#he is alive until i see a body
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Me after watching The Bad Batch season 2 trailer:
We don't see Cody in Rebels or Kenobi so Cody will die, I have to prepare myself
Me after Echo went with Rex:
So it won't be Cody but Echo since we don't see him in Rebels with Rex, and Echo will probably be the reason Rex stopped fighting, I have time to prepare myself
Meanwhile Dave Filoni:
Let's kill Tech
Me:
Me after watching to the end of the show
Filoni where are you? I just want to talk
#filoni you better run#bad batch spoilers#he is alive until i see a body#like with waxer or fives#when we see then die#until then I don't care what people say he is alive#star wars#the bad batch#clones#clone trooper echo#bad batch tech#commander cody#captain rex#sorry about any mistakes#english is not my first language
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Did Eleven ever tell Amy and Rory’s parents that they’re alive in the past? Or did they just go missing a few weeks after a third of the human population had heart attacks?
#updates from cipher#I was thinking about Bill as well. Was her foster mom just waiting for her to come home and she never did?#doctor who#I should write a fic. Eleven rings Brian Williams doorbell and avoids eye contact as he tells him that his son is still alive#but that he’ll never see him again. and he died in his 80s in the 1990s or smth#and the doctor can’t save them because of the paradox thr weeping angels created#god 10 and Martha would have been so close to Amy and Rory during Daleks in Manhattan as well#In a version of events where like. 12 holds off regeneration long enough at the end of TUAT to go tell Bill’s mom that she’s dead*#before he regenerates he’s like. I have to tell her before I regenerate I can’t put this off and do it in a new body#bc imagine if like a companion died while travelling#and the doctor goes to tell their family who they met a few times#but they’re so upset about the companion dying they weren’t able to face the companion’s family for a looong time#not until after they regenerated and the family is horrified to see this stranger has a new BODY and their child is dead#and the doctor not doing it immediately would indicate just how guilty they feel
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realizing after meeting eldrin how many parallels I've completely accidentally managed to set up between davrin and rye despite the fact that they're such incredibly different personalities and feeling an embarrassing swell of real tears rising up
#...I don't care if it makes for a better story I'm not letting davrin die I can't let davrin die I'm shielding him with my own body#the narrative can't have him that's my brother and friend and assan's dad learning he's so much more than he thought he was#I want to run up to the last battle with davrin and lucanis and rye squabbling the whole way the way it was meant to be#...so I'm really going to just go ahead and fuck over the ancestral spirit of the dwarves again basically then aren't I fhsjka#ah yes. The true thedosian tradition: fucking over the dwarves so incredibly bad every time and like mostly as collateral damage!!!#when an elven god sneezes the entirety of dwarven civilization falls over dead on the spot for no reason. im so so so sorry#but. probably not sorry enough to let go of davrin's hand to stop him from falling fdhsakj#dragon age#dragon age: the veilguard#dragon age: the veilguard spoilers#dragon age spoilers#davrin#oc: Ellaryen Ingellvar#rye seeing davrin and eldrin interact and unavoidably thinking about how old renn would be today if he were still alive like 'this is fine'#(it was not fine but they won't actually realize that until their soul cracks open to reveal the abyss inside in about half an act's time)#I am going to do a 'golden' run with rye once I know the game in and out so I can get it all right (I didn't know him in the beginning!)#and do quests in the most pleasing order and everything. which has me afraid I'll explore the darker timeline where davrin does die#but like. let me have the other world first at least I'm going to be selfish on the first run
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My only theory on dff so far is no body = no death.
#Until I see the lifeless body with my own two eyes then they're not dead#Though this means that teacher isn't dead which is 😒 so he can be the exception#But anyway I'll be chilling in the 'non's alive club'#dead friend forever
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I wonder how old Willy‚ and by extension, the rest of the first-gen crest bearers were cause Jerry is (iirc) over 300 years old according to Nopes (and his Barney support showed he had physical problems). Iirc Willy stepped back after WoH but there's no mention of when he died‚ like do fake their deaths cause they would be outliving multiple generations. Do they travel out of the continent? Do their children also have long lifespans? (Assuming that they survived the WoH.)
Willy ask?
Yep, we don't know when he died, but in Nopes, Seteth says he's long dead, and Rhea, uh, misses him and wishes he was around when fighting against Supreme Leader.
Jerry growing old and feeble is really one of the things Nopes annoyed me with, because come on, Rhea could just have waited for Nemesis to become unable to fight to rekt him... but no, Nemesis was still a force to be reckoned with.
We don't have any timeline, but Nemesis should have been well over 100 just like the Elites at the time of their death, and I guess Willy was, at the end of the WoH, something like around 120 or 150 (Rhea most likely didn't made him emperor when he was a kid!).
TFW Jerry's not feeling old age catch up to him, but the consequences of his excessive drinking
IIRC the Book of Seiros says only the Elites (thus by extension the first gen crested people) live long, not their children - we know the Elites sans Maurice were terminated, but we don't know about the other major crested randoms (Bergliez/Aegir ancestor, Varley 1, etc etc).
I don't see them faking their deaths even if they outlive several generations because, hey, Willy's the living example of someone who lived over 100, just like the Elites, and I guess the "reasoning" behind the Elites' extended lifespan also applied to them? (something like first gen crest bearers were "blessed specially" by the Goddess so they have an extended lifespan ?) contrary to Nabateans who do not seem to age as fast as crested humans, and live up to 1k years.
Maybe they travel around the continent or just remained in Fodlan being either cryptids or travelling around to help randoms (like the Apostles who ultimately founded their own villages?) and died somewhere.
I'm rather fond of the HC that First Gen crest bearers, just like Nabateans, don't decay or decay more "slowly" than other humans, they still can't be harvested for Relics or whatnot, but it serves to make them stand apart from the other crestless humans - which of course would have been used by Adrestian Nobles, especially the ones who descend from them, to brag about how "special" they were (and conveniently, the bodies of the Elites were never recovered*, so they are the only ones who can prove their descent from someone "special"!).
*tfw Thales had already recovered them first then put them in his freezer before Rhea or the Elite's descendants could even wonder why their tombs/graves/resting places were empty
#anon#replies#is it the wilhelm hour?#FE16#war of heroes stuff#i mean it's mostly about them#then about Jerry#Willy's body is specially conserved in some sort of magical see through coffin#Seeing Willy became a tourist attraction in Enbarr#Emperors were so mad bcs Willy's attraction was sold as 'see the eternal great emperor wilhelm for 10 coins!'#and uh he's already dad damn it what's this nonsense about eternal emperors?? They're the ones in charge!#Given how the zombies of VW aren't described as a gang of old people wrecking people#I really wonder about the 'decaying after death' thing#Jerry growing old and feeble because of his age is also nonsensical to me#again Nemesis and his pals were doing bandit things until Seiros rekted them#they were well over 100 or even 150 if we want because Rhea came out of the mountains in -46 or something#Nemesis looks like an old crusty bastard and yet he's a force of nature#unless Sothis' blood has special properties regarding the humans who ingest it#I can't see Jerry feeling old and weak at 300 when at most likely 200 Nemesis is alive and kicking enough to be a serious foe to Seiros
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fuck i'm actually going to end up enjoying Sevpercy huh
maybe in a picky I like them when they are in my head or when I do it kind of way
or in a time travel way because when it comes to Snape I like his teenage self a lot more than his adult self
#percy weasley#Severus Snape#Sevpercy#i remember reading a post about how snape works really well with characters that fall into a mother hen role and that is something#that i think about with Percy alot so now im kinda 👀 maybe#i just kind of assumed i didn't like it because i didn't care for alot of the fics id come across with them#so they might just fall into the same category as like TomPercy where I'm just super extra ultra picky about them#Percy accidently changing history without meaning too by getting close to snape leading to snape never telling Voldemort about the prophesy#that would be funny#because i don't think its openly known that its snape that tells him so its like#Percy had done a few things to hopefully help things and now is waiting for the time to come and its just not coming???#it's now December?? why are the Potters still alive?? not like he wants them not to be but it's like necessary isn't it for Voldemort to fa#he doesn't even know what he even did to change it#which was becoming a Lily replacement for Sev without even meaning to#this is such a weird concept like my brain is thinking Percy goes back post war maybe an accident maybe on purpose#but like its not a he's in a younger body now fic#we are talking reversed age gap here#Maybe his intention was like to go back and try to get close to the Evans (because it would be easier then getting close to the Potters)#and while he succeeds at it he ends up seeing how horrible Severus had it as a kid and now keeps giving him food and being nice to him#ooh random what if in a time travel scenario#you don't age until you reach the day you went back#Ive never seen that but it could be really neat imo#Percy just being stuck at like 25 while everyone ages around him until 2001#like imortality-lite#point is ive turned sevpercy into another 'caretaker' turned lover later in life ship because im weak to it and a little bit of a weirdo#again i blame the fact i have daddy issues and have a secret wish to be taken care of#poor Sevs just got a thing for Redheads that are nice to him
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OK SPOILERS I GUESS FOR BLACK OPS COLD WAR UNDER THE CUT BECAUSE I JUST DID THE HAVANA MISSION AND "BREAK ON THROUGH" AND I'M LITERALLY SO PRESSED RN??
I AM SO UPSET THEY MADE ME CHOOSE BETWEEN HELEN AND LAZAR WHAT EVEN WAS THAT WHY'D IT HAVE TO BE THOSE TWO THEY'RE LITERALLY MY FAVORITES OF THE NEWER CHARACTERS WHY
TO MAKE MATTERS WORSE THEY HAD CRAZY GOOD CHEMISTRY AND I WAS LITERALLY SITTING THERE THE WHOLE TIME DURING THAT MISSION THINKING "Dang y'all make a good couple y'all got it goin' on" BUT NO OF COURSE NOT THIS IS CALL OF DUTY WHERE NO ONE IS HAPPY AND GOOD ENDINGS DON'T EXIST AND LOVE IS A LIE
I struggled for like fifteen minutes just sitting there on the pause menu trying to pick UGHHH but I ended up going with Helen in the end simply because I think she can bring slightly more value to the team (NOT TO SAY LAZAR IS USELESS HE'S EXTREMELY HANDY AND VERY COOL AND I LOVE HIM) just because of her connection with MI6 and her ability to gather intel and all that good stuff and I'm just ever so slightly more attached to her as a character and I also got the impression Lazar really liked her a lot so I would've felt worse saving him and knowing he missed her like a crap ton so in the end I think I made the better decision
HOWEVER COMMA THEN WE HAVE "BREAK ON THROUGH" AND I'M LITERALLY SO MAD BC WDYM ADLER WAS LYING AND I LITERALLY DON'T EVEN KNOW THE GUY AND I HAD A COMPLETELY DIFFERENT LIFE AND I WAS THE GUY ARASH KADIVAR SHOT IN THE BEGINNING IN THE MISSION WITH WOODS AND MASON AND ADLER LIKE WHAT?? WDYM THOSE MEMORIES IN VIETNAM WEREN'T REAL?? WDYM I'VE ACTUALLY KNOWN ADLER FOR LIKE TWO DAYS AND NOT TWENTY YEARS?? Wdym HUDSON was actually RIGHT to be worried about me going into the Lubyanka building?????? HUDSON?? RIGHT ABOUT SOMETHING?? NUH-UH
And wdym PARK KNEW THE WHOLE TIME LIKE GIRL I THOUGHT WE WERE BESTIES WHAT IS THIS!! YOU HAD ME RISK MY NECK FOR YOU INSTEAD OF MR. LOVER BOY AND NOW I FIND OUT YOU WERE FRICKIN LYING TO ME THE WHOLE TIME TOO LIKE?? I'm aware it was for the greater good and that technically it was good for Bell too bc now she's a good guy and isn't a bad guy (I play with female Bell to be clear because that's awesome and I love that that's an option) BUT Y'ALL STILL LIED TO ME?? I'm gonna keep an eye on those two for REAL now like watch as Adler frickin tries to offer me up as some sacrificial lamb at some point I just KNOW he will UGH
Idk I'm still holding out hope Lazar is alive somehow because technically I didn't actually see him die he was just lying there and I felt so AWFUL UGHHH
Anyway I'm going to carry on pretending he's fine and he got out and everything is hunky dory and great and he and Helen went on that date and they're together and everything is fine and wonderful
#call of duty#black ops cold war#cod black ops cold war#anyway if any of y'all have played it don't y'all dare give me spoilers i wanna see this for myself#i already got it spoiled that woods was miraculously perfectly fine and unscathed after black ops >:(#i do think it's hilarious though that they didn't even treat that like a big thing or anything. he's just immediately there and fine#like brother how did both you AND kravchenko survive that?? i would like an explanation but this is cod and i likely will not get one#also kinda wild bc kravchenko being alive means reznov didn't get his wish uhhh#if he's alive which he technically could be bc it says they never found his body (which is odd considering he supposedly never escaped)#then maybe he'll come back!! (<- is delusional)#black ops has had the most wildly out of pocket plot twists that actually ended up being crazy cool#between mason being a sleeper agent programmed by reznov and reznov not being real in black ops (at least after the gulag part)#and now bell's deal in cold war this is literally insane i'm going insane#i'm extremely excited for the end of the game it'd better be good#also if you're wondering during break on through i did follow all of adler's instructions up until the third go round in which i ignored hi#and bell went absolutely insane and zombies in a cave were involved and clocks on the wall and infinite hallways and junk#he was very upset with me but i thought it was funny so
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Me, still not seeing David Kostyk’s body, and following the TV death rule of thumb.
#shadow and bone#shadow and bone season 2#shadow and bone spoilers#david kostyk#genya x david#i will not believe he is dead until i see a body#he could still be alive#he will still be alive#if I have to write a thousand resurrection fics and time travel fics I will!#DAVID KOSTYK DESERVES TO LIVE WITH GENYA!!!!
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#he’s still alive I swear#i won’t believe it until I see the body#show me the body#bad batch season 2#bad batch spoilers#bad batch finale#bad batch s2#star wars#clone force 99#tbb tech#bad batch tech#clone trooper tech
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my new thing is obsessing over a funny little guy for a few months before moving onto another funny little guy
#random thoughts#my ideal fnaf sunandmoon fic which i will never write because that's where i draw the line#is one in which yn doesn't think sun and moon are. sentient. at first.#and by at first i mean for a large chunk of the story#like yeah he's a robot! he's a very sophisticated piece of ai of course he's gonna be lifelike#sun and moon are designed to learn and adapt and they can SEEM very human but it's important to remember they are not alive#but they still treat sun and moon decently because? why wouldn't they?#like sun and moon are constantly learning ai. it's important to model proper behavior so they know how they and others should act#specifically among freddy's staff! if sunandmoon don't know how staff SHOULD behave then they have no frame of reference#for what behavior should be reported or how sunandmoon are SUPPOSED to act around staff for maximum efficiency#if you get mad at the robot for being damaged and they're designed to entertain#they're not gonna want to tell you next time they get damaged and you can't just rely on scans and weekly examinations#because scans miss things and some damage is too severe to wait for their next examination#in an ideal setting you WANT the animatronics to be able to communicate openly with you because THEY are a tool for their OWN repair#THEY can recognize what is damaged VERY WELL#and if it's a software issue then you need to be able to read their BEHAVIOR. body language and shit#and if sunandmoon are CONSTANTLY ON EDGE AROUND STAFF you're not gonna be able to see a base body language to go off of#also constant stress is bad for machines. like running the same commands over and over again until overheating. bad for babey#and of COURSE they're gonna help around the daycare!!! THE DAYCARE ATTENDANT IS NOT SUPPOSED TO BE A REPLACEMENT FOR HUMAN WORKERS#the daycare attendant is a GIMMICK. a NOVELTY. a TOOL meant for the use of the human daycare attendants#a forever playmate who remembers every detail about every child under their care? who never tires and isn't affected by cleaning chemicals?#they're so USEFUL! a supplement to the human daycare attendant!#like a swiss army knife of rainy day games and orange slices#it's a horrible shame the owners of the pizzaplex got cheap and stopped hiring human daycare attendants to save on labor#because the daycare attendant works best when they have someone else's behavior to model. otherwise it gets caught in a loop#which constantly degrades and simplifies. like recording a recording over and over again until all you can hear is white noise#of COURSE something bad was gonna happen!#and sunandmoon don't really have any opinion on this besides agreeing because they ARE an animatronic.#sunpots and moonpans
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THE FINALE IS FINALLY OUT. So, obviously, Yuma will obviously not die in the Labyrinth and will find a way to keep going (I think), right? I have no idea how this will all end, but regardless this was an amazing ride and I enjoyed every step of the way. The Boss fight against Makoto, the revelation of his identity, of Yuma identity and the suspense of forever being lost in the Labyrinth for the greater good.... God, this chapter slaps. The 'greater good' we've been using as our conviction to kill the previous culprits has actually come to bite us back, and Yuma is honestly such a good guy for not being a hypocrite in that situation. He's just not having a good time right. Or ever really. Finding out he's basically been gaslighting himself for the entire game about his identity, swore Shinigami and the real Kokohead into secrecy about it, found out the true reason they were brought and made to suffer and die, is literally Number One and now needs to die to protect what little good in his life he's obtained... out of all the detectives in Kodaka's games, he's got the most trauma for sure (is that a hot take?). No matter how this ends, he's gonna need a long, looong time before he's okay.
All in all, this game is absolutely amazing. And using the pink blood censership all danganronpa fans are familiar with as an actual plot device so no one would question it until brought up? Genius. You really oudid yourself Kodaka. I'd give this game a solid 10/10, but unfortunately I'll have to subtract a point for every main cast member you've killed during this journey. If Fubuki, Vivia, Desuhiko, Halara, Kurumi and Yuma don't make it, that scores going down real fast.
#master detective archives spoilers#master detective archives: rain code#momento rambles#rain code predictions#kinda#mostly rambling this time around#this ride's been a blast#last prayer that the detectives really are still alive#makoto literally heavily implied that he killed them#but until I see a body with red blood i'm camping out in delulu land and hopefully that works out#welp#time to watch the finally and have my hope stripped away#gotta get the tissues ready
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Working with Leviathan be like
Leviathan: *completely both rewrites a severe trauma trigger back into something neutral and freeing, and further reconnects me to the Sky and myself off plane and pre-incarnation in the space of 24 hours* yeah nice, anyway we should play video games now I'm tired
#ramblings //#Emphasis on he works over the span of months but he really is a uh... A pool of water that doesn't drip into your mind until you open the#door. And you think you will be drowned when you do but he is so soothing. And he walks with you#And sometimes what he walks you through is really painful and it's like what the actual fuck am I doing but he stays there like#duh it's what I said would happen it's fine trust me#And you do and then it's like. Holy shit. Look what I walked through. Hope you're proud of me#leviathan //#ramblings //#Anyway. Friendship ended with Despise A Certain Game now Ending Of The Game Where She's Soothed And The Rain Fades is my friend#And. I didn't realise how much I'd become afraid to talk about me. I talk about Leviathan all the time as the sky but I don't.... Like#talking about myself as a part of the day sky and what that means. I have. Thanks to him. Had gateways opened to astral memories#that I was too scared to touch and.... I'm.... I think I'm ready to start recorroborating my info between brains in astral and physical#bodies..... I think..... I'm ready I'm... I am So fucking End Of Game Where Rain Fades right now and that makes me want to fucking bawl my#eyes out because a) I wasn't allowed in the cult I was in to go near that part of the game bc they told me the character there was alive and#she hated my guts and thought I was disgusting. And b) god the storyline involving her is just so so so so so relevant to my life post-cult#:( you know. Just :(#Diary //#The child returns to her mother the cycle is done the rain clears the ocean is infinite the workings of the cult I mean church are undone#And that doesn't scare me anymore? The cult was so.... Had me thinking that any time that game was brought up they were in control of it#and they would see me and it was their game and they made it alone and I could never just enjoy it as a video game.... It#Still hurts a little but leviathan walked me through allowing it to be neutral and admitting that I see myself in it. Because I tried my#hardest to not admit that thinking that if I did they'd be in my head but mo#No* it's... Its a communal thing. It's allowed to be relatable to a wide audience for neutral reasons. I don't have to break down when I see#it. And I'm allowed to talk about the Sky and I'm allowed to talk about where and when I met Leviathan and I'm allowed to not hide what I do#with him because others may take it as gross exaggerations for bragging rights - I'm allowed to be neutral. Just because at one point in my#life I thought astral projection was only for a select few does not mean now that I do it I have to hide it in case someone like me#takes their insecurity so far that they see my neutral declarations as an attack on them............. Anyway#The Day Sky. My beloved. You mean so much to me. I won't forget my purpose in this incarnation I will not hide it#Thanks Lev#I love that arguably calling him Lev is more controversial than calling him Tengri but it's Not just a nickname lmfao
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does anyone wanna hear about the dream i had last night huh huh
#uhm cw body horror and like. excessive violence ahead#honestly i'd forgotten abt it until i saw the post i made mentioning it again💀#i wanna talk abt it cause it was CRAZY#but i'm not lying when i say it was visceral and graphic and grosss so so gross#i don't remember it as well now cause like i said i'm kinda used to this shit so it doesn't weigh heavy on my mind or anything#but my dreams have been so VIVID lately so it was just kinda jarring#anyways#it was like. i was watching a movie?#except i didn't like explicitly feel like i was in the dream but like. if my soul was kinda just kicking it watching a movie with someone#if that makes sense#idk who i was with i think it was a just a general person tm#and the movie was like. a group of girls who had to get something to complete some kind of mission? like they needed something to finish a#goal idkthat part wasn't rlly the most memorable thing to me#what WAS memorable was that they killed a man. specifically:#one girl like had her legs wrapped around his neck while suffocating him with a clear plastic bag. so u could see it fog up and him scream#and stuff. and then they ripped off the skin on his chest and stomach? like they skinned him alive ? while he was being suffocated#idk where my brain gets this stuff#anyways. they weren't even skinning him with something sharp. they held something dull to him so hard and pressed and pulled so hard that i#just up and ripped the skin and some muscle off#i guess they needed the skin and muscle for something. and like he fell unconsious and bled out on the floor with the blood splattered bag#on his head still. rip guy#and the girls were covered in blood but kinda just continued their business. and were like observing the skin and muscle#like it was all bloody and the muscle strings and fiber and stuff..idk i'm not a doctor#and then one of the girls ate some of the muscle idk why she did that#and then they went to give the shit to wherever they were taking it for whatever reason. but the worst part to me was that whoever i was#watching the movie with was rlly upset and said#'this is just so upsetting because there was no reason for him to suffer and die like that'#and then i woke up!#so i think i'm unwell! or that i'm not taking to my new meds very well#who's to say
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ryan my love please come and let me brush your hair behind your ear as i admire your beautiful eyes and smile
#tape entry circa 1980#f/o:💖what a fool believes🎸#my hearts longing for my ryan sm#it hurts i just want to be near him rn#it makes me feel a little bad though when suddenly im longing so so deeply for ONE in particular#i dont want min to feel like im ignoring him :-c#i love him too so so deeply but my mind just wanders to ryan rn#his soft pretty features his soft messy hair his cute sparkly eyes behind those red glasses#i keep thinking of the way his turtleneck and leather jacket hug his body#the way itd feel to run my hands over the clothe the feeling his his body underneath how slim he is#feeling his hands on me and holding his hands in mine#how small and slim they are 🥺💖💖#to be able to kiss the palm of his hand and his fingertips#to hold his hand against my cheek and feeling the coolness of his skin on my face#maybe then he'll hold my face to admire me. in the same way i do him#and we can hold and melt into eachother as we finally kiss eachother for as long as we can until we need to breathe ghfdj#oh my love my ryan...mi amor...#i just need to see and feel him i need to see his bright smile#i know being able to see him smile at me would make me feel alive it would brighten my entire life just to see him smile at me...#just knowing that he loves me...#i miss him... mi principe mi bebe te amo... siempre te voy a amar
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Immediately thought of you 💕 pls accept a big hug and my deepest condolences x
OMG babe please ilysm 🥹 everyone keeps dropping into my inbox and dm’s like I’ve been widowed lmaoooo glad to know this is my legacy
I will admit I cried like a little baby when it happened, he means so much to me as a character and I can’t believe the writers of the show would intentionally kill off such a well-rounded, well-loved character, ESPECIALLY after he had so much positive development and attention this season
I will accept your hugs but I must reject the condolences bc I am now on my conspiracy arc
#he’s still alive until i see a body#techtruther#zinzinina#your thoughts mean the world to me truly#the bad batch spoilers#tbb spoilers#now i have to pick up my fanfic from a million years ago so I can fix canon once and for all
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In light of Brian Thompson being shot dead on my birthday (🎉🥳🎂) I'd like to share a personal story about UnitedHealthcare.
During the peak of COVID, my family all got sick. I couldn't be on my parents' insurance because they were both older and on Medicare. So, I had insurance through my University: UnitedHealthcare.
For some reason, rather than roll-over each year, I got a new plan each year that ended after May and didn't start until August, so I was uninsured for the summer months, but it was a weird situation that the university denied, and told us we were supposed to be insured year-round, it was messy.
Both of my parents went to the hospital, and I got sick too. I had to take care of my pets, and myself, and try to stay alive and keep my pets alive when I was so weak I could hardly move. When my parents came home, my condition got dramatically worse (I think my body knew it couldn't give out, because there was nobody to take care of me, so once my parents were okay, it completely crashed and failed.)
I started experiencing emergency symptoms. It was a bit hard to breathe, my chest hurt, and I was extremely delirious. I wanted to call my insurance to see if I was covered (this was during the summer) and I was connected to some nice person, probably making minimum wage, who told me with caution in her voice that my plan was expired. I had no active insurance, but she urged me to go to an emergency room. I remember saying something to the effect of "You just told me I don't have insurance, I can't go to the hospital, I can't afford it."
She sounded so genuinely worried and scared. I remember she said "You really don't sound good, you sound really sick, please call 9-1-1" and I think I just said "I can't afford it without insurance, don't worry, I think I'll be okay."
And she paused and said "I don't want to hang up the phone with you like this." And it sounded like she was holding back tears. And I don't remember what I said, I think that I would be okay, and I hung up.
I still think about her. I wonder if that phone call haunted her, or if she had dozens of calls like that a day. I wonder if she thinks about it at all, if she wonders if I died after she told me I didn't have insurance and therefore couldn't go to the hospital without incurring a tremendous financial burden. I wonder if she feels guilt or blame-- of course she shouldn't, it wouldn't have been her fault if anything had happened to me. Maybe it's self-centered to wonder if she thinks about it. I'm not the main character and it was just her job. But, still.
I think about how evil it was that we were put in that situation. Because offering year-long continuous coverage through the university plan would maybe cut into profits, maybe not benefit shareholders enough, maybe cut into Thompson's $10 million salary. While his minimum wage administrators have to feel afraid to hang up the phone, because on the other line someone might be dying, and they wouldn't know. While his patients hang up and decide to take their chances rather than put their family through that trauma.
This is UnitedHealthcare. This is Brian Thompson's legacy. This is why, understandably, an entire nation is jubilant that he was gunned down like the vermin he was. I don't care about his widow. I feel pity for his children, despite the fact that they will inherit millions, but I feel more pity for the children of his victims patients who are gone because they didn't want THEIR children to inherit crippling debt. Brian Thompson got what he fucking deserved. I pray that he not be the only one. I pray for continued safety, peace , and anonymity for his killer.
American healthcare is a disease.
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