else can do, what needs to be done?" "Look! He cries because he had to kill his own daughter on Planet Fridge to get the requisite number of Magical Space Tic-Tacs with which he plans to kill half of all life in the universe." Oh, except she's his adopted daughter because he killed half her planet's population and enjoyed her 'tude. Also, she's the last survivor of her people now (feel free to fact check me on this, Guardians Of The Galaxy 1 refers to Gamora as the last survivor of her species in the lineup), turns out killing 50% of the population had the side effect of... killing the other half also over time. Great, huh?

Now this here is what kills me about these fucking movies. There are several Doylist reasons why Thanos and his so sad and serious genocide quest is unconscionable, but even from a Watsonian perspective his shit does not make sense. But OK, maybe the Gamora thing is a plot hole. James Gunn didn't read the Lore Notes all the way through and ended up introducing a near-ironclad counterargument to Thanos' bullshit by accident. These things happen, and the most readily available fix is to pretend they never happened and/or the character who said it was Just Wrong. It doesn't end there, though, not by a long shot.

Let's talk numbers for a second. If you, today, were to halve the population of the earth. Do you know how many years that would set back the population growth, provided, of course, that the trauma of such an event didn't kill off or cripple humanity outright of course? It'd bring us back to the population level of the mid-70's! After a genocide that'd outshine even the most horrid acts of violence against humanity in sheer scope, you'd have pushed earth's theoretical kill screen back about a man's age. Good job, you Malthusian fuck. Round of applause for the Difficult Man that makes the Hard Choices, everybody clap for the edgy clown.

There is, of course, also the ethical arguments against killing functionally incalculable masses for an ill-defined goal of a thankful (and somehow sustainable?????) universe, but I'm not going to say much on that, in part because this is one the Infinity War duology mostly covers on it's own. Say what you want about Captain America, he at least knows to on occasion say Good Guy shit.

Now to be clear, my issue here isn't that the primary movers and shakers in Infinity Wars doesn't read Thanos to filth on how shit his plan is. That's fine, the main protagonists of the MCU are Moral People first and Smart People second, but what kills me is that NOBODY, and I mean ABSOLUTELY nobody comes with a single question about the practical or mathematical realities involved here. Like Spider-Man wouldn't be web-slinging around the city bus Thanos threw at him going "You are aware that earth's population has more than doubled since the early 70's right?" and making some sort of crack on the math curriculum on Titan, or War Machine or one of the more practically-minded heroes wouldn't at least ask earnestly "wait, why can't you use your functionally infinite power to create ways for life to live sustainably?"

Mais non. Nobody questions a single of the extremely rickety axioms in Thanos' plan. Not once. Not a single time. There's more time dedicated to why the Avengers, now equipped with a time machine, don't just go back to murder baby Thanos in the crib than whether the big bad space man's plan makes any fucking sense.

Breaks in formula, Or; Why Endgame kind of cocks it up

So, what's the big issue. The villain is REALLY bad and his plan doesn't make sense, big woop, right? Well, I would argue that the Thanos problem doesn't arise from how bad and wrong Thanos is, but rather how the heroes of the Marvelverse react to him, or rather should I say, how they don't.

Superhero conflict in the MCU can, I would argue, be understood as dialectic. The hero has a Thesis about the world at the outset, T'chala considers himself a righteous king in a line of righteous kings tasked with upholding the world his forefathers created for him and is then confronted with an antithesis in the form of the play's villain, Killmonger views the previous rulers of Wakanda craven isolationists content with stacking up their utopia while the world burns and people suffer. While the hero and the base kindness that informs their actions win out in the end, their perspective on the conflict is a meld of their own and the villain's, a synthesis if you will, T'chala will reign as king, but he will do what he thinks is right for Wakanda, to take her out of isolation and seek to better the world through their superior technology.

In Infinity War this doesn't really happen, neither for the overarching story with the protagonists, nor for the Thanos-headed sub-story. There's no real meaningful compromise that can be made between "Killing half of the universe is good, actually :)" and "Killing people is wrong :(" after all. This isn't a problem on its own, I'd claim, but the fact that the movie low-key presents itself as an attempt of finding such a middle ground is... disappointingly evocative of modern political discourse, let's just say.

It is jarring, is the thing, to see Steve "Captain America" Rogers be unable to say anything of moral weight against a genocidal space ube. To see Tony "The only expert on Unlimited Free Energy" Stark not even question the axiom that there's no such thing as a sustainable universe without this barbarous culling. They oppose Thanos on account of all the killing, but when it comes to the ideals side of thing they let the man win on walk-over. Part of this probably arises from how Infinity War does the whole "penultimate part is dark as FUCK bit, as Thanos' quest to attain all the Infinity Stones succeed, and not even a Hail Mary attempted murder from Thor manages to save the day. What exacerbates the problem, though, is how much of a mess the follow-up finale Endgame is. Now don't get me wrong, it's a fanservice all you can eat buffet, and in terms of honoring the legacy of the MCU and all of that it does what it's supposed to. As an answer to Infinity War, though, it is a mess. Our heroes never get their footing back in the moral department, as timeline shenanigans see "our" Thanos dead within the first 15 minutes, and a separate, but functionally identical mad titan brought over from a parallel timeline.

Now time travel bullshit in superhero media is about as old as the genre itself, but let's just look at this choice for a moment. The "new" Thanos is from a diverging timeline before he gathered all of the infinity stones. "New Thanos'" big plot is essentially, upon seeing that the universe is indeed not thankful but gearing up to kick his periwinkle ass post-snap, decides that if that's how they want to play he'll just destroy the entire universe this time around and see how they like that. Now, this works as a response to Infinity Wars Thanos only in that it confirms the very "no duh" notion that nobody will be particularly grateful to someone who killed half of their friends pretty much regardless of the quote unqoute facts they cite to justify it. The fact that this new reality isn't a lick more sustainable than the old one? Not commented on. Any meaningful consequences of Thanos' action outside of the particular ways it has touched the lives of our heroes? I guess there are signs here and there, but largely not commented on.

See this is what kills me with the New Thanos and that time travel nonsense. It's a get out of plot consequence free card. The MCU wanted to have its cake and have a larger-than-life villain with conviction, and eat it too, have a villain audiences can in part sympathize with, and even think is cool. This process leads us to such farce as Endgame having Thanos musing "You couldn't live with your failure and where did it bring you? Back to me," like he isn't throwing a fucking omnicidal tantrum at not being worshiped for being willing to kill a truly staggering amount of people make the Hard Choices. And again, absolutely nobody calls him on this. For all the quips in the wold, not even iron man notes that this is the pot calling the kettle black, because Thanos is Beyond Quipping. He is a Serious Man with a Serious Plan (a Serious Plan, incidentally, plotted by a cabal of murderous clowns, but I digress.)

Love Me, I'm a Liberal, Or; The Limits of Superhero Storytelling

I think I have been a mite charitable when it comes to describing the typical MCU plot to be dialectic in nature. The better movies, like Black Panther, Iron Man 3, and Thor Ragnarok fits this description rather well, but a lot of the time the plot follows a more mealy-mouthed liberalism of sorts. The hero represents the status quo, and the villain comes in as a radical who Might Have Some Good Ideas but Goes Too Far, requiring the hero to come in to Save The Day! It is hard to not notice that a lot of MCU antagonists are motivated by real-life problems, but just decides, usually somewhere in act 2, to just become Dumb And So Goddamn Crazy about it to justify the hero fighting them. This way, the hero can fight to uphold the Status Quo without calling their opponent a radical freak, or put any focus on how they are, indeed, upholding the status quo, warts and all.

The thing about the Infinity War duology that's so frustrating to me is that the movie clearly wants to be perceived as a dialectic kind of thing, but so transparently is one of the latter. Just look at how Cap, when discussing the topic of whether it's morally justifiable to destroy the infinity gem that powers their friend Vision states "We don't trade lives," and then goes about starting a massive bloody ground war to attempt to stop Thanos' forces from seizing Vision and the infinity gem, only to fail and they have to kill Vision anyway, except Thanos can time travel now, so he just Ctrl-Zs the entire moral choice and takes what he needs. L for the good guys, there, but more importantly, I think, this is supposed to be support for Thanos' antithesis of "some time killing is Good Actually."

The problem here is that this is a ludicrously uneven playing field. Yes, killing your friend to stop someone else from killing him AND ending the world is one of those trolley problem moments, but they're also functionally useless in this case. Thanos can control time now, so who gives a shit? If he doesn't like the outcome he'll just "Oop" a skootch back in time and never mind that. Even if the amethyst asshole didn't have time travel, what were we supposed to take away from this thing? All violence is the same? A kill is a kill? How is this a moral failure for Team Cap exactly? Like yeah it is wacky that superhero violence somehow is only lethal when someone is Dangerous And On The Edge and possibly even Dumb And So Goddamn Crazy, but you're not going to make that point in the big ol' crossover event are you because that'd make the audience feel weird about enjoying the punchman action. Never mind, I suppose, that Disney and Co here are giving the thinly-veiled fascist the "agree with him or no you have to admire his gumption" treatment like you're a fucking human interest story about the Young Hip White Supermacist in a self-declared news publication ca 2016.

In Closing, or; It's Not Real To Me Any More

So what do I want to achieve with this little essay? Do I want to hashtag cancel hashtag disney? Not so much no. Hell, my own stopping paying attention to the MCU was more recent, and chiefly motivated by the absolute hash that they made out of that Falcon And Winter Soldier show on the villain side if I'm honest. Do I want to change the way we talk about Disney or the MCU? I don't think that's within my power nor something I'm all that fussed about, either.

No, what I wanted most of all is to vent. To let off some steam that's been brewing for literal years, only further added to every time I see one of those stupid fucking "Thanos Did Nothing Wrong" memes that redditors used to love, only turned sourer every time I wondered how many actual, unironic ecofascists use these memes to make their ideas palpable, how I'd even tell the difference, and whether it made any difference who was ironic and who was not.

As anyone who's done a bit of writing might be able to tell you, there's no concept so good it can't be read into something terrible with a bad faith reading. This, I hope you agree with me, is not what happened here. The actual text has these flaws, and if it didn't end up boosting a rather insidious con from the worst political philosophy currently extant, I'd probably let it slide. When you create a story, I do not think there are all that many moral obligations on you in the act itself, but if you can not at the very least be honest and (inasmuch as you can) tell no overt lies.

Lack of resources is not what causes suffering on this planet today, nor is it likely to do so in the foreseeable future. That they do is a lie that the story of MCU Thanos tells.

Capitalism, neo-colonialism, conspicious consumption, these things cause poverty, strife and suffering. These things causes ludicrous food waste in a world where people still starve. These things causes cheaply produced medicine sold at exorbitant prices. These things cause empty housing being passed from investor to investor in some hellish shell-game while people live on the streets. These things cause famines. These things cut rainforests at an unsustainable rate. These things bleach the coral. These things cause hilariously insufficient deep water subs. These things causes stupid fucking superhero movie sequels.

The truth? We are capable of feeding the world, more than capable. There is enough room on this earth to house its every inhabitant with room to spare. Ok, maybe not everyone can have a new iPad every year on account of rare earth minerals being, well, rare-ish, so that's one of those things we may have to be a bit cost-benefit about. My point is this: Thanos isn't out here saying everyone can't have an iPad or a new phone every year, the kind of restrictions resource scarcity could conceivably bring. He keeps harping on the shit ideas of a long-dead British upper class twit like they could be used to justify his mega-genocide, so in that regard I suppose he's fulfilling a proud fascist tradition. I just wish that the superheroes we're meant to admire didn't stand by and let him, is all.

#film friday #essay #Oh boy this one is a doozy #I've wanted to write this or something very much like it for many years at this point #but I could never bring it together to a coherent enough point to not have it be a furious rant #it's still a bit of a furious rant of course #I'm not made out of stone #next week: an actual movie I think #no bee movie rant right away unfortunately #gotta space these things out a little bit

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missredherring · 9 months ago

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I went to see Argylle today and I'm so happy and relieved!!

Spoilers under the cut.

It was a very fun movie. I enjoyed the entire thing. My thoughts are a little scattered in the aftermath, but here we go:

I was a little worried, since while I love Matthew Vaughn I've been burned by the "tracker" scene in Kingsman: The Golden Circle.

Thankfully there wasn't any of that nonsense in Argylle.

I loved that Bryce Dallas Howard's character was allowed to be masculine as Rachel and feminine as Elly and not made a joke as either.

She's midsize and is wearing the same dress, changed for her comfort/style, as Dua Lipa. There are zero comments on her weight the entire movie.

Of course you can't go wrong with Sam Rockwell. He's so so so good.

They did the whirly bird both ways!!!! And there was nary a jokes about either version!!!! It's just dumb fun that doesn't have to have a sex joke. I love it.

I do think they missed a chance to have John Cena and Henry Cavill make out, but that's just my opinion.

Wow they really jumped on the chance to use the new Beatles song "Now and Then" huh? It was used a lot, but I don't blame them, they probably wanted to get their money's worth out of it. (But how could a musicbox song be heard on the deck of a huge oil tanker thing?? That didn't make sense for me.)

I was also hoping that they'd use the "a kiss brings back her memories" trope, but alas they didn't. Rockwell did mention that tho, so I appreciate that.

Speaking of memories: the whole thing was handled a little clumsily. The situation was explained to Elly a lot, so it was unclear if the flashbacks we were seeing were just for us, or if it was Elly remembering herself.

Catherine O'Hara and Bryan Cranston are great as the villains, but it's nothing we haven't seen before. As much as I love O'Hara in Schitt's Creek, her performance here was more annoying than anything else and her scenes could've been cut in half. Same with Cranston. His scenes were only more interesting than O'Hara's because we haven't seen him as a stereotypical villain, but that's what the role is and it does what you expect.

There's a point in the movie where a character tells the main characters that they need to get "suited and booted" and I perked up. Was that a Kingsman 2 reference? There was a definite Kingsman reference in the mid-credit scene.

I looked into it and Vaughn has said Argylle is indeed a part of the Kingsman universe. He compared it to the MCU. As much as I enjoy these movies, why does everything have to be an cinematic universe?

The storyline is very entertaining, and there were only a couple of points that made me want to roll my eyes, but on the whole I can't wait to see it again.

Of course my brain got to work on a PPCU version and I think Dave York and Agent Whiskey would be a good fit for the Adrian Wilde and Agent Argylle roles respectively.

I do like the idea of the reader being a fanfic writer instead of a traditional thriller writer.

Here. I made a moodboard:

#personal #argylle 2024 #spoilers #Argylle spoilers #pedro pascal characters #dave york thots #agent whiskey thots

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mrwolfhare · 1 year ago

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Did you get to choose the new team or was it the studio? Yes, no.

Have you had conversations with Marvel about their plans for the guardians now that you’re done? Yes

Are there any deleted scenes with Llyla, Rocket, Floor, and Teef? No.

Did you ever consider inserting any other Marvel characters to cross over into this picture? No

Is there a reason Quill didn't have his helmet in Guardians 3? It’s in his desk drawer in Knowhere. He had to get out of there fast as you know!

Is there an in-universe explanation as to why Quill’s ditched his helmet and rocket boots? They have jet packs. The rocket boots comparatively suck. That's like cheap shit you get in the intergalactic version of Radio Shack. And Chris could never have done those amazing hallway moves with a helmet on.

Was there a plan for a new helmet design for Star-Lord (the classic design would’ve been cool)? No.

In the scene where Rocket and Groot are dancing, was that you and your brother on set? Yes

I was VERY curious on how Drax knew the JOOB JOOB but Mantis didn’t being Ego’s translator? Drax knew the language from his childhood. It's not in anyone's translators.

Why did no one understand, or acknowledge the language on Counter-Earth not being recognized by their translators? It's a cloistered culture. It would be normal not to have their Humanimal language in the translators.

Was the line always going to be “I love you guys” or did you have other options? No

Was there any consideration given towards giving the one spoken “F***” in the movie to Groot? Consideration? Sure.

Was redesigning Howard The Duck your idea? Yes. I've redesigned him on every movie because I've never been satisfied and we were rushed the first couple times. I'm happier now.

Did you ever think about giving Howard the Duck a bigger role in these movies (just asking because he’s my favorite Marvel Character)? Yes.

Does your average MCU earthling know that the Guardians of the Galaxy exist? No

Was Miley Cyrus not able to reprise her role from Guardians 2? Was that the same character? Yes. Yes.

James is Adam Warlock single? Yes

Has Grandpa Quill heard about Peter’s world-saving adventures already? No.

Does Peter Quill’s grandfather know about Ego? No

Was there an actual dog playing Cosmo or was that CGI? No, yes.

Was the Eagle in the cage an Eagly reference? Or just an Eagle? That was actually the real Eagly.

Can Groot grow a new body very quickly now? Yes.

Will there be Vol 4? No.

Will there ever be a director’s cut of the trilogy? Yes (the trilogy as is is the Director's Cut)

Do you want to do an extended version? No.

Does Guardians 3 have an alternate ending planned? No.

Will there be a longer cut of the film that has more Michael Rosenbaum in it? No

Will there be a commentary version of this film? Yes

As early as when you were making GOTG 1, did you already have ideas on where Vol 2 and 3 would go that eventually made it in the final films? Or were your initial ideas totally overhauled along the way? Yes, no.

Did you have to fight/negotiate hard with Disney to have all of those dark scenes? Or were the pretty open to your final vision? No. Yes.

Was it difficult writing Gamora’s arc in Vol 3, knowing Infinity War was going to kill her off? No.

Nebula's arm is the Bucky's arm from Holiday Special?? No. It's way better.

I saw you mentioned Annihilus as a possible villain for Vol 3. Was he also going to be a candidate for Rockets creator? Yes.

Does Rocket keep in contact with Thor? No.

Is there a super big, deeply-hidden Easter egg like the first one? Yes.

Did Bradley do all the young Rocket voice work too? No (Noa Raskin is baby Rocket, Sean Gunn is Young Rocket)

Since Halfworld isn't a thing in the MCU (I guess this is what you retconned out from the 1st movie) does that mean Rocket isn't a halfworlder in the MCU, right? You could consider Halfworld a more intergalactic name for Counter-Earth.

#james gunn #gotg vol3 #guardians of the galaxy

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yoinkschief · 1 year ago

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totally random question man have you heard about this thing called the markiplier cinematic universe (mcu for short)

I'm going literally obliterate you I know where you live (I'm currently entering in you coordinates to the president's nuke)

I wanna try and say this shit without getting wildly off topic and I'm praying that Tumblr doesn't have a word cap but also low key hoping it does to put an end to this because I'm not sure I have a stopping point, but be warned, underneath the cut is my LONGEST rant yet

Starting with some background knowledge of "the birth" or Darkiplier versus "the birth" of Wilford Warfstache

Darkiplier was truly born from an internet meme of edgy people seeing people like Markiplier and Jacksepticeye and such making "edgy jokes" and "acting deranged" because at the time on youtube that was seen as funny and comical (similar but not the same as when Pink Guy was around and people thought he was the height of comedy at the time but the skit being retired by the creator because "it's not funny anymore, get over it", except Mark brought it a different life rather than killing off the character entirely, instead of retiring the character he gave it meaning, think like how you make an edgelord OC as a kid but later think of a really good backstory for it and end up revamping the entire OC instead something not even remotely related anymore)

So the community latched onto that idea and started calling him "DARK iplier" because we as human are incredibly creative

I say, knowing "markiplier" is just Mark and Multiplier combined

Which brings me to how Wilford Warfstache was created, actually

Wilford was created for the express purpose of things like "The Slenderman Interview" and "Wilford Plays: Slender" (warning: very early YT jokes that wouldn't fly today lol), he was created to do funny skits for games Mark would play as Mark's reason for naming his channel "Mark Multiplier" is because he wanted to make skits of the characters in the games he would play, making his channel a half gaming channel and a half skit channel which was honestly ingenius ingenuity, he had the fortune of taking a chance with two genres that ended up being VERY successful on early youtube and that is one of the biggest reasons why his channel is so big today

which is also just incredibly insane to think about that he has managed to have very little if not any controversies within his channel and community, at least not any GENUINE concerns he hasn't already alleviated

And for the most that's all these characters were: completely separate parts of Mark's channels where are Darkiplier would only appear in Mark's more "edgier" videos and Wilford purely in skits

That is until his video "Don't Blink", whic was also featured in his much later series: "A Date with Markiplier" where we see Darkiplier in his own video rather than some edgy joke made online and his first "official" appearance and is around the time when people began to refer to the different personas Mark had online as his "egos"

In the video we see Dark slowly fade in to the dark background of the picture that's posted on screen (and this is why I get kinda upset when Lixian, Mark's editor, is attributed to the image alternation horror of Mark's series as this has ALWAYS been a staple of Mark's channel - Lixian fucking hits it out of the park with his editorial and atristry stills, don't get me wrong, he's a true artist when it comes to that kind of horror, but he didn't create it on Mark's channel, it's always been a thing and you can always tell who is new to the channel with this)

But we don't see much of Dark's actual attire and how he looks anymore than he's a one to one comparison of Mark just a creepier, edgier version of him, I mean, he doesn't even get his iconic grayscale self yet ! "Don't Move" is technically the first time we see that but I don't count it since the entire video is in grayscale, I would kinda attribute the first "Dark is in Graysclae" sighting to the "October of Terror" video he did explaining his charity event but I wouldn't say it's officially attributed to him then, I think it was more of a "putting him in grayscale brings out the drastic lighting contrast and makes it look spooky" versus it actually being apart of his character design, because I don't think Dark was "officially" introduced until "Mr. Kitty Saves the World" where he actively brings up Darkiplier as an entity and not just him being edgy to get views (but also is being edgy to get views lol)

But what I find interesting is in that video it says "Containment Breach" which is because this was roughly a year after Mark started playing SCP: Containment Breach and suggests that Darkiplier was originally supposed to be an SCP !! That's super fucking cool to me that Dark went from being edgelord to being an SCP to being "I'm super tortured but like mentally and physically my body can't even stay in one piece" (which is funny cause Antisepticeye, which yes I'm bringing up cause they're intertwined just by the nature of Mark and Jack being friends and their egos happening at the same time and in tandem with each other thanks to the "Darkiplier VS. Antisepticeye" video, went from being edgelord jokes to I'm fucked up an evil to SCP but different flavor,, which like yeah it's a joke video and is seen widely as noncanonical but it still applies to how they are connected if just by similarities between them)

But within the community, Darkiplier isn't officially an ego or real character until "Best Friends Forever", which is widely hypothesized or accepted to be Dark in the video because, again, edgelord humor, though in my eyes it's not until "relax" is released that Darkiplier is officially considered a character because this video shows that he is a different entitiy than Mark and he's also given an official outfit,,, plus it's his 14MIL milestone so I figured this would be the perfect time to canonicize Darkiplier as an official Markiplier Ego :)

I also think this was another video featured in ADwM (A Date with Markiplier) if I remember correctly

The "relax" video is also when we see him trying to torture Mark and not just other people or being generally edgy and this later is Dark's main character plot point is to kill or hurt Mark (specifically "Actor" Mark, or otherwise Mark's characterization on screen, the character seperate from the creator,,, which is why I now have grown away from Septiplier (DO NOT ASK I WAS FUCKING ELEVEN) because "Actor Mark" is the characterization of Markiplier in my eyes, and that man does not deserve to be in any relationship, I like seeing him blue balled for all of eternity thank you) so that in my eyes is the best point of "yes Dark is an actual character now"

But this video is also why I don't think the earlier installments of Dark being in grayscale are when that officially becomes a character trait, as in later episodes after the previously mentioned with that characteristic are just heavily saturated photos or clips of Mark and aren't grayscaled, it's not until his ADwM series that Dark is oficially attributed this trait as whenever he's seen onscreen and the screen (and later just himself) switches to grayscale

Now, the introduction of Wilford Warfstache is wildly different but is the last Ego I'll be giving a timeline of (at least a very detailed one) because all the others are usually one off or are more recently added into the series and only show up fully fleshed out when they're first mentioned so I don't have to do a deep archive dive for them lol

Wilford, like I said earlier, was always a character, always supposed to be seen as such at the very least, and isn't just some "silly voice Mark sometimes does" but is definitely where his voice comes from, as it seems vastly different for the purpose of trying to differinciate the two of them and why it's a lot easier to do so versus how it was with Darkiplier as Dark and Mark, until more recently, sounded - and even looked - very much the same

Wilford is first seen in his Amnesia Series, the video of which I can't QUITE remember and I'm not about to search the entire fucking series just to figure out which one was his first appearance, but one of the earliest times he's name dropped is in "Amnesia: Rain - Part 6", but even then he's fully kitted out with his pink mustache and all (I think this video was supposed to be an April Fools video, but that's too on brand for Wilford Warfstache for me to think it wasn't more than just "it would be funny teehee", it definitely was but I feel like Mark was also thinkin "it would also be perfect to show off this kooky character" because like I said, Wilford was low-key planned from the beginning of Mark's channel,,, not specifically but his concept was)

But me personally I wouldn't see him as an official character until "The Warfstache Affair" which is one of the funniest fucking videos to me, even to this day and is such a silly video all on it's own, but this is his first appearance in my heart of hearts because, like Dark's need to torture Mark, this becomes one of Wilford's key character plot points later down the line

And when I say that Mark truly turns these characters from funny skit plot points to full fledged, series bingeworthy characters you want to see have a happy ending, I MEAN IT

His love for the creative process and writing shows through in his "official" series or skits, in his "official" MCU, it's literally insane. You can tell he loves these characters and truly wants to write a story and is the sole reason I think that, bias aside for the nostalgia and special place in my heart that FNaF has on me, Mark's Iron Lung movie is going to be SO MUCH BETTER than ANYTHING the FNaF movie could do

I love FNaF's storyline (and it's crazy how long it took me to mention FNaF in a MARKIPLIER related rant but it was bount to happen) and I think it's incredibly intricate, and it's very similar to Mark's MCU where it started off simple but get deeper as it gains more traction, where it's different is Scott Cawthon rushed a lot of his games and whatnot due to popularity, because of the fear that if he didn't pump it out fast enough it would lose traction and he'd lose his fame, whereas Mark not only had the security of that not happening, he also does not care if it did happen - he doesn't do these skits to appease people, he does them because he enjoys it, something's he's said a hundred times by now. Yes, because of the support he has he's able to make the story look very good, but fans or no fans the story would be the same, it would just look a lot different

Back to the timeline of events in the MCU, we don't techincally see the other Egos "introduced" or "canonicized" until "Markiplier TV", which even that can be argued due to both the irrelevantness and obvious of how one off of characters they were as well as Cyndago's unfortunate attempt at ending his own life and Mark taking it upon himself to not continue the characters he created so as to not disrespect Cyndago's legacy or "take away" those characters from him

But this is the first time we see Wilford and Darkiplier actually interact with each other, and is where that "Darkstache" ship REALLY took off

It's hard to say is people really shipped it beforehand, and if they did it was definintely considered a crackship or rarepair due to that exact fact of these characters never interacting up until Markiplier TV

I will always hold Markiplier TV in my heart, I remember frothing at the mouth when it came out and it was 100% what got me so autistically attached to Markiplier, I mean besides FNaF, but that was more of a "I can't wait to come home from school and watch my favorite YouTuber!" thing, and MTV (which yes I see the joke in that) was more of "OH MY GOD IF HE DOESN'T EXPLAIN WHAT THIS MEANS AND WHY DARK ONLY USES A NICKNAME ON WILFORD I'M GOING TO CLAW OFF MY SKIN OH MY GODDDDDDD"

Which by the way that happens, he calls him "Will" and that's NEVER EXPLAINED ???? I DON'T THINK ??? But this is the only person he refers to in any endearing way

(side note I wanted to add: intro to MTV has a Lantern reference in there,,, I know you (Shran, the person who asked this) is the only one who will understand that joke, but if you ever end up watching it: timestamp: 0:16, truly a blink and you'll miss it moment tho)

Also this series is the introduction to a character who later becomes canon: The Jim Twins,, though we're not sure if it stops at just twins as the joke is like all of the news anchors, castors, camera men, weather men, etc. are all named Jim,,, and because they occur again as an easter egg in "Who Killed Markiplier?" (not directly in,, but there was a website you could go to when WKM was airing and you could see them post extra, joking, content that also lowkey gave hints to the story but didn't directly interfere with the actual show so you didn't need to watch it) that I think made them canon as they're shown to be on set at the same time as canon characters (because ALL of WKM is canon, unlike MTV)

Also also MTV is where the popular headcanon that Wilford cries bubbles comes from ! (I can't not bring my other hyperfixations into this - Tom has a similarly popular headcanon where his tears are either black and/or smell/taste like pineapple juice)

MTV is 100% where I get my "random noises" stim that I do, by the way, where I just do the tune of songs I know with wildly incorrect words,,, and now that I think about is probably why I'm able to so clearly remember my friend's meme parody of "I Write Sins Not Tragedies" but every other word is rat: "I Rat Sins Not Tragedies"

Fucking hell Middle School was a different time I'm not sad to be gone from it

In other news the gag joke of Wilford casually pulling out a gun and shooting someone with it kills me every fucking time (literally I'm currently dead on the floor unmoving he's shot me sendf an damnbuclance)

Anyway back to the actual plot of MCU, this is also where we get the actual first introduction of Wilford's character trait of being beyond the screen he's played on, as he's seen manipulating text on screen shown to not really be "all there" for lack of a better term, being an enigma who doesn't understand the concept of death, and personally that was why I originally started the enjoy their character dynamic because it made sense to me that Dark would want to befriend someone who didn't care for murder when he wanted Mark to die so obviously Wilford is the natural choice, but I didn't think for Wilford to have such a FUCKING MESSED UP REASON BEHIND IT MARK I WILL NEVER FORGIVE YOU I CAN'T BELIEVE YOU MADE ME WANNA THROW HANDS WITH A FICTIONAL VERSION OF YUOR PERSONIFIED EGO I'M GOING TO RIP YOU APART !!! I WOULD NOT LIKE TO APOLOGIZE !!! I STICK BY IT !!!!!!

Also I think it's very funny that MTV canonicized that Santa is, in fact, still dead from when Wilford killed him in I think a charity live stream ?? I may be getting my memory mixed up but I think for one of Mark's Christmas Chairty Livestreams he had Wilford kill Santa Claus as a milestone reward ?? I'm not quite sure but I have a very vivid memory of Santa with his face blurred out for "security reasons" being suddenly executed by Wilford as like an interview thing,, but that could've been made afterwards as a joke reference to this clip lol, either way Santa is canonically murdered and Christmas is ruined forever by Wilford and I think that's fucking hilarious

For those who watched MTV or are watching it after this rant to see what I'm talking about let me explain every ego shown in the boardroom scene of this video and it's got nothing to do with me wanting to flex my obscure knowledge I have of Markiplier's channel:

Wilford and Dark don't count I've talked about them before

Googleiplier (Seen with in a blue shirt with the Google logo on it): comes from a skit done with Matthias called "Google IRL" in which Google comes out with an android version of Google Home to help with every day assistance, but what Matthias fails to know is that Google IRL is actually incredibly evil and is trying to kill Matthias

Ed Edgar (cowboy with the world's least flattering mullet,,, and that's saying something): Cyndago's character from the "Ed Edgar's Adoptallott's Baby Bulk Buy", where he tries to sell his son

Bim Trimmer (other guy in the suit also yes his name is a joke on Bum Trimmer): Another one of Cyndago's characters from the "Hire My Ass!" skit where Bim brutally murders and cannibalizes his contests (surprisingly unsurprisingly a fan favorite character)

Silver Shepherd (the alien looking motherfucker): Yet another one of Cyndago's characters from the "Super Infidelity" skit, where you can assume what happens; superhero marital affairs (this character is not be confused with how Jacksepticeye's Jackie-Boy Man came into creation, that was from a superhero maker (? ish) game)

Dr. Iplier: Heavily debated if it's Cyndago's character since it was posted to Mark's channel, I'll call him a Cyndago character since it's under the pretense of being a "Cyndago Original", even though people say he comes back in "In Space with Markiplier", he kinda really doesn't because that's Porniplier (LET ME EXPLAIN- PLEASE I TALK ABOUT HIM MORE LATER), but he gets first introduced in the skit "Worst News Doctor" with the same running joke as seen in MTV of "I'm sorry but... you're dying" to the most mundane of ailments

The Host (the guy with the bloody bandaged around his eyes): One of my favorite Cyndago skit characters, he comes from "Danger in Fiction", a skit parody of "Stranger Than Fiction" (at least the name is,,, I haven't actually seen Stranger Than Fiction lol), where he's first introduced as "The Author" (insert Gravity Falls joke here)

King of the Squirrels (Guy who runs in with peanut butter smeared on his face): Joke ego who came around in the same vein of Tiny Box Tim but instead it was introduced somewhere in Mark's "Don't Starve" playthrough, again, not watching the entire series again to remember where he first mentions him

The canonicity of the TV show though is flimsy at best as there is a Septiplier joke where he's begging to be killed and like 90% of the heads of the table are Cyndago's characters, but I think it is important to bring up because this, in my eyes, is the start of Markiplier actually trying to give his characters some depth to them and wanting to explore them more than JUST skits, or at the very least this is the last time they're seen in skits and treated as just egos and not seperate characters

When we ACTUALLY see the timeline somewhat officially begin is in "A Date with Markiplier"

Yes it technically airs before Markiplier TV but it didn't really have Wilford in it, and I wanted to get that last Wilford knowledge out there because Markiplier TV marks where the skit Timeline ends and the for realsies time line begins, the reason ADwM comes after this despite airing before it is because it technically wasn't supposed to be canon, and only became canon once "A Heist with Markiplier" come out because this is when Mark creates his "Adventures with Markiplier" series, canonicizing ADwM

With that out of the way, ADwM is where we see a lot more of Dark's character specifically, because again this is kinda not super canonical but more canonical than MTV, as it was made as a Valentine's Day joke post (Fun fact: The whole "Movie" portion of the date where we see Mark do a one man play is to make up for all of his broken "Markiplier Promises" to Ethan CrankGamePlays/Ethan Nestor and Tyler Apocalypto_12) but it IS the first time we get introduce to "Actor Mark" as a seperate character who becomes very important later on in the timeline with the next installment:

Who Killed Markiplier

My precious

My Favorite

Right after In Space but we'll get to that

Speaking of Reoccuring Characters introduced in ADwM: The Chef !! He comes back in WKM AND A Heist ! I fucking love this guy

Okay before I continue I need to preface something:

This is not where the actual timeline technically begins,,, it really begins with In Space but to explain that I need to explain this first because... by technicality this entire series? Like the entirity of the canonical MCU? Time loop. Thank you Mark for making me want to [REDACTED]

For the ease of me not jumbling shit together, I'm going to give a brief synopsis of every Chapter of WKM,,, I have no idea what I'm gonna do for Heist and Space but we'll see

Chapter 1

Another Lantern Reference at 0:14

We enter the fray as Y/N or better known as the District Attorney (DA for short), as we see on our invitation letter, meeting our main characters:

William J. Barnum, "The Colonel"

Damien Doom, "The Mayor"

Abe, "The Detective", and

Mark, "The Actor" and "The Victim"

Other noteable characters are:

The Chef and The Butler, played by Robert Rexx and Tyler Schneid respectively (Side note again: Why is every butler ever in the history of forever always gay?)

The time period in which this is set in is the 1920's, no specific date I don't think, but the 20s no less, (because of the time period you're offered a seltzer with cocaine in it to help subside your headache, I fucking love Mark's humor jesus)

The reason we're all gathered in the manor is because the Mark Iplier (Canon Last Name I believe) has invited us all to a celebratory party at his manor, in which we are all to get absolutely shitfaced and party, during which we have the most banging music playing in the background, we learn our beloved Mayor is King of the Keg, we get the first tease that William and Abe have history and don't rather like each other, at least in a one sided manner as Barnum playfully puts Abe in a headlock and Abe is NOT having it, we see William has violent tendencies trying to swing at the Butler now acting as bartender, William is also seen playing Russian Roulette, before we pass out in bed at 1:30 AM before waking up seven hours later only to find that our beloved friend, Mark, has died. But not only died - but has been MURDERED ! So says the detective

Thanks to a convenient lightning storm trapping everyone inside the house, which also seems to only strike anytime someone says the word "murder", Abe take it upon himself to take charge with you as his assistant and quarantines everyone inside the house until he can figure out what happened, and after rectally taking the corpse's body temperature Abe is able to determine Mark was murder just as you went to bed: 1:30 AM.

Later we see Damien and William fighting, Damien suspecting William of being the one who murdered Mark or at least being suspicious of him as they've had prior disagreements and seem to hate each other, though William swears he didn't do it and instead suggests Mark slipped and fell because he's a dumb idiot

It's also revealed that the Chef's "Little Buddy" is actually a security camera and has recorded the entire night, showing that Abe and Mark talked earlier, discussing the fact that Abe was invited to do background checks on Mark's staff conveniently at the same time as when the murder took place,,, hmm,,, at 1:13 AM, seven minutes before the murder

And then suddenly, we end on Abe announcing that the body had just suddenly disappeared

Also I'd love to add the bonus contents of what happened on the WKM website but it was taken down like shortly after the last chapter of the series aired, so I can't exactly give a play by play of what happened. Just know like how I said earlier it's just the Jim Twins being goofy (I vividly remember them playing with a oujia board rug going "S-U-B-S-C-R-I-B-E-T-O-M-A-R-K-I-P-L-I-E-R" which is still really funny to me but that's basically all the substance they gave,,, save for giving up a better look at the manor layout and rooms we didn't get to see much of in the official chapters) but like I said they're very inconsequential the main story so there's no harm other than me having one less thing to talk about which at this point is doing more good than anything

Chapter 2

We reiterate that the body's moved, seemingly on it's own, as we have the house residents find out one by one in the same (or at least roughly the same) order as they found out that the body was dead. Also William is revealed to believe in zombies (it IS the 20s) and also makes a "The Most Dangerous Game" reference (it IS the 20s,,, also in the outfit he was wearing it and who his character is it was bound to happen) before offering to kill Actor!Mark again if he truly is a zombie and justifies it with "well back in the war"

After Abe makes his nth homoerotic joke of the series he poses the question of: why? What's the killer's motive ? What do they gain from Actor being dead ? He reiterates that we were all invited here for a celebration but it was never specified what kind of celebration, not even Mark's grand "what we're celebrating" speech he didn't actually explain what they were celebrating, just that it wasn't about any in particular or himself which, obviously at this point, was a lie because he's dead so he was always going to be the main event

We also get that, after Abe probing Actor's ass, he found out that not only was he stabbed 37 times, Actor was also poisoned, beaten, strangled, drowned and shot - in that order. This is my favorite thing about this entire series because I remember making a ton of theories about this and what this meant because there's no way the killer did that in one night and it heavily suggested that Mark had died multiple times, on account of the fact that he was "drowned" and then later "shot" but the corpse we see is dry and isn't asphyxiated at all like he would be if he were strangled or drowned

And then my theories were blown out of the water when In Space came out so fuck me I guess

To be fair they weren't totally solid and at best were headcanons lol

Back to the main events of the story: we're introduced to Actor's room which is a MESS, truly it looks like a hurricane went through it, and as much as it seems like that would be the place he died within a struggle, Abe quickly dismisses that and urges us to continue looking when we find that he has multiple pictures frames of the friends in vairous amounts... First it's the three of them: Mark, William and Damien. They all seem super happy and in the photo they're laughing and causing a rukus. next there's suddenly four of them: Mark, William, Damien and Celine (I will get to her later), and they look less happy, well, for the most part. Damien and William and standing like the man emoji and it could be because William came back from war is like whoo boy do I have trauma and Damien could getting a little more stressed with mayoral duties but it's never quite clear, all we know is that Damien and William are straight faced whereas Celine and Mark and Celine are chatting it up like old friends. Continuing we see a third photo of just Damien and Mark together, Damien looking like he's giving his best customer service smile and Mark maybe looks anxious ? It's hard to tell, there's a glare on the glass of the frame for most of the shot

However, the last one we see is turned over and the glass is smashed, revealing a picture of William alone.

But the scene continues and William reveals that Mark has quite the amount of enemies, it's not just him who has a mysterious gripe with the bitch before Damien pulls us away to discuss who the murderer might be, instead bringing to the metaphorical magnifying glass to the Detective who we've been following around

Throughout the entire series we have fingers pointed at Abe and William the most, William with his violent tendencies and hatred for the victim, and Abe for the fact we know the least about him (within the immediate friendgroup but because he's also just kind of a reclusive guy)

Before he can continue with eluding to the idea that maybe there was one more person among them we hear a gunshot and glass break, revealing Abe and the Colonel pointing guns at each other and screaming. We hear that William was trying to use Abe for target practice as they are accusing each other of being the murderer, making their way to the door where we get a late arrival:

Celine.

Chapter 3

I said I'd get to her and I've gotten to her

Whoo

Fucking

Nelly

Listen before I continue this I will say I have a bias cause I AM HER BIGGEST HATER I HATE HER FUCKKKK

As an actress, she played phenomincally, Pamela Horton does a fantastic job playing her

As a character, beautifully written, I enjoy occult like characters and her title as "The Seer" is perfect, brings that mist of supernatural and mystery that surrounds Mark's untimely death wonderfully

As a person

As someone I could meet on the streets

I want to [REDACTED] until [REDACTED] so that she [REDACTED] and I won't stop until [REDACTED] and [REDACTED] or so help me.

That aside let's actually get the synopsis/play by play

The house guests fill Celine in on what happened and the fact that Mark's dead, but also she is the first person to bring up the fact that the lightning strikes everytime someone says the word "murder", what passed as a running gag is now pulled into question for possibly being supernatural as she proclaims it to be "powerful dark magic" for lightning to strike EVERYTIME someone says the word "murder"

Also William canonically was sucked into the board game Jumanji so via the pipeline he's connected to Dwayne the Rock Johnson which I think is pretty funny

Celine then proposes that they all hold a seance to speak with Mark beyond the grave to get an answer as to why this is all happening where she shuts down Abe and the Butler makes another gay ass remark to us before Celine proclaims we're trustworthy and have a "far greater part to play" which is hella suspicious, thank you Celine, and everyone pretty much agrees with the Detective that it's suspicious that Celine suddenly wants to take us on alone to get more answers and take the investigation further. Well, everyone except William.

Simp.

But it doesn't matter cause we end up going with her anywhere where Damien tries to talk to her about this and offer comfort but also wonders what she's doing getting mixed up with the muder, but the way he phrases it: "I just didn't think you were the type to get mixed up with all this" makes me think that he's actually talking about the occult and medium stuff she's been doing or at least suddenly announces that she's doing, where she argues that there's more to this world that he could ever understand and then continues to run off with us to seperate room of the house

There we see her lay out tarot cards and whatnot before making a "Series of Unfortunate Events" joke, and before anyone asks I don't think the layout of her cards and what cards are where means anything - I know in Tarot that that's like SUPER IMPORTANT but I do not think Mark poured hours of research into tarot for this one scene. But also because there's a magic eight ball there, as a joke yeah, but I mean c'mon

Shockingly enough though, as we're sitting in the room with Celine we start to have visions about what's happening, what's happened, and what's about to happen, or the past present and future, so she asks us to draw it down where we meet our second late arriving gueststar:

The Groundskeeper.

But she doesn't seem pleased with our answer and orders us to go back into our visions before she's interrupted by Abe and Damien where Damien seems very concerned with her affiliation with the occult and the fact she's become very volatile before Abe rushes us out and leaved Damien to try and calm down Celine

The Chef reveals that the Groundskeeper, previously thought to only work on weekends, actually has been living on the grounds secretly, so naturally they go to him to investigate where he was during the murder - except they get interrupted by the only reason he'd ever go into that house after he says "You'd better pray to god that that reason never comes to pass" before it happens, all of them rushing inside to see red and blue light shining onto Celine with the most ominous Debbie Ryan smirk known to man before they close the door on her

Chapter 4 - The Final Chapter

We see the groundskeeper lock the door to the room Celine and Damien were both last seen in before William runs in asking where Celine is where the groundskeeper explains that "she's gone, and so is everyone else"

PAUSE

I feel it's important to note that in order to keep true to the timeline as we are OFFICIALLY in the timeline now, I have to talk about "DAMIEN", because as Mark explains, DAMIEN, although premiering after the WKM series, does happen DURING it, specifically after Celine and Damien disappear, but before we see them again later (which I will be explaining later after this cause duh in my Chapter 4 analysis)

We open in on being stuck in a dead winter, trees barren and their roots buried deep under snow, following the sound of a tree getting hacked into, before finally crackling and falling to the floor where we see a heavily breathing Mayor Damien, hair long and dressed in a thick winter coat

After he's done sledding his chopped down logs back to a cabin and chopping them into fire wood we see Celine in the house with him where they start bickering and this is where we see just how truly different their personalities are:

"I saw a flower today, shouldn't be long before Spring is here"

"OR there's still a few more weeks of Winter and that flower will die COLD and ALONE."

There's more bickering, mainly from Celine's side, before she goes out hunting for food now that Damien's back home but there is a moment of tenderness before she leaves, where she asks if he really did see a flower where he says "yes, a little pink one... though it's probably dead by now" and she wishes for him to get some rest

Just as we see Damien head to bed, we watch the window panes freeze and the screen glitch, watching Damien's body from the outside of the window before the next morning starts and we see the pink flower again

If you wanna know it's a Sweet William and that is the loudest part of this entire series as Damien goes "Huh... Well you don't die easily, do you?"

And we begin to hear the echoes of "Wilford Wilford Motherlovin' Warfstache"

I'M NOT GONNA PAUSE IT AGAIN I PROMISE

Wilford Motherlovin' Warfstache, while heard in DAMIEN , doesn't technically happen until AFTER Chapter 4 of WKM is done, Wilford is just a fucking enigma to time and space so he's heard throughout the echoes of time

Also DAMIEN was shot after Wilford Motherlovin' Warfstache so they had the audio lol

But according to the timeline WMLW doesn't happen until AFTER the events of WKM and DAMIEN happened DURING the events of WKM so, continuining on

Damien continues to hear the voices of Abe and Wilford peaking through the vast forest, growing confused, concerned and anxious before he just decided to keep on chopping, chalking it up to "just another day in the life of me" I guess

As Damien comes inside for the second day, we hear Celine say the same line of "Don't slam the door, Damien" and Damien continues the similarities with proclaiming how he saw a flower and it "shouldn't be long until Spring" before he trails off, realizing he said the same thing yesterday

He mutters along with Celine as she says the same line as she did yesterday, furthering the notion that they've been through this before, so he breaks the chain with Celine like how the voice broke the chain with him, claiming he heard a voice today which instantly gets Celine on edge before she says she's going out "hunting" again, with a much different tone

Instead of going to sleep right after Celine leaves like he did last time, Damien stays up long enough to watch as the window panes freeze over, a voice whispering Damien's name before he jerks his head to the left, noticing a mirror on the wall to his left, noting how he can't see himself in the reflection of it, and when he manges to make out the outline of himself in the mirror, it reveals itself to be a rotting version, telling him that it's time to wake up (directly opposing what Celine's been telling him to do: go to sleep)

When he opens his eyes again he's back in the woods, confused on how he got there - he was just in his cabin and now he's in the middle of the woods where he hears Celine calling for him

In distress, he immediately runs after the voice, trying to find his sister only for the snow to get thicker and the wind to get stronger, like it's actively trying to keep him from his sister as they keep yelling for each other

He makes it to a frozen lake when the voice stops calling for him, noticing foot prints on a lake he's never seen before leading to a bright light in the lake where he reaches into a hole, fishing Celine out of the lake where he sees that face again that he saw in the mirror with the words taunting "it's not fair, is it?"

The corpse ends up grabbing Damien and tries pulling him while we watch the ice crack and break beneath him, images of a Sweet William and various skulls flash on screen before Damien gives a distorted scream, falling into the black abyss of the frozen lake's water

When Damien regains his bearings, we're in a dark void where we see none other than the man himself:

Mark

He taunts Damien and how hard it was to find him, telling him that he's only come to apologize to him where Damien wonders if he even ever knew him, but manages to slowly bring back his memory of what happened, remembering that it's Actor standing before him and everything he's done

Side note, the line "Celine really did a number on you didn't she?" solidifies my earlier comment on Celine wanting Damien to go to sleep whereas Mark is trying to get him to wake up, wanting Damien to stay in the loop

He also makes a joke about "knowing [Mark] as well as he knows [himself]" which is a joke about how he's snatched Damien's body and is now living in it - hence how we see him in the same Tuxedo Damien wore at the party with his cane, except for the fact it's red now instead of black

Mark continues to explain how this kind of went downhill and not how he wanted it to go, that yes this WAS planned from the beginning by him but as the events unfolded it didn't go according to plan, "right people point the finger at the wrong people" as he puts it "mistakes were made"

Also it's eluded that Actor made a deal with the devil to make sure Celine didn't "go around breaking anyone else's heart", but it's not explicitly said, just that he made a deal to make sure that it didn't happen, we're not sure if it's with a supernatural force but we can assume that it is based off everything that's happened

Mark continues his speech about how every "good story needs a villain and a hero", suggesting that he thinks himself of the hero in this story and he needs a vindictive villain to fight against, someone to root for their downfall by the audience, and honestly the scene is beautiful, beautifully written, beautifully preformed, beautifully drawn which yes, by the way, DAMIEN was drawn as an Animatic style video, not live action like how the rest of Mark's content is for the MCU, but oh my gOD it's so beautiful

And in a terrifying scene, we see Damien slowly suffocating as he realizes that he's actually been dead the whole time before Celine breaks past the barrier Mark had put up (the frozen lake, they're beneath it) and ends up killing Actor, seeing his face contort into the Comedy Mask as he's blown away like ash

A third Lantern reference when Damien goes "I'm so sick of being a pawn in other people's games" as he begs Celine to explain what the hell just happened, truly at his wit's end with all of this but she denies it, she claims that everything she's done she's done for Damien, that this whole state of constant repitition was to keep Damien safe and secure but now Actor's come and torn it all apart

There's a really tender moment between Celine and Damien where they talk about how Celine doesn't need to basically give up her life to protect Damien's, that she doesn't need to spend the rest of her life trying to fix the mistakes she's made, where he offers his hand to help her

And she agrees,

On the condition that he "makes sure that bastard stays dead."

Before they're swallowed up by the lake flooding in from the cracks Actor made on their "world", and as the water gushes out of the door is sweeps away the endless Winter and shows the blades of grass fighting to stay alive beneath the blankets of snow, and the countless amount of tress Damien has chopped down in the time he's lived there

After the credits roll we're left with a bonus clip of Damien stepping out from the destroyed house, where there was once snow now the earth burns under his boots before he walks off screen

This video was actually cut for time by the way, there was supposed to be a whole nother day where we see the Sweet William blossoming again to give the sense of repetitiveness and endlessness

But I think that Wilford's cry out in the abyss along with the Sweet William is what broke him from the limbo cycle and was why they were able to break free

UNPAUSE

After this, everyone begins to leave, quitting their jobs and imploring the others to take their leaves as well but William swears against it, threatening to kill everyone unwilling to die with the friend's he just lost in this house

Abe follows after the Colonel because of his threat where we're left alone to have the screen ominously loses it's hue along with the song in the background distorting before we hear a heartbeat and a whisper asking for help that sounds awfully familiar hmm (I'm like 90% sure it's Celine's voice)

We begin to hear distorted talk about "Madness" and how it's "stealing your best friend's wife" before we continue to hear distorted versions of Mark's speech to us in the first Chapter and voice lines from the rest of the cast as we walk around the manor, lead to a room we've yet to enter where we see our screen go back to normal

In the room we find that this filled with news letters of a "Safari gone wrong" with William at the forefront of it as well as a cork coard of red string and loose ends.

Important stuff to note from this room:

A paper filled with the word "colonel" messily scribbled all over it

A layout picture of the house

The aforementioned "Safari Gone Wrong" Magazine cover

^ the top line of this also asks is Mayor Damien is secretly a demon in disguise

Stickynotes saying "DON'T TRUST" "THE SEER"

Not important but I think it's funny: Picture of William with a sticky note saying "Not Marriage Material"

Multiple News headlines proclaiming Mark's death (but previously to this, obviously)

A typewriter filled with speculation against the colonel before it too gets chaotic

After we have a run through of the room we see William walk into the room and is immediately put off by it, exclaiming that Abe's been keeping tabs on us, but mostly it's just him and Celine, we're ambivelant to this, but it suggests that because Abe and him were good friends, he probably was hired as a private investigator on Celine for the express purpose of finding out if she's having an affair on him, hence why he's been keeping tabs on mostly William and Celine (they've had an affair on each other as earlier stated with the voice saying that "madness is cheating with your Bestie's wife" and the fact that Colonel's first worry is Celine which is odd as he's seen tender to her but willing to deck anyone else over less than she's done)

After finding out this knowledge, William blames Abe for this and believes that this was a ploy to ruin him, that Abe had set him up from the beginning where he clearly begins to spiral and he begins searching for Abe to kill him getting increasingly more and more violent until he ends up accidentally shooting Abe right in the chest, and soon after you meet the same fate as you try to calm him down, falling off the balcony

As the screen fades to black we hear that heartbeat again and we suddenly see Mark's dead body once more, signfiying that this is after the events of "DAMIEN", that is until the body of Mark looks gaunt, or at least shift to look like Darkiplier saying "It's not fair, is it?"

We're met with Damien and Celine in their red and blue forms where they explain what happened in DAMIEN (briefly, anyway) that Actor had trapped them in this state of limbo or some inbetween where they were stuck doing the same day over and over with seeminly no difference where Celine breaks that she thought it was the house causing it but it was actually Mark and Damien explains that Actor is walking around in Damien's body

The two of them propose that everyone in this odd state of liminal nothingness can escape the same way Mark did before suddenly we wake up, assumably back in our own body

This is where we get my most gut wrenching scene I HATE YOU MARKIPLIER WHY DO YOU THIS TO ME

We see William sitting in a chair by where our body once was, coat and hat gone while he's anxiously clutching Damien's cane and we see William go from spiraling to downright mad as he convinces himself that he didn't kill you, obviously he wouldn't he cherishes your friendship, and begins to believe - genuinely believe that death does not exist, that there is no such thing and that everyone in the manor was playing some big prank on him, going around calling his friends' names while we stop to look at ourselves in the mirror only to find that we have become Darkiplier

I want this motherfucker dead, I want a ten paragraph apology for the way he changed my brain chemistry because of this how DARE he

But I do I like this series so much because it was my Umbrella Academy before Umbrella Academy was a thing, you know ? And is wildly better because the only incest being shipped is in the dark side of the fandom and not the canonicity of the show, but it has that same feeling of "We only get together for weddings and funerals", because to be frank, no one know why they're here, just that they're celebrating. Before this party they were all estranged from each other with few exceptions and with various reasons

For a good explanation, Damien's line:

"Then again, I'm not exactly sure as to what we're supposed ot be celebrating here. I mean it's good to have the gang back together, but... out of the blue like this seems... anyway,"

LIKE THAT'S NOT SUSPICIOUS AS HELL ???

Also, I feel it's important to note that in Mark's "Who Killed Markiplier" playlist on youtube he does add the bloopers but also "DAMIEN" and "Wilford Motherlovin' Warfstache" which I find very interesting but I think it's just because it's similar to the WKM series rather than the Adventures with Markiplier series even though they do tie in together

Fun fact about Wilford Motherlovin' Warfstache before I get into it: The name of it was originally gonna just be "Wilford Warfstache" in the same vein of DAMIEN is called just Damien's name, BUT when Abe's actor gives the somewhat improved line of "Wilford Motherlovin' Warfstache" Mark changed the title name to that cause he thought it better fit :)

This part of the WKM series is what inspired me to (eventually) write a mock script for a noir crime show surrounding Detective Abe, it was me and my partner joking about it on call together and then I got too much brainrot about it and ended up developing a plotline for three seasons that I need to write out eventually

With that aside, the video opens with Abe who we last saw shot by William, giving an internal monologue as he longing looks out the window with a cigarette in his mouth and Abe's first line already super gay so I'm waiting for the day Mark just goes "yeah Abe likes men" cause he's already confirmed Wilford is Pansexual I NEED ABE TO BE GAY PLEASE MARK

Ahem

Anyway

The monologue is pretty long, it's the entire intro to the video, and it's just a bunch of gay euphamisms and suggestive comments that Abe says as if he's unaware of the interpretations of it which I think is peak old noir films joke, and failing to stab the cork board multiple times - which wasn't planned, by the way, but was really really funny

Also Abe's suggested to be Jewish with the line "just like the clown at my bar mitzvah, I knew he was trouble from the moment I laid eyes on him", which is actually really cool ! Birthday clown terror is an obvious joke but the subtle change from birthday to bar mitzvah is nice, especially since Abe is a character from the 20s and it's easy to just write everyone as white and christian because, well, it's the 20s America, and I like when the cast is diverse (again, Wilford is canonically Pansexual which we were all waiting for with his pink and yellow ensemble, I love that "In Space With Markiplier" confirmed it with Mark explaining that the pink, yellow and blue lights seen in the secret Wilford scene wasn't accidental :))) !! )

Another fun fact: small budget films don't have to be poorly made ! Mark was getting a lot of praise from how the car Abe "drives" looks super realistic and people were wondering how he was doing that it really just came down to good editing and lightly shaking the car, literally they just were jostling the car from it's hood and it cave the illusion of driving on uneven roads which, if you've ever driven a car in america, is every road

As Abe's tobacco of choice keeps changing from cigarette to cigar to vape sticks, he explains how Wilford had gone through multiple aliases (later it's confirmed that he's sticking to Wilford Warfstache, obviously) but no matter how many times he's changed his name he would always fall back his usual dancing, fighting, flirting, and dancing - which brings us to where Abe finds him, the Moonlight Rollerway which is the most 80s fucking club ever

The scene also changes from noir black and white to bright, saturated colors as we see Wilford come onto screen with bopping funk music and a shiny pink shirt and matching afro as Abe gives the line that changes history "Wilford. Motherlovin'. Warfstache." and my brain literally explodes and I'm suddenly obsessed with Wilford for like months after the video comes out it's abysmal

Also, more pink, blue and yellow lights :) and yeah I know that pink and yellow are gonna go with blue because that's how triangles work but like, this motherfucker has been screaming pansexual since "The Ned Affair" which that video still makes me laugh and I kinda miss that outfit,, the entire video is gay jokes and as a gay person it's so funny

Back to WMLW, Abe disperses the party in order to get Wilford off stage and ends up accidentally shooting some electrical box I don't care for the proper term off, causing the music to stop and the saturation of the area to slightly dull as Wilford's dance comes to a stop and no one appreciates Abe's destruction of property when it killed the boogie

As Abe orders Wilford onto the ground, he claims to not remember who Abe was, asking for his name and failing to recall it multiple times while we see a second Wilford appear in the background, despite the fact that Abe is currently talking to the other one (yet another fun fact: the Wilford we see in the background of this disappears behind some tinsil curtains and we find out that this is actually connected to In Space, the room we see him again in directly connected to that which, holy fucking shit Mark what the hell these were produced like so long apart from each other,,, I mean I suppose they were written closely at the same time but what the butt man)

As Wilford claims he's never killed anyone, trying to get a sip out of martini glass he pulled literally out of the air, Abe tazes him and throws him into the back of his seat where we find out that Wilford, ever the enigma, can not only hear Abe's inner monologue but can internally comment on it as well, the both of them having an internal conversation much to Abe's shock and confusion - also Wilford continues to try to get a drink from his glass but never is able to :(

in Abe's panic he tazes Wilford again and next time we see them it's in the detective's office, Wilford bound to a chair in a cartoonish manner while he interrogates him, and it's when he accuses him for the murders he's commited and shows him red string board from Who Killed Markiplier that we see Wilford finally realize who he's talking to as he goes ".... A-.. Abe... Abe! Abe it's been years - how are you? How are you doing? How's the family?" and Abe loses it on Wilford, blaming him for everything that's gone wrong in his life in his pursuit to chase down Wilford (It's hilarious that this aired before my Lupin III hyperfixation because this is literally Zenigata and Lupin III, it's crazy, this video is literally why I had that obsession and it's insane to me - it all leads back to Markiplier, my pipeline is fucking linear at this point)

Wilford basically ignores Abe as he manages to get free from his binds as he refuses the law of nature and physics, staring at the wall with pictures and news paper clippings pinned about, and Wilford begins reminicing about the past and his sorrows - also he makes a joke about how Celine would "carve his heart out" which I think is a parallel to how Actor Mark said the same thing to Damien with a VERY different undertone

Also, we're getting close to the territory of where my absolutely infuriating hatred for how good Mark is at storytelling and leading us on and how well he knows his fanbase so fair warning to that, like how the screen has a rubberband glitch with a frame - ONCE, THROUGHOUT THE ENTIRE FILM and it's when he's talking to Abe about how his memories tend to get jumbled and fuzzy from all the years and also probably the fact that space and time don't affect him properly anymore

But also Wilford starts to bring up memories, dismissing Abe's doubting or misremembering as things that "probably haven't happened yet", again, this man transends space and time I CAN'T

AUGHHHH

Wilford is an enigma and I love him for it he's chaotic whimsical

Later Abe, in a jumpscare as Wilford is suddenly in front of him shoots Wilford but it has absolutely no affect on him - we don't even see a gun shot wound or hole on his shirt as he gentle silences the gun and kisses it like it's some poor child, pushing it down to continue talking to a very terrifed Abe who's now questioning everything he knows and believed to be true

Wilford starts explaining absurdism to Abe as he starts questioning reality, the detective blowing up at him again for practically ruining his life but Wilford starts asking Abe about their history - about how long he's been chasing him, how Wilford got away in the past, what their closest encounters were, and as Abe can't seem pin point any specific time besides the time of the WKM party, Wilford dawns on him that "no one can survive a bullet to the heart" and it all seems to click

And in the most infuriating scene of my life, Wilford offers Abe a release, a way to enjoy his life, as figures appear behind him, all adorned in a white mask with a pink mustache on it

That

WHOOOO

I must've watched that scene a HUNDRED TIMES BY NOW - and Mark keeps teasing it !! In Space did a small thing with it and even in the stream Mark did of explaining WMLW HE SAID NOTHING ABOUT THIS ??? WHY IS HE KEEPING THIS SO TIGHT TO HIS CHEST I'M GONNA EXPLODE

Fuck the FNaF timeline THIS IS MORE CONFUSING IT MAKES ME SO

AUUGHH

[REDACTED] [REDACTED] [REDACTED]

Anyway, the video ends with Abe shrugging, giving in and dancing to the end credits music as the color is saturated once again, the cast partying and dancing together with the credits rolling

God fucking damn do I love Markiplier

I wanna try and sum up my different autistic obsessions with the different characters cause I love Darkiplier and Wilford in very different ways

Dark I love in the way of "I want to intimatey know your character so badly that if someone were to ask me how does Dark feel about bowling? I could give a three hour powerpoint presentation on why I think he would enjoy it"

Wilford I love in the way of "FUCKING SCRIMBLO !!!!!1!!!1!!111! THE AUTISM !!1!!1!1!!11!111!1! OH MY GOD !!1111!!!1 FUCK I'M GONNA RIP YOU INTO A MILLION PIECES I LOVE YOU SO MUCH RAAAAAAAAAAH"

Personal headcanons birthed from this series:

Because Celine dabbles in the occult and The groundskeeper had swore never to go into the manor save for one reason and that reason being suggestively demonic or otherwise supernatural on top of the fact that Damien was questioned to secretly be a demon, I believe Dark, having Damien and Celine's soul within one body, might be some demonic force, whether it be a demonic ritual that created Dark or Dark being a different demon entirely, my personal headcanon/theory (kinda ?) is that Dark is a demon or demonic source

More specifically, I mentioned a while back that Tom is a demon of Wrath, well I believe Dark to not only be a demon of Pride, but the demon of pride

But this is more than a headcanon than a theory so I don't think anyone'll bite into this more than me lol

EDIT: The video where Santa has the blurred face did come from a charity livestream ! it came way after MTV though, roughly like two years after during the "Stand Up To Cancer" Livestream as one of many milestone reward skits

EDIT 2: Remember how I said I was gonna talk about Porniplier later? Cut due to time, I cannot go any further than three days to write this my autism may be insane but even it has it's limits

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mischief-lies-and-stories · 1 year ago

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Loki Season 2 Wishlist

I've been creating a wishlist for what I want to see in Loki season 2, which premieres October 6.... [pause for long-suffering sigh because I’m so tired] I’m very annoyed that it’s not coming out until October (if it’s genuinely because of the strike(s), I’m not annoyed with the writers/actors but with the studios for not meeting demands so we can move on with our lives, but I’m pretty damn sure the strike is a scapegoat). I’m not surprised they keep moving it back, because they also kept pushing back season one! (I wish this format was audio so you could hear my indignation, haha.) But I wish it was still coming out in the summer like it was supposed to. Anyway, let’s jump into it. (Fair warning, a little bit of ranting incoming.)

First things first, Lokius: This ship has grown on me. I was resisting for a very long time, and I think it took until about episode four or five before I was like, “Okay, fine, you can date Owen Wilson.” And then I was all on board, and at this point I’ve written I think three Lokius fics on AO3 (link in the blog description). So, yeah. @ MCU, if you need some ideas, agree to the writers’ and actors’ demands and then hire me. I’m a lot of things but I’m not a scab. Okay, anyway.

Genderfluid Loki: I’m genderfluid myself, and the “representation” included in the show was nonexistent. First of all, fluid is not a sex. Sex is assigned to you at birth, on Earth, and it corresponds to your genitalia. You are usually assigned male or female. There may be some places now where you can get Intersex put onto your birth certificate, if that qualifies, but until very recently, most intersex babies ended up undergoing surgery to change their bodies to fit better with one sex assignment or the other. Therefore, fluid cannot be considered a sex, at least in terms of on Earth. Perhaps it could be on other planets, but the people watching this show (as Twitter has been so helpfully pointing out recently) are on Earth, so no, wrong, Loki’s genderfluidity is gender-based not sex-based. I don’t know why they didn’t just put gender on the file, they should have. And that was the only time they included it, and I think that they put it there (aside from being like “ooh look at us we’re so progressive!”) as foreshadowing that Sylvie was going to be a girl. Which is bullshit, because that’s not what genderfluid means, either! Genderfluid means that you, yourself, change genders. And we never, in the show or the MCU in general, see Loki explicitly present or identify himself as anything other than a man. And furthermore, Sylvie isn’t genderfluid either, because she never states that she’s anything other than a woman. Nor do either of them ever request people refer to them using any other pronouns. On top of that, Sylvie is a trans woman, you cannot convince me otherwise, and you will pry that conviction out of my cold, dead, genderfluid hands. (I’m very incensed about this entire thing, I apologize. This is why I inserted the read more and the warning above.) So I’d like to see more of genderfluid Loki (not Sylvie; she’s made it clear that she is a (trans) woman, and I’m respecting that she’s got one gender). I don’t necessarily need to see him shapeshift into a woman, like into a different actor or Tom Hiddleston in make-up or something, because as much as I would love to shapeshift, I can’t, and I don’t think he needs to shapeshift to be his most authentic, genderfluid self (because then what does that say about irl genderfluid people? rant for another time, though, sorry). So I just want a little more justice to be paid to that, and maybe let him change up his pronouns sometimes. All right, moving on, before I get really worked up.

Verity: I love Loki: Agent of Asgard. Al Ewing is my favorite comic writer for this reason (and not because he’s also bi; I just found that out 24 hours ago). Agent of Asgard is, in my opinion, the best version of Loki ever to hit the comics. It is the best version of genderfluid Loki, the best version of redemption arc Loki, the best version of Loki as a character in general. And his best friend is Verity Willis, ace icon Verity Willis. (I don’t make the rules, she’s ace; have you seen her character design? Have you heard her say that she’s not interested in romance? She’s ace!) I want her, some how, some way, in Loki. This is a little bit more of a stretch, because I don’t know how she can be put in, so this is a little bit more of a pipe-dream of a wish. But I want. her. in. Loki. So bad.

Theo Bell: I also really like Mackenzi Lee’s Loki: Where Mischief Lies. (It’s a great book; you should definitely read it if you haven’t.) In it, Theo is Loki’s love interest-slash-coworkerish-slash-partner in crime. This story is set in Victorian England. Theo Bell is gay and walks with a cane. It’s been awhile since I read it so I may be taking this theory from a fanfic I wrote, but I’m pretty sure it’s canon that he became disabled as a result of a homophobic attack. (So trigger warning for that, but if it’s canon it’s only mentioned) He’s a great character; he’s funny, he’s snarky, he doesn’t put up with any of Loki’s shit, and he can also (and this might also be me adding to the character but I’m pretty sure I’m right) see through Loki’s lies pretty quickly at some points. So I would really like to see Theo in the MCU. I also have some theories about Theo versus Mobius (shameless plug for one of my fics, Choose Me, which utilizes my theory about them), so I would like for Theo to show up in the way that proves my theory right.

Agent of Asgard Loki: At the very least, I just really want that coat, that coat is so cool. (If you don’t know what I’m talking about, google Loki: Agent of Asgard. The coat that he wears throughout the comic is kick-ass.) I want that coat somewhere in the show, I do not care who’s wearing it. That being said, I really want Agent of Asgard Loki to make an appearance in the MCU at some point. Somehow. I already have some theories about where I think we can go with AoA Loki in the MCU (which I’ll probably post about later). Like I said, I really love that version of Loki, I really love that comic arc, and I want him somehow paid tribute to somewhere in the show. Actually, though, I did just reread the entire comic run, and I noticed that towards the end in the final climax of his redemption arc, there’s a lot of similarities between that and the last couple episodes of season one. So they already seem to be drawing on AoA, so maybe they won’t be able to include the actual characterization of Loki from AoA. But it’s still on my list.

Let Loki do more magic, goddammit!: He does very little magic in season one. Although he’s not able to do magic in the TVA (which was very annoying for the fic I was trying to write the other day), but as far as I can tell, he only does magic like four or five times in the rest of the show. Classic Loki literally says (and I looked up the exact quote because I’m a NERD, can you tell?) “Blades are worthless in the face of a Loki’s sorcery.” And then Loki proceeds to do NO MAGIC for most of the show! So I want him to do more magic, especially shapeshifting. And at one point I think he mentions that he likes doing his duplicity thing, so I think he should do more of that, too. (Which I think based on the only trailer-like thing we’ve gotten so far, it seems like he’s going to do. And maybe I’m stealing this from that trailer, but I think it would be really funny if he did the duplicity thing and then Mobius automatically knows which one is the real Loki, which is hilarious, because Thor doesn’t usually know.)

Give my girl Sylvie a girlfriend: While I do like the idea of her with B-15, I feel like the reason why we’re shipping her with B-15 for the most part is because there are basically no other girls in this show. C-20 is dead, Renslayer is a dick, and we just really don’t want her to be with Loki (you saw my first entry on this list, you know where I stand). I’m counting Loki on this list since he’s genderfluid even though it’s not being portrayed very well. So her with B-15 is fine, I do kind of like it, but I don’t know enough about B-15, I don’t know enough about their relationship. I don’t think they even have enough of a relationship yet for me to really feel like I super ship it. But I just want somebody for her, preferably a girlfriend, because I think that’d be cute. I’m genderfluid, personally, but I’m available. ;-)

Thor: I! Want! Thor! I know we got Frog Thor, but I want actual Thor! I want Thor to give all of the Lokis a hug, in particular Kid Loki (and I have some theories about why he killed Thor, or why he said he killed Thor), Classic Loki, Sylvie, and also our regular Loki. Because I think they need a hug from their big brother (I know they were raised as twins, but I like saying he’s their big brother, I don’t care).

Classic Loki in Valhalla: Pretty straight forward (and you can read After on AO3, because I wrote this). I need Classic Loki to see Thor and I need Classic Loki to be in Valhalla, because I think he deserves it. (If he’s actually dead.)

Mobius’s backstory: I want to know where Mobius came from; I want to know how he got to the TVA. I want to know if he had a jet ski or if my theory is correct (per Choose Me).

Why Sylvie was taken by the TVA: There are some great theories about why Sylvie was taken by the TVA, one of which I subscribe to the most as of late (as included in Nothing Matters at the End of the World. I’m pretty sure this is my last plug on this post, I’m so sorry). But I am not convinced that she was taken in because she’s a girl. I think that’s transphobic and misogynistic and nonsense. And I say transphobic because Sylvie’s a transwoman, and I will not be taking criticism on this. I don’t care that that line “born the goddess of mischief” was probably meant to discourage trans headcanons, and I encourage the writers to respectfully get their heads out of their asses and consider that “born this way” is not just a Lady Gaga song (but the song is also relevant in this case). So I think it’s pretty damn transphobic to say that she isn’t allowed to exist because she’s a woman. And it’s misogynist and transmisogynist to claim that the rest of what the timeline demands of her cannot be accomplished if she isn’t a cis man or genderfluid or whatever a “right” Loki is. So I want to know why she was actually taken in. There are a lot of theories online about why she was arrested, and I like a lot of them. And on top of that, she doesn’t know! She told Loki that it’s because she’s a girl, but then when she gets in front of Renslayer, she’s like, “What was my nexus event?” Which implies that she does not actually know. And maybe it’s just bad writing or a plot hole, and that’s very possible. It’s the MCU, and writers make mistakes (I know I sure do, though I don’t have a team of people checking my work). But I’m choosing to go with she doesn’t actually know. She was like six years old, she was a kid, she assumed something. And why would you assume that, if you’re six? Unless you’ve been told something else your whole life. So there are two possibilities for why she assumed this. Either, yes, she’s a cis woman, and spent her entire life until that point being told-- presumably by Odin--that because she’s a girl she’s not gonna rule. Which would suck, but checks out for Odin, because he’s a dick. Or she spent most of her life being told she’s a boy and having to tell everybody that she’s a girl. And even if she isn’t faced with any transphobia on Asgard (as Where Mischief Lies would have us believe), that’s hard for a six year old, and when she’s told that she’s in trouble for doing nothing, she’s gonna make some assumptions, and maybe she landed on that. But I don’t think she actually knows why and I want to know why. And I think she deserves to know why.

Reunite Sylvie with Thor: I either want Sylvie to reunite with her Thor or be sibling-adopted by Loki’s Thor (bonus points if Loki gets jealous and Thor has to be like “Give me a break. I love you, too, idiot.”). I want Sylvie to somehow get her brother back, whether it’s the one she lost or the Thor we know. I think she needs somebody, and I think Thor is a great person for that. Because I think Thor will immediately be like “You’re great. I love you. You’re wonderful, just because you’re my sister, and you’re the best.” Even after just meeting her, because Thor is such a wonderful little golden retriever puppy, and also, he loves Loki so much. And he continues to, even after everything that happened in the MCU! And that’s lovely, and I think Sylvie deserves someone like that.

And finally, I need Loki, somehow, in some way, to be able to lift Mjolnir by the end of season 2: I think he’s moving, very swiftly, towards being worthy of lifting Mjolnir, and I want him to be able to do that. I think that will show him, personally, that he is better and has changed. And I think he needs that physical validation and confirmation that he’s changed. I think that people (Mobius) can tell him until they’re blue in the face that he’s a good person, that he can be good, and that he can do what’s right and be a hero, but until he can lift Mjolnir (the way his brother can, because he’s been told by everyone his whole life that his brother is the best), I don’t think that he’ll believe that he is worthy of anything. And I want Thor and Mobius to see it, and I want them to lose their goddamn minds. Because I certainly will.

#Loki #loki tv show #loki season 2 #loki spoilers #loki season one #loki season 1 spoilers #sylvie laufeydottir #mobius m mobius #lokius #references to loki agent of asgard #loki agent of asgard #verity willis #references to loki where mischief lies #loki where mischief lies #theo bell #did this make any sense at all? i'm scribing it from a recording i did on my phone eight hours ago lol #not all posts on this blog will be this damn long i promise

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mcu-multiverse-order-review · 2 months ago

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Spider-Man - Season One (1967-1968)

And done so much quicker than I was expecting.

So this blog is supposed to be a list of things attached to the MCU, starting with this series, and honestly, I think my initial beliefs were right in all the MCU connections. The music, the pointing meme, and obviously Spider-Man himself all make appearances in season one of the show.

Review wise I can say that most of the show seems to be fine, enjoyable but some of it has aged like very, very old, sour milk.

Under the cut I’ve made a breakdown of every episode in season one, covering personal thoughts, recurring plotlines and important character introductions.

Just as a heads up, there is one episode (Episode 9a) that I honestly believe is just racist, I’ve marked that episode specifically with a content warning.

Episode 1a - “The Power of Dr. Octopus”

First thing to note, before the episode even starts properly, the theme song. It’s a bop and incredibly iconic to boot. I’m not going to be mentioning it as we continue with this series as it appears at the front of every single episode, but it’s good to start with.

Characters introduced:

Peter Parker / Spider-Man

And our main man of the hour, Peter Parker is the first face we see in this show. Apparently he’s supposed to be a teenager here, but I can’t see it; He looks and sounds like he’s in his 30s. Anyway, he quickly changes into Spider-Man at the beginning of the episode. This incarnation of Spider-Man is accurately quick-witted and honestly I can see why he’s the face of many classic memes.

Doctor Octopus

Never referred to by his actual name of Dr. Otto Octavius, but this is our first appearance of Doc Ock. He doesn’t have a very interesting design in this version, just wearing a blue jumpsuit, with his mechanical tentacles coming out of his sides.

J. Jonah Jameson

As expected, JJJ has graced us with his presence at the start of this adventure. The ol' brush-head comes with his signature boomer mentality and sheer hatred of Spider-Man.

Betty Brant

In more recent depictions, Betty Brant is a significantly minor character in the Spider-Man mythos, but she's the main female lead in this series. I by that I mean she's the only woman that appears for most of the show.

Episode 1b - “Sub-Zero for Spidey”

Firstly, Pluto’s not a planet, Parker, you should know this. Secondly, this seems seems like a good time to mention this show's goofy ass animation. Thirdly, the only new characters in this episode, Dr. Smartyr and the Plutonians, are original characters for this show, so they ain't relevant.

Episode 2a - “Where Crawls the Lizard”

Motherfucker just made a swamp boat out of webs. That is all.

Anyway this episode introduces some new characters to the mix, granted only one of them is actually important to the Spider-Man mythos as a whole, but let’s go through ‘em anyway.

Characters Introduced:

Dr. Curtis Conner / The Lizardman

Ok, so immediately if you’re a Spider-Man nerd some things may look off here. Yes his name is supposed to be Dr. Curt Connors, not Conner. Not once is the Lizard actually called “The Lizard”, he is almost exclusively referred to as “The Lizardman”. And Dr. Connors in this continuity very noticeably has both his arms, with the lizard formula being made to cure swamp fever rather than regrow limbs.

Grace Conner

Honestly, all I know about her is that she’s Curt’s wife and that her name in the main 616 continuity is Martha, not Grace.

Billy Conner

Curt’s son. That is all I know about him.

Episode 2b - “Electro, the Human Lighting Bolt”

Would you look at that, Spider-Man behind a desk. What will he do? Become a meme apparently, or get shot at by Electro; depends on who you ask.

Also, I’m fucking sorry, did Pete just say he added asbestos to his web fluid. Bruh. This show sure knows how to show its age.

Anyway, this episode seems to be our first case of JJJ blaming Spider-Man for shit he didn’t do and having the police chase him; a common trope moving forward. It’s also the first appearance of the Spider-Tracer, although called the Electronic Spider Device in this episode.

Characters Introduced:

Electro

Good ol’ characterless Max Dillon makes his debut in this episode. This time Electro seems to be a thief that likes hanging out at carnivals, because I guess there’s nothing better for him to do.

Episode 3 - “The Menace of Mysterio”

Ah, the classic Mysterio story, framing Spider-Man for a robbery and then wanting to be seen “bringing him to justice”; you love to see it. Of course this plot comes with a healthy dose of the police and Jameson after Spidey too. But, I’m not gonna lie seeing JJJ actually getting his comeuppance at the end of the episode was very cathartic and funny,

Something of note during Mysterio and Spider-Man’s second confrontation in the film studio, Spidey declares that his powers are magical. This isn’t relevant to anything, just something strange I noticed.

Characters Introduced:

Joe / Mysterio

Ok, so who the fuck is “Joe” and why does he look like Namor the Submariner. Basically, he’s pretty much just Quentin Beck under a different name. But he is very much the classic Mysterio.

Episode 4a - “The Sky is Falling”

Did the Vulture fucking call Spider-Man a boob? Lol

Anyway, that was indeed an episode. I think I’m gonna start running out of things to say soon.

Characters Introduced:

The Vulture

So apparently this isn’t Adrian Toomes, but is instead a guy named Raniero "Blackie" Drago. I really fucking hope that nickname doesn’t have a racist origin, cos it has those vibes and I ain’t here for it. Bro has an infinity sized chin. I don’t think I’ve ever seen the Vulture actually controlling birds before.

Episode 4b - “Captured by J. Jonah Jameson”

Other than seeing triple J taking a more villainous role this episode, there’s nothing really of note.

Characters Introduced

Henry Smythe

Ok, so Henry Smythe is more or less the same as his 616 counterpart, Spencer Smythe. Ngl tho, the Spider Slayer in this episode looks hilarious in comparison to how I’m used to seeing it.

Episode 5a - “Never Step on a Scorpion”

Other than the obvious JJJ creates the Scorpion storyline, this episode also introduces Peter’s sheer incompetence in talking to women. It should also be noted that Jameson sounds more like a whiny bitch than usual in this episode.

Characters Introduced:

The Scorpion

Mac Gargan rears his ugly mug as the Scorpion, making his animated debut. Looks like he’s stoned out of mind on all close up shots. For some reason he roars like a constipated T. rex.

Dr. Farley Stillwell

Originally I had a sentence about how I was only including Stillwell as an important inclusion because I had heard of him once before, but I decided to redact it as they didn't seem fair. This character seems to have more to do than just be an occasional background character in the 616 continuity, so it would be a disservice to disregard him just because I'm ignorant to who he is.

Episode 5b - “Sands of Crime”

Yet another Spidey framed story. Literally nothing else of note really.

Characters Introduced:

Sandman

The Sandman, everyone’s favourite dream god… wait, no, wrong character. The Sandman, everyone’s favourite dusty thief, makes his debut in this episode. So I made some discoveries while researching for this episode. I went so long believing Sandman to be Flint Marko, but apparently that’s only in a few continuities. Sandman’s actual name is William Baker, who I thought was a separate guy this entire time. Like, yeah honestly believed there was two Sandmen.

Episode 6a - “Diet of Destruction”

“Walloping Web-Snappers!” is such a shit catchphrase. Anyway this episode brings us an original enemy that is never seen again (which they kept calling a monster, despite being very clearly a robot) and flying cars.

Episode 6b - “The Witching Hour”

So this episode finally introduces a few key aspects of Spider-Man.

Pete dipping out in the middle of a date. (Poor Betty)

On his eternal quest to legalise weed and do magic shit, Spider-Man's arch nemesis finally makes an appearance.

And for fuck sake, why does JJJ with Spidey and the Green Goblin are the same person. Man is legitimately stupid sometimes most of the time.

Characters Introduced:

Green Goblin

At last, Norman Osborn makes his grand entrance to the world of animation. Now, this may be a product of its time, but Goblin seems to be a lot more magic focused than I’m used to him being. Not really a problem, just something I noticed.

Episode 7a - “Kilowatt Kaper”

And here’s our first episode to feature a returning villain; this time it’s Electro up to no good. Other than that there is nothing else of note in this episode.

Episode 7b - “The Peril of Parafino”

Another episode with an original villain; but honestly if you had told me Parafino was a prototype for Cletus Kasady I’d believe you.

Episode 8 - “Horn of the Rhino”

Spider-Ball, thanks, I hate it.

Anyway, this episode is yet another one of Spider-Man getting blamed for shit he didn’t do. Only this time JJJ spends a night in lockup for trying to trespass onto military grounds. What a dumbarse.

Characters Introduced:

Aunt May

May Parker makes her long awaited appearance. As expected she holds a caring position over Peter, but still holds onto JJJ’s anti-Spider-Man rhetoric. Honestly, it’s good to finally see her.

Rhino

Aleksei Sytsevich, sounding less Russian than expected, makes his animated debut in this extended episode. Why the Rhino gets a full 20 minutes and Doc Ock & Green Goblin only getting 10 minute slots is honestly beyond me.

Episode 9a - “The One-Eyed Idol”

CW: Racism

So, we learned both Pete and Betty are racist, that’s just really not cool. Seriously, I’m pretty sure this is the first time we actually see a black character in this show and he gets called both a monster and a dog. The fuck. Like, I know this show is old, but bloody hell, this is some very, very poorly aged milk.

I was gonna make a joke about JJJ getting hypnotised again, but now I just don’t feel like it. Mood’s dead.

Episode 9b - “Fifth Avenue Phantom”

This episode features a freak that uses android mannequins to steal shit and turn things into toys, I think. Literally nothing of any actual note.

Episode 10a - “The Revenge of Dr. Magneto”

Yet another meme for the collection: Peter Parker reading a book.

Anyway this episode adds fuck all to the greater list. “But wait!” I hear you say, “Isn’t Magneto in this episode? He’s in the title.” Unfortunately not, Dr. Matto Magneto has no relation to the actual Magneto. Sorry Erik, your time will have to come later.

Episode 10b - “The Sinister Prime Minister”

Another episode of stuff that happens. Anyway the only important part of this episode is…

Character Introductions:

Charles Cameo / The Imposter

“Teri, who the fuck is this and why are you bringing attention to them?” Because Charles Cameo is the 60s Spider-Man incarnation of Dmitri Smerdyakov, The Chameleon. Now Chameleon’s first comic debut does pre-date the show, so I do wonder why they didn’t just use Dmitri, but eh whatever, I’m counting it.

Episode 11a - “The Night of the Villains”

Ah yes, the return of Parafino, because he was just so memorable the first time. Seriously, for the show's second returning villain, you’d think they’d pick someone with an actual stage presence.

Episode 11b - “Here Comes Trubble”

I’ll be completely honest, I was more focused on hatching pokémon eggs than actually watching the episode, which is fine cause bugger all happened anyway.

Episode 12a - “Spider-Man Meets Doctor Noah Boddy”

How many times can someone get bailed out of lock up before that just stops working? I’m just curious as JJJ getting permanent prison time would’ve been funny.

Episode 12b - “The Fantastic Fakir”

Since when were webbing and rope snakes? Also did Spidey just fucking killed a guy by opening a door.

Unlike Episode 9a, I’m not gonna call this episode overtly racist, I’m just gonna heavily imply it. But in all honesty, I really doubt a single Saudi Arabian person was involved in the making of this. It just had some really not good vibes.

Episode 13a - “Return of the Flying Dutchman”

So Mysterio’s back in this episode, and for some reason he has decided to be a pirate, because of course he has. Much more importantly Pete fucking with JJJ at the end of the episode is honestly just great.

Episode 13b - “Farewell Performance”

Mostly forgettable honestly, but it is nice watching Spidey outsmart JJJ again.

Episode 14a - “The Golden Rhino”

Rhino’s back but this time instead of destroying the world, for some reason his plan is to make a solid gold statue of himself. Priorities, I guess. Anyway, add this episode to the list of JJJ blaming Spider-Man for shit he didn’t do.

Episode 14b - “Blueprint for Crime”

Ok, so I get Pete’s plan in this episode was to draw the Enforcers out by framing himself, but that then started to get JJJ to question how Pete gets photos of Spider-Man. If this show actually had a plot I’m sure that would come up later. Anyway, this episode has three villains, the main one, The Plotter, I’m pretty sure is original to the show, the other two however…

Character Introductions:

Cowboy & Ox (The Enforcers)

Jackson Brice, usually called Montana but referred to as Cowboy in this, and Raymond Bloch, the Ox, are a criminal team known as The Enforcers. They make their animated debut here. I personally don’t know much about them other than Montana doesn’t stay as Montana in a show I plan to get to much later. (I’m very excited to get to it tho)

Episode 15a - “The Spider and the Fly”

I’ll be honest, the most interesting thing from this episode is what the Flys actual names are: Stan & Lee Patterson. Get it? Stan Lee. Hilarious. I am positively pissing myself with laughter (Written with a face that can only be described as -_- )

Episode 15b - “The Slippery Doctor Von Schlick”

I am running out of things to say on episodes that don't do shit.

Episode 16a - “The Vulture’s Prey”

So, The Vulture and his enormous chin have returned to bully Jameson. I am ok with this. And to be completely fair, the ending with Spidey refusing to help JJJ without saying “please” was actually funny, in my opinion.

Episode 16b - “The Dark Terrors”

The Fifth Avenue Phantom returns to play with shadows, how cute.

Episode 17a - “The Terrible Triumph of Dr. Octopus”

Hooray, Doc Ock is back. With a new voice, I think. Oh yeah, that scientist that spoke with the ice guys, yeah he’s also back, but he’s much less important. And oh goodie, a “spiders aren’t insects” joke, I’m surprised it’s taken this long.

So many episodes in and honestly Octavius seems to be the only villain in the show that is actually threatening. Like, the show butchers almost everyone in characterisation, but Ock is portrayed really well here, actively outsmarting Spider-Man for most of the episode only for his downfall to be his own hubris.

Episode 17b - “Magic Malice”

What’s this? A double whammy of Spidey’s greatest foes?! Green Goblin is back, and I just noticed the length of his eyelashes, like girl you gotta tell me where you get those done, or at least what type of mascara you use, cos I’m jealous.

Not gonna lie, it’s funny watching the Green Goblin stoop to money and jewellery theft knowing how rich Norman Osborn is in literally every other continuity.

Also he just took an axe to the arse and his only response is “ouch”. Not important, I just thought that was funny.

Notice how I have more to say with villains like Goblin and Ock. It’s almost as if they’re just inherently more interesting.

Episode 18a - “Fountain of Terror”

First of all, the main villain from that racist episode is back, thankfully didn’t look like he brought that shit with him. More importantly Dr. Connors is back, and surprisingly not the Lizard. It's good to see Connors out of being a reptile.

Episode 18b - “Fiddler on the Loose”

The villain of this episode is called the Fiddler. Just take that in for a moment.

That is the worst villain name I have ever heard. I originally had a joke written here, but I decided not to and leave the joke to your imagination.

Episode 19a - “To Catch a Spider”

Me and the boys forming the Sinister Six Fearsome Four Spider-Catchers.

Anyway, this episode brings Dr. Noah Boddy back to break Vulture, Electro, & Green Goblin out of prison. Together they form the Spider-Catchers. But as always with the Sinister-Six adjacent they also fall apart due to infighting, granted this time it was caused mostly by Pete knowing how to do voice impersonations, for some reason.

Episode 19b - “Double Identity”

Eureka! The pointing meme! I have found it.

Anyway it’s a standard Chameleon plot, using recognisable faces to steal shit.

Episode 20a - “Sting of the Scorpion”

Ok, what the fuck happened to Pete here? His everything is broken.

Also Scorpion becomes a kaiju in this episode, so that was pretty neat.

Episode 20b - “Trick or Treachery”

Another Spidey framed plot, this time orchestrated by the Fly twins.

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kevinsreviewcatalogue · 3 months ago

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Review: Deadpool & Wolverine (2024)

Deadpool & Wolverine (2024)

Rated R for strong bloody violence and language throughout, gore and sexual references

Score: 3 out of 5

The Marvel Cinematic Universe's first R-rated film, and the long-awaited arrival of Deadpool into the MCU following Disney's buyout of 20th Century Fox, is exactly what I was expecting: a gleefully lowbrow pisstake on superhero movies that this time lets them train their fire directly on the 800-pound gorilla of the whole genre now that they're all under the same corporate umbrella. It's undoubtedly a weaker film than its two predecessors, one that is unfortunately afflicted by many of the problems that have recurred throughout the MCU in general and its later period in particular, most notably exceptionally thin narrative tissue that serves primarily as filler to get to the action, the jokes, and the laundry list of cameos. But really, that's just about what I expected from Deadpool entering the MCU: a movie where you knew Disney wouldn't let him interact with the really important stuff, especially not at a time when the whole franchise is at a crossroads thanks to declining reviews, audience burnout, and well-publicized behind-the-scenes troubles, and would instead give him his own little corner of the universe to fuck around with in exchange for mocking the shit out of the rest of it from the bleachers. The result is, basically, a oneshot Deadpool/MCU shitpost fanfic done professionally, a film that, for all that Wade Wilson hypes himself up as "Marvel Jesus" who's gonna save the MCU, knows that it doesn't really matter except maybe on a thematic level. It's a movie made for everybody who's gotten bored with superhero movies in general and Marvel's brand of such in particular, one that's also a pretty good example of the genre in its own right and a fun welcome party for Deadpool into his new home -- even if, and I can't believe I still have to say this after three Deadpool movies, parents absolutely, positively should not take their kids to see it.

(Kids themselves, on the other hand? Feel free to sneak in to your heart's content. I'm not gonna stop you. Shit, I'm the kind of guy who bought a metal water bottle specifically small enough to sneak it into theaters in my pockets. I swear, the Deadpool movies are basically this generation's version of RoboCop in terms of extremely R-rated films that kids seem to love anyway.)

You know exactly what kind of irreverent movie this is the moment it opens with Deadpool, in an effort to save his universe from destruction by the multiversal time-cops of the Time Variance Authority, nullifying the tragic, moving sendoff that Wolverine (and, by extension, Hugh Jackman) experienced at the end of Logan by literally digging up his grave and then defiling his corpse by using his adamantium-plated bones as weapons to brutally slaughter the TVA agents after him. (Oh, and spoilers for Logan. This movie spoils it anyway, so hey.) The entire plot is a metaphor for how Disney's buyout of 20th Century Fox means the end of Fox's X-Men movie universe and all the other superhero movie franchises that Fox produced, starting with the fact that Wolverine's death means that the timeline that he and Deadpool inhabited lost its "anchor being" -- which is to say, Wolverine was the breakout star of those movies, and the decision to kill him off marked the symbolic end of the X-Men movies. And the ambitious TVA bureaucrat Mr. Paradox has decided that, rather than let that timeline naturally decay and fade away over the course of a few millennia, they're gonna strip it for parts and then "prune" it with a sci-fi doomsday weapon that will delete it from existence. Deadpool decides that, even though Disney the TVA wants him in the MCU Sacred Timeline because he's that awesome a character, he's not gonna go if it means that all of his friends are gonna get blinked out of existence as their timeline is "pruned". No, he's gonna find a new Logan to replace the one his universe lost, and if that means crossing the TVA, so be it.

Thus begins a wild and wacky buddy action flick in which Deadpool manages to snatch a Logan wearing a comics-accurate blue-and-yellow Wolverine costume, but one who was also a failure in his own universe whose alcoholism caused him to let his fellow X-Men down in fatal, catastrophic fashion. Hugh Jackman, returning to the part he's played for over twenty years now (and, as Deadpool jokes, is probably gonna be dragged back to until he's ninety), serves largely as the straight man to Ryan Reynolds' off-the-wall humor as Deadpool, and as the film's emotional anchor who gets much of the drama and trauma in his life and past. There's no way his performance here would ever top Logan, but for the kind of movie this is, Jackman is still perfect for the part, establishing great buddy chemistry with Reynolds right off the bat as the two of them bicker, argue, fight, try to kill each other on multiple occasions, and eventually set aside their differences and become friends. At its core, underneath all the in-jokes and moments that have had comic book fans buzzing for months now thanks to the rumors circulating about them, this is a buddy cop movie without the cops, and Jackman and Reynolds sell it the way that Mel Gibson and Danny Glover sold it in Lethal Weapon.

As for everyone else, merely listing the characters who show up here, drawn from throughout the history of Marvel comic book adaptations over the last thirty years, would spoil half the fun. The experience of watching this as a lifelong fan of superhero movies is a two-hour version of the famous shot in The Avengers of Captain America saying "I understood that reference," and I'll admit that it's pretty shallow and, in its own way, suffers from a lot of the same problems with continuity lockout that have plagued the MCU lately. In this case, instead of the plots of movies and TV shows that came before it, this film asks you to be familiar with a lot of the backstage drama and inside baseball that's gone on with them, from canceled X-Men spinoffs to the prior roles of some of the MCU's biggest stars to a reboot that Kevin Feige and company have been trying to get made for years but which at this point seems to be cursed. If ever the term "Reddit movie" were to be applied to a film, this would be the ticket. Personally, I did, in fact, understand those references, being as I am in the prime demographic this movie was made for, a young man raised on superhero movies who does in fact use Reddit. As such, I laughed my ass off at a lot of the jokes here. That being said, I can easily imagine how a lot of this film's humor might fly over the head of somebody younger or much older than me who isn't familiar with the movies this one is referencing, and would wind up as lost as I did watching the third act of Last Action Hero when that movie turned into a parade of '90s Hollywood in-jokes. Fortunately, the general pop culture jokes and cheesy pop music dance sequences (with some Y2K-era bangers thrown in alongside the expected '80s classics) are things that I can't see ever getting old. This may be more of a "reference movie" than its predecessors, but make no mistake, it still has their sense of humor, and it taps that to the fullest.

Beyond the humor, what plot this movie has is pretty thin and exists mainly to propel it to the next joke or action scene. Emma Corrin was easily the standout in the supporting cast as the villain Cassandra Nova, an evil twin sister of Professor X who got banished to the Void and rules it as her own personal fiefdom. The role was honestly pretty thankless and existed largely to give the movie a superpowered villain, but Corrin utterly devours it, playing Cassandra like a femme version of Gene Wilder (who Reynolds compared their performance to) as a kinda smarmy, aristocratic, and mischievous figure whose friendly demeanor can vanish in an instant the moment she decides she doesn't like you. The action scenes are about what you'd expect from Marvel at this point, boasting that familiar blend of CGI spectacle with the wacky setups we've come to expect from anything with Deadpool in it, from the 20th Century Fox logo having been dumped into the Void to some very creative use of a Honda Odyssey. These movies were all about the humor and the raunch more than anything else, anyway, and having the action and plot here be basically MCU boilerplate but with more blood and gore keeps the spotlight squarely on such, even if it never reaches the heights it did in prior films.

The Bottom Line

Joining the MCU has taken away none of Deadpool's characteristic charm or bite and given him plenty of new targets to mock. There may not be much to this movie beyond humor and bloody violence, and it may not be as lightning-in-a-bottle awesome as the first two, but as far as a 128-minute joyride goes, I was never not amused.

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dhampiravidi · 3 months ago

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my review of deadpool & wolverine

spoilers under the cut!

Overall, I liked it. I'll give it a 7/10.

OK so, I didn't make it through ANY of the Deadpool films w/o falling asleep & not bc I'm narcoleptic. I just got bored, which SUCKS bc Wade's my favorite Marvel character (at least in the comics/other media). I had hopes for this movie only bc of the lead actors' commitment to their characters & bc putting them in what's essentially a buddy cop movie was smart as fuck. At the same time...the MCU hasn't put out a satisfactory movie (aka 1 w/o plot holes or simply disappointing bits) since...maybe Winter Soldier? Eh, I don't remember. ANYWAY!

Considering that I didn't really see Deadpool 3, it was fairly easy for me to understand the beginning. Yes, I was a little confused at first, because I didn't know that he time-traveled & ALSO hopped universes...but I figured it out eventually. I like that they made his motivations 1) saving his found family & 2) wanting to do something worthwhile. That being said, I never wanted Deadpool to have a love interest unless it was maybe Shiklah or Lady Deadpool bc they actually DO "match his crazy" & they're interesting on their own. I also didn't know who "Pete" was until I looked him up, bc MCU!Pete isn't the same as comics!Pete. I'm used to poor fucking Bob from HYDRA 😅

Onto more plot...I knew as soon as that guy introduced himself as "Mr. Paradox", he'd be evil, bc the whole point of time is that you don't want paradoxes (if that wasn't clear). I got confused thinking that Wade was from a different universe than Logan* SO that made me think Wade was his own timeline's anchor being...yeah I realized that wouldn't make sense. The fight scene w/the TVA people was a little long but satisfying, at least in that it was as bloody & creative as a Deadpool fight scene should be.

I got worried when they mentioned The Void, bc I only made it through a few episodes of Loki before I got bored & confused. I can keep comic timelines straight if you let me read through & get to know each Earth individually, but not the way the MCU deals out timeline lore. HOWEVER, it was decent! I already knew about the Johnny cameo (stupid headline spoiler) but I was happy for Chris Evans (especially during the end credits scene) & I liked the Mad Max reference. The end credits scene was especially important bc Deadpool doesn't usually hand people over to be killed unless doing so will prevent HIM from getting into a lot of trouble. He's a merc who WILL & DOES kill, but typically he lets innocent people go.

Fuck Nicepool for being boring (but I think that was the point) & no, I did not like Channing Tatum's Gambit (I know he's from Louisiana but I HOPE that accent was bad on purpose, the headpiece was too chonky & I am loyal to the canon film Gambit *blushes*). That aside, I absolutely loved what we got of Laura, Elektra & Blade. Loved their fight scene, even though it sucked to see them go.

Cassandra Nova was appropriately sociopathic, as per the comics. I kept screaming for them to kill her, bc I KNEW she wasn't gonna turn good all of a sudden, but it made sense why she let them survive. I don't know HOW she can stick her hand into someone's head w/o killing them while they STILL feel pain (or how she didn't die after being stabbed; IDK maybe they're saying she telekinetically healed herself?). I liked how they brought back the Doctor Strange finger-thingy (wait, so does that mean the TVA has a constant problem of amateur magic-users going into different timelines on accident??).

As a comics fan, I was SO EXCITED seeing all the Deadpool variants. There were a bunch of references to Deadpool Kills the Marvel Universe, which is where (if you don't know) a version of Deadpool is psychically attacked. But instead of being brainwashed, his thought boxes (which act as his companions & consciences) disappear, only for him to realize that he's in a comic. Yes, he usually breaks the 4th wall. The problem is, he reasons that his friends keep suffering for the amusement of our world, so the only way to stop the cycle is to kill all the heroes, THEN kill the people who write the comic. ANYWAY! Killpool (I think that's what he's called) ends up getting confronted by mainstream/Good!Deadpool, who's assembled a Deadpool Corps of AU-Deadpools to fight all of the OTHER recruited Deadpools. Said DPs on the good side include Kidpool, Headpool (zombie head) & Lady Deadpool.

In other words, I rioted upon seeing all these versions who definitely have some cool backstories. When Logan & Wade went through them, I got pissed OFF ("wtf why didn't they heal?"). I thought they were gonna debate needing to kill Babypool (adorable), when everyone started waking up. I also liked how they showed someone growing back limbs, which is important considering the whole regenerative factor.

I do wonder how antimatter reacting w/matter didn't blow up the whole underground + 10005's version of New York or wherever, but there's always a plot hole. Besides, they've had lots of alien attacks. Maybe they build their undergrounds like nuclear bomb shelters.

All in all, 7/10.

*Is this Logan/Wade's universe the Fox movie universe? Bc we saw Captain Marvel's buddy, aka MVP of the shitty CM2, land there...so I assume the Fox universe is fine...but it CAN'T be THIS MOVIE's universe, bc their Logan wouldn't be that old! Also Logan isn't as old as Wade, but I'm pretty sure Wade shouldn't be chronologically just 30...? IDK if that was implied. TL;DR my precious Fox universe is fine. Thank you, nostalgia, The Good X-Men Casting & poor beloved misused Taylor Kitsch!Gambit + Anna Paquin!Rogue 😭

#yes I still love Taylor Kitsch's version of Gambit just GIVE HIM HIS EYES. & his Rogue. introduce him to the X-Men pls #admin #movies #movie review #deadpool #wolverine #mcu #marvel #deadpool & wolverine

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ronearoundblindly · 1 year ago

Text

The Stark Legacy (26)

Tony Stark's daughter (OC) x Bucky Barnes epic slowburn

Capacity, part of Book III: Power (see previous or series)

Summary: Tony works with Namor to pay Lil'Sam's debt.

Warnings for canon-level violence (hunt for an enemy). Also, this was originally written way before MCU's version of Namor came to screen, and the character is more like the comics' version. Rated Teen/15+ ONLY, please. WC 2.5k

CHAPTER TWENTY-SIX—April 2039

I do not want to die here. I will not die out here, Tony repeated again, watching Namor emerge onto the tiny island beach with a fresh catch of kelp in hand, and for once, a surprise of actual fish. As a superhuman, Namor understood very little about nutritional requirements for ‘surface-dwellers.’ Protein from fish was a treat that night.

Tony had never gone that long in space. Now on Earth, he felt pummeled towards the ground at all times. His muscles struggled; his lungs grew tired. ‘One step at a time’ became a mantra he repeated over and over. Namor, surprisingly, allowed Tony his time to physically recuperate as long as his mind remained in spitfire condition, which was no easy task while cut off from radio contact on a remote island.

The buoyancy in the water helped. His muscles needed the rest. Tony abhorred eating in front of Namor, the challenge being to lift the weight of the food and repetition of minute motion without any aid from his suit, but the King of Atlantis seemed unimpressed by Iron Man’s shaking hands or slow rehabilitation in normal gravity.

Friday used low-power mode to ignite the pile of wood he’d assembled then minimized his suit for his daily physical therapy, using his own muscles instead of his iron-aid. His initial fear of dying due to dehydration evaporated when Namor summoned clean, fresh water out of nowhere into a stone jug solely for Tony, but the island fruit, kelp, and odd fish diet left much to be craved. However, he was alive. Score one for Tony.

“This mother fish had a good life, and I feel you will appreciate her death so you may live.”

Yes, old lady fish sounds scrumptious. “I do appreciate it—her sacrifice,” he replied instead, “thank you.”

Unlike many other nights, Namor joined Tony by the fire, staring into the flames, the stars obscured by thick clouds. Tony would never get even the simplest signal through that mess.

Every so often, Friday caught a transmission from Banner at HQ, but this pathetically remote, square-mile island couldn’t consistently ping any satellite. If Tony got Friday to boost the signal, he risked lowering his power supply. Namor had made it clear that he should be prepared to leave at any moment if the King received word of Tigershark, and Tony did not want to be stuck deep in the ocean, fighting water-breathers, when his O2 level went critical with little power. Within the last two weeks, there had been three sightings, but the pair had arrived too late.

Tony flipped the fish on the hot stone inside the flame, nibbling on yesterday’s dried kelp.

This was the first time in recent memory that Namor stayed top-side long enough for his hair to dry, curling gently around his ears. Despite the appearance of black locks and black eyes, when dressed with sufficient light on dry land, both were more chestnut, not so different from Tony’s before his hair had gone gray, before he started dying it back darker to stop references to ‘salt and pepper.’ Tony felt close to a panic attack every time someone uttered that phrase.

“I recognize him now,” Namor tossed into the fire. “I know why Tigershark came to Atlantis.”

Tony’s interest peaked though the king decided to extend the drama of reminiscing over a dance of gold and ember. He coaxed the seaman on, “and…”

“Todd Arliss, the sniveling, arrogant, swimmer from your country, regularly swam feats of endurance across unsafe waters. He caused dozens of other, weaker swimmers to attempt the same and fail. For months, areas of the seas were littered with bodies of men, women, and some children who died trying to emulate Arliss, yet he continued. One particular day, during some sort of human warrior show, a boy fell off a ship. That idiot Arliss stopped a professional team from rescuing the boy. He believed his show of strength was worth more than a minute of breath for the boy dying in the water,” Namor scowled while reciting his tale. “I sent a current to stop him. I snapped his spine against the ship and kept the boy afloat until a real rescue team came for them both. I should have drowned that fool.”

Tony remembered that feeling of regret so vividly. “So you made a demon and he haunts you. Been there.”

“You did. You made him, and now you know what—”

He forgot his cover. “Okay, first of all,” Tony blurted, too hungry and tired to hold his tongue, “I didn’t do anything to or for Arliss. That pompous—” He caught himself. “I’ve never met him, but I am partly, indirectly responsible for the technology that was stolen to change him, maybe. And second, he could not have become a water-breathing mutant on his own. We need who he’s working with. That’s the real evil.”

Namor considered Tony’s words without moving.

“Third,” Tony started again more calmly this time, “let’s review what we know.” Which would be a lot easier if I could talk to Banner. This is one of those times where listening would come in handy. If he hadn’t been off-world for so long, he would know the lay of the land better.“Actually, what do we know?”

“Tigershark—Arliss is not intelligent enough to do this alone. If you did not transform him, who did? No being in the ocean would dare give him that power.”

“If I could be on land, civilization land to speak to—” but Tony was stopped by the blazing eyes that met his.

“You will pay your debt, Stark.”

“Yes, but we need info. So bad guy on land needs to be tracked as we do on land. The fish haven’t produced any bubbles of wisdom have they?” Namor bristled, but Tony kept going. “Let me do this my way, and we can both get what we want—” he slapped the cooked fish onto a different rock to cool “—and some fries would be great.”

Honestly, Tony was relieved that things progressed so quickly once he and Friday had access to what Banner and the team knew. He may not have had much time to chit-chat about, say, Sam, but that would have proved a distraction and possibly ruined the advantage of their freshest intel. Banner always had a way with tracking energy signatures; Tony called it ‘romancing the wave.’

Knowing the previous places Tigershark had been in the last weeks, Banner tracked anomalous weather buoy movement around coasts to narrow the mutant’s landfall location. From there, lacking social media or conspiracy theory postings about a shark out of water, he found city sewer plans for runoff pipes, dismissed pipes too small for a man-sized shark to wiggle through, and produced a short-list of convenient spots, such as abandoned warehouses or sparsely populated neighborhoods. Tony had never been so grateful for the well-oiled, well-funded machine that was his team.

Namor loathed hunting on land or spending any significant stretch out of the water. Tony loathed following a scantily-clad water-dude around. The man needed a super swimsuit with a lot more coverage, even climbing out of the tropical waters in between Belem and Sao Luis, Brazil. They didn’t have far inland to go and only four suspicious locations.

Incidentally, the first location was correct, which left the two shocked and off-balance, scrambling when the door to the condemned building flew off its crooked hinges. The rusted metal smacked Tony’s suit in the jaw, making a toe-curling scraping noise all the way up the helmet.

Tony’s visual feed flickered. “Wild guess, we found ‘em.”

The once golden-haired Olympian emerged tall, now crowned by a sharp protruding fin atop his skull, ribbed faintly up the length of his back. The taut, thick grey skin covering his streamlined swimmer physique peeled away at the mouth to reveal three rows of tiny razor teeth. Arliss was disgusting, but while Tony picked apart Tigershark’s mutant puzzle, the man-creature rushed him with two outstretched arms tipped with heavily webbed fingers and thick nails.

A high-pitched scream rang out from the open doorway. Namor bolted inside, leaving Tony with a ravenous monster from the deep lunging toward him.

Arliss’s flat jaw, squared full of extra teeth and a shrunken, useless tongue, chomped at Tony’s face. Tony clamped his Iron hands against each end of his mouth while Slippery Todd latched around his waist.

Tony wondered whether Sam had seen Todd like this and if she’d been scared. Had they threatened her to help them? Hurt her? Perhaps they lied, and Sam had no intention of turning a man into this…thing.

His boot thrusters forced them off the ground a few feet, and without traction from his smooth skin and partial wet suit, Tigershark began to slide. Tony forced his legs into a slingshot arch that slammed the dangling, foreign weight to the ground.

The transformation must have added flexibility to Arliss’s bones. He slithered upright with teeth bared again.

“Namor,” Tony called. “You want a crack at this guy or what?” Tigershark was gone by the time he turned back around. “Shit,” he mumbled. While he tracked the low body temperature of the retreating mutant, his display warned of more than just Namor and his betrothed inside. “Friday, send a heat-seeker and a track-dart for good measure.”

“Yes, Boss.”

Inside, Namor battered his trident against a cage. Two doors in lay the blue-skinned body of a similarly slippery-suited woman. Tony blew the locks between Namor and Dorma until something far stronger blasted him against the opposite wall. Right, Beach Boy doesn’t know how to secure a damn building. Good news though: Friday confirmed nothing was broken.

A lanky, middle-aged man with a fierce widow’s peak in a white lab coat flaunted a comically giant gun, one heavy enough to require both hands and balancing on his hip. The white coat bore a slice across the chest, red at the frayed edges; Namor had gotten a strike in. Rambo waltzed right past the Atlantean king. Sparks zapped across the gun’s wide muzzle. Energy weapon, origin unknown. Friday searched for analysis.

“Welcome, Mr. Stark, “the creepy doctor, assuming from the clothing, drawled in a thick accent. “I’ve been dying to know. How is our Harvard girl?”

Tony cocked an eyebrow, but Iron Man’s face gave nothing away.

“I was pleased to hear that moron of a king not only failed to kill her, but that my gift has borne the fruit of—”

“Your what now?” Tony half-listened, aiming a bullet at a tiny spot clear of the power source and the magazine within. He didn’t want to blow the whole place with a bad shot. “Look if ‘gift’ is a euphemism for,” an Iron arm swung past his crotch, “then you’ll have to book with a different therapist. Freud is available in hell on Tuesday. Please see the assistant.” Tony pointed, firing a small-caliber to disable the triggering system.

The doctor’s gun died, sputtering an electric swan-song before dropping. His target remained unfazed by the loss of his weapon, and less fazed still by Namor bolting out to the sea with Dorma in his arms.

The doctor grabbed his chest wound. “Oh please, Stark. Do you really not know? Are you that out of touch?” The bright white of his smile stood out against dark features.

Tony ignored him, dispatching two magnetic cuffs at Dorcas’s wrists. He recognized the face now, vaguely, from when Agent Hill handed him a file in a room above the Earth. Doctor Lemuel Dorcas, known associate of Harvard professor Simon Marshall. Sam? She really met Tigershark? She really is mixed up in all this.

“I’ll give you a hint,” the doctor continued, “What burns at 3000 degrees Celsius? What could stop a tsunami?”

This guy was the link, the connecting puzzle piece. The glow in Bucky’s arm. Sam has Extremis. Sam is infected with Extremis? No broken bones, no healed fractures.

The toothy grin shifted in thought. “You know, in a way, I have supported young Samantha’s development more than you yourself have. Does that make me a better father?”

Tony grasped Dorcas by the throat, but the doctor wouldn’t stop talking, spitting a few drops of blood with every few words.

“You fathered her, yes, but I gave her a way to leave you behind. I made her what she is now.”

Tony’s helmet popped open. “The hell you are—”

Spit flew red. “I gave her what she needed.”

“You gave her a virus. You made her sick.” Tony shook Dorcas, pulling against the magnetic restraints.

“I saw her potential, and I encouraged it,” Dorcas gurgled a laugh. “We helped her. Sam has friends now.”

“You sick son of a bitch, you put her in danger,” Tony screamed so close to Dorcas’s face he could rupture an eardrum. “Now I’m gonna put you in the ground.” Iron Man’s palm pressed into the doctor’s gut with bruising force. “Slowly. Painfully.” He fired, the ringing of the steel bars behind his target echoing off the walls. Tony released his grip on the man’s throat and let the body drop to the floor like a wet sack of potatoes.

Dorcas slumped, hands high and pulled at unnatural angles by the cuffs. His gurgling stopped, and Iron Man left him there to die.

Tony’s ears rang. A sharp pain stabbed him behind the eyes. His head throbbed. There was no sign of Tigershark aside from a tracker inside a chunk of flesh that appeared to be bitten off. Tony dutifully returned to the beach, but he did not go back into the water.

No one was around.

His mind turned over and over, his idea of his daughter being rewritten by the second. Child? No. Harvard? Not that type of student. His? He wouldn’t have done this. Would he?

The truth stung him deep inside. Tony absolutely had done it. He put toxic metal into his body, told no one he was dying, injected untested trackers under his skin, instigated a genocidal robot that almost wiped out the planet. He had done all of it in the hopes no one else would have to hurt—that was the lie he told himself. The motivations muddled and shifted: because it helps others, because you can, because it’s cool, sounds fun, challenges you, doesn’t challenge you, makes you impressive, saves lives, puts someone out of business, embarrasses someone. Vanity tied with charity in a bow. Philanthropy, indeed.

Tony watched the water with unseeing eyes.

“If I were an observant man, I would think you had an investment in this beyond my threat.” Namor returned from the sea to stand beside him. When Tony didn’t reply, the king relinquished, “go home, Stark. You have paid your debt.” Namor walked back to the surf, diving smoothly beneath the foaming crests.

“No, I haven’t,” Tony whispered to himself. His helmet shot back up over his face. “Friday, we’re going to headquarters.”

“Flight plan established.” The suit and Tony left the beach.

“Show me all files on Samantha Stark.”

“Yes, Boss. What year would you like to start with?”

[Chapter 27: Pigeons]

[Main Masterlist; Light Masterlist; Ko-Fi]

#the stark legacy #tony stark's daughter #bucky barnes fanfiction #bucky barnes x oc #bucky barnes fic #slow burn #slow build #epic tale #avengers fanfiction #tony stark fanfiction #marvel fanfiction #mcu fanfiction #comics namor #tony stark angst

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