#he has CHRONIC mommy issues | Explore Tumblr posts and blogs

starlightkun · 5 months ago

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➠ word count: 13.5k ➠ warnings: scenes of a child crying if you don’t want to read that (nightmares and stuff), also people are called mommy/daddy in this so if you can’t be normal abt that please skip this one ➠ genre: fluff, angst? but like around them in terms of life not within their relationship, established relationship, parents sungchan/reader, former hockey captain sungchan, chronically ill reader (chronic migraines), part of the buzzer beater series (after freezing the puck, or if you’ve only read buzzer beater & 27jsc, this should still make sense!) ➠ extra info: the reader in this has chronic migraines, which i have. when the reader’s migraines, experiences as a chronically ill person, and thoughts about being chronically ill are described, that is me writing directly from my own life. i am not generalizing the lives of all people with chronic migraines/chronic illnesses, but i am sending all my love to any readers out there living with a chronic illness, and here’s a reminder to go take your meds! ➠ author’s note: i can’t believe we’re finally done omg. i miss them so much already 🤧 thank you so much to everybody who has followed along with this series! i wasn’t expecting this to be a whole series, nor for so many people to like this fic that i started when i was feeling super frustrated with my migraines. it was definitely something that was super personal and specific to me that i was blown away by how many of y’all liked it and told me you related. so thank you, again!! ➠ series masterlist

“Really? You’re reading Breton lais to our child?” Sungchan’s teasing whisper was barely audible. “He’s going to start school saying stuff like nary and furthermore.”

“Says the man who knew I was reading a Breton lai,” you shot back just as quietly.

“Binnie, are you ready to go see Daddy?” You asked your son excitedly as you unbuckled his seatbelt, helping him out of the backseat and onto the parking lot pavement.

“Yeah!” He yelled out, the small sound echoing impressively in the open area. The five-year-old ran ecstatic circles around you as you walked calmly towards the university’s ice rink. “Mommy, am I skating with Daddy today?”

“I don’t know, you’ll have to ask him nicely after he’s done working,” you informed Woobin as he skidded to a half-skip half-walk next to you, grabbing your gloved hand with his.

Walking into the hockey rink that you knew like the back of your own hand at this point, you saw the Raptors still practicing, and guided your son into the bleachers so you two could watch. Woobin climbed up on the seat next to you, standing on it so he could actually see, and you offered a hand for him to keep himself balanced. He used it until he felt stable, then pushed it away insistently. A few of the players waved at you two, and you both waved back, your son as enthusiastic as ever when he got noticed, waving practically with his entire little body.

Sungchan was on the ice, directing two players with his back to you, and as he skated backward away from them for them to line up and continue practicing, he happened to glance over his shoulder and in your direction. You raised a casual hand in greeting, and he waved back. Woobin sent him a zealous, flying kiss with his whole arm, and Sungchan visibly laughed and immediately went to do it back. After the two players that he’d been instructing had presumably corrected the issue, your husband gave them both pats on the shoulder before skating over your way.

Woobin screamed out a “Hi Daddy!” so loud you were sure the entire campus could hear him, and every head on the ice turned around to look. You burst into laughter, rubbing his back fondly at his enthusiasm, and Sungchan covered his face as he chortled as well.

A few minutes later and Coach called practice, the players slowly starting to filter off the ice and into the locker room. You guided Woobin down through the bleachers towards the gate, where Sungchan was waiting for the two of you.

Your husband had already opened the gate to the ice, standing on the flooring just off it, where you and your son were walking. Woobin flung himself at his legs at full-speed, and Sungchan easily picked him up, beaming as he kissed his forehead.

“Hey, buddy!” Sungchan grinned, readjusting your son’s beanie.

“Hi, Daddy!” He chirped back, bouncing in his arms.

“Hi, hon,” he kissed your cheek, and you gave his a quick peck in greeting as well.

“Hey, Channie.” You slipped your arm around his back in a one-armed hug. “Little dude wants to ask you something.”

“Oh really?” Sungchan focused his inquisitive eyebrow raise at your son.

“Can I skate with you? Please? Pretty please? Pretty pretty please?” Woobin immediately put on his best pout and puppy dog eyes, a display that always made you wonder how he wasn’t genetically Sungchan’s. The two of you had agreed some time ago that with your chronic migraines having a genetic component, you didn’t want to risk passing it down, and had looked into fostering initially. Woobin was your first placement at just a few days old, and he never left, the adoption going through right before his second birthday.

“Mr. Coach ended practice early, so we do have a few minutes,” your husband qualified his acquiescence.

“Yay!”

“You joining us, hon?”

“Sure.”

After fetching yours and your son’s skates from his office, Sungchan helped Woobin put his on, then double checked yours as always. Having married a former collegiate hockey player turned collegiate hockey coach, you’d gotten proficient enough at lacing up your own skates, but he wanted be sure every time that you weren’t going to twist your ankle, or have them come untied, or something else unfortunate.

Coach was still on the ice with the current goalie and center on one end, so you and your family kept to the other side. Woobin squealed and yipped with delight as Sungchan half-carried and half-pulled him around on the ice, you trailing behind with a fond smile on your lips as you watched on.

“Mr. Coach!” Woobin suddenly called to the other end of the rink.

“Oh, Binnie, Mr. Coach is working right now,” Sungchan tried to divert him. “We should leave him alone for now, buddy.”

“What was that, champ?” Coach’s gruff voice responded, the older man starting in your direction.

Woobin was absolutely thrilled to have his attention now, trying to pull Sungchan that way. “Mr. Coach! Mr. Coach!”

“I’m right here, kiddo,” he smoothly stopped right in front of your son. “I’m old but I’m not deaf yet. What do you want to tell me?”

“Mommy signed me up for my own hockey team today!” Woobin told him proudly. “Are you gonna be my coach too?”

“I don’t coach every hockey team in the world, you know.”

Woobin looked down at his skates dejectedly, as if he hadn’t considered this possibility before now.

“But… I did let your dad talk me into being his assistant coach for a certain little league team this season. Was that yours?” Coach asked teasingly, making the boy let out a loud gasp of realization.

“Was it, Daddy? Was it?” He looked up at your husband with wide eyes.

“Maybe…” Sungchan replied with a sly grin.

Woobin rounded on you, buzzing with excitement. “Did you hear that, Mommy? Mr. Coach is gonna be my coach!”

“I heard, buddy. Just like he was your Daddy’s coach,” you chuckled. Looking up at the older man, you added, “How does that make you feel, Coach? Teaching multiple generations?”

“Like my back is going to give out any day now,” he groaned and grabbed his lumbar. “Don’t remind me, Y/N, please.”

You laughed, making a motion of zipping up your lips and throwing away the key.

“Anyway, let me finish up with these two,” he gestured to the two Raptors still milling about on the other end of the ice. “Are you locking up, Jung?”

“Not today, got some errands to run before buddy’s naptime,” Sungchan explained.

“I’m five, I don’t need a nap anymore!” Woobin insisted.

“Hey, champ, look at me,” Coach requested, and waited until he had his attention before continuing. “How old do you think I am?”

“I don’t know, like a hundred?”

You couldn’t help but burst into laughter, grabbing Sungchan’s arm for support as he at least had the decency to cover his mouth to hide his chuckles.

Coach nodded, not breaking eye contact with your son. “Exactly. I’m like a hundred, and I still take naps.”

“Really?”

“Really. You need them to make sure your brain—” he poked the boy’s forehead “—and your body—” he poked his belly, making him giggle “—are at their best. Especially a growing kid like you.”

“So why do you need them? If you’re not a kid anymore?”

“I’m saying you need them extra because you’re a kid. Grown-ups need them sometimes too.”

He pouted thoughtfully for a moment, then pointed up at you. “Mommy takes naps when she has a migraine. That’s when her head hurts really, really bad.”

“There you go. Told you they weren’t just for kids.” Coach stood up straight, cracking his back with a satisfied groan. “I’ll see you all later, okay?”

“Bye, Mr. Coach!” Woobin waved enthusiastically.

“See you Monday, Coach,” Sungchan nodded to him.

You mouthed a ‘thank you’ to him, and he shot you a wink over his shoulder before skating back over to his players, his voice immediately souring as he started barking out orders again.

With the excitement of his upcoming little league team on his mind, your son insisted on having Sungchan show him moves and maneuvers today. You were of course the default practice dummy both for Sungchan to demonstrate, and your son to practice. Which only worked so well since none of you had sticks or a puck or gear of any kind except for your skates, but Woobin was having fun, so you were happy.

Coach eventually finished with the guys at the other end, and as you saw him start off the ice first, you called out to him, “Done for the day, Coach?”

He turned back to you. “I wish! Got some paperwork to finish up in the office! If somebody’s bleeding—call 911, not me!”

You laughed, giving him a final wave as he headed off. About to turn to your family to suggest that you leave to do your errands as well, you spotted the two Raptors players still loitering by the goal, no longer practicing, and yet still not rushing to leave.

“You boys need something?” You asked them knowingly.

“Well, if it’s alright with you, Professor…” the goalie, who had been in your Intro to Literary Theory and Criticism class last spring, began.

“We were wondering if we could see if we could skate with the MVP too?” The center finished hopefully.

“Just for a little! We heard you telling Coach you guys had errands to run before his naptime!” His friend rushed to add.

Woobin’s focus had already started waning on his impromptu lesson from his dad, and as you looked over, you could see Sungchan beginning to wind down on his instructing as he realized this. You checked the time on your phone, then looked back to the two college boys. “Sure, you can ask Binnie if he wants to skate.”

They erupted into celebratory hoots, chest-bumping before practically tossing aside their unnecessary equipment. Suddenly realizing themselves, they collected themselves and turned to you, bowing their heads politely. “Thank you, Professor.”

“You’re welcome, boys,” you replied with humor in your voice, watching as they took off, seemingly racing each other to Sungchan and Woobin.

You could hear bits of their conversation from where you were leaning against the wall halfway down the rink, and watched fondly as your son’s face lit up with enthusiasm, then the Raptors players started pulling him down the ice with them, his delighted laughter bouncing around the rink.

Sungchan leisurely skated over and stopped in front of you. With a great flourish, he bowed and offered his hand out to you. You laughed, placing your hand atop his, and he dropped a kiss to the back of your gloved fingers. He stood up straight again, pulling you off the wall with little resistance from you, before taking both your hands and beginning to skate backwards in front of you, guiding you along with him. Neither of you chose to mention the fact that you knew how to skate just fine, playing along with the fun of the moment as he easily took you around the rink that you were sure he could navigate with his eyes closed at this point.

“Oh, do we have dishwasher pods on the list?” You suddenly asked as soon as the thought popped into your mind.

“We put it on there last night when we loaded the dishwasher and saw that we were almost out,” he reassured you, not even breaking stride.

“Right, thanks.” You smiled, giving his hands a squeeze.

“I also put dish soap on there this morning, by the way.”

“I love you.”

He slowed the two of you down on the far side of the rink, letting go of one of your hands to wrap an arm around your waist and pull you closer. “I love you too, baby.”

After doing a few things out and about, the three of you headed home.

“Hey, buddy,” Sungchan called for your son’s attention, his hands occupied with groceries. “Do you want me or Mommy to help you get ready for your nap? Or are you going to try to do it yourself?”

“Mm…” He looked up at the ceiling thoughtfully. “Mommy!”

“Alright, help with the groceries then I’ll help you, Binnie,” you bargained, putting a bag down on the ground in his reach.

As Woobin dutifully put the bags of chips and boxes of gummies on the lower shelves of the pantry that he could reach, you and Sungchan quickly put away the rest of the groceries. When there was just cleaning and other household supplies left, your husband grabbed those and nodded towards your son.

“Go put buddy down, I’ve got this.”

“Thanks, Channie,” you pecked his cheek before turning to your child. “Lead the way!”

Woobin was able to get into his pajamas by himself, so you were really just there to tuck him in and kiss his forehead. You never bought into the “cry themselves out” mindset from the get-go, and to this day would sit with him until he fell asleep if he asked.

Except this time, he didn’t get into bed at all, standing next to the piece of furniture with you and staring at it like you were about to cliff dive instead of nap. He looked up at you, and you already saw his bottom lip quivering.

“Mommy?”

“Yeah, Binnie, I’m right here, my sweet,” you promised, kneeling down in front of him so you were eye-to-eye. “What’s wrong?”

He threw his arms around your neck, taking quick, shallow breaths as he very bravely tried to communicate with you. “I don’t wanna—I don’t wanna…”

“Okay, I won’t make you right now,” you promised, rubbing his back. “Will you tell me what’s making you upset? Is it the nap? Going to sleep? Did you have a bad dream?”

But he had already devolved into incomprehensible sobs, and you bit your lip at the twinge in your chest. “Alright, sweet, how about we go to Mommy and Daddy’s room? Hm? And I’ll read you something. If you don’t want to nap, you don’t have to today, okay? Sound good?”

You could feel him nod into your shoulder, and that was all you needed to pick him up and settle him on your hip to carry him out of his room. As you passed by Sungchan putting away new bottles of dish soap and dishwasher pods under the sink, he gave you a concerned look. You mouthed a ‘later’ to him as you took your son across your house and into your room. As you passed by your bookshelf, you quickly selected a book, then sat down at the head of your bed, Woobin on your lap. Pulling your blanket up over you two, you let him get settled in and comfortable, still very much crying all the while.

Holding your book with one hand and resting the other on his back, you started reading. After a while, his sobs died down to hiccups, which petered out to just the occasional sniffle. But you could see that he was still awake, his eyes open and following your place as you read. Then, after a while longer, they started to slowly fall shut and his chin would tilt down, then he’d quickly open his eyes again and jerk his head up. Finally, he couldn’t fight the heaviness of his lids, and he fell asleep. You put your bookmark in where you were just before his eyes closed, but kept reading past that, just in case. Out of the corner of your eye, you saw the door handle slowly turn, and your bedroom door inch open before Sungchan peered in.

Your husband pointed to the boy in your lap, then made a gesture of pretending to sleep on a pillow, lifting his eyebrows questioningly after. You nodded, still reading softly.

Sungchan slipped in the room, closing the door quietly behind him as well. Having come to a stopping place, you finally closed your book and set it aside on the one you already had on your nightstand.

“Really? You’re reading Breton lais to our child?” Sungchan’s teasing whisper was barely audible. “He’s going to start school saying stuff like nary and furthermore.”

“Says the man who knew I was reading a Breton lai,” you shot back just as quietly.

“Getting married to a lit professor, you pick up a few things.” He then looked down at Woobin. “What happened?”

You sighed and readjusted slightly to hold him tighter now that you had two free arms. “I don’t know. He couldn’t tell me. As soon as he had to get into bed for his nap he just… broke down.”

A deep frown cut across Sungchan’s face as he stroked your son’s hair, but he said nothing else. He left the room, and you heard him moving around throughout the house as you picked up the other book from your nightstand. Eventually, he meandered back in, sitting on his side of the bed and setting up his laptop to quietly work beside you as your son continued napping on your lap and you continued your book. In addition to doing research at the university and being the assistant coach for the hockey team, Sungchan had picked up teaching a couple of Intro to Biology for majors sections, and you could see him answering emails from his students out of the corner of your eye. You were rereading the material for the Direct Study you were leading next semester.

Eventually, Woobin slowly started stirring, grumbling, yawning, and rubbing at his eyes before burying his face back in your chest with a sigh. You stroked his back, attention still on your book. He turned over in your arms when he finally decided that he was awake, blinking his eyes open and staring off into the middle distance.

“Hey, Binnie, you awake?” Sungchan asked quietly.

He nodded slowly, stretching his arms up, and you had to duck your head out of the way to avoid getting smacked in the face by a stray hand.

“Sleep good?” Your husband kept talking to him.

He nodded again, letting out another adorable little yawn.

“Of course you did,” Sungchan chuckled, gently pinching the tip of his nose. “You got the best seat in the house right there, bud.”

Woobin made grabby hands at Sungchan, and he moved his laptop to the side to transfer him from your lap to his, pressing a kiss to his forehead once he was settled in against his chest.

“Uncle Chenle is going to be over soon,” you reminded your son of your plans for the night. “Are you excited?”

He perked up at this. “Yeah! He said he was gonna bring me back a souvenir!”

“He does love to spoil you,” Sungchan shook his head, ruffling the boy’s hair.

As Woobin busied himself with his toys in his room, the horrors of naptime all but forgotten, you and Sungchan were having a fervent, whispered conversation in your bedroom.

“Should we even go tonight?” You asked, pulling your outfit on.

“I know, I’m worried about bedtime…” Sungchan sighed, nevertheless assisting you with your zipper.

“Chenle’s really good with him, and you know how much he dotes on Woobin.” You paused in front of the mirror, smoothing out the wrinkles. You weren’t sure if you were trying to convince yourself or your husband at this point.

“I know, I don’t doubt how much he loves our kid, or how much buddy loves him,” he replied, fidgeting with his tie behind you. “I just… would hate to not be there.”

“Me too,” you replied quietly, turning around to fix his tie yourself. “I can practically feel the stress migraine coming on thinking about it.”

“Okay, well don’t do that, baby,” Sungchan insisted, resting his hands on your waist to pull you closer. “I mean, that didn’t happen at bedtime yesterday, did it?”

“No, it didn’t,” you agreed. “Or naptime yesterday…”

“Who’s to say it’ll happen at bedtime today?” He suggested. “Might’ve been a one-time thing. Or only for naps.”

“Right.” You breathed out, having finished with his tie, and now looked up at him questioningly. “So we’re going?”

“Seems like it.”

“We should still give Chenle a heads-up.”

“Of course.”

Chenle pulled up in his sleek luxury car soon after, and you made sure to greet him at the door while Sungchan helped Woobin put his toys up.

“Whew! Look at you!” Chenle whistled as he pulled back from hugging you, grabbing your hand and twirling you around. “MILF! MILF! MILF!”

You laughed, shaking him off. “Quiet! You’re a menace, I swear. You better be filtering around my child.”

“Of course, of course.” He held his hands up in surrender, and you saw that one held a gift bag. A rather large gift bag.

“And what did you bring him this time? Milan, was it?”

“A model of the Arco della Pace for us to build together, of course.”

“Oh, of course.” You shook your head fondly, but couldn’t stop the worry from overtaking your mood. “Chenle, I do have to tell you something.”

Your friend immediately matched your change in mood, furrowing his brow with concern. “Everything okay, Y/N?”

“When I was trying to put Binnie down for his nap today, he couldn’t get into his bed. He couldn’t tell me what was wrong, he just started crying and saying he didn’t want to. He had to take his nap in our room with the two of us. I don’t know what’s wrong, but I wanted to give you a heads up, in case it happens again at bedtime, since I know you always say he’s really good for you. If it does, just call and we’ll come right back, okay? Don’t feel bad at all, it’s not your fault.”

Chenle listened carefully and nodded thoughtfully as you explained the situation to him. “Okay, yeah. Are you two sure you even want to go? We can all have a really fun hangout with Uncle Chenle and then I can peace before bedtime if that’s what needs to happen tonight.”

You gnawed on your bottom lip, but ultimately shook your head. “We told Ten we were going to be there. I’d like to at least try to see him accept the award.”

“Of course.” Chenle patted his chest. “I won’t take it personally if he starts crying for Mommy at bedtime tonight.”

“When you put it like that I really don’t want to go.”

“Go,” he insisted. “We’ll be fine.”

“Uncle Chenle!” A delighted squeal came as your son ran in, wrapping himself around Chenle’s legs like a koala.

“Hey, Binnie!” Your friend beamed down at him, squeezing his cheeks in one hand. “How are you?”

“I’m good!” His words were a little garbled as Chenle smushed his face.

“Hey, Chenle,” Sungchan greeted him as well, patting him on the shoulder as he walked by to get to your side.

“Hey, Sungchan!”

“Are you ready to go, hon?” Your husband asked you as the other two started an enthusiastic guessing game of what Chenle brought Woobin back as a souvenir from Milan.

“Yeah.” You nodded. Raising your voice slightly to address the others, you announced, “Alright, guys, we’re heading out. Binnie, Daddy and I will be back after you’re asleep, okay?”

“Goodbye and goodnight!” He darted over as you and Sungchan knelt down to each give him a hug, and two more kisses—one for goodbye, and another for his goodnight kiss, since you wouldn’t be putting him to bed. Really, when you came home, you two always checked on him and gave him one last peck goodnight then, but he of course didn’t know that.

The award for Literary Theory Journal Editor of the Year had barely been placed in Ten’s hands when you saw Sungchan’s phone light up in his lap out of the corner of your eye. He squeezed your shoulder in a silent ‘be right back’ before standing from your table and quietly slipping out of the ballroom. You kept your eyes on Ten as he gave a short and charismatic acceptance speech, clapping when everyone else did, though you stayed keenly aware of the empty seat next to you. Your friend got his picture taken and shook lots of hands on his way back to your table, and your colleagues at your table all rose to greet him when he finally returned.

“Congrats, Ten,” you hugged him, your eyes straying over his shoulder to the door that Sungchan had left through.

“Thanks, Y/N,” he patted your back, pulling away still with a wide grin. “I saw Sungchan get up, is everything alright?”

You waved off his concerns for now. “Chenle probably set off the smoke alarm or something.”

Sungchan returned just a moment later, staving off his clearly concerned face for long enough to give Ten his congrats as well.

“You missed my hilarious acceptance speech, Sungchan,” Ten clicked his tongue in feigned disappointment.

“Damn, maybe next year.”

“Ooh, you think I’ll win next year too?”

“Why not?” Sungchan shrugged. “I don’t know how all the other editors could suddenly get better than you in a year.”

“Great point.”

The awards had continued, and everyone took their seats, though your focus was only on Sungchan and whatever that call was about. He leaned over to inform you quietly, “That was Chenle. SOS for buddy’s bedtime, sounds like the same as naptime.”

You bit your lip and nodded.

“I’ll get the car,” he murmured before giving your shoulder a fleeting touch and leaving your table.

You turned to Ten to give him a real reason behind your sudden departure. “Hey, that was Chenle, and Woobin is—”

“It’s all good,” your friend cut you off with a smile, patting your arm. “Go be good parents, you’ve already been good friends. Promise.”

“Thanks.” You could feel the relieved smile on your face. “Congrats again, Ten.”

After giving your hushed goodbyes to the rest of your colleagues, you hurried out of the ballroom. Sungchan didn’t complain about the anxious death grip you had on his hand the entire ride home, simply smoothing his thumb over your knuckles as the fingers of his other hand tapped out impatient rhythms on the steering wheel at every red light you got stuck at.

Finally, you arrived home, and you didn’t even have to go searching for Woobin and Chenle, as you were barely in your foyer and Sungchan hadn’t even had the chance to finish locking the front door behind him when a small form came running in, barreling into your legs. Chenle was a few steps behind your son, entering right after him. Woobin was blubbering and sobbing against you, beyond the point of any sort of intelligible speech. You sighed forlornly and rested a hand on his head, feeling your heart break as you looked down at him, not knowing how to help him.

Sungchan immediately took your purse from your other hand, rubbing your back briefly as he passed by. As he and Chenle went to talk in the living room, you hooked your hands under your son’s arms and heaved him up onto your hip, carrying him into your room with you. You maneuvered to support him with one arm so you could take off your shoes with the other hand, tossing them in the vague direction of your closet door. Sitting on the edge of your bed, you readjusted him so that he was sitting in your lap, crying into your neck, and you gently stroked the back of his head as he shook in your arms.

“I’m right here, Binnie. I’ve got you. Mommy’s right here,” you told him softly, a hard lump growing in your throat. “You’re okay, my sweet. You’re okay. I promise, I’ve got you.”

Eventually, you heard Chenle and Sungchan’s hushed voices pass by, then the front door open and close. A couple minutes later, there was a soft knocking at your bedroom door.

“Hey, that’s Daddy,” you informed Woobin. “Is it okay if he comes in and stays with us too?”

Woobin nodded from where his face was still hidden in your neck. His sobs hadn’t stopped, and at this rate, you were worried he was going to make himself throw up with how much he was crying and hiccupping.

“Come in,” you called out.

Sungchan had already discarded his suit jacket and tie elsewhere, you realized as he slipped into the room. A pained look quickly took over his features as his eyes immediately found the two of you. He set the no-spill cup he’d brought in with him—Woobin’s favorite cartoon characters printed all around the outside—down on your nightstand as he sat down next to you.

“Hey, buddy, it’s me,” Sungchan said quietly. “I brought some water; I thought your throat might be hurting a little.”

You son let out a couple sniffles, as if contemplating this for the first time.

Your husband continued, “Do you think you can sit with me and drink some water while Mommy changes into her jammies?”

“I won’t leave the room, sweet,” you assured him. “I’ll be right here with you and Daddy.”

In lieu of a verbal response, he nodded again and loosened the vice-like grip he’d had around your neck, letting you shift him over into his dad’s arms. Before you could go run and do the fastest change of your life, Sungchan grabbed your hand, pulling you around to look at him. As you gazed down at him, with Woobin bawling inconsolably in his lap, the two of you exchanged a brief, unspoken moment of uncertainty, unknowing, of knowing that neither of you knew what to do for your son. Your hand was shaking—or maybe that was his—as you clutched each other tightly for just a second.

Then you had to let go of him to rush to change, and Sungchan tried to gently coax Woobin into taking a sip of water. You could hear him coaching your son through taking just one little sip at a time and not chugging, or he’d make himself sick. You, meanwhile, were throwing clothes into the general vicinity of where they needed to go as you pulled on new ones. The nice material now had snot and spit all over them, you were sure they’d need to be dry-cleaned anyway, so you didn’t care about the wrinkles they’d garner from being crumpled up on the floor for the night. You then rushed through taking out your hair and brushing your teeth, keeping the en suite bathroom door open all the while.

Back over with your husband and son, you saw that the task of sipping water had forced his crying to slow down considerably, and you took a deep breath to not pass on your stress back to your child. The last thing you needed to do was get him going again just because you were so worried. He also had his favorite stuffed animal tucked under his other arm, the only one that had survived from his infancy to now, a deer plushie. You didn’t even remember seeing Sungchan bring that in with him, your brain was so scrambled.

“Here, Binnie, Mommy’s back. I feel left out, I’m not the only one not in my jammies,” Sungchan joked, which didn’t even earn a giggle from your child as it normally would’ve. “You want to go back to Mommy and I’ll get changed?”

Woobin nodded, and Sungchan let you get into a more comfortable position up by the headboard before depositing your son into your arms. You could at least see some of his face from the new angle of him sitting sideways in your lap, and it was of course red, puffy, and covered in tears. Sungchan must have already cleaned up some of his snot, as you spotted several discarded tissues on the nightstand.

“Did Puck come to make sure you were okay, too?” You asked quietly, gently tapping one of the plushie’s soft antlers. Puck the Buck, as he had been so brilliantly named some time ago.

Another nod and a sniffle.

“That was nice of him.” You stroked the deer’s head. “Thank you, Puck.”

Woobin patted the deer’s head, too, and as you watched more tears fall down his cheeks, you pressed a long kiss to his hair, silently apologizing for not knowing how to fix it all right now. Sungchan came back from the bathroom just a moment later, scooting onto the bed from the other side.

“Okay, Binnie. What do you think? Do you want to watch an episode of your show?” He suggested. “Or Mommy can finish reading you Bisclavret? Or…”

As he tried to think of other options, you gave him a bewildered look over your son’s head at the fact that he apparently knew which Breton lai you were reading earlier. That was something to address later, though.

Woobin shook his head, though.

“No?” Sungchan said questioningly. “No to what? Do you want Mommy to read?”

Head shake.

“Do you want to watch an episode of your show?”

Head nod.

And so you, Woobin, Puck, and Sungchan all settled in under your covers to watch an episode of his favorite cartoon. Except you and Sungchan didn’t have a TV in your bedroom, and both of your laptops were charging across the house in your home office, so you all had to scoot in close to be able to see it on the much smaller screen of Sungchan’s phone. Puck took up a considerable amount of space when crowding around a phone to watch something, and from your vantage point mostly behind your son and the plushie, you couldn’t see a thing past the deer head and antlers, but you didn’t really care about catching up on the children’s cartoon. You were much more preoccupied with listening for Woobin’s sniffles to cease, and watching as his breathing evened out. He was still awake after one episode, but quiet, calm, and Sungchan went ahead and played the next one.

You gently rubbed his back, smiling to yourself when you heard his first yawn of the night. When his second came before the five-minute mark, you knew he wouldn’t last the whole episode. And sure enough, he was out before the halfway point. Sungchan turned his phone off and set it aside. The two of you were curled up on either side of your son, with Sungchan facing him and you.

Your husband reached a hand up, and you thought he was going to stroke Woobin’s hair, but he kept going and gently wiped a thumb under your eye instead, at the fresh tears that had just brimmed there. You placed your hand over his, turning your head just enough to leave a kiss on his palm.

You woke up early in the morning with a stress migraine. When you shuffled into the kitchen to get a glass of water, the stove clock read 3:03. You quickly chugged your first glass of water, then refilled it to take back with you. Walking through to your bathroom, you retrieved your bottle of rescue medication from your drawer. This one was a muscle relaxer, so you didn’t see any point in keeping it in your purse, as you weren’t able to drive after taking it, which you typically needed to do when you were out and about. You knocked back a tablet before screwing the lid back on and putting it away again. After taking a few more sips of your water, you slipped back under the covers with your family.

Your head felt like it was being squeezed in a vice, but you still blearily opened one eye to look at your son, watching as his chest rose and fell peacefully. He was on his back now, and you couldn’t help but lay a hand on his front, feeling his even breaths under your palm. Sungchan’s foot tapped yours under the blanket briefly as he readjusted in his sleep, and you smiled to yourself. And then it happened again, and you peered over to the other pillow suspiciously.

In the low light, you could see Sungchan looking right at you. He pointed to his own head, then raised his eyebrows.

You lifted your hand in a ‘meh’ gesture, then held up 5 fingers to rate it out of 10, before setting your hand back down on Woobin’s front. Sungchan found your arm under the covers, gently squeezing your forearm. You tapped his foot in return, a silent exchange, before closing your eyes and settling back in to sleep.

Two hushed voices woke you up for the second time that morning. Well, one hushed voice, and one who hadn’t quite mastered whispering yet.

“What do you think Mommy—”

“Quiet, buddy, remember?” Sungchan’s words were barely discernible from behind the closed bathroom door. “Your mom’s got a migraine, and—”

“—and Mommy needs to sleep when she’s got a migraine,” Woobin finished dutifully, his voice a notch quieter than before. “So her head feels better.”

“That’s right, bud. Now come on, breakfast.”

“That’s what I—” Your son stopped himself as his voice raised with his excitement. He continued, in his best half-whisper, “Sorry, Daddy. I know: We gotta whisper. Quiet. I was asking what Mommy wants for breakfast?”

The two of them were quiet, and you heard the bathroom door open, then one pair of feet quietly tread across your room to open the bedroom, then shut it softly. You could hear their voices slowly fade as they walked further away.

“I don’t know. Why are you asking?”

“Because you always bring me breakfast in bed when I’m sick!” Woobin’s voice was back to it’s normal volume as he tried to emphatically get his point across to his dad. Sungchan must have gestured for him to quiet down again, as he dropped down to a part-whisper once more, “It’s Mommy’s turn.”

“You’re right. Let’s see what we can make…”

When you first got Woobin, you only got a migraine a couple times a year, a significant drop from when you were first diagnosed. The frequency fluctuated over the years and seasons, though, and there was a short period of time after becoming new parents, that you had been getting them weekly. You knew that put a strain on Sungchan, since a spouse with noise-sensitive migraines and a crying baby didn’t exactly mix. You of course would go through any migraine pain to take care of your son, but your husband couldn’t stand seeing you do it if it could be avoided. After some medication changes, you were fairly consistent with one every other month now. When Woobin was a toddler, and couldn’t quite grasp the concept of needing to play quietly when he wasn’t napping, Sungchan would take him on “field trips” while you rested. You’d decided to give him a simple explanation of a migraine to him when he was a little older, so he could easier differentiate between the migraines that you got, and when he might have a headache from a cold, or because his body was telling him he needed to drink some more water. He was also now your designated band-aid picker for your monthly injection, and had a better grasp on when, why, and how to keep quiet when you needed it.

Your head unfortunately still hurt, though your heart was warmed by your kind-hearted kid. There were lots of times where you and Sungchan felt like you had no clue what you were doing—like your current predicament with bedtime—but you figured you were doing a pretty alright job overall.

You contemplated getting up to take another dose. The only plans you had for today were a family trip to the park and some chores at home. Your husband would probably insist on you skipping the park for today, but if the second dose worked, you could probably get some things done around the house at least. Unfortunately, your days of laying in bed all day when you had a low-level migraine were long gone. If you could open your eyes, you usually had something that needed to get done.

But for this morning, at least, for now, you could close your eyes for just a little longer. You rolled over, away from the window where a thin strip of light had gotten in through a gap between your blackout curtains that Sungchan must have pulled closed.

You didn’t quite go back to sleep, but you dozed somewhere in between as you fondly listened to the sounds of Sungchan and Woobin trying to make breakfast as silently as possible. The running of the sink, sizzling of something on the stove, beep of the microwave before it was hastily shut off, fridge opening and closing, Sungchan’s quiet murmured directions to Woobin, and your son’s inquisitive tone in return.

Eventually, you heard someone shuffling up to your bedroom door, sounding much too small to be your husband. The door very slowly creaked open, and he tiptoed over to your side of the bed.

“Mommy?” His whisper had gotten better over the morning, though it didn’t matter much, since he was definitely right in front of your face.

You cracked open one eye, and offered him a soft smile. “Morning, buddy.”

“Are you awake?”

“Yeah, Binnie, I’m awake,” you chuckled, propping yourself up on one elbow and rubbing your eyes.

“Daddy and I made you breakfast, hold on!” And he darted back out of the room.

You looked at the empty doorway fondly, slowly pushing yourself up into a sitting position at the head of the bed. Sungchan and Woobin reappeared a moment later with a tray filled with various breakfast foods.

“Morning, beautiful,” Sungchan greeted you quietly, pecking the crown of your head as he went to set the tray down in your lap.

“Mm, morning, Channie,” you kissed his cheek before he could stand all the way back up. “This looks wonderful, thank you guys.”

In one corner of the tray you spotted a colorful assortment of pills, all of your morning doses plus what looked like a couple of your acute medications from your purse that was definitely in the dining room. You grabbed your water from the nightstand to get that out of the way first.

“We’ll let you eat in peace,” Sungchan declared, patting your son on the head to start to usher him out.

“No, it’s okay,” you stopped them. “It’s not so bad. I want you two to eat with me.”

Woobin’s face lit up, and he wasted no time in clambering up on the bed with you. You held the tray steady as he wedged himself in next to you.

“Alright, I’ll go get mine and buddy’s plates.”

Woobin was still earnestly pointing out each piece of food on your tray to you, explaining exactly how he had helped Sungchan prepare all of it when your husband returned. Sungchan sat down in front of you, and as he handed your son his plate, you noticed that there was nothing on it that could make too much of a mess if it happened to capsize.

“Sounds like you were a big help,” you praised your son, stroking the back of his head.

“He was,” Sungchan agreed. “Breakfast in bed was his idea.”

“Really?” You feigned surprise as Woobin nodded proudly. They didn’t need to know that you’d heard their entire bathroom conversation. “Thank you, sweet, it was a very good idea.”

After a very quiet breakfast, Sungchan took the plates into the kitchen, and you started making your mental list of tasks for the day. No vacuum—you weren’t a masochist—but there was laundry to do, and if Sungchan started the dishwasher before he left, it would be done and ready to put away before they got back from the park.

Just as you had put your feet over the edge of the bed to get up, with the bathroom as your destination, you were caught off-guard by Woobin trudging into your room with an armful of toys. He dropped them onto your mattress before hauling himself up after them.

“Hey…” You greeted him with an air of question. “What are you doing, Binnie?”

Sungchan must have spotted him on his way over, as he poked his head in right then, already laser-focused on your son. “What’s all this, bud?”

“We can’t go to the park,” he said matter-of-factly, beginning to sort out the toys that had gotten all mixed up in being carried over and dumped into a pile. “I’ll be quiet, promise!”

“I didn’t say we weren’t going at all,” Sungchan clarified. “I just said Mommy needed to stay home this time, because she’s not feeling well. You and I are still going. Minha and her dad are going to be there too.”

“I don’t want to go. I don’t like the park,” he declared, a stern pout creasing his face.

“What? You don’t like the park?” You asked.

“No,” he mumbled. “I hate it.”

You exchanged bewildered looks with Sungchan at this sudden development. Deciding to try again, you said calmly, “Binnie, I’ll go with you next time, okay? I promise. You have lots of fun at the park.”

“No. I don’t want to go.”

“Okay, no park,” Sungchan acquiesced. “But it’s such a nice day out, I think a walk sounds good. What do you think?”

“No.” He crossed his arms.

“Ah, you know, my head feels good enough for a walk,” you said brightly. “I think I’d like to go on a walk. Are you sure you don’t want to go, buddy?”

“Well… okay.”

“Alright,” you beamed at him, patting his cheek as he finally looked up at you. “Mommy’s got to shower then I’ll be ready to go.”

“How about you get out of your jammies too, Woobin?” Sungchan suggested.

“Go ahead, sweet,” you sent him off with one more pat.

Your son wordlessly got off the bed and left your room. As soon as he was gone, you look at Sungchan, utterly at a loss.

“What was that?” He whispered, following you into the bathroom and shutting the door behind you two.

“I don’t know,” you whispered back, pinching the bridge of your nose.

“He loves the park! I mean, he loves going to the grocery store! He’s one of the most go-with-the-flow kids I’ve ever met!”

“He was obviously lying about hating the park. But why? His best friend’s going to be there, he’s been talking about it since we planned it at pickup on Friday.”

“You think it’s related to what’s been going with bedtime and naptime?” Sungchan paced in front of you. “I mean, what if it’s like separation anxiety? Or something?”

“But he loves you.”

“I know, I know.”

“He even went through that phase when he was a year old where he wouldn’t let me put him to sleep, it had to be you every time.”

“I know, I know.” He held his hands up. “I’m just saying… we might have hit a new phase.”

“But I could at least take him to the park without you. And he went to daycare. Now…”

“Hey, tomorrow, I’ll drop him off at school,” Sungchan said. “You know, so it’ll be gradual. The two of us at home, then just me, then he’s at school.”

“Channie, he wouldn’t let you take him to the park today.”

“I just think that if your choice is between leaving him crying at VPK or not, you’re going to be getting a new little TA in your classes tomorrow.”

You chewed on your bottom lip before sighing and nodding. “You’re right, you’re right. Okay, we’ll try your way tomorrow.”

“We’ll figure this out, hon,” he reassured you, wrapping his arms around your waist and hooking his chin over your shoulder. “But not right now in our bathroom while you’ve got a migraine.”

You hugged him back, burying your face in his neck and taking a deep breath. “Yeah, you’re right. Let’s just worry about today right now.”

After your shower, you got dressed in peace and meandered out of your room to find Sungchan and Woobin by the front door. Woobin hadn’t quite mastered shoelaces, so your husband was helping him out. You slipped your own shoes on, and grabbed a pair of sunglasses on the table by the front door.

“Alright, ready?” Sungchan asked, having finished with your son’s shoes.

“Ready!” Binnie chirped.

You offered a thumbs-up, silently reaching to unlock your front door. Woobin went out first, eagerly bounding down the steps of your front porch. You followed after him onto the sidewalk as you listened to Sungchan lock up behind you, then catch up to the two of you with just a few large strides. The sun outside was painfully bright, even with your sunglasses on, and as you held up one hand to cast a shadow over your eyes, you reached your other out to grab Sungchan’s hand. He held yours firmly, even as you squinted and winced against the light, nearly missing a step when you walked in a brighter patch between shadows of trees, keeping you upright and on the paved path.

Woobin was just a couple steps in front of you, seemingly having a great time. He was talking to himself, interspersed with some singing, and of course pointing out anything he found remotely interesting to the both of you.

“Snail!” He yelled out enthusiastically, pointing to said small creature on the ground.

“Cool, buddy,” Sungchan responded encouragingly.

“Worm!”

“I see. Careful, we don’t want to step on him. He’s using the sidewalk too.”

That made Woobin giggle, giving the worm a wide berth as he stepped around it. You stepped over it.

The boy suddenly gasped, and stopped in his tracks as he pointed to a flower in one of your neighbors’ gardens. “Butterfly! Mommy, do you see it?”

You squinted in the direction he was pointing, finally seeing which one he was indicating. A dark butterfly on a bright yellow flower. “Yeah, Binnie, I see it. That’s a swallowtail butterfly.”

“Swallowtail butterfly,” he repeated, slowly to make sure he was pronouncing it right.

“That’s right.” You patted his head with your free hand.

“What other kinds of butterflies are there?” He asked as you continued your walk.

“Oh, lots,” you mused. “Your dad might know a butterfly expert, you know.”

He looked up at Sungchan with wide, hopeful eyes.

“Yeah, Dr. Hwang, one of my co-workers, she’s an entomologist.”

Your son furrowed his brows in concentration. “Entee— enah— innamolologiss.”

“Come on, let’s sound it out, bud: En,” Sungchan talked him through it. Despite his earlier teasing of you reading Breton lai to your son, your husband was just as much to blame for Woobin’s inflated vocabulary, always taking the time to teach him lengthy scientific terms for things.

“En.”

“Tah.”

“Mol.”

“Oh.”

“Gist.”

“Entah.”

“Molo.”

“Gist.”

“Entomologist.”

“Enamolgist.”

“Yeah!” Your husband beamed, holding up his hand for a high five.

“What’s an enamolgist?” Woobin asked.

“A scientist that studies bugs. Like butterflies.”

“Butterflies aren’t bugs!” He insisted.

“They are.”

“But how can they be bugs? They’re butterflies!”

Sungchan laughed. “When you meet Dr. Hwang, you can ask her and she’ll explain it. She can also tell you all about all sorts of butterflies. Okay?”

“Your dad studies fish, remember?” You added. “Way different than bugs and butterflies.”

“And you study books!” Woobin said. “And stories! And reading! And writing!”

“That’s right.” You chuckled fondly. “Way, way different than bugs or butterflies or fish.”

By the time you got back to your house, you could barely open one eye enough to navigate the steps and get through the front door. It felt like you were being stabbed in your left eye, the pain shooting back through the entire left side of your head, and you patted Sungchan’s arm before wordlessly heading off towards your room. You beelined for your bathroom, knocking back another dose of the rescue medication you had in there.

As you clutched your eye with one hand and gripped the bathroom counter tightly with the other, the door was pushed ajar. You quickly went to drop your hand and throw on a smile, then saw it was Sungchan, who put another tablet into your hand, your second rescue medication in the dining room.

“Thanks, baby,” you mumbled, taking that one as well.

He sighed, but said nothing else as he rested a hand on your back. You covered both of your eyes as you turned into his chest, feeling when your fingers quickly turned moist. You took deep, shaking, quiet breaths. One of Sungchan’s hands cradled the back of your head while the other slowly rubbed up and down your back.

“Eye mask?” He murmured, referring to the cooling eye mask you kept in the fridge to help with migraine pain. It could also be microwaved if you wanted it warm instead.

“What’s Binnie doing?” You sniffed.

“Picking a movie for me and him. You’re going to lay down. Do you want your eye mask?”

“Yes, please.”

And so Sungchan grabbed the mask from the fridge for you as you crawled back into bed, handing you your earplugs from your nightstand drawer first.

You tried to refuse, eyes drifting towards your bedroom door. “No, but—”

“I’ve got him, hon.” He opened the case and pushed the earplugs into your hand. “You’ve done plenty, Supermom. Okay?”

You nodded slowly, pushing the earplugs in one at a time. He helped you adjust the eye mask, then pulled the covers up over you. You felt as he stood up from the bed and gave one final pat to your arm.

You woke up to find that the medication and nap had taken the edge off the migraine, at least. There was still a dull ache in your head, and you felt like shit, but it wasn’t the worst that you’d ever felt. You pulled the room-temperature mask off your face and set it on your nightstand before rolling over, fully intending on burying your face in your pillow and going back to sleep if you could.

You weren’t expecting to see Sungchan lying next to you on top of the covers, hand tucked under his cheek. His eyes were open, watching you.

“Hi, Channie,” you said quietly, taking your earplugs out and setting those aside as well.

“How are you feeling?” He asked, voice barely above a murmur.

“I’m alright. Still hurts, but not as bad,” you replied, reaching a hand out towards him. He grasped it, gentle but steadfast. “Where’s Binnie? Down for his nap?”

“Snacktime. I called in backup, though, my dad’s here.”

“I’m—” You stopped yourself before you could apologize, biting down on your lip before mustering up a smile. “Thank you. For taking care of me and buddy today. More than you usually do.”

“I wish I could’ve done more for you, baby,” he sighed, pressing a kiss to the back of your hand.

“You were making sure our son was okay. He can’t use the microwave, I can manage my ten-thousandth migraine on my own.”

“But you shouldn’t have to.”

“It’s not your fault,” you insisted. “You’ve been Superdad and Superhusband today. So relax, okay?”

“Alright.”

“How long is your dad staying?”

“He brought ingredients to make dinner. My mom’s coming when she gets off her shift.”

You smiled fondly at your in-laws’ kindness, and lifted the blankets up. “Five more minutes?”

Sungchan joined you under the covers, immediately wrapping his arms around you and burying his face in your neck. You held him close, savoring his familiar warmth and the comforting pressure of him laying practically on top of you. You curled your fingers in his hair, resting your cheek against the crown of his head.

“Ten,” he mumbled against your skin. “Ten more minutes.”

“Hey Professor, mind if we hang out in here?” A familiar pair of heads had poked into your office, two freshmen Raptors players who definitely weren’t in any of your classes this semester.

“Is there somewhere you should be?” You asked, gesturing to the couch across from you nevertheless. It made no difference to you if two adults decided to skip their college classes, you were more-so just curious. “It’s a bit early to be getting to campus if you don’t have a class…”

“Well, we usually have Coach Jung’s class right now, but he just sent out an email cancelling,” the left wing explained, dropping into one corner as his friend splayed out across the remaining two-thirds.

“And our next class is in this building, so we thought we’d see if you were in,” the right wing finished.

“What class do you have in this building?” You tried to keep a casual tone as you checked your phone for any missed calls or text from Sungchan that would clue you into why he’s suddenly missed his class this morning.

As they proceeded to rant about the 2000-level Grammar class they had signed up for in order to fulfill their Gen Ed requirements, mistakenly thinking it would be easy since it was only a 2000-level, you sent a quick text to your husband.

[you: just checking in. did drop-off go okay?]

Woobin once again slept in yours and Sungchan’s room last night, and though he was a little confused at his dad taking him to school today since you usually dropped him off on Mondays, there was no meltdown when you gave him his goodbye kiss. So far so good, until now.

“What classes are you teaching in the fall, Professor?” The left wing asked you.

“Oh, uh, I’ve got Lit Theory, Direct Study, and I’m teaching a Special Topics section in Contemporary Short Stories. We’ll mostly be focusing on magical realism, surrealism, that sort of thing,” you started rambling, still half-focused on your dark phone screen, waiting for it to light up with Sungchan’s reply. “I know neither of you are Lang majors, but it’s my first Special Topics class and I enjoyed having both of you last semester, so if you have a free slot in the fall, I’d appreciate it if you considered enrolling.”

“Hell yeah, that sounds cool,” the right wing grinned. “Is it going to be like, a bunch of essays, though?”

“There will be a final paper, but it will be mostly Socratic discussion, and the occasional short, one-page synthesis assignment,” you clarified. “No tests, no quizzes. As long as you read and participate enthusiastically, you’ll pass.”

“We’ll be there!” The left wing promised. “We loved your intro class. You’re like, one of the coolest professors ever, that’s why we asked.”

“I’m honored, boys, thanks,” you laughed.

“Coach Jung is cool too,” said the right wing, then he exchanged a mischievous grin with his friend. “But you’re cooler.”

“Oh, I’ve known that for quite some time, I assure you.”

“How long have you two been together?” The left wing asked curiously.

You twisted your wedding ring contemplatively. “Let’s see… We’ve been married for seven years, we started dating our senior year of undergrad, so… fifteen years? Yeah, it’ll be fifteen years this fall.”

“Wow. I didn’t even think you were that old.”

“What? Fifteen?” You chuckled, eyes straying to the picture on your desk of you, Sungchan, and Woobin from the party you held to celebrate his adoption being finalized.

“I mean, like, old enough to have been in college fifteen years ago.”

“Surprise.”

“So you met in senior year—”

“No,” you shook your head. “That’s when we started dating. We met freshman year. First day of classes, actually, if I’m remembering correctly. In one of Dr. Son’s classes, so that tells you how long he’s been teaching.”

“Wow, he needs to retire,” the right wing snorted. “And I mean that with his best intentions at heart.”

“Why are you two so interested in me and Coach Jung all of a sudden?” You questioned, tilting your head and folding your hands over your lap.

“Well, we see you and Coach Jung and our MVP all the time but, you know, we don’t know a lot about you, outside your jobs,” the left wing shrugged. “You two seem cool, you know?”

You couldn’t help but laugh again. “Where are you guys from?”

As they informed you that they were both from the same small town about five hours away, you nodded in understanding. Freshmen that hadn’t seen their parents since the holidays, a break that was only made even shorter by their being on the hockey team.

“You two are more than welcome to pop into my office whenever you happen to see me in here,” you reassured them. “And talk to me about whatever you want.”

By the time the players had left to go to class, you still hadn’t heard back from Sungchan, and you had your own class to teach. It was your Direct Study, which usually met in your office anyway since it was just two students. The conversation in this one was student-led, so as they evaluated what they thought the developing themes in the book were, bouncing ideas off each other, you tried to listen and engage earnestly, even as you stayed painfully aware of the lack of response from your husband.

You never forced them to stay for the entire block of time allotted for the class if the conversation didn’t need it, so when they were about done only forty-five minutes into the hour and a half block, you gave them the next chunk of the reading to do before next week, and bid them farewell. Then immediately left your office.

The Science building was across from the Lang building, and you headed for Sungchan's office first. If he was teaching a class right now, you knew it would be an Intro class and, therefore, most likely in one of the large lecture halls on the first floor, but you weren’t going to interrupt his lecture because he hadn’t replied to your message. You just wanted to check to see if he'd made it to campus yet. His office was on the second floor, past some of the teaching laboratories.

When you tested the door handle, you found it unlocked, and pushed it open. His desk lamp was on, illuminating the pictures he had there: one from your wedding day, another of the three of you from a hockey game, decked out in blue and orange Raptors gear, and a third of just you and Woobin from when he was a baby, the exact occasion you couldn’t pin down. He wasn’t in the office, but his backpack was on his desk chair, so he had at least made it to campus.

Your phone buzzed in your hand, and you looked to see that it was Sungchan calling.

“Hey, Channie,” you answered.

“Hi, hon,” he sounded a little out of breath. “Where are you?”

“Uhm, I’m actually at your office. I got worried…” You admitted.

“Oh, okay. We went to your office but couldn’t find you. Stay put, we’ll come to you.”

“Okay—Wait, ‘we?’”

“Yeah, uh, buddy’s with me,” he sighed shortly. “We'll be there in just a sec, okay? Bye, love you.”

And he hung up.

When Sungchan’s office door opened a few minutes later, Woobin was, in fact, the first thing that came through, immediately running to wrap his arms around your legs. Sungchan stepped through the door a moment later, looking disheveled as he took your son’s small backpack off his shoulder and put it on one of the chairs across from his desk.

“Hey, Binnie,” you greeted your son brightly, despite your alarm and confusion, hugging him back tightly. The harrowed look on Sungchan’s face was enough to let you know that this was something for you two to talk about later.

“Mommy!” Woobin was practically buzzing with excitement. “Mommy, guess what!”

“What, buddy?”

“Daddy said I can meet an enamolgist today!”

“Wow! That’s awesome,” you patted his head. “Did he say when Dr. Hwang was available?”

“I was just about to call her,” Sungchan answered. “We wanted to find you first, hon.”

“I saw some cool posters in the hall, Binnie,” you let go of your son and offered him your hand. “Let’s go look at those while your dad makes his call, okay?”

“Okay!” He took your hand and let you guide him out into the hall, shutting the office door behind you.

The first one you found was a diagram of a wetland ecosystem, taller than your head, and spanned the entire wall between two offices.

“I can’t see it,” Woobin craned his neck to look at the poster. “Can you pick me up, please?”

You hoisted him up by his underarms and onto your hip. “Is that better?”

“Thank you!” He then pointed to an animal. “What’s that?”

“Here, it’s labeled. Do you see?” You showed him the black line connecting the animal to its common name and scientific name. “Can you read that first one?”

“Spotted… sal… uh… man… der?”

“Spotted salamander, good!” You confirmed.

“So this one is a…” he pointed to another animal, following the line to its name. “Green… ana… con… da. Green anaconda!”

“That’s right, Binnie.”

The two of you were still on that same poster sounding out animal names, when Sungchan poked his head out from his office just a few doors down. Woobin was in the middle of a name, so you indicated to your husband to wait a moment before listening to the boy continue to sound it out. Sungchan walked over to join the two of you as Woobin had just finished his first attempt at the bird’s name.

“That was a good guess, it does look like the words ‘her’ and ‘on,’” you said. “But the animal is pronounced heron.”

“Hair-in,” he echoed slowly.

“You got it. Can you put it together now?”

“Great blue heron.”

“Good job, buddy,” Sungchan praised him.

“Hi, Daddy.”

“Hi, buddy.”

“Did you get a hold of Dr. Hwang?” You asked.

“Yes, she’s in her office right now and has some spare time.”

“Yay!” Your son cheered, starting to wriggle out of your grip.

The three of you trekked to the third floor to get to Dr. Hwang’s office. Dr. Hwang was an older woman who welcomed you in warmly.

“Daddy says butterflies are bugs,” Woobin said very seriously. “Is that true?”

Dr. Hwang looked at Sungchan very judgmentally, before turning her attention down to your son. “Butterflies are insects, yes.”

“But how? They’re butterflies!”

“They’re just one kind of insect,” she explained patiently. “What’s your favorite fruit?”

“Mm… Grapes!”

“Are grapes fruit?”

“Well, yeah.”

“And fruit is food, right?”

“Uh-huh.”

“Grapes are a type of fruit, and fruits are a type of food. Does that make sense so far?”

“Yeah.”

“It’s the same thing with butterflies. Butterflies are a type of insect, and insects are a type of animal.”

He seemed to think very hard about this for a moment, then nodded satisfactorily. “How many kinds of butterflies are there?”

“There are about 180,000 different species of butterflies and moths. That we know about.”

His eyes practically bulged out of his head. “Woah…”

“Would you like to see some?”

“Can I?” He then looked back at you and Sungchan. “Please? Can I?”

“Of course, buddy,” Sungchan smiled, then looked up at his colleague. “If it’s alright with you, Dr. Hwang, my wife and I are going to step out for a moment.”

She waved you off. “Of course, go ahead.”

“Thank you,” you nodded to her gratefully. Patting your son’s head, you informed him, “Daddy and I will be right back, buddy.”

As Dr. Hwang directed Woobin’s attention to a book, you and Sungchan stepped out into the hall, shutting the door behind you quietly.

“What happened?” You asked him fervently.

Sungchan pulled you a little further down the hall, keeping his voice low when he finally spoke. “He was doing fine until we got into his classroom. Got his arms around my neck, wouldn’t let go… Kid’s strong for a five-year-old.”

“Two of your students ended up in my office after you cancelled class.”

“Yeah, I stayed for the first thirty minutes, to try to ease him into it, but then when I tried to leave again, the same thing happened except worse… Kept asking for you.” He ran a hand through his hair. “It was too much of a distraction, we had to leave. He didn’t stop crying until I told him we were going to see you.”

You nodded in understanding, not upset with Sungchan in the slightest. If you’d been in his position, you probably would’ve done the same thing, if not, gave in even sooner.

“Do you think…” You bit the inside of your cheek. “Do you think we should take him to see someone? See if it’s a phase or… something more serious? I mean, even if it is a phase, he’s clearly getting really upset about something…”

“Yeah, I think that’d be a good idea,” Sungchan agreed.

Dr. Kwon Hayoung was a younger woman, definitely no older than yourself and Sungchan if you had to guess, her posture relaxed as she sat in her mustard yellow armchair. Her entire office was colorful, filled with various toys, whimsical artworks, and plush, patterned pillows on the couch that you were currently sitting on with your husband. After lots of research, various recommendations from friends and colleagues at work, and an entire two weeks of Woobin being attached at the hip to one of the two of you, you had finally settled on taking him to Dr. Kwon. After an initial interview with all three of you, then just you and Sungchan (a task that was aided by the fact that Sungchan’s father had come along and occupied him in the meantime), she then evaluated your son, which required several breaks for him to see you. But finally, she had finished with him, and he went back to play with his grandpa while Dr. Kwon brought you and Sungchan back once again.

“There is nothing serious for us to be concerned about,” Dr. Kwon declared, her tone calm.

You and Sungchan exchanged an uncertain look. You cleared your throat, “Uhm…”

“I don’t mean to downplay the problems that your family is facing right now,” the child psychologist promised, readjusting her lavender purple frames on the bridge of her nose. “However, Woobin is developing typically for kids his age, which is good news.”

“Then why is he…?” Sungchan trailed off, his question obvious. Why is he doing all of this? So suddenly?

“You have been very open about him being adopted.”

“Yeah, we never wanted to hide it from him,” you said. “He even gets two parties every year, his birthday party, and we celebrate the day his adoption went through.”

“But he knows that he’s our son and we love him,” Sungchan added, shifting forward as his voice carried a slight edge to it.

“Of course, of course he knows that.” Dr. Kwon’s tone hadn’t lost any of the gentle kindness she began the conversation with. “Both you and he told me about another kid, in his class, who was not so understanding.”

“Yeah, it made buddy a little upset, but he seemed fine by the next day.”

“I do think he was fine. Until he had a recent dream, about falling asleep in his bed and waking up in someone else’s home,” she informed you, and you felt a harsh twinge in your chest as you realized that your son hadn’t even told you about that. “He’s not afraid that you two will give him away so much as he’s afraid that somebody will come take him from you.”

“Oh…” You breathed out, feeling yourself grimace as you thought about how scared your son must have felt since then.

Sungchan reached over to hold one of your hands. “What can we do? What are our options?”

“We can work on his anxiety, coping skills, attachment in sessions. Since it’s affected your daily lives as a family so much, I recommend starting at three times a week, and we can adjust from there. I would like both of you to attend as many as possible.”

“Of course,” you nodded quickly, squeezing Sungchan’s hand tight.

That night, after helping Woobin brush his teeth with his toothbrush and toothpaste that had migrated into your bathroom, you took your nighttime medication, then tucked it back away into the childproofed medicine cabinet. Sungchan was doing some late-night grading in your home office, but you had a five-year-old to put to bed on time, so you had started on that without him.

Woobin clambered up into his place in the middle of the mattress first, and you lifted up the comforter and blankets to slip in next to him. With the thoughts of his nightmare still weighing heavily on your heart, you called out to him quietly, “Binnie? Can Mommy cuddle with you?”

“Of course, Mommy!” He chirped, immediately taking it upon himself to scramble over to you under the covers and wrap himself around your middle like a koala.

You laughed, enveloping him in your arms to hold him to you even tighter. Pressing a long kiss to the top of his head, you then tucked him under your chin. Yeah, this was exactly what you needed. You had his next appointments set up with Dr. Kwon, and she hadn’t told you to change anything you were doing yet. So tomorrow you’d continue your new routine of bringing your son to campus with you and passing him between you and Sungchan—usually whoever was in office hours had him, or if you were both in a class, whoever had the smaller class. You had tried dropping him off at your parents’ house once, but as soon as he realized that you were leaving without him, he wouldn’t let go of your leg, his eyes started watering, and you immediately folded. Preschool was a no-go, as he had a soft, indefinite ban for the foreseeable future until he was no longer going to be a disruption. They were continuing to hold his spot at no charge to you, at least. It had been stressful, and there hadn’t been very long stretches of time in the past two weeks where you had been apart from him, but there wasn’t once where you ever felt resentful towards your son himself, you realized. He’s what you did this all for.

“I love you, Binnie,” you murmured, kissing his hair again. “Love you so much.”

“I love you so much too, Mommy,” Woobin mumbled back sleepily, his words punctuated by a yawn.

You smiled fondly, listening as the sounds of his breathing evened out as he drifted off to sleep. Not much later, and your bedroom door slowly creaked open. Sungchan quietly went about his own nighttime routine before finally shutting the bathroom light off and closing the door behind him. You were a little confused when he walked over to your side of the bed, though, thinking your son’s sippy cup that was sitting there might’ve needed a last-minute refill. Then you felt him raise the sheets and start squeezing himself in behind you.

“You’re going to fall off, Channie,” you whispered, trying to bite back the giggles bubbling up in your chest.

“Then make some room, baby,” he responded, his quiet words even more hushed by the fact that he was pressing his face into your shoulder as he readjusted.

You gently scooted further in on the bed, trying to jostle the child attached to you as little as possible, not wanting to wake him so soon after he’d fallen asleep—if he woke up now, he’d definitely be awake for another three hours at least. Sungchan scooched with you, molding himself around you after you’d gotten settled in again, and burying his face in the back of your neck. He slung an arm over your waist, his hand finding one of yours where it was resting on Woobin’s back, slotting his fingers with yours.

After some time, when you were sure your son was deep asleep, Sungchan spoke again, “I had a student ask me what death of the author is.”

You craned your neck to try to look at his face out of the corner of your eye. “In your bio class?”

“Yeah, I thought it was weird too.”

“Are they… in one of my classes? And thought that you would know because we’re married? And knew that we’re married?” Obviously there were pictures of you, Sungchan, and your son in his office, but since classrooms and labs were shared spaces at the university, professors didn’t decorate or keep personal belongings in there. The average Intro to Bio student wouldn’t have any reason to know that you and Sungchan were married just from attending lecture.

“That was my first thought, too. Turns out he had you last semester.”

You scrunched your nose in confusion. “Then why…?”

“Apparently, in your class, he met this cute Lang major, but she didn’t seem too impressed with him. Thinks he’s a dumb jock.” Sungchan’s chest vibrated with his chuckle.

“Because he doesn’t know what death of the author is? Is he failing your bio class, perchance?”

“No.”

“Did she actually tell him she thought he was a dumb jock, or is he just assuming?” You asked pointedly.

“He seemed pretty convinced.” Your husband grinned and nudged you with his shoulder. “Sound familiar?”

“What are you—Oh my god, you think that sounds like us?” You rolled your eyes. “I did not think you were a dumb jock! I just… didn’t think about you really at all.”

“Ouch.” His pout was still very visible in the dim light of your bedroom.

“Not my fault you opted to pine for three years like a loser instead of talking to me.”

“Words hurt, you know.”

You shook your head. “So were you able to tell him what death of the author is?”

“No. But he’s apparently trying to read along from your Brit Lit I syllabus.”

“So that’s why you knew Bisclavret the other day. He won’t get very far on his own, even translated, Old English can be pretty awkward to get through,” you warned.

“Yeah… So do you have any study guides?” He batted his eyelashes at you, and you once again rolled your eyes.

“Seriously? You should tell him to talk to her like a person. He won’t get anywhere if he’s constantly thinking of both of them one-dimensionally. Him as the dumb jock, and her as the smart Lang major,” you scoffed. “Sound familiar?”

“That’s a no on the study guide?”

“The Internet exists. And you didn’t get me by making me swoon over your knowledge of Breton lais.”

“True.” He clicked his tongue in the back of his mouth. “I’ll ask him if she has any chronic illnesses to tend to.”

“You didn’t stay with me during the Halloween party as some elaborate scheme to get me to date you. At that point, you still thought you were friendzoned. If my memory serves me.” You pointed out.

He yawned and nuzzled his cheek against your shoulder. “Perhaps…”

“You stayed with me because you’re a good, sweet guy, always have been,” you continued, taking your hand that he had been holding back to reach behind you and poke his leg. “That’s how you got me.”

“Aw, you still know how to my heart flutter, baby. Even after fifteen years.”

You smiled to yourself as he kissed your shoulder. “Yeah, you’re easy.”

“And still know how to wound me with so few words.”

“I love you, too, Channie,” you chuckled softly, taking his hand again under the covers.

“Only this easy for my girl.” He murmured, dropping another kiss to your shoulder. “Love of my life.” Another kiss, this one on your cheek. “Can’t wait to spend the rest of our lives together.”

“We’re already married,” you said humorously, wiggling your entwined left hands pointedly.

“So? I can only talk about spending the rest of our lives together before we sign the marriage papers? Can’t do it while we’re actually living that life together and raising our son?”

“Well when you put it like that…” You turned your head to catch his lips with yours in a soft, sweet kiss.

Sungchan hummed into the kiss, pecking the corner of your mouth when you pulled away.

“I love you, my Sungchannie,” you professed as you’d done thousands of times before, each time thinking that you could never be more in love with this man than you were in that moment, and yet each time it felt like your love had only grown exponentially since the last time you said it.

“I love you too. My girl,” he replied, resting his forehead against yours. You didn’t need him to speak to know what he was thinking. The two of you were going to get through this. Even though right now, you don’t know exactly how, you would.

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dannythedog · 2 years ago

Text

Collage by @stardust-chords-enthusiast

Pairing: Sam Kiszka x fem!reader

Word Count: 11.1k

Summary: You've grown up with Sam Kiszka as a best friend. As the two of you get older, you realize your feelings may be morphing into something more. What will happen when Sam finally invites you to the annual Kiszka lake trip where a string of crimes have taken place?

Warnings: mentions of marijuana, alcohol consumption, swearing, body image issues, talk of death

A/N: I just want to thank @gretavanfran for encouraging me to run with this idea and offering to help me write. We've never written something like this before so we're a little nervous to post this lol but feedback is appreciated and let us know if you want a part two!! We have so many more ideas for where this can go and would love to share with you guys

“Let’s go!” Sam calls from the front door of your house. The patience in his voice is wearing thin and it makes you zip your bag faster, accidentally pinching the skin of your forefinger. It’s time for the annual lake trip the Kiszka family takes at the beginning of summer. Sam usually opted to take his other best friend Danny, leaving no room for you, but this year there was an extra space. You’ve known Sam since seventh grade, the both of you meeting on the junior debate team. He was the only student who actually challenged you and he liked your passion, so you two quickly became inseparable.

Heaving your duffle up, you rush to the door. “Sorry,” you breathe. “Just had to make sure I didn’t forget anything.”.

“Yeah, yeah, just give me the bag so we can get going.” Reaching for the bag on your shoulder, Sam lets out a breathy chuckle.

“Wait, Sam, I ha-,” you were quickly interrupted by the long haired man.

“I already checked the back door, walked through the house and unplugged everything. Bug, everything’s going to be okay. Learn how to relax a little, alright?”

“I’m always relaxed,” you mumble in a grumpy tone.

“Oh really? When’s the last time you genuinely had fun without having to worry about anything?” He got you there, you were always anxious - anxiety was practically your name and overthinking was your game. You couldn’t help but think about if everything was going to plan, constantly worrying about safety. Except for when you're with a certain golden retriever boy. Sammy. He was fearless and lived life without a care in the world, that’s why you believed that you two quickly became friends. Opposites attract after all - he made the overthinking disappear in you and you made him pay more attention to the things that surrounded him.

After tossing the bag into the back seat of his beat up Jeep Cherokee where his own luggage rests, he clambers into the driver’s spot. “My mom’s gonna be so mad if we’re super late. She only agreed to let me drive as long as I was semi on time.”

“Well, maybe you should’ve let me drive,” you tease. The entire Kiszka family had a bad habit of being late, something that irked you to your core. Turning your head to look at the man in the driver seat, you watch in amusement as he lets out a scoff, throwing the car in reverse. He places an arm on your seat and checks for traffic both ways before entering the road.

“What, so we could be there four hours early? Leave at six am? No thanks, I’d rather sleep.”

“You know, backing into a main street is illegal right?” Now turning to face you, Sam dramatically rolls his eyes and flashes you that beaming smile of his.

“Bug, I want you to relax on this vacation. Mommy and Daddy won't be there to make sure you dot your I’s and cross your T’s.”

As much as you hated to admit it- Sam was right. It’s been forever since you’ve actually relaxed. On top of your chronic over thinking - your parents watched you like a hawk. They always told you the strictness was because they wanted you to get into a top of the line college. Ever since you got the acceptance letter from the University of Michigan, you were expecting them to ease up. Wrong - if anything they tightened the reins more. Even though you were eighteen and freshly graduated high school, you had to practically get on your hands and knees begging them to allow you to accompany Sam all while reassuring them a million times that Sam’s parents were going to be there.

“I am relaxed. Let’s get going. You know we'll never hear the end of us being late from Jake,” you breathe out, crossing your arms across your chest. As if his smile couldn’t get any bigger, it was practically ear to ear as he watched you slowly come to the realization he was right.

“Aye aye, Captain. No more funny business. Wouldn’t want to keep Jacob waiting,” he replies to you in a teasing tone, while throwing the car into drive.

A warm breeze pours through the windows as the journey starts. It rustles the haphazardly placed locks on Sam’s head, a messy bun being his go to for the summer, and it somehow manages to make him look softer. Your eyes trail down to his plump lips, only landing there briefly before moving onto his outfit. He dons a denim button up that only has the bottom few buttons done, a pretty tiger’s eye pendant resting on the exposed skin of his chest, a pair of the tiniest khaki shorts you’ve ever seen, and of course his trusty Birkenstocks. While his outfit was casual, it still made you feel a little frumpy. You just wore a pair of black biker shorts and a tie-dye shirt, two sizes too big, with some black Tevas.

“So why couldn’t Danny go this year? Not that I’m complaining, I’m really happy to be invited.”

His brown eyes glance over to you for a moment, lips forming into a small frown. “His family planned their own vacation. It’s kind of ass that I’ve never invited you before, huh? I’m sorry that I’m an idiot.”

You wave him off, trying to play it like you never felt an ache in your chest when you watched the family drive off every year. “I get it, it’s a boys thing. No biggie.”

He still looks guilty despite your casual reassurance, but doesn’t press any further. Sam really did feel bad that he never invited you before. He wasn’t sure if you would like hanging out with him and his family for a week straight, emphasis on his brothers. His older twin siblings could be a lot sometimes. Josh was a little over-friendly and Jake could be too cold. Inviting anyone on vacation was asking for trouble - especially a girl and most definitely if that girl was you. The twins have known you for just as long as their little brother had. But Sam knew that they wouldn’t let up on the teasing - it would be relentless.

Unbeknownst to you, they would wait until you left the room or have your back turned and would always make kissy faces at the younger boy - mocking him about how in love he was with you and how you were his ‘little secret girlfriend’. Sam could take the teasing one day at a time, but he felt like a whole week’s worth of teasing would be too much for him to handle. So, he always opted to bring Danny. Plus, he wanted you all to himself, but no one had to know that.

“Hey, you know what I brought?” He grins a little too widely. “Check my backpack. The small pocket in the front.”

You reach into the back, very obvious suspicion settling across your face. Pulling his beat up tie-dye bag into the front with care was not an easy feat. It was stuffed full and piled under a bunch of other luggage. With just a bit of grumbling, you dig into that small pocket and pull out a baggie filled with joints.

“Sam!” you hiss. “Did you forget your parents are going to be with us?”

He reaches over and gives your arm a gentle shove. “See? This is what I was talking about earlier. You never have fun without worrying about everything.”

“I’m sorry,” you sigh and put the baggie back. “You’re totally right. I don’t know why I got weird about it.”

Your face flushes and you feel embarrassed. He was right. Why couldn’t you let loose and just enjoy this time being close with Sam? Don’t ruin this for yourself.

“Hey,” he says softly, that same frown from earlier returning.

“No, it’s okay. You are right. It’s not often I’ll admit that, so take it while you can,” you grin.

The few hour drive is peaceful, filled with laughter and good music. Sam never fails to keep you entertained. That was another checkmark on the long list of things you adore about him. You weren’t sure how Sam didn’t realize you were falling for him. You didn’t try to make it obvious, but you figured he would at least see the little things - the way you’d always make sure to have his favorite snacks around, wake up at absurd hours to make Walmart trips, how you’d do just about anything he asked. Honestly, you’d probably follow this man to the depths of hell if he asked you to.

“Where are we?” you garble, not noticing that you drifted off at some point, finally waking when Sam turns onto a rather bumpy back road.

“About five minutes from the house. Our place is in a pretty secluded spot, not many neighbors.”

The road is covered with rocks and potholes, making it impossible for your bodies to stay still, rocking side to side with each bump and sway of the vehicle. Lush trees fill the spaces on either side of the road and overtake your senses. It’s hard to see through the thick greenness of the vegetation, but it’s beautiful and makes everything feel so serene. Like you weren’t still in your home state of Michigan. The trees began to thin the closer you got to the house, opening to a small clearing with a great view of the sparkling lake. You could see an expanse of sandy beaches spread out at the back of the property with a hole dug out near the house as a makeshift fire pit. There’s a small dock a bit further down with an old rowboat attached to it, gently bobbing in the mild waves.

Sam parks his Cherokee next to the family’s Suburban and shoots you an excited smile. “Ready for the chaos?”

“As I’ll ever be,” you scrunch your nose at him.

The both of you pull yourselves from the car to collect your bags. The thick summer air soothes the goosebumps that formed from the air conditioning that Sam insisted on blasting. He claimed the AC barely worked at the lake house.

“OI!” a voice rings from above you, disrupting the gentle call of some sparrows. Your eyes flick up to see the long haired twin leaning dangerously over the railing of a balcony.

“It’s about time you made it!” Jake spins around and heads back inside before either of you can answer. Your eyes trail from the balcony to take in the rest of the house. It’s a moderately sized cabin-esque looking building with sloping green roofs that match the color of the doors and window frames. The rustic vibe is a little cheesy and slightly outdated, but it’s welcoming.

“Hi, Bug,” Jake grins when he emerges from the front door. “It’s been a while since I’ve seen you.”

You think you can hear Sam grumbling about how that’s his nickname for you, but you ignore it.

“C’mon inside. We saved a room for you two.” Jake takes the bag off your arm and offers a side hug, giving you a gentle squeeze.

You flush at the thought of sharing a room and possibly a bed with Sam - you hadn’t considered that when you agreed to come along. His parents were pretty lenient but you figured you’d be sleeping on one of the couches.

The house offers reprieve from the unforgiving sun. Despite being quite cold only minutes ago, you can feel a bead of sweat trickle down the back of your neck. The inside isn’t as cheesy as you thought it would be. There were picture frames hung up along the walls, displaying memories from previous trips. One of young Sam catches your eye and brings a small smile to your face. He’s submerged in the lake with a bright orange life jacket on that looks like it could strangle him at any moment, smiling widely with little gaps in his teeth.

“We’re here!” Sam calls out and ventures towards the bedrooms.

Just like clockwork, the shorter twin pops his head into the hallway. “This one is your room.”

The three of you meander to the room Josh was currently in, only half wondering why he was in your room anyways.

“Shut up!” Sam gasps and almost drops his bag, trying to think of something else to say but his mouth just hangs open. Out of the corner of your eyes you could see the twins beaming - not wanting to be left out, you poke your head into the room and see a lanky, curly haired man lounging across the queen sized mattress.

“Hey, guys,” Danny says with a shit eating grin. “Heard you might have extra room.”

Finally over the shock of seeing his best friend, Sam turns to his brothers with confusion written all over his face.

“Mom and Dad didn’t come this year. They figured since we’re ‘all grown up’ that we’d want a week here alone. We coordinated the Danny part just because it was fun,” Jake speaks nonchalantly.

Sam simply can’t contain his excitement any longer and bounces on his best friend, rambling on about how much fun they’re going to have.

“That was sweet of you guys,” you murmur to Jake, watching as his face twinges pink. He simply shrugs and sets your bags near the dresser. Once the enthusiasm calms a bit, the other three clear out of the room to let you and Sam unpack. Your eyes travel over to the queen sized bed over and over, worry settling deep into your chest.

You clear your throat. “I can take the couch if you want. Or I could see if maybe Danny wanted to switch rooms.”

Sam doesn’t even look up from putting his shirts into a drawer as he chuckles a bit. “Why would you do that?”

Your face scrunches in embarrassment. You’re not sure why you’re embarrassed about this discussion. It’s just Sam. Just your best friend who you are hopelessly falling for and now have to share a bed with. Not a big deal at all.

“Just wanted to give you options, that’s all,” you say a little too defensively, praying that he couldn’t see the pink blush starting to cover your face.

“I think you’re trying to get away from me. I can’t stop you from taking the couch, but I promise I really don’t mind if you sleep with me. In fact, I think I’d like it if you joined me.” Sam flashes you a smile as he finishes unpacking. With that he walks out of the room, leaving you to internally panic about what his words could possibly imply. Was he just flirting with you? Or perhaps it was just your feelings muddying his statement.

Fingers tug on the hem of your shirt, startling you out of your panicked daze. It’s Jake inquiring if you’ll come out to swim with everyone since it’s ‘hot as balls outside.’ Not giving you an option to say no - or to even give him an answer, he makes his way over to the door and slams it shut. Rolling your eyes at the loud noise, you head over to your bags, silently thankful you brought your good bikini. Lifting up your shirt in hopes of changing into the swimwear sooner than later, you found yourself being interrupted by someone clearing their throat. Startled by the intruder, you whip around at a lightning speed to find Sam and Danny casually standing in the doorway.

“Don’t you guys know how to knock?” you huff out at the boys.

“Sorry, we didn’t expect you to be changing already. Sammy boy just needs to grab his trunks,” Danny speaks softly, shooting you an apologetic smile as he makes his way into the room sitting down on the bed. Sam, on the other hand, seemed to be frozen in his spot. Geez, what is up with him today.

“You going to come in or are you going to keep standing there like a creep?” Danny chuckles out at Sam. It worked. You watch Sam as he keeps his eyes on the floor, heading over to the dresser, reaching in one of the drawers and pulling out his favorite pair of red bottoms.

“I…Sorry. C’mon Danny. Let’s go downstairs.” Sam ignores your eye contact and walks over to the long haired curly man sitting on the bed, pulling him by his shirt sleeve over to the door and making sure to close it.

Deciding not to think about the way Sam was acting, you quickly change into the baby blue and white floral print bikini. Standing in front of the mirror, you take a second to study your reflection. This swimsuit was new and if you were being honest with yourself, you were absolutely terrified to bring it at first. After all, this was supposed to be a ‘family trip’ and you didn’t want to have Sam’s parents look at you in an ill mannered light. Why would they? Oh, I don’t know. Maybe it’s the fact your boobs were practically spilling out of the cups and the bottoms are leaving little to the imagination.

You couldn’t help but to have some insecurities cross your mind when you thought about if Sam would like this specific suit on you. Sure, you’ve been around him countless times in the water, but you always wore a one piece. After graduating high school, you felt yourself trying to be a little more bold in your outfit choices. Not to mention that Sam always likes his girls to be on the skinnier side and you just so happened to be a little bit more curvy. Fuck it, what do you have to lose. You trot down the stairs, slowly building up more and more courage to walk out to the lake where you could see the four boys splashing around through the window.

“Ooh mama! Looking good!” Josh yells as you approach the lake, making the other three boys turn around to take a glance at your form.

Their watchful eyes make you feel bashful, especially after Sam’s weird reaction in the bedroom. You try to fight the urge to cover your body up but it’s slowly winning. Every dip, bump, and stretch mark suddenly feels like a neon sign that reads, ‘Look at me! I’m insecure!’. Feeling defeated, you grab your towel and begin to wrap it around your torso as walk slowly to the beach.

The sun’s rays are vicious. Sweat is already beading at your brow and the tops of your shoulders feel hot. A small breeze ripples through the trees and gently caresses over your heating skin, giving slight relief.

“Put your towel down! Get in!” Danny calls out as he splashes water at an unsuspecting Jake. This earns him a punch to the shoulder and a small grumble.

You hesitate, insecurities still running wildly through your mind. What if they laughed at you? What if Sam was disgusted by your flaws? You knew you wouldn’t be able to handle that.

“Hey, let me see you,” Josh encourages. “I’ve never seen that bathing suit on you before. Is it new? Do a little twirl for me!”

“It’s just a bathing suit,” Sam bites at his older brother. This makes you clutch your towel tighter to your body and cast your eyes to the sand. You knew it. Sam thinks you look hideous.

Watching the boys in front of you - you couldn’t possibly think of actually going into the water and exposing yourself to them. You know that Sam takes after his older brothers when it comes to finding his type in women.

Plopping down into the grass and giggling to yourself, you watch as Josh rolls his eyes and smacks the back of his younger brother’s head.

Trudging through the shallow water in your direction, he lifts his chin as a beckoning gesture. “C’mon, Bug. Get in the water.” Your knuckles were practically white from how hard you were gripping the towel now that Josh was stalking through the sand.

“Josh, I don’t feel like it.”

“I will carry you in there if I have to.”

“You and I both know that’s not a possibility,” you spit out at him, trying not to let your insecurities show. Instead of replying, Josh moves even closer to you and starts looking like he was trying to figure out where to place his hands to hoist you up.

“No. No. No. Stop right there,” you protest.

“Relax. I’m not going to hurt you. Just come into the water.” Josh looks to you with pleading eyes. Fuck those, baby cow eyes get you everytime. Reluctantly nodding your head, you get up - but not without making sure the only thing keeping your sanity was wrapped around you securely.

“You won’t need that in the water,” Josh hums at you as he takes your hand in his, leading you over to the dock.

“I know. I just want to leave it on the dock.” He looks like he doesn’t want to believe you at first, eyeing you suspiciously, but ultimately choosing to drop the issue at hand.

While you’re distracted with Josh, Sam’s eyes are glued to the two of you. What the hell is he doing? Why are his hands on her like that? Sam didn’t care that you were friendly with his brothers. He actually loves that you get along with them, but his fear was steadily coming to fruition. You were his person and his brothers seemed to have no problem robbing you from him just as they did with Daniel.

As he watches you sit on the edge of the dock he hopes and prays you’ll look at him, but only sees your eyes follow Josh’s form into the water. His chest tightens when Josh grabs your legs. “What are you doing?” you panic slightly. The older twin simply gives you his widest smile before pulling you into the depths.

The lake is colder than you expect it to be and it shocks the air from your lungs. It’s a good few seconds before you can let out a screech at Josh. He clutches you tightly to him, not caring that you’re desperately grabbing at the sopping fabric of your security blanket as it drifts away with each of his movements. “See? Not that bad, huh?”

He was right. Being submerged covered you in a way and it felt nice to cool off. “Okay,” you break. “It’s not horrible, but you’re a real dick for pulling me in.”

Sam can’t stand seeing his older brother’s hands on you. They way they hold you so delicately. It feels far too intimate to Sam. There’s this horrible clawing in his stomach that pulls him to the shore and up to a grassy area, listening to your giggles as you splash around. Having fun without him.

Your eyes finally drift over to Sam when you notice him get out. Water droplets cascade over his tan skin like rivulets and his thin frame is stretched out to soak up the sun. He’s completely in his element. You think he looks most beautiful like this. Sam has always loved nature - he begs you to come on mini hikes that turn into impromptu picnics of trail mix and granola bars, long trips to the beach where you spend your day swimming and kayaking, hell, he even loves it if you just come lay in his hammock with him.

“Alright! Me and Danny will be partners, so that leaves you and Josh,” Jake declares. You tear your eyes from your best friend and look to his older brother - that honestly could be his twin - to give him a questioning look. Jake rolls his eyes. “I just said we’re playing chicken.”

The insecurities begin to creep back into your mind and you quickly glance to the sunbather only feet away.

“Stop that,” Josh murmurs. “Climb on my shoulders. I’ll swim under water.” You don’t know how he knows what you’re thinking, but you don’t have too much time to question it before he’s swimming between your legs and hoisting you into the air. The curly one lets out a warm chuckle as he hears the shriek leaving your lips. You think you see Sam start to sit up as he sees his older brother securing his hands around your thighs even more- claiming it had something to do with ‘safety’.

“She’ll need all the safety she can get,” Danny teases. “Jake and I are gonna kick your asses!” “Are you sure about that? What if we have a plan?” You grip onto Josh’s hair, knowing you don’t have a plan. You just hope it’s something easy to go with. “Like a sneak attack! Get them!”

Josh lurches forward and your hands fly up to push at Jake’s taut shoulders. Surprisingly, his spontaneous plan does work and you manage to knock the opposing team over. Unsurprisingly, this lights a fire inside of Jake. The next half hour is constant games of chicken, switching teams, hitting the water a little too hard, but still no Sam. One final stinging slap against the small waves does you in. You put up your white flag and head to the beach, fingers and toes beyond pruny anyways.

“Decided to come join me?” The brunet sunbather mumbles as he senses your presence - eyes still closed.

“How’d you know it was me?”

“I always know when you're around.”

“Uh-huh. Sure,” you mock him.

“Peter Parker has spidey senses and me? I have y/n senses.” Your best friend sits up, grabbing your hand and giving you a little tug. It seems like he was trying to get you to lay down with him, but you weren’t budging, the insecurities creeping back in. Sure, you’ve laid down next to Sam before, but that was then and this is now. Something about the air in between you two feels different. The only problem was that you weren’t sure if it was good or bad.

You try to pull your hand from his soft grip. “I’m gonna go grab another towel.”

“There’s room on mine,” he replies, wiggling his eyebrows.

“No there’s not.”

Sam wasn’t going to waste another moment. He needed to stake his claim in front of his older brothers, you’re his. Suddenly you feel the air leaving your lungs as you’re pulled downwards. Expecting to hit the ground, instead you are met with a soft groan and the feeling of hot skin.

“See? There’s room.” Opening your eyes from the sudden impact, you’re face to face with a tan chest. Slowly lifting your gaze, you see Sam with his eyes shut, smiling sheepishly at you.

“Sam, I’m on top of you.”

“I know, I like you like this.” Peeking an eye open, Sam was met with the visual of your mouth parted in shock, trying to find the right words to say. He could see the gears turning in your head. You felt the boy beneath you taking a deep sigh before parting his lips.

“Bug…don’t act so shocked.”

“Sam, just let me go please,” you try pleading with the man.

“No, I’ve been wanting to talk to you about this….and now seems like the perfect moment.”

Trying to move yourself into a sitting position, you’re met with failure as sunkissed arms wrap around your back tighter, holding your body close to his. You could feel your chest getting tighter as the nerves course through you. He has no idea what kind of effect this is having on you and you really don’t want him to find out.

“Awww look at the love birds.” Of course Jake would have to ruin a moment like this.

“Yeah right,” Danny snorts. You hated to admit it, but that single laugh alone had you ready to cry.

“Shut up guys. You know it’s not like that,” you mumble, pulling yourself out of Sam's embrace. You swear that you see Sam’s eyes glaze over with hurt, but that quickly disappears with him chuckling and smiling.

“I’m hungry,” Jake whines, rubbing his stomach - looking over at his twin slowly making his way over to the group.

“That sounds like a you problem,” Sam grumbles as he sits up. What is up with his attitude today?

“No, it's Bug’s problem.” Jake makes a move towards you to grab your hand and hoist you up, but is stopped by his younger brother swatting his hands away. Josh and Danny let out eerie chuckles trying to ease the awkward tension that was forming.

“How is it my problem?”

“Cause I want one of your grilled cheeses.”

“I told you the re-“

“Zip it.” Jake grabs your arm, pulling you to your feet. “We can’t have Sammy knowing that I’m the only person you trust with the recipe. Think about how jealous he’ll get.”

The two of you start towards the house. “You know he heard that right?” You whisper to Jake as he loops his arm into yours.

“Don’t worry. I know what I’m doing, Bug. Trust me,” Jake winks at you.

You grip his arm tighter and don’t speak until you’re in the safety of the kitchen. You find that Sam was right, the AC doesn’t work very well in this cabin.

“Alright, spit it out,” Jake says, not bothering to look at you while he grabs the ingredients. “I can see it all over your face.”

Other than Sam, you were the closest with Jake. When he was younger he was very quiet and wasn’t in your face like Josh was and you found comfort in that. He made you feel comfortable. That meant you could tell him the things you couldn’t tell Sam. As your feelings for Sam grew, Jake could see past your little unbothered facade. He’s been there through every up and down.

“I don’t know,” you groan and plop into a chair. “He’s just being so weird. One minute he’s normal and happy, then the next he’s moody and avoiding everyone. And don’t think I didn’t notice that you purposefully put Sam and I in the room with one bed. You’re setting me up.”

He laughs and flits about the kitchen preparing the meal for everyone. “I thought you’d appreciate that. You could always share with me.”

Flipping him the bird didn’t feel like it would be enough, so you throw a random pair of socks that you see balled up on the floor at his head. He ducks and lets a belly laugh fill the room. “Come on, y/n. It won’t be that bad. I really was just trying to help you out. How about this,” he sets an old, worn spatula on the counter and approaches you. “I’ll help you this week. We’ll get Sam to notice you the way you want him to.”

You eye his outstretched hand. This could potentially end your friendship with Sam if it goes badly, but you decide you couldn’t pretend much longer. So you grasp Jake’s calloused hand, putting all of your trust into this shake. “Deal.”

———————-

After some much needed food and a couple of beers, the boys decide that it would be a good time for them to go down to the pier and do some fishing. You opt to read the book that’s been sitting in your bag forever, figuring you could sit on the front porch so you have a perfect view of the boys on the dock. ‘Life can’t get better than this,’ you think and let out a big sigh. The buttery beams of the sun wash over you, bringing the feeling of sleepiness that you knew oh so well. Hours must’ve passed, you found yourself waking up to the feeling of someone trying to pry the book out of your hands.

“A Court of Roses and Thorns? I didn’t know you read fantasy,” Sam smiles in small victory when he peels the book away from you, closing it and moving it to the table beside the chair.

“I know, I usually read nonfiction but I’m trying something new. Don’t hate,” you mumble to him as you slowly stand up from the chair, stretching out your back in the process.

“Hate on you? I could never,” Sam whispers. It was almost as if he was terrified of you hearing the little confession that left his parted lips.

“How long have I been out?”

“Well, considering it’s dark now, I’m gonna say about a few hours.” You look the boy over and see that he put his hair back into a low bun. You were always a sucker for that hairstyle. You take advantage of Sam being quiet and study his face some more. He looks good. It was only day one of this vacation and the sun gave him a kissable tan. You weren’t sure how you’d be able to survive the rest of the six.

“So...what do you think about a movie night?” Sam suggests, throwing you a side smirk when he notices that you were checking him out. You silently thank god that it’s dark out, you didn’t want Sam to see how flushed your cheeks are.

“With your brothers?”

“No. Just you and me. Jake said he wants to have a bonfire,” he points towards the direction of the small pit that sits in the middle of some thoughtfully placed chairs.

“I mean, sure. Yeah, we can do that.”

A loud voice nearly has you jumping out of your skin. “Nope. Nada. Not happening. You have to be joking with us. I don’t want to be an uncle yet,” Jake bursts through the door of the cabin, protesting the movie night idea. Casting a glance over to Sam you see him rolling his eyes. You could tell he was starting to get fed up with his brothers interrupting everything.

“Jake, c’mon. It’s gonna be so comfy inside. Can’t I join you guys tomorrow?” You ask the man, with a little bit of confusion lacing your voice. He was supposed to be helping push you and Sam together, not keep you two separated. He gives you a look that lets you know you won’t be winning that battle, so you let the older man drag you over to the pit where the other two boys were standing. Looking over your shoulder, you could see Sam trudging behind you, obviously not wanting to participate tonight. Maybe he was hoping just to have alone time with you.

“Bug, we’ll make you a weiner!”

“Josh, I don’t want a hot dog right now.” Your body betrays you by letting out possibly the loudest stomach growl the group had ever heard.

“Clearly that’s a lie. Plus, we know how much you love sticking them in your mouth,” Danny tries to speak in between laughs. You could tell that he’s proud of himself for that joke.

“Relax, Sammy boy, no one’s gonna try to steal your girlfriend,” Jake teases as he slaps his back, trying to change his little brother’s mood. Based on what you could see through the flames of the fire, Sam’s face was red - beaming with frustration.

Sam seems to ignore his brother’s ‘girlfriend’ comment as he sits down in the seat directly across from yours, separated by the fire. Jake plops himself into the chair next to you, mysteriously pulling out an acoustic guitar.

“Where’d you get that?” you nod towards the guitar.

“Darling, I’m full of tricks,” Jake shoots you a wink, absentmindedly strumming the guitar. Looking around, you notice there was a black guitar case lined with a maroon velvet laying on the ground - instantly feeling dumb for asking him where got the acoustic from. If anyone knows Jake, then they always know there’s bound to be a guitar somewhere around him. Sure he was in college for business, but everyone knows being in a band was his true dream.

“Jake you gonna play us Wonderwall? Or tell us all about how you’re meant to be a rockstar?” Sam snickers at his brother. What has gotten into him today.

Sam was truly fed up with his brothers. Especially Jake. Every fear he ever had about bringing you to the lake had happened. Why couldn’t they just let him have something good for once? Sam had fully been planning on telling you about his feelings at multiple points in the day. He even made it obvious that he was being serious, but no one cared.

Looking across the flames, you sat in awe of your best friend. A pain forms in your chest as you think back to a certain night sophomore year where you were sat in the same position.

“Wooooo!”

“Sam, stop yelling! You’re gonna get us in trouble.”

“C’mon, Bug! Live a little,” Sam slurred at you, slinging his arm around your shoulder. He was drunk off the bourbon that his older brother just had to provide him with because it was ‘homecoming’. You rolled your eyes every time Jake said that. Maybe it was something that your parents engraved into your brain. God, you could hear the lecture from them already. Bitching at you for letting yourself be surrounded by ‘drunken idiots’.

You weren’t positive about the exact moment you started to like Sam, but one thing was for certain. This year you realized you were in love with him. It happened in between all the study dates, the late night texts and the random phone calls to see what you were up to.

But tonight? Tonight felt different. Granted, you guys were each other's dates to homecoming, but something just felt different. You couldn’t quite place what the emotion was. Maybe it had to do with the way you two slow danced tonight - your arms placed delicately around his neck, while his hands were wrapped around your waist, pulling you close. His toffee colored eyes staring into yours-giving you soft smiles all night, not to mention all the little touches and forehead kisses.

Your mind kept wandering back to those moments as you looked up at the man, watching the soft orange glow flicker across his face. His eyes were closed and he was starting to sway, you knew what this meant - you had approximately five minutes to get him up to bed or someone would have to carry him up there. You look around to see if there was anybody sober enough to help you get the lanky boy up the steps with no avail.

“C’mon, Sammy. Let’s get you to bed.”

“Bug, are you trying to seduce me right now?” Rolling your eyes, you let out a huff as the tall boy leaned more of his weight onto you, trusting that you would be able to get him upside and to bed safely.

“Sam, I know you're plastered, but you’ve gotta help me out here.”

“I always help you out. You’re my girl.”

You knew better than to believe his words, after all he was drunk and just rambling. Hearing the words ‘my girl’ was your downfall. You hated the way it made you blush. You silently thank god that you were able to make it into his room in one piece. After plopping the boy down onto the twin mattress, you were wondering how on earth you were going to get this boy changed. Finding a pair of sweats and grabbing a loose shirt, you turned around to find Sam standing in front of the bed.

“I thought I told you to stay on the bed.”

“Ooo. Bossy. I like it.” You knew he was a lot to deal with when he was drunk, but this was new.

“I’m not being bossy. I just want you to go to bed. I’m tired.”

“I don’t want to go to bed.”

“And why’s that?” You replied back, mocking the way he was whining.

“Cause you’re not gonna be here for me to cuddle.”

“Sam. Stop. You don’t mean that.”

“I do mean it,” Sam responded, stomping his foot like a two year old having a tantrum in the middle of a grocery store.

“No you don’t.”

“Stop telling me what I think,” he demands.

“Sammy, I know you. You don’t mean it. I’m not the girl you go for. Just please go to bed.” Your heart is aching with every word you speak.

“You can’t see it?”

“What are you talking about?”

“I’ve had a thing for you for the past two years.”

“No you haven’t,” you scoff. As much as you wanted to believe him, you just couldn’t.

“Yes I have,” he insists. “Why don’t you believe me?”

“Sam, look at you and then look at me. We don’t go together.” Your arms were crossed and your eyes found purchase on anything but him. His gaze never let up.

“Bug, you’re the most beautiful person I’ve ever seen.”

“Please stop.” You could feel your breath slowly leaving your body as the young boy made his way to stand in front of you, placing a finger under your chin tilting your head up - silently begging for you to make eye contact with him.

“I wish you could see yourself the way I see you,” Sam whispered as he licked his lips. He leaves your eye contact briefly to look at your lips and then looks back into your eyes. Closing your eyes trying to find the right words to say - you were interrupted when you felt a pair of chapped lips meeting your soft ones.

Not believing what was happening, you opened up your eyes, only to be met with the sight of Sam’s eyes still closed focused on the task at hand. Closing your eyes, you could feel yourself melting into the kiss and slowly kissing the boy back. Sam could finally feel you relaxing into him - taking it as a sign to wrap his arms around your waist, pulling you in closer, running his hands through your hair. Not pulling or tugging, he was just holding you there.

Sam shoved you away when he heard the wooden bedroom door being opened and slammed against the beige wall. Looking over at the intruder, you could feel your chest tighten up again when you saw that it was Sam’s other best friend.

“Did I interrupt something?” Danny quizzed the couple in front of him, noticing the swollen lips and rustled dress shirt.

“Nope,” Sam replied nonchalantly.

After going to the bathroom that night, you decided to crash out in the boys basement, not being able to find it in yourself to face Danny after he walked in on the tender moment in between best friends. Waking up the morning afterwards, it took a couple of minutes for the realization of what happened- Sammy kissed you. Not only that, but he told you that you were the most beautiful person he ever saw. How were you supposed to address this situation with him?

Part of you wanted to run for the mountains and never face him again. Realistically you probably could live off the grid - but that would never happen, your parents would forbid it. Deciding that you needed to just talk to him, to figure out where you guys stood, you found yourself climbing up the steps of the quiet house. Placing your hand on the doorknob to turn it, you stopped yourself upon hearing muffled voices on the other side of the door.

“So you kissed y/n last night?”

“Dude. I fucked up.”

“But I thought you liked her?”

“Y/n? No, I think it was just the alcohol talking.” You could feel your heart breaking in two as you registered the words being spoken.

“How are you gonna fix this?”

“I just gotta tell her that it was a mistake. It meant nothing. I regret it.”

If only you could be in the room and see the raven haired boy shaking his head at the lanky haired man laying on his bed hungover.

The sudden feeling of a warm hand squeezing your knee brought you back to reality. Following up the arm of the man touching you - you were met with Jake’s coffee irises giving you the same sad sympathy look he had given you the morning after the kiss. You didn’t mean for any of Sam’s brothers to get involved with your relationship with him, but it just happened. After hearing Sam say the word ‘regret’, you ran outside onto the back porch in hopes of calming yourself down.

Instead you were met with Jake smoking a cigarette and asking if you wanted to talk about it. Did you want to talk about it? It just so happens that your brain was telling you not to, while your heart had the opposite. You needed someone just to listen to you and the mysterious twin just happened to be there. That was the moment you and Jake became close. He held you as you cried - repeatedly telling you that his brother was a ‘fucking idiot’ and ‘if he doesn’t see how amazing you are, fuck him’.

After that much needed pep talk from Jake, you pushed your feelings deep down inside and kept things as normal as you could with Sam. Meanwhile you and Jake were growing closer, but it was nothing in comparison with his little brother - the only issue is, Sam doesn’t know that. You were unaware of the fact that there were countless times the boys had been fighting over you. Well, more like it was Sam screaming at his brother to leave you alone and to stop trying to ‘fuck you’. Jake would just look at him and give him a little smirk that would just push Sam over the edge.

Jake moved his hand from your knee as a twig snaps in the dense woods just feet away from the group. Everyone’s attention is focused on the sound and you could feel your heart rate pick up. “What was that?”

“Probably just a deer,” Sam mutters as he peers into the darkness of the foliage.

“What if it’s that killer?” Danny says all too casually. Your palms begin to sweat and you shoot him a death glare, challenging him to tell a cruel joke again.

“What, you didn’t hear about it? It was on every local radio station around here.”

Sam meets your eyes then looks back to Danny. “No, we didn’t listen to the radio on the way here. I had my road trip playlist going.”

“You know how he is. ‘The radio is too mainstream,’” you roll your eyes, quoting Sam perfectly.

Josh’s grin almost makes it seem like he could be the killer. “Oh, so you really don’t know then, huh? Well, when we got here we heard that there were several dead bodies found in the woods and the lake. They’d all been murdered.”

Your skin begins to crawl. You had just swam in that lake. The woods that once felt so serene now seem dark and foreboding. Like something was lurking, waiting for the right time to slip through the darkness and into the house of some poor, unsuspecting vacationers.

“That’s not funny,” you mumble.

Josh’s head snaps to you, looking near evil. “No, it isn’t. Not funny at all.”

“Cut the shit, Josh,” Jake scoffs. “Josh is just being a dickhead, but they are telling the truth. There were bodies found around here and they never found the killer.”

“What do you mean they never found the killer?” The hairs on the back of your neck standing up as you felt like something or someone was watching you through the trees.

“Guys, knock it off. You’re scaring her,” Sam orders and moves his chair to sit next to you. “Hey, they’re just being douchebags. There’s nothing to worry about.”

“All jokes aside, the story itself is true. They never found the killer.. Rumor has it, one lady was slaughtered. Completely butchered. I guess the killer left a blood trail, the cops followed it into the woods. It stopped after twenty feet….whoever it is….they know how to hide. There really were bodies found around here, about three miles north. But, I doubt anything will happen to us. He probably left town. Well, I’m hoping he did,” Danny attempts to comfort.

“Danny,” Sam reprimands.

While you’re appreciative of Danny’s efforts, your stomach is queasy with fear. You don’t feel happy and carefree anymore. The moon shining down on the lake isn’t comforting like it once was, it’s ominous and holds secrets. The blowing wind seems like small whispers filled with said secrets.

“Can we go inside?” you ask quietly, eyes frantically scanning your surroundings. Feeling a hand cover your own, you recognize it immediately as Sam’s based on the way a crooked pinky finger is grazing against your own.

“Hey, it’s okay. We can go in,” Sam murmurs as he laces your fingers together. It doesn’t take more than a small tug to get you out of your seat and heading towards the house. The rest of the guys decide to join you, hastily cleaning up their mess.

“Now you two can have that movie night,” Jake ribs. “We’ll be joining you, though.”

Josh immediately launches into a list of movie suggestions, but you can’t find it in you to care. Between the scare of the murders and the jumble of feelings for Sammy, you just needed to stare mindlessly at a screen for a while.

The boys settle on the movie Psycho. You’re not sure if they’re intentionally trying to be dicks or not, but your mind is too busy to scold them. After gnawing on the skin of your thumb for a solid fifteen minutes, Sam slings his arm around your tense shoulders. The room is dark save for the glow of the tv screen and lamp that was hardly ever turned off, everyone is quiet. It could’ve been one of those world stopping moments you had with Sam whenever he danced along the boundary of friendship and maybe something more. The atmosphere was all wrong though. With the tension in the air and Jake’s worried eyes glancing at you periodically, there was no way you could indulge in this sweet moment.

Halfway through the movie, Jake stands abruptly. “I don’t remember if I put the fire out.”

“It’s been long enough. It probably went out by itself,” Josh mumbles, almost entirely distracted by the movie.

“Do you really want to be responsible for a forest fire that could kill all of us? I’m going to check.”

He moves through the living room and grabs his pack of cigarettes before breezing through the door. Your gut twists at the thought of Jake going out there alone. What if that killer was still around?

You know you’re probably overreacting, but the sinking feeling in your chest wouldn’t let up, so you start to pull from Sam’s grasp. He only wraps around you tighter, shooting you a half smile.

“I wanna go with Jake,” you whisper, trying not to disturb the other two boys.

Sam’s full brows furrow, grasp still not letting up. “Why? He’s fine out there. We can see him through the window so we’ll know if something happens.” Standing your ground with a pointed look, the boy sighs and rubs your arm. “I would really like it if you would stay with me. I’ve missed you today.”

Oh. Your resolve melts a bit at his statement, some warmth returning to your heart. The puppy dog eyes he’s giving you are absolutely killer. How could you deny him? You sink back into your spot, safely tucked into his side and decide that Jake could wait until the movie was over. After all, you were being a little ridiculous about all of this.

But when the movie is over, Jake is no longer in sight. Anxiety nearly consumes you as you lift from the creaky old couch and press your nose against the dusty pane of the window closest to you. “Guys? Why isn’t Jake back? Why can’t I see him?”

Josh groans as he stretches out, foolishly opting to take a seat on the hardwood floor for the entire length of the film. “You know Jake. He’s probably off on one of his late night excursions.” The eldest joins your side after a moment, brown eyes scanning the darkness. “Look, he’s right there at the dock.”

There is a silhouette standing along the edge of the water at the beginning of the dock. It was far enough away that you couldn’t see any features, but the outline was there. You strain your eyes looking at the form. Was that Jake? You couldn’t tell.

“Are you sure?” you worry. “How do you know?”

Josh claps you on the back, an amused smile gracing his youthful face. “I’m his twin. I think I could pick him out of a crowd of probably like, a thousand.”

“Let’s go to bed, okay? You’ll see Jake in the morning.” Sammy comes up behind you wrapping his arms around your midsection pulling you away from the window and towards the stairs.

“None of you guys are going to check on him?” You ask them, trying not to be annoying but you just can’t shake this unsettling feeling in your gut.

“Bug, he’ll be okay. Besides, we have this cool thing called twin telepathy. I know when something is wrong,” Josh tries to reassure you.

“Y/n. He’ll be coming in at any minute. He’s gotta help me with the kayak’s tomorrow and you know he hates getting up early.” You took a deep breath continuing your journey up the stairs, trying to have faith in Danny’s sentence. Maybe I’m overthinking this. Deep Breaths y/n.

Sam left you in the bedroom alone for a total of five minutes to change before you found yourself calling out for him frantically - you’ve never heard the man move faster. At lightning speed Sam came crashing through the door searching for your figure. Nestled into the wall closest to the window, the boy could see your hands shaking uncontrollably. Stalking his way over to you, wrapping you up in his arms, whispering ‘you’re okay’ into your hair.

“S…Sam. There’s something in the woods over there,” you tremble into his chest, shifting all your body weight onto him, seeking as much comfort as you possibly could.

“Bug, there’s nothing out there.”

“Yes there is! I just saw the bushes move. There’s something out there watching us.”

“Y/n it’s pro-”

“Don’t tell me that it’s just a deer. It’s the killer Sam. I know it is,” you cut Sam off desperately. To be fair, your intuition never lied to you when it came to things like this. “We need to leave now.”

“Look at me.” He didn’t give you a chance to object as he put his fingers under your chin, firmly tilting your head up. “I will not let anything happen to you. Okay? I’m gonna kill the guys. They shouldn’t have said anything.”

“Well, I’m glad they did. Sam I'm not crazy, there’s someone watching us.” Your gaze returns to the forest. You know you saw something. You hadn’t imagined things like this before after hearing your fair share of campfire ghost stories. There was something different about this time. Something sinister. “Let’s go to bed okay? I think today’s just been long and we just need to sleep it off.”

“Okay,” you sigh and feel his hands tugging you towards the bed as you keep looking out the window. Your intuition was screaming at you to get out of there as fast as you could. Crawling into bed, you opted for the spot closest to the door incase you needed a fast escape tonight.

“Nuh-uh. Move over,” Sam grins, towering over your figure that’s already nestled into the sheets and slowly dozing off.

“I’m comf-”

“Don’t even finish that sentence. Move it missy. I need to be by the door.” Sam starts pulling the comforter away from you, acting like he was about to sit on top of you in hopes that he would make you giggle. He knew your mind was racing about the possibility of the killer breaking into the lake house - he needed to try to take your mind off of it, even just a little bit.

“Okay, okay. Bossy.” You find yourself starting to get nervous as the reality kicks in that Sam is laying next to you. Flinching as you feel his forearm rest against yours, you take it upon yourself to roll over onto your side, facing the wall. You couldn’t possibly bear to face him in such a moment that seemed as intimate as this.

If you were facing him, you would’ve seen the way that he was staring at you, having a fight with his inner monologue that told him to roll over and pull you into him, but he was scared - scared that it would ruin the friendship although Sam knew that this was his moment. Now or never. Everytime that he tried to tell you how he felt, one of his brothers had to interrupt the moment. Following his heart this time instead of his head, he pushes himself up against your back, throwing his arm over your midsection. Your eyes fly open at the action, you knew that you were going to be in close proximity - you just never expected this.

“Relax,” Sam murmurs into your ear. Fuck maybe he felt me tensing.

“I am.”

“No you’re not. Just let me hold you for a minute.”

“I’m going to go look for Jake,” you mumble, moving his arm off of you. Trying to find an excuse to get away from him. Thinking about how he must’ve drank in those five minutes you were parted, there was no way Sam was sober and speaking to you like this. Finally succeeding and moving his arm, you sit up, getting ready to crawl out of bed when you hear Sam letting out a groan behind you.

“Why are you so worried about Jake?” The boy explodes. Shocked by the sudden outburst, you turn around to find him sitting up, red in the face. He was pissed.

“Sam, he’s outside by himself.”

“Bullshit.”

“Excuse me?” At this point you were out of the bed making your way over to the dresser, looking for a sweatshirt to throw on before you went outside.

“I said bullshit, y/n. Just tell me that you’re into my brother instead of leading me on.”

“Instead of leading you on?” You whip around to face him, hands trembling from the confrontation.

“Wow. Do you need a hearing aid or something? Do you know how obvious it is that you like Jake? The way you’ve been hanging all over him since sophomore year? You’re supposed to be the person that’s closest to me, yet you still decide to go after my big brother. Newsflash, y/n, he’ll fuck you and leave!”

Sam’s posture is rigid, face and bare chest flushed with passion of the moment. You hate yourself for thinking he looks pretty.

“Sam, what are you talking about?”

“You’re fucking unbelievable,” Sam spits out at you in a venom laced tone.

“Me? Me? I’m the unbelievable one?”

“That’s what I just fucking said.”

You scoff and tug your sweatshirt over your head. You can’t believe what he’s saying to you. He had the audacity to call you deaf, yet didn’t realize just how blind he truly is.

“Tell me,” you seethe. “Tell me when I’ve been all over your brother, Samuel.”

He rattles off different instances, starting with sophomore year and how you suddenly grew close with Jake. He told you his perspective of those secret moments with the older Kiszka, not knowing you were actually lamenting over your own best friend. Sam suddenly grows quiet and his chest heaves. “I just wish I could be that person for you. I want that to be me. I have looked up to Jakey for so long - my entire life - and somehow I keep falling short. Even with you. I just want you to feel the same feelings I feel for you.”

Your lower lip trembles and your nails dig into the flesh of your palm. “Don’t,” you say through grit teeth. “Don’t say that to me. Especially when you regretted it so much last time.”

His honey eyes that are darkened with distress flick from the comforter to look into yours, pink lips shaping into a small ‘o’. He stares at you for a moment before whispering, “You heard that?”

“I had my hearing aids on that night.”

“Y/n…I didn’t mean it.”

“Please stay over there. Don’t come closer to me,” you plead with Sam as he gets out of bed and starts moving towards you. As much as you want the comfort of him holding you - you have to stand your ground and admit to him how much he destroyed you at that moment.

“Please...just listen to me.”

“You’ve got two minutes,” you bite, leaning back against the dresser and crossing your arms.

“I was fifteen. I was scared, y/n. My brothers would tease me about you being my secret girlfriend all the time and I just- I don’t know, Bug. There’s no excuse for it. I don’t regret our kiss at all. If anything, I regret not coming to you the next day and kissing you again…this time sober.”

You hate to admit it - your heart is aching as Sam expresses his feelings. Maybe this is the universe finally bringing us together.

“I came downstairs that morning looking for you. You know where I found you?” You shake your head at the man in front of you, trying to hold back tears as he makes his way slowly over. His large hands cup your face, gently rubbing his thumbs over your cheeks.

“I saw you outside with Jake. He was holding you…something I should’ve been doing, not him. I got closer to the screen door and I realized you were sobbing into his chest. I thought you regretted the kiss. I figured the tears were because you didn’t want me the way I want you, so I just pretended that it never happened. I stood by on the sidelines, hiding how bad I wanted you, y/n.”

“You want me?” You try blinking away the tears and Sam catches the single drop that rolls down your right cheek, gently wiping it away.

“Why wouldn’t I? I’ve been in love with you for the past two years. Thanks for noticing by the way.” Sam presses his forehead against yours, letting out a soft chuckle.

“I’ve been in love with you too,” you whisper, looking into his honey irises.

“God, we’re idiots.”

Both of you softly laugh whilst staring at each other, trying to press this memory into your mind. You silently wish that you could see this look of love on his face everytime you close your eyelids.

“Hey, Sam?”

“Yes, bug?”

“Kiss me.” Your heart is pounding, but not in the uncomfortable way it had been for the last hour. Any worries you had are thrown out the window. Your mind is enveloped with Sam’s presence, his scent. He consumes you.

“Well, if you insist.” You find yourself closing your eyes as Sam leans forward, finally capturing your lips in his. It was short and sweet - nothing less than electric.

Pulling away, you two start giggling uncontrollably.

“Can’t believe we haven’t done that since we were fifteen,” he chortles and pulls you flush to his chest. His visage grows serious as he gazes down at you, strands of hair falling and framing his face. “I’m not gonna run away this time, I promise. This time I’ll show all of them that I love you and that you are mine.”

The electric feeling flows from your lips down to your toes at his confession. This situation didn’t feel real. “I believe you,” you whisper. “Now let’s go to bed.”

The two of you lay side by side, but quickly end up being wrapped in each other. You’re almost certain that you’re flying, floating through some dreamland that only your brain would cruelly make up. You’re terrified that you’ll come crashing to the ground and none of this will be real. But in the morning, he’s still there. His soft locks are splayed around him after having fallen out of his bun in the night. Supple lips are parted as gentle breaths escape him. He’s an angel. You decide you wouldn’t leave his side until he woke. This is the perfect time to admire him uninterrupted.

“You know it’s rude to stare right?” You flush with embarrassment knowing that you just got caught in the act.

“Sorry.”

Sam grins, looking down at you laying on top of him with your face as red as a tomato. He loves watching you get flustered.“Why are you apologizing? I didn’t say I hate it.”

“How’d you sleep?” you mumble as you tuck your head back into his chest, wrapping your arms around him and squeezing tight. You couldn’t believe that this is real. Sam is yours.

“Really?”

“What?”

“We’re doing small talk now?” Sam giggles.

“I’m nervous. I don’t know what to say.”

“Stop. It’s just me, Bug. I told you last night I'm not going anywhere.”

You open your mouth to reply, but you’re cut off by the sound of pans hitting the floor and a loud ‘fuck!’ from the kitchen. Both of you laugh out loud at Josh’s exclamation.

“We should probably go down there.” You pull yourself from his arms and slowly make your way over to the door, pausing to look back at the god-like man in bed. “You coming?”

Sam moans out a small protest. “Why? We can stay here. We don’t need to interact with them.”

“He’s gonna burn the house down without supervision. You can stay here, but I’ll be damned if we all die in a house fire,” you joke and head out of the bedroom. It’s only a few seconds before you hear the padding of feet behind you and a set of bony fingers rest on your hips. He presses a kiss to your hair and descends the creaky stairs.

“Morning,” Josh grins as he spreads out ingredients for a large breakfast. “Day two at Camp Kiszka! How are you feeling?”

You steal a glance at Sam, forcing back a secretive smile. “I’d say we’re feeling pretty good.”

Before Josh can even ask why, the screen door is slamming open. Danny rushes in, looking pale and frantic. That same dreadful feeling from last night returns and his expression sends shivers down your spine.

Sam steps forward. “Dan, what’s wrong?”

Danny stands there shaking and wide eyed then nearly chokes over his words. “J…Ja..”

“C’mon, Danny, spit it out!” Josh moves beside the six foot man, slapping him on the back.

“Jake’s dead.”

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