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sexiestpodcastcharacter · 1 year ago

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Sexiest Podcast Character — Unscripted Bracket — Round 5

Propaganda

Glenn Close (Dungeons & Daddies):

#Propaganda for Glenn Close: one of the other PCs mentions multiple times how hot he is #Actually several characters point it out but especially Henry #Also the only person in a podcast that has to put a disclaimer about not being a BDSM podcast to have had sex during the course of the show

Young hot rocker dilf

Loyal to his dead wife <3

Does in fact smoke weed

BARD!! HES A BARD. HE WAS LEAD GUITAR IN HIS BAND (that he was kicked out of)

His band was a Christmas cover band btw.

Literally the fandom had hot Glenn summer which consisted of drawing him being incredibly hot and sexy

Anti government (ofc)

Kind of cringefail (Disney adult) (was on dilfs of disneyland)

Young and sexy not your style? Then how about HIM AFTER YEARS LOCKED IN A TIME PRISON WITH A DAMN HANNIBAL MASK ??

Lost an eye and wears a fucking eyepatch

One incredibly buff arm

Has a pet rat named after his son <3

Immeasurable amounts of trauma in this man- becomes progressively more unhinged

OH OLD HUMAN BARD ISNT CUTTING IT? FINE

HE BECOMES A FUCKING DEMON

A COOL HOT ONE-EYED DEMON WHO WANTS TO KILL HIS DAD (also sexy)

HE CANONICALLY ENDS CHRISTIAN HELL VIA CHRISTMAS

IS ALSO WAY OVERLEVELED

Becomes a demon hunter for the rest of his existence

Also nonwhite !!! We are done with cringefail whiteboys !!!!!!!!!

I can’t put into words ok just know he is the best plz love him.

Okay but Glenn made a minivan cum by talking to her so

HE HAS A BOOK THAT HE MARKS X’S AND CHECKS FOR EVERY DAY TO SEE IF THAT DAY WAS A SUCCESS OR NOT. TO SEE IF HE DID GOOD THAT DAY. ITS ALMOST ENTIRELY X’S. HE WAS CUCKED OUT OF A SON. AND A DEAD WIFE. HE DIDN’T EVEN GET TO KILL HIS DAD IN REVENGE. There’s absolutely nothing going for him except his sex appeal in his life. Nobody he loved remembers him. He lost his eye. All he has is a pet rat and friends who admit they don’t really like him that much. He was kicked out of his own band. The band was named after him. He was kicked out of the Glenn Close trio. All he could do was deez nuts the big bad and be sexy. If nothing else, then pity him. Look in his eyes. Look at his heart and soul. He did not do the BDSM episode for this I’ll tell you what. Do this for my his sake. Do it for Nick Jr, who needs the prize money to pay for his rat snacks. Do it for his son. For Morgan. Ganbatte.

Glenn is the goofiest sexiest character there is and I will die on this hill! I will ride into battle for him! what Dndads created is truly unique and Glenn is a key part of that and for that he deserves to win. I said it before and I'll say it again - GLENN SWEEEEEP

Can we talk about how he says ‘baby’ casually? Like he just calls people that?? That’s HOT. THAT IS HOT!! He’s also bilingual and knows Japanese!!!! He’s a big dumb idiot with a lot of charisma!!!!!! HE WORKED AT A BDSM PLACE FOR TWO SEPARATE ONE SHOTS. HES SO SAD BUT PLAYS IT OFF LIKE HE’S CHILL ALL THE TIME!! HE DOESN’T THINK OF HIMSELF AS SINGLE BECAUSE HE DIDN’T DIVORCE HIS DEAD WIFE!!! He’s like.. the perfect guy. We need this win.

I’d also like to add the fact I made this. Which is the first 11 episodes edited to (almost) only have Glenn in them <3 which is a level of insanity I hope to reiterate. These took hours to make. I wouldn’t do that for anyone else.

Mod Note: While I will still take "bad dads are sexy" propaganda and "bad dads aren't sexy" anti-propaganda, I kindly request no more discussion on whether or not he was a bad father. This is a sexypoll, not a parentingpoll. If you see a post you strongly disagree with, you can just not reblog it.

Mod Note 2: This tournament is about fictional podcast characters. Please do not vote for the real actress Glenn Close.

Amber Gris (The Adventure Zone: Ethersea):

Middle aged woman who punches sharks to death. My hero

If you love me you'll vote for amber gris I swear to everything holy on earth amen

Amber is butch, instant win

Amber Gris has a negative charisma modifier and she pissed her pants on purpose in order to trick a guard and knock him out. She tied up a dude. She once killed an evil magic shark (they're out for murder. not like real sharks) by punching it and then picked it up and smashed it into another shark, also killing it. She talks in a southern accent. She calls people guppy because it indicates a lack of respect. She has a big pair of magical green arms that come from her stomach. She got a fancy jacket and immediately ripped its sleeves off. She has a gay thing going on with one of the political leaders in the city. She gets in fights with people and doesnt do vulnerability and tries to lay low and not get in any social trouble she doesn't have to. She jumped through a portal into a new world because she could. She's now the god of said world, alone with only afformentioned political leader, who was previously possessed and she had to fight. She spends her time in a bar called the Cloaca. She calls people she doesn't like claspers, because it means shark penis. She and her friend, an old man named Uncle Joshy, sneak attack each other and yell VIBE CHECK! She tries to talk fancy to impress people and she's really bad at it (verily).

She’s everything and more. She’s irreverent. She punches sharks for a living. She becomes God. What more do you need in a butch.

amber gris propaganda: she is straightup the physical embodiment of "women want me, fish fear me." also she's an appalachian post apocalyptic sea captain. that's just objectively cool.

AMBER GRIS IS PUNCHES SHARKS AND IS (one of) THE MOST BADASS BLACK WOMEN PCS IN DND SHOWS IVE EVER SEEN. SHES INCREDIBLE AND A WIN FOR DYKES EVERYWHERE

amber's creator said she was based off of the type of working-class woman you commonly see in appalachia where "this is the sort of woman that you see walking past CVS, and you know that a truck could hit her and it would just split around her as she continued to go pick up whatever she had to do that day." and that's pretty hot

guys Amber becomes lesbian god of the new world with her childhood “”friend””

#amber gris is LITERALLY a middle-aged butch #she would win this entire tournament in a just world

Last time Amber got horny was when she killed that shark

"it was a savage bummer though, don't-- trust me, there's nothing that great about a history. You know? I got one. What did I do, killed a bunch of sharks? Last time I got horny, god and christ I can't even tell you-- well, it was when I killed that shark. But! Hey. We're all just kinda figuring it out."

Moonshine Cybin (Not Another D&D Podcast: Bahumia):

She's a hot elf with mushrooms growing on her. She has 1 level of barbarian. She's bisexual. She shapeshifted into a dragon and ate a god.

how tf does the post not mention Moonshine’s giant boobs her greatest asset

Moonshine has canonically gone down on a woman for a solid hour without asking for anything in return. Moonshine edged a dryad just by kissing them. Moonshine faced down someone being controlled to kill everyone in his path and told him if he still wanted to hurt her, she would take his blows as a friend. Moonshine makes jambalaya for her family and friends. Moonshine mispronounced someone’s name for a month and that woman still wanted to hook up with Moonshine. These are just a few of the reasons why Moonshine is sexy.

shes illiterate

canonically huffs dirty water from a bong

has big tatas

wears a belly chain with a demon trapped in it

almost became the queen of hell

ate a god

turned into a pregnant moose & gave birth

The woman she went down on for an hour asking nothing in return is still hung up on her, 200 years later. Moonshine is unmatched

To be clear the woman whose name Moonshine mispronounced for a month and then hooked up with is the same woman she went down on for an hour, and the same woman who is still flustered over her 200 years later. The rizz is unparalleled. She’s also incredibly kind and accepting of others, and goes out of her way to bolster her friends. The party always requests one big bed.

moonshine cybin is a druid who learned counterspell through sheer force of will. moonshine cybin turned one of the four horsemen of the apocalypse into a dolphin, flew him 60 feet up into the air, dropped him on the ground, and then spit spores into his face to kill him. moonshine cybin turned into a dragon and bit the head off of a double god. moonshine cybin was willing to confine herself to an eternal hell to save the world. moonshine cybin is a dragon rider. you know what you must do.

Amber and Moonshine Together

Look at them. They should not have to fight when they could be gay instead. Imagine the power they would have combined... Every lesbian in a hundred mile radius of the post would swoon. It may be an odd alliance, but from an Ethersea fan to Bahumia fans, i believe this will strengthen both our odds. I have always been insane about Amber Gris but through this poll I have also learned about Moonshine and come to love her too. Take my hand... We can do this together...

OKAY HEAR ME OUT MOONSHINE AND AMBER WOULD GET ALONG SO WELL

appalachian sapphic solidarity!

Art of Amber and Moonshine from @pirateknight.

#Round 5 #Glenn Close #Glenn Close DnDads #Moonshine Cybin #Amber Gris #Not Another D&D Podcast #Bahumia #The Adventure Zone #TAZ Ethersea #Dungeons & Daddies #Dungeons and Daddies

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megamindsecretlair · 10 months ago

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Mr. Black, Part 5

Pairing: Tre x Assistant!Black!Fem!/ Plus Size reader

Warnings: 18+, Minors DNI, You are in charge of your own reading experience. Intentional use of AAVE. FILTH. PWP, cursing, PIV, fingering (fem receiving), oral (male and fem receiving) , spanking, dirty talk, praise kink, dumbass reader, power imbalance, Tre is a boss, all consensual.

Summary: The morning after spending an incredible night with Tre, he wakes you up with a morning surprise. You learn more about each other. Back at the office, things seemed to have calmed down between you until there's a surprise visitor.

Word Count: 7,425k

A/N: Whew, we getting into the nitty gritty between these two. But I think reader has reached an important milestone. This was so hot to write! Please, please consider commenting and reblogging to help support writers! And please put ages in bios! Or get blockt!

Taglist: @planetblaque @browngirldominion @notapradagurl7 @honeyoriginalz @blackerthings @sevikasblackgf @henneseyhoe @miyahmaraj @my1onlysenpai @darqchilddaydreamz @badassdoll @playgurlxoxo @eggnox @abeautifulmindexposed @theyscreamsannii @melaninpov @mcdesij @kholdkilll @blowmymbackout @theunsweetenedtruth @monaeesstuff @cocoeffects @soft-persephone @duckiesfairy @slippinninque @westside-rot @prettypink-princesss @kawaiisadoglu @thadelightfulone @the-crystal-one @miyuhpapayuh @thecookiebratz @twocentuar @esachicaa @enchantedillumination @xo-goldengirl @tranquilfandomer

You woke up feeling like you were in the jaws of hell. Your thighs were slick with sweat. You slowly rose to consciousness and pushed your hand out, looking for the edge of your fluffy comforter, but you were met with a thinner one. You opened one eye to peek at it and last night came rushing back at you.

You turned your head and saw Tre still deep in sleep. His chest rumbled up and down with soft snores. One arm was draped over your middle and the other was beneath the pillow under your head. His leg was wrapped around yours. You were completely tucked into his chest.

You waited for the panic to settle in. You couldn’t remember the last time you woke up next to someone after getting thoroughly fucked to sleep. But strangely it didn’t come. You weren’t super comfortable, but you weren’t ready to run into the hill screaming bloody murder either.

You watched him as he slept. He still looked so severe. As if he could wake up at any moment and order you around.

You were burning the fuck up, so you grabbed his hand to move it. He shifted and wrapped his hand around your stomach, pulling you deeper into his chest. His leg hiked up higher on yours and you flopped onto the bed. He was like a damn boulder!

You tried to extricate his arm from around you but he only dug in. You huffed and nudged him with your elbow. You tried pushing him a little harder. You were uncomfortably sweaty. Under your boobs, your ass, your thighs. You needed some air, pronto. You shoved against him with all of your might but he was much larger than you.

You shifted your hips trying to dislodge his leg. His big hand flexed against your tummy while his head dropped against your ear. “You ready for mornin’ dick?” He asked.

“You can’t be serious!”

As if your vagina wasn’t worn out already. As if he hadn’t dragged you to heaven and back because he wasn’t done with you yet. As if he hadn’t been knocking the coins out of you for the past week!

But he only laughed. How was it fair that his voice was even sexier first thing in the morning? It was so low and deep and gravelly. Even as your mind was screaming for you to stand up, your pussy began to throb.

Already, you were addicted to his touches. You told him last night that you didn’t want the sex to stop. And you meant it. You didn’t quite mean it this literally.

He moved his hand down your stomach, flexing his fingers all over your skin. He began to nibble on your ear. Tugging the lobe in between his teeth and growling low in the back of his throat.

“We need a safe word,” he said. He licked the shell of your ear and you moaned.

His fingers played with the curls at your pussy and you whined, needing more stimulation than that. He knew it too. His deft fingers skimmed just outside of your pussy lips and you moved your hips, trying to get his fingers to where you needed him most. He tightened his thighs so that his leg kept you from moving too much.

“Give me a safe word,” he said. He started to inch his fingers back up towards your stomach.

“I don’t know!” You whined.

“First thing that come to your mind,” he whispered. His breath fanned across your ear and neck and you blew out a breath. You were burning up for entirely different reasons now. Needy. Desperate.

“Candy cane,” you said.

He chuckled. “Candy cane it is,” he said. He moved his hand lower, finally moving between your folds and growling in your ear at already finding you wet.

“What do we have here,” he said. His dick twitched against your side, growing thicker. Your body hummed with the memory of what he did last night. What he said.

Your body arched off of the bed as he dipped one finger inside of you. You clenched around his finger, not willing to let him go. “Needy little thing, ain’t you?” He asked.

You nodded. His thumb traced your clit and you moaned, closing your eyes and getting lost to the sensation of you getting wetter. His magical fingers working you up into a frenzy that had you shaking with lust.

You felt your approaching orgasm and you began to push at his hand. It was coming entirely too fast and you couldn’t breathe. Couldn’t deal. But he was still too big to move. He only leaned up so he could look at your face while the orgasm came anyway, washing over you and making you moan loud as hell.

He withdrew his fingers and brought them to his nose, taking a deep breath before sucking on his fingers. “My favorite kind of breakfast.”

His sleepy eyes narrowed even more as he finally got the hell off of you. Cool air met your skin where he previously occupied and you groaned. You’d definitely need another shower now. Preferably at your house so you didn’t show up to your family’s house smelling like sex and spice.

He moved to kneel on the bed in front of you. He grabbed your legs and spread them open wide. His hand made sure to grip the chain around your thigh, pressing the ‘T’ into your skin. He stared at your dripping pussy with a smug look on his face. You clenched around nothing the longer he stared and he seemed to grow more excited as he watched you squirm. He licked his lips as he stared at your pussy, tilting his head one way and then the next.

You watched the emotions play out over his face and you wish you knew what he was thinking. What he was feeling. You had a peek behind the curtain yesterday and you selfishly wanted more. You wanted to listen to his voice and words and wrap them around you like a hug. It was still scary, but you were young. You didn’t have to label every fucking thing.

He laid down flat on his stomach, scooting in between your legs. Your thighs went over his shoulders as he delved in, lapping up your juices with his wide tongue.

“Oh shit!” You yelled out. You gripped his head but he was determined. He pushed against you, flattening his tongue against your clit and flicking his tongue. You started to convulse, shaking beyond your control.

“Oh, ouee,” you moaned. You watched him while he ate you out. His eyes were closed, wholly devoted to seeking your pleasure. His beard glistened with your running arousal and it only made your thighs shake harder.

He slipped one hand in between you so that he could push his fingers back inside of you. Two pumped in and out of you lazily while he continued to attack your pussy, sucking in every last drop that you oozed out. He moved his other hand up along your belly and towards your breasts, tugging on one of your nipples.

“Oh fuck!” You moaned. He pinched your nipples and you finally let go, finally let that orgasm sink you under and never let you up for air. You gasped and writhed, lost in another plane of existence while you let the orgasm wash over you.

Tre continued to eat you out through you. His nasty, wet slurps hollowed out your chest. You wanted to sink into him. You wanted to intertwine your bodies so that you couldn’t tell where he began and you stopped. Stitched and pulled apart with a thin thread of pleasure to connect both of you.

You flopped against the bed no longer able to support your weight on your elbows. You huffed for air as Tre placed wet kisses to your pussy, inner thighs, belly. He crawled up your body until you were face to face.

You smelled yourself on his lips. He ran his tongue across his teeth and tilted his head at you. It looked like he was trying to figure you out. In the haze of post-orgasm, you remembered that he said that he wanted to break you. Was he looking for signs of you tapping out?

You hadn’t gotten what you really wanted yet so there was no way you were using your newly minted safe word. You smiled and closed the distance. You tasted your arousal on his tongue. He took his time running his tongue across yours. Letting you taste just how much he turned you on.

Your kisses were wet and loud in the morning light. The darkness of his sheets and furniture did little to cut into the light poking through his blinds. The shadows played across his skin and you ran your hands over his shoulders, down his back, and cupped his ass.

He moaned and pushed his hips into yours, letting you feel that glorious monster of his. Your kisses continued lazily. He sucked on your bottom lip, retreating and converging in sloppy waves.

Your body began to burn once more. You were achingly empty. Your pussy throbbed with absolute need. Your moans turned to whines as he was content to kiss you. His dick was just there, out of reach.

He gyrated his hips, digging into you without entering you. Your hands moved up and down his body, wanting to feel all of him. Everywhere. The more you kissed, the lower he got until he was laying most of his weight on you.

You moaned, loving the unexplainable feeling of being crushed beneath him. He pulled away and hissed, moving his lips to your jaw and then your ear.

“Let me hear you beg a lil’ bit,” he said.

You bit your lip suddenly feeling a little shy. Then again, he had been balls deep inside you plenty of times. He had a whole shower cap ready for you and still fucked you like you were a goddess.

“Please, Sir, fuck me,” you moaned.

He chuckled, placing a kiss on your cheek. He ground his hips into you.

“Ion think you really want it,” he said. He moved to sit back and you clutched his back, digging your nails in. You let him see how desperate you were. Still, he moved backwards, until he was able to stand up.

“Please! Fill me up! I’m so empty. Please,” you said. You leaned up on your elbows to watch him.

“I’m still not convinced,” he said. He looked down at you, tilting his head once more.

You pouted a bit and widened your eyes. You sat up on the bed. “Please,” you whispered.

He grinned and pulled you by your ankles to move to the edge of the bed. You yelped as you slid access the slick sheets. He moved his hand to grip his length and rolled the tip of his dick through your folds before moving down to your entrance and pushing in. He watched as your eyes widened further, as your mouth dropped open at the fullness of him. You pushed at his chest even though this was what you begged for.

He grabbed your wrist and slammed it against the mattress. He pushed in further, deeper, and your head fell back against the mattress. He used his free hand to grab your right thigh, pulling it higher and over his shoulder.

You stared at him. Something bestial moved behind his eyes as he found an entirely new angle. “Oh shit,” you gasped. He kissed your ankle and calf as he moved inside of you slow and deep, giving you long strokes.

“Oh fuck me!” You moaned. You twisted your wrist, trying to move his hand so that you could push against his chest again. Your free hand gripped his ass and pulled him in harder.

“What are your plans for today?” He asked.

“Whaa?” You looked at him. He had a determined look in his eye even as he was waiting for an answer.

“I asked you a question,” he said. He increased his pace, slamming into you with force. You practically bounced on his dick with how hard he was fucking into you.

You whined and moaned, eyes crossing as he fucked you. You couldn’t answer, couldn’t breathe, and this fucker wanted to play twenty-one questions? “F-family traditions,” you said.

“Nothing but family?”

“Uhnf, think so?” You weren’t sure where he was going with this. He pushed into you with enough force that wet slaps split the air. Your thighs slapped together with his and his balls slapped against your ass.

He kissed you, running his tongue across your lips. “I want you to put on another one of them sets you wore last night,” he said.

You bit your lip, feeling so aroused you wanted to scream. “Around my family?” You asked.

He nodded. “And come see me after,” he said.

Shit, he was working the hell outta your pussy. Your thigh burned from where he held it over his shoulder. He bit into your calf and you cried out.

“Say you’ll come see me,” he said. He looked back at you, staring into your eyes.

Pressure built in your lower belly. He was stroking with such ferocity, you felt like you were the one that was going to be split in half.

“You-ah-dictating what I wear?” You asked. Your head flopped uselessly on the bed. You could only get fucked and try to keep up with his strokes. Your breasts bounced with each stroke.

“Say you’ll come see me,” he said. His strokes turned desperate, sloppily jerking into you like he was looking for the holy grail in between your legs.

“Okay, Daddy,” you said, and huffed a laugh. You intended it as a joke since he wanted to start dictating shit around here. But he didn’t laugh with you. You turned your eyes towards him and his eyes were practically feral.

“Say it again,” he growled.

Oh shit, oh shit, you fucked up.

He dropped your leg and it slapped against his hip. He released your wrist and then dug his hands under your thighs. He hefted you up with your knees in the crook of his elbows.

“Say it again,” he hissed. He stood up with you cradled in his arms. A brief flash of panic coursed through you and you held onto his shoulders.

“Sir!” You yelled.

“Say that shit again,” he said. The boss you knew no longer existed. There was a wild, untamed gleam in his eyes. An answering animalistic urge woke up within you.

“Yes Daddy,” you said.

He groaned and pumped his arms, slamming you up and down on his length. You cried out. At this angle, he slipped completely out of you until only the tip of his dick remained inside of you. Then, you felt the entire length of him as you glided back down on him.

“Oh fuck! Ouue, fuck me, Daddy. Fuck me!” You moaned.

“Say that shit again,” he moaned low in his throat.

“Daddy, I’m ‘bout to–” You couldn’t finish your sentence as you came ferociously. You shook and convulsed as if fireworks were detonated in your core. You saw flashes behind your closed eyelids as you came with a loud keening wail.

You clenched down on his dick, squeezing him. “That’s a good girl, cumming all over Daddy’s dick. Let me feel it,” he moaned. He continued to pump inside of you, chasing his own orgasm in your wet heat.

He threw his head back and grunted as he released inside of you. At this angle, he immediately came spilling back out. Some of his cum leaked down your ass and you moaned. You were so thoroughly claimed, you could die happy.

You shook with sudden cold and Tre kissed your cheek. He walked you over to the bed and laid you down gently. Your huffing breaths mingled as you both climbed down off that precipice of pleasure.

He groaned as he slipped out of you. He laid down next to you, cupping your cheek. He ducked down for a quick peck, too out of breath for more. But it was enough. He was still an asshole but at least he listened.

He cuddled up next to you, pulling you until your head rested on his chest. You brought your right leg to drape over his. He fingered the chain around your thigh and sighed. There was a slight smile on his face. He kissed the top of your head and you kissed his chest.

For a brief moment, you two just sat there in the aftermath of a really intense session. Now that the adrenaline was leaving you, sensation returned to your thigh. You didn’t show bruises easily, but you were starting to feel twinges of pain on your thighs. You stretched it out, kind of turned on to be claimed so roughly.

He rubbed your arm, rubbing feeling back into you. You still briefly shook, quick aftershocks from your orgasm. You kissed his chest. “I know cuddling isn’t your thing…” You were about to get up to relieve him of the burden, but he tightened his arm around your shoulder.

“I’m where I need to be,” he said. He nudged his lips against your temple, cheek, and finally your lips. “You’ll come back here after?” He asked.

“It might be really late,” you said. You bit your lip. Why was it so hard to say no to him? You weren’t trying to run, but you weren’t kidding about needing patience. This was entirely new territory for you.

He kissed your cheek again. It was like once you asked for that much, he couldn’t help continuing to do it.

“I don’t want anything. No sex. Just us,” he said.

You looked into his eyes. He seemed sincere…

“I’ll come back here after,” you said with a grin. Fuck it. Maybe you really did need to think less.

You spent Christmas Eve and Christmas with your family, enjoying the silly little traditions you had like opening one present on Christmas Eve and gathering around for food and drinks. The grown folks retreated to the Spades table, talking trash but trying to keep it light since ya’ll were trying to keep the holiday spirit.

Grandma whupped everyone’s ass, sweeping the table with a long string of profanities that the children cackled over. They told Grandma to put some money in the swear jar. Grandma told them to kiss her cookies.

On Christmas Eve night, you went to Tre’s house, too exhausted to do anything more than enjoy a glass of wine and talk to him. He was…surprisingly funny. Even though you were dead tired, he rubbed your aching feet while he told you wild stories from his youth. His life could fill several movies.

Stories about growing up scraping for every dollar he could get his hands on. Scuffling with the local roughnecks, getting into fights at school. You spent the whole time trying to reconcile the image he was painting with the man in front of you and just couldn’t picture it. He was always so well put together.

As promised, he kept his hands to himself. He rubbed your feet, legs, and arms, but there was nothing sneaky about it. He wasn’t trying to push you into sex when you were clearly worn out. He made you tell him all about your family and the traditions you had. You told him that Christmas was your favorite holiday and he told you that he didn’t have one. You tried to pester him, but he shrugged and told you that he worked holidays so they were just another day to him.

That night, he stripped you out of your clothes, showered with you (only showered), and then crawled into bed still whispering about your lives. It was like he was trying to speed run through all the dating questions you couldn’t do at an actual dinner.

Did that bother you? Would you ever be able to show your face in public with this man? Did you want the scrutiny?

You had to go home Christmas night because you didn’t have anything for work at his place. He offered to take you shopping in the morning for anything you needed and you had to do a lot of convincing to let him know that it was a bad idea.

You reluctantly said good night to him, climbing into your car and headed home. You always thought that inviting anyone into your life meant giving up too much. You were aware of your faults. Constantly giving yourself to people until there was nothing of you left. And when you exerted some boundaries, the situation blew up in your face because they had already gotten used to you working yourself to death over them. They gaslit you into trying to make you believe that you lied to them in the beginning.

You didn’t lie. You just wanted them to like you. You liked taking care of them but not to the point of making yourself sick. So up in flames the relationships went until you resigned yourself to quickies and brief flings. You worked hard to maintain boundaries. Keeping guys at arm’s length so that you don't have to pour too much of yourself into it.

You didn’t want anything to ruin that. You liked having space. You liked waking up alone, having quiet mornings to yourself. Pouring yourself some coffee, reading, and getting ready at your leisure. You could walk around your place butterball naked and who was gonna stop you?

But this past weekend with Tre felt…different. It wasn’t bad, it wasn’t good. You didn’t feel like you were compromising anything about your hard earned safety or boundaries by being at his place. Though he loved to ice skate on your boundaries. He was damn convincing with those glasses, that beard, and that smooth skin that looked good enough to eat.

You took a deep breath as you made it home and piddled around, cleaning this or that and starting a load of laundry. You had it bad for Tre. You could admit that in the comfort of your home and in the safety of your mind. You didn’t know what to do with the information. You only wished it wouldn’t bite you in the ass.

Come Tuesday morning, you were refreshed and relaxed, combing through the invoices. He was going to ask about these soon. Especially when he glanced at his calendar and saw that you kept playing leapfrog with the meeting. How could you present inaccurate records to the client, showing that you had been overbilling them this entire time?

Looking back into earlier records proved that you hadn’t miscalculated. You were a dumbass but you weren’t stupid. The client had been overbilled for years and now you were knee deep in records from five years ago. You feared that this was going to go back way to the beginning of the account.

How did you even attempt to bring this up to Tre?

He was currently in a phone meeting with a different client. You ran a quick check of those invoices, they were good. But they were also a smaller company. They would notice being overbilled.

Since you had reached your new arrangement just this weekend, it seemed to dull the lust between you and Tre at work. He still gave you looks hot enough to scorch, but he wasn’t trying to rip your clothes off before work, during lunch, after work, and before you headed home.

Speaking of lunch…

You grabbed your phone, ready to order something for the both of you. He told you that he still wanted to spend his lunches with you, whether or not he was having you as a dessert.

Your core heated up just thinking about it. You could get used to getting fucked so often, he just had to give you a proper rest period. Your pussy was not Wonder Woman.

“Hey!” You looked up to see Lee, a manager like Tre. She was a white woman with blond hair, tall for a woman, and wearing an oversized red suit.

“I’m sorry, he’s in a meeting,” you said.

Lee waved her hand. “I’m actually here to see you. I know you started during a difficult time. Well, you, and some other assistants. I just wanted to check in,” she said.

“Oh! Thank you! I like working here,” you said. Thank goodness you couldn’t blush where anyone could see. You would be a walking neon sign if she could see how badly the tips of your ears burned.

She nodded towards all the paperwork on your desk. “Tre isn’t working you to death, is he? Goodness, look at all this work!” Lee laughed but your radar immediately went up. It didn’t sound genuine and she leaned in, trying to glimpse what you were doing.

You moved a binder and sat it on top of the papers, trying to block out the company name. The managers were the only ones who approved invoices. She and Tre weren’t the only managers there but you couldn’t rule them out.

Tre did seem to have a large amount of money for a manager, but then again, you looked up his job. He was making bank and a commission for every client he brought in. You assumed the same could be said for Lee, but until you had evidence or even a place to start looking, you only nodded.

“Not overworking me! Just, so much filing! His system is terrible. Men,” you said and laughed, affecting a ditzy routine. It didn’t usually work for Black girls but with your voice and height, it wasn’t too hard to make Lee think you were a ditz. You were just the clueless assistant, nothing to see here.

“Men, right. If you have a problem with him, you let me know okay?” She stopped trying to look at the paperwork on your desk but you weren’t sure if it was because you hid it or if she already saw which company you were looking at.

“Alright, give him my best. We’re still on for the meeting at three right?”

“He will be there,” you said.

Lee waved as she left and you narrowed your eyes as she walked away. When she stopped by another office, you moved the binder and went back to work. You were going to figure this out. Not just for your sake, but for the company’s sake. They fired all these people because of the money someone stole. That wasn’t right.

You were lost in your thoughts when an overpowering floral scent assaulted your nose. You sneezed and looked up.

A slender Black woman with an expensive black suit walked up to your desk. Her skirt looked painted on and her jacket was cinched at the waist with a large red belt. She carried a small black briefcase. Her hair was straight, held back by a headband. Who the fuck still wore headbands?

She breezed past you and you stood up, blocking her way to Tre’s door. “He’s in a meeting, may I help you?”

The woman stepped back and blinked at you. She gave you a once over and you fought the urge to cover yourself. She smiled but it was more like a lift of her lips.

“Aren’t you adorable! You must be new,” she said. She moved to get around you and you blocked her way once more.

“He’s still in a meeting,” you said. You could already feel your voice shaking and fingers feeling numb. You hated confrontation but you stood your ground with your head held high.

The woman giggled. “Im Brianna,” she said, as if it made any difference.

“Nice to meet you, Brianna. He’s in a meeting,” you said. Damn, did she need to clean out her ears?

Brianna smiled and leaned in conspiratorially. “I am the meeting, dear,” she said.

She brushed past you anyway and you turned to follow her into Tre’s office. But she was already closing the door in your face with a wink.

Your mouth dropped open with a silent gasp. If you tried something like that while he was in a meeting, he’d bite your head off. He did not play about being interrupted, no matter what.

You stood there and waited for the inevitable yelling or his fury to shake the walls of his office. But you didn’t hear anything. Either the walls were better than you thought, or he wasn’t screaming bloody murder.

You frowned and returned to your desk, waking up your computer to check his calendar. There was no fuckin’ Brianna listed. You searched through his calendar before you came aboard.

Either the previous assistant was a bigger dumbass than you or Brianna was some mysterious person with an alias on his calendar. Was that a thing? Did skeevy bosses still pencil in their dick appointments?

Your nails tapped on the desk, the fresh manicure he paid for silently mocking you. Did he have ten black cards that he handed out to all of his conquests? Did he have that much money? Your stomach gurgled the longer little miss Brianna stayed in his office without him throwing her out.

You would not be jealous, you would not be jealous…

Your phone dinged and his lunch had arrived. He was still in the office. How long did it take to throw a delusional woman out on her ass? You left your desk area, too anxious to do so, but you needed to grab the food.

You used the walk to try and calm your nerves. You armed yourself with the knowledge that he was balls deep inside you this weekend. He hadn’t even glanced at his phone while he was with you. But what was he up to when you were gone to your family’s place?

You grabbed the food from the driver and thanked him. When you got back to your desk, his door was still closed. You knew he hated for his food to get cold, but what could you do?

If he had her on the desk, legs spread, and you walked in, you were going to be sick. You finally felt like you had the hang of this job. You didn’t want to have to leave it over dick.

You squared your shoulders. Rip the bandaid off. You entered his office without knocking. They were still clothed, thank god. Brianna sat on the edge of his desk, far too close for your comfort.

She looked up and turned predatory eyes towards you. It was nothing in her facial expression to throw you off, but you were pretty good at reading people’s eyes. She was no longer looking at you like an “adorable little assistant”. She looked at you like you were competition. Like she was sizing you up for a fight.

Tre smiled when you entered. He was sitting down, leaning back in his seat. Well…at least they weren’t naked.

“Your lunch,” you said. You placed his food on his desk. This was beyond fucking awkward but you weren’t going to let her bother you.

“Tre, do all of your assistants knock without entering? Can’t find good help these days?” Brianna asked.

“Stop it,” Tre said.

Brianna only smiled, keeping her eyes on you. “How long have you had this one?”

Tre snapped his eyes towards you. His eyes looked pleading but you kept your expression cold. It was far too early to have the exes conversation, but if he had exes that were going to be dropping by, throwing their goodies in his face, it was wrong to blindside you.

“Brianna is only staying for lunch,” he told you.

Ah. You nodded. “Is there anything else you need, Sir?” You asked, your voice the picture of ice. You wrapped that ice around you and let it cool your heated blood. You didn’t like this shit one fucking bit.

“Sir? Oh, did you train her or is she naturally that adorable?”

You kept your eyes on Tre. She had one more fucking time to call you adorable. You weren’t above fighting, but you’d be damned if you fought over some dick. Some phenomenal dick, but still��dick.

You weren’t going to act crazy. It was his initial around your thigh. He had been buried between your legs all last week and this weekend. Shit didn’t change just because a Barbie doll strolled through town.

“Let me know when you want me to take out the trash,” you said. You looked at Brianna when you said trash and gave her an icy smile. You turned and walked out, closing the door behind you.

You were tempted to fucking disappear. In fact, the more you thought about it, the more it sounded like a great fucking idea. You didn’t want to seem like a coward though. It’d serve him right if you up and disappeared and he worried for you like that.

But you didn’t have a petty bone in your body. You didn’t want anyone to worry about you. Worse, you didn’t want to come back and realize that he didn’t worry about you at all. You were a bundle of nerves and you hated it.

As soon as his lunch hour ended, his door opened. Brianna came flying out of the office but when she saw you sitting there, she stopped and composed herself. She gave you a sneer and looked back at Tre.

“You might want to open a window, it stinks in here,” she said.

“”I’m sure the stench will clear in the next minute or two,” you said sweetly. You even smiled. She only sucked her teeth and walked off, swinging her nonexistent ass.

“Come in,” Tre sighed, as if he was already gearing up for a fight.

“I’m busy,” you said.

He called your name but you didn’t spare him a glance. You swiveled in your seat and went back to your invoices.

“You really want to have this conversation where anyone can hear?” He asked.

You ignored him as you looked between the invoices. You weren’t going to make a scene, not at the office. You had already tempted fate more than you liked and you weren’t about to air out dirty laundry in front of the whole office.

“I’m talking to you,” he said.

“I’m ignoring you,” you said.

Tre sighed. He grabbed your arm and you yanked it out of his grasp. You turned fiery eyes towards him. “Are you out of your mind?” You asked, your voice low but clear. You looked around at any wandering eyes. Hell at this point, you two were a walking telenovela.

“You’re not going to use this as an excuse to run,” he said.

“Excuse me?” You asked.

He gripped the back of your seat and pulled you into his office. You were too busy holding on to consider simply standing up to get away. Once you thought that, you were already in the office and he was slamming the door shut.

“Brianna is an ex,” he said.

“Really? I thought she was the cleaning lady,” you said.

“Check your attitude. I’m trying to explain,” he said.

“Don’t need one,” you said. You crossed your arms. You knew you were acting childish, but you couldn’t help it. Brianna was exactly the type of adult you should be. Confident, sexy, wrapping men like Tre around their little fingers.

Instead, you were the adorable assistant playing way out of her league. And you hated that feeling. It churned like acid. You knew you were stupid to get involved with Tre. You knew this. And you fell into his arms anyway.

Brianna was probably laughing her ass off on her way to wherever hole she crawled out of. You felt out of sorts, after having such an incredible weekend.

Tre sighed and locked his door. He grabbed you by the arm and pulled you from your chair. He dragged you around his desk and pushed you against it.

“You’re out of your fuckin’ mind if you think we’re about to have sex,” you said.

A swift, hard smack to your ass cut off your next complaint. “What the fu–”

Another smack landed on your ass and your knees buckled. He showed no mercy. He pressed his mouth against your ear.

“I would fuck the attitude out of you but I’m the only one who gets to hear you screaming. You’re lucky you’re not over my knee right now,” he said.

Fuck him. Fuck him straight to hell because his words and him manhandling you only turned you on. What kind of magic spell did he weave this past weekend, where he seemed to have a direct line to your throbbing pussy?

This was so fucked. You pushed at him with your elbow but he crowded your space, leaving enough room for him to land several blows to your ass. Your butt stung with pain and you bit your lip to keep from crying out.

“Look at where I am. I’m here with you. I’m going against everything

I ever fuckin’ stood for to tell you that I’m not going any fuckin’ where.”

Your hands gripped the edge of his desk, squeezing the life from the wood as your ass sang with pain. You wanted to run like a little jack rabbit. This wasn’t what you signed up for. You should’ve never taken this fucking job.

“You told me you were in it. That doesn’t change because of a blast from the past,” he whispered harshly in your ear.

“Blast from the recent past,” you said.

“Not since before I even met you. I was already considering dumping Brianna. We’re too much alike,” he said.

You fought everything in you to believe him. You bit the corner of your cheek, unwilling to shed a tear. This has gotten way out of hand. But you forced yourself to deal. Forced yourself to stand here, ass stinging, and face the same truth you discovered on your way home.

You were in too deep with Tre to back out now. Look at how you acted over this. Imagine if it had been something worse. You acted completely out of character. You weren’t usually the possessive type. After so many people leaving you, you made sure not to hold on to anyone. If people want to leave your life, you let them go. Period.

But fuck him. You wanted him. You wanted to keep him. You burned with the knowledge. The growing dampness between your legs let you know that you wanted him physically but it was more than that. You liked hearing him talk about his life. You liked listening to him laugh. He was changing so much shit about himself to accommodate you.

“If this is going to work between us, you have to be honest. We did this shit out of order, so I want to know everything,” you said.

Tre let out a shaky breath, dropping his head to your shoulder. “Honest,” he promised. He kissed the back of your neck. You looked at his computer, he had time before his meeting.

You flipped around in his arms. He kept his face calm but his eyes were rolling with a dark storm. You pushed on him until he relented and stepped back.

“If this is going to work, you’re mine,” you said.

Tre narrowed his eyes. You pushed him to sit down in his seat. You hiked up your gray dress, exposing a matching pair of thin, lace panties. You pulled those down and the T on your chain tickled your thigh as you brought the panties down over it. You stepped out of it, placing it in his jacket pocket.

He lifted his eyebrow at you. “Mine,” you reiterated.

You didn’t have anything to mark him with. Anything you could buy him, he could buy himself ten times over. Any bites you left behind would fade over time. Any way to stake your claim were all temporary.

The only thing you could do was respond as he would. With action. You tore at his pants, unbuckling his belt and freeing his straining dick. He groaned and reached out to touch you.

“Hands on the arm rests or I stop,” you snapped.

He held up his hands and lowered them towards the arm rests. You dropped to your knees, sucking him into your mouth. He hissed and his hips bucked forward. You slobbered on him, getting him as wet as possible before standing up and straddling him.

This was the boldest fucking thing you’d ever done. You didn’t know where this audacity came from. But you were sick of being on uneven ground. Caught off guard, not knowing what the hell he was going to do next. You suspected that it would always be like that. He was just a man through and through. You couldn’t tell a man shit.

But this you could do. You could surprise him from time to time. You could match his actions. Show him that you weren’t running. You were in it. You didn’t go back on your word lightly.

You kissed him harshly. More like a brand than a kiss. Your mouths meshed together, teeth scraping, tongues dueling. The chair groaned from how hard he was gripping the arm rests.

“Say you’re mine,” you said. You pulled back enough to look into his eyes.

“I’m yours,” he moaned into your mouth.

“Say it again,” you commanded.

“I’m yours,” he answered automatically.

You grabbed his dick and positioned it at your entrance. You weren’t half as cruel as him. You could tease him mercilessly. You could tease his dick around your entrance until he was a drooling, slobbering idiot, begging to get inside of you. But you needed this as much as he did. You wanted it more.

You sat down on his dick and his head dropped back, with a strained groan. You buried your mouth into his suit jacket, biting down and beginning to ride him slowly.

You leaned up and sank down onto his length, gripping the back of his neck with both hands. You looked into his eyes and rode him at your leisure. You set the pace. You let him know that this shit went both ways.

“Fuck, baby. Let me touch you,” he said.

“No,” you said. You continued to ride him and chase your orgasm. It steadily built low in your belly. It was an angry, wicked thing stirring up inside of you until you were bucking your hips faster and holding onto his neck for dear life.

You came with a muffled cry, shaking on him. He groaned and released himself inside of you with an equally strained sound escaping low in his throat.

You kissed him again. His beard tickled your chin but you kept going, kept kissing him and claiming him though it would never be enough.

“I’m yours, baby, I swear. Let me touch you,” he said, kissing your cheek and neck.

“Don’t let go,” you said. You dropped your chin to his shoulder. Tre’s arms came around you and hugged you close, crushing you to his body.

“Never,” he promised. “Never letting go.”

“I’m never letting go,” you promised right back.

#Megaminds Secret Files #The Secret Tre Files #Trevante Rhodes fanfic #Trevante Rhodes fan fic #Trevante Rhodes fanfiction #Trevante Rhodes fan fiction #Candy Cane Lane fanfic #Candy Cane Lane fan fiction #Candy Cane Lane fanfiction #Candy Can Lane fan fic #Tre x Black!reader #Tre x Black reader #x Black reader #Tre x Fem!reader #Tre x Fem reader #Tre x Assistant!reader #Tre x Assistant reader

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partyanimal167 · 10 months ago

Text

A Win-Win Situation- Rayleigh x F!Reader

I had to drop a bag at the mechanic two days ago, and to literally keep myself from not crying, I was coming up with a fic idea to make the situation sexier and not depressing 😅 This popped up, and I was just like, 'At least I can finally write for Rayleigh.' I also told my friend, and he supported doing what you needed to do because damn do autoshops scare me.

CW: modern au, black fem reader, age gap, very light dubcon, smut, praise kink, daddy kink, MDNI

You only expected to get the tires rotated. So when the man started talking about parts and labor costs, you were ready for the earth to swallow you up whole.

You were confident about a lot of things. You could do most adulting tasks like clean, organize your bills, plan a trip, etc. But cars...weren't your area of expertise. But you managed for awhile, so you didn't worry too much! You watched videos and knew that there were things you needed to get done to maintain the vehicle.

So you went to get your tires rotated. Easy. Nothing to worry about....until, the guy pointed out that your check engine light was on. He must have seen the way you stiffened and tried to keep your expression calm.

The man gave you a sweet, flirty smile and waved his hand. "Don't worry too much, sweetheart. I'm actually a bit packed today, but an old friend owns a shop on the next street over. He should be able to check it out. Shouldn't cost you much either."

You bit your lip nervously as you rocked a little. "Really?"

"Of course! Tell 'im Shanks sent you. He'll take really good care of you."

~~~

You shyly stepped out of your car in front of the older shop where a radio played throwbacks and a fan blew strongly.

You walked quietly through the open garage door where a person stood under a lifted car with a welder's mask on. "Uh, excuse me" you raised your voice a little since you weren't sure if they'd be able to hear.

The body looked up at you before stepping from under the car and turning to take off the welding hood.

You weren't ready for the kind, sweet older man to beam at you. His glasses were somehow spotless despite the hood. After he wiped his hands on a rag, he pulled his long, gray hair out of its ponytail. "Hi dear, how can I help you today?"

You fidgeted with your hands a little. "Huh, I was just trying to get my tires rotated, but my check engine light is on. The guy, Shanks, said I should come see you." you explained.

The man nodded. "Ah the boy. Yes of course I can help you." he wiped his hairline and sipped his water. "Shame you're out here in this heat. That boyfriend of yours shouldn't be having you out running car errands either."

Your cheeks warmed up, and you scratched one nervously. "I don't have a boyfriend." you softly corrected.

The man handed you a water bottle. "Well that can be fixed--easily." he chuckled. Before you could ask what he met, he held out his hand, and you gave him his keys. "I'm Rayleigh by the way." You nodded and with your own. "Beautiful, what a pleasure."

You stepped to the side as the man drove your car in and took out a little gadget to hook up to your car. You watched a bit confused as he pressed some buttons and frowned at the screen.

The sun continued to beam down, so you were glad you were wearing your short shorts and cropped hoodie, but you weren't expecting to be out alone with just you and the older man. The other shop had a lot of people coming in and out. You wiped your brow and chugged some of your water as you eyed the older man. You didn't feel too nervous though. Rayleigh seemed nice. He was all gentle smiles and had a calm demeanor. Plus, he looked good for his age. You bet he was a real lady killer in his day.

"I'm going to be honest, love. I think one of your catalytic converter is shot. We're going to need to replace it." the man sighed as he closed the door and looked over to you.

You blinked twice. "That's the expensive part, right?"

The man chuckled at your wording and nodded. "I'm afraid so. But don't worry. I won't charge you an arm and a leg." he assured you. You rocked the on your heels a little as you nibbled a little on your lip. "That's what Shanks said..."

"Let's get you out this heat." you entered a small office and sat at the desk. Rayleigh handed you another water bottle before taking off his denim jacket. You nearly choked. This man is jacked. He had on a white tee, but you weren't expecting the way his muscles filled it in. "You okay there?"

You cleared your throat and met a mischievous look. Hopefully, he didn't notice your stares. You nodded. He grinned as he typed away at his computer. "So I need to order the part, but I think including labor we're looking at this amount." he filled out an invoice and circled the total. Rayleigh watched as your body went rigid and he sighed. "I'm sorry sweetheart. I wish it could be less. I-,"

"Oh no, it's fine! You have a business to run of course," you gave a little nervous smile. Rayleigh gave you a once over before that innocent smile was back.

"Come here, princess."

You whipped your head up. "Excuse me?"

Rayleigh pushed away from the desk a little and patted a spot in front of him. "Come sit."

You stood and walked around the desk and sat. You gasped as your hand was taken and a soft kiss was placed on it. "You can't go giving an old man ideas especially with the way you're looking at me." you gasped in response. "We can do a little trade. What do you say? Let's see how many rounds you can last, and I'll make some adjustments." You were surprised by the challenge, but it excited you all the same. The old man seemed experienced. Plus, there was no way he was going to out last you either. It was an easy win-win.

~~~

"Fuck daddy, daddy!" your legs were shaking as the man continued to pump his fingers inside as you sat in his lap. You gripped tightly on his shoulders as you bounced up and down.

Rayleigh grinned meanly at you. "What's wrong, dear? It's only been two so far. I'm trying to be nice here. Can't you give me some more?" The man went back to licking and sucking on your nipples as you moaned and sobbed. Your walls started clenching on his fingers once more and you whined as he put more pressure on your clit with the heel of his palm. "Ah there we go. Good girl, I knew you could do it." He sucked a hickey right below your ear. "You flatter this old man with how you sound. Is it good?"

"Yes!" you groaned as you tipped over that mountain again.

It took you a couple moments to catch your breath, and when you were present again, you realized you were on the desk looking up at the man who didn't even have a hair out of place. That sweet smile was there, but with the three orgasms he just gave you, it was so deceiving. Your face was burning, and you let your eyes trail down to see his member out and proud. It was girthy and hard. You could see the veins that ran down and the streams of precum that had been leaking. You whimpered.

"I wanna suck it, daddy." your eyes glossed over, and your cheeks were shiny with tears.

The man groaned at the sight. He'd have to thank Shanks for sending you over. He shook his head. "Ah ah, no sweetheart. You can do that next time. This is your reward for being so good for me, princess." He lifted your hood and spread some of juices around. "Deep breath now," and he sunk in.

You cried out deliriously. He filled you so well and stretched you more than you expected even with prep. You hooked your legs around his waist and pulled him even closer. Rayleigh chuckled before pushing in further. "Fuck, you feel so good, love. Such a naughty girl just for carrying around this good pussy, shit." the man huffed as he started up a slow but strong rhythm.

Skin slapped against another loudly, and you were drowning it. It was too much yet not enough at the same time. Rayleigh grunted deliciously near your ear and cooed about how pretty you were, how good you felt, how he wanted to keep you around and fill you up. You clenched around him more and more, and he sped up. "I'll give it to you, baby. Good girl wants to get pumped full?"

"Yes, yes! Please, let me- uh uh, let me have it please." You cried out. You moaned as you were kissed deeply and felt your tongues twirled around. "Fuck, fuck! I'm gonna cum, daddy. I'm gonna cum. Fuck, yes!" Your orgasm hit you hard; you saw pure white in your eyes as you crashed and rode that wave into pleasure.

"So good. So good! I'll give it to you princess. Just take it," Rayleigh continued on and huffed loudly, glasses finally falling off. He gripped the back of your thighs as he finished and milked himself.

The two of stay silent for a moment before you squeaked as you felt fingers stuff you full. "Can't waste a drop." Rayleigh winked.

You looked at him completely stunned.

This was certainly not how you thought the day would go...

~~~

*rereads and blushes* God damn....

I hope I did justice to my mans Rayleigh! I'm just gonna indulge in this fantasy to pretend that I didnt have to drop cash on this damn car...

Thanks for reading!

Part Two

#one piece #one piece imagine #one piece x reader #silvers rayleigh #dark king rayleigh #rayleigh x reader #modern au #fem reader #black fem reader #mine #partyanimal167 #one piece rayleigh #one piece smut

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gloomwitchwrites · 6 months ago

Note

Congrats on 1k! That's amazing and so deserved.

Thank you so much for doing a little event for all of us! Could I please request NSFW Alphabet with Kyle Garrick please? I just love him so much.

Thank you so much!

Ugh. Kyle. My husband. My man. I adore him. I might have found my way to TF141 because of Simon Riley but I stayed for Kyle Garrick. I had so much fun coming up with these. Kyle truly deserves to much love. I tried to make this as gender neutral as possible. Enjoy!

Kyle "Gaz" Garrick x Reader

Word Count: 1.1k

1k Follower Event Rules

NSFW Alphabet Template (I did make some slight changes for mine)

ao3 // taglist // 1k follower event masterlist // main masterlist

A = Aftercare (what they’re like after sex)

Kyle is an aftercare king. This man is a fucking gentleman. After sex, he’s going to fetch a washcloth to clean you up. He will either make you food, order food, and/or bring it to you. Really, Kyle will tailor aftercare to your needs instead of assuming what you want. He’ll likely suggest several options, and if you can’t seem to decide, he will pick for you. For Kyle, aftercare is as important as the sex itself. He sees it as an extension of the act in every way.

B = Body part (their favorite body part of theirs and also their partner’s)

Kyle favors his arms because he loves holding you in them. Could be a hug or when the two of you are cuddling, but also loves watching the muscles flex when he’s fucking you. Nothing is sexier to him. His favorite part of you is your hips/waist. It drives him absolutely feral when he can hold onto them during sex.

C = Cum (anything to do with cum, basically)

Loves putting it inside and on you but the clean up is not his favorite. It’s why he goes through the trouble of putting towels down.

D = Dirty Secret (what’s a dirty secret of theirs?)

Whenever Price pisses him off (which is rarely) Kyle thinks about how he can get you to work so he can fuck you on/over Price’s desk.

E = Experience (how experienced are they? do they know what they’re doing?)

Experienced. Absolutely knows what he’s doing, but isn’t arrogant about it. Kyle is confident but it’s because he listens and accommodates to your needs while also expressing his own desires. Kyle is a “is this okay with you?” kind of man.

F = Favorite position (this goes without saying)

Any that involves him being able to look at your face while you come.

G = Goofy (are they more serious in the moment? are they humorous? etc.)

More so serious in the moment but knows how to laugh when something happens. Sex isn’t perfect. It is messy and loud, and sometimes a trainwreck, but he’s good natured about it.

H = Hair (how well-groomed are they? does the carpet match the drapes? etc.)

Kyle is well-groomed. Period. Full stop. Literally don’t need to say more on this matter.

I = Intimacy (how are they during the moment? the romantic aspect)

Kyle craves intimacy. I would argue that it is his favorite part of sex. Getting off is all well and good but Kyle wants connection with his partner. If there isn’t any connection or intimacy, what’s the point?

J = Jack off (masturbation headcanon)

Kyle doesn’t like to masturbate unless you’re watching.

K = Kink (one or more of their kinks)

Mirror sex, or anything that allows Kyle to watch him fuck you or watch you fuck him.

L = Location (favorite places to do the do)

At home, specifically on the bed or sofa. Kyle wants both of you to be comfortable. Plus, he likes to take his time and you can’t really do that anywhere else.

M = Motivation (what turns them on, gets them going)

Enthusiastic, verbal consent. And by that I mean “I want you to [insert thing you want done to you here], Kyle.” Man is fucking gone. Chomping at the bit. His only response is “yes ma’am/sir” and then it’s on.

N = No (something they wouldn’t do, turn offs)

Voyeurism. He doesn’t want to watch others and doesn’t want others watching him and his partner. Age play or being called “daddy.”

O = Oral (preference in giving or receiving, skill, etc.)

Equally enjoys receiving and giving.

P = Pace (are they fast and rough? slow and sensual? etc.)

Depends! If he simply needs to be inside you for a quickie, expect it to be fast and rough, but he’d rather take his time. Slow and sensual with lots of foreplay and intimacy is his preference.

Q = Quickie (their opinions on quickies, how often, etc.)

Kyle enjoys an impromptu quickie now and again, but Kyle enjoys intimacy with his sex, so I can’t see him having quickies often.

R = Risk (are they game to experiment? do they take risks? etc.)

Absolutely down to experiment but also needs his partner to know that even he has hard limits and will respect that. Won’t take risks in the bedroom unless the two of you are trying something new. Public sex or potentially getting caught is up in the air. Would be down for a quickie at work but anything that might actually get the two of you in trouble is a no.

S = Stamina (how many rounds can they go for? how long do they last?)

If Kyle has the entire day to have sex, I would say five rounds and that includes a round of just oral. However, if this is after a long day, he could probably get one in. Just because he does what he does for a living doesn’t mean Kyle has energy for sex after work. I’d say his recovery period between would be the average standard amongst men his age.

T = Toys (do they own toys? do they use them? on a partner or themselves?)

I can’t see Kyle using toys on himself but absolutely for his partner. He does not shy away from them and would absolutely incorporate them into the bedroom. But he would also make sure that the toys are something you both consent to and pick out together.

U = Unfair (how much they like to tease)

A bit of a tease but not much. Kyle is more likely to tease when he’s feeling a bit playful. When it comes to general intimacy and connection, physical touch is important to him. Kyle is more likely to tease just day-to-day than during sex.

V = Volume (how loud they are, what sounds they make, etc.)

Not loud at all. Kyle has a softer voice in the bedroom, but communicates a lot. Loves to praise and speak softly to you. Absolutely groans and whimpers.

W = Wild card (a random headcanon for the character)

Enjoys cock warming between sex sessions.

X = Xtra (an additional headcanon)

Loves it when you praise him back.

Y = Yearning (how high is their sex drive?)

Decent. He could definitely have sex every day but he doesn’t see it as a requirement in a relationship.

Z = Zzz (how quickly they fall asleep afterwards)

Kyle wouldn’t fall asleep until aftercare is done. He’ll check to make sure you’re completely satiated and taken care of first before settling in.

taglist:

@glassgulls @km-ffluv @glitterypirateduck @tiredmetalenthusiast @spicyspicyliving

@childofyuggoth @miaraei @coffeecaketornado @aykxz98 @kayden666

@unhinged-reader-36 @miss-mistinguett @keiva1000 @cherryofdeath @enfppuff

@berarenado @saoirse06 @ninman82 @no-oneelsebutnsu @thewulf

@lxblm @ferns-fics @ooldcardigan @beebeechaos @enarien

@sw33tsnow @kessi-21 @makayla-666 @lifes-project @burn1ngw00d

@heeheehoohoohahahihi @lulurubberduckie @ravenpoe67 @jade1605 @contractedcriteria

@lovely-ateez @gingergirl06 @kidd3ath @leed-bbg @blackhawkfanatic

@suhmie @tulipsun-flower @ghosts-hoe @jaggersinclair @nomercyforthewarrior

@dakotakazansky @talooolaaloolla

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mediumtires · 3 months ago

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Do you think Christian notices Toto's first grey hairs in the same way Toto noticed Christian needed a haircut? Like they're bickering over something stupid and maybe Toto turns around or something and Then Christian is absolutely Going To Cry because Toto has grey hairs and he's in love with him

AHHHHHHHH YES THIS!!!!!!!

the moment christian realises he’s absolutely a broken man. like the way toto’s hair was ALWAYS dark, it has always been dark, no matter his age, literally no signs of aging to that man except for maybe the one million lines on his face but still! christian’s aging was much more visible, first the hair, then the glasses, when toto just kind of. stayed the same. so the moment christian sees it, it’s over for him.

the eyelashes were first. it’s such a minor, small detail that he barely even notices until one morning he wakes up before him and sees one or two single eyelashes just. white.

but the hair? oh jesus. christian is The First to notice.

“Did you use dry shampoo this morning or something?”

“What? Dry shampoo? What is that?”

“Darling…” Christian almost can’t believe it. “Toto, I think you’re going grey.”

“What?”

Christian’s thumb brushes the cowlick at the back of Toto’s head, watches as the hairs bend and follow before they fall back into shape. They’re losing colour, just in that spot, fanning out like a flower that’s slowly running out of ink, a brownish grey, some strands already fully white. Christian’s heart aches at the sight of it. He bends down and presses a kiss to the spot, lingers.

Toto shuffles out of his hold. His hand comes up to the spot Christian just kissed, rubs at it like he will be able to feel the grey or maybe rub it off.

Christian finds himself smiling, with heart shattering fondness, down at the man he loves more than anything in the world.

He reaches out and finds Toto’s fingers, doesn’t push them away, just rubs at them, soothingly. “It’s finally happening, huh?”

“You need to take a picture and show me.”

Christian chuckles, and does. It’s right there, almost like white powder stuck to Toto’s roots, like dry shampoo that he didn’t comb out properly. Only it’s not that, it’s real, and it won’t go away. Christian knows all too well.

“How is this— Is it only this? Only that spot?”

“Yeah.” Christian brushes his fingers through Toto’s hair, checks the dark strands. Anywhere else he’s as dark as he used to be, perhaps a little lighter on top, at the back, but that’s from how much time he’s spent in the sun lately. He's had a stray white strand here and there, but this is new.

“How long has it been there?”

“I have no idea. I only just noticed.”

“How long do I have left do you think?”

Christian startles a laugh, smothers it to the wild mess of Toto’s hair when he wraps himself around him from behind, rests his forehead there. "Don't make it sound like that. It’s just grey hair, it doesn’t mean anything other than you getting even sexier. I'll have to come up with a new way to fight off all your suiters."

Toto scoffs the shortest little puff of amusement, but there’s a little edge to him. “You find this sexy? One little white patch? Sexy?”

“Very.” Christian presses another kiss to his head. “You'll be salt and pepper in no time."

“I’m so old.” Toto almost sounds disappointed.

“You’re my husband.”

Toto scrunches up his face, like he’s unwilling to give Christian this, even though it’s a winning argument. "And so old."

"I'm married to an old man," Christian agrees, lightly, just to be a shit, but then the meaning of his words hits him. "We said fifty more years, though, alright? At least. That's a done deal. We shook on it."

Toto looks up at him. Knows. Knows what he's saying, what he's not saying, right away.

“Fifty more years,” Toto echoes. Covers one of Christian’s hands with his own.

"At least," Christian says, serious.

Toto rolls his eyes, just a little. "At least, yes. But that is a very long time to be stuck with you."

"And you better be fucking grateful."

Toto's face morphs into a smile, so wide that his eyes close with it. He leans up for a kiss. Christian allows it. “I get it now," he tells him, one hand going back to his hair, brushing soft strands out of his forehead. “Why you get so riled up when I'm wearing my glasses.”

"I don't get riled up-" "Oh, now you're old and a liar, huh?"

#christian/toto #seven years #bro idek #does this make sense? prolly not #did i write it anyway? yes #should i be writing thesis?#no comment #asks

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novamariestark · 1 year ago

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I just read your Tallahassee story and omg it was incredible!!!!! Seriously that man hasn’t gotten enough love and you wrote him so perfectly.

If your taking requests for him using your prompt list I’d love #2. Like what you see? and maybe the reader is waiting for him wearing his hat and nothing else or whatever you have in mind for that prompt!

[A/N] This is my first request and I'm very nervous 😅. Thank you. Glad you liked it. I was actually worried that Tallahassee may be out of character despite me watching Zombieland on repeat. For research, of course, not just to stare at Tallahassee 😂

I agree that the internet is lacking Tallahassee content. I always found myself searching for it so I decided to write some myself.

Now this here kinda ended differently than I originally planned and I hope you enjoy it as much as the other one 😀.

Like What You See?

Summary: After 10 years, reader finally gets to wear the cowboy hat. But nothing else 😏

Warnings: possible cringe cause I'm still new to writing smut 😂, PIV, unprotected sex, 🔞, no use of y/n, slight age gap (Tallahassee is 45, reader is 33), slight dom!reader

Words count: 1915

There it was. Just sitting there. That one accessory that he always wore. But in the 10 years you’ve been with him, not once had you worn it. But it was almost always glued to his head. Except now. Now it was just resting on the bed post. Why hadn’t you worn it? You had thought about it, but you never did. But before you knew it, your hand was reaching for it and lowering it onto your head. As you tucked a few stray hairs under the rim, you couldn't help but feel curious about what your loving cowboy would think of you wearing his hat. Does it look as sexy on you as it did on him? A small smirk rested on your face. Why don't you find out?

You bite your lip as you look at yourself in the mirror. Envisioning exactly what you want to do and what you want to happen. Knowing he’d be back soon, you began to strip yourself of your pj’s, which wasn’t that much to begin with. Just one of Tallahassee’s shirts and your thin piece of underwear. Tallahassee didn’t mind that at all.

Now wearing but your man’s hat, you looked at yourself in the mirror again. Years ago, before Tallahassee, you avoided seeing your naked body. You hated it. But Tallahassee had a way of making you feel gorgeous. At first you thought it was because it was slim pickings nowadays and you were the only girl for miles, he could fuck that wouldn’t try to eat him. But he loved you, and even ten years later, he still finds small ways to show just how much he does.

Underneath his sexy, tough exterior was an even sexier, softer man with a heart larger than life. He was someone who didn’t want to get attached because the pain of someone literally being torn from his life was too much. He didn’t want to feel that again. But boy did you fuck up his plan. He couldn't help himself from being pulled towards you by some invisible force.

The softer side of him worshiped you, your body and just everything you. In his eyes you were perfect, you were beautiful. You were his entire world. His other side was reserved for the times you’d purposely torture him at times when he couldn’t do a damn thing to stop you. Your hand exploring him under the dinner table or under a blanket whilst you were watching a movie with the others. You knew exactly what you were doing, and you knew you would receive your “punishment” later on in the confines of your shared bedroom.

Tonight, you were hoping for the latter.

You smiled to yourself when you heard a low whistle. Over your shoulder in the mirror, you could see your boyfriend, standing there, his eyes wide as he took in your naked appearance. His eyes travelled up and down your body, taking in every curve. The way your hips swayed as you moved, your tight stomach, and your full, round breasts had him mesmerized.

"Like what you see, baby?" you asked with a look of innocence swimming in your eyes. His eyes scanned over your body once more before returning to yours. You could feel his gaze burning into your soul like a lighthouse beacon in the dark night sky. His initial shock when he entered the room had dissolved and been replaced by something else. Something animalistic. He slowly stepped towards you, like a predator stalking its prey. His pupils seemed to grow darker as he stepped closer and closer. You could feel the tension between you two as if it were a living, breathing organism.

Now just inches from your body, he couldn't help but run his fingers through your hair and down your arm. His touch was electric, like a current running through your veins. You couldn't help responding with shivers of excitement and anticipation of his next move. He finally let out a small smile and mumbled 'Uh huh' as he reached forward, tracing his finger along your collarbone before it travelled lower, flowing down between your breasts like a river.

Tallahassee closed his eyes and let out a deep groan of pleasure that echoed throughout the room while he imagined you on top of him, riding him like a wild stallion. He envisioned your dark hair tousled and wild in the air as you dug your hands into his shoulders, laughing as you bent down to place a light kiss on his lips.

His hand quickly snaked around your waist and pulled your naked skin against his fully clothed body. A moan fell from your lips as the roughness of his jeans brushed against your exposed core.

“I leave you alone for five minutes,” he whispered in your ear, his lips attached themselves to your neck, gently grazing your skin with his teeth, before tenderly nipping, and sucking at the sensitive flesh. Your body trembled as his fingers travelled down your back with light caresses.

His hands found their way to your ass, giving your cheeks a squeeze before slapping one of them, making you yelp out in surprise. You giggled as you felt him smirk against your neck before biting it, eliciting another moan out of you. But this wasn’t how it was supposed to go. Not yet at least.

You take hold of his hands, unwrapping his arms from you and slowly drawing them away. Your eyes never leaving Tallahassee’s. As you run your hands to the hem of his shirt, you feel a current of electricity pass between you. You pull the shirt up and over his head, discarding it on the floor. The passion in his gaze intensifies, making your heart pound. You slide your fingers around the leather belt of his jeans and unbuckle them. You feel your knees tremble as you take a step back to look at him, giving yourself some distance to gather your composure before continuing. You slowly draw the zipper down and feel the warmth of his skin through the denim. You guide the jeans and boxers to his ankles until he stands in front of you, bare and beautiful. His captivating eyes holding your gaze. You take a deep breath as you rise back up from your knees.

You placed your hands on his chest, pushing him backwards until his legs hit the bed. You smirked at him and gave him a push, making him fall backwards on the bed. You had just turned the tables on him. You licked your lips as you took him in. Sprawled on the bed, watching you intently and waiting for your next move. Did you look this sexy like this? No wonder he couldn’t stop fucking you.

You lifted one leg off the floor and swung it over his hips, bringing the other to rest on the other side of his hips. Your wetness kissed his hardening cock as you brought your mouth down to his, your tongues wrestling for dominance. Usually, a battle Tallahassee won, and you let him. But tonight, you wanted to be in control. Tallahassee’s mind was going a hundred miles an hour. Was his vision earlier about to come true? He surrenders, eager to see what you were going to do. You pull away, sitting up, your nails dragging down his chest. Your hands grab his, placing them on your shoulders before sensually moving them down your body. The roughness of his fingertips making your skin tingle. You rock your hips, needing friction against your clit. Tallahassee’s hands rest on your thighs as he watches your face scrunch up with pleasure. You were practically using him to get yourself off and it was as if you put a spell on him because he couldn’t tear his eyes away.

Your hips continue moving against his growing member, coating it in your wetness. When you can no longer take your own teasing, you lift yourself up on your knees just enough to slip your hand between your bodies. Your hand clutched around his red, throbbing member and guided it to your awaiting hole. You placed your hands back onto his chest, your nails digging in as you sank down, swallowing him up inside you. Moans and curses fell from both your lips. You allowed yourself a few moments before you started moving your hips up and back down in the most excruciatingly slow pace that you could take.

Tallahassee groaned, as he realised you were going to tease him like he does to you. You were in complete control, and you loved it. You increased your speed as you rode him. The sight of him writhing beneath you was enough to drive you wild. You rocked back and forth, your tits bouncing in sync with every force you exerted upon him.

“Don’t fucking stop, darlin',” he groaned, his hands tightly gripping your waist as you continued your movements. His breath ground to a halt whenever you rolled your hips.

Tal's gaze was transfixed on your face as it twisted in pure bliss. Waves of pleasure rippled through you making you tremble and gasp, “Tal, I'm gonna...” you gasped loudly, no longer caring who heard you.

“I know, darlin',” he said with a satisfied smirk. His grip was strong on your hips as he felt your walls clenching around him, squeezing his cock, ready to milk him for all he’s worth.

You felt the fire rising within you and with one last cry, you felt as if you exploded. Pleasure ripped through you like a sudden surge of electricity. You could tell by his heavy breathing that Tallahassee was close but not quite there, so you tried to continue but despite your best efforts your legs gave way, and you collapsed on top of him.

Tallahassee takes over and with whatever bit of strength he had left, he wraps his arms around you and pulled you close. You moan out loud at the new angle. He drives his cock into you with more force. The sound of wet skin slapping, and moans fill the night air. His hands run swiftly up your back, until they meet your neck, pressing ever so slightly into your skin. His hands then grip tightly around your shoulders and he roughly pushes your body to meet his halfway, your hips crashing together and soon you can sense another orgasm fast approaching as your body began shaking.

The strength, the speed, the angle, was soon too much to bear. Your second orgasm hit you harder than the first, much stronger than the first. That feeling of you coating him with your cream alone pushed him over the edge and he released inside you, completely filling you up.

You took his hat off and reached over to place it back where it was before you curled up beside him, still wrapped in his safe embrace but feeling empty from the sudden loss of him.

“Fuck. Why have we not done that before?” he asked with a laugh.

“You liked it?” you asked, looking up at him shyly. Your confidence from before now gone and insecurity began to settle in your mind.

“I loved it, darlin’,” he replied, pressing a soft kiss to your forehead. He bought a finger up to your face, gently moving the stray hairs glued to your forehead, “It looks so much better on you,”

You let out a laugh, “I doubt that,”

#reader insert #female reader #zombieland #tallahassee x reader #tallahassee

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batsforbadones · 2 years ago

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creepypasta headcanons (from a slasher blog? more likely than you think)

I know you all didn’t follow me for Creepypasta content but I didn’t want to make a new account, and I need to get some head canons across. also I picked the tumblerest aesthetic image i could find for each one to really channel that energy.

trying to get a feel for them, be easy plz. I haven’t written for them in years.

Based on the fandom perceptions of the creepypastas rather than real lore.

TW: SUBSTANCE ABUSE/ SA/ ED/ SH JEFF THE KILLER

-Mega Mall Goth ass beat. Listens compulsively to Marilyn Manson. Had a third wave sexuality experience when KILL4ME was released. -Addicted to Heroin because he thinks it makes him sexier. Has extreme delusions of grandeur. Believes he’s a new age god that is meant to be worshipped- Essentially believes he’s some form of reincarnated Aphrodite. In actuality its more like the modern day Narcissus, or Dorian Gray, suffering constantly with a news cast image of himself that he just sees getting uglier and uglier -”They never get my fucking smile right. I swear they’re editing it- They’re like, fucking editing it-” -Severe Body Dysmorphia. He can’t perceive his body. He can barely perceive his face when he’s in the process of healing. It’s all lacquer to him- Iridescent. He doesn't view this as a bad thing, but on the rare occasion he can perceive his body, he’s disgusted, and mutilates it in an attempt to repurpose what he views as simply “an unfavorable medium” -Very into body mods. He views his smile this way- further perfecting a craft. He has piercings and the ink and the works- Most shops don't blind twice about his appearance, often applauding the look. -Contrary to his living legend, Jeff was neve able to fully burn off his lids. He tried, and just ended up nuking his lashes. He does find that lack of hair to be appealing, though, and often keeps the rest of his body, save for his head, in a similar shape. A lot of it struggles to grow hair because of the scar tissue anyways. -Never got the chance to grow out of his edgy, 14, and deep phase. Curses compulsively. With every breathe the word Fuck, Bastard, Cunt, Bitch, or some other new fun word will come spilling out. -Chronically straight. like, obsessively straight. Very into the most typical looking women because ‘metal is a mans topic’ (he literally only knows 4 Metallica songs) and if he very much has that ‘they’re too easy to manipulate’ -He’s always chronically chasing women he can’t have.

EYELESS JACK

-Daddy Kink Haver. Proper dominant, educated man. -I think he’d be older. Not Hannibal. This isn't about Hannibal. Jack is more breakable, pliable. He’s demanding and domineering, and he sneers and snaps his teeth like a dog. He bites in bed. He pulls hair. He’s borderline animalistic when he consumes, and yet surgical and steel when he slices. -He doesn’t prepare meals. He eats it raw. He’d find the flavor- the specialty of the meat to be tainted by spices and herbs. He just needs the meat. -Complex form of OCD. He doesn't need to be clean. He’s not really put together. He’s got a five o’clock shadow, a hoodie that smells like copper, and a bizarre itch in his own kidneys. If he doesn’t remove someone's, he’ll be forced to remove his own- And he only has the left one left. -Tall. Not wide. Lean. He’s got a cock that drags across the ground. Uncircumcised. And he walks with the tilt to prove it. -And he sweats, and groans, and there’s this sense about him that he’s only living off adrenaline and coke. -A severe sadist. The kidney eating has little to nothing to do with this. Those are urges in his organs. The choice to get a medical PHD has everything to do with this, though. Watching people writhing on gurneys when they come in for emergency? Gorgeous. Erection driving. -Also, has a PHD. It’s DOCTOR Eyeless Jack to you. -Goes by Eyeless Jack purely due to a newspaper misprint and a well placed note. He committed an act of enucleation, and instead of the multiple missing kidneys from previous LIVING victims, he’s only known for this? Humans are so weirddddd.

TICCI TOBY

-A lot quieter than he’s made out to be, only really mumbling out things here and there- however, notably, when he’s loud hes l o u d. -The better descriptor of how he behaves would be self harmingly neurotic. Sometimes other harmingly neurotic. Charmingly, neurotic. His neurosis has very little to do with his tourettes. It has everything to do with his mania. He’s always on an upper, and the way he moves proves it. He’s borderline animalistic with his motions. He doesnt walk anywhere, he either bolts or stomps. He finds urges to burn things a little too frequently- -If you both to get close enough without his mask on, you’ll see that he’s actually mumbling--- all the time. It’s almost like a consistent chitter of his teeth. Like a weird, fucked up rattle. -One of his main tics is pulling his jaw scar. It’s a hook motion, and he yanks down and it leaves the area constantly raw. He would prefer to not speak, but then again, he isn’t really given the option. -He tweets like a bird. “WooHoo~” -A consistent problem with his schizo-affective ass is that he’s subjective to equally grandiose delusions when having episodes. Like Jeff, he often finds himself gagging on the kitchen floor, struggling to cope with the fact that he’s disgustingly mortal. Like, Jeff is- bad- Toby’s consciously bad. It’s like the second he became aware of Slenderman being-- real- any form of humanity drained from him. It’s not like he had a disorder to blame it on anymore. A real dude was just-- making him act like this. It wasn’t in his head, what was he to do against an eldritch horror? -lays... incredible pipe. Insane levels of pipe. He’s hypersexual with the audacity to have a thing for anal. He’s awful. awful. He can go for hours- -But its not like he feels anything. He struggles to feel anything emotionally to begin with- and physically, literally. -The act of sex is bizarrely calming to him. Rhythmic. It’s like a hypnotic form of self care for him. He can zone out for hours- It’s not like he becomes aware when he’s rubbed his dick raw- or your internal organs.

#creepypasta x you #creepypasta x reader #jeff the killer x reader #jeff the killer x you #eyeless jack x reader #eyeless jack x you #ticci toby x reader #ticci toby x you #creepypasta smut

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spider-man-2o99 · 2 years ago

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y'see the thing that ain't nobody ever tells you, before y'get your bullheaded little bitch-ass Spidered in a goddamn Spidering Machine. the thing they don't shockin' tell you, man

the thing they don't tell you is that, one day, your funny little comic book'll end up getting popular enough you also get to cross over with the FIRST Spider-Man. by 2099, he's shrouded in legend! one of the first, and last, of the enduring juggernauts throughout the long-since past age of heroes--!

so. you get to actually MEET him, Spider-Man(!), more famously assassinated than Abraham-goddamn-Lincoln, in-PERSON and at his PRIME, and he compliments your costume--literal actual Real Spider-Man!--so in an attempt to Look Cool you respond “thanks i bought it for 20% off at Party City and it is the only thing i own that my cursèd touch cannot Blindly Destroy.,” and then SPIDER-MAN (Living Spider-Man!!!!!), of course, as perfect and heroic as every legend ever painted him, ever, he just laughs and puts an arm around your shoulders jovially and says “ayyy lmao thanks for the save miggy m' main man. you're one of my wifes now lol,” and then before you can ask what that MEANS the shocking TIME-STREAM collapses and everything goes back to normal except now you are the only living human(/spider hybrid) on the planet that has actually has actually SEEN THE SPIDER-MAN'S fat juicy fucking ass (iconic and famous for a Reason) (nothing sexier than receptive bitches with rotund thoraxes indicating a state of well-fedness and minimal risk of sexual cannibalism) in well nearly a hundred years, and you Get It now you Get what the ships of Troy were launched for And Then The Blood Goes Back To Your Brain And You Have Just Finished Duct-Taping Over The Mouth Of A New Secret For The Dark And Shameful Many Secrets Box

and THEN, to top it all off, when you tell your (ex-)fiancée you're calling off the engagement because you are not in love with her (Also She Is Dating Your Biological Father But Whatever You Aren't On Adderall When You Can't See Something It Simply Ceases To Exist Until Necessarily Relevant Again) somehow YOU'RE the asshole by the time the news about it reaches your loved ones and now your brother's mad TOO--

#migposting #spider-man #spider-man 2099 #spiderman 2099 #miguel o'hara #long #long post #please find this funny instead of extremely off-putting please find this funny instead of extremely off-putting #PLEASE find tjis #funny instead of extremely off-putting #mig is just a guy and i love that about him he is just some Unhappy Kinda-Weird Kinda-Loser (<- overflowin w/ earnest affection)#sorry actually Not Readmore-ing this outta commitment to the Bit

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popentertainment-moviereviews · 2 months ago

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THE SUBSTANCE (2024)

Starring Demi Moore, Margaret Qualley, Dennis Quaid, Hugo Diego Garcia, Phillip Schurer, Joseph Balderrama, Tom Morton, Robin Greer, Oscar Lesage, Alexandra Barton, Tiffany Hofstetter, Gore Abrams, Vincent Colombe, Robin Greer, Oscar Salem, Jordan Ford Silver, Jiselle Henderkott, Gregory Defleur, Philip Schurer and Tom Morton.

Screenplay by Coralie Fargeat.

Directed by Coralie Fargeat.

Distributed by Mubi. 140 minutes. Rated R.

Well, it started off well, that’s something, right? In fact, the body horror satire The Substance was actually kind of interesting for the first half of its running time, before spinning out irretrievably and becoming just absolutely fucking ridiculous.

Which is kind of a shame, because in a rare current leading role, Demi Moore actually is very brave and terrific in a rather complicated role here. She plays Elisabeth Sparkle (really???), an aging former actress who has now become a household name as the host of a popular daily aerobics show on TV. (By the way, in what strange alternate universe are there still popular daily aerobics shows on TV in the new millennium? Most people these days get their exercise shows online.)

It has an interesting concept – how people hit a certain age and lose their confidence and are willing to do just about anything to regain their youth and beauty.

On her fiftieth birthday, Elisabeth is unceremoniously fired from her show by her complete slimeball of a boss because she has gotten too old. Dennis Quaid chews scenery as the exec so insanely much that his performance is almost distracting, however Quaid is a good actor and I’m sure he was told to go so far over the top.

After a shoehorned in automobile accident (which really seems to only have happened to get Elisabeth into the hospital), a young and handsome orderly gives her a thumb drive which has information about “The Substance,” a mysterious serum which can make anyone younger and more beautiful. Of course, the information never quite explains exactly what The Substance is, how it works, or what kind of side effects it has. (And believe me, it has some serious side effects.)

However, Elisabeth is intrigued and gets a kit to give it a try. Even once she has decided to try it, the instructions are rather vague and honestly, even from the very start it seems to be much more of a hassle than it is probably worth. You can only be the young version of you for seven days at a time, and then you have to spend seven days as the normal you. When the substance is taken, the younger, sexier version literally bursts out of the original body, through the back. (And since they are two different versions of the same person, the other version has to lay comatose for the week it is not the dominant being.)

The new improved version of Elisabeth is Sue (Margaret Qualley), a gorgeous, insanely built and naturally charming young woman. As Sue, she gets back the hosting job of the exercise show and becomes a star. (Again, in what odd alternate universe can someone become famous doing an aerobics TV show in the modern world?)

However, it becomes a battle of wills between the two versions of the woman, with Sue gets so wrapped up with herself that she starts to go over her allotted time, Elisabeth is the one who starts to pay for breaking the rules.

Most of this, again, makes little or no sense, but I was willing to give The Substance the benefit of the doubt – for a while. And then it all goes so, so, so wrong. As the gore and ridiculous plot points start to explode in on the characters (and the audience), the story becomes so fucking strange and over-the-top that eventually you’re either going to buy into it or not – and I most certainly did not.

The work of David Cronenberg and Quentin Tarantino obviously inspired Writer/director Coralie Fargeat. Sadly, her storytelling is not nearly as good as either of those filmmakers. She allows her film to go so far off the rails that by the time it was over (and it’s nearly two and a half hours long) I had lost most of my patience for these ridiculous people and the stupid harm they bring upon themselves and others and the world at large.

Jay S. Jacobs

youtube

#The Substance #2024 #Movie Review #Demi Moore #Jay S. Jacobs #Youtube

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sexiestpodcastcharacter · 1 year ago

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Sexiest Podcast Character — Unscripted Bracket — Round 3

Propaganda

Amber Gris (The Adventure Zone: Ethersea):

Middle aged woman who punches sharks to death. My hero

If you love me you'll vote for amber gris I swear to everything holy on earth amen

Amber is butch, instant win

Vote Amber Gris <3

Ibex (Friends at the Table: COUNTER/Weight):

Ibex is the confident, ambitious, and charming (manipulative) candidate for the Divine mech Righteousness. He wears a red suit and a floral scent, and always looks extremely put together and sexy.

Ah, the classic choice between literally who? and one of the hottest men ever described

Ibex literally menaces the entire cast of COUNTER/Weight and remains a sexy bastard the ENTIRE TIMEA He is the TIME PROVEN STANDARD of an Austin Walker Boyfriend Character. Do it for Austin Walker.

Ibex's character was created to fulfill the description "seductress." He haunts the narrative. He's incredibly good at schemes. His whole shtick is that he's the one guy who didn't die young piloting a cool mech. The other characters hate him so much but in like a hot begrudging way. The person who plays him said the following which is so fucking funny:

#Round 3 #Amber Gris #Ibex #Ibex F@tT #The Adventure Zone #TAZ Ethersea #Friends at the Table #COUNTER/Weight

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mermaidsirennikita · 1 year ago

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Caro's August Book Rec Wrapup

Books! I read a lot of them in August, as I read a lot of them in basically every month because wow life is life.

I really loved beginning (still have two books left!) Kristen Callihan's Darkest London series. It was all the Gothic romance + paranormal + historical romance trends + hot sex shit I want out of historical paranormals. I also knocked out two great queer ARCs, Fly with Me by Andie Burke and A Nobleman's Guide to Seducing a Scoundrel by KJ Charles. And I conquered a classic. Check out the recs!

Firelight by Kristen Callihan.

I love historical romance. I love paranormal romance. So it's no surprise that I love both; but I really can't emphasize how excited I am about this series. It's a bit dark, a lot adventurous, and lushly romantic with a solid dose of angst. You have a tortured hero who ruined himself in pursuit of immortality, the innocent but bold heroine he can't resist (who has a big secret of her own) and this really Gothic vibe that I find irresistible. I am. Obsessed.

Moonglow by Kristen Callihan.

Although I do think they definitely benefit from being read in order, the Darkest London series can technically be read as standalones. I'm so super impressed by this series, and Moonglow is such a standout. Even stronger than the first book, it's funny and hot and heartbreaking. You're basically pairing the two slutty, slutty side characters from the previous book, bringing in some werewolf politics and trauma (and an extremely hot carriage scene) and topping it off with some of the most romantic shit I've ever read. Such a good werewolf book. Such a good romance novel. I was riveted, and I was surprised by some of the bold swings this book took. An absolute banger.

Baron by Joanna Shupe.

One of the funnier, sexier "rich upper crust man can't believe he's falling in love with a poor" books I've read. Will Sloane is in fact... kind of the worst, but in a way that's both sexy and endearing. And I really appreciated that, as a heroine, Ava was undeniably susceptible to his charms--but very aware of her personal responsibilities, and self-respecting enough to take control of the situation. Also, love the backdrop of the medium frenzy in Gilded Age America.

Winterblaze by Kristen Callihan.

My new favorite marriage in trouble book, made all the better by the fact that there's like... a Rumplestiltskin issue involved? here, we have a very hardcore, very mercenary heroine and the man she's been married to for fourteen fucking years and really had no idea what was going on in her personal life. They love each other deeply; and their love is deeply complicated. He withholds himself out of anger, and then loses his shit when she wears a pink dress because the pink of the gown against the red of her hair reminds him of her vagina, and he sure does lOVE that vagina. It's amazing and I severely recommend it.

Shadowdance by Kristen Callihan.

This series is nothing but winners; and this book takes a darker turn, as, heads up, both the hero and heroine are survivors of sexual assault, among other things. He's hard-edged and determined to protect her from The Truth, which makes him quite a bit of a dick, and she's secretive and cool and remote, but also desperate to Know him. It's an angsty, at points difficult read, but still quite impressive.

Evernight by Kristen Callihan.

A demon man is turned into a mech-type atrocity by a woman who was forced to act, and is now bound to said woman because her touch is very literally the only thing that soothes his mind and body. Fucking amazing premise and she follows through. Will calling Holly "My Evernight"? Lol I'm fucking gone. Ill-advised sex, cage fight adventures, orgasmic biting, an incredibly tense last 25% or so where I was near tears because how will they work this shit out??? Yes yes yes.

In Which Margo Halifax Earns Her Scandalous Reputation by Alexandra Vasti.

A fabulously funny and sexy debut novella which you can get for free (along with the other Halifax novellas) on Alexandra's website! The thing I love about Margot is that she is kind of in a state of arrested development, which is rare to find in heroines, especially historical heroines. Like, she should be progressing a lot faster than she is. She needs to grow the fuck up; but she doesn't quite know how. It's honestly a pretty affirming messy girl book in that sense. But it also perfectly encapsulates not only how important pacing is in a romance, but the aching, pining yearning of a good brother's best friend book. Henry wants this crazy bitch so bad. It's glorious. God bless him.

In Which Matilda Halifax Learns the Value of Restraint by Alexandra Vasti.

Controversial but brave--this one may have worked for me even more. Which, shocker, I prefer the one with the (light) BDSM and the grumpy older hero. But the romance had me sold as soon as it became clear that Matilda is a Secret Freak and this older gentleman is soooo into it and sooooooo guilty about that. The terse note exchanges, the play, the cat shenanigans, Matilda hiding out at this scary man's big house. Just. Loved it. So much.

Salt in the Wound by Sierra Simone.

This prequel novella to Sierra's upcoming Lyonesse trilogy should be required reading before said trilogy. It's rich, it's dark, it's intensely erotic, and it establishes a fascinating push-pull between the kind of calculating and kind of innocent Isolde and the threatening, but alluring man she's being forced to marry. Mark is... a fucking lot. And in a lot of ways I think this book is a good intro to Sierra's ouvre, because it's on the shorter side, it's very much entrenched in her world, and it's a little taboo but nothing compared to say, her Thornchapel series. It's extremely hot, extremely angsty, and I can't wait for the rest of the series.

Snow Place Like L.A. by Sierra Simone and Julie Murphy.

I really like these Christmas Notch books. They're so cute and, even when they aren't super Christmassy like this one, weirdly festive. The kind of romcoms I enjoy, where much sex is had and the vibe is cheery but emotional. This is a m/m second chance novella, with a very good bathtub scene, much love for romcom excellence, and a satisfying conclusion in every sense.

Fly with Me by Andie Burke. ARC; read my full review here.

Kiss of Steel by Bec McMaster.

McMaster creates a really interesting paranormal-steampunk world, where there are monsters everywhere and a social structure curving around them. I really enjoy a "heroine sells her soul to scary hero to save her family but then it turns out he's like, obsessed with her" setup, which is what this book has. There's vampiric eroticism, a hero with a cockney accent named BLADE who actually is extremely soft for the heroine (except not where it counts). It's very solid.

Heart of Iron by Bec McMaster.

In some ways I liked this one more than Kiss of Steel, because the hero is a vIRGINAL WEREWOLF BODYGUARD and the heroine is a flirty debutante type who's in way over her head. It's a great clash of uptight man x flighty girl, and there's a lot of tension because... the werewolf virus can be spread through sex, and if she gets the virus she probably won't survive. So they can't have sex. But they really want to have sex (and there is a great scene where they get creative). A great setup, love werewolf STIs.

A Nobleman's Guide to Seducing A Scoundrel by KJ Charles. ARC; read my full review here.

Knockout by Sarah MacLean.

My favorite Hell's Belles book yet, because Tommy Peck can absolutely not handle this whirlwind of a woman who literally blows up his life. While there is a plot arc and all that, this book is very focused on the romance and character development, which I love. Imogen is such an amazing heroine, and Tommy fully rises to the occasion (in every sense). I also really love the scene where he has to suck on her tits in front of people ("has to") because they're pretending to be a sex worker and a john, bye.

In Which Winnie Halifax is Utterly Ruined by Alexandra Vasti.

The Halifax brother gets his book, and he is! Hot! This is a "I didn't know I had a wife" book, which I love, and the heroine is a sheep farmer? How fun. Because Winnie isn't quite as fucking balls out insane as Margo or Matilda, I think this is probably my least favorite of the trilogy, but it's still really fucking good. Our hero is both sweet and hot, a difficult combination, and he's younger than her? SCANDALE! Lovely, romantic, so good.

Scandalous Passions by Nicola Davidson.

A quick, super hot Tudor-era FFM menage romance with a sizable helping of femdom. One heroine is a domineering, sexually liberated widow who used to be the king's mistress and is now being booted from court by his wife; the other is a shy but curious virgin who's been locked in a convent all her life. Their escort? A big dangerous knight guy who's actually a FUCKING SWEETHEART and doesn't want to talk a lot because of his stutter. Which. My fucking heart. Lachlan. He got me immediately, and his relationship with Janet and Marjorie was kind of incredible. They all fall in love with each other, to be clear, and it's both super sexy and remarkably pure. I loved it.

Two Wrongs Make a Right by Chloe Liese.

This is one of those fake dating contemporary setups which is objectively insane, but it's a retelling of Much Ado About Nothing so it's fine I'm good with it. Adding to the story is a hero whose tenseness is actually anxiety, and a heroine on the spectrum with sensory issues. It's quite sweet and the writing has a brisk, refreshing tone I liked a lot. The last quarter or so does have a contrivance I wasn't a fan of, but I still came away from the book really liking it, which is difficult for me with normal contemporaries.

Flowers from the Storm by Laura Kinsale.

I've loved every one of the three Kinsale books I've read (and I'm taking it slow... she only has about a dozen books out and doesn't seem to write anymore) and while Shadowheart remains my favorite... Holy shit, this is so good. A masterpiece. Beautifully written, gorgeously romantic, hot in a unique way I can't even get into... (Suffice to say, if you have a thing for when a religious heroine is corrupted~ by a slutty slutty man, you'll like this.) It's everything people hyped it up to be and more.

Give the Devil His Duke by Anna Bradley.

I went into this with no concept of Bradley or her work, and it was so good! Not super complex in terms of plot, but with enough heft to make it matter. Funny, sexy, and it sold the rake hero who has his big Clueless "I'M BUTT CRAZY IN LOVE WITH JOSH [FRANCESCA]" moment only after he basically pitches himself to the floor begging her to stay with him. I had a very good time, and I'm happy to have found a new author.

#romance novel blogging #book recs #arc reviews #netgalley #books #book reviews

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narwhalandchill · 1 year ago

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FINALLY FINISHED 4.1 AQ!!!!! (General thoughts also Lot of childe thoughts + 4.1 spoilers obvi and 4.2 leaks warning, LONG)

ok OK OK that was actually insane holy fuck. i was mad initially when childe lacking voicelines in 4.1 leaked but like bro was Still a central character im cool! im cool! keep it up in 4.2!!!!

FIRSTLY. i was fucking right i KNEW the oratrice was ALWAYS onto childe being connected to the primordial sea through 'it' GOD the sheer fucking amount of "theories" i saw that were like oh its all just arlecchinos machinations nothing abyssal whale is an easter egg (?) childes poor mood is bc hes drugged with sinthe by arle (??????) etc etc etc. eat my fucking ass. i saw this shit coming YEARS ago i knew i fucking knew.

honestly its just like my dearest ajax to minmax his K/D ratio to the point that he becomes the murder weapon to a case that started when he was like 5 like what a legend. he is so talented. 🥰🥰🥰🥰

im still highkey on the copium camp that the leaked humanoid phase of the ptahur fight wouldnt literally be childe tho. unironically mostly bc i think its simply a crime against him to let foul legacys visual design AND ptahurs whale design serve cunt that hard only to do the ugliest most generic possible rectangle shaped dark armor guy for A Boss Fight. Like cmon. the purple cyclops look with the flowing galaxy cape and fluffy collar was The Shit. give us extra galaxy effect pastel purple water-y polar star motif-y foul legacy design for childes magical girl powerup not That. tho if childes only gonna look ugly before he asserts his claim over the whales power and then gets a cunty powerup then all is forgiven 🥰

AND WE SAW THE WHALE I WAS LITERALLY GIDDY WATCHING THE CUTSCENE. knew it was coming bc i spoiled myself on purpose by watching it on yt i Had to see it but. ITS SO GOOD. God. and then 4.2 we will fight them both??? & the boss title is "devourer of the stars"???? like its so fucking abysspilled and real i feel like a starving middle ages peasant being fed from the royal banquet table ive waited SO LONG. foul legacy is called devouring deep and 'it' is Litetally titled devourer. this isnt a fucking coincidenceee im in love . WILF i said what i said

anyway i do agree that in terms of lore implications i dont think its unrealistic at all for it and its will to overwhelm ajax temporarily like that thing is the devourer of stars which. Might i remind people literally means devouring fate in the world of genshin and constellations. a world ending entity. but also at the same time this might be me being insane and abysspilled (always looking for a reason for apologism yk) but like. theres no direct confirmation either way whether ptahurs intentions with childe are really malicious at all. he awakened it, theyre linked and its calling for him and sure thats bad for fontainians' projected life expectancy but we cant assume much else. i mean childe was in the deep sea he might be snezhnayan so immune to anti french bathwater but bro couldve been drowning maybe the whale helped out a pal. and the music in the cutscene was more wonder than terror too? fanon guys are just coping bc they dont want childe to get worse when thats just much sexier Trust (she says, overtaken by constant paranoia that somehow theyll pull a 180 and damsel-ify him with no actual narrative weight or satisfaction for his arc ahahaha)

(but like me when i havent read tusk of monoceros caeli item desc and understood that the all-devouring desire to crush everything in his path like the solipsism represented by the image of a whale cruising through the celestial heights is very explicitly stated to be a part of himself childe chooses to gleefully embrace do not fucking try me you illiterates. sorry i got emotional for a sec back to 4.1)

AND LIKE NO I DID NOT MISS THAT NEUVILLETTE DID NEVER IN FACT CLAIM PTAHURS SENTENCE UPON FONTAINE WAS UNJUSTIFIED. JUST THAT IT WAS TOO HARSH. so like listen listen listen. (pulls up my abyss is justified the gods are false the sky is fake so bringing ruin upon the world in the greatest sin against an artificial system is actually making the sinner the one delivering heavenly justice---- conspiracy whiteboard) ANYWAY point is childe tartaglia ajax should get to torch celestia and im going to kiss him on the mouth when he does. No one @ me. but actually neuvillette genuinely APOLOGIZED for overturning ptahurs authority to deliver its sentence. im gonna read into this so hard it might be reaching but who am i if not behaving down bad horrendously about the abyss and the prospect of a cosmic eldritch entity shattering celestias world order into pieces,?? this is my Brand

act III has so much hate but i thought it was fine SJSJSKSJFKFIDKFK it did what it set out to do and it certainly isnt as interesting as act IV but it did So much of the foundational work for the next act and managed to work well enough. it got a bit repetitive so like no it wasnt perfect at all but idk when u go in with the right mindset its perfectly competent. but i can see it feel horrible when u Really just wanna get to the action parts so like its fine if ppl dislike it jsjajsk not too pressed either way

anyway i find it so cute how many people are reacting to travelers dreams of childes pov as this like omg theyre in sync and not like. An explicit confirmation that visions are mass surveillance tools p much 💀💀💀💀 like its not even ON HIM and he can still be tracked how is this endearing im so lost JSFFJSJSJ

honestly beyond the obvious childe brainrot its hard to even go off about just any specific character bc EVERYONE got it so good. chlorinde dodged the sara allegations im SO fucking happy for her!!! even if it wasnt that much its already far off from that travesty!!! her and wrios dynamic is so fucking funny i adore them and wasnt expecting it at all.

wrio is fucking GREAT! i absolutely lived for every single line of dialogue he had like mans literally the funniest person in fontaine. silver powercreep. but not just that bc hes actually so fucking good and interesting and intriguing and i loved the overall role he played. the whole power play he did w lyney and that entire confrontation played so well with both his and lyneys character im just. this was a certified banger. the house of hearth sibs were all great and lyneys characterization had So much depth and nuance i really liked the way he wasnt dropping his and lynettes backstory in 4.0 just to trauma dump but that it was all actual setup for his minor/major breakdown during act IV and that payoff was so worth it!!! arle chiding him for his pride too. listen to your dad lyney.

speaking of Whom.

oh my god oh my god arle arle arle. this woman had me actually fucking blushing like. Her ENERGY. The Poise. the Threat. the Pressure. the veneer of perfectly conducted civil friendliness that feels more threatening than if she just put a knife to my neck (which. she could. id thank her)??? how shes genuinely LIVID at furina and about the prophecy and just kept pressing at her?????? no woman in this goddamn game has had an effect like this on me i feel so weak im such a fucking dyke oh my god. HER VOICE. HER FUCKING VOICE. EVERY SENTENCE OUT OF HER MOUTH I WAS EATING IT UP. that like. idk how to even call it that like dry breathy quality to her voice is just?????? i was transfixed i was obsessed i was hypnotized.

and ofc she didnt really gaf about childe much SJAJSKSJFKSKSKDKD but like unironically funniest fucking mental image from this AQ was the concept of if arlecchino ever somehow got arrested in another nation CHILDE would be her attorney like. 😭😭😭😭😭😭 HELP (logically ik he would do fine lmao hes smart and literally feeds his ego by being good at his job you guys are just so fucking rude comparing him to 6d chess zhongli in liyue AQ. thats zhongli being too galaxy brain not anyone else being dumb)

honestly i love love love this fucked up strict but seemingly truly genuine in her own fucked up way parental figure that she appears to be?? like this isnt redeeming her this is making her interesting as fuck and i do love that. the fact that shes generally very reasonable and collected but that you can just Feel the danger lurking underneath is literally So attractive i might keel over.

and like FINALLY a nation where its not all the fatuis fault!!! well it is all childes fault (so proud of him. thats my man!!) but you get what i mean GSJSKDK. arlecchino actually offering up her cooperation at the end just feels so refreshing and nice like ahhh. feels good feels organic.

so. neuvillette is the reincarnated hydro sovereign. whos surprised. (silence) yeah fucking thought so. honestly neuvi was both incredibly interesting and good but also his clueless moments of not picking up on jokes and banter are So autistic like if i hadnt already pulled him by the point i started doing act IV i wouldve the second he started sharing his autism diagnosis with us. so like im ecstatic to have him both on my main and NA alt actually.

ALSO. Confirmed that gnoses are based on stolen authority from the sovereigns. as a scalie enthusiast i Always had a hunch sth like this was up but having it confirmed is fucking excellent. and like it feels very much like furina/focalors (r they separate ppl or not? Huh?? is the gnosis in the oratrice?) r gonna allow neuvillette to tackle the bathwater problem by surrendering the authority over hydro back to its rightful heir n thats prolly gonna be a part of how fontaine dodges the prophecy. but its still very hmmmmmm

sigewinnes traitor moment actually caught me off guard it was SO funny. like she was actually fooling us i loved that. sure she always had good intentions and everything but still iconic. in general just how wrio and gang outplayed us in the fortress of merupide was great like it just really emphasizes how bro Runs the place for real for real and it was excellent. the massive ship was kind of out of left field tho. inb4 ptahur just crushes that thing anyway lmaooooo

theres probably more still but uh this is already too long JSJSKSKDK anyway yes i did enjoy acts III and IV very much how did you notice. sorry for the length of this crazed frenzy but not sorry actually. it feels so nice to get fed finally. im so hype for 4.2.

edit: wait i forgor furina. honestly im not gonna lie i was too mesmerized by arlecchino to pay that much attention to her so sorry about that but like GAJSKDJDKDK she was great too!!!

#rambles #genshin

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