#haven't used that since the days when i was doing kpop covers

[cel-aerion]

I done did a thing.

Kinda quick and dirty, no backing track because I changed the key and also wasn't confident listening to a track without vocals, so I just recorded while listening with an earbud in.

Also took liberties with the second "shout it around town" because I would NOT have done that justice.

[struggle-but-its-all-ocean-floor]

Do you think something snapped in the dynamic between army and taehyung? It's kinda crazy to me seeing so many people openly admit that they don't want him there~ some of the people I follow on social media are very close to coming out as jikook ot2 but I have also seen actual ot7 armys say that even though they'd like to see content from different subunits within bts they don't feel like V was a necessary addition to the show. Many jikookers who used to swear they loved all members and they were nothing like taekookers were openly shading V on main and, even though from most of them I don't see the absolute malice and disgust taekookers have to talk about jimin, it is now pretty obvious that they can't stand V at all. I'm not actually mad about this, I think it would be healthy for army to move into a mindset where it's acceptable not to like everything they do or not loving all members. I mean, I've always been a fan of bands where I love some members and I don't know or actually don't give a fuck about others lmao so getting into kpop and seeing that not loving every member of a group as if they were your children was treated as a crime against humanity was kind of insane to me, but yeah, seeing this sudden change has been interesting

I think V has become one of the most divisive members. His solo music wasn't very impactful, either in terms of popularity or artistry, and most of the content he released was variety with non-members and photoshoots, which isn't necessarily the content fans want. On top of that, there's the whole Jennie thing, him working with MHJ, and even people judging him for some of his Wooga squad friends. I think the other members' solo ventures resonated more with Army, so he probably isn't as talked about anymore.

And of course Taekookers hating Jimin would create resentment among Jikookers, staining their opinion on V. Since Jungkook and V hung out so much in chapter 2 while Jikook's bond was constantly questioned, a lot of Jikookers are angry at V, even though it's not his fault. However, V dropping a pic with JK when Muse came out and AYS got announced, without acknowledging Muse at all, made a lot of Jikookers pretty mad, as they interpreted V's post as an attack against Jimin and Jikook. And that's not even the first time Jikookers accused V of not supporting Jimin or fueling Taekookers. If it weren't for Taekookers, Jikookers wouldn't even be upset about any of this... This is what happens in fandoms...

But I haven't seen the same treatment towards V from non-Jikookers though, even if V, imo, doesn't have the same standing in the fandom as before. I think his path in chapter 2 diverged from what the other members chose to do, in terms of priorities, which kind of separated him from BTS and the fandom a bit. He's still well loved though.

And being OT7 to me has always meant appreciating the group as a whole and respecting each member and dynamic individually. I love BTS and each member as family, but I've never felt the same about all of them. Jungkook is the only member I have true devotion for. I love, defend, keep up with, and appreciate the others members, but without the same drive. I'm also a lot more interested in Jimin than the other 5 members, and while I love Jin as much as Jimin, the content he releases isn't for me, so I'm not looking that forward to it (just the album and performances + Run Jin to a lesser extent). This is all personal taste. Love and loving someone to the point of being able to stream their music all day are two different things. Love is a spectrum, and we don't love or need any two people the same.

The fandom is very OT7 because Armys know there are many solos, shippers, and people who hate one of the members. BTS are strong as seven, as a group, so Army can't let the fandom fracture. It would lead to worse results for BTS and make the fandom more toxic and unruly. Armys need to be organized, focused, and share the same goals. They also like to cover all bases and ensure BTS don't have any weak links. Moreover, OT7 is part of BTS's branding and something BTS themselves are very committed to, and Army always defend BTS's interests. Promoting OT7 is strategic in many ways. It's also a way for fans to recognize like minded fans. But no one is truly OT7 in the sense of treating and loving all seven members the same. That's practically impossible.

[aectpen]

STRAWBERRY ✯ 𝙕𝙃𝘼𝙉𝙂 𝙃𝘼𝙊!

m.list

synopsis: 𝐢𝐧 𝐰𝐡𝐢𝐜𝐡 𝐫𝐢𝐧𝐚 𝐰𝐚𝐬 𝐮𝐧𝐚𝐰𝐚𝐫𝐞 𝐡𝐞𝐫 𝐦𝐨𝐬𝐭 𝐥𝐨𝐲𝐚𝐥 𝐜𝐮𝐬𝐭𝐨𝐦𝐞𝐫 𝐰𝐚𝐬 𝐡𝐞𝐫 𝐧𝐞𝐰 𝐟𝐚𝐯𝐨𝐫𝐢𝐭𝐞 𝐢𝐝𝐨𝐥

pairing: Zhang Hao of ZB1 and fem!oc

status: ongoing

chapter 9: first

rina nervously got ready to go see hao at their usual spot at the park. it's their first time meeting each other since they've recognized their mutual feelings for each other.

the past two days, the only thing on her mind was him. he not only validated her crush on a kpop idol, he reciprocated her feelings. the mere thought of him sent a smile to her face. even when she was doing a mundane task like cleaning the bathroom.

hao found himself in a similar situation. regardless of the circumstances, rina was his foremost thought. he'd catch himself saying things like, "rina would love this." sending her cute panda videos became a habit, knowing she'd adore them. in his mind, he envisioned the adorable frown she would make when seeing something cute.

underneath the soft glow of park lampposts, hao waited, butterflies fluttering in his chest. the air was charged with the anticipation of seeing rina. as she drew near, the surroundings seemed to fade away, leaving only the two of them. feeling as though time itself slowed.

"hey," hao greeted, his voice was like a warm hug to rina's ears.

"hi," rina replied, her eyes reflecting the same excitement as his.

he walked her back to their usual spot where there was a lunch box sat on the table.

"what is this?" rina asked surprised to see a prepared meal.

he scratched the back of his neck and admitted, "i know we can't have normal people dates or outings. i thought i could make us some food, so we could have our own version of a dinner date."

rina was deeply moved by his thoughtful gesture and, in a spontaneous moment, she wrapped her arms around his waist in a tight hug. "thank you, thank you, thank you, thank you."

he put his hands up, "seriously, it was nothing. but let's eat i'm starving."

they savored their meal in silence, enjoyed the comforting warmth of each other's company with occasional comments.

"you didn't tell me you were a chef!" rina nearly cleaned the container.

"that's not even my best," he bragged.

she rolled her eyes, "okay, humble brag."

"now, i have a surprise for you," she reached into her bag and pulled out a small pink container, "ta-da." she revealed two perfectly baked cinnamon buns. she decided to bake cinnamon buns for them, not knowing he'd bring dinner.

"are we already reading each other's minds?"

"it's a hell's kitchen-the great british baking show crossover episode," she joked.

while they enjoyed the cinnamon buns, he gently held her hand in his. neither of them could stop the smiles that played on their lips.

"what's our ship name?" hao asked out of nowhere.

"i can't believe i haven't thought of that yet. haona? rinhao? nahao?" she mused.

he laughed at the suggestions, "yeah, we're gonna have to go back to the drawing board."

he reached over to her face and lightly brushed the corner of her lip. "there was some frosting."

rina could feel her heart on the verge of beating out of her chest. the close proximity was not good for her faint heart. she looked over at his side profile and thought to herself; how did i get this lucky?

he turned to face her, "you like what you see?"

"i mean, it's whatever i guess," she pretended to check out her nails.

he got close to her face, playfully covering her view of her nails. "now do you like what you see?"

she didn't understand what came over her. the closeness of his face made her lose her composure. without thinking, she impulsively pressed her lips to his, a quick peck that left her shocked and immediately regretful. she covered her mouth in disbelief as if it wasn't her that had done it.

hao pulled away quickly shocked at her boldness.

"oh my god, i don't know why i did that."

before she got the chance to stumble through an awkward apology, hao softly cupped her cheeks and closed the gap between them. the taste of cinnamon and sugar from the buns they'd shared moments ago still lingered on their breath, adding a layer of sweetness to their connection. their kiss, a blend of warmth and shared longing, felt like the perfect ending to the night. everything around them seemed to fade away as they savored this sweet moment.

once they pulled away, they laid back against the seat. sighing in contentment while gazing up at the stars.

"who would've thought zhang hao would be my first kiss?"

"i was your first?" he asked in disbelief, "it didn't seem like it." he smirked.

"you weren't too bad yourself," she smacked his arm.

haemin👭🏻

are you not at home?

rina sighed at the text, not wanting her night with hao to end.

"it's okay if you have to head home. but i have one more thing for you," he pulled two tickets out of his coat pocket. "we're gonna be performing at a kpop concert, so i got tickets for you and haemin if she wants to come along," he paused. "and yes aespa will be there."

rina wrapped her arm around him tightly, leaning her head on him. he knew how much she loved them and wanted to see them perform live.

they said their usual goodbyes with a new addition of hao giving her a kiss on her forehead.

rina rushed home, texting haemin that she was coming home.

"what took you so long?" haemin stood at the door.

"sorry, i forgot you were coming over tonight." rina fumbled with her keys.

once they settled down, rina remember the good news she had. "guess what i got?" she handed the ticket to haemin.

she inspected the ticket, but handed it back to rina. "i already have a ticket. it's closer to the stage."

"are you going with somebody?"

"yeah."

rina tried to shake off the strange feeling. every time haemin caught wind of a concert, she'd rush to rina with a screen shot of the announcement, demanding that she come along. she wondered why all of a sudden she got a new concert buddy and seemed disinterested.

"okay, i guess." rina took back the ticket.

riri🐼 welp apparently she's going with someone else

haohao🐼 and she didn't tell you?

riri🐼 i know right? she was all like "it's closer to the stage" like dpmo😭

haohao🐼 how close?

"haemin, how close are your seats?"

"8th row on the floor, why?"

"just was wondering."

riri🐼 she said 8th row

haohao🐼 i'll get you front row from my manager and bring it to you tomorrow that is so you could get the best view of my face of course🙏🏻

riri🐼 you're rlly the best person ever i'll be looking at jiwoong mind you

haohao🐼 trust that i'll block him from your view

riri🐼 i will find my way

haohao🐼 go to sleep you're getting delirious

riri🐼 don't be jealous you're the apple of my eye goodnight

haohao🐼 okay okay i guess goodnight rina

[ultdyknn]

hi all!! ヾ(＾∇＾) it's been a while

so many things have happened since i last posted, and a whole summer has gone by!

firstly, i have gotten back into creative writing again! i've always been into writing my own short stories and mini novels since forever, and now i've found the motivation to pursue this again.

for six years i've been working on a passion project of mine, which is a novel covering both period fiction and fantasy. it's even influenced a lot of my artwork, which has actually sparked my motivation to actually finish the novel. maybe i'll post some parts of the novel on here..? (ー_ーゞ ... stay tuned i guess?

last time i posted, i was looking forward to zb1's debut (10/7). let me just say.. i'm so so SOOO glad that they went with a fresh whimsy concept and not a hardcore and dark concept that has been plaguing boy groups since 4th gen started. i've been seeing more groups start to shift away from the hardcore concepts and i couldn't be happier.

also, my two zb1 albums came in last month and guess who's card i pulled?

not just one hao.. but TWO hoas??? i've never been this lucky before when it comes to pulling photocards ＜("0 ")＞

in addition to zb1, i've been catching up with groups that i've previously been fans of. nct dream also had a comeback in july 'ISTJ' and it's sooo good!! renjun has been killing it this comeback this is HIS era. let's go renjun you go renjun!!!

i didn't pull renjun this comeback but i've been collecting some of his photocards from this album and the previous album. i've been getting back into investing in photocards which i'm not too proud of, considering that it's a big investment depending on which idol's cards you want to collect.

unfortunately for me, all my favorite idols are really popular, meaning their cards cost a lot more.

i'm trying to be smart and not overdo it though!! i don't want to go broke again (◞‸◟）.....

in other non-kpop related news, i got a new laptop!! my old one gave up on me so i had to use my mother's personal laptop for the rest of the spring semester and for my summer classes. i'm not normally a picky person, especially in times like this where i take what i can. but... given how old it was... it was absolute hell trying to get things done with it.

i'm actually a pretty busy person, and a lot of my work requires me to have a good-working device with working internet. this spare laptop was barely getting me through that, and it became almost impossible to get anything done.

and finally!! i was able to save up enough money this summer to get a new laptop! and it was perfect timing since i go back to school very soon..

anyways.. school starts very soon for me. it's my last year and then hopefully i'll be done for good. i'm a little nervous because of senior thesis work, but i have a really supportive department (we're very small so we all know each other pretty well) so hopefully i'll be okay. hopefully, this year will go pretty smoothly and it'll be another good year.

again, i'm sorry that i haven't been on here a lot. hopefully i'll be able to stay on here enough that i can give monthly updates, but we'll see. until then, i hope this finds you in good spirits! love yas <33 !

to sign off, here's a funny cute pic of renjun that i've been cheesing over since two days ago

-Starr ☆

17.8.23

UPDATE!!

i totally forgot to mention that i watched barbie and oppenheimer a couple weeks ago and both are so so good!!! i was going in thinking i'd like only one of them, but actually loved both them near equally!

well... i actually think i liked barbie a little bit more. i think it has to do with being afab and being someone who has the female perspective and experience of a woman living in this world. i think that it's really sad that critics have labelled this as an "anti-man" and "preachy" movie when that wasn't the point at all. barbie actually talks about how the patriarchy is harming both women AND MEN! it talks about how even men are also victims of a social structure that they created.

i could talk about barbie forever, but i don't want to add too much to this post since it's already so long (~_~;)

maybe i'll talk about barbie and oppenheimer another time, since i have so many thoughts on both of them. overall, it was a good experience and recommend both movies to anyone who hasn't seen them yet. 10/10 for both to be honest...

anways.. signing off for real this time!

-Starr ☆

[beautifulpersonpeach]

BPP hi, I've wanted to send you a DM for some time, but every moment I chicken out. I'm new on Tumblr, just starting up my blog for jikook and want to ask you for advice. How do you deal with hate asks and comments? You cover controversial topics, talk straight and candid but in a level-headed way but at the same time you call out the b*llsh*t of both kpop stans and Armys and even Hybe. I just talk about jikook and I am getting people that already hate me and my blog. I imagine you must get more given all the topics you cover. How do you deal with it?

**

Lol I just delete them.

Actually, first I should say that if you're getting extremely abusive asks, escalate it to the reporting team on Tumblr. Use the report and block function and put in a formal complaint through the website. Some months ago I was getting hostile visitors to my blog that I dismissed as just trolls, after all, weird things happen online and especially on Tumblr every day - but turns out, they were more than just trolls. They were underemployed but fanatically motivated k-pop stans/commentators determined to physically hurt me in real life, because the facts I was pointing out were inconvenient for them, and my opinions critical of the k-pop industry and the sycophants trafficking in 'discourse' that excuses that bullshit, were difficult to counter with you know, words and reason. So physical harm in real life was apparently the only solution they had. I made a mistake by not taking them seriously till they tried actual physical harm. Thankfully, I was able to nip that in the bud by escalating to the privacy and reporting team at Tumblr, worked with some experts irl and now those people are permanently banned from using the platform under several IP addresses.

Of course, when I re-opened the blog, almost right away some people were upset that I was writing again, for whatever reason. But that's normal, lol, so I just ignore and delete those asks whenever they pop up. Lol. I don't know what to tell you Anon, but some people are just naturally... like that. They'd score above the average Dark Triad percentile. I know we typically make fun of toxic taekookers but many of those same behaviors we ridicule are found in various shades in k-pop spaces in general - the way this industry runs practically attracts those types. Like I'd go as far as saying the people playing the k-pop game best are taekookers and Tae solo stans. Hobi akgaes are really good at it too. I've said before, if you're a critical and contrarian person, k-pop is the perfect industry for you because you'll never run out of things to have a problem with.

Plus, half the time I have no idea what these people are going on about in my inbox anyway, so I just delete them. Before, during the pandemic, occasionally I'd post a few to tear down and laugh at since I had the time. But now airports are open and I'm back to working full time. I can hardly handle the 10s of asks I sometimes get daily, so it makes no sense to give those complaints any oxygen.

TL;DR

First, why are you chickening out? If you don't mind maybe not getting responses right away, please come say hi. :)

Sad to hear you're a new jikook blogger and already having to deal with BS. But also know it honestly just comes with the territory.

The way I deal with asks that are hostile or just read like they were written by an insane person, is to delete them.

There's also the option of turning off Anonymous asks completely. I know several bloggers sometimes take this route.

If it's especially weird, I report and block. I haven't had to do this in months but if it's extra weird, I report the ask directly to Tumblr's reporting team.

You should also note that the topics you write about can influence whether you get more or fewer weirdos. Shipping spaces are notoriously toxic, so if you'd like to continue writing on the topic, develop a tagging system that shields your content from taekookers, eg, abbreviate or add your blog name to the hashtag.

*

Good luck Anon. 💜

[girls-scenarios]

Girl Group Spotlight: IRRIS

(This post is also on Twitter!)

IRRIS is a four member girl group under JUSTICE RECORDS that debuted with their EP "Wanna Know" on July 6th. Three of the four members are former members of both Good Day and REDSQUARE, making this their third time debuting. All of the members are also adults, which is refreshing to see especially when so many groups are debuting with younger and younger idols. Their concept is mature and chic and really stands out in the industry.

Members:

I.L: I.L (Kim Jiwon) is the oldest member and leader, born in January of 1997. She was the first member of IRRIS to be revealed. You might recognize her from Good Day, REDSQUARE, and her time on The Unit. She was eliminated from The Unit on episode 7, unfortunately there isn't much focus on her though. Her previous stage names are Genie and Green. She's also an actress and has been in a handful of projects, including "I Can See Your MBTI" and "IDOL: The Coup." She's a bright person who likes coffee, and her role model is f(x)'s Krystal.

Liv: Liv (Kim Chaeyoung) is the second oldest member, born in July of 1997. She is the main dancer and rapper and was the last member of IRRIS to be revealed. You might recognize her from Good Day or REDSQUARE, her previous stage name was Cherry. She's a really good dancer and her specialty is dancing fast. She loves a lot of different colors and her role model is Lisa from BlackPink. She really wants to go on Running Man and take a drive with the other members, since she has a driver's license.

Yunseul: Yunseul (Hwang Nayoon) is the third oldest member, born in March of 1999. She is the main vocalist of the group and was the third member to be revealed. She is also a former member of Good Day and REDSQUARE and previously used her first name Nayoon as her stage name. Yunseul has also done some acting, you can see her in "I Can See Your MBTI." She's always loved singing and drama and was in choir when she was younger. She's a bright and bubbly person, and her nickname is Chick Ari. Her charming point is how positive she is. She loves animals and wants to start a shelter (?) for stray dogs. She does have a few cover videos, such as this cover of How Far I'll Go.

Nina: Nina (Nina Nadia Mateer) is the youngest member, born in March of 2003, and is the only member who wasn't part of Good Day or REDSQUARE. She is the lead dancer and a vocalist and was the second member to be revealed in the lineup. Nina was actually born in Australia, and she's said to be currently studying law there! She decided to become an idol after being scouted because she wants to experience lots of new things.

Songs:

IRRIS just made their debut with "Wanna Know," a uniquely bright song with powerful yet sweet vocals and a horn base. The sound is somewhat reminiscent of songs by Girls Day and feels very grown in a way we haven't seen in Kpop recently. There are two b-sides on the EP, "Bye Bye" and "Stay With Me." Alongside a lot of live stages, they also have a it's Live stage singing their song with a live band.

Since this group is very new, there isn't a ton of content for them yet. However, they did recently guest on Arirang Radio, where they sang their b-sides. They also did a short cover dance relay on genie's YouTube channel. You can also see them in a New Face video by TongTongCulture.

The best place to follow them is on their TikTok! IRRIS is super active on TikTok and they post dances, challenges, and other content. They aren't as active on other social media accounts, but they're also on Instagram, Twitter, and YouTube. It seems like their company is actually doing their best to promote them this time as this is more live stages than the members re-debuting have ever gotten to do, so I'm super hopeful for the future of this group! Go check them out and give the brave girls of IRRIS a listen!

[silverypurple-rosedlions]

Entry #357 - Him

Wen Junhui's Entry

━━━━━━☓━━━━━━

"Should we post this?..."

"Jun wanted this posted for his sake, no matter what... It's the least we can do for him,"

"Well, it was scheduled for today, and Jun stated he wanted it to be so... Alright. Have it posted."

━━━━━━☓━━━━━━

━━━━━━☓━━━━━━

I don't know why I'm writing this... Perhaps for closure on my mind? Most likely. But, perhaps, it's also to record thoughts and feelings that I might forget sometimes, needing a reminder later on. But, today was the day I received a gift. A proper goodbye, and a story that brought me to tears and to dream of things I'm not sure I'll ever get to have with him. But, it's nice to see that it could have been an option one day. To move in together, loving and cherishing each other... But, I guess I can only dream of it now since I'm not sure he'll come back. Or, if any of them will come back.

But, it happened when I was with Minghao and Jeonghan hyung. We were eating and talking together, just like usually. Minghao and I were talking in Chinese, while Jeonghan just smiled, now and then checking his phone to check on the members. Then, Jeonghan hyung looked at me with wide eyes, but then he smiled so bright at me. It astonished Minghao and I, both of us wanting to know what it was. Then he said: "Jun should have the benefit of seeing his gift someone has sent him,"

Of course, I smiled and laughed, wondering who would send me a gift. At first, I thought it was a specific, sweet and kind-hearted empress we had came close with, who checked in us whenever she could. Or maybe it was the kind and gentle koala, Felix, wanting to ensure I was fine. But when Jeonghan hyung handed me his phone and I saw what it was, and especially who it came from, I gave him back the phone, covered my hand over my mouth, then removed it, saying, "Are you playing a prank on me? Tell me right now." And, of course, Jeonghan hyung chuckled and shook his head, confirming that it was real. No hallucinations, none of the boys wouldn't dare to do a thing to me, and that it was from them despite him not reading it. So, I read it. And I read his last message to me.

You wouldn't believe the amount of tears I cried. Even thinking back has me shakily writing and crying. But it doesn't hurt like it used to. Not like when I used to cry every night, wondering what to do, how he was, and questioning countless things that made me so scared to get up. But after receiving it, being able to get his last message to me and receive the closure I desperately needed, I can finally accept it. I can accept that it wasn't me who drove him away, or, whatever bizzare thoughts had been created in this corrupted brain of mine.

However, it makes me reminisce about what we did together and what we had said. I remember, a memory that's becoming slightly foggy, when him and the boys came to assist us when the system had been breached. I remember how he came with everyone to help us, getting us all back together despite the gruesome fight that followed. But I remember how he soothed me, talking softly with him when my episode had occurred. I remember him hugging me, comforting me, and us laughing despite the situation when I had came up with the idea of us being awkwardly weird buddies. And after that, I wondered about him: What was he like? What was his story? His dreams? His likings and dislikes? What did he see in me? . . . What was that tight feeling in my chest whenever I thought about him?

Then, the more we talked, him and I, the tight pressure in my chest grew, but it wasn't unbearable. It wasn't uncomfortable. Almost, pleasant? My heart would race, and my cheeks would hurt because I would smile so much when he was around. But, I slowly tried to withdrawal back when he had grown attraction for someone else. I remember that. I was scared, and I didn't understand why it made me sad when I saw his post. The boys didn't notice me, and I don't blame them because I played it off and wished the best for him. I encouraged him, trying to cheer him up. Even though I didn't understand my own feelings, I knew that was in some sort of pain. But, I hoped, despite that pain, that his feelings would be reciprocated. But, in the end, later, I found out that he no longer had those feelings, and both were just friends.

But after that, I didn't look at him the same way. And, perhaps I never did after the incident at the base. However, I understood that I favored him from the others. Not like a mother who favored one child over the other, but, someone who adored him more, but still cared for the others equally. I recall the time I came into Jeonghan and Joshua hyungs' room, almost having a break down because I didn't understand. But, they comforted me and talked with me for hours until they made it clear: I liked Jeon Wonwoo. But I could never tell him that. Not that I didn't want to, but I wanted to get to know him more than I already did. Then, the rebrand happened. He was still the same person we knew, but, there was more to him now, and I didn't want to make things complicated because he had Hanahaki... A ghastly disease I've heard one too many times.

So, I waited for an opportunity when it was right and he had the time he needed, but, I couldn't. I remember how I'd sit there, staring at nothing as I questioned everything: Would he be okay to love a person who was psychotic, a mafia member whose killed dozens? Would he be frightened by me when my episodes started? What if I hurt him by accident? What if I was too late? He barely comes out, so maybe he doesn't or never will see me the same way as I do. And, most importantly, can I even provide him everything he'll ever need and want? Especially love? Will I be enough for him? I was slowly shattering myself with doubt, even when the others found out and encouraged me, but reminded me of other possibilities. And then I thought maybe I shouldn't try because her find someone better than me. Someone pure and healthy, both physically and mentally, sweet and kind. Someone who could offer more. Someone who wasn't me...

Then the entire thing happened. We talked about my crush situation, and I was running around screaming my head off as the boys came after me. But all I wanted to do was just fall somewhere when running, and just lay there, wondering what in the world I was doing. What was he thinking when he found out?... I remember that look on his face when they exposed me, just stern, looking at me and wanting to know who it was. I wasn't entirely sure why he'd suddenly drop his previous attitude. But, now and even after it, I knew why. But what followed afterward had terrified me. I wasn't told about it until I saw the post, but Wonwoo was having it. Hanahaki. And when I saw that it was black cosmos, I was stunned. I didn't know that much about Hanahaki, so, at first, I nearly started to despise the flowers because it was the very flower blossoming inside him. But I still wished him the best, and then... It happened. He confessed, catching me off guard. I remember bawling, the boys comforting me as I responded and told him I felt the same. And at that moment, I had never been more happier in my life when it was me he liked.

After that, we went on a date that was memorable, and I hope to never forget, not even a single detail of it. We had gone out to eat together, and it was the first time he saw my state. I was twitching, and because I was nervous, it increased it, making it hard for me to even eat and I nearly felt embarrassed, wondering if I was making it uncomfortable for him. Yet, he reassured me and helped me. Not once was he bothered by it. He was okay, and I was glad he was. It made me overjoyed that he was okay with me. From there, it was absolutely amazing for me. We went together, stole a cart and raced off to the playground nearby. And there, that became one of my favorite spots although it makes me anxious whenever I'm near a place that's meant for children, being that I'm not trusted to be around kids. But that day was not only labeled the greatest day of my life, and my first date, but also the day I had my first kiss with someone I loved above all things.

And it was the same day he gave me the moon bracelet, something I haven't taken off for ages since I got it... A beautiful white bracelet with a beautiful white stone, while he was the other, a beautiful dark blue that's nearly black. It's something I've treasured ever since, and something I will never lose despite me being clumsy time from time.

It's things like this that I look back towards, and sometimes, I wonder if I could have done more for him and me. But, I'm happy. I'm happy we at least got these opportunities with each other, and cherished each other for so long and even after he's left with the boys. Even though it hurt so much, so very much when he left without a word, I understood. It had to be done for their sake, especially their Admin, but I wish I could've done more. But, I can finally let it calm the storm inside me. I don't know if there will be a day he may return, but I do hope there is even though he told me not to hope too much. But if he ever does come back, all of them, I will never let go, and I promise that I'll do more, continuing my promise to love and cherish him forever. And even if he doesn't come back, I know he loves me dearly, as much as I love him. And that's enough for me. He's enough for me.

- Wen Junhui

💕// @ghoulxbaekhyun (Seok's love) @seventeen-chatbot Wonwoo (Jun's love)

Closest friends// @empress-jiaqi @kpop-shelter @yourlocal-babybear @yourlocal-babybear2 @julia-oc @shinhaneul-oc

💎// @singledad-coups @minghaostitch @decade-wonwoo @god-vernon @xdevilmingyuxx @princexjunhui @leejihoon-cb @van-gogh-minghao @/seventeen-chatbot

🥀// @aikihades @sophie-svt-13 @waitingwhispers60 @yangomangos @m00n-nim96 @moonlit-jaemin @time-for-confession @xash-axx @vampiremomo @mafia-chaeyoung @split-jiu @artsydahyun @princess-yeji @werewolf-sehun @incubuswooyoung @twiceland-saga @amazingspiderhan @mafia-choa @la-soleilmafia-cb @mafia-arin @floristluda @werebaek [DM for +/-]

[mononyann]

a while back people requested that i share some of my headcanons for certain bnha characters, so here's some of the characters that i did

Shota Aizawa

- he absolutely has at LEAST 3 cats, he spoils the heck out of them too. that's why he's always eating those gel packs... he spends too much on his cats.

- he really does love his class. and we all know honey??? u haven't expelled any of them. ur soft for them ok.

- he likes to sleep with his cats bc he gets lonely at night... he will not admit it, but he likes having someone/something there :)

- he has reuccuring nightmares about the usj attack and how he could have failed to save his students

- has a very low alcohol tolerance and often ends up getting dragged back to his apartment by mic or midnight when they go out whilst he rambles and whines the entire time

- he hates crying and tries his best to keep his emotions held in, he's only cried in front of a select few people

- he tries not to let others opinions on him rule his life and tends to block it out if someone hates him

- he doesn't know it, but he is the entirety of class 1-a's dad.

- he really likes tea, and dislikes sweets

- as you would expect, he takes his coffee black

Hanta Sero

- he really likes kpop! he stans multiple groups and really wants to attend a concert

- though he seems really chill on the outside, he's actually quite sensitive and has some self confidence issues

- he loves being around people and finds that he gets his energy from being around those he loves

- definitely into e-boy fashion, and he is open about it

- pierced his own ears at 3 am and called kaminari crying about how he screwed it up

- he actually likes to draw a lot in his free time, it's very relaxing. he puts on some nice low-fi music and draws for hours

- he hasn't had many crushes in his life and doesn't find romance to be a big issue currently, but he's open to anything

- accidentally taped his hamster to the ceiling in 2nd grade, he didn't mean to and cried for hours (the hamster was ok)

Nemuri Kayama

- she is a BRO, she likes to crack a cold one open with the boys on the weekends

- she is bisexual and thinks everyone is beautiful in their own unique ways

- most likely talks shit about her coworkers to her classes

- she thinks children are adorable and loves them, often scaring them with her enthusiasm

- very touchy, she loves hugs and will probably not pass up a chance to use you as an armrest if she has the chance

- she secretly worries about aizawa a lot and is scared that he lets the past effect him too much

- did you guys know she has a cat?!

- i like to think she and mic are like... EPIC bros, she loves to paint his nails and do his hair while gossiping with him (aizawa would NEVER let her do this to him lmao)

- she isn't a mom, but finds the idea of having her own children very nice, for now having a cat will suffice

- she enjoys trying to make all might flustered, she thinks his reactions to things are always very cute and funny (it's all in good fun!)

- she's the mom friend! though she may seem very sexual, which she undoubtedly is, she is also very caring and has a very nuturing motherly personality, she's a lot more than just fanservice !!!!!

Todoroki Shoto

- completely oblivious when it comes to love... he doesn't even understand his own crushes

- "of course you can borrow my credit card uraraka" *pulls out endeavors card which he sneakily took*

- would be the person to tell a child that their pet guinea pig didn't go to heaven and be confused when they start sobbing... like "what... don't be honest?"

- allows his friends to huddle up to his warm side when they are cold

- is confused when people show him copious amounts of love and affection

- he would beat up anyone if they tried to do ANYTHING bad to midoriya

- he wants more friends. he really is enjoying meeting new people and having some new friends at ua!

- he gives really good hugs, he doesn't try to hug you too tight, but he doesn't half ass it either, very nice and warm

- he hates his scar. like. a lot. he wants to cover it up so bad but it just doesn't work. he's afraid it'll make other people scared of him.

Shinsou Hitoshi

- loves patd! and fall out boy, a brendon urie STAN

- loves to kiss his kitties on the forehead but dreads human interaction

- he loves to squish his cats' toebeans... he takes pictures of them and posts them to his secret cat social media acc

- he is gay but doesn't know how to feel about it and/or come out, he's really nervous and doesn't trust people to accept him

- he doesn't smile often but when he does it's the cutest thing ever

- he secretly really likes deku and kaminari and is hesitant about accepting their friendship, but appreciates the gestures a lot

- he suffers with social anxiety and doesn't really know how to make friends very well??? like, in middle school people were total dickbags to him so he kinda just closed himself off and decided he was gonna like... not make friends, but now that there's nice people around him he just kind of- doesn't know how

- this is actually canon! but he feels guilty about having to manipulate people when he uses his quirk, during the 4th school briefs book he feels guilty when he overhears midoriya and ojiro talking about him using his quirk during the sports festival, and he's like "i wish ojiro would say something rude about me to show he's angry so i wouldn't have to feel so guilty about this" since ojiro showed no ill feelings towards him

Izuku Midoriya

- "hold on I'll go get a blanket!" *opens closet* *thousands of all might figurines tumble out*

- watches cat vine compilations until 2 am, than freaks out when he realizes it is 2 am

- very good with children!

- used to be very self conscious about his freckles bc of bakugou insulting them; hid them with concealer for a while until someone told him they were beautiful

- loves his momma so muchhh he would do anything for her, he likes to surprise her with small favors to see her happy

- does not understand the concept of letting people handle their own problems

- stays after to class to offer his teachers help

- he has a lot of self doubts and is still struggling to this day to come to terms with the fact that he is worthy of having one for all

- he wants to learn how to cook for his mom and friends

Kyoka Jirou

- she is a lesbian!!!!! she has a crush on momo but is completely convinced that it's unrequited

- struggled with judgmental kids in middle school because of her sexual identity and style

- gets very easily flustered by anyone complimenting her

- that one person sitting at the back of the bus with their earbuds blasting full volume

- was a GOD at guitar hero

- acts like she's fed up with kaminari's (which she can be sometimes), but truly he's one of the people she can trust the most. she secretly appreciates the way he hypes up her talents and how he really helps her through the day sometimes!

- she loves heroes so much... when she was a little girl and didn't know what to do she'd ask herself "what would my favorite heroes do!?"

- she also secretly buys hero merch but hides it in fear of her being seen as sappy

Amajiki Tamaki

- would have trouble standing up for himself but if he sees ANYONE messing with mirio he WILL throw hands

- likes to watch bob ross videos when hes feeling anxious

- he once went to a butterfly museum with his parents and cried out of joy when one landed on his nose

- leaves food out for strays in his neighborhood, ends up attracting an entire hoard of animals.

- he can paint very nicely, he began to paint after he discovered bob ross

- mirio then saw his paintings and showed the entire class to tamaki's dismay, but everyone absolutely LOVED them!!!

- every day he becomes more and more capable and sure of himself, he is still very anxious, but he's learning to open up and embrace his talents <3

- he really loves to listen to music and any time he's not around others he'll probably have earbuds in, gently swaying back and forth to whatever he has on

- nejire loves to try out new hairstyles on him, and strangely enough, tamaki lets her, he loves it when people play with his hair

Shirakumo Oboro

- shares one collective braincell with mic

- that one person that brings EVERYONE valentine treats on valentines day at school

- most likely plays ding dong ditch

- *draws stick figure* "ah yes. just like van goh" (he cannot draw)

- hates to see his friends (and even random strangers upset) and will go out of his way to do dumb things to make them smile

- probably played soccer

- he's a massive flirt and likes to believe he will become a stereotypical anime protagonist with a massive harem

- he really wants to see aizawa come out of his shell more and tries his best to encourage him to see the best in everything

- he has most likely worn a schoolgirl uniform to class once

- he's very affectionate and loves to hug his friends (even if they don't want hugs), it's his way of showing he likes people

Hizashi Yamada

- he lives off of caffeine. he is a teacher, pro hero, and radio show host, im honestly not sure how he does it

- gives out stickers when students get the correct answer in class and has class parties when they are well behaved for the semester

- just like everyone else, he has his own turmoil as well, he likes to stay busy because it prevents him from having a lot of time to dwell on the past

- he gives really good hugs, and loves to feel the touch of others, it's very comforting to him

- was probably pretty troublesome when he was very young while he learned to get control of his quirk

- overall a really happy and excitable guy, he loves being the center of attention and if he can make people happy by being what he is, that's awesome!

- he shows his appreciation for people in odd ways, but he always means good, even if his wild antics can be a bit stressful lol

- he likes to sing a lot and does it a bunch when he's alone, he can also play a lot of instruments

- he can be very serious if needed, he does often put on a persona when he's present mic

- when he's hizashi (out of hero persona) he's even more of a dork than usual, very goofy, awkward and pouty. a manchild.

OK so I reached my image limit, if u guys wanna see the rest I might post some more later PLUS feel free to request some in my asks, I don't really know how all that stuff works bc I'm kinda new to Tumblr but ILL FIGURE IT OUT

[hopeless-lovex0]

I HAVE A DREAM (PART 14)

Kim Hongjoong Fanfic

Warning: Angst. Cheating. Heartbreak. Cursing. Fluff.

Hello fellow atiny’s and kpop stans 👋🏼 Part 14 of I Have A Dream is here and it's a roller coaster. For anyone confused by the timestamps, I'll give a brief explanation.

(Y/N left for 3 months which would be 3 months into her pregnancy. Ateez moves into the small village for a month and by the time they leave Y/N is already on her 4th month. Throughout her 4th month all the way to the start of her 8th she stayed in the village till finally she moved back to Seoul with her brother to spend her 8th month there till she finally entered her 9th month.)

It's all a little confusing but I hope you guys are still able to understand. With that explained I hope you guys like this weeks update, and I promise next weeks is gonna be wild 😉 Without further ado here's part 14 of IHAD

5 months later...

Various colorful lights and music played all around the city of Seoul, groups of people gathering all over the place. Multiple banners hanged all over the streets, some promoting different idols others promoting food or drinks.

In the middle of the bustling city stood a very pregnant woman, her big belly covered by a light pink thick sweater and black jacket. She waddled her ways towards a small cafe located a couple of ways away from her brother's apartment.

Y/N felt too exposed, the amount of people around her was way more than the people back in the village. To her that small village miles away was considered home, the small brick house holding so many meaningful memories in such a short time.

After the guys and her brother had left, Y/N continued her life as normal or as normal a 4-month pregnant woman could get. She continued to go to work, Mrs. Park pestering her 10x as much since she didn't have someone to care for her like her brother. She could take care of herself, but once in a while she missed her brother massaging her ankles, or wooyoung and Jongho trying their hardest to make her laugh.

In the time that they were gone, Y/N had managed to make more friends. She meet Kyung Mi’s girlfriend, the two of them complementing each other perfectly. She also meet the rest of Mrs. Park's family, Mr. Park accepting her into their comfortable home with open arms. She felt so at home with them and she honestly doesn't know how she'll be able to be away from them while in Seoul.

During her 6th month, Y/N made her way to Seoul to visit the hospital she was planning on giving birth in. She only stayed for a week, and that week was the best one in her life.

She reunited with the guys again, swarming her in a group hug the minute they visited her in her brother's apartment. They took her out to eat that day, as if they were celebrating something enormous. Thinking back on it now, she laughs at the memory.

She talked to each one of them whenever they could, San calling and texting her almost every night. Sometimes they would talk about meaningless things, other nights they would talk about their future. He asked her if she considered having more children after the first one, to which she answered just one more. She asked him if he ever wanted children, to which he answered 2.

Every question they asked each other seemed to compliment each others answer. San wanted a small wedding in his home town, something that Y/N encouraged. Y/N wanted a honeymoon in Venice, wanting to visit the Rialto Bridge. San fully supported her, agreeing that it was a beautiful destination.

In whatever one of them desired, the other one would agree 100% or have the same in common. It's as if destiny desperately said they belonged together, and slowly they started to believe they did.

After her visit, she went back home to the little village far away. She continued to daily routine, going to work and occasionally going to her clinic appointments. From her 4th month leading towards her 8th month, she stayed in the village with Mrs. Park and Kyung Mi both of them doing their best to help their pregnant friend.

After her third trimester came, Y/N and Mrs. Park started to pack her hospital bag. Mrs. Park packing tons of baby clothing, pink and blue for when Y/N finally figured out the baby's gender. They keep the bag in Mrs. Park’s car for when they both traveled back to Seoul.

When she entered her 8th month, they packed Y/N’s suitcase and started their commute to her brother's apartment. That's where she spent her whole 8th month until she finally entered her 9th month.

That's where she was now, 9 months pregnant and standing in front of a little cafe. Entering the dimly light establishment, Y/N quickly scanned the place before she finally found who she was looking for.

Walking up to the older woman, her back towards her Y/N brings up her hands and covers her eyes. “ Guess who~~~~” she sings out, the older woman letting out a small laugh in return. “ I could be wrong but are you perhaps my annoying daughter?” she says, causing Y/N to gasp out in fake shock.

“ ANNOYING!? If anyone is annoying its Youngji!” Y/N yells out, crossing her arms and pouting like a little kid. “ You are right about that, Youngji does take after your father.” Her mother says as she gets up her seat and grabs Y/N by her shoulders.

“ Let me take a good look at you, I haven't seen you since you moved away darling.” She says, giving Y/N a once over before bringing her in for a hug. “ Oh how much I missed you, my princess.” She mumbles into Y/N’s shoulder, having shoved her whole face in the crook of her neck.

Returning the hug as much as she can with her big belly, they both relish in the comfort of their embrace. “ I missed you too mom.” Y/N says, getting emotional over not seeing her mother for such a long time. “ I missed you more.” her mother mumbles back.

Pulling away, her mother leads her towards the opposite seat from hers. They both sit together in silence just reading the menu and then placing their order to the waiter walking by. Her mother examines her, the sight of her only daughter about to have a child of her own causing her to get choked up. “ How have you been? How’s my grandchild treating you?” She asks, watching as Y/N rubs the bottom of her swollen stomach.

“ They've been super active recently, I guess it's because I'm already close to my due date. I've been good as well, other than the swollen boobs and not being able to see my feet anymore everything else is going well.” Y/N chuckles out, her mother snickering at her in return. “ Oh honey I know exactly how you feel. Youngji and you were so hyper during my last month, I swear I thought you guys would be great soccer players in the future with how hard you guys would kick me.” She laughs out, Y/N smiling at her mothers carefree behavior.

“ How's Youngji by the way? I called him the other day to see if he could join us today but he never answered back.” Her mother asks, playing around with the fork in front of her. “ Youngji has been really busy lately. The company he works at is growing fast and they are keeping him busy since he is the best worker there. He also asked me to tell you that he's sorry he couldn't answer, and that he loves you.” Y/N says, leaning forward and grasping one of her mother's hand.

“ Oh my poor baby, they are probably working him down to the bones. I hope he takes a break soon, his friends as well.” Her mother says, eyebrows furrowed in worry for her son and his friends. After their little conversation, their food gets to them causing them to eat in a comfortable silence.

Halfway through their meal, Y/N’s phone pings with a notification. Quickly picking it up, she checks her phone and starts to giggle to herself typing out a quick response then putting it down after. “ Who was that, darling?” Her mother questions, her curiosity peeked once she saw the big smile on her daughter's face.

“ It was San, he wanted to let me know that he'll be busy with his group's promotion today and that he'll call me later tonight.” Y/N carelessly says, missing the questioned eyes her mother gives her. “ Are you guys a thing?” She questions, causing Y/N to choke on her drink water snorting out of her nose from the question she was just asked.

Patting her chest, she shakes her head furiously while a bright red blush creeps up her face. “ OF COURSE NOT MOTHER!!! What makes you think that?!” Y/N exclaims, fanning and patting her face to get rid of the hot feeling covering her entire face. “ You got a glow in your eyes when you mentioned him. I know because your grandfather used to get the same look too when he talked about your grandmother.” She says, watching as her daughter avoids her stare by playing around with her food.

“ I don't know what you mean by that. I don't love him mother.” Y/N snaps back, feeling way to vulnerable for her liking. “ I never said you loved him. I just asked if you guys were together.” Her mother quickly defends herself, Y/N still refusing to meet her eyes. “ I- I won't date him mother... ever.” Y/N mumbles out, appetite completely gone by that point.

“ You won't date him? Or is it more like you can't date him ?” She questions again, receiving silence in return. “ Baby.. Are you scared that whatever happened with Hongjoong will happen with San?” Her mother asks, reaching forwards and taking her daughter's hands in hers.

Swallowing down a lump rising up her throat, Y/N clears it before finally speaking. “ It would be different this time if that happened. I'm scared to open up my heart like that again. What if he gets tired of me like how Hongjoong did? I'm about to have a child, what if he decides that he doesn't want my kid because it's hongjoong’s and leaves me for someone else. I can't go through that again mom, I can't put my child through something like.” Y/N says, watching as her mother rubs soothing circles on her hands.

“ Oh my poor baby, that will not happen with San. You want to know how I know that..? Because from that single smile and glow in your eyes I see that San makes you twice if not more times happier than Hongjoong ever did. Don't think that because that good for nothing ex wasn't able to keep his dick in his pants that San will do it as well. From what your brother has been telling me, San is trying his best to gain your attention. Knowing that you're pregnant, but still trying to gain your love I'll say that he's already better than Hongjoong will ever be.” Her mother rants on, voice hardening when she mentions Hongjoong’s name.

“ You really think so mom...That someone like him would even look at me that way..?” Y/N questions, voice small with insecurity. Her mother lifts up her head to look at her, giving her a heartwarming smile. “ I know so baby. You deserve so much more than Hongjoong and I can tell that San can give you that. You just need to open up your heart darling, you'll regret it if you don't. That child that your carrying might not be his, but he still stuck around to take care of you and my grandchild. To me that's a real man, and that's exactly what you my darling daughter need. An amazing man to love you and your baby unconditionally.” Her mother continues on, watching as her daughter breaks out in a small smile.

Y/N shakes her head, smile stretching out more as her mother comforts her. “ How do you know what to say every time I'm feeling down?” she chuckles out, bringing her mothers hand up to her lips and kissing them.

“ Oh darling it comes with being a mother! You'll know once that little bundle of pure joy is born.” she laughs out, tapping her pointer finger on her daughter's head.

They both continue to chat throughout their lunch date, laughing and reminiscing on old memories they had while still living together. Her mother talked to her about the time she spent taking care of her and her brother, giving her tips on how to take care of a new born as well.

Sooner than later, their little lunch date came to an end. They both stood right in front of the cafe, bidding their goodbyes’s as well as her mother giving Y/N’s stomach a kiss. Walking her mother up to her car, they both bid each other one final goodbye before her mother finally drives away.

Turning the opposite way, Y/N begins to make her way to her brothers apartment.

Halfway through her journey, she started to feel small sharp pains start up towards her lower back. Y/N stopped walking for a second, placing a shaky hand on her abdomen rubbing it slightly. “ You really are ready to come out huh?” She whispers to herself, standing there for a couple more seconds before finally continuing her way back home.

Standing in front of her brothers apartment building, she bids the front desk person a hello then makes her way towards the elevators. Getting in the small space, she begins to ascend towards the 6th floor continuing to rub her abdomen lightly as she still feels some discomfort creeping up.

Arriving to her floor, she walks out the elevator and quickly makes it into the apartment. Closing the door, she carefully leans against it as another sharp pain strikes against her back. Feeling short of breath, Y/N makes her way towards the sofa and drops her entire body on it. The pain last for a couple more seconds before finally going away, her back tingling from the previous pain.

“ It's probably because I'm so close to my due date already.” Y/N mumbles out, staying on the sofa as she caresses her stomach, feeling the rise of her flesh due to the baby kicking more and more.

Struggling to get up, she grabs her phone and checks for any missed calls or messages but is meet with nothing. Usually around that time her brother will call her to make sure she had eaten, and San will usually text her but she's meet with neither of those things. She figures that her brother must be backed up in the company and that San is currently busy with the rest of ateez.

Dropping her phone on the sofa, she makes her way towards the kitchen to grab something to eat. Before she can even make it there, she gets a sharp pain on her lower abdomen the pain so intense it causes her to double over. Huffing out, she walks up to the dining table and drags a chair out fumbling with it for a couple seconds then finally sitting down.

She stays there as the pain continues to increase quickly, coming and going a couple more times. There's no way I'm having this baby now! I still have two weeks before they get here! Y/N panics in her mind, wincing when the pain only seems to increase more and more.

Turning her head towards the clock hanging over the stove, she notices that her brother doesn't get out for another 4 hours. Debating whether she should call him, another pain (which she now begins to think are contractions) shots through her back and towards her stomach. Nodding to herself, she stands up with shaky legs and makes her way towards the living room where she left her phone.

Halfway through making her way to the living room, a sharp pain more stronger than the others causes her to cry out. Hunching over, she pants out multiple times before she eventually notices the small puddle under her feet. Staring at it in panic, she realizes the severity of the situation and as fast as she can makes her way towards the sofa and snatches her phone laying on it.

As fast as her fingers can type, she immediately dials her brother's number only to meet with the voicemail option. Cursing out she continues to dial her brother 4 more times before finally giving up and dialing San instead.

She prays that he'll answer right away, but is meet with the same results. She lets out a small sob from how scared she is, then takes a deep breath in order to calm down her racing heart and shaking hands. Redialling San’s number, she's once again meet with the monotone voice requesting her to leave a voicemail.

Finally breaking down, she sobs into her hand from how fast everything is happening and all without help from someone she knows and trust. Giving up on calling her brother and San, she turns to the only other person who she knows will help her without a second thought.

Trembling fingers hurriedly press a serious of numbers on the phone, bringing up to her ear when she's done typing in the phone number. The other line rings two times, before a shocked voice answers the call.

“ H-Hello..? Y/N is this you..?” the person questions, voice cracking when they call out her name.

Y/N can only cry out once another contraction hits her, body curling in with pain.

“ Y/N?!?? ARE YOU OKAY?!” they question, mind on high alert the second Y/N cried out.

“ H-Hongjoong.. Where's San.?” she hisses out through clenched teeth, trying to hold in the rest of her cries.

“ SAN? San’s with the rest of the guys in the practice room. The manager made them stay extra hours for slacking off and took their phones away.” Hongjoong explains, getting up from his work chair and making his way towards the door of the dorms.

Hearing that, Y/N sobs out again both from pain and knowing that she can't depend on him in that moment.

“ Y/N..? Hello? Please tell me your okay?! Did you just call me to ask from San..?” he questions, waiting for Y/N to answer back.

“ Hongjoong please listen to me. I need your help right now. Can you pick me up from my brother's apartment? You know where Youngji lives right?” Y/N fires questions left and right, not giving Hongjoong time to question her.

“ CAN YOU TELL ME WHAT'S WRONG WITH YOU?!? WHY ARE YOU SUDDENLY ASKING ME TO PICK YOU UP?!” He screams out, mind all over the places from everything Y/N is throwing at him.

The line stays silent for a couple of seconds and Hongjoong is about to apologize in case Y/N got mad at him for screaming at her. Before he can even open his mouth, Y/N screams back at him. The words she utters out causing Hongjoong to freeze in shock.

“ MY WATER JUST BROKE ASSHOLE! NOW CAN YOU PLEASE PICK ME UP CUZ I REALLY DON’T WANT TO GIVE BIRTH ON A DIRTY OLD CARPET!” she screams out, wincing after when a contraction hits.

“ W-what...?” Hongjoong whisper out, soul completely leaving his body.

“ The baby is.. Coming..?”

[onlytbz]

Casual (Kevin)

You and Kevin have been friends for years, but you two slowly drifted apart as Kevin went on his way to becoming an idol. That one random day, you suddenly hear some voices in your head, and it’s been giving you a headache since.

words: 1628

A/N: this is half serious and half not, WE’LL SEE. i also haven't’ done bullets in awhile, but i might just continue writing narratives bc i feel like i’m being too serious when i do bullet points.

also i’m sorry that i haven’t been posting any writings, and thank you for being patient!

You and kevin have been friends for years, yes

BUT

Kevin left and went on his way to be an idol

You ended up being in a band with a group of people that ended up being your friends

You played guitar

And let’s say you’re tiny

Bc i like tiny people

They’re the reason that you know about this soulmate thing

But you didn’t care

That might explain why you hear random noises

Sometimes screaming at like 3 in the morning

Sometimes it sounds like they’re yelling for their mom

Let’s say you’re fluent in korean

Thanks to family visits to kevin’s place and your bandmates

And let’s be real

You sorta forgot about kevin bc he’s gone for years

So you feel like the voice seems familiar but at the same time it’s not

You know?

You were just practicing one time and your head just

“CAN I GET A HOYAA!?”

You accidentally did a wrong note and it killed everyone’s ears

“ARE YOU GOOD?” your bandmates said

“NO.”

NOW TO KEVIN’S SIDE OF THE STORY

He’s was doing the flower snack thing

He was yelling so much

Whenever he does something, he yells for his mom

You know, the usual

Then he just yelled “CAN I GET A HOYAA!?”

And Hwall just answered

Dude

Then a random “NO.” popped up in his head

AND HE YELLED LIKE HE’S IN PAIN

“KEVIN WHAT THE HECK!?” New yelled

“SOMEONE JUST YELLED IN MY HEAD!”

“HOW IS THAT EVEN POSSIBLE?”

“I DON’T KNOW, TELEPATHY!?”

It took awhile until he started to work and get ready for the little restaurant

He ended up bobbing his head while no music is playing

Why?

Good question

“Why are you bobbing your head?” juyeon asked while laughing

“Is there no music playing?”

“No?”

“Guess it’s just me.”

He finds out about the soulmate thing after his first fansign after debut and everything makes more sense

But he also things it’s hella weird

A couple months later and you guys have done some performances

Most famous one ends up being ft island’s summer night’s dream

Which is a bop by the way

Highly recommend

Your long note is what EVERYONE LOVES

Even your bandmates make you do it bc of how much they love it

With time went by, your group slowly got popular, mainly for your covers

Whenever you do a busking, everyone’s literally waiting for you guys

Sometimes your fans get their before you do

And they’re really nice that they let you through to get to your spot

Also you’re the only one with a natural hair color bc you don’t want to destroy your scalp

Everyone likes to watch your group tune their instruments

The fact that you guys tune your instruments by ear and that’s amazing

You accidentally sang a note and everyone’s all

“WHOA.”

You’re just sitting there all confused

Little did you know that you’re singing Giddy Up by The Boyz

And that Kevin is in the group

Bc you’re not into kpop and your friends just wanted to do the song

And it fits with the instruments in a way

When you started, everyone was already cheering, even before the first line even started

Little did you know that the group itself was cruising along and ends up hearing a familiar tune

“What is that?” one of the members ask

“It’s a different song, jacob, don’t worry.” another said

Sangyeon of course

Then they see a giant crowd

Like what?

When the first line was sung, they were all shocked bc it was their songs

Like

SOMEONE KNOWS ABOUT US?

THEY LIKE OUR SONGS?

Ok maybe not like that but they would be surprised

Kevin heard it in his head too and he was confused

So they went to check it out

Which startled the fans, but they managed to get to the front and see who it was

They didn’t know you guys

Kevin’s head didn’t even click on who you were

They stayed there until their song ended

Then the bop played

Aka summer night’s dream

They seemed to like the song and the beat and they even clapped with the fans

Your group looked and noticed them and almost had a heart attack

But they kept playing

Bc you gotta continue with the performance until you’re done

You’re not nervous though, bc you didn’t even notice them

You did that long note and kevin just seems shocked

But then he realized it was your voice that’s been in his head

Still didn’t know that it was you though

After you’re done, they all cheered

Of course you hear a mix of voices, but that one voice sticks out to you the most

You just continue waving to your fans

“Y/N, how do you tune by ear?” a fan asked

“Just practice until you can memorize the tuned notes. Took me so long, but it’s worth it.” you smiled.

Kevin immediately dropped his jaw when he heard your name

“Y/N!?”

You looked over to his direction

Where did that come from?

Then you see someone waving his hands in the air

But at the same time how come they haven’t been trampled over

But also your fans are nice, they wouldn’t do that

You were confused on who it was

He ended up smiling at you and YOU INSTANTLY KNEW WHO IT WAS

Now you’re wondering

How did you forget about him?

Oh wait, because of practice

After you cleaned up, you immediately went to him

“HOLY HECK I HAVEN’T SEEN YOU IN YEARS!”

“SAME WITH YOU!”

“Dude, you left me though.”

“I’M SORRY!”

Then you guys talked non stop

“Also, do you know about the soulmate thing?” kevin suddenly asks

“What.”

“Soulmates.”

“What about them?”

“I think we’re soulmates.”

“Were you the one asking for a ‘hoya’?”

“M-Maybe…”

“Then we are.”

“HOW WOULD YOU KNOW?”

“YOU’RE THE ONLY PERSON WHO WOULD LITERALLY DO THAT.”

“You’re not wrong…”

Now let’s skip to the part where you two are actually a thing

Ok so we all know you two are a thing

But you two more act like you’re best friends

You guys play fight

Then you guys would just chill

Cuddles?

Casual

Kisses?

No thanks

Kevin’s too awkward for kisses and so are you

When both of your groups hang out, they’re mainly focused on your instruments

And you two are only interested in chilling together

The only person you trust with your guitar is jacob bc he wouldn’t do anything that will damage it

Honestly, you two look like parents watching over kids

Too many kids

Whenever jacob was done, he would return it to you and you would play some notes

Kevin would touch some of the strings

Sometimes you would hit him because you were afraid that he’s going to break one

“Do you not trust me with your guitar?”

“No.”

“Y/N PLEASE.”

Of course you were only kidding

Both of your groups would ask the same question

“Did you guys kiss yet?”

“No???”

“??????? why haven’t you guys?”

“We don’t want to????”

“WHAT’S WRONG WITH KISSING?”

“IT’S G R O S S”

Honestly you guys are just being kids

You guys even treat kissing on the cheek as if you’re kissing another member

Everyone literally tried to get you two to act like a couple

BUT YOU JUST CAN’T

Insert the moment you kissed him on the cheek

CUE THE HIGH PITCH SCREAMING

HIGH AND LOUD ENOUGH THAT YOUR BANDMATES COVERED THEIR EARS

“SHUT UP YOU GUYS ARE LITERALLY DATING?”

“SHUT UP YOU’RE LITERALLY SINGLE??”

“SHUT UP??????”

Literally when are you guys ever serious about dating

To be real, kevin would probably follow you everywhere

But he knows his limits of course

Why hold hands when he can just cling onto your arm?

Why do just that when he can also hold your hand?

He also seems like the type to go to the arcade but watch you play the games instead

Seeing you happy and excited is the best thing that he had dealt with

When you win something, you’d give it to him

“But you won it?”

“But you didn’t do anything?”

“But you deserve it?”

“But I got it for you?”

“But-”

“Just take it”

“Ok”

To be honest, people wouldn’t even know you guys are dating

They just think you guys are just idol friends

You guys would go on night walks, possibly with a camera to video you both

But also an actual camera bc you love taking pictures

Sometimes kevin will just look at the sky and you would just take a picture

And BOY DOES HE LOOK STUNNING

Kevin would also take selfies on both of your phones

Since he’s the taller one and he purposely makes you look short as hell

That’s when you kill him

After your walk, you would go to the cafe

Those that are somehow still open

He’d call you basic for ordering a simple drink

You’d call him a coffee addict and he wouldn’t be sorry about it

Let’s be real, if beyonce was played in a store, he would start dancing

And you would just leave him

Especially in a store

Whether it’s a grocery store or a mall

He’d just yell your name

And you just raise your hand and in an instant he’s already clinging onto your torso

Like d u d e

He’d buy you lots of gifts and take you anywhere

Or let’s you drag him around places

You guys holding hands will probably be the most romantic thing you guys have done without screaming

Sometimes he kisses the back of your hand aka the only affection that you guys don’t scream at

Just

You guys are hella adorable

[igotshinee21]

Dear Jonghyun,

A year. That's what it's been. I still can't believe it. You have everyone around the world missing you and crying and praying that you're ok. It seems like just yesterday I was 5 sitting in front of the TV in my grandmother's house watching SHINee's debut stage. All I could focus on was you. It took my grandmother having to pull the Korean news channel up on her computer for me to go eat breakfast and get ready for the day.

I couldn't stop watching you. I knew you were singing for your Noona but I. I felt like you were singing for me. You were smiling but looked so focused on the dance that you just radiated 'LOOK AT ME IM THE BLING!' and I just remember asking my grandma who you were and she reads the Hangul going across tbe screen and says 'Kim Jonghyun' and that's when I fell in love.

That whole day I went through Kindergarten class singing Replay and all the kids around me called me names cause they spoke English they didn't understand who you were or how powerful you were. You made a 5 year old have standards for guys that I shouldn't have had.

I went home that day still humming it and went inside. I went on the computer and just searched you and then I saw you. The next few years went by. I fell more in love with you by the day. But after you debuted and became my center the worse took place.

My step dad the person who I was to go to for comfort and feel protected by began to abuse me. Every night I would lay in bed crying and wondering why a now 6 year old had to go through this. I started sobbing and the only thing that calmed me down was you. The smile that your face brought and the twinkle your eyes shown. I laid in bed everynight thinking of you begging you to come get me from the life I was living.

The abuse got worse. I was 7 with depression and having to steal my mom's makeup to cover up bruises. That's when I started having panic attacks and hyperventilating. The one night I couldn't breathe and had to go to the hospital but the doctor asked me if I had a way to calm down and I said yes. Music. And more specifically SHINee, you. He played like 3 of your songs and watched as I went from on the brink of passing out to dancing to replay.

He told me that it was because of you I was breathing and hadn't died of oxygen lack. So I left happy. But the abuse didn't let up. If anything it got worse. He used you guys against me, told me I was getting punished cause you guys saw me as a disappointment. But I knew it was a lie. You guys brought a smile to my face every time I thought of you. But when I turned 10, that's when I turned to you for the late nights in the bathroom. When the only relief was self harm. After a while of sitting there you talked me into putting the blade down and cleaning up and that I could make it cause your voice gave me hope it gave me a safe place. Weeks later I was in the same spot though. Except this time I wanted to end my life. I sat there crying and didn't move. No one was home. But my iPod started playing randomly and the first thing I hear is you. Your voice came through the headphones clear as day. I fell asleep on the bathroom floor feeling like I was gonna be okay because I felt like you weren't gonna let anything happen to me. But of course he had other plans. He took most of my innocence and told me if I told a soul I'd get in so much trouble. So I kept my mouth shut. Now 2014 comes and I'm turning 11. I'm in the 6th grade and it's November. Thanksgiving time. next week and a half is hell for me. my grandma dies and you know who helps me cope??? You.. you let me cry myself to sleep thinking I was gonna be okay.

YOU WERE MY HOPE

YOU WERE MY SAVIOR

YOU WERE THE ONE WHO SAVED ME

But of course let's rewind some of 2014. You became 'Blue Night's radio host and every day it never failed I'd listen. Even though I didnt understand much your voice got me through the everyday life.

Now 2015. By this time I had tried ending my life a total of 4 times. I self harmed more than what I wish I did and I became so wrapped up with my pain and the fear of people seeing me weak I was diagnosed with Smiling depression. The same thing you had. But you held me through all the pain and suffering. My mom leaves my step dad. And actually right now in 2018 shes in the process of divorcing him.

We move down south from New York to Georgia (USA). I was afraid of people making fun of me that I barley listened to kpop. I was so absorbed with not getting put an outcast I almost lost you. But you still were there. The nights I cried. The nights I have like tonight where i just hurt and don't know how to fix it.

2016 rolls around and I lose it! You release you're she is album on my birthday and I felt like the luckiest girl ever. I called my grandma and told her how you wrote she is for me. And yes at the age 13 i swore we were soul mates. I had ever since I was 5 so why stop?

And then 2017... I lost sight of you. I barley kept in touch with what SHINee and you were doing. I knew you stopped hosting. And y'all dropped a Japanese song (GET THE TREASURE IS A BOP! But so is every SHINee song) i was so focused with school and sports I lost sight of you. Then I moved to where I am now. And face more shit. I was sexually harrased the first 3 months I moved here, I stared self harming again and pulled all nigher just so I wouldn't have nightmares. Then December 18th comes. I wake up to my friend blowing up my emails and feed with the news. I was lost deviated shocked numb. I couldnt feel anything. You were my everything. My rock. The reason I kept fighting. And I couldn't help you from the thing you helped me from.

I didn't do anything for the next two weeks. I was of course numb. I did the bareminimun. I barley ate. I didn't sleep. Then I cried non stop in my room. I couldn't let everyone know I was hurting. My family didn't even think there was something wrong with me cause I hid the pain so well. I mean I became so good at looking okay people just assumed I had the best of everything.

January 1st came and I didnt want to do this. I didn't want anymore tomorrows. But as I sat in my room crying over you I heard it. The same thing I heard every time I cried like that. You told me id be okay and that you'd always be there. Then for some reason I couldn't stop wanting to see you. Every SHINee video I watched. Every video of you I watched.

I haven't read your letter or watched the funeral. I refuse. I guess I'm afraid it'll make it like official official that you're gone and that I have no choice but to say goodbye. But I don't wanna say goodbye you became my reason for fighting. The reason I rolled out of bed. The hope that life was gonna get better

I wish I could have helped you. I'm so sorry. I just hope you're okay and happy and not hurting.

You did well bling bling. I'll post more later today. It's just gonna be my favorite moments of you. You and SHINee. Always and forever.

I hope the words I could never say reach you. 'THANK YOU'

(just some people on insta paying tribute)

[pstabs]

Another Day Another Tumble?

Ok, what are these things called? I'm gonna call them Tweets. Fuck it! This place is my Twitter replacement anyway so I might as well just call them Tweets. I AM TWEETING ON TUMBLR. NGL, it bothers me that there's no e in there.

What is great on the time line? Dancing cats! So I'm just writing down some random shit from my head, in case you, dear reader, haven't figured that out. My brain today is totally scattered. I'm trying to distract it from the "proof" it keeps sending me about how I'm unloved. A friend said something hurtful the other day that is living in my head rent free. They didn't mean it to hurt me, I'm pretty sure. "At least I got hugs".

I don't get hugs since the separation. That's because I don't have anyone in my life that considers me important enough to hug. I'm excluding my immediate family in this because my mom and my niece will always hug me but I only see them once every few months. Scott will hug me too but only once every few months when I see him. So it's a pretty affectionless life that I'm leading right now. Add to the lack of hugs, the lack of any sort of affirmation of affection or even affirmation of friendship love, and I'm pretty lonely right now. Like it physically hurts sometimes.

Anyway, I'm trying to distract my brain by just letting random things come to it. And we end up with stupid ass blog shit like this. LMAO. I apologize to anyone who has decided to follow me. I do find that I love this whole long form typing thing and I can just ...

Add random K pop gifs in here. TUMBLR I AM NOT INTO KPOP MUCH SO PLEASE DONT THINK ME USING A GIF FROM THEM MAKES ME A FAN. Not that there is anything wrong with it, it's just not Our Last Night enough for me.

Speaking of Our Last Night, that lead singer...omg he just exudes sexy. Their covers are top of the top IMO. Thanks to Panda for introducing them to me.

Wait, there is a a tumblr beta button? I sorta want to click it. But I don't think that I should because I barely know how to use this actual thing.

Oh are you still here? Nice. Thanks for skimming this far. If you've actually read until now, then I'm sorry. In my best Canadian ever, I'm sorry.

Ok. I'm gonna have a nap. My mind feels a bit frantic right now and I should stop tumble-tweeting in case I just write myself into a panic attack...which I fully can do and is WHY I DONT BLOG or JOURNAL to begin with.

[berrymeter]

it’s been a while perth! i’ve been pretty tired recently and i’m trying to let go of the unhealthy coping mechanism kpop is to me but i wanted to say hi hello and how are u etc <33 i’m also facing a kind of artist’s block because i want to be able to draw more complex things like backgrounds but i don’t want to practice or use references so it never turns out how i want it 😞. it’s okay tho.. improving is a gradual process! plus i’ve been looking at ur newer art and it really is improveddd you have a better handle of digital art techniques and your poses and expressions are good!! we will become stronger artists together i decree it! love the new url btw… what else… oh omg i loved the rcpc comeback! i wanted to listen to the songs u recced me but i Cannot find the ask with the recs so i’ll just listen to a bunch of their stuff. that’s it! have a good day for me! -tt

omg hi!!! tucks hair behind ear hi tt anon <3 it has been a while <3 i am sorry u came back to me due to this ... whatever this was . use refs!!! i need to practice bg & perspective too i haven't focused on that AT ALL lately... i'm just drawing a bunch of guys for ppl who want guys drawn & also myself. the last one i did though did make me feel very defeated cuz it was for a friend & it felt like i just couldn't get it right & that's what caused All This but i'm going to post it & you're gonna be like "dude this is really cool who cares if it's not accurate have u looked at it???" & it's like . yea i have . i'm sorry NDJKSNF

i just realised i lost the sketches i did of another friend's oc bc it was on the same layer as the lineart & when i covered up the sketches with the background colour i did it on the same layer as the lineart *forced smile* whatever anyway... yeah like clearly this isn't bad NDSKJNFKSJDHF i just had mental illness in my brain. i may need to change one of the teeth's position but like that's fine... in any case yeah i was just having a Moment but i do hope we will become so much stronger together!!!!!!!

hm. kpop huh? well i have listened to it less & less. or rather added a lot more other stuff in my playlist lol . . . BUT rocket punch! yep they got good music! chiquita was cute i think my fave song off that was either that one or in my world... oh wait louder is also good. i mean i didn't dislike any of the songs but those are the three i'm least likely to skip (me skipping a song doesn't mean it's bad it's just that i get in moods u know how it is with adhd). i'm glad u enjoyed the cb <3 & i am glad to hear of u again!!! it's always a pleasure to have u here at berrymeter dot tumblr dot com (also sorry for the url change since last time ... i have brainrot now)

[woozi]

twt being no.1 on updates, true that <3

not jaebeom speaking abt the mark, hui, btob youngjae fight on youngk's radio show at the time i was typing away abt temper 😭 dhdjdkkdks it's so funny whenever these guys meet someone has to mention abt it and then everyone starts talking. it's like that one story in your friend group you all just can't let go of and some might be like ' how long are you gonna talk abt it?' & next thing you know they're also talking about it at some other time djdjsksk. (but also not him saying he hugged mk to stop him 😔🥺 this was new info to me) i get what you're trying to say hdjdke <33.

oh no alexa pls play you can't sit with us by sunmi. sorry jaebs you are not allowed in our club anymore </3 dhdjdk. RIGHT?? need some silly things to hang on to, to make life interesting jdjdkdkd. naur <///3 i love yugs' smile and laugh sm. i like calling him, chan and seungkwan(even tho sometimes this one makes me want to fight him) ' babu ' (it's a cute term of endearment in my language djjdd idk how to describe it in eng it's something btwn bub and cutie but tbh comparing it to these two makes it a lil bland djdjdk also i feel like sharing this will give away my identity bc i use these a lot in tags 😭😭 also idk if you got the notif but i accidentally liked & then unliked last ask jdjdkd) anyway all 3 of them make me very happy 🥺.

im starting to l*ve u and ur taste too 😿💗. i'll be honest i don't know which bsides have choreo from old albums ( i only know of current ones bc i was there during cbs djdjk 😭) unless someone tells me abt it, i haven't seen it yet but that's what i'm gonna do after sending this. also samee i dont wanna get my hopes up but since jus2 are basically from same agency i am also looking forward to them being in one track in future.

gotsvt chef's kiss 💖. i think ppl just start naming songs they personally dislike, flop these days djjdke. maybe it's just younger ones or just those who listen to title tracks only. there used to be this one song i listened to, of jamie, it was also a feature can't remember name of it, but other than that i haven't listened to her discography much :3. tasteee it's a banger! on the rocks makes me want to miss my non existent s/o djekdkdl. the lyrics </3 the vibe </3. i think drive you home comes close to it for me. after on the rocks that's another one i love with capital L.

dhdjkdjdek that's okay i tend to repeat same phrases too, and trueeeee live performances hit differently.

it's funny how you say i'm keeping up w g7 bc i have no idea where jackson is or what he is doing and until his 2nd bday live i thought mark was in china but then got to know he was in hawaii 😭 i've given up on keeping track what they're doing off stage/irl unless i get update via ig stories through them. keeping up what their releases is still somewhat easy so i'm just doing that. ( i had no idea jaebs was gonna be on eric nam interview but finally today i got the chance to watch it 🥺💚) also!! yes i had didn't know what or how bam's agency is like but everything abt bam's cb i was content with and loved it, i'm impressed.

omg you're chan's age??? i'm a 97 kid :3 and yeah same that's what i thought too, couldn't really find any answer as to why he wasn't :/.

also no worries abt playlist jdjddk i'll slowly start listening to their discography here and there. BUT ALSO i saw there is slchld on the playlist you linked, I LOVE THEIR SONGS OMG. NO IDEA WHO THEY ARE BUT I LOVE LOVE LISTENING TO THEIR SONGS, yerin baek too!! after woozi's cover i started listening to some of her songs <333 also kehlani 💖 i love her voice. thank you for sending in just that too <3

also did you notice seungkwan's ball which got stuck om roof, is still there in same place in 4th ep of in the soop djsjskslsl 😭 i found that so funny for some reason. no one bothered to bring it down.

i hope this week is being kinder to you since last weekend was one rough (else i'm fighting it), stay hydrated <3 yza 💗 goodluck w uni - 🪂

WAIT HE DID????????????? I DIDNT GET TO WATCH THE THING THATS SO FUNNY 😭😭😭😭😭😭😭😭😭😭😭😭😭😭😭😭

literally how many times have they talked abt this... AND EXACTLY FDJKFJDKFD it's the predebut fight bond for me <3 ok but i can see jaebs hugging mark so he won't beat the living shit out of the other boys that is So Him 😭

YOU LISTEN TO SUNMI... EVERYDAY U GET SEXIER.. WHAT THE HEAL.. it's like that w astrology to me too KJKJDFKJFDKJ i would also fight seungkwan no hesitation tbh it'd end up w me headlocking him im just so sure of it <3 OHHH I THINK IM FAMILIAR W UR NATIVE LANGUAGE THEN??? filo???? im not so sure though fdkjfdjkf and no u don't have to worry abt that i don't check my notifs anymore JKFKJJKDFKJ i just check mentions replies and asks <3 i know i'm missing a lot by doing so but it just takes up too much time for me now :/ and i will pretend to not know even though i have def seen those tags KJFKJDJKFDKJFD

dw i don't know most of them either KJFJKJFDD i just come across things!! i don't even know A Lot of things abt the groups i liked ever since i came back from my kpop hiatus jkfdkjdf i dont feel like i need to know Everything anymore just to like things lol 😭 im hanging on to this frail hope... jus2.. BLEASE....

ik :/ and there's no reasonable.. idk guideline anymore for "successful" songs which is also weird to me.. i think thats bc of streaming and shit :/ JAMIE IS SOOOO GOOOD!! i knew her from her reality competition days and when she eventually debuted in 15&. jype fucking sucks though she could've been v big now :/ the vocal chords on that woman.. incredible. <3 JDSKJDSJ WITH A CAPITAL L!!!! jacks' latest songs are always abt heartache what is he going thru 😭 how did u feel abt LMLY?

i know like.. only 13 words max nowadays so 😭

i think jacks is just always busy so we both cant keep up with him 😭 AND MARK IS IN HAWAII?????????? I THOUGHT HE WAS IN LA WTF 😭 i actually am not keeping up w them as much as i used to i just still have a lot of g7 moots and i follow update blogs so JKFJKDKJFD i still love the boys sm though it's just that im becoming a svtpoppie now 😭😭😭

yes i am <3 he's just a few months older than me!! ALSO WAIT we're the same age as g7 and svt's maknae lines 👁️👄👁️

HELL YEA!!!!!!!!!!!! i actually don't know who they are either i just listen to them too fdjkfjkkjfd lately spotify's doing most of the work for me <3 ALSO U KNOW ABT JIHOON'S COVER... UR SO- ok we're besties 4 life now <3 CAN I JUST SAY... WHAT THE HELL IS UP W JIHOON.. DOING IT IN THE ORIGINAL KEY.. HE HAD NO BUSINESS SHOWING OFF LIKE THAT OK UR TALENTED N IM A LITTLE IN L*VE W U WE GET IT 😭😭😭

AND NO DFKJFDKJJKFDFDKJDF WHY IS THAT SO FUNNY TO ME 😭😭😭😭😭😭😭😭 HOW DID U EVEN NOTICE!!! NOW IM GONNA HAVE TO LOOK FOR CLIPS OF IT JKFDFJKDFD 😭 they're truly relaxing they cant even be bothered lmaoooo

looks like it'll be much better!! i'm kind of excited for uni ngl <3 i hope everything's well w u as well and that all ur endeavors are bussin <3 u stay hydrated too and get lots of sleep!! <3

[nightmare-niko]

Chapter three

Character mood board: Lee Beom

"I've been fine Jaehyun, How have you been, love?" Haru tries to grab his hand, but Jaehyun pulls his hand away. She pouts and begins bouncing her leg, knowing how much Jaehyun hates when others do do. "Jae you have a mask on, why are you being so damn Secretive? Most people would fucking flaunt their girlfriends around like designer clothes but no-"

"Princess your being too clingy, listen how about we go out on a date on Friday? Just me and you at the restaurant, enjoy and maybe we could go back to my apartment for some ramen?" Jaehyun winks at Haru and She awkwardly chuckles and nods, Haru's never had sex before she's never wanted to, not with Jaehyun or anyone but Jaehyun Is her first boyfriend so she knows it will happen one day. " Haru please I haven't had sex in three months!"

"Jaehyun baby? we've been together for three years?" Haru questions Jaehyun statement with a pout.

"Years yeah that's what i said," he throws away Haru's words and sips his coffee, pulling his mask down a tiny bit. Haru shrugs and pretends to get a text from one of her friends.

she gasps a bit, "oh my god i have to go my love, its a girl emergency back at home," she gets up and grabs her things. "Ill see you on Friday love?" She kissed his forehead and walks away, dread falling over her as she walked back to her bus stop.

—time skip—

"I'm home!" She yells into the house, she doesn't get a verbal response but with a group of foot steps. Anna and Azumi rush to Haru and they both hug her, almost knocking her in her ass.

"Haru hello! You didn't say hi to me today I feel so unloved." Azumi fake cries because of her 'unnies' lack of morning greeting.

"Zumi, you where sleeping like a log this morning I knocked on your wall and you didn't budge."  Haru pokes the younger check and walks into the living room after taking off her shoes. She sits down on the sofa and lets out a shaky sigh. "Is Bom or Sua here?" She holds in her tears and huffs out a bit. Anna hums and she waddles out into the hallway to check in on the girls Haru requested. She comes back out with Sua and Bom; dragging them by the hands. Azumi with her head on Haru's shoulder stays there and plays with her fingers. Anna sits on the floor in front of the sofa; in front of Haru. Sua sits next to her with Bom to the left of her, they can all tell Haru has something on her mind.

"Baby what's wrong?" Sua takes Haru's other hand in hers, rubbing it with her thumb gently. "You can tell us, we're all ears."

"Do you think he's cheating on me? He's been so distant and today, he said he hasn't had sex in three weeks, he told me he couldn't hang out three weeks ago." She starts crying, "w-what if he was with a girl three weeks ago and hasn't met her since. And he's been lying to be the whole time calling me baby and princess and he's never said he loves me but he always try's to get in my pants and he never pushes he only asks but never touches me and w-what if-"

Sua stops her from rambling on and on. "Haru, listen your a mess right now, if you think he's being disloyal either bring it up with him or try to see if his behavior is because something going on in his life. Maybe the comeback has been saying on him in a bad way. Think rationally babes don't do something you will live to regret."

"But if he is cheating ill chop off his-" Bom is quickly shut up by Sua covering her mouth with a pillow. Haru and Azumi laugh at this while Anna facepalms also laughing.

"Maybe I'm being dramatic, but ill keep an eye on him and get back to you girls." She looks over at Bom, "maybe not one of you..." she jokes and wipes her tears away and sighs; laying her head on the back of the couch, "lets take a nap all of us right here right now." The girls giggle and get comfortable on the sofa, after only a few minutes they all actually fall asleep.

Only a few hours go by before Jia comes home, keypad beeping from outside of the door and the latch opening and closes scaring Anna and Haru awake. Azumi, Sua and Bom however are still sound asleep, like newborn babies. Anna sighs and picks herself off of the floor and up to Jia sleepily pulling her into a hug and quietly warns her of the sleeping girls in the living room, to which Jia nods and makes makes her way into the kitchen for a snack, hobbling over because Anna is hooked onto her front like a sloth.

—time skip—

It's been a day since Haru saw Jaehyun, he hasn't been texting her or even liking her posts on Instagram. Haru senses something was up, but she doesn't have the guts to do anything about it. Laying on her bed on a nice May afternoon contemplating what to do with her day. She gets up from her bed and decides to annoy one of her roommates, skipping over to Sua's room she knocks a rhythm onto the door and lets herself in.

"Hey Sua did you look for auditions?" She goes up to her friend sitting at her desk looking through her computer and slings her arms around the older shoulders.

"Yes I have actually, there is one for Monday, that's in two weeks, I'm gonna tell the girls, are you actually ready for this? They're gonna make comments about your body and be really mean but don't let that get to you." She looks up at her younger friend and Haru nods. "Do you wanna tell them with me?" Haru nods again and lets go of Sua and skips to the other girls' rooms.

After letting the girls know when Sm will hold the auditions all of them got to work, planning their audition songs and everything they needed for the day. Haru, Jia and Azumi got to work on their vocals, Bom and Anna practiced their rap and they all worked on dancing, while Sua excelled at the dancing because she took classes, Anna and Azumi did it for high school and Haru Jia and Bom where just naturally good at it. They still needed to have more than one non kpop choreo under their belt.

"Hey Sua, can you watch me do this and tell me what's wrong with it?" Azumi calls Sua into the living room from the kitchen.

Sua walks into the living room holding two water bottles and she gives them to Anna and Azumi who have pushed the living room furniture away from the middle of the room so they have space to dance and move freely. "Oh goodness what happened in here?"

"Oh relax! We'll pick it up when we're done in here you don't have to have a heart track." Azumi wiped some sweat off of her face with the palm of her hand, and her hand on her pants. She grabbed the water bottles and gave one to Anna, "I'll pick it up when we're done," she corrects. "Anna never lifts a finger to do anything." She opens her bottle and takes a sip.

This is gonna be a long few days but they're ready for it.

[fluffi]

so should i reply in tiny font or just regular font?

hybe should do better in spreading out the comebacks of the groups under them :/ they're already at a huge advantage, might as well use it strategically. AHA streaming mvs is so convenient for a multi. the filler vids i could use in between could be mvs from the other groups that i stan. also you know what, i still haven't watched a single final performance bc im waiting for a friend to watch with me :D

i have a chinese movie recommendation in case you want something to cry over. i still love its ost and it's been months since i watched it. i'm not sure if you watched it already but more than blue. i've never cried over a movie as much as i cried for that one. the angst *chef's kiss*. i'd do anything to wipe my memory of it and watch it again for the first time.

also sungchan is mc-ing in inkigayo every sunday! and honestly, what the hell is nct hollywood :D but a part of me thinks it's just going to be a bunch of asians living in america like johnny that'll be a part of it. just a hunch tho. imagine having all 4 units coming back in a year with like 1 unit per quarter of the year. i'm not sure if sm even has the money to do this, especially when they filed bankruptcy recently.

and i've seen a lot of twitter memes saying taro's ghosted stans T_T alexa play ghosting by txt T_T sm come on give him smth to do, you're wasting talent.

the mall didn't burn down entirely (like from the outside it looked fine). the ventilation system caught fire so it was more internal—ceilings and all that. covered things with soot(?) and ashes so the entire mall was closed for nearly 2 years. and hey, i've experienced a school fire too back when i was younger. i, too, thought it was nothing but a fire drill until i saw the charred remains of the buildings behind our school : D thankfully, no one died.

the new nct track is for a samsung commercial AHAHA it's funny because nearly everyone uses apple TT_TT and the mv screams neo culture tech tho (well as it should lmao). yes, i was talking about that part in hot sauce but yes, it grew on me too.

ateez really know how to do a performance. they put the standard so high for me when it came to performing. their facial expressions and overall stage presence just impresses me. it's been a while since i've seen idols draw me to them by those standards.

ah, the long stan list! good luck in getting through it and i hope you do have fun as you go :] (also you can check out aurora by ateez and whiplash by tbz. the songs popped up in my head as i was typing this reply, you might like them)

ohhhh, what was the pd48 scandal? i don't watch survival shows so i don't know any of the stuff going on. would you care to elaborate? about their disbandment :(( i hope you're okay now tho! are the other girls still debuting in new groups? anyone eyeing an acting career instead of being an idol?

YES, A PATTERN IN THE BIASES (if you count an analysis of two ppl as a pattern, that is.) because it's the same pattern i have for my biaswreckers :D jake & seungmin, not only do they have the same animal to represent them, they have the same 'golden retriever' type of personality that just makes you go all soft. ygwim ;n; i wish i could elaborate but both boys just devastate me in the same level and my friends pointed out that they were quite similar in some aspects.

jaemin used to send really long bbl messages :< like if there was anything he loved most it was nctzens and it was obv in his messages. speaking of dream, album repackage news today! idk what to feel bc my hot sauce albums haven't even arrived yet :D + i'm dead br0ke.

how do you even manage to read 30k TT__TT i cant handle long fics bc of my attention span :D also, yes, i found the user now, i'll check if i'll like their works soon. <33

YES YOU SHOULDVE BEEN THERE T_T what a day that was. i think seungmin is still sweet and active in bbl. not a single cent goes to waste with him. also i think i'll post the drabble some time this month.

and oml seungmin vs jake :o let's see how that goes O.O XDD

clickity-clackity AHAH do you have a mechanical keyboard? :c i wanted one too but i haven't got around to saving up for one. but yes indeed, typing asmr v relaxing \m/

sunny hyuck day, fullsun sunday, fullsunday T_T feels were very strong that day. i kept seeing edits on my twt tl and i would just s o b : D i've only stanned nct for a year but i've seen him grow so much i just wanted to crie i love him sm :') yk my mom didn't cook spaghetti for my birthday, but she cooked for hyuck's? : D

and i checked ur recs blog and indeed, full of nct T_T

also have i mentioned that your desktop thing amuses me so much HAHAH i got confused for a sec if i had twt opened or tumblr. plus, i've been wanting to mention that i noticed that our mobile themes are opposites. black and red, white and blue. it's cute XDD <3

help, people have been telling me that our asks are long but i highkey love it. i added a ‘keep reading’ for the mobile users though, sorry in advance hh.

honestly, both works. tiny font saves space but regular font does more justice for my poor eyes haha. its your call!

hybe comebacks :( yeah enhypen got lucky because they came back right before cb season so they got three wins (yay)! on the bright side, txt just got their first win and bts has six wins, so it all works out i guess. omg yes, the streaming thing is perfect. i stan like 20 groups so i have a never-ending cycle of filler mvs and its always so helpful. ooh for the final performances - you wont regret watching any of them! literally wild, kingdom's budget and talent are wild.

ooh, I don't watch any cdramas lmao. i want to but i can barely finish kdramas. if its a movie ill watch it! ive never heard of more than blue but ill check it out <3 where can i watch it?

yes yes i have just realized that sungchan is yujin's co-mc! i watched their special stage (which is literally adorable) and was today years old when i realized that the dude is sungchan pls. nct hollywood was so unexpected and i still have mixed feelings about it now. LMAO JUST ASIANS LIVING IN AMERICA...help. that would be interesting (?) but the concept reminds me of those horrendous awesomeness tv shows. lets hope sm pulls this off well and proves me wrong. lmao all 4 units coming back would probably happen, but i hope none of them get overworked :( i constantly feel like mork lee has four clones :'( also...sm filed bankcruptcy??? dang, what happened?

ugh omg yeah shotaros talent is seriously being wasted in the basement right now. as for fires, scary T-T i wasnt that fazed by them until the australia wildfires happened, and i learned about the consequences of fire and got really scared. its good that the entire mall didnt burn down though! although its weird that no one is opening it :( schools really need to tell us the difference between drills though, it might be dangerous for those rebellious kids.

yeah i just realized that the nct track is an endorsement which partly explains why i cant listen to it. the mv's visuals are stunning!! the set and people are so gorgeous aa i cant

oh yeah im not an atiny but i have acknowledged since 2020 that they have one of the best, if not the best stage presence and expressions on stage for 4th gen. i think their only worthy competitor would be stray kids actually. theyre truly one of a kind and all of them are cute especially that yeosang guy. i will definitely check out your song recommendations though!

oof the pd48 scandal is extremely complicated. to condense it in a few statements: all of the girls' rankings have been rigged since the very beginning and it was rumored that they already had their end group before the show even started. it was like this for pf48 and pdx101 (group x1) which was why x1 disbanded within a month of debuting, and izone were on hiatus for like 4 months. im not the best at explaining stuff like this haha, but i think you get it. you can check out yt or search up 'pd48 scandal', a ton of articles and videos. as for new groups, nothing has been made clear yet. theyve only made instagram handles for now and appeared on variety shows haha. as for acting career, hyewon was supposed to do acting but was forced to join pd48 so maybe she'll continue acting afterwards? nothing is confirmed yet!

lmao two similarities, its okay it counts. ah, true, i can see their similarities now that youve mentioned it, as well as how jeno is kind of like that. however, i am currently attached to jaemin so we'll see what happens from there hehe. i swerve easily.

jaemin on bubble grr, that would be a whole experience. from the bare minimum of vidoes ive seen for him wbk jaemin is so whipped for czennies. ah yes repackage! i saw the post on instagram and went to the comments to see everything screaming ‘iM bROke!’ and it was lowkey hilarious lmao. kpop is really trying to suck our money T-T.

ope the longest fic ive read is like...40k words i think? and it was by jeonginks. ill read anything eiko produces lmao, theres always so much substance in her work. ooh, tell me what you think of luvdsc’s stuff, i just finished binging their entire masterlist lmao.

seungmin vs jake yeah, i havent been catching up on skz enha content because im still obsessing over the dreamies but when that saga is over then im going to focus on my ults lmao (which might include dream soon, hehe).

yes yes i have a mechanical bluetooth keyboard that i use to connect to my computer! it literally sounds amazing lmao, its only 10am here but i feel like im going to doze off from the clickity clackitys already. i cant wait for you to get one! tell me when you do, we can match hehe.

hyuck is an aodrable brat please. hes like the best comedian of nct at this point, so hilarious and filled with variety i love him. he rose up my bias list pretty fast too. LMAO YOUR MOM IS SO COOL I LOVE HER ALREADY. if only my mom would cook for my ults’ borndays.

yes my rec blog is a mess right now, ill organize it soon haha.

omg thank you and yes my website theme is one-of-a-kind. even i get confused when i open it or edit it, and i constantly get comments about it. also i just realized our opposing theme colors and i love it! its adorable.