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#have i mentioned i love them yet bc I do
lizord-lord · 3 months
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They are high school mean girls. to ME.
(I will continue to give the distortion a different outfit in every single picture I draw them in it is my RIGHT as an artist)
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seventh-district · 4 months
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Making Incorrect H:SR Quotes Until I Run Out of (hopefully) Original Ideas - Pt. 4 - Nuthin' but Boothill Edition
[Pt. 1] [Pt. 2] [Pt. 3] [Pt. 5] [Pt. 6]
#boothill#honkai star rail#hsr#hsr incorrect quotes#hsr memes#honkai star rail memes#hsr meme#honkai star rail meme#hsr textpost#hsr boothill#boothill hsr#hsr spoilers#hsr 2.2 spoilers#hmmm... don't think it's worth tagging the others in the 9th image. this ain't about them#still unsure abt how to do the alt text for these kinda posts properly but hopefully i'm improving#anyways. don't think i've ever seen heard and typed "cowboy' so many times in one day as i have while making this good lord#i did a bit of digging around and haven't Seen any of these done yet so. here's hoping that's the case!#i'm only ~3/4 of the way through the 2.2 main quest but the need to make these compelled me to put these out Now#i can already tell u that there Will be more of these for Boothill tho bc i'm crazy abt him. probably enough to make another dedicated post#but i'm gonna wait until i'm fully caught up on the plot (and will probably spoil myself for more of his character lore after that as well)#speaking of. i'm gonna go eat mac n' cheese and stay up too late playing through the rest of the main quest#i'm loving it so far. many thoughts head full abt it all but in a good way. hoping for more Boothill moments as we approach the end#he's def not the main character here but he is to Me okay. he is to me. i'm scarfing down every crumb he drops#i'm also suffering from Aventurine withdrawals out here. Argenti mentioning him was Interesting but i need More. Where Is He.#also. was Argenti intentionally not voiced or was it a game issue?? the hell was that. threw me off so hard when i couldn't hear him speak#anyways i'm getting off topic and wasting precious gaming time so i'll be takin' my leave now
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themyscirah · 4 months
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Complaining abt Suicide Squad yet again but the fact that they have Waller exposing the alien community to space racist attacks and talking abt how she got to her position through deceit and being a terrible person and stuff is just. Ahsfiwueh JUST SAY YOU DONT KNOW WALLER.
Anyways literally the 3rd mission of the Squad ever (and the first framed as smth Waller picked and not orders from above) was the Squad discrediting and stopping a rogue vigilante who was only arresting POC and funneling white people into white supremacy groups (of which he was the most prominent member) in SUICIDE SQUAD #4. and it's explicitly framed as this mission being personal for Waller that she's hiding from the government bc its illegal like. Guys. Please why are we having her incite (space bc comics) racist attacks now
Also the whole "Amanda got her position through deceit and being a terrible person" NO. she KEPT her position through being shitty and playing complicated political games!!! She wasn't always that way like there is a difference and it is IMPORTANT ppl PLEASEEEE. In Secret Origins #14 we learn Amanda's backstory and she used to be a normal, caring person! Like even after she entered into working in government and politics she wasn't automatically morally bankrupt like please people. She was originally given control of the Squad by Reagan (*sigh* 80s comics...) to distract and get rid of her because she was so successful at pushing progressive social policy in Congress. Acting like she's this static pillar of evil is such a waste of her character and so fucking uninteresting and disrespectful to her arc it drives me MAD.
Like I am NOT saying Waller is all sunshine and rainbows, she fucking SUCKS (said w love <3) but like there's a human being there. It's a progression, she has a character arc like please, DC, please!!! They've fucked up Waller so bad and made her so opaque and uninteresting she can't even be the protagonist of her own story for fucks sake!
Like I don't know how many times I have to scream it until DC hears me or remembers but WALLER IS THE MAIN CHARACTER OF SUICIDE SQUAD. ITS HER BOOK. yet right now she's a cutout to be used as the villain wherever the writers please. Even in her book we get none of her perspective really displayed, no exploration of her thoughts with any kind of understanding of the role she traditionally has played and was made to play in the story.
#its like youre unable to root for her in any form. which is annoying bc shes actually awesome actually#also having her say “actually im the good guy fuck you'' w/o any actual deep analysis of her psyche or whatever while doing these things#doesnt count as development or showing shes 3 dimensional. its just having 2 dimensional waller say shes right when everyone is obviously#supposed to believe shes wrong#anyways i want real waller back please i miss herrrrrrrr#anyways hope mr john ridley has read secret origins no 14. i know its from 1987 but please guys please. my only hope#also it was a few months ago but i think they tried to push certain elements of a diff backstory in dream team and sorry but fuck that. and#any mention of another waller background like my eyes are closed sry. im a preboot truther#actually im just ignorant of most squad comics outside the original series. im gonna do a readthrough and become knowledgeable on other#stuff i just need to find time. so if im wrong then sorry if its smth factual and if you disagree with my opinion then uh sorry for ur loss#anyways shoutout to the time i had a nerd night w my one friend and she was asking me abt dc and said my favorite villains and i said waller#and silver swan. and she had a “yuck WHY” to waller and a ???? to silver swan. love shouting out my faves and explaining them to the less#informed. didnt say a number 3 but would probably be parallax ig. idk hes kind of slay. or maybe someone else honestly i like hal but waller#and nessie are blorbo level for me i could think abt them for hours#or maybe it wouldnt be parallax actually idk who my 3 would be. hes definitely up there but way below the other 2. maybe the cheetah#interpretation that i personally have. v different from the popular cheetah interpretation esp rucka vers actually. much closer to the pérez#and esp develops some subtext there surrounding barbara and the exploitation and theft of sacred cultural artifacts and pieces but also#like british colonization a lil bit#but i actually despise the cheetah that lives in my head but think shed be interesting to use narratively and see diana fight#vs the other guys who i find interesting and sympathetic and like for themselves#whereas my fave interpretation of cheetah can rot in hell#i got off topic here#blah#swishy rant#also disclaimer that w the main character ik dreamer is the main character of dream team. im talking more in general and that amanda should#always have a huge role as shes the main character of the squad and yet is treated like its villain and not its protag#sui sq
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What’s up with the ties between Sally & Eddie?
There are quite a few - to the point where I’m starting to suspect that they may be foils, or at least inherently tied together in the story.
First let's bring things back to the clocks. The “day” side has an obvious resemblance to Sally, like how the “night” side resembles Eddie. There’s not really much I can say here since we don’t know much more yet, and who knows if this has changed behind the scenes. But just think about that, the rarity of the color purple, night vs day, and the “monster”. Keep it in your head, I think it may be important. 
Also the fact that Eddie is the only one with a watch, but Sally’s face has an incredibly similar face on her door.
Obviously Sally has some sort of beef with Eddie, despite him being nothing but friendly and (to our knowledge) being undeserving of it. One thought I entertained was “maybe Sally is dismissive of him because he’s a worker,” but that holds zero water when you consider how perfectly friendly Sally was with Howdy (karen Sally debunked <3). The second thought I had was “maybe Sally senses the queer in Eddie and it intimidates her” - which would make sense if Sally is a lesbian like I suspect. Internalized homophobia, anyone? This holds up if Eddie is going to turn out to be - not open about himself, but comfortable in his skin in a way that, say, Frank isn’t. Which I have a feeling that will be the case, which would likely make Sally put on airs even more so than usual. 
Anyone else seeing a continuous trend of (social) masks and performances unfolding in the Neighborhood? I sure am.
But let’s talk about why I think they might be foils. They balance each other out in an interesting way, despite their only solid similarity being that Both will work/perform no matter the weather. They have a lot of closely related differences:
Eddie has been mentioned (and implied within the story so far) to have a deeper well of knowledge than he lets on, but acts humble about it. Sally has been mentioned (and implied) to know less than she portrays, but acts like a bit of a know-it-all - she pretends to know things that she doesn’t. 
Eddie’s role is about helping others at his own expense, while Sally’s is using others to reach fame. 
Eddie strives to connect with his Neighbors and is all about accuracy/precision. Sally is in her own little world and has proved to be more than willing to improvise / not think things through before acting.
Eddie is slow to anger, and Sally is easily irritated. 
Selfless vs Selfish.
Night vs Day. 
And to put them in the Johari Window - i believe that Sally resides in the Blind Spot (known to others, not known to self), and Eddie resides in either the Facade (not known to others, known to self) OR the Unknown (not known to others, not known to self). Personally I’m starting to believe that Eddie may reside in both. 
It’s far too early to draw any real conclusions, and theorizing on all of this is difficult. I feel as though - as usual - we have puzzle pieces but no frame of reference for the way they fit together, what picture they build. And who knows, tomorrow’s update may shred this to ribbons, but I doubt it. 
One thought I had was that they’re in cahoots about something - it doesn’t have to be something malicious or some sort of secret plot, it could simply be something they both know and are trying to keep quiet about. Eddie is trying to connect with Sally since they have this in common, but Sally is actively putting distance between them to preserve their secret / plausible deniability. Do I actually believe this? Meh. I’m just throwing spaghetti at the wall to see what sticks.
So current base thoughts: Sally is dismissive of Eddie either because he intimidates/scares her on an internalized level, or she’s actively trying to put distance between them for a currently unknown reason. There’s probably a secret third option I haven’t even considered!
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moeblob · 5 months
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What Deacon thinks: what did that mean? did he want me to wear a collar too? why else would he mention my neck? i mean, if he /asked/ me i would wear one but he didn't so would wearing one be weird?
What Ymber meant: It's nice to be near someone who isn't tethered to this world to serve it with a physical reminder for all to see.
#my characters#this just in ! thats why all the deities in the plot have collars and a chain !#its because THATS THEIR DESIGNATED I AM HERE TO HELP THIS WORLD SYMBOL#they cant remove their collars and thats fine by them - its a constant reminder that they exist to serve#deacon really shouldnt get as much crap as he gets in canon for being weird cause the deities are just a different brand of weird#like its not deacons fault that apparently you can say nice neck with no underlying desire#but he cant say hi would you please possess me i want to know what its like to have someone else in my body#like thats really not something you should pin on deacon YET EVERY deity is like wow what a lil weirdo#he also just really wants to please ymber so if ymber asked he would definitely do whatever#on the flip side i need to point out that deacon very specifically doesnt ask ymber for things nor does he pray for things#and it drives ymber up a wall because this is his favorite human who wont ask for anything and he isnt a psychic#he doesnt know what deacon wants or needs and its infuriating cause he exists to serve humanity#and yet this ONE GUY wont let him do things for him#this is very important and i cant believe i mentioned it like a month ago to someone and today#i received gift art of these two and i may never recover#its so perfect and its ymber just looming over deacon telling him that he can pray about anything to him#its also worth pointing out that when i was telling the person about the whole ymber begging for a prayer#its because he realizes that after all this time hes never had a single prayer from deacon - not before nor after the hire#so hes like oh well thats odd hmm#and then begins to talk to deacon like you know people pray to me for lots of things#and deacon looks at him unsure of what this is leading to - did someone offer a weird prayer? ask a weird thing? whatst?#and no - its just ymber saying that people will pray for wealth or an item#or they will express frustration if something is lost or broken despite it not being ymbers fault so deacon just stares#he has no idea what this is going to end on really so he points out 'well you do like to think you break people'#and ymber just ASDFASDFSADF STOP OK NEXT POINT people pray to me to bless relationships with happiness#and thats fascinating so deacon is like wow can you actually do that?#and ymber is so stressed as hes like i mean kinda i can simply amplify the positive emotions in gestures#like if someone gives an item out of love then its blessed#he also admits that he cant mask insincerity or malice so those feelings are not hidden nor amplified#and deacon just is impressed bc that is actually VERY cool
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purpurussy · 1 month
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#tw suicide#idk i feel like i am probably gonna kms after TIT#i would do it sooner but i asked one of my friends to come with me and it would suck if i made him go alone#and it is something to look forward to which is helping me hang on i guess#but ughhhh once uni starts again in september i know everything is gonna fall apart.#i already got an extension on my thesis due to being a useless shell of a person who can't motivate themselves to do anything atm#but i was supposed to get some work done over the summer and have so far done nothing#hence why i want to kms before i have to talk to my fucking supervisors again and admit yet again that i simply cannot do this 😭#and it's not just this. my executive dysfunction has been so bad over the past couple of years and it's only getting worse#to the point where i can't imagine being able to work at all. and if i can't work i can't get out of my parents house#and then what the fuck is the point.#every time i see someone on here talking about bonding with their parents over dnp I'm like damn what's it like#to have parents who actually want to talk to you DSFGJJKL i know they let me live in their house at my big age#but that's only bc id literally be homeless otherwise and they're not like evil. they just don't love me#also went through a deeply embarrassing breakup recently#tl;dr ive been in love with this person for over a decade and i thought they were the dan to my phil or vice versa.#then after 10 years they left me and i'll spare the details but it has me wondering if they ever loved me#i thought it was a “let's live together and get a cat one day” relationship#but now i feel like for them. it was just a “sex and video games” type situation#i am trying soooo hard to at least be creative bc that makes me happy sometimes but it's hard to not be overly critical of myself#and now im getting to a point where i can barely even find any joy in this space any more. for a bunch of reasons#most of which revolve around me being extremely sensitive. and this is like my last bastion of dopamine so that fucking sucks#idk i don't see the point in my life any more. a social worker actually told me recently that i should consider euthanasia so.#it's just completely over for me i fear#this is not even mentioning all the damn migraines. and all the other ways in which my body simply doesn't work properly#sorry for this weird ass vent I'm not in therapy any more bc i couldn't find a therapist willing to treat me+all my diagnoses at this point#and im scared my friends will stop wanting to talk to me if i talk to them about this. several of them already have#the 2 friends i have left anyway. that's a whole other thing. when they said it's hard for autistic ppl to make friends i took that persona#so uh at this point it's vent here or develop a substance abuse problem. and im already halfway to having a substance abuse problem#anyway dan and phil for the love of god please fucking post something tonight. unfortunately you are my only hope
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dimiclaudeblaigan · 11 months
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Another reason why the whole "forced marriages" concept (that Rhea haters ate up like pie) is bullshit.
Speaking for Faerghus, since this seems to be an issue players point the finger at Faerghus for, it's just... not true? This NPC does understand there are political implications to his marriage, but he wasn't forced into it and neither was his wife. They married for love.
The only known case of an arranged marriage prospect within Faerghus' known cast is Ingrid, and that's something Ingrid has taken on for herself as well. She knows her lands struggle with crops and that her people go hungry. She's choosing to deal with a non-romantic marriage for her people.
But what about Glenn, you ask? There are two aspects to that:
The marriage was arranged when Ingrid was born, but it's worth noting the marriage was arranged between Gunnar and a childhood friend's son. She wasn't just being married off to just anyone. It was both a childhood friend (who Gunnar clearly had deep trust in)'s son, but also a family member of the royal family's right hand family. But what about the Houses paralogue, you ask? Gunnar wasn't aware of the man's crimes, but as soon as he found out he rejected the proposal. Gunnar cares about his daughter's happiness and wellbeing. The only reason they're searching for a marriage candidate is because Galatea lands desperately need the financial support.
Ingrid is the only case we know of where she's being "married off" (her endings rebuke this entirely anyway because she does end up marrying for love if paired with someone). Nobody else in Faerghus had a marriage forced or politically forced on them (and frankly I still fail to understand how the Church is supposedly at fault for concept of this being the case period anyway). Dimitri, the literal prince and at the time of birth immediate heir to the throne, was never forced to marry. Felix has never been pushed to marry. Sylvain has never been pushed to marry (despite how important it is that they continue that bloodline). Annette, a female, has never been pushed to marry.
In other words, the major political players have never put their kids into arranged marriage with a single exception of necessity for one family (Galatea), and in Rodrigue's case with Glenn, it was done with a childhood friend's lands' welfare in mind. Gunnar could have married Ingrid to anyone at any point, but the most important aspect of it is that when it was arranged without her say so (i.e. at her birth), it was done with the son of a man who Gunnar trusted implicitly.
After Glenn died, Ingrid was plenty old enough to have a say so in who she might be married to. Presumably the issue wasn't pushed on her for a while after Glenn died for emotional reasons, but once they tried again, Ingrid had a say in things. Her father sent her letters specifically for her input. No, she doesn't want to marry for political reasons, but she understands how much her lands need it. Still though, her father won't force her to marry some scumbag. If she tells him she won't marry someone, he accepts that.
In other words, the only argument that can be used for "forced marriages" falls flat on its face. It's not a regular practice in Faerghus. None of the heirs to specific territories are being married against their will. The only instance we know about isn't so extreme that Gunnar is just going for it and picking the best dowry without considering his daughter's happiness and health.
The one time it was decided before she was old enough to give her input, Gunnar didn't need to "consider" marriage prospects and be unsure who to pick, because it was planned between two old friends who trusted each other and presumably felt that their child would be safe with the other family in question.
My biggest problem with people saying this claim is supported is that for the most part, people just take Claude's words in GW at pure face value and assume it's absolute, definite truth when he gives nor has any evidence to back it up (mainly because he blames it on the Church, which still doesn't make sense because such things are out the Church's jurisdiction. No amount of "seeing what the world is like without Rhea" is going to change Faerghus' politics, so even if his claims were true, Claude would have to go talk to every single individual territory within Faerghus to realize the truth if he's that dead set on his view of this, as each territory does its own thing politically).
He brings it up like it's a fact in Faerghus, which as I've said before, he has literally no knowledge whatsoever about Faerghus, and it shows. He doesn't even know extremely basic things, such as the previous king literally dying in the middle of making friends with a foreign land. He knows that Lambert died in Duscur during the Tragedy, and that's... basically the extent of his knowledge and understanding about it. For some reason though in Hopes, he thinks he understands Faerghus as well as he understands Almyra.
It's also annoying because in Fodlan games, a character can just say something - literally anything at all - and it's eaten up immediately and taken at pure face value with no thoughts actually put into questioning its validity. And before anyone says "but Dimitri didn't argue this in Zaharas!" yeah, I'm aware, and I feel that was a huge reason why that chapter, trying to be the "we fight as allies this once" chapter, was a total flop, aside from other things (particularly in the SB/GW department with Dimitri and magically wanting to "talk things over" with someone who had just murdered one of his dearest friends mere hours ago tops in SB, or in GW where politics would demand more from him).
The games have a problem with trying to introduce false concepts through characters who don't know better (i.e. introducing incorrect perspectives that we're meant to understand are just perspectives and not the truth nor fact) but then not refuting those claims, despite the game itself as the story progresses outright denying those things, whether outright or passively (in the latter's case, again, other important political figures having no talks of marriage on the table at all).
In the screenshots, the NPC is aware that politics have to get involved with his marriage, but he wasn't forced to marry and neither was she. Not only does he mention it, but he wants people to know they married for love. He's basically saying he doesn't want people to misinterpret their reasons for marriage (wanting land, wealth, etc).
In Ingrid's case, it was started with that goal in mind, but it started out in safe hands. After that she always had a say in who she might marry, and ultimately didn't marry for political reasons. The one person who was possibly going to marry for political reasons in Faerghus and not out of love ends up not even doing that.
Honestly, in Claude's case, I feel like he was just written with no purpose in mind except to rock the boat unnecessarily, because everything he claims in regard to Faerghus is purely speculation on his part. He knows absolutely nothing about Faerghus (in both games, but his ignorance in Houses isn't malicious, whereas you could argue in Hopes he's attempting to overthrow what he believes are their systems when even if they were, it would still be none of his business) but talks like he's lived there or spoken to its people who make the decisions he claims are happening.
Also, the concept of Dimitri being forced to do this that and the other thing are just... not true? Dimitri is happy to be able to help others and make reforms for his lands. He likes that he's able to have the power to make good change and help people. He knows that you need a certain degree of power to be able to push things in a better direction and to have a voice. By having the most important voice, he can make other voices known that otherwise would not be. When people have no choice but to listen to the king, he can demand that other voices are heard.
Even in his A support with Shez, he believes his happiest moment will be when he dies after dedicating his life to "a peaceful kingdom full of joyous citizens". I get the whole "but he isn't living for himself!" side of things, but this part of this post is specifically about how Dimitri is supposedly "forced" into doing things because he's king; but plain and simple, he wants to be king because by having the highest power in his land, he can make positive change happen
"This bad thing is happening in the Kingdom!" Well now he can change that. He wants to change things in his land for the better, and he understands that his position is a necessity for that. That's why he's so upset when he's "rendered powerless by age" in Houses, i.e. can't ascend the throne yet. He wanted to make change and couldn't. He wanted to do right for the Kingdom, but he couldn't yet.
Basically what I'm saying is that people keep using Claude's Hopes rhetoric as "fact", but literally none of it is. It's all based on the most severe amount of ignorance in both games and him for some reason believing that he knows jack shit about Faerghus. That includes the marriage "issue", which while I'd say it may exist in Adrestia (ex. Bernadetta being planned to marry Ferdinand), does not exist in Faerghus as any sort of "issue".
I don't recall if it's really even present in Leicester? So either... Claude just pulled that argument out of his absolute ass, or he's seeing an issue in Leicester and for some reason assuming his country's politics are every country's politics, which is, again, total ignorance (and he makes no effort to ever found out if any of that is true).
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siren-of-agony · 8 months
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Imagination that doesn't really operate on a visual level means sometimes you forget very important attributes of your characters so this is a reminder to be aware of that
Sincerely, this dumbass who forgot that her characters have HORNS
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linagram · 2 months
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the tragic case of linagram 2 ships
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verdantdaises · 2 months
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Important question, do you write them as dogs or as people?
Good question!!! I deliberately leave it ambiguous bc I don’t really care what people picture in their heads like idc truly ahaha
Either way they have some fur and are dog men or are humans and have skin it doesn’t matter to me, I do mention skin a bit but people can interpret it however they want :))
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themyscirah · 4 months
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This is technically a Diana's age poll but I framed it partially around Julia's rescue because that's the event I need to contextualize and whether or not Diana is a thing yet is p important for my purposes. I would keep the Pérez run and postcrisis continuity in mind when answering this bc that's when this is relevant but I'd keep in mind that even though Diana is very young there (like early 20s) we don't know I don't think if she ages differently as a child (esp as a themysciran AND being made from clay) and in some versions she is older than she looks and was made earlier
Edit: I accidentally logic-ed this out in the tags lol 🤦‍♀️but feel free to still vote however you want. Going to publish this anyway bc I think I made some good points later in my tags
#blah#the 45 years is a guesstimation of julias age w her being in her late 40s#bc she has a middle school aged daughter which would make you lean a bit younger but shes also highly respected prof at harvard (is she the#dept head? i think so. and has a career that would suggest older. and shes also drawn middle aged so 🤷‍♀️#i would say late 40s early 50s for her honestly. but i moved it down a lil bit bc of vanessas age#wait shit i may have contradicted logic here bc wasnt the diana trevor stuff supposed to have happened before dianas birth. and that was#wwii. which would be btwn 42 and 45 years. BC PÉREZ!TREVOR IS OLD I FORGOT THAT#okay so actually there still could be a question of what happened first the timeline would just be much shorter#but then wouldnt julias family be boating during wwii? that makes no sense#im definitely thinkimg too hard about this probably. logically it would make the most sense if diana was like 20smth in reality. but thats#its own basket of worms honestly. like what do you mean hippolyta only had like 20 yrs w her daughter out of a lifespan of thousands of#years. what do you MEAN she became champion and ambassador so young like#like also thats the point though. she had to wear a mask in the challenge for a reason. her inexperience with men is what makes her the kind#of ambassador they need. and her youth and relation to hippolyta and role as the baby of the amazons is one of the things that makes her#ambassadorship SO important is bc she fulfills that role in an ancient sense. where it would be a sign of great trust and respect to send#someone close to the crown as an envoy bc it shows you mean business and arent going to reneg on whatever the deal is. bc if you do they#shoot the messenger#god anyways i very much answered my own question here in the tags like 100%. esp in regards to the pérez canon bc he very much laid this out#and i was trying to weasel my way out of it. only that didnt work and the decisions he made he made for a reason and they have huge#narrative importance. damn. okay then#i always write the shittiest posts and the best tags and then have to keep the post to keep the tags#i rlly need to make these tags posts ugh. anyways keeping this up bc of my tags abt diana and ambassadorship#also sidenote I LOVE HIPPOLYTA#just though id mention that. i love how much shes motivated by love and i also love when she makes fucked up decisions bc of that and has to#live with them. woman of all time FOR REALS#god this is making me want to reread historia again lol bc its the one ww comic i own. also its fire. and hippolyta gets to make shitty#decisions motivated by emotion and live w the consequences. and the comic is actually good unlike when that happened in the messner-loebs#run. which was the other instance of that ive read rlly. 10000% sure there are others but i havent fully gotten there yet.#i mean ive read other comics where she makes painful decisions thats like her whole deal but there are different vibes to those than the two#i mentioned. like the exile thing in ww year 1 or rlly anytime she has to send diana away
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orcelito · 2 months
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God I don't wanna go to therapy tomorrow. Sick of talking about my feelings in a clinical setting. I do enough psychoanalysis just by myself, and now I gotta sit through it with someone else??? Come on.
#speculation nation#i say as if i didnt submit myself to this and am not willingly paying for this to continue#idfk man ive always hated therapy. just kinda kept it going bcus i was so messed up about the whole grief shit#and i guess it's been maybe helpful. i dont know.#SHOULD i mention this tomorrow? i already know it's ass and entirely undeserved#if i did it'd mostly be another source to complain about it. theres really nothing anyone can say to make it better#bc it's bullshit and it already happened. and i already have the objective proof of yet another person losing interest in me.#... i dont know. i feel like it's inevitably going to come up. it's already taken up so much of my thoughts.#my every dream last night stemmed from it all. it was such a fitful night of sleep.#i can only pray that i dont dream about it tonight too. i want a fucking break from it all.#i hope she loses sleep from guilt. i hope she hurts every time she remembers what she did to me.#i hope she comes around tomorrow so she can see the face she kissed and she lied about loving#so she can remember im a person with feelings too. a person who opened up to her. a person who trusted her.#............ okay maybe i should talk about my blatantly vicious retaliatory remarks with my therapist.#i tried to reign it in but Bitch Mode definitely came out earlier today. when it was fresh. and i just wanted to make her Hurt.#i still want that honestly. i want her to truly regret doing this. to be filled with so much guilt for how she chose to do it.#i cant change her feelings. no matter how much i might want to. but i sure as hell can make her regret it.#i feel like im allowed a bit of petty bitchiness after this bullshit. but i also dont like the person i become like this.#anger issues. perhaps i should talk about my anger issues with my therapist.#easier than just rehashing the whole breakup. though i'll probably have to do that some too.#but better to have a goal for it. a direction to focus on. so that it's not just me complaining.#... it still wont be fun. and my ex mentioned coming round an hour after my therapy ends for dropping the shit off.#so Assuming she actually shows up (still not convinced she will after she flaked on me twice)#it's gonna be therapy and then seeing her right after. god it's gonna suck.#i'll try to do some homework maybe. and then maybe see if anyone wants to hang out later tomorrow.#my friends r the real ones. hanging out with me for 7 hours... they traded off between them but still#for 7 hours i was not alone. and that was very nice of them to do.#good things. positives! focusing on the positives. i am a healthy person with a healthy outlook on life. smiles.
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piplupod · 2 months
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mistakes were made. should not have gone to library today. i will be leaving the house all five days of the week now (plus we went to a waterside on sunday for several hours) and uhm... i feel like i need to go hibernate for several weeks to feel even remotely okay again fhdkdl i am so tired i can barely think enough to string words together in any comprehendable way 🧍<- upset
#oohoohoo the self destructive ''well maybe I'll just push myself bc im going to be tired either way'' sure was a bad choice!#''lol who cares anymore im sick of being fatigued and im probably just making it up'' you are a fucking idiot god bless your soul#and yet.... the urge to Make It Worse is still so strong.... gee i sure do love p.mdd!#honest to god im so fucking frustrated w this brain lately#been trying to hide any sharps away from myself because I've just been so wildly careening into self destructive tendencies#and im sick of trying to like. control myself. i am my own keeper and im fucking sick of it gjfkdl#im trying so fucking hard to hold it together and keep myself on the right path but im really just incredibly tired#it feels like im trying to wrestle a knife out of a toddler's hand#and then the toddler cries and tantrums bc they wanted the knife#and i have nothing to give them to distract them. except im also the toddler.#idk how long i can keep this up for bc im ALSO managing other ppls emotions and baggage and shit at the centre#and over text. mainly that one person who i wish would just fucking leave me alone#but her grandma is literally on her deathbed so I can't rly try learning how to be firm rn#bc if i try to be firm i worry i will end up being a dick and i dont want to do that while she's struggling w pre-emptive grief#i don't know !!! im just so goddamn exhausted and struggling#and the world seems very cruel and terrifying and im honestly convinced im never going to find a way to exist peacefully in it#like im always going to be scared and struggle to trust ppl and struggle to socialize and feel safe anywhere#im going to be so honest. i wish i had One friend irl fhfkdl like. i think that would help a lot of my issues#to have someone i care about and respect and who actually cares about AND respects me back#and who i could just. be around. exist in the same vicinity. and not feel so scared and unsafe#a bit of a break from those constant feelings while not being isolated#who i could do activities with ???#thats actually so hard for me to imagine ever having ffhdjlsl its been so many years since I've had any semblance of that#it doesn't feel like im ever going to have that again :') it feels so impossible. pipe dream. unrealistic and unattainable#okay i need to shut up fhdksl sorry for being so insane on here every day jfc#one of these days i hope i will be genuinely stable for like... longer than a day fhfkdl#pippen needs 2nd breakfast#self harm mention
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reanimatedgh0ul · 1 year
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i think it'd be interesting if there was a fic premise that involved phantom going to valerie's apartment (bc he knows where she lives bc of life lessons) to apologize to her for exposing her identity to damon bc while danny did this to ultimately keep her out of harm's way it still wasn't right for him to do
meanwhile valerie isn't interested in what he has to say bc she's grounded from ghost hunting bc of him and to her it doesn't matter that town has now decided to go from hating him to loving him all of sudden bc he ultimately saved them but she's ultimately believes he's putting up a front
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inkedmyths · 1 year
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(drags hand down face) When there's Christian proselytizing blazed on the dash...
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chickie-birdies · 1 year
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Hello, it's been a while!
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Today I accidentally acquired two baby Wyandottes
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