#he 100% wanted Sean to push his way inside

[thequeenofsastiel]

White: Throws the door open so hard that it bangs against the wall when he sees Sean behind it.

Also White: Says he doesn't want to talk to Sean.

[thebookreader12345]

Shouting Match

Pairing: Sean Roman x Halstead! reader

Summary: Y/N and Sean were in what seemed like the perfect relationship, but when a close friend gets hurt, the two realize there were many faults between them and an argument ensues

Requested: Yes, by anonymous

Warnings: slight swearing, mentions of alcohol and gunshot wounds

Word Count: 1,777 Words

"Jay, for the last time, I'm not gonna break up with Sean just because you don't like him," I tell my older brother.

"Why not, Y/N? I'd say that's a pretty good reason," Jay retorted as he followed me out to my car.

We had just spent the past 2 hours hanging out at Molly's so that we could catch up because it had been a while since we'd spent time together. But of course, as soon as the topic of relationships came up, a debate started that I had not wanted to get into.

"Look, Jay. I get that he's got beef with Intelligence, and they're practically your second family, but Sean's a really great guy. And once you get over whatever the hell has you fixated on him being an asshole, you'll see that. Now, I've got an early shift at Med tomorrow, and if I'm late, Will is gonna have my head. I'll talk to you tomorrow," I say before climbing into my car.

The ride to the apartment was pretty short, 5 minutes tops, and I was just happy to be home. I climbed out of my car and entered the complex, taking the stairs to get to the second floor of the building. From there, it was only a matter of seconds before I got to my door and unlocked it.

"Hey," Sean greeted from the couch as I came through the door. It wasn't weird for Sean to be in my apartment when I got home. Occasionally he'd come over so we could spend a bit of time together before our next shifts.

"Hey," I return and set my things down before joining him on the couch. I took a seat on his lap and wrapped my arms around his neck, placing a much needed kiss on his lips.

"How was work?" Sean asked and encircled my waist with his arms.

"You know, giving meds, checking in on patients, the usual," I reply, describing the everyday routine of my job as an ED Nurse at Chicago Med. "And then I got to spend some time with Jay at Molly's. It's always nice hanging out with him since I don't see him as often as Will. But what about you? How was patrol?"

"Fine. The only thing that happened was an attempted robbery, and we caught the guy," Sean responded. "Speaking of work, my partner's taking a day off tomorrow, so I'm gonna be partnered with Kim for the day."

I had no problem with Kim. Quite the opposite, actually. She was my best friend. However, she was also Sean's ex, so sometimes it made things weird between us. She assured me when Sean and I started dating that she was okay with it, and I believed that, but whenever the three of us were together, there was a bit of awkwardness in the room. We always got past it though, and Sean and Kim continued to be friends.

"All right. Keep each other safe, please," I plead and peck his lips before climbing off of his lap. "I've got an early shift tomorrow, so I'm gonna head to bed."

"Goodnight," Sean called after me. I ditched the clothes I was wearing, throwing them in the hamper with one toss. After I put on some pajamas, I climbed into bed and closed my eyes. Minutes later, I was fast asleep.

............................................

"Y/N, that's your second cup of coffee this morning," Maggie pointed out as she joined me at the nurses' station.

"Yeah. And...?" I trailed off, not seeing the problem.

"Late night?" Maggie questioned.

I shook my head. "No, actually. I made Jay promise not to keep me at Molly's past 10, and he stayed true to that. Today I'm just enjoying my caffeine." Just then, Maggie's pager beeped, and when she glanced down at it, she frowned.

"Incoming! Choi, you're up!" Maggie yelled into the ED. Ethan was the doctor I worked with the most, and I had no problem with it. We had grown to be close friends, and we worked quite well together. So, whenever it was his turn to accept an incoming trauma, I always followed to help him out. I thought today would be the same, but that all changed when the gurney was wheeled through the ambulance bay doors.

"Kim Burgess, late 20s, gunshot wound to the neck. Weak pulse. We intubated in the field," Courtney, the paramedic, informed us. My whole world seemed to stop as I watched my best friend get wheeled past me. And seeing her unconscious made things 100% worse.

"Y/N, you coming?" Ethan quizzed as he led the gurney into the nearest trauma room.

"I uh... Mags, c-can you...?" I stammer out, not even needing to finish my sentence for Maggie to understand what I was asking.

"I've got this," Maggie assured me and followed Ethan into the trauma room. Seconds after Kim was wheeled in, Sean entered the ED, his eyes scanning the room until they landed on me.

"Y/N!" Sean shouted and joined me by the nurses' station. "How's Kim doing?"

"I don't know," I confess and glance towards the trauma room she was situated in. "I make it a rule to not work on anyone I'm close with. What the hell happened? You guys were just supposed to be on a routine patrol."

"Intelligence called us up," Sean answered. "We were working a drug case and we ended up having to chase the guy down an alleyway."

"That's not what I'm talking about. You promised you'd keep Kim safe. You promised, Sean. So where were you when she was being shot at?" I implore harshly.

"I was taking cover like I was supposed to! We didn't have an eye so I ducked down behind a dumpster. What, you think this was my fault?" Sean asked.

"You're her partner, Sean. It's your job to protect her. Yet here she is with a bullet buried in her neck," I return.

"You're acting like I told her to make a move," Sean countered. "She put her own life in danger. I had nothing to do with that."

I scoffed. "You had everything to do with it."

"I don't think we should be having this argument here," Sean whispered.

"Well I think we should," I retort.

"Y/N," Sean started.

"Don't 'Y/N' me," I seethe. By now, the whole ED was staring at us, but I didn't care right now. "My best friend is dying because of you!"

"If it was me in there instead of Kim, would you be yelling at her?" Sean posed. "Cause I think you'd be trying to reassure her that none of it was her fault. So, what? Kim takes priority over me, your boyfriend?"

"At the moment, yeah," I reply and cross my arms over my chest.

"Just at the moment? I think she always has," Sean accused. "And if that doesn't speak to how our relationship is, then I don't know what does."

"What are you trying to say?" I ask.

"I'm not trying to say anything. I'm telling you that I'm through with this. I'm through with you," Sean emphasized. "We're done." As Sean stalked off back towards the lobby, everything he said really hit me.

We were done.

"Y/N? You okay?" Adam questioned once he noticed that I had practically froze in the middle of the ED.

"Excuse me," I murmur and push past him politely. My body was begging me for some fresh air to help calm myself down, so I made my way out of the ED, but that involved going through the lobby where Sean and the rest of the 21st district was waiting. I hoped that I wouldn't catch anyone's attention, but I should've known better.

"Y/N," Jay said and stood up when he saw me. However, instead of stopping to talk to him, I made a beeline straight for the exit. The automatic doors opened when I stepped near them, allowing a nice breeze to hit my face. My feet carried me to the front of the hospital where I took a seat against the side of the building and placed my head in my hands. That's when the tears began to flow, but I didn't stop them. Minutes later, I was joined by Jay, who took a seat next to me. For a few seconds, we sat in silence, but then Jay spoke up. "Natalie told me what happened."

"I don't want to talk about it," I mutter without removing my head from my arms.

"Well, as family, we're required to," Jay declared. "I told you Roman was an ass."

I laughed softly and picked my head up, resting it against the wall behind me. "I now see why you thought that. So everyone in the ED heard?"

Jay nodded. "Yeah. But don't worry. I'm sure they're all thinking the same thing as I am. Want me to have a talk with Roman?"

I shook my head. "No, but thank you for offering. I uh, I need to get back inside. We're low on nurses today. I'll talk to you later, Jay."

Jay's POV

A few hours later, Kim was awake and doing well, and I was just glad that she would be making a full recovery. As Adam and I were exiting her room, we just so happened to bump into Sean Roman, the girl who just, not even hours prior, broke my little sister's heart.

"Hey, guys," Sean greeted. "Is she awake?""

I crossed my arms over my chest. "Are you for real?"

Sean frowned. "What?"

"You broke up with my sister, that's what. Get the hell out of here!" I demand.

"But-"

Adam cut Sean off. "Kim doesn't want to talk to you. Not after what happened between you and Y/N. And I'd advise you follow Jay's orders."

Sean hesitated, but sighed. "Fine." He then walked off, leaving Adam and I standing alone in front of Kim's hospital room.

"All right man, I'm gonna head out. I promised Y/N that Will and I would come over after her shift, which is ending in like 20 minutes, so I've gotta pick up some pizza and beers."

"Okay. I'm gonna stay and keep Kim company. Have a good night," Adam spoke.

"Yeah man. You too," I return. And with that, I left the hospital to go spend some much needed quality time with my sister. Y/N would probably be hurting for a few days, but Will and I agreed that we'd be there for her every step of the way because that's what big brothers were for.

______________________________

Tag List:

@prettypyschoinpink @securityfriendly-jay @scarletsoldierrr @virtualreader @carnationworld​ @caitsymichelle13​ @dreamingmanip @campingmonkey @winterberryfox @nevertoofarfromivar @anotherfan07 @giagma @mrspeacem1nusone​ @i-like-sparkly-things​

[thefanficmonster]

You Never Notice

Sykkuno x Reader (Female)

Warnings: None

Genre: Fluff

Summary: The center of someone’s world is never aware of their importance even when everyone else is in the know. People are hard to understand, no denying, but if we all spilled our truth like how Y/N admitted her feelings to Sykkuno, mutual understanding would be achieved a lot more easily. JK, she needed an eternity and maybe a thousand pushes. What’s important is the result though, right?

Requested by Anon. You are my first Sykkuno request and I wish I could thank you with a tag. Instead, I’m gonna thank you with a fic in which I put my all. Thank you for the request, hope the final product doesn’t let you down. 🥰

Here we go again. Sykkuno’s love life is brought up. This time it’s more frustrating cause I can’t shout how wrong he is about himself and the effect he has on the people around him. He has no room to speak, he hasn’t experienced what I have - one of your best friends living in your head rent-free because you’re just that whipped by them. That’s right kids, some of us never grow past the middle school crushes - they are a constant for some. That can be a good or a bad thing, it completely depends on how you view it.

Currently, him and Rae are addressing some dating rumors that started spreading about them earlier this week while Felix, Sean and I are kicking each other’s butts in Party Animals. We’re not all playing together, actually, we were all playing different games when we hopped into the call and just grouped together after playing solo got boring. Rae and Sykkuno are playing Among Us on a random server, her being the only person who’s streaming right now. She said she just wanted to clear up the dating rumors cause they were annoying to see popping up on her feed on every social media platform she’s active on.

“It’s ridiculous, really. People just look for online personalities to put in imaginary relationships. Are they that bored? I know quarantine is getting to everyone, but damn“ Rae says, laughing a bit to take the edge off her words but I know she’s bothered by this ordeal more than she’s letting on. I know how much it bothers her when people ship random youtubers and streamers together, even when she’s not involved. 

And I agree. Ever since I started streaming I’ve been shipped with my friends left and right. First Corpse, then Dave, Joel...you name them. It gets kinda gross cause these people are legit like siblings to me. Unlike Rae, though, I don’t waste my breath trying to clear those ‘talks of the net’ up. I don’t know if it’s for better of for worse that I remain silent on the issue when I’m involved but am willing to stand up for my friends when they find themselves in a similar situation. Some people think the reason I don’t share my thoughts is because the rumors are true, but the hint is most often taken, resulting in the ship ending. Well, that ship ending, there’s always a new one popping up. As Rae said, it’s ridiculous.

���Why does everyone think I am ever dating anyone? I’ve already commented on this: no one would date me.“ Sykkuno says through a sigh-like laugh.

“Why are you so sure?“ I blurt out without as much as a second thought

My eyes widen just a bit, just a bit. I’m not too surprised with myself. I am slowly losing control of my raging emotions and I’m afraid of what I’ll turn into when all my restraints snap. A mess, that’s the most likely answer.

“Well....“ Sykkuno trails off, clearly more than a little nervous, “I don’t have a girlfriend right now, and I haven’t had one in a while...Nor has a girl shown any interest to be more than friends with me in what feels like forever.“

“I’m sure you just don’t notice the hints girls drop. We can be pretty subtle.“ I try to sound as nonchalant as possible while I’m still in my panicked animal mode. And by animal I mean a cub. A scared cub that is now showing confidence but will run and hide right afterwards. I silently thank the universe that I’m not streaming right now. I can feel the heat on my neck and cheeks which is pure embarrassment and would have been more than evident on-camera.

“Yeah Y/N’s right, Sykkuno. Girls can be very subtle, but they will always let you know if they like you, even through the smallest of gestures. You gotta keep your eyes open.“ Rae backs me up reassuringly.

“Guys never notice anything.“ I say, rolling my eyes. I feel the pressure lessen thanks to Rae’s involvement in the conversation.

“That’s not true.“ Sean protests, “We pay close attention, especially to girls we are attracted to.“

“Yeah!“ Sykkuno pipes in again, “I’m pretty sure I would notice if a girl was dropping signals that she likes me.“

Now that stings. That legit makes me wince and cringe as though his voice delivered an actual physical hit to my chest and stomach. It’s really unpleasant, painful even.

“You never notice.“ There’s something about this triple opportunity - proving him wrong that he’d catch onto a girl’s signals; proving him wrong that girls aren’t attracted to him; coming clean about the biggest emotional struggle I’ve experienced in recent years; - that snaps my last emotional restraints. I will totally regret this later, but after the regret comes the relief which is 100% worth it. 

“What?“ He sounds very puzzled. I can just about imagine him frowning as he tries to wrap his brain around something even I can’t wrap mine around.

“You say you’d notice a girl’s hints of attraction. OK.“ I nonchalantly throw Felix off the submarine in Party Animals while I keep talking, “Would you notice if a girl purposely doesn’t kill you in Among Us when she’s impostor? Or would you notice that a girl always sends you links to videos she finds funny? Or that she always shares music and movie recommendations with you and you only?“ 

Dead silence ensues. I feel like they have all glitched, considering Sean didn’t even try to put up a fight when I lifted him and threw him in the ocean as I previously did with Felix’s avatar.

Maybe I was a tad too specific and made the whole situation hit a little too close to home for me. 

Sykkuno and I have become really close friends and we chat and play games regularly. As I mentioned, I give him movie and music recommendations and I only recently started acknowledging the fact that I’ve never killed him in Among Us. Natural instinct I guess. In fact, I feel the need for vengeance when he’s killed. I refuse to even vote for him unless it’s absolutely necessary.

Now that I think about it, it’s not his fault he has no clue. I just don’t know how to properly drop hints.  

“Um...I mean, I guess I would notice but I’d never think they are that type of hints.“ He finally replies.

On point there, dear. On damn point.

“What does it take for you to be convinced that a girl is into you?“ Who cares that a bunch of people are about to witness this outpour? It’ll make it more real, yes, but it will also help me believe that it happened so I don’t try to crawl back to the point where return is an option. No return now. You’ve already passed two thirds of the way. The last one will set you and your mind free. 

“The only way I can be sure is if she tells me, really.“ He sounds so nervous and shy, like he’s trying to draw as little attention as possible.

He doesn’t have to worry. I’m about to pull all the attention on me.

“Well in that case....you leave me no other choice.“ My screen displays me as the winner of this round of Party Animals - an easy one considering my friends are glitched in real life. “I like you, Sykkuno. I like you a lot. And I know you will see it from every context except the one its meant to be in so I’ll be even more head-on - I’ve liked you, as more than a friend for quite some time now, but buddy, you can be sooo oblivious sometimes. Anyway...“ Here’s that regret I was talking about, it’s already creeping in. “Don’t feel the need to say it back. I don’t wanna hear it if you don’t mean it. And Rae,“ I can’t help but laugh at the thought, “Sorry for making your chat go crazy. Peace!“

And I disconnect from the Discord call.

“See? That wasn’t so hard, was it?“ I say out loud, staring at my desktop. “The cat’s out of the bag and you can move on now.“

I push myself to get some work done in order to get my mind off the mess I’ve created. I’m afraid of thinking about it, I know I’ll get too upset to do anything with the rest of my day if I do.

Suddenly, just as I’m about to open my email, my phone chimes. My brain doesn’t bother to stop my arm from automatically reaching out and checking the notification. A message.

From Sykkuno.

~ I knew you didn’t suggest me ‘My Best Friend’s Wedding’ for no reason

Me ~ So...?

~ So, I’m not the only oblivious one here, Y/N

Me ~ Wait WHAT?

~ ‘Nick And Norah’s Infinite Playlist’?

Me ~ Oooohhhh...I see

It takes him a few seconds to reply, the bubble with the three bouncing dots popping up and disappearing a few times now. I just now feel my heart banging against the inside of my ribcage, my pulse echoing in my ears.

He did seem a little too eager for me to watch that movie...

~ So, movie date?

I laugh, wholeheartedly and honestly. Genuine joy running through my veins.

Me ~ So it is.

The grin that is now decorating my features promises to stay there for the rest of the day. I bite my bottom lip at the thought that pops into my head.

Me ~ Phew, I can stop sparing you in Among Us from now on

He sends me three cry-laughing emojis in return, but I don’t need those. I can just imagine him laughing as he usually does with one hand covering his mouth. And here I thought my grin couldn’t grow wider.

 Imagining him happy makes me smile. His happiness makes me happy. He makes me happy.

Even better...

I think the feeling’s mutual.

[neon-junkie]

Can we get some of the Red Dead boys and how they talk dirty?

Yes ofc, here u go!! nsfw under the cut, f!reader

Arthur

Lots and lots of pet names.

Will check if you're okay whilst still making it smutty. "You enjoyin' my cock, darlin'?"

Very quiet and considerate to others if you fuck in the camp, but won't hold back if you're out in the wilderness. He's 50/50 when it comes to hotels, depends on which one it is and if he likes the staff/people.

High honor Arthur will shower you in compliments and praise your work. "Sweetheart, you're usin' that mouth far too well."

Low honor Arthur will still compliment you but a bit more aggressive. "That's a good girl. Really take that fucking cock."

Very much a moaner and won't hold back.

John

Swears like a sailor. "Fuck. FUCK! Shit, oh god, darlin'. You're too damn good at this, you know that? Shit!"

Isn't really that good at dirty talking tbh. Once in a blue moon he'll be reaaaaaally good tho. He doesn't understand how his mind often goes blank.

Has actually sat down and thought of things to say to you. Came up with some really good stuff but forgot it all in the moment.

He gets good during really rough sex, usually when he's been horny all day and has finally gotten the chance to pounce on you. "I've seen the way you've been teasin' me all day. You're gonna pay for it now, missy. You get on those knees and put that mouth to work. If you do a good job then I won't have to hold you down and face fuck you, so get to it!"  

He's quite loud, gets told to shut up a lot. "I can't help bein' loud, it's your fault!"

Is both a moaner and a groaner and also doesn't hold back on it.

Dutch

This man just doesn't fucking shut up.

The way he speaks to you depends on his mood and whatever kind of sex you're having.

Loves to instruct you on what to do, almost always has to be in charge. If you're obedient he'll smother you in praise, if not, he'll probably spank you. "Why can't you just do as you're told?" *smack*

Likes to encourage you to do more, really pushes your limits. "Sweetheart, is that all you can fit in your mouth? I know you can do better. Come on, try it for me, please?"

Enjoys calling you names like 'whore' and 'slut', but only if you're into that. He always checks eeeeverything before he does it. He'll stop mid sex and be like "Do you enjoy being degraded, Miss?"

If you're having loving, tender sex then he'll call you pet names. But dirtier sex he'll use more insulting names.

A mix of everything; moans, grunts, pants, the whole lot. Usually depends on the sex you're having.

Javier

Absolutely perfect. Flawless. Always knows what to say. Always knows when to say it too. Has the perfect balance for everything.

Loves to call you Spanish pet names. Will teach you a few short phrases so you can understand him too.

Lets out the most gorgeous moans to ever grace this earth.

If you're having gentle sex then he'll smother you in compliments and praise. "Mi amor, you look so beautiful riding me, you feel so good it's unreal."

He'll get really dominating if you're having rougher sex. "On your knees now, puta. You've been misbehaving all day and I'm sick of it. Time to teach you a lesson."

Has never had a noise complaint, is very considerate of other people.

Bill

He's 50/50. Sometimes he's perfect and it all naturally flows, other times he can barely even say your name.

Tends to grunt and huff rather than moan, unless if you're going down on him, that can have him moaning like a bitch. "Oh, oooh! Oh shit, oh my god you're... you're so fucking good at that!"

He tends to be really good when he's dominating you. "You know, I've been waiting to be buried inside of you all day, so you're gonna keep quiet whilst I fuck you up against this tree. Ya hear?"

If you're dominating him then he'll just be a moaning mess. He'll get really loud, even if it's in camp. Sean once pulled your tent down whilst you two were fucking in it cause Bill was so loud and just wouldn't shut up.

If you make this man feel confident and loved then he'll eventually be able to say dirtier things to you. It takes a while for Bill to build up his confidence during sex, but once you're there he won't hold back.

Kieran

LOUD.

Very much a moaner. Pants a lot too since he fucks like a rabbit.

Tried to do a sexy growl once and it was so embarrassing he instantly went soft and just went to bed :(

He’ll whimper sometimes too, usually if you’re teasing him. 

Usually can't string a sentence together. He'll want to say 100 things at once so it just all comes out his mouth at once. "Fuck! O-oh god, sweetheart you're... oh you're... Fuck! So good, oh, please carry on!"

The first couple of times he'll be quite shy but eventually, he'll just snap. One day you'll be having sex and he'll be so nervous and shy, the next time he's all over you and knows exactly what to do.

Dominant Kieran doesn't appear often, but when he does, he takes CHARGE. "You better not move your leg off my shoulder, alright? I need it up there so I can fuck you real deep."

Micah

Says the nastiest things anyone has ever heard.

He's usually very dominating and won't hold back, but if you've managed to break him and you're in charge then he'll be like putty. "C'mon, dollface. Do that again for me please? You're killin' me here, darlin', you know that?"

If you have a lot of similar kinks then he'll be all over you 24/7. He'll make you HIS girl simply based on your sex life. You could be sat on the back of the wagon cleaning some guns when he'll sneak over and try distracting you. "Look at the way you use those hands. Better not tire yourself out for later. I just sharpened my knife and I can't wait to cut those clothes off ya." 

Usually grunts, unless if you've turned him into putty, then he'll moan like his life depends on it.

He's very feral, makes a lot of wild kinda noises. Thankfully no, he won't start howling.

Loves to praise and degrade, he feeds on that shit. "Good giiiirl. You're a real slut for this cock, ain'tcha?"

Charles

Usually makes soft grunts and moans.

Always keeps it down when in any kinda public. The only time he'll get loud is when he knows you're both alone, like in the wilderness.

Says a looooot of compliments and uses a looooot of petnames. "You look so gorgeous for me, my love."

He's very tender and caring, even when you're really going at it.

Even when he's being dominant, he's still so gentle about it. "You think you can let me go a little deeper, my love. I'm sure you can take it."

Tends to be quite collected until you ride him, then he just falls apart. "Oh, oh! Please keep going, please don't stop. God, you're so good at this. Oh, Christ!"

He doesn't dirty talk too often, usually because he's covering you in kisses instead.

Sean

Has been kicked out of many hotels for being so fucking loud.

Speaks faster than he can think, so he'll stutter or stumble a lot. "Oooh, oh, you're... you're fuckin' lovin' this, aincha?"

He's more focused on fucking you, so his train of thought is all over the place. He'll speak faster than he can think.

"Sean, PLEASE. For the love of god. SHUT. UP!"

Always has to mention his nationality at least once every time you have sex. "Didn't realize you were quite the slut for this Irish dick, huh?"

You can tear this man's walls down and make him a whimpering mess if you know exactly what to do. "Oh, please! Please do that again, sweetheart. I'll do anything, please! That was so damn good!"

Laughs/chuckles a lot, but that's usually just him laughing at his own jokes. Yes, he cracks jokes during sex.

[litwitlady]

the devil in you

In celebration of angst day, I am getting over myself and posting by far the angstiest fic I have ever, ever written. This is the follow up to a previous fic - the new part starts at the read more. Lost Decade fic. Warnings include - mentions and discussion of combat trauma and PTSD. Descriptions of blood and death. A reference to Jesse’s abuse. Graphic depictions of very unhealthy, painful sex - at one point Alex will ask Michael to do something to him that Michael never 100% feels comfortable with. So, please read with caution. This is my own take on how Michael and Alex leave each other before he goes to Iraq the final time.

The airstream is warm to the touch. Summer announcing her arrival early. Alex raps his knuckles on the metal door and steps back to wait. He hears the generator purring and assumes Michael must be home.

Alex and Michael have not seen each other for two years, six months, and three days. Three days exactly. From one noon to another noon. All that time a gaping distance that Alex has drowned in since he’d last crawled from Michael’s cramped bunk bed.

When the door swings open, Michael blinks rapidly into the sun like he’s just woken up. He’s shirtless with jeans slung low on his hips – curls bed-tousled. And Alex’s whole heart even if neither one says that part out loud.

‘Did you get my letter?’ A simple question. Anything but a simple question.

Michael moves his lips to talk – pushes his tongue up to the roof of his mouth searching for words he can’t find. He looks back over his shoulder to give himself some time.

Alex reads that the wrong way and immediately begins shuffling backwards. ‘Sorry. I didn’t know you weren’t alone.’ He turns and flees back to the truck that he’s borrowed. Cursing at himself silently.

A hand wraps around his bicep and he stops moving. Michael steps around him and they again face each other. Truth-to-truth. ‘There’s no one else here. Just didn’t know what to say.’ He drops Alex’s arm. ‘I got your letter. I didn’t read it.’

The way Alex’s heart breaks at those words. Someone else in his bed would hurt less.

‘Okay. Sorry to bother you.’ Alex begins the short trek to the truck again. Determined to make it this time. Michael beats him to the door. Plasters his body over the handle.

‘I wanted to read it. Tore the envelope open as soon as I read your name.’ He licks his lips and takes a moment to search Alex’s tear glazed eyes. Noticing his wind-burned cheeks and newly freckled temples. He wants to take him to bed and explore all these new details long into the night. But first he must find the right words.

Alex pulls the keys from his pocket. ‘It’s fine, Guerin. Really. I don’t know what I expected.’ He looks at Michael anxiously – waiting for him to move. Jingles the keys in his nervous fingers. Digs the toe of his boot into the junkyard dirt.

Michael ignores him. ‘Will you read it to me? Maybe stay awhile?’

Alex shakes his head and starts to say something, but Michael takes a step forward and cups his jaw with both his hands. ‘Please.’ That first touch is always so electric. And after over two years they both feel like someone has lit them on fire. Michael doesn’t care if he’s begging. He’ll beg until he’s hoarse if he has to.

Reaching up, Alex closes his fingers around Michael’s wrists. ‘Do you really want me to stay?’ His voice so soft the spring breeze almost steals it away.

The doubt in Alex’s question undoes something in Michael and he drops to his knees. Forehead pressing into Alex’s stomach, desperately palming at his hips. ‘Please.’

Alex’s fingers stroke through Michael’s hair. ‘Okay.’ Neither of them moves. Eventually, Alex slides down onto his knees as well and they wrap their arms around each other. Holding on to one another until that gaping distance disappears.

Inside the airstream at least the temperature is more bearable. Michael tugs off his boots and Alex toes off his sneakers. They both climb into Michael’s tiny bed – leaning back against opposite sides. A wide berth between them.

Michael moves first. Stretching out his long legs towards Alex. Nudging at him with his foot. That too tender smile touching the corners of his lips. And then Alex. Slow and more deliberate. Their legs pressing together as Michael wraps his fingers around Alex’s ankle. Not moving – just touching. Holding on just in case. Letting their skin meld together until neither one knows where they begin and the other ends.

With his free hand, Michael reaches into his pillowcase and removes Alex’s letter. It has been opened – sliced through the top. He pushes it towards Alex. ‘Read it to me. Please.’

Alex unfolds the torn scrap of notebook paper and reads through the words silently. That day in the desert rushing back. He swallows, clears his throat, and begins.

‘Michael.’ Alex pauses because Michael’s fingers have tightened around his ankle. His eyes dart up – a wordless question.

‘I just really love hearing you say my name. Not Guerin – Michael.’ His thumb starts a slow dance up Alex’s leg. ‘You never say it.’

‘Just habit, I guess.’ He half-shrugs and returns to the letter. ‘Yesterday, I was with my unit on a reconnaissance mission. Nothing too serious, too dangerous. Our intel seemed airtight. My friend, Sean, was beside me on the rooftop. And then, I was drenched in his blood. A bullet through his carotid. He died with my fingers pressed against his neck.’

Michael notices the way Alex’s hands have begun to tremble. The way he suddenly can’t sit still, squirming from side to side. He leans over and takes the piece of paper from Alex. ‘I shouldn’t have asked.’

‘It’s okay.’ But the quiver in his voice is anything but okay.

The letter disappears and Michael no longer cares to keep his distance. ‘Come here.’ Less a question, more a request. And Alex doesn’t hesitate to push into his arms.

Michael spreads his legs, inviting Alex inside. Shifting him so that Alex’s back is folded warmly against his chest. Michael’s arms wrapped tightly around his waist. With Alex protected between his thighs, Michael rests his chin on his shoulder and closes his eyes. But all he sees is blood – Alex’s blood – and he shivers.

‘I don’t want to go back.’ And that’s when Alex breaks. Gasping, heaving sobs rack his body. And there’s nothing Michael can do but hold on. Alex turns onto his side, curling into him. Grabbing desperate fistfuls of Michael’s worn t-shirt, tearing the already there holes even wider.

It may as well be Michael’s skin. Riddled with bullet holes, collecting Alex’s burning tears.

Alex cries himself to sleep and Michael follows soon after. The sun crosses the sky and the moon begins to rise. Clouds gather in from the west. Rain threatens. At the first clap of thunder, Alex startles awake. His breathing rapidly increases, and he flounders around in the near dark. Searching for something familiar to ground himself. It’s Michael his hands find first. Warm, awake, and staring up at him with wide, concerned eyes.

Lightning flashes through the narrow trailer. Illuminating Alex’s swollen cheeks, rough with dried tears. He sinks back into Michael as the next boom of thunder rattles the thin, metal walls.

Michael can feel the way he still shakes. Reaches above his head and pulls down the thickest blanket he owns – covers them. Alex’s fingertips dancing lightly back and forth across Michael’s collarbone as he shifts further into Michael’s neck.

For the next hour, they continue to drift in and out of sleep. Michael entranced by the heavy rise and fall of Alex’s chest against his own. Proof that he is alive and safe. Proof that he is home. He works his fingers through the stubby, shorn hair at the nape of Alex’s neck, massaging all his fears away. And Alex slides deeper and deeper into the first peaceful sleep he’s had in over two years.

The storm fades for a while and then rages back to life. But Alex no longer hears the thunder. Or maybe he does but the beat of Michael’s heart keeps his anxiety at bay. All his muscles loose and relaxed.

At some point, Michael feels Alex yawn against him. But it’s all a blur now. The way Alex stretches and presses his hips into Michael’s. Not asking for anything. Not at first. Just a muscle memory reflex.

But they are who they are.

Without warning, Alex tosses the wool blanket aside and pulls his t-shirt over his head. ‘It’s hot.’ Such an uncomplicated problem with the most complicated solution. His hair is a mess, and Michael can just barely make out the shape of his jaw in the faint glow of the occasional streak of lightning.

Alex settles back between Michael’s thighs and lays his head in the soft dip between his sternum and his stomach. Michael tightens his abs, a little unsure of what they are starting. He can feel Alex’s hot breath through his t-shirt, and he begins to sweat.

‘You’re right. It is hot.’ He tosses his shirt alongside Alex’s. And now they are skin to skin. Breathing heavy with possibility.

Alex flattens his palm into Michael’s belly. It’s nothing and too much all at once. Michael wills himself to sit still. Sit still and wait. Tonight, he will be what Alex needs – whatever Alex needs.

No one moves again until Alex curls his fingers, dragging his jagged nails down Michael’s abs. Someone’s sharp inhale cuts through the silence. And suddenly, Alex is sitting back on his heels. ‘Can we turn on a light? Nothing too bright. I just want to see you. And I want you to see me.’

Michael scrambles off the bed and flips on the camping lantern he keeps nearby. The bulb flickers – mimicking a burning flame. Shadows dance awakened in the moonless night. Resurrected and free.

That’s when Alex begins to touch himself.

He shuts his eyes and starts at his neck, throwing his head back to expose the raw curve of his throat. His hands crawl down to his chest so gradually that Michael can barely see them move. But he feels them against his own skin. Like they are connected through some otherworldly invisible energy. And he has to clench his fists to keep himself from reaching out.

Reminding himself that tonight Alex is in charge. So, Michael just keeps watching.

He pauses at his nipples, thumbing over them until they are blood-flushed and taut with want. Opens his eyes to find Michael. A small smile tugging at his lips. But the way it doesn’t reach his eyes gives Michael pause.

‘We don’t have to do this, Alex. If you don’t want to.’

Alex continues to work his nipples. Pinching hard enough that his cheeks flinch at the sting. A little gasp of air and the beginnings of a low moan. ‘It’s all I want, Michael. Please.’

Something in his eyes falters the slightest bit. But he recovers quickly. Smiling brighter now. But neither of them is fooled. And neither of them is going to stop. Not tonight. Not tomorrow night. Not a million nights from now.

Michael nods and Alex picks up the pace. Unbuttons his pants, sliding the zipper down achingly slow. Hand disappearing inside. Stroking at his cock still tucked away in his jeans. Michael watches through heavy lidded eyes as the denim flexes around Alex’s pumping fist.

‘I want to touch you.’ Michael’s hands hurt where his fingernails cut deep half-moons into his palms.

Alex darts his tongue out to lick his lips. ‘I know. But not yet. Not until I say so.’ He shifts positions, lying on his back and shimmying his jeans down his thighs. Kicking them off. His cock fully erect, the tip already glistening with precum.

Michael imagines dropping to his knees and sucking him off. Imagines the way his hips would writhe against his face. The way he would taste against his tongue – hot and salty and so fucking bittersweet. And he very nearly moans at the way his own jeans grow tight as he lengthens with need.

Shadows startle and stir around them. Taunting and mocking. Alex’s hips begin to roll – sinister and seductive – as he returns his attention to his nipples. Lost in his own shadow dance.

‘Do you still have that dildo? The one from last time?’ The question surprises Michael from his daze. Alex’s voice low and smokey with lust. He sits up and grabs Michael’s hips, pleading with his eyes. ‘That’s what I need tonight.’

Michael shakes his head trying to clear his thoughts. ‘It’s…um…somewhere. Let me look.’ He opens a cabinet and pulls out the exact box he knows the silky purple dildo is buried inside. For a moment, he pretends to search through the rest of the cabinet – not wanting to tip his hand. But the excitement pooling in his belly doesn’t allow him to pretend long.

Literally on hands and knees, Michael crawls back to Alex. Grabbing a bottle of lube on his way. Alex grinning at him, hand once again fisting his dick. Legs spread filthy over the side of the narrow bunk bed. Michael slots himself between Alex’s thighs and holds up his prize. ‘This one?’

A murmured yes as he scoots forward. Cock so close Michael’s tongue could lick out and lap up the bead of moisture on the tip. But with Alex in charge, he doesn’t dare. Flicks his eyes up to stare at his lips instead. A slightly safer option.

‘Fuck me hard, Guerin. Do you understand?’ His eyes are so dark now Michael can barely make them out even in the glowing amber light. Michael nods but Alex shakes his head. ‘No. You don’t understand.’  He cups Michael’s jaw and strokes lightly across his cheekbones, barely touching the edges of his lips. ‘No stretching me out first. Just the dildo. I want it to hurt.’ A dreadful sort of husk bleeding into his voice.

Michael blinks rapidly. Running Alex’s request over and over in his mind. ‘Alex, no.’ The dildo is large – long and thick. Too thick to skip opening him up first. Michael shakes his head firmly. ‘I will not hurt you like that.’

Alex smiles so softly down at him that he almost immediately caves. ‘For too long now, I’ve felt nothing inside.’ His fingers still lovingly stroke Michael’s cheeks. ‘To survive in that place, I had to shut everything off. Just like with my father.’ He kisses Michael’s forehead – just a dusting of his lips. ‘And you have always been the one to turn me back on. That’s what I need again tonight. Please, baby, please.’ His voice breaks, chin trembling. ‘I only trust you.’

It’s manipulative. And Michael wants to call him out on his bullshit. But there’s a nagging little want whispering from the nastiest, blackest depth of his heart that thinks hurting Alex just a little is exactly what he needs, too.

It’s fucked up. But it’s the truth. This cat and mouse game they’ve been playing at for years.

Michael uncaps the lube and squeezes a generous amount into his palm. ‘Slow and easy, Alex. Slow and very fucking easy.’ It’s almost a threat.

In answer, Alex falls back and lifts his legs, grabbing behind his knees and spreading himself for Michael. Their chests begin to heave with the anticipation of what comes next. Every beat of their hearts like another clap of thunder from outside. Michael strokes the lube along the length of the toy and Alex watches from between his thighs, eyes hungry and mouth parted. The wind howls, knocking at the trailer as the storm continues to gust around them.

Alex’s hips start to squirm as Michael takes his time lubing the dildo. Knowing he’s putting off the inevitable. ‘Please, Michael. It’s what I need.’ He runs a hand up the back of Alex’s right thigh and presses the tip of the toy against the tight ring of muscle at his opening. A sharp intake of breath. ‘It’s cold.’ A manic little laugh. Alex widens his legs even further. ‘Please, Michael. You are always so good to me. So, fucking good to me.’

Michael swallows. He’s not used to hearing Alex beg. ‘Take a deep breath.’ Alex complies and, on his exhale, Michael slips the first half-inch inside him. He has to fight against the pressure as Alex cries out, wincing at the sharp pain. The look on his face, however, one of relief. A tiny piece of Michael’s heart chips away.

‘More, Michael. I need more.’ He’s frantically flexing the muscles in his ass as he tries to swallow more of the thick toy. Michael pushes harder, shoving another inch past his rim and watches as Alex begins to tremble. Breathing shallow and desperate. Legs falling from his hands as he fists at Michael’s sheets.

For several long minutes, Michael fucks the tip of the dildo in and out of Alex until he’s bucking his hips so ferociously that Michael has to pin them down. His head is thrown back and little mewling noises escape from between his lips. He begins to chant hoarsely. ‘More, more, more.’ Until Michael drives two more inches inside of him. Alex groans and loses his words entirely, tears streaming down his cheeks and disappearing into his ears.

Michael lets the toy cock rest inside of Alex, allowing him a moment to adjust. He’s flushed from neck to chest. Sweat beading along his skin. His dick straining and leaking against his stomach, balls tight and begging for release. Alex is always beautiful, but never so much as when he’s like this. Body wrecked and wanting.

Alex looks down at him. ‘All the way this time.’ Then his head falls back into the blankets and he reaches above his head to grab hold of the mattress. He splays his legs open and loose as Michael begins to fuck him again. Slow and easy. Slow and easy. Again and again. Until Alex is writhing and whimpering. Slow and easy. Slow and easy. And then fast and filthy, burying the dildo deep in his ass without warning.

His hips come off the bed as his orgasm spills hot and heavy across his chest. The sounds he’s making are chocked and feral. And Michael has never seen him like this – lost in pain, adrift in pleasure. Sobbing and laughing at the same time. A devil and an angel at battle for his very soul. Michael loves him. Loves him so much. He gasps at the realization and pulls the toy from Alex, hearing him hiss at the loss. Shoves him back on the bed and crawls between his legs. Throwing one of his knees over his shoulder and yanking his own jeans down with his free hand.

Not two seconds later Michael is pounding into him. Every stroke beating against his prostate. Both their chests are heaving, gasping for oxygen as Michael fucks Alex’s cock hard again. His own orgasm threatening with every thrust. Alex winces with each stroke – ass sore and burning with overuse. But his hands clutch at Michael’s thighs – pulling at him, imploring him to move faster. Fingernails drawing blood as their rhythm breaks down. Michael coming first and then Alex quickly following.

For a long time, all Michael sees is black as his cock pumps out his orgasm. Blood pulses through his veins, drowning out the storm outside and Alex’s strangled cries. He collapses. Alex’s come slick and wet between them. The beat of his heart slowly bringing Michael back to reality.

They have had sex many times over the years. Dirty, tired, boring, fast, easy, loud, loving sex. But they have never had sex like this. Sex to sever, sex to heal. Fucked up and tender. Ugly and full of love. Trauma fully on display. Trauma fully in play. They have never hurt each other like this. They have never loved each other like this. And maybe they never will again.

But tonight, they needed to break. Each other and themselves.

Their own war, their own peace. And a love for each other that will never cease.

When Michael wakes the next morning, the storm is gone and so is Alex. They won’t see each other again for over two years. And Alex will never send Michael another letter.

[theoriginalladya]

27 100 ways to say I love you for Caleb x Kaidan

from this list

on AO3 here

Some Caleb and Kaidan set in ME1 prior to their romance, actually.  Still, small things lead to bigger ones, right?  Set right after Virmire.  A bit sad maybe, more bittersweet, but in the long run I think it works well.  Under cut due to length.

~~~

After dismissing the others, Caleb can’t exit the comms room fast enough.  Between the disastrous outcome of the mission and the lack of sensitivity on the Council’s part, he is absolutely livid.  It takes every ounce of willpower within him to keep from cursing up a blue streak and losing his temper – in Irish, just to be safe, but he still can’t count out a well-placed assistant on any of their staffs – but he manages, barely.  Logically, he knows returning to the Citadel is the right call, especially if he wants to have backup going after Saren, but it does very little in the way of calming him.  And after Virmire, he needs calming.

Heading through the CIC, he descends to the crew deck, but once he reaches the base of the steps, he hesitates.  He really should head to his own cabin; his gear needs attention, and God knows he could do with a rest after events on Virmire, but his thoughts are elsewhere for the very same reason, so he doesn’t.  Instead, he calls the lift and takes it down to the cargo bay where he spends the next few hours cleaning out Williams’ locker and her work station, packing her personal belongings away in a shipping crate that he carefully secures and labels.  He still has a letter to write, one he isn’t looking forward to but has far too much experience with.  He’ll add it later, securing it to the crate with her things.  When they arrive at the Citadel, he plans to personally see it gets onto an Alliance transport back to her family.  Ashley deserved a hell of a lot more in life than she got; he’s going to do what he can to see that she gets it now, even if it’s the last thing he does.

A quick glance at his chronometer when he’s done explains why he finds himself alone in the cargo bay; it’s 01h16.  Only third watch is up this late, all sensible crew members are asleep in their beds or pods.  With that in mind, he finally gives in and heads to his cabin.

He doesn’t get more than a half step inside the room before he hesitates.  He sees her face in his mind’s eye, hears her voice insist he protect Alenko and the bomb instead of coming for her.  The weeks and months of chasing Saren suddenly come to a drastic, unexpected halt as a result; a young life cut short far too soon.  One hand rises almost of its own accord to rub over his left breast, attempting to ease the ache there.  It doesn’t do any good, of course, but that doesn’t stop him from trying.

“Go n-ithe an cat thú is go n-ithe an diabhal an cat,” he mutters then spins on his heel needing to be any place but here …

… and runs straight into Kaidan.  Throwing his hands out is automatic, and he catches the lieutenant before either of them can fall.  “Sorry.”

“My fault,” Kaidan replies, stepping back out of his way.  

A quick assessment is all Caleb needs to see something isn’t right with him, and he steps to the side, gesturing him into the room.  “Come on in,” he invites, putting as much warmth into the words as he can just now. Whether he’s successful at that or not, he doesn’t know, but Kaidan is agreeable and moves into the room.  “Did you need something?”  He doesn’t wait for his answer, but walks on over to one of his storage lockers and retrieves a dark bottle and two glasses.

Kaidan sighs heavily, the sound echoes throughout the small room.  “I just … I can’t stop thinking about Ashley,” he admits after a minute or two.

Caleb sets the glasses onto the table and opens the bottle, pouring two-fingers worth of the liquid into each.  When he finishes, he caps the bottle then nudges a glass in Kaidan’s direction.  The lieutenant seems startled at first, but catches himself after a moment and takes it in hand.  Only then does Caleb lift his glass.  Instead of his usual toast, he murmurs, “Ar dheis Dé go raibh a anam.”  At Kaidan’s quizzical look, he clarifies, “May she rest in peace.”

Kaidan nods and lifts his glass, clinking it softly against Caleb’s.  They drink in silence, each to their own thoughts, own memories.  When their glasses are empty, Kaidan sets his on the table. Caleb is about to reach for the current bottle, but a twitch of distaste at his lips.  “Not to your liking?”

Kaidan shrugs but says nothing.

Grabbing what he affectionately refers to as the good stuff, he returns it to the storage locker and snags a different bottle. “How about this?” he asks, tilting it so Kaidan can see the label.  When Kaidan hesitates, Caleb provides a smile of encouragement.  “Try some,” he insists.  “I promise, it’s good.”

Kaidan chuckles softly, conceding with a slight nod of his head.  “I don’t think I’ve ever had a commander quite so … well-versed, shall we say, in spirits?”

The smile that follows doesn’t reach his eyes as Caleb pours another two-fingers worth into their glasses.  This time, he reverts to his standard toast.  “Sláinte.”  Their glasses clink lightly and they down the liquid in one gulp.  This time as he sets his glass down, Caleb takes a seat.  

Kaidan follows.  “What was that you said?”

“Hmm?”  Rubbing his hands over his face, Caleb tilts his head until he can see the lieutenant. “Sláinte?  It means ‘good health.’”

Kaidan shakes his head.  “No, before.  When we were at the door,” he clarifies.

Caleb frowns and tries to think back.  So many things he says, so many in Irish, even, and he does it without really thinking about it at the time.  How is he supposed to remember?

“Sounded like something about a … cat?”

From one instant to the next, it’s as if a light turns on in his head.  “Go n-ithe an cat thú is go n-ithe an diabhal an cat,” he repeats.

“Yeah, that one.”

Chuckling, Caleb pours himself one last drink.  This time, he silently salutes his friend, hoping she is watching down over them and keeping them safe for the rest of this mission. “Loosely translated, it means, May the cat eat you, and may the divil eat the cat.”

Kaidan waits a moment or two before he asks, “What the hell does that mean?”

Sitting back up, Caleb shrugs.  “I was wishing Saren and surefire one-way ticket to hell, simply put.”  He looks over at Kaidan and tips his chin toward the bottle, but the lieutenant shakes his head.  Pushing both the bottle and his glass to the side, Caleb settles his hands on the table as he turns toward his friend.  “Look, Kaidan, I –.”

Shaking his head, Kaidan waves off the comment.  “I’m sorry I put you into such a position to begin with,” he says quietly.  His fingers fiddle with his glass.  “I … shouldn’t have, and now? …  The shock of losing Ash like that, it just …”

Caleb reaches over and plucks the glass from his hands before covering them with one of his to keep them still.  “The whole situation shouldn’t have happened the way it did,” he corrects.  “Ashley should be here now, drinking with us; it should never have been you or her. But she isn’t here, and that’s Saren’s fault, not yours, not mine.  Understand?”

Kaidan’s closes his eyes for a minute, but he nods.

Pulling back, Caleb asks, “Do you remember that night on Arcturus, when we finally went out for the drink I owed you?”

His eyes open again and focus across the table with the question.  “What does that have to do with anything?”

Caleb shrugs.  “I made some comment about how things played out on Akuze.  And you said …?”

“Situations like that are out of your control.  There isn’t anything you could have done to change the outcome,” Kaidan repeats.  “Something like that, anyway.”

“I think we both know Ash would agree with that.” Caleb leans back in his seat and sighs. “I hate losing people under my command. But it happens.  Will happen again, no matter how I wish it won’t.  Virmire … Akuze … the streets of Shannon.  Doesn’t matter where or who, it happens.  But each time, I try to learn something from it – take something that might just keep it from happening again, or at least will lessen the numbers.”

A thoughtful look crosses Kaidan’s face.  “And this time?”  

Huffing softly, Caleb admits, “Still working that out.”

After several more moments of quiet, Kaidan pushes to his feet.  “Well, thanks for the talk, commander, and the drink. I –.”

Caleb’s eyes narrow to slits.  “Alenko, what have I told you?”

“Sir – .”

He folds his arms across his chest, giving his most intimidating stare.  Granted, after three quick drinks, it’s probably less than effective.  Probably.  But he’s got his N7 training behind it, too.  That has to count for something.

Kaidan sighs again and grumbles, “Fine, Shepard.”

Intimidation slips easily into amusement.  “Was that so difficult?  At least I’m not asking you to call me by my given name.”

“The point,” Kaidan continues acting as if he hadn’t been interrupted, though the hint of pink at his cheeks states otherwise, “I was trying to make was, thank you.  For taking the time to talk.  For the drinks.  For …”

He eases up immediately, sensing the completion of that thought.  “For remembering Ashley?”

“Yeah.”

“Not likely I’ll forget her.”

“No, I wasn’t suggesting you would.  I mean – .”

Rising, Caleb shakes his head.  “I remember every single person I’ve lost over the years under my command,” he says quietly.  “Ashley won’t ever be forgotten.”  And if he has his way about it, the entire family won’t ever be forgotten again.

“Thank you, sir.”  Kaidan slides to attention.  “Good night.”

“Good night.”  

The minute the door shuts behind the lieutenant, Caleb pours one more drink.  It isn’t what he’d prefer, but the bottle is right in front of him.  Lifting his glass, he stares across the room at the door and lifts the glass and begins to recite, “Ciara, Colin, Sean, Brennan, Nora, Aoife, Killian and Siobhan.”  Each name comes easily from his memory, gliding off his tongue with his easy lilt. He continues through the names of his unit on Akuze, of the couple of personnel lost over the years on his N7 missions, then hesitates as he concludes, “welcome her with open arms, if you’d be so kind.  Like you, she was the best of us and deserves the homecoming.  May good luck be with you Wherever you go, and your blessings outnumber the shamrocks that grow.”  

When he finally tumbles into bed and falls to sleep that night, his dreams are blessedly still and empty for the first night in what feels like forever …

[runenc03]

More than just a friend (a seaycee oneshot)

Writing date: september 2018

Genre: fluff

Warnings: none

**********************************************

"Would you look at that, the lovebirds finally decided to join us!" Julian's voice brought a color to Kaycee's cheeks. He wasn't entirely wrong. Her and Sean were late for their camping weekend. A few weeks ago, she, Tahani, Tati, Josh, Bailey, Kenneth, Sean and Julian decided they needed something to look forward to, other than their dance classes. So, they agreed upon going camping this weekend. Everything was settled: where they were going, what they were going to eat and who would bring what. She'd looked forward to this weekend so much that she couldn't get it out of her head. But when Sean called her this morning to ask her if she could come over and help him bake cookies before they went to their camping place, she just couldn't say no. After all, every moment they spent together was a moment to cherish. So, she packed her stuff and went to Sean's. They laughed, took funny pictures of each other and ate dough till their stomachs hurt.

When they were together, it was easy so forget the time.

"I'd shut your mouth if I were you, Julian. If you stop embarrassing Kaycee right now, I'll think about giving you one of the cookies we baked today." Sean's deep voice shook her out of her thoughts. She sent him a thankful smile. After Sean's 'threat', no one made fun of them anymore, who would risk not getting Sean's famous cookies anyway?

***

It was one of the best nights of her life. One filled with old stories, laughter, dancing and singing (everyone sang off-key, except Sean of course). Right now, they were sitting around the huge bonfire they'd built. While she watched the flames of the fire reflect in her friends' eyes, it occured to her that this was the happiest that she's ever been. All those emotions made her shiver.

"Hey, are you cold? Here, put on my sweatshirt." Sean said in a worried tone.

"Oh no, it's n-"

"Nonsense. Here, the fire will warm me up, it's no problem for me." And before Kaycee could comprehend what was happening, Sean had pulled his 'Lewser'-sweatshirt over his head, leaving him in his T-shirt, and gave it to her. Smiling, Kaycee took it and put it over her head. Of course this whole thing didn't go unnoticed by their friends, who couldn't help but tease them a bit. Kaycee couldn't care less. Sean's sweatshirt felt nice. It smelled like him.

***

"Don't be surprised if you can't wake me up tomorrow, I'm exhausted!" Bailey's jawnes were contagious, and Kaycee couldn't hold hers back anymore. "Yeah, me too, I'll sleep like a baby tonight!" Suddenly, all the boys except Sean began grinning, while the girls looked a bit guilty. "Oh, I'm sure you'll get a good night sleep, Kayc", Julian smirked. "Yeah, very cosy!", Josh agreed with his friend. Kaycee raised an eyebrow.

"What exactly are you talking about?"

"Oh, nothing Kayc, just saying you look really tired."

" I don't believe a word of what jou guys are saying, you're acting way too mysterious for it just to be 'nothing'. Seriously, what's going on?"

This time, Tati began speaking: "We're really sorry Kaycee, Sean, but, well, we uhm..kind of forgot about you guys while we arrived and immediately began stuffing the tents with our sleeping bag and things like that. Bailey, Tahani and I are sleeping in one and Kenneth, Julian and Josh are sleeping in the second one. That means there is only one tent left for you two to sleep in. Only when we were done unpacking, did we realise our mistake, but then the boys didn't want to rearrange everything that we'd done, saying we put too much work in it already and they wanted to take a nap. And, well, we figured jou guys wouldn't mind, because you've been best friends for ages..."

Tati fell silent, not really knowing what else to say.

'Well, it wouldn't have been awkward', Kaycee thought, 'if I didn't have feeling for my 'best friend' and if we wouldn't have been flirting for at least six months. But there's nothing we can do about it now. Time to quit being a baby and face the facts!'

"I guess that's...okay...of you're okay with it of course, Sean." Julian snorted, but Kaycee decided to ignore it.

"Yeah, that's n- I mean, I don't mind."

"Great! Now that's settled, can we please go to bed?" Bailey asked. Agreeing murmurs filled the air, and soon everyone had gone inside their tents, leaving Sean and Kaycee standing beside eachother awkwardly. "Well...shall we go to our tent then?"

"Oh, yes, of course." She followed Sean to their tent. The awkward tension between them stayed while they arranged their sleeping bags beside eachother. Suddenly, she heard a zipping sound behind her. She turned around to look at Sean, who was zipping open his sleeping bag.

"What're you doing? Aren't you going to get cold?" She knew that of the situation hadn't been so awkward, he probably would've said something along the lines of 'you can keep me warm then', but they both felt way too awkward to flirt right now.

"Nah, I can't sleep in a sleeping bag, I always feel...trapped, I think. Trust me, it's better this way."

"If you say so..."

"Look, Kayc, I don't want things to be awkward between us. Let's just sleep back to back and then wake up tomorrow and forget about this. I don't want it to destroy what we have, Ricebowl."

"What we have, huh?", Kaycee said with a smirk. Sean's little speech had brought back her confidence a bit. Sean just ignored her statement, but Kaycee could've sworn she saw him blush.

"G'night, Kaycee"

"Night, Shamu"

***

When Kaycee woke up, 3 things immediately came to her mind: 1, she wanted to eat something 'cause she was hungry. 2, she didn't want to go get it 'cause it was way too early to get up and 3, she was also way too comfy to ever leave her...where actually was she? She was definitely not in her bed, this was way comfier. But then what was it that she was laying on? Then she remembered: they went camping, she and Sean came too late and that's the reason she had to share a tent with him. It had been awkward 'cause it'd just be the two of them. They'd agreed to lay back to back and she'd snuggled in her sleeping bag, but that was definitely not what she was laying on right now. So that could only mean...startled by her sudden realisation did she open her eyes. What she saw made her eyes go wide in shock. While she slept, she'd somehow gotten out of her sleeping bag. Now she was laying partially on top of Sean, while her head was nuzzled in the crook of his neck. One of her arms hung beside her, while the other one laid on Sean's chest. She could feel his steady heartbeat. Realisation hit her, and it occured to her that while her heart screamed to just keep still and enjoy the moment, it wouldn't be fair towards Sean. He wasn't in control of his actions right now. So with that in mind, she began carefully peeling herself off of her best friend. She didn't get very far, however, 'cause soon a strong arm wrapped itself around her waist and forced her to her original position.

"Where do you think you're going?"

Kaycee thought that this was her dream and she could wake up any moment, in her own cold sleeping bag. She wanted to stay like this forever, pressed against Sean while his raspy morning voice made her insides tingle. She got goosebumpes just thinking about it. Sean apparently felt that, 'cause he said: "Are you cold? Here, get under the sleeping bag" and with that, he opened his eyes and saw Kaycee laying incredibly close to him with a face that was half confused, half super happy. Her face triggered his memories, and he realised that he'd only dreamed that they were dating and he didn't have any right to wrap his arm around her like that. He immediately let go of her, and started to apologize: "I-I'm so so sorry Kaycee, I didn't mean to-" but Kaycee cut him of: " It's alright Sean. Actually, I should apologize. After all, I'm the one who laid on top of you, not the other way around. I wanted to get off of you, I didn't do it on purpose and I'm very sorry for waking you up like that so early."

Sean was shocked by her sudden change of attitude. Normally, his Kaycee (as he secretely called her in his head) was always cheerful and never afraid to speak her mind and be 100 % herself. The girl he was facing right now was so different: She was flustered, had a guilty expression on her face and was apologizing for something he could've only dreamed of happening, someday. She couldn't feel guilty for laying close to him, he decided. In fact, this was the perfect opportunity to tell her the truth. It was a win-win situation, he realized. He could finally get his feelings out of his system and, regardless of her returning those feelings, she'd at least feel not as guilty about what she did.

"Kaycee Caitlin Rice, I sincerely hope you're not going to hate me after what I'm going to say. I didn't mind you laying so close to me at all. In fact, I really, really liked it. I- God Kaycee, you make me feel things I didn't even know I was capable of feeling. When you're next to me, I feel so much happier, so much more alive...you're the only one who can let me feel that way, and I couldn't imagine my life without you in it. That's also the reason I won't ask you what you think of me. I'm not asking you to go out with me or to date me. The last thing I ever want to do is pushing you in a relationship you don't want to be in. You'd feel unhappy and I could never live with myself knowing I made you unhappy. I just want you to know what I feel for you. I'm done beating around the bush. I won't ever ask you anything in return, I just want you to know that you're the most incredibly girl I've ever known, and I'm extremely thankful to be able to call you my friend."

As cheesy as it was, Kaycee couldn't stop the tears from streaming down her face. She knew her parents loved her, and her siblings and her friends, but never in her entire lifetime had someone told her their feelings for her so passionately and sincerely. It made her whole body go warm and her heart swell with adoration for the guy who was so close to her right now, both litteraly and figuratively. He deserved to know how she felt. He deserved to know why she always stopped flirting at some point, like there was some invisible line she never crossed. He deserved to know why she was so distant one minute, and so attached to him the other. He deserved to know how important he was to her.

"Sean, I need to tell you how I feel too, 'cause I don't think you understand how much you mean to me. Isn't it obvious that I have feelings for you too? I'm just so scared Sean. Scared of what the whole world is going to say about us...you know, dating. I mean, they're already shipping us like crazy. And while I don't mind that, there are also a lot of people who think we're way too young to date someone. People who think we should focus on our career. I'm still working on not caring about their opinions. If I were to have a relationship with you, wich, believe me, sounds like heaven, I wouldn't want the relationship to suffer because of my insecurity. I just want jou to know that it's something I know I need to work on, and I'm going to do just that. Because believe me, I love the prospect of showing how we feel about eachother to the whole world, without being afraid of what they're going to say. And I'm incredibly grateful that you want to give me the time I need for that."

Throughout her speech, Sean had gotten a wide smile on his face. He finally understood her now. And she had feelings for him too! He litteraly couldn't be any happier right now.

"I'll gladly wait for you. A million years if I have to. I'm happy that in the meantime, I get to be your friend."

"Oh Sean"

Kaycee snuggled even closer to him, enjoying Sean's hand gently rubbing her back.

"You're already so much more than just my friend."

**********************************************

Thanks for reading! I wrote this a pretty long time ago and I feel like my writing has gotten better since then, but it still holds a special place in my heart for being the first English story I ever published (this is originally from my wattpad account)

Rune xx

[caroline18mars]

A Man On Fire - Chapter 24

“Goddammit, fuck this shit!” Sean kicked the dresser making Shayla jump back in shock as she walked out of the bathroom, “Oh djeezes, Sean, you scared me, what's wrong? what are you doing back here?” she put her hand over her chest to calm her hammering heart. “That boss of yours is fucking my friend, that's what's wrong!” he barked at her, “what? Who? What friend?” it was too early in the morning to solve riddles like this, “Jared is fucking Harper, that's who! For crying out loud, do I need to drop another bomb so you'll wake up? He is fucking Harper for fuck's sakes! I ran into them in the hall, he was practically ripping her clothes off”. Oh god no, anyone, but not that alternative trollop, how blind could she be? Now they'd never see the end of it “why do you care so much? Your 'friend' is gonna be out the door sooner than you can say 'relationship', Jared doesn't do relationships, he's not the type, a thousand Harpers cross his path over the course of 6 months or so, and where are they now? Not even one of them stuck to him, so why would she? she's obviously the one who seduced him, that stupid, fuckin' golddigging cow! but what bothers me the most is that you seem so very worried about her..again!”. Don't give in to her, no, don't do it, she doesn't understand, how could she? “of course I'm worried about Harper, she's..we're friends, best friends, Shayla and whatever you say or do isn't gonna change all that, you've been bitching about her ever since she got here, and you need to stop! Do you hear me? You need to STOP”.

Finally his hands slid under her T-shirt, fina-fuckin-ly, she was ready to go and so was he from the feel beneath those stupid pajama pants he was still wearing, she had reached down there a few times, but he had gently swatted her hands away, she was the centre of his attention and not the other way round, but this foreplay was just driving her insane, they hadn't even undressed for god's sakes, her lips were raw and tingly from all the biting and sucking, but it was the sweetest pain. “Jared..please..” she breathed as she put her hands on his chest so their lips had to break contact but he immediately attacked her throat instead, his hot breath dancing against skin there “what? What is it?”. He dared to ask what was up? You don't know? Hang on, I'll let you feel what is up, and as she lifted her hips to let him feel that down there she was roaring to go, there was a sudden banging on the door, nonono, noooo ignore it, they'll go away, ignore..he slowly let go of her..it! a frustrated breath escaped her as he sat up. “Don't..move, ok?” he tugged her bottom lip with his teeth before he jumped off the bed, not funny Leto, not funny at all, she pulled her shirt down over her stomach again with another frustrated sigh.

”This better be really, really good” he opened the door to see an obviously agitated Shayla about to pop a few veins in her head, standing there “you need to get to the venue right now!” she hissed at him while her eyes seemed to look for something in the room behind him. “I'm..kinda in the middle of something, Shay..I'll deal with it later” had she officially gone bonkers?. “Is she in there?” ah, there it was, took her a bloody long time to figure it out, “none of your business” he snapped and was about to close the door on her, “the car will be at the entrance in fifteen minutes, better get cracking, Jared..oh and I've got a room booked for her so she won't have to sleep in your's anymore” what??? you stupid, snarky bitch! He slammed the door shut in her face and stood there fuming with anger for a second, until he realized who was waiting for him, fuck all the foreplay, taking out all that anger and frustration in a rampant, steaming sex session that would not know it's equal was the only thing on his agenda right now. Oh nononono, he found her curled up and in a deep sleep when he entered the room, jetlag had finally caught up with her, GODDAMNNNN!! no no no, you have to be awake, we have to finish this, I swear I'll explode if you don't...he touched her leg..nope, out like a light..ok, last attempt, put the duvet over her, keep her warm..still nothing..just go before you do something irreversibly stupid and fuck her awake, no, no, NO!..he turned and tiptoed over to the bathroom, it would have been a lie to say that nothing but a cold shower could cure the heat coursing through his body, just go!.

”Let's get one thing straight, you do NOT interfere with my love life ever again, is that UNDERSTOOD?” he slammed the door shut behind him with an almighty bang as he got in the waiting car, “it's not because your love life is a complete disaster, that you have to ruin mine along the way, oh and another thing, wrap that leash you have on that so called boyfriend of yours a little bit tighter around his neck, because I know what his intentions are with her, he's like a goddamn dog in heat around her”. Shayla nervously plucked the scarf resting in her lap, yes Jared, I know, what do you think I'm trying to do?, she only nodded, she wasn't in the mood for more arguments, she knew by now when to back down, so all she could do was bite away the tears as she pretended to be interested in the city coming back to life on the other side of the carwindow. Hmmm, the smell of Jared wafting up to her from the sheets, what better way to wake up..wait..wake up? But..oh my god! Harper sat up in bed, looking around her..she was in Germany..didn't she..didn't they? Fragments of their make-out session started rolling in her head..no they didn't have sex..fuck..where was he? Did she fall asleep on him? Oyoyoy..phone, where..? oh..

From: BJLCubbins

To: HCDeRobiano

Subject: Didn't Sleeping Beauty sleep for 100 years?

Sleepyhead,

Everything inside me screamed to lay down next to you, cuddle up to you and just have my very, very wicked way with you, but duty called..so here I am at the venue all frustrated and aching to touch you, feel you..I need you woman..

Anyway, if you read this, why don't you come over? Have (late) lunch with me?

I'm sorry I'm not being more poetic, I just need to be with you.

Your frustrated prince charming Joe

Ahhh..sweet, adorable man, she clutched the phone to her heart, this was too good to be true, this was the stuff fairytales were made of and so far her life hadn't been anything like that, no..no dwelling on that old subject again, you're gonna get up, you're gonna take a shower, get all dolled up and then..she danced towards the bathroom..she was gonna see that hunk of hers with the gropygrabbyfeely hands that lit her skin on fire, yawwzaaaa! She giggled swaying her hands above her head and her hips in the same rhythm.

”No, I want the whole battery of lights on me..taddaadadaddaaa..and bang” Jared shouted instructions over the music to the lightcrew, fucking hell , what was so hard to understand about this? A loud whistle followed by “All lights front of house on chorus” made his heart do a million somersaults and his head turn, together with all the lights above his head, the right way this time, that's my girl, damn sure!. “Hey” she crawled on stage and walked towards the centre with one eye on the lights above their heads, “I don't know if you can help me, sir, but I'm looking for my frustrated prince-charming-floppy-hair, he's called Jared really, but as weird as it sounds, I can call him floppy hair, have you seen him?” and then flapped her eyelashes at him. “Dingding, you found him alright” he smiled and cupped her chin to kiss her, “I'm sorry” she whispered against his lips, “for what? For falling asleep on me? you're here now, that's all that matters”. Sean who was hanging in the ropes above their heads cursed under his breath, great just great, did they really expect him to stand aside and watch them frolic like that? Godfuckingdamn Harper, where's your head at? I thought you were smarter than that? Fuck Shayla, he was going to have a serious talk with his best friend later and make her see sense. Enough with the smooching already, ENOUGH! “Yo, Harp, the fuck you're doing leaving me hanging here? What's next? Just get your ass up here, it's your fucking lightbox” he shouted down at her. A chill ran down her spine as she felt Jared's grip tighten on her waist “it's ok, I'll just go show him that the alpha male of the pack around here is a woman” she took a step back with a forced grin, the fuck did he just say to her? Jared reluctantly let her go and turned his head to see Shayla dissapear in the catacombs of the venue, my god how the hell did things get so crazy around here?.

Harper felt a surge of pain shoot up from her hips to her shoulders as she crawled up the rope ladder, don't let them, and definitely not Sean, see you're in pain, don't give him the satisfaction, he knows well enough that she took a hard tumble back in NY which she still hadn't recovered from and now he asked her to crawl up a rope? “What the fuck is your problem, Sean? Want me to show you how it's done? Well get out of my fuckin' way then!” she pushed past him on the narrow beam high above the ground, that was only held up by ropes “if that's how we talk to each other these days, then fine, anything you can do, I can do fuckin' better” she hissed, God, she smelled so good, it even made his heartbeat pick up having her so near, no, he was in love with Shayla, not her. Jared let out a breath he didn't know he was holding as he watched her trying to keep her balance so high up there, he should take her rock climbing and teach her..she was fast and damn agile and he could only dream of what that would be like to have her wriggling and heaving underneath him..ok focus, tonight was gonna be the night for sure, just keep those dirty dreams for later, but damn, seeing such a beautiful woman operate a heavy lighting system was just fuckin' HOT!. Ok, left, right, front wall and cube open..perfect timing, damn she was good at what she did..and she actually loved doing it, it was like painting, creating images with light, she looked down and saw all the thumbs up from the crew, phew, ok, she could sit here all night actually and wallow in her freshly gained respect from a whole crew of men, but she had a much more important man to please down there. “That's how it's done, you got that?” she crawled back on the wooden beam where Sean was standing with an even bigger thundercloud plastered on his face, “now if you'll excuse me, I've got more exquisite company waiting for me down there”. Jared watched her wobble a bit as Sean kept standing there and hissed under a sharp intake of breath, stupid ass, just get out of her frikkin' way, do you want her to fall down?. Harper wasn't even near the last few steps on the ladder when she felt a pair of warm hands on her waist that plucked her off the ladder like she was a feather, oyyy she could be glued to this man for eternity and she wouldn't even protest, what a body, what a mistery, what a glorious, glorious man. Mouths searched for a second, instinctively found each other, lips locked, tongues danced, teeth bit down hard on a lip, don't let go of me, whatever you do, don't let go of me, not now, not ever, hold me this tight and this close to your body forever, I'm not falling for you, I'm head over heels in love with you and I don't ever want to feel anything or anyone else in my life again, youyouyouyouyouyou, beating in the rhythm of my heart.

[sugarcanestock]

classroom 5

I can’t stand Takoda, every time he speaks, no matter how kind the words may be, all I can think is how much better off we would be without him. It wasn’t always this way though, I suppose at first I rather liked him, but that was then and this is now, and now he’s infuriating. He could simply breath, and I'm ready to slit his throat.   Oak grove isn’t a normal school, it’s a special school for equally special people. Everyone there is either retarded, autistic, suicidal, or some criminal. I’m no exception, I am so dead inside you can smell the rotting rom a mile away. The staff here are usually just as special as the students, although a very few of them are normal, never the good kind of normal.   The staff at the oak grove have the patience of absolute saints, at least the good ones. I’ve seen some staff watch a kid running around breaking things and causing a ruckus, but his staff didn’t so much as flinch. She just asked him if he wanted a break, he said yes and that was that. Its not uncommon to hear screaming and someone banging on the walls, usually we just lock the door and continue the lesson. The teachers must be some other kind of being, despite the horrible way some of the students treat them, they continue with a smile.I have asked them why they stay, being so under payed, and mistreated, they usually say how they want to help us and describe the joy it brings them when we get better.   But some of these staff are so far up your ass you can’t even share something with your friends without it being confiscated. Mrs. Janine everyone hates her, until she brings some snack into class, even then the love doesn’t last long. She is the one I call ‘rule hitler’ you can take what you will with that. Mrs. Star isn’t so bad, but she is certainly too religious, same with Janine, I feel like I’m suffocating in all that stupid Christian mumbo jumbo. Mrs. Star was in the music industry and she just must talk about it constantly and tell you how she ‘sang for this person’ and ‘wrote for this person’ and’ blah blah blah’. She’s got an ok singing voice, but she’s very energetic, too much for me. she is trying to write a tv show script, but her writing works better for an 80’s game show. If she could just stop sucking jesus’s dick for one second, maybe I could stand her better. Mrs. Janine likes to butt her way into our conversations about how we hate god, trying to fill us with the lies she eats every Sunday.

  Not a Satan worshiper, don’t even believe in Satan, certainly don’t worship him. But I have nothing against him, he seems like a chill dude, way better than that god prick.Since god created everything right? And he makes no mistakes? Then he created Satan and wanted him to be evil. Also if satan punishes us for being bad, doesn’t that make him good?     My class is small, smaller than my old school. My old school had over 30,000 students. This one, I’m pretty sure it doesn’t even have 100. Everyone knows each other, and there is no way of getting out of all the drama. That’s one of the many things I hate about this school, I don’t give a hairless rats ass about who insulted who.   In my class there is Marissa, the school thot. But she’s cool I don’t mind her. She recently had a girlfriend, I thought they were rather cute together. Though I think it was Marissa's longest relationship, all good things must come to an end, and just before their two-month anniversary it did. I'm glad though, I am friends with her ex, and I didn’t want her to be cheated on, Marissa certainly isn't above that.     Then there is Maria, she’s not my favorite, I think she is a little too conceded for my taste. But she cute, but way too focused on how she looks, and her nails. I think if she spent just a little less time on her looks, and worked on her education, she really could do great things.     There is also sorelle I’ve known her for awhile. She once said she wanted to be referred to as a guy and called Grayson, but I’m not sure if she still wants to since she doesn’t respond to it, and no one calls her that. Her and Maria are friends with Marissa, but they are jealous of each other, they always spread rumors about each other. Marissa is rather daft, and usually doesn’t know who to side with, so she picks both, each one on a different day.     Then we’ve got the fat ass of the class, not that I think being fat is an issue, it’s just being that fat isn’t healthy. He’s extremely annoying, and he gets pissed off with the simples little jokes. He also loves to infuriate me, and he’s far too big to fight. His name is Andrew, he’s a sports fan, I hate sports they're so boring and pointless, unless you play them, but only freaks watch sports.   There’s the two love birds of our class, scratch that the two love birds of the whole school. Sean and Catherine. I greatly prefer Catherine’s company, since she isn’t as intense. She is rather timid and usually keeps to herself, but Sean helps her come out of her shell. She listens to bands like pierce the veil, and stuff like that. I too am emo, well I guess I’m more goth, but I prefer Rusty cage, and my chemical romance. They both are giant weebs, and are constantly playing Pokémon on their ds’s, I mean they are dorm so there’s not much else to do. Dorm of course means, they live here at the school, but its less like a collage and more like a residential everything is restricted, you cant even have paper.   Alex who I like the best, he’s very quiet and his stomach is a black hole. I swear I’ve never seen him turn down food, he has a part in the school Christmas play, as a hungry elf, just constantly eating. He is polite and has never caused me any issues, so I try to treat him the same.   Allie who is new to the dorms. A sweet soul with a bit of a mischievous glint. Marissa and sorelle don’t like her cause she takes things without asking, she thinks she’s being cute but she really is just being rude. I don’t particularly mind her though, I think she just needs some lessons in manners, and someone needs to teach her to stop making up stories. She tried to tell me she was some animal whisperer, I acted as if I believed her but I saw right through her bs, she does that a lot, make up stories about herself to look cool, I think it’s a bit childish.   I suppose now I Must once again talk about Takoda, oh how just his very name makes my blood boil, so stupid, the retarted Dakoda. I once said one of his middle names (yes he has more than one) was dumb and he started crying, then gave me an essay about what all his names meant, of course I told him I didn’t care and he loudly exclaimed.

“Fuck you!” with tears running down his face, and a shaking voice. It makes me laugh to this day, what a little bitch.

At first he seemed charming and funny, but that was before I knew what a good joke was. And the creep was caught masturbating in the girls bathroom, that’s why he’s here. What a freak. He tries to tell people he was caught fucking a trans person, as if any trans person would like a total joke like him. he has no fashion sense, he wears cargo shorts and t-shirts everyday. And if you think there's nothing wrong with that, and or you do that, there is something wrong with you. He laughs at and tells the dumbest jokes, he genuinely still finds cat memes hilarious, you know the ones.

“can I haz cheeseburger.” he even keeps a book of them, he tried to say he babysat, but I saw him looking through it and laughing, what a loser.

. He also makes racist jokes, then we call him out for it, and he can’t take it he’ll get all pissy. One time we made him cry, just for calling him out for being a racist, what a loser. He said that a black guy on the tv looked like the only black student we have in our class, they looked nothing alike other that the fact that they were both black. And he has the audacity, to say that I of all people can’t take a joke, when I give him shit. Anyway, what a prick, right?

But then who am I? just some judgmental bitch, right? Well that may be true there surprisingly more to me than that. I’m mute so that should already tell you how weird I must be. But it gets better, I’m punk/goth it depends on the day. And I’m hella suicidal, and depressed. I am schizophrenic and always paranoid, but it affects me less now that I want to die. There’s nothing else really interesting with me other than the fact that I have large breasts, so I’m a big titty goth bitch.

The day starts off completely normal, if you asked me, I would say it’s too normal. I swear I haven't even heard a single person screaming. Mr. Higgans our bubbly, sweet teacher. What a saint, he began our math lesson.

“alright, so you each have your notebooks, right?” no one in the class verbally responded, but a few of us nodded, including me. I flip to a random page and start writing out the equasions on a blank page.

“alright, Evlyn do you know what page you’re doing?” I nodded and promptly began working, it was simple enough, just regular find the slope of a line. Something seemed off, the hall was quiet, I have been at this school for long enough to know that prolonged silence is not good. I swiftly get out of my seat, Mrs.. Janine as nosey as ever, is out of hers just as fast. When I reach for the door handle she quickly interjects.

“where are you going?” I tell her to piss off, by flailing my hand in a dismissive motion. She needs to learn to mind her own damn business. Grabbing the door handle, I get a horrible sense of dread, but I push past it anyway.

Pushing the door open, all I see is a yellow gloved hand and a dirty, green rag. Without a second to process, I am being held against a tall, strong body, I can hear screaming, and I watch as other masked figures flood in. the second I realize what is happening, I am struggling, kicking, punching, and fighting to hold my breath. But it’s only a matter of time before I must breath in.

[cryinggameff]

Seventy-Two

Randi

I spent hours tossing and turning that night, and I knew why. I had been apart from Cayden for 3 days now, and i was starting to lose my mind. I got up out of the bed and decided to try and take a shower, hoping it would relax me, then got back in bed. The baby started doing all kinds of flips and tricks and I instinctively reached over to get Cayden’s attention because he loved feeling the baby move, he said it was the only time he got to connect with the baby, I carried it around all day. I sighed. But of course my hand came up empty.

I knew I had made a mistake leaving the house, but I was feeling so many things towards him, it was hard to lay next to him. clearly he hadn't hurt me on purpose but i couldn't get past the betrayal, and honestly insecurities i felt. I thought i was giving Cayden something he didn't have, his first child, something no one could take away. Now i just felt stupid and i wasn't sure i could handle another woman having a child with my husband. What was I supposed to do if Cayden really had another son? Would I leave him over that? Something that happened before I even knew him. That sounded unfair. I threw off the blankets in frustration. Just then the doorbell went off downstairs. I paused. My stomach knotted, i was pretty sure i knew who it was. Only one person came by at such odd times. I got myself off the bed and put my robe on to answer the door.

Cayden stood with his hands in his pockets, wearing a hoodie and sweatpants. I had talked to him on the phone a bit, he was checking on the baby, but i hadn't seen his face and had forgotten just how annoyingly attractive he was.

“What are you doing here? It’s 3 in the morning,” I pulled my robe closed. He stepped inside past me so i closed the door behind  him. He looked down at me.

“Pack yo shit Randi. We going home,” he said simply, looking at me seriously. I looked at him like he had lost his mind.

“Do you think you’re my dad now?”

“No. I’m your husband, and I’m taking you and my kid home one way or another. This is ridiculous. I can’t sleep because I’m worried, I know you not sleeping either, which ain’t good for the baby. Your friends ain’t gonna take care of you the way I do, I know they not about to rub your feet or help you in the mornings,” he said. I hated that he was right. The only reason I was surviving this pregnancy was because of him. I still had really rough mornings and he made me smoothies or juice, something I could stomach since my morning sickness refused to go away even so late into the pregnancy, he ran my baths and often carried me to them. I was spoiled. Plus he gave amazing foot rubs, or on my lower back, which was beyond sore right now.

“You can't just ignore all your problems and act like things are ok Cayden, even if i come home the problem still exists," i pointed out.

“I’m not ignoring it. I’m gonna be a man and sort it out, either way, but I need you by my side. Because I’m...terrified Randi,” he confessed. "This shit is as shocking to me as it is to you, and i have no idea what the fuck to do. Im a grown as man but im scared." My face softened and my heart broke. Cayden so rarely showed vulnerability that it meant a lot when he did.

"well so am i," i mumbled, wanting to cry again. He saw that and cupped my cheek. I closed my eyes. When i opened them his face was hovering over mine. He brushed his lips over mine and my body turned to jello. He kissed me so i kissed him back. His hand moved into my hair and he got a fistfull of it, tilting my head back. He kissed behind my ear and down my neck, stopping just before the spot i loved to have kissed. He pulled away and looked me dead in the eyes, his were dangerous, unpredictable and warning of trouble. That was Cayden, but that was also me. He took my hand in mine and started for the stairs with me in tow.

I wasn't sure what this was gonna help when he was hovering over me, kissing me and positioning himself with my entrance. He hiked my leg up, and pushed into me. I whimpered, at a loss for words as he moved in and out of me with slow, purposeful strokes. I always thought pregnancy would make sex awkward but Cayden always knew what he was doing and so far it hadn't been an issue. He had me on my side now, thrusting his hips from behind me, a really comfortable position for my bump and my back as well. His mouth was by my ear and his hand gripped my hip. He was grunting in my ear which honestly set me off and i felt myself peaking as he did.

He rolled over onto his back and brought me into his side". You gon bring yo ass home now?" he asked in my ear. I nodded like a fool. After that how could i not. He chuckled, bringing his hand to my bump.

"He's been really active today," i said, looking down at his hand on my stretched skin.

"He gets that from me. Gonna be a ball player," he smirked.

"Im gonna have my hands full i already know. I just hope he looks like you,"

That's how he convinced me, and the next morning i found myself in my bed at home, with him laying beside me. I was awake and he was sleeping with his arms around me. I was looking over at him just thinking. We had talked after our little distraction and Cayden had apologized to me for the drama this had caused. He also made it clear he had reached out to Keisha and they would be going to get a DNA test today actually but the results didn't change how he felt about me and our baby. Now i was just trying to make peace with the possible outcomes.

"You okay?" Cay asked, eyes still closed.

"I thought you were sleeping. Yeah im ok. Are you ok?" I asked. He opened his eyes and nodded. He looked at the clock on the bedside table.

"I have to go soon," he said, looking over at me. He was going to the doctor with Keisha to give samples for the paternity test. I nodded. He got up and took his ring off to get in the shower. I wasn't sure if i was supposed to go with him or just stay out of it, i felt awkward because he hadn't asked me to go. He paused. "You coming?" he asked.

"Do you want me there?" I sat up.

"I always want you there," he said. So i got up and went to shower with him. I wasn't sure where we stood or what all i was gonna do, but for now i was gonna stay by his side.

Cayden

I was scared shitless. I didn't know what the fuck was going on and what this meant. One minute i was having a baby with Randi, and the next i might have a 5 year old son. When i had reached out to Keisha i asked her if the kid was mine and she said it was possible. I was beyond pissed. Why would she not tell me that i might have a kid? I would have wanted to know. I would have helped her out and handled my shit.

Even worse than the fear though was the guilt i felt for throwing all this on Randi. She was 7 months pregnant and more vulnerable now than ever, and i wasn't sure she could handle this. She was beyond upset and i was afraid she resented me now. I was the one who wanted the baby and made her all these promises about how our life would be, now this. Last night she had told me it would kill her if someone else had my first child, and i wasn't sure what to do with that. She came home with me anyways but i was pretty sure her staying was dependent on the results. I couldn't help but think about how we had just started moving into the new house, even started working on the nursery.

She sat beside me at the doctor's office, one hand in mine and the other on her belly. I was glad she had agreed to come with me because she kept me calm. Keisha and her son were sitting across from us, waiting as well. The whole thing felt like a twisted maury episode and i was beyond uncomfortable but it was more awkward for Randi. She wouldn't say a word to Keisha or even look in her direction. After a few minutes a nurse came and called our names. I kissed Randi's hand before letting it go. "I'll see you in a lil bit," i said.

"I'll be here," she said with a small smile.

I gave a bunch of samples like blood and saliva, they even look some hair. The nurse said we wouldn't find out for a week, they had to take everything to a lab then they'd call us. So another week of this not knowing.

I had to go talk to Pat so i dropped Randi off at home then drove to the warehouse. Driving up to it i suddenly got a wave of memories from long before i met Randi. When Trey was still alive and i was doing drops or working on corners. In a way life was easier then, i didn't have any responsibilities, i just had to focus on me and my job, not 100 other niggas and what they doing. But it was sldo harder, i saw a lot when i was doing drops or working on corners. I lost a lot of friends, got shot for the first time. I thought i'd be doing this shit forever, and i was ok with it until SHE came into my life.

"So this it? You really out man?" Pat said, passing me the blunt he had lit.

"Me and Sean madea deal, so its done," i shrugged. "Im just getting my shit in order now."

"So what you gon be doing?" He asked.

"Imma get more involved in my legit businesses, be on some CEO shit. Im working with these nerdy niggas on this app right now and shit is pretty cool, and we bout to make soe mad coin to top it off."

"On some legal shit huh. I see you cuh."

"If you ever get sick of this shit i got you man," i shrugged.

"I appreciate that. You a real one. Eh let me know when that kid get here, i wanna see you on some fatherly shit," he laughed. I chuckled.

"Bet," i said.

After seeing Pat i called Ty so see where he was at. I hadn't told him about everything going on even though that was my nigga, this just felt like something i had to figure out privately first. The dude knew me like a brother though and he guessed something was up i guess from the way i was talking.

"You and miss attitude fighting again?" he asked.

"Nah, not that. Just some shit going on," i said,making a turn at the light.

"Yall gon be aight, i know that for a fact. Can't neither one of yall live without the other," he said.

"I hope you right fam," i said. I pulled into the parking lot. I was stopping by the store to pick up flowers and ice cream for Randi. "let me go in this store real quick. Imma catch you later." I hung up and got out the car.

When i got home Randi wasn't downstairs so i went up to the room to look for her. She was sleeping in the bed but she got up when i opened the door.

"My bad," i said, "I didn't know you were sleeping."

"It's ok," she said sitting up.

"I got you these, and ice cream too. Its downstairs," i handed her the flowers.

"They're beautiful" she smelled them.

"You're beautiful," i said, she laughed. "No seriously." I grabbed her chin affectionately. "You still love me right?" She nodded.

"Im always gonna love you Cayden," she said, which gave me hope. "even if we aren't together." That last part was like a knife to the heart.

Cole

Ty had agreed to move in with me after some persuading and well thought out arguments. He realized it was easier for him to commute than me because he didn’t work on a set schedule. I had to be at practice or games at strict times.

We were moving all his boxes in to the apartment. My place was really nice and spacious. It was a big apartment downtown and a few guys from the team lived in the building. Ty was coming in with a box when Devon walked by, in his way to his place down the hall.

“Ah shit! Is this the boyfriend?” He hollered, stopping in the doorway. I chuckled when I saw him and his huge grin.

“Yes. This is him. Ty, this my homie Devon,” i introduced them briefly.

“Cole hasn’t shut up about you moving in man,” Devon said. Ty grinned, feeling himself. I rolled my eyes.

"I said it once," i said, opening a box that was on the floor.

"He's a clingy nigga," Tyga said, "But i like it."

"Whatever," i said, walking to the door to leave and get more stuff. I was the clingy person in our relationship though. Ty was a bit more withdrawn, but it worked.

Devon left after a while and it was just us again. I was opening a box when i started thinking about the fact that i never thought this would work with me and him.

"You know, we never would have gotten back together if you hadn't almost died," i pointed out. He paused for a long time, thinking back to that time. "Sorry, i didn't mean to make you think about all that,"i said quickly, realising.

"It's ok. I guess you right. It took a coma and almost dying for me to fully accept myself and my feelings for you. Guess my mama was right, i am hardheaded." We both laughed. After a few minutes i asked,

"Do you still think about it?" i asked. I meant getting shot.

"Sometimes, randomly. Not like actually getting shot but mostly about being knocked out for so long," He said, unwrapping something.

"What was it like?"

"I don't exactly remember. I just remember wanting to wake up, to get up, and i coudn't. That...was pretty scary. Sometimes i be having dreams about that, wanting to move but i can't," he said quietly. I stopped what i was doing to really look at him. Vulnerable Ty was so rare.

"That sounds scary," i said. "I have bad dreams sometimes to. That you didn't make it. But not so much anymore," i explained. He nodded. We continued packing and that was that. That little conversation was a lot for us though.

After some unpacking we ordered food and ate it like animals. We hadn't eaten since breakfast and it was 5pm now.

"So you staying here tonight?" i asked. I knew he had a lot of work to do because things were busy now. Cayden was getting out and Sean was taking over so people were in a bit of panic. He was helping Cayden sort things out.

"Nah. I gotta go back. Imma be here tomorrow though," he said. I nodded.

"Ok. I guess i can start putting some of your  stuff away, if you don't mind," i offered.

"Awe, how sweet," he teased. I scowled.

"Put away your own shit then," i said, turning to leave. He grabbed my arm.

"Nah but forreal that would be lit, you know im bad at being organized and shit."

"Oh i know, ive slept at your place," i said. He gave me a mug and i howled. "Im playing," i pulled him closer by the arm to kiss him.

"I gotta get going soon," he said. I nodded.

"Do your thing. I have practice in a few hours anyways," i said. I wasn't really phased by his coming and going because i understood that was the job, and we generally weren't attached at the hip. I think it worked because we both had our own thing going. But not gonna lie it was nice to come home to someone at the end of the day and now we'd be doing that more.

"I'll see you tomorrow night," he said. He paused. "I love you," he said. I grinned.

"Bruh you soft," i said. His face dropped and i laughed. "I love you too," i kissed him one last time.

[poppyknitt]

The Calm under the Storm (a JSE Egos fanfiction)

JJ sat on the balcony fence in the back of the Egos’ house, silently enjoying himself as the clouds above their home poured down liter upon liter of rain each and every minute. The calm serenity of the world around him right now was really, very enjoyable.

He heard the sound of a floorboard squeaking behind him, and he quickly turned, his instincts telling him it was his ex-tormentor, Anti. When he saw it was just Robbie, however, he relaxed, smiled, and waved him over. The younger ego shuffled over, and happily sat next to him on the balcony fence.

“... Loud noise... scary. Jamie know where noise from..?” The zombie asked him.

“It comes from the sky. The clouds tend to get very loud when it rains.” Jameson signed, “Do you need a blanket, Robbie?”

Robbie glanced up, and nodded, “Is cold...”

“That it is,” JJ smiled, and he hopped down onto the balcony, heading to the door so he could get a blanket for Robbie, “We probably shouldn’t sit on the railing for too long though. We might slip.”

Robbie paused for a moment, and then nodded, following what JJ did, and jumping off the railing. He instead sat on the hammock, gently pushing it so that it swung in a way that wasn’t scary for him. JJ went inside, and walked up to Robbie’s room, which was usually lit with a dark purple-colored lamp or so, since the regular yellow or white lights seemed to hurt his eyes. He went inside, and was greeted with the partly familiar setup Robbie had- Stars and other cool spacey things hung from the ceiling on strings, the walls and roof were painted a dark blue/purple color, and had the occasional glowing “star” here and there, whilst the floor was covered with a soft brown, wooden flooring, with a large, multi-colored rug covering most of it. The far corner of the room hosted his bed, which was a cozy hammock made of a soft, silk-like cloth, that had a neat little “roof” above it that was basically just a circular curtain rod with translucent cloth hanging off of it, and some cloth-covered wooden planks that connected to it and the walls. It was really well-made, though, and to be honest, to say he wasn’t jealous of Robbie’s setup would be a bit of a lie. On the wall that had the room’s entrance, Robbie had a tall dresser, in case he ever needed to use it, for whatever reason, and it had a couple of stuffed toys on it. Speaking of, the adjacent corner to the one that hosted Robbie’s bed had several of them, mostly just in a slightly disorganized pile on top of a large teddy bear. A nearby shelf had a few figurines and stuffed toys that had been modeled after the egos(all aside from Anti, that is), and below it were a few more randomly placed stuffed toys. There was a closet next to Robbie’s bed, which also connected to Henrik’s room, since Robbie, being undead, had a slight problem with staying together 100% of the time, and should he happen to loose a limb or two, it would be easiest just to have him situated next to Henrik, than to have to haul him across the whole house, since Henrik usually just stays in his room/office, working on paperwork, when he isn’t at the hospital, doing his job.

JJ went into the closet, and, thankfully, found a decent blanket fairly quickly. He brought it back outside, happily “humming” to himself. He opened the door, and dropped the blanket in surprise. Robbie had apparently knocked a few of the new stitches on his wrist loose.

“Oh dear! Robbie, are you okay?” He signed worriedly.

“Is okay... didn’t hurt. Can just.. get Henry to fix later.” ‘Henry’ was what Robbie called Henrik.

“Ah, there’s no need for that. Henrik taught me how to stitch things up a short while after he returned.” JJ said, and went inside to get a medical kit.

Once he finished restitching the wound, he went to get the blanket, and joined Robbie on the hammock. He gave him the blanket, but Robbie insisted he share it too, so JJ went along with it, not wanting to start an argument, since, after all, that would just ruin the peaceful silence.

About half an hour passed before he fell asleep, but to be honest, it was probably a lot quicker than that, as time seemed to slow down as he just got increasingly exhausted. It didn’t help that Robbie had already fallen asleep, either. Eventually, though, he just gave up trying to fight his exhaustion, and reality blurred into dream as he drifted off.

~~~~

Robbie woke up to the faint sound of glitchy computer noises. He looked around, and blinked, as he saw a figure in the doorway, “... Henry?” He tilted his head. The figure disappeared behind the wall, so he got up, and looked inside, only to find that there was no one there.

A hand fell on his shoulder, and he turned to see JJ standing there.

“Robbie, what’s wrong?” JJ signed.

He simply just pointed to the glowing lines that hung from the edge of the balcony roof.

[JJ & Robbie #1]

Henrik #1

Marvin #1

Chase #1/Darkiplier Prologue pt. 2

JBM #1

Sean #1/Darkiplier Prologue pt. 1

Anti #1

JJ #2

Marvin & Robbie #2

[thatalfredpennyworth]

KamehaCon Recap

 KamehaCon was amazing. I’ve never felt so welcomed and safe at any other convention I have been to. AX was great fun but because it was like, 300,000 people, there was no intimacy except within the cosplay meetups. This one had a small town feel to it and I honestly may not go to any other cons until next year, that’s how satisfying this was. I traveled around with my friend Rebecca who was cosplaying Arale. Th first thing we did was go to Brian’s booth because he was the first guy there that morning and the first booth you see when you turn the corner. I of course mentioned the OVER 9000! thing because well, that meme is legendary and we had a good laugh about it. Rebecca made all three of the Vegetas crochet plushies and gave one to each. We met up with this family and their daughter who was cosplaying Goku but was 100% team Vegeta. There was a life size Vegeta next to Brian’s booth that everyone was taking selfies with and the family’s daughter ran up to it and hugged it while squeeing “IT’S VEGETA IT’S VEGETA!” and basically doing the same thing to my friend Allen and the rest of the Vegeta cosplayers. It was the cutest thing ever and I wish I could have seen her meet Chris because that would have been adorable to film(Team Vegeta Rules!). We then waited for Chris for 3 hours and I knew his line would be crazy long so I came prepared  with my japanese final flash cards(pun totally intended). I did get visibly nervous when meeting Chris to the point where the girl behind me had to push me forward and was speechless for a minute but was able to relax. Chris was really sweet and even kept calling me “HIS BULMAAAAA!” in Vegeta’s voice. I just about died inside. While waiting in the 3 hour line, I met the couple that got married by Chris on sunday and they told me in advance what would be going on XD. I wished them a happy marriage. Throughout the wait for Chris, Ryo walked by us and waved at us a total of 4 times ^-^. When Rebecca gave Chris his plushie, he asked her if he did some voodoo magic on it if it would hurt Sean and we all cracked up. So after Chris, I went around the con taking pictures of cosplayers and getting stopped for photo ops myself. I stopped by Monica’s booth because i kind of had to as I was cosplaying Bulma and we had this little conversation about weird things people say and do on twitter XD. She and Chris were definitely the most fun. I attended two panels, the Beerus panel and the Vegeta panel. At the end of the Beerus panel Jason Douglass got up from his seat and began dancing to “YEAH!” while tossing snack pack pudding at the audience...and then he “Hakai’d” us. The Vegeta panel was defiantly the most fun. I left after the group big bang attack because I had to meet my friend Kim at Ryo’s booth but it was a fun and memorable panel. Ryo and Sean both had their booths upstairs away from the craziness. I was not originally planning on seeing Sean because I dd not think I would have the time for another crazy line but by the time I got over to his booth which was 5:30 ish, there were only three other guys there so I decided to say hello. Sean was absolutely adorable and gave me the biggest hug after we took the selfie together. I kind of wanted to take him back with me ^-^. There was one little girl who I think was around 5 ish who had the cutest Goku cosplay on but when it was her turn to meet Sean, she got all shy and wouldn’t go near him. Sean took it well though. I finally got in Ryo’s line with Kim and had a brief talk with him in Japanese(It was finals week, I had to practice). Ryo was rather quiet but still a sweet guy and meeting the original Vegeta was really special. After that, I decided to be done with autographs for the day and headed down to the vendors to do some shopping. I ran into Derek Padula(Dao of Dragon Ball) who has faved several of my instagram posts and we talked about Light of Hope, the infamous “orange bricks”, AX and the fun of cosplay. I did not have time to say hi to anyone else because I had to get home but on my way out I walked by Phil’s booth(Nappa) and gave him a wave. I honestly have to say that this is the most welcomed I’ve felt at a con. The dragon ball fandom is full of people that look out for one another and care about each other. I cannot wait to come back for more. You guys are like a family to me.  

[newquintonrp]

annabel lee nash || ariana grande || female || december 4th,1996 || escort || the royal oaks || the addict

❝ In a pipe she flies to the Motherland and sells love to another man ❞

HISTORY.

TRIGGER WARNING: self harm, drug abuse, prostitution

Named after one of the greatest love poems in history to commemorate her parents love for each other and their precious daughter, Annabel grew up knowing everything but love. The Nash family was nothing more than a troupe of actors putting on a show for their hometown. On the surface they were the perfect American family; class, wealth, and enough love to go around for everyone. But behind closed doors the family was anything but classy and loving. Annabel grew up almost never seeing her parents except for when they had work events or town events and needed to show off for everyone. Sean and Claudia were set on becoming world famous doctors before their little girl came into the picture, and of course, that ruined both of their dreams. That didn’t stop them from spending every waking moment from the time she was born working though. Annabel knew she wasn’t in the plan. She knew she was supposed to be the son Sean always wanted and she knew her mother never wanted her at all. Not only had they told her multiple times since she was old enough to understand but their actions only echoed their harsh words. Annabel spent the majority of her time alone or with nannies who could barely speak English. In the rare occasion that both of her parents were home at the same time, it was like world war 3 for the girl. The constant fighting had become so common for her that nothing she did could drown out the sound of her mother shrill voice that often sent chills down her spine. She’d lock herself in her room and blast music to attempt to drown the sounds out but not even that worked.

Growing up unwanted and unloved left Annabel confused and vulnerable as a young teen. She began looking for love in all the wrong places, usually starting with some older boys bed. Not only was she looking for love by doing this but she was always trying to get the attention of her parents by acting out and committing one of the worst sins in Christianity. But not even running around with older boys all hours of the night granted her an ounce of attention. Eventually she gave up chasing her parents attention and just focused on finding someone who would care about her. And she found that in Dean Grace, her ex-best friends boyfriend. He was charismatic, understanding, above all else, loving. It didn’t take long for Annabel to fall head over heels for the boy and eventually betray her closest friend in the worst way imaginable. Naturally her whole life came crashing down on her. She was suddenly the villain of New Quinton. Everyone hated her for what she’d done to Addision, the most innocent girl in town. It didn’t matter that Dean was the one who cheated, he was forgiven by the town and all assumed that Annabel had seduced him because of her reputation around town but that couldn’t have been further from the truth and because Dean never said otherwise, no one believed her when she tried telling her side. As a result, Annabel was left alone with Dean and no one else which was great for her at first. Finally, after years of loneliness and never knowing love, she had that and she wasn’t going to let go of that for anything. But of course, like everything else in Annabel’s life, nothing good lasts for too long. The boy left her to go back to Addision and Annabel was left destroyed. Her entire world came crashing down on her. What had she done so wrong to chase the one person who loved her back into the arms of someone else? What was so bad about Annabel Nash that just made her so unlovable, so undesirable? She was a girl who had too much love in her heart and no one to share it with and it was killing her from the inside out.

Self-destruction became Annabel’s way of life after the break up. Sure, she always had destructive tendencies but now she was out of control with little to no regards for herself.  She dropped out of high school, locked herself away in her apartment, and began using drugs. Since the age of 11 Annabel had been drinking but by the age of 16 she was a full blown alcoholic. She loved the way it made her feel warm, safe, and loved. It was a security blanket of sorts but now not even that was doing the trick for her anymore. At a college party, Annabel was introduced to a man named Francois. He was dreamy and Annabel fell for him instantly. He was a rich socialite from Italy who was able to show her all the finer things in life and before long Annabel was under his full control. It turned out that he actually worked for an Italian gang and was scanning campuses for young girls. He pumped her full of drugs like heroin and before she knew it, Annabel was a full on addict working as a high end escort for entertainers, political officials, and the likes. But even then she still hadn’t hit her rock bottom. It wasn’t until her Grandpa, perhaps the only person to show her any real love, passed that Annabel really lost herself completely. To deal with the grief, Annabel kept her thoughts pushed down with drugs, alcohol, and sex. The constant partying only worked for so long before she decided she couldn’t take it anymore and attempted to take her life. She thought that death had to be better than the life she was give, even if that meant she’d go to hell. She just wanted out, after 19 years of emotional and physical abuse and neglect Annabel just couldn’t deal with losing her Grandfather. Thanks to Marcy, Annabel was saved against her own wishes.

Life after her attempt never got any better and a huge part of her is still mad at Marcy for calling 9-1-1. It wasn’t until her attempt that suddenly everyone cared about her but she was used to being everyone’s favorite punching back that she kept everyone at an arms length and called them out for being fake. No one cared before, why would the care now? It wasn’t long before she was back to her old habits and the more people tried to intervene, the nastier and more malicious towards them she began. Now, at 21 years old, Annabel still hasn’t gotten to her life together, doesn’t have a job, and only has a few friends but at the very least she’s sober and no longer an escort… Or so she tells everyone.

PERSONALITY.

+ Loyal, Creative, Independent

- Narcissistic, Jealous, Malicious  

Annabel’s personality goes for 0 to 100 and nothing in between. You get 100% of her emotions all the time. While she can be the most conniving, backstabbing person in town there is a side to Annabel most people don’t get the chance to see out of fear of being abandoned again. She  can be the most down to earth, loyal friend you’ve ever had but if you do her wrong or upset her she can turn on you just as easily and make your life a living hell in the blink of an eye.

SECRET.

While Annabel leads a pretty secretive life, or tries too, there are some things she’s kept so hidden in the depths of her memory that even she has begun to forget that it happened. When she was at her absolute worse, Annabel was meeting with clients and not using protection. As a result she became pregnant with one of New Quinton’s city council members bastard child at just 19 years old. Naturally, to keep his mistress a secret and keep his perfect image he tried to convince the young girl to get an abortion. Between the fear of being a horrible parent to the child and the constant arguing about the abortion, Annabel was using more than ever during the first three months of her pregnancy which ultimately lead to her losing the baby. It hit the girl harder than anything else in her life and began a downward spiral. For a year and a half, Annabel was using almost four grams of heroin a day just to cope with her loss. Not being able to watch her best friend kill herself, Marcy helped Annabel get into rehab and finally get sober after 10 years of substance abuse. Of course this didn’t last long. When she got out she was approached by Francois and was immediately back to work and using to numb herself to get through it. Being in rehab, Annabel learned new ways to use that most people don’t notice and she’s been secretly using and escorting every day for the last 6 months.

[deztinywarriors]

ES Spectre 2.0 Chapter 44

[junker-town]

Our simulated video game basketball team attempts a historic comeback in the NCAA tournament

The Leathernecks enter the 2026 NCAA tournament as a No. 12 seed against Cal in our College Hoops 2K8 simulation.

Welcome back to our simulated dynasty with the Western Illinois Leathernecks in College Hoops 2K8. You can find a full explanation of this project + spoiler-free links to previous seasons here. For more context on the re-introduction of this series, check out our most recent post.

We pick up with our Leathernecks in the first round of the 2026 NCAA tournament in Year 19 of Coach Rick’s tenure at Western Illinois. Here’s a recap of everything that has happened so far this season:

Coming off three straight seasons that ended in the Elite Eight, the Leathernecks enter the new year with two returning starters and a team rated as a 97 overall.

We went 6-6 against a difficult non-conference schedule before dominating Summit League play. We went undefeated in conference and again claimed the Summit League tournament championship. We enter the NCAA tournament as a No. 12 seed at 26-6 on the season.

We recruited for three scholarships, but didn’t land any players in the early signing period.

Read the full Year 19 recap

Here’s a look at our roster heading into the NCAA tournament:

Our opponent in the first round of the NCAA tournament is No. 5 seed Cal. You can look at Cal’s roster here. The Bears enter the game as a 98 overall, while the Leathernecks are now rated as a 100 overall.

This is how the two teams matchup heading into the contest:

There’s no doubt that it’s been a trying season for our Leathernecks. While our roster looks loaded with four starters rated in the 90s entering the NCAA tournament, the pieces haven’t seemed to fit cleanly up to this point.

Senior point guard Angel Keita has been under fire, losing the trust of the fanbase ever since experiencing major turnover problems during the Sweet 16 and Elite Eight of last year’s NCAA tournament. A vocal section of the fanbase pushed for Keita to be benched completely after he shot only 35 percent from the field this year, but we instead decided to trim his minutes a bit and reallocate them to backup Tron Whaley. Keita is now at 26 minutes per game while Whaley is scheduled to play 17 minutes.

The bigger problem may be our lack of a go-to scorer on the perimeter. While Vernard Fulton shocked the world by returning for his senior season despite being projected as a lottery pick, he’s always been more of an elite glue guy than a takeover scorer. A natural power forward, Fulton moved to the wing this year to accomodate the burgeoning talent of sophomore big man Allan Cunningham.

The front court is where we’re really strong. Timon Suotamo — better known as ‘Chewy’ — finished second in the country in scoring at 25 points per game. Cunningham has lived up to the hype. The question is whether our bigs can carry us to another deep tournament run without consistent production from our guards and wings. The first round matchup with Cal offers a fascinating test.

The Bears finished second in the Pac-10 and No. 2 in America in offensive efficiency. Their senior center Homer Maki-Tulokas led the country in scoring during the regular season. Cal wants to play inside-out, setting up a titanic battle in the middle between two star centers.

We streamed this game on Twitch on Sunday night. As always, I’m not controlling Western Illinois; we’re watching a simulated game played by the computer. I’m not playing any of the games in this series, I only do the recruiting and set the coaching strategies. The game will start when you press play on the video.

Our Leathernecks have reached the second weekend of the NCAA tournament four years in a row. Can we start another run? Let’s go!

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Loss, 90-87. The comeback attempt falls just short and our season is over.

We had a chance to send the game to overtime at the buzzer with a deep three-pointer and .... I really thought it went in. I screamed like it did. Fulton’s heave was just off. We were so close to tying the game as time expired:

The fact that the game even came down to the final shot is pretty remarkable because this sure looked like it was going to be a blowout loss at halftime.

Cal took a 16-point into the break after closing the first half on a 10-0 run. We were down as many as 18 points. Suotamo was having an uncharacteristically quite game in his marquee matchup with Maki-Tulokas, Keita and starting shooting guard Wilky Henry were ice cold, and the bench wasn’t giving us the lift we expect.

But little by little, we started to chip away at the lead. We went to an all-out full-court press defense midway through the second half, which was enough to get us a few steals that turned into some cheap points.

The last minute of this game was wild. I thought we were toast when Cal hit a layup to put them up five points with about 30 seconds left, but we quickly responded with a three-ball from Fulton. We started to intentionally foul, but the Bears were money from the free throw line. Just when it looked like all hope was gone, Keita was fouled on a three-point shot with six seconds left and drained all three shots to put us down one. That led to Fulton’s final heave, which fell just short.

Two big problems for us in this game:

Our rim protection was horrible. Suotamo is supposed to be a good shot blocker, but Cal was consistently beating us to the basket after getting us to bite on pump fakes around the arc.

Kieta played 36 minutes even though I explicitly trimmed his minutes before tip-off. I wish the game would have followed those orders.

There are still some bright spots for next year. Cunningham (24 points, nine rebounds) was our consistent scorer and showed his three-point range is no fluke. I can’t wait to watch him go to work as a junior next year. I’m also excited for Henry’s senior year despite an off-night against Cal. He’ll be moving back to his natural position of small forward and hopefully can take a big leap in production.

We can’t make a deep tournament run every year, I guess. We’ll be back.

Bracket contest update

Cal got all the way to the Elite Eight before falling to Xavier. I knew we lost to a quality team.

The Final Four was Michigan over Gonzaga and Xavier over Duke. Michigan beat Xavier to win the national championship. That means our bracket contest winner is Isaac Springer, who correctly picked the Wolverines to win it all. You can find the full leaderboard on our app, which works on desktop and mobile. Here is the final leaderboard:

We had more than 120 entries in the bracket contest once again. Thanks to everyone who participated. Special thanks to Sean Vinsel for building the app and running the contest. Follow Sean on Twitter @HoopsInsight and check out his work writing about the real versions of Louisville and Kentucky basketball.

We’ll do it again next season.

Offseason

I played through the offseason live on Twitch after we were eliminated. You can watch it here, if you’re into that sort of thing.

Michigan wins the national championship. The Big Ten title drought is over!

Timon Suotamo wins Summit League Player of the Year. He just put together one of the most dominant regular seasons in program history. Not bad for the first JUCO center recruit we’ve ever had.

Suotamo (projected first rounder) and Fulton (projected lottery pick) each get drafted. Angel Keita does not get drafted. Keita will go down as perhaps the most loathed player we’ve ever had.

Coach Rick’s overall record now stands at 501-120.

We earn one coaching point for our 500th win and put it in discipline. That raises our discipline grade to a C.

I get offered the Duke job. Also the Texas Tech job, the Arizona State job, and the Auburn job. I turn them all down.

We lost an assistant and replaced them with Bron Randle, who was on staff for us a few years ago. He has an A- rating in teaching, and no coaching grade below a C+.

Recruiting

We have three scholarships to recruit for after landing no one during the early signing period. We want one guard, one wing, and one big, and have had offers out since missing on our early targets.

Our top priority is 6’9 small forward Jitim Dupre out of Chicago. After Michigan State drops out during the first week of the spring signing period, Dupre gives Western Illinois his commitment.

Dupre is ranked No. 91 overall and No. 19 at his position. We love his size on the wing and are optimistic about his shooting ability.

Our next target is point guard Koko Reeves out of San Antonio. Reeves is ranked No. 52 overall and No. 27 at his position. He commits to the Leathernecks shortly after Dupre:

Reeves is tiny at 5’10, but he looks like an elite three-point shooter, which we can really use. We’ve had good luck with players from San Antonio before, so let’s keep that trend going.

One scholarship still available. It’s been offered out to center Artie Snipes out of Riverside, CA for most of the season. He finally accepts it just before the end of the signing period:

Overall, I think it’s a solid class. Part of me is wondering if I should have went after a two-guard instead of Reeves as potential insurance in case last year’s top recruit, Mathew Alloway, turns pro early, but that’s okay. We should have three five-year players in this group who provide a nice complement to our stellar recruiting class from last year.

Now it’s time to set our schedule for next season. This is what we went with:

@ Illinois, @ Georgetown, @ Louisville, @ Cal, @ Stanford, @ Michigan, @ Duke, vs. Dayton, @ Vanderbilt

Did I instantly regret making that schedule so difficult? Yes, pretty much. Something to keep in mind moving forward.

Year 20

Here’s a first look at our roster:

It’s always tough when you have three new starters, but I like the look of next year’s team at first glance. We really need Henry to breakout into a superstar on the wing during his senior year. Cunningham should be primed for a monster year, too. I’m excited to see what Tron can do at point guard, and as of right now I’m leaning towards starting Alloway as a freshman at shooting guard while bringing Ager off the bench as our sixth man.

We also only have one scholarship to recruit for. I’m going to target a five-star JUCO shooting guard to fit the timeline with the recruiting class we just added.

We’re going to stream the regular season of Year 20 at Western Illinois on Wednesday, August 12 at 8:30 p.m. ET. Here’s how you can watch:

Western Illinois, Year 20, 2026-2027 regular season stream

Game: Western Illinois Year 20 regular season stream. We’ll watch one regular season game, recruit, and sim to the NCAA tournament.

How to watch: My Twitch channel

Date: Thursday, August 12

Tip-off time: 8:30 p.m. ET // 7:30 p.m. CT.

I’ll see you there. Go ‘Necks.

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[go-redgirl]

Exclusive — Republicans Mull Ethics Charges Against Schiff Ally as Democrats Turn Back to Failed Russia Strategy

House GOP leaders are considering pursuing ethics charges against Democrat Rep. Sean Patrick Maloney (D-NY) for alleged misconduct he engaged in against Rep. Devin Nunes (R-CA) at an Intelligence Committee meeting on Wednesday morning.

“He was very rude,” Rep. Rick Crawford (R-AR) told Breitbart News on Wednesday evening of Maloney’s behavior towards Nunes and others during the committee meeting earlier in the day. “Members don’t question other members in hearings. This wasn’t on the agenda for the meeting. It was really inappropriate in my opinion, and pretty childish.”

Others familiar with the incident told Breitbart News that when a transcript of the incident—with the exact words of Maloney’s accusations and questions of Nunes during the meeting—becomes available, House GOP leadership lawyers familiar with parliamentary rules will consider bringing formal ethics charges against Maloney for his alleged misconduct toward Nunes during the meeting.

The standing rules of the House of Representatives make it such that one member cannot accuse another member of lying, and also cannot hurl insults at them. Depending on the exact wording of what Maloney said, when the transcript becomes available in the coming days, GOP lawyers may seek formal action against him by the House Ethics Committee.

The background of what led up to the Maloney incident is as follows: House Permanent Select Committee on Intelligence (HPSCI) chairman Rep. Adam Schiff (D-CA) is gearing up yet again to try to level more baseless accusations against allies of President Donald Trump, this time over packages that were sent to a number of Trump allies inside and outside of Congress during the lead-up to the House impeachment of Trump last year.

What’s more, the Democrats appear to have leaked classified information to Politico in order to weaponize the narrative to the media and are now engaged in over-the-top tactics that may be in violation of House ethics rules to boot.

In reality, however, the broader picture here—Nunes told Breitbart News–is that Schiff is doing the Russians’ bidding.

“They’re clearly conducting election interference right now, either wittingly or unwittingly on behalf of Vladimir Putin,” Nunes said in an interview on Wednesday evening. “Putin doesn’t have to do anything. He doesn’t have to run one real op. But they just run around ‘Russia, Russia, Russia’ all the time. Well, they’re the ones doing it. They’re the ones who went to Russia to get information. Not Republicans. Republicans never went to Russia to get anything. Democrats did. Four years of disinformation, and they’ve been proven wrong all the time, and they’ve turned the committee into a dungeon of conspiracy theories. They don’t even do real work on Intel.”

Last week, Politico reported leaked details—including citing what it said was classified information, which is illegal to leak—about supposed packets of information sent to congressional allies of Trump last year to hurt presumptive Democrat nominee former Vice President Joe Biden.

“Top congressional Democrats are sounding the alarm about a series of packets mailed to prominent allies of President Donald Trump — material they say is part of a foreign disinformation plot to damage former vice president Joe Biden, according to new details from a letter the lawmakers delivered to the FBI last week,” Politico’s Natasha Bertrand, Kyle Cheney, and Andrew Desiderio wrote.

In the second paragraph of the article, the Politico scribes revealed what they said was classified information. Politico wrote:

The packets, described to Politico by two people who have seen the classified portion of the Democrats’ letter, were sent late last year to Rep. Devin Nunes (R-Calif.), Sens. Lindsey Graham (R-S.C.) and Chuck Grassley (R-Iowa), and then-White House chief of staff Mick Mulvaney. The packets were sent amid a Democratic push to impeach Trump over his effort to pressure Ukraine’s president to investigate Biden and his son Hunter the sources said. Graham and Grassley denied having received the material, and Mulvaney and Nunes declined repeated requests for comment. One person familiar with the matter said the information was not turned over to the FBI. The FBI declined to comment.

Members of Congress, especially those on the Intelligence Committee, are regularly sent stuff from overseas powers. There exist a number of protocols, whereby staffers send such materials to the proper authorities for vetting.

“If you’re a Republican and you get on the Intelligence Committee, anything you get from a foreign country, it gets sent off to the proper authorities, and likely you would never even touch it or see it because the people who get the mail do that for us,” one member told Breitbart News. “That’s at the committee and your personal office and your district offices, and for sure your home.”

So while the latest attacks from Schiff seem like an interesting narrative or storyline from the establishment media, it is in reality fairly meaningless and mundane.

But all of a sudden Schiff called a committee meeting behind closed doors on Wednesday morning. There, a party-line vote was held to reveal certain pieces of the information about these packages to the whole Congress. But then things got ugly when Maloney began verbally accosting Nunes—the GOP ranking member—and hurling insults at him and at Republicans in general.

While Maloney’s office has not replied to a request for comment telling his side of the story, Republicans like Crawford were quick to come out and point out how out of line they think the top Democrat ally of Schiff was behaving during this exchange.

“He just kind of kept on the issue of these alleged items being sent to the committee,” Crawford told Breitbart News. “So obviously Devin Nunes didn’t comment on that. Here’s the thing: it’s standard practice that if you get a package from unknown source in a foreign country, it’s probably a good idea to call the FBI and let them handle it and not handle those packages and don’t open them and go, ‘Hey I wonder what this is? I guess it’s Christmas came early this year.’ No, you follow the protocol, which is you turn that over to the FBI. That’s what happened.”

Crawford added that Maloney seemed to be, at Schiff’s direction, trying to “goad” Nunes and Republicans into some kind of response that would then be weaponized and leaked. “It was mostly trying to goad … particularly Ranking Member Nunes, but also our side writ large, trying to goad us into making a comment,” Crawford said. “The thing is you don’t want to engage. It’s like trolls on social media. They want the attention and so you don’t want to give it to them.”

Then, if they said something, Schiff’s team would turn around and leak it to the press before it came out when the transcript of the meeting would eventually be made public.

“That’s the whole point, and that’s what this committee has devolved into under Schiff’s leadership—or lack of leadership would be the better term,” Crawford said. “It’s purely turned into an oppo research arm for the DCCC and more. This is an important committee, and it has a long history of acting in a bipartisan way, but Schiff has broken that.”

Crawford added that Schiff and his allies like Maloney behaving like this on the committee means that HPSCI, which is supposed to focus on intelligence threats to the United States, is now a laughingstock shell of its former glory.

“We’ve got a lot of threats, a very diverse threat matrix that exists around the world, and what have we been able to do in this committee under his leadership?” Crawford said. “Virtually nothing, and that’s because he’s been so focused on political advances and trying to position himself and take down Trump that they haven’t done anything even remotely related to intelligence and everything we’re charged with in that committee. It’s a mockery, it’s a complete travesty, and this is why the American people need to know this is how bad his tenure has been – would continue to be – if he were allowed to continue in that position.”

The Federalist’s Sean Davis on Wednesday published a deep dive debunking this latest scandal. His piece goes into depth about it all. But asked in a brief interview on Wednesday evening about the whole thing, Nunes told Breitbart News this is just the latest example of Schiff and his allies cooking up more nonsense within 100 days of the election.

“They never stop,” Nunes said. “The Democrats never stop with conspiracy theories and politicization of intelligence. They just read through intelligence reports to decide what they can leak to tie something back to Russia. The irony of this is they’re the ones who colluded with Russians. It wasn’t us. In 2016, they’re the ones who did it. You can’t even make this up. It’s so wacko. They just continue to push conspiracy theories that are nothing more, nothing less than that. How many times do they have to get busted on this? We have receipts of them doing it. We have court documents of them doing it. We have plenty of declassified information now from Horowitz and everywhere else that they were the ones doing this. They won’t give up trying to cover up what they were doing in 2016—and they’re doing it right now.”

Nunes added he believes the Democrat playbook will fail again, just like it did in 2016.

“They’re doing the same thing again,” Nunes said. “They’re running the same playbook as they did in 2016 over again. It’s pretty obvious. But we’re onto them this time. But all we can do is talk to people like you and say, ‘Hey just go back and look at the last four years. They were the ones colluding with Russia, not us.’”