#he reached out a trembling half sin eater hand tears in his eyes & watched in horror as emet faded away. Yeah bitch. no smiling

[windupaidoneus]

thinking back on when i finished shb & it took me like a whole week to be able to put into words how i felt abt emet & i wasnt able to think about literally anything else in that time. man. this shit is crazy. & then i wrote a long ass fucking essay on hildegarde's feelings throughout the expansion. man. ohhhh man. i need to replay it lest i become ungovernable

[thinkyoureholy]

Soul Eater [7]

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Pairing : Jung Yunho / [fem] Reader

Genre : Angst, Violence, Language, Fluff, Smut, Character Death?, Demon! AU

Words : 4.4k

Pt 1. Pt 2. Pt 3. Pt 4. Pt 5. Pt 6. Pt 7. Pt 8. Pt 9.

≫ ──── ≪•◦ ❈ ◦•≫ ──── ≪

 -Y/N’s P.O.V-

I glared at her, making sure Ceri didn’t try and make a move from where he stood, “Did he send you here?”

She smirked rolling her shoulders, flexing her fingers, “Why do you think he sent me?”

“Because you don’t do anything without his go ahead, like an obedient dog waiting for it’s master to tell it to walk.”

She set her jaw at my words, her eyes glowing brighter than ever, “Watch that mouth of yours, one day it’s going to be the thing that kills you.”

I gave her a mocking grin, relaxing my stance, “And you’re gonna be the one that kills me? Don’t make me laugh.”

“Are you underestimating the power of a deadly sin?”

“What if I am? You’ve never been able to beat me in a fight what makes you think you can beat me now?”

She let out what resembled a growl and charged at me. I easily dodged her attack, sensing Ceri charging from my right. I side stepped him as well, watching the two of them collide. I snickered as I stood back and watched her push him off of her. But all humor left the moment I heard her next words.

“Ceri, you idiot what are you still doing here? Go and deal with that human of hers already!” 

The blood in my veins ran cold, my mind going blank. Yunho? Why would they target Yunho? How do they even know about him? And what makes them think they can use him as leverage over me? Yunho is-- I cut that thought off the moment I realized my legs started moving before I could even stop myself. 

I let out an animalistic growl as I tackled her to the ground, swinging a wing out at Ceri. He flew back into a tree, the trunk of the tree snapping in half. I heard him groan in pain but my sole focus was on her. I dug my claws into her shoulders, pinning her to the ground.

"Touch him and I swear, I fucking swear to you that I will tear every limb from your body, gouge out your eyes, tear your tongue out of your mouth, and rip your guts out. I'll torture you over and over again until you're begging for mercy, until you're begging me to kill you. The shit we went through in our first twenty years after death will be child's play compared to what I'll do to you." I spat out, digging my claws deeper and deeper into her with every word.

She stared up at me wide eyed, the fear in her eyes clear...yet she still had the gall to smirk up at me, "Before you threaten me maybe you should pay attention to Ceri."

My heart dropped at her words, my head snapping up to see he was nowhere in sight. No...don't tell me-

I groaned out in pain, falling back against the hard ground with a thud. She had thrown me off of her with so much force I basically flew across the field, just barely managing to avoid a tree just a few feet behind me. I quickly sprang to my feet only to have her tackle me to the ground, pinning me down the same way I had pinned her down. I grit my teeth as her claws dug deep.

"Don't think lightly of me, Y/N. I'll kill you here and now for all the humiliation you've put me through all these years." She growled in my face, glaring at me with a deep hatred in her eyes, "Because of you I'm never taken seriously, even as a deadly sin. All the sins are feared, all of them, all but me. The other demons don't even so much as bat an eye at me because they've all witnessed the shameful shit you've put me through. Well it all ends now."

Her grip on me tightened, a sickening crunch coming from one of my shoulders but I refused to show her the pain I was going through. Instead I reached up to wrap my hands around her wrists, squeezing so hard they both snapped, her grip on me becoming almost nonexistent. I shoved her off of me and stood up, reaching down to grab at her collar. I pulled my arm back and swung at her, hitting her square in the jaw. And I went to do it again but she brought her heavy wing down on my arm, snapping my radius in two. With a hiss of pain I let her fall to the ground, stumbling back as I cradled my arm to my body. I grit my teeth as I looked down at the damage, already seeing it start to heal. The moment it healed completely I looked back up, ready to go at her again but she was nowhere to be seen. I looked around frantically, still not seeing her. 

Just as I cursed under my breath I felt a weight pressing down on my shoulders, shoving me face first into hard ground. I groaned at the pressure of her entire body on my back. I tried getting out from under her but she wouldn't budge. I felt her sink her claws into my shoulder, her hand wrapping around the base of one of my wings. My heart jumped in my throat when I realized what she was about to do.

“Don’t-”

I let out a blood curdling scream when she began to pull, cutting my own protests off. I clawed at the ground underneath me, doing everything I could to get her off of me but nothing I tried worked. Did I really underestimate her this much? Where the hell was this strength coming from? She’s never been able to beat me in a fight so why is she suddenly able to overpower me? Is it because she’s a deadly sin? Is this the extent of their power?

I want it.

The moment I had that thought an overwhelming sense of power surged through my veins. The anger I had felt before doubled-no it multiplied...it felt at least twenty times more intense. With a growl I pushed myself up on trembling arms. I heard her hum in confusion but that didn’t stop her from continuing to pull on my wing. Another growl left my mouth as I reached behind me, grabbing onto her arm, her claws that were buried deep in my shoulder coming out as I finally pulled her off of me. I threw her away from me, watching her collide with a nearby tree. The tree did nothing to slow her down as it split in two, Pride skidding across the hard ground before coming to a stop. I stayed where I was, making no move to go after her. The rage I’m feeling coursing through my veins was too much for me to handle. I felt like I’d burst at the seams if I moved.

My chest rose and fell with every breath I took, my hands trembled at my sides, the pain in my back was drowned out by everything else I was feeling. I didn’t even realize that my left wing just hung limply behind me. I couldn’t even focus on Pride as she lay still on the ground. I ground my teeth at what I felt next, trying to control myself. The blood in my veins felt like it was boiling, my whole body felt like I was overheating. What the hell is going on?

I didn’t get the chance to think it through more than I would’ve liked. Within the next second I felt a presence charging straight towards me. I looked up to see it was Pride. Seeing her run at me had the rage I was feeling intensify. My body felt stronger, faster, more in tune with itself as I dodged her effortlessly. I grabbed at her arm as I dodged her punch, squeezing tightly.

-Pride’s P.O.V-

My eyes widened in shock at what I saw. I pushed myself off the ground, letting out a grunt at the pain in my back but the pain vanished just as quickly as it had come. I looked over at Y/N, watching her just standing there, not moving a single muscle...I even wondered if she was breathing. 

I winced as I took a step forward but that’s as far as I got. I froze the moment I noticed the aura around her. I stumbled back at the sight of it, my heart sinking to the pit of my stomach. Are you fucking kidding me? No...it can’t be. It’s been over three thousand years...and we can’t reincarnate yet...this aura...it’s his, I’m sure of it. But why now? Why her? I cursed under my breath, clenching my hands into fists at my sides as the puzzle finally fell into place. Lucifer must’ve known...this must be the reason why he’s been after her for so long and why he’s so lenient with her. 

Wrath...the original Wrath has been reincarnated, defying all laws to come back once more and wreak havoc. All of us were the original sins...all but Wrath who had foolishly died while challenging our Lord. I was told sins weren’t allowed to reincarnate and I’d think that rule would apply to Wrath most of all but there was no denying that this aura, this crushing power I felt coming from her was his. He’s come back...and it seems more powerful than ever.

I knew there was no way I’d be able to beat her but I had to try, at least while she’s still unaware of the power she held. I have to get rid of her before she finds out. With that thought in mind I charged at her, throwing a swing as soon as I got close enough but all she had to do was sidestep me to dodge my attacks. My eyes widened, wincing as she grabbed onto my arm before I could retract my arm. She’s faster than Greed, shit, so this just confirms what I already knew. The only one that had Greed beat in speed was Wrath...just what the hell did I get myself into?

I didn’t have the chance to back down now as she kicked my legs out from under me. I fell on my side hard, not having enough time to pull myself together before her foot made contact with my stomach. I cursed, feeling and hearing a couple ribs break. I moved through the pain, pushing myself off the ground and attacking once more. I attacked again and again but she dodged everything I threw at her, landing a hit on me herself every time I missed. 

I stumbled back, bruised and bloodied all over, my left arm hanging at my side limply. I had tried blocking some of her attacks with my left arm but the damage it sustained...I don’t think it’ll be able to heal properly, it’s totally mangled. I have a feeling she’s not going to let me leave with my life, damn it. Today was supposed to be the day I surpass her and finally kill her off but with her strength...there’s no way I’d ever beat her now.

“Damn you!” I cried out, frustrated at how things didn’t go my way.

What frustrates me more than anything is how she didn’t even break a sweat, sure she was covered in blood but none of it was her own...it was my blood she was covered in.

“Why won’t you just fucking die?! I’m sick and tired of you!” 

At this point I was just letting it all out with my words. My body felt like it’d give out any second.

“Sore loser are we? Why don’t you just shut up already?” She let out with a chuckle, a warped smile playing at her lips.

She took a step towards me, the fire in her eyes burning brighter than ever. I flinched back at seeing her start to come to me, a wave of fear washed over me. 

“Ceri!” I yelled out, knowing he’d hear me...and he did.

Within the next second he appeared...but he wasn’t alone.

-Y/N’s P.O.V-

My eyes grew in size at the sight before me. Yunho had appeared just a few feet away from me but he wasn’t alone. Ceri had a beaten up Mingi grabbed by the collar with one hand and the other was wrapped tightly around Yunho’s wrist. At seeing him touching Yunho so carelessly the anger in me flared up once more.

“Let him go!” I growled out, turning my attention away from Pride.

Ceri chuckled smugly, his grip on Yunho’s arm tightened, Yunho letting out a cry as he fell to his knees, “Or what? What are you going to do if I don’t let him go, huh?” 

I bared my teeth, my eyes darting from Ceri to Yunho who was kneeling on the floor from the pain, clawing at Ceri to get him to let go. I took a step towards them but stopped when Yunho let out a strangled cry of pain. My hands trembled at the sight, this feeling inside me so strong I didn’t know what to do.

“I knew it...he’s really that precious to you isn’t he? I can’t believe it. The lone wolf has finally found something she’s willing to protect...interesting.” He began, a devilish grin on his face, “I wonder what’ll happen if I kill him.”

“Ceri no! Don’t provoke her! She’s not the same anymore! Wrath--he’s reincarnated!” Pride shouted, her voice oozing with fear.

Ceri’s smile fell as her words sunk in. I didn’t know what she meant and at the moment I didn’t care. The only thing I cared about was getting Yunho away from Ceri and out of harm’s way but I can’t even move towards them with Ceri holding him in a death grip.

“Impossible...you--you can’t reincarnate. Once a sin dies there’s no way you get to come back…” He trailed off, staring at me wide eyed.

“But it’s true! That power, speed, aura...that pure rage it’s all his! Ceri let them go! You’re no match for her!”

“I suggest you listen to her if you want to leave here alive.” I spat out, digging my claws into my palms.

The only thing keeping me from wringing his neck was the fear of Ceri hurting or even killing Yunho before I got to him. Ceri grit his teeth before he let them go, going over to Pride as quickly as he could. As soon as he let them go I made my way over to them, catching Yunho before he fell forward. Mingi staggered on his feet for a moment before finally regaining his balance.

“You’re lucky I was with Yun when he appear…” Mingi mumbled, his eyes glued on Ceri and Pride.

“And I can’t thank you enough for protecting him."

"Well don't."

"Don't what?"

"Thank me. This is your fault to begin with so I don't need thanks for cleaning up your mess. And for fuck's sake what the hell is up with those horns on your head?" He asked, catching me completely off guard.

I tilted my head to the side ever so slightly, raising a brow as I brought a hand up to my head, "Horns? What h-"

I have horns?!?!?! 

I kept touching the newly formed horns, my eyes practically bulging out of my head, "SINCE WHEN DO I HAVE HORNS?!?!?! DO WE USUALLY SPROUT HORNS RANDOMLY?!?!?! MINGI, WHAT THE FUCK IS GOING ON?!?!?"

"How the hell should I know?! Stop yelling! We have more important things to take care of!" He hollered, glancing over his shoulder briefly.

"What is more important-"

"I'd think I qualify as being more important."

My blood ran cold at the sound of his voice. I turned to Yunho immediately, spotting the hood hanging from his shoulders. I pulled it over his head, making sure his peripheral vision was blocked. I placed my hands on either side of his head, forcing him to look at me.

"Yunho I need you to listen to me very carefully. You are to keep your head down and close your eyes until I tell you you can open them, alright?" I spoke quickly, keeping his focus on me and hoping he wouldn't try to look around.

To my surprise he nodded at my words, a look of complete terror in his eyes. I frowned at the look in his eyes, leaning forward impulsively to rest my forehead against his and thread my fingers through his hair.

"I won't let anything else happen to you, okay? I'll protect you...even if it costs me my life I'll keep you alive."

He said nothing, just stared into my eyes with a dazed look. I gave him a small smile, beginning to pull away but stopped when he wrapped his fingers around my wrist.

"Don't die." He whispered out, his lips barely moving.

I chuckled softly, gently prying his fingers off my wrist and readjusted the hood over his head, "They've been trying to get rid of me for half a millennium...they won't be able to kill me that easily. "

With that I finally pulled away, going to stand next to Mingi whose wounds have already healed. He gave me a quick look before looking over at the three across from us.

"Some friend you are...dragging me into your mess." He grumbled but his words carried a light tone to them.

I scoffed but let the smallest of smiles pull at the corner of my lips, "I always knew I could count on you."

Now it was his turn to scoff but he didn't move to say any more. I turned my attention to Lucifer who had appeared just as it looked like Ceri and Pride were retreating. Both Mingi and I got into a fighting stance, ready to take him on.

He had a mischievous grin on his face, "As glad as I am to see that you've finally awakened I'm not here to fight...though I do wonder how much your strength has improved. I'm only here to pick up these idiots," He mused, placing a hand on Ceri and Pride's shoulders, "I suggest you worry about that human for now...I'll call for you in due time."

And with that he disappeared, taking those two with him. The moment they were out of sight I let out a sigh of relief, relaxing my shoulders as I shifted back. Mingi also let his shoulders slump, falling back on his ass. He propped a knee up, resting an elbow on it before he buried his face in his hand. I dropped down onto my knees next to him, suddenly feeling exhausted. I was more than ready to fight if that’s what Lucifer wanted but now that he’s gone all I felt was exhaustion. I rubbed my hands over my face before turning slightly and sitting down properly. I reached out to place a gentle hand atop Yunho’s head, pulling his hood off seconds later.

“You can open your eyes now.” I said softly.

I took off the sweater I was wearing, setting it aside as I tore a piece of the bottom of the shirt I was wearing. Once I was satisfied with the piece of fabric I slipped my sweater back on, silently reaching over to grab Yunho’s arm but he flinched back the moment my fingers grazed his skin. I frowned at the action, hoping he flinched back because of the pain and not because he was frightened of me.

“I need to cover up your wounds Yunho...you’re still bleeding...quite heavily at that,” I muttered, “Is it broken by any chance?”

He kept quiet for a moment before giving a shake of his head, “It...just hurts...a lot.”

I nodded, reaching out to grab his hand this time, carefully moving his arm over to me so I could wrap the piece of cloth around it, “Well...the pain is a good sign that you're alive so there’s that. In any case...I’m sorry.”

“For what?”

“For dragging you into this mess. They only targeted you because they knew of the connection the two of us had to one another. I don’t know how they found out but the moment they did, they didn’t hesitate to use you against me,” I explained, gently placing his bandaged arm back at his side, “And they won’t be the last ones to come after you to get to me. I’ve made more enemies than friends in my time as a demon.”

Silence settled over us, the starless sky looming overhead. I need to get him to agree to the cancellation of our deal. As much as he gets on my nerves he’s still just an innocent bystander, a human with the purest aura I’ve ever seen. He should be as far away from all this, from me, as he possibly can. And I...I need to figure out what the hell is happening with myself as well and I can’t do that if I’m constantly looking out for him. I need to figure out what Lucifer meant by me ‘awakening’, what these new horns mean, and what the hell that was that I felt moments after throwing Pride across the field. There’s so much shit I’ve got on my plate and Yunho is that last human that should be dragged into it.

“Yunho.” I mumbled out his name, looking over at him.

He just stared back, quietly waiting for me to continue.

“Cancel the deal.”

He opened his mouth, surely to protest but I cut him off before he could even get started.

“I can’t fight and protect you at the same time. It’d be easier to just cancel the deal and completely disappear from your life. The moment I cut all ties with you no demon would have any reason to target you ever again. You can carry on with your life, oblivious to the existence of demons. You can go back to your normal life...all you gotta do is say the word and-”

“No.” He said resolutely, cutting me off, a look I’ve seen every time I brought this up in his eyes, “My answer was no the first time you asked, it’s no now, and it’ll continue to be no. No matter how many times you ask me--no… demand me to cancel our deal my response will always be the same.”

“Yunho you’re not being reasonable. Do you not care about your own well-being?” Mingi asked, speaking for the first time, “You still have so much to live for. You, unlike so many others, are fated to ascended to Heaven...not fall to Hell. Your future is at stake here. We--we’re already dead Yunho...we’re paying for committing the greatest sin of all, selling our souls. But you have the chance to save yourself why-”

“You can’t possibly expect me to cancel the deal when I know there’s a heavy price she’ll have to pay for breaking it! I’m not an idiot! I know breaking a deal should have consequences!” Yunho suddenly shouted, surprising both Mingi and I.

Mingi gave him an incredulous look before his face twisted in anger, “Of course there’s consequences you idiot! And she’s more than ready to face them!”

“Mingi…”

“She’s prepared to spend another thousand years in Hell for you!!”

“Mingi enough!” I yelled, glaring at him.

He simmered down at the sight of the glare but before he could say anything Yunho beat him to it...in a voice I had never heard him use before.

“You--you’d have to spend another thousand years down there?” He questioned meekly, his eyes pleading with my own.

The frown on my face deepened at the look he was giving me...I couldn’t find it in myself to lie to him...at least not about this, “Yes. Those thousand years you are automatically sentenced to when you sell your soul...would be added to my own sentence.”

“And how long do you have until you’ve finished your own sentence?”

I didn’t move to respond. I knew the moment he heard the answer it’d be harder for me to convince him to cancel the deal. But Yunho wasn’t going to let me escape from answering him.

“Tell me...please.” He practically begged me in a broken voice.

The sound of it had me answering before I could stop myself, “Less than a year now...eight months to be exact. And then I...I finally get to rest.”

“Now there’s no way I’d ever agree to it.” He let out in a whisper, barely audible

“Yunho-”

I brought a hand out, placing it on Mingi’s shoulder to silence him. His eyes told me he didn’t want to just let this go but I shook my head.

“We can discuss this further another time.”

“There’s nothing to discuss. I-”

“Yunho that’s enough. All I want to do at the moment is get you somewhere safe and treat your arm properly. Now just sit there and be quiet while I figure everything out.” I cut him off, my tone of voice leaving no room for anymore arguing.

He shut his mouth and did as told. I turned back to Mingi, closing my eyes for a moment before letting out a sigh and opening them.

“How damaged is his place?”

“The living room and kitchen will take some time to fix up but the bedroom and bathroom are untouched.” Mingi explained without missing a beat.

“Even if we get it fixed it’d be better for the both of us to just stay in one single place. I’d be able to keep a better eye on him.” I said before pausing for a moment, “Can I ask you to pack his bags for him while I treat his wounds at my place? Bring them up when you’re done.”

“Wait wait wait. Are you telling me to move into your place?!” Yunho spoke up his voice going up to a higher pitch.

“Well it’s the only way I’ll be able to keep a close eye on you. Besides your place is trashed so it’s not like I can move in. It’ll only be temporary...until everything settles down,” I told him, giving him a small smile before placing my hand atop his head and ruffling his hair, “I’ll keep you safe...I promise.”

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Tags : @chanyeolol​

[theprodigypenguin]

340 Regulus/James

340: “You are nothing like them.”

Knocked this out in like twenty minutes with just seconds to spare before I have to scramble my way to work oof. Kind of dabbled in a personal headcanon that Regulus NEVER partook in the torture of muggle borns. He may have bullied and cast harmless hexes, but he NEVER tortured them.

Regulus’ entire body was trembling as he walked swiftly down the hall, keeping himself moving for fear of someone noticing the way he was hiding his shaking hands against his stomach, wide eyes filled with fear and guilt and shame as he swerved to avoid colliding with a Ravenclaw seventh year, stumbling over his feet in his haste to get around them and cursing under his breath, picking up his pace when they asked if he was okay.

Don’t ask me that, don’t be nice to me. Please just ignore me.

Regulus wasn’t looking where he was going, focused on getting where he wanted as quickly as possible, not even bothering to look up at who he crashed into as he turned the corner, hearing a startled “Whoa!” before arms lifted around him as if to keep him from falling. Regulus simply ducked under one arm and scrambled away, hands moving from his stomach to instead wrap tightly around himself, fingers clinging to the sleeves of his robes as he turned a few more corner, catching sight of the door to the second floor lavatory. No one ever used it because of the ghost that haunted the stalls, so Regulus quickly entered, staggering further into the room as he threw the door shut and yanked at his robes, getting them off and draping them over a sink beside him as he clung to the edges of another, head dropping as he started to gasp.

His eyes were stinging, his head ached, nails biting into cold porcelain as he fought the desire to cry, drinking in gulping breaths and letting his body shake furiously, confident no one would walk in on him. Even if they did, he highly doubted they would stay to see if he was okay. If they did, he could just threaten to hex them.

No, no, you can’t do that. That’s not an okay thing to do.

But if they’re half bloods or muggle borns it’s fine.

No it’s not, no it’s not.

Regulus let out a pitiful, dry sob, moving his hands to bury his face into them, fingers in his hairline and nails clawing at his scalp. His entire life he’d been used to the casual “better than the rest because he was a pureblood” mentality. It was normalized and made him comfortable, but even with the occasional screaming matches between his parents and Sirius, or the rare time when they would turn on him instead, Regulus was not prepared to watch his “friends” corner an innocent girl and “test” spells on her.

The sound of her sobs as Rossier hissed a curse against her shoulder grated at Regulus’ ears, teeth grit as he clawed down his own face. He could still hear Severus’ voice, dead with no real emotion: “Try it, Black, so how it feels.”

Regulus had managed to keep a composed, bored air about him as he stood there watching a group of mostly Slytherin’s torture and harass the girl into unconsciousness, scoffing that the last thing he wanted to do was get his hands dirty for something so tedious as bullying a stupid Hogwarts student when they asked him to join in.

“Want to wait till you’re in the big leagues, huh?” Barty had asked. “I expect nothing less from someone as organized as you.”

I just don’t want to hurt people.

But it was normal, wasn’t it? Especially when Regulus was getting involved with the people he was. Children of known supporters of Voldemort, of Death Eaters. Being from the Black family alone basically absolved Regulus of the sin of torturing Muggle borns. While he could be expelled or punished by the school, he imagined his parents would begrudgingly praise him. Though honestly Regulus got the feeling that even if his parents supported Voldemort, they would be furious at Regulus if he got himself expelled. What was more important to them? To have a son who followed their ideals? Or having a son who quietly sat back and caused no trouble and did nothing to damage the family image? Not like Sirius did.

I wish I was like Sirius. I wish I was Sirius. I wish I was free like Sirius.

Regulus was falling into an abyss of thoughts and self hate when the hand touched his shoulder, accompanied by a familiar voice. “Alright there, Regulus?”

He gasped, jerking to the side and dropping his hands from his face as his back slammed into the wall, gaping at James Potter with wide, startled eyes, acknowledging his presence before frantically looking around the room, mortified that Sirius might be there to see him in the middle of a breakdown.

James had his hands lifted as if to calm him down, hushing him with an unexpected tender and understanding look. “Hey, easy, it’s okay. It’s just me. You ran into me just now, remember? I thought you looked off color so I followed you…” He trailed off, eyes sweeping over Regulus. “You do look bad. What happened?”

“What do you care?” Regulus bit out, and James pointed to the Head Boy pin on his tie.

“It’s my job, Reggie.”

“So go follow around the Gryffindors and help them instead!” Regulus spat. “Sod off! Leave me alone!”

James just took a step closer, keeping his arms out like he was prepared to grab Regulus in case he tried to dart off. “Take it easy. I’m not gonna hurt you.” He said the final thing softly, and Regulus took a sharp breath in, responding in a tone just as hushed.

“You should.”

James furrowed his brow, and for a moment Regulus found himself wondering when cocky, overconfident, bully James Potter had become someone who cared about some worthless Slytherin who deserved every bit of hate and resentment he received, from both outside sources and internalized deprecation. 

“Why do you say that?” James asked calmly, though there was emotion roiling in his eyes, like he was afraid of what Regulus would say.

Regulus was panting now, shaking against the wall with tears welling in his eyes. “They… they… I didn’t…”

“Regulus.” James took one more step forward, reaching out to touch Regulus’ shoulders as Regulus lifted his hands to cover his mouth, muffling the noises as James tugged him against his chest.

“They were- but I didn’t, James, I didn’t.”

“I know.”

“But I watched, I-”

“It’s okay.”

“It’s not!” Regulus had his hands in fists on either side of his head, face buried in James’ chest. “Coward- I’m- coward- like Sirius says. I’m like them. I’m just like them.”

“Regulus.” James said his name firmly, arms squeezing him tightly in a hug. “You are nothing like them.” And he said it so confidently that while Regulus was hidden away in the Gryffindors arms, for a moment he could entertain the idea that James was right.

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[fellkrieger123]

Last Night, Good Night

Inspired by Lollia’s translation of ‘Last Night, Good Night’. WoL!verse Fell with First!Adelaide, from Adelaide’s POV

Fell hardly slept peacefully, Adelaide mused as she watched her young husband sleep soundly, curled up in the fluffy, new blankets she bought for his return. But tonight was different. The furrowed lines of his brow smoothed out, the ever-present scowl softened by sleep. He looked even younger than he normally did. Reaching out to gently brush a long lock of hair from his face, she wondered if it was the longer life that Elves enjoyed compared to Humes.

Tonight, he rested quietly. She was glad. She often wondered how well he slept. He always seemed tormented by one thing or another, creating worlds in his mind that she couldn’t even begin to understand or comprehend. She never asked, though. Not anymore. She remembered the first time she asked about a nightmare when he bolted awake covered in cold sweat. He didn’t answer her, unable to even look at her. She wondered if the dream had been about her.

In this world, in this lifetime, she had lost her Fell. Her wonderful husband who always smiled too much and carried the weight of the world on his shoulder, but bore it proudly. Her best friend who loved to tell stories and sing in harmony with the birds when he thought no one was looking. This Fell was so much like her Fell, her dear Fell that she loved and lost so long ago. But there were ways he was so much the same. His smile, the way it crinkled his eyes gently, the way he held her and gently stroked her hair until she fell asleep. That was all the same.

But he was haunted by the decisions that he had made, the choices that no one man should make by himself. He was haunted by the blood on his hands that only he could see, the blood he often tried to wash off when he spent too long in the bath or at the sink. His eyes told of loves lost, of lives thrown away in the storm of war, of comrades burned in the fires of chaos. Her heart ached for him. She wished she could take those thoughts from him so he could sleep forever peacefully like this. So he could rest his weary eyes and just dream soft, peaceful dreams where he could get lost in the peace of it all.

She played gently with the lock of hair caught between her fingers, listening to him breathe. She relished the rhythmic sound. She had never thought to hear it pass his lips again. She could still remember that day, the image forever burned in her memory and her heart. The sounds of the dying, of unholy screeches of the Sin Eaters as she buried her infant son’s head into her chest, bidding him stay silent as her young daughter tremble quietly near her. The way the screams and the screeches died in an unnerving silence. They had spent bells, cuddled up in that closet that he hid them in as he joined his brother to fight in the van, to protect the village and neighbors he had loved dearly.

She was waiting for him to return, but he never did. It was Raise who had found them, covered in the white, cold ichor of the Sin-Eaters, his face pale, his hands shaking. When he reached for them, he broke. He had dropped his father’s lance with a loud clatter and fell to his knees, curling up in grief as he rested his head on the floor, his arms wrapped around him as if he could hide from the bitter truth of the world if he just made himself small enough. She remembered how her heart jumped into her throat and the scream that tore from her mouth that day.

She remembered almost dropping her dear Gladiolus, her brave, small daughter taking him from her as she tore from the small closet and flew outside, looking for him. She remembered when she had found him. There were few bodies, those who had fallen joining the ranks of those tainted by the light, but he was still there. The red of his blood was a stark contrast to the paleness of his face and cold light that forever surrounded them in its icy glow. 

She remembered shrieking and begging, breaking the stillness that surrounded them. Begging him to wake up, praying to the gods that lived beyond the vast that they take her instead of him, that she be the one to die in his place. But the gods were cruel and uncaring and she could only watch in numb, hazy silence as they took her love and her heart away. She could only watch as they buried him in the cold, hard ground, leaving her half-formed as they threw dirt over his casket where he lay slumbering for all eternity.

He stirred slightly under her touch. His eyes opened for only a brief moment, the image of him lying dead overlapping with the sight of him smiling sleepily at her. The image changed over and over in her mind, his pale face overlapping one flushed with life, and she couldn’t help the small hitch in her breath as he reached up and gently touched her face with scarred, burned hands, fingers gently tracing the fine line of her cheek and chin.

“Mmm... Is it morning?” he asked sleepily, and she shook her head, finding herself unable to speak for a brief moment as the images blurred and there only sat him, living and breathing and smiling at her like he always did. Tears sprang unbidden to her eyes she she smiled at him shakily, reaching up to touch that warm, wonderful, 

hand as it stroked her skin.

“No, no, it’s still very early,” she said softly. “The sun has not yet risen.” He peered over her shoulder to the open window as pale moonlight lit the room in its soft and gentle glow, the sky jeweled with glittering stars. He looked back at her.

“Is everything alright?” He asked her, his voice more awake as he moved to sit up. She reached out and placed a hand on his shoulder, and he paused, looking at her curiously. She shook her head, her smile still soft as she laid down with him, resting her ear against his chest, listening to his heart as it beat a slow rhythm in his chest.

“Yes, everything is alright. I was just looking at the sky,” she said softly. He shifted. She knew he was unconvinced, but said nothing, wrapping her in his arms and burying his nose into her hair. She wondered if the few greying streaks bothered him at all, closing her eyes as he took a slow breath. She did the same, breathing in his familiar scent of fire and oil and the forest. They lay like that for a long time before his breath evened out once more and he was sleeping once more.

She reached up and gripping the soft cotton fabric of his shirt burying her face into the bare skin that lay exposed to her, surrounding herself in his everything. In the warmth of his breath, in the beating of his heart and his scent that smelled like the world. But not her world. A world so far off she couldn’t comprehend it.

Though she wanted it to be so, this wasn’t her Fell. Her Fell lay buried in the cold ground of Eulmore, amongst the ruins of a town that they had loved in, that they had a family in. This Fell was from far off, another world that sounded so much like a dream it was unreal. This Fell had suffered and lost and came to her broken and torn, seeking solace in her arms. Solace that she gladly gave, for she sought the same from him.

She knew, deep in the darkest corners of her mind, that he couldn’t stay with her. That one day, he would do what heroes do and return to his home, to bring it salvation. That one day he would leave her once more, lost in the light and forever out of her reach. He would leave her and their family for a destiny she couldn’t understand.

She felt bitter. To have this chance to wake up with him next to her, to see him awaken with a smile that was meant only for her. Was fate so cruel to bring them together once more, only to remind them that this wasn’t forever, that he would leave them once more? Leave the son who had never known him, leave the daughter that longed for her daddy to see who she had become, to leave the wife who loved him more desperately than the air she needed to breathe? She pulled away from him slightly, still locked in his strong arms to gazed up at his face. He was as beautiful as the day she lost him, but her? She was not his Adelaide, who died young and beautiful. She was older, with greying hair and skin that was not as smooth and soft as it once had been, that seventeen summers ago when they lay much like this, wrapped in each other’s embrace and dreaming of a better tomorrow. That last, wonderful night they spent together, surrounded by their love for each other.

She wanted him to stay with her forevermore, but he couldn’t. Her Fell had been bound by duty, and this Fell was no different. She could only watch him as he slipped from her embrace and back into the cruel battle to bring the night back to the home her Fell had loved so much he died for it. The only thing she could do for him, for them, was to pray to those cruel gods to keep him safe and whole and hale when he left her.

She wanted his life to be filled with love and hope and to always remember her when times became hard. She wanted him to remember her laugh and the look in her eyes that let him know he was the one who owned her heart. And, when those memories of her began to fade, when he forgot that smile and laugh and the initial sting of them being apart once more wore off and he began to wonder who exactly it was he missed and forgot... She wanted him to remember there was a woman named Adelaide in another world, far off that prayed and wished for his happiness.

“Oh, my love, my heart, my one and only,” she whispered in the white that washed over him, that lit his peacefully slumbering face. “I want this moment to last forever. I will treat every night as though it were the last I can lay wrapped in your arms. I will cherish every moment we spend together so you and I have enough memories that will last us a lifetime.

“You are not my Fell. My Fell died long ago, and your Adelaide left you alone, but I will not leave you alone like she did. Not until you must leave and embrace your destiny.” She rested her forehead against his chest, washed in his breath and his heartbeat. “I don’t know if I’ll have the strength to tell you goodbye when that comes... But I will try to smile bravely and see you off with the memory of us.” She closed her eyes.

“So rest peacefully, my not-Fell. Dream sweetly of us, of your home and the people you love. I will be here when you awaken.” She gripped his shirt once more, trembling. 

“Sweet dreams, my dearest, my heart’s desire. Good night.”