#have an air fryer 1/3 of the way there

[claredanko]

mutual 1: got in a car accident today didnt have time to masturbate bc i had to exchange insurance info with the other guy but i think i have a chance of hooking up with him bc he drove a ford

mutual 2: call me throat cancer the way peter tork could get it

mutual 3: (500 reblogs of a robert de niro/martin scorsese yaoi photoshop edit)

mutual 4: i think love will always be there. even when you wish it werent. (gif of rotating monkeys)

mutual 5: breaking news stephen stills stopped taking estradiol because it made him experience menopause symptoms

mutual 6: who would be the first member of the beastie boys to get an abortion i vote ad rock

mutual 7: (web weaving post dedicated to descriptions of nonsexual intimacy in an air fryer instruction manual)

mutual 8: heres a link to my google drive containing every single article on jstor its continuously updated but please DM me if ive missed one.

mutual 9: (poll) my psychiatrist told me i might be the cause for my relationship issues with the elderly gay couple ive been practicing bdsm with should i kill the psychiatrist or myself?

mutual 10: giys im scared

mutual 11: trent reznor has never washed his pussy but id still eat it every day #feminist

mutual 12: went for a walk and got some coffee. the sun is shining, children are playing on the street and life is wonderful

mutual 13: drafting my suicide note while on hold with the bank rn

mutual 14: (photo of the most gorgeous plate of food imaginable) quick dinner tonight! didnt have time to sous vide the quail so i opted for a quick braise - still turned out delicious!

mutual 15: sooo.... apparently my city has been cursed with an eternal night for like 3 years and i didnt notice? kinda gerardcore if you u ask me..

[torpublishinggroup]

"Warning Signs Your Machines Are Trying to Kill You!" by TJ Klune

(Legally, I’m required to tell you that when smart phones first became popular, I bought one and then asked for the address of the app store because I thought it was a physical location I had to go to in order to download apps and not something already on your phone. Also, I was recently told I speak like an old person so as a warning, there will not be any slang you youths typically hear, especially on Tumblr. Any slang I’ve learned in the last five years has been against my will. I still don’t know what FOMO means, and I don’t care.)

1. Oh no! You and your family are trying to enjoy a movie night, but Overlord Prime (With Free Shipping) wants a sacrifice at the altar of their god, BeeZos. Should this happen, do not attempt to give Overlord Prime (With Free Shipping) a cantaloupe with googly-eyes on it and say that it is your baby. Overlord Prime (With Free Shipping) knows the difference between fruit and children. Instead, ask the machine to order dog food, and it will forget about eating humans for a little while.

2. If you own a very fancy vehicle that can drive itself, always make sure to carry a brick. That way, when the car locks you inside and attempts to drive you off a cliff into a gas station, you can break the window using the brick. You will then have to jump out, but make sure you do so in time so you can watch the wicked-ass explosion when the car hits the gas station, and you can revel in your victory over your car.

3. This one will hurt. I’m sorry, but it’s true. Chances are, you’re reading this on your phone right this second. To be safe, after you’ve finished reading this post and have clicked on the affiliated links to purchase my books, you should throw your phone into a volcano and then move to South Dakota where there are no machines, only wind and cows. That way, when everyone else gets the 5GZombieVirus that people on Twitter (I’m not calling it the other thing, shut up) seem to think is real, you’ll be safe with your cows on a windy day.

4. Get rid of your air fryer. Don’t ask me why, just do it. Red flags all around. Danger, danger.

5. Do you know of the Clapper? That thing first launched in the late 20th century (I wrote it that way to make me feel old) where the commercials showed cranky old people unable to reach their light switches, so they got a thing called a Clapper that turns your lights on and off when you clap? Guess what? Those will be the first things to try and kill you. If you love your gram-gram, save her from the Clapper. When she asks why you are destroying it with an ax, tell gram-gram it’s because you love her.

6. Do you live in a smart home? The kind where everything is connected to the internet, including your refrigerator? The refrigerator that holds your perishable foods? And oh, would you look at that: how many ice cubes have you kicked under it rather than picking them up when they fall to the floor? A dozen? A million? The refrigerator remembers. And it will spoil your food in seconds. What then? What are you going to eat? Canned food? Not if the refrigerator falls on top of you!

Unfortunately for you, this is where it must end. I hope this has given you enough information to help you survive the inevitable. If you do not heed my warnings, well. Who cares. I’m not in charge of you. Do whatever you want. Just don’t come complaining to me when gram-gram gets the clap.

[dendro-bunny]

Deepspace

Rafayel x Reader

Genre: hurt to comfort, angst to fluff, suggestive on all boys

Synopsis: Being around you is his favorite part of the day… Yet he called you clingy and annoying… so you gave him space…

Warning: break downs, feeling less than, depression, misunderstanding, anxiety, delusion (the part where he’s hoping you’re in a certain part of the house)

(A/n): I like hurting feelings :) but I also like making them aaalllllll better <3 I WRITE SO MUCH LORD HELP ME! THE OTHER BOYS WILL BE IN DIFFERENT PARTS! Also may continue each part with a spicy part 😋

Part 1.5 , part 2, part 2.5, part 3, part 3.5

============================================================================

Rafayel (frustration blinded him)

You sit at the bottom of the ladder your artist is sitting at the top of. His legs dangle ever so slightly in front of you. You watch his fingers do meticulous strokes on the canvas.

Your fingers fiddle with the cuffs of his pants. You have a few markers you’re making doodles with on his pants leg. You occasionally comment on the colors he puts on the canvas. Saying how pretty the contrast is, or how much it brings the piece together. Only encouraging words.

You’ve probably been sitting like this for 4 hours, you start to feel hungry realizing you missed lunch and so has Rafayel. So you get up and walk to the kitchen to make some food.

“Hey bae you hungry?” You raise your voice slightly from the kitchen.

“Not hungry.” He replies hurriedly.

You peak your head out the door way from the kitchen. “You sure?” You get a ‘mhm’ back and sigh. You make food for the both of you and you put his in the air fryer.

You walk over with your food in hand and rest your head on his thigh. He moves his thigh so you aren’t resting on him anymore. You blink at him in confusion.

You see his face is contorted in concentration and every few seconds he lets out huffs of frustration. You wait a moment eating more of your food before trying to sit at the bottom of the ladder again. You feel his foot nudge you off.

“Babe… I wanna sit next to you…” you frown deeply at his huff.

“Look I just need one moment of space, can you not be so clingy for 5 seconds.” You hear him mutter under breath. The part that shocks you is what he mutters after.

“Honestly kind of annoying. Don’t you have other things to do than bothering me?” He mutters this, not even sparing you a glance. If he had he would see the hurt on your face. The betrayal in your eyes. The quiver of your bottom lip you have to bite to keep yourself grounded.

“Oh… sorry… your food is in the air fryer.” You back away. You give him the space he wants. So much space you leave the apartment. After gathering your things. You know he’ll be working on that picture for the next few days. Best to give him his space right?

Maybe you were being annoying and clingy. You mean you’ve been so close to him for the last couple of days. Barely separating long enough to use the bathroom.

Maybe you were a bit annoying constantly distracting him from paintings. He’s always said you were the only one that he would let distract him during those times. But maybe he was just hiding his annoyance.

The silence in the room is deafening. Your chimes of support and jokes leaves rafayel in a choking silence. He looks to where you last were. You’re not there. Immediately his inspiration flees. The once languid hand holding his brush falls limp against his leg. Shoulders slumping and a pout on his face.

“Babe?!” He waits for a response. 1. 2. 3. Beats go past nothing. He gets down from his ladder and heads to the kitchen. Maybe you’re too busy stuffing your face to answer him. As he enters the kitchen he smells the food you’d prepared for him.

As he opens the air fryer he sees the old dish your grandmother taught you. The most amazing lobster rolls he ever tasted. He hadn’t realized how hungry he was till he look at the plate. So much love and effort was put into the dish. He felt bad for destroying it in a few bites. He really has to find you now he has to thank you for making such delicious food for him.

You really are the best girlfriend he could ever ask for. The best girlfriends get tired easy from being so great! You must be in his bed! The only reasonable place left for you to be! When he walks into his room however it’s unsettlingly tidy and untouched. His face turns to a pout. He storms around his studio looking for you. Turing the place upside down. When he concludes you left, get checks his camera system for when you left.

2 hours ago. He sees you walk into entrance and crouch down. Your shoulders shake as you weep. For 3 minutes you stay like that. When you stand you don’t bother to wipe your eyes. You just hop on your motorcycle and ride off.

His heart sinks. What happened, he genuinely doesn’t remember. He spends a few minutes thinking and comes up with nothing. Why can’t he remember what happened. He shoots you a text… he gets no immediate response. So he texts again, and again, and again.

Rafayel [14:30] :

-Can’t believe you just left me all alone! 😭

Rafayel [14:35]:

-it’s fine I forgive you!

-Especially since you made me such delicious lobster!

-You know you should tell me when you leave though!

Rafayel [14:50]:

-you know I’m not upset…

-why aren’t you answering?!

-Are you ok?!

-Babe?!

You [21:30]:

-sorry was on an urgent mission.

-The wander cut off the service in the area.

-You’re welcome for the lobster.

-Heading to bed now good night.

Rafayel looks at his phone is disbelief. The entire time he was waiting he’s just been staring at the sea. Waiting to see if a message in a bottle would wash up on shore. And hopefully the message was from you. Dramatic he knows. But he feels lost. Without you next to him he can’t concentrate on anything else but you.

The message is as dry as it gets. No emojis, no hearts, no feelings. And you’re going to bed… without him?! He responds with ‘oh ok… good night my muse… sleep well I love you.’ With a few hearts and kissy faces… nothing back.

You stare at the last message. Your emotions are mixed, you feel guilty but upset, sad but on edge. Was he manipulating you? How does he not know how you feel? How could be blatantly ignore what he said?!

You know it’s petty and immature. Maybe it’s best you guys have some space. You make a promise to yourself to keep your interactions short for the next week.

And you do rather well… for 3 days. His texts get more and more frequent and he seems worried in them all. Yet you don’t respond, well only a few times. Declining dates and things of the sort. The fourth day you get no messages or call. It isn’t until Thomas calls you this fourth day pleading you to go talk to Rafayel and get him to hurry on his painting. Since it’s the centerpiece at the hunter association’s gala. You think that when you get there it’ll be the same song and dance as always. Listening to him whine about much there is something missing and having to go on a wild goose chase.

When you open the door. You find the place in a worst state than normal. Yeah sure it’s messy sometimes but this time there are sketches and concepts and creations just sparred around. When you pick one up, it’s of you a sketch of your smile. Then one of you laughing, then one of you 3 days ago outside his door.

“RAFAYEL?!” You begin to panic. Unsure of how his headspace may be.

You hear a crash, then shatter of glass. You turn and see Rafayel hunched over a table with the glass on the floor adjacent to him. His knuckles white from gripping the table. The shaking of his shoulders, you’re unsure of from rage or sadness, is prevalent. It isn’t till he lets out a choked sob do you know why he is shaking.

“Rafayel… babe?” Your voice barely above a whisper. You watch his head snap up at your voice. His face puffy and red. Eyes sore from tears. When he speaks his voice is hoarse. “(Y/N)? You’re here?” He larches forward slowly afraid you’ll disappear. “Wh- why?” His voice breaks as more tears begin to fall.

“Thomas… called me. Are you ok? What happened. I was worried when you stopped texting but I assumed you were busy!” You begin to lead him to the couch clearing off papers and sketch books. (All full of you btw)

“Thomas… you answer Thomas’ calls? But not mine?! Why?! Why did you just leave?! What happened?! What did I do to you that made you break down in my front garden!?” You look shocked at his outburst and look away taking your bottom lip between your teeth.

“You don’t remember?” He shakes his head no. From the slight gesture you can tell he got dizzy. He hasn’t eaten you can tell by the way you see his veins strain to pump blood through his body.

“4 days ago… you rejected my affection. And when I said I wanted to be close to you. You called me clingy and annoying. After I made food for us…” you sigh and look at him. You see he’s deep in thought trying to recount those memories.

“These past days… I’ve just been trying to give you space, to complete the painting. And your texts made me think you didn’t care about what you said so-“ you get cut off by a strong embrace. Whimpers and sobs are muffled by your shoulder.

“I’m so sorry. I’m so so sorry. I didn’t remember… I was zoned out so hard I forgot who you were. In my mind in that moment you weren’t you. I guess I was so frustrated cause the piece just wasn’t working. Idk who my mind made you to be but that’s not how I think of you. You’re the only person in the entire world I’d let even be around me while I paint.” He takes your hands and presses soft kisses to them. “I’m so sorry I made you feel less than utterly precious. You are my priceless conch, whose voice is a song I’d listen to on repeat. My actions can’t and won’t just be excused and I don’t deserve forgiveness for making you cry.”

You kiss his hands and get him to stop talking. “My artist… my lemurian… my Rafayel. I do forgive you. You said yourself you were frustrated and that’s a valid emotion. But my emotions are valid to. I know I wasn’t being mature giving you the cold shoulder. I was just angry and hurt that I thought you forgot but you really didn’t remember. I’m sorry Yel’… I love you more than anything, and I never meant for this to happen. You gesture to the room and the state of his home.

You embrace him this time. Stroking his hair and shedding tears with him. Soon he looks up at you with puffy doe eyes. “Can we get something to eat… I haven’t eaten anything since the lobster rolls.” Your eyes widen.

“Raf! Seriously?!” The gasp and shriek make his head spin. He gives a nod shyly.

You hop up and head to the kitchen. Making water and food for him. You feel arms wrap around you as you cook. Soft kisses are peppered against your neck, as rafayel inhales your sent. “I missed you… oh, what did Thomas call you for?”

You turn to face him. “He wanted to make sure you got to center piece for the gala done… is it?”

You see him bite his lip and give a guilty smile. “Noooo… I’ve been busy… crying… you know cause my muse wasn’t around to give me inspiration.” He teases and laughs weakly as you give an offended scoff.

“I have some inspiration right now but I don’t think I could even lift a pencil right now.” He leans fully on your shoulder. Basking in your warmth as a yawn rips its way out of him.

He’s at peace. How could he not be, his muse is back in his arms.

————————————————————————————————————————

Bro… 4am thoughts be hitting different. But I wrote so much that it extended to a couple of days. Fun fact I was gonna do the other two as well but there was too much BUT RAFAYEL WILL HAVE A SMUT CONTINUATION OF THIS AND SO WILL THE OTHER BOYS!

[cassandras-cheekbones]

Five self-care tips while binge-playing a game:

(This is not medical advice. If you have a condition that requires medical treatment you should consult with your doctor)

With Dragon Age: The Veilguard being released soon, I thought about making this post to bring to light some ways to take care of yourself while playing a game for hours and hours. This advice applies even to me, as I have a tendency to get a little obsessed and not take good care of myself.

Here we go:

1. If you are able to stand, get up and walk around often. Like every hour if you can. If you are not able to, wear compression socks and stretch. You can find good compression socks on Amazon and many other online stores.

2. Eye stretches - every half hour. Look up, down, to the right, and the left. Helps prevent the “gaming for too long” headache you get right behind your eyeballs.

3. Water: yes, you need to drink it. Even if it means you’re getting up to go pee a lot. Stay hydrated!

4. Food! You should take a break for real food. Snacks are great while you’re gaming to keep you going, but don’t forget to have a real meal too. Pause the game, make a sandwich or pop something in the air fryer! Doesn’t have to be a Michelin star meal.

5. Be social. Leave the room you’re gaming in and join others. If you live alone, take a serenity break and go out to see other people. Remind yourself that you live in the real world! (However much fun it might be to play in a fake one!)

[fr3akho3]

Stuck in a sticky situation

Kinktober day 1: Tied up

Warnings: Tied up, use of nickname ‘Drac’ ‘Draculara’ ‘Princess’, Boyfriend! Peter Parker, Established relationship, Fem! Upset! Reader, slight angst, fluff at the end, after care, slut calling, praise, SoftDom! Peter Parker, Tied webbed to bed

2.5K words

You were having a hard enough day already, everything was off schedule and you were stressed, you were already 14 minuets late to your boyfriend, Peter Parker's, house, your phone had died, and you were not in the mood for mid-day New York traffic.

After 20 more wonderful minutes of Queens traffic you arrive to his apartment, buzzing him then heading up.

As soon as Peter opens the door to you, you collapse in to his warm arms, a comforting smell of cinnamon that he knew you liked so much filling your nostrils.

"You miss me, Drac?" He laughs out, stroking gently on the back of your head. You only let out a quick nod, not caring to step out of the doorway. "You tired, bad day?" You nod softly, a tear trickling down your cheek, the familiar lump in your throat bobbing back up. "Let's go to my room, Draculara, yeah?"

You both lay on Peter's bed, not saying anything, just holding one another peacefully, softly kissing every once in a while.

"You want anything to eat? I can't cook or bake but I own an air fryer? I'm sure I can make something you'd like in there?" Peter says; gently sitting up and placing your head comfortably on his thighs, stroking your soft hair, feeling fuzzy against his callous finger tips.

"Oh my god, dude, you know what would be so good right now? Fuckin' crinkle cut fries, they’re so good, you should make us some," You say smiling happily. "Please, Peter?" You beg happily, to your boyfriend's dismay he gets up and heads to his kitchen but not without turning around and lifting you out of his bed, he places an arm around you, walking you and himself to the kitchen, he pulls out a chair for you and goes to his freezer, getting the fries out as you pull your phone out.

"Drac? Who you texting?" He says; a tinge of jealousy pangs in his voice along with curiosity, as he goes on his toes to try and see.

"No one, i'm putting music on, Pete." You say, smiling as you hear the jealousy in his voice, knowing you would and could never see another person in the same way you love, or even like, him.

"What song, you thinking, bug?" He smiles at you, his smile lines were your favorite.

"Mm Pretty girls make graves, Love songs on the radio, or Luna?" You ask him looking up from your phone.

"I have no idea what songs those are, so you pick." He says, ogling over you just sitting there.

"Luna's a Smashing Pumpkin songs, and Pretty girls make graves is The Smiths, and then Love songs on the radio's Mojave 3" You state like it was the most common thing on the world.

"I'm sorry, Mojave 3?" He says checking on the fries, making sure they're cooking fine and not burning.

"Yeah, good band, promise."

"Put Love songs on the radio, whatever you pick'll sound good" You put on love songs on the radio, the soft melody filling yours and his eardrums as you stare at each other, content with the love you have for one another.

The fries finish and you sit peacefully with each other, the fries sat and watching from an oval bowl, you've both found your way to Peter's bed, eating and watching Hocus-Pocus on his laptop.

"He's cute," you say not thinking about it about Max from Hocus Pocus

"No he's not, he's probably ugly and old now." Peter says getting defensive which gets you smiling

"Peter, I think your beautiful."

"You do, Drac? You promise?" He says looking away, he's aware it's corny and sappy but he doesn't ignore his feelings.

"Yeah...I do, promise." You say softly, kiss between his forehead and hairline.

Peter kisses your lips softly, devouring your saliva like it was The Body of Christ, worshipping your every movement.

Those few kisses lead to you straddling his lap, he kisses your forehead as you go for his neck and collarbone, leaving small bites and hickeys all over.

"You know...May's working a 10 hour shift...we have a lot of time...only if you wanna..." He stuttered through every word, it wouldn't be your first time together intimately and certainly not last, but Peter was always respectful and careful to avoiding breaking boundaries and such.

"Mm a lot of time to do what?" You said intoxicatingly, the way your voice sounded induced him further, the apples of his cheeks growing red.

"You know...get together..." He said shyly; his pale face turning a light pink

"Oh yeah?" You say teasingly, not wanting to let the moment end.

"Yeah..." He says getting red. "Can we try something...new...together?" He suggests rather sheepishly

"Like what?" Yoh look at him with those beautiful eyes he loves so much

"Well it's October, Halloween season, and I have webs..."

"Whatcha suggesting, Pete?" You say brushing your hands through out parts of his hair

"Wanna tie you up...web you to the bed..." he says hiding his face in the crook of your neck

"What? Can't hear you?" You tease him further.

"Wanna tie you up and let me fuck you," he says louder, still hiding his face in your neck, leaving soft kisses.

"Do it then, pussy." You laugh softly out; teasing the poor boy to his wits end.

"Oh yeah? You gonna be a good girl and let me?"

"Please" You say looking into his eyes

"Want me to tie you up and fuck you? Yeah? Oh yeah?" He whispers; hesitating to go on

"Fuck, yeah, Pete. I need you" you breathe out, staring at him from on top of his lap.

He slides his shirt off, taking your shirt off of you as well, leaving you in only a bra. He lifts you off his lap and puts you sat back on his bed, elbows propped up beneath you. He soon slides down your pants revealing underwear.

"You look perfect, you know that? Gonna take such good care of you" He says grabbing the Vaseline from his bedside table, rubbing it softly on your wrists.

He gets up and grabs his web shooters you whimper as both your hands are webbed to his bed frame

He's careful to pull your bra above your soft and tender boobs carefully. He takes his callus hands spreading one knee to the side then soon the other, he smiles up at you at your slick spreads with your folds.

He massages around your nipples as you whimper, he brushes your cheek with his other hand, inserting his finger inside, stretching you with your slick

"That feel good ,baby, tell me when you want me, okay?"

"O-okay! I want you now, please! I need you, Parker" you beg, vulnerably.

"I'm gonna put it in, alright?" He says softly; pushing your hair out of your face as you nod rapidly.

He's hardened dick slowly teases your entrance, making sure to go slow not wanting to harm you. He's cold hands grabbing onto your hips, his palms cupping your ass and back of your thighs, while his thumb strokes the inside of your thighs, holding them apart.

His tip enters, he pulls in and out a few times trying to feel you out; leaving you whimpering for more.

He's soft to make sure he isn't hurting you; wanting your pleasure as much as his.

He goes all the way in, earning a grown from both of you. His moan was long and relieving.

“Parker, please, start moving.” You beg, your legs crossed around his hips, your hands gripping at the webbing.

“Be patient, Draculara, s’gonna take good care of you, yeah? You gonna be my good girl?” He teases, slowly moving his hips in and out. “Look at You? My pretty girl, all spread for me, all naked, tied up. Fuck I need you”

He pulls all the way out and slams back in, letting out a lewd moan, you whimper as your knees clamp against his waist.

“Fuck! Parker! Please, go harder, please baby?” You squirm and he lightly pinches at your nipple, caressing the other between his hand

“No, keep ‘em open for me, princess, or I swear I’ll stop.” He goes all the way out, leaving his tip in as he slams his hips in and out. “Yeah? You good princess- ah- fuck- you see how hard I am for you? Fuck- y-you see how my cock fucks you?” His hands Go to your waist, moving you up and down on his cock as he goes in and out.

“Fuck! Parker! Please, I’m begging you! Fuck me harder! Please Parker! Fuck- I need you- I want everyone to know I’m yours and I need you so badly, please, baby?” You beg, trying to move your hands; he lets out a chuckle watching you suffer as one finger goes to your clit and the other on your waist.

“I know, Princess, your doing so good for me, yeah? Just keep going for me, your gonna feel so much pleasure, s’yeah?” He goes faster, the lewd sounds of his moans filling the room, as you bite at your cheek, concealing the sounds of your loud moans.

“You feel so good in me- babe- babe! Don’t stop, don’t stop, don’t stop, please! I- I- I- need you, please baby” you beg your knees clenching together, Peter looks down at you as he stops.

“What’d I say Princess? Spread ‘em Draculara. Maybe I’ll eat you out later if your good, okay? C’mon Princess be a good girl for me and spread ‘em legs?” He’s careful to not mess up your hair as he strokes your cheek

“I-I’m sorry, please, Peter, keep going?” You smile at him as he begins rubbing your clit, ghosting on top of it.

“I’m gonna start going, yeah?” He’s quick to put his cock back in, going slow at first, before putting it all in you, he quickly pulls out leaving just the tip before slamming all of him back in, not giving you time to adjust before fucking you faster then ever, while rubbing your clit with his callus fingers.

“You want it? Mm- yeah princess? You’ll have it. All of it, fuck- all of me. Oh- oh- fuck- mm” deep inhales leave his body, you hear his heavy breathing, his hand leaving your waist and going to your stomach, pressing down to see how far he is, making you go crazy

“Fuck, I love all of you in me, you’re so good to be, Parker, wanna see you cum, wanna see you cum in me, please- Fuck! I- I- I can take it, all of you. I promise.” You whimper out, your back arching forward as your squirm and yell out sinful moans.

“Mm- fuck- Drac- your driving me fuckin crazy- I’m so close- I’m so close- oh- oh- oh! Yeah! Fuck! I love you- princess fuck! Oh yeah? You really love me? Yeah? You gonna let me fuck you? Oh princess…oh fuck, oh what did I do to- ah- deserve this pretty pussy! Mm- please!” He goes faster, you can see this thigh muscles flexing , his cock twitching inside you with every movement.

“Oh- oh- oh! Please! F-fuck! Fuck me! Parker, please, I’m so in love with you, I’m so so in love with you. I need you! I need more of you! I need more of you in me!” You beg as you grind for any friction left.

“Drac- f-fuck! Your tiddies s’beautiful. Wanna suck on ‘em, can I? Please, oh- oh! Please baby let me suck on ‘em while I fuck you and hear your pretty m-moans?” He leans down and takes your boob in his mouth, swirling the warmth of his tongue on your erect nipple.

“Parker! Wanna cum with you! Please let me cum with you! P-please, oh! Oh! F-fuck, oh…oh…you’re so good to me, baby!” You whimper out grasping the webs as your hips lift off the bed.

“Princess- oh Drac! O-oh! Fuck- s’you…you slut…you are just so desperate for me, aren’t ya? You love this cock hard and deep in you? Look at you, didn’t even b-bother! F-fuck-to take your bra off fully, what kind of slut- oh- fuck! Can’t even wait to take her bra off!” He slams deeper within you, hitting the spongey spot that makes you feel so good, he goes up from your chest and leaves hickeys on your collar and moans into your mouth.

He slams his hips, bruising his bones at your entrance. He knows he’s close and he’s hoping you are too. He needs you to cum around his hard and veiny cock.

“F-fuck, my beautiful, smart girl, I’m so in- l-love with you babe! Fuck, can I cum in your pretty pussy, Drac? Pretty please, babe?” He begs with his brown doe eyes.

You don’t stop him, your mouth left agape from everything, his hands on your clit, one on your waist, his mouth against your neck. Soon the feeling of him warm, gooey, seamen fills you and he fucks it into you, it all becomes to much, his screams and yours fill the room.

“Fuck! Fuck! Fuck! Fuck! Don’t stop! Fuck me! Please! I’m cumming! I’m cumming! I’m cumming! Please, Parker! I love you!” You screams, your out of breathe and sweaty as his pace slows down, he kisses your cheek before slowly pulling out, being careful at his tip.

“S’You did so good for me, yeah? So good my princess. Was I Good for you?” He asks, kissing you and getting up, graving a warm wash cloth and wiping his cum out of you, careful to not hurt your tender cunt.

“Thank you, baby. You did so good, I love you.” He kisses you again. He gets an anti-web fluid and sprays it on your wrist, kissing them as he gets your wrists out.

“Wanna shower then cuddle? I wanna get you cleaned up, Drac” he says, rubbing Vaseline over the places where the webs had left purple and red. “S’My pretty pretty girl.”

“Yeah, shower then cuddle sounds good, thank you baby.” He sure you up and kisses your nipples then you, carrying you bridal to the bathroom, where you two were sure to have more fun.

Authors note: how we feeling about my first kinktober?

Tag-list:

@thedevax @tpaints @parkersmjs @eefeefeefeef12345 @whenisthefall @andr3wgarfieldsupremacist @blossoming-cee @d3adp00ls @aliengirl99 @just-levyy @nixxaswrld @mentallysickphysicallythicc @isretroavibe @olivezgalore @jakobsdump @crypticbutterfly5 @practicallylivesonline @did-someone-change-my-name @80pairsofcrocs

Comment to be added (will be posting tomorrows teaser shortly)

[psybombscorpion]

SAVOIR FAIRE [Formidable: Success] - You have shown a great attention to detail in your attempt to replicate the *Funny Cop Man*. The expression is spot on, no doubt due to countless hours staring at yourself in the mirror. The style of the clothing is accurate. You look older, which was intentional. The drunken-blush red of the nose, the bags under your eyes, the mutton-chops, even the tiny strand of hair coming down from your forehead. It's *Uncanny*.

YOU - ok, click post

CONCEPTUALIZATION [Easy: Success] - Wait! Think before you do this. The purpose of a side-by-side comparison is to be juxtaposed. Your *normal* picture looks dumber than your disco man does. Your glasses are huge. They make you look like a nerd. On that note, why are they pushed down on the bridge of your nose like that? Are you trying to make yourself look smarter? You can't fix a face like that. What emotion is that face trying to even convey? Flirtation? Narcissism? Stoicism? That is not what you are conveying. That's the kind of face that says *I can imagine anything*. That's the kind of face that says *Clearly you don't own an air-fryer*. That's the face only a mother could love.

1. - Post it anyway.

2. - [Drama - Legendary 14] Write skillcheck descriptions before posting.

3. - Refrain from posting at all [Leave.]

DRAMA [Legendary: Failure] - You may think yourself clever, but you can't distract the Tumblr users from you making a fool of yourself just because you have a decent vocabulary. Oh, yes, nobody could *possibly* make fun of you now, for you've already done so. I'm sure it gives off the impression of how *self-aware* you are, but all it really accomplished is proving that you are an amateur, and a try-hard. You're still *doing* it by the way. It's not going to change the way you're perceived. They'll still see you as an insufferable tool.

[spooniechef]

Slow Cooker Beef Pot Roast (0-1 spoon)

I know it's been about half-past forever. Between work and some home issues, I haven't really had the spoons for much. But that's kind of perfect because it means that I do have things to say in this particular bit of journal. Yes, mostly I was doing my tried-and-true regular recipes, but this month I decided to further explore the possibilities of my multicooker (Instant Pot kind of thing but without the brand name recognition). The pressure cooker function is great if you want soup or stew, but this month, I tried the slow cooking function. Honestly, this was a bit of a revelation for me, for reasons I'll go into in a bit more detail once I'm done with the recipe. It's all going to be approximates, mind you - but the best recipes generally are.

So, here's what you'll need

1 good-sized chunk of beef (see notes; somewhere in the 2-3lb range)

1 onion, quartered

3 cups of chopped root vegetables (carrots, parsnips, turnips)

Whole garlic cloves (to taste)

2-3 cups beef stock

1 cup red wine

2 bay leaves

Other herbs and spices to taste (see notes)

Here's what you do:

Sear the outside of the beef - you can use the browning function on your multicooker to do that, but doing it on the stove is quicker

Add the onion, root vegetables, garlic, bay leaves, and other herbs to the multicooker

Place the beef on top of the vegetables; add liquid

Cover and cook on low setting for 6-8 hours

Take out the beef to let it rest for 20 minutes

If you want gravy, strain the remaining liquid into a small saucepan, simmer on medium heat to reduce and gradually stir in maybe 1 tbsp cornstarch to thicken.

FEAST

A few notes:

The best thing about the slow cooker is that you can put everything together the night before. While you're putting together one night's dinner, you can just chop a couple of extra veg, spend another five minutes or so searing the meat, then put everything together in the inner pot of your multicooker and leave it covered in the fridge overnight. Just take it out of the fridge 20 minutes or so before you start cooking it.

The other good thing is that this literally needs nothing else done with it. No watching, no stirring, no nothing. You can switch on your multicooker or even set it to switch itself on at the appropriate time, go to work or whatever, and not only come home with dinner sorted, but you will come home with your whole home smelling wonderful. Then, all you have to do is make gravy if you want to.

Yet another good thing about the slow cooker is that it encourages use of the tougher, and generally cheaper, cuts of meat. The slow cooking breaks it down very well - as an example, I used silverside in mine (nearest to the rump, generally known as a drier and tougher cut) and when it was done and properly rested, it was so tender it fell apart when I so much as tried to get the binding string off. So you get several days' worth of lovely meals at a halfway reasonable price.

As to the beef stock and red wine, looking over several slow cooker beef recipes has led me to believe that as long as there's a certain amount of liquid in there for your beef to soak up, you're good. So experiment with whatever liquids, herbs and spices you want. Honestly, next time I'm going for less beef stock and a half-cup of A1.

I'm going to be doing other things with the slow cooker, so I promise there will be more to watch on this space. If nothing else, I'm having a vegetarian friend of mine over to dinner next month and I figure I should share recipes for things like the planned butternut squash risotto and the no-bake gingerbread cheesecake. Also, Sunday will see me take delivery of a small air fryer, which I feel like will very much improve my quality of life and certainly inspire me to new heights of cookery. And hey, running one of those is cheaper than heating up a single portion of tater tots in the oven.

So ... not dead, just reeeeeeeeeally lacking in spoons. But now I've found some ways to save a few, and this is as good a place as any to spend them.

[eyeofnewtblog]

Things that happen at work:

Spent a solid ten minutes today listening to a body builder (our night dispatch guy) just…go the fuck off about eating chicken.

In no particular order:

1)eating for utilitarianism frees up SO MUCH TIME AND MONEY

2) eating chicken every day is awful because he actually prefers fish but chicken is cheaper for the quantity of protein needed

3) contributes to the routine, it’s so quick and easy to just do the calculations once and then eat the same three meals forever

4) protein intake has to be at a certain level, chicken is the cheapest and easiest way to do it, but YOU CAN NEVER FRY IT

5) NO FRIED FOOD AT ALL EVER UNDER ANY CIRCUMSTANCES (it’s okay to dream and fantasize about going to Red Lobster and getting the giant fried plate of seafood and taking as long as possible to eat the entire platter so that the server brings as many of the cheese biscuits as possible…) BUT! Nothing fried!

6) an air fryer is apparently a body builders best friend (who knew? I certainly didn’t…)

7) and this is really more of a personal observation, but body building probably comes with a lot of grumpiness from not eating yummy nom nom nom food, insecurities about looks and social acceptance, and like…personal history. If you ever meet a body builder, just compliment him (or her) on how much effort they put into looking so good.

8) this particular body builder that I know was coaching a younger guy, who was recently in a competition and took second place in two categories (so obviously great for both of them, and honestly YAY because second place is still awesome regardless of what or who or where or why) but then, in order to be a supportive coworker, you have to look at pictures of a young, very fit man, in nothing but a Speedo while he holds a trophy. Which is fine. Not even remotely close to professional in anyway whatsoever, but fine.

[tuliharja]

BLEACH: Thousand-Year Blood War - The Conflict episode 1 review

After almost a year Bleach: Thousand-Year Blood war anime is back on the air! I would be lying if I wrote I hadn't been expecting it to come last month (September) because the second cour started to appear back then. But it's a good thing the cour 3 finally started!

Despite that, I think the first episode was a bit mid. The sole reason is the fact almost half of the episode was a recap of last cour's two last fights. Don't get me wrong, I still think Senjumaru's fight against the Quincies was epic, and seeing her Bankai was wonderful. Ichibe going against Yhwach was also something to be mesmerized about, but because those fights were so epic...at least I could remember those as clearly as if I had just yesterday finished watching cour 2's last episodes. Even so, while I found it a bit puzzling why there was such a recap, I could somehow understand it. It'll give the animators (hopefully) a budget for other epic scenes yet to come and once the anime finally truly picked itself, it felt just a natural continuation. Even so...it made me question 'what if they had cut out that recap and used that time for something else?'

But moving on. The third cour only kicked on after that recap and just like every manga reader would know, it was this time the quincies turn to win. The manga never showed us how, so seeing how Yhwach and Uryuu brought down both Ichibe and Senjumaru was interesting.

I really liked Uryuu's comeback against Senjumaru. I believe we haven't really seen Uryuu going so strongly against anyone except at the very beginning of the Bleach Mayuri. Which Senjumaru made the comparison. It almost made me laugh when she made that comment. It was like her breaking indirectly the fourth wall!

Yhwach vs. Ichibe was epic. The fact Ichibe broke down to that poem-ish singing middle of the fight to bring a new side of his Bankai (as youngsters these days would call it [talk about Ichibe and Senjumaru slaying things with their witty choice of words]) was epic. The animation was also epic. It felt very unique and refreshing, despite the fact there was some 3D here and there, but the makers still made it work. Too bad, Yhwach had seen that all and claimed his victory just like Uryuu who ended up playing Senjumaru like back with Mayuri, but hopefully this time without as big a cost as with Mayuri. Truly. Uryuu vs. Senjumaru felt like a parallel to Uryuu vs. Mayuri. But with that twist, this time Uryuu was the bad guy -at least from a certain perspective.

I also felt a strong parallel when Ichibe asked Ichigo to stop Yhwach. I don't know, but that parallel felt like a parallel to Kisuke? I can't now remember (it has been quite a long time) if Kisuke ever asked Ichigo to protect Soul Society or sort of, but the way Ichibe talked, his behavior, and the fact 'you don't have to kill the Quincy King (Yhwach) to protect Soul King, just stop him' just gave me massive Kisuke vibes asking things from Ichigo. I know many other shinigami have asked Ichigo to protect Soul Society when they haven't or sort of, but this...just like déja vu. I feel like this episode as a whole had lots of parallels. It was...interesting from that perspective.

Yhwach thrusting his blade to Soul King felt very ominous at the end. That and paired with the next episode's title, we can expect something epic next time!

Plus, the hint of Kyoraku going to see Aizen? I can't wait to see Aizen joining the fryer, since it won't just be your usual social visit Kyoraku will do.

Lastly, the opening of this cour is just epic. I really love the aesthetic of a monochrome setting with hints of color. It capture's viewer's sight of certain things while making the viewer somewhat 'blind' to other things that might occur. The ending made me giggle as the music sounds so upbeat and happy-happy, even though the words aren't that happy-go-lucky nor are the animations. But the beat being like that after things end with an ominous note? Yeah, talk about the contrast between things. In fact, the ending felt like playing with contrasts as Uryuu was on the side of the 'darkness' while Ichigo was on the side of 'light', yet in the end...they felt like just two opposites of the same coin, meeting somewhere in-between. The midnight sun was something that caught my attention when I watched the ending and read the lyrics of the song. It was obviously a figure of speech, but somehow...it felt a significant one. Also, once again, the fact the ending song's name was 'MONOCHROME' while the opening was almost fully monochrome felt like a huge parallel between the two things. In fact, the whole episode felt like it had lots of parallels...

[scruffyssketchbook]

Recently I've been looking back at two of my SSEC AUs (Café and Polar Opposites,) and I think they're due for a rewrite (ESPECIALLY Polar Opposites, because I HATED that I turned Blizz into a jerk that basically broke Daisy's heart.)

Here's Café AU:

Chefs: Vay, Bolt, and Blizz

Bartender: Dusk

Waiter/waitresses: Blizz, Eve, Izzy, Wiz, Bow, Miku

Hostess: Dawn

Manager: Dean

Dishwasher/slacker: Flame

Owners: Harmony, Rick, Rick

-Blizz isn't allowed to use the air fryer. Not after what happened last time.

-Vay and Blizz (and Eve) get along much better than they do in canon SSEC, and Vay is friendlier and less grumpy (he still looks like Canon Vay though, mainly cause trying to imagine a normal-looking Vay feels wrong.)

-Bolt used to be a waiter, but after a bad experience with an awful customer, he is now a chef. And a janitor. And he washes the dishes because Flame doesn't do 'em. Bolt is SUCH a workaholic that he onced stayed overnight at the Café to clean it (he didn't even go home!)

-Daisy serves coffee and lattes and makes coffee art! She gets a little sad when some of the customers just ruin it by stirring though

-Dawn is a hostess, so she handles stuff like showing customers their seats and reservations! (She was gonna be a waitress at first, but I wanted Dawn to have a better role. I figured a hostess was close enough.)

-Flame does like 1 plate and maybe a spoon, then leaves the rest of the dishes to Bolt. Flame also has tenure, but like "the air fryer incident" with Blizz, this will never get explained for purely comedic reasons (like the Noodle Incident from Calvin and Hobbes.)

-I added some more staff! Izzy and Bow were actually in the original AU, but I forgot to mention them. Izzy, Bow, and Wiz are only part time waiters/waitresses and are entry level, while Blizz is both a chef and a server (Miku is also a waitress! =3)

-Harmony is technically also a bartender, but she doesn't do any of the showoff stuff like Dusk (who loves doing that, by the way.) She does, however, keep a shotgun under the bar table, just in case someone tries to stick up the place (it's happened before, unfortunately.)

-Dusk loves doing bartending tricks! Though it doesn't seem to impress one of their regulars named Bart. Wonder why.

-Dean makes sandwiches! (Is this a café or a deli lmao-)

I'll take about SSEC Polar Opposite's rewrite later, it'd make this post too long.

ooo, cool!!! Interesting how Bow is in this, how is her relationship with Eve? And who's Bart? (Does Wiz draw on the job lol) What does Rick do?

(Also I'd love to here about the Polar Opposite's rewrite)

[r0s3s26]

Hello I’d like to request it for Haikyuu pls. <3 You name/nickname for request or blurb

safsaf

<3 Your pronouns

She/her

<3 A romantic or platonic match up

Romantic please <3

<3 Any gender preference

Male

<3 Your ideal first date/hangout

Stay with me: going to a mariage counselor and pretending to be married to see if we have good chemistry and see how good they are at coming up with a lie. That or clay sculpting.

<3 5+ bullet points or sentences talking about your personality (positive and negative)

I’m an extrovert but my social battery runs out quick, I looove things that make my life easier (air fryer), I wear my heart on my sleeve so I’m a lover girl, I’m terrible at dealing with my emotions but great at reading other people’s, I adore my friends(a lil more than my family).

<3 Likes

the smell of old books, daydreaming, psycho analyzing people, the horoscope although I don’t believe it

<3 Dislikes

Not speaking up on social injustices, rude to restaurants workers, someone who’s not confident and keeps on deminishing themselves as a way of manipulating me much more

<3 The traits you look for in a partner or friend

Emotionally intelligent but still funny. Laid back cause I’m not and someone who can listen to me YAP

<3 Your hobbies and interests(sports, clubs, etc)

Interest in anything related to humanities. Cooking. Content making.

thank u so so much.

Your Matchup is…Sugawara Koushi!!

<3 Everyone forgets that Suga is a menace

<3 Like on the same level as Noya and Tanaka but more secretive and or chill about it

<3 So he would absolutely to the marriage counselor thing and be so into it

<3 But he is also a very chill person so if you want to chill activities he can do that

<3 Just very much a go with the the flow kinda guy

<3 Lover boy right here

<3 The team would be sick of how lovey dovey you both are *que Daichi and Asahi gagging noises*

<3 Because Suga is a setter, his entire job is to read other people and how they will react to certain plays. So he definitely uses that with you when dealing with you emotions and working through them with you

<3 Because you are also good at reading emotions I think you both would psychoanalyze people just for the fun of it

<3 Because you care so much about your friends, and the team becomes your friends, you also become the team mom (i’m putting you also as a 3rd year)

<3 Longest yap sessions ever

<3 You would look through your call log and see one that was 7 hours long just cause you both couldn’t get off the phone

<3 Please make him food, if you do he will be yours for life

Drabble:

You and Suga are sitting in your kitchen with a bunch of clay around you, wondering how you got into this mess, but that's a story for another day. But you are here now and you said you were gonna do it. “Hey honey, do you even know how to make clay sculptures?” Suga said in a tone that was mixed with nervousness and amusement “Of course I don’t, but we will learn today!” you replied excitedly. Now you are sitting across from each other sculpting the other's face, well attempting to. When you are both done with said sculptures you both turn them around and show them to each other, and it went a little something like this; “Ok 3, 2, 1” you both said as you flipped your busts. You both immediately start laughing y’alls asses off at the way the sculptures look “Suga that is not what I look like” you say with a laugh “My nose does NOT look like that”, “Um I would like to call it artistic liberty my sweets” he says very matter a-factly “And I don’t look like that ether my eyes are not that big” “Erm you literally have baby doll eyes, no not even, puppy eyes, so this is actually super accurate mister” you say in a fake nerd voice. You both stare at each other and laugh again at each other's interesting interpretations of the other, not thinking about the worries or cares of the outside world, only thinking of you both and the moments that you two share.

[wadbot]

NERF.wad: Not Even Remotely Fair MAP05: Do It Again (-2976, 336, 64) Author: Peter "MegaSphere" Lawrence Date: 2024-01-15 Description: 32 Maps for DOOM II (Limit Removing, complevel 2) Nightmare Difficulty Only All Original Soundtrack Download the soundtrack here: https://megasphere.bandcamp.com/album/not-even-remotely-fair-original-soundtrack DEHACKED changes: Tyrants (Spider Mastermind replacement) Green Cyberdemons with only 1000hp and can infight with Cyberdemons. They have the Commander Keen death state so killing them can open doors tagged 666. Silvergunners (Wolf SS replacement) Identical to regular Chaingunners in every way, except they drop Clips instead of Chainguns. Spider Mastermind (Keen replacement) It's a Spider Mastermind but is now affected by splash damage due to limitations. Big Brain (Modified Romero Head) Exits the level immediately when killed, used for death exits. Big Brain Original (Techpillar replacement) A restoration of the original Romero Head behaviour. Barrel Instant (Dead Lost Soul replacement) An explosive barrel with 1hp and explodes immediately. Map Authors: Episode 1 Maps MAP01: "Four Rockets" Peter Lawrence (MegaSphere) MAP02: "Untamed Grotto" Benchy MAP03: "Fireblu Baptism" BooTheJudge MAP04: "In the Pits" MegaSphere MAP05: "Do It Again" Dwars and Benchy MAP06: "Rats in the Walls" Christophine Place MAP07: "Across the Highlands" Xulgonoth MAP08: "Running in the 90's" Anarki, Xulgonoth, and Christophine Place MAP09: "The Bloody Awful" BooTheJudge MAP10: "Let Me In" borogk MAP11: "Crudge" decino Episode 2 Maps MAP12: "Air Fryer" Benchy MAP13: "Uptown" GamingGargoyle MAP14: "Castling In Check" Ludi MAP15: "Break From Blood" Christophine Place MAP16: "Skull Geometry" Benchy MAP17: "Obsidian Tower" MegaSphere MAP18: "Toxic Irony" SeeJay MAP19: "Trirannical Terror" SeeJay MAP20: "Metal Migrane" Benchy Episode 3 Maps MAP21: "Stardust" Benchy MAP22: "Valley Fever" GamingGargoyle MAP23: "Blue Monday" Benchy MAP24: "Fireblu Dreams" Matthew DeCalzadilla (Moustachio) MAP25: "Bloodstream" Ravendesk MAP26: "Mountain Complex" RedBoule MAP27: "Out of this World" MegaSphere MAP28: "Styx" Benchy MAP29: "Cold Beige Techbase" decino MAP30: "The Final Stage" MegaSphere Secret Levels MAP31: "The Chasm But Real" decino MAP32: "Circumscription" Benchy, decino, MegaSphere, and SeeJay MAP33: "Error 405" Xulgonoth Soundtrack Authors: Episode 1 OST MAP01: "Four Rockets" MegaSphere MAP02: "Untamed Grotto" MegaSphere MAP03: "Fireblu Baptism" MegaSphere MAP04: "In the Pits" MegaSphere MAP05: "Do It Again" MegaSphere and Dwars MAP06: "Rats in the Walls" MegaSphere MAP07: "Across the Highlands" MegaSphere and decino MAP08: "Dozy Dust" decino MAP09: "The Bloody Awful" MegaSphere MAP10: "Let Me In" MegaSphere MAP11: "Crudge" MegaSphere Episode 2 OST MAP12: "Air Fryer" SynDoom & MegaSphere MAP13: "Uptown" MegaSphere MAP14: "Castling in Check" MegaSphere MAP15: "On The Shoulders of Giants" MegaSphere & Xulgonoth MAP16: "Skull Geometry" SynDoom MAP17: "Obsidian Tower" MegaSphere MAP18: "Toxic Irony" MegaSphere MAP19: "Trirannical Terror" MegaSphere MAP20: "Metal Migraine" MegaSphere and James Paddock Episode 3 OST MAP21: "Stardust" MegaSphere & Dwars MAP22: "Do It For The Vine" Korp MAP23: "Blue Monday" MegaSphere MAP24: "Hishousouzan" Cammy MAP25: "He Tricks Me Like a Gentleman" Cammy & Ravendesk MAP26: "Mountain Complex" MegaSphere MAP27: "Out of this World" MegaSphere MAP28: "Styx" MegaSphere MAP29[pt1]: "Cow Bell Track" decino MAP29[pt2]: "Cries Beyond Terror" MegaSphere MAP30[pt1]: "NERF Intro Extended" MegaSphere MAP30[pt2]: "NERF Credits" MegaSphere (uses sample from Abdul Cisse & Epic Games) MAP30[pt3]: "D_CBT" FSII (Edited by MegaSphere) Secret Levels OST MAP31: "In the Dank" decino MAP32: "Light at the End of the Tunnel" MegaSphere MAP33: "HEY EVERYBODY" MegaSphere Miscellaneous OST Title screen: "NERF OST - Title" MegaSphere Intermission screen: "NERF OST - Intermission" MegaSphere Text screen: "NERF OST - Text Screen" MegaSphere Disclaimers: Learning a map layout when on Nightmare is quite intense so we recommend playing on easier skill levels first which remove all non-essential monsters. 'Save Scum', and 'Load Lame' are NOT to discourage use of saves, they are intended only as funny gags. The intermission screen texts are to serve as comic relief in between episodes. Despite the many references we do not encourage real life CBT.

[marabarl-and-marlbara]

hi hi mara, i remember you writing in a post that you look forward to meal times. what are your favorite foods at these times?

good morning anonymous; i try to eat exactly four meals that are always the same "thing," because i:m particular about texture/temperature and routine;

breakfast is always a cold almond yogurt (+ some protein powder) & some kind of low-carb sugar-free crunchy cereal (as a general guideline for most-of my food/diet, my mom drilled in-to me from a young age neurosis about carbs/sugar from her diabetes/liver-failure so i ended up inheriting much of this diet-neurosis); i try to portion out all of the ratios to be ~4; ie: 3 spoonfuls of yogurt, 1 part of cereal; if there is anything mixed in-to the yogurt, i try to use three things combined with the yogurts 1 so it comes out to four (today i made peppermint yogurt + a dark chocolate cereal that was bogo @ publix last week);

lunch is always a wrap, that i burn on the stove, and then burn the assembled wrap in an air-fryer so it is 1) scalding, 2) completely dry and crunchy; the filling is usually ~4 pieces of some protein (ex: 2 pieces of cauliflower chicken stuff that is then further divided so it comes out to some number-of-4; 4 cubes of tofu that are further divided down into 16 equal pieces; a fourth of an avocado that is quartered down into four slices), + some vegetable filler (usually spinach or broccoli or kale; sometimes onions i pickle or roma tomatoes i cube), + some jalapeno (with two cross-section cuts and then chopped into ~16 slices so it quarters), + some type of sauce i usually make (my favorite is this birria-consomme-esque sauce i make every few months out of tons of dried chilis, which basically prevents it from spoiling); when it:s been cold, i:ve been making this awful vegan gravy out of buckwheat flour + fake chicken bouillion stock (in place of drippings); sometimes i use egg because i had an incident last month that made me realize my diet was killing me <- though this might:ve just been more neurosis;

dinner is either half a protein bar or a stir-fry (bean sprouts, broccoli, red peppers, tofu);

then dessert i have half of a protein bar that i burn in airfryer;

i don:t really like eating anything that doesn:t match these texture/temperature profiles; ie: baked oats are always disappointing because they:re not cold/crunchy; cold wraps (which sometimes i think i want because i like cold-sauces (like mayo or w/e) and the way i cook things basically turns them into soup) are always massive disappointments; beautifully made and composed foods from restaurants are always disappointing because they:re not as scalding as i like, or spicy as i like; etcetera;

take care, anonymous

[metalheadsforblacklivesmatter]

Disability pride month post

My real struggle meals for people with low spoons.

1. Crockpot. 2 chicken breasts (can be frozen) . A can of diced tomatoes. Basalmic vinegar (it's like 1/4-1/2 cup of basalmic. There's wiggle room. You can guesstimate). Cook on low 8 hours. (If you can prep ahead of time. Some frozen diced peppers or onions are good for health. If not. This is super low spoons and healthy).

2. More chicken breasts. Olive oil. Pre-mixed seasoning of your choice. Air fryer on 375 for 16 minutes. Best if flipped half way through.

3. Asparagus. Buy it frozen so you don't have to snap it. Olive oil. Seasoning of your choice. Oven at 450 for 15 minutes. (In an even layer on the baking sheet)

4. Frozen green beans. Seasoning of your choice. In a pan on medium high for 6-8 minutes.

And it's only 4 recipes. But hey. That's 2 green veggies and 2 proteins. These are what I make if I don't got the energy to do all that with cooking. (I like chicken because it's easier to cook).

(Low key sometimes I just do a frozen dinner I can shove in the microwave for 3 minutes. But like. If you want to try cooking. These are my go to.)

-fae

[figonlylistenstothemountaingoats]

I am here to spread the gospel of

Potato meal

This is a very autistic breakfast of my own invention and it has solved a many problem when it comes to morning meals

My biggest struggles with breakfast are

1. I can't stomach most things early in the morning

2. I hate most classic breakfast foods

3. My low-effort options don't keep me full

4. Stuff I do like, like cinnamon rolls and doughnuts, are all sugar which makes me feel gross

5. I don't have time to make much of anything substantial

If you have any of these same problems, perhaps

potato meal

is worth trying! It is also very customizable so you can switch it up to avoid getting tired of it

Ressippy:

you will need:

air fryer (recommended), microwave, or stovetop and pan

Hash brown patties (they're in the freezer section at most Walmarts, by the tater tots. These packs of like 8 cost around 3.00 in my area)

A soft shredded Cheese like Colby jack

Some kind of sauce/salsa, this is up to you! (I use Taco Bell sauce because I have tons of extra packets but I imagine any taco sauce would be good.)

Any extra seasonings you prefer! (I use Tony's )

Preparation:

Okay now cook those hash browns, preferably in a way that gets them so so crispy! I usually do 2 for more of a snack and 3 for a bigger meal

Now put those in a bowl! And get a fork and break it up into bite sized mushy stuff, but leave enough unbroken that the crispy outside is still adding some crunch

(why didn't we just use shredded hash browns if we are making essentially a shredded hash brown bowl? Because it's way easier to get the patties crispy, and they're more low maintenance to cook!)

Add your cheese, seasoning, and sauce! (I also add the tiniest bit of mayo when I have it, because it adds a little tang and creaminess that balances the potatoes well)

And you're done! It's super fast and easy to eat and full of flavor and I read somewhere that potatoes and dairy provides every necessary vitamin or something. Obviously this isnt the healthiest meal you're ever gonna have but it is gonna be more balanced than a lot of other quick breakfast go-tos!

This has become a safe food for me and it has been really helpful in getting me to eat anything in the morning, so I hope if you have the same kind of struggles this might help!

[ultimateaclrecovery]

Checking in on my 2023 goals!

23 things for 2023

1. buy 1 horse

Done!! Bought Luna!!!

2. Knit a pair of socks

I knit a sock, that I finished today. But I mostly decided I wanted to knit other things instead so this is fine

3. Three camping trips

went to mt of the holy cross, and New Mexico for two camping nights, plus a day hike in winter park. So technically no but pretty close!

4. Plant four pumpkins

…..no. I bought seeds and did nothing and I don’t feel that bad about it

5. Handstand (five fingers) press

Lol no. Did nothing for it. Never made a plan and so did not achieve

6. Kill side yard weeds (because weeds are the devil 666)

Success? I paid a Gardner to pull them all so yes! Feels like a failure because I didn’t really deal with them or the yard in general, but they are all gone now.

7. Go to Loyola social justice meeting (7th heaven)

I went to a meeting! And baked cookies for an event. (And then never went back oops)

8. Mail 8 letters to mates - birthday cards probably

Success! (Rebecca birthday, Sarah birthday, Clare get well card, Callie birthday, Alison birthday, clare birthday, Callie wedding, clare kt recipe card)

9. Research 9 hours of getting a cat (9 lives)

Decided a horse was enough so stopped researching 🤷‍♀️[ read complete guide to adopting a cat 3 hours]

10. Do ten full pull ups

Total yes, in a row like intended absolutely not. I can do like 2.5 in a row. Made haphazard progress, but now I have a pull up bar so hoping for better next year!

11. Buy 11 things off of my to buy eventually list

Success! This was easy and I did it! (air fryer, air mattress, nice soap dispensers, office mat, thermometer, fire extinguisher, white tank top, little plates, shower cleaner, plastic drain pipes, sheet pan organizer, bonus: back door light bulb, rainbow flag and holder, more bras)

12. Go on 12 dates

Success! I thought this would be really hard but then I just got my boyfriend by like February and it ended up being the easiest ny resolution ever. He even asked me out to start.

13. Run a half marathon 13.1 miles

Success! (Okay this was a gimme because I signed up for it and had a training plan in 2022 but still)

14. Hike a fourteener

Success! mt of the holy cross and it was terrifying and very long but we did it!

15. Read 30 (15x2) books

I read 27 and have three in various states of completion. I kind of wanted to power this one thru but it wouldn’t have been fun and then what’s the point. This one is hard because I abandoned so so many books this year. Like I made it at least one chapter into like 40 and a couple half way thru. So close but no cigar but I refuse to read things that aren’t fun just to hit a goal so I feel fine about it.

16. Host 8 things

Hosted 3, organized a couple others so partial credit. I would like to do better in the future. ( galentines, whimsy brunch, birthday, organized brunch at watercourse, organized lake day)

17. Go out dancing (must be more dancing than drinking, dance class counts.)(dancing queen only 17)

Nope. But also that’s fine.

18. Upgrade phone and deal with all photos. Upload belize to fb and save others. Data management

Mostly. I got an external storage for Christmas so I can finish when I get home. So solid partial credit. (uploaded some. Upgraded phone plus new battery, still need to get data off of it) emmapictures2222_2@gmail.com emmapictures2222@gmail.com

19. General contractor for house cracks plus install air conditioner

Success. Installed ac. Got the cracks looked at once and they were fine and then they got worse and now I’m getting foundation work done. So success I guess.

20. Get 20 layout ds

… I did not count. I def got some but probably not 20 so partial credit. (4 from leiout)

21. Go to frisbee Masters regionals

Success! Another bit of gimme but we went and qualified to nationals!)

22. Buy purple navel jewelry (I’m feeling 22)

Success! (And I love it)

23. volunteer for 23 hours

No and I feel bad about it. I need to find something to volunteer with. I feel like I should have the time/be able to make time but it also feels like I never have time and also never want to. But I think it’s important.

So overall full success on 11 of the goals, happy partial on 5, annoyed partial on 2, abandoned 4 and failed my last one and feel bad about it.

But overall pretty good success!