#having other people help me with my writing means the whole wild world to me

[oh-no-a-new-hiperfocus-hit-me]

Hello, this is Robin. :) @arson-n-barf @scott-is-hyperfixating

This is my side blog no one knows because I literally never post on here. Anyways here's the first chapter and it might be because I've read it like 5 times already but I hate this with a fierce passion. Like. Anyways, next chapter is Hawks ( because I'm alternating the povs) and it's gonna be ready on Tuesday.

Any ideas and constructive criticism are welcome!

It was late at night and it was dark. A starless sky watched as mere mortals tried and failed to find purpose in life, dying in their never ending search for it. Dabi hummed a soft melody while walking, her hair brushing her burned shoulders ever so lightly. She wore an old black cape that had seen better days, and plain brown shirt and pants. She played mindlessly with the pieces of metal on her face, not only holding her skin together but also adorning her ears and nose.

The town was quiet, most were asleep. Much like Dabis cape, the houses and cabins of wood and stone had seen better. They were dirty and had an abandoned air to them, almost like ghosts were their only inhabitants. The woman could relate to that, she'd always felt very empty, too old, too useless. Unlike her though, the houses, the streets, the village; were all filled with fierce life inside, the dead like outside nothing but a facade to trick strangers.

That became clear once more when Dabi finally decided to end her walk, entering a dark alley. There, a dark door of enchanted wood waited for her. She opened it, the doors handle shining under long fingers. As she stepped inside she was immediately overwhelmed by the amounts of light and noise. The bar roared with vivacity, all kinds of beings drinking and chatting, kissing and fighting even.

They were all citizens of the great kingdom of Akarui, where blood was spilled in the shadows and people were burned at stakes. Not quite people actually, at least not all of them. All mortals perhaps, but all different from each other. For in the world they lived in everyone was different, looked different, behaved differently…

And had unique powers.

Elfs, vampires, dwarfs, fairies. Every kind of magical being you can imagine, all under the rule of one King, and of course the almighty Security Council. Knights and warriors were formed to maintain peace, and to assure the safety of the people. Well, not all people. The loud, weird, "dangerous" ones who were here, never got any protection. Really, as Dabi saw it they rarely got anything at all.

Ignoring all of them as well as the thoughts concerning her old grudge, she went straight to the back. Dabi opened a little hidden curtain, and a long corridor waited for her. She walked to the last door, and kicked it three times. A blue face opened it, eyes filled with rage.

"Fucking shit, you're late!"

"No shit, bitch"

She entered the room without ceremony, throwing herself in her own bed. Her roommate, Shigaraki, looked at her like she had just killed his puppy.

"We have a band to commit to! You can't just do whatever you want!"

"Actually the last time I checked I was my own person who can do whatever the fuck she wants."

"You're insufferable"

"You're an ass"

"Well, you are-"

"Dabi!" The door that connected their room to the other one opened with a loud noise and a girl with blond hair and sharp fangs threw herself into Dabis arms.

"Hey kid" She got up, Toga still clinging to her. "How was your day ?"

"It was awesome! Twice taught me how to make pie and big sister Magne is teaching me archery!"

"Nice."

Dabi was a woman of few words, yet, that didn't seem to diminish Toga's excitement in the least.

"Can we focus on what's important here ? We have a show guys!"

"Is shigaraki whining about us being late to the show again ? Cause' I don't really think the customers are gonna care. They're pretty drunk, you know. Oh, hey Dabi." Compress was standing in the doorway, and she could see Magne and Twice behind him. "How'd your walk around town go ?

"Went well. Nothing much. Nothing new."

The man nodded. He was tall, sun kissed skin under orange clothes and a black mask he never took off.

"Hey-o you guys! Shigarakis kind of right! We better get going!" A tall man with a another black mask and an energy Dabi didn't know how he had, Twice loomed over Compress, wearing all black and gray, though she could see some of his blonde hair shaping the mask.

"Someone's here gotta have a half a brain enough to listen to me." Shigaraki murmured under his breath.

Dabi rolled her eyes but didn't ague. They did need the money from tonight's gig. A couple more days and they would have enough to go to the next town. The owners husband had been kind enough to let them stay here, after all.

As they headed to the stage, Shigaraki and Spinner tuning their guitars while Himiko sat by the piano, Dabi thought she would miss this place. They'd been there for nearly a month, playing in every bar and every party that would have them. It was a small town in the countryside of the kingdom. But unlike others, it was a refuge for outcasts. You could find every kind of being there, from mages to vampires; from nymphs to elves. Rumor had it the town was protected by one of Akaruis most powerful crime families, and so no bigoted people dared to attack it. It was nice.

The woman had many reasons to want to be in monster town, away from the spotlights of the capital. A cold breeze came in through an open window, and with her eyes closed, letting darkness and coldness embrace her, she stepped onto the stage.

▪︎▪︎▪︎

Burned Birdie stay true

Her lungs stang like they were being pierced by a thousand needles.

Burned Birdie stay here

Her lips were dry and her throat hurt.

Burned Birdie don't you prey on me, prey on me

The burned bird was her, and her fire had destroyed its feathers. She didn't want to think about it.

Burned Birdie stay true

The little crowd erupted in applause when the song ended. They'd been there for three hours already, in not so long dawn would be coming, and they were all tired as fuck.

The bartender paid them what the owner owed, not much, but enough. It had to be.

Dabi went back to the room she shared with Shigaraki, while Toga, Twice and Magne went to the room next door, and Compress and Spinner to theirs.

"Holy fuck I think I'm gonna die of thirst." The woman threw herself on the floor, but trying to out dramatic Tomura was never worth it. Motherfucker was a class A drama king.

"Not if I die first" He hit his head against a wall, got a bottle she knew he'd been hiding from everyone in his dirty clothes; and half stumbling, fell, lying next to her.

"Wanna cure your thirst ?" He waved the bottle in her direction.

She gpt it from his hand, laughing. She would feel more thrifty afterwards, her throat hurting even more, her lips even drier; she knew it. But hell if she cared.

▪︎▪︎▪︎

"So you're saying Himiko's new hobby is… writing ?"

"Writing love stories, shiggy."

"Don't fucking call me that. So she was talking to Spinner and Compress, and ?"

"And she wanted to know how to write a… spicy scene with an elf."

"Why the fuck, an elf ?!"

"I think she's writing about her crushes." Dabi took another sip. "Do you remember that dancer who was said to have performed at the princes birthday? She said she can tell he's hot from a painting she saw. So she's writing about that."

"OK but what do they have to do with that ?"

"Well she approached Compress and my man Spinny and told them about her story. And the… and then…" Dabi was already bending in laughter from remembering the man's faces when they'd told her "Then Toga asked Spinner if he'd ever had a lover who was an elf. She asked for details Shiggy. Can you imagine their faces ?"

"Elfs suck" Shigaraki was smiling but seemed to be feeling bittersweet about the story.

"Yeah, kinda. They're hot thou."

Shigaraki made a disagreeing noise, but didn't answer. He looked lost in thought.

At times like this, Dabis thoughts could run free through her mind. The memories she kept in a small locked chest when she was sober, came to her like an ocean wave. But she didn't care. Couldn't bring herself to. For once those tiny, happy children in her memory were distant, not her, not her siblings, but something else entirely.

Shigaraki was looking at the ceiling next to her, clearly almost asleep. She could hear Magnes and Compress snoring. They would have to leave, sure, and she liked the little town of outcasts but as long as she had these freaks with her she'd be ok. No one else was looking after them, no one else would. Tomura was like a brother ( a bratty, annoying, one, but still), they had met ten long year ago, and build something on friendship, music and friendly fighting. Something she wouldn't trade for the world.

Yeah, Dabi had a brother.

More than one, actually, she thought as a bird entered through the broken window, and delivered her a letter.

She had no energy to get up, but she didn't need to. She'd read it tomorrow. The words would wait for her. She fell asleep with the letter in one hand and shigarakis empty bottle in the other.

[pepprs]

not to keep liveblogging the retreat but it’s over now (it has been for most of the day). i cried so much today and it was amazing. im so sad and so happy and so relieved and so tired and so proud

[danwhobrowses]

I'm not sure how much good this vent will do, I'm not even sure I want to post this vent after my last one, but I'm writing it just so it's out of my head and into words because it seems once again fandom has chosen to send vitriol Ashton Greymoore's way.

What for? They talked to a 'specter' of the primordial titan within them, through their connection to the earth, the natural flow of creation and destruction. They ask what will happen to the world, it responds that it'll endure, they ask what of the people, it responds that the strong will survive and the weak will be remade into something stronger, to which Ashton replies they think they understand. To fandom this means that Ashton is becoming a fascist, that they have a 'Make Exandria Great Again' attitude for wanting the Primordials back, that they need to be beaten up or 'get what's coming to them' in order to change their mind, and I can only sit here and stew and wonder if this hate is really well-founded? Ashton is among my favourite characters in C3, I get frustrated by them at times too but if I think about it a big percentage of my frustrations is more towards people disliking them than me disliking things they do, or Matt setting up scenarios that doesn't do them any favours towards the fandom that hates them. Some of these are knee-jerk reactions of course, but for others it does feel like they have it out for Ashton, and I don't wanna engage with that, which makes it quite lonely when most of the fandom hones in on it.

For the most part I can understand how the whole 'the weak will be remade' bit can be taken badly; it's definitely iffy, but every other plan we have is also very iffy. The Release Predathos option literally involves unleashing an entity that wants to genocide the gods, the Maintain Status Quo option ('option' the status quo imo is impossible, in my mind the Gods can stay but the dynamic will still have to change) maintains a relationship where the gods pick and choose who they feel deserves help, using their power to covet more power, strongarm and demand loyalty, and overall choose fellow gods over mortals when the chips are down and not owning up to it. We should also remember that entities can speak in riddles, 'remade into something stronger' doesn't necessarily mean death; it could mean to adapt and grow, to become strong enough to bear and overcome it as many of the PCs of Critical Role have done with their hardships and trauma. It's worth reminding that the sad truth is that people will die whatever outcome happens - the aim is always to lessen the amount but if the Gods leave it's a power vacuum, if we linger too long it's a Calamity, and if the Gods stay it's a holy war on a more wild and less organized scale - and that Ashton isn't saying they approve of such death, merely that they think they understand. The commune doesn't tell Ashton which way to go; it only tells them that the world will endure, there will be change and it will change people, trees will still grow, the wind will still blow, the waves will still flow along the coasts of the sea, and people will survive. I know the interpretation can differ from people thanks to Matt's patented vague or riddle-mounted choices in phrase, but I also think if it was the Wildmother who told Orym or some other follower that 'nature is a cycle, everything must adapt to change or else it'll die - this world will change, but it will also survive' nobody would be calling Orym a fascist, people would accept it because the Wildmother's domain is nature, and nature is not always kind.

While we're mentioning Orym - and because this is gonna come off as critical I must preface that I like and enjoy All of the Hells, that's not changed - I also gotta call it out here because it does very much feel like the people who hate Ashton hate them for the reasons they love Orym. Both are stubborn, they're diligent in their personal code, they care deeply for their friends and would give their whole being just to keep them safe, they believe in the Hells' power and greatness more than each member does and more than they believe in their own, but Ashton gets the hate mainly because these fans agree more with Orym on the god stuff. What confuses me though is how these same haters can despise Ashton for being consistent but love Braius, the literal Devil Worshipper who secretly is on board with the Chase Away plan only so he can help the Devil rule the world, the compulsive liar. Where's Braius' scrutiny? A world under Asmodeus will be a far worse 'survival of the fittest' scenario, why does Braius get a pass in all this stuff huh? Because he's funny? Seems people ignore the whole morality talk when they're discussing Braius' dedication to Exandrian Satan.

I find it irksome too that even the group seem to criticize Ashton reaching out to Primordials too - as if that wasn't what we wanted them and Fearne to do anyway. They don't dislike the gods simply because they're a 'great entity', it's because they're a great entity that holds power and doesn't use it equally or fairly; they pick and choose who to help, a lot of the time in Ashton's experience for their own self-service, but they won't prioritize mortals over another god no matter who cruel or heinous the god is being, and the following of these gods are so intertwined with politics that most religious motivation also ends up being political. Ashton has no connection to the gods, they reached out and got nothing, an Angel looked at them and made them feel like nothing, but they do have a connection to the Primordials; from the Earth Golem to the Titan Empress they're literally a vessel of, they experienced something significant in their connection to the Earth, so I don't like how that they're almost mocked for having it. In addition, Ashton's behaviour during this commune differs because of that connection, but also because the titans are a natural flow; they don't demand or test or politic or prejudice, and despite being a Great Entity in its own right it never made sure Ashton felt small for their own satisfaction, they asked a question and got an answer, it's the same reason Ashton has disdain for most political leaders but likes and respects Keyleth, Allura, Kima, Pike, and (eventually) Percy despite also being people in power. To call on Orym and the Wildmother as an example again; Orym's an Air Ashari, the Ashari are guardians of the Elemental Planes - made from the Primordials - not tied to a god, but nobody criticizes his connection to the Wildmother despite both not being a follower and his culture being more tethered to Primordials and their descendants. I'm not saying it's all correct for Ashton to want things to go back to how Primordials ruled, but we must remind ourselves also that we only know a story written by victors when it comes to the Schism - a story which could very easily have been altered and edited to make it feel more justified for the Primes and mortals to actively genocide all the Primordials, the native species and creators of this world, and desecrate their remains to make weapons, soul anchors, and cities - the specter didn't say 'fuck em, all mortals should die' after all, if they believe mortals would survive then they must be at the least tolerant of mortal existence. Why is it okay for god followers to say they wanna keep the world with the gods they have a connection to (and I'm not saying they aren't) but Ashton is out of line for wanting to have a world which has something active that they also have a connection to? It seems rather unfair to allow one side to have and the other to have not, picking and choosing because our audience's bias has spent more time with the gods, Ashton wanting something they can connect to doesn't feel all wrong either, the Eidolons still exist with faint worship hiding away so they're not smited by the gods, why can't faith exist so they're not in hiding? I sincerely doubt the Punk Rock that is Ashton is asking for the Primordials to fill the Gods' roles the same way the Gods have been running things either, they want to break the throne remember? There needs to be a balance in ideals and practice of course, and in an ideal world there could even be a more fluid and all-inclusive Exandria where gods and Eidolons live harmoniously with mortals without hierarchy and class systems, I think Ashton could happily live with something like that, they did say the world needs 'a little chaos' to call back to Matt hinting that the current world doesn't have enough.

Which leads us to those wishing violence upon Ashton - and I really don't like that. People who say 'hitting them over the head is the only language they understand' seem to misinterpret Ashton as if everyone around them have been on their hands and knees begging Ashton to reconsider and them ignoring valid points and pulling a Leroy Jenkins. In reality, nobody is actually talking to Ashton about it, a lot of the frustration with Bells Hells right now is that they aren't talking to each other, even about the end goal! Ashton has valid reasons for their thinking, so being violent isn't gonna change their mind; undermining, dehumanizing and trying to effectively bully anyone let alone someone with chronic pain and low self worth will never truly convince them to your way of thinking. All people understand the language of violence, but that language is not used justly, those who truly wish violence upon Ashton don't want it in hopes it'll force Ashton to change their mind, they want it for their own satisfaction of seeing them in pain; so they can further push them away from the rest of the group and go 'that guy's not one of us', make it so the people Ashton calls family after a lifetime of loneliness, confusion and abandonment - the people they promised they won't abandon, and have kept true on that promise even at their lowest - make them feel small and worthless, and force them into box where they can't be themselves, and I hate that people would want to treat them that way. Ashton IS capable of listening; they've stepped back and trusted the other Hells to do their own thing even when it's ridiculous like staging a play where they pretend to be Ludinus to trick Unseelie emissaries into thinking that he attacked them, they listened to the gods even when they didn't have to like they promised they would and despite it being very personal they held themselves back for the benefit of the group, and if the group talked to them calmly where they were all allowed to healthily discuss the pros and cons, the ideals and compromises, and the risk and reward of all plans that have been proposed then they would listen, and they would try - you don't need to slice bread with a broadsword.

Will Ashton 'get what's coming to them'? Maybe, but what is that exactly? We only assume to know the full vision of what Ashton wants to act on. All of Bells Hells are gonna face the consequences of the choice they make on Ruidus - when they finally make one that is - in and out of the world they live in, so won't that apply to everyone? So what for Ashton? do people want Fractures 2.0? Does everything Ashton wants in life have to blow up violently in their face? Family, Closure, their best friend's safety, why does 'what's coming to them' have to be something aggressive and harmful? People change through positive reinforcement and good experiences too! Caduceus Clay would remind you that it's love that makes people. Don't mistake this rant as me wanting Ashton to be exactly as they are now, I too want to see growth from Ashton and we ARE seeing it happen; I see it in small instances where they think twice about rash actions and try not to fly off the handle, when they sit just to listen or understand or to defuse tension, and that when they're going somewhere or doing something they let the group know in advance, those who think Ashton hasn't changed since ep. 1 aren't paying close attention, but that doesn't mean that they don't still have more ground to cover. I believe that Ashton grows the most through kindness; when they're treated like a person and not a blunt instrument or a nuisance, and I hope what's 'coming' for Ashton isn't rejection, bitterness, and isolation, but acceptance, empathy, and for someone - if you know me you'd know who I'd want it to be - to convince them that they are worthy of living, that they're special not because of their powers or blood or because they have died and been put back together again (honestly, it does irk me a little that both Keyleth and Imogen chose that for titles and to brag to the Matron, I know it isn't intended this way but sometimes it feels like saying 'your best defining quality is that you've died a lot') but because while they have every reason to hate everything they still chose to be kind to those who deserve kindness, they have a good heart and they mean well. Are they perfect? No! They're in their 20s very few people irl have their lives together at even twice that age, but I want them to have good things in their life; things that help them feel happy and safe and like they can still feel comfortable in their own skin without having to appear more 'palatable' for people who've already decided that they don't like them. I want them to know that they've always deserved to live and they still deserve it now, I want that not just for Ashton but for all the Hells, and hopefully they'll all live to have it.

And most of all I want the people who hate them to be wrong about Ashton Greymoore, and I want Taliesin to prove them wrong.

[yoru-no-seiiki]

https://www.tumblr.com/yoru-no-seiiki/751614308271718400/hii-so-like-ive-been-starving-for-yandere-eren

def something w/ canon eren! but other than that you can could go as wild as u want! :p

god where do i start?? i’ll mostly write for early seasons eren since i refuse to watch the whole thing until i’m done with season one on my quotev book as a motivator but i’ll add some tidbits that i got from other fanfics. go check it (my book) out btw!! it’s called Walk With Me!! (currently on the next chapter which is around 10k words atm huhu)

as always he’s aged up to 18 during enlistment and massive spoilers for those that don’t know the lore/story yet.

MDNI. DDDNE!!

yandere! eren is a force of absolute willpower. he is obsessive, he is protective, and very much goddamn possessive. he needs you, he needs you to need him too if not moreso. he grew up in a very traditional household and expected to be the provider in the family. the least you could do is have him in your thoughts at all times.

if you want max yandere! potential with him, it’s best to have known him even before armin. be close family friends. maybe your parents worked with his dad since marley and were similarly banished (but not turned into mindless titans).

as children he’d always been protective of you. he’d always stick to you like glue. and because of future him’s influence over grisha and essentially your parents, you were arranged to even sleep in the same bed.

but this sort of backfired in the long run cause you saw him as this annoying brother figure that just wouldn’t stop bothering you.

and one day you just blurt out, tired of the suffocation you felt with your friend, with your parents that vehemently kept pushing you two together, of everything in your life that you couldn’t control.

“i wonder what it’s like beyond the walls.”

i feel like armin would still be the true trigger of eren’s obsession with the outside and freedom (after all, he doesn’t give a shit about yours so why and how would you influence him in that area?), but you probably pushed him in terms of the survey corps.

you were dumb at the time. i mean as a kid, who isn’t? so you announced to literally everyone you knew that you planned to join the military and eventually explore the outside world.

you didn’t really understand the concept of death and all but whatever that was, you still thought it would be better than eren’s basically isolating you from anything that moves.

you dont truly understand death until eren kills those intruders in mikasa’s house right in front of you.

you were supposed to help him, but only stood there frozen in fear.

thankfully mikasa awakened just in time, with eren shouting at her to save you.

speaking of mikasa, her true allegiance/ackerman blood thingy is still with eren in this fic but i headcannon that since his first command was to for her to fight for you she also has the same knee jerk reaction for whenever she perceives you’re being harmed.

in anycase, that day ™️ happens and you all start training.

it had already been obvious since you were teens but eren started looking at you from a different angle. the sexual kind.

your lack of contact with other people due to his influence had made you a bit of a pushover, as such he’d often coerce you into sex or other related acts.

i mean, you had to pity him! he never had the opportunity to explore and act on his urges. mans stayed a virgin til he enlisted and he’s pent up. you try to argue that it’s cause he was so hung up on revenge that he’s bitchless but that only leads to him questioning you if you’ve been seeing other people behind his back.

i mean you two were basically together, why would he see other people? don’t tell him that you’ve been … cheating on him? how could you!

so yeah he does the same thing to mikasa (the manipulation not the sex lol) and forces her to guard the two of you during your ‘trysts’ (which is just him, the inexperienced boy rutting into you and getting off while you stood/laid there uncomfortable silence)in addition to basically shutting down whatever feelings she might have brewing for him (poor mikasa dude)

but surprisingly eren is the most lax to you during this time period. despite the literal r*pe, he basically allowed you to roam around and do whatever for a change. frankly, it was mostly cause he had to catch up in terms of training, but also cause his FREEDOM ideal is the strongest during this phase.

anddd depending on your behavior you might get pimped out. only to those that he can trust though. god even jean got a taste of you because he lost a bet. he promptly beats up the man afterwards though.

if you’re more focused on training and acquiesce to his demands (hormones) however you’ll be enjoying the only three years of your life where eren’s presence wasn’t looming like dread of your death by a titan’s hands.

now i can’t vouch for how accurate i can portray later seasons eren but basically he’s the worst in yan levels at that point.

once he can fully utilize his powers there is literally no escape for you, not even his death, unless you have some sort of power that hides your ass. he’d already prepared for everything from your captivity to how your life will be like after his inevitable demise.

like i said before, he’d be the type to give you an illusion of freedom. he hates the idea of being caged and vice versa. so specifically speaking after his death and the end of the series, you’ll go from being stuck in a remote area to being free but with hundreds of armed guards watching your every move. hell maybe even the whole “town/village/city” you live in will all just be paid actors he had staged. he will never let you move on from him. whether you like it or not, you’re his in life, in death, as he is dying, and beyond that.

[bonbon-bonny]

I don't usually write a whole lot but I wanted to talk about this for a moment

Ahem. *flips through notes*

So I loooove Sailor Moon. Specifically the 90s version. It was my favorite show growing up. My home life was difficult and to see someone like Usagi with a perfect family, a perfect boyfriend etc. getting to live her best life despite the fact she herself wasn't perfect was too easy to become a bit obsessive over ^_^;

well, let's just say I wanted to be Usagi just a bit too much because my world, my family (Side note: I looove my family! They did the best they could to take care of me growing up, but we had to deal with an unusual circumstance that made it hard for all of us), heck just even being myself didn't feel good enough and frankly it left me having to confront a lot of issues just to be okay with who I am now.

And of course ,naturally, I looooved Tuxedo Kamen XD. On the outside to me, he seemed perfect; a knight in shining armor.

But I always kept running into a particular conversation which is "why do you like him so much tho? He seems like a jerk. He seems so different from her. He never shows her affection. She'd be better off with someone like Seiya who's more on her level. He's useless. He's bad for trying to help her because she's a girl boss and doesn't need to be rescued." Like, seriously the amount of criticism I've heard towards this character is wild and he literally gets attacked no matter what he does.

And you know I get it. If you just look at it from a surface level it's easy to maybe get that impression of him but after one particular conversation I was having with a friend of mine about it I stopped and asked myself why. Why does she like him? why does he like her? how can two people who outwardly look so different from each other ever be in a healthy relationship? what could the two of them possibly have in common?

So I did what I do best and I watched the show I grew up with carefully. I observed him. I watched the things he said and did. And in the end I reached several conclusions.

Mamoru isn't perfect, at least in the beginning, but he's always trying to do his best to be. With almost anyone else in the show he's usually calm, collected and somewhat reserved. The only person besides Motoki he seems to act out a bit with if you can call it that IS Usagi and half of the time it's not even that he's actually being mean.

[IF you watch the Japanese version with subtitles, because in the English dub? Ooph! they changed so much of his dialogue and gave him such a smirky voice it's hard to listen to him without wanting to punch him in the face imo.]

It's that the way she perceives him is off. Also, sometimes it's not even HIM that starts the arguments.

Sometimes SHE'S the one who starts their spats and he snaps back at her. Sometimes she hits him with shoes and papers and doesn't seem to care.

One episode that comes to mind is the Dreamland episode where the toy train stops and she rams into him. All he did was look at her and say hi and immediately she got defensive and started making fun of him.

Making fun of an orphan sitting on a toy train who most likely was just trying to do something fun that he never got to because he didn't HAVE a family to take him as a kid.

Seriously. If you were to be in his place, going through this world, it's rather scary, stressful, terrifying, and uncertain.

He didn't get a magical talking cat to walk him through his powers. Instead he got seizures and psychic visions, and a past life version of himself that took over his body without consent until he finally got the rainbow crystal and understood what was happening around him.

He gets amnesia not once but twice, kidnapped several times, and gets trapped in his own mind twice ala brainwashing by beryl and Nehelenia and by stars I wouldn't be surprised if half of the reason he went to study abroad instead of staying with Usagi is because he was afraid if he did he'd only continue to be a burden for her, because the man hardly has any dialogue and seems almost catatonic.

Also let's be real here. As amazing as it was for him to meet and talk with his future self it probably scared him. The responsibility of literally being King of the world, of making decisions that could impact the lives of everyone in tremendous ways. Of being the kind of partner and provider he thinks Usagi deserves or being a good father for Chibi-Usa when he didn't get to have parents to show him what those things looked like.

He didn't get a loving family to support him or tell him that they loved him, he was an orphan who probably hoped someone would eventually rescue him but no one ever did.

He probably feels in his heart that he doesn't deserve to be loved by anyone, and even if someone were to pursue him romantically he probably couldn't reciprocate in any meaningful way because he's most likely too closed off emotionally to be in a healthy relationship with anyone.

Heck the guy only for the most part has only two best friends. Motoki and Saori and frankly I'd hardly even call Saori a best friend since she literally just shows up in an episode in Super S as "Romantic competition" for Usagi and then just ups and vanishes and is never mentioned ever ever again.

So how does someone like him see Usagi and wind up constantly sacrificing his life over and over again for her?

Three words:

She. Sees. Him.

Once she starts to look at him a bit differently instead of seeing him as some tall guy running around with his stupid green jacket with his prickly personality, once she realizes that it was him trying to rescue her when she was so close to the brink of death on occasions and getting injured in the process, once he opens up to her about his struggles she sees him. Not just because he's a hero, but because even if it's hard for him he still tries to help her. A lot of times he even gives her really sound advice that she winds up listening to even if at the time he tells her she doesn't seem to understand him and takes it the wrong way.

He probably also deep down worries that he truly doesn't deserve someone like her.

Even if we don't always see it from the outside he adores Usagi because she sees him for who he is and doesn't ask him to be more outgoing or different.

Usagi adores him because he doesn't ask her to be anything other than who she really is.

Both of them accept the other as they truly are inside. THAT is true love.

You don't really get the chance to see what their relationship looks like from the outside. But he smiles a lot when he's with her which is certainly not something he really ever did with Rei or anyone else from what I could tell. And I bet when he does take her out on dates he's embarrassed and flustered and stumbles but he also probably takes off his mask and tries to make her happy and have a good time.

Also I'd like to add some notes on King Endymion and the violet. Why so much violet? Like....an overwhelming amount of violet XD I never understood why when I was younger but as I've grown up I've spent some time delving into subjects such as Psychology, Spirituality, and Philosophy.

Ladies and gentlemen, Violet is the color of the crown chakra.

https://www.chakras.info/crown-chakra/

Crown chakras deal with the mental and the spiritual. They are a gateway to enlightenment and in my opinion perhaps one could even say that the journey of mental health and enlightenment are two sides of the same coin.

So I'd like to think that for as much as Mamoru might struggle with his mental health, he also walked the path towards true enlightenment. Such a man truly should be King of the World and is more than deserving of being Usagi's partner.

And I'd die for a relationship with a man who is brave enough to confront the things which makes him suffer because I'd know that he'd have the clarity of mind to be a good partner, to treat me with kindness and compassion and show me the kind of love I've always dreamed of having, and that's something only someone who has love for themselves and others could ever possibly be able to give. He doesn't need to be perfect, because perfection is unattainable. He just needs to be brave enough to try even if it makes him deeply uncomfortable at times.

So,

To the men who truly and deeply identify with Mamoru, know I'd marry you in a heartbeat if you asked. That if you showered me in chocolate and flowers I'd do the exact same thing for you because you deserve it. Anyone who is brave enough to do the work necessary to heal and grow, to have kindness and compassion for others, to show me that even if I'm not perfect that it's still okay to be myself around you deserves every happiness in the world.

Not everyone is brave enough to do such a thing and I've come to a point in my life where I'm not interested in what someone can give me externally as much as I am in the kind of person they choose to be and what their values are.

Maybe some people might look at someone like Mamoru and judge him, but Usagi most certainly never would once she got to know him; and considering I've always wanted to be her I'll die on this hill defending him. Out of everyone, Usagi WOULD defend him from the judgement, from the criticism, of the need to be perfect and wear masks, or be something other than what he truly is on the inside.

Mamoru is more than just a knight in shining armor,

He's beautiful imperfection; and I'd choose that over anything else any day.

@heavyheartedprinceofearth

[groovebunker]

i’m gonna be obnoxious about this and people are just going to have to be cool about that. yes? good.

happy birthday to what would you do (if they ever found us out) (affectionately known as wwyd)!!! a year ago today, i posted chapter one and (i’m not being dramatic here) i think it changed my life?

little backstory: i’m a dyke with eyes and a type, so when i watched fran drescher making impassioned speeches about labour rights, i was both smitten and reminded that i’d been meaning to watch the nanny. i was also (mostly unbeknownst to me) about as mentally ill as i’ve ever been in my life. i was halfway through a phd which i loved but it was making me so, so unwell. anyway, i started watching the nanny as some kind of escapism and one night, i was like…has anyone thought of fran and cc kissing on the mouth? and they had (obviously) and so i started thinking about that and how whine cellar is a deeply disappointing episode in so many ways and then i was like ‘i can fix that! with a one shot!’.

fast fwd to april 2024. i’m in my favourite city in the world. i’m posting the 11th chapter of that one shot far too late at night (sorry sara). it’s ended up about 85k words long. i’m no longer a phd candidate. i’m significantly less mentally ill. and i’ve spent the last 8 or so months being held by a group of people i would never have met if i had never started writing again.

i didn't quit my phd to write fan fiction, obviously. but writing fic helped me realise how unhappy i was because it was something that gave me joy in a time that was so fucking bleak. i don't really like thinking about it too much but it wasn't great. and then i had this lifeline. these two idiots (affectionate) falling in love with one another, not only in wwyd but all the other fics i was writing. and talking about with people who were commenting and finding me on tumblr. and then, eventually, we weren't just talking about fran and cc, we were talking about our lives! because we were friends!

people will tell you before you start a phd that it's a lonely experience. i was the only history student in my cohort. i only met one of my supervisors in person at his leaving drinks. i have two friends i met at my uni, one of whom was the first person i told that i had to quit. i had other friends and an incredible, loving, patient partner, and they were amazing. but still, it was lonely.

and then i just fucking wasn't.

january ‘24, the squad evolved from being my stupid tumblr tag to being the most chaotic group chat i have ever been part of (until nic got us nicely organised). a week or so later, i quit the phd. and i told a bunch of people i’d never met that i was dropping out of grad school and they were so fucking kind. i will never forget that. the squad, in all its iterations, will have my heart for my whole life. i will not rest until i have annoyed you all in person. my dream is winning the lottery and flying you all to a villa in spain for a week so i can cook you dinner (and cass can make bread) every night and drink wine and splash about in the sun (or in sara’s case, hide in the shade and probably yell at us to put sun screen on). when i say i love you, i mean it so wholly and truly.

anyway, back to wwyd. it’s not my first fic. i’ve been writing on and off for 15 long, long years. but i hadn't written a ton for a while (other than my aloto fic bc gretson my beloved) and i really kind of expected to get a couple of comments and a few kudos. i just had a story that wanted to get out so i published the first few chapters in really rather quick succession (i’m sorry to anyone who reads my stuff, my adhd is too bad for a posting schedule) and people…loved it? like, really loved it. which was so nice because i’m gonna be honest, there was not an adoring audience for my academic work (perils of being a genocide scholar). and i know it's become quite a few people’s comfort fic. i know people have reread it, more than once in some cases, which feels wild. people have left the most wonderful comments, said the kindest things, drawn gorgeous art, made a fanmix (which is fucking amazing), followed along on this journey which i did not expect them to do.

i don't have favourite children (b&w fans, i promise you, the next chapter is in the works) but if i did, wwyd might be one. sure, she's my difficult eldest child. but she got me into a fandom for the first time in years, she’s given me friends i know I will hold onto for the rest of my life, she reminded me how much fun writing can be. and she’s spawned so much more because she made me so much more confident as a writer.

so i don't think i’m being overdramatic when i say it changed my life. if you’d told me all of this when i hit publish on chapter one last year, i would have told you to fuck off. relatively vehemently. but i’m better now. and i’m so fucking grateful for this fic for being part of what gave me that.

anyway, thanks for letting me be a bit self indulgent - promise you don't have to sit through this ever again (maybe for won't you when i finally get it done. i’m sorry. i’m verbose). and once again, to everyone who has read wwyd, given it kudos, commented, reblogged a chapter on tumblr, all of it, my eternal thanks. i couldn't have done it without you.

finally, because i cannot say it enough, to the squad, you have my whole heart. it’s actually mad to me that this time last year, i had no idea who any of you were. your stamp on the last few chapters of wwyd is indelible. your stamp on my life is somehow more permanent than that. thank you. ilsym 🫶🏻

[sarahreesbrennan]

Hello! If IOL were to get adapted into a TV show (or film I suppose), what are some things you'd be excited for, or things you'd want revealed that we don't get from Elliot's POV?

(also fun fact: my name is Elliot too! It may or may not have been very helpful in getting me to read the book three years ago)

Hi Elliot! A fine name. :)

The silver screen by its nature allows us into more points of view - it’s why my TV tie-ins always had more and briefer PoVs than I usually write, to give the same effect as a moving camera. And In Other Lands is a very limited third by design, since we really have to feel Elliot’s feelings to be in it with him. So immediately a visual, more-on-the-surface medium would open the story up to more reveals - there’s a lot to be done with Serene and Luke, and (for my money) with Captain Woodsinger, Golden, Adara and Myra.

The question also arises what the director’s or showrunner’s vision is, because the showrunner would not be me. There are so many different ways to tell a tale.

If they’re going gritty child soldiers, there’s more to be done with the wars between the different peoples, with dryads and dwarves, and with Delia Winterchild and her lost twin. If they’re going, say, romcom like a fantasy Heartstopper, we’re probably putting Wings In the Morning and In Other Lands in a blender and starting with the characters 15 and up. If they’re doing children’s adventure a la (gayer, weirder) Percy Jackson, we might meet the key three waking up in their respective settings on the day they head off to the Border camp - Serene exiting in a rebellious huff after blazing row with her mother, Luke worried under the weight of loving expectation, Elliot totally clueless and friendless in another world - are these children going to meet? What will hap— Holy SHIT the redhead is being rude! But we’d get it, because we saw where he came from.

The mood of a story is often dictated by what information you parcel out when.

And TV throws curveballs. (Movies less often.) What if the Elliot and Adara actors had lightning-in-a-bottle chemistry? What if Luke and Dale did? I hardly dare imagine. But then again, if it was a She-Ra-style animated series, that would be far less likely. So it’s hard to say what I’d be excited for, as I wouldn’t know what to expect!

I’d be really excited if they did any kind of series, because that’s such a show of faith in my work. And it would mean more job security, and new covers, and more chances for me to get more readers and perhaps most important of all to write more in the In Other Lands world… which (more on this later) I would love to do.

A show is always a wild shot - I’d always try to think of the books as my first concern, as they might do something totally bonkers with an adaptation. (Me, if Luke and Serene fell in romantic love while Elliot died a cowardly weasel’s death: What Show? I Cannot Perceive the Moving Pictures, I Just Do Not Know.) Buuuut, if it ever did happen, I would love to see more of the interdynamics at the Border camp, stuff that flew totally over Elliot’s head. I’d love to have Golden introduced earlier. I’d love to have the harpies in sooner, but as a sinister presence until the big reveal. And of course, channeling my inner Elliot, I’d love to see the mermaids. Throw the whole budget at mermaids!

Thanks for asking, and dreaming with me. 💜

[neptune-scythe]

Do you ever think about how Kaz making sure Inej is reunited with her brother is so he doesn't have to deal with his own grief?

Hear me out

Obviously he cares about Inej and wants her to have her family back and that's his main focus, or at least his main focus consciously

But here's the thing

They're mirrors of each other. Two people who lost brothers, Kaz's is gone forever ... But inej's is still out there (probably). Now we all know Kaz has never dealt with his grief, and probably barely even acknowledges it, mostly because he doesn't know how. That's not something people just ... Know how to do, grief is a process and if you don't have a single other person to help you or even be the slightest bit supportive it's going to be nearly impossible to grieve in a healthy way. Let alone being in a constant state of survival mode having to watch your back all the time because you're a kid in a very dangerous place and pretty much ever single person is an enemy, or at least not someone trustworthy or helpful. But I hella digress my bad

My point is Kaz hasn't dealt with the loss of his brother (why have I not used his name once? Bitch idfk my bad Jordie you deserve better bestie), which was a meaningless death. And by that I mean Jordie didn't sacrifice himself for some cause, he wasn't a casualty of a greater issue ... He just died. Because that what people do.

And especially for a kid who's all alone with not a single soul left on the earth who gives a damn about him, that's a pretty tricky concept to grasp. That your whole world, the most imporant person in your life could just die ... Just be completely gone in a moment. Thus why Kaz immediately blames Pekka and devotes his life to revenge, even though Pekka was only indirectly involved in Jodie's death. But blaming Pekka gives his death a meaning, it means there's something he can do to make it mean something.

Once again super digressed from my main point whoopsieeee. Hope y'all are enjoying the wild ride of my thoughts rn (I'm literally just stream of consciousness writing this shit, and for shits and giggles imma leave it that way no edits this is a first draft post you're welcome)

N E WAY

Jodie's death WAIT A SECOND HOW MANY TIMES HAS IT AUTOCORRECTED TO JODIE 💀

I'll never know because I'm not rereading this shit

Anyway

JORDIE's death meant nothing, and Kaz's revenge on Pekka didn't give it meaning either ... Which he probably knew deep down that it wouldn't. But those are the kinds of thoughts we ✨silence✨ because we need the rage for vengeance to keep us alive and doing things.

Now back to Inej and Harij.

Reuniting them will for Kaz make his own situation mean something (in my opinion don't at me these my head canon thoughts). That even though he can't bring his own brother back, he can bring back hers. And knowing that they're together will make his own grief a little easier to bear. It balances it out, if you will.

Two brothers lost, one brother found. Good math

OK BUT ALSO HAVE YOU CONSIDERED

Harij is Inej's younger brother

So consider Kaz is doing it as much for him as for Inej. He's making sure another little boy (he's obviously not a little boy anymore but like ... He was 12 ((idk how old he'd be know)) and that's plenty young) doesn't have to lose his older sibling forever.

And also consider

Kaz knows he doesn't deserve Inej, he knows he most likely won't always have her ... And more importantly she won't always have him.

He won't always be able to protect her, to keep her safe. But her brother could. Her brother could be there for her and her support her and even do a far better job (probs idk what bros personality is like but I bet Kaz Brekker is assuming shit too) than Kaz could. So by reuniting her with her brother he's making sure she's taken care of, that even if he lets her down, she'll never be alone.

Because real talk her

Y'all are allowed to have your head canons and shit I am NOT gatekeeping

But canonically Kaz Brekker is not the jealous or possessive type. If Inej wanted to leave him for someone else he'd be upset yeah but he's knows full well Inej is a living Saint and worth far more than he could ever deserve in a billion lifetimes, and he's also far more concerned with her happiness and well-being than what she can provide for him.

So he'd be satisfied being away from her, not knowing a single thing about her life, as long as he knows her brother is there with her.

He doesn't need to take care of her, he just needs to know that she is taken care of.

I rest my case

Send tweet

Thank you for coming to my TedTalk 🫡

(addition because I did actually reread it and damn I somehow forgot my entire point???

So yeah

About him using reuniting Harij and Inej as a way to avoid dealing with his grief.

It's like this

Brother dies

Kaz goes straight to revenge, never actually processes any of it, just jumps straight into making Pekka pay for it ... Which tbh is dealing with it in a sense but it's in a very passive way of going straight to doing without ever processing ... If that makes sense.

And that's repaying violence with violence, which leads to more violence. It's a cycle of destruction that Kaz is playing into, which is very hard to get out of once it starts.

But reuniting Harij and Inej is a break in that cycle. It's Kaz using his own pain as motivation and incentive to do something that will heal others. And making sure that neither Inej nor Harij get caught in the same cycle as Kaz did, it's using his own knowledge of that cycle to protect others from it. And more specifically, he doesn't know how to heal himself, he doesn't know how to move on or process and grieve, he doesn't know how to leave the cycle ... So he's helping Inej and Harij heal from their pain instead, and making sure they never enter the cycle.

Because he probably is well aware that revenge isn't the healthiest way to channel grief (but bro doesn't care because Pekka needs to be put in his place and we stan him for that), but channeling it into helping someone he loves is healthy.

And real talk here

Kaz probably believes he will never move on or heal from Jordie's death. Thus him being trapped in the ouroboros of suffering ... And go with me here.

If we view the ouroboros (snake eating its own tail if y'all don't know) as a literal scenario Kaz is trapped in, it's a mental prison basically, and one he has accepted that he will never leave. His fate is sealed, and he can't do anything to save himself from that.

BUT even if he can't ever break out of the ouroboros, he can keep others out, he can't save himself but he can save others from being trapped there as well.

And because of this he won't have to deal with the fact that he's trapped, he can focus all his energy on keeping others out ... And it gives it meaning. That even though he's trapped forever and can't do anything for himself, he can do something for other people because of it. Because the only way to avoid the ouroboros is if someone inside warns you.

That was a wild metaphor I hope that made sense lol

Also once again these are my head canons and I wrote it from Kaz's perspective so to speak, so when I say things like He cAn NEVer HeAl that's because that's what he thinks (imo) not what is objectively true. Healing is absolutely possible and bro can get it he just doesn't know it yet.)

[turtletaubwrites]

Turtletaub Blog, WIP, & Health Update

I wanted to put this out there so no one freaks out! My daily queue is going to run out in a few days. I initially used the queue for my adhd, so I wouldn’t spam you for three weeks and then forget to reblog things for months, and I didn’t tag it before since I was on here everyday. Now that it’s going to run out, I’ll be adding to it and I’ll tag it as #turtlequeb

Things have still been unfun over here lately, but I’m okay, and health things are hopefully looking up. There's a health/life update/ramble below the cut if you're interested.

Part 32 is almost done, and I’m going bonkers waiting for y’all to read it. The current life situations have taken up a lot of my free time and energy, but it’s soo close! 😭

I’m also working on a brief dossier for our suitors since I’ve done way too much research on these guys, and I know how hard it is to keep track of all of these characters in this giant One Piece world!

I miss y’all so much. I feel extra yucky that in my current struggles I’m having such a hard time focusing and connecting, especially since this community has helped me get through such difficult times. I’m really hoping that I can get back to the things I enjoy soon, especially interacting with my favorite internet fiends! 🥰

Health/life update below the cut: (cw health, mental health, medications, side effects, depression, bipolar disorder, doctors)

It’s wild just how much medication can help people.

Without the Lamictal that I took for three years, I have reverted into severe depression, and it has been debilitating.

It’s like I WAS an adult with full control (lol, mostly) over my mental and physical capacities, but now that I'm off the medication, I have reverted to a child, a preteen, a helpless human with no ability to regulate my own emotions, or even influence my own behaviors.

For the last three years, I was finally able to utilize my intellect, my experience, and my wisdom, while dealing with stressful situations.

Now I feel like I'm 13 again, lost, desperately clinging to distractions to keep from dying inside, from falling apart, or disappearing.

But it turns out that the whole reason for going off of the medication might have been avoided.

During these treasured three years of mental stability, I experienced symptoms that negatively impacted my physical, and mental health. I went to doctor after doctor for this unusual issue, only to be told that there was nothing to be done.

Until I finally got the referral to a specialist last week, and they immediately diagnosed the actual issue, and said that the other concern was false.

So all of this suffering could have been avoided if one of the 10+ primary care or ER doctors I've begged for help these last 3 years would have said "you know what, this is an unusual and persistent situation, why don't I refer you to a specialist," instead of "this condition you're describing is incurable, take these pills, there's nothing else we can do" (even though it is NOT NORMAL to have these issues consistently for 3 years).

The new specialist caught me dissociating after diagnosing the issue in under five minutes. When I asked about the new med they were prescribing, they apologized that I hadn't been given the opportunity to take it before.

I now have to wait 3 months on this (non psychiatric) med to see if those symptoms will be finally be helped, but now that means I have to/get to retry the mood stabilizer, or something else since Lithium, Concerta, and Hydroxyzine are clearly not enough to keep me functioning.

I fucking advocate for myself y'all, but I was misdiagnosed, and kept getting sent away in tears. Now I'm spacey, dissociated. Still too scared and hurt to hope that this new thing will help.

I'm tired.

All I want to do is write. I will literally take whatever pill lets me get back to my preferred writing schedule. Gimme.

I'm trying not to let guilt pile up about not connecting, about not being able to write like I could when I wasn't severely depressed. Logic brain and depresso brain don't mix though, and my pile of unanswered comments and unread fics here and on Ao3 have been making me sad.

But it's just because I love this lil world, and I WANT to be here. I plan to try Lamictal again, or something else in about a month since I want to give the new med some time to observe any side effects.

For now, my mood stabilizer of choice is endless reaction videos of therapists and rappers reacting to Hi Ren, The Hunger, and Chalk Outlines. Ren's music fucking gets into me when nothing else can, and I'm trying TRYING to remember the lines that sit me down when I start to spiral.

It's helping me write to see him use his pain and trauma to create absolute beauty.

This is a giant ramble, but one more thing, I swear!

When I began writing for our Numbers Girl, and even when we got into her backstory, and trauma things started coming up, I didn't think about it like this. Since I've been diagnosed and medicated for 3 years, my ability to manage most of my psychological symptoms felt amazing. Those conditions went from being disabling to manageable and it was freeing. Writing about dissociation and trauma was easy because I know it all too well, it was satisfying because I wish I had found media to relate to when I was deep in it, and it was healing, because I was on the other side of it.

Now I'm back there. I did not mean to write a reader character dealing with mental health trauma while in the middle of it myself.

Hopefully I can hop back on some meds in a few weeks, and have the physical and mental symptoms I've been struggling with ease up.

I'm a trying.

It just made me sad laugh a couple of times while writing our Numbers Girl going through it recently, because I am now right there with her instead of reaching my hand down the deep, dark hole to help her climb into the light.

But we'll get through it together, and having such wonderful, supportive people cheering on my healing and writing is incredible. I can't begin to describe how grateful I am to all of you, and how excited I am to get back into this amazing community.

Just gotta go easy. Soften. Relax.

Thank you for reading 🙏🏼

Lynna 💜✨

[icelynia]

Some tips to actually read the Bible!

If you’re like me and struggle with reading your Bible, here are some tips! Hopefully ADHD/Neurodivergent friendly ones.

Get a journal/study Bible- I cannot say how much this has helped me! Instead of having a separate notebook I need to take with me/open on my phone, I can just write right in it! Highly recommend.

Don’t judge versions- Now some versions are more accurate and overall better, that’s just the truth, but that doesn’t mean that the rest don’t have their places. The Message might absolutely suck for any hardcore Bible study, but it’s great for casual reading and beginners. If a version is boring you, difficult to understand, or just too familiar, don’t be afraid to switch it up! You can easily try out new versions digitally before committing to buying a physical copy of it!

Don’t be afraid to markup your Bible- I know that some feel like it is sacrilegious to write and highlight in a Bible, but it isn’t. Don’t go burning and defacing Bibles of course, but writing notes and highlighting to help further your Bible study are fine! Get different colored writing utensils, put tabs for each book, even doodle in the margins!

Studying the Bible should be fun, not stressful- If you need to put on music, sit in the bathtub, or put a sticker on the first page of every book you’ve finished, go ahead! This kind of goes along with the last point, but even if it’s not a conventional way to read the Bible, go wild (within reason)! If you need an audiobook version go ahead! If you voice act everyone, that’s great. What’s important is that you are consuming God’s word and grasping the message inside of it. Don’t go too overboard and let your method become a distraction though!

Get a children’s Bible- I was recently going through some bookshelves at home and found my old Veggietales Children’s Bible. I flipped through it and it grabbed my attention right away! Children’s Bibles usually have inserted points that are on a more basic level than “adult Bibles”. That’s fine! Some of us need that simplicity, especially if we are neurodivergent. The Veggietales Bible I have also has comics based on the movies which while sometimes weird, were a nice brain break from the sometimes overwhelming and long passages of scripture. It might seem silly/awkward at first, but finding a good children’s Bible can open up a whole new world in your Bible Study!

You don’t need a plan- It can be overwhelming to try those “Read the whole Bible in a year!” plans, so try something different. Maybe read through the minor prophets, read just Ester, or 5 Proverbs! Any amount is good, since it means you got into the Word! Maybe one day you’ll just open to a random passage and read that! You never know where you’ll end up and I’ve had some great moments just with doing that.

Join a Bible Study-Going through Scripture with someone else can be a game changer! From sharing different opinions on passages, holding each other accountable, to sharing prayer requests, there is nothing better than having at least one buddy to fellowship in the Lord with!

Play Bible Games-This can go along with the last one, but play Bible games! Here are a few of my favorites:

1. Sword Drills- This is a competition based on finding passages fast. It starts with someone (usually a leader, but can be anyone within the group) yelling, “Swords Up!” and then everyone lifts their Bibles in the air. If it is feasible, make sure everyone has the same copy of the Bible. If not, only rules are that the Bible has to be physical and no bookmarking sections to help you get to a passage faster. The same person that yelled “Swords Up!” will now say a passage (Eg: John 3:15) and the participants will say it back. They will all start looking for it when the person says “Go!” . The first person to get to the passage and read it allowed wins! This game helps with memorizing the books of the Bible, their order, and helps expose people to passages they might not read otherwise.

2. Bible Quizzing- This one is all about memorizing facts, passages, and trivia about the Bible. Now there are actual tournaments and Bible Quizzing championships, but you don’t need to do anything like that. Just get a few friends, task one with coming up with questions, and then compete to see who gets the most right! This could involve Jeopardy, multiple choice, and even a written portion. I’ve done both casual and actual tournaments and I’d recommend both! Both are fun and get people to learn the Bible, though the actual competitions can be an idol to some people.

Find Christian Online Influencers- Now, this one could lead you astray, but hear me out. Finding entertainment from Christian sources is leagues better than from some random person who is probably an atheist, woke, and believes in evolution. Now, I’m not saying “Don’t engage with and watch content from non Christian people!” what I am saying is to try and get some more Christians in there. My favorite Christian YouTube Channels are Red Pen Logic, Dude Perfect, JStu, Matthias, and Sean McDowell. Not all of these are content about Christianity, but they are all Christian YouTubers. The ones about Christianity are RPL and Sean McDowell. JStu member Justin does have a podcast called the Soul Mine Podcast that he runs with his father all about being a Christian boy/man in our modern society. Everyone (even girls) are allowed and encouraged to listen to it. The point with this one is that surrounding yourself with entertainment that won’t lead you astray is important and that these YouTubers are a great place to start.

Also if you are a Christian theatre nerd, check out Sight and Sound Theatres! I cannot recommend them enough. They do original musicals based on people from the Bible and I’d say are even better quality than Broadway. They are currently doing Daniel (1st run!) in Lancaster, PA and Queen Esther in Branson, MO. Enough people don’t know about them for how good their shows are! They have a 180° stage, live animal actors, and very impressive both practical and digital effects! Their sets also move and are very intricate and impressive.

This was all I could think of at the moment! Feel free to reblog/comment some more tips that have worked for you.

God bless!❤️✝️

[adaines-furious-feast]

bc you're my friend who i talk about jace stardiamond with, here is the sorcery subclasses of the bad kids imo:

Kristen - Divine Soul, pretty rare for sorcerers imo and Jace probably finds it interesting but would be so annoyed by Kristen's shenanigans

Adaine - Aberrant Mind, has something to do w/ being the Oracle. Jace loves the effort she puts into her work and is probably his favorite.

Gorgug - Wild Magic. Tries really hard to control his surges and Jace puts in the effort in helping him come to terms w/ his magic, rather than fight it

Fabian - Storm Sorcery. Jace really finds Fabian's whole freshman self to be pompous and it's like looking into a mirror almost. Really tries not to project onto him but fails <3

Fig - Wild Magic as well. Is also in the Kristen school of sorcery and is such a wild card. but she's worse bc her magic is uncontrolled (somewhat)

Riz - Clockwork Soul. Jace enjoys Riz as a student until he realizes how obsessive Riz is at school and wants Riz to relax. Riz cannot relax.

Yeah, I'll co-sign these subclasses.

Kristen would be a really interesting case. Has her magic always come from Cassandra or was she once blessed by Helio and that changed? I can see Jace - honestly any teacher - finding Kristen fun at first but then it keeps going. And he realises "oh, this isn't a joke, this is your personality". In a class of chaos, that is really, really unneeded.

Aberrant Mind is so interesting and just such a perfect match for Adaine. I mean, of course she's his favourite, for many reasons. One of those reasons is definitely because he can go to Tiberia like "ha, one of my students is better at divination wizard spells than any of yours and she's not even a wizard". Adaine definitely gets frustrated with Jace though because she has a very clear idea of what being taught magic is like and he doesn't provide it, so she attends wizard classes even if she can't fully participate in the same way. She'll just take that teaching and change it into what she needs.

With Gorgug, I can see the problem being honestly the same one he has with rage: he needs to feel like he has a good enough reason to use magic. In canon, he would only let himself rage if he felt he was protecting his friends. I can see Gorgug being like "ok, I'll only use magic to help people when I have a good enough reason", perhaps not realising that this self-suppression is only hurting himself.

Fabian as a storm sorcerer pirate is just so super interesting. I want to know what things were like for him before he arrived at Aguefort, when he was with his dad on adventures. Were there other storm sorcerers on the Hangman? Or Leviathan? Did he get help from any of them? Or did Bill see his son, blessed by the storms on the seven seas, and just use it as evidence that Fabian was special and going to write his name on the face of the world, only bigging him up even more?

I actually think Jace would find Fig less annoying than Kristen purely for the fact that she doesn't show up for class. Fig's in every other class for spell casters, trying to see how long it takes the teacher to figure out that she's not actually a wizard/warlock/bard. Normally he'd find this brilliant but Fig's inability for introspection is making her surges more common which is an issue.

Riz hates his class (as in school class, not D&D class). When I was at school, we had to pick one of about five different types of "design and technology" classes we could take for GCSE (cooking, textiles, woodworking, ect.) and I picked graphics, which turned out to be what the students who were rejected from all the other classes took so it was just me and a bunch of kids (boys) who could not give a fuck. I was the only one that showed up to any revision classes, I was the only one paid any attention (and I was the only one to get an A). That's Riz in sorcery class, but with a teacher who prefers the kids that fuck about a bit and it drives him absolutely insane.

[mean-scarlet-deceiver]

Wilbert's Worst

Right, so I really was open to having my mind changed on The Worst One but nobody’s argument has budged me.

I was going to write a complete, balanced essay on The Worst W. Awdry Book, but I’m a) mired in the research phase (hey if anyone knows someone with an encyclopedic knowledge of Tom and Jerry hit me up, for real) and b) right now I wanna talk about the characters and their Beloved Dynamics instead. 

So I'm just gonna get this out of the way so I can post the poll and move on to answering fun asks and watching Tom and Jerry in peace. Behold: a salty and unbalanced review.

Wilbert’s biggest failure of a children’s storybook? 

Henry the Green Engine 

Ohhh… because of the, uh, ra —?

Because of the racism, yes!

Oh. You do know that since 1972 they’ve republished it without the n-slur? 

Good for them. Two things: 

1. I know it used to be there, I’m never able to read it without knowing it was there in the first edition.

2. I consistently try, when ranking the books, to consider them in the context in which they came out. Because of this, I don’t like using “things that happened later” (like a new character never being properly used again or whatever) against the book. This helps me evaluate the author’s successes and failures against what they were trying to achieve when they wrote it vs what I would most want (blorbo content). It helps me not bring to bear the whole weight of fanon and fandom on a text that should be able to stand or fall on its own. Tl;dr I try to read the books like a guy who picked it up in 1951, or whatever. 

And yeah, if I’d bought this when it came out it would have had the slur. I’m going to judge it accordingly. 

Look, racism is bad, no argument, but does that mean the book as a whole must be condemned? 

Yeah, I think the slur and the “aaaand suddenly, blackface! heeheehee” bullshit fuck over the entire book, game over. Go directly to jail, do not collect $200. 

The Railway Series is not a work of high art or deep thorny complex literature. The books are meant for children — small children, at that. Children small enough to get bedtime stories read to them. The main goal of each book (especially this early on — you do have to manage secondary priorities like “pleasing the long-time fanbase” the longer you go, but right now we’re only 6 books into the series) is to create a happy imaginary world to enhance childhoods and family lives… to impart to other parents and kids a similar cosy happiness to that the author and his own kids enjoyed when he was workshopping/drafting the stories for them. When we say “children’s book” we really do mean little’uns — these average 1.25 full-color illustrations per page!

And these books sold in large numbers. This means it’s a certainty that somewhere in 1951 there was a Black family who owned the whole series, who went out to the shops, whose kid was like “ooh! Henry gets a book, neat…,” who like everyone else enjoyed the wild ride of Henry’s inspection and coal and wreck and rebuild… only to get verbally spat on one page from the end. 

Real mood-killer there. Epic fail, as the cool kids used to say in my youth. 

All right, fine, cool kids never said that. Anyway, statistically speaking there was certainly even more than one family that got that experience. Not to mention the non-Black families who even in 1951 were like “... wtf? i’d smack my kid if they ever said a word like that around me, geez. no.” Just a lot of people who had the light the book was kindling in them snuffed out all at once. 

You can actually be totally racist and your book not commit creative suicide on the penultimate page! Awdry flubbed his job of 'bestselling books-for-six-year-olds' here. Creative failure. Unforced error. Automatic zero. 

But times were different then, you have to consider it in the context of the time. 

1951 U.K. was not the nadir of multiracial equality or Black power, but jfc. I can assure you that over 99% of children’s books published that year in the Anglosphere managed to not use the n-slur. 

All right, all right. That was bad. But this feels off-topic. If you had never known about what used to be “Henry’s Sneeze,” would you still rank the entire book as dead last in the Wilbert Awdry corpus? 

Not dead last, but it is not a strong book. “Coal” and “The Flying Kipper” are super-interesting as material for Henry, but after that the book kind of falls off a cliff; the intrigue drops dramatically. The railway incidents chosen to make stories of are all solid choices, but it was not only “Sneeze” where Awdry’s handling of the material feels clumsy and weird. (And I’m not even talking here of the “heehee blackface — ain’t i a stinker?” gag in “Sneeze.”) 

But… “The Flying Kipper”? C’mon. It’s a superb story and no book that contains it can be the absolute worst in the series. 

“TFK” remains easily the best single TVS episode ever – but a lot of that is down to Britt and David’s artistry and judgment. 

Don’t get me wrong, a full-on railway wreck makes interesting material. But I don’t think the book does nearly as much with it as it could (and I’m trying sooooo hard here to forget about the amazing TVS adaptation, as I think it REALLY shows Awdry up. Even so, the storytelling here is surprisingly tepid and low-stakes). I get that Awdry probably wanted to lean into the comic angle and not make Henry’s condition afterwards seem too grave, in order to ensure the material wasn’t too dark for his young audience? (*mutters* again, a level of tender consideration for his readers’ youth that went right out the window when it came to small Black kids, evidently coz he couldn’t imagine that they read) Understandable, laudable — but if he outright refuses* to make the wreck too dramatic or scary then, well, then the wreck isn’t real scary or dramatic. And it can’t save the rest of the book from its flaws. 

*For all I know it could have been the publishers who insisted that the wreck be made preschooler-safe, that’s possible (although it’s also consistent with Awdry’s brand of humor and his overall low degree of emotionalism in his writing). Either way, though, the end result book is what it is and it will be judged accordingly. 

In addition to not being as exciting as many remember... @trainsupessandhuntresses asked me once if I thought some of Awdry's stories were "mean-spirited." I had to assent vigorously. And a surprisingly high proportion of those "mean" moments are in Henry the Green Engine? For some reason? It’s not just the racism. Awdry was not in the game to give Henry a deserved happy ending, he’d wanted to kill him off (the fuck?) and when his publishers prevented him (I don’t say this often, especially since I love how salty the Awdrys get about their publishers, but this in case good job, publishers!!) he wrote “TFK” with the primary motivation of giving Henry a new engine basis. Any soft or hearty emotions we get out of the deal are a side-effect — the only emotion that was fueling Awdry as he wrote this was spite, spite and a weird resentment towards his poor, long-suffering, invaluable illustrator. (I don’t blame Awdry for being frustrated that the engine illustrations were continually inaccurate or confusing, but I do think it’s weird to read all this great Henry material knowing that it was written with such poor grace.) 

So his ‘happy Henry’ stuff feels perfunctory; his Percy interlude is just brutal (why did you have to drag Percy into Henry’s book purely to give him a fuck-up, a scolding, and a messy dunce cap?); Gordon’s savaging of Henry for being too happy after recovering from a near-death experience is such an incredibly low point for Gordon that it’s hard for me to accept it as canon (there’s being proud, boastful, and self-absorbed, and then there’s being the straight-up raccoon dumpster fire Gordon is in that scene). Oh, and I think “call the police [local constabulary, doesn’t bear firearms]” woulda probably a less reckless way of dealing with the rock-throwing youths than the sneeze of hot locomotive ashes, which of course the Fat Controller doesn’t like, that shit coulda been real dangerous! Mind, there are small rays of kindness throughout that do get me (the interactions between Henry and his crew feeling to me the least perfunctory and most heartfelt), but this is overall such a mean-spirited book. God. It starts off with such a gentle story (almost a non-story, if you’re in it purely for the “railway incidents” game and not character drama), but in short order the vibes just sorta suck. At least in other RWS books, when the vibes are off, they’re usually off near the beginning and then improve by the end. This one gets worse as it goes on. Oof. Don’t like that. 

Also, the last page is sooooo lame. I suspect the publisher strong-armed Awdry into writing most of it so that at least the slur wasn’t on the last page of the book... and if Awdry had any idea of how much he’d just empowered Henry and all his fans in this book he shouldn’t have found it hard to find 50 extra words to sum things up. As it was, he’s just filling space and running out the clock, lol. Lame wrap-up. Boring. As usual when it comes to every little thing about this book, Britt and David closed this up better (mind, their closer – “He had taught Gordon and silly boys a lesson, with a whistle and a sneeze” – also sucked. But at least it was blessedly short.)

Didn’t you once list HtGE on a list of your favorite Wilbert Awdry books? 

I did list it as one of the books that “at one time or another” have been my favorite in the series. Unfortunately in the case of HtGE, that was back when I really couldn’t read a story that I knew from the TVS without mentally substituting the adaptation into my brain as I read… largely overriding the actual text. Plus, everything I knew from TVS as a kid kind of automatically got a halo effect. Plus, I was super into Henry’s arc. 

The first time I read HtGE after calming down and actually reading all the books as books... massive disappointment. There is such a gap there between what I'd thought the book said (all our incredible fanon work overanalyzing and headcanoning Henry and building this beautiful fantasy arc about disability!) vs. what it actually said (limp and careless writing, mean vibes, airbrushed n-slur, bad aftertaste). 

I do think there is some stuff about the development of Awdry’s storytelling technique here that is interesting (again, Tom and Jerry superfans reading this, please shoot me a message!) but it doesn’t counteract everything else. 

At least we’re over the racism stuff? 

Nah, I’m not over it, actually. 

[r3dmooon]

👋 Hi! Uh I was wondering if you would do a Wally x reader (gn) with reader being a zoologist showing him pictures of animals! I feel like he would be rlly interested in wolves and ostriches because they are like Barnaby and Poppy but just not so colorful. And not on two legs. :>

a/n: omg so many people have been requesting even tho my requests are closed 😭😭 (but I like the ideas so I'm writing them anyways 😔)

wc: 0.5k

Master List

❥When you moved in all the neighbors were curious as to why you had what seemed to be a sanctuary. Some parts caged, an indoor structure, and then your home which was a bit on the big side.

❥Boy were they fascinated when you brought your variety of animals. You had many different types of fish, foxes, wolves, panthers, cougars, ostriches, parakeets, monkeys, lizards, snakes…it existed, you probably had it. 

❥You even had a little Venus Flytrap plant <3 It ate insects…it's close enough (shhh this is the self indulgent part).

❥The others came by a lot. It was like every time they visited, they found a whole new batch of animals they swore you didn’t have before. Frank loved coming by to see the insects you kept. 

❥Besides Frank, the other person who came around the most was Wally. He couldn’t help but his curiosity for all the animals you had! You’ve brought a whole new world to them all (even though it’s technically out there…) and he loved the constant little facts you couldn’t help sharing to him. He just watched you intently as you told him that you feed your Betta fish live mealworms so it had more vibrant colors. 

❥He’d also ask questions. “Barnaby came from what?” He was quite astounded that those…intimidating wolves were technically Barnaby’s ancestors. He found it quite fascinating since the dog seemed like the exact opposite.

❥”What did you call that? An ostrich? It reminds me of Poppy, just less colorful.” Wally would muse. “Ostriches and Emus are some of the biggest birds! Perhaps Poppy is a descendant of one.” You would humor. 

❥I think Wally would love your chameleons the most. He loves watching their eyes dart around. Not to mention how they eat. He finds it so cool watching its tongue dart out faster than he could process. Not to mention that it’s color changing! He gets so much inspiration, wanting to paint it and then watch it walk over the painting and change its colors. So fascinating to him.

❥Wally will also stay by your side and watch you feed them all. For someone not used to watching wild animals feed…he’s not too phased. He just smiled as you fed your Venus Flytrap small crickets, to watching you feed your Grizzly Bear whole salmon!

❥He admires how much you go out of you way to take care of all your animals. He even offers to help you! Though ferrets and cats he tends to avoid. They’re just such rascals and he would hate for them to ruin his hair :( (But he can’t stand the sad look you give and ends up with ferrets and cats alike covering him from head to toe! They love him sm).

❥In conclusion, Wally becomes your partner of maintaining the zoo you’ve created. It just means he can spend more time with you after all <3

[carlos-in-glasses]

The Notorious C-I-G

💌 🍄 📚 🏜️ 🐝 (you don’t have to answer this one if you don’t want, I already know it’s me 🤭)

Lemon...right?

💌 ⇢ how many unread emails do you have right now?

Darn you for making me look! 248!

🍄 ⇢ share a head canon for one of your favourite ships or pairings

Answered this one here and here but here is another: After Andrea met TK and really started opening up her heart and mind to Carlos being gay and in love with another man, she began seeking out queer art, books, shows, so she could learn more about the community her son is a part of. Carlos recommends and lends her things! I touch on this in my fic Wrestling Angels.

📚 ⇢ what’s the last thing you wrote down in your notes app?

I didn't have to say anything. He knew I was shaking.

🏜️ ⇢ what’s your favourite type of comment to receive on your work?

I love it when an aspect or overall theme leads a reader to discuss something and it gets a bit more personal and chatty. Fire Island and Sweet Dreams and Flying Machines led to comments in which people shared their memories and feelings about the AIDS crisis and about 9/11 respectively. I guess it makes it seem like the fic has a bit more 'social impact' in a way. It's quite amazing when that happens.

🐝 ⇢ tag your biggest supporter(s) and say one nice thing about them

Haha @lemonlyman-dotcom... right? You have been so supportive and friendly from the beginning - the beginning being pre-tumblr when you were leaving such lovely comments on my fics. When I saw you'd set up your tumblr I was so happy to be able to interact with you on here too. And now look!

And @thisbuildinghasfeelings - you were one of the first people I spoke to on here and your kindness and enthusiasm not just towards my writing is just incredible and I feel very lucky you're here.

@heartstringsduet your comment on Afterglow of a Supernova basically changed my life in that it made me instantly more confident in my writing, like it represented a turning point in how I felt about it, and you've always been in my corner. And you've made art for my fics???!!!

@goodways you have been so lovely about my fics I feel like I can never thank you enough and your comments always make me laugh and make me think. Your feedback always means the world to me.

@herefortarlos your enthusiasm for my fics, all fics and this fandom is a thing of beauty and so inspiring.

@welcometololaland you were one of the first people to ever tag me in anything and I remember it vividly because I couldn't believe it haha. Your comments are always so hilarious and make me feel like I've done something right, and without you I wouldn't have written I Was Thinking About Your Mouth, so I am forever grateful for that and for you being such a good sounding board when I complain about work!

@cold-blooded-jelly-doughnut mate, you are divine and the fact that you spend any time beta'ing my fics when they are still kinda hot messes is wild to me. Thank you as well for your kindness and generosity!

@im-overstimulated-and-im-sad you are a delight and your comments are like a balm to my soul!

@reyesstrand Also from really early on you were leaving such encouraging comments on my fics and including me in WIP tags and things and I'm so grateful and forever awestruck.

@paperstorm I always cherish in particular how incredible you were about Fire Island (and When Soulmates Swim recently!), and how you helped so much in my hour of need when the whole scary situation around Afterglow of a Supernova happened. Thank you!

There are other people too of course but I worry I'm banging on a bit too much like I'm at the Oscars and the music is going to play over me talking so I just want to wrap up by saying thank you to everyone who has read my fics and commented and left kudos - I've said it before and I'll say it again, it really does blow me away that you're giving your precious free time to my stories in that way.

[rebeccathornewrites]

I have an MFA in writing, 5 years of therapy, and far too much time. buckle up for my analysis of Gayloy from burning shores

Ok the MFA is coming in 3 weeks, but WHOO BOY i have thoughts.

Click below for spoilers. DO NOT READ UNTIL YOU FINISH.

As a bi woman who writes lesbians professionally, I want it known that I was 1000% on board with them as a couple, and cleared literal days of my schedule to play it and confirm.

And I still don't think Aloy is ready for romance. I think The Kiss is the least plausible, and least enjoyable, of the three endings.

Let's dive into why.

It starts at childhood, as always.

Aloy has grown up an outcast. She relied on herself and Rost--and then Rost died, and it was just her. Every single chance she's had, she's rebuked romance. She wrote it off as "I'm saving the world" or "I just don't know how people work yet," but the reality is that she doesn't know HOW to rely on people.

Vulnerability is a learned skill.

I'll say it again. VULNERABILITY is a LEARNED skill.

Some people, those with healthy households, learn this skill early on, and practice it often. Those are the people we see giving everything of themselves to someone they love. They feel deeply, empathize well, and have happy relationships.

And then there's people like Aloy. Someone who was shown love from one person--and a whole lotta hate from the rest of them. Someone who grew up being told that she couldn't rely on a tribe--because if she failed the Proving, there wouldn't BE a tribe to rely on. Rost hoped for the best... and prepared her for the worst.

Then she dove into the world at large, and was presented time and time again with romance opportunities. The Sun King is the biggest one--obviously his infatuation ran deep, but of course it would, finding the one person in a whole kingdom who'd challenge him. She turned him down, and in her mind, she probably reasoned it away in a neat little box.

"I'm not like the other suitors he's met. He only likes me because I'm different."

This can be true.

"But he doesn't know who I really am."

This can be true--but it's also a defense mechanism. A barrier Aloy placed to protect herself from rejection. Because if she convinces herself these people don't really know her, it's easy for her to keep them at arm's length.

Easy to be the lone warrior.

We see the same kind of thing with Varl, hoping to follow her into the wilds. With Erend, so excited to see her, so irritated she doesn't reciprocate. Kotollo viewed her admirably, although I think his personality is a bit too subservient to truly challenge Aloy (essentially his commander) into the growth she needs.

Man after man demonstrated their affection, and she held them all at arm's length. For the good of the world, right?

So, okay. She's a lesbian--or at the very least, bi or pan. We can reason away the men, certainly, but she uses the same techniques with the women. Talanah, our fan favorite, was truly a perfect match for Aloy. Strong, resilient, excellent fighter. They progressed in the same way Seyka did--and yet, Talanah was deep in the throes of another man.

Which was probably a huge fucking relief to Aloy. Because if Talanah was after a guy... then she wasn't an option for Aloy.

Which means Aloy didn't have to do any intensive introspection to discover why they might be a good match.

She could wave Talanah away, and feel absolutely no remorse or grief when Talanah returned home. In fact, Aloy might have even left that experience feeling satisfied that she helped a friend--and be utterly oblivious to the chemistry they could have had.

This is how avoidant people--those who haven't learned to trust, to rely on others, to show vulnerability--experience the world.

And this is somewhat devastating, because Talanah's quest came at the exact time that Varl was teaching Aloy how to empathize, lean on people, be vulnerable for the first time in her life. Aloy didn't have to do it alone--and if Talanah had been in a position to receive it, I think they could have had a spectacular romance.

But it didn't happen.

So, we move on.

Aloy loses Varl, learns to lean on her friends, learns to let people in. This alone is spectacular character growth--but it's easy to have friends. Humans crave it. We need companionship, so once Varl laid the groundwork, Aloy was able to embrace this.

We don't see her embracing romance.

Until Seyka.

This is where the potential had me--and the execution lost me.

Because Seyka is presented as this fantastic option for Aloy--and the starving, desperate fanbase standing behind her. From the first interaction, I had high hopes. When Aloy says, "you must be confused," and Seyka basically responds with "confused about why you'd FLY towards that TOWER OF DEATH, maybe," I was ready for someone who challenges Aloy.

I wanted a love interest who was more competent than Aloy in some ways. I actually liked Varl in that way, before he found Zo: the fact that he challenged Aloy to push her own comfort level in order to embrace others was a great complement to Aloy's abrasive nature.

Seyka, while fantastic, almost feels like an Aloy clone.

They're both competent, capable, and closed-off. They're both hiding secrets to spare the others' feelings--when in reality, they're sparing themselves from tough conversations.

Because that's what Aloy, at least, has been trained to do. Bear the burden alone to spare the others. Fight the machine alone to keep the others safe. She protects fiercely, which means that she never has to be the one experiencing loss.

How convenient. >.>

I love the idea of Seyka. I can't wait to see where fanon takes her personality. But right now, with just the DLC content, it feels like she's the caricature of a romantic interest for Aloy. The perfect girl--in theory. But not when you consider psychology.

There was a huge missed opportunity when Aloy finally revealed Nemesis's existence, in my opinion. Aloy protected Seyka from this Big, Dangerous News to help her morale--and to keep from ruining what they've developed with something possibly devastating.

She finally told Seyka... and Seyka responded by literally fleeing the room in horror.

I get that everyone needs time to process these things. But in my mind, all that reaffirmed for Aloy is, "My instincts were right. I can't rely on others with this Big, Dangerous News. They can't handle it. So, I have to handle it for them."

There was SUCH an opportunity there. A chance for Aloy to tell her, and for Seyka to contemplate it for a moment, smile, and say, "I'm glad you told me. Let's tackle it together."

Something to show Aloy, in that concrete moment, that this is a person she can rely on.

That is what would have made Seyka great, to me.

Everything that followed after is a series of insta-love, in my opinion. Aloy looks at Seyka with near-literal hearts in her eyes, but it didn't feel earned. By the end, I don't feel like Seyka did anything unique that Aloy's friends in Forbidden West hadn't already done to her at some point: rescue her, adventure with her, stop a massive scheme with her.

Seyka, in my mind, doesn't currently have enough personality of her own to stand out. She's just another soldier in Aloy's army.

There will be [straight] people angry at the LGBT+ rep here, and I don't even feel that our community can argue it. As far as lesbian rep goes, that was not a great example of a natural romance. It felt forced for most of that DLC.

But that romance could be great. And that's where I love that the developers added options other than the kiss. As much as I loved the idea of them kissing, I still don't buy it with the scenes we were given.

Seyka latched onto Aloy because Aloy treated her with admiration at a time when Seyka's tribe nearly disowned her. Fair. I believe Seyka might truly be in love with Aloy.

But Aloy herself? There's no way in hell she'd be diving into a romantic relationship after one single adventure with this girl--even one as sweeping as this. Aloy doesn't know who Seyka is. Aloy hasn't seen Seyka in a relaxed setting--only one where she's panicking for her tribe, her sister, and the future. And Aloy's brain will be too logic-entrenched to succumb to emotional impulse alone.

Because that's the interesting thing about avoidant people. They rely on themselves, and their logic. That's what's kept them alive until this point. If Aloy showed vulnerability in the past, she put herself at risk in every sense of the word.

Even Seyka wouldn't be enough to break that barrier right away.

But I do think she could try in the sequel, and that's why I'm thrilled for this character. Someone the developers can truly use to force Aloy to grow emotionally.

To do that, though, the developers will have to dive into Seyka, and show me why she's the person for Aloy. What about her history makes her The Candidate? It can't just be that she's "an inspiration." I need more than that. I need to see Seyka in a relationship, coaxing Aloy through the moments of panic and shattering the barriers Aloy erects out of fear, under the guise of "logic."

Show me that, and I'm on board with a kiss.

Until then, I'll go write some fanfiction.

Sincerely,

An avoidant working through her own shit.

Thank you very much for attending my TED Talk.

[activatebutterflyshield]

Songs that make me really really really want to learn animation so I can make epic sequences with them as the soundtrack

- Notos by the Oh Hellos, itd make a great phoenix-rising, defeated-character-realizing-their-power-and-absolutely-destroying-someone-who-did-them-real-trauma thing. Also the metaphors and imagery. “Every inhale I take, swallow the ocean whole and I am one / With the hurricane, tall as the tide that laps with a rabid tongue”??? “With every exhale I break you down with a fury, I lay the hills undone / Like a dog gone untamed, bellowing out a river from my lungs”??????

- Boreas by the Oh Hellos, the perfect sort of ‘Im completely defeated but by god I’m still going to do something to help’

- Okay I should just include all of the Four Winds EPs in here. Get over here, Eurus and Zephyrus. Passerine and Rio Grande specifically.

- The Horror and the Wild by the Amazing Devil, see this one fandom post I made that was basically a desperate attempt to visualize an animatic I could never make

- Chords by the Amazing Devil, entirely different vibes but bloody hell it lights a fire in my heart every time I hear it. Just. “We were the winter nights / So you could be the morning snow / Your life begins by leaving / And our love is shown / In the letting go”????????

- Rockslide by the Crane Wives. Im writing a whole thing about that album, Coyote Stories’, relationship with climate change and the generally horrible state of the world and this song is the reason. “Oh I pray today my soul to keep / But we best get a move on or the devil we will meet”?? I mean. Mates. It hits hard.

- Sleeping Giants by the Crane Wives. Same album as Rockslide and just as strong if not more so. It would make for a great call-to-war or prelude-to-a-big-ol-battle.

- Rule #3 Paperwork by Fish in a Birdcage. By goodness is Paperwork underrated (though methinks Rule #2 Moonlight is even more underrated but thats just a good song) and I love it to death. Just a great song for an easygoing time. Or, alternatively, a great song for a subtle call to action.

- Rule #33 Pyre by Fish in a Birdcage. Its just great. A final, fond farewell from a beloved parent or mentor or loved one or other dear person telling you that you’ll be fine after they’re gone. Also the accordion is really neat in this one. “Trust yourself and live it your way”. It just is great.

- WOLVES OF THE REVOLUTION. ARCADIAN WILD. This gave so much inspiration for writing a revolution and the people involved in it. Its perfect for that arc. It doesnt bloody matter if said revolution is in a war tragedy of a fanfic.

Theres more but I dont have much to say about them, so just know that Horse Soldier, Horse Soldier (Corb Lund), Solar Waltz (Cosmo Sheldrake), Mvmt II Begin and Never Cease (The Oh Hellos (really bloody Christian but its so good just music wise)(Also Christmas as hell)), The Day Goes On (Bill Wurtz), and my very dear Discord’s Smallest Violin (The AJR Discord) are also very dear to my heart and would probably become something if I had enough commitment and free time and all those other extremely volatile factors to actually learn how to animate. I will, someday. But that day is not today.

Also I swear to you @writer-of-random-things I am writing the climate-change-Coyote-Stories thing. It exists. Or, about half of it exists. I got to The Hand That Feeds and its. Uh. A lot.