#havent i given enough as is
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born to say "stfu thats not my problem please get professional help" forced to say "I'm so sorry that's happening to you. I'm here for you if you need anything <:)"
#vent kinda#again sorry#but GOD#havent i given enough as is#i am NOT YOUR THERAPIST!!! GET HELP!!#im dealing with my own shit rn as is dude#im literally freaking out bc everyones pressuring me to get my life together and go to college and shit im not old enough for this bro#PLEAASE i have baby brain..dont make me think about student loans and tuition im just a boy!!!#im just a boy#please#“oh these are your golden years! It's ok to be stupid and make mistakes sometimes!! You dont have to have everything figured out”#but when i dont everyone FLIPS OUT#im so done#i need a minute to be weird and stupid and make bad decisions without repercussions PLEASE#i just need to have one moment where nothing matters.#someone take me to a rage room or smth i need to beat the shit out of something
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muse :3
✹prints shop!✹
#mine#original#i love doing energetic felt tip drawings. truly what life is about#anywyaay. tummy hurt#also ive had such bad brain fog these past 4 days and been like :( why is it so bad again :(#anyway i actually remembered 2 take my hayfever meds 2day n immediately felt better n was like. ah.#song of the day is gilded lily by cults...HAVENT I GIVEN ENOUGH! GIVEN ENOUGH!#truly a fitz chivalry song.....hes never had a good day in his life#im on th third book i am slwoly making my way thro it good loird
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I met the me who made different choices
#idk what this means so dont ask#got the words stuck in my head and this is what I wanted to draw for it immediately#me at my desk. so.#I dont look exactly like this obviously. doesnt matter. anyways#hard time recently in a lot of different ways#lots of work to do!#given up on getting everything done I kind of failed at that. it was too much#so now I'm just trying to get anything done that will make the next 6 months not kill me again#ideally. 3 episodes. or the book#or like at least close enough to that that its basically that#I'm feeling really screwed LOL#I dont know how I've been working every day for so long and still havent done enough...#(its because the work load is way too much)#every time I take 1 hour for myself. to cook. or clean. or draw something else. or play a game. I feel so guilty auauau#I hate webtoon I hate this damn green app...#DOESNT MATTER!!!#what DOES matter is my art is good as hell... look at this shit...#the light. the colors. I love you red I love you green#I need to get more red pants I only have the one pair.#I saw this guy with red pants that had skeleton legs on them and I was like FUUUUUUUUUUUUUUUUUUUUCK!!!!!!!!! I need them!!!!#I need to start sewing again. I dont have a sewing machine cause my apartment is too small so I havent sewn in years but I really want to..#I want to make clothes again... I need some vests I need some dresses..#I will not make pants or sleeved shirts because I dont hate myself#sketch#art#vent art I guess LMFAO its not#its just this fun little thing we like to call self expression#also this isnt how my desk setup actually is I scooted things around cause I didnt wanna draw anything twice. fuck it we ball#ok back to work
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havent decided how i want the introduction to go yet but i imagine it would roughly be one of these two
#null havoc damage#cult of the lamb#i just havent decided what baal and ayms relation to narinder is. i like both main ideas for them#like its very fun and sweet to imagine that he sees them as his sons. but it makes more sense to me that he was more distant#i just dont see narinder as a father. i think he would take care of them but i dont think he would be affectionate at all#like genuinely. 'guardian' is the best term you could give him. they are his apprentices#he taught them magic and combat and they probably guided souls in his stead. but they arent family. to me#i think its possible in this au that once they all got free THEN they started bonding more#like baal and aym would have spent a long time with their mother but given their immortality from having some of the crowns powers#they would eventually return out of a sense of duty that they were raised with. which would lead to more genuine interaction#i think narinder could have a habit of taking in strays but i dont think he would be their dad. just someone to feed and protect them#until theyre old enough to leave. yknow#but i LIKE the idea of him being nice. because i am a sap. i think its sweet when people draw them getting along
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can i req some arlecchino kink headcanons? no pressure to answer! there's just a lack of new knave content lately ahhh.. ( ̄ヘ ̄)
{☆} characters arlecchino {☆} notes drabble, hc's, gender neutral reader {☆} warnings 18+ content
{☆} dacryphilia
arlecchino is a sucker for crying. doesn't matter if you cry easily or not– either she sees it as a challenge to make you cry in the first place or to see how much you can cry before you have to tap out. her absolute favorite way to make you cry is straight up overstimulating (or understimulating you, depending on her mood) until you're practically sobbing. if you cry prettily enough maybe she'll take pity on you.
{☆} temp play
arlecchino has a pyro vision and she is absolutely going to use it. especially prominent if you're both in snezhnaya– it provides prime opportunities for her to slip her hands under your clothes when you least expect it just to see you squirm beneath her hands. she'd never actually do anything too scandalous in public, but if you're a bit more hidden away she'll have no qualms playing with your chest. if you complain about the cold you're just giving her an excuse to "warm you up" and see you tremble like a lamb.
{☆} face sitting
nothing prettier to her then seeing you above her with her face between your legs. her tongue is just as warm as any other part of her, and she knows how to use it, too. she'll hook her arms around your thighs just to hold you down until you've doubled over from the intensity of it– if you start crying, oh, she just gets worse. absolutely ravenous. she won't stop even if her jaw starts to ache. if you don't want her to stop, she could go for hours without a break.
#genshin impact smut#genshin smut#arlecchino x reader#arlecchino smut#writing tag#genshin impact x reader#genshin x reader#minors dni#asks#anon#i would pref if men didnt interact w this but im not gonna go out of my way 2 do a background check lol#considered for the briefest moment on adding breeding kink to this but i had to physically restrain myself i add it to EVERYTHING#arle breeding kink but w/o the actual breeding she has enough little bastards 2 deal w u get me#its abt the Idea. the Concept.#if u thought id stop adding 300 random tags yapping ahahaha no.#also considered overstim but thats a given. BORING.#also me?? actually using this blog???? yeah lol#if my mutuals see this look away im having a moment#i havent slept at all its like 4 am if theres a typo or smth i forgor look away
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yeah make the disabled girl do unpaid manual labour for you outside in the cold when shes been awake for 20 hours whats the worst that could happen haha
#i dont talk about my living situation much because why would i#but out of guilt for existing in a place without paying money im forced to accept whatever is asked of me#for someone whos supposed to love me unconditionally that fucker sure does force me to act against my best interests#just at a fucking whim because “the garden doesnt look nice like this”#bitch knows i had to quit my job due to physical burnout and the fact that i havent recovered in the last 8 months is very concerning#AND YET that doesnt stop anything. im still assumed to be physically capable of fucking digging dirt to fill a hole#at ten in the fucking morning#3 degrees (about 38 fahrenheit) outside the ground was fkn solid#like i bought a fucking cane because i struggle with mobility#and you already know ive probably done myself in pretty bad because i feel too fucking guilty living here 'without paying rent'#i cover my own food bills and always end up giving money im trying to save because bills need paying#my self worth is through the fucking floor as it is#im just so so scared of being a burden to those around me that i actively harm myself bending over backwards for people who wont love me#god some of you followed me for my hornyposting im so sorry u have to read this shit#for those of u that care about me im literally crying rn even just thinking abt the knowledge that there r people out there who care#especially yall who care enough to support me#i promise your money isnt being handed out needlessly to my pseudo-abusive parent. i am trying my best to save the money im given#at least that which isnt spent on feeding myself#thank you all for supporting me#and sorry for being such a fucking trainwreck im just so overwhelmed and hurting and ugh#:(
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MYUNG JAEHYUN 'Dangerous' @ Performance37
#boynextdoor#myung jaehyun#sophiegifs#Dont rb pleek i just want him on my blog this just coloring experiment that tooj way too long#And i want to stare at them#Thats y no serious tags LOL#Anyways i think he knows that his girls r crazy in the head and likes to do things that will make them act worse#Like im going to be murdered this comeback i think and i thought last era was bad for my mental health with all the shit he kept pulling#But What Now#Y i have to like men who too fine like i think it should be illegal to look like this#This hair ... let me not#Oh i havent publicly given my thoughts on this song well i love it so much its just obnoxious and loud enough to keep me entertained
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best part about deciding the lemuria music is diegetic is getting to imagine the old one going absolutely crazy on the brass for the heap soundtrack
#w101#w101 fandom#wizard101#wizard101 fandom#sal art#lemuria#the old one#fun fact looking up references for this was what led me to discover that the old one is wearing converse#thought he had dress shoes or something but no they are 100% black chucks. lost my mind abt it#i think the old one is just dramatic enough to have given the comic book ass world he made its own ost#obvs based on that one meme btw. if you havent seen it god help you
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I tried telling someone about this yesterday and they felt it was very bleak, but it doesn't feel that way to me:
I really like what final fantasy 7 has to say about failure! I read it as showing how much defining something as just a failure and assigning blame exclusively to the fail-er depends on removing it from the stream of causation and isolating it from context...
For instance:
1. Zack's failure to get him and Cloud to safety after escaping the Nibelheim lab. This is an easy one, because who looks at what he did and calls it a failure? It's obviously incredible that he made it that far AND was able to protect Cloud enough. But his goal was for both of them to make it, and he couldn't do it. I don't think he felt like he failed overall (thank goodness), but another person might have. Which, in context, and looking at the effects of the attempt, is ridiculous.
2. Cloud's failure to keep an independent sense of self after Zack died (after being tortured for years, after being impaled, after losing his mother, Tifa, and his hometown, all in succession). Maybe the not-that-rare attitude of blaming him for this is a fault of the OG script, which I think makes it sound like more of a reasoned choice than it is, whether through translation error or through Cloud being the only one to really talk about it after he realizes that's what happened (and blaming himself for it). Regardless, it is a failure, in the sense that Cloud definitely wouldn't want to forget Zack, never mind construct a false self from pieces of his memory, but he did. Looking at all the causes of this, and the effects (including both vulnerability to external control but also the ability to be present with Tifa when they met again, and to continue to function as the situation demanded), it just starts to feel too simplistic to view it as a failure only.
The story is full of people trying to protect each other and themselves and not being able to, or not being able to in the way or to the extent they wanted, like failing to:
- Keep the sector 7 plate from falling
- Keep the Black Materia from Sephiroth
- Save Dyne
- Save Aerith
- Save Zack
- Stop Sephiroth from calling Meteor
But if you look at each of those things in context, they both have many causes besides "I wasn't enough" and more effects than just "the loss I couldn't prevent." And in most if not all cases, making the attempt achieved other good things, like saving Marlene or giving Zack the chance to see that it wasn't all for nothing... Things that really matter a lot. Ultimately, saving the rest of the planet besides Midgar is another one of these... a good thing grown in the rubble of failure.
I just feel like, as someone well acquainted with failure, this game is saying it's worth trying and continuing to try after you fail, and that's not bleak to me at all.
#i guess if you dont feel like failure is a given it might seem kind of bleak lol#but its not for people who havent faced big disappointments (in themselves) i think#or at least this facet of it isn't#and i would disallow those people from having opinions about Cloud if I could#well or at least from sharing them where i can hear them lol#ff7#cloud strife#ffvii#final fantasy 7#ive been chewing on this idea for a month and im not sure it's new ideas to anyone at this point#but im satisfied#all of this is why Cid going to space felt like such a big deal to me!!#i feel like theres no way to include that in the remake now which is a little sad#but im not mad about it. the OG is enough 🚀❤️#cid going to space... cloud re-committing to saving the planet after waking up.... there's a few moments of triumph like that and they HIT
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This is going to sound like the world's most brain-rotted thought but passerine by the oh hellos is martlet coded and canary in a coal mine by the crane wives is clover coded
#I KNOW I SOUND LIKE IM LOSING IT BUT HEAR ME OUT#i do not have nearly enough experience to fully unpack the christian context behind passerine BUT#i know for a fact that its about losing your faith in something after seeing the harm done in its name#specifically that one line My palms and fingers still reek of gasoline/From throwing fuel to the fire of that greco-roman dream#look. idk. something something martlet losing faith in the justice from the royal guards#and the guilt after basically marching clover to their own death#all the hopes of the underground lie on the shoulders of a bunch of human children and its the job of the royal guard to fucking kill them#AND CANARY IN A COAL MINE + CLOVER IS SOOOOOOOOO#THE QUESTION OF WHETHER YOUR WORTH SHOULD BE MEASURED WITH THE THINGS YOUVE GIVEN WAY INSTEAD OF WHAT YOU HAVE AND ARE#WOULD CLOVER BE AS IMPORTANT IF IT WERENT FOR THEIR SOUL??? WOULD THEY FORGIVE THEMSELF IF THEY CHOSE TO KEEP THEIR SOUL?????#WOULD A CANARY STILL BE LOVED AFTER IT STOPPED SINGING?????????#also because the When You Break The Surface Without Me line hurts like a bitch#god i havent been so unwell about characters since double life came out this is insane#fuck it yknow what im maintagging this#undertale yellow#clover undertale yellow#martlet undertale yellow#fweeet#if i have to deal with these thoughts in my head so do all of you
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I could write actual books about how Given Enough by Nessa Barrett rips my soul open and also puts it back together in one singular song
#nessa barrett#aftercare#pretty poison#havent i given enough to you#no you NEVER SAVED ME LIFE#YOU KILLED ME A THOUSAND TIMES
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"I'm the dog they put with cheetahs to keep them from going crazy in captivity" x "I'm the cheetah that is threatening to go crazy" 4 ever
(I make a webcomic about them)
#GODDDDDDDDDDD I love them#theyre so.....#I just.#good. theyre good#I need the comic to come back NOW...#no I dont. I havent finished enough yet#I've finished 7 episodes so I gotta make 3 more minimum but 8 more ideally. which is. a big gap..#anyways I got up early to draw this cause I couldnt sleep#and someone shared it in a server I'm in and I was like. oh I have to#but now I'm super tired and I can sleep#so good night. enjoy my beautuful art of my beautiful vampires#'good ngiht' it is 10 30 am.#sleep. she betrays me yet again.#anyways working on coming back working on kickstarter stuff working on book 4#working on commissions working on my patreon...#work work work work#trying to be forgiving of myself LOL working like 50-70 hours a week and still feeling like its not enough#imagine if I WASNT on meds rn. I'm focusing better and there's still just way too much sheesh#super need some support but also I'm chillin#I was assigned an editor and she has not given me a single note#so I'm like uhhh. rlly feeling aimless and lonely#I'm doing very good work its some of my best stuff#but...#yeah. idk. just a lot HAHAHA#but I got like 45 mins to do a quick drawing#for my mental health...#time and time again#adam and steve#ttawebcomic#adam
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I would love to hear your thoughts, if you have any, on trans het Sebastian :D
i am so so sorry anon.......... not only is he hetero but he is also cisgender to me...........
#mango man boyfailure mode#doesn't even have any queer headcanons for his current blorbo#i have thought about gay and trans sebby but i havent liked it half as much as cishet seb#he is perhaps intersex as well but i havent given it enough thought to make it stick all the way. amab & still cis#sebastian solace#pressure#if anyone has transhet thoughts on sebby please post them for anon#i have let you down......
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HAVEN’T I GIVEN ENOUGH ?
a little edgy cry session from kurrin who is probably one of my most fucked up oc’s in star wars besides fracture and kongo. i’ll talk about kurrin’s full backstory in her own post, along with fracture and kongo respectively.
#star wars#the bad batch#star wars tcw#tcw#star wars fanart#the clone wars#clone wars#star wars the clone wars#star wars the bad batch#star wars oc#star wars oc art#oc artwork#oc art#oc: kurrin#gilded lily#haven’t i given enough?#havent i given enough#Spotify
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I have no money and I must scream
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Lineup of all of the characters that appear long enough to need a visual representation of them in the game lol
#I added a few people that you can randomly run into around town (like at the inn or in the forest or etc) and have very short conversations#with just to kind of flesh out the world a little more in a more natural-ish seeming way. Like nobody in the main cast would really#have much reason to talk about the actual city you're in or anything. Since most of them havent lived there that long anyway.#But if there's a ''city inspector'' that you can run into whilst he's writing up notes examining the local inn. then maybe there could be a#few dialogue options with him where you can ask about things like that. since he would know more about the area as an offical Government#Worker or etc. Optional of course. since I have to be so wary of my natural inclination to lore dump lol and am trying extra hard to make i#all stuff thats easily avoided/skipped. But for the people like ME who deliberately choose to exhaust every possible optional dialogue#option and explore every single inch of the world and try to collect as much information as possible - then there are a few extra places to#do that. Though obviously not all of them just give exposition for like 15 paragraphs blandly. Some you don't really learn anything from#and it's kind of just.. random flavor to make the non-shop map locations more ''lived in'' feeling. Like the random#little girl you can talk to in the park doesn't bizarrely start reading out the wikipedia description of some War that happened 10 years ag#or whatever. she's just complains about school a little and asks if you've tried the nearby ice cream cart treats and etc lol#ANYWAY..#some of the art is so so evil but I'm not going to spend 800 years trying to clean it up and update it. whatever the hell mess I sketched#out in 2018 or whatever is just what I'm keeping lol... it is what it is#One of the many trials of the whole 'briefly work a few months on something and then abandon it almost entirely only to pick up work#on it literally like 4 - 5 yrs later and now you must contend with trying to decipher whatever weird shit you did years ago' experience lol#Also given the population breakdowns of the world in general I think there's an unrealistic amount of jhevona in this lineup since#they're a much rarer species to just see out and about anywhere but.. it IS a global trading center type area. and the game#takes place in the north (the country of Asen. near the coast. for the maybe 2 or less people who actually keep up with my worldbuilding#enough to know where that is lol (the same continent as Navyete (where the avirre'thel live)) and there's a decent concentration#of nothern jhevona only a short ways away so... tee hee..I shall pretend it makes sense and not merely me just wanting#to represent more of that species because I think their lore is interesting lol#I MEAN also realistically there would NOT be a human here because humans are extremely isolated species that don't even know the rest#of the world exists really and human territories are extremely protected from the outside world but... of course it's like.. well we need#at least One of them to be there for the Optional Lore. Same with the Ythrili. But at least those are like.. PLAUSIBLE.. not nonsensically#outlandish. If I had a Verrucalt or something in there THEN that would be truly lore-breaking almost lol#ANYWAY.. rambling that only means anything to me because nobody else knows what I'm even referencing but hbjh#also I think my character designs are so funny in the sense that I really do just love to do the same thing over and over again ghbjh#wow... random asymmetry and belts and arm straps and high collars where the neck is completely covered?? you dont say..how novel
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