#have my weird and unmarketable guy

[jaypgartifacts]

yeah whatever who give a shit

[lcpmon]

I need to put effort into improving my art but it's always so overwhelming finding a place to start when you've got so much to work on

[biracy]

I think it's deeply unfortunate that conversations about "representation" have become dominated by the issue of gay representation and That's It. I'm someone who thinks mainstream gay representation matters, but I also understand why it's easy for so many people to go "well I don't NEED boring lame high school romcoms for LOSERS. The only 'representation' I need is like, idk, weird furry comics made by the fagdykes online! Become unmarketable!" when the only issue on the table for them is sexuality. But I think it's not useful to take that mindset and apply it to "representation" as a broader concept, because in my experience at least it becomes quite different when the issue is less "the only mainstream representation for me is something I find kind of boring" and more "I don't think I have ever seen a person who Looks like me be presented in mainstream media in a positive or desirable light" (which applies to all sorts of stuff including trans stuff, body stuff, disability stuff, race/ethnicity stuff, etc.) Obviously I love subcultures and I love niches and I love Finding Community With Other Freaks or whatever, obviously I love that! But I also, as someone who is of Many Overlapping Marginalized Identities, Kind of want to see people who look and act and live like me be presented as People. Visibly trans characters who have things going on besides just experiencing transphobia or gender dysphoria, openly Latino characters who have things going on besides just experiencing racism or xenophobia, neurodivergent or mentally ill or socially disabled or whatever characters who have things going on besides being Weird or Creepy for the sake of a joke, chubby or fat characters who have things going on besides being demonized or mocked or A Message About Body Positivity. Characters who are People, the way like. normie white guy characters get to be lmao, and not just tools to teach some kind of lesson. "You shouldn't look for that in mainstream media/pop culture" well why not? Why shouldn't a culture's popular media represent the people that make up that culture? Not everyone is an online 20something attuned to the best queer indie art of the decade, yknow, and people who exist outside of our subcultures deserve "representation" too. Ever since I was a little kid I had an affinity for openly Latino characters on TV or in books, and that hasn't gone away. Different kinds of people Exist and deserve to be seen in art that isn't relegated to being "alternative" or "niche." Because while I am alternative, it's not my body or my upbringing or my social problems that make me that way. No human being should be considered a "deviation from the norm." Don't let art and culture forever belong to those who have deemed themselves "the norm" through continued subjugation

[iloveabunchofgames]

2/12/23 - Week In Review

#JakeReviewsItch Week In Review Archives

This week's reviews:

🧡🧡🧡🧡🤍 a new life. 🧡🤍🤍🤍🤍 A NIGHTMARE'S TRIP 🧡🧡🧡🧡🤍 A Normal Lost Phone 🧡🧡🧡🤍🤍 A Planet of Mine 🧡🧡🧡🧡🤍 A Short Hike 🧡🧡🧡🤍🤍 A Sketchbook About Her Sun 🧡🧡🧡🧡🤍 A Snake's Tale Later in this post, we're going deep Nintendo news and capitalism:

The return of the Touch Generation

Freshly Announced Zelda's Pricey Rupeeland

The relative value of old games But first...

Game of the Week:

Without a doubt, this is the strongest week so far. There's a clear winner in this batch (as well as a clear loser), but the runners-up have been on my mind a lot over the last few days.

The above screenshot comes from the early moments of this week's best game, a new life. Although May, on the verge of admitting she has a crush on August, is referring to the vulnerability of emotional intimacy, I snapped this image because I wasn't sure yet where this story was going. Friends, the most embarrassing about this game might be that I myself out of giving it a 5/5 rating. My review's harshest criticism was that there weren't enough opportunities to connect to the characters and their tiny world. While I don't think changing scores is in the spirit of this project, having now had time to reflect, the story a new life. tells is bigger than its fictional narrative. A recommendation carries more weight when it's back up with details, but I'm asking you to take my word on this one. On that subject, this week's review of A Normal Lost Phone (currently the second-best reviewed game in the ranking) is largely about the frustration of recommending games that are best played cold. Look, I would love to talk freely about the content of these games, but if you've played them, you already know what I'm talking about, and if you haven't, please do. Finally, while I can't recommend A Sketchbook for Her Sun, I will be forever grateful to it for introducing me the Red Ribbon. I can't very well name an indie musician "Game of the Week," but it's been a Red Ribbon party in this house for several days already, and the party won't stop until somebody calls the cops.

Tears of the Wallet

The latest Nintendo infomercial was met with a mixed reception. Those who tune in for ultra-modern blockbusters from the biggest franchises were disappointed. (I guess I get that. As pumped as I am for a new Pikmin and a new Zelda, I'm already sold on both, so those trailers don't count, in some weird way.) As a fan of the kind of experimental, unmarketable B-games that have largely gone out of fashion in the last decade, this was a monumental advertisement. Samba de Amigo, Professor Layton, Fashion Dreamer (yes, this is a Style Savvy sequel), Ghost Trick, Fantasy Life, and the freaking GBC adaptation of Alone In the Dark: The New Nightmare??? I don't know why a multi-billion dollar put together a 45-minute commercial aimed specifically at me, but I'm not complaining.

I am complaining about the news that The Legend of Zelda: Tears of the Kingdom will have a higher-than-expected MSRP. I rarely pay full price for games, but I've been scrimping and saving in anticipation of this one. Money is tight, and that extra $10 stinks. In more financially stable times, I paid $60 for Zelda's Wild Breath, though, and I felt like I got my money's worth. Then I paid, what was it? Another $20 for the mildly disappointing DLC? Remember the "Everyone is here!" trailer line for Super Smash Bros. Ultimate—the game that was called Ultimate because there's nowhere to go after you get everyone. I purchased the full DLC subscription, the contents of which were still unannounced, because you guys, everyone. And then they announced a second DLC pack, and dozens of costume microtransactions, and I said no, I have put enough money into this game. I Tears of the Kingdom is a bigger, better Breath of the Wild, I don't think charging a little more is unreasonable, just like I don't think it's unreasonable that LABO, Ring Fit Adventure, and Mario Kart: Home Circuit cost more than $60. Value and profit margin should be factors in pricing. (That goes the other way, too—more on that in this post's final topic.) If I'm paying a higher base price, though, I don't want to be asked for more money later. Go the the eShop and sort by price. Look how many games get away with charging $100 just because they tack "+ DLC bundle" to the end of their titles. It's sick, and we should be worried by anything and everything that conditions us to feel like maybe everything should be more expensive. No one is forcing big corporations (not just games; this is everywhere) to charge more for less. Video games are already too expensive for me, and I do not want them to get more expensive. I do not need them to get more expensive. Let games be small and freaky!

One, Two Remakes Stand Before You

Metroid Prime (Left) and Metroid Prime Remastered (Right). Official screenshots from Nintendo, hosted on ModyGames.

Metroid Prime is a masterpiece. This is not a unanimous opinion, but it's not a controversial statement, either. I don't know how many times I've replayed it, and it still fills me with the same sense of awe I felt twenty years ago. I've not played Metroid Prime Remastered, but by all accounts, it is even better. Some information about the remaster was leaked months ago, so its official announcement and release this week didn't come as a big surprise, and yet I was taken off guard by just how much work went into making it look modern. Now I'm looking back at Metroid Prime, a game that's always been beautiful in my eyes, and it's so...old. The remaster is priced at $40, which seems fair, given the apparent development effort behind it. (Super gross that Nintendo doesn't share my appreciation for hard work.) Fair, but more than I'm willing to spend on what is essentially a game I've already bought twice. (Hey, Metroid Prime Trilogy was only $20 on Wii U, and I didn't own Metroid Prime 2.) You know what I did buy this week?

WBSC eBASEBALL™: POWER PROS isn't a remake, per se. I can't point to one entry in the long-running Power Pros series and say, "See? They brought it back!" but that's only because they're all basically remakes. Although the series hasn't been a global concern for several console generation, Konami put out one or two of these every year in Japan from 1994-2016—not counting spin-offs, which came out at a comparable rate—before switching to an every-other-year schedule. They're all remakes. Clearly, releasing the same game over and over again with minor tweaks is a viable business strategy. Like, Konami has the game, and suckers are willing to buy it again each time they slap a new number on the title. It's the dream of every greedy publisher! And that's why I have to rave about the new Power Pros.

I don't care about baseball in the slightest. I've played an obscene amount of Bases Loaded on NES, and I'm always up for some Wii Sports baseball, but I can't think of one other baseball video game that's left any impression. WBSC eBASEBALL™: POWER PROS is no exception. It's more complicated and demanding than the cartoon characters imply, and attempting to manage a team's lineup makes my head spin. I'm not going to give up until I manage to get at least one run. Hopefully I'll get a feel for it and start having fun. For now, I stink, and I don't like it. Here's the thing, though: This game, the first Power Pros game released outside of Japan in years, the latest in a long-running line of shameless cash grabs costs...

$0.99

This isn't a sale. It's not an introductory price. And here's the part that sold me: It's the complete game. No DLC. When you've already produced a game, already sold it at a premium price, and already watched watched sales numbers plummet to zero/week, what do you, a game publisher, have left? What is the value of that intellectual property? What good are the code and the art assets when no one's buying? (Besides exploiting your fans with low-value junk?) You can sit on it, hording properties in the hopes that one day they can be rebooted, remastered, or resold in their original condition. You can sell the rights to other publishers. Forgo profits now to (possibly) profit later, or profit now and forgo the ability to (possibly) later. I never would have expected Konami to instead sell a game at an irresistibly low price, but it's absolutely the best move. So what if they only make a couple cents per sale? Low cost + high volume = cha-ching! And public goodwill. And a chance to reach people like me, who would never buy a new baseball game. How many new fans will pay full price for the next generation of Power Pro. Zelda sticker shock is getting headlines right now, and it should, but we should refocus the story, not on games getting more expensive, but on games being priced appropriately.

Let's also remember, this week, that some games are not appropriate for purchase at any price.

Friends don't let friends enable bigots.

#JakeReviewsTwitch is a series of daily game reviews. You can learn more here. You can also browse past reviews…

• By name • By rating • By genre

[lostjulys]

okay finished ep1 of stampede. collected thoughts........

i think it does great at what it was setting out to do. personally i don't have a beef with the cg animation, i think it looks great, that's not a big deal to me. i think it's intended to be a sci-fi western shonen anime that's designed to be easily consumed & enjoyed, and it succeeds at that imo!! and that isn't necessarily a bad thing; the studio's said that they weren't trying to tell the same story as the manga, and i think they'll do a very enjoyable and competent job at the story they ARE telling.

that being said!!!!!!! personally ummm i do not like it lol. i think um. i think having half the big reveals happen in the first episode & even in the first five minutes of the first episode cheapens it immeasurably. key to the manga, imo, was the blend of dumb loony tunes deep space planet future gun action + slowly increasing moments of sincerity & storytelling that drew a whole lot with some very small, subdued lines, and drew in more mystery with every reveal. i think the idea of going into trigun and immediately getting told, very carefully and literally with small words so we understand clearly, that this is a Sad Tragedy about a Guy who's a Plant and Has a Fucked Up Brother, and he's Tragic, and This Is Rem And She Died, is... low effort storytelling. or, at least, storytelling that's blatantly aimed at pulling in lots of viewers with a big emotional hook in the first episode. i hate the "project seeds" patch on his jacket it genuinely feels that they took all of the "show don't tell" from the original manga & went "hey what would happen if we just, told everything as explicitly as possible instead of showing it :)"

also, i'm really not a fan of the... smoothening, of the redesigns? i don't like that vash looks like a teenager instead of a young adult who's still visibly an adult-he isn't a teen, and it's a weird narrative decision to frame him as one, imo. i don't like millie being softened into the anime it girl instead of, again, a whole ass adult with a job. i have a visceral hatred of the whitewashed, black haired cuteboyification of wolfwood? i want to knee whoever made him white in this adaption in the nuts. the implications of him having a lollipop instead of his cigarette are.. probably indicative of where the tone of the show is headed. and millie's gone, because clearly even comedically gnc women are unmarketable when they're more than just a one-off joke. (sorry. i'm genuinely trying to give it the benefit of the doubt but.. lol.)

millie is gone, btw, and she's replaced with an experienced, cynical older man who's CLEARLY more intelligent and competent than meryl. (he's her bodyguard. which is a fascinating decision, given that... she's the hyperindependent sharpshooter with a coat full of derringers?). this is. possibly my least favorite decision out of many questionable decisions, including that of replacing vash's iconic silver freak ass gun with some apparently random different handgun? as well as the decision to namedrop knives in the very first episode and the general specific emphasis on the "space" part of space western (genuinely such a loss, imo...).

all in all, there's a loss of... intentionality of design that was present in the manga. it feels like the showrunners took the premise and form of trigun and spun that into something new. which is fine! which is fun and enjoyable! but it's a pale, somewhat lackluster imitation of what it's spinning off, there's no way it's ever going to hit as hard or be as meaningful as the original manga.

[everyone-is-incorrect]

Alucard: They will certainly not be thanking me if I use your fucking product on them. My balls are not about to lose their fur coat due to your marketing. Try this shit on that playstation allstars roster. Your “marketing guy” is not going to have balls if I keep seeing your fucking posts when I’m trying to sleep at night.

Alucard: You are filth. Scum. Below filth. I would exalt the mud and the dirt that I walk upon before even giving you or your ball shears the time of day.

Alucard: I want the weird ads back. How long must I endure real marketing from Konami? Long have I slaved to be an unmarketable asset to this roster, and this is my reward?

Alucard: May your womb be barren.

[thesportssoundoff]

Lists ‘N Stuff: 90s Heavyweights

I've been watching a lot of boxing. A lot. Too much even. Originally it started out of my desire to catch up on fights I had missed after I dipped out on boxing in the late 90s before getting back into the sport around 2007 or so. It eventually delved into a deep dive on what basically amounts to the last 20-30 years in combat sports. Given my love of things like lists, I figured I'd do one. After watching way too many fights in the HW division, I wanted to rank my top 10 HWs of the 90s. Considered by many to be the glory days of heavyweight boxing, the 90s were host to many insane heavyweight fights and some of our more legendary characters. Who was the best? Well...

Honorable Mentions:

Donovan "Razor" Ruddock- Given that he started his career in 1982, it's at least somewhat honorable that Ruddock was still having competitive heavyweight fights with elite guys well into 1995 or so. Ruddock was the sort of guy who mastered the art of AAAA. He wasn't good enough to be MLB but he would casually crush the AAA competition.

Chris Byrd- Seriously! Chris Byrd wasn't always the flashiest or the coolest of the heavyweights but credit where it's due, Byrd was pretty solid in the 90s. He beat some decent dudes like Ross Purity, Lionel Butler and Bert Cooper. Watching Byrd, you could pretty much always tell he was destined to be one of those guys that boxing fans were never going to accept no matter what. Got smelted by ike Ibeabuchi.

Buster Douglas- The most famous one hit wonder in all of boxing. Douglas KOing Mike Tyson will always make him historic but in truth, his 90s weren't too hot. He beat Tyson, got smelted by Holyfield, fought a bunch of cans, took time off and then came back to get smelted by Lou Saverese. Not a good run.

Axel Schulz- Just one of those ultra tough under the radar European heavyweights. Fought Foreman, Moorer and Wlad Klitschko in the 90s and gave both Foreman and Moorer a scare. Was always more of a spoiler-y opponent than anything else.

Herbie Hide- I mean Herbie Hide was a two time WBO heavyweight champ although both times he took any semblance of a step up in competition, he was violently smacked back down to Earth. Wins over Tony Tucker and Michael Bentt don't overcome dominant losses to Vitali Klitschko and Riddick Bowe.

1- Lennox Lewis Record in the 90s (Jan 1st 1990 to December 31st 1999)- 29-1-1 Record in title fights- 8-1-1 Record against other fighters on the list- 3-1-1

Most people have Holyfield above Lennox Lewis in a "Best HWs of the 90s!" poll but I've got Lewis ahead of Holyfield. Let's start with Lewis on his own before we compare the two. Lennox Lewis' 90's resume features your usual HW fare of dudes  you'd know like Frank Bruno (he's all over this list), Andrew Golota, Tony Tucker, Ray Mercer, Razor Ruddock, Shannon Briggs and Henry Akinwande. On this Top 10 list? Lewis has wins over Tommy Morrison, Evander Holyfield and Oliver McCall. He does have a loss vs Oliver McCall but he was able to eventually get that one back down the line. It's also worth pointing out that outside of Ray Mercer and Holyfield, Lennox Lewis finished all of those guys. His resume looks even spiffier if you consider that he was robbed in the first Holyfield fight (I had it 8 rounds to 4 easily) and so he could be 4-1 vs 3-1-1 against guys on the list. Hell if you want to take it a step further, you could argue he forced Riddick Bowe to take an L before he even got in the ring. Of course who knows if Lewis' resume looks differently if he doesn't get the nod against Ray Mercer in a tough fight. So what necessarily puts Lewis above Holyfield? Simple! He beat Holyfield! Could've beaten him twice if judges did their jobs. The best HW of the 90s was a British dude (By way of Canada and Jamaica).

2- Evander Holyfield Record in the 90s (Jan 1st 1990 to December 31st 1999)- 12-4-1 Record in title fights- 8-3-1 Record against other fighters on the list- 5-4-1

I feel like the most impressive part of Evander Holyfield's resume in the 90s is that at one point during this era, Holyfield fought six straight title fights and was scheduled for twelve round fights seven fights in a row. At one point Holyfield fought four of the guys on this list in a span of five years including two rematches (against Tyson and Lewis). Evander's resume is the stuff of boxing legend and in the 90s, long before he became a parody of himself, Holyfield was insanely good. Wins over Mike Tyson, Riddick Bowe, Michael Moorer and George Foreman is more than good enough to earn a guy a top 3 spot. Even his losses are for the most part insanely good as we're talking about Riddick Bowe, Michael Moorer (in a fight where I do buy the theory that Holyfield was hurt) and Lennox Lewis. Throw in genuinely good tough dudes like Bert Cooper, Ray Mercer and James Stewart and it's hard to find a flaw in the resume of Holyfield. I guess it's maybe a little bit filler heavy with dudes like Bobby Czyz (go to youtube and watch the weirdness that is this fight) or Vaughan Bean? Whatever. Holyfield fights may not have all been action packed but he's got wins galore, big fights galore and a genuine spot at the top of this list.

3- Mike Tyson Record in the 90s (Jan 1st 1990 to December 31st 1999)- 9-3 Record in title fights- 2-3 Record against other fighters on the list- 0-3

In wrestling, one of the inside jokes is that the theme maketh the man. Have a good entrance? Good entrance song? You're golden! Tyson is proof in boxing that the aura maketh man. Tyson's 90s were....kind of bad in theory. He kicked off the 90s getting smelted by Buster Douglas in the biggest boxing upset ever and then ended the 90s almost getting DQ'd for knocking out Orlin Norris a few seconds after the first round ended. In between that? Tyson lost four years of his career to a rape conviction and beat up on good but not great fighters. Jimmy Stewart, Bruce Seldon and Razor Ruddock were good tough guys but not anybody you'd write home about. I believe in his documentary, Tyson admitted he barely trained after his prison sentence and just skirted by guys due to basically just being Mike Tyson. You could see him vs Frank Bruno and just tell the spark was gone even if he was still so good. In a way that's a testament to what Tyson was but also what he could've been. Outside of the Douglas upset, The Evander Holyfield fights didn't end Tyson's relevancy but it pretty much closed the door on Tyson's reign as a top heavyweight. Even so, it's Mike Tyson. Of course he's in the top 3.

4- George Foreman Record in the 90s (Jan 1st 1990 to December 31st 1999)- 12-3 Record in title fights- 4-3 Record against other fighters on the list- 1-2

It'd take a whole bushel of effort to discuss George Foreman's history in a paragraph. Just knew he was awesome in the 70s, took some time off and came back fatter and awesome-er than ever. Foreman is like Stone Cold Steve Austin who was told in WCW that he was unmarketable and then when allowed to truly be himself in greener pastures he flourished as a talker and an attraction. Foreman began his comeback at 325 lbs as a way to make some money and in time he eventually put himself into position to fight for the HW title on three different occasions. He came up short vs Morrison and Holyfield before pulling off a historic rabbit out the hat KO over Michael Moorer to become the oldest heavyweight champion ever. In summation? Foreman's 90s are...strange. It's easy to make a case that Foreman could've lost fights against James Stewart (I had it for George) and Axel Schulz (I had it for Schulz)---but it's also easy to argue that Foreman should've gotten the nod over Shannon Briggs as well (arguably the worst robbery of the zillion fights I watched during this quarantine) and he was basically re-retired by boxing politics. Foreman wasn't the guy he was in his athletic prime but he was extra durable, always powerful and smarter than in year's past. He didn't have a lot of flashy wins in the 90s but we're talking about a guy who won the HW title in his 40s and beat enough top competition to be well suited for a top 5 spot.

5- Riddick Bowe Record in the 90s (Jan 1st 1990 to December 31st 1999)- 26-1 Record in title fights- 6-1 Record against other fighters on the list- 2-1

Riddick Bowe has been the most fascinating watch of this entire series. When I worked a night shift at a hotel in New York, one of the ways I'd pass the time was to watch old boxing fights on a portable DVD player I had. One of the fights I'd cycle through repeatedly was Bowe-Holyfield II and for a large period of time, my extent of my Bowe knowledge was that fight and the two Legendary Nights documentaries on Bowe-Golota and Bowe-Holyfield. Getting to finally sit down and sink my teeth in the resume of Riddick Bowe is something else. If you remove Bowe's fights vs Golota and Holyfield, you're left with a relatively paltry resume of nothingness but with tantalizing skills that make you wonder how good Bowe could've been. Watch Bowe run through the likes of Herbie Hide, Bert Cooper, Jorge Luis Gonazles and Pierre Coetzer and then wonder how Bowe would've done had he taken fights against Lennox Lewis (Bowe threw a belt in the garbage to avoid a Lewis fight) or Ray Mercer (Bowe vs Mercer was in the works about six different times with both guys turning down the fight at various spots) or Mike Tyson (it's believed Bowe vs Tyson was on the table once in 1991 and then once again in 1995) or George Foreman (Bowe vs Foreman was considered a possibility had Foreman beat Morrison) or Bowe vs Michael Moorer (after Moorer beat Holyfield). Bowe's resume is spiffy but the ducking, the weirdness and the weight gain that held him back all left for a faded image in hindsight. Shit I think Bowe's the only fighter on this list who was thrice involved in melees and brawls! Anyways the trilogy with Holyfield and Bowe vs Golota 1 and 2 are some of the best HW fights you'll see and well worthy of your time. On Earth 2, Andrew Golota twice beat Riddick Bowe and on Earth 3, Bowe's the HW GOAT after beating Lennox Lewis, George Foreman and Michael Moorer on top of the Holyfield fights. We live on Earth 1 unfortunately where Bowe's just #5 on the top HWs of the 90s.

6- Michael Moorer Record in the 90s (Jan 1st 1990 to December 31st 1999)- 21-2 Record in title fights- 5-2 Record against other fighters on the list- 1-2

I'll go to my grave believing that Michael Moorer is a victim of boxing's "When the legend becomes fact, print the legend" methodology. Michael Moorer was a dominant light heavyweight who skipped a weight class and jumped all the way up to heavyweight where he beat the likes of Bert Cooper, Axel Schulz, James Stewart (who had only lost at the time to Evander Holyfield and Mike Tyson) and Evander Holyfield. Moorer's heart and toughness are on full display in the Bert Cooper fight which is one of the best fights in any weight class during the 90s. Moore's legacy is defined by the George Foreman fight and an HBO documentary where we got to see Teddy Atlas yelling at him all the time. Moorer deserves better.

7- Oliver McCall Record in the 90s (Jan 1st 1990 to December 31st 1999)- 22-4 Record in title fights- 2-2 Record against other fighters on the list- 1-1

At first I wanted to leave Oliver McCall off this list entirely but his resume is low key impressive. Watching McCall fights on youtube, he just seems like the ultimate nuisance of a spoiler. He'd look disinterested in a fight then uncork a right hand and it'd be all over. He was the ultimate tough fight spoiler guy and if you need some evidence of that then consider that McCall took the undefeated records of Oleg Maskaev, Lennox Lewis and Bruce Seldon. He was twice a champion of one of the big four sanctioning bodies and his Lennox Lewis upside is pretty damn historic (and so is the rematch for all the more reasons). Throw in a win over a faded Larry Holmes and McCall absolutely has a worthy spot on the top 10. Imagine how much more spiffy this record would be if McCall hadn't basically taken off 3/4ths of the fight vs Frank Bruno.

8- Tommy Morrison Record in the 90s (Jan 1st 1990 to December 31st 1999)- 25-3-1 Record in title fights- 2-2 Record against other fighters on the list- 1-1

Watching Tommy Morrison's career in hindsight is something I'd recommend all heavyweight boxing fans do. I have no comparison for him in modern times. TheAntiCool has used the term "glass cannon" before and Morrison is probably the best example of that I've ever seen. He's super fast, super explosive, he hits really hard and was one of boxings better finishers. The downside is that he had no semblance of head movement and was not exactly blessed with David Tua's tank-esque chops and steely chin. He was dropped by guys like Razor Ruddock, Carl "The Truth" Williams and Ross Purrity not to mention obliterated by Michael Bentt and Ray Mercer. His competition is the perfect 90s mix of tomato cans and all time greats and to the credit of Morrison, he fought two of the guys in the top 5 of the 90s. He also  had some of the wildest heavyweights fights of the 90s; from his mammoth brawl with Razor Ruddock to his wars with Mercer, Purrity, Williams and Joe Hipp. Morrison sums up the 90s pretty well; he never was as good as his fanboys claim but never as bad as his detractors proclaim. Also Morrison is basically Andrei Arlovski since at one point in three different fights, opposing trainers kept telling their fighters that he cannot get out of the way of any right hand.

9- David Tua Record in the 90s (Jan 1st 1990 to December 31st 1999)- 35-1 Record in title fights- 0-1 Record against other fighters on the list- 0-1

David Tua as a kid was a mythical figure. A Samoan Mike Tyson with insane power who was blasting people out in a round and leaving nothing remaining in his wake. In truth, I think the better comparison for David Tua is actually Tommy Morrison. Both guys were blessed with absurd gifts from God, both were known for their tremendous hooks and both were surprisingly limited which capped their upside in a tremendous division. Tua had his fair share of fights where he was losing until he won so to speak (Hasim Rahman) or was in close before he pulled it out at the end (Jeff Wooden and David Izon). Tua was fun and deserves his spot in the top 10 but the legend was never quite the fact.

10- Ike Ibeabuchi Record in the 90s (Jan 1st 1990 to December 31st 1999)- 20-0 Record in title fights- 1-0 Record against other fighters on the list- 1-0

Watching some of Ike's fights on youtube are spooky difficult to sit through. Ike Ibeabuchi the FIGHTER was a human tank, an immovable mountain of violence. He was a dude who would just push through dudes crudely and violently with little care for what came back his way. Ibeabuchi was just a mack truck of violence with wins over then undefeated guys such as David Tua and Chris Byrd. Ibeabuchi the fighter was a tremendous display but the reason he never made it farther than #10 is that Ibeabuchi outside of the ring was....well...a problem. Ibeabuchi was desperately in need of help as a victim of undiagnosed bipolar disorder and committed some truly heinous atrocities in his life. From odd behavior such as threatening HBO executives with a knife or having people refer to him as "The President" at all times to scary behavior such as a suicide attempt that left a young man wheelchair bound. Ike Ibeabuchi would never fight again after starching future HW champ Chris Byrd in fight rounds in 1999 and would spend 20 years in jail for attempted sexual assault among a litany of other issues. I often say "People are complicated" and Ibeabuchi is one of the bigger examples of that. Ike Ibeabuchi is a case of "What If?" in more ways than one.

[stillness-in-green]

Seven Stars Tea Blends

Ever since I saw that the Gundam Café in Akihabara was selling official, licensed teas with the Bauduin and Fareed family crests on them, I knew I was going to write this post someday.  

The calls below (other than the two canonical ones) are based on a sort of ambiguous blend of what I think a café might pick (On the Menu), what the characters would think of their family tea in a world with more surviving tea culture than I suspect the IBO world actually has (Tea Culture), and stray facts that influenced my picks or that make fun parallels (Supplementary Notes).  I’m tempted to go back in and make bonus picks for Ein, Isurugi, and Julietta, but for now, I’ll try to keep on-theme.

Bauduin Family Blend: Earl Grey. 

           On the Menu: Bergamont's rich floral scent belies the strength of the black tea brew with its piquant citrus twist; in the same way, the Bauduin family's comfortable affluence masks their intense dedication and trained skill.              Tea Culture: Gaelio is surprisingly fond of tea for a soldier, likely due in no small part to his sister's tireless efforts.  His palate is not terribly refined, but he can certainly taste when a brew has turned bitter and isn't afraid to say so.  Takes his tea with a lot of milk.  Gallus leaves the milk but takes a dash of sugar, and likes his teas brewed strong.  Almiria has weaned herself off of both milk and sugar when drinking with company, wanting to seem grown-up; though she secretly does prefer a splash of milk added, she nevertheless has the most refined palate of her family.            Supplementary Notes: Earl Grey has a storied history that, despite all its associations with high-class luxury, has some outrageously fake elements to it.  I enjoy the way this echoes how very prepared Gaelio and Almiria both are to flush their family fortunes straight down the drain the moment Earth taboos or paternal authority conflict with their personal desires.  Those kids look like nobles, but deep down, they are far more attuned to their own emotions and goals than they are advancing the family's standing in the peerage.

Fareed Family Blend: Darjeeling.  

           On the Menu: While the labeling of Darjeeling is strictly regulated and monitored, the tea itself is a mild, soft black with faint floral notes.  This juxtaposition echoes both the Fareed family's meticulous intelligence and their talent for the delicate art of social maneuvering.              Tea Culture: McGillis has done enough reading, and is attentive enough to social cues, that he can fake it, particularly for Almiria, but his palate is actually quite poor.  He can take or leave tea as a drink--he actually prefers coffee--but weird tea classism is exactly the kind of frivolous luxury he loathes on principle.  Iznario, on the other hand, is quite discerning.              Supplementary Notes: A fun fact about Darjeeling: While the bulk of black tea in India is cultivated from the local variety of the Camellia sinensis plant, assamica, Darjeeling derives from the Chinese type, sinensis.  Literally--early Darjeeling tea was grown from seeds smuggled in from forbidden provinces in China, because the East India Trading Company was getting desperate.  I am delighted by the way this parallels Iznario's propensity to more or less steal children to advance his own ends--of course we all know how he came by McGillis, but Carta and Almiria's ties to the Fareed family echo the methodology as well.    

Issue Family Blend: Matcha.

           On the Menu: The Issue family puts a great deal of stock in tradition and ceremony.  Our matcha--rich, astringent, and demanding--is a perfect match.            Tea Culture: Carta, with her strict personality, would be startlingly skilled with the whole matcha process, though it would have taxed her patience mightily as a young child.  She would be smug bordering on intolerable that she drinks it straight, unlike that thin, oversweetened nonsense Gaelio favors.            Supplementary Notes: Probably the least likely in-universe call, as Teiwaz and its associated members are the ones hanging onto most of the Japanese culture in the setting, rather than Gjallarhorn, with its European trappings.  However, I can't resist drawing the parallel between Carta's fondness for (even reliance on) established battle strategies, her kitsune tails and kabuki makeup, and matcha, that most rigorously, performatively Japanese of teas.  If I didn't go with matcha, I probably would have gone with a good quality white, but the delicacy and subtlety of white teas didn't really seem like Carta's bag, and we don't have any other family members to compare to.

Kujan Family Blend: Masala Chai.

           On the Menu: An Assam-based blend, this bold black tea is warmed by cloves, ginger and nutmeg.  It reflects the Kujan family's reputation for producing leaders whose strength and easy charisma win the unflagging loyalty of their followers.  Sweeten liberally with milk and cinnamon for the young or young at heart!            Tea Culture: Iok's father, a man of such legendary prowess and charm that he had a generation of soldiers prepared to die for his children, probably drank this mostly straight, adding milk to sweeten it a bit when he was sharing it with his men.  Iok, who has the taste palate of a spoiled nine-year-old, likes it so sweet that the family cook has secretly taken to leaving the Assam out entirely.            Supplementary Notes: Iok is actually the person in the cast most likely to know his way around a Japanese tea ceremony, if his talent for kanji calligraphy is anything to go by, but chai's particularities--a widely social drink, and one whose production varies so hugely recipe to recipe that some of them don't even bother with tea leaves at all--make it an easy call for someone like Iok, whose charisma and passion make it easy to miss that someone left all the authenticity in his father's cup.  Iok is also the most "exotic"-looking of the Gjallarhorn cast, and chai is exotic enough that it's spread overseas under a name that in its own language just means "tea," making it a likely call from our hypothetical Gundam café looking to find something that's foreign-sounding but not so obscure that it's unmarketable.

Elion Family Blend: Russian Caravan. 

           On the Menu: This green/black tea blend--oolong, keemun, and lapsang souchong--is famed for its characteristically smoky flavor.  Bold and complex by turns, but with a mellow finish, this nuanced brew matches perfectly to the Elion family's dauntless yet urbane heir.              Tea Culture: Rustal, like McGillis, has little investment in Tea Culture, though in his case it's more because he already knows what he likes and has little interest in exploring other flavors as a weird rich person hobby.  Exasperatingly set in his ways, he makes no secret of the fact that he thinks his family brew is a superior tea, and is happy to lean into the star-faring romance of its characteristic flavor blend (see below).            Supplementary Notes: The smoke flavor today comes from the lapsang souchong, which is dried over pine smoke, but folklorically, it was thought to have been imparted to the tea by the smoke of campfires on the long trek through Mongolia between China and Russia.  As the admiral of the Arianrhod fleet, Rustal is the member of the Gjallarhorn cast who does the most traveling in the black depths of space, and so the imagery of strong-flavored brews to push back against the cold felt like a natural match.  Additionally, while Rustal isn't canonically of any particular nationality, he does share his ash blond hair shade with many an anime Russian, which also influenced this match.

Baklazan Family Blend: Silver Needle.

           On the Menu: This most rarified of white teas features a profoundly delicate flavor with just a whisper of natural sweetness.  The skill, care and discernment involved in its production speak to the Baklazan family head's light touch and keen insight, honed over his many long years on the Council of the Seven Stars.            Tea Culture: Lord Baklazan sticks almost completely to white and green teas; even oolong is a bit over-strong for his palate.  He's blind, and so finds quite enough to savor in the milder, more nuanced cups of the traditional Eastern teas.  He's a bit busy to mind his family's tea brand on his own, but there's an underling on the family payroll whose only and entire job description is "tea master," who Nemo is relieved to say he's unlikely to outlive.              Supplementary Notes: We know precious little about Nemo Baklazan, other than his very particular design--even his being blind is blatant supposition on my part--but someone in that council room after McGillis's coup looked around at a room full of dudes in full riot gear and decided, "Despite the implications of those worryingly large guns, McGillis actually can't force us to side with him."  Between Nemo, Gallus, and Lord Falk, I'm willing to bet it was Nemo, suggesting a prudent, cautious, but ultimately insightful man.  I also wanted to have a proper white on this list somewhere, and he definitely looks the type to have the most refined tastes in Chinese teas.  Silver Needle is, not coincidentally, also the most expensive white tea, which feels appropriate for one of the oldest and most influential men in the solar system.

Falk Family Blend: English Breakfast.

           On the Menu: A blend of Ceylon and Assam teas with an added earthy Kenyan, brewed to stand up to all the milk or sugar you could add as an indispensable part of the classic full breakfast.  Our stoutest black, this tea reflects the Falk family's pragmatism and resolve in the face of the changing times.            Tea Culture: Probably the member of the Seven Stars with the greatest active interest in where his household is procuring its tea, Lord Falk always has time to offer his opinion on a cup--Almiria found him to be quite the educational resource, on the few occasions they ever spoke.  He has a generous, adventurous palate, though he feels most at home with traditional blacks.            Supplementary Notes: Oh my god, you guys, we know basically nothing about Elek Falk--he doesn't even have Lord Baklazan's distinct design!  He has a big medallion of the sort that you sometimes see on Anime Popes, but there's no indication that organized religion figures into Gjallarhorn's affairs, and even if it does, the dude who responds, "That's just a fairy tale!" to claims of Agnika's soul animating Bael does not strike me as a likely spiritual leader.  He seems interested in getting to the bottom of mysteries--he's one of the voices pressing for continued investigation into Galan Mossa after the Silent War--but those are literally all of the characterization cues we get for him.  I don't want to sit here saying, "I picked English Breakfast because he looks like a guy who never skips a good full breakfast, if you get my drift, hohoho," but, like, if the shoe fits...  

[pussypoppinpineapple]

They will certainly not be thanking me if I use your fucking product on them. My balls are not about to lose their fur coat due to your marketing. Try this shit on tiktok. Your marketing guy is not going to have balls if I keep seeing your fucking posts when I'm trying to sleep at night.

You are filth. Scum. Below filth. I would exalt the mud and the dirt that I walk upon before even giving you or your ball shears the time of day.

I want the weird ads back. How long must I endure real marketing on tumblr? Long have I slaved to be an unmarketable asset to this website, and this is my reward?

May your womb be barren.

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[eternalstaycation]

Psychotherapeutic catfluencer

Call me what you will: Vagabond, cheapskate, church/cat lady. Or others, should’t the last option on a multiple choice quiz be *)Here’s my take?

At any rate, since graduating from a university that managed to charge me tuition for classes like “The Anthropology of Memory” and library purchases such as Madonna’s Sex book for a very ill conceived independent study on women, gender and music, I’d say I’m pretty enthusiastic about felines. And sure, toxoplasma gondii, which is transmitted by mice who are eaten by cats, so that the cats poop out new bacteria that renders people, particularly women (so it is said), to really get into their the feline frenzies. (It is hypothesized that this affinity for cats may help the infected mice get scarfed up, therefore perpetuating the taxoplasma. And I would never argue with that inquiry into the influences of my life choices, any excuse to justify my love of the Real Housewives of Beverly Hills and food stamp eligible food stamp samosas works in my favor, probably.

And perhaps there’s a mental health explanation for my weirdness, but regardless I’ve managed to somehow, inadvertently, sway three mental health professionals into adopting cats in as many years. 

Once upon a time in August 2019, I had just euthanized my cat, and, understandably, sought another. My social worker at the time, about five back for 2.5 years ago, went with me to look at cats. And while none of them seemed to be the furkid for me, this social worker began taking pictures of a particular charmer and texting her husband. An adoption then happened, and I managed to not joke that I was perhaps owed a finder’s fee. And I wouldn’t have accepted one, but all of my skills are unmarketable and the cats would probably just pay me in cat kibble anyhow.

Then there’s my psychiatrist. In general when you’re on Social Security Disability it’s a good plan to make friends with the people whom Social Security demands treatment notes because every person ever making under $1,200 a month is living high on the hog between the constant flashbacks. She got a cat because I apparently also helped her see the kitty light. She said something along the lines of “they bring you so much joy,” and I couldn’t agree more. Even wrote a household integration plan for the little guy when he was trying to get used to a dog and her progeny.

A former social worker from November 2018 (3.25 years, or 5 social workers) adopted not one, but two cats because she said, like my psychiatrist, that mine brought her so much joy. Even named them the same names.

I may never have much influence in the world, but I’m glad that some of the people who do so much to help others now have feline friends to support them on their personal and professional journeys.