#he accidentally shot off spy's dick

[jackiechanadventures]

RED base's bulletin board has a new company memo "By orders of The Administration, Orgy Tuesdays have been cancelled."

Someone added a sticky note next to it "THANKS A LOT SNIPER."

[queenofbaws]

Hi Queenie - can I ask for a number 13?

Hope you have a lovely weekend. :)

He had to wonder what they would've looked like to any passing Tom, Dick, or Harry who'd gotten it in their head to do a little spying. Probably they would've looked normal at first, maybe even downright wholesome, what with Dad in the rocker up on the porch, the rest of them spread around the backyard as they went about their business.

It was only when you looked a little closer that you saw the cracks. Cracks like Bobby chucking not darts but knives at the old bullseye carved into the dead oak stump while Caleb and Kaylee watched in awe; cracks like Travis feeding the fire shredded clothes and 'abandoned' drivers licenses instead of kindling; cracks, God help them, like Dad filling bullet casings with silver shot as he rocked, adding them to the growing pile at his feet after stoppering them.

Wholesome until you looked a little closer. Yeah. Maybe that should've been the family motto - "What doesn't kill you makes you stronger," was all fine and good as far as threats went, but times were changing, the family was changing, so maybe the time for threats was over. Maybe now they needed to truck in warnings.

As though the universe itself had caught wise to that mental rabbit hole, Chris's world exploded in a sudden burst of white-hot agony. The backyard tilted around him, then slid. It was only then, as he lay on the ground, that he heard Bobby and the kids yelling. It was only then that he saw the knife protruding from his calf.

"Dad?!"

"Sorry! Sorry! Aw shit, C! I'm sorry!"

Math had never been his strong suit, but it would've been a real idiot who couldn't put two and two together on this one: Bobby'd been having fun with his stupid fucking target practice, Chris had been sitting a little too close, neither of them had been paying attention, blah blah flipping blah.

He forced himself to look at the knife, as little as he wanted to. His eyes kept skittering over it, slip-sliding away as though it'd been coated in oil to keep his gaze from sticking. It'd lodged deep into the meat of his leg - real deep - and that wasn't a shock, considering who'd been doing the throwing, but Jesus, Mary, and Joseph, it not being a shock didn't mean it was any easier to stomach.

"I'm fine!" he called, both to the ones that had seemed concerned and the ones that hadn't been assed to glance his way. "Totally, totally fine! Just don't...touch me."

"Why's everyone shouting like..." He managed to push himself up into a shaky sitting position in time to see Trav turn from the fire, the flames throwing harsh, angular shadows across his already grim face. "What in God's name are you idiots doing over there?"

"I apologized!" Bobby called, repeating himself the way he always did when people started raising their voices at him.

"I'm fine!" Chris added, doing very much the same.

Even from that distance, he could see Travis's eyes narrow. "You're fine, huh? I would believe that, only, here's the thing...you got a goddamn knife stickin' outta your leg!"

Something about his tone triggered a deep, dormant part of him; a voice rose up inside his chest, swelling up and up and up to throb in time with the pain in his leg. 'Do I?!' it shrieked, the shitty, snot-nosed younger brother that still lived inside of him, somewhere, 'Do I have a goddamn knife in my leg?! Wow! Geez! I didn't even notice! Look at that!'

Chris bit that voice off at its roots, severing its strength with his teeth. A good thing too, because a second later Dad was talking, and when Jedediah Hackett deigned to raise his voice, you listened.

"Full moon tomorrow," he said, his eyes downcast, his hands filling shell after shell. "It'll heal good as new. Quit bitching and just take care of it."

There was a beat of silence as they waited. Young or old, infected or not, none of them wanted to be the one to accidentally speak over him. When that moment passed, Caleb made as if to crouch down beside him.

"When you get hurt like that, you're not supposed to pull it o - "

"I don't know what part of 'full moon tomorrow' you failed to understand," Dad called from the porch, the rocker ceasing to rock beneath him. He stood, setting down the last of his shells, then walked the two steps necessary to wrap his gnarled hands around the railing as he looked out at them sprawled in the grass.

What did he see when he looked at them, Chris wondered?

But he felt Caleb's eyes on him, Kaylee's too, and knew they were fretting, even if they didn't let themselves show it. So he grit his teeth in the best approximation of a smile he could manage, and he willed himself to do the awful thing.

"Yeah, listen to your grandpa. Tomorrow's gonna be here before you know it, and this? Well...this will..." He swallowed hard, moving his hand to the knife's hilt. His fingers barely brushed it and his head began to swim. "This'll all heal up good...as...new."

He pulled. It gave. There was a horrendously wet but blessedly short sound that accompanied it, and then it was done. He screwed his eyes shut tight as his ears rang and the inside of his eyelids threatened to go grey. That moment too was blessedly short.

"See?" he said, his saliva thick in his mouth. "Everything's fine. Watch where you're throwing these things, wouldya, B?" With that, even knowing it was the wrong thing to do, even feeling close to passing out as he was, Chris pushed himself up off the ground and found some measure of steadiness on his uninjured leg.

Tomorrow, he reminded himself, he'd pop his skin. Tomorrow, everything in him, on him, about him would be shiny and fresh and new. Tomorrow, he wouldn't even have a scar. Dad was right about all that.

But it wasn't tomorrow yet. It was just today. And as he limped his way across the yard, hobbled up the porch steps, and dragged his bleeding leg towards the back door, he hurt.

"Rub some dirt in it," Dad said as he passed by.

Chris turned to look at them - his family - and all he saw were cracks.

[simpurnatural]

Mr. & Mrs. Smith

“EUPHORIA Fezco x Spy!Reader

Simpurnatural’s Grand Masterlist

Note from Nat: “Been seeing a lot of Mr. & Mrs. Smith inspired fics so I thought of writing one about our favorite drug dealer! Sorry in advance since it’s short and might be ass.”

Warning ⚠️: Swearing, Implied Smut, [not spell-checked yet]

After being tipped off by an anonymous source about there being a drug dealer selling drugs to teenagers in East Highland, you were sent in undercover to sniff it out. But Fez ends up figuring out what you’re all about soon enough...

REQUESTS ARE CLOSED! BUSY COOKING UP SOME FICS <3

Fezco finally caught on. He found all your voice recorders, hidden cameras, and the manila folder with his name on it. You had initially asked for him to grab your make up pouch from your backpack. But he threw that request out the window and came storming back into the living room with the file in hand.

“Y/n,” Your heart dropped instantly. “That’s yo’ real name, right?” Fez asks as he skimmed through the papers.

“I-I can explain,” You swore, slipping your hand between the couch cushions. “Just hear me out, okay?” You pleaded, feeling for his hand-gun.

“How the fuck you finna explain this? You witha FBI and shit,” he replies and tosses the file in his hand onto the coffee table.

“I’m sorry,” You sniffled, standing up with the gun behind your back. “But this is gonna hurt,” you sigh before kicking him square in the chest, hoping that the table would break his fall.

Booking it towards your shared room, you left it ajar to see if he followed you. A twinge of guilt hit you at the realization that this fake life had come to an end. Countless I love you’s sent down the drain just like that.

You had fooled him good. Fezco honest to God believed that you had never held a gun in your life and was the perfect, innocent girl you pretended to be. When you actually were trained to kill and could off someone in a matter of seconds.

“Doin’ good over there baby?” You taunt from down the hallway after hearing him groan.

“That was hella fucked up ma,“ Fezco hollers with his back pressed against the wall. 

He reached over for your framed Polaroid picture and used the reflection to figure out which room you were in. You saw the glare of it from where you stood, shot it right out of his hand.

Hearing him gasp again followed by a thud, you thought the bullet shot through him somehow. Pushing the door open, your carefully peered out to check on him. Fez came running towards you once you exposed your position.

Kicking the door down after your failed attempt of closing it, you ran off to the other side of the bed. He wiped the blood from his busted lip and spat out the rest.

“Let’s settle this like grown-ups,” You panted.

“Fuck that,” Fez scoffed and took his sweater off. “I thought you was my ride o’ die,” he confesses. “Mr. & Mrs. Smith, ridin’ off into the sunset and shit,” he mumbles.

“Sorry I couldn’t fulfill your fantasy,” you huffed before pointing the gun at him.

“You should be sorry cuz’ you fake as hell,” he replies bitterly and you pulled the trigger. “Yo’ dumb-ass didn’t even check for more mags,”

“Shut up,” you groan and tossed it somewhere onto the floor. 

Fezco took this opportunity to quarterback slam you into the wall. Hissing at the immense pain, you landed a hit to his face. He came back with a slap to the cheek, even more pissed off.

“You dick,” you gasp, hand flying to your face. 

“Thought you liked getting a little rough ma,” he smirked before being hit at the side of the head with a lamp.

Grabbing the hand-gun again, you ran back into the living room in search for more ammo. He came running out with a gun of his own and accidentally knocked over one of his grandma’s paintings. Your ears perked up at the sound of something being shattered.

You didn’t hesitate to load your gun and began shooting through the wall. Fez dived and slid into the kitchen, exchanging shots with you. Both of you missing terribly.

“For a FBI agent-Yo shootin’ kinda like ya cookin’” he comments. “It’s ass,”

Pointing a gun towards his direction, you shot up the entire thing. Smoke began spreading through the house and it became hard to see. Fez caught you by surprise and tackled you to the floor.

Fists came flying into every direction, nothing was held back at this point. You slung both legs over his shoulders and pinned him to the ground.

“In any other scenario, I would totally fuck you right now,” you admitted.

“Likewise ma,” Fez replies before ripping you off of him and tossing you over the couch like a rag-doll. “Come on Y/n,” he teased with his fists raised. “Come to daddy,”

Grabbing a vase, you shot up like a rocket before hurling it at him. You chuckled as he doubled over and winced. Hair was in disarray and you were almost certain that there was broken shards of glass digging into your skin.

“Who’s your daddy now?” you smirked just as the vase came flying back over, shattering over your head.

“Two can play that game,” he assures, watching you try to run past him before catching you in his arms. 

Thrashing about, Fez knocked you into the countless amount of hung pictures. You were too out of it to fight back and was just trying to keep your eyes open.

“I know you could kill me if you wanted to,” you say, sliding down to the floor. “Just like you killed Mouse,”

“I ain’t gonna kill you ma,” he sighs and kneeled to your height. 

“Well you should because I might kill you instead,” you warned.

“You couldn’t if you even tried,” he scoffs, taking his place beside you. 

Then the sound of the front door opening and closing was heard. Ashtray came into sight with wide eyes before they landed on you two.

“I don’t wanna even fuckin’ know,” he mutters before heading to his room. 

It was silent for a few more minutes while you tried to soak in what just went down. First you were fighting and now you were sorta reconciling. The house was gonna need a paint job for sure.

“Y/n’s a nice name. I like that,” Fez smiles.

[clanwarrior-tumbly]

Hi!!! Hello!!! How are you, hope you're well!!!!!

Before I request, I just wanna say I love you're writing!!! You're really talented and I hope you know it 💞💞💞💞

As for my request could I kindly request (Poly if it's not a problem) Tankman/John X NB! Reader x Steve? Where Reader is a Spy and had to go on a dangerous mission to enemy base and at some point the mission goes wrong and they lost contact with them for some long time. So it's all sad and crying and they make a funeral for Reader.

During which Reader shows up really injured but still alive and is like "WHAT'S UP BITCHES?!?!! DID YA MISS M- ....What are ya crying about??" Cuz I think everyone loves some good angst with comfort

"Remember the mission, [y/n]-"

"Yeah, yeah..gather intel and interrogate whoever the fuck I gotta to get it. Also, you can call me "sweetheart", ya know. It's not like it's a big secret."

"You'll do great, sweetheart!!" Steve cooed as he leaned towards John's radio, pouting as the latter pushed him away slightly. But he returned to his station.

Being a spy meant you had to take on dangerous missions, which often worried your two boyfriends--the leaders of the tankmen. Though they both had faith in your skills, as you've helped them gain an advantage over the enemy countless times.

And, in turn for your hard work, you were treated well by them on your days off.

John promised that after this especially difficult mission, he'll let you take a week's worth of vacation. Simply because he loved you--though he wouldn't give Steve the same break.

They kept talking to you throughout your infiltration, with you informing them of enemy routes and eavesdropping on conversations.

But somewhere along the way, you accidentally fell down a hole. "Oof! AH! OW! Son of a bitch!!"

"[Y/n]!" Steve panicked.

"What the hell happened? Are you alright?" John was growing worried as he heard your grunts of pain. Usually you were careful, but for all he knew..you could be walking right into well-placed traps.

"Y-Yeah, I'm just ducky.....oh..oh no.."

"What is it?"

"I...I-I don't think I can move. Damn that was a long fall."

"Should we send someone to help?" Steve asked.

"No, no." "I'm stuck way down here..you'll be shot in the dick ten times before you found me." You sighed, fearing that this was the end for you. "Steve..John..i-if anything happens...I lo-"

"Don't start saying that cliché sappy shit." John warned. "We're gonna get you out of...[y/n]?! Come in!" He began shouting, realizing the signal was breaking up.

Usually a captain would always keep his composure, but he was rapidly losing it as he lost you. 'No, no, no..why did it have to be right now?!'

Everyone else tried their best to reestablish contact with you, but to no avail.

All of the sudden, a loud boom erupted, making the ground tremble, and they turned to see the enemy base being blown to smithereens. Soldiers went flying and the watchtowers crumbled all around it, flattening the entire area within seconds.

"Fuck, man...." Sniper looked through the scope of his rifle to see the damage. "Maybe they'll turn up! [Y/n]'s a tough motherfucker-"

"No..I..I-I think they're gone.." John's voice began to crack as he and Steve stared at the rubble, realizing what had happened. "Nobody coulda survived that.""

.........

Although they had hope you'd somehow come back alive, several days have passed and your boyfriends had to accept the painful truth:

You died in that explosion. In a mission gone horribly wrong--but at the same time it was a success, given that the base was destroyed.

To honor your sacrifice, the tankmen hosted a funeral where only "good guys" were allowed. Everyone was crying around the makeshift grave they made you: Sniper, Bill, and...especially John and Steve.

They couldn't believe they failed to protect you, especially when they knew that in war..anybody could die.

It made them wish they never got attached to you, fearing this exact scenario would come.

Never again will they get to cuddle with you. Or passionately make out with you all night. Or watch sad movies with you comforting their sniveling-selves. Or-

"Hey fuckers, I made it!! H-Hah! Didja miss me?"

With a gasping sob, John's eyes widened as he dropped his helmet, recognizing the source of the voice. Steve did the same, before he found you limping over the nearby hill.

You were alive and..badly injured, with a damaged suit and crutches supporting you.

But by some fucking miracle you were alive.

The two shouted your name in unison as they ran over, nearly tackling you to the ground and hugging you tight. You were dazed for a moment, although when you heard them crying their eyes out, you dropped the crutches and hugged them close, leaning on them for support.

"Jeez, and you two say I'm a needy bitch." You chuckled. "There, there..I'm alright."

"H-How did you survive that?" Steve whimpered. "That explosion..i-it couldn't have-"

"I rigged it, I meant to activate the timer and get the fuck out but the fall nearly smashed the detonator to bits..it was fine, though. My radio wasn't so lucky." You explained. "I did..get us some intel so the mission didn't go to waste."

"W-We..can get intel from anywhere.." John sniffled, pulling away to look at you, while Steve still hysterically sobbed into your shoulder. "But..w-we only get one of you. You did a hell of a job, though, b-babe.."

You just smiled, glad to be back with your two clingy boyfriends.

"Now..how about the three of us take a vacay?"

"C-Can we, cap?" Steve looked at the other tankman, snot and tears dribbling down his face.

"You know what, screw it..I think we all need it." John nodded in agreement as he smiled as well. "We're gonna get a shit ton of ice cream."

[purple-vixen]

Love is a Locked Door - Dick Grayson/Reader

Summary: Damian asks you and Dick to check if there are any monsters in his closet. Somehow the two of you end up locked in there.

_

You have been friends with Dick for quite some time now. He was definitely one of your favorite people in the world. Dick was funny, kind, smart and selfless, and also strong and very, very handsome. Though the latter ones you never dared to say out loud.

You were in love with Dick Grayson, and you kept this secret under lock and key. Making a move never really crossed your mind. You and he were friends for so long that you were convinced he would never see you in the same light you saw him, besides, you were afraid of ruining your friendship. No one understood you like him, there was no way you were going to risk it.

Being his friend meant you were a regular Wayne Manor visitor, consequently being able to witness Dick's crazy siblings. They all adored you, though Damian was the one who became most fond of you. In the beginning he tried to hide it, but eventually stopped doing so. It was very surprising for the batfamily to see Damian getting attached to someone so quickly.

Damian would show you his action figure collection, play violin for you, ask your opinion on his paintings and he introduced you to every single one of his pets. Not to mention the times Damian would show up in your apartment's balcony seeking advice or just someone to talk to and you two would chat and drink tea all night. You always scolded him for not using the door like any other normal person, but after seeing it was not going to work you decided to let it slide.

You saw Damian like the little brother you never had. He was a cute little cinnamon roll. A deadly cinnamon roll that knew how to kill a person with just two fingers, but a cinnamon roll nonetheless. Which is why you were not able to say "No" to Damian when he asked for you and Dick to check if there were monsters inside his bedroom’s closet.

You and your best friend were now inside there, each one holding a flashlight in your hand, pointing the beams to every shelf, hanger, pile of clothes and corners possible. You had to admit, you had the impression something was a bit off, considering that Damian and Jason were also in the room and they still haven't tried to kill each other yet.

Although the closet was spacious, you and Dick accidentally bumped into each other. He grabbed your shoulders to stop you from falling and you could feel your heart beating so fast it felt like it would jump off your chest at any second.

— Be careful. — He whispered softly. You were glad it was too dark for him to see you blushing as he wrapped his strong arms around you.

— Uhm… Found any monsters yet? — Damian anxiously paced back and forth as he watched his oldest brother and you turning his wardrobe upside down.

— Not yet. —

— And if we do, we're gonna kick its ass. — Dick added.

— Hey, (Y/n). —

— Yes, Damian? —

— Thank you for helping me. —

— Anytime, Dami. I'll always be there. — You walked up to Damian just to ruffle his hair, the youngest Wayne shyly grinned in response.

Dick let out a soft chuckle. Little did you know, to Dick Grayson, you weren't just his friend anymore, you became the one he fell in love with. Seeing you and Damian interacting always made his heart melt like crazy. He thought it was so adorable, you were so adorable. It made him want to kiss you even more than he already longed for.

— What is it? — You raised your eyebrows in confusion at your friend.

— Nothing, nothing. I just... remembered a joke. — Dick scratched the back of his neck, cheeks tinting a light tone of pink as the image of being close to your lips secretly ran through his imagination. — D-Don't stand too far from the door, Damian, you have to watch it for us.  — He changed the topic.

— I already am watching. Just keep looking, Grayson. — Damian answered.

— Aren't you too old for the "There are monsters in my closet phase? — Jason was plopped head over heels on the bed, playing Subway Surfers on Dick's phone since his had run out of battery a long time ago. His green eyes glued to the screen, tongue sticking out as he tried to beat his brother's record.

— Jason, take it easy, he's just a kid. — Dick sighed. Being the older one, it always fell to him to cease his siblings' bickering.

— Aren't you too old to be alive? — Damian snapped back to Jason.

— Damian! — Dick rebuked.

— Oh, I spy with my little eye a very ugly monster, he's 4 foot 8 and wearing a turtleneck. — Jason teased.

— And I can see a deadweight spreading germs on my bed.  —

 — Enough, you two! — Dick ordered with authority. — Jason, give me my phone. Since you and Damian will keep on arguing I want it back. —

On his way to his older brother, Jason winked at Damian, who nodded back. As soon as he handed the phone to Dick, Jason smirked at him and then quietly sat back on the bed like nothing happened, hands on his lap with a rather comical angelic face.

— Sorry about that, (Y/n). — Dick changed to a soft tone as he stared at you with puppy eyes.

— It was taking too long, I guess that's a Guinness record. — You joked, trying to lighten up the mood. — Don't worry, I signed up for this when I became your friend. —

— Yeah… Friend. — He mumbled to himself.

You two went back to searching Damian's closet. A couple minutes had passed when the young boy cleared his throat, trying to get yours and his eldest brother's attention.

— Father is requesting me for an emergency. I must go. — He announced.

— Well, I better get going too. Old man's request is an order. And who am I to say no to beating up criminals? — Jason instantly jumped out of the bed and put on his leather jacket.

Words weren't exchanged, yet with just one look you knew what Dick had to say when he turned to you: "I have to leave."

The moment Dick got up and started to walk away, Damian rushed out of his bedroom, leaving the closet door unattended.

— Damian, wait! The...— Before you were able to finish your sentence, a loud slamming sound reverberated. —...door. —

You pointed your flashlight to the doorknob and tried to open it.

— It's broken. Last time Alfred went here to put away Damian's clothes he ended up locked till someone opened on the outside. — Dick commented.

— I know, but it was worth a try. — You shrugged your shoulders. — Talking about Alfred, We could try calling him. I bet he's the only person in the Manor right now. You know, beside us. —

— Great idea! — He took his phone out of his pocket. Dick unlocked his phone and scrolled through his contacts until he found Alfred's name, he barely had time to hit the "dial" button before his phone ran out of battery and turned off. — Jason. — Dick growled, recalling the fact Jason borrowed his phone to play games.

— No prob. I can get my phone, it's in my purse… My god, I'm so stupid. I left my purse! — Dick burst laughing and you elbowed him, only causing him to erupt an even louder chuckle. 

— Well, that's better. — He shrugged his shoulders.

— How can it be better? We're locked in a closet! —

— There was that one time I got stuck inside a garbage truck with the Riddler. —

This time you were the one laughing. That's one of the many reasons you loved him, he always knew how to make you smile no matter what the situation was.

— I bet you loved hearing his riddles all night. —

— Believe it or not, that wasn't even the worse part. I had to soak my suit for an entire week. —

— But seriously, how are we gonna get out? — You asked as soon as the laughter died down.

— To be honest, I have no idea. —

You both tried yelling at the door to see if anybody would show up. Then Dick tried doing the credit card trick he often used to open doors, it didn't work. 

You started avidly searching for something you could pry the door open with. Eventually you encountered Damian's arsenal. The fact Damian kept a stash of deadly weapons inside his closet didn't surprise any of you.

Dick tried picking the lock with a sai and you tried slashing the doorknob with a sword. Dick would have found quite hot the way you wielded the katana and made a perfect dash attack, would have, that was if you didn't almost slice him with the sword on accident. As the last shot, Dick tried to force the doors open by throwing himself at them, the doors were blocked by something neither of you could tell and Dick lightly hurt his shoulder.

— Don't worry. I've been through worse. — Dick reassured.

— Dick, that does NOT leave me less worried about you. You could have a paper cut or a gunshot wound and I'd worry the same. —

— So you're worried about me, huh? — You could see his remarkable smirk dimly lit by the flashlight.

— I'm always worried about you, you idiot! — Dick's smirk grew wider at your reply. — Gosh, sometimes I wish I could wipe that smirk off your face. — You grumbled as you crossed your arms.

— Then why don't you try it? — Dick snapped in a flirty tone.

You inclined yourself towards him and your lips touched his. It was just a peck, it lasted for a couple seconds but for the two of you it felt like the time froze.

— Did that work? — You lifted an eyebrow. But then rolled your eyes when you realized that his wide smirk had become a full grin.

— I think you should try it again. — Dick pulled you closer to him.

Once again your lips met. This time the kiss was hungrier, needier. If only you knew that kissing him would feel that great, you wouldn't have held back for so long. Now that you were there, so close to him, you were free. And so was he.

Dick always pictured how it would feel like to slide his tongue in your mouth as you tugged his hair. And it was so, damn, good. Better than he ever wondered it could be. Dick felt in cloud nine, sensing goosebumps as your fingertips roamed around his abs. He grabbed your hips and pulled you closer to him, your chest was pulled flush against his, yet it still wasn't close enough.

You both pulled away breathless. The room was dimly lit, but as Dick tried to regain his breath, you could see his sapphire blue eyes with the pupils blown out.

— I guess that worked. — You joked.

— I should try being cocky more often. — He replied with that same flirty tone. — So… How long did you…? —

— For a while. —

— Yeah, me too. What took you so long? —

— Well... I was afraid things would get awkward between us. I wasn't sure if you liked me back. —

— Are you kidding me? I've been dropping hints for months! — He chuckled. — After all of this is over do you want to go on a date with me? —

— I'd love to. — You grinned.

You two were about to continue your makeout session when suddenly the creek of the door was heard, the bright light from the bedroom almost blinding your eyes since you got used to the dark from being locked in there. Both you and Dick jumped out of each other, in an attempt to not get caught.

— Okay kids, seven minutes in heaven is over! — Jason mocked after opening the door to your way out. Damian right behind him.

— Seven minutes? We've been locked here for two hours! — Dick protested.

— You say it like you weren't enjoying it. C'mon, just thank us. — He smirked.

— What do you mean by "thank" the two of you? Wait… You planned this? — You questioned.

— It was actually Damian's evil master plan, but I helped him execute it. Ya know, making Dick's phone run out of battery, hiding your purse, pushing the desk in front of the door so that you couldn't bust the door down. That kind of stuff. — Jason shrugged his shoulders.

— And apparently it all went well. — Damian nodded. — TT. Maybe too well. —

— Dami! — You rebuked. — Why did you do that? —

— I figured that if you started dating Grayson, you would have an excuse to visit us more often. — He crossed his arms as his cheeks blushed.

— You're aware that if that happens she will come here to visit just Dick, right? — Jason asked.

— Lay a finger on her and you're a dead man, Grayson! — Damian snarled and grabbed your hand, dragging you along with him as he started running. You couldn't help but chuckle at the fact the 11-year-old was so protective of you.

— Hey! I want my date back! — Dick whined and started running after you.

You rolled your eyes at the two boys as you ran, you knew tonight would be a long night since you first arrived at the Manor.

[urisk-factor]

Thinking about the Miner again. (Major Spoilers for the TF2 Comics by the way.)

Meet the Miner: he starts the interview by accidentally showing up late and digging up right next to Miss Pauling and the Director. Almost the entire time he talks about Agot, and the practice of digging up a castle wall during a seige, collapsing the tunnel, and destroying the wall.

Speaks very little of himself until the Director yells at him, at which point he gives a little "sheesh, fine" or something like that, and does a bit of explaining, mainly linking back to that medieval castle siege thing (which, fun fact, is the inspiration for him).

At the end, the Director asks about him specifically as a person, and he sort of unintentionally hints at a daughter.

Expiration Date: he spends the three days mostly alone. He drinks a bit with Demo, sits with Pyro, and at one point actually talks with Sniper about their impending doom.

Between that, however, he writes letters home, to his Ex-Wife, and to his Daughter.

After that, he sits in his room and plays with Agot. When the bread monster shows up, he mainly shoots at it with his pistol, and when he gets close enough without being caught, drills into it and jams dynamite into the holes. He can't exactly do his usually tactic. Agot hides in his coat pocket the entire time.

After the bread monster is defeated, he joins Pyro in playing with the baby bread monster that Medic created. He's honestly too tired and too stressed to do anything else at that point.

The Comics (spoilers for them by the way): after the Mercs are fired, he goes back home. He spends some time with his daughter when he has custody, looks after his bird, and gets a new job at an engineering company (*cough cough*). He gets picked up by Scout, Pyro, and Soldier on the way to get Heavy.

He doesn't mind being in the Siberian Mountains, as he wears a lot of layers, he just minds being with Soldier and Scout. Agot hides in his coat pocket though. When they find the plane, he's wondering if he's the only one with a brain cell throughout the four of them. When the bear cubs show up he just stands back and watches with concern, and then confiscates the axe from Pyro.

He is very relieved when Heavy shows up because holy fuck you have a brain. At Heavy's home, he is very grateful, but only really offers up a gruff "thanks", that's plenty enough for him. He coos over Agot for a while, and then heads to Australia with the Mercs and Zhanna.

He (regretfully) helps Spy in the stronghold, confiscates a crappy drill, and insults the Australium-less Aussies ever so slightly. During the Submarine ride to the sunken country of New Zealand he awkwardly sits in the back, uncomfortable with being under water. Cradles Agot in his hands.

He does not like Sniper's bio parents, he thinks they're irresponsible, and tells himself that he'll never act like this to his daughter. When the dome starts filling up with he absolutely starts panicking, grabbing the arm of the nearest person to him, who happened to be Demo, and held on very tight. After Sniper was shot, he helped Demo hold Sniper.

On the TFC Island (or whatever it was called), he made sure to send Agot into the vents to get out and save herself. Agot didn't leave though, and instead found her way to Medic. She sat with Archimedes for a while before Medic noticed.

Meanwhile, Miner is chained up next to Spy, and is contemplating being a dick to him. When "Heavy" breaks in, he's slightly suspicious because Heavy doesn't speak that much, but without Agot he can't tell.

Upon "Heavy" being revealed as the Classic Spy, he attempted to spit on him, although that didn't go far, he just got a weird look. When Zhanna and Soldier rescued them, he actually started laughing.

When Sniper was brought back, Agot started to sing, catching Sniper and Medic's attentioms mid arguement (right after the "I'm the most dangerous man on this island" thing). Sniper goes over and picks up Agot and is like "seems you've got an extra little bird here". Agot flies over to Medic and pecks his ear, before Sniper says "go find Miner. He'll no doubt need you, little one." Agot flies off.

He finds the crappy drill again rught before the Robots appear, so when they attack he tries to dig to safety. This fails and he just ends up lying in a dip.

When he's brought back by Medic, Agot lands on his palms and sings. He's happy to have her back, and she hops onto her favourite perch: his shoulder.

When they get their weapons back, he immediately gets to work, digging under the ground and disappearing in seconds. Across the battlefeild, the ground randomly falls in on itself, usually accompanied by some dynamite.

After Classic Heavy is defeated and Miss Pauling delivers her speech, he stands between Scout and Pyro, with Agot perched on one of his fingers, with his other hand in one of his dungaree pockets.

[thehouseoflamentation]

Everyday we stray further from god’s light...jk jk

I said I was ok with most nsfw and now I’m gonna live up to that claim so here we go!!!

Btw I checked Bad Dragon’s website and they actually have a model called “Demon Dick” so uhh….yeah….

For some reason “keep reading” was messing with the format so I had to repost this. I didn’t include any pictures but I did include links to what I think the boys might look like down there based on the models they had so proceed at your own risk!!

(Side note: I only had shape in mind while I was choosing these bc some of those colors really be wild. Also I’d like to imagine they’re all “extra large” sized)

Lucifer - (https://bad-dragon.com/products/axel)

That night, Lucifer called you into his room for a little “chat.” What was supposed to be a discussion of the student exchange program quickly escalated into something else as you found yourself unable to pull away from his lips as he trapped you in his embrace. It wasn’t long before he moved to the bed, sat down, and shifted his legs apart making it very clear what he wanted next. Now you were on your knees frantically trying to undo Lucifer’s belt while he looked down at you, smirking at how needy you’ve become. After pulling his trousers down to his ankles you made quick work of his boxers moving them down just as eagerly until....you saw it. You thought that since Lucifer looked mostly human the rest of him would look human as well but you were wrong. Not only was he longer and thicker than anything you’ve seen before but his shape was also…well...unique. After staring at it for a good few seconds he moved your face closer by gently nudging your head forward. The action only made you jolt and scoot a good three feet back.

“Lucifer, I love you but I’m not putting that anywhere near my mouth” you say as you slowly take a step back.

“And why is that? Too big for a human?” his eyebrows furrowed as you took another step.

“Too big f- YOUR DICK IS THICKER THAN A SODA CAN DO YOU WANT ME TO CHOKE???”

“......”

He stayed silent as he watched you slip out of his room, too shocked and embarrassed by your response to go after you. He didn’t think being “too big” was ever going to be a problem for him until now.

Mammon - (https://bad-dragon.com/products/crackers)

Even though he had his own room Mammon insisted on staying in your room again, going on about how it was an “honor” to have him sleep over. You were starting to get tired of his little act so you decided to shut him up with a kiss. To your credit it did work for a good two seconds before he retaliated by pulling you into a kiss on his own. Soon your hands started to wander up his shirt and while he shivered at your touch he followed your lead and did the same. The kiss was messy but full of passion. Once you pulled apart Mammon carried you over to your bed, plopping you down onto the sheets as he fell on top of you. You knew exactly where this was going so you started to strip once you landed on the sheets. After you threw your clothes to the side you started helping Mammon with his belt. He kicked his pants off then his boxers and as you looked down you almost couldn’t believe what you were seeing. He was definitely bigger than a human and the bumps and ridges along his shaft didn’t seem like they were going to make it any easier for you to take him in. Mammon started to get embarrassed from your staring his skin turning a dark shade of red.

“Quit starin at me like that! W-What are you tryna say I’m small or something cus I’m no-”

“Oh you are anything but small Mammon. Quite the opposite actually. I just...I can’t. I can’t do this. I’m out...”

“What do you mean you’re out? This is your room where are you going??”

That night you stayed in Mammon’s room while he was left to contemplate his life in your room. Well at least you thought he was big so that’s….partially a win right?

Leviathan - (https://bad-dragon.com/products/lenneth)

That night, Leviathan invited you over to read some new manga he got from Akuzon. It received a lot of hype before its release so he was looking forward to reading it with you. When you stepped into his room he handed you a copy of the latest volume in the series and let you sit on his bed while he plopped himself into a bean bag. You laid on your stomach turning page after page but after a while you noticed a pair of eyes spying on you as you rested on the sheets. Levi kept peeking up from his book to take glances at you so you shot him a glance and a smile back making him look away in embarrassment. Deciding the manga could wait, you made your way over to Levi, gently moving the book out of his hands to lean in for a kiss. He was shy but he didn’t seem to resist as he let his hands comb through your hair and wander down your back. Wanting to speed things up you crouched down between his legs and undid his belt and pants zipper before palming him through his boxers. Levi shuddered at the contact but froze completely when you pulled down his boxers altogether. Aside from his impressive size the shape of his cock was definitely different from a human’s.

“Levi...you uhhh-”

“I know”

“It’s umm...”

“Yeah”

“It looks-”

“I GET IT!!!! IT LOOKS LIKE SOMETHING YOU’D SEE FROM A HENTAI NOW STOP STARING!!!!!”

Both of you sat there for a moment trying to diffuse the awkward situation until you decided to break the silence. “Well it’s still not as bad as tentacles right?”

You were forcibly removed from Levi’s room.

Satan - (https://bad-dragon.com/products/fenrir)

You had a test coming up soon and luckily Satan was generous enough to help you study for it. The both of you were seated in the farthest corner of the library to avoid any noise or disturbances from the other visitors. You were able to make great progress with his help but after three hours of cramming you needed a break. Since the two of you were alone with pretty much no one else around to see or hear your shenanigans, you decided to see just how far you could push the demon sitting beside you. Your eyes were trained on your textbook but your hand slipped under the table stroking Satan’s thigh slowly before moving up between his legs. Normally he would have protested by now but it seems that Satan was just as in need of a break as you were. He shifted closer to you making it easier to undo his belt and zipper. You stroked him through his boxers for a bit before pulling them down to his thighs to get a good look at what was underneath. You almost did a double take once you noticed not only the ungodly size of his dick but also the curves and ridges around his head and shaft. Without a word you slid his boxers back up, zipped his pants, and buckled his belt before turning back to the book you left on the table and pretending you saw nothing, unwilling to even look Satan in the eyes after what you just saw.

“Uhhh why did you jus-”

“Wow! This question is pretty hard what did you get for number six again?”

“MC you didn’t answer my-”

“Were we supposed to read pages 134 to 145 or was it 150 to 166?”

“MC!!!!!”

“Shhhh! Satan we’re in a library it's rude to yell”

This went on for a while until the two of you eventually went back to studying, forgetting the events that previously unfolded.

Asmodeus - (https://bad-dragon.com/products/spritz)

You and Asmo had the day off so you spent it at the mall. After getting your hair and nails done at a salon the two of you went to Majolish to find some new outfits. You searched through racks of clothing until your cart was full but before you could buy anything you had to make sure they fit first. As you brought your clothes into the dressing room you pulled on the door but before it could shut you felt a hand stop it mid-swing, preventing it from closing. It was Asmo. He held his pointer finger against his lips to quiet you before slipping into the cramped stall with you. “Today’s been great and all MC but how about we make it even better?” his warm breath tickled your ear as he whispered but that didn’t stop you from nodding in agreement with his desires. There was a chance someone could spot you so you both tried to speed things up before someone noticed. You removed your shirt and guided Asmo’s hands back to your chest letting him play with your nipples while you palmed him through his pants. Neither of you could wait any longer so you got on your knees and started removing his pants and boxers. You were prepared to fuck but you weren’t prepared to see....that. For the Avatar of Lust his cock was certainly intimidating in both size and shape. It wasn’t quite human in appearance either which was pretty evident at first glance.

“Alright MC now just- hey wait! Where are you going?? MC?!?!!”

Before you could even think about how to fit his cock inside of you, you grabbed your shirt, slipped it back on, and sprint-walked out of the dressing room as quickly and quietly as you could, leaving Asmo behind.

Beelzebub - (https://bad-dragon.com/products/clayton)

There was no doubt about it. Beelzebub was one of the biggest and strongest among the brothers but you wanted to see for yourself just how “big” he could really get. After dinner that night, you slipped into Beel’s room with a bowl of ice cream you snuck from the kitchen. You offered to give him some with the condition that you got to feed him. Needless to say he agreed and was honestly enjoying himself until you “accidentally” shifted causing the bowl to slip out of your hands and the ice cream to spill onto your chest and shirt. Beel looked sad for a second because of his ice cream but after seeing the smirk that was slowly spreading across your face he soon understood everything. “You were planning this weren’t you?” Your smirk only grew larger once you heard those words. “Well since my shirt is dirty I might as well take it off~” you lifted your shirt over your head and threw it into the corner of the room leaving your chest exposed, some melted ice cream still dripping down your skin. Beel licked his lips before leaning in to taste you, letting his tongue roam over every curve. Before he moved down between your legs you decided you wanted to get a taste of him too so you pushed him onto his back and started undoing his belt and zipper before eagerly sliding down his pants and boxers. Your jaw almost hit the floor. You knew he was big but this? This was insane!! You couldn’t even wrap your hand around his shaft completely!!! And as if his size wasn’t intimidating enough he also had bumps and ridges along the sides of his cock too!! Your body was ready to nope the fuck out of there so without thinking you slipped your stained shirt back on and found yourself ready to exit Beel’s room, hand already on the door knob.

“Uhh MC? Where are you going? I’m right here!” Beel was still on his back confused as all heck.

“I’m just….gonna get you a replacement ice cream I’ll be back...”

Once you shut the door Beel could have sworn he heard the sound of sprinting. He didn’t see you for the rest of the night but he did find a bowl of ice cream at his doorstep.

Belphegor - (https://bad-dragon.com/products/sleipnir)

You knew Belphegor hated being woken up more than anything but you hoped that he would make an exception just this once. He didn’t seem opposed to sharing the bed either out of fondness for you or from being too tired to care. You curled yourself around him, nuzzling his back while your hands slowly traveled up his shirt. Your fingers eventually worked their way up to play with his chest and nipples. Belphegor couldn’t ignore your presence anymore so instead he was going to make sure you made it worth his time. He rolled over onto his back and positioned you so you would be on top of him. Belphegor wasn’t usually the type to rush sex but he was exhausted after going through classes that day and the fact that you woke him up wasn’t exactly a good thing either. Not wanting to waste much time he grabbed your waist and started grinding against you only stopping for a moment to remove his pants and boxers. You were about to lower yourself onto him until you noticed just how big he was. His length and girth were above that of a human, not to mention he had a number of bumps and ridges along his shaft. There was no way you were about to impale yourself on that so instead you rolled off of him and wrapped yourself in a blanket burrito with your face turned away from him.

“Y’know Belphie it's late, your tired, I’m tired, maybe we should just go sleep RIGHT NOW ”

“Wha- after you spent all that time trying to-mMPH!!” you threw a pillow at his face denying him the chance to finish his sentence.

“CAN’T HEAR YOU I’M SLEEPING!!!!”

Belphie was confused and irritated that you riled him up for nothing but at least he could sleep now.

[kpopchangedme]

Sun-drenched [M] - Youngjae

Every time you opened your mouth something outrageous came out but unfortunately, your new dorky step-brother seemed to be immune. You couldn’t tell if Youngjae was actually that clueless or if your reputation preceded you. 

Protagonists: Choi Youngjae & You

Word Count: 4.6k

Genre: NSFW - Cringe Fest - Smut - slight exhibitionism - f*ckgirl - Stepbrother!au || [One Shot]

[The Pleasure Chest: A Cringe Fest]

GOT7 | M.list

Your mother was doing that thing with her hair again, slightly shaking her head every time her new beau spoke. Every single bob invariably made her blonde curls spring. How disgusting. You had asked to be bleached once, a few years ago, and she had the audacity to claim it would look cheap on you. So unfair. 

She hadn't met her fourth husband for more than 6 months before she did just that. She thought it made her look younger, but Miami-midlife-crisis was more like it. It wasn't pretty wheat blonde, it was white yellow-ish banana buttercream. On-sale daffodil... Much like the sad ones Youngnam had gotten her from the convenience store yesterday.  They were now awaiting certain death in a crystal vase husband-number-two had gotten her for God knows what occasion.

You rolled your eyes when your latest stepfather started going over safety rules again. At your dad's there was never a need for them and if you correctly remembered the last time you had lived with your mom... You smiled, imagining how Dr. Top Surgeon would react if he found out his perfect church-going wife used to pop pills like candy and store a very impressive bong in the third drawer of her kitchen.

That would make for a fun scene. 

The goodbyes seemed to stretch half an eternity in the living room, after which you got dragged to the hall where the speech began all over again. Your mom gave you a short hug, more of a shoulder squeeze, then she pulled back and frowned with intent as much as her botox allowed. You shrugged off her silent don't-screw-this-up warning, already waving goodbye to her husband. Shoo shoo, you thought, sending the adults off to a far far away location. 

As soon as the door shut behind, you squealed in excitement. 

Summer had officially begun! 

Moving half across the country to fake “house sit” their new place while they honeymooned in Boca wasn't exactly what you had scheduled for your vacations. But when Youngnam accidentally let the words infinity pool and cars – as in with an S – slip out during the weekly video call, not even the dread on your mother’s face could’ve deterred you from flying over. 

As it turns out, Dr. Choi was loaded. 

Something you probably would’ve figured out earlier if you’d bothered showing up for the ceremony at all. Unfortunately, the wedding hadn't matched your Spring Break’ schedule and you decided having been present to the many previous ceremonies should be considered enough daughterly care for a lifetime. 

As you bent to the freezer for a celebratory parent-free popsicle, you felt the eyes of that gift-that-came-with-the-house glued to your ass. He briefly glanced down at the flash of your stomach’s skin when you jumped to sit on the counter. 

Surprisingly enough, your mother’s many rings had never once come with a step-brother before...

Usually, she went for the bachelor or womanizer types and those had the decency to never have baggage. Dr. Choi was a break of pattern and the news came with complete horror on your part.

For as long as you could, you had made a duty of never meeting his son, pretended he didn't even exist. So when the bubbly blended trio came to pick you up at the airport yesterday, you had been shocked.

They had said soloist of the local Choir and you’d heard; loser. Piano lessons? Dork. All-boys school graduate? Stuck-up. Computer Science Major? Nerd alert.

No one had talked about… That.

As a matter of fact, Choi Youngjae himself had not spoken much either, but he was certainly looking... 

And there were few things you enjoyed more than having a man's undivided attention.

Standing in the middle of the kitchen in all his glory, your new step-brother was staring, as usual, watching intently as you sucked your popsicle. You made sure to make a show of it.

“So… What about lunch?” He finally asked even though it was barely 9. Just to rattle him you hummed on the sugary treat as a reply. Mission accomplished. “S-Should I order pizza?”

“Don't worry, I’m easy...” Youngjae’s gaze fluttered down to your belly ring again. Boy, if he liked that one he had a few things coming. “I’ll eat anything if it's on you.”

Gaze widening, he pretended to look at something over in the living room and walked away.

Wait no, the poor guy literally bolted out of the kitchen to escape to safety. So fast one could wonder if this whole first exchange was the fruit of your devious imagination.

Oh no, you had just traumatized your babyish step-bro.

It made sense, you were one scary bitch.

All-boys school graduate? Virgin, you mentally took note. 

Or perhaps your mom had said something about you devouring the souls of poor innocent men. They said the apple never fell far from the tree. Grinning like a shark, you discarded the melting popsicle in the trash.

This promised to be one Hell of a summer break. 

______________________

“It’s been more than 10 minutes...” Chimlin flipped the phone over to yell unintelligibly at her demonic baby twin sisters. Despite the protection, you winced. “No DMs.”

“Then he hasn’t seen it yet.” Artlessly reporting for BFF’ duty was a lot more fun face to face, but for a few months, video calls would have to do. “Trust me.”

“I don't know,” she whined, going on all over again about how her boyfriend hadn’t picked up the phone since their nightly routine fight of yesterday. 

Sometimes you wondered if you’d even follow her back on Insta if you met this current sad version of herself. Kinda hard to tell, but she used to be the coolest baddest chick on campus. Then she was partnered with that Italian exchange student for a Statistic class, disgustingly dripping pheromones, cash and European pizzazz. Yes, Statistics. The most boring course ever, let's be real. But Chimlin was a genius, the deadly hot kind. No matter how shit-faced she was, that girl could track the B-52s and Gin Tonics’ calorie count of each respective member of your girl squad, not that she'd ever had to care herself.

Then Massimo came. At first, he was just a casual hook-up, but he managed to worm his way into her brain and grew there like a tumour. By the end of last semester, they were full-on steady-going together like in cringy 90s rom-coms. He was always stuck to her like a parasite.

Gone was your favourite 4 feet 11 party animal.

“Do you have any idea how many bitches Mas could meet this summer?”

You snorted, “Not even close to the number of dicks you could have in Pattaya if you wanted to.”

“Phatthaya,” she corrected automatically with a dramatic eye-roll. “That’s the thing, I don't want to. I only want one dick and he's miles away.” She waved her hand to brush it off right as your mouth opened in protest.

Her Italian barnacle did want to remain with her on campus for summer, but Chimlin thought she had better plans that involved a lot more beaches and fruity drinks. She simply couldn't live with her own poor life choices now and you were just about to tell her so when a flash of skin on the screen distracted you.  

“What else have you been hiding?” You sing-sang, impressed by the view. 

She glanced over her shoulder, “That's my uncle. Like... He’s literally my mom’s lil’ brother. Gross.”

“I know what an uncle is and that's a very hot one if I’ve ever seen one. You can look.”

“We’re not all depraved sluts like you.” She only half-teased with a sharp laugh. “How's the cute new brother doing, by the way?”

“No idea.” You flipped the camera and zoomed on Youngjae's bedroom window like to prove a point. The curtains were drawn, concealing anything worth mentioning from view. You were lounging by the pool on one of those fancy long chairs, much as you had been for the past week. Margarita, sunscreen, repeat. If this boring routine went on, you’d be so tanned by the end of summer no one on campus would recognize you. Sometimes you did think Youngjae's curtains were wobbling, maybe he was spying on you but it could all be your imagination. “Typical. He's been in hiding from me since day one.”

“I don't blame him.”

“Don't blame me for wanting him either. He's a good boy in a bad boy’s body.”

“I don't even know what that means...”

“No one does. But he's not cute, he's hot. I need him all over me and I've been telling him so, but he's strangely elusive. I think he hits the gym above the grocery store on the corner, I should join.”

“Stalker.”

“I don’t stalk, I live in his house.”

“No wonder the poor guy doesn't go out of that room, I bet he picked up on all your slutty energy.” In the rectangle screen, Chimlin switched to tan the other side and you did the same, laying on your back.

“Ha ha. He'd have to be moronic not to,” you were holding the phone above, casting a partial shadow on your face.

“Your legend precedes you. He's scared you're gonna trap and fuck him.”

“What else am I supposed to do when you've abandoned me and flew to the other side of the world? You know I need a summer project.”

“And of course, it had to be a guy.”

You were so glad she stopped whining about Mas for a minute that you let that one slide. “Well, I am not a needlepoint kind-of-girl.”

“Right, hey maybe it isn’t the incest that’s creeping your brother out. Maybe he's gay.”

Someone snorted out loud at that – not you – and you sat up in alarm.

Two guys were standing by the edge of the pool.

“No, he's not,” said the one on the left, a smile in his voice. They were directly in your sun, so you had trouble making out their features. One silhouette was slightly slumped, the other tall and all limbs. You suddenly felt very exposed, dropping Chimlin to fasten your bikini top in a hurry. This show wasn't for strangers to enjoy.

“Who are you?” The second man asked, clearly lost.

“She's it,” the other echoed.

“Who are you? I live here.”

“We're your brother's social life,” the frisky one smiled largely, kind of in a dangerous way that you immediately recognized for your own. Friends, they were Youngjae's friends and they very clearly overheard your embarrassing banter with Chimlin.

Flushing – a rare occurrence – you brought a hand to shield your eyes from the sun while you corrected; “Step-br–”

A sharp voice cut in, “She's not my sister.”

Behind, Youngjae was standing awkwardly by the patio door, a stern look on his face. He didn't seem surprised his people were there. He didn't even glance in your direction before disappearing back as you blankly stared after him. 

“Well, thank fuck,” the you-guy turned to wink, following him inside. “Good luck with your summer project! I’ll root for you!”

In a daze, you picked your phone back up. Chimlin was still there, waiting dilligently to be briefed on what just transpired. You puffed your cheeks, mentally preparing for what was to come.

______________________

Swear to God, Youngjae had not come out of that room for two days.

Two.

Fricking.

Days.

Maybe he had a fridge in there.

Maybe he only came to life after midnight like a vampire to avoid the whore squatting his dad’s house. 

Whatever his annoying friends told him had certainly made a lasting impression. You just hoped he wasn't the type to go cry to parents whenever something happened. You had no intention of going back to your tiny dorm all alone and sad for the summer just because you hurt his feelings by finding him bangable. Or worse, at your father's.

What was he even thinking?

You had not done anything wrong. Pushed a bad joke a little bit too far perhaps, nothing to get all worked up about. No reason to get shunned out of your mother's life again. 

Youngjae's reaction, or lack thereof, was way out of line.

It's not like you had actually done anything to him. He was such a prude. A prude that eye-fucked you all the time!

Church baby boys were the worst.

What an ass.

.

.

.

Three days?!

Three days of an overly empty house. The atmosphere had gotten so heavy, the air so tense you couldn't even think about anything else. There was nothing left to do. Just sit on the couch inside or by that dumb infinity pool, starring at the drawn curtains of your step-brother's bedroom. They weren't wobbling anymore.

Which was what you were actively doing this afternoon, ruminating your dark thoughts for hours. You didn't even notice you were getting dangerously warmer. When your timer went off, announcing it was sunscreen time again you nearly fell from your chair. 

Doing the legs was the easiest part, your favourite to be honest. They were one hell of an asset of yours. You were massaging the thick lotion on your right calf when something at the corner of your eye caught your attention. 

For a heartbeat or two, you thought you were hallucinating. 

Youngjae had finally reappeared. 

He was standing at the end of the pool, a knapsack thrown over his shoulders. His thumbs were hooked in the straps, hands dangling to his sides like dead weights. If he looked like a young boy at first glance, the heated look on his face was one of a man.

Frozen still, you gulped. True to form, he kept staring for a long moment before turning to the house and you thought he was about to go into hiding again – but oh no, fuck – he was actually pacing towards you. 

“I’m back.” Youngjae blurted out awkwardly, mouth twisted. 

Yours was opened in a mix of disbelief and shock. He was actually addressing you. “Back?” From where the corner store?

“Yes,” his eyes ghosted over your poor excuse of a bikini before anchoring themself back to safety in yours. Again, horny eyes. If you were warm earlier, now you were burning up. “I thought it'd be better if I stayed away at Bam's for a few days…”

Right? No one could actually stay between four walls so dilligently. It made sense. You were so dumb.

Apparently, your confusion was evident. “Didn’t you notice I was gone?” No, you had not. So your step-brother was so freaked out being around you that he actually moved out for a few days. Had you gotten that bad? Jesus. “Anyway, I’m back home with you now.” 

Youngjae took a step closer, kindly getting in your light so you'd stop squinting at him. He looked even hotter in the bright light of day, sweat pearled between your breasts. He frowned and bit his lower lip waiting for a reaction. The things you'd do to that perfectly proper mouth. 

Of course, what came out of yours at the moment was less than appropriate. He was right to be scared, you weren't safe at all.

“Wanna do me?”

Yes, you were that bad. Terrible indeed.

“Do I-I,” he gasped for air – oops, “w-what?”

“My back,” you clarified smiling like a prisoner that hadn't been fed a good meal in days, “sunscreen.” The poor man should've stayed far far away from you. 

You weren’t crazy or desperate, but you couldn't resist. You had been patient and unusually upright so far. You deserved a treat. You were hungry and you knew your step-brother wanted you too, he wouldn't have felt the need to hide away otherwise. Youngjae had an interesting duality, shamelessly thirsting over you one minute and getting flustered and embarrassed the next. He must have been deeply unsettled by your open invitation because before you could flip over, he had claimed possession of the bottle. 

Or maybe he just didn't need to be asked twice this time. He knew. He wanted to give in to temptation. Why would he even come back here otherwise? 

Laying down, you reached to undo the bikini strings, pressing your loosely covered chest against the rough towel on the chair. You waited.

“You must really hate tan lines,” Youngjae said in your back, sounding tormented, “it seems you're never properly wearing clothes.” He sat down in slow motion like an obedient little boy as you grinned. 

“Are you ever gonna put your hands on me?” You teased once more, it was like a string was tugging up your insides through that dirty mouth of yours. You wanted to keep pushing him, wanted to find out what it'd take to make him break. And just fuck you really. It was fighting the inevitable by now. 

Every guy you met wanted to have you.

Usually, you didn't have to beg.

“I'm trying not to,” he admitted the obvious. “I promised I would never touch you,” Youngjae grumbled and you jerked in surprise when lotion spurted on your lower back. “Promised my father I’d treat you well.”

It made sense, a good boy would never disobey and do his dirty step-sister. If your legend preceded you, his golden son’s reputation certainly did too. Honestly, this promise made the taunting easier and even more tempting. It made for a funnier challenge and the spark in Youngjae's eyes when he looked at you hinted you could break him if you really tried.

You were about to defy his ethics again when words went back down your throat, letting way to a sharp sigh. He had suddenly fully committed to applying your sunscreen, fingers exploring your skin. You asked to be touched and he had risen to the occasion, firmly rubbing the lotion on your naked back. 

Earlier you had every intention of teasing him further by enjoying this a little too much, but you weren’t sure it was entirely voluntary when the first moan escaped. If he wanted to keep it PG, he probably should’ve stopped right there, but it didn't seem to deter your step-brother. He kept going, massaging you along the way. His thumbs traced circles up your spine until one of his palms cupped your nape. 

Perhaps this is what an erotic massage was supposed to feel like, heaven. Every stroke was totally appropriate, very perfect boy-ish, but still, your toes were curling. After a few minutes, Youngjae's breathing was heavy, he was enjoying this impromptu contact just as much.

You both had made yourselves obvious these past weeks; him with the eye-fucking, you with the open-truths. Clearly, the forbidden nature of your desires would make for an even more intense experience. You couldn't even imagine how it'd feel to take it further now. 

“I've never had a step-brother before,” you mewled, mentally following the downwards path of his hands.

“I bet you love messing with me,” he replied, barely audible. 

His pianist’s fingers were now haltingly sliding up your ribcage. He wasn't rubbing in anything anymore, just caressing all he could reach. 

He was right, but you wanted more. That was the sexiest thing that happened to you in forever. Having a guy want you bad enough he had to hide away to resit, and now having his hands on you. You wanted him everywhere, all over. You didn’t care; step-brother promises or not.

Giving in to temptation, you turned around, resting on your elbow. Your untied bikini had not followed so you watched as his face fell in realization. Youngjae's mouth opened in awe, eyes glued to your bare perky breasts. At the moment, there was absolutely nothing going on in that male brain of his. He didn’t move; you helped.

As soon as you put one of his hands on your chest, he came back to life. 

“Jesusfuck,” he breathed out, completely winded.

Wow.

Church baby boys were the best.

Entertained, you reached for the sunscreen, pouring lotion on yourself again. “You aren't done.”

“I…” Youngjae swallowed back his protests, cupping your boobs with both hands. He couldn't even look up anymore, enthralled by your nakedness.

No matter what their intentions were, it seemed good guys were still guys after all. If you had known he was this easy to overwhelm, you would’ve walked around topless sooner.

“The neighbours will see us...”

He didn't seem to mind that much, seeing as his thumbs were stroking your pierced nipples relentlessly. If those middle-aged housewives you only caught glimpses off looked over the edge now, they’d have a pretty impressive show. 

“Let them,” sitting, you snaked a hand to his dramatic bulge. Your mouths got so close you felt his breath ghost over. Beaten by your expertise, his shorts’ button came undone first, his fly was even more compliant. 

The moment of truth.

Youngjae's whole body shook when you took his cock in your palm. There was no hesitation, no second-guessing. Fuck, he was so hard and flushed for you. He pinched your erected nipples in response and you felt a familiar vivid jolt of pleasure and pain down to your toes. Not a virgin, after all, no doubt he would handle you just fine. 

You pressed your mouth to his neck and sucked, right where his Adam's apple bobbed.

That's it, all for you. You were so going to eat up that good boy.

“Mmmm, I’ll tell daddy you’re treating me so fucking well...”

Of all the filthy things you had said so far, this was the one that got the strongest reaction. The wrong one. Youngjae jerked up to his feet, tugging at his shorts in panic. He swore a dozen of times, out of his mind as you stood there, frozen still.

“Sorry,” he offered at last, pitiful before running for his life to the house. 

Fuck.

No.

Surely you were feverish. 

Having a heatstroke.

You had imagined the whole thing.

You had not just being left out cold by a man.

This type of shit never happened to girls like you. 

It took a few minutes to gather back your thoughts and when you did, you decided this wasn't even close to completion.

Without wasting a second more you stormed inside the house, almost flying upstairs to that mythical off-limits bedroom of his. You didn't bother banging, he was in such a hurry he forgot to lock behind, so the door flew open. 

Like a scene straight up from a bad porno, Youngjae spun on his computer chair, a hand still wrapped around his fully erected dick. You couldn't believe your eyes.

“Are you jerking off?” He was already pulling up his shorts again to cover himself, caught red-handed, blushing as though you hadn't been doing it yourself a moment ago.

“I’m sorry, I don't think you–”

“Please don't stop on my behalf,” you waltzed in, confident, and sat on his well-made good boy's bed.

“W-What?” Youngjae blinked, even more, rattled by the sight. 

He didn't leave because he didn't want you, he clearly did. He probably only left because of his father and that dumb promise he mentioned.

“Is this how you've been dealing all along?” You laid back on the comforter, smirking and remembering all those afternoons by the pool you’d thought you’d seen his curtains fall. He certainly enjoyed spying so it gave you an idea. He could try to resist you all he wanted, you'd still made him cave. “You don't want to touch me, right?” Your step-brother nodded, spellbound. “Because you're the perfect son.”

He swallowed hard, “But you keep… Saying those things, sunbathing… And to my friends...”

“Yes, you’re right... So let's start over.” You sighed in fake contrition, “I'm sorry, I've made this so hard for you. I’ll be good too from now on.”

Youngjae scoffed in disbelief, “You are sitting topless on my bed.”

“Oh,” looking down at yourself, you cupped your breasts. “I thought you liked the looking.” His cock was standing up, glorious testimony to this mess. “Don't worry, I get it. I promise I won’t let you touch me...” Throwing your head back without breaking eye contact, you moaned and lightly twisted one of your pierced nipples. “But I’ll make you watch...” Out of his mind, Youngjae did just that as you caressed your own chest for him. Somehow his eyes on you now burned even better than his hands earlier. 

You were so turned on, so worked up by all the days of teasing and loneliness. Your hips started swaying on his bed, craving some fiction and release. 

“You're crazy,” his voice was laboured but he had yet to escape again. This time you wouldn't have followed.

“I-I'm so wet, Youngjae...” Giving in, your right hand fell to your sex, rubbing your last piece of clothing. He was captivated. 

“Fuck it,” he immediately breathed out in surrender, hand wrapping around his dick. That was it, you finally had him. He was all in, playing along with your new favourite family game.

No touching, just innovative teamwork.

You had to establish ground rules, but pushing them was what fun was all about.

“I want you so bad...” You mewled, slipping your middle finger inside your bikini bottom.

Stroking himself, Youngjae groaned, “So you’ve been saying baby, but now you have to show me.”

Oh shit. You were going to come so fast if the golden son had other surprises like that. In a hurry, you wormed out of your panties before he could change his mind once more. In front of his fully clothed self, you laid back, touching your damp slit while he observed intently. The whole experience was surreal, your mind was buzzing, overwhelmed by the wrongness of it all.

It felt so amazing though.

Touching yourself for your step-brother was the sexiest thing you’d ever experienced, and you were very accomplished. You would’ve done anything he'd asked of you, and Youngjae knew that but he abided by his dumb rules. Standing up he came closer, boxer messily shoved down from his earlier haste, one hand was in his hair, the other working hard. You kept rubbing your clit repeatedly letting him see, hastening the pace until you were numb all over, panting. 

“Youngj-jae, I-I–”

Moaning, you broke faster than you had ever with someone, then again no one knew how to make you reach your own high better than yourself. Paroxysm made your thighs jerked as the pleasure waved through you, annihilating all sense of your surroundings.

When you came back, your step-brother was giving up too, bursting in thick spurts of hot cum all over your body and chest. His eyes were wide opened in black elation, intense, not missing a second of the show as he came on you. His whitish-gray seed painted your bareness in ribbons until he was completely emptied.

In silence, Youngjae dropped next to you on the bed, hands covering his face as you both caught your breaths. His now softening dick was still protruding out of his shorts and underwear for the world to see. It probably made for quite a view; your naked body covered in semen right by your respectable step-brother’s way more humble cock.

If your parents came home early, they would both have a stroke.

Youngjae sort of kept his word though... For today at least. 

Because now that you had him all over, you knew you were going to crave him under you.

And no man had ever resisted your charms before.

Step-brother or not.

[The Pleasure Chest: A Cringe Fest]

GOT7 | M.list

[mattzerella-sticks]

Caught (a 9-1-1 fic post-s3 finale)

Photobooths are prime for catching special moments and making them last forever, even if they are less both and more open spaces with a backdrop. When Athena, Bobby, and Michael stumble upon one such moment between Buck and Eddie, what will they do?

And how will it affect Maddie and Chimney?

T, 3.7k, Athena/Bobby, Buck/Eddie, Maddie/Chimney

           Athena finds operating a laptop with only one hand maddening. Typing up an e-mail takes double the time, she needs breaks when shopping online, and scrolling through social media becomes dangerous when she accidentally likes pictures she didn’t mean to. If she had her choice, Athena would be on her phone. But the hired photographer from May’s party e-mailed the pictures from the photo booth, both Bobby and Michael nearby when her phone pinged. Instead of having her husband and ex-husband crowded at her shoulders, Athena pokes her password into the given space while the men gather snacks. When she finally has the first picture loaded, Bobby places the bowl of popcorn by her sling and Michael hands off a soda.

           “I think we’ve never looked better Bobby,” Michael laughs, pointing at the screen.

           Athena snickers into her drink, studying the picture. Bobby’s jaw dropped in a faux yell; guitar hugged tightly against his chest. Fingers hooked as if he were playing something. Michael’s expression mirrored his except the tinsel wig on his head making it immensely funnier. “Don’t you be trying to steal my man from me, Michael,” she warns, attempting severity, “You already got a doctor eating out of your hand.”

           “Okay you two,” Bobby settles his arm across Athena’s chair, chuckling, “we’ll never get through these if you two are bickering. Athena, click onto the next picture?”

           They kill the next half-hour like that, pausing every so often to laugh at a few pictures. Like Maddie with May, the two women back-to-back and imitating an old spy poster. Or Chimney and Hen battling with the inflatable guitars like they were axes. Although not every picture was funny. Michael and Athena thought May and her boyfriend gravitated closer than necessary for a simple photo. And Athena needed a moment, collecting herself from the sheer adorableness of Buck and Christopher’s faces pressed cheek-to-cheek.

           The next few pictures included Buck as well, except Christopher’s father joined in the fun in his son’s place. Eddie sipping a drink while Buck played the guitar. Him raising a leg mid-kick while Buck locked eyes with the camera. Smoking on a corncob pipe as Buck runs wild behind him. Flexing, playing the guitar, and jumping. One picture had half of his face cut off.

           Buck must have landed closer, because Athena clicked on and they occupied the same breadth of space. Eddie, non-plussed, while the younger man messed with him. Grinning, swinging beads in his face. Then wincing when it struck the soft spot between his brows. Brushing gently over his nose in a cursory inspection, too close. Followed by –

           “Oh, my,” Athena gasped, hand over her mouth. She felt Bobby tense at her side and Michel mutter a curse under breath.

           The photographer, with perfect timing, captured the briefest of pecks. Buck’s lips on Eddie’s, both puckered. Expectant. None of them can decipher who initiated the embrace. Only that it happened and there was no mistaking the intention

           “Well I’ll be damned,” Michael says, “this is…”

           Athena glances at her husband, “Did you know about this?”

           Bobby shakes out of his stupor, turning to her. “No, I… I had no idea,” he says, “I mean, they’re close but I always thought it was more like… brothers?”

           Michael snorts, drawing Athena’s attention. “Do you have anything to add?”

           His mouth thins, and he inches back. “No, I’m as shocked as you both are… A little intrigued… and embarrassed I didn’t notice those boys swung on my team before… But shock is at the forefront.”

           She sighs, sagging in her seat. Her finger scrolls onto the next arrow except she cannot continue. Athena finds herself staring at the picture again. “What should we do?”

           Bobby hums and squeezes her shoulder. “We can pretend this didn’t happen and let them come to us in their own time?” He nods at the screen, “For the first month at least. If they don’t say something past then, I will have to bring it up anyway seeing as fraternization between coworkers requires tons of paperwork.”

           “Okay, then I guess we keep this to ourselves until they own up on their own,” she says, moving on, “or you need evidence if they try and deny it altogether.”

           “Always thinking like a cop,” Michael laughs, nudging her, “you’ll be back on the streets soon enough.”

           “We’ll see.” She finally clicks onto the next picture, another Eddie and Buck. More bashful and with ruddy cheeks. If there were any confusion about the prior scene, this added the final layer of context. “They do make an adorable couple.”

           “And a hot couple…”

           Athena elbows Michael with her good arm, scowling. “Hush up. Think about your doctor.”

           The mood returns, not at the same level it was before the discovery but there the same. They finish viewing the album and then spend more time dividing it. Creating folders for their friends and family so they can have their pictures. Athena finds the kissing scene again and immediately puts it, and the accompanying aftermath shot, in its own folder. She forgets it when they start compressing the files for ease of sending.

           Unfortunately, when attaching Buck’s pictures to the e-mail, his zip file contains two folders.

                                      -----------------------------------------

           Buck find Eddie in the kitchen, pouring milk into two bowls of cereal. His heart skips a beat at the scene of pure domesticity. The way sunlight streams through the thin curtains and makes Eddie glow in its beams. Makes him look more irresistible than he already is. He tugs his shirt down over his chest and walks over, wrapping his arms around Eddie’s chest. “Breakfast? Really?”

           “What – not a fan of Fruit Loops?”

           “I love Fruit Loops,” Buck chuckles, kissing at the bruise on Eddie’s neck he made earlier. “But I don’t know if three o’clock is the perfect time for them.” Still, he takes the bowl from off the counter and opens a nearby drawer.

           Eddie grabs spoons for them both. “Breakfast isn’t a meal… it’s a state of mind. It’s the first thing you eat when you get out of bed. And since we haven’t left the bed since now…”

           “We could’ve left earlier,” Buck reminds him, “If you weren’t so damn horny.”

           “I wasn’t the one practically crying for dick in my ass –“

           “Hey, hey!” Buck cuts him off, cheeks burning hotter the longer Eddie laughs. “I wasn’t crying, I was… heavily suggesting.”

           “Sure…”

           He scowls, sticking his spoon in Eddie’s bowl and stealing a bite. “If you didn’t want a second round, all you had to do was say so. But don’t go complaining because I was making sure you were having a great time while Christopher’s at camp.”

           “Oh, no,” Eddie shakes his head, grimacing, “please don’t quote my son’s card while we’re talking about sex.”

           “You started it,” Buck smirks, pointing with his spoon. “Your fault if you can’t handle the heat.”

           Eddie shoves at him, jostling the milk and spilling some onto his shirt. A soggy Fruit Loop dove from his bowl and landed on his foot, near his big toe. Buck retaliates with a push of his own, although Eddie catches his wrist and drags him into a kiss that makes him forget about the milk stain, dropped Fruit Loop, and Eddie’s teasing.

           They break for air, foreheads pressed against each other. “We should really be eating.”

           “Yeah.”

           It’s another five minutes standing there. Balancing bowls of cereal and trading kisses. When they finish, Eddie guides Buck into the living room. They cuddle on the sofa, Buck crossing his legs under him and flicking the television on. Flipping through channels until he finds a cartoon he likes. Halfway through the SpongeBob episode, he feels a heavy stare. Buck turns, cheeks stuffed with cereal, to find Eddie watching with a small grin. “What?”

           “Maybe I should have sent you to camp alongside Chris,” Eddie says, “that way you could have had fun with all the other kids.”

           He swallows, glaring. “Shut up…” Eddie leans forward and brushes his lips across Buck’s cheeks, halting any further protest. Unwilling to let Eddie win, however, Buck redirects his attention elsewhere. Namely his blinking cell phone, resting on the coffee table since last night. Buck must have forgotten it sometime between Eddie kissing him and Eddie carrying him out with Buck’s legs around Eddie’s waist.

           Buck opens it, wincing at the number of messages.

           Eddie peers over his shoulder, spoon in his mouth. “Popular?”

           “Something like that…” He scrolls through the notifications. At the tagged pictures on Instagram and the missed calls, choosing his texts first. Sees five from Chimney asking about where his is and if he can come over. Then twenty from Maddie progressively growing angrier the longer Buck didn’t respond. Buck types back on the last message. Answers her ‘Buck I am not kidding you better answer me asap we need to talk’ sent at one-twenty-three with a ‘Sorry b there soon’ at three-thirteen. “I gotta go to Maddie’s…”

           “What for?”

           Buck scans through the texts again, shrugging. “Doesn’t say. But it must be important if both her and Chim were on my case.”

           Eddie knocks shoulders with Buck. “Want me to tag along?”

           “I’d appreciate it,” Buck tells him, “but if we’re supposed to keep this low-profile, I doubt showing up together will help.”

           “But we always show up together,” he argues.

           “Not after having fantastic sex.”

           “You’re right,” Eddie concedes, thoughtful expression transforming into one more devious. His fingers tickle Buck’s thigh before he squeezes Buck’s cock. “I’d rather show up after mind-blowing sex.”

           “Eddie, you’re killing me,” Buck whines, “I’m too tired.” Except he lays his bowl on the table alongside Eddie’s and happily relaxes onto the couch. Lying underneath the other man while he licks at his collar bone. Buck giggles while his friend’s stubble rubs against his skin. Absentmindedly Buck looks at his phone, scrolling through more apps. He opens his e-mail and sees the message from Athena labelled: ‘May’s Graduation Party Photos’. “Hey Eddie, the photos from May’s party are here.”

           “What?” Eddie asks, rising momentarily for air.

           “Pictures!”

           “Another time, Bucky…” he presses a sloppy kiss at his jaw, smirking. Toying with Buck’s shirt. “Be with me now.”

           “Let me take a quick look.” Buck ignores Eddie’s pleading, opening it. Downloads the file and clicks the icon, switching apps. He opens the first folder, a photo of Buck and Maddie greeting him. “Oh, these came out nicely…”

           Eddie continues dropping kisses on different points of his body while Buck scrolls through each picture. “Really, Buck,” he gasps after sucking a mark onto Buck’s hip. A feat that usually leaves him panting, sweaty, and writhing in Eddie’s embrace. “Can’t this wait? Feeling unappreciated…”

           Buck threads his hand through Eddie’s hair, patting it. “Almost done,” he tells Eddie, “There’s another file here… looks like it’s only two –“ He cuts off, eyes widening.

           Startled, Eddie raises a brow at him. “Buck? You okay?” Nothing. Eddie crawls up and forces Buck’s gaze away from the phone and towards him, tilting at his jaw. “Speak to me. What is it?”

           He cannot speak. So he shows Eddie his phone, watching the blown pupils retract as the mood shifts.

           It’s a photo from the party, one they hadn’t realized was captured. Their first kiss. When Buck was so overwhelmed with happiness and warmth and, staring at Eddie, crossed the divide without thought. A quick peck that left them stuttering and blushing and unsure where they stood. Buck ran away, not waiting for Eddie. Moving until the other man dragged him into an empty room to explain himself.

           Buck had nothing. No reason why he kissed Eddie except that it felt right. Which he proved by pressing him against the wall and kissing him again. Eddie answered in kind, flipping him around and hauling his leg up. Thumb brushing his kneecap.

           They broke, muted sounds of the party filtered through the door. Eddie cleared his throat, “We still need to talk about this.”

           “Definitely…”

           Both men said their goodbyes, five minutes after the other. Promises that when Christopher left for camp, they would restart their conversation. Eddie drove straight over, card still in hand when he knocked on Buck’s door.

           Buck hung it on the fridge before they tripped up the stairs in hurried excitement, shedding clothes and tumbling on the bed.

           Talking came after the sex.

           “What do you think it means?” Buck asks, “Why would Athena send this?”

           Eddie shrugs, mouth flapping worriedly. “I don’t know,” he finally says, “Maybe she… maybe she sent without looking?”

           Buck rolls his eyes. “Karen and Hen had their photos taken but I don’t have any of theirs. She definitely saw this.” His mind works double time, connecting loose threads into a makeshift sweater. “Wait,” he says, pushing Eddie off him and onto his knees. “Wait, hold on… do you think this is what those texts were about?”

           “Texts? What texts?”

           “Chim and Maddie,” he reminds Eddie, “the urgent texts that – that didn’t mention what made them so damn urgent. Do you think… Athena sent this photo to them, too? To Hen? Everybody?”

           Eddie sighs and runs his hands up and down Buck’s shoulders, added warmth like a candle fighting an iceberg. “Athena wouldn’t do that,” he says, “I’m sure this was nothing. Maybe even a… a simple way of letting us know she knows and she supports us?”

           “Still…”

           As if seeing the smoke billowing out his ears, Eddie stands and offers a hand. “Come on.” Buck squints up at him, curious. “You think Maddie and Chimney know about us. You won’t know by sitting here spinning out. When we get there, we can see what they have to say.”

           Buck fights his smile, but a tiny smirk still appears. “We?” he asks.

           “Yes, we,” Eddie tells him, “So let’s move. I think I have a shirt that’ll fit, but it might be a little short?”

           “What about my clothes from yesterday?”

           “Please,” Eddie matches his smirk, “we’re not sure if they know about us. Why make it obvious by doing that.” Most of the tension from moments ago disappears with their laughter, Eddie ridding him of the rest by hauling Buck into a tender kiss. “Hurry,” he whispers, “because if we stay here any longer, I won’t want to leave the house until tomorrow.”

           “Tempting…” Buck pushes off, smiling. “Very tempting, but I already promised Maddie. She’s mad enough at me as it is.” Eddie tries catching his wrist one more time but Buck, aware of this trick, dodges at the last second and bounces off. The other man chases with great speed.

           The playfulness helps distract Buck from the impending appointment with his sister and their friend. And leaves him grateful that he and Eddie crossed over in their relationship, onto the next level. Into what it was always meant to be, what it kept building towards over the years. Abby’s return the final push giving Buck the clarity he needed in understanding his feelings.

           When the hurt finally stopped, the loneliness he expected to follow didn’t. Because Buck had his sister. The one-eighteen. Christopher and Eddie.

           Especially Eddie. Especially when his lips tickle his neck, and delays them further.

                                     -----------------------------------------

           Maddie paces the floor, chewing on a bite of pickle. “What’s taking him so long?” she asks Chimney, her boyfriend watching from a nearby couch. “I swear, if he isn’t in this room in the next five minutes…”

           Chimney stands, walking towards her. “I’m sure he has his reasons,” he tells her, “he didn’t answer his phone until – what? Three? Maybe he was busy.”

           “Too busy to answer a text?” She pokes his chest, huffing. “Too busy to get his ass over here and learn that he’s about to be an uncle?”

           “Well, you didn’t tell him he was going to be an uncle in the text so he probably didn’t think it was that urgent.”

           She glares, readying another onslaught. Luckily for Chimney they hear the buzzer for his apartment ring. Maddie shoves the rest of the pickle in her mouth, nodding at the door. “Let them in and bring them into the dining room.”

           “Anything else, my queen?”

           Maddie ignores him, setting at the table with her hands folded. Listens while Chimney speaks into the intercom and lets Buck up. In the minutes between that and Buck arriving, she thinks. About what it felt like seeing both plus signs appear on the pregnancy tests and the cocktail of emotions erupting within like a volcano. Happiness and excitement, but also fear. Worry over whether she was ready, or if she would be a good parent. Memories of her own childhood flooded and distracted Maddie until she broke free from their chains and realized Chimney spoke to her in the living room.

           He tried, but in the days that followed Maddie’s party her nerves only shredded further. She needed her brother. And when Maddie mustered the strength and reached out, he kept her waiting.

           Anger won out when she laid eyes on him, incised further when she notices Eddie. “Is that why you weren’t answering me? Too busy ‘hanging out’?” The exaggerated quotes make Buck flinch in a way he hadn’t in years. Not since he was a little kid. And she finds herself back in Hershey once more. And Maddie’s doubt in her skill doubles.

           “Sorry Maddie,” he says, stepping into the dining room, “time just got away from us and… we came as fast as we could?”

           She glances between them, both men with reticent expressions. As quickly as it arrived, the fire inside fizzled into embers. “I’m sorry,” she says, kneading at her temple, “I’ve just been… a little stressed.”

           “Stressed, why?”

           Chimney answers, “Because of recent developments. Recent developments that we wanted to speak to you about.” He glances at Eddie, frowning. “Eddie…”

           Eddie points at the living room, shrugging. “I can wait in there while you talk –“

           “No,” Maddie stops him, “no you can join.” She looks at Chimney, smiling. “I don’t see why he shouldn’t be here, right?”

           “I guess.”

           Buck and Eddie share a cryptid look, slowly sitting across from Maddie and Chimney. Her brother fidgets, tugging on his fingers in the nervous way he would when mom or dad lectured him after landing in trouble. Although why he did it now, Maddie was unsure of. She reached across and grabbed his hand, waiting for when their eyes met to speak. “There’s something we need to tell you.”

           His brows scrunch up, “Yeah… I get that.”

           “It’s about,” Maddie searches for an entry point, unsure where she should start. “Well… you know at May’s party?” He tenses in his seat. “How we left a little early? That’s because Chimney noticed something and I – I put things together, and we had to go –“

           “Maddie I can explain –“

           “Because all these signs added up and,” Maddie stops, blinking. She pulls away from Buck, “What?”            Buck stares at the table, shoulders hunched high. “Look, I was going to tell you but, well, we know what would’ve happened if this came out so soon after Abby showed up. And the party was the worst place if we wanted to keep this secret, I didn’t mean for it to happen there it just did! We thought it was better to take it at our own pace and – and let people in when we were ready, y’know?”

           “Slow down Evan,” Maddie grabs his hands again. Squeezes until he gives her the floor. “What are you talking about?”

           He pouts. “I was… you brought me here because you and Chimney saw us, right? At the photo booth?”

           “No,” she says, “I wanted you here because I found out I’m pregnant.” Buck chokes, seizing under her grip. “But what are you talking about? Us? You and who else… and why should it involve Abby?”

           “You’re pregnant?” he asks, eyes glistening with unshed tears. Buck tries closing his mouth but he cannot force his jaw shut. “I’m… I’m gonna be an uncle?”

           “Yes, Buck, you are,” Chimney adds, leaning over the table. “But can we go back? What happened at the photo booth?”

           Maddie studies her brother slowly shed his shock. Replaced with cheeks redder than his birthmark, failing at subtlety when glancing at Eddie. Eddie hides his face, Maddie imagining it in a similar state. With nothing there, her attention drifts and latches onto the first clue she finds.

           A circular bruise on his neck near his collarbone. There’s no mistaking what it was.

           “Oh my God,” she says, “Oh my God!”

           Chimney sighs, “What? What is it!”

           “Buck. You and Eddie?”

           “Buck and Eddie – oh,” He sees them in new light, understanding dawning. “Oh my God, you two are dating!”

           Eddie reveals his own ruddy cheeks, hands switching tactics from shielding to squeezing Buck’s shoulder. “And you thought they knew!”

           “I, I – uh…” Buck splutters, cornered. He points at Maddie, “You’re pregnant! I think that’s more important!”

           “But you and Eddie,” she insists, “you and Eddie!” Maddie laughs, stress from the past few days seeping out of her. “I can’t believe – you and Eddie!”

           “Yeah, yeah, me and Eddie…” Buck slumps into his seat, glaring. Clearly uncomfortable with the attention.

           She sees where his thoughts drift, though, and tosses a lifeline. “I think it’s great, Evan,” Maddie says. Waits for when their gazes lock again. “Really.”

           His stiffness eases the longer they stay like that, until a gooey smile spreads across his face. “Talking about great things,” Buck says, gesturing at her and Chimney, “a baby? You’ll be a mother and – and you have to tell me how it happened.”

           “I think you know how it happened, Buck,” Chimney chuckles, “Plus, I think we should be asking that of you two.”

           Eddie rolls his eyes, slinging his arm over Buck’s shoulders and pulling him closer. Buck instinctively leaning into Eddie’s side. Maddie pauses, stunned by how well they fit together. Hindsight makes everything obvious but she should have seen this coming. “We can compare stories,” Eddie says, “but since baby trumps new relationship, you two can start.”

           Maddie nods, sliding one hand free from Buck’s hold and to Chimney’s. Tangling their fingers together. Uniting their family as they take their next steps into unfamiliar territory. Maddie expects the next nine months will be difficult and taxing. Not only with the baby but working while pregnant and then planning what comes after.

           With her family at her side, Maddie feels confident in handling whatever challenge comes her way.

[crazyrandomfucker]

Adrien Augreste: UwU

I’ve enjoyed writting this one also, ut I have to apologise because Adrien is not exactly the main character in this one. I hope you still enjoy it. ___________________ It was already past midnight, Adrienne was sitting calmly in her rooftop reading some comics while Adrien just mumbled about how unfair it was that he couldn't go to patrol that night per request from the bugs. Then, without expecting it, a crimson blob dashed through some near rooftops, followed by a scarlet blob that seemed to be scolding the crimson one. Without thinking twice, Adrien called for the bug superheroes, who actually heard him, stopped and headed tho the manor's rooftop.

"Is there any problem?" asked Lordbug as he landed without making any sound. "Oh no, don't worry, I just was trying to say hello, that's all" said Adrien. "Hello then" said Ladybug landing next to her brother, without making a single sound as well. "Isn't it rather late for you two to be awake? Aren't you two models? If I recall correctly from all the billboards with your faces we have to evade you're the Agrestes, right?" asked Lordbug. "You're spots on Lordbug, but I think the night still young for us" said Adrienne winking to Lordbug. "That's true, besides, it's not like they have school tomorrow. It's saturday and summer" agreed Ladybug. "Just spare them this time ok?" "Well thank you Ladybug, you're definetly my fav bug now" said Adrienne. "Hey, wouldn't your brand new boyfriend worry if he accidentally heard that you're still awake?" replied Lordbug. "That's a dick move brother" scolded Ladybug. "Well, perhaps he should come and make me go to sleep!" replied Adrienne flustered. "Tell him to also give me a goodnight kiss!" added the girl, causing a small reaction in Lordbug's face. "Pffft, geez sis, keep calm. He's only worrying about us" commented Adrien while laughing. "Oh yeah? Ladybug, could you two stay here for a bit? There's something I want to show you" said the girl with a mischievous grin, rushing to the lower floor. "I wonder what can she possibly up to" said Adrien.

In less than three minutes, Adrienne was already back there with a huge book and locked the door to the rooftop behind her. She shot a Chesire grin to Adrien and opened the book, revealing to the heroes baby pictures of Adrien, eating a banana without peeling it, dressed as a pirate, trying to climb someone's bed and so. Adrien felt utterly mortified and tried to hide himself behind at table, dying out of pure embarrassement.

"How could you sister..." said Adrien curling into a ball out of pure shame. "Think of it as a payback for pressuring Marin too much. Even if I liked the outcome, it's not something nice what you did" scolded Adrienne. "If it makes you feel any good, Mari is now giving away her best pieces of cloth as an apology to Marin" said Ladybug. "That's unfair! it was my idea, she just accepted to help me a bit" protested Adrien, triggering a subtle reaction on Ladybug's expression. "And that's why everyone ended up spying on such a private moment? And if you're so willing to take the blame for her, I'm pretty sure you won't have a problem to repay Mari for every piece she has to give up on and also share more of this embarrassing pictures" said Adrienne shaking the album over her head. "Please, anything but that! No more embarrasing photos!" pleaded Adrien. "I think those were really cute" said Lordbug holding his laugh. "Don't you think so sis?" said mischievously the superhero. "Wha- Ummm... Y-Yes. He was really cute- I mean- the photos were really adorable!" said nervously the superheroine. "I think you're spending too much time with Mari Ladybug" said Adrienne laughing heartily, which only made the hero blush. "Hey, that's true, you usually go to the Dupain-Cheng household. Is it like Chat and Kitty that come here because we remember them so much of their civilian life?" "Well, we already were friends with them and it's fun to hang with them as you know. But we mainly go there to spend some time with civilians. It's sometimes exhausting to be a hero and a teenager, so we just hang around a bit when we can" confessed Lordbug. "Is that so? I guess that superhero business is more of a responsability for you two. You could also come here if you want, our rooms are pretty big and we have lots of stuff to entertrain ourselves" said eagerly Adrien. "I apreciate your offer Adrien, perhaps we'll hang around sometimes. It's nice to talk to you two" said Ladybug diligently. "Do you want to come inside now? We had already prepared a Disney marathon for tonight and there's space and popcorn for two more" offered Adrienne. "We should get back to our patr-" tried to say Lordbug. "I think we can afford a few films brother, there's no akumas and it's a quiet night" said Ladybug and hold off a silent conversation with her brother, clearly winning the discussion. "So yes, we accept".

The heroes followed the models inside and made themselves comfortables in Adrienne's bed. They ended up spending the night ther, watching Mulan, Hercules, the Beauty and the Beast (which sort of resembled of Ladybug and Chat Noir to everyone), the Little Mermaid and more actual Disney films like Moana (which ,ade everyone picture Chat as Maui), Frozen (that one made Ladybug see Olaf as Chat when he's goofying around) and Ralph Breaks The Internet. By the end of the last film, Ladybug and Adrien were already asleep and Ladybug was resting her head in Adrien's chest while the boy was half hugging the heroine with a face like the UwU emoji. Adrienne took her phone but couldn't take any photos because of the darkness, but Lordbug used a night-mode camera function and took a handful of pictures, sending them to Adrienne's phone and to Marin's too.

"Thank you or your help, he's so much going to love this photo" whispered the girl with a big smile. "Marin is never going to let him forget thought. And I won't let my sister forget either" whispered the hero. "Huh? What do you mean?" asked Adrienne whispering. "You see, my sister likes him, not for his looks or fame, but for his kindness" explained Lordbug. "And why doesn't she confess?" whispered Adrienne a bit outraged, but keeping her volume down. "He's never going to notice the girl under the mask. He'll only be in love with Ladybug and I want him to love me for being myself, not a stupid mask" whispered Lordbug, impersonating his sister as good as he could. "Ugh, as much as I'd like to deny it, I think she's right. My brother is too oblivious to notice anyone and he's too much in love with her that he's just putting her in a pedestal" confessed Adrienne. "I know" agreed Lordbug. "Do you think we should awake them? They are too cute like that" asked Adrienne. "I know, but we do have to leave. I guess I'll just carry her without waking her" said Lordbug in an exhausted tone. "Well, thanks for everything. Have this as a thank you as well" said the girl, sending the hero a picture of everyone while they were watchin the films. "I'ts been my pleasure. Now do to sleep or I'l tell your boyfriend? teased Lordbug, before taking Ladybug in his back and disappearing in the night.

Adrienne smiled and went to his borther bed, as hers was occupied by her doofus brother. As she laid down on the bed, her phon vibrated and illuminated. She hesitantly took it and saw a picture of Marin sleeping like a baby (with his mouth all open) from an unknown number, followed by the message: 'Two can play this game Adrienne. Love, Ladybug.' That made the girl's heart skip a few beats as she burned inti her memory the cuteness of her boyfriend sleeping, almost wishing to be there with him to caress that beautiful face of his.

[afterspark-podcast]

G1 Episode 27: Transcript

Episode Show Notes

[This can also be found on AO3!]

[Stinger]

O: And so the Autobots are like, “AHHHHHHHHHHH!”

[Intro Music]

O: Hello and welcome to the Afterspark Podcast, an episode by episode recap of the Generation 1 Transformers cartoon, I’m Owls!

S: And I'm Specs.

O: Today we're going to be talking about episode number 27, Microbots.  Let's talk about giant robots today, shall we?

S: Okay.

O: And now in South America!

S: White people doing white people things, as they do.

O: Digging up pottery. [laughs]

S: And we know they're white people because they're treating it like a game.

O: Also, the male archaeologist says how old an artifact is, immediately after digging it up.  Fuck carbon dating, real men can tell just by looking! [laughs]

S: The female scientist hits something strange while digging.  Something strange, in very fashionable Decepticon purple.

O: Ohh!

S: Come to think of it her hair is about the right kind of purple too, I'm surprised the Cons didn’t kidnap her as well.

O: [laughs]

S: Or won't.

O: [laughs] Surprise!  It's a spaceship.

S: These two archaeologists have unwittingly dug up the original Decepticon ship, the Nemesis.

O: Which you know, on a tangent, kind of got crashed there in Beast Wars.  Ahhhh! [laughs]

S: The Decepticons uh, catch this breaking news about this fascinating find.

O: But to the Ark!  Guys, guys, it's a Preceptor episode!  It is gonna be a good day, he is so cute.

S: He is, we're getting our good Preceptor, proper introduction.

O: Yes, and he deserves one, cuz he is a adorable.

S: Preceptor is attempting to fix a microchip that belongs to Ironhide, um, and he's hurried along by Brawn, who's being a dick.

O: VINDICATION!  Heh, Brawn is a jerk, even to his allies!

S: And we quote, “Real work is crushing Decepticons, not fussing with chips.”

O: Perceptor reminds Brawn that they fucking need him, and considering that the Cons try to blow up the planet every other week through some roundabout scientific nonsense- yes, having a scientist on staff is a good idea! [laughs]

S: Especially one who doesn't, you know, blow shit up all the time.

O: Yeah!  Wheeljack is a very specialized skill set. [laughs] Preceptor enlarges the microchip to repair it.

S: Chekhov's size changing ray, anyone?

O: Why, yes.  Bumblebee, being not a jackass, defends Perceptor as Brawn continues to be well, a jackass. [laughs]

S: I mean, I'd have to wonder how... basically, the team works?  But I guess Preceptor is one of the newer people who arrived, so I guess it makes sense that there'd be some tension.

O: Probably, but- but Brawn just seems like a jerk. [laughs]

S: He is, he is.  Optimus orders Bee, Brawn, and Ironhide to follow him as they head down to South America to stop the Decepticons from getting into their ship.  Cuz the Autobots have also caught the news- the news flash.

O: Obviously, now in South America, the Cons are blowing up lots and lots of trees.

S: It's what they do.

O: Starscream is attacked by an absolutely gigantic snake.

S: It's easily as big around as his arms, man.  It's super big!

O: Right!  And then we have Ravage frolicking with an actual jaguar.

S: And you know, his method of dealing with it involved shooting a missile at it before easily batting the jag- the jaguar away, and the jaguar’s just like-

O: “What the fuck?” [laughs]

S: “Screw this, I’m out of here!”

O: [laughs] Right?

S: And Starscream is, you know, able to shed the snake.

O: Puns- no, no!

S: Starscream had better be-leaf that Megatron has a plan.

O: No, no, this stops now!  Bonecrusher is just trundling along in the back moving some trees in vehicle mode and I just love it.  I think my personal headcanon is that the Constructicons are constantly doing their actual jobs while everyone is being morons, and I love it.

S: Considering how many, you know, bases of the week the Decepticons have, yes, they are pretty-

O: Presumably, they're actually pretty good at their job is what I'm gonna go with and I- I don't know I found thought that thought very, very funny. [laughs]

S: Yup, apparently they're doing all of this to try to avoid Autobot detection by staying on the ground.  So you know, they can avoid the Sky Spy detection or satellite detection or something.

O: Which makes sense, but eh… regardless, the Autobots have arrived in South America and that's not Ironhide, that’s really not Ironhide?

S: Well, Ratchet’s voice is coming out of his mouth, so we have to assume it's actually Ratchet and they didn’t just you know, miscolor him.

O: Again.  The Autobots follow the trail of destruction left by the Cons.

S: Why did Prime bring the medic and two short guys?

O: I think this isn't this is an established pattern at this point. [laughs]

S: Oh, honestly, yeah.

O: Meanwhile, back with the Cons, Scavenger is scanning the ground in vehicle mode while Megatron is walking next to him.  It just looks kind of weird, like you know they can turn into vehicle mode but I- I still kind of- like, oh right, Megatron is twice the height of a dump truck, right. [laughs] Like, you kind of forget when you don't have things around it you know, compare it to?

S: Yeah, well, I guess they needed their geologist, and considering the placement of Scavenger’s um, backhoe thing, which apparently his scanner is in in robot mode it makes more sense for him to do it in his alt mode.

O: Fair.  They arrive on the dig site, just as the archaeologists were going to try to get into the ship, which is now more unburied than in previous shots.

S: The humans, um, flee, you know, drive off after they encounter some threatening laser fire with- that you know, misses them of course.

O: Megatron says, “Cut it open!”

S: Can't you just find the door?

O: Specs, Specs, he forgot the password, it has been a several million years, hello? [laughs]

S: Couldn’t you just, you know, get your construction crew to take the door off the hinges or something?

O: [laughs]

S: I mean seriously, there are less destructive ways to get into this thing for whatever you want in it.

O: Oh, Spe-

S: What if you destroy the thing that you're going in there for?

O: Oh, Specs, Soundwave didn't plan this out, so therefore it’s nonsensical as hell. [laughs]

S: [sighs] God.  And oh look, they blasted into the part of the ship that had exactly what the fuck they wanted.

O: HOW CONVENIENT!

S: I'm surprised I didn't accidentally blow themselves up.

O: The show would be over then what would we do? [laughs]

S: Plot armor.

O: [laughs] Megatron survived a planet exploding, I think he would probably be fine.

S: Maybe not anyone else.

O: Yeah, fair.

S: Megatron wants to play doctor on the ship as he extracts this thing called the ‘Heart of Cybertron.’

O: Apparently, he just wanted to be a medic in every continuity, who knew?

S: Like, I think he borrows a laser scalpel from Hook or something.

O: Yeah, like, he- he doesn't even have like, the innate um-

S: Thingy.

O: -equipment to do it, is what's funny.  But he does it, he doesn't blow them up.  Which we establish later this thing is explosive.

S: Yeah, cuz apparently this this thing is an energy maximizer, whatever the fuck that means.

O: Yeah, I know, who knows. [laughs]

S: And then Megatron just hands it to Hook and says, “Put it inside me,” and then lays on the ground, where you know-

O: What the fuck?  What the fuck? [laughs]

S: It’s an impromptu surgery.

O: [continues laughing]

S: And then Hook just kind of shoves it in there, where his spark chamber would be, I guess?  In a later continuity but this is- this is the G1 cartoon, there's no sparks.

O: There's no continuity, but I will remind you we know sparks exist, retroactively by way of Beast Wars.  Sorry!  Heh, this will be the soapbox I die on, apparently? [laughs]

S: Megatron is super buff now, metaphorically speaking.

O: But then Optimus shows up, and orders [an] attack.  [Clears throat] But, uh, wait a minute, so you're telling me that Optimus, Ratchet, Bumblebee, and Brawn are just gonna take on Suped up Megs, Soundwave, Starscream, Ravage, Rumble, and at least some of the Constructicons, if not all six of them and/or possibly Devastator?

S: Optimus has completely confidence.

O: IN WHAT!?!

S: Ratchet being able to out medic the Constructicons, I don't know.

O: I don’t know how that solves Megatron shooting purple force lightning out of his fingertips!

S: Well, I guess Mega- I guess Optimus doesn't know how to deal with it either cuz he takes it straight to the- straight to the chest and he falls off a cliff.

O: [laughs] Of course!  And a quick commercial break and Cliffjumper manifests out of nowhere!

S: Well, see, now that they don't have to animate Optimus moving, they have more of a budget to deal with all these other pesky characters.  So just pretend they were there all along!

O: Well, speaking of pesky characters- Bluestreak and Ironhide are here now too.

S: And there's-

O: Did I mean Smokescreen?

S: Uh, I honestly don't remember.

O: [laughs] Now- that may have- I may have meant Smokescreen, because for some reason I keep getting the two mixed up when I'm taking notes.  So, I do apologize, uh, but two more characters show up is what we're getting at.

S: Yeah, then they're both immediately taken out by Megatron's force lightning because, of course.

O: Of course!

S: And then Brawn.

O: YES!  Pay for your sins Brawn, your sins of being a dick to Perceptor!

S: And then Ratchet is hit, and then Huffer shows up, before getting immediately unlucky and he's like, “I hope I'm lucky!”

O: And then he’s not.  He’s not.  But now, iguana.

B: [laugh]

S: [sighs] And with that uh, lovely lizardly intermission.

B: [laugh]

S: Smokescreen is trying to rouse Prime.

O: Prime is up, but Windcharger is down. [laughs]

S: Okay, so, um, so is the going rate for Optimi six Autobots or are they all going to go away now that Optimus is up?

O: [still laughing] Who knows?  But Optimus apparently knows about the Heart of Cybertron which is the thing that he- that was just shoved into Megs that I have to ask, “How?”

S: Apparently, they just didn't give a damn about finding it before now, or they thought it was maybe in the ocean, though I don't know why they wouldn't have been concerned about that considering…

O: Yeah, cuz they- again, we establish later it is explosive. [laughs]

S: Yes, and also that the Decepticons live in the ocean.

O: Right.  Now it is time for a Smokescreen to show us why his name is Smokescreen.

S: As he does.  Megatron angrily shoots in random directions while yelling, because he can't see through the smoke that Smokescreen....

O: Has smoked out.

S: Yes.

O: Optimus orders everyone to fire on Megatron.

S: And Hoist is here too.

O: They blast the hill, burying all the Cons under a rock slide.  Which no, Soundwave my poor blue son, and Rumble my poor blue garbage baby! [laughs]

S: We also got confirmation Grapple’s here too, as Optimus orders him, Hoist and Ratchet to get the wounded out of there.

O: Back at the Ark, Preceptor meets the wounded Autobots as they arrive at the entrance to the Ark.

S: God, that must have been some commute.

O: Yeah, from South America!  Presumably without Skyfire?

S: I guess?  I mean, maybe Skyfire just turns up, picks them up and drops them off, who the hell knows?

O: He was on vacation, and you know, they- they had to call him in, who knows?

S: Yeah.  And Brawn is continuing his modus operandi for this episode aka, jackassery.

O: Of course!  Wheeljack... was also in the earlier fight as he's now among the wounded, despite us never seeing him.

S: I think I can just assume apparently all the Autobots were there.

O: Right.

S: Getting their asses-

O: Most of them.

S: Getting there butts kicked.  I don’t know.  Uh, the Cons proceed to unbury themselves and then we’re back at the Ark.

O:  Wee! [laughs]

S: Preceptor is uh, also working on a wounded Powerglide.

O: Jesus!  I know we said it, but like, there were so many Bots in South America!  So many!

S: A good chunk of them.

O: Perceptor puts forth the suggestion that a group of Autobots should shrink themselves in enter Megatron to disconnect the Heart of Cybertron.

S: It's not exactly a bad plan, it's just if they had this before now we didn't they think to use it and they're never gonna-

O: Or some other, yeah… who the fuck knows?

S: And it's never gonna come up again.

O: But Optimus seems game!  Brawn is still very unhappy, but Optimus orders Bee and Brawn to accompany Perceptor into Megatron.

S: Preceptor’s so sassy about all this.

O: The sassiest of microscopes.  And I know Perceptor said they were going to be ‘microscopic,’ but I swear they're just toy sized.

S: I think you mean ‘fun sized’.

O: Well, obviously I mean fun sized. [laughs]

S: They’d fit quite nicely on your desk.

O: Wouldn’t they though?  Powerglide is tasked with getting them near enough to Megatron so they can infiltrate the Decepticon camp.  It is time for booze!

S: Or as a fanon and calls it ‘high-grade’.  AKA, robot booze.

O: Pretty much, so all the Decepticons get super drunk.

S: And everybody but Megs is passed out on the ground super stone cold drunk.

O: So what you're saying is, he can hold his booze then?

S: I think everyone else is just a really light drinker.

O: [laughs] Mm, mostly Seekers in all fairness.

S: And he passes out immediately afterwards, so no, I don’t think he can hold his booze better than anyone else.

O: [laughs]

S: I think he’s just got a better force of will.

O: [continues laughing] Powerglide makes the drop, and the tiny Autobots scramble out of their container and into Megatron.

S: Megatron wakes up and sees Powerglide and orders an attack.  But of course all the other Cons are stumbling around and not able to actually move.

O: Including poor Laserbeak, who nose dives into the ground.  Which is sad, but also hilarious.

S: And Megatron just decides that he's gonna deal with all this shit by himself and flies off.

O: [laughs]

S: Gonna be him against all what, two hundred Autobots?

O: Something like that, which maybe with the Heart of Cybertron he’ll be fine? [laughs]

S: Unless he goes boom, but I mean, I don’t think-

O: Boom baby!  Boom baby!

S: I don’t think he’s gonna go boom.

O: A planet went boom and he didn't care, why would he care if be exploded?

S: Well, if it's inside him it's going to be more of an issue than if it's outside him.  I don't think his armor has that sort of structural integrity.

O: I’m just imagining Megatron staying like, perfectly calm through sheer force the of will.

S: [sighs]

O: Or rage, one of those.

S: I don't think he's internal bits are as-

O: Probably not. [laughing]

S: -hardy as his outer bits, okay?

O: Ah, so, while he’s still-  while- he decides to take on all of the Autobots he is still pretty darn drunk, and I just want to know where's my footage of him flying straight into a radio tower or something?

S: [sighs] Meanwhile, inside Megatron, whatever passes for Cybertron white blood cells are trying to rid his body of the um, microorganisms that are being Bee, Brawn, and Perceptor.  Or-

O: Brawn- oops, sorry go ahead.

S: Or BBP.

O: [laughs] Brawn, being good at only one thing, which is you know, beating shit up- actually manages to destroy a few of them

S: He just tears them apart... with some oddly well animated movement.

O: Our motley crew continues on their micro excursion arriving at Megatron's shoulder joint.

S: And the- the naturally occurring gears, pulleys, and levers that the Marvel Comics say they evolved from.

O: Obviously. Cutting to Optimus, we are told Megatron's ten minutes out from the Autobot base.

S: Our tiny robots arrive at Megatron's brain module.

O: Why don't they just shoot it?

S: Apparently they just... I don't know, Preceptor and Bumblebee might have moral objections, but I'm not sure why Brawn just didn't do it.  It's a bad idea to shoot, you know, your pilot or the brain of the robot you're currently hitching a ride in.  You don't want…

O: [sighs] Fair.

S: You're gonna get kind of smooshed.

O: Splatted. [laughs]

S: Anyway, Brawn had the exact same idea.

O: Oh fuck no!

S: I guess he does have some good ideas sometimes but there, um- he's a jackass too.

O: [laughs]

S: Wheeljack tells Optimus, and by Optimus I mean us, that they have a force field up and it will only last five minutes under Megatron's attack so... are they limited by the amount of power that they have access to or just…I don’t know.

O: Um-mm, but we've got a 15 minute buffer, apparently.  I don't know why they keep giving us exact times.  Megatron arrives, and Optimus rallies all available Autobots to buy Perceptor more time.

S: [sighs] Bee and Perceptor pull Brawn back from Megatron's brain.  Perceptor also tells us that the Star of Cybertron is super explosive, so Megatron falling down will be super bad.

O: Right.  Megatron has started thinking, as brain impulses are starting to fly around his brain.

S: It's hilarious that Megatron just does a lot of stuff without thinking apparently.

O: Oh, I'm sorry, they’re evil impulses, that's important.

S: Yeah, I don't know how they pocess- oh god, do not evil impulses not show up like that?

O: [makes a bunch of confused noises and laughs] I dunno know.

S: Well, um, regardless uh, BBP hitch a ride on one of the impulses to the Heart of Cybertron cuz apparently that's how-

O: You get around a Megatron, mm-hmm.

S: Well apparently that’s how the Cybertronian nervous system works.

O: Apparently!  There's some really nice animation in this.  Is that why there were so few robots in some of the earlier scenes, you think? [laughs]

S: I guess they spent all their money on the special effects.

O: Perceptor advises caution when they arrive at the Heart of Cybertron otherwise they might set a bust the bomb.

S: You might set off the bomb, um, yeah, um, let's not do that.

O: Outside, Megatron gets through the Autobots forcefield.

S: As in, it shatters like literal glass.

O: Which seems to be a pattern with force fields in the show at this point.  Perceptor disconnects the last wires, the three of them grab the star, and book it out of Megatron's body.

S: Mass shifting all the way home.

O: Megatron’s face, when three Autobots climb out of his shoulder are- is pretty fucking great by the way. [laughs]

S: Bumblebee turns around and says, “Excuse us!”

O: Of course!  Megatron then calls them ‘retro rats’ and just flies off.

S: Oh no!  The star is to destabilizing, or the heart is destabilizing, or whatever the hell it is.

O: [laughs]

S: Because the heart destabilizing, Brawn heaves [it] into space with- I don't know, a massive swing of his short stubby arm or something.

O: [laughs] And Perceptor shoots it, once it’s two thousand miles away, causing Brawn to now be a convert to Perceptorism, as he calls Perceptor his friend.

S: Perceptor just looks happy about this.

O: Which, I mean, fair. [sighs] Uh, join us next time for, “The Master Builder.”

S: Or the Constructicons seduce Grapple and Hoist, with words.

O: [laughs]

S: Alright, so we have two fic recommendations, one from me and one from Owls.  The first one is, “Domestic Electronics,” by Bibliotecaria_D.  And it's an IDW G1 AU, very AU.

O: Very!

S: But it- it’s not rated.  Generally Gen, there aren’t really any pairings.  The main characters are an original human, and then there’s uh, the rest of the cast is effectively original humans or the IDW ensemble.

O: [chuckles]

S: [sighs] And in summary, “Once upon a job in retail, an average Joe took home a returned domestic electronic from the Transformers brand.  These are a glimpse into a normal life with tiny electro domestics running rampant through the apartment.”  Character or theme or rec is basically, it’s got a bunch of tiny robots.

O: [laughs]

S: The cartoon has a bunch of tiny robots.

O: Yes!

S: Or well, several tiny robots.  Just tiny robots.

O: [laughs]

S: At this point I think, “Domestic Electronics,” is complete and that's the note that we have on here because Bibliotecaria_D doesn't seem to be uh, active anymore.

O: But they have the fic marked as complete.  It seems like they were kind of periodically adding stuff to it even though?  But what's there is still really good, and I do recommend cuz it's very enjoyable to read.

S: Yep.

O: Alright, so my recommendation for today is, “Chronic,” by LittleMissSweetgrass.  The continuity is IDW, the rating is T, it is slash it is uh, the pairing is Cosmos/Soundwave.  Our characters are Cosmos, Soundwave, Rest-Q, Rumble, Frenzy, Laserbeak, and Buzzsaw.

And in summary, “Everyone had secrets.  This was just a fact of life, and ever since the war started secrets became something of a currency something to trade or exchange for more.  Secrets are what helped fuel the war and mechs had dedicated their whole lives just to find these hidden treasures.  Cosmos’ personal secrets weren't anything that would be considered interesting or sought-after since the war was over.  See, Cosmos was a mini bot.”

And then the type is one shot, but it is part of a series.  This is actually the second part of this- of uh, one I recommended earlier called, “Quiet.” It it's all part of the- the same series of Soundwave/Cosmos stuff.

S: I’ve read this one, it’s good, I liked it.

O: Ah, yeah, I like their stuff. [laughs]

S: And then I believe we also have art for you to recommend.

O: Yes, our recommendation for today is for Rikuta.  They seemed like they were primarily doing Prime.  They have a Tumblr, a Pixiv, and the Twitter, at least as of the last time I checked.  They have some really cute Prime artwork, in particular I like their Knockout, uh, Breakdown stuff.  Today we've linked some artwork of Knockout and Breakdown making flower crowns, a Cyclonus/Tailgate comic, and some Megatron/Optimus art which is- uh, I love all of it. [laughs] But uh, yeah, just, Cyclonus and Tailgate being Cyclonus and Tailgate. And uh, cute Knockout/Breakdown stuff, and uh, Optimus and Megatron from Prime.

S: I’ve seen their art, I liked it.

O: Yeah, I did too.

S: And that just about wraps it up for us today.  Remember to check us out on Tumblr and Pillowfort as the Afterspark-Podcast for any additional information, show notes, or links we may have mentioned.  You can also find us on Facebook and Twitter at AftersparkPod (all one word), and various other locations by searching for Afterspark Podcast, such as AO3, iTunes, Google Podcasts, Stitcher, and YouTube, just to name a few.  Till next time, I'm Specs.

O: And I’m Owls!

S: Toodles.

[Outro Music]

[starlight-parkers]

Being a Wayne and Dating Peter Paker Would Include:

*gif belongs to spiderling-parker*

Author’s Notes(s): hey cuties! Someone requested this a while ago and I completely forgot that it was in my drafts. Just a side note requests are closed! See my latest post for more info xx

Summary: You just so happen to be dating Peter Parker, but what happens when your freakily overprotective brother’s find out?

Warning(s): swearing and fluff

Being a Wayne and Dating Peter Parker would include:

so like

we all know that the Wayne’s have been through some tough shit

So y’all are really closely knit

That being said, you have four really overprotective brothers who would do anything to stop you from dating.

PsSh

That never stopped you honey ️

So let’s say, you’ve been dating Peter for around a year.

He’s never been to your house or even met your family bc you know™️ he wouldn’t last a second around your brothers

“(Y/N)? Why haven’t I met your family? Don’t you think it’s kinda weird?”

“Peter honey, if you value your life, you won’t ask questions.”

One day his curiosity gets the best of him and he ends up at your address.

Big mistake™️

Curiosity killed the cat bro

Unfortunately for him, you’re not the one who opens the door.

So smol bby boy peter’s quaking in his boots when short stack Damian appears at the door with a scowl on his face.

“Who the fuck are you?”

*in the distance* “Damian don’t fucking swear”

“JASON GOD DAMMIT, DAMI WHOS AT THE DOOR??”

So then Jason, Dick and Dami are all at the door and poor bby Peter kinda stutters out a response.

“Uh hi, I’m peter. (Y/N)’s boyfriend”

LOLOL

Before anyone knew what was happening Damian’s launching himself at Peter who kinda does his spidey thing and backflips into a tree or some shit

And Jay + Dick who are holding Dami back are kinda like wtf

They accidentally let go of their younger brother who’s basically barking up a tree at your almost sobbing boyfriend

And Tim kinda just walks up to the front door with a coffee in hand

Takes one look at the situation

Sips his coffee

And goes back inside bc a bitch ain’t involved

So that’s how Peter met your family.

Dick Grayson:

the nice brother™️

would probably try to suppress his other protective brother mode

would lowkey be the biggest shipper ever

When dick meets peter it’s probably like:

       - “oh (Y/N) he’s so cute!!”

       - “LoOK at hIM heS adorABle”

Peter doesn’t know whether he should be scared or he should be relieved

Dick totally supervises your dates

Or tries to

He’ll probably be sitting at the back of the cafe you’re in and Peter points him out like

“Uh... M-mr Grayson we can see you”

*face palm*

Probably holds hands with you both after that.

Finds you and peter’s relationship very cute

Sometimes you wonder if he’s the one dating Peter

They’re always on ‘friend dates’

Probably been on more dates with Peter than you have

“Dick buddy, I’m gonna need my boyfriend back”

“You can’t separate us sis, this is true love”

Jason Todd:

the cool brother™️

probably gives the “if you hurt her, I’ll find you talk”

He’ll like, take Peter to his weapons room or something and be like “see this baby here, she’s my favourite. First time I shot right through some guy’s skull”

And you’re just there with rolling eyes like “oh my god Jason”

And poor Peter would be so shook™️

But you’d be all cute holding hands and brushing your fingers over his knuckles to calm him

Jay would gag

You’d get to a particular weapon and Petey would point to it “Natasha has that”

“Natasha as in, the, blackwidow?”

And Peter would look at you with a confused gaze and you’d shrug as he nodded to Jason

Jason would scream™️

Blackwidow fanboy at your service fam

He’d go on regular trips to see the  avengers  with Peter just to meet Natasha

Would probably cry

He’s really chill after that tbh

Would probably regularly take you and Peter for ice cream

Does not enjoy watching you guys suck face

Pretends to throw up most of the time

“If you guys kiss in front of me one more time I’ll probably die for the second time”

Tim Drake:

The fanboy brother™️

I feel like Tim probably knew you were dating someone he just didn’t know that it was the sPidErMaN

Probably did a whole background check on Peter before he even got to the front door.

He’d be the only brother who’s actually nervous to meet your boyfriend

So before pete even opens his mouth, Tim’s just spewing information about him like

“Peter Benjamin Parker. Age 16”

“Born July 1st, favourite colour blue and -“

“Tim... Tim you’re scaring him”

“Right sorry”

You’d leave for like a brief second to grab a drink and when you come back they’re both nerding out over tech

It’s actually adorable seeing both of your boys getting excited over Peter’s webshooters and stuff

You totally don’t take pictures

On the nights you’d have dates Peter would show up like two hours early just to sit with Tim and talk about Wayne and Tony’s tech

Call it a gossip circle if you will

“Oh hi Petey! I wasn’t expecting you for a little while-“

“Yeah, I’m here to see Tim?”

-_-

Like Jay, I don’t think he’d appreciate you guys’ PDA

he’d probably be fine with it after a few shots of espresso

Damian Wayne:

The intimidating brother™️

First of all, let’s get this straight.

He won’t admit it, but Dami adores you. He loves you more than anything.

As his older sister, you’ve always been there to protect him. You made him feel at home.

So in his mind, Damian basically lives to protect you. He views you as the only pure thing in this world and would do anything to preserve that.

You’ve had your heart broken before and Dami hated to see you go through such a heartbreak

So forgive him for being a little overprotective

Hahaha

Did I say little? I meant a lot

When he first meets Peter, shit hits the fan.

He just doesn’t like the way Peter holds your hand so confidently and tbh he really wants to rip it off.

He does everything he can to deter Peter from dating you but for some reason it’s not working

But he can tell he’s wearing away at Peter

Then one day your boyfriend asks to spar with dami

And you, Tim, Dick and Jay all share a look

So both boys start getting ready to spar and Dami takes it a little more seriously

Peter’s reflexes are much quicker though, since he’s spidey and all so that pisses your younger brother off

so he starts getting angry

Suddenly, it’s not sparing anymore and instead it’s literally peter fending for his life as Damian tries to kill him.

So you scream.

And everyone drops everything and you kinda run off with Peter hot on your heels.

You completely shut down on both of them bc two ppl you really cared about almost hurt each other

Peter shows up at the Manor one day, looking for Dami who almost slams the door shut when he sees your boyfriend

And he’s like “look, I don’t know why you hate me but you mean so much to (Y/N) and I know how much it would mean to her if we got a long, she speaks so highly of you and I just- I want to get to know you.”

And Damian’s like shit, because he doesn’t hate Peter, he never did. He was just scared of losing you to heartbreak again.

“I didn’t hate you, in fact I find you quite um” *struggles to say the word likeable*

“Likeable?”

“No that’s too strong a word”

And Peter just smiled bc even though he won’t admit it, he knows that Damian doesn’t mind him.

Extras:

Never being allowed to go up to your room alone

one of your brothers are always watching.

Always.

The boys will literally freak out if Peter has even onE tiny bruise. They always think it’s a hicky.

“wHaTs wRonG witH yoU (Y/N)??”

“What did I do?”

“I can’t believe you, tainting Peter’s innocence like that”

“OH MY GOD JAY THE BRUISE IS ON HIS LEG HE FELL DOWN THE STAIRS”

At least one of your brothers third wheeling on dates

It’s mostly Dick

They’ll literally hold hands with you guys and sit at the table at restaurants

When you go to the cinema they all wanna sit next to Peter bc apparently you talk too much during movies

The boys waiting outside of school for flash when they find out he’s been bothering Peter

Everyone hanging out in the bat cave to talk about “manly things” when really they’re just gossiping about girls

You totally don’t try and spy on these

It totally doesn’t work rIP

Your brothers have a mental break down when you and Peter get into a fight

They act like you guys are divorced parents

Will do anything in their power to get you back together again

You probably already have tbh

You just like watching them freak out over you guys

Overall you all have a really good relationship

Peter is the first boy you’ve ever loved

And you’re really happy that your brothers like him. It means a lot.

[oqpromptparty]

Hi everyone! If you’d like to take part in this year’s Prompt Party Week, just select any of the prompts from the list below and write a fic, make a video or create some art based on it. Please note that more than one person may choose the same prompt.

You may submit new stories or include the prompts in any of your existing verses (though all your entries must be posted for the first time during Prompt Party Week). 

Artists & Video makers may use any of the prompts, but there are some Art/Video specific ones at the bottom of the post.

I have condensed some of the prompts that were a little too long… and feel free to take some liberties with some of the more specific prompts!

If you have any questions, please tweet @OQPromptParty

OQ Prompt Party week will run from 19th - 25th March. Please don’t post anything until then.

Prizes:

Everyone who posts a prompt for all seven days of the OQ Prompt Party week will be sent a limited edition, one of a kind Outlaw Queen button/badge. These will never be available again, so don’t miss out!

Each day there will also be the opportunity to win another prize. You will be entered into a prize draw and the more prompts you write, the more times your name will be entered into the draw. I will announce which prizes will be available on each day soon.

There will also be a separate prize for most prompts included in a single one-shot/chapter (crack!fic encouraged).

And now! Without further ado, here are your prompts:

Regina and Robin are friends who accidentally sleep with one another, except not so accidentally

Roland is grown up and thinks he’s finally discovered how to bring back Robin Hood - but he needs Regina’s help

Regina eventually moved on, but then Robin comes back into her life.

Dark!OQ first kiss.

During the French Revolution, Robin is a  prosecutor who acts like a spy at court for Robespierre.

Robin owes the Queen a debt so she has made him her servant til it is repaid.  

Robin makes three wishes.

Co-Stars falling in love.

Robin and Regina used to date/were married. They’re no longer together but still love one another.

First Curse AU: Robin is in Storybrooke during the first curse and dated Mayor Mills while still cursed.  Then the curse breaks.

Robin catches Regina watching "Bridezilla" & "Say Yes to the Dress" and starts planning a secret wedding based on her commentary.

Regina meeting DarkOQ's baby (with them alive)

Robin or Regina get turned into an animal unbekownst to the other who ends up caring for them for a bit before the curse is broken and then it's all like awkward....you liked me as a fox.

OQ/Belle friendship.

Roland and Robyn meet for the first time.

No one dies and everything ends happy

Robin is there when Regina finds out she’s going to be a  grandmother.

Robin or Regina have a bad habit the other tries to help them break.

Regina is pregnant and she and Robin watch a birthing video together.

Learning how to snapchat.

Robin’s soul didn’t get obliterated when Hades stabbed him and his soul got trapped in Regina’s mirror

Page 23 showing up out of nowhere.

Regina feels burdened by the guilt of all the people she has murdered.  Robin supports her with this.

Cora tries to separate Robin and Regina.

Based on this story https://www.thevintagenews.com/2018/02/20/king-pedro/

Regina and Robin meet at a hospital as they both have to sit in a waiting room waiting for hours on news about some members of their family.

Dark OQ meet Maleficent.

Regina self harming and Robin noticing

During the missing year, Regina sees herself in her mirror with Robin's tattoo tattooed on her.

Regina finds out that she’s actually Zeus or Hera’s daughter and demands that Robin be brought back.

Robin's backstory for any story or as a stand alone for the one we were promised.

Underworld. Regina telling Robin about her father’s death? Some of Robin’s demons.

In season 2, Regina went to the EF through Jefferson’s hat, and meets people who escaped the first curse; her mother, and her soulmate.

Bladerunner AU. As a bladerunner, Robin is sent on a mission to retire a rogue replicant, Regina.

Facilier's magic enables Regina to speak to Robin one last time. (Feel free to include him being semi or fully corporeal if you wish.)

Robin or Regina have to pick up a drunk Henry or Roland.

Henry comes out as ace/bi/etc to Regina and Robin.

Robin gets jealous when Regina and Mal work together a lot on something in secret. (DOQ or OQ)

Vampire AU.

Regina and Robin have a big fight. Robin goes to Mal for help in understanding Regina's reactions and ways to make it up to her. (DOQ or OQ)

Regina has mad PMS (just cause I think Robin figuring this out would be hilarious).

Robin and Regina discover their respective significant others are cheating with each other. They support each other through the fallout and their sons decide to make them realize they should be together.

OQ Body switch.

Robin is thrown through the time portal and meets young teenage Regina.

Robin and Regina in an orgy.

They are rival vigilantes both trying to fight the villain of the town.

Magic spell gone wrong, Robin accidentally turns himself into a fox while fiddling around with one of the vials in Regina's vault.

After Regina experiences sexual harassment, Robin reaches out to comfort her.

Robin refuses to go to the doctor.

Screenwriter/Director falling in love.

Person A keeps having strange dreams that turn out to be OQ in a past/alternate lives and they’re determined to find person B again (for extra angst; person B is already dead in this life).

American Horror Story Murder House AU

Season 3 AU where Robin/Roland/Both find themselves in Neverland and join an unlikely group brought together by their need to find a young boy.

Dark!OQ finding & taking in an abandoned baby.

An AU where there is a terror attack.

One is a killer/Criminal the other one is trying to catch him/her.

OQ friendship as one of the original married couples from Grace and Frankie.

Regina has another adoptive child when Henry brings Emma to Storybrooke.

Why did Robins tattoo match the lion emblems in Camelot? Former knight? Rightful king?

Missing Year and it's Roland's birthday.

The Good Place AU

“I went to the museum to get some inspiration for my art and then I saw you staring at one of the paintings in awe but now you just noticed me drawing you and this is awkward AU”

Regina hires Robin as her stylist. Because of a misunderstanding she thinks he’s gay.

Drunk Regina accidentally admits something really embarrassing.

Robin and Regina in a witness protection programme.

Frozen AU

Regina dies and Robin can see her ghost, together and try to find a solution to bring her back.

Prince Robin has to choose a bride via competition for his heart and Regina is one of the girls competing (or vice versa).

Robin finds Regina after searching for her.

Regina being with young Robyn.

Soldier/Nurse AU.

Their first time together after Robin has been brought back to life.

Robin or Regina are royalty and the other one works for them.

Regina goes to visit Robin’s grave for the first time.

Rival detectives trying to solve a case.

"We have to be quick"

“Would you like to share the blanket?”

Strip Poker

Alzheimer’s - one of them gets it and the other takes care of them.

Regina realises that Wish!Robin was her Robin after all and wants him back. The Evil Queen isn’t happy at all with that notion.

Robin comes back without any memories, Regina has to make him fall in love with her again.

Regina doesn’t get to go to heaven so Robin decides to stay wherever she is.

OQ meet over the death of their children.

Robin proposes to Regina on a bridge.

Regina teaching (or attempting to teach) Robin how to bake something.

Robin is secretly shrunk and kept in Roni’s jeans pocket. She doesn’t tell anyone to protect him.

Robin accidentally ingests viagra

They are both criminals trying to escape.

You’re getting chased by the police and you just jumped in my car and yelled drive, wtf man

OQ go on a double date with D!OQ

Robin comes to bring lunch to Regina but he finds her very sexually frustrated having been interrupted by the children the night before.

Regina thinks Robin is cheating on her but he is actually planning to propose.

OQ Doctor Who AU with Regina as the last of the time lords, The Queen, and Robin as the professor/archaeologist/criminal/time-traveling husband she never meets in the right order.

"This can never happen again"

Robin and Regina realise that Robin’s daughter has magic, they try to teach her how to use it.

After last call at a bar, Robin and Regina find they don’t want to say goodbye

I Dream of Jeannie AU.

You’re the bastard who keeps parking in front of my house and you just caught me drawing a dick on your window… ugh, oops.

Rivals doctors trying to win a famous prize

“Your dog likes me a thousand times better than they like your partner and sorry not sorry I love this dog”

OQ at a strip club

Bedsharing

OQ in a Star Trek or Stargate setting

“Maybe we were the mistake"

10th Kingdom AU with Regina as Virginia and Robin as Wolf (but Fox!). Bonus points for bringing Henry and Roland along for the adventure.

Regina covers Robin in tiramisu.

Fantastic 4 AU.

"I'm really angry at you but also really horny so can we press pause on this fight and fuck first?"

Before she leaves for New York, Regina knows that Roland is going to leave so she decides to take him to his father’s grave to say goodbye to both of them.

Robin or Regina almost freeze to death and the other one finds them.

Regina takes Robin Hood on an airplane for the first time.

Regina visits Marian's grave to thank her.

The first time they sleep together after Zelena.

Partners, working on a firm together and lovers/couple off-work.

Robin likes to kiss the exposed parts of skin the EQ reveals (cleavage, back etc)

Robin and Regina's daughter breaking their first curse. Regina doesn't believe her and it tears her down a bit.

“We are trapped in a bank during a robbery, please don’t get yourself killed I’m actually starting to like you” AU.

OQ steal a baby (intentionally, unintentionally, whatever.)

D!OQ/OQ's wedding day.

You’re a sex line operator and I called you because I was curious and wow you have an incredible voice AU.

Regina dealing with menopause (could be brought on early due to magic).

Regina & Robin chaperone Henry's senior prom.

They have the house to themselves but they bet they can keep quiet. They end up losing.

Robin helps Regina see light in the darkness

One of them is caught masturbating.

Regina is overwhelmed and is drowning in her demons. Robin helps her.

OQ at Henry and Cinderella’s wedding.

Canon Robin and Regina talking about Regina and Graham’s past and Robin being jealous.

OQ in Disneyland.

Robin and Henry bond.

I’m a single parent and you’re my son’s coach and holy shit I want to take you out on a date and exercise in an adult way.

Regina planning a full weekend of roughing it in the woods with Robin and the barest of essentials.

Date night.

You seem to have slept with everyone on my block except me, care to explain yourself? (When’s it my turn because I find you very attractive).

Regina gets sun poisoning and Robin has to take care of her.

Barefoot in the rain - all of their “firsts” are in the rain.

Henry worries about his mother and confides in Robin.

Hook thinks something is amiss but accidentally walks in on Regina and Robin having sex he breaks his leg fleeing the scene.

Hades’ dagger splits Robin into 2. His dark and light sides.

Regina and Robin meet speed-dating.

Regina trying to cope with pregnancy hormones.

Regina goes to NYC and sees Robin with Marian(not Zelena) and she's jealous.

Summer camp either as counsellors or as attendees.

Teacher student preferably with Robin as the student

Roland falls ill.

Can't buy me love AU.

Chocolate

“I said i loved you one more time in case it would change your mind"

Two foreign strangers meet under the cherry blossoms in Japan (bonus points if Regina is dressed in a kimono)

Regina finding out she's pregnant and she gets scared of Robin's reaction. But he's very sweet about it and gets super happy.

Jealous Regina and/or Robin.

Roland and/or Henry getting into trouble for fighting and defending Peanut's honor when some kids start badmouthing her.

Regina as a russian spy, Robin the CIA agent who’s trying to capture her.

OQ in a dystopian AU (can be based on Black Mirror episodes).

Regina finds out through her jealousy that she actually likes Robin more than just a friend.

Roland and Regina go shopping.

Regina is a goddess of love. She is responsible to bring people together and help everyone find their true love. However, her fate is to be alone forever. Then she meets Robin and while he’s destined to be with Marian he goes against powers older than life on earth itself in order to be with her.

OQ as IT geeks who work in the same company and they’re so awkward when they flirt with each other.

Peanut's first period & Robin's the only one home.

Bandit!Regina injures Robin, then nurses him back to health

An English man’s heart is stolen by a Flamenco dancer on a visit to Spain.

One of them surprises the other in the shower, it's a really good surprise

Robin finds Regina's sex-toys, and he doesn't know what they are.

Regina attends Dark OQ’s wedding.

Secrets & Lies

Robin tries to put on a sexy costume but Regina laughs at him.

Movie night with the kids.

The queen orders Robin Hood to steal something from Rumple’s castle and gives him a reward.

Regina is the dark one and Robin has the dagger.

Emma ruins everything.

Fireworks

“And for the first time in a long time, I could imagine a future where I was happy"

Regina and Robin see a musical on Broadway together.

Drinking Game with 20 Questions

Robin and Regina have a big fight.

Regina turns home to a very drunk Roland. Turns out Robin thought the ‘Strawberry Woo-Woo’ cans in the refrigerator were a children’s drink. “What kind of alcoholic drink has a picture of _____ on it?!”

Zorro AU

Regina cares for a sick Robin during the missing year.

Regina/Roni has been in a relationship with Facilier when Robin comes back.

Childhood Robin and Regina meeting in the Enchanted Forest.

They almost get caught in any type of sexual situation by any character.

Regina is an artist, Robin is life model who poses nude for each of her life drawing classes.

The Love Punch AU

Season 5 AU: Robin doesn't die and now has two parts of Regina to deal with: Queenie and Regina.

“You can’t just take my child!” “I’m taking what’s rightfully mine.”

Robin gives Regina a ring.

Regina or Robin have physical therapy twice a week but instead of working on the injury they do much more fulfilling exercises.

Regina is an AI Robot owned by a lonely widower Robin.

OQ have sex in a library

Roland climbs up a tree, Regina helps him to get down.

OQ + rimming

Roni and Robin find one another in Hyperion Heights in their cursed identities.  Then one day, the curse is broken and they wake up

Queeny and Locksley bring Robin back for Regina

A visit to the museum.

Roman Holiday AU.

Regina and Robin "just friends" play a drinking game

Robin and Regina skype while he is on an out of town business trip

USA around civil war time. Regina, wife of a confederate slave owner, is on her way further down into the South when the train gets stopped by Yankees (Robin).

Robin tells Regina that she deserves better than her current boyfriend

Robin and Regina get caught getting handsy in public

Regina tells Robin that she saw his girlfriend cheating on him

Regina and Robin attend a ball.

WWI or WWII AU: Regina falls for British solider Robin.

Non-Magical AU - Regina and Robin are on a date when they bump into Regina’s ex: Emma Swan

Regina being selfish in bed.

Roland follows an injured puppy and gets lost, Robin/Regina find them huddled together for warmth.

“You are my future.” “But I’m not sure you’re mine.”

Anastasia AU

“How did my parents meet? Well, my dad was in jail, and called the wrong number accidentally, who happened to be my mom, and he didn’t wanna waste his call so he told her not to hang up. Boom. They’re 24 years married.”

Regina is an assassin hired to kill Robin, but when she realizes he is a good man and has a son, she decides to protect him instead.

A Showmaster falls in love with his new trapeze artist who joined the show with her young son in order to provide a living.

Robin leaves Roland with Regina while out of town and she has to call John when something goes wrong.

Friends with benefits

Regina and Robin get set up on a blind date by their friends but neither of them showed up. Years later they get together and find out about their missed opportunity.

Robin accidentally clones himself whilst playing around with a few things in Regina’s vault. Regina has to try and put things back to normal, though not without having a little fun first.

The Notebook AU

Mulan AU: because her father is too old and weak, she joins the army as her father’s son, trying to save her country from the looming threat of (e.g. ogres)

Castle AU: She’s a detective and he’s a writer.

They meet at a gala, she’s an actress with a wonderful red dress and he’s a musician. They start talking and they fall in love looking at each other’s eyes.

Robin is the royal heir to a fortune but is disillusioned with the customs and pomp of regality so he gets into thievery ... and Cora is out on the look for a new husband for Regina after the first fell through ..... (perhaps bandit Regina and Robin)

Regina makes Robin her famous lasagne.

Roland goes to college.

Roland gets lost in a supermarket and Regina finds him and helps him find his Papa.

Marrying your best-friend eliminates the risk of divorce by 75%

Medical AU.

High School AU - Robin is a new student of one year. Marian schemes to get Robin for herself by dissuading both Regina and Robin who clearly have feelings for each other.

Robin and Regina are not dating. Then Robin accidentally walks in on Regina when she's with a woman.

Regina wearing Robin’s sweater bc she’s cold and that’s all she can find.

Regina being a headmistress and Robin being a billionaire whose son, Roland, goes to the school where Regina is the boss. Usually the nanny drops Roland off at school but one day when Regina is in charge of the arriving children so happens that Robin takes him to school.

Robin and Regina make a pact that if both of them aren’t married by 40 they marry each other. They fall out of contact for a few years but Regina gets a phone call on her 40th birthday from a familiar voice...

A reincarnation AU where one of them is forced to remember the past lives with the other person but the other person doesn’t remember their last life.

Teen OQ's first time in the backseat of a car.

Robin and Regina are both celebrities (doesn't matter in what form)  and they've been secretly dating for a while when they are asked to perform in an episode of Lip Sync Battle and Robin proposes with Bruno Mars' Marry You.

“I only date for the Netflix passwords.”

Robin and Regina bond over their puppies Roland and Henry.

Regina sneaking birth control to her teenage daughter and Robin catching her.

Robin being Regina's personal trainer, because Regina wants to work out before her wedding but we all know that wedding won't happen now that they met.

Upper east side widow: While en route to her husband’s funeral (whom she murdered) Regina gets arrested by Detective Locksley.

In the EF Regina’s hair gets too heavy for liking and she wants to cut it with scissors but Robin has a different idea (cutting it with an axe)

Jealous Regina (when they aren't even together) and she gets all possessive, angry then takes matters into her own hands so they have a get together sex.

Regina takes up archery as a new hobby and Robin is her instructor.

Roland saves a litter of kittens. Regina wants to get rid of them bc she doesn’t want pets. They win her heart over in no time and while outside she acts all indifferent, Robin catches her being all sweet with the kitties when she thinks everyone is sleeping.

Art Prompts

Regina and Robin as Tessa Virtue and Scott Moir. Famous ice dancers in love.

Anything silhouetted

Drawing/painting of all of their kisses

The Vault

Regina & Robin's twentieth wedding anniversary.

Regina's box of mementos from Robin (Can be before or after his death)

Dawn's first light on the sleeping lovers

A midnight swim beneath a waterfall

WW2 manip (Robin using the pics of Sean from Timeless)

Nightswimming

Arguing in public

OQ at the beach

masquerade ball

Royal Wedding

OQ in Game of Thrones

Art a favourite fic

Song Prompts 

(for music videos but can also be used for fic & art)

Faded - Alan Walker

Rewrite the stars - The Greatest Showman

The night we met - Lord Huron

Sorry - Halsey

So cold - Ben Cocks

Every time we touch - Cascada

Sad song - We the Kings

Because of you - Kelly Clarkson

All I ask - Adele

Hello - Adele

Little do you know - Alex & Sierra

In my veins - Andrew Belle

Just a little bit of your heart - Ariana Grande (Alesia Cara cover)

You are the reason - Calum Scott

The scientist - Coldplay

I will survive - Aretha Franklin (Leopold or Daniel as “you”, Regina as “I”, and Robin as “someone who’s lovin’ me”)

Dangerously - Charlie Puth

I need you love - Calvin Harris (Madlyn Bailey cover)

Paradise - George Ezra

Say you won't let go - James Arthur

Naked - James Arthur

The one that got away - Katy Perry

My life would suck without you - Kelly Clarkson

Angel down - Lady Gaga

Secret love song - Little Mix

You always make me smile - Kyle Andrews

Like i'm gonna lose you - Meghan Trainor

Close your eyes - Michael Buble

Dynasty - MIIA

Classic - MKTO

Latch - Sam Smith (Natalie Taylor cover)

Rich love - One Republic

Just give me a reason - P!nk

What about us - P!nk

Better place - Rachel Platten

War of hearts - Ruelle

The heart wants what it wants - Selena Gomez

To be human - Sia

Dusk till dawn - Zayn

Just a dream - Nelly

Don’t Treat Me Bad - Firehouse

Demons - Imagine Dragons

Outlaws - Alessia Cara

Somebody else - The 1975

Hurts like hell - Ruelle

Too good at goodbyes - Sam Smith

Video games by Lana Del Rey

Goodbye kiss - Kasabian

Stay with me - Sam Smith

Tetris - Madlyn Bailey

Tell me you love me - Demi Lovato

Nobody - Selena Gomez

I want crazy - Hunter Hayes

In the name of love - Martin Garriz & Bebe Rexha

Gives you Hell - The All-American Rejects

Hopeless Romantic - Billy Vera & The Beaters

My Valentine - Paul McCartney

Are You Ready - Mike & The Mechanics

Dark Horse - Katy Perry

I Won’t Give Up - Glee version

Perfect - Ed Sheeran

Into You - Ariana Grande

Gorgeous - Taylor Swift

Theme prompts for Videos:

Fanfic Trailers.

Movie trailers.

AU videos.

S7 AU Trailer.

Missing Year

OQ Family

[one-of-us-blog]

For Your Eyes Only (1981)

Today Drew is forced to watch and recap 1981’s For Your Eyes Only, the twelfth James Bond adventure. Bond is on the hunt for a sunken bit of technology that could spell big trouble for the British government. Bond also gets tangled in an absolute badass’ quest for vengeance, and surely that’s going to end well, right? Right?

Keep reading to find out…

Eli, I’m sorry this is so late, but you did a fantastic job with your last two recaps! I can’t believe you’re so close to the finish line! I’m going to keep this extra short to dive right into the action, but I wanted to say again that you’re doing an amazing job and I can’t wait for your next recap!

Buttocks tight!

Screenplay by Michael G. Wilson & Richard Maibaum, film directed by John Glen

We’re old hands at this now, so the standard gun barrel sequence holds no surprises for us. What is surprising, though, is that we open on James Bond bringing flowers to the grave of his late wife, Teresa Bond. Remember Tracy? It’s been a while! Bond doesn’t have long to mourn in peace, though, because a priest runs up to inform Bond that the office is sending a helicopter to pick him up. The chopper arrives, but Bond is suspicious when the priest appears to give his last rights as the helicopter takes off. Bond was right to be suspicious, because just then we cut to Bond’s archnemesis, Ernst Stavro Blofeld! Well, I mean, I think it’s Blofeld… We don’t get a good look at his face, but I’d know that kitty anywhere. Despite now being apparently wheelchair-bound and sporting a neck brace after his last encounter with Bond, Blofeld still has a trick up his sleeve and sends a signal to the chopper that kills the pilot. Blofeld controls the helicopter remotely and instead of just crashing it immediately and killing Bond easily, Blofeld has some fun and whips him around a bit. This gives Bond time to get control of the helicopter and steer it right over to Blofeld. He hooks onto Blofeld’s wheelchair and drops him into a smokestack while Blofeld babbles incoherently about buying Bond a stainless-steel delicatessen. At leas the cat got away.

After that bonkers opening, we jump to our trippy title sequence where we actually get to see Sheena Easton belting out the undeniable bop, “For Your Eyes Only”. This is a real slow jam, and the standard crew of naked silhouetted ladies even manage to slow down their flips and summersaults to match the mood.

With that banger behind us, we jump to a fishing boat which is actually yet another nautical spy base. The fishermen really goof up and accidentally haul in an old mine which promptly blows the ship, spy base and all, to hell. In MI6, M is informed about the accident; turns out there’s trouble, because the water the ship sank in ain’t that deep and now there’s a chance the damn KGB can get ahold of tech aboard the ship. MI6 hires a marine archeologist to secretly locate the sunken base and get the goods before those damned dirty Russians can get their hands on it, but he and his wife are both gunned down in front of their daughter, Melina Havelock (Carole Bouquet). The freshly orphaned Havelock regards her murdered parents and craves vengeance.

Back in London, M gives Bond the lowdown on what exactly is at stake here. The ship that was sunk was carrying the Automatic Targeting Attack Communicator (ATAC), which can be used to launch missiles from British subs. Bond is filled in on the deaths of the marine archeologist and his wife, and told they were killed by a hitman named Hector Gonzales (Stefan Kalipha). Bond is sent to Madrid find Gonzales and figure out who hired him to ice the Havelocks. Bond infiltrates Gonzales’ villa while some truly unexpected music plays all around him. Bond is almost instantly captured by Gonzales’ men, but then Gonzales is unexpectedly killed with an arrow to the back. Bond makes a run for it and runs into the uninvited archer: the utterly badass and utterly parentless Melina Havelock. Bond and Havelock make for his car but it gets blown up, so they take Havelock’s bitchin’ ride instead and she leads some goons on a chase that would put Bond to shame. The car tips but some friendly villagers right it and Bond, in a move that is as unnecessary as it is unwanted, decides he’s going to drive Havelock’s car now. Through dumb luck and none of Havelock’s cold precision Bond eludes the goons (to be clear, he totally flipped the car at one point, too, but Havelock is a lot cooler than him and didn’t pull a dick move by demanding to drive again because she’s not that petty and she has nothing to prove to this limey showoff).

Bond gives an absolutely insufferable lecture about the dangers of seeking revenge to Havelock who, much like me, has no time for his shit. You’re seriously going to try to warn her away from seeking vengeance after dropping Blofeld down a smokestack, like, half an hour ago, James? C’mon. He finally skulks back to England before he can get in the way of anymore of her awesome plans. Bond is scolded like the overgrown child he is by M and told to use some magical Q tech (which is really just an electronic sketch artist) to identify a man he saw paying Gonzales. Unbelievably, Q’s toy works and the man is identified as Emile Leopold Locque (Michael Gothard).

(How in the world has there not been a Bond character with the surname ‘Gothard’?)

Bond heads to Italy to track down Locque. In his hotel bathroom he finds a message waiting for him on his mirror, and it leads him to his Italian contact, Luigi Mario – No, sorry, Luigi Ferrara (John Moreno). Ferrara introduces him to a businessman and informant named Aris Kristatos (Julian Glover). Kristatos tells him that Locque is employed by a guy named Milos Columbo (Chaim Topol). I feel like we could have skipped a few steps in this introduction chain, but alright. Kristatos and Columbo used to fight in the Resistance together, but they took different paths and now Columbo is a seriously bad dude.

In the village, Bond catches sight of none other than Melina “Motherfucker” Havelock. That’s right, bitches, it took MI6’s most advanced Etch A Sketch technology, a ridiculous string of introductions and absolutely no effort from Bond himself for him to get this far, and this orphan got here before him with nothing but her wits, her thirst for vengeance and the ghosts of her dead parents to guide her way. Please, somebody, give this woman a spinoff!

Bond just can’t let Havelock tend to her own business, so he has to spy on her. Some motorcycle thugs race toward her, and Bond gets in the way of what I’m sure was a carefully laid trap of Havelock’s design. He drags her over to a sled and we find out she’s only here because someone pretending to be Bond sent her a telegraph telling her to meet him here. Aw, come on, writers, don’t nerf her like that! Havelock insists that Bond has no right to tell her what to do, but he slams his arm into her and forces her to stay in the sled. She tries to escape several more times, but he forces her to stay in her dreadful presence. He tells her to be a good girl and wait for him to do all the work himself, because we just can’t have nice things in this franchise.

Some ice skater who looks like she’s fifteen tries to sleep with Bond and he refuses her because even he has some limits. They go off skiing together and he ditches her, only to be pursued by more motorcycle thugs and a sniper taking shots at him from above. Bond manages to ski to safety for a moment, but the thugs, now joined by one of Columbo’s henchmen, are still on his tail. If there’s one thing these movies love more than a boat chase it’s a ski chase, and this one’s really goin’ all out. Bond eventually meets up with Ferrara, who drives to safety and he skates around with that teenaged ice skater some more. The ice skater’s coach drags her away so some hockey players can try to kill Bond.

He escapes in time to find out that Ferrara has been killed by Columbo. This never would have happened on Havelock’s watch. Speaking of, Bond meets back up with her in Corfu and she takes him on a tour of the local sights. Havelock reminisces on the views that her super dead father loved, and Bond unnecessarily comforts her as she processes her grief. Bond meets up with Kristatos in a casino, and Kristatos warns him again about how bad of a dude Columbo is. Unbeknownst to Bond or Kristatos, they’re being recorded by one of Columbo’s goons. Bond decides to make a move on Columbo’s mistress, Countess Lisl von Schlaf (Cassandra Harris). He successfully beds her, and she admits she knows he’s a spy and she’s supposed to get intel out of him.

Bond and the Countess go for a walk on the beach after banging all night long, and suddenly Locque shows up and Red Asphalts von Schlaf with a dune buggy. Locque is about to kill Bond, but suddenly Columbo’s men show up, chase Locque away and capture Bond. Columbo explains to Bond that Kristatos is actually the bad guy in all of this, he hired Locque and he’s working with the KGB to get the ATAC. Bond doesn’t immediately buy this, but Columbo gives him a gun as a show of good faith and the two get smashed on brandy. That night, they head to Kristatos’ warehouses where he’s secretly processing opium. Inside the warehouse they also find some old mines, so it turns out that fishing accident at the beginning of the movie was no accident.

Locque makes a break for it in a car, but Bond manages to shoot him and cause him to swerve nearly off a cliff. In revenge for the death of Bond’s best friend in the world, Luigi Ferrara, he cold-bloodedly kicks the car and causes it to fall to the rocks below, killing Locque. Afterward Bond tracks down Havelock, who’s busy carrying on her mega-dead father’s work in marine archeology and generally has no time for Bond’s bullshit. They head back onto her dead parents’ boat and Bond fills her in on the sitch with Kristatos. Havelock expertly translates some of her father’s notes and singlehandedly figures out where the sunken ship containing ATAC is located. She steers a minisub to the ship’s location while Bond makes himself as useful as balls on a dildo and slows her down at every turn.

The two suit up and head into the sunken ship, but Kristatos is lurking above and knows someone’s messing around near the ATAC. Havelock is naturally startled when confronted by a bunch of drowned sailors, and Bond takes the opportunity to condescend to her and tell her to go back to the safety of the sub. She says fuck that noise, and gets to work finding ATAC while he’s busy jerking himself off in his wetsuit. The two begin cutting ATAC free of the ship, but suddenly one of Kristatos’ men bursts in and knocks Bond aside like the sidekick he is. This allows the henchman to get ahold of Havelock and sever her air hose, much like her parents were severed from their mortal coil. While Havelock valiantly struggles with henchman, Bond manages to slap a bomb on his back and the two swim to safety, ATAC in hand, as he explodes.

Despite Havelock literally growing up around this sort of stuff, Bond takes it upon himself to coddle her once they get back to the sub and even decides to pilot it himself (it’s that car ride all over again!). Unfortunately, Kristatos has a mini sub of its own, and the two subs BattleBots it out for a while before Bond manages to steer them to safety, nearly destroying a priceless archeological site (and by extension, the life’s work of Havelock and the death’s work of her father) in the process. They finally make it back to the surface, but Kristatos is waiting for them and he seizes the ATAC. Havelock is worried about the men she left on the boat, but Bond only cares about being a big strong man and making sure Havelock is let go. Yeah, because she’s definitely going to just walk away from the guy who killed her parents and now apparently fed her crew to sharks, dumbass. There’s an incredibly gross moment where one of Kristatos’ disgusting henchmen cut Havelock out of her wetsuit, then Bond and Havelock are trussed up and dragged through the water behind Kristatos’ boat.

Bond and Havelock get raked over some coral and some sharks almost much ‘em, but Bond manages to cut their bindings and they make it back to Havelock’s dead parents’ boat. Thanks to a pet parrot formerly owned by the late Mr. Havelock, they’re informed of where Kristatos is hiding the ATAC. Bond, Havelock, Columbo and some of Columbo’s men head for an old monastery where Kristatos is holed up. Bond almost dies while scaling the mountain to reach Kristatos, but eventually makes it to the top and sends a basket down to pick everyone else up. That ice skater is here, too, by the way, but don’t ask my why because I haven’t got a clue. A KGB helicopter is on the way to pick up the ATAC, and Bond and co. fight their way toward Kristatos.

Bond wrestles the ATAC away from Kristatos just as the KGB arrive.

Now get ready for some bullshit. Havelock, crossbow in hand, is ready to bring some biblical vengeance down upon the man that turned her mother and father into corpses and orphaned both her and a parrot, but Bond, James “Drop a Dude Down a Smokestack Because Ten Years Ago He Killed the Woman He’d Been Married to For Three Hours” Bond, James “Kicks a Car Off a Cliff and Kills a Man in Retaliation for the Death of a Man He’d Known for Five Minutes” Bond, gets in her way and tells her this just isn’t the way. She hesitates, influenced by Bond’s buffoonery, and Kristatos draws a knife. Then Columbo, fucking Columbo, the guy absolutely everyone has forgotten at this point, gets to save the day and kill Kristatos by shooting him in the back. Right in front of Havelock. The orphan. The vengeful assassin. The ruthless huntress who had gone halfway around the world to unleash hell upon those who had wronged her. The guy who was responsible for the obliteration of her parents is killed by a completely ancillary character RIGHT IN FRONT OF HER, and she was denied the vengeance that was undeniably hers by right of blood and grief because James fucking Bond had to mansplain morality to her two hours after dropping a crippled man down a smokestack and then making a pun about it.

Bond throws the ATAC off a cliff instead of letting the KGB have it. The KGB leave. Bond and Havelock fuck on a boat. Margaret Thatcher talks to the parrot.

The End

~~~~~

I’ve got to say, I’m pretty damn mad right now. This had the potential to be an absolutely amazing movie. The look of righteous fury in Havelock’s eyes as she stood over the bodies of her murdered parents honestly gave me chills. She shot an assassin with an arrow and drove in a high speed chase like a badass. Then Bond came into her story and she was completely declawed. Bond gets revenge on Blofeld for killing Tracy. Bond gets revenge on some dude whose name I can’t even remember for killing Ferrara. But Havelock? No, Havelock doesn’t get revenge. Havelock isn’t allowed to avenge the deaths of her mother and father. And then, as if that weren’t enough, we’re slapped in the face by Columbo being the one to kill Kristatos. If Kristatos was going to die, why the FUCK couldn’t Havelock be the one to kill him? I’ve been confused and frustrated by parts of these movies in the past, but never, in 12 whole films, have I felt this genuinely furious. The writers of this movie took a character like Havelock, who could have been an absolute badass angel of wrath on a holy quest for vengeance, who could have been an equal to Bond and could have elevated him to his best, who could have delivered an incredibly powerful and satisfying story, and then they took a big dump right on her face.

That’s not even taking into account the other things about this movie that suck. The music, aside from the titular song, isn’t good. Why is that ice skater in the movie at all? Why did we need to go through fifty different dudes to get to Kristatos and Columbo? This movie is a mess, and I’m very angry about it.

I give For Your Eyes Only QQ on the Five Q Scale.

It’s the final countdown! Before I post my next James Bond recap, Eli will have posted his recaps of both “Home Again Rose” and “One Flew Out of the Cuckoo’s Nest”, the penultimate and final episodes of The Golden Girls, respectively. We’ve still got a whole season of The Golden Palace to cover, but this will still be a monumental achievement on Eli’s part and I can’t believe it’s come so soon! You’ve done my Golden Girls-loving heart proud, Chief! I can’t wait to read those final recaps, and then after that (and after I’ve wiped a tear or two from my eyes) I’ll be back with my recap of the James Bond film with arguably the most famous name, Octopussy.

Until then, as always, thank you for reading, thank you for nerfing and thank you for being One of Us!

[sanjuno]

I'm interested in that idea you mentioned where the Vongola brothers thaw Xanxus, pack up their followers, and go to Japan. (Tsuna getting four older brothers would be awesome.)

*slams back onto the blog* MY INTERNET IS BACK AND SANJUNO IS ONLINE AGAIN, BITCHES!

I call this one FIRE SHALL WAKEN and I straight up admit that I did not expect this much of a plot for something that was essentially an offhand comment I made because I thought it was funny but oh well.

Let’s begin!

So sixteen year old Xanxus discovers that he’s “adopted” before Enrico gets fatally shot in the back but instead of going to talk to his brothers he still goes through with the Cradle Affair tantrum.

>Enrico, Mas, and Fede are confined to the Iron Fort by Coyote because of paranoia about the Varia being more loyal to Xanxus than the Vongola overall.

>Squalo is bereaved because his Sky is frozen solid and proceeds to lose it on Enrico when confronted about why Xanxus went bonkers and now Enrico knows everything.

Enrico, of course, proceeds to tell Mas and Fede why Xanxus tried to kill Nono dead.

>Fede points out how interesting it is that Xanxus waited until all of his brothers were outside the Iron Fort before attacking.

>Enrico points out that Xan had been noticeably avoiding Nono but hadn’t cut his brothers out of his life.

>Mas digs up the security footage and notices that Xanxus said many nasty things about Nono but didn’t so much as mention his brothers during his ranting. (My how interesting…)

Enrico proceeds to move into the Iron Fort to “help Papa out” which translated into actual intent means “scope out the security system with an eye for breaking it and locate Xan’s iceberg.”

>Mas moves into the Varia mansion to “keep an eye on things”

>Fede invades the CEDEF on the regular to find out what they know and also to sow confusion because fuck you Nono is why

Consequences are suffered by those who took action without thinking! 

>Enrico also gets an up-close view of Nono’s bullshit in action, which he never saw in canon because it was never pointed out so blatantly until Nono (i) lied about matters of succession and (ii) froze Enrico’s littlest brother in ice.

>Mas gets to conspire with the Varia and has tons of fun pretending to be thick while plotting the demise of his enemies.

>Fede undermines Iemitsu in the CEDEF without actually joining that branch because Mas is the one who wanted to play spy games for a living and Fede is much better suited to being the Family troubleshooter. Also Mas and Fede poach several CEDEF agents because Sky Attraction and Iemitsu Doesn’t Deserve Nice Things bwahahaha~

Shortly after Nono’s sons finish “establishing order” after the Cradle Affair Nono and Iemitsu go on a trip to Japan (we all know what happens here) except this time:

>(i) Fede is keeping a close enough eye on the CEDEF to discover what the purpose behind the trip was and (ii) the Bros di Vongola are making plans to rescue their baby brother and leave the Vongola hanging without any Heirs at all because Nono certainly doesn’t care about the succession so why should they?

Instead of possessing people to arrange the deaths of the 10th Gen Vongola Heirs, Daemon Spade’s ghost is very much in favour of the boys rejecting their father because anarchy and Fuck Them All Very Much

>Daemon doesn’t approve of Nono, so the more the bros work against Nono the more Daemon likes them. The irony of them all packing up and moving to Japan to force Nono to clean up his own fucking mess is too brilliant to sabotage. He needs to know how this ends.

It takes two years for everything to be in place for the 10th Gen migration. Many changes from canon occur during this time.

(i) Enrico finally tracks down Xan’s Mama and Harmonizes her as his Mist.

>Goes to the Falco Heir’s piano recital and bonds Bianche as his Storm. Is horrified by Hayato’s treatment and frequent poisonings, draws emotionally driven parallels between Hayato’s treatment and Xanuxs’, and intercepts Hayato’s first attempt to run away to take Hayato in as his ward.

>Manages to Harmonize with Lal as his Rain over the course of several meetings with Fede for information exchanges.

>Visits the Bovino and finds Ottavia to be his Lightning, and she brings newborn Lambo with her because her sister died.

>Snags M.M. to be his Sun out of Paris’ Underworld Theatre District before she crosses the line and is arrested by the Vindice. (He’s there on business but yay new Element!)

>Enrico is somewhat disturbed by how much younger than him his Storm and Sun are and hopes that his Cloud will be closer to his own age or older.

(ii) Mas met Sparta (the OC I have as his Cloud) in his last year of the Mafia Academy. She gets along well with the Varia.

>Mas is being very careful and low-key about Courting Oregano and Tumeric into his Harmony because Iemitsu is a giant bag of dicks and also a toxic influence.

>Moretti the Murdered is Mas’ Mist and it’s hilarious because the Varia are So Offended.

Fede’s Lightning is Romeo Bovino who is ultimately distracted by finding HIS SKY!!!! and entirely forgets to flirt with Bianchi and thus survives yay

>Runs into Lancia while out shopping with Hayato and his Intuition says “Look it’s your Storm” and also Hayato is a vicious little savage who charms Mukuro and Co. and can sympathize with their experiences re. being tortured by your family. Frequent interaction with the Varia gives Mukuro and Co.s vengeance drive a constructive outlet so they don’t murderspree their way into Vindicare and also the plan to abscond will leave the Vongola Alliance in shambles and Mukuro wants to see that. So. Let’s be friends!

>Fede picks up Basil as his Rain while stalking the CEDEF because Iemitsu doesn’t deserve to have such a cute little minion and also the family resemblance is pretty obvious even if the kid isn’t a Sky.

>Accidentally Harmonizes Shamal as his Mist while tracking down Hayato and Bianchi’s medical records and lambasts Shamal for not treating Hayato’s poison damage just because he’s a boy (you irresponsible asshole) Shamal spends a significant amount of time repenting for that bullshit because Fede’s Not Having It.

Despite all the Harmonizing happening Nono continues to believe that the men he assigned to his sons are their actual Guardians.

>The bros let Nono think this because it a good distraction tactic and it gives them a guaranteed way to feed Nono misinformation about what they’re up to.

Two years is a long enough time for people to start noticing the shenanigans but the bros are good at being sneaky and also they all have Mists so good fucking luck getting a clear picture of what they’re getting up to. Then Nono goes to an Alliance Boss meting at Mafia Land and takes Iemitsu with him which means now’s our chance.

>As soon as Nono’s plane takes off the 10th gen defrosts Xan, rolls him into a blanket burrito, shoves him at his very confused Guardians, and packs the entirety of the Varia plus the Vongola 10th Gen’s personal following into a series of transport containers and take off for Japan.

>Enrico shoots Ottavio in the head execution style with one of Daniela’s crossbows before they leave because “fuck you, traitor” is why.

The Alliance is shook.

>Dino is still in training with Reborn (being around 16 or 17) and is high-key jealous that his Vongola counterparts got to fuck off and ditch their inheritance. Romario’s the one who digs up the old Tradition about “escaping” the Mafia by moving to Japan (which also includes a kind of “diplomatic immunity” agreement with the yakuza.) Dino wants to go to Japan too T-T

MEANWHILE IN JAPAN

>Xanxus is really fucking confused right now okay this is not how he was expecting his confrontation with Nono over his heritage to shake out (His bros picked Xanxus over Nono WTF)

>The Varia are honestly just happy to have their Sky back they don’t even care about technically being in hiding.

The Vongola 10th Gen buys a Japanese Mansion in Namimori and happily settle in.

>Of course their first order of business is to go see their baby cousin~ because “fuck you, Iemtisu, answer your wife’s phone calls” is why and also they need to get that Seal off Tsuna and also, also it’ll give Hayato, Mukuro, and co. a local guide in Namimori.

>Of course, the second Enrico peels the Seal off Tsuna’s Flames the kid goes into HDWM and Harmonizes with Hayato and Mukuro on reflex and also Hyper Intuition.

Nana is over the moon because her baby boy has friends now and also she 100% takes over as the 10th Gen’s Head of Housekeeping and before anyone really has time to think about it Nana and Tsuna have moved into the mansion

>Please take a moment to consider the repercussions of having five active Skies living in a single house who all love each other and want their family to be happy. The Harmony effect is soporific, wide spread, pervasive, and Namimori is a happy, peaceful town.

Hayato is once again Tsuna’s Right Hand but this time it’s Mukuro who is the Left Hand and the chaos is beautiful.

>TBH the way a less traumatized Hayato and a more rational Mukuro mesh and work together is surprisingly functional and cooperative. Also I’m pretty sure that the first thing they do is go track down Nagi for kidnapping purposes because of psychic links and Harmony is helpful for strengthening things like that.

>Which means that Chrome doesn’t get squished by a truck! Yay! Yes, they still change her name. It’s so her parents can’t find her neener-neener

Hayato and Mukuro are little assholes and are Not Pleased by the way Tsuna has been and is still being treated at school. They proceed to concoct a multi-layered, three tiered plan to take vengeance in Tsuna’s name. There are several lists, charts, graphs, and at least one Venn Diagram because Mukuro is artistic like that.

>Kyouya is angry at first because his territory but then notices how the herbivores have started to behave themselves and that means more time for uninterrupted naps and that’s beautiful. Tetsuya is torn between elation and terror because on one hand Kyou-san has friends but on the other, far more traumatizing to the citizenry hand they’re all amoral bloodthirsty monsters.

>Anyway Kyouya founds the DC, Mukuro sets up an informant network, and Hayato takes over the student council.

Tsuyoshi isn’t sure what to make of the Sudden Assassin Migration into Namimori but at least the Sword Emperor is too distracted by his Sky being on bedrest to be hunting down retired Swordsmen.

>Tsuyoshi should maybe think about starting Takeshi’s sword training because Tsuna’s gone and made friends with Takeshi now that he’s unSealed (Fuck Everything Tsuyoshi doesn’t deserve this sort of stress)

TBH Ken probably joins the Boxing Club and Ryohei’s so happy to the extreme.

>Kyoko will join the Mist Collective in Managing Everyone’s Lives because she’s nonviolent and also a bit of an emotional manipulator. Hana is the DC Secretary and gets along far too well with Hibari-sempai for anyones comfort.

>I honestly have no real idea what Haru is up to in this AU but she probably takes over Midori and has a very loudly dramatic rivalry with Hayato for brain-crush reasons.

Chikusa is getting roped in as Hayato’s VP and they rule Namimori Elementary with decidedly Iron Fists. With spikes on.

>TBH the fact that Tsuna becomes the Chairman of the Home Ec Club is the Best Thing because Tsuna loves his Mama and he’s only fifth in line to inherit still so he can do whatever he wants and that means fluffy homemaker comfort Sky who cheers on his Guardian’s shenanigans instead of a panicked stressed out punching bag.

>Tsuna’s favourite Vongola Head is the Fourth because FORKS! and everything is beautiful and nothing hurts.

TBH I have NO IDEA how long it takes Nono to find Ottavio’s body but it’s probably really gross by then because Italy’s a hot country and also between them Enrico and Mas and Fede stole all of the CEDEF’s upper management and Iemtisu is pants at sorting paperwork.

>Then there’s panic and anarchy and very strained Alliance politics until Reborn finishes training Dino and then Reborn is sent to Namimori to train the “last” Vongola heir only to find the entire Vongola 10th Gen

>Be aware that at no point did the Varia stop taking missions which drives the 9th Gen into frothing fits because they still can’t find where they’re hiding.

This time when Tsuna says he doesn’t want to be a Mafia Boss the actual heir is still alive, sitting right beside Tsuna at the table, and is laughing at Reborn.

>Enrico straight up tells Reborn not to waste his time and that when Nono dies/retires he’ll take the Rings but not a moment before then.

>Nono forced their hands when he lied to Xan, left him for dead in the ice, and tried to force his sons to accept ill-suited Guardians without ever admitting he’d fucked up or done something wrong.

>Oh yeah, Xan needed to be revived when Enrico defrosted him it was a damn good thing all three of his bros were there to help with that and GUESS WHAT HE DID TO TSUNAYOSHI?

Dino shows up and well now the Alliance knows where the Vongola 10th Gen are hiding out.

>Drama, politicking, shenanigans, IDEK at this point I mostly just want to see the FSW!AU Tsuna and co. get dragged into a canon!TYL adventure because that shit’s hilarious and is also an entirely new story all on it’s own if I want to handle it right.

>Because there’s no Varia Arc, although if Iemitsu shows up he’s gonna be hella surprised when the “weaker” Skies kick the shit out of him because the Vongola Bros have real bonds now plus their Five Sky Harmony and shit’s insane, friends.

Shit with the Arcobaleno will go down at some point and by now I’ve internalized a preference for Reborn being Aria’s Sun Guardian because “I’m my daughter’s Sun” is a glorious clusterfuck of pun combined with a Dad joke and Reborn would revel in that so much.

>Skull is Fede’s Cloud, which is fabulous and a match made with the intent of making the world a more interesting place and also I may indulge in my secret love for Reborn/Skull in this verse because Aria’s going to marry Fede. XP

>Consiquently, Verde is Mas’ Lightning, Collonello is Enrico’s Second Rain, Mammon is (of course) Xan’s Mist, and Fon’s going to be Tsuna’s Second Storm.

I kinda wanna see Spanner be Byakuran’s Lightning in this verse because reasons but also I think I’m done for the night.

Yay. XP

[my-dear-hammy]

Falling Through Time: Book 2

Masterpost

Jamilton Series Masterpost

Basking in Firelight

Part Sixty-One

Check

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Warnings: Bickering, and nsfw

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"-concluding, outwardly, public homosexual affections to be totally outlawed," Hamilton finished reading the draft of the bill Adams was currently dealing with.

"It's not outlawing homosexuals completely, but it's still disgusting," Thomas stated. He was lying on the couch, head propped up on an armrest as Hamilton lies on top of him, reading the bill from Jefferson's phone. Burr had texted it to him.

"It sounds like King George," Hamilton spat, tossing Jefferson's phone on the floor by the couch.

"Are you still going on with your theories?" Jefferson asked.

"Yes. If anything this only confirmed them."

"Remember the Sedition Acts he passed during his first presidency? These are the modern version of those."

"What? No, I agreed with those."

"They took away the freedom of speech, of the press. Not to mention making it harder for people to become free citizens of the United States," Jefferson reminded him.

"All necessary precautions for the upcoming war with France. This is completely different."

"Unnecessary precautions. They were refugees fleeing from the bloody streets of the French Revolution, not spies."

"I thought you liked the French Revolution?" Hamilton smirked. Goddamnit, Jefferson hated getting into these arguments with Hamilton, only because he loved them so much. They usually turned into heated, passionate debates and then paired with the fact that Hamilton was on top of him...

Not fair.

"I liked the idea behind it. I don't like what it turned into," Jefferson answered.

"They may have been refugees, but the acts were put in place to prevent spies and terrorists and the lot. If they weren't guilty, they had nothing to worry about."

"You just like them because if anyone refuted anything the government said, they'd get arrested and thrown in jail. Which gave your party a massive edge since Adams was a Federalist too," Jefferson pointed out as he absentmindedly ran his fingers lightly over the strip of Hamilton's exposed skin where his shirt had ridden up slightly.

"Not true!" Hamilton shot back, shifting slightly, accidentally exposing more skin.

"It is true and you know it," Jefferson hummed.

"Despite the consequences, it was helpful."

"All it did was just make the lives of hundreds of people even more brutal. Do you know how many people fled across the border in fear of being deported back to France? Do you really think they were spies?"

"The ones that stayed probably were."

"Alexander, you thought I was a spy."

"And how much sensitive information did you accidentally give the French Ambassador in casual conversation while complaining about me?"

Damn it, he had a point. "And what about everything you accidentally told the English ambassador that was always stuck to your hip while complaining about me, darling?"

Damn it, Jefferson had a point. "This has nothing to do with what's happening today," Hamilton redirected the conversation. Jefferson smirked.

"Let's not do this right now," Jefferson hummed in response, lightly kissing Hamilton's neck and gently sucking. That's the precise moment Hamilton noticed Jefferson fingers lightly grazing along his skin, tracing his scars, sending shivers up his spine, and the growing hardness pressing against his back. So Hamilton did what anyone would do in this situation. He carried on the conversation like nothing was happening, shifting his weight ever so slightly so it settled right between Jefferson's legs, just to drive him crazy. Jefferson hissed slightly but just continued working at Hamilton's neck.

"-and if you think about, it all fits together perfectly like a jigsaw puzzle," Hamilton finished reciting another conspiracy theory.

"You know what else fits together like a jigsaw puzzle?" Jefferson asked.

"What's that?"

"Us," Jefferson hissed in his ear, wrapping his arms around Hamilton's body and tightening them together. Hamilton could definitely feel the bulge underneath him now. Hamilton really wanted to see how long Jefferson could hold out, Jefferson was an extremely patient man. In fact, Hamilton wanted to see who would wait longer for something, Jefferson or Burr.

"And Lincoln Logs," Hamilton said.

"What?" Jefferson asked, stopping for a moment at the confusing comment.

"Lincoln Logs. They fit together like a puzzle too." Jefferson rolled his eyes and ran his fingers along Hamilton's ribs. Hamilton suppressed a shudder, "And Legos too, I suppose."

"Alexander," Jefferson said, pulling away from Hamilton's neck, "you're crazy."

"You know who's crazy? Mulligan. I love the guy. He's great."

Jefferson was beginning to wonder if Hamilton even had a train of thought and not just a cannon shooting random thoughts into his mind. "That's nice, darlin," Jefferson hummed.

"And when you get Lafayette drunk. Jesus Christ."

Jefferson knew exactly what Hamilton was doing and he was so not going to play his game.

Fairly.

Jefferson stepped up his game, letting his long, violinist fingers continue tracing his ribs. The other hand, however, slipped down and grazed along Hamilton's inner thigh instead. When there was a slip on Hamilton's utterings, Jefferson knew he had him.

"Without you and your lackies pressuring him into signing through something so unconstitutional, I doubt we'll have anything to worry about."

"You're just salty because I got the Sedition Acts to pass last time through those very same means."

®®®

Jefferson's fingers grazed higher and Hamilton couldn't help but open up his legs slightly. "Absolutely. I wanted to smack you around so badly. It was completely against the Constitution."

"Are you sure you weren't thinking of fucking me?"

Jefferson's hand stilled and he leaned forward into Hamilton a little more, ghosting his teeth over the skin of his neck. "I want to smack you for the Sedition Acts, but I wanted to fuck you for the debate you had behind it."

Jefferson could feel Hamilton's body flood with heat. Hook, line, now for the sinker. His eyes traveled long the smaller man's body and a satisfied smirk spread across his face once they fixed on the growing bulge in Hamilton's pants. It matched with what Jefferson was feeling delightfully.

"The impropriety," Hamilton simpered.

"Are you saying that when I dragged your ass in Washington's cabinet time and time again, you didn't feel the same way?"

"Dragged me? You mean I dragged you."

Jefferson grinned against his neck and slipped his hand higher, resting his hand on Hamilton. "This suggests otherwise."

Hamilton hissed, pressing back against Jefferson, which probably didn't help his evasion since that put his ass forcefully on Jefferson's own growing erection. "Thomas," he said, "Are we talking politics, or are we fucking? Because we can't do both."

"I'd beg to differ. I'm about to do both right now," he said, massaging Hamilton through his pants.

Hamilton exhaled, his hips twitching as he tried not to react to Jefferson's actions. "I don't hear any political talk," Hamilton ground out.

"Do I need to make my position more clear?" Jefferson asked. "Is my hand playing with your dick not enough to show that I'm against this new bill?"

"Maybe you should fuck me on stage while giving a speech," Hamilton smirked, placing his hand on top of Jefferson's and guiding it away from his dick and to the button of his pants.

"What a splendid idea," Jefferson replied, undoing his pants and smoothly pulling down the zipper. "How should I do it?" he asked, sliding his hand up Hamilton's stomach and back down, slipping his hand beneath the waistband of his boxers. "Lie you down on stage, straddle and just fuck you there?" His hand wrapping around the smooth shaft. Hamilton bit his lip and dropped his head back. "How about I put you on your hands and knees. Makes you face the crowd while I pound into you from behind. That way they can hear me speak, fuck you, and you moan my name the entire time." Jefferson's thumb ran up along him.

"Thomas," Hamilton said breathlessly.

"Or maybe, I should just bend you over the podium and take you like that," Jefferson stated, pumping Hamilton firmly. A small sound escaped the man's lips.

"Thomas," he started moving his hips, pumping himself into Jefferson's hand. "You've made your point."

Jefferson's own eyes were closed, just as Hamilton's were at this point, taking in the feeling of Hamilton's ass moving and pressing against him as the man pumped himself into Thomas' hands, steadily growing faster. Both their heads were hanging back and Hamilton's breathing was growing more rapid as his speed increased. "Thomas, are you going to do something?"

"You seemed to be doing a pretty good job of it yourself."

"You asshole," Hamilton growled quietly, thrusting more forcefully. "Least you could do is move your hand with me."

Jefferson smirked into his neck. "I thought you wanted to talk politics?"

"I thought you wanted to do both?"

Jefferson's unoccupied hand slid from where it rested under Hamilton's shirt, down and under his ass, squeezing, before starting to work his pants off. "I am doing both."

"I don't hear any politics."

"I'm afraid if I mention Adams, it'll turn you off."

"I can't believe you're friends with that man."

"You just don't like him because he won't let you control him."

"You're right. That was a turn off."

Jefferson chuckled, making his grip around Hamilton tighter. "Really? Because you don't seem turned off at all."

"Thomas," Hamilton breathed, thrusting into Thomas' hand and letting himself fall back down against Jefferson's hardness, forcing a grunt from the man's lips.

"As I was saying," Jefferson continued, having used the opportunity to bare Hamilton's ass and freeing his dick completely. "I highly doubt this anti-homosexual bill will pass. Adams has more sense than that."

"And if he doesn't?"

"He does." Jefferson loosened his grip despite Hamilton's noise of protest and simply rubbed his thumb around the tip, smearing precum. He was busy coating his fingers in saliva and didn't want Hamilton getting too far along before the fun started.

"You seem certain. What if there's someone pushing him to pass it? We could end up having to start all over again before we know it."

"Burr won't let it through. He has to sign it as well," Jefferson reminded.

"Oh yes, because we can be sure to count on Burr," Hamilton said sarcastically.

"I dunno. He's always seemed good at shooting things down," Jefferson grinned.

"Thomas," Hamilton said seriously, stilling. "That's not funny."

"I apologize," Jefferson said, starting to pump Hamilton again. "I have a feeling Burr won't let it pass for reasons of his own."

Hamilton breathed, starting to move with Jefferson's hand. "Which would be?"

"You haven't noticed," Jefferson asked, tightening his grip and pumping faster. "The way his gaze seems to linger on a certain someone?"

Hamilton bucked off Jefferson, moaning quietly. "No. Who?" He dropped his weight back down, only to gasp out sharply, arching his back.

Jefferson grinned, marking Hamilton's neck as the man squirmed around Jefferson's fingers, which he landed and penetrated himself on when he came back down. "Thomas," he moaned. "You sly asshole."

Jefferson wiggled his fingers. "Who me? You did that yourself. And my my, you're already nice and loose."

"That's what happens when you fuck me regularly."

"What else were we supposed to do? We were stuck in the house together by an unruly mob bent on our coupling."

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***

"I'm surprised you weren't more upset about what Adams is trying to do," Hamilton said. They were lying together in bed while Hamilton traced circles on Jefferson dark skin.

Jefferson sat up and swung his legs over the edge of the bed, stretching out his arms before standing. "I'm pissed. But not at Adams. I know he won't let it through. I mad that it got that far. All the way through Congress? So quickly? That pisses me off."

Hamilton rolled on his side and watched Jefferson pull on a robe, "You don't seem like it."

"That's because I don't start screaming in people's faces when I'm pissed like someone I know."

"Shut the fuck up."

Jefferson turned toward him and grinned, closed the distance between them with one long stride, and planted a kiss right on Hamilton's lips. "Make me," he growled and pulled away, going back to what he was doing.

"So what're we going to do about it?"

"We've gotta stop this bill in its tracks. There's only one course of action that's guaranteed to get us somewhere."

"Oh? And what's that?"

"We run for president again."

Hamilton smiled, "I thought you retired."

"I did. And now I'm going to spend my retirement making sure no one screws up this country before I die."

"Presidents then."

Of course, they still had a while before they could actually do that. Adams' term had to end and elections to take place. Until then, Jefferson focused on rebuilding his fortune and Hamilton got a job as a lawyer. Jefferson would have as well, but his business took him out of state a lot and he couldn't juggle cases along with it.

Hamilton ended up proving himself as an excellent lawyer once again and raked in a good income, enough for them to keep Jefferson's house and for Hamilton to book a hotel room, at a discounted price, of course, he was a war hero and ex-president after all.

As time passed, Jefferson slowly got his investments smoothed out and his income grew as well, allowing him to eventually rebuy all the land he had sold. Hamilton was extremely tempted to write to Congress and just ask for a reimbursement for Jefferson's lost money, so tempted in fact, that at one point he had a pen in hand and paper on the desk before him. He knew that Jefferson would be upset if he did and they had a livable income now. If it had been Hamilton's money, he would have done it ages ago, but it wasn't, so he set down his pen with a sigh.

That's when someone pounded on Hamilton's door. When he opened it, he was shocked to find a breathless Laurens bent over his knees, trying to catch his breath after running so hard.

"Alex!" he half yelled, half gasped for air, "Thank God you're home!"

"What is it, John?" Hamilton knew something was wrong, Laurens was pale and sweaty, shaking slightly. He wouldn't have run if there wasn't something wrong. Hamilton reached forward and steadied him as John gulped down air.

"The Manor. Trouble."

"Breathe, John. Tell me what happened." Hamilton was already dialing Jefferson.

"Goveys at the Manor. Adams, Burr and everyone else in trouble. Don't know how it happened," he said slightly more clearly, still breathing hard.

"Fuck."

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