#haven't talked over one weeks now
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meanslackofart · 2 years ago
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he listens to my playlist 😭😭😭
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moonkhao · 3 months ago
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hi.
#i know most of you didn’t even realize i was gone#but man…#my mental health was like in a state of 📉📉📉 in the past 30 days like we love being mentally ill and fucking insane <3#it was mostly bc i panicked and started obsessing over possible water damage in my flat kind of out of nowhere#like it started when my landlord came to check my bathroom bc my downstairs neighbours had water stains on their ceiling back in july#which had been caused by their shower curtain apparently but i was already spiraling when my landlord told me so i was sure it was my fault#i was assuming it was bc of me bc i had sometimes been spilling some of my bathwater and i was like WHAT IF IT HAS GONE THROUGH THE FLOOR?#and it didn't help that it has been hot af and very humid in my apartment LIKE WELL OVER 25 DEGREES AND 60% HUMIDITY#anyways i couldn’t shake this not matter what i tried and my fucking insane brain made me think i was going to get arrested for like#flooding the whole building or for causing some sort of mold infestation#i had SO MANY panic attacks; i wasn't able to sleep; i wasn't able to eat; i was on edge and panicky basically 24/7 so fun fun fun :D#and i kept waking up in the middle of the night and HAD to go check my walls or the space below my kitchen#it was compulsory like i couldn't not get up and go check and tbh i would've thrown out all of my furniture if i could've to check for mold#(and shhhh i know how fucking insane this sounds but having a mentally ill brain that's anxious all the time does suck ass sometimes 🥲)#(the worst thing about it tho was that i was SO AWARE of how insane about this i was being and yet i couldn't stop losing my mind over it)#(also i was so ready to move tf outta here bc i couldn't handle being triggered 24/7 which is why my mom let me stay with her last week )#i was so out of it that i couldn't even let myself do the things i usually enjoy... like at all#like watching my shows or spending any ungodly amount of time on tumblr... or replying to messages i got from people who i love#ig this goes to show HOW bad this actually was for me mentally bc usually tumblr and my shows are like my safe place#anyways we finally had a leak detection dude come over today and we had him check the water levels in my walls#and he said everything is fine and he specifically told me i should stop worrying about any water damage BC THERE IS NO WATER DAMAGE#he also said that the weather has just been insanely humid this year so it's not surprising that the humidity levels are higher than usual#i’m still a bit scared about some possible mold but ig this is good enough for now#i am aware how ridiculous this must sound for anyone who's reading this now but couldn't let it go not even with meds so let me live pls :(#TLDR I WAS GOING THROUGH IT BUT I AM BACK I THINK AND I AM MOST LIKELY GOING TO START BOTHERING YOU WITH MY GIFS AGAIN <3#AND I JUST REALIZED I HAVEN'T EVEN SEEN ANY OF THE HEART KILLERS STUFF YET ASIDE FROM ONE OR TWO PICS LIKE :(#OH AND I NEED TO START WATCHING SUMMER NIGHT ;_;#sabrina talks#@AIRENYAH GIRL I AM SO SORRY I WILL PROBABLY REPLY TO YOUR MESSAGES LATER TODAY OR TOMORROW MORNING ;_;<3
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wulfhalls · 7 months ago
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justalittlebluetiefling · 2 months ago
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I haven't been involved with coaching for almost 3 months now and somehow I am still getting dragged into the drama.
#personal#move back to your small hometown they said#it'll be fun they said#me chanting over and over again:#if you live here you get to see your family all the time#(this is a good thing for me i love my brother and his family)#dude honestly this whole thing is just hilarious at this point#anyway newest drama is that one of the parents thinks it's suspicious that i 'quit' the same time my best friend moved away#the shit that is being said about us right now??? fucking wild#i haven't told any of those kids why i really left because they don't need me to be gossiping about their current coach to them#that would be so unprofessional of me#i say like she wasn't spreading rumors about me to THEM directly last year#we are all in our 30s here why are we acting like fucking teenagers still#i'm about to be real petty when i go visit next week though#'oh my god you won't believe what i heard crystal is telling people at her salon'#to the coach not the kids lol#i have a sneaking suspicion that the she is involved in this gossip in an adjacent way not directly#and i want her to think about the shit she says before she says it#she's mad that i don't want to coach jv when i told her multiple times i don't want to run my own program#and that i'd be happy to help her out as an assistant coach but that having to deal with parents is my worst actual nightmare#see what's happening right now#literally the only reason i applied is because i love those kids and they were all freaking out about my friend leaving#because they thought their current coach was also going to be leaving#and i was like hey i won't leave you guys don't worry#it's her fault that she chose not to include me in any of her brainstorming for next year#if she really wanted me to be involved she would have been talking to me about it back in april#i'm literally barely pulling myself out of my grief hole about losing coaching#and i could have stayed around but i would have been miserable#because it wouldn't have been in the capacity that i really wanted#oof okay i feel a little better after venting a bit
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theflyingfeeling · 11 months ago
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fic talk in the tags 💝
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randomingoftherandomness · 14 days ago
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#this is me just screaming into the void#but this week has been hard. like one of the hardest weeks I've had to get through in the longest time#tues was my great grandma's 12th anniversary of her passing#wed I got the news that a friend passed away suddenly#thurs was my late father's birthday#fri was that friend's funeral but I can't go#and there's a whole host of other things going on in my family now that I cannot put out into the internet just yet#personally I'm just so so tired#I am not spiralling. At least I don't feel like I am. but it's been so hard#I cannot turn to my family because of whatever's going on right now#I can't really turn to my friends just yet because my emotions are still percolating#my only consolation and also burden is that I will be away for a wedding soon and after that my last big trip for 2024#I feel so spread thin right now#I actually sat in the car with my sausage McMuffin crying to Hao's Haicheng and Woozi's What Kind of Future this morning#it's the first time I cried like that in a long while because I rarely let myself get to that point#idek why I am writing this#I think I just wanted to scream into the void for a bit#gab irl#thing is with the friend that just passed; he was part of the party crowd I used to run with#we are all kinda spread all over now -- some moved back to their own countries; some married and moved; some with kids...#we haven't partied together since before the pandemic#we kept talking about wanting to link up soon and catch up#I had even been thinking about him lately#and now he is gone and I do not have the place to pour my grief and my regrets into
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suffercerebral · 30 days ago
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i wonder if my ex best friend remembers my birthday every year the way i remember hers
#haven't really thought about her in a while#hope she's well#i don't think she remembers it#i often feel like i'm leaving flowers at the graves of people from my past#lately i've been haunted by thoughts and dreams about people i used to love#and i will always love all of them#no matter how badly i got hurt in the process#a piece of me fractures off when i love someone and i wish they'd keep that piece tucked away somewhere in the closet and dust it off somet#imes. i stil have every letter#every gift every photo every silly thing i've saved over the years#and i know that no one does the same for me#i wonder what my ex did with the drawings i made them after they dumped me for their ex. were they thrown out and forgotten#or maybe did they keep them in a drawer somewhere to find a few years down the line and remember my face. my voice. my laugh#i still have the letter i started writing for them about a week before they left where i was saying i regretted not telling them i loved th#and sometimes i wonder had they seen the finished product if things would be different#my reluctance to admit my love out of fear of being forgotten results in abandonment more often than not#my girlfriend now swears the pattern isn't going to repeat but i've heard that song before and lately i haven't felt safe#and loved the way i once did. she tells me to talk to my therapist. but i don't think it's in my head. i told her if she's thinking of#leaving to just do it now and spare me the pain of love burning out slowly#and maybe she'll listen and that terrifies me#i am my own biggest burden
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altruistic-meme · 1 month ago
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there is this tiktok that i have saved from last week when there were only like 4 gas stations open here and every time i remember it i just. the video was filmed literally right behind my apartment. i drive that road almost DAILY. i can literally see those signs FROM MY BED. that's MY HOME.
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flickeringflame216 · 1 month ago
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🗒
#blessings roll call!#feel free to hop in the tags or replies <3#started my new job this week-- working as a PT tech at a rehab clinic#that training is going well and it's such a blessing to not have to be actively searching for a job during the semester#since I've got a very full class schedule trying to find time to apply and interview would be a nightmare rn#so grateful that got done literally right before the semester picked up#and now I can focus on learning the job. also praise that all my coworkers are kind and patient.#school is going better than expected. there's a lot to do but so far I'm doing really well in all my classes#and singing in choir has been such a joy!#we have so many gorgeous pieces including a Sara Teasdale poem arranged for chorale#it sounds heavenly! the solo is lovely and the alto part is a lot of sustained notes that come together with the other parts to make this#insane almost organ-like sound#got to chat with my bestie today at my other job which was good#homemade soup!#food in general actually. The first week or two of the semester I was subsisting on nothing or junk food#and got to the point where I was starting to feel like crap and went grocery shopping#I've been bringing meals to college and work the last 2 weeks and it's made such a difference!#and I missed eating vegetables and actually getting protein so now I have nutrient-dense meals and it's great#actually getting close to enough sleep and it's been great#talked to my grandparents about visiting over Christmas break and they're down so I might be going to see them soon!#hanging out with my sister a bit more now that we drive to school together#despite being super busy it's been a good month. ups and downs but overall the best September I've had in a while#prayer request-- the one thing I haven't been consistent with is my quiet times.#definitely struggling in that area right now. please pray I can spend time in worship and prayer and study even when I don't feel like it <#college chronicles#journal
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serkonans · 8 months ago
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the way we handle medical leave in the states even for people with good benefits is cruel
#the number of hoops i have to jump through. the way that my requirements for one surgery are apparently different from another surgery#even though there's nothing in the paperwork to indicate any need for that and the surgeries don't differ all that much#the way that they lost my initial letter and now i'm up against my deadline next week and they haven't even told me what day next week#so i'm worried that it's literally tomorrow#the way i am not receiving ANY pay for an entire month because of all the delays so i'm having to live off my savings#the way that every single person i've talked to has said something different about what is and isn't required#the way that for a lot of this i had to be navigating it while high on painkillers immediately post-surgery#the way that the group my employer contracts through has two different emails and names and flips between them constantly#the way that my healthcare provider does it differently than every other healthcare provider so i need special forms from them#instead of the leave group but then the leave group doesn't seem to accept the forms that they send#the way that the doctors office has seemed incredibly confused by my requests#the way that the ROI office told me they'd send over a completed form and never did#the way i literally don't even know who to call next to try and sort this out or if it's possible TO sort out#like i guess i'll call the leave group tomorrow and cry and beg for an extension. i guess i'll grovel bc it's the difference#of getting a few thousand dollars or not and i can't just be like oh well guess i won't get my short term disability pay#especially bc none of the hospitals have billed me yet and i'm getting scared bc i don't know what my ER bill is going to look like#bc they did xrays and a CT scan and they gave me a splint and a sling and a lot of drugs#so i do need the money. just sitting here like. idek what to do lmfao.#not tagging this bc i'm on desktop and i can't do the accent mark easily and idk where my phone is rn sorry
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naughtynoodle056 · 9 months ago
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Pls send help I feel so hollow and empty instead
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united-under-skyfall · 1 year ago
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#i think one thing i really didn't prepare for w overnights is just how fucking lonely it is. like yeah 80% of the reason i took it was to#get away from customers but like. it worked. and the night shift team is v v small. there's only 4 of us and we've never been scheduled all#at once yet. and usually we're running around on completely opposite ends of the building going long periods of time without#radioing each other. and then i come home all amped up and the rest of my house is still asleep. and then when they wake up#it's just to get ready and go and we don't really have time to talk. and by the time they get back i'm sleeping#and it's my first night off and i can't fuck up my whole schedule i worked so hard to switch over to w them flipping me all over the place#so now i'm just like. sitting in the half light trying not to wake anybody up not doing anything. the only places near us open are#gas stations and i can't exactly loiter there and what would i do even if i could. and it's too cold to go for a walk or to the park#or something. and i feel like i haven't talked to another human being about something that wasn't related to work in years#and it's only been a week.#and we can listen to music or podcasts or something but our carts and machines are so loud you miss half of it. and we can't hold#super long conversations when we ARE in the same room for the same reasons. plus we all want to die so none of us feel like talking.#and just. im tired and lonely and want to sleep and im already regretting this but i'd feel bad for backing out now when they have so#few options and i volunteered for it in the first place#and then there's also like. even just doing my usual solitary thing at home feels so much more isolated bc there's not the noises#of other people existing nearby. the nearest signs of life are some coughing and then a car on the other side of the block#just. what am i even doing here.#tag ramble
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aretrothing · 1 year ago
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#this is a scream into the void don't read unless you want to#i'm so done and i just want next week to arrive already#i don't know anything about what's happening next week#i haven't been told anything other than get there for the morning#i haven't seen anyone apart from my family really for weeks#all my friends have been busy and my best friend came over just to do induction work#we didn't talk at all#i'm lonely and i miss my friends#it's been three weeks since i last spent any quality time with any of them and i'm used to seeing them every day#to top it all off i have to be in the same room as my ex on monday and the last time i saw them through the window of a coffee shop#it still felt like i was being punched in the stomach and it's been 5 months#i don't know what i'm doing next and i don't know anything and everything was so clearly laid out in my head for what i was doing before#and i don't even know what subjects i'm doing because i still haven't fully decided#the only thing i know is that i'm doing a comparison of birdhouse on the side which will be nice#i just want to know what i'm up against and what's going to happen next#what my general direction is because i have no fucking clue at this point#my head's been a mess since the week before results day and while i'm miles better i'm still not right#i want to know if all of it is going to be worth it#if what comes next is going to be worth all the effort i put into it and i'm going to enjoy it and so many other things#i'm so sorry for clogging your dash with this i just don't have anywhere to put this other than a diary and i don't have one on me right now#vetty talks#delete later#screaming into the void
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icewindandboringhorror · 2 years ago
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Daily Log 7
Trying out (probably just temporarily) making short daily-ish notes about things, in an attempt to see if it helps me be more reflective or productive lol.
Activities: Finished all of the little things I carved out of avocado pits, will maybe post pictures at some point? I painted some sections (like for the eye I carved, I made part of it white for contrast, etc.) and then generally glazed them with some shiny paint stuff. Now I really wish I had more avocado pits, I was unsure at first, but I have some new ideas.. I want to try inlaying stones like I've seen in some pictures, similar to the same ones I use for eyes in my sculptures. >:3 (random google image example of the stones inside, like this sort of thing V)
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Low effort/small house cleaning tasks, did a few dishes, put up laundry, organized things, put up the recycling, paid bills, etc.
Still extremely sleepy and unfocused, it was hot last night and the cats woke me up multiple times so I only got a few hours of sleep and barely had any energy to do anything and also had a headache and back pain a lot of the day. ToT
Finally made an appointment I was supposed to make like 4 days ago lol..
Gave wet food to the cats (this is an ordeal because George eats way faster than Noodle, so I have to separate them and stand guard so George doesn't vacuum his up immediately then run over and try to eat all of his brothers food.. evil boy must be watched to prevent his crimes )
Edited videos for like.. 15 minutes but still have not been very productive on that front (or editing costume photos or anything) due to shoulder pain and stuff making it hard to type/use mouse much on the computer. grrbbb >:V
Spent 10 minutes looking up a weird pendant I had in my rock collection area and found out it's an old piece of costume jewelry from the 60s(?) and could be worth like $200 potentially, which is cool. I'm not sure if I'll sell it though because I do think it's quite unique and good for a prop when making wizard character inventories, etc, and I'd never be able to find anything like it again (it's this one below.. it's very weird.. looks like something a mage would have lol)
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Translated the tapestry text for 5 minutes, and got out some tubs of clothes to start organizing them to sell outfits and stuff online, but then felt ill and had to go lay down so now the tubs are just sitting out on the floor ghgh..
Notable sights: It rained a bit and the sky was very pretty at one point. Didn't get to go outside today due to schedule/low energy, so no clovers or anything. Saw a fat squirrel out the window once though. Also when I was looking through my "rock collection" (which also includes marbles, dice, pieces of glass, stones, gems, rubber balls, seashells, smooth wood, jewelry scraps, etc. ggh.. really more "shiny things collection" but it's mostly rocks, so) for interesting stones to possibly put into avocado pits in the future, I saw a lot of pretty rocks I hadn't thought about in a while, so that was nice.
Goals moving forward: Focus on social activities, finding new friends in the places I want to move, communicating with ones I have. Physical therapy exercises. Finish and upload videos, edit costume pictures & etc. Do the new costumes I've planned. MAKE SCULPTURES at some point, I miss them.
Notable foods: Nothing really.. but it's an asparagus day tomorrow I think so.. >:)c hehehehe... Oh, I did try a bite of corn, which I really really love corn but am not supposed to have it on my diet. The miniscule morsel was sufficiently cherished. Still craving hearty stuff despite resuming my iron supplements lol..
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#just posting these publicly since it feels more like I'm doing something or easier to hold yourself accountable if you make public#declarations of goals and progress or etc. .. perhaps.. for now#just want to do worldbuilding I want to work on the language I want to do these sorts of things#furstrating to just walk around in a haze all day unable to focus on mental tasks like that#One of the most important things in my entire life actually is being able to think about little elves and magic and etc.#annoying to have multiple days in a row where I make very little progress on that aside from thinking of a few little story#ideas or something here and there. I should have had the text translated already and finished the worldbuilding slideshow#already and made a game set in my world already and so on and so forth.. grr#There's another upcoming heatwave again and summer is soon so I think it will only get worsw#the more often I feel warm and sick or cant sleep due to the temperature etc.#But I am trying to catch up somehow.. a little.. lol#I think it's very common to feel like you're not making enough progress in life on the things that matter the most to you#especially during capitalism and with low income and mental/physical health issues and during a still ongoing pandemic#threat and etc. etc. etc. like.. Logically I get it and I know it's not something to be too worked up over because that's just how#probably half of the population feels at all times especially people who are in similar situations to me#but still.. my brain is like Yes i know the facts of the situation No i do not care#if someone else came to me like 'ough Im feeling so unproductive for xyz reason' I'd reassure them and talk about how#it's situational and a lot of people feel that way and it's the system we live in and blah blah#but when it's ME it's like.. No.. This Situation Is Different Of Course. Surely It Is Much More Terrible#If You Haven't Finished Your Entire ToDo List By The End Of The Week Then The World Will Explode#ANYWAY..#daily log
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sabraeal · 2 years ago
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💝what is a fic that got a different response than you were expecting?
💥find your least kudos'd fic - say something wonderful about it.
💝what is a fic that got a different response than you were expecting?
If You Dare! My hakizana fics are not usually SUPER popular, but they tend to garner at least a little interest, but that one didn't even get a blip 🤣Too bad, that one was going to get smutty in the next chapter or two. ONE DAY.
💥find your least kudos'd fic - say something wonderful about it.
That would be To My Esteemed Enemy with three whole kudos, which is both surprising and not, because it's a fic with a pairing that is more popular than my main ship in that fandom, but it 1) doesn't have any ship content in it yet, 2) is using canon characterization of Kazama, which displeases the people who want him to be a sexy villain and also the people who want him to be a uwu good boy trying his best. It's easy to say something nice about this, because I spent HOURS poring over Hakuouki lore to get this into shape and was SO PLEASED with the results. It just needs a few more chapters to really find an audience, I think, but I don't have the time right now to put my effort into it.
#asks#meme#fic meme#my posting schedule was so regular over the last year that i really lost any sort of idea of what was popular at all#because i would post something and then everyone was so used to something being posted#that they'd sit on it instead of like...ravenously reading it and commenting in the hopes that I'd come back to it#so when stuff made no splash i wouldn't even notice until weeks later when I was looking through stats#usually just to find a fic i needed to reference#and i'd be like oh okay hm that's data#when not even popular stuff gets a lot of movement it doesn't hit you so hard when other stuff doesn't either#it's been weird this year because i haven't been able to post weekly due to life getting in the way#this is cold and snow season and it makes my writing days very spotty and i'm trying to just go with the flow on it#so when i DO post something there's like an EXPLOSION of activity#it's been interesting to see how when you regularly post no one say anything unless you miss an update#but when there's no promise of an update to come suddenly everything you post is much more valuable in people's heads#i have fics in other fandoms with SUPER rare pairs#and they really only get updates once every two months because i focus more on ANS#and like those chapters just explode on contact now. everyone comments and wants to talk about the characters and what's going on#and now that i'm really only posting ANS every 2-3 weeks it's starting to be the same here too#just SUPER interesting how the human brain works when it comes to this stuff
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shithowdy · 29 days ago
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this is your periodic reminder that for all the artifacts and errors and "tells" one could possibly list, the only reliable way to actually determine if an image is ai generated is to investigate the source. it is becoming increasingly common for "fake classical paintings" to circulate around curative aesthetic blogs, and everyone should be using this as an opportunity to not only exercise their investigative skills but also appreciate art more in general. you're all checking out the artists you reblog, right? 🫣
so what are some signs to look for? let's use this very good example.
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what a lovely late-impressionist piece blended with evocative leyendecker-esque themes! why haven't you ever heard of this artist before? surely tumblr would be all over an artist like this. who is justin brown?
your two options from here are to do a search for the name, or a reverse image search. i prefer reverse image searching, particularly when it comes to a common name like "justin brown". so what does that net?
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Immediately, without looking at any text, something is wrong: it barely exists. an actual historical piece would turn up numerous results from websites individually discussing the piece, but no such discussions are taking place. Looking at the text, though, does show the source-- and at least in this case, the creator was honest about their medium.
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But let's also look at the "exact matches", in case a source doesn't make itself apparent in the initial sidebar results like this.
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This section will often tell you post dates of images, and here it can be seen that the very first iteration of the image was posted 15 days ago. It did not exist online prior to that.
Seeing how long an unsourced image has been floating around is a skill applicable to more than just generative images! See a cool image of an artifact or other intriguing item with a vivid caption? Reverse search it! If all the results are paired with that caption and only go back a few months, you might just have viral facebook spam.
Sometimes generative creators are dishonest about their medium and do not tag it like in the example, so that's when establishing "jpeg provenance" becomes important. While it can be a little trickier to determine if someone is using generative images and not admitting to it if they aren't trying to pass it off as a classic, something to consider is the age of their account and the frequency with which they post. Here are some account red flags:
-Did they only start posting art after 2022, or if they did before, did their style/skill level WILDLY change? Not gradual improvement-- I'm talking amateur graphite portraits straight into complex digital renders. Everyone starts somewhere, newness is not a red flag alone; it's newness combined with existing in a vacuum away from any community.
-Do they post fully-finished paintings several times a week? -Do many of these paintings seem iterative of a similar theme or subject matter ("three well-dressed young men face each other under shade and dappled sunlight")?
-Does their style change in inconsistent ways? An artist that can swap between painting like Drew Struzan and Hokusai should be pretty well known, right? Why is no one hyping this guy?!
-Do they have social media besides the source instagram? If so, what are they posting about? Are there any WIPs? Doodles? Interactions with other artists? Gallery dates? 3am self-doubt posts? Or is it all self-promo? Crypto? Seemingly nothing art-related at all for someone pushing out 3 weekly paintings?
Basically, if it's important to you to omit this stuff when you curate, please don't just smash reblog if the source doesn't seem to be the OP themselves. Seeking out sources was important even before this became an issue, now it is more than ever.
peace n love
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