#he & emet are so similar on this. desperate to find means to bring back lost loved ones... hilde faced with an extreme version of it...
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thinking back on when i finished shb & it took me like a whole week to be able to put into words how i felt abt emet & i wasnt able to think about literally anything else in that time. man. this shit is crazy. & then i wrote a long ass fucking essay on hildegarde's feelings throughout the expansion. man. ohhhh man. i need to replay it lest i become ungovernable
#ffposting#nothing ahs ever made me feel this way before. absolutely lifechanging. i belong there. i thistle hildegarderoquefort catboycentral--#the white mage who views himself as a monster when hit expansion shb hits: haha wow. um. lol! the. th#& he doesnt evenhave any lachesis memories until he gets the azem crystal either. genuinely think the lachesis memories help him#like emntally. emotionally. etc.#but it was so. SO! & with hilde still working on the necromancy thing as he enters shb... abandoning it halfway. ugh.#he & emet are so similar on this. desperate to find means to bring back lost loved ones... hilde faced with an extreme version of it...#& its a guy he has feelings he cant quite place about. who makes him feel so much though. so much that it overwhelms him.#& when he dies. hg. i dont know its. so hard to thikn about. hilde did not smile & nod. he fucking did not.#he reached out a trembling half sin eater hand tears in his eyes & watched in horror as emet faded away. Yeah bitch. no smiling#the guilt he felt. the guilt he probably still feels about it. a lot more passive now but its still there. & the grief. fuck me man!
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We arrive at Forum Solius. I am uncertain how much ceruleum we're going to find in a park, but may as well give it a look.
Jullus is having a hard time. He used to take his little siblings here to play in the heated pond. The way he speaks about his family, I suspect they may be deceased.
Alphinaud realizes that if the pond was heated it must have had a power source, and in Garlemald that likely means Ceruleum! Unfortunately, while Jullus remembers workers using a hatch beneath the water, the pond is now frigid and filthy.
Fortunately, Jullus is okay with us using magic, so we can warm ourselves back up after our little expedition.
Jullus thinks we might be a bit crazy.
...I have an idea.
Awe, come on Alisaie, you know I was joking.
I find the tank, but at what cost?!
Jullus tells us about his life growing up in Garlemald. It was defined by a sense of security, safety, and love. It's clear he's deeply mourning everything he's lost, and is only barely holding it together with the desperate hope that their allies will arrive and help them bring some semblance of normalcy back.
I see you quest name. I know you finish that phrase with "Goes Unpunished." I dread what you will bring me.
While scavenging wrecked warmachina for more ceruleum (we find some! Yay!) I encounter the disembodied voice of Thancred. He informs me that a few scouts had subtly followed us to outside the station, and that there was both new news and a plan, and for the time being to go along with what the Garleans tell us to do. I, in turn, inform him of everything that has transpired.
Back at Tertium, Quintus orders that our scavenged ceruleum be used to refuel the armor as opposed to heating the base, much to Jullus and his fellow soldier's dismay. (And mine. Goddamn, you warmongering idiot) We are ordered to wait while this is done.
When Jullus returns he is visibly distressed. He has some new orders for us.
When Alisaie moves to fight back - and Jullus is, albeit reluctantly, about to activate the collars - I remember Thancred's words to me, and advise them to cooperate.
I am to accompany Jullus back to Camp Broken Glass where we will have this... "negotiation."
On our way back, we pass in front of a burnt-out building that used to be Jullus' home. His family were tempered, and when he retuned home to aid them they attacked, and he was forced to fight them off. It's a horrible tragedy. A single example of what I am sure every Garlean yet alive and free here has a version of.
Your country is not your people. And yet. I am reminded of Emet-Selch, the ancients, and Amaurot. That the same struggle would be reflected as the empire he built to fail dies... I wonder what he would think of this? Probably be offended I'd thought to compare his people's plight to that of those he considered malformed shards of proper beings. I cannot think he would be distressed to see how Garlemald is ending, even if I know he'd abhor the purpose its end is being put to. The Final Days, of all things.
My god? No, She would not have saved you. For Her own reasons, She can't or won't save the lives of even Her own champions. Do not turn to my god: you will find no sanctuary here.
Alisaie and Alphinaud are slowly freezing to death in a storeroom somewhere. They are getting philosophical, and it seems I wasn't the only one to notice the similarities between Quintus' rhetoric and Varis' speech at Ghimlyt.
Yes. Yes. That is it.
The twins are discussing how similar the rhetoric spewed by both the Imperial fascists and the Sharlayan conservatives is. And in so many words, how both groups came to think that way, and how they disagree with it.
Aha! Estinien to the rescue!
With Alphinaud and Alisaie secured, my friends are safe to reject the Ist legion's terms, and proffer their own. We have information that we believe will be of interest to Quintus, and we want to deliver it in person.
Perhaps "safe" was the wrong word: Quintus' backup orders were to attack us outright.
But oh! The news that Lucia has to share is that the dearly awaited reinforcements, the Xth legion among them, have arrived in Ala Mhigo to plea for aid. Their conscripts have deserted entirely and their communication lines have broken down. What remains is in dire straits indeed, and have turned to the Grand Company of Eorzea for help. To prove our words true, we have been provided a passcode to give to Quintus, which we do.
Quintus agrees to honor the Xth's decision, and proceeds to release his men from their duty.
Alone now, he speaks to the late Emperor Varis.
Then he draws his gun.
...I think I will leave this post off here.
#ffxiv liveblog#rhesh'a tag#jullus pyr norbanus#alphinaud leveilleur#alisaie leveilleur#lucia junius#estinien varlineau
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Chapter 11 - Tense Negotiations
Emet-Selch awoke with a start, sweat on his brow, his golden eyes flashing open--and quickly recognized the room in the Pendants, felt the cooling pulse of his blood.
'Just a dream, then,' he thought to himself...perhaps it was silly to be relieved, but he felt so nonetheless. A quick glance downward confirmed for the Paragon that Shoto was still asleep in his arms...he let himself breathe out a soft sigh, his formerly racing heart returning to a normal and steady rhythm. He was glad, too, that his nightmare hadn't woken her, he found.
'...For convenience's sake, of course. She'd fuss if I woke her with a nightmare, and I'd grumble, and I'd be right to. Such things are beneath me.'
...The moment he thought it, he recognized that line of thought as complete rationalization. Convenience's sake, his foot. If anyone else had said something like that to him, he'd have laughed in their face, told them straightforwardly that they were deep in denial. The only grain of truth there was that he did resent the nightmare, because it was beneath him.
But he was glad he hadn't woken her because of the peaceful smile on her face, and the soft warmth of her body against his (her temperature had leveled out! It was nearly back to normal), and the desire to protect those things, to protect her , which was worming its way into his long-empty heart like a particularly pernicious flowering vine.
...He wanted to ask why. Shoto wasn't...
Hythlodaeus saw the color. So do you, his traitor mind whispered to him.
That didn't mean anything! Colors could be very similar, especially when one dealt with souls!
You started talking to her about the Bond of Eternity what, five minutes after your reunion?
It had been closer to three bells! And she'd asked! What was the harm in answering mortal questions?
You tell me, brilliant Angel of Truth.
Hades closed his eyes and growled wordlessly at himself to be silent--
WHAM! WHAM! WHAM!!
The Ascian blinked in surprise.
'I didn't say anything! Or--'
The door made another helpful repetition of the sound of impact, accentuated by the sound of splintering and the glint of a blade piercing through the door. Ah. So this wasn't an errant accident of sorcery, or some problem presented by his newly sundered, newly limited form. No, this was because the door was under attack.
Now Shoto was stirring, although this was fairly natural given the circumstances. He gave the door a positively venomous glare as he began to extricate himself from the sleeping embrace he'd ended up in with her...
'Very well then, my old friend. You promised I could still make nations tremble,' he thought in Elidibus' general direction, a cruel smirk creasing his lips. 'Let's see how true that is.'
* * * Ice had tried the doorknob exactly once. It was locked and not willing to budge, which only contributed to his state of fury. After that, he decided not to bother with the door. He'd apologize to Shoto later. He'd even craft her a new door, a better door. This one had to go.
He slammed his axe into the door's latch mechanism, bringing it down like the knob and the lock were a gremlin in desperate need of smiting. The lock shuddered at the first several strikes, and then gave way completely--but the latch was still stuck. Snarling, Ice grit his teeth and violently slammed his foot into the door; the door creaked in protest, and he heard wood snapping.
With one more mighty blow of his axe, the door was shattered in two pieces, and Ice leapt into the room, his voice a roar. "EMET-SELCH!!! FACE ME, YOU COWARD!!!"
The object of his challenge... looked up from the bed, where he was bent like a vampire over Shoto's slowly stirring form. Like he'd...!!
Ice's anger hit a new fever pitch, one he hadn't known existed. Nothing could hold him back now. "Holmgang! " he invoked, the command word seething with magical power--golden chains, lined with an aura of fire, wrapped around Emet-Selch's arms, binding the Ascian in place, keeping him away from Ice's friend, though he was still far too close...
Ice could split the difference. He invoked the rite of Nascent Flash, his aether surging through the earth to flash a bright green, vaguely dome-like envelope of energy over Shoto's form momentarily. That'd protect her; now he could focus on Emet-Selch...!! His axe sparking along the floor, he charged.
Hades' eyes narrowed and flared with energy as his own aether surged with power; his dark lips moved, impossible words spilling from his lips, the ancient incantation finding form as tendrils of shadow that blasted outwards in a cone, slamming into the axe and stopping its mighty swing cold, several fulms from the Ascian's body. He cracked his neck and the golden chains snapped.
"I might've known it'd be you, little Warrior," the Paragon drawled, his voice dripping with contempt. "Careless, hotheaded, eager to please your accursed Mother. Tch. Perhaps you might try cooling your heels? Using your words?"
"SHUT UP!" Ice snarled. "I'll kill you all over again for what you've done to her...for how you used him...!!" He brought back the axe and an aura of aetheric power flared around his blade as he struck from another angle; the Ascian snapped his fingers, and sparks flew from the impact point as it met a barrier of violet shadows.
"Or, I suppose, you could spout nonsense at me, and we could be reduced to barbarism," Emet-Selch sighed, rolling his eyes. "I've done nothing to anyone, fool."
"LIAR!!!"
The aether around the axe-blade flared to a brilliant blue zenith, seared like a white-hot flame as it released in a single, violent cleaving motion that tore through the barrier of shadow; the swing had lost its momentum, though, and only nicked Emet-Selch's cheek, bringing a bright red line of blood from the Ascian's skin, dripping down his face.
The teeth of the Paragon ground together.
"...But if you are going to insist on being a violent cur," he hissed, "I'll gladly discipline you."
Shadows swam around the Ascian, and for a moment his form seemed massive, inhuman, horrifying--then they solidified around his right arm, burning black and red, forming the mighty claw of his Elder Form. With an effortless swipe, he slashed across Ice's chest, shearing through the thick leather, and sending the Warrior flying into the wall with an enormous crash. Bowls and plates left on a nearby table tumbled to the ground.
Ice's vision swam, and he coughed. His ears were ringing--he heard someone calling his name. Had to get up.
Shoto's awakening, if it could be called that, was both rude and violent, but it was also slow. She recognized the sounds of a fight before she was fully awake--it made her ears back and her hair stand on end. As her eyes opened, blinked through the cobwebs of sleep, she was already trying to scramble out of bed, fighting the covers...her mind spun as she tried to orient herself, figure out where she was and what was happening more fully.
It was the exchange of words between Emet-Selch and Ice that jogged her groggy memory--she'd overdone it, collapsed, fallen asleep against the Ascian; her face flushed at the realization, but adrenaline overpowered embarrassment or her emotional turmoil. She had no idea how Ice had gotten in here, but that wasn't important right now; scrambling to leave the bed, she made it instead to the floor, on one knee; raising her hands, she looked between Ice and the Ascian to try and calm the situation down.
"H-Hold! Both of you--Ice! Please, just listen--"
"Run, Shoto. Get away from this monster... I'll keep him occupied!"
The Warrior was too dazed and far too angry to turn his attention away from Emet-Selch; being thrown into the wall and the table had only solidified and redoubled his fury. He shook his head to clear it, then used his axe to stand up once more; his expression hardened with resolve. Emet-Selch had proven himself just as dangerous as he ever was, and Ice meant to answer him in kind.
"That's not..." Shoto began, but Ice charged forwards once again; a red, aetheric aura swirling around him as his eyes flickered red; he brought down his greataxe in a wide curve, merciless, towards Hades.
The Ascian sneered and snapped his fingers. A shield of dark violet energies, seething and hissing, met the greataxe's blade like a wall. Emet-Selch wasn't done; whipping up his other hand, he gestured sharply with two fingers, his dark-tinted aether surging around him as ornate circles of Amaurotine glyphs formed in mid-air...
Bolts of dark violet, almost crystallized energy were loosed from each circle like missiles, flying at Ice; they struck with explosive force when they hit, driving the Warrior back once more and turning the already damaged table and chairs into confetti. Shoto's ears were ringing, and her vision swam.
It was into this melee that Angel was thrust when he arrived, breathless and shaking; his husband's charge and the destruction of Shoto's door had drawn the attention of half the Pendants, and Angel had been forced to push past several valid, groggy inquiries from their neighbors. But like Ice, Angel's focus was razor-sharp; the White Mage had broken into a sprint when he saw the destroyed door, and he nearly tumbled over the threshold...his eyes snapped to his husband before he even registered Shoto or spoke a word. Before he could, however, Emet-Selch snapped his hand across in a savage chop, and a wall of shadowy projectiles seemed to form, thrumming in mid-air.
"Angel...No! GET DOWN!!" Ice shouted; leaping between Angel and the incoming bolts, he concentrated his aether into a sphere of crimson energy, golden thorns seeming to encircle him and crackle off his form as Hades' shadowy energy blasts slammed home. They hurt, especially now that he was taking the full force of the assault, but far less than they might have; he could simply shake this damage off.
"Ice...! I-I've, I've got you!" Angel managed; with a gesture, his cane was in his hand, and magical words of healing left his lips, the soft blue light of his White Magic seeming to gently wash away Ice's wounds. The Warrior cracked his neck and gave a confident smirk to their opponent, whose eyes only narrowed in scorn.
Shoto coughed from the floor and struggled her way to a standing position, trying to wave away dust. She opened her mouth to demand they lis--
The glowing form of an Emerald Carbuncle soared through the room towards the Ascian's face, its tiny claws swiping across his cheek before the Paragon could counter, leaving him to stumble back and send a blind lash of shadowy power in its general direction. The nimble familiar dodged, weaved, and leapt back to the side of Yuki, the Summoner already unfurling her grimoire as she stepped through the ruined doorway; her violet-haired Dragoon compatriot rushed in after her, calling his spear out of the aether as his armor clicked into proper place.
"Not every day a nemesis comes back from the dead," the Viera quipped under her breath to Sumire, before her attentions were consumed with calling ruinous energies into her fingertips, her hand weaving arcanima patterns; a massive burst of the energies screamed towards Emet-Selch, who barely managed to stop it with a swipe of his left hand. His glare had shifted from scornful to murderous....
And as they watched, his lips curled into a cruel grin.
"Fine. All of you, then," the Ascian purred.
He raised his right hand and languidly circled his wrist three times, cracking his neck. And then he snapped his fingers, sharply.
Panels of dark crystal, perfectly cut into squares, formed at his command, like doors in reality. A moonlight glow built in them all as they arranged themselves into a lethal array. Shoto's eyes went wide and she built her voice to scream, this was too much, they had to stop, everyone had to--
The array fired, beams of shadow screaming towards the assembled Warriors of Light and Darkness, save Shoto, and would've torn through armor and flesh had it not been for a brilliant sky-blue barrier of burning energy, a sanctuary amidst the storm, emanating from Angel's aether and the shining, beacon-like zenith of his cane, his White Magic redoubling to keep his companions safe from harm, though it only kept safe about a fulm's length all around them.
The bench to Angel's left hadn't been so lucky, the beams having carved it neatly into two pieces. Nor had Shoto's armoire--the same dresser that Shoto had fetched her sheets from and Emet-Selch's current attire was now full of smoldering holes. Nothing in the entryway was in decent shape by any stretch of the imagination, and the fight didn't seem to show many signs of letting up; indeed, Hades, his amber eyes glowing and a soft, almost soundless chuckle coming from his lips, had raised his fingers and snapped again.
Another array of arcane projectiles, forged from those same ornate gates of shadow in the air, beckoned to his call. Despite the sounds of armored boots in the hallway, and shouts of "Wicked White!" and "in the name of the Exarch!", Hades didn't stop--even as Crystarium guards piled into the room, he let the arcane arrows fly, leaving terrible wakes of violet destruction as they screamed down.
Angel squeaked and winced visibly in terror, but though his fear was evident, his willingness to stand fast and the magical asylum he was providing with his shield of light only redoubled, the field widening; he knew the only real course of action was to make sure the shield encompassed everyone and stayed solid, and though it meant he couldn't move, though he was staring death in the face, he didn't falter. Ice swung his axe to deflect an incoming bolt, and Sumire leapt into action, three of the projectiles ricocheting off his spinning spear as he moved acrobatically. Even the little carbuncle contributed, leaping up to deflect one of the arcane projectiles with a shield of its own, so that once more the primary casualty was Shoto's apartment, as the damaged armoire was now turned into a mess of wood splinters and cloth, and a ricochet nearly took off the headboard of the bed.
But what triumph they had was short-lived. Hades' fingers snapped again, and another volley cracked Angel's shield; the energies wavered. The White Mage's concentration held it in place, but he was clearly struggling; there was no way the barrier would survive another round of attacks. Ice bit his lip as he looked over his shoulder at his husband, then his gaze flicked back to Emet-Selch--there was no opening to attack the Ascian just yet, a fact he could tell Sumire was grimly aware of too. Yuki was tracing arcanima patterns to call a large burst of ruinous power from her hands, but the Ascian had noticed this well enough, and looked to be calling his shadowy aetheric shield back into form...
Shoto's voice, after the cavalcade of interruptions, finally rang out through the conflict. "STOP THIS!" she cried out, standing up shakily and on unsteady legs, her eyes pleading with Emet-Selch, begging him to listen. Surprisingly, the Paragon's attention turned to her, wavered--
In a misjudgment worthy of the Azure Dragoon himself, Sumire took the brief opening, leaping and diving for the Ascian's position; indeed, he'd been so quick to leap, that the Scholar hadn't had time to register that he'd even moved.
But his weapon didn't strike true. Hades swung up his hand and focused the shield of darkness around the driving lance-point, his eyes filled with cold aggravation as they locked with Sumire; the hapless Dragoon tried to drive his weapon through the Ascian's dark shield, to no avail. The Paragon's other arm shot up as he directed dark tendrils from the ground, and the Dragoon tried to propel himself back, but only ended up taking the shadow-tendril square to the chest. Yuki growled loudly at the sight, then quickly fired her gathered blast of energy as her carbuncle jumped forwards and spun to slash the Ascian. The blast was swatted aside by the tendrils, into the privacy screen by the door, which was now more a series of privacy splinters, while the carbuncle herself was knocked into Angel's barrier with a surprised squeak.
Angel's barrier shattered on impact, and the carbuncle hit him in the chest. He fell back onto the broken bench, which couldn't catch him properly. The White Mage landed on his knees with the carbuncle in front of him.
"Angel!?" Ice turned, forgetting the Ascian for a moment, to check on his husband. Angel was out of breath as he knelt on the ground. Ice lowered his axe, put a hand on the White Mage's shoulder, and felt him shaking a bit from having maintained that barrier longer than he should have. "Are you alright...?!"
Angel's ears pinned back against his head with his eyes shut. He shook his head in response, "No... No more... stop." His voice was barely a whisper.
The guards were trying not to panic; one of them fired a crossbow bolt at Emet-Selch, which was cast aside by another tendril of shadow as the Angel of Truth closed his eyes in grim concentration, calling his dark arrows to him again. Sumire was standing up, painfully, Yuki's carbuncle covering him as the Summoner ran forwards and tugged Shoto back, trying to get her away from the zone of destruction that was rapidly enveloping the entire room.
Anubis growled in Angel's head, begging the White Mage to let him try and settle this.
《 Angel! Please! I know I might not win... but you know I can give enough time to turn the tide in our favor! 》
"S-Stop... please," Angel begged quietly, as he clenched his eyes tighter.
At the same time, Shoto spoke the same words; desperate and loud. Ice stood and turned towards the Ascian, snarling; and once more, the Ascian snapped his fingers, volleys of destruction shearing down. The Warrior deflected a few more arrows that had been aimed towards the guards beside him; which completely disintegrated the bench nearby them and the couch behind them.
The White Mage's ears flicked at a soft ringing within them; a sound he'd long-since associated with Anubis... along with the itchy feeling around his neck. He didn't want to set the room ablaze, nor try to freeze someone into a block of ice. Those desires and impulses weren't his, they couldn't be...
Anubis growled louder in frustration, then snapped sharply and loudly in Angel's head.
《 Let me fight this battle for you! 》
Angel took a sharp breath in at those words, and it caught in his throat; his eyes suddenly flew open. Another arcane spear clipped his cheek as it suddenly flew past him; he should have dodged in fear, but he knelt there frozen and wide-eyed.
Words instantly came to mind, the name 'Asopus' was whispered into his ears. Another word bubbled up... A name he felt he hadn't said in a long time, yet did not recall naming any of his strays such...
《 Angel! Answer me!! 》
"A..."
The White Mage hesitated, but his husband flew past him once more, back towards the wall, slapped by one of the shadowy tendrils Emet-Selch was wielding, as the Paragon simply focused his shield of darkness against the full-strength cleave that Ice had brought down. The Warrior angrily got right back up, but he paused as he looked over to Angel.
One word was cried out, echoing over the fighting in a scared and desperate voice.
"Ambrosia!!"
In the midst of calling his mirrors forth again, Emet-Selch paused, blinking, distracted for the second time this fight. His thoughts of vengeance, the high of reveling in his own power, were cut off...that name. He knew that name. How...?
A quick, chimed bell echoed; it was similar in sound to a carbuncle or a faerie when they were summoned, but... the tone was more unique. In front of Angel landed the glowing, orange cat that Ice had recognized last night as Tora. Sumire and Yuki had stopped short as well, since it looked like the phantom cat that had led them to Angel last night. Shoto's own voice was stopped as she noticed the glowing, orange cat in front of Angel... who had confessed to strange creatures appearing around him.
Sharp bells followed the creature's swift leaps; the first was from in front of the visibly stunned Angel, directly at Ice.
The Warrior had every intention to return to the fight, but the ghost cat tackled him in the chest and knocked him back onto his ass; he landed on the remnants of the couch. He reached up to rub at his chest; that had felt pretty solid to be a "ghost"...
The creature's next two leaps were from Ice to the floor, then tackled the Ascian right in the upper chest. It had tried to hit his throat, judging by its angle. Emet-Selch had been distracted enough to take the full, rolling tackle, and bounced onto the damaged bed; which broke it completely. Between Ice and Emet-Selch, the cat seemed to gain two new tails. Its final leap was to keep one of the younger guards from taking advantage of the Ascian's stun and attacking him with a sword strike; and it seemed to gain some fluff upon impact.
The creature then landed between the others and a silent, stunned Angel; a lean, fluffy, orange creature with three tails and tiny paws. On its head was a golden triangle that faded into the orange by the time it hit the back. The creature's eyes were glowing a bright gold. It twitched rhythmically, echoing a carbuncle... but it was not one itself. Soft, soothing bells rang gently as it looked to Angel and moved its mouth, who seemed to hear something.
Tears fell, unbidden, from the Miqo'te's emerald eyes; he still knelt there stunned, and wide-eyed. After a moment's pause, Angel nodded once; the creature bounded over to him, then leapt as if to tackle again.
"Ang--" Ice started, but his husband held out his arms to catch it. It moved swiftly, but Angel somehow did just that. The mage felt the creature happily nuzzle under his chin before it disappeared into a burst of soft bells. His breath hitched as he forced himself not to burst into tears. He didn't understand why he felt this way, nor what exactly had just happened. Ice hurried back to his side, and put an arm over his back.
Emet-Selch stood up and recovered from the tackle. He moved to seize the moment, but immediately felt Shoto's arms wrap around his waist from beside him. When had she moved over to him? He was unsure... but there were tears on her face, and her voice threatened to break as she looked up to him.
...He was suddenly aware that, now that he wasn't indulging in the power of his arcana...he felt...very tired. That had been...That had been all he could do, right now, like this.
"Stop it..." She couldn't watch him harm her friends; this was entirely her fault. She dropped her forehead against his chest as she held on. She tried to hide her tears, her voice quieted to a whisper " ...please. "
Sumire looked to Yuki, who was focused on the Ascian, and growling; neither of them knew what to do. Angel was still trying to deal with the sudden, strange, new feelings and emotions he couldn't place, with Ice's support. The guards, of course, were terrified, confused, and understandably on the defensive.
There was a moment of silence and stillness after Shoto's plea... then the tendrils and aura of darkness died down and faded away, the shadows around him melting like they'd never been there. His touch was gentle and unexpected; fingers moved under her chin to get her to look up at him. His thumb then moved across her cheek to wipe away some of her tears; his voice quiet, and barely audible, even a little brittle. "There's no need to cry, hero."
Immediately after his defenses were gone, another word was sharply called from behind the Crystarium guards.
"Break!"
Emet-Selch hitched as his body's movement was severely slowed. Violet and black swirls of energy clung to his legs. Immediately after, a sharp clang of metal against tile bound the Ascian's wrists together with blue crystal. Shoto stumbled back away from the Paragon. Angel jumped at the sudden spell. The guards turned, then stepped aside for the Crystal Exarch.
His guard captain, Lyna, followed him, the Viis blinking at the devastation that had been wrought on Shoto's corner of the Pendants. She whispered a quiet, surprised "Wicked White" to the scene.
The Crystal Exarch focused solely on Emet-Selch despite the work to keep him controlled. His face was quite cold; his ruby eyes glared piercingly through the Ascian as he stood powerfully before him. He stood between this threat and his friends as well as the people of the Crystarium. Everything in his stance showed this without a word spoken.
Angel looked up, focused on G'raha. Ice gently hugged him, and he leaned into his husband's protective hold, but felt like he needed to watch his friend standing before them.
"Is all of this really necessary, dearest Exarch?" Hades tried for bravado, but found his own voice felt surprisingly...petulant, given the situation.
"Pray forgive the abundance of caution," the Exarch's face was still stern, but a slight growl underlaid the rest of his sentence. "But you shot me in the back once before, and I thought it best to make sure history did not repeat itself."
Ice felt his husband jerk against him with a hitched breath and a squeak at the mention. Angel clearly recalled seeing G'raha drop in front of him, and he remembered feeling suddenly very cold... and he knew he'd called out his name, but... he remembered nothing else. Ice; and the others; however would remember the momentary image of a Sin Eater that flickered over the White Mage's features. It hadn't been brought up again since it happened... The Warrior hugged the mage against him protectively, and whispered that it was okay. They weren't all on the edge of bursting with Primordial Light anymore, but Angel had just summoned a strange creature and could probably summon something else. Anubis would likely be very willing to set fire to the room; neither outcome was desirable at the moment. Ice tried to help calm him down while the Exarch dealt with the Ascian.
"...... Fair point," Emet-Selch replied flatly, after a moment's thought. He shrugged in an attempt to play it off a bit. He felt the exhaustion from pushing a bit too far with his powers at the moment--yet, he dare not show them any weakness in this moment.
Shoto spoke next, "This is my fault, Exarch," she turned to face him, "I never meant for things to spiral out of control like this." The female Miqo'te took a step forward, but faltered, and began to fall as she was still quite drained.
Emet-Selch fought against his bindings in an attempt to catch her, but to no avail. Instead, the violet-haired Miqo'te, the Dragoon, managed to swiftly catch her before she could hit the ground.
"Careful, Shoto," Sumire said, his tone worried.
"Perhaps you should...erm...Yes, you should definitely sit down, Shoto," Yuki closed her grimoire, as her carbuncle moved to stand beside her. "You don't seem to be in any condition to argue," the Viera added sternly.
Shoto frowned, but let Sumire help her stand for now. She stubbornly refused to sit on the only piece of furniture that seemed untouched; the desk chair.
"I would really, truly like to understand what in the actual Hells happened this morning," the Exarch looked over his friends as he sighed, bringing his crystalline arm up to rub his temples, and ignored the fact that his frustration had slipped through. He also forced himself to ignore that the door, and large portions of the room, were so completely destroyed they'd need to commission every Facet in the Crystalline Mean to repair the place.
It was enough that those he treasured were...alright. For a given value of alright.
Yuki and Sumire seemed okay, just a bit worn out from fighting. Ice looked injured, but no more so than from a normal battle. Shoto looked like she'd completely exhausted herself, but he had no idea why. The Exarch paused as he looked to Angel, who seemed almost completely frazzled just since yesterday.
"My lord," Lyna paused as she leaned a little towards the Exarch. Her voice was concerned, "I do believe we should continue this conversation elsewhere."
"I agree." He looked to Emet-Selch. "Lyna," she saluted at her name, "Take the prisoner into custody."
"Right away." The Viis gestured to two guards. Each guard moved to take hold of the bound Ascian's arms; she followed closely behind. Emet-Selch once more glanced over to Shoto in an attempt to observe the state of her condition. Their eyes met for but a moment; there was untold sorrow when she looked at him. Clearly, the Scholar truly blamed herself for this. He shook his head and simply smirked; for now, he would leave it up to her friends to care for her.
The Crystal Exarch watched the Crystarium guards leave the room, then looked back to his friends. His voice softened a little, still clearly concerned. "Pray take your time to settle from all of this... but... there's much to discuss. I would have you all reconvene in the Ocular when you're ready. Our... guest shan't be going anywhere, if I have anything to say about it."
He waited just long enough for them to give a reply, then left to deal with the mess from this morning.
* * * It took a full bell before the whole group was settled into the Ocular. Most of them were now more alert and awake; Yuki and Sumire, specifically, had taken the time to get dressed, and now both sported their traveling attire. The Dragoon rubbed tiredly at his right eye as he stood beside the Summoner. Yuki's carbuncle bounced happily at Sumire's feet then moved over to Angel.
The black-haired Keeper sat on the floor by the wall for the moment. The carbuncle hopped into his lap without pause, and Angel petted her gently. Ice stood beside Angel, his arms crossed over his chest as he leaned against the wall. Shoto sat nearby on the floor of the Ocular trying to preserve her strength. After a few moments, the Crystal Exarch entered from the Umbilicus, then the door closed behind him. His staff was on his back, and he looked more thoughtful than usual as he moved over to his usual position before the mirror.
"I'm glad to see everyone is safe," he began. The Allagan Miqo'te flicked his ears as he once more looked over his friends; then sighed softly. "It is certainly unnecessary to speak of this morning's events. What I am puzzled about is the fact that a certain individual; slain only weeks ago by all of you; is now alive and well once more."
Nearly all eyes were suddenly on Shoto; she had loudly apologized and said this was her fault... but how was she going to explain this? The Scholar opened her mouth, but words wouldn't form. Instead, her mind was stuck on the Ascian; Emet-Selch. That same guilt gnawed at her, like a bile that wanted to come up into her throat. She'd chosen to heal his wounds, which had caused this whole situation. Emet-Selch had saved her, and he was now paying the price for her choice. Instead of continuing to fight the others, he stopped when she had pleaded and grabbed him.
She looked around the Ocular, then words finally formed on her tongue, "...Wh-Where is... Emet-Selch...?"
The Crystal Exarch blinked at her question, taken aback. He actually looked to the others, as if he wasn't sure he'd heard her question correctly. Yuki frowned, as did Ice, neither of them were pleased about her first question. Sumire looked over to Angel, who was still half curled up with the carbuncle on his lap; he hadn't once looked up to the others since they settled in. The Exarch turned to look back to Shoto, but before he or any of the others could respond, the Scholar stood and used the wall to steady herself.
"I think it would be best if he were present for this, so we can all talk." She kept herself steady; her expression was serious.
The red-haired Miqo'te looked at her for a moment, as if he were still trying to gauge her or her request.
He sighed softly, then gave in, "Very well," He turned to look over to the Viis that stood guard over their meeting to make sure no one entered uninvited. "Lyna, if you would, please have your guards escort the prisoner here." Shoto visibly cringed a bit at the word 'prisoner', but the captain simply saluted, then left to give the orders.
* * * Half a bell later, Lyna returned with Emet-Selch in tow. The Ascian gave no resistance; in fact, he walked almost casually behind her. Ice stood up straight, visibly tense, beside his husband--it took something of an effort not to call forth his axe, but he managed, focusing his gaze back to Angel and looking worried once more. The mage had been silent the whole time, and just petted the curled up carbuncle on his lap.
The Angel of Truth, with an air of lofty dignity, ignored Ice--he ignored everyone in the room, for that matter--save for Shoto. His eyes looked directly to the Scholar; once his eyes fell upon her, he seemed clearly relieved, understanding at a glance that her condition was now much more stable. His smirk became genuinely softened for a moment, and some of the harshness went out of his demeanor.
The Exarch noted the exchange with interest, but he refrained from making a comment for the moment.
"That will be all, Lyna. Thank you." He nodded to the guard captain, who gave him a slight bow in response.
"Yes, my lord." The Viis turned, then stepped outside the Ocular to keep guard. Shoto eyed the restraints, still on his wrists; they looked to be some kind of enchantment. She frowned, then looked to the Exach in a silent plea for him to allow an exception in here. It seemed like the Crystal Exarch didn't understand her look at first. She looked back to the Ascian, almost apologetically.
G'raha grit his teeth, then tapped his cane on the ground, and the restraints around his wrists disappeared. Without looking back to the Ascian, the Exarch focused on Shoto, and spoke calmly and succinctly.
"Now, Shoto, pray, tell us what happened."
Shoto looked to her friends before her, then briefly wondered where she should even begin. "I guess... I should start... w-with the aftermath of our... struggle in the Tempest, at the Dying Gasp," she frowned, as she glanced to the Ascian. She looked immediately back to her friends as she took a breath, "Ever since then... I've felt... an emptiness; a guilt."
The Ascian raised an eyebrow at her words, sparing a glance to the Scholar.
Guilt...? For my sake...? He then shifted quietly in his spot where he stood, and continued to listen; acting as if her comment hadn't piqued his interest.
Shoto turned to more properly face her friends and the Exarch. She ended up taking a few steps towards the Ascian before she continued, "Last night, I brought a badly injured shoebill back to my room to heal him so he could fly again... and--"
"That bird was an Ascian in disguise?" Yuki frowned, as she looked to Emet-Selch. He gestured nonchalantly with his hand, as Shoto just nodded in reply. Sumire looked over to Shoto, then reached up to rub at his right eye again; the tip of his tail flicked against Yuki's coat beside him. He seemed to find it hard to look over in that general direction.
"If you recall, both Angel and I noted how badly injured the bird was," she glanced over to Angel. Though he still hadn't looked up, he nodded once when she paused. "His injuries were just as bad, even in this form." Shoto looked up to Emet-Selch, then paused before she continued, "He was in a lot of pain, and... a-and I," she looked away from him, to the floor, "I couldn't sit back... and just watch someone else die in front of me."
Angel's breath caught in his throat as he winced at those words. He closed his eyes tightly and hugged the carbuncle against him. She wriggled a little at the sudden hug, then nuzzled under his chin.
G'raha noticed Angel's flinch, and frowned sadly. He briefly recalled all the times he had found Angel curled up on blankets in the corner of the library tent of Saint Coinach's Find... reading books about Allag. How many times he'd sat and shared his own stories and knowledge with him. The Exarch's expression softened, and he thought about how vulnerable the mage looked right now; curled up and hugging a carbuncle. He hadn't noticed it before... because he hadn't taken the time to look; hadn't allowed himself that moment of vulnerability.
For Ice's part, he was completely focused on Emet-Selch at the moment; he hadn't heard anything to draw his attention to his husband beside him on the floor. His sudden voice drew everyone's focus back to the present.
"I'm a bit confused, though," he pointed at the Ascian as his eyes narrowed, suspicious, "How were you so injured that Shoto thought you'd die if she didn't heal you?"
Shoto just blinked at his question; she hadn't thought to ask that last night, she'd just acted instinctively. The Scholar looked to Emet-Selch with a curious expression. He looked back to her, then sighed and gestured languidly, dismissively, with his hand once more.
"All of you did work very hard to put a rather large hole directly through the core of my body, if you'll recall, dear little Warrior. The kind of hole that kills people."
"But... that injury was already a scar when I healed you," Shoto replied, quietly.
The Exarch frowned, then returned his attention to the Ascian. "If that was the damage they had sensed, then we all would have known it was you when you fell from the rafters yesterday." His ruby eyes narrowed a little, "And I most certainly wouldn't have let you leave."
The Ascian gave a cold look to the Exarch, his gold eyes flashing, though he didn't engage the taunt. After a thoughtful moment, he gave a dismissive sigh, "If you must know, Elidibus and I had a bit of a... shall we say... spirited discussion before I arrived in your fair city, dearest Exarch." The Crystal Exarch remained silent in response.
Ice still felt suspicious; he growled a little, then crossed his arms over his chest, "So you expect us to believe that you and Elidibus are no longer on good terms...?"
The Ascian gave him another sort of shrug, "You asked how I was injured, hero, I merely answered your query."
Ice opened his mouth to respond, but Shoto held her hands up to try to refocus the conversation once more. "What matters... here... is that I healed him yesterday," Shoto took a breath, "I had healed him just the point where he'd have to naturally mend the rest of the way with time." She looked over to Angel once more, "That was before Angel arrived with the medicine and food."
"So," Yuki looked rather unamused, "...at what point did we get to Ice waking up our side of the Pendants in a rage this morning?" The Viera looked between the five Miqo'te and the Ascian in front of her. Her attention was drawn to the White Mage when he drew himself further into a ball.
"Th-That.... w-was... m-my fault," Angel mumbled into the carbuncle's back. Ice blushed a bit in embarrassment at having woken up so many people, but he cleared his throat, then turned his head to look back to the Viera.
"Despite what he says, that was not his fault," Ice immediately defended, "My husband simply told me that an Ascian had spent the night in Shoto's room and I rushed there to save our friend."
"So," Sumire rubbed at his right temple a bit, "Last night... Angel left Emet-Selch alone with Shoto, then passed out in the hall by their room." Shoto blinked, then looked to Angel, who still had his face buried in the carbuncle he was hugging. G'raha looked a little surprised, then also turned to look back over to Angel, but the Scholar beat him to speaking.
"Angel," Shoto's tone was very worried, "what do they mean you passed out in the hall?"
"I-I don't," he shifted the carbuncle so he could look up to Ice, then over to Shoto. The mage also noticed G'raha's worried look and felt even more apologetic. Ice turned to look down to his husband for a moment, then looked back to Shoto.
"He told me that he had a vision from the Echo in your room last night. It seemed to be a pretty intense one. On his way back, he just sat down to rest in the hall, and fell asleep." Ice sounded slightly defensive, then looked coldly at Emet-Selch, "What I didn't understand what had happened to trigger something bad enough to give him night--"
"I-Ice, please," Angel reached up to grasp Ice's hand; to interrupt his husband.
Shoto looked worriedly at her friend. G'raha's eyes widened a bit. Yuki closed her eyes with a frown, and Sumire frowned worriedly. Context had given them all a good idea what the word was that Angel had interrupted.
"Sh-Shoto, continue, i-if you don't mind...?" The White Mage gave them a weak smile when he looked over to the Scholar.
Shoto gave him a very concerned frown, but nodded and continued to explain. "After... After Angel got to the room, we had a conversation on the balcony. We started talking about the strange things we've both been noticing around us... and... about how we sort of felt stronger... ever since that fight," she paused, then glanced to Emet-Selch. "Well... we.... didn't have any other ideas... so," she looked back to her friends, "So we decided to ask him about the things we'd started to notice."
Ice looked back down to Angel. The mage nodded silently, then looked back down to Yuki's carbuncle. The Warrior finally understood what had brought up the topics Angel wanted to talk to him about last night... the topics that seemed to give him night terrors that he hadn't had in a long time.
Ice felt like now he knew why he'd had them... the Ascian that had caused him so much pain. The Warrior grit his teeth, but he felt his husband squeeze his hand more insistently in an attempt to calm him a bit.
Shoto noticed his expression. "Ice...?"
"So... what... did he say?" Ice asked; he barely kept himself from growling. He pointedly avoided asking Emet-Selch anything directly for the moment, and focused on Shoto. He felt the anger burning within once more. Shoto flicked her ears, worried about how Ice seemed ready to restart the fight that had happened earlier.
"That... our souls... had gained... another shard... since that fight," she tilted her head a little, "probably during that fight." She gave Ice a small smile, "Do you remember during our talks afterward? When we all admitted we'd each seen one of the Warriors of Light from the First back then...?" She trailed slightly.
Angel then spoke up to try to help keep the conversation going. He still held Ice's hand, and could feel how tense the Warrior was. "Wh-When they... lent us... theirrr strrrength... to... surrrrvive," he looked down to the carbuncle in his arm, "i-it's possible... they werrre... o-ourrrr soul sharrrds... h-herrre... on the Firrrst." Shoto nodded immediately.
The Exarch blinked, then looked to each of his friends at that; they had told him about the phantom Ardbert that followed Shoto, but hadn't previously mentioned the other four Warriors of Light. Yet... these suggestions made a lot of sense. If their souls were fragmented the same as the worlds, then it stood to reason that fragments of them would exist on those worlds. He found that he didn't question any of it with everything he knew to be true. The Allagan Miqo'te looked down to the design on the floor of the Ocular, depicting the Source and its reflections.
Emet-Selch once more raised his eyebrow at their conversation. This was a bit more direct than they'd mentioned last night, and his suspicions felt validated. Those Warriors of the First must have been their soul fragments, that was the only explanation for what he saw before him at the moment: five glowing souls, eight times rejoined, without a Calamity on the Source. There was no longer any doubt; there was, however, concern.
Yuki wrinkled her nose a bit at the explanation, "Is that something he told you two?" She now also sounded more suspicious of the Ascian across from her.
The Paragon straightened his posture, then turned to face everyone else; he felt the attention in the room turn on him. Sumire once more looked over to Shoto and Emet-Selch, then made a face as he immediately rubbed at his eye again. Yuki finally turned to face him this time.
"Are you quite alright, Sumire? You've been doing that since last night." Her question drew everyone's attention; everyone but Emet-Selch and Ice. The Warrior and the Ascian seemed to be staring at each other for the moment.
"I-It's fine, Yuki," Sumire moved his hand, then frowned at her, "My eye just needs time to adjust to the First's aether... It's just... acting up a little."
"Can you still see okay?" Yuki reached up to move his hair a bit so she could see his white eye. Shoto and Angel watched as Yuki aggressively doted on the Dragoon.
"I can still see fine, I promise." Sumire reached up to gently push her hand away, "It'll settle by tonight, like always. It's just that everything seems oddly... brighter than usual."
"What are you doing to them?" Ice's deep, growled voice asked Emet-Selch. The Ascian cocked an eyebrow as he continued to look at the Warrior, rolling his eyes
"Not that you seem inclined to believe anything I say," he drawled, "but I meant what I said, and I said what I meant, my axe-wielding friend. I haven't done a thing to you or any of your friends outside of the lovely little skirmish--"
"You're the only thing different since yesterday." Ice replied as he stepped forward; his hand pulled free of his husband's grasp.
"You chopped down the door of the room I was sleeping in and attacked me. Like a primitive. I merely defended myself," the Ascian countered.
"You were-"
"Enough," the Exarch snapped sharply as his ears pinned back.
The Warrior and the Ascian both looked away from each other; Ice growled loudly in frustration, while Emet-Selch huffed almost primly. Angel stood up carefully and released Yuki's carbuncle. He then hugged his husband to try and calm him down.
The Allagan Miqo'te rubbed his forehead, then looked back to the Scholar. "Pray continue, Shoto..."
The female Seeker nodded, "Where was...? O-Oh right... Knowing... all of that, it's," Shoto paused for a moment, "it's likely that one added shard could have awakened some long-forgotten abilities in our souls," she gestured to herself, then Angel, "which explains the strange things we kept noticing around us."
The Crystal Exarch brought a hand to his chin in thought, "In any other circumstance, I might be disinclined to believe you," he lowered his crystal hand, then looked at it for a moment. "But I find that I don't question anything you've said thus far. Perhaps it's a result of everything we've been trying to accomplish since..." He stopped, not wanting to say much more in front of the Ascian that he still wasn't sure what to do about. Aside from the fight he stopped this morning, he hadn't made any further efforts to cause trouble nor run off. Emet-Selch found himself being stared at by the Exarch, and just cocked an eyebrow in response.
Angel flicked his ears, then looked back to his friends after the silence. "I-I'm starting to worry... that i-it's just... m-me and... Shoto," he frowned, then looked to Sumire, then Yuki, then finally up to his husband that he still held onto, "Has... a-anyone else... noticed... a-anything?"
Ice looked over to Angel, then relaxed slightly as he hugged him back. "Sorry, love," he shook his head a little, "but aside from last night, nothing else has seemed odd. Just sort of feeling generally stronger, as I've answered you before." He looked back to Sumire and Yuki, wondering about their responses.
Yuki shook her head, "Nothing has been weird. Just noticing Shoto's moping about, mostly."
"H-Hey!" Shoto pouted, "I don't... mope." The Scholar argued the term, but it wasn't entirely inaccurate. She'd had days when the guilt and sadness just hit her like a load of bricks... she could see how that might have come across as moping to someone else. Yuki just made a face at her. It was sort of hard to read, but it felt worried to Shoto.
"Sumire...?" Ice asked, as he gently hugged Angel again, reassuringly. The Dragoon looked over to him in silence for a moment, then shook his head a little.
"I've felt... tired." He shrugged a bit, "Maybe a bit more than I used to, but it's probably nothing. I've tried to train harder, I'm probably just overdoing it."
"You overslept yesterday and were exhausted by the time we were finished speaking with the Exarch," Yuki frowned. Sumire took a breath, then sighed.
"Some days are just like that... If it's true that we all gained another fragment of our souls... maybe I just need time to adjust to it...?" He made a face, then looked over to Shoto and Emet-Selch again. With a wince, he reached up to completely cover his right eye with his hand. He mumbled to himself, but Yuki still heard him, "Maybe I'll just cover it until it adjusts... "
Angel wasn't sure what to say. Their friends would have surely mentioned odd manifestations if they'd have seen them. Much like the orange carbuncle-like creature; Ambrosia; that had appeared during the fight. It sounded like Ice, Yuki, and Sumire just felt a bit stronger, if anything, but nothing else notable had happened. He buried his face in Ice's chest with a quiet sound of frustration.
Shoto also seemed concerned about the updates, and bit her lip. "W-Well," she started, "I had... similar thoughts. I've felt stronger... s-so maybe... my magic is too, and," she trailed off as she blushed. Angel turned his head to look at her. Ice just frowned; Angel's words from this morning replayed in his mind--they had been strikingly similar to Shoto's.
("...I-I've felt stronger too... W-Well, specifically, I-I guess, my magic.")
Yuki's carbuncle hopped over to Shoto. The Scholar squatted down to pet her as Angel opened his mouth to speak, but Ice spoke first.
"...and you thought you'd test it out," he stated, then glanced back down to his husband. The White Mage blushed, then glanced away silently. Shoto looked surprised, but nodded as she focused on petting the carbuncle at her feet. An audible sigh drew attention to Yuki, who now had her arms crossed.
"Really, Shoto, that's irresponsible even by Ice's standards."
"Yeah," Ice agreed, as he looked back to Shoto, then paused, "Wait..."
He turned to look back at Yuki to argue her wording, but the Ascian actually laughed, smirking widely, and spoke before the Warrior could. "Praise Zodiark, someone else understands~!" He moved to get a little closer to Shoto, but was stopped by a sharp, cold look from the Exarch. His expression said it would be unwise to move any closer than he already was; the Ascian remained where he was and just gave a heavy sigh, rolling his eyes and crossing his arms.
Shoto stuttered to speak again, "I-I just thought... I'd see if... maybe... I could... mend the wound... to full?"
Angel jerked at the suggestion, he turned to look at her and spoke sharply, and in disbelief, "Sh-Shoto!?" Ice let go of Angel when he took a worried step towards his oldest friend. "That was far too much damage to heal alone and all at once!"
"But I did it!" She immediately argued. Eos popped up beside her in a swirl, and nodded fervently as if trying to back her up, then landed on the back of the carbuncle to sit. Angel made a concerned face, then looked to Emet-Selch; the Ascian paused, then nodded in response.
"She did," he crossed his arms with a quiet sigh, "Although, I tried to warn her not to push herself like that."
Shoto looked puzzled for a moment. Had he tried to warn her? As she thought for a moment, she recalled the voice she heard telling her to stop... A look of realization crossed her face and the Ascian near her frowned a little.
"You pushed yourself to the level of Aetheric Exhaustion. If you will recall how 'fine' you claimed to be before you collapsed on me."
"Ae...ther..." Angel's voice was faint, and didn't even finish the first word. The condition was one both Ice and Shoto knew he'd had personal experience with. The former through an explanation from the latter; she'd been around when he had pushed himself that far.
It wasn't just his experience right now, though; the term brought back the feelings of his nightmare from this morning. He heard a distant, quiet bell at the edge of his hearing. The mage's voice returned; quiet, a bit shaky, and full of concern, "Shoto, a-are you c-certain you're alright...? It... I-It normally takes... days t-to recover... from that..."
It was clear that the mage spoke from experience. The Exarch blinked, then looked worriedly to the White Mage. Emet-Selch also cocked an eyebrow. Yuki wanted to point out once more that these two were too much alike, and it was clear on her face as she gave a look to Shoto. The female Miqo'te nodded her head to Angel, then raised her hands to calm things down before they could escalate again.
"Yes, yes, I'm a bit tired, but I feel fine. I promise!" She blushed, then lowered her arms, "That's... That's why I said... h-he... saved me... last night," she trailed slightly, as she felt a bit embarrassed to admit that she'd so direly misjudged.
"...Even if... he did help you," Angel's tail curled against his own leg as he took another step forward, "Are you... really okay enough to be up...? I'm amazed you're even conscious if..."
"I will be fine to travel," She interrupted him, giving another reassuring smile. "We're not planning on fighting, just traveling to Kholusia, right? There's a boat ride involved in that. I can rest on that." She smiled reassuringly, "I promise I'll take it easy, okay?"
"And what about him, Shoto?" Ice glared at Emet-Selch, "Are you suggesting we just let him... tag along?" Ice was clearly not pleased. He crossed his arms over his chest and continued to glare at the Ascian. Shoto didn't have a response, but her lack of immediate denial admitted she'd been thinking that.
Emet-Selch scoffed, a slow, smug grin creeping over his features, "I can do whatever I please, my dear friend," he replied, clearly pleased to continue needling Ice. "I daresay it's not your call to make." Ice growled in response, but the Ascian just continued to grin.
"You would be correct. It is not Ice's decision," the Exarch took a step forward, "But it is mine."
The Ascian shrugged dramatically, shaking his head. "Yes, yes, render unto His Radiance what belongs to His Radiance and all that. Whatever, then, can I do to convince you of my sincerity, o wise Crystal Exarch?"
G'raha gave a soft sigh then put a finger to his chin, thoughtfully; he didn't reply immediately... but Shoto heard Emet-Selch speak again, soft and sibilant.
《 If you know anything I might use as leverage with our Allagan friend here, my dear hero, I'd be much obliged...I'm quite serious about traveling with you, this time. If nothing else, someone needs to protect you... 》
Shoto blinked and her head whipped towards Hades, her expression confused and her cheeks slightly pinker. She'd heard him speak, but the others hadn't reacted?
《 Well, that's because they can't hear me. They aren't connected, the way we seem to be, now are they? 》
"Wh--What's connected?! Connection?!" Shoto blurted out.
...Ice, Yuki, Sumire, Angel and the Exarch all looked over to the Scholar as she felt heat build in her face like a bonfire, and the Ascian rolled his eyes. Then the five looked at one another.
"Shoto..." Yuki began, the Viera cocking her head to the side. "No one...mentioned a connection? Except, maybe...going to Kholusia would count? ...Are you really sure you're alright?"
"I'm fine," Shoto insisted, pursing her lips and crossing her arms. Ice glared suspiciously at Hades and fought down a snarl; this drew G'raha's attention, and the Exarch loudly cleared his throat, as if to officially interrupt.
"Here, then, is an opportunity to demonstrate your sincerity, in some small part, Emet-Selch," he intoned, flicking his ears as his crimson eyes fixed with Hades' golden ones. "Perhaps you'd be kind enough to explain the strange occurrences that have been troubling Shoto and Angel?"
Emet-Selch actually brightened, giving a wide shrug and a personable smirk. "Of course! Simplicity itself, in fact, since as they mentioned, they consulted me beforehand...but I'm digressing, admittedly. Now, then." He held up a finger. "This is somewhat theoretical, but I believe that they, as a result of their eighth rejoining, have accessed creation magic."
"Creation magic?" Sumire asked, looking over briefly towards the Ascian, then back to Yuki, confused, "Like they always talked about everywhere in Amaurot?"
"The very same!" Hades smirked. "Admirably attentive, young dragon-slayer." He folded down his finger and then steepled his hands, looking over them at the assembled group. "Before anyone asks something terribly, mind-shatteringly stupid, like 'what do the words creation magic mean', let me go on to say that they mean exactly what they sound like. They are the act of calling aether into a solidified, true form, of creating through the sheer and precise imposition of will." He cracked his knuckles. "If I might demonstrate? I promise, I'll create nothing harmful."
The Exarch shrugged lightly, and Emet-Selch closed his eyes, drawing on the well of his aether...by the great God, it was depleted after that battle, though at least it wasn't completely exhausted...still, drawing on the arm of his Elder Form in particular, and his Mirrors of Utterance, had been an effort. There was more than enough for what he intended, though; he would focus on one of the first things young Amaurotines learned, food.
He closed his eyes, and snapped his fingers with his usual theater.
Out of nothingness, out of thin air, a table seemed to write itself into being, and then a silvery tea tray. Set on it was a porcelain teapot, filled with hot, steaming tea, and a set of matching cups...arrayed around the tea set were small plates of cakes, cookies, and pastries. As a last flourish, he added a vessel of sugar and a vessel of cream...perhaps it wasn't strictly necessary, but there it was.
There were gasps of shock and interest, and he waited for them to die down before gesturing to the set. "And there you have it. This very same exercise, with...some tweaking, was a simple, elementary act of creation taught to aspiring will-workers as one of the first pieces of their training in the arcane arts. In the days of Amaurot, it was hard to find someone who had no aptitude for creation magic, though...typically everyone had one specialty in which they truly excelled. " He smiled, a little wistfully...and seemed to notice Angel staring at the cakes, though the dark-haired Miqo'te blushed and looked away, shaking his head. "Such as, for example, your creation just now, the one called...'Ambrosia'."
"Wait a minute," Ice demanded. "Angel created that? That was a living creature--"
"Which is quite within the purview of creation magic," Hades replied airily. "It's much more complex than the food and the tea, to which you're all welcome, as it's not static, but it's quite possible." He smirked as if expecting a rejoinder...
Shoto gasped. "...That's how you were able to recreate Amaurot, in the Tempest!" she said. "That's why...Twelve Above," she breathed, imagining the sheer amount of effort it must've taken to build the great city that lay far below the waters, even as a shallow replica.
Hades' look of happiness was genuine. "Ah, you can catch on quite quickly! Yes, just so. It wasn't the work of a single day, but right you are."
"...Wouldn't the work of creation magic fade with the death of its creator?" The Scholar chewed her lip and looked both pensive and worried, a reaction that made the Paragon's smile fade to a melancholy look.
"In time, yes; a large-scale creation like my Amaurot would take some moons to disappear, but in the end all that would be left would be...the foundation upon which I built," he said, breezing over the details.
《 Another time, perhaps. ...Please don't respond out loud. Yes, I can hear your thoughts, and vice versa, it's really as simple as that. Don't be too alarmed, dear hero. 》
Shoto frowned to herself--she wanted to press him on it, even mentally, but her thoughts were already a mess, and she decided to let it go for now, but remember it.
"Yet its aether shows no signs of dimming," G'raha mused, looking over to the Ascian.
"That," said Emet-Selch, more grimly than he quite meant, "is not my doing. My death should've ensured its slow decline, and I assure you, I did, most definitely, perish there. Its preservation is the doing of another...and yes, likely another Ascian. Elidibus could maintain its presence quite easily, if he deigned to do so himself; even one of the lesser rank wouldn't find it too hard. At any rate, that version of Amaurot is no longer mine to command." He shrugged widely, languidly. "I am, believe it or not, in a position rather similar to all of you."
"If you died once, then you can die again," Ice growled. "Right?"
"Yes. Indeed," said the Paragon, raising his hands as if to say 'I yield' even as he rolled his eyes. "Very well spotted. But, truth be told, I really would prefer not to engage in another long, drawn-out, destructive conflict, heroes. Instead, might I not help you...? These powers of creation, your newly recovered legacy, might become quite dangerous to all of you without guidance...and I must stress, you still are broken, sundered souls. Though to be rejoined eight times is unprecedented, it's nothing like being completed. So, I offer you the tutelage of one of Amaurot's greatest sorcerers, for no cost at all."
Shoto raised her brow, though she seemed quite interested. "...You'd train us in the arts of creation? All of us?"
"All of you," Emet-Selch affirmed, spreading his arms.
Angel's ears pricked to attention, his gaze focused on the Ascian, and Shoto looked thoughtful; G'raha fought down a grimace. Sumire frowned, then looked over to Angel and Ice rather than at Emet-Selch and Shoto. Yuki wore a very flat look on her face, as did Ice.
"What a godsdamned farce." Ice clenched his fists. "You tried this before, Ascian. You offered us help, you pulled Y'shtola from the Lifestream in a grand gesture of 'good faith' . And then, when it pleased you, you turned the tables on us without a shred of remorse and tried to slaughter us all! How do you expect us to suddenly trust you?!"
Shoto looked like she wanted to reply, but the Warrior had a point...the last time the Ascian had offered his friendship, he'd just as quickly rescinded it and deemed himself their executioner. Yes, he'd had his reasons, but...
The silence hung heavy in the room, but it was broken by Angel's hesitant voice, as the White Mage crept forwards to take a look over the tea set.
"Y-You don't..."
"Eh?" Ice turned to his husband.
Angel moved over to the table; took one of the small cakes from the tray, and looked at it. His voice low, and his face still seemed hesitant on the topic. "H-He's kept his w-word... and... he t-trusted us... last night. So... it's only f-fair... to rrreturn the f-favor."
The Miqo'te bit the cake before anyone could ask what he was doing or what he meant. He'd stuttered through, desperately forcing back his purr. He was quite nervous about eating anything, but Emet-Selch had eaten the food he had brought, and drank the tea he had made last night. He felt it was only right to accept something from him in return...
Besides all that, he was quite weak around sweets...
The Ascian's expression was one of surprise when the dark-haired, male Miqo'te picked up one of the cakes and ate it. A small genuine smile formed on his face.
Ice, however, was shocked that Angel ate the cake. "Angel?! What are you-" He cut himself off, as he thought about what his husband had said. Emet-Selch had been truthful in their encounters before, just circumstances had put them at odds. He pinned his ears back and he gave a frustrated growl. Angel did not eat any more nor take any of the tea... the cake had only been eaten to make a point.
Shoto actually breathed a sigh of relief, and then drew herself up to try and seem more authoritative towards the Ascian; it wasn't quite successful, and mostly drew a flicker of amusement that she felt through their mental connection, but she pressed on. "...You told me that you still seek the restoration of the original world, the Rejoining, but you believe it can be accomplished without unnecessary deaths, without the mass murder your kind has used before. Did you mean that?"
Hades nodded and spread his hand in a conciliatory gesture. "Yes, of course I meant it."
"...Swear that you did," Shoto said firmly, crossing her arms. "Swear an oath, on the memory of Amaurot, that that's your goal. If you'll do that, I don't care about any other hidden agendas, or ulterior motives, or secret reasons. Because I know if you break that word, it'll mean something."
For a long, long moment, Hades just stared at her.
She couldn't quite tell what all the emotions were, even through the link they shared, the strange tether of fate and heart and mind; there was fear, and shock, and some degree of anger, but also pride, and relief, and joy...
Finally, he cleared his throat and spoke.
"I swear by the memory of Amaurot," he said, gravely and solemnly, "and by the souls of the Convocation of Fourteen, that a Rejoining without death or calamity is my goal. If it is at all possible, I will seek it. Is that sufficient?"
His aggrieved air didn't touch his eyes...Shoto felt he was almost smiling, behind a dour mask.
"...Yes," she answered. "...And you're going to tutor us in creation magic, still, all of us, like you said before," she added hastily.
"Indeed, indeed, yes, yes, yes," said Emet-Selch, all dismissiveness and rolled eyes once more, though he didn't sound insincere. "I promise, too, I will teach you, each in turn, all I can. It will be quite limited, given your souls' continued broken state, but. It will be something no one else can do."
Shoto couldn't help but beam at this--here was an opportunity to learn something no one else could, a lost magic from millennia ago! "Wonderful!"
* * * Another, drawn out awkward silence fell after that settled... and just as it stretched a moment too long, the Crystal Exarch sighed heavily.
"Very well. I suppose such an oath satisfies me, too...as much as I can be satisfied, Emet-Selch. I want you to know, I mislike all of this. I'm not quite of a mind with Ice, but I'm not that far from his position, either." G'raha crossed his arms and shook his head. "But I'm not foolish enough to mindlessly challenge Shoto when her mind's made up...and Angel had a persuasive argument. So, then, here is what we'll do."
He pointed decisively towards the Ascian. "You are to remain with Shoto, Yuki, and Sumire, and travel with them to Eulmore, where you'll rendezvous with Alphinaud and Y'shtola. I believe in a larger group, you're less likely to be tempted by even small transgressions of your oath...and, being very frank, I don't want you near Ice and Angel, at the moment." His brows furrowed. "If I learn you've done anything to interfere with their work..."
"Yes, yes, I'm full aware. I want no part of the full wrath of the Crystarium and her master," the Angel of Truth assured.
G'raha ground his teeth a little; he hadn't been exaggerating. Everything about this idea seemed wrong. He didn't want to agree to any of this--he would prefer to throw the Ascian in an oubliette and call it a day; but it was what it was.
"Ice, Angel, you'll continue to Amh Araeng as per the assignment we previously discussed," he continued. He didn't share what theirs was, and once he'd made his decisions, he looked to his friends. "Please use the devices I gave you if an emergency should arise... they should have no trouble with range."
"Understood," Yuki replied, then turned to Shoto. "You're certain this is what you want?"
"Yes," Shoto nodded. She stood firm. "He gave his word, and I want to hold him to it.
Yuki nodded with a frown, "Alright. Well. We'd best go gather our bags and head out to our respective travel points. Y'shtola's new findings in the Tempest certainly interest me."
"Ice, Angel," the Exarch turned to them, "head to the Amaro launch when you've collected your things. Cassard has a caravan to take to Mord Souq today and has the space to take you along." He turned to look at Shoto, "Your group can head out to Tessellation and find Dadfort in Knot. He's promised a boat to Kholusia," his red ears flicked out to the sides. "Unfortunately, we're still working on repairing relations between the Crystarium and Eulmore... so, I cannot promise you he'll take you the whole way to the city." He looked apologetic, but Shoto shook her head and smiled at him.
"I-I'm just glad to have a transport arranged! Thank you so much!" She then looked to her traveling companions, "I know... I will slow our process some, from being irresponsible, but... you're all right. I should take my time to recover, a-and Emet-Selch said I'd be fine in a few days!" Shoto smiled, as she tried to be encouraging to her friends. "Besides, while there's a boat crossing, using Amaro in between should make the process a little faster."
"Hn," Emet-Selch put in. "How much do you trust these oversized goat-birds? Do you not have even one airship?"
"The Amaro will be fine," Shoto sighed, giving him a long look. "This is a diplomatic mission, and diplomats don't demand airship flights."
"You and I have met very different diplomats," Hades quipped in reply.
"That's probably true," she said simply. "Now, come along. If we're getting ready, you're getting ready, too." Shoto brooked no argument...she merely linked her arm with his and pulled the Ascian along as the group began to leave the Ocular; Ice shot one last angry glare at the Paragon, but said nothing.
As they left, Emet-Selch considered things. Things that were likely to give him a headache, and sooner rather than later. First, what had that blind sorceress found out in the Tempest? He couldn't think of what she could have learned that was new, he'd practically given them a guided tour of the recreated city...Unless...
Secondly and more immediately, he hadn't set foot in Eulmore since the project with Vauthry had borne fruit. He grimaced a little at the thought. Vauthry. Now there was a work he wasn't particularly fond of or proud of. And one that people might remember, especially that Elezen boy who'd caused such a ruckus.
This was definitely going to be a pain, wasn't it?
And yet, looking to his side, seeing the genuine sparkle in Shoto's eye, made something in his long-cold heart spark back to life. Something he hadn't thought along the lines of for far, far too long.
It'll be a torturous road, no mistaking it.
But...I think she's worth it.
PERFECT TEATIME!!!
Next time: DIPLOMATIC INCIDENTS!!!!
#ffxiv#ff14#ffxiv rp#fanfiction#ff14 fanfic#final fantasy xiv spoilers#final fantasy xiv shadowbringers#shadowbringers spoilers#Post-Patch 5.0: Shadowbringers#post-canon#Post-Final Fantasy XIV: Shadowbringers#Multiple Warriors of Light (Final Fantasy XIV)#Amaurotine Warrior of Light (Final Fantasy XIV)#Ascians (Final Fantasy XIV)#reincarnation#Emet-Selch#ffxiv hades#Hades
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never enough
This wasn’t how she wanted it to end. Not that...she didn’t know it had to end. She’d always known. But this...this isn’t right. This isn’t fair.
How was she supposed to find it in her to kill him when she was seeing his pain and grief laid bare before her in this illusory city with its illusory people, when he was showing them all what he’d lost, the grandeur and glory of the home he was fighting to bring back? Wouldn’t they all do the same? The shades were so kind, so sweet, so innocent--- the world had been so innocent, back then. They would never have been able to understand the end times, never be able to understand the cost of calling Zodiark until it was too late. And maybe it’s because of that...it’s because of that, that Emet-Selch can’t see the good in anyone anymore. He was born into this innocent world, this kind and clever place, and even tempered, even with eons having passed, part of him--- it can’t see the good in the world that exists now, because this world isn’t innocent. It can’t be. No one can be as innocent as the people of Amaurot, and because of that, he believes no one can be good. She could tell that much from the way he’s always spoken.
But it has to end, even if she didn’t want it to. She was dying, after all, the light in her too much for a mortal body to bear (and is that what he’d been hoping for? that she would hold it and bear it and prove herself that woman he’d loved, prove herself more than mortal, like the people he longed to see again?), and, well...this was all she could do, now. But she’d do it. She’d do it because she had to, because she chose to stop something that could harm so many people, and she would hold the memory of their one night of pretending close to her for the rest of her life. If that was all she ever got, then...it was a memory she would treasure.
And she hoped he would hold it close to him, too, for however long left he had to live. The memory still burns, recent as it was--- the talk with the shade in the Secretariat building, Hythlodaeus...telling her who she’d been. Kore, he’d said gently. Her name had been Kore, and Emet-Selch had loved her. The rest of the conversation had been enlightening, important, but that...that was what stuck. She had guessed, already, that whoever she’d been had been...important to him, and their night of pretending had confirmed it, but to hear it spoken, to hear it laid out like that--- she had been his lover--- was...it was tragic, in the true sense of the word. The woman he’d loved was gone (and if her guess was right, had betrayed him in the going, in a way), and...all that was left was fragments, scattered across shards. Fragments and her. Brona. Someone he maybe could have loved, were it not for his pain and the tempering. Were it not for the fact that they could never be. They could have loved each other, but...in the end, it comes to this. Opposite sides, for all eternity. The line drawn in the sand, and neither of them could cross it.
She knew she had to get back to the Capitol, to find G’raha, to...to end it, but she....needed a minute. Things were going to happen fast, once she got there, and she wanted...just a few more minutes in this city, just in case it faded into nothing but memories. Just a little more time.
Her feet led her down streets and past shades, oblivious to their ephemeral existence and to the end that was coming for them, and she didn’t really think about where she was going, or if she was going anywhere at all. It didn’t seem to matter. She stopped eventually, though, trailing to a halt at the head of another too-large ramp, these leading down into...into a garden. It was clearly a public park sort of garden, trees and bushes and flowers lining winding paths dotted with benches, but it was beautiful. Oddly empty, though--- not a single shade strode the paths or sat on the benches...but it was there, and she headed down towards it. Would any flowers she picked stay, she wondered absently, trailing her hand along the low fence that lined the pathway. Or would they vanish upon leaving, fading in her hands like they had never existed at all? Like this city, like its people, had never existed at all. Like...like she would have to strike down Emet-Selch, and then all he would be was memories, and there would only be one soul left in existence that remembered this place firsthand. And they would have to kill him, too, and then there would be no one at all. That thought hurts.
She rounded a corner, then, and stopped. There was a small artificial lake there in the center of the small park, surrounded by a rainbow of flowers with a single bench nearby, and standing at its edge...standing at its edge was the man himself. A bowed figure with red hair, staring out across the lake with his back to her. She watched him for a long moment, uncertain, and--- no. This would be the last time they would ever be able to speak to one another like this. When next they spoke it would be at the Capitol, and they would be enemies. But right now, right now they could be something else, for the last time. And she would take it.
She approached him silently, moving to stand beside him on the shore, and stood quiet with him, not sure if he registered her presence but appreciating his all the same. Eventually, though, she reached for his hand and took it, wrapping her hand in his gently--- not squeezing it, or doing more than that, but simply holding it. They stood there like that for several more long moments, before he broke the silence.
“....this was one of her favorite places,” he said quietly. “We would come here and sit for hours, talking about nothing. She Created butterflies, you know. There were dozens here, and she would be so excited to show me new ones they’d released into the gardens, show me what she’d made...” He trailed off, and eventually she heard him shift, and looked up to see him looking at her, open desperation on his face, that sad-pained look taking over his expression entirely; no more secrets of who she was, who he saw. “You found it,” he said, all but pleading. “Of all places, you found this one. You...” He couldn’t finish, but the desperate plea in his eyes, his face, was enough for her to understand.
She turned to face him, reaching to take his other hand, and looked up at him, watching the desperation in his eyes, the plea, the denials. He wanted so badly for her to be the woman he loved, didn’t he? He wanted her to be Kore, he wanted everything to go back to the way it was. He wanted his home, his people, exactly how it was before. And because he was tempered...because he was tempered, he couldn’t see that that could never happen. There was so much blood already on the hands she held, so many things that he could never be forgiven for, things he couldn’t see as wrong...and all for a cause he could never accept as impossible. They were gone. This place, these people, it was gone. Kore was gone. Even if the Ascians were to rejoin the other shards, even if she and everyone else were whole again...she wouldn’t--- she couldn’t be Kore. She would still be Brona, no matter how many pieces of her soul she held. He couldn’t see it. He refused to see it. And...she couldn’t entirely blame him for that, could she? He’d lived with this grief for eons, drowned in it like these ruins had drowned in the Tempest. How could he see, how could he want to see? He was tempered, true, but even tempered...
“I’m sorry,” she told him, gentle and soft, squeezing his hands. “I’m not her. I can’t be her. I don’t want to be her. I’m me. She and I...we might be similar, and I don’t mind that. We have the same soul, of course we’d have things in common. But I’m...not her. I’m sorry.” He tore his gaze from her, then, looking away, and she let him. “I know you won’t listen to me, but...it’s alright if I’m not her, isn’t it? I am my own person. Someone a little like her, maybe, but not...” She trailed off, not sure what she wanted to say. “...I still ended up with the same feelings about you,” she pointed out quietly, at length. “So isn’t that enough?”
She was selfish, she knew it. Selfish and desperate to be needed, to be wanted, for someone to love her and her alone, to mean something to someone the way she never had before. To fill the hole in her with the love of someone she loved in return, the hole torn open with the loss of her parents, her brother, the child that had never even taken a breath...she was selfish, to want something like that. She had friends who loved her, she had friends who she meant something to. She shouldn’t still want more. She...shouldn’t still need more. But she did. And yet...and yet when it came to this, to the feelings that burned in her breast for the man before her...she drew a line. Perhaps she was selfish, perhaps she was desperate, perhaps there was the same plea in her eyes and her voice, but--- she couldn’t pretend to be someone she was not. Not even to gain the love of someone who needed her to be that person. That was...too cruel, to both of them. She couldn’t...she couldn’t. Not this time.
There was quiet, then, as she looked away, and she knew the answer was no. He didn’t have to say; she’d known when she asked him. She knew it couldn’t be enough. And knowing that didn’t even hurt, not really. How could she ever be enough? She was a fragment, not her, and even then he was tempered, and carrying so much grief and pain...she could never be enough to fix that, or even make a dent.
But...she felt him tug her forward, and she looked back up into his eyes, and there was something there, something almost vulnerable, hurting and raw and somehow frightened, and for a moment she thought perhaps she was looking at the man beneath the tempering. “...I wish it were enough,” he told her quietly. “I wish it could be enough. There is...so much I wish had been enough. I’ve spent eons searching for--- that very thing. For something that was enough.” Maybe not just love, Brona thought, but...a reason to stop. A reason to go ‘this world is alright, it’s a world that can stay’. A reason for this broken place to be enough for his grieving soul. “But I can’t find it. Nothing can ever...” He trailed off, a sort of helplessness on his face for a moment that he shook away, and she thought she might understand. But there was nothing she could do for him. That...that was it, in the end. There was nothing she could do.
They stood there for a moment, looking at each other, knowing that this moment was the last, their last. That when it ended, she would leave, and he would follow, and they would meet again as enemies, and it would all come to an end, and one or both of them would never walk away.
On a whim, a desperate daring whim, she leaned up to press her lips to his, brief and gentle and quick, and pulled away. “I’m sorry,” she echoed again, letting go of his hands. “That you couldn’t find it. I’m sorry it has to go this way. I’m sorry I’m not her. I’m...” She closed her eyes and stepped back, once. “I could have loved you,” she confessed. “I could have...I think part of me already does. And I’m sorry it isn’t enough. But...I think you could have loved me, if it was. And no matter how this ends, I’ll treasure that. More than you know.”
That said, she turned to leave, trying--- no, she wouldn’t cry. She would save those tears for after the end. Even if she almost swore she heard his voice echo behind her--- I’m sorry, too. They were both sorry, then. It could have been something, but in the end...in the end, it just wasn’t enough. No amount of love in the world could free him, or save him, and...he would try to destroy them, destroy her, and she would fight back, and it would end. And she knew it had to be that way, but...that didn’t stop it from hurting. All she could do was fight, and hope that maybe he could...maybe he could rest, at the very least. Maybe he could find peace.
(And if, in the end, in that soft light, watching him watch her, watching him ask her to remember...watching him smile at her...she thought she heard him say this is enough? Well...she would cry when she was alone.)
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