#i know the canon legend but i tweaked it to suit my needs

[ck-stone]

How I, a random nobody with too much time on my hands, would have tweaked: Arcane Season 2, Act 2

Just picture it; the dark levels of the undercity, lights flickering in the distance, fog smothering the ground. Our heroes are running through the labyrinth of alleys, anticipating Ambessa’s soldiers or Warwick at each turn. We hear panting. We hear screams in the background. The score is silence and warning horns and low droning strings and percussion that thumps like a heartbeat (think Rio's theme (Agatha All Along) meets the Winter Soldier's theme). One of the characters is bleeding and they press on, hunted down by the strange wolf with glowing eyes. The other refuses to abandon them knowing that they may be condemning themselves as well. We were robbed.

Let me be clear, I love Arcane. I think it’s a masterpiece, I am enjoying the new season, and Lord have I never been attracted to anyone in my life as much as I am attracted to Vi, but that doesn’t mean that I’m above admitting when there’s a drop in quality. And let’s call season 2, act 2 for what it was: a transitionary chapter. Everything that happened, happened only to move the characters into place for act 3 and set the stage for the finale of the play.

So let me enrage you with some of my opinions.

(Disclaimer: This is meant to be an equally thoughtful and comedic critique. These are my opinions, and a lot of this is practice for my own work. If you don’t like them don’t come at me. I don’t give a shit.)

Bringing Vander back was unnecessary and lazy.

Why? Well easy, we already did this in season 1. We lost Vander. We as the audience knew that he wasn’t going to get a happy ending. It was a repeat of an emotional moment that worked in season 1, so they did it again in season 2. It was the same trauma, the same heartbreak, and another dead sibling. Old tricks which felt stale.

I also bet if someone were to clip all the scenes where we got teases of Warwick, it would be longer than the scene that had actual Warwick in it. Now, I know that Arcane is not above retconning League of Legends lore to suit them, but Warwick was something that sat really weird in Arcane canon. Warwick in League lore is a bloodthirsty mindless animal. Aside from his creation, that is all we know. He’s this mysterious force that lingers in the background until your character has that goddamn symbol on your head and then you’re panicking cause you can either finish with the buff you’re trying to get your team and die, or run back to base and have your team scream at you when wolfboy gets the buff even though you have more kills than the ADC cause no one appreciates a good fucking jungle player. Warwick should have been that mysterious force. We needed more intrigue, more dread, more panic, more horror-esque moments where characters are being stalked and we, the audience, are biting our nails at the edge of our seats, unsure whether or not our favourites will make it out alive.

But we get it, they needed to bring the sisters back together. I just think they could have found a different way to do it and still achieve the same outcome; that Jinx now recognises the pressure and stress and guilt and fear Vi held as the eldest, that she no longer put Vi on a pedestal and now see her as a person, and that Vi recognises that Jinx has grown up without her and does not need to be saved, and therefore can stop defining herself by her ability to protect people.

Caitlyn’s development felt as stable as a wet noodle.

In the last act we watched the rapid descent as Caitlyn lost to her anger and grief. And then Vi calls her ‘Cupcake’ and we see the rapid uptick of her story, but none of the in between aside from some skulking around as Vampire Cait (still fucking hot though). We as the audience actually have very little to go on during this time. We don’t know how much of Ambessa’s propaganda Caitlyn fell for, we don’t know how much she questioned, we also don’t see any of the yearning that Ambessa claims Caitlyn was doing for Vi (but plenty of Vi pining, just your average wlw experience). In season 1 Caitlyn was possibly the most compassionate character, and so we can assume that with a little time, she was able to recover some of her nature, but unfortunately the writers seem to be delivering this information by just, telling us. When telling stories, we often say ‘show don’t tell’ as you know, that’s how you tell a story and engage the audience.

Also, her and Maddie just seemed so out of character. Maddie is a subordinate—it is a clear abuse of power—not even to mention that it can barely be called a distraction as Maddie brings enforcer talk to the bedroom. Perhaps that is the distraction. I understand the writers were trying for a juxtaposition of how Cait treats Maddie vs Vi, but it ultimately just feels like them throwing in sex for sex sake. The only thing I can think is that perhaps Maddie is playing a bigger role that we the audience have not been clued into yet. Perhaps she’s spying for Ambessa. Who fucking knows.

And (now this may just be me being sensitive to the topic so perhaps it is not as big a deal as I’m making it out to be) Caitlyn hitting Vi needs to be addressed. That is not a-o-fucking-kay people. Yes, because hitting your partner is bad, but also because hitting your partner, your caring, sensitive partner, who you know suffered years of physical abuse at the hands of your kind (enforcers), is super uber bad. This needs to be acknowledged between the characters, especially for Caitlyn’s arc, as this is testament to her becoming the very thing she fought against in season 1. In this instance, hitting Vi was a more symbolic act than it was a simple mistake, and hurt far deeper than just physical pain. She would need to accept that this was a thing she did, for both her and Vi’s healing, and take responsibility for her actions. In season 1, Caitlyn was horrified to learn about the way Vi was treated, and then went on to shut down the lower levels of Stillwater in season 2, so she clearly still feels strongly enough about it to take action. It would need to be addressed in order for them to move on. And if they end together without having established good communication first, then they will be toxic for each other (I ship it, but I’m also realistic).

Jayce and the mystery of teleportation.

Now, firstly I just want to say that Jayce and Viktor’s stories are poetic with how they mirror and intersect. The foreshadowing was beautiful, the little details like the cog, the fact that Jayce and Viktor represent the two sides of the Arcane; that which is always creating, and that which is always destroying itself. Arcane at its core is a story of siblings, being held together by affection, necessity, being torn apart by the world and ideologies (which includes the cities, as they’re sister cities), and these two are no exception.

My complaint about Jayce is that, how the FUCK did he get to Zaun? He has been missing for months, magically reappears in a structure that surely would have some form of security, and then hobbles his way through Piltover to Zaun looking like a madman, including through the checkpoints, with a Hextech weapon, and no one seems to question it. Realistically, with martial law in place, as well as a literal army surrounding the compound, Jayce would have had a much harder time getting to Viktor. Yes, I am nitpicking, but I am not about to suspend disbelief just because the scenes were pretty.

So then Stone, how would you have approached these points?

Firstly, those three episodes could have been two (and then one more episode to expand on what they already had).

We left characters like Ekko, Heimerdinger, and to an extent Mel and Sevika, to instead focus on a story we already knew the ending of (Vander), which only serves to lessen the impact as we as the audience have gone from guessing to anticipating. There’s an army in Zaun. Surely the rest of the city would have been at least curious about what Ambessa and her forces were doing in the undercity. Even if nothing came of it, you’d have Sevika trying to rally people to do something about it, and even this in itself would have built tension.

And as beautiful and melancholic as it all was, Vander’s backstory, meeting Jinx and Vi’s mother, was ultimately unnecessary beyond that of pulling heartstrings. It would have had a place in season 1 (especially as there’s nothing in season 1 that alludes to Jinx and Vi having known Vander prior to their parents dying, so it just feels like a rather major detail to overlook), but unfortunately in season 2, it simply cramped what was already a rush to the end. We got the letters to Silco, the photos, we as the audience could piece together the rest from there, and it would feel a little more bittersweet watching the sisters piece the past together too.

We needed more Warwick as Warwick. We could have just as easily had Jinx and Vi get back together for other reasons, perhaps due to Vi’s downward spiral into self-destruction, perhaps related to the chembarons and their search for Jinx, perhaps because Zaun is unifying and they kidnap Vi as she was an enforcer for like five minutes, perhaps still because of Warwick, but rather the threat he poses, especially if Ambessa gets her hands on him, and then had them meet up with everyone else as the Noxian was still hunting the wolf. It didn’t necessarily have to be at the compound where Hammertime (shellshocked) went to assassinate Robot Jesus. We could have had those dark scenes of hide-and-seek amongst the fog and caught glimpses of Vander within, just enough to leave the audience questioning and perhaps allow Vi and Jinx to escape alive (I really wanted those dark scenes of hide-and-seek amongst the fog).

We needed more of Caitlyn's development. There needed to be some sort of acknowledgement about what happened in the previous act. It didn't need to be a conversation—that could wait until act 3—but we at least needed to see something, even something as small as Caitlyn carrying guilt. They had a chance to lean into certain themes here, explore the type of person Caitlyn wanted to be, and have her face who she has become, see her at her lowest. Would her mother be proud of her? Does she feel as if she's making a difference? Has she become the evil she sought to destroy? They could have brought back the 'what are you shooting for?' line, which would have been a nice touch. Just anything to sow the seeds of her development.

Also, does Mel not question how she survived a torpedo to the fucking back without a scratch? Cause I sure as hell am.

But all that being said, act 2 was still decent.

And fuck did I cry when Isha said her goodbyes. That hurt. Like, a fucking lot. Looking forward to whatever emotional hell they have prepared for us in the final act.

[lena-in-a-red-dress]

Runaway Princess, Part 2 of 2

Continued from Part 1

Kara announces herself to the first guardpost she comes across. Watching the young soldiers trip over themselves would almost be comical, if not for the heavy weight pressing against her chest.

She shouldn't have left. Not without saying goodbye. Not with their last words being spoken in anger. But she knows that had she waited, she would have stayed.

The Kingsguard arrives in less than a week to escort her back to the capital and her family, but that’s still six days of waiting, alone with her thoughts, sequestered from the young contingent of guards manning the post.

Six days with nothing to do but replay her last words to Lena, colder and more biting with every loop. Six days of stewing in her regrets and sudden doubts. Six days to convince herself that she presumes too much, to think the fate of an entire kingdom hinges on her presence.

Nobles die frequently, even young ones, and the world still continues without them. She could stay gone, stay with Lena, and remain one of the lost.

But her memories of Thorul remain fresh in her mind, and she can't bring herself to leave again.

When the Kingsguard arrives, Kara surrenders Exeter to the Captain.

"I borrowed this horse off a traveler," she informs him. "Their camp is three days north of here, in a copse of elm trees. Please assign your most trusted man to return him."

The Captain nods. "It will be done, my lady."

While Exeter returns north, Kara travels south with her guard. They travel quickly, and though she catches the impressed whispers of those surprised by her ability to keep up, Kara doesn’t have it in her to gloat. A nervous ball of anxiety roils and swells in her gut the closer they get, and her thoughts remain divided between the fight she'd left behind, and the fight yet to come.

But when she is hurried through the palace gate, Kara doesn't find irate rulers waiting for her, but her mother and father, tearful and overjoyed to see her. Their relief soothes her anxiety, and reaffirms her decision. She’s made the right choice.

Hasn’t she?

Kara later learns that Mon-el has married another in her absence: a Saturnian princess with riches to spare and the patience-- and iron will-- of a saint. With the impetus gone, her parents seem content to allow her to slip back into her role and govern unmarried. Slowly, she takes on more and more responsibility and neither has any complaints as to her performance.

Nor do they protest when Kara sends a missive to Thorul, offering aid and supplies on the condition they cease their war with Mars. The response, when it comes, is a vague yet diplomatic decline.

And through it all, Kara misses Lena.

Her mother seems content to pretend the ordeal never happened, but her father finds Kara late one evening, and asks what she’d experienced on her travels.

Kara's heart twists at the echo of her last words to Lena, and her last glimpse of Lena's face, stricken with hurt.

"Kara?" Zor el asks, hand warm as he reaches for Kara’s hand.

Kara meets her father’s gaze, but pulls away from the comfort he offers. The smile she offers is empty.

"I learned the meaning of kindness."

The Captain's trusted knight returns to the capital with Exeter still in hand. The camp had been deserted, he reports, and despite his best attempts to find a trail to follow, there were none. The traveler was long gone.

The news is the final nail in the coffin encasing her heart. It doesn’t stop the hurt, but makes it permanent, a constant ache she carries with her every moment of every day. It becomes a part of her, and puts to rest the hope of ever seeing Lena again.

When her parents finally broach the subject of marriage again, more than a year after her return, Kara agrees.

Fearful of a repeat escape, her parents insist she choose her own match. They issue the call for suitable matches, but deliver the responses to Kara for review and selection. Kara can hardly bring herself to care. Marrying for love matters little-- she'll never love another the way she loved Lena, and loves still.

But even with the good of her people outweighing the longing in her heart, how can she choose? A Martian match would bring honor and knowledge, but not much else after the long and ongoing war with Thorul.

Or Starhaven for their commerce?

Even Thorul with its vast lands promised resources if their war ever ended.

Kara sits in a sea of paper when her father finally finds her. He clears a seat, and starts leafing through the responses.

"Surely you can find someone suitable from all this."

"They are all suitable." Kara sits back in her seat, defeated. "I am awash in suitability."

Her father pauses, glancing at her in surprise. Before her months away, she’d never been one for melancholy. Now she's steeped with it, and she well knows it.

Still, she doesn't apologize.

"Kara," her father says finally, "you should know that while my marriage to your mother was arranged by our families, we are very much in love."

Kara shrugs. "I'm not concerned with love, Father."

"Then what is your concern?"

"Krypton. All of these suitors would prove a valuable alliance, in their own way. But how can I know which way will be the best for Krypton?"

Her father hums, regarding her carefully. "Do you remember the tale of Thara Ak-Var?”

Kara nods. “She defeated Gann Arkar following his attempted coup, and reclaimed her family’s crown.”

“She also faced a similar crisis, when her counsel called for her to take a husband. She’d hoped to thwart their will by setting her suitors to three impossible tasks. To her dismay, one suitor surpassed every challenge.”

“You mean… the Trials of Nightwing and Flamebird?” Kara scoffs. “You can’t be serious. They haven’t been held in thousands of years!”

“There are some that would prefer a return to tradition. I’ve tasked the royal historians with finding ways to integrate old traditions with our newer ways. The Trials were among them, once the arrangement with Daxam fell through.”

He says it without accusation, as casually as if he discussed nothing but the weather. Kara considers his proposal. “What if no single suitor wins all three tasks?”

Zor el laughs, his mirth warm and contagious enough to pull a tiny smile to Kara’s lips. clasps her hand.

"Then at the very least, my daughter, you will have narrowed the fish in the sea to three."

The historians propose the Trials as three challenges:

The Hunt - All suitors will have the same twenty-four hours to present their hopeful intended with the game of their choice. It symbolizes the perpetual chase of Nightwing after Flamebird, but with a happier ending. The hunters may use any tools but only that which they can carry on their person.

The Pledge - The original Nightwing had been tasked by Rao to perpetually create. Flamebird had been tasked to destroy her creations. To honor Nightwing’s toils, the suitors each pledge a construction to Krypton. It can be of any origin, for any purpose, but must be built on Kryptonian soil, to benefit the Kryptonian crown.

The Duel - Once a fight to the death, the rules have been modified. Only blunted weapons may be used, and the suitors will face off in a tourney, weapon type to be decided by lots, until a single suitor is left standing, and named champion.

Upon completion of the three challenges, Kara-- the intended-- will weigh the value of each gift, and in consideration of their conduct and standing in the tasks, choose her betrothed.

With this in mind, Kara narrows her pool of suitors to six: Mars, Durla, Starhaven, Colu, Terra, and Thorul. As she issues her invitations, Lena's features linger in her mind.

This is for the best, she tells herself. The Trials will honor Krypton's history, and will give her criteria from which to choose.

"This is for the best," Kara says again, as if repeating it will make it any less false.

Preparations take nearly a year, but on the eve of the first challenge, Kara finds her stomach in knots. She receives each of her suitors graciously along with their delegation. Though she has some idea of whom each kingdom has sent to compete for her hand, their faces remain covered per Kryptonian custom. They will compete anonymously, identified only by the royal crests emblazoned on their tunics and armor. They compete for their nation, not themselves.

Kara wonders only for Thorul. She's surprised they accepted in the first place, considering their exchange following her return and the fact there’d been no rumor of the king being in want of a wife. But Thorul presents itself before her with crisp heraldry and a deep bow from the suitor.

Huh. She'd heard the king was taller.

They spend the night feasting, and at dawn the following morning the procession of suitors makes its way to the edge of the forest-- the same forest she'd fled to, with...

No, Kara, she scolds herself. Enough.

At the edge of the wood, the hunters are reminded of the terms for their task: only what tools they carry with them, and in the time between one noon and to the next, they are to return with what game they believe worthy of their intended.

When the horn sounds, all five suitors sprint for the woods.

Their delegations remain, and Kara flits among all of them alongside her parents, doing her best to make new friends and establish a foundation for future alliances regardless of the trials’ outcome.

Starhaven is the first to return, at dawn the following morning, hauling six strings of rabbits. Quantity over quality, Kara notes, seeing a few too small and too young to be considered good game.

Kara thanks them regardless.

"It will feast us well tonight," she offers with a rehearsed smile. "Thank you for your gift."

Terra returns next, dragging a trussed deer behind them. It's large, and bears the wound of a single arrow.

Durla returns with a string of trout, won with patience and keen timing.

Colu returns with... mushrooms. Through their herald, Kara is informed that mushrooms can be more nutritious than animal meat, and these in particular were a rare delicacy.

Kara accepts these too, with similar gratitude-- and a mental note to learn if Coluans were against ingesting all meat, or just wild game.

Mars returns mid-morning, moving slow under the large boar dripping blood across their shoulders. Applause greets them as they carry their kill through the camp-- its defeat is a triumph of both strength and courage.

Thorul is the last to arrive. Just before the herald blows the final horn, a shout at the edge of camp alerts them all to the final suitor’s return. Kara waits as they make their way closer, and as they wind their way through the crowd, she hears a wave of gasps travel across the gathered audience.

When the crowd finally parts, she sees that her suitor is not dragging a carcass at all, but instead leads a live stag with a pelt of pure, snowy white.

Kara can barely tear her eyes from it, with its unnatural blue eyes and the downy antlers atop its head. It seems almost like an illusion, but when she steps forward, it whuffs and tugs agitatedly against the makeshift halter the suitor had fashioned from loops of rope.

No illusion. Just a single, miraculous find. One that-- aside from heaving flanks and patent exhaustion-- is absolutely unharmed.

Kara looks to the suitor, swallowing her shock. "It's beautiful."

The masked face of her suitor stares at her for a long moment, before they look to their herald. The herald listens to the suitor's low words, and conveys them forward to Kara.

"My master understands that it breaks with Kryptonian tradition, but requests the beast not be killed. Instead, they beseech your majesties to allow it to returned to the forest following the evening’s festivities."

Kara nods, agreeing even as her father chimes in. "There is no rule that the game must be slaughtered. No, this animal is more than its meat. It shall return it to its home when we return to ours."

The crowd erupts into applause, and the Thorulian suitor is soon swept away by congratulations and festivities. Kara stays with the stag, and continues to stare.

"I've never even heard stories of such a beast," she whispers to her father.

He nods. "It is a kind heart that values the life of a rarity more than its ownership." He squeezes her shoulder. "Thorul may surprise us yet."

True to their word, when the procession prepares to return to the palace, they release the stag to the wood. It disappears within moments, and Kara issues a quiet prayer to Rao, asking he grant the creature a safe journey home. When she opens her eyes, she finds the Thorulian suitor staring once more from behind the the thin, dark cloth that disguises their features.

They don't approach. They don't speak.

After a long moment, the suitor bows once more before returning to their delegation.

That night is more feasting and celebration. Servants carry platters upon platters of food to their tables, and the wine and mead pour to overflowing. Kara barely tastes any of it. Her thoughts remain with the stag in the forest, and wondering whether Lena ever saw a creature like that.

The next day passes quietly, in both recovery from the night before and preparation for the Trials to come. After the Hunt, however, the Pledge is a placid affair. One by one, each suitor approaches Kara with their herald in tow.

Terra promises a fleet of ships, faster and more agile than any Krypton has seen before.

Mars vows to erect a temple in Rao's honor. Though they honor different gods, Mars respects all deities, and those who peacefully worship them.

Starhaven offers an opulent palace, as lavish as any who have come before it.

Colu pledges a school, and the teachers to fill it, large and grand enough to admit any who wish to attend and learn of science and literature.

Again, Thorul speaks last.

"Thorul pledges a home."

Kara shares a look with her father. "For the newlyweds?" he prompts, attempting to draw out more details.

"No, my lord. For those who have none."

A wave of incredulous murmuring washes through the crowd. The herald continues.

"In honor of the betrothal, the first home will be dedicated to the children of Krypton, those forced to streets by loss or circumstance, those without family living or caring. Then, after the first year, Thorul will pledge a home to any family who cannot afford or are not capable of building one themselves."

Kara's throat tightens. The suitor gazes at her still. She wants to hear their voice, have some clue of their identity. But it's the herald that continues.

"If selected, our suitor knows they will be made to feel at home in Krypton. They only wish to grant the same to all Kryptonian citizens."

Silence follows. When her father nudges her, Kara realizes it is her turn to address the suitors. She stands.

"Thank you for your generous pledges," she tells the suitors. "All will benefit Krypton greatly. I shall weigh them all carefully-- in the meantime, please enjoy this feast, prepared in your honor.”

The crowd cheers, but still Thorul stares.

The third and final challenge welcomes the public to spectate. Crowds upon crowds fill the large stadium constructed just for this task, and soon the air fills with exuberant excitement. Despite its ultimate purpose, the event is a true tourney, and the crowds feast upon their own excitement until they are raucous and loud and boisterous.

Kara's stomach twists in anxious anticipation.

After the tourney, she will make her selection. Without seeing her suitors’ faces, she will choose a match for her kingdom, and the person she would share the rest of her life with. Suddenly, she wishes the historians hadn’t kept with the tradition of anonymity.

The first three rounds are assigned randomly, weapons chosen by a roll of the dice. Starhaven trounces Durla with speed and efficiency in unarmed combat. Terra proves the better bowman, nailing three bulls eyes while Colu plants a neat grouping in an outer ring.

But what the public truly came to see is Thorul and Mars. News of their war had spread, and chance brings them together in the first round of the tourney. The weapon is staves, and Kara watches with her heart in her throat as the embattled nations go head to head.

Both suitors prove themselves nimble fighters, their movements smooth and acrobatic. There is intensity in their movements, but not menace. In fact, they almost seem to be having fun, giving each other space and time to show off with elaborate tumbling passes and graceful combinations.

It doesn't follow a tradition of bloodshed, but the crowd eats it up. To Kara's surprise, they cheer for Thorul.

"My people tell me that word of the past two trials has spread," her father tells her. "The Thorulian suitor has made quite an impression."

And their suitor gets the upper hand almost by accident. Mars gets off balance, and Thorul helps them along by spilling them into a pinning hold with Mars' leg trapped between staff and body.

It's showy and dramatic, sending the crowd to roaring. Mars taps out, and accepts Thorul's hand in getting up. They offer a deep bow to Kara, then a shallower one to the spectators before clasping hands in a match well-played.

They seem almost friendly. More than.

"Perhaps news of their war have been false," Kara murmurs. Her father has no response.

For the second and final round, Terra, Starhaven, and Thorul step into the ring together, swords in hand. Each weapon is duller than a butter knife, but Kara’s throat constricts at the menacing glint of sunlight off polished metal. At the sound of the gong, they begin.

Terra turns on Thorul immediately, marking them as their greatest rival. Thorul deftly deflects and engages, trading blow for blow with one eye towards Starhaven, who waits placidly to see how the impromptu face-off will end.

It ends with slow predictability-- Thorul drives Terra back, step by step, and gives no ground in return. Thorul is relentless, and before Terra can stop to consider their position, the gong sounds to signal the disqualification. Terra looks at their feet, as though shocked to find themselves out of bounds, before looking up to meet Thorul's shrug.

Kara is so caught up in the exchange she almost doesn't notice Starhaven creeping up to take advantage of the relaxed exchange of good humor.

"Watch out!" Kara cries, the words swallowed by the roar of the crowd as Thorul flings themselves to one side, narrowly dodging the shove that would have sent them out of bounds as well. They roll smoothly to their feet, and circles Starhaven in ready strides, head swivelling to keep their opponent in sight.

Starhaven loses patience first, and charges. Thorul steps neatly out of the way, making Starhaven stumble to find their target no longer there. Starhaven sweeps their blade through the air, and Thorul dodges again, hopping backwards across the sandy ground never allowing the blows to come close to hitting. They don't retaliate.

Kara soon realizes that this is a strategy in and of itself. With every unchallenged blow Starhaven grows visibly furious, until their strikes are sharp and angry. Every wild stroke saps energy, and leaves the crowd jeering. When Thorul's first return volley is a smack of the flat of their blade to the seat of Starhaven's pants, the crowd erupts into laughter.

Starhaven issues a bellow of their own, deep and guttural and full of rage.

Alarm hammers in Kara's heart as they charge once more. This time, Thorul engages. They parry, letting the blades slide off each other with a sharp shiiing of metal. They parry again and again, deflecting each blow off Starhaven with seemingly little effort at all, while Starhaven visibly slows and tires.

But even Thorul's good humor has its limit. On the next pass, Starhaven locks their hilts together, bringing them close. Their arm jabs forward and lands what Kara's assumes is a barehanded punch to Thorul's ribs, until Thorul pulls free with shout and slams their fist and hilt into Starhaven's face.

The shift to true violence jars the crowd to silence. As Starhaven reels, Thorul reaches for their ribs, and with a jolt Kara can feel from her seat, pulls a knife from the niche between their armor plates.

Blood stains the sand, drawing a roar of outrage from the spectators.

"Cheat!"

"Foul!"

“Coward!”

Kara nearly shoots to her feet, ready to end the duel right then and there, but her father's hand on her shoulder stays her.

"Thorul has not cried foul. Let us see what they intend to do.”

So Kara remains seated, vibrating with tension. On the field, Thorul visibly flags, one hand bracing their wounded side and chest heaving in pain. Starhaven straightens, emboldened by their success.

There's no finesse to their final charge. Just a roar that is swallowed by the clamor of an enraged crowd, and a massive double handed swing intended to do as much damage as a blunted weapon can inflict.

A single, feminine cry carries above the din, as Thorul lifts their sword to deflect. Starhaven's sword turns aside, scraping along the outside of Thorul's gauntlet. The cry turns to a bellow as Thorul halts Starhaven's charge with a massive kick to their chest, slamming their foot directly into the engraved crest of the Starhaven royal family.

Starhaven's feet fly out from under them, and they slam bodily to the ground. They go still for a long moment, and in the sudden silence, Kara hears a cough and a gasp from the fallen suitor before they roll, clutching their chest in obvious pain.

Thorul kneels, leaning in close to speak into Starhaven's ear. After a moment, Starhaven reaches out with one hand and taps the ground twice.

In the silence that follows, Thorul climbs back to their feet, hand still pressed to their ribs. To everyone's surprise, their free hand plants their sword in the sand before extending toward.

Starhaven to help the fallen suitor rise as well.

"We have a champion!" Kara's father booms. The crowd goes wild, and as the competitors offer tender bows to their hosts, he leans in to speak in Kara's ear. "And what a champion we have."

Yes, Kara's thoughts echo. A champion indeed.

That night, the feast is loud and boisterous, but not quite enough to drown out the pounding of Kara's heart. She doesn't eat, and notices neither Starhaven nor Thorul do as well. The remaining four seem in good spirits, as though content for another to be selected.

When the time comes, Kara's father lifts his hand, and the herald pounds the floor with his staff, calling the room to attention.

"The time has come!" Zor el announces. "Suitors, please gather."

Already drifting to the front of the room, the suitors form a single line, shoulder to shoulder. They wait, and Kara feels her heart climb up her throat, desperate to escape.

"Lady Kara," her father prompts. "Please make your selection."

Kara rises, and stands tall on legs that threaten to collapse.

"I thank you all again, for honoring Krypton's custom and history by participating in the trials. Your conduct over the past three days have given me great insight into your characters, and though I shall only select one of you, know that I look forward to getting to know all of you better in the years to come. You have proven the honor and good faith of your kingdoms, and I am glad to have made your acquaintance."

Some more than other. She forces herself not to glare at Starhaven’s masked face. Their poor conduct during the duel still rankles, but Kara cannot admonish them after Thorul had conducted them with such grace and aplomb. No matter how she might wish to.

"I have weighed each of your gifts with great consideration, and have made my selection."

A ripple of anticipation travels across the room, and Kara takes a deep breath.

"For their choice of game, I received a reminder of the beauty that exists in Krypton, and with their pledge, they have placed value in our people, and demonstrated they understand the importance of service to the realm."

Kara continues to address the crowd, rather than the suitors. She pretends not to notice the way Thorul stands so still, frozen in place. She pretends not to feel their hidden eyes upon her, drinking her in. Rooting her to the spot.

"And with their conduct in the duels, they have both honored the spirit of our customs, and demonstrated a strength of will and character that Krypton will cherish, for all their years to come."

With her father's steadfast presence behind her, and the crowd waiting with bated breath, Kara lifts her chin and squares her shoulders.

"For my betrothed, I choose Thorul."

Her declaration meets with exuberant applause. She had made her match for Krypton, and Krypton gives their approval wholeheartedly. It should ease the knot climbing up her throat, and yet…

The remaining five suitors bow in deference to her decision, and acquit themselves graciously. They drift back to their delegations, leaving Thorul to stand alone.

The Thorulian herald approaches, a proud and pleased smile on his face. "My lord and lady, it is my honor and privilege to present to you, Princess Lena of Thorul."

The suitor's hands lift even before the herald finishes, pulling back their hood and tugging the black mask down below her chin to reveal dark hair, pale skin, and a jawline Kara's recognizes in intimate detail.

Lena.

Her Lena.

Kara's heart trips in her chest as she stares, and dares not to blink lest the apparition dissolve into so much smoke.

Lena gazes back, holding Kara's stare unwaveringly.

Zor el fills her stunned silence. "Well met, Princess!" Green eyes shift to Zor el, and bows deeply in greeting. "We'd heard you'd been lost!"

The princess’ gaze slides back to Kara, addressing her simple response to her newly betrothed.

"I was found."

The feast continues long into the night, but does so without the new betrothed. The Thorulian delegation withdraws shortly after the selection, following the final steps of Kryptonian tradition.

Kara departs as well, as much to freshen up as to finally collapse onto a seat as her trembling legs finally gave way. She had imagined it, surely. A trick of the light and her mind's desperate attempt to say goodbye to her first and final love.

But when she steps into the privacy of the portrait gallery to meet her betrothed an hour later, the figure waiting with her back to the door has the same slope of Lena's shoulders, the same ruddy tint when the light catches her dark hair just so.

The door clicks audibly behind her, sealing them in a tenuous silence.

"L-Lena...?"

"You left."

Kara's breath catches, as a sob crawls up her throat. It is her. It's her, it's her, it's her... "Lena, how...? Why?"

"You called me selfish, stole my horse, and you left."

Finally, Lena turns. Seeing her again feels like a kick to the chest, but it's the tears glinting in her eyes that tears her heart asunder.

"Lena, I'm so sorry," she gasps. Tears of her own spill down her cheeks. "Those things I said-- I shouldn't have--"

"You were right." Lena's anger deflates in an instant. Suddenly, she looks smaller than she ever did. "I ran from my home, from my people, and never looked back."

Kara swallows thickly, wiping her cheeks. "You have now."

Lena shrugs with a bitter smirk. "Let's just say walking to the next town on foot gave me time to think."

A laugh bubbles out of Kara, and she freezes in chagrin. But when Lena's lips lift into a careful smile, Kara beams and rushes to close the difference.

She throws her arms around Lena's neck, clinging to her as her laughter wobbles back into tears. Lena turns her face into Kara's neck inhaling deeply. Her shoulders loosen, but her grip tightens, refusing to let go.

"I've missed you," Kara murmurs through her tears. "So, so much."

It's been almost two years since their argument in the woods. Two years of dreams and fading memories. And here Lena is, solid in her arms.

She squeezes Lena tighter, only draw back sharply when Lena hisses in pain. "What? What happ-- oh my god, you're injured. That stupid, no-good Starhaven bast--"

"I'm fine, my lady," Lena murmurs. "Just... maybe watch the hands for a while."

Kara gasps another laugh, gathering Lena's hands in hers.

She doesn't let go.

They speak for hours that night, and in so doing, Kara learns the truth.

Lena had indeed run, much like Kara, but not just from the rumored marriage.

"All my life I was told I was nothing,” Lena tells her, seated on the intimate couch nestled between sculptures of Kara’s ancestors. “When my mother announced the wedding, she made it explicitly clear it wasn't for political advantage, or alliance-- Starhaven was simply the kingdom willing to take me off her hands the soonest."

"Starhaven? That's why..." Kara's fingers flicker towards the bandages hidden beneath her tunic.

Lena nods. "Lord Edge doesn’t forgive a slight-- not even one inflicted when we were barely thirteen. Nor does he appreciate his jilter competing against him for the hand of another."

Thirteen… Lena has spent a long time alone.

"I couldn't live the life they wanted-- shoved to the side, ignored... powerless." Lena can't meet Kara's gaze. She stares at their laced fingers instead. "So I left. It never occurred to me for a moment that they'd ever miss me."

Kara squeezes her hand, mourning the child Lena had been: wanting for love and purpose. "If the marriage was intended for Starhaven, then why the Martian War?"

Lena sighs. "It took me months to work out that Lex's advisors were misleading him. And he's so damn stubborn he had to hear the collusion for himself before he believed it. But he did, and dismissed them. I've been helping him broker peace ever since."

"You seemed friendly with the Martian suitor..."

"M'gann and I have grown familiar over the course of the negotiations. They're a reasonable people, especially once Lex agreed to pay reparations. If Lex keeps his own counsel, I think our people may be allies yet."

Kara gazes at Lena, drinking in the sight of her easy confidence. She'd never noticed before, the way she'd been wound tight against judgement. But the lack of it now is unmistakable. Her years on the road may have helped her find her power, but returning home has given her purpose.

"Your brother..." Kara says carefully. "He doesn't sound like someone who didn't miss you."

Cheeks coloring, Lena looks away. "The night I returned, I stole into the castle. I didn't want to be seen until I knew how he'd react, and he--"

Her voice gives out, and her lips tremble. Kara leans against her, offering silent support.

"He'd never hugged me so tight before," Lena whispers. She almost cries, but she wipes her tears away with a smile. "He almost didn't let me come here, he was so scared to let me out of his sight again."

"I know the dowager passed, some years ago. I imagine he must have been thrilled to learn he had family still living."

"He found Mother’s journals, after the funeral. It wasn't until he read how she thought of me that he realized why I left. He'd never realized how wretched she was."

Lena’s thumb rubs soft circles against the back of Kara’s hand. Silence gathers around them, insulating them from the rest of the world. Kara stares at her, and watches as Lena seems to struggle with some new truth she’d yet to share.

Finally, her gaze lifts to meets Kara's with solemn intent. "Kara, you should know... he's named me his heir. He intends to make the proclamation after we announce our betrothal."

Kara grins. "Then he is indeed a wise king."

"No, Kara, it means... when his title falls to me, it means our two kingdoms will be bound. They could unite, if we wish it."

Kara cups Lena's cheeks with both hands. "If Thorul is anything like its princess, then Krypton would be all the richer for it."

A dark eyebrow lifts. "Even a selfish princess?"

Familiar shame chills Kara to the bone. Her lips press together as old tears burn at her eyes. "I should never have said those things, Lena. I've regretted them the moment I gave voice to them.”

Lena shrugs. "You were right. Even if you didn't know it. I ran from my duties, and for far longer than you did."

"You are also the one who took the hand of a desperate, terrified girl," Kara reminds her, bumping their foreheads together, “and helped her for no other reason than because she asked. And then…”

Pulling back, Lena meets her gaze with startling intensity. “Then?”

Kara smiles.

“You gave her the world."

[thevictorianghost]

If you could rewrite legend of korra and make it your own(or just in general better) how would you do it? The villains would stay the same and korra and crew are the same(personalities you can definitely tweak a bit. I would definitely not have any love triangles and make korra and asami happen in the beginning) how would you do it with your ships being canon as well?

Okay so I’ve never actually watched LOK. I’ve heard A LOT about it through watching countless video essays on Youtube and reading Tumblr posts about it. I know the who, the what and the how, I just haven’t wanted to watch it because, even though it looks cinematically gorgeous, the story was written by Bry/ke and there’s a LOT of it, worldbuilding and storywise, that I just can’t bare to watch.

So here goes. This got long. Enjoy!

1) Remove the Decopunk world. 

A Decopunk world is a world where technology is 1920s-ish, but very advanced. We have cars, tanks, radio, bobs and faux bobs, cloche hats, short skirts, nice suits, etc. I adore Decopunk. The 1920s are one of my favourite eras. An optimistic way of looking at the world, partying, illegal alcohol, the remnants of the Great War... I love it. I really do. But it doesn’t work in the pre-established world of Avatar. It brings elements that are far too imperialistic and colonial in nature (which prompted the comics to be imperialistic and colonial in nature, with the Northern and Southern Water Tribe, you can find many posts about that), which came along hand in hand with the Industrial Revolution, as this article puts it so well. Please read it, it’s awesome.

Why did they feel they had to denature Avatar’s world? They already had everything they could possibly want. 

The Fire Nation could be more Steampunk, which is a little less advanced than Decopunk (First Industrial Revolution vs Second Industrial Revolution) because there were elements of Steampunk in the Fire Nation Army (such as the tanks, the navy and the dirigibles). But it could be for them only. It could show us how Zuko transformed the Fire Nation from a war industry to a steam-powered country. This could be the new way to channel firebending (and please, no more “anyone can do lightning bending”, you don’t need lightning bending to get electricity and it makes  Zuko, Iroh, Ozai and Azula weak in the show!). 

We’ve seen waterbending used in clever ways in the Northern Water Tribe. How could Katara’s waterbending and Sokka’s engineering influence the Southern Water Tribe to make them use waterbending more? Canals, waterfalls, waterways, etc.? In new and different ways? Could the Southern Water Tribe use hydroelectricity, but in a clean, sustainable way? Why does the Southern Water Tribe port look so... mundane? 

The Earth Kingdom already had a working train system in Ba Sing Se. And the postal system in Omashu. Toph could have taught earthbenders how to follow the Badgermoles way and dug tunnels throughout a nation in peace. Then boom. Subways. But instead of machines pushing the people along, you can have benders do it. Instead of messenger hawks, the postal system could run through the entire kingdom instead of just Omashu and be much more efficient. The Earth Kingdom could be praised for its fast postal system that could, maybe, work as telegrams.

I’ll come back to the Air Nomads.

Those are just examples from the top of my head. I don’t mean “never allow technology to “””progress””” (I use that word veeeeery loosely because it has huge imperialistic undertones). I mean instead of trashing the fun parts of bending to make way for Decopunk technology that doesn’t need bending, work with it! Get creative! This worldbuilding feels... too easy. When Avatar: The Last Airbender was praised for its worldbuilding.

I adore Decopunk. I enjoy it far more than Dieselpunk and it’s much less known that Steampunk. But it has no place in the Avatar world.

2) That doesn’t mean “remove Republic City”.

First of all, it should honestly have a better name. It’s kind of like naming a city “Democracy City”. Which is way too on the nose. Harmony City sounds better, and that’s the first thing that came to mind. Anyway.

I really like the idea of a city being built in the spirit of Iroh and the White Lotus. To allow the Four Nations to live together in harmony in one city. But why is Republic City literally New York City with an “““Asian””” flair? What is up with that? I know New York is the MOST Decopunk city ever (you can’t encounter anything Decopunk without seeing New York, with its Art Deco buildings, the Harlem Renaissance, the Prohibition, etc.). But they do NOTHING with it! They just take New York, change some names, add some Asian flair, and call it a day. 

I don’t want 1920s New York for Republic City. I want Zootopia.

What happens in a city where all the Four Nations are represented? How does Water, Earth, Fire and Air work together? Big cities tend to be quartered in neighborhoods, so each neighborhood could be a smaller version of their nation. We could have a Northern Water Tribe next to an Earth Kingdom next to... you know what I mean? Each neighborhood could be a small-scale introduction to the nation for Korra first, then you can send her to that nation afterwards!

Which leads us to this.

3) Have Korra follow a traditional Avatar’s journey. 

I really don’t know why they decided that Korra would learn three elements before the age of sixteen (when that’s the age Avatars usually START their journeys) and then only have her learn Airbending during the entire show. Wasn’t the structure of each Book being about Aang learning one element at a time a good structure? Why go out of their way to NOT do that? Why was it the White Lotus’ prerogative to train the Avatar in the first place, too?  

So let’s have Korra know waterbending first (and show Katara teaching her, please!), then she can learn Earth, Fire and Air. By going to the Earth Kingdom, to the Fire Nation, and to the Air Temples. This could help develop each nation and show us how they have grown through the years. And it could lead Korra and the audience to figure out that there’s not only Aang who has had children to represent the Air Nomads, but there were other Air Nomads who survived the genocide and we can actually see the Air Nomads as a thriving culture.

So about Republic City. As I said, we could keep it. But now that Korra is going on a traditional Avatar journey, you could have, say, one episode at the beginning and one episode at the end of each season taking place in Republic City. To show us how each Nation’s neighborhood works and as an introduction to Korra before she actually takes the plunge to travel to that nation. 

Please! Build upon the Avatar world at large more! Come on!

4) Stop it with the love triangles. 

Many have talked about the Mako, Korra, Bolin and Asami love triangles. I’ve read once that they don’t exactly feel like friends, they’re only colleagues who share the fact they all dated Korra at one point. Which is sad. Knowing that the Gaang is so beloved because they’re such GOOD FRIENDS first!

So work to build strong, healthy friendships first, THEN start thinking about romance if you have to. And please, if you want a ship to be endgame, don’t have it so you have to confirm it on Twitter. 

Don’t.

Oh! And also. Bolin and Eska’s relationship was unhealthy as all hell and treated as “funny” and “comic relief” because a woman was being emotionally abusive to a man. That’s terrible. Please don’t do that.

5) Don’t let Katara fall to the side like she did. 

Many, MANY before me have talked about how Katara got the short end of the stick in LOK. Where’s her statue? Where’s her recognition as the Greatest Waterbender in the World? Why is she day in and day out in the healing hut, when she said “I don’t want to heal, I want to FIGHT”? Does she even have a waterbending school? Or is that completely fanon? Why does she allow Aang to take one of their children on life-changing field trips while leaving their other kids behind? Aren’t they also Air Nomads by birth??

It’s okay to worship the old Gaang because, well, we all love them! I do love Aang, even if I give him a hard time a lot, but I love the character. I just don’t like the way Book 3 Aang was written. But some characters shouldn’t have everything while others have nothing. Aang is LITERALLY THE STATUE OF LIBERTY. But where was Katara’s statue? And also, what happened to Suki?? What happened to Mai or Ty Lee, too?? Or even Sokka?? He died some time ago and... that’s it??

Which brings us to this.

6) Zutara, Taang, Sukka and Mailee.

I’ve seen that picture of Toph, Aang, Sokka and Katara being edited with Zuko and Katara next to each other, Toph and Aang next to each other, and a (suddenly alive!) Suki next to Sokka. I think that’s so good! It feels so healthy!

Not all relationships that started when people were kids work out. Sokka and Suki seem the strongest relationship at the end of the show and they’re probably the only ones I could see working out in the end. Sokka could become the Southern Water Tribe Chief and Suki could become his Queen when she’s retired from the Kyoshi Warriors.

Katara and Aang would be lifelong friends, of course they would be, but I don’t really see them lasting. Aang was twelve when they started dating. They’d date a few years, then they’d decide they want other things. That’s a good thing to show kids!

I’ve written many metas about Zutara, but Ambassador then Fire Lady Katara would show a changing world, where the Fire Nation, now no longer a war industry but a Steampunk country, is moving forward, with Zuko literally marrying a woman the Fire Nation tried to wipe out. They would be equals and leave an equal mark upon the world. Together.

Toph and Aang would be amazing together. They’d be a great team, working in the Earth Kindom, helping rebuild the old Temples when the Air Nomads came out of hiding, and bringing peace around the world. I don’t think they’d be a conventional relationship. They’d do their own thing for a while, find each other for a while, work together on some projects, then continue doing their own thing. Aang being the Avatar who travels the world and Toph teaching metalbenders and working with the King in Ba Sing Se and Bumi in Omashu and wherever she’s needed. I think Toph would be much more fulfilled than what we’ve seen of elderly Katara. She doesn’t have Katara’s abandonment issues (I’ve talked about them here) and she’s more independent, I believe.

I know I haven’t talked about them much yet, but I want Mai and Ty Lee together in the end. Badass ladies challenging their respective stereotypes and create a new world for themselves. Mai could find herself away from the Fire Nation court (I don’t know what she’d do, but circuses love people who throw knives, don’t they? She could be a circus performer for a while), and I think Ty Lee, in this version, could work at the circus and with Aang to rebuild the Air Nomads. I love the idea of Ty Lee being a descendant of the Air Nomads.

All of them should be shown creating Zootopia-like Republic City. Because of course they should be! They’re the Gaang!

So yeah, that’s how I would see the world of Avatar grow beyond the borders of the original show! :)

[phthalology]

Star Wars Legends: Idiot’s Array

In honor of today’s movie, here’s the “Han Solo is Force sensitive” story I wrote ten years ago. I kept thinking of it because of the sabacc theme and because the end still works remarkably well with the new canon. So, with a few tweaks, this is the same post you might find on FFN! 2,600 words, gen.

Roulette wheels spin. Hands with dirt under the scales on their sides drop chance cubes and watch them bounce. Sabacc cards shush against one another. The players covet their hands, tallying up the numbers. But at any moment the values could shift, snatching victory from some, delivering it into the hands of others, becoming all possible numbers and suits for one immeasurable moment….

1. Chance

It started with wishes, as so many stories do. Surely every child wishes at some time in their life to be a Jedi, and tries to move something from across the room to their hand with only their mind. But young Han Solo, crewmate on the Trader's Luck, did not have the luxury of far-fetched dreams, of stillnesses in which to squint and test imaginary powers. His dreams were ferrocrete, not clouds: he longed for a successful business, for safety from older, nastier space pirates such as Captain Shrike, and often enough he got those things through his own abilities at dodging—or ending--trouble. He had an abiding faith in persistence.

2. Hazard

The Empire occasionally sent out warnings, lists of danger signs. Beware of men who speak cryptically, of children who float in their sleep, of even one-credit roadside fortune tellers, of laser swords. Ostensibly, these mandates were to protect the galaxy's citizens from Force-users, those dangerous individuals who had been granted more power than good human judgment (not to mention the unstable and primitive minds of aliens) could handle. Han paid little attention to them, involved as he was in his own matters of business. The Corellian tradition of Jedi were as far from his thoughts as the Coruscanti one was.

3. Legate

Many years later, after the dream of escaping the Luck had been realized and all more far-fetched ones had been forgotten, Han slouched in the dimness of the Mos Eisley Cantina and looked at Ben Kenobi. Part of him did not trust the man; he was a raggedy exile, maybe even a slave trader. One did not simply give people like that a ride, no matter what they were paying, and expect to have a peaceful journey.

But another part of him had a gut feeling that he was meant to do this. That he ought find out everything he could about the old man and the boy, because—he didn't know, maybe they had known him once or something. That's what it felt like—déjà vu.

He compromised by acting noncommittal and allowing them a ride.

4. The Star

When Han saw Luke Skywalker practice with the lightsaber in the Millennium Falcon's hold, he was skeptical of whether the Force was simply an invention of old Kenobi's mind or not. While it certainly sounded difficult to deflect something traveling at the speed of light with something else made of a sort of light, it was no more improbable than a human dodging blasterbolts, which he had done, inadvertently or purposefully, enough times.

5. Moderation

"I've never seen anything to make me believe that there's one all-powerful force that controls my destiny..."

Not control, no, but sense—Han could identify Kenobi's location as surely as if a tracking screen were in front of Han's eyes….as surely as he had, so many times, picked enemy spacecraft out of the sky with the forward lasers before the tracking screen had warmed up.

"…In my experience, there's no such thing as luck."

If there wasn't, what had Han lived on for so many years?

6. Demise

Kenobi never got to tell him directly, but when the old man died, Han distinctly heard his voice say, "Carry on."

7. The Wheel

The stars spun around him as the Falcon plummeted toward the Death Star. The battle flared between surprisingly few starships; the Empire had known it didn’t have to release the fleet to take out the handful of Rebel squadrons. But somehow, without lights cluttering his tac screen, this fight felt even more confusing than usual, even harder to keep straight in his head. Because he wasn't sure whether he was doing the right thing, whether following Luke into this suicide mission would be worth it or not (it was worth getting Chewie to stop looking mournful), whether his life was going to change for the better or not (or whether that mattered any more if the Rebels didn’t survive).

And it was not only inside his mind that chaos was building. He felt the tension of battle, and he had felt it before, but back then he was in the Imperial academy and other TIE pilots were shouting through the comm even if they weren't supposed to, jokes and orders and death-screams. This was silent except for in his head, like he was going mad, but he knew he wasn't. Because they said that madmen think they're sane, and he knew he wasn’t. He's wild with the Force, wild with uncertainty, but also driven by I have to rescue them (replace 'them' with Luke, Leia, the Rebels, or 'my future' ).

So he whooped like a madman and, pointed by the Force to the tiny trench on the side of the Death-Star-become-horizon, came to the rescue.

8. Balance

First, he had to decide whether he was going to tell anyone.

The days went by and he tried, tried to confront Chewbacca’s steady gaze, or Luke's innocent eyes or Leia's sharp ones (sharp as daggers, he can't look at her too long or his mind will feel like it's falling away from the world, but if he endures, then everything is all right, because what replaces his mind is happinesshurtwonderment). But he did not know how to begin.

Finally he decided: following, he supposed, his master's lead, he didn't tell anyone anything about the power he suspected he had.

He would not speak of it, would not pursue the power, because, also, then the line between himself and Luke would blur. They were two separate pillars of the Alliance, the noble and naïve, and the gritty and skeptical. Everyone expected the two to be foils to one another. They only needed one Jedi.

9. Endurance

"Deck officer! Deck officer. Has Commander Skywalker reported in yet?"

"Sorry sir, I don't think he's come back from patrol."

Luke's presence—the terminology had snuck in to Han's thoughts, although he'd tried to drown it in memorizing tactics and spacelanes, in thought of Leia, in the occasional drink because the Force was too complicated—glowed dimly in the back of his mind.

He could follow it like a beacon, and so he did, out into the cold, out into Luke is unconscious—I've got an excuse for why I don't just tell him now.

10. Queen Of Air And Darkness

The Force was not a willing tool of Han's will; in fact it seemed to have a capricious and cruel will of its own in terms of when it allowed Han certain powers or when it worked for him at all. When Leia kissed Luke, Han could not with certainty tell whether or not she was doing it just to make him jealous (even if she didn't know that was why she was doing it), but he was pretty sure.

But Han could not hate Luke. (Consider him naïve and young, yes, but never hate.) They were too together in the dangerous gaze of the eye of the Empire, too bound by shared death-defying experience. Luke seemed oblivious to Han's growing acceptance of whatever modicum of the Force was within him, but Vader, Han knew, especially as he became more and more integrated into the Rebellion, would not be, and even Leia's weight against his as they struggled in the passageway to escape from Hoth could not dissuade the feeling of being watched, even if it was by only one black-lensed eye.

11. The Evil One

No power helped him when, in Cloud City, Darth Vader finally stopped to take notice of Han. His chest was raked with claws of electricity as he screamed and waited for them to ask about the one they kept referring to dispassionately, harshly, as Skywalker.

But Vader's eyes had not been closed on Hoth; he had another target as well.

No questions were asked. Pain simply opened the door to Han's mind, and Vader swept in.

Minds are not as simple as datapads, but Han could tell that he was being read like files, like simple charts and graphs, and could stop being read no more than those objects could.

Vader found Han's power and read it like entrails.

The pain faded away slowly. Vader's booming laugh rose out of the haze the pain produced, like a monster out of the sea, before allowing Han's other senses to recover.

"The Force persists," Vader said, triumphantly as if he had known all along and was only now savoring the revelation. The laugh bit at the edges of his words as if all along he had been holding it in.

"Mopek," Han cursed. He raged at the Force, although his body was immobile. If it had dropped him into this nest of pain and abandonment, then by the Nine Gates of Corellian Hell, he'd abandon it—"I don't know anything about it."

"No," Vader rumbled, "you do not. It is latent in you." He turned away. Luke could have taught me, Han thought. I could undo my bonds right now—but he would not wish that that had happened. It was anathema to his nature, to his old, injurious, oh-so-safe desire to trust only himself.

Vader turned again and Han felt one more layer of pain spear into his arm; dimly he saw a syringe withdraw, filled with his blood.

"You are lucky, Solo," Vader breathed, "that the bounty hunter wants you alive, and that you are too weak in the Force to matter to my Master."

The torture continued, and deep in a quiet, locked space of Han's mind he saw that this was all so that Luke would do what Han had done on Hoth; track him through the Force and rescue him from being caught in a snow storm against which he could only create a temporary shelter.

When stormtroopers took Han back to the detainment cell, he could only collapse into Leia's arms. The desire for secrecy wrestled with the overflow of his thoughts. He compromised and did not lie. "They didn't even ask me any questions."

12. The Universe

That's enough of this Force mopek. I don't want it. It doesn't fit me, it's a burden, it complicates an already kriffing complicated life. People have been killed in this war, and it hasn't helped me save one of them. Han fought with his thoughts and threw them away, as he crouched under cover of tall, leafy plants on Endor. His squad arrayed around him triple-checked their blasters, oblivious to his frustrations.

But he could not stop himself from being concerned about others. (That thought immediately brought him to the thought of her, because Luke didn't need a rival, and Leia didn't need another man in her life who was likely to be killed in the service of an invisible master.) The thoughts and power that Han rejected picked up a stormtrooper crouching behind a nearby plant, trying to pick off the Rebel squad, and slammed him into the trunk of a rotten tree that shattered, like Han's expectations, into one thousand tiny pieces.

13. The Idiot

Leia said, laughing behind her words (like Vader had--), "He's my brother."

Han wanted the astounded, perfect kiss to last forever, to remain uncomplicated, but digging into his heart was his secret. It prevented her from nesting alone in his thoughts, as if the Force were a mistress. So quietly he said, unable to meet her eyes, "Leia. I think I'm Force-sensitive."

She touched his chin to turn his face toward her, but would not meet his eyes either; she looked weary and sad, as if she had aged the light-years Luke had between Bespin and Tatooine. "I have it too," she said. "The Force is strong in my family."

And so Han decided at that moment to learn, to explore this power, so that he might know Leia better.

14. The Satellite

The moon of Endor, which had no name except the one which the Ewoks gave it that simply meant 'forest/universe', rang with the sounds of celebration. Dancing shapes whirled past the firelight. But Luke was staring into the trees, cold to the communal warmth, and Han and Leia moved toward him to try to draw him back toward the heat.

But as they approached, they saw what he was looking at. Three figures glowing like clouds at sunset, the drop beyond the tree visible through their sky-blue-tinted bodies. A young man, with curly hair, a scarred face, and a lopsided smile. An alien, less than a meter tall. And Kenobi, smiling with the light of unfettered knowledge behind his eyes. Han did not recognize the young man by face.

But his Force presence was unmistakably familiar, even distilled and brightened as it was. That man was Vader, in his happier days.

The cards are fixed now, their values set. One player wins, and others lose. Their lives go on.

Sabacc rarely changes live, or saves or takes them. But the Force is no mere game of chance…

15. The Destroyed Starship

Even as Luke discovered more and more records of the old Jedi Order, he never found another Solo who could have been Han's ancestor and link to the Force. So there was no knowing what his powers would manifest as most often, although he was moderately good at all the usual things once he got used to them. (He never could enjoy lightsaber combat. Although he kept the black-wrapped hilt of the blue blade attached to his belt, he always used blasters when he could.) He spent time with his children in Luke's academy, learning as they did, until the Yuuzhan Vong war made his skills as a pilot more essential than those as a Jedi.

So there was no precedent for the vision that wracked him soon after the war was over, when everyone felt a glimmer of hope again.

No precedent for the terrifying certainty of what Jacen was going to become.

The galaxy wept in the back of his head, threw minor chords with the vehemence of a crazed conductor and an enslaved orchestra, pressed against him, insisted (he was finally going to save it), and in its throes he walked through the apartment like a sleepwalker (except he was awake, so clear and awake that time did not exist anymore and he could see everything, could see Mara Jade slaughtered, could see Jacen tempted and fallingfallingfalling) and walked into Jacen's room and primed his blaster and saw his son sleeping (adult and scarred but so deceptively innocent-looking now) and could almost taste the new name on the tip of his tongue—!

[2187nomore]

Finn’s Rules & Verses:

I got a request from someone who can’t see my pages while on mobile, so for anyone else having trouble here they are! Note that while I don’t change my rules much (or basically ever lol) the VERSES information here is definitely not going to be up-to-date because I am forever making new aus...but here’s a start, at least, to give you something to explore until you get back to your computers!

Mun is named Nicky and is well over 21. Muse’s age will vary. Multi-ship and multi-verse.

RULES:

Following and Mututals:

This is a sideblog of nickyrp and as such cannot follow back.

We do not need to be mutuals to send memes or starters. Feel free to throw things like that at me at any time even if we’ve never played or plotted before. If I’m not interested or just too busy etc I promise I will let you know politely and not just leave you hanging!

If you want to play please send me a message or toss me a starter; I’m bad at paying attention to my follower count and probably didn’t notice your subtle arrival! Or thought you wanted to lurk idk. Say hi!

If you are a multimuse with a lot of characters or a lot of fandoms all on one url, I may not follow you because that tends to be overwhelming for me. It’s nothing personal nor a comment on your writing style; it’s just more than I can easily keep track of, myself. (That’s why mine are all on their own sideblogs.)

If I can’t read your blog (small text, low-contrast colors, etc) I will not interact with your character. I don’t have the best eyes and straining to read sucks all the fun out of rp. If you need any of my formatting or color choices adjusted for your own ease of accessibility please let me know! I will do so happily.

You can reblog any of my shit (headcanons, graphics, verses, meta, whatever) even if you’re a personal blog, I don’t care; it’s all one fandom imo. That said please don’t reblog my interaction threads with other people because most rp-ers do not like their things reblogged and I want to respect that. If I reblog anything of yours you do not want reblogged just let me know and I will delete it; I promise it’s just because I thought the thing was cool and got excited!

Interactions:

I am always up for trying new things so if you have a crazy idea, please hit me up! I promise I rarely disintegrate anyone.

I am happily open to interacting with Original Characters! I need to know who your character is though, so if you don’t have a bio or background I can find on your blog I’m not going to be interested.

I will not write smut with anyone under the age of eighteen.

If I ever do something that upsets or confuses or offends you, please let me know. It probably wasn’t intentional and I always want to be called out on problematic behavior because how else can I learn to do better? I promise to react apologetically, not defensively.

Formatting:

I’m a visual person so I like icons and gifs and will almost always incorporate them. If you don’t want to use images that’s cool with me, but I majored in comic book art so I enjoy the marriage of words with images. I should further admit that interactions with visuals do tend to keep me more excited than plain ones – I’m shallow!

I’m not a big fan of fancy formatting. I don’t mind if you use it but I don’t. Feel free to adjust my formatting to suit your aesthetic if that makes you more comfortable, but I’ll likely keep mine simple.

If you need any triggers tagged message me and I’ll do so gladly.

I am extremely uncomfortable with reylo due to the fact that I interpreted Rey as being analogous to Jaina Solo within the opening minutes of TFA. If you play either Kylo Ren or Rey and enjoy that ship, I ask that you not reference it in any interactions with my Finn, and furthermore that you tag it so that I can blacklist. Thank you!

Canon & AUs:

I have as of yet read very little of the expanded universe materials for the New Canon (a few comics, the Thrawn novel, etc). As such, my portrayal of Finn may at times be lacking in regards to supplemental canon information. Please never hesitate to inform me of any details relevant to your character or any ongoing/burgeoning threads. I appreciate that assistance!

As far as the Legends EU goes, I have read most of the old novels (excepting NJO period) and many of the Dark Horse comics but that is a lot of material and I do not promise to remember everything. Please let me know if I make a mistake or assumption you do not agree with; I promise I will not be offended!

I will generally default to putting Finn into the canon of the Sequel Trilogy because that is where he comes from, but I am happy to play him in Legends Canon too – just let me know! If you don’t indicate verse/time on a meme or starter, I might pick another verse (or make a new one) so please indicate where you want to play if you have a preference!

I also love making AUs whether canon-divergence or totally off-the-wall so please don’t hesitate to throw new verses my way! I love both plotting and winging-it when building new worlds, so don’t be shy!

Characters Relationships & Shipping:

Platonic Ships: For my interpretation of Finn, friendship takes precedence as the most important thing in his life right now. He never had a chance for much of that in his life before leaving the First Order, and he’s still getting used to the idea of caring about people and being loved in return. So please, bring me all the platonic ships – pals, mentors, comrades, buddies, frenemies – you can think of!

OTPs: My favorite ship would be Finn/Rey/Poe and I would be thrilled to play out some polyshipping. I also like the idea of Finn/Poe and Finn/Rey on their own, and while I don’t think TLJ gave us enough to build a Finn/Rose ship from I would be thrilled to explore that option properly in rp as well. Likewise Finn/Jannah although to be frank I like the idea of Ex-Stormtrooper BFFS even more than Ex-Stormtrooper Lovers, but really anything’s good there! Honestly provided that there is chemistry and a basis in friendship to build the ship from (whether that be formed via interaction or plotted ahead of time), I’m probably down. Interspecies ships with non-human characters are also welcome!

NOTPs: No teacher/student, adult/minor, or incestuous ships, please. Given Finn’s history, I am very unlikely to ship him with any First Order muses in anything outside a massively different AU but I’m not listing them as strict notps because let’s face it: I love AUs.

One-Way Ships: I will never force a ship on you. I expect the same courtesy in return. That said, you are more than welcome to have your character express unrequited romantic feelings toward mine. If it ends up crossing the edges of my comfort zone I’ll let you know!

Main Faceclaim: John Boyega

VERSES:

While I will readily play in canon verses, I am also a big fan of AUs and canon-divergent verses. If you don’t see something here that looks like your cup of caf know that I am always happy to plot out a new one! (Note that while I will always write Finn as being Force Sensitive, he will not always know he is and thus his connection with the Force will vary from verse to verse. Any questions, ask!)

SEQUEL TRILOGY VERSES:

Pulled the Trigger (alt-TFA): FN-2187 did not enjoy the battle – the slaughter – on Jakku, but he did what he was trained for. It didn’t matter that it made him sick. He obediently returned to Jakku to search for a droid and found more than he’d bargained for: a girl who thrashed half his unit with nothing but a stick. 2187 eventually got the drop on her but Kylo Ren’s impatience sent an airstrike, and in the ensuing chaos 2187 had no option but to pretend the reason he hadn’t shot Rey was because he was a Resistance sympathizer. They fled together and returned to the Finalizer to rescue the droid’s master. 2187 figured he would tag along and turn them in as soon as he got a chance…but they succeeded in their mission, and the longer he spent with the Resistance, the more he began to think he didn’t want to leave. Too bad he’s already reported their destination to the First Order…

The Newest Hope (alt-TFA): Finnick Peckhum has always been able to hear the voice of the Force. For years, he tried to ignore it – but eventually the call was too loud. Finn followed it Ahch-To, to Luke Skywalker. The self-exiled Jedi Master was reluctant to train a new student after Kylo Ren, but even he could not deny the will of the Force itself and gave-in, teaching Finn the Jedi arts – but another call summoned him back. The young Jedi Knight arrived on Jakku just in time to help a scavenger escape a First Order patrol. Finn heard the Force in Rey too, and knew he had to train her in the ways of the Force – and to find the Resistance led by Luke’s sister, Leia. With a Jedi Knight and his Padawan on their side, the Resistance finally stands a real chance. Together he and Rey will take the fight to Kylo Ren, intending to right the balance he upset with his turn to the Dark…one way or the other.

Another Kriffing Farmboy (alt-TFA): growing-up with a loving, hard-working family on a planet so far from galactic civilization it might as well not even be on the charts, Finn Peckhum never gave much thought to politics – until the First Order bombed Ennth and destroyed everything he ever loved. Frightened of their overwhelming might, Finn gave no thought to revenge until yet another low-paying freighter job took him to Jakku where he crossed paths with a droid and a scavenger desperate for a ride off-world. Agreeing to smuggle them in the ship he worked on in exchange for a hefty reward seemed like a chance to safely tweak the First Order’s nose until they blew up that ship, too, leaving Finn and his new allies to flee in the first wreck they could get their hands on. As things got more and more dangerous, Finn kept meaning to leave – but somehow, he never got around to it, and the next thing he knew General Organa was handing him a blaster and welcoming him to the fight…

There Is Another (alt post-TFA): while the lightsaber never called to him the way it did Rey, something helped him retain his humanity through the First Order’s brainwashing; something helped him hold his own against Kylo Ren with a weapon he barely understood…and that something was the Force. While Rey was off seeking Master Skywalker, General Organa helped tutor Finn in his own Force skills while his body knitted itself back together under the tender ministrations of Resistance medtechs. He might never be able to able to best a true master of the Force, not without more thorough training anyway, but Kylo Ren was no Darth Vader. And with the new lightsaber he’s just completed, Finn can’t wait for a rematch with the monster who almost severed his spine and broke his teacher’s heart…

Trusted Leadership (alt-TLJ): most of the Resistance’s leadership was lost in the explosion that wounded General Organa, but General Antilles had always been a cockpit warrior himself and hadn’t been anywhere near the ship’s bridge. When Poe took the plan he, Finn, and Rose had concocted to him, Wedge was happy to put his own resources behind the scheme and with a reliable slicer in tow, they infiltrated the Supremacy and shut down the tracking program, allowing the Resistance to escape. Holdo was furious with Antilles but he had the rank to whether her temper, and thanks to the timely arrival of Rey and Chewbacca in the Millennium Falcon, the infiltration crew made it back to the fleet only a little the worse for wear. The Resistance went to ground to lick its wounds and plan its next strike against the First Order, and Finn was officially inducted into the fight by a recovered Organa.

The First Pebble (alt post-TLJ): no one ever gave much thought to stormtroopers as people, not the First Order or the Resistance either. They were just there, anonymous and disposable shock troopers…but they weren’t. And Finn proved that both to the galaxy and to his former comrades. Within the stormtrooper ranks, his choice started a revolution. When word got around that he had even bested the mighty Phasma, not once but twice, well…it made all but the most strident diehards take notice. Now Finn wasn’t just some ordinary defector; he was a rallying cry. The first time a stormtrooper unit got in touch with a request for help defecting, Finn thought it was a fluke – but Poe Dameron knew better. He knew this was the start of an avalanche that might bring the First Order down from the inside…if Finn is brave enough to make himself the face of this new revolution.

Matched Lightsabers (alt TROS): in the wake of the Resistance’s near-obliteration on Crait, the survivors have to work harder than ever – which in Finn’s case means more than just running missions and pitching revolt to stormtroopers. It means training with Rey and Leia in the use of the Force. He was an uncertain, reluctant apprentice – but Leia was adamant that he learn, and Finn could no more say no to the General than to the Force itself. Confidence was his biggest hurdle. What business did a former stormtrooper have learning to master the Jedi arts? It wasn’t until he and Rey walked onto Exogol that Finn finally admitted to himself that he was a Jedi – a declaration that nearly killed him. Together, they managed to defeat the half-resurrected Palpatine and restore peace to the galaxy. Now Finn faces his biggest challenge: how to teach as well as learn.

The Next Jedi (post TROS): Finn never expected to become the first apprentice of the New Jedi Order – never really wanted it, if he’s honest. But the Force had been whispering in his ear for years and eventually, that whisper became a shout he could not ignore. Even with the First Order crushed to ash and dust, there is plenty to be done patching the galaxy back into shape and building a new government to keep people both safe and free; plenty of things for Finn to focus on instead of his training, working with Poe and Rose and Kaydel and Chewbacca…but Rey is stubborn, and so is the Force. Even if it scares him as much as it entices him, Finn is going to have to learn…and alongside his friend and teacher, someday construct a lightsaber of his own.

Stormtrooper Advocate (post TROS): Finn knows that Rey wants him to focus on his Jedi training while Poe and Rose want his help with their diplomatic efforts – but Finn knows who really needs him now: all the lost stormtroopers recruits who need to dig their way out of the First Order’s brainwashing and learn to be people. It’s a lot of trauma to recover from; a lot of indoctrination to unlearn. Alongside Jannah and her crew of defectors, Finn is spearheading the reclamation effort. Whether that means designing programs for prisoners, negotiating cease-fires with stranded units, taking whole bases down with stun-blasts for forceful deprogramming, or just giving broken kids someone to talk to, Finn won’t give up on these people. They're his people and it’s his responsibility to save them. If he doesn’t, who else is going to care?

Running All His Life (alt post-TROS): as long as Finn could remember, he’s been running away from something…but it wasn’t until facing Kylo Ren in battle that he realized that something was the Force – and that realization terrified him. Watching Rey struggle to master Leia’s teachings and learning more about how Ben Solo had become the monster in his nightmares only cemented that fear, and Finn did everything he could to deny what he’d long known was true: he could feel the Force, too. He knew he was being a coward, letting Rey face that burden alone; lashed-out at Poe for keeping secrets about his past out of guilt for his own silence…but he couldn’t, daren’t, admit the truth to anyone. When Rey tried to tell him she could sense the Force in him, he denied it; when she started searching for Force Sensitives to train, he threw himself into his work rebuilding a galactic government alongside Poe, Rose, and Jannah instead. But every day the voice of the Force in his head is getting louder; how long can he keep running?

A Knight Of Ren (alt Trilogy): the First Order tests all their stolen “recruits” for Force potential, and they found it in the one designated FN-2187. Trained alongside the next generation of the Knights of Ren – mostly taken from the First Order’s youthful conscripts, some gathered along the way – to wield the Dark Side and serve Snoke and Kylo Ren, Finn was loyal and devoted…and troubled. While he was a strong Force user, he could never fully commit to the power of the Dark Side; never completely embrace it. Knowing that his doubts made him weak, he did his best to push them away…but then he met the girl from Jakku, and his whole world went sideways.

LEGENDS EU VERSES:

Rebel Defector: just because snubfighter jockeys and ranking officers made the splashiest exits when they left Imperial service didn’t mean they were the only ones. For stormtrooper conscript FN-2187, the Empire was the only option – until stunts like the Rand Ecliptic and monstrosities like Alderaan changed his mind. Getting away from the Empire alive wasn’t easy, but when Finn was assigned guard duty for a Rebel prisoner he knew his chance had come. Talking half his unit into coming with him and dosing the other half in stun blasts, he marched the prisoner onto a Lambda-shuttle for transfer to the Lusankya…and then the rebellious stormtroopers overpowered the Imperial pilots, opened the Rebel’s binders, and jumped to freedom. Adjusting to service in the Rebellion’s infantry was difficult, but not as difficult as carrying-out Imperial orders. And maybe someday, he’ll make up for what he did for the Empire and can go on to have a normal life at last. (for Rebellion and New Republic-era interactions)

More Coming Soon! like literally as soon as soon as someone asks for or suggests one, I love AUs. Don’t be shy!

[lotrewrite]

Commentary: Episodes 1-6

I’ll preface this by saying that I loved all the episodes, and I could visualise everything like I was really watching it, so I’m mega excited. I also know that these are rough drafts from everyone and the dialogue/scenes are just examples of the direction we’re heading in and are just the initial product, so people might already be aware of what I’m saying. It’s just that I’m unused to giving constructive criticism outside of an academic sphere so I really want to underline that I do appreciate the hard work that’s gone into these outlines and I hope that I’m not stepping on toes or upsetting people. It’s a creative effort and it truly shows!

Overall comments: I love each episode individually and have a lot more positivity than criticism. What I will say is that we’ll all have to be careful of pacing, since (am I right in saying?) most of us probably more used to prose than screenwriting when writing fanfic. Other than that, no major issues, which is amazing considering how many of us there are, and the fact that there’s 22 episodes! Great job, guys! :-)

Also please ignore any misspellings of Darhk – I hate that stupid silent h so much.

Episode 1 –

-          I love Jax sticking up for Mick, particularly when he points out that Mick is still edgy about anything to do with Cronos

-          We need the info from Eo’s panicked speech but on reading the information seems a little clumped together and rushed. Maybe punctuate it with Darhk asking him what he means and then Eo has to clarify.

For example:

[“I’m out-running my own non-existence,” Thawne explains. “Nice little perk of being a speedster – but now I’m being chased by the worst thing out there, even worse than the time wraiths: the Death of Speedsters.”

“The Death of Speedsters?” interjects Darhk. “Bit dramatic.”

Eobard is unimpressed. “It’s the Black Flash. He has my scent now and he’ll never stop following me – so I need to keep moving.”

“And how exactly do you plan on outrunning death itself?”

“Our little deal, that’s how. I have some time before he figures out where and when I am, but I need to make sure that the timeline that my ancestor dies in never happens, and the best way to do that is to make a massive adjustment to the timeline early on.”]

-          I love Mick’s interaction with Rex; I actually prefer this shorter scene to the original episodes, it plays as both comedic and practical

-          I think you’ve kept a really good balance of new content vs sticking to canon, the scenes gel well together

-          Especially love the end scene with Kendra and Oliver

-          Thanks, liked this!

Episode 2

-          I don’t see a problem overmuch with the spear pieces ‘whispering’, it’s a pretty well-known trait of ‘mystical things you 100% Should Not Touch’ and experience with pop culture already tells us that the only people who can hear it can only do so because the magic thing wants them to (a la One Ring). Same with glowing. Maybe the whispering could be more indistinct, like wind through the trees or parseltongue or something?

-          Where are Jax and Stein when the scene opens? At first I thought they were already on the ship but reading further down it’s unclear until much later in the episode.

-          I really like that first hint of Len. It’s a nice red herring too, especially if the whispers we heard earlier are kept in.

-          I like the bit with Ray and Bambi, and Stein and Jax read fine.

-          Good use of Nate

-          Mind the pacing a bit when switching between scenes – I like the Ray and Bambi scenes, but something needs to happen in every scene or we’ll be left wondering why we were shown that, and not in a ‘oh, a mystery’ way. That said, I’m loving all the Ray and Bambi scenes, pleeeease don’t kill Bambi. It’s so very Ray that he’s keeping a pet dinosaur, I love it. Also, killing the raptor lets us see a more hardcore side of Ray we don’t usually get.

-          As an aside…with those injuries Ray will definitely die from infection/blood loss and he knows it. We are so lucky he’s going to be rescued. From his perspective, he’s staring death in the eye and that’s despairing and intense.

-          Fricking LOVE the idea of Firestorm appearing as an ‘angel’, cannot underline that enough

-          Love the drama in this episode, like the plot and battle

-          Loving the friction Mick has when Nate can’t find Ray and I love how they end up doing so

-          Overall I really enjoyed this, I’d just be very careful with pacing in the episode itself. Thanks!

Episode 3

-          LOVE the premise of Sara working with the JSA

-          Like the build-up to Nate’s reveal of how he knows so much

-          Way prefer this method of introduction and interaction between the Legends and the JSA, nice

-          ‘Nazis in the White House’ – if that was a nod, I like it

-          Fantastic interaction between Amaya and Sara

-          Nice reveal with Nate, the pencil, and him being Henry’s grandson

-          Nice interaction with Henry and Nate after Nate gets injured

-          Good ending, maybe just add in that Amaya actually gives a reason for mistrusting Mick specifically since she would have had more interaction with Sara and knew that Sara didn’t particularly respect Rex

-          Really like this episode! I think the pacing is pretty good too.

Episode 4

-          Good opening, but coming from the first episode where D and Eo are already working together, maybe Eo should specify a more ‘long term, mutually beneficial alliance’ i.e. instead of a once-off arrangement like with the bomb

-          I think Nate should lead the conversation on leaving history the way it is, when coming from his whole thesis needing to be re-written like a billion times, with Stein interrupting him with his own two cents

-          I really like the premise of this episode – I like the images of the mess of the crowd, the fact that Ray actually checked up for Sara what would happen if she brought Laurel back, Young!Clarissa and Stein finding each other in the chaos – good stuff

-          Nice interaction at the bar with everyone, and I like the Sara and Mick convo

-          Nice manipulation by Eo towards Sara, I find this progression believable. Really good twist there, with everyone slowly realising what Sara had done, including Sara herself

-          LAUREL

-          That’s a good reason Eo had for actually bringing Laurel back instead of just lying to Sara and stealing the pieces – good job

-          Good interaction between Mick and Amaya, Sara and Laurel

-          Good drama at Star Labs, and I liked the mention of Amaya’s reasoning for leaving her home for the JSA

-          Thank you for the Lisa ending, very nice. Woo!

Episode 5

-          Great premise, I like the opening

-          Nice nod to ‘authentic’ Vikings – the image of Mick in a horn hat will live on in my heart forever

-          Very atmospheric episode actually, it felt like I was watching it unfold and hearing the yells of battle, so nice job

-          I appreciate all the hard work you’ve done with the spellings and the insertion of ø, I really do, my word

-          I love Jax and Gunlød’s interactions, all of them – the casual chats, the flirting, the pep talk he gives her

-          Very emotive episode, I think it all flows down to the funeral scene very well

-          The Legend’s funeral scene is so sad, thank you

-          The ending needs something to tie it into the next episode I think, instead of just ending with Jax and Gunlød’s goodbye, but I think that’ll actually depend on the pacing for the whole episode once it’s been fleshed out into full length – the story seems pretty long already so there might not be room and it might end up as an appropriate ending, with a following episode dealing with the vision etc. We’ll have to see how that turns out!

-          Enjoyed this episode, nice job!

Episode 6

-          Nice nudge at Darhk’s usage of idols

-          Great focus on Lisa and her skills, nice atmosphere from the location (like, not ‘nice’…I mean that I get a real sense of the place)

-          Good plan

-          Good expansion on Ray’s theme of suit/intelligence

-          Just a suggestion – in light of the stuff  he went through while stranded with dinosaurs, maybe just have a line about how when he was in the prehistoric era he felt helpless and useless without his tech, and now that he has it back he finally has a chance to be useful again and fight with his full strength, or something along those lines? Just so we’re not just throwing away the dinosaur era trauma he must have gone through, especially since he nearly died? And maybe highlighting that he has a deeper reason beyond stubbornness to sticking with the suit, since it’s literally his safety net?

-          Great escalation of things going wrong for the Legends

-          This episode flows very well actually, and I loved the interactions with Mick and Jax, and when Lisa ripped Ray a new one

-          That’s some gooooood Lisa and Mick interaction, thank you

-          Very enjoyable, nice work!

Episode 7 – since this was an episode I worked on I’ll leave the commentary to others who can spot the issues with it!

I’ll leave it at that for this evening but I’ll try to give a look at the others tomorrow. For now we’ve got some solid episodes here with only a few minor tweaks that’ll come about naturally as the writing progresses.

Hope this commentary was okay!

- Kako-Pumpkin

LOTREWRITE: Your commentary is EXCELLENT, so much positivity and very good points on the critique made all around, and I can't wait to see your comments on the remainder.