#haven't been okay for like a month
Explore tagged Tumblr posts
Text
.
#just gonna rant in the tags a bit#cuz i am not okay#still not okay#haven't been okay for like a month#i don't know when or if i'll ever recover from my roommate moving out#cuz it's fucked me up honestly#it's brought up so many emotions for me#and made me suicidal for the first time in a long time#cuz apparently living with me is just asbad as living with xyr abusive parents was#because of my hoarding habits and inability to clean (caused by multiple disabilities and i try so hard)#and it just made me lose complete hope for the future#because how am i ever supposed to be able to live with people if i can't keep my stuff clean#and i don't think i can live by myself for too long#and i don't really want to live by myself#but how am i supposed to live with people if i'm so terrible to live with#so what kind of future do i even have#and my life is already so full of guilt#so knowing that i'm just as bad to live with as cyr abusive parents#and knowing that i was triggering xyr ptsd#just has fucking wrecked me#and i actually had a nervous breakdown on friday#my car gave out cuz the serpentine belt broke#and i literally had a nervous breakdown for two hours at work#and it wasn't because of my car#that was just the last straw#and it was the day before my roommate was moving out#and so i had my car and not knowing how much that was going to cost#and how much work i would be missing#on top of now needing to pay the full rent for my apartment#and i had to miss a whole week of work earier this month too
1 note
·
View note
Text
Huzzah! It's birthday time! I'm slowly accumulating more and more things I like (latest additions this vest I made and a travel typewriter! Still need to fix the latter one though)
Sure has been a year.
#terri#niart#got my wisdom toofies out#well 2 out of 4#still got stitches#idk if this removal lowkey fixed my fear of the dentist?#it was so easy and painless#also finally i'm on anxiety meds jkahsdjash#i also got depression meds but i haven't tested them yet#I'm going to see the love of my life soon again!!!#only 2 more months to go....#i've also finally found awesome friends who don't make me feel like i'm insane for wanting to be cared for#the difference is like night and day#old friends saying hey let's surprise another friend of ours oh also i think it's your birthday on that day#new friends reminding me to pick a brunch place for us to go on my special day#i am sobbing#the right people are out there#don't lose hope#i've never felt this platonically loved honestly#also yes i'm working on the next dragon's lair aksjdhasjkd#just#a lot of things happening and i'm sooo burnt out#this piece was such a strain and i just#don't have patience for art rn#this is photobashed btw there's an actual photo of my typewriter under all those layers#i'm not about to spend 300 hours just to draw a typewriter from this angle kajshdjkasdh#ALSO ONE MORE THING CAN I JUST GUSH ABOUT THE ANASTASIA BROADWAY OKAY?!?!?!#I didn't realise until now that they made it way more historically inspired and i mean bruh BRUH#i have been having a recording of it playing on the background nonstop for like 3 days now#Vladimir Popov I want to inject you straight into my veins holy shit he is a perfect man
250 notes
·
View notes
Text
EPIC MICKEY REBRUSHED WOOOOOOOOOOOOO IT'S FINALLY HEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEERE!!!!! some epic mickey art to celebrate!!!
#yeesh has it really been 4 months since i last posted? I just haven't been drawing much guhhhh#also the first comic is adapting the novel! I just thought it'd be fun and I wanna continue!!#the thinner mickey comic was a friends idea oKAY I KNOW IT'S EDGY BUT I AM CRINGE AND I AM FREE OKAY?????#my art#epic mickey#epic mickey rebrushed#mickey mouse#oswald the lucky rabbit#i'm going to play rebrushed immediatley even though i've only got like 2 hours till class wooP
69 notes
·
View notes
Text
Alexa play Army Dreamers for me please-
#ivorycello#whitepine#whitepine ivory#Madi's art :>#BUT HI NO I LOVE HER??? SHE'S LITERALLY ME?????#I love her so much and I been meaning to draw her for a minute but I just finished episode 2 and like#I'm biting this series lovingly#ivory#so like hi gang Expect more Whitepine art AND parkciv art and maybe#I also need to finish drawings like actually lineart and shade them I haven't done that in a couple months I should take some of my parkciv#doodles and actually line those probably#I have so many things I wanna do AAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAA#so for now please take this okay okay
48 notes
·
View notes
Text
i have been thinking a lot about this show. everyday 💛💛
#i haven't stopped thinking about them i'm going insane i love them so much. and i need them to be okay. oughh#good omens#good omens spoilers#good omens 2#good omens art#good omens fanart#aziracrow#ineffable partners#ineffable bureaucracy#i finally got around to drawing them properly i have been sketching them like my life depends on it this past month
243 notes
·
View notes
Text
ummm. my fic is done.
#I mean it still needs a bit of editing but like after almost four months#the hell (writing) is finally over#it's clocking in at around 61k words rn and im tired#time to relax ((cry))#actually you know what. fuck it I'm gonna overshare about this a bit.#I've never written fic before#and besides that - this is the first thing I've sat down to write seriously in about ten years#and ten years ago I was just writing poetry and papers for college#(I don't mean 'just' in a bad way - I only mean that it's been a very different experience for me personally)#very protective over this fic in that it's been sitting in my lap and in my brain for a few months and I don't want to give too much away#so I've deliberately been vague with the marketing of it. because I want people to read and be surprised and experience it firsthand.#and I know it's supposed to be self-indulgent and writing should be about the process and not the results but#I hope people read it??? I've poured my soul into this thing. a bit. a lot. and I'm a simple creature who craves validation.#it's very personal yet at the same time I feel like I haven't done anything new or groundbreaking which. okay it's self-doubt saturday so.#I should ignore that feeling. anyyyyyyyyway.#I hope to post the first chapter in two weeks. crossing my fingers that I don't abort mission before then aaaaaahahaha#also comparison is the thief of joy etc etc etc#danny.xls#danny writes
39 notes
·
View notes
Note
i haven’t been actively in phandom since 2016 and i came across your anniversary theory the other day while trying to catch up, and since you originally wrote it in 2018 i was wondering if there’s been any new details in the meantime! (if this is okay to ask)
i'm so sorry but i'm medicated now
#jam replies#totally okay to ask! i just haven't been on my essay writing shit since i was kind of dying and unmedicated for that while#overmedicated for my adhd (they had me on 40 mg of adderall a day) and also having like.. a redbull a day#singapore trip 2017 overlapped w japhan and blackpool#they didn't go on trips in 2016 or 2018 bc of tour#2019 was the leadup to coming out and they didn't go on a trip in april so i was certain they“#*they'd come out & then they went to japan actually in the fall so like#the six month delay hasn't been necessary so there isn't ever going to be an update to the theory but if u wamt to see my past asks etc#you can check my#anniversary theory#tag
70 notes
·
View notes
Text
take care of you and yours, intermission pt2
#fic: take care of you and yours#wolfstar#jegulus#black brothers#sirius and regulus#sirius black#tw: suicide attempt#so this is quite sad#had this chapter in my head for like 10 months now#marauders fic#this chapter is a sad sirius character study#it could've been a lot more and i will probably write something like this again really diving deeper into sad sirius because god do i love#okay anyway#haven't posted in months and i'm rambling now i should shut up
7 notes
·
View notes
Text
ngl gang I finished both my dissociation fixation games and got a rejection letter for a job I was a shoe-in for after a month-long, three-pronged review/interview process and I am not having a great time
#finishing dredge's dlcs and dave the diver within the same week was a mistake#where am I gonna find another free chill game to dissolve into#at least daima's coming out friday that'll cure me probably#lays on the floor I am so so grateful for freelance and commissions I truly cannot overstate that#but I haven't had full-time work for what I actually do for a living in Nineteen Months because of stupid ass corporate greed#Ninteen Months of telling myself I'm still a member of this industry despite. No work.#And this rejection letter was for a fraction of what I do for a living. I got told they were very impressed and also I did not get the job.#Idk man like idek what it is I do for a living anymore bc I don't have a living anymore#I've been a member of my union for *four years* and I don't have a living anymore lol#anyway. /vent /negativity etc you get it#I've got stuff I need to work on and I'm beyond grateful for that. I'm just bummed out. I was so close to being okay again.#THIS CLOSE to having some semblance of stability.#icb I got scruffed an inch from the finish line on something that by all accounts I should've been overqualified to do#And both Ganondorf and Vegeta continue to be relatable and so real for having exhausted rage-induced breakdowns over that exact thing lol
9 notes
·
View notes
Text
appears looking at you with autism creature eyes. hello @sangerie your vs bros fankids (one of which i had a hand in making bc. glances at the reblogs/notes in @loopyarts post. i have confessed there fskakfafsga) are really really neat .u.
SPEAKING of loopyarts ty for allowing me to take inspo for nijis kids raid suit fit!! i really liked the softer yellow and the thicker lightning bolts on his pants you gave him so tysm for letting me yoink it <3
uh uhh individual pieces and also design/character rants under the cut bc. i wanna.
RAID SUIT RAMBLING TIME bc i spent the most time on those. also you might be asking 'why is only their hair rendered in those pieces?' well the answer is because i am Lazy. moving on . (/HJHJ i AM lazy but also rendering it further would mess up the colors and i didn't wanna do that lmao. carrying on..)
Ichiji's daughter i am so SO proud of her fit. i did not look up a reference or even inspo ideas at all, that all came from the ole noggin baybeee. anyways she is obviously based off a magical girl(s) fit bc she wants and DESERVES to be. also since Reiju doesn't have any kids of her own (based wine aunt) i also decided to let Little Red have some of her motifs instead of just purely Ichiji's!! primarily the 66 on her pants but also all the pink on her instead of just red :) and obviously she has her dads number and while she DOES have a (white? bc like daddy shes a special little princess /aff) cape i didn't include it here bc it looked reallly bad lmao. but she does have one tucked into the bow probably!! there she is, Sparkling Red Neo!!! (get it.. sparkling instead of sparking... bc magical girl.... im funny i think.) onto Little Ocean Boy
OKAY LET ME TALK ABOUT THE MOST MINISCULE YET MOST IMPORTANT DETAIL TO ME AND ME ALONE FIRST. that being the symbol on the brats belt. it was actually inspired/based off of this post which really stuck with me with me after reading it which i later realized was bc the "that something has been completely reversed" REMINDED ME OF THIS POST OF YOURS. i don't think im especially good at theory crafting but. idk i think there could be Something about how after judge came and turned germa into mercenaries their symbol turned from what once symbolized 'purity' into the skull of war mongers and then BACK to purity after 0124 get germa on the right path... poetry or smthn. ANYWAYS yah shoe shiners got a pretty basic fit bc like i said in the og ask, hes a sora warrior of the sea fan, once he saw the raidsuits irl methinks he'd want to stay pretty close to the og design. HOWEVER he refuses to drop the hat (much to Niji's dismay) and i came up with a reason besides 'its one piece and therefore there's GOTTA be a kid with a weird hat that they're attached to': and that is the fact that it hides his eyebrows. Little Red has the curly brows, all of Yonji's cabbage patch does too, and the brats the only one without. even if literally no one else notices or cares, he wants to hide the fact that he doesn't have em because it Separates him. and he doesn't want that. at all. he really, Really wants to be a part of this family (oh no i made it. angsty). ANYWAYS UHH YAYYY HE HAS A TWO ON HIS HAT (that he sewed on himself which is why i made sure you can see the stitch-lines) BC NIJIS HIS DAD WAHOO YIPPEE :D:D:D Dengeki Blue Neo: little shoe shiner edition!!
UHH second image is just a refined piece of that first doodle i sent you. with lineart and a better color pallet and all. actually looking at it again now i realize i forgot little brats freckles and i am now punching the air bc its too late to fix. just act like they're there. please :,,,) edit: nvm its the next morning i fixed that kjahsdah
i don't even have much to say about the last two because i Think i am Rightgksfjgasjkfa but for the third i think the brats a bad influence on Little Red especially. ALSO FOR THE FOURTH NO I DIDNT FORGET ICHIJIS TATTOO. I AM JUST LAZY. (and I also forgot his tattoo :]) ANOTHER edit: i also. fixed this :]
CHRIST i am incapable of contacting you on Tumblr via any way that includes anything less than 250 words i am so sorry sangerie.. i hope you like these tho cause i really do tbh :3 (PS you have to take literally NONE of what I said here [mostly about shoe shiner] as like.. canon about them?? these are YOUR ocs obvi so please, change Little Red's raidsuit design if you find it unappealing!! make shoe shiner have a backstory of your own!!! i hope that isnt weird or rude to say, i just thought it was important too bc i threw sm at you so strongly ^^' okay thats all tysm for reading this it means to world to me byebye <3)
#one piece#vinsmoke ichiji#vinsmoke niji#one piece ichiji#one piece niji#others ocs tag#vinsmoke siblings#my art#im so happy with how the raid suits especially turned out like i can't get over it#i haven't been truly proud of an art piece for MONTHS this is so refreshing#like this aint perfect in a lotta other places but that alone is carrying this for me#also sangerie i am SO sorry if it looks like im virtually stalking you fjagskdakfsfa first the trans vs sisters and now this..#i promise im not there's just not a lot of ppl in the Vinsmokes tags and you and your stuff is really cool 😭 im normal i prommy /irony#okay ive literally said enough in the post im shutting up now gday or gnight take care#OH WAIT YEAH throwing in a#scopohobia tw#scopophobia cw#bc little brats eyes are borin into ya#OKAY now gday/night <3<3
32 notes
·
View notes
Text
.
#okay so i think i haven't told this story to you guys but i've been thinking about it a lot waiting for the surgery day#(oh i guess content warnings for injury and animal death. idk all of this is pretty heavy stuff)#but when this dog was a puppy he broke his leg. quite badly actually#and for the following six months i was Convinced that both he and i had literally DIED#and the world around us just failed to recognize the blazing red Game Over text superimposed over my line of sight#so we - literal zombies still bleeding from our mortal wounds - had to perform the movements of being alive#this got better when the puppy was finally healed#but the flashbacks. the hallucinations. they followed me for years and years and only slowly faded away#and now when the dog is sick again - with something completely unrelated - those are coming back again! what fun!#and i don't know if i've ever been as scared of anything as actually for real losing this dog in a traumatic event#if he just dies this wednesday#like. probably he doesn't. most dogs survive the operation these days they say#but just the small chance of something going wrong#i don't know if i'll survive if he doesn't. how can i keep going if he doesn't#i'm scared you guys. this dog is the literal light of my life#(i was going to name him with the finnish word for light but that didn't stuck in the end. didn't make it any less true)#sussitalk
9 notes
·
View notes
Text
unrelated to sandwich blogging i feel so rough rn. the migraine bro. get it out of my me
#its like it was like hey lets roll all the ones from a month into one. woke up this morning and thought i was improving on day 2 and#now i feel soooooo much worse. rip.#okay i'll go portion out my casserole to freeze and then maybe i'll even go lay down.#i have actual plans tomorrow with my friend who i haven't been able to see in 6 weeks because i've been so busy doing essential#stuff and i do NOT want to have to cancel because of a migraine!!!!!!! :( :( :(
9 notes
·
View notes
Text
idk if anyone's mentioned this yet but in mythbusters, during blitz's hallucination besides the fact that his 'mark'(?) on his forehead is a broken heart [which i love how that mark changes based on who's 'viewing' him thru the series] but he also has a teardrop on his right side ik teardrop tattoos symbolize bodycounts in some situations, but i thought i was interesting that there's only one. blitz is obviously a hitman but to me that tear is symbolic of the only death he's ever caused that's affected him - his mom. wwwwwwwwwwwwwwhich also means to me that his dad is alive? and potentially may weasel his way into blitz's life as his business continues to take off.
#idk im sure so many people have already mentioned this#but i only got into helluva likeeeeeee last month?????#i'm a hermit by choice okay#helluva boss#blitzo#helluva theory#vivziepop#ignore me i haven't been 'involved' in any fandom since.......#one#direc#tion#i can't even type it in one tag#out of fear#like a hunter's gota scope on me
22 notes
·
View notes
Text
thinking really hard about logging into my old tumblr acc after being gone for like a year and a half cause i stumbled upon a post that led me to my old mutuals and i teared up a lil </3 but also i feel so ashamed i left without saying a word to anyone aaaa
#like i genuinely feel so bad for simply disappearing from people's lives :c#i used to talk to some of them daily and like even had plans to see one of them on holiday to another country?? like that level of close#and then well my mental health went to shit i took a semester off uni and disappeared from my irl friends' lives too for a good 6 months#some of my mutuals had my ig and we followed each other but i also haven't really been there much since dissappearing last year so#but i just snooped into some of their accounts and seeeing what they're up to made me want to talk to them sooo bad#everyone was so cool and kind and i miss them so much it's just i feel so guilty and also don't even know if i'm able to mantain constant#contact and conversations with people now. like it's been even hard for me to stay in touch with my irl friends aaa#why must my brain hate me so much and not let me socialize !! i used to be such an extroverted person what the fuck happened!!#i know some of them messaged me worried and i felt so guilty for not responding but i saw those dms when i was very much deppressed#so i never answered and now i feel like it's too late GOD!!#anyways at least it was nice snooping and seeing how they're doing i genuinely wish them only good things they're fucking great#maybe i just need to suck it up and just go back and talk to people again but i get so overwhelmed just thinking about it!!#okay it's like 4 am i'm posting this and maybe deleting it in the morning sorry for the rant i just am feeling a lot !!
4 notes
·
View notes
Text
on losing a mother
#yelling#s.poem#mom tag#poetry#okay to reblog#it's officially been over a year since the last time i saw my mom.#her skin was translucent paper thin and she looked so fragile in tht hospital bed but she was supposed to be getting better#and she did. for about a month.#she went back into the hospital 3 days after my birthday.#she stayed there for like 2 weeks and then died about a week after she checked herself out.#the last time she ever texted me was on my birthday. i waited two days to text back. and i never heard back from her.#the next time i saw her she was a pile of grey ashes in a plastic urn. she sits on my shelf now. i haven't gotten her a new urn yet.#i try not to feel guilty. there wasn't much i could do from a thousand miles away#but i still feel the guilt every day itching under my skin and screaming at me in my mind that i should have done better#that i should have been there for her#her phone number has since been given to someone else. i deactivated her facebook account. i cleaned out her apartment & threw away almost#all of her belongings.#i took photo albums. i took some jewelry - including the ring she wore as she was cremated. it survived the fire. the funeral home put it#in the urn with her ashes. i wear it sometimes just to feel like there's still a part of her with me.#but she's gone and i don't believe in an afterlife and neither did she#there's some comfort in knowing she is no longer in pain that she is no longer suffering#but i still sit here and i think of all the things i never got to tell her and the new things i want to tell her every single day#i never got to come out to her. not really. i never got to tell her that i understood what she went thru with my dad because i lived it too#anyways. sorry for going off in the tags. i'm okay i promise. just feeling a lot of feelings right now.
35 notes
·
View notes
Text
season 4B was SO fucking stupid. the dumbest thing ever. i have literally seen 5 year olds have better takes on ethics cause wtf was that dumpster fire. "oh no emma you killed someone now your heart is turning dark" GROW UP. everyone in that silly little town has killed someone but emma does it and all of a sudden killing bad??? i am so sure that snow and charming have killed so many people. there is no way you're hitting someone with the hilt of your sword and THEY'RE STANDING UP AND WALKING IT OFF AFTER THAT IDC IF THE GUARD WAS WEARING A HELMET OR WHATEVER. and it was literally self defence too??? like she wasn't doing an evil little laugh and rubbing her hands together and going hee hee i'm gonna kill someone like it was literally an accident. "oh no our unborn daughter has potential for being really good,,, or very evil" YOU MEAN LIKE ANY OTHER DAMN BABY??? THAT'S LITERALLY HOW FREE WILL WORKS???? SNOW AND CHARMING BEING GOOD DOESN'T MEAN THEIR DAUGHTER IS GONNA GROW UP TO BE PERFECT????
#i'd go on about the baby kidnapping but they didn't technically have free will so as much as it pains me i have to let it slide#but that was the dumbest thing ever too#because how were they completely okay with kidnapping a human woman's baby when they thought her baby was a lizard#like if a mother cares THAT much about her egg you'd think you'd think twice about kidnapping it#emma swan#david nolan#snow white#i think i need to clarify i'm not criticising snow or david at all like they were in a fantasy war like killing is bound to happen#ouat#once upon a time#i'd like to preemptively say that whoever disagrees with me is wrong#how is this for discourse#i honest to god haven't been able to stop thinking about this for months#i don't even mean this in a yay womens wrongs way#but i absolutely do support womens wrongs
25 notes
·
View notes