#he doomed himself because he wanted someone tk see him to love him

[burnt-up-stegosaurus]

I'm so sad about Sejanus Plinth.

Little Sejanus, who gets ripped from his District because his father fought for the Capitol in a war he barely remembers, because his ma wanted to give him a chance in life, to keep him away from the danger that awaited the district kids.

And yet Sejanus Plinth remembers, he has District 2 in his blood, etched in his soul. The first Hunger Games happen when he's seven, and he's horrified, and everyone around him is adamant that they're necessary, that the districts deserve it, that its a reminder of everything theyve lost to them.

He avoids the Reaping, but year by year he has the impending thought, the one that's all consuming: "it could've been me".

His old neighbours die in the Hunger Games, and he doesn't know all of them but he does remember some faces. He wishes he didn't.

He has to grow up in the Capitol feeling like he's going crazy or that he's the only sane one, and he misses a home he can't come back to. No one likes him in the Academy, because he's District and because he's got a good heart, which in the Capitol often means you're not in your right mind.

So he's alone.

He only has Ma Plinth, because his father stopped feeling like his father the first time he sat him down in front of the TV and turned on the Hunger Games' bloodbath, when he grabbed his little chin and forced him to look as children killed each other "This is the world we live in now, Sejanus" he had said "We have to live with it".

From that day onward, Strabo Plinth was no more than a stranger in his home, so now he only has his Ma.

His Ma and Coriolanus Snow.

He would be so lonely, all of his classmates snarling at him and talking behind his back. He would try to be nice, too, like his Ma told him to. He would try for them to like him, to be a part of the group, to have friends. But his classmates were too prideful, too cruel.

Until Coriolanus came along. Until he offered a helping hand, and Sejanus grabbed it like a man in the dessert would grab a water bottle, desperate, aching for friendship, camaraderie. Maybe it was because he was so lonely that he didn't see the red flags. Maybe Snow was too good at concealing them. Maybe Sejanus Plinth needed to believe that there was someone good in the Capitol, that he wasn't the odd one out.

And he died because of it. He died because he was lonely and craved a friend, and because he trusted him so much, because he was so sure that he was good that he was unable to see any other possibility.

Sejanus Plinth called for Coriolanus before he was walked to his death. When he was about to be hanged, he called for his Ma. Because to him, in the world, he only had two people, and one was his mother.

The other was his murderer.

[thisbuildinghasfeelings]

I watched 1x02 last night and the season 4 revelations about Carlos made the dinner scene hit so much harder!

Carlos felt so broken and lost and lonely prior to season 1. He felt like there was something wrong with him. He wanted to find a way to fix himself, but even the drastic step of marrying his best friend didn't do it. He had probably resigned himself to living a lonely life, distant from his family because he couldn't trust that they would truly accept him, never having someone to love and be loved by in the way that he so deeply longed for. Then, suddenly, he meets TK Strand, and things change for him so dramatically. He realizes that he's not broken, possibilities that he never dared to dream of begin to open up for him, he might not be doomed to a lonely life after all...and he comes to the realization that this man is his soulmate.

So what does he do? Makes him a fancy dinner, of course! Yes, it's after midnight, but he had to wait until after both their shifts! He goes shopping for the perfect ingredients, settling on red snapper because the guy at the market told him it was fresh. He texts TK and asks him to come over. He prepares everything so that the food will be almost ready when TK arrives. He sets the table, gets out some champagne, puts on a nice shirt, and waits for his soulmate to get there.

When TK arrives, Carlos gets a pretty good greeting from him. His nice shirt gets ripped open in the process, but that does not deter him one bit. He tries to take TK by the hand to lead him over to the table, but TK drops his hand and is bristling a little. Still not deterred, Carlos pulls out the chair for TK to sit down like a perfect gentleman. Carlos hasn't quite caught on yet to the fact that this is not going well. He's so pleased with himself for pulling this off and so happy to have TK in his home, at his table. He already feels so much for TK and he's trying to show that to him by feeding him and taking care of him. He doesn't just want to hook up, he wants this. He doesn't do this a lot...or ever. Because no one else has ever made him feel like TK does: like he's not broken, like he doesn't need to be fixed, like he's just met his soulmate. But then Carlos catches up with what's happening between them. Things aren't going well at all. He miscalculated. He got too eager and overstepped. And then TK is storming out, leaving Carlos alone with his fancy table, his ripped-open shirt, his red snapper in the oven.

After TK storms out, Carlos must have thought that was it. That he had already blown it. He was probably a little upset with TK for reacting the way he did (especially since he had no idea what TK was dealing with at the time), but knowing Carlos, he was almost certainly most upset with himself. In the time between TK walking out and seeing him again at the police station, Carlos must have been going over everything in his head, angry with himself for coming on too strong, wondering where he went wrong, plunged back into the desperate loneliness he felt before--only now it would be so much worse because he had gotten a tiny taste of at least the possibility of happiness. My heart aches for end-of-1x02 Carlos 😭

[morganaspendragonss]

I really love soulmate first word AUs and wonder if you could do a Tarlos one of them meeting? Hope you enjoy your break!

hey lovely! thanks for the prompt, i hope you enjoy it!

*cw for references to a drug overdose and an implied suicide attempt*

ao3

TK hasn’t believed in soulmates for a long time.

He does as a kid, because don’t all kids like the idea of a perfect romance, ready and waiting for them to fall into? He hangs onto his parents’ every word when they relate how they found each other, the moment they realised their Soul Marks matched. TK believes in their story, and he wants something just like what they have.

Then, too quickly, he grows up.

He hears stories of soulmates who never meet, doomed to live life without their pre-ordained other half. Some find happiness anyway; others don’t, too caught up in the fantasy of perfection to settle.

He hears about soulmates who do meet, and then don’t end up working out. His parents fall into this category, their marriage falling apart even before TK learns that soulmates aren’t all they’re cracked up to be. He wonders, sometimes, if they were lying about being soulmates, because his mom seems so much happier with Enzo, and his dad… Well, his dad moves on. He knows, logically, that it’s not true, but the thought is there anyway.

Worst of all, he hears that soulmates aren’t meant for people like him, people who love the wrong way. These tales usually come in the form of insults, and TK learns to disregard them. Even so, the idea sticks in his head for longer than he wants it to, sending a panicked bolt through him despite his disdain for the whole soulmate business.

He almost doesn’t look at his Mark when it shows up on his eighteenth birthday. He stubbornly averts his eyes until his arm is fully covered up, telling himself that it’s better this way. But his resolve weakens as the day wears on, and TK eventually finds himself shoving his sleeve up, looking down before he can second-guess himself.

He’s an impressive guy.

TK stares down at the writing, sitting heavily on the end of his bed as a shard of hope he didn’t even know he had left breaks and vanishes. He’s not sure what he’d been expecting, but words that show his so-called soulmate openly declaring affection for another man aren’t it. 

TK tells himself that he doesn’t care. He probably won’t ever meet this guy, and, if he does, he supposes they can still be friends. Or they can ignore each other. That sort of thing happens, he hears. This means nothing to him; it never did, and it never will.

(He pretends to believe it)

*

At twenty-three, he meets Alex. TK has fallen far since eighteen, hospital trips and rehab facilities becoming staples in his life for several years. He’s been sober for a while now, but sometimes the emptiness inside him is so crushing that he wants nothing more than to give up again.

But Alex is a good guy - the best, really - and TK decides that the universe got it wrong with him. Alex’s first words to him were nothing more than a simple, “Hey”, but TK knows that they’re meant to be together. He even tells people that they’re soulmates when they ask, and because Alex shares his jaded view, he never tries to correct him.

It’s the happiest TK has ever been, and it refuses to throw it all away just because of four meaningless words on his arm.

Their relationship isn’t perfect, but whose is? Even soulmates argue, so he and Alex are completely fine. Better than fine. His dad - the only person besides Alex who knows about TK’s Mark - disagrees, repeatedly telling him that they’re not good for each other. TK doesn’t listen, rolling his eyes the first few times before tuning his dad out altogether. 

He regrets that decision when, months later, he finds himself in his front room, engagement ring traded for oxy. A rip-off, really, but it’s not like he’ll be around long enough to care too much.

“I found him, TK,” Alex had said, his voice now echoing in TK’s head. “My soulmate.”

“But… You don’t believe in any of that crap.”

“I didn’t. But Mitchell is incredible, and I want to be with him. Properly, that is. I’m sorry, TK.”

*

Somehow, TK survives. He’s dragged to Austin, forced into a new city, a new team, a new life. He goes along with it, trying to find something beyond the grey, if only to make his dad happy. It’s an impossible task, but he’s good at faking smiles, so no-one needs to know.

Love and soulmates are the furthest things from his mind, because TK knows now. It’s not that the system is broken, it’s that he is. Those people from years ago were right all along; maybe soulmates do exist, just not for someone like him, who’s so irredeemably fucked up that no-one could possibly love them.

He refuses to waste any time thinking about his Mark, which is why he’s so caught off guard one rainy night when his dad rescues a baby from a tree, and a beautiful police officer approaches him.

“He’s an impressive guy.”

“He’s my dad,” TK responds unthinkingly. The officer’s words take a few seconds to sink in, and he almost gives himself whiplash from the speed at which he turns to look at him. “What did you say?”

The officer is wearing an identical look of shock, eyes wide as he stares at TK. “I…” He grins and shakes his head. “I’ll show you mine if you show me yours.”

Despite himself, TK’s heart begins to beat that bit faster and he can’t help the slow smile that spreads across his face. “Easy there, cowboy,” he jokes. “At least buy me dinner first.”

“How about a drink? I’ll be at the bar tonight.”

TK freezes, backing up a step or two. He’s been avoiding bars like the plague since New York; beside which, this whole thing is dangerous. If this really is his soulmate, then the universe has shitty timing, because the last thing he wants right now is someone else breaking his already ruined heart. TK carefully studies the guy, cataloguing his kind eyes, his open face, his body, obviously gorgeous despite being hidden under his uniform and raincoat. 

He’s the kind of guy TK could easily fall for, which is exactly why he should be running right now. And yet.

“Sure,” he says, smiling. “I’ll see you there, Officer…”

“Reyes.” The officer leans in, so his breath tickles TK’s ear. “But you can call me Carlos.”

“TK.”

They shake hands, both laughing at the absurdity of the gesture. TK’s half sure he imagined the spark that passed between them at the contact, but he knows for certain that he wants - needs - Carlos in his life.

Standing there in the rain, looking into his soulmate’s eyes, TK tentatively starts to believe again.

[beeexx]

Fic: Autumn 

4 tattoos on TK’s body, 4 stories set over each of the 4 season. Carlos and TK grow closer.

Read part one here or read the whole thing on ao3, see the end notes there for more of my comments.  

-----------

It’s been raining on and off for weeks now, the humidity thick in the air, mixing badly with the chillier temperatures in the mornings and evenings, the sky looking a lot like someone’s taken a paintbrush to it and permanently painted it a depressing colour of grey that’s never going to disappear. Carlos is either constantly overdressed or underdressed and the uncertainty of the days, the constant rain, and the stress he’s been under for a few weeks now has made him extremely tired.

Which is why he and TK’s had a fight. They don’t often do this, Carlos has the patience of a saint, he knows this, Owen’s told him that on numerous occasions when TK’s been a little difficult and Owen’s been struggling to not lose his own temper, even TK’s gratefully expressed that too on a few occasions. So yes, he is very aware of how calm and patient he can be. But today Carlos has had a bad day at work and he’s tired and it’s just his luck that today of all days clashes with one of TK’s bad days, where he is anxious and too wrapped up in his own head to really be able to read signals.

Carlos doesn’t fault TK for this, of course not, but when his boyfriend is being uncooperative and uncommunicative, and not having had the strength to not drink that fourth cup of coffee today, their moods are doomed to clash. And it turns into a fight over something really stupid that causes TK to slam the bedroom door shut and for Carlos to kind of want to cry as it rattles on its hinges, that’s how much he feels that everything is too much right now. 

He’s bent over the stove, staring angrily at the uncooked chicken in the pan and wishes he could set it on fire or something, that would maybe make him feel fractionally better. Carlos really doesn’t want to fight, and he really doesn’t want to fight with TK, but even he has bad days where all signals go straight over the other one’s head and the answer ‘I’m fine’ with a foot bouncing unrelentlessly while hanging off the chair with a nose in phone, means that TK is definitely not fine, sometimes that doesn’t always translate for Carlos. Particularly not on a day like this.

He knows most of the signs and tells when TK is anxious, has been through one anxiety attack triggered by a nightmare with him where he might have remained totally collected on the outside while on the inside his heart broke in two because his boyfriend was on the floor telling him he couldn’t breathe and that image is doomed to haunt him for a long time. It was scary, but he’s seen panic before and he recognized the signs immediately and they talked through it afterwards and moved past it, well adjusted to deal with it in the future.

And TK isn’t selfish, he’s pretty good at reading Carlos’ in return, but not on the days where Carlos is strung so tightly he could snap in half due to days full of picking kids up from places where their parents are fighting with fists, bloody from the violence and almost always on something while the kids are hiding, their faces blank without tears because they’ve been through it too many times by then to know it doesn’t help. He doesn’t know what’s worse, that they’ve seen too much of this already, that it’s become so normalised for them they’ve already accepted it, or when they see it for the first time and Carlos is forced to gather them up in his arms, talk to them or sing to distract from the vicious yelling from the other room while child services are being called and the parents are dragged away in handcuffs screaming bloody murder. Yeah, sometimes he hates his job.

So, it’s been a bad day and coming home to a TK that is a nervous ball of tightly strung energy too, is not a good combination.

Carlos exhales, feels absolutely exhausted by now and he’s honestly ready to just go to sleep on the couch and forget about everything. He hears the bedroom door open, prepares himself for some short clipped words from TK informing him that he’s going home to his dad to sleep, instead, and this goes to show how upset and distracted he is, when TK steps in close and wraps his arms around him instead. He freezes for a moment, rendered shocked before he snaps out of it, covering TK’s hands with his own. 

He’s about to turn around so he can hug back for real when he feels TK’s arms slip from his, hurt he turns to look at TK, but TK’s already taken his hand in his, tugs on it until Carlos follows him, and walks him over to the couch. Gently he pushes him down on it, and Carlos goes willingly, at first not understanding what TK is doing. He gets the hint that TK wants him to lie down though, and when he does TK wordlessly climbs on top of him, laying down, covering him with his body. Dumbstruck he puts his arms around TK, feels his calming breathing on top of him, and somehow he calms down himself. TK winds his own arms around him too and with the both of them on top of each other like this, it’s a snug fit on the small couch. But it doesn’t matter, having TK near calms him immediately.  

“I’m sorry.” TK whispers. “I didn’t mean to be difficult.” Carlos shakes his head.

“No, it’s okay, I’m very sorry too.”

“I know work’s been a lot for you recently and I should have been more considerate, it’s just, it’s hard for me sometimes when I get stuck in my head to see that you’re struggling too.” He admits and Carlos nods, he understands.

“And I’m not leaving, I promise.” It makes Carlos stop for a moment, the words taking him by surprise because while it’s been hanging over them from the beginning that TK’s been scared that Carlos is going to leave him because he’s has got it into his head that he’s going to be too much and have too much baggage for it to be fair to Carlos to have to deal with it too, Carlos cannot help but feel the exact same at times as well. Especially when TK is upset and angry and on the rare occasions that they do fight, that he’ll leave. Not for long, but for a few hours and the thought of that is just too much for him sometimes that it makes him not think clearly, panicked into apathy almost. 

“I’m in it for the long run I promise.” Carlos tightens his arms around him, breathes him in, feels the weight of TK ground him into the couch, and he focuses on that feeling of safety, allowing it to embrace him for a moment as he swallows down the tears.

“I know.” He whispers, hears his voice waver slightly. “I know, but it’s nice to hear you say it nonetheless.” 

TK sits up, rests his elbow on either side of Carlos and wipes the escaping tear away gently, and kisses his cheek.

“I love you Carlos, I’m not leaving.”

“I know…”

“Are you okay?” He asks, concerned and Carlos shrugs, not totally used to being on the receiving end of TK’s worry. It makes him feel a little odd but he’s also understanding TK’s own hesitancy to opening up to Carlos in the beginning of their relationship, it’s scary.

“Work has not been easy recently. It’s just been a lot of bad stuff involving kids and social services and drugs, it’s making me feel useless. These kids, they deserve better and most of them just want their parents to love them. Separating them like this feels inhumane.” He admits, shakes his head to prevent more tears from escaping. 

TK nods but he winces and he has that rare look on his face, one Carlos knows means that he wants to protect him, wishes he could carry some of the burden for Carlos himself. It’s the same look he gets when he’s on call and he has to deal with a particularly difficult rescue, where instincts kick in and he will do everything he can to save the person.

It’s strange but Carlos recognises it’s deeply meaningful to be on the receiving end of it, Carlos can’t imagine there’s many people alive that TK cares this deeply about.

“I’m very very sorry about that.”

“Yeah...me too. But taking it out on you when you’re clearly not feeling your best either is not okay and I’m sorry.”

“I know you didn’t mean to and I wasn’t exactly helping my case along by being inconsiderate.”

“Agreed then that we both made mistakes?” Carlos says, his lip twitching a little and TK nods, smile small.

“Yeah, agreed.” He leans forward and kisses Carlos’ nose, a soft gentle gesture and it lodges something fiercely in his throat for a moment, making him gulp down the tears. 

But it makes him feel better too, and the tough and long day has started to diminish slightly by now when he feels warm and loved and comforted by the love of his life.

“Tell me about your day.” He tells TK and he huffs but smiles softly and nods, leans down again and while he talks he keeps placing butterfly light kisses on Carlos’ exposed skin, making his heart flutter in love.

He talks for a bit and Carlos hums and nods and doesn’t say much, starts to feel himself drifting off but feeling too tired to stop it.

…..

He wakes by the cascading sound of water against his windows, sits up confused as to where he is for a moment and why there is a blanket draped over him, the loud noise alerting him to the roaring storm outside. The living room light is off but the kitchen ones are on and there are two steaming plates of food standing on the counter, TK absent. He yawns, stretches and gets up in search of his boyfriend. It doesn’t take long, he comes out of the bathroom, freshly showered and wearing sweatpants and an old t-shirt of Carlos’, a little loose around the arms. He smiles when he spots Carlos is up and comes close, wrapping his arms around him. He looks better Carlos notes, less burdened than when earlier. 

“Hi.” He smiles. Carlos can’t help but smile back, loving it when he gets to see TK like this, completely at ease, facade gone, face open and soft looking in clothes that belong to him. 

He feels his heart grow in size and he leans down, kisses his boyfriend and hopes it conveys everything he feels that he can’t find the words for at the moment. TK seems to appreciate it and somehow understand it too, he hums, wraps his arms tighter around his neck and gives in to the kiss completely. He could do this forever, but he’s hungry and whatever there is that TK’s made smells lovely, so he breaks the kiss and TK kisses his nose before he steps back, but only a little, still keeping close to Carlos.

“You cooked.” He comments lifting an eyebrow. TK shrugs, a little unsure.

“Yeah, I have no idea what you had planned to make before the fight but you fell asleep and I thought you might appreciate some food when you woke up.” Carlos' heart melts, he loves him so much. 

TK looks back and Carlos kisses him again, taking the breath out of him as TK’s surprise becomes evident. Carlos steps back and TK looks dazed, he blinks and Carlos smiles.

“Thank you, I love it.” And a shy little smile breaks across TK’s smile, relief mixing with love.

“Yeah?”

“Yeah. And I am starving.”

“Good.” They step apart to sit down and the evening that started out horrendously turns into something soft and beautiful instead, both of them tucked away into a little bubble of light while it rains heavily outside, unbeknownst to them. 

After dinner and the dishes have been cleaned away they move to the couch again, Carlos also having changed out of his jeans to fully enjoy the downtime. An episode of Criminal Minds is playing on TV, not Carlos’ favourite thing to watch when he wants to relax, but TK enjoys it and has taken to asking Carlos questions about what they do being realistic or not. 

He’s not paying attention to the episode though, his attention is on TK more than anything else right now, his head in Carlos’ lap, eyes attentive on the screen, his hair soft and loose, having been left unstyled after the shower, breathing slow and calm. He’s stroking a hand up and down his arm, making goosebumps erupt on his skin, something he delights a little too much in doing. 

The sleeve of the shirt has risen up, and there is one of TK’s many different tattoos. This one is the SOS one, the world as the O and it’s pretty, Carlos actually likes it a lot, can’t help but be curious about it too. He moves his hand over it, fingers gently hovering above it until he has TK’s full attention. It takes a while for him to notice that the stroking has stopped and he moves his head, frowning slightly.

“What is it?” He asks, Carlos smiles, a little cheekily.

“What about this one.” He taps gently at the underside of his upper arm and TK’s eyes move to it. When he gets what Carlos is asking he huffs but he nimbly moves and lies down on his back, meeting Carlos’ eyes. Carlos gets a pillow from behind himself, motions for TK to move and puts it under his head making it more comfortable for him.

“Okay this one really doesn’t have as deep a meaning as the other one, just to warn you.”

“It doesn’t have to be deep.” He reassures. “I just want to know more about you.” TK’s eyes go soft for a moment and he draws in a sharp breath.

“I love you so much.” He whispers and Carlos smiles brilliantly, leans forward and kisses TK. 

The angle is all wrong and kissing upside down really isn’t as sexy as they make it out to be in films, not that it matters, the action, softly kissing someone he loves is all that matters.

“I love you too.” He sits back.

“Okay, well this really isn’t that deep. But you know I love the ocean?” Carlos nods.

“Well I went on a trip with some friends to California for a weekend when I was younger and there was this activism group that was protesting and advocating for the protection of our seas so I stopped and talked with one of the guys and he was really passionate about it. I learnt a lot from him and I guess it just kick started my own passion for the sea.”

“Yeah?”

“But the tattoo came after a drunk night out, same trip though, where I flirted with the tattoo artist for long enough to make him agree to do it even though I very obviously wasn’t sober.”

“You little menace.” TK flashes him a cheeky grin, clearly proud of the achievement.

“Well the tattoo turned out nice though.” He strokes his thumb appreciatively over it and TK nods.

“It did.” 

“What happened with the dude?”

“I went home with him for the night.” Carlos snorts and rolls his eyes.

“Of course you did.” TK chuckles.

“But yes the tattoo turned out nice, it really did. Not that I am against putting tattoos or piercings or stuff on your body that don’t have any meaning. But I guess it’s nice when some of them do.”

“It’s art, I like it on you, adds another layer to you, as well as making you hot as hell.”

“Yeah?” TK lifts an eyebrow, intrigued now, fishing for details, wanting more. Carlos chuckles but he can’t really resist TK when he looks at him like he does now, biting at his lip, knowing of course exactly what he’s doing to Carlos. 

“You are a menace.” TK chuckles, sits up, easily turning around planting himself in Carlos’ lap, kicking away the pillow.

“Yep, but you love it.”

“I do.” He says leaning forward, meeting TK in the middle. 

They don’t last too long on the couch because after becoming an actual well adjusted couple both of them prefer having sex in the bedroom, it makes for much more intimacy than a quickie on this small couch do for either of them these days. Not that they are exactly opposed to having sex a bit all over the place at Carlos’, but after the evening they’ve had, the bedroom it defintiely is.

Carlos turns off the TV, carries his boyfriend easily enough to his bedroom and closes the door behind them.

[woodchoc-magnum]

911:Lone Star 2x07 Hate Watch

God you guys

This episode sucked so hard.

Friendly reminder - if you love this show, keep on keeping on, friend! I hate it!

Eddie Diaz to cleanse our hearts and minds before we embark on this journey of hate together:

Gwen can do better than Rob Lowe

He's not the one having second thoughts, she IS

Yes Gwen you are crazy for wanting to be with Rob Lowe

You can do better

What will be this episode's gross thing I wonder

CARLOS? IS THAT YOU?!

Why does Rob Lowe insist on doing all the stuff himself? Marjan could've climbed up there

What I love about TK in this scene is his total and utter lack of emotion

The flat register of his voice

It's such a phenomenal acting performance

They should nominate Ronen for an Emmy for the monotone alone

The outside of Rob Lowe's house is just as ugly as the inside

God this argument about what boring ugly kitchen stuff to keep is so fucking stupid

Oh I totally bought my friend one of those sloth tea infusers, she loves it

I also got her a shark

And… something else? A dinosaur?

These two are DOOMED

They can't even agree on kitchenware

And instead of communicating they just have sex

That's not the mark of a good relationship, friends

Is Nancy's foot still broken or nah?

I feel like Nancy hates TK as much as I do

Wait are paramedics geeks now

He CHANGED THE SYSTEM WITHOUT ASKING HER

No wonder she hates him

TK is so goddamn stupid and I hate his face so much

"Live in it for a minute"? Man fuck TK he sucks

Wait

How did they not know the fucking MRI machine was on?

Was there not a goddamn warning light?

Is there not an emergency shut off?

THE BUTTON IS ON THE FRONT OF THE FUCKING MACHINE ARE YOU FUCKING FOR REAL

"TK you got any metal in your body I need to know about?" "son you got a dick piercing or no?"

REALLY THEY TOOK THEIR FUCKING CLOTHES OFF FUCKING REALLY

This is legit the dumbest thing that's ever been on this show

This whole thing is so stupid

It was just an excuse to get everyone in their underwear

I just saw Rob Lowe's bulge

But I feel like I actually saw his dick in a movie once? The movie with Demi Moore… "About Last Night" – I'm like 90% sure you catch a glimpse of dick in that movie

Also off topic but Demi Moore looks absolutely fucking amazing in that movie and it has some full on 80s sex scenes and honestly, I was into it but Jim Belushi was also in that movie with his curly 80s mullet? So points are immediately subtracted

I would like to talk about Gina Torres and her goddamn BANGING BODY

GET IT GIRL

Judd is so nice and if he and Grace decided to move to LA, that wouldn't be the worst thing in the world

Oh wait Judd is complimenting Rob Lowe on his STYLE? JUDD WE NEED TO TALK

YOU'RE ON THIN GODDAMN ICE

Nancy hates TK and I don't blame her

Not one little bit

NO MASKS AT THE TAEKWONDO THING

NO ONE IS WEARING A MASK

I haven't seen one mask – except for in the hospital – this entire episode

I'm kinda confused as to why the kid doesn't want her there? But I also need to make it clear that I don't care

TK is actually stupid

CARLOS

Wow you get more that one scene this episode! Great work bro

TK is a melodramatic little bitch and I hate him

Carlos has a really nice house though and I do like his couch

Wait did TK have that earring in when he went into the MRI room?

I'm going to assume no? But honestly with this show it was probably in and visible in the scene

I love this friendship between Tommy and Grace

We're seven episodes in and Tommy is still carrying on about how hard it is to be at work instead of with her kids – lady, women do this all the time

I feel like I'm meant to have sympathy but I just don't.

IT'S NOT HIS FUCKING BABY

WHO IS ENZO

IT'S NOT HIS BABY

Okay so this baby is going to be born but it's NOT ROB LOWE'S

"Rebound guy?" ROB LOWE YOU ARE THE REBOUND GUY

It's not over, she's still into whoever this Enzo is and I'd like to meet him

Lisa Edelstein you can do better than this man and this show

God this episode is so boring, literally no one has exploded

The odds aren't in Rob Lowe's favour, he had chemo, his sperm are DEAD

Why is there a bottle of Jack Daniels on the kitchen island during breakfast?

Oh he put it in the omelette wow okay

Okay someone has to clean up after the food fight guys

The earring in TK's ear makes him look like a 90s fuckboy

Yeah I said it

Wait it's JANUARY IN LONE STAR?

Is it January in the OG?

For this one fucking character who had less than five minutes of screen time in Season 1, they sure are spending a lot of time forcing us to care about his death

Oh thank god this is nearly finished

Rob Lowe is about to have his heart broken I can't wait

Delete the email? GIRL READ THE EMAIL

READ IT

Pretentious and insufferable? YOU ARE, OWEN

YOU ARE THE WORST

IT'S NOT HIS BABY

IT'S NOT HIS I KNEW IT

God there is going to be so much white man pain after this fucking bullshit

These two are doomed, totally fucking doomed

She's running away, it's done

She totally loves Enzo

I really want to meet Enzo, I bet he's hot

YOU ARE THE REBOUND OWEN

AMAZING

It's like watching his heart be crushed in slow motion and I love every minute of it

I give this episode a solid 0/10, there was nothing enjoyable about it - nobody blew up, not even one SINGLE PERSON BLEW UP.

God I hate this show so fucking much

How can the OG be so good and this just be so utterly abysmal? What the fuck is going on in the Lone Star writers room?

Is there something in Rob Lowe’s contract that says he needs to be the focal point of every single episode? Because truly, that’s the problem. On the OG, everyone gets a chance to shine - they know how to have some characters take a backseat in certain episode to give others a moment on their own. That’s why you feel so connected to all of the characters.

Angela Bassett is first billed on the OG and not every episode revolves around her - because the writers for the OG understand how to let everyone have a turn in the spotlight!

But not on Lone Star, it’s the fucking Rob Lowe show and it SUCKS.

And nobody wears a goddamn mask

And the MRI scene was SO FUCKING STUPID

AND I HAD TO SEE TK IN HIS UNDERWEAR.

Worst episode ever - you know what? Revised score: -1,000,000/10 FUCK YOU LONE STAR

Diaz to cleanse and breathe and we are moving on and everything is fine:

[firetrucks-fastcars]

Hey happy new year 🎉 can i ask for something happen to carlos and tk say « i love you » for the first time, sad with happy ending please 🙏🏼

Congrats on being the first fic of the new year!

Read on ao3 here

TK was well aware of the dangers of Carlos’ job. It was part of the reason they worked so well. They both understood the hectic schedule of a first responder and the dangers that came with the job they both loved. However, that didn’t mean TK was completely okay with his boyfriend putting himself in the line of fire, just like Carlos wasn’t completely okay with TK running into burning buildings.

Usually, they could push down the feelings of impending doom and the fear they felt every time the other was in danger until they were home and could hold each other in the dark, kissing away tears and murmuring reassurances. However, it was hard for TK to compartmentalize when he was sitting in a hard, plastic hospital chair waiting on news from Carlos’ surgeon.

It should have been a relatively uneventful call. They were called to the scene of a car crash where someone had been hit while running from the cops after robbing a gas station.

Carlos wasn’t even the responding officer, he was only there for crowd control. Little did they know, one of the robber’s friends had gotten away and hid in the crowd. One minute TK was helping Judd load the guy into the back of the ambulance, the next he was crouching with his arms over his head, trying to figure out where the shot had come from.

Carlos’ partner had managed to get the guy in cuffs and kick his gun away, but the words he called out as he dragged the guy away would haunt TK forever.

“Officer down!”

TK had looked up and seen Carlos passed out on the concrete, gaping wound in his stomach.

Now he was in the hospital waiting room, eyes burning with tears he was struggling to hold back. 

He rubbed the palms of his hands against his uniform pants. He’d scrubbed them raw in the bathroom, trying to get Carlos’ blood off of his skin, but every time he looked down, he swore they were caked red again. He was pretty sure Carlos’ blood was somewhere on his uniform too, but he didn’t have the energy to stand up and change into the new clothes Owen had brought him. 

He stared at the clock, willing the minutes to go by faster, but he swore time was frozen. He was startled by a firm hand on the back of his neck.

“Come on kid, let’s take a walk,” Judd said, pushing him to stand up.

“I want to be here when Carlos gets out of surgery.”

“Gracie just talked to one of the nurses. He’s still in surgery, it will be another hour at least before he goes to recovery. We have time to walk around. You need some air.”

TK nodded and let Judd guide him out of the waiting room. He closed his eyes and took a deep breath as the doors opened and the cool air hit him.

He hadn’t been prepared for how warm fall would be in Texas, but as they crept closer to winter, the cool chill he was used to had started to break through the humidity of the Austin air. 

Judd leaned against the wall staring out at the sun that was starting to set. He didn’t force TK to speak, but he left the floor open when he was ready.

TK took slow, calming breaths before he looked at Judd, “Do you know what it’s like to fear for someone’s life every time they leave the house? Every day, Carlos gets up and goes to work even though what I want is to force him to stay inside with me. To lock the door so that we’re safe. But I don’t, because every day he comes back to me in one piece. But today he didn’t. He isn’t in one piece, he’s on an operating table with a hole in his stomach and I feel like I can’t breathe. I feel like his blood is still on my hands. I was on the ground, holding the blood inside of my boyfriend’s body and I don’t know how I move on from that.”

“You don’t.”

“What?”

“You can’t just forget every bad thing that ever happened to you. It doesn’t work that way. I used to wish that I could forget the factory explosion. I lost my entire team within a matter of minutes and I used to wish I could wipe that image from my brain. But I can’t and I had to accept that. You saved his life TK, believe it or not, that usually strengthens relationships in my experience. When he wakes up, he’s gonna be the same Carlos Reyes he was before he got shot. He’ll just have one more scar to add to his collection, and he’ll know that he’s still here because of you. You can’t think about what could have happened. You have to thank whatever God is out there that he’s still alive, and you hold onto him as tight as you can. I know you want to wrap each other in bubble wrap but you can’t. Getting hurt, getting your hands dirty, it’s part of being human, and as much as it sucks, you have to live with it. You’ll never forget what it felt like, holding his life in your hands, but you knight just appreciate his heart beat a little more now. Do you get what I’m saying?”

“Yeah, yeah I do. I just- I love him. I can’t lose him.”

“Have you ever said that out loud before?”

“No, I haven’t.”

“How does it feel?”

“Really fucking good.”

“Good,” Judd patted his back. “Go back inside, change your clothes, and wait on Carlos to wake up. And when he does, tell him what you just told me. After the day he’s had I’m sure he’ll be glad to hear it.”

TK nodded and reentered the hospital doors. He’d barely finished changing and joined his team in the waiting room when the surgeon emerged from behind the OR doors.

“Carlos Reyes family?”

“That’s us.”

“The surgery went well. We were able to remove the bullet with little trouble. Unfortunately, we did have to remove his appendix as it was ruptured by the velocity of the shot but other than that, he was very lucky.”

“Can we see him?” TK asked.

“Yes, only two at a time, please. He’s still pretty out of it so he may be in and out of sleep for the next few hours.”

“Thank you.”

“Of course. He’s in room 118 when you’re ready.”

“TK, you should go first,” Owen said.

“Okay.”

TK carefully opened the door to his room. Carlos was in the bed, hooked up to an IV. His eyes were open, but he looked a little spaced out.

“Hey baby,” TK approached the bed and gently took his hand.

“TK?”

“Yeah, it’s me. We keep ending up here huh?”

“Yeah. It’s no fun,” Carlos laughed at little, then winced when it pulled the stitches in his side.

“Oh, careful. How do you feel?”

“It hurts a little, but they gave me the good stuff. Are you okay?”

“I’m fine. I’m just really glad you’re okay. I love you, you know that right?”

“You do?”

“I do. I said it out loud for the first time about an hour ago and it’s probably the best sentence that’s ever left my mouth.”

“I love you too.”

“Good, because you’re not getting rid of me any time soon.”

“I’m okay with that.”

Carlos’ eyes drooped as he fought to stay awake. 

“Get some rest babe.”

“Stay?”

“I’m not going anywhere.”

[christinaroseandrews]

Brenna is a wolf. A changeling. But she’s also the sole Survivor of a sadistic Psy serial killer. Which makes it very odd that she feels drawn to another ice cold Psy, Judd Lauren. But when death strikes at the very heart of the pack, Brina knows that there is no one else she can trust. No one else she wants. And so she’s going to have him. Even though he is an ice cold Psy. Judd is a Psy. A telekinetic. And one of the elites know as an Arrow. He used to work for the council, but when the council decided his family was slated for rehabilitation--a gentle way to refer to death of personality-- he knew that he had to defect. Now a guest of the wolves, Judd works to disrupt the rotten core of the Psy. Even as he must embrace the Silence himself. Because if he allows himself to feel, bad things could happen(tm). And he could never live with himself if he hurts someone he loved. A small group which now includes a very persistent wolf.

So...I mostly like this book. Kinda. Sorta. It’s complicated.

Here’s some trigger warnings: discussion of sexual assault, discussion of suicide, discussion of torture, ableism, stalking, child endangerment, and more that I’m likely forgetting since I read this book months ago.

Straight out, I love Judd. And now having read the rest of the series, I still love Judd. Judd is great. And this book introduces so many great characters and concepts. But... Yeah.

So going into the book, I was intrigued by Judd’s character. I thought his history was interesting. The fact that he was an Arrow... one of the Psy Council’s assissins... fascinating. We also got to learn more of why the Lauren family defected and were willing risk so much to get out of the Psy Council’s sphere of influence. I also was fully invested in Judd’s self imposed quest.

But in a way, I felt this book spent a bit too much time on seeding the threads for future plots. I mean there’s the ghost... which the foreshadowing there is well done. There’s the whole issue with the Arrows. There’s the stuff with the Psy Council. There’s the stuff with Hawke’s dead mate. So much stuff. So while I liked Judd and I liked the overarching plot of the series, I was less impressed with Brenna. Some of the information regarding her came way too late. I also didn’t like how pushy she was. While I understand her reasons, Judd makes her feel safe. I’m just never fond of somebody who doesn’t respect somebody else’s no. It doesn’t matter who the person is... no means no. And as someone who was assaulted they should really get that. It felt hella hypocritical. And it dropped the book a star for me.

I did like that we got to see more from some of the earlier couples and the POV’s of other characters including Kaleb and Faith. That said, I’ve noticed a tendency in these books to head hop randomly and it is very random and it is distracting. Additionally I did not feel that the antagonist was foreshadowed well. The first book did it better. Heck the whole “main” plot of the book was poorly done. It was a repeat of books 1 and 2.

Also, spoiler alert, I didn’t love that Brenna has a disability now because of her trauma... which okay... that’s fine. But it gets better by the end of the book because of the “Oh My God, Judd’s Magical Healing Cock of Doom”. It’s ableistic. And it drops this book another star.

This book is also when I started noticing two things... 1. the author’s tendency to have EVERYONE bite their partner’s lips while kissing. (Which for me is a thing I do not like when kissing but YMMV) And 2. A sameness in plots and characters. 

For instance... so far all of the heroines are “damaged” in some way. And all of the heroes are “alpha/Dominant”.  Each of the books has introduced a new and unique Psychic Type (Empath, Foreseer, Tk-Cell).  Each of the books has dealt with a serial killer. It’s gotten so bad that a friend @meiedwards/ @backwardsandinhighheels​ made a spreadsheet to keep track of some of this.

I’ll be sharing snippets of this spread sheet as I go... I’m also documenting if the book is series arc necessary or not.

That said I did enjoy the book mostly. But I had enough problems with it that I can only give this... Three Stars.

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