#haven't been okay for like a month
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drivingthesehillsaway · 1 year ago
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#just gonna rant in the tags a bit#cuz i am not okay#still not okay#haven't been okay for like a month#i don't know when or if i'll ever recover from my roommate moving out#cuz it's fucked me up honestly#it's brought up so many emotions for me#and made me suicidal for the first time in a long time#cuz apparently living with me is just asbad as living with xyr abusive parents was#because of my hoarding habits and inability to clean (caused by multiple disabilities and i try so hard)#and it just made me lose complete hope for the future#because how am i ever supposed to be able to live with people if i can't keep my stuff clean#and i don't think i can live by myself for too long#and i don't really want to live by myself#but how am i supposed to live with people if i'm so terrible to live with#so what kind of future do i even have#and my life is already so full of guilt#so knowing that i'm just as bad to live with as cyr abusive parents#and knowing that i was triggering xyr ptsd#just has fucking wrecked me#and i actually had a nervous breakdown on friday#my car gave out cuz the serpentine belt broke#and i literally had a nervous breakdown for two hours at work#and it wasn't because of my car#that was just the last straw#and it was the day before my roommate was moving out#and so i had my car and not knowing how much that was going to cost#and how much work i would be missing#on top of now needing to pay the full rent for my apartment#and i had to miss a whole week of work earier this month too
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territorial-utopia · 4 months ago
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Huzzah! It's birthday time! I'm slowly accumulating more and more things I like (latest additions this vest I made and a travel typewriter! Still need to fix the latter one though)
Sure has been a year.
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emrlden · 2 months ago
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EPIC MICKEY REBRUSHED WOOOOOOOOOOOOO IT'S FINALLY HEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEERE!!!!! some epic mickey art to celebrate!!!
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mbirnsings-71 · 14 days ago
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Alexa play Army Dreamers for me please-
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shadowhawthorn · 1 year ago
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i have been thinking a lot about this show. everyday 💛💛
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soupbtch · 6 months ago
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ummm. my fic is done.
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freckliedan · 1 year ago
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i haven’t been actively in phandom since 2016 and i came across your anniversary theory the other day while trying to catch up, and since you originally wrote it in 2018 i was wondering if there’s been any new details in the meantime! (if this is okay to ask)
i'm so sorry but i'm medicated now
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inevitablestars · 29 days ago
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take care of you and yours, intermission pt2
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shannonsketches · 1 month ago
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ngl gang I finished both my dissociation fixation games and got a rejection letter for a job I was a shoe-in for after a month-long, three-pronged review/interview process and I am not having a great time
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peachyanime · 1 year ago
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appears looking at you with autism creature eyes. hello @sangerie your vs bros fankids (one of which i had a hand in making bc. glances at the reblogs/notes in @loopyarts post. i have confessed there fskakfafsga) are really really neat .u.
SPEAKING of loopyarts ty for allowing me to take inspo for nijis kids raid suit fit!! i really liked the softer yellow and the thicker lightning bolts on his pants you gave him so tysm for letting me yoink it <3
uh uhh individual pieces and also design/character rants under the cut bc. i wanna.
RAID SUIT RAMBLING TIME bc i spent the most time on those. also you might be asking 'why is only their hair rendered in those pieces?' well the answer is because i am Lazy. moving on . (/HJHJ i AM lazy but also rendering it further would mess up the colors and i didn't wanna do that lmao. carrying on..)
Ichiji's daughter i am so SO proud of her fit. i did not look up a reference or even inspo ideas at all, that all came from the ole noggin baybeee. anyways she is obviously based off a magical girl(s) fit bc she wants and DESERVES to be. also since Reiju doesn't have any kids of her own (based wine aunt) i also decided to let Little Red have some of her motifs instead of just purely Ichiji's!! primarily the 66 on her pants but also all the pink on her instead of just red :) and obviously she has her dads number and while she DOES have a (white? bc like daddy shes a special little princess /aff) cape i didn't include it here bc it looked reallly bad lmao. but she does have one tucked into the bow probably!! there she is, Sparkling Red Neo!!! (get it.. sparkling instead of sparking... bc magical girl.... im funny i think.) onto Little Ocean Boy
OKAY LET ME TALK ABOUT THE MOST MINISCULE YET MOST IMPORTANT DETAIL TO ME AND ME ALONE FIRST. that being the symbol on the brats belt. it was actually inspired/based off of this post which really stuck with me with me after reading it which i later realized was bc the "that something has been completely reversed" REMINDED ME OF THIS POST OF YOURS. i don't think im especially good at theory crafting but. idk i think there could be Something about how after judge came and turned germa into mercenaries their symbol turned from what once symbolized 'purity' into the skull of war mongers and then BACK to purity after 0124 get germa on the right path... poetry or smthn. ANYWAYS yah shoe shiners got a pretty basic fit bc like i said in the og ask, hes a sora warrior of the sea fan, once he saw the raidsuits irl methinks he'd want to stay pretty close to the og design. HOWEVER he refuses to drop the hat (much to Niji's dismay) and i came up with a reason besides 'its one piece and therefore there's GOTTA be a kid with a weird hat that they're attached to': and that is the fact that it hides his eyebrows. Little Red has the curly brows, all of Yonji's cabbage patch does too, and the brats the only one without. even if literally no one else notices or cares, he wants to hide the fact that he doesn't have em because it Separates him. and he doesn't want that. at all. he really, Really wants to be a part of this family (oh no i made it. angsty). ANYWAYS UHH YAYYY HE HAS A TWO ON HIS HAT (that he sewed on himself which is why i made sure you can see the stitch-lines) BC NIJIS HIS DAD WAHOO YIPPEE :D:D:D Dengeki Blue Neo: little shoe shiner edition!!
UHH second image is just a refined piece of that first doodle i sent you. with lineart and a better color pallet and all. actually looking at it again now i realize i forgot little brats freckles and i am now punching the air bc its too late to fix. just act like they're there. please :,,,) edit: nvm its the next morning i fixed that kjahsdah
i don't even have much to say about the last two because i Think i am Rightgksfjgasjkfa but for the third i think the brats a bad influence on Little Red especially. ALSO FOR THE FOURTH NO I DIDNT FORGET ICHIJIS TATTOO. I AM JUST LAZY. (and I also forgot his tattoo :]) ANOTHER edit: i also. fixed this :]
CHRIST i am incapable of contacting you on Tumblr via any way that includes anything less than 250 words i am so sorry sangerie.. i hope you like these tho cause i really do tbh :3 (PS you have to take literally NONE of what I said here [mostly about shoe shiner] as like.. canon about them?? these are YOUR ocs obvi so please, change Little Red's raidsuit design if you find it unappealing!! make shoe shiner have a backstory of your own!!! i hope that isnt weird or rude to say, i just thought it was important too bc i threw sm at you so strongly ^^' okay thats all tysm for reading this it means to world to me byebye <3)
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varjopeura · 4 months ago
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b-blushes · 4 months ago
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unrelated to sandwich blogging i feel so rough rn. the migraine bro. get it out of my me
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fuckyndingus · 11 months ago
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idk if anyone's mentioned this yet but in mythbusters, during blitz's hallucination besides the fact that his 'mark'(?) on his forehead is a broken heart [which i love how that mark changes based on who's 'viewing' him thru the series] but he also has a teardrop on his right side ik teardrop tattoos symbolize bodycounts in some situations, but i thought i was interesting that there's only one. blitz is obviously a hitman but to me that tear is symbolic of the only death he's ever caused that's affected him - his mom. wwwwwwwwwwwwwwhich also means to me that his dad is alive? and potentially may weasel his way into blitz's life as his business continues to take off.
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deerest-deer · 1 month ago
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thinking really hard about logging into my old tumblr acc after being gone for like a year and a half cause i stumbled upon a post that led me to my old mutuals and i teared up a lil </3 but also i feel so ashamed i left without saying a word to anyone aaaa
#like i genuinely feel so bad for simply disappearing from people's lives :c#i used to talk to some of them daily and like even had plans to see one of them on holiday to another country?? like that level of close#and then well my mental health went to shit i took a semester off uni and disappeared from my irl friends' lives too for a good 6 months#some of my mutuals had my ig and we followed each other but i also haven't really been there much since dissappearing last year so#but i just snooped into some of their accounts and seeeing what they're up to made me want to talk to them sooo bad#everyone was so cool and kind and i miss them so much it's just i feel so guilty and also don't even know if i'm able to mantain constant#contact and conversations with people now. like it's been even hard for me to stay in touch with my irl friends aaa#why must my brain hate me so much and not let me socialize !! i used to be such an extroverted person what the fuck happened!!#i know some of them messaged me worried and i felt so guilty for not responding but i saw those dms when i was very much deppressed#so i never answered and now i feel like it's too late GOD!!#anyways at least it was nice snooping and seeing how they're doing i genuinely wish them only good things they're fucking great#maybe i just need to suck it up and just go back and talk to people again but i get so overwhelmed just thinking about it!!#okay it's like 4 am i'm posting this and maybe deleting it in the morning sorry for the rant i just am feeling a lot !!
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postgleeworld · 1 year ago
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on losing a mother
#yelling#s.poem#mom tag#poetry#okay to reblog#it's officially been over a year since the last time i saw my mom.#her skin was translucent paper thin and she looked so fragile in tht hospital bed but she was supposed to be getting better#and she did. for about a month.#she went back into the hospital 3 days after my birthday.#she stayed there for like 2 weeks and then died about a week after she checked herself out.#the last time she ever texted me was on my birthday. i waited two days to text back. and i never heard back from her.#the next time i saw her she was a pile of grey ashes in a plastic urn. she sits on my shelf now. i haven't gotten her a new urn yet.#i try not to feel guilty. there wasn't much i could do from a thousand miles away#but i still feel the guilt every day itching under my skin and screaming at me in my mind that i should have done better#that i should have been there for her#her phone number has since been given to someone else. i deactivated her facebook account. i cleaned out her apartment & threw away almost#all of her belongings.#i took photo albums. i took some jewelry - including the ring she wore as she was cremated. it survived the fire. the funeral home put it#in the urn with her ashes. i wear it sometimes just to feel like there's still a part of her with me.#but she's gone and i don't believe in an afterlife and neither did she#there's some comfort in knowing she is no longer in pain that she is no longer suffering#but i still sit here and i think of all the things i never got to tell her and the new things i want to tell her every single day#i never got to come out to her. not really. i never got to tell her that i understood what she went thru with my dad because i lived it too#anyways. sorry for going off in the tags. i'm okay i promise. just feeling a lot of feelings right now.
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caliburn-the-sword · 1 year ago
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season 4B was SO fucking stupid. the dumbest thing ever. i have literally seen 5 year olds have better takes on ethics cause wtf was that dumpster fire. "oh no emma you killed someone now your heart is turning dark" GROW UP. everyone in that silly little town has killed someone but emma does it and all of a sudden killing bad??? i am so sure that snow and charming have killed so many people. there is no way you're hitting someone with the hilt of your sword and THEY'RE STANDING UP AND WALKING IT OFF AFTER THAT IDC IF THE GUARD WAS WEARING A HELMET OR WHATEVER. and it was literally self defence too??? like she wasn't doing an evil little laugh and rubbing her hands together and going hee hee i'm gonna kill someone like it was literally an accident. "oh no our unborn daughter has potential for being really good,,, or very evil" YOU MEAN LIKE ANY OTHER DAMN BABY??? THAT'S LITERALLY HOW FREE WILL WORKS???? SNOW AND CHARMING BEING GOOD DOESN'T MEAN THEIR DAUGHTER IS GONNA GROW UP TO BE PERFECT????
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