#having so many thoughts abt jacob

[depvotee]

I having too many thoughts abt Jacob that i need to bite something

[rocks-in-my-vodka]

lestat is the most glorious morally grey character in modern media rn and here’s why :

he is literally the vampire ever.like ever. every mythical creature, when stripped of its feathers and stage makeup (as in exaggerated monstrous behaviour to incite fear in humans as a form of enjoyment or just to create lore) at its heart reveals a mirror to humanity’s worst qualities. it’s rotten humanity’s most bent out of shape behaviours given a fantastic name, put in the body of folklore passed down centuries, ideas that we as people still cannot escape, we are just as fascinated by vampires and zombies and werewolves now as we were 500 years ago and it’s truly because ( and i’ll talk abt vampires here specifically) vampires are everything a normal human would like to be but as all things it can only be achieved by a complete perversion of our “moral ideals”, a rejection of morality and humanity. and lestat is a diva at playing this part

like think abt it. you’re a vampire. you will never die, you will be young and youthful, you will have strength beyond belief, you will have the ability to create (fire) from nothing, super speed, flying, all fantastic things humans themselves work tirelessly to achieve. but at the cost of what? you must sustain yourself on the blood of others, thus, you must consider your own self more deserving to live than the mortals, you must decide daily that you are more important, you matter infinitely more, that the people who were once your brethren are now simple prey, there for you to literally drain the life out of, who else can make this choice of whose life matters more than others’, other than some kind of a god? everything around you will change, you will remain, the eternal witness, the immortal hunter, a living juxtaposition of a savage creature who hunts like an animal for blood and at the same time a narcissist who thinks itself above mortals. and lestat is exactly this. he is a walking contradiction and yet you will believe everything he claims because it is all true, because he has a thousand lifetimes stored in him, because these creatures have worn a hundred skins and a million faces, at what point do you forget where your skin begins and your mask ends? where lestat the young actor began and lestat the devastated, angry, jealous lover ended?

and yet everything he says is true. when he tells you he would murder you in cold blood while you sleep, it’s true, when he tells you he loves you more than anything in the world, it’s true. he contains multitudes, contradictions get neutralised inside him like nebulas colliding. as a vampire, you get to do the one thing that, as a mortal, eats you alive from the moment you are born, and that is : meet your maker. when you’re born as a human, you can only imagine your maker, hear stories, believe lies, but never see for yourself, as a vampire, in your second life, in your living death, you can know your maker, your master, your maitre. so when you look lestat in the eyes, in his cold glassy undead vicious eyes, you realise he is your god. and if this god said to you he would burn you in pain and misery forever for not believing in his love, you believe him, when he says he will lead you into glorious heaven like the lord shepherd you believe him, because you know he will. he knows only killing, only savagery, only the kind of love that is realised in complete bodily physicality, viciously, unforgivingly, through pain and death, not a love that is simply felt but never materialised. when he says he will kill you if you disobey him, you know he will, when he says he stitched your initials into his chest pocket so your name cradles his heart, you know he did. he is a boy, a monster, a puppy, a wolf, a savage manipulative liar and a killer, and the eternal lover, betrayed and frozen in time and memory, his memory too a monster

[everiistence]

tagged by @dykesbat ily lee !! <3333 thank u sm for the tag hehe

no pressure tags: @limbosava @which-star @aveller @bunnyranger761

[uriekukistan]

some thoughts on yuuta's cursed technique, rika, & the five minute limit

i meant to talk about this like. during the extended break but i ended up not but im gonna do some quick thoughts on it now before leaks tn! most of this will be spoiler free, but i'll put a warning before i get into things from recent chapters.

idk if someone else has talked abt this before, but the five minute limit, from my interpretation of the manga, comes from a binding vow yuuta made in order to collect more techniques.

in her fight against kenjaku, yuki says that if kenjaku were to have more than 4 techniques, his brain would burst, unless he had an external storage mechanism like yuuta with rika.

yuuta's innate technique is copy, but it is my understanding that without rika, he would only be able to store up to three other techniques to copy, and if he wanted to acquire a new one, he would have to toss one of the ones he already had (note: rika is not part of yuuta's ct. after jjk0, in my opinion, she is functionally a shikigami, which doesn't require an innate technique, aside from the ten shadows)

in order to store more techniques to copy, i believe yuuta has made a binding vow in order to make rika into a storage facility to hold onto more techniques. the problem with this is that there has to be some sort of restriction in place for it to work, and i believe this is where the five minute limit comes from. i don't think it is a part of yuuta's technique. without rika, i believe he could potentially use another person's technique boundlessly

the phrasing of this further makes me believe that the five minute limit is part of a binding vow. "only when he is connected to rika through the ring can he use cursed techniques (referring to copied techniques)"

the use of the ring as a sort of talisman to activate this binding vow reminds me of nanami's overtime binding vow. to activate this, he removes his tie.

his binding vow also limits his cursed energy, where he can only use 80% of his cursed energy when he isn't in overtime in order to use 120% when he is, similarly to yuuta's, where he can't use rika's full power without activating the binding vow.

spoilers from 260+ & theory for 263 under here

if this is true, and if yuuta finds himself in a position where he needs to extend his limit beyond 5 minutes to continue using gojo's body, he could sacrifice his connection rika to do so. i only see him doing this if he absolutely has to, like if he's got seconds left on the clock, because the loss would be ENORMOUS. yuuta on his own is powerful, and this is not to deny that, he's a special grade for a reason, but he would lose rika's power AND however many techniques he's collected in his time as a sorcerer.

i was trying to think of techniques yuuta has copied, and which three he might keep. probably the most useful one for him to keep at this point would be technique extinguishment & jacob's ladder from angel. then he'd have to keep kenjaku's technique as well to stay in gojo's body/have hope of going back to his own.

[cheegu3]

Yandere prince Sunwoo who is like in love with you but you love someone else (a commoner who works at your palace or something) but Sunwoo just wants you to himself. He can be mean or something. I love your work a lot btw!!

ty for requesting prince sunwoo 🛐🛐 & thank you sm c: 🖤🖤🖤

Sunwoo - the heartbreaker

warnings; yandere themes, sunwoo is a mean asshole n a misogynist, conservative views, sexual themes, prostitution ?, slutshaming, mentions of non-con, objectification, arranged marriages, family problems, a little angst / tragic love, reader is a badass feminist wc; 2.9k pairing; princess, f.m!reader x prince!sunwoo featuring; juyeon & jacob (tbz), lily (nmixx)

note; I hope this wasn't too far from what you had in mind, Sunwoo never says it but it's implied he fell in love at first sight and thought abt her that whole week

You felt your mother's familiar hand on your lower back, urging you to go forward. The longer you resisted the harder she'd push, until you'd lose your step and drew the attention of the royal family.

Today was no different. Another prince and royal family you had to bow deeply to. Someone you didn't know, but heard the ladies gossip about on the way in. Someone your parents wished you'd marry so your own kingdom wouldn't perish. Someone you'd most likely hate but hadn't even met.

The ladies whispers were particularly bad today. Usually they would contain nonsense, gossip that was very trivial like ' he was born out of wedlock ' or ' he isn't the real heir to the throne ' nothing you cared about, because it didn't have an impact on his character.

But when you were meeting prince Sunwoo of Gija, they whispered something else - ' I've heard the prince has many different lovers ', ' he treats women like decorations, ones he can use as he pleases for his own satisfaction '

And the closer you got to him, the more the line in front of you with the ladies cut down; the more you heard about the infamous prince. He'd earned a nickname, the heartbreaker.

You wished your lover was there to see the way the prince coyly looked the princesses and daughters of lords' forms up and down, his eyes dripping with lust, while he barely listened to a word their fathers or mothers would say to him.

You imagined being with your favourite person instead of being forced to be at another dreadful place; at your favourite spot, under the chestnut trees just outside your own palace, in the garden you both loved so much.

His name was Juyeon, and he was everything Sunwoo was not, except for a prince of course. That one thing meant that he would never be approved by your family, no matter how perfect and gentleman-like he was.

But you could pretend that he'd be the one you'd marry and grow old with during those short moments you shared in the garden, laughing you troubles away until reality kicked in. Until your guards went to fetch you, mumbling discreetly about another prince you had to meet - and you knew, despite seeing the strong front he put on, that Juyeon broke a little more any time you went to look for your future husband, knowing deep down that it could never be him.

The moment prince Sunwoo's eyes landed on someone attractive, his sweet luring words would come out so smoothly, at the right time and to the right person. The young, naive girls would swoon over the handsome man, agreeing to meet up late at night like he'd asked. Then he'd sleep with them; seducing with the promise of a wedding, before ultimately never speaking to them again.

And you refused to bow to immoral men.

Your friend Lily, a lady of your castle, tugged on your sleeve as the room fell uncomfortably silent. The murmur from the mothers who were fixing up the daughters they were looking to marry away stopped, and everyone's heads were fixated on the lady who was glaring openly with disdain at the charismatic prince.

'' Y/n, if you don't bow you'll catch his attention, which is the one thing you don't want to do! '' your friend pleaded in your ear.

You shook both her and your mother's begging off, instead stepping as close to the platform he was sitting on as you could, even taking one more bold step than the other ladies had dared to.

His lips immediately curved into a smirk when you did so, knowing that you weren't doing so out of interest, no - you were challenging him.

'' Who is this rude girl? How dare she treat my son with such disrespect! ''

You turned, breaking the intense stare-match with the prince to glare at her too.

'' Maybe if you hadn't raised such an arrogant and vile womanizer, he wouldn't deserve all the disrespect I can give him. I can't even bare to look at him for one more second, your son disgusts me! '' you spat out, with so much genuine distaste that the ladies gasped in horror, quickly parting when you turned around to leave with your mother and friend hot on your heel.

'' Y/n! How could you do that? ''

'' Your majesty, please...you know how she is. ''

You ignored them both, striding towards the carriage and slamming it shut before your mother could talk to you. Hopefully your friend would've calmed her down before she'd finally enter on the other side.

The voices being drowned out by the carriage lent you some relief. You sighed and leaned against the door. As the adrenaline slowly dissolved, it was replaced with worry.

Had you gone too far? Who knows what his family might do if they were to seek revenge. They were far richer than your own family, and more affiliated politically too. That was the whole reason they wanted you to marry at all, because you didn't have any brothers who could take the throne. Your country's resources were quickly running out, famine, poverty and sickness had increased which was why your parents were in such a hurry to find you a husband, fit to be a king.

Your people would hate you if you brought unnecessary conflict to them due to your temper that often got the best of you. But a part of you also refused to lower your head if that happened, nothing was more important than your morals.

'' Y/n? ''

'' Yeah. You can come in. ''

The door cracked open slowly and your mother and Lily squeezed inside, you shift uncomfortably in your spot as your knees touched each other.

'' Have I caused trouble? ''

Silence fell in the carriage, they both seemed hesitant to answer.

'' Perhaps. We don't know yet. I suspect we'll be chased down by their royal mailmen. Her majesty will at the very least want an apology to the prince. ''

You gave a sorry look to your mother.

'' I couldn't help myself. ''

She didn't answer. Lily's hand grasped yours and she looked at you sympathetically. The rest of the ride carried on in silence but you could feel the tension the whole time.

When you arrived, a guard hurried over to open the door, extending a hand to help you down. It was your favourite guard, Jacob who was a sweetheart and friends with Juyeon. He'd always help you sneak out of the castle to meet your lover, without any objections or scoldings.

'' Welcome back, your highness. ''

You gave him a small smile and he mirrored it playfully.

'' Any mail? '' your mother cut in.

Jacob's expression immediately changed, and there was an instant drop in the mood all around again.

'' Well...yes, your majesty. ''

Everyone held their breaths as he brought out an envelope from inside his jacket. You could already tell who it was from by the wax stamp and the imprint on the back.

'' It's from the royal family Kim of Guija. ''

You heard your mother's deep sigh from your side.

'' And? What do they say? ''

Lily came closer to you, resting her head on your shoulder while holding your waist. But you couldn't even give her a grateful smile, your eyes were fixated on Jacob while his eyes scanned over the letter's contents, feeling breathless the longer the silence stretched on.

'' They seem to want an apology. Eh- '' he scratched the back of his neck uneasily. '' They insult your highness and claim that she has humiliated the entire royal family and ruined their reputation. Calling it a rebellious and childish stunt. ''

'' What do they want then? An apology by letter? ''

You all knew the answer, and it wouldn't be one you liked.

'' No, your majesty. They demand an apology in person. ''

*******

A week of rest hadn't done anything to soothe your nerves, as well as the lingering anger. You knew that when you meet eyes with him again, you'd probably explode. But this time it was crucial to your family's reputation that you kept any personal opinions to yourself.

That's why they let Juyeon come with you. Despite your family trying to keep you two away, they didn't hesitate to use him to keep you in check when they needed it.

A simple apology was all they requested anyway. After that you'd be free to go home and you'd never see his arrogant face for the rest of your life.

Your clenched fists started shaking by the mere thought of just that, the prince's face. Juyeon chuckled softly and laid his hand on top of your closed one.

His kind eyes calmed you down again. When you relaxed and released your fists, he smoothly put his hand in yours to stop you from clenching it again.

'' You'll do just fine. ''

Your heart warmed at your favourite sound in the world - his voice. Any time you'd had a bad day and you heard it, you could melt into a puddle. In contrast to everyone else in your life, he was so sweet, calm and easy; he never raised his voice at you, even if he was angry.

You laid your head on his shoulder and looked up at him with dreamy eyes. He knew what you were feeling, you didn't have to say it. Not that you could anyway with your mom and Lily in the carriage, but your gazes exchanged the same words anyway.

'' Thank you for being here. '' you mumbled, not wanting them to hear.

'' Thank you for letting me. ''

The carriage came to a stop just outside the palace of the Kim family. Your mother had warned you that they'd likely try to put the whole thing on a spectacle, to show that their family still had respect; inviting half the town since you had insulted the precious prince in front of them.

The silhouette of a man neared the carriage and everyone inside seemed to be on guard when the door was opened. You came face to face with a young, tall and handsome guard who without a word, stepped aside to let you come out.

'' Welcome, your majesty and her highness. Please, follow me inside. '' he said very curtly after some time when you'd all stepped outside.

He started walking without looking back which you supposed was out of privacy, but it gave a false sense of politeness - the other guards stood surrounded behind the carriage, in case you got any stupid ideas.

The four of you followed him despite that, there was nothing you could do anyway.

He opened the large doors in the front and you were suddenly greeted by hundreds of faces that had turned towards the direction of the screeching sound of the door opening.

It was a cathedral, the same one you had met the prince in last time. You dreaded raising your head and having to walk down the aisle to look up at his smug face sitting on his throne again; although this time it was undeniably worse since you had to apologise, and bow at his feet for the mercy of the Kim family.

Lily's leaned in to whisper.

'' He's waiting for you. Just get it done and then we can go home. ''

You turned your head and whined but she just shook her head with a small smile and gave you a gentle push forward. With a sigh you obeyed and started the long walk down the aisle.

Everyone's eyes were on you, watching your every move or facial expression and analysing your appearance. You heard judgemental comments when passing by one of the back-rows. But what could you do except bite your tongue and move forward?

Your pride kept you from looking up. Even as you finally reached the very front, your eyes were trained to the floor below.

'' Y/n? ''

Your head snapped up now as you recognised the shrill voice of his mother, the queen. She looked at you with dissatisfaction and scornfulness, not even bothering to hide it.

'' Apologise to the prince. ''

You licked your lips and took a deep breath, feeling your anger start to rise to the surface.

And at last, your eyes landed on him.

Prince Sunwoo, who was sitting leaned back on his overly embellished throne, one you didn't think he deserved to sit in but you had to hold back that insult to restore your family's honour.

'' I'm sorry for my behaviour- '' your jaw clenched as you pressed out, '' Sir. ''

Silence filled the cathedral just after you heard him try to suppress a laugh. Everyone was on their edge, waiting for either the queen or the prince himself to say something - Would he accept or refuse?

'' Accepted. ''

You were stunned at his monotone answer, very much expecting him to drag it out to humiliate you. Although you didn't know much about him, that's what people like him would do for fun right? A predator naturally wanting to toy with its prey.

'' You'll give him an apology in private too. '' the queen filled in, causing you to look at her questioningly.

They seemed to be in a great deal of hurry, presumably because they'd continue the search for a bride for the prince; you didn't get the chance to say anything to your mom or look back at your friend. The guards heaved you up on your feet and lead you away immediately to some back door.

'' Where are you taking me? ''

They didn't answer. You were taken outside and up cobblestone-stairs that lead to the palace, Sunwoo following closely behind. It was much bigger than yours, just further shoving the fact that you had to be on their good side in your face.

Well inside, they took you up the grand stairs that were right inside the entrance. Not much time was given for you to look around, it was almost like they didn't want you to. About a minute later of walking very hastily down yet another corridor, they at last opened a door at the end of the wing and shoved you in.

As soon as you heard the door close behind, a bad feeling settled in your stomach. It was hard to pinpoint the reason - was it simply paranoia, intuition or was it just uncomfortableness with being alone with a man?

Well, technically you weren't alone. Two guards were stationed outside. Just enough space to give you privacy, but not too far away if you'd try something on their precious prince.

Said person, walked past you and stopped right by the window.

'' As you know, I've been looking for a woman to marry lately. ''

Sunwoo's voice caught your attention.

'' But I haven't had much success. ''

He smirked when he turned back and saw that you were watching him, seemingly hanging on to every word that came out of his devilish lips.

'' Are you not scared of me? '' his head tilted as a curious look shot to his eyes that could only mean something bad.

Did he feel offended?

'' No. '' you confidently answered, despite the chill that ran down your spine.

He neared you, causing you to back away until your back hit the door. The guards on the other side stirred at the sound, thinking they'd have to intervene.

'' You should be. ''

Your gaze shifted away from the prince, trying to look at anything but him. But he came even closer, to the point you could feel the fabric of his clothes touch your bare arms and smell the scent of his cologne.

When he started leaning down, his hand raising with it; you flinched away but was left with your mouth hanging open in surprise when the sound of the door locking sounded in the room instead.

You stared at him.

'' Why did you lock it? ''

'' Haven't you heard the rumours? '' Sunwoo rested his hand against the door, almost caging you in and looked down at you. '' About what happens to the women that come into my bedchambers? ''

You swallowed the bile that rose up.

'' Your mother gave you to me. ''

'' What? ''

'' You're mine now, the wedding is next wee- ''

He rolled his eyes when you turned around and tried to unlock the door in panic. Too easily his hand caught your wrist in the act and with one quick thrust, you stumbled across the room, landing on the bed.

You already knew he was creeping up behind you.

'' Do I need to tie you up? ''

You pressed your lips together, refusing to answer him, while your mind was working overtime to try and think of a way to escape. But while sitting there on the bed and thinking, you came back to what he had said - your mom gave you away?

Your heart felt like it was slowly suffocating. You thought she had loved you, she was your mother after all. So how could she do this? After everything you had said about him, she chose him of all people?

'' I asked you a question. ''

A sudden hand came from behind and grabbed your jaw harshly, making you gasp.

'' No. '' you mumbled.

Sunwoo sat down on the bed, next to you so you could see him.

'' We should prepare for the wedding, don't you think? ''

Tears welled up in your eyes. You knew what was coming next by his leering gaze. Confirming your suspicions, he crept closer and the hand from before finally landed on your face, caressing it like that of a man who was madly in love.

You prepared for it. Maybe if you gave in for that one thing, he'd leave you alone for a bit - giving you enough time to think of a plan again.

But then he caught you by surprise again, chuckling deeply at you jumping as his breath tickled your neck.

He whispered sickeningly sweet, '' By killing your lover first. ''

[jackienautism]

I just saw that post about your thoughts on the counselors and I'm curious, have there been any major changes since then?

i just skimmed the post youre talking abt (i write a lot huh) but honestly? i haven't had TOO many major changes since. JUST REALIZED ITS COMING UP TO AYEAR SINCE I POSTED IT IN MAY? THATS SO CRAZY TO ME WTF but anyway

nvm ill read through exactly what i said. the post is here btw

dylan: still pretty much the same opinion as back then LMAO i did have a more recent convo abt dylan (which def changed some thoughts abt him. esp related to his potential adhd and lack of a filter) but i stilll don't like him, sorry

nick: same thoughts as before honestly. i still think he doesn't deserve abi in the slightest. and his involvement w/ emma's dare still makes me very upset, ESP when the fanbase refuses to acknowledge his involvement in it lol. i dont doubt that racism comes into play w/ nick and his whole lack of a story and such, but i jut. i cant stand him

jacob: i take back the flip flop thing btw. i lowkey cant stand him. but to be honest:? ive gotten WAAAY less tolerant of male characters in general lately. and jacob is not exempt from this lol. i have yet to play TQ again (it's been quite a bit) but! maybe after we play tonight things will change. ill prob rb again if things do

ryan: HOWEVER. DO YOU KNOW /IS/ EXEMPT FROM MY "I HATE ALL MALE CHARACTERS" MINDSET? RYAN ERZAHLER. 100%. i love him lots and ppl r very mean to him fo r no reason. i talked abt this briefly in my angourie!cady post but just. when characters show certain autistic traits that YOU ALL cant deal w/ or understand, suddenly theyre a shitty person? they don't care abt their friends? theyre boring? KILLS YOU

max: he also is a pretty respectable guy to me i love you max. but as i said originally. i dont rly think abt him much

emma: she def had the biggest shift for me while playing the game for the first time!!!!! but in terms of like. if anything changed from when i wrote the original note? i dont rly think so tbh. reread waht i wrot eback then it rly makes it seem like i hate her 😭😭😭😭😭 I PROMISE I DONT..... I ACTUALLY LOVE HER SO MUCH...... SHE MEANS A LOT TO ME....... i just cant stand how she acts towards abi sometimes. def my biggest criticism of her. but at the same time. i understand WHY she acts the way she does. she means sooo muchto me. and esp seeing all your talk abt autistic emma? i just think that makes sooo much sense fo rher.and i LOVE it so much

kaitlyn: i dont even feel lik e going throuhg it all but. i feel like she may have gotten a little lower since i wrote that post? just bc i tjhink toooo many ppl think shes better than she actually is bc of her association w/ dylan? it pisses me off sooooo bad. and ive made posts abt this before but like. her character in general still aggravates me 😭 and i DO still stand by what i said in that og post. theres jsut... shes not that complex sorry guys. esp compared to EMILY? lLIKE. i know its unfair to compare the 2 but its pretty damn obvious that thye were going for another emily in kaitlyn lmao and they FAILED. MISERABLY

abi: oh.. abi oh abi i love you. i still hold her so close to me. she is so me for real (beats anyone up who says tjhat she's Them) i mean who said that

laura: LOVE U LAURA!!!!!!!!! i still dont have like TOO many in depth thouhgts abt her but just. know ever since i began roleplaying as her shes become THAT much more beloved and :] i love you girl

THAJK YOU FOR SENIDNG THIS IN!!!! AND SORRY FOR TAKING A BIT TO ANSWER

[winterchimez]

describe your relationship with your moots using tbz ships!!

weeee i haven’t done a moot game in a while and i do miss it!! im gonna just tag the ones i talk to often so im sorry if you’re not on the list ><

@sungbeam (sangyeon & changmin)

im not saying this just cs ive assigned both of us to our biases, but yknow how sangkyu are always real sweet to each other thats us 🥺 but at the same time yall know how changmin is always hitting his hyung thats beam when she bites back 🤓 and the way how changmin always say “ah hyung!” when he gets annoyed thats beam to me when the *cough* horny thoughts are at its peak ✨ but i always imagine us as the sangkyu piggyback vid from the b-zone cs you’re my precious lil 妹妹 🥺💕

@juyeonszn (sangyeon & haknyeon)

remember when sunwoo said sanghak is the best ship in tbz, thats me and fawn periodt ✨ never in a million years would i have expected to get close to her (cs god i was admiring her works sm 🤧) but now we’re like long lost sisters 🥺 you’re the hakkie to my yeonnie, and i’ll protect you forever 🫂❤️

@from-izzy (jacob & kevin)

who would’ve thought i’d find my soulmate all the way in australia? its crazy how we went from just getting to know each other, and then finding out we have so much in common (i’d say almost 99.9999% of the things we do & enjoy) like its crazy how we’re not placed in the same continent 😤 we’re basically moonbae and nobody can tell me otherwise 💅 btw pack your bags bcs i might be able to visit you next year along with j either in mel or syd!!!

@daisyvisions (sangyeon & eric)

we all know how sangyeon basically cares for his lil baby eric 24/7 and thats daisy to me 🥺 but then we’re also super chaotic behind the scenes which also screams sangric to me LMAO trust me the day we meet irl the world would not be ready for it 😤🫂❤️

@aimeecarreros (sangyeon & hyunjae)

we just gotten close recently and omg i can’t believe i was able to click so quickly and well with elena like she’s so funny & chaotic and I LOVE IT 🤣 sangmil will forever be one of my fav ships and that’ll be me and you 🥰

@snowflakewhispers (sunwoo & eric)

my fellow SEA moot who lives so so close to where i am 🥹 its funny how we gradually got close after that sangyeon fic you dropped and the rest is history 😌 i think the way we relate to so many things is actually what made us become to close & chaotic (god i love our dms i love the mess and we singing gimme gimme more) we’re sunric fs 😘❤️

@flwoie @hanniluvi (sangyeon & jacob)

you two are literally the sweetest lil cuties ever 🥺 from supporting my work since the beginning of my journey like im floored im beyond grateful for you two always 🫂💕

@heemingyu (chanhee & changmin)

we literally have an ongoing series tgt + that way we just clicked from the start is insane. we’re newkyu. i said what i said. sana is WILD which makes me give her the side eye 24/7 but then its what made us close, and the way how newkyu are always tgt thats also me & sana 🤞🏻

@cloverdaisies (hyunjae & haknyeon)

omg where do i even begin!! we go wayyyy back during summer when i was still in EU and when i found out we live literally next to each other i was just????? im sad i didn’t get to know you earlier cs i would’ve come visit you when i was there!! but i promise i will do everything i can to come back UK one day fs (i said what i said so dont come for me again vajfbrnrhrjd) you’re literally hyunjae. sweet but also likes to tease & like seeing me lose my shit 🙄 but i love hyunjae so that also means i love you so i’ll let it pass 💚

@justalildumpling (jacob & sunwoo)

ahahahaha the chaotic parent and child duo is here 🤪 j is literally the sweetest to me when we first met, only later down the line when we got closer that i found out abt her chaotic ass (but i love it so keep it coming LMAO) my little dongsaeng ilysm, i’ll always be here whenever you need me (gurl for you i’ll stay on call with you for 24 hours again 😤😤😤) counting down the days i come visit you & izzy!! 💪

@zzoguri (sunwoo & changmin)

i was debating to put jacob but then i think sunkyu works slightly better for us? pls moni is so sweet but also REALLY FUNNY AND CHAOTIC shjendnrnd i love their reactions i love going through your stories all the time cs they make me laugh 😭 and you have such a good taste in music just like changmin 🥺 you can interchange between these two and you always have a special place in my heart my moni 💜

@itsbeeble (younghoon & hyunjae)

yknow how in tv shows they put this gold light or smth with the audio for the main charas/good looking ppl lmao bsjfbekrm thats bbangmil and that would be us so yall better make way for us 😤😤😤 we’re as chaotic as the two, esp with how reese is always getting me to sleep early BUT THEN I DONT 🤓 and we’re both swifties ugh love a fellow good woman who listens to good songs 💕💕💕

@kimsohn (younghoon & eric)

its only ever since coming back to asia that i got to spend more time talking to you in the gc!! (timezone sucks in EU 😭) and god you are so funny and chaotic too lmao bandndm you’re just like eric, but then yknow how younghoon is always the first one to support and care for the maknae thats me to you 🥺❤️

honorary mentions:

@daisyvisions @aimeecarreros (the lee bros)

make way for the 3 grand sangmil girlies ✨💅 our everyday dms are always loud, chaotic, fun, and a sprinkle of msg aka sexiness 🥰✨ the day the 3 of us meet it would make history in deobiland istg watch us get a ring on our finger by the lee bros themselves bcs delulu is free and it’s the solulu 😚

@cloverdaisies @heemingyu (the kyeopmuda line)

the OG trio ✨ it went from me being moots with clo, and then sana being clo’s biggest fan, made a gc and the rest is history 😌 the 3 of us could talk for hours and often times way past our bed times (esp clo im looking at you pls fix it) just like how close kyeopmuda line is, thats also the 3 of us, we’ve always got each other’s back, and always ready to text and vc anytime 🫂 looking forward to the holidays when the 3 of us are free and we’ll vc for hours fs 😤❤️

[hyuninho]

How do you write horror?

I actually had like a conversation with my friends abt this a little bit ago so I'll talk about it here- this is a very broad question so I am going to answer it to the best of my abilities (like, how do I write vs. how do I write horror), so,,, pls be patient with me haha.

So, to kind of lay the groundwork I've kinda come to the conclusion that there are maybe 3 types of horror writers/ways to come at horror?? Or at least, that's how it gets categorized better in my head! Inspired by a post where someone described Jacob Geller as an architect's mindset, I think the 3 main ways to come at writing horror are as follows;

- The Language

- The Philosophy

- The Architecture

Keep in mind that this is all like ENTIRELY my own opinion and just how I come at writing my favorite genre, & I was/am an on and off fic writer and that's where most of my style was able to be developed!

Understandably these categories do seem a bit random but I think the example I can use best to explain it is gore, probably?

So with gore & body horror as an example, I'll go in the order of Philosophy > Language > Architecture for it to kind of make most sense.

Philosophy - Gore is many things. A lot of times the human mind meets it with, "that's wrong- that's wrong, wrong, wrong!"- and it gets worse with body horror, which seems to almost make an art form out of it. It is grotesque and obscene, and it forces you to be vulnerable- all things the mind hates. Organs that were never supposed to see the light of day are now being exposed to air they were never supposed to touch- and it's incredibly disturbing and upsetting because this isn't supposed to happen.... and worse, the longer you sit in it all, and you let it fester, it starts to become a "What really makes us human?" kind of thing. Everyone's reaction to the initial reaction to horrifying vulnerability of viscera is different.  Some curiously engage with it, some will become obsessed with how intimate it is, some will still desperately want to get away from it. It's always a fun little "how will I write these gore scenes this time" & understanding how I want ppl to react, which brings me to the next bit- language

(P.S. no body horror in it, but if you do want a good horror book that delves into like the "What Makes Us Human?" bit of things, I rec Obscura by Joe Hart!! like it literally becomes an overarching theme in the book! A+)

Language - I spend a lot of time trying to put human experiences down on paper, and it just... doesn't work because language as a whole is not enough of a vehicle to get across all of my thoughts and my feelings on this one subject- this one subject that is, undeniably intricate (no matter what subject it is, at any point in time). With body horror or just generally terrifying scenes where I really need to get across what exactly is happening and why it's so terrifying and you should be scared too- it helps to find words that are as specific as possible to the moment, especially with gore, because it forces the character(s) and the reader to be vulnerable. I focus a lot on character's reaction to things as well, as a way to convey like 'holy shit this is NOT OK!!! I am not cool with this!!', and really- it wouldn't be a good story if I didn't intrigue myself a bit imo- whether I terrify, or I scare, or I just get myself obsessed... understanding the concept of what I want to get across as much as I can, so I can then spend as long as I want trying to get it across as accurately as possible in a way that will have others sharing my fear/intrigue/obsession... that is my personal goal!

Architecture - Your terror needs legs to stand on. Your dread needs legs to stand on. Fear/scares can be induced from a simple movie's jumpscare, or a couple of terrifying lines that build a scene quickly and get the ball rolling- but for good 'ol gothic terror it's a bit of a consistent slow burn that slowly grows over the course of the story. It's usually why the gore happens towards the end of a story if it's the climax of the story, or, in other cases, gore tends to be used as a way to break a character. It's not only about the structure of the story, it's about the structure of the character. When you develop a character it's like you've carefully constructed a small building- and in this case, the gore scenes are direct attacks on where this character's support beams would be. A building within a building.... within a building...? If you will.

Kathe Koja's short story The Neglected Garden (Extremities) is actually a perfect example of this, as it starts off with the gore straight off the bat- and from there it's a slow decline (in this story specifically, it's akin to watching a team of workers construct a house incredibly quickly, then being like "it doesn't seem that sturdy-" right when a storm comes by and the house itself sinks and gets *really* fucked up... and then from there starts to slowly deteriorate and crumble.)

I think this applies to writers as well lol- like, I'm definitely more of a language oriented horror writer because of how much I focus on my vocabulary, my sentences, my prose, etc- and not even in a way where grammar is my strong suit. In fact, I am like, incredibly bad with grammar and this post is probably a prime example of it! but I really try hard to get across a concept/idea with the tools available to me and I try to expand those tools when I can, because it frustrates me when there aren't enough words in the dictionary for "he screamed".

Outside of gore and body horror, I usually have a concept, and then I write the scenes were I'm very into the concept of it and what I want to be portrayed... and then I start expanding from there and building plot, etc, until I eventually sit down and write it in it's entirety- so my personal order tends to be; Philosophy, Architecture, then Language.

(And yes, these are all just fancy words for plotting and drafting but they help me think about it easier so pls be nice to me LMFAO)

[klxudykai]

all 26 of my drs

soo as my bio says I have 26 drs!! and today I will be talking about each of them

in all honesty I thought it was a bit of a stretch to shift to that many, but who cares? the universe is unlimited so if I wanna shift to 3, 26, or even 100 I should be allowed to (and so should you!!)

anywaysss lets get into it

Anime drs

MHA - this is literally my MAIN DR. its the first ever dr I thought of shifting to and one of my favorites. I can't wait to shift there omg

MHA (fantasy au) - this isn't one of my top favs but it is def a cool one that I would enjoy fs

AOT (modern college au) - this dr is gonna be so fun I just know it

Haikyuu - volleyball is one of my FAVORITE sports so I already know this is gonna be exciting (I also had a haikyuu obsession ever since 2019 quarantine-)

★ ★ ★

Fame drs

singer - I always wanted to be a famous singer so this made inner 9 year old me SCREAM. I live and breathe music. all kinds of it, too. my playlist will go from SZA to Bone Thugs n Harmony to Billie Ellish and then to Deftones real quick

youtuber - this is another career that 9 year old me wanted. I've always looked up to YouTubers so I knew I would have a trip shifting to where I was one too

street racer - okay Im gonna be so honest and tell y'all rn I don't know jack shit abt cars- all I know is that I wanna have a hot pink car and blast flo milli while dusting a bunch of men in races (hot girl shit I fear-)

90s r&b singer - I love the 90s. the music, the fashion, all of it. absolutely amazing. that's it

band dr - I would love to be the lead singer of a famous ass band. I haven't decided if I was gonna join an existing one or make my own yet but one of the options will be happening

★ ★ ★

TV shows/Movies

hogwarts - when I first got into shifting a LOT of people were shifting to Hogwarts and honestly I understand why. it looks so fun there man

alice in wonderland - this is one of my FAVORITE movies. I love the weirdness of it all and its just so creative and calming for me. (I intend on scripting I live in a cute little cottage on a hill with my two headed cow because I have a major obsession with cows)

diary of a wimpy kid - I got one name for you. and that name is rodrick mf heffley. judge me I do not care but that man is FINE (he probably smells tho but I intend on scripting he isn't cause who tf wants a smelly man??). i also like the idea of being in loded diper

twilight - I've had an obsession with vampires and werewolves (ESPECIALLY werewolves) since I was in 4th grade so this move series and dr is right up my alley (I'm team Jacob btw even tho he's hella childish)

the breakfast club - the first time I watched this movie I was like "I'm officially shifting there". I love coming of age movies especially older ones like this so I didn't hesitate to add it to my list

riverdale - this series was kinda interesting tbh. I heard it got really wacky after the 3rd season though but I guess I'll find that out when I rewatch it (or when I shift idk). SPEAKING OF RIVERDALE- I had two dreams about shifting there and it was so crazy. like the first one was when I was in the diner with the characters and I was looking for my s/o, but I woke up before I could find him. and then the second dream I don't remember but I had the sensation I kissed someone???? so I'm pretty sure I found him LMFAO-

spiderman (itsv-atsv) - absolutely NO words for this one. I've had an obsession with this one ever since it came out. and I almost screamed in the movie theater when the producers hit us with that "to be continued" bs. also hobie brown <33

descendents - I was into every single original Disney channel movie that was released and this was one of them. AND I could be the daughter of Tiana like??? sign me up fr

monster high - these are literally THE monster it girls. it would be a crime to not shift there

total drama - this was the first reality tv show I ever watched and I was so here for it. they got real creative with the drama too

victorious - I LOVE arts. acting, painting, music, dance, you name it. if I could go to a school like this in my cr I would've already been there (oh wait I technically can)

power rangers - SPECIFICALLY the 2017 film. I don't feel like we got a backstory on half of the characters and its so disappointing but oh MAN when my boy DACRE got on that screen I almost hollered. this movie served so hard and it deserved a sequel badly.

stranger things - this was another obsession of mine and I couldn't have it any other way. its gonna be terrifying but badass (like nancy wheeler when she had that damn shotgun)

mid90s - this was a decision I made last week because I had JUST watched the movie and it was my obsession for a little bit too. I experienced a little home sickness (more like a lot of homesickness because I was SAD SAD)

★ ★ ★

other drs I thought of shifting to

demon slayer - this seemed pretty fun, but I heard that later down the plot it got boring and sucked pretty bad so I wasn't sure

kpop - I'm not 100% a kpop fan but I LOVE krnb so I was just thinking of making music like that but its still in the works a bit

avatar - I thought it would be cool, but I wasn't in love with the idea like I thought id be. maybe if I shifted to the first avatar I'd like it but idk yet

farm life - like I mentioned earlier I really love cows and thought a farm would be cool, but I kinda fell out of love with the idea so this most likely won't go all the way through

anastasia - this is one of the drs I most likely will still be shifting to because I just love classic Disney movies (and Dimitri was fine..)

ready player one - in all honesty, I completely forgot I intended on shifting there but its a fun ass concept

pitch perfect - okay but this movie was funny as hell plus singing so why not?

tinkerbell - this entire series was my Roman empire. they were my FAV when I was little and still are

10 things I hate about you - early 2000 movies are my favorite so when I watched this, I wanted to shift there asap

★ ★ ★

okay and I think those are all my drs!! this might be a little over 26 too but oh well LMFAO-

i really enjoyed making this and I hope y'all enjoyed reading it <3

stay tuned for more drs because i am always thinking of new ones to go to!!

[fuckmeyer]

hey bestie i'm finally here with that essay about jacob fighting for bella's humanity w/o being a love interest bc the potential that has! he's set up to be the perfect avenue for it! he's the warmth and sun that she loved from arizona; he's the community and family she could be deeply enmeshed in w/ charlie and billy; he's a childhood friend who grew up (which bella's going to lose the potential to do if she becomes a vampire! and she's going to forget that past!); he's someone who fixes up old damaged cars instead of having perfect ones, and they aren't the *same* but they're still good...he's literally thematically everything best abt being human that bella will lose, AND examples of the negatives she sees in humanity, (all the times she thinks abt how the wolves are fragile in comparison to the vampires)...and it would just be SO fascinating to see that played out w/out the romance. it would honestly be even more powerful! bc baked into smeyer's worldbuilding is that vampires prioritize their romantic partners above everything else and having jacob be the true contrast to that where he's a platonic connection that bella genuinely values equally and she has to think abt how becoming a vampire would cut her off from the potential of connections like that!!! i am thinking so many thoughts

BESTIE thank you as always for dropping the Jacob love in my inbox!

you're so right about Jacob being the perfect avenue to explore Bella's doubt about vampirism! the warmth & family & community & LOVE & acceptance & nostalgia she loves about humanity is all embodied in Jacob's character & in their relationship. she likes hand-me-downs & homemade gifts! she likes acts of service! she likes reckless stunts that remind her of her own fragility & weakness! she likes warm sodas & spaghetti dinners! she likes being reminded that she belongs somewhere! & THIS IS JACOB <3

the fact that their relationship isn't utilized to this end (or any end, really) is my biggest problem with Eclipse. Bella drops little hints in the narrative that she's nervous about becoming a vampire. there are so many opportunities— e.g. when Rose tells her story— for her to reflect on what she's giving up.

in the end, she doesn't sum up the argument in a compelling way & doesn't make her choice in a believable way.

in part because the event that kicks off her grand realization that she's not ready (AKA THE CONFLICT OF HER ENTIRE SERIES ARC) is ...graduation

big life event as a catalyst seems to make sense. but how relevant is it to her narrative? & once it's brought up, we don't we see her digging into why she's nervous. what about saying goodbye makes her not ready? what about getting what she wants terrifies her? what does she need to sort through? what plans does she need to make? we're left to wonder what's running through Bella's mind re: the biggest decision of the series...in a first person narrative. no!!!

Jacob, who embodies all these ideals of her humanity, should be the one to push her to this realization. the climax of her internal conflict should be focused around him: losing him physically/emotionally (or both), & everything he represents. there is so much weight that her relationship with Jacob adds to her choice if she's allowed to love him and Edward unconditionally! as a romantic interest, all Jacob's doing is pushing her away.

(& that's why this whole fucking triangle makes no sense. he loves her so much he remembers her from early childhood. he loves her so much he'll sit there for months & pick up her broken pieces. he loves her so much he'll spend every moment just doing silly little hobbies together. he loves her so much he wants to fight for her humanity "until her heart stops beating" AND EVEN AFTER. but he doesn't love her enough to respect her choices or opinions? he doesn't love her enough to know that by being an asshole, he's pushing her closer to death? imo this is where we see stephie's grubby hands moving pieces. Jacob loves her more than he's in love with her.)

& so, because the "i'm not ready" realization is tied to something Bella doesn't give a shit about, the realization that she is ready is equally empty

what makes her decide she's ready to become a vampire is GUILT & FEAR & ANGUISH. she's "ready" to become a vampire because she feels weak & useless. worse, this realization is not touched on as the event (the training sesh) unfolds. she has this realization OFF-PAGE & then shows up to Edward's proposal like "yeah i'm ready to become a vampire but first i wanna fuck :)"

& we're supposed to buy that? girl, you resolved nothing internally. you didn't show us what changed for you. you're making this decision out of fear instead of out of love. & we're supposed to believe this is what little miss "thoughtful & responsible" wants???

it's such a blatant disregard to all the growth she went through & the relationships she developed. you can't just turn Jacob in a fucking asshole & turn the choice into a non-choice & call it day. Jacob deserves better, Bella deserves better, & the readers deserve better!!

MAKE 👏 EVERYONE 👏 SUFFER👏👏👏

(in the name of love!)

[gluion]

your moots as tbz members <3 💌

FML okay i have been avoiding this for a while because i feel like i dont have enough knowledge to assign my mutuals to a tbz member </3 SORRY ANON IF U THOUGHT I WAS IGNORING IT! HOWEVER i will attempt to do it with the oomfs i think i'm close to :DD

@haet-sal as sunric

okay i have this joke with lacey that i call her sunwoo for the reason that she jumps into like how many different topics but the reality is that like she is also very eric coded whenever i talk to her </3 she's like the clingy (/pos), shoulder i can rely on, always makes me laugh. thats why she feels very sunric coded to me!

@i520cm as kyuric

LORD ipah is just so extroverted and also an oversharer like eric but has the temper of changmin LIKEEEE ITS ALWAYS SO FUN TO BULLY IPAH IN THE SERVER IM CRYING BUT SHE IS SWEET AS THE TWO!!! everything she says is actually iconic

@winterchimez as sangyeon

i say this not bc ally is sangyeon biased but holy shit like with her interactions she really just does give me sangyeon VIBES. idk abt yall but its gen so strong... does anyone see this... like she is as reliable and as sweet as sangyeon </3

@sungbeam as kevin

talking to duckie is how i imagine talking to kevin would be like. also she is just as sweet and talented as the guy?? and duckie is genuinely so FRIEND SHAPED. like you know how you look at ppl and go like wow. they are so friend shaped i would love to be friends with them. AND ITS TRUE!!! like every convo with her is as chaotic and still as nice <3

@wuahae as bbangmil

THIS IS MAINLY BC OF ALL OUR CONVO ON ANIME AND WEBTOON but i feel like talking to cat is similar to talking to younghoon <3 like she's very humble and always tries to help out. she's also someone who likes to offer a shoulder if anyone needs it <3 but also she does give a bit of hyunjae for how she bullies ipah LMFAO

@stealanity as jacob

MATTY IS A SWEETHEART LIKE IDK ABT YALL. I SEE MATTY AND JUST THINK THIS IS JACOB </3 SHES A SWEETIE but also she's also just as chaotic as jacob <3 like whenever she messages the gc its either her coming to some kind of chaotic mess or her joining in out of the blue like yall will never really know !!!

@justalildumpling as hyunjae

BROTHER IDK ABT YALL BUT J IS SOOOOOO HYUNJAE CODED LIKE. ITS SO FUNNY BC THE FIRST TIME J LIKE FINALLY STARTED TALKING IN OUR SERVER, ITS BEEN LIKE UTTER CHAOS. AM I THE ONLY ONE WHO NOTICED THAT DFGUSYGYUFSG also i imagine her laughing style to be just like hyunjae's also HELP!?!?!? and how she bullies ipah is SO CRAZY. j and cat ultimate duo im afraid! and also just like talking style wise, i feel like its similar to his

i tried my best </3 tbf i feel like i need to get to know so much more ppl too </3 but this is just for me :DD

[brechtian]

Any thoughts abt a virginia woolf reading order? Ive never read any of her stuff but ive been wanting to ever since my professor for fiction writing told me my stuff reminded her of woolf

Sure! In terms of her essays, I don’t think reading order really matters, but if you haven’t read Modern Fiction yet, it’s a must. The rest I leave up to you; I’ve read a bunch, and even when I don’t agree with her I think they provide context to who she is as a person, but none were (personally!) particularly life changing.

As for fiction! I think chronologically works well. Her first book was The Voyage Out, and I really recommend starting there (If you want something even earlier, her first ever published work was a short story called the mark on the wall that’s a lot of fun). You see the seeds of what will later develop into her signature style, and in all honesty I also just really like the book! The Dalloways (yes, those dalloways) are in it as well so it provides an extra layer to reading Dalloway later. The ending destroys me to this day 🫡

After voyage, I’d recommend you read Jacob’s Room, which is considered her first work of high modernism. After that, Mrs. Dalloway and To The Lighthouse, which are her most famous novels and many people’s favorites. And they’re great! They’re fantastic! Love and adore them!

If you want to, then would be the time to read Orlando and Flush, which are her experiments with the pseudo biography genre. Full disclosure, I actually am not a fan of Orlando—it’s considered a landmark of feminist literature, but I simply don’t enjoy Woolf when she’s primarily focused on being irreverent and satirical, and there’s just a lot of blatant racism in Orlando (one can argue how much is commentary vs Woolf’s own bias or the effectiveness of that commentary) that detracts from the experience of reading it. Idk, just really not my thing, lacks the heart found in a lot of her other work. I haven’t read flush, so no commentary there!

Her last two books are The Waves (my favorite, the one I just spent my entire semester immersed in an writing about) and Between The Acts, which both draw heavily from the stageplay format, are by far her most experimental works, and Between the Acts (which I just started) in particular really reads more like a piece of postmodern literature. Oh! You don’t have to, but her mémoires Moments of Being are great to read before The Waves because she pulls sooo many of those experiences into the novel.

Her diaries and letters are also definitely worth a read, and this isn’t even close to everything she wrote (so many essays and so many reviews). Woolf is an interesting author in that her eras of writing are so distinct, so a chronological reading progression just makes sense imo. I know I threw a lot at you, but truly, take your time and just become immersed in Woolf.

[lasshoe]

if tedbecca does happen (it should), how do you think rebecca will come to the realization? i’ve been thinking a lot abt it, and i just can’t see her coming to it completely on her own? (would love to hear your take if you do think that’s possible) like i think it must involve either a third party helping her see it/calling her out on it or some sort of big thing happening that shakes her up?

i have both no absolute clue how it’s actually going to happen and also have thought about nothing but for the past [redacted amount of time] but narratively they have set up so many ways it could happen but i think I agree that clearly it’s going to need to come from an external source to actually get it through rebecca’s big dumb beautiful brain

here’s a list of things / people who might actually get her to see the light:

trent crimm. i admit this would be very slay and i would like to see it

deborah

deborah by way of tish

kinesics expert isaac

someone commenting on the everyday biscuits / biscuit box pink takeover in her life

the (matchbox) toy soldier. also a favorite possible catalyst of mine for her to Realize Something

higgins (i’ve given up hope on keeley atp)

henry :’)

michelle. or dr. jacob…. make him worth something

a literal lightening strike

[wavesmp3]

part 2 of perhaps the most self centered follow forever (if you can even call it that) ! lol

@bailaconox this little comment made such an impact on me and still does, i was so happy when i got it, and that you felt this way about that piece | @lxveille when veille came to tell me how much she enjoyed what also happens to be my favorite part of that fic! what a joy

all the comments made by @jacobs-sunflower on so many of my pieces, i just happened to come across this one first, but i cannot thank you enough for the praise you've given me, even in my recent not even fics but random word vomit posts haha | and also @boosoonhao from way back when in my lowqualityseventeen days. this rb might've been one of the first ones i ever got on this blog, im not sure how i feel abt that particular piece anymore but this rb made a younger version of me very happy lol and aj was like my first follower after i made this blog fun fact

and to this random anon who left this for me, i felt like i was floating when i got it | and to ina!! whose writing i wish i could go back and reread, still wishing we could have worked together once back then :)

and to others still: lily and the google doc that i still have with notes on oasis | gina @sunlightwoo there are so many screenshots i could have pulled out but none of that matters because what i really want to say is that you are one of the most warm and welcoming and inviting people i have ever met on here | and to so so many others that i know i am forgetting, this blog brought me a lot of joy for a long time | WAIT adding also @tomodachiii the ask you sent for 8000 layers of inyun, its one of the only things ive heard abt that piece and i swear i thought about it for a week straight and just read and read and read it over LOL

[roosterforme]

my husband gets deployed tomorrow and I’m having a moment so I thought I’d share a few things

so it’s always been funny to me because my husband really does look like roo. He’s had the mustache since he was 19, the same red brown hair, and he’s in the Navy but the funny part is that his name is Jacob and he has the personality of Bob.

we’ve been together since we were in high school but we were long distance for a while so the first deployment wasn’t the hardest for me. The hardest for me was the one he had while I was pregnant but I was very thankful because it was so short.

when we were in high school, he learned to play the guitar for his sister. They used to sit around the fire in the yard and we’d listen to them sing. His sister is my best friend and has been since I was born. Bless her heart I love her but she can’t sing 😂 he can (and that’s not just my bias lol) and I remember they’d be singing together and we would all laugh at him wincing while she sang

since he is a good singer and loves to sing and play it’s always been a big thing for us. I used to have terrible insomnia to the point where I would be in tears because I couldn’t sleep. He would sit there for hours and sing my favorite songs while he brushed my hair. It was and still is the only way I can sleep when I’m having bad insomnia.

he’s in the military and I didn’t like any of the songs because they were all about them dying and I didn’t want to think abt him dying obviously so when emay Holmes released the deployment song in 2018 it became our little tradition for him to sing it to me before he left. That next Christmas, I recorded him and put it on a CD and now in the morning after he showers and packs we dance to it in our living room. I have no idea how many CDs I’ve burnt out bc of how much I play it while he’s gone lol.

I’m sorry this was so long and I don’t want to be annoying I just needed to talk I think and you should check out the deployment song by emay Holmes. It’s my favorite and I love his voice.

Your husband sounds so sweet, nonny! I wish he wasn't getting deployed again soon! And I will definitely check out that song! 💕

[dickytwister]

💭🌴💯 for Finley, 🐈🤍🍝 for Maxwell & 💚🍦🎶 for Carter <3

THANK U SM MWAHH

💭 THOUGHT BALLOON — what is your oc's MBTI, enneagram, and/or other personality aspects (if known/interested in)?

his mbti is infp (which fits him sm bc of how like. caring. and idealistic he can be) and his enneagram is 6w5 (the guardian) which, again, SO fitting for a man like him. so loyal but also very pensive kinda guy. analytical one might say.

🌴 PALM TREE — does your oc have a green thumb? do they enjoy gardening?

i never really thought abt it before but. god he DOES have a green thumb actually!! his apartment is full of plants because he still feels weird being in night city and wants to remember being outside (even tho "outside" is a desert). i think he also grows plants to manifest the future he wants, aka being at peace in a place that's connected to nature and had NOTHING to do with night city. he also gardens i've decided just now bc he can't stand all the factory foods (which is gonna be a useful skill when he DOES get his little haven away from everything!!)

💯 HUNDRED POINTS SYMBOL — share three random facts about your oc that others may not know.

– finley is trans!! it's a ripperdoc in the bakkers that did his top surgery a few years ago and there were some complications (normal thing to happen in the badlands methink) so his scars are now a little jagged and strange, but he loves them nonetheless – was taken by raffen shivs as a kid to be sold or eviscerated. he ended up killing and maiming his way out of the camp with a scalpel and running away before being found by some bakkers scouts. – sometimes, when he can't sleep in his apartment, he goes down to the garage and sleeps in his car. it's something that's more familiar to him and it soothes him despite the grief that comes with it.

🐈 CAT — does your oc prefer a wide circle of friends or a few close friends?

he definitely prefers a few close friends. doing what he does—infiltrating the project at eden's gate years ago and now juggling his allegiances as best as he can—, it's much safer to only rely on a few friends he can really depend on rather than risk being ratted out by hanging out with too many people. he's also very slow to trust, so he's never even had a wide circle of friends, even as a child.

🤍 WHITE HEART — what are three of your oc's neutral/questionable traits?

– maxwell is an excellent hunter. he learned as a child with his uncle and his big brother achilles. he never liked it. – tends to be quieter in most situations, only there as support for whoever he's with (be it jacob or eli). he doesn't take sides during fights, which is why he's so conflicted about the reaping and its factions. – doesn't listen to much music. idk if this counts as a trait but there it is!! my poor underdeveloped boy

🍝 SPAGHETTI — what is/are your oc's favorite food(s)?

he likes homemade foods, no matter what that food might be, but the food that brings him the most comfort is saltines and peanut butter. it's just a little snack he used to get as a kid when they were a little tight on money and it brings back a lot of memories, good and bad.

💚 GREEN HEART — does your oc prefer being inside or outside?

outside!! carter grew up on a spaceship, so being outside on earth is one of his favourite thing. i mean, there are trees, flowers, rivers, lakes, animals, bugs!! so many things to see, so many beautiful colours, so many different smells!!

🍦 SOFT ICE CREAM — what is/are your oc's favorite ice cream flavor(s)?

strawberry,,,, he's a very strawberry and banana kinda little guy and strawberry ice cream is just so sweet AND pretty. all pink. important also to note he hates pistachio ice cream (projecting that on him rn)

🎶 MUSICAL NOTES — what type of music does your oc like? do they listen to music very often?

carter listens to all kinds of music!! growing up with peter quill as a father, he ofc listened to a lot of music from the 70's and 80's and they're what he listens to the most nowadays, but he also enjoys pop music a lot and the shrek 2 soundtrack!! he's also a BIG fan of dolly parton

ask me about my ocs!! 💙