#he has no idea what to do
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i do not condemn you
#acedraws#metro exodus#metro last light#metro 2033#artyom chyornyj#Pavel morozov#partyom#pavel who follows orders to a fault#is used to plans being executed no matter what#so when artyom repeatedly forgives him in spite of his attempts to get him to turn on him#he has no idea what to do
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There was another timeline.
One that, at the moment, only Clockwork and a single other person knew about. Both of whom has separately vowed to never let the timeline exist ever again.
That time was dark. It was bloody. The skies were painted red and the oceans boiled. The dead walked the Earth with a freedom not even the living could achieve. It was like the pits of hell had opened up and spit out the things even the Devil couldn’t bear to look at. It made the Dark Ages look like a middle school girl’s slumber party on Halloween.
It was the timeline where Danielle successfully replaced Danny. Both as Phantom, and as a Fenton.
She replaced Danny, under the orders of Vlad. And then she did more. She grew up, committing more and more crimes at Vlad’s command, gaining infamy and hate, eventually surpassing Vlad’s own reputation as a violent ghost.
Vlad knew she’d grown too powerful by the time she was biologically fourteen, the same age Danny had been when Danielle had shattered his core and eaten it. Vlad knew this, and thought the same trick would work again.
He tried to replace Danielle with another clone.
It didn’t work.
In that timeline, Danielle killed Vlad, absorbing his ghost half, just like Dan did. She became Eleanor, the Queen of Death, and ravaged the Earth for many years. Due to the power boost of consuming two other halfas, Eleanor was more powerful than any other variant of herself, Danny, or Dan that Clockwork could find. The only reason she did not expand to other dimensions, was because Danny was not around long enough to pass on the knowledge of time travel, and how to reach Clockwork’s tower.
It was a dark time. But Clockwork’s fears have been laid to rest, as the Dani of the current time had NOT replaced Danny. In fact, she’d been adopted into the Fenton family with open arms, and the Vlad of this world was less psychotic since he didn’t have a mental break. No Fentons died and caused Dan, and Amity has accepted the various Phantoms and other ghosts with open arms. It was the best possible course of events.
Nothing could go wrong, right? Eleanor was a secret Clockwork would take to his grave, if he ever got one. Not even the Observants knew about it.
Booster Gold, however, did not swear to keep the timeline a secret. He swore to prevent the timeline.
No matter what.
#DPxDC#pondhead blurbs#it’s three am I literally woke up to type this#just#booster gold is from Eleanor’s timeline#he’s technically the only survivor#because eventually Eleanor kills off the entire universe there#she’s immortal and quite literally nothing can stop her#so imagine his terror when he sees a child version of the greatest disaster in history skipping down the street after stealing a hot dog#he isn’t sure it’s her at first until he sees her meet up with the other halfas#he has no idea what to do#but he CANNOT let Eleanor happen#Eleanor’s wrath AU#I’m naming it that shut up
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* You made them cry. *
~ 🫐
Oh- Gods. Uh-
#rp blog#lmk#in character#lmk red son#peasant: anon#hes like- holding his hands out placatingly#he has no idea what to do#he really didnt mean to make you cry
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the irch plain memory is SO CUTE Zelda is adorable oh my goodness,,, she is so special to me
#links face in the back as she rambles is so funny#he has no idea what to do#its so adorable how theyve been getting along in the past few memories#im sad because i know the memories will only become more sad from here#rotating this scene in my head forever and ever and ever#breath of the wild#legend of zelda#botw
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Do you think you ever want to evolve, Troi?
I'm... Not sure
It could be cool, but I like being like this
But I could be so cool as a lycanrock
Gah! I can't decide!
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Obsessed with the idea of Mobei Jun going through most of his life thinking that he's the only one smart enough to pick up on Shang Qinghua's worth and try to court him, only to walk into a room one day (prior to his ascension) and see Luo Binghe's husband beating up his man in what is clearly a non-serious and recreational fashion.
Just how long has this been going on for? Is this why Qinghua has never formally accepted any of his proposals? How is he supposed to retaliate when Junshang will kill him on the spot for any perceived attack on his husband? The one guy he probably can't challenge to a duel, and he's clearly trying to seduce Mobei's man out from under him!
But what can he do? More violence? Sluttier outfits? Longer attempts at meaningful eye-contact? He was already pulling out all the stops, what does this stupid scholar have that he doesn't, huh?
#svsss#scum villain#scum villain's self saving system#moshang#mobei jun#shang qinghua#emergency alert someone else has noticed qinghua and it seems qinghua is interested in him as well#mbj has no idea what to do with this he's never had to lower himself to compete for sqh's interest before#even worse it's someone he can't immediately kill on the spot#at this rate he's going to have to ask sha hualing for the name of her tailor#plunging necklines don't fail him now
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my favorite fields of mistria boys 🥰
#fom#fields of mistria#march#balor#art#fanart#not much to tag tbh#i do like march too but balor still takes the cake for me#i know i said that other one was my last fanart but i wanted to doodle march he looks easy to draw#and then balor happened too i cant help it#i just restarted the game im taking it slower this time#i really wish the dragonguard heist plan didnt fall through#cuz i wouldve loved to have isa just go try and grab balors keys#hehe#anyway march is canonically jacked right#not as much as his brother but he has the arms right#appearently balors eyes are brown but i have no idea what color marchs eyes are supposed to be#they just look black#love that the children are always on about balor being so mysterious#so real let me join the dragonguards#the amazing thing to me about balor is that i just did not give a shit about him in the promo art up until i met him in-game#like i saw him in the promos and was like cool whatever ill probably go for march...until i actually met him
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Hey, Spitfire! Try not to kill your brother ahead of time!
.
Looking for Ursa right after being banished had some...wildly unexpected results. One: Zuko actually found her. Two: she wasn't alone. Three: leaving her children behind in order to protect them was, apparently, just something she did.
Looking at the bright side, Zuko now had a three-year-old younger brother to look after. Looking at the dark side, Zuko now had a three-year-old kid he needed to parent while also keeping him a secret from his father because—may Agni help him—the Fire Lord would have to go through Zuko first if he dared to even look at Lu Ten II.
(AKA an AU in which Zuko is a good big brother and doesn't want another kid to grow up like he did.)
#atla#avatar the last airbender#zuko#atla fanart#atla art#prince zuko#Spitfire AU#spitfire#atla oc#atla zuko#zuko art#zuko fanart#Lu Ten II#lu ten fanart#lu ten atla#lu ten#Prince Lu Ten II#atla ursa#princess ursa#Ten Ten#dadko#atla au#In which Zuko is a little older; a little wiser; has a little brother—and it changes everything (or does it?).#He's a teenager parenting a child in an environment that's...not quite child-friendly—he's a mess and has no idea of what he's doing.#In time protecting little Ten Ten becomes his sole priority. But that comes with its own drawbacks.#What would he do to protect the kid? What *wouldn't* he do? Does he desert his mission and military and put Ten Ten in danger?#Does he stay quiet and allow the war to unfold if it means that Lu Ten II will be safe from it? (He tries—Agni knows that he tries)#(But Zuko never gives up without a fight. This just means he needs to learn how to pick his battles.)#(And sure—pretending to chase after the Avatar while he protects the Gaang in secret is a fine line to walk. But Zuko will make it work.)#(He has to—for Ten Ten's future)
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Malleus' bday is coming up, thoughts on what his sleepwear might be?
anticipating that reveal any time now, so gotta get my predictions in real quick (aka extremely fast drawings) (I'm sorry)
#art#twisted wonderland#kutsurogi my room#i have never drawn a good malleus in my life and i'm not about to start now#i do want him to have his tail out though#for no reason except to make me happy :)#man. i gave up on pulling for lilia to save for you mal#you better make this worth it#just kidding the idea of malleus in sleepwear is so inherently hilarious it could by anything and it would be worth it#what if it's just malleus in his regular school uniform#he doesn't sleep. he has no sense of time. he shows up to the library at 2am and is like 'am i late for the housewarden meeting'#yuu gets up in the middle of the night for a snack and malleus is just there. sitting in the rafters.#'the cracks in your ceiling plaster are particularly nice tonight human child'#'yeah okay cool tsunotarou. you want a hot chocolate or something'#'...yes please'
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truth serum / system reveal au where shen qingqiu gets hit with an uncloaking spell that reveals the system in the reflection of his eyes every time it pops up.
during one of his missions, in the treasure hoard of some dragon-like creature, he finds a golden, oval shaped hand mirror, its gaudy style more victorian based than anything (airplane you hack!), that doesn't seem to do anything when he looks into it. but when he does, it reveals the system's screen in his eyes.
he doesn't notice this, of course, because he can't see it, and the system, surprisingly, stays quiet.
the peak lords think he's cursed.
maybe mu qingfang is the first to notice, during the mandatory post mission check-up, when shen qingqiu is scrolling through his most recently accumulated points and mu qingfang can see the strange vividly-blue lines reflected in his pupils. it's gone when shen qingqiu blinks, like it was nothing but a trick of the light.
it comes out when yue qingyuan is visiting and, just as he's done laying out the plans for a new mission, shen qingqiu's eyes glaze over and a bright blue box takes over the whole of his iris. shen qingqiu goes quiet; the thing in his eyes moves, shifts, pulses for a second, like static worms crawling all over his pupils. then he blinks, and it's gone, and shen qingqiu accepts the mission that yue qingyuan was almost sure he would decline.
maybe there is an intervention, when the peak lords corner shen qingqiu at qian cao peak and try to figure out what's wrong, subjecting him to all kinds of treatments and curse-finding spells that turn up empty, they can't find anything.
of course, the silencing threat is still very much up and running. at first shen qingqiu was kind of confused by the whole ordeal, but when the peak lords start describing a "strange blue box", he realizes, with sickening suddenty, that they're describing the system. and he can't say anything.
this only makes everything worse, because their fellow peak lord now keeps evading every question and acts like he doesn't understand. liu qingge points right at his face and asks, "that blue box, what is it?" and shen qingqiu laughs nervously and starts talking about how bright the weather is and surely it's the sky and nothing to worry about!
even worse, during the intervention the system thought it was a good idea to start talking to him, so now even the peak lords who hadn't seen it and who might have been persuaded by light tricks and reflections, get a first row view that no, that definitely isn't a trick of the light.
they try to do the whole thing of "are you in danger, blink twice" but shen qingqiu can't even do that because it's still a direct admittance!
maybe eventually he starts saying vague confirmations that don't actually confirm anything, like "this master hears what you're saying", or maybe he goes with a classic "this master can neither confirm nor deny that." but the system starts warning him for that too and eventually he stops saying anything, which worries the others more.
luckily mu qingfang catches on that every time they ask a direct question about the box or shen qingqiu says anything vaguely confirming, it appears. it doesn't appear when they ask about curses or demons, so it must not see that as a threat.
for a little extra angst: maybe the peak lords keep pressuring him for answers, and at some point shen qingqiu gets fed up and snaps out something like, "why don't you understand that i'm not allowed to answer that!" the system counts this as a direct admittance, threatening it's existence. so it punishes. shen qingqiu has a qi deviation so bad it lasts two weeks and takes two people every day to cleanse his meridians. the system doesn't appear in that time. it doesn't appear for a long while after that, either. the peak lords stop asking, mainly because shen qingqiu will instantly leave the room if they do. they don't stop searching for a cure, though.
shang qinghua returns from a business trip and catches on the second someone mentions a blue box and forced silencing.
#i like the idea of sqq sort of disassociating every time he talks with the system#like his eyes go unfocused and he goes quiet and doesnt seem to hear what others are saying#and the others always thought that was odd but hey. whatever. until some strange *thing* started showing up#i do also like the idea of the system slowly allowing sqq more liberties#bc its decided it likes this storyline#liu qingge comes to cleanse sqqs meridians and gets red with anger when the system pops up in sqqs eyes#but then sqq reaches out to him and says ''no. it... likes you.''#the system doesnt (cant) really like anyone. but its gifting him friendship points when liu qingge visits him and that's positive?#liu qingge doesnt see it as positive and gets even more mad because what do you MEAN this monster enitity ''likes him''????#liu qingge is going to kill it the first chance he has!!#yue qingyuan talks about a mission looking for volunteers and you can *see* his face fall when the blue box appears#''it wants you to go. doesn't it?'' ''this shidi would like to join this mission.'' ''i understand.''#sometimes the blue box appears and sqq looks *stricken*. like he just saw something really awful#but he just cant talk about it#svsss#scum villain's self saving system#scum villain#shen qingqiu#yue qingyuan#mu qingfang#system svsss#svsss au#reveal au
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The peach tree beams so red, How brilliant are its flowers!
[First] Prev <–-> Next
#poorly drawn mdzs#mdzs#jiang yanli#jiang cheng#wei wuxian#The maiden's getting wed; Good for the nuptial bowers.#I *know* she's not actually pregnant here and her request for WWX to name her son is more of an honourary thing.#But there is something so funny to me about the idea of JYL breaking the news of her pregnancy in such a casual way.#In my heart she did pounce on that peacock boy before the wedding. Ripped him to shreds and sewed him back together.#I think JYL should have a moment of not being the perfect society women and daughter.#She has been stuck in this role for her whole life! But dear god do I love to see her make small defiances.#Her role is to be a good daughter/sister. Then a good wife and good mother. But she did that on *her* terms!#She never took the 'easy' way out. Her reserved nature concealed someone who chose to be covert in doing what she felt was right.#I love you JYL and your kindness and generosity despite her status. I love you for pursuing your first love with tenacity.#I love you for sneaking out and showing off your wedding dress to the brother who wishes he could be there to see it.#Perhaps I think she deserves a few moments of being a true older sibling and inflicting psychic damage.#The sibling reaction shot in the final panel is very much inspired by my own horrors of learning too much about my siblings.#It's not about being a prude or sex negative. It's 100% about “I don't want to know!!! Untell me that shit right now!!!”
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#republican assholes#maga morons#crooked donald#trump’s f-cking tariffs#stock market crisis#global economic crisis#dumb f-cking tariffs#f-cking moron has no idea what he’s doing#damned madman#traitor trump#republican hypocrisy#punishing the whole world#republican party
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strange animal attempts to show affection for the first time ever
#the batter#off zacharie#OFF#off game#batterie#4 EYED BATTER! 4 EYED BATTER!#i like the idea of batter actually being really stupid and not knowing how to do normal social things#he spawned in with a weapon and thats all he has#this guy would not know what a “hand shake” or “fist bump” is#thats why he needs ME to do the puzzles for him
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"There's gotta be a way out of this!" "I gotta do it." "What?! Don't do this! Are you crazy?" "Trust me." "What?" "Just this once. Trust me!"
(+ an echo from the pilot and awkward sibling hugs)






#it's fun seeing the exact second when plans click in their heads#that quick moment of mabel looking at the leafblower#mabel pines#dipper pines#stan pines#stanley pines#ford pines#stanford pines#bill cipher#does anyone give a shit about jeff the gnome lmao#yes this blog is basically 'i've connected the dots!!!' 'you haven't connected shit' personified#...is that the word idk lmao#the contrast of dipper having no idea what's mabel's plan is#vs ford knowing full well what the plan is and it being the absolute worst thing he has to do#but either way it's defying the whole 'trust no one' thing#constantly thinking about that one post i saw ages ago describing what it was like to reenact the stan twin hug#and how awful it feels to not have a hug responded to in any way....
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im being hit with The Visions again
the Vision this time is a "homeless danny in gotham" au except its pre-robin Batman again because im on a batdad kick. --------------------
Danny finds a car.
Which-- isn't, like, anything super interesting or impressive. It's Gotham, it's a big city. There's cars on every corner, can't throw a stick without hitting one somewhere. And then setting off the alarm.
But-! It's a car, and it's past midnight-- or he thinks it might be past midnight, it's late enough to be. He doesn't have a watch and he left his phone at Vlad's; asshole put a tracker on it after the last time Danny ran off.
It's been over a month since, it's a new record -- last time it took just over two weeks for Vlad to find him and drag him back to the mansion. This time, Danny ran further. Left the state and everything. See how long it takes Vlad to find him now, hah.
People go missing all the time in Gotham.
Anyways-- there's a car, and it's midnight, and it's parked in an alleyway. Danny would've called it invisible with the way he pretty much trips over it, phasing through the wall of the building beside it and not watching where he's going, but it's not. So he doesn't.
Danny runs into the hood and nearly faceplants right into the darn thing with an 'oomph', hands catching himself on the metal as a flash of irritation flashes hot through his gut. It doesn't hurt or anything, but getting the wind knocked out of you sucks always, and he's tired and hungry, and as a result not in the best state of mind.
He's just about to sink his foot into the side of the wheel -- it wouldn't do anything, he's not that big of an asshole, but it's the principle -- when he stops.
Danny pauses.
He takes a step back, holding his hands out 'n' everything, and examines the car. He squints, trying to get his eyes to adjust to the darkness, considering the closest streetlight is twenty feet that way and positioned in a way that none of the light is hitting it.
Danny would not call himself a car guy. He doesn't think he counts, considering his size and lack of everything. But, but, he knows his way around a few cars, and he had an old obsession with older models when he was little that kinda petered out of existence after his accident. Had a bunch of little car models sitting on one of his shelves back in Amity, and Dad offered to get his hands on an old car for the two of them to fix up together so it'd be ready for Danny when he got his license.
...Anyways.
Point is: Danny can appreciate an old car, and this car has an older -- albeit obviously modified, if the matte paneling and plated wheels meant anything -- look to it. That kind of flat top went out of style years ago, and it's got this kinda rectangular look Danny doesn't see often these days on modern cars.
Other than the electrical cars, but he doesn't think those count. That's boxy, not rectangular.
Danny frowns, tilts his hands down, and leans back further as if that will let him get a better look at this thing. "...What model is this?" He mutters, it's hard to tell in this lighting.
Wait, he should see if there's anyone in the car. It's not running or anything, and nobody's come out to yell at him -- or shoot him -- but, still. People are crazy in Gotham, crazier than they've ever been in Amity. The last thing he needs to do is piss off some guy from the mob.
Danny peers into the window and-- there's no window, okay. Well, no window, and no driver. Some idiot left their car unprotected and without windows, in Gotham?
He pulls on the door handle just to be annoying -- it doesn't budge. Okay, maybe not that stupid. Especially since Danny didn't even see it until he was quite literally running into it.
So. Not that stupid.
Danny looks around warily, pulling his hoodie around him tighter, and then starts circling the car slowly. Like a vulture. No license plate; shocker. Hear how shocked he is? Clutching his pearls right now.
"Reinforced bumper. Cool." he says, er- whispers, really, quiet enough that it doesn't even echo. Danny squats in front of the car and runs his hands over the -- what, should he even call this a bumper? It's bigger than his head, and it's covering the grille. He picks at these... things on the side that remind him of leather straps. Probably to keep this bumper up? Like a ratchet strap?
Danny leans back until his butt hits the ground and he can sit back properly, propping himself up on his hands -- maybe not a good idea. There's probably broken glass somewhere here and he doesn't wanna pick shards out of his palms, again. It's like popping the world's most annoying zit depending on if it gets under the skin.
(He could always just phase them out, but the picking gives him something to do. It doesn't hurt that much.)
Eh. It'll be fine.
With one knee propped up, Danny looks the front up and down, and furrows his brows. The style kinda reminds him of a dodger, especially with the placement and style of the headlights. He plants his hands on the concrete -- hissing when he feels something cut into his palms, ow, there's that glass he was talking about -- and leans down to look under the car.
Hm, nothing jutting out that much. Looks pretty normal. Good space between the bottom and the ground.
He gets up and circles the side again, brushing whatever pebbles or glass that could've stuck into his skin off. He's really curious about where the owner got matte plating for it, or if it's just a wrap. The silhouette's definitely sixties or seventies; too angular for the eighties and fifties.
...There's no one here, Danny looks around again just to make sure, cranes his ears to catch anything. Nope, just the typical quiet rumbling of Gotham's underbelly. It kinda reminds him of Amity, or-- no. No, it reminds him of the quiet groan of the Zone.
That's far more comforting, he thinks. Danny's never really liked Amity all that much.
Back to the car: there's no one around, so Danny folds his arms against the side of the door and sticks his head inside the window. No keys in the ignition, should've figured.
Not like Danny was planning on stealing the car anyways -- anyone capable of modifying a car into this kinda beast -- or paying someone to modify -- was not someone he wanted to piss off. Danny's an orphan, not stupid.
Ignore the fact that he's got his head stuck through the window. The interior isn't anything interesting, but the seats are made of leather, which is nice. Must be a pain in the summer or winter, but leather is cool, and gets stains out better than cloth.
No stick shift though, he's a little disappointed.
Danny presses his mouth into a line and then slants it, humming in the back of his throat. Honestly, he's kinda tempted to crawl in and go to sleep. The leather seats look really inviting, and he's been sleeping on the ground or on park benches for weeks, and the car is really well hidden. No need to worry about being kidnapped.
But, it still belongs to someone. And they're probably using it for something shady. They'll come back for it eventually, so he should get this gawking over with anyways.
And, and-- and. He wants to get a look at that fucking engine. 'Cause holy shit!
Danny pulls his head out of the window and half-dances over to the back, his hand curling around one of the bars as a grin spreads across his face. Now, Danny hates Christmas, but this, this is like it came early and good for once.
"You could smuggle moonshine with this thing," Danny says to himself, grinning ear to ear and running his hands over the edge of the metal. The car is too conspicuous for backroads driving, but the engine, wow. What a thing of beauty.
One of Auntie's friends would probably know what engine it is -- or what type of engine it's based off of, it could very well be a bunch of different engines frankenstein'd together. Danny doesn't recognize it.
Which means it could be illegal. Again, what a shocker. In Gotham? He's clutching his pearls.
Fully satisfied with himself, Danny dances around to the front again and holds his hands out. He makes an 'L' with both hands and shuts one eye, getting the car within the frame of his fingers like he's about to take a picture.
"I rate you," Danny makes a camera shutter sound and mimics taking a photo, "one cool fuckin' car."
"Thank you."
Danny doesn't scream. He does not. He's taught himself better since ghosts started popping up in Amity, and honestly he deserves some credit for that considering they only started popping up over half a year ago.
He does, however, gasp. And he gasps hard, the type that has a high chance of giving you the hiccups afterwards; the painful, chest-thumping kind. Danny slams both hands over his mouth and stumbles backwards, eyes wide and his heart kicking into the fifth gear in his ears.
Bleeding out from the shadows is a man entirely drenched in black, Danny can hardly make out his silhouette and barely catches the white glints of his eyes. Fear like a prey animal burns in his lungs, wild and rabid, Danny has half a mind to bolt.
His ghost sense didn't go off, which might just be the most terrifying thing.
The man doesn't move any more than a step, just enough that Danny can barely see him, but he can feel him watching him. Shit. Shit. He should've never stuck around.
His hands are still over his mouth, Danny, shaking, flutters them open, "How-- h-- how--" he wheezes, "how long have you been standing there?"
#danny fenton is not the ghost king#dpxdc#dpxdc crossover#dp x dc#dp x dc crossover#dpxdc au#dpxdc fic#dpxdc prompt#homeless danny au#batdad batdad batdad#danny is not immune to fear. nor is he immune to being startled or thrown off#my idea for this is that it takes place in the og TUE timeline so danny has no idea about his evil future. but things went differently#regardless. he keeps running away from Vlad because he hates him and he doesn't want to stay with him. he wants to stay with alicia but#he doesnt want to get her in trouble if he runs to her. so he's just been pulling houdini acts on vlad and getting increasingly desperate#about them. Vlad gets angrier every time he finds him and more possessive. this is Danny's first time hiding somewhere that isnt illinois o#wisconsin. he doesnt really have a plan other than 'survive?'#bruce: who is this sassy lost child | danny: what the FUCK that is NOT A GHOST?? WHAT ARE YOU? WHAT THE FUCK IS THAT?#anyways danny being a car guy ends up getting him adopted (eventually)#danny is the weird (kinda friendly but distant?) homeless kid bruce keeps running into on patrol#bruce is going 'pspspsps' at the homeless kid and it is slowly working. somehow. this shouldnt be working but they're both freaks#so it IS in fact working.#danny evolves slowly from 'flighty homeless kid' to 'cat who keeps bringing bruce dead animals' to 'sonboy'#the dead animals are insider info about organized crime going on in gotham. bruce keeps going '??? where and how did you find this???'#danny just goes 'heh >:}' and bruce goes '??? STOP??? pls stop you're gonna get hurt' 'no its helping you'#danny has no interest in being a vigilante or anything btw BUT he brings info he think might be useful to Batman because otherwise the#bystander guilt will crush him. like a bug. 'i might not be able to do anything but YOU can' also he's hiding from Vlad he doesnt want word#of ghosts or anything matching his description getting out.#catwoman: you two know each other? | danny: im the weird homeless kid he keeps running into on patrol
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Shen Qingqiu gets hit by a rare wife plot.
And it actually is a rare one because Airplane didn't even write this one down! He toyed with the idea before ultimately dismissing it as being too controversial for the tastes of his readers, and adapting only a few of the same elements for a subsequent chapter of PIDW.
But apparently the System can pull inspiration even from the author's thoughts, especially when there's nothing to contradict the concept and even a few threads of it still to be found in the original, and somehow Shen Qingqiu runs afoul of this previously-unwritten plot bunny.
The core concept was a cuck scenario, of all things. One of the Luo Binghe's wives gets afflicted by a poison that can only be cured by dual cultivation, but specifically can't be cured by by dual cultivation with anyone who has mastery over demonic qi. Something something conflicting energies, something bullshit something. Peerless Cucumber would have ripped the chapter to shreds if it had actually made it to publication, not just for the insult of implying that Luo Binghe should let one of his wives sleep with someone else, but also because why would Luo Binghe -- able to use both kinds of cultivation -- somehow not be able to keep his demonic energies from influencing the situation just in this one case?
Well it turns out that in his specific case it's because sex gets him too worked up to keep things strictly separate, and the degree of control required to treat the affliction whilst dual cultivating is extensive enough that even a little slip-up would be fatal.
Of course, in the actual chapter of PIDW, this same plot device was altered and used to create a harem orgy where Luo Binghe oversaw several of his wives "treating" one another's "afflictions", but Shen Qingqiu just had to go and get a fatal of dose of the more severe version (he didn't realize the risk, because again, this version didn't even make it into the novel).
Anyway, of course this ends up with Shen Qingqiu trying to figure out another way to cheat death, while Luo Binghe goes through the five stages of grief before accepting that he's just going to have to let someone else fuck his husband. This leads to an argument because of course Shen Qingqiu's not going to cheat on Luo Binghe, and he's especially not going to force one of his martial siblings to sleep with him, come on now, and Luo Binghe trying not to cry tears of blood while bringing himself to explain that a fair few of Shen Qingqiu's sect siblings would be happy volunteers for this task.
Shen Qingqiu's just like, well of course you think that, for some bizarre reason you think everyone wants to sleep with me. Bias is what it is. Really it's flattering Binghe but obviously every other person we know is straight, that's just statistics, and everyone in the entire cultivation world knows that Qi Qingqi would sooner chew glass than have sex with a man!
Luo Binghe, weeping now: Shizun please. This is serious. I need you speak words that make sense in the order you're saying them.
They argue, they reach an impasse, the clock is ticking. So Luo Binghe reluctantly turns to the most reliable source of information (outside of himself) on Manipulating Shen Qingqiu to Do Things That Are in His Own Best Interests -- Shang Qinghua.
At first Shang Qinghua is like, well I'm flattered Junshang but I don't think I could shoulder the baggage of fucking Cucumber-bro for you. But then Luo Binghe is like no I need someone who is way hotter and more capable than you, if Shizun is going to fuck someone else at my behest they're going to be TOP TIER so that when I fuck him better afterwards he's really impressed with me. Liu Qingge, obviously.
Not Yue Qingyuan, Shang Qinghua asks? (He'd take the insult a little more personally but honestly he's just relieved that he's not being asked to navigate this social minefield.)
No, Luo Binghe says. He's not 100% sure he could beat Yue Qingyuan in a fight even to this day, which in his mind also translates to not being 100% sure he could do sex better than him either, so Yue Qingyuan is an emergency last resort. He's way more likely to cry on Shizun too and Shen Qingqiu is into that shit, it's too risky.
Alright, says Shang Qinghua, and he thinks about it, and then he comes up with the beautifully simple solution:
Luo Binghe has to fuck Liu Qingge first.
Because of course the crux of the issue is that even with permission, Shen Qingqiu doesn't want to cheat on Luo Binghe. But in the twisted annals of his mind, Luo Binghe himself is still entitled to a harem, even if Luo Binghe is also happily monogamous in this life. So if he shacks up with Liu Qingge first then Liu Qingge essentially joins Luo Binghe's harem, at which point if Shen Qingqiu sleeps with him it's not an affair, it's the gay version of those fanservice-y 3P scenes that the wives in PIDW did. Shang Qinghua translates the concept as best as he can to Luo Binghe, who -- though slightly dubious -- must accept that so far Shang Qinghua's wisdom hasn't steered him wrong with regards to his shizun's eccentricities.
Luo Binghe's mission: seduce Liu Qingge, or at least convince him to have sex, or possibly to lie and (convincingly!) tell Shen Qingqiu that they had sex. That last one is the longest shot so he's probably going to have to just fuck him (Luo Binghe still underestimates how willing his husband is to believe that just about anyone would have sex with him).
Shang Qinghua's mission: convince Shen Qingqiu that he owes his husband steamy threeway gay sex or something so that this plan he pulled out of his ass doesn't backfire and get him killed.
#svsss#bingliushen#scum villain#scum villain's self saving system#mobei jun comes over at some point to ask what his husband is doing#and shang qinghua is just like oh just solving love life problems for our mutual overlord again#and mobei jun is like I thought he was fucking your weird cucumber guy I thought that was it#so shang qinghua has to explain and mobei jun is just like oh I see we're finally getting him a respectable harem okay that makes sense#mobei jun has also been contemplating expanding his own harem#although in his case he views it more like picking out live prey to put in shang qinghua's enclosure to see if he eats it or what#just arranging some political matches he has zero intention of consummating and waiting for how long it takes them to get poisoned#or fall into lava pits or whatever#the idea amuses him#shang qinghua: my king pls don't do that I have enough headaches as it is
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