#having feelings abt my girl!!! and her suicidality

[partiallypearl]

𝙞 𝙬𝙞𝙡𝙡 𝙟𝙪𝙨𝙩 𝙡𝙚𝙩 𝙮𝙤𝙪 𝙙𝙤𝙬𝙣 𝙮𝙤𝙪 𝙙𝙤𝙣'𝙩 𝙬𝙖𝙣𝙣𝙖 𝙠𝙣𝙤𝙬 𝙢𝙚 𝙣𝙤𝙬 (𝙣𝙤𝙬)

[foccaccia]

does anyone have recommendations for fictional media that has like. actual lesbians in it. not like supergirl Two White Skinny Girls, One Blonde and One Brunette Kiss media, or "its implied lesbianism!!!" but just regular fucking lesbians

[the-lark-ascending69]

> be a robin buckley fan

> be lesbian

> project on robin

> look up "internalized homophobia robin buckley" on tumblr because it's cathartic

> 3/4 of the posts are about st3ddie or just about steve

[kittlyns]

.

[southislandwren]

Oh actually I think some of my resentment towards my friend stems from the fact she addresses me as “hey girl” like 1. not a girl 2. if I told you that I would immediately be in serious danger seeing as you’re radically christian and we live in south dakota.

[beepmeepmeepbeep]

i fucking hate myself i have to gget up in 4 hours

[kroosluvr]

hi!! as a fellow royal trio-truther ive been ADORING and loving your posts so much <3 you mentioned that you've like mentally re-wired shusumi so i was curious if you had a list of head-canons for how they develop in the game/post-game!! Im super curious to hear (: also any head-canons for the akesumi dynamic would be great bc I hate how little the game developed them together !!!

OMGGGGGGGGG HAYYYYYYYYYY ok so. first. look at this (idr if i posted this here already but if i did look again heh..)

ok now ill actually talk under the cut

note that some of this is headcanon territory bc i just be frolicking at this point

some backstory i fell in love w sumi as soon as her art was revealed i was like omfg peak design PEAKKKKKK i love her so much so i was really excited abt her but i feel like there were so many loose ends w her confidant and namely her crush on protag sometimes doing her a disservice (it turned ppl off from her (understandable bc i also dislike when writers make a female character out to be dependent on a male character) but also made other ppl weird abt her in the same breath....... shivers. people who overly-romanticize/sexualize mentally ill characters (especially girls/women) freak me out sorry

anyway that put me off frm p5 fandom for a hot minute. BUT regardless. i think people often focus on like "shy cute sadgirl kouhai crush-on-protag" for her which on top of atlus's.......mediocre handling of her also does her character a disservice... shes so multilayered!! she houses such insane convoluted levels of distress and fear and anger and reluctance and most of all STUBBORNNESS. i think her headstrong personality is not really emphasized in fandom but i can totally see it (maybe its just me but).

ok moving on to my shsm delusions i think to turn sumire's canon crush on its head i want to make them doomed to never get together. i think 3rd semester is so tense and high-emotion that royal trio are so deeply intertwined w each other:

like they all are mildly-to-a-lot suicidal so they hold onto each other so tightly to make sure none of them spirals and does anything bad. i think in the end they just want the other two to be Okay, even if they themself doesn't. if the other two are ok, then it's all good.

ok back to shsm LMAO i think seeing their relationship as like an odd high-emotion situation makes sense. they love each other, obviously, and provide each other comfort, but the idea of a relationship slips thru their fingers like water. is that right...? is that how it is? like i said up there they just crumble under the weight of their own love. tldr theyre in no place to "date" each other........ but they have their "almost." they're inseparable, they love spending time with each other, but knowing in the back of their heads that it won't last, and they'll have to leave it be one day. "sometimes when i really love someone i leave them alone forever." peak shsm to me. "let's run away together - but what if it's not enough? what if all of this fear and sadness still stays? i take a man down to the river and he throws away his sadness but hes still left with his hands, he's still left with the river (paraphrased richard siken). peak shsm to me. i think they try to treat eachother so softly and gently that it fucks it all up, actually. peak shsm to me. it's not codependency in the sense that theyre not trying to save each other - they're just trying to salvage out some love from it all. all of these terrible things that happened: there's still love, right? there's still love. but the pain can't all be sifted out, and everything still hurts. but they still love. (they just don't date or even talk to each other much after graduating and i think they talk to akechi but to each other its suddenly COMPLICATED. i hate these guys)

ironically i think if you throw akechi in the mix it stabilizes out and i think shuakesumi could totally have a happy married ending. but shsm as a pair i dont see endgame for them. peak for me is that theyre in love and then they spend the rest of their lives trying to forget each other (they don't)

(If this sounds ridiculous and stupid im sorry. i just like shoving too-many-emotions onto my favs sometimes (a lot of the time))

IN REGARDS TO AKESUMI i think my latest 2 comics describe how i feel abt them pretty well!!! link 1 and link 2. actually i think akesumi's friendship is a great way for me to explore how i see/portray/feel about sumire, because i see them as way more similar than the game pays attention to. they're both stuck in their ways: sumire in her cowardice, hiding from the incident and refusing to move on, and akechi entrenched in his own traumas and feeling like he doesn't deserve more than that. their self-hatred manifests in two opposite ways but its very similar at the core. they both like. have no fucking clue what they're doing in terms of handling their pasts so that's why i think them working together to get around their own respective traumas is so fascinating: akechi is terrible at it, pushing sumire too far, but at the same time that perspective is something that she needs. meanwhile, her sensitive and observant personality shows akechi that like, you can have This too: a soft, good love. to have someone care about you unconditionally, so gently. you deserve that, too. yeah i can explode my head off now

i did not proofread this.

[akaakeis]

hi sav!! here for da ask game! 6, 25 and 30! :3 i am writing on my laptop so i cant use emojis and im too lazy to c&p heart breaking emoji.... leaks r consuming me rn.

ask game :3

IYA!!! typing on laptops is so annoying bc there r no emojis... i have a windows laptop + i have to press the windows key + the period key and SCROLL through the emojis like thats tm work... anyway keep those leaks AWAY from me brother FAR FAR AWAY

6. How do you want to die?

oh off to a great start i guess!! IN THE MOST NON-SUICIDAL WAY POSSIBLE? falling off a skyscraper!! hear me out bc the feeling of falling that i get on rollercoasters is so pleasant to me SO FALLING OFF A BUILDING WOULD BE A MORE FREE VERSION OF THAT!!!! anyway thats probably how id want to die (also bc i probably wouldn't be in pain cause itd be almost instant)

25. Do you miss anyone from your past?

oh hell yeah let me tell u a little bit ab some of them!! so one of the people that i miss, she was super duper sweet + i met her through a kpop server on discord iirc? we got rly close and then some of her friends leaked my ip in response to something stupid i did so 😋 rly wasn't that deep i was a 12 year old and that was genuinely a traumatic incident for me oml... AND THEN ONE MORE is this girl i was friends with ever since pre-k and then in 7th grade she MADE FUN OF HOW I LOOKED and wouldnt apologize so i miss the idea of her more than i miss her as a person

30. What’s irritating you right now?

my math teacher MY OPP‼️‼️‼️, one of my irls being neurotic about her crush and only talking to me abt her crush, and my meds are making me feel weird hhhhh

[b4rbi3l4nd]

SOS — bad as i wanna be yours

I THINK Y'ALL MIGHT LIKE WHAT GOES DOWN IN THIS CHAPTER IF YOU'RE SO DAMN UPSET ABT THE BABY LMFAO. Also I plan on continuing this series based off some of my fav songs on the albums so don't worry, it may seem like it's over but it is NOT, also a lot of y'all kept ASKING how Malia got pregnant, WELLL, first of all it's Wakanda, they probably got some vibranium super sperm or something and NEXT JUST IGNORE THAT AND SAY FANFICTION MAGIC Y'ALL. Also the only marvel movies/series I can watch without skipping through like dialogue or dozing off is the Black Panther movies and WandaVision so if these personalities do not match the MCU characters then MY BAD, ALSO LIKE THINKING OF HAVING A Y/N x PETER SERIES COMING IN SOON BC I ALREADY HAVE THE IDEA. IF THIS ALSO DOES NOT MATCH THE CORRECT MCU TIMELINE THEN MY BAD AGAIN, NOT A MARVEL FANATIC FR, I JUST CARE ABT BLACK PANTHER AND WANDA💀😦OR MAYBE A MODERN AVATAR SERIES? HM? OR NOT LMAO

𝐓𝐇𝐄 𝐃𝐄𝐀𝐋

GIF by mandalor-din

series summary: you broke up with shuri a few years ago and left wakanda for good until namor. now that he's killed the queen and multiple wakandan civilians, he's seen as a great threat and as former second in command at shuri's lab and wakanda's loyal warrior it is your duty to return and fight for your country. but a certain somebody makes the mission way too hard to deal with.

episode summary: after the night with shuri, you're feeling way too uncomfortable around her, especially since you kept getting flashbacks the whole day, you thought she'd felt the same way but no, absolutely opposite. paired up with that, a surprise at the palace causes the final war to break out...or is it?

genre: ANGST, slow, slow, slow burn, fluff

pairing: shuri x black fem reader

episode warnings: mature dialogue, suggestive dialogue, suggestive scenes, cursing, trauma, shouting, mentions of death, suicide, missing people etc. this is a series. you are currently looking at the fourth chapter of the series, please go to my profile to read the previous chapters before continuing (if you haven't read the other chapters yet, if so, please continue)

taglist: @yvxmpire, @sweetalittleselfish-honey, @xxmilli, @queenofsimpsblog, @ziayamikaelson, @shuriislut, @atssukoo, @widowmakker, @cuddl3s4shur1, @n7cje, @ts1mp0ne, @locoforshuri

proofread?: no but if there are errors then it's grammarly's fault.

word count: girl idfk

inspirations: 'SOS' — SZA

song: 'Love Language' — SZA

send your thoughts and requests

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You rub your eyes before blinking repeatedly and looking around. The first thing you feel as your senses come to is the arms of someone around you.

Memories immediately come flooding to your mind as your mouth dropped to the floor wide open.

"Tonight, baby i want you."

"I love when you wear that sthandwa"

"Fuck, I love when you get vocal entle.

"Hm...? It's just one finger baby, you can take more than that right?"

You stopped your mind from spitting out more dirty words that Shuri said to you last night. You took deep breaths before looking over at your phone on the nightstand.

10:30 AM.

You put your hands on hers, slowly removing them from your body. As you tried to free from her grip, she just tightened them and pulled you even closer. You could feel her breath on your neck.

Fuck was she awake?

You slowly turned around in the bed till you were face to face with her. She was so beautiful in her sleep, her curls just perfectly falling in place in her face.

You shook your head.

Stay focused Y/N.

You tried again, this time, grabbing a pillow and putting it in your place before rolling out of bed.

Once you got out, you sighed and then looked at yourself in the mirror. Her t-shirt was bunched up on your hips, completely exposing the lower half of your body. You looked around for your lingerie, slipping the lower half on. The panties with the stockings and ribbons at the knee.

You looked around, grabbing all your clothes, your phone and your stuff and piling it in your hands before slowly exiting the apartment.

You sighed, closing the door carefully as you leaned against the wall.

Bast..what was I thinking..

Your mind wandered back to last night, just thinking about the pleasure made your knees buckle.

"OH SHURI, SHURI, YES, YES, YES!" You moaned out in pleasure as your vision turned white.

"That's it baby...keep going." Shuri groaned in your ear as she quickened her pace, you held onto her arm, feeling her restraint.

You bit your lip, bringing yourself back to reality as you slinked back along the walls. You had to get to your room without getting noticed.

It took a while, especially with a bunch of Dora Milaje warriors and guards roaming around the castle. You finally got out your key and placed it against the door, opening the door to your room.

You sighed, closing your door quietly as you placed your head against it.

"Where were you last night?"

Shit.

You turned around to be met with Riri. Her hands were on her hips as she looked at you up and down, raising an eyebrow at your attire.

"Riri...I fucked up."

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"YOU HAD SEX WITH THE QUEEN?!"

"SHHHH! SOMEONE MIGHT HEAR YOU!" You shushed Riri loudly as she slapped her hands over her mouth.

"Y/N, do you know how BAD that is. Um, not only is she the QUEEN OF WAKANDA AND YOUR BOSS but she's also your ex?! What were you thinking?! When I said we wanted them panties dropping, I didn't mean by HER!"

"I know, I know, it's just...I was just not thinking straight, at all."

Riri sighed deeply, sitting down on your bed before patting a spot next to you.

"Well, it already happened, just tell me you guys used protection?"

You blinked a couple times before looking off to the side, your mouth folding inwards.

"Omg, you didn't use protection?! Okay, at least tell me that she pulled out or something!"

You look down, distinctively remembering her pushing up against you, the feeling of just her filling you up.

"Okay, has this turned to mission: get a baby or what?! First it's Malia, now it's you!"

"It's fine! Okay, I'll just...get on the pill!" You throw yourself back on your bed, putting a hand on your stomach.

"You weren't on the pill before?"

"Why would I be? I haven't had sex in 4 years."

"Wow that's sad...God, that's sad."

"I'm a grown woman, okay. I don't need to have sex to properly function." You turned around in your spot as Riri thought for a moment.

"Well, how was it?"

"Really good....really...really..good."

"O-kay then...what did she say? Was her words slurring? Because if so then she was drunk and she might wake up not remembering anything so you might be in the clear."

"No...no, she was very much sober, especially after the bath.."

"Y'ALL SHOWERED TOGETHER?! Y/N!" Riri stood up, shocked and you soon followed after, standing with her.

"I know! I know okay but she just always did aftercare..she even used the little panther bath bombs I always loved..but.." You trailed off, looking to the side, worry spread across your face.

"What? But what?" Riri asked, looking at you with concern.

"She kept calling me nicknames and pet names like...baby and my love and beautiful and she referred to her bed as our bed AND...she said she loved me...on multiple occasions, even when she rocked me to sleep, she kept whispering sweet nothings...Riri, I'm folding." You fold your arms together to keep your knees from buckling. Her voice just did stuff to you.

"No, no, no, no, no, no. Y/N, get a grip of yourself, you're a grown-ass woman. Okay? Look, this is only gonna open up a world of problems, I mean if she was sober, telling you that she loves you?! God..." She looked at you as you bit your lip.

"I got it!" You raised your hands up with a nervous smile. "I'll just ignore her, she probably feels regret like I do so, we just won't speak for a long time till we have to."

And that's exactly what you did for the rest of the day, you ignored her. You went to the lab extra late that day so you blended in with the extra people, making it harder for her to see you. You strictly stayed downstairs even though some of the stuff you needed was on the second floor but you knew she'd be there so you made custom parts. Whenever she came into view, you'd immediately turn around and hide behind something or someone. She even called out your name a few times but you just kept quiet, you really didn't want that awkward after-sex conversation.

And everything was pretty going great with your plan, except for the random flashbacks during the day. It was now lunch time and you were heading over to the cafe where you normally met up with Riri. As you entered the huge place, you scanned the room, immediately noticing Shuri sitting at a table with M'Baku, Nakia and Okoye. Riri was sitting on the other side of the room, headphones in and eating her food.

You sighed. As you looked back at Shuri, you noticed she was already looking at you and you quickly diverted eye contact. Out of your peripheral vision, you noticed her walking towards you and you quickly made your way over to the counter, ordering your food.

You tapped your foot impatiently, waiting for your food, knowing she was getting closer. You looked with a side eye, noticing she had stopped and was distracted by someone. Once your food finally came, you took it and practically sprinted over to Riri, sitting at the table, sighing.

"Oh my God, she was walking over to me.." You start rambling, taking deep breaths to calm yourself down.

"Just take your time Y/N." Riri said, taking off her headphones. "You think she forgot already?"

"Hopefully."

You settle, looking down at your food as you pick up a fork but you freeze when you feel someone's hands on your shoulders.

"Hey," Shuri said, moving her hands over to your waist.

"Heyyyy..." you mutter out as she moved her lips over to your neck. You looked over at Riri who had a shocked face and was motioning with her eyes over to the door.

"Um...actually..." You stopped her before she could start kissing your neck, standing up as she stood up straight, looking at you confused.

"I need to go take care of...stuff." You smile weakly at her and exit the cafe.

"I'll go...check on her with the...stuff." Riri stands up, rushing after you, leaving Shuri lost.

You sigh as you push open the doors to the throne room, sitting down on a chair. You smoothen out your dress, running your hands on your thighs before looking out the large windows to calm yourself down.

"What was that out there?!" Riri says, walking in behind you.

You turn over to Riri, shrugging. "I don't know, she just came up to me and started kissing my neck, I don't know if she thinks we're dating now..."

"I mean you 2 fucked...and she said she loved you, that's like a dating thing right?" Riri asked, sitting in front of you.

"I'm not sure.."

"But do you love her?"

"I do. Of course, I do...surprisingly never stopped."

"Well, then you wanna date her right?"

You paused at this. Did you wanna date her?

"Of...course..." You trailed off, looking to the side, sounding unsure.

"Y/N..?" Shuri asked, opening the doors to the throne room.

"I'll...leave you 2 be." Riri stood up, walking out the room as Shuri walked in, sitting across from you.

It was an awkward silence for a bit before Shuri spoke up. "I'm sorry if what I did in the cafe made you uncomfortable I just thought...-"

"No, no it's fine." You stopped her, giving her a smile.

"Um, about last night." She started, looking at you.

"Oh God.." you muttered under your breath, feeling a wave of embarrassment.

"I want you to know that I wasn't drunk or under the influence when I said all that stuff..I really mean it, I do love you and I know I said that I wasn't gonna ask you to be my girlfriend or anything I just...I really missed you Y/N." She took your hands in hers as she stared you deep in the eye. "I want to explore us again...I want to be your girlfriend Y/N."

Your breath hitched at her declaration of love. You slightly frowned. "And it's not that I don't want that it's just...there are things about me that you don't know."

"So tell me, tell me everything Y/N." Shuri leaned in closer as you bit your lower lip.

"It's not that simple.." You released your hands from her grip, looking down, tears watering in your eyes. Whenever you thought about it, those memories flooded your mind, horribly.

Shuri didn't say anything and looked at you before sighing and standing up. "It's fine, just forget about last night." She turned around, taking a deep breath as she started her way to the door.

"I can't just forget about last night Shuri.." You choke out, looking up and to the side as she shook her head, not even turning her head to you.

"Just keep things professional..okay?" She opened the door to the throne room as you looked down.

You really didn't want to fuck everything up again but you just didn't like talking about it, talking about her. You choked on your words, blinking back your tears as you fiddled with your fingers.

"It was when I left Wakanda." You made out as you heard the throne room door close.

"You don't have to share if you don't want to..." Shuri turned back around, walking over to you and sitting down.

"No, no, listen..." You look up, wiping away tears, taking a shaky breath in and out. "I was...working with the avengers...recruited by Stark."

Your mind flashed back to 4 years ago when Tony Stark recruited you. You shook hands with him, smiling as he smiled back.

"Gotta make room for new growing minds right?" Tony said.

"Yes sir." You nervously said, pushing up your glasses.

It was the first time you've seen Tony smile when he wasn't with his wife and you really didn't want to get him riled up.

You had your hair in an afro and you were wearing a dark blue suit jacket with a matching skirt, white pumps and white pearls.

As you exited the office in Stark Industries, you bumped into a tall white woman with ginger hair in a black suit.

"Hey, you must be the new recruit, right? I'm Natasha Romanoff" She held out her hand for a handshake and you shook it.

"Y/N Amadi." You say, your Wakandan accent seemingly very strong because she noticed right away.

"Wakandan?" She raised an eyebrow as you nodded your head. "So you're like the smart one, like Shuri right?"

At the mention of her name, you looked down slightly and then nodded again, the sight of her crying and begging you not to go on the floor still fresh in your mind.

"Hey, you okay?"

"Yeah, yeah just had a lot on my mind, what were you saying?" You look back up at the woman as she looked to the side and then back at you.

"Come meet my team, you're going to be working with us for some time anyway." She took your hand, leading you over to a different room.

"Everything was fine for a while until I met her."

You noticed another younger woman, she was ginger as well and you approached her.

"Hi, I'm...Y/N, you?"

She turned around to face you, almost seeming shy before she smiled at you with her green eyes.

"I'm Wanda."

"Wanda was my first friend, she showed me around a lot, we worked together but she could get very emotional and sometimes she scared me when talking about her lover? Vision..a robot. She would have me work on him, even when Tony told us he was off limits."

"Are you sure we're supposed to be here?" Your voice was timid as you jumped the fence with Wanda and she rolled her eyes slightly.

"Yes, come on, Vision is in this building." She led you over to the huge building, government territory.

You scanned a fake card that wanda had you make as you guys entered the territory. She led you through the building and down into some sort of lab where a huge blanket sheet was on a table.

She flipped on the lights and then carefully walked over to the table, taking off the sheet revealing the most beautiful and well crafted robot you've ever seen.

"Oh my Bast...and you say he's like a human?" You walk along the sides of the table as Wanda admired him.

"Yes, Vision can talk, walk, act like one..." She sighed at him before looking up at you. "But the government has kept him here out of unfairness."

"Are you positive, they kept him here because they are unfair?" You raised an eyebrow at Wanda. "Maybe they kept him here for other reasons..-"

"No. I know the government, they want to take my vision from me, which is why you must help me. Please Y/N, I'm your best friend, remember?" She took your hands in hers and you turned to the side, looking away slightly before nodding.

"Alright but I don't want Tony to know, or else I'll lose my job and if the government finds out, I'll be put in a federal prison or executed."

"They won't. We'll start off small, you'll help restore Vision and then when he's good to go, I'll take him away. It'll be safe, I promise."

"And so I agreed. We would go over to the lab, nightly. Every day and we wouldn't leave until the sun shone over. As time passed on though, there was this thing, gem...stone rather in Vision's head and with more work done to him, the more it glowed. I realized soon that it would be dangerous to continue working on him, especially since I didn't know the dangers of this gem."

"You'll be fine Y/N, it's just used to power Vision, continue quickly. They'll soon get here." Wanda rushed you but you shook your head.

"No, it's glowing unnaturally, I can't continue to work on it."

"Y/N, you're just being paranoid, come on. We have to go soon."

"No, Wanda...look." You reached over to touch the stone but that's when your pupils went white and the gemstone turned black.

"Y/N!" was all you heard before footsteps and then you blacked out.

"I woke up in prison. Federal prison. We got caught...well, I got caught. Wanda got away and I later found out that she made a town with Vision and...whatever, but still. I was right about that gemstone. You know those dark purple things you saw come out the other day..yeah, we're...getting there."

"Who...who are you..?!" You speak out, sitting on the floor, backing away as a shadowy figure was standing in the center of the room, staring back at you.

Your glasses were broken and you were in federal prison by now, changed into gray and white clothes.

"I am dar, your companion forever. You summoned me, remember?" The figure walked towards you before a disfigured smile formed on it's face and it stretched your mouth out, open wide and then entered inside you, feet first and then the body.

God, it was terrifying and the person watching the surveillance camera was later put in a ward.

"I later found out it was a she and she was tethered to me. She was a virus I apparently created. When I worked with Vision, I was supposed to take out the gem but we didn't and whenever errors were made, I thought I erased them but...it just went into the gem until it became uncontrollable. I basically cursed myself with some magical coding shit, I don't know. I gave myself powers in the WORST wat imaginable and she's really only released with pent-up rage or sadness..."

You looked up at Shuri who was just staring back at you with an unreadable expression. You buried your face in your head, sighing.

"I know..I know, I sound stupid, I know."

"No, no, you don't, it's just that that's a lot. I'm sorry..- thank you for telling me." She reached out to touch your hand and you let her.

"Well, I didn't want it to seem like I was rejecting you...because I'm not."

You two look at each other in comfortable silence as you share a weak smile. She looked like she was about to say something but that's when the doors to the throne room burst open and a dora milaje warrior rushed in.

"Malia...she's gone.!"

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You and Shuri rushed through the hallways with the warrior following you as you entered the infirmary, horrified with what you saw.

The doctor's stomach was gutted open and there was a tear in the vibranium wall, separating the cell from the rest of the palace.

You pressed your hand over your mouth as you looked down at the woman's lifeless body on the ground, her eyes wide open, seeing everything and nothing.

"What happened here?!" Shuri asked, looking over to the warrior.

"Nalaji...she was giving Malia her lunch but as she opened up the barrier to place the food in, Malia suddenly lashed out and attacked her. No weapons were found, none was there a trace of any vibranium used in the crime scene except for the wall."

You look into the cell and there was a plate of food scattered all across the floor.

"THE BORDERS!" Shuri rushed out to the infirmary as a loud alarm went off. It took you some time as you stumbled out of the room, following the sound of Shuri's voice, leading you over to the lab.

"My Queen...your girlfriend, Y/N has entered the lab."

"Thank you Griot." Shuri sounded annoyed as she waved through some work on the top floor, people scurrying around.

Despite all the chaos, it caused some butterflies in your chest that Shuri had programmed Griot to call you her girlfriend and ACTUALLY say your name...it was better than being called "unknown woman" every time you entered the lab.

You rushed over to your working space, and opening your laptop but you were deterred away from the computer as you heard screaming. You looked up at the windows to be met with the horrific sight of some warriors at the water borders completely dead and gutted, a rip made in the borders.

"SECURE ALL THE BORDERS!" Shuri ordered as warriors and people rushed out of the lab as directions were dished out to everyone.

"Are the ships ready for battle?" Shuri asked one of the people at the lab.

"Yes, my queen."

"Good. We're bringing the battle over to them. If they think they can just come and kill my people, they are horribly mistaken."

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"YIMBAMBE!" Shuri shouted out, raising her fist out into the air as the Wakandan warriors repeated.

"YIMBAMBE!" They repeated.

"YIMBAMBE!"

"YIMBAMBE!"

You looked out to the water as Namor and the Talokans emerged and jumped onto the ships, and immediately the fighting began.

"You blue people were better in Avatar..." You scoffed as you grabbed the daggers from your back pockets, ready to face them off.

As a warrior approached you, heading for a punched, you grabbed her fist and threw her down on the floor, slicing her throat open, then you turned around quickly, punching another one coming behind you, throwing them across the ship as the landed hard on the floors. You stepped back, looking at the scene. It had just started and bodies were already dropping.

You fought off more people before noticing Namor. You ran straight for him but he turned around just in time, grabbing your neck, lifting you up in the air.

You gasped for air as you looked down, moving one leg so far back and then kicked him with maximum power, right in the groin and then moving another leg to kick him in the neck.

His grip on you loosened as you fell to the floor, you grabbed a spear slicing at his thigh, causing him to fall over. Your eyes were like slits now as you were looking at him with pure hatred. You wanted to kill him, drive your hand right through his chest and bring out his heart.

"You took my dad from me." You spat at him, bringing your foot to his neck, pressing harder.

"DAD!" You heard a familiar voice shriek as you look up, brought face to face with Malia. She was in a warrior outfit and she looked at you with anger burning in her eyes.

You quickly looked down, grabbing Namor by the hair, pulling him up.

"Y/N...unhand my father now." Malia said, hissing at you as you scoffed.

"You can say that about your dad but guess what, can't say that about my dad now can I? Where was this attitude when your father over here drowned his grave..hm?" You looked over at Namor, stepping on one of his wings as you held a dagger up to his throat.

You looked straight at Malia, your eyebrows furrowed as you narrowed your eyes in on her.

"A father...for a father. A life, for a life."

You sliced his neck open before throwing him across the ship. His body fell into a ship that flew up nearby. The dehydration tank.

As much as you wished you did slice his neck open...you didn't. You cut deep enough to bleed but shallow enough not to hit a nerve.

"NO!" Malia cried out as she watched it all unfold in front of her. She turned to you, her eyes burning with rage but yours was burning just the same, maybe even harder.

"AH!" She rushed towards you with a punch but you quickly dodged her, spears in hands as you made a fist.

"YOU WANNA DANCE BITCH?! COME ON!" You shouted at her as you stood your ground. She stood in her fighting stance, across from you.

You both circled each other until she finally rushed up to you with a kick but you caught it with your hands, turning around and swiftly kicking her square in the tummy, sending her flying across the ship.

You watch as she sharply hit the edge, banging her head and her back hardly.

You stood up straight and paid attention to her body movement. She stood up slowly, eyes wide as she looked down to her legs.

Confused, your eyes followed hers before your eyes widened. Blood slowly dripped down her legs as she muttered out..

"My baby.."

"Fuck."

Although you didn't like her, you know how it feels to have a miscarriage and you felt an extreme wave of guilt knowing you caused it too.

You rushed over to her side as she fell to her knees, clutching her tummy. Her head lowered as you got on your knees, next to her.

"Oh my...shit..are you okay?" You panic, looking at her.

"No...but I will be."

Was all you heard again before your mouth opened, wide, blood trickling out. You looked down to see she had plunged a spear straight through your stomach...your own spear.

"Fuck...you.." was all you could mutter out till you saw Shuri and Namor on a flying ship...and then you blacked out.

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You woke up about 2 weeks later in the lab. Your eyes darted open as you looked up at everything. Shuri was at your side, holding your hand and as you immediately woke up, she grabbed you, hugging you tightly.

"Don't ever scare me like that, ever again.." She said, choking on her words.

You hugged her back but immediately felt guilt. You pull back from Shuri and look at her. "Malia is no longer pregnant.." You bite your lip as she stays silent before nodding.

"She was on the battlefield when she lost the baby...the cause is unknown but it's..tragic."

You knew that Shuri wants kids..or well at least she used to when you guys were together. She would often talk about raising her own family but that was years ago. It would explain why she wanted Malia to keep the baby so bad.

"Do you...have a lead on who did it?" You ask, your voice raising as Shuri shook her head.

"No..but when we find out who did it, I'll kill them."

You gulp. Okay, then.

"Sorry, it's just..I saw this child as a way to get the family I always wanted back..yknow?"

"Yeah...I'm sorry for your loss.." You looked down as Shuri sighed.

"It's not your fault."

But it was..

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You paced around the room, biting your nail frantically and impatiently. You were currently trying to add up the dates because today, as well as yesterday and the days before, you've been waking up terribly sick.

You just thought it was a side effect from almost dying so many times, blacking out and all, and also a side effect from dar but that wasn't it. It didn't add up..at all. So..you decided to take a pregnancy test. But not just one, multiple.

3 American ones and 4 Wakandan ones, just to be sure. Beeping filled the bathroom as you turned off the timer, looking at the pregnancy tests, your eyes wide.

Positive...positive...positive....positive...positive...positive...positive.

"FUCK." You sit down on the closed-lid toilet burying your face in your hands. It's been around 3 weeks since you and Shuri were intimate and you hadn't even realized when you missed your period because of the drama going on at the palace.

"Y/N! You in here?" Shuri entered your apartment as she walked around then into the bathroom, looking down at you, raising an eyebrow. "You okay?"

You look up to her, worry in your face as take a deep sigh.

"I'm pregnant."

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[ghostbbunny]

Would love to hear u talk about Rev/watt and what u like abt their dynamic

Sorry it took a little for a reply gah (I also wouldn't say I'm the best at explaining this type of stuff, so I hope I'm not just yapping

In my mind they’re both a bit curious about each other in their own ways. Wattson picks up on his nialism/suicidal ideation which is pretty obvious to anyone who is around him for more than five minutes, but I do think Natalie’s empathy would want to feel for him and be a little curious about the simulacrum and what it can/does feel, if anything. Revenant likes to toy with people but I feel like Wattson is too snarky, confident and smart to put up with/be affected by a lot of his attitude - which frustrates him but also amuses him (idk what isn’t funny about a tiny snarky french girl). Wattson isn't very phased by his manipulation/lies or cruelty in any sense (I think she’s too smart and confident for it to bother her) and will call him out for it/tease which makes him even more invested in what he prob sees as a game so he’s not gonna just kill her. I also like to think Natalie gets some kick out of bullying Revenant back too and having a bit of a mouthy dialogue with him since she doesn’t really get that with other characters. 

If I'm being real I see it as a relationship that really wouldn’t go anywhere because of both their stubbornness - mostly revs since he’s not ready and probably never will be ready to let go of his ego/coldness to show anyone any sort of genuine feelings he may have. Wattson also wouldn’t put up with being put down by him every time they spoke and would ultimately stop talking to him silent treatment style. If they ever got to the point of real banter or more consistent dialogue I think it would end very quickly in a fight and/or distance 

On a more delusional note - I’d like to think if her pushback is enough to draw him out of his chassis then maybe they could be something more? His small opening up could also cause more of Watt’s caring and genuine personality to be directed towards him for once when he isn’t taking everything she says and twisting it for his rude remarks, so they get to be a little more vulnerable with each other. I’m not saying that Rev would necessarily open up in a clear way, but Wattson is pretty observant and inquisitive which I feel might push him back a bit too/annoy him a bit more. They're still teasing ofc but over time it's less harsh and much more playful, which I think could lead to more genuine interactions and conversations between them :3

[aliceosemansolos]

I JS REALIZED ION HAVE A INTRO POST SO IMMA MAKE ONE.

MY NAME IS FRIDAYY!! IDC ABT PRONOUNS TBH. PERO LIKE THEY/THEM IF U CARE. IM A MINOR SO IF UR 18+ DONT BE WEIRD. IM WRITING A PODCAST CALLED GHOST TOWN, COMING OUT AT SOME POINT!! ON YOUTUBE!!

FAV SHOWS: SCOTT PILGRIM TAKES OFF, HEARTSTOPPER, OHSHC (OURAN HIGH SCHOOL HOST CLUB), SOUTH PARK, NANA, I AM NOT OKAY WITH THIS, BROOKLYN NINE NINE, SHOUJO ANIMES, DOCTOR WHO, BOJACK HORSEMAN, YOUNG ROYALS

FAV MOVIES: HEATHERS, BUT IM A CHEERLEADER, IT (BOTH OF THEM), FEAR STREET (THE 2ND MOVIE TO BE EXACT PERO I LOVE THEM ALL), BRING IT ON ( ALL OF THEM OBVI), SCOTT PILGRIM VS THE UNIVERSE, JUNO, UP THE ACADEMY, TEACHERS, SPEAK, KARATE KID, GOOD WILL HUNTING, THE OUTSIDERS, I SAW THE TV GLOW

FAV BOOKS: SOLITAIRE, THE OUTSIDERS, HOW IT FEELS TO FLOAT, GIRL IN PIECES, SUICIDE NOTES, THE HEARTSTOPPER BOOKS, RADIO SILENCE, IT, THE CATCHER IN THE RYE, IF HE HAD BEEN WITH ME, IF ONLY I HAD TOLD HER, HATE LIST, YOUD BE HOME NOW, SPEAK, ACT COOL, A BREATH TOO LATE

RANDOM THINGS I LIKE: VINYLS, MUSIC, CDS, BAGGY CLOTHES, ALICE OSEMAN, DUMPLINGS, FASHION, ART, COLLAGES, MUSICALS, SWEET FOODS, BAKING, THE COLOR PURPLE ND RED, BLACK NAILS, POLISH MOVIES, MOVIE THEATRES, 80S AND 90S FILMS

FAV CHARATERS: TORI SPRING, ALED LAST, MICHAEL HOLDEN, KIM PINES, KNIVES CHAU, RICHIE (IT), BIZ (HOW IT FEELS TO FLOAT), HOLDEN CAULFIELD, TARA JONES, RAYNE SEPGUTA (IDK HOW TO SPELL HER LAST NAME), WENDY (SOUTH PARK), KENNY MCORNICK, EMILY (CLASS OF 09), SAL FISHER, JOHNNY (THE OUTSIDERS), LARRY JOHNSON, HACHI, NANA, SHINICHI, JACK MURPHY, FINNY SMITH(IF I HE HAD BEEN WITH ME-IF ONLY I HAD TOLD HER), CHOOCH BAMBALAZI, DANIEL LARUSSO, EDDIE PALIKINIKN(IDK HOW TO SPELL HIS LAST NAME).

FAV GAMES: CLASS OF 09(THE RE-UP IS MY FAV), UNPACKING, OUR LIFE GAMES, BAD END THEATRE, SALLY FACE, RANDOM ITCH.IO GAMES, RHYTHM DOCTOR, STARDEW VALLEY, LAST SEEN ONLINE, OMORI

FAV MUSIC: RADIOHEAD, MITSKI, TV GIRL, ALEX G, THE SMITHS, ANY MIDWEST EMO, MSI, KIMYA DAWSON, THE MOLDY PEACHES, THE CURE, THE BEATLES, SUBLIME, FOO FIGHTERS, MOST DEATH METAL BANDS, CHELSEA GRIN(THATS METAL PERO WHATEVA), KORN, NIRVANA, THE POLICE, BAUHAUS, SIOXIES AND THE BANSHES, ALL GARAGE PUNK

FANDOMS IM IN: CLASS OF 09, SALLYFACE, STARDEW VALLEY, OSEMANVERSE OBVI, OMORI, SCOTT PILGRIM, BLUE PERIOD, FRUIT BASKET, TOKYO REVENGERS, KIMI NO TODOKE, NANA, PRETTY MUCH ANYTHING WITH MICHAEL CERA INVOLVED, AND PROB MORE I JS FORGOT

FAV PODCASTS: WELCOME TO NIGHTVALE, HELLO FROM THE HALLOWOODS, AND UNIVERSE FRIDAY

GO FOLLOW MY INSTAGRAM: ALICEOSEMANSOLOS‼️‼️

[lesbixch]

i was reading someones post on sayaka here and i generally agreed w it but i wanted to write my own thoughts on sayaka, reading her as a young girl who... fundamentally hates herself. like i think ppl dont notice that she doesnt like herself in the beginning of the story and they think it comes out of nowhere. but her self hate motivates literally everything she does in pmmm. i think people miss that the cause effect structure here, thinking that sayaka does things and that makes her hate herself. to me it is more that sayaka hates herself, therefore she does things to punish herself, to self harm, to self sabotage, and occasionally scrambles to do something for other people to try to drown out that self hate - which of course rarely works. not very coherent, but heres 5 points under the cut

discussion of suicide self harm and depression tw

1. in the background of pmmm, sayaka has known kyosuke since they were little. presumably she started liking him bc he was good at violin and she.... probably wasnt. she was kinda sorta friends w him but not really, and pmmm (and hitomi) make it very clear that she has struggled w confessing to him. this already hints at her not having high self esteem. when she tries to make him feel better after his accident, she brings him CDs to listen to in the hospital. im reading into it but i genuinely dont think sayaka thinks of herself as interesting enough to just TALK to kyousuke while hes there. she NEEDS another thing to take the attention off her - music - to even interact w him. she doesnt think that her presence, her being there as a FRIEND is going to cheer him up all that much. like she brings up music as a conversational topic and physically brings CDs for kyousuke to listen to enough times that HE starts interpreting it as some kind of cruel joke shes playing on him. this to me is a sign that she does not like herself, and she doesnt understand why other ppl would like her as a person either, unless she was doing something for them.

(theres also smth to be said abt how much of her crush on kyosuke is bc she likes HIM as a person, rather than his talent, or after his accident, the idea that she can help him and feel useful herself. in some sense she tries to use him to feel valued and not hate herself. it doesnt work)

the important part here is that theres already signs that sayaka doesnt like herself, she doesnt have much self esteem, and she attempts to boost her self esteem by doing things for other people.

2. so sayaka doesnt really like herself. in the early eps, she talks about how unfair it is that people like her have a safe life and are offered a wish while many others struggle without having the same opportunity. extrapolating here, you can make the argument that sayaka doesnt like herself and doesnt think herself deserving of the happy safe life that others want so much. to be offered a wish on top of it feels like yet another thing to hate abt herself. she doesnt deserve a wish! she has not suffered enough to get a wish! shes guilty over it! shes safe, shes well fed, she has a roof over her head, and her self hate warps her mindset in such a way that she thinks of being offered a wish not as a happy fortunate event, but as something that reveals that she is stupid. she quite literally frames her caution around making a wish as being stupid and naive.....

there isnt really the language about 'deserving' in this scene, thats me reading into this a lot, but i do think later eps fit the same general theme. sayaka is a hero of justice fighting witches to save other people, but do other people deserve to be saved? (cough cough ep8 train scene). does she deserve to be saved? does she deserve to have a happy life? does she deserve to try a relationship with kyousuke? does she deserve to have madoka as a friend? does she deserve to be treated with kindness/pity by kyoko? i'd argue that the wish conversation in ep2 sets up these series of questions about what sayaka deserves pretty well. this scene, this early on, tells us that sayaka already feels guilt at being safe and okay. why should she be happy or safe when other people suffer. it just takes a little more self hate to push her into "i dont actually deserve to be happy or safe", which drives her self harm self hate spiral later.

3. sayakas attempts desperately to feel better abt herself by doing things for other people. early on she takes on the role of madokas protector, driving homura away with the fire extinguisher and promising to beat homura up - mami laughs and is like Anyway if something happens ill be there to protect you, which sayaka gets upset at. its played for laughs, and yet, if we take seriously the way that sayaka builds her self esteem up as a protector (of madoka, of kyosuke, of the people, of justice), it does smart a little. of course sayaka would be inclined to become a magical girl if it means she can protect others, which mami implies she cannot quite do as a regular girl. later sayaka wants to help mami - she brings a bat to a witch fight - and fails to help mami in any way in ep3. her helplessness, her guilt, her self hate all factor into her decision to become a magical girl. only then can she truly protect people right? only then will she be actually worth something, will she deserve to be alive?

now that ive argued my point that theres seeds planted early on that sayaka doesnt like herself, doesnt have self esteem, thinks of herself as worthless if she doesnt do things for others - it casts all her later actions as self sabotaging and self harming, and purposefully so, even if sayaka may not call it that. she takes the actions she takes bc she doesnt like herself, and it fuels her self hate, and she spirals into more and more self destructive actions in turn.

4. sayaka is weak as a magical girl - kyoko shows her that - and she is no longer needed by kyousuke, so her attempts at helping and protecting people fail to make her feel better. if shes weak, she cant protect people, and thus shes worthless. if she wishes for kyousuke to be healed, and he doesnt know, he wont thank her, and he wont like her, and he wont need her since the healing is already done. because sayaka fundamentally hates herself and thinks herself worthless, one act done to help someone isnt nearly enough to make her love or even value herself. especially when she can never be recognized for it.

(hitomi fits in here too - she will never know sayaka outright saved her in ep4, and sayaka will never get recognition or gratitude for it. instead, from sayakas POV, hitomi will basically betray her for it)

and heres where the spiraling/cyclical hate kicks in. she hates herself, so she thinks it selfish and horrible to ask for recognition/gratitude/being liked back in turn. but because she hates herself, she needs external recognition, gratitude, being liked back in turn to feel better about herself, to not feel worthless. she hates herself, so she doesnt talk to kyousuke at all (she doesnt deserve it), but not getting his attention, recognition, gratitude, kindness etc also makes her hate herself. she cant win, bc she cannot let herself win.

when hitomi brings up kyousuke, sayaka feels a burst of regret for saving her, and it fuels her self hate yet again - magical girls cant wish death on people!! she cant accept hitomis compromise to allow sayaka to confess first, bc she is ashamed of being a soulless husk. but she cant just accept that hitomi and kyousuke might get together bc... she wants to be needed and liked by them, especially kyousuke. she doesnt want to be a burden, a third wheel, a forgotten worthless friend. she wants to be special to someone, namely kyousuke. she wants to be needed and liked this desperately bc... she hates herself. huh! everything seems to come down to sayaka hating herself at the root of it !! she sabotages herself bc she hates fundamentally herself!!! if there is an option for sayaka to be better, she refuses it because she doesnt deserve to feel better, even if she wants to be better on some level - bc she hates herself !!!!!!!

relatedly, at any point in time, sayaka can ask for help from homura or madoka (or at least try), but she refuses to, bc she thinks she doesnt deserve it. she hates that she is weak enough to need help, it makes her hate herself more. kyubey plays on this by talking abt how much more powerful madoka would be as a magical girl than sayaka, and sayaka starts feeling resentful and jealous, and that fuels her self hate even more. i interpret the scene in ep8 where she lashes out at madoka as partially her resentment boiling up, but also partially a cry for help. she cannot ask for help the regular way, she can only do so in this indirect "well if ur so powerful why dont u take my place and suffer for me huh???" way, and it still fuels more self hate - this time not bc shes weak enough to be asking madoka to bail her out, but bc she purposefully hurts madoka. we can also interpret this scene as sayaka purposefully lashing out to drive madoka off bc she doesnt deserve to be with madoka anymore - a hollow husk, weak, worthless, and now feeling jealousy and resentment and not just self hate but hate towards hitomi, kyousuke, madoka. she could never deserve madokas kindness.

5. sayaka kind of knows shes self harming. shes def aware of it even if she wont admit it to other ppl. like i think she very purposefully does things that will hurt her bc, at her very core, she believes she deserves to hurt. she fundamentally hates herself and so will hurt herself and sabotage her relationships. she doesnt deserve to be safe, she doesnt deserve to not hurt, she doesnt deserve happiness, she doesnt deserve other peoples kindness. ive seen people frame it more as her blundering into yet another thing that spikes her self hate, and i just disagree with that. ive used the word purposefully in this post a bajillion times bc i think to a large extent sayaka is very cognizant of the actions shes taking. she knows being w madoka and asking for help would be better in the long run, but she purposefully doesnt do it. its self punishment, its self harm, its self sabotage so she gets even worse. its penance, and her wrongdoing is existing in the first place.

she actively and purposefully destroys her relationships, and refuses help. its an active choice, and she knows she will feel worse bc of it, but bc she hates herself and thinks herself undeserving, she carries out all these choices and actions. i think when people dont think deeply on this, they feel like sayaka is acting stupid bc "why doesnt she just do X, shes acting so stupidly" etc. but in sayakas mindset everything shes doing is crystal clear. there is no way other than to make herself suffer more and more.

its bc its framed as a willful, purposeful descent into suicidal depression that i see sayakas depression as one of the most meaningful arcs to me. i think when you are mentally ill and severely depressed, all her actions make intuitive sense. she starts out not liking herself, and everything onward is just her fueling her own self hate. thats how depression functions. it feels irrational on the outside and completely rational and sensical to the person carrying out these actions. her mindset is severely warped ofc - im not even gonna get into how her blackwhite thinking abt justice and fairness factors into this - but it makes sense to her. she doesnt see this as "i am depressed and i hate myself and i am getting more and more suicidal", but more so as "oh. im a worthless shell of a person who has never deserved anything! i cannot let myself strive for happiness in life". sayaka is not bumbling into this as a hapless victim, shes charging into suicide bc she cannot see a way out, and she cannot let herself see a way out. shes wallowing, shes punishing herself, shes sabotaging herself to the point where she wants to die more than she wants to live, and where she curses the world as a witch more than she wishes for something as a magical girl.

so much of madoka is abt agency to me, and that includes sayaka. im not saying depression is a choice, but self destruction IS - this is reflected in madokas own apotheosis/deification/enlightenment, whatever u call it. its again a question abt whether u would make a choice (or a wish) without knowing fully it entails. would you commit suicide if you knew things would get better? if you knew that you werent worthless, if you could believe it? i (maybe wishfully?) like to believe that sayaka gets to know this in rebellion - that there is a way for her to exist without constant pain and self hate, that living isnt something that is deserved but something that everyone should have, that she has people who care for her - and it makes her much less self destructive in turn.

[wiihtigo]

CASEY NATION RISE 7, 9, 17, 20, 23, 25

ask game

7. What’s one way your OC has changed since you first came up with them?

i used to think that she didnt care much about the art of actually acting and cinema and stuff and for her it was more about just being famous and it didnt matter how. i think that was partially because although i knew i wanted her to lust for fame and money the acting dream was kind of just randomly decided on. i thought i could easily swap it out with modelling or singing or something and it wouldnt make much difference. but the more time ive spent with casey, the more i see her as a true lover of movies and art....which i think leads in well to her endgame job being a script editor rather than an actor. her true talents lie behind the screen even if she herself doesnt see it...

9. Do you have a specific lyric or quote which you associate with your OC?

whats a girl to do - cristina

a post canon (after nell dies) caseys life anthem:)

17. What is the worst thing you have put your OC through story-wise?

well i was going to blame it entirely on you that nell dies and i had no say in that but i suppose i did come up with her emotional reaction to that myself, which causes me a lot of slow damage pain. SO I GUESS THAT..the fact she pushes michelle away after it happens is really depressing to me because thats literally her only friend left and only possible pillar of support, but she pushes her away because she hates everything and shes mad shes not nell and shes mad at her family and wants to explode. I think she'd be marginally less suicidal if she stayed friends with her.....

I guess also pulling from alternate realities the one where she dies is pretty fucked up. and very painful. and nell doesnt even make it to her to cradle her in her arms. SAD

20. Does your OC have a tendency to get jealous? If so, how does this manifest?

yyessss. at least when he and nell start getting lowkey. no. highkey #serious. early in their setup he wouldnt gaf if nell was married to a businesswoman in russia.but when they start ummmm [redacted] then hes like waittt. lol waittttttt lol wait. lol. WAITTT. gets a little annoyed when theyre at the doom patrol warehouse party and jayna from the wonder twins tries to get ladybugs number. THATS MY BODYGUARD..GET YOUR OWN. it manifests in that he'll get clingy to nell and mean and passive aggressive (or just aggressive) towards the person pissing him off. will be petty and spiteful (sees some poor scared nervous young lesbian trying to say hi to nell so he slides in and nuzzles up to her shoulder in public to let that sstupid kid know to go away)

idk why he does this. if you asked him if he liked nell he would say And what has she done to MAKE me like her

23. What emotion is the hardest for your OC to process? How about express?

lol GRIEF. little casey has never experienced a death before nell! not even a pet death. she has no idea how to process those feelings or cope with them in the slightest. she goes like catatonic immediately after the fact bcuz shes so completely shocked and wasnt prepared for it at all (lowkey thought ladybug was too awesomeand strong to ever get got. stupidd)

on the complete flip side, also .....l-l-l-l-l-l-l--l-l-l-l-l-l...LOVE. or at least feeling a smidge of serious romantic attraction to someone. in canon end she never gets to deal with that bcuz she only realizes it after nell died and then promptly buried everything related to nell deep inside a hole. but in nyc nell simply has an epic near death experience where hes hospitalized and thats when casey is like fuuuuuuuuuck that scared me. DO I LIKE HER? she acts a bit pathetic and tsundere abt it which is endearing to me personally. maybe scares nell a bit. its cute to me though <3

25. What is your favorite thing about your OC?

shes not a good person </3 shes selfish and mean and doesnt care about other people </3 bent on revenge and hating </3 genuinely not a good guy </3 i love everything negative about casey the most

i also think secretary characters are sexy.

[cosmicheartz]

Gonna ramble abt some mental world stuff regarding the campers in my future au

Phoebes world sorta works like Cassie’s Collection where it’s her archetypes instead of her self in the mental world ( currently the archetypes I have are therapist and musician/rockstar and maybe one representing her pyromania but idk if I want to just have that be a mental figure/enemy instead bc I feel like it makes more sense for it to be some sort of enemy representing her pyromania rather than an archetype ) not sure on the exact theming i have in mind but i think itd be a split between like a music/recording studio and a therapy office ( yknow the trope where two characters share a room but they have wildly different aesthetics so theres one half with character a's aesthetic and one with character b's aesthetic? yea thats the vibe im going for )

tbh idk if I can top the mental world @salempie and splaoon made for Elka but I have considered some sort of dating game show since on her campster she mentions wanting to go on a game show circuit. It’d be like one of those dating game shows ala the Dating show where theres three contestants ( 2 being mental figure representations of Nils and JT and the other being one of the girls who enter her brain ( probably Franke ) and theres like a becky like mental figure thats a representation of her comphet and is the boss fight

JT's mental world is wild west/cowboy themed ( obviously ) and i like to think he has mental figures based on the campers/people he knows but theyre wild westified if that makes sense. some examples being: Benny/Bobby being bandits/outlaws, Kitty being a Saloon girl, Quentin or Phoebe being the Piano Player etc. im not 100% sure abt JTs role though bc i flip flop between sheriff or cowboy. basically its just a wild west parody. i dont think theres like a definite boss but Raz does get to beat up the bobby and benny bandits so thats smth ig

Bennys mental world is legit just a big ol broadway musical. i dont rlly have more to say abt it outside of that tbh.

I've talked abt Crystals mental world before but i wanna talk abt it again bc i can Its a gymnasium/dance studio hybrid thing and its very 80s workout themed. Similar to Millas dance party there's a compartmentalized area that harbors Crystals depression and former suicidal tendacies/ideation. its also where her mental Clem resides ( who doesn't look like actual Clem due to Crystal and Clem barely keeping in contact after the fallout so she kinda just had to wing it as she aged so its like what SHE would imagine an older Clem if that makes sense ) who would be the boss

[william-solace-aaaaa]

@superherokisser sorry if it's not good, it's in it's early stages😅 I haven't even properly re-read it yet to make sure it makes sense bc I'm tired and it's pretty much 12am rn, the chapter is called "cursed birthdays" but I also might change that:) also srry if it's too short I'm just rlly sleep deprived and I'm abt to pass out🥲❤️ gotta copy n paste it into tumblr now. It's 1396 words.

@nico-di-angelo-aaaaa

@camstargone

Here:

A Cursed Birthday

I woke up this morning thinking all was well, and it was just another ordinary day, for me, anyway. But no. I don't even get one birthday of peace. It's always something every year. I mean, last year,  a bunch of rats ate the cake. The year before that, my hamster, Charles,  the magnificent, committed suicide.  And this year, I get sucked into a magical portal. Yay.

It was normal. Nothing happened the entire day, and I was sceptic, to be honest. But no. The one thing that couldn't have happened (due to its... well. Impossibleness) just had to happen. Thanks a lot, God. I swear I'm cursed or something.

It was around 8 pm by the time I finally let my guard down about my evil-birthday curse. I was walking my amazing dog, Ruby. She is this adorable black and white pitbull that puts any and all other dogs to shame. So naturally, I was showing her off... at 8pm, in winter. In my defence, I'm definitely not the smartest person I know. I mean, what lunatic would be out at 8 pm in winter, in the UK? Besides me, of course.

I was walking through the nearby park, like I usually do. But this time, something had caught my eye. The park was empty except for me and Ruby, but there was an object emitting some sort of blinding light. The kind that if you were to look at it for more than a few seconds, then when you would finally look away, you would have little dots dancing around your vision. When I picked it up, which I kind of see was a bad idea, it was like holding fire. I dropped the glowing thing, and Ruby started to bark at it, the burning feeling still prickling my hand. Then, right where the object had dropped, some sort of vortex had started to open, sucking me in. The last thing I remembered after that was falling.

Thankfully, the forest that I fell into had some pretty tall trees that cushioned my fall (not really). I angelicaly landed (crashed) onto the ground.'Ow! Damn it, who put trees here?' I yelled because it really really hurt. My body made this cracking sound, and my leg had bent in a super unnatural way. There was bone and a lot of blood. A lot. I blacked out (I don't know why, though)

When I woke up, I was on a bed in a sort of cabin-like room. There were 2 green sofas against the walls facing each other, with a little coffee table in the middle and a kitchen, in which I was in the middle of on a table, not a bed, which was probably why my back hurt like hell. There were two people in the kitchen, one baking some sort of bread and the other washing some dishes.

'Ow.' I winced as I tried sitting up. Pain shooted to my leg. 'Oh! You're awake.' Both people had turned around and were now looking at me. 'Your leg was pretty badly hurt. How did you manage to do that?' The girl said, looking at me with disapproval. She had long, blonde hair that looked so straight she wouldn't have to brush it for days, and it would still have zero knots in. Her green eyes seemed to dance like a flame. She wore a lovely white dress dotted with purple flowers and all sorts of jewellery. 'What?' I questioned, still not entirely sure of what was happening.

'I found you out in the forest. You were unconscious and badly hurt, so I took you and brought you here. We had to do something about your leg, though. Sorry.' She said, which confused me until I looked down.

'AHH!' I screamed. 'Calm down, it's not that big of a deal.' The man, a strong, muscular dude with dark skin adorned with freckles that looked to be in about his forties. 'Not that big of a deal!? My leg is gone!' I yelled. 'Where did it go? I had my leg this morning.' 'Now you dont.' He replied with a proud looking smile.

'Now I- where is my leg!' I demanded. I mean, who just takes people's legs off without asking? 'I told you we should have asked, dad.' The girl said to the man. 'Exactly! Thank you!' I said. 'You guys can't just take my leg!' I yelled, directing the words at the man. 'I'm Jericho, I prefer Eric though, since you didn't even ask before you chopped my leg off!' I said (cool name, I know). 'I'm Ariel, this is my dad, Sebastian.' She said. 'Well, Ariel, lovely to meet you.' I said, shaking her hand.

'I can make you a new leg, Jericho. No need to be a baby, now, is there?' He said with a grin on his face. Rude. Before I could say an awesome comeback, he started measuring my right leg (which was still there). After a while, he walked away to go make my new leg, letting me talk with Ariel. You could tell she was one of those really pretty girls who didn't try to be pretty.

'Soo... where is this because the last thing I remember is falling out of the sky.' I said, looking at her expectingly. 'This is Emaia. Also, what did you mean "falling out of the sky?"' She questioned, looking confused and tilting her head to the side. 'Well, I was just walking my dog, Ruby, and I kinda just fell, and there was this glow-y thing and- My dog! Ruby!' I yelled, standing up from my position on the sofa, forgetting about my leg and immediately falling to the floor. 'Ow.'

I'd forgotten all about Ruby! Did she fall through with me? Is she safe? A million things were going through my head, and I didn't even notice I was hyperventilating until Ariel's dad, Sebastian, had started to shake me lightly. I had managed to tuck myself into a weird looking ball against the couch because my left leg was, well, not there. After a long, long time of uneven breathing and being told everything would be okay, I finally was able to slow my breathing. 'Sorry.' I said. I mean, I just wasted these nice (ish) people's time. 'It's alright, love,' He said in the same soothing voice he had been using for the past 10ish minutes.'Ariel had been trying to calm you down for a while by the time I came back in here because I found you a leg that would match.

He went and got me the leg, and after him showing me take it on and off, he let me look in a mirror. Well... I looked like I had just fallen out of the sky. My dark hair was more matted than usual with a few leaves sticking out, a few cuts that would easily heal on my head from falling through branches, my new leg which was made out of a amazing-looking black metal and my clothes were covered in blood. While I was checking myself out, Ariel had explained what had happened before Seb had gotten there.

'Yeah, we are probably gonna have to find you some new clothes.' He said, patting me on the shoulder. "For now, you'll just have to borrow some of mine.' He said, Ariel going upstairs and grabbing me a pair of clothes that were 1000% too big. Man, he is bulky. The outfit looked like it came directly out of the 1900s, but still, I looked at amazing as always.

The prosthetic was really weird getting used to, but after three days, I was good enough not to trip every five seconds. I didn't want to wait any longer because I didn't want Ruby to be out there any longer. In my time staying, it wasn't that hard to figure out that I was nowhere near home. These guys didn't even know what Sonic the Hedgehog was!

Me and Ariel left to go look in the forest around where she found me, and Seb had to stay because he runs a bakery! (Who would've thought.) We left at 7, after having the best food I have ever eaten, except for the cake at my aunt Jessie's funeral. That was some good cake.

[lunarsniperwifle]

Gonna gush a bit about Im In Love With The Villainess, dont read more if you havent read all the light novels!!

Okay so Idk if its cause I somehow missed it when briefly looking into the series, or fans are all very nice abt not spoiling things right now with the anime airing (which yall are saints!). But I feel I never see ppl talk abt the fact this story seriously talks abt and presents trans people on, what I felt as a trans woman, really nice and realistic ways. Like, we got an AFAB trans woman in Yu. Im sure many ppl cringe at the "Im an AFAB trans fem" posts that have floated around at times but. Yu is an AFAB trans woman and i love her for that. Rae's old world friend its a shame he died by suicide, especially as from what I recall he's the only trans man/masc character in the whole series. It is heartwarming Rae is such a huge and staunch ally because of that friendship (and subsequently will not stand to allow someone to live unhappily in the closet when she discovers it like with Yu and Joel).

Joel as well, I was happy we got a new trans character later and it was a trans woman (makes sense given its a series about queer women/girls and such), i think my only gripe is she still goes by Joel? Which both the characters do, so maybe for them and this society in general deadnames arent as /bad/ but that was something i didnt really like with hers since Joel is very masculine sounding to me. But also, if she likes it still, keep it! Just a writing decision thing i was bleh on.

I was really happy with how openly queer the novels were with sexuality but when it was explicitly talking abt dysphoria and trans people i was like. Holy shit. I guess my standards and expectations are so low i just expected if we /did/ show up we'd be a joke but we weren't. It was so nice. Yu and Joel both got punishments essentially (confined to a convent for a bit of time and deported back home), but theyre happy!! Also the crosswire curse being shown in both good and bad lights was so. Interesting. Like it caused Yu to be dysphoric for being forced into being a boy, and then for Joel gave her the body she always wanted. Like magic HRT is so cool (iirc Rae mentions it internally being cool this universe has that as an option).

Its just really special to me, especially with Yu and Misha being together and in love. Thats all lol. My yuri isekai that ended up not really being an isekai had good trans women in it what a bonus