#haven't been able to touch my WIPs for over a week now

[daydreamerwonderkid]

Once my imposter syndrome finally dies down, it's over for all you bitches

[chen-chen-chen-again-chen]

Friends! Hello, hi, hola! It's Wednesday and I'm here! I am finally, after several ice ages, slowly dipping my toes back into the world of My Good Egg, Good morning, good night, good morning AKA the SnowBaz kidnapping meet ugly/cute that turned into a dumb horny rom com.

Here's a snippet from Chapter 4 that I am honestly not sure will make it into the finished fic, but it's fun! Some info redacted for spoilers (if you haven't read Chapter 3):

“Does Simon know things?” Crowley, does Simon know the way that Baz has been lusting after him? Or how Baz has been - mooning over him? Which is more embarrassing?   “No, not necessarily. But he’s the easiest one for me to know, maybe because [REDACTED]. Like right now I know he’s still kind of hungry and he wishes we’d ordered more lime beef, and he’s worried you won’t want to have sex with him anymore because he used to be a disembodied chaos entity that was swallowing up all the magic in the world.”  “That’s-”  “I know you still want to have sex with him,” Winifred says, her gaze withering.

More musings about being back in this world behind the cut, but hello and thank you tags to folks who have tagged me in the past few weeks! (Months? Year?) @shemakesmeforget @ic3-que3n @bookish-bogwitch @nightimedreamersworld @j-nipper-95 @larkral @cutestkilla @aristocratic-otter @confused-bi-queer @imagineacoolusername @thewesterndoor

Y'all, past year has been... wild. It has been a journey. I looked back at this update post from October and then sort of laughed wildly, like, "Oh Baby Chen of the past, oh you sweet summer child."

But! I have finally been able to soften and ease myself back into this kind of writing. My Good Egg (as I call Good morning &c) has always been in the back of my mind, and I have felt so much shame and guilt about leaving that story hanging (see this post that feels like it was written in a different lifetime about why I don't usually post WIPs).

I facilitated a writers' circle yesterday and it was the most intensely fulfilling and joyful thing I have done in a very, very long time. And seeing the writers there, some of whom were sharing their work for the first time, being so fucking brave and honest and intimate and funny and revelatory and generous and so human, paying such loving attention to the world - it has helped me in this process of re-learning how to be brave with my own writing, again.

So here is a secret to tricking My Big Sad Brain. Instead of setting out with the goal "I am going to finish this fic," I am instead telling myself, "What if I just continue this process and see where it goes? What if I just try to get a little bit further than I was before? What if I just play with this silly little story, because it's fun and it gives me joy? What if I try to work out the questions through the story instead of trying to answer them?"

And that is helping, a lot. So as always a BIG THANK YOU to everyone who has touched this story in any way. Your kindness and lack of judgement and infinite patience is such a balm. I know that there are many who would say "You never need to finish it! Your health is more important!" or "Take as much time as you need!" And I am so, so grateful for that. I am so excited to share the rest of this story with you in the future.

Thank you. I love you all. ❤️❤️❤️

[nightimedreamersworld]

Dead Simon Darlings Sunday

Thank you for tagging me today, friends @cutestkilla @fatalfangirl @you-remind-me-of-the-babe @confused-bi-queer @bookish-bogwitch @forabeatofadrum ❤️ your snippets are lovely!

So, now that ELH is finally done, I'm back to my ongoing wip (the super angsty one, not the smut one lol). Sadly, I haven't been able to write at all this week, seeing as in the next two weeks I'll be having FIVE (5) exams, plus 3 group assignments I have to turn in (only one of which I've started...)

Anyway. You won't have to hear me whining about uni for much longer, tho, as the term will be done in two weeks. Then I'm finally free. Literally crawling towards my vacation 😩

For now, though- I'm going to follow the dead darlings trend and show you something I've cut off from this wip. (I honestly hate killing my darlings, but in this case there wasn't much I could do. The end of this chapter just felt flat and stretched thin, so I'll be reworking it with a different POV)

I reach out—in the split second before I touch him, it feels like there’s a current buzzing at the tips of my fingers, just waiting for the circuit to complete. But I pull my hand back before it shocks us both. Baz’s eyes are still closed, so he doesn’t notice. “I mean it, Baz. You’re forgiven. No hard feelings.”  He sniffs. Nods. “You don’t have to be sorry. I deserved it. I deserved much more.”  It’s my turn to shake my head. “You didn’t deserve any of this,” I tell him. He peeks at me through his fingers. “Really, Baz. I’m… sorry about your loss,” I say, and I feel like a deflating balloon as the words come out.  He finally looks up at me. He looks so… defeated. I don’t get it. I’ve been mulling over this for days, the things I’d say. The things that would make him feel better.  (But I guess better doesn’t begin to scratch the surface of Baz’s suffering. It’s like blowing air over a third-degree burn. Like putting a band-aid on an open fracture.)

(It also feels sort of wrong to have this section at this point in the story... like, Simon isn't in the headspace to be thinking like this, yet. So I might re-use some of these lines later on)

Tagging a few friends: @artsyunderstudy @ivelovedhimthroughworse @captain-aralias @whogaveyoupermission @whatevertheweather @hushed-chorus @supercutedinosaurs @stitchyqueer @iamamythologicalcreature @larkral @blackberrysummerblog @valeffelees @palimpsessed @prettygoododds @aristocratic-otter and anyone who'd like to share!

[pertinax--loculos]

2024 Goals

So, I know, I'm a little late for this given it's a solid week (or so) into the new year, but hey, better late than never, right?

My Real Life this year will primarily involve working to pass my course in order to become fully qualified in my new job. Fortunately, from about June onwards, that's going to give me a fair bit of time to work on writing, so I figured I'd try and put down some relatively specific goals regarding the WIPs I have.

My biggest issue with writing is finishing things. Since I joined writeblr, I've gone from having no WIPs in anything approaching a complete state, to three completed first drafts (Absent That Night, The Monstrosity, and Miles To Go) and one completed zero draft (Psyche Shards). That in itself in astonishing for me, but I'd also like to continue to work towards having 'publishable' (read: clean, cohesive, comprehensible) drafts. With that in mind, this year I am going to work on four projects.

Project One is going to be the Vibes WIP. This is my 'first draft' project, ie something I'm starting without a whole lot of words down. I'm also approaching it in a novel way for me (working from vibes), so it's somewhat of an experiment in that sense as well. This is the project aiming to feed my need for discovery and chucking in cool shit that occurs to me over the course of my life.

(It's also pretty heavily linked to my new job, which is part of the reason I've decided to make it a key project this year. Any luck I'll be able to twist most new ideas/inspiration to fit within the scope of what I'm writing. Plus the actual form of the WIP is experimental enough that I can probably chuck in other random inspirations as well and deal with it later.)

Project Two is Psyche Shards. I have a (pretty much) complete zero draft for this, so I'll say the aim is to finish draft 1.5. This will be another new experience, in that I'll be writing from what amounts to a detailed outline; something I've never done before. I hope it will help me to pin down a process that allows me to finish more WIPs -- if writing from the zero draft works to keep the wordcount down to something reasonable, and is faster than my normal sort of draft one, then it will help to inform how I approach WIPs from here on out.

(I should mention, regarding wordcount, that the zero draft is 27k words. Not sure if I've mentioned this before, but I am a chronic fucking overwriter. So I'm hoping that having what I need to put down in front of me will help quell that issue. There's also issues with the climax of this WIP I still need to work out, but I think beginning to draft it in earnest will be the only thing that will fully help with that.)

Project Three is Absent That Night. 🥳 I've been saying for, like, over two years now that I'm going to write a second draft of this beast, and it's becoming my white whale, so it's about time I knuckle down and give it a go. It's intimidating as fuck because of how much I need to change, but I owe it to Latrell to sort my shit out, because it's a story I would really like to tell, and I cannot write either of the two sequels I have planned if I haven't wrangled the first installment into something coherent.

Project Four is theoretical, and a project-of-grace I'm giving myself in case I'm smacked with inspiration that just won't go away. I am going to try and make this a relatively high bar, however. I have an 'inspo' document where I can jot down notes and vague ideas, and I'm going to primarily use that for new ideas. If something does persist and develops on its own without my having to take time to sit down and think about it, then I will allow my muse to take me where it will and consider it project four.

(Ideally, I'd like to close out this year without touching a Project Four. Because, as I said, my main problem is starting things and then not finishing them, and this sort of random inspiration is a key reason why that happens.)

So there it is! Three/four key projects that I would like to work on for this year. I don't yet have any dates or deadlines regarding them, because up until March work is going to take priority and I don't want to stress myself out too much with anything else going on. However, I'm hoping to do a monthly update for the start of the year letting people know where I'm at, and if/when I get properly into working on any of these projects I'll increase the frequency of updates and sharing.

Another goal I have is perpetual, which is to be more active on here. I'm working on actionable steps to make this a reality, however, and I hope that that will bear fruit. There are far too many amazing, talented people on my dash to not spend at least some time on here every week. So I apologise to people who like numbers and deadlines (I'm one of them!), but these more ambiguous goals are the way I need to be at this point, and I'm enjoying the way they're inspiring me regardless. ^_^

What are you all's goals for the new year? Feel free to let me know! I'm way behind on what everybody is doing and would love to be updated by anybody who's managed to read this far. :D

[whumblr]

What oc is living rent free in your head right now?

We want pictures! We want rambles! We want chunks of scenes and favorite lines! This is a vent-about-your-blorbo free card! Go wild!

Actually, I haven't been able to write for a week because ✨flu✨ and now they're all clawing up the wall bickering for attention. I rotate mentally through wips until someone else tugs at my sleeve and says 'mum says it's my turn on the pain machine'. So it's a bit of a chaos in my rent-free mindspace...

Jay and Zayne occupy most space rn in Zayne's (pretend to) be gay do crimes part 2.

Fingers roamed over his belt, dipped under to pull his shirt from his trousers and he felt the cold touch of the blade crawl over bare skin.

[cyberbumbles]

I haven't really posted in a while, part of the reason has just been that I haven't really cared much about posting online, the other half is just that over the last half a year that I felt really burnt out on art as a whole.

In the last week I upgraded my pc and in the process messed up and got my drive with all my art stored on it corrupted, I ended up having to wipe the drive completely. The backups for those files and for the majority of my art was also corrupted, and so I ended up losing the last 4 years of my art history. All of the base files were gone, and only the images I've shared online or with friends are what I could potentially scavenge to try and get everything back. I lost a lot of personal files though, and all the animation wips I had I'll never be able to work on again.

I'm thinking of posting again now, as for one as much as it kinda destroyed me, it also made me feel a bit more free as a lot of pieces I'd been struggling to pick up again or finish after months I could no longer touch. I also want an actual archive online for what I create and while I could continue to store what I have personally, I think I need to stop being so scared of putting myself out there properly.

Here's to the first active(hopefully) post of what is to be my new art history.

[hazard-and-friends]

Week 1

Socialization

Watching people and dogs politely when they pass (so so atm, a little wary of people and then warms up VERY fast, and over excited of dogs)

Exposure to different surfaces/regular outdoor objects (grass, mud, bark, weird trees, parking lots, storm drains, etc)

Car/truck watching (wary here as well)

Vet visit! Car ride, everything about being at the vet (strangers touching her, being manipulated, doing her new skills in a new location, smells, sounds, things in her mouth ears and ass, being taken back for shots & nasal spray...) etc etc etc

Household noises (garbage disposal, children/adults outdoors, dish washer, oven, microwave, electric kettle, white noise machine, every possible noise from computers, shower fan, etc). Have NOT done the vacuum yet.

Outside of the vet have met a couple people, a nice young man who lives across the hallway, and a woman + two of her kids (aged about 1 and 4) and STROLLER. Big victory all around for K'seil who thought this was all delightful once she thought about it.

Went to the park today and was exposed to LOTS of screamy children, a few strange dogs, adults chatting, playground equipment (visual only), etc etc etc.

In-home skills

Play with Hazard in the morning/afternoon can be largely uninterrupted, he's doing much better at handicapping himself. Evenings are still a struggle. She's not afraid of him at all anymore.

She does need to be supervised when she goes to interact with Penny. She's trying VERY hard to get her to play (play-bows and everything) and Penny is Not Interested.

Potty training is...coming along. We've yet to have a day without accidents. They're no longer entirely my fault (I mean, they are, but not because I'm delaying taking her out). The last couple days they've been more because she was busy and got distracted and peed. She's perfectly happy to pee/poop outside, anywhere as long as it's grass (sure), on leash, etc.

I now have a bucket inside her pen fastened so it's HARDER to tip over, and a "splash proof" bowl outside her pen. This has dramatically reduced the amount of digging behavior in water. I live in hope we'll be able to go back to the regular bowls by the time she's a teen.

She's good about going in/being put in her crate or pen--thus far I haven't put them on cue or gotten a voluntary entry, I'm mostly putting food in and releasing her to go in. Once in, she might fuss a bit (especially in the crate at night) but then passes out. Overnight she only fusses if she has to pee.

Reinforcement skills

Did not come with the ability to find food on the ground (lmao bless, I love babies), now knows how to do that and is getting better at finding treat scatters

Treat scatter will be on "find it" but that's a WIP

Knows both the clicker and "yes", and today was able to distinguish between two clickers (box vs button) and remember which one was 'hers'. Both refer to treat delivery from hand (or if you're FRAGILE and TENDER, on the ground).

Can work a snuffle mat and snoop, will introduce other treat dispensing puzzles next week

Worked out like, half of the kong with canned dog food. I'll try again with kibbles mixed in.

Tug is eh, she'll tug a bit but won't bring it back at all

Fetch is nonexistent 🤣

Can usually follow a tossed treat

Cues

Sit: Hand signal and verbal sometimes. Came preinstalled with sit as a mand behavior

Touch: Sometimes.

K'seil as a focus: MUCH better than it should be for the amount of work we've done tbh!

recall is currently pup-pup-pup-puppy!!! which she's very good at

[recurring-polynya]

Writing/Art Update 2/14/2023

Welp, the great "don't force myself to write when I don't wanna" experiment is over. I got real heckin' depressed and it was bad, so I started making myself write again, and it lifted. Perhaps it's a coincidence, I don't know, but this sort of holds with how the last four years of my life have been going. Trying to scrape dregs out of an empty jar isn't exactly fun, but it's what I gotta do, I guess.

Anyway, the good news is that I'm not being too mean to myself. I stole @bleachbleachbleach 's method of requiring myself to write one sentence on my WIP every day. I've managed to make it every day. One of the main things that happened (and this sort of thing always happens when I set goals) is that I realized that if I did only one sentence a day, it would take me forever to finish, which has pushed me to do more than the minimum. For the first few days of the week, I was doing about 100 words a day, which is still very paltry, but I think I've done more than that the last few days.

The thing I am working on is a story I started in 2019, which I have always been very fond of, except that it's a mess. The first paragraph is in a difference POV than the rest of it. It's mostly written in the present tense, except where it's not. Most importantly, it just sort of stops where I ran out of ideas. It's possible this was not the best possible project for me to dive into in my current mental state. I've been working on it, but I feel like it keeps getting worse 😂. Like, I re-wrote that first bit, and I just don't like it as much. Also, even though I know I should never, ever, never ever write in the present tense...I... think it works better that way? I'm seriously considering switching it back?? Also, it is primarily a world-building story, and as soon as I started on it, I realized that there were a bunch of holes in my world-building and it's been so hard to make any kind of decisions about anything. (I spent a week trying to figure out if this one guy has a wife or not. It seems like a thing I should just be able to decide except that it's also sort of the entire crux of the story)

At least I didn't have to start from nothing. The original story was about 2900 words, and my intuition is that the final product is going to end up between 5 and 10k. This is a great size for a story, the easiest size of story to write, and I'm honestly just mad that I'm so bad at all of this, and I'm worried that at the end of the day, the thing is gonna suck because I've lost my touch. Anyway, right now, it's 1768. It's nowhere near what I know I'm capable of when I'm on (when I'm really fucking on), but I'm faking it 'cause I have to, and it's going okay, I guess.

I don't know what's up with my art, either! I just don't really have any ideas I'm excited about! I did a tutorial this week with some pastel brushes, and then I turned around and did a Valentine's Day art project with the same brushes. I feel like it's probably a good time to do some skillbuilding, but, man, skillbuilding kinda sucks. 😂

The one good thing that did happen this week is that I finally made a decent loaf of sourdough! Look at these guys!!

They were so springy and good in the middle and nice and crusty on the outside! The secret turned out to be a combination of getting my starter more active generally, and actually following an every-six-hour feeding schedule the day before I baked it (the last feeding was ten hours because it was overnight and I had to get my kid off to school in the morning) It was 100% naturally leavened (no commercial yeast at all). I followed this King Arthur recipe.

The discard recipe of the week was Little Spoon Farm Blueberry Muffins, which were every bit as good as the recipe promised, if you like sweet, cakey, grocery-store style muffins. Little Spoon Farm is becoming my go-to for discard recipes, they haven't missed yet.

[freckleslikestars]

For the asks: 9, 12, and 16! :DDDD

9. Do you believe in ghosts? This isn’t about writing I just wanna know

Okay this is a really loaded question because I was raised by two people who both believed in ghosts but in very different ways, which I don't really wanna go into for reasons^tm and so I grew up being like 'uh ghosts don't exist that's so fucking stupid hashtag science.' but the house I grew up in was haunted - like footsteps across the landing, things going missing and then being returned, shadows moving and stuff. And, sure, fine, as an adult I kinda just brushed that off as my young mind dealing with a not-great household and living situation. And then I started working in my current workplace.

hoo boy.

So, I work in a basement of a building that was built in 1865 and is definitely haunted. Like, we all see the people wandering about down there when there are no customers in. There's a little white terrier that runs in front of the bar. There's a young lady who likes to say our names. And like...most of the ghosts are friendly - they turn lights off for us when we forget, they keep us company, they're all right. But there are three times when things haven't felt right, and I'll list them chronologically.

the first time was when my manager was working in the office cashing up on his own. He'd locked the doors and windows, there was definitely nobody in there, and when he was just about done, the lights all flicked off and a young girls voice screamed 'help me, please, stop them.' I've seen the CCTV footage of him sitting calmly, then all of a sudden the lights going out and him bolting out of there.

The second time was over the first lockdown. Nobody had been in in a week, and my manager gets a call from the security company saying all the motion alarms had been triggered, and someone needed to go check. So he goes in and nothings been touched. The doors are all locked, the lights are all off. So he goes into the office and rewinds the CCTV and in the bottom corner of each camera screen a green dot appears when there's motion in frame, and you can track, from the front door, all the way to the office, the motion alarms triggering, one by one, at the speed of someone casually walking through, but nothing moves on the screen. It's fucking spooky.

the third time was about a month or so ago. We're closing down, and it's just my manager, myself and the other bartender, and we're on the second to last batch of glasses in the washer when my manager and I both see something move down the back corridor. Now, I made sure the door was locked when I let the last customer out, but we have to check because we can hardly have people wandering around. So my manager goes out to check. And we're being jovial and joking until he comes sprinting back and with the most nonchalant expression is just like 'uhhhh so I'm not going back in there, but there's a guy sat in the armchair in the far corner of the dance room' and like he looks pale and spooked and we kinda laugh it off, but also if there really is a guy we have to get him out for obvious reasons. So we decide to go through, all of us together. And yeah, he's right, over in the far corner, in the shadow, is a guy sat in the armchair. And the room feels oppressive and heavy but I'm like...no it's just a trick of the light. I made it half way across the room before the temperature dropped so much that I could see my breath, and I had sudden, shooting chestpains. At which point I turned on my heels and dragged the other two out. That was when we called my dad and stood outside waiting for him to pick us up rather than waiting inside in the warm.

So, long story short...yeah i believe in ghosts.

12. If a genie offered you three writing wishes, what would they be? Btw if you wish for more wishes the genie turns all your current WIPs into Lorem Ipsum, I don’t make the rules.

Never having writer's block

always being able to think of and spell the word that's just on the tip of my tongue

always being able to come up with a good title and a quick, pithy summary.

16. What’s the weirdest thing you’ve ever used as a bookmark?

I don't use actual bookmarks, so I guess everything I use is a little weird. Also, in unimportant books (read: books that haven't cost me a fortune and aren't special editions) and books that are mine and not borrowed, I tend to dogear because I lose bookmarks constantly (hello adhd) like...I'll put a bookmark down whilst I'm reading and then forget where I put it and have to find something else to use. It's really bad. ummm...I use playing cards a lot. old photos. receipts. bus tickets used to be a common one. scraps of fabric. I once used the flattened box of a toothpaste tube. teabag wrapper. I used a condom as a bookmark once (still in it's foil). pocketbook of matches. Okay actually some of those are quite weird, yeah.

[chemicalarospec]

Jan-u-finish-your-WIPs January tentative schedule for myself

Pre-Goal: "(It's Never A) Normal Christmas (With Stefan!)" I'd love to post this on Christmas. I'm rather fond of the festive aesthetic but haven't written a Christmas fic before. It DOES have a full vague structure plotted out so I can probably get it done before JanufinishyourWIPs January starts.

First order of business: "JSchlatt vs the Toymaker" This fic really just needs some finishing touches that I've been unmotivated to sit down and bang out. Current wordcount: 1k Expected final: 1.3k Expected time needed: one or two days

Second order of business: "The Truthful Confessions of Light Yagami  (I spent my whole life lying, I just got caught)" With a title longer than a Fall Out Boy song, I've been sitting on this fic for nearly two years. I've made ao3 drafts for it twice. I'm been at "almost posting" for a year at this point. Current wordcount: 6.7k Expected final: 6.7k Expected time needed: 3-4 days

Third order of business: untitled Gabilliam librarian!william AU Now I hope to continue working on this actively but in the likely even that I don't post it before January, I'll slot it in here. Current wordcount: 3.8k Expected final: around 5k Expected time needed: 4ish days. It needs a lot of shoring up at the end.

Fourth order of business: "The weather is perfect on the day that you die (don't believe me)" Oh this one's a mess. But it's the companion to the Light fic so I'd like to get it out there if I can. Current wordcount: 4k Expected final: 4.5k Expected time needed: a week if we're being real. I have color-coded highlights in the document. It's that bad.

Fifth order of silliness (getting into the "I probably won't reach this" zone): working title "Yagami shenshi" aka the gentlemen fic Of the TEN fics (or fic-like little things... Death Note truly gripped my brain in a unique way) I started during Chem's Death Note arc, this was the third most likely and, by the end, the last one I thought I would be able to publish. Current wordcount: 3.6k Expected final: maybe 5k? Expected time needed: 4-5 days. it's a mess but it's crack so it shouldn't be a slog to clean up

Dessert (bonus if I finish all my goals): "Lovely England Forum" save me AP Lit final project, save me... I always thought this would be fun to add in some outtakes and post to Ao3, and I had actually intended to do so over the summer and kind of forgot until now. Current wordcount 4.3k Expected final: 6k+ depending on how inspired I get I'll just work on it until I go back to college.

Alright! Tune in in January to see if I can finish my WIPs, and feel free to join in the challenge in any way you'd like!

[serickswrites]

Um are your asks open?

If so then I have a request?

Caretaker and team finally make it to whumpee. Except, it’s been years and whumpee is nothing more than a husk. They don’t even realize that they’re being rescued. They don’t move or make any noise, they’re just a still husk, from years and years of torture.

Asks are always open, dear anon! I have a pretty hefty queue going (I write in bursts here so I can be more consistent with my work on giant wip). And you can always make a request! So happy to get asks/requests!

I have written so pieces (ish) and have one in progress that kinda gets to this. But I haven't written this expressly. Well except for 52 Weeks

Please enjoy this (I hope it's what you are looking for!)

Warnings: captivity, restraints, referenced torture, rescue

Caretaker burst through the only door that was locked in the compound. Whumpee had to be here. There was no way they weren't. At last. At last they would be able to hold Whumpee again. Kiss Whumpee again. Have Whumpee again.

Whumper had snatched Whumpee on a mission over a year ago. Over a year of being who knows what by Whumper. Over a year of Caretaker and the team searching. Over a year of being unsuccessful. Over a year of longing and despair. And it was finally over.

Teammate Three had been the one to locate Whumper's compound. Teammate Two had led the charge in. And Teammate One had dispatched Whumper.

And now Caretaker was leading the way to finding Whumpee. To getting Whumpee back.

Caretaker's eyes roved through the room, searching for any sign of Whumpee. "Whumpee?" They called. As Caretaker walked through the dingy, dark room, they feared they had been wrong. That Whumpee was gone. That Whumper had killed them long ago.

Caretaker froze as they heard a snuffling sound. They searched the room for the source of the sound, ears straining to catch a hint of the sound. Their eyes landed on a pile of rags.

Only piles of rags don't breathe. Don't curl into a ball tighter as footsteps approach. "Whumpee! Whumpee! It's me!" Caretaker shouted as they reached Whumpee, hand going to touch Whumpee.

Whumpee didn't move. Didn't respond. They just continued to curl into their ball, breath coming in snuffling gasps.

"Whumpee, darling, I'm here. I've got you." Caretaker reached out to Whumpee again, hands gently wrapping around Whumpee.

Whumpee was still in their arms. Didn't acknowledge their presence. Just breathed and curled into their ball tighter.

"I've got you. You're safe. I've got you, Whumpee," Caretaker murmured gently as they lifted Whumpee into their arms. And still, Whumpee didn't respond.

[vvettell]

2020 sewis!!!! Although we are spoiled for choice here

waahhh the fic i feel the most protective over tbh even though i'm gonna be insanely late with posting this lmao but the "he always cheered me up and motivated me to continue" dropped and i lost it and had to write a fic over the whole year for it and actually started it in december 2020 and still haven't finished skdjfsdf

although i have to admit that after seb's announcement i was like is it even worth writing a longish fic where lewis drags seb through 2020 when he's leaving 2 years later anyway??

anyway here's a part from their first phone call after the ferrari news goes public

wip asks!!

A postcard with „Greetings from Heppenheim!“ written in the centre of it finds its way into his post box. He grins looking at all the oversaturated pictures of his hometown and his smile turns wistful when he turns the card around and reads the short message in his mother’s handwriting. He hangs it up on the fridge with the last free magnet and decides to call her later.

He turns to walk back into the living room when his eyes catch on the plant Fabian brought with him last week. It’s a frail looking thing and he is not entirely sure he will be able to save it, the bottom leaves that are touching the soil are turning gooey and grey, while some other leaves are starting to turn brown and dry, but he’s certainly going to try. While he likes gardening and plants, he’s neither sure what kind of plant this one is exactly, nor how much light and water it needs, so the plant doesn’t look much better now than it did a week ago. He needs to do some research. There must be some identification keys online somewhere.

For a moment he stands still in the hallway, tapping his index against the doorframe, contemplating if it might be better to get his laptop out of his office for this. He pushes his tongue into his cheek, takes the little potted plant with him, and walks into the living room instead. Sighing deeply, he sinks into the sofa, grabs his phone out of his pocket and unlocks it. The browser was already open from earlier and he deletes his last search and starts again.

He's about to open the first result that isn’t an ad when the screen suddenly changes with an incoming call. Lewis Hamilton.

Sebastian pauses, then moves his thumbs out of the way to look at the screen in its entirety. He keeps staring at the name, a little surprised, a little indecisive. The phone is still ringing and waiting for him to either add it to the ever-growing pile of calls he didn’t pick up in the last 2 weeks or answer it.

Sebastian doesn’t know why it’s that particular call that’s the first one he picks up in days, but before he can think too much about it, he hits the green button.

“Lewis?” Sebastian asks, the corners of his mouth twisting upwards.

“Hey, man,” Lewis says and Sebastian can hear the smile in his voice. The sound immediately brings memories with it, some older, some newer. He didn’t realise how long it’s been since he heard it until now.  “Finally you’re picking up your damn phone.”

“Why?” Sebastian says. “Were you trying to reach me or something?”

“Yeah, you could frigging say that,” Lewis says, somewhere between amused and exasperated.

 “You should have sent me a letter then. I check my post box every day. Sometimes even twice. I got a post card just today.”

“I’m not sending you a damn letter,” Lewis laughs. “Those are more your thing. I’m gonna text you like a normal person.”

Sebastian grins, tilting his head to the left, sinking deeper into the couch and putting his feet on the coffee table.

“Wow,” he says, stretching the word much more than necessary, “you could have just told me you hated my Christmas letters. See if you get any more of them.”

“No,” Lewis says, raising his voice a decibel, more serious, “I don’t hate them. I still have them all in my office, actually. So don’t even think about it.”

Sebastian didn’t know that. In fact, he’s always wondered if Lewis even read them since he never got a reply to any of them. Now, the thought seems silly. He switches the phone from his right hand to his left one.

“Okay. I won’t.” Sebastian quietly, almost adds a promise. He doesn’t know why he stops himself from saying it.

He leans his head back on the couch, looking at his white ceiling and the way the sunlight coming in through the windows hits it, casting shapes of flowers and leaves. He hears Lewis inhale deeply on the other end of the line.

“How are you doing, Lewis?”

“Shouldn’t I be the one asking you that?”

“I don’t know, are you?”

Lewis huffs a laugh. “Seriously, Seb. How are you? How are things?”

“Oh, you know,” Sebastian says, crossing one leg over the other. “I got fired and we’re in a pandemic but other than that I’m having the time of my life.”

[inevitably-johnlocked]

Do you know of any fics that have John at the Surgery in them? It wasn't really explored in the show so... it can be just like one scene within a larger fic, but I haven't been able to find any fics with this. TIA

Hey Lovely!

Ahhhh you know, I have a lot of fics where he’s at the surgery, but I’ll be damned if I can remember them all!!! Here’re the ones I do remember! <3 Please add your own fics, my friends, if your fic is in the Surgery!

JOHN AT THE SURGERY

See Also: 

Hospital Fics

Hospitals Pt 2

Doctor / Caretaker John 

Doctor / Caretaker John Pt. 2 

Doctor / Caretaker John Pt. 3 

Doctor / Caretaker John Pt. 4

Excerpts from Purgatory by reapersun, what_alchemy (E, 5,829 w., 1 Ch. || Post-TRF, Doctor John, Reunion Fic, Rough Sex, Angry Sex, Bottomlock, Fic with Pics)  – John serves community service in homeless shelters for chinning the superintendent. Unbeknownst to him, the Homeless Network has his back.

The doctor is in by PlainJane (E, 7,581 w., 1 Ch. || Omegaverse || Sex Therapist, Anal, Hand Jobs, Frottage, Virgin Sherlock) – Sherlock is a young alpha with an aversion to his cycle. John is a gender medicine specialist. Nothing could possibly go wrong... Part 1 of Doctors and detectives

The Acronym by DancingGrimm (T, 15,057 w., 12 Ch. || Humour) – "'Bee Ay Em Eff'. Hm, that's a new one on me. Do you know what it means, Sherlock?" John might not know what it means, but there are many little ways in which he proves the acronym suits him.

The Midas Touch by flawedamythyst (E, 32,231 w., 1 Ch. || Magical Realism, John has a Magical Cock, Dub Con, Healer John) – John Watson has a medical condition that means everyone he sleeps with is instantly healed of all illness and injury. This causes complications when Sherlock breaks his arm, and even more complications when Sherlock falls in love with him. Yes, this is a story where John has a literal magic healing cock. It's a lot less cracky than you're probably imagining. Warning: Contains complex issues of sexual consent, although not between Sherlock and John.

A Week is Just Seven Days Isn't It? by scifigrl47 (T, 39,906 w., 4 Ch. || Humour, Friendship/Bromance, Stroppy/Bored Sherlock, Undercover/Army John, Texting, Pining-ish Sherlock, John Whump) – When John heads overseas for a week, Sherlock's forced to fend for himself. It goes about as well as anyone could have anticipated. Which is to say, very, very poorly. Don't worry, things'll be fine in just seven days.

The Hollow Woman by ScopesMonkey (M, 51,335 w., 22 Ch. || Post-TRF, Major Character Death, Mystery, Romance, Friendship, Family, Angst, Crime, Reunion, First Kiss / Time, Nightmares, Doctor John, Jealous Sherlock, Jealous John, BAMF John, Angry John, Dub-Con, Rough Sex, Bottomlock, Possessive John, Villain Mary, Open Ending) – Forced to return to London sooner than expected, Sherlock falls into a case too close to home. Part 1 of the Hollowverse series

Gold Rush by ShirleyCarlton (E, 71,783 w., 17 Ch. || Post S3 / No Mary, Friends to Lovers, Mentions of Past Sexual Abuse, First Kiss, Case Fic, Slow Burn, Alternating POV, Switchlock, Angst with Happy Ending, Marriage Proposal, Implied/Referenced Child Abuse, Abduction, Anxious/Insecure Sherlock, Miscommunication, Emotional Lovemaking) – John has divorced Mary and pops round to 221B one evening to find Sherlock in the middle of a case. As Sherlock tries to find the identity of a young woman’s stalker, John realises he can no longer deny his feelings for Sherlock – which then, to their befuddlement, turn out to be mutual. Shy kisses and tentative embraces ensue. But will Sherlock be able to cast off a shadow from his past that he thinks might prevent John from wanting to stay?

Kintsukuroi by sussexbound (E, 91,823 w., 20 Ch. || S4 Compliant / Post-TLD, Grief / Mourning, PTSD, Internalized Homophobia, Therapy, Past Abuse, Alcohol Abuse, Nightmares, Emotional Hurt/Comfort, Depression, Anxiety, Bed Sharing, Love Confessions, Cuddling, Suicidal Ideation, Masturbation, Minor Character Death, Sexting, Frottage, Inexperienced Sherlock, Rimming / Anal / BJ’s, Emotional Turmoil, Finding Each Other) – “I love you.” Sherlock sees the words hit John with almost physical force. He reels back a little, jaw twitching and eyes filling. “I love you,” he repeats, a little softer, a little more gentle, as earnest as he possibly can. Because they’ve been teetering on the brink of this thing for years, and it had become painfully obvious over the last few months that they were at a tipping point. This had to happen. Now it has. Now they can see where they end up. The tears in John’s eyes spill over, and he wipes at them angrily. “Do you even know what that means?”  

Against the Rest of the World by SilentAuror (E, 151,714 w., 20 Ch. || PODFIC AVAILABLE || Post-TRF, Hiatus Fic, POV First Person Sherlock, Present Tense, First Kiss/Time, Big Brother Mycroft, Escaping from Capture, Soft Sherlock, Toplock, Insecurity, Infidelity, Travelling, Introspection, Pining Sherlock, Depression, Fantasies, Yearning for the Past, PTSD Sherlock, Suicidal Ideation) – Sherlock has been away from London for nine hundred and twelve days and counting, and has no idea what sort of reception to expect when he finally returns.

The Quiet Man by ivyblossom (E, 157,369 w., 58 Ch. || Post-TRF, John First POV, Grief/Mourning, Angst, Present Tense, Imaginary Sherlock) – "Do you just carry on talking when I'm away?"

MARKED FOR LATER (tagged with “Surgery”)

Milk, the Flu, and Harry by Inactive Account (sassybleu) (M, 1,609 w., 1 Ch. || Insecure Sherlock, Understanding John, Angst with Happy Ending, Sherlock’s Called ‘Freak’) – John leaves Sherlock for a few days (angsty) John says things he doesn’t mean (“you’re a freak”) Sherlock thinks he deserves it (he’s insecure) and packs John’s bags for him while he’s gone. John is to blame (bad day at surgery-Sherlock being Sherlock; he’s frustrated and snaps)

Inhale With Ease by Vulpesmellifera (E, 25,989 w., 8 Ch. || S4 Divergence, Covid-19/Quarantine, Jealous John, Love Letters, Victor Trevor, Divorce, Angst with Happy Ending) – In the years after Vivian Norbury's capture, life seems to work out just as John planned. He's got that respectable job at the surgery and goes home to his wife and child. He joins Sherlock on cases a couple times per week. It's a rhythm he can live with - just enough adrenaline highs to balance out the drudgery of a normal bloke's life. Until a pandemic, and Victor Trevor, arrive in London.

Turned - Part I : Queen and Country by saintscully (E, 76,008 w., 20 Ch. || HLV Divergence / No TAB, Graphic Sherlock/OC, Spy Sherlock, PTSD, Internalized Homophobia, Army Homophobia, Emotional Infidelity, Physical Infidelity, Slow Burn, Emotional Manipulation, Eventual Johnlock) – Moriarty’s message never gets broadcasted. The airplane taking Sherlock away never returns.As rumours begin to swirl about a British POW found alive in Gaza ten months later, Mycroft shows up at John’s surgery with some good news: Sherlock is alive, and he’s coming back. In this story, inspired by ‘Homeland’ and ‘Prisoners of War’, John and Sherlock are left with no choice but to re-examine everything about their relationship since Sherlock’s fall. Part 1 of the Turned series

You Go To My Head Series by 7PercentSolution and J_Baillier (E, 937,347+ w. across 22 Stories || Series WiP || Surgeon AU || Medical Realism, Autism Spectrum, Anaesthetist John / Neurosurgeon Sherlock, Friends to Lovers, Pining, Addiction, Angst, Slow Burn, PTSD, Pining, Insecurity, Additional Tags Under Link) – This series is an alternate universe one, featuring the exciting medical and romantic adventures of doctors Watson and Holmes. (I haven’t read this one, but JUDGING by the topic of these stories, I imagine there’s a lot of surgery scenes lol)

[bekkachaos]

For ask game - 3, 11 and 37 🥰

3. Is there a trope you wouldn’t touch with a ten foot pole?

Nothing specifically comes to mind other than like, obvious no-nos. Although any trope where fulfilling it would drastically change the fundamental aspects of the character/s I just can't do.

11. Is writing your passion or just a fun hobby?

I mean, why not both? It's always been something I've wanted to do, ever since I was a kid I've wanted to write. But it's also fun (mostly once I've finished writing the thing and can be happy about it 😅). It is a fun passion that I don't think I'd ever be able to stop!

37. Talk about your current wips.

Well thank you for asking Nonnie! I have so many, it's silly, I need to focus on one! But here are some of them:

Buddie

Now I'm new to Buddie, I haven't published any but I have started 3 fics now just to get ideas out of my head!

Grey's Anatomy AU (untitled) - this will be a beast, I've got a hell of a lot of notes already, started my Grey's re-run for inspiration, and 6k words under my belt. Dr Eddie Diaz (aka Dr Dreamy) and intern Buck are burned into my brain already.

Fire up the night (something's burning in me) - this is a story where Buck and Eddie hook up, both a little tipsy, but then Eddie avoids talking about it with Buck because he's scared of changing things, scared of what the whole encounter made him feel and what that means. Buck gets discouraged, and he feels like Eddie regrets it and is embarrassed by it, so he patches things up as best he can and they go on not talking about it, but it doesn't go back to normal. There's going to be a lot of therapy sessions and they're both going on self discovery journeys. Slow burn and miscommunication (aka boys please just tell each other how you feel)!

I think that you (and I) should lose clothing - the 118 attend a rescue at a bar, and the manager thanks them by comping them tickets to the show later in the week. Only he fails to mention the show is a striptease, with the lead being the hottest thing Eddie has ever seen, and the man is stripping out of a fireman's uniform of all things.

Malex

Groundhog Day AU (you're gonna be the one that saves me) - I've been working in the next chapter of this fic where Michael wakes up, meets Alex Manes and has the best date with him, it's perfect and he can't stop thinking about him. So he wakes up the next day and goes to see him, but Alex doesn't remember who he is. He realises that he's woken up on Friday again, repeating the day over and over, and what better way to spend the day that trying to get Alex to fall for him again?

Accompanying Fics for An Oasis in the Stars - I have notes and rough ideas for a series of mini fics set in the universe where the humans crash land on the oasis. Each one would follow a different character (the main fic having centred around Alex and how he was falling for Michael). I'm thinking three mini fics, one each for Liz, Kyle and Michael.

[weebsinstash]

Hey sorry to pester you and feel free to ignore this if it's annoying or 12 billion people have already asked but how far percentage-wise are you in writing the new chapter for BOAL? Sorry if this is annoying 😭

Gosh dude I keep trying to answer this ask without making it hella long by adding all these unnecessary details about "oh I feel bad I haven't written in ages blah blah blah, been prescribed new meds that might be helping, something something I just had my surgery for my other leg so hopefully I'll get something written while I'm being a sloth and recovering" so on so forth

Basically I've been real ass unproductive, I keep having these not-sure-if-it's-mania-but-could-be-mania emotional upswings and downswings where I'm either making so many WIPs I don't know what to work on to just. not doing shit, and obviously that's just in terms of writing. I've been having other personal issues that I've touched on before in probably a little too much detail 😅

Anyways, imma be honest and say The Storm is like, maybe slightly over halfway done, with the next chapter being, gosh, mostly unwritten. There have been some tweaks and shit done just off the cuff along the way which is another reason I haven't been super proactive in writing just because I kinda worry im going to dig myself a hole of inconsistent writing and odd choices and having to change things to be consistent because I didn't fully think an earlier decision through or--- basically im massively overthinking it and kneecapping my potential with anxiety

But I've actually been thinking about the series and just writing in general a lot lately so. No promises but I hope to get SOMETHING worked on soon because I do really like writing 🥺 also like im unemployed right now which isn't great obviously but for my mental health it's been pretty good so... yeah! Hopefully I get something out eventually. I'm in a leg cast for at least 4 weeks so that's at least 4 weeks of me being able to take it easy and hopefully get some shit done

So yeah! These upcoming chapters are going to have a lot of emotion and action in them and I have to kind of find the balance to strike with that, which has been, uh, intimidating for me. But yeah! I just need to tell myself I'm writing as a hobby and it's not like I'm writing a college paper or an academic essay lr something and that I gotta stop always trying to like. I dunno. Try and make my stuff as "perfect" as possible

Also like sometimes the performances of being a content creator gets exhausting so I kind of needed a break from that for a few months. Obviously I know I don't have to and I'm not required or obligated or being forced but I feel guilty when I "can't provide for my following" and then that can develop into like, weird habits and mindsets of putting the pleasure of internet strangers above myself when I'm literally writing for my own enjoyment and really the point of publishing it is just so I can be told "oh this was fun to read, good job!" to get extra enjoyment out of what I've written

But yeah dude you're not being annoying! I think I needed a break from writing and publishing for a while and im trying to ease back into it at a comfortable pace so I don't get overwhelmed so... I guess stay tuned and hopefully something will happen soon 😌

[youremeimyou]

Old Lovers

pairing: Min Yoongi x reader genre: angst with sprinkles of fluff, ex-boyfriend au word count: almost 5k warning: some passionate kissing

Description: Min Yoongi is your ex-boyfriend that you’ve parted ways not on the greatest of terms with. But in the makings of a mixtape, somethings will be rekindled. Will it be friendship or maybe more?

A/N: I’ve started writing this so long ago but only recently got to finish it. I haven’t been able to post any fics in a while even though I’ve got a lot of wip. I’m graduating uni and my life’s basically a chaos right now. But I liked writing this a lot. I hope you enjoy! Please let me know what you think of it :) [posting again cuz it’s not showing on tags ughh]

Going back to school has never been this painful to you before. Of course assingments, exams and longer than necessary lectures were always there to welcome you back to hell every year but no new semester intimidated you quite like this one does. Especially after the very much disconnected summer break you had.

Spending the summer in your hometown of Gwangju was a rushed decision that was actually forced upon you at the time. But it turned out to be exactly what you needed. At least, Hoseok made sure that it was. Being your life-long friend, he took matters into his own hands when you couldn't pull yourself together after the rough patch you've been through. The Hoseok-ie rule he called it: No getting in touch with anyone in Seoul. And while it was a little hard not reaching out to close friends in Seoul, you couldn't risk breaking the Hoseok-ie rule. He's sweet and you love him but that guy is one scary motherfucker when he's pissed.

Now, summertime's over and you're definetely not prepared to face your demons. It doesn't help that Hoseok's classes aren't starting until next week, either. That means you have to go through this alone.

On your way from the subway station to the campus, you check the new weekly schedule once more and it makes you let out a dissappointed huff. You can't blame anyone. You made this schedule. But do you have any idea why you decided to put music theory at 9 in the morning while you were making it? No.

Your legs take action before you know it and suddenly you're now turning to the other street. They continue to take you through another familiar path. As you close in on the shop at the corner, the calming smell of coffee reaches your nose and you realise why coming here was more tempting than attending class.

This coffee shop was your safe haven for the past three years and this semester isn't going to be any different. Even though it's so close to campus, not many people know about it and it's never hectic. Which is something you love and right now, definetely need. Some peace and quiet before starting the semester...

You enter and head straight to the barista, who happens to be a friend of yours since you're a regular.

"Hey Ryu."

"Well well, if it isn't Miss I'll come everyday this summer that never showed up once." Ryu has sarcasm alongside with mischief in his voice.

"I know but Hoseok kept me in Gwangju as a prisoner the whole summer, I'm sorry."

"Where's that dancing machine?"

"He doesn't have classes until next week so it's just me for now." You're still not over the fact he left you on your own for the first week.

"It's fine, you're not alone. Look!" Ryu points to the back where the tables are. You're confused as to who he could be pointing at. You and Hoseok are the only ones you know that come here- except...

In a flash, you stop turning around and hurriedly order a black coffee. "Please make it quick." you plead quietly but what's done is done, he already knows you're here. In fact you can hear footsteps approaching.

"That drink was great, dude. What's it called again?" He appears on your right side in his all-black outfit with a snapback. Nothing's changed about him, you think. Except you see some of his hair through the hat and it seems to be bleached. Something he hasn't done for a while. For the two years you two were together, to be exact.

"Oh, it's called yuanyang. You think I should put it on the menu?"

"Definetely, go for it."

It seems like he doesn't even acknowlegde the fact that you're right next to him. But why the hell did he even come here? You totally introduced him to this place and Ryu. So, you should get to keep this place after the break-up. Aren't those the rules?

He takes out his wallet to pay but pauses for a second. "Ryu, can I get two cookies to go?" he asks and hands over his card.

Two cookies? You know he doesn't like sugaries that much. You're almost sure he's meeting someone and it makes you scoff, unconsciously. Both him and Ryu side-eye you but you avert your gaze. "Chocolate ones, please." he adds. You think he must be ordering your favorites just to spite you.

He recieves the cookies from Ryu, fistbumps the guy and starts walking out. But then, just as he passes by you, he leaves one of the cookies on the counter in front of you and exits without another word.

First, you're shocked. And so is Ryu, apparently. You glance at him and he confusedly shrugs. Then, you're pissed. In a moment of anger, you blast out of there to go after him.

"Hey, Min Yoongi!" you shout.

He stops but doesn't turn around for a while. Just when he's about to, you appear right in front of him, the cookie in your hand.

"What's this?"

"What does it look like to you?" he retorts back, his eyes avoiding yours. And you frustratedly huff.

"What are you trying to pull?" you ask with hints of accusation in your voice. That's when he meets your gaze.

"Nothing at all. My fault for trying to be nice."

There it is, the Min Yoongi venom you were waiting for. He opens his mouth to say something else but you beat him to it.

"Ryu doesn't seem to know that we-" you pause. And immediately regret pausing. Why couldn't you just say it?

"Oh, right. You must be thinking that life stopped while you were away." And only as he says this that you notice the dark circles under his eyes. "He knows. So do a lot of other people, by the way."

Well, shit. You might've been away from all the post-breakup commotion but he was here. He was dealing with everyone of your social circle, alone. And what's the first thing you do when you see him for the first time after all that? Lashing out at him. And when he was just trying to be nice, too. Great...

"Can you move? I'm missing class." he says coldly. But despite trying to hide it, his voice sounds tired. Which makes you step out of his way and let him go. Instead, you start making your own way to class, being already late as it is.

Safe to say it's an awkward walk to campus, with you on one side of the street and Yoongi on the other. The bad news is, you constantly find yourself looking his way. Even though you curse under your breath everytime you catch yourself staring at him, you can't help but look again. But his eyes are completely fixed on the road, not even sparing you one glance.

To escape the awkwardness, you decide taking the longer route to class by heading for the stairs at the back while he takes the ones near the entrance. Since you're late and afraid of Professor Sol, you fasten your pace. Once you reach the door, your hand clashes into someone else's. Yoongi's. Of course, you think to yourself. You should've known he's taking music theory from Professor Sol. He's the best student when it comes to music and the best teacher here definetely wants him on his class.

It's too late when you realise you haven't removed your hand because he opens the door with yours under his, making it feel as though you're holding hands.

"So you finally decided to grace us with your presence? You shouldn't have. The class is about to end." Professor Sol scolds the two of you. She isn't exactly wrong. "I can pardon a student who already excells but the one who barely passes classes, I hope you know what you're doing Miss Y/N." One thing about her is that she notoriously discriminates between students and she's never liked you.

Yoongi's hand and yours is still connected and you feel him tense up. He actually used to be your guardian when it came to Professor Sol. And apparently old habits die hard because he grabs your hand harder and steps up a little. "The last I checked, at least eighty percent of your class fails every year, professor. It includes people who rank highest in some of the other classes. Strange, don't you think?"

Only Min Yoongi has the guts to do this. And only he gets a free pass after doing it. When the professor simply points you in the direction of the seats, Yoongi pulls you by the hand he’s still holding and sits you down. There’s immediately talk going around, people discussing if you were back together and all that. That’s when he snaps out of it and lets your hand go. So you’re finally able to let out the breath you were unknowingly holding. Then, he goes to one of the back seats and sits down himself. And you quietly wonder why that hurts you.

It's Hoseok's first day back and the two of you are enjoying some coffee at Ryu's shop, after a long school day.

"Y/N, I've got some bad news." he says, looking gloomy all of a sudden.

"Wha- hurry up and tell me." You hate the suspense, it makes you worry.

"I haven't been able to find a studio that we can continue the album with." He looks really upset. That's only natural, he's been working on this project for over a year now. Before you broke up with Yoongi, Hoseok was writing and producing a mixtape in Yoongi's studio with you and Yoongi's help. After you parted ways, the mixtape was put on hold.

"I've saved a lot of money this summer. We can look into some expensive ones too, I'm sure we can-"

"It's not the money, Y/N. I can't work on it the way I want to in any of those other studios. Even if it's one of the expensive ones." he cuts in. Yes, Yoongi was probably the only person to let Hoseok do his own thing.

"Well then, you should talk to Yoongi. I'm sure he'll be cool with working with you, still. As long as I don't show up, it should be fine."

He rolls his eyes. "I can't do it without you, Y/N. I'll need your help, so you'll have to show up eventually."

It's your turn to roll your eyes. You don't want anything to do with that studio. But you know how important this mixtape is to Hoseok, so you say okay. Even though you doubt Yoongi would be fine with you being there.

Speak of the devil and he shall appear. In his damned, cursed, beautiful leather jacket... This time there's no hat so you can fully observe his bleached hair and notice how it's grown longer.

"Would you really be okay with it? I don't wanna put you in this position, no. Let's just forget it-"

"Hoseok-ie, you're lovely. But for now, shut up." You get up and make your way to Yoongi's table. Hoseok's mixtape has to be done, no matter what. Seems like he hasn't noticed you so you clear your throat to grab his attention.

"What?" he asks, not looking at you. Your blood slowly starts to boil.

"I need to ask you something-"

"Ryu, I kinda need that coffee asap, buddy!" He cuts you off by hollering at the barista and starts to gather his things. He really must want to get on your nerves.

"Actually, first things first, why in the bloody hell are you still coming here?" You can't help but lash out again. You discovered this place after all, you have the right to claim it.

"Excuse me?"

"I showed you this place, it's my territory. Don't you know the break-up rules?"

He laughs at that. In such a condescending way that you regret saying it. He stops getting ready and settles on the table once again. "You're cute."

Oh, you're so close to smacking him on the head.

"And you're an asshole."

Ryu comes with Yoongi's order and leaves it on the table. "I thought you were in a hurry." He says while heading back to the counter.

"I suddenly wanna stay longer." Yoongi states, looking straight at you.

Every fiber of your being wants to avoid his eyes and run away from there, he knows exactly how to make you vulnerable. But you endure. For Hoseok.

"I'll get to the point. Hoseok needs to keep working with you. Our situation shouldn't effect his mixtape, don't you think?"

He switches to serious mode quickly. "Was this your idea or his?"

"What does it matter-"

"I'm only okay with it if he wants to do it on his own will and not by you forcing him."

Okay, you do get a little bossy sometimes but he didn't have to put it as harsh as that.

"He wants to. He refused other studios and all that."

You think you see his lips curve into a small smile for a second. Hoseok and Yoongi got along very well, actually. You never wanted for them to stop being friends, anyway. This might be a chance for them to catch up even. Of course, there's a slight problem.

"But- he says he can't do it without... well, me. He wants to make sure that you're okay with-"

"Not a problem." Yoongi unexpectantly cuts you off. You're rendered speechless due to shock. He finally turns his head and looks at you. "My studio is a workplace, Y/N. Why would it bother me when you're there for work purposes? Especially when you're essential to the process."

Yoongi's sense of kindness is a very strong thing. But it's well hidden under all the coldness and sarcasm. You'd know, it had taken you a while to get to it. But when you did, it made you fall for him even harder at the time. And now, even though things between you are over, you can still see it.

"Thanks..." is all you can say while turning around to go back but suddenly your feet stop and turn back around. "Actually, thanks for before with Professor Sol, too. Even though you don't need to stand up for me anymore-"

"It's not that I needed to, Y/N. It's that I wanted to."

He goes back to gathering his stuff and you head back to give Hoseok the details of how it went. Just as you're about to, Yoongi stops by your table before leaving.

"Hoseok-ie, text me later to come up with a schedule for studio hours, okay?"

Hoseok is visibly happy and responds with a big smile. "Sure thing."

It's been three weeks since Hoseok started to work at Yoongi's studio again. But today is the first time that you'll be going there since the break-up. Even though time has passed, you're still not used to being around Yoongi all the time. Like having to attend almost all the classes with him and also, well... without him.

Without him sitting next to you, practically glued to your side, while you both silently giggle in the middle of the lecture as he whispers stupid jokes in your ear. The fact that you're consantly around him (not by choice by the way) prevents you from getting over him.

And now the studio... One of the most dangerous places for you now because of the memories you have with him there. You know, an intimate, indoor space with dim lights... A perfect spot for activities you definitely don't want to be reminded of. But for your best friend Hoseok, you have to go.

When you arrive, you call Hoseok to open up the door, too nervous to ring the doorbell. Once you enter, your giggly friend drags you hurriedly into the recording room.

"Okay warm your voice up. We should start with the vocals-"

"Wow there, pickle." you say. Vocals were maybe the only thing you told him you wouldn't do. What did he think? That he could hurry you into it and you wouldn't notice? "What vocals, Hoseok? I'm here to arrange, mix and maybe write some melodies, you know that."

"Shhh... look you gotta. Otherwise Yoongi's gonna have some other girl do it and I don't want that."

What girl? For as long as you can remember, Yoongi has tried to get you to sing. For Hoseok's and other albums. But you don't have confidence in your voice so you've always refused. And now he just wants some other girl?

"Have you told him you don't want that?"

"Yes, obviously. He told me if I can't convince you, we had no other choice. So c'mon, just try for me? Pleaseee?"

You sneakily glance out the window to see Yoongi talking with the said girl. She’s probably from your school even though you haven’t seen her here before. She’s standing a bit too close to Yoongi’s chair and leaning on him a little but that’s none of your business. And you definetely don’t care. But still, you can’t have someone whom Hoseok’s not comfortable with, sing in his own damn album.

You go out the room and toward Yoongi and the girl. “We need to speak.” you say and head for the other room. Yoongi huffs while following after you.

“What is it miss grumpy?”

You roll your eyes. “Are you really pulling an ultimatom on me like this? Hoseok clearly isn’t okay with this girl-”

“Hoseok isn’t okay with anyone but you. This isn’t my ultimatom, it’s his. Marley’s like the third person I asked to do this and he didn’t like any of them. Because what he wants is your voice. You really can’t see that Y/N?”

He sounds fed up and exhausted. What he says makes sense too, since you know how stubborn and sneaky your best friend can be.

He continues. “Look, if we want the album to proceed there are three options. First is Marley does the vocals and Hoseok will be unhappy about it. Second is there’ll be no female vocals which will make the whole thing empty and far from what we planned. Or third, you can do them and save us all the grimace.”

He makes it seem like he doesn’t care which you’ll go with but in his eyes, you can see hope that you’ll say yes to the third. But no. You’re not ready, you can’t. In your mind, you suck. So you convince Hoseok to go with Marley for now.

So, days go by. Marley comes pretty often to record. Hoseok’s not frowning that much about it anymore. And you notice how every chance she gets, Marley is pulling the moves on Yoongi. Which seem to work, since sometimes they come in or leave together. None of it bothers you at all, you tell yourself.

One day, you come in pretty late at night remembering you left your notes there. Since you have a spare key, you think you can be in and out unnoticed. Silly you because once you hear Yoongi playing the piano, you can’t just leave. You wait outside the room until he’s done and some stupid momentary courage makes you go in.

“Oh- I’m sorry.” you instantly say when you see Marley sitting next to him. “I just forgot my- I was leaving-”

“Wait!” Yoongi says hurridly to stop you. “We were done here anyway.”

Marley doesn’t look happy but gets up and leaves.

“No really, I got my notes and I was about to head out. She doesn’t need to leave on my account-”

“It’s not on your account. But since you came in here, you must have something to say?”

Why does it feel like he wants you to say something? Why does it seem like he wants you to stay? You’re convinced it’s your own mind playing tricks on you.

“No. I don’t.” you lie with a broken voice. But your feet aren’t leaving. And Yoongi is still staring at you with a cold attitude but expecting eyes.

“Fine.” you give up and say. “I thought the piano room wasn’t allowed to just anyone. I guess since she was in here...” you cut yourself off. The piano room was kind of your special place when you were together. Nobody other than you was allowed in here. This is the place you two would spend hours and hours coming up with songs. Or just talking about things you shared only with each other.

“I’m just giving her piano lessons for some extra cash. And this room doesn’t mean much to me anymore.”

His answer dissappoints you. Not the part that he indirectly said they weren’t dating. The latter part. “And here I thought the whole secrecy of the piano room was just your way of pulling the moves on whoever you’re dating.” As long as the sentence is finished, you regret saying it. You know it isn’t right. What you said is unfair to every intimate and meaningful moment you had with him here. And your words come down like the last drop on his patience.

He shoots out of the seat. “If I wasn’t so goddamn sure that you already know how you’re the first person I ever brought in here, I’d be hurt. But instead I’m just pissed.”

He’s right to be. So you can’t say anything back.

“How can you even-” he stops for a moment. “But that’s just your way, isn’t it? Spit out venom whenever you don’t like something.”

“Me?” you ask in shock. Now this you can’t have. “No. Poisonous words are your specialty.”

“And you already left me for it, didn’t you? You left me so why would you care who I bring in here anyway?” He’s switched to his shouting voice now.

“You’re right, I’m sorry. But I left because you pushed me away, Yoongi.” He averts his gaze to the floor while you continue. “I know that you love music more than anything else but what I also happen to know is that you use it as an escape. An excuse to not get too close. But guess what? We were already too close for me to not realise what you were doing! And that is why I left!”

Both of you are obviously done shouting and silence takes over the room for a while. You already had to push back tears like twice now, so you decide to leave but just then, Yoongi has something to say.

“This room will never have any significance with anyone else besides you. Just know that.” he silently admits with his eyes still fixed on the ground. You don’t say anything and just walk away.

It’s nearly the end of the semester and Hoseok’s mixtape is finally finished. He was so exited that he accidentely published it three times in a row on soundcloud. And the fact that he’s getting some great feedback is the icing on top.

In the meantime, you’ve been doing a lot of thinking. After that fight with Yoongi, you’ve started to seriously consider the fact that maybe leaving him just like that was a mistake. Because yes, you were hurt that after all you had been through, he was still trying to keep you at bay. You felt like as you were falling completely and irreversably for him, he was still holding back. But when you left, you were gone all the way. Leaving him all alone when you knew he was hurt.

Spending the last couple of months together, you finally admitted to yourself that you missed him. And that it did bother you seeing him with other girls. It bothered you that Marley was so obviously into him. Even though he made it clear he wasn’t interested, you still felt... jealous.

But you never mustered up the courage to talk to him about any of these. Even though it seems like lately he’s trying not to be cold around you, trying to strike up random converstions in efforts to perhaps recover at least your friendship. For some stupid reason you can’t seem to dare let him back in.

Your buzzing phone pulls you out of your thoughts. You check and see it’s your best friend that you’ve been feeling extra proud of these days.

“Yes, my successful, on his way to become a star best friend?”

“Oh my god, Y/N. You won’t believe this!” he squeaks while talking. And you hate the suspense so you tell him to hurry up and tell you what’s up.

“Yoongi’s friend in radio 12 agreed to play the title song!”

“What??” you start to squeak in exitement as well. “When? When will it be on?”

“In about two minutes! Just put the station on, now!” he orders and hangs up immediately. He’ll probably call his parents next. You quickly do as he says and for sure, the next song is Hoseok’s title track. You start hopping in your bed, dancing around in your room with the dumbest smile on your face but then-

The bridge comes and it’s your voice. That’s impossible, you think. But it is you singing the bridge. And then it hits you. That one night you snuck into the studio with your spare key and recorded this exact bit, just to see how it’d be... As always, you thought it wasn’t good enough. But instead of deleting, you hid the file. Guess you couldn’t hide it that well, after all. Was it Hoseok that did this? Or...

Your phone buzzes again and once again it’s Hoseok. “Y/N- This was the best surprise you ever made for me. I’m literally about to cry, you sound so good! Thank you for doing this.”

It wasn’t Hoseok, then. But you’re thrilled to know he likes it that much. You’re thrilled to hear yourself on a freaking radio station that so many people listen to! It feels amazing. It gives you so much confidence. So much that after ending the call with Hoseok, you decide to go to the only person left who could’ve done this.

You’re at Yoongi’s door. You haven’t been here for a long time but despite the nervousness, you manage to knock. It’s pretty late but you know he’s a night owl, he should be up. Soon enough, he opens the door. He’s taken aback to see you at first but then his surprised expression turns into worry.

“I know why you’re here. I’m sorry I used the recording without your consent but-”

You launch yourself onto him and crash your lips on his. His response is so quick that it’s almost automatic. He pulls you in even more, closes the door with his foot and traps your body againts the wall with his own. All the while not parting your lips once. Your hands go to his hair. You’ve been wanting to brush your fingers through his hair ever since you’ve seen that he bleached it again after two years. You pull at the tips slightly. It makes him hum into your mouth.

“Wait-” he says while he pulls away suddenly. “You-” You’re both out of breath. “Are you really okay with what I did?”

“Yes.” You close the distance once again and this time he moves you to the couch. You’ve missed this couch. You’ve missed him...

He pulls back again. “Y/N- wait. What are we doing?”

“What do you think?” you tease as your lips travel down to his neck.

“I wanna talk to you first, though.” he manages to say between his panting.

“So talk.” you say and go back to the week spots on his neck, secretly smiling against his skin.

“You’re not-” he swallows a groan. “exactly making it easy.” He then pulls your head up to face him and gives you another long kiss. But this time not out of the heat of the moment. Instead with so much meaning engraved on it.

“Y/N... I never meant to hurt you.” he says staring into your eyes. “You were right, I was a coward but- I swear if you give me another chance, I will give it my all. I’ll be a thousand percent in.”

You smile. He looks so much like a lost puppy that it makes you want to tease him. “Well, prove that to me right now then.” you say slyly.

“Uhh- I will. I- I’m gonna go dye my hair brown, right now. I bleached it to get your attention, anyway. Not to attract others, I promise.” he says in panic.

You burst into laughter. When you first started dating, you talked him into not bleaching his hair anymore. You always said it was only for his health but he always knew you were jealous of girls getting attracted because of it, too. “No, don’t. I actually missed how even hotter it makes you look. Let’s keep that for now.” you say. “I was kidding, you don’t have to do or say any-”

“I love you.”

You pause. It’s not the first time he tells you that. But this time he says it in such a way that you’re certain it’s the real thing. Even more real than before. “I love you, too.”

“So...” he leans into you and whispers in your ear. “Couch or bed?”

You both giggle. “Surprise me.” you whisper back and he quickly tries to lift you but fails, making you both laugh out loud. “Umm- I haven’t been working out lately, baby. I’m sorry.” he says between giggles.

Between all the laughter, you silently thank him for giving you another chance, too. And make a mental promise that you won’t give this up so easily ever again.

....

A/N: This was my first Yoongi fic and I feel good about it. It’s really hard to imagine Yoongi not being a god at music so anytime I use him as a character, he’s always a prodigy lol. I can’t help it he’s just really good. Anyways if you’ve bared with this, thank you sooo much for reading and I hope you liked it. Let me know if you did. Always wash your hands and stay healthy :)