#he basically abandoned me and put me in so much danger

[panlight]

Tbh I've always thought that what really fucked Bella up in New Moon was the fact that Edward took all of her photos of him and left her without any evidence that he really even existed. And the Cullen leaving just felt like part of that. If they'd stayed but he still took her stuff, she probably would've done better, but if they left and she had her stuff, she also probably would've done better.

Like, in Twilight, Bella did almost die. She brushes it off but I wish New Moon had delved more into how traumatic that would've been, like instead of having nightmares about aging, she could've been having nightmares about James, and how fragile she is as a human. And everyone except for the Cullen think that she just fell down a flight of stairs, scary but not traumatizing. So when the cullens left, everyone that knew the truth was gone, and anyone she could be honest with was gone. Which isn't on them but it seems a little irresponsible, like it's against the law to tell humans the truth so we are going to leave the one human we told alone and never check in on her and make sure she isn't a) losing her mind or b) telling other people. If they owe her anything, they don't owe it to her as Edward's ex-girlfriend, they owe it her as someone that Edward and Alice brought into their world and endangered.

Aside from that, though, the fact that Edward took any trace of him meant that not only could she not be honest with anyone around her, she can't grieve the relationship properly and also she has no *tangible* evidence that he wasn't human. At least in photos you could see the paleness and the eyes. All she has is the scar James' left, which is probably wrapped in its own traumatic memories. If you had to lie to everyone around you for 6ish months, then the only people you could tell the truth to disappear and the only "evidence" you have of the truth also disappears, and you *still* have to lie to everyone around you, wouldn't you lose it a little bit? Wouldn't you start to wonder if you hallucinated the whole thing?

Like, when she sees Laurent, she's actually excited at first. Here is evidence that I did almost die in Phoenix! Here is someone I can be honest with! Here is proof that I'm not crazy! Seeing Laurent isn't painful for her the way that thinking about Edward is, she doesn't try to avoid him or have a panic attack at first.

To me, Bella's depression in new moon wasn't just about the break-up. It was also about how knowing about vampires isolated her from her human friends and family, and when the vampires left, she was alone. There were too many secrets between her and other humans for them to have normal relationships with them. Even if the cullens stayed and she avoided them, at least she knows it was real.

She's also in more danger from other vampires for the rest of her life because she knows, because anyone could come across her and say "shoot, she puts us in danger of exposure, gotta kill her I guess."

Still, I feel like people pay too much attention to the question "hey, is it messed up or not that the cullens left?" and not "hey, is it messed up or not that Edward basically stole Bella's things when he left?"

Yeah this makes sense to me. How being cut off from the vampire world and not having any proof it was even real would mess with someone. Not being able to talk honestly about what you've been through with someone. Edward is trying for a 'clean break' but in doing so removes the proof that he and the whole family was real.

What I never got about the 'abandoned' argument was like "how could Esme and Carlisle abandon their daughter!" because I just did not read their relationship like that. That birthday party in New Moon did not read to me as a family celebrating one of their own; it read as a family trying to be welcoming to a family member's newish partner. They like her. They care about her. But they don't know her that well yet and she doesn't know them that well yet. That conversation she had with Carlisle over stitches is not a conversation you have with your dad or even with your father-in-law; it's a conversation you have with someone you're still getting to know. She's asking him like, really basic stuff about the whole vegetarian thing. At this point in the story she doesn't even know Rosalie and Jasper's backstories yet. She doesn't seem to ever learn Esme's full story. Canonically, Emmett and Rosalie had been in Africa; Bella says at the birthday part it's been months since she's seen them. She and Edward have only been dating for six months, which is a long time for a high school kid, but it's literally nothing for immortal vampires.

The sense I got from New Moon was that the Cullens were still trying to figure out how this was going to end with Edward and Bella. And we learn from Midnight Sun he was planning to leave all along. I feel like Bella thought this was permanent and the "future, the family" she had chosen, but I don't think the Cullens were looking at it the same way. No one was using the word 'mate' in canon; Edward and Bella were not engaged, there was no plan to make her a vampire. Everything was still in limbo. I think Bella loved the idea of being part of this big family but I don't think she really knew them as individuals yet except Edward and Alice (even Emmett, again canonically, was not around that summer to bond with).

Obviously everyone has different headcanons, but there's roughly where mine is. I'm sure they were sorry to leave and that, other than Rosalie, they liked her, but I think they already had a sense that this arrangement between Edward and Bella might not, could not, last. I don't feel like they thought they were leaving behind a family member, just a could-have-been family member. She's like Bree Tanner in Eclipse; they would have happily taken her in. But they hadn't yet and they can't like, force Edward to keep dating her.

But yeah I think the disorientation of having no evidence (except the stereo; she clawed that out of the dashboard herself, didn't she?) and having no one to talk about it with is the real issue; THAT would take a toll on anyone's mental health even without the break up. I just didn't feel like she actually cared that much about the Cullens beyond that; hence the Scenario 2 the other day where Edward stayed but everyone else left. I think she'd feel guilty that she separated Edward from his family but that would be it. If she had Edward, she wouldn't be super bothered to not have the others around.

[vaguely-concerned]

thinking about not only the specific people lucanis pulls in to represent the 'locks' in his psyche, but the storytelling that happens in the structure/order of them. the underlying ideas are presented something like:

the lucanis who went into the ossuary never came back out again; he died down there (the boy caterina raised is gone forever) -> you're putting yourself in danger doing this (by being close to me), you should leave because I can't bear it if you get hurt because of me -> it doesn't matter even if we do try this, it won't work anyway (again because of me) ('you know what he's like, you can open the door but he won't walk through it' :'( oofie doofie) -> what if the real secret is that there was never anything but the monster in here from the beginning. you should leave, there was never anything here worth saving in the first place. (implicitly: what if I deserved what happened, all along.)

it runs pretty cleanly from outward-oriented attachment anxiety ('caterina won't even want me back like this, she won't recognize me (the same way I no longer recognize myself)) and gradually deeper inwards until we reach self-image and self worth. or you know, the harrowing basic lack of it lol.

"careful -- they'll know we're not right," spite says in one of their first scenes... but clearly, some very deep part of lucanis has feared or suspected for much longer than that that there's something inherently not right at the core of him, way before any demon entered the picture. and the voice he gives those lines to is the person who should know him better than anyone in the world, who he has loved more than anyone in the world -- and who deliberately chose to hurt him so horrifically anyway. 'It's better if I'm just a monster and deserved what happened than it is to allow for the idea that the brother I love doesn't really exist and maybe never did'. it's better if he's fundamentally flawed in some way that needed fixing to help him survive, and that's why caterina chose to hurt him again and again -- out of love. (this one I think he might have a very sad wakeup call on one day if he ever ends up with the responsibility and care of a child of his own in some way and realizes just how alien the idea of ever intentionally hurting them for any reason is to him. oh buddy. also interesting that he keeps caterina as the outermost lock -- there IS a distance he keeps there that he hasn't with illario. he doesn't resent her 'anymore' he says, but he also keeps her carefully further away from his deepest self.)

as far as I could tell the only note in the mind prison that's fully hidden and needs to be uncovered is the sad painful helpless stupid little truth that even after all this, even knowing what happened... he still loves his brother. is there anything illario could ever do that would make lucanis completely stop loving him, do you think? sometimes the trouble with unconditional love is that it is, well. unconditional, even when some terms and conditions probably would have been in order haha.

that's the pattern you see there again and again; he would rather destroy and abandon and imprison himself at every turn than let go of love, even when it's just scraps, even when there's only ever enough of it to hurt him. it's only when rook shows up and as it were takes his hand and walks along with him that he can entertain the idea of changing the story of what walking out the door might mean in the end.

[hazbinwhoree]

Adam x F!Reader Smut

You’re a child of a demon and a human, considered dangerous by Heaven despite you not even knowing how to use your powers and just living a normal human life. Adam was tasked with keeping an eye on you, and months in your unspoken attraction for one another boils over.

For all my bitches as depraved as me.

Requests open

Adam had never wanted a woman so badly in his life. Well, except maybe Lilith. But not even Eve had driven him this mad.

It was late one night and he was watching (Name) sleep. Totally not a creep. (Name) twitched in her sleep. She made a small noise and Adam came to hover over her bed, half checking on her and half just being nosey.

“Mm,” (Name) mumbled something incoherent. Adam leaned over her. “Adam,” she moaned softly in her sleep. “Adam~”

Adam was both taken aback and thrilled. Was she dreaming about him? In a naughty way? Adam grinned, sharp teeth glinting in the moonlight.

He climbed onto the bed positioning himself over her, and woke her up. (Name) gasped when she registered Adam basically pinning her down without touching her. He was so close.

(Name)’s thighs rubbed together. “Were you dreaming about me, babe?” Adam teased. “Tell me, what was I doing to you in that dream~?”

(Name) blushed, looking embarrassed. “It was nothing!”

“Well you were moaning my name so it doesn’t seem like nothing.”

(Name) pulled the covers up to her face. Adam yanked them back down. “Don’t be embarrassed, doll, it was hot.” His eyes hungrily roamed down her body and (Name) felt heat in her core at his gaze. Adam leaned back on his knees to shed his coat, before leaning back over (Name) and lowering himself so their chests touched.

“Do you want this?” He was uncharacteristically quiet. “Yes,” (Name) mumbled, biting her lip. Adam put a stop to that with his lips on hers, his tongue pushing into her mouth. With his knee he nudged her thighs apart and settled between them, rubbing his erection against her crotch.

“Adam,” (Name) moaned more coherently. Adam pulled back and began attacking her neck, biting and sucking his marks onto her. (Name) tried to push his head back, the sensations becoming almost overwhelming, but Adam didn’t budge, instead he grabbed her wrists and pinned her hands tightly above her head.

(Name) gasped, hips bucking up and pressing Adam’s hard-on roughly against her core. Adam groaned, growing desperate. He’d wanted this for so long.

Well, not really considering how many years of existence he had under his belt, but it felt like forever.

He pulled off of her neck an released her wrists for just a moment to pull her shirt over her head, and pull down her shorts. He knew for a fact she didn’t sleep with panties. Dirty girl~ But it only served to benefit him.

He yanked down his pants and boxers, kicking them off unceremoniously before climbing back on top of (Name).

With both of them now naked, (Name) got embarassed again, covering her eyes with her hand. Adam grabbed her wrists and pinned her hands above her head again. His other hand fondled her breasts, going back and forth between the two while kneading the flesh and tweaking her nipples.

He pressed himself between her legs, wanting desperately to penetrate her, but he could feel she wasn’t wet enough yet. His hand abandoned her chest and moved down to her pussy, swiping his thumb across her clit.

(Name) gasped, then moaned as Adam inserted two fingers. He leisurely pumped them in and out for a minute before adding a third finger to stretch her. “Fuck,” (Name) sighed. He pumped three fingers in and out of her much harder, hoping to prepare her for the brutal pace he would set as soon as he was inside of her.

“Adam, I need you,” she whined, and it was music to Adam’s ears. He figured he’d prepared her well enough. She’d told him once that she wasn’t a virgin so she should be fine.

He released her wrists to line himself up with her entrance before thrusting in all at once. (Name)’s back arched and her mouth opened but no sound came out.

Adam pinned her hands again, but this time he pinned each on either side of her head with his own hands, intertwining their fingers. Then he began pounding into her, not bothering to start slow. (Name) cried out, squeezing his hands.

He swallowed her sounds with his mouth on hers to keep her quiet. His hips snapped against hers as he roughly thrust, the sound of skin on skin and muffled moans breaching the silence of the quiet room.

Adam released one of her hands and she immediately grabbed onto one of his horns with it. He snuck his now free hand between their bodies to pinch her clit, making (Name)’s back arch again.

Unlike how he felt for the many women he’d banged, he actually cared to make (Name) cum.

She was immediately getting close as soon as he started giving her clit attention, Adam could tell by the way she shook and spasmed around him.

“Cum for me, baby, let go,” he coaxed. “Cum on my cock.”

His unholy talk sent (Name) over the edge, and she came with a muffled shout, squeezing around Adam so tightly that he came quickly after. He buried himself as deep as he could go when he came, painting her insides white.

“Gonna put a triple hybrid baby in you.”

(Name) shuddered.

“Hah!” Adam laughed, still inside of her. “Told you I’m the Dickmaster.”

(Name) rolled her eyes. “Pull out, Adam.”

Adam obliged, snickering when his cum dripped down her inner thigh. He collapsed on top of her and (Name) grunted from his weight. He shifted until his weight was comfortably spread, burying his face in her neck. He kissed a hickey he’d made, admiring his work.

“That was great, sugar tits.”

“Ehh…”

Adam braced himself above her on his elbows, an indignant look on his face.

“The fuck you mean ‘eh��?”

(Name) rolled her eyes. “Fine, it was enjoyable.”

“A bit more than enjoyable if your orgasm was anything to go by,” Adam teased. He cuddled back into the crook of her neck, slipping both of his arms under her back and holding her close.

“I do care about you, you know,” he admitted quietly.

“…I know.”

[zombiigrll]

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MY ANGEL. ⋆｡°✩ carl grimes x reader .ᐟ WORD COUNT .ᐟ ⭑ 2K ꩜ .ᐟ WARNINGS ⭑ hurt to comfort, use of y/n, near-death experience (reader), blood, basic zombie apocalypse stuff !! .ᐟ SUMMARY .ᐟ ⭑ you and carl go out on a dangerous run. ꩜ .ᐟ A/N .ᐟ ⭑ this may be a bit inspired by the last of us... barely but you can definitely smell it!!! you could also say it was partially inspired by 9x4 maybe.. anyways i wanted to get a oneshot out before i started posting my series :3 hope you guys enjoyyyy!!

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you'd spent basically your whole life in the walls of woodbury. the first time you started seeing the outside world was after woodbury had fallen.

you were aware of the dangers of the new world, but you were protected. until, of course, you weren't.

you were taken in by ricks group, and ever since then, you'd been learning how to defend yourself. although, you weren't the best at it. you were out of shape, anxious, and well... very clumsy. and those were all apparent before you were helping outside of walls.

but carl helped. he wouldn't let you go out without him. even if his father, michonne, glenn, or anyone was with you, he had to be there too.

the two of you hadn't realized that you two were so close because you had feelings for one another. but, once you guys landed in alexandria, it was visible to everyone that you guys had found yourselves taking a larger interest in one another.

he always made sure that you were safe, even in places you two trusted to be safe. he checked on you as often as he could. he didn't even like you going on runs, he'd make sure that you could enjoy the safety of alexandria as much as possible.

but you were still set out on runs, of course. carl went with on every single one, too.

you two were set on to head out on a pretty dangerous run. one that carl begged for you not to go on, but to no avail. the only part about it that made him feel better was that he was able to come with you.

this run was different from the others you'd been on. you always went on runs with a group of 4 at least, but it was just you and carl on this one. you were sure that was why he was so anxious.

you guys were set on a run to an abandoned mall. from what you'd heard, they've tried to clear the mall before, but there were too many walkers out. they cleared most of it, but they wanted to send you and carl out to clear the rest. despite your inexperience, you were quite a good shot. that's why you were put out on so many runs recently.

you stepped out of the car, putting your backpack around you and holstering your gun.

"are you sure you're okay with doing this?" carl asked, walking over to your side. "we can go back, it's not too late-"

"i got this, carl." you smiled at him, putting your hand up to his hair to comfort him. "it'll be fine. you're my angel, you always protect me. we'll just be in and out."

he put his hand over yours and grinned. despite his anxieties, you always managed to make him feel better. "alright. if anything happens, we'll go back though."

"of course." you nodded understandingly. you intertwined your fingers together with his and began walking toward the mall.

the mall seemed more cleared out than they expressed, which you didn't think much of. carl pointed it out, however.

"they said this place would still be swarming with walkers." he took his gun out, letting it rest in his hands as he walked forwards. "keep an eye out."

you nodded, taking your gun out as well.

the two of you examined the area, taking out a few remaining walkers as you walked around. the shops you guys entered were mostly cleared out, except for a few things.

"do you think someone's here?" you turned back over to carl, who was searching frantically for anything.

"probably, or there was. there's nothing here." he throws down an empty jar of food and sits back up. "we should probably head out-"

*BANG!*

"get down!" carl pulls your hand down as he throws himself behind a counter. "did you get hit?" his voice is lower as he holds your face. you simply respond by shaking your head, your eyes widening.

"we have more people than you!" the man yelled as he began entering the store. "just come on out!"

you held your gun tightly, turning and quickly shooting the man in the head.

you sat there in shock for a moment, until carl grabbed you and pulled you back up. "let's go!"

the moment you guys stepped outside of the store, there were instant shots fired around you. you dove behind a flipped over table, but carl hid behind something on the other side of you. it was too dangerous for one of you to run over to the other, so you gave him a confident nod.

the men were yelling at the two of you, calling you guys names and trying to get you two to come out. they were up on the second story of the mall, at the edge of the balcony.

there was lots of fallen debris on the ground, sharp objects and everything you could think of that could make this run even more difficult than it needed to be.

carl tried shooting at the guys, and the men were mostly focused on him.

you took this as your opportunity to make your way upstairs. you saw carl give you a worried look as he realized what you were doing, but you kept going. it was too dangerous to stop.

luckily, the guys were still focused on carl and you were able to make your way up the steps.

you walked up behind the guys, your gun in one hand and knife in the other. your plan being to shoot one and stab the other simultaneously. as you got closer, you stood up. but, there was another man. he bolted towards you, pushing you up against the edge of the balcony, making you drop your knife and gun in a panic.

"fuck!" you tried pushing him away as his forearm laid firmly against your throat. but you weren't stronger than him, being a teenager and all.

you closed your eyes tightly as his arm pushed harder onto your neck, still trying to push him. when all the sudden, you felt the balcony crumble on your back. you felt yourself falling, but you didn't have time to react before you felt a sharp pain through your side.

you heard a loud ringing in your ears. you couldn't feel anything. you looked around, but everything looked blurry. you could vaguely spot the man who was just choking you moments before on the ground next to you dead, a pool of his blood forming beneath him.

"she's dead, focus the boy!" was the only thing you could make out through the ringing.

'am i really dead?' you thought, looking around. you thought it could be true, because due to the shock you really couldn't feel anything.

you looked down, spotting a metal rod through your side. you reach for it, but you fell back as a long, burning pain shot through your body. that's what made you realize you were still alive.

the men above still hadn't noticed, they were continuing to shoot at carl.

tears began flooding your eyes as the pain started become more and more apparent. "carl..." your head fell back as you attempted to look for him

you heard gunshots, very quick ones. then everything was silent. you heard footsteps running towards you.

"y/n? oh, my god." you saw carls blurry figure over you. "no, no, no, no.. y/n.."

you put your hand where the pain was, feeling the blood leak onto them. "i'm... bleeding..?" you were disoriented. you knew what was happening, but at the same time it felt like it was coming at you in sections.

"i've got you." carl walks over to your side, examining what had happened. "i have to pull you out." he says, his voice panicked. he brings his hand down to hold your blood-stained one. "it's going to hurt. please, trust me."

you nod, and before you knew it, the pain got sharper. you screamed loudly as you fell onto carl. he held you tightly, and you could feel his heart beating out of his chest.

he lays you back down, and you could spot your blood on his clothes. he removes his flannel and rips one of the sleeve off. "it's gonna be okay. i.. i promise. i'm gonna try and patch you up." he wraps the sleeve around your side tightly, causing you to yelp out in pain again. "sorry, i know it hurts. you're doing good."

he picks you up, running out of the mall and back to the car as fast as possible. he mutters under his breath, saying 'i love you' and 'you'll be okay' in an attempt to calm you down, but also calm himself down.

he lays you down in the back seat of the car, leaving a kiss on your cold forehead before he jumps into the drivers seat and begins speeding back to alexandria.

"carl.." you quietly mumble, your voice hoarse. "i love you.."

"i love you, too." his voice is shaken. he runs a hand through his hair.

then everything went black.

...

you guys were lucky that alexandria was close to that mall. carl got you back to alexandria almost instantly after you blacked out.

he didn't even bother to park the car properly. he parked it on the side next to the gate and screamed for them to open up as he took you out of the back seat.

they opened the gates and he ran to the infirmary with you in his arms.

you were out for almost the whole day. they didn't think you were going to wake up. you weren't a very strong person, physically. there had been times in the past where you'd gotten injured and been bedridden for weeks because of it. but around midnight, you finally woke up.

carl didn't notice at first. his head was laying on the bed and his hand was holding yours. there were other people in the room. the nurse, rick, glenn, and maggie. glenn and maggie were chatting quietly while the others were resting.

you opened your eyes, but the pain from your wound quickly returned. you shot up, grabbing your side tightly with a yelp, which woke everyone up.

"fuck.." you gasped, throwing your head back on the pillow and shutting your eyes tightly.

"oh, my god." carl hugs you tightly, but carefully to not hurt you again. "i thought you were gonna die. you were so close to dying.. i'm so sorry."

you lifted your hand up to the back of his head, resting yours on his. "don't be sorry. you saved me." you smiled weakly.

"i should've kept you by my side. this is all my fault." you hear his voice break. he moves his hand up to your hair, running his hand through it.

"quit blaming yourself. if it wasn't for you, i would've still been on that pole, bleeding out to death." you pushed him away so you could look at his face. there were tears forming in his eye and he was shaking. "hey.. remember, you're my angel, right?"

he nods, a somber smile forming on his face as he tucks your hair behind your ear. "always."

you looked down and you spotted a bandage across his shoulder that had been bled through. you grabbed his arm, a bit below his shoulder so you could get a better look without hurting him. "did you get shot?" you asked, your expression softening.

he nods with a chuckle. "yeah.. i didn't notice until they finished patching you up. i think it happened right after you fell. i freaked out. i didn't think, i just started shooting at them."

"carl.." you move your hand back up to his face, tucking a piece of his hair behind his ear. you more your hand to the back of his head and move him to lay on your chest, hugging him. "thank you. so much." your voice cracked.

he moved his arms up to hug you back. "of course. i'd do anything for you, you know that right?" you could feel his smiling forming. "no matter what."

"i'd do anything for you, too." you kissed the top of his head before resting your head on his. "no matter what."

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[invinciblerodent]

btw yes, I'm also still stuck thinking about how in the cutscene at the start of the attack of Astarion's siblings, Astarion himself is standing right next to your bed.

Every time that scene is mentioned or brought up on my dash, I just keep thinking about how the bed the PC is shown using in the long rests (which seems to me like the top left one as you enter that side-room), and the one in which he's presumably been resting, are basically on the very opposite ends of the room.

like... sure, it already has me scratching at the walls to think about how, when unromanced, he probably felt something was wrong and went immediately to wake you and let you know (trust!!! friendship!!!), but it has me extra feral to think that he had abandoned the bed he had originally claimed in favor of yours, and was sprung from his lover's embrace by the arrival of his siblings. (Because you can't talk about cuddling, and cuddliness, and call yourself "cuddly Astarion" in the same scene, without actually cuddling sometimes lol.)

I kind of like to imagine that even on top of it being self-defense, springing to his feet so fast, there could also be something instinctively protective in the fact that he so quickly puts his own body between you and danger.

I mean,

right before the camera would focus on him, he's bent forward, snarling at them to get away, coiled to strike even unarmed (well. as unarmed as a vampire can be), and only relaxes into the conversation-pose when you stir, and Aurelia speaks.

And like, that doesn't feel like a conscious action, or even much of a purposeful decision from a mechanic standpoint (most likely the devs needed him to stand there-ish for there to be enough room for the PC to get up, and stand next to him for the conversation's camera angles to make sense), but I do like to imagine that at this point in the relationship, he just... acts without thinking, and puts himself into the more dangerous position on instinct. It lines up very nicely with that sweet, rather earnest line he says in the Wyrm's Lookout scene. (PC: "All that matters to me is that you're safe." Astarion: "I know you do. It matters to me, as well. I want to be able to protect you, too.")

... The rest of his "this is for us, this is to protect you, we're a team" lines are of course calculated, manipulative bullshit, and taking them at face value would be a mistake even if there is a kernel of truth at their core, but I think that one is genuine, and it's corroborated by this unthinking jump to your defense.

[lala-blahblah]

Character flaws that would have been more compelling for Will to have to overcome in TSATS instead of "uh oh my boyfriend is a little bit edgy and that came as an unexpected shock to me even though he wears black and has emo bangs":

Struggling with setting boundaries and being honest when things bother him. As a healer he always has to put other people first, it would be interesting to see him approaching a relationship the same way where he feels the instinct to put Nico's feelings and wellbeing above his own, following him into Tartarus even though it is extra hard for him as a child of Apollo to be down there. It feels so much more authentic for Will to keep quiet about his negative thoughts rather than to blurt out all these criticisms about the underworld. And then Nico could feel hurt that he's hiding something from him for the drama, and Will could grow by allowing himself to communicate better even if he has negative things he wants to talk about

Fear of abandonment but ground it more with his real experiences instead of him just randomly panicking about Nico leaving him behind. Michael and Lee both died and left him alone after he got close with them. His dad was generally distant his whole life, he finally got to spend time with him but only under dangerous circumstances and all too soon hes gone again. Will's mom was the only constant in his life but after monsters started attacking he had to live at camp away from her for most of the year. This results in generalized superstition and anxiety that every time he has a good thing the universe takes it away from him, maybe it makes it harder for him to allow himself to get attached in a deeper way. It would be interesting to see him being the one that was more upfront with his emotions and about liking Nico at the beginning, but as their relationship goes on he struggles with more serious things like saying I love you or imagining a future together because he feels like once he does it will be taken away.

Flip the TSATS struggle on it's head and have Will secretly be very into all the dark underworld stuff but feel like he has to repress that because it's weird and people judge him. Being a healer is already a little dark and intense, I feel like Will wouldn't be scared of the undead but somewhat fascinated. Like you're telling me he wouldn't love to examine a walking skeleton and see how the bones move and connect? Growing up as a son of Apollo everyone expected him to be sunshiney and positive and so he tried to hide his weirder interests but oh my GOD he has so many questions for Nico about underworld magic and it's so hard to play it off. You could still emphasize the yin and yang of Nico having lightness and Will having darkness but make it feel less judgemental to Nico this time

Basically I just take it as a personal offense that Will would ever be critical of Nico's sarcasm and grunge aesthetics. HE'S INTO IT!!! HE HAS A THING FOR EDGY MEN OK!!! THIS IS THE GUY WHO SAID HE WOULD GO ON A DATE WITH DARTH VADER just you TRY and tell me that prequels Anakin was not his bi awakening and the blueprint for all his future crushes.

[ddollfface]

Can I please request a Yandere Hanayama Kaoru head canon?

𝐀 𝐒𝐥𝐞𝐞𝐩𝐥𝐞𝐬𝐬 𝐃𝐫𝐞𝐚𝐦

𝙆𝙖𝙤𝙧𝙪 𝙃𝙖𝙣𝙖𝙮𝙖𝙢𝙖 𝙔𝙖𝙣𝙙𝙚𝙧𝙚 𝙃𝙚𝙖𝙙𝙘𝙖𝙣𝙤𝙣

Warnings; reader is afab/described a girl, yandere behaviors, stalking, I talk a lot, lots of ramblings, probably doesn't make any sense, bad writing, more stalking, Tumblr is trying to silence me, ngl Hanayama is growing on me... If I missed anything, then please let me know ♡ Bro, I'm so sorry that this is super rushed, seeing as I hit the word limit??? I'm super confused because I barely wrote anything, but whatever. A lot of my headcanons are based around @yandere-writer-momo. Also, sorry for being offline for so long lol, kinda forgot I had Tumblr ngl :/

Okay, to start this off, I think that realistically, it'd be very, very, very hard to get Hanayama's attention. He's shown to be stoic and stone-faced, only showing respect and warmth toward specific people (Baki and Shiba included). And I think it's important to mention that the people he does respect is due to their fighting spirit and/or strength, that or they were there during his childhood (like Kizaki and his mama).

And that's just for him to show basic affection toward them, not even accounting for being loving. For you to catch his attention, I think that you'd have to be either a really strong fighter (meaning having impressive skills of some sort) or have a strong will, either one will work. (Though, a lot of the time, both go hand-in-hand).

When I say a strong will, I don't mean you get up after being punched over and over, instead, it can just be standing up for others. Similar to Katsumi, I can see Hanayama being attracted to a person who's selfless, in the sense that they're brave. Someone who's willing to push through their fear and do it, whatever it is. Now, that catches his attention.

There's a never-ending list of cowards who'll run with their tails between their legs at the sight of discomfort, willing to abandon everything just for their own gain, and Hanayama encounters these men all the time. Let's just say that it gets boring, annoying even. So when you see someone who's spitfire, ready to jump into danger for themselves or others. Now, that's impressive.

Whether or not they can actually carry through doesn't matter too much, it's the fact that they got back up, not letting their dignity lay to rest. Personally, I find that Hanayama would be far more interested in someone who's genuinely acting selfless in this way, acting from the heart.

Going more into his childhood, I think this type is rooted in Hanayma's relationship with his mother. Though I haven't read the manga, from the wiki, I've gained that he was close to his mother, loving her very much. We don't know much about her. Hell, we don't even know her name, but we do know that she was kind.

That's the only information we're given, but even from that, I can make an analysis. From this, I know that Hanayama was likely a Mama's boy, though still being trained to be a Yakuta. I don't mean Mama's boy in the traditional sense, I mean it in the way that she was his peace, his way out of the Yukuta world, his destiny. Being raised in a gangster lifestyle isn't easy, nor is it soft, so just imagine the damage that type of environment can put on a child's brain?

Horrible, huh? So I like to think that Hanayama's mama, before she passed, was far softer to him, giving him some sense of security. this is possibly why he felt such sorrow after she passed, discarding the natural pain we feel when our mama dies (seeing as there's a primal connection we have with our mama, but that doesn't matter too much at the moment).

Hanayama is a very monotone kind of guy, who, I imagine, doesn't like people with some type of alternate motive. Like, y'know how politicians or businessmen talk? Like they're hiding something from you? Yeah, Hanayama loathes those kinds of people, especially if they're trying to pursue him. I belive that he wants someone who'll keep his life steady; be his calm, if you will.

He wants someone who will be upfront, express themselves clearly, and won't keep what they're thinking from you. To him, this is a breath of fresh air. Hanayama is constantly surrounded by lackeys trying to kiss up to him, speaking with a hidden motive (which isn't really hidden in retrospect). If they're not trying to appease them, then they're quacking in their boots, ready to piss themselves.

But you're not like that, no, not at all. You're different. Hanayama can tell, you aren't some coward, instead, you're someone to respect. He can imagine you sitting next to him, all pretty as a Yakuza's wife. Yeah, he likes the sound of that. Well, the only problem is that you don't know who he is, not yet at least.

I imagine that you wouldn't know who Hanayama is, at first, seeing as he never spoke to you. He likely witnessed you acting selfless in some type of way, expressing your kindness by helping a grandma get across the street, something like that.

You didn't notice him, but he sure noticed you. At first, it wasn't anything too special. Hanayama just found you interesting, wanting to see what you'd do next, so he had one or two of his men keep a tab on you--nothing serious. It continues like that for quite a while, and Hanayama learns more and more about you. He knows that you like to sing when you cook, tapping your feet to the beat, and swaying side-to-side. It's cute, he thinks. And Hanayama feels closer to you, as if you know each other, like you're friends.

But then one of his men reports that you're not at home, not following your usual schedule. Instead, you were at some dingy cafe, drinking crappy coffee with another man, some slumbag who looked like he hadn't showered in a hot second. For some reason, which Hanayama doesn't know, he gets ticked off.

Someone as sweet, kind, and damn pretty as you shouldn't associate with someone like him, someone so gross.

He doesn't do anything, no, no yet. It'd be too brash, and too stupid. And Hanayama isn't stupid. No, Hanayama can keep himself composed, now knowing that he needs to get your attention. Afterall, he can't have you running around with other men, not when he's right here! Well... you don't know that, yet.

Few weeks pass, and you've completely forgotten the trashy date you had gone on, but Hanayama hasn't. You begin to notice new outfits appearing in your closet, clothing you certainly didn't have previously. They're far too expensive, too revealing for you to own.

You'll be confused, especially when these dresses, heels, and coats are no longer just appearing, but instead, being presented. Now, instead of being hung up or nicely folded in your closet, they're being laid out on your bed, accompanied by a pretty, black leather box with silk insides. A little note is stuck on top of the shimmering dress, causing you to gulp, looking around as a shiver racks through your body.

Who the hell is buying you a dress? (though, it looks far more like lingerie, seeing as you'd never be able to wear it out in public). You don't know, but you can't help but feel the heat rise to your cheeks as you lift the velvet cloth, feeling the lace slip through your fingers. Once you tried it on, listen, you couldn't help but feel curious, you gawked at how it fit you like a glove, hugging your curves, and accentuating your hips and bust.

It's fucking creepy, that's all you can think, but it gets worse, way worse. Throughout the weeks, you notice more and more gifts show up at your doorstep. The dresses get severely revealing, much to your discomfort. So do the notes. They get too detailed and too accurate to your day-to-day. By now, it's clear that you have a stalker, a rich one at that.

I'd have to say that this is the worst part of being with Hanayama: the courting. It's hella weird! You'll never feel alone, always having someone watching you, mostly Hanayama. He doesn't have his lackeys watching you anymore, seeing as he's far too jealous for that. He doesn't want someone as low at them to see you in such an innocent, vulnerable state. No, that's only for him to see.

Don't be surprised when he shows up at your door, your last hookup's head in hand and a bundle of roses in the other. After all, it's time for you to come home, no?

[cartoonsinthemorning]

Please, I have so much love for your fem!stan, please tell me your thoughts about fem!mulletstan, or fem!drifterstan. I once read a fanfic where Filbrick kicking out Stan was just a scare tactic, I imagine he’d have the same sentiment for a female Stan as well, but he’s too prideful to go get his little girl after it backfires and she doesn’t come back home.

Meanwhile, Stan’s determined to prove she’s just as capable as any boy after years of being undermined for being born a girl! Even so, she’s not above using her feminine wiles to sling her FDA acknowledged merchandise, after all sex sells. Eventually she soon realizes that sex does indeed sell.

OOOHH Anon, tesoro, SAPESSI! You have no idea how happy your messages makes me, because you’re enabling me to YAP about my favorite topic, that I’ve been thinking about A LOT. Thank you so much! WARNING: Stancest is ALWAYS implied/established in my musings. The following lucubrations are no exception. In general, I think fem!Stan would get punished way less harshly than his canon male counterpart. Not that she’s coddled or untouchable- Constance would get hit occasionally, if she acts way out of the line, by both parents. But, I personally don’t think kicking her out would ever be a thing- not even as a threat: Given the time period/culture, the (horrible) assumption that throwing a teen boy out would not only be a punishment, but also a formative experience of sort- to make him self-sufficient- would NEVER be expected to apply to a girl. On the contrary: Constance would be perceived as someone that could NEVER be self-sufficient. Not only because she’s the “gentle sex”, but also because she’s a weird, off-putting dunce of a girl, unlikely to get picked by a wealthy enough- or even honest man that would take care and provide for her. If we were talking about a version of this universe where the machine accident happens like in canon, Constance would receive a slap across the face, as a punishment for what she did, and a particularly heated, demeaning tirade from Filbrick, imo. Now, that said--- I have two main favorite divergences, I’ve toyed with, for fem!Stan's future:

1) A version where Constance did destroy Ford’s machine, on purpose, in a fit of anger, because she’s subconsciously trying to get kicked out: rationally, she is aware how hard and scary it would be to run away from home, and that her family would look for her. But, if they HATED her, not only they wouldn’t feel bad, they’d also take the very hard decision for her, of cutting her out. But, what happens is that- they DO act like they despise her- but still, they won’t kick her out! It’s an outcome so painful and so humiliating, it’s the final straw that makes Constance snap and run away- to basically become drifter!Stan. And, Ford’s resentment and hatred, in this version, not only comes from Stan taking away his chance to go to his ideal College, but also because she abandoned him! Off to live her indecent, dangerous life with some biker- probably- when if, had she been patient for a few years- had she truly loved him as she said- Ford would had been the one to provide for her- spoil her rotten, even. Like, this is a universe where Ford was THE only eldest son, with an implicit duty to be his sister’s protector, and if you add in he’s been in love with her, too… In the 10-years-later reunion, Ford would have this incel-like feeling of pain and humiliation- because his baby sister at his door is wearing a miniskirt, and her hair is cut so short, and it’s evident she’s not that innocent anymore. But still, as tired and battered by life as she is, Constance would still NOT be begging Ford to be her savior and mer-- and let him take care of her! [Complicated incestuous tension ensues].

Version number 2) Constance accidentally destroyed Ford’s machine, just like in canon- but doesn’t get kicked out and- since she’s a girl and Ford is more protective and softer, after some silent treatment, he forgives her. And actually, he uses what happened to his advantage, to coax Constance into following him to Backupsmore: "it’s gonna take him so much more time to become successful, now that he’s relegated to that college, meaning he and Stan would end up separated so much longer! She’d have to remain at Glass Shard Beach all alone, for ages! But.. if she followed him, she could get a job, a room apartment of her own, and… nobody would know them, over there. They could even date in secret." And, Constance would hesitate, because she dreads an unfulfilling future as her brother’s accessory, but also, she is in love with him, and she inevitably internalized part of the sexism she’s been subjected to for most of her life, so… she accepts. Even pumps herself up, gaslights herself into thinking it’s gonna be a fresh, exciting new start, away from her shitty small town. And indeed… Even if the twins enjoy the relative freedom of their romance, far from home, inevitably Constance feels unsatisfied, like she just switched the background, but she’s still working as a waitress, doing nothing she truly loves, or feels good at. That’s when I like to imagine she ends up messing it up big time, by joining an MLM or something, in attempt to find her own success lmao. AND, it’s complicated, because she does find out she is actually GOOD at selling shit to people. This is her true calling! But, the business was scummy as fuck- to an illegal degree- and she ends up arrested for the first time. And, escapes from prison for the first time. Stan is a chaotic disaster, impossible to contain, in every universe. To make it short, once again the story goes back to its tracks, and Ford and Stan separate dramatically. Now, this version actually had a VERY angsty ship-focused sub-divergent version with Fiddleford involved, and a very jealous Ford. But I don’t even know if you’d be interested in that, so I’ll stop here. ++++ I do love that part of your ask, about Stan realizing she can use her sex-appeal to her advantage... To imagine her seducing people into helping her/condoning her schemes is so fucking sexy~ I will think of a specific scenario, because damn.

[beanghostprincess]

TW // Suicidal behavior/tendencies

The ASL brothers deal with suicidal tendencies constantly in different ways and I find it so interesting how little the three of them value their lives for completely different reasons.

Ace is obvious from the very beginning. He has been constantly told that he shouldn't have existed. That he should die. That he is not worthy of living. His whole identity was a secret from the rest of the world because if they knew, they would want him dead. But he knows already that people want him dead, so, whatever. He can't take love from others. And it is not he is actively trying to kill himself but he doesn't value his life at all. At least not until he meets Sabo and Luffy. And he still doesn't value his life much, but he realizes there are people who want him alive. And it is hard for him to believe it, but they do. Ace's journey is a tragedy because he keeps asking himself if he should be alive, constantly fighting against it because he genuinely thinks he shouldn't have existed, and then dying in the arms of his little brother and thanking him for loving him. And he dies because he is too proud and stubborn and it was just obvious that his recklessness would end up killing him somehow. It was not a conscious action but-- Ace knew he was dying that day. Which is extremely sad because he realized he wanted to live seconds before he was killed.

Sabo is just too focused on saving the world. He puts the greater good before him constantly because he quite literally has never known any better. He joined the revs with no memories and no purpose and only hatred for the ones with power. He was raised with love and friends there but-- There is only so much you can do in a place where they teach kids specific ideals and what they should do. And Sabo is happy there and more than glad to be of service, but he doesn't value his life at all. He constantly puts himself in danger, ever since he was a kid, to fight for others. And not even others as 'specific people' but just society and his ideals as a whole. Like he would rather die and kill if that spreads the revolution around. He genuinely doesn't care about dying if he is able to help the cause. I mean-- I think it does change when he meets Luffy again (he is canonically still reckless af okay this is self-indulgent) and realizes he can't let his brother lose him again. But still, he keeps on not valuing his life at all and acting without thinking things through.

Luffy is quite obvious, isn't it? It's not that he doesn't value his life, but he values his life around others. He is a person whose core need is to be with people. He was left alone at a very young age. Dragon left him with Garp and Garp, aside from being an awful role model, wasn't even there much and left the kid alone. The only role model he had was Shanks and he was going away constantly too. Uta basically disappeared from his life out of the blue without explanation. So when he finds Sabo and Ace it is normal that he gets heavily attached to them right away. When he is kidnapped and tortured he doesn't say a word about their treasure because he doesn't want to get in between their dream which-- Is another story. He values people's dreams even above his own life too. But there is also this layer of "If I break the promise of not telling people they will not want me" and it is just-- Pretty fucking sad. Like. Luffy's need to be around people and not lose the ones he loves comes from abandonment issues. Plain and crystal clear. He puts his life in danger constantly to not lose people and when he is alone he doesn't see any reason to keep going. He always finds something, of course, but being alone for him is quite obviously worse than death and he has had those types of thoughts/tendencies before. That is why I love the Baron Omatsuri movie so damn much. It is basically this whole thing.

Ace and Sabo are pretty similar when it comes to not valuing their lives and acting recklessly, but Ace is more on the 'I should not be alive' side of suicidal thoughts and Sabo is more on the 'I don't care if I die' side of self-destructive tendencies. While Luffy is on the 'There is no point in living if I am alone' side of abandonment issues.

I don't mean to go anywhere with this, btw. I just find it interesting how the three of them value their lives so little and end up forming a little family together. They found comfort and love in each other and I think their damaging tendencies keep existing because they are not together anymore. Like. Genuinely. In a Modern AU where the three of them are together their mental health would be so much better because of being next to each other. Ace would struggle with his self-worth but would be constantly reminded every day that he is loved, Sabo would overwork himself but they'd keep him from it being actually damaging, and Luffy would just not be alone at all.

[merrinpippy]

on masks

so shockingly miracle mask has huge mask theming in like every aspect. basically every significant character is 'wearing' a mask literally or metaphorically, except for luke who remarks in ludmilla's costume shop that he doesn't think any of the masks suit him (since the events of the previous game luke can be authentically himself now.) this is fun to notice on its own, but there's more to be discussed than just the presence of masks.

every mask in miracle mask backfires on its wearer to some degree! the most obvious case of this is descole and the masked gentleman straight up underestimating their own mask/s and failing to see their plans to the end, and the resulting consequences. dalston and henry's masks of stoicism turn out to have kept them from years of friendship they could have enjoyed, and paint them both as suspects in the masked gentleman case. angela's aloof facade and distance from everyone around her allows her to be kidnapped for a significant portion of the game without anyone but the professor noticing (and even then, he notices that something's up with her, but chalks it up initially as not knowing her anymore). less obviously, emmy's mask only means she'll end up hurting the people she has come to care for even more when the time comes.

most interesting to me, though, is hershel! even as a teen he's remarkably reserved, though clearly passionate. he keeps himself very controlled, and seems to care very much about coming across to others as helpful, grounded, and 'normal'. the interests that we know he has he keeps locked up, literally hidden away in cupboards, not to be acknowledged aloud to himself or others. he never gets angry or ever really displays any stereotypical teen behaviours apart from awkwardness.

now what this means is he is treated as the reliable one who will nonetheless go along with whatever randall wants him to do. he's never particularly assertive (something he will learn to be as an adult) so his willingness is taken for granted. he's put in mortal danger in akbadain because it never occurs to randall that hershel's protests are anything more than for appearance's sake.

and when randall falls and hershel is alone, he yells! he falls to his knees, completely overcome. he cries. he pushes through. and when he reaches angela and henry, alone, covered in dirt, looking completely haunted... they don't even ask him if he's okay. angela bodily shakes him. in the past and present, nobody treats hershel as if he's been through something traumatic - to everyone else, he was either a bystander to or complicit in randall's death, but controlled, mild-mannered and rational hershel is never considered a victim in his own right even after years have passed for everyone to think on it. years after the fact angela apologises to hershel... when she realises she needs his help. and henry immediately accuses him of betraying randall's memory and abandoning him.

and to be clear this isn't me saying oh they're evil or whatever but it's significant that they acknowledge how the trauma affected them and their behaviour from that point forward but it doesn't occur to them that hershel's behaviour and life trajectory was also altered forever! because hershel has for his whole life masked so well that to everyone else he does not have an interior life that isn't puzzle solving.

and the absolute funniest thing about it is that when hershel confesses this all to emmy and luke.... it's immediately back to the investigation, "where do we go now professor!" i'm sure there's no reason to ask if hershel's okay, he's probably unaffected by all that, let's go! readers i laughed out loud. tfw you mask so well everyone forgets you're a person

[glimblshanks]

The Inner Fight recontextualizes so much about Lower Decks season 2 btw.

Like of course Mariner spends basically that whole season losing her absolute shit over Boimler leaving for the Titan. She wasn't actually upset about him abandoning her for a promotion. She was upset because her best friend was suddenly on a combat vessel, and more importantly, a combat vessel captained by one of the same commanding officers who sent Sito to die in Cardassian space (I know Riker himself wasn't super involved in that decision, but I think it's unlikely Mariner was actually given enough details about Sito's death to know that, ya feel me?)

So yeah, no, obviously she was acting unreasonably angry and not communicating about it well. Boimler being on the Titan was probably a living nightmare for her.

And then in Where Pleasant Fountains Lie she intentionally gets Brad reassigned from a dangerous mission because she doesn't think he can handle it. And yeah, maybe she really doesn't think he can handle it, but also he just got back from the Titan, and he's alive, and he's safe on the Cerritos with her again, and then suddenly he's getting assigned to go fight giant, deadly, centipedes??

Of course, she's gonna go behind his back to get him put on the safe, boring, transport mission with her instead. That makes perfect sense knowing what we now know about her trauma.

Like Mariner is truly going through it in season 2 in a way that isn't immediately evident without the context of Sito, and it really does take a rewatch to realize how smart the writing is on that.

[bean-in-dice]

A little Li Lun Character Analysis

Ok call me insane but I think Li Lun will really understand what Female Rage is.

Maybe I've seen way too much Gongdou dramas but think, he was a very untamed demon, as wild as he could get, quite unlike Zhu Yan who was a more humanized ape demon. Both due to his inherent nature as a tree and because he just didn't have much exposure to human world other than the TWO times he ventured to it, tagged along with Zhu Yan, and they were like what, at least a few centuries old already.

Imagine that! You are centuries old and the second time you come on a market date at mortal world, you see your own kind being tortured and held in captive in a dungeon! And the first external reaction of your bestie/love interest/charge who was the bridge between Wilderness and this suddenly horrific human world was to not show the same panic you did.

I would freak out too!

Now listen, I'm not defending that he killed unrelated innocent civilians. He did and it was wrong, even though his lash out was somewhat understandable when put to perspective.

And then what happened? He was quick to be given eternal jail time. Nobody even explicitly showed him concern about his severe burn wounds, and he was kept in dark about how the imprisonment was a so called "kindness" because it kept him from dying from the burns, up until the LAST MOMENT he broke the imprisonment himself and burned away!!!

Since the show only told us what happened with the prosecution of Li Lun and not with the Pharmacy, we cannot say whether Zhu Yan/Baize Goddess/Demon Hunting Bureau were just as fast to lock the place down and tried to bring the people to justice, all we know is that immediately after Li Lun was imprisoned, Blood Moon happened and Baize Goddess and Demon Hunting Bureau were killed, so the pharmacy people naturally got away even though they might have been under a legal process because well, all the upholders of law just died and the only remaining one withdrew because he was overwhelmed with guilt.

So basically everything went downhill outside while Li Lun was banished to damp and gloomy Da Huang and he was as good as forgotten in the heat of the moment. Even if someone maybe meant to properly talk to him and explain shit, none of them ever came because they died! And due to this very same guilt and other baggage, Zhu Yan never ever visited Li Lun in jail for 8 years either. And Li Lun was left to make whatever he wanted out of it, and he did, as well an abandoned, silenced, free spirit of nature in endless agony bound in a musty cave would.

One might think his wrath with Zhu Yan was so overdramatic as if it's been hundred years of beef whereas it's only been 8 years, but when put into context like this, 8 were more than enough, don't you think? It only shows just how fast and strongly his pain and resentment built up.

And the world called him obsessed, delusional, hysterical and villainized him to hell and back... including his only connection to the world, Zhu Yan.

And he tried and tried to understand why, to the best of the ability of a lonely tree with no methods of meaningful communication left with the outside. Obviously he failed, but he tried.

And nobody ever tried to understand him.

He was the Attic wife in a Gothic novel. He was the concubine in Cold Palace, and he was the name-called first wife of a wastrel of nobleman with 3 other mistresses. Look I just watched the first 2 eps of the currently airing Cdrama Blossoms and I just got into a mood ok.

In the end, he obeyed the "last mercy of Zhao Yuanzhou". Or more specifically, he finally got to hear that his Zhu Yan was thinking of his wellbeing all this time and all his hatred melted away in a second.

And when he saw that Zhu Yan was in danger, he threw away the life and second chance he so longed for and returned for Zhu Yan’s assistance... and his only words to Zhu Yan were:

"A moment is more than enough."

And after that, he wouldn't speak directly to Zhu Yan anymore, wouldn't touch him, only addressing him via Zhuo Yichen: having recognized Zhuo Yichen as his love's current priority/the person Zhu Yan cares for more than he does for him. Zhu Yan might object that no, they both are equally important to him, but clearly, that's not how Li Lun read him, and honestly after everything who can blame him? Not even the so called "last mercy" was given to him face-to-face by Zhu Yan, so it's no wonder if Li Lun believes that Zhu Yan doesn't really care much to speak let alone continue a relationship with him, just that Zhu Yan didn't want him to die, which is a pretty low bar.

"Zhuo Yichen, please help me protect Zhu Yan from now on", Li Lun says as he holds Zhuo Yichen and gazes into his eyes, as if he's trying to parse out what made Zhuo Yichen more worthy of Zhu Yan’s love, defense and care than him.

"Zhuo Yichen, look carefully! Do not miss!", he says in his last moments. Remember me, the one who loved Zhu Yan first. I was once special to him too. Do not be like me, but know that I had a glorious presence in his life as well.

He doesn't turn to look again at Zhu Yan, he doesn't see Zhu Yan desperately clambering after him, to keep him from dying to buy them -Zhu Yan and Zhuo Yichen- more time. Maybe he heard Zhu Yan calling his name brokenly, but it was already too late.

[southparktexts]

Hiiiii! I absolutely love your work, I gobble it up every time.

Could I please request the main 3 (Kyle, Kenny and Stan) with a S/O who skateboards? If you can’t write that, no biggie.

Thanks so much! <33333

ofc anon !!

The Main 3 With A S/O That Doesn’t Know How To Skateboard

KYLE:

- guys if you want me to be honest.. poor guy doesn’t know how to skateboard.

- probably learnt the basics from stan

- definitely thinks skateboarding is too dangerous to do.

- definitely tries to teach you but hes too overprotective of you.

- gripping onto your waist for life

- if your not wearing protection he will forcefully put it on you.

“BABE DONT GO- YOUR NOT WEARING A HELMET-“

- will run with you and hold your hand while you skate

- eventually you get the hang of it but kyle is still terrified for you.

“Ky let me goo”

“NO-“

- hes just too over protective..

- you guys dont skate again.

STAN:

- probably the most chill out of all of them.

- definitely knows how to skate as well, does skate on a regular basis.

- doesn’t care about helmets and protective gear but if you fall thats on you.

- you guys practise in his garage.

- definitely has a detailed skateboard, he custom designed a sanrio one for you.

- teaching you was pretty easy because he doesn’t worry.

- when you were going to fall he catches you before you hit the ground.

“nice try, so you’re putting your feet in the wrong position.”

- huge skateboard nerd.

“so here and here- aight now go.”

“alright- wait-“

- pushes you but you make it.

- you guys have fun.

- a BUNCH of skating dates.

KENNY:

- definitely takes you to an abandoned skatepark.

- he teaches you the basics.

- hes a mix between stan and kyle’s skills.

- he knows the basics but knows some jumps/tricks

“good girl! thats it!”

- definitely praises you a bunch.

- you guys practice using one skateboard which is an old one he found.

- you guys go out to eat after.

“can we do this again..?”

“of course darlin’”

- you guys skate to school together on some days.

[theshippirate22]

I have a theory

listen up bitches (gender neutral) (affectionate) i’ve been cooking this for an incredibly long time and i’m very very excited to share it but it is gonna be long so i’m putting it under a cut

my theory is that there has been a new set of archetypes created by popular m/m media either in canon or coding and i would love if it was more widely recognized by a distinct name so here we go:

I present to you: The Mirrorball x Running Up That Hill Boyfriends™️ Theory

i need to preface this by saying that i am absolutely not an english major or expert but i have done so much analysis that i’m 98% positive i’m on to something here

so usually mlm ships- at least in my experience- get boiled down into typical Grumpy x Sunshine, Golden Retriever x Black Cat, or like. Babygirl x Badass. and i hate that because those are like really watered down hetero romance stereotypes and i think queer people deserve to get our own archetypes instead of trying to force queer characters into prepaid boxes but that’s a story for another day so:

basically, all content with widely accepted mlm ships (even if they are more in coding than in canon) has this pattern with the ship that fits into Mirrorball x Running Up That Hill

(name pending- open to suggestions)

Boyfriend No.1 of course is the epitome of Mirrorball by Taylor Swift (i know, i know. bear with me here). He’s constantly trying to prove himself and his worth and usually he’s driven to hide or overcome 1-3 specific and intense insecurities/character flaws. He often has innate loyalty to a system or person who has repeatedly abused/neglected/abandoned him and thinks that this treatment is a result of his own character rather than a reflection of the abuser. In relation to the plot and audience, this is the “more dangerous” of the two because he’s so desperate to hold onto the status quo that he’ll often act in a way that makes things more difficult for himself, often by leaving Boyfriend No. 2, sacrificing himself, or doing “the wrong thing.” He also commonly has an older male figure that is breathing down his neck constantly, haunting his perceived inadequacies, and fueling his self-loathing. He’s constantly mischaracterized because he’s either boiled down to “the silly one” or a visage of his trauma and the people that relate to love these characters are usually extremely sad people. Usually this character is also the “mean girl” of the couple.

Examples of the Mirrorball boyfriend: Dean Winchester, Aziraphale, Stede Bonnet, Lucius Spriggs, Sherlock Holmes, Eddie Munson, Mike Wheeler, Prince Rupert, etc.

Boyfriend No. 2 then, is the Running Up That Hill Boyfriend, based of course, on the song by the same name by the perfect Kate Bush. He’s the one that’s seen The Horrors™️ and gained a layer of cynicism that Mirrorball doesn’t have. He was once loyal to something that used/hurt him but he rejected it and used his newfound freedom to restructure his entire personality and reach his much higher potential. Usually, he has passed so far from having a few insecurities to perceiving himself as utterly worthless and unlovable but he’s so convinced that it doesn’t even haunt him, he just goes with it and usually comes off looking overly-confident or cocky. This is The Bitch (affectionate)™️. There’s probably a scene of him covered in blood. This is The Girls’ favorite blorbo and ultimate whump. He tends to be really good with kids and he’s the kind of character that would and often has to CLAW a life out for himself by his fingernails.

Examples of the Running Up That Hill Boyfriend: Castiel, Crowley, Ed Teach, Black Pete, John Watson, Steve Harrington, Will Byers, Prince Amir, etc.

unfortunately i haven’t seen a lot of popular queer stuff so if you can think of other mlm or mlm shaped characters that fit into these archetypes please please please tell me

i’m specifically curious about:

-Hannigram (Hannibal)

-Buddy (911) (@criminally-obsessed if you would mind weighing in but obviously no pressure)

-Lokius (Loki) (@henderdads same thing)

-Any of the marauders but specifically WolfStar

-Stucky (MCU)

-RWRB (i’m so sorry i don’t remember the guys’ names)

-Nick and Charlie (Heartstopper)

-What We Do In the Shadows has one I think?

-literally anyone else please and thank you 🙏🙏 love you all

if you want like explicit examples of each piece for a character lmk for sure because i could talk about this all day long

[badgalsasuke]

The beauty, the beast and the prince

Quiet as it's kept and despite their rampant homophobia, Sasusaku shippers have a lot in common with a particular brand of fujoshis. The type of fujoshis that like to read bl manhwas that have been trending over the past few years like Jinx, Painter of The Night, Low Tide in the Twilight and Pearl Boy, to name a few.

And I say they're similar because of the way they engage with the text, the type of characters and tropes they expect and the outcome/finale of the series they feel entitled to.

If you've been in the Naruto fandom for a long time then you've probably have realized that SS shippers don't hate/resent Sasuke because he mistreated Sakura, their feelings are a bit more complicated than that. I must clarify I'm talking exclusively of SS shippers, not Sakura stans who may hate Sasuke simply because of the way he treats Sakura and decide to ship her with someone else.

First, SS shippers interpret Sasuke and Sakura's story together to be a dark romance and this is the appeal of the ship because whether the ship is mlm or f/m women love a dark romance, they love a bad boy/good girl type of ship and they love a ship that has its highs and lows as they see the "development" of it. If you're on tiktok, specifically BookTok you already know this.

So, it's not the mistreatment of Sakura at the hands of Sasuke what bothers SS shippers. It's the fact that Sasuke never rewards Sakura for putting up with his behaviour. Let me explain, when you're reading a dark romance the male whether he's straight or a gay top will put the woman or the gay bottom through humilliating or straight up abusive circumstances and behaviours which can be insults, physical assault like slaps or yanking them and dragging them around, and even torture or rape. The woman/bottom will endure all of this because they're pure of heart, they claim to know who the male character really is, they believe love conquers all, etc., etc.

And it is through their unconditional love that they manage to warm the cold heart of their loved one.

Take for example, Painter of the Night. The top Seungho is a rich Korean aristocrat who uses his position of power to put the bottom, Nakyum who is a painter through abuse during the entire series. Seungho rapes Nakyum several times, he physically assaults him i.e. slapping him, he coerces him into doing things Nakyum doesn't feel comfortable like having sex in a tailor's workshop and because Seungho is Nakyum's patron, Nakyum is completely dependant on Seungho for everything which stops Nakyum from escaping when he has the chance. Nakyum is at Seungho's mercy. All of this is ignored by the fans because Seungho slowly but certainly has a change of heart, he's a man who was traumatized as a child, which apparently justifies everything he does, and it is because of Nakyum's gentle and tender love that Seungho realizes he, himself, can love again. So in the end, after everything they go through, Seungho falls deeply in love with Nakyum and they both live happily ever after.

Other example is Low Tide in The Twilight, where the bottom Euihyun has a huge debt he cannot pay so the top Taeju basically uses this to force Euihyun to live in one his properties and constantly rapes him. In the end, after so much shit happens, Taeju falls in love with Euihyun and they also live happily ever after.

So, going back to Naruto, Sasuke and Sakura don't have their happily ever after after all the insults, humilliation and even psychological torture Sasuke subjects Sakura to. Sakura is not rewarded for putting up with this once they become adults and get married. Instead we get a Sasuke that broke his promise about coming back so they could travel together "next time", that's a total deadbeat, that continues to reject her advances, that doesn't worry about her when she's in danger and has no issues in abandoning her and their child for 12 years. And this is what pisses off SS shippers.

SS shippers expected Sakura and Sasuke to have an ending similar to the one of Nakyum and Seungho and I'm sure they thought they were gonna get it after Sasuke apologizes to Sakura.

Dark romances are all about the beauty and the beast archetypes. The beauty is punished by the beast until the beast finds her worthy enough to get the prince. The prince will give her a castle, a family, his total unconditional devotion and a happily ever after. Sasuke doesn't do this for Sakura, he never transforms into the prince, so SS shippers feel wronged. They've been rooting for them for so long expecting Sakura to get what they believe she deserves. To see Sasuke remain the beast is a slap in the face for Sakura and SS shippers. This is why they also love Sasuke Shinden and Retsuden, Sasuke is filled with guilt for what he did to Sakura when they were young which is usually expected in this type of romance stories.

But canon Sasuke written by Kishimoto doesn't care at all about any of that. I'm not surprised why so many SS shippers fantisize about Sakura beating the shit out of Sasuke, how dare he not acknowledge her for what she's been through for him!

[artful-aries]

May I request a Scaramouche/Wanderer platonically with a fem!child!reader who he saw himself within Scaramouche adopted her mostly because Teyvat don’t need a repeat of all of what Scaramouche did

It took me way too long to put this out, but I hope you enjoy!! The reader can actually be read as gender neutral for this, hope that’s okay!

Scaramouche/Wanderer With A Child Reader

If he comes across you as Scaramouche and not Wanderer, I think the experience would be different in a lot of ways. Namely being on how outwardly mean he would be

As Scaramouche, he will have complete and utter disdain for you when he finds you alone and abandoned. He would have left you there to deal with your situation alone had you not run to cling to his sleeve

He scoffs, calls you pathetic, and tries to “gently” pull away from your grasp, but in your childlike desperation for a companion you had a surprisingly firm grip on him as you begged him not to leave

At this point he would likely be rough and push you to the ground, walking away despite the sound of your cries as he does so. Yet the further he gets away, the more of a nagging feeling he gets. Why does he care about what happens to some feeble human child? If they got eaten by some wild animal or killed by hilichurls it wouldn’t even phase him

Against his better judgment, he will come back to you, but will be glaring at you the entire time as if it was your fault he returned. From there, he would harshly ask you if you can make yourself useful, and rolls his eyes at your uncertain answer

Despite Scaramouche holding a lot of contempt for you and your fragility, he grabs your arm and hoists you up to your feet, telling you that if you disappoint him he’s going to dump you off again in the woods

The fear is a surprisingly good motivator, and you do end up helping him in the small ways that you can given the fact that you’re only a small child. It’s still enough to earn his scorn, but over time you begin to realize that he does look out for you in his own way

His care is in the form of constantly scolding you, whether it’s over you accidentally dropping something, making rash decisions, or in general just being wholly annoying in his eyes. He doesn’t know how to be soft with you, and he probably isn’t capable of it anyway, but he does make sure that you’re at least in decent health

If he finds you as Wanderer, your experience under his wing will be better, but he’s still going to be rough around the edges

When he finds you and you cling to him, he feels a bit awkward and frowns at you, gently prying you off of him and insisting that he’s not your mother, so why should he take care of you?

Upon seeing you looking up at him like a kicked puppy, Wanderer sighs and gives you a pat on the head (albeit a bit of a hard pat) and tells you to follow him

He’ll bring you to Nahida and insist that she takes you into her care or at least passes you off to someone in Sumeru who would be willing to take you in, but the goddess has other plans. She thinks this is a great opportunity for Wanderer to develop his connections to humanity in a positive way, as well as learning to not be so rude all of the time

He protests to no end, pointing out how ill suited he is to the task, but Nahida will not budge. Begrudgingly, Wanderer begins to take you with him everywhere he goes regardless of the danger. It’s not that he doesn’t care about your safety, he’s just beyond confident that harm won’t come to you if he is nearby

When you grow naturally affectionate towards him it makes him feel very awkward and stiff, and the first time you give him a hug makes his eye twitch a little in irritation. Despite this, he lets you do what you want, and eventually learns to hug you back, albeit awkwardly

Aside from fulfilling your basic needs, the only way you’ll know how much Wanderer has come to actually care for you is the day that he makes you a stuffed animal to keep you company

He’ll insist that the stuffed animal is for you to hug instead of always bothering him, but his stern gaze always softens when he watches you play with it lovingly