#have her braces too cause this version looked weird without them

[knockknockwhosthereartistism]

The Villains turned good squad

[queen-of-hellfire666]

The accident

So I had people ask for an Eddie version of Jealously but I’m gonna make it different.

I smile getting in getting into the passenger side of my car. “So D&D tonight I was thinking my level 10 wood Elf can finally use her secondary weapons?” Eddie Looks at me as he drives. “Dude that’s awesome!” He pays attention to the road again. I let Eddie drive.

“For sure!” I laugh softly. “What the hell is that?” He asks watching as a creature is standing in the road unintelligible. “Eddie!” I squeak.

My car is tossed on its side rolling multiple times in a row coming to a stop when smashed into a tree.

I groan softly. “Eddie.” I whisper. I turn to see Eddie with blood all over him, he looks dead. “EDDIE!” I scream grabbing his shoulder causing him to groan. “Oh god, your alive..” I whisper in relief.

He turns to look at me on Horror. “Baby, are you okay?” He asks calmly. “I think so?” I feel around to feel a substance leaking from my head. “Fuck.” I whisper.

I start smelling smoke. “Eddie we need to get out now!” I try to get my seatbelt off, Eddie already did trying to smash the front window out.

“Baby I can’t get it off.” He hands me his knife and I cut it quickly helping him. I bust it out just as the car sets fire. “Go Eddie go!” He gets out quick trying to grab me. “Come on baby!” He grabs me and runs with me.

I hear the explosion and brace for impact but I don’t feel it. I then realize Eddie is holding me as we fall and takes all impact.

“You okay?” He asks holding me head. I nod. I look at my car almost in tears. “Piece of shit! Tried to kill my boyfriend!” He looks confused. “Baby-“ I grunt throwing a rock at the burning car. “Fuck you!” He laughs softly before walking with me to keep me steady.

We hear sirens as we stop and look back. “You okay?” He asks me softly. “Yeah. We got a D&D game to get to so let them check us out so we can go.” He laughs at my eagerness.

“We’re going home if we are okay.” He watches my reaction. “Whatever. But you better have that good weed.” I mumble.

“What the hell was in the road though?” He asks looking around. “So you seen that too?” I look up at him. “Yeah.”

“Damn I wasn’t high… but whatever it was it made us wreck.” I walk to the ambulance with him. “I know. Weird.”

“Alright let’s get you checked out. Who first.” I push Eddie lightly. “Him.” I smile. “No, y/n first.” He pushes me lightly. “But I-“ I start to argue. “But Nothing.”

I sigh sitting in the back as they check me. “A few stitches but we can do them here, you’ll be sore and you have some bruises.” I smile. “Now Eddie!”

I pull him in the back with me. “Looks like he will be okay. He will need stitches in a few more places, some on his arm and his head.” I get my stitches and let Eddie get his.

“Hopper.” I walk up to the friendly face. “Your gonna think I’m crazy.” I whisper. “What?” He watches my expression. “We weren’t high something made this happen.. it looked like it had a bunch of arms and it was weird.” His eyes widen.

“Y/n, go home.” I nod softly. “Eddie seen it too.” He nods before walking toward the extinguished car. “Hopper, we can’t drive my car.” I whisper sheepishly. “Yeah, hop in.”

-

At Eddie’s I lay on his bed ready to pass out from sleep any moment. “Come ‘ere.” He whispers pulling a blanket over us and holding me. “I’m sorry I crashed your car.” He whispers. “Not your fault. It was weird creepy guys fault.”

I snuggle closer. “The only good thing is your safe and happy. Also alive cuz I can’t live without my rockstar. His heart skips a beat.

“Your rockstar?” He whispers. I nod laying my head on his chest. “The one and truly.” I reach up and kiss him softly. “Goodnight Princess.” He whispers turning off the lamp.

“Goodnight rockstar.”

[songofsaraneth]

Ok now that I have time/space to breathe again, I wanted to do a writeup on the unusual reaction I had to the second Covid vaccine dose. I debated posting this, because I don't want to go against the "I was vaccinated and it's fine!" encouragement train. And I 1000% encourage EVERYONE to get vaccinated if possible. But I have not seen much documentation of the averse symptom I got, except in some case studies I specifically looked up so details below. Big TMI/gross warning however. 

Mostly I'm posting this because I had to do SO much self-advocating/arguing with the Dr at my urgent care clinic, and if you're not as read up on weird medical issues as I am, you might not be comfortable doing that. But IANAD, just describing my experience and what I read, which ended up being very long because it was awful and I have a lot to complain about I guess, sorry.

Basically: for me the vaccine triggered an inflammation response, which in itself is normal. The usual muscle aches/joint pain/slight fever. It also triggered an outbreak of ulcers in my soft tissues. Basically, a bunch of canker sores in my mouth/throat. I am already prone to getting these when I get sick or stressed out, so no biggie, annoying and painful but I could handle them. Canker sores are distinct from cold sores in that they form inside the mouth as crater spots, usually around the size of a pencil eraser (though can be bigger or smaller), and will develop a white film across the crater as they develop and start to heal.

An unfortunate fact I have learned: the mouth is not the only exposed “soft tissue” of the body. this group also includes genitals.

So 2 days after the vaccine I noticed a "burning sensation"/rawness downstairs, which turned into a sharp pain, especially when going to the bathroom. I obviously knew this was abnormal and because of what was happening in my mouth, had a pretty firm idea of what was happening, but was ready to brace myself through the healing process. However by day 5 I had 8 red, crater-like sores on the tissue of my vulva. Essentially they are open wounds, and urine is an acid, so you can imagine the hell that using the bathroom had become. Even just sitting hurt.

As someone healthcare-averse, even I knew this was untenable, and went to Urgent Care for the first time in my adult life. I told the NP what was going on, how they matched the canker sores (NOT cold sores) in my mouth in onset/form--and she immediately, without even looking, diagnosed me with herpes.

Lots of people have herpes or other STIs, and that's fine. I know I do not have any, and wanted to pursue treatment for what I was sure they were--Non-sexually acquired genital ulceration (NSGU). I had even found three case studies of COVID patients who had developed them. I had spent several harrowing hours on google images making sure that the sores I had did not match any STI I may have magically acquired during a year of social distancing. I even brought up multiple case studies, including a woman who had them as a Covid reaction in a neighboring state. Didn’t matter. She looked at them and went “Yikes! Herpes!” and prescribed me: 

1) an antiviral, which I said I did not think would do anything because the trigger for this was a vaccine not an illness. She said it was probably a herpes flare up already in my system. I reiterated that I have had similar sores in my mouth since childhood and that all my past doctors and dentists agreed it was not viral but something related to an immune response. She said the antivirals should clear them up in a few days.

2) a topical 5% lidocaine ointment, aka an oral grade numbing gel, which was essentially what I was after anyway.

I would have preferred a steroid course to the antiviral, but agreed to start taking them until she got the results of the bloodwork I needed to come in the next day for. I asked how many days after taking them I would expect to see a difference/if she would reevaluate treatment if they didn’t have an effect in a certain amount of time, and she said if they hadn’t cleared up by Monday then she’d look into other causes (spoiler, they did nothing in that 4 day span). to her credit, when she saw me pick up my bike helmet (because my car had been at the mechanic for a month by then), she was properly horrified that i was having to bike everywhere with this situation and printed off some coupons/called all the prescriptions into the grocery store pharmacy next door instead of the CVS my insurance likes a mile away.

So eventually I got home and took my pill & went to put on the ointment so I could use the bathroom for the first time in 8 hours. I’ll spare you the details but suffice to say I had an extremely, overwhelmingly painful 10 minutes of application. Like absolutely awful burning feeling. However once that faded, I was indeed actually numb, and so I figured it was worth it. Got my bloodwork done on Friday (biking there & home again). On Saturday, I thought that you know, maybe a prescription anesthetic shouldn’t be doing that or at least have some sort of warning? And read the details on the jar.

Good things about lidocaine: it is a powerful numbing agent and lasts pretty well for an hour or two.

Bad things about lidocaine: you cannot get oral grade lidocaine without added mint flavoring.

I happen to be EXTREMELY sensitive to mint. Like I still can’t handle breath mints or mouthwash, and used bubblegum flavored toothpaste until I was 14 and found a brand with half as much mint flavoring as is typical. Even if you’re not, mint has no business being anywhere near genital tissue. Even on an average person that could cause awful burning. to make a long saga shorter I had a very frustrating back-and-forth with urgent care involving many rerouted phone trees, visit in person, unhelpful receptionists, and attempts to find over-the-counter alternatives. All were fruitless so I just  suffered all weekend until the urgent care Nurse Practitioner called me back on Monday and was suitably apologetic/outraged about the mint thing, and looked up every OTC product that might work as a substitute, since she couldn’t find any prescription level without mint. On Tuesday she called back again having found this:

It’s 4%, so just below prescription strength, while not oral grade, it’s actually fine for soft tissues as long as not fully ingested/internally applied. And most importantly, ABSOLUTELY NO ADDED FLAVORINGS. there is also a spray version that comes in a bottle, which under no circumstances should you try because it uses alcohol as a propellant and I had a very bad 5 minutes after testing that one. But the cream one is fine and brings blessed numbness in around 5 minutes with only minimal contact pain--they are still open wounds after all. 

I use this for the next 7 days. By this point the sores have gotten worse and larger, and then started to heal and shrink again. Mouth canker sores go through a similar ~2 week process, so this is about what I expected.

Finally the results of my bloodwork came back, and I was negative for all STIs. The NP was dumbfounded and apologized, and agreed to look up more information/treatment options for cases like this in the future. I’m not surprised her reaction was to assume herpes as it IS very common, but I’m sure other women experience NSGU’s and receive improper treatment. If you look them up, they’re even mentioned as being predominantly a problem for “young or prepubescent women” which, reading between the lines--it’s not that these become less likely if you’re older or sexually active. Doctors just make assumptions and don’t always look past the easy answers.

So if you or someone you know ends up with these--from the Covid vaccine or as a complication of upper respiratory infections in general (as they ARE an immune response and can just Happen to you)--here is what works as treatment. If you can see a doctor you trust, still do that. But if they don’t listen or if for some reason you can’t seek treatment, here is the course of action I recommend: 

Pick up that over-the-counter Pain Relief+Lidocaine NON MINTY numbing cream ASAP. Sores go from “annoying” to “excruciating” in only 3 days, so it’s best to get in person or with rush shipping. Sit in front of a mirror and gently apply with a q-tip, and wait 5 minutes for the medicine to take effect.

Pat gently dry with toilet paper, don’t make wiping motions. If you don’t feel clean enough, pat more with a wet washcloth and rinse it out, or hope in the shoer for 5 min just to rinse.

There may be pus or reside from the ointment that doesn’t go away with just rinsing. Every 2 days I made a half-strength bath of epsom salts, NUMBED FULLY, and then took a 10 minute bath to fully cleanse the area. the salt will sting terribly if you wait any longer, so I recommend standing and rinsing after this time.

The vulva is more exposed to air than the mouth. this may cause the sores to crack/bleed as they dry out. to avoid this, after using the restroom and cleaning yourself, you can apply a thick coating of Aquaphor on top of the sores. It will need to be rinsed off before you apply more numbing cream however, so if that is too many steps I recommend just using the Aquaphor overnight.

You may think its ok to get up in the middle of the night to pee without the numbing cream bc you have to go really bad and just once will be fine but it is NOT you will REGRET IT.

Unfortunately if you have sores on both sides you may develop what is known as “kissing sores”, aka sores directly opposite each other that touch when the area is not spread open. this means that after an extended period of time (overnight), the sores will try to heal into each other and opening the area back up painfully rips the tissue apart. INStEAD of ripping them apart, take a washclosh, run it under warm water, and do a hot/warm compress on the area. this will loosen the sores back up and separate them painlessly.

This is not exclusive to people with a vulva, they can also happen on scrotal/anal tissue. However it does seem to much more frequently affect people with typical XX sex organs. 

If you develop these, PLEASE fill out an averse reaction form or your country’s equivalent. Also, I’m so sorry and if you need emotional support or have questions please feel free to get in touch.

Most likely, these will not happen to you--the vast majority of vaccinated people have not had this as a side effect. But it IS popping up more and more, and it is good to know about it in advance so you can be prepared to deal with and treat it without as much anxiety and all the hoops I had to jump through to get good care. Overall I’m still glad to be vaccinated, but if I had known this was a side effect, as someone already prone to canker sores I would have waited to vaccinate until my car was fixed a week later a the very least :|

[dp-marvel94]

Face to Face- Chapter 32

Summary: When Danny went through the ghost catcher, he expected to be cured of the ghostliness that had haunted him since the accident, not to wake up on the lab floor with his parents saying he’d been overshadowed but everything’s back to normal now. But why does Danny Fenton cry himself to sleep to then dream of flying? Why does Phantom, the ghost who was supposedly possessing Danny remember a life that wasn’t his? Most of all, why do both the human and the ghost feel that something vital is missing, in their very soul? Or: Trying to cure himself of his powers one month after the accident, Danny accidentally splits himself but neither his ghost nor his human half know that that is what they did

First -> Last -> Next

Word Count: 6,098

Also on AO3 and Fanfiction.net

Note:What is this?! Another Face to Face update. I'm still struggling through my first phic phight story and hoping some comments on this will encourage me. Thanks for reading as always!

Phantom stayed still for a long moment, looking out over the Ghost Zone. He took a deep breath and  watched the floating rocks, the swirling clouds, and the purple doors. He braced himself and slowly floated to his feet. He needed to head out there. Tentatively, he reached out with his mind and plucked at the line. Like Fenton said, it was there, the link between him and his other half. And….a moment later, he received a tug in kind. His confidence grew. Yes, he could do this. He could find his way home.

With that, the ghost flew. He carefully followed the line, over islands and past doors. He slipped between rocks and paused, looking upward to what looked like a river suspended in mid-air and flowing downward. Phantom’s eyes widened in awe at the sight but he kept going. All the while, he looked around with keen attention. It wouldn’t do, to be attacked by another ghost again. Luckily, he didn’t see or sense anything large or notable. Instead, his brow wrinkled as he flew past a small group of what looked like globs of ectoplasm with eyes. One of the little ghosts (at least he thought they were ghosts) looked at Danny. It blinked slowly before letting out a chirp and darting away with the others. 

Phantom watched for a moment as the small creatures flew away. Then He sloped downward, below a tree covered island. He gaped at the sight. Trees?! There were actually trees here, even though there didn’t appear to be any sun, moon, or stars. So...wait...where did the light come from? And were those the ghosts of dead trees or-

The ghost shook his head, clearing the questions about his surroundings from his mind. It really was incredible being here, even if the circumstances were...not so great. He might just have to come back, after everything was sorted...assuming that things could be fixed with Mom. The boy bit his lip. He couldn’t worry about that, not right now. 

“Focus, Phantom.” He chided himself. He had to follow the line, get back to the real world.

The ghost boy’s brow then furrowed, eyes falling on something in the distance. A rectangular shape. White, standing out in stark contrast against the green atmosphere. And…. he tugged the line again….the way home was in that direction.

Less than five minutes later, the object became clear in his view. “It’s...Casper High?” Phantom muttered.

There in front of him was a black and white version of the school, complete with the American flag and the name plastered above the door in big letters. It was strange, bizarre. Why would there be a version of his high school in the ghost zone? And….he frowned, feeling his tether. Why did the path he was following back to Fenton lead him here? Phantom furrowed his brow. He hadn’t come this way before; he would have remembered seeing this weird building. But…. yep, the line was leading him here and...he could feel he was really close.

The ghost straightened, bracing himself. Cautiously but with forced confidence, he floated up to the doors and slowly pushed them open to find…. an empty hallway, identical to the front hall at Casper, even if it was in monochrome.

“Hello?” He called quietly as he crossed the threshold.

No reply came as Phantom continued onward. His core pulsed nervously at the silence of the eerily familiar space. It was strange, seeing it so empty and quiet. And it was fittingly haunting for a ghostly double of his school. But why was this here? Why did it look like Casper High? And why was it in black and white?

The ghost boy swallowed, pushing the questions away and floating down the hallways. He looked side to side, watching for any movement. His ghost sense hadn’t gone off, but being in an enclosed space was making him anxious. But at the same time….he was so close to….something. Something that would lead him home. But what?

Suddenly, the doors he’d come through slammed shut, earning a gasp from Phantom. “Who’s...who’s there?”

Something flickered at the edge of his vision. Head jerking to the side, he turned to find...nothing. The boy frowned, opening his mouth to call out. Then there was a bang behind him. Startled, Phantom wiped back around to find locker doors banging open and closed on their own.

“I don’t want any trouble.” The ghost boy started, voice wavering with fear.

Again, something flickered beside him. There was a staticy laugh. Phantom turned again and…. His heart would have skipped a beat, if it was in his chest. There was a monochrome teenager, a buff looking guy with slicked back hair and a leather jacket. He reminded Ghost Danny uncanningly of Dash. The figure opened his mouth, static exiting. Then he pushed the ghost boy. 

Phantom stumbled, letting out a surprised cry as his back hit something solid. He turned, looking up at a scowling girl in a poodle shirt. She turned up her nose, pushing the ghost boy away. “Wait! Stop!” His eyes widened as he fell forward again, this time hitting another jock. “I don’t wanna fight!” The other teen, in a letterman, grabbed Phantom’s arm and shoved him to the floor.

The ghost boy hit the ground with a start, the impact knocking the air from his only semi-illusionary lungs. He rolled onto his back, paling at what was around him. A crowd of black-and-white teenagers, all wearing retro clothing, maybe from the fifties? They towered over him, scowling and jeering down at him. 

“Stop! Please!” Phantom covered his ears, wincing in pain at the sound. It was static, hundreds of voices speaking over each other. And they were laughing, mocking. It was years of insults. Freak, coward, geek, nerd, weak, worthless, dead, wrong, unnatural, monster. 

The ghost boy curled in on himself. “Please! I’m lost...I’m sorry I…” 

Don’t belong here...Don’t belong. Invader. 

“I don’t….” 

Trespasser. Invader. Leave! Leave, freak! 

“I… I know I’m not supposed to be here. I’m lost..I…” 

Leave! Dead! Go! The voices hissed. Don’t belong, monster! 

“Please! Stop!” Phantom begged.

The words pressed down on him and his chest heaved with panic. He whimpered as the volume rose, growing into a roar. Phantom bit back a cry as he pressed his hands to his ears, like he could block out the noise, keep out the words. He wanted to move, like the voices were demanding but he couldn’t, too frozen in fear. Instead he sobbed. “I just wanna go home.”

“Enough!” A single voice shouted. There was a whirl, a sound like gall forces winds. And then silence.  “You can’t just barge into someone’s lair!”

“I...I..I’m sorry.” Phantom fixed his head down, whole body shaking. “I just...I got lost and was trying to get home but I ended up here ‘cause-” His words cut off as his ghost sense billowed out of his mouth and he coughed.

The ghost boy paled, looking cross eyed at the mist. He slowly looked up, eyes falling on the speaker. Like the other teens, he was monochrome but looked like a stereotypical nerd, with coke bottle glasses, a bowler haircut, a polo, and a bowtie. He fit the same fifties aesthetic yet somehow...there was something different about him compared to the other. He was more vivid, more solid than the others, almost like…. 

“Are you gonna say anything buster?” The crowd around them was still and silent even as the nerd floated half a foot closer, his fists balled.

“Yeah..Umm...Sorry, I..” Phantom stuttered. His eyes then widened as his ghost sense billowed out of his mouth again. That had only happened once this singular figure showed up, not before and not by the others. The others that had stopped when the nerd told them too. “You’re a ghost.” Ghost Danny whispered, meeting the glasses-covered eyes.

The other ghost scowled. “You don’t say.”

Phantom averted his eyes again, blushing. “No...sorry...I..I mean..you’re not...you’re not like…whatever these are.” The ghost boy motioned to the crowd around them, shivering. “You’re an actual ghost.” He whispered the last part, before glancing up, at the other, now confused looking ghost. 

The other ghost’s brow furrowed behind his glasses. He raised his hand, making Phantom flinch. But instead of swinging his arm to punch or lighting his fist with ectoenergy like Ghost Danny expected, the nerd snapped his fingers and commanded. “Leave us.” 

With that, the teenagers around the ghost boy seemed to flicker, their outlines wavering. Without any movement, the crowd disappeared, leaving Phantom and the other ghost alone. The nerd lowered his arm, his fist relaxing.

That did little to comfort Phantom. His pulse pounded in his head as he wrung his hands. “So...okay...we’re alone now. And...you said this was your lair? I...uh...don’t know what that means but...I can leave...I can leave now since those guys didn’t seem to want me here-”

“Sorry about that.” The quiet words interrupted the ramble. 

“What?” Phantom blinked, looking up at the other ghost.

The nerd didn’t look angry anymore but instead almost….bashful, holding his hand out. “My shadows got out of hand. They aren’t supposed to be that cruel.”

The ghost boy just gapped, looking between the offered hand and the other ghost’s face. His mind raced, wondering what was going on. What was with the sudden change in attitude? He bit his lip. The other ghost wasn’t attacking him or...using those not-ghosts (he called them shadows?) to attack him. Maybe that apology was authentic. 

Phantom took a deep breath and chose to be brave. Tentatively, he took the offered hand and allowed the other ghost to pull him up.

Then there was silence. The ghost Danny shifted nervously in the air as he studied the other ghost. And the other ghost studied him, his expression curious yet vaguely sad.

Phantom finally coughed, pointing back the way he came. “I’ll just...I’ll leave now. Sorry again for barraging in. And uh…bye.” Slowly, he floated backward, keeping one eye on the other ghost.

“Wait.” The nerd reached forward. “You’re new, aren’t ya?” The ghost boy stopped, turning more fully towards the other ghost as he continued. “You haven’t been a ghost for a long time.”

Phantom’s eyes widened, his mouth opening and closing. “Um..uhh...yeah… I haven’t been...like this very long.” He swallowed. “How did you...how did you know?”

The other ghost’s expression softened. “You’re still trying to breath.” At the words, Phantom reflectively stopped, holding his breath with wide eyes. “It’s alright. That’s a tough habit to break.” The other ghost held out of hand, as if to shake. “I’m Sidney Pointdexter, by the way.”

The other ghost blinked at the hand. After a long pause, he grasped it. “I’m Danny….Danny Phantom.”

“Phantom.” The nerd nodded. “So you already picked a name.”

“Yeah?” So apparently, that was a thing? Phantom rubbed the back of his neck. “You can call me Danny though.” 

“Danny.” The other ghost half-smile. “You can call me Sidney then.” Sidney’s expression then turned more serious. “Obviously you didn’t know but... if you want to go inside someone’s lair, you need to announce yourself and ask permission to enter.”

“Oh, okay. Sorry” Phantom blushed. “I’ll...I’ll do that next time.”

“Good.” Sidney crossed his arms. “You’re lucky you barged in on me, mister. If it’d been Skulker, he would have skinned you.”

The ghost boy swallowed, suddenly anxious. His eyes bulged. “Really?!”

The other ghost nodded. “That hunter can be very possessive and mean.” Sidney then scowled. “But I’d never do that. I’m not a bully.” The other ghost then shook his head. “Anyway...why did you come here?”

Phantom’s core pulsed awkwardly at the question. “I..uh…” It wasn’t said with any anger or accusation, but innocently curious. But still, the ghost boy struggled to explain why he’d come inside. The line connecting him to his other self had led here but...how could he explain that? He swallowed. “This looks like my school, Casper High.”

Sidney blinked, eyes widening. “You went to Casper?” The corner of his lip turned up.

“Yeah.” The ghost boy bit his lip, not knowing what to say. Instead, he turned towards the door and pointed. “Yeah...thanks for the advice but...I should go so…”

“You don’t have to yet.” The other ghost’s eyes were slightly pleading. “Why don’t you rest for a bit? And I get you something to eat and drink? You look like you need it.”

Phantom blinked. “Ghosts eat?”

Sidney frowned, slightly alarmed. “Yes? Come on.” He grabbed the other boy’s arm. “That’s it. I’m making you some tea and a sandwich. I think I still have some cookies too.”

The ghost boy didn’t resist, instead gawking as the other ghost pulled him down the hallway and towards the cafeteria. His mind sputtered, trying to overcome the emotional whiplash. Seconds later, the pair floated in the cafeteria’s kitchen. Sidney grabbed a tea kettle off the stove, filled it with what looked like water from the sink, and placed it on the burner. Then he opened the fridge and pulled out what looked like slices of cheese and luncheon meat.

Phantom just stared in disbelief. Sidney turned back towards him. “I have some tiger fruit too. I grow it in the courtyard. Do you want to try some?” He held up a round, stripped fruit, the orange and black standing out in bright contrast to the monochrome environment.

The ghost boy wrinkled his nose. “What is it?”

Sidney looked down at the fruit. “It kind of tastes like an apple. It’s native to the Infinite Realms though. I don’t think it has a Material World counterpart.” He smiled. “It’s really delicious.”

“Alright?” Phantom shook his head. There was a lot of information there. Then he shrugged. “Sure.”

The other ghost nodded, quickly preparing a plate and two cups of tea. He turned back to ghost Danny. “Let’s sit in the cafeteria.”

Without question, Phantom followed. Nervously tapping his hand on his leg, he sat down and took the steaming cup offered to him. The ghost blinked, studying the liquid. It actually felt warm in his hands. He moved the cup, closing watching the liquid sloshing in the cup like water. It did actually look like tea. Tentatively, Phantom looked up, glancing at the other ghost who was sitting across from him. Sidney was blowing his own cup before taking a small sip. 

It was only then that where he was and what he was doing actually hit the boy. He was sitting in a ghostly version of his school cafeteria, with the ghost of a teenage boy who died in the fifties, based on his appearance. Phantom looked down at his plate again. And there was weird, slightly glowing ghost-food in front of him. 

Sidney’s words drew his attention. “Go ahead. Try the tea. It’s not poison” The nerd half smiled at Danny with a nod. 

Phantom looked down at his cup again, doubtfully. His stomach flopped as he considered. He was wary of trying the beverage. What actually was it? It couldn’t be actually tea, like his sister liked to drink. Could it hurt him? Weren’t there myths or something about how if you eat something in the land of the dead you can’t leave? Or was that fairies? Or...wait...did that only apply to humans? He wasn’t exactly human right now; he was a ghost. And this was food meant for ghosts. And….

“It won’t hurt you. And it’s good. I promise you’ll love it.” The other ghost encouraged patiently.

Phantom picked up the cup, again noticing the comforting warmth. It was still softly billowing steam. And it smelled so good, sweet and citrusy. Tentatively, he blew on the cup to cool it. He really did want to try it. Ignoring his doubts, ghost Danny finally took a small sip.

Phantom blinked rapidly, taking another sip. “I can taste this.” He muttered numbly before taking another sip of the fresh, lemony liquid. 

Excitement grew at the realization. He then looked down at his sandwich. Putting the cup down, he took a small bit. The savory taste of bread, cheese, ham. He took a larger bit. “I can taste this!”

“Of course you can.” Across from him, Sidney said in disbelief.

Phantom looked up, talking through his full mouth. “No I...I haven’t eaten in weeks.” He swallowed. “I mean...I tried but I couldn’t taste anything so I gave up.”

“Gave… up?” The other ghost blinked.

“Yeah. But-” Phantom stuffed a cookie in his mouth, groaning in pleasure at the taste. “But how?”

“How?” Sidney held out his hands. “It’s just lair made food.”

“Lair made?”

“Yeah, as in the lair made it?” The other ghost’s mouth fell open at the lack of recognition. “The lair basically took free ectoplasm and shaped it into food that we can eat.”

Phantom dropped the sandwich. “Ectoplasm?”

“Yes. Everything here is made of ectoplasm, even us.” Sidney answered like it was obvious. “Why wouldn’t the food be?”

At that, the ghost boy looked down at the meal with new realization. “That makes sense.”

The ghostly nerd nodded. “Yes. How don’t you know that? And why couldn’t you taste anything earlier?” His brow furrowed in deep confusion. “You said you tried food. But….you didn’t know that ghosts can eat….or need to eat?”

Phantom picked up the sandwich again, taking a few more bits to finish it. His mind whirled. “We need to eat? But we’re dead so….” He took another cookie, smiling at the taste.

Sidney gapped. “Of course we need to eat! Haven’t you been hungry?”

“Hungry?” Phantom put a hand over his stomach. No, he hadn’t been hungry in that way but...he moved his hand over his core. He’d gotten tired from overusing his powers and...he’d felt the Zone calling to him, like...like he needed to go to it for nourishment. “I have been.” He whispered. 

“But you hadn’t realized?” The nerd face palmed. “No wonder you look so sickly.”

The other ghost looked up, mouth falling open. “What?”

“You’re barely glowing. And you’re so pale. They’re no color in your skin.”

Phantom pointed. “You’re likely in black and white?!”

Sidney raised a brow, motioning down his body. “This is an intentional aesthetic.” His image wavered briefly, before the other ghost was in full color. His skin was a pale green and his eyes a glowing silver. 

“Oh.” The ghost boy muttered.

“Yes.” The other boy nodded, motioning to the plate. “Go ahead and finish. You’re lookin’ better already.”

Phantom didn’t need to be told twice. He finished the sandwich and the cookies.

Sidney crossed his arms. “I don’t understand how you didn’t realize. You should have at least been passively absorbing ectoplasm through your skin.” So apparently, that was something else ghosts could do. 

The ghost boy shrugged, taking a bite of the fruit. He paused, staring down at it. “This is really good.”

The other ghost smiled. “Isn’t it? I can give you some seeds. The bushes grow very well in lairs, if you want to plant some.” He tapped his chin. “Is your lair near here? You were trying to get back there, right? You did say that you were lost earlier.”

“I did say I was lost.” Phantom said, swallowing a bit of his tiger fruit. He then bit his lip nervously. “But...I’m not trying to get back to my….lair? I don’t have one of those, I don’t think…..Not that I’m that clear on what exactly a lair is.”

Sidney again furrowed his brow, looking bewildered. “This is a lair.” He motioned around them.

“No, I get that.” Phantom sighed. “But...what is this? Why does it look like a high school? Where did that food come from? And those people...you called them, shadows? What are those?” The other ghost was still looking at him in confusion as an idea suddenly hit the ghost Danny. “Wait...is this like your house? Like you live here. Or...err...I guess that’s not the right word. Afterlive?” His speech quickened. “If it is, I’m so sorry for barging into your house. I get why you’d be mad about that but I swear I didn’t mean-”

“Danny.” The other ghost said pointedly, making Phantom’s mouth snap shut. “It’s fine. I understand. Just…” Sidney pinched the bridge of his nose. “Let me explain?”

Phantom nodded, blushing in embarrassment.

“A lair is like a ghost’s house but...It’s more personalized. It might reflect somewhere from your life or a place you’ve always wanted to see. It’s different for every ghost but based on your subconscious desires and your obsession.”

“Alright.” The ghost boy glanced around. “So this is your school from when you were alive. But still...who were those people that...attacked me?”

“Those weren’t people. They were shadows. They’re part of the lair.”

“So you do control them.”

“Somewhat?” Sidney waved his hand in a so-so motion. “As I said, your subconscious is what molds the lair.” He balled his fists. “So those shadows are reflections of people, bullies, I knew when I was alive.”

Phantom bit his lip, nervous at the anger in the statement. And he wondered. Obviously the shadows were something of a security system. But there must be more as well. There was the anger that the other ghost had shown twice now when talking about bullies. And what was that he said about obsessions having a role?

“Alright, okay.” Ghost Danny bit his lip. “But...what about your obsession? How does that-”

“Don’t.” Sidney suddenly snapped, his eyes flashing. “Never, ever ask another ghost about their obsession.”

Phantom shrunk in on himself, his shoulders falling. “Sorry.”

The other ghost’s expression softened. “You didn’t know. It’s okay. But...that’s personal to me. I don’t like to think about it, much less talk about it to someone I just met. So...don’t ask unless someone brings it up first, okay? Other ghosts aren’t as nice as me. If you asked Ember, she would fry you.”

“Okay.” The ghost boy paled, nodding furiously. 

Sidney also nodded, taking a sip of his tea. Phantom finished his fruit, while his mind struggled to process all he’d learned. About how ghosts had to eat and about ghostly food. About lairs and shadows and not asking about obsessions. It was a lot, and there were so many more questions he could ask. But he had no idea what to ask now. 

And again, the reality hit Phantom. He was sitting in a ghost’s lair, having a genial conversation like he was just a new neighbor. Not one half of a human-ghost hybrid who was trying to get back to his other half in the real world. With that, there was a small push in the back of Phantom’s mind. Yes, right. He needed to get back to following his tether to Fenton. But again...why had the line led him here?

The ghost boy put down the core of his tiger fruit once he’d finished. That got Sidney’s attention. “You’re done. Do you want anything else to eat?”

“No, thank you.” Phantom shook his head. “Actually...I need to go home.”

“Back to your lair?” Sidney questioned.

“No, I don’t have one of those.”

“Oh that’s right.” The other ghost said, frowning. “So where are you going?”

Ghost Danny bit his lip, considering. “The...the human world or...err...I think you called it the Material Realm?”

Sidney blinked, a strange mixture of shock, confusion, and worry on his face. “What? Why?”

Phantom sighed, rubbing his head. How to explain this. Guess he’d have to start at the beginning...and keep it simple. “That’s where I’ve been ever since I…..you know…” He motioned up and down his body. “About a month and a half.”

The other ghost’s mouth fell open, his eyes bulging. “You’ve been...In the living realm?”

“Yep.” Ghost Danny nodded.

“In the living realm?” Sidney put his hands on his head. “The material realm? Really, the living realm? And….” His voice pitched up in disbelief. “For a month and a half? Since you died? Wait...you’ve only been dead for a month and a half? And...that’s where you were...the whole time...but...how? And…” He waved his arms. “No wonder you look so starved!”

“Starved?” Phantom muttered, even as the other ghost continued.

“And how did you even form in the material realm?” Sidney exclaimed. “That just doesn’t happen, ever! And then how did you get here? Portals are so rare!”

“Sidney!” Ghost Danny interrupted, causing the other ghost’s mouth to snap shut. Knowing he’d gotten his host's attention, he continued. “So...long story short. My parents are ghosts hunters and researchers. They’re scientists who made a portal to...this place. They call it the Ghost Zone. And well...I went inside their portal, turned it on, and...umm...it..well...it killed me.” Phantom looked down, his core clenching at the words and the pitying look on the other ghost’s face. 

“But...I walked out of the portal. I’m still here...even if I’m different now.” He paused for a moment, considering the words. He’d said as much to Mom earlier. And he believed them. But…

“I did...I did try to act like nothing was different for a month after that accident, like I hadn’t changed. But….it’s really obvious now. Mom and Dad know what happened and…” He shivered, recent memories hitting him. “Mom and I had a fight. I wanted to talk to her about...some very hurtful stuff she’d said but….” 

Phantom bit his lip. “It went bad. We were both yelling and Mom got really upset and said...she said…” The words sputtered to a stop as what Mom had said repeated in his head. He was supposed to be normal, human, alive. He wasn’t supposed to be a ghost.  He swallowed. “I started crying….and…” Mom’s shocked and distressed face flashed in his mind, her desperate expression as she reached towards him. “I ran away. I didn’t even think. I just flew through the portal ‘cause I just couldn’t be in the same room as her. I just had to get away but…” He put his head in his hands. 

“Now I’m lost somewhere in the Ghost Zone and Mom is probably freaking out. Dad and Jazz too if she told them.” Phantom then shivered, looking up. “I need to get back to them.” He balled his fists in determination. “I need to get back to my parents, my sister, my friends, and my hum-” 

Phantom snapped his mouth shut on the last word as doubt suddenly flickered through him. Human half, he was going to say. But...he hadn’t mentioned that little fact at all. And the idea of explaining was daunting. His insides squirmed. What would a real, actual proper ghost think of that, of him? Both human and a ghost, living and dead, at the same time. Or...half of each, somewhere in the middle. Or maybe even neither, something else entirely. He didn’t know and he was suddenly terrified to find out.

So instead, ghost Danny kept his mouth shut as he slowly looked up. He blushed. “I can’t believe I told you all that.” His shoulders fell. “I must sound so pathetic.”

“No, of course not.” Sidney said kindly. He was studying Phantom curiously, yet also oddly sad. He raised a brow, looking like he still wanted to ask about the other’s near slip up. But he didn’t. Maybe he sensed it was personal, maybe he thought Phantom would refuse to answer if asked. Either way,  Sidney didn’t press. Instead, after a long pause he finally said. “But I know why you came here now.”

Phantom blinked in surprise. “What?”

“You’re looking for a portal to the living world.” The other ghost stood. “I might have something to help you. Follow me.”

Ghost Danny’s eyes widened at the statement but he obeyed without question. He floated out of his seat and took his place behind Sidney as he flew out of the cafeteria. The pair hovered down a familiar hallway. Soon enough, they stopped in front of a rusty looking locker numbered 724. Phantom looked at the door curiously. 

Across from him, Sidney asked. “Did another ghost tell you about my portal?”

Ghost Danny turned to face the other ghost, brow furrowing. “Your portal?” He shook his head. “No one told me.” He blushed. “You’re actually the first ghost I’ve ever talked to.”

The other ghost frowned. “Then how did you know this was here?”

“I didn’t.” Phantom glanced at the door again, reaching out with his mind. He tugged on the tether connecting him to Fenton and the line grew taunt. His eyes widened. There, behind the door, he sensed...something. “But...I sensed something. It...the line...it was leading me here.”

“Line?” Sidney asked.

The ghost boy glanced back at his host, eyes widening. “Yeah..I’m...uh..I’m” He bit his lip nervously. “I’m….connected to someone in the material world...like mentally.”

The other ghost raised a brow, clearly wanting to know more.

Phantom coughed, changing the subject. “So...uh...how does this work? How do I get through?”

Sidney frowned but answered the question anyway as he opened the locker door. “The mirror is the portal. It leads to the real Casper High.”

Ghost Danny blinked, studying the mirror. “That? But it’s so small and… where’s the swirling green light?” His brow furrowed as he remembered his parents’ portal.

The ghostly nerd shook his head. “It’s not always active. It’s only open for a few minutes during the witching hour of the full moon...and on the equinoxes and solstices. But” He raised a finger seriously. “There is a full moon tonight.”

Phantom raised a brow, wondering how exactly the other ghost knew that. But he didn’t ask. Instead, he looked at the mirror again. Was it really through there, his way home? Closing his eyes, the ghost boy reached out with his mind once again. Yep, yes. He was sensing something. Fenton...Fenton was through there but…. He glanced back down the hallway, towards the way he’d come. Theoretically, he could try to find his parents’ portal or he could stay here and go through when the portal opened in a little over 12 hours….and leave his loved ones worrying for longer.

Then there was a gentle tug on the line. Something tickled in the back of his mind. The corner of Phantom’s lip turned up. He could feel Fenton’s keen interest on him. Oh yeah, he could tell or show Fenton what was happening and ask him to tell their family and friends that he was okay.

Finally, Phantom sighed. “I guess I’m waiting then.”

Sidney nodded. Then his expression turned more serious. “Make sure you’re sure you want to do this, though.”

The other ghost blinked. “Of course, I want to do this. Why wouldn’t I?”

The nerd bit his lip. “Well...I should tell you not to go through the portal. You could get trapped on the other side and ghosts that get trapped in the material realm...they starve. They get weak and desperate and angry.” He shivered. “It’s a horrible way to exist but…” He looked up. “If you think you need to do this, I’ll help you.” His eyes flickered to the floor. “If I had another chance to talk to my parents, I’d take it.”

“Your...parents?” Phantom asked quietly.

Sidney wrapped his arms around himself. “They moved away from Amity Park after I….you know.” His voice quieted. “By the time I found this portal, it was too late. They’d already moved.” He shivered. “I know it would have hurt them to see me like this but...I still wish I could have. I should have told them how much I loved them, how sorry I was that all this happened.” 

That sobered Phantom. For a long moment, he stared at the other ghost and it really hit him. This was a dead teenager, a dead kid who’d had family and friends. Hopes, dreams, memories. A life...just like him.  “We’re not...we’re not that different.” Ghost Danny muttered.

Sidney finally looked up. “No, I don’t think that we are. So…” The other ghost shifted nervously in the air. “I don’t know what all happened with your mom but….talk to her.” His voice pitched up, hopeful yet sad. Not demanding but a kind suggestion from someone with experience...and regrets. “Try to make things right with her if you can. Don’t give up yet.”

Phantom swallowed, considering. He didn’t really know what to think of the other ghost’s advice. Earlier, right after the fight, he might have been angry at the suggestion. He’d tried to make things right and had failed; it wasn’t his responsibility to try again if there was no fixing things but...Mom’s face flashed in his mind again. Her guilt, her desperation as he darted through the portal. And it was simple. She was his mom and he loved her, damnit. He couldn’t just turn that off, couldn’t stop wanting her to love and accept him. He couldn’t stop hoping that she would.

“Alright.” Ghost Danny wrung his hands. “I’ll...keep that in mind.” The way he saw it, another conversation was inevitable. Knowing his sister and dad, they would insist on talking about everything as a family. But he had a choice about how he would approach that conversation. Maybe he could approach it with the hope that things would get better, even if he’d be wary to trust again.

With that, Phantom pushed the thought away, focusing on the ghost in front of him, “Thank you for the advice. And for telling me stuff. I’ve learned a lot.” He rubbed the back of his neck. “Man, I knew I didn’t know much but...I don’t seem actually to know anything at all.”

Sidney nodded. “No sweat, pal.” He half-smiled. “This is the most exciting day I’ve had in years. We can hang out ‘til the portal opens and I can answer more questions.” 

“That would be awesome.” Phantom finally smiled. “You’re actually a really cool dude, Sidney.”

The other ghost beamed and ghost Danny was happy he’d managed to wander into this ghost’s lair. He’d be in big...err...bigger trouble if he hadn’t. He’d learned a ton about ghosts, gotten a much needed meal, and would be home in a few...hours. His thoughts trailed off at the end as he felt an excited mental nudge.

In the lair, Sidney physically nudged him. “Danny?” He questioned, pointing towards the mirror. His voice turned sad. “Is that what you looked like when you were alive?”

“When I was….alive?” Phantom turned and his eyes widened, taking in his reflection. In the mirror, he had black hair, blue eyes, and was wearing a white and red t-shirt.

Phantom! There was an excited exclamation in his head. At the same time, his reflection’s eyes widened.

“That’s not my reflection.” The ghost’s mouth stretched into a grin. He placed both hands on the mirror. “I’m here! I’m right here! I can see you.”

Across the mirror, Fenton smiled. You’re okay. The words were mouthed through the mirror and communicated in the ghost’s head.

“Yeah! I’m fine. I’m-” Phantom cut himself off as Fenton placed his own hands on the mirror, directly opposite his other half’s. Instantly, a warmth coursed into the ghost boy. His eyes widened as a wave of green passed over the mirror. “It’s open.” He muttered, sounding awed. 

Phantom didn’t quite understand how but the portal was opened. And he needed to be on the other side of it, now. With little effort, he pressed his fingers out of the mirror. He curled them around the back of Fenton’s hand as if he and his other self were holding hands.

Fenton grinned and he pulled.

Behind Phantom, Sidney called. “What are you-”

Without resistance, Phantom slipped through the mirror and right into his other self’s arms.

[mooglesorts]

man. it's weird, because there's a lot of things about me that are Very Badger Primary, to the point where i would probably pick it with a strong bird model over anything else at this point... except that i hate dehumanization. i saw primaries described recently as 'things you wouldn't be you anymore if you went against,' and more than just about anything else that's it. even when i think people are monsters, i can't see them as not human; i'd be hard put to define exactly what i consider a 'monster,' but it's more about like. good faith than personhood, i suppose?

it's not necessarily a permanent status to be one--people can change--but my deeply held instinct is that once you have done something monstrous you will always be a person who has been a monster by your own choices, and that it's your duty to learn how to accept that while still living your life, and act accordingly from thereon out. you have to reconcile that you are a person with the fact that some doors are closed to you now, and it's up to you to decide what you do from there.

just. like. even when i hate someone and as far as i'm concerned they can go fuck themself, even in the multiple Heavily Badger social environments i've been in over the course of my life--church, progressive circles, the way the structure of the internet kind of just affects you in general--even on occasions where i've gotten swept away and given in to the pressure to dehumanize (or perform it) for a minute, there's always, always been a voice in the back of my head saying this is a person. this is a person. this is a person. this isn't right.

unintentional dehumanization sets off my '...should we really be doing this? we are getting into not good territory here, it's time to pull up and start questioning' alarms. explicit, intentional, purposeful dehumanization sets off the whole ass tornado sirens. if people on my side are doing it it's enough to throw me into a system-destabilizing crisis, because NO NO NO I WANT TO GET OFF THIS RIDE, I WANT NO PART OF THESE PEOPLE'S MORAL SYSTEM, I FEEL UNCLEAN. it's a good way to make sure i will never, ever, ever trust someone again.

things that are Really Really Badger, off the top of my head (after the cut because Long and trauma talk):

[[MORE]]

---

-i've always loved playing adoptable games, pet simulators, etc? any game with randomly generated characters that are Yours Now and a Community, in a deeply badgery way. including games where they can die (the satisfying part is making sure they don't). except that, no matter how much fun the gameplay is, if it gets to the point where they start feeling disposable, and the only way to really keep playing is to stop humanizing them, i lose interest. it's super fucking depressing. it feels like part of me dying inside a little. i don't like it at all.

-i've always been drawn to fandoms and roleplaying communities. i was fiercely loyal to, and proud of, my first rp community on dragoncave as a 13-year-old. when my abusive mom found out about it and completely isolated me for half a year, the promise of being able to make it back to them--just sneakier this time--kept me going; when i finally got back and the group had drifted apart in my absence, it.... was absolutely devastating. i never really recovered from it. even then, i spent years trying to get the group back together every now and then, until i finally gave up.

-i am always keenly, painfully aware of the life cycle of a community. every time i hear the sentiment 'you guys are all great and i love this group' my stomach drops, because i know it's only a matter of time before things go sour or the group dissolves. rp groups, skype chats/discord servers, fandoms, you name it, i am always bracing myself or staying away entirely to avoid the inevitable and it hurts. and it hurts to see people taking part in a community i don't dare be part of, which makes lurking in fandoms... really rough. frankly, it takes me a lot of courage every time i express my appreciation for the shc community because i've been burned so many times.

-on that note: i went through some really traumatic stuff at the end of 2020 that completely turned my life upside down, and i was doing bad until i stumbled across the shc community. the moment i started engaging, it was a huge boost to my mental health, and my ability to cope with circumstances under which i was about to break down spectacularly. and it has been ever since! contributing to The Group Project and seeing other folks being friendly with each other gives me the happy feelings.

-i used to go out of my way to build and run spaces, mainly fandom and rp spaces, and took a lot of pride in engineering them so that they Functioned Well. unfortunately it wore me the hell down over the years for Burnt Badger Reasons, and now i'm too jaded, bitter, and exhausted to give a shit about being a mod/community leader anymore because of it lmao

-among those burnt badger things i relate HARD to the Red Ledger narrative. hoo boy.

-i wish i could find it again, but there was an mlp comic i saw once which went into luna's observations of what each element of harmony Means. with the element of friendship, she says that twilight has a massive amount of love to give; right now it's all focused on celestia, but when she learns to expand it outward she'll have grown into her full potential as a person, and she'll change the world. that struck a chord with how i used to feel, hard, and it's really stuck with me ever since. (hello, unhealthy snake model)

-emphasis on 'used to feel,' lmao

-got super invested in a really toxic '''mental health''' community at a low point in my life; exploded HARD trying to help everyone i could; got into vicious, protracted fights with the shitty mods for years about the harmful way they ran their community until i finally managed to go 'fuck this it's not getting better' and leave.

-had to numb myself emotionally to the people around me for a long time once i really started learning about mental health and trauma stuff, because now i was seeing signs of their pain and baggage everywhere i looked, and i couldn't handle not being able to help.

-the imagery with which i think about my bird primary is overwhelmingly negative. whether it's my actual primary or a model, i uh. i feel like a healthy relationship to one's primary doesn't involve associating it with gore.

-i saw a conversation recently about how birds think of morality in terms of 'if you can, you should,' and how that's scary for badgers because their definition of 'can' involves destroying yourself for the sake of that 'should,' and... yeah, that's a mood. that's a BIG mood. thinking about bird primary stuff is hard--and i had to pick up my lion model to deal with it--because it's so easy for me to spiral into a self-shredding spiral of other people are counting on you to do the right thing, how dare you pull back for your own health and sanity. how dare you turn your back for even a minute. how dare you rest. the work is never done.

which is... a very exploded badger approach to exploded bird morality. whoops.

-fix-it and time travel fiction in which Everything Went Right This Time and It's Going to Be Okay are one of my very favorite self-indulgent fantasies. i will enjoy putting characters through the wringer in all kinds of creatively horrific ways which may or may not end on a downer note, certainly, i love that shit, but i will also 90% of the time have a backup version of the arc or dynamic that's softer and lighter and Actually Healthy This Time. it's the dichotomy there that really gets me tbh, a story where Everything Ends Happily by default will mmmaybe pull me in? but stories where there's the constant shadow of this could end horribly, it's supposed to end horribly, and we got a happy fucking ending anyway are just... that shit will make me cry, man.

it's also why i kind of really hate stable time loop stories where it initially looks like this is going to be The Good Timeline this time around, but OOPSIE everything went to shit anyway! we're right back where we started, just like it was meant to be all along! it's a tired cliche by this point and an unsatisfying one for me, and it makes me roll my eyes every time.

-this is relevant to the bird vs. badger because like... my gut instinct is to prioritize people over systems. when shit hits the fan, when someone's fallen into the machinery and is about to get hurt, i don't feel right about it if i just let it happen. i'll break the machinery if i have to to keep it away from them; i won't feel great about that, and it might cause problems, but fuck it, we'll figure it out later. throwing people into the gears of a system when i'm convinced it's the only option makes me feel Awful.

-related to the above, another trope that really speaks to me in fiction is when a character defies the rules of reality through sheer force of will. no, this is not happening, i don't give a shit what the limits are supposed to be. i refuse to let this be the way things are. (there's that lion model.)

-i've just kind of... always wanted to be an Everyone Badger. it makes me sad how much of that i've lost over the years as i've gotten more cynical, but it's what i wish i could be.

---

doubtless i'll think of more the moment i hit send, and there are just as many things about me that are Super Bird Primary, but like... mamma mia that's some spicy badger. the main thing stopping me is the Can't and Refuse to Dehumanize bit. i also... hm. i think i can function okay without a community? they just help a lot, and it sucks when i'm confronted with one i don't have a (stable) place in. any thoughts? is it possible for a bird system's foundation to run so deep that eventually it overrides the bird?

[dwead-piwate-meggers]

For the 50 types of kisses: One person tracing the other’s lips with a fingertip until they can’t resist any longer, tilting their chin towards them for a kiss. Authors choice of pairing :)

This got...a little out of hand...

Temptation

Adam du Mortain x f!detective approx. wc: 1626 rating: t warnings: none Read it on Ao3

The Detective’s Apartment, Late Evening

There are words on the page of the book she’s been looking at for the past 10 minutes. She couldn’t tell you what a single one of those words are, she is a little too distracted by contemplating the inherent weirdness of the situation that she found herself in, but the words are definitely there. On the page. Where her mind decidedly is not.

Because it is a little weird. She’s curled up on the couch in leggings, an oversized knit sweater and thick woollen socks, next to her… she’s not even sure what to call him. Bodyguard? He does that, true, but it doesn’t quite fit. Boyfriend? They haven’t had that conversation. Also, a little juvenile. She’s 28, after all. And he’s...older. Much older. (No doubt some Freudian enthusiast somewhere would have a thing or two to say about a young woman who lost her father figure very early and an older man. That enthusiast could shove it.) Guy she’s seeing? Would probably be the closest. Because he is male. And she does see him. Pretty frequently.

Whatever label fits best, she’s curled up on the couch next to him, enough space between them that they aren’t touching, but close enough that they could, if they wanted to, having what Farah has been insisting on calling a ‘sleepover.’ (And Charlotte is a little grateful that the younger vampire uses that term when any one of Unit Bravo stays overnight, not just Adam. Because the whole ‘we acknowledged that there are feelings but neither of us really knows what to do with them’ stage is awkward enough without having it pointed out all the time.) Besides, he’s been behaving like a perfect gentleman -  goes nowhere near her bedroom. And he doesn’t actually sleep.

It’s all just a bit… weird. Well. The bit where he picks her up from work three to four nights a week and stays for dinner, and helps with the washing up is pretty nice. The bit where she wakes up to him handing her a fresh cup of coffee in the morning is...very nice. The bit where they haven’t even come close to kissing since that really disastrous first time is a little weird. And yes, she did just get out of a cast, and he hasn’t been doing the running away thing, and they’re just taking it slow, but still. She wouldn’t mind it if he kissed her again. The bit where he’s almost slouching on the couch beside her, his nose buried in his own book, should be weird, considering a few months ago they were barely speaking, but somehow it isn’t. It just feels...normal. Comfortable. The bit where he’s managed to convince her cat to curl up in his lap is definitely weird, though. Timbit has never been a lap cat, and yet there he is, a black ball of fluff curled up under Adam’s hand, getting absent-minded pets.

She can admit it. She’s a little jealous of the cat.

Idly, she stretches out her right leg, flexing the ankle back and forth. It’s aching again. The joys of physiotherapy.

Adam looks up from his book, eyes flicking from her leg to her face, concern all over his. He’s gotten so much more...expressive around her of late. “It’s causing you problems?”

She shrugs, it’s uncomfortable, but not painful. “It’s still healing.”

He sets his book facedown on the coffee table and reaches his hand towards where she’s stretching. He pauses, and looks back to her, “May I?”

She nods and shifts a little closer to him on the couch. He hooks her ankle up into his open palm and very gently balances it on his thigh, Timbit streaking away to glower at them both from his cat tower, while Adam’s thumb sweeps around her ankle and up her calf. Oh. Okay. She has definitely noticed his hands before - large, square. Strong. And maybe she’s had the odd, fleeting thought about what they would feel like. Maybe. She’s not sure fantasy Adam’s hands quite match up to the real thing, though. Her eyes drift shut and he leans her head against the back of the couch as his fingers work the muscles up to her knee. She adds to her observations about his hands: large, square, strong, and very warm.

She can feel her ears burning. He’s just rubbing her leg. To help her feel better. She’s fully clothed. They both are. There’s nothing else going on. He’s just rubbing her leg. It really should not feel this good for him to be just rubbing her leg. It should definitely not have her heart pounding like he’s got her pressed up against the wall in the shower or something. God, it’s good that vampires can’t read minds . He finds a particularly knotted spot. She bites her lip. His thumb digs a little deeper, working the knot. She lets out a soft moan. Shit . She tenses. He stops.

And now her whole face is burning. She covers it with one of her hands. “Sorry,” she moves to pull her leg away, but he’s still holding it.

“Don’t be.” She opens her eyes and he’s leaning towards her, one hand still curled around her calf, his other reaching for her face. She leans into his touch, and his fingers graze her cheek, thumb brushing over her lips. Her breath hitches. He’s so close, so warm, gaze intense but unfocused, like he’s seeing her, but maybe a version of her that’s doing something else with him, and Jesus what she wouldn’t give to know what that fantasy version of herself is doing with him right now. His fingers curl under her chin, tip it up, and he lowers his mouth to hers.

---

His mouth is an insistent, demanding thing. In a way, it’s a little less like being kissed and a little more like being conquered, his lips an army laying claim to her mouth, her cheeks, her neck oh, God her neck, while she struggles to catch her breath, and she submits, surrenders, wholeheartedly. Then his mouth is back on hers, tongue swiping against her bottom lip and she opens, of course she does, loses herself in his soft lips and the press of his tongue and the gentle scrape of his teeth.

She’s on her back on the couch, one hand wrapped around his neck and the other looped just under his arm, not entirely sure when or how she ended up there. One of his hands is braced beside her head, the other curved around her waist on top of her sweater. He’s hovering above her, holding himself high enough that their bodies barely brush together. His leg is between hers, but he’s kneeling just enough to keep the space between them and Good God she wants to feel the weight, the warmth, of his body on hers. She tries to pull him closer, but he resists, the muscles in his back bunching under her fingers.

He nips at her earlobe, gives a throaty chuckle at her soft whine. “L’impatience,” he whispers.

“Avec ce que tu fais?” She returns the favour along his jaw; is rewarded with a quiet groan. “Absolument.”

“You speak French.” He punctuates the statement by leaving a trail of kisses down her neck.

“Is that…” she gasps, squirms under him, as his lips find her collarbone, “really what you want to be talking about right now?”

He doesn’t respond, just kisses his way back to her mouth. He tangles his tongue with hers, leaving her breathless, senseless, and fine, if he’s not going to get any closer, she can at least get her hands on him properly. She slips her hand at the back of his neck under the collar of his t-shirt.

He stiffens, leans closer, the outside of his thigh rubbing against the inside of hers, as he moans into her mouth as she grazes her fingernails lightly against his back. She whimpers at the friction, closer, but still much, much too far, and palms his back to try to tug him further down.

And then her alarm goes off behind her head.

His head drops onto her shoulder as she scrambles to pull the stupid thing out from behind her to turn it off. He’s shaking. That… can’t be good. She turns her head to see the expression on his face, but he’s grinning widely at her, looking just slightly punch-drunk, and shaking with silent laughter. She knows just how he feels, knows the expression is mirrored on her own face. She breaks out into giggles as he moves to rest his forehead against her.

“It would appear,” he says, once they’ve finally caught their breath, “that it’s your bedtime.”

“I don’t suppose I could persuade you to join me?” The words fall out of her mouth before her brain has time to register what they are. Christ Almighty, where the hell did that come from?

His breath catches. She sees a faint flush wash over his cheeks. “Tentatrice,” he murmurs.

She cocks an eyebrow at him, responds in the same language, “Ah, parce-que j’ai tout commencé.”

He laughs softly, pulls away until he is nearly sitting upright. “I...You need the rest.”

She breathes out slowly, staring up at the ceiling to collect her scattered thoughts, before she pushes herself to sitting. “I’ll see you in the morning, then.” She lets her fingers trail down his arm as she stands, but stops when he catches her hand.

He presses a kiss to her knuckles, his eyes on hers the whole time. “Sweet dreams, Charlotte.”

She swears her knees almost give out. She’s not sure sweet is going to be an accurate descriptor.

[alias-b]

Talk Dirty To Me

~Billy/Camille + Tommy Too

The Smut Extravaganza for Billy and Camille I got requests for. They make the mistake of teasing each other the entire day while they plan for a memorable Halloween. Tommy H just has great timing. Fun Smutty AU for my fic, Without The Lights, combination of smut requests I was sent for Billy and Camille. This got way out of hand and it's just filth. Literally, this is fun garbage filth. Enjoy! 🍒

A/N: Inevitable Threesome. Bi!Billy. Overstimulation. Light roleplay. Drinking/pot use. Gross teens and sexual fantasies come to life. Sorta follow up to the one shot about Tommy’s dirty letter. :))) It’s long, sorry!

~~

   “Billy, come see this one!” The damn sing song.

   A groan erupted. He tried to hide behind a row of latex Halloween masks. Rubber scent filled his nostrils. 

   “Just a few more.” Camille beckoned with a hurried wave. Genuine and excited, he’d be an asshole to mess with that.

   “You said that a million costumes and two stores ago.” Billy came around to see her. Greek goddess. Probably Venus by the tight fit.

   “Well?” Camille spun for him. Little gold pieces wrapped around her caught the light.

   “You look amazing.” Repetition. “So fucking hot.”

   “You say that about them all.” Fists went to her hips. Chest puffing. Red alert.

   “Am I wrong?” He attempted to recover.

   “No, but still. Marie Antoinette. Barbie. Fives different witches. A cat. Bride of Frankenstein. And so on. And you haven’t tried on any.” Lips formed a pout. 

   The look. Boyfriend’s worst nightmare.

   “I go as the same thing every single year. A drunk asshole.” Billy flashed a crooked grin. Scarred brow lifting. Creepy Halloween sounds played over the cheery tune of the Monster Mash. A speaker above the dressing rooms echoed louder.

   “But, Halloween is about being something you’re not, babe.” The quip caused him to laugh, head turning because he waltzed into that one. “You best help me out here because your pretty ass is dressing as the other half of my costume.”

   “Couples costumes? We did not agree to that.” Billy tugged on the curl of a huge synthetic wig, watched it bounce.

   “Girlfriend gets the holidays, it’s the rules.” Camille pulled her curtain over and unzipped herself as he dicked around outside. Itching to go.

   “What do I get in return?” Billy’s casual tone was anything but innocent.

   “Rewarded for making the girlfriend happy on such campy, beloved occasions.” She fussed about, making the curtain jostle. Billy only shook his head with another smile. A compelling argument.

   “So,” he poked his face in, startling her. Camille braced to cover her underwear and instead tossed jeans at him. “I put on a costume, I get laid. We fuck all the time.”

   “Maybe a happy girlfriend will be...a little more giving. A little weirder for your unique tastes.” She pecked his lips and pushed him out. 

   “I do like how that sounds.” Billy hummed to himself. “You know, when I was sick. You made me a promise that...hasn’t been delivered on. Something involving your mouth and a little roleplay.”

   “Uh, how about the events of literally this morning?”

   “Yeah, well, we wanted the entire illusion with it, Doctor Harper.” He explained and she rolled her eyes.

   “Doctor-patient confidentiality. I’m forbidden to speak of it further.” Came the retort.

   Billy groaned to himself outside. Few shoppers eyed him messing with accessories. He stopped to fix his hair in a nearby mirror, flicked a curl aside before Camille peered out to see him tonguing one of his canines.

   “Consider another fairy tale. Red Riding Hood?” Camille braced her hands on either side of the room, hip cocked. Divine. A nearby mother shielded her son’s eyes and ushered him off. Billy was snickering, plucking up a wolf mask with realistic grey fur. He dangled it before her. “C’mon, get into the spirit, beach boy.”

   “Consider the werewolf only eats sweet, sweet pu-” Billy’s vulgar remark was muffled when her hand covered his lips. Bright eyes flickered. He was too much.

   “I loathe you.” Camille only puffed at him, turning. “Uh, I’m not feeling anything and I’m starving. Let’s give up and grab a cheesesteak from the food court.”

   “Extra onions and green peppers. Now, we’re talking.” Billy gave a sigh of relief. Still messing around just outside with masks and fake weapons. Camille heard the curtain swish once her dress was back on the hanger.

   “Billy, I’m not dressed.” She turned to see him in a plastic hockey back. Silent and unblinking. Curls framed his face. “Jesus!” Instinct made her jerk before she pushed him. “You’re not funny. Asshole.”

   No words. Just stared.

   “You creep.” Camille turned to pick up her jeans as they crammed together in the tiny room. Earning a smack on her ass. “Hey!” She waved him off, eyeing his right hand. A fake replica of Freddy Krueger’s glove with blades skimmed her bare thigh. Huffing, she turned to face him, hands on her hips. “You got your horror bad boys mixed up.”

   “Does that really turn you off?”

   “Little bit. The actual Freddy mask with the burn scars was just outside.”

   “You think I’d put that ugly ass rubber shit over my head?” Billy pulled up the hockey mask, face scrunching.

   “I’m just saying you lose points for it.” She laughed at him, halting when he pressed her back into the corner of the box they squeezed into. “Ugh. You’re impossible.”

   “You’re hot.” Billy settled one plastic blade on her lower lip, inching it over the curve. “I put on a costume, Halloween came earlier. I don’t.” A wink caused her to lick her lips when he shook the glove off.

   “Please, Mister Nightmare the 13th, don’t hurt me. I wanna be in the sequel.” Camille faked an amused, coy shiver before Billy turned her around. “Billy.” The whine signaled her voice lowering. Camille braced her hands on the wall, let him palm her ass and hips until his groin pushed into her bottom. Hair was swept over and a well placed kiss sent chills down her spine. The hockey mask fell aside so Billy could view them in the mirror to his left. 

   “Look at you, all alone.” He’d uttered, pressed into her back. Idle fingers slipped into her underwear, one tug stretched them.

   “Fucking asshole, you’re buying me another pair.” Camille turned to hiss. Noting that he stuffed them into his back pocket. “Like I said, creep.”

   “You love it. Perfect version of me for Halloween, I thought.” One snap undid her bra. Palms cupped her breasts, earning a soft sigh. Music buried their voices just enough. Billy was enjoying himself maybe more than he should have. Lips on her shoulder blade while he twisted her nipples. One hand went up onto locks of brown hair, tugging at silken roots to pull her head back. 

   “Fingers,” came an order he was thrilled to fulfill. Mouths opened and Billy pushed his tongue against hers, muffling a moan so his free hand cupped between her legs.

   “Best costume yet.” He joked, eyes on the mirror while she nuzzled and whined back into him. Lips agape to breathe steady and eyes closed. Thighs quivered when two fingers plunged in, thumb rubbing idle circles into her clit. "You're soaked." Camille felt back to open his belt and slip her hand under denim, a growl hitched.

   “My, my, what big...teeth…you have.” Breathless, she pumped him a few times. Squirmed against his muscled frame.

   “Better to eat you with, Harpy.” He hushed into her jawline. Felt her moving into his fingers and tugged her hand away. The Monster Mash wasn’t the sexiest tune to get weird to. Billy felt her moving into his touch. Putty in his palm. Hazel eyes closed again when Camille’s lips parted. “But, you know what I really want?” A hot mouth skimmed her neck.

   “More.” She sighed into his body. Billy hitched a breath. Pulled his fingers from her thighs to lick them clean.

   “I want...a fucking...cheesesteak.” The heat of him pulled away, left Camille shuddering. Rubbing her thighs together.

   “H-Hey...wait a second.” Camille perked up. Skin fizzling. Billy had that insufferable smile on his face.

   “Maybe, I’ll finish you later. Give it another few costumes.” He winked. Slid out.

   “Billy.” Camille reared forward hissing. Her head popped out. “My panties.”

   “I consider it a tease toll.” He licked his thumb and came forward her kiss her brow. “Cute when you’re all worked up and frustrated. Blushing so hard.”

   “I hate you so much right now.” Camille gruffed, tearing back to jerk her clothing on. Billy was all snickers as she adjusted her jeans. “Fucking hell. How can you do this as much as you do? No underwear?”

   “Look at you squirm, Harpy.”

   “I’ll get you for this.” She snatched her purse, stuffed a few singles into his pocket. “Go buy us food, asshole. I gotta put my shit back. I’m not leaving all these for a poor employee to put away.”

   “What if I promise to make this up to you later?”

   “Oh Billy,” Camille teased, pressing her body into his, “you have...no idea the game you just started.”

   She peered around. Slipped her hand over his shaft until he grunted. Went off all too proud.

   Gulp.

   Camille waited until he had gone before she plucked up a costume. Smiled. Purchased it with devilish eyes. Tied the bag shut so Billy couldn’t glimpse it.

   “Are you really mad about it?”

   “Mad, Billy?” Camille said coolly. “I could never be mad at you.” She plucked up a fry. Chomped. "I don't get mad. I just remember." Billy snickered and went to town on his sandwich. “And to think, you could have put all that enthusiasm to better use between my thighs.”

   He choked laughing. Wiped grease away on his hand. Camille broke too. Reached over to hand him a stack of napkins. Her entire sandwich gone as well.

   “I want to get home. The whole commando in jeans is not a thing for me.”

   “Let me see what you bought.” Billy whined as they tossed their trash out.

   “No, it’s bad luck.”

   “I think that’s a wedding thing.” Idly, he let her lace their hands, weaving through crowds to get out and to the car. Something about it made him smile to himself. "I could say please?"

   “It’s a surprise for later.”

   “I’m in for it, aren’t I?”

   “Maybe.” Camille buckled. The ignition fired up. Billy whizzed out of the parking lot. Immediately a hand was on this thigh.

   “Camille...” He warned, legs opening. She just hummed. Stared outside at the bright autumn day. Dainty fingers grazed down, rubbing him until his cock twitched again. “Hard enough to calm down after the dressing room.”

   “Poor baby.” She felt him strain. Watched his knuckles pale against the wheel. They got to a red light and he reeled to kiss her all tongue and teeth. Camille had a hand on the zipper. “Billy.”

   “Hmmm?” He moaned into her mouth.

   “Green light.” She licked her lips and came out. Took her hand away. He stomped the pedal.

   “Fucking shit.” He glanced down. Arousal wet his jeans. Bitch.

   Camille giggled all the way home. Empty house. Jim working late and El with her little friends. Billy practically chased her to the door. It wasn’t closed and locked again before he was on her. More laughter burst as stubble scratched her neck with wandering lips.

   He took in her perfume and lotions. A floral, citrus sort of scent like paradise. Nipped. Camille pushed playfully.

   “Oh no, you don’t.” She flicked hair aside and went around him with her bags. Slipping off some flats. “I’m putting my stuff away. Shoes.”

   “C’mon, do it later. I could convince you.” Billy kicked his boots aside and tugged as they went upstairs. Pressed her into the door of her bedroom. Camille evaded him. “You’re kidding me.” He whined, falling into the bed with an annoyed huff.

   “You started it in that dressing room. Dug the grave, sweet face, now lie in it.”

   “We’ve ruined plenty of dressing rooms. I was just kidding around.” He settled his hands behind his head. Aching. Camille took her sweet time, stashing the Halloween bag in the bathroom while she pulled tags off clothing to hang pieces away. “You tortured me with sexy costumes all day.”

   “Big baby.” She snickered, waiting until his eyes closed to pounce on him. Billy let out a grunt as she laughed, pecking his cheeks to be a pest. “Maybe I found us something fun.”

   “That so?” Billy pushed brown locks back, cupping her face to bring it down for more kisses. She fell beside him and laid there for a beat of staring. “What?”

   “You’re just pretty.”

   Billy whined and cloaked his face with one arm, twisting over as if he was bashful.

   “Stuff it, Harpy.”

   “You’d like that, wouldn’t you.” Camille nestled against him. Forced him to be little spoon. “Would the gift make you feel better?”

   “...Depends.”

   “Give me five minutes.” She sprang up, grazing his lips while he pulled at her before flitting off. 

   Camille took twenty minutes. Billy complained the entire time.

   “Close your eyes!” She called.

   “Absolutely not.” He resisted, pressed against the bed with his hands in his lap.

   “C’mon, Billy.”

   “Fine.” He made a thing of it to roll his eyes, shutting them. Heard the door open.

   “Well?” Camille draped herself along the door frame.

   “Be still my fucking heart.” Billy’s entire body fizzled with electricity. Camille in a sexy nurse get up, so short you could see the garters clipping white tights up. Little hat with a cross pined up into her messy hair. “Dr. Harper.”

   “That’s right.” She took one step. Heels clicking. 

   “Is this you fulfilling a forgotten promise?” Billy was pulling her into his lap the second she crawled over him. Heels falling over the side of the bed. Camille settled her hands on the frame behind his head, leaning in for a heated kiss. “This isn’t right, you’re the one about to get the injection.”

   “You’re so gross.” Camille’s guise broke when laughter roused, head tipping to his collar. Billy’s hands cupped her bottom, bringing her to grind into him. Lips trailing her neck to bring out a moan.

   “Tell me what I need, Dr. Harper.” Billy had started unbuttoning her little dress, trailing his digits over the lace bra. Another kiss upon her chest. Fingers tugged at his curls. 

   “Don’t stop.” She uttered instead, his face pushed between her breasts. Tugging the lace down so he could leave marks on tender skin. One nipple pressed against his tongue and Camille’s head tipped back. “I think we both need a... ah, thorough observation.”

   “Just tell me where to put my-”

   The doorbell rang.

   The fucking doorbell.

   Billy groaned when Camille perked up, his shirt was half open. Mouths bright and swelled from kisses.

   “No, stay here. Probably some salesman, ignore it.” Billy nipped at her again, earning a shudder. Hands everywhere to just keep her in his lap. Hushing and sultry. “Ignore it. Let me fuck you.”

   “But...” It tolled once more. “Just...ugh, fuck-” Camille pushed his hands down as he pawed, scrambled to fix her dress before she was up. Both of them vibrating with frustrated nerves. Crackling with fire.

   “Camille, c’mon.” Billy followed, pressing her into the door frame. Pushing his tongue into her mouth. “Stay.”

   “Just one...second,” she tugged for a robe and tossed her hat aside, “I'm coming!”

   “Was supposed to be me saying that.” Billy followed, fully intent on punching whoever dared to ring that bell. Camille opened it and gasped softer, tried to come down from the heat.

   “Tommy?” He was halfway off the porch, hands shoved into his pockets.

   “Oh. Hey, Cam...”

   “What are you-?��� 

   “I didn’t know where to...my bad. This is stupid.”

   Billy was going to murder him in broad daylight.

   “Hey, wait, what’s wrong?” Camille had him by the arm, pulling. Tommy eyed Billy’s blazing eyes behind her.

   “...Did I interrupt something, you two?”

   “No.” Camille began.

   “Yes!” Billy puffed, bursting at the seams with an ache. “Empty house. No kids. No Chief. What does this look like, a fucking tea party?”

   “Look who hasn’t changed, Keg King. You crazy kids.” Tommy’s smile was crooked, the sun caught his hair to bring more auburn color out. He passed the couple and fell into the couch like he owned it with the news that he’d barged in on them about to tear into each other.

   “Billy, chill.” Camille shut the door, eyes rolling. “You’re sad.”

   “I’m not sad.” Tommy shrugged and she crossed her arms, eyebrow lifting.

   “Why’d you come over, you started to say you didn’t know where to go?”

   “It’s stupid.” Tommy rubbed the back of his head. Billy huffed and went into the kitchen. Appeared with some whiskey from Jim's stash.

   “What? He’s sad, I’m going to be sad too.” Billy plopped into a chair, drinking.

   “So, um, Carol and I have been talking and whatever like you said we should. Things are good for her up there in Chicago, you know?”

   “Yeah,” Camille sat down next to him. Billy gulped across from them. “What happened?”

   “I don’t know, I thought we’d...find our way back. We’re friends.” He frowned. Another slouchy shrug. “She’s seeing someone else. It’s stupid. I’m happy for her, but I...” Tommy tapped his fingers on his knee. “I thought...”

   “Oh.” Camille leaned forward. “Sorry.”

   “Girls, right?” Billy drank and Camille swiped the bottle from him, crossed to offer it to Tommy.

   “Thanks.” Tommy smirked a little. Drank. Camille followed, wiping her mouth. “Uhhh...What are you wearing, Cam?”

   “Oh.” She looked down at her open robe. “This.”

   “Dr. Harper, huh. Hot. Classic too, you can’t go wrong. Think you got a winner.” Tommy chuckled, eyes scanning and Billy shot him a look.

   “Thanks, Tom, that’s all I needed to pick my costume and...some people were not helping. I don't know though, little dated look. Bought it mostly for sex.” Camille side-eyed her boyfriend when he looked indignant. 

   “She dragged me to every Halloween store. Tried on every single costume. And we’re finally able to-”

   “You’re dating Camille fucking Harper, man, suck it up.” Tommy scrunched his face. “Your smoking hot girlfriend played dress up all day for you and you complain about it? I should kick your ass, idiot.”

   “Thank you, Tommy.” Camille pushed at his shoulder, giggling. “He understands.”

   “Tease.” Billy puffed, leaning to take the bottle. “When you put it that way, I sound like the asshole.”

   “You are.” Tommy winked as Camille’s arms wrapped around his neck.

   “My heroic sweetie.” A kiss on his cheek. He melted into her, freckles glowing pink. That lingering friendship they’d had growing up fluttered in pieces. So much had changed.

   Billy blew air out his lips, gave the bottle back to Camille when he stood.

   “Break it up.” Billy squirmed between them. Sniffed the air. “Tommy...what are you hiding in that jacket?”

   “Don’t know what you’re talking about.” He scooted back.

   “Fess up, Hagan.” Billy, no boundaries, stuffed his hands into the jacket. 

   “Hey! Fucking thief!” 

   Camille cackled as the boys wrestled around before Billy pinned Tommy down with muscled thighs and plucked a plastic bag up. Few rolled joints waiting. Tommy was out of his jacket and wiggling under him pathetically at this point. Billy fucking Hargrove was straddling him and the guy was huge. His own stomach sparked low and stillness overcame him.

   “You holding out on us?” Billy’s tongue swept over teeth.

   “I was gonna share, asshole.” Tommy bucked up at the same time Camille snatched the baggie. Taking the prize and liquor with her.

   “Sorry boys.” She tripped, scrambling off.

   “Hey!” Billy forced a grunt from Tommy jumping off him. Hot on her tail as she went up the stairs giggling. The other boy followed. All laughing and buzzed. Billy tackled his girlfriend into the bed, sat on her legs as they fought. Tommy had one of Camille’s wrists, tickled her side until she released the bag. 

   Hearts thudding.

   “Okay! Okay! I give.” She bloomed bright pink, head tossed back over the side of the bed laughing.

   “Worst nurse ever.” Billy mused, falling beside her as Tommy dug into his pocket for a lighter.

   “If Jim smells this, we’re dead.” Camille rose to open the bedroom window and lit a couple scented candles.

   “Way to be romantic,” Tommy sucked, sitting in the bay window to blow out. Billy snorted and snatched the joint to follow.

   “Shit. Not bad.” He blew it into Camille’s face, earning a swat.

   “Jerk.” She tried it properly next, slipping next to Tommy. He took it back and inhaled, face scrunching as he coughed.

   “Fucking lightweight.” Billy poked at him, stealing it.

   “Quick, Camille, I need mouth to mouth.”

   “I hate you guys.” She put her legs up, stretching. Tommy shifted back near the window’s edge, peering out and Billy plopped next to him. More whiskey passed. Camille eyed them in the sun and felt her heart flutter. An obscene sort of flutter that glittered. Tommy peered at Billy and brought Camille’s legs into his lap. She hummed when he massaged her ankles.

   “Still my girlfriend.” Billy’s eyebrow cocked in question.

   “My friend first.” Tommy grinned, pulling Camille by the legs toward him until his arm was under her knees. “I found her.”

   “You were a dick in high school.”

   “Hey, I get some growth points. You’re still a dick, bud.” 

   “True.” Billy scoffed and traded the bottle for the joint. “Like the whole dry cleaner business gig?”

   “Aunt’s taking me under her wing,” Tommy shrugged, “good money. Family side business. I don’t hate Hawkins, you know. Worse places I could be...”

   Billy felt that hit deep.

   “...Stepping up in the world and all. Learning. Couple big cities are an hour drive away. I could get used to things. Carol moved on. Guess I should too.”

   “How mature,” Camille leaned over him for a new smoke Billy was lighting, blowing it out the window into the warm breeze.

   “I’m all grown up, Cam.” He winked. “You guys jetting for Cali after all this?”

   “How’d you guess that?” Billy relaxed, pulling Camille’s ankles into his lap so she was draped over them in her messy nurse get up. Robe tossing aside. She sighed back into the pillows. One arm behind her head. 

   Tommy’s hand on her knee drawing circles into the tights.

   “Pretty much the moment you got here, I knew you’d be taking our pretty Queen Bee away.” He chuckled, slipping the joint from Camille’s fingers. “She didn’t belong here. Always too good for this place.”

   “Don’t say that. We all had some fun here. No denying it now.” She tapped her ankles together. “There’s no place like home.” Tommy laughed again, drank some alcohol down. Camille looked up at trees moving outside. Warm colored leaves illuminated by the high sun. More flutters. Fingernails idly tapped the window ledge.

   “Any secrets about Camille I should know?” Billy elbowed Tommy’s side, earning a smirk.

   “Nothing I’ll tell you, man, my loyalty is to her.”

   “I’m the Keg King, as you hollered that entire Halloween party last year.”

   “King’s lost without the Queen and so is the court.” Tommy winked at Camille. “Even the fool. Me.”

   “No, Tommy, you were worthy Duke, at the least.” Camille pushed at his arm, fingers brushed down.

   “Aw, you’re just saying that.”

   “Weed talking,” Billy added which earned him a shove. Camille heaved herself up, glazed eyes sliding over them both.

   “I am not just saying that.” She mused. “I mean it. You’ll hit the ground running after today, I promise. You have a lot to offer.” Her hand pushed his hair back, ruffling it. “Right, Billy?”

   Tommy was too busy purring with Camille’s touch. Delving fingers over the grown out, soft locks.

   “Keep your pot supplier.” He shrugged simply, stretching behind Tommy to put the smoke out on the roof.

   “That was almost genuine.”

   “He’ll get there,” Camille said, “won’t you Billy?” She tugged him into her for a quick peck over Tommy’s lap.

   “Hey, cool it.” Two hands pushed them apart. Giggles followed.

   “You made your Duke feel left out.” Billy had winked at her. Camille tapped a fingernail to her lips. “You’re just worked up because we were.” Are.

   “Miss the part where my girl ain’t coming back, Hargrove?”

   It dawned in those ocean eyes.

   “...No, shit, you waited?”

   “Fuck you.” Tommy shifted like he might get up, unable to move Camille’s legs off him.

   “No, Tommy, it’s cool. He’s just being blunt.” Camille shot Billy a look. Hands on Tommy’s chest to push him back into place. “Don’t be an ass about it.”

   “Shit...Sorry, man.”

   “Did you just apologize to me?” Tommy blinked.

   “I’m just saying it fucking sucks, alright? Not trying to make you feel like shit.” Billy snatched the whiskey up to drink. Offered it to Tommy like it was a further apology. The freckled boy warmed some and took it. Bottoms up. Finished the rest. Dunked it into the trash a few feet away. An arm went around Camille’s back, bringing her into his chest.

   “You heard him say sorry, right, Cam?” Lips touched her temple when that raspy voice lowered.

   “I did.” She snickered.

   “Screw you guys.” Billy roused further amusement. His own cheeks were tinting from the warmth and alcohol. Too cute.

   “You better cherish this girl when you two run off into the sunset, I swear to god, man.”

   “He does now, Tommy dear, I promise.” Camille bit her lip, head lifting to see him. “We take care of each other.”

   “We tried to before you rang that doorbell.” Billy grumbled.

   “Ignore him.”

   “It is a nice costume.” Tommy tugged for the collar. Camille hitched a breath at that.

   “Little too tight.” Camille braced back on her hands, legs still across them both. Comfortable. “Don’t you think so?” Both boys shook their heads in tune as if they choreographed it. She blew hair out of her face. “Men .”

   Tommy playfully snapped a garter when the skirt rode up.

   “Hey!” She smacked his hand.

   “Couldn’t help that.”

   Billy snapped the other. Another slap.

   “Shits.” She scooted back and got tugged by Billy over Tommy’s lap. Amusement fizzled when she decided to tease. “You know. The tights are kinda uncomfortable. You boys mind? Help a nurse out.” Both pushed at each other to unclip them.

   “My girlfriend.”

   “My queen.” Tommy shot back. “You get one, I’ll get the other.”

   “Deal.” They stared. A beat.

   Still fought trying to slip white tights off her. Camille watched in mild fascination and amusement. Let them sweat it and fuss over her. Billy scooted up to her side, tugged her into his chest with long legs still draped over Tommy’s own.

   “You two are so ridiculous.” Camille nuzzled into Billy’s chest. A breeze pulled in to sweep her hair around.

   “Probably my cue to scram before Hargrove introduces me to concrete, huh.” Tommy shifted.

   “No, we’re having fun,” Camille clung to Billy and grabbed for Tommy’s sleeve. “Stay here. Plus, you’re stoned and buzzed, we can’t leave poor Tommy to fend for himself. Can we?”

   “I mean...we can.” Billy laughed at her expression. “Just fucking stay man. Camille will lose her mind if you try driving.”

   “Pssh, I could run a marathon.” He stretched and slumped back, half out the window.

   “Tommy, stop that!” Camille pulled him in laughing. Torso landing on her. Squished between the two boys, her heart picked up. Thudded in her ears. That same obscene flutter so she stilled and swallowed it down. Billy adjusted some, peered at them. Camille’s fingers in Tommy’s shirt. His hands on her hips. Resting comfortably.

   “So, before I moved here...you guys ever…?” Billy cocked his head.

   “No!” They both protested.

   “Not for lack of trying, I wrote...that letter during one of my many breaks with Carol.”

   “Yeah, we read that.” Billy blurted. Tommy’s mouth fell open.

   “And you didn’t beat the shit out of me?”

   “I mean,” Billy’s eyes darted. Camille grew bright red, hidden into his shirt. “Wanted to at first, but…it was sorta hot.”

   “…You guys got off to it, no shit!” Tommy jumped up on his knees.

   “We did not!”

   “You fucked to my dirty fantasy. Admit it, huh. Why can’t you look at me, Keg King?”

   “I can still pound you.” Billy hissed. Camille was giggling into his chest.

   “I made you guys all hot ‘n bothered.” Tommy bit his lip. “I riled up the King and Queen. Fuck being the fool or Duke, I’m a fucking King too. I’m the fucking Pope, Church of the Horny. Bless me.”

   “In your fantasy.” Billy shot.

   “Yeah, my fantasy, which you got off to. You’re welcome. You both owe me one.” Tommy shifted to lie down. “Fuck, that weed man.” He rubbed his temple and laughed, arm propped up to hold his head so he could peer at them. “So...tell me about it. What got you? I was detailed.”

   “Nothing- ”

   “Definitely the tongue stuff.” Camille offered and Billy’s head snapped down at her. “He asked, I can’t lie to that little face.”

   “Right on...” Tommy wiggled his brow, sucked his bottom lip into teeth. “So you like that stuff, Camille?”

   “If it’s done right.” Camille shrugged. Billy just groaned behind her. This was not happening. Tommy’s fingers tapped her knee in sync.

   “It really is an art. Hargrove a giver?”

   “He does alright.”

   “Just alright?” Billy scrunched his face. “Okay, Miss Pull My Hair Out And Scream .”

   “I so don’t scream.” Camille bickered with him.

   "Oh, but you do."

   For a moment, they forgot Tommy was reeled into this conversation.

   “You’re such a liar. Fine, Billy is great at it. Just shut up.”

   “Hard to make the Bee blush like that.” Tommy prodded. “Turns her into a little kitten.”

   “I have the science down.”

   “Share your secrets with me.”

   “Both of you, shut it.” Camille pushed them off her in a huff.

   “Make us.” Tommy came up. Inches from her. “Look at you, playing hot and teasing. But you’re just too damn cute like this and you know that, Cam. On the receiving end. Already admitted you like that end.”

   “Isn’t she?” Billy got his bicep back around her.

   “You two are friends now that you’re ganging up on me?” Camille mocked, arms crossing. Billy tucking her hair aside while Tommy was still inches from her face with his big, wandering eyes.

   “I think the Bee just has a thing for guys with freckles.” Tommy winked. “Isn’t that right?”

   “You’re getting close there, man.” Billy eyed him. Tommy didn’t move.

   “Bothering either of you?” He said. No reply. “Been a little curious since the letter, I bet. I got you guys off, don’t deny it. I was there in spirit. And I’m here now.” Camille slid her eyes to Billy like she was asking a question. 

   He blinked at her. Head cocked without faltering. An, if you must , sort of wordless expression.

   A palm pressed Camille’s back, urging her into Tommy’s mouth. Impact.

   That thudding in her chest could have bloomed to a red glow. Neon hearts.

   She moaned. Opened her lips for a drunken kiss that somehow sobered. Too many sensations at once. Billy’s hands sliding around her waist. Tommy’s on her hips. His tongue. Being pressed back into the wall. Fingers coaxed her chin to kiss Billy next with the same fervor.

   Tommy’s mouth fell down her neck. All encouragement. Camille’s arm was up, hand catching Billy’s curls to urge his kiss on. She broke to push forward into Tommy, straddling him.

   “Fuck.” Billy watched her bottom press out against the tight costume. Enthralled by her moving into the other boy. Camille came up for air, pushed herself back into the other wall.

   “What the fuck?” She caught her breath. “What the actual fuck?”

   “Doctors are allowed more than one patient.” Tommy joked, touching his mouth. “Shit, Cam, I’ve thought about that. Nothing prepared me for the real thing.” He sobered again, looked to Billy expecting anger.

   “Do it again.” He whispered instead. Wavering slightly.

   “You do it.” She retorted. “You’ve done this before, I can tell, Billy.”

   “So have you. Heard all about that summer.”

   “Oh, you told him about that summer?” Tommy flashed another signature crooked smile. “We all got around. No overlap. I wish.”

   “I was a mess, can’t blame me.” She shrugged. “Other schools are fair game. Few threesomes. Some...it was just me and some guy from another school but...there were other couples in the room.”

   “You guys are both way ahead of me.” Tommy groaned, rubbing his eyes.

   “Had a threesome back in Cali.” Billy admitted.

   “Guy and girl?” Tommy watch him nod. “Shit man, I had you so wrong. Did...Did you?”

   “Not really, I...a little.” Billy bit his lip in a way that was unlike him.

   “Kiss Tommy and I’ll kiss him again.” Camille teased because it would only work if they all were in. Tommy perked up.

   “Do me a fucking solid, man.” Tommy begged. One hand curled into Billy’s shirt. A tug. Billy just flickered his eyes over him.

   “You talk a lot of big game.”

   “I deliver. You read the letter.”

   “Anyone can think about fucking.” Billy scoffed like he was the expert.

   “Yeah, and some of us think about it twenty four, seven. Believe me, it helps. You got the guys who think about sports and money, whatever...and the guys who think about perfecting their tongue game. I don’t think about sex to just get off, I like making a girl feel so good. Pride thing.”

   “Carol did have a lot to say when we had our sleepovers with Heather.”

   “She did?” Tommy’s eyes got huge. Pride swelled. “You see, Billy?”

   “I’m not yanking your chain to make you feel better.” Camille cut in before either could go on. Eyes on the fist curled into Billy’s sleeve.

   “You ever kiss a guy before?”

   Billy didn’t answer that. Just blinked his pretty eyes.

   Tommy cupped the back of his head. Brought him in. Camille crawled forward to see their lips touch. A soft kiss that she didn’t expect. Fists clenched in Billy’s lap. He pulled out, eyes opening before Camille offered herself. Tommy had his fingers into long curls. All too pleased.

   “Mmm.” Camille pushed him back again. Billy just sat there looking starry eyed. Broad palm cupping her bottom to squeeze. She straddled Tommy’s hips and kissed her boyfriend again. Hands all over her. A way of worship. Camille shuddered because it was unreal. How good they both felt. Thighs quivering when Tommy’s hips pushed into her. A curse lifted as she scrambled off them. “Boys, please, I... fuck I...”

   “My thought exactly.” Tommy rasped. “Still blushing, Bee.”

   “So are you, Tom.” Hazel eyes rolled. He came up, eyed Billy. 

   “Him, most of all.”

   “Dick.” Billy shoved him to crawl toward Camille. Looking all worked up and sparkling with her lips swollen pink. Unable to stop himself, he kissed her again. Pushed his tongue in.

   “Can I...” Tommy’s hand was on her knee, sliding, “touch you?” Camille broke the kiss. Bit her lip again before a nod followed. Billy watched too. Curious.

   “You want this?” Billy said with his thumbs smoothing. “Us.”

   “Yes.” Camille swallowed. “You?”

   “We sure he’s any good?”

   “You keep doubting me, just because I was a shit in high school.” Tommy touched his chest. “Let me prove it. We could play a game.”

   “We could play truth or dare.” Camille had joked.

   “And how do you want to do that?” Billy ghosted a smirk of disbelief. This was really their evening.

   “Easy. I get Camille off with my mouth.” He shrugged, massaging her inner thigh. “Bonus points, she screams.”

   “I don’t scream.” She cut in.

   “Seven minutes. For luck. If you can’t do it, I finish her and you watch helplessly.” Billy replied then.

   “Still here, boys.”

   “I do it in under seven, you both treat me to some mouth action. I get to be king for a while. Deal?” Tommy’s grin made Billy shake his head. Blase about it. 

   “Deal. Camille?”

   “I win either way.” She yelped as Tommy’s hands hooked under her knees. Jerked forth on her back. Head in Billy’s lap.

   “Time says 6:27.” He’d remarked, lighting up another joint. Sucking, he put it to Camille’s lips until she puffed. Tommy pushed her dress up and cursed. Thanked all his lucky stars.

   “Fuck, Camille, you know how many wet dreams started this way?”

   “Charmed.”

   “You’re wasting time.” Billy noted Tommy seemed unworried. Pushing her thighs apart. Thumbing her though those lacy panties. Camille’s eyes clouded over.

   “Already wet, man, you should be shaking.”

   “Whatever, keep talking.” Billy chuckled. Tommy pulled fabric aside. “Leaving them on?”

   “Find it kinda hot.” Tommy peppered his lips up her thighs. Savored this. “Not to sound sappy, but this is fucking breathtaking. You’re pretty, kitten.” Billy snorted, not worried himself with Tommy’s chatter.

   And then he went silent.

   Camille gasped in surprise. Eyes lifting.

   “Oh, my...” She felt that stab of hunger from this whole day swell. Tommy’s lips against her clit. Kissing deeply. Lapping. Fingers stretched her panties aside. Ate her like he was starved, eyes turned to Billy when his tongue plunged inside her. A wink. Billy felt hot again with Camille squirming in his lap.

   “Camille?” The amusement fell. He fucked up this time. 

   She puffed, arching up. Fist pushed toward her mouth. Teeth digging to bite on something. Anything. Tommy moaned and ate her. Put on a fucking show of it. Billy eyed the clock. 6:28. Fuck, why was time so damn slow? Camille twisted. Almost like it was too much already.

   “Holy shit,” she moaned loudly, “Tommy.” His tongue swirled before he sucked. One hand curled around her thigh and the other pushing her pelvis down. “Oh, fuck. Billy?”

   “You’ve got to me kidding me.” He leaned down. “What the fuck, man?” Tommy ignored him, kept up. Tormenting her clit with no end in sight. Camille’s breathing picked up. She couldn’t help palming her breasts when the heat shot forth. When her nerves caught pure fire. “Hey.” Billy grabbed her wrists.

   “Fuck, I’m...oh shit, I’m already...almost.” She whined, biting her lip and looking like she might be in heaven. “Holding my wrists is making it w-worse.”

   “Hold it together, don’t you fucking cum.” He threatened.

   “Cam, you want my fingers too?” Tommy mumbled.

   “Yes!”

   “No!” Billy let her wrists go.

   “Please,” Camille licked her lips and felt aimlessly for fabric to hold, “please, let him.”

   “He’s fucking cheating.”

   “She asked nicely, man. Told you I only obey the queen.” Tommy plunged two digits in. Felt her clench like a vice. “Fuck, you feel amazing.” Pumping elicited a further gasp. Fingers twisted into cushion.  

   “Camille, do not blow this for us.” Billy warned.

   “Ooh!” She spread her legs. Another curve to her spine. Gasping. Eyes rolling because Tommy H was playing her like a fucking fiddle. “Fuck! Babe...you’re going to...ah...be the one blowing this.”

   Fuck.

   He should have screwed her in that dressing room. Camille rocked into him without even trying. Tommy closed his eyes. Made it worth his while. Worked his tongue all over her until she covered her mouth to stop what might have been an almost scream.

   “What do you say, Cam?” He teased, licking his lips. Thumbing her bud lightly.

   “Don’t stop! Fuck! Just...oh, god.” She writhed there and Billy’s mouth fell open.

   “You’re fucking me.” He watched his girlfriend cry out. “No, no. Camille, don’t you dare cum. Don’t do it.”

   “I can’t...help it. Oh, fuck!” A tear squeezed out one eye. 

   “Atta, girl.” Tommy fucked her on his tongue and fingers with vigor. Watched Billy squirm because of it. Orgasm locked her up and Tommy didn’t stop until she was grasping up desperately at her boyfriend. Vibrating. A few softer kisses brought her down.

   The bastard did it in four and a half minutes.

   Tommy’s amusement didn’t halt when he grabbed Billy’s face to kiss him. Camille all over his lips. Mouths opened that time. Billy grew slack when it ended, huge blue eyes.

   “I love to say this, but I told you so.”

   “You fucking prick.” Billy shoved him.

   “Yeah,” Tommy hovered to see Camille, “you hanging in there, princess? You’re pretty like this.” She puffed aimlessly, wobbled trying to stand and fix her skirts.

   “You were supposed to hold that back, what the fuck?” Billy tossed a hand out.

   “As if you could have lasted for that. He’s a fucking hurricane. Holy shit. Shit. I’m still...” She was trying to catch her breath. “Tommy... I take back every time I didn't believe Carol.”

   “I know.” He pecked her lips. Eyes alight. “My turn. And then...I gotta fuck you.”

   “Figure we should punish her for that. Christ, Camille. You couldn’t hold out three more minutes?” Billy hissed.

   “He’s good.” She shoved him back. “You got yourself into that deal. I want to...keep having fun. But, nothing goes in my ass.”

   “Not a problem.” Tommy cupped her jaw. Kissed her lips. “Can I get my reward first? Billy?”

   “Not any good at it.”

   “I’m sure that’s not true, Keg King. And Camille will offer some help, I’m bet. Look at her. Eager.”

   She chuckled when Tommy fell back, her head on his shoulder.

   “Billy, come here to us.” She reached out. “I want to play.” He fell into her. They just drowned here like nothing was beyond the window. Mouths touching. Palms all over. Billy buried himself in Camille’s neck when she craned to kiss Tommy. Obscene kisses with a whiskey spice.

   “Love the costume, but...” Tommy opened a few buttons while Billy followed the trail. Nipping. “Let me see her.” Camille hummed as Billy pulled her dress open. A cherry red plastic zipper sounded. Tommy’s hand snaked down to stretch the lacy bra. Billy was cupping her tits, already teasing nipples with his mouth and fingers while she watched Tommy rub himself to the sight. “You’re fucking beautiful, Cam.”

   Camille swayed, lost in the fire. She came up all plush and pink. Swallowed Tommy’s shaft down as Billy yanked her costume off. Wind cooled her skin. The sky painted all different colors. Billy watched his girlfriend bob her head like she needed it. Wiggling her hips before underwear was pulled. Swollen and sensitive. Dripping.

   “Camille, fuck,” Tommy’s face twisted with pleasure. Fingers tugged at her hair. “You’re not sharing with Billy. Greedy girl.” He pulled her up for a kiss. She only smiled with a lax expression.

   “Billy, kiss me.” She said. Lips wet from Tommy’s arousal. Billy’s tongue dipped into her mouth for a taste while hands slipped her bra off. Nude and exposed before her friends. “Truth or dare?”

   “Now?” Billy scoffed as her arms went around him. “Truth.”

   “Want to help me?” Another kiss, pulling him down against her body. Billy made a sound low in his throat. Eyed Tommy there again biting his lip. A glint. Camille crawled up him. “We lost the bet. All’s fair.” Fingers latched into Tommy’s shirt. Kissing all over the fabric.

   “Fuck, Harper, I really might not leave this place.”

   “Until the police chief drags you out by your intestines.” Billy joked, shifting up on his front.

   “Better not waste anymore time, then.” Came the quip. A moan when Camille licked up his leaking shaft. Pulled Billy in for another dirty kiss, inches away.

   “Truth or dare?”

   Billy smirked.

   “Dare.”

   “Do to him what he did to me.” Lips curled. Stroking Tommy until Billy sank down. One hand curled into Camille’s, the other in Tommy’s. He moaned and the other boy about vibrated there, thrusting up. A gag.

   “Fuck, man, sorry. Shit.” The words slurred. Digits tugged for curls and Billy jerked back, lips rosy and slick.

   “Don’t pull it, asshole.”

   “You’ve so done this before.”

   Billy’s face disappeared in response. 

   He closed his eyes amid the moans. Camille sweeping those blond locks aside to stroke his jaw and cheek. Her breaking the motion to kiss him until they took turns. Tongues sliding together obscenely. Wet kisses down the girth. Camille cupped Tommy’s face next, buried her mouth into his neck until he was bucking.

   “I’m gonna...cum.” He tried to warn. Hands gripping Camille’s arm. Billy holding his hips was answer enough. Another strangled choke before blue eyes lifted. Release down those pink lips. Camille opened her mouth for some and Tommy came next. Shoving Billy into the cushions as they pulled up their shirts. “Fucking pretty Cali boys.”

   He just marveled at the couple. Worked up and gorgeous. All his for a night. He prayed he’d remember this dream when he woke. Tommy made quick work of Billy’s belt. Saw this vulnerability that was rarely displayed in bright eyes while Billy’s gaze lowered. Hands smoothing to tug for the jeans to come off fully. Camille helped them undress. Playfully tugging and tossing fabric.

   The sun had gone down so they just looked at each other in the candlelight while the curtains blew in.

   “Truth of dare?” Tommy asked with a knowing smile Billy matched.

   “Truth?”

   “How many times you think we can make our girl cum?”

   Our girl.

   Camille liked that. She giggled and curled down into the cushions. Free and shameless.

   “I’d like to find out.” Billy swept her up at that. Dropping her nude frame into the bed. Camille playfully got under the covers. "No, no. You think I forgot earlier? I told you in that dressing room I'd finish you later and you decided to let Tommy finish the job."

   "It's why I'm here." Tommy rounded the bed as Billy tugged covers aside. Camille stretched out, head on her hand there.

   "Billy's very cross with me." She traced the sheet lazily. Tommy slipped in behind her, one arm snatched her into his soft body. Lips tracing the line of her shoulder up her neck. "Come, get in bed with us." She sighed back into hot flesh. Aimlessly felt for Billy as the bed caved. The hard lines of his body fell against her, lips opening for a kiss she then craned to share with Tommy. Hard as can be again, his cock pushed up between her thighs.

   "Again?" Camille puffed, moaning when Billy's hand snaked down. Helped Tommy rub himself along her slit. "Fuck." Camille muffled herself into Billy's collar. Relentless rubbing made her arch for more of it. Tip pushed up just inside her. "Please?"

   "What was that?" Billy's slick thumb trailed over her lips.

   "Please." A whine when she was filled. Tommy groaned and pushed her over on her knees. Billy lifted for a kiss, held her arms until she sank down into his lap. Mouth open to take him as Tommy began to rut. Fingers pressing hips and tangling hair to pull. Three bodies joining together in fire. 

   It was strange to have another boy deep inside her. While Billy moaned and pumped up into her mouth. Uttered filthy things about how she was still being punished. A naughty thrill rushed. Camille lifted up to playfully nip at Billy's skin. Lip. Collarbone. Pec. He hissed, cupping her face as they moved together.

   "Told you not to cum earlier and what did you do?"

   "Tommy's fault." Camille hitched when a chuckle gave behind her. "You had to pay for the dressing room."

   "Camille, don't take this the wrong way." Tommy slowed and Camille had started to turn when a smack landed across her bottom. A yelp erupted with widening eyes. "Fuck, I had to do that just once."

   "Do it again." Billy let Camille sputter into his neck when second slap landed. Hands dug for his biceps. "Sorry, I didn't catch that."

   Thwack!

   "Ah!" Camille arched up. "I get it." Fingers yanked Billy by the hair for another long kiss. A hand pushed up between her thighs. Caused her legs to quake until she slipped down Billy. Face puffing into sheets with an arm draped over his hot skin. Her boyfriend worked her back up. Didn't stop. Camille bunched fabric into her teeth, groaned a muffled sound. Eyes rolling to squeeze shut.

   Everything went black then green then white then black again. Dots fluttered in circles. Tommy had fallen next to her. Sandwiched between them, she purred and moaned distantly. Felt hands massaging awareness back into her body. Billy nudged her on her back for his turn. Swore. Began to thrust while Tommy played with her tits, kissed from her neck to mouth. His fingers slipped down the lines of her, ghosting her raw bud to feel her tense.

    Billy cursed again, hands cupped under her knees. Hips slapping for a sound that was wet and filthy. Tommy kept her in a state. Locked up tight while he rubbed light circles. Camille held his shoulders to kiss him again until spit trails left as they parted. He didn't stop beckoning her to another cliff. Mouth by her ear until she realized he was whispering.

   "C'mon, Camille, give us another. You're so pretty, kitten. One more." 

   Lips almost drew blood. Spine drawing to an arch which made Billy about lose it.

   "Oh, fuck you both." Camille whined aloud. A cry hitched.

   "Yeah, that's the game you're losing right now." Billy felt his own end tip and pumped through it. Spattered cum between her thighs to fall upon her empty side. He realized she was still crying out. "Insatiable, Tommy?"

   "She's got another in her." He attacked her neck and Billy curled in to assist. Camille wasn't sure who ended where and what fingers belonged to which hands. Billy and Tommy kissing her and each other. Holding her writhing, squirming body into the mattress. A mouth licking her clean and fingers pushing cum back into her like it was the hottest thing.

   "Again, babe?" Billy teased. Fingers in Tommy's hair while he lapped. No words came, only broken chanting syllables. Thighs quivering. "You wanted to cum so bad. You know what we want?"

   "Ah! Can I?" She swatted at Billy and jerked him closer. Felt his hands on her breasts again. "Can I?"

   "Can you, what?"

   "Can I fuck...fucking..." She covered her mouth. Rasped a cry between fingers.

   "Close enough, just cause we love you. I assume any guy that eats pussy like that does it with love, right, Tommy?"

   "Mmm." The moan vibrated Camille's body. "Ah!" Billy felt her locking for another small climax. Finally letting up, Camille sagged to catch her lost breath. Felt Tommy slink up to collapse upon her chest. Ear pressed to hear her heart thump. Made for a soft scene with her breathing and petting him there.

   "Assholes..." She wheezed, smoothing her fingers into Tommy's hair. Billy leaned to kiss her gently, let one arm curl up around his head to guide him down for more. Switching off between him and Tommy, she melted down into the sheets. "There's no way I'm getting up." Skin pressed together, thighs sliding over each other.

   "Is this an invite to the royal bedchamber?"

   "Shut up." Billy mumbled into Camille's hair, thick lashes fluttering while he ran his nose up her skull. "We won't boot you. Yet."

   "Admit you guys like me already." Tommy pulled covers up and settled in. Bit his grin back. Camille hummed and nuzzled into his side. "Hey?"

   Billy snored. Face burrowed into Camille's hair.

   "Figures." He nestled in. Limbs thrown all over. A haze of flesh and heat. "Lightweights." One arm shifted behind his head, eyes on the ceiling with a curling smile because this was the greatest night before sleep crept.

*** ** **

   Tommy woke to a mess of curls on his shoulder. Blond curls. The shower ran in the other room.

   "Hey, sleeping beauty."

   Billy's head lifted with a scrunching expression to take this in.

   "You're not my girlfriend." He shoved the smaller boy off, rolling over with a groan to take the sheets with him. "Asshole."

   "You're way prissier than Camille, Hargrove, you realize that?"

   Billy mumbled something about punching him.

   "Cuties, rise and shine." Camille came out in a towel. Bright eyed. "Jim's home so no funny business." Billy's bed head lifted again. "Yes, you especially." She kissed Tommy on the nose and went over to kiss Billy awake. Pecking him obnoxiously until he tugged for her towel. "Hey!" Hands were smacked. "Showers, both of you. This room smells like sin." She lit another candle on her dresser.

   "Is this like a one time thing? Cause I felt a connection." Tommy was up to pull his underwear on, eyes on Camille when she tossed her towel aside to dress.

   "Wish in one hand, piss in the other. See which one fills first." Billy lit a cigarette. Scratched his nose with one thumb and got up, nude and groaning. "You sore?"

   "Delightfully so." Camille pulled a dress over her body. "Shower. Dress. Breakfast. Don't wake the bear."

   "You guys will still call me after this right?" Tommy pouted, getting up finally. "I can hit you up in Cali?"

   "Stage five clinger already." Billy winked, blowing smoke. "You write us a few more letters, we might work something out. Camille?"

   "You know," she shrugged, "I never did find an actual costume, we trashed the nurse getup. We could take a trip into the city. Two pairs of eyes are better than one."

   Tommy's face lit up and Billy groaned.

   "He's so ungrateful." 

   "Maybe we can convince him it's fun." Camille slid her arms around Billy's shoulders. A smile before she kissed her whiny boyfriend. "Please Billy?" Lips on his jaw made him immediately weak.

   "Fine, Tommy stays in the car."

   "Hey!

   "We'll crack the window for you, man." Billy shrugged, dodged a pillow before he stole the bathroom. 

   "You feel better, Tom?" Camille set her hands on her hips, beaming some.

   "Frankly, I forgot my own name last night," Tommy only laughed, "so I'm peachy. I won't make this weird at all." He rocked upon his feet, shrugging and she smirked at him.

   "No, not one bit." Camille kissed his cheek. "Behave in here. I'll start pancakes." She slid out, peering around before creeping to the steps.

   "You think you can get anything past me, Camille?" A throat cleared. Shit. Mayday.

   "Uh...?" She brought her shoulders up, turning. "Jim? No..."

   "You think I wouldn't find out, kid?" He stood there, arms crossed at his bedroom.

   "It...just happened, I'm sorry. Tommy came over and we-"

   "You guys got into my whiskey. I know."

   Teeth pressed, hazel eyes flicking. Oof.

   "Oh. Yeah. Right...that." She touched her head. Heavens above, thank you. "Sorry, we stayed in my room. Finished it. It won't happen again."

   "Just ask next time, I might surprise you." Jim passed her in uniform, ruffling her hair on the way. "I'd rather you drink here than do it anywhere else. I was a teen once."

   "Oh, Jim, you're so right," Camille was all giggles, bounding into the kitchen to turn with pink cheeks, "nothing gets past you, Chief."

   A shiny smile flashed.

   "Camille, you have anymore towels? Billy stole all of them up here." Tommy waltzed to the top of the steps in his underwear, spotting Jim there. "Ugh! Morning, Chief, great uniform. Pressed." He covered himself even still. Both the dumbfounded Chief and Camille pointed to the closet. The teen snatched a towel and raced away.

   "...Camille, why was he-?"

   "Breakfast, Jim?" Camille tossed a green apple he struggled to catch awkwardly. Hurried up to kiss his cheek before she was pushing. "Have a great day at work. Catch the bad guys for me. Love you!"

   Jim Hopper decided it was better to just leave the teens alone this morning.

   "Assholes!" Camille called, earning two matching hyena cackles in response. "See if you can get me to play dress up now."

   She sucked in her cheeks, hid clear amusement, and went into the kitchen to get it started because curiosity was just too good.

   It was going to be a long day with these boys.

[greyfongschemmenti]

Under Pressure 6|15

FryeArcana

Chapter 6

Rei

Summary:

Tensions are rising but not in the city this time it's at work when a certain coworker make advances at you right when things aren't going great between you and Lin.

“sure doesn’t seem that way, she seems to like you a lot” Lin smirks, enjoying how upset you’re getting. “that’s her fault, not mine. besides it’ll never happen.” You rebutted as you turn around and take a couple steps away “why is that?” she asks noticing your shift “Cause she’s not you, Lin!” you burst out turning around to face her. You breathe deeply slightly panting “she’s not you…” you breathe out.

You’ve been feeling like yesterday was too weird for you being all professional at your job around Lin, so you felt cutting back and go back to how it was before but keeping some boundaries. You’re taking your helmet off when you notice Lin walking beside you “Morning, Chief” you greet her. She stops at her tracks and turns around to watch you mount off your bike and you ruffle your hair since it got flatten by the helmet. “morning, Lieutenant” she grumbles “you got that plan ready for my desk?” she asks you flatly as the both of you walk inside the building you open the door for her. “just about, got new information last night. Want to discuss the plan in my office?” Lin stiffens up a bit unsure on what to say “sure, now?” she looks up and watches the elevators rise as they go up to the upper floor. “whenever you’re available, chief” you give her a soft smile as you wave then head to your office.

You turn on the lights and take your jacket off as you’re in a buttoned up shirt, since you didn’t come back to the office you left your uniform jacket here. You go to your closet and change out, unbuttoning your shirt you hear a knock and quickly buttoned yourself back up and go to the door, “oh Rei, morning. Something wrong?” you look around confused to what she’s doing here in front of you. “oh no, everything is fine. I was coming up to hand Saikhan his queries and since you’re on the way I thought I could offer some coffee?” she sheepishly smiles as she offers you a cup. You look down at her then eye her “oh…nice. I appreciate it, thanks, Rei” you give her a smile “I should get back to work though, busy day” you step back trying to pull away from this “oh sure, you and your detectives are always constantly working.” She giggles as she tugs on her papers to her chest. You softly tap on the cup and nod curling your lips to a smile “yeah, we are. Well.. thanks for the coffee again, I’ll catch you around, bye” you nicely excuse yourself as you wave at her and close the door.

You set the cup of coffee on your desk and head back to the closet and unbutton your shirt and hang it in the closet as you grab your uniform jacket. You hear another knock at your door, you think it’s Rei, so you don’t answer. There is another knock, you groan as you button the bottom ones up “you know I can sense you in there” you hear Lin’s voice as she opens the door and let’s herself in closing the door behind her. She watches you button your uniform jacket up; you would’ve missed the blush creep into her cheeks if you weren’t looking at her. “Sorry, Chief. You’re always welcome in. Not like I have a choice” you smirk as you straighten out your sleeves and collar then walk over to your desk. “Right, well if you’re done doing whatever it is you’re doing we can get on with the plan on these triads.” Lin looks you over then sees the mess of paper in your office “what the flameo is all this?”. Now it’s your turn for a blush to creep up as you rub the back of your neck “my investigation, well Chief I’m a visual learner so it helps to spread out the information. Though I should’ve cleaned up, but it would mess with my process.” You walk over to crouch down and gather the papers in their stacks, cleaning up a bit. “leave it, wouldn’t mess with whatever process you have.” Lin orders and you stand up and walk back to your desk “very well, I know this looks like it makes no sense, but I’ve actually made a report of my findings that explains all this” you motion towards the area of the board, map, and papers. “you want to come around here and check this out” you motion her to come to your desk and offer your chair as she sits down as you lean over and point at a smaller version of the city’s map and an outline of your findings. “so as I said yesterday on the plans the Triple Threats have on this shipment. I’ve learned that it’s going to happen Friday night, 10 to be specific, during the pro-bending match. It’s going to happen at this dock here…” you grab a red fine tip marker and lean over Lin as you circle around the location. “I figure we would get two unmarked cars to stakeout and 3 boats on the ready until the opportune time to have them surrounded and strike.” You make marks at where each satomobile and boat would be placed to hide then you continue to draw arrows in the direction they would come in on the attack. You’re into the report that you don’t catch Lin’s glances as she listens to you work, until you finish and look over at her and see her eyes. Just now noticing how close your faces are to one another, your eyes glance down at her lips before looking back at her eyes. you lean in a bit but catch yourself, frowning a bit and pull away. Standing up straight, clearing your throat “well that’s the plan… hopefully it’s to your approval, Chief”. Lin looks down at your plan and looks it over once more taking it all in, “yes, it sounds promising. Very well in 3 days’ time, Friday we’ll move in. Is that all you have?” she stands up from your chair and makes her way towards the door “yes, Chief. Anything else you’ll be the first to know.” You state as you gather the papers together, but you don’t hear Lin leave yet “I didn’t know a secretary’s job description was to deliver coffee.” You quickly look up glancing over at the coffee then at her “I’m sorry?” your voice confused by her sudden comment “I saw that girl yesterday and again this morning both instances having to do with coffee.” She coldly states as she turns back around to face you “oh, that. It’s nothing. Nothing but an act of kindness between one friend to another” you calmly explain without giving it another thought. “some friend she is….to come several floors just to give a “friend” a cup of coffee.” You smirk “I understand how it must look to you, but despite your jealousy. Nothing is going on between Rei and I.” Lin huffs out “Jealous? please” she opens the door and walks out closing the door.

*

“almost done” you grunt as you tightened a screw, then put the object up in front of you admiring your work. Ever since the Equalist Revolution you didn’t want to be left without some sort of armor without having to rely on the police armor. After work, you decided to work on building your own, Asami let you use some of her scraps of metal sheets. You’ve easily bended some sheets to create forearm sleeves added a metal pipe for the cables to run through along the sleeve. You don’t have enough metal to make a full chest plate so you decided to make a back brace to which you can attach spool in the similar fashion that Lin wears hers on her back. You’ve spent the remainder of the day on this personal project of yours.  Once you were almost done you head outside and tested it out on the side of your apartment building. You bend out the cable and scale up the side of the building, there is some coiling issues, and a couple loose bolts but you it’s a quick fix. You scale back down the building and fix the issues before putting up your protective armor in a locked cabinet. “this looks so cool, especially over my clothes” you mutter then yawn, “damn I’m tired” you head up to your bedroom and shower getting ready for bed.

*

Next Day

           You groan as you push yourself off the ground and get back in a fighting stance. Wiping the bead of sweat from the tip of your eyebrow as you start charging Rei dodging the fire she’s sending down at you. You start bending rocks at her before you launch yourself up and punch the ground sending columns out of the group sending Rei down to the ground. You breathe hard catching your breath as you see Rei knocked on her back, you walk over and look at her “yield?” she nods and laughs taking your hand as you pull her up. You smile as you massage your fingers and start unwrapping your wrists from the bindings, “you’re good at sparing, Rei. Thanks again for agreeing” you breathe out as Rei has a towel dabbing on her neck “oh no problem, glad I could help.” She smiles at you “thought may I ask why me?.” you look up at her as you slowly stop unwinding the bindings “oh, I would’ve asked Mako or avatar Korra but he’s out of the office. Since you’re the only other firebender I know. I figured I should ask.” You explain to her as you look down at your wrists flexing your hands “but why fire?” Rei turns her body in your direction, “hmm? Oh well I had this incident with a firebender when I was a kid. Where I got burned pretty badly. It’s how I got this mark on my bicep, I have another on the left side of my back” you show her your arm where the mark is. She reaches over and touches your mark and you step back moving your arm away. You don’t feel right having her touch you like this. “sorry” she is quick to apologize to you and you shake your head “it’s fine…I’m a good fighter. Though I do have some timidness fighting against fire. I guess I still have some reservations on that incident, so I want to get better. A better understanding on a firebender’s fighting style.” You state as you pace in the training arena “that’s smart. You say you have reservations, but I didn’t notice any during the sparing.” Rei looks at you while you walk and grabs a drink of water. You smirk “well I trust you enough to know you’re not going to do anything below the belt.” you chuckle a bit and a silence comes between the two of you as you unwrap the other binding from your left wrist. Rei walks up to you and lifts your chin with a finger, so you’ll look at her “I’ll never hurt you, y/n” she whispers slightly biting her lip as she leans in and presses her lips on yours. You’re in a state of shock by her sudden advance, gently put your hands on her shoulders and push her back, “what are you doing?” you look at her in disbelief. “a kiss, silly” Rei smiles as she reaches over to move some hair away from your eyes and you grab her wrist and pushes her advances off. “Stop. I know what a kiss is, the question is why?!” You put more of a distance between the two of you. “I mean it’s pretty obvious that I like you.” Rei states as she takes a step closer to you. You take another step back, “well quit it. I don’t like you like that. We’re just colleagues. Nothing romantic is going on here.” You glare at her, standing your ground as you create more boundaries. “but the glances, the talks, the flirting…” Rei stammers about confused. You look at her confused “flirting? What flirting?! There has been no flirting. I’ve joked around but there wasn’t any flirting!” you stammer over your words then sigh deeply rubbing your temple “… Rei, look, I’m sorry. You’re a nice girl and all but I’m not interested in you. At All” Rei rubs her forehead trying comprehend what’s going on “I’m sorry, I could have sworn you were gay. My gaydar is usually not wrong.” She puts her hand on her hip in disbelief.

Lin would never admit it out openly to you, but the thought of you being with someone else or anyone stepping in between, boiled her blood. She was looking for you, to ask questions about the leader Viper, but didn’t find you in your office, she asked around the hall wondering where you went off to. She heard from Detective Gang that you decided to go spar in the training ground during your lunch break. As she was about to walk in the room she see Rei go in to kiss y/n, Lin back away from the area and has her back against the wall. Balling her fists she was about to go balls blazing and her mind goes to one thing She’s closer to her age, you’re old. You’re better off alone. Yet again you get left for a younger woman. What has Lin done that not once but now twice has her romances have been taken away by a younger attractive more feminine woman. Lin was so focused in her career and had been with Tenzin for almost a decade she never thought of anything whenever Tenzin teaching that new acolyte Pema. It was part of his whole keeping up the Air Nation legacy after all. It wasn’t until she was starting to notice little things like Tenzin, coming home later than normal and drifting apart. Until he broke up with her to be with Pema, she realized how foolish she was to not notice it sooner. At least it has only been six months of her time with y/n and not ten years. You’re not going to fall for this again. Cut it off right now before anything builds further and you won’t get hurt. Build your walls back up and shut it off. Never again will you lower your wall for them. She balled her fist

“I’m gay, yea. I’m attracted to women. I’m just not attracted…to you.” You stand unsure how she going to react to that last bit it sounded a bit harsh. Her eyes glared at you “what’s not attractive about me? I’m quite the catch” she walks up to you. You quickly take steps back “I’m sure you are. You’re just not my type….” You try to ease her down gently. “oh so beautiful women aren’t your type?” she crosses her arms not taking you serious at this point. “it takes more than looks to get my attention Rei” you roll your eyes as you cross your arms, turning your back away from her, “you should leave, breaks almost over”. You sense Rei about to say something else that you ball your fists getting tired of this banter that your outburst “I like someone else! Okay. I only have eyes for her. I’m done talking about this. Get out.” You look at her wave your hands out the door as you walk away going to your gym bag. “Does she work here?” she asks, and you shake your head annoyingly “no, you don’t know her. Lunch break is over.” Before Rei can push any information out you get interrupted by none other than Lin.

Fuck

Lin was going to just walk away to prep the official break up after work until… she heard your outburst. She stood still when that bitch asked if the person you liked worked in this station and she felt your heart pulse quicker than normal before denying it. Lin grew annoyed of this bitch talking to you, so she stepped in to save you anymore torment and to just get this slut away.

“what is a secretary doing on the training grounds, only officers are permitted, Lieutenant.” She barks out to which Rei quickly grabs her things and runs out the room. Leaving you standing by the benches as you put your wrappings in your bag and grab your uniform jacket. “are you going to give me an explanation.” Lin walks into the room and closes the door behind her as she walks over to you. You look up at her as you step back to the back of the room over by the water station, “where are you going” she barks out. “what, can’t grab a drink of water” you bark back as you grab a paper cup and swig some water. You walk inside the training room intentionally getting as farther away from the door away from any wandering ears putting on the jacket, but you don’t button it up yet. “I thought it was fine since she works at the station. I didn’t think it was a problem, Chief.” You finally talk, looking down at the ground as you rub the back of your neck. “the sparing match or the kiss?” she spat out as she crossed her arms you look up fast you almost take out your neck “you saw that?!” you lower your head as you groan out lowering yourself down as you bring your hands up your hair. How the fuck, are you in this situation right now. “I think I saw plenty” Lin states. You bring your head up to look at her “oh so you saw me shove her off, then proceed to tell her that nothing was ever going to happen between me and her.” You state as you look up at her while you’re crouched down Lin rolls her eyes “I can’t take you seriously when you’re crouched down like some coward.” She snarls. You ball your fists as you stand up straight and walk right up to her, “what about now, Chief” you enunciate the last word “how is this for coward” you glare at her. “this is your place of employment not your space to mix business with pleasure” she states as she has her arms behind her back. You roll your eyes, “you know more than anyone that I take my job seriously.”

“maybe, that little shit show earlier says otherwise.” she shrugs as she hides her emotions well and takes control of the room.

“oh come on! Rei is nothing. She’s no one to me.” you raise your voice as you throw your rag to a wall. You starting to lose control of your emotions.

“sure doesn’t seem that way, she seems to like you a lot” Lin smirks, enjoying how upset you’re getting. “that’s her fault, not mine. besides it’ll never happen.” You rebutted as you turn around and take a couple steps away “why is that?” she asks noticing your shift

“Cause she’s not you, Lin!” you burst out turning around to face her, slightly panting “she’s not you…” you breathe out. Lin’s eyes widen as she takes a step back from your outburst. “control yourself Lieutenant” she says coolly undeterred by your statement. You give her a face, how the fuck is she so calm yet you’re the one on the brink of breaking you stand up straight. Lin gives yourself a moment to control your emotions and breathing “you’re right. I was out of line. This is clearly not a conversation to be having at work. Excuse me, chief” you rush pass her as you button up your uniform “take the rest of the day off, Lieutenant” Lin calls out. You shake your head as you get your belongings “I’m fine, Chief. I’ll manage” you respond back. “it wasn’t a suggestion.” She walks out of the water station as she looks at you while she walks past you “it’s an order” you look up to see her as she walks out the room. You drop your bag in defeat before you pick it up again and rush out the station, not stopping to talk to anyone especially not Rei as she’s sitting behind the lobby counter.

*

You’ve spent the afternoon at a bar drinking your thoughts away, you’ve probably been there for 3 hours until Chen recommended you go home and offered to call you a cab. You wave him off and told him you’re fine and barely even drunk. You made sure to drink enough water and one you got somber enough you stumble out the bar and buy yourself a packet of cigarettes and a lighter from a nearby corner store.

You lean against the oak bark and breathe deeply closing your eyes as you focus on the clashing of waves of the water. How could you even allow yourself to drink because of a woman. It angered you, you take a cigarette out and light it, taking a puff and smoke. Opening your eyes as you look out at the horizon watching the sunset. You’ve given up smoking for years after learning of other ways to relax and get rid of your stress, but nothing seems to work now. You don’t understand the pull between you and Lin, it almost seemed magnetic since the first time you met. There was always this underline chemistry between the two of you. Everything seemed to click and make sense when you two spent those two days in the compound. How perfect your lips met and melded together when you shared your first kiss. You subconsciously brush your lips as you think back to that moment just know. Then close your eyes to force yourself to think of something else and take another smoke. Putting your hand on your face bringing your knee up to your chest. “Wow I am pathetic” you mutter and laugh at yourself. You don’t have anyone to talk to about this, everyone is out with Korra. Tenzin is with his family visiting Air Temples. Asami went back to the south pole to talk with Varrick. Well at least I haven’t cried. That’s one good thing. You laugh again as you take another puff. You notice a band of teens meeting up near the center of the park and start playing their instruments. You listen to their jazz music and lean your head back and enjoy it. The music and the smoking seem to allow you to let go of all your bad energy.

*

“hey…..hey you… you alive?” you feel a hand on your shoulder as they shake you. You wake up suddenly and grab their wrist about to bend it back, “woah woah, I’m not here to hurt you, kid” you hear the voice as you regain your eyesight rubbing them to see clearly. You see an impoverished man “uh hi” you mutter out your throat dry, “hey you look familiar, you come here often?” he asks you as he hands you back your now put out cigarette. “uh thanks for putting that out and yeah, I usually sit at this tree often” you croak out “Oh yeah, I’ve seen you here multiple times. oh here, this might help” he takes out a canteen and hands it to you and you cautiously eye him as you reach out to it but stop yourself “It’s not poisoned or anything. It’s just water.” You take his canteen and slowly bring your lips to it and take a sip and drink the water “thanks” you gave him a smile and sit up “so who are you?” you ask him as you look around, you must’ve been asleep for half an hour to an hour. “I’m Gommu, I live over in that bush” he pointed towards it and you scratch your head Gommu, that name sounds familiar… “wait, are you the same Gommu that helped Team Avatar?” you look at him. He smiles bright and proudly “the very same” he points to himself. “so what’s a fella like you doing passed out here don’t you got a bed” he changes the conversation back to you. “huh? Oh yeah I do, but I just really enjoy the scenery here. The sounds of the waves, the feeling of the earth, the wind, I guess all there is missing is the fire and you’ll have all the elements.” Gommu smiles and nods agreeing with you “yup, which is why I live like I do. The nomadic vagabond culture is the best” he falls back putting his arms behind his head and smiles gazing up at the first starts appearing in the sky. “I remember nights I would go camping, I traveled a lot in my youth and gaze up at the stars, but I like sleeping in a bed, it beats the hard ground” you laugh then look around once again “hey Gommu, you hungry?” you look over at him “eh, I can eat. You want to fish in the river?” he asks excitingly, you chuckle “um, I don’t think we that’s legal, Gommu. No, there’s a diner close to here. My treat.” You offer as you begin to stand up and dust yourself off.

*

You and Gommu laugh over his silly stories of having to run away from a guard while he and Korra were fishing in the river. “it was weird seeing a water tribe girl frying up some fish with fire bending, but who am I to judge. All I wanted was them tasty-smelling fishies” he told while he munched on some rice and veggies. You laugh “I can’t believe Korra was fishing in the river, well now that you mention it, I can totally believe it.” You laugh some more as you put some duck into your mouth. Gommu tells you all about his time with Team Avatar down in the sewers. “wait you were a former telegraph operator for the United Forces?!” you almost choked on your food. “yup!” Gommu smiles “that’s so cool! I’ve always wondering how to send a message, but never got the hang of it” you remarked “eh it’s a trade and a skill to practice, but once you got it. It’s stuck in your brain” he poked at his temple as he squinted at you. You smile and nod as you pay for the meal and the both of you head on back to the park. “thanks, Gommu” you say to him quietly as you make way to his bush. “for what? If anything I should thank you for that meal” he rubbed his belly as he picked at his teeth. You smile “I was feeling sort of down earlier, but you helped distract my mind away from it. All my friends are out of the city at the moment. I’m glad I have at least one friend still in Republic City” you pat his shoulder. “eh don’t mention it, kid. Whenever you need a talk or got any tasty-smelling fishies. You know where to find me” he fingers guns you and winks. You wave at him then put your hand in your pocket and feel the packet of cigarettes then stop Gommu “Hey Gommu, you want this carton? I don’t really need it nor want it. Trying to break the habit. Maybe you know someone who wants it” you hand it to him, and he puts it in his pocket “sure, I know some folks” he gives you a salute as he runs over to the bush and dives in and you walk away out the park. You inhale and exhale deeply feeling a new sense of peace wave over you, something you felt lost without. But you stop dead in your tracks, where the fuck is Nox?!

[squeeneyart]

Breathe in the Salt - Chapter 11

AO3

Beta read by @thesnadger​!

Martin wants to do the right thing.

It's time to make some phone calls.

Martin resigned himself to a day of catch up. The recent circumstances hadn’t been the most conducive to completing his work tasks, but he was employed for the time being. He would wait for the right time to reopen the can of worms upstairs and in the meantime double down on the figures in front of him. The others went to work as well, going through the records they recovered from the library and verifying some information from the storage house.

After some time, he heard Sasha ask, “Martin? This place used to be a bigger fishing town, right? Before the Lukases showed up.”

Martin thought for a moment. “I don’t think it was that great to begin with? I’m sure they didn’t help, but the problem started long before I was born. There may be some people old enough to remember when things were a bit better, but it’s always been a shaky business despite the proximity to the sea.” He paused, then asked, “Is there a reason you’re looking into this? Doesn’t sound very ghost-related.”

Sasha tapped her pen on the table. “It helps to get a timeline of major events. Even if there are coincidences, a broader historical picture often helps with places where the phenomena are… far reaching.”

“What, did the lighthouse eat all the fish?” Martin laughed, but it quickly died as he continued to think about it. “...Could it do that?”

“Doubtful,” Jon said, keeping his eyes glued to his laptop. “It’s possible the family saw an existing, natural decline in job prospects and swooped in to create an even bigger vacuum they could then fill. Nothing supernatural, just horrid people finding a  good opportunity.”

Tim snorted. “While they just so happened to buy and operate a possessed lighthouse?”

Jon looked over his screen. “People can have multiple motivations. For example, Peter Lukas apparently enjoys boating and taking the possessions of others for the fun of it. The two aren’t necessarily related.” His eyes dropped back to his task.

“Fair enough. Maybe someone in the family won it in a bet, then? Swiped it from some evil lighthouse keeper.” Tim wiggled his fingers.

Martin laughed silently through his nose and went back to work, assuming his part of the conversation was completed. If he’d learned anything from the situation earlier that morning, it was to quit before weird personal details about his deadbeat fisherman dad came out and ruined the mood.

The three continued to debate possible motivations and causes, eventually trailing off and lapsing into a focused silence. The scratches of pen on paper mingled with the tapping of the keyboard. It created an arrangement that echoed over itself in a round, filling the space and tunneling upward along the staircase. Despite himself, Martin strained to hear anything that felt out of place, but he could feel no intent in the repetition. It was loud, but it was the normal, unnerving loud he’d become accustomed to over the last few months.

There wouldn’t be anything, as long as he kept the dial in the correct position. Not anything he could perceive, anyway. Were they listening, even if they couldn’t stockpile his words? Were they seething at his decision? Were they-

Martin gritted his teeth, willing himself to focus on the page in front of him. The group would call Naomi soon, and if she responded they would be one step closer to confirming his suspicions. For the time being, he would sit with his churning insides and wait.

Relief came at eleven with his lunch hour, which the others were considerate enough to wait for. He barely tasted the sandwich he’d thrown together that morning. There was a heightened atmosphere spread across him and the others, a buzz of excitement. After hours of necessary but tedious paperwork and discussion, it was time again for action.

Sasha dialed the number and waited, drumming her fingers on a pad of paper in front of her. “Available number,” she mouthed, giving a thumbs up. A few seconds passed, and she frowned and ended the call. “But, of course, it is no longer her number. I would change mine too, if people were tailing me.”

They all slumped in their chairs and braced themselves for a long, slow afternoon as Sasha looked at her pad of paper and dialed the first number on the list of many, many Naomi Hernes.

Some answered with varying levels of politeness, mostly responding with “never heard of the place” or “the name doesn’t ring any bells”. Otherwise, she left a short, scripted voicemail giving little information other than Evan’s name in hopes that Naomi would take the bait. She kept their institute out of it entirely.

When asked why, Sasha explained that this part of the investigation would have to be off record. Evidently, the Magnus Institute encouraged thorough research until it involved digging into its own benefactors. Unless they discovered a lead that didn’t implicate the Lukas family, they would be on their own.

The minutes ticked on, dragging more and more with the lack of success. After thirty minutes of fruitless calls, Sasha said, “It may take a while. We don’t know her schedule or if she’s even on this list. I was able to go off her last recorded location, but that’s about it.” Sasha leaned back in her chair, stretching her shoulders.

Jon pulled his laptop back in front of him. “We’ll need to give her time. If she’s aware of the Lukases keeping tabs on her, she’ll probably be wary of us. Keep going through the list. Tim and I will continue with the rest.”

Martin sat around for the rest of his lunch hour, losing hope with each passing call. He ought to have considered how long it could take to reach her, or that she might not answer at all. Why would she? What reason did she really have to trust a bunch of strangers?

He looked down at his phone, mindlessly flipping between apps before settling on his notes. Under Naomi’s old number was the one for Evan’s mobile, locked safely away in the storage house. Running his thumb up and down the side of his phone, he peeked up at the others through his bangs.

“I know we’re waiting to hear back from Naomi, but-” They looked at him, and he swallowed hard. “We know who it probably is, right? We have something he would know, and we could even-”

“Sorry, Martin, but that’s a big ‘no’ from me,” Tim said, crossing his arms. “If it’s him, he can wait a bit longer. If it’s not, then there could be something bad on the other side that we’re not ready to deal with, something that might even pretend to be him given the opportunity.”

There was an edge to his voice that made Martin shrink sheepishly in his seat. Tim’s face grew soft. “You want to help. I get it, but we should play it safe for now. Once we’re certain of the situation, we’ll do the heroic thing and release his trapped soul or get him out of the sound booth he’s locked himself in or whatever it is that needs to be done.”

Martin nodded glumly and looked back at his phone. After a moment, a notification popped up on the screen.

Tim: and if we get him out and hes as hot as they say he was, then who knows ;)

All the tension in Martin’s shoulders was released with a high-pitched snicker that his hand failed to stifle. The other two turned their gazes on him. Martin’s ears turned beet red at the attention he’d brought upon himself. Jon shot a suspicious glance at Tim, whose broad smile denied nothing.

--

By twenty minutes to four, there had been no sign of the person they were hoping for, ignoring  one response by someone who thought they were being hilarious. Martin had only one task remaining before it was time to leave, and once his things were carefully packed away he walked over to the stairs and placed a hand on the rail. From behind him came the sound of chairs squeaking against hard tile.

Looking over his shoulder, he saw the three had all risen from their seats and were shooting surprised looks at each other.

Martin sighed. “I’m just going up for my normal work stuff. I won’t be touching anything I’m not supposed to.” Not that the thought hadn’t crossed his mind, but if he’d wanted to do anything there in secret, which he didn’t, there was no point in doing so when other people in the building could hear every amplified word.

“Well, I’ll be coming up anyway. Might as well get a better look at what buttons you’re pressing.” Tim jogged over, waving a hand at the other two dismissively and calling over his shoulder, “Don’t worry, I’ve got this. Keep an ear on the phone and text us if something comes up.” Jon and Sasha, who’d clearly been about to walk over and join them, sat down despite their visible apprehension. Tim started up the stairs, leaving Martin to trail behind.

Before long, Tim began to rely more and more on the handrail to keep his balance. About halfway up the stairs, he held up a hand for Martin to stop and dropped his head.

“Okay,” he said, flexing his grip on the rail. He took a moment to breath. “Okay, I’m good. Damn this place, though.”

When they reached the top, Tim faced the stairs and, at a regular speaking volume, said, “Hello? Tim Stoker to Boss Man.” He waited, then checked his phone. “Huh. Guess sound does have limits in this place. Good to know.” Tim smiled at Martin. “Let’s see those switches, then.”

Martin could see that Tim’s eye was just as drawn to the dial as Martin’s as they approached the panel. Martin slowed down his process, taking care to show Tim what he was doing with the different buttons and knobs, and Tim seemed to be taking notes on his phone.

“If it would help, I have a list of everything I do up here on my desk. My handwriting isn’t the best, but it’s legible.” Martin continued to complete the steps without thinking, allowing muscle memory to take over. “Not that I’ve looked at it super recently. I also have the version in my work contract? But that would have to wait ‘til tomorrow.”

Tim nodded, shoving his phone in his pocket. “Sounds like a plan. Who knows, maybe there’s a hidden ‘I cede my right to file a claim against any injury due to imprisoned spirits’ clause or something in the fine print.” Martin laughed weakly but said nothing. Leaning on the side of the panel, Tim looked at him. “You really think it’s the guy? Evan?”

Martin’s finger slipped, missing a button entirely. “...Yeah. I can’t think of anything else it could be? And I get it, there are some things I don’t know about-”

“Lots of things, actually. Look,” Tim stood up straight, crossing his arms. “I’m not usually the lecturing type, but you seem like a well-meaning guy, and this thing could very well be taking that from your voice and turning it back on you.” There was an unmistakable discomfort, though Tim was doing his best to look authoritative. “You’re not used to this stuff, but most of it ends up being not so nice.”

Resuming his task, Martin looked down and asked, “Have you ever… studied something like that?”

From the corner of Martin’s eye, he could see Tim shift a bit and lean against the panel again. “They’re something I’ve worked on, yeah.”

After a final flip of a switch, Martin looked back at Tim whose gaze was firmly centered on the window. Martin rolled his fingertips on the surface of the panel. “Any personal experiences or advice? For my benefit?”

Tim took some time to think, and without taking his eyes from the window responded, “If you can shut them up, make sure they stay that way.” Tim let out a breath through his nose. “And if someone’s got by one, chances are they won’t be kept alive. Once a copy is made, there’s no reason to keep the original.”

The bitter twinge in Tim’s voice warned against the questions forming on the tip of Martin’s tongue. If Tim was talking from experience, the specifics were none of Martin’s business.

“Oh.”

“Yeah.” Tim shook his head. “So, since I was the one who turned the dial, do me a favor and keep away from it?” When Martin nodded in agreement, Tim uncrossed his arms and pushed himself off the panel. “Good. It’s a deal then. Now, when we get back down, we can pretend to have had a riveting talk about how fish hate your town.”

--

Once they were back on the main floor, disappointment washed over Martin. “Was it too much to expect anything back so soon?” He looked through his bag, making sure he hadn’t forgotten anything.

“You get used to it.” Sasha paused from collecting some papers to watch him sulk in his corner. “Can’t tell you how many follow-up calls I’ve made that led to nothing.”

“Or all the numbers we’ve gotten that were for takeout places,” Jon grumbled.

“I dunno, I’ve been pretty lucky with numbers.” Tim winked at Sasha, who shoved some of the papers into his arms.

Martin smiled, though Tim’s comment reeked of forced levity. He zipped up his bag and walked to the door. “Let me know if anything comes up?”

“Of course.” Jon pushed himself out of his chair and walked at a brisk pace to meet him. “Could I have a word with you, before you head home?” He opened the door and gestured outside.

“Oh. Sure?” He avoided Tim’s very pointed eye contact and walked through the door. Jon followed behind with his arms wrapped around himself, his thin, long-sleeved shirt doing nothing for him in the cold. “Do you need to-”

“I’ll be back inside in a moment.” His stubbornness did nothing to protect him from the shivers. “About tonight.”

With all excitement and distraction gone, the weight that had been balancing precariously in Martin’s chest dropped to his stomach like a lead ball. “Is there a way to make this not horrible?”

Jon frowned. “I don’t know the full circumstances, but ultimately, I believe you’ll be doing the right thing.” He placed a tentative hand on Martin’s shoulder and gave it a stiff pat. He immediately retracted his hand and wrapped it back around himself, keeping his eyes on anything but Martin. “You know her better than I do. I’m sure you’ll be able to handle it.”

Martin clung to that confidence and the feeling of pressure from Jon’s hand. “Okay...” He took a large breath. “Okay. I should get going then. No point in putting it off.”

Jon nodded his head and hurried back inside, leaving Martin to walk home with more courage than he’d managed to gather for himself. As the sun drifted closer to its exit, Martin latched onto that little encouragement and thought of what to say.

“Hi, Mum. I found your skin? No, that sounds weird-”

“I know there are things I don’t understand, but-”

“Mum, I found this in the attic. I know it’s yours. Do you want to-”

“A guy from work said to give you this? Wait, no-”

And so he continued, muttering under his breath all the ways he could broach the subject without it being a complete disaster.

This could change things.

Would she scream? He’d never heard her truly scream. It wasn’t her way, but this could unlock something so much worse than he’d known. How dare he bring this to her if she’d hidden it for a good reason? That seemed a likely reaction.

Would she talk to him about her time in the water? Would she reminisce about a time before things went wrong, when he would watch her from the porch? Too hopeful to consider, but nice to think about.

Perhaps she would tell him to return it to the attic, and it would never be spoken of again. Things would be as they always were, just with a new secret to hang over them both. Another weight on their shoulders, another little barrier keeping them from being anything but what they had been for decades now.

Jon had said it would be the right thing to do. He would know about these things more than Martin, right? His word had to be worth something. No matter how she might react, this had to happen sooner or later.

The walk home sped past like nothing. The front door was before him, and then closed behind, and he felt more than ever like he was on a track, being moved from place to place without any consultation of his will. The night proceeded like clockwork, dinner prepared and completed with only his voice and the occasional terse response from his mother for filler noise. It wasn’t yet time.

The fog had rolled in thick as evening turned to night, and they looked out into it from the front porch, her breaths steady and bracing. Through his barely open eyes, Martin saw a hint of rolling waves before the salt brought out the tears and washed away his vision.

He walked his mother back inside and helped her prepare for bed. Once she was settled against the headboard, Martin coughed and began in a low, gentle tone. “Mum. Can I talk to you about something?”

She frowned, tired contempt rippling across her face. ��Must you now? You’ve had all night to talk.”

Martin clenched and unclenched his teeth. “It’s important. Please, it’s...it’s about something I found in the attic.”

His mother froze, her hand gripping the quilt on her lap. Annoyance gave way to a wide, blank stare that brushed just over his shoulder. “I did not ask you to retrieve anything from there.”

Martin shrank back. “Yes, I know. I just went up to make sure there hadn’t been a-any issues with the roof after some of the rain recently since we keep some things in storage up there, and I wanted t-”

“Bring it to me. Now.” Her voice was quiet, almost too quiet for him to hear.

“Oh. Right. Of course.” Martin stood too quickly, grabbing the rickety bedside table for balance and causing a loud thump as one of its legs slammed into the ground. The dim lamp on top of it wobbled, creating unnerving shadows on the walls. He winced. “Sorry. I’ll be right back.”

He left the room and let himself breathe. Okay, he thought, this was a good thing. He walked up the stairs two at a time with his long legs, speeding down the hall while keeping his footsteps as quiet as possible. She wanted him to bring it to her. He would do as she ordered. Everything would be okay, he told himself, ignoring the strange sinking feeling in his gut.

It was where he’d left it, folded loosely in the corner to avoid any possible creasing. It pressed heavily into his hands, and he brushed off a little more dust as he walked back down the stairs. At his mother’s door, he paused and adjusted it one more time to a position he felt was the most dignified. Then, he entered the room.

She was looking out her window, through the misted glass and into the fog that surrounded their home. Her hands were limp over the quilt, one placed gently on top of the other. When the door clicked shut behind him, there was an almost imperceptible turn of her head, though he couldn’t see anything but her clenched jaw.

“Mum? I’ve brought it. Do you want me to place it on the bed? I-”

His mother turned to face him fully, and as her eyes locked onto him a torrent of pure fury slammed into his chest. He stumbled, the selkie skin almost escaping his large, clumsy hands.

“Give it to me.” Her rasping voice made Martin’s throat hurt, and her neck seemed to throb with effort. When he failed to move his legs, she forced out, “now, you stupid man!”

He tripped forward, and when he was within reach she snatched the skin from him. She clasped it to her chest just as Jon had that morning, with the same smoothing motion over its surface. Unsure of what to say, he became a statue. Every muffled intake of air burned down into his chest.

Taking in a shuddering breath, his mother whispered, “Leave.”

“What?” There was a painful crack in his voice.

“Leave me alone.”

--

The only thing he could see were his own near-faded footsteps as he climbed up the cliff side, the fog doing well to obscure the surrounding foliage.

He needed to be out of the damned fog. That’s why he’d fled the house, and the beach, and the crashing waves. That’s all it was down there, a house adrift in grey nothing, and he was too loud of a presence to truly give her solitude with his tramping feet on the floorboards upstairs.

It was past sundown when he reached the end of his climb, and the corner lights looked as much as they had the night before. As they had on any other night he’d spent wandering the dark, emptying streets. Pulling his coat more tightly around himself, Martin marched forward, drawn to the only other place to which he had a key.

He looked up before he could think too hard about it, and the sky bore down on him until all he could do was fall back into the gaping pit waiting just behind his heel. Had it felt like this before? Yes, it had, hadn’t it? A giant emptiness in the ground waiting to swallow him whole, and as he had seen it, so from it the vertigo had come. Only now it was polite enough to slow down and let him see the horror below.

He woke up on the ground with a groan, just outside of the florist shop. It was closed for the night, and there was no one inside or out to stare as he lifted himself out of a puddle, the arm of his coat soaked through with water. He was halfway through trying to regain some semblance of focus when he realized his glasses had fallen from his nose and were now lying on the ground beside him.

Relieved that his impaired vision was no worse than usual, he reached over to pick up his glasses. As he did so, he glimpsed at the water’s surface, and for just a moment the blurry vision of his face looked just enough like someone else. He gasped, snatching his glasses and scrambling to sit on the curb.

She’d never called Martin that. She’d had other ways of showing her frustration with him, but that… that had been for someone else. Of course. He hadn’t even thought to warn her of his re-entry, so he had gone into her room and with just that lamp by her bed the doorway must’ve been so dark-

The pounding in his head grew more fervent, and he curled into himself until he faced the ground, head between his knees. As the minutes crawled by, the pain began to subside, and eventually he was able to stand, even if there was a slight shake to his legs.

“Twenty years and still you don’t learn.”

He continued without reason, thankful for the empty road ahead, his arm going cold in its dripping sleeve.

[nctwd127]

Arranged Marriage.

Chapter Thirteen.

Word Count: 3154

Notes: This is just a sad chapter overall and I was lowkey in my feelings when I was writing this. There was one scene here that I felt in my soul when I wrote it, lets see if can tell which one it is. 

Once the sun set, Lucas and I pulled away from each other and acted as if nothing happened. It didn’t feel weird or awkward. The walk back to the car was quiet. The path was a little dark for my eyes to adjust well too so I didn’t see the branch on the floor causing me to trip.

I squealed when I went forward and knocked into Lucas’s back. “Are you okay?’ he asked turning to me worried, holding me by the arms. “Yeah sorry, I just didn’t see that branch. Did I hit you too hard?”

He smiled at me, “Nothing I need to go to the hospital for.” I smiled back hitting his arm. “Give me your hand so that you don’t trip again.” He took hold of my hand and laced our fingers together before he started walking again.

Even after we got out of the path and into the park, he didn’t let go of my hand. Not like I wanted him too anyway. We walked over to the car hand in hand, with the bouquet of flowers in my other hand. As always, he opened the car door for me before he got into his side.

The drive back to my house wasn’t long enough and that made me upset because I was back to my reality. The one where afternoons like this only exist every once in a while instead of all the time. Where afternoons like this made living with Yuta a nightmare because once I stepped inside he’d go crazy.

Parked in front of my house, Lucas got out and opened my door again. I thanked him as he walked me to the door. “Thank you so much for this afternoon Lucas, really. You have no idea how much it meant to me.”

“Of course, I’d do anything to see you as happy as you were today.”

We hugged each other goodbye and parted ways. I watched as he drove away, waving me goodbye before I walked into my home. Bracing myself for whatever commotion Yuta was going to cause.

Walking into the house, only the light of the hallway was on. It was quiet and no sound was heard in the halls. “Yuta?” I called out, walking to the kitchen looking for something to put my flowers in. I didn’t hear an answer so I carried on about my business.

I arranged the flowers in the vase to my liking before I took them to my room. Once satisfied with my arrangement I turned with the vase in hands to head out. But almost dropped them when I saw Yuta leaning against the wall with his arms crossed over his chest and a hard expression on his face.

“Nakamoto, what the fuck! You scared me!” I exclaimed walking past him to head up to my room. He quietly followed behind me all the way up to my room. He welcomed himself inside and just stared as I set the flowers down on my dresser.

“Who gave you those flowers?” He asked, his voice stern. “You already know who so I don’t know why you’re asking.” I answered moving away to admire them and then turning to look at him. Yuta looked angry but that wasn’t new.

He took a step forward and I stayed in place. I wasn’t going to back down to him anymore. I was tired of having to defend everything I did and who I did it with. He didn’t own me and I definitely didn’t owe him shit.

“Where did you go?” He questioned when he stood face to face with me.

“Look.” I sighed before bringing my stare back to him. “This is the first good day I’ve had in the past two weeks, don’t ruin it for me Yuta.”

“Then stop doing stupid shit you know is going to piss me off. It’s that simple princess.” He shot back. I scoffed and walked away from him. “Get out of my room. I don’t have to give you explanations for anything that I do or don’t do.” I held the door open for him.

“I hate to break it to you princess but you do. We’re engaged now. You owe me explanations especially when you go out with people I told you I don’t want you around.” He argued back staying put in the middle of my room.

“You don’t own me. And most definitely don’t give me orders Nakamoto. I am free to see anyone and everyone I want. Your words mean nothing to me.” I spat back. He walked over to me and grabbed me by the arm.

“You sure you want to play this game with me princess? I already warned you once, I am capable of so much more than you think. Don’t test me.” He warned me, his grip tightening more. His eyes pierced into mine making it hard to keep the contact but I didn’t want to give into him again.

“Then stop provoking me and I won’t provoke you. It’s that simple Nakamoto.” I mocked him pulling away from him. He actually let go and backed up with a smirk resting on his face.

It’s like he gets pleasure out of our fighting.

“I’m just saying (Y/N), you could be having good days with me too if you would just accept this.” He stated, his voice hiding an emotion I couldn’t quite pick up. I looked at him in disbelief.

“As if I could ever.”

“You did before.”

“What?” I breathe out.

The anxiety of him probably remembering me started to build up. I could feel the way my chest started to tighten as the seconds passed and my hands get clammy. My eyes searched his for any kind of answer but none was given.

“Back when we were friends, we used to have good days left and right. But then you all of a sudden just turned on me.” Yuta sounded hurt, he was hurt. His face showed clear signs of sadness and that hit me hard.

Harder than it should have.

“After my accident, you got distant. You wouldn’t call me or text me like before. You didn’t want to hang out with me anymore. I tried time and time again to see you and just nothing. You were someone I called my best friend and then you left me like if I was nothing to you.”

To this day, he still doesn’t know I was in that accident with him. To this day, he still believes that I was away for the summer.

With the fresh wave of emotions hitting me, I turned my back to him hiding away the tears I felt burn my eyes. Hurting and aching over my own loses, I never stopped for a second to think about how Yuta felt when I stopped appearing in his life as often as I did and then just all together, erased myself from his life.  

It’s been three months since the accident and Yuta has still showed no signs of getting his memory back or even remembering anything related to us. I locked myself away in my room, spending every waking moment crying and aching.

Mourning the losses of two people I loved, in the silence that only made things worse but it was out of the question to ever bring this out into the open for people to know.

The version of Yuta that I fell in love with and our baby were only mine. No one was going to take that away from me. Those memories are only mine and no one else’s.

The first three months of the school year, I was home schooled because I couldn’t make it past my bedroom door. I couldn’t step into the real world past the walls of my home.  

Yuta came around as often as he could but seeing him knowing he’s not the same person I had in my arms, was too much for my mental health. After the first month and half, the nightmares started happening so I asked my parents to stop letting him in. Not understanding the state I was in, no questions were asked and they just did it.

He blew up my phone with calls, texts, and endless notifications of just anything that my phone was off during the day and turned on only at night when I knew he was sleeping.

[Osaka Prince]: Where you been butt cheek?

[Osaka Prince]: Let’s hang out, I miss seeing you.

[Osaka Prince]: I miss you. Answer my calls. Or my texts. Anything. Let me know you’re alive.

[Osaka Prince]: Did I do something to you? Why did you tell your parents to not let me in?

[Osaka Prince]: I’m sorry for whatever I did. Please talk to me. I want to fix this, I don’t want to lose our friendship.

At the start of the New Year, with much hesitation, I decided to attend school again. My parents were fine with whatever I decided that was better for me, my depression was still high but I knew it was time I stepped out of my house.

Maybe I should have waited a little longer.

Ignoring Yuta in the comfort of my house was easy but it was very different seeing him at school. Where I couldn’t run away and hide, where I couldn’t cry as freely as I had in my house. Any class I had with him, I switched out of and made sure our free times never matched.

I even made three new friends to spend most of my time with. New people that could ease the pain I carried in the depths of my soul.  

[Osaka Prince]: (Y/N) this is getting ridiculous. You won’t answer my calls or text and now you’re ignoring me at school too? You won’t even look at me?

[Osaka Prince]: I miss you so much. I want my best friend back (Y/N), bring her back.

[Osaka Prince]: Don’t do this to me, please. I need you in my life, you’re my best friend. Please.  

[Osaka Prince]: Who were those guys you were hanging out with? I haven’t seen them before. Are they new? Why was that one bunny looking guy all over you?

Every time the word ‘friend’ was read in his text messages, it felt like a knife was being plunged into the depths of my heart.

Without realizing it, the tears fell and I couldn’t help but audibly weep into my hands. I could still see his texts play behind my eyelids as if I had read them yesterday. I could still see his face clear as day when I walked past him when he stood in front of me trying to talk to me. I forced myself to look past him, to not even acknowledge his presences.  

Yuta didn’t say anything, he came behind me and wrap his arms around my shoulders, holding me. I wanted this to be home, I wanted this be more. I wanted him to comfort me when I lost our baby but he didn’t because he couldn’t. He didn’t know me the way I knew him. I wanted him to fucking remember me.

But it was too late, I didn’t want this anymore. I just wanted my life back. Even if that meant that it would change the way things were now. Things that maybe I didn’t want to change.

I turned in his hold and pushed against his chest so he could let me go. “Leave.”

“What?” He asked, confused. His eyes searched for something more in mine.

“Leave! Please just get out and leave me alone Yuta. I don’t want to see you anymore.” I started to get worked up causing the volume in my voice to raise. He stepped closer and I stepped back. “Don’t come closer to me. Please just leave.”

There were so many different and new emotions running through Yuta that he didn’t know what to do with himself. He felt overwhelmed and frustrated at how easy my whole demeanor towards him changed in the snap of a finger.

Last night felt right, felt like something we did a lot despite it only being the second time we did what we did. Somewhere in his heart, he felt like it was normal. Waking up and seeing my face as the first thing, filled him with a warmth.

Yuta started to feel the faint feeling of being home.  

And now today I’m crying in his face about the things he said, yelling at him to leave. He was confused and hurt.

“I don’t fucking get you!” He barked before stomping out of my room. I heard his footsteps go all the way downstairs and then the front door being opened and then slammed closed. The engine of his car roared through the night and then sped away.

I dropped to my knees, hunched over and banging on the floor with my fist, “This isn’t fucking fair!” I yelled, choking on my tears. “I wish I didn’t know what it was like to love you Yuta. I wish I could forget about everything the way the memories were wiped out of you.”

The ach in my throat from crying all night, bothered me all morning as I got ready to attend my classes for the day. Yuta didn’t seem to have come home last night as his bedroom was still opened, when it was always closed and his car wasn’t in the driveway either when I walked out.

Pulling into the parking lot, the boys were there waiting for me like usual expect Doyoung wasn’t there. Something told me that it wasn’t for a good reason. I don’t think I could handle anything else after last night right now. I got out of the car and went right into Hendery’s and Ten’s arms.

They didn’t hesitate to hold me tight against them. “You okay?” Ten mumbled against my hair. I sighed and nodded my head no. I stepped away from them with a sad smile and went to Lucas.

“What’s wrong?” Lucas cooed wrapping his arms around me, tight. Hendery and Ten looked at each other confused, trying to read each other’s expression. They felt like this missed out on something by the way Lucas and I hugged each other.  

“Where’s Doyoung?” I asked into Lucas’s chest. He tensed under my head and the other two boys cleared their throats not sure what they were supposed to answer. “That was enough of an answer.” I pulled away from Lucas just enough to turn in his hold to face them.

“I’m okay not knowing today.” I lied.

We agreed to meet for lunch at our usual place and parted ways. Lucas walked me to class and on the way there, I explained to him last night. This time I wasn’t emotional, just numb. There wasn’t much or anything he could do to make this better but his presences around me was more than enough to help me sooth.  

Walking in to the room, there was no sign on Yuta. The lesson passed by and he never showed. The rest of the day went by and still nothing. Jaehyun wasn’t in the last lesson either. And according to the boys, no one saw Sicheng or Taeyong all day either. So it was safe to assume that they were all together and Yuta was fine.

Unlocking the door to my home, I stepped in to be greeted by the obnoxious sounds of boys yelling at the television in the living room. I don’t know why I didn’t cross my mind that they were here. But Yuta wasn’t sitting with them.

“Where’s Yuta?” I asked stepping in and taking their attention away from the screen. They all looked at each other, Jaehyun had his usual smirk, whereas Taeyong refused to meet my eyes. And Sicheng’s face had a mixture of two emotions I couldn’t decipher.  

Behind me, the laughter of a girl coming down the stairs was heard. And then the footsteps of whom I assume was Yuta. She stepped into the living room and stopped when she was me. To say the least, she was surprised.

So was I when I scanned her being and saw she sported fresh hickeys on her neck. Close behind her, a shirtless, now brown haired Yuta walked in, with matching marks on his neck. He didn’t bother acknowledging my existence or even sparing me a glance before he addressed his boys.

“I’m going to take her home. I’ll be back.”

He stepped out and went back up to his room to finish getting dressed, I assumed. Watching him leave, I saw how his back had fresh scratches.

The girl and I stared at each other as the boys looked between us.

“Who are you?” She asked me, the nervousness and the clear worry in her voice made me realize that she had no idea what Yuta just did.

“I’m the fiancé of the man that just fucked you in our home.” I answered with a deadpan look. This wasn’t her fault but nonetheless, it still came out harsh and hurt her.

“If you’ll excuse me now.” I announced to no one in particular and retreated into the kitchen, my feet feeling heavier than they ever have in my whole life. I let out a breath I didn’t even realize I was holding.

This hurt. It hurt a lot. In my own home. In our home.

“No, thank you. I can leave on my own. Don’t call me again.” The girl’s loud voice traveled to the kitchen, before the door opened and closed, followed by the teasing laugh of Jaehyun. He was just as bad, if not worse than Yuta.

I grabbed a bottle of water from the fridge and then went up to my room. Passing the living room, the boys were all back to whatever they were doing before I came home. Yuta sat with them now, his eyes meeting mine when I passed by.

Dropping my gaze, I went up to my room and locked myself in there for the rest of the day. Nothing and everything was running through my mind all at once.

I couldn’t help but think of last night, about what Yuta said, the way he said it and the way he expressed it. He hurt too. He was still hurt and so was I. It just added to the misery that I carried every day since then. But there was nothing I could do, not now and most definitely not then.

My heart and soul were ripped out my body in a way I could never imagine. There were scars I carried on my body that served as a constant reminder of my losses. A broken heart that never healed still bleed the deepest shade of red, every day and night that I lived.

Masterlist 

[lovemesomesurveys]

Did 2015 just fly by to you? I probably did feel that way. I usually do when looking back on each year. The only things I really remember about 2015 is graduating UC and hanging out with Ty.

Do you like platform shoes? No. I couldn’t wear them anyway.

How much black is in your wardrobe? Most of my wardrobe is black. 

Are you supposed to be doing something else? Nah, this is what I like doing at this time of night as part of my nighttime routine.

If you were with your favorite person right now, what would you be doing? I’d like finish watching this show my mom and I have been watching and check out the first two episodes of the new season of another show. 

Did you have a good holiday season? I did.

Anything special planned for today? Nope.

Who do you really trust in your life? My family.

What do you think about Justin Bieber? I like some of his music.

Do you wish you could change the past? Not entirely, but there’s a lot I wish I could change.

What is your hot drink of choice? Coffeeee.

Do you own a gun? No.

Have you ever cracked your cell phone screen? Not my current phone, but in the past I have. I haven’t had that happen in years, though.

Have your pants ever fallen down in public? No.

If you had to delete one year of your life, which year would it be? I wouldn’t want to delete an entire year. I’d like to change things that happened in various years, though.

What is your favorite article of clothing you own? All of them, which is why I have them.

How late do you usually stay up? Until like 7 or 8AM. :X

What is your favorite Christmas song? I love all the classics.

What all have you had to eat today? It’s only 4AM and so far I’ve just had ramen. 

If your entire life was a movie, what would it be called? I don’t know.

Blue or green? I like various shades of both.

What's your current least favorite song? *shrug* I haven’t been listening to music lately.

Do you know how to play chess? Nope.

What is something the world needs less and more of in your opinion? We need more unity and less stupidity and hatred.

Do you know someone who is just so breathtakingly attractive? Alexander Skarsgard.

How hard is it for you to open up to others? I have a really hard time with that. Even with people I am close to.

What is something that has really impacted your life? My physical disability for sure as well as health issues.

Quick! Chinese or Mexican? Hm. It honestly depends what food I’m in the mood for. I do have Mexican more often. I enjoyed both a lot more when I could eat spicy stuff, but I can’t anymore. :(

How many significant others have you had in your WHOLE life? I’ve only had one, technically. We had the relationship title, anyway. It didn’t feel like one, though. What I had with Joseph felt closer to one in a lot of ways, but we never officially dated. 

I have to ask: What does the last text you received say? My dad asked me to do something.

How about the last text you sent? I asked my mom if she could grab me something while she was at the store.

Have you shared any kisses today? No.

Did the last person you kissed have soft lips, or were they kind of crusty? They were soft.

Do you think your life will be any different a year from now? For the past few years nothing seems to change each passing year, but that’s largely my own doing. Not in a good way, anyway. There have been bad changes.

What is in your wallet? Credit cards.

Have you ever been in a fist fight? Nope.

When was the last time you went to the doctor? This past Tuesday. 

Are you going out of town anytime soon? Nope.

Do you hate your ex? No.

When are you going to get a haircut? I have no idea.

Can you fit your hand around your wrist? Yes. 

Have you ever hurt yourself on purpose? Yes.

When was the last time you applied chapstick? I don’t remember.

Are you a coffee person or a tea person? Coffee all the way.

Do you have a weird laugh? *shrug*

Do you have videos on YouTube? I do, but they’re all private and will never see the light of day again.

When’s the last time you had a phone conversation for more than ten minutes? I don’t remember. I rarely talk on the phone and when I do they’re very brief conversations.

Do you laugh at inappropriate times? No.

What’s your fast food restaurant of choice? The ones I go to are Chick-fil-A, Carl’s Jr, Jack in the Box, and McDonald’s. I haven’t been eating fast food much lately, though.

All the people you’ve kissed, what did their names start with? D, G, and J.

Are you in any kind of pain right now? Yes.

Are you the jealous type? I can be, but I haven’t felt that way in years.

What did you and your ex fight about most? Our issue was definitely lack of/poor communication. 

Do you have a foot phobia? I’m not afraid of feet, but I hate them lol. No one should even think about trying to put their feet on me or near me. I hate mine, too.

Well, are you a germaphobe? I don’t share drinks or eat off someone’s food or utensil or anything like that or want them to do that to mine. I’ll gladly cut off a piece and share or pour some out for ya. 

Don’t you love long hugs? From certain people.

And long kisses? Yes.

Have you ever purchased condoms? No.

Do you have a dirty mind? Sometimes.

What’s your favorite soda? I don’t drink soda anymore, but Coke and Dr. Pepper were my favorites.

Do you check the mail everyday, or somebody else? I personally don’t, but someone in my family does.

Did you think braces were cool when you were little? No.

Do you ever go without makeup or doing your hair? I haven’t worn makeup in almost 4 years and I just throw my hair up in a messy bun all the time. I also admittedly don’t brush it everyday.

Put your iTunes on shuffle RIGHT NOW and tell me the first song it plays. I don’t use iTunes and I don’t feel like opening Spotify right now.

What was the last song you added to your iTunes library? I forget the last song I added to my Spotify.

Are you embarrassed by any of the songs in your iTunes? I’m not embarrassed by any of the songs on my Spotify.

When was the last time you were sick? Back in October.

Did you get anybody else sick? No, it wasn’t contagious.

What brand is your camera? I just use my phone, which is an iPhone 12 Pro Max.

Do you like raisins? Yeah. Chocolate covered raisins, especially. ha. Who was your Valentine this year? I won’t have one.

When did you first kiss the last person you kissed? March 2011.

And when did you last kiss the last person you kissed? Sometime in 2013.

Did you borrow that shirt from somebody? Nope, it’s mine.

What was the last thing you put in your mouth? My medicine.

Do you like to swim? No.

How many vacations have you been on in the past year? My last vacay was last February a month before COVID hit and everything shut down. It’s crazy how fast everything changed and everything that has happened since then. We had no idea what was coming. I’m glad we happened to take a nice vacation when we did cause who knows when the next one will be. 

Have you ever gone on vacation with your boyfriend/girlfriend? I’m single, but no I never have in the past.

Are you supposed to be doing homework, young man/lady? Nopeee, I’m done with school.

Do you have to wake up early tomorrow? Nope.

Do you have any prescriptions currently? Yes.

Are you upset about anything? Bleh.

Where was the last place you went that you hadn't been to before? The OC.

Who was the last member of the opposite sex to make you smile? My brother.

Who was the last attractive person you saw? I see Alexander Skarsgard on my dash all the time. 

Do you have a friend whose name begins with "C"?

Is there anything happening in the next week that you're looking forward to? New episodes of some shows I’m watching to come out.

How many people have you kissed whose name starts with "R"? Zero.

When was the last time you ate a bar of chocolate? It’s been a few years. 

When was the last time you were invited to go somewhere and you declined? The other day my mom asked me if I wanted to tag along for the ride with her while she ran some errands, but I declined.

The last time you saw your best friend, what were they wearing? She was wearing a black shirt with Maleficent on it that I got her for Christmas.

How did you meet the person you're currently interested in? I’m not interested in anyone romantically right now.

What was the last gift you received and who gave it to you? Various Christmas presents from my family.

When was the last time you drank alcohol and what was the occasion? My birthday back in 2013.

You've got an unread message on Facebook; who do you want it to be from? There isn’t anyone in particular. 

What if the person you miss walked into the room right now? The people I miss have passed away, so...

Are you still with the person you fell the hardest for and if not, do you still speak to them? Nope.

What was the last song that made you cry and what does the song talk about? I don’t remember.

If you're in a relationship, how long have you been together? I’m single.

If you're single, are you looking for a relationship? No.

Look around the room; what's the closest blue object? My back pillow.

Are you attracted to the last person you Facebook messaged? No.

How old were your parents when they met? They were in their early and mid 20s.

Who was the last person you added to your phone's contacts? I don’t recall.

What's a song that reminds you of someone you miss? Everlong (the acoustic version) by Foo Fighters.

What's the most expensive item you've bought recently? It was an accumulation of things when I was doing my Christmas shopping.

Who're the last three people you hugged? My mom, dad, and doggo. 

What's the third song on your iTunes "most played" list?

What exactly is on your mind at this moment? I’m tired.

What is it that makes you awesome? Nothing.

What is today’s date? January 16, 2021.

What time is it? 4:55AM.

At this moment in time, is there anything worrying you, that no one else knows about? Yes.

Have you ever cried in front of the last person you texted? Countless times.

What was the last thing you watched on YouTube? I’m watching an ASMR video.

Have you ever voluntarily read the Bible? Yes. I read and study the Bible. I participate in Bible studies. Have you ever thought that your life was so bad you wanted to give up? I’ve felt that way a lot.

How old are you? 31.

When do you start school? I’m done with school.

Do thunder and storms scare you? I love ‘em. We have had a thunderstorm here in so long it feels like.

How often would you say you take naps? Not that often since I usually sleep in until like 5PM. And not to say I couldn’t still take a nap cause I could (I’m always tired), but I wouldn’t want to so late in the day.

How many times in your life have you held a baby? Many times. I have a younger brother and I also have held several of my cousins when they were babies.

Do you like country music? Yeah.

What were you doing at 7:45 this morning? It’s only 5AM, but I’ll most likely be asleep or attempting to.

When you looked at yourself in the mirror today, what was the first thing you thought? I haven’t done so yet today, but I’m always like “ew.” I avoid looking in the mirror as much as possible.

Do you look decent when you wake up? No. Or ever.

Do you like to cuddle? I don’t have much cuddling experience to be honest, but sure.

Were you single on your last birthday? Yes.

Do you have any candles in your room? I do. I never light candles, so I’m not really sure why I have one any, but *shrug*

How long does it take you in the shower? Like 30-45 minutes.

Relationship between you and the last person you texted? She’s my mom.

When was the last time you felt unbearably guilty? I feel guilty about a few things.

Are you currently looking forward to anything? Just new episodes of some of the shows I watch like I mentioned before and new shows in general. There’s a lot coming out this year.

What are two foods you think only taste good with whipped cream? Uhh. I can’t think of any that I think only taste good with whipped cream. 

If you eat it, what is your favorite way to eat beef? When it’s in the form of meatballs (mixed with sausage, garlic, onion, and herbs).

What foods go good with radishes? Don’t they commonly go in salads?

Are you insecure about your height? What made you think this way? No. I do wish I was taller, though.

Did your last significant other have a huge temper? No.

Do you usually close the door with your feet or with your hands? My hands.

Are you a fussy eater? I am a picky eater and due to appetite and other issues I’m very particular about what I eat and how it’s prepared and all that. I honestly only eat the same few foods.

Do you enjoy visiting your grandparents? Yes.

Is your hair hard to manage? For me it is. I don’t have the energy or motivation for it.

Have you ever shopped online? I do a lot of online shopping, especially the past few years. Even more so this past year alone due to COVID.

Do you prefer gold or silver? I like both.

What about diamonds or pearls? Both.

Have you ever had surgery? I’ve had several.

Have you ever eaten at Chik-fil-a? Yeah, many times.

Do you spray tan? Nope.

How many hours of sleep would you say you got last night? About 5ish. 

How many aunts and uncles do you have? 3 aunts, 8 uncles. 

Would you say your life is hard? It is for me.

Are your fingernails, and toenails painted, if so, what color? Nope, neither of them are.

Would you ever think about doing porn? No.

What did your last text message you received on your cell say? My dad asked me to do something.

What is something you need to go shopping for? Nothing at the moment.

[mca-attack21]

Impending Doom part 3

Boom! What’s up guys? This is the third and final part of Impending Doom. You can catch part 1 here: Impending Doom Part-1 and Part 2 here: Impending Doom Part-2. Masterlist: here Warnings: there is a hospital. Word Count: 1762.

Just a little longer. At this point your senses were numbing and you could feel your body begin to shut down. Just a little longer. You knew that you had to hold on, to stay awake, for the Doctor. Just a little longer. You took solace in the Doctor’s jacket, taking in his familiar scent with every painful breath. Just a little longer. He has already lost so much. And you knew that he would blame himself for this. Just. a. Little. Longer. He deserved the world. He had so much pain in his life, you couldn’t be the cause of more.

You tried so hard to stay awake until he made it back. But you were being forced into the darkness, it was no longer a choice. The agonizing pain and exhaustion took over, until there was nothing.  

You did not hear the TARDIS. You did not hear the Doctor screaming your name, begging for a response. You didn’t feel him hoist you up and carry you into the TARDIS, or the wet drops that were falling on your cheek. You didn’t feel his fingers against your wrist feeling for a pulse that was weak but there. You didn’t feel him lay you down on the floor pleading with you to just stay with him. You didn’t see him losing it as he captained the TARDIS to the best hospital in all of time and space. You didn’t feel yourself being picked up and taken into said hospital.

You didn’t see the nurses have to physically hold him back as they rushed you in. You didn’t hear his cries as he told them that they had to save you and that you were his everything. There was just nothing.

The Doctor had sat in the waiting room...and waited. To say he was devastated would be an understatement. In a perfect world, he would have had people there to support him and tell him everything was going to be okay. But he was alone, the worst possible outcomes playing on repeat through his head. His hearts ached at the thought of losing you. To be honest the idea of no news is good news was no comfort to him. Every minute that ticked by he started to lose hope. He hated the fact that you were fighting for your life and there was absolutely nothing he could do but sit there and wait.

He no longer had any concept of time. Minutes in that chair felt like an eternity. He hadn’t even realized that the nurse had came back at first. She had to shake him out of his daze. He had hoped that there would be a look of relief on her face. But instead it was a solemn and somber expression he received. “How is she?” he asked trying to brace himself for her answer.

She started by explaining the extent of your mercury poisoning. If he had been even a minute later you would have been dead. She then explained that even though this hospital was everything it was, that they could only do so much. They had giving you an advance version of Chelation Therapy. The majority of the mercury was out of your body and you had regained control of your respiratory systems. The only issue that they ran into was your neurological state. Normally, (which is such a weird word to use because this was by no means a normal occurrence), someone under your condition should have woken up by now. Unfortunately, there was nothing else they could do, it was up to you now.

The Doctor tried to pay attention to the medical jargon, but found it difficult to focus. He waited patiently for here to finish before asking, “Can I see her?”.

“Yes, follow me,” she said leading him back to your room. “You should talk to her. Some people believe that unconscious patients are aware of their surroundings. There is a button on her wall to push if you need anything. Take your time.”

The Doctor was hit with mixed emotions as he walked through the door and saw you lying there. You looked so tiny in the bed tightly tucked into blankets. There were a number of machines hooked up to you to monitor your vitals. You looked so small helpless. The Doctor had never seen you look like that, and it was hard for him. 

He was trying to figure out what he wanted to say to you. It was weird that he was so nervous to talk to you. It should have been the easiest thing in the world. But he couldn’t figure out where to start. He took a deep breath, turning away and closed his eyes trying to regain his composure. “I don’t know what to say. That is hysterical,” he laughed nervously. “Okay well let’s see. First of all when you wake up, we will be having a serious discussion of the words ‘I am fine’ and their appropriate uses. And we will never mention the planet Zetov again. Ever. Umm… this is a really good hospital. It even has a shop. Every hospital ought to have a shop. Because people like shopping. Not me. But some people do. I hear it’s therapeutic or something. The planet Berglass is great for shopping they have these transport systems that will take you from store to store. It’s a fun time,” he rambled.

But then he turned to look at you again and he knew what it was he really needed to say. He pulled a chair up beside your bed and held your hand tightly in his. “Y/n L/n, I need you to wake up. I can’t stand the thought of not seeing your smile again or hearing your laugh. You are my home and I know I take that for granted sometimes. But you are truly the best thing that has happened to me. I-” he had to pause as he was struggling not to completely break down. “I love you Y/n and I need you. I need you to come back to me. I can’t do this without you. I don’t want to do this without you,” he cried.

This was all too much for him. He couldn’t stand the thought of losing you. He rested his head against your bed allowing his emotions to take over. “It’s all my fault,” he muttered. He stayed like that and eventually drifted off. The nurse had come back in to tell him that visitation was over and he would have to return to the waiting room. But she couldn’t bring herself to wake him or to separate the two of you. She quietly checked your vitals and brought him a blanket and covered him up. She really hoped that you would be okay.

It was a few hours later when you started to wake up. You were very groggy at first and thankful that the lights in the room were off. You realized from the beeping and IV that you were in a hospital. You faintly remembered what had happened but it was still fuzzy. When you tried to sit up more, you realized  that your left arm was asleep. It was actually pinned under a very familiar head of messy hair. The Doctor. You loved watching him sleep, it was the only time he seemed to be completely at peace. You debated whether or not to wake him up. But you didn’t really have a choice, as you wouldn’t be able to move unless you did. You turned on your side ignoring the achiness in your muscles.

You run your fingers through his hair gently. His eyes slowly started fluttering open. “That’s not fair,” he mumbled rubbing the sleep out of his eyes. But then it suddenly dawned on him where he was and what had happened. You were awake! “Oh my god, Y/n!” he exclaimed as he pulled you into a tight embrace.

“Ow. IV. Doctor-” you laughed as he quickly let you go.

“Sorry. I-” he started.

“Doctor, are you crying?” you asked amused.

“No- well maybe. I’m just so glad you are awake,” he said kissing you.

“Well your snores would wake anyone up,” you joke, smirking as he pulled away.

“Oh how dare you? I do not snore,” he feigned offense before his face broke into another grin. He was so happy in this moment. You were okay, everything was going to be okay.

After a few more minutes alone, the Doctor decided that it was best to call the nurse in. She was happy to see that you had woken up. She made the Doctor stand in the hall as she gave you an examination. She helped you to the bathroom and then explained to you what they had done while you were unconscious.

After she was done, she brought the doctor back in and explained that you would have to stay there for a couple more hours, so they could run more tests now that you were awake. If everything went smoothly, you could leave by the end of the day. She explained that you would need to take it slow for a week or so, but after that you should be back to normal.

When she left, you scooted over and summoned the doctor to lay next to you which he happily obliged. “I love you, you know that?” you asked as you laid your head on his chest.

“Who doesn’t,” he smirked. That was such a Doctor thing for him to say and it brought a smile to your face. You were being lulled to sleep by the rhythm of his hearts. He noticed you trying not to doze off. “You should get some rest, I’ll be right here when you wake up. I’m not going anywhere,” he promised softly.

“Oh. First you want me to stay awake and now you want me to sleep. It’d be nice if you could make up your mind,” you mumbled. This comment earned a chuckle from the Doctor as he ran his fingers through your hair.

“I love you Y/n,” he whispered.

The two of you slept like that until the nurse came to take you off for tests. You were allowed to leave later that day. The Doctor had went out to the TARDIS (which was still parked in the middle of the emergency room) and grabbed you some clothes to change into. He made a big fuss over you for the next two weeks, limiting your adventures to those that could be found within the TARDIS. You didn’t mind though, it was nice to spend stress free time with him.

You were okay. He was okay. Everything was okay.

[broomballkraken]

Title: Excuses, Excuses, Chapter 3: Adrenaline Rush

Fandom: Pokemon Sword/Shield

Pairing: Milo/Nessa

Word count: 2366

Warnings: None

Summary: Excuse #3: Nessa’s Adrenaline Rush. After watching Milo’s matches against two outstanding Gym Challengers, Nessa intends to meet Milo for lunch. When he doesn’t show up, she sets out to find him, but soon finds herself in a rather precarious situation.

With the Gym Challenge well underway, Nessa couldn’t afford to be away from Hulbury for extended periods of time. Eager trainers could come barging into her gym at any time, but that fact could not keep her from making the trip to Turffield to watch Milo’s matches against the new trainers endorsed by the current champion of Galar. She had visited Milo before to watch his matches - and he did the same for hers - but when she heard that these two trainers in particular had finally made it to Turffield, she made sure that her schedule was kept clear so that she could see them in action.

Leon’s brother had won his match rather handily, and his friend had followed suit in the very next challenge. Nessa was excited at the prospect of fighting them herself. She was eager to talk to Milo about the trainers when they met up for lunch, like they always did after his matches...if he would just show up already.

“Ugh, where is he?” Nessa grumbled to herself, checking her phone yet again to see if Milo had responded to her message. Her eyebrows scrunched up as she frowned, her eyes boring into the unread ‘Where are you?’ text she had sent him 20 minutes ago. She was waiting for him outside the entrance to the stadium. Had she really missed him leaving? Or was he still in the locker rooms? She was about to go back inside and ask if someone saw him leave, but she was stopped when someone called her name.

“Hey, Ness! Good to see you!”

Turning around, Nessa smiled when she saw Sonia walking towards her. It had been awhile since they’d seen each other, and she did miss hanging out with her best friend.

“Were you watching the matches too? Those new trainers really are something, aren’t they?” Sonia said when she pulled away after giving Nessa a hug.

“Oh yeah, I can’t wait to battle them myself.”

“I’ll have to make sure to make it to Hulbury to see that match!”

“You better!”

Nessa smirked and crossed her arms over her chest as Sonia giggled, and a curious look suddenly crossed her face.

“So what are you still doing here?” she asked, and Nessa shrugged.

“I’m waiting for Milo. We’re supposed to get lunch, but he’s taking a really long time to get here.” Nessa said, and a sly grin appeared on Sonia’s face.

“Oh? Is this a date?” she asked, and Nessa sputtered, her face heating up considerably.

“W-What? No way! We’re just friends.” Nessa quickly protested, shaking her hands in front of her.

“The lady doth protest too much, methinks.” Sonia said, snickering when Nessa just huffed and looked away.

“S-Shut up…” Nessa grumbled. Sonia rolled her eyes and threw an arm over Nessa’s shoulder.

“I’m just teasing! I’ve gotta get going though. I need to study up a little more on the geoglyph here. Have fun on your not-date!” Sonia said, waving a hand behind her as she walked off. Nessa glowered at her retreating back, before she groaned and slapped a hand to her face. Sonia did always like to tease her about many things, but this was just too much. Milo was just a friend, nothing more. Sure, he was cute, and funny, and a total sweetheart, and hardworking, and-

“Gah, I need to find him!” Nessa exclaimed, her face flushing red as she shook her head, trying to push these weird thoughts from her mind. She mumbled incoherently to herself as she headed in the direction of the farm that Milo’s family owned; maybe something had come up and he had to rush over there?

Turffield was not a large town, so Nessa found herself approaching the Wooloo farm in no time at all. Something seemed odd though; it was too quiet. Normally she’d be hearing Wooloo bleating at her as she approached, but when she looked over at the fence that they’d normally be pressed up against, she saw nothing. Weird.

Nessa suddenly felt the ground shake beneath her feet, and she blinked as she quickly looked around, confused. She turned to see that the herd of Wooloo that were supposed to be greeting her from behind the fence were now barreling towards her at an alarming pace.

Nessa’s eyes widened as she scrambled to get out of the way, but in her haste her foot caught on a rock and she tumbled to the ground. The herd of Wooloo were almost upon her now, so she just cursed under her breath and covered her head with her arms, bracing for impact.

But the impact never came, as Nessa was suddenly hoisted into the air. She yelped in surprise as a pair of strong arms wrapped securely around her, and she pressed her face against a broad chest and wrapped her arms around her savior's neck. The arms tightened around her as they shook with the impact of the Wooloo crashing into them.

“Nessa, are you okay?” Nessa finally looked up to find Milo gazing down at her, his brow furrowed with concern. Sweat beaded his forehead as he panted heavily, and he winced as the last of the Wooloo bounced off of his legs. Nessa’s heart was hammering hard in her chest as the adrenaline from her ordeal started to wear off, and she could only nod in response.

“Whew! That’s a relief!” Milo said, a beaming smile crossing his face as two barking Yamper ran past them, making sure that all of the Wooloo made it back into their enclosure. “I almost thought I wasn’t gonna make it to you in time!”

“Um, thanks Milo…” Nessa finally managed to say, her lips turning up into a small smile. She then realized that his face was very, very close to her own, and her cheeks flushed a bright red.

“You can, ah, put me down now…” Nessa said, averting her gaze.

“Oh!” Milo gasped, quickly lowering Nessa back to her feet as she let go of his neck, “Sorry! I didn’t mean to make you feel uncomfortable or anything!” Milo placed his hands on her arms, looking her over to double check for any injuries. Nessa smiled and waved it off.

“It’s cool. And I’m fine.” she said, shaking her head. The smile fell from her face when she caught a flash of red out of the corner of her eye, and she looked down to see that Milo’s right shin was scraped up and oozing blood.

“I should be worrying about you!” Nessa continued, pursing her lips as she knelt down to examine Milo’s injury.

“Huh? Oh, whoops! I didn’t even realize I was bleeding. Guess I was too busy making sure that you were okay.” Milo said, laughing sheepishly as he rubbed at the back of his neck. Nessa sighed and rolled her eyes, trying to ignore the warm, fuzzy feeling that spread throughout her chest.

“You big dork. Can you walk?”

“Oh yeah! I’m good!” Milo tried to demonstrate by putting pressure on his injured leg, but he suddenly winced and let up as more blood started rolling down his leg.

“You’re a terrible liar.” Nessa pouted as she stood back up, crossing her arms over her chest as Milo scratched at his chin and avoided her heated gaze. “Well, it can’t be helped.” Without giving him time to react, Nessa quickly grabbed Milo’s arm and hoisted him over her shoulders so that she had him in a fireman’s carry.

“N-Ness!” Milo exclaimed, flailing a bit as he gripped at her arm. “You really don’t have to carry me! The house isn’t that far away.”

“You’re gonna bleed too much if you put more pressure on your leg. Just chill for a minute.” Nessa said, shrugging to adjust Milo’s weight as she started walking off towards the house. She wasn’t a strong as he was, but Nessa was no weakling. She spent a good chunk of her free time helping her dad haul his fishing catches to the markets, so she was fairly tough herself.

“U-Um, okay…” Milo mumbled, “I just don’t want you to get hurt-”

“Are you calling me weak?” Nessa glared at Milo out of the corner of her eye, and he blanched.

“No! Never! You’re really strong, I’m just, uh, really bulky and I’d never want to accidentally hurt you and-” Nessa cut him off by laughing.

“I’m just teasing you,” Nessa said, a sly smile crossing her face, “You’re too sweet for your own good sometimes.”

“Ugh, Ness…” Milo grumbled, hiding his reddening face against her arm, “You can be so mean sometimes…”

“Hehe, you still like me, though.”

“Well, yeah!”

Laughter erupted from the both of them as Nessa carried Milo to the house, and she immediately set Milo down on a chair in the kitchen when they were inside. He told her where to find a first-aid kit, and a few minutes later, she had disinfected and wrapped up his shin with a clean bandage.

“There! That should keep you from bleeding out all over the place.” Nessa said as she sat down, and her heart skipped a beat when Milo beamed at her, his eyes sparkling with something that looked like admiration. Nessa tried swallowing the lump that had formed in her throat as she looked away, embarrassed.

“Thanks Ness! You’re the best!” Milo gushed, and Nessa tried to shrug it off, but a smile tugged at her lips anyway.

“It’s no big deal. You got hurt because of me, so it’s only fair that I patched you up.”

“I guess, but I’m still happy that you did so!”

“So, how’d the Wooloo get out this time? I figured something was up when you didn’t meet me right after your match, or respond to my text.”

“Oh! I’m sorry, I completely forgot!” Milo said, his eyes widening. He rummaged through his pockets for a moment and sighed, “Shoot, I must have left my phone in the locker room…”

“I got a text from my dad right after the match,” Milo continued, “He and mum were late for the matches, and he must have left the gate open to the Wooloo pen again ‘cause he was in a hurry to get to the stadium.”

“Your dad does that a lot, doesn’t he?” Nessa said, giggling when Milo sighed as he removed his hat and ran a hand through his hair.

“Too much. Usually Otis is there to remember for him, but he walked to the stadium early with me today.”

Nessa nodded, as she understood completely. Otis absolutely adored his older brother, and vise versa. Whenever Nessa came to visit Milo, they were always doing something together, whether it was herding Wooloo, tending to vegetables, or learning the basics of Pokemon training. Nessa thought their relationship was really sweet.

“So, naturally the Wooloo herd got loose, and one of our neighbors called me during my matches and left me a voicemail. I told my parents that I’d take care of it, and I ran off without thinking too much about it. I’m sorry I didn’t tell you.” Milo hung his head, looking guilty.

“It’s fine, Milo.” Nessa said quickly, placing a hand on his shoulder. “Really, I’m just glad that everything’s okay.”

“Still...I feel bad about it.” Milo said, smiling as he placed his hand over the one Nessa still had on his shoulder. “Lunch is on me today to make it up to you, and to thank you for patchin’ me up!”

“C’mon, we’re even now.” Nessa said, the warmth of Milo’s hand over hers causing a smile to cross her face, “You did save me from the dreaded Wooloo stampede.”

“I know, but I still want to treat you! You mean a lot to me, Nessa.” Milo said, and when his green eyes met her blue, Nessa’s heartbeat was sent racing again, almost as fast as it had been when she was trapped in the path of a stampede of Wooloo.

“Milo, I...well, you, um, mean a lot to me too…” Nessa mumbled, stumbling over her words. Why was she getting so flustered all of a sudden? It was perfectly normal to tell a friend that she cared for him. Yes...totally just a friend, nothing more...but why was her heart racing so fast? That never happened when she told Sonia or Kabu or Raihan that she cared about them…

“Um! Lunch, yeah! I’m pretty hungry, let’s go get some food!” Nessa suddenly blurted out, shooting out of her chair and causing Milo to jump, startled.

“Uh, right...Are you okay, Ness?” Milo asked, raising an eyebrow as he also stood up, putting a bit of pressure on his injured leg to make sure he could walk okay.

“Oh yeah!” Nessa said, laughing nervously as she threw her arm over his shoulders, “It’s just, uh, all this excitement has really make me work up an appetite. I just might collapse if I don’t get some food in me soon!” Nessa bit her lip and plastered an unconvincing smile on her face. Milo blinked at her for a moment, before laughing and shaking his head.

“Aw geez, I’m sure you’re not gonna starve! But let’s get going, just in case!” Milo said, taking Nessa’s hand and leading her out of the house. Nessa breathed a sigh of relief, which she quickly covered up by clearing her throat.

“Alright. Oh, and you have to tell me your thoughts on your matches with those trainers that Leon endorsed! I’ll be taking them on next, after all.” Nessa said, grinning as Milo turned to look at her.

“Oh yeah! Well, Leon’s brother was a tough one, he started with Wooloo, so I lead with my…” Milo started, and the rest of their day was filled with strategic discussions and great food. However, Nessa’s heartbeat continued to race within her chest, and she could not figure out exactly why. It was probably just leftover adrenaline from her perilous situation earlier in the day, and had absolutely nothing to do with the man sitting across from her, making her laugh with corny jokes and generously giving advice for her upcoming challenges.

[antagonisms]

BASICS

Name: Evan Czarnecki

Gender & pronouns: cis male, he/him

Species: werewolf

Age: 27. Jokes about being 63, because he was a wolf for 6 years, which is 42 dog years + those 21 normal human years. Either way, age is a really weird concept now.

PERSONALITY

Traits: Pretends to be flippant to put the world at a distance. Vulgar as a means of distancing himself from genuine vulnerability. Perceptive, but won’t let you know that. More self-aware than he lets on. Self-absorbed. Self-destructive. Loves being seen, hates being known.

Moral alignment / MBTI / enneagram: Chaotic neutral. INTP-A. 5w6.

Values: In other people, he likes independence, open-mindedness, the ability to dress well, a lack of tolerance for bullshit, genuine altruism, and resilience.

Flaws: Judgmental. Narcissistic as a defense mechanism. Occasionally rude, but mostly just cheeky. Not a team player. Reckless. Hedonistic. The brokest bitch in Blackrock.

HISTORY 

( shorter version is in the app. i just like details. trigger warnings for child abuse and sex as self harm.)

1) CHILDHOOD

You had a family, once. Your mother’s a piano teacher and your father is — you don’t know, really, but he’s got enough old money to buy nice things even if he’s stingy on principle. He’s polite, and she’s funny, and your fellow patrons at Sunday Mass love all three of you because you’re down-to-earth, surface-level beautiful — a perfect American family.

But they don’t know what happens inside the too-big house at the foot of the mountain. Your mother’s a pessimist, and your father’s a sniveling piece of shit who copes with his worthlessness by making everybody feel small. He’s kinda good at it. They’re both as loud as they are erratic and it’s all a matter of bracing yourself for when the floor inevitably falls through. You make do, mostly. You hide in your room. You lock the door. You put your ears behind headphones. You drown out their screaming matches and your too-loud mind. 

It all falls apart when Mommy decides she hates Daddy more than she loves you. No goodbye. No explanation. She just leaves. 

Her departure plants a lesson you will later find impossible to uproot: love is earned, Evan, you’re not working hard enough. At least your father stayed. At least he sometimes loved you. At least, you think so. He might have loved you when he took you fishing, or gave you that book you really liked, or when he buys you clothes that look really nice. You flip through your mother’s old sheet music and fumble through the piano keys, and you think he might love you when he watches you fill this house with her memory without saying anything.

But mostly, he’s not very kind. You don’t want to think about it anymore.

2) ADOLESCENCE

You inherit your mother’s cynicism and your father’s stingy heart. The skill you develop is as much a sense of humor as it is a safety net. If life’s a joke, beat it to the punchline. By the time you’re fifteen, you can no longer pretend that your world is worth saving. You keep it at arm’s length. Your mind makes a mockery of the darkness to keep its jaws at a distance, because if you couldn’t do that, your pitch-black pessimism would swallow you whole.

Growing up feels less like maturing and more like mutating. By the time you’re sixteen, you stop feigning perfection to earn the affection of a father who’s heart is colder than your Blackrock winter. Popular misconception claims control is a word you never learned, but that’s just what you let everyone think. The truth is: control is a lesson you pried out of your body when the need for acceptance evolved into a need to rebel. You’re an embarrassment, Evan. Adolescence meant insurrection. You’re a failure of a son. Pills and booze and boys and girls biting the hand that hit him. Your heart is a bullet and your mouth is a shotgun and you will make yourself repulsive if the alternative is admitting that — Evan, I wish you knew how difficult it is to love you.

You only apply yourself when it matters. You get into Stanford. You take a loan. You don’t let your father pay for tuition, because you’re not letting him control your life anymore. You leave your tar pit town the way your mother did, and it’s only a matter of time before your goodbye is permanent. 

It gets better as much as it gets worse. You leave home, but home doesn’t really leave you, and you don’t recognize your body when it’s not in pain. You’re beautiful, though. People see you and want to make you theirs. You let it happen. Too-rough hands salve the ghosts of bruises your father left you. This is the ugliest way of putting it: you feel damaged. Every person you kiss has too-sharp teeth, and maybe that’s exactly how you want it, because if this body doesn’t feel like it belongs to you, then offer it up in a way that feels good.

You always leave first. You love much how it tears them apart. This is your inheritance: your Momma’s love of leaving, and your Daddy’s stingy, stingy heart.

3) THE BITE

Unlike your mother, you tried to come back. Your father called one night, asking if you wanted to return for Christmas, and the small, stupid flicker of hope that your pessimism couldn’t kill begged that you give him a chance.

He didn’t change. He argues about the degree you’re taking with the money you don’t have and insists on carving a future for you, his way. He doesn’t like your independence. He doesn’t like your protests. Your fights are explosive until they aren’t, until a raised fist reminds you exactly what violence he’s capable of.

At least he sometimes loves you. Maybe he loved you when he picked your wounded body up, carried you out of the woods, and bandaged up bite on your side. Maybe he loved you when he brought medicine to your room, and maybe he loved you when made you chicken soup just the way you liked it, even when you didn’t ask. Maybe he loved you when he sat by the side of your bed, and talked about his father, and his father’s father, and how none of them really knew how to grow up without making their sons feel small.

But the fever is strange. A new kind of anger tears out whatever capacity for forgiveness you might have had. Your bones are changing. Something wretched twists and grows inside you, and with a hot flash of pain, you’re something new entirely.

You have one last coherent thought before the wild takes your mind completely.

I have to kill him. So you do. 

3.5) THE THINGS YOU DON’T KNOW

The news of your father’s death spreads like wildfire in Blackrock. It’s not your father’s mangled body that causes intrigue, it’s your disappearance. Wolf attacks, while uncommon, aren’t exactly rare, and everyone’s heard the folktales. Neighbors assure that you were there during the evidence, but the police find no evidence of carnage, not a pound of flesh nor drop of blood to support the fearful need to conclude that there’s nothing supernatural about this. You can’t prove the Czarnecki kid isn’t a werewolf, the gossipers say. Nobody can even prove that he’s dead.

4) WOLF-HOOD

You don’t know what strange circumstance landed you in your new body, but maybe you don’t care. Maybe the bite and the fever killed you, and the Buddhists were right. You don’t really know if you earned enough good karma to deserve this reincarnated form, but either way, you’re never letting it go. You hunt deer. You roll around in the snow. You snarl at any predator that dares to get near, and bite the ones that move into your space without permission. Sometimes you walk into the backyards of strangers and wait for children who aren’t afraid to try and approach you. You don’t eat them, because just because you’re a monster now doesn’t mean you don’t have principles.

You lie down. You let them rub your belly.

It’s a really nice life.

5) NOW

Six years after you thought you died, a woman drags you out of the woods you back into your body. Even a lifetime of pain couldn’t prepare you for the shift back. New bones tear your animal flesh apart, piercing your skin open to make room for your wretched old body. It aches in too many ways. The people — the wolves — the ones who did this to you, they tell you this is your home now.

So it wasn’t Buddhism. Maybe it’s the Catholics who’re right; eternal damnation does await the unrepentant sinner, and it looks like this: you’re here, trapped in a frat house for furries, without a  cellphone, a car, or clothes of your own, or money to pay a doctor to confirm whether or not you’d acquired a tapeworm.

You realize you owe Stanford 213,000 dollars.

You are a very tired wolf.

TLDR:

Evan has a bad childhood. He becomes a wolf. He kills his father. He mistakes lycanthropy for reincarnation and lives in wolf-nirvana for six whole years. You drag him out of nirvana. The realization that he didn’t actually die puts him in a terrible mood. 

CONNECTIONS 

( So uhhh I wrote up possible prompts for the existing werewolf skeletons before I knew what anyone was like and I think they can be good jumping points! If you don’t feel this fits your character, or if you want a different sort of dynamic, just message me! )

1) WOLVES (AND BITTEN HUMAN)

ALDER: You’ve seen him at his ugliest — a small, scared creature writhing on the floor, that horrific cross between a howl and a screech leaving his shifting throat. Now there’s a flare of red-hot resentment in his eyes whenever he looks at you, and it makes you wonder if he’s more monstrous as a human than he is a beast. You saved him from death. You realize you cannot save him from life. He’ll never forgive you for that.

HEMLOCK: You are a bootlicker and he does not like you.

HICKORY: It’s not your job to keep the feral wolf in line, but your brother seems to resent whatever circumstance it was that landed him the role of mongrel babysitter. Consider picking up the slack. The guy’s only half-terrible — sullen and strange but mostly manageable, and maybe earning his trust is only a matter of affording him the patience that nobody else wants to offer. If it’s an opportunity to prove this pack your worth, try taking it.

MAPLE: You’ve worked too hard to protect this pack, to earn your position. Now your lot has dragged some feral creature out of the woods, offered him their home, their humanity, and still, he has the nerve to be ungrateful. He makes it clear that he doesn’t trust you. He makes it even clearer that you cannot trust him. Maybe the demons in your head are concussed, but the new demon in your home now insists on giving you a migraine. 

PINE: You are a mirror of lost days. You are the young flighty creature he once was and can never become again. Home is a word you might have both forgotten, but circumstance has offered you both a new roof over your heads, and a family to go with it. Maybe these similarities should draw you closer, but there’s a glimmer of resentment in his eyes whenever he looks at you. You don’t know why it’s there. It could be pity. It might be envy. It must be grief. 

OAK: He had a father, once, and that shit didn’t end well. For some reason, he sees it fit to pass some unearned blame on you, and now years of buried resentment are yours to bear. Family’s a broken word, he seems to think, but you cannot let him break yours. Still, it’s evident that he lacks the capacity to be as self-sufficient as he’d like, and as long as that’s true, it’s your thumb he’ll be under. You know he needs you. Offer an open hand, or pull the leash tighter. The choice is yours.

REDCEDAR: He shows up at the bookstore to read a new title of Animorphs every other day and you don’t know how that makes you feel.

WILLOW: He might take more kindly to you than he does the others. You’re both new to a home you’re not sure will ever welcome you, and more importantly, you both wanted this. The bite. This beastliness. The difference is that he’s certain. Your condition is a new part of yourself that you have yet to fully love, but he seems to think he can teach you. Man and beast are equally monstrous, he tries to convince you. So let’s be the kind with bigger teeth.

2) OPEN CONNECTIONS

( Open to humans ) has taken an interest in the Czarnecki Werewolf Conspiracy. They’re familiar with the incident — a dead father, a missing son, and the wolf that allegedly kill them both. All the facts line up too neatly, and when somebody who looks to be the ghost of one Evan Czarnecki returns to haunt the streets of Blackrock, they think it’s finally time they get some answers.

( Open to humans ) once knew Evan. Yeah, the kid who always got straight A’s and played piano for Catholic mass? What the actual shit happened to him? They’re watched Evan go from familiar face to murder case overnight, but now, the town recluses have found a new adoptee — and he’s the splitting image of the boy they once knew. Maybe it’s time to reconnect.

3) VAGUE CONCEPTS

he uhhhh (spins wheel) flirted with ( open ) at last drop for free drinks and then realized that spending six years as a wolf made him de-acquire the taste of liquor and now he’s having a crisis

( open ) tells him he needs therapy. evan laughs

this is actually very hard he’s so unsociable

jsut message me... we’ll think of something

[penname-artist]

Shelter

Blade/Nick fluff, deal.

Summary: Acting on the set for CHoPs was a demanding job already. There can't be room for illness. Or, there shouldn't be. That doesn't mean they don't still have to deal with it.

Rating: G

-----

   The weather was the same as it usually was in L.A. - smoggy to say the least. It was well-fitted with Nick’s mood that morning though, so points for pathetic fallacy. He’d been trying all day not to let it get to him, that general ache and chill that started to spread even out through his frame even in the sunlight, but he realised he was fighting a losing battle. And his partner was catching on.    “You’re sure you’re alright?” Blade leaned over to ask, worry lacing his tone. They were waiting in between scene cuts for another bit, but the smaller helicopter had started to look a little wobbly on his skids. And a bit pale.    “I’m..fine.” Nick replied, shaking his front in denial. “Just tired, didn’t sleep well.”    Blade knew full-well that was a complete lie. He was the one who never slept, unable to over the audible snoring beside him every night. How he still managed to be an early bird, no one knew. But then again, this morning he hadn’t been. He’d actually slept past his alarm, to the point that Blade had to physically shake him awake. Even then, he’d dragged from the moment he’d gotten up.    “You think I’d fall for that?” The older male accused, but not harshly, “C’mon, what’s going on?”    “It’s nothing,” Nick said firmly, “I’m just..not feeling it today.” He tried his best then to disguise that wave of vertigo, hoping the other wouldn’t notice, and that it would go away quickly.    It didn’t.    He’d actually had to move to brace himself against the other chopper when another wave hit, just as hard, causing the floor under him to feel like it was being moved.    “Nick?” Blade suddenly asked, worried.    He’d just leaned against his partner’s side, eyes shut tight so as not to watch the room go spinning. He hadn’t even realised when Blade had called for the medic, until he felt a pair of tines against his other side. He didn’t protest - he was used to them being all over him usually, and the last few times he had tried to fight ended with a wrench to the helm.    “That time of the season.” The medic sighed, tearing off a piece of paper from her clipboard. “Another flu victim I’m guessing. If someone can get him back to the hangars I’ll let the producer know. With good R&R and decent med-taking, he’ll be back on set in less than a week.”    They may as well have just stabbed him with a sword. A week?!?    “I’ll take care of it.” He heard Blade say, moving off from his partner’s side cautiously. The younger helicopter hadn’t fallen over, so it was a start.    He left for a minute to get something, leaving Nick to fend for himself. The main hangar they were in was spacious with high ceilings, but it was also crowded in corners with props and scenes put away for later use.    He hated that he wasn’t able to work. Stunts were out of the question. He’d be grounded and practically locked in his own hangar until the virus let up. Meds he was fine with, but having to laze around in bed all day was not his idea of coping with not being able to work on the set. He was sure Blade would agree. The workaholic never slowed down in the slightest.    Just as he was wondering where he’d gone off to, the chopper returned, and Nick scoffed at what he’d brought back with him.    “No.” He said flatly.    “You don’t have a choice.” He replied, setting down the front latch of the vehicle.    “I’m not using it.” He answered.    “Fine, you can hop all the way across the tarmac to the hangar, your choice.”    Nick bit his lip hard, face tight in indecision. He hated the wagon as much as he hated being sick. He hated everything it stood for, everything that made him feel useless for not having landing gear like the Agustawestland. But he also hated the idea of hopping all the way back, too. Normally he’d just fly back - it was his excuse for just about everything - and that would be the end of it, and he seriously considered just doing that instead, but in his state of vertigo he probably shouldn’t risk it. Especially considering the boss might have a conniption. Blade apparently knew how to read his thoughts, and without producing words, he shook his front in denial. Freaky. “Fffffine.” Nick said finally, glaring at the other helicopter. It was only because he felt like crap, that was it. He’d use it just this once and never again. The ‘wagon’ as the team had given name to it, was a flat cart with wheels that acted as the skidded-helicopter’s version of a wheelchair. It was supposed to be for all of Nick’s ground-transportation, but since he hated it so much he decided that he’d just have no ground transportation to begin with. He was going to toss the wagon off a cliff someday, but the directors kept it around “in case of emergencies”, or, he thought, in cases of indignity. But as another wave of vertigo with an extra side effect of good ol’ nausea decided to hit him, he decided it better not to squawk any more protest and just get it over with. The sooner it was dealt with, the sooner he could be back in the air. Blade had the front latch wrapped around his front landing gear, leaving Nick full ability to lay against him. He was cold anyways, and he’d already lost enough dignity as it was so why not. He didn’t care anymore. He’d realised the blue and white helicopter was probably trying his best not to panic. When it came to Nick’s own safety and well-being, he tended to lean on the side of worry-wart, but that was probably just because he’d watched Nick get into a lot of accidents since they’d been here. He wasn’t clumsy, exactly, but as the medics would describe, he was “possibly brain dead” as risk-taking as he was. It was worth it, he felt, to live and get hurt over not living and being bored. Like he was going to be for the next week.

Nick flopped onto the bed tiredly, and slightly agitated, while Blade went back to put up the wagon. ‘Good,’ he thought, ‘I don’t want to see it again.’ It wasn’t until he’d begun to relax on the cushions that he’d realised just how out of it he’d been. All day his body had just ached all the way through, in that weird not-exhausted kind of exhaustion that being ill usually went with. His helmache had gone from iffy to steadily worse, but he supposed he couldn’t complain about that one. He knew Blade’s migraines were a whole lot more hell than he’d ever know. There had been days so bad he couldn’t leave the bed. Those few occasions, he’d worried himself sick over making sure he rested, and making sure nothing interrupted that rest in the meantime. Come to think of it, that was probably how the older chopper felt about him now.    Blade had returned within a few minutes, finding his partner had already rediscovered the blanket stash in the closet and bundling himself up to the best of his ability. Like a burrito with eyes.    “Here.” He set down a couple pill bottles on the bedside table, “One of them is every four hours, the other is every twelve.”    “Great.” Nick said, sarcasm dripping from his tone.    The first day had gone by rather effortlessly. The medic probably knew he was going to be worse before he was better, so the early move was much appreciated by the young Hughes, especially on the morning of day two, in which he’d discovered that other wonderful flu symptom everyone hated: inability to process food.    “Crackers,” he said, “just a bag of flipping saltine crackers. That’s all I want.”    It was, for the time being, the only thing he could keep down. Even water messed with his system, so he took short, barely single-sip amounts at a time.    Bladed did try to coax him into something a little better than crackers, but in the end that was the only thing that stuck. Everything else was usually rejected within fifteen minutes. Fine, crackers.    The second day was also more prominent in coughing and hacking, so thank goodness for a med that helped with mucus relief. Nick had tried to make Blade keep a bit more distance, even if he was still taking care of him, but he’d stood his ground.    “You’ll end up sick, too.” He argued.    “So be it then, I’m not letting you try to take care of yourself like this.” He answered, “And besides, I take vitamin C.”    “Pfft, yeah, you religiously take them.”    “You’re the one sick in bed, I’m fine.”    “For now, sure.”    Fever was something that behaved pretty interestingly in Nick’s case as well. It wasn’t a permanent symptom like the others seemed to be when they showed up. His temperature fluctuated on a whim, like it couldn’t decide. One minute there was a low-grade fever, then he was fine, and then you blink and his engine was sitting at 209 degrees fahrenheit, cold and unstressed. Sure, let’s give the Agustawestland more reasons to have an engine failure.    Day three was probably the worst one of the week. It was long, tiring, and fever had finally made up it’s mind that it wanted to stay there. Nick slept through most of the day without request, a sure sign that he really wasn’t feeling well. Blade hated to, but he’d actually had to wake him now and again for another dose of this or that, and then he’d just dose back off again.    The blue and white helicopter watched over him like some overprotective mother with a newborn propling. He knew he’d be fine, but that didn’t stop him from worrying. This was the most out of it he’d ever seen his partner, since viruses didn’t act like physical injury did. In the latter, he was just the same. This crept it’s way into his very being, made him weaker and more vulnerable than before, and he couldn’t just brush it off like it was nothing. This had to run its course, as much as the both of them hated it.    The older male sighed, putting down his book to snuggle up against his partner’s side, who he’d been watching begin to shiver again. To anyone else they probably couldn’t see it, but he could. He knew how the other reacted to things, even without so much as conscious thought of it. It was getting late, the team outside packing up for the day. Even without both of their star actors, there was a lot to be done in the way of setup and additional scenes, and with the beginning of a new season there was more to be done than the usual. He supposed that was a good thing, giving Nick more time to fully recover, the way he needed to.    Days four and five were the beginning of improvement. Finally, he could eat some freaking food again! Well, so long as he was slow about it. The fever had also, finally, broken. One of the medics had come over for a quick assessment, and stated that he was indeed beginning to improve. But he wasn’t there yet, she warned, already knowing the excitement from the Hughes that he was almost able to go back to normal living.    “Give it a couple more days, until everything is cleared up,” she said, “And finish that bottle even after it does.”    The total time it took from first to last day was about eight, give or take. But finally, after complying to the medics and Blade’s frantic worrying, and his own tired, formerly ill-feeling self, he was cleared again to work - and to fly.    “Someone go set the wagon on fire!” He shouted, already taking off from the helipad.    “Keep dreaming, Lopez!” One of the set workers replied.

-----

Title inspired by the song “Shelter” by Porter Robinson and Madeon. It’s gorgeous, and the animated story is too.

And yes, even then, Blade worried, and he worked himself to death. He just strikes me as that kind of character really. And the migraines thing as well, I know some people with a history of those. I don’t get them personally, so I’m with Nick on this, but I know it sucks for them. (I have a fic on that actually on AO3, I’ll post it here eventually)

[kcwcommentary]

VLD7x09 – “Know Your Enemy”

7x09 – “Know Your Enemy”

I’m just going to get right to it.

The episode starts with a shot of Neptune. With all the not-a-planet planets this show’s animation has produced, it’s really cool to see not just a planet-looking planet, but an actual existing planet. Voltron, with its kind of comically large wings are blasting toward Earth, and Pidge is trying to get in contact with her father. Given that we’ve been shown Keith able to image a Galra ship on the surface of Earth from millions of light-years outside the Milky Way, Voltron could be gathering a lot of information about the current status of Earth with visual scans. None are shown being made. Instead, Hunk wonders if they’re too late.

Sam replies to Pidge and tells them to stop coming to Earth. This is totally contradictory to the previous episodes. I’m actually laughing right now. At the beginning of 7x07 “The Last Stand Part 1,” Voltron received Sam’s recorded message: “To any beings who receive this message, Planet Earth has been overrun by the Galra. Most of the citizens have been captured. Those of us remaining are making our last stand. If you get this message, please get word to Voltron. We need help.” Then at the end of 7x08 “The Last Stand Part 2,” we see how that message was sent, with “micro transmitters, millions of them” and Sam’s message from the beginning of Part 1 is repeated at the end of Part 2. This show is giving me narrative whiplash. This message of request for help from Voltron has been included in the past episodes repeatedly, getting the message transmitted at the end of last episode was a big plot development, and now that the message from Sam asking Voltron to come help has been received by Voltron, he’s now telling Voltron to not come. This is the kind of writing inconsistencies that happen when a writing team is not working well together.

Also, Sam’s big speech at the end of the last episode, part of the message quoted above, and both previous episodes’ titles, were about a “last stand.” Sam’s big speech at the end of last episode was about boosting morale heading into a titular “last stand” battle. But as we see in this episode, Sam and those he gave that speech to have not fought some “last stand” battle. They’ve just been holding on, hoping something will change, hoping maybe Voltron would come. It makes Sam’s episode-ending speech last episode meaningless. That speech is out of place and unresolved. It’s like the writers wanted a big rallying speech scene, but wrote the scene totally separate from any of the plot of these episodes.

Sam now says that Sendak has taken over the planet (aside from it being specifically Sendak, Team Voltron already know that the Galra have “overrun” Earth). Prior to this episode, the Galra on Earth was why Earth needed Voltron, yet now with this episode the Galra being on Earth is why Voltron shouldn’t come to Earth? I’ve only just started this episode, and I already feel exhausted by it. Sam says that Sendak “will threaten the people of Earth in exchange for the Lions.” Did Sam not think of this when he sent his message asking Voltron for help?

Voltron slows down only to nearly run into several Galra ships. Sam commands Curtis to “pick up those Galra ships’ locations.” If the Garrison on Earth doesn’t already know the location of these specific Galra ships, then how can they know they need to scan for them? There’s definitely something missing in the writing. Sam has Curtis do something that causes interference so that the Galra ships where Voltron is cannot get a signal through to the Galra at Earth. Sam reports the successful communication blockage to Voltron, who only then start attacking the sentry-piloted Galra fighters. Why was Voltron waiting to attack? It’s just three small fighters. Voltron has taken out more Galra ships with one attack than this before.

Voltron’s attack is new. Normally, Voltron’s blasters are beam weapons, but now out of nowhere Voltron is using some kind of tumbling clumps of energy. I don’t understand the design decision making for this show that thinks it’s okay to have something like this that’s never been depicted before and here comes out of nowhere. Two of three Galra fighters are destroyed, and Pidge says to not destroy the third because she’s “got an idea.” Pidge has Team Voltron land the Lions on a Saturnian moon. Only then do we find out that one of the Lions caught the third Galra fighter like a dog catching a ball. All of Team Voltron loads up in the fighter, piloted by Keith. There is a weird inclusion of a shot of the mice and Kaltenecker with an Allura voiceover about hoping they’ll be okay left behind on the Lions. Was anyone in the audience watching this show worried about the mice and Kaltenecker not being in the Galra fighter with everyone else? It’s such a weird inclusion.

Team Voltron makes their way to Earth and flies right through a fleet of Galra cruisers, never being hailed by any of the Galra. Even with if the Galra think that this is just a Galra fighter, it’s not flying where it’s supposed to, so why wouldn’t anyone in the Galra fleet contact them to ask them where they’re headed?

Also, I guess the show forgot that the Green Lion can turn invisible. It’s like the show is preacting on situations that haven’t happened yet. The writer knows that the episode is going to move toward a conflict over Sendak wanting the Lions versus threatening Earth to get them. It feels forced that Voltron would leave all of the Lions at Saturn rather than come in with a cloaked Green Lion. The Paladins have successfully infiltrated Galra-controlled locations before using the Green Lion.

This episode so far has not given me any understanding of these characters’ thought process. What are they going to Earth for? What are they going to do there without the Lions? What is their plan? I don’t think they have one, they just want to get to Earth. This is just more of writing characters on this show to not behave realistically.

The Galra fighter is literally descending through Earth’s atmosphere because they’re trying to make it to make it to the surface, Keith even announces that they’re doing so, and then he says, “I’m losing altitude” like it’s a surprise. Yes, one would lose altitude when one enters a planet’s atmosphere with the intention of landing. Keith says, “Brace for impact.” It’s such fake drama. Apparently, they all collectively weighed too much for the fighter to be able to stay in flight, and Keith crashed. Honestly, their collective body weight is not that much. If an elevator can handle their weight, an advanced fighter craft should be able to too. Team Voltron walks up the hill from where they crashed, and in cresting the top of the hill, see the destruction of a city. Hunk recognizes this city, which he says is a half-hour from the Garrison.

As Team Voltron makes their way through the destroyed city, they come under attack by floating Galra balls. I guess these are supposed to be updated versions of the pyramid shaped drones the Galra had earlier in the show? Keith tells Lance he’s going to distract the drones so Lance can shoot them. Keith says, “Don’t miss.” I guess this is supposed to be playful banter? Lance takes out the drones, but then the team comes under fire from rifle-wielding sentries. The MFA pilots – because the Garrison apparently has no ground troops and has to use elite fighter pilots instead – drive in and start taking out the sentries. Rizavi and James are obnoxious to the Paladins. Given how this show’s production seemed to switch to liking their new characters more than the show’s main characters, I guess I shouldn’t be surprised that the MFE pilots would be written to be condescending to the main characters. James says that their weapons “neutralize [drones’] signals. It’s almost as if Team Voltron should have tried to get some information before they came to Earth, that they should have communicated with Sam and formed a plan. It’s in-story unrealistic, but this moment fits the meta-drama of the show’s poorly thought out production.

They ride to the Garrison, still behind its dome forcefield. The Pidge family reunion should feel emotional, but because of how obnoxiously this show has written Pidge, Sam, and Colleen, I really don’t care. Lance sees his family, and they all hug. Hunk watches Lance wistfully and thinks about when he left his family to study at the Garrison, though he looks older in this flashback than he did in the flashback in 7x01 “A Little Adventure.” Iverson says he’s glad to see Shiro again and apologizes for his having restrained him in 1x01 “The New Alliance.” I kind of love that Coran seems defensive of Shiro, saying, “Ah, so you’re the one who strapped Shiro to a table. I heard about that.”

Shiro responds, “You were just following orders, as any good soldier would.” Oh, the unintended irony of Shiro saying this while Sam and Iverson last episode repetitiously engaged in insubordination. Guess that makes Sam and Iverson not good soldiers then.

Shiro introduces Allura, Romelle, and Coran to Iverson. Iverson fakes being obnoxiously angry at Keith, and Keith actually demonstrates a lot of respect and salutes Iverson, only for Iverson to apologize to Keith. This moment is more tonal whiplash. Why did this show think writing fakeout tonality like this was a good thing? Keith apologizes to Iverson. Honestly, this show hasn’t shown anything about Keith back then that I think Keith needs to apologize for really. But whatever. Cosmo likes Iverson.

Keith sees James, James glares at him and walks away.

Then we get the short little few seconds the show has Shiro mourn Adam, seeing his name and picture on the memorial. The show can give the MFE pilots all last names but couldn’t give Adam one. His listing on the memorial only has his last initial, W. That’s really not how war memorials that list the names of the dead do it, they include last names. Was it really so hard for the people making this show to give characters last names?

Shiro says, “Adam, I’m sorry.” 16 seconds. That’s all the time this show gives for Shiro to mourn, for the resolution of Shiro’s and Adam’s relationship.

On to a staff meeting. Veronica reports that the Galra have been able to wipe out the resistance movement, which is interesting that it’s so quickly thrown away with a short line of dialog here since last episode ended with Veronica returning while proclaiming the excellence of the resistance. This is more narrative whiplash.

Hunk wants to know why this Garrison base isn’t bringing in more people to protect. Sam says it’s too risky. Hunk gets upset.

And then the show writes James to return to being an absolute terrible person. He yells at Hunk, “Do Paladins not understand the chain of command?” This is the ass that just last episode told Veronica that he didn’t need a “handler.” I am so sick of this show’s inconsistent writing. James yells, “Your CO said it’s too dangerous!” That CO has proven he doesn’t care about the chain of command since he and Iverson last episode repeatedly violated the chain of command. I really hate James.

Sam calls James down. Sam then says, “Believe me, I understand what you’re going through Hunk. We all have family out there.” Well, aside from Matt elsewhere in the universe, all of Sam’s family is right here safe. His saying this sounds thoroughly condescending. “We can’t lose ten people to save twelve.” Why is Sam now so cautious when he spent the last two episodes clashing with Sanda because she wanted to be cautious and Sam didn’t? More inconsistent writing.

Allura tries to be diplomatic and move the meeting along. Sam takes them to the hangar to show them the four second-generation MFE ships. Sanda just stands silently behind everyone in the elevator. I was thinking maybe Sanda was elsewhere and that’s why she hadn’t yet shown up in this episode. Coran says he might be able to help with the issues the Garrison has had in keeping the fighters powered.

And then we’re shown the Atlas for the first time, and the tone of its reveal is nothing compared to what I would expect given how much the previous two episodes kept setting it up. The reveal just sort of happens. Sam says it can house the Lions and “an entire command unit.” I actually really like the design of the Atlas as a ship (less so as a mecha).

Sanda finally speaks, “It’s built but it can’t fly.” She then says, “Everyone, there’s a subject we can’t avoid any longer. Sendak attacked Earth because he wanted the Lions, and now they’re here. It seems that we need to at least discuss our options.” Why did the episode’s writer think that this transition from here’s-the-Atlas to suddenly we-should-consider-giving-Sendak-the-Lions actually worked? The transition doesn’t work at all. It’s jarring. Why would Sanda pick right now to bring this up? I can kind of understand why Sanda would think giving Sendak what he wants should be considered, but having her be like this just feels forced. The writing just does not feel realistic to have her think that the Galra would just go away if given the Lions.

Sam yells, “The universe needs the Lions.” Except for of course right now since they were left at Saturn and the Paladins don’t have any means to get back to them. Again, what was the plan? Why in the world would the Paladins leave the Lions behind without a means to get back to them? Some miscellaneous guy speaks, agreeing with Sanda.

I do like that Allura speaks up and says, “I’ll settle this right now, we’re not giving up the Lions under any circumstances.” They do kind of belong to her, after all. Sanda yells back, “Maybe you should leave the matters of Earth to the people who live here.” Allura totally could have countered with something like, okay, fine, I won’t use my warships to help you. Shiro tries to explain how they have enough experience fighting the Galra to know that offering Sendak what he demands won’t work. Sanda says, “We barely know what we’re up against. We need intelligence.” So, did the files Sam brought with him not include information about the Galra? The Garrison can pinpoint three fighters millions of miles from Earth to be able to block their communication, but they have no means to gain intelligence of what’s going on on Earth? Instead of having the Paladins come to Earth and leave the Lions behind, they could have had at least the Green Lion use its cloak to scan around Earth and get intelligence. If Voltron could image a Galra ship on Earth from billions of light-years away, then it could totally be used for intelligence gathering. But the show wrote the Paladins to leave the Lions behind and travel to Earth without any plan whatsoever. I don’t know why I keep expecting this show to have characters behave realistically.

Turns out, Sam’s files from the Castle of Lions does have information, the Garrison apparently just hasn’t bothered to go through it. Allura points out that those files would still have Sendak’s memories taken from him way back in 1x11 “Crystal Venom.” (I miss the show being as well written as it was back during “Crystal Venom.”) Pidge agrees with Allura that the memories could “give us some insight into Sendak’s plan.” I mean, those memories wouldn’t contain anything that has happened to Sendak since the first season of the show, but okay, sure.

Miscellaneous Garrison guy takes Allura, Pidge, and Colleen to the room-filled computer network that they’ve had to use to process the Altean data files. Why is Colleen with them? “Sifting through that much information is like trying to find a needle in a haystack,” the guy says. Tangent: I’m not a fan of that idiom – like trying to find a needle in a haystack – because it implies something that is near impossible to do. The thing is, finding a needle in a bunch of hay wouldn’t be all that difficult, just use a good, strong magnet.

Sam shows Shiro and Coran the inside of the Atlas. Coran says that a ship like the Atlas might need “two or three battleship-class Balmeran crystals” to be able to be properly powered. Shiro kind of jokes, “I don’t suppose there are any Balmera nearby.” Coran then laughs rejectingly, “In this young galaxy?” This is more of this show not doing any research. The estimated age of the Milky Way is over 13-billion years old. There was a study released in 2018 of a star in the Milky Way that’s not quite 2000 light-years from Earth; that star is approximate 13.5-billion years old. Even without the increased precision of determining this star’s age, age estimates for some globular clusters in the Milky Way have been dated to over 12-billion years old, and those globular cluster studies were published in like 2003. Current best estimates for the age of the universe is 13.8-billion years old. The Milky Way, despite how Coran was written to act here, is not young.

Allura comes across some prosthetic arms and legs hanging on a wall. The miscellaneous Garrison guy says that they’re designs Sam has made for injured soldiers. “Like everything else, we don’t have an adequate power source to make them viable,” he says. Of course, this is foreshadowing Shiro’s upcoming new arm. I’ll tell you right now, I don’t like his new arm, and I’ll have a lot to say about it soon. Pidge has found Sendak’s memories.

There’s a sudden, jarring transition to a flashback of Hunk working on a car’s motor with his father. And as sudden as we transitioned into the flashback, we transition out of it to Hunk in the Garrison. Keith stops to talk to Hunk, “I’m not really good at talking with people. I don’t expect you to open up to me, but if there’s ever anything on your mind—” I can’t really say that I’ve liked much in this episode, but I really like Keith in this moment. This is the kind of reflection and building of relationships that the show desperately needed more of. Hunk doesn’t wait for Keith to finish before launching into an understandable rant about Earth being occupied by Galra. Hunk says, “I know it’s stupid, but I used to daydream about coming home to a peaceful Earth.” This continues to be a really good character moment, the kind that this series has seemed to have actively avoided having for a long time. Hunk feels bad that he doesn’t know if his family is okay, he feels a bit envious that Pidge and Lance have theirs right now and he doesn’t.

Then Keith says, “Look, Hunk, I never told you this, but of all the Paladins you’re the one I’m most impressed by.” It does feel really weird that Keith says this about Hunk and not about Shiro. But then, I guess if the show has Keith referencing “of all the Paladins” and Keith isn’t thinking of Shiro as a Paladin, then it’s technically not Keith ignoring how important Shiro has been to him in the past, I guess. Keith continues on to support Hunk emotionally, and Hunk then grabs Keith and hugs him. The emotion of the scene is really nice, even if it feels slightly off re: Keith’s relationship with Shiro being ignored. Hunk then says he’s going to get his family and Keith says he’s going with him.

They sneak to get one of the Garrison’s vehicles. Absolutely unrealistically, James and Veronica have been standing in the dark by one of the vehicles, like they were waiting to catch Keith and Hunk. James says, “My problem is that I don’t want to see our only hope for saving Earth get hurt.” The writing then does yet another switch-flip in the tonality of character behavior. Now, suddenly, James is all helpful and says he and Veronica are coming with Hunk and Keith. I am tired of this show’s whiplash. I can tell that the writers throughout this series think these whiplash moments are good writing, but they’re just not.

Sam joins Pidge, Allura, and Colleen. I still don’t understand what Colleen is doing here. If the show had established her to be skilled with computers or something, I’d get it. If they had her say something about just wanting to be around Pidge, I’d get it. They get the memory files working by creating a system similar to how the Castle worked with Alfor’s memories. Pidge has Sam test it by asking the memories questions, the hologram of Sendak answers. Sam asks the hologram to “explain to me your methods for conquering planets.” The hologram says there are many ways to do it, conquering primitive people is easiest. Allura asks about more advanced civilizations, and the hologram says, “There are always those willing to sacrifice themselves for the greater good. That’s why it is best to find something they value more than themselves and make that the target.” This is nicely consistent with how Sendak thought back in 1x05 “Return of the Gladiator” when he decided to attack the Paladins through attacking the Arusians. Pidge and Sam ask a few more questions, and then Allura asks, “What if a planet refuses to give up, no matter the cost?” and the hologram answers, “If a planet refuses to give up, then we annihilate it, but only one planet has ever refused: Altea.” Allura cuts the hologram off. She’s clearly emotionally bothered by it.

In some ruined city, Hunk, Keith, James, and Veronica are doing something unexplained in the standard way the writers think having characters do miscellaneous stuff without explanation is interesting. Veronica, apart from the rest of the group, attaches a triangle to a doorway, and James says she’s successfully sent a signal and now they just have to wait. Hunk has another really short flashback of cooking with his mother.

Hunk, Keith, James, and Veronica are waiting in a sewer until some old dude shows up and tells them to come with him. They go to some location where there are a few maps and stuff on tables and walls. He says, “Amazing, the rumors are true! Word of the Paladins’ return has inspired the resistance.” This completely contradicts what Veronica said at the beginning of this episode that the resistance had been wiped out. And since she was the one who contacted this guy in this scene, it would seem she knew the resistance wasn’t wiped out, so why did she earlier say it was?

They look out of a window down to some Galra facility. Veronica says, “Is this where they’ve taken all the prisoners?” Considering the size of the population of Earth, it would be impossible for “all the prisoners” to be in any one location. The resistance guy says that it’s a workcamp Sendak is using to mine for materials he’s using to build something. Veronica says that if the labor-force has been moved inside the Galra camp, then they can’t get to Hunk’s parents. So, is this supposed to be the city near the Garrison base, or is it a different city? Is Hunk originally from super close to this main Garrison base? How else would they assume that Hunk’s parents are here instead of elsewhere? This story does not feel like it has the actual planetary scope that it should have.

Shiro goes to talk to Allura. She says, “Sendak’s memories were hard to hear, but it did remind me of something my father once said. He told me that there were those with the power to destroy and those with the power to create.” She reveals Shiro’s new arm to him. She must be really good at manufacturing to have built this in such little time.

Hunk is looking through some binoculars down at the Galra camp. He sees his parents and vows to get them out.

This episode has a couple of truly nice moments, but a lot of it still bothers me. I don’t like all the tonal whiplash. I don’t like that the Paladins came to Earth with absolutely no plan whatsoever. I don’t like the way this show continues to write Sanda. I hate James. And I hate that the 16 seconds in this episode is all we get of the resolution of Adam for Shiro.