#he looked so sad if you turned him down
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#i just keep thinking back to the time he asked mc to the dance in season 2#he looked so sad if you turned him down#also friendly reminder that this is what he says when you turn him down#“as this day draws to an end let the sun set on my dream as well. lost forever to the darkness; forgotten...”#i know he was still acting but he was also doing improv at that moment#obey me#obey me lucifer#mel's starry musings
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Finally got caught up with TADC and to no one’s surprise I’m now uncontrollably sobbing over the tragic doomed loving couple
#OUGH… OUGH!!!!!#TEARING MY EYEBALLS OUR AND EATING MY TEARDUCTS!!!! SCREAMING AND CRYING AND THROWING UP!!!!#moots will know that this trope is my kryptonite. *stares at heromari collection*#genuinely though. the parallels between these two and heromari are crazy#like SO CRAZY even down to the minor details#like kinger’s wife (queener??? is that canon or fanon I have no clue)#liking bugs and him being afraid of them#but they’re less scary when she’s there. when she was there :((#OUGHH THEY BOTH TURN INTO SHADOWY EYE-FOCUSED TRAUMA DEMON THINGS TOO AGHHHHHH!!!!! AGHHHHHH!!!!!!!#yeah this episode killed me so much#they remind me SO deeply of heromari and anything that does that is guaranteed to make me cry#kinger’s fort being dark so he can try and remember his memories with his wife… AGHHHHHHHH#that scene in episode two where he started to remember things when he had the bucket over his head the FORWSHADOWING JSJDNSNSJZJ!!!! SHEIEJS#ANYWAY yeah I don’t think anyone’s surprised I like this show. and this couple. and these characters. and cried over them#I have so many thoughts about them and the other characters and the show and EVERYTHING but that will be for another post#for now!!!! I cry!!!!!#tadc#the amazing digital circus#tadc kinger#I would tag wife but I don’t know her name so. ough :(#it’s so sad it’s so tragic ough ough OUGH AGH AGAJEJEJSJSJH.#tadc spoilers#‘you look beautiful honey’ END ME RIGHT FUCKING NOW/j
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He's considering it
#GUESS WHAT I FINALLY STARTED PLAYING#I had seen this boy so many times in my interests orbit and finally decided to sit down and look into it and#i love him SO much you dont even understand#like if i had to create the ideal boy that appealed to every kink and preference i have this would be it#manchild?? unstable? violent tendencies? occasionally says vaguely sexist things? stop i can only get so turned on#i would comfort him when he cries all the time but like i could never tell him no so like#he would get pavlov'ed so that every time hes sad he immediate chomps me like a bebe to its moms tiddy#emotional support bloodbank#im now doing everyone elses routes first tho and then going back to finish his saving the best for last#tbh this game does pull some of my biggest pet peeves in otomes and the mc/protag is INSUFFERABLE#but worth it for Him™#and cries when you beat him at chess??? angel#cant wait to see how the bear gets incorporated when you fuck
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Last man standing (Patreon)
#Doodles#SCII#Damned#ZEX#It's lonely at the top :(#Poor dearest is worse for wear ah </3#This scene made me cry ;;#Like it was sad when he wrote down his missing canonmates but going back in and writing everyone else's names ;;;;#Even his shaky alliances! Even the people he hasn't seen for a while!! Wehhh <3 <3 <3#You soft heart ;; I see you Admiral ♥#Also had a lot of fun writing in VUK ZIX again hehe ♪#The translations from VUK ZIX to English aren't exact - for starters they're upside down haha#So if you started from the top down it would actually read KINLEZ NATPAK but I figured that wouldn't be as readable#You read from the bottom up! I also still headcanon it being written/read from left to right#So he started with Zelnick then Fwiffo then Tanaka and so on#Although I did change it up for the second one - Teisel then Xelloss then Xigbar then Asch and Van#The more I think of it the more I'm surprised there's no H :0#Even just as a demarcation of a pause before during or after a syllable#The ''sh'' sound makes complete sense tho hehe <3#Any incorrect shaping of letters/poor handwriting on my part can totally be chalked up to ZEX not being used to human hands!#Totallyyy lol#I really like the way specific syllables are shaped - like how Teisel and Zelnick almost share the same shaped between ''SEL'' and ''ZEL''#How Z is a more connected extension of S just agh it's so pretty <3 <3 Eco_Mono really did such a lovely job with it ♪#And then certain ''incorrectly'' spelled syllables still turned out so pretty! Like the ''ANA'' in Talana - look how swoopy and continuous!#The ''BAR'' in Xigbar looks really cool - honestly reminds me of the fanweapons I made ages ago for I? think? Xigbar's apprentice??#It's been too long I don't remember now lol but it's cool to me in particular because of that!! :D#Fwiffo looks so funny haha - Tanaka has a cool star-like kind of letter in his name?? Man it's just so neat <3#As for ZEX - I mean he made it this far :( Not one to give up easily that's for certain ♥ Tenacious#I want him to be happy :'0
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they graduated from the same pookie school
#the sweetest little guy but also a sneaky boy. has a kill count but is only tiny. will roll his eyes and say the most out of pocket things#doesn't feel like he belongs. has to lie to those he cares about while doing anything to make them feel special#brave and loyal. a menace. gets so many bitches#he has powers. he loves his mom a lot. he allows others take credit for what is so essentially him#he thinks crime is fun. he has been referred to as wise. he remains kind despite the fact that fate constantly spits in his face#he could probably burn down the world but instead he builds fires to keep his friends warm. if you are being stupid he will ignore you#self sabotage like you've never seen. never had a single crying scene that didn't feel like someone crushed your heart under their heel#nice but mean. he will tell you when you're being a prat and a total self pitying idiot#looks at his boy best friend who is just some guy and turns him into the protagonist of the story#he hasn't known rest in years. plagued by voices and visions#he has had a very sad scene (or multiple) that includes a lake. he is everything to me. his heart has been broken so many times#he is funny and he is sensitive and he is caring and he has died but then he got better#and also. he is gay#🌟🌷#ph
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Feel like one of the best ways you can convince someone that no, villains with compelling motives that have sad backstories are not terrible writing compared to straight up born evil villains who just want to kill everyone and be done with it, is to tell them that Warrior Cats writes born evil villains constantly while literally preaching “That’s how evil works, you can’t CHANGE, you’re either touched by demons at birth or you aren’t!” and it blows chunks
#brokenstar tigerstar hawkfrost darktail one eye etc etc would all be so much more interesting if they werent so one note#and just had ‘’born evil’’ slapped on as their explanation for being evil#‘’ew why are you woobifying tigerstar’’ because i think a villain who feels emotion besides ‘’evil’’ and ‘’angry’’ and actually does care#about his clanmates but is also a bigot that deserves to be beaten down is more interesting than canon#to get like real world political here… abusive people and bigots like. are not one note born evil demons#they have loved ones and reasons for turning out the way they did. and im not saying that to go ‘’so you need to give them grace!’’#im saying that because the line of thinking that every bad person is a super obvious mustache twirling villain with no soul#makes it so that people justify abuse and crimes from REAL people. like ‘’oh my friend says some racist things but he isnt BAD! he loves me!#would an abusive person be nice to his wife in public? of course not!’’#and its rhetoric like that that lets abuse and bigotry thrive. if you put the world in categories of born evil and born good#then you will dismiss all the ‘’good’’ people in your life who have done horrible things with ‘’but she donated to charity once’’#i mean. hell this LITERALLY happens in wc where the ‘’born good’’ characters are abusive and murderously xenophobic#where characters like clear sky and blackstar just get a sticker like ‘’oh you cant be TOO mad at them! theyre good at heart!’’#‘’ignore all the times they killed vulnerable people for the crime of being born somewhere they didnt like! they were nice to a kid once!’’#the message there is literally ‘’bad people cant REALLY be bad if theyre nice to people sometimes’’#like. im not even mad at clear sky being motivated by witnessing his loved ones starve to death for why hes such an abusive control freak#thats an interesting reason to become a villain especially since the change happened when he was put in a position of power#the problem is not him having a sad backstory. the problem is the erins think his sad backstory means he was never that bad#and anyone who’s upset at him can go eat shit and die cause he looked sad#like. i get this line of thinking often comes from writers doing this for abuse apologism and just wanting to see abusers be held accountabl#accountable#but how exactly does it help victims of abuse to portray abusers and bigots in a christian ‘’touched by the devil’’ light
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do you ever think of i used to float / now i just fall down / i used to know / but i'm not sure now / what was i made for ? because i do
#i used to float and the vivid image of smiling happy excited robin ready for his adventure with batman#now i just fall down & the image of red hood with his helmet cracked and his nose bleeding and his faintly glowing eyes filled with pain#do you guys think of things cinematically because same#looked so alive / turns out i'm not real#when did it end / all the enjoyment / i'm sad again#i just !!!!!!!! love him i just do#he's my little guy. i'll always be sad that we never got to see him in young just.ice aside from his memorial#they could have done him Right
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Today on Baldur's Gate 3: Dark Urge edition, it's time for fashion! I keep encumbering myself at clothing shops, and I think Withers is my dad now.
(Spoilers through late Act 3. Orin and I have gone at it.)
I'm not kidding, I believe I own at least one of every available article of clothing in the game now (plus at least three of every dye), and everyone in my party looks fantastic. We went through some initial city looks for my GF and my problematic BFF:
And things escalated from there:
This was the Squad Look for a while. Imagine this rolling up on your home or place of business (or casting fireball in a fireworks factory, they also did that). Some people don't have to imagine! Lisa Frank drew a pretty decent crowd for her rendition of "The Power (Elder Brain Remix)."
Then I found a Party City Wonder Woman outfit for Shadowheart:
And a lovely robe for Minsc:
And then! I realized I could loot circus outfits! 🎶 All eyes on me, in the center of the ring 🎶
Total gamechanger, maybe should not have worn for my epic showdown with my jealous sister and my dramatic death/rebirth after my bio dad yoinked all my blood before Withers adopted me with some fresh new blood:
I did get the unexpected delight of seeing what Lisa Frank looked like in her armor at the time.
That armor look didn't last, though, because we all know what time it is, don't we? That's right: time for the jutilated jarapace!
Lisa Frank is free of her dark urge and everyone is proud of her and she's making a fresh start and that's great and all, but more importantly, she's in her sexy cowboy era. The circus chic still shows up for camp scenes, like, uh, Shadowheart having an emotional meltdown, oops.
Tragically, we have two candidates for worst aesthetic, one which the game inflicted on me, and one which the game let me do, so it's equally culpable:
I need to go hand Gortash his ass now, but the question on everyone's mind is surely what are we going to wear to the final battle?
In love life news, I got a very sweet date with Karlach that ended with soul-saving finger-banging.
And I regret to inform that this opportunity once again presented itself, and look, I'm never going to say no to the tentacles
#baldur's gate 3#bg3#bg3 spoilers#stealthnoodle plays bg3#sometimes you gotta kill your messy sister because you'd look so much better in her clothes#hashtag just sibling things#gale gets to wear armor because i specced him as an ice mage and the wavemother's robe belongs on him#so he has escaped the indignity of the he-man orc undies#for now#astarion was born to wear those gnome undies so they're never coming off#i wish i could dress up boo in tiny silly clothes#wee little hamster hats#don't ask how many dyes i tried on lisa frank's circus outfit before settling on one#lisa frank may have banged the emperor but she turned down mizora because she has standards#well one standard#and that standard is “would this make karlach sad?”
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I may just be delirious but I kind of feel like there's something there about some of the most traumatic events in Arakawa's life arguably stemming from/being made worse by being loved too much.
Like, Toshio's death, right. The death of a parent is always always going to be traumatic, particularly when your other parent is abusive, but I feel like being there, being the first to the scene, made it so much worse. Especially when it should've been a good memory.
Non-zero chance I'm just projecting because I was there for my own father's death and I was around Arakawa's age at the time, but it's like... it did have very specific life-long effects, didn't it... the way he keeps coming back to Peking duck and talks about it like he's had it before when he can't even bring himself to eat it unless he's with family (and indeed, never did, up until right before he died)...
And then there's his former patriarch. Of course, he seemed to see Arakawa as more of an object--fully under his control and something to be thrown away at the first sign of autonomy. But I feel like, before then, Arakawa must've been his "favorite," if he was willing to arrange a marriage between his daughter and Arakawa. Which I expect is what made his reaction when Arakawa told him he was (technically) having an affair with Akane and wanted out of the family that extreme in going as far as to send men after Akane and Ichiban.
The last one I can immediately think of is not exactly traumatic for him, though it is traumatic For Me so I'm counting it, but it's of course what we were talking about with Jo hesitating so much at the thought of killing Arakawa that he passed up the chance to save him.
I Dunno I Am Delirious but... there's a pattern somewhere in there... Anyway. Uh. "Happy" Father's Day am I right
happy fathers day :]]]]
#snap chats#I HAVE NOTES DOWN HERE AS ALWAYS I PROMISE JUST. no better way to cap off a post with a smile :)#plus yk. i dont have any major notes to add thats not restating but i do enjoy Restating so in the tags we go#also ngl im a lil tired so if im gonna look right silly cause my brains functioning like a bowl of cereal ill do it down here as per usual#totally waited to answer this when its technically fathers day my time and i didnt just stare at a wall#listen if someone has a proejcting problem its me alright. its ok if someone else has a turn at it esp when its within fair grounds 🥴#in any case Yeah.. everyone loves patterns ones a coincidence two's a pattern three should incite murderous intent#i definitely wouldnt call it delirious thinking Thats My Job right LMAO#in all seriousness the importance of at least one positive adult figure in a trouble child's life cannot be understated#im pretty sure i talked bout that already so i wont give the whole lecture again LMAO#in any case its not unreasonable to want to assert love being a theme with arakawa- if not a detriment in some way#it was arakawas intense love for akane that inadvertently fractures their family to be#it was arakawas love for masato that didnt allow him to be harder on him when he should have been and caused both their eventual downfalls#and of course- as mentioned- while not a result of arakawa's own feelings#it was ultimately jo's. //vague hand gesturing// towards arakawa that stopped him from killing him outright#yet jo's love for masato that didnt allow him to lie and go directly behind his back#so yeah love just. works against arakawa unfortunately. an especially sad thing for a troubled child#because as a troubled child that's all you ever really want isnt it- to love and to be loved without worry#so its a cruel irony in that despite arakawa's childhood and general growing-up it didnt stop him from trying to love his family#it makes me wanna throw up (depressed)#in any case i have to stay up a little longer so i can steal water for later SO im gonna be up to uhhhh idk :) Stare At My Wall
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i also caught up on rwby today and robbie daymond cheshire cat is the highlight for me simply bc i like his voice.
#the rest of it is kind of boring tbh#it’s literally just beat for beat alice in wonderland#which they’ve always done literary allusions but this is literally just the same story#so i’m kind of bored!#ruby failing to stand up to her past self was good#but pulling that scene in episode four is like :/#is the rest of the season gonna pop off at that level? or did you play your best card out of the gate?#is she going to continue breaking down in ways beyond ‘i’m sad’#like is she going to start making bad decisions? is she going to start acting on those feelings?#the song during the chess board fight was fun#and ruby feeling drawn to the doll that turned out to be pennys sword was also good#but it felt so glossed over#the fact that yang couldn’t tell which was her arm but ruby knew immediately the doll was special#inch resting and curious about the shrimplications#and also lowkey most excited for finding out what’s jaunes been up to since they don’t know he’s here and haven’t looked for him#i hope he’s been Enduring Torments and i hope he’s Broken :)#OH ALSO robbie daymond cheshire cat making meta comments about the size of the cast and irrelevant side characters#i usually hate that stuff but i actually liked it this time
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Shane has such good dom vibes but there is a special little itch in my brain for him being dominated. not by Ryan though god no. Someone like idk Keith or Sara. Anyone but Ryan lmao
#Keith and Shane is such a good ship I’m so sad I’m the only one on planet earth that ships them#like he literally called him “beautiful Shane#are you KIDDING me#and he would call him that and Shane would turn so pink#just a couple of bottoms Shane and Ryan are#of course dom Shane is absolute a tier but every once in a while#I hear that little voice in the back of my head saying ‘he needs taken down a peg’#‘wouldn’t he look sweet on his knees?’#yes. yes he would conscious#Ty for reminding me#and Ryan my sweet sweet Ryan could never dom anyone#let’s face it the man likes being taken care of#I don’t blame him when ya look that cute how can anyone resist#IM SORRY IM JUST THINKING TONIGHT#shyan#kinda
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It's nearly one am when Simon stumbles out of the bar. The team was in Berlin for an operation but they had wrapped that up yesterday. Their flight home wasn't scheduled till the next day so they had decided to enjoy the sights and activities. And you can't visit the beer capital of the world without getting a pint, Soap had pointed out. So they stopped by the pub. One pint turned into two, two turned into three. Now he was, staggering down the streets of Berlin with only one goal in mind.
He needed to get home to the missus.
Simon didn't get very far away from the bar before Soap noticed his absence. Soap gently steers him back to the bar. Simon loosely swats at him.
"She'll be u'set if 'm naw home," Simon slurs at him. Soap chuckles and nods.
"I know. But you canny just waltz out on us," he says, pushing Simon into a seat. Simon huffs and begins to stand again, wobbling just a bit.
"Sit yer ass down. We'll call the missus, right?", Soap offers. After fumbling his phone for a minute and trying to get the password typed in, Soap helps Simon call you.
"Hi, honey. How is it going?", your voice rings through the phone. Simon gives you a drunken grin.
" 'llo love," he slurs. You giggle at his love drunk expression.
"Hi baby. Had a bit to drink?," you chuckle.
"He near tried to walk himself home," Soap shouts to you. You laugh harder. Simon wrinkles his nose at Soap, still displeased with being kept there.
" 'm sorry, love. I won't be home in time for dinner," he rumbles. He looks so sad. Big brown eyes staring down at the phone, lip poked out in a small pout. You wipe a tear of laughter from your eye.
"Oh honey, I think it's past dinner time."
#sharkyshitposts#simon ghost riley x reader#ghost x reader#simon ghost riley#simon riley x you#simon riley x reader#cod fluff#simon riley fluff
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Crazy to be 20 years old and my mom casually mentioning that she was so glad i decided of my own volition that I didn't want to see my bio father anymore bc she knew that he and his mom were smoking meth when I came to visit but didn't want to tell me unless I brought it up cuz she didn't want me to have a bad impression of them 😭 that woman is a saint if I found out my baby daddy was tweaking in front of my toddler I would've poisoned his supply and sent them both to the graves from "overdose"
#my mom hated her babydaddy so much but she was so worried about me growing up to think that she purposefully turned me against him#i remember her sitting me down like ''i want to move somewhere far away for grad school but that means u might not see ur father as much#anymore. so if you think that would be sad for you we'll stay put''#and i was 6 years old like ''i dont care about him at all''#2 years later i forgot his fucking name and my mom had to remind me XD he was such a non presence in my life#cant tweak around ur daughter if u never spend time with her!!!#even when i was over there my grandma and some of his uncles were the ones who took care of me#and i didnt like any of them they were mean to me they didnt understand me or my personality at all even when i was a baby#and had a baby personality (toddler with what was probably ARFID)#i started denying food based on smell and look before i was even out of the high chair#i spent years and years beating my mom and aunts and maternal grandparents into submission#the dinner table was a warzone and i did not quit the fight until i won. and then i would go to meth daddy's house#and i had to start All Over Again cuz they were never around my moms family. in hindsight im sure thats bc of the tweaking#but yeah me not wanting to eat ''gross'' shit (like bread. not even pizza dough) was the main source of strife between me and every adult#it continued well into my adolescence (altho realizing i was wrong about bread opened me up a lot to trying new things)#but i dont think arfid was recognized as a thing when i was a kid and my family was convinced i was just stubborn and that they could#break me so i was never checked out for any eating disorders
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self-restraint is one thing kento prides on. he is a good man, or at least he tries to be. his eyes landed on your flailing figure, pinching his nose bridge to prepare himself. you, gojo, kento and shoko went out for drinks to celebrate the fact you 4 were still alive.
your mind was blank, you had no self-control, it was like the shame centre in your brain got turned off.
"oh my god!" you squealed in excitement. "my favourite song!" you stumbled off your bar stool, going to stand up on the table, gojo supporting your brave act.
kento acted quick. right when your foot landed on the table, you were pulled back by an immeasurable amount of strength, your back landing on someone's muscular chest.
"how drunk are you?" a gruff voice spoke right beside your ear, sending shivers through your whole body. your senses were already heightened, but at this moment, you could feel everything. you could hear the fastening rhythm of your heart, along with the steady rhythm of another's.
"earth to y/n~," satoru's singsong voice echoed through your empty head.
"yea, sorry," you shook your head, turning around to see kento's disapproving look. his hand keeping a deathly grip on your wrist, ensuring you were always close to him, in case you'd do something embarrassing, or at least that's what he tells himself.
"y/n, i'll bring you ho-"
"don'tt, you're such a party pooper nanamin! we were just getting started," the blue eyed man whined, he looked like he was about to start a tantrum.
"yeah, let's just wrap it up, i wanna go home," shoko agreed with kento, getting ready to leave. "i'll leave y/n to you, gojo, come." satoru following shoko like a sad puppy.
"let's go home," kento used his free hand to pack up your stuff, double checking if you took anything out of your purse.
"you're so hot when you take care of me," you freely complimented kento, his ears slowly turning beet red.
"i like you kento, you know that right?" you kept talking, kento's face slowly turning a darker shade of red. "why are you so red? are you having a fever?" you used your free hand to feel his forehead, even in your drunken state, you still worried about his health.
"no...y/n. i'm fine," he put your bag on your shoulder as he led you out of the establishment.
"ow....my feet hurt ken," you pouted looking down at your heels.
restrain yourself kento. restrain. was the only thing he could think off as he looked back at you. he didn't want to take advantage of your drunken self. he knelt down as he took of your heels, you bracing yourself on his back. he slowly took your hand of his back, putting down your heels on the ground to take off his blazer.
"up," his back facing you as he knelt down. you weren't going to waste a chance getting piggy backed. instantly, your arms slid around his neck as your legs trapped his torso. kento stood up, picking up your heels and adjusting his hold on you.
"comfy?" you nodded against his neck. "take this, and wrap it around your waist," he handed you his blazer. you instantly listened, wrapping the blazer around your waist, making sure you don't flash anyone along your way home.
"ken, you're so good to me," you mumbled, nibbling on his neck, eliciting a groan out of the man.
"you're such a tease," kento chuckled, smiling to himself at his current predicament.
"we're not even dating....hft," you sighed. kento let out a hearty laugh at your dissatisfaction.
"why do you want us to date?" kento asked making you even more disappointed.
"what woman doesn't want stability!" this time you were annoyed. you straightening your back, not leaning on kento's anymore. kento was still joyful, instead of responding to your annoyance, he loosened his grip on your legs, your instincts kicked in, quickly wrapping your hands around his neck once more to ensure your safety.
"were you about to drop me??" panic was evident in your tone, but kento was still amused. "answer me!" your hand hitting on his chest.
"y/n," kento sternly called out your name, abruptly stopping your abuse on his chest. "we're married love, isn't that the epitome of stability? why would i regress our relationship to just boyfriend and girlfriend?"
"huh?..." you were confused for a second, quickly looking at your hand. and there it was, glistening in the moonlight, your wedding ring. "oh.."
kento couldn't help but tease your drunken self, his self-restraint always wavering when it came to you. the prim and proper man turning playful in your presence, he just couldn't help it. he continued his walk home, occasionally giggling at your forgetful nature.
"i hope you don't forget this moment," kento muttered under his breath, knowing full well you would have no memory of this event, only a pounding headache to remind you of yesterday's events.
#fumiliardrabbles#jjk x reader#jjk fluff#kento nanami#nanami x reader#jjk nanami#kento x reader#nanami fluff#nanami x y/n#jjk headcanons#jujutsu nanami#kento x y/n#kento x you#jujutsu kento#kento fluff#jjk kento#nanami kento#nanami headcanons#jujutsu kaisen nanami#nanami x you#fluff#nanami is a green flag#live laugh love nanami#min...drabbles
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#tag talk#vent#I'm rewatching Hannibal and playing with the scars across my body. old. fresh. still bleeding. I'm sad. lonely. isolated.#that hunger. to find someone like you. to let someone know you. to find someone who understands you.#can you blame Hannibal? for wanting that from Will. the one person capable of it.#can you blame him for wanting to be understood. to be seen. to be known.#we go through life so lonely. some of us more than others.#we find solace in our similarities and division in our differences.#do you know what it's like to be so devastatingly different? so destructively separate?#do you know what it's like to trigger the fear of others. to be seen as creature rather than human.#yeah sure I'm neurodivergent. I diverge. that's a cute way of saying it.#you hike a well-worn path and look up to see my silhouette on the mountainside because I cannot drive myself to walk to common path.#I apologize to those I've accidentally kicked rocks down onto.#will you still be there when I come down from the mountain?#I hope y'all know I'm never a Hannibal apologist. he's a huge piece of shit and fundamentally doesn't respect others' self determination#Bella tries to die and he brings her back. he fucks with the human body eye art and changes the dude's vision#he tries his best to turn will into a reflection of himself#he lacks all respect for the autonomy of others. so like.. just in case you don't get it. Hannibal isn't a good guy.#watching Hannibal but shaking my head so people know I don't approve of murder#I wonder if I could convince my lover to cut me open some day#finally do that marking on my back I've wanted
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(Arranged marriage to duke john price except it means you married four instead of one 👁️👁️)
Your marriage to Duke Price is one out of necessity: you need a husband before high society begins rumoring you to be a barren woman and too old to be married off, and Duke Price needs a wife who is able to take on Duchess duties of his duchies.
You do not expect love, though you suppose it’d be a nice bonus. You are merely glad that Duke Price is a reasonable handsome man, and he informs you on your wedding night that he will not force himself on you, and there is no need to immediately begin attemtping for an heir.
You take admirably to your new duties, have been raised practically for this purpose though the head butler Kyle is wonderful in helping you as well- actually all the servants have been wonderful towards you. You have regular dinners with John, though they are a bit stilted but at least Chef Johnny’s food is good enough you can easily forget the tense atmosphere. You can tell your husband is hiding something- you are sometimes barred from going to his office to him, certain rooms are not allowed for you, and you are not allowed anywhere near the letters addressed to him- but as long as it isn’t hurting you, why should you bother him? So you never ask, and he seems happy enough that you don’t.
Until you accidentally stumble upon him and Duke Riley exchanging tongues. Very heatedly, hands grasping and tugging on each other’s clothes and Duke Riley sat on your husband’s desk.
It’s hot.
What’s not so hot is the way they both look at you when they realize you are there. You stutter, face a red so fierce it’d put a furnace to shame, and bolt out of the room despite hearing John call your name.
And you also skip out on the dinners for now, pretending you are sick with the help of your maids and their makeup skills.
But suddenly, it’s like your eyes have been opened. It’s not just Duke Riley who seems to hold a part of your husband’s heart; the one time you gather enough courage to maybe go speak with John and address the situation, you see Kyle stumbling out all disheveled and flushed, though he has a very satisfied air around him. He freezes when he sees you, and your jaw drops.
“My lady-“
“I- I’ll just- I’m taking a walk! Alone!”
You go to the kitchens instead, hoping that Johnny would have something delicious you can eat. Maybe something cold enough to wash away the blush on your cheeks.
Johnny is weirdly silent, however, even as he whips up chocolate mousse for you. His silence is not normal, it feels… almost guilty…
You sighs, take in a deep breath, and gather your dress. “Johnny… are you too…-?”
“Aye, m’lady. But-“
You can’t take it anymore. You leave the kitchens, and go straight back to your bedroom to bury your face in your bed. It’s not as if you are upset! It’s just- a rather befuddling situation?
Two nights later, it’s John himself who comes to you. You had assumed it was one of your maids returning with a new jar of oil for your nightly hair routine, but it’s your husband. You are glad it’s winter, and you aren’t simply in a thin nightgown.
“Wife.” He says, voice steady yet strained.
“John.”
You can’t call him husband. You’ve spent the last two days thinking and you were… rather sad. You were in the way of whatever they had (you saw Kyle and Johnny kissing, Johnny specifically sending food addressed to Duke Riley), weren’t you?
John sighs, sitting down on the settee while you remain on your vanity. After a moment of awkward silence, he opens his eyes and looks at you. “…what do you want to remain silent about this?”
You blink, raising an eyebrow. “…huh?”
John’s fists clench. “How much do you want in return for your silence?”
Frowning, you set your brush down and fully turn to him even if you feel exposed despite your thicker nightgown. “Is this about your… partners?” You say the word delicately, then shake your head. “I want nothing, John. If you are worried about me starting anything, I won’t. I just… hope this doesn’t mean you will divorce me?”
Being a divorced woman might as well be a death sentence on its own.
He looks at you, shocked into silence, and you quickly explain; his relationships have nothing to do with you and you aren’t a petty woman, who are you to come between what he and they have? You only hope this won’t take away the protection this marriage gave you.
That night, thus, you and John reach an agreement you are sure both of you are satisfied with.
Except, months later, John is no longer satisfied.
With the ice broken between the two of you. The dinners have become so much more… relaxing and comfortable, far less than they had been. No secrecy was needed when you were around anymore, and you only giggle and look away, feigning innocence when they share tender kisses between one another… and the less polite kisses.
John can’t remain satisfied with this arrangement. You are such a sweet thing, now that he’s become to know you far better. He can see the way his men are looking at you now, something between fondness and hunger and want; Kyle helps you far more often now, despite your insistence that you can do it yourself. Even when you do it yourself, he stays by you and ensures you are comfortable.
And he joins your evening walks, arms looped as the two of you speak, laughing and giggling.
It’s similar to your late night chats with Johnny, where he plies your full of sweets and desserts until even your dreams are full of sweeter kisses you are sure will never be for you. Johnny, who cooks your favorites on hard days and who you heard from Kyle is even more serious about only having the best of the best in vegetables and meats and seasonings.
And Duke Riley… for all his stoicism, he is gentle with you. Even when he’d stared at you with doubt and mistrust, no doubt believing you to be lying to John and simply waiting for the shoe to drop and for you to ruin them. Yet it never happens, and now, during the galas you attend all dolled up on John’s arm and ignoring all murmurs about still having no children, you even dance with him and giggle at his terribly dry jokes, even share a few of your own with him.
Steadily, slowly, obliviously, John has watched each of his men fall for you. This, obviously, made you theirs. It made you his, more and more than you already were.
It’s why your current request is making him clench his glass in his hand, with Kyle looking on in displeasure as well, giving him subtle glances.
“-So that’s why I was asking, John,” you remain sweetly oblivious, adorned in a pretty dress Simon had gotten for you recently. “He will not spread any rumors, I’ll personally make sure of that-”
Your cheeks darken then, and you glance away. “I- I am… merely a bit- unsatisfied, if you understand my point. And the stable man is loyal to you, he wouldn’t say anything.”
It’s clear he needs to keep a better watch over you. Where and when did you even interact with his stable boy, Graves? Though he focused on your words.
Unsatisfied.
Well, he can’t have that, can he? You’ve done your wifely duties so admirably, it’s about time he took care of you as well… and maybe dealt with the baseless barren rumors as well. A baby would keep you nice and content and focused on them alone, wouldn’t it?
Oh yes. Yes, it would.
dukedom au masterlist
Part two
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