#i am legit struggling so hard with this right now

[daydreamerwonderkid]

Once my imposter syndrome finally dies down, it's over for all you bitches

[peapod20001]

Currently metaphorically banging my head and fists on the wall cus the only person that I can fully articulate my thoughts and feelings with is my own brain sooo :,)

[random-non-shower-thoughts]

I'm sick of writers constantly complaining about how hard writing is and how they have to suffer for the craft and how you need to struggle to make it good. I find it so annoying

You are not being quirky or funny to beginning authors and writers, all you are doing is telling them that if they didn't bleed their soul on to the page it's shit and they should feel like shit. I fucking listened to this kind of mindset for years and spewed it to those around me. I was pretentious and told others this mindset was the only one and did nothing because I knew my writing was obviously a joke and not worth reading. Because that's what everyone else said. I didn't bleed, I was having fun. You had to crawl through hell and burn the first draft to spit on the ashes. I wasn't ready to publish because I was enjoying walking my little book babies across the page and doing what they wanted. The little characters knew what they wanted, so I had to rewrite and wrangle them in later. The couldn't just run around like the little ones they were.

And I was right, I wasn't ready. Not because of them, but because I kept swallowing the same slop about how writing is hard and that a first draft had to be shit. I rewrote my first baby and it suffered. I tried to fix it like all the others said, and killed that entire series. Four books, hundreds of thousands of words. DEAD. I will likely never touch them despite all I did to tell a compelling story with characters that were fun, interesting, and well-researched to represent multiple groups. I cannot get that spark back because I was convinced it was wrong. I never tasted enough bile by the nice first draft that was good enough for myself. RIGHT NOW. IT WAS ONLY WHAT I COULD DO NOW.

I legit gave up on ever publishing anything and convinced myself to just make it shit so maybe I could crawl out of the mud and build from scratch. It's what my professor did, and she was years into a book she still wasn't happy with. She insisted she knew the way to publish and we should do the same. How she struggles with typing and making notes for the next draft, how the next one would be better after a rewrite. I had to do the same. It was the only way...

I am so thankful that I did some research after that and found myself falling down a rabbit hole. I wasn't really ready to fully accept the mantra from my professor. Her words never sat right with me, and those who listened without question were quite frankly, too snobbish about white men making badly written black women and all showing zero energy around first drafts--good or bad. I had to get a new perspective. The itch to see more called me to find answers. I was off put by the way they worked like it was an obligation, not art.

And I found it with a group of authors far older and more experienced than myself in a writing blog. Not just the creator held a set of different beliefs and the entire community was excited to share entire books worth of advice for free online, including the author posting (physical copies cost money, but despite running a business, the information was so freely given). And I think the three most important pieces of advice I ever got from them and changed my life were:

Quality will always equal quality. There's is almost no other art form that I have seen talk less about this mindset. Compared to say, drawing, where they go in opposite direction and it's one of the most encouraged aspects of it. I do not see this as much in writing, unless you are boasting bad/shit drafts. This is not what this advice is talking about. This was explained to mean everything from first draft to publishing, the entire process. To go all the way with works put out there that might not be what you first imagined but can say was done. Get that stroy done and put out there so you can move on and learn from previous mistakes and lessons.

You can write a clean first draft. I mean this, throw away the idea what you have done in a moment of happiness or in a frenzy is inherently bad or flawed or needs to be scrapped for the second draft because you obviously need to fix it. It was pointed out that this was a new idea and absolutely a bad thing when you had limited resources and time (pulp fiction, times when you had to make your own supplies, you were not allowed access to better technology). Now that we have electronic word processers, it is now a thing to shit on a first draft because you technically can. But why? Why should you have to throw out your level of quality and care because you are putting your first words to the page. It will never be as good as what you write tomorrow, but that's because you have learned and practiced today. And if you start with shit, your entire foundation is. Show you care about what you write, and much like a house, if what you use for the base is good, the entire thing will have a better leg to stand on. Bricks can be replaced, the swamp you placed them on is going to be much harder.

Do not listen to the inner critic until the editing phase. You know that voice telling you something is off when you are using an editor? The one that sounds like a serious adult and points out all that needs fixing? It has its place, but never on the first draft. Embrace the three year old that is playing with the blocks and says why to everything, that embraces the absolute batshit ideas that whisper to you like a infatuated lover. This is all you should listen too (outlines can be a great guide, but who says you have to follow everything?) Treat the true muse, this fun writing voice, no different than a caregiver would with a child/pet playing at the park, and let it run wild. You can patch up bruises and cuts. You cannot take back telling them NO in a fit of anger. The muse is no different.

And honestly, after reading this, my life changed so much. It made me realize that while I am not where I want to be, I loved what I created in the meantime. I wanted to hold the hands of ideas pulling my sleeve. I wanted to go on an adventure and say, "Yeah, let's go! What should we see today? What monster is waiting for us to discover?"

I literally felt a joy and wrote again. Not right away (depression is a loving embrace and the softest of kissers) but I had not felt such love for myself since before I gave up. I found a character I had not let get tainted my poisoned mind and I treated them like they deserved (and realized some things about myself exploring their minds). Such a love was waiting to be found when I learned they wanted something bigger and pulled me into a new bigger world. I didn't need a novel writing month event to create more than 50k. I didn't care, I wanted them to find their loves and pain, victory and lessons learned. They helped me explore viewpoints outside myself (and throw away some hateful things I harbored about trans women and prostitution from my upbringing).

I bled for sure, but only because I needed to develop the callouses on my fingertips and to lick the blood from my lips as I embraced my muse like a irresistible lover. I found myself in the character I birthed from stardust and an elder god's love of the universe. I learned that if I did this again it would be different, but that's okay. I can go back and read my old works with pride and kind words. I loved what helped me reach this far with a smile and something fun I wanted to read.

I found that if I took a month or a day to pound out a chapter, I was okay. I could sit back and know dealing a closet death and pain was fine, I had something to look forward to when the waters calmed and I was going to be okay again. My muse didn't need me to poke and prod, I could let them slumber with me while my flesh was aching and tears stained my face. I could smoke and drink with my characters and they would be happy to laugh at all the stupid and silly things we can think of. I don't need to suffer when the world is so cold and harsh. It is okay to embrace the warmth of a fire I created in myself.

[melinoelliones]

Ban - NSFW Alphabet

I did a Ban aswell so here ya’ll go

I am not a Ban lover so if our opinions are different DON’T JUMP ME

I am open to doing any other SDS’s characters

This is being queued up for after Meliodas drops so I hope this posts

A = Aftercare (what they’re like after sex)

I feel like he’d probably cook you something fast, make sure you’re fed and hydrated after all he put your body through. Also strokes your back as you lay on his chest, just enjoying the silence,

B = Body part (their favourite body part of theirs and also their partner’s)

This is a hard one but for you your waist/torso. He doesn’t care the size, he just wants to have his arms around it at all times. He will legit lay in your lap with his arms around you.

On himself he loves his abs, dude has em out 24/7 anyway.

C = Cum (anything to do with cum, basically)

He enjoys cumming on your ass and back, your breathless body moving up and down while he coats it in it. I think he’d also love to see it on your face, making a mess of it.

D = Dirty secret (pretty self explanatory, a dirty secret of theirs)

He likes it when your body takes over, like when he’s eating you out and you slowly push his head down, or when he’s fucking you and you play with yourself for extra stimulation. 

E = Experience (how experienced are they? do they know what they’re doing?)

He wasn’t like the most experienced but he knew what he was doing, now he works with you to find what you both like.

F = Favourite position (this goes without saying)

69 for SUREEEEE. He gets to eat you and and feel you struggle to suck him off due to how well he’s doing with you.

Any where he gets to pick you up, putting his crazy strength to good use. Seeing your face contort as he fucks into you with everything he’s got.

Also missionary, I feel like he loves to kiss you as he slides in and out, smirking as you struggle to kiss back. Pulling your ankles above his shoulders to get even deeper into you.

G = Goofy (are they more serious in the moment? are they humorous? etc.)

Not so much during, but maybe after.

H = Hair (how well groomed are they? does the carpet match the drapes? etc.)

I'm torn between absolutely wild down there and/or well kept. We saw how he kept himself in that prison….

I = Intimacy (how are they during the moment? the romantic aspect)

Very intimate!!! Lots of sweet talk, lots of kisses and major eye contact. He wants to take in everything you do and praise you.

J = Jack off (masturbation headcanon)

Barely, maybe even never. He’d prefer to wait till you’re around. 

K = Kink (one or more of their kinks)

Breeding kink 100%. Wants to fuck a baby into you so bad, going round after round to make sure he’s filled you enough to guarantee you’re pregnant. 

Dacryphilia. Your tear stained cheeks look so pretty when he’s fucking you to the point where your mind is only on him and his cock.

Cockwarming. Wants to be inside of you at all times. Feeling your warm walls smother his cock is heaven.

Restraints. He loves to be tied up and let you have free reign of his body.

Marking up. He loves to cover you from head to toe in hickeys but mostly in places he can see. He’ll leave like one or two in an obvious spot so people know who you belong too. He also loves when you leave him little ones, as his jacket is wide open he always asks for one right in the centre so people can see it.

Facefucking. Enjoys fucking your face while you gag on it, tears in your eyes as you’re running your tongue and mouth along it. He thinks you look absolutely adorable with the mix of cum and saliva running down the corners of your mouth as you look up at him for approval.

“Yeah thats it, you’re doing so well” he’d moan out while pushing the back of your head further into his cock. His head rolling back as his crown hits the back of your throat repeatedly. 

L = Location (favourite places to do they do)

Prefers closed spaces like bedrooms, however after seeing Meliodas n his partner doin it everywhere he’s definitely lowkey wanting to try it in a more public place atleast once.

M = Motivation (what turns them on, gets them going)

Your moans and whines. You begging for him makes him almost feral.

N = No (something they wouldn’t do, turn-offs)

Anything that could seriously hurt you. 

O = Oral (preference in giving or receiving, skill, etc.)

The mans tongue is long, he loves to use it on you. Don’t get me wrong, he enjoys watching you on your knees attempting to take him all in your mouth but he loves to give. Would eat you out whenever you ask him too, he’d probably ask sometimes too as he enjoys it that much. He can do all sorts with that tongue of his and you love it. 

“HEY, come over here and let me eat you out, i'm starving over here” he’d chuckle with a smirk on his face, arms out for you to come to him.

P = Pace (are they fast and rough? slow and sensual? etc.)

Both equally. Sometimes you like it rough and he’ll push your body to extremes. Other times he’ll keep it slow to savour the moment.

Q = Quickie (their opinions on quickies, how often, etc.)

I think he prefers to take his time with you and hates to be rushed. But desperate times call of desperate measures.

R = Risk (are they game to experiment? do they take risks? etc.)

Not a massive risk taker in terms of like public stuff but he is always down to experiment. If there is something you want to try he is more than happy to oblige.

S = Stamina (how many rounds can they go for? how long do they last?)

I don’t think he’d have a limit to be honest, could go till the sun comes up. But realistically maybe 3 to 4 rounds consistently to not break you.

T = Toys (do they own toys? do they use them? on a partner or themselves?)

I feel like he isn't the biggest fan of them as he can do anything they can do. Need a gag, use his fingers. Need a choker, his hands are right there. Need a vibe, he’s got stamina. However if you insisted he would get you one, like maybe when he’s on trips he’d get you something close to his size.

U = Unfair (how much they like to tease)

Only teases slightly, doesn’t take it too far as he wants to fuck you just as much as you want him to. 

V = Volume (how loud they are, what sounds they make, etc.)

His volume isn't too high as it only really consists of grunts and moans, along with his dirty words. He doesn’t mind if you make noise but if people are around he will kiss you in an attempt to swallow your moans. 

Maybe says “So loud, it’s almost like you want them to hear how well i’m fucking you”.

W = Wild card (a random dirty headcanon for the character)

Likes to fuck you clothed then make you keep the soiled underwear on. Watching you squirm and you uncomfortably try to act as if he didn’t just fuck your brains out and fill you to the point where it’s dripping down your inner thighs.

Also loves to make out with you and tease to the point where you’re begging him to fuck you. But not too often.

X = X-ray (let’s see what’s going on under those clothes)

He is TALL. He is 6’11 so I know he is hiding something large under them pants. Maybe 8 or 9 inches, curved slightly and has some nice girth to it.

Y = Yearning (how high is their sex drive?)

I wanna say average/high. He could defo fuck you like 3 or 4 times a week but it’s not super necessary. Loves oral though and making you feel good without sex.

Z = Zzz (how quickly they fall asleep afterward)

He gets tired a bit after but he won’t sleep until you’re hydrated, fed and asleep. He’ll sit with you in his arms until you do.

[wehangout]

Another @shamelessdvdcommentary requested by the wonderful @suzy-queued with questions made by the amazing @callivich! This one is for Slick back My Hair (You know the Devil's in There)! These are a lot of fun, so hit me up if you want to see this for a different fic 😘

Give us some stats - (when you wrote it, word count, how long it took to finish, is it a one-shot/multi-chapter, etc)

Wrote it in 2015! It’s a long one-shot, and I think my second ever shameless big bang.

What was the initial inspiration for your story?

Okay. Took me a minute. I knew this was inspired by a one-shot I wrote for GW2015 that has since been taken down, but I also knew the one-shot was inspired by something and it took forever to go back and figure it out. Anyway, the initial one-shot was inspired by the Day 7 theme of “Imagine Your OTP – go to the website http://otpprompts.tumblr.com/ and choose a prompt!”. I don’t recall what the exact prompt was (I think digging a grave together), BUT apparently I still have the one-shot posted here on tumblr if you wanna read it! So, yeah, the Big Bang fic was inspired by this one-shot which was inspired by GW2015. Phew. That was a novel on its own

If the story is written from a character’s POV, why did you choose this character?

Mickey. Because I am me.

What was your favourite scene to write?

I’m not sure, but reading back, I really like the scenes with side characters as assasins. Sheila, Jimmy, and Angela. Fun stuff.

How did you come up with the title?

Ugh. This was back when iTunes was a thing lmao. I basically went through all my music, picking out songs I thought might fit the fic’s plot, then went through the lyrics.

Are there any little moments or references you hope readers will notice?

Two! I had fake IDs with the names John Foley and Axel McClane which is a reference to John McClane and Axel Foley – Die Hard and Beverly Hills Cop respectively. And I also had this line “Two inches to the right and it would’ve hit your fucking heart, Ian.” "Two inches to the left and it would have missed me completely” which was reference to The Mighty Ducks. Only one reader picked up on these lol.

Was there anything you struggled to write? If so, how did you overcome this?

The Terry fight scene. And, honestly, I just pushed through it.

Favourite line in the story?

Okay, the “My hero” continuation, but also, back in 2015, I wrote, word for word, “Knew you’d come.” I mean, it’s Ian saying it, but obvi why it’s a fave lmao

What are you most proud about in the story? (plot, characterisation, dialogue, twist/cliffhanger, etc)

I wouldn’t call them twists, but the little surprises that turn up along the way – Sheila being a badass, the texter being Mandy.

Are there any ‘behind the scenes’ info you’d like to share - e.g. what’s going on in a characters head in a certain scene or how you came to write a certain line?

At the end, where Mickey goes to save Ian. Ian’s “goodbye” is legit. Dude was sure they (at least he) was going to die.

Reading back the story now, is there anything you’d change or add?

It’s very quick. I’d probably add more depth to it. (also the title shh)

Would you ever write a sequel to this story?

I’ve considered it, but one half of the dynamic duo gets taken in this one. What other plot could there be?

Are there any ‘easter eggs’ in your story - e.g. references to other stories you’ve written, a trope you often use etc?

I think I did the big Oh moment in this, along with a few others. I think that’s about it.

If you’ve chosen your most popular story, are you surprised by the popularity?

This is definitely not my most popular, lol, but I appreciate the love it’s received!

Were you nervous or excited to post this story?

Oh, always excited

Did you have a beta or a friend who helped you as you wrote?

I did! Again, this was back in 2015 when my pal Ella @hubrisandwax was still around. We had similar time zones, so we’d Skype and write at night (poetry, bitch), and have our own little sprints. She was my cheerleader and beta!

Anything else you’d like the readers to know about the story?

I know this is an Ian and Mickey romance, but I actually preferred the scenes after Ian was taken. Getting into Mickey’s head when he’ll do literally anything to get Ian back? Including torture and murder his own brother? That shit was fun.

[aurae-rori]

so you guys remember the arahabaki daughter au i was cooking right?

so i ahve two things i wrote for it now and i might turn it into a legit fic so

“Let me go!” Baki shouts, struggling against the grip of Fukuzawa and Dazai, all at once. “Let me kill them all! Let me kill them all! Let me break all of the bones in their bodies! Let me go!” She shrieks, kicking and wailing. It’s not an easy job, trying to restrain an angry God.

“Baki,” Fukuzawa calmly says, “killing is not always the answer.”

“They nearly killed that child!” Baki screams, and it is only then that Dazai realizes that she is crying. Tears are flowing down her cheeks as she screams and shouts and wails.

“But Baki,” Kenji says, leaning on Yosano for support. “I’m okay. See? I’m right here! I didn’t die, and Yosano healed me right away.”

“Just because you have a doctor who can revive you does not mean that you are immortal, like me,” Baki snarls. “Do not throw your lives away so carelessly for me! I can survive anything. I am the concept of destruction itself.”

“But you’re our friend,” Kyouya says, staring at her, unblinking. “Why would we not risk ourselves for you?”

Baki goes still in Dazai’s hold. She sniffles.

“Just let me kill them already,” she says, but it holds no fight.

“No,” Dazai shakes his head with a smile. “Trust me, I’d let you. But that’s not going to do anything.”

“Fine. Have it your way.” And for the first time in her life, Baki spares a human.

-

"aren't you scared of being vulnerable, vessel?" baki asks, one night, while she is tucked underneath chuuya's chin, the two of them reading the same book. "with dazai." "sometimes," chuuya admits. "it's hard being open with another person." given our past, he does not say, but she knows. "but you love him, even though he left you." "i love him, even though he left me." "is this.. the unconditional love that you were talking about?" she shifts, looking off to the side. "yes. i don't think i could stop loving him, even if he left me again," her vessel says, and for the first time in her life, baki finds herself afraid. afraid of love. "humans are too complicated," she says instead, trying (in vain) to stomp her foot against the floor. "you love even though he might ditch you?" "yes, of course." they fall into silence for a good long while, simply reading, until baki speaks again. "you are horrifyingly human," she whispers. chuuya does not reply for a moment, and then says, "thank you."

[ricecaqes]

Hello my friends !

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So, I am asking you to help me keep my family safe and a life especially after we had lost all our livelihood sources.

please don't leave my family struggle and suffer these dire days alone. You can support my campaign by donating whatever you can or by sharing my posts to reach out to others who can help us survive the war to safety and peace. you help the souls of many people with your small contribution. ❤❤🍉🍉

Don't spare this moment to be beside us in this incredibly hard and tough times. but this is a legit campaign and vetted by 90-ghost.

this campaign has indeed been verified by 90-ghost, and right now it is only at €377 of the €100,000 goal. please please consider donating and sharing it around so they can get closer to the amount they need!!

[ageless-aislynn]

Guess what, frens? I wrote almost 700 words tonight and I was actually, legit enjoying writing them! I can't even tell you how long it's been since I was able to get back in that headspace again! 🥳💃

Only two slight problems:

It's not any of my WIPs and it's for freakin' Dead Rising.

I'm not ever, ever, evvvver going to post it anywhere, so it's pretty worthless OTHER than...

I was writing. I was enjoying writing and that feels actually pretty major to me right now, even if it's not "for" anything else. It's for me. And Frank. And the OC I just made up but am writing in second person so I can try to get back into the voice for my Reader fics.

I haven't felt actual inspiration in SO long. I've missed you, old friend. Maybe there's some hope after all?

PS - I was hoping that getting back into vidding would help jumpstart the ol' writing muse again but, well. I'm scared putting Vegas back on will destabilize Georgette again. I cannot TELL you how nice it's been to just have a working computer after nearly half a year of daily struggling and of hours of research that led to no solutions. It's really hard to make myself do something that has even a tiny chance of undoing it all, you know? I dunno. I'll worry about that later. 🤷‍♀️

[bakedbakermom]

Here is my spoiler-heavy review of/bitch session about Perihelion. I, uh, didn't like it much. I can see the hard work and the love that Claudia Gray has for this series and these characters, and I appreciate it. But. It didn't work for me.

I went into this completely blind. As in, I didn't even read the am*zon blurb or the inside flap to see what it was about. I saw "new official X-Files book" and blacked out and then I had it in my hands. It's part casefile, part mytharc, picking up shortly after the events of My Struggle 4, and clearly meant to be a launching pad for continuing the show as a series of novels.

The casefile is about a killer targeting pregnant women, and Mulder and Scully get called in to investigate because of electrical disturbances in the vicinity of the murder. The mytharc is about the group that moves in to fill the power vacuum left behind by the destruction of the Syndicate (a group calling themselves the Inheritors) and the genetic fallout from the Syndicate's experiments that has resulted in people developing, um, superpowers. Like legit X-Men-style superpowers. And these X-Men aren't happy about it.

Okay let's talk about the casefile bit first. Look. I am sick to fucking death of this show's treatment of women and fertility. If I had known that was going to be the focus of part of this book, I don't know that I would have read it. There are some fairly graphic descriptions of one of the crime scenes early in the book that really turned my stomach, not in a "this is a fun scary story" kind of way but in a "this violence hits far too close to home and I am experiencing the starts of a panic attack" kind of way, so be mindful of that. There are also some scenes from the killer's POV as he stalks his victims - including, of course, Scully 🙄🙄🙄🙄🙄🙄🙄🙄🙄🙄🙄 - that are so enraging and pathetic I could barely get through them.

And then - TWIST - it turns out he doesn't have electricity powers.... SCULLY DOES. Yeah. Straight up superhero "shoot somebody with a bolt of lightning like DPO" powers. I. I don't.... I can't talk about that part right now or I'll stab myself in the face but...

Look. I love that we got a vehicle for Scully to address her trauma, get some agency, and kick some ass. She needed that. We all needed that. I do like that she completely handed this guy's ass to him when he showed up at the door expecting to face a scared pregnant lady and instead got taken down by Scully FBI in about oh 3 seconds like the pathetic misogynistic sack of shit he is. But FUCK please stop making Scully the target of a fucking serial killer. Stop.

And the book never does give a satisfactory explanation for why the electrical disturbances around each murder could have originated with Scully. Yes, she was near the scene of each crime. Yes, for SOME of them she was in an emotionally charged state. But y'all she was fucking ASLEEP during one of them. And there were many times she was emotionally charged and nothing happened. I don't mind when XF is vague about this shit, that's kind of what they do, but it could at least make sense. I thought maybe it would turn out not to be her but her baby, sensing the danger and acting out to protect or warn the others, but no... Scully just happened to be upset and nearby each time this guy hacked a pregnant woman and her unborn baby to pieces? That is a level of coincidence I just can't get behind. No. (It could still turn out to be the baby, though. I am not convinced.)

Also, unfortunately, Scully handing this guy his own ass on a silver platter was kind of a disappointing ending to that storyline. Satisfying for Scully as a character does not equal satisfying to the reader as a story, sorry.

Okay. Now. The Mytharc.

The shadowy Inheritors kinda suck. They're rich douchebags in ivory towers pulling strings to keep themselves in luxury. If the Syndicate was the generation that pulled themselves up by their bootstraps or whatever, the Inheritors are the trust fund baby generation who are just... there. They don't actually do very much in this story, but I suppose that could change if they try to carry TXF on as a series of novels. So far they seem focused on finding the X-Men that the Syndicate created by accident so they can have a standing army of mutants to do their bidding and keep them on top.

Two such individuals are Vane, who can turn into smoke and travel like Nightcrawler (and yes that's a comparison that's made in the text, which is NOT helping the X-Men allegations) and Craddock, who can channel the dead. (Cherish Craddock is my angel baby and I love her and will hear nothing bad about her. She has superpowers that could destabilize the very structure of society as we know it, and just... uses them to run a wellness cult because it's easy and fun and she doesn't have to work in an office. Honestly, same, love that for you.) They are secretly working against the Inheritors to turn the X-Men to THEIR side instead. There's a fucking secret underground training facility and everything.

There's also a new boss at the FBI who - gasp - has questionable motivations. And a new informant in pop culture tees who - gasp - has questionable motivations. Par for the course I guess, but if you're as sick of the constant rehashing of the mytharc tropes as I am, you're gonna be rolling your eyes. The mytharc just needs to die, okay. It is too broken. Turning The X-Files into The X-Men isn't going to fix it. Casefiles forever from here on out, okay?

Scully has a nice little sidequest where she asks a friend at work to help her figure out the whole "uh there's an alien virus spreading through the population that's causing various degrees of weird mutations including literal fucking superpowers and maybe we should, like, NOT let it do that" but nothing comes of that in this book.

So overall it was kind of a weak casefile, and a mytharc that felt like a lot of set-up for a payoff that may never come, and a ridiculous pivot into superhero territory that I am just not here for. Mulder and Scully are well-written and definitely them, which I appreciated, though given where canon left off with them it's not exactly fun to hang out in their lives/heads. There was one incredibly sweet scene toward the very end where they go to a sonogram together, and that's one of perhaps 3 scenes that I am snatching up like a thieving squirrel at the birdfeeder and taking back to my treehole nest to build my headcanons around.

Also.

There were a few things that absolutely infuriated me.

So the same friend of Scully's doing the genetic thing is also helping her work out the origins of her current pregnancy, and in doing so reveals some information/hope regarding William, which Vane also confirms, and SCULLY DOESN'T TELL MULDER THIS. They do so much work on their shared grief in this book, healing and communicating and reuniting, and she DOESN'T TELL HIM THAT THIS BABY IS HIS AND MAYBE WILLIAM WAS TOO AND THE WOUND THAT RIPPED THEM APART MAYBE WASN'T EVERYTHING THEY THOUGHT IT WAS??? He deserves that information and it pisses me the fuck off that she didn't share it; William is his trauma too, and keeping that from him is just so fucking mean and feels so out of character. They end the story hiding shit from each other and WHY do we still have this as a plot device Jesus Fucking Christ.

I am also so beyond angry that CSM came back for a visit via Craddock's channeling to help Mulder. Either he did that because he's genuinely had a change of heart now that he can see things from "the other side" (oh fuck you, gag me, vomit, do NOT try to redemption-arc this man to me, not ever), OR he's using Craddock to try and continue manipulating and controlling M&S even in death and FUCK YOU NO. I don't even care which one it is. I don't want to know. That man needs to never grace my screen (or page) ever again. Can we just leave his rotting, burnt out husk on the roadside and never deal with him as a character ever again??? CAN WE MOVE ON FROM THAT FUCKWAD PLEASE.

One more thing: there was a bit where Scully is ruminating on the trauma she's endured and there's a kind of throwaway line about Mulder having suffered too, though not as deeply. Dude had part of his BRAIN stolen. He was abducted and tortured. His entire life was a rollercoaster of trauma as he ripped himself apart to uncover the truth about Samantha, only to find out that his father was part of it and also not his father and oh btw every bad thing that ever happened to him and everyone he loved was that guy's fault. DUDE WAS LEGIT DEAD AND BURIED FOR MOOOOOOONNNNTHS. I am not saying what he and Scully endured are equivalent, but this dismissal left a bad taste in my mouth.

This review is so incredibly negative and I'm sorry for that. There were parts of it I had fun with. If this wasn't an XF story but instead an original universe, I might have liked it. But if this is where XF is heading... I think I'm out. Every fan has a breaking point and Scully growing lightning powers to fight Nightcrawler in a secret underground supermutant training facility is mine. I get where you're taking this train, Claudia Gray, and I respect your effort, but this is my stop.

[aesfocus]

-slides into askbox- Tell me about your Fable 3 experience. Did you save/kill Elise/Elliot? What about Shadelight? Thoughts on Ben Finn. Main weapon/spells?

I never know if I should post these things publicly but!!! lets do it I am enjoying the hell out of it once again, I still struggle with my motion sickness on PC but I think I finally have all the motion blur etc. off so should be easier go of it next time I play(I am so distracted by DATV). I killed Elliot, tho I really did debate it hard this time.(I do like Elliot's alive storyline however, normally leave him to his new love) Younger me loved Ben Finn but older me is conflicted! I still think he's a fun character overall but I do get a little frustrated with him at times. I'm somewhat boring in that I rock sword+pistols+lightning but I think I may change it up to rifles and hammer once I get a better hammer. I have this issue where I restart things and now that I have all the blur options off and it's easier to gif I think I will restart(I was right before the doomed boat ride). Which doesn't bug me as I will be more used to things, however that intro before I can do rolls and run is a pain.

I will say I used to cheese combat somehow and I do not remember how I was doing that. Part of me is like 'no play it legit' but part of me is like no... exploit it! ._. why am I like this

[small-but-oho]

Hi! I’m running over here to say THANK YOU FOR YOUR RECENT POST ABOUT DRAMATIC TENSION IN G/T!!!!

I have been shouting into the void about this with friends of mine for YEARS!!

Where did all the fear and angst in the community go?? Why is it all just rainbows and butterflies now? Having light to balance out the dark is great, don’t get me wrong, but I SOOOO agree with you: the entire basis of g/t is its very significant power imbalance.

If we’re all unwilling to acknowledge that then literally what is even the point of making something g/t in the first place? If it’s just two people hanging out… how is that g/t? Where are the stakes? What do these characters want? What are they fighting for? What makes life hard for them that they want to change?

I say this all the time: bad things NEED to happen in fiction. It’s the ONLY WAY to tell a story. Watch any movie or tv show and you’ll see this at play. We want our fictional heroes to struggle, to be afraid and to fight for something because that creates an actual plot.

I, too, am deeply disillusioned by the lack of actual fear and danger in g/t now. Let’s all be honest and acknowledge that being small next to someone so much bigger would be TERRIFYING and not without significant physical and emotional challenges to overcome.

It’s so frustrating when a small character meets a larger one and within .004 seconds they immediately trust them, with their life literally in a stranger’s hands. It’s doesn’t make any sense and leaves so many opportunities for good story telling on the table.

The struggle to adapt to a new environment, to make yourself heard in the face of invalidation, to discover you matter even though you’re different are all tropes that require some kind of unfair dynamic in order to be explored.

I find that journey to be actually super validating! Navigating a dynamic where you feel less than or not taken seriously or surrounded by danger and finding a way to fight through that? Isn’t that quite literally the textbook definition of empowerment and self actualization?

Okay, I’ve gone on long enough, but I just wanted to reach out because it’s so so so refreshing to see someone else in this community actually addressing this!

You rock! Have a wonderful day and keep exploring your story telling, because I think you’ve absolutely got the right idea!

AAAAAAAAAH THANK YOU FOR THIS MESSAGE!!!

I'm so glad you feel the same way ♥️

I legit wonder why this shift towards safe, nonconfrontational works occurred. Is it in reaction to the general state of the world? An influx in new users, who just aren't into fear and angst? Reaction to internet censorship? Idk.

And tbh it's also kinda disheartening as a dark subjects enjoyer. I do wanna write and create works that cater to my interests, but when you look into the tag, it feels like an uphill battle.

So yeah, if you want to, feel free to send me a msg off anon. Maybe we need to cultivate our own little community of like-minded people.

[hauntingblue]

Hello👋, 🍉❤️🖤🤍💚

I am reaching out to you today with an urgent plea to support my family, who has been deeply affected by the war. These difficult circumstances have placed unexpected challenges upon us, and we are now struggling to make it through this tough period.

Our immediate goal is to raise 1000 euros to help ease some of the pressure and allow my family to stay strong.

Any contribution, no matter how small, will make a significant difference for us and provide a glimmer of hope during these hard times.💔

I deeply appreciate any support you can offer.Thank you so much for your generosity and compassion🙏

https://gofund.me/107a8322

Hello, I hope your situaiton gets better soon, I can share your campaign right now.

Help Sami and his family:

€ 215 / 35,000

Unvetted but seems legit

[ahiddenpath]

Writing News/Hidden's Life

Got a bit of a two-fer today.

I'll keep most of it beneath the cut, but importantly: I am taking a fanfic posting hiatus.

Writing News

I'm taking a break from posting. I'm not going to say, "I'm not posting anymore," or anything dramatic, because I've felt this way before and ended up returning, but for now, I'll be working on my fics offline only.

I'm not interested in guilting anyone, I'm not trying to tell folks what to do/how to behave. No one person can fix how fandom works/fandom culture, you know? And there's always the chance that my work simply isn't interesting, which is fine! It's a hobby. All I'm saying is that the silence is really taking a toll. I think my last six or so updates went reviewless, except for several people (real people??? bots???) trying to scam me into "commissioning them" via review and one person looking for a fight up in the comments on a digimon fic, lmao.

Also, for all the incredible people who have commented and gifted me amazing fan art over the years, thank you so much, I really love and appreciate you! I'm not saying you aren't enough; you are absolutely incredible and I adore you. YOU ROCK! But I am human and am struggling mentally right now. You should know that you are seriously the only thing that kept me going, fandom wise, and I love you.

But sharing my stuff is hurting my mental health right now, not helping it. So... Again, no dramatic final statements, but... I'll see you when I see you, fanfic update wise.

Life Stuff

I'm having a hard time. This Friday night, I woke up at 4 AM with what felt like a metal ball in my intestines. The pain kept me up until 7:30 AM, at which point it dulled enough for me to sleep until 10:30 AM. The additional problem is that we planned to have dinner with my in-laws, who live about 80 minutes away, weeks ago. They work retail in like... 12 hour shifts, each with different random days off, so that's legit how far ahead we had to plan it. So... I went, although I felt terrible all day.

I don't know if it's because I was already feeling bad, but. Their stairs are like half the length of ours. My whole foot fits on my stairs, with maybe two cm leftover. On their stairs, the balls of my feet and my toes hang off each stair. They had tinsel strung on their handrails, so I didn't hold the handrail, thinking, Don't crush their decor.

Anyway, I fell, landed on the small of my back, where the muscles already spasm off and on, and slid down. It's entirely locked and hideously painful. I can barely walk. I'm not sure what I'm going to do about work tomorrow and this week.

If someone puts decor on their stairwell handrails, just damage the damned decor. I'm serious.

It's so frustrating to see my husband work out and lift and get strong and fit while I fall off shit and hurt myself and can barely walk and am kept awake by pains in my body. I'm going to end this here because it's just frustration and whining now, lmao! Anyway HOLD THE DAMN HANDRAIL, love you, bye!

[symptoms-syndrome]

Hi! I’m curious to hear (in a vague way) what the process was like uncovering the DID if you’re comfortable answering. Like how long did it take? Did your therapist(s)/treatment team first consider other diagnoses? And anything else you feel comfortable sharing.

Hihi! This is sort of a hard question to answer for me, but I can try!

What constitutes my "treatment team" is sort of hard to define in this sense, because IDK if you mean "the ppl over the course of my life" or like "the one who wrote it on paper."

I've been seeing a therapist since I was 6 years old. I started going to outpatient programs like when I was in my early teens for Behavioral Problems. In those I was diagnosed with everything in the book so like. In that sense other diagnoses were considered? I think by the time I was 18 and kicked out of the house/able to see a professional of my own volition not connected to my parents/disciplinary programs, I was mostly labeled as BPD, PTSD, depression + anxiety, OCD, maybe NPD or ODD. I don't really give a single shit about any of those because I don't define myself by diagnoses anymore, or try not to, and my therapists as an adult told me it was majorly fucked that I was diagnosed with all that as a teenager. Most of them weren't even legit they were just labels to try and pin down why I was a Bad Kid. Spoiler for that, the answer was that generally teenagers act out when they're subject to intense trauma basically all the time and aren't listened to and are institutionalized. Tends to fuck your brain up real bad. I'm a lot better now not bc I got over the laundry list of diagnoses, but because I'm in like. A stable and supportive and independent environment.

I was officially diagnosed as an adult, exact ages escape me but probably like 19? It came as a surprise to me but fit like a glove re: my experiences with memory loss, not remembering where I am, meeting people who have met me before but I didn't remember, people telling me I did things I don't think I would, etc. It was really upsetting to hear because it's such a. Permanent and perception-of-life altering disorder. I was definitely hoping it was something that could be like. Cured more easily. It was also definitely hard to come to terms with the fact my childhood was That Bad, when I didn't really think it was before.

My therapist at the time said it was almost stupidly obvious that was what I had, even tho I wasn't like. Aware of it.

So like. How long did it take is hard to answer. Overall, if you count all the time I was being seen by psychiatric "professionals?" Over 10 years. If you count just that therapist? Like one year.

I'm a lil scatterbrained RN, so I might add more detail later or if u send another ask. I guess the question is so open and vague it's hard to answer without a full autobiography LMAO.

But I guess it would be useful to know why you wanna know. Then I could probably give a better answer. Are you considering the diagnosis for yourself? Are you trying to see if ur experience is shared w others? But also keep in mind I'm a weird little anti-psych dog who in general rejects the idea of seeking diagnosis for treatment. RN in therapy I mostly talk about my day to day struggles with whatever (like "damn, I've been really fixated on [specific trauma] this week" or "I made a friend" or "I'm really stressed about this argument I had" or "later this week im going on a date and i don't wanna fuck it up") and occasionally parts stuff comes up. Therapy hasn't majorly changed I don't think. Then again I'm real shit brain right now and my memory sucks ass. Maybe I can answer better later I just know if I didn't answer at all I'd forget.

[austinsgirl]

Rather Die | Chapter 19 | Austin Butler Fanfiction

word count: 2475

warnings: language, baby/pregnancy talk?

cross posted on wattpad

masterlist

————————————————————————

Mila has been staying with Victoria all week while Austin is in New York. They've been baking, watching Christmas movies, wrapping presents, facials, and of course watching their fave reality TV while having a snack fest.

Vic was going to go, but realized if she couldn't fly to Denver for Thanksgiving to be with Ashton, she couldn't fly to NYC to be with Austin.

But, Austin promised her he'll take her and the baby next year for Christmas so she can see the Rockettes.

"Have you even heard from Austin this week?" Mila asked Victoria as they frost cookies together.

"I heard from him once, and that's it. He was just checking in. He's been so busy rehearsing. And probably making out with Juliet in his downtime when he does have it."

Juliet & Austin have yet to make it official, but honestly anytime now Austin could be asking her to be his. They've been very smitten these past few weeks. So much, he invited her out to New York to see him on SNL.

Mila chuckles, "And you say you aren't jealous."

"Because I'm not."

"Girl...."

"I promise you, I am not jealous."

"Alright, if you say so. But if you're not jealous, then what's your deal with her?"

"She's nice but she just doesn't seem right for him."

"How so?"

"I feel like she might be using him for his fame."

"Why do you say that?"

"Because she's an aspiring writer or some shit."

"Oh...hm." Mila gives a short response, not really knowing what to say. "Maybe."

After they finish frosting cookies, they put them into Tupperware containers to keep them fresh, then go into the living room to watch Austin on SNL.

"I have my sister Ashley here with me tonight! Ashley, I love you! And I also have a very special someone here, Juliet, my girlfriend! Love you, baby!" Austin said during his opening monologue.

Victoria's mouth dropped open, with wide eyes. So did Mila's.

"Umm...did he tell you they made it official?" Mila asks.

"No? What the hell? When did this happen? Why didn't he tell me?"

"No idea."

They continued watching the episode & although Victoria was upset with him, she couldn't help but to laugh at his skits. Especially when he's playing an old Jewish grandma.

"Oh my god. Goddamn it, Austin. I just laughed so hard I legit peed myself. The struggles of being pregnant." Victoria says, getting up from the couch to go change her underwear and bottoms.

"That's gotta be fun." Mila says sarcastically.

"Yep, so much fun."

They finish the episode & Vic gives it a bit before calling Austin.

"Hey! How'd you like the show?!" Austin says loudly into the phone, with music in background.

"It was uh, great! But um,-

Austin cuts her off, "Hold on! Let me go outside, I'm at the after party and it's loud! Julie, I'll be right back, it's Vic!"

Vic hears Juliet reply, "Okay!"

"Hey, sorry. I'm outside now. What we're you saying?"

"I was saying it was great!" Vic says, but now she's getting a bit of an attitude with him. "But why didn't you tell me you made it official with Juliet?"

"Did I not?"

"No? Not that I can recall."

"Why are you getting an attitude with me? I'm sorry if I didn't tell you."

"Austin, we're having a baby together. I think I should know what's going on in my parenting partners life."

"I know we're having a baby together, and I have been telling you everything but I forgot this one thing. I'm sorry, okay?  It's been a really hectic week, it slipped my mind. I'm sorry."

"How long ago did you ask her?"

"I asked her on Tuesday."

"The day we spoke."

"I guess? Was that when we talked?"

"Yes."

"Well, I asked her that night. We spoke that afternoon."

"But you still didn't even think to tell me."

"Listen Vic, rehearsals were insane, and then I was so caught up in moments with her that I forgot. I'm sorry you had to find out this way."

"Yeah, it's whatever, I guess."

"Vic..."

"What?"

"You know it's not just 'whatever'"

"It's fine. I accept your apology." she rolls her eyes.

"Thank you. How are you doing though? Are you alright? Is the baby alright?"

"Yep, we're both peachy keene. Um, by the way, you made me legit piss myself."

Austin laughs, "Wait, really?"

"Yes." she giggles. "Lois was funny as hell, Aus. I didn't know you could play an old Jewish lady."

He laughs some more, "Yeah, I didn't know either. This show really got me to come out of my shell. You know how shy I can be sometimes."

"I know."

"I should get back inside before Juliet starts to worry & look for me."

"Yeah, no problem. You fly home tomorrow?"

"Yes, we're getting on a red eye tomorrow after the Rockettes."

"Oh, you're still going to that?"

"Yeeaahh, Julie wanted to go."

"Oh. Julie wanted to go."

"She did. Don't worry, I'll bring you back something. I promise. And I'll take you next year."

"I'm holding you to it, Butler."

"I know you will, Williams."

"So sometime tomorrow night you'll be back then?"

"Yeah, we get in around 2:45 am, so technically Monday morning."

"Alright, sounds good. I will see you then."

"Alright. I'll keep you updated."

"Okay. I'll talk to soon."

"Bye, love you....as a friend."

"...love you too. Bye."

Victoria hangs up the phone with a puzzled look.

"Did he say he loves you?" Mila asks.

"Yeah, but he clarified it 'as a friend'."

"You think he may mean it romantically still?"

"God, I hope not. I mean, this man, who usually keeps his relationships private, announced his current relationship on live TV and said he loves her."

"That's true. I mean, I'm sure he still loves you in some way and will always love you. You are carrying his baby right now."

"Yeah, you're not wrong."

It's the next night, currently 3:45 am Monday morning.

Victoria hears commotion going on in the kitchen, & she gets startled.

She grabs her small baseball bat that she keeps by her bed. Her dad gave it to her to keep with her close just in case an intruder were to ever come in.

Vic slowly walks out into the hallway; she continues to hear noise.

"Austin? Is that you?" she calls out.

"Yeah, it's me!" he calls out.

"Oh, thank god." she drops her stance with the bat and goes into the kitchen, with a hand over her beating chest.

"I'm sorry we woke you & scared you."

"It's fine. I thought you would have been back already."

"Did you not see my text? I texted you saying our flight was delayed by an hour."

"Oh. No, I didn't get anything from you."

"Must have not gone through, the airport didn't have the greatest service or Wi-Fi."

"Yeah, must've."

"Is Mila still here?"

"Yeah, she's still set up on the air mattress in the baby's room. She's a heavy sleeper."

"Gotcha. Well, Julie and I are going to head off to bed. You should get back to bed too."

"Yeah, I should. Good night."

"Night."

Victoria takes herself back to bed & lays there, letting her thoughts run.

"Julie and I are going to head off to bed." she thinks to herself in a mocking tone.

"Julie. Since when has Julie been a nickname for Juliet? Has it always? I don't know but it makes me cringe. Also, we're they making out as soon as they got in here? I swear Austin's lips looked more pink than usual and kind of swollen. Those perfect, plump, pink lips of his. Fuck, stop. No. We're not going there. I have Ashton. He needs to get his ass over here more often if I have to essentially third wheel around here now. Fuck. Now that they're official, I'll see her here all the time. Great. Just great. Ugh. I really hope he knows what he's doing. She better not be in it for his money and fame. I'll slap a bitch if that's the case."

After Vic finished ranting to herself, she drifted back off to sleep.

In the morning, she wakes up and goes out to the kitchen to grab her protein shake & some breakfast.

She notices Austin & Juliet snuggled up on the couch, kissing each other here & there.

"Morning." she says to them.

"Morning, sleepy head." Austin says. "I'm surprised you weren't up before us."

"Yeah, I had a rough night. Baby girl was very active last night & kept me up."

"I'm sorry she was being a little monster." Austin jokes a little.

"It's fine. Maybe I'll try and nap later. What are your guy's plans for today?"

"We're going to go try and finish our Christmas shopping while Juliet has a day off. What about you?"

"Um, I don't know. I'll have to see what Ash is up to."

"Alright. Well, you're more than welcome to join us, if you two want to tag along. Maybe make it a double date kind of thing."

"Uh, yeah! That'd be fun! Let me text him."

"Double date? God. Sounds horrific, but I'll play along just because I know I have to for the sake of being civil with Austin."  Vic thinks to herself as she pulls her phone out. "At least I'll have Ashton with me & maybe this way I can really see how Juliet is with Austin."

Victoria texts Ashton, and he's down to go shopping.

"Ash is down. What time are we going?" she asks.

"Around noon. Is that good?"

"Yeah, that should be fine. I'll let him know."

Mila comes out into the kitchen, "Morning, guys." she yawns. "Welcome back, Austin."

"Thanks, Mila." he smiles. "Have you met Juliet?"

"I haven't. Hi, I'm Mila. Vic's best friend, cast mate, and former roommate." Mila says to Juliet.

"Hi! Nice to meet you." Juliet smiles. She turns to Austin, "Hey Aus, I'm gonna go to the bathroom. I'll be right back."

"Alright, I'll be here." Austin smiles, giving her a quick kiss.

Victoria purses her lips in annoyed way and raises her eyebrows.

Mila asks quietly, "What's wrong?"

"She called him Aus."

"So?"

"That's my name for him. I came up with it. I'm the only one who calls him that." Vic whispers.

Mila crosses her arms, "Jealousy, jealousy."

"Will you stop saying that??"

"No, not until you admit it."

"There's nothing to admit."

"Okay, if you say so."

Austin says from the living room, "Mila, we're all going last minute shopping if you want to join."

"I can't unfortunately. I gotta get home and pack & drive down to San Diego to be with family for a couple days before my moms go to visit my brother across seas in Italy. But, thanks for the invite!"

"Yeah, no problem! I didn't know you were from San Diego."

"Yeah, my brother and I were adopted & we have two moms down there. My brother is currently doing some work in Italy. I would go too, but it's just so expensive right now. But, I'll be with you guys for Christmas! You will both have to come visit with me sometime. They always take my friends in as their own."

"I'd love to." Vic smiles.

"Yeah, that'd be great. Get out of the city for a couple days." Austin says.

"I'll have to let you know next time I go."

"For sure." Vic says.

Juliet comes back from the bathroom and sits back down with Austin.

"You okay, babe? You were in there for a bit." he asks.

"Yeah, I'm fine. Just got my period is all, so, you know."

"Gotcha."

"Vic, what's it like not having a period? Is being pregnant better?" Juliet asks her.

"Um, mostly it is. For me, at least. I always have the worst cramps, so I'll take baby girl practicing her high kicks in the womb any day. But, I've heard it's different for everyone. Some pregnancies can be more painful than periods."

"Good to know for the future." she smiles at Austin. He shyly smiles back.

Vic thinks to herself, "She's not already planning their future together now, is she?"

Mila says her goodbyes to everyone before heading off.

Eventually, Ashton meets everyone at the house & they all go out for lunch at a local diner first before shopping.

"I can't believe I'm hanging out with THE Ashton from The Driver Era." Juliet gushes. "I love your band; I've seen you play live a few times before."

"Aw, thank you!" Ashton replies.

"Yeah, he's great, isn't he?" Vic looks at Ashton all lovingly.

"He really is." Juliet smiles.

"Hey, don't go crushing on someone else, baby girl." Austin says to Juliet.

"I'm not, I'm not." Juliet laughs.

Hearing Austin say, 'baby girl', made Vic feel things she doesn't & shouldn't be feeling.

She distracts herself by rubbing her hand on Ashton's thigh under the table. Ash shoots her a sly smirk, and whispers into her ear, "You trying to get frisky right now?"

"Maybe." she giggles.

"Don't worry, you'll get me later." he winks.

"Oh, will I now?"

"Mhm."

"Get a room, you two." Austin jokes. 

"Hey, I could have said the same thing about you guys this morning." Victoria jokes back.

"What? Weren't doing anything."

"I saw you guys being all flirty and making out."

"We weren't making out." 

"If you say so."

Juliet chimes in, "Are you two always like this? Just bantering all the time?"

"Haha, yeah. We used to not get along very well after some things happened on set, and that banter has stuck through our friendship."

"I see. Was it because of...?"

"Yeaaahh." Vic replies. "Now that she's out of all of our lives, we all have moved passed everything and can be friends."

"That's great to hear." Juliet smiles.

Throughout lunch, whenever Austin & Juliet did something cute & romantic, Victoria felt the need to one up them and do something romantic with Ashton.

As they were heading out to the car, Austin let Ashton & Juliet get ahead, and he pulled Vic back a bit.

"Hey, are you like, jealous of me & Julie?" Austin asks Vic. 

"No? Why would you ask that?"

"I feel like you kept trying to one up us."

"No, I wasn't. You can think that though if you want. Are you sure you're still not jealous of Ash & I?"

"I'm positive."

"Then alright, case closed. No jealousy detected."

"Whatever you say, Williams."

"Shut up, Butler. I am not jealous. End of discussion."

"Fuck." Vic thinks to herself. "Maybe I am jealous. And if I am, I need to stop myself."

--------------------------------------------------------------------------------------------

[badwithten]

camping with skz hyung line - delulu head cannons

PAIRING SKZ hyung line (Bangchan, Lee Know, Changbin & Hyunjin) x fem!reader

GENRE fluff

WORD COUNT 1.6k

this is very self indulgent but it is 11pm on my 18th birthday when i’m writing this and my mother is sleeping and we are in the middle of no where camping/staying in some cabins with no power or reception so i’m writing this on notes app bc i can’t sleep early so i am just up and i want to be delusional and go camping with skz (changbin but lets give them all a chance ig 🙄) 

in saying that its self indulgent its more of a warning that i’m writing this reader based on me! usually i don’t do this and try to keep everything as neutral as i can (ik i still only write fem!reader but still i try make it as inclusive fem as i can be!)  but for this y/n is def based on how i am camping which happens to be kinda stereotypical girl “omg im scared of bug come save me” which i know isn’t true for all fem people but it is for me and its my birthday so let me be delusional! 

with that in mind, if you still decide to read these i hope you enjoy! might expand onto the maknae line if this is something that is received well? i’ve never really written headcanons so we’ll see!

also also, i know since lee knows camping vlogs theres be a lot of camping with skz stuff but once again, idc bc i am camping now so this is what i want lmao

chan 

chan is definitely the ‘i am prepared, I’ve got you babe’ which quickly turns into ‘omg this fire isn’t staying lit and its cold af right now”

like he comes well prepared, buying and packing the best gear money can get

but no matter how fancy the tent, it is no use if you can’t put it up!

using the limited knowledge the two of you have, you manage to wrangle the tent up just before dark

although this wasted all of the time you had to do any hiking or adventuring for the day. you can’t say you’re to mad to skip to the cuddling

once again, he purchased a whole lot of fire starters and fancy lighters, but the two of you still struggled to get a stable fire going

eventually though, you’re both warm and feed by the fire

he bought his guitar and plays your favourite songs for you

you’re lucky that you’re out on such a clear night, able to watch the stars and listen to your partner sing for you

after a long day of getting lost in the endless pages instruction pamphlets, its finally time  to call it a night

chan thought it would be cute to get matching animal sleeping bags

he got a wolf and when he asked which one you were gonna get you chose a regular adult one

he was disappointed in your lack of humour but now he regrets not doing the same

the child size sleeping bag not even fighting one of his legs

“room in there for two?” how could you say no

lots of cuddles and late night talks, its the first time its truely just been the two of you for a long time

no sounds of the city, no loud neighbours and none of the kids disturbing the peace!

when you wake up though its a sweaty mess, tents get so hot in the sun and waking up to a warm body pressed against you is the last thing you want!

minho

ok this one is a bit hard to be crazy for bc we’ve seen him camping

but that doesn’t make it any less,,, writeable? 

if we saw a chart of “thinks their prepared, is not prepared vs thinks their prepared, is prepared” where do you think chan and minho would sit??

the camp site we’ve seen in his vlog and then his bubble messages is his little get away when his life gets too crazy

its just him and nature (plus some cats. that man is a legit cat magnet and i am so jealous!)

he doesn’t even want to bring any of the members or his friends there

its his place, all he has to worry about is himself

and its not even a worry! he enjoys cooking so feeding himself is a simple task,,, and thats all he’s sorta required to do there

but not long after he started dating you, he realised he wanted to experience the peace of his camping with you

if he was stressed and couldn’t get away, he would turn to you. both of his stress relievers in one place would be a dream come true! (that sounds sexual, i promise i didn’t mean it like that 😭*turns 18 and writes smut right away*) 

despite being there bc he’s currently stressed to the max, he can’t help but care for you still

he cooks the most delicious meals for you

lets you shower first and for as long as you want, not minding the cold water for himself if you use up the supply of the hot

and then when you’re out, makes sure you’re comfortable and warm in bed to ensure you don’t get sick on him

but its not all him caring for you! he knows this as well, loving the way you look out for him

yes he does all the cooking but you’re right by his side, helping to prepare any food he needs to create his dishes

he knows how long you shower for at home so he knows you’re conscious of him by only taking short showers despite how much he insists he doesn’t mind the cold

you’ll wait up for him while he showers, sometimes stealing his side of the bed to make sure its warm when he gets back

you even made sure to pack cat treats incase he attracted anymore strays

needless to say, camping with lee know is a break from your busy lives where you can look after each other

recharge together before heading back to work

changbin 

the man of the hour! why im writing this for hehe (he’s my boyfriend and you can’t change my mind on that idc)

biggest baby!

i’ve been having to boil hot water for drinks over a gas stove

and can you imagine doing that for him while he holds the light and just makes commentary the entire time

like i imagine it going how that one vlog went with his sister where she’s cooking for him and he’s standing there pretending to help but really is being more of a nuisance than anything

but you love him for it

you’re setting up the gas tanks and dealing with fire, he can’t help but just be impressed

not only can you hold your own, but you look after him!

he always is expected to be the caretaker in relationships, being a big strong guy and all, surely he wears the pants in the relationship

but both of you have one leg each in these pants, both of you struggling to walk in the pants. its like a three legged race but worse bc now there’s 4 legs, all out of sync (in the best way possible)

you will make him hot chocolates and deal with the gas stove top

you’ll rub his head in the spa while the two of you soak in the hot water

but he’ll carry you across the river when you two go exploring, not wanting you to get your shoes wet

he’ll make sure to watch out for any mosquitos in the area, swatting them away before they get to you

hes a bit like minho, both of you looking out for each other but a lot less prepared to do so in a campsite 

“yo binnie you know how to set this thing up?”

“y/n i’ve even seen one of these before today” he says as he swings around a tent pole and almost takes you out with it

but its ok bc both of you end up getting the tent up after a long while

he’s just a big baby and i want to give him a hug and make him a hot chocolate ok! it’s all i’ve been thinking about

you two wouldn’t be able to sleep so early into the night so you sneak out to go make hot chocolate’s and sit around the dying flame of the fire pit

its like your teenagers sneaking out despite having paid your bill to stay at the camp ground, knowing you can come and go out of your tent as you please

but that excitement is always something you’ve felt throughout your relationship with changbin and you can’t see it ever leaving

hyunjin

mr dramatic over here would be so distraught at the sight of any bug in the area

and news flash you’re outside in forest, there’s gonna be bugs

all jokes aside though, camping with hyunjin would be such a freeing experience!

he’d definitely use this time to unwind and really get into his painting, with no distractions he’s able to get the creative flow going and create some beautiful works of either you or the landscape around him

and if you’re a writer reading this, then you can do what i’m doing right now and take your boredom in the fact that there’s no power and write as well!

or really if you create anything (art, writing, knitting, any creative outlet!), you’d be right by him doing the same

you’d also do lots of exploring with him!

you’d set of on the hike only to stop every five minutes to look at something

if its somewhere you’ve been before or the two of you are camping somewhere you are knowledgeable about (like camping near your home town or something) then he’d ask lots of questions about the wildlife and plants around you!

but if its new for both of you then it would be so fun discovering everything together

i just imagine sitting by the river bank with him, watching as small fish and other strange water creatures swim through the rock pools

pointing to each and every little movement to make a comment about it

“yo that fish kinda looks like you though”

the comments soon lead to a water fight which ends in the two of you swimming

unlike any ocean or pool the two of you have swam in before, the current drags you down the river

you allow yourself to float for a bit before you’ll both swim back up to where you started

just chatting and relaxing against the river and all its sounds

eventually though one of you remembers all the fish/insects/creatures you saw swimming in there just moments ago and freaks out thinking about it swimming against your skin

so you retreat back to shore, having to hike back to your campsite soaking wet and cold

lots of cuddles to warm up in the tent though

both of you so exhausted you just crash

but it was such a good experience with him. like the two of you are so comfortable with each other that being in by yourselves camping in the woods is such a amazing time 

(but both can’t wait to get back home and enjoy the comfort of your own bed again)