#having the one guy you trust as a father figure who had a ton of bunny fursonas go to work with the guy who sexually abused you as a child

[transanimegirltoes]

Why do I keep looking at bunny fursonas and why is my fursona a little baby rabbit girl if literally every time I look at bunny fursonas I start having violent panic attacks

Why do I both *love* rabbits and hate them so much

[jaylver]

ALL OF THE GIRLS YOU LOVED BEFORE — P.JS

SYNOPSIS: growing up, you've always known this one boy who was your father's best friend's son. as you grew older, you watched the girls come and go, at the same time, you somehow got closer to him as well. feelings sparked and you progressively found yourself liking him. what were you going to do? kiss him.

PAIRINGS: childhood friend!jay x afab!reader

GENRE: childhood friend to lovers, romance, a pinch of angst

WARNING(S): profanities, two of them being a bit dumb

WC: 3049

AUTHOR NOTES: i'm in a jay brainrot and after hearing miss swift's newest song, i knew i needed to write something. it isn't the best i admit, i rushed it HEKSJ but i hope you'll like it! PLEASE GIVE SOME FEEDBACKS THANKIES 🫶

masterlist | © jaylver 2023 all rights reserved

Ever since you were a kid, you knew this boy from your father's best friend. Park Jong Seong, also known as Jay. He was the son of your father's life long best friend, but unlike them, you and Jay didn't happen to be as close.

You were six when you first met him. It was his birthday and your dad had dragged you over to his house against your will, typical. You didn't have any high expectations for him as a kid, just wishing he had some legos for you to play.

Up till the moment you were facing him, your fathers introducing you to each other, you only realised how cute he was. Yes, little six year old you might've had a love at first sight moment. You can't blame yourself, his chubby cheeks and shy demeanour made you more curious.

You handed him his present silently, watching as he accepted it and in the next moment, his face broke into a small smile, grabbing your wrist and bringing you into his playroom.

Unfortunately, you and Jay barely met up after that, both of you having busy lives and your parents having no time to bring you to playdates either. You didn't think much of it as a kid, thinking of him as the funny boy who had tons of legos and that was it.

You figured you'll never see him again despite him being your father's best friend's son, but you were wrong. In the next few years, you would always go over his house for birthdays and the new years, it basically became a tradition. 

Of course, only seeing one another once or twice a year, each year would be a different version of him, and you began noticing the big change he went through when you were sixteen. 

Jay was much taller, voice deeper, his hair parted in a different way, his style evolved and the way his face had changed too … lord, he evolved like a pokemon.  

You being a sixteen year old teen wasn't helping either. It was the prime year for a girl like you to be having crushes, chasing after guys, basically overwhelming hormones that had you thinking Jay was cute. Cute cute. 

On that specific new year, you remembered having to do a double take when you entered the Parks' house, not realising he was, in fact, Jay. You hid the shyness and did what you always do whenever you're around for New Years Eve. 

But that night, both of your parents were out for a party, in their words 'a party for adults', dumping their kids alone at home instead. It was awkward to say the least, having to sit on the far end of the couch with a movie playing in the background, Jay seeming half entertained by it.

"Hey," he scooted over and you turned over to see him inching close and closer until his shoulder was against yours.

"Yeah?" He can't be trying to hook up, right? You can't help but think, nervousness creeping up your throat.

"I heard there's a New Years party in town, let's sneak out?"

"Really?" 

"Do you trust me?"

"I–I guess?"

"It's a 'yes' or 'no', Y/N,"

Panic and adrenaline rushed over you, fearing your parents would beat your ass knowing you're sneaking out, but it was Jay. You couldn't really say no. "Yes, fine,"

Jay replied only with a happy grin, snatching your wrist and switching the tv off, dashing out into the garage. "Don't worry, I've driven before,"

"If you crash, I'll kill you," you hissed but Jay ignored your threat, blissfully driving to the town.

Along the way, it felt like a scene from a coming of age movie. The radio was turned to the fullest volume, the two of you screaming your lungs out to the lyrics and having the windows opened, wind blowing against your faces. 

The ride was quite short but memorable, your hand was in Jay's the whole time as he led you through the fun fair, the whole town alighted with bright lights and loud music. 

The clock was ticking and Jay had finally dragged you to a specific spot. The place was empty and quiet, but the sky was clear and there weren't any buildings to cover your sight.

"This spot is the best for fireworks," Jay mentioned, sitting on the ground, which you followed suit.

"Really?"

"Yeah, my friend's brought me here once,"

"That's … cool," you said uneasily, an awkward tension unknowingly settled between the two of you.

"How's life for you?" Jay glanced at you, a hint of genuine curiosity in his eyes.

"It's fine. Typical highschool stuff. A guy did confess to me once, but I didn't feel the same," you found yourself babbling secret information, unsure why you were suddenly so comfortable with Jay. Maybe it was his presence, or maybe it was just him in general.

"You're amazing obviously, I'm not surprised he confessed. Just a shame it wasn't mutual," Jay said and your ears perked up.

Jay thought you were amazing. 

"Right," you choked out, slightly flustered. "What about you?"

"It's chill, not much going on," Jay was fidgeting with his fingers, chewing on his lips. "I'm in a band with my friends though,"

"Oh! That's really cool,"

"Yeah?"

"Yeah," you repeated. "I'm sure you're super good. What position are you?"

"I play the guitar,"

"You should teach me someday,"

"You should come by more often," he confessed, gulping a little after realising what he had said. "It's been a long while since we've met,"

"You're right, come pick me up then,"

"Only on nights my parents are out," he laughed, pausing for a second. "Come to my show one day,"

He wasn't asking, he was making it clear he wanted you there. 

"Of course, I'd love to."

The night faded off into colourful fireworks, small jokes that would soon be inside jokes in the future, and tired laughs rang into the quietness.

This was the only time you were sixteen and doing something wild, considering you would never ever have the balls to sneak out, but you were glad you did it that night, and all of it together with Jay. 

Your lives went on and though you and Jay barely kept in contact, his request rang in your head from time to time. You felt like you've known him all your life, yet you knew completely nothing about him at the same time.

Around April the same year, you went over to his house to celebrate your birthday together with him since you two shared close birthdays and it pretty much became a tradition by now. 

Upon arriving, you awkwardly stepped into the house, your parents too busy talking with Jay's parents out in the garden. Everything was familiar to you, but also unfamiliar as you've never travelled further in, feeling slightly tense while you sat yourself on the couch.

"Y/N?" 

You turned your head around, meeting Jay's eyes, his body leaning against the wall. He smiled at once, approaching you and taking a seat next to you, he was a little too close.

"Jay, hi," you breathed out, blinking slowly. 

"How have you been? We haven't seen each other much lately, but you do seem like you're having fun in your stories," for a moment you've forgotten you and Jay were following each other on Instagram, having the access to view your day to day life.

"Oh, it's nothing, just a girl's trip," he was referring to the day you went out of town with your friends, quite surprised he somehow took note of it.

"Sounds fun," he mused, nodding a little. "By the way, my girlfriend's coming, I hope you don't mind,"

You totally just experienced whiplash, completely bewildered that he had a … girlfriend?! You weren't surprised since he's cool, tall, handsome and super smart, but you hadn't expected it this early.

"I'm chill with it," you laughed it off, trying to seem nonchalant. "I didn't know you had a girlfriend,"

"Oh, yeah, we met at a gig of mine," he gave you a half grin. "Which you should totally come and get blown away by my skills,"

"As if," you giggled. "Send me the place, I'll pop by soon,"

"You promise?"

"I do."

Your sixteenth birthday definitely did hurt more compared to your past ones and it had a simple reason behind it. Well, it was because of Jay. The same Jay you couldn't help crushing over despite having the slightest contact with, but you didn't care, you knew him all your life, and he's the Jay you've always recognized, the same sweet and caring one.

Seeing his girlfriend's birthday card that was written for him on the table had you swallowing your cake sadly. Hearts were drawn around his name in her handwriting. Totally cool.

You kept your promise to Jay and stopped by one of his gigs without letting him know, which surprised him. On the other hand, you were the one who's more surprised. He did live up to his expectations, charming you and the crowd with his guitar skills and honey vocals. Gosh, whatever you were feeling for him, forget it, it's not dissipating.

To repay your kindness, Jay promised to turn up to one of your football games and you just laughed it off, waving your hands, but you knew for a fact that once he had said it, he was really going to do it.

And so he did. He was a man of his words. Luck was on your side too, winning the game victoriously and seeing Jay running up to you once the game was over, the biggest grin plastered on his face. He was practically telling you how good you were that day, bringing you for ice cream after.

Ever since then, your relationship with him grew unexpectedly. You were 17 together, then 18, watching the girls in Jay's life come and go, but the moment you had a boyfriend yourself, he wasn't the most keen on it.

You told yourself he was probably just protective, going through a phase where you thought he just "wouldn't get it". Oh how terribly wrong you were. He did get it, and your first boyfriend ended up breaking your heart.

You cried over a boy whose name you couldn't remember now, hiding in the bathroom until Jay had to drive to your house and slammed your door repeatedly for you to get out.

You said nothing, just falling into his chest with a thud and crying your eyes out. You knew he had a secret 'I told you so' in him, but he didn't say anything, keeping you in his arms until the sun had set.

21, college and being legal enough for alcohol, you and Jay explored frat parties, both being single and available, it was a hidden opportunity. Shots were downed into your throats and thankfully, you shared good alcohol tolerance levels with Jay, meaning it would be a long night ahead.

Someone had brought up hide and seek as the night's party game, and you initially thought it was stupid, but once you heard the winner getting a deal of a 100 dollars, you were in, partnering with Jay naturally.

On the count of ten, you dashed around the frat house with Jay's hand in yours, him following behind like a lost puppy. You entered someone's bedroom, finding a lucky hiding spot in a closet, pulling Jay in.

You closed the closet door shut, not realising how tight the space actually was, your chest pressed against Jay's, heat radiating off of each other's body. You've officially dug yourself a grave.

"Hi," Jay whispered, his gaze soft paired with a childish grin on his face.

"Hi," you smiled back at him, your eyes wandering all over his face, scrutinising his features.

"It's a little hot in here," Jay fanned himself a little awkwardly from the limited space. 

"Definitely," you looked away for a second before staring back at him. "You have a really nice mole here," your finger grazed against his face, but he didn't flinch, accepting your touch.

"Do I?"

"Yeah," you murmured, your fingers moving to the side of his face, gently brushing loose strands of hair away from his face. He was so painfully pretty, you quietly thought in your head.

"You're really pretty, Y/N," he said out of the blue, causing you to freeze, catching you completely off guard. "I don't think I've said it once, but I've always thought you were pretty, beautiful even,"

Uh oh, you're falling in love.

"I don't know what to say," you said truthfully, gulping nervously. "I'm flattered, really, I—uh—thank you," you laughed, your cheeks getting unbearably red.

"You're flustered," he leaned in close to you, his eyes not leaving yours. He was inches away from you, his cologne infiltrating your senses, the scent a little too familiar.

Oh no, you're falling in love again.

"Shut up," you punched his shoulder. "You're such a tease,"

"You love that about me," 

"Sure," you rolled your eyes, ignoring his piercing gaze.

"Can I kiss you?"

"Will you regret it?" Uncertainty laced in your tone, scared, anxious, that you'd ruined something between the two of you.

"No," he answered with a certain sureness in his voice, his eyes truthful and honest. "Will you?"

"If I do, I wouldn't be doing this—" you pulled him in close by the back of his neck, pressing your lips onto his, your brain turning into mush. 

His lips reciprocated back, kissing you deeply and having to place his hand on the side of your neck for some stability. The kiss was more than just a simple one, not the kind that would be forgotten easily, there was something more to it.

It felt like aeons before you finally broke apart, panting heavily against each other's lips, your hands still on his shoulder; his hand now on your waist. 

Oh, you're falling in love.

There were many things you've regretted in life, but this? You would do it over and over again if you had the choice to, and maybe you do.

"I—"

"Is there anyone here?" A voice came from the outside and the two of you froze, hoping it wasn't the seeker. "The game's over," the person yelled out before you heard the door shutting.

"We survived it," you muttered cheekily, trying to ignore Jay's gaze.

"Yeah—uh—" he brushed his hand against his pants, the tension in the air thick enough to be sliced by a knife. "Should I drive you home?"

"Please do."

Ever since that night at the frat party, you've been on and off with Jay. You were caught up with work and Jay was busy, but the part where he said he was having a date did set you off completely.

None of you talked about the kiss. You didn't like the fact that you didn't, waiting for him to speak up about it first, but you hated the waiting game, yet you still couldn't make the first move. Jay seemed like he was about to talk about it every time he hung out with you, but he never did.

Days turned into a week, having only seen Jay once or twice, you figured you were avoiding each other. You hated the feeling, you were dreading it, dreading the fact that one day something like this would happen, and it did.

The silent treatment ended the moment when you were forcefully pulled into his dorm room when you passed by one day. Letting out a yelp in fear until you realised it was Jay. 

"Jay?"

"Hi," he gave you an apologetic smile, holding onto your hand softly. "I—uhm—figured we have to talk … about that night,"

"Oh,"

"Are you avoiding me?" He cut to the chase, shocking you a little.

"No, I thought you were,"

"I wasn't," his eyebrows were furrowed, a quizzical look on his face. Were you two just in denial?

"Look, you asked me if I will regret the kiss and up until now, no, I didn't," sincerity shone in his eyes, his chest heaving. "But did you?"

"Of course not," you breathed out truthfully, noticing a sign of relief in his features.

"Good, because I like you, Y/N," Jay confessed, his gaze dropping to the ground to avoid your wide eyes, hands squeezing yours gently. "All of the girls that I've had in my life, they couldn't compete, you were the only one who mattered most to me. I never realised that, I admit, until I found myself trying to find a little bit of you in the girls I've dated, but none of them could ever compare to you."

You were stunned speechless, your heart twisting and pounding hard against your chest.

"I didn't want to repeat the mistake of doing all the avoiding, it's dumb, so I just want to talk to you here, one on one," he continued. "I'm sorry it took me years to realise. I was in denial that I liked you, I was scared you didn't, and the date I went to, I just couldn't stop thinking about us,"

You resisted the urge to smile, watching as Jay rambled in panic. "I like you too, Jay, ever since we were kids," you shook his hand, trying your best to put on the most reassuring smile. "To be fair, I'm in the wrong too, I didn't really have the balls to say anything either, but I'm just glad we're here now,"

Jay processed your words, features twisting from shock to relief, clear euphoria in his gaze. "Can I be your boyfriend?" 

"I thought you'd never ask,"

You pulled him in by his collar, pressing your lips onto his and you let your hand wander into his hair, feeling him smile against your lips at the gesture. You grinned into the kiss, eliciting a small laugh from Jay in between. You wished to stay like this forever with him.

The stars were aligned, your past and his were intertwined to bring the both of you together. All of the girls he's loved before, forget about them, they made Jay the man you've fallen for in the end, and you're thankful for that, loving him a lot. More than anything and everything.

( © jaylver all rights reserved. do NOT copy, plagiarise or edit my work and repost whatsoever. once discovered will be exposed and blacklisted. )

[nick-nocturne]

Hello! I recently got into your content with Welcome home, and I scrolled on your blog for a bit. I saw that you have... some sort of rivalry/beef with matpat of the theorist channels, and I wanted to know your thoughts on his retirement. As someone who grew up watching his game theory videos, and having those game theory videos, particularly the fnaf theory videos, be the reason I was able to fit in and share common interests with my peers in middle and high school when the fnaf craze was still going strong? It was hard to hear your criticism of one of my beloved childhood figures. But you helped me realize that I had put matpat up on a pedestal because of his videos and because of my childhood nostalgia, and that I didn't need to do that. I do wonder if you think that matpat has gotten better, that he's not as bad or egotistical as he was before. There are many questions I would like to ask. But I'll stick with only one.

So, rivalry/beef/hatred or whatever feelings you hold towards matpat aside, how do you feel about matpat retiring from YouTube? Are you happy? Elated to see a rival or opponent gone? Or do you feel something else about seeing him leave the public sphere. I'd just like to know your opinion, considering your strong feelings on him before.

Thank you for your time, Mr. Nocturne.

An angel must've tapped you to ask this, considering how much I've been thinking about this lately. ::3 The majority of heat I've ever lobbed against MatPat in prior years can best be described as angst, a lot of it unwarranted. I've had issues with his business practices, his content practices, and a lot of his content approaches--but that never called for the kind of flippant sneering I used to exhibit towards him. I've had criticism of MatPat and can't say I saw Game Theory as favorably as I felt it could have been--and I wish I could tell myself from a few years ago to accept that feeling and chill, especially when I knew I still respected his passion, his dedication, and his impact. I feel really good about MatPat retiring and it's for exactly two reasons: he gets to leave on happy terms, on his own terms, after fulfilling a career of over a decade being a trailblazer on YouTube who legitimately has inspired hundreds, if not thousands, of people in a truly positive way; and he gets to pass his position to someone else and give them a chance at what is, for coverage in certain areas of art creation, the top of the mountain. I also thought while watching his goodbye video that he's clearly been thinking a ton about how he's done his work on YouTube, and the impact he's had through his methods, good and bad--I could hear it in his words and the nuances. He's been reflecting, that's for sure, and it informed the way he sat down to talk about the journey. I also felt a lot of resonating with things he said, and there were moments in that goodbye video that I truly understood him and know exactly how he feels. I felt I could have sat on that couch with him and had a conversation as a guy who gets it, because this many years on, I do get it. And while I don't have as much in common with MatPat as I do Jamie of Inside A Mind, or Jeff of Jeffiot, or Goose Boose, there's common ground he and I could talk very warmly over. Ultimately, I am happy he gets to leave in happiness, with what he's built in hands he trusts, and that he knows his first baby--Game Theory--is going to be safe. I wish him, very sincerely, so much happiness and all the fulfillment that opening his life and getting more time as a father, husband, and man will bring him.

[crystalgastles]

i looove ur page, could u do some general hc’s nsfw and sfw both of them if ur comfie w it for jeff :3. tysm and remember to drink water and be easy on yourself💗╰(*´︶`*)╯♡

So, I don’t like writing sex scenes in general. The only reason I added one in after the flesh was because of the fact hiding your sorrows in sex, drugs, and alcohol are something I have dealt with and I feel like it was the right time in the story for it, (my character dealing with guilt about something I have yet to reveal and Jeff because of his religious trauma being brought back up) . I wouldn’t really have any general nsfw headcannons for Jeff just because I don’t write for smut fanfics (not that there is anything wrong with smut authors it’s just not what I do personally) but I’d love to answer for general headcannons since I haven’t really gotten in on appearance for him yet or personality. Sorry that was very long 😭 anyway here they are

His hair is very long (down to his mid back) with a ton of split ends because he only trusted his mother to cut his hair

My Jeff is autistic, specifically about food and what he wears because he’s very large in stature

He’s 6’7 the steeled toed boots he wears makes him around 6’8

He loves women, women took care of him, and it was mostly women who didn’t abuse him in the church so he has a very strong sense of justice when it comes to misogyny (my feminist king)

He doesn’t leave witnesses who can speak. He thinks that leaving them with the trauma is worse than just killing them

Has an intense fear of never being able to give or receive love

Had his eyebrow pierced when he was a teenager and never took it out, there is no eyebrow left but the bar is still there

Kills people over music opinions, mostly men who have no idea what good music is but act like they do

I headcannon him as bisexual but he leans towards women because he is more comfortable with them (go figure that’s my orientation too)

The entire right side of his chest and arm is covered in burn scars from when he burnt down janes house

He was childhood friends with Jane, her father found out Jeff was helping her sneak out at night to see her girlfriend and had her sent to conversion therapy and Jeff was forcefully baptized, the night he killed his family he burnt down her house with her entire family inside except for her.

He went in to try and save her but she wasn’t there, she was at her girlfriends

He was born on December 25th (religious imagery wow shock in my writing)

He lets very few people touch him, the people that he does however he likes to just have them close, most of these people are women

Very sharp features, his face is unique in my mind and I don’t know how to describe it but he’s very sharp but feminine in a way

He got his scar by cutting it open on stage for shock value when he was in a band

Was in a metal band in his teens called Glasgow, hence why he cut his face open repeatedly

He’s not good with relationships. He gets attached and jealous but will also leave for weeks at a time without warning even though he does not mean anything by it he’s just doing his thing.

Delusions are his falter. He has horrific cptsd half of the people he kills is for this reason

Extreme alcoholic, will drink rubbing alcohol if he has to

Has had four partners in his life, all of which are dead now

He hums to himself when he’s alone

When he loves he loves people, steals things for them when he can, buys things for them if he comes upon cash. He shows his affection like a crow

There are more but I’m running on empty currently but if there are any other characters you guys want to hear about let me know

[lisannastraussisanangel]

oh oh oh i’ve got one :D

guild members’ relationships with makarov headcanons!

Omg this is gonna get me so emotional! This post is gonna be so long holy shit

Makarov knows that these kids are super traumatized when they come to him. That's why he dresses like a funny little jester man. He doesn't want to scare them when they first join

He always takes the time to get to know and work with each kid that joins the guild. Makarov will take that child under his wing for the first week just to make sure they are comfortable

A lot of the members genuinely refer to him as their grandpa/dad (depending on which generation).

Makarov was still figuring out how to deal with children when Cana first joined. He feels he didn't do a good job at helping her when she first came

Cana, of course, disagrees and thinks the old man did a great job at helping her out when she joined

Cana has a ton of respect for him so when he asks her to cut down on drinking. She does so without question. (cutting down meaning drinking one barrel of liquor instead of two)

The two of them do regularly drink together tho

Gray goes to Makarov for advice the most out of the guild members. He really struggles with making the right decisions and Makarov is always there to listen with only minor judgement

Gray feels super indebted to Makarov. Even tho Makarov tells him all he wants for any of his kids is to live long and happy lives

Erza gave Makarov the most trouble when joining the guild. He had no idea how to get through to her. She was always polite and listened to him, but he couldn't get her to open up for the life of him

He just desperately wanted to make the little girl smile. The first time Erza smiled at him, he bawled his eyes out

Erza always makes sure to shoot him a smile when she enters the guildhall now

Natsu decides that since Makarov found him, he now owes Makarov his life. Makarov nearly has to beat it into Natsu that he does not owe him anything and that he is not to lay his life down for Makarov

Natsu then decides to live by the rule: 'you saved my life so now I'm your problem'

Natsu has so much respect for Makarov it's not even funny. But Natsu's love comes with a price. And that price is constant headaches

Mirajane actually didn't like Makarov all that much at first. She appreciated him bringing her family to the guild but she thought he was too lax with how he ran the place

The two of them really bonded after Lisanna's death

Lisanna adores Makarov. She's one of the few people who can catch him off guard and tackle him in hugs (it happens a lot. you'd think he'd catch on by now)

Elfman views Makarov as the perfect man. He wants to be like him. Makarov insists Elfman should find better role models

Mystogan views Makarov as his father. He cannot imagine anyone else who deserves the title

Mystogan's biggest regret was not being able to tell Makarov how much he appreciated everything he did for him

Bisca and Alzack were so upset that Makarov wasn't there for their wedding that they ended up getting remarried just to have him be a part of it

Every time Makarov compliments Gajeel, Gajeel has to fight back tears. He worked so hard to earn Makarov's trust and respect so now every time the guy is nice to him its almost enough to send Gajeel into a sobbing mess

[short-black-diamond]

We got swoled and chaded 😂

Ok a request!!! Hmmm could you do something about the Kamille has a crush on Sahed/Rainah situation? Like Julia rambling to Sahed about how they can’t keep seeing each other because Kamille has feelings but lets slip that she is into him? Or honestly I’ll take anything

Yeah sure! I was thinking very much how the author(s?) would write Kamille and Julia actually talking about their situation and everything. Anywaysssss, let's do this!

I changed that request a little bit for personal reasons, so yeah...

Uh...it will be a little angsty for Julia (in my opinion), and I will do a shit ton of Kamille slander, however, I'm not good at this so you might not be that mad, but oh well!

Also I did not proofread.

Sahed x Julia

---

What did you just say?

How long? Or better; how much longer?

Another day has passed in this weird circus with living corpses acting like humans and the brown haired girl trying to figure out the magic behind it.

But that was pushed aside because of a new problem. Kamille had a crush on Sahed. That's what Julia thought as she made yet another useless attempt of trying to find the girl who was most aqquainted to her. And she failed yet again.

With a frustrated sigh, she sunk down on a nearby bench and just looked at the scenery in front of her; acrobatics making the most ridiculous and dangerous looking poses and stunts, others playing with balls, Dotty and Bob chatting away with some other adults and much many more circus-like activities taking place.

Julia felt...lonely. Yes. She felt abandoned. Why?

She was far away from home. She didn't know if she'd ever even see her father again.

Kamille was spending much more time with her new friends Rainah and Sahed.

Dotty was ignoring her uneasyness and hunger for more insight of the past of this circus.

Tonny didn't look like a bad guy.

Sahed was a mysterious boy.

Sahed...was also a boy, who was one of the many reasons she didn't feel good. Not in a bad way- it's just, he's...weird. Dangerous. somehow...hot?

No!

Julia did not just think that! Not about that cocky smirk! Not about that luscious hair! Not about those beautiful orbs...or that sweet little extra eye...!

"Oh hello there. Didn't think I'd see you here of all places.", the boy's voice said, pulling her out of her thoughts. She flinched and yelped, but Sahed only chuckled as it was no surprise to him. He got to know her, after all.

"S-Sahed! I-uh-", dammit, what should she say? And what did he mean by that? "I just...wanted to see how everyone was doing...", she spoke, albeit hesitantly. She couldn't trust that guy. Not when he seemed to look...understanding? Did he just giver her a look of sympathy? No, she must've imagined it.

Sahed was just as dangerous as everyone else in this place. "So so? And...where's Kamille?", he asked in faux concern, with the intention of annoying her again. He knew that Kamille was very dear to Julia, but it also pissed him off that she was spending more time with his sister than her best friend, even when she was designing the clothes.

But he didn't notice the way Julia frowned upon his question a little. Nor did he hear her heart crack. "I don't know. I thought she was with you.", Julia answered, but her tone lacked emotion.

So Sahed likes Kamille too. Lucky her.

Sahed felt weird for some reason. His third eye sensed some iffy stuff going on now. Sahed was alarmed, but didn't show it. "Why would she be with me? She only likes to hang out with my sister you know? It's so damn annoying.", and he yawned. Julia noticed the dark circles under his eyes. Why does he never sleep?? But on the other hand, he looks hot-

"Oh, then...you should be going to bed. You have heavy eyebags. It doesn't suit you."

Okay, no.

This was not the Julia he knew.

He wanted his old Julia back.

The one who'd always shout and yell and blush and stutter and look so ador- Hold on.

What was he thinking???

"And it doesn't suit to me that you're acting weird.", he declared, suddenly stepping closer to her. She was taken aback, of course, and leaned back because he was invading her space as she was sitting on the bench.

He was bowing, she was sitting. He then rested his head on her shoulder. And whispered: "What happened?"

It was soft. Yet a demand.

A soft demand.

Julia felt bewitched by his rizz powers/hotness bluntness and her breath hitched. instinctively, she pushed him away form her and looked away. "N-nothing's wrong with me!" Yet she wanted to tell him about her every concern.

"Something clearly is. Am I that much of a bastard to you that you don't want to talk to me?", he asked, and Julia risked it to look at him again.

Big mistake.

Instead of his usual, confident smirk, there was a...great sadness.. adorning his face. His brows were furrowed in a sad frown, the corners of his mouth went south and he even closed his third eye. She liked that eye the most. Even if she'd never admit to it freely.

And even though he still looked amazing, she couldn't help but feel another pang of pain and her heart cracked again. She didn't know if she could handle it. "I- can we talk in private then? I don't want unwanted eavesdroppers to hear us..."

and so, the two were in a cabinet that didn't belong to anybody from the circus. Julia took a big breath before she started talking.

"As you know, I'm Kamille's friend, but ever since we came here, she's been distancing herself from me more and more and found so many friends so easily. Meanwhile I'm here, trying to overcome the fact that we really might stay here for the rest of our lives."

She received a nod. Sahed was either trying to act like he cared, or he actually...did care. "I mean, sure, Kamille would make friends no matter where we'd be. I just...I always feel excluded. I know that I'm not as pretty or nice or good as her. Or what everybody sees in her but me. I knew that the kids our age only liked Kamille. They even told me."

Sahed frowned. Julia was actually a good person. How could anybody tell Julia that they wouldn't want to spend time with her? And telling her that they don't like her to her face?

What the hell?

She was... Weird, but cute. And he flushed at the thought, but Julia didn't really pay him any mind and kept going.

"Kamille...she, uh-jeez that will sound childish to you- but...she forgot my birthday. We normally always celebrated together. But this time, she just forgot!", Julia exclaimed, this time looking at Sahed, and this time too, he frowned.

"When she's your best friend, why does she do that? Shouldn't she have told those kids to not exclude you and be nice to you?"

At that, Julia was taken aback. Sahed actually listened and discussed it with her instead of making fun of her. Her cheeks warmed up, but she pushed her feelings away, only for them to grow a hundredfold when Sahed kept going.

"And how could she forget your birthday? Isn't she your best friend? Me personally, I wouldn't let that slide. No."

Suddenly, Julia felt embarassed. Kamille liked Sahed! Damn, why did she talk so badly about Kamille?!?!? She needs to fix this!

And, well, with futile attempts, the girl with the long hair laughed awkwardly. "B-but that's okay! Kamille's pretty nice aside from that! She can design such pretty stuff, don't you think?! She'd be a great girlfriend for you!!"

Ouch.

Ouch ouch ouch ouchouchouchouchouchouch-

"Wha- why would I want her to be my- whoah, whoah whoah whoah. Wait a minute. What the hell is going on?", the male glared at her.

Sahed didn't get Julia. In the first moment, she's depressed. Then she's talking about the problems in her life. What bad things Kamille has done. And then she's telling him to become her girlfriend???

Sahed didn't get girls. Girls were weird creatures.

he sighed and punched the bridge of his nose. "Julia, why are you telling me all your problems, Kamille not treating you right, like as in her not aknowledging your existence,", hence Julia averting her eyes with a hurt expression where in response his heart hurted, "nor standing up to your bullies, or even forgetting your birthday? She does not seem like such a good person to me. and I don't even think she likes me, more like-"

"What?! Of course she likes you! You're smart, handsome, sometimes funny, a good listener, handsome, weird, mysterious, handsome, and you're a good brother. I don't think that Kamille could get a better crush on anybody else than you."

All the while you were counting the reasons 'Kamille' could have a crush on him, he'd rather...want it to be Julia who did. "You know that you called me handsome three times, right?"

Ah, there was that hot smirk again. Sahed thought that he could tease Julia with it -and hopefully get a confession- but he was not prepared to hear her actually say it.

"Because I like you."

She- She said it like it was the most normal thing in the world...!

"What did you just say?"

Julia took a little while to process why Sahed's tan was getting redder and his eyes widening before she realized what she did.

She voiced her thoughts out loud.

She got a little whiplash from all the blood rushing to her head, but she was too focused on apologizing and telling him to forget that she ever said that. In her head, she was punching and kicking herself. Did I really say that?! Do I really like Sahed?! What will Kamille think??!

He was still stunned, but recovered quickly.

Slowly, he took one of her flailing hands in his and brought them to his lips.

"May I?", he asked.

And she couldn't believe it was really happening. Too weak to move her mouth, she just nodded weakly, and Sahed gave Julia a small kiss to her knuckles.

"Julia, I like you t-"

"Sahed- OHH, I'M SORRYYY~", Dotty interrupted Sahed's confession towards Julia with a laughing face. He was blushing furiously, because Dotty of all people had to see him in such a state. And he also thought that no one would look for him at this time.

Julia was no better. "D-DOTTY?! wha-what are you doing here?!"

The freckled woman only giggled and waved her hand before dissappearing again.

Julia and Sahed would have some explaining to do.

---

I honestly wanted Sahed to comfort Julia as well, but here we are.

I hope it was okay!!

Send in more requests please! Also please read my work "battle fairy" guys! Thank you!

[ahfrickenfrick]

buzzfeed unsolved: The disappearance of Jason Todd

Ryan

Shane

—

This week on Buzzfeed Unsolved we will be discussing the disappearance of Jason Todd-Wayne, which has had updates as recently as last week.

Wait last week? Ryan, if we disappear because of this episode imagine how cool it would be. Maybe we hang with our good pal Jason.

I don’t have time for you being stupid. I have to get this right, because let me be honest. I have a man crush on Bruce Wayne, and if he ends up watching this and you’re being stupid I’ll never forgive you.

Okay, sure. Cause Bruce Wayne is searching the internet for every little thing posted about his dead son.

(wheeze)

We don’t know if he’s dead! And that’s what I’m here to talk about today.

-

Jason Peter Todd was born August 16th, 2000 in Gotham City, New Jersey, to his mother Dr. Sheila Haywood and his father Willis Todd. However only a few months later did Willis Todd marry Catherine Johnson, forcing Dr. Haywood to have to relinquish custody.

If I ever have a kid-

-they would all have your big head and I’d feel sorry for them.

Ryan. I listen to you ramble about murderers and ghosts. Let me tell my spiel.

(wheeze)

Right, sorry.

If I ever have a kid with someone, I think I’d be really upset if they just kinda made me give my kid to a stranger.

Here’s the thing to that! No one has heard or seen from Dr. Sheila Haywood since, like after her son was born. The only thing that might link back to her is an illegal botched surgery, but most of it was sealed off, and I don’t feel like having the Gotham City Police Department call me up

(ring ring)

Hi yes, are you that idiot from that show? You will be arrested immediately! Batman and his group of… misfits?? I don’t know, but they are on their way!

Moving on from your weird role play, like all the families that live in Park Row, what is deemed “Crime Alley”, the Todd family did not have money.

You could not pay me to go to a place called Crime Alley.

We were actually going to Gotham, scope around, maybe get a selfie with Robin-

-Which one?

I need to do an episode trying to figure out how many Robin’s there actually are… I think there have been five?? Six?? I don’t know… stop distracting me with Batman! We ended up scraping the visitation part because apparently this time of year Arkham breakouts are common, and I don’t want to get fear gassed.

-

Jason did decent at school, until he stopped showing up, school records are really spotty after third grade. Apparently he was reading and understanding college level stuff, but that’s really all we got on it.

Not a lot on this guys younger life it looks like.

No there isn’t, not any social media posts, or news articles, or anything if that sort about Jason until a few years later in 2012, when Jason became the ward to the one and only, Bruce Wayne.

Ah, Bruce Wayne, you love him, I love him, uhm- I actually don’t know much about Bruce Wayne other than the fact he’s one of the few rich people who give away a shit ton of money.

Bruce Wayne is a billionaire CEO, with a heart of gold, and some say he sleeps around, but as long as he’s not hurting anyone. Also! He’s a dad! Bruce Wayne is a trusted person within the Foster Care over in Gotham. He takes in the extreme cases that would probably leave the kid with a bunch of trauma.

Well, with what I’ve heard about Gotham, he must have like a billion kids with just a bunch of trauma

Let’s see what I remember from research, cause I did not write anything down for this. His first ward was Richard Grayson, who goes by Dick, was taken in after he watched his whole family fall and die on the trapeze.

As I said before, Jason was brought into Mr. Wayne’s custody after the death of both his father and his step mother. His father’s death was unknown, and his step mother died from a drug overdose… in front of Jason.

Uhm- Tim Drake? His was more interesting to watch unfold because there’s a whole other multimillion almost billion dollar company that Tim’s parents owned, and there was a lot covered up by lawyers and stuff, but Tim ended up with the Waynes

Then there’s the only female in the place, Cassandra Wayne, she is selectively mute, and overly protected by her adoptive family, nothing was shared with the media about where she came from.

Damian Wayne is the only blood son to Bruce Wayne, he didn’t even know about the kid until… like last year? Two years ago? Again, not a lot that I remember.

And then there’s been rumors of him taking in another kid, but nothing for sure yet.

Jesus, Ryan take a breath, and go back to Jason, because now I’m hoping I believe your theories about him being alive cause what this family didn’t need is another death.

Look, Shane. I’m going to be straight with you here. There are three possible theories I think could be plausible. So let’s jump right into them.

-

Theory one, is that Jason Todd is alive and in hiding from The Joker. This is the second most popular idea, and one I hope is true. There really isn’t anything else to this theory, besides a picture of someone that looks a little like Jason in the middle of Asia.

Doppelgänger, probably. Lemme see. I don’t know… this kinda looks like someone edited it.

Yeah, like it looks really distorted. I don’t know if I think it’s real, but it’s what people online were talking about.

Crazy, that people online would doctor fake photos of a kid who had died.

Exactly, which is why people think he’s alive, cause who would do that?

—

Theory two is that Jason Todd died as his family said he did, looking for his birth mother. Apparently he was in the Middle East, found his mother, but then both were found dead in an explosion caused by the Joker.

So the Joker, who is Gotham’s Prince of Crime, was somehow in the Middle East? I don’t buy it

I didn’t either, until I looked just a little deeper, and found that the next week Superman and Batman stopped the Joker from murdering the United Nations. So he was in the area.

Oh my god. If.. I know on this show I try to goof off, but it’s hard when it’s a kid. How old was Jason?

Only 15. He just got back into the swing of things at school, getting all A’s, he was in the Drama program and the Poetry club. If you scroll down a on Dick Grayson’s Instagram you can find a selfie of Dick and Jason, Jason being in his school uniform only a week before he died. The two seemed to be really close, with how much Grayson posted of the two of them, and then it was radio silence from the man until a year after Jason’s death, where he made a memorial post, along with Bruce Wayne, who made the Jason Peter Todd Memorial Foundation, which helps families in Crime Alley.

Look, not okay with the kid dying, but it makes me kinda smile to see that his family got together to do something like this in his name.

I don’t think you understand the length of what this fund does. It provides special housing for single mothers, has opened up two clinics that help with drug abuse and addiction, and keeps kids in warm clothes and in school.

That’s- wow. Okay, you are making this “he’s dead” thing seem like it’s the only thing that happened.

Well, theory 3, is that he died-

Wait what?

He died, and came back to life.

This, I think, is worse than you saying ghosts are real.

We live in a world where someone can run at the speed of light! Yet you draw the line at ghosts and maybe hopefully someone who isn’t dead.

Yeah, but that’s science. Okay whatever where’s the proof of him being alive.

Okay, looking at the timeline. Jason Todd died at 15, in 2015. And the Wayne’s kinda were quiet for a year and a half, besides the foundation they set up, even with Tim, nothing really new was happening.

And then things seemed to go back to normal, they all frequented gala’s again, and all the other social stuff they did-

Yeah, nice choice of wording there

Shut up, anyways, in 2018 a picture appears, not even the front page, of Dick Grayson walking and laughing with someone who looks a lot like if Jason Todd grew up for a few years, and then decided to dye his hair.

Listen, Ryan. People have doppelgängers. We just saw the other picture and it’s clearly fake- Jesus Christ that looks exactly like Jason.

Exactly! And I started looking around more, finding pictures of the Wayne family around Gotham from news sites, and every once in a while, that guy pops up. Never in the picture, but always somewhere in the background like he wasn’t wanting to be seen. Like i mentioned in the beginning, there was a picture from a week ago that looks exactly like him.

Wait, is this a theory from the internet or something you came up with?

Both, kind of? I saw someone make a bad joke about it, and then it kinda stuck in my head as I looked for more information. Apparently there is a mythical pit that could bring someone from the dead.

Okay, yeah. Mythical revival pit. As if any living person wouldn’t be all over that.

Look man, that’s just the information I found. But I really really hope that Jason is alive somewhere safe, or resting peacefully.

The most believable for me is that he did pass away. But I’d love to be wrong.

That being said, I got really sad looking through all of Jason’s life, I felt like I was being more invasive than usual. So I talked with the crew and Buzzfeed, and we are donating all revenue from this video to the Jason Memorial fund in Gotham.

But the mystery of Jason Todd, still remains….

Unsolved

[runthepockets]

Honestly, as a man, I think most of my greivances have been with online leftism and the attitudes the queer and feminist spaces have towards men in them have been more damaging than almost anything else in my life. I've stopped thinking about my middle school bullies, and everyone knows my abusive mom and ex girlfriend are insane, but the attitudes I'd been faced with on the internet as a teen still seem to sit with me.

It's the constant judgement. The perpetual social hierarchy of how men are only ever oppressors and be wrong in situations. "Never trust a man who says all his exes are crazy, be wary of men who speak poorly of their mothers" while women who say all their exes are crazy and speak poorly of their fathers are only ever met with sympathy and the usual "lol yeah men are trash". Masculine hobbies and modes of presentation being put down to uplift feminine ones, "when you see a 10/10 girl with a 4/10 guy" comments just cus the guy looks like a dude who works at Target rather than a goddamn movie star, penises and facial hair and deep voices are yucky disgusting, The Ick, "hate when big groups of men are laughing, what's so funny, rape and misogyny?" Videos of dudes crying and talking about how they're having a hard time is just met with ridicule and emasculating commentary from both men and women who posture themselves as kinder and smarter than the status quo, "weh weh raise the male suicide rate they're all rapists and abusers anyway", other dudes siding with women who do this shit cus they're more concerned with being One Of The Good Ones than they are having a fucking spine or a sense of individuality, not realizing they're just the male equivalent of pickme girls.

Idk man it just hurts me. I've been abused by a lot of women, had my sexual advances blown wildly out of proportion because the women in question either regretted engaging with me later or wanted to keep running with this narrative that they have no agency and are perpetually victims in their own lives even though I haven't really done anything to make them believe this, and all it gets me in these spaces is blank stares and awkward silences, when I know if the genders were flipped I'd get nothing but endless support. I'm not as upset about one of my exes making false rape accusations against me as I was as a teenager, but I'm sometimes nervous around bringing it up in leftist spaces at all because I figure folks are just gonna find a way to warp it and make me feel like I imagined the whole thing and that my ex had every right to be a shit to me because she's a girl and girls doing anything is Girl Power, even when it's actively harming others.

I'm sure me being black and trans plays a big role in this too, but again, 1) I'm not a fan of putting emphasis on my marginalization for brownie points, 2) I actually am straight, masculine, gender conforming despite those marginalizations, so there's really no identifiers for me to hide behind and claim "false comparison" over, I actually am all those things that online queer and feminist spaces take issue with and it still sucks and has actively done damage to my self esteem over the years and 3) I've seen other men-- cis, white, whatever-- of all backgrounds talking about their frustrations with this too. It's just another form of socially acceptable bullying and I kinda hate it.

People ask why I go stealth irl, why I don't go out of my way to befriend a ton of queer and liberal people my age, and why I'm adverse to communities that pride themselves on being diverse and all accepting and shit, well this is why. Cus every time I talk about a problem or criticize reactionary sentiment in those spaces, I'm met with me just being ~a pathetic man who's too sensitive to letting marginilized people vent~, I'm told that I'm part of the problem, I'm told that if I stopped being so rape-y and entitled and if I just fell in line like a good little man that I wouldn't have any of these problems, no actual solutions or sympathy, just condescension.

Yeah, of course I identify with bro culture, speak highly of masculinity, and entertain playful douchebaggery after years of that. That stuff saved my life and isn't hostile to my existence or my desires. I'm loud, energetic, assertive, with a hazing / controversial sense of humor and morality, there is no timeline where I'm going to be defanged and docile and see it as acceptable to walk all over someone for things they can't help, no matter how "privileged" they are. These subcultures let me be a man in a way a lot of online (and honestly, irl) leftist spaces aren't really willing to allow or deal with.

[theurgic-necromancer]

Zia is unusually quiet as she tunes her violin.

You watch her, not sure whether to speak up and ask what's on her mind or to simply stay where you are. You've been mulling over whether to tell her what you know about her heritage. But how exactly does one go about bringing something like that up? Especially to someone who has no memory of who they are to begin with.

"Can I help you, big guy?" Zia says, snapping you out of your thoughts. She's casting a sidelong glance at you even as she continues her careful tuning.

"Uh," you say with all the grace of a floundering fish. The corners of her lips quirk up in an amused expression. You clear your throat and look away. "Sorry, I was lost in thought."

She smiles wider. "I know I'm the prettiest thing here, but if you wanted to spend some alone time with me, all you had to do was ask."

"No, that's not it." The intended meaning goes right over your head. "It's just... I might know why... you killed the bard."

Her eyes widen and she sits a little straighter. "What? You... you do?"

You nod. "It's... well... to put it simply, it's because of your great-great-great-grandmother."

"The old Grand Duke?" She sets her violin down as she turns to face you fully.

"Yeah. Imoen." You take a deep breath, and decide it's best to just get it over with. "She was my sister."

Zia arches an eyebrow. "Sister?" she repeats incredulously.

You absentmindedly tug on your pointed ears. "Half-sister, technically. There were... a lot of us. I don't know the exact number, though if that old prophecy is to be believed it was twenty."

"There was a prophecy?" Zia leans in, looking equal parts intrigued and confused.

"Yeah," you say. "Because... Because our shared father was a god."

Zia sits up, eyes wide. "Wait... does that mean I'm possibly an aasimar?" She sounds thrilled by the idea. Why wouldn't she be? Aasimars are holy beings, just as beloved and worshiped as the "good" gods they spawned from.

You laugh bitterly. "If only that were the case."

"...What do you mean?"

You sigh and lean your weight on your staff, a bone-deep exhaustion suddenly creeping through you. "Our father was the Lord of Murder, Bhaal."

You see the color drain from Zia's face. "Lord of... Murder?"

"I think that connection is what drove you to kill out of the blue like that."

"Is that... something you do, too?" she asks carefully.

You hesitate. The answer isn't exactly simple, after all. "Yes and no. You remember back on the Nautiloid? That... thing I turned into?"

She nods. Oh, good, it would have been embarrassing if she didn't.

"It's a lot more obvious when I'm about to unintentionally murder someone. But... yes, I have killed people out of the blue like that." You absentmindedly rub at your neck scars. "Not often, though, thank the gods. Regardless... what was my point? Oh, right. It was likely your distant connection to the Lord of Murder that drove you to, well... murder. And that's just... something you'll have to keep an eye on."

Zia's expression falls as she looks away from you. Silence falls over the two of you.

"...Should I tell the others?" she wonders aloud.

A knot forms in your stomach. Every instinct inside of you screams no. You can't risk it, neither of you can. They'll turn on you, drop you in an instant.

Because no one trusts a Bhaalspawn. Because they shouldn't trust you. Or so the "common wisdom" goes.

"It's your call," you say with a shrug.

She glances at you again. "They'll ask how I figured it out."

"Tell them I... remembered something I read a long time ago." A believable lie.

Zia hums thoughtfully. "...I'll tell the others if they think to ask about it. But..." Zia rests her chin in her hands as she leans towards you again. "Since you know so much about this, I'm definitely going to have to ask you more about it."

"That's fine," you say with another shrug.

"I hope you realize what sort of door you've now opened... uncle."

The word hits you like a ton of bricks. It's not a bad feeling, but... it sure does throw you for a loop to hear it said out loud.

"That's going to confuse the hell out of the rest of the party."

"What, you going to ask me not to call you that?" Zia pouts.

"No, it's going to be fucking hilarious."

[luv4fandoms]

Invisible String

Chapter 3- Easier said than done

Masterlist

Prev/Next

Shaking her head, Lizzie packed up the rest of the "crap ton" of cookies she made and grabbed her bag, luckily it was big enough to fit the Tupperware container in.

Making her way towards her first period she wondered just what this Spider guy was really gonna be like. Ari had filled her in more the night before, letting her know that his name was actually Miles but he preferred to be called Spider...where that nickname came from she wasn't sure, figuring it was something the Sully kids had dubbed him when they were little. The reason he preferred it was cause his dad's name was also named Miles, so...yeah. Speaking of his dad, she had told Lizzie that he was ex military as Neteyam had stated, having gone awol for awhile, so long that everyone thought he was dead. His wife had died not long after Spider was born and so with no father around, the Sully's took him in and raised him with their own kids. Then his dad popped into the picture a year ago and wanted to be part of Spider's life again...and Spider was nice enough that he gave him a shot at being a father. Lizzie honestly didn't know what she would have done in that situation, her own relationship with her father being strained due to him up and leaving when she was a kid, she hoped she would be as forgiving as Spider but she honestly wasn't sure.

"don't look too deep in thought, you'll get wrinkles" she heard a light laugh beside her, causing her eyes to shoot up and be met with Tsireya's dark ones.

"girl don't scare me like that" she laughed, while returning the hug that Tsireya happily gave.

"I'm sorry, I didn't mean to I swear. May I ask what you were thinking so hard about?" She asked with a head tilt as they fell into step.

"it's nothing really, I was just thinking over some of the stuff Ari told me about Spider...and his dad...it makes me think of my own family life I suppose" she shrugged.

"you never talk much about your family life, is it a lot like Spider's?"

"I suppose just the absent father part"

"Perhaps when the time comes, that is something you two may bond over"

"Ah yes shared trauma does bring people together" Lizzie laughed, causing Tsireya to giggle as well as they stopped outside of Lizzie's first class.

"Oh! You did bring the cookies for lunch right? My brother hasn't shut up about them since you posted that this morning" she smiled... Ao'nung hadn't stopped talking about them? Lizzie tried to push down the blush and slow her heart as the butterflies took off again.

"Y-Yeah I brought them" she nodded, hating how she stuttered, especially with the look Tsireya was giving her for it.

"ok, good, cause I would have to kill him if he didn't shut up I swear" she laughed again, before the warning bell rang.

"oh I better get going! See you at lunch!" She called out, already running to her class. Lizzie took a moment to take a deep breath, he mind racing and yelling at her to stop getting her hopes up, but she couldn't help replaying Tsireya's words, and Ao'nung's comment this morning about someone wifing her up. She quickly made her way into her class and looked around..huh...Spider wasn't here yet? Taking her seat she grabbed her book and notebook before watching the door, she hoped he wouldn't be too late, Mr.Mclanie hated when people were late.

Quickly tucking her phone back into her bag, Lizzie turned her attention to Mr.Mclanie who had turned to begin his lesson, when suddenly the door burst open, causing all eyes to fall on the slightly panting boy who walked into the room, the final bell ringing just as the door closed behind him.

"I take it you are Mr.Socorro" Mr.Mclanie scowled.

"Yes sir, sorry about that, don't know my way around yet" he apologized, before looking around the classroom, quickly spotting Lizzie and giving her a smile.

"Well I trust that you now know your way to the class, so do not be late again!" He dismissed Spider, and Lizzie watched as he cringed at the man's loud tone, before turning and making his way to her.

"Hi" he smiled, sitting next to her.

"Hi, don't worry about Mr.Mclanie, he's always like that"

"Great guy"

"Yeah I'm pretty sure if he had a colonoscopy they would find a stick that's been lodged up there for years" She told him, watching with a smile as he quickly tried to hide his laugh. After that they fell into a comfortable silence, something Lizzie was thankful for. She was honestly nervous about meeting him, she didn't do well with meeting new people, her anxiety was always on high around strangers and she didn't want to come across as the panicked weirdo to someone who had known the group far longer than she had. But Spider had a very chill aura to him, and it helped calm her nerves instantly. As the lesson dragged on the two shared a few more hushed jokes and quips, quickly hiding their smiles from Mr.Mclanie who kept eyeing them until the end of the class.

"so what is your next class?" Spider asked while holding the door for her.

"sadly, Math" she groaned, hating even speaking of the subject.

"ugh, I don't know which is worse, having the class early or later. Like early you get it done and over with, but it's also still too early to comprehend that crap"

"Exactly! Like my brain has not had enough coffee for this" she laughed.

"Now you sound like Kiri"

"coffee is something we in fact bonded over...so what is your next class?"

"History, at least Neteyam is in that class with me"

"there you go, Rotxo is in my math class"

"be sure to bug him for me" he laughed as the pair walked.

"Don't tempt me, he is fun to bug" she laughed back as they stopped in front of another hallway.

"well, this is where we part ways"

"until lunch" she nodded.

"yes! The cookies I almost forgot" he smiled.

"yup" she laughed while patting her bag, causing his eyes to look down at it, before looking up at her with a look that was both questioning and pleading.

"the others are going to kill you if they find out" she laughed, but reached into the bag and container and grabbed a cookie, handing it to him.

"they will never know, promise" he smiled happily biting the cookie, and stopping for a moment, looking at the cookie, then at her.

"are they bad or something?" She asked, suddenly worried, the tester one had tasted fine. She watched him smile just as the warning bell rang and he began to back down the hall.

"No, you definitely need to listen to Ao'nung though, the whole, watch it or someone is gonna wife you up" he laughed, quickly eating the rest of the cookie with a smile. Lizzie could only shake her head with a laugh as the boy quickly disappeared into the classroom, and she turned to make her way to her own.

Sitting down next to Rotxo, Lizzie could only shake her head at Ari's text.

"uh oh, that looks says that was Ari" Rotxo whispered, gesturing towards the phone.

"it was" Lizzie laughed.

"what about?"

"just wanting to know what I thought about Spider" she replied,deciding to leave out the other question so that Rotxo didn't get the wrong idea.

"so what is the verdict girlie?"

"he's really nice, and chill, I think he and I are gonna get along really well" she smiled at him.

"good, definitely don't want any rough waves in the group"

"No definitely not. So how was your weekend?" She asked, acting as if she knew nothing.

"Oh! Y-Yeah it was great, got to hang out at the beach with Lo'ak, Neteyam, Ari, and Kiri" he smiled at the memory.

"Ari wasn't too much of a handful was she?" She laughed.

"Na, course not, Lo'ak and Neteyam kept her occupied of course"

"more like she kept them occupied" they both chuckled before they turned their attention back to the teacher.

The rest of the classes went by fairly slowly, but at least she had a friend in every class. Ari pretty much interrogated her as soon as she stepped into their shared science class. Wanting to know why she hadn't answered her, and when Lizzie replied that the teacher had, in fact, walked in, Ari proceeded to ask her until Lizzie finally conceded and admitted that yes, Spider was a cutie.

"Now can we drop it?" Lizzie pleaded.

"Ok ok...Just wanting to know if there could possibly be a budding romance-"

"Ari"

"Listen, I know you like Ao'nung but-"

"Hello class!" Mr.Spellman entered the room, effectively cutting off their conversation. Mr.Spellman kept them busy throughout the whole class, between mixing chemicals that almost blew up a kid who definitely was not paying attention, to explaining WHY you had to do it perfectly, the conversation had all but died between the two girls. And as soon as the bell rang Ari was out, but Mr.Spellman kept Lizzie back.

"Ms.Mills I was wondering if we could talk for a moment"

"of course Mr.Spellman, what's up?"

"I know you and Mrs.Williams work very well as a two person team. But as you know every table here has at least three people on it"

"Yes sir"

"I'm going to be adding someone else to this class, I know this is an advanced class and it's the middle of the year but we have a spot open and he would do well here. I just wanted to let you know before I spung him on your table" he finished with a laugh.

"well thank you for the heads up" she laughed.

"may I ask who it is?" She added.

"Of course, Miles Soccoro, I've actually known him since he was a child. I worked with his mother and father for awhile, and also the family that pretty much adopted him in"

"The Sully's"

"You know them?"

"I'm friends with Lo'ak, Neteyam, and Kiri, I actually just met Spi-Er-Miles today" she smiled.

"Oh! Great! So no problems then?"

"None at all, can't wait to have him in the class"

"Good good, well hurry off to lunch, I'm sure Mrs.Williams is waiting on you" he laughed, causing the girl to laugh as well, it was more like Lo'ak waiting on the cookies.

"have a nice day Mr.Spellman!"

"You too Ms.Mills"

Sure enough, a little ways down the hall was Ari, leaned against the wall typing away on her phone.

"ok I'm here. He just wanted to let me know that Spider will be joining the class as our third at the table" she smiled.

"REALLY?" Ari grinned, quickly putter he phone away.

"yup, he'll be joining us tomorrow. Guess for now they had him in a different class until they could move him" Lizzie shrugged.

"I can't wait! But let's head to lunch, Lo'ak is getting antsy"

"I fuckin knew it" Lizzie laughed. As soon as the two entered the lunchroom it wasn't hard to spot their group, and as soon as Ari laid eyes on Spider.

"MY SPIDER!!!" She all but screamed before running at the boy and practically launching herself, wrapping her arms around his neck and legs around his waist. Luckily he was able to catch her, but that didn't stop him from stumbling a bit due to the force.

"It's good to see you too Ari" he laughed, placing her down and then giving her a tight hug back.

"Don't ever move away again! You're not allowed to!" She pouted.

"Yes ma'am" he smiled at her, before looking up as Lizzie approached.

"Hey" he nodded.

"Hello again, found the rest of your classes easier I hope?" she asked.

"I wouldn't say easier but, luckily I wasn't late to them" he laughed.

"That's always a good thing" she laughed back as they sat down, Lizzie sitting on the end with Spider and Kiri beside her, while Ari sat in between Lo'ak and Neteyam, who had seemingly brought her some McDonald's chicken nuggets and a Carmel ribbon crunch frappe.

"Ok mama" Lo'ak spoke, rubbing his hands together.

"You are insatiable when it comes to these" Lizzie laughed while pulling the container out of her bag and placing it in the middle of the table.

"That is for everyone" she stated as Lo'ak opened it, already grabbing four cookies.

"yeah yeah" he nodded.

"thank you" Neteyam smiled while grabbing a few.

"You spoil them" Kiri laughed while taking one.

"If this is how she spoils the group I'm really glad I came back" Spider laughed while grabbing a couple.

"You have another man to cook for now" Ari laughed.

"So many men and yet single. I call bs on that whole " a way to a man's heart is through his stomach" talk" she sighed.

"and here I thought it was through his third and fourth rib" Kiri shrugged, making Spider and Neteyam choke on their cookies.

"This is why I love you Kiri" Lizzie laughed.

"so where is Rotxo, Tsireya, and Fishlips?" Lo'ak asked, looking around.

"Rotxo said his and Tesirya's swim coach called them in for something" Kiri shrugged.

"Probably going over last minute things since the competition is coming up" Ari nodded, grabbing a cookie.

"probably, man the pressure they are under" Lizzie sighed

"it's tough, I couldn't do it that's for sure" Spider shook his head before digging into his lunch.

"I definitely give all y'all props that are on a team. I just could never" Lizzie said, looking over at Neteyam and Lo'ak since they were two of the school's best on the basketball team.

"You get used to it" Neteyam shrugged.

"No you get used to it when you have this complex that makes you wanna be the best" Lo'ak added, side-eyeing his brother.

"Do you want to be the best Neteyam? The best best?" Lizzie asked.

"Like no one ever was" Spider added, causing Lizzie to look over at him with wide eyes.

"what?"

"Oh my God shut up I didn't think anyone would get that reference" she laughed.

"how could I not?" He asked, laughing as well.

"Oh my fu-Now there are two nerds at this table" Lo'ak sighed, but you could see the smirk playing on his lips.

"hush, I think it's cute" Ari smiled.

"What's cute?" Another voice spoke up, as an arm reached between Spider and Lizzie to grab a few cookies.

"Spider and Lizzie are referencing Pokemon" Kiri stated.

"God I haven't watched that show in years" Ao'nung shook his head with a laugh.

"Will always be a classic though" Lizzie shrugged, looking up at Ao'nung, who hadn't sat down yet.

"definitely" he smiled.

"Are you gonna sit down or are you gonna stand there and look stupid?" Lo'ak asked, watching as Ao'nung flipped him off.

"as much as I would love to, I'd rather not waste Lizzie's cookies by upchucking cause of your face...beside I can't" he said while looking out towards the door.

"whatever dickhead" Lo'ak scoffed, reaching for another cookie.

"and why not?" Ari asked, looking at Ao'nung with a brow raised, a look that said she knew something, and the way the Ao'nung looked at her then away said she did.

"I just can't, but.." he started, reaching for another cookie, despite Lo'ak's protests.

"Thank you for these, delicious as always" he smiled at Lizzie, giving her a wink before heading off. Lizzie could feel her face warm at the action, sure Ao'nung was always the flirty type but there was something about that look, almost as if something was changing, changing between them perhaps...was he finally perhaps seeing her as a possibility, as something other than a friend?

"who's that?" Neteyam asked.

"I don't know" Kiri answered, and Lizzie found herself looking up at all of her friends, their eyes cast in the same direction, as she followed their gaze she felt her stomach drop, because there, clinging to Ao'nung's arm, was a beautiful girl, smiling sweetly at him. And Lizzie watched as he nodded before they both walked out of the lunch room. She wasn't sure how long she stated at the door, but when she turned back, all of her friends looked at her.

"fucking idiot" Lo'ak spoke, arms crossed as he leaned back in his chair.

"Lizzie" Neteyam started but the girl was already standing.

"I'm um...gonna get some air" she nodded, quickly making her way out of the lunch room and to the only place she knew she could hide... Mrs. Alkebulan's art class. The relationship she had with the teacher was parental in a way. Mrs.Alkebulan was like that with all her students, taking on the living mother role, even more so to any souls she thought needed help or comfort. From her dress that displayed not only her bubbly personality, but also her culture. To the way her words would ring out in her East African accent, wise words that always seemed to make you feel as if you were speaking with the universe itself. Right now, Lizzie needed that comfort.

"what is it dear?" Mrs.Alkebulan asked, as the girl stepped in, she knew it was lunchtime and she should be with her friends.

"I'm sorry to barge in...I just needed someplace away" Lizzie apologized, but the woman simply held up her ringed hand, bangles jingling as she moved.

"nonsense, I have told you many times, my class is your safe space, so come, tell me what is troubling you" she gestures towards the chair she pulled next to her. Lizzie nodded and sat down, confessing how she felt stupid for even thinking a boy she liked could like her back, how she should have known that he would always see her as a friend, but it didn't make it hurt any less, and how she wondered if she ever would find anyone.

"The heart is a complex thing my child, and I fear you are only tasting a pinch of it. You are not stupid for letting your heart feel, but we must not let our hearts run off unless we know they will be safe. The soul and heart are very similar in that way, our soul is us, our hearts are ours to give, but we must give it wisely. You can love with all you have my child, and I encourage you to do so, as often as you can. And when the time comes, which it will, they will be someone, who will protect your heart, who will treat it like the most precious jewel in the world, and in turn you must do the same for them. Then, you will find your true mate" she smiled.

"A true mate" Lizzie mused, she liked the thought of that, that somewhere out there was someone who was perfectly made for her...or at least would protect what was most precious to her"

"they are a once in a lifetime find indeed" the woman smiled before handing the girl some food.

"oh I don't want to take away your lunch" Lizzie protested.

"it's extra, I had a feeling today I would have company, so I wanted to be prepared" she replied with a kind smile, pushing the container towards her...Mrs.Alkebulan always did make the best food.

"So where is she?" Spider asked as he watched Ari sat down her phone.

"Art class"

"I had a feeling she would go there" Kiri nodded as Rotxo came to sit beside her, Tsireya taking Lizzie's spot beside Spider.

"Why art class?" Spider asked.

"Mrs.Alkebulan is kinda like a mother to all of us" Neteyam replied.

"I tried to tell her in Science but Mr.Spellman interrupted" Ari sighed.

"tell her what?" Rotxo asked, stealing some fruit from Kiri's lunch.

"On no" Tsireya gasped.

"Ao'nung was here wasn't he?"

"yeah and his little toy" Lo'ak scoffed.

"oh...Oh" Rotxo replied, everything suddenly clicking.

"So how long has she had a thing for him?" Spider asked.

"we're not really sure" Ari shrugged.

"Lizzie doesn't really talk about her feelings a lot" Neteyam added.

"She is frustrating in that way" Kiri added.

"As if you're one to talk" Lo'ak rolled his eyes, earning a grape being thrown at him.

"unrequited crushes suck though, especially if they've been going on for awhile" Spider nodded, reaching for another cookie, catching Neteyam and Lo'ak's eye, before he quickly looked away, he knew they knew he was speaking from experience.

"I just hope she'll be ok" Tsireya sighed

"Lizzie is a strong one, but the heart takes time to heal" Rotxo replied.

--

Lizzie was already scribbling away as she sat at her desk when she heard the other students begin to file in. Her mind replayed Mrs.Alkebulan's words as she sketched out ideas for a piece. But she soon felt arms around her neck and knew right away that it was Ari.

"I'm fine" she laughed, patting the girl's arms and feeling her let go before taking her seat beside her. She heard the chair on her other side move and turned to see Spider, Kiri sitting next to him and completing their little circle of desks.

"Hello" she smiled at them.

"I'm fine...really" she told Kiri when she caught the look she was giving her.

"what's that?" Spider asked, trying to change the subject for Lizzie's sake.

"Just some doodles hoping to maybe find one I like and turn it into a painting" she told him.

"can't wait to see it" he smiled at her, causing her to smile back.

"Ok class" Mrs.Alkebulan started

"Today's project is going to require you to look deep within" she started, looking around the room.

"You have heard the expression "Go to your happy place" yes?" She asked, looking around as everyone nodded.

"I want you to show me what that place looks like, and why it is your happy place" she smiled.

"You can use any sort of medium for this project, and don't worry if you don't finish it today, we can work on it tomorrow as well" and with that she gestured to everything and made her way back to her desk.

"Shall I get some paint for the table?" Kiri asked

"Yes please!" Ari smiled

"Sure" Lizzie nodded

"I can help" Spider said as he began to get up, but Ari beat him to the punch.

"I'll help, you sit!" And with that she and Kiri walked over to the paints.

"Demanding as always" he chuckled.

"That's Ari" Lizzie smiled, both of them turning at the sound of Kiri's phone vibrating on the table, the screen lighting up with a message, a message that the both of them were able to read before the screen went dark again.

"Hey, I really enjoyed the other day and was wondering if you maybe wanted to do it again sometime? Like this Friday? Dinner and a movie?-Rotxo"

Lizzie turned to look at Kiri who was still at the paints with Ari, but noticed that Spider was still staring at the phone, with a look that she recognized all too well at that moment.

'Oh no'

"Hey, are you o-"

"So when did that happen?" He laughed lightly, but Lizzie could tell it was a forced laugh.

"I'm not sure if anyone is supposed to know...I'm not sure if you can call it a thing honestly" Lizzie started, and was going to end it there, but when Spider's eyes met her she knew what he was feeling, so she continued.

"They hung out this past weekend and ended up going to dinner, that's all" She shrugged, but could still see the far away look in his eyes, and before she could stop herself, she reached out and grabbed his hand, giving it a light squeeze, and a slight smile when his eyes met hers. An unspoken conversation between them, one of knowing exactly how the other was feeling.

"ok, here is the paints" Ari stated as she and Kiri placed the pants on the table, Lizzie letting go of Spider's hand, but not before Ari caught it, but decided not to say anything.

"Ok, our happy place" Ari nodded, looking at the canvas in front of her.

"Happy place" Lizzie nodded, looking over at Spider, both of them now hidden behind the canvas that sat upon the small easels on their desks. Both of their shoulders slumped, the heaviness of their hearts painted across their faces as they looked at each other, and she watched as he mouthed something, and she knew exactly how he felt.

"Easier said than done"

Taglist @arianamhm

© to @luv4fandoms on tumblr; do not repost or steal

[blissfullybloomed]

Wisconsin. Came in a Reyna, left a Bloom. 

Today is August 12th, 2023. I have lived in Wisconsin for three years. Let's chat about how I got here, and how I am leaving…because it's a story and a half. Some of the details I will be sharing today, many of you do not know about, and for that I am sorry. 

I moved to Wisconsin by way of a promotion, worked two years to grab said promotion, and I was extremely excited to move out of South Carolina to make a lot of money. 

Even typing that feels gross. 

I ended up leaving South Carolina, leaving behind my husband at the time. Plans eventually changed on his arrival to Wisconsin. That's life. For all of you wondering, how in the heck i'm still very close friends with my ex-husband…..it wasn't easy, for either of us. We both had unfortunately come to the conclusion that we had wanted different things in life , and it was too different to continue walking the same path together. I still remember being in Kenosha, on the phone with him, agreeing that we had to tell the family. I don't remember who I called first; but I'm pretty sure it was either my papaw or mother. Regardless; after I made the calls- I completely just fell out. Literally fell to the ground, and curled up in a ball in my living room, and just wailed. Charles, you don't know this…but we did the same thing in that house. Slept on the floor…because nothing else felt comfortable. Not sober.  

When you have to face the fact that the person you married isn't going to be the person you continue to build with- it hits differently. I never wanted to be married in the first place. I didn't believe in marriage at all. My entire life was surrounded by cheating, promiscuous behavior, lies, and mistrust. Why would I trust it? Well …I trusted charles. So I figured what the hell. Let's do it. I still trust him. Crazy…because I almost left this earth twice, on purpose,  due to the broken marriage. I felt like I failed him, myself, and everyone around me. I had zero identity. I was no one. Nothing. Just an ex-wife. 

Why was I an ex wife? Because I wanted to do what I wanted to do and NO ONE was going to stand in my way…including him. All he wanted was children. He wanted to know what it was like to be a father, and hold my hand while I birthed a child for our family. That's what wives do right? That's what's supposed to be the next thing in life ... .but I didn't want that. I was still like 20 something...and had a lot I wanted to do with my life. I knew kids would be time and money. Charles would have slept in his truck…to make ends meet. Yeah, he is that guy. Incredible man. I have no idea how you waited so long for something you wanted. 

I wanted to go make a shit ton of money. Six figures. At that time in my life, I thought money was everything. That stemmed from not having a lot of anything as a child. Mom did what she could with what she had. Single mom, four kids. I can't imagine. 

Yeah, I used to be that girl- money hungry, and title obsessed. She was a mess. An absolute utter mess. I'm sorry Charles you knew that part of me, but thank you so much for loving me through it, and still loving me to this day. I now know what unconditional love actually is, and what it feels like. I want nothing but the best for you. Always. You will always be my biggest love, and biggest heartbreak. “A book on the shelf, to come back and read once in a while, and smile.” - Charles. Love you dude, and I'm sorry

Alright, moving on. 

So how do you overcome moving across the country, solo, new job, new boss, new apartment, no clue where wal-mart is, new doctors…new everything? You just do. Here’s the thing though…I didn't do it the healthy way…I tried to do everything all at once. I couldn't. I exploded. Literally blew up. 

I attended a riot in Kenosha during a very trying time for that city. That's where I put my energy. Pushing down a fence in front of the courthouse that I had filed for divorce in. About an hour later, and a tear gas canister…I was in a squad headed to the hospital for a traumatic brain injury. Three days. Concussion. Memory loss. All of it. Had my friend not picked me up off the sidewalk- I would have been trampled. I think I wanted to be trampled. Then the pain would have gone away. I was so angry. So freaking angry. I thought I had done so many things right in my life ... .and i didnt. I couldn't accept failure. I didn't know how. I knew my sisters would down on me for leaving the “perfect” husband. I had all these thoughts in my head that I was no longer going to be around anymore. No one wanted me. Not even the man I trusted , and married. 

After the riot, I decided I needed to be put on anxiety medication. I went to the doctor, he prescribed Lexapro. With new meds…it took 6 weeks for it to kick it. The next three months were absolutely insane. So what does a newly single woman do that's heartbroken? She gives herself to people. To feel some sort of attachment. Anything. I ended up getting a UTI so bad I had to go to the doctor. Brace yourself for this one. 

The doctor's visit was another incident…two weeks after the riot. I ended up getting put in the back of a police car because I couldn't control myself, when the doctor said they couldn't just give me meds to take the UTI away. I was caught on camera reaching over the counter trying to grab the nurse behind the plastic guard telling her to just write the damn prescription. I still remember the look on her face. She was like who the hell is this chick? She was also terrified, and that made my heart. I was so in my own world, that I didn't care about anyone else. I do not remember reaching over the counter. At all. Shit was crazy. For a long time. Crazy is an understatement. 

Guess what? Work life was fantastic though! I was #1 in the country for revenue growth year over year. Jesus. What a soul sucking career. That place took my soul, threw it around for a few years, and spit me out. I left that career when my boss came to me and told me , “Your head isn't in it anymore Vic, I'm at a crossroads.” I left before he could fire me. I had moral issues with that career at a certain point, plus with everything else going on in my life at the time…it was time to go. I called my friend Chris, and told him I was sorry for letting him down. I let someone else down that cared about me. I was done dude. Just done. 

I cashed out my 401K, and lived on that for four months. Took time for myself. 

I had to figure out who I was, and what I wanted. 

Well I found it. I wanted a serene atmosphere, where customers don't complain,and I had no moral qualms with- Massage Therapist. So I decided to grab a job as a Concierge-Towel Girl at a resort known for looking like the resort off of Dirty Dancing. The Osthoff Resort in Elkhart Lake, Wisconsin. Oh, the Osthoff. I had a wonderful ten months working there- lost 65 pounds and gained several friends. They offered tuition reimbursement and a position with them for three years. It was a no brainer. I took it, and decided to go to Massage School. 

Blue Sky School of Professional Massage and Bodywork in Grafton, WI was where I landed after a very good interview with the owner. I knew this was where I was supposed to be, I could feel it. The program was 11 months all in, and hella expensive. I had also decided to take Yoga Teacher Instructor, and Open Water Diver Certification….all at the same time. My sister-in law may say I was cycling again ...keeping myself busy with distractions…to avoid the real issue. She was 100% right. I didn't know how to work on myself yet. School taught me how to love myself. The universe has a very funny way of working…putting you in situations that will test you on every angle, and allow you to come out okay in the end. 

Coincidentally enough, massage school gave me my heart back. I figured out how to love, how to accept, how to value myself, how to give goodness to others, and how to trust the process. I learned about Chakras, traditional Chinese medicine, cupping, reflexology, muscle testing…etc. My biggest lesson from school: How to love again. Really love. Not just because they meet certain qualifications. Love them for them. Love me for me. Love all the faults and all the good. Being able to do this with the RIGHT people has been a lesson in itself…hence why I am happily single and thriving. I mean you’re reading this blog….this shit it deep yo. 

Wisconsin, you have been incredible. I thought life was over. 

It's just getting started. 

I bloomed. 

[bloodnok91]

So I’m starting a new dnd campaign. It’s a 3.5 edition open world one, set in the kingdoms of kalamar setting. Mainly because I’ve got like, a fucking atlas for that setting and the main book is insanely detailed. It’s an older setting with an older system, should make for the older school game I’m aiming for.

But the reason I mention it here is I want to rant about something in one of the supplements. We ended up using the character background generator found in the kok player’s primer and goddamn. I cannot recommend this thing enough. It adds family history, a few nearby relatives, the status of your parents and any siblings, and a handful of childhood and adolescent events. It doesn’t get too invasive by determining like, your relationship with anyone there, and it’s all pretty ignorable if you want. But as a DM I think it’s a goldmine of potential plot hooks and roleplay opportunities.

One of my players ended up with a deaf sister who expresses herself through sculpture, a brother who joined a death cult, and a dead father who had been a member of a secret society (I’m gonna make him think he was an agent of a nearby pro slavery religion, and then have it turn out he was working for the anti-slavery religion. Simple but effective). Another player, an elf, ended up with a ton extended family members who all seem to have great achievements in their name, and a grandmother who’s important in local politics. So suddenly his character (who’d already ended up shorter than average with lower stats than most of the party) has a life long inferiority complex he’s decided to roleplay. Even the guy who really doesn’t roleplay at all ended up with a mother who went missing and was possibly sighted as undead, so even if he doesn’t want to interact with it (mainly due to it not being his skill set) it’s coming for him anyway.

Anyway, I put it under the cut because I love this thing. There's a lot of setting specific stuff like fantasy human ethnicities, but I trust you can figure out your own equivalents or ignore it.

[the-firebird69]

This guy John remillard is a complete complete absolute fag and he's a loser saying fag things, and he's a problem he started all this and Dave Odette figured it out it's a lot deeper and people are going for it now to Tennessee to find out what it is so they can nail him.

It's his Achilles heel and the girl reads it and leaves and she tells people cuz our son says you have to tell people he knows it's you and they'll have to do something and she said you know what it says I've been saying it out loud over here and over here people haven't put it together but they will from dave not me. Her sense of said the last three lines it's absolutely true people will listen to him and they're going to and they're going to fire the a****** and he's going to go down. By that letter it's actually what does it to him and this other stuff we've released and we're taking over more companies tonight overseas same kind of companies gas oil and tons of them and hotels and large property companies are ours overseas and taking over small ones and we're also taking over the rest of the hospitals and we are signing off on all of those coming up in the next couple days overseas and here domestically there's a ton of work to be done and we're wrapping it all up huge companies are coming in and the max can't handle it they are over text I was just a retards no foreigners are coming in and they can't handle it and the clones are attacking and it's over with the Camino they have plenty of stuff and they're buying arms. And they're going after people who are saying stupid s*** like that to our son this is back as you're completely useless we're not going to sit here and waste away to nothing like you we have to do things and your limited intelligence is not allowing you to understand anything you basically don't want to so you're going to be flushed with your a****** father and you're a f****** jerk by the way like I don't know stupid it's very stupid people are looking at. Looking for an informant is right there. Just trying to cause chaos he actually straightened everything out everyone's taking the blame for him really is Tommy have constantly and he's getting his ass kicked he sees a little but not enough for him to shut up just like John real lord and Dave and company said them up to and he set up mac and Florence it's all in there we know all about it and we had to have it

Trying to remember this beginning construction on his restaurant in Japan and emporium tomorrow and it begin collecting spice from Godzilla lizards and more and famous ones and he's going to be this huge a****** cuz it turns people into massive idiots and we are going to take him down using that too. Right now we have five orders for all the materials on the cathedrals and he wants to order a light cycle race way center and says he wants it all new and so we can't do that and we said we can do that if he builds the raceway and it will send the plans now and then we'll send all the stuff I said you might not be able to put it in and he said okay and our stuff is not to sit there and said we get that so all of a sudden you said I'm going to build it and it started building it so he's got the track going and wants his track is up we'll start sending parts of it he put some in we send the next part and the sequential and he's going to be amazed by what it looks like and will send him the building plans and everything that he needs up front well he's going to have to trust and obey. It'll work I spent to be used to race them and they can't refuse a challenge is what I found out and from you they won't everyone has to do it it's kind of not hard that looks like John reward son Dan it's got broken ribs I was looking forward so child there so it's Tom Cruise. It's not him it's this airplane thing in the movie it's a weird dude weird thing actually and that's the girl from John remillard's movie that more or less leads them up there after he's kidnapped so he kind of needs her leads him up there too and that's the girl I rescued from the Nazis and then concentration camp answer she got kidnapped after I was hiding her Heidi so they hadn't saved her.

As I said we have two no three cathedrals ordered and they're installing the foundations one is in Norway the second one would think is in Japan and it is. And yes Justin is heading it up and a sentence transporting that song over to him it's magic oh oh it's magic and Hera is mad just a little it says she's just got her more points everybody relax I've got a lot of money somewhere and one of her enemies I guess is going to collect it so I might get some to get to her see if she wants to move again just shut up and don't try and get me stuff from there and I agree he says okay so we're back to the show why am I here hell yeah I must have my contract Sherry can't die.

Japan is a yes and gibberish came out and so a third location and smart people might say they talked about New York City. And for some reason if her son talks about it it might suddenly appear there but really it's because he talked about it and people started talking about it there and it's also three major locations for this type of facility one would think Los Angeles and one would think San Diego that that's not like New York Japan or Norway the area our son is thinking of next is something that only a few might invest in like Mac or Ben Arnold and Trump who's a that case, and we request the restaurant there but you can promote the church and try and get his people in that's fine you might have to use someone else's body by Tommy f is sitting in front of him we think or is that Luke Skywalker could be a just about anybody at this point. So the point is San Francisco is mentioned and Mac is going to donate and they want to slow down until they build a few due to not knowing the reaction and so forth and we are introducing a chapel version. And the chapel version would go into the main part of the city as a prelude to what you would encounter in the cathedral.

And yeah they're beginning construction tomorrow on the foundations and they are huge but they have the equipment and they can build it effectively and efficiently very quickly and it takes roughly a day and a half for them to dig it out and place it and they have stuff they can leave in place and they showed an example now but they do have just they're really just walls they leave them in and it's going to go fast they have big walls that they're putting in and they're all precast they pull together and it's going to be an incredible day because there's going to be so many spectators it's not even funny and they didn't plan to do this but our son is asking Justin if he wants to put a presentation together and he can repeat the presentation and do like a little preaching and put up some huge screens and take donations and turn it around from a possible riot hate thing into a religious service and outdoor service and informational session and hand out pamphlets and leaflets and find out who is actually the same religion and read from scripture and our son would suggest it but then that would be somewhat inappropriate.... He does suggest a few verses and one is Revelations of course and they mentioned the beast and what the beast is why God put it there and what it means if you worship the beast and the penalties and why and there's there's a few other verses but that's really a prelude and the religion in the Protestant religion represents that and it does talk about it it is why they have such a strange looking Church and they promote capturing them and disabling them and so forth and we have our own angle. And a little short girl tried Prilosec and it worked and she took only a pill every other day for 3 or 4 days and stopped said it works and then she did it a little again and then I'll stop and makes her heart go nuts yeah.

So there may be a fourth Church and there may be more and it's up to Justin really and he's trying to get them ordained as we speak and he's got an Entourage that has to go there tomorrow to the Vatican and it's going to be something Thompson they make a contract has to be endorsed and they like our sons Idea but have more so he has to talk to him like before the event which would be tomorrow so we're going to get together on it pretty quick probably tonight which is a day what's tomorrow over there and he's going to have to fly over and he's going to go ahead and do that he says he thinks it's very good and the Vatican has some locations people requested and they're going to go ahead and do it and we're going to build more and we're going to get them in and start construction on the product and deliver it and their going to install it. Trying to remember Lord changed his mind and wants to use the existing raceway and we told him it's not big enough she wants to enlarge it and we said the track is outdated and might mess up the tires and said who cares and he said just go over it I guess and it's not a bad idea or sun says because it's probably his own for it and approved for it in the planning board and others won't have to be approached as much and that's why it's the smart thing to do so it's a flat part of the course and the rest we redesign and he agrees and he's going to submit the plans for renovation it's a small course it's only about a mile around so in front of you it's only like a little bigger than a quarter mile it's like a third of a mile it's just not that big like a thousand it's like 1,300 ft or something so the length of a big Chinese vessel it's big enough but it's not big enough for this it's really NASCAR track. And the rest of the track might get taken to the United States and Matt wants to buy the portion being taken out and the stands and John remillard wants to know how much and he says it's our first light track sort of hours and he's agrees cuz they haven't built one and Johnny Lord I mean Tommy f has not built either. So sending the plans and we know which one and we are drawing it up now and he's actually sent us a design fee he sent a contract and preliminary sketches she said wow they're doing it already and it took a while like an hour and he said these people are very fast and we sent them the final look of the trying facility he said I have to do this now and he has some smaller tracks and he's using the gear and the Tron game and people want to use bikes and motor now motorcycles so I got these small sport bags out there like 125s from China or something and they go like 80 and people can't stand it it's so much fun so he's going to open it it's an amusement and and have people wear the gear probably make a fortune if you can go bigger but that's something is going to learn the hard way tomorrow and have to move it to New Zealand. And his track is in Australia that's a good idea cuz they can't refuse a challenge and he tried it and it works. It's going to be a great day

Thor Freya

You bet we're all involved there's a religious matter it's the breaking ground on a brand new concept and idea and right on time and what you guys said about the other thing is working and BG led the way and people are after him and said he's a spaz it said we don't know what's going on. It happened last year the same way same comment. It's really picking up the pace it's moving fast and things are happening. What's happening and she's saying it that there are people moving out there now they're trying to get there trying to sense trying to send things and they're going to be very frustrated this plane is too big it's happened before but 10 years ago he says oh that explains it

Olympus

We're going to publish now people want to see what this is all about and it's about religion that exists and it is concentrating on the beast and Revelations and it has a lot of pertinance and Justin is going to do it and it's right up his alley.

Hera

this is a great moment in history and for me and Hera because what kind of came up with this concept and even though there's a religion that kind of is based on it it is not this intense and not just being and not this grave and not just visible and it's nowhere near as awesome it is a secretive Church that John real Lord came up with but the regular church is about the beast and how it should be denied or controlled and stopped and it is part of the Bible actually and part of what was written on purpose. And we know what's actually going on. It should shed light on the clones as well and that's why tomorrow will be very important and Justin should make note that Max should be called they will oppose this facility with a lot of gusto

Zues

Actually true and we're prepping too

Olympus

God it has to do with them again

Pope current one yes me the Italian nope still here Tommy f ok

Nope not ok we stop you fools before you ruin us ok ok can't see i see

Tommy f

We use this now

Thor Freya

Oh God it's him I'm hurt critically

Trump

[a-glimpse-of-fantasy]

The Heist - Part 11

This is a fanfiction game which starts here

You can find the previous chapters here: 1 2 3 4 5 6 7 8 9 10

Or you can refer to the dedicated hashtag ^^

***

English isn't my first language so please spare me for any grammar mistakes🙈

Breathing hard, deep as I could, I racked my brain, looking for a way to get Jake to talk about his past. Where should I start? From this Mark Willow?

I was scared. Scared to know what stories his past held. Jake himself stated that Mark Willow was a man who’d do anything to get his work done. And obviously, he was an evil man.

How in the world did someone like that become Jake’s mentor? Does that mean Jake himself was working with him in the past? Doing evil stuff?

I took a deep breath, calming my heart, thumping anxiously. ‘Let’s trust him. Jake is the man I love. If I don’t trust him…who else will?’ I chanted in my head, taking his rough, wounded hands into mine.

“Jake. I…really didn’t want to pry into your past….” It was harder than I thought; how could I get him to talk without hurting his feelings?

I was too naive. For Jake, his past was painful, whether Jake himself was good or bad. ‘Let’s do this quickly. Let’s not get emotional. Be rational. Rational…’

“I tried my best not to. But I can’t, not anymore.” His eyes trembling, Jake stared right into my eyes. He knew.

He knew for sure what I was going to ask next.

“MC-I-I’m sorr-” I held my finger on his lips, interrupting him. An apology was the last thing I wanted to hear from Jake. My heart ached whenever Jake would apologize or look at me apologetically. Besides, they couldn’t bring us anywhere.

“Jake. Stop saying sorry and tell me. Please, I think I deserve to know that much.” As my grip on his hands strengthened, his head fell further. Jake was unable to look me in the eye.

This was something I had noticed in the past as well. Jake tends to declare his opinion and leave without giving me a chance to argue. Well, not anymore.

“How did you meet him? How did he become your mentor? What sort of work did you do together? I have tons of questions for you.” Hearing him sigh heavily, I cupped his cheeks in my palms, gently raising his head to face me. “You told me that you were one of the good guys. I could tell that as I worked with you to find Hannah too.” I kissed his forehead, to which he stiffened up, “And I believe everything you said. Jake, I believe you.”

--------------------

“Jake, I believe you.”

Those words were the words he desperately wished to hear four years ago. He wanted someone to believe him, that he never had any ill will. That everything he did, was for a good reason.

But why was he hearing those words from this woman? She didn’t even know him at that time. She knew nothing about what kind of a person he was before they met.

Yet this woman convinced him.

He had to tell her everything. For once, he ‘wanted’ to share his part of the story.

Licking his dried-up lips, Jake cleared his throat. “I first met master while I was in the final year in the uni. My friend Kyle and I used to develop programs for fun. We sometimes entered competitions as well. Kyle nor I had great financial situations. So we used to split up the prize money. That year, we won an international competition.”

She nodded lightly to let him know that she was listening. “Many well-known companies offered us jobs after that. So we chose the best one out of them. Just as we graduated, we were hired, and the paycheck was also high. We thought…” A lump in his throat swallowed his voice. Remembering the past…was much harder than he imagined, especially with all the tragedies that fell upon them afterward. "-that all our misfortunes was over." After a pause, he continued.

“Master was our supervisor at the company. He was a great man who was very skilled as well. I always respected him, though he eventually became my hero.”

--------------------

Jake’s eyes kept reddening as he continued. “Maybe I considered him a father figure. You know…” He said, a faint smile on his haggard face, “For kids, their father is their hero. But for me…I grew up never knowing who my father was. I only found out by chance.”

My heart sank. Though he was Hannah’s and Lily’s father, Jake’s father had never seemed to have considered Jake as his son. I wanted to go to Duskwood at once and kick him, at least once.

But this was not the time to get emotional. Be rational.

“One day, master told us a secret, me and Kyle. He was a vigilante. He would hack into government officials’ computers and reveal their corruptions. Even some well-known companies were shut because of his work. I believed he was like a modern-time Robin Hood.”

"Kyle didn’t want to get involved, but I did. Unlike Kyle, I didn’t have a family to protect, so it felt alright for me to take a little risk.”

“So you worked together with him as a vigilante as well?” I asked, to which he nodded, confirming.

“We meddled in many things, especially in government affairs. Corruption was everywhere. I was disgusted with people while my respect towards master only increased day by day. Then one day, Kyle called me in the middle of the night. He seemed to be in a hurry. He told me, ‘Master was not the man you believe him to be. He is deceiving you so he can use you.’ He hung up and disappeared since that day.”

“Disappeared?!” I exclaimed. Jake nodded. He seemed to have gotten more calm and collected.

“Soon, I found out what Kyle meant. Master’s real job was to work for other organizations to bring down the power of the other companies. A gap in the hierarchy will appear whenever high officials or powerful companies are brought down. Those people would fill them. Master even worked for foreign governments, sometimes even leaking the national security data.”

Why Jake was so persistent in not trusting anyone was clear now. His father figure betrayed him; of course, he wouldn’t want to be betrayed again.

“I tried to expose him then. But before I could, the FBI suddenly came to arrest me. I managed to run away, then found out later that master had exposed me. After that, for four years, I tried my best to find Kyle. He seemed to know something. But there were no traces of him at all. Apparently, he had moved out with his mother and sister. His trail was cut off from there.”

Jake leaned forward, tightly gripping my hands. His eyes seemed to plead. “Master always sees one step ahead. MC, even now, he must be planning to kill us and I-” His lips trembled, Jake was stressed, and he looked so helpless. Helpless for me. “I am honestly not confident in protecting you. So please-”

Jake’s plea was cut off by a loud sound in the living room. Jake immediately moved in front of me, guarding me against any harm.

@geocait0815  We are starting again from you...

Next Chapter

[athanasius-symposium-of-writings]

Running Up That Hill (A Deal With God)

Chapter Ten

Warnings: talk about love, talk of DID (reader google it and is like "i know nothing, elaborate")

Chapter Nine | Chapter Eleven

The reddit thread, you have been too busy to check up on as of last, updated with tons of photos. Two different Phantoms in white spotted in different places outside of England. Everyone in the thread is freaking out! The pictures are clear, the videos brutal. It has brutal as some of the Ghost Rider and Punisher videos.

At one point reddit started flagging the videos because of how guresome the Phantom in White who wears more black than white is. The all white wearing one is brutal but it usually just people getting the hell beaten out of.

And you are missing all of it.

Currently you are trying to pick an outfit to wear as if Steven cares about what you wear. He calls you beautiful no matter what but you wanted to be extra beautiful for him. Plus, dad is letting you have him over without a parent around! It's a real shocker given his rules, he said you have trust and you know how to break someone's arm so might as well be a bit lax on rules.

He still says no to having sex in the house! A dad moment to not want to know you are that grown.

You decide to wear sundress. There's a red one your friend says makes you look hot, figure might as well give it a try.

Steven’s shift will be over in an hour. You cleaned the flat, your room, dad locked his room, you got some menus of vegan places, and praying this conversation is not weird. The "I'm secretly married with five kids" weird! Seriously, Steven Grant is a catch! Who wouldn't want to date a wonderful man like that? Or at least, how the British say it, shag the guy. You feel lucky.

Steven told you how lucky he feels to have you, how amazing you are, his love is endless; it scared you. Your parents when you were a kid were the template for how love is supposed to be. Fights. Crying. Pretend everything is okay. When they divorced, you assumed love was temporary. Temporary as life. Therapy helped show you love is nothing like what parents had.

Love is kind, love is patient.

You… Didn't believe it. Between your parents' failed marriage, your friends' failed relationships, and what you see in day to day; love seems more like Aphrodite being a bitch rather than actual love.

So far, Steven is good. Better than good. Equally as inexperienced and willing to learn along the way through this relationship.

Relationship.

You stare at the clock a few times on your phone.

You are in a relationship. Hand holding, kissing, talking, lots of love. Actual love.

*

Steven has seen the flat you live with your father before, though he was stuck in the kitchen in darkness save for a lamp light on his face as your father questioned him. The "what is your intentions with my child" sort of questions followed by "Age, name, occupation, have you ever committed a crime before". Terrifying.

Your dad is at work and all the lights are on, it has a very homey feel in here.

"I bought you this." Chocolates and a bottle of mango smoothie mixed. You liked making sweets and shakes when you got bored.

"Aw," Kissing his cheek before putting them away."

Steven stood in the living room glancing around (rather at you in the short red sundress, it flows as you turn or crouch down).

You return to him making an open arms gesture with a huge smile on your face, "Welcome to my humble abode! We have a rug, a couch, a table, a television, and if extra spicy we sometimes use the ceiling fan! Magic~!" Pulling on the chain of ceiling turning it on. "What do you think?" Jazz hands.

"Truly the marvels of modern technology are captured completely within this flat!" Clapping. "Amazing." He is equally goofy as you showed him around. Not much to show given it has the same layout as his flat only with parts closed off into two rooms. Smaller living space, two person kitchen, and your bedroom is covered with posters of superheroes.

He knew you liked them but he hadn't expected this.

Shameless and proud fan right here, "This is Ghost Rider. He rides a motorcycle and he is a crazy bringer of Justice. This one is the Amazing Spider-Man! A photographer took this picture of him when he wore the black suit." Pointing out each poster you have.

"No Avengers?"

"Overpriced and kinda overhyped. Like Hulk and Cap but not much else. They were popular during my high school years. Oh, this guy is uh don't laugh we ain't got a name for them yet." The sketches of the people in white all around the wall of your desk with other pictures from random places you drew. "We call him 'Phantom in White… I said don't laugh!"

"Sorry, sorry, love," Marc is screaming and Jake is saying a dirty joke in Spanish, "I knew you loved your hero stuff but to see it is something else."

"Bad or good something?" Nervous as fiddle with the bottom of your dress.

"Cute. A very cute something." Steven takes your hand holding it in his, "Which one do you like? Looks like a couple of outfits they have." Examining each picture with interest. You did amazing!

"Suit and tie," You point out the one you drew a full body view of him (you have no idea). "Sucker for a person in a suit and tie."

Steven is positively beaming hearing you say that.

"A couple of people on this thread on reddit post anything and everything they can about this person. Also a lady with bird wings. She looks straight out of Assassin's Creed if you ask me." He follows you out of your room returning to the living room. "You would like the game!" Sitting down across from him while you talk. It's not one sided, even if he is trying to find a way to give you this talk.

It's quiet soon. You sit there tugging lightly on your short dress regretting not putting shorts under it. Steven is figuring out his words with Marc and Jake in his mindscape.

"(Name)."

"That's me the one and only, haha… Sorry." Nervous.

He gives you a soft lopsided smile. "What do you know about dissociative identity disorder?"

"I'll tell you in one sec." You pull out your phone from your dress pockets (a wondrous thing!). You clear your throat, "A disorder characterized by the presence of two or more distinct personality states. Dissociative identity disorder, previously called multiple personality disorder, is usually a reaction to trauma as a way to help a person avoid bad memories." You blink then look at him, "That's it. Why?"

With a deep breath and with as much courage he can borrow from the others, he explains everything they are willing to let you know.

When he finishes his heart is racing as if trying to run out of his chest.

You are thinking about what he told you. Thinking about it with a stern expression. "Uh, so Marc is you and the original and Tío Jake is another personality?"

"Yes." Wait, why is Jake called tío?!

"None of them would hurt me?"

"No, never!" Panicked.

"Okay, cool."

"... Really?" It can't be that easy.

"Listen, I ain't got no idea truly what DID means or what to do. But I do know I'm a decent person who has my own trauma and not going to freak out cause someone else handled theirs a different way. We have been doing fine so far and the others are cool… This explains the whole thing with Marc!"

"He's sorry about that."

"Good. Don't really want a Jem and Holograms moment."

He doesn't know that reference.

"And Steven, I appreciate you opening up to me like this." You touch his hand as you move to sit beside him. There's a difference in his body language you had not realized or maybe it's your imagination yet he seems relaxed. He had not wanted to become serious without letting you know his "baggage" as Marc bluntly put it. The last thing he wanted to do is take your virginity and midway Jake or Marc slip in front. Or you wake up to one of them. Or anything! Steven's fingers intertwined with yours, his head on your shoulder.

"Why is Jake called tío?"

"Pft, cause he literally has the same vibes like those novella uncles who killed someone! Cool but God, scary." Laughing a little, "Marc too but he just has the military guy vibes." Bringing his hand up to your lips.

The rest of the evening you both enjoyed each other's company. Ordered vegan take out. You would ask questions and Marc would front at times, you appreciated the explanation given you kinda understood nor knew what to expect.

"Does that mean he's my boyfriend too? Both of them?"

"N-no, we live our own lives taking turns," Steven talking with a mouth full of General Tso's chicken but made from cauliflower (sounds weird but really good!). "Unless otherwise."

"Otherwise as in?"

"If they love you too." He isn't looking at you when he says the last part.

"Okay," You don't like the idea of another person banging your boyfriend's body but don't want to control them cause they are their own person-ish. "Okay." You are gonna need a second to get used to that. "Makes sense."

As long as you have Steven, that's all that really matters.

"... Would they be open?"

"Would you?"

Lots of learning in this relationship.

[space-blue]

Question because I’m lowkey curious, do you believe that Vander’s issues and mistakes are largely overlooked by fans because he’s the “good guy?” And while Silco does have a lot of fans, he also has a good amount of haters in the fandom and do you think that’s “unfair” (for lack of a better term)?

Hello Anon! What a good question, thank you for trusting me with it... although I don't think I can speak for the fandom as a whole, I can certainly tell you what rattles in my skull.

I think mostly the fandom at large is not interested in deep dive analysis, or even capable of it — which is not an insult, plenty of people enjoy shows and fandom content without ever engaging with film critical theory of any sort, or even make their own opinionated meta. Many fans are happy to just be fed theories by meta creators, or have a general perception and don't seek out contrary content.

And then, if you don't spend a lot of time decorticating Vander, Silco, Zaun, reading into the implication of single lines of dialogue later on, discussing the show with other people who might point out stuff you missed, etc. it's hard not to just be satisfied with "Vander is a genuine Good Guytm" because the show certainly is happy to let you get away thinking that.

Media at large condones a LOT of violence. Vander's use of lethal force, threat, and coasting on a killer's reputation is absolutely nothing in the eyes of some "good guy hero shit" we see being pulled by some people.

James Bond? John Wick? Fuck, look at Finn in Star Wars, who gleefully kills a ton of troopers without ever stopping to think—even after it was established they're all poor brainwashed orphans, his colleagues until very recently.

Finn has a higher on-camera body count than Vander does!

And Vander is mostly seen through his children's eyes, for whom he's become a true father figure.

On top of that, he's got those big fat centrist inertia energies about him. He's mister Status Quo. Gotta do nothing in either direction, wait until I got no choice, chose the lesser of two evils, etc.

That makes him feel very measured in a world that revolves around incredible political extremes. On a passive first watch, this may seem like the nice guy thing to do.

All this adds up.

On the other hand Silco LOOKS like a villain, talks like a villain, slow claps like an asshole, condones the killing of kids because they chose to get involved without any visible remorse...

Vander seems brighter next to Silco's shadows.

What baffles me is how people don't start doubting the narrative they're being presented when Silco has his PTSD attack when Vander clamps around his throat. It becomes pretty clear that Vander was once a monster, and his betrayal of Silco is what created, well, the "monster Silco" we meet in act I. [Alexa, play The Monster You Created]

They're both shades of grey, and one might have lightened while the other darkened. It's not even subtext. It's flat out said and shown. That's the point where I think tepid takes like "Silco had it coming" and "Vander was doing everyone a service by drowning him" are dropping the ball and being lazy with their "analysis".

I don't think it's unfair that Silco has haters. I love him for his ideals and goals, because he's a champion of the poor and destitute. He's taking the burden of committing extreme violence against an abusive government that will not yield any other way, and would kill him for it. He sacrifices his entire life to this work. But I also love him for being an asshole, and the sort of man who'll make a mountain of corpses to climb up to his goal. He's flawed and very human, defined by his trauma. He's as yummy as a poptart.

But if you're not into revolutionaries, if you think the ends never excuse the means, if you think him loving Jinx is still detrimental to her and her growing up in a shitty Zaun orphanage would still be better for her, or that #PiltoverDidNothingWrong, then yeah, Silco would have very few redeeming qualities lol

Between his extremism and his appearance, it's very easy to make his final encounter with Vander be very black and white. The show literally pulls the rug from under your feet on the Vander-Silco dichotomy minutes before the stabbing and choking! And you've projected along with the kids and seen Vander as a Good Dad for 3 episodes! Silco killing him while he's defending his one surviving child won't exactly help.

Overall I don't think fandom overlooks Vander's faults because he's painted as a good guy, but rather because fandom doesn't scratch at that paint too much. It's easier to dismiss the shades of grey, and you don't have to think about Vander much in act II or III.

Arcane as a show is also a rather depressing, despite how pretty it looks, so I can see how appealing it would be to cling to any "nice" character. They're few and far between.

I mean, there's literally not a SINGLE named and voiced character who can't be made out to be some shade of asshole, outside of like, Sky (and maybe Thieram)!

But yeah, I'm generally not bothered. I think we'll see a ton more takes on Vander when he shows up as a cursed furry serial killer and potentially breaks Vi's heart and whatever is left of Jinx's sanity. I'm looking forward to *that*.

There are lots of valid good takes for Vander, portraying him in varying shades of grey. I think another reason we don't see a lot of stuff outside Good Guy tm is that he's so "minor" compared to the other main characters, and not exactly involved in any popular ship. (No shade of my fellow Vanco lovers, we're still well into rarepair territory)

So yeah. Waiting on the furry army in season 2 to get started on the real hot Vander discourse ( •̀ ω •́ )✧