#having lots of thoughts lately
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dumping
#having thoughts again#since im sober now n healing ive just been thinking#abt the person i used to be and how ashamed of myself i feel#i look back on the past and dont recognize myself#i find myself wondering how i could let myself be in those situations and act the way i did#but the past is the past and im moving forward#i hope my friend lauren knows how much she means to me in this regard#i feel like i lost my teens to mental illness n trauma but#we act . like teens together#just 20 somethings having sleepovers and watching childhood shows and being silly#its rlly everything i could ever want#sometimes my mind gets the better of me tho#and i get scared#i feel like i forgot how to interact with people#i overthink too much#jsut idk#having lots of thoughts lately#i just dont ever want to be the person i used to be again#minnie post
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K A B E D O N (+ no paint under the cut)
#griddlehark#gideon nav#harrowhark nonagesimus#the locked tomb#gideon the ninth#I have seen a lot of gorgeous thoughtful emotive fanart in the tlt tag lately!!!!#but my specialty is beautiful handcrafted shitposts so please accept this and a kiss on the forehead MUAH#sinshine draws
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It’s finally done, guys – five whole pages of Narilamb AU comic AND MORE be upon you! (If you have trouble reading any of the text, view the full-size! These pages are huge!)
Yeesh, this took forever. <:)
There’s probably a ton of inconsistencies and anatomy/perspective wonkeries, but this was mostly just comic practice, so Oh Hekkin Well, Lol <:D
(Yes, I am aware the Gateway’s door isn’t present in the Afterlife, and the actual way in is just a pentagram portal. Yes, I put the door in there anyway because Artistic License, i.e. it felt more impactful for there to be a prison door of sorts to walk through to freedom, rather than just a bland boring portal on the ground. 😠)
anyway, i hate backgrounds so much lmao
Alternate ending and a buttload of bonus art under the cut, followed by goofy AU rambles and headcanon stuff:
I’m calling it the Revival AU. It’s not all that creative a title, and someone else has probably used it already, but I am too lazy to really care, LOL
Alternate ending page, which you will Definitely need to view the full-size for, Whoopsie Daisy:
The alternate ending was actually the first ending I finished things off with, because I had a brief badbrain moment where I forgot the emotional beat I initially wanted the comic to end on, and I tend to write comedy, anyway. I later remembered and drew out the proper ending, but I preserved and finished this one, too, because it still makes me giggle.
They had to go back for the followers off-screen in the AU’s real ending. And by ‘they’ I mean just the Lamb, because they weren’t about to ask three newly freed cats to go back into what used to be their prison. The Lamb DID spend some time watching Narinder and the bois enjoying the outdoors first, though:
In other news, here’s the Lamb and me making fun of my anatomy-drawing ‘skills’:
Meanwhile, if you’re wondering why the Lamb is just a-okay with how things went down vis a vis Their Murder, this bonus comic should answer at least some of your questions:
Ah, yes, also this is how they get engaged outside of the alternate ending. Forgot to mention that bit. XD (I already refuse to believe that Narinder is capable of flirting normally, so why would his initial marriage proposal be any better???)
Oh, and before any of them get a chance to actually head back to the cult grounds, there is one potential problem:
And by ‘problem’ I mean something Narinder intends to ignore for At Minimum a thousand years. Cuz he’s a petty bitch like that. :D
what do you mean i drew the lamb too tall compared to the background? clearly they’re standing on top of baal and aym lmao, why else would you think those two aren’t in this one??? (aym and baal got way too excited about finally being outside, you see, and their silly modes are nothing to sneeze at)
And, speaking of heading back to the cult grounds, I’m sure y’all would love to know how the Lamb’s followers felt about the brand new change in management:
It all went better than expected. <:D Tiny ramble now, feel free to skip down to the next comic.
Before you ask, no, the Lamb does not have any actual powers anymore, other than the immortality Narinder definitely grants them. The Red Crown just thinks it’s funny to suggest otherwise, and Narinder does nothing to discourage this. Also, the Lamb and Narinder aren’t actually married here yet, but, uh. Pretty safe to say that particular ritual directly follows the events of this comic. XD
Given how quickly he mellows out in canon, Narinder probably chills out a lot in this AU once he’s in charge of the cult, too, if only because 1.) He’s finally free, and 2.) He’s equally smitten with and distracted by the Lamb. He’s definitely in charge at least 95% of the time, though, because the Lamb never actually wanted to be a cult leader and, now that their time as a vessel is done, they just want to be a normal(ish) sheep who’s wholly devoted to their hot new divine husband.
Some followers do still have some valid concerns about these two being together, though, which I’m sure at least a few of you might share…
Unfortunately for any such concerns, the Lamb is a bonafide masochist in this AU. :D
They’re also 100% a sub, obviously
Anyone at all: Your relationship is problematic and potentially toxic
The Lamb: fuck yeah it is, it’s so hot~ OuO
Here’s just the last panel, made transparent for whatever nefarious purposes y’all might have for it:
Additional exchange Narinder and the Lamb have at some point, probably after the Lamb does a fatal whoopsie while out on a mission trip or in response to things getting a little too sadistic in the bedroom, ahaha:
Look, there is a very important distinction between life and death, and if you don’t understand that, then you’re probably not worthy of being the God of Death, anyway. (At least, according to Narinder, and ONLY Narinder.)
Last but not least, have these shittens:
~Such creative naming conventions I have utilized, lololol~ :D Anyway, there's a few deets on them in the rambles down below.
The rest is all ramble, so before I get to that, I’ll just say – likes and especially reblogs are very much appreciated!!! :D If you happen to really really REALLY like my stuff, meanwhile, I do have a link in my bio to my ko-fi page, where I’m accepting commissions and donations if you’re especially generous… ÓuÒ
Now, BE FREE IF YOU AIN’T DOWN FOR READING MY GOOFY RAMBLES
First ramble is re: Baal’s question of ‘Did it really work?’, since I didn’t feel like expanding on it in the comic proper, and it’s arguably pretty vague? He doesn’t ask because he doubts Narinder or his capabilities, exactly, but because neither Baal nor Aym have ever actually seen their god at full power before (he’s still technically not at full power here, either). It’s not expressly stated how soon the brothers were brought to Narinder after his imprisonment, but whether it was early on or after a length of time for Shamura to (somewhat) recover from his attack, he must have already been weakened, since I have no doubts that there was a huge battle that accompanied the Bishops working together to trap him. So, between that fight with all four of his siblings, sharing his power with a variety of vessels over time, and being chained immobile for a thousand years, he must have been severely weakened by the time he lent the Red Crown out to the Lamb, which would have only weakened him further.
I like to think this is how the Lamb is able to defeat him if they refuse to be sacrificed, despite how it took all four Bishops working together to subdue and chain Narinder in the first place.
All that aside, the three cats have been trapped in the Afterlife for so long that Baal also wanted verbal reassurance that they are all, indeed, actually able to leave it now – something that I headcanon isn’t possible without a significant amount of power (i.e. the Red Crown’s cooperation with its bearer/vessel).
(On a semi-related note, I don’t headcanon Aym and Baal as twins. I like sweetheart big bro Baal and snarky little goth bro Aym too much to have them be that close in age.)
Ah, teeny thing: If you noticed I switched up the art style for Narinder on the second page, that was intentional. It's sort of a visual indicator that there has been a Big Change for him - that being, how much power he has after sacrificing the Lamb. As for why I changed up his arms in the grass rollin' pic, I don't really subscribe to the notion that his arms are spooky bones because they're horrifically injured (beyond chain-chafing scars, that is), but rather just because he's the Bishop of Death, so he can change how normal-to-spooky they look at will. At some point I might doodle out how I imagine his appearance to range between least to most eldritch... 🤔
Next ramble, regarding Narinder’s feelings towards the Lamb...he was initially too focused on being freed from his imprisonment to form any real attachment to them. They were a tool for his use, first and foremost, but he did notice their intense devotion towards him. It was impossible not to notice, because the Lamb was always very happy to see him, even if it was because they died during a crusade (yet again). He wasn’t originally planning to revive them once he was freed, either, because he saw no real point to it – after all, they were already dead when they first met him, just as any other mortal would be when meeting him in the Afterlife, so death has very little real consequence in his eyes. But, once the chains were off, and it really sank in that he stood to lose the most devoted follower he’s ever had, he decided…why put their soul to rest for good or leave them stuck in the Afterlife when he could just as easily revive them again? And why not reward them for their hard work, anyway? Not only would it cost him nothing by comparison, but the future devotion that could come of it would surely make up for his (bare minimum) effort in reviving them.
He wasn’t expecting to get a full dose of that devotion and a smiling face so soon after killing them, though~ :3c (because the Lamb is a bonafide freak, and not-so-secretly into the fucked up power dynamics going on here, lol)
I should mention here that I am firmly of the belief that any non-god/vessel who crosses through the Gateway and into the Afterlife just straight up dies. So, Aym and Baal? Also straight up dead, from the second Shamura brought them through. Their souls were just never put to rest so that Narinder could have some company – if only according to Shamura. Narinder kept the two around mostly out of bewilderment, because honestly, who are these kittens, and what is Shamura’s game here, anyway??? They never even explained anything, they just tossed these kittens into the Afterlife and LEFT!!! At any rate, Aym and Baal being dead is how I explain why their souls apparently become lost in the void if they’re killed, along with the added complications required to revive the two because of it.
So, with those deets in mind, and given a bit of time, if Narinder hadn’t chosen to revive the Lamb, and also hadn’t chosen to put their soul to rest, they still would have woken up at some point, despite being as straight up dead as Aym and Baal. Who, don’t worry, were also properly revived while Narinder was waiting for the Lamb to wake up. Because I am also firmly of the belief that, first, the dead cannot leave the Afterlife without the use of a ritual/relic (and can't stay in the living world for long regardless), and second, dead followers’ devotion isn’t anywhere near as potent as that of the living, given how much more the living stand to lose.
Final ramble, regarding the Lamb’s feelings towards Narinder, and why they’re so devoted to him…
Well, you don’t spend most of your life on the run with your steadily-dwindling herd, trying to evade the ongoing genocide of your species, without becoming a little fucked up in the head. Maybe a lot fucked up in the head. Life is suffering, so might as well have fun with it, right? Maybe start finding death and pain to be kind of hilarious, even a little bit hot, once everyone you know and love is dead and gone, leaving you all alone? And maybe after that, there’s something comforting in how, despite the cold, cruel uncertainties of life, at least you can always count on the inevitability of death, patiently waiting for you until your very last breath? Who knows. Either way, as soon as the Lamb was killed, and they learned that the literal God of Death was offering them a second chance at life and vengeance via effective immortality, they were 100% ride-or-die-devoted all at once. Turns out death is kinder than life – go figure. (Of course, it helps that Narinder is 100% their type.)
They weren’t put off by Narinder’s thinly-veiled sadism or manipulations, either – they’re not too different in those regards, albeit opting for vastly different methods. It’s a very ‘two sides of the same coin’ sort of deal. In order to stay alive once they were made the last of their kind, the Lamb had no qualms with using others to their advantage, and that did not change once they were revived and expected to run a cult. They didn’t care for the position of authority, though – being a sheep and all, they’re much more of a follower than a leader, and thus greatly appreciated Narinder’s need for control. With how they had to keep on their toes for so long, the Lamb was also pretty good at reading people by the time they died, so they could recognize that a lot of Narinder’s posturing was just that – posturing. Dude’s 95% bluster and only 5% bite. He could obviously be vicious when he wanted or needed to (the Bishops' injuries were clear proof of that), but underneath his outer layer of cruelty was a generous layer of tsundere, and underneath all THAT was a soft squishy middle sibling velcro cat in desperate need of attention and affection.
(Which, for the record, he Did Not feel comfortable getting from Aym and Baal – Narinder still has no idea why the fuck Shamura sent them to him, beyond acting as keepers at best or trying to sabotage his attempts to escape at worst. Which, he thought HE sabotaged in turn, by guiding the kittens into being his devoted disciples instead. He thought he was very clever for it. ‘I outsmarted Shamura!’ he thought, despite that there was never anything there to outsmart. ‘What do you mean, Shamura sent your kittens to me for company?’ he demands of Forneus later. It may or may not lead him to pull Shamura out of Purgatory just so he can shake them and scream about how they should have Fucking Explained that!!!)
But, getting back on track as to why the Lamb was so willing to be sacrificed, I cannot stress this enough – if you pay even a minimal amount of attention to what he’s saying, Narinder is REALLY NOT SUBTLE about his intentions. ‘Death is of little consequence.’ ‘Followers are for you to use to your advantage.’ ‘Sacrifice a follower to absorb more power.’ So, yeah, the Lamb knew exactly what would be expected of them once the other Bishops were dead. They knew Narinder would expect them to die for him one last time. But, after all, death is of little consequence (not to mention hot), so when the time came, they wanted to see him freed, even if it meant oblivion for them in the end.
He’d given them a second life, and the ability to avenge their kin, and they felt indebted to him for that – so, while they were still pretty glum about the possibility that they might not get to see him free of his chains, nothing beyond their devotion and debt to him mattered. They never wanted all the drama and expectations that came with the Red Crown’s power, anyway, so, better for Narinder to have it back so that he could deal with it. What he did with the Lamb afterward would be up to him, and seeing as he was their god, they’d accept his decision gladly.
Were they in love with him by that point? Oh, obsessively so, but only in the devotional sense – romance was nowhere on their mind nor radar. That is, until he unexpectedly revived them again, told them he still needed them, and then offered down his hand to help them up.
The Lamb fell HARD for him in that moment. :3c
And now, a tiny shitten ramble. Lu and Li are twins, because sheep tend to have those a lot, and are conceived not long after the Lamb and Narinder’s marriage ceremony. Lu is the minutes older one, but Li is much more mature. I have put no further thought into these two, other than that they are utter menaces, birthed by the Lamb, cling hard to both their parents but especially Narinder (who spoils them rotten), and they are both genderfluid, using whichever pronouns/names they feel like at any given time. They are also both intersex, same as the Lamb, who was initially infertile up until Something Something Vague Magic, which I have also put no further thought into ¯\_(シ)_/¯
oh, and before anyone tries to suggest i headcanon this AU’s lamb as trending more female due to them giving birth or whatever, no, no, a thousand times no, they might have a vag, but they've also got a dick, and even if it's not as big as they'd like, they still know how to use it
Finally, the very tentative name for the Lamb in this AU is Yazdi, which is really just another name for the Baluchi breed of sheep XD (Not that the Lamb is this specific breed, I just didn’t like any of the other sheep-related names I found, ahaha...)
THAT’S ALL FOR NOW (collapses into an exhausted pile of goopy limbs)
#fanart#comics#cult of the lamb#cotl#narilamb#cotl lamb#cotl narinder#cotl shitten#cotl mystic seller#cotl aym#cotl baal#aym and baal#this is why i have been especially quiet lately XD#even just the bonus stuff took several days to finish because i don't know the meaning of DOODLE anymore apparently#everything must be fully inked and colored with backgrounds I Fukken Guess#at least using medibang's sumi brush keeps me from focusing on making my lines perfect :\#and yeah i copy-pasta'd a lot of my own backgrounds don't at me bro#if you're on desktop and want to full view but don't know how: right click the image - open in new tab - zoom in as needed :)#feel free to ask questions about the AU if you want - but uh - this is basically the extent to which i've thought it through LOL#edit: oh right - aym and baal really out there assuming narinder already put the lamb's soul to rest so the body's just fodder now lmao#last edit i hope: fixed the transparent cult certified freak image 8|#nope - one more edit: there is one (1) loophole for how living mortals can be in the afterlife without dying#that loophole is currently narinder XD#'sorry universe but the god of death says i can be in here so back off with your rules and regulations'
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Cryptic visions of space and time...
#essek#essek thelyss#critical role#mighty nein#caleb widogast#this works on its own but it's actually part of a bigger fancomic idea i have#but i still have to figure out if i even want to invest so much time into something like that lmao.. prob not#i already made a concept document for fun and its way too long.. unfortunately i rly like it#i rly believe in the idea tbh i just dont know if its physically possible because i work fulltime LMAO#its a lot of fun tho#here i am 3 years late idk why the essek thoughts bubble out NOW ignore me
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!!!got a proper tablet!!!
im free from the shackles of drawing with my finger on my phone!!! also click for higher res tumblr hates my textures lmfaoo 😓😓
#mha#bnha#my hero academia#toga himiko#himiko toga#pike art#so much has happened lately!!!!#i have my learners now!#and a tablet!#i felt like i was stuck at a plateau drawing on my phone#no pen pressure#tiny screen#hard to be loose with my strokes and have line confidence#i feel like im gonna start improving a lot more now that i can do this with much less effort than before#anyhow!! youre next was good#not spoiling but it does have some.. dialogue issues but i thought it was funny#love my butch wife giulio
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Steve who keeps using famous rockstar Eddie Munson’s DMs as a place to store notes for himself (grocery lists and to-dos) because he knows Eddie will never see any of that.
Until the day he does see it and asks if Steve remembered to buy onions. It turns out Eddie’s been reading Steve’s lists for months
#eddie munson#steddie#steve harrington#steve x eddie#idk I just have a lot of thoughts#specially late a night#might make this something bigger
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Noelle in some holiday Barbie's fit's
#deltarune#noelle holiday#utdr#barbie#fanart#my art#The sweater tree looks a bit shitty but that's okay...#also I have been getting into older barbie dolls lately#and since a lot of them have very cool outfits and stuff I thought it would be neat to draw Noelle in some of them#specifically the holiday themed ones so yeah...yay
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i think it is the funnest thing in the world to make inquisitors that solas has unrequited romantic feelings for. btw. imagine this one person opening your worldview up so so badly that it jeopardizes everything you have been planning, enhancing your guilt fifty times over, bringing life to this unfamiliar world you previously thought was full of husks,, and they don't return those feelings whatsoever. they might not even like you at all. very fun to play around with
#dai#dragon age#dragon age inquisition#da:i#solas#especially true if the person hes crushing on is interested in someone completely opposed to solas like sera or dorian or vivienne.#having a lot of solas thoughts lately. huh.
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behold hitherto unposted htn doodles! harrow+her terrible mentor, harrow+her terrible roommate
#tlt#my art#these were unfinished which i thought was a shame so i sort slapped some colors nd background stuff on them and now here they are.#top one soooo old but i still liked it and didnt want to condemn it to a fate of sitting in my wip folder forever and ever#bottom ones are more recent; they were scattered throughout the margins of a bunch of different wips and i grouped them together#in this one canvas so i could post them cause i like em. im charmed by soup bowl harrow w/ her normal pajamas. she would probably#not wear that.#ive been thinking abt harrianthe a lot lately i want to post about them more but i can't finish anything lately#not cause im artblocked or anything i'm fine in that respect i just have no free time 💀
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#a doodley#i had to make this blue so tumblr would stop hiding it from the dash#anyway no caption this happened 2 hrs ago#im happy abt my surgery but it and other things this year keep beinging conversations like these up#and i cant handle it at all.#everything my dad tells me just makes me feel worse and not bc its anything bad but bc I Feel Bad#like the conversation then continued to him being like no dont cry im just saying i wpuld have wanted to#quit my job decades ago and set aside money so I wouldnt be struggling as much now but that didnt happen#and i just dont want that to happen to you guys :)#so we have to support u so that your life is what u want it to be#and i cried even more bc what do u mean. thats so sad. ur a person and u were a child and baby once and ur gonna die#and you always almost cry when u talk about your mom who passed away decades ago#and your brothers that passed away#recently and im going to be your age and still sobbing bc i miss my dad. just like i have been prematurely crying about since i was 7#the other day my dad asked my mom if i cried a lot when i was a baby/kid and my mom said no and then my dad#said that when i Did cry it was so severe he thought i would ''drown in my own tears''#bc i could never stop. like. thats still true today. ive been crying on and off since then#i think i mentioned he's just been telling me stories about his life lately and it further fuels this. i get so sad. im sorry your life was#like this. i dont want to die i dont want you to die im sad im sorry im sorry#im scared. im never going to see you again. how horrible. how horrible#i cant enjoy my day today bc every day is a day closer and i get sad
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let's see how far we've come :)
[image id: digital illustration of john egbert, jade harley, rose lalonde, and dave strider from homestuck. they are all laying on a blue checkered picnic blanket laying on top of one another in a familiar manner and smiling.
john is at the center laughing heartily while jade is to the right laying down on her side. dave is to the left and is in a comfortable lounging position with one leg over one of john's and is resting his head in rose's lap who is smirking at john and jade's antics.
they are all in their respective godtier outfits. around them are some lush grassy hills with variously colored wildflowers spotting the landscape and the sburb sun setting behind them. end image id.]
#homestuck#homestuck 413#john egbert#jade harley#rose lalonde#dave strider#i heart these guys so much its crazy that i've been into hs for 12 years#i have a very complicated relationship with it but rereading it is making me appreciate it again and what a cool thing it was#there are LOTS of bad stuff in hs but theres lots of love and passion in it as well#anyway this is my way of making up for not engaging with homestuck for a couple of years and to show my love for the beta kids <33333#they are the best part of hs hands down and i miss act 1-4 antics with them#sorry for the 1 million words i have just been having a lot of thoughts about hs lately and i can't believe it's 15 years old like what
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smoochy acquired
#sukugo#gosuku#jjk#smth cute i did instead of me other wips#lately ive been having a lot of sukugo kissy thoughts#also im kinda in love with this chibi gojo and his dumb face#jujutsu kaisen#f.art#f.stuff#gojo satoru#ryoumen sukuna#i think i need a new stylus it's not working properly OTL i was. struggling.
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some martyn looks... he serves in every outfit he's ever worn i don't know what to tell you
#hes been on my mind a lot lately. i have so many art ideas and thoughts in my skull#martyn littlewood#inthelittlewood#traffic smp#trafficblr#life series#lifeseries#3rd life#third life#last life#limited life#art tag
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#anastasia the ninth#anastasia the first#alecto the first#alecto the ninth#noctiliart#the locked tomb#fan art#nona the ninth#‘im so sorry about samael’ ;-;#i ship them your honor#i’ve been having a lot of anastasia/alecto thoughts lately#you might have noticed#also after months of painting various blonde women with issues i’ve finally nailed down how to paint blonde hair from imagination#and make it look fluffy#here’s a video bc some of you liked it when i include the progress last time 😘
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Sometimes I think about Aventurine in the moment he first discovered his Pathstrider abilities. The moment he first realized he could shield not only himself but also others. The very first moment he realized he could be a source of safety, rather than a burden--than a curse.
Sometimes I think about the hatred he must have felt for himself in that instant.
Where was this power when their camps were burned to the ground with every last one of their meager possessions? Where was this power when his mother died begging as he cowered, playing dead in a bath of the blood of everyone he knew?
Where was this power when his sister stood tall, a silhouette against the lightning, and used her body as the shield? Where was this power in the maze, when it could have spared the screaming child who was the first to die?
You could have saved them. You could have saved them. You could have saved them.
#honkai star rail#aventurine#it's Aventurine angst hour!!!#come get your pain!#sometimes my thoughts on Aventurine are just#“Try not to cry.” “Cry a lot.”#but in particular I think about Aventurine unlocking Preservation powers a lot#canon doesn't tell us whether it happened before or after becoming a Stoneheart#and either way I think could be great#like if it happened right when he first got free#how useless and late it must have felt#if it happened after he became a Stoneheart#how much would he question it#is he a true Pathstrider or just piggy-backing on Diamond's gift#will he lose that protection if he leaves the Stonehearts?#then he can never leave because that's the best tool he has for saving people he loves#don't mind me#sometimes I too want to torment the best boy
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Hey, @geothewriter, was it necessary to break my heart?
A little thing for Vermillion Seas, Cardinal Skies, a truly magnificent fic that has left yours truly rolling on the ground more than once. I'll post the entire artwork once it's finished! For now, you get a little sneak peek.
Start reading the fic here. You can find Chapter 19 (from which this scene comes from) here!
#zutara#atla#zuko#avatar the last airbender#katara#atla fanart#prince zuko#atla art#zutara au#Vermillion Seas Cardinal Skies#katara x zuko#zuko x katara#atla zuko#katara fanart#atla katara#zuko art#zuko fanart#katara of the southern water tribe#zutara fanart#zutara fanfiction#zutara fic#zutara art#I have been wanting to work on this scene for ages—and now it's finally on the workshop!!!!#It truly is heartbreaking. A wonderful way to shatter my soul in meagre pieces and watch them drift away into the void.#They are so soft so wholesome such idiots in love#And it breaks me (and I love it)#Anyway I wanted to share a little something today and I thought this was perfect#There has been a lot of negativity going around the Fandom lately#So this is my attempt to cheer us all up#Go read the fic! Go obsess over these two idiots! VSCS is an absolute marvel to read and think about. I swear it will not disappoint you ❤️
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