#i am legit struggling so hard with this right now

[daydreamerwonderkid]

Once my imposter syndrome finally dies down, it's over for all you bitches

[peapod20001]

Currently metaphorically banging my head and fists on the wall cus the only person that I can fully articulate my thoughts and feelings with is my own brain sooo :,)

[amazing-shit-went-down]

.

[melinoelliones]

Ban - NSFW Alphabet

I did a Ban aswell so here ya’ll go

I am not a Ban lover so if our opinions are different DON’T JUMP ME

I am open to doing any other SDS’s characters

This is being queued up for after Meliodas drops so I hope this posts

A = Aftercare (what they’re like after sex)

I feel like he’d probably cook you something fast, make sure you’re fed and hydrated after all he put your body through. Also strokes your back as you lay on his chest, just enjoying the silence,

B = Body part (their favourite body part of theirs and also their partner’s)

This is a hard one but for you your waist/torso. He doesn’t care the size, he just wants to have his arms around it at all times. He will legit lay in your lap with his arms around you.

On himself he loves his abs, dude has em out 24/7 anyway.

C = Cum (anything to do with cum, basically)

He enjoys cumming on your ass and back, your breathless body moving up and down while he coats it in it. I think he’d also love to see it on your face, making a mess of it.

D = Dirty secret (pretty self explanatory, a dirty secret of theirs)

He likes it when your body takes over, like when he’s eating you out and you slowly push his head down, or when he’s fucking you and you play with yourself for extra stimulation. 

E = Experience (how experienced are they? do they know what they’re doing?)

He wasn’t like the most experienced but he knew what he was doing, now he works with you to find what you both like.

F = Favourite position (this goes without saying)

69 for SUREEEEE. He gets to eat you and and feel you struggle to suck him off due to how well he’s doing with you.

Any where he gets to pick you up, putting his crazy strength to good use. Seeing your face contort as he fucks into you with everything he’s got.

Also missionary, I feel like he loves to kiss you as he slides in and out, smirking as you struggle to kiss back. Pulling your ankles above his shoulders to get even deeper into you.

G = Goofy (are they more serious in the moment? are they humorous? etc.)

Not so much during, but maybe after.

H = Hair (how well groomed are they? does the carpet match the drapes? etc.)

I'm torn between absolutely wild down there and/or well kept. We saw how he kept himself in that prison….

I = Intimacy (how are they during the moment? the romantic aspect)

Very intimate!!! Lots of sweet talk, lots of kisses and major eye contact. He wants to take in everything you do and praise you.

J = Jack off (masturbation headcanon)

Barely, maybe even never. He’d prefer to wait till you’re around. 

K = Kink (one or more of their kinks)

Breeding kink 100%. Wants to fuck a baby into you so bad, going round after round to make sure he’s filled you enough to guarantee you’re pregnant. 

Dacryphilia. Your tear stained cheeks look so pretty when he’s fucking you to the point where your mind is only on him and his cock.

Cockwarming. Wants to be inside of you at all times. Feeling your warm walls smother his cock is heaven.

Restraints. He loves to be tied up and let you have free reign of his body.

Marking up. He loves to cover you from head to toe in hickeys but mostly in places he can see. He’ll leave like one or two in an obvious spot so people know who you belong too. He also loves when you leave him little ones, as his jacket is wide open he always asks for one right in the centre so people can see it.

Facefucking. Enjoys fucking your face while you gag on it, tears in your eyes as you’re running your tongue and mouth along it. He thinks you look absolutely adorable with the mix of cum and saliva running down the corners of your mouth as you look up at him for approval.

“Yeah thats it, you’re doing so well” he’d moan out while pushing the back of your head further into his cock. His head rolling back as his crown hits the back of your throat repeatedly. 

L = Location (favourite places to do they do)

Prefers closed spaces like bedrooms, however after seeing Meliodas n his partner doin it everywhere he’s definitely lowkey wanting to try it in a more public place atleast once.

M = Motivation (what turns them on, gets them going)

Your moans and whines. You begging for him makes him almost feral.

N = No (something they wouldn’t do, turn-offs)

Anything that could seriously hurt you. 

O = Oral (preference in giving or receiving, skill, etc.)

The mans tongue is long, he loves to use it on you. Don’t get me wrong, he enjoys watching you on your knees attempting to take him all in your mouth but he loves to give. Would eat you out whenever you ask him too, he’d probably ask sometimes too as he enjoys it that much. He can do all sorts with that tongue of his and you love it. 

“HEY, come over here and let me eat you out, i'm starving over here” he’d chuckle with a smirk on his face, arms out for you to come to him.

P = Pace (are they fast and rough? slow and sensual? etc.)

Both equally. Sometimes you like it rough and he’ll push your body to extremes. Other times he’ll keep it slow to savour the moment.

Q = Quickie (their opinions on quickies, how often, etc.)

I think he prefers to take his time with you and hates to be rushed. But desperate times call of desperate measures.

R = Risk (are they game to experiment? do they take risks? etc.)

Not a massive risk taker in terms of like public stuff but he is always down to experiment. If there is something you want to try he is more than happy to oblige.

S = Stamina (how many rounds can they go for? how long do they last?)

I don’t think he’d have a limit to be honest, could go till the sun comes up. But realistically maybe 3 to 4 rounds consistently to not break you.

T = Toys (do they own toys? do they use them? on a partner or themselves?)

I feel like he isn't the biggest fan of them as he can do anything they can do. Need a gag, use his fingers. Need a choker, his hands are right there. Need a vibe, he’s got stamina. However if you insisted he would get you one, like maybe when he’s on trips he’d get you something close to his size.

U = Unfair (how much they like to tease)

Only teases slightly, doesn’t take it too far as he wants to fuck you just as much as you want him to. 

V = Volume (how loud they are, what sounds they make, etc.)

His volume isn't too high as it only really consists of grunts and moans, along with his dirty words. He doesn’t mind if you make noise but if people are around he will kiss you in an attempt to swallow your moans. 

Maybe says “So loud, it’s almost like you want them to hear how well i’m fucking you”.

W = Wild card (a random dirty headcanon for the character)

Likes to fuck you clothed then make you keep the soiled underwear on. Watching you squirm and you uncomfortably try to act as if he didn’t just fuck your brains out and fill you to the point where it’s dripping down your inner thighs.

Also loves to make out with you and tease to the point where you’re begging him to fuck you. But not too often.

X = X-ray (let’s see what’s going on under those clothes)

He is TALL. He is 6’11 so I know he is hiding something large under them pants. Maybe 8 or 9 inches, curved slightly and has some nice girth to it.

Y = Yearning (how high is their sex drive?)

I wanna say average/high. He could defo fuck you like 3 or 4 times a week but it’s not super necessary. Loves oral though and making you feel good without sex.

Z = Zzz (how quickly they fall asleep afterward)

He gets tired a bit after but he won’t sleep until you’re hydrated, fed and asleep. He’ll sit with you in his arms until you do.

[wehangout]

Another @shamelessdvdcommentary requested by the wonderful @suzy-queued with questions made by the amazing @callivich! This one is for Slick back My Hair (You know the Devil's in There)! These are a lot of fun, so hit me up if you want to see this for a different fic 😘

Give us some stats - (when you wrote it, word count, how long it took to finish, is it a one-shot/multi-chapter, etc)

Wrote it in 2015! It’s a long one-shot, and I think my second ever shameless big bang.

What was the initial inspiration for your story?

Okay. Took me a minute. I knew this was inspired by a one-shot I wrote for GW2015 that has since been taken down, but I also knew the one-shot was inspired by something and it took forever to go back and figure it out. Anyway, the initial one-shot was inspired by the Day 7 theme of “Imagine Your OTP – go to the website http://otpprompts.tumblr.com/ and choose a prompt!”. I don’t recall what the exact prompt was (I think digging a grave together), BUT apparently I still have the one-shot posted here on tumblr if you wanna read it! So, yeah, the Big Bang fic was inspired by this one-shot which was inspired by GW2015. Phew. That was a novel on its own

If the story is written from a character’s POV, why did you choose this character?

Mickey. Because I am me.

What was your favourite scene to write?

I’m not sure, but reading back, I really like the scenes with side characters as assasins. Sheila, Jimmy, and Angela. Fun stuff.

How did you come up with the title?

Ugh. This was back when iTunes was a thing lmao. I basically went through all my music, picking out songs I thought might fit the fic’s plot, then went through the lyrics.

Are there any little moments or references you hope readers will notice?

Two! I had fake IDs with the names John Foley and Axel McClane which is a reference to John McClane and Axel Foley – Die Hard and Beverly Hills Cop respectively. And I also had this line “Two inches to the right and it would’ve hit your fucking heart, Ian.” "Two inches to the left and it would have missed me completely” which was reference to The Mighty Ducks. Only one reader picked up on these lol.

Was there anything you struggled to write? If so, how did you overcome this?

The Terry fight scene. And, honestly, I just pushed through it.

Favourite line in the story?

Okay, the “My hero” continuation, but also, back in 2015, I wrote, word for word, “Knew you’d come.” I mean, it’s Ian saying it, but obvi why it’s a fave lmao

What are you most proud about in the story? (plot, characterisation, dialogue, twist/cliffhanger, etc)

I wouldn’t call them twists, but the little surprises that turn up along the way – Sheila being a badass, the texter being Mandy.

Are there any ‘behind the scenes’ info you’d like to share - e.g. what’s going on in a characters head in a certain scene or how you came to write a certain line?

At the end, where Mickey goes to save Ian. Ian’s “goodbye” is legit. Dude was sure they (at least he) was going to die.

Reading back the story now, is there anything you’d change or add?

It’s very quick. I’d probably add more depth to it. (also the title shh)

Would you ever write a sequel to this story?

I’ve considered it, but one half of the dynamic duo gets taken in this one. What other plot could there be?

Are there any ‘easter eggs’ in your story - e.g. references to other stories you’ve written, a trope you often use etc?

I think I did the big Oh moment in this, along with a few others. I think that’s about it.

If you’ve chosen your most popular story, are you surprised by the popularity?

This is definitely not my most popular, lol, but I appreciate the love it’s received!

Were you nervous or excited to post this story?

Oh, always excited

Did you have a beta or a friend who helped you as you wrote?

I did! Again, this was back in 2015 when my pal Ella @hubrisandwax was still around. We had similar time zones, so we’d Skype and write at night (poetry, bitch), and have our own little sprints. She was my cheerleader and beta!

Anything else you’d like the readers to know about the story?

I know this is an Ian and Mickey romance, but I actually preferred the scenes after Ian was taken. Getting into Mickey’s head when he’ll do literally anything to get Ian back? Including torture and murder his own brother? That shit was fun.

[aurae-rori]

so you guys remember the arahabaki daughter au i was cooking right?

so i ahve two things i wrote for it now and i might turn it into a legit fic so

“Let me go!” Baki shouts, struggling against the grip of Fukuzawa and Dazai, all at once. “Let me kill them all! Let me kill them all! Let me break all of the bones in their bodies! Let me go!” She shrieks, kicking and wailing. It’s not an easy job, trying to restrain an angry God.

“Baki,” Fukuzawa calmly says, “killing is not always the answer.”

“They nearly killed that child!” Baki screams, and it is only then that Dazai realizes that she is crying. Tears are flowing down her cheeks as she screams and shouts and wails.

“But Baki,” Kenji says, leaning on Yosano for support. “I’m okay. See? I’m right here! I didn’t die, and Yosano healed me right away.”

“Just because you have a doctor who can revive you does not mean that you are immortal, like me,” Baki snarls. “Do not throw your lives away so carelessly for me! I can survive anything. I am the concept of destruction itself.”

“But you’re our friend,” Kyouya says, staring at her, unblinking. “Why would we not risk ourselves for you?”

Baki goes still in Dazai’s hold. She sniffles.

“Just let me kill them already,” she says, but it holds no fight.

“No,” Dazai shakes his head with a smile. “Trust me, I’d let you. But that’s not going to do anything.”

“Fine. Have it your way.” And for the first time in her life, Baki spares a human.

-

"aren't you scared of being vulnerable, vessel?" baki asks, one night, while she is tucked underneath chuuya's chin, the two of them reading the same book. "with dazai." "sometimes," chuuya admits. "it's hard being open with another person." given our past, he does not say, but she knows. "but you love him, even though he left you." "i love him, even though he left me." "is this.. the unconditional love that you were talking about?" she shifts, looking off to the side. "yes. i don't think i could stop loving him, even if he left me again," her vessel says, and for the first time in her life, baki finds herself afraid. afraid of love. "humans are too complicated," she says instead, trying (in vain) to stomp her foot against the floor. "you love even though he might ditch you?" "yes, of course." they fall into silence for a good long while, simply reading, until baki speaks again. "you are horrifyingly human," she whispers. chuuya does not reply for a moment, and then says, "thank you."

[ricecaqes]

Hello my friends !

🍉I am a Palestinian from Gaza😭😭 , coming from an extended family ❤❤that have been suffering😭😭 for 300 hard days of an aggressive war. Our life is dire and tough as we lack all the basic necessities of life . Everything has become rare and hard to get.

So, I am asking you to help me keep my family safe and a life especially after we had lost all our livelihood sources.

please don't leave my family struggle and suffer these dire days alone. You can support my campaign by donating whatever you can or by sharing my posts to reach out to others who can help us survive the war to safety and peace. you help the souls of many people with your small contribution. ❤❤🍉🍉

Don't spare this moment to be beside us in this incredibly hard and tough times. but this is a legit campaign and vetted by 90-ghost.

this campaign has indeed been verified by 90-ghost, and right now it is only at €377 of the €100,000 goal. please please consider donating and sharing it around so they can get closer to the amount they need!!

[kumsal-thingss]

Hello my friends !

🍉I am a Palestinian from Gaza😭😭 , coming from an extended family ❤❤that have been suffering😭😭 for 300 hard days of an aggressive war. Our life is dire and tough as we lack all the basic necessities of life . Everything has become rare and hard to get.

So, I am asking you to help me keep my family safe and a life especially after we had lost all our livelihood sources.

please don't leave my family struggle and suffer these dire days alone. You can support my campaign by donating whatever you can or by sharing my posts to reach out to others who can help us survive the war to safety and peace. you help the souls of many people with your small contribution. ❤❤🍉🍉

Don't spare this moment to be beside us in this incredibly hard and tough times. but this is a legit campaign and vetted by 90-ghost.

Hi, I'm so sorry about what happened. As a country, we are all with you and share your pain. Individually, all I can do right now is to pray and share this post. May God be with you and protect you. ❤️🙏

[ageless-aislynn]

Guess what, frens? I wrote almost 700 words tonight and I was actually, legit enjoying writing them! I can't even tell you how long it's been since I was able to get back in that headspace again! 🥳💃

Only two slight problems:

It's not any of my WIPs and it's for freakin' Dead Rising.

I'm not ever, ever, evvvver going to post it anywhere, so it's pretty worthless OTHER than...

I was writing. I was enjoying writing and that feels actually pretty major to me right now, even if it's not "for" anything else. It's for me. And Frank. And the OC I just made up but am writing in second person so I can try to get back into the voice for my Reader fics.

I haven't felt actual inspiration in SO long. I've missed you, old friend. Maybe there's some hope after all?

PS - I was hoping that getting back into vidding would help jumpstart the ol' writing muse again but, well. I'm scared putting Vegas back on will destabilize Georgette again. I cannot TELL you how nice it's been to just have a working computer after nearly half a year of daily struggling and of hours of research that led to no solutions. It's really hard to make myself do something that has even a tiny chance of undoing it all, you know? I dunno. I'll worry about that later. 🤷‍♀️

[bakedbakermom]

Here is my spoiler-heavy review of/bitch session about Perihelion. I, uh, didn't like it much. I can see the hard work and the love that Claudia Gray has for this series and these characters, and I appreciate it. But. It didn't work for me.

I went into this completely blind. As in, I didn't even read the am*zon blurb or the inside flap to see what it was about. I saw "new official X-Files book" and blacked out and then I had it in my hands. It's part casefile, part mytharc, picking up shortly after the events of My Struggle 4, and clearly meant to be a launching pad for continuing the show as a series of novels.

The casefile is about a killer targeting pregnant women, and Mulder and Scully get called in to investigate because of electrical disturbances in the vicinity of the murder. The mytharc is about the group that moves in to fill the power vacuum left behind by the destruction of the Syndicate (a group calling themselves the Inheritors) and the genetic fallout from the Syndicate's experiments that has resulted in people developing, um, superpowers. Like legit X-Men-style superpowers. And these X-Men aren't happy about it.

Okay let's talk about the casefile bit first. Look. I am sick to fucking death of this show's treatment of women and fertility. If I had known that was going to be the focus of part of this book, I don't know that I would have read it. There are some fairly graphic descriptions of one of the crime scenes early in the book that really turned my stomach, not in a "this is a fun scary story" kind of way but in a "this violence hits far too close to home and I am experiencing the starts of a panic attack" kind of way, so be mindful of that. There are also some scenes from the killer's POV as he stalks his victims - including, of course, Scully 🙄🙄🙄🙄🙄🙄🙄🙄🙄🙄🙄 - that are so enraging and pathetic I could barely get through them.

And then - TWIST - it turns out he doesn't have electricity powers.... SCULLY DOES. Yeah. Straight up superhero "shoot somebody with a bolt of lightning like DPO" powers. I. I don't.... I can't talk about that part right now or I'll stab myself in the face but...

Look. I love that we got a vehicle for Scully to address her trauma, get some agency, and kick some ass. She needed that. We all needed that. I do like that she completely handed this guy's ass to him when he showed up at the door expecting to face a scared pregnant lady and instead got taken down by Scully FBI in about oh 3 seconds like the pathetic misogynistic sack of shit he is. But FUCK please stop making Scully the target of a fucking serial killer. Stop.

And the book never does give a satisfactory explanation for why the electrical disturbances around each murder could have originated with Scully. Yes, she was near the scene of each crime. Yes, for SOME of them she was in an emotionally charged state. But y'all she was fucking ASLEEP during one of them. And there were many times she was emotionally charged and nothing happened. I don't mind when XF is vague about this shit, that's kind of what they do, but it could at least make sense. I thought maybe it would turn out not to be her but her baby, sensing the danger and acting out to protect or warn the others, but no... Scully just happened to be upset and nearby each time this guy hacked a pregnant woman and her unborn baby to pieces? That is a level of coincidence I just can't get behind. No. (It could still turn out to be the baby, though. I am not convinced.)

Also, unfortunately, Scully handing this guy his own ass on a silver platter was kind of a disappointing ending to that storyline. Satisfying for Scully as a character does not equal satisfying to the reader as a story, sorry.

Okay. Now. The Mytharc.

The shadowy Inheritors kinda suck. They're rich douchebags in ivory towers pulling strings to keep themselves in luxury. If the Syndicate was the generation that pulled themselves up by their bootstraps or whatever, the Inheritors are the trust fund baby generation who are just... there. They don't actually do very much in this story, but I suppose that could change if they try to carry TXF on as a series of novels. So far they seem focused on finding the X-Men that the Syndicate created by accident so they can have a standing army of mutants to do their bidding and keep them on top.

Two such individuals are Vane, who can turn into smoke and travel like Nightcrawler (and yes that's a comparison that's made in the text, which is NOT helping the X-Men allegations) and Craddock, who can channel the dead. (Cherish Craddock is my angel baby and I love her and will hear nothing bad about her. She has superpowers that could destabilize the very structure of society as we know it, and just... uses them to run a wellness cult because it's easy and fun and she doesn't have to work in an office. Honestly, same, love that for you.) They are secretly working against the Inheritors to turn the X-Men to THEIR side instead. There's a fucking secret underground training facility and everything.

There's also a new boss at the FBI who - gasp - has questionable motivations. And a new informant in pop culture tees who - gasp - has questionable motivations. Par for the course I guess, but if you're as sick of the constant rehashing of the mytharc tropes as I am, you're gonna be rolling your eyes. The mytharc just needs to die, okay. It is too broken. Turning The X-Files into The X-Men isn't going to fix it. Casefiles forever from here on out, okay?

Scully has a nice little sidequest where she asks a friend at work to help her figure out the whole "uh there's an alien virus spreading through the population that's causing various degrees of weird mutations including literal fucking superpowers and maybe we should, like, NOT let it do that" but nothing comes of that in this book.

So overall it was kind of a weak casefile, and a mytharc that felt like a lot of set-up for a payoff that may never come, and a ridiculous pivot into superhero territory that I am just not here for. Mulder and Scully are well-written and definitely them, which I appreciated, though given where canon left off with them it's not exactly fun to hang out in their lives/heads. There was one incredibly sweet scene toward the very end where they go to a sonogram together, and that's one of perhaps 3 scenes that I am snatching up like a thieving squirrel at the birdfeeder and taking back to my treehole nest to build my headcanons around.

Also.

There were a few things that absolutely infuriated me.

So the same friend of Scully's doing the genetic thing is also helping her work out the origins of her current pregnancy, and in doing so reveals some information/hope regarding William, which Vane also confirms, and SCULLY DOESN'T TELL MULDER THIS. They do so much work on their shared grief in this book, healing and communicating and reuniting, and she DOESN'T TELL HIM THAT THIS BABY IS HIS AND MAYBE WILLIAM WAS TOO AND THE WOUND THAT RIPPED THEM APART MAYBE WASN'T EVERYTHING THEY THOUGHT IT WAS??? He deserves that information and it pisses me the fuck off that she didn't share it; William is his trauma too, and keeping that from him is just so fucking mean and feels so out of character. They end the story hiding shit from each other and WHY do we still have this as a plot device Jesus Fucking Christ.

I am also so beyond angry that CSM came back for a visit via Craddock's channeling to help Mulder. Either he did that because he's genuinely had a change of heart now that he can see things from "the other side" (oh fuck you, gag me, vomit, do NOT try to redemption-arc this man to me, not ever), OR he's using Craddock to try and continue manipulating and controlling M&S even in death and FUCK YOU NO. I don't even care which one it is. I don't want to know. That man needs to never grace my screen (or page) ever again. Can we just leave his rotting, burnt out husk on the roadside and never deal with him as a character ever again??? CAN WE MOVE ON FROM THAT FUCKWAD PLEASE.

One more thing: there was a bit where Scully is ruminating on the trauma she's endured and there's a kind of throwaway line about Mulder having suffered too, though not as deeply. Dude had part of his BRAIN stolen. He was abducted and tortured. His entire life was a rollercoaster of trauma as he ripped himself apart to uncover the truth about Samantha, only to find out that his father was part of it and also not his father and oh btw every bad thing that ever happened to him and everyone he loved was that guy's fault. DUDE WAS LEGIT DEAD AND BURIED FOR MOOOOOOONNNNTHS. I am not saying what he and Scully endured are equivalent, but this dismissal left a bad taste in my mouth.

This review is so incredibly negative and I'm sorry for that. There were parts of it I had fun with. If this wasn't an XF story but instead an original universe, I might have liked it. But if this is where XF is heading... I think I'm out. Every fan has a breaking point and Scully growing lightning powers to fight Nightcrawler in a secret underground supermutant training facility is mine. I get where you're taking this train, Claudia Gray, and I respect your effort, but this is my stop.

[aesfocus]

-slides into askbox- Tell me about your Fable 3 experience. Did you save/kill Elise/Elliot? What about Shadelight? Thoughts on Ben Finn. Main weapon/spells?

I never know if I should post these things publicly but!!! lets do it I am enjoying the hell out of it once again, I still struggle with my motion sickness on PC but I think I finally have all the motion blur etc. off so should be easier go of it next time I play(I am so distracted by DATV). I killed Elliot, tho I really did debate it hard this time.(I do like Elliot's alive storyline however, normally leave him to his new love) Younger me loved Ben Finn but older me is conflicted! I still think he's a fun character overall but I do get a little frustrated with him at times. I'm somewhat boring in that I rock sword+pistols+lightning but I think I may change it up to rifles and hammer once I get a better hammer. I have this issue where I restart things and now that I have all the blur options off and it's easier to gif I think I will restart(I was right before the doomed boat ride). Which doesn't bug me as I will be more used to things, however that intro before I can do rolls and run is a pain.

I will say I used to cheese combat somehow and I do not remember how I was doing that. Part of me is like 'no play it legit' but part of me is like no... exploit it! ._. why am I like this

[small-but-oho]

Hi! I’m running over here to say THANK YOU FOR YOUR RECENT POST ABOUT DRAMATIC TENSION IN G/T!!!!

I have been shouting into the void about this with friends of mine for YEARS!!

Where did all the fear and angst in the community go?? Why is it all just rainbows and butterflies now? Having light to balance out the dark is great, don’t get me wrong, but I SOOOO agree with you: the entire basis of g/t is its very significant power imbalance.

If we’re all unwilling to acknowledge that then literally what is even the point of making something g/t in the first place? If it’s just two people hanging out… how is that g/t? Where are the stakes? What do these characters want? What are they fighting for? What makes life hard for them that they want to change?

I say this all the time: bad things NEED to happen in fiction. It’s the ONLY WAY to tell a story. Watch any movie or tv show and you’ll see this at play. We want our fictional heroes to struggle, to be afraid and to fight for something because that creates an actual plot.

I, too, am deeply disillusioned by the lack of actual fear and danger in g/t now. Let’s all be honest and acknowledge that being small next to someone so much bigger would be TERRIFYING and not without significant physical and emotional challenges to overcome.

It’s so frustrating when a small character meets a larger one and within .004 seconds they immediately trust them, with their life literally in a stranger’s hands. It’s doesn’t make any sense and leaves so many opportunities for good story telling on the table.

The struggle to adapt to a new environment, to make yourself heard in the face of invalidation, to discover you matter even though you’re different are all tropes that require some kind of unfair dynamic in order to be explored.

I find that journey to be actually super validating! Navigating a dynamic where you feel less than or not taken seriously or surrounded by danger and finding a way to fight through that? Isn’t that quite literally the textbook definition of empowerment and self actualization?

Okay, I’ve gone on long enough, but I just wanted to reach out because it’s so so so refreshing to see someone else in this community actually addressing this!

You rock! Have a wonderful day and keep exploring your story telling, because I think you’ve absolutely got the right idea!

AAAAAAAAAH THANK YOU FOR THIS MESSAGE!!!

I'm so glad you feel the same way ♥️

I legit wonder why this shift towards safe, nonconfrontational works occurred. Is it in reaction to the general state of the world? An influx in new users, who just aren't into fear and angst? Reaction to internet censorship? Idk.

And tbh it's also kinda disheartening as a dark subjects enjoyer. I do wanna write and create works that cater to my interests, but when you look into the tag, it feels like an uphill battle.

So yeah, if you want to, feel free to send me a msg off anon. Maybe we need to cultivate our own little community of like-minded people.

[ghoststyles]

weird rant lmfao

I was at the eye doctor today and he took me back to the room and said, “oh, we don’t normally use these exam rooms, but we have to use them since the normal ones are under construction”

I was like ok nbd. Then he starts the exam and we’re using the machine where they ask is this better or worse, sharper, blurrier, etc. We get to my left eye, and the lense is so smudged I can barely see out of it to begin with. Like if I took my sleeve and wiped it, stuff would come off. He’s asking me better, worse, blurry, whatever and I legit am struggling so hard. So I speak up that there is a smudge and he just kind of ignored me and kept going lol. And then I could tell he was annoyed that I couldn’t read THE LARGEST LINE of letters.

I said please come look at what I’m looking at, I can barely see anything. He goes, “oh, hm” and then just continues on!!! Like take me to another room or fucking clean it??? It’s clear since they don’t use these exam rooms that it wasn’t prepped for a patient…….

So now I have this prescription and I’m so paranoid that it’s not even the right one and if I call they’ll make me pay out of pocket for another exam. I can see fine with both eyes open which is obviously most important, but I’m just so put off

[hauntingblue]

Hello👋, 🍉❤️🖤🤍💚

I am reaching out to you today with an urgent plea to support my family, who has been deeply affected by the war. These difficult circumstances have placed unexpected challenges upon us, and we are now struggling to make it through this tough period.

Our immediate goal is to raise 1000 euros to help ease some of the pressure and allow my family to stay strong.

Any contribution, no matter how small, will make a significant difference for us and provide a glimmer of hope during these hard times.💔

I deeply appreciate any support you can offer.Thank you so much for your generosity and compassion🙏

https://gofund.me/107a8322

Hello, I hope your situaiton gets better soon, I can share your campaign right now.

Help Sami and his family:

€ 215 / 35,000

Unvetted but seems legit

[symptoms-syndrome]

Hi! I’m curious to hear (in a vague way) what the process was like uncovering the DID if you’re comfortable answering. Like how long did it take? Did your therapist(s)/treatment team first consider other diagnoses? And anything else you feel comfortable sharing.

Hihi! This is sort of a hard question to answer for me, but I can try!

What constitutes my "treatment team" is sort of hard to define in this sense, because IDK if you mean "the ppl over the course of my life" or like "the one who wrote it on paper."

I've been seeing a therapist since I was 6 years old. I started going to outpatient programs like when I was in my early teens for Behavioral Problems. In those I was diagnosed with everything in the book so like. In that sense other diagnoses were considered? I think by the time I was 18 and kicked out of the house/able to see a professional of my own volition not connected to my parents/disciplinary programs, I was mostly labeled as BPD, PTSD, depression + anxiety, OCD, maybe NPD or ODD. I don't really give a single shit about any of those because I don't define myself by diagnoses anymore, or try not to, and my therapists as an adult told me it was majorly fucked that I was diagnosed with all that as a teenager. Most of them weren't even legit they were just labels to try and pin down why I was a Bad Kid. Spoiler for that, the answer was that generally teenagers act out when they're subject to intense trauma basically all the time and aren't listened to and are institutionalized. Tends to fuck your brain up real bad. I'm a lot better now not bc I got over the laundry list of diagnoses, but because I'm in like. A stable and supportive and independent environment.

I was officially diagnosed as an adult, exact ages escape me but probably like 19? It came as a surprise to me but fit like a glove re: my experiences with memory loss, not remembering where I am, meeting people who have met me before but I didn't remember, people telling me I did things I don't think I would, etc. It was really upsetting to hear because it's such a. Permanent and perception-of-life altering disorder. I was definitely hoping it was something that could be like. Cured more easily. It was also definitely hard to come to terms with the fact my childhood was That Bad, when I didn't really think it was before.

My therapist at the time said it was almost stupidly obvious that was what I had, even tho I wasn't like. Aware of it.

So like. How long did it take is hard to answer. Overall, if you count all the time I was being seen by psychiatric "professionals?" Over 10 years. If you count just that therapist? Like one year.

I'm a lil scatterbrained RN, so I might add more detail later or if u send another ask. I guess the question is so open and vague it's hard to answer without a full autobiography LMAO.

But I guess it would be useful to know why you wanna know. Then I could probably give a better answer. Are you considering the diagnosis for yourself? Are you trying to see if ur experience is shared w others? But also keep in mind I'm a weird little anti-psych dog who in general rejects the idea of seeking diagnosis for treatment. RN in therapy I mostly talk about my day to day struggles with whatever (like "damn, I've been really fixated on [specific trauma] this week" or "I made a friend" or "I'm really stressed about this argument I had" or "later this week im going on a date and i don't wanna fuck it up") and occasionally parts stuff comes up. Therapy hasn't majorly changed I don't think. Then again I'm real shit brain right now and my memory sucks ass. Maybe I can answer better later I just know if I didn't answer at all I'd forget.

[austinsgirl]

Rather Die | Chapter 19 | Austin Butler Fanfiction

word count: 2475

warnings: language, baby/pregnancy talk?

cross posted on wattpad

masterlist

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Mila has been staying with Victoria all week while Austin is in New York. They've been baking, watching Christmas movies, wrapping presents, facials, and of course watching their fave reality TV while having a snack fest.

Vic was going to go, but realized if she couldn't fly to Denver for Thanksgiving to be with Ashton, she couldn't fly to NYC to be with Austin.

But, Austin promised her he'll take her and the baby next year for Christmas so she can see the Rockettes.

"Have you even heard from Austin this week?" Mila asked Victoria as they frost cookies together.

"I heard from him once, and that's it. He was just checking in. He's been so busy rehearsing. And probably making out with Juliet in his downtime when he does have it."

Juliet & Austin have yet to make it official, but honestly anytime now Austin could be asking her to be his. They've been very smitten these past few weeks. So much, he invited her out to New York to see him on SNL.

Mila chuckles, "And you say you aren't jealous."

"Because I'm not."

"Girl...."

"I promise you, I am not jealous."

"Alright, if you say so. But if you're not jealous, then what's your deal with her?"

"She's nice but she just doesn't seem right for him."

"How so?"

"I feel like she might be using him for his fame."

"Why do you say that?"

"Because she's an aspiring writer or some shit."

"Oh...hm." Mila gives a short response, not really knowing what to say. "Maybe."

After they finish frosting cookies, they put them into Tupperware containers to keep them fresh, then go into the living room to watch Austin on SNL.

"I have my sister Ashley here with me tonight! Ashley, I love you! And I also have a very special someone here, Juliet, my girlfriend! Love you, baby!" Austin said during his opening monologue.

Victoria's mouth dropped open, with wide eyes. So did Mila's.

"Umm...did he tell you they made it official?" Mila asks.

"No? What the hell? When did this happen? Why didn't he tell me?"

"No idea."

They continued watching the episode & although Victoria was upset with him, she couldn't help but to laugh at his skits. Especially when he's playing an old Jewish grandma.

"Oh my god. Goddamn it, Austin. I just laughed so hard I legit peed myself. The struggles of being pregnant." Victoria says, getting up from the couch to go change her underwear and bottoms.

"That's gotta be fun." Mila says sarcastically.

"Yep, so much fun."

They finish the episode & Vic gives it a bit before calling Austin.

"Hey! How'd you like the show?!" Austin says loudly into the phone, with music in background.

"It was uh, great! But um,-

Austin cuts her off, "Hold on! Let me go outside, I'm at the after party and it's loud! Julie, I'll be right back, it's Vic!"

Vic hears Juliet reply, "Okay!"

"Hey, sorry. I'm outside now. What we're you saying?"

"I was saying it was great!" Vic says, but now she's getting a bit of an attitude with him. "But why didn't you tell me you made it official with Juliet?"

"Did I not?"

"No? Not that I can recall."

"Why are you getting an attitude with me? I'm sorry if I didn't tell you."

"Austin, we're having a baby together. I think I should know what's going on in my parenting partners life."

"I know we're having a baby together, and I have been telling you everything but I forgot this one thing. I'm sorry, okay?  It's been a really hectic week, it slipped my mind. I'm sorry."

"How long ago did you ask her?"

"I asked her on Tuesday."

"The day we spoke."

"I guess? Was that when we talked?"

"Yes."

"Well, I asked her that night. We spoke that afternoon."

"But you still didn't even think to tell me."

"Listen Vic, rehearsals were insane, and then I was so caught up in moments with her that I forgot. I'm sorry you had to find out this way."

"Yeah, it's whatever, I guess."

"Vic..."

"What?"

"You know it's not just 'whatever'"

"It's fine. I accept your apology." she rolls her eyes.

"Thank you. How are you doing though? Are you alright? Is the baby alright?"

"Yep, we're both peachy keene. Um, by the way, you made me legit piss myself."

Austin laughs, "Wait, really?"

"Yes." she giggles. "Lois was funny as hell, Aus. I didn't know you could play an old Jewish lady."

He laughs some more, "Yeah, I didn't know either. This show really got me to come out of my shell. You know how shy I can be sometimes."

"I know."

"I should get back inside before Juliet starts to worry & look for me."

"Yeah, no problem. You fly home tomorrow?"

"Yes, we're getting on a red eye tomorrow after the Rockettes."

"Oh, you're still going to that?"

"Yeeaahh, Julie wanted to go."

"Oh. Julie wanted to go."

"She did. Don't worry, I'll bring you back something. I promise. And I'll take you next year."

"I'm holding you to it, Butler."

"I know you will, Williams."

"So sometime tomorrow night you'll be back then?"

"Yeah, we get in around 2:45 am, so technically Monday morning."

"Alright, sounds good. I will see you then."

"Alright. I'll keep you updated."

"Okay. I'll talk to soon."

"Bye, love you....as a friend."

"...love you too. Bye."

Victoria hangs up the phone with a puzzled look.

"Did he say he loves you?" Mila asks.

"Yeah, but he clarified it 'as a friend'."

"You think he may mean it romantically still?"

"God, I hope not. I mean, this man, who usually keeps his relationships private, announced his current relationship on live TV and said he loves her."

"That's true. I mean, I'm sure he still loves you in some way and will always love you. You are carrying his baby right now."

"Yeah, you're not wrong."

It's the next night, currently 3:45 am Monday morning.

Victoria hears commotion going on in the kitchen, & she gets startled.

She grabs her small baseball bat that she keeps by her bed. Her dad gave it to her to keep with her close just in case an intruder were to ever come in.

Vic slowly walks out into the hallway; she continues to hear noise.

"Austin? Is that you?" she calls out.

"Yeah, it's me!" he calls out.

"Oh, thank god." she drops her stance with the bat and goes into the kitchen, with a hand over her beating chest.

"I'm sorry we woke you & scared you."

"It's fine. I thought you would have been back already."

"Did you not see my text? I texted you saying our flight was delayed by an hour."

"Oh. No, I didn't get anything from you."

"Must have not gone through, the airport didn't have the greatest service or Wi-Fi."

"Yeah, must've."

"Is Mila still here?"

"Yeah, she's still set up on the air mattress in the baby's room. She's a heavy sleeper."

"Gotcha. Well, Julie and I are going to head off to bed. You should get back to bed too."

"Yeah, I should. Good night."

"Night."

Victoria takes herself back to bed & lays there, letting her thoughts run.

"Julie and I are going to head off to bed." she thinks to herself in a mocking tone.

"Julie. Since when has Julie been a nickname for Juliet? Has it always? I don't know but it makes me cringe. Also, we're they making out as soon as they got in here? I swear Austin's lips looked more pink than usual and kind of swollen. Those perfect, plump, pink lips of his. Fuck, stop. No. We're not going there. I have Ashton. He needs to get his ass over here more often if I have to essentially third wheel around here now. Fuck. Now that they're official, I'll see her here all the time. Great. Just great. Ugh. I really hope he knows what he's doing. She better not be in it for his money and fame. I'll slap a bitch if that's the case."

After Vic finished ranting to herself, she drifted back off to sleep.

In the morning, she wakes up and goes out to the kitchen to grab her protein shake & some breakfast.

She notices Austin & Juliet snuggled up on the couch, kissing each other here & there.

"Morning." she says to them.

"Morning, sleepy head." Austin says. "I'm surprised you weren't up before us."

"Yeah, I had a rough night. Baby girl was very active last night & kept me up."

"I'm sorry she was being a little monster." Austin jokes a little.

"It's fine. Maybe I'll try and nap later. What are your guy's plans for today?"

"We're going to go try and finish our Christmas shopping while Juliet has a day off. What about you?"

"Um, I don't know. I'll have to see what Ash is up to."

"Alright. Well, you're more than welcome to join us, if you two want to tag along. Maybe make it a double date kind of thing."

"Uh, yeah! That'd be fun! Let me text him."

"Double date? God. Sounds horrific, but I'll play along just because I know I have to for the sake of being civil with Austin."  Vic thinks to herself as she pulls her phone out. "At least I'll have Ashton with me & maybe this way I can really see how Juliet is with Austin."

Victoria texts Ashton, and he's down to go shopping.

"Ash is down. What time are we going?" she asks.

"Around noon. Is that good?"

"Yeah, that should be fine. I'll let him know."

Mila comes out into the kitchen, "Morning, guys." she yawns. "Welcome back, Austin."

"Thanks, Mila." he smiles. "Have you met Juliet?"

"I haven't. Hi, I'm Mila. Vic's best friend, cast mate, and former roommate." Mila says to Juliet.

"Hi! Nice to meet you." Juliet smiles. She turns to Austin, "Hey Aus, I'm gonna go to the bathroom. I'll be right back."

"Alright, I'll be here." Austin smiles, giving her a quick kiss.

Victoria purses her lips in annoyed way and raises her eyebrows.

Mila asks quietly, "What's wrong?"

"She called him Aus."

"So?"

"That's my name for him. I came up with it. I'm the only one who calls him that." Vic whispers.

Mila crosses her arms, "Jealousy, jealousy."

"Will you stop saying that??"

"No, not until you admit it."

"There's nothing to admit."

"Okay, if you say so."

Austin says from the living room, "Mila, we're all going last minute shopping if you want to join."

"I can't unfortunately. I gotta get home and pack & drive down to San Diego to be with family for a couple days before my moms go to visit my brother across seas in Italy. But, thanks for the invite!"

"Yeah, no problem! I didn't know you were from San Diego."

"Yeah, my brother and I were adopted & we have two moms down there. My brother is currently doing some work in Italy. I would go too, but it's just so expensive right now. But, I'll be with you guys for Christmas! You will both have to come visit with me sometime. They always take my friends in as their own."

"I'd love to." Vic smiles.

"Yeah, that'd be great. Get out of the city for a couple days." Austin says.

"I'll have to let you know next time I go."

"For sure." Vic says.

Juliet comes back from the bathroom and sits back down with Austin.

"You okay, babe? You were in there for a bit." he asks.

"Yeah, I'm fine. Just got my period is all, so, you know."

"Gotcha."

"Vic, what's it like not having a period? Is being pregnant better?" Juliet asks her.

"Um, mostly it is. For me, at least. I always have the worst cramps, so I'll take baby girl practicing her high kicks in the womb any day. But, I've heard it's different for everyone. Some pregnancies can be more painful than periods."

"Good to know for the future." she smiles at Austin. He shyly smiles back.

Vic thinks to herself, "She's not already planning their future together now, is she?"

Mila says her goodbyes to everyone before heading off.

Eventually, Ashton meets everyone at the house & they all go out for lunch at a local diner first before shopping.

"I can't believe I'm hanging out with THE Ashton from The Driver Era." Juliet gushes. "I love your band; I've seen you play live a few times before."

"Aw, thank you!" Ashton replies.

"Yeah, he's great, isn't he?" Vic looks at Ashton all lovingly.

"He really is." Juliet smiles.

"Hey, don't go crushing on someone else, baby girl." Austin says to Juliet.

"I'm not, I'm not." Juliet laughs.

Hearing Austin say, 'baby girl', made Vic feel things she doesn't & shouldn't be feeling.

She distracts herself by rubbing her hand on Ashton's thigh under the table. Ash shoots her a sly smirk, and whispers into her ear, "You trying to get frisky right now?"

"Maybe." she giggles.

"Don't worry, you'll get me later." he winks.

"Oh, will I now?"

"Mhm."

"Get a room, you two." Austin jokes. 

"Hey, I could have said the same thing about you guys this morning." Victoria jokes back.

"What? Weren't doing anything."

"I saw you guys being all flirty and making out."

"We weren't making out." 

"If you say so."

Juliet chimes in, "Are you two always like this? Just bantering all the time?"

"Haha, yeah. We used to not get along very well after some things happened on set, and that banter has stuck through our friendship."

"I see. Was it because of...?"

"Yeaaahh." Vic replies. "Now that she's out of all of our lives, we all have moved passed everything and can be friends."

"That's great to hear." Juliet smiles.

Throughout lunch, whenever Austin & Juliet did something cute & romantic, Victoria felt the need to one up them and do something romantic with Ashton.

As they were heading out to the car, Austin let Ashton & Juliet get ahead, and he pulled Vic back a bit.

"Hey, are you like, jealous of me & Julie?" Austin asks Vic. 

"No? Why would you ask that?"

"I feel like you kept trying to one up us."

"No, I wasn't. You can think that though if you want. Are you sure you're still not jealous of Ash & I?"

"I'm positive."

"Then alright, case closed. No jealousy detected."

"Whatever you say, Williams."

"Shut up, Butler. I am not jealous. End of discussion."

"Fuck." Vic thinks to herself. "Maybe I am jealous. And if I am, I need to stop myself."

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