#he does a lot of autism mannerisms i notice. not because i think he's autistic it's just a funny coincidence that he was doing the things

[boy-armageddon]

autism has you scouring the internet for a video of a guy you like making fucking tofurkey for an internet show at like 3 in the morning

[milolovesbmc]

wait wrol jeremy is canonically/intentionally autistic coded??? please elaborate what are his little autistic mannerisms tell me everything

OH MY GOD THIS IS THE BEST FREAKING ASK I'VE EVER GOTTEN!!! HOLD INTO YOUR SOCKS CAUSE I'M ABOUT TO RAMBLE!!!!!!

So, First off, Jeremy (in the Broadway/Off-Broadway productions) IS autistic coded!! since Will Roland based his interpretation/acting for Jeremy on teenagers from a theater camp he attended, who where most (not to say all) autistic. Also, I can't possibly talk about Jeremy being autistic without mentioning this, in the first/original version of Be More Chill Pt.1 one of the SQUIP's line to Jeremy is literally "every lame characteristic, makes you come off as autistic" which they cut (for obvious reasons) but there, had to be mentioned!! So in conclusion, yes he IS autistic coded!! With that outta the way:

WHY WILL ROLAND'S JEREMY IS AUTISTIC CODED!

EYE CONTACT

- This one is the one I have the least to talk about, it's mentioned he has issues with eye contact in More Than Survive, "[...] Avoiding any eye contact at all"

ABNORMAL SPEECH

- OKAY SO HEAR ME OUT ON THIS

- One of the biggest differences between Roland and Connolly Jeremy is how Will R Jeremy talks

- He has issues with Volume control, like how sometimes he's talking and he out of nowhere yells out a word or something and he seems to not notice? Also, he's the only character that talks louder than the rest normally (you have to differ this from stuff like how Michael screams the lines he says in More Than Survive while he's dancing, that's intentional, he's being goofy and having fun)

- Sometimes he talks too fast, like to the point he slurs his words, you can notice a couple or more of these throughout the show

- To finish off the speech thing, he talks in a really flat tone, you can tell not only by comparing his tone to other characters (like Jake for example) or if you compare the voice Will Roland does for Jeremy to the one he does for Jared in DEH, Jeremy's it's flatter

-I'm not too sure this is included in "Abnormal speech" for autism, but I felt like I had to mention that he does stutter/stammer (?) A lot throughout the whole show, it's even mention by the SQUIP in Be More Chill PT. 1 ("All your stammering's a chore" "Stammer?! No- no I don't stammer!")

- it's also suggested he speaks in a "weird" way when in Loser Geek Whatever he says "The please don't speak!" When referring to how he's perceived by his peers

SPECIAL INTEREST

- His special interest is clearly Superheroes and stuff of the sort (mainly from comics I'm pretty sure, but I don't know too much about superheroes) and he references them a lot of times and sees like most of his life and actions through more of a superhero/fiction sense

- The biggest example of him doing this is in More Than Survive (I'm gonna be mentioning MTS a lot here) when he says the line "If this was an apocalypse, I would not need any tips, on how to stay alive!"

- Also, I can even go into that one line even deeper, by this line he basically means that for him it'd be easier to survive in a zombie apocalypse rather than a high school, because an apocalypse has simple rules you need to follow to survive; getting food, not being biten by zombies... While to "survive" high school you need to do a whole bunch of stuff no one tells you you need to do; socialising, not having grades too high or too low, being cool, talking to people, making eye contact... Which are harder to him. This also means that he would know how to survive in a zombie apocalypse because of how much he plays Apocalypse of the Damned (most definitely part of his special interest)

- Also, here's some references/ties he makes between real life and fiction/superhero stuff:

"I like your sideburns, wolverine, right?"

"Like in X-Men?!"

- Not to mention one of his options for the SQUIP's settings was literally Batman

SOCIAL SKILLS

- I don't think I can give very specific examples here, but basically, the literal whole theme of the show is Jeremy not fitting in cause he's "socially awkward" and just generally "weird", you can mostly see it through how the SQUIP helps him socialize, the most clear example is maybe at the mall with Brooke and Chloe.

SARCASM, JOKES, METAPHORS ETC.

- Biggest one is in ILPR when Christine says "no this is where you meet for the swim team" when Jeremy asks about if you meet for Play Rehearsal there, and he takes the joke literally and starts to look around to make sure he's in the right place

- While Michael is talking about the Whole evolution thing, Jeremy is really confused, most probably because he doesn't understand why he's mentioning that as advice/metaphor?/an answer to his problems, then gets even more confused when he says "There's never been a better time in history to be a loser!"

- In Two-Player Game after Jeremy talks about getting the SQUIP and how it'll work and how it'll improve his life, Michael says "and if it does? Will you be too cool for... Video games??" He's clearly using that as an indirect way of saying he's afraid of losing him (which he actually does later on so that's fun!! /J) and Jeremy catches that but basically just completely ignores the metaphor thing and talks about it in a literal sense

RULES

- He mentions how he has some "rules" he follows to survive in More Than Survive (ofc it's in MTS) in the line "And so I follow my own rules, and I use them as my tools, to stay alive"

- This is not part of the musical, but it is in the book and I thought it was a good thing to mention here because it's pretty related, in the book he has these things called "Humiliation Sheets" they are papers he makes (and prints everyday, mind you) where he marks his social Humiliations, like when someone ignores him or laughs at him etc

MOTOR SKILLS

- Jeremy has like, pretty bad spacial awareness, like when he's Walking down the hallway In MS and he literally walks into half the people

- A really big example of it is in Be More Chill PT.2 when all of the people in the mall are flossing (as a whole thing because of the SQUIP) and Jeremy can't manage to get it right

STIMMING

- This is mentioned by the SQUIP in Be More Chill PT. 1, where it literally says "your tics and fidgets are persistent"

- Some of the ways he stims in:

1) The literal first line of the musical, when he says "c-c-c-c'mon c-c-c-c'mon go go!" that's a vocal stim, cause he's inpatient/nervous. (Also in I love play Rehearsal and voices in my head, maybe in some other moments too but idk rn)

2) Not to sure if this one counts as stimming, but he tends to hold onto things pretty tight (mostly through MTS) , like his sleeves or his backpack or Michael when Christine signs up

2.5) This closely relates to stim 2, but he also opens and closes his fists a lot, like clenching and unclenching them

(There's more but I can't remember all of them rn)

3) he moves his hands and rise and drops them a lot when he's upset and talking about what he's upset about, like in More Than Survive and Loser Geek Whatever, also, a lot of big gestures generally

4) At the Halloween party before (?) a guy that I'd kinda be into (Reprise) Christine asks "just say what's on your mind" and Jeremy basically makes a really weird noise which Christine goes along with, that's indeed vocal stimming!! They're stimming together how sweet is that!!

- This is not Jeremy related but I just wanted to mention it, Michael stims like A LOT, you can look at him in any scene and he will 99% surely be stimming in some way, specially in MITB (someone ask me about Michael being autistic so I can talk about that too pretty please /hj)

Can you tell I'm really into psychology and stuff?? This is basically my two fav interests combined, BMC AND PSYCHOLOGY YAYY!!!!

Btw feel free to talk about you own opinion/take on the whole thing, I'd be happy to know!! :D

[fumifooms]

The autism coding of Kimblee - character analysis

Bestie that’s called masking. Also I beg to disagree you fucking suck at it lmao

Notice how he speaks of this difference of being a “heretic” in society’s mind. Not with a focus on what it is or means but with a focus on the perception of it, on the ostracization it creates, on it being created by norms and society. There is little weight given to it but it is treated as a social construct one can easily figure out and avoid because it is superficial, or formulaic. Small talk, what are the right things to say, or to reveal about oneself and when, the “test” is a formula he thinks he has mastered.

So boy! There are some things to unpack here with his character, welcome to this character analysis. This is going to be loooong. I’m autistic, and I think he’s autistic as shit based on a lot of things and moments. I do want to make a disclaimer: you should go into this with a will to humanize, but this is not to mean that I talk of him being redeemable or “a good person deep down”, no. This is an analysis for the goal to understand, and in the end that’s what most of us just wants anyways, being understood I mean. I’ll be analyzing him as a coherent and multidimensional character, not as a plot device for a story. Alas I won’t be analyzing his psychology and ideologies that much, just its ties with autism and stuff, so this isn’t a complete analysis of Kimblee as a character by any means. I’m also speaking exclusively of manga Kimblee. Most manga caps I used are from @everykimblee​, thank you for your resources!

Points:

The polite gentleman

Tone deafness

Logic and lack thereof

Malice?

Strange but strong moral code

Explosions, and stimming

Misc

Conclusion

The polite gentleman

It is oh so interesting, then, that he values his manners so much, isn’t it? He has peculiar priorities and fixations, like good manners, even as he does atrocities. We’ll talk about his tone deafness more later, but for now let’s focus on this angle a bit.

Suits, fedoras, a pure, spotless white. Symbols of the epitome of class.

As stated, he keeps his good manners even as the situation would normally have them dropped, or they are useless, and such. They are treated somewhat like how he would convictions, when he speaks of strong wills and being firm in your beliefs. Then his manners are not something he’s willing to compromise.

But still you have to ask yourself, does he maintain this persona for himself or for others? I think it may be interesting to note that this aspect of his character isn’t much seen before he goes to and leaves prison. In camp he sits like other soldiers do, very unlike how he sits in the rest of the manga, etc etc. This suggests that either manners became more important to him after his 8 years long of incarceration, or that sort of like a chameleon he adapts himself to his environment. With his awareness of being a heretic and how to play around it, allegedly in his own word, the latter is a theory with support. Both are plausible, or perhaps he’s always had a strong taste for suits and politeness and the warzone simply wasn’t a place to show that.

Regardless of him genuinely liking all of these high end tastes or not, I’m fascinated with the idea that it may have developed as a defense mechanism. People who wear suits and act respectable like he does sociologically inspire good faith, that they are, well, respectable. My theory that he doubled down on this angle after prison would be because, well, he has passed 8 years of prison doing very little and being treated with very little respect and empathy. It is not unreasonable that straight out of prison, he would want to reclaim a sense of humanity and respectability through acting out the codes of high society. But again, does he do it for his own self-esteem, or to try to convince others  that he should be respected? Few people see men in suits and imagine that they’ve been in prison once.

To be aware of being a “heretic”, and saying he knows how to pretend to be normal, Kimblee growing up has doubtlessly learned good manners and their importance in this social act and how others see you. Is his politeness genuine or forced? In the end I think it matters little, in the end it’s still as important to him regardless. I’m not going to talk about the social trauma autistic people usually experience, but I do want to reiterate that a nice suit as an instant token for passing as normal + getting charitability is something I think he’s aware of and values. His demeanor and outfit, you could say, is part of his masking.  Listen, in a college essay I studied other essays about how prom dresses are treated as a token for future success in life + social recognition. A suit as a transactional token for entry into respectable society really isn’t a social dynamic that far fetched. 

The way he speaks of masking, as this “easy formulaic test”, does make me think that this is the case, that his choices in demeanor and fashion are part of this role and that he knows what he’s doing. Indeed, if a suit is all he has to wear to be accepted, his loner attitude becoming a “serious & mysterious” aura, his strict demands becoming simply a severe no-nonsense man used to quality and who has things to do, well, the test is easy to trick. It’s all about framing. He’s still taken to it on a personal level though imo, he does speak of his suit with fondness etc etc.

His gentleman attitude might have deeper, more important and personal roots for his character than simply being a cool aesthetic or random taste, is what I’m saying.

Tone deafness

It is ironic that his manners are important to him because they are often severely lacking or misplaced. Like most things, I believe that Solf keeps his manners because they are a judge of character that is important to him, beyond it being for others’ perceptions of him. So even if inappropriate, he stays true to himself and these beliefs of his, he does not want to perform as much as he leads us to believe by saying he pretends to be normal. Though this tonedeafness then is sometimes intentional with a will not to betray his true self, I do think that often this is not the case and his tone deafness is out of genuine misunderstanding. Though very often it seems like a state of being, rather than situational awkwardness, like a disregard for reading a room instead of simply making mistakes.

For example, Armstrong letting ishvalans flee willfully through a hole in the wall, then Kimblee coming and killing them, afterward saying to Armstrong: “What a relief, if it had been anyone else you’d have been court martialed for sure”. It seems he did this genuinely to pick up his compatriot’s slack in a will to help. Is he aware that Armstrong did it willingly and it’s a thinly veiled threat not to do it again? Possible, but the other case seems equally possible, but regardless in either case his delivery and actions were still tone deaf. For example, him telling everyone in camp “do you all not like killing? Why are you all even here, you chose this.” In another example, his detached tone in most situations and amused or casual tone in life threatening situations.

He is shown to be rather perceptive on a technical level, though not so much in social situations. Below is him confronting Edward about having a sniper targeting him.

He is extremely nonchalant in serious and grave situations. It is also the inappropriate emotions he shows that are infamous to him, the thrill and glee he gets by fighting. To me these are easily explained by adrenaline and Solf being generally understimulated and leashed by his polite standards in society (though of course these are still issues he has), but to most it seems like senseless hysterical behavior.

Notably it is this tone deafness that makes him an heretic to others, what ostracizes him. He did not do worse than other veterans in Ishval, Roy and Riza were also extremely proficient killers on the field. The reasons Kimblee gives for being on the field and “doing what they gotta do” are reasonable and cool-headed, most of all he has a point in how he gives everyone a wake-up call that they chose this by becoming a soldier and that they’re all complicit. No, Kimblee is an heretic not because of these concrete things, but because he is not miserable on the field. People, both in world and readers/viewers, simply think that his emotions and attitude while killing others are misplaced for the situation. It’s his tone deafness that unsettles others. He doesn’t have the sense to at least act apologetic, unlike Roy who acts like a martyr yet still chooses to do it every day. Sure his ideologies and enjoyment of killing are disturbing and unhinged, but the tone deafness is what sells it, sells him as a villain. It is an emotional, social reaction.

He is also so, so blunt. His whole speech in Ishval to Roy & Riza is enough proof and yet he tops it on the regular. Below is his meeting with Miles:

He’s so hard to destabilize and it’s so funny. I love his three ?s. This lack of emoting is the sort of iconic autistic trait that makes people see us as emotionless inhuman creatures.

Logic and lack thereof

He is incredibly logic oriented and strangely composed most of the time; does not react to things as one would be expected to, as discussed. He loves to talk philosophy, and debates with others often, even stopping a fight to spend some time discussing with Alphonse. He often engages in hypotheticals, like when he logic’ed his way into challenging Riza that she probably held some pride in her work, or when he proposed a deal to Ed having assumed his priorities and motivations; He does not understand others through innate understanding or empathy but through logically working through what he knows of them and of the human psyche to then turn what they do into a predictable formula. (Oof shit, that hits hard and a little too close to home ngl.) Which is perhaps why he is so fond of people who have strong convictions; they are honest and upfront, they do not waver, they are easy to understand and to predict, he can understand someone like that and their internal consistency. If someone thinks Edward Elric is going to kill them, then they do not know Edward Elric.

Has an hard time understanding others’ mentalities, often encountering people who do not follow his logic which confuses him, like his Ishval speech and when Edward didn’t follow his “self-preservation” deal.

His goal for the better part of the story is to be a spectator to the “battle of wills” between homunculi and humans. You could even say that it is to assuage a curiosity. The fact that he gives no emotional stakes to a sense of belonging with humans that should innately make him want to fight for humanity makes sense as well, especially since humanity doesn’t accept him much. Myself, I scoffed when Edward said this. I have hyper-empathy, but to me there should still be a better reason than a blind sense of community to one’s species to pick a side. It might seem like the obvious reason to most, “side with the humans!”, but to me without sound reason it just seems like blind toxic patriotism, or blind faith and adherence to a cult. Kimblee’s reasoning is survival of the fittest applied to evolution, that the superior species will be the one to survive because that’s how nature works. Personally, I say side with the humans because the homunculi have senseless goals that promise destruction upon the world, but y’know, whatever. The important point here is that Kimblee fundamentally works on a logical basis. The “side with humanity!” argument without further reasoning is an emotional one, yet it is one that appeals to most. /neu He does indeed reveal he has some personal stakes in siding with the homunculi, not only because they let him do whatever he wants alchemy wise, not only because he loves fighting for survival, but also because in a double meaning with the opening excerpt of this post, should humans win then he would have to go back to a life of pretense where his “existence” is threatened.

Malice?

Another interesting thing about him is that he doesn’t say the awful things he says out of malice, neither is it the intent behind most of his actions. It’s always a twisted sense of helping, or just doing his job, or doing his victims the ritual show of respect of battling them with the full extent of his will, and remembering them. He has his own way of looking at things, of what constitutes morality that we should concern ourselves with; honesty is more important to him than compassion and hipocrisy peeves him. By killing the ishvalans that Armstrong lets flee, he “rights a fault”. Kimblee not seeing how ill-intentioned many of his actions seem certainly call back to his tone deafness, that or a blatant disregard for conformity.

Strange but strong moral code

As mentioned several times, Kimblee values a strong set of belief in someone, and this even if he personally disagrees with them. I don’t want to repeat myself too much so this section will be short but yes, then it isn’t surprising that his own code is very strong and he is very confident and unashamed of it. I don’t want to spend paragraphs deconstructing his moral code but his actions are consistent to it and he does not betray them, going to the point of bringing Pride down even in death inside of the philosopher stone because he judged Pride’s actions cowardly and hypocritical. Rigid morality is a trait of autism.

By strong, I do want to precise that I do not mean morally irreprehensible or correct, I mean internally coherent and resistant to external challenging. He is set in his beliefs.

Explosions, and stimming

Lastly but perhaps most importantly, the most iconic thing about him: the explosions.

Apparently there’s no post on here calling what Kimblee does stimming and stims headcanons so -cracks knuckles- heavy is the head with the big brain I suppose.

Understimulation is a state in which the body doesn’t get enough stimuli or sensory input to keep one invested in their surroundings and such. It can be the cause of a meltdown. I myself used to struggle a lot with it, it got easier after I got diagnosed and I understood the issue. For example, I am allowed to listen to music, usually glitchcore, while taking academic tests. Back in the time that was not the case, I used to have songs stuck on loop in my head while I did tests, often hummed them, particularly for mathematics.

Why does Kimblee even like explosions? Well, the cues he gives us is that he loves the sounds it makes, of destruction, not only of the screams it causes but the explosion itself. He calls it musical terms like symphony and calls it artful. As he says himself, it shakes his whole body to the core, and he fixates especially on its sound. That is all sensory input, to see it as music and artful is that it is pleasing to his senses as he himself expresses. Look at the way his body quivers in the aftermath and he goes unhinged and emotional. Sensory issues right there, chronically understimulated guy getting a shred of sensory satisfaction 100%. It is release to him.  Explosions are a deafening burst of loud and short noise, accompanied with intense light and heat. It is, in short, a bomb of stimuli. Explosions are a very intense sensorial experience. This is what Kimblee likes about them, even delighting in the size and length he can make his explosions achieve, making it always more and more intense. Much like his ideal lifestyle and activities of risking his life and his soul battling, explosions give him thrill and adrenaline unlike anything else. In monkey terms, boom boom scratches the brain itch.

Explosions as a stim/intense and pleasant sensory experience is actually a thing I’ve thought to explore with an oc of mine prior to watching fmaB, but that really is how I immediately interpreted Kimblee’s introductory scene. My (autistic) brother when he was a kid very often had to be driven around in a car before he’d sleep, for example. It’s a fullbody sensation of vibrations and floating, being in a car. The brain even registers the sensation as strange, which is how motion sickness happens. Babies are sensitive to stuff like that, my bro wouldn’t sleep without it because, without it, he was understimulated, not stimulated enough to be able to sleep. Rocking babies is the same kinda thing, plus the comforting aspect. Weighted blankets, too. Everyone self-regulates their sensory input, aka stims, to some degree, bouncing their leg, etc. But sensory dysregulation is a trait of autism, and severe states of understimulation and overstimulation are what makes it a neurodivergent experience. 

Screams in the stone being like lullabies to him is another sign of him having understimulation in general. At the very least, he has a strong resistance to overstimulation by, like Pride said, retaining his individuality in the overwhelming storm of souls.  ”Ah yes I am amongst an overwhelming sea of screaming souls. I love it here, it energizes me actually”

Honestly I just think it explains parts of his behavior and glee for war if he generally feels understimulated. It explains that lust for battle and destruction. Like yeah bitch you’ll feel great and manic and thrive if you get sensory bliss from the chaos and “symphony” of war, definitely. /gen 

Also, he was in prison so like who can possibly blame him for being bored af, but stimming wise I do count playing with the rock in prison. The way he rolls it in his fingers and all. Even regurgitation, that’s bound to be a moderately intense sensory experience. If he repeatedly swallows it and regurgitates the stone then that can def count as stimming. Maybe the reason he didn’t go more insane than he did is because he had the one thing to fidget with lmao. The screaming thrumming perfectly sized & smooth evil explosive rock really is a great stim toy, huh.

I get intense and off my rockers too when I’m understimulated ngl, slap happy even. 

He really does seek adrenaline and thrill. I think in the above he was getting somewhat delirious due to blood loss though. He’s definitely prone to manic states. Sure okay grandma whatever you say, let’s get you on the stretcher. 

Misc

And as my usual autistic analysis finisher: he sits weird. More seriously, analyzing sitting positions can be interesting because it’s again about understimulation. Legs crossed, arms crossed, it’s weight on your body plus feels snug idk. But personally I need to have my legs crossed at all times when I’m sitting, except in extra comfy chairs. Body language is a whooole thing to analyze with autism, because infamously people misinterpret them; for example crossing your arms is considered to be a defensive or hostile gesture, when a lot of people would just go “wtf it’s just comfy”. Insistant and direct eye contact is seen as a will to dominate, meanwhile for a lot of people they’re literally just staring thinking nothing of it. Etc. However like discussed at the beginning of this, it can be theorized that he tailors his body language to his environment, like compared to when he was on the Ishval warzone.

Conclusion

Cool motive still murder bro. Def a lot of fun neurodivergence going on in his character though.  I am obsessed with this type of autistic character, who as a survival mechanism becomes hyperaware and very logically and psychologically attuned to social norms and how people work to try to fit in and survive in the group. I am OBSESSED with autistic characters who know the game so well and try so hard yet still feel uncanny to others. Humanity is, after all, a social species. And one who does not take kindly to heresy. Definition of heresy: opinion profoundly at odds with what is generally accepted. Heretic does not intrinsically means harmful, however. Labeling something as heretic is often an emotional reaction, like say how racism or homophobia is initially from a xenophobic gut instinct, and it is an emotional reaction that makes us dislike Kimblee.

Not to say that’s the ONLY reason, of course. Kimblee is justifieably generally disliked. But as someone who values cause and effect, it is ironic to me that Kimblee is considered a worse veteran than others because he refuses to act guilty over it and does “his job” with a smile on his face, worse than Roy who boiled people alive. I find it ironic that straight out of the gate we have a sinister opinion of Kimblee because of the framing when he was in prison, of what it meant that he was in there and why he wasn’t miserable 24/7 in his cell, instead smiling and humming, and it’s all ironic because the reason he was in prison is… He killed his superior officers, who are active agents in malicious corruption and are 100x more times gleeful about the Ishval war than him. Framing is an emotional thing, and if there’s one thing Henry Creel taught me is that it’s quick to rob a character of humanity. If humanity performatively want people to be miserable, then is it so surprising for Kimblee to want to reject it?  Take my hot takes or not, I’m not interested in debating philosophy unlike Kimblee, I just wanted to showcase his autistic traits and it got a little thought provoking by nature lol. Thanks for reading! :)    Is this last emoticon tone deaf and/or uncanny? I can’t tell… Ah well!

[goldiipond]

ray tpn is autistic and i'm gonna tell you why now

ray is one of the most heavily autistic-coded characters i can think of, and i've been wanting to write up a post going over as many of his autistic mannerisms as i can because there is a lot. this will probably be long because i am also autistic and i am especially autistic about ray, so please enjoy while i psychoanalyze this anime boy with way more scrutiny than anyone would consider healthy <3

body language

perhaps one of the strongest arguments for ray's autism can be made by looking at his body language. ray tries to keep a stoic, neutral expression and voice the majority of the time (though he's often quite. bad at that too) but he is always extremely expressive through his movements and gestures, the most noticeable of which being the use of his hands. pretty much every character uses hand gestures, but ray is ridiculously excessive. it'd take frankly way too long to compile every instance of this (or even half) throughout the manga, so here's a small collection of gestures from s1 of the anime to give an idea:

note that this is not even close to all of them and that he's exactly like this in the manga as well, though the animation and its use of snappy, exaggerated movements does help to make these much more noticeable.

moving away from his hands there's also just a lot of really expressive full-body language as well, such as this friendly chokehold:

this dramatic shrug:

and this even more dramatic flop:

just to name a few. basically, ray has a thing for grand unnecessary movements and no one is surprised.

poor emotional regulation and masking

as i mentioned before, ray tries really really hard to bottle up his emotions and keep a sort of stoic persona during his time at gracefield. he's also really really bad at doing this. not terrible, as he was able to keep up a believable enough front that none of the other kids saw anything odd about his behavior for 6 years, but that's also because he deals with so much more stress once the events of the escape arc actually get going. there is a stark difference between his quiet and detached demeanor while emma and norman are still in the dark about the house, and him nearly having a meltdown every time something strays from his meticulously crafted plans while they actually begin making their preparations to escape over the course of the arc.

just a few examples of this include him nearly having a breakdown when emma insists on taking everyone:

or one of my favorite anime exclusive moments where he strains his voice while yelling at isabella to the point he breaks into a coughing fit:

and it's not just big flashy meltdowns, but little bursts of anger as well. shoutout to this moment in particular where he launches this bucket with enough force to tear up a bit of the damn ground:

this emotional instability can be seen after the escape as well, the most glaring example being how he interacts with yuugo:

their dynamic in general really does a good job of showing ray’s mental state after the escape, because pre-goldy pond yuugo is An Asshole. and ray is so, so easy to piss off and quite frankly tired from bottling up his emotions for so long that every interaction with said asshole is a massive struggle to keep himself from physically attacking him.

as for the topic of masking, that’s what ray’s attempts to hide his emotions feel like to me. ray is constantly in danger of losing isabella’s trust, whether that be by revealing he may be a little more attached to the other kids than he lets on or by showing too much emotion that the other kids start to wonder what the hell’s going on. ray has to constantly hide and cover up his emotions with more palatable ones for others out of fear of looking out of place or being seriously hurt, and well if that doesn’t just describe autistic masking to a tee i don’t know what does.

maybe one of the things that gets me the most about that is that he's essentially been masking for about half of his life, and doing that for any extended period of time is extremely draining. ray has been drained to the point that he will have full meltdowns when put under any sort of stress and when you take into account the fact that he already has pretty severe anger issues as a result of his trauma, it's really no wonder he has such a short fuse.

lack of a filter when speaking

ray is a very blunt person. he speaks matter-of-factly and he wastes no time in getting straight to his point, sometimes with only a single sentence:

the way he talks is also pretty significant, as he generally has a more monotone way of speaking. he really only yells when he gets really worked up which like i said, happens a lot, but there’s almost no inbetween for him. pre-escape, he tries to show as little emotion in his voice as possible outside of his outbursts.

as for post-escape ray, he does seem to show much more emotion in the way he speaks. its a bit harder to judge, as nothing past the escape arc was ever adapted into the anime (s2 isnt real it cant hurt you) but his facial expressions become much more varied and it’s easy to say his vocal inflections likely do as well. however, what we can say for sure is that he remains just as blunt as ever:

no matter how comfortable he becomes with expressing himself, this aspect of his speech never seems to change.

while we’re on the topic of his speaking mannerisms please also direct your attention to these panels:

these need no explanation.

sensory issues. so many sensory issues

briefly moving back to the subject of ray’s hands, i couldn’t help but notice during my countless s1 rewatches that they are almost never just resting at his sides. if he's not using his hands for unnecessary gestures they are either shoved into his pockets, or he's crossing his arms. it's very likely his arms default to these positions because they offer a sort of sense of security, the former keeping his hands covered and the latter keeping him more closed off, almost like he's constantly hugging himself. basically, ray is a 'likes to feel covered and secure' autistic and if he was buried in weighted blankets he'd probably love it.

also tying into the ‘likes to feel covered’ aspect of ray’s autism is this scarf he acquires sometime during the volume 12 timeskip:

it’s a well known autistic thing to get attached to articles of clothing and wear them as much as possible, and boy does ray get attached to this scarf. i can count 2 post-timeskip scenes off the top of my head that have him not wearing this scarf, and the image on the right takes place a full 2 years after the left one in canon. he has no explicitly stated emotional attachment to this scarf and we don’t even know how he got it, just that he almost never takes it off. it could easily be seen as a comfort item, maybe he just likes the way the fabric feels or the extra coverage it offers him. there is post-canon content that depicts him without it, but the fact that he wore it almost nonstop for at least 2 years straight is still pretty significant.

another sensory thing i feel is worth mentioning is that ray seems to have a very specific tolerance threshold for physical contact. he seems fine initiating touch himself, and touches from emma and norman are generally alright, likely because they are the only people he has openly allowed himself to be close with his entire life. sudden touches from others however, are a different story. the one that immediately comes to mind is this interaction with don:

don in particular is someone ray becomes pretty close to, and i would say that besides the obvious growth with emma and norman, don is likely the person we see the most development with with in terms of their relationship. him having this reaction to a hug from someone he’s so close to seems indicative of some issues with unexpected contact.

and finally one of my absolute favorite things the anime added, which is ray experiencing what looks a lot like sensory overload:

this takes place right after the argument with isabella, which ended with him being knocked to the floor and locked up in a room by himself, so its needless to say that he’s pretty shaken up. he gets so overwhelmed that all he can do is yell and desperately reach for any sort of stimulation to keep him grounded, curling in on himself and aggressively ruffling up his hair. i genuinely cannot think of an allistic explanation for this scene.

and basically, he is just so autistic

all in all, theres some pretty damn solid evidence for ray being autistic and whether it was intentional or not, the sheer amount of autism-coding present in ray’s writing is almost impossible to ignore. i love some good projection but i don’t even need to do that much, hes just doing this all on his own. in conclusion:

[akolnoix]

I've been following for a bit and I was wondering about your p4 au(?)/rewrite that you have going on honestly seeing you p4 posting has been making me think about it a lot more recently. Also you have a lovely art style!

thank you! it's honestly nothing very concrete, just an assortment of musings that i play around with in my mind for fun... might as well post some of my ramblings (apologies that it's long and a mess)

-im kinda obsessed with trying to make accomplice ending work? the ending itself in p4g is pretty great (seeing the "yu has forged a bond that cannot be broken" text you get for max social link is sooooo good) and fits thematically, it's just that it has like NO proper buildup to it to make it feel even remotely plausible.

so i'm thinking you'd have to really go out of your way to get it. like in addition to maxing out adachi's SL, you can't advance any other characters' SL past like rank 3 or something early on, and you have to select certain dialogue options (like the original game has so many mean/detached responses you can pick to be a dickhead lol), you have to refuse optional hangouts with your friends. and Then you have to choose to not reveal him. so through consistently refusing to truly connect with/care about the people around you, the protag can somewhat reach a similar worldview to adachi, and conceivably relate to him.

-izanami brings up the tv world also being a product of outside perception, but the actual implementation of it in the game feels messy and often like it's just there as a way to give reason for the shadows desiring transgressive things for shock value without committing to them being real aspects of the characters (like, how kanji's shadow is extremely stereotypically gay not just in mannerisms but in overtly showing interest in men, but in kanji's acceptance+future appearances they make sure to assert that the real kanji is not actually gay)

so i've been kinda toying with the idea that instead of the shadows as presented in p4, there would be like multiple fractured shadows in conflict? like i think it would be neat to play more off the tension between how the characters are perceived by the town vs their repressed selves, idk

-i've been turning naoto's arc around in my head a lot over the years... like the easiest thing to do would be transplant the existing (attempted) narrative to a trans woman naoto. but i also want to do right by canon naoto, who sees himself as a man, desires to be one, only gives up on that because he believes he can't become one, and gets treated like dogshit by the narrative for it. so lately i've drifted to the harder challenge of working out the logistics to make a satisfying+believable arc for trans man naoto. i've got concepts but i don't have enough worked out in this regard yet to talk about here.

-im autistic and rise has always read as such to me, so i'm being self-indulgent and making that an overt aspect of her arc. i grew up subconsciously masking my autism, and it wasn't until i experienced autistic burnout just after graduating highschool that i discovered just how much of myself i had been suppressing, and how much was constructed. it was like i had never known my true self until age 18, or noticed just how badly that repression hurt me.

so um. you might say i saw a lot of myself in rise. she's got a slightly different scenario, but still a pretty autistic one. a child with no friends because everyone thinks they're strange, who decides to learn how to be Normal in hopes of obtaining any human connection. but because she can't be herself, the connections she does make don't feel genuine. her becoming an idol specifically is really fantastic thematically, a career all about commodifying not just your body or talents but your very personality, for a girl highly manufactured on every level to appear Normal.

for the brief period you see her in person before her shadow, rise practically has a flat affect and monotone, with everyone commenting on how different she is from her idol persona, and i'd like to actually retain that as an aspect of her character. i'd like to shift her arc to being about relearning that aspect of herself, and allowing herself to be that. even if just among friends. her idol persona is still part of her (she made it after all, and it can be useful), but she was harming herself by thinking it was all she should be.

i've always hated her going back to being an idol (especially the way they executed it ugh) but it might be nice if she stuck with music...

-yosuke internalized homophobia arc is a gimme

-naturally a major aspect is in the differences btw a playthrough as yu narukami vs femc. as an ex-delinquent she experiences more hostility from the general populace and dojima. oh and i don't care for super self-inserty protags so yu and masami have more established personalities+history+etc.

i imagine the narukami sibling dichotomy is that yu tries to be perfect and masami intentionally disappoints (opposite attention-seeking responses to their ambiguously distant parents), and in their trip to inaba yu takes the opportunity to let loose, while masami reigns in the delinquent behavior (because dojima will actually react to what she does). and they both benefit from the power of friendship etc etc

-sometimes i enjoy daydreaming about a "cross-dressing" sequence that's actually fun. where the crew hang out in yu's room or something and try on each other's stuff for fun. and chie gets a buzz cut

-while it's very true that women can be bigots, that p4 claims that kanji would think that men are more accepting of gender nonconformity in men than women is something just. utterly detached from reality. it makes more sense that he thought there was no possibility of acceptance from boys so he never tried, but he thought there was a chance with girls but was rejected by them too, so he distances himself from everyone.

and i think kanji can be gnc AND gay. for many people there is a real fear of stereotype, of reinforcing them, but that repulsion is misplaced. stereotypes are bad when they are used to dehumanize, but to be a effeminate gay man, a fat butch lesbian, a trans woman with a beard, are not bad things to be. and i think it'd suit kanji to have that sort of conflict, and metatextually to take those aspects of canon that were so negatively presented and transform them

and i think it would suit his love of cute things to eventually start dressing cutesy.

-i've definitely got more in my brain i could say or i forgor but this post is long enough

[thegayneurodivergentagenda]

hi hello pran autism anon here again!! i just watched ep 4 again and i noticed at the scene when pat comes to give pran his earphones, and lets himself in, pran repeatedly expresses his distaste at the fact for two reasons. yes, he doesn’t want pat infringing on his privacy or messing up his meticulously arranged living space. but it's the other reason that intrigues me when looking at pran through an autistic lens. he repeats that pat entered without being let in. he's very bothered not only by pat's actions, but also the fact that pat is breaking a social norm. as an autistic person, i find that i tend to feel uncomfortable when i see other people not follow social norms, which i feel is because i've had to consciously learn these and remind myself to follow them for years. i feel like pran is having a similar internal experience here, where he's seeing pat do something that isn't considered 'socially acceptable', which bothers him because he has a script in his head that he's built up over the years, and this doesn't follow the script that he uses to dictate what is and isn't okay to do, what does and doesn't get him acceptance from his peers etc. he then comments that pat 'has no manners'. i think this is a pretty common thing that many autistic people have experienced, being told we have no manners because we unconsciously broke an unwritten social rule we never learnt about. pran, in my opinion, can't help but project the rules he's learnt to help himself fit in and mask onto other people. it might be a very small detail to focus on, but it's something that really got me thinking.

thank you for reading my rant about literally three lines of dialogue!! hope you have a great day!!!

I love you anon.

I know you didn't technically ASK me to rant about Pran's relationship w his room but I have too much to say and I hope you're okay w that.

So

Pran and his room: from the lens of autism

1. As someone with autism, social rules and norms that we agree with are set in stone. So your analysis about Pat breaking a social rule makes a lot of sense. Especially when you see the other interactions at the food stall and music shop (you're not supposed to sniff people????????????)

2. It's also likely that he's very transparently present in his room. For people with autism, our rooms are our safe spaces and worst nightmares because they reflect so much of who we are. If they are messy, It's our mess. If it's organized, It's customised to our space. Rooms, dorms and other living spaces are basically a self portrait.

Which is why when Pat dares enter and sneak a peak at his barest self, lit with fairy lights and faces telling him how to smile, rituals along every curve and table, he feels scared. What if Pat notices his smilies and thinks he's still a child (he should have overcome the hyperfixation by now? Will Pat understand?) What if Pat notices his coffee stained couch and calls Pran on being an imposter who only pretends to get angry at messy stains. There's so many ways Pat could see behind his carefully constructed masks.

His apprehension from pat entering could be from not letting Pat see him.

And that's also why he holds the social norm of asking before entering so close to his daily functioning; revels in the safety of enforcing this rule rigidly.

[I sometimes liken this to the idea of a nest in the omegaverse where it's extremely personal and reflective of the person making it. I also love the omega verse so much because it takes a lot of neurodivergent traits and makes them seem normal and that's just another post altogether]

3. When Pat and Pran finally get their shit together Pran let's Pat change his room and make the space theirs. It's the biggest declaration of love if I've ever seen one. He let's Pat put up photos and shares his bed and doubles the Pillows and makes space for Nong Nao. All because he's ready to allow Pat in his space. Across the rituals. Inside his safety.

4. The fact that the most crucial of the moments (The Kiss, The Bet, The Ming) happen away from the safety of his room goes along with this and his canon OCD.

If you're living with OCD, safe spaces can turn into compulsions at the sight of threat. And the fact that he was so adamant on keeping the relationship behind closed doors felt a lot like stemming not just from his anxiety about his parents but also his imposter syndrome: It's a glitch in the matrix that Pat likes me back and we should not test the matrix lest it remind Pat I'm an annoyance that he rather not deal with.

If you have autism, the safety of your room provides familiar and clear cues that could be helpful if an emergency is to arrive (I could just start talking about the rotting food if conversations get tougher// I could go to my own washroom and pretend to take my time if I feel overwhelmed). These safety nets are not present Outside.

And it is through his autism that Pran shows his love to Pat.

He let's Pat break his rules constantly. Not because they don't cause him discomfort. They still do. But his love for Pat is just greater than that.

He will let Pat drag him outside. Let Pat post photos of him. Let Pat make a mess on his kitchen table. Go with Pat to an unknown room.

As Anon said, these rules and norms and safe spaces are all in place because of being reprimanded for being neurodivergent by the neurotypical system builders. They are precautions to avoid being hurt or being called out on the fact that they don't belong.

But Pran doesn't feel hurt in Pat's presence. Because regardless of if they are friends or enemies, they've always belonged together.

[anonymous-dee]

Ranpo! Is! Autistic Coded!

Hear me out! I definitely think Ranpo from BSD is Autistic coded! It only occurred to me during my second watch-through but a lot of his mannerisms actually match up a lot with my own experiences as someone with ASD! :0

I found a whole article explaining a lot of different things that make him Autistic coded so I'll link it here! But I'll also make a TLDR version too in case the link doesn't work!

BASICALLY!

1.Infodumping/Overtalking

2.Missing tons of social cues

3.Obliviousness in many situations

4.Not understanding/feeling/expressing emotions the same as others

5.Comfort objects and stimming

6.Meltdowns

7.Sensory issues (especially with clothing)

8.Hand flapping

9."Childish" or unusual interests/hyperfixations

I love him so much! (Even though Akutagawa is my ultimate favorite character)! I would love to elaborate on the points made above but the article does a better job than me!

UPDATE!! I JUST STARTED WATCHING SEASON 4 SO UNDERNEATH HERE WILL BE S4 SPOILERS!!! PROCEED WITH CAUTION!!!

So based off of all of the Ranpo LORE revealed in the first episode his Autism beams are stronger than ever because HEAR ME OUT!!!

So it's revealed that Ranpo always gets perceived as childish even when he doesn't wish to be perceived that way (I know he's 14 but he says something along the lines of like "Here we go again, getting treated like a child") which is something many people with Autism (me included) have to deal with from our NT peers

AND! Not to mention the particular eating habits from when Fukuzawa was taking him out to eat red bean bowls with mochi in them and he didn't eat any of the mochi (in any of the 20 bowls)

AAAAAND! This is the spiciest part! It was revealed that Ranpo kept getting fired from jobs because of how blunt he was with the truth and how he would easily confront his superiors about their past or their crimes! It's so hard for many Autistic people to keep a job oftentimes because many of us don't understand social cues!

Another thing was that Ranpo automatically assumed that all of the tiny details he noticed were common knowledge and that everyone was on the same page as him, when in actuality he was noticing things that nobody else had yet to pick up on!

There were many other moments where Ranpo either didn't pick up on social cues or said/acted in ways that were out of pocket or not "normal" if that makes sense, and it only strengthens the argument that Ranpo is Autistic coded!

FUKUZAWA IS SUCH A NICE ADOPTIVE FATHER TO HIM OKAY AAAAH I'M ONLY ONE EPISODE IN BUT LITERALLY I LOVE RANPO SO MUCH! HE JUST LIKE ME FR FR

OKAY SO ANOTHER EDIT/UPDATE!

IN EPISODE 2 RANPO SAYS SOMETHING VERY DISTINCT AND APPLICABLE TO MOST PEOPLE WITH AUTISM AND IT WAS THAT "There's something that everyone else gets that I don't"

And then he has a small meltdown in the theater and you can clearly see people are starting to stare if you look closely

I literally relate to him so much so much so much

IN EPISODE 3, Ranpo also notes that he can't pay attention to things he has no interest in, which is something I personally really struggle with (especially as a college student RIP)

I'm not 100% sure if his breakdown at the end of episode 3 would constitute as something that should be added to this list, but I think it's noteworthy because I myself have also had similar meltdowns that went very similar to Ranpo's and I want to mention it.

I know I keep expanding this list as I find more and more content but somehow Ranpo's existence and the way he is unanimously respected and loved by the ADA is somehow really validating and comforting to me at the same time. I know BSD is fiction but somehow I see myself in Ranpo and yearn to be loved in the way that he is by all of his friends.

[lokiinmediasideblog]

hi! :D you've said before that you see mcu loki as ND-coded, and i'm curious about your specific thoughts on that. personally, i've mostly thought about this in terms of acquired mental illness stemming from trauma, but if i'm interpreting you correctly, you see him as innately neurodivergent? which is a fun + interesting take. are you thinking of a specific diagnosis, and/or is there a specific moment that stands out to you as ND Behaviour, or is it more of an overall vibe?

It started by thinking of Loki being ND-coded metaphorically, but I think he shows some behaviors. I will be breaking this down into actual behaviors and metaphors. I have ADHD, so I tend to skew his diagnosis towards that or AuDHD (and I have a mutual that thinks BPD also fits rather well and they're welcome to join in, lol).

Metaphors (movies):

1. The Jotun reveal. Aliens and changelings (both of which Loki is in cannon to Asgard) are common in metaphors to describe autism. From both the ND’s perspective as being in “Another planet” and from the NT’s perspective.

“A persistent trope in some autism communities is that autistic people are aliens, or, symmetrically, that non-autistic people seem like aliens to autists. Some autists are attracted to the metaphor of the alien to describe their own condition, or to say that they find other people alien (Hacking, 2009).”

“In addition to failure to thrive, before the development of modern medicine and psychiatry, it is very likely that any number of childhood disorders were interpreted as stolen children. Several modern authors have suggested that, in pre-scientific eras, children born with autism and other developmental disorders were probably considered changelings (Ashliman 1997; Wing and Potter 2002). By the late nineteenth century, science had begun to provide non-supernatural explanations for children who did not thrive or otherwise did not meet the normal expectations for a healthy infant, and belief in changelings faded. ”

2. Loki does not fit in at Asgard, the only home he’s known. His friends are actually Thor’s rather than his, and seem to tolerate him rather than like him.

3. Loki also gets blamed for misdeeds without good evidence: The W4 start suspecting a crown prince based on an enemy’s words and they assume Loki wants to harm Asgard. I think it’s important to note that they don’t assume he just wants the crown; they assume in his very short reign, that he’ll harm Asgard, which is never in his plans. And it’s unlikely they cared about Jotunheim since they wanted Thor back right away.

A parallel to being ND is that people distrust and even villainize you due to your mannerisms (e.g. “weird and quiet”). And I’ve talked about how I think Asgard promotes a very ridiculously straight forward mannerisms on its population to make self-policing easier. So Loki’s mannerisms must have clashed with the general population’s for them to distrust them so easily.

4. Loki’s main power-set being illusions, and unbeknownst to him, being changed into something he wasn’t born as (Jotun -> Asgardian), is a power-set analogous to masking (i.e. the process through which NDs camouflage themselves to fit in better).

Masking involves a lot of rehearsing and suppression to act in a more socially acceptable way. → Loki also needs to be useful to be appreciated

5. Thor being preferred for acting in ways deemed more socially acceptable by Asgard and Odin. A personal experience from me is getting shit to this day about how I was “so difficult as a toddler, unlike your brother!” and some mean comment about how I made life hell because they couldn’t take me to public places.

Some traits Loki showcases (and seem relatable to my ADHD-ass):

1. Tendency to fidget (in the movies and series). I think it’s even more noticeable in the series, where he’s doing random shit with stamps and hammers while he speaks to people (S2E1 talking with OB). It’s like he can’t stay still.

2. I pulled something very similar to the salad scene around an older mentor figure. It was rice I kept squishing in my hand while going off in a rant. My former mentor found my behavior amusing, for the most part, and never let me live that down.

3. Tendency to info-dump about how his magic works.

4. Poor impulse control (Loki series, gets drunk in a train, and cut Sif’s hair just because ← I HC he wanted to sabotage the relationship out of fear of vulnerability).

And that’s on top of the trauma-based extreme fear of abandonment he showcases in pretty much everything he’s been in.

Badly-formatted Sources:

Hacking, Ian. (2009) https://www.jstor.org/stable/40543987

[gregoftom]

Tbh I find it insulting when people imply that greg, or any character like greg, who's heavily implied to be nd, can only be interpreted as dumb or incompetent and only that. Like, sure his way of speaking is peculiar and he is socially awkward but why does that immediately mean dumb like??? Especially when he has connected things easily in the show too

I kinda have grudges (just in general) with people who immediately label people who spell things wrongly as stupid too, some people have dyslexia guys :/

Sorry for turning this into a rant but it's just such a rampant thing that I've noticed seeing on social media it's really frustrating

OH YEAH NO FOR REAL, me too. that’s the thing like, that’s why greg sort of sneaks up on people. they make these kinds of assumptions and just like, you know don’t take him seriously because they say he’s stupid and it’s like. lmfao that’s your mistake? jesse himself has said don’t underestimate greg. i think people also don’t get the nuance of comedy like. it’s for comedic effect that greg acts the way that he does and like sure there’s some situations, like romantic/sexual relationships that he’s unsure or incompetent in mostly from lack of experience although it could be interpreted otherwise, but like you say he can connect things and he has his own skills and abilities, just like all of the characters.

but no exactly like he’s not automatically stupid because of his manner, that’s for sure. that’s like. ableist lol. and again like, tom takes him seriously, ofc he insults him and shit but really he puts a lot of his trust and belief into him. he doesn’t ignore greg’s potential or write him off as dumb bc of his social inability, probably in solidarity bc i’ve heard a good argument for tom being nd/autistic too and also bc he doesn’t just Judge like that lol, so yeah it irritates me too.

and don’t worry omg go ahead bc i feel the same way! i just think that greg finds academia/the workplace hard to navigate because of his autism. [he’s also lazy af and wants a free ride but like, same bestie]

[superbattrash]

hiiiii bb!!! for the ask game: 3 and/or 15 💛💛💛

HI MY BEELOVED (heh) ❤️❤️❤️

What’s a fic idea you have but haven’t written yet?

Oh man, too many. My notes app is a chaotic mess of little ideas and snippets, I tell ya. Oh, but I haven’t actually started writing my de-aged Clark fic yet. It’s - you guessed it - Clark getting de-aged and Bruce trying to take care of him while he panics because he can’t understand who this vampire looking dude is or what he’s doing in this creepy cave and where’s his mom and dad? There’s probs gonna be loss of control and maybe nightmare snuggles 🥺 and I’m obviously gonna have to make it pre-relationship so that I can throw angst in there with little!clark asking Bruce who they are to each other and such. Anyway. Yes. That.

Aaaaand are there words, phrases, mannerisms or scenes you tend to use a lot?

You mean besides my annoying use of semi colon and italics? Yeah, sure, I’ve noticed I use “because of course he does/doesn’t” quite a bit. My language is also quite simple (blame English not being my first language for that) and I love the sentence “he’s a lying liar who lies” although I think I’ve only used it twice maybe. Hmm. I do tend to make Bruce very, very autism coded even if he’s not explicitly said to be autistic 😂 hashtag projecting onto the blorbos am I right ladies

Oh, and I love adding stuff like “he probably does, the bastard”, “of course he knows, the asshole”, “he would, the jerk” throughout the internal monologue parts, heh

[alexthebordercollie]

Thank you T^T I think Ford shows lots of little signs of just how much he loves and cares for Fidds in his entries, but because he shows his affection in less direct ways people miss it. Ford gets extremely hyperfocused and has tunnel vision when it comes to his projects. As a result, it's easy for him to miss the stuff going on with people around him. He doesn't usually think to get gifts for people do a lot of the standard friendly and or romantic gestures you expect people to do to show they care. But he does care!

He pays attention to Fiddleford more than he does most people in his life. Noticing little details like the Rubix cube or mentally measuring how fast his knee is bouncing. Doing things like taking time off work to try and teach Fidds coping tools or taking him out to the carnival, that shit is his love language. It's Ford setting aside his obsessions to focus on someone else's needs. (And mind you also consider that like the person above stated sharing his hyperixations and going on adventures is one of the ways Ford shows affection for people so him dropping that for someone else's wellbeing has even more weight to it.)

I'm going to go on my little Ford is autistic rant again. I'm sorry, but so much of how I interpret his character is through this lens. As an autistic person, it can be very hard to notice things outside of your present hyperfixation. It can be really hard to pull yourself away to focus on something you don't enjoy or find interesting and it can be very easy not to notice the emotional needs of people around you. Altogether this can make autistic people come across as selfish or uncaring but there's a difference between not caring and simply struggling to function the way you're expected to.

It can hurt so much to love people with all your heart and be told that you don't because they can't see it. Because the way you express love doesn't match the social norms. Because a lot of social norms are not things that come instinctively to you or are easy to forget because to you they feel like arbitrary social rituals.

Whether you interpret Ford's feelings for Fidds as platonic or romantic either way I think it's pretty blind to say he doesn't care about him. He shows his love in lots of small ways from the ways he writes about him, going out of his way to make Fidds comfortable, dropping what he's doing to try and support him, (even going to a carnival he admits he finds dumb and annoying but he goes anyway cause he wants to make Fidds happy) paying close attention to Fidds mannerisms in a way he doesn't seem to for most people.

Ford loved this man. Exactly in what fashion is ambiguous but he did love him. Bill was the one trying to drive a wedge between them at every opportunity. He was the one feeding Ford's paranoia and undermining Fidds affection, disrespecting his gifts. Bill does all of this because he knows Ford cares about this person and that makes Fiddleford a threat to Bill's control. He needs Ford to be isolated and can't risk him listening to anyone else.

Shipping rants below the cut if you care about my feelings on that.

If you want my opinion on whether Ford's feelings were strictly platonic or not, tbh I'm not sure Ford knows the difference. I get the feeling that if the relationship took a romantic turn he'd be good with that, but he'd also be equally happy with just staying friends. I don't think he's strictly aroace but I do think he would struggle to meaningfully distinguish romantic love and deep friendship if you asked him to and that sex is probably completely optional to him. Fun with the right person, but not something he actively craves or would pursue or initiate on his own.

At the same time, I imagine Ford is dense as a brick wall and no amount of romantic/sexual hinting would get through the layers of autism. If Fidds wanted the relationship to go that direction he would have had to say as much outright in unambiguous language cause Ford was not going to get it otherwise or feel a strong compulsion to change the dynamic they already had since what they already had would have worked just fine for him in perpetuity.

I do think Fidds wanted something more than just being friends. He strikes me as a romantic type. But he's a closeted gay man who's married and probably struggling with some level of shame around his sexuality given he was raised in the rural south. No matter how much he wanted that kind of relationship with Ford I don't think he had it in him to actually cheat on Emma.

That and he might have hoped that Ford would make a move so that he personally wouldn't have to hold himself as accountable for whatever happened next but Ford was never going to make the first move cause that's just not how he operates.

I also think the concept of Fiddlestan makes for really good potential for a messy, sweet, and compelling story. It's not a bad ship, but sometimes it does leave a slightly sour taste in my mouth. It occasionally leaves me feeling like the takeaway is that Ford's autism makes him a bad romantic partner and Fidds would have been better off with his neurotypical brother. I know that's not something people ever mean to imply but as an autistic person myself who was once told by my own mother that I would hurt anyone who ever tried to love me because I'm "too cold" like, it hits kind of close to home for me. I don't know, if I was Ford and I came back to find my QPR "best friend" sleeping with my brother I would feel replaced and maybe even like I'm undeserving of love because I'm just too different.

"Ford treated Fiddleford so bad!!" As if him treating Fidds like shit wasn't directly a product of being constantly gaslighted and abused by Bill.

I'm genuinely getting tired of people flaming Ford, but in a serious tone. Like people are acting like he's a toxic selfish man that used to put Fidd down... and... no he never did???

Ford ADMIRED Fiddleford, he TRUSTED his friend for what he described as "the project of his life" and Ford, being the most prideful man in the world, decided to ask for help because he knew how CAPABLE Fiddleford was.

When Fiddleford arrived Ford let him know how thankful he was that he was there with him, the man even took a bath and made sure to make him feel like he was at home. Ford even remembered his favorite bean brand?

When Fidd got traumatized by the gremoblin, Ford TRIED to help with what he knew. He tried to help him meditate, took days off for him, decided that they could go out and have some good time. Be mindful that this might've been the total OPPOSITE of what Bill wanted, and he still did for his friend sanity. Bill would make Ford work like CRAZY.

Also, for him it wasn't "putting him in danger!!" For him it was sharing adventures with his friend! Just like hi did with *cofcofSTANLEYcofcof*. That's love language all around.

Fiddleford could abandon the project anytime, but he didn't because he liked being there. And Ford is NOT the guilty one for Fidds creatinf the gun :/ it's nor his fault that fidd interpreted "using his creativity" in that way. Ford NEVER approved that gun.

Also, Ford noticed that RUBIK THING, HE APPREACITE HIM SO MUCH HE KNEW HIS HABITS. AND GOT CONCERNED RIGHT AHEAD.

"B-but he free Frilliam!" The portal was close, did you all READ how much gaslighted Ford was at that point? He didn't free it because "ugh i don't care about this shitty axolotl" but because Bill started to freak out and yell at him to get rid of it. Ford wrote "A friend" with a heart in the title??? Wdym he didn't appreciate it aaaagh

If Stanley took the diaries (i don't like this universe because...stanley:() he WOULD have looked for Fiddleford, they'd have made the Institute of Oddology, he'd have shared his success... with the man that helped him the most.

TBOB SPOILERS AHEAD

He got sad when Fiddleford told him he was gonna get back home to spent time with his family, he PLANNED holidays with him. Even if he DIDN'T like holidays.

He took a day off just to make him happy after his atrocious christmas party, he USED RESOURCES that as you know ford is the most practical mam in the world JUST to decorate the portal as a tree and make Fiddleford happy.

And that atuff of "h-he doesn't appreaciated Fiddleford gifts!" IS SO DUMB OMG, he wore the gloves in the snow and was incredibly thankful about them. When BILL that dumbass triangle pretty much LACERATED his hands, he used Fiddleford gloves as a way to hide those scars, and in a sense, probably to comfort himself because he was ALONE.

I think that was the reason of Fiddleford fast forgiveness, not only because he's a sweet heart, but because after fighting with Bill i think he noticed how BIG was the monster torturing his "partner".

And after all of this i'm not trying to excuse Ford treating him poorly and not listening to him in time

BUT FORD IS NOT A PERFECT VICTIM

Even if i believe he wasn't "the" (at least only) reason of Fiddleford becoming crazy, i know it could have been better for him and he could have avoided so much trauma. But can we please stop seeing Ford as a selfish, evil mad scientist and start seing him as a victim... of a terribly abusive relationship that checks in for all types of domestic abuse... please!!! Ford is not a perfect VICTIM Can we blame Bill!!!

All this rant is because there's certain ship... which i kinda like, but i just HATE HATE HATE the interpretation and how much they put Ford as a villian on it omg

Edit: fixed the use of word narcissism, since it might've been ableist! Replaced with words that actually relate to what i intended to say, instead of referencing a personality disorder

[monster0sinful]

I want to vent here again about my online ex friend and I know I posted about it before but I felt that it wasn't consistent or maybe I'm just not good at typing very long posts at all. I'll try to be straightforward here about what I'm about to say precisely.

You see, I once had an online friend (before I made new ones recently from Reddit) on Twitter whom I personally knew for 4 years during the pandemic before we moved to Discord to chat there comfortably. In the beginning, I think we role played as our ocs in the Villainous fandom (I'm no longer in it) but we eventually started to text more as time went on. I remember that he initially didn't let me say anything while he was sharing his interests to me like he would just ignore what I said and keep rambling on until I called him out because I wanted to share my interests too rather than to listen to him, I wanted to engage in a conversation.

A few things that you need to know about my former online friend is that he was autistic and he suffered from CPTSD, he was a bit younger than me (we're both adults, don't worry), a trans man, a goth/metalhead and a Satanist. I really didn't mind that he's a Satanist unless he uses his beliefs to harm others or seems like a cult is when I'll have a problem with it.

As the years went by, he would tell me about his trauma in a venting manner but he would occasionally trauma dump on me without any warning whatsoever even when I greeted him, I think he took that as an invitation to do so. I should've called him out on that but I didn't want to seem rude and uncaring in his time of need. The other problem I had with him is that he wouldn't take some things I say very lightly as if I'm personally attacking him when all I'm doing is giving him advice on bettering himself on his mental health.

I actually did called him out for lashing out at me at times and he would apologize. I don't condone the things I said and done to trigger his trauma in our almost frequent arguments a few times, my close friend did say that it sounded more like we're both emotionally incompatible as friends, it does explain my questioning of our friendship despite we seemed "close" to the point where he admitted to see me as a big sister figure to him.

I also noticed that he acts very child-like all the time 24/7. My other close friend said that his autism really doesn't define him, it's his personality that does and that's coming from someone who is diagnosed with aspergers when I brought that up about him. I remember that one time I had to give him a heads up if I seemed really moody due to my menstrual cycle and he told me that he was uncomfortable of me saying that to him, I shit you not, I really got annoyed that he was uneasy with a natural normal thing of women that is something we can't control whether you're uncomfortable or not.

The most ironic thing is that not only is he a trans man, he's also bisexual and yet he's uncomfortable with something that happens naturally in women, to me that shows his maturity level but I have no explanation why I glossed that over back then. I now noticed how immature he is because I made a new online friend who is a guy and takes about the menstrual cycle very maturely (he's a bit older than me).

My former online friend really has an misfortune in having a few shitty friends yet stays with them. I remember that one of them ditched him and the other (although online) had a fall out with him for stupid reasons. I tried to warn him about them but he never listens to me and I can't do anything plus that he doesn't have a spine to stand up for himself against them for treating him badly nor telling them how he feels.

My online ex friend really doesn't have an excuse to have an attitude with me sometimes, his autism nor his trauma is never an excuse, those are reasons. I was starting to become distant with him, I didn't want to talk to him a lot and gave him short answers because his unresolved emotional baggage was really starting to take its toll on me...I was overwhelmed and frustrated. I tried suggesting him to go seek professional help but he refused due to his one bad experience with a therapist years ago.

The final straw is that he acted a bit rude during his drunken stupor and I lost it. I grilled on him about his occasional shitty behavior so badly to the point where he had a mental breakdown through text admitting that he's a selfish prick, that was what I needed to hear. It's good that he admits his poor mental health although he doesn't do anything about it.

I now have complicated views about him in the aftermath and I'm doing fine without him, he really needs to seek help in order for him to be in a functional friendship with others. I have second thoughts if I was the asshole to leave him because of his unresolved emotional baggage and trauma, am I?

[ven-finn]

May I have the Hiccup is autistic info dump please? As a treat?

OK OK LETS GO!!! I’m going to put this under the cut because it’s really long, and I’m not gonna apologize for that, since yall asked.

First off it’s like: everyone on the spectrum is different so I understand that another autistic person might have a completely different take here or not see what I see in how I relate to Hiccup. But that’s exactly why I think he’s neurodivergent !!! For the most part a lot of my headcanon comes down the the base text in the trilogy. 

 We’ve got the in canon, outright shit that is:

-He starts off as an outcast for explicitly being ‘different.’ All the other vikings are constantly talking about his different way of thinking and a different way of interacting to the world around him and their inability to understand them socially isolates Hiccup. He’s been noticeably the odd one out from day one, even if no one can name why!!! God!! Felt that little man!!!!!

-And Hiccup spends nearly every day focused on dragons, and consumes the handbook for it all in one sitting researching the night fury. Then when he’s not working on understanding the dragons and taking note of what Toothless reacts to, he’s engineering different mechanisms to fly with Toothless.  

-He fidgets constantly, and seems to have a hard time looking at people when he’s talking. I love the gifsets where people are showcasing all of his hand flailing and talk about how endearing it is in the tags. It makes me feel better about my own stimming. There’s also like... the entire opening conversation w Astrid from 2 that’s like “I don’t move like that” “you just did!” and I love it so much. A lot of the mannerisms I know were probably thrown in as animation dramatics but they are *my* mannerisms on screen so autism be upon ye, Hiccup.

-and when he’s talking he’s mouthy and often doesn’t realize he’s said the wrong thing until it’s too late! one of my favorite parts of httyd2 is when Hiccup is going on a tangent to Valka about ‘hey everythings gonna be great you can come back home and drago’s a nonissue and and and!’ and its a bit overbearing and Stoick literally has to say “slow down” so Hiccup can give Valka some breathing room. It’s like oh hey I’ve done exactly that before. (and I also hc Astrid as having ASD bc to me it makes their initial conflict all that more interesting and funny to me. Astrid’s like ‘hey wait don’t go against the social rules I memorized i worked very hard to be this socially competent’ and Hiccup stomps on that and is like “what?” It’s why their bond throughout the trilogy gets me so hard like we love to see two trans autistic vikings in love and winning.) 

-On the topic of his social skills, it’s the way he explains things to other people too that reads as autistic to me. He doesn’t go out of his way to verbalize most of his affection for dragons or why he thinks other people should understand. He just taps Toothless’ head and is like ‘I can show you’ through the act of riding itself. It’s either that or he goes on longwinded rants that he himself struggles to follow, so he relies on the former more frequently. 

 And guess what his pattern-tapping and his unique abilities end up setting him apart from others but it’s also what brings dragons and vikings together!! It is a good thing!!! No one else can think like he does and maybe they don’t have to but the world is better for him existing in it!! What a wonderful story!!! A story that becomes stronger for me when I put in the lense of “not only does this autistic character not have to grow out of his own skin to be accepted, his neurodivergent traits are what make him brilliant, what make him so in tune with dragons!” and not in the like. gross autistic savant or hollywood autism trope u see in shit like Hannibal or Sherlock. Hiccup is just some guy, but he’s just some autistic guy, who can do great things! don’t get why autistic cis men will tell u our only icons are like. Rorschach and Rick Sanchez when Hiccup is literally right there/hj. 

This is more sub textual than the rest of my points but there’s the aspect of Hiccup’s focus on *specifically* animals. It’s a common early special interest for plenty of autistics. Fun fact is the creator of pokemon, Satoshi Tajiri, was autistic and had a special interest on bugs-his love for them is partly why Pokemon exists! And My own animal special interests were elephants, pandas, and cats. It was such a big thing for me that still, every year for my birthday people still get me plushies of them. I was 6 when Httyd1 came out, but I watched it like. Religiously. And less so for any of the characters or story but because I adored Toothless, who I knew was based off of a cat without having to be told. So Hiccup being so quickly dedicated to this dragon... :) yeah. He understands dragons so much more than he understands people and Toothless and the rest seem to comfort him because being with the dragons forgoes stressful human conversation for just being content to be!! what a story!! what a grand thing!! 

tldr: hiccup stims a lot, has clear moments of hyper-focus and special interest, and his social skills are parallel to my own. To me, his most base story reads as an autistic story. 

[autisticzukka]

do you have any headcanons about autistic Zuko? Whether that be modern au or canon doesn't matter. What are his stims, special interests, etc?

AHHH i wasnt notified this was sent thank you for so much for sending something in!!! I wouldn’t say I have specific headcanons about autistic!Zuko because... I literally never write him any other way. But here’s a number of headcanons anyways.

+ Stims: I REALLY REALLY like using the fire meditation for a stim with Zuko, where it goes up and down with his breath, you know? it sounds like the bender equivalent of rocking, tbh. I especially like having him just... poof up a little flame and hold it in his hands, especially when talking about hard subjects. Other stims I like are rolling himself up in a blanket or nearby sheet or something for Pressure TM, and jumping off of and onto things. When stressed, yeet yourself out the nearest window and parkour away from your emotions. This is a motto Zuko lives by. I also like making him pick at the threads on stuff and chew on bits of his mouth.  

+ Special interests: as far as canon, I would say dao and gymnastics. for headcanons i really like embroidery, actually? I like the idea that when he was little he had a lot of trouble with fire regulation and with dexterity, and so Ursa just included him on her embroidery to help him train those up. If you fuck up too badly, you stab yourself. If you get too angry you fucked up, you set the cloth or the thread on fire. But it’s incredibly low stakes, and something he can do while feeling calm beside her. Also: it’s practical for someone who’s likely going to be a career soldier, but not necessarily something he’d be taught in formal classes.  

+ if it’s a modern AU i refuse to believe that Zuko prefers speaking out loud. he clearly has issues with tone modulation and saying the Wrong Thing. he let his phone battery go below 40% once and it was the most harrowing moment of his life. he started carrying around a small notebook, 2 pencils, and a pen. just in case. 

+ I adore faceblind Zuko. I adore Zuko who doesn’t have any idea what he looks like, really, he formed some kind of self image at like 10 and then just aged it up mentally as he went. 

+ I also really love “i both over planned and under planned for this because I know that I do some of my best work improvising under pressure so I will DELIBERATELY back myself into a corner and turn on survival mode” Zuko. this specific habit of his is why i kind of headcanon him as adhd & autism combo, actually, because that’s what i have. and can i just say... this is how I passed MANY an exam. 

+ most of his scripts are McFucking uselessly oriented around being the Crown Prince of the Fire Nation. he gets better about this as the show goes on but I like to think that sometimes when he’s tired he’ll slip into extremely courtly manners. after a long day he’s trying to figure out how to ask Katara to pass the improvised foraging soup and he just goes “Lady Katara, I can’t help but notice that soup. It looks delicious.” (Fire Nation courtly manners for royalty are indicating interest, manners for everyone else is immediately offering as a gift whatever they expressed interest in, unless it’s their literal clothing. Well. Most of the time, if it’s their literal clothing.)

+ I really love writing him deflecting! He’s bad at outright lying, and he’s bad at saying the truth outright unless he’s pushed to a breaking point and he’s yelling it. What does he do? Deflect in circles around the topic! this is really fun with Sokka, because he’s so straightforward...

+ I love nonbinary and aro/ace spectrum entirely queer Zuko. this is super common with a lot of my autistic friends, we just... things are... confusing. Recognizing your own feelings? confusing. deciding what they mean? confusing. attraction? do we... actually know what that is? a lot of people feel VERY strongly that Zuko is a man, so why not roll with it, right? a lot of people feel VERY strongly that Zuko should have a wife someday, so... why not roll with it? I really like writing Zuko feeling out the differences between relationships with sexual/romantic attraction, and relationships without. And I like him choosing to prioritize both types! Queerplatonic and romantic. 

+ strict code of honor & behavior but it’s almost indecipherable to others who don’t think in the same way as him. “I have wronged Katara, and all of my attempts to make it right have failed. That means I do whatever she wants within reason until she’s no longer wronged. I will sit outside her tent all night instead of knocking so I don’t bother her. Hey, do you want me to kill that guy for you? Cuz I’ll totally kill that guy for you.”

+ I really like writing him like - bouncing between intentional humor and unintentional. Attempting to keep a straight face and not managing it. Being a bit overdramatic about something entirely genuinely and then when he realizes leaning into it, humorously, mocking himself a little bit. Sometimes too much. 

[z00r0p4]

Do you have any episode ideas where they could bring up Eugene possibly being on the spectrum?

I’d go with same general idea I had for Cate’s story. But it doesn’t have to be Cate, per se.

Besides, I’m getting the jist that Eugene and Katrina will foster or adopt another child besides Buck. That’s what they’ve hinted at. So, while it pains me to leave Cate out of the equation, here’s the concept:

Eugene and Katrina look into fostering/adopting another child and eventually find a candidate. The kid is probably much younger than Buck. Maybe 5 or 6. Social services (or whatever) had warned that it was a tough case, but Eugene and Katrina (Katrina especially) felt compelled/called to help this kid in particular.

So they bring the kid home, and things go surprisingly well for a little while. The kid’s got some quirks, of course, but nothing Eugene and Katrina don’t know how to handle. They’re especially tickled at how precocious the child is in the language department (who does that remind you of?). Ofc, it’s not entirely smooth sailing from the get-go, either, as it’s clear that this kid has a lot of trust and abandonment issues going on. And while the kid is clearly very intelligent, there are a host of developmental delays elsewhere. More or less, however, that was to be expected. E & K had done research into it well before they agreed to take on fostering the kid.

So then the kid inevitably has some sort of meltdown. I’m not saying it has to be on the same level as the classical, extremely clichéd “autistic meltdown”, but it’s definitely a meltdown of sorts. Maybe it’s the way something feels, or they become overstimulated in a certain environment and completely shut down. Either way, it’s kind of a big deal— at least, it is for Katrina. Eugene is... oddly unfazed by the whole ordeal, and basically reassures Katrina by saying this was what they signed up for. And he’s not wrong, of course. There’s no doubt about that in Katrina’s mind, but the situation left her searching for some sort of answer.

So, naturally, she goes back to her research. She was well aware of the typical abandonment and attachment disorders often found in children growing up in foster care or neglectful households, etc, but this... felt different. After having the kid stay with them for however many months at that point, there were a variety of things that simply could not be chalked up to an abandonment or attachment disorder. Some of those things would probably include a seemingly ever-increasing amount of physical sensory issues/overstimulation, repetitive self-soothing behaviors (and repetitive behavior in general), and a need for rigid routine (signaling some mental inflexibility).

Katrina’s a teacher at this point (right?), so she’s no dummy. She knows what autism is; she’s probably had autistic students in some of her classes, but even so, so she doesn’t begin to connect the dots until she stumbles across something comparing some of the symptoms of reactive attachment disorder to common traits of autism. So she diverts some of her research into that area, and starts to observe the kid according to those diagnostics. Things start to make sense then.

But something else also becomes apparent.

As she’s making all of these observations and mental notes, she’s referring to Eugene, naturally. “Doesn’t that seem a little odd?” She says to him, after pointing out one of the kid’s repetitive motions or behaviors. He chuckles and responds, in essence: “Don’t be coy, Katrina. Have you not seen me do that before?”

And she realizes that, yes, she has. But it was always written off as one of his many idiosyncrasies.

So she goes back to observing the kid, but she can’t help but notice all of these strange parallels. Eugene’s mannerisms, things he says and does; things he professes to hate, bear a lot of resemblance to the kid’s behaviors and preferences.

One day, she goes on a research rabbit trail about Autism and its relationship to savantism. And she is absolutely shocked at what she finds. Eugene is practically the poster boy for autistic savantism. It’s clear as the light of day; how had she never noticed this before? Furthermore, how had he never noticed this about himself? And what about his foster parents? Teachers? Doctors?

All the while, Katrina is becoming convinced that there’s a good basis for getting the kid tested, so she goes ahead and schedules an appointment. She wants to talk to Eugene about him potentially getting tested as well, but she’s unsure of how to bring it up— especially because, at that point, Eugene is completely unaware that there may be more to himself than meets the eye. He sees the basis for getting the kid tested; there’s evidence to suggest it. But him? He didn’t have meltdowns.

...or didn’t he?

Y’all remember when Eugene experimented on himself and ended up with a serious case of amnesia because the funding for his project was cut? He had to have been absolutely incensed in order to do something like that. Incensed enough to do something that batshit insane.

Yeah. That’s a meltdown, babes.

We didn’t actually get the privilege of hearing what happened the night he experimented on himself, since our knowledge of it comes from secondary sources, but we can imagine how he must’ve felt when we later hear him begging Mr. Whittaker to use everything in his arsenal to try and get his memory back. Katrina literally had to corral him back before he devolved into a nervous wreck. You can argue that he was just emotionally compromised from trying to navigate a life he couldn’t remember, but his response is, in my opinion, directly related to what drove him to act so carelessly in the first place. It’s in his nature to react so strongly to something like that.

Of course, Eugene doesn’t recognize that. And how could he? That is and always has been his reality. He assumes it must be similar for everyone else. And since his meltdowns, or “moments,” as I’d like to call them, don’t involve kicking and screaming or completely shutting down, he doesn’t think there’s any reason to suspect that he may be autistic, but Katrina is only more and more convinced as time goes on.

So from here I’ve got two ideas; Katrina schedules an appointment for him right around same time that their kid gets tested, so they show up to the office, and the psychiatrist (?) calls up a very confused Eugene. Or , the psychiatrist they’re seeing for the kid straight up reccommends he get tested. I could probably go into more detail about that, but this is already literally SOOO long so I won’t be subjecting y’all to any more.

[slowlyreadinghouseofmirth]

Page 7

In truth, he had never liked her as well as at that moment -> Selden's affections here are plain to see, made so especially by subordinate clause 'in truth' which conveys an honesty and freshness about his feelings. Most importantly, he likes her when she is being her true self, unconventional, and willing to take risk. It's likely informed by his disillusion with high society and finding commonality in someone willing to disregard its etiquette. This is where Lily is unique.

There's also this sense that Selden likes Lily because she is impulsive and this sparks his curiosity to try and understand why she does the things she does-- understand Lily as a person.

He knew she had accepted without afterthought: -> This reaffirms Lily's lack of hesitancy, which alludes to how willing she is to be in Selden's company. It also shows how comfortable she is with him as she is aware of the rumours that could occur but never merits them with being a possibility, showing great trust.

Alternatively, being aware of the risks and having not afterthoughts could suggest that she doesn't fully understand the risks' depth and nuance as in future the situation at Monte Carlo would suggest, but I'm getting ahead of myself.

he could never be a factor in her calculations -> there's a colon that separates this clause from the previous one which suggests this is an explanation for Lily's certainty. To me this would point more towards Lily not really associating the risk of rumours with Selden because she trusts him so much. i.e she does not think of him when she thinks of the risks. But given that they are going up to his apartment it seems strange that Selden would not think himself a factor in her decision. It's therefore possible that he thinks that Lily does not think of him worthy of great consideration.

Also the noun 'calculations' would suggest a lot of thought had gone into the decision where it was previously implied it was one of impulse. This seems like Selden thinks that Lily is playing an intricate game, which further demonstrates his curiosity about her and need to understand her.

there was a surprise, a refreshment almost, in the spontenaity of her consent -> This further contrasts Selden's perception of Lily's 'calculations' and I think the narration is a fine weave between objective reality--where Lily is impulsive-- and Selden's subjective perceptions-- where Lily appears impulsive but there is something more complex informing her decisions. I think this is meant to show that Selden is blinded somewhat by his affections for Lily, seeing things deeper than what are there or what everybody else sees. Alternatively, we as the reader lack Selden's sight into the complexities of Lily and so she is introduced to us as other people see her, which isn't well at all, and we have to learn how Selden sees her. It's a challenge to care for Lily as he does.

The spontaneity invokes a light hearted and refreshing feeling of being in love which mirrors the honest of truth mentioned earlier.

So there's Selden's surprise at Lily being so spontaneous which draws back to a previous point about she is unique for being impulsive almost reckless. It's like we get a sense of her character and her environment from how the two are at odds with each other. Lily is impulsive; noone else of her class should be like that. In a way that makes her free from the system and yet shows her struggle against it but ultimately her struggle will be more defining.

She noticed the letters and notes heaped on the table -> I assume that this is a reference to future letters although I don't know if they would be the same ones. If they were, I don't even have the mental capacity to unpack that. Just the thought that Lily's fall is inevitable, that even when she is happy, having a nice time, an unknown omen lurks within the same room that will bring her sorrow... oh its symbolic, for sure. But I don't want to think about it.

Lily sank into one of the shabby leather chairs -> the verb 'sank' shows how at home Lily really is with this kind of surroundings, how the shabby whilst not fashionable or expensive, is comfortable. From this we and the the pile of letters we get an image of a a slightly disorderly but well-lived in home. This is one of the tragedies where we see the possibility of what her future with Selden could look like where it is unconventional but Lily is comfortable at home even with it.

"How delicious to have a place like this all to oneself! What a miserable thing it is to be a woman," -> I love Lily's exaggerated turns of phrases like 'delicious' and the exclamations; I think Wharton's emphasis on these exaggerations is to capture Lily's innocence through her speech by making it similar to that of a child who is easily excitable.

Again with the exaggeration but this time with 'miserable', we get the sense that Lily has found the world difficult as a woman to live in but miserable seems too strong of a word, certainly at this stage in the book and is sort of hidden within her other hyperbolised expressions. Maybe this creates a kind of cry-wolf situation where, when Lily properly starts to struggle, people don't take notice not only because it wasn't the done thing to do to talk about struggles but also because of her melodramatic personality, everyone thought the same stuff was happening as it had before and Lily was making a big fuss over nothing.

There is repetition of 'miserable' in association to being of female sex further down the page which is another example of Lily's melodrama. But at this point we as a modern audience start to question if she is actually alright (or at least I did). I'm not sure if a contempary audience if the time would have given the strict taboo over discussing any kind of struggle financial/physical health etc. let alone the discussion of mental health. From the impression I get of the time, the only real source of outlet for people struggling with mental health beyond self medication was art, which makes me wonder as to the position Wharton is writing this from.

she leaned back in a luxury of discontent -> The juxtaposition of 'luxury' and 'discontent' raises an important theme that wealth does not equate happiness and that Lily is not happy as a socialite but happy in the company of Selden, and that actually money is the source of Lily's unhappiness. In this specific context, she is lamenting her lack of freedom to live the lifestyle that Selden does.

"Even women," he said "Have been know to enjoy the privaledges of a flat." -> Putting the discourse marker directly after the subject of 'women' breaks it apart from the rest of the sentence and emphasises the extraordinariness of women being able to live independently. But it also raises the possibility of it and suggests that Selden thinks Lily is extraordinary and unconventional enough to achieve the possibility if she chose to.

"Oh governesses– or widows. But not girls– not poor, miserable, marriageable girls!" -> Again we have the breakdown of womanhood into distinct classes like governess, widows, and girls,which creates the idea that there's no intersections between any of them and is a reflection of of societies fixation for categorisation which loses sight the complexity of situations and problems. And it also makes it easier to place social stigmas like those on governesses and widows. Those stigmas are made apparent here but in contrast to how Lily describes girls, being a governess or a widow seems desirable.

In the list of adjectives 'poor, miserable, marriageable', marriageable is equated to these other adjectives and we see that Lily associates marriage with a poverty of kind, of the heart.

It's also interesting that Lily talks about herself as a girl where Selden speaks of her as a woman. Lily plays up her innocence as she has probably been taught to to make desirable marital match, but with that Lily carries around an air of immaturity and naïvity; she's still very child-like. Perhaps that's a part of her that's trying to cling to her youth so she doesn't have to face her future where she will need to marry to survive. Lily sees her adulthood as a constraint on her and her desires whereas Selden sees her potential.

"you mean Gerty Farish," she smiled a little unkindly. "But I said marriageable–" -> Okay so definitely a little tone deaf on Lily's part buts she's honest to a fault and her honesty is refreshing and entertaining.

I'm no expect on autism and don't claim to be but there's something about Lily's mannerisms here that reminds me of people who I know and am very close with who are autistic. And it makes me wonder if Lily was autistic and neurodivergence was recognised in her time if her fate would have been any different.

"Her cook does the washing and her food tastes if soup. I should hate that you know." -> I just love the imagery of the first sentence, it strikes my funnybone. I guess it also illustrates that Lily's privileged upbringing if she thinks this is a bad situation to live in.

Okay I'm going to bring in a bit of a technical term to describe the verb 'should'. So it's a modal verb (expressing possibility based on context) but specifically a deontic modal verbal, meaning that Lily's hate depends on social rules. When she says she should hate it it implies that society wants her to hate it but she wouldn't necessarily hate it. That's what that verb phrase implies in today's english, but language has changed since the time it was written so it may not have been written with this meaning, especially as a signifier of an older text is the use of modal verbs in places we wouldn't today and a lot more of them.

The shift from Selden's reflections to the quick dialogue and short simple sentences of action creates a lively and charged atmosphere that feels almost flirtatious in its rhythm but by the nature of the content is more domestic (preparing afternoon tea). The balanced turn taking feels comfortable in that they both have equal power in the conversation, being allowed to say what they want to and being listened to. It goes towards simulating what a possible future could be and also shows how happy they are in this moment.