#he just wants to be FOOTBALL MAN and take care of the GREATEST HUSBAND EVER!!!

[boobo13cambridge]

Drifting Apart I | Kylian Mbappé

Pairing: Kylian Mbappé x f.Reader

Warnings: Angst, physical violence (Y/N slaps him)

Summary: Y/N and Kylian’s relationship is crumbling as they navigate the most difficult moments of their lives. Will they stay or fall apart due to the pressure?

A/N: Hello, everyone! This is the first time I’ve ever written angst, so I really hope you guys give it much love. As always don’t forget to like, comment, and repost! Enjoy, lovelies ❣️

Tired.

Exhausted.

Drained.

Three words that fully encompassed her emotions as she finally put the triplets to sleep after a long day of cleaning up dirty diapers and writing a thesis. Y/N felt close to tears as she felt overwhelming guilt for being worn out at taking care of her babies when she loved them with all her heart. To make matters worse, she and Kylian had been getting into a lot of arguments lately. She knew how important and stressful this year was for him, and in the back of her mind, she wished that they had waited a bit more before having kids.

After getting married in the summer of 2021, the young couple wanted to enjoy a few years together before starting a family. Getting married so young, at the ripe age of 20 and 22, came as quite a shock to some (which in her eyes didn't make sense because a lot of footballers had kids even younger), but they were in love, and despite their parents' skepticism, they tied the knot on July 12, 2021.

Fast forward a year, and Y/N found herself staring at the two dark lines indicating that she's pregnant. Getting pregnant a few months before the 2022 World Cup was definitely not part of the plan, but with the support of their families, they made it through somehow. Throughout her whole pregnancy, Kylian was the best husband any woman could ever ask for, always so attentive and understanding of her every need. When they found out they were having triplets, and all boys at that, Y/N almost had a mental breakdown because she could never in a million years understand how she could ever be a mom to one kid, let alone three. It took Kylian, her mom, and two nurses and a doctor to calm her down.

And needless to say, the triplets, or as Kylian loves to call them 'his perfect hat-trick,' were born on December 4, 2022, right when Kylian had scored two goals to qualify France for the quarter-finals. In all honesty, she really wished she could have just given birth in Doha, but she was under strict surveillance and wasn't allowed to travel. Needless to say, in the moment, she was quite happy that she was having a c-section instead of a normal birth but regretted that soon after as it took way longer to recover. Kylian was definitely devastated to have missed his sons' birth and was this close to booking a flight back to Paris. It took Marcus and Ousmane to calm him down and talk him out of it.

A couple of days after that, France lost the World Cup, which absolutely broke her heart, but she was happy that her husband would be by her side. Post-World Cup, Kylian Mbappé was a very attentive father and husband, but she knew how much the loss had affected him and tried her best to cheer him up. She was secretly glad he had injured himself because he would finally get a break from playing with such a shitty team. Now, back to the present, May 28th, 2024, Post-Transfer Kylian Mbappé was moody and had a frown permanently etched on his forehead.

Once again, she tried to understand, knowing he had so much pressure on his shoulders from transferring to Real Madrid. He was Kylian Mbappé, the current greatest footballer, and people never gave him a break, always demanding perfection every match. He had a huge burden to carry, with the fans pointing out every little mistake he made on the pitch. The Madridistas had long anticipated his transfer, and they were out for blood. If the fans were demanding, then Kylian was even more demanding of himself. It was like living with the shadow of her husband. Gone was the sweet man who would make her breakfast in bed and massage her feet. In his place was someone who only had one thing on his mind: winning everything.

La Liga, Copa del Rey, Supercopa de España, UEFA Champions League, Euros, Summer Olympic Games.

She was going crazy just thinking about it. Lately, it was as if the only thing on his mind was trophies, and she couldn't stand it. The day before the La Liga final, which was held at the Bernabeu just two days ago, Kylian had once again started an argument just because she told him that she was tired of putting his dirty clothes in the laundry and that he should do it himself. The argument was so bad that she didn't even want to be there at the last match of the La Liga season, but on the day of the match, Kylian had profusely apologized and begged, so she forgave him and came to see him lift the trophy. This morning, Kylian had woken up in a foul mood and just seemed to want to be an absolute dickhead. He nitpicked at everything she did before leaving for practice, loudly complaining that she had put too much protein powder in his shake.

The whole day, she tried to text him and call him, but he was ignoring her calls. She had had enough; she couldn't deal with it anymore. Time and time again, she had tried to be understanding, swallowing and smiling through every single complaint and whine he let out. So what if he had his first Champions League final with his new club in three days? She didn't deserve to be treated like such a nuisance.

As she went to the kitchen to grab something to drink, she broke down into sobs. It was too much. She hated feeling like she wasn't enough. Kylian hadn't kissed her, much less said, "I love you," before storming out. For months, all he did was complain, complain, and complain.

The young woman heard the door open and close, instantly recognizing her lover's footsteps. She tried to muffle her sobs so he wouldn't hear, but she forgot that the kitchen lights were on.

Kylian walked right through the archway leading to the kitchen and stopped in his tracks when he saw her teary face, instantly feeling guilty. He knew he had been treating her horribly these past few months and that he should stop, but he had been so stressed with everything that he took it all out on the love of his life and the mother of his children.

"Bébé, are you okay?" he asked slowly, approaching her and trying to wipe her tears, but she moved back. Her action pained him because he realized how much of a jerk he had been.

"What do you think? Do I look like I'm okay?" she snapped at him, wiping the tears with the back of her hand, her voice filled with frustration.

"I'm sorry, my love. I've been such an ass-" he said apologetically.

"Yes, you have! You have no idea what I've been going through because of you!" she replied angrily, her tone laced with resentment.

"Bébé, you have no idea how sor-" he tried to explain, but she cut him off.

"Save your fucking apologies, Kylian! I don't fucking care anymore. You've made me feel like the biggest piece of shit these past few months," she spat out, her words filled with bitterness.

"You know how stressed I've been with the transfer and-" he started to defend himself, but she interrupted him.

"AND SO YOU DECIDED TO TAKE IT OUT ON ME WHEN I-" she yelled, her tone conveying a mixture of anger and hurt.

"STOP INTERRUPTING ME! YOU HAVE NO IDEA WHAT I'VE BEEN GOING THROUGH WITH ALL THESE PEOPLE PUSHING THEIR EXPECTATIONS ON ME WHILE YOU SIT AT HOME-" he retorted, his voice tinged with frustration.

"SIT AT HOME? WHAT THE FUCK DO YOU EVEN DO THE WHOLE DAY EXCEPT KICK A FUCKING BALL AROUND WHILE I TAKE CARE OF THE KIDS, CLEAN THE HOUSE, COOK FOOD, WRITE MY FUCKING THESIS, WHICH YOU NEVER EVEN BOTHER ASKING ABOUT BECAUSE OF COURSE THE WHOLE FUCKING WORLD TURNS AROUND MR. HOTSHOT HIMSELF!"

"KICK A BALL AROUND ALL DAY? ME DOING THAT IS THE ONLY REASON WHY YOU SPEND THOUSANDS OF DOLLARS BUYING USELESS SHIT-" 

"I USE MY OWN MONEY TO BUY SHIT, YOU DICKHEAD! AND THE ONLY USELESS SHIT I BUY WITH YOUR MONEY IS CLOTHES AND FOOD FOR THE CHILDREN YOU KNOCKED ME UP RIGHT AFTER I GRADUATED! I'VE SACRIFICED SO MUCH FOR YOU-" 

"SACRIFICED?! WHAT HAVE YOU SACRIFICED FOR ME, HUH? STOP ACTING LIKE I KNOCKED YOU UP WHEN YOU WERE MORE THAN WILLING TO SPREAD YOUR LEGS FOR ME!" 

SLAP.

The sound reverberated through the kitchen, accompanied by a sharp sting on Kylian's cheek. Pain radiated through his face, mingling with the shock that coursed through his veins. His hand instinctively reached up to cradle his burning cheek, his eyes widening in disbelief. The room seemed to spin as he struggled to comprehend what had just transpired.

Y/N's expression mirrored his own disbelief, her eyes wide with horror at the consequences of her actions. Tears streamed down her face, mixing with the remorse that consumed her. She trembled, overwhelmed by the magnitude of what she had done. It was a moment of raw vulnerability, where the line between love and anger blurred into a haze of anguish.

"Kylian, I'm so sorry," she choked out, her voice quivering with remorse. Each word dripped with the weight of her regret, desperate to erase the irreversible damage she had caused.

His throat tightened, a turbulent mix of emotions swirling within him. The pain on his cheek competed with the anger that burned in his chest. He fought to find his voice, to process the torrent of thoughts that assailed his mind. The apology hung in the air, suspended between them, as he grappled with conflicting impulses.

Gulping down the lump in his throat, Kylian felt the anger surge within him, fueled by his own frustrations and insecurities. The relentless stress, anxiety, and guilt that had plagued him clawed their way to the surface, intertwining with the raw ache on his cheek. It was a toxic concoction that threatened to consume him, driving him to respond with his own fury.

But beneath the anger, a part of him acknowledged his own culpability. He was not blameless in this dance of discord. The weight of his actions pressed upon his conscience, intertwining with the pain on his cheek. The realization of his own flaws clashed with the indignation that simmered in his veins.

In that moment, Kylian made a choice. A choice to channel the anger, the hurt, and the guilt into something different. Instead of lashing out, he took a deep breath, summoning the last remnants of self-control. The anger flickered in his eyes, but he suppressed it, focusing on the vulnerability before him.

He approached Y/N slowly, his steps cautious and deliberate. His hand reached out, hesitantly, aiming to wipe away her tears, but she flinched, pulling back as if his touch were a reminder of her own transgressions. The ache in his heart matched the pain on his cheek, the longing to bridge the chasm that had formed between them.

Words hung unspoken, heavy with unexpressed emotions. They both knew that apologies alone were not enough to heal the wounds they had inflicted upon each other. The room remained steeped in anguished silence, punctuated only by the echoes of their shattered love.

As the weight of the moment settled upon them, Kylian and Y/N stood at a crossroads. A crossroads where anger and remorse converged, where past mistakes collided with uncertain futures. The path forward was shrouded in shadows, their once-solid foundation crumbling beneath the weight of their anguished hearts.

Time seemed to stand still in the wake of their confrontation, the air heavy with unspoken words and shattered expectations. The kitchen, once a sanctuary of shared laughter and intimate conversations, now felt like a battlefield, scarred by the aftermath of their verbal warfare. 

Kylian's gaze never wavered from Y/N, his eyes tracing the contours of her tear-streaked face. He longed to bridge the distance between them, to mend the rift that had widened with each bitter exchange. The ache in his heart intensified, a poignant reminder of the love that had once bound them together.

Y/N's body trembled with a mix of regret, fear, and a longing for reconciliation. The weight of her actions bore down on her, leaving her feeling small and vulnerable. She yearned for solace, for the reassurance that their love could withstand the tempestuous storm that raged within them.

With measured steps, Kylian closed the physical gap between them, his heart pounding with a mixture of trepidation and determination. He reached out once again, his hand hovering in the space between them, a silent plea for forgiveness and understanding.

Y/N hesitated for a moment, caught in the crosscurrents of conflicting emotions. Her gaze met Kylian's, searching for a glimmer of the man she had fallen in love with—the man who had once cherished her and their family above all else. Slowly, tentatively, she extended her trembling hand, allowing their fingers to intertwine, a fragile connection in the face of their shattered trust.

In that delicate touch, an unspoken promise lingered. It whispered of their shared history, the moments of tenderness and joy that had been eclipsed by their recent turbulence. It spoke of a willingness to rebuild, to confront their flaws and the demons that haunted them.

The silence, once heavy with resentment, now became a sacred space for introspection and reflection. The unspoken words hung in the air, their weight acknowledged by both parties. It was a moment of surrender, a recognition that love could not thrive in the absence of vulnerability and forgiveness.

However, despite their fragile moment of reconciliation, the scars of their previous altercation still festered beneath the surface. The guilt and anger that plagued them now resided like smoldering embers, waiting for the slightest breeze to ignite their fury once more.

The following morning, the house was shrouded in an uneasy silence. Kylian moved cautiously, as if walking on eggshells, acutely aware of the tension that lingered in the air. Y/N, her face etched with traces of weariness and apprehension, busied herself in the kitchen, desperately trying to maintain a semblance of normalcy.

Suddenly, the sound of shattering glass pierced the fragile peace. Kylian's hand trembled as he gazed at the broken fragments scattered across the floor, his breath catching in his throat. The weight of his mistake crashed down upon him, triggering a surge of self-loathing.

Before Kylian could even react, Y/N's voice lashed out, sharp and cutting. "Kylian, how many times have I told you to be careful? You never pay attention to anything!" Her words dripped with frustration, a reflection of her own mounting resentment.

His heart sank, a mixture of shame and frustration swirling within him. The bitterness that had consumed him since their previous argument threatened to overflow. He could no longer bear the weight of his guilt and his bruised pride.

The room seemed to close in on them as Kylian's retort hung heavily in the air, each word a dagger aimed at Y/N's wounded heart. "Oh, what now? Are you going to slap me again, Y/N?"

The accusation cut through the air, leaving a palpable silence in its wake. Y/N's eyes widened in disbelief and hurt, her body trembling with a mixture of shock and anger. The triplets, sensing the rising tension, began to cry, their innocent wails intermingling with the growing storm of emotions.

Y/N's voice quivered as she fought back tears, her voice heavy with a mixture of sorrow and indignation. "How dare you say that, Kylian? I never wanted to hurt you, and you know it!"

The room trembled with their voices, each word a dagger aimed to wound, tearing at the fabric of their fragile bond. Kylian's face contorted with anger, his voice laced with a bitterness he could no longer contain. "Of course you never wanted to hurt me, right? You've done such a fantastic job so far!" Kylian spat, his voice dripping with sarcasm. "Complaining and nagging every fucking day like I don’t already have enough of that every time I open social media"

Y/N's eyes filled with tears, a mixture of pain and disbelief etched on her face. She struggled to find her voice, to make sense of the torrent of emotions crashing over her. "I'm trying, Kylian. I'm trying so hard to hold us together, to be there for you and the kids. But it feels like nothing I do is ever enough!"

He scoffed, the bitterness in his voice turning his words into venom. "You? Trying hard? Don't make me laugh! All you do is complain and criticize. You're so quick to point out my faults, but what about your own? Or do you think you're perfect?"

Y/N's voice trembled with a mix of anger and hurt. "I never claimed to be perfect, Kylian. But I've given up so much for you, for our family. I've sacrificed my dreams and aspirations to support you, only to be constantly belittled and dismissed!"

Kylian's eyes blazed with fury, his fists clenched at his sides. "Oh, so now it's all about your sacrifices, is it? What about mine? What about the pressure I face every single day, the weight of expectations on my shoulders?"

Their words collided in the air, their voices filled with resentment and unspoken pain. The triplets' cries grew louder, their innocence caught in the crossfire of their parents' anguish.

Unable to bear the suffocating atmosphere any longer, Kylian turned on his heels, his voice dripping with disdain. "I don't have time for this. I have a plane to catch, a team to lead. Maybe being away from you for a while will do us both some good."

As he stormed out of the house, the door slammed shut behind him, leaving Y/N standing in a sea of shattered hopes and shattered glass. The anguished cries of their children echoed through the empty rooms, a haunting reminder of the fractures in their once-unbreakable bond.

In that moment, as the gravity of their fight settled upon them, both Kylian and Y/N were left with a hollow ache in their hearts, each tormented by their own regrets and the uncertain path that lay before them.

[jrueships]

https://twitter.com/buffalobills/status/1529976929482309632?s=21&t=Ag--erC0mJX4mxUhDCtMscoV1aFOzSfWDk1EbpCZnVs

“Football man”

Diggs short a*s shorts

*chefs kiss*

OMG THIS IS SO CUTE!!!!! Ed trying to loose waterbottle cap prank diggs.. Allen INSTANTLY noticing it and trying to protect him... HUSBANDS!!!! thank u sm for showing me this 😭😭, LETS TALK!!!

Diggs short ass shorts.. HIS TRACK BOOTY IN FULL FORM😭😭!! i hate him. Ed throwing his hands up in harmless surrender as soon as allen moves into the scene.... they already know not to mess with the husband... and stef just squinting at him in confusion wondering why Ed is all smiley, but is still otherwise clueless to Ed's prank plot

Josh pointing at it but getting Ignored lol

Tries to save diggs.. diggs thinks hes just thirsty and wants him to wait his turn so he moves it away >:]

This is so playground flirting 🙄 allen trying to actually HELP diggs and diggs being all 'no you CAN'T have it 😤😈' AHHH they're so cute <33 princess diggs please just let your husband have the waterbottle HE IS TRYING TO PREVENT A WET TSHIRT CONTEST FROM HAPPENING RN ‼️‼️

FINALLY he grabs it .... this picture... um. Turns to theater lit class with teacher glasses on my nose... i think we all know what This represents 😳...

He then shows stef it's been unscrewed... then FIXES it FOR him ?@?!?? He really didn't have to do that BUT HE DID!!!!!!!! acts of service 🥰🥰 thank u brave knight for saving the kingdom from flood <3 AND DOING IT ALL WHILE LOOKING AT ED LIKE 'i can't BELIEVE you, on MY wife??!?!????' Wow.. like. It's like with this visor it makes him actually seem... cool 😳 what a heartthrob 😻😻

DIGGS SMITTEN !!!!!!!!!!!! Smiling so charmed at him like he moved mountains instead of screwed on a water cap.. pic 1/infinite of the 'get someone who looks at you like diggs looks at josh' gallery. Also mckenzie standing there in his short shorts and long stockings HELP??? GET OUTTA HERE SICKLY VICTORIAN CHILD???????

Love wins. + bonus mckenzie slug reaction

[stonylovessteve]

SLS 2021 Creator Reveals

We’ve reached the end of the exchange and that means it’s time to reveal the creators of all our works!

Thank you for putting so much love and effort into Stony Loves Steve 2021, you really made it a great experience. We hope everyone loved it as much as we did!

Giftees, be sure to leave a comment and kudos on your gift if you haven’t already. All our creators worked hard to make this event a success, so show them some love.

You can now post your work publicly outside of the exchange. Tag it as #stonylovessteve2021 on tumblr and we’ll reblog you. @ us @stonylovessteve on twitter and we’ll retweet you.

Below the cut is the final list of all the works produced for the exchange and the creators.

Cold as Ice, Warm my Heart by lil_aussie_girl for parkrstark (MCU, 1.5k)

The cold took away one love already, and his greatest fear is that it will do it again - before he has the chance to say those three important words.

Strength Like The Sea/A Familiar Yet Foreign Face by Lacrimula_Falsa for funkyspacegirlfriend (AU, 3k)

There had to be another explanation for the ugly burning feeling in his chest because this wasn’t a rom-com and he’d known Steve for less than a day.

After years of his father fruitlessly searching for one, Tony finally gets to meet a real-life vampire.

· · ·*‒*‒ ‒ ‒*‒ ·*‒ · ‒ ‒

Anthony.

No, not Anthony, because Anthony had crumbled to dust right before his eyes. But this man looked so eerily similar to him, he could have been Anthony’s twin brother. Only the eyes were different, warm brown instead of cold blue. After being woken nearly a century after he went into stasis because the pain of losing his lover Anthony was too much, Steven meets a man who looks just like him.

I Know There is Comfort Where We Overlap by jellybeanforest for ghosthan (Ults, 10k)

As a relic of a bygone era, Steve struggles with feelings of isolation and severe depression made worse by his recent breakup with Jan Pym. He secretly hooks up with random strangers chasing a sense of connection with someone, anyone. Things are going (not) well when he and fellow Ultimate, Iron Man, are tasked with infiltrating a Thai resort serving as a front for illegal arms dealing. Only catch: They must go undercover as a married couple on their honeymoon.

finding steve rogers by jacobby for geekymoviemom (MCU, 6k)

Steve sighs. “Sorry. I wasn’t a very good tour guide. Ma always told me about the town, but she never got into specifics.”

Tony takes Steve’s hand in his and places it close to his lips. “It’s your first time here too. We understand.”

AKA

After a botched mission with SHIELD, Steve takes a vacation with his family to a town in Ireland.

Things are knot as they seem by BladeoftheNebula for DepressingGreenie (AU, 3k)

Everyone assumes Captain America is an alpha and Steve doesn’t see the harm in not correcting them. After all, Alphas command respect while omegas are still considered far too delicate for leadership.

And sure, it sucks hiding his designation when he’s in love with Tony Stark, the hottest alpha he’s ever seen, but what alpha would want an omega who could lift them with one hand?

So it’s fine. It’s not as if anyone was ever going to find out his secret anyway…

A drop of love by CapAL for Perlmutt (AU, Comic)

After sleeping for 70 years Steve wakes up to a world that he doesn’t understand. As an age-old vampire he’s seen a lot of things in his life, but nothing has ever confused him as much as the bubbly Starbucks barista Tony. They meet by chance and Steve stays. He falls for him, even though he knows he shouldn’t, and together they explore modern New York, while Steve tries to hide his true nature from Tony, afraid that he would send him away if he knew the truth.

The Fake Prince and the Cat  by Neverever for Fluffypanda (AU, 5.5k)

Steve is sent in place of Prince Brock to marry the libertine Tony Stark. It's better than he thought it would be, plus he makes friends with a cat.

father to son by parkrstark for HogwartsToAlexandria (MCU, 2.5k)

Steve had been planning on asking Peter to be his son, officially, for weeks now, but he always chickened out because he didn't thik he was good enough for the boy. Funnily enough, Peter had the same idea, but when he showed the adoption papers to Steve, he didn't have the best of reactions.

The Best Half Of Me by Huntress79 for RoseRose (AU, 1.5k)

An encounter with one of his exes at a charity gala opens Tony’s eyes about how much he really loves Steve - and how much he’s looking forward to their future together.

neither here nor there by ghosthan for  Welcoming_Disaster (616, 18k)

Captain America comes back from Dimension Z changed. He has had over a decade of his life taken from him, as well as the woman he loved. Stoic, secretive, and traumatized, much of what he experienced remains a mystery to SHIELD and the world; Tony is there to help him heal, and uncover the truth about how much Steve has lost.

The Eventide Aspect by geekymoviemom for ishipallthings (MCU, T, 12k)

“Yeah, Cap, about that,” Tony says, looking rather sheepish as he scratches at the back of his neck.

“Yeah?” asks Steve.

“Well… remember those half-baked ideas that I mentioned?  I’m afraid this might be one of ‘em,” says Tony.

“Okay.  Care to explain it to someone who doesn't speak technical?”

“Ahh…” Tony trails off, mumbling under his breath again.  “Yeah.  Um… if my theory is correct, I’m thinking that when we stepped through that window, we might’ve entered another dimension.”

Looking by Robin_tCJ for Vento_Lunar (MCU, E, 4k)

After a raid on a HYDRA base, Steve's body reverts back to the way it was before the serum. Tony still wants him.

You Had Me in the First Half by Corsets_and_Cardigans for Robin_tCj (MCU, E, 2k)

Steve is on his way to meet Bucky for a movie before their football team goes away for a game. Too bad Tony has plans for him! He'll apologize to Bucky for it later.

the rest is history by starksnack for muchmoremajestic (Avengers Academy, G, 2k)

It's Steve's birthday and he usually likes to spend it alone. Of course, Tony has other ideas.

Basically just some soft AvAc fluff.

(Let Me) Love and Be Loved by HeLovedYou for wikketkrikket (MCU, T, 6k)

Steve forgets how to self-sabotage his own happiness.

He also forgets his team, his soulmate and the last three years of his life.

avengers featuring steve’s doppleganger vol 1 (FANCOMIC) by wingheads for jellybeanforrest (616, Art)

tony dates a man who looks a lot like steve. everyone can see it, everyone knows what that means, except tony, who doesn't seem to realize he's dating steve's doppelganger. steve doesn't see the resemblance either and actually comes to like tony's new boyfriend, but then one of the other avengers spills the beans that they look exactly alike to tony, who can't unsee it now and breaks up with the new guy, only for steve to be sad that his baseball-buddy won't be around anymore.

Hart Island by Amber_Skye for lil_aussie_girl (MCU, G, 12k)

Steve is acting out of character, and Tony and the other Avengers can’t work out why.

the soul of dragons by funkyspacegirlfriend for Amber_Skye (MCU, T, 2k)

Steve’s dragon companion is the largest Tony’s ever seen up close. And she captivates Tony from the very first moment.

Just in the Knit of Time by DepressingGreenie for picturecat (Avengers Assemble, T, 2.5k)

Steve only has a week to tell Tony he loves him before his secret is leaked to the world.

Learning Curve by picturecat for Huntress79 (Avengers Academy AU, G, 2k)

Freshly defrosted, Steve Rogers is the newest teacher at the Avengers Academy—an attempt to guide and teach the newest generation of heroes before they have to take on the burdens of their teachers. Steve himself has a lot of learning to do.

First Impression by veryvincible for wingheads (616, M, 7k)

The Avengers find the schematics of a deadly weapon in the hands of an up-and-coming villain. To safely retrieve the data that led to its creation and keep the city safe in the process, they have to take a very subtle approach. The man-- Jack Marshall-- has an eye for hunks and a tendency to get vulnerable with them. The team could use this to their advantage, if they have the right assets.

Enter Steve.

Dandelions and Lilies by Wikketkrikket for CapAL (AU, G, 4k)

Written for CapAL for the StonylovesSteve event 2021.

A summer job in the florists is pretty good, as summer jobs go; and when a handsome guy comes in with some very particular requirements it gets even better.

Or it would, if Steve wasn't lying about the meaning of every bouquet he sold.

Potshot by jellybeanforest for jacobby (AU, T, 2.5k)

In an expansive wasteland infested with hordes of the undead, Steve, leader of a group of ex-military operatives known as the Avengers, searches for survivors and supplies in the ruins of the old world.

That’s all well and good, but Tony would do just about anything for an American cheeseburger.

For Stony Loves Steve 2021. Based on a prompt by jacobby.

Remorse and Rapture by oliverparker for optimusprime13 (AU, E, 6k)

When Steve's mother falls ill, he's forced to move in with the family she works for. He's not thrilled about it.

Shards of Eternities by Perlmutt for starksnack (AU, T, 5k)

Rumor had it that the war would soon be over. It could not end soon enough. Until then, Anthony would wait for Steven. He would wait and protect their child. He would wait and write another thousand letters for his alpha, his mate, his husband, if only he would come home, come for him, come for them.

Two Can Play That Game by JehBeEhh for Becci Barnes (BeccEEE) (MCU, T, 4k)

Tony Stark is many things. Patient isn't always one of them. Especially not when there's a happily ever after at the end of that bout of patience.

Uncovered by mariana_oconnor for Corsets_and_Cardigans (MCU, G, 6k)

Steve didn't think the tip-off was anything more than the usual nonsensical conspiracy theory. He only went to check it out because he was curious. He definitely wasn't expecting it to be a trap.

Build Me Up Buttercup by ishipallthings for BladeoftheNebula (4k, M, MCU)

Tony sees the gold letters spelling “Stark” on the edge of Steve’s hood and his mind grinds to a halt. Steve looks good wearing his name. Too good.

(In which Steve starts experimenting with a new style. Tony does not find this infuriatingly attractive, thank you very much.)

Discovery [Art] by Fluffypanda for captainstars (Art, G, Noir)

Renowned adventurer Tony Stark discovers a carving of a lost civilization's protector.

I left my heart (at home with you) by captainstars for UisceOneLove (2k, G, AU)

It shouldn’t have surprised him as much as it did.

The man grinned at him, wide and beautiful. Steve couldn’t help sneaking another glance towards the heavens. They really lost their citizens fairly easily. Steve would like to say this was the first white robed beauty he had come across until now, but he wasn’t.

(OR)

Steve moved to a cabin in the woods hoping to live the life of a hermit werewolf. When Tony Stark decided to become his new neighbor, it threw a bit of a wrench into Steve’s plans.

(OR)

A werewolf and an incubus cuddling in a tree.

Raspberry Beret (I Think I Love Her) by ralsbecket for oliverparker (4k, M, 3490)

When Steve looked at Natasha, he knew in his heart that she was what put his derailed train back on its tracks. For the first time since they met, Steve felt like he had some semblance of a plan for his future. And he wanted Natasha to be a part of it.

Savior Complex by optimusprime13 for HeLovedYou (18.5k, G, AU)

Wealthy businessman Steve Rogers stumbles into barely-getting-by Tony Stark in a cemetery, and they hit it off immediately. Steve is enamored by Tony’s razor-sharp wit, his startling intelligence, and his penchant for building stuff. He has a problem though - he can’t stop wanting to save everybody around him, especially Tony - who is struggling to make ends meet. However, Tony is too proud and stubborn to accept any help from Steve. But when Tony gets kidnapped to act as bait for Steve, how far will Steve go to save Tony when it means sacrificing himself?

Through His Stomach by RoseRose for JehBeeEh (2k, G, MCU)

Steve decides he wants to try to cook with all the new ingredients he has found in this new time, but he needs someone else to taste-test his creations. Tony is holed up in his workshop, so he makes the perfect guinea pig. The two of them grow closer over several meals.

Iron & Sapphire by Becci Barnes (BeccEEE) for Lacrimula_Falsa (AU, 5k)

Steve can always sense him, long before Tony enters his cave. It makes his blue scales tremble and his big wings flutter in excitement. Tony brings light and warmth into this musty hideout he calls home. And food. And while they may be as odd a couple as you can imagine, that won't stop them from bantering and cuddling just like anyone else.

Man On The Moon by Welcoming_Disaster for veryvincible (616, 7k)

Things haven't been the same since Steve has found out about Tony's secret identity. A mission that goes wrong forces both of them to confront why.

I Love You to the Moon and Back by muchmoremajestic for mariana_oconnor (MCU, 3k)

After Steve gets attacked in the woods, certain changes start happening.

Happy Birthday to America's ass by njava97 for ralsbecket (MCU, 2.5k)

It's the night before Steve's birthday and something is very wrong.

Magic's in the Moving Portrait by UisceOneLove for neverever (AU, 9.5k)

Without his ma, Steve's lost his ability to make art. In walks new wizarding student Tony Stark, who also happens to be his new roommate. All hope might not be lost just yet for him and his brush.

Reach The Sky by Vento_Lunar for njava97 (MCU, art)

Non-serum Steve Rogers saves the world. (And Tony saves him)

[willykappymarnsmatts]

Love Like This (A. Matthews/ M. Marner)

“I want one.”

“Mitch, are you insane?!”

“No! They're just so cute and I want one.”

Auston is shocked, silent. Mitch and Auston are laying together on their couch in their shared apartment, Mitch watching as Auston mindlessly scrolls through TikTok. The two of them watch a clip of a baby, maybe two or three years old, giggling and smiling at the camera.

“Please,” Mitch whines. Auston sits up and half grins, half frowns at Mitch.

“Baby, this isn't a small thing. This isn't like wanting to get ice cream for dinner or deciding to skip practice… A baby isn't something we decide on a whim.”

“Stop talking to me like I'm a child, Aus,” Mitch huffs. “I know what I’m talking about, and I really do want one.” He becomes somber and takes Auston’s phone from him and places it beside him, then grabs both his hands and pulls them into his lap. “I'm serious about this. I've been thinking about it for a while and I want to be a dad. I want us to be dads.”

Auston just stares at him, unsure of how to respond. “Mitch, I, um…” he trails off and laughs lightly under his breath. “You know I love you, and I've obviously thought about it a bit, too. You'd make an incredible dad, I'm sure. But nobody even knows we're married, and you wanna adopt kids?”

“Do you seriously care about what people will think? We can talk to Kyle and make a post on Insta or something. Please, Auston, I love you and I want a kid with you. Just think about it, okay?” He reaches up to cup Auston’s cheek in his hand, and Auston turns his head to kiss his palm.

“I’ll think about it Mitchy. I promise.”

“I love you,” Mitch grins wide and leans in to kiss Auston lightly, then pushes him back onto the couch and moves to straddle him.

•••

“You said a kid, baby. That means one.”

“I know what I said, but look at them! How can you not absolutely adore them.” Mitch’s eyes race across the laptop screen, which displays pictures upon pictures of smiling children. Mitch singles out a picture of two little boys grinning up at the camera and doesn’t remove his eyes from them.

Auston turns his head to look at his husband and shakes his head, smiling.

“Yes, they're cute. But you are insane. I don't know if I'll be able to even handle one kid, nevermind two little boys.”

Mitch wraps his arms around Auston’s waist and grins up at him. “You won't be alone, and it'll be fun! A challenge.”

“Oh my God,” Auston groans, running his hands down his face, then back up through his hair. He mockingly glares at Mitch, a smile slowly breaking out on his face. As much as he tries, he can never say no to Mitch when he gets like this. Auston loves him, maybe a bit too much sometimes. “Fine, we’ll meet them. I hate you.”

“I love you too, Aus,” Mitch draws out the words, smiling wide and leaning into him.

“I can’t believe you’ve talked me into this,” Auston says, getting up from his seat and walking around the kitchen. “Are you sure we’re ready to be parents?”

“One hundred percent,” Mitch frowns, “But honestly, if you’re so unsure, we can wait. I don’t want to force you into this.”

“You’re not forcing me into anything and you wouldn't be able to even if you tried.” Auston grabs two Perrier waters from the fridge and tosses one of the cans to Mitch, who catches it and sets it on the table, not breaking eye-contact with his husband. “I just want to be sure that we’re not rushing into anything. That we’re not making a mistake.”

“You’re scared.”

“No,” he scoffs, “What are you talking about?”

Mitch grins softly, his eyes sparkling, and his voice has a slight joking tone to it. “You’re scared, baby.”

He stands up and grabs his drink to bring it with him next to Auston. Mitch gently sets the can on the counter and puts his hands on either side of Auston’s waist. “You are incredible, Auston. You amaze me every single day. You’re the most handsome man I’ve ever laid my eyes on. I can’t imagine my life without you by my side.” Auston stares down at Mitch, his dark eyes bouncing back and forth between Mitch’s. “And I know that won’t change with kids. You are going to make an incredible father. Even if we suck at it, we’ll still be great. We’ll learn from our mistakes. My mom will be more than willing to help us. She even said she’d be open to moving in with us-”

“No. No, not happening,” Auston giggles.

Mitch laughs. “Okay, fine. But my point is, we’re great. You’re amazing. And everything is going to be completely and utterly awesome. Imagine the look on Freddie’s face when we invite him over and there's two little boys, our babies, yelling ‘Uncle Fred!’”

Auston smiles and leans down slightly to kiss Mitch gently on the lips. “I fucking love you.”

“I know,” and he spins on his heel to go back to the computer, Auston laughing and followingon his heels.

•••

“Dad,” the little boy sitting in Auston’s lap giggles and tries to squirm away, but Auston adjusts his grip on the child and holds him tighter to him.

“Hmm?” Auston stares into the little boy’s brown eyes. He never thought he could possibly love something this much. He adores Mitch, and he would give up his life for him in two seconds, but this, this is something else. He looks into the big, brown eyes, stares at the little nose and perfect little lips, the mop of light brown hair on his head, falling into his eyes when he laughs, and it feels like everything makes sense. Like time stops and it’s just Auston and his little boy alone in the world, safe from everything and everyone.

“Auston, stop terrorizing Andrew. He just wants to watch his show.” Mitch enters the room with a baby, less than a year old, swaddled in his arm. Using his free hand, Mitch tosses the tv remote to Andrew and the boy gets away from Auston quick enough to change the channel from whatever football game is on to Paw Patrol. Andrew crawls up onto the leather couch and makes himself comfortable, resting his head on a red pillow. Auston then abandons his spot on the floor and gets up to adjust pillows for Mitch to sit down. The two hockey players sit next to each other, and Mitch hands the little bundle in his arms to Auston.

“Hey, little guy,” Auston coos, rocking the baby slightly. “I can’t believe he’s real.” Mitch just watches Auston with Liam in his arms, so in love. Auston looks up at him and the two just stare at each other, smiling. Mitch leans in and kisses Auston gently on the lips, then pulls away and moves to cuddle with Andrew.

Auston watches them for a moment, mesmerized. A couple years ago, he was afraid to tell Mitch how he felt about him, terrified he wouldn’t feel the same, and that he would lose his best friend. And now, they’re married, living in an expensive apartment in downtown Toronto, playing for the greatest club in the NHL, married, with two kids. Auston kisses Liam on the forehead, and the baby’s nose twitches in his sleep. “I love you,” he whispers, and he knows this baby won’t go a day without knowing he is absolutely adored.

[bbrandy2002]

The Diary of Riley Brooks

Entry Two

Wacky Drabble #8: Help me with this, would you?

Coincides with TRH Chapter 13

Some strong Language

Characters belong to Pixelberry

Drabbler Tags: @emceesynonymroll @burnsoslow @sirbeepsalot @jovialyouthmusic @romanticatheart-posts @stopforamoment @dcbbw @jessiembruno @katedrakeohd

Additional tags; I have no idea who is on my permanent tags list anymore😬 I didnt exactly keep up with it 😭 I'll do better. So please let me know so I can get that sorted out.

@ao719 @hopefulmoonobject

September 7

I'm having a baby!

As I sit here trying to let that statement fully sink in, I think about where I was just one year ago today.

I had always dreamt of meeting my Prince Charming, never really expecting to find him. Liam made me realize that fairy tales do exist and sometimes wishes do come true. That sounds so cliche, yet, I don't know any other way to describe what we share together.

He is my heartbeat, my every breath, my reason for existing. Our love is built on passion and longing, his touch excites me and his very presence heats my core. Our bodies joined together, whether fierce or gentle, is pure, unadulterated magic. Liam is my warmth and sincerity, my goodness and truth.

In the depths of my belly, I am carrying the greatest symbol of that love, a part of him and a part of me, a tiny creature that will forever bring us joy.

I spent much of the reception, anxious to find out if I was indeed pregnant. As I wrote yesterday, Savannah admitted to taking a pregnancy test, as well. For whatever reason, possibly one I don't want to ever know, she placed her negative test in the bathroom drawer. Due to Madeleine's incompetence and unwanted presence for this event, she, too, put my test in the drawer. Is there some kind of weird Cordonian tradition I am unaware of that says these test work better in drawers? And why did Savannah leave hers in there? The damn thing was negative. In light of his objection, I have a strong feeling, Mr. Chuck knows more than he is letting on.

Freaked the hell out by Savannah, I knew then, I was the one who was pregnant. I needed air and a moment to think, far away from all the yee-haw bullshit. I sent Liam a text, asking him to meet me in a clearing by the house, I had a surprise for him. Within seconds, he approaches me with a flirtatious smile, looking as if he was ready to fuck me six ways from Sunday. I love that man and I'm always more than willing to participate in his freakish, outdoor sex fetish, but, this wasn't what I had in mind.

After I tell him we are a having a baby, he sweeps me up in his arms, gently placing me back to the ground. His happiness was written all over his face, until it wasn't. He went into Liam mode, panicking about the need to baby proof every room at the Palace and Valtoria. As much as I loved his cute response, I wanted tears dammit. I wanted him on his knees, crying his eyes out, unable to talk, worshipping my stomach. Mick Jagger said you can't always get what you want, but, sometimes you get what you need....well, I needed a sobbing, shaking Liam, is that too much to ask?

We discuss when to tell our friends and because I'm a petty, evil bitch, I decide we should tell them right in the middle of Savannah and Bertrand's reception. You propose at my wedding, I announce the equivalent of the second coming, in the form of my sacred child, at yours. I couldn't care less for the rest of the wedding attendees, but, seeing Hana, Drake, Maxwell and Bertrand delight in our news was exciting.

Afterwards, Liam wants to celebrate in private, which means, we might talk some, but, he still has every intention of getting off tonight. We head upstairs and I was correct in my assumption, he wants to celebrate making the baby by doing what we did to make it. He is a wet panty dropper for sure. And while some ride Harley's and horses, I propped my little pregnant ass on my own stallion and rode him hard. If Barthelemy weren't already out of his coma, me screaming Liam's name when I climaxed, would have awakened the old coot for sure.

If my panties weren't already off, after he sang a lullaby to our baby, that for sure would have melted them away. If he keeps this up, we'll have our own 20 Kids and Counting reality show.

I should have stayed in fucking bed this morning. At breakfast, Bertrand greeted us in kind, while Stick-It-In-A-Drawer Savannah, reminded us all that we are not at court. Why is she still here and not on her honeymoon? Then Leona tells me I can't have a cup of coffee....bitch, I was downing shots like no tomorrow just three days ago with Liv and Hana in Auvernal. This queen will drink a cup of coffee if she damn well pleases. My baby is probably going to come out with two heads.

Like the lovable, little genius he is, Maxwell suggests everyone buys the baby a gift. Guess who further suggested we get these gifts from the local country general store? The same damn place that was using a priceless saddle as a fucking hat holder. I can't even write her name anymore. I have to wonder, why I have been playing second fiddle on Hee-Haw Hell to her during this trip.

So the gang and I pack into our vehicle and head back to said store, where I can share with all of Cordonia that the royal crib was purchased at Wild Chester's Gear and Steer on Bootleg Road. I watched Maxwell fawn over socks, Hana recreated painful memories of lonely tea parties, and Drake...well, Drake's little wooden horse was quite adorable.

I get a call from Olivia, who somehow managed to escape earlier from this shithole than I did. I thought we were amigas now Liv? She actually cried when I told her Liam and I were expecting. I don't know what the hell she is doing in my bedroom, but, if Livvie needs something there, I'm more than happy to help a girl out. She asked me for the most valuable thing in my room, I lied to her and told her it was the royal sceptre. If she only knew the value of the dildo I had in my nightstand....that better be exactly where I left it when I get back.

Back at the ranch, Liam says the five most beautiful, glorious words I have been waiting to here for weeks.....We're almost ready to go....Hot Damn!

Bianca asked me if I thought I could get away without saying goodbye...I already knew the answer was, no. If she only knew how hard I tried about twenty times since arriving to cut tail and run. And damn that heartless, nazi, Leona, she for real dissed my husband! Bitch, I will snap you in half over Liam.

Just when I think I'm finally in the clear, who in the blue fuck put me on a plane for the next 10 hours with Frick, Frack and Kiara?

Liam, I love you, but, damn you! I'm nauseous, tired, moody, and pissing buckets every 10 minutes, carrying your child, and you thought this was a good idea.

I blame pregnancy brain for my decision to tell these three our big news. I'm not the greatest at charades, Im not even the smartest person in the world, but, I swear to God, these three may quite possibly be the dumbest morons I have ever met. They guessed I was full, I was bloated, gluttony.....fucking gluttony???? Yes Penelope, the big news I wanted to share with you is I'm a glutton. Maybe a glutton for punishment, deciding to interact with you three. More guesses included, American Football, and a common pirate jig....one of these women is an ambassador and the other my communications director. I'm a waitress from Brooklyn, and my word, I'm truly baffled by the sheer stupididy I had just witnessed. I turned to Liam, pleading with my eyes, help me with this, would you?

As bad as those three were, out of no where, the most incompetant, security guard on this planet, appears right before me. I didn't have time to worry about her, because apparently, the bane of my existence just scheduled a press conference to announce my pregnancy. I haven't seen a doctor to even confirm yet, what the hell Madeleine. One of these days, I am gonna beat that green goblin's ass down.

Cordonia, I'm on my way and can't be there soon enough.

Riley

[nefariouscryptid]

Hello there (that was Obi Wan voice). Your gallery is a recent find of mine. Ohohoho, I hope you are willing to talk about relationships of fictional characters 'cause yours have poked my gears! So... What kind of relatioships Peter has with his subordinates/close pals? Type, likes/hates about them and vica versa, stories of them, why they are a team etc,etc. Not just shallow stuff, hit me with the deets! Apologies if I'm being invasive, oblige as much as you feel comfortable (if at all LOL).

Peter isn’t really close with anyone. But anyone he has a past connection to he consideres an associate, and not a employee.

Peter and Anahii: Peter and Anahii met during highschool when she was a freshman and Peter was a sophomore. They had immediately hit it off after seeing Anahii nearly kill a girl in a school fight. At the time Peter had great respect for her. This bitch is crazy! I love her! But as time went on that began to fade, and he became more and more drained and annoyed being around her. While they were still dating, he proposed to her because in the end he’s never going to get with who he actually does, and he needs to get married. She felt the same way, although she actually liked him a lot longer then he did. As adults, married for however long they were, they both constantly fought and hit each other, Anahii using him for his money and Peter using her for sex only. He just saw her as an object, something that gave him title of a husband and made him look better and more capable of people liking him. She was a trophy wife to him. Anahii was miserable in the relationship but at least she was rich, and at least she had protections. Well she thought so. There was still a part of her that wishes he’d just love her.

Peter and Jason: Peter and Jason met either in elementary or middle school, they couldn’t tell you. But they didn’t become friends until late 8th grade- freshman year of highschool. Much like Anahii, Peter instantly hit it off with Jason. They quickly became best friends. They were each other’s ride or die, if someone got into trouble, the other was “shit guess I’m going down too”. Peter hasn’t met anyone in his life that had been willing to put themselves on the line for him. He became obsessed and infatuated with Jason. He was everything he could ever want. It was at this point Peter realized he was bi, but he didn’t even care at this point. He could defend himself, people ain’t got shit on him. Both he and Jason did football together, Jason being quarterback and Perer wide receiver. Peter got kicked off the team after foul play and was took it as he was shit at playing, but Jason was just as good as he was! How fucking dare they?! He became somewhat jealous of Jason, that he could keep his cool and get people to bow for him easily. So he observed, and by the next school year he had adopted the same charm as Jason. As adults they’re still each other’s ride or dies, Peter being tired and finally trying to make moves on Jason, and one thing led to another and now they’re dating, and are now an affair. The relationship wasn’t healthy, Peter being extremely possessive, but it’s better then what he and Anahii had. He truly loved him and was happy. Couldn’t wait to raise his son with this man.

Peter and Cooper: the only type of past connections they could of had was they went to the same highschool, but even then Peter had already graduated by the time Cooper got in. During a failed encounter with some potential buyers of weapons, Cooper had found Peter half dead on the ground. His face was sliced open, blood pooling out of his cheek and eye, and with quick thinking Cooper picked him up and raced him out of the building, defending the both of them, throwing him into the back of the military truck they had, and zipped off. At the time he didn’t even know that was his boss, he just saw someone who most likely worked with him half dead. Peter, grateful, ended up giving Cooper multiple promotions, healthcare benefits, loads of loans and money, and benefits for his family. It was also the last time Peter ever showed up to a deal or a confrontation. Cooper became his main guy to send if Jason was out.

Peter and Plethora: after the incident with Cooper, he began to look more into his family. An odd one at that. While Cooper was married to Cassandra, it appeared they had a shared pseudo husband as well. And this guy can shoot! He has never seen a man able to snipe 20 men all in one shot, not even Jason. He called him down to his office one day and promoted him, giving him the opportunity to assassinate higher ups, like government officials. While a great idea at the time, this led to Peters greatest mistake and his downfall.

Peter and Cassandra: Like Cooper and Plethora, she had gone to his old highschool. However also unlike her husbands, she didn’t seem to have a job. Looking more into her profiling he saw that she was great with numbers, stocks, and even hacking. So he called her down, proposed her a job, to which she took instantly, and had monitored her progress over time. Her working in the stock market had opened up a new branch to the organization, while they were already dealing with stocks he had never seen anyone change numbers so quickly and so drastically, and when she stroad into his office one day with files on their threats, background information no one knew, he knew he had made the right choice.

Peter and Michelle: highschool flings. He had promised her money, promised her everything she could ever want, healthcare, the best education at the greatest university, anything she could have ever wanted. She was desperate. And now she’s trapped. He sees her as the perfect soldier. So easily manipulated and now stone cold, yet still easily controlled. He has no further opinion on her, she means little to him, but she hates him with a passion. He lied to her, and now she’s stuck doing something so horrific. She’s betraying everyone she knows, the people she grew up around. And she’s going to get him back.

Peter and Gwen: Gwen was... an experiment. Bother her and her sister Aj. They wanted to see how manipulated young kids from the lowest of income families could be, if they could take them from their families, cover up the crime scene or label them as runaways or the media’s favorite excuse, a suicide, and turn them into their workers, like their soldiers. The experiment was proven to be a semi success, it turns out the younger they are the harder it is. The older they are the easier, because they have a concept of morality, and are forced to comply in fears of dying. Gwen was an acception however, her being 3 when kidnapped. She shows extreme potential and loyalty. She’s ruthless, while also charming and showing a youthful aura. Peter had felt fond over her, while seeing her as mainly a weapon, he enjoyed aiding in her teaching and saw her almost as a daughter. She was eager to comply in what he wanted, although began to question everything as time went on. Began to rebel. What ever happened to her mom and dad? Why is Aj so angry at the association all the time? ...why am I here?

Peter and Aj: constant gaslighting. Peter plays himself as the good guy and that Aj is just the angry teenage girl. Aj knows what they did, at least she has an idea. She doesn’t like being a soldier and she doesn’t like being forced to kill people. She hates her life, she hates Peter, and she just wants her sister to live normally. But Aj doesn’t even know what normal is. At least she has food, constant shelter, access to the best technology... this is normal. This is normal.

Peter and Ivan: were at a constant truce until Peter had sent Plethora to assassinate someone very important to Ivan, later on revealed to be his wife. Then their relationship turned into a dangerous rivalry where everything would soon fall apart.

[let-it-raines]

Rising from the Ashes (16/?)

When her husband died, Emma wasn’t sure that she could ever move on. He left her with a broken heart and a baby who was only three-months old. It’s enough to take most people down, to make them not want to keep going, but Emma Swan isn’t most people. She’s stronger than she has any right to be.

And after years of heartache, she’s found ways to move on…one of those being in Neal’s best friend, Killian Jones.

As she’s always known, however, things are more complicated than they ever seem to be.

Rating: Mature

A/N: I cannot thank you guys enough for reading this story. Lots of things are about to start happening, not all of them pleasant, and I simply ask that you trust me again. You know I’m a happy ending kind of girl 💙

Found on AO3: Beginning | Current

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Tag list: @blowmiakisscolin @jamif @artistic-writer @cs-forlife @qualitycoffeethings @resident-of-storybrooke @captainsjedi @captswanis4vr @teamhook @ekr032-blog-blog @mayquita @bmbbcs4evr @wellhellotragic @kmomof4 @jennjenn615 @onceuponaprincessworld @shady-swan-jones  @snow-into-ash @andiirivera @mariakov81 @shireness-says @kristi555 @facesiousbutton82 @superchocovian @jonirobinson64 @snowbellewells @thejollyroger-writer

-/-

Liam: Caleb is officially going to be our son, so if you’d like, you can tell Emma now!It’s no longer a secret!

Killian: Bloody hell. That’s fantastic!

Killian: I’m more than thrilled for you two, and I’ll have to call you tomorrow.

Liam: I can’t believe I’m going to be a dad.

Killian: Welcome to the club. It’s the best one.

He’s got a smile on his face for the rest of the day after receiving Liam’s texts about he and Belle’s news about Caleb, and for how things have been lately, that’s something that he appreciates even more than usual. He’s been drowning himself in that all too familiar feeling of guilt, and it’s only when he’s occupied at work or with his family that he’s able for it to lessen, for the weight crushing his heart to lift to a bearable pain that allows him to breathe.

This, finding out that his brother and Belle get to fulfill a dream they’ve had for a good while, one that’s been breaking their hearts for years as they continuously fell short, helps to lift his spirits for a few minutes. Being a dad is his greatest joy in life. He understands that it’s not for everyone, that not everyone wants it, and he gets that. It’s difficult, emotional, disgusting sometimes, and causes more stress than many other things in his life. It’s all about personal preference and want, but when you want to be a parent, well, he doesn’t see how anyone could ever think that it’s not a wonderful blessing.

And that little boy, Caleb, is about to have more love and family than he knows what to do with.

He has to no idea how he’s going to get his family over to England this year to meet the lad, but it’s got to happen. Liam and Belle made the effort to be here for Ada’s birth and for so many milestones in Henry’s life that he can’t imagine not being around to meet this kid once he’s gotten a bit settled into life in a new home.

This is bloody magnificent.

It makes him happy when he hasn’t had a lot to feel happy about lately. Well, that’s not true. He falls asleep at night with the love of his life in his arms, and he wakes up in the morning and gets to take care and love these two children who are the lights of his life. Really, he has everything he ever wanted, everything he ever dreamed about when he realized that he didn’t want to live the life of the bachelor Navy Captain forever.

He has everything in the palm of his hands.

He can feel it all slipping through his fingers.

It’s been exactly forty-seven days since he took Henry to therapy and saw Neal get into a car before returning back to the office, and even though he told himself that it was nothing and that Neal deserves his own time, he has not listened to his thoughts. In fact, he has run marathons with them and paid more attention to Neal’s every movement than he has those of his girlfriend’s.

One day he’d love to propose to Emma so as not to be nearly thirty-eight and still calling her his girlfriend when they share their entire life with each other.

Among other reasons such as loving her and wanting to commit to her in every way possible. Those being the most important.

And yet he can’t propose to her. Not now. Not when he’s harboring this secret that she would hate him for, that she will hate him for. He’d wanted to propose before Neal was found alive, and after he came home was not the time. He’d wanted to propose after they’d gotten back together in December, but it was too soon, their wounds still too fresh. He’s wanted to propose every day of this year, but he cannot ask Emma to marry him, to love him for the rest of their days, when he’s entirely sure that her ex-husband has been lying to all of them about what he’s been doing since he got home…and possibly before then.

He’s seen a lot of outlandish things in his life and in his time traveling to different countries, but thinking that Neal Cassidy is living some kind of secret life has got to be the most outlandish thought to ever cross his mind. It’s Neal, the man who he used to go out for drinks with, the man who he used to watch football matches with, the man who Emma once loved more than anyone in the world, the man who was living in his house until he officially moved to DC last week.

Neal Cassidy who is his friend.

Neal Cassidy who is his son’s father.

Of all of the things that make his thoughts horrible, he thinks the worst is that he could possibly accuse Henry’s dad of being someone other than who he says he is when Henry looks up to Neal.

It’s that thought that has made him walk miles back and forth while weighing everything in his mind.

But his thoughts of protecting Emma and Henry, Ada too, are the ones that have made him decide that if he can’t stop thinking about it, there must be something to it. And when Kyle Thomasson came up to Neal at the zoo and started talking about their time together in London, that’s when he knew for sure that something is not adding up, that something is not right. It could have been a mistake, yeah. Neal’s face has been plastered across the television and online, but Kyle seemed sure enough that it stuck with him.

Neal Gold.

Of course, Emma pulled him away from listening so that he could hear that his little girl had just said his name for her first word. He wanted to mark the moment as one of the best in his life, but he was distracted and confused, his mind focusing on everything else. But he wouldn’t let the craziness completely take away from the moment. He simply wouldn’t. Too much has already been taken from his family, and he wanted to treasure the fact that his little girl with her chubby cheeks and hazel eyes said his name. He wanted to be able to appreciate that the little girl who he was terrified of being a bad father to, is still terrified of being a bad father to, loves him enough to say his name before she says any other words. He knows that there are other factors, that it’s really her saying sounds, but he loves whenever she babbles his name to him.

He can’t keep having family moments taken away from him. He won’t keep letting it happen.

Which is why he’s spent his nights compiling every oddity about Neal to try to make sense of his thoughts and his stories. While Neal was still living with them, he took the time to notice more about him than anyone would expect him to. If he’s honest with himself, he’s gone too far with his investment, with his theories, and he’s ashamed of it all. He’s deeply ashamed, but he doesn’t think he’s wrong to think that every duck isn’t in its row and that every domino isn’t perfectly placed. If he were to tip one over, he’s sure they’d all still fall, just not in the right way.

It’s all been a perfect merry go round of thoughts, the same words repeating over and over again in his mind so that he can’t make them stop, so that he can’t make them fall away.

Ashes to ashes, we all fall down.

But now that he suspects something, now that Neal is out of the house and not sharing a breakfast table with him, it’s been easier to try to make his thoughts more coherent. It’s been easier to know that he’d lost his mind and started following the man to his therapy appointments and support groups. Sometimes Neal went into the buildings. Other times he didn’t, either getting into another random car and driving away or never showing up to the right addresses to begin with. When he got into the cars, Killian tried to follow him, but traffic and crafty driving had always made him lose his tail. He’s an idiot for not being able to get it done, but he’s also an idiot for thinking that he should be following Neal.

A step too far and a step too short all at once.

If Neal found out…it’d be all over. He would destroy everything that mattered to him over some dumb hunch that he’s convinced himself is real and reliable and important in keeping all of those things (those people – Emma, Henry, and Ada) together in the little bubble of happiness that they’ve finally found after so much heartbreak and heartache, shattered pieces still littering the floor.

He cannot shatter them again.

He’s going to.

He’s an idiot for lying to Emma about his slightly late days at the office every now and then. They’re not supposed to have any secrets, but he can’t tell her about this. Not yet. Maybe when he knows more, when he has more information. He needs to know something solid for sure before talking to Emma. She believes him about a lot of preposterous things, but this…this would be asking too much.

There’s just…something is not right. That much he knows for sure. Neal is hiding something, and he doesn’t know what. But it’s there. It has to be. There are so many things that don’t make sense, so many oddities and disconnections that simply don’t make sense. Every day of his life is spent connecting metaphorical dots and actualizing how they would play out in real life, and he can’t get his mind to stop doing that here.

He’s terrified, actual chills seeping into his bones and settling until there’s a hollow ache, that something, someone, is going to hurt his family. He’s terrified that it’s going to be someone other than him as he tries to figure out why Neal was lying to them about where he spends his time.

What if Neal hurts Emma? What if he hurts Henry? What if they’ve welcomed him back into their lives with open arms only for him to be lying to them?

There are several facts that Killian has always known. They’ve been a constant in the past decade of his life, and he never thought he’d change them. His world has been built around them, and they were set in stone.

He met Emma Swan on November tenth, two thousand and eight.

Emma Swan fell in love with Neal Cassidy, and they had a wonderful marriage that was full of life and light that the both of them were missing during their childhoods.

Emma Swan gave birth to Henry Cassidy on September fourth, two thousand and eleven, and she and Neal were the proudest parents on the planet.

Neal Cassidy deployed for Afghanistan on October third, two thousand and eleven.

Neal Cassidy was declared missing and presumably dead on December eleventh, two thousand and eleven.

Killian kissed Emma for the first time on April twenty third, two thousand and fifteen, and it was the most glorious moment of his life until she told him that she loved him for the first time on August seventh of that same year.

They moved in together in Alexandria, bought a house and moved to Portland, continued to date and raise their son with as much love as either of them could muster, and on May seventeenth, two thousand and nineteen Ada Grace Jones was born and he knew for a fact that his heart could never be so full of love.

His life was practically perfect in the way that lives can be perfect.

And then it wasn’t.

On September thirteenth, two thousand and nineteen, Neal Cassidy was found alive and rescued in Afghanistan where he was a prisoner of war for just shy of eight years.

Killian’s entire life was flipped, twisted, revived, and changed.

These are things he can’t dispute, that he can’t change. He’s always thought that. For a long time he lived in a world of facts, a place where only black and white existed, no murky gray filling the middle. His father left him, his mother died, and his brother moved back to England instead of staying in America with him. It was how it was, and that’s how he lived.

That’s no longer true.

Because what if everything he knows was a lie?

What if? What if? What if?

He thought Emma and Neal had a great marriage, and even though it had its bright moments, he now knows that it was darkly shaded in variations of gray, merging into black at some points, rarely merging back into the light.

He thought Neal was always a proud parent to Henry, that he was as excited for that baby to be born as Killian was for Ada to make her entrance, but that fact was all a lie too.

He thought that Neal was dead, but he wasn’t. He was a prisoner of war being tortured and beaten for information he likely didn’t have.

But what if he wasn’t? What if that fact isn’t true either?

That’s the crutch of the entire situation. That’s the crazy thought that keeps replaying over and over again. Something about Neal isn’t adding up, and if some of the things Killian has known for years aren’t true, who’s to say that others can’t be as well?

He’s ashamed of himself for thinking this way when his focus should be on making sure that Henry is okay now that his dad is living away from him. He’s ashamed that he’s thinking awful thoughts about a man who is his friend and is a part of his family, but he’s not going to be ashamed if he’s right about this all.

Because what if Neal wasn’t a prisoner of war all of that time? It’s quite possibly the most preposterous thing he’s ever thought, but crazy thoughts turn out to be true every day. What if Neal was deployed and simply…never came home? It doesn’t make sense, he knows, but when he thinks about the man who they ran into at the zoo, the man who was convinced that he knew Neal in London, it…does.

It makes sense because Killian remembers being in London with his family and thinking that he saw Neal at the park. It’s a large city, one that anyone could discreetly make their way through, but what if he really did see Neal that day? What if Kyle really did spend his evenings drinking ale and watching football with Neal at a pub?

But it doesn’t explain anything, not really. Why would Neal live in London instead of coming home? How would he dodge the military like that? How would he create a new identity? Why would he? What would he have been doing in London all of this time? Did he check up on Emma and Henry at all? And if he was in London, how did he become captured again? How was he in that cell for the SEALs to rescue him?

That’s the part he can’t add together no matter how hard he tries. He cannot think of any possible explanation for that. Not a one.

He also can’t think of how any of this relates to what’s going on now. He can’t figure out why Neal had lied, why he would skip out on therapy and dinner and go places he tells no one about. He can’t figure out why the man would come home and put such effort into building a life with Henry (and Emma) if he really did stay away from them for eight years voluntarily? What is Neal doing, and why is he doing it?

Nothing adds up.

Nothing at all.

There’s no way in hell he can figure any of this out on his own.

When he walks in his front door after work, he feels drained, all of the life practically sucked out of him despite having a good day at work and beaming over Liam and Belle’s news. Shedding his suit jacket, he hangs it on the hook by the door and takes the few steps into the kitchen where Henry is sitting at the table with notebooks spread out and his hand gripping onto his pencil as he does his homework. Ada is working on standing, her little legs holding her up as she holds onto a kitchen chair, cruising a bit. God, she’s growing up so fast with her first birthday next month, and he wonders how the hell it’s all gone by so quickly. He’s not ready for his baby to be one, but it’s not as if he can stop time.

Maybe he can try.

“Hey, Henry,” he greets, clapping his hand down on his shoulder and kissing the top of his head. “Did you have a good day at school? You excited about your field trip to the lighthouse tomorrow?”

“Yeah, but Mary Margaret says we have to do a project too, which is boring.”

“Oh come on, projects are fun! Your mum and I will help anyways, okay? Besides, you get to go to the top of the lighthouse and see everything. I feel like that makes the project worth it.”

“Maybe.” Henry shrugs before pressing up in his chair and cupping his hands around Killian’s ear. “Mom is making broccoli tonight, and it smells so bad.”

“But it tastes so good,” he chuckles, knowing that Henry isn’t going to change his mind on the vegetable.

“Dada,” Ada mumbles, reaching over to him as she guides herself along the table only to plop down, hard, against the wood floor before scrambling herself back up again.

“Hello, my little love,” he smiles, reaching down to pick her up and press a smacking kiss against her cheek that makes her giggle while he runs his fingers over her stomach and over the soft material of her dress. “Did you have a good day too? Solve any mathematical equations at nursery? Make a new best friend? Grow a few new inches?”

“Ada can’t do math, Daddy.”

“Oh, you’re right,” he laughs, flashing a smile at Henry. “She can’t do math quite yet, but who knows? Maybe your sister will be a little Einstein.”

“That’s a TV show.”

“It is indeed.”

Emma rounds the corner at that moment, yanking at her shorts to pull them up. She must have run to the restroom or something and trusted Ada and Henry not to break the house down in her two minute absence.

“Hey,” she says, switching her direction and walking toward him, pressing up on her toes and kissing his cheek, “I didn’t hear you come in.”

“I’m very good at sneaking around.”

“That is not as funny of a joke as you think it is.”

She’s being playful, but he realizes the truth in his choice of words. He shouldn’t have said that. Not at all.

“All of my jokes are funny.”

“No they’re not,” Henry very helpfully supplies.

“See,” Emma laughs, backing up from him and walking back toward the stove, “Henry agrees with me, so obviously the two of us are right.”

“Obviously,” he agrees, putting Ada back on the ground so that she can keep propping herself up before he walks to the kitchen island and sits down on a barstool. “So I’m told that we’re having broccoli tonight, and it is not popular among the peanut gallery.”

“It never is, but the cool thing about being the mom is that what I say goes.”

“Very, very true.”

-/-

-/-

“I hate you,” Henry screams at Emma, his face as red as a ripe tomato while tears stream down his face.

“That is not okay, Henry,” Emma says calmly, her arms crossed over her chest and her lips pressed into a straight line. He’s got no clue what to do here, no wise words of wisdom. No one ever really prepared him for what to do when his girlfriend’s four year old decides to yell at her because she said no to a box of cookies at the supermarket. “We do not say that.”

“I hate you. I hate you. I hate you.”

“Henry.”

“You’re mean.”

“Henry, I understand that you want a cookie and think they’re yummy, but not right now.”

He huffs, crossing his arms over his chest, seemingly mimicking Emma in his posture all while Killian is shocked into silence over what to do. Or what not do really. It isn’t his place to parent, and he feels stuck between that metaphorical rock and hard place as all of this unfolds.

“I hate you.”

“Well, I love you.”

Emma and Henry go back and forth for what has to be ten more minutes before Henry calms himself down and Emma takes him into his bedroom where he hears them quietly whisper to each other, a gentle hush after the absolute chaos of earlier. He feels awkward and out of place. Henry is honestly the first kid he’s ever been around for such a large amount of time, and he’s usually only here for the good moments. He’s Henry’s mum’s fun boyfriend who takes him to the park and buys him ice cream because them going out together is supposed to be a treat for the lad. But ever since he and Emma started dating, he’s seen so much more, seen the darker, harsher sides of parenting that he rarely saw before, and he’s still in an odd limbo of not knowing what his place is.

He and Emma love each other, and he loves Henry. It’s just…odd.

Grabbing a glass of water, he takes a few steps into the living room a sits down in the large lounge chair, rubbing his thumb over the rim of the cup. This is not what he was expecting when he came over for dinner tonight, and he’s nervous for how Emma is going to be feeling when she comes out of Henry’s bedroom.

Liam: It’s now two in the morning, and I’ve been watching a show about baking for five hours.

Liam: I’m not sure if I’ve ever baked a day in my life.

Killian: Great British Bake Off?

Liam: Yep.

Killian: If you have a cup of tea next to you, you’re fulfilling all kinds of stereotypes.

Liam: I did just tell my wife that we had a jolly good shag, so I feel like this is true.

Killian: That’s more than I ever needed to know.

Belle: Your brother did not say that, and I agree. That’s more than you ever needed to know.

Killian: Amen, love.

He’s typing another message when he hears a door shut behind him and sees Emma emerge from Henry’s room, her hair now pulled up into a bun on top of her head, the loose blonde strands falling on her forehead and down her neck. He opens his mouth to say something, to ask if she got Henry down for bed, but he doesn’t get the chance before Emma is unceremoniously plopping down into his lap and wrapping her arms around his neck while her face burrows into his shoulder. He can feel her shoulders shake, her entire body quivering, and he can do nothing but rub his hand up and down her back while he rests his chin on the top of her head.

“Shh, shh,” he whispers, words failing him for how to comfort her when she’s showing him such a vulnerable side that he only gets to see when Emma can’t hold back her emotions anymore. She’s the strongest person he’s ever known, and her being vulnerable with him is another example of that. “You’re okay, sweetheart. You’re okay.”

“He said that he hates me,” she mumbles against his neck, her lips touching his skin while her hair tickles just under his nose. “He hates me, and I don’t know what to do about that.”

“He doesn’t hate you. He’s simply upset.”

“B-b-but why did he say it? He’s never done that before. I love him so much, and he hates me.”

“I don’t know,” he soothes, wracking his brain for the right thing to say, “but I know that he doesn’t mean it, Swan. He could never. That boy loves you more than anything.”

“I don’t want to talk about it anymore.”

“Then we won’t. What do you want to do instead?”

Her arms tighten around his neck, and she twists her head to rest it on his shoulder, her cheek pressing against his t-shirt. “We can watch TV so that I can forget about the fact that I’m a terrible mother.”

“Emma – ”

“Please don’t.”

“But – ”

“Killian, I don’t want to talk about it.”

He nods his head and moves his hand to find the remote, turning it on and flipping through the channels until he decides on a rerun of Oceans Eleven, figuring that it’s entertaining enough to keep them occupied and won’t at all remind Emma of why she’s upset. Henry’s four. He’s not some criminal mastermind planning a heist of a casino. This should be fine.

And it is. They sit in silence for a long time, Emma continuously adjusting herself in his lap while his hand slowly moves back and forth over her back and her waist. He thinks that she’s asleep, that the little puffs of air that are being breathed out on his neck are a good sign of that, but then she starts speaking.

“I know he doesn’t hate me. He loves me. I mean, I’m his mom, and I’m trying so hard to be a good one. But it still stings, you know? That kid wreaked havoc on my body for months, but I loved him. I do love him. More than anything in the world. And all I want is to not screw him up. I didn’t have a mom for most of my life, and I don’t have Neal here to help me and to help me make these decisions. I have…well, I have you, and I’m so thankful for you. You have to know that. I just – ”

“You had a rough night,” he finishes for her, leaning his head back against the cushions so that he can look in her eyes, the green especially bright under the tears that are covering her irises. “It’s okay. And I’ll say it as many times as I need to, but you don’t have to do anything alone, not when I’m here.”

“Thank you.”

“Think nothing of it,” he promises, pressing forward to kiss her eyebrow. “I love you, Emma.”

“I love you too. You’re a good man.”

“Oh I don’t know about that. I’m probably the reason Henry wants a cookie so badly. He does get sweets when we go out.”

“He wants them because he’s four. That’s how it works.”

“Had he calmed down before he went to sleep?”

“Yeah,” Emma sighs, her fingers tracing patterns at the tape of his neck, moving between his skin and his hair. “He did. He was so angry, you know? But we went through our routine and then he told me he loved me right before he drifted off to sleep. So I felt better even if I still feel like absolute shit.”

“Tomorrow will be better. Would it be totally hypocritical if we indulged in some sweets to make you feel better?”

“It would, but I’m the mom. What I say goes.”

-/-

-/-

The rest of their evening is spent feeding both Ada and Henry, the two surprisingly similar in their resistance to eating vegetables despite the age gap, but they manage to get it done, as they always do, even if there’s a little kicking and screaming along the way. He helps Henry with his homework before Neal calls, something he’s done every day since he moved. It’s usually the highlight of Henry’s evening, and all things considered, the lad is handling it well. Killian can tell that he misses Neal, that he misses having him around to spend time with, but he’s doing okay.

Henry loves Neal just as Neal loves Henry, and it’s what makes all of Killian’s thoughts about Neal so much more heartbreaking.

He has to be wrong. He has to be.

He knows that he’s not.

Eventually the get the kids to bed, Ada refusing to fall asleep more than usual, but once both of their bedroom doors are closed, he and Emma walk down the hall to their room and fall onto the mattress, their limbs spreading out in exhaustion while the ceiling fan turns above them.

“Liam and Belle are adopting a two-year-old boy named Caleb.”

“I’m sorry. What?” Emma gasps, quickly turning on the bed until she’s sitting up, her hair falling down and creating a curtain over his face. “Did you just say they’re adopting?”

“I did.”

She slaps his chest, her hit far more powerful than she probably realizes. It always is. “How long have you known about this? When did it start? They’re really getting to be parents? Is the paperwork official? Oh God I hope the paperwork is official because if it’s not – ”

“The paperwork is official,” he promises, reaching his hand up to cup her cheek, soft skin against his rough palm while he tries to stop the spiral she’s going down. “I’ve known since Christmas, but Liam asked me not to say anything because he didn’t want to jinx it, I guess. Or maybe he didn’t want everyone to get their hopes up and get Belle’s hopes up when it wasn’t a for sure thing.”

Emma’s lips press together as she nods her head in agreement before a smile breaks out on her face, one that actually takes his breath away. The could also be her elbow on his rib, but it’s probably both.

“I get that. I mean, I didn’t try for Henry, but we tried for Ada and you know how difficult that was even though we only had to wait a little under a year. I can’t – I can’t imagine going through what they’ve been through.”

He taps his thumb against her bottom lip, agreeing with every word that she just said. He’s had a lot of heartache in his lifetime, but he can’t imagine going through that.

“Me either, love.”

Emma sighs before falling back over on the bed, the mattress squeaking a bit as one of the throw pillows topples onto the ground. “I can’t believe you managed to keep that a secret from me for so long. I’m impressed, Jones.”

His heart lurches at that, guilt beginning to thrum through his veins so that his blood somehow both boils and goes cold. She has no idea what he’s going through, and he doesn’t want her to know.

God, he’s such an asshole.

He may very well be the worst man on the planet. How many times does he have to think that before it comes true?

“Your superpower is obviously a little off kilter,” he teases, twisting his head to the side to smile at her, forcing the joy onto his face.

“Never,” she laughs, and his heart breaks a little more. “I’m so freaking happy for them. I can’t believe I’m going to be an aunt again. Can I call Belle in the morning?”

“You could call her right now, but I’m not sure she’ll answer.”

“True.”

“How was therapy today?” he asks, changing the subject as he gets up from bed and begins undoing his jeans, shimmying out of them and folding them.

“Weird,” Emma admits, sitting up and propping herself on her elbows. “I mean, I like Dr. Lawrence, but I’m just not used to talking to anyone but you about all of the craziness that’s going on up in my head.”

“Considering I have an equal amount of crazy going on in mine, it’s likely a good thing you’re still talking to someone else. You and Henry have been through a lot.”

“So have you.”

He clicks his tongue, disagreement on his lips even though he knows she’s right. But because he’s the biggest asshole in the world and can’t talk about any of the thoughts he’s having right now, he unbuttons his shirt, letting it hang off of his shoulders, and stalks over to Emma, leaning over her and caging her in.

“Aye, but I’m far more interested in you and I not talking than anything else right now.”

“Really now?” she purrs, looping her arms around his neck and arching her back up so that she can ghost her lips over his.

“Aye.”

“Well then, Captain, I’d say you’re going to struggle then because you talk far too much during sex.”

“I’ve never heard any complaints from you.”

“That’s because I can’t get a word in edgewise.”

He chuckles at that, something deep and low, and for the next few minutes as their lips and bodies move with and against each other, he forgets every awful, dark thought he’s been having for the past few weeks.

-/-

“You like your burgers well done, right?” Mary Margaret asks him as she sets the meat out on a tray the next day at their lunch with the Nolans.

“Yes, that’s fine.”

“Okay good. That’s how the kids like it too. That’s also how Emma cooks them because grilling isn’t really her thing.”

“She’s a woman of many talents, but that is not one of them.”

“I’m literally standing right here,” Emma groans, taking a sip of her lemonade as she messes with her sweater, fingering at the frayed edges that hang over the waistband of her jeans. “And I can so grill. It’s not that hard.”

“Sure, love.”

Emma cuts her eyes at him, the right side of her lips moving up despite his teasing insult. She’s been in such a good mood today, practically skipping as she walks, and he loves to see her happy like that.

“If you keep talking like that, you’re not going to get to eat.”

“Oh no. However will I live if my girlfriend doesn’t feed me? You know I can’t do anything without being waited on by you. I’m a helpless man.”

“That is not even funny.”

He winks. “I know.”

“You two are just so cute,” Mary Margaret sighs. He’d honestly forgotten she was in the room. He doesn’t know how, but he did. “I can’t get over it. It’s like watching my little sister fall in love.”

“We’ve been together for four years. I think we’re pretty solidly there. You act like I’m a teenager.”

“Teenage Emma would have slapped me for saying something like that.” Mary Margaret smiles affectionately at Emma, and he can see the affection in Emma’s eyes, even if she sometimes gets annoyed with how Mary Margaret talks to her. “Now let’s go grill some burgers because I’m starving, and I think the boys may throw a riot if they don’t eat soon.”

“Henry and Leo or David and Killian?”

“David and Killian, obviously.”

He shakes his head at the two of them as Mary Margaret picks up the tray of meat and walks outside, Emma quickly following behind her. He’d offered to cook today, but Mary Margaret insisted that she would do it since it wouldn’t take so long. It’s nice coming over to their house to spend some time with them, even if David isn’t home from work yet, having to work a shift on Saturday for one of his cases. He should be home soon, though, and it’s part of what keeps Killian inside the Nolans’ kitchen instead of going outside with everyone else. The other is that Ada is currently napping in her car seat, and since they don’t have a baby monitor here, he didn’t want to leave her inside by herself. They’ve done it plenty of times before, always coming to check on her every few minutes, but he didn’t want to leave his girl right now.

Grabbing a beer bottle out of the fridge, he twists open the top and settles down at the kitchen island, scooting up in the barstool and thumbing at his phone, replying to texts Liam and Belle have sent him today. Emma called Belle first thing this morning and ever since then his brother has been sending pictures they have of Caleb. He’s the cutest thing with the freckles spread across his face and the red hair gracing his head. He looks happy too, and that’s all that really matters to any of them. He’s got some good people who want to be his parents.

He also responds to a few texts from Neal. They haven’t shipped all of his clothes yet, so Killian has to remember to box all of those up and send them on Monday or Tuesday. Henry also wants to send him some more drawings, so he probably needs to get a protective notebook to do that in.

Ada coos in her seat, and he glances over only to see that she’s still asleep, twisting a bit. He smiles before going back to his phone, typing in a few reminders for tonight as he hears the click of the front door, heavy footsteps following it as David comes out of the entryway and into view.

“Just make yourself at home, why don’t you?”

“Always,” he laughs, stretching his arms over his head to ease some of the aches that he’s feeling. “Everyone is out in the backyard. I’m watching Ada while she sleeps.”

“She’ll be fine on her own.”

“I know.” He takes a sip of his drink while David takes off his coat and his badge, placing them on the counter top. “I don’t mind spending some time by myself either.”

“You okay?”

“Yeah? Why would you even ask?”

David points at him, circling his finger around him, and Killian gulps, the façade that he’s been putting on for weeks now crumbling much faster than he thought it would. If he could tell anyone his thoughts, it’d be David. He could always tell Liam, but Liam wouldn’t – Liam wouldn’t know enough to help him. David would. David knows Neal, has known him for nearly as long as he and Emma have, and David might…would David believe him? Would David help him? Could he? He’s a detective. He has resources, far more than Killian does.

Of course, David might also think he’s batshit crazy and tell Emma, making him lose everything he has.

Everything.

“You look like you’ve eaten some rotten sushi.”

“What a pleasant thing to say.”

David shrugs. “It’s the truth, so I ask again, you okay? Are you and Emma okay? God, please tell me that you and Emma are okay.”

He nods his head up and down before leaning forward and rubbing his fingers between his brows, trying to even out the lines, those of age and stress. This is all too much for him. This would be too much for anyone, and he’s not sure that he can carry the weight alone anymore.

Add another notch to his asshole ranking for laying it all down on David as well.

“We’re fine. Well,” he huffs, a dark chuckle escaping his lips as he sits up, straightening his back and not bothering to take a breath, “except for the fact that I think my girlfriend’s ex-husband is some kind of bloody liar who wasn’t really captured for all of that time he was gone.”

The words escape his lips before he can stop them, tumbling out as quickly and as smoothly as the beer runs down his throat. He needs something stronger. He needs rum. Hell, he doesn’t even like beer that much, but it’s something for when he doesn’t want or need to get a little intoxicated.

He kind of wishes he was drunk right now. It would numb the pain he’s feeling and give him a plausible excuse as to the absolute bullshit he just spewed to David.

Honestly, though, he can’t focus on the erratic beating of his heart or the way his lips suddenly feel dry when all he can focus on is David’s lips continuously parting and pressing together, his eyes widened into round saucers, and all of the color on his face palling to a white that matches the white of his knuckles as he grasps them into fists. The man must think he’s insane. He is insane. He is.

But he’s not.

“What the fuck?” David sputters, stumbling back a bit before he straightens himself out, shoulders hunching forward before they push back into their usual broad state.

“Exactly.”

“No, seriously,” David starts again, some of the color coming back into his face as he runs his hand through his hair, making it come out of its styled place, “what the fuck are you talking about?”

“Neal. I’m talking about Neal. Something is wrong there, and I can’t live thinking this by myself anymore and you’re the poor sap who gets to listen to it all.”

“I don’t…I don’t understand.”

“I don’t either.”

“Why are you telling me? Why not Emma? I mean, she could talk you down.”

He laughs again, but it gets stopped, the sound turning into a quiet whisper. “Dave I can’t – I can’t…” He has to stop talking, a sob getting caught in his throat while he massages his face with his fingers in a desperate attempt to calm himself down, all of the emotions beginning to fall loose from the tight hold that he’s had on them now that he’s spoken the words aloud. “I can’t let her get hurt again. She doesn’t deserve it. Emma has been through more than anyone. She was abandoned at birth, had a bad marriage where her husband disappeared and she was left to raise a kid alone, and then that husband came back from the dead. And yet she has trusted me with her heart. I can’t break it. I can’t do that to her.”

“Killian, I think you’re being paranoid. I think maybe you’re jealous of Neal and – ”

“I’m not bloody jealous of Neal,” he barks, slamming his hand down on the kitchen counter, only quieting when he remembers his daughter sleeping a few feet away from him. “I’m fucking pissed at him because something is happening. Something doesn’t match up. Something isn’t right, and I am terrified that whatever is going on is going to hurt Emma and Henry.”

He can feel the tears streaming down his cheek, a hot sting pressing behind his eyes. This can’t be happening. It can’t. He’s going crazy. He’s imagining things. He has to be.

Why can’t he make up his mind?

“Hey, Hey,” David soothes, his voice a quiet whisper, while he leans over the counter and places his hand on Killian’s shoulder. “It’s okay. You’re okay. I don’t want Emma to get hurt either. I love her too.”

“She’s my life,” he croaks, finally looking up at David again. “I have watched her go through so much pain, even the pain I have caused, and I can’t do it again. Not like this. So I need you to help me, okay? I don’t know how. I don’t know what I want you to look into, but something is wrong with Neal. I don’t know, mate. I don’t – for some reason I think he wasn’t captured for all of this time, that he was somehow free. It doesn’t make any sense, but I – ”

“I believe you, okay?” David promises, looking around his kitchen to make sure no one has come inside from the backyard. “You’re right. Something about Neal is off. I haven’t had the opportunity to notice like you, but there are definitely more oddities than before. I just…Killian, he works for the federal government. They’ve screened him. If he was up to something, they’d know.”

“But what if they’re not screening the right person? To them he’s Neal Cassidy, a war hero who’s been gone for eight years. There’s nothing to screen. But what if he’s…what if he’s been going by a different identity. When we were in DC a few weeks ago, this guy came up to him and called him Neal Gold. Neal insisted that the man just knew him from TV, you know? And had gotten the name messed up. But he kept saying that they used to go to The Three Kings in London together. And, yeah, it could have been a mistake, but Dave, I swear that I saw someone who looked just like Neal when Emma and I were in London two years ago. I didn’t think anything of it but…what if that was actually him?”

David doesn’t say anything. He stares in him in silence, his fingers tapping against the counter the only sound besides the pounding of his heart in his chest.

“Fuck. What if you’re right?”

“I know,” he sighs, the weight that’s been pushing him down lifting off of him a little bit. Not much. He’s still hiding things from Emma when he promised he’d never do that. He’s still holding the cards to rip both Emma and Henry apart. He’s holding the cards to have his family ripped from him again, and this time it won’t be for two weeks. It could be forever. “What if I am? I don’t want to be, but what if Neal has been living some kind of secret life? And if he has...why the hell has he come back?”

“Listen, this is crazy. Flat out insane, and this stays between you and me because this is not something that I’m supposed to do, but if you can give me all of the information you have, I’ll do what I can to look into it. You don’t need to be messing with any of this shit.”

“Okay, I can – thank you because I – ”

The kitchen door slams closed, and all of the words on his lips die as Emma comes into the room, her hair falling down over her shoulders and this effervescent smile painted on her lips. She looks beautiful. Happy. And he doesn’t deserve her.

He has never deserved her a day in his life.

“Woah, why so serious guys?” she laughs, her hands ghosting over his back as she grabs a bottle of water out of the fridge, placing it on the counter. When neither of them say anything, she speaks again, “Babe? What’s wrong?”

“Nothing,” he lies, plastering a smile on his face as he turns to look at her, allowing her to place her hands on her chest. She doesn’t believe him, her brows pinched together in distrust.

“What are you hiding from me?”

“Nothing, love,” he says again, wishing he could have thought of other words.

“Killian, I know when you’re lying. Superpower or whatever. I swear it still works.”

“Aye, I just…I think I just desperately need to kiss you right now.”

He leans down to kiss her, to press his lips against hers and feel them be connected, but Emma sways back, her head moving around while she laughs.

“No, seriously. Talk to me. Ignore the fact that my brother is awkwardly standing right next to us.”

“And that’s my cue to leave,” David says, sympathetically shrugging before he walks away and leaves Killian to fight this battle all on his own when he finally felt like he had someone on his side.

Emma looks back to him, her eyes large and pleading, the green as bright as ever, and she slides her hands from his chest until they’re wrapped around his neck as she sways further into him.

“Sometimes I’m overwhelmed is all,” he answers honestly, knowing that he can’t lie to her even if he’s leaving out the truth. “I know feelings are easier for me than for you, but sometimes they’re still hard, you know? I thought I was going to lose you, to lose everything I had, and that does something to a man, even months afterward.” “You’re never going to lose me,” she promises, her gaze never leaving his. “That’s not something you have to worry about.”

“Aye, I know. It still affects me, you know?”

“I know.” Emma presses up on her toes and gently slides her lips over his, the soft warmth that always radiates from Emma consuming him and grounding him, making every single one of his worries fade away if only for the thirty seconds that Emma is gently sucking on his bottom lip. “I love you, Killian Jones. You’re a good man and a good dad. Nothing is ever going to change that.”

“I love you too, and I hope so.”

She tilts her head to the side, that same happy little smile on her face that he loves. “Why don’t you come outside and come play with the kids on the swing set? Your son says you’re the best at getting him really high off the ground, and your daughter just kind of babbles words. But those words are our names, so it’s super cute. We can easily wake her up and be selfish even if we’ll have to pay for it later.”

“I’ll be right out, love.”

Her eyes squint the slightest bit, her gaze entirely focused on him as she studies him. He hopes that he’s not giving anything away, that he’s not letting her know, but he already knows that he has failed.

Emma’s hand moves up to caress his cheek, the softness brushing against the hair on his cheeks, and he closes his eyes and leans into her touch, letting her support him for a moment. “You sure you’re okay? Because you know I’m always here to talk when you’re ready. It’s just us. No walls, no secrets. Just us.”

“I promise I’ll tell you everything later. I’m not…I’m not trying to hide anything from you. It’s simply not the right time yet.”

She gets a little smile on her face then, her eyes lighting up even more than they were, and he realizes that he’s really gone and done it now. Because what else could Emma possibly think he’s hiding from her and only sharing with her brother? She’s waiting on him to propose. She wants him to propose, and that ring is still sitting in his uniform pocket, likely collecting dust.

He’s a bastard who does not deserve this woman’s heart.

“I can wait,” Emma practically sighs, that same smile growing bigger so that the lines around her eyes crease, “but I think you and I both know that there’s no such thing as the right time. And besides, you know me. You know what I’ll say to whatever little plots you’ve got going on in that big brain of yours.”

If only she knew.

“Aye,” he chuckles, twisting his head and kissing her palm, lingering for as long as he can while he simply breathes her in. “Go play with the kids, Swan. I’m going to run to the toilet and bring Ada outside with me. You know I have the bladder of a small child.”

“You do have to pee a lot on road trips.”

“Exactly.”

Emma walks away with a laugh on her face, the sound trailing behind her like music to his ears, but it only calms him for a moment before he’s running to David and Mary Margaret’s guest bathroom and slamming the door behind him, fumbling with the lock so that no one comes in. He can barely breathe, his stomach rolling, and before he can even try to stop it he’s vomiting into the toilet, his eyes filling with tears and his entire body shaking. This is all too much for him, and he just brought David into it too.

He’s likely ruining his entire life.

What is he going to do if everything that matters to him, if everything he has, is taken from him?

What is he going to do if he’s the one to rip everything away from Emma?

He can’t break her heart. She doesn’t deserve it. He’ll live a miserable life thousands of times. He’ll go to the end of the world for her. But he can’t let her get hurt again.

And yet he’s already set the wheels in motion and pushed the damn start button himself. 

[endofjunee]

📖 sweet, sweet fate by @bottomlinsons Harry’s lived with a NSFW soulmark for almost twenty-five years now. When he finally meets the man responsible, he gives him a little piece of his mind. 🌷 Everywhere And Nowhere by @2tiedships2​ Niall took a seat and said, "Apparently Louis' downstairs neighbor is a fan of giving Louis creepy gifts. Maybe I should go introduce myself and tell him that Louis actually prefers food." "What has he given you?" Liam asked.Louis shrugged as it were no big deal. "There was a rabbit's foot keychain on the door a little after he left from introducing himself and there was a small teddy bear sitting by my door tonight. Obviously I can't prove it's from him, but they seem to have his scent. I could be wrong though." "Wow," Liam said, looking deep in thought. "That's old school." "What's old school?" Niall asked. "Giving creepy gifts?" "I've never known an alpha to do it, to be honest, but he's courting you." Louis couldn't contain his look of disbelief directed at Liam. "He's courting me. Like some sort of romantic shit they'd do in the 1800s or something?"

📖 all we can do is keep breathing by @avocadolouie “Harry, I-I’m so sorry…” Louis stutters out, trying to keep his voice level and even, to portray a depiction of strength, but with the way Harry is looking at him, staring at him like he has a personal passage way straight to Louis’ soul, it’s so hard, nearly impossible. That simple opening phrase, that short introductory acknowledgement that is often rushed out so easily, painlessly, at a safe distance. Giving a doctor the ability to portray empathy without true emotion, without feeling the full brunt and sheer force of the underlying pain itself. But Louis feels it, he feels the crushing agony laced behind the phrase, he feels the weight of the painful words slipping from his lips, the cause and effect that the three-word expression holds. The distantly empty “I’m so sorry” that doctors throw out in self-preservation, isn’t at all empty for him. Louis recognizes it, he understands it, he feels it.  Or, a fated story of two broken and battered boys who barely survived the unimaginable and how the love of one little brave girl defies all the odds and somehow puts them back together. 🌷 Baby Honey by @bringmetheharry “Lou, did you see these little baby tea boxes I found yesterday?” He tossed one towards Louis and watched as it thumped Louis in the head. Louis groaned and reached for the little box, rolling it around in his hands, “If you’re about to make a joke about me. I strongly suggest you don’t.” Harry frowned and bounced his tea bag in the water watching the liquid darken, “M’ not! I just thought the baby tea boxes were cute.” Louis’ eyes narrowed and he looked at the tiny boxes, and back at Harry. Harry watched, he could see the wheels turning inside of Louis’ mind. He shifted his weight from one foot to the other. Louis looked at the box once more and back at Harry Or, After four years of Marriage, Harry discovers he is expecting. He could go home and hand the ultrasound photo to his amazing husband, Louis. Or… he could have some fun with this. Only Louis catching on to all the hints Harry is dropping. Or is he? 📖 Do You Wanna Ride by @phd-mama When Liam’s attractive new business partner wins riding lessons with Harry, hilarity ensues. 🌷 Tainted Saints And Velvet Vices by @toomanylarrytears A self-fulfilling Hogwarts AU in which Louis is new to seventh year and Harry is the resident devil-may-care Slytherin set to make his entire experience a living misery. Due to less than favourable circumstances they’re forced to forge an unwilling, tentative relationship for their own survival. Repressed emotions, decidedly unromantic ballroom dancing, Triwizard Tournament tasks, creative jinxes and twilight flying above the Forbidden Forest ensue. 📖 the act of making noise by @suspendrs “Oh,” Harry frowns, waving him off. “No, I could never. I respect myself too much to sing for a living.” It feels like a slap across the face, but Louis does his best not to stiffen, blinking once and then frowning. “What?” “Those people are always so miserable, you know?” Harry says, hopping down off his stool and straightening his sweater. “There’s so much pressure on them, and they have to work so hard to keep up appearances, I can’t even imagine how difficult that is. I can’t even stand to listen to pop music today, let alone watch TV or read the magazines. It makes me so sad, thinking that those people, you know, the ones who actually went into it with heart, they only ever just wanted to make music and instead they got turned into things on leashes being paraded around to make money for other people,” he says. “Anyway, you can have the stool.”  Or, Louis’s famous, Harry has no idea who he is, and they get snowed in together at a ski lodge in Vermont. 🌷 Laundry Room by @thelovejandles The third Wednesday of the new year, Louis finds himself in the laundry room, just as he was the last Wednesday and the one before that. He’s doing pretty well with his New Year’s resolution. The only problem so far is the company he finds in the laundry room. It seems that it’s just him and one other boy who’ve chosen late Wednesday nights as prime laundry-doing time. That wouldn’t be a problem except for who the other boy is. He’s seen this boy around; it’s hard to miss the long-legged, long-haired dream that lives in Louis’ complex. He likes to wear very sheer shirts and very high boots; he is incredibly fucking gorgeous and yeah, Louis’ noticed him but he’s never spoken to him. Until tonight, apparently.  Or, Louis and Harry are both students living in the same apartment complex. They end up having the same laundry night and time. Louis can’t stop staring at Harry and he can’t figure out why Harry consistently points out Louis’ inside-out shirts, and his untied shoes, and messy hair. Enter slow burn-ish flirting, banter, awkwardness, and a lot of laundry. 📖 your rainbow will come smiling through by @hazkabaan When harry isn’t working at his stepfather’s cafe, he’s trying to make swim captain and trying to finish all his coursework on time. when he’s not doing any of those things, he’s talking to the boy he met on the oxford hopefuls subreddit. when they decide to meet, he’s elated. he finally gets the chance to meet the boy he’s been crushing on! when the day comes to meet his prince, he learns that his online crush is none other than louis tomlinson, captain of the football team and friend of his terrible stepbrothers. now harry has to decide whether telling louis the truth is the right choice or if it’s better to just let sleeping dogs lie.  Or, a cinderella story au 🌷 Nothing’s Gonna Stop Us Now by @allwaswell16 Louis is having a personal crisis, a third Valentine’s Day being single. Unless he meets someone this week at the high end department store he works at, he’ll be stuck going to Niall’s Valentine’s Day party–again.  Or, the one where Harry mistakes Louis for a mannequin. 📖 Falling For Me Won’t Be A Mistake by @all-these-larrythings Harry is married to his job and so overworked that he doesn’t know how to stop. All it takes is a forced Hawaiian get-a-away, the warm tropical breeze of the island, and the most beautiful, elusive man he’s ever seen to make him remember what living is like outside of work. Well, that, and the little souvenir he accidentally takes home with him. 🌷 Latching Onto You by @reminiscingintherain “Wait a sec,” Harry interrupted. “Zayn and Liam?” “Yeah, my best mates, who are getting married?” Louis said slowly, slightly baffled at the question. “This is a gay wedding?” “Is that going to be a problem?” Louis asked, his voice losing its friendly edge and taking on a decidedly icy tone.  Or, the one where Louis wants to book Harry Styles to perform at his best friends’ wedding. 📖 Face Your Fears by @sadaveniren Harry is a single father, pretending to be a beta after his alpha mated him and left him. He’s getting by just fine raising the twins when Louis walks into his bakery. Too bad him and Louis will never be a thing. 🌷 streetwise hercules by @bottomlinsons “I said,” Louis’ voice is venomous, “who the fuck is this?”  Right.  This is Harry’s part.  Or Uni AU, where Louis pretends to be Harry’s boyfriend to scare away his one night stands. 📖 Counterbalance by @louandhazaf Harry Styles loves two things: teaching ballet and racing motorcycles. Those two worlds collide when his greatest rival on the track, Louis “Tommo” Tomlinson brings his tiny siblings to Harry’s class. 🌷 cut your teeth on my heart by @turnyourankle (WIP) Louis has worked as a security officer for years, but he’s handed his first opportunity to be team lead. The assignment is nothing like what he expected. Harry has spent years trying to distance himself from the pressure of the Twist name and legacy. But it’s going to be hard to avoid when his mum hires him a bodyguard. 📖 wild love twisting all over for you by @angelichl Harry and Louis meet on the set of a video.

[incredible-dad]

What a man, what a man, what a man, what a mighty good man...

Archetype — The Hero  Birthday — February 18, 1970 Zodiac Sign — Aquarius Sun, Aquarius Rising, Cancer Moon MBTI — ESTP Enneagram — type 2: the Helper Temperament — Choleric Hogwarts House — Ravendor Moral Alignment — Lawful Good Primary Vice — Greed Primary Virtue — Charity Element — Earth

Overview:

Mother — Sarah Parr (nee Johnson) (adopted); Jennifer Peterson (birth) Father — Theodore Parr (adopted); Unknown (birth) Mother’s Occupation — primary schoolteacher Father’s Occupation — pastor Family Finances — comfortably middle class Birth Order — eldest Brothers — William Parr (younger, adoptive, blood child of Sarah and Teddy) Sisters — none. Other Close Family — Helen, Violet, Dash, Jack-Jack; i guess that Helen’s parents are his in-laws but he’s not really close to them because Helen is estranged. Best Friend — Frozone Other Friends — other Supers (mostly deceased) Enemies — The American Government lmao Pets — none, their house is way too hectic, but he grew up on a farm so they had animals there Home Life During Childhood — rosy and idyllic for the most part, his parents were wonderfully accepting of his gifts and even though other people in town kind of shunned him a bit, he won them over for the most part eventually. plus, no one really fucked with him because he could toss you into a building. not that he WOULD but  im js he could. He also grew up quite religious as the son of a southern presbaterian pastor. Town or City Name(s) — Smallville, Kansas; New York City, New York; Astoria, Oregon; Riverside, Iowa;  What Did His or Her Bedroom Look Like — shared with his brother in their little farm house, he wasn’t ever big on decoration or anything, so just whatever his mom decorated it with.  Any Sports or Clubs — no, not officially, he liked to play recreationally, but he wasn’t allowed on any teams because of his powers.  Favorite Toy or Game — loves monopoly, he’s that person that’s really into it and has a whole strategy and everything. He’ll get like MAJORLY competitive and no one really wants to play with him because he takes it really seriously lmao Schooling — his mom was his preschool teacher, and he went to regular rural public school with the same like group of 50 kids up through graduating HS. He got a BA in criminal justice from NYU on a Magick scholarship. Favorite Subject — not really any tbh, not a very studious person, but if he had to choose one he’d probably say science because he finds it interesting. Popular or Loner — he was a loner when his powers first started developing, but by high school he’d practiced really diligently at getting them under control and so he became quite popular after that because he’s very jovial and has a warm personality. Important Experiences or Events — getting adopted, though he doesn’t remember it lol; finding out he had powers; the birth of his brother; getting into NYU; meeting Helen; marrying Helen; joining the NSA; the NSA falling; the birth of Jack-Jack; adopting Violet and Dash Nationality — American Culture — Southern Religion and beliefs — Southern Presbyterian 

Physical Appearance:

Face Claim — David Harbour Complexion — idk white? lmao not super pale, not super dark, no freckles or anything Hair Colour — dirty blond Eye Colour — blue Height — 6’3 Build — stocky and strong Tattoos — none though he always jokes about getting Helen’s name in a heart on his arm Piercings — probably had his ears pierced at one point when he was trying to be #edgy at NYU Common Hairstyle — he’s balding lol Clothing Style — he dresses like a straight white man whose mother dressed him until he went to college and now his wife dresses him Mannerisms — rubs his forehead when he’s frustrated, puts his hands on his hips, crosses his arms, fidgets, sighs when he’s annoyed at you but doesn’t want to say it outright Usual Expression — 

Health:

Overall (do they get sick easily)? — has a very resilent immune system Physical Ailments — none Neurological Conditions — depression Allergies — none Grooming Habits — he wears cologne and shaves and showers, don’t expect much more than that Sleeping Habits — up at the crack of dawn, but not by choice. Grew up on a farm, so it’s just ingrained in him. Can sometimes go back to sleep until like nine, but rarely sleeps in. Is the dad that falls asleep in the recliner watching TV but wakes up if you try to change the channel. Snores. Has to drink a lot of coffee on night shifts. Apparently I have a lot of hcs about Bob’s sleeping habits. Eating Habits — will eat anything, anytime, but Helen’s cooking is his favorite (besides his mom’s) Exercise Habits — eh he’ll go to the gym to keep up pretenses but he has to be really careful, lol. Though, if he doesn’t exercise his strength, it can easily get too amped up, so catch him in the forest chucking trees across the meadows. Emotional Stability — 6; he’d score higher but he has a pretty easily triggered temper. He is easily riled up about things and very passionate, but for the most part he’s pretty jovial and easy to get along with. Body Temperature — runs a little warm Sociability — very friendly, very extroverted, perhaps too friendly, perhaps too extroverted  Addictions — processed sugar Drug Use — none, probably smoked weed in college or something Alcohol Use — not much, will have a few beers with dinner occasionally, but tends not to drink due to his high metabolism it makes it kind of pointless except for the taste and maybe a small buzz if he drinks enough; in college it was a game to see how much it’d take to get him drunk.

Your Character’s Character: 

Bad Habits — not following the rules, being controlling, reacting to situations without thinking Good Habits — loyal, a good communicator when he’s not antsy about things, emotional Best Characteristic — kindhearted Worst Characteristic — obsessive Worst Memory — all the people he’s lost Best Memory — when Jack-Jack was born, when he got married, when he adopted his kids Proud of — his wife, his kids Embarrassed by — his own ineptitude in relating to his kids Driving Style — normal really, not a speed demon or anything; tho he used to be as young person Strong Points — intelligence, friendliness, loyalty Attitude — he’s kind of pessimistic tbh, kind of depressed so he’s always just like *deep sigh Weakness — his brashness Fears — something happening to his family Phobias — lowkey fear of heights Secrets — that he knew about the experiments on the kiddos Regrets — not turning on the NSA faster Feels Vulnerable When — people are pointing out things he has done wrong Pet Peeves — people not listening to him, talking over him, telling him what to do lol Conflicts — his brashness v wanting to take things slow Motivation — to help Short Term Goals and Hopes — none really? Long Term Goals and Hopes — be a good parent, a good husband, and help people Sexuality — straight Day or Night Person — day person, he grew up on a farm Introvert or Extrovert — extrovert  Optimist or Pessimist — pessimist Intelligence — high

Likes and Styles:

Music — dad rock Books — not a biiiig reader, but he does like some history stuff/biographies Magazines — none really Foods — will eat anything but pineapple, but prefers a home cooked meal to eating out Drinks — no preference, will occasionally have a beer w dinner or smth Animals — also no real preference lol Sports — a football fan, will probs get into soccer too, into track bc of dash Social Issues — magick rights, but he’s also Tired Favorite Saying — eh none really Color — Helen’s eyes Clothing — just a regular 50 year old straight man, Helen builds his wardrobe Jewelry — his wedding ring ofc Games — none really, but he’ll get really into playing his kids’ video games with them Websites — none?? Is on the facebook, yes he calls it “the facebook” TV Shows — mindhunters, criminal minds, anything cop related lmao probably like watched game of thrones with helen and other classic tv shows like that Movies — likes comedies best Greatest Want — to protect his family Greatest Need — to let go of the past and heal

[video-killed-the-radio-host]

Father Dearest

With the help of the ever amazing @acealex-blueiguana , we wrote some angst about Cecil’s not very nice father.

TW: racism against Carlos, homophobia, deadnaming, misgendering

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Cecil puts the phone down, his face paler than usual. He leans on the counter and presses a hand over his mouth.

Carlos looks up from his work at the table. "Cecil? What is it?" He stands. "What's wrong? What happened?"

Cecil turns, burying his face in Carlos's shoulder.

"Love, I need you to talk to me." Carlos says softly, rubbing Cecil's back.

Cecil picks up his head. "My father is coming over for dinner." He whispers.

"I thought your father was dead?"

Cecil shakes his head but doesn't look up. "No. I wish I could say he was though."

"Maybe he wants to make amends?"

"You really think so?"

"We shouldn't rule it out."

Cecil nods but doesn't look convinced. He lets out a soft sigh and looks away. "Michael will be home soon."

"What are we going to tell your father?"

"It's none of his damn business!" Cecil snaps before taking a breath. "I'm sorry." He whispers. "I'm sorry."

"Hey." Carlos murmurs, cupping Cecil's face. "We'll figure it out. I promise." He turns as the door opens. Michael stands there for a moment, laughing and waving at presumably at Mika.

Michael walks into the house, shutting and locking the door behind him. "Home!" He calls out and carefully walks to the kitchen counter to lay his backpack down.

Carlos steps away from Cecil after giving him a soft kiss. "How was your day?" He asks,pulling open the fridge. "I'm thinking lasagna for dinner. What do you think?"

"There was a fight at school. Bet ya can guess at least one person involved." He smirks. "Whatever you make is always good. Still better than my house." The words come so easily. This is home to him now, but when did the change in his mind happen?

Carlos laughs. "Even Cecil's cooking is better than your house.'

"Hey! Rude. My cooking isn't that bad."

Carlos closes the fridge. "You made toast inedible."

"Maybe I like it burnt."

"Not even Khoshekh would eat it."

Cecil huffs a pout before looking at Michael. "Michael...um...my father is coming over tonight. I wanted to let you know."

The boy tilts his head, eyebrows furrowed. "Your father? How did he even find you?" He asks before shaking his head and twisting his sleeves. "Do- um- do you want me to stay someplace else while hes here then? I can stay at the station or see if Mika will let me crash with them- theyre normally down for it…"

"I have no idea…" Cecil shakes his head. "No. This is your home and if he doesn't like it, he can leave." As much as he didn't want to admit it, having Michael there would help to keep him grounded.

"Okie dokie." He pauses. "Um… if you change your mind, let me know. I can get Mika to pick me up if needed… I'm not really the greatest kid, and I dont wanna cause problems with your da- father."

"I'd rather have you here than him." Cecil says with a small smile.

Carlos puts the pasta dough and a jar of homemade sauce on the counter. "Do you know anything about your father?"

Cecil shakes his head with a sigh. "Never met him."

"Samesies." Michael says, trying to lighten the mood, before giving Cecil a hug. "We'll figure it out."

"Yes we will because that's what we do." Carlos smiles.

Cecil nods a little, wrapping his arms around Michael. "Yeah."

Unsure how to help right now, the boy changes topic to get Cecils mind on something else. "Mika was in the fight. They did good as usual. They also got suspended but promised they'd still walk me there and hang around until its time for us to go home."

"Who did they fight this time? And why?"

Carlos shakes his head with a laugh. "That kid is something else." He says as he starts to roll out the dough.

"One of the jocks on the football team. They threw food at Roger, so Mika threw a fist." He smiles. "Roger's okay. We checked on him before they got dragged to the office."

"Ah that means I'll be getting a phone call from a conflicted Earl later then." Cecil chuckles softly. "Oh well. I'm glad he had someone to stand up for him."

Carlos looks over his shoulder. "I don't condone fighting but i hope Mika kicked their ass."

"We both try to stand up for him, but Mika does a much better job." He nods. "They definitely kicked his ass. The dude didnt even know what was happening at first."

"I'm sure you won't have a problem with him anymore."

Carlos lets out a loud groan, making Cecil jump. "We are out of garlic!"

"Carlos it's not the end of the world."

"It's bad luck. My mama said that if you don't have garlic in your house when a stranger comes, bad things will happen."

"So get more garlic?" Michael offers. "Did you have garlic when I showed up?"

"Course we did. It wasn't fresh though…"

"I'll just run to the store and-" Cecil is cut off by the doorbell. He pales a little. "He's here." He whispers.

"Breathe, dad. We got this." The boy hugs Cecil tighter. "I'll get the door if ya want."

Cecil shakes his head. "No. I'll be alright."  He takes a deep breath and squares his shoulders before crossing to the front door and opening it. He stared at the man on the other side of the door in shock. He looked just like Cecil, same deep eyes and platinum hair. He was lacking the winding tattoos though as far as Cecil could see. No wonder my mother hated looking at me. Cecil thinks.

Brian stands for a moment before crossing his arms. "You going to make your old man stand outside all night?"

Cecil quietly moves to the side, watching the man enter the house.

Michael grabs his bag off the countertop and slings one strap over his shoulder. "I'll- um- go put my stuff away…" he says to Carlos: his tone hinting at his growing anxiety. Visitors at his house always meant stricter parents than normal. After all, they have to save face and br the happy family the Richardsons claim they are.

He cautiously walks into the living room, doing his best to stay hidden and out of the way. He just has to make it to his room.

Carlos nods and puts a reassuring hand on Michael's shoulder before joining Cecil in the living room. "Hello Mr. Palmer. I'm-"

"Cecil you got yourself a maid?" Brian asks, looking impressed.

"I'm not-"

"Carlos is my husband." Cecil corrects.

"No. No son of mine is a fag."

Michael tenses at the word. "Not really your son." The kid, against his better judgement, mumbles under his breath as he's halfway across the room.

That catches Brian's attention and he studies the child. "You must be Michelle. The nice lady in yellow at the station told me about you."

"His name is Michael." Cecil says, shoulders tense. "And-"

Sensing that Cecil is about to ramble, Carlos speaks up. "Would you like a drink? Dinner is in the oven so we have about forty five minutes before we can eat."

"Got any whiskey?"

"We don't drink."

Brian cocks an eyebrow. "Since when? Last I heard you were a drunk and a whore." He snaps at Michael. "Get me a drink girl."

Of course she did. Lauren is just wonderful that way isnt she. Michael tries to brush off the sinking feeling in his stomach. He still has to put his bag away after all, so he ignores the request. Brian makes him feel similar to his Father, but Cecil and Carlos wouldnt let him hurt him. Right?

So Michael just grips his strap tighter and continues walking to the guest room. Theyve got forty five minutes to survive this "pleasant" conversation. He can manage that.

"Leave him alone. I'll get your drink." Cecil stands, grateful for the excuse to leave the room. He gets a glass of water but leans on the counter to collect himself. He hears his father call after him, something about not liking his attitude.

"Kids these days. To lazy to even listen." He looks at the Hispanic man he was left alone with. "It's bad enough my son is a fag but he settled for a mexican of all people?"

Carlos tightens his jaw and waits before answering. "I am not a Mexican. Not all Hispanics are from Mexico. I'm from Chile."

"I don't care what you are."

Michael flings his bag onto the bed. "People fucking suck." He says to himself. He doesnt want to go back out there, but he doubts Carlos or Cecil would be happy with him hiding away. So he snags his rubiks cube off the night stand and makes his way back to the living room.

"I'm not going to sit here and let you insult me."

"Well you're free to go back to the field you came from with-" Brian clicks his tongue. "Six bastard kids?"

"Here." Cecil interrupts before Carlos could answer. "All we have is water." That isn't the truth but his father didn't need to know about the bottle of wine stored away for a special day.

"Damn took you long enough. I see your mother didn't teach you anything about good manners."

"She was too busy raising two kids by herself."

"And what's your excuse with her?" He gestures at Michael.

Michael glances up at him before turning his attention back to the rubiks cube. It's the only way to keep himself from misbehaving. The click of the cube and the ability to keep his hands busy help his anxiety in a manner that doesnt destroy the sleeves of hoodies. Hes trying to swallow the growing pit of dysphoria, knowing that this evening will only make it worse.

"He's fine." Carlos sits down in a recliner as Cecil settles in the rocking chair. "You're hardly in a place to give parenting advice."

Cecil looks over, his face pale again. "Carlos…"

Brian shakes his hand and sets the glass down with a thud. "What you know about being a father? Besides the fact that you're supposed to throw sandals at them to shut them up."

The boy flinches at the cup and bites his tongue. He wants to say something. He wants to stand up for his dads, but hes scared. He doesnt know how Brian will react, and hes only just starting to heal again after being beaten by his own father.

"Is there a reason you're here or did you just come to insult my lifestyle?"

Looking away from Carlos, Brian looks at Cecil. "You'll do well to speak when spoken to boy."

"You'll do well to-"

"Why don't we change the subject?"

Michael keeps his head down, afraid of what might happen if he steps out of line. He's nearly done with solving the rubiks cube. Click. Click. Click. The sound near deafening when the conversation has silences.

"Fine. Straight to the chase then."

Cecil doesn't answer, pulling out his latest project and a set of knitting needles. He does look up when he feels eyes on him.

"Do you have any sense of manhood at all?"

"He could kill you with those needles." Carlos muses. "And I'd help."

Click. Click. Click. The boy smiles as he solves the cube. "Carlos?" He asks. Waving the cube at the scientist, he silently asks for him to shuffle before tossing it across the room to him.

Carlos catches the cube and looks at it for a moment before beginning to shuffle it. He turns it and shakes his head, shuffling it more before tossing it back. "There ya go."

"Some of us appreciate the beauty in art and take pride in what they make." He looks up at his father. "Even if it isn't what you want." He had a cold but sad look in his eyes.

"If it isn't good enough, toss it away and start over. That's common sense."

"The Chinese fix broken things with gold to show they are still beautiful despite being broken."

"Well last I check we are not Chinese. And we are to good for broken things. When something breaks, throw it away."

Michael scoffs at Brian's first words. That's what his birth parents did, but Cecil is different. "And you know all about common sense." He mutters as he works on the cube again. The kid knows he's not suppose to speak but cant help it. This dick is a moron, and hes lucky that Mika didnt stay for dinner like usual.

"Excuse me little girl?"

"You're good at throwing things away." Cecil whispers.

"You will not speak to your father that way."

"You cant call yourself that. You're just a deadbeat sperm donor." Michael snaps before he can catch himself.

"That is definitely out of line…" He mentally scolds himself. "Mika will find this amusing."

"You gave up the right to call yourself my father when you walked out before my mother and I even left the hospital." Cecil snaps, dropping his project to his lap.

"You haven't earned the right to have me be your father."

"You never even gave me the chance to try and be good enough for you!"

Carlos flinches at Cecil's words but tenses as Brian stands.

Panic and fear flood Michael's system when Brian stands, but the idea of him hurting Cecil forces himself to his feet. A giant on one end and a teen a little over five feet on the other. Brian is like his Father, but for some reason he doesnt feel as terrified standing up to him. "This is not your house. You do not get to talk to my dad like that." He growls.

Cecil keeps his eyes level with Brian as he stands, despite his heart pounding in his chest. Especially when Michael speaks.

Brian stops his track toward Cecil and turns on Michael. "You do not tell me how to deal with my son. I'm too late to make a decent man but I'm sure that can change."

Cecil stands and moves across the room, stopping in front of the older man. "I am not afraid of you, Brian Alexander Palmer."

Cecil barely flinches when a wide hand comes across his face.

"You do not get to address me like that. I am your father!"

"Abby was more of a father to me than you ever could have been."

Carlos manages to catch Brian's wrist before he can hit Cecil again. The motion causes Brian's sleeve to slip down a little.

Cecil's eyes fall on the marks on Brian's arms. The needle marks he knew all too well. I'm just like him….

Maybe Mika wasnt the best influence, or maybe they were the best one Michael could have.

As soon as Brian hit Cecil, Michael was reacting. He would gladly take pain if it kept Cecil safe. Rage immediately flooded the panic that was in his chest, and he throws the rubiks cube directly at Brian's head. "Asshole!" Michael yells. Hands clenched into fists; his body moving forward towards the bastard. Fight or flight. For once the boy chooses to fight.

Brian's head snapped to the side when it was struck by the plastic cube and he jerks his hand free from Carlos's grip. "You little bitch!" He brings his heel down on the cube, feeling it break under his foot. "I'll put you in your place since my worthless son can't seem to do that."

Cecil and Carlos react at the same time, rushing toward Brian as he lunges toward Michael.

Carlos manages to get ahold of the back of Brian's shirt but Cecil gets an elbow to the Face and stumbles back.

Too late to change my mind now. Michael's eyes dart to Cecil as he gets knocked back, but he stands his ground. Fists clenched, and eyes determined. He knows how to dodge and throw a punch. Hes not allowed to defend himself, but hes not defending himself right now. Hes defending Cecil. Hes defending his dad.

Carlos pulls Brian back towards him and away from Michael. "Not in my house."

Brian struggles against Carlos's hold. "The little brat needs to know her place."

Cecil picks himself up, nose bleeding a little but he didn't care. "You will not lay a hand on my son."

"My place is here. You do not get to talk to my dads like that." Murder in the boy's eyes.

"Where is your real family? Cause I sure as hell know this isn't it. Cecil's to dumb to keep anything alive more than a week."

"Out." Cecil says, voice shaking a little. "I want you out of my house."

"I came for dinner and we haven't eaten yet so I'm not leaving until I get what I came for."

Carlos brings his free and up to grasp the back of Brian's neck. "You heard him."

"This is my real family. But you havent met everyone." His eyes hold fire as he stares at the bastard. "Trevor! Can you help? Please!" The boy yells, making sure the sheriff's secret policeman can clearly hear. "Be lucky Mika didnt stay for dinner, or youd already be dead. You are nothing but worthless scum. So get out."

"Who the hell is Trevor?"

"If you bothered to stick around, you'd know." Cecil couldn't fight the smirk as the door was flung open.

"In my defense," Trevor says as he makes his way toward where Brian was struggling in Carlos's hold. "I would have intervened sooner but I didn't want to spook you. Also I found cool lizard in the bush." The Secret Policeman stops in front of Brian. "I was wondering if I'd ever see your face again Brian. I haven't missed it." He punches Brian in the nose, causing a satisfying crack. "That's for hitting an upstanding member of our town." He then thumbs Brian's forehead. "That's cause you're ugly."

"I appreciate it, Trevs." Michael smiles. "Did ya get any pictures of the lizard?"

"Hold em for me?" Trevor takes Michael's hand and puts down a blue gecko with orange spots. "It's not poisonous. I already checked. I'll take this" He takes ahold of Brian's arm. "And be back soon."

"You better take your hands off of me! I have rights!"

"Night Vale doesn't work like the outside world and I'm sure you'll find that out." Carlos calls with a wave before looking back at Cecil.

His nose had stopped bleeding which is good but he still was shaken up.

"Hey" Carlos says softly. "It's alright. He's gone now."

The boy cups his hands to keep the gecko in his hold. "I'm sorry for not behaving and staring a scene… I didnt mean for you to get hurt…" Michael whispers. He made it worse. Maybe he shouldve stayed with Mika.

Cecil shakes his head. "I was dumb to think he would be a nice guy." He sits down and puts his head in his hands. "I'm sorry I let him in here. I should have known better."

"There's no way you could have known…"

"I should have known! And what if I turn out just like him? I already am like him…." He groans. "I should have known."

Michael plays with the lizard as he walks over to Cecil. "Hey…" He gently taps Cecil with his foot. "You're not like him. I can prove it. Do ya want me t list all the ways I already know you're nothing like him?"

"He has my face and…" he leans down and rolls up his pant leg, revealing the needle scars. "It's easier to hide on my legs. I'm no better than he is."

The boy ignores Cecils attempt to argue. Hes not shocked by the scars; Em had told him about Cecil's past before. Still playing with the lizard, he sits on the floor.

"You dont drink. Ya dont misgender me- not accidentally and never intentionally unless it's to keep me safe from Mother and Father. You dont snap demands at me. You're not racist or sexist. Ya see good in broken things, and you dont see them as just trash to be thrown away. You havent walked out on your family." He lists. "Ya never broke my rubiks cube before." He gives a small smile. "You let me play with Tic Tac which I know he wouldnt ever allow if they belonged to him. You're a good dad."

"According to Abby so was he until I came along."

"And yet...you made the best you could with a shitty hand and you didn't let it beat you. Because you're stronger than he is. You are not your past. And you are not him. You are better than him."

"According to my case worker, Mother and Father were good people before I came along. Does it make it my fault that they're not good people now?" He asks wanting to prove a point.

Cecil opens his mouth to argue but whatever he was going to say was cut off by the over going off.

"See? Even the oven disagrees with you." Carlos chuckles. He stands and goes to the oven to pull dinner out.

"I know this shouldn't bother me as much as it does but it's a...chain isn't it? Hereditary?" He runs a hand through his hair. "I don't want to be like that."

"Theres no way you'll be like that. Carlos wouldnt let ya. You arent your father. Hes more of a sperm donor actually, and that doesnt determine how the kid will turn out. I dont know my birth parents, but I dont think I'm like them. I mean I wouldnt give up a defenseless kid and have them left in the snowy night only a couple hours of being alive. That's just a messed up thing to do." He pauses, taking one of Cecils hand and letting the gecko crawl onto it. "You already have shown that you're much better than Brian. You're a dad. Hes a deadbeat."

Cecil gives a small smile at the lizard before looking up at Michael. "It isn't often we switch roles." He says, his expression soft. "You're such a good kid."

"No, I'm a terrible child." He smiles. "Mika is so gonna have a field day when they find out I yelled and threw my rubiks cube at your sperm donor."

"I hope he's locked away when you tell them about how I let myself get slapped because they might go nuts."

"You didnt even flinch! I dont know how you did that! I flinched when he put his cup down too hard."

"I think I knew it was coming. I've spent enough time with pissing off Lauren to know when I'm about to get hit. Or stabbed. Or kicked. Or- yeah. I think you get the idea."

"I'm use to it too, but I still flinch. Even when m not gonna get hit, I still flinch. Its impressive."

"Tell ya a secret. I almost went into cardiac arrest. It's amazing I didn't."

"How about you stop talking about dying and come eat before this gets cold?" Carlos calls.

"I propose after dinner we watch a movie and try to salvage this evening. What do you think?"

"I couldve fought him. You and Carlos were quick to shutting that down though. Lame." He giggles and stands up, grabbing Cecils arm and trying to pull him up. "What movie?"

"I didn't want to risk you getting hurt. I can take more than you can." Cecil points out as he stands. "Coraline?"

"If I can knock you on your ass and slam Father into a wall with my ankle more sprained than usual, I think I could handle Brian." He huffs before smiling. "Okie dokie."

"I had never met him. I don't know what kind of damage he could do. I refused to risk your safety. And that's all I'm saying on it." Cecil says, hoisting Michael over his shoulder and depositing him at the kitchen table.

The boy squeaks when Cecil lifts him up and laughs when he gets dropped off at the table.

"Children. Settle down so we can eat." Carlos said,sitting the pan on the table. "Don't make me smack you both with a spoon."

"Uh rude."

"Oh hush and eat."

[dean-bluesteel-winchester-spnfam]

All of the questions! It’s tradition!

1. coffee mugs, teacups, wine glasses, water bottles, or soda cans?Eh. Mugs. Still don’t really get how to even hold a wine glass. Like soda cans too though.

2. chocolate bars or lollipops?Chocolate bars. I leave the lollipops for Gabe.

3. bubblegum or cotton candy?Cotton Candy is heaven.

4. how did your elementary school teachers describe you?Probably not very nice. Never really talked, didn’t do homework. I was always late and sometimes didn’t go at all, so I could stay home with Sammy.

5. do you prefer to drink soda from soda cans, soda bottles, plastic cups or glass cups?Sods cans.

6. pastel, boho, tomboy, preppy, goth, grunge, formal or sportswear?I have no idea what most of that means? Grunge I think...? Wait, lumberjack is what Cas called it.

7. earbuds or headphones?Headphones!

8. movies or tv shows?While I do love Dr. Sexy, Movies are my everything.

9. favorite smell in the summer?Freshly cut grass.

10. game you were best at in p.e.?Hmm does wrestling count? Otherwise football.

11. what you have for breakfast on an average day?Coffee, eggs and bacon. Maybe some pancakes.

12. name of your favorite playlist?‘All the songs Sam hates’

13. lanyard or key ring?Key ring.

14. favorite non-chocolate candy?Gummi bears!

15. favorite book you read as a school assignment?Holes from Louis Sacher

16. most comfortable position to sit in?On Cas’ lap, leaning back against his chest.

17. most frequently worn pair of shoes?My boots.

18. ideal weather?Sunny, a bit windy. Not too cold or too warm.

19. sleeping position?On my tummy, tucked against Cas.

20. preferred place to write (i.e., in a note book, on your laptop, sketchpad, post-it notes, etc.)?I have a... journal. That nobody can ever find.

21. obsession from childhood?Cowboys, ninja turtles, batman

22. role model?Castiel.

23. strange habits?A lot. Always sleep with a gun. Get nervous when Sammy is not around. NEVER let anyone drive Baby.

24. favorite crystal?Blue Calcite.

25. first song you remember hearing?Hey Jude.

26. favorite activity to do in warm weather?Swimming.

27. favorite activity to do in cold weather?Sleeping.

28. five songs to describe you?I was born for this. - Royal deluxeDevils can’t fly.  - Natalia KillsHighway to Hell - AC/DCJust one Yesterday - Fall Out BoyBad Blood - Welshey Arms

29. best way to bond with you?Over my Baby or Pie.

30. places that you find sacred?Hell. Purgatory. apocalyptic world.

31. what outfit do you wear to kick ass and take names?Flannel, soft pair of jeans and my boots.

32. top five favorite vines?I have no idea.

33. most used phrase in your phone?‘I love you’ or maybe ‘I’m sorry.’

34. advertisements you have stuck in your head?Coca Cola Christmas ones.

35. average time you fall asleep?Midnight.

36. what is the first meme you remember ever seeing?This weird frog.

37. suitcase or duffel bag?Duffle bag!

38. lemonade or tea?Both.

39. lemon cake or lemon meringue pie?PIEEEE.

40. weirdest thing to ever happen at your school?Ghost tried to kill me.

41. last person you texted?Cas.

42. jacket pockets or pants pockets?I love jacket pockets.

43. hoodie, leather jacket, cardigan, jean jacket or bomber jacket?4Leather jacket.

44. favorite scent for soap?Lemon. Weirdly enough honey too since Cas always uses it.

45. which genre: sci-fi, fantasy or superhero?Superhero!

46. most comfortable outfit to sleep in?Puh. Pretty embarrassing but Cas was right, when he bought me actual pajamas. Not telling how they look tho.

47. favorite type of cheese?Don’t care, but it has to be melted.

48. if you were a fruit, what kind would you be?Strawberry?

49. what saying or quote do you live by?Enjoy the moment and don’t think about the future.

50. what made you laugh the hardest you ever have?When Sammy sees a clown.

51. current stresses?Wedding stresses.

52. favorite font?Times New Roman.

53. what is the current state of your hands?Hurt. I got hurt on the last hunt.

54. what did you learn from your first job?How to use a gun.

55. favorite fairy tale?The little mermaid.

56. favorite tradition?Trick or Treating on Halloween. That counts right?

57. the three biggest struggles you’ve overcome?1. To be me, regardless of what my father says.2. I’m allowed to love a man.3. No matter how hard you try, you can’t save everyone.

58. four talents you’re proud of having?1. I’m very good at playing pool.2. I can juggle.3. I’m learning Enochian.4. Making Cas come.

59. if you were a video game character, what would your catchphrase be?‘I’m Batman!’ Oh! Or ‘Where is my freaking pie?’

60. if you were a character in an anime, what kind of anime would you want it to be?Porn obviously.

61. favorite line you heard from a book/movie/tv show/etc.?It’s always the darkest just before the dawn.

62. seven characters you relate to?1. Tony Stark2. Klaus Hargreeves3. Draco Malfoy4. Sherlock Holmes5. Bruce Wayne6. Bucky Barnes7. Peter Quill

63. five songs that would play in your club?Everything from AC/DC to Led Zeppelin.

64. favorite website from your childhood?None.

65. any permanent scars?Ha so many I can’t count them. My body is a mess.

66. favorite flower(s)?Sunflowers.

67. good luck charms?No. Had that one and it didn’t work out..

68. worst flavor of any food or drink you’ve ever tried?Ew! Sushi.

69. a fun fact that you don’t know how you learned?I have no idea what that could be.

70. left or right handed?Right handed.

71. least favorite pattern?Don’t think I have one.

72. worst subject?Art

73. favorite weird flavor combo?Vanilla and honey.

74. at what pain level out of ten (1 through 10) do you have to be at before you take an advil or ibuprofen?15.

75. when did you lose your first tooth?With six. I was pretty scared because Dad wasn’t there.

76. what’s your favorite potato food (i.e. tater tots, baked potatoes, fries, chips, etc.)?Fries!! But I love it all.

77. best plant to grow on a windowsill?Ask Cas.

78. coffee from a gas station or sushi from a grocery store?Coffee.

79. which looks better, your school id photo or your driver’s license photo?Both are bad but driver’s license photo is at least a bit better.

80. earth tones or jewel tones?Earth.

81. fireflies or lightning bugs?Fireflies.

82. pc or console?PC.

83. writing or drawing?Writing.

84. podcasts or talk radio?Talk Radio. But both are bad. I just want music.

84. barbie or polly pocket?Barbie. I... wanted one as a kid, don’t ask how that ended.

85. fairy tales or mythology?Ugh. Fairy tales, at least they don’t wanna kill me. Most of the times.

86. cookies or cupcakes?cookies (PIE)

87. your greatest fear?Losing Cas and my family.

88. your greatest wish?Being happy with a few kids and my husband. Just, having a normal life.

89. who would you put before everyone else?Cas and Sammy. Did it before and would do it again.

90. luckiest mistake?Going to hell and getting saved by Cas?

91. boxes or bags?Bags.

92. lamps, overhead lights, sunlight or fairy lights?Sunlight... but I don’t have that in my bedroom.

93. nicknames?Pumpkin, Honeybee, Deanie Beanie... and it goes on. But also Dee and Deano.

94. favorite season?Summer.

95. favorite app on your phone?Ehhh?

96. desktop background?

97. how many phone numbers do you have memorized?Three. My mum, Cas and Sammy.

98. favorite historical era?No clue.

[popunktomlinson]

summer ‘19 fic rec

so i read a lot of fanfic this summer and mostly just made this for myself for reference but figured i would publish it if anyone wants some fic recs!! 

RE-READS

Young & Beautiful - Velvetoscar (227k)

Louis, to his horror, attends an elitist university in which the name Zayn Malik means something, Niall Horan doesn't stop talking, there are pianos everywhere, and Harry Styles, only son of a drug-addled, clinically insane ex-rocker, has a perfect smile and empty eyes.

Special Topping - LoadedGunn (13k)

'Who would even want so many pizzas so late at night?' Harry wonders before the door opens.

Oh. Apparently short guys with shaggy brown hair and a scruff and bright blue eyes and heart-stopping smiles. That's who.

Harry's not even ashamed of how he nearly drops all the pizzas. This guy is gorgeous and Harry hasn't noticed anyone like that in ages, let alone provided services to them. If he opened his mouth right now the only thing that would come out is, "By special topping did you mean my dick?"

Or, the AU where Harry delivers pizza and Louis really just wants Tim Gunn to spank him.

Do You Wanna - Randominity (12k)

"I got a question for you, mate," the lad says. "You wanna make a quick fifty quid?" (*PWP)

I Had The Life Of Ordinary, I Spat It Out - TableForThree (22k)

Harry Styles falls asleep a sixteen year old boy nervous about his upcoming X-Factor audition that could make or break his career. He wakes up a twenty-six year old man with a husband and two children, and no recollection of the past ten years.

These Inconvenient Fireworks - wontsitstill (190k)

Future AU in which nobody tries out for X Factor but the boys end up finding one another eventually anyway. Louis is a jaded bastard who owns a cat named Duchess and teaches drama to teenagers, Harry is an idealistic aspiring photographer/part-time footy coach, Zayn teaches English lit and wears leather jackets, Liam saves people from burning buildings, and Niall is Niall.

Red Brick Heart - hazmesentir (98k)

Harry has only had his room for thirty-two minutes when it stops being his.

Uni AU. Harry had turned up at the halls of residence expecting fun, new friends, and maybe a life experience or two. What he doesn't expect is a surprise roommate who's loud and dramatic and obsessed with tea and is maybe, actually, all he's ever wanted.

Unbelievers - isthatyoularry (136k)

It’s Louis’ senior year, and he’s dead set on doing it right. However, along with his pair of cleats, a healthy dose of sarcasm and his ridiculous best friend, he’s also got a complicated family, a terrifyingly uncertain future, and a mortal enemy making his life just that much worse. Mortal enemies “with benefits” was not exactly the plan.

Or: The one where Louis and Harry definitely aren’t friends, and football is everything.

NEW READS

As You Are - Zarah5 (139k)

AU. Five years after The X Factor launched his career as a radio host and songwriter, Louis Tomlinson returns as a judge. Falling for a contestant is the last thing he needs. It's also against his contract.

rivers ‘til i reach you - embodied (29k)

AU. Louis studies astronomy; Harry studies Louis. They spend their summers on the water and it shouldn't be complicated (spoiler: it is).

Born to Make You Happy - objectlesson (25k)

Harry makes a quiet vow to himself that he will be the very best girlfriend Louis has ever had, even if he never actually gets to be Louis’s girlfriend.

Swallow The Knife - whoknows (76k)

“You came,” Louis says, still breathless, clinging to Harry, uncaring that his sweat is getting all over Harry’s presumably clean dad shirt, or that he’s making Harry hold up all of his weight.

“Of course I came,” Harry says. He shifts, one arm curled underneath Louis’ arse, the other spreading wide in the middle of Louis’ back. “If I ignored you every time you pissed me off we would have stopped being friends a long time ago.”

And That’s The Tea - 2tiedships2 (27k)

I’d like an Earl Grey with milk and sugar, please.

Or, the one where Louis loses his soulmate before even getting the chance to meet them, and he is in no way prepared for the kind of distraction his new friend Harry proves to be.

You Know It’s Christmas (My Heart Is Open Wide) - messofgorgeouschaos (21k)

In which Louis is a cast member at Saturday Night Live, and a past airport encounter comes back to haunt him before their Christmas episode.

blue is all i’ve ever really known - coffeelouis (5k)

In order to keep things "light and breezy," Louis and Harry have established a comprehensive set of rules which will ensure they don't screw up their professional working relationship with this date they're (finally) going on.

Absolutely nothing could go wrong.

[or, the BROOKLYN NINE-NINE AU that no one asked for and I wrote anyway]

Once Upon A Time - objectlesson (26k)

“M’not gonna half-ass our fake relationship,” Louis almost snaps, voice sharp with a defensive edge, like Harry wandered too close to a bruise with needy fingers. “Now kiss me again. We’re gonna make every shitty tourist here wish they had stayed in the Midwest. We’re gonna burn Disneyland down with our gay. ”

Harry shuts his eyes and opens his mouth, because he can’t fucking say no to Louis.

Or, a fake dating AU where everyone is lying and they happen to be at the Happiest Place on Earth.

Make Your Words A Weapon - HelloAmHere (36k)

There’s no single path forward from the connection, no truth other than the truth that the person whose words you carry is out there, an undefined something that you’re going to have to deal with.

In whatever way you can possibly deal with meeting the stranger who's always been there, and always been missing.

OR: Louis is a music critic, Harry is a rockstar, soulmates are destiny but no one ever said destiny was easy, music is everything.

Drawn to You - lulullawrence (8k)

It had started with Louis getting in trouble for coloring on himself when he hadn’t touched a felt tip pen the entire day. Through the years, the random drawings had evolved and changed. There was a period in sixth form when his soulmate must have gotten shy or something, because the drawings only happened after school hours and in places that others wouldn’t be as likely to see. The inside of his bicep, his thigh. A couple times he even had drawings appear on his ribcage. While he didn’t mind those few years, he did seem somewhat soothed when they began to appear on his left arm again. He’d missed them.

Or that completely self indulgent soulmates au that plays out in not always romantic ways.

i was getting kinda used to being someone you loved - werebothstubborn (8k)

Louis manages to look apologetic as he licks slobbery circles around Harry's palm until he lets go. “Pretend to be my boyfriend,” he says, dramatically gulping in as much air as he can breathe.

“I’m sorry, what?”

Even Your Honey Dew - objectlesson (9k)

It probably says something about Harry that he’s so obsessed with another omega’s arse.

Powerless (and I Don’t Care It’s Obvious) - objectlesson (4k)

“Oh no, Lou, don’t make me laugh,” he whimpers. His Ribena-purple mouth twists into a glorious, breakable shape, and Louis’s heart stops. He should not be getting turned on by Harry’s full-bladder discomfort, his little twitches, his hips-stuttering. And yet.

Only One at the Finish Line - objectlesson (9k)

“What don’t I know?!” Louis shouts, and then Harry is rounding on him, close enough that he can feel the heat of his body, the rage and the glory and the pain of it so close that it blinds him.

“I want to be another alpha’s omega,” is what he says, and it comes out like something reckless, something wild. Like he doesn't care anymore if Louis hates him or not, if Louis understands, he just needs to speak his truth aloud to darkness, to the slender pines that surround them like a jury panel.

Take Me Under the Blue - objectlesson (19k)

Louis hasn’t even seen his legs yet. He doesn’t know how they work or how long they’ll be. Maybe they won’t suit the rest of Harry at all, and he’ll have to grow into them or something. It doesn’t matter; Louis has loved Harry for a year with scales, so he can’t imagine wonky legs putting a damper on his attraction.

He supposes he’ll just have to find out. In the meantime, he wonders how the fuck he got here, in his squelching wellies about to save the love of his life from the sea and take him to bed and bang him for the very first time.

It’s sort of a long story.

Life Saver - objectlesson (30k)

Louis is a sweetheart punk with a theater background and a heart of gold, Harry is an inexperienced nerd who plays by the rules. Classmates, lab partners, and eventually friends, what happens when Louis knows he’s in love, but doesn’t know how tell Harry?

you are half of me (and I am all for you) - angelichl (24k)

One Direction, an obscure indie rock band, is about to embark on their first cross-country tour, living out of Louis' beloved van named Patricia.

Harry is in love, and Louis is oblivious. Or is he?

Featuring skinny-dipping in Texas waterfalls, getting lost in the desert, stargazing under the New Mexico sky, performing in front of crowds that grow in size each night, and falling in love on the road during the greatest summer of their lives.

say that you can see me (i’ll speak up i swear) - coffeelouis (20k)

“Well, it’s not like anyone really RSVPs,” Liam defends when Harry turns back to him, “No one takes Facebook events seriously.” Harry rolls his eyes, still finding it within himself to get annoyed in his moment of panic. Liam has been complaining about the lack of accountability Facebook events have bred in their generation since their freshman year. Harry glances back to the gallery entrance. Yep, still there and moving closer.

“But aren’t you guys friends?” Harry asks, trying to convey the urgency in his tone.

“Well, I mean, I talk to him when he stops by the office for supplies sometimes,” Liam reasons, “But I wouldn’t say we’re friends, exactly. Maybe more like, friendly acquaintances?”

[or, the liberal arts COLLEGE AU where Harry knows Louis as the best friend of the boy he has been hopelessly in love with for years now and Louis knows Harry as the boy he wished would look away from Zayn long enough to notice him.]

Let Our Hearts Collide - crinkle-eyed-boo (76k)

When Harry, a lonely transit worker, saves the life of the handsome commuter he's been secretly pining for, an innocent mistake results in Liam Payne's family believing that Harry is engaged to their son. In the Paynes, Harry finds the big family he's always longed for...and a love he never saw coming.

A While You Were Sleeping AU

Head Over Heels - Sasparella76 (26k)

Louis Tomlinson and Harry Styles are both up and coming editors at Cowell Publishing. Louis thinks Harry is brilliant at his job and beyond gorgeous. It’s just a pity that Harry is also the most annoying man Louis has ever met.

just one look (and i fell so hard) - disgruntledkittenface (15k)

Harry has wanted to go to the Shubert Theatre ever since he moved to New York and lucked into a rent-controlled apartment just outside of the Theatre District. When he finally gets his chance, he hopes the night can meet his sky-high expectations. But the last thing he could have expected was the man seated next to him.

Golden Like Sands of Time - afirethatcannotdie (51k)

“You need to change this one,” Zayn says, pointing to number six. “It’s unrealistic. It needs to be something you can actually achieve.” “What’s unachievable about a summer romance?” Harry asks, offended. “Nothing, it’s just… what if it doesn’t happen?” Harry pouts. He can totally have a summer romance. It’s just about finding the right person. “What about… kiss a stranger?” "Perfect."

waiting for the tides to meet - anonymous (60k)

Soulmate AU. Everyone is born with heterochromia — one eye is their own eye colour, while the other is the colour of their soulmate's. It's only when they meet their soulmate for the first time that their own eyes match properly. After a hazy night at a frat party, Louis wakes up to blue eyes and the shocking realization that he had met his soulmate, without any sober recollection. Seven years pass where Louis comes to terms with the fact that he'll never know who his soulmate is. Then one fated summer, a beautiful green-eyed photographer arrives at Louis' workplace, with promises of endless laughter and a familiar feeling in Louis' heart.

Lightning Strikes Twice - dinosaursmate (104k)

Louis slipped his hand onto Harry’s thigh, snaking his fingers up and inwards. “I’m a big fan. You’re so talented, and I have to admit that I actually fancy you a bit.” “Yeah?” Harry reached up to push Louis’ fringe out of his eyes. “Well, you know, I like to try and be accommodating to my fans.” “You’re quite well known for that,” Louis whispered as he turned his head some more, their mouths an inch apart. “So I hear.” --- Rock star Harry Styles was nineteen when he met Louis, a groupie with a huge heart that Harry couldn’t quite shake from his mind. Fate granted him a second chance at the age of sixty, his washed up and lonely existence being transformed by a widower with a bookshop.

Make Tea, Not War - adventuring + howdoyouwhisk (20k)

"Hopeless, hopeless flatmate. Would you rather be with one of these guys?"

"Nope!"

Or: Louis attempts to become a better flatmate, much to Harry's dismay.

Ain’t That A Kick In The Head! - lesbianharrie + wreckingtomlinson (22k)

In which Harry’s a disaster gay who doesn’t know shit about soccer, Liam drinks too many blue raspberry Coolattas, Niall knows everyone, Zayn looks dead, and Louis is Not Happy about sharing his breakout moment with “Drunk Hawaiian Guy.”

Let Me Feel Your Heartbeat - angelichl (34k)

Harry is 98% sure Louis hates him. So he feels like his bewilderment is justified when the omega offers to help him through his rut.

Life At Shutter Speed - zarah5 (20k)

AU. Having landed a job modelling for an outdoor clothing catalogue, Harry certainly wouldn’t mind doing some extracurricular work for photographer Louis Tomlinson. Say, a private photo session? Yes, please? Good thing that Harry has ten days and three beautiful locations -- Morocco, Indonesia and the Swiss Alps -- to make Louis see just how good they could be.

stars are guiding me back - coffeelouis (80k)

Directing the first ever season of The Bachelor with a bisexual star is a huge career move for Louis. After throwing himself into his career, he finally has the opportunity to prove himself as a director with a unique vision.

For Harry, being cast as the first ever Bi Bachelor means finally putting his ex-boyfriend behind him and starting anew. He's taking a chance on finding love and determined to do it right this time.

Light My Morning Sky - withthethieves (54k)

The relatively cliché University AU in which Louis happens to be proficient in Philosophy, Ethics, and keeping his distance, while Harry is in need of a tutor to salvage his grade, and never passes up on a challenge; Zayn and Liam like to gaze wantonly across at each other whilst pretending to read Austen; and Niall is the precarious bond that holds them all together.

Saw It In Your Eyes - taggiecb (15k)

Harry Styles counts himself extremely lucky that he has landed such a great roommate. It doesn’t bother him at all that his new roommate is gay. In fact, they get along so well that they have formed an extremely close friendship that takes up pretty much all his free time. When Louis starts bringing a new guy home with him, Harry is surprised by how much it bothers him. Is he not as okay as he thought he was with Louis’ sexuality?

Push My Buttons - KrisStylinson (2k)

“Fuck off.” Louis leans into this boy’s personal space just to show how unaffected he is, even if it is technically a bluff. “My team’s winning.”

The boy crowds right back into him with a smug look, and that turns out to be their downfall—a large man to his left nudges his arm and gestures to the jumbotron, where Louis and fucking Newsboy are currently encased in a cartoon heart with the words KISS CAM burning brightly above them.

Paper Houses - allwaswell16 (11k)

When model Louis Tomlinson admits to having a celebrity crush on a very famous actor in an article in GQ magazine, he has no idea it will lead to anything. He definitely never suspects he will fall so hard and so fast for Harry Styles. When reality begins to interfere, their relationship is put to the test.

Not The Desperate Type -lululawrence (6k)

It sounded like the guy was actually moving furniture above him as he was sweeping now. Damn. Did Louis miss the seven minutes in heaven or was the guy angry because he didn’t even get that much pleasure today?

“I’m kinda afraid with the amount of noise he produces while cleaning that one day I’m gonna look up through my ceiling and be able to see him.”

“Tell him we wish him a better sex life and that we’re rooting for him if you do.”

Or the one where Louis' neighbor has a series of unfortunately short sexual experiences and Louis can hear every. Single. One.

Can We Talk For A Moment? - lululawrence (16k)

It was widely known that alphas were never as common as betas or omegas. It is believed the reasoning for that was safety for their packs. Each pack could only have one Alpha, and in order to keep order and make sure there was no mistaking who was in power, once the successor had been named, other alphas would be forced out of the pack.

Harry didn’t care for the reasons behind the phenomenon. In the end, it didn’t really matter. All he knew was he was the only alpha within about a thousand mile radius, and he was a complete and total disappointment.

Or the one where Harry is a shy, nerdy alpha, Louis is a loud omega punk, and there's more to both of them than their reputations.

UNFINISHED

awake and unafraid - you_explode (102k) - UNFINISHED

It's 2007, Harry's seventeen, his favourite band is My Chemical Romance, and he's in love with his best friend.

Peaches and Cream - seducedbycurls (65k)

The study was to see if two strangers could live together for a month and fall in love.

“We are a new organization working to prove that love can do extraordinary things.” “You will do everything together & you are not allowed to leave the resort for the whole month.” “We want to prove that opposites attract.”

Louis is allergic to peaches, Harry smells like peaches. Louis just came for the money.

Take Me As I Am - lovelarry10 (118k)

“Suppressant? But… why would I need a suppressant? Alphas don’t take suppressants.”

“You’re right, they don’t.”

Secrets. Lies. Deception. Betrayal. Self-discovery.

Alpha. Omega. How far will they go to hide the truth?

Mirror Touch - pinky_heaven19 (58k)

“You know I can see colors in sounds, right?”

Harry nods, confused as Louis knew he would be.

“Well, I have another type of synesthesia, called mirror-touch. Have you heard of it?”

Harry shakes his head, and Louis can feel the tenseness in his shoulders and jaws slacking a little at the unexpected topic.

“It means I feel what other people feel. Literally, all the time.”

OR the one where Harry owns a second-hand clothing store, and Louis is a radio host. Louis has mirror-touch synesthesia, which makes him experience what people around him feel. He feels a lot around Harry.

[glenncoco4]

Photograph

@mashmaiden, I don’t know if this was what you were picturing, but here it is!

Kensi and Deeks had come over to Julia's to put the finishing touches on their wedding that was happening in just two shorts months. They were waiting on Roberta to arrive cause Lord knows if she's left out of anything they'll both be hearing about it for the rest of their lives.

"Martin, I don't think you've ever told me why you love the beach so much."

Kensi comes back from the kitchen, bottle of water in hand. "Yeah, I haven't heard that one either, babe."

He gets a nostalgic look on his face as his mind goes back in time. "Well, I've always loved the beach, but this one specific day made it that much more special."

Kensi sits down next to him on the couch, squeezing his knee, urging him to continue.

"I can't believe my mom won't leave that bastard. One day. Oh, one day he'll get what's coming to him." The eleven year old huffs as he steps off the pavement and onto the sand. Finally he's here. The beach. His safe place. Once he reaches the perfect spot, he plops down in the sand, careful not to get any sand in or around his cast.

One day I'm gonna get away from all of that and be somebody. I'm gonna make something of myself and be better than he’ll ever be. His thoughts are suddenly interrupted when a soccer ball flies and lands right next to him.

Chasing the ball down, a young brunette girl comes in his direction. "Sorry, I don't think my dad anticipated it getting past me."

He waves her off, still mad, but he doesn't want to be rude so he looks up at her."It's okay." He gives her the biggest smile that he can muster and quickly turns his attention back to the water.

Thinking that she's already left, he lets out the tears that have threatened to fall since he arrived.

"Hey, are you okay?" The brunette ask, sitting down next to him in the sand.

He quickly wipes the tears from his eyes. "Yeah, I'm fine."

She shakes her head. "I call bullshit."

Turning towards her, he smiles the first real smile that he's had in a long time."Wow."

"What?"

"You're very assertive, aren't you."

"Well, there's obviously something wrong and if there's something wrong you probably need someone to talk to."

He gives her a weary smile. He doesn't want to get her involved.

"Okay, if you won't tell me, will you at least come play with us? You can be on my mom's team. She need's all the help she can get."

He's conflicted. "I don't know."

"Come on. It'll cheer you up." The girl smiles, trying to persuade him.

Not thinking that there’s anything wrong with playing a little game of soccer. I mean what could it hurt? "Okay, but I'll have to be careful with my cast."

They get up and make their way back over to the girl's parents.

"Mom. Dad. This is….." The young brunette pauses, realizing that she didn't catch his name.

"Marty." He says quietly.

"Marty, this is my mom and dad."

He sticks his hand out shaking both of their hands. "It's nice to meet you ma'am. You too, sir."

"Boy, has manners." The girl's dad smiles. "I like him already."

Marty beams at the man's words. It's more affirmation than he's ever heard from his own father.

He then turns towards the young brunette. "I didn't catch your name, princess."

She gets a look in her eyes and glares at him. "Unless you want a cast on your other arm to match the one you already have, I wouldn't call me princess, if I were you."

"Kensi!" Her mother yells.

Kensi turns towards the older woman. “What?”

Marty can't help but chuckle at the feisty young girl. "Sorry, Kensi. I won't let it happen again."

"Thank you." She smiles and then picks up the ball, ready to play.

"Alright, mom and Marty against me and dad!" Kensi shouts.

"No, no, Kensi. I'm not playing." The older woman states.

"Party pooper." She huffs, earning a chuckle from him.

"Hey, Kens. How about we just do some juggling?" The older man says as he notices the young boy's cast.

"Okay."

She gets the ball on the top of her foot and starts juggling it back and forth with the tops of her feet.

Marty is locked in on her juggling just waiting for her to pass and soon enough she does.

Once he gets the ball, he repeats the same moves she had but what shocks Kensi and her parents even more is how well he handles the ball. He brings the ball from his foot to his knee, bounces it a couple of times and then brings it back down to his foot. Once there he starts bouncing it on one foot, kicks it up and then quickly circles his foot around it with the ball ending up on his foot again. He repeats this a few times with each foot when he finally looks up to see who to pass it to next he stops. The young girl and both her parents are staring at him in awe.

The girl's father walks up to him. "Wow, son. That was really good."

Marty is struck again at the older man's words. "Thank you, sir. That means more to me then you'll ever know."

The man gives him a look that he's not sure what to make of, but decides to not thinking anything more of it when the girl's mother calls out to him.

"That was really great, Martin."

"Thank you, ma'am."

Once Kensi comes out of her trance, she runs over to him. "Marty, that was really good. Where did you learn that?"

He gives her a sad smile. "I have a lot of time on my hands with my broke arm and all. I needed something to do, since I can't be out in the water right now, so I went down to the park one day and watched a bunch of soccer players. Then I practiced until I got it down."

Once he realizes how long he's been gone he knows he has to say goodbye. "Well, I better get back home." He walks up to the couple, shaking both of their hands. "Thank you, both, for letting me interrupt your family time."

"Nonsense. It was a pleasure to meet you, young man."

He turns towards Kensi to say goodbye and is surprised when she hugs him. "Bye, Marty. I hope we see you again."

As he’s about to leave her father speaks up asking him a question that catches him off guard. "Actually, we're here to celebrate Kensi's birthday and going to Disneyland tomorrow. Would you like to come?"

He wishes he could say yes, but he knows that there's no way on God's green earth that that rat-bastard of a father of his will let him go. "I wish I could, but I have a family thing."

They all nod their head in understanding.

He takes a risk and kisses the young girl on the cheek making both of them blush. "Happy Birthday, Kensi. I hope we meet again someday."

Shock is still set on Kensi's face as he walks away. He doesn't even get to stay long enough to see the smirks playing on her mother and father's faces.

Julia is completely shocked. No wonder he looked familiar. Remembering that day so vividly now as retells the story, she gets up quickly and heads upstairs.

Kensi listens intently as he continues to relive that day and how it affected him. "I know it's crazy, but in the brief moments I spent with them, they showed me what a true family was suppose to be like and what I hoped to have someday. But the man, the girl's father, how he treated the girl and her mother is what truly stuck with me. He showed me what a real dad and husband was suppose to be. He showed me what a true man was suppose to be like. The way I could see how much he loved his wife and little girl has stuck with me forever."

Julia returns with a photo album in hand and the couple turn, not even realizing that she left the room in the first place. She sits next to Kensi and opens the album. "Look." She points to a picture. It's of a young Kensi, Donald and a young shaggy haired blonde boy with a cast on his arm, playing soccer on the beach.

"It can't be." "Is that?" They both say at the same time.

"I knew something seemed familiar about you." She turns, looking at her daughter and her fiancé.

A flabbergasted Deeks turns to an even more flabbergasted Kensi. "Wow."

"Yeah." Is all he can say.

Kensi's squints her eyes, thinking about that day. "I can't believe I didn't remember that. I mean after seeing this picture, it's coming back to me, but I can't believe I didn't ever think of it before."

"You were eight. I'm pretty sure forgot about it the next day. What's weird is that I remembered that day clearly and I still can't believe I didn't put two and two together. I mean, how many feisty brunettes named Kensi live in California? You've obviously changed over the years and I guess not recognizing that that was you would be understandable, but your mom….."

"Oh, I can explain that." Julia interrupts them. "You see….I had this thing on top of my head that was often referred to as a brown football helmet." She cringes. "Not my greatest look. So that was probably one of the reasons you didn't recognize me."

He and Kensi both nod in understanding.

Kensi turns to look in his eyes and can't quite decipher what she sees. "What is it, baby?"

His eyes start to water as he realizes that he got to do something that he thought he would never be able to do. "I can't believe I got to do something that I never thought I'd be able to do."

Her brow furrows, not understanding where he's going with this. "What's that?"

He lets out a laugh as the tears fall from his eyes. "I got to meet your dad."

That's when it hits her like a ton of brick. As she stares at the man that's about to become her husband, she lets out a teary eyed laugh when she realizes that the one thing that she's always wanted had actually already happened. She leans forwards, smiling as she kisses him. Pulling back, she lays her head on his shoulder, giving a content sigh as they both stare at the 28 year old photo. "Yeah, I guess you did."

Leaning his head on her's he comes to another realization. "It's crazy, but that brief encounter with your father was a million times better than anything I experienced with my own and in a way the man who I now know was Donald Blye was my father figure. Every time I would think about my future kids and what kind of father I would be, I would picture Brandel and know that was not how I would be with my kids and then I would picture that man and his little girl at the beach and I knew that that was exactly what I would strive for when I became a father."

Kensi is in awe. She's elated that her father was able to change the way that the man she loved more than anything pictured what a father was suppose to be like. "I'm glad you got that experience, even if was just for a brief moment in time. But even if you hadn’t gotten it, I know that you're gonna be the best dad that there ever was."

They both sit there, basking in the memory of when they first met.

"But life inevitably throws us curve balls, unexpected circumstances that remind us to expect the unexpected. I've come to understand these curve balls are the beautiful unfolding of both karma and current." - Carre Otis

[ryanmeft]

Puzzle Movie Review

Puzzle is a tiny wonder. It begins with modest ambitions. Agnes is a housewife in Bridgeport, Connecticut who has seen precious little of the world outside her family and church, and has spent her life seeing to the needs of others. Having reached her 40’s without knowing what her own needs are, she is not repressed. Rather, she simply knows no other life;  neither do the other women in her circle. We can guess it was simply the way of things that she would grow up and get married and have kids and devote herself to these things, and she did it because it was the way, because generations before her had made it the way, and on and on in a loop.

The film opens on a birthday party. Louis (David Denman) drinks and breaks a plate, which his wife Agnes (Kelly MacDonald) scrambles to clean up even as she also prepares the cake. She puts the candles on it, presents it to the guests, and then blows the candles out. That she is doing most of the work on her birthday is something that seems imprisoning, but also a state of affairs she herself would not likely question. She has cared for men and others since her immigrant father became ill, and not only is it second nature to her, it is also so to every woman she ever knows.

She eventually points this out to Robert (Irrfan Khan), a retired New York millionaire who once invented something and now competes in competitive jigsaw puzzle building. She received such a puzzle for her birthday, and found that 1000 pieces were not nearly enough to daunt her. Now they are puzzle partners, and soon they will be pushing towards more than that, but she is perplexed when he does not want kids: “It’s not weird, just different from me…and everyone else I’ve ever known.” Hers is a world of potlucks, Sunday Mass, and lots of children; you can see the old church steeple from her front porch. Her oldest son Ziggy (Buddy Weiler) had bad grades in school and is stuck. Her youngest son Gabe (Austin Abrams) is an overconfident young man with a vegan Buddhist girlfriend (Liv Hewson); he pens a college acceptance letter disparaging his mother’s lack of worldliness, demanding a life different from hers, that drips with irony. She accidentally finds it. She does not take it to him. She would never do that.

This might seem silly to those of you who grew up in a more modern environment. To me, it is recognizable, a pattern of lives spent in flyover country that I did not question until early adulthood. The scene in Alexander Payne’s Nebraska in which the men watch football while the women cook dinner comes to mind, as I recall it being derided as stereotypical of people in the middle of the country by a coastal critic; I never knew a household growing up where that did not happen. Why, you might ask, doesn’t Agnes simply go do what she wants, when she wants, how she wants? The crucial mistake here it to immediately assume this is not what she wants. As the movie goes on and Agnes discovers new things about herself, she also learns that there is much about her ordinary, dull, beautiful life she would actively choose if she’d made a choice. She would choose her children, and the greatest epiphany in her awakening is that she likes to spend time with them, rather than just raising them. She may have chosen her husband or one like him, who is not a lout or abusive or unfaithful. He is simply rather uninspired, but this is driven by the same wheel ‘o’ tradition that Agnes’s own life is.

I admit I found Louie an interesting person to see on screen, and want to spend a few minutes on David Denman before I return to the universally effusive praise for Kelly MacDonald. He has a thankless role. Many will simply regard him as unmemorable, and some will no doubt declare him an icon of patriarchy. He is neither. He loves a wife who never really got to decide if she loves him, and he does so in the only way many working class, non-metropolitan men are ever taught to do: by being the provider. His concerns are real. He worries about his weight and health, he strives to keep his garage’s financial struggles from burdening his family, he attempts to understand new ideas like Buddhism, and he it hurts him when his wife is unfaithful; he really doesn’t understand why she would do that. His failings are also real, from lamenting a lack of manliness in his oldest son’s desire to be a chef, to his inherent expectation that his wife needs nothing more than wife-dom to be happy, and finally to the rage from his abusive father that is almost never seen but lurks one too many drinks away. The point is he’s an entire, if unfinished, person, and that if he had been the focus of the film there would remain a story to tell.

Kelly MacDonald, however, is one of the underrated treasures of modern actors. She is plain-looking by the ridiculous standards of the Hollywood machine, and will never have so much as a co-starring role in a blockbuster, which is fine. She carries an inward light that could propel many more leading roles in films like this one. Stop for a moment and look at how she, as Agnes, argues with her husband, saying what’s on her mind, realizing it makes sense only to her, and refusing to explain. That is sometimes how real people are; disagreements in life aren’t written for the screen. Watching MacDonald’s face as Agnes builds a puzzle with frightening speed is more visually arresting than you might expect, even though I quite frankly think I’d find a jigsaw competition more spectator-worthy than people eating hot dogs. There is a key scene with Ziggy. He runs into her unexpectedly during a bad day, says an honest thing, and to his surprise gets an honest answer. This may be the exact moment when Agnes decides to be something like herself, and note that it comes not in an intimate moment with the attractive affair partner, or even with her husband, but with her son. How many parental relationships would be vastly improved if the parent just said “To hell with my image”?

I dearly love a film like this. It has been directed by Marc Turtletaub, who worked from a script by Oren Moverman and Polly Mann, who in turn adapted an Argentine film by Natalia Smirnoff which doesn’t seem to be available here. In moving the setting to just-outside-of-somewhere, U.S.A., the writers have shown what I consider to be deep knowledge of the way things work outside of coastally-produced sitcom worlds. Chris Norr’s camera encompasses familiar details of the sorts of scenes I am used to from “nothing towns”, and frames them in ways that give the mundane an odd beauty. All of this seems to fit Agnes. MacDonald’s likely-unheralded-at-Awards-time performance draw us into a woman whose thoughts are maybe deeper than she knows, and certainly deeper than we do.

Verdict: Highly Recommended

Note: I don’t use stars, but here are my possible verdicts. I suppose you could consider each one as adding a star.

Must-See

Highly Recommended

Recommended

Average

Not Recommended

Avoid like the Plague

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[thecoroutfitters]

With Thanksgiving now firmly behind us, we’re full-blown into the holiday season. The race is on, rushing downhill towards Christmas at breakneck speed. Stopping only long enough to visit the malls and max out our credit cards, buying gifts that people don’t want, with money we don’t have, so that they can bring those gifts back to the stores and get a refund…

What a system!

In case you didn’t notice, I’m not particularly thrilled with the holidays. It’s not that I don’t like Thanksgiving, Christmas or New Year’s Eve, it’s that I think we’ve lost the essence of what they are. No longer are the holidays about their original meanings, which were all of a religious nature. Nor do we see much of the secondary meanings of family, friends and love… those seem to have been largely lost as well.

Thanksgiving has become a day of gluttony and football, Christmas a celebration of materialism and New Year’s Eve is just a drunken party.

On top of this, you can be sure that somebody, probably somebody on the political left, is going to be politicizing the holidays once again, being loudly and publically offended that someone actually had the affront to say “Merry Christmas” to them, rather than the more politically correct, “Happy Holidays.”

As I’m sitting here, writing this, I’m counting the minutes until I hear that someone or other has declared “Christmas” to be racist and demanded that the name be changed to something without meaning. After all, the left has been attacking every other symbol of our country’s heritage, why wouldn’t they attack Christmas as well?

Dr. Seuss’ neo-classic tale of “How the Grinch Stole Christmas” should be a real eye-opener to us. I’m sure you remember the story; about how the Grinch, whose heart was three sizes too small, hated everything, including Christmas. So he decided he would ruin Christmas for everyone else… by stealing it.

The Grinch’s problem, which he didn’t realize ahead-of-time, was that Christmas was about more to the Whos down in Whoville, than just the stuff. It wasn’t really about presents, decorations and food, it was about the greatest love story ever told. He though that removing the symbols of Christmas would remove the story and cause the Whos to cry, “boo-hoo.”

But his nefarious plan didn’t work. We all know the story. As the Grinch stood there up to his knees in the snow, waiting to tip his sleigh and send all the Christmas the stuff crashing down the mountainside, he didn’t hear crying, he heard the Whos, lifting their voices up in song, giving thanks for the day, even without their presents, decorations and Christmas feast.

Are We Facing a Modern Grinch?

As I remember this story, I ask myself the question, what if that was America? What if the Grinch magically appeared this Christmas and somehow managed to steal Christmas, right at the stroke of midnight, on Christmas Eve?

Would he hear singing coming from our homes on Christmas morning, or would he hear something else? Would our joy in the day cause his heart to grow three sizes, or would he feel vindicated, that he had made everyone else feel his bitterness towards the holidays?

Click here to get your guide to a layered survival defense!

Sadly, I think the Grinch would win that contest in today’s world. Too few of us ever take the time to stop and think about what the holidays are really all about. We are so wrapped up in the hustle and bustle of buying presents, attending events, watching Christmas specials on TV and spending money to see what really matters, the people around us.

There are still millions of people out of work. Homelessness has reached epic proportions in some cities, especially amongst veterans. Hollywood is exploding with revelations about the sexual abuse that’s been going on there for decades.

Our prisons are full of people who are wasting their lives, rather than investing them in something worthwhile. Countless children live in homes with only one parent, and countless more go to bed hungry at night. People are hurting all around us, while we focus on glitz and glamour, seeing only the flashing lights and sound bites the media wants us to see.

What of those people? What of all the hurting people out there? Isn’t Christmas about them too? Who is reaching out to them, letting them know that someone feels their pain, sees their sorrow and cares about their lives?

Video first seen on gregorija1.

A truly great holiday season has to include caring for the needs of others. Those could be people who you know, who are going through hard times. But it could also be those you don’t know. Either way, it’s not about throwing a few dollars their way, funneled through some do-gooder charity that does the work for you. Yes, these people need out money, but even more, they need our time. They need us.

It is one thing to be willing to spend money on those in need; the Democrats proclaim that idea all the time. They are quick to push programs that take money out of working people’s pockets, so that they can then use that money to buy votes from the poor, lining the pockets of some well-connected (Democrat) bureaucrats along the way.

What Christmas Spirit is All About

But it is something totally different to give of yourself, especially your time, to others, especially those in need. Isn’t that the true spirit of Christmas though? For that matter, isn’t that the true spirit of giving?

Would it mean more to a homeless man to receive a hat, coat and shoes in your name, through some anonymous non-profit organization, or to receive it from your hand? Would it have meant more for them to enjoy on a scrumptious Thanksgiving feast in a homeless shelter or in your home?

Which is more important the money or the personal element that is behind the money?

My family has had a tradition for years of opening our home to those who are alone on the holidays. Sometimes, those are widows who have lost their husbands. Other times, it is young single people, who don’t have any family to be with. Still others, it has been those out of work or in some other need. It really doesn’t matter; in all cases, our home is theirs, at least for a little while.

I spend a lot of time in this column talking about politics; about the “big picture” of what’s going on in the world. But in reality, it’s the little things that matter. Yes, political events shape the world in which we live, affecting each and every one of our lives.

But the reality is, other than making our voice heard in the halls of power and our vote count on election day, you and I have little impact on what politicians do. They will make the big decisions, leaving the little ones for you and me.

But it is in those little things that we can make a difference in others lives. Aren’t we all called to that? Isn’t that part of what it means to be a human; to be an American? If we pass through this life, without making a difference in the lives of others, what purpose does our life really have?

My first mission is to my family. I have a responsibility to my wife, kids, parents, brother and sister. I must take care of them first. From there, the next circle of responsibility I have is to those who are close to me; friends, neighbors and co-workers; people in my church. The next larger circle includes people like you; people who I can help with the words that I write, whether it is teaching about survival or warning you of impending doom.

Finally, there is the circle around that, which includes everyone I see and come into contact with. Somehow, I have a responsibility to them as well, even if it is not as great as that to my family.

When I see a need, I do what I can. That’s why I teach about survival. There are many needs in the world, many dangers, and I am trying to help those in need. But I don’t let it stop there. Everywhere I look, I see people in need. To ignore them, I have to give up part of my humanity. And that’s not a price I’m willing to pay. So I pay it, doing what I can, helping whoever I can reach.

Some day, I may not be able to help those people. After all, my responsibility to my family is much greater. Should it come to a choice between the two, I must help my family first. I must be there for them. If that means turning my back on those others, in order to care for my family, then so be it. A little of my humanity will die, but I will have made the right decision.

Until then, it hurts me not at all to say “Merry Christmas” to them, to buy them a meal, to clothe those who are cold, or to sit and listen to one pour out their hurting heart. If my time spent can ease the burden for them, even a little, then I have made a difference.

I have made the holiday season about someone besides me. I have made it about something much bigger than me. I have made a difference in someone’s life.

This article has been written by Bill White for Survivopedia.

from Survivopedia Don't forget to visit the store and pick up some gear at The COR Outfitters. How prepared are you for emergencies? #SurvivalFirestarter #SurvivalBugOutBackpack #PrepperSurvivalPack #SHTFGear #SHTFBag

[theofficefantasyfootball]

WEEK 5 - Wrap Up

It’s like riding a bike....

For some of us winning comes easy and for others it takes a lot of work.  But after all the research and strategy is over and you look back on what you did you realize it’s just like riding a bike - you never forget how to win...well some do forget because they lost so something must have happened...anyway, it’s late and so here’s the wrap up for week 5!

ISUCK vs LONG LEFT BALLERS

It happened!  I have won a game!  Here’s what I think happened.  It’s kind of like those girls who really want a husband and obsess about it all the time but can’t ever seem to meet a guy and then when they give up and say they don’t care anymore if they ever get married – then they meet someone right away and like 6 months later they are married and pregnant!  I think that I just wanted to win so badly that I put too much pressure on myself, and really all it took was me giving up and not over thinking it.  Oh, and it was also a little bit about Bebo and my players.  Whatever – I will not go winless this year and that is a milestone that I will celebrate for a few days.  Thanks Bebo for the encouraging texts throughout the weekend - you are a real friend!  I FRIKEN WON!

LANAKILA vs BAAAAAAD TO THE BONE

In the Hawaiian language, the word Hoki means Ass and Ke’Ehi Aku means Kick – and we all learned from the draft night video that Lanakila means Warrior - so the Warrior Kicked Stu’s Ass is essentially “Lanakila Ke’Ehi Aku Stu Hoki”.  I just think if we are going to have these wrap ups we should all learn something along the way.  And, who knows  - Gullahorn or Krippayne could get a Hawaii gig and need to know this kind of stuff.  Everyone, Listen.  Stu is starting to give up, I can feel it…he is getting distant and starting not to care about the league…next week he faces Funk Guy and he will have Dez Bryant and Russell Wilson on bye weeks.  I’m telling you if things don’t go his way -  I may be able to trade Amari Cooper and Eddie Lacy for Julio and Carlos Hyde…that’s my plan anyway!

Congrats Cliff – another step closer to a playoff spot!

TREE HUGGERS vs MR AWESOME

This was considered the high point battle of the week.  I mean, how much does it suck to put up 125 points and lose…ya know?  Gabe…does it suck?  I bet it does.  You had a great week…aside from expecting your Running Backs to actually put up points you did everything right.  Scott was just that much better this week – 10.20 point better to be exact.  Scott had a disappointing performance from his Seattle WR Doug Baldwin and his Seattle Running Back Rawls…but other than his favorite hometown team letting him down he did manage to win $20 by grabbing the high score of the week. I am hoping timing was everything and Krippayne won’t repeat such a performance next week when he faces the commish!

HOWARD vs FUNK GUY

Man that was close!   2.28 points is all that separated Funk Guy and Howard…but it was enough for Funk Guy to also get his first win of the season!  Congrats Dana!  After such a rough week I know that you really needed it.  For those of you who just deleted the group texts or didn’t watch any football this week – Dana picked his Giants to win in Survivor – which they did not.  He also watched Odell Beckham go down with a season ending injury.   So, as you can imagine – he was pretty beat up and needed some good news…and Howard graciously gave that to him by basically having his entire bench on a bye week and playing everyone he possibly could.  Either way – he moves to 3-2 and Dana along with myself eek our way out of oblivion to 1-4.   Congrats Dana – it will all work out – Eli will find another Odell Beckham to throw to this season and I am sure that you grab him from the waiver wire before anyone else does

MOOSES ON THE LOOSES vs GOAT

This match up was pretty fun to watch.  Neither guy had a good week.  Moose believing all along that Kareem Hunt would in the end save the day while blaming his entire circumstance of a low scoring week on Ben Rothlisberger.  For those of you who didn’t know - Ben had his career high interception outing this week with 5 ints - very impressive!   All the while GOAT, undefeated - and feeling very secure in himself believed he could take down the Moose by a narrow margin...I mean how could he lose - he’s apparently the greatest of all time.  It all came down to MNF with Goat having WR Kendall Wright still to play, and the Moose done for the week but up by 10.26 points.  Kendall started out strong and Kyle started in with the “I’m coming after you” texts - only to come up short by 6 points.  Sorry Kyle - even the greats go down sometime.  So the Moose continues to win and moves to 4-1.

RUTLEDGE vs TuMADRE

The final match up of the week was Brett vs Gully and it all came down to MNF points to determine who would win.   Brett came into the game very thankful for a big day from Dax Prescott and still with two player yet to play (Diggs and Miller).  Tu Madre similarly was thankful for  32 points from Alex Smith and a unusually productive day from Hopkins with 3 TDs….but only left with Latavius Murray to bring in the points on MNF...and Murray did play well but no TDs means no win...Brett found the end zone with Zach Miller and goes on to a 2 game winning streak and Gully - sorry to say that this makes 3 losses in a row. Fascinating.   

SURVIVOR

Well, it’s down to two. Gullahorn vs Young.  Should be exciting.  Will Gully become a back to back survivor champ or will Cliff Young find a way to gain back his entry fee (or close to it) and become a Survivor champion.