#he can do the rasengan

[orcelito]

FINALLY SEEING IT IN PERSON

THE LEGENDARY MOMENT. THE JUTSU NARUTO HAS "SECRETLY PRACTICING MORE THAN THE RASENGAN"

THE REVERSE HAREM JUTSU...!!!!!!

The reactions are SO fucking funny. Especially Sakura's hfkshfmsbd

"There's no way that jutsu will work on someone so god-like!" "It worked?!"

The fact that Naruto's gag jutsu makes an appearance in the finale, but NOT ONLY THAT, he's been practicing the sexy men version of this jutsu in secret. Truly embodying who Naruto is as a person hfkshfks the #1 most unpredictable ninja to the end!!!!!!

[mayskalih]

I chose nations based on the techniques: Sakura can easily crush the ground, Naruto's rasengan is air, Sasuke masters fire and lightning, and Kakashi can do them all, so to keep the balance - he's a (very hot) waterbender.

[dark-konohagakure2]

Can you do incest of kushina and minato training their small daughter to handle seducing villains that she can’t defeat.

tw: incest, father/daughter, mother/daughter, dubcon, size difference, infantilization, minakushi, butt plugs, anal training, blowjobs, praise, manipulation

All characters depicted are 18+

Minato and Kushina are very protective parents, especially of their daughter. She's always has been a tiny little thing her entire life, even as an adult she's small and helpless, and yet she still wants to be a shinobi despite all of that. Neither of the parents are exactly eager to have their babygirl go off and do dangerous work while being so small and weak looking, and without any proper training too. She doesn't know how to use any of her mother's Uzumaki Clan techniques, nor can she use any of her father's jutsu, but her parents agree to let her pursue her career on one condition: she let's them teach her some negotiation techniques.

Kushina has a few special 'ninja tools' that they can use for the training session, of course her innocent daughter has no idea what any of these toys are, but Kushina is gentle in explaining it to her, letting her know that these tools will help her with her currently very low endurance, and that they can start with the smallest one. Before the youngest Uzumaki can even ask what her mother means by any of that, Kushina is already lubing up the smallest plug and gently forcing it against her daughter's untouched rim.

While watching her squirm and whine is adorable, neither of them want their darling daughter to be scared and confused, so they'll gently explain to her the apparent reason for this perverse training. She isn't like her older brother, she doesn't have a Tailed Beast or a Rasengan that she can rely on when faced with powerful enemies, not to mention she's short and frail, so she can't beat up her opponents, instead she'll have to use that cute body of her's to get her out of sticky situations.

Kushina will up the ante on the girl's training, eventually replacing the smaller plug's with somewhat bigger ones until her body is able to adjust to larger penetrations. The red haired woman will let her sweet daughter know just how proud her mommy and daddy are of her progress, and how if she keeps this up she might just be the strongest kunoichi in the entire Leaf Village in no time.

"Good girl! I knew you could do it! And since you're such a big girl now, why don't we let Daddy join in on this little training session of ours~?"

Minato is more than ready and willing to help his daughter with her endurance training, and he'd be lying if he said that seeing his beautiful wife and daughter together in such a way didn't turn him on immensely. Kushina has already got the anal training covered, so Minato decides to giver his daughter some help on the other end by using her mouth.

He's going to be gentle about it of course, Minato can't stand even the mere thought of causing his sweet daughter any harm, he'll be slow and soft as he pushes his leaking cockhead past her plump lips, letting her get accustomed to the size and taste before slowly forcing more and more inches down her throat until he hits bottom.

Kushina won't let her slack on her backdoor training either, helping her adjust to the sensations or having two out of her three holes filled up courtesy of her parents. Maybe one day they'll help stretch out that sweet little cunt of hers, but for now her task is to take Daddy's cock down her throat while Mommy improves her delicate hole's capacity.

Their teachings might be long and hard, but the Uzumaki parents will insist that it'll be worth it in the end when she's charming her way out of an impossible fight in the future. Minato will especially let his daughter know how good a job she's doing at taking his cock all the way in and how proud he is of her as a father, even as he's cumming down her throat.

"Th-That's our good girl... Your training is done for today... But if you really want some more advanced training then you can always come to me and Mommy's room if you'd like..."

It's bittersweet for the couple to see their little girl already so grown up so fast, she's become an adult already before their very eyes, but it's not all sad, now that she's a big girl, her parents are better able to show her how much they truly care about her education.

[awinterrosesstuff]

Do you think Sakura surpassed her teacher Tsunade? I personally think not, mainly because Tsunade is a descendant of the Senju-Uzumaki clan and has spent quite a bit of time training. We could only say this if Sakura had some of Minato Namikaze's talent.

Hi anon !

Thank you so much for the ask. I know there's a real debate on tumblr, quora and reddit (probably twitter too, but I don't go there). Did Sakura surpass Tsunade ? It's a difficult question.

I can say for sure Naruto surpassed Jiraiya by achieving perfect sage and adding his chakra nature to the rasengan. And later, Naruto became something else when he mastered Kurama's chakra and befriended him. It's more difficult about Sasuke and Orochimaru since they don't have the same style, techniques and specializations. But it's safe to assume Sasuke became more powerful than his "master" by getting the eternal mangekyou sharingan. By the end of the manga, they at least equalled Madara and Hashirama.

But Sakura ? Kishimoto built expactations by having Kakashi & Chiyo implied she would surpass Tsunade. But... when is she supposed to do that ? When she gets the byakugo seal ? What did she do Tsunade couldn't ? Summoning Katsuyu and healing at distance ? Tsunade did. Transfering the chakra of her seal ? That's exactly what Tsunade did in the Pain arc. But if you look the other way around, what happens ?

Tsunade was able to break the susano'o twice and hitted Madara. You can't quote something similar about Sakura. She didn't even touch Madara or fight Obito. She doesn't have a feat that can compare to Tsunade's skill. Also Tsunade was cut in half and still managed to maintain the other kages alive. I'm going to state something obvious. But in this fight between the kage and Madara, Tsunade was neccessary for healing AND fighting. After Naruto got a powerup from Rikudo, was Sakura necessary to the team anymore ? Naruto was healing himself, and doing things Sakura couldn't even dream of with her ninjutsu medical.

Even in the war arc, Tsunade is more powerful and narratively more important & useful.

And the worst of it ? Being the grandchild of Hashirama has nothing to do with Tsunade's achievements. It's obvious from her fight with Madara. She didn't get his mokuton, his natural healing abilities, his sage mode or his stanima/durability. Tsunade created everything from scratch. I don't really know why her heritage is always mentionned when talking about her feats or her capabilities. Madara direspected her and called her weak for this very reason. He admitted he was wrong when she proved herself to be strong and powerful throught the technique she created. That's why she's a fucking baddass in my opinion.

[sourinartt]

I can always be corrected, but at least in Og naruto, there is no adult who truly cares about naruto except for Iruka

although, despite Iruka having terrible thoughts or discomfort, he continued to be with naruto, even inviting him to eat to pass the time because naruto didn't have anyone at home to wait for him

through mizuki and those women we see that the villagers really don't like him, mizuki even uses him for his plans causing people to hate him more for his "theft"

after those scenes my favorite scene happens; the first person to protect naruto in fact, iruka, is the only adult who apologizes to naruto for thinking in a terrible way about him

hiruzen can talk about how much people hate naruto but does nothing to change things, even though he has the power to make people change their thoughts. We also see that he doesn't care if naruto eats and drinks well, sleeps in a set place, etc.

All this despite the fact that kushina, naruto's mother, has asked him to take care of her son, it would be a favor for everything minato gave her the village, but hiruzen really isn't interested in this at all.

then there is kakashi who knows how naruto lives, he knows that he doesn't eat well, that people hate him, he even talks about it to Inari to calm he sadness

which is funny that he knows and doesn't do anything, isn't naruto his sensei's son? well, he doesn't really care because he's focused on following sasuke and leaving Naruto with a sensei who hates him

he loves naruto so much that he chooses not to train him (despite being his sensei) to continue with sasuke and leaves him with a man who despises him.

could we talk about how he also abandoned sakura? In another post.

and we conclude with Jiraiya, this guy refused to train naruto, despite almost killing the sensei

chooses to train him after naruto sexualizes himself, turning into a young, naked girl. *disgusted*

We later learn that Jiraiya becomes an important person for naruto, but this doesn't mean that Jiraiya was always trying to make naruto become a pervert like him, Looking for him to read his sex books. he didn't even train him well beyond his rasengan...🤦🏻‍♀️

[socra-time]

Socra’s Naruto Liveblog, Ep. 111-120:

Also known as “Socra grows progressively distressed as everyone gets the shit beaten out of them”

Ep 111:

-noooo Sasuke don’t take the unknown drugs these cult-y strangers are offering you-

-I liked that Orochimaru’s theme came in when Sasuke took the pill

-so like if the squad didn’t happen to include Kiba and Akamaru, how would they have tracked Sasuke? I guess Neji can track to a certain extent, but his tracking is more limited by range… in conclusion Akamaru is the squad MVP

-Shikamaru hanging onto Choji’s scarf for balance when he stopped Naruto from triggering the tripwire was funny

-I can’t believe Orochimaru’s goons are just lugging Sasuke around in a barrel

-I don’t believe Shikamaru would let himself get thwarted so easily so I feel like getting caught was part of his plan somehow?

Ep 112:

-so I get that Kiba’s attack doesn’t break the dome’s wall and shows that the dome regenerates, but couldn’t Naruto just try smacking it with a rasengan (aka the single strongest jutsu any of them have)? I feel like that could do some insane damage at least

-this is so random but istg if anything happens to Akamaru on this mission I’m gonna riot

-oh now Naruto doesn’t have enough energy for the rasengan. Almost like he should’ve tried it earlier…

-honestly these last couple episodes have made me like Choji a lot more. He’s chill, even though I think his human boulder attack looks stupid

-also I like Shikamaru and Choji’s relationship a lot

-Shikamaru and Neji are really holding all the braincells in this group lol

Ep 113:

-Naruto and Kiba highkey share a braincell (aka they’re both dumbasses)

-a lot of this fight animation is really wonky so far. I’m guessing they’re saving the better quality stuff for the more important fights

-oh shit Choji’s getting serious

-I actually quite like Choji’s dub voice when he’s speaking more softly

-Choji really pulled a Popeye by taking a spinach pill and getting stronger

-I’m sorry Choji I was unfamiliar with your game

-lmao I spotted an animation error where Kiba’s face markings disappeared for one scene

-as much as Choji has grown on me recently I will never think his ball attack looks good

-aw Shikamaru is a good friend

Ep 114:

-bruh why does this episode title make it seem like Choji’s gonna die

-Jirobo is so mean for no reason. Like yeah I know you’re gonna kill the kid but you don’t have to be such an ASSHOLE about it

-man between Choji, Sakura, and Naruto’s backstories, why do Konoha kids suck so much

-awwwwwww poor Choji he just wanted to be included :((((

-the scene of little Choji helping a butterfly caught in a web was such a good little character moment

-given how intertwined their clans are, I wouldn’t think that Shikamaru and Choji only met when they were like 5 (they don’t necessarily have to be close just because their dads and clans are, but you’d think they’d at least KNOW OF each other). I’d personally headcanon they were introduced basically as babies

-aw little Choji and Shikamaru are so cute, my hearttttt 😭

-skinny Choji is kinda uncanny-looking

-I love how defensive Choji is over Shikamaru and how seriously he takes someone insulting Shikamaru

-GOOD JOB CHOJI but also omg pls rest

-(also, assuming that Jirobo is dead, I’m pretty sure this makes Choji the first of the Konoha kids to kill someone onscreen)

-the voice acting of Choji’s pained gasping as he tries to follow the others and then as he starts crying and reads the messages the others left for him was so good, I literally almost cried

-god this arc has done wonders for Choji’s character and we stan

-NOOOO CHOJI (I know he doesn’t die obviously but still, goddamn)

-god the whole last part of that episode was really good. Honestly this episode in general is one of my favorites so far

Ep 115:

-whyyyy does spider guy (Spiderman, if you will) have six arms????? Like I still need to know what his and two-headed guy’s deal is

-the sticky spiderweb sounds are kinda uncomfy, it’s like gross ASMR

-ayyyy Neji to the rescue!

-Neji acknowledging Naruto and saying “sometimes your eyes are even better than mine” was nice and a good subtle nod to how their fight in the chunin exams helped Neji

-anyways I still don’t know spider dude’s name so I’m just gonna refer to him as Spiderman

Ep 116:

-GET HIS ASS NEJI

-damn Spiderman copied Gaara’s sand shield defense

-idk why but it’s interesting to me that one of Neji’s biggest moves is a defensive one

-“what kind of a freak is this guy?” says the dude with six arms and metal-emitting sweat glands

-EW OMG THERE’S SO MANY SPIDERS

-yeah no if I were Neji I would have run away from this fight screaming

-I like how shook Spiderman is by Neji’s abilities. Compared to Choji’s fight, this fight holds far less emotional weight, but it does a good job of showing off Neji’s strength as a prodigy

-this is so stupid but the pose Neji fell over in reminded me of the Family Guy death pose 💀

-damn Neji’s hair slays

-oh Spiderman’s name is Kidomaru. I’m still gonna call him Spiderman tho.

-okay Spiderman’s second stage form is pretty cool

Ep 117:

-jesus Neji is going through it

-I wonder if the squad’s headbands getting knocked off is gonna be a recurring thing in these battles

-damn I gotta give it to Spiderman, he does have incredible aim

-oh my godddddd Neji got fucking impaled. Istg these fights are doing horrible things to my poor heart

-welp rip Spiderman

-it’s heartbreaking seeing Naruto and Kiba still think Choji is coming while Shikamaru knows he’s probably dead

-POP OFF NEJI

-hm this fight was nice and all but it definitely didn’t hit the same emotional beats Choji’s fight did

-literally every fight Neji’s in makes me sad tho because of what I know happens to him. Ahhhhhhhhh I hate it here.

-also I just thought about how Neji took a BEATING from Spiderman but somehow got taken out by one punch from Naruto in the chunin exams lmao

-this is a much less convincing fake-out death than Choji’s but also awww poor Neji I wanna give him a hug (actually I think I wanna give all of the squad a hug after this tbh)

-I bet people were losing their shit over these fights back when the show was airing on TV and the squad’s fates were left unresolved

Ep 118:

-I like the way Akamaru’s ears flap when Kiba runs

-I hate Tayuya’s weird headpiece thing

-jesus Orochimaru is going through it

-also I don’t think I’ve said this before but Orochimaru’s dub voice is great

-every time I see Kabuto I instinctively start feeling annoyed, even when he hasn’t even started talking. So yeah fuck Kabuto all my homies hate Kabuto

-hearing Kimimaro refer to Kabuto as “Kabuto-Sensei” was so weird

-wow Kimimaro has only had like a minute of screentime and he’s already contemplating his purpose in life

-OOH Orochimaru’s theme abruptly starting when he revealed his face to his new vessel was so good, it jumpscared me a little tbh

-I’m getting the feeling that Kabuto WANTS Orochimaru to use him as a vessel and I’m not sure why he’d want that. Idk maybe I’m reading into things too much

-Kiba doing his drill attack straight through Naruto’s shadow clone was cool. Hooray for teamwork lol

-also Shikamaru using shadow possession to make Tayuya get in Sakon’s way was clever, I hadn’t thought about that kind of application of his powers before

-my horrible confession is that half the time when I hear “Sakon” I immediately think “Sakon deez nuts”. I hate this for myself :/

Ep 119:

- Akamaru setting off bombs was unintentionally kinda hilarious (he looked so smug about it too)

-NOOOO DON’T YOU DARE HURT AKAMARU

-welp Kiba, Akamaru, and Sakon are dead I guess (I know they aren’t but how the fuck do they survive that giant fall)

-I know it was supposed to be badass but Kimimaro dropping down behind Naruto and Shikamaru was kinda funny to me

-I like Kimimaro’s hair beads and makeup. He’s creepy tho

-I kinda hate her design but I do have to give Tayuya props for being more of a loud/brash character. This show could use more rowdy girls

-oh shit Naruto’s looking pretty feral

-I love how Tayuya summons a bunch of giant demonic-looking dudes and Shikamaru is just nonchalantly like “oh well that’s not good.”

Ep 120:

-since Orochimaru’s goons are from the SOUND village, I wish more of them had sound motifs and powers. The only people with sound-based fighting styles are Tayuya and that girl from the chunin exams

-okay Sakon’s powers are really fucking disturbing

-aw Akamaru jumped in front of Kiba to protect him despite being tiny, he’s such a good boy<3

-ah hell yeah dog piss jutsu

-BIG DOGGO

-wow okay so Kiba and Akamaru just RIPPED A DUDE IN HALF

-dog piss jutsu strikes again. Ngl if a dog peed directly in my eyes I’d be pretty upset about it too

-STOP HURTING AKAMARU HE’S JUST A LIL GUY

-okay so I said that the twins’ powers were disturbing before but OH MY GOD THEY FUCKING TAKE OVER PEOPLE’S BODIES WHAT THE ACTUAL FUCKKKKKKKKKK (it reminds me of that one fungus that slowly takes over the bodies of insects, which I’ve always found super disturbing and scary)

-so yeah I know Kiba isn’t going to die, but if he did, that would be an absolutely horrifying way to go out

-Neji and Choji’s “deaths” both had flashback sequences, but they actually made sense and were (mostly) short enough to not distract from the moment. On the other hand, the flashback sequence of Kiba and Akamaru was sooooooooooooooooooo unnecessarily long and annoying. Like we really didn’t need to see the whole fucking Kiba vs Naruto fight again

-congrats to Kiba for somehow having the most hardcore moment in this whole arc so far. Like bro STABBED himself in the stomach and was like “time for you to die” while fucking GRINNING? Kind of iconic I fear

[phantomchick]

Naruto and being the Underdog

Okay so recently I was discussing naruto's characterisation in the comments section of a fanfic and the author was explaining that they don't like/never vibed with Naruto's character (which is totally fair). But then they explained how they felt the supposed underdog setup was contrived and didn't really work because Naruto never actually starts at zero thanks to his jinchuriki powers and being the yondaime's son. (And so here I am, on my soapbox to discuss how Naruto and the concept of being an underdog relate.)

On a physical level perhaps this applies, but Naruto places an equal (if not larger) amount of focus on the emotional action as it does on its plot action.

On an emotional level he has to work for each and every one of his personal relationships.

He wants to be hokage a role he can only take if he is both respected by his village and powerful enough to protect it. It''s a twofold goal. And in terms of the social aspect this is clearly stacked against him due to the hatred and exploitation of jinchuriki as well as shinobi in general, achieving emotional connection and dialogue between people who are used to might makes right or who are pre-disposed to look down on him or want to kill him puts him firmly at a disadvantage narratively.

With the notable exception of Hinata whose love is unconditional, whether it's Tsunade, Neji, Sasuke or Gaara or even Kurama the respect and attention that naruto craves are things he actively pursues in both good and bad ways and he earns them through his own effort.

He does this both by striving to understand these very different people and where they're coming from as well as surviving all the shit the world throws at him. Emotional and physical tasks.

In terms of being a jinchuriki and getting the rasengan easily thanks to his shadow clone bullshit / birthright connections to the yondaime It must first be acknowledged that the jinchuriki power is more of a disadvantage than a boon to him at first. First, because of kurama actively going out of his way to mess with his chakra control as a kid while doing the leaf exercise he was unable to learn the regular clone jutsu; it also results in him experiencing the trauma of discrimination and isolation from a young age which could easily have led to festering self-hatred and alienation if not for Iruka's intervention, it results in multiple S ranks who are fully capable of killing even shippuden level Naruto targetting him, and while the trade-off of boundless energy and survive-ability is immense those same boundless resources have the potential to burn him alive if he loses emotional control/gives into his most negative emotions - that's basically making the subtext text at that point, the story is about his emotional development and growth, something his "OP buffs" don't earn for him. Let's talk about boundless chakra resources for a moment. At the end of the original series, he only knows the rasengan; the rasenshuriken, the shadow clone justu and sage mode/yinyang mode by the end of the series and that's like 5 justu tops if we're counting yin/yang/bijuu mode and sage mode as jutsu. The majority of what he learned from jiraiya for three years seemed to be taijutsu only with a side of failed bijuu control. Naruto has his jinchuriki chakra from the start but that doesn't translate to an ability to use it, he has to spend hours working out how to do the shadow clone, he did not figure out how to do the jutsu because of his chakra even if that was the reason he was able to use it at all, and when it comes to the rasengan I will cite [someone who deleted their reddit account] here:

Naruto completed the first stage in three days and one night. He figured out how his chakra needed to move to burst the water balloon (thanks to a cat) but because he didn't have the necessary chakra control, he improvised by using another hand. He completed the second stage in three weeks or so. The next day(?), Jiraiya gave him a hint to improve his focus which allowed him to finally complete it. And the third stage was completed seven days later to win his bet with Tsunade. Once again, Naruto didn't have the control to focus his chakra the correct way despite his continuous efforts. It wasn't until he came up with another improvised method by using a shadow clone to focus the chakra that he was able to complete the final stage.

Meaning he is the one who comes up with unorthodox methods, such as also using his other hand, or using a shadow clone to focus the chakra, to learn it in four and a half weeks but he still had to figure out how to do it all himself. The shadow clone would've been useless without his understanding of the jutsu or his ability to do the individual parts of the jutsu. He earns the jutsu and could conceivably have learned it the old fashioned way were he not under an artificial time limit as both Jiraiya and Kakashi, both without jinchuriki power, know it and can use it.

Now I'll talk about his supposed privilege as the yondaime's child: Sasuke gets chidori and later kirin thanks to HIS connections but that's never remarked on in the same way. And in fact most people in the naruto-verse learn a big jutsu from their clan or parent; see Might Gai, the genius of hard work, learning the eight gates thanks to his father. The rasenshuriken is something he's only capable of learning thanks to his chakra and shadow clones I hear you quote Kakashi, but it's again, something he couldn't do without actually putting the work in to learn the jutsu. Naruto is on a time crunch because of Akatsuki, the fact he is capable of learning the jutsu once he has advice on wind chakra from Asuma and has practiced forming the rasengan and doing windblades enough means he didn't need the extra chakra to do it, having the chakra didn't automatically make him capable of the rasenshuriken all it did was speed up his chakra control practice exponentially, it would have taken him more time practicing but he could have learned the jutsu eventually even if he wasn't a jinchuriki. Now summons. Being the Yondaime's child might get him an in with Jiraiya to let him have the toad contract, but Sakura and Sasuke also get summoning contracts thanks to personal connections with Tsunade and Orochimaru and Jiraiya only gets him the opportunity. It's Naruto who has to use his willpower to stay on Gamabunta's back and it's Naruto who has to form relationships with his summons like Gamakichi, (a bond that becomes instrumental toward the end of the 4th war). Additionally learning Sage mode wasn't just a result of Naruto getting the contract because neither Sasuke nor Sakura achieved it despite both having contracts (and despite Kabuto managing it where Sasuke didn't) Sasuke with the Hawks as well as the Snakes. And importantly Naruto was unable to use clones or his extra chakra to speed up his training in this. In fact the clones only come into it after he has successfully mastered sage mode and function as a limited extra resource that's can't go beyond three shadow clones meditating and this doesn't function as more sage powah but as a means of extending his sage modes duration, a workaround that's only needed because his being a jinchuriki gets in the way of him gathering sage mode in real-time with the toads on him. In conclusion while his chakra lets him practice jutsu to learn them faster, this is not the case in either his sage mode or the yin yang release and only applies to the shadow clone, rasengan and rasenshuriken - all of which he had to actually learn and understand the mechanics of otherwise the jutsu wouldn't have worked no matter how many shadow clones he had try it and that with the exception of shadow clone he demonstrably could've learned them without being a jinchuriki. And in the case of rasengan and rasenshuriken he is under artificial time-limits imposed by Orochimaru and the Akatsuki.

So that's shadow clone, rasengan, rasenshuriken and sage mode covered but what about bijuu mode. An overpowered special mode he only gets for being a jinchuriki, that B only bothers to teach him because he's a jinchuriki, surely that's LEGIT op bullshit. No? No. At least not in comparison to the Sakura's forehead seal from Tsunade, Sasuke's Mangekyou abilities like izanagi, giant purple warrior and amaterasu, Obito's mokuton, Madara's sage of six paths abilities or the rinnegan's everything, anyway. Not to mention what the edo tensei are capable of.

The only reason bijuu mode works is that he earns Kurama's regard on an emotional level, it's not something which being a kage's kid or having jinchuriki chakra levels actually does fuck all to contribute to. He was that all along but Kurama still hated him and tried to take over his body. It's Naruto himself who has to reach out and make that effort to understand this person who he's always seen as a burden or a curse or an annoying tenant who doesn't pay rent, a monster who tries to kill him and take his body. It's Naruto who has to put in the emotional labour and see Kurama as a person, no matter the harm he's done.

Naruto is the underdog in spite of being "the chosen one" and having the strongest bijuu and a kage father because emotional labour is never easy and in a world like his it seems insane to even try. It's why everyone except him was prepared to give up on Sasuke, Naruto recognises his anger at Itachi and desire to avenge his family as valid, Naruto when he finds out the truth about Itachi from Danzo tells Sasuke he gets it, why he wants to destroy the village, why he's so angry, when Sasuke changes his mind and decides to become hokage instead of destroying it so he can change it, Naruto understands WHY even if he still wants to be kage himself. The problem with Sasuke is that his anger is self-destructive and self-isolating, not that it exists, it's when Naruto fights him one last time and makes Sasuke realise that he's only hurting himself and his loved ones at this point, that "talk no jutsu" finally works and Sasuke is able to listen to Naruto and come home.

It's also why Naruto earns being hokage; in a world full of killers, someone who is capable of acknowledging the harm done and not ignoring or forgetting it (like how he tells pain he can't forgive him), but who is also capable of looking past that and understanding the motivations and feelings of the person he's dealing with and talking to them on that level as equals hits so hard. It just felt like a fantastic set up for a diplomatic hokage capable of dealing with other kages and achieving a peace in spite of the fact they're all to the last, untrustworthy ninja mercenaries who are generally very ends justify the means. In a world of kill or be killed Naruto is still willing to kill, but he's also willing to understand and to talk. And he wasn't born with that, he worked for it and failed often, especially with Sasuke, it was never easy, it often appeared hopeless but he kept trying.

And we rooted for him because of it.

[tagamantra]

God Obliterating Vajra is the Southeast Asian Naruto Disco Elysium Weird Wuxia web serial you didn’t know you needed. Imagine if Naruto’s ninja-world progression collided with Disco Elysium’s brain-melting philosophy, then got doused in a monsoon of Southeast Asian Hindu-Buddhist mysticism and anti-capitalist rebellion. That’s this story.

Swap “chakra” for Sapi (the Mystic Fires latent in every person) and “qi” for Nihawa (the vital winds of all things), and you’ve got a world where power isn’t just cultivated—it’s ritualized.

The vibe:

Naruto meets Sword Saints: The protagonist isn’t just a martial artist—they’re a Sword-Mantrika, weaving tantras into blade strikes and chanting mantras sharper than steel.A scrappy, underdog protagonist (think "ninja meets ascetic monk") climbs a power ladder in a world where martial arts and dharma-fueled abilities replace chakra. But instead of Rasengans, they’re throwing vajrastras that shatter illusions and corporate greed.

Disco Elysium’s existential spice: he MC doesn’t just fight enemies—they battle their own inner voices, trauma, and philosophical contradictions. Think skill trees replaced by Buddhist precepts and dialogue choices that ask, “Do I dismantle this corrupt god-king… or dismantle myself first?” The MC’s progression isn’t just about leveling up—it’s about unraveling. Understanding Cultivations, sometimes known as Daan. Daan means Way or Path but it also means Hundred, for there are Myriads.

Southeast Asian Weird Wuxia: The world is a fever dream of Southeast Asian spiritcore—floating ketjak-dancing demons, jungles haunted by pontianak spirits, and cities ruled by merchant-gods hoarding karma like crypto. Combat is "sword saints" and "drunken muay Thai mystics" channeling ancestral rage through ritual tattoos. Battles erupt between Mystic Martial Artists who bend reality via tantric rituals—think monks using wayang kulit shadow puppetry to trap souls, or warriors whose sword forms invoke the fury of naga deities.

Why it slaps:

Sapi & Nihawa > Chakra & Qi: Forget solo cultivation—here, Sapi is cultivated not just through personal development but also in cultivating community. Nihawa is trained through breathing techniques but can also be stolen back from colonialist earth-pillagers who wield the Earth-Nihawa and use it to power their Karma Engines. Power is political.

Tantra-core combat: Fight scenes blend Hindu-Buddhist tantras with Southeast Asian flair: Spear-Tantrikas perform blood rituals to summon pontianak spirits, while Sword-Mantrikas duel in trance-states fueled by betel nut and bodhicitta.

Southeast Asian flavor: Battles blend silat martial arts with reality-warping mantras, like a kris dagger that cuts through timelines or a boss fight against a privatized rain god charging villagers for monsoon rights.

This is spiritcore maximalism—where compassion is as vital as swordplay, bodhicitta is the ultimate “stats” boost, and every ritual is a middle finger to modern greed. Imagine a wayang kulit play written by Frantz Fanon, with a soundtrack of electric gamelan riffs and clashing kris daggers. If you’re into web serials that weaponize spirituality, read it here and set your heart ablaze. 🌩️⚔️🙏

[the-sprog]

thinking about Naruto MHA crossover where post Shippuden but pre Boruto Team 7 end up in the world of MHA and have to choose a hero name for themselves for whatever reason and this conversation happens

N: "... You know what would be funny?"

Sasu: "You're not going around calling yourself "The Jinchuriki", Naruto."

N: "oh cmon why"

Saku: "We're not letting you call yourself a human sacrifice."

N: "but think of how funny it would be!!"

K: "I'm with him on this one. It would be hilarious."

Saku: "Why not... something related to the Ninetailed fox? Kyuubi or something?"

N: "do you want Kurama to eat you? Because if you suggest that again he's going to eat you"

Saku: "Ok ok. tell him to chill out"

Sasu: "I think he can hear you. Also don't tell the demon that lives in Naruto's stomach to chill."

K: "Yeah sakura. That's rude."

Saku: "I hate you all."

N: "... so I'm gonna go ahead and use jinchuriki-"

S&S: "NO"

N ":C"

Sakura decides on Medic-nin, very basic, she's the first that chose and didn't think everyone else was going to go take it THAT seriously.

Kakashi decides to repurpose his ANBU name and goes by Hound.

Naruto wants to use Jinchuriki because he thinks it would be HILARIOUS and is not letting anyone tell him otherwise.

Sasuke didn't want to do this, wanted to use Uchiha but got outvoted. He gets bullied into choosing Amaterasu. Him and Tokoyami would get along here.

I thought about how they'd go about the quirk thing. They can't attract too much attention using all their abilities, so they plan out what to use.

Sakura thought calling herself the Medic of the group would get her underestimated as the sideliner, but she uses her strength to shatter people's bones while naming them.

Naruto mostly stays within Shadow clones and Henge techniques, as well as speed. He allows himself the occasional Rasengan if things get real touch and go.

Kakashi goes all copy nin on them. I'm going to say he can use chakra to copy emitter quirks, so he goes with that and predicting people's moves and general taijutsu.

Sasuke goes all genjutsu on people. Allows himself the occasional chidori too though. Once they get a reliable way to care for them, he also starts sword fighting people.

In my head the first chapter of the fic would be a pov alternation between Aizawa telling a task force of heroes about the new vigilantes on the rise, all serious and gloomy, and team 7 having the above conversation

I was thinking of why this could've happened and I can very well blame the aliens still. I mean, they make a comeback in Boruto. But I want to ignore that show and make up my own ideas post Shippuden. But I mean. If the aliens have a time traveling device what's stopping me from saying they also have a universe traveling one?

So my idea is that team 7 accidentally activated it and it's got this ENORMOUSLY long cool down because it uses a ridiculous amount of chakra. This was only possible because Naruto was there essentially. So they're mostly chill. It's long enough after the war that the biggest issue is Kakashi isn't there to be Hokage, but I mean. Yamato can fill in for a few. So they're only biding their time and making sure the aliens don't come cause problems. Hence the double identities. They wanna make sure they can both spy around and hang out in public places without being constantly Henged.

Meanwhile the hero commission is in shambles because Naruto is physically incapable of minding his own beeswax, especially when children are being mistreated. He's honestly one fist fight away from befriending the LoV let's be honest.

[team7-headquarter]

The fact that it is a trope in Naruto that Kakashi saves Sakura before Sasuke can or when Sasuke is in a position to do so himself is so unhinged.

What was Kishimoto trying to do there?

The first time it happens (just outside of Konoha while traveling to the Land of the Waves), Sasuke very clearly thinks Kakashi is showing off. It's one of those funny moments where you can see how both Sasuke and Kakashi like being dramatic.

From that point, the story somehow establishes that it's Kakashi's job to protect Sakura as Sasuke and Naruto fight. At least Sasuke thinks that's the case...

It happens during the fight with Haku. I know that Sakura screams and Sasuke immediately wonders what Kakashi is doing when Sakura is in danger. I don't think he'd wonder the same if it was Naruto out there, since he'd probably criticize Naruto and not Kakashi for Naruto's own safety.

When Kakashi saves Sakura from both the chidori and the rasengan, they don't mention it at all, like it was natural for Kakashi to be there and for him to save / protect Sakura. At the time, Naruto was panicking because he couldn't stop, in the sense that he knew he didn't have the skill to do so, but Sasuke was more shocked that it was Sakura he'd hit. Once Sakura was safe and the thing was over, Sasuke went immediately back to thinking about how he was weak compared to Naruto.

He wasn't worried about Sakura not because he didn't care, but because that moment reassured him about Kakashi being there to protect her.

(It's worth mentioning Sasuke was upset over Naruto being the one who rescued her from Gaara because Sasuke was too used to having the role of second protector of the team, since it signaled he was the second strongest around).

Then, in Shippuden? Sasuke doesn't see Sakura as a real threat. He did mean to kill her during the Land of Iron, but the narrative again placed both Kakashi and Naruto there to protect her life. As soon as Kakashi and Naruto appeared, Sasuke forgot about her.

That encounter was the farthest Team 7 had been from the old days and the roles they had at those moments. Teamwork was absolutely gone.

During the Fourth Shinobi War, things went back a bit to what they were. Sasuke and Naruto tried to protect Sakura by telling her to stand behind or step back, except Sakura refused to be protected. They worked seamlessly for a few minutes, until it all went to hell and Kaguya appeared.

Kakashi spent almost the entire battle protecting Sakura. Understandable, since the first thing she did was run to get impaled like she didn't care at all about her own life. (Kakashi was scared shitless that something would happen to her).

TWO TIMES during the Kaguya fight Sakura was in danger and Naruto pointed out (commanded, really) that Sasuke could help her and Sasuke did move to do so, he did face her to act, before his mind could process what he was doing. In both cases, Kakashi was faster and had her safe and sound before Sasuke could even reconsider.

First in the lava world, where Kakashi had Sakura and Obito already secured, so Sasuke moved to protect Naruto. Second when Obito gave both his eyes to Kakashi and he decided to go all Susanno to pull Sakura out of danger, to Sasuke's surprise.

Time to mention that the narrative of the manga makes explicit the petty rivalry between Kakashi and Sasuke. Sasuke does hate him for having the sharingan, you know, and Kakashi would not stop when recriminating how Sasuke decided to use the things he taught him, like the chidori, to hurt his comrades.

Anyway, Naruto decides to use that moment to tell Sasuke that Kakashi's susanno was cooler and talk about how the Copy Nin was amazing and all of that. If I had to guess, Naruto was more than a bit irritated because Sasuke was rude to Kakashi and Sakura and called them useless. It is a good guess if I'm allowed to say so, since Naruto also made a point of telling Sasuke to thanks Sakura for helping Obito bring him back from another dimension.— After all, Naruto did also complain about Sasuke being the leader, since he thought Sakura and Kakashi were better at making plans.

It kinda reached its limits when Sasuke put her under a genjutsu (of getting hit with a chidori to the chest, of all things) and Kakashi lost his cool. He was so visibly frustrated with Sasuke and the feeling was mutual.

It was call back to sooo many moments between Sakura and Sasuke:

When Sakura cried and calmmed the cursed mark back at the Forest of Death, when Sakura tried to prevent Sasuke from competing with the cursed mark during the Chuning Exams preliminaries and Sasuke told her to shut up, or when she tried to stop him from leaving Konoha to find Orochimaru and Sasuke knocked her out. It was an echo of the way Sasuke did almost hit her with a chidori back when they were kids without meaning to and then years later when he did mean to kill her; it was the memory all the times she worried about him and rushed to put herself in danger for his wellbeing when he didn't want her to.

When Sasuke left to fight Naruto, Kakashi was the one who stayed with her. When Sasuke left on his journey for atonement, Kakashi was there to tell him to behave, but also he was there next to the girl he had been protecting for years now. I don't know what all of that was supposed to mean...

I guess that Sakura played a part in Sasuke and Naruto's rivalry as much as she played a part in Kakashi and Sasuke's animosity.

[al-hekima-madara-blog]

What if we rewrite Madara as a hero?

We know in Naruto, most villains aren't born this way, they are often the product of their environment and also the consequence of solitude when dealing with hardships.

Kakashi was on the verge of falling in the dark side but was saved by Hiruzen. Oroshimaru was an orphan of war that developed a nihilist vision of life and absence of moral in his scientific approach. Pain is the consequence of forever wars in the Rain village, the lost of his family and his friend. Gaara the absence of love, Sasuke also became briefly mean due to his hate for Itachi and later his hate for the village.

Madara shippuden

Alright so how can we rewrite Madara in order that he doesn't fall for the dark path, while keeping most elements of his life :

If you have read my serie Yin/ Yang part 1 and part 2 you know that Naruto as the MC is strongly a Yang shinobi. Naruto's mind never change. he's always the same exuberant, strong-will and stubborn character. His challenge during the whole manga is to become physically stronger. He started as doing poorly in ninjutsu, learnt by himself shadow clone technique, rasengan, to control Kyubi, later to befriend Kurama.

If Madara was the main character in a series centred during the warring state era, he would have Yin-type of challenge to face. His power is through dream, vision, imagination. In other world the main goal of Madara should have been to develop a power capable of changing people's hearts rather than change people into becoming evil cf Obito or forcing people living inside a illusion. It's so real that Madara stated himself when he was young.

In other words what he's saying : how can we trust others? how can we be sincere and be friend with former enemies?

Have you noticed that most Yin shinobi (with Obito being the exception) don't struggle to become powerful physically. Their strength grow steadily with training and discipline. Itachi, Sasuke, or Madara, They excel at school, smart and learn techniques with time and creativity. They're downfall is... their mental instability (*Tobirama entering the chat*). The problem isn't how to get stronger but how to keep a sane mindset in order to use this power for good.

1/ Face your fear

The main obstacle for Madara achieving this is to confront his fears. He is scared of trusting people behind him and this phobia is manifested by his susanoo with two faces and four arms. It can be understand in many way, the back is the most vulnerable part of the body. It would be interesting to know if in his early childhood he has been betrayed in his back which has caused this phobia. He also doesn't trust future generations, he doesn't think they can come with better idea than him. This is a feeling that he shared with Indra : Him, alone can solve the world's problems. Obito for instance was supposed to follow a path already thought through by Madara. He despised so much others than even when he gives his plan to Obito he needs to do it in his name. That's an extreme side of egoism. "Only me can achieve this dream and I'm gonna divide myself in other me (Obito, Black Zetsu) to finish the job."

So obviously to glow up as a hero he needs to confront his fear, having children and students.

2/ Accept failure & learn resilience

One of the hardest part for Madara was accepting death. I personally don't think Izuna was the only people he lost in his life, but Izuna is certainly the straw that broke the camel's back. His brother was special to him, he was the last one and a promise he made to himself to keep him alive. The main reason of Madara's spiralling in despair was the absence of any support (Izuna was mostly holding this role)

To rewrite we might need to invent a new character that can be this new emotional support during this moment. When Naruto is about to fall Hinata is the one bring him back. I'm thinking about a moment in Jujutsu Kaisen, the MC Yuji has lost many people he cared in a short amount of time and he's in the verge to fall apart until Todo gave him the blablajustu of his life and it works!

So this brand new character can be a friend from his clan who still trust him or a girlfriend/spouse even his mother! In my opinion a woman will perfectly do the job. Because women force men to channel their ambition into something realistic : Yes you want to conquer the world but can you pay the bills? Can you feed your child? Can you protect me? Can you built our house? Are you seriously gonna blow up Konoha and abandon your family? Also intimacy with a woman is generally the rare moment where a man fall the mask of the tough guy. It's socially more acceptable for a woman to show vulnerability but generally frown upon for men. So yeah relationship with the opposite gender is important to give them the security to express their vulnerable side. And Madara is known for his GIGANTIC ego, I think he deserves to have in this rewriting a partner that lets him fall the armour and just be himself, just be a man. Who knows, in his private garden maybe Madara is a poet and read romcom?

To illustrate the importance of women and how men only show a private part of themselves to them I remember Mikoto revealing to Sasuke that his father is actually his secret biggest fan.

Anyway it needs to be someone with a strong emotional wisdom able to tell Madara : "yes you lost Izuna and you're experiencing your biggest failure. But you can't give up now because it means all those people you loved has sacrifice their life for nothing. I believe in you, you can surpass this challenge and keep going to honour your people."

3/Don't leave Konoha... or partially but come back stronger

Ok I know weird coming from me who never defend Konoha. But if Madara is written as the hero he can't completely abandon the village.

Also contrary to other character like Sasuke : Madara is one of the founder! He's not a 12 years old and an orphan. At this period he was between 25 to 30 years old (Izuna died at 24 for reference), unpopular sure but still a well-known, experienced shinobi and powerful head of clan. He had way more leverage to influence the village than Sasuke. The village wasn't yet the strong institution and the children killer machine it would become later on. He might leave it for a while in order to improve his skills. but he has to come back to confront...Tobirama. Leaving was literally giving free hands to the Senju to build Konoha with this generational paranoia mindset toward the Uchihas. If someone should have use all his Yin power to change relationship between Senju and Uchiha it should have been Madara but he run away from his duty. Yes Tobirama is Hashirama's brother AND Izuna's murderer. But how many orphans and widows Madara himself did he create? All shinobis including Hashirama has blood on their hands. It's hard, but as a hero he has to find a way to solve this conflict.

The infinite Tsukuyomi is escapism. Reality was too hard for Madara so better live it in a dream. He said during the Valley of the End fight he can see the shadow taking over the village... well that was his role as someone understanding well the Yin side of chakra to prevent it, he has abandoned his role and his people. Hashirama doesn't listen to you? find an other way inside the village! And this moment was illustrated by Onoki's flashback the previous tsuchikage about not giving up his will in front of challenge. It also applied to Madara's mindset toward Hashirama. At some moment Madara became resentful rather than finding a different perspective to change the village's mindset.

Izuna's death is also the opportunity for being accountable of his own failure. Why is he misunderstood by his clansmen? Why is he hated by those in the village that he wanted to protect? If anyone has watched the anime Viking, the second season covered a similar theme. The hero was first introduces in the first season as a fierce warrior motivated by vengeance, in season 2 he lost his goal and became the shadow of who he was but during this introspection he confronts his demons and came back with a new vision of the world. Why not introduce a new villain that can be confronted only by someone with a mastery of Yin release (in order to put Hashirama on the side and brings the spotlight on Madara's power). Like the challenge that Pain was for Naruto. This new villain may force Madara to unlocked his power at a higher level. So this character must be someone mastering also Yin release. Similar to Naruto when he met Killer Bee that controls Hashibi at a higher level than him. The Sharingan is always seen as a power growing in the negative energy of it's owner, what if this time it grows from the most positive energy? Since Madara is a dojutsu expert, I think of a Huyga villain for that role. Byakugan is the other greatest Dojutsu if we put aside Rinnegan. Byakugan vs Sharingan can be an insanely good fight!

4/ to put it in a nutshell

Madara has to stop being pee-shy for character's improvement

Find him a partner so he won't feel alone and go crazy even in his darkest moments

having children and students could have been a good way to trust the new generation. I'm sure he would hate at first having students like Kakashi in the beginning but later being the best teacher ( just look how he was the only one to see Obito's potential and made him someone even stronger than Itachi in short among of time. Being able to control Kyubi at 16 years old is incredible)

He should learn patience : yes it may take time to be valued in Konoha and as a Yin Shinobi it's his role to confront Tobirama and his bullshits.

Unlocked insane Yin release, become konoha's hero like Naruto after Pain.

Clarify the rumour that he stole his brother's eyes, just tell the truth: he gave it to you. Period. If someone ~Tobirama to not name him, disagrees he has to come fight him in the battlefield.

He could have then become the 2nd Hokage

If truly relationship has been pacify between Senju and Uchiha after a generation Konoha would have been so powerful that probably the shinobi world would have been unified with Konoha has the main power.

The World is now safer under Madara's hegemony. Black zetsu can't have any influence because he has no more weakness to exploit, Kaguya won't be awaken and the Otsutsuki won't look for her she's still sealed inside the moon and no need for Boruto to exist.

⋆꙳•❅‧₊⋆☃︎‧❆₊⋆The End.⋆꙳•❅‧₊⋆☃︎‧❆₊⋆

[sueske]

sp completely missed the point of vote2. vote2 was a 'battle' between naruto and sasuke only, yet for some reason sp tried to bring outsiders into it. and they also took liberties and made other changes too.

in the manga sasuke screams as he punches naruto. it's a callback to vote1 - "can you kill me calmly sasuke?" because sasuke can't kill naruto calmly. it's also sasuke taking out his hatred on naruto (kage summit arc callback) as naruto lets sasuke take his anger out on him. but for some reason sp took the decision to silence sasuke during the anime version of this scene.

sp made a show of naruto dropping his leaf headband and seeing his eyes reflected in metal alongside sasuke's chidori, when in the manga we don't even see when naruto loses the headband. the anime even made a show of naruto putting the headband back in his pocket (wow... all the symbolism here). but in the manga naruto keeps constant eye contact with sasuke with the narrator saying 'there's no escaping those eyes'. 

again, vote2 is naruto and sasuke, not naruto and sasuke and everyone else. all those additions to naruto and sasuke's rasengan and chidroi were for what exactly? kishimoto even put kurama asleep inside naruto because their emotional heart to heart in 698 was just between THEM. 

in the anime naruto lamented the fact that he broke the promise to tsunade, saying how he wouldn't die before he became hokage. but again this did not happen in the manga. it was reiterated by naruto throughout the series that sasuke was more of a priority than becoming hokage, to the point that during the kage summit arc naruto looked relieved and happy at the prospect of dying together with sasuke.

in the manga sasuke never referred to naruto as a brother in any capacity, yet for some reason sp thought it prudent for sasuke to say this, even though from vote1 sasuke knew it was nothing like that from the start?

maybe it's sp that doesn't get it... or maybe they do and that's the problem.

so I think this scene can be interpreted in a few ways actually... but from the way I see it (and I'll give sp the benefit of the doubt here), it shows how after everything there is still a sasuke-shaped space next to naruto - the camera zooms in on them together, it's this that affects sasuke. but this scene still rubs me the wrong way because of the way it's set up and the implication of sasuke being affected by joining in with all the other konoha pals. it's been made clear many many times that, after everything, it's only naruto that matters to sasuke to the point that he needs to kill him to be truly alone. no one else factors in here. sasuke also doesn't care what everyone else thinks. and even for naruto, the fact of the matter is, even with all those konoha pals standing behind him, it's only sasuke that would make naruto turn his back on everything. putting sasuke on the same level as everyone else doesn't sit right. they even put tobirama in there...

sp completely dropped the ball on this. vote2 was the promised fight from the kage summit arc - "if we die you won't be an uchiha and I won't be a jinchuuriki - we'll meet again in the afterlife". vote2 was literally them on the brink of death trying to understand each other, too beat up to even move their bodies... all they could do was talk. kurama was asleep, there were no leaf headbands in sight, sasuke had his sharingan off, etc, cuz even if at that moment they were still uchiha and jinchuuriki, kishimoto stripped them as bare as much as he could as they finally faced their feelings and reconciled... a happier version of the outcome predicted by naruto at the kage summit arc, but close to it, dangling on the edge. nothing else mattered except naruto and sasuke.

and then afterwards sp really showed sasuke in prison, restrained in every possible way even though this never happened in the manga. the cherry on top.

[the-real-sasuke-uchiha]

Sasuke, what do you think of Kakashi?

1-He was clearly biased against me when Naruto and I fought at the hospital rooftop, he only lectured me for pulling the chidori against Naruto, while he never reprimanded Naruto for using the rasengan against me. Which, I remind you, he pulled first and I only used the chidori as a legitimate self defence. He only asked me if I wanted to kill Naruto because, apparently, I have no right to defend my life.

2-Then he goes and ties me to a tree. See, this is very recurrent for these people, I apparently never have a right to decide where I want to go or who I want to be with. So he ties me to force me to hear his petty speech about revenge and friendship, because revenge (JUSTICE, YOU IDIOT) is apparently so wrong (but only when I seek it, ahem, because if it is Shikamaru then everyone is supporting him).

3-He dismisses my feelings, I apparently have to let go because he let go? He compares himself to me, as if losing comrades heroically because they wanted to protect their village is the same as losing your family because they were brutally murdered. As if losing your father to suicide is the same as losing your entire family, people, culture, because, allegedly, your brother, your most loved person, killed them all on a whim. I am apparently not the most unfortunate person because I have "friends"? This is not drama Olympics, Kakashi, but if it was, you and I would be in totally different leagues and you know it, quit the bullshit.

4-He learns the truth about the massacre, he knows the village committed genocide, and first thing he does is tell Naruto to shut up about it. He knows the village committed a genocide and still makes up his mind to kill me so I am not a liability for the government. He treats me like a terrorist and a mad person when he knows my rage is totally legit. Never even once he tries to hold the village responsible for what they did, never even once he faces the elders or demands any explanation. He never even acknowledges it was wrong.

5-He has the guts to blame me for defending my life when Sakura tries to kill me and pretends she is the victim. He pretends she was trying to kill me to "save me" instead of getting rid of a problem for their government. I repeat, he knew the truth here.

6-He never respects me and he treats me as if I am responsible for what Sakura feels for me. He never respects my right to decide about my own life and my own body. He validates her emotional blackmail and adds to it, pretending I have to do whatever makes my friends happy regardless of what I want or feel. He pretends I am a monster for responding roughly to continuous blackmail and harassment, which I am suffering since I can remember. Apparently I am not my own person, I have to be Sakura's love toy or else I am evil.

So, in summary, I despise him and I want nothing to do with him.

[leportraitducadavre]

Let's get something out of the way, the "Sasuke as a medic" AU has nothing to do with Tsunade being more "suited" to mentor him; there's nothing she can teach him that he'd find useful in his quest (why would he, who has an enormous amount of chakra at his disposal, need to learn to delicately control his energy as Sakura canonically needs to as her chakra pool is small?), nor helpful. Tsunade would never even consider taking him out of the front lines to use him as a medic either, as doing so would be a waste of his immense power and capabilities in the field.

No. This AU isn't about Sasuke, it's about Sakura and how her stans want to disguise their ultimate desire for her to have more jutsus at her disposal than what Tsunade taught her.

Hate to break it to you, but being the student of a powerful ninja doesn't mean copy-pasting the abilities of the mentor down to the disciple. What they learn has all to do with their personal capabilities, desires, and natural strength. Naruto, while he used mostly his teacher's jutsu, quickly outgrew his teachings by taking the Rasengan further than his father and Jiraiya, Sasuke surpassed both Orochimaru and Kakashi, as Kabuto did with the Sannin by the end of the series.

Orochimaru knowing kenjutsu doesn't translate to Sakura being able to be even remotely good at it. Her "agility" (which isn't even canon as there's no mention of medics being agile, rather them staying away from danger) has to do with her being a medic-nin, and I'll reiterate, Orochimaru isn't a medic in a similar manner Tsunade is, that one is Kabuto. Why would Orochimaru take Sakura with him when Kabuto, a 19-year-old, devised a technique like Tsunade's without even meeting her before fighting her?

Sakura copy-pasted the techniques taught to her, she improved them in no manner:

Do you see where I'm going with this? Kabuto even has a larger pool of chakra as he was able to learn Senjutsu mode which Sakura will never be able to do (Tsunade and Sakura having a small chakra pool is the whole reason why the Yin Seal -that actually uses Yang, as that's the only chakra nature Tsunade possesses even exists).

Kabuto knew medical ninjutsu outside of Orochimaru's teachings as those were the reasons Orochimaru sought him out, the Sannin even admitted to looking for extraordinarily talented people to take "under his wing", and at no moment he even looked in Sakura's direction (I implore you to read yourself the whole Orochimaru vs. Team 7 fight, from Chapter 46 to Chapter 49, and tell me how many times Orochimaru even glances at Sakura's direction. He knows both Naruto and Sasuke's names, yet never mentions Sakura's).

I don't even understand why "being an expert at Genjutsu" has her fandom in such a chokehold, normal genjutsu became almost obsolete when the Sharingan (Yin Release at its finest) was introduced and the more the story unfolded the fewer regular genjutsu experts, of the likes of Kurenai or Shee, were introduced, as the strongest characters either used kekkei genkai genjutsu (which can't be broken by a single person as the chakra needs to be disturbed by someone else) or ninjutsu/taijutsu skills. Regular genjutsu can be broken by the target if they realize a genjutsu has been casted, it's mostly used as a quick diversion for an attack or to escape, and most ninja have that tool at their disposal.

[And if you think Sakura would be able to pull off a Genjutsu like Shee does and attack with the speed at which A attacked Jügo you're out of your mind, she used not a single remarkable genjutsu in the whole manga, having Sasuke do that for her during FoD and dispersed a single basic one. She fell for Kakashi's genjutsu on the bell test, had to wait for Sasuke's reassurance that an illusion was in place in the chünin exams, fell for Orochimaru's own genjutsu in FoD, and was fooled by a henge twice in the same chapter and once by non-other than Naruto who pretended to be Sasuke. She had four encounters with the genjutsu technique, and three out of the four times she fell for it and still, some of you still hold Kakashi's words as "proof of her wasted potential" when he's the same man who couldn't care less if she dropped out of the exam.]

And as a quick addition, why is Mokuton!Sakura so insanely popular? Her having Earth and Water releases (Ino also has those nature releases, what's your point?) means nothing as she'll need a huge amount of chakra (which she doesn't possess) and few ninjas are even capable of mixing the two.

While any ninja can learn to transform their chakra’s nature, and even transform it into different natures consecutively (which Sakura was never even shown to do as she only used her medical skills to fight), it is impossible for them to transform two at the same time.

And he could perform such a special jutsu because he was of a kekkei genkai bearing clan

Only those with the genetic abilities of these kekkei genkai have a chakra system capable of double-nature transformation.

Canonically, no one but Hashirama could naturally have such nature release (for god's sake, Naruto and Sasuke both have water and earth nature and they can't even use Mokuton!). Let me remind you the reason why Hashirama having Mokuton is so important thematically:

Mokuton is the expression of Yang (Life) at its finest; Yang Release uses chakra that is two parts physical energy and one part spiritual energy. It governs vitality and manipulates the body, breathing life into form to animate that which lacks life of its own, which is in direct opposition to the Sharingan that expresses Yin (creating form from nothing); Yin Release uses chakra that is two parts spiritual energy and one part physical energy. It governs imagination and manipulates the spirit, creating form from nothingness to give shape to that which has none (which is why the Sharingan is the ultimate expression of Genjutsu).

[Used Sasuke's chart to exemplify, as Madara has both Yin and Yang Releases as he modified his body using Hashirama's cells].

Yamato was experimented on by Orochimaru by using Hashirama's cells, so the only way Sakura could have such power is if she is experimented on by Orochimaru, and why on earth would he do that? Furthermore, Hashirama's cells would eat her alive in seconds, she couldn't handle a scratch amount of Kyuubi's chakra, how would she handle Hashirama's? This is the same man whose chakra was so vast and potent he healed himself unconsciously!

Sakura having delicate chakra control isn't a wild card you can use as you see fit to fulfill your fantasies, it means nothing outside her medical work. This notion that "Sakura has precise control of her chakra! That means she can learn any jutsu she wants!" is completely false.

First of all, Kakashi outright claims this idea of "no Jutsu should ever be beyond you," is "in theory, anyway." At no point does he say you'll be capable of learning chakra-draining ninjutsu with this skill alone as not a page after he claims this:

If you think this looks hard, it's even more difficult to maintain your chakra when using ninjutsu

Delicate chakra control in a portion of one's body (like fists when using Sakura's Cherry Blossom Impact) used to enhance one's strength (chakra enhancement is a feat used by every shinobi ever, like Lee and Gai themselves, albeit with different levels of expertise) isn't as chakra depleting as using Ninjutsu, which is why Sakura and Tsunade use it as their main fighting technique since they don't have a vast chakra pool as Hashirama had.

[themidnightguardian]

Day 1: Panic Attack & Race Against the Clock -- Kakashi (ft. Team 7)

gen | AU of the hospital rooftop fight | Warnings: panic attacks, hints of PTSD, referenced childhood trauma, referenced child deaths, canon-typical violence, Kakashi's guilt complex, brief suicide idealization (specifically with Kakashi feeling he can only be redeemed in dying)

Whumptober 2024 Masterlist

---

Kakashi knew something was wrong by the increasingly familiar trickle of dread down his spine that he had come to associate with his students’ lives being in danger. It wasn’t anything tangible, nothing he had proof of. It was just a gut feeling, but nothing good had ever come of ignoring his instincts.

(He might have managed to save Obito if he’d learned to listen sooner. Might have been able to stop Itachi from slaughtering his clan. Might have fought harder to keep Naruto from going to an orphanage, instead of into Kakashi’s care, like Minato-sensei would have wanted.)

Instinctively, he changed his course from the Memorial Stone back towards the hospital. He’d just been discharged half an hour ago, and he’d left Naruto and Sakura at Sasuke’s bedside where he was still recovering from Tsukuyomi. He’d thought they’d be safe there.

Had something gone wrong medically? It wasn’t like Tsunade to make mistakes, and besides, Sasuke seemed fine when Kakashi left, if grumpier than usual.

What if Orochimaru is making another play for the sharingan? he thought, picking up the pace. His own chakra reserves were still drained from his last fight with Itachi and the weeks he’d spent in a coma, but he pushed himself faster, using shunshin to cross rooftops in the span of seconds. What if the Akatsuki have sent someone else to collect the kyuubi?

Another twenty seconds—so slow, too slow, why couldn’t he move faster—and the hospital was finally in view. The hospital, which had a lumpy mass of orange on its roof.

Naruto’s shadow clones. Fuck.

Faster. His gut had been right; there was a problem. Some kind of fight was happening on the hospital rooftop, and Naruto was involved. And if Naruto was involved, then Sasuke would have followed him, too determined to not get left behind. And if Sasuke had gone, then Sakura would be there, and if they were facing down an S-rank nin—hell, even an A-rank or B-rank nin—then they were all going to get wiped out.

Kakashi refused to let that happen. He’d made a promise to himself when Sarutobi made him take on Team 7 that he wouldn’t fail them the same way he’d failed his own genin teammates. That he would do anything to keep them alive.

(It was a promise he couldn’t hope to keep, not in the world they lived in. But he knew if he lost any of the kids, it would destroy him in a way none of the other deaths of his precious people had managed. His father’s death had been crushing. Obito’s had ripped him in half. Rin’s had shattered him into a million pieces, and Minato’s had left him a shell of a person.

But if Naruto or Sasuke or Sakura died, Kakashi didn’t think he had any pieces of himself left to lose to grief.

If the kids died, Kakashi was certain he would follow them one way or another.)

He was one building away when the clones dispersed rapidly, and the crackling chirp of chidori filled the air. He launched himself forward. If Sasuke needed to pull out an attack of that caliber, then they were in danger, they needed him, they—

Kakashi landed on the edge of the hospital rooftop, momentarily frozen in place.

On one end of the roof, Sasuke ran forward, chidori a bright burst of lightning in his palm. On the other end, Naruto, racing towards him, arm outstretched with a swirling rasengan.

Aimed at each other.

And Rin Sakura—always forced to play peacemaker between the boys—was trying to step between. As if she could stop them. As if they might stop for her.

(Brown hair. Purple marks on her cheeks. A smile. Blood on his hand, warm and wet. Blood, spilling from her mouth. Dead. Dead, dead, dead.

Everyone was always dying, and it was always his fault.)

He was moving before the image in his head fully faded. He was faster than Sakura, faster than Naruto or Sasuke. Faster and stronger, and he would stop them, he had to, he had to—

It was easy. They were inexperienced, and they were too focused on each other to see him coming. He wrapped his hands around their wrists, wrenched them apart just as Sakura went stumbling past.

(Too close. Too close. Too close.)

The rooftop fell silent, but Kakashi could hear his own heartbeat thundering in his ears, smelled the lingering singe of lightning, and he suddenly he couldn’t breathe. He couldn’t—his lungs wouldn’t work, too heavy, weighed down, like they were being crushed, crushed like Obito—

Black creeped in at the edge of his vision, and suddenly the heaviness in his lungs felt less like crushing and more like stabbing, like they’d been torn through, like Rin—

(God, like Rin, when Kakashi killed her.

He killed her.

He killed her. He killed her. He killed her.)

“Ka—”

He tried to breathe in, but it didn’t work, or maybe it did but it didn’t matter, and the dark creeped closer anyway, and maybe that was what he deserved. Yes. It was what he deserved, and when he died, maybe then Rin and Obito could forgive him. When he died, maybe that would be enough.

“Kakashi—”

It would never be enough, but it would be a start. And he was dying—he had to be dying, because he couldn’t breathe and he couldn’t see past the darkness, and everything was heavy, and his body must finally be quitting on him. He’d known it would, one day.

“Kakashi-sensei, please!”

There was a sharp slap to his face, and the shock of it yanked him abruptly back to the rooftop. For a moment, all he could see was pink-orange—the sunset, he thought, until something blue-black edged in, and no…those were his students leaning over him. Sakura, face wet. Naruto, eyes wide and frantic. Sasuke, white-knuckled grip on Kakashi’s vest.

Kakashi inhaled, and the air in his lungs hurt, but it was there. He became aware of the pavement under him. Somehow, he’d ended up on the ground. He must have collapsed.

“Sensei?” Sakura asked, voice wobbling.

“Hm?” He couldn’t manage more than that, his throat still tight enough he worried a single word would be enough to choke him.

But instead of asking a question, she let out a sob and all but tackled him, Naruto following a second after. It was a good thing he was already on the ground, or else they’d have knocked him over.

“I’m sorry. I’m sorry. I’m sorry,” Naruto said, and now he sounded like he was crying too, face half-buried in Kakashi’s shoulder.

Slowly, carefully, and with his arm still feeling like it weighed a hundred pounds, Kakashi lifted a hand and patted the top of Naruto’s head. Then Sakura’s. And then, because Sasuke had always been pricklier about that sort of thing, even if he needed the same reassurances the others did, Kakashi reached out and clasped his shoulder.

“Me, too,” Sasuke said, much more quietly and without the tears. But there was a heaviness to it. Shame, Kakashi thought. “I’m…sorry.”

Kakashi nodded as much as he was able, and then let his head thunk back down on the pavement.

(Later, when the crying finally stopped and Kakashi was back in the damned hospital again—because apparently he’d re-drained his chakra reserves and also passed out, and that required inpatient care—he’d tear them all a new one, Sakura included. The boys were in the most trouble for fighting each other like that, but to get between two deadly jutsus? It was suicidal.)

(And if, when Kakashi was done lecturing from his hospital bed—and Tsunade was done yelling, twice as loud and with significantly more swearing thrown in—the kids refused to budge from the hospital room, clustering around Kakashi’s bed and taking turns maintaining a point of contact like they thought he would disappear if they let him go for even a second…well.

This wasn’t the way Kakashi had wanted to make them all act like a proper team, but he wasn’t about to argue with the results.)

[bellesans-merci]

not my inspiration flying over to a Deadpool/Sakura crossover 😭

Deadpool ending up in the Naruto verse, obviously knowing where he is because he’s canonically a fan.

Except, he somehow lands in Sakura’s apartment and she is ✨unamused✨. He starts fanboying, because of course he is President of Sakura Haruno Deserved Better™️, and he’s her biggest fan.

He gets excited because he’s in a village full of assassins, fanboys over Naruto and Kakashi. Ironically, he hates Sasuke - thinks he’s a douchebag, but he acknowledges that he’s very hot and he can forgive him only if he’d allow him the courtesy of a reach around.

Surprisingly, in this AU, Sakura isn’t married to Sasuke…who turns out to be married to Naruto. Deadpool squeals, “🤩 omg it’s a fanfiction universe. Oh, the possibilities are endless!”

Sakura doesn’t know what to do with him, he follows her everywhere like a lovesick puppy. Kakashi wants to lock him up somewhere, but Deadpool’s like, “Well, you could, but I’d be a very, very, very, very, very, very long term commitment and we all know you have issues with that.”

Sai cuts off his head.

Deadpool’s head on the ground: “I see why no one likes you.”

Sakura’s intrigued, agrees to keep an eye on him just so she can study him. They get closer because she’s lonely with a bleeding heart, isn’t too disgusted by his face, and they have some bonding moments even though he’s so fucking annoying.

Kakashi needs Sakura for a mission, Deadpool begs to go just once since it’s his dream, and Kakashi inexplicably agrees.

Deadpool nearly moans: “You’re letting me go? Oh, this such a fucking plot hole - I love it.”

Kakashi: “what does that even mean?”

Sakura: “I don’t know, I stopped processing what he says a few days ago,”

The night before the mission, Deadpool locks himself up in the guest room and the next morning he comes out dressed as Naruto. Complete with wig and orange jacket he probably stole from him.

Sakura, absolutely dumbfounded: “wuh-what are you doing?”

Deadpool, striking a thumbs up: “If I’m gonna be Hokage, I have to look the part.”

Sakura, exasperated: “Hokage? Seriously?”

Deadpool, nods: “Yeah, I’ve even got my campaign slogan: SASUKEEEEHH!”

Sakura: “Oh god, please no, we already have one of those.”

Narutopool: “I can’t wait to use Talk no Jutsu.”

Sakura, sighing: “You already do. Let’s just go.”

They go on this mission, Deadpool calls his attacks Rasengan and Raikiri and all these other things that don’t even make sense — Sakura wants to kill him herself but admits this lunatic is wildly entertaining.

Deadpool, on the other hand, is having an absolute blast. They complete the mission, they end up drinking to celebrate, he dresses her up in his suit. She thinks it’s restrictive, he thinks it’s hot.

Sakura: “Do you ever shut up?”

Deadpool, shaking his head: “No, not that I can recall. They do call me the Merc with the mouth.”

Sakura: “You’re actually so annoying.”

Deadpool, gleefully aghast: “That’s so ironic, coming from you. Say it again.”

They’re in another battle, both assassins just decimating everyone, and Sakura has an internal crisis over why she thinks this masked lunatic is so fucking hot when he cuts someone in half.

Sakura, despairing: “Whyyyy is he so hot when he’s killing people??? Is it because he’s focused and not talking for once?”

Deadpool, with his blade in a howling shinobi’s asshole: “Shh, shh, it goes in easier when you relaxxx.”

Sakura screams in frustration. He’s making a mess of things, as usual, and she just can’t take his jabbering any longer. She punches him through the chest, immediately feels better, and he regenerates.

Deadpool: “God that was so fucking hot, you were literally inside me.”

They end up at another bar. He’s growing on her, unfortunately, even with the bloody Naruto wig he stapled onto his head.

He’s asking her how to use chakra, he obviously doesn’t have any. She asks him when he’s going home, he shrugs and tells her he fucked everything up and he kind of likes it there. Sakura panics a bit, knowing that if he stays, he’ll cause an international disaster.

Sakura: “You need to go home. You don’t belong here.”

Deadpool, for the first time since she’s known him, is silent and she gets the feeling he’s a little hurt: “I don’t belong anywhere.”

Of course, Sakura feels bad now: “I didn’t mean it like that, you probably have a whole life waiting for you even if you think you messed up. Everyone’s redeemable.”

Deadpool, nods sagely: “Yeah! Like Sasuke.”

Sakura: “…You fucked up like that?”

Deadpool goes on to tell her that he may have accidentally stolen a hero from another timeline to save his world, but he didn’t account for how his love interest would get the hots for him.

Deadpool: “It’s probably because he has a working dick.”

Sakura, shocked: “Your dick doesn’t work?”

Deadpool, gestures to his face: “My face isn’t the only thing that looks battered and air fried.”

Sakura, wide eyed, glances down at his crotch then at his masked face: “….can I see?”

Deadpool: 😳

Sakura: 😳

Deadpool, grabs her by the hand and drags her to the room: “Fuck yeah, you can see!”

He drops his pants as soon as they’re alone and Sakura gasps. She doesn’t even feel titillated considering she’s staring at a mottled sausage, substantial as it is.

Deadpool, hands on his hips, squinting down at it: “Yeah, I guess it does kinda look like a sausage.”

Sakura, mortified: “Oh my gosh, I’m so sorry. I didn’t mean to say that out loud.”

Deadpool: “You’re good, it’s nothing I haven’t thought of myself.”

Sakura, continues to stare: ….

Deadpool: “I’ve never had a chick stare at my dick for so long.”

Sakura: “I could probably get it to work. Actually, I think I might be able to fix you at the molecular level. Probably not permanently though, given your regenerative abilities are due to this…mutated cancer.”

Deadpool, overcome by emotion, drops to his knees in front of her, dick still swangin: “What? You can?”

Sakura, ignoring the genitals near her pinky, nods: “Yes, probably. I’m not sure until I get in there, though.”

Deadpool slaps his hands against his cheeks, absolutely excited: “Holy fuck, I forgot you’re Medical Jesus in this world!”

Sakura: “Please, what does that even mean?????”

Sakura, obviously fixes him up, taps into her inner mad scientist and works with his cells and experiments. She only fixes him temporarily, every time he gets hurt the cells come back, but it’s light work for her. When she fixes his face, she’s genuinely taken aback by how handsome he is, if saddened by how much he has struggled.

Deadpool, now going by Wade without the suit, is definitely obsessed with her. Calls her his Messiah and plastic surgeon.

Out of Scientific Curiosity™️, she asks if the mouth on the merc is only good for talking shit, and Deadpool’s not the cherry stem champion for no reason. When they fuck she tells herself it’s because she wants to know if her work is that good, not because he’s so damn hot in that suit and she’s 🎀 just a girl 🎀.

They fuck a lot.

When they get back to the village, it’s in chaos. There’s a yellow clad man running around with steel claws wreaking havoc and Sasuke’s about to Tsukuyomi his ass to white padded walls. Deadpool runs in between them.

Deadpool, arms out in appeasement: “Woah, woah! Down, boys! This is my pet!”

Naruto, Rasengan in hand: “Your pet?!”

Deadpool, slapping a hand on a growling Wolverine’s bloody head: “Oh my—is that the Rasengan?! Wait! Hold on! This is Wolvie! Isn’t he cute?!”

Random shinobi, clutching his bloody stump of an arm and holding his cut off hand: “He cut off my arm!”

Sakura, rushing forward to reattach it: “Oh shit, give me that!”

Deadpool winces and sucks in air through his teeth: “Sorry, haven’t had the time to house break him yet!”

Wolverine, twisting out of his grip: “You fucking piece of shit, where have you been? I’ve been going to all these fucking crazy dimensions looking for your dumb ass!”

Deadpool tells him how he’d ended up in the Naruto verse, how he’s had a great time, and met a very pretty lady who’s been his handler. He tells Wolverine how it’s a world ran by assassins with mutant powers, and it’s fucking great and there’s unlimited Japanese takeout everywhere.

Deadpool, smiling and proud: “And they love me here!”

The villagers and shinobi blanch, having been around for the mayhem and chaos and meddling, and someone calls out: “Take him home!”

Kakashi finally steps forward and addresses the two: “While we appreciate your services to the village, Mr. Wilson, I think it’s time you return to your dimension with your friend.”

Deadpool deflates, thinking of how he was happy there and even though no one else accepted him, Sakura did…after putting a fist through his chest and experimenting on him, of course. And the sex was hot, hot as fuck.

He takes off his mask, showing his healed face and head full of hair.

Anko whistles low, pressing a hand to her chest: “Oh yeah, I’m definitely having a wet dream tonight.”

Deadpool turns to her, touched: “Thank you, crazy snake lady, that means so much to me.”

Wolverine grabs him by the shoulder, exasperated: “Let’s fucking go, idiot. The Time Slider’s battery is almost dead.”

Deadpool turns to him, disappointed: “You forgot to charge it?!”

Wolverine: “I didn’t know it was rechargeable!”

Sakura steps forward, sad smile on her lips. He was an absolute menace and lunatic, probably shared a brain cell with Naruto on a good day, and defied all logic; but he was fun, the most fun she’s ever had, and she’ll miss him.

“Well, I guess this is it, Wade,” she says, looking up into his quite vulnerable face. He reminds her of Kakashi, with the way he uses the mask to hide from the world. “It’s been fun and I really enjoyed your company.”

Wolverine turns to Wade, incredulous and suspicious: “Did you drug her?”

Wade’s offended: “Must you always think the worst of me?”

Wolverine, Kakashi, Naruto, Sasuke: “Yes.”

Wade and Sakura share a moment where he thanks her for reminding him what it was like to be happy. Sakura sadly explains that once he leaves, her work will come undone every time he’s injured and he’ll go back to what he once was.

He’s disappointed, of course, wanting so badly to look normal but who’s he but a tragic anti-hero in a world of violence and puns. If only a benevolent god would pity him and send him back sometimes, just to have one good thing every once in a while now that Vanessa and Wolvie are bumping uglies.

“I’ll miss you, Sakura,” he says, a little choked up and sounding like a pussy. “You were the best foster home I could have ever hoped for, and I am truly sorry for humping your leg.”

Sakura laughs and gives him a hug and a chaste kiss, surprising everyone. Most especially Wolverine, who thinks Sakura’s probably been knocked in the head a few too many times. “I’ll miss you too, Wade. Remember that you’re worth it.”

Deadpool, pulling his mask back on: “Fuck yeah, I love L’Oreal.”

Sakura, tightening her arms around him and cracking a rib: “I don’t know what that means.”

After their heartfelt goodbye, Wolverine sets the Time Slider and drags Deadpool along with him, who’s throwing kisses and waving to the crowd of villagers, to the other side.

The portal disappears and Sakura deflates, already missing his mouth and surprisingly, the endless vocalization of intrusive thoughts. Ino saddles up next to her, “So, did ya fuck him?”

Sakura simply looks at her. Ino nods pleasantly, “Yeah, I would have too. That costume and mask combo was somehow so fucking hot, and his thighs!”

Sakura giggles conspiratorially, “I know!”

And if a benevolent god takes mercy on Wade and breaks the Time Slider so that it’s permanently set to the Naruto Verse, making it so he can return to Sakura for healings and good dicking downs, well…it’s an alternate universe with plot holes, who are they to complain?