#have you considered that maybe the person who started on monday isn’t being a bitch and is just shy

[j-esbian]

god i wish my coworkers would stop acting like we’re in fucking high school

[headheartbellarke]

I Wish You Would | CHARLIE GILLESPIE

Requested by anon: “hello🌼 could u please write a charlie x reader imagine when he posts a picture on his instagram story with a girl to makes his crush jealous, but she end up distancing herself from him bc she's hurt and respect what she thinks is his relationship” PAIRING(s): Charlie Gillespie x fem!reader WORDS: 2,445 WARNING(s): angst w a happy ending, some language SUMMARY: “I wish you knew that I'd never forget you as long as I'd live."

A/N: hi, everyone!! really, really sorry that this took so long. haven’t had the best march tbh, and writer’s block is a bitch. && this isn’t very good, either, but i had to get something done. love u <3

TEN HOURS EARLIER

“And… post!” Charlie taps his phone, grinning brightly.

Owen cheers from behind him, his voice meshing into the humdrum of the bar they’re currently at. “I’m so proud of you!”

His friend laughs, spinning around in the bar stool to face him. “She’ll finally understand what it feels like!”

Owen nods frantically, taking another sip of the drink in his hand.

Charlie copies his movement – a part of him knows that he is absolutely hammered, but the bigger part of him doesn’t care. He’s had a long day, and he deserves this.

Besides, how else would he and his best friend have thought of this wonderful plan if they didn’t have a billion drinks in their system?

PRESENT

A knock on the door pulls Y/N from her thoughts. “Come in!” She yells, but her voice comes out feeble and hoarse, probably from all the crying she’s been doing for the past hour.

As the door swings open, her best friend, Savannah, pokes her head in. “Hey, babe. You all right?”

Y/N sniffs. “M’fine.”

Savannah enters the room, closing the door softly behind her. She walks to the window, opening the curtains, and Y/N groans when light floods into the previously dark room.

She sits on the bed beside Y/N, and Y/N rests her head on her shoulder as she pulls the covers up to cover their bodies.

“I’m sure that they’re not dating.” Savannah says, wrapping an arm around her best friend.

Y/N chuckles sadly. “You don’t have to lie to make me feel better, Sav. I mean, in the photo, he was kissing her cheek. Literally. And he put a heart between them.”

Savannah sighs. “That’s so not Charlie, you know… kissing random girls in bars and posting pictures with them.”

“Yeah, that’s so not Charlie, because she’s not a random girl. Her name’s Francesca and she went to high school with him, so, technically, she’s known him longer, and probably better than me.”

“I – I had no idea.”

“Yeah.”

“Y/N, babe, just tell him about how you feel. I’m sure that he likes you too.”

“If he liked me, then he wouldn’t be kissing Francesca!”

Y/N exhales, as Savannah gulps, not knowing what to respond. “Y/N, I – I swear, he’s crazy about you. I don’t know what happened between last Friday and today, but I swear – the Charlie that I know – has eyes for no one but you.”

Y/N rolls her eyes, feeling a pang in her heart at Savannah’s words. “Savannah, we kissed and then he ghosted me for a day and now he’s posting pictures of him kissing another girl! I think he has eyes for everyone!”

Savannah bites her lower lip, not knowing what to respond, again. Her best friend feels tears prick at the back of her eyes when she says, “Maybe I’m a bad kisser.”

Savannah’s eyes widen, and she sits up, straight. “No. No. Babe, no. Don’t say that, ever. You’re a great kisser, okay! You’re an amazing kisser. Your lips are fine as hell, believe me. He’s the one with crusty ass lips. They’re not even lips, they look like… like… peanuts.”

Y/N stares at her best friend for a moment, before saying, “Peanuts, Sav? Really?”

“It’s the first thing that came into my mind!” She says defensively, before the girls break into a fit of laughter.

“I’m never talking to him again, ever.” Y/N says after they’ve calmed down. “I’m never even gonna look in his direction. Fucking asshole.”

*

Charlie sighs, taking another sip of his coffee. It’s eight in the morning, and he’s normally a morning person – he loves the mornings, the peace, the quiet, and the feeling that comes along with it more than anything, but right now, he just feels… sad.

On regular days, he would be talking to his best friend, Y/N, about everything that’s on his mind. But today’s different.

Last Friday, Y/N kissed him, and long story sort, it was the best thing that’s ever happened to him. After work that day, they went to get some food at a drive through, like they usually do. All throughout the ride, they made plans to go hiking once the production for season two finishes. She drove the car to a lookout, and oh, god, it was so pretty. The midnight sky was littered with stars, and since they were at the edge of town, there was less pollution, and they could see bits of the galaxy, too.

But, for some reason, the girl next to him seemed more beautiful than anything he’s ever seen, and after they finished eating, he just sat and stared at her talk about the last book that she’d read, for a while. He knows that it was terrible that he wasn’t listening – but how could he pay attention to anything when she looked like that, especially with passion illuminating her face like times square on New Year’s Eve?

She had looked at him as if he’d just grown a third head. “Why are you looking at me like that?”

“Li – like what?” He’d asked, embarrassed to be blatantly caught.

“Like that…” She’d said and kissed him, and it felt like he was seeing colour for the first time. Although, the next day, everything turned to shit.

Now, it’s Monday, and she’s nowhere to be seen. He desperately wants to know if his and Owen’s plan actually worked (no reason that it wouldn’t), and he feels so impatient right now, and he misses her. Also, his massive hangover isn’t helping, either.

He hears his name being called, and sees Kenny smiling at him.

“Hey, so we’re gonna do a different scene today, since Y/N and Savannah are out, is that okay with you?”

His heart races. “What happened to them?”

“Y/N’s sick, and Savannah’s taking care of her.”

“Oh. Yeah, it’s okay with me.” He says, feeling his heart sink to the bottom of his stomach.

*

“This is the last time I’m asking you this…” Y/N sings, wiping her nose with the sleeve of her sweater.

“Put my name at the top of your list!” Savannah sings, using Y/N’s straightener as a mic.

“This is the last time I’m asking you why!” Madison joins.

“You break my heart in the blink of an eye, eye, eye!” Jadah sings, jumping on the bed.

As the second verse comes on, the girls sit on Y/N’s bed, huddled close to each other.

“You know, I’m feeling better now than I did when I woke up.” Y/N says, resting her chin on her knees.

“Taylor Swift can fix anything.” Madison says, leaning her head on Y/N’s shoulder.

She nods. “And y’all. Thanks for being here.”

Jadah grins, wrapping an arm around her. “We couldn’t let you have a pity party all alone!”

Savannah laughs. “I’m gonna kill him, I swear.”

“As relieving as that would be, don’t. I’ve decided what I should do.”

Madison quirks a brow. “You’re gonna kill him yourself?”

“Madi! No. I’m gonna distance myself.”

Savannah tilts her head. “I think that maybe you two should talk it out.”

“I don’t think so. I need space, time to figure it out. My head feels like a mess. And I respect him and Francesca, and I’m not gonna dip my toes between them.”

The other girls solemnly nod their head.

“You do realize that that’s not actually the saying?” Jadah says, after a while.

“Don’t embarrass me, kid.”

*

Charlie exhales, watching his breath crystallize to tiny ice particles in front of him. Even though, he’s a Canadian, he still feels cold. Although maybe it’s not due to the weather, but due to the coldness in Y/N’s eyes.

He watches her chat with Jeremy a few feet away, both of them discussing something that is out of bounds to him. He knows that it’s probably decisions regarding their characters, considering Y/N’s character is Jeremy’s character, Reggie’s love interest, but a part of him feels like it’s shit about him.

He has no reason to feel that way, of course. He hasn’t spoken to Y/N in four days, and this morning, when he saw her after for what feels to be eternity, he was blatantly ignored. He had only watched helplessly as Y/N exited the room the moment he entered and had sunk into his chair feeling like absolute shit, especially with everyone’s pitiful stares.

Charlie’s mind keeps replaying each moment, torturing over every tiny detail, wondering what he did wrong.

And that’s when it hits him: she really doesn’t want him anymore.

Last Saturday, he had hopelessly watched her with her long-term boyfriend of god-knows-how-long – he had come to surprise her on set, and it was Charlie that was more surprised. Because he thought that they were over, for good. And it wasn’t like they seemed like they weren’t dating. They were acting just like they used to when they were dating, and he was too close to her for his comfort. They still laughed the same, joked around the same, and were just as inseparable as they used to be.

A question kept rising in Charlie’s mind, like an icicle to his heart: why would she kiss him when she already had someone else? Why would she give him hope, and then take it all away? Why would she dangle his hurt in front of him?

So, he decided to give her a taste of her own medicine, and posted a picture with Francesca, his high school friend, who he had run into that night.

Owen sinks into the chair beside Charlie. “You okay?”

“I’m starting to believe that our plan didn’t work.”

*

“Hey, uh, Y/N?”

The girl in question hears Charlie’s voice, and turns around, avoiding looking into his eyes.

“Can we talk?” He says, and for a moment, her defences are down again. He looks so… tired, almost like he’s going through the same things that she is. Almost like there’s an explanation as to why he broke her heart, why he ruined something that had the potential to be extraordinary, why he made her feel so bad about herself.

And she almost believes it, too. Like the fool she is.

She presses her lips into a thin line, and says, “Nothing to talk about.”

As Charlie opens his mouth to protest, she smiles and walks away.

*

“Okay, Charlie, you two need to talk it out. This is too much. Both of you are obviously hurting, and there’s obviously some serious miscommunication here.”

Charlie shakes his head at Savannah’s words. “She hates me.”

“No. She could never hate you.” She says, thrusting her phone in Charlie’s face. His eyes squint to read the text on the screen – from Y/N.

Sorry – forgot to leave a note. Drove down to Dad’s, gonna stay here for a while. It’s too painful – honestly, you know what? I’m still very, very, very mad at him. But I’m also missing him very, very, very much. So, I need to flush it out. Flush him out. He might be a jerk, but he’s still one of the best people that I’ve ever met. Love you, okay? Will return when the time is right.

Charlie’s eyes widen, and he stares at Savannah’s face for a while. “There – there is still hope!”

She nods frantically. “You should call her –”

“I’m gonna drive down to her dad’s house, too!”

“That works, too.”

*

A frantic knock on the front door pulls Y/N from her thoughts. She stops typing on her keyboard, and flips the lid shut, keeping it on the dining table in front of her.

She runs to her dad’s door, knowing that it’s him, back from his shopping. She opens the door, saying, “Let me take those for – Charlie?!”

Y/N’s heart swells at his sight as he grins sheepishly.

“So, there’s been some misunderstandings… can I come in?” He asks, and Y/N pauses, considering.

He sighs, and adds, “Please?”

She stares at him.

He juts his bottom lip out. “Pretty please?”

“Fine, come in.”

He closes the door behind him, wordlessly following Y/N, who feels like she might hurl right now. They sit on the couch, and it’s really, really awkward for a few seconds.

Y/N sighs. “You said you –”

“Yes. Yes, yeah. OK, so – I, uh, I –”

She couldn’t hold it in anymore. “Why would you do that to me? Do I really mean that little to you?”

“I could say the same about you!”

“Really?”

“Yes! I saw you with Shahid that day, I know that you two are back together –”

“Shahid?!”

“Yes!”

She stares at him, baffled.

“So…so… Francesca….”

“I only posted the picture to make you jealous! She asked me if I wanted to go out with her and the rest of my high school friends, and of course I went, and she saw that I was being a little… unsocial. So, I told her about how the girl that I’m completely crazy about has a boyfriend! And a long term one at that, too! And then Owen came up with a brilliant plan, and I guess you know what it was. Now, I’m realizing that it might not have worked.”

She stares at him for a moment, before she bursts out laughing. Charlie throws her a confused look.

“You – you thought that Shahid – Shahid, my best friend since we were in nappies, Shahid who is married to this amazing man, and at whose wedding I was the maid of honour – you thought that I was dating him?”

“He’s gay?!”

“Bisexual. Oh my god, I have to tell him. This is hilarious.”

Charlie bites the corner of his lower lip, feeling his cheeks heat up. “This is really embarrassing. But you two act like you’re dating!”

“No, we don’t. You’re just being insecure and jealous. I’ve known him forever, and yes, I am the most comfortable around him. Because he’s my family. He’s my brother. Oh, god, I can’t believe that you were jealous of him – wait, have you thought that we were dating this whole time?”

“Kind of. I thought you guys broke up when he didn’t visit you on set during the first two months of production.”

“He was helping feed kids in Somali.”

“Oh. Oh. God, I feel so –”

“Dumb? That’s because you are.”

He grins sheepishly, his cheeks crimson.

Y/N smiles. “But I forgive you. And I wouldn’t mind if you took me on a proper date this time.”

“Deal. Also, promise that we’ll always talk it out before… you know… doing anything?”

She laughs, and nods. He wraps his pinkie finger around hers.

“Well, Owen’s plan did kind of work, though.”

[hello-everyfandom]

"But, you did insult my boyfriend, and that simply won’t slide.”

Warnings: Horrible, horrible language and bad words.

Pairing: Remus Lupin x Reader

Words: 1.2k

Summary: Remus Lupin has a short, fiery girlfriend who isn’t afraid of telling someone off.

(Y’all I’m 4′10 and I literally dream of being Remus Lupin’s short girlfriend)

Remus Lupin wasn’t necessarily quiet nor shy. He spoke out in classes and made snarky comments to the boys. He’s made conversation with at least more than half of his year and made a lasting impression on his teacher’s that would surely give him good marks on his papers. However, compared to you, his lovely girlfriend, he might as well be considered silent. Remus loved the way you resembled a firecracker, loud and ready to explode. It was both endearing and entertaining to see your hot temper and rather an eruptive self as you were also quite short. Compared to your large and lanky boyfriend, he could easily tuck your head under his chin; and you had, sadly, to go on your tippy-toes in order to give him a right kiss. Nevertheless, you had quite a fiery personality and had a way of capturing a room with your words. Heaven should bless any daft bloke who dares piss you off, because not only were you extremely skilled in hexes and jinxes, you were also skilled in the most dangerous of all: words. Remus feels an immense amount of pride swelling in his chest, pounding against his ribs when he sees you standing up for what’s right. Earlier this year, you stood your ground against Nathanial Vincents, a Slytherin in the year above you, who was unrightfully picking on a Hufflepuff. He remembered hearing a commotion come from the Grand Courtyard and Sirius turning from the crowd giving him a holler,

“Mate, get over here. Your girlfriend is about to murder Vincent!”

Remus pushed forward, saying a polite excuse me before standing between his group of mates and staring at the scene in front of him. He gaped as he saw you, hair pulled up into a ponytail with strands flailing about, wand out, and an infuriated look on your face.

James slapped Remus’ shoulder with amusement, “This Lil one’s a firecracker, huh?” 

Remus barely heard him as he watched you yell, “You slimy, absolute arsed-faced, foul botched piece of sperm. If I hear you ever even utter that word again, I will rip off your balls and shove them down your bloody throat!” Remus could tell you were absolutely enraged as he watched your fist clench and unclench rapidly.

“You’re nothing but a blood traitor. You think you’re so brave for standing up for this disgusting mudblood.” Vincent pointed at the first-year Hufflepuff who was fighting back tears. The crowd gasped, and a few people in the crowd even yelled at him. Remus watched your eyes narrow and your cheeks become red with fury, 

“How dare you!” you raised your wand, and before you could utter a devastating jinx, Remus rushed from the crowd and grabbed your arm.

“I know you’re upset,” he whispered in your ear softly, “but don’t give him your time of day. He’s nothing but a prat anyways.” 

You huffed and sank closer to Remus, keeping an eye on Vincent who seemed to have fright glimmer in his eyes. You glanced at the small Hufflepuff near you who stumbled a small ‘thank you’ before disappearing into the crowd. Sirius, Peter, and James all joined you with praise and a pat on the back.  

“I thought the poor man was going to piss himself, then I would’ve likely pissed myself from laughing so hard.” Sirius wrapped an arm around James who said,

“Look at our little Firecracker! Remus, you’ve got a handful here.”

Remus blushed and scratched the back of his neck. He grabbed your hand and began to lead you away from the Courtyard when Vincent yelled with shaky newfound bravery formed from embarrassment,

“Go on then, maybe after you’ve given your bitch of a boyfriend a shag, you can give the rest of us a turn. We all know you’re nothing but a blood traitor slag,”

All four marauders turned around immediately, gripping these wands. Remus gritted his teeth whilst the boys cursed twisted words at Vincent’s face. You were still facing the wall, letting out a bored sigh.

“Normally, I’d hex you into oblivion. However, I have come to the realization that you, Vincent, have a small penis.” Gasps and giggles spread across the crowd as Vincent’s cheeks burned with embarrassment, “How do I know that, you ask? Not because I’m a slag, no, but because why else would someone go through all the effort into being such a shitty person? Truthfully, you can insult me, I can’t be arsed to give a second thought about you. But, you did insult my boyfriend, and” you tutted your tongue, “that simply won’t slide.”

Before anyone could really comprehend anything that happened and before Vincent could even pick up his limp little wand to defend himself, you had whipped around at such a speed, your hair nearly came loose from your ponytail. You snapped your wand at him and with extreme gusto, you shouted,

“Furnunculus!”

The boys and your amazed boyfriend watched Nathanial fly backward into some shrubs and land with a thud. His Slytherin friends rushed over to help him up and slightly dispersed enough so the crowd could see the horror you had placed upon him. On top of his greasy, disgusting face laid a thousand boils filled with yellow puss. A smell emanated from his pimples and covered not only the entirety of his head, but also his neck as well. Nathaniel let out a shriek of curses before storming away.

“Moony,” Peter said slowly, “I think you may have to marry this woman.”

Remus swallowed and agreed, “Wormtail, I couldn’t agree more.”

Sirius and James were too busy rolling around on the grass, holding their stomachs to say anything. Wheezing and huffing, Sirius tried to stand up only to fall on his arse.

“Anyways, boys, shall we head to Dinner?” you put your wand back in your robe and asked innocently, “Oh, sweetheart,” you said, reaching up to wipe Remus’ lips, “You have a little chocolate on your face,” 

Remus blushed and reached to hold your hand, he bent his knees and lowered his head to press a kiss on your awaiting lips, “You’re amazing,” he breathed.

“More than amazing!” James finally stood, desperately catching his breath, “This woman is godly.”

When classes started on Monday, you had forgotten all about your moment as a hex Goddess and walked the hallways with Remus. Hand in hand, you pointed at numerous things and made some particularly crude jokes that while Remus laughed at, found to be too inappropriate to be told anywhere else but Remus’ bed. 

“Oh bloody, fucking, shit balls. I forgot my extra parchment. Buggering asscheeks and tossing bird shite, I think I may have to go back to the dorm to grab some.” You said quite loudly. Remus had gotten used to apologizing for you to the people around you, he sent a friendly nod to the fellow students who turned to see who was cursing like a sailor and a small apology to the Professors who so unfortunately overheard you. 

“Sorry,” he mouthed at a second-year Ravenclaw who stared with shocked wide eyes.

“Love, calm down, yeah? Here,” He reached into his bag to pull out a few slips of parchment, “not a problem.” He slipped it into your bag making you smile happily.

“Remus, I swear if you asked me to chop off my tits, I’d do it. That’s how much I love you,”

Your boyfriend hummed, again used to your silly language, and said “I love you too, Darling.” pressed a small kiss to your cheek and continued to walk down the corridors to class.

[rhysismydaddy]

Felons pt. 1 (Nessian)

Nessian multichapter. Next part out probably Monday. As always, this one just sets up some stuff so it’s kinda boring. This one’s probably going to be long. And an emotional roller coaster. Just letting you know :) 

Lightly based off the book The Witness. I say lightly because I’ve actually never even read this book, but my mom told me about it. ALSO no offense to anyone who’s from/lives in Nebraska lol.

Cassian swiveled around in his chair and looked at his partner with raised brows. “She’s in Nebraska?”

“That’s what I just said, isn’t it?”

Someone’s a little testy today. He ignores the tone and repeats, “But... Nebraska? What the hell is she doing there? And why did it take us so long to find her?”

Azriel gives him a tight look, and he realizes the reason for his pissy attitude. He’s annoyed it took him so long to track her down. 

Before he can tell his partner it isn’t his fault, he says, “She isn’t doing much. She’s completely off the grid. Which answers your second stupid question, too.”

“Okay... how off the grid are we talking?”

The woman had grown up in a penthouse, for fuck’s sake. He couldn’t imagine her living in the middle of nowhere without any of the comfort she’d lived with her entire life. 

“No cell phone or bank records for the last two years. The last time she was seen by any sort of traffic camera was before that, and it was in Atlanta.” He scrolls through something on his desktop with a frown. “From what I can tell, she took all her money out in cash and hoped on a bus.”

Nothing about that sounded like the woman he’d been reading about, but he wasn’t about to argue with Azriel in such a bad mood. “So she went straight to Nebraska?”

“I don’t know.”

His least favorite answer. “How’d you find her, anyway?”

“Well, I figured that unless she was sleeping under a bridge, she had to be paying rent somewhere. So I went state by state, looking at new property purchases under her known aliases.” Azriel sighs, running a hand through his dark hair. “But that didn’t pull up any results, so I looked at all the IDs on new renter’s insurance purchases until I matched one to her.”

His eyebrows rose. “That’s...”

“Tedious as shit.”

“Yeah.”

“That’s why it took so damn long,” he mutters. “She’s been careful, Cass. I mean really, really careful.”

A laugh bubbled out of him at that. “Well, she should be. She’s a felon.”

~Nesta~

Nesta’s breath clouded in front of her as she ran up the hill, panting like crazy. Even though she’d taken up running after the move, she still fucking hated it. Especially when it was cold. 

Which, in Nebraska, was somehow year round.  

Even the summers here were cold compared to back home-

No. Not home. 

This was home now. 

California was slowly, painfully becoming a distant memory, and she had to constantly force herself to remember that Mackenzie Brooks had never lived there. She was born in Michigan. She has no family or friends. Her hobbies include reading and running (the last of which was a definite mistake to include). 

And she was her. 

God, it honestly was a miracle she hadn’t slipped up yet. 

Maybe it was still the fear that drove her. Maybe it was just that she knew she could never go back to her old life. No matter that she wanted to.

No matter that she’d picked up and left without a word.  No matter that her sisters probably thought she was dead. 

Thankfully, she made it to the top of the hill before she passed out or died, and she bent over, sucking down the freezing air. It was only October, but it was already cold enough to force her to wear three layers and a beanie. 

Despite being miserable and cold, she forced herself to go through her training course. 

Because it couldn’t just be enough to be fit enough to run away anymore. If the person chasing her was faster... 

Nesta punched her hand through the target, satisfied when the wood cracked down the middle. Her knuckles luckily had gotten used to the abuse, so when she ducked under the branch and struck again, another target went flying. 

By the time she was done, her hands and arms were tired and her body was aching for a bath. 

Or two hours on a warm, sunny beach. 

Since only one of those things was bound to actually happen, she trudged back to her cabin, praying the hot water would hold out long enough for a full bath. 

One thing about Blair, Nebraska was that somehow, the less than ten thousand people who lived here were always experiencing a water shortage. 

It rivaled the cold ass weather for her least favorite thing about the place as a very close second. 

Noticing who was parked in front of her small little house, she grimaced and amended her statement. Lack of hot water was actually third, second only to the one and only Sheriff Marks. 

He spun around when he finally heard her steps, smiling a big, ugly, fake smile. “Miss Brooks.”

“Marks.”

According to small-town social guidelines, she was being beyond rude for not calling him Sheriff. But he was a short, ugly, annoying man, and she didn’t hold an ounce of respect for him. 

And because she wasn’t completely fake, she didn’t bother hiding it. 

“What are you doing on my property?”

His smile dimmed as his eyes beady eyes narrowed slightly. “I wanted to see how you’re doing. You never come into town. And here in Blair, we take care of each other.”

That right there was the reason for her dislike; Sheriff Marks was an insatiably curious man. 

And ever since she’d shown up a year ago, he’d been trying to put together the puzzle of why a moderately attractive young woman would move to the middle of butt-fucking nowhere. 

“I’m fine.”

She wanted to walk by him and go inside, where she could blissfully lock him out, but she had a list of rules now, and not putting her back to people she didn’t know or like was at the top of it. 

“Okay, sure, but-”

“Listen, Marks. I appreciate this... gesture, but I moved here to be left alone. I’d appreciate it if you would respect that.” It was the most she’d ever said to him, and he looked a little shocked. “I think I’ve made it more than clear.”

His face went somehow even ruddier, and for a split second, she regretted the harsh words. 

She couldn’t have people caring about her, though. When people cared, they stopped by more and felt entitled to know your business. Neither of which were things she wanted. 

So she just raised a brow and shot a meaningful glance to his cruiser. 

“Yes. It’s perfectly clear exactly who you are.” 

She almost rolled her eyes at the attempted insult, thankful when he finally turned to leave. As he was pulling away, she united her muddy shoes and got her house key from her sock, grimacing at how tight her back was when she stood up. 

Inside, she went through and made sure every door and window was locked, a habit she’d picked up two years ago and hadn’t been able to shake. 

God apparently was looking out for her today, because when she finally made it upstairs, there was enough hot water to fill the tub. 

When she sunk down to her shoulders and closed her eyes, enjoying the moment of peace. But then images of her sisters’ faces, the ocean, and her old home popped up uninvited in her head. 

It was always quiet moments like these when she found it the hardest to shake the memories of who she used to be. And since Nebraska was always fucking quiet... 

Nesta reminded herself of why she was here; why it had been necessary to leave. She reminded herself that her family was safer with her gone, that she was safer. 

But the hole in her chest refused to listen and close up. 

A tear slipped down her cheek, and she was too tired to even brush it away and chastise herself. Because for the first time in twenty-five years, she admitted she was lonely. 

She’d been alone for most of her life, but there was a difference between alone and lonely. Even when she’d isolated herself from her family and friends, they’d still been there for her. 

But now... she had no one here. And she’d never felt so alone in her life. 

It was horrible enough to make her consider going back, despite the risks. 

This is home now, she told herself, dunking under the water to wash away the thoughts hounding her. You didn’t work your ass off to get safe just to bitch out after a year. 

Coming up and gasping for air, she went through her cover, just like she did every night. 

“My name is Mackenzie Brooks, nickname Mackie. I’m from Michigan, but I moved to Nebraska last year to start over. I like to read and run. I’m twenty-five.” Taking a deep breathe, she finished, “I don’t have any family.” 

No amount of time under the water could ebb the sting of those words, though.

~Cassian~

Cassian was honestly a little surprised he hadn’t gotten fired. 

He absolutely hated his orders, and he’d made that more than clear. They’d come straight from Command and “weren’t negotiable,” but that didn’t mean he hadn’t tried. 

Calling his boss a two-faced asshole might’ve been a bit much, but it felt justified in the moment.

Because in all the time he’d spent searching for Nesta Archeron, he’d always pictured the day he’d finally track her down and slap some cuffs on her wrists, haul her away to jail.

He’d never imagined he’d be given orders to find out what she knew first. 

And he’d also never imagined having to do so in fucking Nebraska. 

An hour in the state, and he already hated it. He was from Boston, so he didn’t mind the cold weather, but the lack of buildings over thirty feet was a shock to the system. 

That, alongside the fact that everyone here was wearing some form of plaid, only worsened his mood. 

It wasn’t like he cared about her or anything, but he’d never really liked undercover work. Deceiving a woman--no matter that she was a criminal--never felt right to him. 

But orders were orders. 

He had to find out why she’d run, what she knew about what had happened, and if she had any proof. The goal was to get it all recorded, so he had to carry around a stupid little tap recorder in his jacket pocket. 

Maybe she’d meet him and just spill her guts immediately. That’d be ideal, but it seemed pretty fucking unlikely. At the very least, he’d have to get her to trust him enough to talk about the events of two years ago.

He drove the crappy old truck Azriel had gotten him through the small town, gaining the eyes of pretty much every person he passed. 

Not a lot of new people, apparently.

Ignoring them, he drove to the address of a small house on the outskirts of town. Or home for however long it took him to get close to her. 

Gods, I hope she’s talkative, he thought, walking up the creaky stairs and shouldering the door open. 

Quiet and small, but at least it was clean. 

Throwing his bag down, Cassian grabbed his laptop and started to get to work. 

~

Three hours and a trip to the grocery store later, he’d learned absolutely nothing Nesta--or Mackenzie Brooks, rather. 

There had been nothing online, and no one in the store had much to say besides, “She moved here a year ago. Keeps to herself.”

Great. 

Luckily, he had a reason to go see her. They were neighbors. Kind of. 

Her house was further out of town than his, and she owned the land around it, so she didn’t actually have neighbors. But he lived within a two mile radius, so he counted it. 

Which is why he found himself sitting in her gravel driveway, eyebrows high on his forehead, staring at the place.

And for the first time, he questioned if Azriel was right. 

Because the woman he’d read about... she definitely didn’t seem the type to live here. 

The porch was missing floor boards, the roof was caving in on one side, and the paint on the outside of the house was peeling off. The only thing that looked somewhat new was the front door. 

It had three locks and seemed to be a little heavy duty compared to the house, which made it stand out in a pretty obvious way.

Stepping out of the car, he walked up to get a better look, avoiding the holes in the floor. The house was quiet, and he knocked on the door, finding it to be solid and heavy. 

No answer. 

He knocked again, waiting a few minutes. Then he decided to be nosy and peek in the window. 

A couch and dining table were all that was visible, furthering his opinion that she couldn’t actually live here. 

She’d grown up in one of the nicest apartment buildings in California. Her father had been a wealthy real-estate tycoon. She’d gone to private school and sailing camp, for Christ’s sake. 

There was no way she lived here. 

That theory was proven very soundly incorrect a second later when he felt something tap the back of his head. Repressing the jump that rose from not hearing anyone sneak up on him, he straightened and turned around. 

And found himself looking down the barrel of a shotgun into the surprisingly beautiful, angry face of Nesta Archeron. 

“You have five seconds to get the hell off my porch.” 

Shock ran through his system like lightening. For a few reasons, the least of which was the gun. 

For starters, pictures didn’t at all do her justice, because she was probably the most attractive thing Cassian had ever laid eyes on. And that was with mud splattered on her face, hair in a ponytail, and athletic clothes covering her thin frame. 

Then there was the fact that Azriel had been completely correct. Nesta Archeron, pampered little trust fund princess, was living here. In Nebraska. Completely off the grid. By herself. 

The gun was also a surprise, but not as much as the way she was holding it. Her feet were squared, her shoulders lined up to absorb the kickback if she fired. She looked... she looked like she knew what she was doing. 

She raised a brow, reminding him of the fact that he still hadn’t spoken. 

And remembering who he was supposed to be, what he was supposed to do, he ignored the gun and smiled broadly. “Or what?”

“Or I will shoot you,” she responded calmly, hand pulling back the fore-end to load the gun with a snap. 

“You aren’t going to shoot me,” he assured her. “I brought you a pie.” He held up the baked good and grinned. It was from the grocery store, but it still counted, right? “It’s blueberry.”

“What? Who the fuck are you? And why are you here?”

Sticking out a hand that she ignored, he said, “Cassian. I’m here because I just moved in to the place about a mile from here, and I wanted to meet my neighbors. I gotta say, I’m loving the hospitality.”

Nesta ignored the joke and asked incredulously, “You moved here?”

He nodded. 

She just narrowed her eyes, not buying it apparently. 

Good God, “stand-off-ish” didn’t begin to cover it. 

He was having a difficult time wrapping his head around the fact that this was the same woman who’d gone to UC Santa Barbara, liked to surf, and had dated a movie star.

“But what about the-”

“I hate pie.”

He scoffed, leaning against the crumbling wall of her house like he was unbothered by the rejection in her voice. “No one hates pie.”

Nesta shrugged, jerking her chin towards his truck in a clear get the fuck out manner. 

“I’ll leave if you tell me your name,” he bargained, acting like he didn’t know who she was already.

There was a pause of silence, and a bit of sadness seeped into her bright blue eyes. “Mackenzie.”

Mackenzie Brooks, one of her aliases.  

“Pretty name.”

“Leave.”

“Sweetheart, I honestly can’t believe you’re trying so hard to get rid of me. I’m the best looking guy around here.”

That might very well be true, considering he hadn’t seen a single person under the age of fifty when he’d gone out earlier. 

“And what if I’m not looking for a man?”

“I have a female cousin you could date instead.”

Her lips twitched, and it made him a little too happy to see. “If I take the pie, will you leave?”

“Counteroffer. We split the pie, then I’ll leave.”

Her eyebrows go up. “Who the hell offers someone half a pie?”

“I was planning on giving you the whole pie, but I didn’t know you’d be so beautiful. And feisty.” He ran his eyes over her slowly. “A quality I never even knew I liked.”

“The urge to shoot you just increased.”

Cassian waggled his eyebrows. “So passionate.”

Nesta just sighed, finally lowering the gun. She engaged the safety and leaned it against the door, then snatched the pie from his hands and walked to the porch railing. 

He noticed she didn’t turn her back to him the entire time, and she she kept the gun in arm’s reach. 

What the hell had she been through?

His train of thought was cut off when he heard a splat. Nesta came back to him, one crumpled half of the pie lying upside down in the lid, the other in the original container. She shoved the crumpled half toward him. “Now leave.”

“How did you even cut it? Do you have a knife hidden between your breasts?”

It was a miracle she didn’t slap him for that one. She just narrowed her eyes again and said, “Yes.”

He honestly believed her. 

Cassian sighed, knowing he had to actually leave now. “Well, this wasn’t exactly what I had in mind, but it’ll do. It was lovely to meet you, Mackenzie.”

“Please just leave.”

Ouch.

He laughed and walked to his truck, calling out, “I’ll see you soon, neighbor!”

Nesta frowned at that, but he ignored it and grinned back. 

She stood on the porch watching him drive away until he was a certain distance, then picked up her stuff and unlocked the door. 

Well, Azriel had definitely been right: she was being very, very careful. 

But why? 

Cassian had no idea, but he was definitely going to find out. 

_____________________________________________________

Part 2

@sjm-things​ @santas-dwynwen​ @thebitchupstairs​ @sayosdreams​ @perseusannabeth​ @cursebreaker29​ @a-bit-of-a-cactus​ @elriel4life​ @girl-who-reads-the-books​ @aelinfeyreeleven945tbln​ @highqueenofelfhame​ @tswaney17​ @rowanisahunk​ @superspiritfestival​ @studyliketate​ @over300books​ @justgiu12​ @maastrash​ @aesthetics-11​ @bamchickawowow​ @b00kworm​ @sleeping-and-books​ @musicmaam​ @hizqueen4life​ @maybekindasortaace​

[papermoonish]

when the weather changed

"Wait for me!"

"Shit, it was so nice out at lunch," Kirishima whines, stopping in the doorway.

"That’s fucking autumn for you."

"Don’t curse a whole season, you'll get unlucky."

autumn brings weather changes and simple sweetness. for kirishima and bakugou it comes first in the shape of friends and then each other

read on AO3 or keep reading here

Kiri is on the roof of the school building. There are mesh fences keeping the small spot up in the air secluded - safe. He's sitting on the floor, his back to the wall hiding the staircase, eyes closed and head leaning against the concrete.

The air tastes like crisp autumn, fresh and cold with the promise of warmth tingling. Maybe tomorrow, maybe later. The door opens and Kirishima straightens up, opens his eyes and reaches for his water bottle. With two quick movements he looks busy. Nothing weird going on here.

"Hey man," he smiles, and Denki waves back.

"Yo dude. I was looking everywhere for you."

Denki drops besides him, loose and easy. His shoulder brushes Kirishima's as he’s reaching for the food in Kiri's lap, stealing a small piece of pre-cut sausage. He's warm, body slumping against his friend with a content sigh.

"Ah sorry! What's up?”

Denki pops his lips, pulls up his phone and scans the screen quickly before tapping away on it. He's sitting cross-legged, his knee occasionally bumping against Kiri's thigh. He steals another piece of sausage and chews it a little too loudly but it’s okay. Kirishima appreciates the company.

"Didn’t see you at lunch and thought you might've run away with a hot girl into a future unknown.”

Kirishima snorts and shakes his head, red hair doesn’t move an inch. Next to him Denki cracks his knuckles, but only the ones on his left hand.

"In the middle of a Monday?”

"Who am I to question the timely manners of love, bro."

"Bro."

"Bro."

They laugh and the wind picks up a bit, messing up Denki's hair. As he tries to fix it he lets out a loud groan. Kiri reaches up to tuck a few strands back with the others.

"Nah dude, I'd never leave you behind."

"You better won’t. Blasty would have my ass if he heard you got away and I knew."

There’s an implication between the words, simmering right in the space left after them. Kirishima blinks and shakes it off, smiles until the dimple on his right cheek shows up.

"He has your ass for everything. He owns it."

"HE DOES NOT OWN MY ASS!"

Kiri giggles, downs the rest of his water and rubs his nose. The movement causes Denki to sway a bit, still leaning on his friend. He catches himself and sits up, wiggling his eyebrows.

"That's gay," he snickers.

"Denki-"

"No Ei,” he raises his hands in defeat, pouting, “I simply do not wanna think about Bakugou in a sexual way."

"That’s not even close to what I said."

"It was IMPLIED!"

"IT WASN’T!"

They’re shoving at each other now, laughing and the water bottle drops, rolls away across the deck. The rest of Kirishima's lunch nearly falls too, but just at the last second he remembers and puts it aside. Seeing an opening, Denki throws himself at Kirishima and they both topple over. Denki is snorting, Kiri is chuckling. The sun shines.

"EW, DUDE!"

The wet stripe Denki licked across Kirishima's palm glistens in the autumn weather and Kiri is fast to wipe it at Denki's dress shirt.

"You're so gross."

"Excuse me? You have a crush on Bakugou, that's nasty!"

"Ughh,” Kirishima hides his face in his hands, “don’t bring that up."

"You can't censor me, this is a free country."

Their laughter fades at the same time as the sunshine, covered by a few thin clouds moving across the blue. Lunch is coming to an end and Kiri hears Denki's bones pop from stretching his hands. A rumble in the sky makes a few birds fly up and the boys look up.

"I- … uh-"

Denki rolls onto his side and makes a whole show of getting up, like standing is a dance he owns. He cracks his neck and Kirishima cringes at the sound, worrying his lip.

"I won’t tell him. Drop the pout, lovebird."

He reaches out a hand and Kiri grabs it quickly, and then he gets pulled up from the floor with the sun reappearing. Warmth immediately spreads across their skin.

"Thanks, man.”

Denki waves his hand, grins mischievously.

"Bro, you've got so much more dirt on me. This is self-protection.”

"Bro I’d never tell any of them anything."

"I know, I know. You’re just good like that,” he laughs. "One day either Shinso, Jirou, Sero or Tetsu will notice me. I'm not giving up yet."

"You're helpless," Kirishima shoos away a mosquito. “You should pick one of them to work your charm on.”

"I’d go for you, but your little monkey brain is already wired in the wrong direction, babe."

Kiri fake gags and Denki shoves him, hard. They gather their stuff - meaning Kirishima grabs all his things and Denki starts breakdancing next to him. Denki opens the door and bows, giving him the, "After you, good sir." and Kiri bows right back with a, "Oh my, thank you darling."

The door falls into its lock and clicks shut. A gust of wind picks up and moves the water bottle Kirishima forgot on the deck. It clatters against the mesh fence and rolls a few feet across the floor. It’ll be found later by someone else, surely. Not everyone has a bright red metal bottle with multiple stickers of pictures of his friends. They get back to class and the sun still shines.

* at the same time *

The cafeteria is too loud. There's laughter and screaming, talking, shuffling, things dropping and people running. For Bakugou the cafeteria hurts, it rings all the way through his ears to the bottom of his brain and he furrows his brows while poking chopsticks into rice.

"You want a spoon for the rice soup you’re making there?"

Bakugou flinches, knuckles turning white before the colour slowly creeps back, blood flow released.

"Watch your mouth," he barks into the direction of the person sitting across the table.

"Can’t, I'm eating. You should try it, it’s supposed to be good for you."

"I fucking know, Tapeface. What’s your issue?”

Sero grins before digging back into his chicken, his legs long under the table right under the window. His feet knock against Bakugou's ankles. Neither of them moves.

"What's yours? You're usually not that grumpy at lunch."

Bakugou looks at him for a few seconds, like he's considering, waging something in his head.

"'s loud here," he finally settles on.

"Oh."

Sero blinks, then he grabs his backpack and tray and Bakugou flinches again at the speed of it.

"What are you-"

"Come on big guy, grab your stuff."

"Huh?"

"There's tables outside, next to the gym building."

Oh. That’s right.

When they settle again Bakugou's forehead is still crinkled and Sero pokes him, index finger smudging against his skin. The wrinkles smooth out a bit. Sero puts his phone on the table, screen up. Bakugou can see the small notification LED blinking yellow.

"Ya still look grumpy."

Bakugou shrugs, finally eats his rice like a normal person. Sero hums, low and deep, then rustles inside of his bag and pulls out a juice pouch. There's a drop spilling when he puts the straw in a little too forcefully and Bakugou hands him a napkin.

"I have a goddamn headache."

"Ah."

The wind picks up and the sun vanishes behind thin clouds. The building casts enough shade to cover them and their table fully now and it’s a little colder.

"Maybe Ei can do his magic hands thing later. Doesn't he help sometimes?"

Bakugou shrugs but he averts his eyes, dipping his rice into sauce before shoving it into his mouth. He knows Sero can see through it but he also knows Sero is gentle. He hums again and Bakugou breathes.

"Yeah.”

Sero finishes his food and sips his juice, offering it to Bakugou but obviously being declined. He just shrugs.

"Denki texted me he's on the roof if ya wanna go up and ask."

Bakugou shakes his head, puts the lid back onto his bento box. He catches the way Sero checks at his phone, types away an answer to a message that made him smile.

"Lunch is over in a few anyway."

"You have some rice on your shirt."

"Ah shit."

The sun comes back out and Sero's phone chimes. He glances at it and sighs, swiping the little alarm notification away.

"Back to class then, wonder kid."

"You're on thin fucking ice, Hanta."

"Aw with the first name? You make me blush today."

"Bitch."

"No need to sweet talk me after you had a lunch date with me."

"Oh my fucking god I despise you."

He grabs his bag and then puts the trash from Sero's tray on his own, sliding them together. He carries both. Sero holds the door open for him and Bakugou grunts a thank you. The wind starts howling and the cafeteria is still filled with laughter when they enter.

*later*

The school day ends and the sky is grey. There are dark speckles between heavy clouds and the light turned a muddy yellow. The sun isn't visible and you can’t feel it either, all the warmth traveled further away into other days, future hours. Bakugou's kicking the door to the sky deck open with his foot, the sole squeaking against the heavy metal.

"Fucking bullshit."

There’s a rumble and then rain hits his face and there's a giggle right behind him, echoing in the halls of the stairway.

"Wait for me!"

Bakugou keeps the door open with a snarl.

"Shit, it was so nice out at lunch," Kirishima whines, stopping in the doorway.

"That’s fucking autumn for you."

"Don’t curse a whole season, you'll get unlucky."

Bakugou looks at him, getting soaked more every second, hair slowly plastering itself against his forehead. Water gets caught in his lashes and drips into his shoes. His socks get wet. He blinks once and Kiri rubs his blushing neck, laughing.

"Yeah," his lip pulls upwards, "wouldn't fucking want that, hah?"

Kirishima bolts out into the rain, Bakugou looks after him before following. There are small puddles on the floor and Kiri steps into them intentionally, grinning as he notices his boots are waterproof enough for his shenanigans.

"All right, where are you? Come out, come out wherever you are," Kirishima sing-songs.

"You're so stupid."

"Shhhh maybe it's hiding from us."

"Your water bottle?"

Kiri nods. “Maybe it feels your negative vibes, bro."

"Maybe I’ll make you feel a negative vibe in a second, bro."

It’s an empty threat and Kirishima laughs.

He keeps running and the sky doesn't split open to let light through. Bakugou licks his lips, rainwater on his tongue, and walks towards the fence to the south side. It’s like Kirishima forgot where he sat with the way he's buzzing through the rain, arms spread and face tilted towards the sky.

Bakugou spots his bottle immediately, picks it up with his pinky hooking through the loop on the cap. He inspects the stickers and none of them are peeling. When he turns, Kiri is standing still, looking up at the falling rain, hair bending and bowing under the weather.

"You done with your moment?" Bakugou yells over the noise.

"It’s so nice."

"The rain?"

"Hmh."

Bakugou comes up next to him, holds up the bottle but Kirishima’s eyes are closed. So he bumps the cold metal against the exposed skin under Kirishima’s rolled up sleeves.

"Got the goods."

"Ah! thank you, Blasty."

"You'll never drop that name huh?"

Kiri shrugs and Bakugou watches his shoulders move.

"It’s a good name."

"It’s old as shit. Come up with something better."

"Stop exploding into our faces then," Kirishima turns his head and grins.

"Never."

"That’s what I thought."

Kiri's quiet until Bakugou pulls up his nose. The sky keeps making noises that hint ever so closely at a thunderstorm coming.

"Ah shit, okay let's go back inside. You're soaked!"

"Duh."

"Thanks for coming to look with me though."

They both know Kirishima would’ve found his bottle on his own. They don’t address it though and somehow the knowledge settles between them in the form of physical contact. Bakugou simply accepts the wet arm that’s thrown over his shoulder, it soothes the tension built up in his muscles.

"You can thank me by doing your hand thing."

Kirishima’s head snaps towards him, eyes big and round. There are water droplets in his eyebrows.

"You have another headache? Man, why didn’t you say anything sooner?"

Kiri grabs his bottle from Bakugou, their fingers touch. Kiri smiles and walks towards the door. His hand reaches for the handle and it creaks under the movement.

"School," Bakugou says, voice calm while he shrugs.

"Let’s get dry and then I can come over? Whatcha say?"

Bakugou nods, brushes past Kirishima holding the door open. The arm that was around his shoulder slides off and it’s immediately cold where it lay. It’s now freezing in the hallway, especially dripping wet.

"D’you think Sero has a crush on Denki?"

Bakugou huffs, towel rubbing over his ears. They’re in the baths, air warm from their recent shower. The mirror Bakugou stands in front of is fogged up and Kirishima reaches over, hand smearing across the glass until his image is visible.

"I don’t care."

"Come on, gossip with me," Kirishima pokes his finger into Bakugou’s shoulder and the blond doesn’t even turn to look.

"No."

"But you always have the best takes."

"Shut up."

"Katsukiii please."

The towel drops. The sky breaks open and a few late sunbeams work their way through the clouds, illuminating UA in the softest glow. The boys are inside though, the warm bathroom shielding them from the outside, they can’t see.

But Bakugou looks at Kirishima and he simply knows, knows the grey is making space for evening blues and purples, knows the muddy yellow will turn into clear orange.

"I won’t spill Tapeface's secrets."

"Not even to me?" The puppy eyes get ignored.

"Especially not to you, you can't keep your big mouth shut ever!"

"That’s not true! I never spill secrets."

Bakugou unlocks his dorm room door and watches Kiri walk in before him. Bakugou smells his shampoo, it’s a mix of something woody and sweet.

"You're spilling right now."

"Yeah but to you, that’s different."

He sits down in the desk chair, swiveling around a bit. Digging the heels of his feet into the beige carpet. He’s barefoot in Bakugou’s room and it feels intimate. Bakugou snaps a laugh, it’s dry. Kirishima perks up at it.

"It’s not different, you’re making shit up."

"Uh yeah? I like sharing with you?"

"You like talking to everyone."

He drops himself on the floor, back pressed to Kiri's shins and tipping his head back over the redhead’s knees. It’s a bit uncomfortable but it gives Bakugou enough control over the situation. Not that he’d need it here. Kiri's hands gently weave themselves through towel dried blond hair, fingertips pressing against his scalp.

"I like talking to you most though," he says simply.

"Ew."

Kirishima laughs, Bakugou closes his eyes. He lets Kiri work his fingers through his hair, lets his nails scrape and scratch in all the right places and with every minute passing by he feels the headache less and less.

They're quiet for a bit and then he goes, "Hanta's whipped as fuck."

"I KNEW it!"

The ceiling light bathes them in warm white and the sky outside is hidden behind curtains.

[thelightofthingshopedfor]

not sure why I haven’t mentioned this before--well, no, I do know, it’s because this was always either going to be a very short post or a very long one, and I guess we’ll see. (spoiler, it’s long)

anyway--found out Monday that my grandma has covid. she’d had a mild fever for a few days before that but I guess nobody was too concerned until she started having some stroke-like symptoms, and everything checked out okay at first but then her blood oxygen got so low they took her to the hospital in an ambulance aaaaaand it was covid. she’s still in the hospital and she’s on oxygen, but so far her symptoms have been relatively mild in general and mostly they’re keeping her there because of her age (and, I can only assume, because that hospital isn’t overwhelmed with worse cases right now) and will likely release her in a few days if she doesn’t get worse. nobody’s allowed in the covid wing, even my vaccinated aunt, so no shit my unvaccinated grandpa can’t see her either.

as you might imagine I’m having, uh, a lot of feelings about this and I’ve mostly been dealing with them by not thinking about it too much, which is the other reason I haven’t mentioned it. it’s scary, obviously, because they’re both old (my grandpa wasn’t tested for some reason but was told to isolate for 10 days, but obviously he was around her for several days when she was contagious), and my medically fragile uncle--who hasn’t been vaccinated, at his doctor’s advice--might have been exposed too. and I haven’t seen them since summer 2016, which is something I could have made the effort to do but didn’t because to be totally honest I wouldn’t feel comfortable visiting any of the still-very-conservative parts of my extended family without at least one other reasonable person around. in particular I haven’t wanted to visit my grandparents by myself or maybe with just my dad, because I don’t know if they would corner me about political things, or sit me down and solemnly say that they love me very much but they’re grieved by the ways I’ve changed over the past several years and God is super grieved too because I’ve clearly allowed Satan to deceive me and in conclusion they can’t have anything to do with me unless I stop being queer and liberal...but I think there’s a nonzero chance they might. and I really don’t want to know that they would, but at the very least I don’t want to spend a significant amount of my own money, effort, and vacation time for that, you know?

and also to be honest I am fucking furious. I’ve been fucking furious all along at the absolute shitstains who turned masks and vaccines into a divisive political issue, and now I’m more personally furious because it’s closer. I’m pissed at my grandparents for not getting vaccinated when they were definitely healthy enough for that, and going to an unmasked church, which is where my grandma most likely caught it. I’m pissed at them for believing the shit I’m sure they get on Fox News. I’m particularly pissed at my grandpa, who has a fucking doctorate and was a Democratic state legislator decades ago before switching parties, although considering that didn’t happen until my dad was at least a teenager and my dad has always been extremely fucking conservative, my grandpa had to have been extremely fucking conservative too even before he became a Republican. I’m pissed because I have almost nothing but good memories of my grandparents and I know the way they raised my dad is responsible for a lot of the dysfunction that has fucked me up and the way I was basically indoctrinated in conservative evangelical bullshit to believe all kinds of cruel bigotry while being told it was love and I swallowed it all because I was a fucking child who literally never got to hear differing opinions unless they were filtered through shit about not falling for the devil’s lies or whatever. I am incandescently furious at their church, and really the vast majority of the American church, for managing to be even more awful during the past year by jumping into the whole bullshit masking debate with both feet and screaming about religious freedom every time some sensible person wanted to limit gatherings or mandate masks to keep people from fucking dying, because “the Bible says we are to obey God rather than man” and “the Bible says we should trust in God’s protection instead of living in fear” when like--bitch, if you really actually believe in God, maybe consider using the brain he gave you??

and, you know, I’m pissed at the whole poisonous system that’s gotten me to this point, where I haven’t seen my grandparents in five years and now my grandma has covid and she will probably get better but of course there’s a chance she won’t and I still don’t think I’ve been wrong to be afraid of rejection.

so it’s, you know, a lot.

[pixieungerstories]

The Captive - 13

The crafters were nervous.  Elly had taken over the space that had been for spinning with crafting books.  Not just yarn related crafts, which they would have understood, but sewing, quilting and cooking too.  Lashandra had organized Posy and Cloe to bring over a gift basket for Elly in the most insulting way possible. 

“I’m sorry business isn’t good dear.  But don’t worry!  The community will support you!  The town may be too small to have much of a food bank, but here are some things to help out.”

Elly wanted to kick the women’s teeth in.

She put all the roving on sale at cost and reduced her hours to five days a week instead of six.  And she hired workmen to come in the night and build the partition wall between the yarn shop and the bakery.  The stairs made the perfect division point and the trust paid extra for them to come in on a Friday afternoon and be finished by Monday morning.

That also meant the crafters were there when the construction started.

Elly felt a little bad for stressing out the nice old ladies, but the bitches three were ruining it for everyone.

Ben was noticeably worried but forcing himself to remain calm, so Elly had him over for dinner that Friday.  She showed him the architect's drawing and the planning permission from the town.  Ben listened carefully and poured the wine.  Then he asked the question she was not expecting.

“What does George think of all of this?”

“What do you mean?  The partition wall still has double french doors and is in keeping with the style of the house.  He isn’t involved in the business.  What difference would it make?

Ben stared hard at his wine glass.  “Elly.  The workmen are going to be here almost around the clock for the next two days.  How are you going to be able to smuggle food down there for him?  Nevermind visiting!  Is George in solitary lock up for the whole weekend?”

Elly opened her mouth to respond, then closed it again.  “It will be fine,” she finally muttered.

“Really?  Because how comfortable would you be locked in the basement, alone in the dark for three days?  I would be pretty pissed off.”

Elly pressed her lips together and picked at the nail bed on her thumb for a moment.

“Fuck it!” Ben announced. “George likes spicy food.  I’m ordering from that Indian place.  I’ll take it and my laptop down there.  We can have guys movie night if you aren’t going to do anything.”

Elly still didn’t know what to say.  ‘Hey Ben, George is trying to seduce me,’ wasn’t going to fly.  Except, was that even what this was?  He said he desired her, then promptly went back to what was normal for them.  He hadn’t brought it up again and it had been over a week.  “Now there’s a thought,” was the best she could come up with.

“How territorial is he?” Ben asked.  Elly choked.  “It’s just,” he started again, “if he isn’t too freaked out about people in his space, I would bring over a sleeping bag and -”

“And have a slumber party?” Elly asked, raising an eyebrow.  “Will you be having half naked pillow fights while you’re at it?”

“Only if you join in,” Ben replied without missing a beat.

Elly gritted her teeth.  She didn’t really like the idea of Ben down there alone with George.  And it pissed her off that she hadn’t thought about how the construction would affect them while it was happening.  She had been focused on getting to the end and had lost track of the details.  

Nyx decided that her person’s moment of stillness was the ideal time to jump into Elly’s lap and demand affection.

“I don’t think your cat is growing, Elly.  Is she ok?”

“What?  Oh!  Yeah.  She’s fine.  She is getting heavier.  I’ve been using my kitchen scale to make sure.  I just don’t think she’s going to be a big cat.  Probably just as well, since she thinks she’s a parrot.”

As if to prove her point, Nyx climbed Elly’s shirt, ignoring the wincing as her claws pricked and settled in to hide in Elly’s hair.  Elly sighed and took another sip of her wine.  Nyx hissed at Ben when he laughed at them.

“Yes, yes you are a ferocious and terrifying beast,” Elly muttered reaching up and making scritching motions for Nyx to lean against.

“What does she think of all of this?” Ben asked.

“Nothing as far as I can tell.  She has been riding around in my pocket at work since I got her and no one has noticed.  I’m going to end up getting her one of those cat wearing things at some point.”

Ben nodded, “They have ones that look like Pokémon balls.”

“I was thinking more the Baby Bjorn like in that comic strip.”

“Oh my god!  You are joking, right?”

Elly just smirked.

----

Dragon and curry sleepover was more work to set up than they thought.  First thing was to talk to George.  He hesitantly agreed.  Then Elly moved the cat box downstairs.  Ben brought over some sleeping bags and air mattresses.  Then Elly had to organize a 50 foot extension cord to run the pumps to inflate them.  Fortunately, the workmen had one and didn’t ask too many questions.

Ben went for food, Elly brought down a cooler and a box of wine.  Then she had to explain the concept to George and put up with his disdain at the very idea.  He let it go when she pointed out it meant they could stay down there longer.

Next was her string of christmas lights. That only took a six foot extension cord under the door and they nicely lit up the stairs and brightened the tiny room at the bottom of them.  Elly had been aware of the space being much bigger than just a table and chair underneath the heating ducts, but the light certainly emphasized that this was only one corner of a much bigger structure.

“It’s like the Mines of Moria down here,” she muttered.

To her surprise, George burst out laughing.  “Fewer orcs and goblins, but there is a dragon so more like Erebor.”

Elly just stared at him.  George stopped laughing and held out his hands.  “My claws tear the paper, but many of your predecessors have been kind enough to read to me.  I was quite fond of Tolkien, but I believe the Ents were written specifically to annoy Lewis.”

Elly squeaked, then coughed to clear her throat, “What, uh, what did you think of Lewis?”

George shrugged, “Not bad but his religion was showing.”

Elly just stood there, frozen on the spot.  George sighed and pointed upwards.  “Did you notice the arches?  In the 1300’s they called that fornication.”

Elly looked up.  She hadn’t noticed before, but the ceiling was vaulted and carefully covered in mosaic tiles.  “Who rib vaults a basement?” she murmured.

George snorted, “People with money.  Come, treasure, you can help me move the table.”

Elly was prepared to let that one slide, it was starting to grow on her.

She was not prepared to deal with the table.  “I have a couple of questions.  How many people are you expecting that you think we need a table that big and how the hell do you expect me to help move that monstrosity?”

George was suddenly absolutely still.  Elly hadn’t really noticed how some part of him was always moving, even if it was just his tail twitching until it wasn’t.

“It is the table that I have.  Based on Ben’s description of the food, you won’t be eating it sitting on the floor.”

“I’m sorry,” Elly said softly.  “That was rude.”

George nodded.

“I have a card table we could use,” she suggested.  “Or maybe … do you have a large footstool or a flat topped chest?”

He looked at her with narrowed eyes.  “A treasure chest?”

“Well, I was thinking more like a steamer trunk.”

“That I have.”

----

Ben came back with enough food to feed an army, a second cooler, this one full of beer, two sleeping bags and a box full of random blankets.  He also brought his laptop, a small projector and a roll of duct tape.  The tape plus a white sheet made a good enough screen, and the workmen weren’t getting their extension cord back.

Ben was spreading the food out on the impromptu table when he asked, “Did you pick out a movie yet?”

“How about Lord of the Rings?”  Elly suggested.  “It’s long enough to keep us busy for most of the weekend.”

Ben laughed, “It is if we watch The Hobbit first.”

“I should save room for popcorn,” Elly mused.

“You should, but will you?”

“Not a chance,” she replied with a grin.

“I am not following this conversation,” George said flatly.

“You said you liked Tolkien.  They made movies of The Hobbit and Lord of the Rings,” Elly explained.

George considered this.  “I have seen 8mm films before.  The picture moves, but the people do not speak.”

Ben grinned, “You watched silent films?”

“He might mean home movies.  Was it Ann who you watched movies with?” Elly asked politely.

“Yes.  Her family would send her films of them,” the dragon explained cautiously.

“The technology has changed a bit since then,” Elly was trying to be diplomatic.

George snorted, “As it is wont to do.”

[piratewithvigor]

a couple of the questions in the ask meme you reblogged really resonated with me, would you do 23, 24, 45?

Took me a bit to find the right list and I'm just guessing, but I hope this is the right one. I ended up answering these for two hours, so sorry about the novel

23. Were you happier four months ago than you are now?

Four months ago was March 13, by my calculations. And it's a really tough one to answer. A lot of dirty laundry happened that week, and I'm not sure just how much I want to share. What I do know is that one week before March 13, I was having a really great night. Went out on a mini road trip with a group of friends. We were gonna go have dinner in this little restaurant/convenience store in the middle of nowhere, but we only arrived 10 minutes after they'd closed down the kitchen. We bought snacks and this big tub of peanut butter ice cream. Drove around and ended up getting some KFC, then eating the ice cream in the high school parking lot before burying it in the snow to try and hide it until Monday. We sang Sk8tr Boy until we were hoarse. That kind of jubilant joy is gonna be hard to recreate.

A few days after that was my birthday. I've never really made a fuss about my birthday and it isn't super important to me, so acknowledgement from the people closest to me is pretty much all I look forward to. Making memories of some kind.

I had a boyfriend at the time I really loved. He'd gone on the mini road trip a few days before (also being a part of that friend group) and had mentioned offhand when my birthday was, so I knew he knew. We were never really chatty over text because he's much more vocal, but we always made it a point to wish each other good morning as soon as possible after we woke up. I already knew something was off when he took until 9 or so to wish me good morning (he had classes that started at 8, so I knew he wasn't sleeping in). It was the beginning of a day that was likely one of the worst birthdays I've had. After spending the day listening to those who did remember tell me to leave him, that this was unacceptable, I requested a call with him around 8pm. We hardly ever called, so I think he knew something was up. I told him he'd forgotten my birthday (and called him a dumbass in my rage, which wasn't called for)

I said a lot of things that night to people in my anger. I wish I could take a lot of it back, or explain what I had meant at the time, but none of it can be taken back and I accept that. We didn't break up that night.

The next few weeks were a little uneasy. He was jumpy and had gone into an anxiety/depression spiral over the fear of getting dumped (no matter how often I assured him that I loved him and had no intention of doing so), but as a result, we weren't leaning on each other with the right balance anymore.

A few days before Easter, I had an emotional breakdown that lasted several hours. He wasn't returning my messages and later said he was with two of our mutual friends at a beach about an hour away. I wasn't angry at him, but really disappointed. A lot of my turmoil had come from the solitude of being the only university student in a gang of high schoolers, so there were days I'd see them all having fun together without me, and I snapped a little.

The next day, one of those friends requested an evening hangout and I was obviously elated. I spent the day waiting and passing the time as quickly as possible. When she pulled up to my house at exactly the minute she said she got off work, I was a little suspicious, but suspected I had misread the message. The car was fully parked (also weird), my boyfriend was sitting shotgun (I didn't know he was coming) and the other friend was sitting in the backseat (I didn't know she was coming either). The vibe was all off and my boyfriend turned around in his seat and said that we needed to break up. He explained our relationship was taking a toll on his mental health.

In front of two other people, I didn't have the chance to get my emotions out properly. Nor did I have the chance to really talk things over with him. I learned later that this was because he wanted backup in case I got violent (one of the misunderstandings from the evening of my birthday).

I haven't seen him since then. I've only heard his voice twice during calls with other mutual friends who've remained neutral in the breakup. Overnight, my friend group went from a healthy regular 6 that could be expanded to 10 to only 2 who talk to me (in person friends, I should specify).

In the weeks since, I haven't left the property beyond picking up the mail or my brother from school. I've gotten a new interest that I adore (but my family hates). I've had days that feel magical and days where I feel like I'd be better off dead if I could give my all in a relationship and still be disrespected like that.

I don't know if I'm happier than I was 4 months ago. I have up days and down days just as frequently. They're just about different things. But maybe I am happier; some days, I notice my 'ups' are higher than they used to be.

24. Is there someone you wish you could fix things with?

Yes. In the aforementioned friend group, there were 6 of us who were the core: myself, my boyfriend, two other girls his age, one guy and one girl 4 years younger than me. I was never particularly close with the guy, but I always liked hanging out with him. The two other girls were the most regular hangouts because they were in town a lot, so if they went to hang out with my boyfriend, I was generally there too. They were the two in the car the night of the breakup.

The younger girl, I was probably the closest with. There would be evenings when she wanted help with homework or just someone to talk about nonsense while she listens. There were a good number of occasions where she would want to do homework late into the night and I'd lie in bed and tell her about movies I've watched recently. I considered her a really good friend, but because of our age difference, her parents were a little wary of her hanging out with the group outside of school (completely understandably so. I think the only reason she got to hang out with me was because her mom had been basically the youth pastor at our church since I was 8).

She took my boyfriend's side in the breakup. I know they were significantly closer than she was with me, but I just wish I didn't have to lose that friendship too. I sent her word through her brother to let her know I have no beef with her at all, but I don't think it did any good. It's very likely I won't be able to talk with her anymore, and I've mostly made my peace with it, but the lack of closure I got there is probably gonna mess with me for a while.

45. Do you believe exes can be friends?

I do. I have proof, but I don't know just how allowable it would be in this case. I consider myself to have had 6 relationships. They ranged from 1 month to 2 1/2 years.

My first one was third grade. The entire year, and about as PG as two 8-year-olds get. We broke up when fourth grade started, but were still pretty close friends. We got back together for a few months in seventh grade, but it wasn't working, so we went back to friends. He's now one of the only people I know in person who still talks to me. Definitely still a friend.

My second was 8th grade. A little bit toxic and we were probably better off ending when we did, but he gave me a lot of experience that I banked on for years. Have not spoken to him in close to 4 years.

My third was 9th grade. Definitely toxic. We don't talk about it. Stayed in contact and even friendly for about 2 1/2 years afterwards until I cut him off. It was really for the best in the end.

My fourth was later in 9th grade. My longest. Long-distance and one of my healthier ones. He left me after 2 1/2 years and gave me a whole lotta issues as a result. Our contact wavers on occasion, but we've never gone more than a month without talking.

My fifth was probably a week after my fourth. He was inheriting a basket case of a bitch. Also long distance and have not spoken since the breakup.

My sixth was the one who's breakup you read about above. We were together for almost exactly 18 months. My second-healthiest relationship after my first. He said we could still be friends, but the more time that passes, the less I believe it's a possibility.

[purplesurveys]

1175

What’s the last vegetable you ate, and when did you eat it?  My dinner had broccoli and bell peppers in it.

What was your last Facebook notification for?  It was Aliyah replying to our comment thread on one of my posts. There wasn’t anything in her comment that was worth replying to anymore, so I just reverted with a Haha react.

What bands have you seen live? Paramore, Coldplay (not super legally), and One Direction.

Tell me an interesting fact about your mother:  She almost became a flight attendant, but she failed the final screening because of her height. I think the idea of her nearly having a completely different career is very interesting.

What do you think is the most important thing to happen to you before the age of 13?  In my case, probably getting my period. I got my first one when I was barely 10.

What were you super against as a young child but aren’t anymore?  Chicken curry. I also hateeeeeeeed Dora the Explorer with a passion, but now I find the show hilarious haha.

What are your plans later today? My work sched this week had been so fucking PACKED, that I want to do nothing but catch up on sleep all weekend. But seeing as I’m a proponent of revenge bedtime procrastination, I also highly doubt I’d let myself fall into a nap (Exhibit A: Me currently taking this survey at 2 AM...) If anything, I’ll probably just continue watching BTS In The Soop and finally start on Season 2 of Bon Voyage.

Are you doing anything exciting this weekend?  Well, it’s the weekend already, so...that ^ I will also have to take Cooper to the vet this Sunday.

Who do you talk to the most? Other than my team at work, Angela. I’ve been extra talkative these days because of our now-mutual excessive love for BTS, that I sometimes feel bad that I keep bombarding her with messages.

What are some things you do regularly that make you feel old?  Talk to my friends who are still in college, especially when they update me about the current happenings in UP that I have absolutely no clue about anymore.

Who is your best guy friend(s)?  I don’t have any best guy friends.

Do you wish your skin was lighter or darker?  Neither; I’m fine with my tannish skin tone.

If you had a tiny scar on your face, would you get it removed or just keep it?  Keep it; I already do.

Have you had an x-ray in the past year? Nah. My last one had been nearly 5 years ago, when I needed to get my back checked for scoliosis.

Do you think your first love still loves you?  No. And that’s okay. :)

What is something that is “going right” in your life?  EVERYTHINGGGGGGGGGGG I am so so happy with my life right now weeeee. I have the job of my dreams – I’m even working with THE ACTUAL K-POP GROUP SLASH PHENOMENON SLASH ICONS BTS for one of the clients I handle FHKDHGKHGFDKGHDKGH, I have the best and most supportive friends in the world, and I am now starting to grow my collection of BTS merch with my hard-earned money. Everything is going abso-fucking-lutely perfectly, and to think I didn’t think I would make it past 2020.

When did you feel ready to start dating?  Middle of high school.

When was the last time your pet bit you? If you don’t have a pet, have you ever been bitten by someone else’s?  I was play fighting with Cooper earlier tonight, and he got a little bit excited and ended up biting my upper lip quite harder than usual. It stung for a while, but it’s okay now.

Where were you the last time you made out?  I think it was my bedroom.

When was the last time you cried tears of joy? Yesterday.

How do you type your sad smileys?  Just this :(

Do you have “decorative hand-towels” that cannot be used in your house?  Nope.

What was the last soda you drank?  Probably the Coke I drank at an org event last year, pre-pandemic, out of sheer thirst. There wasn’t any water being served so I just gulped down the soda and tried to ignore the annoying fizziness. I don’t drink soda.

What was the last thing someone made fun of you for?  I was having a video call session with my workmates this afternoon as a way to end the week on a good note, and I recounted my experience of being locked out of the office while I was in the middle of a presentation for a client, and how I managed to get myself back in.

Have you ever had any type of surgery?  Nope.

Should kids be allowed to get tattoos/piercings without parental consent?  No.

Who was the last person to hit on you?  No one has in a while.

What was the last thing you decided not to do, that you were supposed to?  A deliverable a client asked me to do. It can wait til Monday.

What’s the hardest thing you’ve ever had to tell someone?  Maybe straight up admitting to my mom that she can be hurtful sometimes. It’s hard because she never actually processes things like that and they do nothing but vanish into thin air, even though it takes everything in me to be that honest.

What do you put on hot dogs?  Mayonnaise.

Ever fallen in the shower?  Like once, when I was 10 or 11.

What’s the worst thing you’ve ever called someone you care about?  Continued from last night. It was probably ‘bitch.’ Based on what I’ve learned from my mom, I put extra effort in particuarly watching what comes out of my mouth, because I know how words stick.

Do you think that things will get better?  I did, and now it has.

Have you ever legitimately saved a person’s life?  I think I may have. The story is a little triggering though, so I wouldn’t share it.

What’s your favourite book genre?  Doesn’t really count as a genre but I like auto/biographies.

Have you ever walked out of a movie at the theatre?  I’ve felt like it, but I’ve never done it.

Do dogs like you?  Yes, at least for 99.5% of my experiences.

Would you say that you project an air of authority?  In certain circles. But there are some groups where I trust others to lead rather than me.

Have you ever jumped off a high dive into a pool?  Nah, because I’ve never seen one. But even if I did, I think I would be too scared to do it hahaha.

Do you use one towel when you shower or two? (one for hair, one for body)  One. I use it to wash my entire body already.

Have you ever been to one of the great lakes?  No.

Who do you know that had a baby recently?  The son of one of my old college instructors. I believe she had been born in March because that prof recently posted family photos on Facebook that celebrated the baby’s first monthsary.

Do you like Usher’s songs?  Not in particular.

When was the last time you went to a waterpark?  Not a big fan of these as I find them unhygienic haha. The last time must have been...like anywhere between 12-15 years ago.

Have you ever ridden a train? Just once, and I had to go with Jum because I didn’t want to go alone.

What do you eat your French fries with?  Mayonnaise. If there isn’t any available, I’d want the fries to at least be generously sprinkled with salt; otherwise I’d find it too bland.

Do you have family problems?  Nothing blatant, but I know we are more dysfunctional than how we make it out to be.

What’s the last food you ate that was stale?  Pizza. I got two extra large boxes for my birthday last Wednesday and until now we still have some of it around :((( I ate some slices at around 3 AM earlier and they were tough as fuck to chew, hahaha. Still good, though.

How do you like your grilled cheese?  I don’t have grilled cheese sandwiches often. Surprise me.

What is the most challenging meal you have ever cooked?  I don’t cook.

What was your favorite thing to do as a little kid?  I liked watching my cousin play video games; playing outside; and answering my friends’ autograph books (aka my pre-survey days, lol).

Have you ever been close to drowning? Yup but just once. I was swimming and was just about to come up for air when one of my cousins, coming from the bottom of the pool, suddenly started to playfully pull me down. I was nearly out of breath by then and he had a much stronger grip on me, so I struggled for a while and ended up panicking and thrashing around a bit before I was able to wriggle myself free.

Have you ever had a panic attack?  It’s rare that it happens, but when it does it’s really bad and there’s no telling when it would subside.

Do you like doing housework?  Some, and only if I’m in the mood to. If I feel like I have to do it, then I get lazy.

Would you ever get implants?  I considered it before as a teen, back when small-chested girls were still bullied or made fun of on an everyday basis. How fucked up is that? I’m so relieved at how much social media has progressed.

Do you own a robe?  No.

Do you have a little sister? What’s her name? I have a younger sister but she’s barely a baby; she’s literally turning 21 this year. Nina.

Do you like crust on pizza or do you cut it off?  I like crust as long as it’s normal crust or stuffed crust. I can’t stand thin crust.

What was the last song you listened to?  Euphoria - credited to BTS, but it’s a Jungkook solo.

Have any of your family members been to jail?  Not blood relatives, but I know of super extended unrelated family members who’ve been to prison. Is there anyone that you feel you still need some closure with?  I don’t think so. Sometimes no closure is closure.

Can you remember when you first learned how to read?  I can’t, actually. All I remember is that I suddenly wanted to read everything by the time I was 5 and asked for nothing but storybooks every Christmas.

What event in your life has transformed your personality the most?  College. Gabie also had a very big influence on me during our relationship.

Have you ever had any teeth pulled?  Yes, but it was because it was already decayed.

Do you still want to be what you wanted to be in elementary school?  No, but I do elements of it in my work so that works out well for me. I wanted to be an author when I was in grade school, and today I regularly write various materials in my job.

What’re some TV shows that you would like to get into?  I just wanna get reconnected with The Crown again. I was already into it but I had to stop watching for a LONG time, because the show had some personal connections to my ex and so it seemed hard to get into the new season without breaking down lol. Now that I’m doing fine, I feel like it’s a good time to revisit the show.

How would you feel if you were drafted for the military?  Won’t happen here, but it’s the kind of situation where I wouldn’t really have a choice and would have to follow.

What is your favorite Queen song?  I don’t have any.

Do you know how to use any foreign currency? What do you mean, use...? Don’t you just use money to pay?? Hahaha or if you mean convert, then yeah I know how to do that with several currencies – US dollar, Korean won, Euro, Japanese yen, and whatever official name the pound has.

Been kissed by someone who you knew was “bad” for you?  Nope.

Ever taken an at-home pregnancy test?  I have not.

When was the last time you were at a loss of what to do?  I usually don’t have plans laid out on weekends these days anymore, so lately it’s all been a matter of winging it and just wanting to make sure that by the end of the day I get to say I made the most out of my free time.

What did you do on your favorite date with a guy/girl?  The time we did museum hopping + Italian dinner, or the one where we had French dinner + jazz bar.

What’s a movie you have seen in the theater more than once?  I never do rewatches for movies still in cinemas.

What is the reason you’re still alive?  I was stubborn and wanted to see if life would get better; I didn’t want to leave my dogs behind; I didn’t want to miss out on how potentially great and exciting my life could end up being; I didn’t want to cause and leave an even bigger emotional rift on my family.

I’m so happy I stayed.

Have you ever had sex in someone else’s bed/bedroom?  Yeah. Not the best decision, and I wouldn’t do it again lol.

Do you ever brush your hair before you go to bed?  Sometimes, so that it doesn’t look like a bird’s nest when I wake up the next day.

Have you ever had a dream about sleeping with a celebrity? (You don’t have to give details.)  I don’t think so. I have definitely imagined it in...other ways, though.

Has anyone ever told you that they needed you? Do you think they meant it?  Both in the superficial and loaded senses, yeah. 

How did you feel when you woke up today? What was the first thing you thought about?  I felt kind of like shit, just because I slept for only 1.5 hours – my body automatically wakes me up by a certain time, no matter what time I fell asleep. And also because my back and shoulder muscles were killing me with how sore they felt.

Do you still tell your parents that you love them?  I show it, but I don’t say it. I’m pretty stingy when it comes to that phrase.

Have you ever said “I love you” to someone you weren’t going out with?  Yes? It shouldn’t be limited to people you’re dating? I express it to Anj and Andi all the time.

Have you ever been threatened before?  Sure.

Would you date someone with a physical disability?  Yes.

Think of the last person you had sex with. Do you think they’ve slept with anyone else since they last slept with you?  Purely guessing, it’s likely. I’m not updated about her life anymore, though; life has been going on as if she never existed.

The last time you dyed your hair, what color did you dye it?  I’ve never had it dyed.

Think of the last time you went out to eat. Who paid?  I went out by myself, so I paid.

Do you save at least 15 percent of your income?  Yeah. I had a very good saving streak in which I was able to save anywhere around 50-60% every month...and thennnn I became a fan of BTS early this month LOOOOOL so now I’m back to like square three when it comes to my savings haha. Like I still know my limits and when to fucking stop taking out money from my bank account, but I’ve been spending dramatically more than I have been in the last few months.

Do you ever go on Reddit? If so, what are some of your favorite subreddits?  I used to go much more regularly, to the point where it was a part of my daily routine. Now I go at least once a month. I usually check out the Ask Reddit (for anecdotes), Today I Learned (for trivia), and GMM subreddits. Sometimes I’ll get on the Squared Circle subreddit as well to be updated on wrestling.

Were you ever a flower girl or ring bearer in anyone’s wedding when you were little?  Many times as a flower girl, yeah.

Are your parents in good health?  Fortunately, yes.

Have you ever been a caregiver to a sick/disabled relative?  Nope.

Is there any type of medicine you can’t take? For what reason?  Not that I know of.

Do you have a favorite pair of pajamas? What do they look like?  I don’t have pajama sets since I find them too warm.

Do you have any interesting pillow cases?  Eh, I don’t think so.

If something on your body hurts, which part is it most likely to be?  Shoulder muscles or my lower back.

Are you more afraid of spiders or bees?  Bees.

Have you ever worn fake nails? If so, what did the last pair you wore look like?  No.

Is Russian or Native American history more interesting to you?  Native American.

[muzeez]

8:41pm

Monday

17th August 2020

I lost it today and I wished I hadn't. I threw a handful of cards at Hansel and walked out. Now I need to look for another job but in the heat of anger I didn't care about that at the time.

I'm just tired of everyone being miserable and mean towards me.

I went to the woolshop before going into work. Kathleen had heard that the woolshop was closing down and she phoned me up in a royal panic giving me a list of needles that she needed.

Gillian and Pat were working and they were chatting to eachother when I arrived. I told them that Kathleen had heard the shop was closing and asked if it were true. Yes, was the reply. I read out the list that Kathleen had given me and joked about the panic phonecall I had received. They weren't 100% enthusiastic about helping me and they weren't particularly friendly. Especially Pat. Gillian wasn't too bad but with Pat, it felt like she could do without my turning up.

I mentioned wool but said I don't know what type of wool she uses.

"Well, it's either soft or baby" Gillian replied with a little bit of impatience in her tone.

Well, if it were that simple, why doesn't Kathleen think that, considering she's virtually a professional knitter, I thought to myself.

After she sold me the needles, I asked if it was possible to take some pictures of some wool so I could show Kathleen. Pat decided she had somewhere better to be and disappeared.

"Miserable, ignorant, unfriendly Bitch!!" I thought to myself. It would have been great to say it out loud but I didn't.

However, Gillian was a little more amicable and said I could take a video if I wanted to.

"Hey, that's a good idea, yeah thank you I'll do that" I said. I took a quick, short video. While I was doing that Gillian went off to her own shop across the aisle. She could have stayed with me and given some narrative advice.

When I finished I planned to have a quick short chat with her but another miserable woman had hijacked her, telling her life story. I just said thank you as I was leaving and laughed about Kathleen fearing the internet, otherwise I could have done a video call with her.

"Do you want me to get you some" the other miserable woman said to Gillian. Cutting me off and continuing with their conversation, like my interjection wasn't welcome.

I couldn't help wondering at that point, what the real reason for lack of custom was. Can't blame everything on lockdown and the experience I'd just had wasn't exactly pleasant. I'd approached them okay, spoke directly, pleasant, friendly and upbeat, looked them in the eye. So, I wasn't doing anything wrong. Quite similar to the experience I'd had at OddJob Bob's.

Anyway, then I made my way down to the shop where I work. In a later phonecall Rasbach would be adamant that Hansel was absolutely fine that morning. No he wasn't. From the moment I walked in he had a face like a slapped arse. He looked furious about something but there again he did most mornings. Grinding his teeth together at the inconvenience of having to get out of bed to come to work and stay all day while me and Romeo were getting a full wage and getting loads of time off.

Or maybe he'd been looking at my Facebook account and kept seeing my smiling happy face and all the likes I was attracting and my light hearted posts. Maybe that was secretly annoying him. In previous weeks, I recall Hansel making a bitter comment about people posting stuff that have no purpose and how he only posts stuff that have purpose.

"What... Football?" I thought to myself, because that's all I see him posting about. Boring football and nobody seems quick to react to any of his posts.

Anyway, he had a miserable face towards me this morning and I tried to ignore it and remain upbeat.

Rasbach was also a little hit and miss this morning. I needed them to be pleased to see me. I needed them to be upbeat and happy. Give me what I'm giving you. It's bad enough that every single person this morning has had a horrible miserable face on them, I don't want to see my colleagues and bosses like that too.

Anyway, I took off my coat and started getting on with putting cards out. I kept trying to make eye contact with Hansel but he was making a point of not looking at me. He had no problem trying to establish eye contact with people passing by though, as always. Makes me feel like I'm holding him hostage and he's trying to get outside help.

He had such a face of thunder and it felt like it was towards me, he seemed fine with his Dad and his Dad was being fine with him. Doing their usual intimate whispering every so often. I really wish they wouldn't behave like this because it makes me feel extremely uncomfortable. No laughter, no love, no enthusiasm, just being plain miserable. Not only that, I've realised over the years that customers pick up on the mood when they come into the shop. I also believe they pick up on the dynamics between US. People aren't stupid and I've learnt that they pick up on the vibes and they play on them too. They can sense who is who and who is the underdog and they pick alot of it up from Rasbach and Hansel's body language and mannerisms.

Customers start being ignorant, rude and having a sense of contempt towards me. Rasbach and Hansel are like a pair of vultures and they sink their teeth into it. It's like, the customers at the slight contempt from my bosses towards me, so they act on it, then Rasbach and Hansel see the contempt from the customers towards me and that spurs them on, like they've now got confirmation, let's really go for it.

You really have to be right there, right in my shoes, for days, weeks, months on end to know what I'm talking about. I sure ain't imagining shit!

Anyhoooo, an old couple came in the far doors, as I was walking around the front unit. I went to say "morning" to them but the woman was looking right passed me, lips pursed outwards and nose pointed upwards. The man had a face full of thunder and he was also looking through me. Like they're immediately irritated at my being there.

"Well, y'know sommet" I thought. "I am NOT gonna be the one to be saying morning. It's a 2 way thing isn't it?" I can tell the difference between people who're twats people who aren't and I've had a gut full of always being the one to speak first and then they're response is rude.

I carried on with my work and as I was bent down in one of the female birthday units, (when I say 'bent down' I was fully doubled over and Hansel couldn't see me) the woman suddenly and abruptly shouted to me, "where's anniversary for husband?". There was such a tone to her voice.

Remember I'm doubled over, I'm not very well going to answer while I'm upside down. She had an opportunity to ask me when she waltzed passed me moments earlier, while I was looking in her face and stood upright.

I straightened myself up and even though I'd clocked her ignorance and abruptness I engaged with the woman with no problem. I always make a conscious effort to be right.

The two of them were already stood in front of the anniversaries so I said, "they're just in front of you love". Usually, I'd walk closer to people when I'm speaking to them but with all the social distancing thing, I kept back. Not because I'm being awkward, or because I believe they're going to give me Coronavirus or whatever but because I know it's on everybody's minds and everybody's on edge.

I then realised the husband anniversaries weren't in front of them, they were at the end. "oh no sorry, husband ones are down there." They didn't say thank you or anything like that. They're whole demeanor was rotten towards me.

Hansel's supposed to be pricing cards but he's picking up on EVERYTHING all the time. Especially, if it's negatively incriminating towards me. He's picked up on the couple's negative and abrupt tone towards me and that's giving him that boost, reassuring him, affirmation that it's okay to be contemptuous towards Muzeez. Customers are doing it, his Dad's doing it a bit this morning. Hansel's already spitting feathers towards me (I'm guessing it's my latest Facebook Post, a bright cheery, positive selfie.) and this is his excuse do pick on me.

"Why d'ya have to make things so difficult" he snarled as I walk by the counter. I looked at him and his top lip was curled up in a nasty anger sneer. This is the millionth time I've looked at him this morning and he still refuses to engage me properly with eye contact.

"Pardon!?!" i asked.

"I said, WHY..... DO YOU... HAVE.... TO..... MAKE... THINGS.... SO.... DIFFICULT...." he repeated, seperating each word and annunciating each word. The whole clever and horrible attitude in his tone, and briefly flicking his eyes up at me like I was a lump of shit, his top lip curling further and further up. My blood was starting to boil.

"Oh, what am I making difficult Hansel?" I ask, this time I'm getting an attitude and he doesn't answer. "No go on Hansel, how am I making things difficult?"

"it doesn't matter" he says, because he can hear the edge in my voice so he's deciding to sound all lovely and calm.

But by now I'm raging, "if you've got nothing pleasant to say Hansel, keep ya mouth shut."

[ladybugsfanfics]

Shut Up And Kiss Me [7/?] | Tom Hiddleston x reader

Pairing: Tom Hiddleston x reader

Style: part 7 of ?

WC: 4.3k

Warnings: cursing, Tom being a gentleman, 

Summary: You and Professor Hiddleston have been colleagues for many years now, and through those years the hatred for each other has only grown. Now, as a new school year starts, you’re being told that you have to share a classroom or a class. Neither are happy about the outcome, but knowing you’ll never come to an agreement, you let the class choose for you. Team-teaching is rare in 2019, but it is a lot harder to do when you can’t stand the person you’re doing it with. 

A/N: oof, this part took a long time for me, but I really like it and I hope you do to ^_^ also, thanks to @adefectivedetective for helping me with the idea of a play, it helped tremendously and I had so much fun writing it <3<3 enjoy!

send an ASK to be added to the taglist ^_^

Previous | Series Masterlist | Part Eight

It’s deathly annoying to relay the message to your best friend, and Benedict, and to the other few people (that’s a lie; there are no other people) you’d told about your payback on Hiddleston. Reality is; he’s just too kind. Yeah, you can be a bitch, but there’s a limit to how big of a bitch. 

Still, it sucks to not do a carefully planned out prank which would peg him down a notch and also (was supposed to) make him lose a little bit of the reputation he carries around that does him no good―honestly you’re getting sick of it. 

But you can’t do anything now. 

Hiddleston is just too nice. He offered to drive you home more than once last week after he did so two weeks ago. He offered to help you with your research―how he would be of help neither you nor he knows, but he offered and they say it’s the thought that counts. And worst of all, when you’d complained about Chris’s last day being Thursday, he had offered to take the whole Creative Writing class, giving you the chance to spend more time with the one week fling you’d had. 

There is just too much nice emanating from the person that is Hiddleston, and it’s getting on your nerves because you can’t be mean anymore. Now, mean makes you sound like even more of a bitch than you can be at times, and the times when you’re actually being a bitch, you sound even worse. That is a problem.

Maybe that’s a new reason for hating Hiddleston; he is so nice you can’t hate him that he makes you look like a horrible person―which is very wrong (though not always)―and he doesn’t even look guilty about it. 

The audacity. 

He even has the audacity to look kind of… handsome?... where he sits across from you in the café. This had been your idea, as a thank you for letting you cut class and go on that date. You’d asked Friday night, before you left to enjoy your weekend. 

“Hey, I just wanted to thank you again,” you said. “You hadn’t had to do that.”

He waved it off and gave you a smile. “No, it’s okay. I hope it was worth it, though? Did you get to say a proper goodbye?”

You nodded. “Yeah, it was really nice. But, as a repaying, what do you say we grade these stories together? Over coffee? Sunday, maybe?”

To be honest, you hadn’t expected him to say yes. And you’d both established there is nothing more to it than wanting to grade the first stories together, and a way for you to give back what you feel you owe.

But it annoys you that the thought drunk you had so many weeks ago has to linger at the back of your mind. Now of all times. It’s not like you haven’t thought so before―you can’t deny facts. 

Hiddleston is handsome, always has been and probably always will be. But that doesn’t mean he has to dress up for work and coffee with you. After all, he isn’t supposed to like you very much, yet there he sits;

His ginger hair is slicked back, curling up under his ear and in his neck. Every now and then he adjusts his glasses, either by lifting them entirely or by using his middle finger to push them back―considering how much he does the latter, you’re almost certain he’s sending you a message, one you would expect, but because everything else seems wrong, the message seems like something else. The blue eyes he hides behind the frames flicker over the words on his screen with an intensity you haven’t seen before. He keeps looking at it, scrutinizing the story and continuously making notes―the sound of his keyboard is slowly getting on your nerves. 

But, to be fair, it’s his clothes that triggers the handsome thought most. He wears the same sweater as always, dark blue that clings to his arms but falls a little everywhere else. The pants he wears are the same as always. The first time you saw the look, when you first met him, it was fancy and sophisticated, but now it feels old. 

Yet, at this very moment, it suits him in such a way it’s almost… You don’t have a word for it, but the way it has you swallow a lump in your throat and try to refocus your attention on the words on your screen doesn’t sit well. 

Benedict may have been right in assuming you’ve never really hated him, but that does not mean you like-like him. He’s handsome, you were attracted from the first moment you laid eyes on him, and that’s it. There’s nothing else to it. 

Drunk you probably admitted to him being handsome. Drunk you tried to say you like him, have a crush. Drunk you is known for being wrong. Plus, mixed with sleep deprived you, they are both known for making rash decisions. 

You shake your head. There is no need for this mindset, no need to contemplate Hiddleston, or his looks. All you have to do is read this story, comment on it and grade it. And then do that with the next one, and the next, and hope that you’re not too caught up in thoughts to not properly do your job. 

No.

You can do it. You can read the sentence. 

You can’t read the sentence. Nope, it’s all blurry. Fuck. “Uhh, I’m just gonna go… you know,” you say softly and gesture in the direction of the restrooms. 

Hiddleston looks up at you and nod, no real expression on his face. And is fast to turn back to the task at hand―if you’re correct he’s probably already read and graded a third of his stories. You’re still stuck on the first one. 

But you shake that thought off as well, get up and find the restroom. 

You close the door behind you and take a deep breath. There should be no reason for this, no reason for everything to bubble to the surface because something changed in the last month that distorts the ideal you got from him from the last three and a half years. 

The Christmas Party is a long time since. He’s probably forgotten, even if you haven’t. After all, it’s within you the guilt lies. Oh, I wish I could hate him. 

You shake your head and move to the sinks. Despite wearing some make-up, you turn on the sink and splash your face with cold water. It runs down your skin in a tickling manner, but it’s better than the heat that had made its way there. If you blush in his presence, so much as show any sign of weakness, blood will be spilled, and it will be yours. 

A deep sigh and a dry of your face makes for five minutes later. Where all you do is stare at the face in the mirror and ask what’s going on. But you know what’s going on; you’re becoming friends, or at least colleagues that can work together. 

So you nod, walk back out and sit down across from him with a newfound sense of courage and confidence. It makes it easier to concentrate on the work ahead, easier to concentrate on the story in front of you. 

God, I hope this isn’t going to be a regular occurence.

---

Being told there’s a Monday morning meeting is not the news you need when you step into the teacher’s lounge to steal a cup of coffee. Literally anything but the news of a morning meeting would be fine―especially when the person relaying the news is Hiddleston with somewhat of a smirk playing on his face that grows bigger when you groan loudly. He may be nice, but he still has some spark left. 

You walk together into the meeting room, where every professor have crammed themselves inside. There are no free chairs and the two of you lean against the wall in the back, hoping it’ll be over before it even starts. 

“You know what this is about?” you ask Hiddleston. 

He shakes his head. “Not a clue. Maybe there’s some change in something?” 

You cock a brow. “Change in what? Pay? Could use a raise now that I think about it.”

The comment gets a chuckle as a response, which has you smile triumphantly. Hiddleston doesn’t say more before Dean McHallan stands at the front with a nervous smile and a note card in his hands. 

“Hello everyone, so lovely that you could all take the time out of your morning to cram in here. I know it’s a bit crowded, but I hope you can bear with me,” he says with a small smile. The chatter dies down and every professor looks at the dean. “Now, what I have to say will probably surprise a few of you, but also make some happy. We have been asked to do a play in front of the students.” A groan erupts amongst the faculty, quickly hushed by McHallan. “Not long, it will only last for about a month with only one show, but with a message we want to give. Now, the play was written by our lovely drama teacher,” ―he gestures to a woman who stands at the side with a big smile― “and we have already figured out who should play the parts, seeing as there might be a rather few number of you who actually would volunteer to participate.”

McHallan sends a new smile out in the room. “Now, let’s see here.” He pulls the paper closer to him. “The male lead has been handed to Tom Hiddleston.” 

There’s a little cheer, but mostly uninterested clapping. With the exception of the drama teacher who looks Hiddleston’s way with a big smile and a flirtatious flutter of her lashes. Hiddleston himself gives a smile and nods, accepting the role just like that―probably not too weird seeing as the man always wanted to make it as an actor. 

You whisper a congrats to your coworker, who gives you a tight lipped smile in return. 

The dean coughs to get the attention back to him. “Now, for the female lead.” He takes a break, gaze travelling over the women in the room. “Y/N Y/L/N!” 

You blink. Frown. Stare at McHallan, who shoots you a smile from where he stands at the other end of the room. Hiddleston mumbles congrats and laughs at your expression. Most shrug, not really caring, but a kind of shriek erupts and everyone turns to see the drama professor glaring your way. 

“Excuse me,” she says, “how can she get the female lead in a play I wrote?” She gestures to herself. “Drama teacher,” then to you, “history teacher. Do you not have eyes?” 

“I agree with that, she can get the role if she wants to,” you say nodding. 

Of course, McHallan shakes his head and in your peripheral vision you see Hiddleston shake his, too. “We picked names from a hat, everyone has been assigned something so don’t go crazy from one role, okay?”

That discussion went over fast. You sigh and roll your eyes at Hiddleston’s smug expression, and then listen as McHallan lists the other characters and who were assigned them (Benedict got a tree, though he looks happy about it). 

---

The students file into the classroom as you read through the script. You read through it last night, or some of it, but you need to know if you read correctly at that last part. Because if you did―well, it won’t go well. For anyone.

“Awfully dedicated for someone who doesn’t want the role,” comments Hiddleston. 

You look up at him to see him put down his bag and shrug. “Did you know that the interaction in this between the two leads is the opposite of ours?” 

He nods. “I read through it last night. Not sure how you’ll pull it off.” 

“‘Not sure how you’ll pull it off’,” you mimic, “excuse me, but they kiss! They kiss.” 

“What are you worrying about? It’s just a kiss.” Hiddleston smirks and you swallow the feeling that shoots up at the thought of kissing him. You’re not sure whether you want to throw up or just need to eat something, but the twisting in your gut is not one of pleasure. 

Shaking off the thought, you put down the script and look up at the students in front of you. The chatter flows through the room, some seeming to be about what you just put down. Hiddleston coughs for attention and it quiets down, but their interest is piqued and a few hands shoot into the air. You nod for one of the boys on the first row to speak.

“Is that paper you were holding the reason you weren’t here on Thursday? Are you going to leave for an acting job?” 

You shake your head. “No, the paper and my absence on Thursday do not correlate. And no, I am not leaving for an acting job, because that script is for a play we professors are putting on for you guys.”

If it’s possible for multiple people to share a frown, that is what the thirty students do. “Why? And who are you playing?” a voice asks from the back row. 

“We were lucky enough to get the leads,” says Hiddleston and you roll your eyes. 

“Correction. He was lucky, I was unlucky because I do not want it.” 

Another ‘why?’ pops up. 

“First, I am no actor. Second, I’ll be playing opposite this dude and the two leads are love interests. I am not… I just don’t think I'm good enough of an actor.” You shake your head and press your lips together. 

“Can you show us some?” asks a voice in the middle. You can’t detect who said it, but you would love to let them know never to ask that, but before you can answer no, Hiddleston nods, says loudly ‘yes, sure’ and pulls out his script. 

You glare at him and try to put on a mask for the students. Some laugh seeing your resignation as you pick up the script again. “What do you want to see?” you ask, not wanting to choose anything. 

A chant of kiss scene erupts and your mind goes blank. That’s where we are, wow great. 

Hiddleston smirks, the same one as before. “Afraid of playing out some of it? Maybe they’ll boost your confidence enough to go through with this?” 

You sigh. “I wish I got the same role as Benedict. I would die just to play a tree.”

But that doesn’t help now and you find the―thankfully―only kiss scene in the script. It’s near the end with a long dialogue before it happens. Already now, your gut churns at the thought, nerves creeping up your arms and back, filling you with dread. This will never turn out good, especially not when you’re acutely aware of your students stares―at least they’re more attentive than usual.

“For context sake,” says Hiddleston, “before this a lot of things have happened that have caused the two characters to be rather wary of each other.” 

You nod, sigh and look down in the script. You don’t know the words by a long shot, but you know Hiddleston starts at least. And then he does. 

“I’m sorry.” You look up at Hiddleston and see the regretful look he sends you. “I didn’t mean to… it sort of happened.”

A deep breath. “How does that matter? That’s not an excuse, nor an apology.” 

Hiddleston takes a few steps closer to you. Your heart pounds in your head reading over the words he’s about to say. “No, it’s not. But it’s the best I have.” You look up and lock eyes with him, lock eyes with deep blue, so full of regret, eyes. “I love you.”

Your throat feels dry but you look back down in the script. “Not enough,” you say and despite the fact that you should look up and in his eyes, yours stay trained on the script. 

“How much is enough? What else do I have to do to prove my love?” Hiddleston tilts your chin up with a finger―god he’s a good actor―and you see the sadness that coats his face. “I would kill for you, love. I would―”

“It doesn't matter what you would.” You look back down in the script, losing Hiddleston’s gentle touch. “It matters what you did.” You take a step back, creating bigger distance between the two of you. 

Hiddleston meets your look and then glances down in the script. “Tell me what I can do. There has to be something.” 

You swallow the lump in your throat. You ignore your gut wrenching, the sweat coating your back and the obvious tension that lies like a blanket over the room. In your peripheral view you can see the students watch the two of you with curious interest, but instead, you let the pause break and open your mouth.

“Let me punch you.”

There’s a snicker in the student audience but your eyes are trained on Hiddleston’s reaction. He sighs, nods and opens his arms. “As hard as you need to.”

In the script, your character walks back to him, so you do the same. It says to lightly punch him, to act as if you take out your frustration by repeatedly hitting his chest and then, with tears streaming down your face, curl into it and let him embrace you. To be honest, you could use the hug, and you could use the punching bag. So you lightly do what it says, not really punch him but you make it look like that, and for some reason you’re comfortable enough to act like you’re crying and curl into Hiddleston’s chest. His strong arms secure you tightly, and you feel the heat rise in every inch of your body by how close you are. 

And then it’s the kissing part. You’ve read it more times than you can count. You know the words, the acting. But you don’t want to admit to it. 

The students are all quiet, probably leaning close and you hear someone whisper about the kiss coming soon. 

You pull from the embrace, though still close to him you look up at Hiddleston. He looks down at you, a pained smile on his face―completely in character―and then the words, spoken as a whisper, “Kiss me.”

Thankfully, oh so thankfully, Hiddleston smiles and pulls away, turning to face the students and bowing. You use a moment to realize what’s happening, but do the same as him and plaster on a smile. It’s not like your heart is beating a mile a minute. Like you wanted the kiss, no you didn’t. That’s silly. Weird. 

No, you shake it away, take the compliments that you are more than a good enough actor, and then relish in getting to actually start class. There are other, more important things than a play happening, and one of them is to teach a class. 

---

Lunch on Friday doesn’t come fast enough. After a class and then using your spare time―usually used for research, grading papers or planning classes―have gone to learning to play a role you don’t want to play, you need the break. The drama teacher, albeit angry about the whole ordeal, helps you out whenever she can and you’re grateful to her for her help, especially in knowing what message she wants to come across with the play, but it’s tiring. 

You slump down in the chair across from Benedict, mumbling a ‘hi’ to him and Eddie. They both cock their brows in you direction but neither says anything as you bite into the sandwich you prepared that morning. 

“Grumpy today, or?”

You divert your gaze to Hiddleston, who sits down in the free chair and places his lunch on the table. “Oh, how nice of you to comment on the fact that I don’t enjoy seeing your face.” 

He chuckles. “Sorry, what’s going on?”

“The usual this week. McHallan said we’re doing this for a month with one show, and I don’t wanna do this at all. The show we had on Tuesday was more than enough,” you say and take another bite. 

“Is she hard on you?” 

You finish chewing before answering, swallowing with your hand in front of your mouth―manners, right? “Hard? She glares at me during the entire thing. I bet she wrote it all just to be able to play the lead herself and kiss whoever got the male lead, and considering how happy she was when that was you I bet you’re that person.”

“Wait?” Benedict gets your attention. “You have to kiss?”

“Yes, Mr. Ignorant, we do.”

Benedict holds up his hands in surrender. “Sorry, I find it amusing. But either way, I don’t have the script since I have no lines and… thank you for the information.”

You roll your eyes and take another bite of your sandwich. 

Hiddleston smiles, amused probably. “She’s a little mad about that part. Especially after Tuesday and we showed a scene for our students and they ended up writing small paragraphs of us as a couple. They are, I think it’s called ‘shipping’ us now.”

“Oh, tell them welcome aboard. A lot of us have been doing that for a while now.” Benedicts comment only gets him a glare from you, something Eddie seems to find very funny, so you send one his way, too. 

“I just don’t see why we have to. I don’t want to kiss his ugly face,” you say. 

“It’s a play. It won’t last long,” replies Hiddleston. 

You press your lips together and find the picture you sent of it to Y/BFF/N earlier in the week. “It says here ‘kiss for thirty seconds, tongue is appreciated’. They want us to make out in front of the whole college. Excuse me but I can barely stand your face. The only good that would come of it is that I would have my eyes closed and wouldn’t have to look at you.”

“Well, at least you know what’s it like to make out with someone with a beard,” comments Benedict. 

You count to ten in your head. “I’m going to let that slide because I don’t hate you, but you are on thin ice. Be sure I’m not certain I want to help you next week after all. However, I’m there for your kids and not you, so you might be lucky.”

Eddie snickers from where he sits, a grin on his face and eyes flickering between you and Benedict. “To be honest, I thought this would be a quieter table, but I was wrong. I don’t mind, though.”

Hiddleston smiles. “Had she not been here, it would have been. But a little less fun, though.” 

You sigh and decide not to comment. It’s neither worth it, nor do you really have a good comment. At least he called you fun. 

 ---

Usually, you wouldn’t make the trip to the store on a Saturday meant to be inside and do nothing. Yet, there you find yourself, walking determinedly to the hot chocolate section and picking up a box of powder to make instant hot chocolate. On the way to the register, you swing by the candy department and grab your favorite chocolate. 

Yeah, it’s that time of the month. 

You manage to grab with you a bag of chips as well, and some berries, and oh, pastries look so good. Yup, chocolate donuts it is. 

As you stand in line, you’re certain you saw a ginger bob of curly hair. And you’re correct, as Hiddleston comes to stand in the queue behind you. 

“That’s a lot of chocolate,” he says and you nod. “Baking something? Or just relishing in it being Saturday?”

You nod. “Sure, we can say those are the reasons.”

“Oh, oh. Sorry, I don’t think that far.” 

You shake your head. “Don’t think about it, it’s really nothing. I’m just grateful there’s not much pain right now.”

Hiddleston nods. “I have heard that isn’t exactly lovely.”

“So,” you say, “what are you doing here?” You place the items you have―which became more than planned―on the conveyor belt, putting one of those rectangles to separate your items from Hiddleston’s and the guy in front of you. 

“Here for a last minute shopping, really. Found out I lacked some food,” he says. 

You nod. “Food is smart, that’s true.” 

“Yeah.”

The silence lasts after that until you get your total. You put your card in and type the code and press ok and… rejected. “That’s.. I’ll just try again.” And rejected. 

Fuck.

“Let me pay.” Hiddleston looks at you, a trying expression on his face, but you don’t have much choice. 

“I’m paying you back,” you say matter-of-factly. 

He nods. “Sure, you are.” He smiles at the woman behind the register when it goes through and says yes to the receipt. You snatch it from him and put it down in the bag you bag your groceries in. It’s not much, but it’s enough and you saw the price, you will pay him back. 

You wait for him to bag his own items before exiting the store together. When you near your car, you glance at him. “I will pay you back.”

“You need information to do that.” 

“I have my ways.” 

He nods. “Benedict, I presume?”

You nod. “Yeah, see you Monday.”

“Bye.”

And then you get in your car with a churning gut, a sweat-ridden back and the feeling that you might not be able to pay him back. But at the same time feeling a strong need to punch him for being such a gentleman.

He doesn’t have to. He doesn’t have to do anything. 

Which is exactly what makes it so hard to ignore that flutter in your stomach at the thought of him. 

permanent tags: @devilbat @adefectivedetective @gamillian

tom tags:  @inlovewith3 @bookgirlunicorn @mindlesschicca @justawriterinprogress @wolfsmom1 @loser-alert @satanskatze

tags:  @plooffairy @just-the-hiddles @jennytwoshoes @lokissidehoe @fruitfly123 @princetale @scorpionchild81 @noplacelikehome77 @winterisakiller @lostsoldieronahill @nonsensicalobsessions @cherrygeek86 @louhpstuff @olyamoriarty @sunshinein17 @kthemarsian​ @kumikowi @secretcupcakekitty @buckygrantbarnes @josis-teacup @runawaygiirl @januarycalendargirl @funny-fangirl @kinghiddlestonanddixon @scorpiomindfuck  @dr-kayleigh-dh @inmyworstlies @twhgirl @maah-chan @florencia93c @i-am-a-mes @o-deya @eyyyyyyyyyyyyyyyyyyyyyyyyyyy @cantaloupewatch @carpediem-spero @createdbyanintensenerd​

bold in the taglist are people tumblr won’t let me mention :(

[tiffgeorgina]

fuck it black monday soulmate au

this one goes out to brit pricevore and that damn quote rt about hating soulmate aus. also to all the time i wasted in the shower last night thinking about this. brit if you’re reading this i have done my part. 

this fic is sponsored by the hyuna and LE collab that i cannot stop blasting. it’s called blacklist and it kind of invented music

-ok so im starting with mo and dawn because of fucking course i am

-mo spends like four years in prison starting from when he’s 20 or 21 or sum shit. around this time, dawn’s getting her MBA from northwestern. as soon as mo’s out of prison, jammer stakes the jammer group and hands majority ownership over to mo. alright so mo needs some employees he can’t do all this by himself. so he schedules an interview with dawn and meets her and realizes that this is His Soulmate. 

-im not really certain what the exact soulmate au would be for this because frankly i don’t care, i don’t want to get into that rn lol. but it’s something obvious and clear-cut, like seeing color for the first time when you make eye contact with your soulmate or smth. Actually i rly like that idea so im gonna roll with it. Fuck it you see color the first time the first time you touch your soulmate (i’ll get into the general implications of this some more later on, maybe after keith/mike’s part stay tuned xx) i love me some ambiguous soulmate aus but all the relationships in this show are ambiguous enough so i’ll pass in that regard this time. also in this universe, your soulmate isn’t necessarily regarded as your romantic partner for life. some conservatives/evangelists/fundamentalists/traditionalists will consider any marriage/sexual or romantic relationships with people other than your soulmate to be an abomination or w/e, and the 80s were pretty conservative, but they were also pretty weird, so a lot of people give zero fucks and will date/fuck/marry whoever. these people tend to regard soulmates as the most important person in your life, regardless of the nature of your relationship with them. some people’s soulmates are like a parent to them, and could never imagine being romantic/sexual with them. lots of people never meet their soulmates due to distance/death/etc. basically fate is not as all-knowing in this soulmate au as it is in some others. there is more to a long-lasting, successful romantic relationship than just love. back in the 40s or whatever, people would meet their soulmates and marry like two weeks later, never having had sex or a romantic relationship with anybody else, and then two days into the marriage they realize how devastatingly incompatible they are and the relationship crumbles under the strain of resentment and confusion within a year. people in the 80s have started to learn the lessons the people in the 40s never had time to figure out, so most people have some romantic/sexual experience before they meet their soulmate. besides, who wants to wait that long to have sex? not me tf

-ok back to the plot now that we got the background is down. mo and dawn meet and know they’re soulmates. so they get to know each other, but their main focus is work bc they’ve got a lot of work to do if they want to get anywhere. the company is young, dawn’s just out of school, and mo’s just out of prison. there’s a lot of ground to cover and they’re impatient asf to be rich and powerful. 

-the romance sort of happens naturally, given how much time they spend together, and they fall hard. they start dating, and when it’s great, it’s great. but when it’s bad, it’s fucking horrible. they’re both really underdeveloped as people (should i mention that they both literally just entered the workforce lol) and they just. can’t. get. along. 

-they hire some more people, like keith and yassir and wayne, and even they can tell that their relationship just sucks. they fight all the time over petty shit, and their fights always go way too far and never get properly resolved. sure, the sex is good and they want pretty similar futures (lots of money and no kids), but emotionally, in the short term, they are as incompatible as it gets. they have the same argument that they’ve had a gazillion times about promoting dawn to partner, but this time it goes a little too far. the things they say are a little too hurtful, and at this point, the relationship is a little too broken to salvage. they both know that when dawn storms out that night, it’s the last time. she moves out the next day.

-but she can’t really quit, can she? at this point she’s put in like three years of work at this place, and it’s moving up the ranks, and she’s head trader. she’s not taking a pay cut because she’s too immature to work with her ex-who-is-also-her-soulmate. so she sticks around. it’s a little awkward at first, but she and mo just come to an unspoken agreement that they’ll spend less time together and let themselves detach as much as possible, because at this point, a romantic relationship just seems so impossible, so why try? they can be each other’s most important person without being romantic partners, right? of course they can! Yeah, maybe they were just destined to be platonic soulmates. this will definitely work.

-so dawn meets this guy. his name is spencer. they hit it off right away too. of course, they’re much less compatible (in terms of long-term plans and all that, especially regarding having a family) than she and mo ever were, and the chemistry is nowhere near as electric, but at least they can have a conversation about something other than how much they hate the lehman brothers without screaming at each other. despite how much she knows she doesn’t love him like she still does used to love mo, she thinks she can live the rest of her life like this. they get engaged after dating for a year, and then married after a six month engagement period.

-mo stays single for about a decade or so. the most serious relationship he has isn’t even monogamous and it’s like, barely a year. he tells himself that he’s not looking for love, and he’s much happier to just sleep around and count his money and focus on that. everybody he ever talks to knows this is a bald-faced lie. they choose not to bring it up.

-(IM REALIZING HOW SIMILAR THIS IS TO THE CANON BACKSTORY/PLOT OF BLACK MONDAY IM SCREAMING SHGLKSDFHGLKSDRGHLS WHATEVER IM HAVING FUN) so mo and dawn are still working together and their relationship is... getting better. time heals all wounds right? well, not if you keep rubbing salt in the wound by literally working with your ex-who-is-also-your-soulmate and seeing them everyday. they know subconsciously that they could’ve been really fucking great, if only they hadn’t been such idiots in their 20s. but now that chance is gone, and they both just have to accept that. they still get into fights and shit, but it tends to be over much more superficial stuff. of course, people without fifteen years of history don’t get into screaming matches over tiny shit like they do. but that’s the territory of working with your ex-who-is-also-your-soulmate.

-so mo has this stupid fucking idea that he doesn’t even run by dawn before throwing $60 mil on it, because of course he does. so she has no choice but to go with it. they hire this kid, his name is blair, because they need him to pull this off. blair finds out that mo and dawn are soulmates who used to date but don’t anymore, and he’s really not even that surprised. of course, it’s weird to find out that your bosses whom you’re weirdly close to, who seem to hate each other, used to be in love and date and the whole nine yards and all that, but it makes a lot of sense.

-so they go off to the predator’s ball bc even rich people need money sometimes. you know that scene where they’re walking back to their rooms after that wild ass night, and mo’s like “you want to call it, or?” and dawn’s like “would if i could but im married” and then they get into a fight over collateral shares? fuck that scene entirely. let dawn find out about that 30% collateral shit like the next day or some shit idfc. instead, dawn’s just a smidge drunker than she was in canon, or maybe she was thinking more clearly than she has in a while, and she just fuckin goes for it. she kisses him, and of course he kisses her, and they... sleep in the same room that night. lmfao you know what i mean. and so starts this sort of friends/business-partners-with-benefits thing. 

-they are next level awkward when they get back to NYC, and blair and keith notice the fuck out of it. they aren’t exactly on speaking terms, so they don’t bring it up to each other, but fuck if they don’t bitch about to their respective soulmates (which i will get into)

-dawn feels soooo guilty it’s unreal. But she rationalizes the hell out of it. Her relationship with spencer has a textbook dead bedroom (which is actually sort of canon), and she signed up for monogamy, not celibacy. it’s not her first example of fucked up morals for sleeping with somebody other than her husband, anyways; there are worse things she can do (and has done) than cheat. It’s not fair that he gets to have all the sex he wants while she has to suffer in silence. So she keeps hooking up with mo even if it’s the worst thing she could do for her relationship with him (and her relationship with spencer, who doesn’t even know that she’s met her soulmate, let alone that her soulmate is her fuckin business partner [canon divergent, spencer does not find out about her and mo in 1x02])

-mo feels guilty in theory but really he’s just happy to be with dawn again in some way. They’re never in dawn’s apartment, so there’s no chance they can ever be caught ever. This is fine. They are fine.

-as one can expect, they are not fine and spencer notices dawn acting differently. Eventually she has a couple drinks one night and the guilt overwhelms her so she ends up coming clean. Safe to say she and spencer get that divorce.

-around this time, mo is telling blair about the georgina play, and blair is telling him to go fuck himself. Also around this time, tiff is getting kidnapped.

-dawn immediately suspects that mo did some stupid shit when she finds out mo told blair everything. So she goes to find him, only to find him at his lake house, spreading ashes. After he tells her he knows nothing of tiff’s kidnapping and he’s spreading the ashes of a friend, she relaxes and they spend the night together, just talking over all the shit they’ve been through. They don’t have sex that night, but they feel what they used to feel when they were together 15 years ago.

-in the middle of the night, blair calls dawn in a blind panic, talking about how tiff’s parents arranged her kidnapping for the press without telling her. Blair says, “Let’s you and me run the georgina play. That’s right, i know you knew, you’re too smart not to” and dawn says “no.” she doesn’t give excuses or anything, she puts her foot down because she will not let this kid she’s known for barely a year convince her to fuck up the most fulfilling relationship she’s ever had as soon as they get to a good place again. She tells him she’ll run the play with him, but it’s not gonna be against mo. either all three of them are fucked with mo and dawn $60 mil in the hole and blair out of a job, or all three of them can be filthy rich and successful. That’s the deal. Blair says he’ll call her back tomorrow.

-the next morning, mo and dawn are talking on the doorstep, and mo brings up the georgina play and how the kid fuckin hates him now, and there’s no chance of pulling off the play bc he quit. Dawn’s like “yeah, about that… we need to schedule a meeting with him” and mo’s like “what for?” and dawn’s like “i spoke to him last night, his fiancée’s kidnapping was a sham that her parents pulled off and he might be in the right headspace to fuck them over right around now” and mo’s like “holy shit you miracle worker��� and they make out and when they walk back into the office, they’re hand in hand. 

-they call blair into the office and they basically just yell at each other for three hours. Keith, yassir, wayne, and ronnie do not know what is going on and frankly they are too afraid to ask. Eventually, they reach an agreement: blair will pull hand over 6% of georgina jeans in exchange for 20% of the jammer group, and another 25% to dawn (after they use blair’s algorithm to grab that last 30% from the lehmans). They shake on it, but none of them leave happy.

-blair’s not exactly happy to fuck over his parents-in-law, and mo isn’t happy to lose majority control of his own company. Dawn lucked out, gaining more power and losing little in the play, but her relationship with both of them is so on-the-rocks that she can’t imagine upholding a business partner relationship with them. This is gonna go so great after blair gets married in *checks watch* like two months.

-so blair gets married and the georgina play is a thing that happens (successfully might i add) and everything is kind of shitty because there are at least two relationships to repair here, and one that’s coming back from the dead. But little by little, they all get to a better place until they’re more or less back at where they were before mo told blair everything and they were all just friends except this time mo and dawn are dating xx

-WHEW and that is that on that. And by that on that i mean that on mo/dawn for this au. Dw im gonna get to blair/tiff and mike/keith and im super excited to write those too but i’ll make sure to put those in a separate post because i don’t think tumblr could handle a +7000 word post lmfao (since this post is nearly 2500 words jesus christ)

-i hoped y’all liked reading this as much as i loved writing it!! Again i love feedback and i read everything y’all say in the tags so please put stuff in the tags bc i love that shit!! Gn xx

[inyournightmares97]

Unsolicited (3/3) (M)

Jackson Wang is a perfect gentleman and he thinks it’s extremely vital that you understand… that is not his penis.

Warnings: Fluff. Crack? Adult topics, mentions of sexual harassment (but not too serious) and plenty of swearing. College!au. Find the links to earlier parts in the reblog/in my main masterlist! (Also this is unedited but I just have to sleep now and tomorrow is a long day) 

Word Count: 5.1k+

“Hey, hey, look! This crab looks a little bit like you!” Jackson Wang announced cheerfully, lifting the poor creature into the air. The tiny crab waved its pincers around in a panic and finally sank a pair into Jackson’s thumb. He let out a hiss and dropped the crab. “Ow! It even bit me! That crab is definitely you.”

You sighed as you walked over to him.

Why am I so attracted to this idiot?

“Maybe you should focus on picking up plastic and not tormenting the marine life?” you suggested while Jackson pouted and nursed his thumb. “Let me see that. You’re bleeding. Why would you even pick up a live crab if you didn’t know how to handle it?”

Jackson smiled down at you cheekily as you pulled out a handkerchief and pressed it against his bleeding thumb.

“Cause it looked kind of like you.”

You rolled your eyes. “I’m sure it did.”

“No, you should have seen it! It had this huge frown. See! Exactly like the one on your face right now!” Jackson insisted. You couldn’t help it. The corner of your lip twitched in amusement. You lowered your head and busied yourself with tying the handkerchief around Jackson’s thumb but he had already seen your smile. He fist-pumped his free arm in the air. “Yes! That’s smile number seven! I’m on a roll this morning!”

You looked up at him with a sigh. “Why are you doing this?”

Jackson shrugged. His own smile was bright. “I told you already, I like you. It makes me feel special knowing that you’re laughing because I made you laugh,” he replied simply. You took a deep breath and tried to stop your heartbeat from racing out of control. Jackson kept dropping these extremely sweet lines to you as if they were nothing. He didn’t seem to understand the impact his words had on you.

It was driving you crazy.

“You know what would make me smile a lot?” you asked nonchalantly, once you’d tied up his thumb. “If you picked up a little more plastic and did a little less harm to yourself.”

Jackson nudged you lightly. “Come on. It’s a beautiful day. There’s a lovely breeze, plenty of volunteers turned up to help with the clean-up drive. Even the volleyball team showed up in support. How’s that for a happy ending?”

You narrowed your eyes and glanced at the volleyball team; it was still beyond your understanding how Jackson Wang had turned the Environment Club’s mortal enemies into their allies in less than a day. Then again, Jackson just seemed to have this natural way of charming people. Wonho and Minhyuk were currently picking up soda cans as though they hadn’t been the ones who had dropped them there in the first place.

“How did you manage that?” you demanded.

Jackson blinked. “Oh, I exchanged numbers with Wonho and then I went over to his gym. Jooheon came too. After an intense workout and some smoothies, we were all best buds. Once I told Wonho about the fishies he convinced Minhyuk to come join the clean-up drive.”

You sighed.

“What?” Jackson wondered playfully. “What are you thinking?”

“I can’t decide if men are really that fickle-minded or if you’re just really charming,” you admitted. You looked up at him and narrowed your eyes. “Charming people are usually dangerous. I’ve got my eyes on you, Wang.”

“Great. Let me know if the shirt is blocking your view because I can get rid of that for you.”

You opened your mouth to respond but you were distracted by the appearance of two tall figures crossing the sand. You lifted a hand and waved at Bambam and Yugyeom in surprise. “Hey, guys! I didn’t know that you were going to show up!” you called out cheerfully. You had never imagined that the two idiots would haul themselves over here on a Sunday morning to help clean up but they were already wearing the volunteer tags and all.

Jackson chuckled. “You know those guys?”

“Unfortunately. I invited them here. I told them there would be free beers afterward.”

“Why would anyone hand out free beers at 9am?”

“A question those idiots neglected to ask,” you replied smugly as Bambam and Yugyeom finally reached you. You noticed that Bambam had a skip to his step and he greeted Jackson with a friendly clap on the back. Then he took a deep inhalation of the morning sea breeze and sighed happily.

“Isn’t it a beautiful day?” Bambam sang.

You raised an eyebrow. “Did he-”

“Yeah, Bambam                 finally asked out the girl who walks past the basketball court every day” Yugyeom informed you. “He almost screwed up but he managed to invite her to come to the frat party tonight. Are you coming to the party, Jackson-hyung?”

Jackson turned to you hopefully. “Will you be there?”

You cleared your throat. “Uh, frat parties aren’t really my scene, to be honest…”

“What do you mean, they’re not your scene? Of course they’re your scene,” Bambam scolded you with a pointed look. He wrapped an arm around your shoulder and gave Jackson a reassuring thumbs up. “Don’t worry about anything, hyung, I’ll drag her down to the frat house if I have to. She owes me her life considering I came to this stupid clean up drive.”

You shoved Bambam off with a frown. “You haven’t even picked up any trash yet.”  

“I will, give a man a few minutes to settle in for fuck’s sake.”

You sighed and raised an eyebrow at Jackson. “I’m sorry, how did these two guys manage to make it onto your basketball team? Don’t you have some minimum IQ requirement or something?”

Jackson chuckled. “Nope, we just needed tall guys. Besides, I wasn’t the one in charge of decision-making at try-outs. This guy named Jaebum and I are co-captains right now since the old captain dropped out of the team due to an injury. There’s going to be a vote later this week on who’s going to take on the position permanently.”

You blinked. “Oh. Good luck, then.”

Bambam clapped Jackson on the shoulder. “No worries, hyung, we’ve got your back.”

Jackson shrugged. “That’s okay, Bambam. Jaebum is an amazing player and leader too, so you can vote for either of us. It’s not a competition. We just want to see who the team members are more comfortable with so we don’t take an arbitrary decision, that’s all.”

Yugyeom sighed dreamily. “Hyung, you’re so cool.”

You bit your lip as you watched Jackson’s genuine smile. Was it possible that Jackson was really as golden-hearted as Bambam and Yugyeom seemed to think he was? He was so respectful and loving of people in general, and he had an excellent sense of sportsmanship. Jackson Wang was the most charming and easy-going person you’d ever met.

Could he really have harassed Nari and sent her those dick pics?

You were starting to seriously believe that he hadn’t, and that scared you. Was Jackson Wang really the good guy? Or were you so blinded by his charms and attractiveness that you were possibly siding with a sexual predator? You had no reason to believe that Nari had faked those screenshots but your gut was telling that she had. Still. What if your gut was wrong? What if you should be taking Nari’s side and comforting her as a victim?

“Okay, folks. Lots of trash to collect here, let’s stop chatting and get moving!” you announced.

Jackson smiled and gave you a small wink.

“The fishies need us, after all.”

--------------------------------------------------------------

You had seven missed calls from Nari.

She was furious that you hadn’t been answering her calls but to be honest, you didn’t really know what to say to her. Are you sure that you didn’t fabricate those text messages? didn’t seem like something you should be saying to a possible victim of sexual harassment. You didn’t have any proof that she had faked them.

You just really badly wanted to believe that she did.  

Nari: I want another appointment to meet you on Monday, as early as possible. You can’t keep ignoring me.

You sighed and texted her back, telling her to meet you during lunch on Monday. You were waiting for her response when Bambam burst out of your bedroom fully dressed and demanded your attention.

“How do these black pants look? Good? Bad? Should I change?”

You raised an eyebrow. “They look fine.”

He glared at you and placed his hands on his hips dramatically. “You’re worse than Yugyeom. What is even the point of having a female friend if she can’t even give decent fashion advice? Sometimes I wonder why I keep you around at all,” he huffed as he went back into your bedroom.  

You frowned and yelled after him. “You keep me around? This is my apartment, Bambam! You’re the one who barged in here three hours before the frat party with your entire wardrobe saying you wanted to get dressed here!”

Bambam slammed the door shut in response and you rolled your eyes. You knew he was being extra annoying because he wanted to impress this girl. Bambam seemed like a playboy on the surface and he put up a decent front, but when he really liked someone then he got all shy and anxious. You sighed and glanced at the clock. You had somehow gotten roped into attending the frat party as well. The thought of Jackson being there was making you nervous and you wanted to back out.

Bambam burst out of your bedroom in a pair of blue jeans and a rather nice black button-down shirt. You blinked at him in surprise.

“Hey, you look good in that.”

He rolled his eyes. “I look good in everything, bitch. Come on. We’re going to be late to the party.”

You sighed and dragged yourself off the couch.

This is going to be an interesting night.

---------------------------------------------------------------------------

There was a reason you hated frat parties and it was a very good one.

You somehow always found yourself standing alone and not knowing what to do with yourself. Bambam would go and flirt around with every woman in sight and within a few hours he’d have disappeared to a bedroom upstairs. Once Yugyeom got a little tipsy he started dancing and nobody could stop him. And you were left here with nobody to talk to and nothing to do except keep drinking.

Until Jackson Wang found you.

“Hey!” Jackson greeted you delightedly. You couldn’t help it; a smile crept up on your own face the moment you saw him. He was a welcome sight in this sea of drunken people. “I didn’t think you’d actually come! Bambam told me you were probably lurking in some corner somewhere.”

You flushed. “I’m not much of a dancer…”

“Do you drink?” Jackson held up two plastic cups in front of your face. “This one is coke mixed with vodka and this one is just coke, take your pick.”

You shamelessly reached for the vodka and Jackson chuckled. His gorgeous smile was making you giddy and you were even more flustered when he gently took your arm and steered you away from the crowd of people. There was an empty couch that Jackson gestured for you to sit on. He sat next to you; close enough that your shoulders were touching but not overbearingly close.

“So, why is a girl like you friends with Yugyeom and Bambam?” Jackson wondered lightly. “I never imagined those two would be your friends but they tell me you guys are really close.”

You sighed and took a sip of the vodka. “I think I just naturally attract stupid.”

Jackson chuckled and looked at you for a long moment. His brown eyes were staring straight into yours. There were so many emotions in his eyes. Curiosity, affection, a little bit of playfulness and something else that made you feel warm and fuzzy. A drunken guy sank onto your other side of the sofa and nearly flopped onto you. You winced and Jackson noticed instantly.

“Come here, switch sides with me.”

“No, it’s fine-”

“You don’t want him falling asleep on you, come on, you sit on the armrest side,” Jackson insisted, standing up and forcing you to scooch down. You bit your lip and took his place while he shoved the drunken guy away and blocked him off with his arm. Your stomach exploded in butterflies.

Maybe it was the vodka, maybe it was just Jackson but you really wanted to just lean forward and kiss his pretty lips right then and there.

“So, what made you come to this frat party?” Jackson teased you lightly. “Was it perhaps in the hopes of seeing my beautiful self?”

“Yes,” you blurted out.

Jackson’s eyes widened a little bit but he let out a small, pleased laugh. “Okay, I wasn’t expecting that. How much have you had to drink so far? Because now I’m starting to think that I shouldn’t have given you the one with vodka.”

You pouted. “This is just my second shot, I’m fine.”

“You really came here to see me?” he wondered. He gave you a hesitant smile and for the first time, Jackson looked a little bit unsure. “Don’t lie to me about stuff like that, you already know I like you. You’re gonna get my hopes up.”

You looked down at the drink in your hands and blushed. “I want to like you,” you mumbled.

Jackson sighed. “But you’re not sure if you can trust me, right? Because you still think that I might have sent some girl pictures of my dick,” he pointed out. He sighed and ran his fingers through his hair with a frown.

You bit your lip. “I’m sorry Jackson, it’s just…”

“I know, I know. I just can’t think of a way out of this.”

“I might have to file an official complaint against you if I can’t get that girl to back off. And… well, it’s not really my job to get her to back off. It’s my job to support her and I want to do that but at the same time I might be getting you into serious trouble with the university authorities and I don’t want to be responsible for ruining your life. You seem like such an amazing guy but the truth is that a lot of sexual predators seem like nice guys at the start and…and…”

Jackson bit his lip and nodded. “Yeah, you don’t have to explain yourself.”

You felt a tear begin to form in your eye. Fuck, too much vodka.

“I want to trust you,” you sniffled. “But I’m worried that you might just be really charming and hiding something uglier deep inside. Am I a bad person?”

Jackson reached out and squeezed your hand softly.

“Never. This is not your fault.”

“Really?”

“Yeah. But if you’re really worried that I might have… might have done something like harass some girl and send her vulgar pictures then I can’t even imagine how uncomfortable you must feel around me.” Jackson forced a smile and then slowly began to get up. “You know what? I’m going to leave you alone now because I don’t want to be that guy.”

Ah, shit.

Your throat closed up. “No, please don’t avoid me, that’s not what I meant.”

Jackson sighed. “I know. I don’t want to, you have no idea how attracted I am to you. It’s insane. But considering the circumstances I feel like it would be easier for you if I stopped trying to flirt with you, right?”

You felt miserable. Jackson was the first guy you’d felt comfortable with in a long time. He was the first guy to make you laugh so easily, the first guy that genuinely made you want to trust him. Why did things have to be like this? You just knew in your gut that Nari was lying and you didn’t want to lose Jackson because of this. How could you just sit here and let this happen?

“Jackson…”

“I’m gonna go to the bathroom and if I see Bambam or Yugyeom, I’ll tell them to come find you, okay? Don’t drink too much,” Jackson told you softly. He squeezed your hand again and then gave you a soft smile before disappearing into the crowd of people. You sat there silently and felt miserable.

Why couldn’t things just be easier?

You finished the entire glass of vodka and slowly got to your feet. You were tispy now; by this time you would normally be in a pleasantly giggly mood but you didn’t feel like smiling at all. You wanted to go home. You wanted to go home and bury yourself under the blankets and cry. You started to weave your way through the crowd of dancing people when you suddenly bumped into a girl, hard. You blinked a few times and her image became clearer to you.

“Nari?” you wondered.

She raised an eyebrow. “So it’s you. You’ve been ignoring my calls all weekend so you could party?”

You flushed in anger. “I’m not required to talk to you on the weekend, you’re supposed to make an appointment and come see me. Why are you here anyway?” you demanded. Considering that this was a closed party and you’d only been invited because Yugyeom and Bambam were part of the fraternity, you wondered who had invited her here.

“I’m here with my boyfriend,” she told you smugly. “Im Jaebum.”

You blinked. Im Jaebum. You’d heard that name before. Where had you heard that name before? You felt you’d heard it very recently and also that it had come from Jackson’s pretty lips, but…

“Im Jaebum co-captain of the basketball team?” you blurted out.

Nari nodded. “Yup. That’s right. Now if you’ll excuse me, he’s waiting for me.”

She disappeared off into the crowd and you felt your head spin. This didn’t make much sense. Jackson had spoken about Jaebum as if he was a friend. But somehow his girlfriend was filing a sexual harassment complaint against him? Shouldn’t this have affected Jackson and Jaebum’s friendship at some point? You suddenly remembered Nari repeatedly talking about wanting Jackson kicked off the basketball team.

Something wasn’t right and alarm bells were ringing in your head.  

You headed back inside the party and found Yugyeom dancing on the dance floor, already buzzed and dopey-eyed. You grabbed his sleeve and yanked him down to your height. “Hey! Kim Yugyeom! Listen to me for a second, this is important. I need you to tell me something. You know Im Jaebum, your basketball captain?”

Yugyeom was still wiggling his legs in time to the music but he stopped his upper body long enough to listen to you and bop his head furiously. “Yup!” he told you with a drunken grin.

“Does he have a girlfriend?” you demanded.

Yugyeom looked down at you and his eyes widened dramatically. “What? You’re interested in Jaebum-hyung now? But what about Jackson-hyung, he likes you so much, you can’t just go and date his friend without telling him! That’s so cruel!” he scolded you. You sighed and pressed your fingers to your temples. The effect of the alcohol you drank was already wearing off from his idiocy.

“No, I’m not trying to date him I just want to-”

“Besides, Jaebum-hyung has baggage. There’s this freaky ex-girlfriend of his that cheated on him a few weeks ago and now she’s just constantly hanging around out basketball practice trying to get him to take her back it’s so pathetic,” Yugyeom continued. “She tried to fight this other female friend of his. You don’t want to mess with a crazy bitch like that. Believe me. She’s psycho.”

“Is her name Nari, by any chance?”

Yugyeom bopped his head. “Yeah, Nari, Nora, something like that. No wait. Nora is his cat. Or is Nari his cat? Anyway, one of them is his cat but the other is his ex-girlfriend-”

You let go of Yugyeom. “Thanks, Yugyeom, you’ve been a great help.”

You wandered back into the party, looking desperately for Jackson while you stumbled over your feet. You weren't completely positive but now you felt like Nari had some semblance of a motive to frame Jackson for the text messages. You had to know what Jackson thought about this. Maybe he would find some way to prove himself innocent, maybe Jaebum could help. Maybe all Nari wanted was to get Jackson kicked off the basketball team so that Jaebum could be the captain.

Fuck that stupid bitch, fuck her so much…

You couldn’t find Jackson anywhere. You spotted Bambam, red-faced and flirting with a very pretty girl that was probably his crush but he told you he had no idea where Jackson was. Neither did anybody else. You were about to give up when suddenly, you spotted him coming down the stairs out of the corner of your eye.

“Jackson!”

Jackson spotted you and waved enthusiastically. He looked excited as he shoved his way past people in order to make his way towards you and his cheeks were flushed.

“Listen, Jackson, I need to talk to you!” you began. “I think I might have an idea-”

Jackson cut you off and threw his arms around you, pulling you into a tight hug. You were shocked by the sudden affection but you pulled away and he was grinning from ear to ear. He leaned closer to you and grabbed your shoulders urgently.

“I found it!” he bellowed at you. “I found the right dick!”

“You found the… what?”

Jackson placed his hands on your cheeks and squished them delightedly. “You are so adorable! I found the dick from the pictures! It was right in plain sight all along, I don’t know why I didn’t recognize it before! Come on upstairs, I’ll show you!”

You didn’t have time to respond before Jackson had taken your arm and was leading you up the stairs through the crowds of people. You followed him silently, bewildered, until he banged open a bedroom door. The room was empty except for a slightly green-faced man sitting on the edge of the bed. He blinked up at Jackson as soon as you both entered.

“Hyung, I think I’m gonna puke,” the man muttered drunkenly.

Jackson ignored him and waved a hand in the air dramatically. “Behold, the owner of the penis that started all this trouble in the first place. I walked in on him peeing in the bathroom just now and I swear to god it is absolutely one hundred per cent his dick.”

You stared at the man.

“Youngjae?”

Youngjae blinked at you. His eyes were unfocused and he looked nauseous. “I think I’m going to puke…” he repeated weakly.

“Jackson, he looks sick!” you cried. You found a bin in the corner of the room and hurriedly placed it in front of Youngjae so that he could lean forward and puke into it. Jackson sighed and patted Youngjae’s back comfortingly.

“Yeah, he’s fine. He just had too much to drink. He’ll sober up soon. But listen! The penis in the picture is his penis, okay!” Jackson cried excitedly. “I can prove it to you, I swear!”

You winced. “You are not going to take Youngjae’s pants off while he’s drunk-”

“I know, I know, give me your phone and show me the dick pic, I promise it’ll only take a second!” Jackson insisted. You reluctantly opened up your email and found the dick pic before handing the phone to Jackson. He waited for Youngjae to finish puking before shoving the phone in his face. “Youngjae! Youngjae, look, do you recognize this picture?”

Youngjae stared at the picture for a long moment and then blinked slowly. 

“That’s… that’s my penis.Why do you have my penis?”

Jackson beamed. “See!”

You frowned and folded your arms across your chest. It was definitely a relief that Jackson’s penis wasn’t the one in the picture but there were other consequences to this sudden discovery. “Youngjae, did you send a picture of your dick to a girl without asking her?” you demanded. “Were you the one who told Nari you would rape her and stuff?”

Youngjae blinked. “What?”

You sighed and kneeled down beside him. “When… did you send… this picture?” you repeated slowly.

Youngjae groaned into the bucket and then looked up at you miserably. “T-tinder,” he mumbled. “Three months ago. Some girl asked me to send her nudes and then she ghosted me. Never used the app again.”

You sat back in relief. “So Nari did fake the texts!”

Jackson grinned at you and he pulled you up to his feet before taking both of your hands in his. “Are you convinced?” he asked you hopefully. His dark eyes were shining. “Are you convinced that I wasn’t the one that sent those dick pictures to that girl?”

You nodded.

“So you’ll go out with me?”

“I’ll do better,” you decided, and pulled Jackson down to kiss him. His soft lips met yours eagerly and you let yourself melt into his warm embrace. Jackson didn’t hold back. He had wanted to kiss you ever since the first moment you smiled at him and he was not going to waste this opportunity. His lips caressed yours and his fingers slid into your hair. You were gasping for breath by the time he pulled back.

“Wow,” he whispered.

You giggled. “That was nice.”

“Fuck, you’re so cute,” Jackson mumbled before kissing you again. He took your face in his hands and kissed you again, and again, before pulling back with a small smile. “You taste like vodka so I’m going to stop here.”

You grabbed onto his shirt eagerly and puckered your lips up at him. “No, one more kiss-”

“Nope, you’re drunk. Come on. Let’s get you downstairs and back to the party.”

You bit your lips and flushed happily as Jackson wrapped his arm around your shoulder and began to lead you out of the room. It felt amazing being in his arms and exciting to finally have proof that Jackson was the wonderful person he seemed to be. You were just about to shut the door behind you when you heard Youngjae croak feebly.

“Guys? Can someone please get me some water?”

----------------------------------------------------------------------------------------

You were completely drunk when Jackson finally carried you back to your apartment.

After getting a few drinks with Jackson, you finally managed to confront Nari about faking the texts in order to get him kicked off the basketball team. It turned out that she had been trying to help Jaebum become the captain in the hopes that her bold sacrifice would make him take her back. Unluckily for her, Jaebum was completely unimpressed upon learning that she had used dick pics obtained from one of his friends in order to falsely implicate another.

It was only when drunken you began screaming at Nari (something along the lines of if you want a dick so bad then come suck mine, bitch) that Jackson decided you’d had enough for the night and ushered you out of the party. He was extremely amused by how you curled up beside him in the taxi and how you kept stroking his biceps lovingly.

“So this means,” you pointed out with a giggle, as Jackson walked you towards your door. “That I haven’t actually seen your dick yet.”

He raised an eyebrow. “That would be correct.”

“That’s kind of disappointing. All this time I thought I was looking at your penis. I actually have no idea what your penis looks like. At all. Isn’t that wild?”  

Jackson chuckled as he helped you fish your keys out from your jacket pocket. He let you lean on him clumsily as he opened the door for you, and then put the keys back in your pocket. “It’s not so wild,” Jackson replied. “If you must know, my penis is not open for public viewing, I only show it to very special people.”

You blinked at him. “I’m not special?”

“You’re special, but you’re also drunk so I’m not sure you really want to see it. How about you go to bed for tonight and we’ll talk about my dick a little bit more next time?” he offered lightly. You pouted but Jackson simply pulled you closer to him. He wrapped his arms around you in a warm, affectionate hug. “I’m just happy you trust me for now.”

You looked up at him. “I like you.”

“I like you too, babe.”

“You make me smile.”

“And you make me smile too,” he told you with a chuckle. “Now come on. Go inside, go change and go to bed. I want you to text me when you’re all tucked in, okay?”

You nodded obediently.

He leaned forward and kissed you gently on the forehead. “Good girl.”

---------------------------------------------------------

(03/04/19, 01:35)

You: Jackson….

Jackson: Hey babe

You: I got into bed and snuggled in under the covers like I promised

Jackson: Good, I knew you could do it. Are you comfy?

You: Yup. I slept naked under the covers. Want to see?

Jackson: Maybe not right now…

You: (attachment) IMG_20190304_5467.jpg

Jackson: Okay wow you just did that. Okay. I don’t really know what to do with this, I’m just hoping that sending drunk partial nudes isn’t something you do regularly?

You: No, you’re the first.

Jackson: Okay wow

You: Am I ugly? Do you think I’m ugly?

Jackson: You are definitely not ugly. You are gorgeous. It’s just that it’s gonna be really hard for me if you keep doing this

You: I feel so embarrassed I can’t believe I did that you must think I’m so ugly

Jackson: You’re NOT ugly

You: Really?

Jackson: Yes I am insanely turned on right now even though I’m trying really hard not to be because I know you’re drunk.

You: I’m not drunk.

Really. I’m not. I sobered up, I promise.

Jackson?

….. Can you show me how turned on you are for me?

Jackson: You don’t mean that.

You: I do. Please please please please

Jackson: Oh fuck. Okay you have to promise not to hate me tomorrow.

You: I won’t.

Jackson: I feel like I’m going to regret this but fuck, you’re driving me crazy so here goes

Jackson: (attachment) IMG_20190304_3218.jpg

You snuggled into your pillow and giggled as you watched the last image that slowly loaded onto your phone screen. Perhaps it was true that dicks were a little ugly, perhaps they would never be quite so delicious or mouth-watering as washboard abs or bulging biceps.

But when the dick was attached to someone as kind and sweet and gorgeous as Jackson Wang…

… well, it really wasn’t so bad after all.

----------------------------------------------------------------------

[taliasburns]

POSIE / HIZZIE HIGHSCHOOL AU (NO POWERS)

i promised this like ages ago so pls dont hate me but heres 2k of me writing yet another semi fic that started out as headcanons and ended up with me writing a story. (also you can pry cheer captain! penelope park from my cold dead hands) (a huge thanks to @posh-with-2-fields for helping me write this)

hope: big ass loner in school but last year she punched rafael waithe in the face after he harassed a girl (the girl was lizzie Saltzman, whom she is completely in love with) so everyone admires her (the guys are kinda scared of her)

josie: the quiet saltzman twin, really fucking smart. she’s in the school like orchestra thing (school band??) and she plays piano. she also plays in the  field hockey team with her twin. (she wants to focus on her music but she’s afraid of what lizzie will say)

penelope park: ur perfect hbic, captain of the cheer squad. super smart and openly gay. (she’s a fucking rebel, can tear you down with her words and all the girls wanna get in her pants)

lizzie saltzman: hbic 2.0, captain of the field hockey team. secretly in love with hope ever since the girl punched raf in the face when he was harassing her in the locker room. she just admires hope from afar bc she’s afraid her reputation will fall if she were to ask hope out

then they have to do a group project (with a partner). Lizzie gets paired with hope and josie gets paired with penelope

lizzie and hope work on the project in the twins room. Lizzie told josie to go to penelope’s dorm (“josie don’t you dare fall for her charms”)

(people say penelope is a player and people know her as a player (surprise surprise shes not)

So, lizzie being completely in love with hope (but still denying it) keeps accidentally flirting with hope and hope being the useless gay she is gets completely flustered whenever she does it. (lizzie keeps touching her and she CANT DEAL WITH THE SOFT TOUCHES)

Penelope and josie meet up to work on the project on days penelope doesn’t have cheer practice (josie loves how seriously she takes being captain, on Fridays she has practice early so they can still work on their project and penelope always tells her how proud she is of the girls on her squad)

(josie is slowly finding out penelope is definitely not the heartless bitch lizzie describes her as) (maybe she is slowly falling for the charm that is penelope park) (maybe she’s okay with that)

on the days penelope has cheer practice she has to walk by the music room to get to her dorm. Since two weeks ago there has been a girl in there playing piano and singing. (penelope first heard her two weeks ago, now she sits against the door every Monday and Wednesday listening to this girl play and sing)

she doesn’t know who the girl is. (the girl locks the door behind her (yes penelope tried to open it once) she might be falling in love with her voice (she tries to find that voice every school day (shes afraid she’ll never find the girl).

At the same time penelope starts to fall for josie Saltzman. Her soft smiles, her willingness to help other people, her terrible jokes (she tells josie they’re terrible, she loves them). She asks pedro (the kid she tutors) if it’s possible to fall for 2 people at the same time.

While they’re working on the project hope and lizzie get to know each other and grow closer. Lizzie tells hope how much she hates the fact that her mom and dad are always travelling, that they never have time for her and josie.  Hope shows lizzie the painting she made of her dad (he died 7 years ago, hope still misses him more than anything)

Hope loves how she and lizzie have become friends (it still stings when lizzie treats her as a mere acquaintance when in the presence of her friends, she tells herself that having a friendship behind closed doors is enough (it’s not)

3 days before they have to present the project to their class penelope’s roommate decides to invite her boyfriend over. Josie and penelope cant use the twins dorm either because hope and lizzie are working on their project in there so josie suggests they use the music room. She tells penelope she has a key to that room so she can practice during after school hours. (when josie sits down at the piano and starts playing a quick tune penelope recognizes the song as the same one she heard mystery piano girl play yesterday)

That is the moment penelope park realizes two girls shes falling in love with (the one with the beautiful voice and the one with the soft smiles and terrible jokes) are actually the same girl.

Back at the twins dorm hope and lizzie are sitting on lizzies bed joking around (they finished the project like 3 hours ago)

After a joke hope makes she falls into lizzie and when she looks up lizzie’s face is suddenly very close to hers, she decides to just go for it and kisses lizzie (who is she kidding she has been trying to pick up the courage to kiss lizzie for years (she has been a bit in love with the girl ever since she first saw her at freshman year)

Lizzie kisses back for a few seconds before she suddenly rips herself away and jumps from the bed. And asks hope what the hell shes doing.

Hope is like... i thought you would be okay with this. Lizzie tells her she would never want to date a girl or kiss a girl let alone hope of all people (2 seconds after she says this she hates herself for saying it, it may have something to do with absolute broken look on hopes face)

Hope’s still standing in her room and lizzie doesn’t know what to do (she’s afraid shell break down crying if hope doesn’t leave soon)

Hope is starting to walk towards her so she yells out get the fuck away from me mikaelson (she hasn’t called hope “mikaelson” in weeks, it sounds foreign on her tongue, she hates it)

After hope basically runs out of the door she collapses on her bed silently crying. After a few minutes she hears the telltale sound of josies laugh coming down from the hallway (her heart hurts knowing josie found her person, that she dares to be open about who she loves) she doesn’t want to take her sisters happy moment away so she pretends to be asleep

The following days leading up to the presentation hope somehow manages to avoid every type of interaction with lizzie (one time she literally jumps out of a window to avoid being in the same room as lizzie)

Lizzie tells herself its fine, she tells herself her reputation would have been ruined (she’s not fine, her eyes automatically look for hope in every room and she misses her more than anything)

On the day of the presentation  hope walks into the classroom. Lizzie thinks her heart might have skipped a beat (maybe even 3).

Penelope’s and josies presentation is flawless. (lizzie feels a pang when she sees the absolute adoration in both penelopes and josies eyes, she glances at hope, the girl is pointedly staring at the board)

Lizzies and hopes presentation goes off without a hitch, still lizzie feels like her stomach is filled with lead (this may have something to do with hope avoiding all eye contact and her walking out of the classroom the moment the class is over)

After class penelope walks up to josie, building up the courage to finally ask the girl out (at first josie doesn’t understand, “but pen, the project is over, you don’t have to hang out with me if you don’t want to”)

After that penelope just blurts out she wants to take josie out on a date (josie blushes profusely and stammers out a yes). Penelope secretly does a tiny fist pump (josie totally sees it)

They have their first date in the music room (but josie, babe, for me this is the place where it all started) and penelope kisses josie right after josie finishes the song she played when penelope first heard her (you sat here all these days and i had no idea!!)

Its a week after the presentations and hope is still not talking to lizzie (lizzie is starting to doubt if her reputation is worth all this pain) (people are starting to notice her staring at hope all the time too, shes not even sure if that bothers her anymore)

It all comes to head when penelope asks her about hope. (ever since penelope got paired up with josie their relationship has been less strained, now that pen is dating josie they even consider themselves friends)

Lizzie breaks down (penelope freaks out at first and texts josie to come to the twins dorm a s a p) and eventually lizzie tells josie and penelope everything. About hope, about having fallen for the girl, about them growing closer, about hope kissing her. And about lizzie freaking out, being afraid of her reputation falling, and pushing hope away so far shes afraid shell never get the girl back.

Josie tries to talk to her but eventually it’s penelope’s words that stick with lizzie (honestly liz, reputation isn’t important, in 10 years everyone will forget about who you were in high school, especially all these other “popular bitches”, the people who stay with you are the important ones, hope is one of those people)

After this lizzie starts to actually be herself, not the version she wanted to be to stay popular. She sits with penelope and josie (usually mg, kaleb, jed, and landon join)

When one of the players from the football team asks her out during lunch break she finds herself saying no. When he asks why she tells him shes in love with someone else and that this girl is so much better than him. (lizzie later realizes that she basically came out to the whole school, in the moment itself, all she saw was hope mikaelson staring at her from across the room)

A week later Rafael waithe again manages to corner her in the locker room (taunting her about the fact that a date with him will get her straight again)

He starts walking towards her but before he can set 3 steps someone steps in front of him and punches him in the face (lizzie knows its hope, she’d recognize her anywhere)

After Rafael walks away (once again with a broken nose) hope asks her if shes okay (hope is talking to her and lizzie has never been more okay)

Hope starts to walk away (im glad you’re okay lizzie)

Before she can do that lizzie grabs her hand, spins her around and kisses her. Hope stands still for a full 2 seconds (lizzie starts to back away thinking she made a mistake, that she truly went too far, that hope will never forgive her) before she grabs lizzie and smashes their lips together

When they finally catch their breaths (hope has lizzie pinned against the lockers) hope asks her what changed.

Lizzie just tells her she changed (and that someone made her realize hope is worth so much more than a freaking reputation and girls she doesn’t even want to be friends with) (she also tells her shes so sorry for the way she treated hope, that she wont ever forgive herself for doing that)

Hope just smiles and kisses her again (they stay in the locker room so long the janitor has to pull them out of it)

3 weeks later penelope walks away from her cheer practice with lizzie (who just finished her own practice) when they walk through the school they hear music coming from the music room. When penelope opens the door they find josie and hope sitting by the piano. Josie is trying to learn hope a song (even though hope sucks at playing piano)

They both look up at the same time seeing their girlfriends (softly smiling at them from the door opening, wondering how they got so lucky)

[ilovemygaydad]

No One [part 1]

from the friends in dark places au

pairing: toxic roman/oc

summary: someone from school makes an insensitive joke that sends Roman spiraling into some old memories of past trauma

WARNINGS: (none of the sexual elements are explicit, merely mentioned and implied) non-consentual sex, sexual assault, date rape drugs, drug usage, implied underage sex, blackmail (in the form of cp), transphobia, transphobic slurs, forced coming out, misgendering, food mentions, rebellious behavior, insensitive comments, crying, physical assault, PTSD, and possibly something else

tag list: @hufflepuffgirl01 @cocobearthe4th @cas-is-a-hunter @band-be-boss-blog @theunoriginaldaisy

a/n: jsyk, it’s totally okay to ask for a modified chapter if you need it or if i need to add tags! i get it, and it’s no problem for me to quick edit a chapter or whatever :) also, feel free to send requests or questions that you have!

a/n 2: hey so this story is super dark and shitty, so please read with caution! i’m happy to summarize for anyone who needs it!!!

first of main plot - companions

consider buying me a coffee (please)

-

October 19, 2016

Roman shut the door to the practice room silently. He knew each nook of the choir room, including which doors were particularly loud. His back hit the door with a soft thud, and his tears softly dropped onto the carpeted floor. He slid to the ground and let out a choked sob.

Luke. Luke knew that what he said was terrible and awful.

“You could pat Roman Patrick on the head, and he’d accuse you of sexual assault.”

“Ro? Mrs. Taylor told me that you’re in here… Are you okay?” Patton’s muffled voice asked from the other side of the door.

“I’m fantastic, Patton! I just needed a few minutes of quiet before I tried to traverse the parking lot to grab my costume from Hannah’s car.” Roman tried to insert as much of his normal flare into his speech, but he knew that it fell flat.

“Roman, let me in.”

The crying teen begrudgingly stood up and flung the door open. A worried Patton stood opposite him, and Roman was well aware that his puffy eyes and wet cheeks did nothing but make his friend more upset. He sighed, gesturing for Patton to come inside.

After the door was closed, Patton spoke up again; his voice was very quiet. “Was it Luke?”

“Yeah,” Roman admitted.

“What did he say?”

“‘You could pat Roman Patrick on the head, and he’d accuse you of sexual assault.’”

Patton paced the small room. “That douchebag! Are you fucking kidding me? He can try to ruin my life, sure, but making fun of your abuse in front of you when he knows how easily it triggers you is just too far!”

“Patton, it’s fine—“

“No, it isn’t!” Pat cried, throwing his arms out in fury. “It’s terrible! He knows what happened to you, and he is in no place to be talking about falsely accused sexual assault!”

“It’s in the past…”

---

June, 2014

Roman quietly slid through his cabin’s window into the quiet night. He normally wasn’t one for this level of rule-breaking, but he was in love! He’d do almost anything for Ethan, and that meant a lot.

Two of his fingers were kept over the head of his flashlight as he made his way to the pier, only allowing a small sliver of light to shine out so that he could avoid twigs. Roman was so excited to have found someone who liked him back that he didn’t care about the consequences. He was going to be a freshman, after all, so it would make sense to begin to have relationships, right? Ethan was kind, caring, and funny—everything Roman wanted in a guy.

“Roman! Oh, good. I thought you weren’t going to show up,” Ethan whispered, a smile creeping on his face.

“Of course I’m here! What do you think of me? I’d never leave you hanging, dearest.” Roman gave Ethan a deep kiss. When they pulled apart, Ethan held up a finger to signify for Roman to wait, bringing a tiny thermos from behind his back.

“Salted caramel hot chocolate. I know how much you said you like caramel.” He passed it over, untwisting the lid as he moved. Roman took a huge sip, the cold of outside already sleeping through his pajama pants and shirt.

Ro coughed at the intense salty flavor. “Jeez, E, that’s really fucking salty. Good thing I’m really cold, or this would completely go to waste.”

Ethan smiled brightly, though Roman couldn’t quite place the emotion he got from it. They chatted for about twenty minutes before Roman began to sway on his feet. He was so tired and dizzy. He blinked a few times, shaking his head to try to collect himself.

“I, uh… I think… I think I’m gonna…” Roman mumbled, trying to get the slurred words he was thinking out of his mouth. He couldn’t seem to control his movements, and not a second later, he felt the hard ground hit his side. The last thing that Roman saw was Ethan’s evil smile as he drifted off to sleep.

---

Roman woke up with a foggy mind. What had happened last night? He remembered going to meet Ethan and drinking hot chocolate and then… Nothing. He couldn’t remember a single thing that’d happened.

The teen blinked a few times, trying to make some sense of his surroundings. They were bright, that much was obvious, and he was still wearing his binder. Someone stepped up to him, gently placing a hand on his arm. He flinched back from the touch. He didn’t know why, but he didn’t want anyone touching him.

“Hey, sweetheart, I’m sorry. It’s Nurse Elizabeth. A few campers found you by the pier drugged to hell in just boxers and a t-shirt, and from the looks of the campsite, I think you were sexually assaulted last night,” said the young woman in front of him, frowning deeply.

Roman wanted to throw up. Ethan had used him. Someone he thought he could trust. Someone he loved. And Ethan probably knew his secret, too. Oh, god.

“Hey! It’ll be okay. Just get some rest. You can answer questions later.” Elizabeth made her way to the door of the infirmary, turning at the door. “Someone’s been waiting to see you since the news got out. Would you like me to let him in?” Roman nodded half-heartedly. He heard a person greet the nurse before heading over. Ro didn’t look up to see who it was, preferring to pick at his fingernails instead.

A rough hand clasped at his face and ripped his gaze up. A muffled scream escaped Roman’s mouth as he locked eyes with Ethan, who had intense fire in his eyes. “You’d better not tell a soul that it was me, or your little secret will be let out, tranny whore!” Roman fought against Ethan’s grasp, but he was still too weak from being drugged. “I hope I’ve made myself clear. If I hear a word about this little exchange, either, I have some pretty outing evidence to show the camp. You’re my bitch now, Patrick.”

Ethan tore his hand away from Roman’s face and stormed out of the infirmary, leaving a panicked Roman in the bed. Oh no. This was worse than he’d thought. He had two options: he could tell everything to Elizabeth and subsequently be outed as trans to everyone in the camp, or he could do whatever Ethan said and keep his gender identity a secret. Neither was good. Roman shoved his face into the thin pillow and cried himself back to sleep. Maybe he could wake up from this nightmare.

---

January, 2008

Roman toyed with his hands a few times before stepping courageously into his parents’ office. He could do this. He swung his ponytail over his shoulder and adjusted his cargo shorts and T-shirt.

His mom was the first to notice his appearance. “Oh, Rosie! What happened to your dress?”

“She’s just changed, honey. She probably didn’t want to wear it anymore,” his father said, typing away at his computer.

“I wanted to talk to you and Mom about something important, Daddy. I… I, uh… Never mind, it’s stupid.” Roman turned back and started out of the office, but his mom stopped him mid-step.

“Rosalina, you can tell us anything; you know that. What’s wrong, honey?” Mrs. Patrick clicked her laptop closed and prompted her husband to do the same. Slowly, Roman turned to them; the sound of his sneakers squeaking on the wood floor was the only noise for a few moments.

“I’m a boy!” Roman blurted out. “I don’t want you to call me a girl anymore. I want to be called Roman, not Rosalina or Rosie. And more importantly,” Roman pulled a pair of kitchen shears from one of his many pockets and raised them, hacking his entire ponytail off and letting it fall to the floor. “I don’t want to look like a girl anymore. I am a prince, not a princess.”

His parents sat with astonished looks on their faces. Oh, Roman had messed up. He had taken his dramatics too far for once. His parents were going to be angry at him, and he’d never be called what he was. He’d be Rosalina forever.

“Alright, Roman. Welcome to the family.” His mother smiled brightly at him. There was no malice in her eyes, nor in his father’s.

“You know, Ro, I’ve always wanted a son. And you’re strong; you’ll be so good in the boy’s gymnastics league.” Mr. Patrick stood and scooped his son into his arms, hugging him tightly.

Thus, Roman Patrick had been born.

---

Roman had been so excited to go in to school on Monday to tell everyone that he was a boy and that his name was Roman. He was practically bouncing out of his seatbelt on the ride there. He ran into the school, barely saying goodbye to his mom, and skidded into his second grade classroom.

“Good morning, Rosie! How are you doing?” Mrs. Zander, the second grade teacher, greeted warmly.

“Actually, my name is Roman now, and I’m a boy!” Roman sat in his normal seat, but taped a piece of paper with “Roman” drawn on it in red crayon over his “Rosie” nameplate. Mrs. Zander looked at him, confused, but nodded. She went to her phone and made a few calls, looking quite serious, before going to everything in the room with “Rosie” on it and replacing them with a “Roman” label.

Students began to file in, many commenting on Ro’s new short haircut, to which he’d always respond, “I’m Roman now ‘cause I’m a boy!”

They looked at him as if he’d grown another head, but moved on without further comment. With each child, Roman’s enthusiasm lessened until he finally just gave up. Mrs. Zander made an announcement about Roman, and the kids just laughed. They got scolded, sure, but that didn’t actually stop them.

“Look at Rosie just wanting to get closer to the boys!”

“Rosie you can’t just decide to be a boy! You’re always gonna be a girl!”

“I don’t want to be friends with you anymore, Rosie. You’re a liar!”

The harmful comments continued for weeks. Finally, Roman couldn’t handle any more, and he begged his parents to take him out of school. Within a few days, they’d transferred him into an elementary school an hour away and moved into a temporary apartment nearby.

Roman walked into his new school nervously, taking his time to get to his new locker. It was nearly five minutes before he finally entered his new classroom.

“You’re new here, aren’t you?” a student asked. He wore a black polo and thick-rimmed glasses. It was the textbook nerd look.

“Um, yeah. I’m Roman,” he replied. Then, as if to clarify, he said, “I’m a boy.”

“Alright. My name is Logan, and I am also a boy. It’s a pleasure to make your acquaintance.” And then Logan walked off.

(Roman totally had a crush on the nerdy second grader, but he wouldn’t realize it for a long, long time.)

The rest of the day went by smoothly. Correct name and pronoun usage by everyone and new friends left and right. It was amazing! He didn’t get the opportunity to talk to Logan any more that day, and little did he know that he’d become too intimidated by the cute boy to talk to him, but he was still grateful for his first “friend.”

---

Summer, 2014

Roman spent two more months bending to Ethan’s every whim to protect his skin. It didn’t feel much like protection, though. He was disgusted with himself, but he couldn’t go through the rejection and hatred that followed telling people that he’s transgender.

Slowly, he withdrew from most of his camp friends. It started with not allowing them to touch him, and then simply not talking to them. Each time Ethan’s fingers found their way across Roman’s bare skin, he felt like throwing up.

It’s better this way, he told himself.

It wasn’t.

No one found out. No one ever knew. No one felt the pain.

No one except Roman.

part 2

[byebyechloe]

So I’ve been contemplating writing this for awhile...

about.... let’s see, I need to do the math.

we broke up January 15th.

Then we talked until, what would you say? the third Monday of February?

Yes, February 18th. I remember that night well. It shook me to the core, that's when our break up... really began to be our break. up. 

but then let me throw this at you. this low low low LOW number.

18 days. (That’s how many days you had me blocked. I’m assuming... if not less. I accidentally came up on that realization one day. So who knows.)

I took the ballsy choice of adding you back on snap, being subtle. you added me back the same night, and thats when it all began again. 

well... kinda, took us until, when? probably like 2 Fridays later? I slid into your texts to tell you about a artist I liked and thought you’d vibe too. Ironically, you already fucked with him too. 

Then that next weekend I gave you the entire snapchat tour of the 2nd Ben Rector concert we didn't attend together, but this one we had planned too...

and then I think... the next Friday is when I took a huge risk on my mental health and dropped sam off at Julies and off I was! back to the place in the middle of the damn trees, just to spend a night with you again, that I thought would just be a random hook up, and then we’d just let it all go again. but no.

I left that bed with plans to be back the next weekend, and then plans to hangout when you moved home for the “short” time you had planned before “moving away back east”, that ended up being an entire summer, and you ended up being A LOT closer than you planned when you did finally move away again in October. But this moving away didn’t happen of course, until after another big “I'm sick of you!” argument from us both (after an ironically, perfect Saturday with you. I still think about that night. so cute and romantic in the weirdest, not romantic way.) and then we talked on and off for another time. this was a little longer than 18 days, but wasn’t longer than 3 weeks. And you were back around, and I was stronger alone, but so was my strong belief in the damn signs I've been getting the last fucking YEAR of us doing this ~thing~ of ours from the big guy up there (imagine me pointing, yanno me, i’m an awkward bitch who points, bet you can imagine my torn up nails too. you always remind me to stop biting them. thanks for that.)

Oh.. yeah, hey, happy 1 year of crossing paths (again, if you count the years we didn’t really /know/ each other, but were in the same friend circle... somehow. idk.) and taking away my right to say “i’ve never fallen inlove like for real for real!” (my words, not society’s.) 

But yeah, when I sit here and type, I realize I won’t get as much out as I will whenever you give me the chance to say it all out loud (if you could be /so/ kind), but let me get to my favorite part of the last 365 days.

I’ll start with the fact that... that night.... I almost cancelled on you 3 fucking times. This was before I caught on to God’s lessons that he embedded in our encounter and friendship. Now I see this was his small beginning and it was with the fact that we both come from two different lives and backgrounds, that being symbolized by the fact that I usually eat dinner at like... 5 pm. and you are a more 7 pm guy. By 6:30 I was not only hangry, but beginning to let my anxiety and trust issues from my past start to creep in. “He is really gonna pull this? after 3 weeks of us talking? AND its the day before my birthday? how rude.” I thought. I even told my friends twice I wanted to drop the date, and they both said to do what made me happy. But yanno what I did that I never do? especially in that season of life I was in? (this was “fuck guys, none of them deserve me anyway) phase, by the way. I’m still in it, but you’re an exception.)

I just said... “no. I’ll give him 10 more minutes”.... three times. But yanno what?

It was the best decision I ever fucking made in my ENTIRE life. (other than that one time we... yanno... had sex for (my) the first time (ours together). Sorry but I mean you saw this coming right?) 

You kept me talking and laughing from the moment I walked out of my front door that night... all the way until, well, that night we broke up in January. Yet, I think you still made me giggle a few times before we finally hung the 3 hour phone call up. 

OH! Our first date was November 15th, 2018. Crazy... we broke up literally... 2 months after our first date. That’s super weird. This isn’t the first time that dates have aligned like that in my life. It’s whatever, ANYWAY. 

Back to the story! So. Yeah. Best night of my life. seriously. Going out with you that night was the best decision I ever made. It was so fun and sweet and carefree and I was so happy. 

Bro-- you make me /SO/ fucking happy.

 Even after all the shit we’ve gone through, I’d still pick you over any guy on this damn planet, and that says a lot about me considering you’re very deep into your “bachelor szn” of life right now. Which I’m happy af for you for, that is a sick time of life, and you deserve to live it. I just appreciate you keeping me around for the nights you want someone to hold and kiss and watch movies with. (the dinner was an added bonus, and very sexy. so keep it up for me pls. I promise I will reciprocate my thanks.)

But anyway. The 1st date, it was the night I think God sealed the deal of the whole “you’re gonna fall inlove with this guy when y'all kiss” thing. I never really believed in that shit, partly bc I hated hallmark movies and hated the entire feeling of love after what I thought I knew from my last big relationship before you, but I was so wrong.

I still think about our first kiss a lot, and I hate to admit that because I am not that OOZY with love and emotions. But I do. And I never realized that was the night I fell in love with you, I realized that the last night you and I stayed at Julie and Camden’s... yanno before you met some new girl and started seeing her like 3-4 nights a week? yeah same. I wasn’t a complete mess though, I worked on school and fell in love with the art of teaching, so that was cool. But yeah. That night. You and I literally had so many nights like it this summer, but, yet, THAT night is when I was trying to fall asleep and the memory of our first date was like “yo what up bitch time to relive this day again.”

and I did. and it was amazing. and then when it got to that kissing part (Sam was so annoyed by us, I think. I don’t really remember. it was THAT good of a kiss my dude.) I really realized that is when I began to believe in the fact that a man could possibly love me, or care for me, or just like me again. I was so happy. 

I have learned so many lessons from this whole 365 days (and counting) experience. Let me explain.

- be patient. (THIS was the biggest and hardest one, and its ongoing. I want to say I’m doing better.) I've had to really stop myself from getting upset and remind myself, “God wouldn’t keep him around in my life like this if he didn’t have a reason too.” He’d give me all the signs to leave. I’m not too blind to look at both sides, I just see more promise in the good side than to be dramatic and listen to the bad side. I see dedication and hard work on the good side. 

- be trusting. (Now I know you get me when I say, trust issues take up your whole damn life. Maybe not as much anymore because we both are/have gone through the stage of life where you learn “people only take as much as you give. So give a little at a time.” which is what your doing now, and is what I learned to start doing... then I met you and ended up dumping all my trust into you. but not in the way you may think, it has taken this entire year for me too. so you’re welcome). I have really started seeing how much I trust you, and how much you deserve it. But I won’t lie and say there aren’t times you don’t deserve me, and I KNOW that. But I refrain from screaming it at you, because.... what is that going to help at this point? The time isn’t here yet, if it ever comes, but if it does, you’ll know I’ve waited to say it, followed up with the whole hearted reason I never let it be why I gave up, because I never will give up on you.*

* When you and I started dating (11...24...18.... yeah. you get why I put it in numbers, right?) You told me in text that night to not give up on you, because you’re still young and still learning. I said I understood and wouldn’t, because you made me (and still do) the happiest girl on this earth. no cap, boo. You also said it and say it almost every time you are drunk and next to me in bed. “Don’t give up on me baby. please.” and my most favorite time, which was Christmas, “Don’t give up on me baby and I swear, I’m going to make our life together so damn great.” and yanno? I still believe it. and Always will. (scouts honor, boo.)

- Be understanding. (This one is gonna get deep.) So, I know, most movies will show you a girl who is a friend of the girl in love, or the guy who is the best best friend of the guy who is also in love tell one of the two that they need to just man up and say how they feel to the other one, even if that other one doesn’t want to believe it. Or better yet, tell the person THEY don't see how inlove they are with a person. Now I won’t sit here and act like I haven’t wished I could come across you with the desire in my heart to just tell you “don’t you see how fucking perfect we are for eachother?” because thats not realistic. That would of pushed me away from any man (and actually has before) who said it to me. SO WHY would I ever try to make someone push you to believe it? Let alone myself? You will realize it yourself someday, or maybe a friend will notice it and mention it to you, but I won’t ever be the one to tell you I think you are dumb for not seeing our potential. I’m fine with waiting until you figure it out. As far behind as you are in the feelings and independence stage in life... emotionally... I am in the independence and living stage... physically. We just did things backwards. 

This is getting long (if it wasn’t a surprise) but...

I love you, boo. I always will, and apparently have since the first night you took me to chilis. So let’s just say this has been a wild year, but I can’t wait for the rest of the others. 

Have fun with whatever/whoever you’re doing, Hope to see ya soon and get my face wash back that I “forgot” two weeks ago.

love, 

your future wifey, hehe. ;)

jk.

love always, Chloe. (or when you like to make me mad, Coco.)