#he deserves everthing he deserves nothing

[strab3rr]

(long story and no short sorry) GUYSSS I DID ITT

I INDUCED IT!!!!! I WAS PURE AS A FUCKING BABY

IDK WHAT TO SAY (ok enough w capslock)

i have so much to say and not a thing at da same time idk how

anyway i want to begin with thanking you @b4ddprincess bc youre the reason i realized why i started this thing. thank you for making my life better and make me realized what i need to do: nothing. (its same for you guys, all u have to do is nothing)

two fuckn years ago i said to myself that i need a better life, quiter life, less fight with everthing bc everything was so loud and not clear i was feeling lost like a child in the market, and i wanted to make things better for myself in every way, but the main idea of my reasons to wanting to get in the void was: making anxiety go and having better people in my life. but the ''voidlist'' just never stopped bc im kinda greedy(having the idea of controling on your life, the idea of that power makes you greedy. yes thats a thing) anyway the more i add to the list the more i feel like im movin away from my desires then i feel depressed bc ive overcomplicating it bc theres so many things to do but i dont do anything so nothing happend bc i was waiting to be someth happen. and then i started doing awkwardly silly things such as: void routines and challenges and (im embarrassed of this one bc i was too desperate) drinking water

youve read it correct drinking water.

i was sooo desperate for having those things id do anything to get them.

i am simple. i want what everyone wants🎀🎀🎀: shifting realities bc i have so many crush and i need them to be crush me in bed(for 2020 girlies)

being an academic weapon is so easy for me🎀(bc of the urge to make my family proud) +dream collage

being the girl that everyone gets along w(basic needs)

being the girl who is pretty not cute(trauma response)

glowing aura(cats loves people w glowing aura yes thats a thing too)

dream body n hair(bc i deserve this🎀)

healthy (girlyfriend)friends(basic needs)

and of course him, my sp(i cant tell wich one at that time but i releived that its not him now, bc MY BELOVED CURRENT BF. guyss he is the one. dont u dare ask me how you know? i literally manifested him🎀)

then i realized i can have everything bc its my reality so why not add these:

new phone, +macbook air

dream apartment of my own

pinterest closet

lifa app for this reality

financially free-money(a lot. like really a lot)

knowing 4 languages like a native person(bc i want to be diplomat so bad) +sign language(its in general)

a little drama(its not gonna hurt anybody)

my parents being more lovable and away from me

every time i try to get in, either i was failing or falling

and im sick of it, sick of it so much i quit.(for a year)

then i go to the theraphy(ofc no im jk ilove being crazy)

one day i saw a post ss from tumblr about pure consciousness on pinterest and i was like whaat is thiiss. no mention of void so i thougt its a diffrent thing and i download the tumblr again and search everything abt it. and same excitement again after one year same thougts and same list popes up in my head. and i was like ok maybe this time itll happen.

still waiting to be someth happen so nothing happend, it was such a waste of time trying to get in while i was already be, i was already what i want to become. i was that girl that everyone gets along with but i couldnt even see bc i was too focused on wanting to be. but still tried every night and failed. and again tried-failed-quit circle bc.. have you ever met me🎀

4 month ago i saw the girl, iconic blogger and the goddess of my dreams, her @b4ddprincess thx again love u so much

a post pops in my fyp and i see the words ''pure consciousness'' i was like noo not again. and i was serious abt it i wasnt gonna read the whole thing but it attract me n i couldnt resist it so ive read it from the top to the bottom. and she got my interest so i stalked her page from the last and to the first post. it was quiet a beautiful journey for me. lasted like 3 days, the end of the 3rd day i was ''woaw it was this easy all along? u cant be serious.'' she was. i tried one last time, no breathing exercise, no ridiculous routines and no waiting something to be happen. it was just me being real me chilling out asf.

and it was this easy and it should be this easy bc being your 4d self is being nothing also being everything at the same time. if u wanna be everything you should be nothing first(as wizardliz saying: drop the old story, leave the victimhood, for being better stop being bitter etc.)u should make a space for everything first and then u can be everything.

for being 4d self of yours stop being your3dself.

sooo long story (no)short i am writing this from my mac in my new apartment(in middle of the night bc i couldnt sleep and then one tumblr notification reminded me i have a success story to share too) and my phone buzzing two minutes a time bc of my friends while im writing this, so if theres anything wrong ignore it pls.

oh u asking my bf how cute, hes sleepin in my bed now, exhausted from the work n school balance.

YWS SCHOOL!! im in my dream collage and im going to be in paris for a week. i deserve a vacation i guess(its for another conference), i kinda hate french men bc theyre so mansplaning(not like how i imagined, its hard to be friends w them)girls are cute but i feel like theyre aware im not permanent there so we just con buddies still cute and hepful for this foreigner.

and i canceled the lifa app thingy bc i can be my purest consciousness anytime i want, so i am my lifa app.

and thx to 4 languages i make a lot of money and that brings us to the pinterest closet, yesterday i realiased that. theyre not comes to me w an imaginary way like i imagined! i go outside for shopping casually and theyre there luckily i have enough money to buy them.

and my family theyre living in our hometown now so as i want it to be, we are away from eachother.

and the most magical thing: SHIFTING REALITIESSS

i did 5 world before i met w my bf. it was such a wonderful experience. if you have doubts abt shifting you can go fuck urself

because sir i did it and i am very sure that dean winchester being my husband is not a daydream, fantasy nor lucid dreaming. believe it or not he kissed me GOD HE KİSSED ME(someone should stop me i have a bf)

is there anything i missed let me see.. cats i have 2 cats now and theyre adorable. glowing aura-check

the girl who is pretty not cute- check +make anxietygo-checkcheckcheck

dream body and hair- check and check

i wanna give u a info i didnt have all my desires by being my4dself

not directly actually. but i have them all. and thats the point.

im not trying to be a blogger but if you have any question abt anything, id be happy to help

now i need to upgrade things in my farm byeess

loves, siena.

[hahaineedsleep]

Lemme just rant here for a second here cause I just loved this freaking season so much??? there was sm hate going around after the 1st part but man I'm glad i never lost hope and rightfully so cause omggg?? they brought it all together brilliantly like it could not have been better!!!! (yes for cressida too, she had to have some consequences and i do believe her story is not over just yet, i do hope she doesn't end up worse or like marina)

Also at first i was like where are the balls? I need them dancing with their partners, it's regencyyyy and they did not disappoint in pt2!!! The songs too??? Yellow for Pen's entry? Freaking GENIUS. I DIED during the 'You Belong To Me' part as well!!

Colin is literally the bestest sweetest boy, my girl Pen deserves NOTHING LESS. The way he admitted to him being jealous and apologized for how he reacted to her being LW and still throughout the marriage they were happy (like that's how marriage sometimes is!!) and so in love with each other (The nods at the alter, the DANCING) and then Pen saying she loves Colin for who he is (i loved the scene when he confronts her about what she wrote about him cause it was true 😂) Her saying that she loves his kindness and sweet nature IS EVERTHING TO ME.

And the way Francesca is literally my spirit animal??? I LOVE HER SM SHE'S SO FREAKING CUTE I CAN'TTTT. The Bridgerton family scenes were literally some of my favorites this season.

THE AMOUNT OF QUEER REPRESENTATION TOO, BENEDICT I THOUGHT I COULD NOT LOVE YOU MORE. Ughhh i could go on and onnnn about the details too. The intimate scenes, the letters??, the featherington women all having a better relationship with eachother (the mother daughter convo hit too close yall), the mondrichs, Eloise and Benedict?? My absolutely fav duo, and just Pen being SO HERSELF AND SO CONFIDENT, She know she's a Queeeen i think she has too much power now yall and I LOVE THAT FOR HER

Haters may hate but this season really is one of the best.

[badmoonriiising]

After they parted ways, Regulus decided not to look back for James despite of how much he wanted to. He was already too late. James had a wife and a little boy. It made sense: everyone knew from the beginning how fitting Lily was for him, James would be an incredible dad, and Regulus, aware of how kids deseve to be loved and have such good parents because of his own experiencies, decided to let Harry Potter have a father devoted to his family.

Life carried on.

Years later, Regulus doesn't regret his decision. He does, however, think that his old heartbreak has nothing to do with how losing Pandora due to her experiments has shattered his heart to pieces. She was his best friend. Regulus could keep up with everything just because she was always keeping his hand with such gentleness. Evan, Barty and Dorcas are a mess about it too. Xenophilius seems to get madder day by day. And little Luna, who witnesed everthing, is devastaded. She has Pandora's curios gaze, always looking for Regulus now that she seeks comfort, holding him almost afrid of losing her godfather too.

It happens rather quickly. Xenophilius doesn't get better, never ready to take care of his daughter again, and Regulus keeps his thoughts about how kids deserve to be taken care of with pure joy and love after years. Luna was Pandora's, Regulus was hers too, so it makes sense they now belong to each other.

Regulus Black isn't build to be a father. But how he tries. Luna ends up having his meaning grin, mixes her interest for magical creatures with her godfather's anthics for books, and always stands for herself, never letting anyone laugh at her.

He's never loved someone this much in his entire life.

She's the one to achieve what Sirius and James never could, getting him out of Grimmauld Place, making him forget everything about the Black family, because Luna must never be near to anything slightly related to them.

But things are never easy, aren't they? Of course Luna has to go to Hogwarts and get back being friends with Harry Potter.

After years and years of hidding his pain, Regulus faces his brother, with complicated feelings among them: obviously Sirius thought he would never do better and won't admit he's more than impressed about how Regulus has raised this little girl.

And of course, there's James Potter. He's not longer with Lily, but they work side by side because they still care deeply for each other and have a boy they would die for in common. It's different now. James has a family, but so does Regulus. He likes his peace and doesn't want any Potter nearer than necessary. It's easier to pretend he doesn't see the pain burning in James' eyes when he discovers the reason why Regulus never reached out, of how he decided to let him have his happy life and pretended he preferred Walburga Black in the end. And let's not misunderstand it: despite it all, James is fucking happy. But he always wanted to share his happiness with Regulus, and Luna reminds him so much of him back when they were at school that it breaks his heart every single time.

[inlove76]

lost love

really random but its been on my mind might be a little short so

angst cause why not

male reader x kakashi hatake

~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~

why was loving so hard? why so difficult. why was loving him so hard to do

a man you once loved and gave your heart to

someone you couldn't think about living without.

kakashi was able to sense what you were feeling through how you body tensed and untensed. how your face turned and wrinkled into a mix of disgust and anger whenever you didn't like something are when ever your back muscles tensed when you were frightened are on guard. when your shoulders tensed out of anger are when your jaw tightened when you wanted to say something bile but never did. its a given kakashi is quite an observer so it doesn't come as much of a surprise when ever he knows what your feeling with out you telling him. his favorite definitely being the way your eyes light up whenever something fascinated you are whenever you were told something you hadn't known.

to kakashi you were easy to read, but you liked to bottle all your emotions so not many people knew how you felt and how often you'd zone out and forget everything until someone grounded you again. unlike kakashi you weren't really known by many people so it was easy for people to forget that you were apart of the conversation, but that was okay because you had kakashi and that's all that

mattered to you. kakashi could still remember the peaceful days when you two just cuddled in bed neither one of you wanting are needing to get up. oh how kakashi loved you and how he loved that you didn't judge people easily, that being one of the many reasons he fell in love with you.

but unfourtently everything must come to an end even this peace you had created for yourself. love was truly hard and loving someone was even harder. your wonderful (e/c) eyes staring at him with so much love and compassion.....but know those same eyes stared down at him with nothing at all everything that once made you so lively was gone. kakashi looked up at you as you held a sword to his throat as he stayed on the ground and bleeding slightly from the head from yours and his previous fight.

"give up all ready kakashi you've lost" you spoke with so much hate but your body didn't show any of it. grey and red eye meeting (e/c) ones everthing fell on deaf ears as you stared at him a nd he stared at you. "you look so dull" kakashi mumbled and brought his hand up to try and touch your face but you stopped him by moving your sword closer to his throat "don't touch me hatake" your words came out so venomisly your eyes no longer shining bright with love and affection, no. know instead replacing that love was dullness and there was nothing he could do about it.

why was loving so hard? did he not deserve happiness? I guess not because the one thing that brought joy to his dull black and grey world was you and know your staring down at the man you so desperately loved with nothing left to say and dull eyes everything seemed so...out of place. was this really how it ended were you going to kill him? kakashi looked at you one last time and smiled slightly "you know I'll always love you (name). he said and smiled as you stared at him a d finally brought your sword down but instead of hitting him it hit the ground beside him "you should stop...love is pointless" was the last thing he heard from you before you left. left him left the village everything. this was really the end, what everything came down to why was the world so cruel??.

wooooo finally got it down its freaking 10:31 and I'm exhausted

if you have any ideas of what I could write please let me know because my brain hurts right know bye bye all you beautiful people.

[league-of-sam]

Just like the Rain | Ghost x Reader

Ghost x AFAB!Reader

Based on the song Rain by Sleep Token

Masterlist

Summary: Simon Riley is a shell of the man he once was. He is bruised, broken, misused, cast aside. The only release into peace he ever felt was the thrashing of rain, it's why he loved the violence of thunderstorms. Until he met you. t.w // angst, fluff, trauma, sexual themes, bad language, military content, death, violence, military inaccuracies 18+ MINORS DNI

Just another day, the same routine.

Over and over.

It's why Ghost loved his team so much. Being in Task Force 141 gave him then sense of control and routine that he had so desperately craved in life. He knew who was coming, who was going; he knew the faces, the people.

But despite his love for them, despite the looming feel of a family here, he didn't quite feel like he fit in. He was never sure if they needed him like he needed them, not that he'd ever admit it.

He never felt like he was needed, he had never once felt the perfect fit for someone.

All that changed the second you had walked through the door.

Ghost was never the type to buy into romance, he didn't believe in that 'love at first sight' bollocks, but you...the way you walked in, head held high and confident alongside Price, changed everything.

You became that something he'd been waiting for.

For so long I have waited...so long that I almost became just a stoic statue fit for nobody

He stood still and silent as you were introduced, his heart fighting with his mind.

Anger ran through his veins, why had Price brought someone new? Why wasn't what they had already enough?

But the heat rising in his cheeks every time you so much as glanced in his direction fought with that emotion.

Little did he know, that forced under his intense stare, butterflies ran wild in the pit of your stomach, surpised at having captured the attention of the infamous Lieutenant Riley.

Over the coming weeks, you had settled into the team nicely, almost all of them making you feel welcome. But not Ghost, he kept well and truly distant, only speaking to you when necessary.

Days turned to weeks, weeks turned to months, and you'd come to accept the fact that your lieutenant just simply wouldn't bond with you.

I don't wanna get in your way, but I finally think I can say that the vicious cycle was over the moment you smiled at me

On the other side of it all, he was acting that way in order to save you from himself. He knew what he was, he knew how he could be. And even if you did want him the way he wanted you, he knew that he couldn't let it happen.

You deserved better than the broken man he was.

You deserved someone like Soap, or Gaz, or even Price. Someone who wasn't so fucking scared to lose people that it had been years since he'd even shown any ounce of real affection to anyone.

He was short with you, strict. He pushed you to limits in training, anything to punish the way he was feeling, and to make you realise that he'd never be worth the trouble.

He'd only get in your way, and a flourishing soldier like you didn't need those distractions.

His mind turned in vicious cycles, over and over. It never stopped, nothing he ever did helped. But the second a smile spread onto your face, everthing was silent for that moment.

Every time you smiled at him, you clawed your way further into his heart.

And like clockwork, the second he lost sight of that, the noise returned.

With a damp cigarette between his lips, he fought with those demons. You were safely tucked up inside, no doubt lulled to sleep by the hammering of the rain on the roof of that tiny safehouse.

In the woods, in the middle of nowehere, mid-mission.

He was alone.

These were his favourite nights. The thunder roaring so loud that it almost drowned out the noise of his tired thoughts. The rain pelting so hard, the sting it left on his skin made him feel something.

Like it was the water itself, washing away his pain.

Washing away his suffering.

The rain brought him peace.

And just like the rain, you cast the dust into nothing, and wash out the salt from my hands

You thought he hadn't noticed you sneak out from the safe house and join him in the rain. His lack of reaction to your sitting next to him would have confirmed that.

But the goofy smirk he had playing on his lips under the mask would have proven you wrong.

"You're not as quiet as you think, sergeant." He mumbled.

"Wasn't trying to be, sir."

You giggled, and the melodic sound caused him to whip his head to face you, desperate to see your face light up in that smile.

And there it was, clear as day.

"Touche." He grunted, "Somethin' bothering ya?"

"Could ask you the same thing."

You went back and forth like that for a while, and it finally felt like you were bonding.

The longer you spent sitting together in the rain, the less he could stop himself from talking.

He told you things he'd never told anyone, he talked about things he'd never even touched on with the hundreds of therapists Price had made him see over the years. Your presence calmed him, made him feel like his problems were nothing but dust collecting.

It brought him peace, and it was far too late when he'd realised just how much of himself he'd shared with you.

Yet when he glanced at you, eyes wide in horror, fear swallowing him whole, you looked back with that same smile and reached out, wrapping your fingers around his own and squeezed.

"It's okay, Ghost. Your secrets are safe with me." You tried to reassure him.

But he couldn't say a thing.

No word would come out - he'd made himself far too vulnerable, and now you knew things.

You sighed, frowning at his lack of response, but turned to him, "I can be a really good friend, if you'd just let me." You whispered.

Your hand squeezed his once more, bearing that oh-so-soft smile of yours, and you stood, turning and returning to the safehouse silently.

The second you left, his body felt cold. A shiver ran the length of his spine.

Yet he didn't much care.

All he could do was stare at his hand, marvelling at the empty space where yours was.

And all he could think about was how much he wanted to feel your touch again.

Even through the rest of the mission, he paired the two of you together, he stayed close, claiming he was just watching your back. It got to the point where there were few times you were able to turn and not be faced with his skull mask staring back at you.

Of course, you took it as his way of showing that he thought you weren't good enough to be there, you weren't capable of being a good soldier.

Ghost thought the complete opposite.

You were incredible, and he just wanted to feel your touch again, he wanted to feel your skin on his again.

He needed it.

He craved it.

Because when you touched him last, it felt like all his problems just faded away; nothing but peace, just like the rain.

So touch me again, I feel my shadow dissolving, will you cleanse me with pleasure?

It did not take long for him to get to the point where he couldn't take it anymore.

He just had to have you.

The furious knocking on your door at three o'clock in the morning startled you, but the last person you'd expected to see was Ghost.

"Ghost?" You mumbled, confused as you rubbed your eyes and looked up at him.

His shoulders were rising and falling rapidly, his balaclava had been turned up to his nose, and you could see the slight part in his lips as he tried to slow his breathing.

"Ghost, are you-"

He cut you off, placing his lips to yours so forcefully that a small yelp escaped and you stumbled backwards.

His hand rose to steady you, pulling your body against his as he pushed you into the room, his heavy booted foot kicking the door closed.

It was a shock, but who were you to deny him? Not when you'd spent months dreaming of this exact moment.

You melted into the kiss, hands smoothing over his arms as they made their away around his neck, pulling him closer.

Ghost let out a whimper, the feeling of you accepting him like this almost too overwhelming for his emotions.

Stooping down, he plucked you off the ground, hands firmly on your ass as your legs wrapped around his waist.

He dropped onto the bed, making you sit in his lap, his tongue dipping in and out of your mouth, drawing a soft moan from you, one that turned his brain to mush.

He pulled away, hooded eyes looking into yours.

"Y/N..." He whispered.

"Hmm?" You answered, leaning into him as his hands ran along your thighs.

"Take it off."

You knew what he meant, so with shaking hands, you pulled the mask off, tossing it across the room.

Ghost's eyes stayed on you, watching your every move, glistening as that smile he loved so much spread across your cheeks. It made his own lopsided one grow, and the look he gave you was one of a man drunk in love.

Your hands moved over him, cupping his face as you pressed your forehead to his.

"Hi, baby..." He whispered, pushing his nose against yours.

"Hi, Ghost-"

"Simon." He growled, pulling you closer, "My name's Simon."

You smiled again, and he swore he could feel his heart leap from his chest as you spoke, "Hi Simon."

I'm coiled up like the venemous serpent, tangled in your trance and I'm certain you have got your hooks in me

You'd skipped to training the following morning, a spring in your step like no other as you made a beeline for Ghost.

But the second he saw you coming, he walked away, disappearing for the rest of the day.

That cycle continued for almost two weeks, the only time he addressed you, his words were laced with venom. And every sting you felt made your heart break a little more.

You'd resigned yourself to the fact it had meant nothing to him, so the hurt turned to anger. And when you'd left training that night, you made sure he was on the receiving end of a scowl as you barged past him to leave.

Ghost scoffed at your actions in an effort to hide the hurt he felt, "Bloody hell, what's up with her?"

"Ye know damned well what's up with 'er, Lt." Soap had grumbled, pushing past him after watching you scurry from the room.

You'd told Soap everything one night, when he'd been sneaking his way to the kitchen for a late night snack and found you crying in the break room.

It felt like you'd been used, cast aside, and despite Soap doing everything he could to explain to you that wasn't the case and it was just Ghost trying to handle his emotions, you were having none of it.

"Do I?" Ghost replied, following him into the changing rooms.

"Yeah, y'do. Never known anyone self-sabotage the way you do, Simon. It's about time you pack it in and accept the fact that the poor lass likes ye. God knows why..."

Ghost had been stunned to silence.

Self sabotage?

"Johnny, I don't-"

"Oh don't bullshit me, Ghost." Soap interrupted him, "You slept with her, she told me. And then you've ignored her existence since, despite the fact it's made your life and ours fuckin' miserable."

That was true.

He hadn't just been biting at you, he'd been bearing his venom-filled fangs to the entire task force, the guilt from what he'd been doing to you completely eating him from the inside.

"It's about time you realised that you like her too."

As much as he hated to admit it, Soap was right. No matter how much Ghost coiled himself up, trying to protect his heart the way a snake in the wild protects it's nest, you called to him.

You had hooked yourself deep within.

I know, I know I am what I am the mouth of the wolf, the eyes of a lamb, so darling will you saturate?

You almost slammed the door in his face when he'd once again turned up outside of your bedroom, begging for forgiveness, yet he'd managed to worm his way in, closing it softly behind him.

"I have nothing to say to you, Ghost...I mean, who even does that? What the fuck is wrong with you?"

The lump in his throat made it hard to answer.

And the fury burning in your eyes made him hot under your gaze.

"You used me." You continued, pacing the room as he stood there, "Fucked me and fucked me off like I mean nothing to you-"

He cut you off, his voice raising, "You mean everything to me!"

"Everything?" You laughed cynically, "If I meant everything to you, you wouldn't have pushed me away."

You spat your words with venom, each of them poisoning his blood with self-hatred.

"I pushed you away because I'm no good for you!" He yelled. "I know what I am, I'm a monster, I'm cruel and heartless and mean. You don't deserve that. You deserve better than someone like me."

You faltered, your eyes becoming wide and doe-like, "What?"

Ghost pulled off his mask, running a tired hand over his face.

You'd seen all there was to see, no use in hiding.

"You deserve better than me."

After a moment's silence, you broke it with a whisper, "That's not true."

Wasn't it?

All his life, he'd been told he was a monster.

He knew what he was. He knew he had the kind of eyes that sucked you in, made you feel safe enough to spill all of your deepest and darkest secrets. And then he'd reveal his mouth, teeth nashing and biting at you, using your words against you.

But he didn't want to be, and only you made him feel like he wasn't.

"It is. But you make me feel like it isn't, and that scares me."

Your shoulders relaxed, a lone tear sliding down your cheek, but you made no effort to wipe it away as you approached him and took his face in your hands.

"You are so much more than that, Simon Riley. You deserve to feel that peace."

He could barely look at you, his own tears starting to fall, but withe feather-light kisses, you wiped them away, until your lips found his.

Arms swooped around you, scooping you up and pulling you in, deepening the kiss.

With you, his heart felt full, saturated.

You were all he needed, and he understood that now.

Nobody can say for certain, if maybe it's all just a game, when I open my eyes to the future, I can hear you say my name

As he lay next to you, sheets covering your naked frame so elegantly, the light of the moon illuminating you, Ghost saw his future.

He could hear your laugh, your cries, the way you said his name when you greeted as he returned from missions - he could hear it all.

And the lieutenant smiled, because with you, his future seemed bright.

He shuffled closer, marvelling as goosebumps followed the trail his fingertips made on your skin.

You were his future, his light in the darkness, his rain to calm the storm of his mind.

"So rain down on me." He whispered, before pressing his lips to your forehead and pulling you close.

Rain down on me.

[michaelmilligan]

Imagine you are made to love only your Creator. It's not that hard, since there aren't many beings in the universe yet.

But then there are more like you. Your siblings, your Creator says. He now calls Himself your Father.

You're confused for a time. But then you decide to love your siblings. Because aren't they a part of your Father, much like you are?

Then you get to know them, and you marvel every day. They're like you in essence, but also so so different.

Your Father creates places, and more beings. So many beings. Some of them, He singles out, and tells you to love.

You don't quite understand those beings, them being so different from you. But they're your Father's creation. Surely you must love them the same as your siblings.

But then your brother says he hates these new beings. He can't stand to love them. He thinks your Father is wrong in asking this of you.

Your Father says that your brother is evil, and needs to be punished.

You love your brother. But if he goes against your Father's word, surely you're not allowed to love him?

You strike your brother down, and lock him away. You still love him.

You're ashamed of that love.

Maybe a part of you wonders if this is just. If this is right. But doubt leads to evil, leads to not being loved by your Father. You can't bear the thought.

After your brother is locked away, your other siblings start acting strange. Some seem resentful. Another brother runs away.

You cannot fathom anyone leaving behind your Father's love. That brother must be coerupted, too.

You miss that brother.

You only really interact with your closest remaining sibling. They become more resentful with each passing day.

You decide you've had enough. Your Father has been gone such a long time. Surely, if you enact His final plan, He will return.

Your sibling helps you. You suspect it's not to bring your Father back.

The plan doesn't work. The humans are meddlesome, and they won't comply. More angels betray your Father's love.

You end up in your brother's prison, along with him and two humans. You have failed.

The human you manipulated into being here, into enacting the plan that might cost half his species' lives, tries to console you. He speaks to you like a person. As if you, like he, have free will.

You don't, you think for a long time. But this human makes you realize that you've not been the perfect son, after all.

You don't love the humans as your Father commanded.

But you do love this one. It creeps up on you. It's confusing. Different from how you love your siblings, or even your Father.

But once you have figured it out, and have had time to think about it, you decide it's right.

Not because of your Father's command. But because this human deserves it.

You want to give him everthing. You can give him nothing, because you are both sealed away with only the devil for company.

When you get out, the world is at your wingtips. But you soon learn that your Father is back - and He wants to end this world, along with everyone in it.

Along with your human. Your Adam.

You help His enemies.

You have a few more days or weeks. It feels like seconds. It's not enough.

You expect to die alongside your love. Instead, your Father only takes him. Only Adam dies. You're still here.

Your Father is cruel.

But he's the only one in this world who still loves you. He tells you so.

He must be right. Because there is no one else left who you love, either.

In the end, you're not sure if it was hope that drove you, or if you were just hoping for a quicker demise.

It's not especially quick, though. It's not instantaneous. It's painful.

Your Father rips you apart, and you know he doesn't love you.

He never has.

[bellyprincess]

He initially said no because you should be prepping for bedrest for this upcoming week, but he couldn't deny his princess. So here you are, finding clothes for your decuplet belly. The ten massive babies weren't the only thing making finding clothes difficult.

Your thick nipples poked through every top. A bra might help, but they irrated your leaky breasts. And you haven't been able to find your cup size in weeks.

"How does this one look?" You ask, turnizng to the side to show off your thighs and how far you belly sticks out from you. The dress clung to your body, showing off every inch of your (expanded) curves. Your popped navel was perfectly highlighted by the tightness of the dress. Your breasts were ready to burst out, a canyon of cleavage spilling out the top.

You get no answer, instead your baby daddy gets up and slowly pushes you back into the changing room. It's a tight fit, but he closes the door.

"You looked pretty in the dress" he starts. Effortlessly, he undoes the dress but it doesn't move. He peels it off and plays with your plump navel. "But you look so much better with nothing on."

He takes right there in the changing room. You can feel him pump babies 11 and 12 into you. He said he didn't want to buy you any clothes today so maybe he'll make you outgrow everthing in the store.

That's what daddy gets for trying to tell me no in the beginning~ princess always gets her way. 🤭 Maybe next pregnancy, he'll believe me when I tell him that I want my belly so big I can't move no matter the cost.

Daddy can't pretend that he doesn't love the way my fat tits and belly button poke out of my clothes like they're trying to escape the fabric. So I think I deserve at least one new shirt, maybe even a dress if we can find one to fit my mountain of a belly~! And when I make Daddy take me out shopping tomorrow, he can pump 13 and 14 into me. 💚

[novanatur]

watched new hunger games movie

I have watched the ballad of songbirds and snakes last friday. I know that I am writing it late but it was a different experience for me since it is the first movie that ı watched in abroad. So I need seperate my thoughts from my experience here is the list of what I think about the movie:

First of all the movie left me with curiosity because we dont know what happened to Tigris between. We have seen her change future to past with all movies but what did Snow did to her is still a question unanswered. Moreover, Tigris seeing the change in his little cousin is a different hit for me because we can see her relation becomes colder and more careful towards him while snow becoming more evil.

Snow losing all his emotional parts like his friendship, love or ethical understanding that he have is another point. We see that Snow just sacrified everthing for one goal which is becoming the president. He just wanted be like his father or his idol which is given to him by his grandma in the start of the movie.

Sejanus being a scapegoat was interesting to watch. He was blamed by Sonw all the movie because he was trying to fix the things his parents done. However, him being this good and accepitng everyone as a good person is made his personality a little bit weak for me.

The relation between Lucy Gray and Snow was nothing but a mutual profit at the first time. Because they both knew that they need each other for survival in some point. However, after a certain turn we notice that Snow is not seeing Lucy Gray as a human more like a belonging to him. So their relation changes for Gray he is someone she needs to run away because she has a free soul but for Snow, she is a belonging that he lost and need to capture back. So we can think that Snow sees her as the prize that needs to be given to him after the game. This is what he deserved.

[askjeffsolderbrother]

Jeff, quit using your delusional brother as your personal servant and get your own McDonalds. You have legs, and I still have a dagger.

~Arsenic Anon

*jeff, eating fries:* but I can’t drive, I didn’t get a license because my deluded girlfriend and my dumbass brother do everthing for me and have licenses, so I can just make them get me-

HES JOKING IM NOT DELUSIONAL AND HE HAD A BAD EXPERIENCE AND DESERVED COMPENSATION HES PERFECT IN EVERY WAY AND I LOVE HIM DONT YOU DARE INSULT HIM IM NOT HIS SERVANT IM HIS BROTHER -

*lius still yelling and Jeff mouths the words:* he’s my servant and I like it, there’s nothing you can really do about it. Sorry lol.

*takes deep breaths* I’m sorry, I just hate it when people insult my brother… also who sold a dagger to someone with Arsenic in their name?? I’m so confused.

why didn’t I get McDonalds? I’m seven.

because I don’t love you that’s why.

I’m basically your child.

nobody gives a shit Sully shut up.

*sniff sniff* never shoulda stopped worshiping Zalgo, AT LEAST HE CARED!!!

[am3ricanj3sus]

5/3

no song of the day today. i didnt feel to connected to any songs today and it didnt feel right to put one. anywyas though. im wirting on my laptop today. it feels weird. i feel weird. maybe its just how life has been going. a issue that ive been having most of my life pop up again and im tired of dealing with it.

basically i was life long friends with this girl and yk we had our ups and downs (a whole lotta downs) but we alwyas got on with it. well she got on with it. she would randomly get mad at everthing, blame me for it in someway and i became the problem. it happened mutiple times and i grew sick of it but i really didnt care. maybe i sound cocky but ik that at the end she would come back. she always did.

but like 8 months ago. she started seeing this guy. and it escalated quick. she like asked us his name and who he was then a week later she tells us "oh my boyfriend dropped me off after we got food" so ofc we're like boyfriend? okay... and we didnt bring it up. the thing is, our friend group didnt like the guy she started seeing. he was rude to our friends and has done someover all shady stuff. so we just warned her and wow suprise she didnt listen and got with him. then she got all offended when we didnt comment on the fact her bf brought her home. so we gave her a small "yay bf!" but yk we told her we dont like him so we really didnt want to talk about him. and thats what fucking set a wire off in her dumbass brain. she was going on about how we never support her, which was the craziest lie ever because we all supported her and her other crazy ass ex bf and all the dumb stuff she does. and we were like "hey we can be friends still, we just really dont want to talk about him" and like the whole time she was texting this guys and she was telling him "omg theyre ruining my mental health"

and i think i may have pushed a little over board but i was sick of her asking like some entitled bitch that needs her friends to agree with her all the time. so i kind of just brought up everything shes ever done to me :) like the time i too her to disneyland and she literally complained in the car, ON TWITTER, about how she had to go back and we were forcing her. and its like, girl. my mother payed for you to be here. do NOT play. and i understand her frustration to a point becuase we were at the park that morning from like 9 to 1 but we had like a 6 hour break at the hotel and didnt go back till 7. and we couldnt just leave her there becuase her mom didnt want her to be alone in the room so its like... girl you have to come. so were in the car on the way back to the park and shes like spaming her twitter "theyre forcing me to go back! im crying. i dont want to be here" SHUT THE FUCK UP YOU UNGREATFUL LITTLE BITCH. like girl... girl...BITCH. i couldnt even.

then i brought up the fact that she let her ex bf like disrespect tf outta me. like he burped in my face, didnt say sorry, disrespected my family and callled me a bitch unprovoced. like she just let these things happen then got mad when i defended myself. talking about some "you had no right to say that to him" girl he had no right to act that way towards me but okay,

then i just brought up how much she just disregards me. like im nothing. and i truly felt like that the entire time i was friends with her. an that was most of my life.

she didnt respond to that message. she simply left the group chat then blocked me. couldnt take the fucking heat ig.

and i dont care what happens to her. she could burn in the deepest pit of hell. and maybe ill go to hell for saying that. but i mean it. ive never wanted someone to suffer more.

and that leads me to this topic. she has no friends now. and im glad. she doesnt deserve anything or anybody. no one deserves to be put through what i went though with her. theres so much more that happened with her that i dont even want to relive. but shes like searching for attention now. she texted a mutual friend of ours recently and i told him, dont text her back. and he fucking texts her anyway. now im not trying to dictate who he can and cant be friends with but she did him dirty too so i dont know why he even wanted to talk to her.

and thats anothet thing that pisses me off. people feel bad for her. like what the hell. even people that were with me the night of the argument. they feel bad that she has no friends. and i get having sympahty for her but what the hell. you were there, you know what she did so why on gods green earth do you feel that for her? it just sets this rage in me on fire and i want everyone to disappear.

i genuinley cant. like omg. it just makes me so angery and people dont get why im so mad about her. she just fucked over 12 years of friendship over some guy she only dated for 6 months.

but to make myself happy. i realized im over my crush on my friend. i think it was just a spur of the moment thing really. he has a gf now so its whatever really. ill miss that time of my life.

i didnt see mr c today im so sad. i even walked around a little during his prep and i didnt even see him walking around with his teacher besties. its okay though. i guess ill get over it :(

i did see my coco pookie though and i dont know what it is but its like im not looking for him as much anymore. i mean he wasnt here the other day and i missed him but when he has been here i dont even watch him that much. its just. i dont know. maybe i just want him to be around since he was my crush this.

another day. another slay. i love yapping. this was the first time i gen got out most of my emotions about that bitch and it have this weird relief. like my chest feels light in a way. maybe writting should be a daily thing for me. love love love. muah ha ha

[brummiereader]

@peakyswritings thank you for your reblog, hun ❤️🥰!

👌best place to start. He deserves it for being so cruel 😌.

Maybe that's why he's been talking to the horse statue, he's been going stark raving mad with all the wedding preparations for a wedding that's not his 😂. I do love to torment the poor man 😈.

He's been pampered from the day he was born. Time he learnt what it means to actually work for a living!

You're absolutely right! She's lost herself to everthing. Tommy brought back that spirit in her, then crushed it into smithereens.

He really fucked up. And I think she got angry at him, how quickly he wanted to move past it. He got impatient, and was desperate to fix things as quick as possible. But she's as stubborn as a mule, and to a degree, where I think she's trying to prove a point to him by agreeing to marry Cal 🤦🏼‍♀️.

Ahhh you used a GIF of Grannie!!! She appeared in my trailer, and has always appeared in my head everytime I write her ❤️.

All will be revealed in the next chapter! What is that bastard hiding 🧐.

Believe it or not, Merideth apparently used to be a boys name at some point. But John didn't agree, neither did the whole church 😂! I couldn't help but embarrass him in front of everyone 😌.

I have nothing to say about the ending...

Aw thank you, hun 🥰! Can't wait to share the last part with you all. Don't think it'll happen this week though, I've been dealing with a nasty cold 😭. Thanks for the love, Reb ❤️!

MASTERLIST PREVIOUS PART

Uptown Girl (Part Eight)

Summary: After your Grandmothers intervention, Tommy learns the horrible mistake he's made. Will he be able to get to you in time before you commit your life to the man who had used you as a punching bag throughout the entirety of your relationship?

Warnings: Language, angst, mutual pining.

Word Count: 4061

Authors Note: This chapter was supposed to be the final part of Uptown Girl, but it was starting to get too long with too many scenes. So I decided to split it into two. The final chapter will hopefully be posted next Friday!

"Fuck sake" Tommy grumbled under his breath with a frown of annoyance creased firmly between his brows as he stormed into his office past the preparations for your wedding.

Yes, that's right. Your wedding was to be held at Arrow House. The wedding of the woman who he believed had not only played him, but played with his scorned feelings, he'd carelessly let himself slip into a comfortable normality with.

The finer details for the grand event had been meticulously planned for weeks. And with both your denial and refusal to give any attention to the dreaded event, the arrangements and your fate were quietly arranged without your knowledge by the man who would claim you as his wife in a days' time on the grounds of your childhood home. And as the rightful owner of Arrow House, Tommy was now to host the wedding of the woman he had let himself fall in love with. Fuck.

Slumping into his leather chair with a grunt, his melancholy feelings for the thrilling moments you had spent in your shared home resurfaced as his eyes drifted to the bronze horse you had once fought over. The very same ornament that had cemented the beginnings of your passionate love affair.

"What?" he raised his head from the piling mountain of documents that had forgoed his attention to the sculptured figurine stoically stood judging him.

" Shit..." He leaned back into his chair as the gnawing feeling of guilt that had been eating away at him came out in a rumble of disgruntled huffs and heavy sighs of discontent for having treated you so cruelly the previous night.

His fingers itching to call you, to hear your witty comebacks playfully put a spring back into his famously brooding temperament, he looked longingly at the phone sitting beside him. One call away from hearing your voice, from settling the pining within him he felt having been away from you for the first time since his arrival.

Had he made a mistake? Shit, he didn't even give you a chance to explain, Tommy thought to himself as his fingers clutched around the receiver, lifting it to hear the operators voice echo through the line before abruptly slamming it back down as his hurt feelings rapidly shunned out any attempts to make contact with you.

Tommy Shelby was not to be taken for a fool. And yet here he was, foolishly in love with you.

" You got something to say, eh?" Tommy's furrowed brow returned to the ornament with a mumble at the beady-eyed sculpture, disapprovingly looking back at him.

Quick to silence its inaudible accusations, Tommy turned the weighty ornaments' critical stare away from him. Only to be faced with the unsightly alternative. It's ass. A clear portly reflection of what he himself felt like. A total, utter, ass. Fuck.

"Grannie...please!" Johnathan whimpered in pain as your elderly grandmother dragged him by the ear through the large doors or Arrow House after discovering the details of his devious scheming.

"Silence your sniveling, child" she scolded him, when her eyes turned in horror at the ghastly sight before her.

"Good heavens..." Grannie ignored your brother's continued pleas for mercy to be released from her painful grip tightening around his reddening ear as her eyes scanned the room at the bustling arrangements, and large decorated cake being rolled out on a silver trolley in front of her.

" Hm!" Her angry voice hiccuped with displeasure as her wooden cane of punishment came down onto the head of the figured groom atop of the intricately frosted cake. Further submerging him under layers of sponge until he met his sugary death, before marching off to Tommy's office with Johnathan whimpering in tow.

"Yes?" Tommy's creased brow rose to the sound of a knock at his door. If it was someone asking about wedding plans, they could fuck off, he released a breathy sigh, having had enough of hearing, let alone seeing the arrangements made for the grand day he'd keep himself far away from.

" Dowager" his frown softened into a smile upon seeing your Grannie meekly turn the corner.

" I do apologise for this sudden intrusion, Mr Shelby. But the stupidity of my grandson is something I must urgently address. And I will have you hear from him himself, the pain he has inflicted on his sister, and in turn you with his unforgivable actions" your grandmother spoke with a panging hurt pulling at her heart for the generational damage the male members of her kin had burdened the women of her family with.

" Hello" Johnathan peaked his head around the door with a one-handed greeting, apprehensive to face the gangster he had cheated out of hundreds of pounds.

" Make haste, you blithering idiot" your grandmother pushed her cane into his back towards Tommy stood hunched over his desk. Broad shoulders casting a gloomy shadow of fury around him.

" Johnathan" Tommy's jaw tightened as his fisted hands pressed into the mahogany wood, a stone throw away from wringing the neck of the mumbling man stood before him.

" I'm not quite sure how one goes about saying this..." Johnathan pondered nervously, trying to lessen his involvement before somebody took it upon themselves to remove his bollocks. If not by the gangster that ruled Camden, then the one that was thoroughly pissed off in front of him instead.

" In the simplest of terms, eh Johnathan? Since you find me foolish enough to have given you my money" Tommy scoffed at the nervous smile, flashing across your brother's face. His patience for high society's inability to talk straight, gone the moment he became part of their games.

" I...I have a problem, you see. A gambling one" your brother openly admitted. His unexpected confession, garnering Tommy's brooding temper as he fished for a cigarette to dull the mounting headache your family name and its members inflicted daily, if not hourly on him.

" Go on" Tommy ignited the rolled tobacco between his fingers, blowing a pummel of smoke to the ceiling as he waited on an explanation as to how you was a part of your brother's scheming. The only reason he was still entertaining the blubbering shell of a man stood across from him.

" Y/N my dear sister, has unfortunately taken the brunt of my problems" his head lowered as Tommy cleared his throat at the sound of your name and the fluttering beat caught in his chest.

" Always there to pick up the pieces but never the one to roll the dice, poor ol' girl" the weight of your brothers guilt for the way he had unfairly treated you suddenly pushed down onto his shoulders, burying his body into the floor.

" My sister had nothing to with the money I took from the sum you gave to pay off my debts, Mr Shelby. That was all my doing" he let the last of his confession slip through his sorrow for the events he had caused. For the miscommunication and hurt feelings he had cruelly inflicted between you both.

" My little sister loves me, of that I'm sure. But, she loves you far more. Don't doubt her word, Mr Shelby. She'd never do to you what I have done to her" his eyes cast down as a silence settled over the room, both Tommy and Johnathan stood quietly mulling over their feelings of guilt for the way they had treated the woman that had known nothing but a life of hardships at the hands of men.

" I have taken it upon myself to make sure he pays back every penny, every shilling of what is owed to you" Grannie stepped forward, breaking the silence between them as the last remnants of shame painfully pricked at both of the men's hearts.

" Shoveling coal " she announced his new profession as Johnathan gulped down the remaining minutes of freedom he had left before the many hours of hard labour commenced.

"Nose to the grindstone, isn't that so Mr Shelby?" she said as Tommy absently nodded his head, tired with the discussion of money as his preoccupied thoughts burdened him with a heavy feeling of worry that he wouldn't be able to salvage what was left of your relationship in time.

"23 Maple Cottage, Cheltenham. Before it's too late" Grannie gently urged his distracted mind to the phone sitting beside him before leaving him to settle the rushed mistakes he'd made.

Perching himself on the edge of your father's desk, Tommy released a stifled breath from his lungs as he pinched the throbbing pain sitting between his brows.

" Any ideas how I'm gonna get her back, eh? Tommy looked down at the four-legged statue, hoping the inanimate object that had become his counsel for the most troubling of matters would have the answer.

" Yeh, didn't think so" he huffed at the wordless reply as he stubbed his cigarette into the glass dish beside him. Fuck, fuck, fuck.

" Miss Y/L/N" Frances greeted you, surprised to see you stood on the porch of Arrow House as she opened the doors to greet you.

" I just need to retrieve a few things, then I'll be gone" you looked behind her, now suddenly feeling like an outsider as your searched the foyer for any signs of life.

" You're always welcome here, Miss" she sent you an inviting smile as her eyes glossed over with sorrow for the young woman she helped raise and the situation she now found herself in.

" I'm afraid that's no longer the case, Frances" your eyes dragged over the bricks of your childhood home you had been shunned from to your shuffling feet on the gritted ground beneath you.

" Is he here?" you nervously questioned, afraid at any moment you'd face the man responsible for breaking your heart. Responsible for the guilt weighing down your shoulders you had burdened yourself with on behalf of your brother.

" Head buried in paperwork. You'll go unnoticed. Come on, dear" she urged you forward with her hand out for you to take, foregoing the many questions that nagged her thoughts as to what had your and Tommy's growing relationship take a sudden blow.

As you made your way through the foyer of your childhood home, you apprehensively turned your head to your father's former office. Expecting Tommy to be stood there, ready to give you your marching orders with thundering steps and pointing fingers for a second time.

But with the gangster seemingly occupied with the many business matters he'd let lapse during the time you had spent together, you passed the preparations for your wedding unseen and unheard as you made a beeline for the top of the winding stairs that would safely separate you from the house's new owner.

Stood in your bedroom, you furiously pushed back your tears from your reddening cheeks as you struggled to close the small suitcase filled with memories of your life spent at Arrow House.

" Come on!" You shook the leather case on top of the antique cabinet, frustrated with the flimsy clasp that was doing little, if not anything, to help you stash your belongings and make a speedy departure. The whole flustered scene and rickety furniture that had blown your cover watched under the gaze of the very man who had thrown you out. " Bloody thing!"

" Y/N?" Tommy's gravelly voice echoed to you from the frame of the door he'd been stood against as the buckle effortlessly slipped into place. Typical.

" I...I'm just leaving" your mousy voice quietly spoke through a shudder of nerves as your cheeks blushed red at the unexpected sound of Tommy's voice feet from you.

" Don't" he swallowed back his own apprehension to face you, having cocked up the very start of your budding relationship in one rushed assumption and trail of hurtful words he now shamefully regretted.

Clutching your fingers tightly around your small satchel, you turned on your heel before you were met with his approaching footsteps rapidly closing in.

" Y/N, wait" his hand grasped hold of your bag as you swerved past him and away from what you assumed was an attempt to withhold your life's memories tightly packed in your suitcase.

" Please, there's nothing here of value. You've taken my home, let me keep these" your lids welled with tears as you pulled at the small satchel, eyes cast down and away from the man battling with you over items that held no importance to him.

" Y/N, would you just hear me out" Tommy struggled with you until finally letting go. Causing the contents to spill out onto the floor as you scrambled to retrieve them.

"Sweetheart, enough!" Tommy pleaded with your frantic state as he watched your shaky hands desperately try to salvage the small collection of trinkets. Had he done this to you? Given the final blow to an already broken woman, Tommy thought to himself, crouching down as he gently reached his hand out for yours. If only to briefly calm the panic within you" Hey..."

" What?! What Tommy?" You cried, snapping your head up as you pulled your hand away.

" You've taken everything from me! What more do you want?" Your anger for him came out in a strangled sob as you tried to grasp onto the last breath of air in your lungs. Chest heaving, body aching. You had succumbed to the many years of stress that had bored down on you.

" You" he replied, his chest squeezing tightly around his thumping heart as he searched the face of the girl that always had one last push in her to continue on.

" I...fuck..." he sighed, his words getting caught in his throat after the countless speeches he'd prepared, the countless times he'd tried to call your grandmother's house to no avail. Pumping himself up time and time again, only to be met with a ringing tone at the opposite end of the line.

" I was wrong, darling. Wrong about it all" his hands brushed up your arms, fingers curling around the thin fabric of your silky blouse. Wanting to pull you into his arms. Preying you'd let him and all would be forgotten.

" No..." You shook your head, brow creasing with anger for him having discovered the truth you couldn't convince him of the previous night.

" You don't get to do this, Tommy. You're too late" you said through the sobs caught in your chest, shrugging him off as you stood up to leave.

"Y/N!" He called after you, watching the end of your skirt flow out of sight as he scrambled onto his feet after you.

"Hey!" His voice echoed down the stairs as he rushed after you, clambering to save the little that was left of your feelings for him.

Turning to see his thundering steps racing after you, you stifled back the fury that had replaced the guilt you had let yourself feel as you juggled with the bag in your hand.

" You not gonna talk things out with me, eh? Come on, I'll pour you a whisky and we'll..." Tommy impatiently tried to mend the fracture separating you both as you let the weight of the flimsy suitcase in your hand fall onto the table beside you, battling with it once again.

" Like you gave me the courtesy of the other night, Tommy?" You seethed back, cutting him off as your eyes drifted to the small clock on the marble table out of place, fingers itching to put it back to its previous location.

" I have to go" you snapped your eyes away from the turning hands behind the glass, silently bringing an end to the day.

" Y/N" Tommy watched you turn to leave, before grabbing the ticking wooden box and placing it back in your preferred spot on the ivory-stoned table. A feeble, but undoubtedly desperate attempt to please you in any way or form before you shut the doors on him for good.

" Just five minutes, eh?" He jogged over to you, trying to reason with your stubbornness.

" No, Tommy!" You pulled his hands off you that had slipped around your waist in your frantic attempt to flee.

He had hurt you, broken your heart in the quickest and cruelest of manners when he expelled you from the house you had been born in.

Stubborn to the core, but no longer in the competitive nature that had filled your days since his arrival. The playfulness you had both enjoyed, now replaced with a hardened willfulness to protect yourself from him breaking what was left of your heart.

" I have to go. I have a big day tomorrow" you said through the forced smile of deceit etched on the corners of your mouth. Fake it until you make it, had now suddenly become your daily mantra to block out the dread you felt inside.

" Wha.." Tommy scoffed, his brow knitting together as he rested the weight of his body from one foot to the other. " You're gonna marry that bastard?" He's jaw tethered with tension, hand motioning to the door behind you and the risk you were ready to take.

" What choice do I have, Tommy?" You echoed the words you'd tell yourself before you fell headfirst for the unwanted guest you once resented. Holding out hope that the one consistency in your life would change for the better more than Tommy who had been so quick to abandoned you to his own paranoia.

"You have a choice. One right here, with me. Like we promised" he stepped forward, brushing a lone tear from your cheek.

" Until when though, Tommy? Until you next throw me out in the middle of the night? Cal's a sure thing" You turned your head away from the calloused pads of his fingers cradling the side of your face, from the breathy sigh of guilt slipping past his lips.

" Look after her" your gaze darted up to the high ceilings of your former home, tears trickling down your face as you parted with your last hope and the man you had fallen in love with.

" Y/N!" Tommy threw his hands up in the air as he watched you walk through the large wooden doors. Leaving with your bag in hand like a guest rather than the permanent figure in his home, the years of your life spent together replacing the dull walls of Arrow House he had hoped for.

Fuck, he couldn't let you get married. Wouldn't let you get married. And if he wasn't able to convince you of it himself, then he would with the catalyst that would not only bring a halt to the day, but take down the bastard that had been planning it.

With the hour of your vows rapidly drawing near, Tommy stormed to his office. Pulling the small black book of connections and information learnt from within the drawer of his wooden desk.

Picking up the receiver of the brass telephone sat beside him, Tommy's fingers scrolled down the many names he had collected intel on. Harold Sterling, Dicky Jones. The two pompous men he had spectacularly exposed at your engagement ball to the one name that ignited a furious rage within him. Cal Astor.

" Switchboard" the operator at the end of the call announced as the lines connected.

" Maryval convent, Perry Bar Birmingham. The Orphanage"

" I'm sorry" Johnathan eyes cast down as he turned to you, both stood outside the doors of the church as the sound of the choir announced your arrival through the angelic notes echoing against the cobbled stone.

" Enough" you faced him, straightening his limp tie back into place as his teary eyes watched his younger sister tend to everyone but herself on what was supposed to be the most important day of her life.

"Sissy..." He grabbed hold of your hand as you patted down the creases in his suit. Distracting yourself from the event about to unfold. " Tommy, did he not..." he began before you cut him off and settled the questions his mind had been nagging him with all morning.

" He did" you gave him the answer you knew plagued his thoughts, one you wanted to distance yourself from. " This is my choice, Johnathan" you adjusted the ivory veil over your shoulder as you threaded your arm into his. " Shall we?" You smiled through your apprehension as the heavy doors opened, and you stepped into the depraved future you knew awaited you.

Holding onto your brother's arm, you grasped at his tailored suit as the many guests turned to face you. The blinding light shining past the alter, casting colours of reds and blues through the stained glass, obscuring the curling smile of the man who you would call your husband in a moments time.

Slowly you paced along the tiled floor as your eyes searched among the smartly dressed gathering of people. Chest heaving as you realised the one person you wished to see, the one person that could stop you from taking the next step your stubborness refused to let you run from, was absent.

" Sweetpea" Cal took your hand, pulling you up to stand in unison with him as the sounds of your Grannies weeping, muffled though the hankie chief clutched tightly in her hand, echoed through the bricked room. Tears anybody would look endearingly upon, but ones that only held sorrow and hopelessness for the promise to your mother she was unable to uphold.

" We are gathered here today to celebrate the joining of hands..." The priest began as Cal's eyes roamed over your body, the dress he had picked out on your behalf pleasing him enough to let his mind wander to the night he would enjoy spent in private with you. A night where you would no longer be able to refuse your duty to him.

"Should anyone present know of any reason that this couple should not be joined in holy matrimony, speak now or forever hold your peace" the words of the gowned man bounced between the four corners of the small chapel, silent with no sounds of protest.

"Then let us begin" the priest smiled to you as he urged you and Cal to join hands, when the door creaked open and the unexpected sight of a smartly dressed man with two gentlemen accompanying him slipped through. Tommy. He was too late...too late.

Grasping his fingers around yours, Cal's jaw snapped with anger as he watched Tommy take a seat with his brothers in an empty pew. His irritation at the bold move, further igniting his fury when he caught the longing stare shared between you both as your eyes drifted towards Tommy at the far end of the church.

Digging his heavy signet ring into the fleshy palms of your hand, Cal pulled your attention away from the gangsters' presence to the ceremony taking place.

" Now, Tom?" Arthur quietly leaned into his brother as his long legs, itching to be free from the small seating area, struggled to stay still.

" Not yet, brother" Tommy's eyes drifted back to your glowing beauty and the glittering rays of light cast on your shimmering dress. Imagining himself stood there with you making the vows of love and dedication he wished he could have articulated to you the day before.

" Do you Cal Merideth Astor, take this woman to be your wife, to live together in holy matrimony, to love her, to honor her, to comfort her, and to keep her in sickness and in health, forsaking all others, for as long as you both shall live?" a snort of laughter from the third-youngest Shelby at the unusual middle name, abruptly delayed Cal's response.

" I do" Cal's eyes darted to the giggling gangster, and the smirk of satisfaction Tommy had for the embarrassing echoes of laughter filling the room.

" And do you Y/N Y/L/N, take this man to be your husband, to live together in matrimony, to love him, to honor him, to comfort him, and to keep him in sickness and in health, forsaking all others, for as long as you both shall live?" Tommy held his breath, as your eyes darted away from Cal's face to the pull of Tommy's pleading stare, begging you to choose him over the man that would beat you blue every waking hour for the rest of your life.

"I d..."

NEXT PART (FINAL) coming soon!

Tag list: @weaponizedvirtue @un-interneted (unable to tag) @mama-ivy @kmc1989 @leighla3

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[hadal-heart]

ok.ok

[alfredsolos]

BATKIDS FROM A STRANGERS PERSPECTIVE

Dick Grayson: From the eyes of a stranger, Dick Grayson looks troubled. He is of course very handsome, but that’s not what they focus on when they get a closer look. He doesn’t have eyebags per se, but dark lines that make him look angry. That’s why most people hesitate interacting first, but then call themselves an idiot for misjudging -obviously- a very kind man. Although it wouldn’t be far off saying he is a troubled man. It wouldn’t be shocking to say that once you get to know about his life. Maybe then they’d understand how unfair life has been to him. What he sacrificed, things he willingly let go just for the sake of people he never met. He covers his scars well. Both the physical and mental ones. Dick Grayson didn’t deserve to go through this much pain and loss, yet there is nothing to do. He will continue on this path of self-destruction, and one day will be consumed by it. But ‘till then, he’ll get up and continue fighting. Dick Grayson is hope but sometimes even he knows better not to wish for it. The death of his parents was not the start of it however. It was responsibility. Responsibility of Batman and Robin, of his siblings and friends, of the death of his loved ones. Them dying and coming back. Again and again. Until it becomes meaningless. How most people including himself coming back but not his parents. As if everthing was some kind of a sick joke. Dick Grayson feels as if fury and hatred are what he truly is. The happy is anger, so is the excitement and the sadness and the grief. And he can feel himself fade quicker by the second. He’s worried. He’s worried for himself and wishes that someone will see it before he’ll need to say it out loud.

Jason Todd: From the eyes of a stranger, Jason Todd looks peaceful. His eyes soft and skimming the pages of a book you can’t see the title of. Jason Todd looks as if he achieved everything he ever hoped of in life. Normally a man of his size and height would make people change sidewalks and lanes. But somehow he’s different. He looks like the most gentle person you’ve ever met. And it is true, that Jason Todd is gentle. But he’s also scarred. He’s disturbed, anxious, insecure and scared. Jason Todd is scared, scared of life. Of it being happy. He’ll look content but he knows something’s wrong with him. Inside of him there is a monster crawling and begging to get out. Jason Todd is scared of himself. He’ll never be content and enough and full. There will always be something he wanted to have but couldn’t. Time. Jason Todd lost his time a long ago. He’ll never get to be a kid again, he’ll never get to go to school and stress over the homework due the day after. It’s too late and soon he’ll be dead again. He’s getting old but Gotham is becoming crazier. One day he’ll slip and make a mistake and it’ll cost him his life. He won’t come back again. He’s not sure he wants to really. Jason Todd wants to go back to the bright lights of heaven and the tickling feeling of the clouds. He remembers Heaven. And every morning when he wakes up he desires it. Sometimes he closes his eyes and pretends that nothing is real and he’s just another soul looking down onto the mess that is life. Jason Todd doesn’t crave life because it’s chaos. Jason Todd craves death, because it’s the tranquility he barely got to feel.

Tim Drake: From a stranger’s perspective, Tim Drake looks tired. Which isn’t far off of the truth. Yes, he’s tired. But it wouldn’t be fair to generalise it like that. Tim Drake is tired of life, of loss, of work, of duty, of promises, of his family. Of himself. He knows this really, but he’ll never admit it out loud. Not when he’s not yet enough. Never enough. Tim Drake has his hair up to his shoulders that swish side to side from even a slight breeze. He has thin hair. The stress makes it thinner and it fall of in clumps. He always has a small frown on his lips, from not being content with anything. Nothing is perfect. And there’s no one better than Tim Drake to see the flaws. No answer is ever good enough. But no, not for him, but his world. His family. He’ll never rest until he finds the right answer. An answer worthy of his family. Tim Drake cares nothing more than his family. Not even himself. That’s the reason why he looks so tired. The world is filled with endless questions with multiple answers. Maybe that’s why he’s such a good detective. Tim Drake looks cold and calculative, with questionable beahaviour, but they don’t understand him. They never will. He’s obsessed with answers and he just can’t stop. Everything in life is a question born from an answer. That’s why it’s endless. His family worries that one day the answers will swallow him up and he’ll become but a shell of his former self. Tim Drake can’t understand. And it’s slowly becoming unbareable. Tim Drake is a self-detonating bomb and he doesn’t know which cable to cut. Red, Blue, Green? Yet another set of questions. 

Damian Wayne: From a stranger’s perspective, Damian Wayne looks bored. He looks bored of life, and the people around him. As if one day he’ll wake up and decide to leave. Damian Wayne’s supposed to be a child, he looks joyless. His eyes dead, yet there is this tick on the corner of his lips. You can’t see it from far but it’s there. A slight lift of lips, so ill matched with the rest of his face. Almost amused. It looks arrogant and inconsiderate. You can’t really make assumptions based on his physical self. Not even his family seem to fully understand him. Some think that he finally changed from his previous ways, some say he’s the same as he was but just learned how to act better. You wouldn’t know Damian Wayne even if you were his friend for years. Even if you were born next to him. The only one who knows the real him, is himself. Does he enjoy the murders, or is he repulsed by it? What does he really think of his family? Is every move he does is carefully calculated to get the result he wishes? Or he just doesn’t know how to socialize and is actually anxious? Questions, questions, questions. So many questions yet no answers. Maybe that’s why him and Tim Drake don’t get along. Who knows, really? Damian Wayne is fearless and that’s why he’s so bored. He was stabbed, burned, shot at, bruised, broken, and killed. And then there was Hell. Then another death. Then a third one. The fourth and fifth were barely days apart. First and Second was murder. Third was himself (and Hell). Fourth and Fifth were the ones he seeked for (they were statements). Every single one one them changed him so much that it was better to just smile and let them take. Little did they know, Damian Wayne had nothing left to give.            

[mattycashyx]

To much - Ben Chilwell

words: 1065

A few weeks ago Ben posted a picture of me and him kissing together on instagram, to show everyone that we were in a relationship.

At the beginning everyone was really nice, I was glad and relieved that his fans had excepted me but that didn't last long. It began all innocent by some of them saying that I was fat or wasn't pretty and that Ben could do better.

But more and more people begun saying those things under every thing i posted. The only thing under all my instagram posts where hate of his fans saying all these nasty things about me. At some point some of them even started sending dm's with deadthreaths, that they wished I was dead or never existed.

Ben warned me that not everyone was gone be nice to me and some of his fans would hate on me. But I never expected to be it this hard and I never thought that some one could be this mean.

Everthing i posted was something that they could hate on, then it was my face that I should wore more make up, or then it was my body that I wasn't skinny enough or I was not pretty enough for Ben. There was always something that wasn't good enough for them, if you get so much hate you start to believe it yourself.

How was I ever good enough for Ben, I wasn't some kind of model I was just a random girl from a little town nothing more. He deserves way better. So thats when I couldn't handle it anymore, they where right.

ꕥ

You were packing your suitcase you tried to pack as much as you could, but it was to much to take with you all at ones so you had to come back later.

You lived with Ben in his appartment, 2 years ago you moved in with him, you couldn't wait to move in with your boyfriend. Ben was the best thing that ever happened to you.

Ben was training right now so you could leave without any trouble. Ben had noticed that you were more distand lately but he thought that you were stressed out of work.

His training was over so he came back home only to find out that is girlfriend wasn't home, all here clothes were gone he was confussed but thats when he found a note on the kitchen counter.

Dear Ben,

You were the best boyfriend I ever had and I couldn't wish for anything better. It's not your fould but it's me, I can't handle the hate it's to much for me and you deserve way better. You deserve some one who can handle your fame and who isn't so insecure about them selfs. But i break up with you.

I love you and I am so sorry x Y/N

He was shocked and couldn't believe it you had left him and when realization hit him his heart broke into pieces. He loved you so much and he hated himself for not seeing that you were so hated by his fans.

Few days later

You went bake to his appertment to get your last stuff, you were standing infront his door. Suddenly you got very nervous to see Ben, you where scared that he was mad at you. But you had to get your stuff, so you knock on the door.

A few seconds later Ben opens the door. he doesn't look good, his eyes are red from crying earlier, it looks like he hasn't showerd since the day you'd left. He didn't say anything and waited for you to say something.

"I came to get my last stuff" you said and he nodded and let you in. you grapped your last things and wanted to walk out of the house but a soft voice stopped you.

"wait Y/N" Ben said you turned around and looked him in the eyes, his eyes full of sorrow and hurt. "why didn’t you just told me that you got so much hate" Ben said "I-I don’t know" you told him "I could have helped you" Ben said and you stay silent "please let me help you" Ben said and you started to cry softly, he took you in a hug and you felt save in his arms.

You cried in his arms and you stayed there for a while in completly silence until he began to speak up. "I’ve missed you so much Y/N please let me help you, I can’t live without you" he said "I’m just so afraid of what they are gonna say" you said still sobbing into his arms "it doesn’t matter what they say the only thing that matters is us, we will get through this together" Ben said "I missed you to and I’m so sorry for hurting you Ben" you said and he give you a kiss on your forehead.

"I love you and please promes me that you’ll never leave me again" Ben said looking deaply into your eyes "I promise" you said looking back in his eyes not much later you shared a passionate kiss. "I love you too" you said.

The rest of the night you two watch a movie while cuddling in each others arms.

You two were wathing a movie while cuddling in each others arms, you had fallen asleep in Ben's arms. Ben was still upset about the fact that his fans were so mean to his girlfriend so he decided to post a picture and say something about it.

Liked by masonmount and 385.638 others

benchilwell I’m in love with this girl and I can’t understand why you would hate her. She’s literally the best thing that happened to me and it hurts me, that my fans have hatted on her so much that she doubted our relationship and her self. She’s a strong and beautiful woman and I’m glad that I can call her my girlfriend<3 @y/nusername

@y/nusername: Ahw this made me cry🥺 I love you so much benji❤️

❀❀❀❀

I didn’t know if it should be a happy or a sad ending but it turned out to be a happy ending. What do you think? I don’t really know how I feel about this. Please let me know if there are any mistakes!

Thank you for reading<3

[beef-brisket]

Holy shit. Holy shit, It was finally happening. Adam had no idea he could just ask the prick- but whatever, that doesn't matter now. He was finally going to get the dicking down he's been very patiently waiting for.

Lucifer: you're going to need to take your shirt of, Addy, unless you want me to get straight to the point-

Adam: Ha! "straight"- ain't nothing straight about this baby~.

Lucifer: You know what I mean, Adam. Don't be cunt.

Adam: ...excuse me?

Lucifer: what's up?

Adam: bitch- just- fuck the shirt- give it to me "straight"

Lucifer: exactly what I thought.

Adam frowned at Lucifers smug expression. Bastard. Whatever. As long as he got that delicious dick, he could call him whatever he wants.

Adam was pulled from his thoughts as his jeans were tugged off.

Lucifer: really? No underwear? All day, Adam?

Adam: I had no clean underwear- you brought one pair

Lucifer: ...okay, my bad. We'll go shopping later

Adam: ooh, daddies taking me out on the town~

Lucifer: don't call me that here, we'll get shot.

Adam: you'll get shot. I'm a god bitch, it'll bounce off me

Lucifer: you WERE a god. Now you're nothing more than a baby wearing a trenchcoat

Adam: ...you've hurt my feelings, just- fucking dick me down will you- I don't need prep-

Lucifer: why are you wet down there?

Adam: I... really? I said I'm part lust demon, everything about me was made for sex. Everthing~

Lucifer: huh... that must be uncomfortable

Asam: JUST- Lucifer, I've been an angel these last couple of days- I deserve a fucking dicking down- so please.

Lucifer: alright, alright. I'll give you want you crave~

Adam: thank you- ahh~

Lucifer forced himself in. Adam was right. He didn't need prep. It was like he molded himself around Lucifer.

Lucifer kept up a fast pace, hitting Adams prostate dead on every thrust.

Adam was so desperate that he couldn't form words, to Lucifers pleasure. He gripped onto bed, wrapping his legs around Lucifers waist.

Lucifer felt Adam tense as he came. But Lucifer didn't stop, he continued hitting his sweet spot over and over and over. Making Adam cum two more times. Lucifer was so close, he obviously wasn't as horny as Adam.

As Adam screamed and clenched as he came for a fourth time, Lucifer couldn't hold it any more, and finished deep inside Adam.

Adam: f-fuck, h-holy- shit-

Lucifer: shh

Lucifer collapsed on Adam, resting his head on his chest.

Adam: don't "shh" me- b-bitch

Lucifer: ...shh, let me rest...

Adam: ...fine.

Adam ran his fingers through Lucifers hair, keeping him secure with his legs. Adam didn't need as much rest as Lucifer, he actually feels so fucking energized. So he took the chance to look at the information board. There were news articles, photos, notes Lucifer has taken. All connected with a red string.

Adam: ...huh... wendigo... how fucking dangerous can a deranged dude be?

Lucifer: ...deer...

Adam: deer? What?

Lucifer: some... accounts... say they're giant, humanoid deers... other accounts... say their tall, skinny humans... with sunken eyes... no lips... just teeth...

Adam: hm... hot

Lucifer: ...shh

Adam: oh my fucking god- fine...

Adam smiled down at Lucifer, who was already asleep. He continued to run his fingers through his hair.

BOO

@fanofstuff01 BOO TO YOU TO BOOO

Happy spooky month! This is bullshit! I'm in pain and have a headache, so take this au, my beautiful online friends!

Dentist!Adam au.

He's a menace. He's not even a real dentist. He just walked into a random dental office and put on a uniform.

I feel sorry for whoever his patients are because fuck numbing- he just pulls out the fucking tooth. And it's usually the wrong tooth. So you have to go back.

He's the only dentist in this area, so good luck finding someone else.

You'll either get your teeth cleaned or he'll ride you- there's no in-between.

People honestly prefer having sex with him because he's actually really fucking hot. As you can guess, people really don't like it if he's in his working heads pace.

Penitent: I- uh- I'm here for 69ing-!

Adam: Sorry, babe, but that canine's gotta come out. Maybe next time~

He fucking eats the teeth. He's a fucked up tooth fairy. He doesn't make the rules.

Then Lucifer comes in. A monster hunter and collector of bones. Monster bones.

He hears about some creepy fuck taking people's teeth out, so he goes to see what's up.

He gets an appointment, but he doesn't let Adam touch him. He instantly knows what he is because he's got the sharpest fucking teeth.

Adam is instantly infatuated with this guy. He loves monster hunters. They taste great.

And Adam thinks this guy is going to be an easy kill because holy shit, this guy is so fucking small.

Lucifer doesn't reeeally want to kill Adam because even though he's creepy, he hasn't killed anyone. So, he finds the basement where Adam lives and ties him up.

Adam: ooh~, what are you going to do to me, Mr big, bad monster hunter~?

Lucifer: I'll going to take your head once I find a fucking person you've killed

Adam: take my head, huh? Oh, baby~, I'd rather take yours~. Allll night~.

Lucifer: ...

Did the real dentist fuck off or something lmao I'm loving this though.

Lucifer: Seriously?

Adam: Yeah, I see the outline from here big boy.~ I can take it.~

Lucifer: You eat people's teeth like potato chips.

Adam: Girls gotta eat babe.~

[fishy-xp]

all that’s been said and everything left unsaid

“not even my humanity.”

just because pete can see the speck of humanity buried deep within the all consuming evil of others doesn’t mean he wants to. pete hates his sense of empathy, one that runs so much deeper than any other emotion he’s able to experience. because even though pete knows not everthing is black and white, his mind craves the binary. the constant pushing that vegas is bad, vegas is evil and he cannot be changed, and that is what’s destroying pete - his confusion surrounding why he let’s vegas do things to him, why he doesn’t resist, why he didn’t say no. he doesn’t know how to feel about the fact that he gave into a man like vegas, someone so vile and abhorrent and why he derived pleasure from it. to pete, he simply cannot be human if he willingly had sex with vegas and enjoyed it despite everything prior. he most certainly cannot be human if his heart is yearning for the man who has betrayed the family he is loyal to, threatened his grandma and tortured him within an inch of his life. even though pete tells vegas that he can change for the better, can let the good part of him show if he had love, pete realises that the vegas now is the one pete is falling for. pete doesn’t want a better vegas, he wants the broken, spiteful man who stands in front of him now with a knife to his neck. what kind of human wants that? 

vegas hears pete confess that he isn’t human any longer and vegas knows the only thing that’s change is them. vegas did this. he took the only man who can see him behind the mask, the only man who’s ever shown him affection, care and comfort and vegas went ahead and stripped him bare, crushing the essence of his humanity that had been nothing but kind towards him. this is all his fault. he’s fucked up once again. the human in pete loved him but now that’s gone, everyone he’s loved has left him once again - “i’m sorry pete, can we please start over again?”

“right now i feel useless.” 

pete tried. pete tried so hard to get through to vegas. and for a brief moment he thought he did. he found vegas standing at the edge of his bed, willing to talk it out to him. but the next day vegas is being irresponsive and closed off again. pete tries to get him to talk and vegas flips a switch - “volatile”. pete sees them go back to square one and he can’t do all of this again. the first time almost killed him and there’s still fresh open wounds. he can’t help vegas. vegas is still, and always will be, that evil, violent man and there’s not a single damn thing pete can do about it. he’s useless. 

pete has given up on vegas. pete, the one person who could hold vegas’ hand and drag him back to life from the depths of hell, has let go of him. that taste of euphoria of being seen and chosen by pete was the tiniest sliver of something vegas has been searching for his whole life. in one instance, the whole world was set on fire and in a single breath, vegas put it out. that fire is not more. vegas can’t be saved. but he so desperately wants to be. he wants one person to not give up on him. 

“no, i’ve always been useless.” 

pete isn’t talking to vegas anymore. “no” - this isn’t about vegas. this isn’t about them. this is about pete and his life up to now. pete has never abided by his own philosophy, he only knows and sees tears. hell, he’s the one causing them too. no smiles, even his own aren’t real, each and every one of them hide unshed tears behind them. pete has never been able to mend the pain his father felt from never winning a match. pete isn’t able to fix vegas, to comfort him when his father hurts him because vegas won’t let him. but somehow, this is pete’s fault too. 

vegas sees himself in pete. pete is vegas’ mirror. vegas cannot kill pete because he would be killing himself. he would be acknowledging that he is a useless failure that doesn’t deserve to live. vegas wants to live. 

“i never exist.” 

from young, pete has been made to serve someone else. from his dad to the major family, pete has only ever been an object, a weapon and a means to an end. pete has never been alive. 

from young, vegas has done nothing but exist and has gotten punished for it. again and again, he’s reminded that his existence is secondary and he’s thrust just shy of the spotlight as the heir of the minor family - “minor means second”. 

“i can’t take myself anymore” 

everything is too much, too new and too overwhelming. pete’s only ever known to keep his head down and do as he’s told. but now he’s given into these dark urges that no one should have and he feels so disgusted by himself. he wants out of this body, this skin, that craves flesh. he wants to purge himself of everything. 

pete hates himself because he likes vegas. loving vegas is a carnal sin of the worst kind. vegas is that disgusting, that vile and that unlovable. no one should love vegas and if they do, then they are bound to die. 

“need me? for emotional projection, like a pet with no feelings? 

pete knows what love is. pete can control his love. it is his and it is precious. love and loyalty is earned. love is not bought, love is not a matter of proximity. no one is entitled to love based on circumstances. pete doesn’t love his dad simply because he is his dad. pete’s dad never did a single thing to be worthy of pete’s love and pete has come to terms with that. pete doesn’t need his father’s love. love is created through trust, loyalty and care. love is for pete to give out to people deserving because pete is human, he is not a pet.

vegas knows love is unconditional. vegas doesn’t know he’s wrong. people do not love unconditionally, dogs do. vegas is not entitled to love from his father just because they share the same blood. vegas doesn’t understand this. his father isn’t entitled to love from vegas either - “and you think i wanted to be your son?”. but love is inherent and intrinsic right? how can a father not love his own child? someone must love vegas. pete must love vegas. no. why won’t anyone love vegas? 

“then what the heck is this?!”

this isn’t love. this isn’t any way to treat someone you claim to love. pete is not a punching bag that vegas can take out his anger on everytime he loses his temper. just because i had sex with you doesn’t mean you can do anything you want vegas. pete deserves better than this. how dare vegas say that he needs pete and not like a pet but as a human when when he’s chained up and has no free will. 

this is love. vegas has to do this because if he doesn’t everything he loves will leave him. don’t they understand that the chains and the cage needs to be in place so vegas can love them. this is vegas trying to love but vegas doesn’t realise the cage is killing his hedgehog and the chains are suffocating pete. vegas doesn’t know any better. he’s also been in chains and cages his whole life. he’s bound by his duty to his family and to his father. he’s bound by the expectations of being the minor family heir, the amount of power he has but also the amount of power he doesn’t. he’s bound by the antagonistic frame the major family has trapped him in. don’t trust vegas. the minor family can’t be trusted. vegas has to play the monster they make him out to be. do you think vegas knows what freedom is? 

i’m human. i have feelings. 

please, please believe me.