#he doesnt remember loving her yet but even without his memories and the responsibilities of fatherhood

[pyrosomatic-metamorphosis]

bad convincing pomme to eat her cookies

[kitcat22]

Another Au thats been rattling around my head is a time travel Au where Turgon and the Lords of Gondolin wake up in the years of the trees

Turgon wakes up in his parents house in Tirion to the sound of birds tweeting outside his window.

Like most of his mornings his first moments of waking are blissfully pleasant … until reality comes crashing down on him. This time around the reality of his existence is even worse than before

He remembers watching as morgoths armies marched towards his city. He remembers the battles on the walls and in the streets and before his own tower. He remembers the death of his lords, his friends, and he remembers his own death too. He remembers of every piece of advice he ignored and every quiet warning from his daughter and the sounds of his people screaming, men,women and children all

And Turgon weeps

It takes a little while of crying his eyes out before it occurs to him that the halls of Mandos look an awful lot like his room at his parents house in tirion.

Confused, he wonders down the stairs through the familiar hallways and into the dining room where his father sits eating breakfast

Cue more confused crying

Nolofinwe is equally bewildered and very worried why Turukano is uncontrollably sobbing into his arms. He calls Anaire into the room but she is just as helpless as him

During this breakdown Turgon has his realisation that he’s in pre darking valinor comes to understand that either he’s been sent back in time ore the last few hundred years for him have been some strange dream. It occurs to him that if his parents are whole and well in front of him Elenwe must be alive too

Hearing his son mumble Elenwe’s name causes Nolofinwe to write a letter to Elenwe asking if everythings all right and if she could please return to tirion as something is very wrong with her husband.

Anaire tucks Turgon back into bed and sits beside him keeping watch.

Elenwe who is at an academic conference in Taniquetil while also visiting family, wakes up with memories up until falling through the ice.

She never reads her father in laws letter as she’s already madly dashing towards tirion.

When she arrives she and Turgon spend a long time cuddling and crying

Nolofinwe and Anaire, and by this point Findekano and Irrise, still have no clue whats going on

Elenwe and Turgon in the privacy of Turgons room tell each other what they remember

Elenwe is horrified and grieved to hear of all that happened after her death.

She longs for her brave,sensible daughter who grew up without her. Her daughter who has not even been conceived yet . She wishes she could have met her son in law who her husband speaks of with trust fondness, admiration and regret. She wonders about her apparently half elven grandson who Turgon speaks of as a sweet energetic child who loved sweets and games and staying up past his bedtime. She listens in horror at the tale of what fate befell the noldor upon reahcing beleriand.

Turgon realises with a panic that he doesnt know what happened to Maeglin. He desperately hopes he managed to escape. His nephew is to young to die , too young and full of promise. If Maeglin is dead then Turgon is responsible for the death of Aredhels son and that is not something that he can live with.

Neither of them can allow this dark future to become reality again

They realise that this is too difficult and unbelievable to explain to Turgons family so they promise them that they’ll explain everything eventually

No matter what it takes they will end the doom of the Noldor before it even begins

To be continued…

[chidoroki]

TPN ch181

(spoilers! AAAHHhhaha..my children!)

Okay, so remember in my last review when I said I was impressed how Ray, Gilda and Phil managed to narrow down where Emma might be in the matter of a couple months? Well, I take it back because it hasnt been just a few months, it's been two damn years! Oh my god, I can't imagine how hard it must've been for everyone, especially our two boys, to search for so long without even getting on single clue about Emma's whereabouts. Some of the children still doubt whether she's alive or actually in this world with them or not.

(image limit, so imagine the panels of the Goldy Pond kids discussing the lack of clues and Thoma and Lani doubting the reward again)

Thankfully, Gilda gets the idea to search in forbidden zones which is where we see her, Ray and Phil. Speaking of which, oh my poor boy. This is the longest Ray has been without Emma by his side. I thought the one month after Goldy Pond was hard enough on him, but two whole years? Damn, I can't imagine the stress and anxiety he's been experiencing. He's still so frustrated too and gets so close to Emma without even realizing it. Then, surprisingly, his beloved family steps in to help? The people he personally couldn't save now come together to help him save the one person who originally saved his life. Like, hello?? I love this! Conny, who was another sibling he had to use in order to put his initial escape plan in motion to save Emma and Norman's lives, is now assisting him in saving Emma from being alone. Yuugo, who knows firsthand how important Emma is to Ray and how close they are. Isabella, knowing her son kept his promise as he's always set out to do whatever it takes to protect his entire family. The fact that Ray's lost family members can feel how strong his bond with Emma is and they jump in to help reconnect the two of them again.. just, wow. It may be all the rayemma week feels getting to me but that's like a damn soulmate occurrence if i ever saw one!

The two unknowingly pass each other again but thanks to Emma conveniently losing her necklace and finding it with perfect timing, they all finally encounter each other. Everyone expresses their complete shock and relief that they had finally found Emma, and while I am happy they their search ended up a success, the mood changes fairly quickly due to our girls lost memories. She hasnt the slightest idea who "Emma" is, who these people are or why they're so excited to see her. The kids wonder if they have the right girl, as they take notice of Emma's bare neck.

One look at the necklace in her hand though and Ray finally puts the pieces together. Honestly, I'm not at all surprised he's the one to figure out the true reward, as Ray has been very perceptive since the beginning. He's also always been openly honest and blunt when things get serious, so naturally he's the one who has to let everyone know this because while it's a sad truth no one wants to hear, or even believe, they all need to realize it, including Emma. Even Ray has trouble coming to terms with the sacrifice Emma made. He understands how hard it must have been for Emma to accept the heavy price of her forgetting the family she loves so deeply and he looks so broken when he realizes that. He must be feeling so guilty that he couldn't have been there with her when she made the new promise. He still puts the blame on himself and he's so upset that his failure lead Emma to live in a world alone without the family she cares for more than anything.

I wasn't too satisfied last chapter when demon god told us the real reward and Emma's response was a simple "okay," so I'm grateful we learned more about the conversation now in this chapter. She really did want to live her family. She even knew some of them might get mad at her for keeping a secret. She says it's a selfish request, for her to place such a heavy burden on herself, but what mattered to her back then upon accepting the reward is what has always mattered to her, and that's her family's happiness and safety. It wasn't just her loved one either, but for all the demons and cattle children. This girl truly has a heart of gold and demon god himself is left surprised. Of course I wish she didn't think she was being selfish since everyone did agree to follow her as their leader but aahh.. my poor girl.

Spoiling the very end now, but we dont get one last fullscore trio hug. Of course that upsets me since I thought it would've made such a perfect ending, but it makes sense now given how everyone's reunion with Emma happened. While their happiness and relief is completely understandable after searching two years and finally finding Emma, they overreact and this visibly freaks her out. Come on guys, last time I said to gently remind her of her past, not bombard her right away. Having a ton of strangers surround you and tell you such outlandish things is quite jarring. I'm glad she takes the chance to listen to everyone, but she just doesnt know these people well enough to suddenly hug them. I imagined a hug would've happened upon her recalling some of her memories somehow and feeling relived that she met the two boys she often once dreamt about, but oh well.

Norman takes this time to step in and ease some of the tension, saying how happy he is that Emma's alive and even reiterating some of the things he said to her during his shipment scene. While this chapter soon shows how well the escapees have adapted to the human world and changed, it also puts an emphasis on the boy's true personalities that they showed since the very beginning. I've already mentioned above how Ray stayed true to himself, about him being open and honest to the others with the truth and even his own feelings. With Norman, I don't know the word for him really, but his speech about their family and his feelings remind me of ch1/ep1 where we see him trying to calm Emma down after seeing what they did at the gate. He stayed by her side and remained hopeful even though he was just as scared. Right now, I get the same vibes. He's just as upset as their family upon learning Emma lost her memories, but he still wants her to be apart of their family.

Although it seems like a very rushed way of tying up loose ends, I'm happy to hear about how well the children have been adapting in the human world. They're attending school and following their passions. They all look so happy! The entire Lambda crew is healthy and Cislo even has a prosthetic leg! The medicine made from Adam's dna was successful and also helped those children from the mass production farms. Mike Ratri and the clan are actually being helpful and trustworthy. I absolutely love Norman's comment about Ayshe not killing him! It really makes me smile and I assume that means she's forgiven him.. maybe. Her dogs were indeed able to cross over to the human world too and now there's even more! Chris is finally awake! They seriously have to fill the poor boy in on so much news though.

I get it. It took the entire story for me to understand but now I get Norman's intense feelings. He's been infatuated by this girl since childhood. He told us/Ray his feelings at age 11 then "gave his life" to give her a better chance at survival. He kept living just for the slight possibly to see her again. After almost two years, they reunite, only for about a week or two before they all cross over into the human world and Emma is no where to be seen. Another two years pass and while they all find her, she's almost a completely difference person. Yet Norman's feelings remain so sincere for her that he accepts this new Emma. He lets her know that the bright future she wished for came true. (me? speaking of noremma? even im surprised)

Her head might not have the slightest idea who these people are, but her heart surely remembers! Emma's feelings for her family were so strong that they persisted throughout these entire two years, even after she stopped having those dreams about them. Deep down, and without even realizing it, she loves them so much that it makes her cry.

“Why am I... Even though I don't know them. Though I don't know anything. Though I can't remember. Why... Does it feel warm, but also so painful in my heart? I wanted to see you.”

Seeing everyone else get emotional and expressing their feelings to her right back and having all of them accept this new Emma.. yeah, that has me in tears! Demon god truly underestimated these kids and how deep their love for each other went. Emma's family was never going to give up looking for her because, thanks to her influence, they also didn't believe anything was impossible. “Screw destiny” indeed! (also we never did learn the old dude's name or Emma's new one hm? odd.)

Did Emma get her memories back? No. Did Ray pat her head again so I could die from nostalgia? No, because I'm still here. Did we get a fullscore hug like I originally hoped? No, sadly. The ending isn't picture perfect but honestly, this is still okay. Our precious girl is finally reunited with her family again. Most importantly, they're alive. The trio are teenagers about 15/16 years old now, which amazing since they once believed they wouldn't see a day past the age of 12. Yet here they are, living happy and free in the human world without fear and killing, which is exactly what Emma wished for.

I can't believe the manga is truly finished. It feels like it all went by so quick, but perhaps that's only because I haven't been in the fandom as long as others, like if you've been here since the manga started then I applaud you and can't imagine how sad this must be after four years. The anime is what caught my attention and my love for this series only grew when I jumped into the manga right after season one ended. I must have binged all available chapters at the time in like three days, all the way up to ch129. Since then I've waited patiently week after week to see how this suspenseful story would pan out for out lovable and very large cast of characters. Each new twist and cliffhanger made my brain crazy and stressed me out but it was so great to experience them with everyone.

Also, big thanks to all of you who share your comments on these reviews of mine! Even though I started writing them pretty late into the story and at the most stressful time, it was great to hear so much feedback and experience the exciting finish with everyone. The manga may have ended, but don't let that make the fandom quiet! We still have future manga volume releases to look forward to, the live-action movie that is still set for this December along with a live-action series that was also recently announced. Most importantly, season two of the anime is still scheduled for January 2021! You can bet I'll do reactions for each episode as I normally do with other anime! The series still has so much more content to give us, especially if the anime continues to recieve future seasons over the upcoming years, so of course I'll give my thoughts on all that I can.

I give all my thanks and appreciation to Shirai & Demizu for such a wonderful and suspenseful story, for all the memorable characters and the stunning artwork. The series has truly become my favorite. That's right, I said it! My favorite. TPN has taken over Black Lagoon as my favorite series. (Revy can still keep her spot as my favorite character but I'll be damned if Ray isn't a really really close second.)

[obsessive-ego]

Sweet dreams part 2

Part 1

Musical beetlejuice x reader

Nsft content

Reader gets a wet dream while sharing a bed with their good pal beetlejuice

Voyeurism, masturbation, dubious consent

It's been a few days since the whole wet dream episode, you can still remember it like it was yesterday, as twistedly hot and awkward as the while thing was, the real awkward issues were the following morning.

10am your phone buzzes, illuminating the room, the mattress shifts, as you reach for your alarm you hear beetlejuice groan "shut it off babes, 10 more minutes".

Youd normally agree to that, but after what he did last night youd like to change you pants, and wash the sheets.

"Sorry Beej, wake up, I got shit to do" you nudge him, hoping he would let you go, no dice, he groans and tightens his grip on your waist.

"Sweets, it's so warm here, you have the day off, humor me".

"Sorry, I need to be an adult today-"

"Oh sugar, you can easily be an adult in bed~" his gravely voice drops to that seductive tone that makes a shiver run up your spin, this bastard was gonna be the death of you, you mumble an apology and pull away from his grip. Slinking out of bed you grab a pair of clean pajama pants and head to the bathroom.

Beetlejuice sighs, he'll get you one day, he pats his crotch, feeling the wet spot from last night, did you not notice last night? Did he wake you? Probably not, as least he thinks so.

He couldnt help but smile remembering that dream, he dreamt of you often, last night was a good one, guess having your scent so close triggered a REAL juciey wet dream, he sighs completely content, the image of you bouncing up and down on his cock, being so pretty for him, saying how much you loved him while he played with your breasts. Of course he figured it was a dream and really escalated it, pounding up into you at a punishing pace having you in tears over how good it was, beetlejuice couldnt help but drool remembering such a fun dream, but now wasnt the time to rub out another one, maybe later. He perked up hearing clattering in the kitchen, meaning you were making coffee, with a snap of his finger he was right beside you, he must of caught you off guard cuz you visibly jump.

"Did I scare you sugar~?" He purrs

You dont respond, your face was red, being this close to beetlejuice after him cumming on your backside in his sleep was too much too soon, you felt so awkward and embarrassed you thought your heart was gonna burst

"I know, I know, you're not a morning person, I'll check again when the coffee kicks in yeah?"

The whole day you would flinch when beetlejuice touched you, you couldnt even look at him, you weren't mad, just embarrassed. But of course he took it as you were upset with him, the day was weird and awful, but you couldnt stop yourself, you kept thinking back to last night.

When It came to the time when beetlejuice had to leave, as Lydia was summoning him, you gave him a goodbye handshake instead of the hug you normally do, you immediately regret that choice, seeing the purple hue that has taken him over, and with that final image he was gone, nothing left but green smoke.

In the last few days you've had time to calm down, and release the built tension. But today was yours and beetlejuice scheduled movie night, he was quite down when he left because of your actions, would he even want to DO movie night with you anymore after how weird you were? You paced the floor, mind flooded with negative scenarios of how the best thing to ever happen to you would never want to see you anymore.

You were pulled out of your thoughts when you phone started buzzing, caller ID lydia

You frown, and accept the call "hello?"

"What are you wearing?~"

You sigh, he was using her phone again "beetlejuice-"

"OH sugar you will be wearing me when I'm done with you~" he moaned

Knitting your brows together, not quite sure what he ment, but not wanting to know, before you could reply, BJ starts again

"So are we gonna do this or not? Babes you're giving me massive blueballs" in the back ground you can hear lydia yelling for her phone back and for you to hurry up and summon him.

Taking a deep breath and composing yourself you summon your friend, your apartment is filled with green smoke, you cough waving the smoke away, once the smoke cleared there stood beetlejuice, normally he would pull you around like a rag doll, or dramatically dip and kiss you as a greeting, but tonight he just stood there staring back at you.

You give him a soft smile "hey I wanted to apologize for my behavior the other day, I wasnt feeling too hot, and I acted super weird, I'm sorry if-"

Beetlejuice pulls you into a tight hug, guess that's all he needed from you?

"Thank god slash satan, Babs said you were probably feeling sick, I was SO worried you were sick of me Dollface" he nuzzled his head into the crock of your neck, you audibly gasp while the ghoul babbles about how worried he was about losing your friendship, you felt so rotten about it, but it's in the past and you two can move on.

Movie night was the same as it was, enjoyable, you order pizza and Beej scares the piss out of the delivery guy, it was nice to be over the awkward bump.

As it got late you told beetlejuice you were turning in, you got changed in the bathroom out of habbit, returning to your bedroom you saw the demon in your bed motioning you to come hither, you could feel you face getting warm, memories of the last time you two shared a bed came flooding back, you take a deep breath and go over.

"Come to daddy sweet thing~" beetlejuice coos with grabby hands

"Gross" you utter as you slide in next to him, your bed was a twin so there wasnt much room for personal space. Without a second thought beetlejuice wraps his arms around your waist as he spoons you, nuzzling his face in your hair.

"So warm" he mumbles, this is gonna be a long night, you could already feel the heat building inbetween your legs, none the less you close your eyes and try to empty you mind in Hope's sleep will come fast.

...

Beetlejuice is woken by your squirming "what's up sweets? Gotta pee?" No response, he give you a gentle nudge, nothing, he chuckles, you must be dreaming. Your breathing becomes harsh, panting as you squirm a bit harder, bumping your rear into the demons crotch.

"Whoa sugar, you alright?" He whispers, you quietly groan, then it clicks, you were having a wet dream, the ghoul couldnt help but drool at this, here you were, his cute little breather about to become a hot mess in his arms, WHILE HE'S VISIBLE.

You begin whining, while you squirm, bumping your rear into BJ's crotch at a nice steady pace, the demon was over the moon with this, his hair so bright with excitement and arousal, the room was illuminated an electric pink.

"What are you dreaming of sweetheart?~" he purrs, as his hand traces your thigh. "Pretty mean of you to give me a boner like this sugar, hmmmm, is this revenge for cumming on that cute butt of yours the other day?~" he couldnt help but chuckle at that last part.

Bucking harder against him, beetlejuice bites his knuckles to keep himself quite, stifling a moan, fuck this was so hot, should he let you sleep, or wake you up? Waking you up could be a good thing, maybe you'd wake up feeling incredibly horny and need him to pound you silly, or more likely youd be sick to your stomach with embarrassment, the demon is pulled from his thoughts by your voice, a tad louder then before.

"Beej, please" you moan softly

"Sweetheart" beetlejuice gently nudges you, no response. "Sugar, relax let your old pal mr beebleboose help ya out~" he purrs softly.

Beetlejuice gently snakes his hand to the front of your panties, gently teasing the folds of your sex with a single finger, the friction alone made you whine and buck hard, beetlejuice carefully pulls you close to his chest, so his now hard dick is resting nicely against your butt.

"Alright, I got you, this is the least I can do sweets" he cooed stroking your sex, you whine and buck, bumping your rear into Bj's cock, the ghoul bits down on his knuckles to keep himself quiet, this was too good of an opportunity to ruin.

"Beetlejuice..... so good.... ah" you mumbled thrashing a bit harder, god slash satan did beetlejuice want to grind his cock into your ass, but he was already pushing his luck as it was with his hand on you crotch.

"Feels good doesnt it sweetheart? You like it dont you? Naughty little thing~" he whispered, he knew you liked him, he's herd it straight from your mouth, the few times he's watched you touch yourself, you spelled it out nice and clear, that being said he knew you were a coward with your feelings, that was fine for now, he could wait till you were good and ready to admit it yourself, but until that glorious day, beetlejuice didnt mind taking what satisfaction he could get from you.

This, right now, having you moan and buck from his touch alone, having you grind that cute ass against his cock was like heaven, or as close as a born dead demon was gonna get.

"Come on y/n, I know your close~ how bout you cum for your old pal mr beebleboose?~ cum for me sugar, give me all you got~" he purred stroking you folds with a bit more friction along the crotch of your panties, which were now delightfully wet, what beetlejuice would give to stick that delicious garment in his mouth, the thought alone made him drool.

"AH!" You moan out, buck your hips in a clumsy rhythm "beetlejuice...." you softly whisper as your movement slows to a stop and your heavy breathing slowly dies down to a more calming pace.

The demon smiles to himself, proud of what he did, more importantly feeling smug about how you said his name when you came.

"Was it good sugar? Did daddy make you feel good?~" he cooed "pleasant dreams babes" the ghoul whispered placing a gentle kiss on your head, you mumble something unintelligible, beetlejuice couldnt help but smile.

But now to a more pressing matter, you might have already came, but BJ, not yet, the demon slips away from your sleeping form. "You know how I am a gentleman sugar, I couldnt possibly jerk off in your bed with you there twice in one week" he chuckles. The ghoul glances around the room for something to help him out, a new cum rag for the collection, beetlejuice had no issue seeing in the dark, and went straight to your laundry basket, pulling out a freshly wore pair of black panties. He holds the cloth to his face, inhaling your delightful scent, then it hits him, his hand, the hand that ever so gently jerked you off, this was gonna be real good, he hummed to himself strolling out to the living room where he could get away with making alittle noise.

Bonus

Your phones buzzes, 10am

you groan reaching for the device.

"Good morning sweetheart" beetlejuice pulls you back into an embrace, weirdly giddy this morning "did ya sleep well? Have any pleasant dreams?~" he cooed

You knit your eyebrows together, were you talking in you sleep?

"I guess? I dont really remember" you mumble.

Beetlejuice gives you a big toothy grin in response

"Well doll, you were moaning out my name last night begging me to fuck you~" he laughs

You punch him in the shoulder, yeah you did feel tingly between the legs, but he had to be joking "I did not you ass"

The ghoul continues to laugh as you slip away to start your day. The dense ones were always the best in his opinion.

[toxicpineapple]

Please give me your amami essay, I'd like to know the TEA! I was also gonna ask for the mastermind essay, but honestly I REALLY wanna hear your thoughts on his characterization (and your thoughts on his shitty fanon characterization)

HOOO BOY OKAY. this is good, it gives me an excuse to procrastinate on reading that new amasai fic on the latest feed. (note that i REALLY WANT TO READ IT, i’m just anticipating commenting and tbh the spoons,,, i lack them. it’s okay though i’ll get over it.)

so!!! let’s start with general attitude, because i think that amami’s is really unique. he’s a subversive character. in general i feel like that was the biggest goal with his character design and personality combination-- he looks like a total playboy, kaede even comments as much moooore than once. but he’s the absolute opposite. i’ll rant about that in a bit. i’ve already gone off on a tangent and i said i was gonna talk about attitude.

amami is laid back, but not to the point of complacency. y’know what i mean? like, he’s relaxed, but he’s on his guard, too. his speaking style is pretty casual (typically he’ll greet people with a “hey,” whenever he’s slightly uncomfortable he’ll probably say “haha”... this isn’t necessarily a canon thing but i like it when people have him talking in sentence fragments. ex. “forgot to grab my jacket” or “wanted to get a snack” sort of thing) and that’s just,,, the type of person he is. he’s casual. it’s remarkable considering how wealthy amami is-- though bear in mind, he still IS wealthy, so there are bound to be things he doesn’t understand about people-- that he can be so normal and like, down to earth, in a way. when people mess around with him he’ll probably just laugh it off.

to cite a fic i read once that had REALLY phenomenal characterisation, imo, ouma ends up dumping a bucket of water on amami’s head (on accident; there are some semantics and i won’t get into it but again the fic is really good and funny and you should totally read it) and amami just squeezes out his shirt and makes a couple cracks before walking away. (sorry this isn’t meant to be a “dumping love on fics�� post but GOD that fic is hysterical.) he’s an enabler too, at least i think so-- remember that anthology chapter where kaede, shuichi, and kaito are trying to catch ouma and kaito sets an “amami trap” to stop him? all ouma has to do is flutter his eyelashes and go “pleeeaaase let me go amam~niichan!” and then he just. he does. what a fucking doormat i can’t believe him.

he’s like that though. i feel like big brother stuff is kind of his weakness. (and not in a kinky way alright i will destroy you. he might make a joke about having a sister complex in one of his ftes but he DOESNT that joke was just tasteless COME ON RANTARO WHFKLDSJFK) which brings me to his whole older brother thing, because like,,, YEAH. guy grew up with twelve younger sisters!!! and he remarked in his ftes with shuichi that they’re mostly step sisters, which means he just.... has a nurturing personality. i mean amami is somewhat conservative (if you try to come on to him during salmon mode you will be brutally rebuffed; amami tells u to keep your horny thoughts to yourself, though you shouldn’t be ashamed of having them) so i imagine he’s not the biggest fan of his father’s tendencies-- not that i don’t NECESSARILY interpret his father’s behaviour as him sleeping around.... it’s possible he just likes children and deliberately marries women who already have kids so he can take them... i mean it’s exceedingly decent to keep considering ur step children to be your children after a divorce so i have a hard time reconciling this common image of rantaro’s dad as some kind of player figure with the impression i got of him in my head but that’s just my daddy issues coming into play again so ignore me-- and yet he still considers all his sisters to be his sisters.

not to mention he feels a great deal of like, responsibility, when it comes to taking care of them. i find it impossible to believe that all the losses were his fault. you could ARGUE that the one he tells you about with his younger sister was to be blamed on him? but i mean, amami is a child. he didn’t even know his sister was following him out. sure he blames himself for it but there’s no real good way to blame him just considering that,,, he’s a kid. and he was so young-- he was obviously so young-- when it happened. so like, not to be all Good and Bad on you, but i do feel that amami is fundamentally a good reason. and you SEE that too, in the killing game. i’m certain he was on the fence about trusting that note he woke up with. would you trust it? he had no memory whatsoever of writing it, all he had were the words “ultimate hunt” and a map of the school to guide his way. i imagine he wasn’t even sure if he should do what the note said. but then ryoma started talking about sacrificing himself for everyone else, and rantaro probably thought, “well... if i have a way to get us out of here, even if it doesn’t work, i can’t just let ryoma sacrifice himself without having tried.”

rantaro is self-reliant too, i think. in the talent development plan mukuro remarks that she noticed he was injured a good number of times, but never said anything about it because she felt like he was trying to keep it under wraps. (note: good idea for an amami and mukuro friendship fic. must write. someone remind me.) i think amami kind of feels isolated from his classmates? either because he has these perceived notions of like, independence and whatever, not burdening anybody else with his problems (honestly not to go chabashira on main but wtf men ask for help c’mon i promise if you find a person who’s worth being in ur life they won’t treat you like shit for feeling ur feelings) or just because he’s not around a lot. i think amami is the type of person to invalidate his own problems a lot, or at least downplay them to others. he blames himself for all his sisters going missing, took the responsibility to find them all. you know the blow that’s going to be to his education? traveling around the world looking for twelve different people? and he plans to keep doing that!!! forever!!! ugh ;-; poor babey. but anyway i feel like he doesn’t want to tell anybody about his problems because he feels like it’s his thing to deal with.

i also believe that rantaro is a bit prideful. i mean, anyone can be prideful under the correct circumstances, and in fact there is a great deal of pride that simply isn’t addressed by the fandom in analysing characters and that makes me really sad because pride is such a SEXY character flaw but i’ll leave that alone for now. he hates being told to give up on what he’s doing. i mean everyone in his life has been telling him to stop looking for his sisters. that’s got to suck, but also, DAMN look at what his reaction was. this utter refusal to open up to anybody. shuichi’s ftes with him are spent pretty much just trying to get amami to stop squirreling around and actually TALK to him. amami asks shuichi at one point if he has any siblings and when the response is negative, amami immediately assumes that shuichi wouldn’t understand, would tell him to quit. just like everyone else.

(i mean, even with kiyo and mukuro, whose circumstances mirror his almost painfully at least in willingness to sacrifice stuff for their siblings, he doesn’t tell them what he’s doing, just that he’s doing it for his sister-- singular-- and that he would do anything for her. kiyo and mukuro!! out of ANYBODY, they would understand. in tdp they DO talk about it-- kiyo encourages him to keep searching-- as his friend...... fuck amaguji is such a good ship even if the implications of kiyo saying he wants to meet rantaro’s sister after he finds her bc she must be suuuuch a good person if he’s doing all this for her are uhhh not great-- and mukuro immediately understands when he says it’s to do with his younger sister. like, full stop. she just goes “okay” and goes serious. all at once. damn rantaro, mukuro, and kiyo really do be a power trio huh. i need to write more fic about them i miss them.)

this is more into baseless conjecture so take this as you will, but i also think rantaro is kind of,,, easily distracted lmao. he mentions helping out a village with a disease-- been a while since i’ve seen his ftes, sorry for any inconsistencies-- among other shit and like... bro what are you DOING. you have sisters to find. and he can’t be getting injured all the time, getting wrapped up with gang violence and all that, looking for people who were lost traveling. i mean sure, you could say they went all over the world and got wrapped up in all sorts of mess, but more likely they stayed in roughly the same area, waiting for him to come back. and also? i have a hard time believing his sisters were lost in these remote forest places people always put them. COME ON, who the fuck goes to some village for a vacation? a RICH person no less. i’m on another tangent. sorry. but yeah, i love the people who write rantaro as an absolute airhead. i headcanon that he has no way of judging the passing of time and thus is the absolute worst in the bathroom bc he sits there for twenty minutes thinking about the universe and then walks out like “:) ok ready to go” like wtf are you even doing there stupid akljdf anyway.

i think rantaro is softhearted and thoughtful. in his ftes with kaede he demonstrates an ability to look past what people show at surface level-- you can ask him about miu, kiibo, or kiyo and he’ll give u Good Fucking Insight(tm)-- and analyse their intentions more closely. and i mean this is just from a couple day’s interaction. he’s down to earth for sure, understanding when people are intimidated but also caring and observant. (his “talk about a first impression” line is so fuckaindgf.... good for his characterisation. i love romantic amamatsu but he so clearly takes an older brother role in those ftes, he’s really such a sweetheart,,,, hnadhfkj ;w;) rantaro is just. he’s patient with people. and selfless and kind. idk it’s all the good stuff. warm smiles and indulgence. all the way. probably lets kokichi steal his lunch.

THAT BEING SAID: i think rantaro also has a very serious streak. he doesn’t show it a lot but there are moments. he’s self-sacrificing-- i mean, obviously. he was the ultimate survivor, after all. some people hc that he got there by killing, or maybe everyone else in his game died but one person, but bro that doesn’t make any sense???? no. what happened was there were probably like three people left, and monokuma was like “one has to be sacrificed” and rantaro thought, welp. it’ll be me then. and i wouldn’t say the choice would be immediate because rantaro DOES has self preservation instincts-- he’s only human-- but i don’t think he’d have let anybody else make that decision. i think ultimately he would try to protect other people.

he can be scarily confrontational too. i do believe he’d usually only do it in the defense of others-- like, his base instinct is to protect. i read a fic once (oumami, unfortunately) where ouma was committing crimes and went to hide behind rantaro and rantaro instinctively moved to protect him, and that’s.... that’s good characterisation. point one to the oumami stans, point zero to me. motherfucker. (love u oumami stans, it’s just not my thing.) i really like it in fics when he’s stern, lecturing people for hurting other people, but i also think rantaro is too understanding to be truly unforgiving. like if two people got into an argument and one came out of it more hurt than the other, i don’t believe that amami would be unsympathetic to the less hurt one. i think he’s mature enough to take a look at the situation and go, well, okay.

i think he’d be TERRIFYING when angry. he’s patient, y’know? so it takes a lot to get him to that point. he’s really, ah, accommodating of people. puts up with a lot of bs kind of thing. but i imagine the best way to get him to snap is by hurting someone he cares about. and at that point: ur fucked. i’ve never written it before because i’m terrified of what i’d do with that kind of power but.... imagine the shuichi whump. holy god.

i’m NOT here to talk about shuichi whump (though i’m down to do that any time of day believe me) so i’m gonna like. shhhhiiiiiiffft.

i project on characters a lot so at this point it’s difficult to distinguish if some of my characterisation things are like, actually characterisation things? or just me venting, so like, take nothing i say as canon, but also,,, akdsjf we love a man who bottles up his emotions.

because rantaro just doesn’t have the TIME to be crying all over the place. he was probably a total wreck when he lost his first sister. and his second. and maybe even his third. but then he started to gather his composure, more and more. because if there’s anything that rantaro has in excess, it’s composure. the more losses he suffers the more of a shield he builds up. and the self hatred and the guilt and the blame and the responsibility are piling up and up and up, but god he hates it when other people see him sad, because he needs to be the strong one, he can’t just pile that up on other people. that’s not their weight to carry, and besides, he’s the older brother, he should be able to deal with his own problems. he’d just be burdening the people he cares about by letting them see his demons.

and then he doesn’t have any coping mechanisms because he never lets himself feel enough to cope, and when people get close enough to actually CARE about him, when people notice he’s upset or struggling and offer him help, he doesn’t know how to deal with it-- and god he hates lashing out at people but it’s so much easier to deal with the consequences of being mean than the consequences of breaking down. only conflict is scary when he’s one of the causes so he needs time to recover, and well, what better way to do that than to get on a plane or a boat and go look for his sisters? after all he’s wasting time whenever he’s just sitting around, they’re still out there and he needs to find them, so might as well just keep pushing himself to the limits, because it’s his fault they’re lost anyway...

something mukuro said to rantaro in the talent development plan stuck in my brain. like, initially it’s just a funny and cute interaction (rantaro even blushes and a blushing rantaro is a GOOD FUCKING RANTARO) but when i thought about it more i was like.... huh. hm. angst ideas. mukuro makes a joke about rantaro going over to her stand at the festival to flirt with her-- i think that’s the context, i know it’s play-boy related-- and rantaro assures her (as he always does) that he’s not that kind of guy, and mukuro agrees, saying she was just pulling his leg and that he seems like the kind of person who gets dumped because he doesn’t show his emotions enough. rantaro laughs, blushes, and says “haha, not touching that one,” and akdjfnnnnnn god mukuro you’re so blunt i love you fkdjf but wow. i usually have rantaro as not having dated anyone, just because i feel like he kind of hyperfocuses on finding his sisters? and given that he’s like sixteen (seventeen at the MOST) there’s not much of a timeline for when his sisters got lost. in my fic search i had to cram all the losses into a four-year period and damn that was rough. anyway i just don’t think he’d really prioritise romance. but that reaction implies that that’s EXACTLY his experience with romance, which makes a bit of sense because mukuro is ridiculously sharp, and also it’s,, it’s just sad idk poor rantaro. getting dumped because he’s like the emotional equivalent of a doorknob when it comes to his own feelings.

i do think rantaro is a bit cowardly. not in the sense that he’d shy away from danger-- i think he’d RUSH INTO IT HEAD FIRST because he’s a man or whatever, i know he respects women but he does seem to hold some of those very stereotypically masculine ideals of constantly protecting those around him, which is like.... ok toxic masculinity mcgee can u and kaito stop throwing hands every time u see each other ty-- but more in the sense that he avoids,,, confrontation. emotional confrontation just ain’t his thing. and i think he’d rather run away from it or otherwise find some way of ignoring it than try to address his problems.

he would, with that in mind, probably try to associate with people who don’t push the matter. kiyo and mukuro, for example. they both have a fair amount of baggage themselves so they’d probably be respectful. ryoma is lowkey enough that he just, he wouldn’t bring that shit up, that’s uncool. i also think rantaro would get along REALLY WELL with kaito, and i actually don’t think kaito would pull his sidekick stuff with him? just because in a way they’re kind of kindred spirits, and i think kaito would see an ally in rantaro before seeing someone to try to nurture, so they’d probably have some kind of a truce like, if you don’t force me to be vulnerable, i won’t force you. one of the reasons why i love amamota so much is because it involves the two of them growing to care about each other beyond that sort of unhealthy camaraderie and breaking down each other’s barriers and i just..... hhnnfhhdkfj they could be so good for each other but nobody wants to talk about thatjslfkj

you weren’t asking for my amamota mess lmao sorry anon i get sidetracked SO easily. but yeah, amami gravitates towards people who wouldn’t try to get him to be more honest with himself. and i honestly think the v3 cast would be pretty good about that overall, except for shuichi who is a detective and has a habit of sticking his nose in places it shouldn’t be, but i see no reason to write that out because amami’s ftes already display that beautifully. (well, that’s a lie, i’m absolutely plotting out a slowburn in my head already that involves shuichi stripping down his walls one by one, but forget about all of that rn we don’t need to talk about why amasaimota is my ot3.) also he is softer on childish people like ouma and himiko. ain’t nobody wants to TALK TO ME about how brilliant it would be if rantaro and hiyoko were friends because hiyoko has such problems in that department and he would take one look at her and go hm. i’m adopting her. and he’s so fucking patient and nice and she’d lose the will to make fun of him and i have to do ALL THE GODDAMN WORK AROUND HERE but it’s fine. at least i get to write it.

i’ve described the fundamentals of his characterisation pretty well by now i think. i have some throwaway headcanons, like uhh,,

he’s claustrophobic

plays the guitar and the ukulele

he prefers warm weather and perishes in the cold

high pain tolerance

he’s a Good Cook

doesn’t like sex jokes (they make him uncomfortable)

asexual (i do like a good demisexual hc at all times of day tho)

master of piggyback rides

does his own piercings

impulsive as hell

gets lost easily but can always find his way back

has a lot of scars from travels

hands are rough and calloused (again from travels)

morning person

smells like evergreen (you know i had to, you know i did)

Radiates Heat Like A Fucking Toaster Oven

good hugs

hates tying his shoelaces

likes being the big spoon :)

has a tongue piercing

i said “some throwaway headcanons” but i ended up listing way more than i mean to. i’ll make a separate list of my rantaro headcanons someday and talk about them all in detail but for now, uh, there’s that.

SO AS FOR THE RANTARO CHARACTERISATIONS I ABSOLUTELY DESPISE:

god where to fucking begin. actually i know exactly where to begin. it’s my least favourite one just because, like i said at the very beginning, rantaro is a subversive character. i mean i think he’s kind of a low hanging fruit when it comes to that. there are plenty of other subversive characters in the dr series but rantaro is like that. you expect a flirt and u get,,, a sweetheart. but then some people (usually the ones who ship him with female characters exclusively though i will see it on occasion in an amasai or oumami fic) decide to throw that out the window and make him a total playboy!! and listen, i have no problem with people who are a little flirty. we’re kids!! flirt ur heart out!!! and hey, that’s not what this is about but y’know what? so long as everything is safe, sane, and consensual, then yeah!! exercise your sexual freedom and sleep with whoever you want to!!! i don’t think there’s anything wrong with messing around a little, dating who u wanna and experimenting with ur tastes and preferences. if rantaro WAS a playboy, then there would be nothing wrong with that. i would love him just the same because he’s such a fundamentally GOOD character.

except that.... he’s.......... NOT. you slaughter one of the biggest aspects of his character by throwing away what matters to him and making him some hunky-deep-voice-dreamboat dude meant to sweep kaede/tsumugi/whomsteverthefuck off her feet. rantaro is one of those characters where he’s so blatantly not that kind of person, and it’s like. it’s an affront, almost, to portray him that way? and i do believe you should have the freedom to write what you want, since we’re in that age (aside from romanticised pedophilia and incest; that shit ain’t cute, i say this often but pro-ship DNI) where u should be able to take some liberties, but it’s just. hnnn. it’s so frustrating. rantaro does not know how to smolder! if he DID smolder, he wouldn’t even realise he was doing it. he doesn’t have people lying at his feet, okay? he’s too flaky for that. i wouldn’t say he’s unreliable but he definitely ain’t at school as much as he should be.

another one that i hate: st-stalker? what the fuck? that is not sexy that is creepy and weird?

another another one that i hate: yandere? what the FUCK??? that is not sexy that is glorified ABUSE???? the yandere trope is AWFUL bc you’re taking a controlling relationship and turning it into a fetish. NO. if he limits ur contact with other people, if he follows u everywhere, if he threatens ur loved ones, if he tries to control you, ladies and gents and nonbinaries, he’s not a yandere, he’s an abuser and you need a fucking restraining order. actually, people of ANY gender or sex can perpetuate this behaviour and IT IS NOT CUTE. I DO NOT GIVE A FUCK WHAT BOUNDARIES U SET IN PLACE, IF YOUR FREEDOM IS BEING RESTRICTED THAT IS ABUSE.

hate it when people make rantaro violent. hate it when people make rantaro a murderer. hate it when people make rantaro controlling. hate it when people make rantaro overtly sexual. some kind of sultry deep voice dominant kind of figure. dude, what the fuck? i don’t,, want to make any public comments about sex positions because i think that’s kind of Strange to just talk about on a post, but i do think that the way people portray him for their smuts is,,, idk it’s weird. i’m not gonna kinkshame u but like. :eyes:

i will however accept rantaro as a thrillseeker, or a highstrung rich boy, or a total space cadet, or a himbo, or a cryptid. these are all very good interpretations of the Mans. just, like. be wary of making him two dimensional. a good character is multifaceted. if you can take a trait that clashes with all of these and SELL ME ON IT, i will buy it. if u give me good justifications, or even just good writing?? then i will accept it.

the long and the short of it is, anon, he’s my favourite so i think about him a lot. i love writing rantaro. he’s just, he’s a Guy. y’know? He’s A Good Dude, If You’ll Give Him A Shot. :) we don’t get to see very much of him but i think that there’s plenty of material if you overanalyse everything, which, as you probably all know by now,,,, i absolutely do.

thank you for the ask, this was a delight to spend an hour talking about.

[shadedrose01]

Teddy Bear Blues

Ship: Parkner (Harley Keener/Peter Parker)

Summary: Harley is grieving on the one year anniversary of his mother's death. Peter makes him a gift to help him feel better.

Tags: Febufluff, Day 16, teddy bear, Grief/Mourning, Mourning, Loss, Mentions of violence/character death but it's pretty vague, Harleys mom died, And hes grieving, Harley Keener Needs a Hug, Sad Harley Keener, peter Parker is a good boyfriend, and tries his best to help, Tony is here too, but barely, Established Relationship, Love

Day 16 of Febufluff: "Teddy Bear"! (From the romantic/ original list)

Note: read the tags. This fic deals with grief, and the aftermath of the loss of a loved one. It isnt extremely detailed, but it's in the majority of this fic. If that's not your speed, or if that hits a little too close to home, then please don't read. Be safe, take care, I love you all ❤

--

It happens gradually, as grief usually does. It starts with Harley going out less, making more excuses as to why he has to stay home, whether it be homework or studying, or that he's "just tired" and needs to rest. Then, it's losing energy, losing interest in things he used to love, not getting as excited at the idea of a new game being announced, not enjoying the annual movie/board game nights with the Avengers as he used to, not making snarky responses and witty one liners, not seeming as upbeat, as happy as he used to.

And now, Peter notes as he watches Harley swirl around his cereal with his spoon, head bowed, bags under his eyes and an expressionless, tired look on his face, its lack of appetite, and lack of sleep. Of feeling hungry, but not being able to stomach more than a few bites. Of not having nightmares, of being tired, exhausted even, and still not being able to fall asleep.

He had been doing much better with the sadness, with the overwhelming grief these past few months, had almost gotten back to being himself again, before this new milestone had hit, sucking all of the life right back out of him and leaving him as a quiet, lifeless corpse. The first year. The first anniversary of his mother's death, of her being gone from his life. Peter remembers it well, remembers how he felt with his parents, with Uncle Ben, and feels a pang almost like a knife carve into his chest, into his heart, wonders what he can do to ease the terrible ache he knows Harley is feeling.

He knows there isnt much he can do, besides be there by his side and comfort him however he can, but that doesn't feel like enough. He can't just sit there and watch his boyfriend recluse into himself and be in all this pain without doing anything, without doing more.

So, once Harley finally gives up, pushing away his bowl and mumbling about getting ready for school, walking back to his room with his shoulders slumped, head down, looking so unbelievably sad that it makes Peter's heart break, he starts to think. Thinks back to the first year after Ben, what he felt, what he wanted. Remembers laying in bed all day, sobbing his eyes out, feeling so unbelievably guilting, just wanting him back. Wanting to smell his smell, feel his hugs, his kisses, wanting to hear his voice one last time...

Wait. Peter sits up straight, eyes widening as an idea sparks in his mind. Maybe, maybe he could work with that. He shoots out of the chair, heading straight to the lab. He remembers a while ago, when working in the lab, Harley randomly mentioned that he kept a few home videos in there, in the closet, and watched them occasionally on the good days, on reminiscence on the good times his family had before everything happened. And he remembers one day, a few months after him and Harley started dating, when he got the honor to watch one with Harley, remembers the stereotypical baby in the bathtub video, remembers Harleys adorably chubby cheeks, remembers what his mom said at the end of the video, right before it clicks off into black.

He searches in the closet, quickly finding the box of tapes before pulling out what he thinks is the right one, before putting into the player he digged out a few minutes earlier. He fast forward through the adorableness, a man on a mission, before playing it at normal speed right at the end, right as Harleys mothers voice, soft and warm and sweet, says the exact words he remembered. Perfect, its perfect. He takes the tape back out of the player, and brings it over to his workstation, already scribbling out a blue print for his idea.

--

Peter wakes up a few days later, feeling uneasy, a heaviness in the air as soon as he opens his eyes. He taps his phone to check the time, and sees the date, sighing long and low. November 16th. A whole year after the death of Macy Keener.

Peter and Harley werent really close when it happened, he had never even meet her, but he definitely remembers the day it happened. When Harley's phone rang out during their class, and he answered it with a grin, thinking nothing of it. When the grin fell off his face, slipping into shock, horrific shock and fear and agony, when tears filled and pooled over his eyes, ran down his cheeks. When he had placed a hand over his mouth and sobbed loudly, the horrible, awful, heartbreaking sound echoing in the classroom, the other students going silent as he ran out, Peter calling his name and running after him, worried sick. When Harley had babbled and cried and screeched into his shoulder, telling him that his mama had gotten into a bad car accident, that she had died, that "She's gone, Peter, she's gone, oh God-". When Tony had picked them both up, looking older than he had in a long, long time.

Peter shakes his thoughts away, trying to focus on the here and the now. He needs to be strong today, for Harley. He takes a deep breath, and forces himself out to bed, throwing on a random pair of pjs and a shirt, knowing that they arent going to be going anywhere today. He then makes his way to the kitchen, unsurprisingly seeing Mr. Stark making breakfast, flipping chocolate chip pancakes (Harley's favorite) before his gaze lands on the boy in question, his heart dropping when he does.

Harley is upright, sitting at one of the stoods at the island of the kitchen, but hes hunched over as if staying upright is just too much work, as if he has the world's weight on his shoulders, his hair a mess and his stormy sea eyes lined with red, blank, staring off into oblivion, cheeks already tear stained.

Peter let's out another soft sigh at the pitiful sight, sharing a sympathetic glance with Mr. Stark before walking quietly to his boyfriend, running a tender hand his tense back and shoulders, hugging him from behind and kissing the top of his bowed head, lingering, hopefully comforting. "Good morning, baby." He whispers into Harley's hair, rubbing his shoulders in firm, soothing circles, easing out the knots forming in his back.

"Morning." Is the soft, shaky response, Harley's voice drained of emotion, filled with exhaustion, with ache and loss. Tony looks surprised, like that's the first time Harley's spoken today. It probably was.

Peter places his chin on the top of his boyfriend's head, continuing his comforting motions as he murmurs gently "How are you feeling, love?"

He feels Harley swallow, before he's shaking his head and ducking out of Peter's grasp, putting his forehead against the granite and practically curling into a ball, looking smaller than he ever has as his entire body shutters with a silent sob. Peter blinks the tears out of his own eyes, before gently pulling the crumbling boy into his arms, placing his face into the crook of his neck and his arms around his waist, around his back. "Its okay, let it out, baby, its okay." He whispers over and over as he runs a hand up and down his back, as he feels a wet patch growing on his shirt collars, as Harley's sobs grow from silent to agonizingly loud, from sniffles and hicks, whimpers and wails, his body shuttering from the intensity of it all.

After a while, too long for Peter to keep count, the boy settles back down a bit, but doesnt let go, doesn't pull away, burying his face further into Peter's chest as he mumbles, voice thick with mucus, heavy with pain, "I miss her so much."

"I know, sweetheart, I know." Peter presses another light kiss to Harleys temple, squeezing his body as another shutter runs through him.

Harley's breath hicks, his eyes squeezing closed, another stray tear running down his face. "Does it ever get better? Does it ever- ever go away?"

Peter glances back up at Tony, who's dark brown eyes are sad, cloudy, full of empathy. "It does." The man says quietly, seriously. "The grief, the pain, it fades over time. You'll always feel it a bit, in your heart, but it does get better."

Peter nods to reaffirm his point, leaning the side of his head against Harleys. "The pain, the loss goes away, but the memories, the love, those don't. They always stay, right here," he presses a hand gently to Harleys chest, "and here." And then to his head, running his hand into the ryestalk strands, curling them around his fingers. "She'll always be with you, Harley. Always. And..." Peter swallows, suddenly feeling nervous, wondering if this was a good idea after all. "I got you something to help."

Harley pulls his head away and looks up at him, eyebrows furrowed slightly and blotchy face scrunched up in confusion. "You got me something?"

"Mhm," he nods again, easing Harley off of him and back into his chair as he stands, "wait here." He rushes back to his room, grabbing the gift he had finished last night. He runs a thumb over the soft brown plush of the teddy bear's belly, where the speaker was hidden, feeling nerves swirling up inside him. He just hopes that Harley likes it, and that it doesnt backfire, and make everything so much worse.

He carries it gently as he walks back to the kitchen, holding out to a now even more bewildered Harley. But theres a twitch of a smile on his lips, so he isn't against it yet, gazing at Peter curiously. "Squeeze it." Peter says simply, fidgeting with the stray strings on the ends of his shirt, praying this ends well.

Harley does as he's told, squeezing the bear in his hands, and immediately bursts into tears again when the soft voice of his mother comes through the speaker, full of an unspeakable, unbreakable love that only a mother could give, "I love you, sugarbear. I always will."

Peter panics, thinking the worst, starting to speak up with an "I'm- I'm sorry-" before he gets cut off by the boy rushing into his arms, hugging him tightly with a loud sob and a "thank you, thank you so much, I love you so- so much". Peter feels relief roll over him in waves, he didnt mess it up thank god, and hugs him back tightly, pressing another kiss to his boyfriend wet cheek and mumbling into his ear, soft and full of adoration, "I love you too. More than you'll ever know."

Things may not be truly okay, truly alright with Harley right now. They might not be for a long, long time, but that's fine. Because Peter will be here, by Harley's side, holding him close, kissing away his sorrow, for as long as he can. As long as Harley allows it, Peter will be by his side, no matter what.

[eremika-forever12]

|| Eremika Fanfic: Remember Me!? ||

This is basically continuation from Manga plot with some changes ....you will get to know as story progresses! Do read, share & comment!

Chapter : 1

Just like any day....the sun rose from East making the whole city glow from its heat!

Just like every day everyone is back to their own chores !

Since that day of the new history of Shinganshina or to be more accurate the new Paradis....where there is no more walls, no more eldians & marliyans hatred....it was more like a new Era....Everything has just changed!

People know more about the truth with No Memory Loss....No Misconception Of Titans & Their Existence....Cause Titans Are Just A History Now Which Kids In Their Schools Learn About Their Past Existance!

6 Years....

6 Years Since He Disappeared....Vanished Just Into The Thin Air Just Like That! Leaving her alone once again in this Cruel World! He is known as humanity's Biggest Enemy Now....Who was once recognised as Humanity's Only Hope! But Something Tells Her....His Decision Changed The Whole Prespective! He Actually Changed This World....United Them To Fight Against Him! Sacrificed Himself....For The Cause Of His Own People! No Matter In Which Way But He Succeeded...Even If It Is By Being Cold Hearted Mass Murderer....She knows he was The Saviour, He Was No Monster!

But.....The Sad Part Is He Just Disappeared Like That 6 Years Back After That Rumbling Ended!

No One Noticed Him Since Then Nor His Giantic Titanic Body!

Did he deceive her all again? After making her that promise of returning back alive....wrapping around her that piece of cloth...before going for that final battle against everyone....Did he just die like that after doing so much....not even once meeting her again! Is he actually dead? Where is he? Where is Eren Yeager?

Just like any day....Mikasa starts her day thinking about him....just when her thoughts broke off hearing the powerful scream of her son....shrieking the hell out of her!

“ MOOMMM “

“Ahhh....Heyyy....” says Mikasa shocked watching that little guy running to her hurriedly with a backpack in his hand.

“ MOMMMM! GETTT ME MY FOOD HURRY! I GOTTA BE LATE FOR MY SCHOOL IF YOU JUST KEEP ON SITTING LIKE THAT! I AM HUNGRY” says the little guy with his loud voice.

“ Hush! Cant you speak a bit normally? I mean whats with all these shouting! I am not deaf!” scowls Mikasa as she gets up from the dining table.

The boy simply shrugs- Look Mom! I have no time for this....Alright! I am HUNGGRRYYY!

Ah that pout....thinks Mikasa....his cute little pout always makes her heart melt....and those Green eyes...it just reminds her of him! Thinking about him makes her Sad again!

Mikasa brings a plate full of noodles as she pushes it slightly towards the little devil on the other side of dining table.

The little guy hungrily takes the spoon out of it as he starts rolling the strands of noodles in it....and hurriedly stuffs them in his mouth.

Mikasa stares at her little boy silently observing his every features....his antics were just completely like his dad. Mikasa sighs....only if he was here! Suddenly her eyes fell on a small bruise on his forhead...Mikasa frowned....

When did he got that! Damn....did he just again fight with someone in his school yesterday!

This boy will surely make her crazy....

Mikasa glares at the green eyed little boy who was busy in gulping down his glass of water without noticing his mother's furious glare!

Mikasa in serious tone- Eli.....Look at me!

Eli looks at his mother in confusion as he stops munching his food for a moment...

Eli mumbling – Yes Mom!

Mikasa scowls- What is with that scar on your head!

Eli gasps in shock as he looks else where but not in her eyes....he surely tried to hide that thing by bringing his most of the black hair upto his forehead so that his mother wont notice that scar!

Eli nervously while fidgeting a little as he speaks in his child like voice- Errmm...Its nothing...actually...I fell on the way while returning to home so I guess Got hurt a little!

Mikasa glares- Eli...Shut up! Dont dare you lie to me! Since you got admitted to the school...I have been receiving lots of complain due to your rude behaviour towards children! So dont give me that crap! Did you fight again with someone?

Eli glares back at his mother as he says raising his voice- Rude behaviour? I am not Rude! Its not my fault if those kids of my class bumps into me intentionally just to tease me ! I am not gonna keep my mouth shut if they taunts me by calling me Monster Baby! I am gonna punch their freaking ugly face for calling me that! I had enough of it! I am not weak or Something....

Mikasa scolds him as she raises her voice- Eli! Stop it! If they taunts you....its not necessary for you to reply them back! Stop being impulsive! You cant just beat up people if they tell you something! Learn to control yourself!

Eli tries to defend himself- But...

Mikasa holds his shoulders softly- Eli listen to me!

As Eli stares with his big green eyes, Mikasa with broken voice tells him- Punching someone or beating someone wont prove you strong! I know how it feels but you gonna get adjusted to this! You dont need to start a fight with someone if they say hateful words to you! I know you are strong Eli! But you need to control yourself! Your anger wont do any good....

Eli remains mum as he softly shrugs off his mother's hand....taking his back pack on his back.

Eli calmly- I am done with my breakfast! Bye Mom!

Before Mikasa could say anything, Eli runs out of the house way to his school while Mikasa just whispers watching him running away- Bye! Just dont fall into any trouble Eli! You are the only one I have! I have lost everything in my life....I dont want to loose you!

Mikasa stares at sky scattered with clouds and the sun rays with birds flying...

Mikasa murmers as lone tear escapes from her eyes- Eren....I Wish You Were Here!

***********

Eli has been walking merrily along the way towards his school when he hears someone calling him from behind....

Eli turns around and squeals in happiness seeing the blonde hair guy with that scout uniform- Uncle Arlert!

The blond guy walks hurriedly towards him as he laughs- Its Armin!

Eli rolls eyes- oh yeah its the same thing! Arlert is also your name anyways!

Armin giggle- oh well young man ! Off to school ha? Come I will take you there!

Eli with his head high- No need! I can walk to my school myself!

Armin nods his head gently- ofcourse you can! But I have to make sure you dont fall in any trouble you know....or else your mom will be worried!

Eli frowns as he chirps in his child voice- Wait Mom asked you to follow me!

Armin nods in negetive as he nervously says- No No....Not that lately she is being really worried about you! So I thought to have a check on you....

Eli yells angrily- Heyyyy! What the hell is wrong with everyone damn it! I am not a toddler or something! I dont need anyone! I can look out for myself! I am freaking 5 years! Leave me Alone uncle Arlert ! You have your own daughter....Just look after that pathetic princess of Yours!

Saying this....Eli ran off hurriedly before Armin could follow him any further.

Armin was shocked by his reaction! He wasnt expecting such outburst! He was not told by Mikasa to follow him....he just did it cause he felt he had some responsibility towards his best friend's son after what just happened a week back in his school!

But today this out burst....he just completely reminded of HIM!

It wasnt for first time....Eli was like this anyways since he was born....stubborn & pure brat with that pathetic anger of him but he usually doesnt talk like this with him....he is really fond of his uncle Arlert & his only friend Alina Arlert....his & Annie ‘s daughter! Yes They are no more titan shifters now! That power & the curse got ended 6 years back immediately after the rumbling! They were all normal now....

Alina is 4 now....a year younger than Eli...She still didnt get admission in school yet , most probably after she turns 5....she will also start going to school and accompany Eli too...

But well right now Armin is concerned about Eli sudden outburst....did he get into an argument with Mikasa again in morning! He seemed really pissed off hearing his mother’s name!

He needs to talk to Mikasa right now....

***********

Eli was breathing heavily as he stops mid way & looks back....damn his little legs are paining now! He just ran a marathon to escape from Armin.

Aaahhh He hates just being lectured every damn time! Nobody just understands him & his point of view! His mom only thinks him of as some brat who doesnt listen to her or something! What she doesnt understand is....Eli is just tired of this daily bully of him in school by calling him some monster's child, Titan baby, illegitimate kid etc etc ! When he tries to explain this to his mom....all she tells him to not react to them! Like how the hell....why wont he react to those carzy bunch of people who simply insults him! Eli's anger just rose thinking about all these! He realises...he just ran off bit too far from his school....in some empty area with less people walking around! The area has some broken houses all around....people dont live here now much! Duh he is in no mood to walk back to his school....missing a day at school wont be any harm ,thinks Eli.

He just notices a bench a bit far.....and walks towards it & sit down!

He wants to be alone from his mother's scoldings and lectures! Eli always wondered why he didnt have a father like every other kid! He has been numerous times taunted about this by some adults in their neighbours! They simply call him Titan Baby & he hate that Word Titan! He doesnt really know what are those but once he heard some students in school talking about it....Titans were some bad ugly creatures who used to be on this land some years back! And Eli understood he was simply called those ugly creature's kid....

Once he dared to ask his mother about his own dad....but didnt get any answer from her instead he made her sad for some unknown reasons. He hates his mom to be sad or to cry! Its true his mom is strict in many ways and over protective too but Eli loves his Mom very much....just only he wishes if only she understood his feelings! Since Eli never questioned his mom about his Dad whom he never met!

Eli was lost in his thoughts as he was swinging his small legs over the bench absent mindedly....when all of a sudden he felt some one was watching him from far....Eli’s eyes travelled up infront of him as he felt alert all of sudden....

He noticed a Silhouette infront of him......on the wall ahead of that old broken house...someone is standing behind HIM!

To be continued.....

Chapter : 2 - click here

[lena-in-a-red-dress]

Runaway Princess, Part 2 of 2

Continued from Part 1

Kara announces herself to the first guardpost she comes across. Watching the young soldiers trip over themselves would almost be comical, if not for the heavy weight pressing against her chest.

She shouldn't have left. Not without saying goodbye. Not with their last words being spoken in anger. But she knows that had she waited, she would have stayed.

The Kingsguard arrives in less than a week to escort her back to the capital and her family, but that’s still six days of waiting, alone with her thoughts, sequestered from the young contingent of guards manning the post.

Six days with nothing to do but replay her last words to Lena, colder and more biting with every loop. Six days of stewing in her regrets and sudden doubts. Six days to convince herself that she presumes too much, to think the fate of an entire kingdom hinges on her presence.

Nobles die frequently, even young ones, and the world still continues without them. She could stay gone, stay with Lena, and remain one of the lost.

But her memories of Thorul remain fresh in her mind, and she can't bring herself to leave again.

When the Kingsguard arrives, Kara surrenders Exeter to the Captain.

"I borrowed this horse off a traveler," she informs him. "Their camp is three days north of here, in a copse of elm trees. Please assign your most trusted man to return him."

The Captain nods. "It will be done, my lady."

While Exeter returns north, Kara travels south with her guard. They travel quickly, and though she catches the impressed whispers of those surprised by her ability to keep up, Kara doesn’t have it in her to gloat. A nervous ball of anxiety roils and swells in her gut the closer they get, and her thoughts remain divided between the fight she'd left behind, and the fight yet to come.

But when she is hurried through the palace gate, Kara doesn't find irate rulers waiting for her, but her mother and father, tearful and overjoyed to see her. Their relief soothes her anxiety, and reaffirms her decision. She’s made the right choice.

Hasn’t she?

Kara later learns that Mon-el has married another in her absence: a Saturnian princess with riches to spare and the patience-- and iron will-- of a saint. With the impetus gone, her parents seem content to allow her to slip back into her role and govern unmarried. Slowly, she takes on more and more responsibility and neither has any complaints as to her performance.

Nor do they protest when Kara sends a missive to Thorul, offering aid and supplies on the condition they cease their war with Mars. The response, when it comes, is a vague yet diplomatic decline.

And through it all, Kara misses Lena.

Her mother seems content to pretend the ordeal never happened, but her father finds Kara late one evening, and asks what she’d experienced on her travels.

Kara's heart twists at the echo of her last words to Lena, and her last glimpse of Lena's face, stricken with hurt.

"Kara?" Zor el asks, hand warm as he reaches for Kara’s hand.

Kara meets her father’s gaze, but pulls away from the comfort he offers. The smile she offers is empty.

"I learned the meaning of kindness."

The Captain's trusted knight returns to the capital with Exeter still in hand. The camp had been deserted, he reports, and despite his best attempts to find a trail to follow, there were none. The traveler was long gone.

The news is the final nail in the coffin encasing her heart. It doesn’t stop the hurt, but makes it permanent, a constant ache she carries with her every moment of every day. It becomes a part of her, and puts to rest the hope of ever seeing Lena again.

When her parents finally broach the subject of marriage again, more than a year after her return, Kara agrees.

Fearful of a repeat escape, her parents insist she choose her own match. They issue the call for suitable matches, but deliver the responses to Kara for review and selection. Kara can hardly bring herself to care. Marrying for love matters little-- she'll never love another the way she loved Lena, and loves still.

But even with the good of her people outweighing the longing in her heart, how can she choose? A Martian match would bring honor and knowledge, but not much else after the long and ongoing war with Thorul.

Or Starhaven for their commerce?

Even Thorul with its vast lands promised resources if their war ever ended.

Kara sits in a sea of paper when her father finally finds her. He clears a seat, and starts leafing through the responses.

"Surely you can find someone suitable from all this."

"They are all suitable." Kara sits back in her seat, defeated. "I am awash in suitability."

Her father pauses, glancing at her in surprise. Before her months away, she’d never been one for melancholy. Now she's steeped with it, and she well knows it.

Still, she doesn't apologize.

"Kara," her father says finally, "you should know that while my marriage to your mother was arranged by our families, we are very much in love."

Kara shrugs. "I'm not concerned with love, Father."

"Then what is your concern?"

"Krypton. All of these suitors would prove a valuable alliance, in their own way. But how can I know which way will be the best for Krypton?"

Her father hums, regarding her carefully. "Do you remember the tale of Thara Ak-Var?”

Kara nods. “She defeated Gann Arkar following his attempted coup, and reclaimed her family’s crown.”

“She also faced a similar crisis, when her counsel called for her to take a husband. She’d hoped to thwart their will by setting her suitors to three impossible tasks. To her dismay, one suitor surpassed every challenge.”

“You mean… the Trials of Nightwing and Flamebird?” Kara scoffs. “You can’t be serious. They haven’t been held in thousands of years!”

“There are some that would prefer a return to tradition. I’ve tasked the royal historians with finding ways to integrate old traditions with our newer ways. The Trials were among them, once the arrangement with Daxam fell through.”

He says it without accusation, as casually as if he discussed nothing but the weather. Kara considers his proposal. “What if no single suitor wins all three tasks?”

Zor el laughs, his mirth warm and contagious enough to pull a tiny smile to Kara’s lips. clasps her hand.

"Then at the very least, my daughter, you will have narrowed the fish in the sea to three."

The historians propose the Trials as three challenges:

The Hunt - All suitors will have the same twenty-four hours to present their hopeful intended with the game of their choice. It symbolizes the perpetual chase of Nightwing after Flamebird, but with a happier ending. The hunters may use any tools but only that which they can carry on their person.

The Pledge - The original Nightwing had been tasked by Rao to perpetually create. Flamebird had been tasked to destroy her creations. To honor Nightwing’s toils, the suitors each pledge a construction to Krypton. It can be of any origin, for any purpose, but must be built on Kryptonian soil, to benefit the Kryptonian crown.

The Duel - Once a fight to the death, the rules have been modified. Only blunted weapons may be used, and the suitors will face off in a tourney, weapon type to be decided by lots, until a single suitor is left standing, and named champion.

Upon completion of the three challenges, Kara-- the intended-- will weigh the value of each gift, and in consideration of their conduct and standing in the tasks, choose her betrothed.

With this in mind, Kara narrows her pool of suitors to six: Mars, Durla, Starhaven, Colu, Terra, and Thorul. As she issues her invitations, Lena's features linger in her mind.

This is for the best, she tells herself. The Trials will honor Krypton's history, and will give her criteria from which to choose.

"This is for the best," Kara says again, as if repeating it will make it any less false.

Preparations take nearly a year, but on the eve of the first challenge, Kara finds her stomach in knots. She receives each of her suitors graciously along with their delegation. Though she has some idea of whom each kingdom has sent to compete for her hand, their faces remain covered per Kryptonian custom. They will compete anonymously, identified only by the royal crests emblazoned on their tunics and armor. They compete for their nation, not themselves.

Kara wonders only for Thorul. She's surprised they accepted in the first place, considering their exchange following her return and the fact there’d been no rumor of the king being in want of a wife. But Thorul presents itself before her with crisp heraldry and a deep bow from the suitor.

Huh. She'd heard the king was taller.

They spend the night feasting, and at dawn the following morning the procession of suitors makes its way to the edge of the forest-- the same forest she'd fled to, with...

No, Kara, she scolds herself. Enough.

At the edge of the wood, the hunters are reminded of the terms for their task: only what tools they carry with them, and in the time between one noon and to the next, they are to return with what game they believe worthy of their intended.

When the horn sounds, all five suitors sprint for the woods.

Their delegations remain, and Kara flits among all of them alongside her parents, doing her best to make new friends and establish a foundation for future alliances regardless of the trials’ outcome.

Starhaven is the first to return, at dawn the following morning, hauling six strings of rabbits. Quantity over quality, Kara notes, seeing a few too small and too young to be considered good game.

Kara thanks them regardless.

"It will feast us well tonight," she offers with a rehearsed smile. "Thank you for your gift."

Terra returns next, dragging a trussed deer behind them. It's large, and bears the wound of a single arrow.

Durla returns with a string of trout, won with patience and keen timing.

Colu returns with... mushrooms. Through their herald, Kara is informed that mushrooms can be more nutritious than animal meat, and these in particular were a rare delicacy.

Kara accepts these too, with similar gratitude-- and a mental note to learn if Coluans were against ingesting all meat, or just wild game.

Mars returns mid-morning, moving slow under the large boar dripping blood across their shoulders. Applause greets them as they carry their kill through the camp-- its defeat is a triumph of both strength and courage.

Thorul is the last to arrive. Just before the herald blows the final horn, a shout at the edge of camp alerts them all to the final suitor’s return. Kara waits as they make their way closer, and as they wind their way through the crowd, she hears a wave of gasps travel across the gathered audience.

When the crowd finally parts, she sees that her suitor is not dragging a carcass at all, but instead leads a live stag with a pelt of pure, snowy white.

Kara can barely tear her eyes from it, with its unnatural blue eyes and the downy antlers atop its head. It seems almost like an illusion, but when she steps forward, it whuffs and tugs agitatedly against the makeshift halter the suitor had fashioned from loops of rope.

No illusion. Just a single, miraculous find. One that-- aside from heaving flanks and patent exhaustion-- is absolutely unharmed.

Kara looks to the suitor, swallowing her shock. "It's beautiful."

The masked face of her suitor stares at her for a long moment, before they look to their herald. The herald listens to the suitor's low words, and conveys them forward to Kara.

"My master understands that it breaks with Kryptonian tradition, but requests the beast not be killed. Instead, they beseech your majesties to allow it to returned to the forest following the evening’s festivities."

Kara nods, agreeing even as her father chimes in. "There is no rule that the game must be slaughtered. No, this animal is more than its meat. It shall return it to its home when we return to ours."

The crowd erupts into applause, and the Thorulian suitor is soon swept away by congratulations and festivities. Kara stays with the stag, and continues to stare.

"I've never even heard stories of such a beast," she whispers to her father.

He nods. "It is a kind heart that values the life of a rarity more than its ownership." He squeezes her shoulder. "Thorul may surprise us yet."

True to their word, when the procession prepares to return to the palace, they release the stag to the wood. It disappears within moments, and Kara issues a quiet prayer to Rao, asking he grant the creature a safe journey home. When she opens her eyes, she finds the Thorulian suitor staring once more from behind the the thin, dark cloth that disguises their features.

They don't approach. They don't speak.

After a long moment, the suitor bows once more before returning to their delegation.

That night is more feasting and celebration. Servants carry platters upon platters of food to their tables, and the wine and mead pour to overflowing. Kara barely tastes any of it. Her thoughts remain with the stag in the forest, and wondering whether Lena ever saw a creature like that.

The next day passes quietly, in both recovery from the night before and preparation for the Trials to come. After the Hunt, however, the Pledge is a placid affair. One by one, each suitor approaches Kara with their herald in tow.

Terra promises a fleet of ships, faster and more agile than any Krypton has seen before.

Mars vows to erect a temple in Rao's honor. Though they honor different gods, Mars respects all deities, and those who peacefully worship them.

Starhaven offers an opulent palace, as lavish as any who have come before it.

Colu pledges a school, and the teachers to fill it, large and grand enough to admit any who wish to attend and learn of science and literature.

Again, Thorul speaks last.

"Thorul pledges a home."

Kara shares a look with her father. "For the newlyweds?" he prompts, attempting to draw out more details.

"No, my lord. For those who have none."

A wave of incredulous murmuring washes through the crowd. The herald continues.

"In honor of the betrothal, the first home will be dedicated to the children of Krypton, those forced to streets by loss or circumstance, those without family living or caring. Then, after the first year, Thorul will pledge a home to any family who cannot afford or are not capable of building one themselves."

Kara's throat tightens. The suitor gazes at her still. She wants to hear their voice, have some clue of their identity. But it's the herald that continues.

"If selected, our suitor knows they will be made to feel at home in Krypton. They only wish to grant the same to all Kryptonian citizens."

Silence follows. When her father nudges her, Kara realizes it is her turn to address the suitors. She stands.

"Thank you for your generous pledges," she tells the suitors. "All will benefit Krypton greatly. I shall weigh them all carefully-- in the meantime, please enjoy this feast, prepared in your honor.”

The crowd cheers, but still Thorul stares.

The third and final challenge welcomes the public to spectate. Crowds upon crowds fill the large stadium constructed just for this task, and soon the air fills with exuberant excitement. Despite its ultimate purpose, the event is a true tourney, and the crowds feast upon their own excitement until they are raucous and loud and boisterous.

Kara's stomach twists in anxious anticipation.

After the tourney, she will make her selection. Without seeing her suitors’ faces, she will choose a match for her kingdom, and the person she would share the rest of her life with. Suddenly, she wishes the historians hadn’t kept with the tradition of anonymity.

The first three rounds are assigned randomly, weapons chosen by a roll of the dice. Starhaven trounces Durla with speed and efficiency in unarmed combat. Terra proves the better bowman, nailing three bulls eyes while Colu plants a neat grouping in an outer ring.

But what the public truly came to see is Thorul and Mars. News of their war had spread, and chance brings them together in the first round of the tourney. The weapon is staves, and Kara watches with her heart in her throat as the embattled nations go head to head.

Both suitors prove themselves nimble fighters, their movements smooth and acrobatic. There is intensity in their movements, but not menace. In fact, they almost seem to be having fun, giving each other space and time to show off with elaborate tumbling passes and graceful combinations.

It doesn't follow a tradition of bloodshed, but the crowd eats it up. To Kara's surprise, they cheer for Thorul.

"My people tell me that word of the past two trials has spread," her father tells her. "The Thorulian suitor has made quite an impression."

And their suitor gets the upper hand almost by accident. Mars gets off balance, and Thorul helps them along by spilling them into a pinning hold with Mars' leg trapped between staff and body.

It's showy and dramatic, sending the crowd to roaring. Mars taps out, and accepts Thorul's hand in getting up. They offer a deep bow to Kara, then a shallower one to the spectators before clasping hands in a match well-played.

They seem almost friendly. More than.

"Perhaps news of their war have been false," Kara murmurs. Her father has no response.

For the second and final round, Terra, Starhaven, and Thorul step into the ring together, swords in hand. Each weapon is duller than a butter knife, but Kara’s throat constricts at the menacing glint of sunlight off polished metal. At the sound of the gong, they begin.

Terra turns on Thorul immediately, marking them as their greatest rival. Thorul deftly deflects and engages, trading blow for blow with one eye towards Starhaven, who waits placidly to see how the impromptu face-off will end.

It ends with slow predictability-- Thorul drives Terra back, step by step, and gives no ground in return. Thorul is relentless, and before Terra can stop to consider their position, the gong sounds to signal the disqualification. Terra looks at their feet, as though shocked to find themselves out of bounds, before looking up to meet Thorul's shrug.

Kara is so caught up in the exchange she almost doesn't notice Starhaven creeping up to take advantage of the relaxed exchange of good humor.

"Watch out!" Kara cries, the words swallowed by the roar of the crowd as Thorul flings themselves to one side, narrowly dodging the shove that would have sent them out of bounds as well. They roll smoothly to their feet, and circles Starhaven in ready strides, head swivelling to keep their opponent in sight.

Starhaven loses patience first, and charges. Thorul steps neatly out of the way, making Starhaven stumble to find their target no longer there. Starhaven sweeps their blade through the air, and Thorul dodges again, hopping backwards across the sandy ground never allowing the blows to come close to hitting. They don't retaliate.

Kara soon realizes that this is a strategy in and of itself. With every unchallenged blow Starhaven grows visibly furious, until their strikes are sharp and angry. Every wild stroke saps energy, and leaves the crowd jeering. When Thorul's first return volley is a smack of the flat of their blade to the seat of Starhaven's pants, the crowd erupts into laughter.

Starhaven issues a bellow of their own, deep and guttural and full of rage.

Alarm hammers in Kara's heart as they charge once more. This time, Thorul engages. They parry, letting the blades slide off each other with a sharp shiiing of metal. They parry again and again, deflecting each blow off Starhaven with seemingly little effort at all, while Starhaven visibly slows and tires.

But even Thorul's good humor has its limit. On the next pass, Starhaven locks their hilts together, bringing them close. Their arm jabs forward and lands what Kara's assumes is a barehanded punch to Thorul's ribs, until Thorul pulls free with shout and slams their fist and hilt into Starhaven's face.

The shift to true violence jars the crowd to silence. As Starhaven reels, Thorul reaches for their ribs, and with a jolt Kara can feel from her seat, pulls a knife from the niche between their armor plates.

Blood stains the sand, drawing a roar of outrage from the spectators.

"Cheat!"

"Foul!"

“Coward!”

Kara nearly shoots to her feet, ready to end the duel right then and there, but her father's hand on her shoulder stays her.

"Thorul has not cried foul. Let us see what they intend to do.”

So Kara remains seated, vibrating with tension. On the field, Thorul visibly flags, one hand bracing their wounded side and chest heaving in pain. Starhaven straightens, emboldened by their success.

There's no finesse to their final charge. Just a roar that is swallowed by the clamor of an enraged crowd, and a massive double handed swing intended to do as much damage as a blunted weapon can inflict.

A single, feminine cry carries above the din, as Thorul lifts their sword to deflect. Starhaven's sword turns aside, scraping along the outside of Thorul's gauntlet. The cry turns to a bellow as Thorul halts Starhaven's charge with a massive kick to their chest, slamming their foot directly into the engraved crest of the Starhaven royal family.

Starhaven's feet fly out from under them, and they slam bodily to the ground. They go still for a long moment, and in the sudden silence, Kara hears a cough and a gasp from the fallen suitor before they roll, clutching their chest in obvious pain.

Thorul kneels, leaning in close to speak into Starhaven's ear. After a moment, Starhaven reaches out with one hand and taps the ground twice.

In the silence that follows, Thorul climbs back to their feet, hand still pressed to their ribs. To everyone's surprise, their free hand plants their sword in the sand before extending toward.

Starhaven to help the fallen suitor rise as well.

"We have a champion!" Kara's father booms. The crowd goes wild, and as the competitors offer tender bows to their hosts, he leans in to speak in Kara's ear. "And what a champion we have."

Yes, Kara's thoughts echo. A champion indeed.

That night, the feast is loud and boisterous, but not quite enough to drown out the pounding of Kara's heart. She doesn't eat, and notices neither Starhaven nor Thorul do as well. The remaining four seem in good spirits, as though content for another to be selected.

When the time comes, Kara's father lifts his hand, and the herald pounds the floor with his staff, calling the room to attention.

"The time has come!" Zor el announces. "Suitors, please gather."

Already drifting to the front of the room, the suitors form a single line, shoulder to shoulder. They wait, and Kara feels her heart climb up her throat, desperate to escape.

"Lady Kara," her father prompts. "Please make your selection."

Kara rises, and stands tall on legs that threaten to collapse.

"I thank you all again, for honoring Krypton's custom and history by participating in the trials. Your conduct over the past three days have given me great insight into your characters, and though I shall only select one of you, know that I look forward to getting to know all of you better in the years to come. You have proven the honor and good faith of your kingdoms, and I am glad to have made your acquaintance."

Some more than other. She forces herself not to glare at Starhaven’s masked face. Their poor conduct during the duel still rankles, but Kara cannot admonish them after Thorul had conducted them with such grace and aplomb. No matter how she might wish to.

"I have weighed each of your gifts with great consideration, and have made my selection."

A ripple of anticipation travels across the room, and Kara takes a deep breath.

"For their choice of game, I received a reminder of the beauty that exists in Krypton, and with their pledge, they have placed value in our people, and demonstrated they understand the importance of service to the realm."

Kara continues to address the crowd, rather than the suitors. She pretends not to notice the way Thorul stands so still, frozen in place. She pretends not to feel their hidden eyes upon her, drinking her in. Rooting her to the spot.

"And with their conduct in the duels, they have both honored the spirit of our customs, and demonstrated a strength of will and character that Krypton will cherish, for all their years to come."

With her father's steadfast presence behind her, and the crowd waiting with bated breath, Kara lifts her chin and squares her shoulders.

"For my betrothed, I choose Thorul."

Her declaration meets with exuberant applause. She had made her match for Krypton, and Krypton gives their approval wholeheartedly. It should ease the knot climbing up her throat, and yet…

The remaining five suitors bow in deference to her decision, and acquit themselves graciously. They drift back to their delegations, leaving Thorul to stand alone.

The Thorulian herald approaches, a proud and pleased smile on his face. "My lord and lady, it is my honor and privilege to present to you, Princess Lena of Thorul."

The suitor's hands lift even before the herald finishes, pulling back their hood and tugging the black mask down below her chin to reveal dark hair, pale skin, and a jawline Kara's recognizes in intimate detail.

Lena.

Her Lena.

Kara's heart trips in her chest as she stares, and dares not to blink lest the apparition dissolve into so much smoke.

Lena gazes back, holding Kara's stare unwaveringly.

Zor el fills her stunned silence. "Well met, Princess!" Green eyes shift to Zor el, and bows deeply in greeting. "We'd heard you'd been lost!"

The princess’ gaze slides back to Kara, addressing her simple response to her newly betrothed.

"I was found."

The feast continues long into the night, but does so without the new betrothed. The Thorulian delegation withdraws shortly after the selection, following the final steps of Kryptonian tradition.

Kara departs as well, as much to freshen up as to finally collapse onto a seat as her trembling legs finally gave way. She had imagined it, surely. A trick of the light and her mind's desperate attempt to say goodbye to her first and final love.

But when she steps into the privacy of the portrait gallery to meet her betrothed an hour later, the figure waiting with her back to the door has the same slope of Lena's shoulders, the same ruddy tint when the light catches her dark hair just so.

The door clicks audibly behind her, sealing them in a tenuous silence.

"L-Lena...?"

"You left."

Kara's breath catches, as a sob crawls up her throat. It is her. It's her, it's her, it's her... "Lena, how...? Why?"

"You called me selfish, stole my horse, and you left."

Finally, Lena turns. Seeing her again feels like a kick to the chest, but it's the tears glinting in her eyes that tears her heart asunder.

"Lena, I'm so sorry," she gasps. Tears of her own spill down her cheeks. "Those things I said-- I shouldn't have--"

"You were right." Lena's anger deflates in an instant. Suddenly, she looks smaller than she ever did. "I ran from my home, from my people, and never looked back."

Kara swallows thickly, wiping her cheeks. "You have now."

Lena shrugs with a bitter smirk. "Let's just say walking to the next town on foot gave me time to think."

A laugh bubbles out of Kara, and she freezes in chagrin. But when Lena's lips lift into a careful smile, Kara beams and rushes to close the difference.

She throws her arms around Lena's neck, clinging to her as her laughter wobbles back into tears. Lena turns her face into Kara's neck inhaling deeply. Her shoulders loosen, but her grip tightens, refusing to let go.

"I've missed you," Kara murmurs through her tears. "So, so much."

It's been almost two years since their argument in the woods. Two years of dreams and fading memories. And here Lena is, solid in her arms.

She squeezes Lena tighter, only draw back sharply when Lena hisses in pain. "What? What happ-- oh my god, you're injured. That stupid, no-good Starhaven bast--"

"I'm fine, my lady," Lena murmurs. "Just... maybe watch the hands for a while."

Kara gasps another laugh, gathering Lena's hands in hers.

She doesn't let go.

They speak for hours that night, and in so doing, Kara learns the truth.

Lena had indeed run, much like Kara, but not just from the rumored marriage.

"All my life I was told I was nothing,” Lena tells her, seated on the intimate couch nestled between sculptures of Kara’s ancestors. “When my mother announced the wedding, she made it explicitly clear it wasn't for political advantage, or alliance-- Starhaven was simply the kingdom willing to take me off her hands the soonest."

"Starhaven? That's why..." Kara's fingers flicker towards the bandages hidden beneath her tunic.

Lena nods. "Lord Edge doesn’t forgive a slight-- not even one inflicted when we were barely thirteen. Nor does he appreciate his jilter competing against him for the hand of another."

Thirteen… Lena has spent a long time alone.

"I couldn't live the life they wanted-- shoved to the side, ignored... powerless." Lena can't meet Kara's gaze. She stares at their laced fingers instead. "So I left. It never occurred to me for a moment that they'd ever miss me."

Kara squeezes her hand, mourning the child Lena had been: wanting for love and purpose. "If the marriage was intended for Starhaven, then why the Martian War?"

Lena sighs. "It took me months to work out that Lex's advisors were misleading him. And he's so damn stubborn he had to hear the collusion for himself before he believed it. But he did, and dismissed them. I've been helping him broker peace ever since."

"You seemed friendly with the Martian suitor..."

"M'gann and I have grown familiar over the course of the negotiations. They're a reasonable people, especially once Lex agreed to pay reparations. If Lex keeps his own counsel, I think our people may be allies yet."

Kara gazes at Lena, drinking in the sight of her easy confidence. She'd never noticed before, the way she'd been wound tight against judgement. But the lack of it now is unmistakable. Her years on the road may have helped her find her power, but returning home has given her purpose.

"Your brother..." Kara says carefully. "He doesn't sound like someone who didn't miss you."

Cheeks coloring, Lena looks away. "The night I returned, I stole into the castle. I didn't want to be seen until I knew how he'd react, and he--"

Her voice gives out, and her lips tremble. Kara leans against her, offering silent support.

"He'd never hugged me so tight before," Lena whispers. She almost cries, but she wipes her tears away with a smile. "He almost didn't let me come here, he was so scared to let me out of his sight again."

"I know the dowager passed, some years ago. I imagine he must have been thrilled to learn he had family still living."

"He found Mother’s journals, after the funeral. It wasn't until he read how she thought of me that he realized why I left. He'd never realized how wretched she was."

Lena’s thumb rubs soft circles against the back of Kara’s hand. Silence gathers around them, insulating them from the rest of the world. Kara stares at her, and watches as Lena seems to struggle with some new truth she’d yet to share.

Finally, her gaze lifts to meets Kara's with solemn intent. "Kara, you should know... he's named me his heir. He intends to make the proclamation after we announce our betrothal."

Kara grins. "Then he is indeed a wise king."

"No, Kara, it means... when his title falls to me, it means our two kingdoms will be bound. They could unite, if we wish it."

Kara cups Lena's cheeks with both hands. "If Thorul is anything like its princess, then Krypton would be all the richer for it."

A dark eyebrow lifts. "Even a selfish princess?"

Familiar shame chills Kara to the bone. Her lips press together as old tears burn at her eyes. "I should never have said those things, Lena. I've regretted them the moment I gave voice to them.”

Lena shrugs. "You were right. Even if you didn't know it. I ran from my duties, and for far longer than you did."

"You are also the one who took the hand of a desperate, terrified girl," Kara reminds her, bumping their foreheads together, “and helped her for no other reason than because she asked. And then…”

Pulling back, Lena meets her gaze with startling intensity. “Then?”

Kara smiles.

“You gave her the world."

[coffeecrusadeclub]

Too late? Pt 2/2

*fluff*

TJs POV:

"Im not Jealous"

"Well then whats youre problem TJ!"

"It doesn't matter anymore"

"Why not?"

"Because I was too late"

"For what?"

"To talk to you"

"What?"

"I wanted to talk to you last night and I was too late" my tone had softened quite a bit and I felt Cyrus staring at me. I went to take a drink and Cyrus took the bottle out of my hand.

"What the hell dude? Give that back"

"Youve had enough. What were you going to tell me last night"

"It doesnt matter because I already know what response I would've gotten"

"And how do you know what I would've said"

"Because of what you were doing. If I hadn't walked in you wouldve-"

I sighed and put my head in my hands.

"I would've come to my senses and stopped him before it went too far"

"I have a hard time believing that. You were both really into it" i rubbed my face as if I could erase the memories of last night from my head.

"TJ I wouldnt have done anything. I want my first time to be with someone a lot more special than some guy I knew for half an hour"

"Youre first time- youve never-"

"You sound shocked. As awkward as I am you really think Ive ever done that?"

I felt my face turn red and reached for my drink that Cyrus had placed on my side table

"Leave it"

"Youre not my mom"

"I never claimed to be. I claim to be your friend who cares about you and wants you to stop before it becomes a real problem"

He sat on the bed in front of me he felt so close I could feel his breath on my face.

"TJ what did you want to happen last night? What were you going to tell me?"

I felt my heart beating so fast it felt like it was going to burst out of my chest. "What did I want to happen last night?"

"Thats what I asked, yes"

I was more tipsy than I thought I was and without even the slightest hesitation, I had closed the gap between us and put my hand on his face, holding him gently. Apart of me expected him to pull away but instead, he put his hand on my wrist and kissed back. It was more intoxicating than any kind of liquor out there. I pulled away slowly, stopping myself before I went to far.

"TJ..." Cyrus sounded out of breath and i felt panic coursing through my veins did I really just do that

"Im sorry I acted on impulse I-" Cyrus cut me off, this time it was him closing the gap. I leaned backwards against the backboard of my bed neither of us breaking the kiss. Cyrus was ontop of me and i stopped remembering what he said about not having his first time yet.

"Whats wrong"

"We can't- you said your first time is meant to be special."

Cyrus got off of me and sighed

"Im sorry I got carried away"

"No -no dont be sorry. But I dont want to ruin that moment for you"

"TJ what were you going to tell me last night?"

I looked at him, trying to figure out what to say. It wasnt as easy as I thought it was going to be.

"That-That Im in love with you.. That Ive been in love with you for longer than I could remember"

Cyrus smiled at me, turning a light shade of pink. I was probably firetruck red at this point

"I love you too"

"Wh-what?"

"TJ you are so oblivious sometimes. Im in love with you but we both know I'd never have the guts to say it first. Ive spent years wishing you'd say it, believing that you never would"

I smiled at him "So Mr. Goodman..... I have a question for you"

"And that is?"

"Are you free Saturday night?"

"For you? Most definitely"

Cyrus smirked and leaned back in kissing me again.

"Id say this is a pretty special moment Kippen"

I laughed softly as I kissed him

"Not yet. We havent even gone on our first date yet" We both continued to kiss and suddenly my door swung open followed by the crash of Amber hitting the floor.

We looked over at Amber who was face down on the floor. She sat up bright red.

"You guys were yelling and then it got quiet. I wanted to know what was happening. I couldnt hear from downstairs when you were being quiet"

I laughed and threw a pillow at her

"Ya ruined the moment" I kept laughing as Amber continued to turn redder.

"Hey I have to get going. See you Saturday?"

"I'll pick you up at 7." I winked at him and he kissed me before heading out the door. I smiled at him as he walked out.

"The twinkle in youre eyes is back" Amber smiled and sat at the foot of my bed.

I laughed "you killed the momet!" I hit her playfully with a pillow.

"So? Tell me everything! What were you guys doing whyd it go completely silent for so long? Like there were three periods of silence-"

"Well the first silence happened when he asked me what I wanted to happen last night. I kissed him. Then i stopped and started panicking and then he started kissing me and we almost...." i trailed off

"OH MY GOD NO U DIDNT"

"No we didnt! Did it look like we had? I wanted his first time to be special"

"What a romantic." She mocked "What about the last one?"

"Thats the one you ruined" i laughed and she turned red again

"Oh yeah.."

"I need water for my hangover and food to prevent the worse one thats on its way."

"I'll go get ready. We'll go to Dennys. Fix yourself up"

I smiled at her grateful that she made me talk to Cyrus

"Hey Amber?"

"Hmm?"

"Thank you"

"For what?"

"For making me talk to him"

"What are big sisters for?"

"Youre older by 10 minutes!!!!"

She laughed "Most boring 10 minutes of my life" she smiled and walked across the hall to her room. I was glad to have a sister that cared about me as much as she did

[huphilpuffs]

flares

chapter: 25/? summary: Dan’s body has been broken for as long as he can remember, and he’s long since learned to deal with it. Sort of. But when his symptoms force him to leave uni and move into a new flat with a stranger named Phil, he finds that ignoring the pain isn’t the way to make himself happy. word count: 3065 rating: mature warnings: chronic illness, chronic pain, medicine a/n: a huge thanks goes to @obsessivelymoody for beta reading this for me!

Ao3 link || read from beginning

Dan wakes up on Thursday to a heaviness in his chest.

He groans before he even opens his eyes. His face is squished against a pillow, his ribs pressed too harshly against the mattress. Stabs of pain burst between them, make his muscles spasm and send his breath escaping in a stutter. He has to count, one, two, three, four to keep it from happening a second time.

It eases some when he rolls onto his back.

And he tries to comfort himself further by counting out how long it’s been since he’s been able to sleep on his stomach. Too long, probably.

He’s been getting better, though. Even staring at the bedroom ceiling through his tears, Dan knows that. Knows the he’s helped Phil with dinner the last few nights, and managed to handle the curtains being open for a few hours yesterday.

His hand smoothes across his sternum, and he pokes at the painful spots in his sides until the sharpness dulls.

It’s enough to let Dan sit up, then stand on shaky knees. He tosses Phil’s pillow back to where it belongs and tucks the duvet into place to prove the voice in his head, wondering why he’s suddenly worse again, that he’s fine.

And to ignore the second voice, telling him it’s anxiety that causes your pain, over and over again.

His appointment is in a day.

Dan’s hardly slept for three.

He tries to swallow back a sigh. Whatever rush of adrenaline had dragged him out of bed has faded, left fatigue settling heavy in his bones again. He could drag himself to the lounge, curl up in his blankets and continue his new daily routine of watching people on YouTube for hours.

But his body aches and his eyes burn, and he crawls back into bed instead.

The voice in his head grows louder.

Dan grabs Phil’s pillow, clutches it ot his chest and presses his face against the fabric, breathing deeply.

It smells like Phil.

He holds it until he falls back asleep.

---

The afternoon drags.

It’s past two when Dan wakes up again. The flat is still empty, the bed unmade again. He crawls out without bothering to fix it, makes himself a sandwich, and settles back on the sofa, where he can rest his head against the cushions and ignore the tightness around his heart.

Every time he turns on his phone, it’s too a notification reminding him he has an appointment tomorrow that has his muscles seizing, making it ache to breathe.

And to a reminder he half regrets setting, since he’s ignored it for days.

Call mum.

There’s only a few hours to follow through with it now.

He glances back at the clock that tells him it’s just ticking past three. Twenty-five hours left, says the voice in his head. It sounds like the last GP he saw, who looked him in the eyes and told him to try acting like he had more energy, who told him it would help.

You should try it, his mum had said afterwards. You never know unless you do.

Dan’s thumb swipes across the screen. He finds her contact, sucks in a breath, and hits the call button.

He doesn’t breathe again until she picks up on the third ring.

“Hi, Dan,” she says.

He hasn’t heard her voice since he decided to stay here. It feels like a lifetime ago, suddenly.

“Hi, mum.”

There’s silence for a long moment. He can hear her breathing over the line, low and steady, and wonders if she can hear the shakiness in his.

“How are you?” she asks

“I’m okay,” he says. “I, uh, have a doctor’s appointment tomorrow.”

“Oh?”

He swallows, nodding even though she can’t see him. “Just with my new GP, but I’m hoping he might be able to help me,” he says. “With, well, you know.”

“I hope he can.”

She sounds sad. It’s been a long time since Dan’s heard that.

“Me too,” he says. And then, because he can’t handle the silence: “But, uh, I was hoping you could maybe help me figure out my medical history, to prepare? I don’t remember all of it from when I first got sick.”

Back when she was responsible for it, he doesn’t say. Back when anyone could keep track of all of it.

“I’ll text it to you, okay?” she says. “I know your memory isn’t always the best, and your wrists tend to ache from writing.”

“Really?” He slams his mouth shut, the click of his teeth probably audible over the phone. “I mean, thanks.”

She chuckles, quiet, distant, like he can hear the miles between them. “I’m not always heartless, you know,” she says.

Dan’s breath comes out in a rush. Guilt bursts in its place, painful, bringing tears to his eyes. And he wants to tell her he never thought she was, but he can’t. She knows he can’t. He doesn’t even know what he thinks about her now, crying, hands shaking as he clutches his phone too tightly.

“Can I ask you something?” she says. “Without you getting mad?”

“Yeah.”

“How are you doing?” she says. “I know you don’t think your problems are with your mental health, and I’m not implying they are–” the not this time goes unspoken “–but I know you’ve had bad experiences with doctors and you’re my son.”

His breath catches. A tear rolls down his cheek, and he wipes it away with his hand.

This is his first appointment without her, he realizes. The first one in six years that she’s not driving him to, waiting outside or sitting next to him for the length of it. The first time she won’t smooth his hand over his knee in the waiting room, telling him it’ll be okay, that doctors can be trusted, even though they’d been proving otherwise for so long.

“I’m okay,” he says. “Phil’s coming with me.”

“That’s good,” she says, like she means it. “I am glad you have him, you know.”

He almost reminds her what she thought of him living with Phil last time they spoke, but his heart aches and his eyes are stinging and he doesn’t want to fight, not this time.

“Me too,” he says. “He’s the best, mum.”

She sounds like she’s smiling when she says: “I’d love to meet him, one day.”

Dan swallows. He can hardly picture it, bringing Phil back to a house filled with terrible memories and people he still doesn’t trust entirely. And yet there’s a tug in his chest, a bittersweet image forming in the back of his mind.

He doesn’t say anything.

Neither does she, for a while.

“I should get going,” is what she ends up saying. “As long as you’re okay? I’ll text you your medical information in a little bit.”

“Okay,” he says. “I’m okay. Thank you.”

She hums. “And Dan?”

“Yeah?”

“You should call your grandma. She misses her sofa buddy.”

He chuckles. It aches. Suddenly, he’s exhausted again. “Okay. I will,” he promises. “And mum?”

“Yeah?”

“No news is good news, okay? If I don’t call you after the appointment, I mean.”

“Okay,” she says. “Bye.”

“Bye.”

The line goes dead.

His head falls back against the cushion and his phone drops onto the sofa. Tears are rolling down his cheeks, and he’s not entirely sure he knows why.

Or maybe he just can’t untangle all the many, many reasons.

---

Phil’s quiet when he gets home.

He takes the smoothie Dan didn’t touch and sets it on the coffee table before dropping onto the empty cushion. His arm is draped across the back of the cushion, his hip just inches from Dan’s, as he turns his gaze to the open laptop, lit up with another Smosh video.

Dan’s been watching them mindlessly since his tears dried on his cheeks.

“This is a good one,” says Phil.

It’s an older one, the production value a little cheaper and humour a tad outdated. Probably more similar to what Phil had watched back at uni, Dan thinks. He tries to imagine it, a younger version of Phil, one with longer hair and a slightly narrower frame, sitting in a uni room like the one Dan moved out of before coming here.

He hardly can. Maybe because his mind is still muddled, hanging onto words he said during the phone call, onto all the things he should have said but didn’t.

“It is,” he says, just as the video ends.

He doesn’t start a new one.

Phil’s fingers sweep across his shoulder. In Dan’s peripheral, he can see Phil turn to look at him, but he doesn’t look back.

“Are you okay?” asks Phil.

Dan swallows. There’s a lump in his throat, a pressure behind his eyes so harsh it aches.

“Didn’t sleep very well,” he says.

Phil squeezes his shoulder. “I know.”

That makes the corner of his mouth quirk up. Of course Phil knows. He was there, arms wrapped around Dan as he fidgeted, tossed, and turned. His hands had combed through Dan’s hair, and his quiet questions about if Dan was okay were mumbled against his shoulder, his reassurance felt in his touch.

Phil usually falls asleep pretty quickly, Dan’s learned. Last night, he didn’t.

The hand at his shoulder tightens. Dan finally turns to face Phil.

“Is that all that’s bothering you?”

His eyes are soft, almost sad, as his hand rubs gentle circles against Dan’s skin. He knows. He must know something’s up. Dan has to remind himself that Phil’s seen him after countless sleepless nights, curled up in soft blankets on the sofa and dozing when his mind gets too tired to keep racing.

Today isn’t like that.

Dan reaches out to rest a hand on Phil’s knee, needing to feel grounded, as the first tear rolls down his cheek. Phil draws him closer, so Dan’s head is by his shoulder, his tears dripping down onto the fabric of Phil’s shirt.

There’s no pressure, none but the weight of Phil’s hand on his shoulder, when Dan says:

“I called my mum.”

Phil goes tense. “Oh,” he say. “How did that go?”

Dan swallows. “I don’t know.”

He really doesn’t. His chest feels too full with contradictions, the weight of past accusations crashing up against her understanding tone and he doesn’t know what to think anymore. He’s never been sure how to exist around her, not since pain first settled in his bones and she told him it was growing pains, it would pass, it would get better.

And it never did.

“I haven’t talked to her since I told her I was staying in Manchester,” he says, maybe as an afterthought, maybe because it’s felt heavy on his shoulders since he answered the phone.

“Was she nicer this time?”

He nods. Another tear falls. “She’s texting me my medical history,” says Dan. “She offered, because she– she knew I had trouble writing and remembering.”

Phil hums. His breath has gone even again. His mouth is close to the top of Dan’s head. He sounds hesitant when he speaks. “It sounds like she cares.”

Dan feels that, sharp and painful in his gut. Another tear rolls down his cheek, and his breath catches, and Phil holds him tighter like he’s scared Dan will fall apart.

Maybe he will.

It’s been so long,

He’s been so that sure she doesn’t actually care.

Now, he doesn’t know what to think.

---

His mum texts him.

Dan almost cries. His teeth dig into his lip and his ribs ache and he stares, wide-eyed, at the list of diagnoses and unexplained symptoms he’s had over the years. There’s the migraines they never treated at the beginning, the lightheadedness it took them four years to explain, the instructions to do more exercise that dot the whole six years that he’s been ill.

The first time he went to therapy, and the antidepressants they put him on, and the second time he went to therapy.

And every time he told his doctor he was still sick after that.

Phil’s hand lands on his wrist, gently pushing the phone from Dan’s line of sight. His voice is barely a whisper when he says: “Are you okay?”

Dan swallows. His throat aches.

Laid out like this, it doesn’t look that bad, a distant voice in his head that’s haunted him for too long tries to remind him that maybe he’s just making it all up. Maybe it wasn’t that bad. But Dan can remember the A&E doctor who turned him away because it was growing pains. Can remember the so many times his blood pressure was low before anyone bothered to point it out.

The time his doctor looked at him and said–

“Can we do something?” says Dan. “I want to– I need a distraction.”

Phil nods. In Dan’s peripheral, his phone screen goes black. The knot in his chest loosens, just a bit.

“Wanna play video games?” says Phil.

He shakes his head. “Wanna go out. It’s been too long.”

Phil’s brows furrow, like he’s about to point out that there’s a reason it’s been so long, about to warn Dan that he doesn’t want to make himself sick before such an important day.

Except part of Dan does. He’s done it before, forced himself to be in pain because maybe that way the doctors would actually see that he wasn’t lying. Not that it’s ever worked.

“Please?” he says.

Phil squeezes his wrist. “Okay.” His thumb drifts across Dan’s, careful and comforting. “Where do you want to go?”

---

Dan squeezes into his skinny jeans, even though the fabric burns his legs. He pulls a shirt over his head for what feels like the first time in forever. Though his knees are shaky, he bends down to tie his own laces, as Phil watches from where he’s leaning against the door.

“Are you sure about this?”

He reaches out, without a word, to help Dan stand again.

“I’m sure,” says Dan. “And don’t worry, you won’t need to take me to A&E this time.”

The corner of Phil’s mouth quirks up, and Dan knows he’s forcing it. He can feel his worry in the too-tight clench of Phil’s hand around his, the way his gaze trips over Dan legs when he wobbles as he stands.

He squeezes Phil’s fingers, forcing a smile of his own, as he opens the door.

It’s warm outside. The sky’s going purple as the sun sinks below the city. Dan realizes, staring up at it, that he hasn’t left the flat since he trip to A&E, hasn’t enjoyed being outside in far too long.

If his joints would let him, he’d suggest they walk around a bit. Instead, he stares up at the clouds and reminds himself to spend more evenings, when the sun won’t burn his eyes, on their little balcony, just to feel the wind against his cheeks again.

Phil tugs on his hand when the cab pulls up in front of them. They pile in, side by side in the back seat. Dan doesn’t put on his seatbelt. He can’t be bothered to deal with the harsh rub of fabric against his ribs.

His chest is still tight, the quiet buzz of anxiety at the back of his mind growing louder. He can still feel his phone, heavy in his pocket, can still imagine the text he hasn’t yet responded to. He can remember their last movie night, laughing and gasping and falling asleep with Phil’s hands trying to massage the pain away.

They hadn’t even gone out last time.

Dan stares out the window and hopes he can keep his promise that it’ll be okay this time.

They slip out of the car at the cinema. Phil pays the driver. Dan leans against the wall as he waits, wondering if the lines inside are long. It’s been so long since he’s been to the cinema, he can hardly imagine it anymore. The screens usually hurt his eyes and the audio gives him a headache and he doesn’t care today.

“You okay?”

Phil’s smiling at him, standing by the door. He holds it open for Dan, and buys their tickets for a random comedy neither of them particularly wanted to see. He lets Dan go find a seat as he buys them popcorn, soda, and a chocolate bar to share. He hands it over, in the darkness of the theatre, with a smile.

Between them, their knees bump together as the film starts.

---

They’re holding hands when it ends.

Dan’s eyes are starting to burn and his chest aches from laughing, but the voices in his head have dulled just enough that he can breathe a little easier. He doesn’t think about the appointment he needs to show up to tomorrow, or the doctor he hasn’t met yet who might dash his hopes all over again.

He stares at their joined hands as the cinema empties, smiling.

“You ready to go home?” says Phil.

Dan shrugs. He probably should give his spine a break by sinking into the sofa again, close his eyes against the bright lights of the city before a headache wells in his temples. But he doesn’t want to sit in the dark and wait until tomorrow, letting his fears return.

“Can we get pizza?”

“You up to walk?”

He nods. Phil helps him to his feet and leads him out of the cinema. He knows Manchester better than Dan does, and tells a story about coming to watch movies with Ian when he was younger as they find the nearest pizza place. Dan listens, maybe more attentively than he needs to, to keep his mind from going hazy as the city moves around him.

There’s still a smile tugging at the corner of his mouth.

Dan wonders if him of a few years ago would have believed that he’d end up here.

The restaurant they end up in is small and quiet, and they slide into a booth in the corner of the room. Dan sinks back against the cushion, realizing that Phil’s smiling, too.

His chest feels warm. His fingers twist in the tablecloth, because part of him misses holding Phil’s hand.

“Thanks for tonight,” says Dan. “I had fun.”

Under the table, Phil knocks their feet together.

“I did too,” he says.

[judesave]

helo it is me nai bk again w chara #2. i hd jude at the old lockwood some of u may remember him he is? frankly my pride n joy n like the only male chara i’ve ever been able to properly stick w. here is his muse tag n here is his pinterest board if ur into tht stuff. gna just dive in bc its 8am n i still haven’t slept rip!

( nai. 22. gmt. she/her. ) it might be HIS JUNIOR year but I still think JUDE HAYWARD looks exactly like DOUGLAS BOOTH and sometimes I think the CIS-MALE is actually them. Of course I’m wrong, as they’re 23 and studying ARTwhile living in POTENTAS here at Lockwood. The PISCES can be rather WITTY and PROTECTIVE, but also kind of RUDE and DETACHED. Their most played song on Spotify was ASLEEP by THE SMITHS, so I think that says a lot.

born in sheffield in england, bt they went back and forth between there n san fran a lot

jude was an unhappy accident. his parents never rly used protection bc they were super Liberal n Au Naturel n believed in the pull out method bc… they were maniacs. bt then the ONE time they used a condom in an effort to b safety conscious it broke n hence…. jude was born

they just kind of ran w it bc they had such a passionate relationship tht they were like What The Hell…. may as well! itll be fine we’ll learn to be good parents n love him like normal ppl do

spoiler alert: tht didn’t work out

they were ok to him like they weren’t super abusive or anything like that bt they just found him to be a massive burden n hindrance to their plans

they literally….. had sex all day every day n acted like a pair of teenagers. it ws a super weird environment for a kid to grow up in bc he literally had no role models or… guidance or…. anything rly. occasionally they’d joke around w him or pretend they even knew what grade he was going into but for the most part they just Didn’t Care one bit

they were both suuuuper into the arts. they’re both rly good sculptors bt they paint too n they actually own a rly successful gallery in san fran

as a result he grew up around a lot of creative n sometimes pretentious ppl. the friends of his parents were more present in his life than his ACTUAL parents bc they were always jetting off to diff countries to scout out new pieces fr their galleries n just have a gd time in beautiful places without…. the annoyance tht ws their son forcing them to b responsible n look after someone else. tbh some of them were rly damaging too bt….i won’t go into that just yet. it doesn’t rly…need properly explaining bc jude never talks abt it anyway n it….is rather triggering so i’ll jst….leav it for now tbh fgkhdfgh. basically they just were Not Nice n jude had a lot of bad memories he keeps repressed

bc of how he ws raised he has a p cultured taste. he luvs classic lit, especially kerouac, n p much anything artsy. he can play piano 2 n sometimes gets rly high n thinks he’s mozart level gd at composing. i mean he’s gd bt… Calm Down Jude

personality wise he acts out sometimes bc he’s so frustrated. he tried rly hard to be someone his parents wld care abt by doing wild or stupid things so he’d hav funny stories to tell them n tbh sometimes it works n he gets them to laugh w him but it isn’t a parent/son bond n it never rly wil b. he’s rly sarcastic, sleeps around a lot bt isn’t particularly fond of actual Dates except in rare cases, has an overflowing secret sketchbook n if he cares abt someone he’ll probably draw them n get rly defensive if they find out abt it fkjgdhfkj bcos he’s an Independent Boy without a sentimental bone in his body. or so he tries to pretend. pretty deadpan humour most of the time. luvs strange ppl tht keep him on his toes

he has rly bad insomnia so he like never sleeps fgjkhfgjkf he always has rly sleepy eyes n rubs them tiredly mid conversation. he smokes a lot of weed to try n compensate fr this n make him tired bt he still struggles a lot. he also... smokes a lot fr the sake of his depression bc HOO boy does he hav it bad! he’s tried a bunch of medications n none have rly worked bt u kno. he’s surviving

ummMMMMmm honestly idk i’m blankin on what else to say. ull find him smoking weed reading an american classic or gnawing at his thumbnail n getting charcoal smudges along that Dramatic model jawline. he’s p broody n scruffy n he’s mostly here fr a good time. o and he’s That Guy that would die fr morrissey and all that stone roses the smiths etc stuff music wise. HMU FR PLOTS!!!!!! i’m down fr anything

[decadentrpg-blog]

WELCOME ALLIE, YOU’VE BEEN ACCEPTED FOR THE ROLE OF NATASSIA PRINCE

Admins Note: A tough choice to make but I must say your application embodies so much of the Natassia that I see. From her sense of self identity to her motivations, it’s all so cohesive. The origins of her birth are nicely crafted! Seeing how much money she’s spent and the accumulation of possible debt she’ll owe was another nice touch to Natassia’s character. Seeing her interaction with Cassiel and Maxima really amplified her presence. Your request to use Ni Ni has been approved. Congratulations on your acceptance again, please make sure to head your way to the checklist and submit your account within the next 24 hours!

Out of Character

Name / Alias: Allie Pronouns: She/Her Age: 23 Timezone: CST

In Character Application

Full Name: Natassia Li Prince

NATASSIA (na-tas-sia) – Natassia derives from Greece meaning “born at Christmas”. Sadly the meaning really has nothing to do with the reason behind why she was named Natassia, especially since she was, in fact, not born at Christmas. There is no grand meaning behind the reason her parents chose the name. Really, Natassia was a last minute pick since they couldn’t settle on anything else. It once belonged to a relative on her pure side of the family, thankfully. Someone from the distant past she never made and whose stories aren’t ever told and yet now they were her namesake. She would make this name her own, after all the Princes never had a half-blood in their line before.

LI (lee) – If her mother had her way, Natassia’s name would have been Jia Li, a name meaning “pretty, beautiful” in Chinese. Instead, her parents settled for a completely different name, and kept Li for her middle name. Really, she hasn’t revealed her middle name in such a long time. Few know it, even fewer dare call her by her full name. Her middle name is just something she wouldn’t mind leaving out as it’s just a reminder of her mother’s Muggle-ness.

PRINCE (PRINS) – Her surname is the name that she says with pride. Prince has a meaning of royalty, really meaning “royal son, first, prince”. The origin goes back to Old English and it’s something that she prides herself with. Prince holds the name of a pureblood family that her father belongs to, and even with that being her surname, she still fights to be part of. The Prince family may not turn their backs after her father came crawling back with three year old Natassia in tow but they certainly didn’t hold their disapproval of their half-blood granddaughter.

Sexuality: Bisexual Gender/Pronouns: Cisfemale & she/her Hogwarts House: Slytherin

Head canons:

A FAMILY’S DISGRACE – Pure. That’s all you ever wanted to be. But with your father’s disgrace leading your family down a path you had no choice to be on, pure was just a grasp away. And the woman that was responsible, a muggle of all people, disappeared into the night on your third birthday. Not that you cared. You should have thought yourself lucky when your father’s family, the best side of you, never turned their backs on your father, letting him keep the claim of pure without acknowledging that short term relationship. However, damage was done because you were a product of your father’s horrendous actions leaving you to deal with ugly names and disappointing glances from not only strangers but the very people meant to be family. Your father didn’t put a stop to any of it but rather dotted you with gifts, something you grew to demand as you grew older. Even then, you might look the part of a pureblood doll, you can never forget that you aren’t one. You will pave your path and take everything that belongs to you. That you deserve.

PIGFARTS PIGFARTS HERE I COME – You never felt nervous about what house you belong to in Hogwarts. After all, there was only one that you would even consider being respectable. Gryffindors were full of overzealous fools, Hufflepuffs spend too much time building world peace. Ravenclaw wouldn’t have been the worst choice, possibly the second best, however you weren’t too keen on the idea of being surrounded by people who think they can outwit you. No, no. You had no doubt that you belonged in Slytherin and when the hat confirmed what you already knew, you just felt validated. However, even there you find yourself being forced to prove that you belong. So you did, you continue to do. You go after what you want, even if that means the hard glares or loud whispers. It’s not like you haven’t dealt with those before and you never let that stop you.

A STORY OF LOVE LOST AND LOVE FOUND – That’s what this is; a story. Something that one day you will look back on and smile as you are seated next to the one your heart belongs to. Perhaps things might have been different if you were pure and you are too aware of the obstacles placed in front of you but none of them matters as long as you have Cassiel. The secret glances, the hidden touches were just the beginning of what you would do for him. You will fight for him and you truly believe that it’s the same for him. You tried to keep the relationship secret, on his behalf of course, but eventually she found out. You were never a big fan of Rosier. After all, she had everything handed to her. Never worked an ounce in her life to be given the treatment that you deserve. And now she also has his hand in marriage which adds to the list of reasons why the sound of her name fills your with anger – no, no, not anger – resentment. You didn’t exactly mean for her to find out the love you have for Cassiel but it’s in the open now. Even though the affair was brought to her attention, you aren’t backing away from him. After all, she doesn’t deserve him, and you are the one who loves him. Part of you almost feels bad but then you remember that she has everything that you desire and that moment quickly passes. Things will work out, this is something you truly believe.

BEAUTY LIES IN HER EYES AND IT’S EXPENSIVE – The gifts your father gave you in order to make up for the life you will never have gave you an ounce hope. Hope one day you really will be the pureblood you need to become. The gifts were a way for you to look the part you desire. But they would never be enough. You crave for more than just some plain pair of earrings, no, no. You need more than just that and that consumed you. Sure, some may say that you have a spending problem but really don’t you deserve the very best? What you didn’t think was the amount you spend on a daily would start to eat away at your inheritance. This problem would have appeared much sooner if you didn’t request your father to setup your inheritance after you spoke of traveling, you might have been out of money in two days. As of now, you aren’t too worried about what’s left in your vault. That is, you aren’t even aware of how much you have. If you do encounter a problem, a letter home to father dearest may turn that around. After all, you are his little girl and heruined the life you were destined to have with such a small mishap.

PATRONUS vs. BOGGART – Your deepest fear and your greatest memory. Both send you chills down your back but for very different reasons. Your boggart is clear as day when you become face to face with it. You see yourself with nothing, not even a name to claim – failure written on your face. It is clear to you that the boggart you doesn’t belong anywhere, with nobody. Loneliness consumes the boggart you before you can vanish it away. This fear can manifest itself outside of the boggart with nightmares of the one you care most leaving you behind, spitting out harmful words that you would not have cared if it came from anyone else. In your nightmares, even he hurts you. But you wake up and realize that was a dream. And dreams don’t become reality. Your favorite memory also involves Cassiel, but in a better light, one filled with reality. The first time they met, in secret that is. The shared smiles throughout the night and forbidden hands running down your side sending shivers down your back. This memory was never topped, really it was just repeated.

WELCOME TO AMERICA – Leaving behind Great Britain was something that you considered doing for quite a long time. You don’t feel bad about leaving behind your family, not even your little cousins. After all, you were never truly part of this family were you? Your father tried, sure, but his silence when words of disgrace were being spoken was enough for you to realize that you weren’t going to be enough. Gifts can only go so far. You needed some air, a place where you can truly belong and staying in Great Britain was hindering that. There were too many memories, too many doubts of who you are and you were tired of that. A fresh start somewhere else, anywhere else had to do you some good. Sure, this might not be your father’s favorite idea of you being so far from home but throwing aside family was what your family does best. Instead, he gave you money, an allowance really, to help you get to America, to settle. It almost felt like he was begging you to remember him, remember to write. Something that you haven’t done since your feet landed in new soil. Perhaps one day you’ll return, but not until you have everything that you desire, not until you have the guy.

WORDS HURT – You keep a brave face on even after a dinner with your family as your grandfather goes on and on about how you will be attending Hogwarts soon, how you should keep your blood a secret. After all, a half-blood Prince was not a good look for this family and if you are going to stay, then you must play pretend. You keep a brave face on even when your grandmother mentions that no matter how hard you pretend, you will still be part Muggle. No matter how much magic you learn, no matter how much you act, you won’t be worthy of the Prince name. You keep a brave face on even when your dorm mate discovers a letter written to you from your father, one that reveals the heritage that you promised to keep secret. He wrote to you out of concern but he was the one to put you in flames. You keep a brave face on as whispers are woven throughout the halls, inside the classrooms. Dirty blood is something you just snicker at, they don’t see the word pounding inside your head as your face never falters. You ignore the names, the words, the judgement because you know that everything they have said will never hurt you for you will prove them all wrong. All the while, you keep a brave face on. Until you make it home. Until you make your room soundproof. Until you know you are truly alone. Then you scream. You scream and you scream and you scream until you can’t scream anymore. Then, you put your brave face back on and reapply your lipstick. Not a hair out of place. You won’t let them hear your screams, you won’t let them see their words scribbled on parchment paper over and over again as a way to get it all out of your system. No one will ever see that weakness, no one will see the pain you hide.

In Character Paragraph:

What can she say? She looks damn good in her new dress. The skirt came just an inch below her knees, a little higher than normal but what can she say? She does enjoy the attention she gains when heads turn to look at her, but there is one person’s eyes that she is looking for. Lips in the deepest shade of scarlet she had, eyes layered with eyeliner in order to appear much darker. Her appearance had to be perfect with where she planned on heading that night, with who she planned on seeing. It didn’t matter that he might be there with another woman, that was just a slight setback. If anything, at least she’ll be the one catching his eye.

Natassia took one last look at herself in the mirror, making sure that not a single hair was out of place, a hand smoothing down her dress. Let eyes turn her way, let whispers of want escape the lips of men she will never look at twice. All of that will just reassure her that she’s bound to be the best looking in the club. And with those last looks, Natassia grabbed her fur coat and headed out the door.

The walk towards the club was a short one and if the night was cooler, she might have just apparated there. Thankfully, the club was strictly for witches and wizards, if they allowed unworthy of being around people far greater than themselves in there, she would just have to stop going. Luckily that was not happening anytime soon.

She got to the door, knocked twice before a goblin appeared at the window. With a grunt, he spoke, “ Password. ”

Ah yes, another good thing about this place. She loved the secrecy, the exclusion that this underground club commanded. Password changes every day but if you know the right people, you know the right words.

“ Nebulus. ”

Another grunt and the doors open and music fills her ears. She steps into the foyer as the room grows much larger than it looks on the outside. Magic really does such wonderful things. Natassia finds herself grabbing a glass of champagne as soon as she spotted an elf in handing them out and took a sip as her eyes scour the room looking for one particular person.

He shouldn’t be too hard to find. After all, even in a room of thousands, she will always find him. And as she was moving through the crowd, she spots the only one who matters and her. It was a bit disappointing to see the dutiful wife in his arms. If only little Rosier knew what she knew but no, Natassia will not do that to Cassiel. She’s not going to be the reason his wife discovers what they do when her back is turned. It’s almost a bit sad, after all, the poor thing doesn’t exactly deserve this. Really, Maxima Rosier doesn’t deserve anything that was just given to her but she didn’t come to this club to curse the girl’s name tonight. She came for him and she’ll be damn if she doesn’t catch his attention.

Natassia set the empty glass down. There was no backing down. She moved closer to closer to the lovely couple, accidentally bumping into Maxima causing her drink to spill. Collateral damage, that’s what the drink was. That’s what she is and Natassia has to remember that.

“ Oh! I’m so sorry dear. Forgive me. Here, let me clean you up! ” Sugary sweet, that’s what she had to be, in order to avoid suspicion. As she looks at the younger girl again, Natassia wonders just how much out there that the poor thing doesn’t know.

Natassia quickly pulled out her wand, pointed at the dear’s dress before stating the simple spell, “ Scourgify. ” Once she was satisfied that everything was clear, Natassia glanced over the couple before letting out an exclamation, “ Cassiel Lestrange? It’s so good to see you again! ” She turned to look between the two of them, taking note of Maxima’s confused look. “ We are very old friends back when we were still at Hogwarts. I’m Natassia Prince and you must be his lovely wife, Maxima. ”

She extends her hand with a smile as the other took it, meeting that smile. “ We will have to catch up soon Cassiel, and of course, I would love to get to you know better, Maxima. ” No, no she wouldn’t. But she plastered that smile on like her life depended on it. “I shall leave the two of you alone. I hope you have a wonderful time here! It really was nice meeting you Maxima. ” A wave goodbye and a smile in Cassiel’s direction before she slipped away, heart pounding. Maybe meeting her was too much, hurt more than she thought it would. But she won’t show that. Not today. Not ever.

Natassia wondered if the girl notice the fact that her smile towards Cassiel lingered? Did she see beyond the tumble as a stunt to let Cassiel know she was there? Did she see Natassia glance over her shoulder and her husband do the same? If not, than she didn’t notice their eyes met, the nod given to her as though it was a promise to get away later. There is too much that poor Rosier didn’t see and yet Rosier was still on top. After all, Maxima was the one with her love, the one standing next to them as he orders their drinks. The one who can share more than just stolen glances. The one who has everything she wants. One day, she’ll step into her shoes. One day all of this will be hers. One day their love will prevail.

Extras: PINTEREST.

[fipindustries]

third week at the book store

is like the universe realized i’m doing this and decided to increase the amounts of zanyness in my life just to give me material, for example:

there is a guy who sits to play the acordion at the entrance of the book store every day and today it was when the season hit it stride and the clients where are it’s most demanding, so my morning was basically me on a frantic haze in the middle of a crowd chasing book while a silly little acordion tune was playing in the background and i realized i suddenly was in the middle of a movie montage.

but anyway, let’s start.

on scatological happenstances:

i literally, no bullshit or embellishment, crapped my pants in the middle of my job (must have been something i ate). I cannot believe such a sitcom situation could have happened to me and yet it did. Luckly i live five minutes away of my house and one of my bosses was understanding enough to let me go and change my pant without having to really explain any embarassing details, i just had to mumble something about an emergency change of clothes and she allowed me to discreetly leave my position, though i did hear her mutter under her breath as i walked away “this is the first and last time this happens”

more about understanding bosses:

this is a nicer anecdote that could have ended much worse.

i usually have the bad impulse of getting in the middle of a sale that another employee is having with a client if i think i have pertinent information and i have done it with my manager in more than one ocassion. And he warned me that if i ever did that again then he was just going to dump the client on me regardless of if was already busy with something else.

so, one day he is talking with a client and the client mentions a book that i remembered seeing in the deposit room a few days ago, now my boss was just about to explain that the book wasnt on the store but i interrupted and said that we did have the book.

my manager gets understandably annoyed by this and, as he promised, he dumps in me the responsability to go find the book (which he is convinced it’s not there) just to set me up to fail and then having to explain the client that i had lied to him.

now this sounds like the typical story when the spunky and wide eyed young employee proves his worth to his old and stupid boss, right?

wrong, i was actually really ashamed of my self and worried i had angered my boss so i go look for the book (and find it) and then i check the database and i realized what happened was that the database showed the book as nonexistant even though we had it and that was why the boss thought it wasnt there. this doesnt change the fact that the boss is angry at me so, in a very contrite manneri go back and try to explain what happened, to which my boss answers that i had to explain the client that we couldnt sell the boo to them.

i take this as the boss trying to make a point on me so that i dont make the same mistake again, i have a quick debate of whether i should ignore my boss and sell the book anyway but i decide it was not worth risking making my boss angrier, so i put down the book, tell the client we dont have it and send them away.

then my boss starts to explain in a very condescending tone about how we should mind our own bussines and not interrupt in the middle of a situation we dont understand and then a thought cames to me, could it be that he still thought we didnt have the book?

so very timidly i explain i did found the book and he stops and looks at me confused, and then he looks at the book whichj i am holding in my hand and with the most doumbfounded of expressions he asks “then why didnt you tell me?” i explain that i did tell him and it turns out he misheard me saying the book wanst on the database.

and then the weirdest thing of all happens, he actually apologizes for his mistake, even though in a lot of ways it was my stupidity which ruined a sale that could have happened he still apologized to me. and it it was at that moment i realized i had been reading far too many stories about cartoonishly unreasonable bosses and that was what i had taken him for.

funny how life works out.

(the book was tales of earthsea 3 by ursula leguin, btw)

one more about me being a terrible employee:

my coworkers started noticing that i’m writing these notes down and when they asked me what they ere for i answered “for my blog”

so one particularly slow day where no clients where showing up my boss decides to kill time by asking him to show him my blog. this blog. on this blue hellsite. a danger everyone on the internet always jokes about and yet i never thought could actually happen for real.

cue the steamed hams sequence.

thankfully everything was in english and i hadnt rebbloged porn or any other weird pictures in weeks so everything my boss saw was a bunch of english posts he didnt understood.

dodged that fucking bullet.

some other anecdotes that had nothing to do with my job

part a, my grandfther:

there was a time, as a teenager, where i actually went every week to have lunch and my grandparent’s house after school. in many of these visits i would talk to my grandma (the more talkative and amenable of my grandpas) about what i had done at school.

so one day im talking about some programming that i had done, computer talk, i’m trying to talk in terms as generic as possible because i know she doesnt really follow the subject that well when suddenly, out of nowhere, my grandfather asks me “but... how does a computer store all those things inside? how does that work?”

now keep in mind a couple of things, first, my grandpa almost never talks, and never at all about computers, he doesnt even have a cellphone, not even an old model, he never did,so i dont know where this sudden interest comes from.

secondly, i have no idea where to even start explaining this shit to him, specially considering i dont really have that good a grasp on it my self.

so there i am, trying to juggle in my head things such as flip flop logic gates, binary data, adressing, memory allocation and etc when from out of the ether a moment of pure inspiration come to me and i say

“well, it like how a battery holds electricity inside, right?”

now i know this is not actually quite how it works but the things is that i tink i still did a pretty good job conveying the idea of how we can store huge amounts of abstract energy into a very small physical support, like you see a flashlight and you may wonder how is it possible that such a small recipent can contain so much continuous light?

anyway, my grandpa just nodded and made no further questions

part b, a D&D story:

now excuse me if this dont reach the hilarity levels of a mcelroy podcast but anyway.

this was the third time ever that i was playing D&D and i wanted to play an elf, but not just any elf, a 25 year old elf, esentially a little kid. and i really play to it, i acted naive, innocent, childlike, you get the gist.

so eventually got into the grimy bussiness of a combat encounter, as one does, my party got ambushed by a group of cultists and we started kicking and stabbing and killing and eventually we managed to whittle them down to one single guy. And in line with my young innocence i try to the very last moment to negotiate and talk things through, so when there is just one guy left i sort of stop and ask him desperate “stop! we’ve already killed all you comarades, we are more than you, what are you expecting to get out of this!?”

so the cultist just up and kills himself in front of my poor little character traumatizing him for life and the funny thing is that on some level it got to me, i honestly said that in the hopes that the DM would just stop and give us a chance to interrogate him and that move caught me completly by surprise.

so that was fun.

me being a revolutionary fighting against authority:

a lot of my job involves taking peoples credits cards and identity documents so that they can pay for the book without actual cash, i always have to remind the clients to give me their papers so that i cant actually perform the payment.

one time a cop came to buy some books and i had the rare chance to flip the tables and ask a cop for his documentation.

it was exhilarating

thoughts on books:

i believe that we (and by we i meant those with an actual brain on their heads), we all wish for a world where books are more beloved and respected by everyone, but we forget what happened last time a book became too loved and respected.

that’s right, that book is called, the bible.

(as i was trying to jot this silly little joke on a piece of paper i was interrupted by a client who came to buy a bible, this is not a coincidence because etc)

more on the good book:

these are very real mangas about the old and new testament that we sell in our book store, now im not surprised that these exists as much as i am surprised by the fact tha my very noirmal and serious book store sells these right next to real official bibles like it’s no big deal.

now some actual serious thoughts on religion:

two interesting and opposite situations in which christianity triumphed despite overwhelming odds against, told by someone with a very feeble grasp of history:

first with the roman empire, the romans were the undisputed supreme empire and the christians were a small nation of desert dwellers who existed only to be crucified or fed to the lions, yet eventually the whole empire turned into the chatolic apostolic roman church and were in fact the main reason it spread so far through the world.

on the other side there is the afro american communities taking into slavery on the emergent america. Even though slaves had every reason to hate and curse the god of their slavers the fact is they actually clinged on to christianity pretty hard, to the point that in the long run the black communities became a staple of american christianit, what with gospel and such.

christianity seems to be infectious regardless of it being the champion or the underdog.

thoughts on loosing weight, though it can be applied to other things:

there are two options:

either you dont do it because you can’t or because you won’t.

if you can’t then there is no shame to that becuase it would be unfair to ask the impossible.

if you wont, you can pretend you could if you only wanted to, and this is you choosing not to and there is no shame on that either.

[pinksweatergettingbetter]

alright so we’re back with chapter three - the Great Witch

-

i wonder how much of their memories Nick and Maya have actually recuperated 

the whole thing seems a little dodgy...

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“This bench looks like a torture tool– shall we try it out on you, Nick?”

why is Maya so bloodthirsty in the game?? i mean she’s mischievous, but...

-

ahhh their widdle walking sprites are so cuuuute!

-

hang on– is that a picture-picture of Barnham with his dog?? if so, that should raise a lot of questions...

also why is the only person who *doesnt* comment on the painting Phoenix? he’s the art major.

-

you know, ive seen plenty of Phoenix X Barnham, and Darklaw X Barnham, but I’ve never seen any Phoenix X Darklaw 

i wonder why...

maybe Ive just never come across it

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“Mr Wright, are you alright?”

(no response)

he's dead guys the fucking dog killed phoenix wright 

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luke: I can talk to animals maya: haha omg cool! phoenix, laying in a pool of his own blood: hurgle

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wait did maya just call Barnham adorable by proxy 

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things layton likes: puzzles, stone lanterns 

-

oh fuck i forgot about the puzzles

also what the FUCK muffet

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Patty: I believe in your Phoenix

Phoenix, trying not to cry: cool cool cool

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aww. its nice to have a moment to just talk about feelings, especially between the sidekicks. 

...

...dont go into the forest you little fuckers

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maya likes helms..??

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“I used to come here with Nick. He’d carry the water pots, and I’d cheer him on!”

that reminds me, theres no plumbing. in fact, since its the middle ages, theres not even any outhouses. maya and phoenix have canonically shit in the streets

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DOGS AND CATS, LIVING TOGETHER–

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its 12:30 on a school night and I've spent over an hour trying to help a dog deliver mail 

oh maya solved that one! thats the first AA solve of the game. ...er, to me.

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i dont understand how piccarats work

like, the previous puzzle was 30 piccarats and it was ridiculously easy. this one’ twenty and ive already lost ten points

maybe its to do with how my brain works– the 30 one was a pattern/colour puzzle, and I'm an artist. this one’s about directions, and I'm ASS at directions.

-

darklaw what are you WEARING

you look like a skimpy medieval furry

seriously what is with the metal skirt on bare thighs 

is that supposed to be comfy 

-

man these backgrounds are so beautiful 

-

why did she specifically tell Maya to be wary of witches

-

“You certainly both love your food. Personally, I’d just like a little more sleep...”

amen bro

-

oh fuck

Drosselmeyer wants to see Layton. dont let him brainwash ya!

-

“So this is the deathknell dungeon? Looks more like solitary confinement to me.”

considering the fact that she can see out the door, i doubt its solitary nick. solitary is a sealed box from hell.

-

Maya: you were just scared that nick would fuck up like always!! because he's an enormous fuck up haha!! Espella: i... no, i think he's really great

Phoenix: ...hey can i change assistants please

-

OH HO

CLIFF HANGER 

-

one does not simply

visit the storyteller

-

“come to think of it, during that parade, the storyteller did seem to be held in high esteem by all the townsfolk...”

guys have you not realized that youre literally meeting god yet???

ah see Layton’s got it

c’mon luke keep up

-

pfft they think Layton’s a hatter 

just wearing a tophat does not a hatter make 

-

ah the knights garrison

this is where Chucky stopped playing on his second third-space save 

I wonder why...

-

“And so the travellers finally arrived...”

yeah well first of all??? if you wanted me to get in there faster maybe dont make your door a fucking puzzle maybe 

fuck you old man you aint shit 

(btw i managed to solve it accidentally in the recommended 4 turns by pressing 3 random buttons and then realizing id somehow succeeded)

-

Storyteller: [farts suspiciously]

-

Storyteller: you guys are bad because you stopped me killing children

Layton: 

-

“OOPS”

DUFLUS SHFLS 

LUKE ITS OK 

I LOVE YOU TOO MUCH TO BE MAD

-

Espella: it’s true... that the towns folk look at me in a different way

well for one thing youre a different art style than most of them without being anything usually associated with said art style 

-

oh ok that i was not expecting 

she’s,,, jesus???

-

Maya spitting truths here 

-

wait hang on a second 

first of all– “the great witch is just a character of myth” yeah well EVERYONE is a character, Espella

also, she says she came to live with Patty 5 years ago... which is also what Phoenix and Maya said

when their memories all got altered to include phoenix and maya, does that mean they like, had a whole growing-up-together for five years roster of memories?

13 y/o Espella and Maya meeting, bonding over stuff, wondering why only Maya had to make bread and Espella didnt 

Phoenix–– hell, in the time frame, he’d be ‘Pheenie’ being their older brother. Acting like his 25 y/o self, or harkening back to those days and acting accordingly??

and how shitty it must’ve been when they realized none of it ever happened.

-

“Were these things... My memories?”

well probably not considering im pretty sure that tiny kid being flown over was you

-

i feel bad for nick’s... wherever is getting bitten, but this does lend credence to my headcanon that animals hate phoenix so 

also the inquisitor office theme needs to chill the fuck out

-

“Exactly what are you doing over there on all fours”

dont do that 

“He just sits back and lets his dog bite people, err... I mean, me”

he’s lucky nobody flips the fuck out and bites back. i suppose nobody would dare if they knew it was his dog, but still. not very responsible.

-

“Dr. Delduke” eh

well now

-

“He was no witch.” “Why?”

“HE was a man.”

( Welp, can’t argue with that. )

hey!!! equality to witches!! boys can be witches too!!

-

“Maya... can you get this mutt away from me? I can’t feel my leg.”

“Aww... So soon? I was hoping he’d use you as a blue chew toy just one more time.”

ok, seriously, what is UP with Maya? I can’t remember her ever being this violent in the original series. Like, she hit Nick over the head with the shichishito that one time, but she wasn’t constantly wishing harm on him??

-

as much as i appreciate seeing a tiny maya model i fucking hate the cloud puzzle fuck you for doubling up on it

-

oh i lucked into the answer awesome

this seems to be a running theme...

-

every time someone looks at the bell tower, they always comment on the bell never being heard. it must be foreshadowing.

-

wow Jean is very short

...also I'm calling it now, HE DID IT

-

hmm Greyerl’s voice actress is a little more noticeable than Luke’s...

also OH OK. the fucking bell tower just MANIFESTED OUT OF PURE FLAMES

THATS COOL

-

“He reacted in a moster peculiar way. Unlike others who saw it, he seemed unsettled, as if he was truly afraid of something” 

oh i dunno, maybe the DEMON BELL TOWER???

-

Maya: only YOU can fuck up that badly, nick!

ok... genuinely, utterly, seriously, why is Maya so malicious in this game? She does tease Nick a lot throughout the series, but its usually in a more playful or goofy manner. A lot of the things she says in this game seem sort of unnecessary or weirdly hurtful... especially since phoenix hasn’t done much to warrant any of them.

-

hmm

well, I know what happens to Maya

but what the hell is he doing to Nick?

also I do hope there’s a reeeeeaaaaally good reason for all this...

-

layton flings out his arm to shut luke up skdgkafajkf

-

wait why did the owl bring them that

-

“Luke, my boy... We have the need... to rent a steed.”

LAYTON

oh and they fucking did

-

“You think that’s bad? You should see Nick try and do the laundry– Now that’s a major blunder!”

see that seems a little more in character somehow

especially since its something that seems like he would fail at.

still, weirdly insult heavy...

-

hey hey 

100 coins

-

“in an alchemy sense”

shouldn’t that be an ‘alchemical’ sense?

-

“I guess you’re more suited to small, dark, damp places.”

is that a reference to the mushroom thing??

-

phoenix, in someone else’s abandoned basement: oh no their house plants are dying :( ill water them 

this man??? is pure??

-

“Well well well. If it isn't a well.”

NICK

-

“Come to think of it... I haven’t noticed any plumbing here in Laborynthia.”

HA 

I WAS RIGHT

THEY SHIT IN THE STREETS

-

“As things stand, Mr. Wright is in serious danger!”

uh the story said Maya would die, not Phoenix. It said he’d be cursed, but Maya would be tried and burnt. You should probably be more worried about her...

-

great witch: sup guys I'm gonna fuck shit up

game: the following is too horrifying to look directly at; here, have some shenanigans with Luke and that other bard Bardly was complaining about.

-

“Birdly”

fuck you perhaps

-

NO

WHY IS EMEER THERE

NOO

-

also hi Layton you’re looking a bit uh 

a bit 

...well this hardly makes any sense

doesn’t Layton appear not long after this? also, it’s easy enough to prove Maya’s not a witch; just hand her the staff and ask her to politely turn Layton back. 

that or just cry on him real quick; worked for Ash

-

bweuuuhhh dont cry luke pls

luuuuke

its ok luke magic isn’t real luke

...though from what I’ve heard of your universe, someone could have used Science to turn him into gold and that could be totally real so

just 

c’mon in for a hug lil guy

also see yuh all next time for part... four? i think?

[dreamerology]

my biggest i love monsta x ever!!!!

no offence but if u had told me a year ago that these seven boys would have had this much of an impact on my life and not only that but i still love them as much now as i did on day one (maybe even more) i’d say u were lying. usually my interests come and go in phases and nothing has ever lasted as long as mx???? but i rly truly cannot imagine my life without them at this point. in fact, the 2-3 months at the very beginning of uni where i stopped having time for them and thought i was moving on were the worst of this year (ofc that wasn’t the only reason those months were hard, but feeling like i was falling out of love w mx hurt more than id care to admit). they’ve brought me so much happiness and connected me with so many amazing people and not 2 be cheesy but made me into a better person! like they just continue to have the biggest positive influence in my life and i got the opportunity to meet one of my best friends bc of them, i’ll forever be thankful for them

i know i havent been w mx since the beginnign but!!!! even just seeing shownu grow so much this year has made me sooooo happie!!!!!! i Love how u can just see he’s more comfortable now and seems a lot more at ease……..the fact that hes comfortable enough to host his own solo vlives and no offence but theres not a single thing i dont love abt that man! hes so fucking funny….like its sorta weird humor?? dad humor almost? BUT HES HONESTLY FUNNY WITHOUT EVEN TRYING hes just reached a point where he’s got no filter and will just say whatever and sometimes even the wording will make me laugh dkjfhkjsd the true underrated comedian of the group tbh. hes so selfless too bicht………….i still cant believe he split the money from his solo event w the other members My Heart :-((((((( and when hes on a solo schedule he’s always mentioning the others!!! nd doesnt let anyone forget abt them, they rly are one big family!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!! ALSO HIS SMILE is the cutest shit ive ever seen!!!!! like when he smiles rlllly big nd his eyes crinkle nd he :D and his big “ha ha ha” ,,,,music 2 my ears!!!!!!!! i wish he could be that happy forever. hes the biggest softest teddy bear i just wanna give him a giant hug???

fun fact wonho was the first member i knew abt nd was able to recognize nd such!! my friend who helped me get into mx talked abt him a lot so i grew to love him before i even knew the others!!! actually hes probably still the one i know the most abt bc of her? anyways! angels exist and wonho is living proof of that! his love for mbbs is on a whole other plane of existance???? ive never felt this loved nd appreciated as a fan before nd its all genuine!!!!!. wonho is a monbebebebe first and a monsta second. hes just so full of love….im convinced thats why hes so Large he needs to fit his heart in his body somehow...hes just got so much love to give!!!!!!! he is the most thoughtful and caring person??? like not even towards monbebes and his memebrs but like at the end of mxray when he made sure to buy all the staff and crew little gifts as well, my heart grew 3 sizes for him!!!!!! and im so soo soooooooooooooosososooo proud of him to have some of his songs on the albums this year and not only that but! from zero getting a stage on tv!!!!!! his song!!!! he did that!!!!!! his hard work paid off….i hope he continues to be able to produce more music this year! oh one last thing, i love how? childish he is??? idk if thats the right word but hes always teasing or changing or playing around w the other members and hes always being goofy and laughing and it just makes my heart!!!!! rly happy nd warm

what is there left 2 be said abt minhyuk that i havent already said yet jdfshkjdhf i just! Love Everything abt that boy :-((((((( i love his sunshiney positive personality that never fails to cheer me up, i love how caring he is and how he always makes sure to be there for his members and makes himself open for them, i love his uneven blink, i love how soft his voice is and how it sounds exactly how sunshine looks, i love his fingers go sorta crooked when he makes a peace sign, i love his laugh and how silly he is, i love his thoughtful and serious side, i love how smart he is, i love his toothy smile, i love when hes on stage and he looks so radiant and glowing and u can see how happy he is and how he was truly built to shine, i love his ears, i love how affectionate and loving he is, i love his one (1) dimple, i love how sometimes he just says the weirdest shit…...like i rly wanna understand what hes thinking sometimes, i love how cute he looks wearing hats or how soft he looks in giant sweaters, i love him sooooooo much my heart hurts

can u believe i didn’t used to love kihyun this much? past me was a whole fool! i’ll try to keep this one sorta short too since i’ve already written a love essay for him but! once again i rly do love him w my whole heart!!!!!! absolutely Everything he does is so endearing and i loooove how he cares so much….he rly went and made us our own season's greeting for free nd his photography is rly No Joke! hes so talented nd u can rly see how passionate he is abt it!!!!! it makes me so so happy seeing him talk abt it, like he just lights up its the best thing ive ever seen. i Love his smile!!!! when his face scrunches up and u can see the little dimples on his cheeks and see all his teeth and he laughs and throws his head back or hits whoever’s closest to him or just collapses thats Good Shit!!!!!!!! im so glad he’s happy enough to be able to smile like that!!!!!!! it makes my heart tingle thinking abt him being happy. he rly is the cutest, i love him nd all his beauty marks :D !! nd no offense but hes never had a bad hair colour/style nd thats the tea on that!

chae hyungwon 2018’s lord nd saviour????????? anyways its about Damn Time i write him a love essay :-((((( having both best friends being hyungwon biased ive secretly been converted 2 a whole chaebebe….their love rubbed off on me!!! i love it :D idk where to start...gosh hes seriously so hardworking????? im soooooo so soo so proud of him!!! icb he picked up djing as a hobby nd then made it to a big festival, is on mix and the city and has released not one but two (2) songs only months later!!!!!!!!! we love a talented man!!!!!!! nd his dancing bichksjdfhsdj hes so fluid nd smooth when he dances…...i always find myself watching him first in group practices like there something rly captivating abt him?? please let him show us more of his dancing its So Good. also hes got the nicest voice…...its so deep wtf...but like its So Calming 2 listen to? especially when hes sleepy nd its extra raspy? Good Shit! and when he sings!!!!!!!! bicshjkdfhksdhj hes got one of my fave vocal voices i rly wish he got the lines he deserves :((( hes! So! Cute! jfhsdjfhs he gets embarrassed so easily and always makes the goofiest faces but i love it….he covers his smile sometimes too :-((( i wish he wouldnt its So Bright nd cute nd warm just like he is!!!! hyungwon’s smile is the 8th wonder of the world thats just the facts folks!

mister jooheon……….the true example of the duality of man. i dont understand how he can go from his scaredy cat self to and Actual God,,,blows my mind. i’m pretty sure i’ve said this at least a hundred times but his stage presence is truly Unreal……..its on a whole other level…….ive never seen them live but if i ever do i fear for my life. nd i know once it’s over im only gonna know one (1) man and that man is lee jooheon. but at the same time hes rly The Cutest id trust him w my life???? his eyes are so warm!!!!!! And his Big Smile!!!!!!!!!!! his dimples? deeper than the marianas trench, i wanna build my home in them nd raise my family there. hes such a talented dude!!!! mx don’t have a single bad song thenks jooheon! also for the first couple months i’d alway forget he was one of the youngest? like hes very mature too nd seems very responsible djfhkjsdhfjsd idk how he was the only one 2 be able to keep it together during their first win 2 give the speech…..hes so strong. i love him so much :-( hes so cute nd gentle nd thoughtful...truly the biggest angel who deserves the world!!!!!!!!!!

i think if there's any member i would actually get along best w it would b changkyun. we’re both rly similar from what i can tell...like sorta quiet, but loud around those we’re comfortable with!!! first off hes so funny nd…..weird but like in a good way sdjfhksdjhf sometimes i rly just think he says the first thing that comes to his mind “actually we have a baby” ????? who let him \…..he always makes me laugh reading his fansign notes too omg that being said hes also one of the most serious members at times i feel like. hes just got this rly mature vibe nd he handles things rly well??? idk if that makes sense but Yeah. he’s just someone who’s not rly afraid 2 be themselves, i wish that were me??? ive got so much to learn from them. also icb he literally invented being cute???? he doesn't even have 2 try hes just adorable!!!!!! like his laugh nd smile? The Best!!!!! and when u can see his lil dimples yeahhhhh hes sooo super sweet and cheesy. i looooove how close hes gotten w the other members despite their rough start, they rly are a family nd im glad hes comfortable around them it rly warms my heart!!!!! whenever hes getting showered in love my heart !!!!!!! its what he deserves!

on that note, the one thing i think that has stayed with me more than anything is that one fansign note where ck was asked how he wants to be remembered in the future, when they only occasionally thought abt him and his answer was “that i gave you happiness” and not 2 b a sentimental shit but fuck! i cry every time i think abt that!!!!!!! bc i Know there’s gonna come a day where i don’t think abt them at all! there’s gonna be a day where i won’t think abt them until i see something that jogs my memory and jolts me back to this time and even tho this year has been rough i know i always will remember how much happiness they’ve brought me. i’ll remember how they were able to cheer me up when nothing else worked. i hope one day i’ll be able to feel the Pure Joy i felt when they got their first win….i’ve never felt anything like that before. i cant wait to be able to look back in nostalgia at all the happiness they’ve brought me.

anyways that got real sappy towards the end i gotta blast now bye!

[freerebelmentality]

The night she went away pt3

To catch up, you can clink these links

Part One , Part Two

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Word Count: 1,202

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Kozik is left in the room alone, a song slightly fills the room with its familiar lyrics, melody and notes. He lets the music sink and is taking a walk down memory lane as the song goes on.

“I had all and then most of you, some and now none of you

Take me back to the night we met

I don't know what I'm supposed to do, haunted by the ghost of you

Oh, take me back to the night we met

When the night was full of terrors

And your eyes were filled with tears

When you had not touched me yet

Oh, take me back to the night we met”

He reflects on how these past couple weeks have gone and remembered the great times the both of you had. He feels as though he has been walking on egg shells or the very presence of you is slowly dissolving right before his eyes.

**

You sit in the coffee shops parking lot, people passing peeking into your car and making sure you are alright. But you dont pay attention to them or your surroundings in general. You let the time pass you by.

After several hours have passed and someone comes to your drivers side window. They knock on it once, you dont pay attention, another knock and still dont budge from your deep trance.

“Y/N!” Finally the person yells out your name and knocks even louder.

You snap out of your deep thoughts and pulled back into reality. You look around the area and finally realize where you are and look to the person who has got your attention. You pull back the button and lower the window.

“Wayne, sorry about that” you replied as you rub your eyes

“Are you alright? You look a little dazed” Chief Wayne Unser asks as he looks to you in complete concern.

“Yeah, I didnt realize how tired I am” you replied quickly while you look around the parking lot

“I’ve been getting phone calls about a woman parked here and not responsive. When I came here and saw you. I got a little worried myself because I have been knocking for some time” Wayne says as he kneels a little lower to the window

“Again, I didnt realize how tired I am and didnt mean to alarm everyone else. Im sorry you had to get a false report” you reach for your cup of coffee and its cold.

“Its alright, since you are here. Wanna head in and have a fresh cup of coffee with me?” he asks in hopes you will take his offer and in hopes you will tell him what is going on with you.

At this point you didnt want to brush off the person you have come to like and even care for the old man. In ways he reminded you about your dad and thats what brought you comfort.

“I would love to” you reply as you unbuckle your seat belt and open the door to head inside with Wayne.

You close the door and lock it as you follow him inside the coffee shop. He goes to order the coffee while he gestures you to look for a table for the both of you to sit at and talk. You seat yourself by the window and wait for him. Once he has the drinks is when he walks in the direction of the table.

“Here you are” as he gives you coffee

“Thanks” is all you say and slowly take a sip from your cup and look out the window

“Were you on your way to work?” Wayne asks as he looks to you and he takes a sip from his coffee.

“No, I got a few days off” You reply without making eye contact with him

“Then why the scrubs?” he asks looking confused

“Because I didnt tell Herman and I just got ready for work and walked out the door” you simply reply not even realizing how bad that sounds

“Why not tell him?” he asks trying to make sense of it all

“Thanks for the coffee but Im going to head home now” you just wanted to get away from the patronizing questions and just be alone.

You didnt want to be smothered by anyone, even if that included Herman. You should have felt bad to feel that way but hardly does at all.

You got up from the table and walked out the door, as you got to your car is when you started the engine and drove off. Not enough time for Wayne to stop you or even say something.

Once you got home, you ran up the stairs and changed into pyjamas. Pulled the blanket back and crawled into bed. You were done with the day and just needed to sleep now. Even though it was still early in the evening.

Wayne stood there and wondered what is going on with you. For as long he has known you, this is the first he has seen you this way. He thought about going to the auto shop and talking to Herman about you because he is beginning to worry.

He gets into his car and drives in the direction of the club house. He doesnt like to see you this way and he thought he would get some answers from Herman. Well try to, he gets the feeling he doesnt know what exactly is going on with you. He wished you would have opened up to him.

Kozik heads home after he is done work. Chibs closes the shop while Gemma gets into her car and heads home. The other are left back at the club, drinking and getting to their favourite croweaters.

Once Kozik gets home and sees your car parked in the drive way, he faintly smiles and before he unlocks the door is when he took a deep breath, turns the knob and pushes the door open. He exhales as he looks around the living room but its dark.

The house is quiet, he walks to the kitchen to see if you were in there but no where in sight. Finally he walks up the stairs and when he turns into the bedroom the both of you share is when he sees your sleeping form. He walks into the room and begins to undress as he slips into the bed beside you.

He gives you a peck to your temple, you stir as you move close beside him and places his arms over you. As he has you in his arms is when he begins to smile and watches you sleep for a little bit and before he drifts off to sleep he looks to you once more.

“I love you, just come back to me” he whispers as you murmur sweet nothings back to him.

Both of you drift off back to sleep, no one stirs throughout the night, and Kozik is loving the close proximity. Something he hasnt done with you in a while, along ith other things but he knew something big is going on with you. He hoped soon you will come to him and talk about it. Soon.