#have more angst

[explodcor]

//continued from here.

Katsuki's breathing seemed considerably labored for not doing much movement. As soon as Shouto pulled him close, he clutched onto the front of his shirt for balance.

He barely heard Shouto over the sound of the ringing between his ears. It wasn't until the room was silent that he feel his heartrate going back down to normal.

He winced heavily as a new wave of pain rolled to the back of his head. "....ears're ringing...head hurts..." he managed while biting down a pained whimper. "...w-wanna go to my room..."

@heterochromatica

[blazingphantom]

Wendell & Wild Oneshot

Summary: Overcoming self-guilt isn't easy. But Helley's there to help a certain Overlord.

"It's surprising how long I haven't seen my house in ages." Sister Helley muses too himself slotting her keys into the keyhole, one hand resting on the front door. Ever since she took her job up as a nun, she practically lived in RBC School. She wasn't exactly complaining, but she did miss her house time to time- it was only a normal human thing. And the fact Rustbank was bursting with life once more? Made her a bit emotional. But at the same time, it was purely amazing. Too long where the streets and town abandoned. Every night slowly and gradually- every born resident just leaving one by one. It greatly disheartened her, but she always reminded herself. She would never leave, the girls in RBC needed her. And Helley adored her job, she loved teaching the girls.

"Surprised it's even intact still." A deeper voice shakes her out her thoughts. And Helley just smiles widely, glancing behind her shoulder and catching the glimpse of a much bigger, blue form. Buffalo Belzer stands a few feet behind her. Donned in a mustard-colored turtleneck and baggy wide legged black trousers. Which was a rarity, a thing that only happened once every blue moon. Currently standing at 8 feet tall. Despite being shrunk down, he still dwarfed everyone. His visitor form he called it, only switching into it when he wanted to get personal or just overall visit. Well, obviously he couldn't do it at 300ft. She and him had come back from the local diner. An outing if you'd call it that. Kat and Raul were there too as well. It was mostly a get together for all of them. And relaxation for the adults.

"You'd be taken aback. Mariana agreed to tidy and keep my house clean." Helley tells Belzer matter-of-factly, pushing the door inwards and stepping inside. The demon overlord trails after, ducking his head so his horns don't scrape the paint on the ceiling.

Belzer glances around and takes in the interior design. It's- well cozy. All the houses in Rustbank seemed to just instantly have that homey feel. He had to admit- he was really fond of it. And this was coming from a partially cave-dwelling infernal being. His gaze drifts down to the oakwood shelf that is aligned near the wall. Discreetly studying the picture frames. Some of her and her mother, and then... Helley and Manberg. Together her as a child. Belzer still found their relationship complicated. Maybe she forgot about that picture? But hey, he couldn't really say anything it wasn't his business. "You can stay here long as you want. But I have a curfew in bed by 11:45." Helley's voice resounds from the living room. Belzer blinks and winces as the lights suddenly comes on. He peaks his head into the living room and oo's quietly. A red sofa is up against the wall and a medium sized TV is sat on a coffee table. The curtains are drawn and block out the darkness of outside. "I wasn't one for decor." Helley shrugs her shoulders, "but it's home." She smiles and heads into the kitchen. "You want something? Water- or.." She swings open the fridge and frowns too herself, "water." Humming she turns to face him and rubs her hands together, "have to go shopping anyways." Belzer curiously heads on over and reaches his hand toward the very top and his fingers briefly skim the surface of something hard. Grabbing it briskly and bringing it down to his eye-level. It was... "Beer!" He exclaims triumphantly with a toothy grin. Helley whirls around and walks back to him, reading the date. Avoiding Belzer's teasingly accusing gaze with practiced focus and pure dedication.

"Huh, well it is in date. You have it." Helley pats his arm reassuringly and gets herself a glass of cold water. Belzer rummages around in the open cupboard and grabs a glass, pouring in the contents. Helley heads over to the sofa and sighs softly to herself. "Put on the TV if you want. I'm going to get changed for bed." "Mm." Is all Belzer says very visibly enjoying the comfiness of the couch. Ears twitching as the resounding footsteps of Helley slowly get quieter and quieter. It was all silent now. Silent. Belzer's eyes softened slightly, and he looked around the room. He wasn't one for quiet atmosphere, it reminded him of... well. There's no need to get into detail. Belzer felt himself drifting so slowly. Maybe it was the alcohol from earlier. But he was 100% sure he was beginning to feel something else. An emotion- that wasn't too familiar with him. But luckily that emotion was quickly warded off. As something else came into mind. "This fuckin outfit-" He growls irritably too himself and immediately stands up. It was pinching him too much. How could humans stand wearing these restricting pieces of fabric? Belzer grabbed the neck of his shirt and began to pull it over his belly, chest and arms. Where did he- oh screw it. Belzer was so tempted to toss the article of clothing but decided not to. Setting it gently on the arm of the couch. Before beginning to take of his trousers. "Buffalo Belzer- not another movement!" Helley's disembodied voice roared suddenly and in a blink of eye. She was standing beside him, now wearing a plain black pajamas whilst giving him that very serious look of 'don't you dare'. Belzer stares at her for a moment before grabbing his trousers and slowly pulling down. "Nope-" "But-" "Nah!" "Bu-" Helley scowls at him. "You ain't wearing underwear! I don't want a nude demon in my house, Belzer. Just- keep it on, okay?" He whistles tunelessly between his sharp teeth, a smug grin growing on his face. "For Christ-" "Ah," Belzer holds up a finger, "God's watching, remember?" Helley stares daggers at him and lightly shakes her head, her lips slightly downturned showing her displeasure. "Seriously Buffalo Belzer. Keep your trousers on, or you'll have to go home." Belzer exhales a long breath through his nose. "Fine." He lifts his hands up in surrender and falls back onto the couch, discreetly sticking his tongue out at her. "I saw that." Well, shit. Helley smirks proudly and sits on the couch next to him. Grabbing the remote and switching on the TV. "Get ready because I'm about to introduce you to the world of movies." She warns him with a light grin. Belzer's tail wags excitedly, oh this was going to be good.

-------------------- It was only 7 minutes into the movie. Till he started to feel, what was that emotion? Oh right, sadness. Belzer frowned too himself, he had to drunk right? Why was he feeling like this anyways? Belzer didn't like feeling this. He was already rebuilding his relationships with his boys. Oh. It all clicked now together. Belzer's gaze sneakily drifted to the side- to catch a glimpse of Helley who was too focused on the movie to notice his change in expression and demeanour. He wasn't the best father, was he? He really wasn't. Belzer eyebrows formed into a sad frown. Fathers didn't imprison their children or force them to work. Belzer blinked thrice and tried to recompose himself. He couldn't cry, not now. He was in company dammit, his left hand which rested along his hand, tightened its grip. Claws anchoring into the flesh unbeknownst to him. Stop. Stop this. Too many negative emotions were flooding him like a swarm. Why now? Out of all the times, did it have to be now? Belzer didn't know he had drawn attention to himself. Until he let out a sudden ragged gasp of air, covering his eyes with his hands. Helley looked over with worry and immediately paused the movie. "Belzer? You alright there?" Leaning over slightly to get a better look at him. Reluctantly resting a palm on his arm. "I'm such a fuck up of a father." Came the muffled response. Helley's eyes widened- not so much at the cursing. But just the way his sudden change of mood just- appeared. "Belzer-" Helley tried softly. Belzer jerked away and raised his head staring at her with glossy eyes. "Don't you dare- say otherwise. Do fathers- force their kids to-to work? Do fathers imprison his kids? Do they fucking- ignore them- or neglect THEM!" Belzer exclaims distraughtly; the volume of his voice doesn't make Helley wince. But she feels sympathy and pity for him. Very much so. She had never seen him so distressed. Helley had only known him for a few months, but this was already making her heart ache for him. "Exactly. Bad parents do that." Belzer's nostrils flare with heavy breaths, leaning back defeatedly into the couch. Claws still embedded in his arms, the air of anger and despair around him almost suffocating. Helley can almost physically sense the dark sea of guilt consuming him. She scooches closer to him nonchalantly. "Belzer," She begins again, mulling mentally over the right words to say without angering him. Looking up at him, he's grasping the glass of beer tightly- and Helley initially worries he'd break it and send shards exploding everywhere. And it feels all too familiar, a scenario too well known. Abruptly yet briefly she's thrown back into her memories. A mother on the couch, staring blankly at the TV with a glass of alcohol in her hand. "You... were a bad parent." A small growl issues itself from his throat, and Helley's eyes snap down to his claws that dig even further into his flesh. "But you changed, if you weren't a good parent. You'd remain the same without redemption." Like my mother. She informs him firmly, gingerly grasping his hands and gently lifting them up and away. Almost feeling nauseous, she knows this wasn't a healthy way of dealing with these emotions. "How.." Belzer chokes out, "how can they forgive me? I treated them all badly. They're my children-" A small sob racks his body.

"I know Belzer." Helley comforts him, "but you've learnt your mistakes. And you're dealing with them, regrowing your relationship with your kids." Belzer is quiet for a long moment and Helley worries she had accidently upset him even more. But what happened next was even more alarming- Belzer slumped forward head colliding onto her shoulder. Helley's eyes widen briefly, well- she wasn't expecting this. But she experimentally rested her hand along his arm comfortingly. "Wendell hates me."

"He might- or might not. But the best thing you can do Belzer is to keep rebuilding your relationship." Helley advises him. Belzer sits in silence for a moment digesting her words. Was he being a good father by finally letting Wendell and Wild build their Faire? He assumed so. He'd already seen the design- and it was wonderful. He couldn't have been prouder. "And even if he does hate you currently, it won't last." Helley, of course. Couldn't speak for him, but she was there. When Belzer conversed with his two sons about their project. They looked so happy. But even she knew just because he was letting them build Dream Faire now- wouldn't throw away the other things that had happened between the family of demons. It was a step forward though and that was a sign- of a healthier, and better relationship growing in the near future. Belzer doesn't say anything for a good minute. The guilt he was still feeling was overwhelming. All of those of being a bad parent just came back suddenly haunt him. If he had been better. Would his older children still run off to the Living? Would they not of hated him? Would Wendell not resent him? "Belzer." Helley starts a note of unsureness evident in her voice, "how long have you been feeling this? This guilt?" She wanted to know, she had seen a case of self-guilt before, and it was never pretty. "Years." He replied honestly before sitting upright, glancing at Helley with the most miserable expression she had ever seen on the demonic Overlord's face. "Always told myself- I shouldn't feel these emotions."

Helley's eyebrows form into a puzzled frown. "How come? Is it because you're a demon and a ruler?" Belzer gives a small chuckle- but Helley's smart enough to know it isn't from humor. "Clearly. You don't see the old Scratch crying and blubbering." He tells her brusquely. Helley holds his gaze, reaching for his hand gingerly and squeezing it comfortingly. "Belzer, all these negative emotions have been left to boil up and fester. You..." Her eyes drift down discreetly to his arms, "you aren't dealing with these emotions the way you should be." "But I shouldn't be!-" Belzer rages abruptly, lips curled back to reveal his sharp teeth. Grip tightening so much- Helley worries he'll snap her wrist clean off, but she doesn't so much as wince. "You're allowed to feel, and if it hurts. It's okay."

Belzer's eyes soften at that, regarding her for a long moment in silence. Before unshed tears start to emerge, slanting forward and resting his chin on her shoulder in some sort of variation of a hug.

"Hey, it's alright." Helley consoles him, raising her arms and reluctantly hugging him as he softly sobs. She was never used to physical touch- but now? She didn't care, not now at least. And each cry of distress makes her increase her embrace tightly, she just wants him to be alright. He's not loud, but it doesn't have to be for Helley to hear the outright anguish. Helley always found it ironic, how herself befriended a demon. But she'd be damned, if he wasn't the best friend, she always wanted in her childhood life.

After a while the stifled sobs comes to a stop. And for Belzer it feels like a heavy weight had been lifted. Was this all he needed? To talk to someone, to vent? Helley remains hugging him, until he gradually pulls away in his own time. His eyes are red and puffy. But despite that he looks considerably calmer. "I'm sorry you had to see all that."

Helley keeps her grim firm and reassuring on his hand. "Don't. Don't apologize ever for venting out all your emotions." She informs him sternly, her gaze so gentle and soothing. "I just want to be a good parent." Belzer shrugs his shoulders limply. And Helley nods her head knowingly. "Belzer, you're already starting to become a better parent." Helley reminds him, "and only you can mend your relationship with Wendell and Wild and the others. It'll be hard at first, but as time goes on. It'll be easier, you just have to keep pushing on and trying." Belzer's eyes flicker down and Helley knows she heard him. "I'll do my best." There's a newfound determination in his eyes. A nervous one, but it's there. He just had to keep on trying, if this is what he had to do? Then he'd do it over 100 times. Helley's lips curve into a bright smile. "Want to finish the film?" She asks him tenderly and nestles back into the couch. Remote pointed at the TV.

Belzer perks up at that and nods his head, a small grin visible on his face. The room once more filled with noise from the movie. Helley looks at Belzer mentally. And the only thing she sees is a broken father who hasn't dealt with his emotions in the healthiest way. But she knows that doesn't excuse the abuse he inflicted on his own children. But she admires the fact he saw and realized his wrongdoings. And he was working on being a better parent. He wasn't all bad. He had a long road to trek, decidedly so. But she would be there to offer him guidance and help. Buffalo Belzer, I wish you could see how much good you're already doing. You should be proud that you have changed your ways. Doing and changing more- than my own mother could. She absentmindedly lets her head slouch to the side, cheek resting on his arm. Eyes glued to the TV screen; this was nice. Helley would always be here for him, for Raul- for the demon brothers and especially Kat. They were all like family to her, it always made her a bit emotional. But she felt great happiness each time she was helping someone close to her. She believed in Belzer. He could do it.

[johnnybeepboop]

silly little AU i made (with a quick explanation from a discord message i wrote cause i still need to flesh this stuff out) poor JJ

[sheepydwagondraws]

Look into my eyeholes, tell me what you see

[chloesimaginationthings]

Friendship never dies in FNAF..

[lotus-lost-n-found]

Some Batfam Headcanons because the brain never stops;

Jason hates being called "Bruce's Son". But he hates it more when hes called "One of Wayne's Orphans/Wayne's child" because fuck you I'm his son-! wait no--

With the exception of Damian, they rarely refer to Bruce as "Dad/Father". Either it didn't occur to them/didn't see the need to/thought it would be strange. But when Dick/Jason/Tim/Cass are tired or injured it might slip out. And Bruce might just crumble a bit at it

Doesn't mean they don't say it to their siblings when Bruce is out of Earshot.

"Dad said you couldn't." "What do you mean Dad said I couldn't use that mug? It's my mug!" "You snooze you lose Timmy Boy-" "Jason don't be an asshole-"

That being said Bruce says "son/daughter/child" at every available opportunity he can after he knows that they have acclimated enough that they wouldn't be uncomfortable/know they can tell Bruce that they don't want to be called that.

First time Bruce called Dick "son" in a way that meant "You are my kid" and not in a "This police officer just called me son with a brow furrow" way Dick grinned and carried on with the conversation. Later he wondered if his dad wouldn't like someone else calling him Son; but Dick thinks about the life he was given because of Bruce and thinks maybe his dad wouldn't mind.

Calling Jason "son" is a hit or miss situation, even before he died. The first time it happened he was confused, he didnt think that was the relationship they had and it made everything change for him. He got frustrated--not angry--with himself and Bruce at this sudden emotional turmoil. Wasn't he just the kid Bruce picked up in an alleyway? Wasn't he just some street rat in bright Robin clothing? (He lets himself believe that he can be Bruce's son. If for only a little while).

Tim cries after Bruce is out of earshot, it would've been a year or so after his parents died and he was adopted. He didn't think he could have been wanted like that again. Even if you think the Drake's had A+ Parenting or not, I don't think he would have gotten a lot of confirmation of being wanted otherwise.

Cass smiles, emotions carefully concealed under her expression. She's grateful she found Bruce and he doesn't mention it if she leans a bit closer in a request for closeness.

Damian doesn't expect anything less, he only appears satisfied. But also relieved that he has gotten the confirmation that yes, Bruce wants and accepts him.

EDIT 10/11; hiii, i have added Duke, Steph & a Bonus in a reblog you can find on the same blog under my 'batfamily headcanons' / 'sore rambles' tag. have fun :)

[egophiliac]

What do you like about the Diasomnia boys if I may ask?

I always love hearing about the different reasons people enjoy characters.

I mean, c'mon. he has split custody over Sebek okay

also, Lilia in particular has maybe the best timeskip character development of all time

[flwrstqr]

♡ ENHYPEN HYUNG LINE REACTION WHEN YOU KISS THEM RANDOMLY WHEN THEY ARGUE WITH YOU

﹙ 𝓹𝐥𝐨𝐭 ♡𝓹𝐫é𝐜𝐢𝐬 enha hyung line x fem!r. 𖥔fluff, headcanons ot7 works one shot wordcount` 700. 𓈃 ◌⠀⠀˖ 𝐀𝐑𝐂𝐇𝐈𝐕𝐄 𓏵⠀

𝐋𝐄𝐄 𝐇𝐄𝐄𝐒𝐄𝐔𝐍𝐆 (이희승)

heeseung’s voice gets a little louder as he tries to make his point, frustration clear in his eyes. “you never listen to me when i—” before he can finish, you grab his face and press your lips to his, catching him completely off guard. his words die out, replaced with a muffled sound of surprise, and he melts almost instantly into the kiss. his hands find your waist, holding you close as the tension evaporates in an instant. when you finally pull back, he’s breathless, his cheeks flushed. “that’s cheating,” he murmurs, lips twitching into a smile despite himself. you grin up at him, teasingly, “i thought you liked it when i didn’t listen.” heeseung laughs softly, pulling you back in, his forehead resting against yours. “you’re impossible, baby.” but the way his thumb gently brushes your cheek tells you he wouldn’t have it any other way.

𝐏𝐀𝐑𝐊 𝐉𝐀𝐘 (박종성)

jay’s brows are furrowed, and he’s pacing in front of you, clearly upset about something. “i’m just saying, you could’ve told me instead of—” you step forward and cut him off with a sudden kiss, your lips meeting his mid-sentence. he freezes, eyes wide in shock, before slowly relaxing into the kiss, his hands resting on your shoulders as if grounding himself. when you pull back, he’s staring at you in disbelief, his voice softer now. “you can’t just do that, babe,” he mumbles, though there’s a smile tugging at his lips. “it’s not fair.” you shrug, a playful smirk on your face. “works every time, doesn’t it?” jay chuckles, shaking his head as he pulls you closer by the waist, his forehead resting against yours. “yeah, but now i forgot what i was even mad about,” he admit.

𝐒𝐈𝐌 𝐉𝐀𝐊𝐄 (심재윤)

jake’s voice rises just a bit, hands gesturing as he tries to make his point. “but you didn’t even tell me you—” before he can finish, you grab his collar and pull him into a kiss, silencing him instantly. his eyes widen in surprise, but he doesn’t resist, his lips against yours as he instinctively pulls you closer. when you pull away, he furrow his eyebrows. “you should be lucky that you're my pretty girlfriend,” he murmurs, brushing a stray strand of hair from your face. his thumb gently traces your cheek as he pulls you even closer, the teasing in his tone melting into something warmer. “otherwise, i’d still be mad.”

𝐏𝐀𝐑𝐊 𝐒𝐔𝐍𝐆𝐇𝐎𝐎𝐍 (박성훈)

sunghoon’s eyes narrow slightly as he’s mid-argument, his voice steady but firm. “i’m just saying, you could’ve—” you cut him off by grabbing his face and pulling him into a sudden kiss. his body tenses for a split second, completely taken off guard, his hands automatically finding your waist. when you pull back, his lips are slightly parted, eyes blinking in surprise. “you can’t just do that, sweetheart,” he mutters, though a small, amused smile tugs at the corner of his mouth. “not fair.” you tilt your head, smiling innocently. “worked, didn’t it?” sunghoon chuckles, shaking his head in disbelief as he wraps his arms around you. “you know, you’re impossible,” he whispers, his tone softening as his forehead presses gently against yours, “but i guess i can’t stay mad at my girl.”

[sandflakedraws]

re : how each brother reacts learning that they can't go back

you'll have to pry the "all the Brozone Bros knew what happened at the tree" headcanon outta my cold, dead dead dead hands.

[courfee]

17 December 1975 / 15 May 1976

[hypnoticmoth]

Some sketches of Vox’s life after he lost everything, as he tries to get his life back together (and eventually his fellow Vees)

The sorta context is here ~

[wheneverfeasible]

Bullshit (part 2/3)

Continuation “fix it” of this ficlet where Steve changed himself to try to earn Eddie’s love.

Steve missed his polos.

He missed his light wash jeans, his music, watching his favorite movies, he even missed his stupid plaid walls.

Eddie had laughed at them the first time he’d been in Steve’s room, back before they’d even started dating. Technically they were still there, they were just covered up with posters of bands Steve only knew about because his boyfriend liked them. Eddie had teasingly gifted him a Black Sabbath one back when they had just been friends to give his room more “personality” instead of his mostly undecorated room, which…okay, fair, because Steve had admittedly not done much of it himself just because he couldn’t be bothered.

(And he did, actually, kind of like the poster because it was their own little inside joke. It made him smile when he saw it, even to this day, even if he thought he could still taste the damned demobat sometimes.)

It wasn’t like he really knew much of who he was to begin with. He still had the bowling pin he and Tommy had stolen from the bowling lane their sophomore year (Steve’s idea, though only to impress his friend), and the picture of the car he had bought on a whim because Tommy had said he wanted a car just like it. Any other knickknack had either been gifted or purchased for a similar intent.

Now, that car picture was collecting dust in his closet, replaced by the Black Sabbath poster that Eddie had pinned to the wall slightly askew for ‘aesthetics,’ though it being slightly off-center and at an angle made Steve a little itchy. Soon, however, other posters soon followed, some given to him by Eddie and some he purchased himself after learning what bands Eddie liked, with a large Dio one taking up space by his bed.

Flyers of Corroded Coffin shows or other band merch dotted around the room as well, which he didn’t really mind because he liked supporting his boyfriend, though the clutter and disorganization slightly bothered him. Eddie had grinned at the sight however and called him a ‘real boy now’ for looking like the room of a young man and not a ‘30-something corporate stooge,’ so that would have to be fine too.

But he still missed his room looking like his room, instead of a replica of Eddie’s. It made Eddie feel more comfortable however, so he tried not to think about how it wasn’t his aesthetic at all, because he could learn to like it. He could change for the better. He could be what Eddie wanted. He could be good enough.

Which was why he was confused, staring at the garment box on the kitchen table where he’d been circling car ads in the classifieds, trying to find something cooler than his bimmer. Eddie had come over with a wide grin, sliding a box he recognized from one of the department stores he used to shop at before dating Eddie.

Eddie had proffered it with a flourish, grinning expectantly, practically vibrating with anticipation as Steve had carefully lifted the lid and moved the tissue paper aside to reveal the piece of clothing inside. A polo shirt in a soft, buttery sort of yellow with thick vertical white stripes running vertical over it.

Steve looked up at Eddie with a furrowed brow. “I…you got me a polo?” he questioned, confused and also concerned, knowing the department store was definitely outside of Eddie’s usual price range.

“Yeah!” Eddie confirmed happily, moving to sit in the chair next to Steve, looking down at the soft material Steve had yet to pull from the box. “The check from the gig came through, and I remember you looking at this shirt a couple weeks ago. I’ve been waiting to be buy it ever since.”

Steve blinked at that. He hadn’t known Eddie had caught him admiring the shirt in the window while he and Eddie had been walking around downtown. He felt a flair of panic at the thought, annoyed at himself for slipping up, for reminding Eddie that he was a stupid preppy rich kid. Eddie didn’t look upset though, or at least…he hadn’t. Now his eyes were darting over Steve’s expression with growing worry, chewing on his lower lip.

“Is that…is that all right? Was it a different one you wanted? I-I still have the receipt, we can return it and get the one you wanted,” Eddie rushed to say.

“No,” Steve quickly said, his fingers of one hand tightening slightly on the box while his other reached out of their own accord to slightly touch the shirt within. “I…Eddie,” he breathed, not knowing what else to say, what this meant. Why would Eddie buy him something like this? “You shouldn’t waste your hard earned money on…something like this.” Shouldn’t waste your money on me, he wanted to say. “It’s your first paying gig.”

Eddie shook his head quickly, an almost embarrassed smile curling his lips with a slight blush. “I wanted to, Stevie. You always buy me things, I wanted to return the favor. You’ve been so supportive of me and I wanted to…I don’t know. Thank you.” He glanced down at the polo with a soft expression, though he did frown a little too afterwards. “I haven’t seen you wear your polos in a really long time,” he murmured quietly.

Steve tensed at Eddie’s words. Of course he hadn’t. Polos weren’t cool. Polos weren’t good enough for Eddie. It was why he was so confused at this gift. He didn’t understand why Eddie would buy him something that wasn’t metal. That wasn’t suitable for his boyfriend.

“I know that you’re experimenting with your style and all, and I won’t deny you’re hot as fuck in these,” Eddie grinned, moving to pinch the loose sleeve of Steve’s tee between his fingers. It was from some band he didn’t actually know before he’d bought the shirt, something called Leatherwolf, though he had bought their tape as well so that he could pretend to be a fan and know some of their songs. “But you look hot in your polos too. I miss them.”

Steve sat up straighter at that, his eyebrows flying up in surprise. Eddie…liked his polos? “Aren’t the polos…kind of lame?” he asked carefully.

Eddie snorted, smiling as he leaned in to press a kiss to Steve’s neck, causing a startled smile to erupt over Steve’s own lips as he squirmed at the slight tickle of Eddie’s lips and hair. “There’s nothing lame about you, sweetheart,” Eddie murmured, voice roughened with his tease. He pulled back though, a touch of his worry on his expression again. “Do you like it?”

Of course Steve liked it. He loved it. It was exactly the one he had been looking at before, even though he’d tried to hide it, which meant that Eddie really had noticed it and really had been waiting to buy it for him. With his first paycheck from Corroded Coffin’s first real paying gig.

There had been the fear that Eddie’s involvement with the band would limit their options, that no one would want to listen to a band that had a member who was suspected of grisly murders. Eddie had been prepared to step down, to let the others move on without him, had offered it even though Jeff and the others had vehemently opposed the idea. They’d said that Corroded Coffin wouldn’t exist without Eddie and if he wasn’t part of it then they didn’t want to do it anymore.

In a surprise twist that probably shouldn’t have been all that surprising, Eddie’s infamy had actually helped the band. The news of his believed guilt and then later innocence and injury from the actual killer that he had tried to stop had spread even beyond Hawkins, drawing a crowd for their nights performing at The Hideout who began to see more patrons than ever before.

Then they’d been invited to participate in a Battle of the Bands, which they hadn’t won but they’d placed second, and the random shows they’d throw themselves at the quarry or wherever else saw larger crowds than usual, even the one they threw to celebrate Gareth graduating, and they’d even been asked to play at the fair, though it was a free gig.

Then, most recently, someone had approached them after one of their shows and asked to hire them for an event in Indianapolis. A paying event in Indianapolis. With it was the promise of possible future paying gigs as their fanbase grew and spread. There was even talk of a possible scout being at the gig.

Dustin had joked that maybe ‘86 hadn’t been his year, but ‘88 could be, though Eddie had just grinned and denied it, saying that ‘86 had been his year after all. He hadn’t said why, but he gave Steve a secretive smile and reached out to tangle their fingers together.

Steve felt a flare of warmth beneath his skin as he stared down at the polo again, hesitating before giving a brief nod. Eddie’s previously nervous smile bloomed into a joyous one, and he leaned in quickly to plant a smacking kiss to Steve’s cheek. Steve rolled his eyes but couldn’t prevent his own smile from growing on his lips.

“Thank you, baby,” Steve murmured, sliding a hand over Eddie’s neck to draw him in for a slow kiss. He didn’t know what it meant still, Eddie buying him a polo of all things, but it made him more determined than ever to be good enough for his boyfriend.

When they pulled back, Eddie soft with happiness, Steve made the decision. He needed to go all in if he was to keep Eddie happy. He drew in a deep breath and moved to take Eddie’s hand, his finger lightly tracing one of the scars there.

“I was thinking of growing out my hair. Maybe even dying it. Or maybe shaving i—”

“Don’t you dare!” Eddie interrupted, expression and tone absolutely scandalized as he squeezed Steve’s hand. Steve jumped slightly at the sudden explosion, blinking wide eyes at Eddie, causing the other to flush slightly in embarrassment. “I mean. You can, obviously, if you really want to, it’s your hair after all, but…” Eddie let out a small whine of protest as his gaze moved up to take in Steve’s hair.

Steve self-consciously reached up with his free hand to pass his fingers through his hair, which wasn’t quite as voluminous as he used to style it, but was still the last real testament of his former style. His former personality. The bullshit one.

“I mean,” Steve hedged, glancing away with a small roll of a shoulder in an aborted shrug. “It’s not exactly metal is it?” He looked back at Eddie with a slightly strained smile, rolling his eyes as though in commiseration. “I don’t want to embarrass you by making people think you have a prep for a boyfriend,” he laughed.

Eddie’s expression changed immediately as he stilled almost unnaturally, falling into a blank neutrality, even his eyes shuttering as he slowly pulled his hand from Steve’s grip. The response caused Steve to start panicking, worrying he’d messed up in some way, that he reminded Eddie of all the ways that he was lacking.

Steve opened his mouth to start apologizing, ready to apologize for anything, but Eddie held up his hand palm out to stop him, causing Steve’s mouth to shut with a soft click of teeth.

Eddie’s gaze dropped from Steve as his brows slowly began to furrow, a calculating expression settling over him as his eyes fell to the soft yellow polo still in the box. His lips twisted into a frown. After several excruciating moments, his eyes moved towards Steve’s shirt, an even more pinched look settling over his expression.

“Who are you wearing?” Eddie asked, his voice low and slow.

Steve glanced down at his shirt, the panic in him spiking, before realizing that this was a test. He had to prove to Eddie that he could like metal too (he didn’t, not really, though he could appreciate some of it) and wouldn’t be an embarrassment. He could do this.

“Leatherwolf,” he answered, thankful that he had done his job well enough to answer this pop quiz. He straightened his spine and pulled up the information he memorized with a slightly relieved smile. He could do this. “They’re from California. They were founded in, um, 1981.”

“What’s your favorite song of theirs?” Eddie asked, and there was something slightly off in his tone, but Steve couldn’t place it, not when he was frantically trying to recall the titles of the songs he’d made himself remember.

“Um. Cry Out?” he hesitantly asked more than answered, which caused Eddie’s lips to press into a thin line. He felt his breath catch at the obvious displeasure on Eddie’s face, wondering if he’d answered wrong. Was that a bad song? “O-or no, um, not that one. Uh. I like…um. I like…Magic Eye?” Fuck no, that wasn’t right. “Magical Eyes, I mean,” he corrected himself hastily.

Eddie’s eyes slowly dragged over Steve, his lips compressing again into a thin line as he drew in his own deep breath through flared nostrils. “Fuck,” he muttered, obviously not meant for Steve but it caused Steve to panic anyways as Eddie looked away, his brow furrowing in thought as his gaze settled on the newspaper on the table and the circled ads there.

“I’m sorry,” he quickly apologized, though he wasn’t certain what he had done wrong this time. Maybe Eddie didn’t like that band?

“Steve…” Eddie heaved a heavy sigh, rubbing his hand over his face before he looked over at Steve again. “I had thought you were just…trying things out. Experimenting. Lord knows your folks never let you be your own person,” he muttered before waving a hand as though to swat that thought away. “I didn’t realize you were actually trying to change.”

Why did Eddie sound so appalled by that? Wasn’t that a good thing? He was willing to fundamentally change who he was just for Eddie, to become someone deserving of Eddie, who fit in Eddie’s life. Didn’t Eddie want Steve in his life?

“Why are you upset about me changing?” Steve huffed, his worry turning into annoyance in his tone. “I thought that was a good thing. Not being the douchebag I used to be.” He scowled, crossing his arms with a roll of his eyes to cover his unease.

Eddie just looked at him in that way that made it seem like he was seeing inside Steve, which normally Steve liked because no one ever actually saw him, but now it just made him uncomfortable. Like he had done something wrong. He was just trying to be a good boyfriend, however. Besides, it’s not like he had come up with the plan on his own.

Everyone always talked about how different he and Eddie were. Always pointed out how preppy he was, made fun of Eddie for falling for a jock, had even asked at the start when they first came out publicly to their friends who was blackmailing whom into the relationship. Steve knew he had to change. They were too fundamentally different. It was the only way to keep Eddie.

Except Eddie didn’t look like he was going to be kept. He had started slowly shaking his head, pulling back, his eyes skittering over Steve again but in a way that said he wasn’t liking what he was saying. Steve’s panic spiked again.

“Eddie. This is good. I’m willing to change for you, that’s how much I love you,” Steve breathed, reaching out to grab Eddie’s hand with desperation. “I listen to your music now, and I play Dungeons and Dragons, and I don’t even talk about basketball around you anymore. As long as you’re happy, I’m happy. Don’t you see? Isn’t that all that matters?”

Eddie’s lips turned down into a sharp frown. A shuddering breath left him before he all but yanked his hand from Steve’s, his dark eyes turning even darker as he pulled away from Steve and said those damning words:

“But I’m not happy, Steve.”

Steve felt all the air leave his lungs, felt all the blood first rush to his head and then drain out of him, felt his mouth and tongue and throat shrivel into dryness as his eyes widened in horror. Eddie was shaking his head, stumbling out of his chair and back, an unreadable expression on his face as he distanced himself from Steve and this revelation.

“This wasn’t what I wanted, Steve. This doesn’t make me happy.” Eddie’s took another step back when Steve stumbled from his own chair, putting the table between them. “I…I need to go. I need to think.”

Steve knew with certainty that if he let Eddie leave now, that this thing between them would never be the same. His heart clenched in his chest painfully, and he felt his eyes sting with encroaching tears. “Eddie, please…” he begged, his words cracking.

Eddie only shook his head, sending his hair arcing around him, before straightening his spine. “This isn’t you. I don’t want this to be you. I love you Steve, but this version of you? The one that I created—” This time it was Eddie’s voice that cracked.

Clearing his throat, Eddie backed away. “No. No, this isn’t what I wanted. I’m sorry, Steve, but I need to go. I need to think. I can’t be here right now. I’m sorry.”

And with that, Eddie spun on his heels and all but ran towards the door, escaping from Steve’s incompetence, his unworthiness, his undesirability while Steve could only stand there in frozen horror, the tears he couldn’t hold back any longer slowly dripping down his cheeks.

Because he knew. He knew this would happen. He knew that no matter what he did, he would never be good enough. He knew that Eddie would leave him one day. Knew that he would never be able to keep the one he loved.

Knew that he, like his love, would always be complete and utter bullshit.

-

Part 3

-

tag list: @derythcorvinus @katyawriteswhump

[arunneronthird]

actually i think they should do stupid things together sometimes, i also fully embraced the fact that none of them have any fashion sense

[hinamie]

congrats on your recovery n all yuuji but unfortunately for you I thought the scars were cool >:/

[lucabyte]

"So what's the weirdest possible first (second) impression Loop could make on the party in postcanon?" "Yeah, that, probably."

+ Bonus

theyre just standing there in direct party order while this happens. normal tuesday.

[sunny-knight]

“Don’t… don’t tell him you think dingbat fonts are cool.”

AUGH @forgettable-au fanart :3 been on another roll with it (in agony constantly)

theres some untranslated wingdings cause i love translating it myself, hope others do too :D

not confident on how “canon” or in-character this is but- I HAD FUN this AU has really got me in the rendering spirit, I really enjoy taking inspiration but also adding mu own silly twists on it and AAA everything looks even more tasty now

I view this as them in New Home after getting something to eat (after the last page update) and heading back the same way since Alphys’ place is on the way to The Lab. The font convo comes back up again and then yeah

Alsoooo if youre interested in behind the scenes stuff heres the speedpaint :3

also i never poster about this- but i had another forgettable dream. it didn’t make any godamn sense. I woke up and drew the only scene I could remember:

Wingdings and Sans had a fight and ig wingdings killed Sans 😭😭😭 in a stairwell for some reason

and current Sans, Papyrus brother Sans, is like watching all of this and was brought here by Lancer like a Ghost Of Christmas Past type situation. Idk why. I choose not to attempt to make sense of this anymore. But i swear this is an actual dream i had 😭