#have a playlist for it and everything too

[madamechrissy]

Baby You're No Good

Pairings - Cult leader/clan Leader Geto x F! reader

Summary - You have been promised to marry the psychotic, human hating leader of the Geto Clan, Suguru. Your heart sinks at the wedding when you realize you're likely to be ended once you've fulfilled your duty, giving him an heir. He detests you on sight, as do you, but something happens the first time you lay together, Suguru swears you're some witch, because he can't get enough of you. He becomes consumed with fucking you, with the excuse of 'having an heir' but you begin to wonder just where the lines are blurring. Would you survive this- and will Suguru survive being with you?

CW- Arranged marriage trope, ENEMIES TO LOVERS, psychotic Geto lol- lots of hate sex, Suguru calling you a stupid monkey, angsty, FULL of smut. Reader is a virgin bc she's sheltered due to been promised to him. Reader is FEISTY asf and mean right back. Explicit sex and Geto being whipped/insane/obsessed and psycho. This part- Heavy angst, SO MUCH angst actually, mentions of pregnancy, potential health issues, emotional sex/lovemaking- oral (m and f recieiving) violence, and more angst. WC this part- 6.6k

The next two parts will be the alternate endings <3 Plz share/comment/ like if you enjoy( is that the right word though)

<<<Part Three - Playlist - Masterlist - Part five/six (soon)

Part four

One more day.

One more day before Suguru leaves.

You’ve avoided him the entirety of the week, so terrified of him - not to mention he’s got you locked up for most of it, a barrier around the manor so you couldn’t escape even if you wanted to. When he allows you around with the girls, you start to feel this overwhelming sadness, not just for everyone to be killed, hurt, destroyed… but he also has two girls that look up to him like he’s hung the moon in the sky.

All they do is gush about him constantly, Suguru this and Suguru that, their eyes all lit up as they do, does he even think of the possibility he won’t return? The plan is for the girls, you, and a select few people for your protection stay, while he leaves tomorrow to potentially never come back again, or just as bad, accomplish his fucking goals. Then how could you look at him again?

You know what he’s already done - but this is to the point there is no return. Suguru has refused to even speak to you hardly, until he summons a doctor today, and now instead of perhaps going to a doctor’s office, you’re in a small little room, the little heart rate machine intimidating. Suguru stands off against the wall, granting you space, while the doctor frowns in concern while doing your vitals.

“Your blood pressure is too high, and your heart rate is through the roof. Are you under any stress?” You damn near laugh, looking at Suguru then, who can’t even stand to meet your gaze.

“You could say that.” You answer quietly.

“At these vitals, you can’t healthily have a baby.” Your heart pounds even faster, when Suguru’s hand comes to your shoulder, finally tilting your chin up to look at him.

“Try to calm your breathing.” He murmurs, you can’t though, how can you.

“Take a deep breath.” The doctor orders, you shut your eyes and try to do just that, trying to regulate some, as the cuff squeezes again, and you hear the doctor sigh. “Still far, far too high… alright, let’s see if there is a heartbeat.”

You lay down nervously on your back, when the doctor lifts up the shirt that you’re wearing, brushing cold metal against your skin.

“How long do you think?”

“Maybe five weeks.” He nods now, dipping the wand lower, and then you hear it, loud and clear, a little heartbeat. “Oh my…”

“There it is, it’s a little quick hmm.” He’s measuring the beats now, as Suguru feels everything around him shift.

Your eyes fill with tears, hand fluttering to your tummy, taking several breaths to calm yourself as you look at him for a moment. You’re terrified, he can see it in your gaze, not what he wants you to feel, to be, he has images of him and you together, holding your baby in your arms, but what if he couldn’t? What if he…

He bites back his emotions, clearing his throat now. “You’re pregnant.”

“Yes.” Your tone is flat, while your mind runs a million miles a minute, your own images vastly different from Suguru’s.

All you can see or feel is destruction looming.

When the two of you quietly walk back through the halls, you pause at the door to your room, eyes looking up at your husband. “Locking me in all night, right?”

“As if you want to see me. You haven’t even spoken to me until today.” You bite a trembling lip, looking down now. “You’re having my baby.”

“Will they even know you?” Suguru cups your face now, lips in a tense line, aching to touch you, fuck to hold you, but he knows you’re disgusted by him right now.

“You really think I’m weak, should I show you how powerful I am?” You scoff, shaking your head at him.

“It’s just like you, to flaunt your power, isn’t it?” He raises a dark brow at you, when you smack his hand off. “You won’t choose me or the baby, so don’t expect me to make this easier for you.”

“You will see, it’s better for everyone. Everything.” He’s cupping your face with both hands now, stepping you into your room, what’s been your prison for the week, until he’s leaning down, lips a breath away. “You don’t see my vision.”

“I see insanity.” You shove him off, his heavy breath breaking you, pulling you back against him, making you weak. “I see someone who’s so far into his own bullshit, that he doesn’t see what anything is.”

“Fuck you, you’re still such a mean little bitch.” He angrily kisses you, earning your teeth biting his lower lip, tearing the skin as you do.

“Fuck you, psycho.” He laughs darkly, blood dripping across his lower lip, swiping at it with his thumb.

“Your heart rate is probably high, huh?”

“It always is. It comes with having a batshit crazy husband who wants to fucking kill everyone. Our parents even!? The baby’s family!”

“Shh, stop.” He’s got you by the shoulders, but you’re too far gone.

“How can I be happy, how can I be a mom like this? When all I can do is see the death that you bring.”

“You won’t trust me. I’ll keep you safe.” He’s kissing you again, for a moment you let go, lips you miss, a body you crave, his energy filling you and making you drink every bit of him up, blood smearing and tasting like copper on your tongues. “Fuck…”

“No, we won’t.” You gasp and pull back.

How can you love a fucking monster.

“You’ll dine with me tonight, wife, do you understand?” You roll your eyes at him, looking away now. “Answer me, brat.”

“Fine. I’ll be there, Lord Geto.” He sighs, for once the two of you had something… close to not hate, but here you were, again.

“Wear the yukata I send up.” You roll your eyes.

“What choice do I have?”

Suguru has never really given you one.

******

You sit across the insanely long banquet table that night later on, donned in the elegant robes he’s bought you, hair done up with butterfly pins, a stain of red on your lips. You drive him to insanity with your beauty, the earrings dangling and reflecting lights that spread across your skin, while the soft chandelier lighting just illuminates your beautiful body.

You are quiet as can be, sipping on your water, while Suguru has red wine in his golden goblet. “So, husband, what did you need me here for?’

Your audacious ask makes Suguru tense, gripping the step of his goblet so tightly he could crush it. “Ever think I… enjoy your presence?”

“Hah … no.” You earn his scowl - good - better his scowl than you to feel more for him, for a ticking time bomb of a man you should hate.

Your heart races in your chest as he stands then, striding with those long legs across the room, yanking you up then by your wrist. “Stop pretending.”

“You stop pretending, as if you could care.” Suguru glares deeper now, hands dancing across your body, watching your nipples press against your robes, his thumb brushes one, earning your traitorous whimper.

“Your body reveals all your lies.” You smack at him, expecting a smack right back, but instead he just lifts you up on the banquet table, standing between your thighs, slipping up the robe bit by bit to reveal the lacy stockings you’re wearing. “God, look at you.”

“Pathetic, right? A mo-”

“So fucking perfect.”

“No!” You’re shaking when he kisses you, inhaling and exhaling faster and faster as the desperation tears you both apart. “No. Stop making me… feel this.”

“Feel what, hatred?” He nips your lower lip with his teeth, you wish you did, fuck you wish you did.

“Yes.”

“Liar.”

“Fuck you.” He’s picking you up, as a groom would a bride, it’s too intimate, it’s just too much, truly, you wriggle but he keeps you close against him, fingers pressing into your flesh, burning you.

Suguru burns you.

“Where are we going, tossing me in my room?”

“You’re spending this night in my chambers.” You gasp, and in moments you’re being carried past the curious eyes of many, staring at the sorcerer who hates humans so much, delicately holding you this way.

“I refuse. What’s the purpose, who knows if I can keep an heir with this as my life, anyway.” Your words stab him as much as they stab your own heart, when he settles you down, locking his door with a resounding click, the incense burning still on his black side table filling your lungs, as you back away, he’s just walking forward.

“Do not say that.” His broken voice makes you choke up, his perfect features for once soft, vulnerable, his hand touching your tummy. “I heard the heartbeat.”

“Racing.” He looks at your achingly beautiful face, destroying him bit by bit.

He lets out a shaky breath, cupping your face gently, something Suguru Geto just did not do. He was looking down at you, his eyes dark with pupils dilated, glimmering with something you would almost think were tears, but there was no way, was there? No way that Suguru Geto could truly feel, not this cult leader who has lost his mind, who you’re clinging to just glimpses of currently.

His breath ghosts across your sore, bitten lips, thumb swiping away a tear that falls without you truly knowing, brushing the salty tear across the apple of your cheek, his other hand drifting down your back. It’s too intimate, it’s too sweet of a way to touch you, causing you to break apart piece by piece, hands that had clutched to fists on his robes releasing their grip, your head tilting down.

“Don’t do this, Suguru.” Your words strike him like a stab to the chest, your teary eyes looking back up at him, hair falling softly to the side, brushing against his arm softly, while he pulls you closer.

“There’s a good chance Satoru will kill me.” His words are flat, matter of fact, as if you’re having a conversation about tea, not murder. Your heart thuds in your chest as he speaks. “I may not come back.”

“You’re choosing this, instead of me. Instead of us.” Your hand goes to your tummy this time, vivid images of it growing in his mind, of seeing your glow, seeing a smile, and not the pain that he brings instead.

If he wasn’t so selfish, he’d let you escape.

“I’ll make sure you and the baby are taken care of, if I don’t return. I have things set in place-”

“No, no! You think they won’t kill me without the connection of being your wife?” You’re pulling away, but Suguru is dragging you back against his chest, sighing, brows drawing together while the girl he loves looks so hopeless.

“I’ll make sure you’re safe.”

“Just choose me. Choose us. Stop this madness, it’s not who you are-”

“You do not know me.” His dark tone takes over, earning you shoving at his chest, turning away, only for him to drag you back against him, pressing your back against his hard frame, an arm coming around to wrap you tighter.

“You won’t let me, you won’t let anyone. I miss my family, I miss my friends, yet you keep me trapped here, and now you won’t even choose me?”

“I would choose you, over anyone. You’re… beautiful-”

“No. Do not.” You’re wriggling in his hold, as his big palm presses against your tummy now, and you’re sniffling tears of fury, chest heaving when he turns your face towards him, hand gripping your face even tighter.

“You are. Allow me this night with you, even if it’s just me drinking all of you up.” Your sobs make you shaky, when he grips you right between your thighs, pressing up against your heat, eliciting a whine he shouldn’t deserve.

“Allow what, you to fuck me before you go on a murder rampage!?”

“No. Allow me to do what I should have with you.” He turns you now, picking you up like it’s nothing despite your struggling, gently lowering you on the bed, watching you avidly as his fingers trail down the silk brocade of your robes. “Allow me to worship you for tonight.”

“Worship a human? Before you end us all?” Your hesitation waivers with every moment that Suguru lays on you, every gentle brush of his rough fingertips on your skin, while violet eyes grow deeper, more vulnerable. For a moment you see it, you see him, the dream that you believe in so foolishly.

“I will never end you. You are my only exception.” His whisper breaks you into pieces, his hand unknotting the ties of your obi, letting that purple silk fall against the bed with a whisper, baring a breast as he presses the material apart.

“Exception?” Your little breathy voice ignites too much in him, his lips hovering over yours, while his thumb brushes a sensitive peak, heat pooling in your tummy so unwillingly, fingers itching to entangle in his silken raven locks.

“You’re the exception.” He repeats, hand gripping a breast now, squishing in his huge hands, eliciting the cry from your pretty lips, as he instead wishes to say more.

That he’s fallen.

But how can he ever truly love someone?

If he did- he’d let you go, not take such liberties he knows he does not truly deserve from you. “It’s your choice, if you want to share this last night with me.”

“Oh I get a choice in something now?” Your words hurt, but they’re true, as your own hand slips to your robe, parting it fully and revealing your gorgeous body to his fiery gaze, making Suguru falter. “One last time then.”

“One last time.” Suguru growls softly, then his lips slam on yours, sucking up all of your oxygen, taking over everything you are and everything you have been, in that moment, you decide to just forget, to lose yourself in him. “Let me show you everything I should have.”

“Suguru…” He’s shushing you, kissing down your throat too sweetly, lapping at your collarbone with a light flick, as his hands explore more of your body, the robe strewn under you like a blanket, as he works his journey to your breasts. “Just… just fuck me okay…”

“No. Not tonight.” Your back arches when he sucks a breast into his hot mouth, tongue flicking your nipple, the peak tightening against his taste buds. Your hands do give in, entangling in his locks, as you feel your resolve weakening. “Beautiful. Perfect.”

“Don’t… you’ll just hurt me more.” Your emotions catch in your throat, when he leans up, cupping your face.

“It’s the truth, I will speak about it tonight.” Your lips are taken over again, less gentle and more fiercely, while Suguru’s hand trails down your waist, your hip, his heavy weight pressing on you. “You feel perfect.”

“Shh.” Your lips try to hush him, your hands slipping down to grab his cock, stroking it, but he grips your hand, kissing down your body, between your breasts and lower, breath making your hips buck when he’s right over the hood of your clit.

“Should be worshipped.” His murmurs, sending shock waves through your body when he hungrily kisses your thighs, higher and higher, fingers pressing into the plush of them, gripping and squeezing, leaving marks you wish would just stay forever. “Wanted to kiss every inch of you.”

“No…” He chuckles without humor, teeth gently nipping your thigh now, looking up at you under dark, long lashes, cheeks flushed from the pressure rising.

“Yes. I always have.” You shake your head once more, while he’s kissing up your other thigh, so hungry, so ready, and you feel yourself let go, for once with him fully, if this is the last time you have this hungry, damaged, beautiful man, you’re going to have him.

He’s swiping his tongue up your slit, and instead of tensing, closing your thighs as you did, telling him to just stop, you do what you’ve longed to, pulling his face against your cunt and grinding your hips up. He moans, realizing you’re letting go, you’re pulling his hair so hard at the root, letting out wanton, loud moans you’d usually cover up.

Suguru loses himself drinking every bit of you up, eyeing your perfect body under his lashes as he fucks his tongue inside your snug walls, moaning against you as he watches you unleash. Ways he could never see you, always holding back, and he supposes he held back too, why wouldn’t you? But you’re screaming his name out when he glides two fingers in your soppy little hole, flicking his tongue on your clit now.

“That’s it, fuck my face Princess.” Princess, you could swear you dreamed Suguru said that once, you blink in confusion at him, pausing, while the squelching sound of your greedy cunt around his sure fingers fills his room.

“Princess?” He sighs, realizing it’s slipped out, but for once he does not hide it, behind some cruel jab at you. He may never touch you again, if he survives this or not, and he can’t spare a moment.

“Princess, please.” Suguru saying please!? You’re gulping down words you ache to say ‘Suguru I love you’ ‘pick me please’ ‘more, more, more’ and simply nod, doing just that, grinding your eager, soppy cunt all over your sorcerer’s perfect features.

Fuck.

You both think it in your heads, that you can’t get enough of his mouth, his tongue fucking into you as his nose bumps your little twitchy clit, the obscene sounds of him drinking the arousal that starts to pour all over. His fingers replace his tongue inside you, his tongue flicking your clit faster, when his hand presses firmly on your tummy. You’re screaming out while your hips roll, dragging him even closer.

“There, there, f-fuck!” Everything is shattering around you while he flicks you over and over again, working you and pushing you to the edge, watching you topple over with those eyes of his, devouring your body every bit as much as his tongue lapped at your glistening folds.

He pulls his fingers out after feeling your walls flutter around them sucking them and moaning. “I can’t get enough of you.”

“Don’t…” Suguru slips back up your body, heavy weight pressing down on you, while you untie his robe eagerly, kissing yourself off him. “Fuck it.”

“Fuck… what-” You cut him off, flipping the two of your positions, shocking him for a moment, while you untie that knot fully, revealing a chiseled body you’ve longed to worship and never let yourself. His lips part while he brushes your hair back, and you’re kissing down his chest, while he murmurs your name.

“If this is the last time, then I’ll do what I want.” Suguru’s strong muscles tense when you kiss lower, and his hands entangle in your locks, shaky breaths releasing as you’re lapping at the line of hair above his pretty cock, which you reveal with a gentle tug.

“You want to suck me, Princess?” He asks, in shock, the few times you have, he’d shoved his cock in your mouth, forcefully and brutally, and you’ve never kissed down his body, how could you- why would you?

You’re holding his thickness in your hand, earning a soft cry from his glossy lips, stroking the bead of precum into a little circle along his slit, earning his body tensing under you, cock throbbing in your hands. “I couldn’t let you know. Arrogant bastard that you are - your cock it’s… pretty.”

Suguru chuckles and your teeth hit his tip just a bit in anger, only causing him to thrust his tip further in your hot, wet mouth. “Fuck, there you go… take it all, it’s yours.”

You’re sucking him down, eagerly and full of every bit of energy you’ve kept under wraps for these past weeks, watching his eyes dilate further, damn near black, his blush across his perfect cheekbones. Suguru isn’t talking shit, there’s no hate sex, it’s whispers of ‘perfect’ ‘feels so good’ ‘there’ as he lets you move, hips still, watching you in awe.

“Taking me so good, fuck look at you.” He doesn’t encourage you, he mocks you, but for tonight he allows every liberty, he lets all those whimpers he tries to hide go. “Fucking so pretty like this.”

You whine as his words hit, your cunt dripping so badly you have to rub your slit while he pumps up into your mouth, until he drags you off his cock, your lips pulling off with a loud pop, and he kisses his taste right off you. He’s got you under him once more, cock hot and heavy and burning against your inner thigh, kissing you over and over.

“Never felt anything like you.” You almost tear up again at his husky declaration.

Why, Suguru, why?

Why can’t you just stop this.

Why can’t you choose me?

“That’s not-”

“God it’s true.” He’s got his huge hand on his cock, guiding it into your soaking wet entrance, your nails clinging to his skin as you scream out, back arching for more. “Never, ever felt anything like you. I never want to.”

“Suguru…” He’s sliding his cock in and out of your slick walls, a hand gripping yours, as he shoves in so deep, and all you can do is fall apart for him.

“I haven’t wanted anyone but you since that first night.” You shake your head, but he’s staring right into your eyes, glimmering with his own emotions. “My exception.”

“Shh.” You’re kissing him back with hunger, while his cock moves inside you, knowing every spot, tip grazing just the spot now, forcing you higher, until it feels like there’s nothing but Suguru anymore.

His hair falls soft against your skin while he bites your neck, and your nails leave marks on his skin that’s coated with a sheen of sweat, while he pumps harder, but achingly slow, letting you feel every inch. So many inches he stuffs you with, balls slapping your ass that’s got the juices from you flowing against it, slap slap slapping and echoing in this room, his moan vibrating your ear.

“Wanna fill you every moment, want so much cum inside you it never stops. You can’t get rid of it.”

“Ngh…”

“Everyone will know you belong to me.” You’re whining as he bites your neck harder, pulling back with saliva glossing his lips, cupping your face now. “Say it.”

“No - ngh!” He slams his cock so deep, until he’s bottomed out, your tight walls stretching to accommodate, gushing down his length.

“Once.” He pleads, thumb brushing your swollen lips, cock sliding in even harder.

“You can’t ask for it.”

“I can. I am. I need to hear it.” You’re shaking your head even as he’s devouring you, fucking every thought out of your head, every warning there should be, it’s all faded until it’s just him. “You’re mine.”

“No.” He’s exhaling, lips passionate while he deepens the kiss, moaning into your mouth while your thighs clench on his hips, and he presses inside even deeper.

“Mine for tonight.” His pleading ends you, you’re cupping his face now, taking a shaky inhale before you speak it, the madness.

“Yours for tonight.” Suguru slams his lips back down, fucking into you so deep you can’t remember where he ends, where you begin, can’t breathe, feeling the drops of his tears, of a man you thought couldn’t feel, splattering along your cheeks.

“Come with me, now, Princess.” The way he murmurs that damn name is too much, you let him surround you, as he lifts a thigh. “With me, now.”

“Suguru I- ah!” You’re cumming when he starts pumping his hot cum so deep inside your now sore little hole, spurts rushing across all your walls, while you’re crying from how hard you’ve peaked, how much you feel, and see his watery eyes in your swimming vision.

“There it is, feel her gripping me. Wants it all, hmm?” You’d usually shake your head, but you’re nodding, sniffling while your tears mix together on both of your mouths, his hand gripping your waist bruisingly. “Imagine when you’re round with me.”

“Don’t say it.” He sighs now, as he eases out of you, watching the mess of both of your fluids gushing down his royal purple blankets, making him feral at the sight, fingers brushing over your stomach, making you shiver, sensitive to everything. “You can’t think it.”

“But you are having my baby.” Suguru kisses your tummy far too fondly, as you sob further, as he makes you feel more.

“I’ll hate you forever if you go. Forever, Suguru Geto.” He sighs, resting his forehead against your tummy now, while your fingers caress his shoulders, watching the goosebumps rise all over his skin.

“I know, Princess.” He eases off you now, eyeing the slutty mess he’s made of you, swollen lips, bruises on your skin, red marks all over, the indentations of his teeth.

He loves you.

“Stay in bed with me then. Don’t go.” He looks away as you sit up, your hair falling back now, revealing more of your bitten shoulders. “Stay.”

“You don’t understand how long I’ve worked for this. You don’t know about the world like you think.”

“You’ll punish them all for a few?”

“It’s not that it’s…” Your hand touches his chest, feeling a usually steady heart beat erratically against your palm.

“We could have this. We could give ourselves to this. Together, go away, so far away Suguru that no one will find us.”

“I can’t-”

“Bring the girls. I’ll raise them with you, far away from the hate that’s poisoning you, there’s something there, I can feel it.” Suguru stands now, strong muscled back just enhanced by the glow from the moonlight filtering in, hair falling against his back, between those shoulders that bare too much.

“Let me clean you up.” He goes to his bathroom, coming back and cleaning you far too gently, eyes not quite meeting yours. “Will you lay with me tonight?”

“Suguru…”

“Shh, just… for once, let me hold you for the night.” His emotions alone fill his throat, making his voice husky, you’re sniffling even as he swipes your tears. “I know you hate me, and you should hate me. But please, this one night, let me just hold you.”

“Fuck you for this.” He exhales, then moans softly when you kiss him, the taste of your salty tears against his lips. “Please, one night where I feel you against me, where you’re in my arms. You’ve only allowed one night… during your nightmare.”

“Nightmare of you.” You hold nothing back, you never do, a sharp tongue and words that pierce through his very soul. “Why?”

“I want you in my goddamn arms. You… I mean it, the exception.”

“But not enough to choose me.”

Suguru sighs now, pulling you closer, a hand slipping across your lower back, burning your skin. “Lay with me once. Tonight. Let me hold you in my arms.”

“Oh fuck you.” He’d laugh if he didn’t hear the fucking pain in your voice, feel your brutal kiss returning his own, hands entwining, bodies moving against each other. “You don’t even deserve to hold me.”

“I know I don’t.” He brushes your hair back behind your ear, eyes drinking in your pretty face, as if for the last time. “But please let me.”

“You’re asking something, and saying please?” he just gulps, you take a shaky breath then, turning on your side, hand slipping under the cool silk of the pillow. “Then hold me, if you wish, before you leave.”

Suguru pulls you against himself, and you hate how good he feels, his hard body still so warm from your exertions, his rough palm pressing against your tummy, unspoken words so loud between the two of you. You’re in love with a selfish, cruel man, but what is even worse is how much more you know there is.

You see why Satoru still loves him, after every atrocity he has committed.

You love him too.

“I hate you for making me feel this.” Your hushed words pierce him so deeply, when he pulls you closer, burying his head against the crook of your neck.

“I don’t hate you.”

“Lies.”

“I don’t. Far from it.”

“Just… shut up.” He’d smile surely, your attitude is like no other, even screaming his name you still never let up on him.

What would it be like when he came back?

Would you forgive him?

“You are one of the most important people to me-”

“No. Stop now before you destroy me further.” You go to move, and he yanks you back against him, this time facing him, and he sees the streaks running down your cheeks. “I’m not enough.”

“You are-”

“I’m not enough to stop you. We are not enough.” He holds you against him, even as you cry, until in exhaustion you fall asleep, sticky tears he swipes off gently, looking at your precious face, exhausted, drawn, lacking its usual color.

At this heartrate she can’t carry a baby.

The doctor’s words ring in his ears, when he slips the blanket over you, holding you tightly while you gently snore just a bit. “I love you.”

 You don’t hear him, and that’s for the best.

He aches to stay right here, when he has to awaken at four in the morning, the sun has not yet risen, when he has to leave the girl snug in his embrace, knowing he may never see her again. Suguru kisses your forehead, something he didn’t allow himself, last night the two of you had finally let go, the way you’d said ‘yours’ plays in his head, over and over, like a melodic symphony of his longing.

“Forgive me, Princess.”

*****

Waking up you reach for him, but Suguru is no longer there, just a bunch of rumpled sheets, the scent of him lingering, but long cold to the touch. You sit up in a room you’ve never slept in, Suguru Geto’s chambers, you’ve been fucked on every square inch of them, but never have you stayed the night. Your heart pounds in your chest so loudly you feel the dizziness of the blood pumping too fast.

No.

No, no, no.

“He can’t… he can’t…” You’re whispering frantically, gathering the crumpled robes, the ones he’d laid under you, even they have his scent just lingering on their silken material, while your shaky hands tie it on quickly.

You rush to the door, bare feet padding against the marble, you see Sashimi with his tongue lolling out, with Mimiko and Nanako, who are casually giggling and sipping on boba tea, as if everything is just fine. They come to you then, while you’re clutching the robes to your chest, the curse licking at your hand, while they tilt their heads at you.

“What’s wrong?” Mimiko asks.

“You look upset.” Nanako says.

“I am… worried about Suguru.”

“He’s so strong, don’t be!” Mimiko says with a grin.

“He is, he’ll win, promise.” Nanako and her hug you, trying to cheer you up, not realizing the depths of his mania, of his insanity.

“Are we alone?” You ask softly.

“No, dad wouldn’t leave us unprotected. Please don’t worry, he’s the strongest that there is!” You give them a soft smile, though you’re breaking apart inside piece by piece.

“I need to… get changed.” They watch curiously when you stride past them, now in a full panic, hastily getting dressed before finding the phone you’ve hidden under your mattress, dialing his number.

“Hey there sweets.” Satoru’s casual voice over the phone startles you.

“Tell me he’s…”

“Nope, he’s here all right, they’re all here.” Your cry over the phone speaker hurts Satoru even as he’s watching his best friend and everyone there marching slowly. “It’s not your fault that you couldn’t stop him.”

“Can you… take me there?” Satoru blinks, while his friend marches, dragons flying overhead, curses everywhere, sprawling across the streets, where his students and comrades stand ready, gathering together.

“As much as I disagree with Suguru on many things, humans are fragile… you’re not suited for a battleground.”

“Satoru please, maybe if he sees me-”

“That’s too dangerous.” He cuts you off, as your cries grow more desperate, and Satoru sees a student struggling, he curses. “I have to go.”

“Just trust me-” He hangs up, as you’re in a panic, completely unaware of what is even happening, rushing to the front doors, seeing the dome surrounding you glimmering when you try to touch it, jolting you back.

You fall to the soft clipped grass now, hands gripping the blades until you rip them from the roots, hopeless, terror sinking in.

What could you even do?

Could you forgive him?

You didn’t even say it… that you love him.

Would it have mattered if you had?

*****

Suguru smirks hours later, as tired sorcerers battle his own, his curses, he’s got them attacking people now, watching as they fall, but it doesn’t bring all of the satisfaction that he thought it would. He’s got you in his fucking head, his heart, ingrained like his own curse rushing through his veins, images of your tear streaked face, sounds of that little fetal heart beat echoing in his mind.

He didn’t even get to tell you.

Would it have mattered?

As his curses are destroyed more and more, Satoru’s clearly brought in several powerful sorcerers to help, some faces he recognizes from long ago. He sees Nanami, so different now, who gives him a disgusted scowl as he annihilates one of Suguru’s followers, swiping the blood off the white and black spotted blade.

“You’ve gotten strong, Kento.” Suguru says, when Nanami’s serious face scowls, and he pushes up his green goggles.

“Don’t dare call me that, anymore. My friend is long gone.” That shouldn’t hurt, Suguru would laugh at it, but the words sink in. “Now I’ll have my turn at you, killing children.”

“If the students would leave I wouldn’t harm them.” Suguru puts up a stance, hand bursting with Energy, as Satoru watches and remembers your plea then, while he crushes someone’s neck in his hands.

He needs to get you.

It’s the only option to end it.

Satoru’s gone in a flash, and you scream out when he’s right in front of you, jolting you up out of your bed, he lifts his white bandages with a finger, eyes swirling as they take you in, a blush on his face when he sees your disheveled state. “I scared you…”

“What’s he doing!?” You stand now, hands on Satoru’s chest, he realizes then that he’s not even putting up his infinity, as you look up at him desperately. “Is he…”

“It’s a shitshow to say the least, sweetheart. I have no time, I need to bring you, but I can’t guarantee the safety, I will try my best though.”

“No, no. Get me there. I have to try.” Satoru wraps an arm around your waist carefully, pulling you against his lithe body.

“Sorry you should hang on, and… prepare for this. Okay?” You nod then, feeling oddly comforted in his embrace, while he drops his mask back down, and you cling to his black silky jacket.

“I’m ready.”

He was not kidding when he said it, how sick and dizzy you’d feel teleporting with the white haired sorcerer, seeing the disaster all around you, endless curses you couldn’t believe, sorcerers in uniforms exhausted. Humans screaming in the distance, things are on fucking fire, figuratively and literally, buildings and walls destroyed. You gulp down the rolling nausea, while Satoru balances you.

“Easy.” He murmurs, you take an inhale through your nose, when Suguru catches your eyes, mid fight with a blond sorcerer, faltering as the man gets a slash against him, rivulets of blood rushing across the new slash in his robes.

“Suguru…” Your words hit his ears even as the sounds of destruction surround him, infuriated as Satoru holds you, stomping forward while you step out of his embrace, swaying just a bit.

“This is too far, Satoru. Leave her the fuck out of it.” Satoru’s laughter infuriates him, when he steadies you, murmuring in your ear.

“Give yourself a second.” You nod, stepping more steadily, as Suguru’s blood splattered face falls, softening when you stand toe to toe with him, the wind blowing your robes around your ankles, whipping around hair as he bends down, cupping your face.

“Get out of here. Now. It’s not safe.”

“The world isn’t safe, look what you’re doing!” You gesture wildly, making him observe just what you mean, injured sorcerers, death everywhere, his own curses disintegrating, former friends, former classmates, former teachers. All looking at him with the same sadness, though nothing compares to yours, when his eyes return to your face. “It’s not too late.”

“It’s too late, far too late. What did I tell you that night?” You shake your head, gulping with your dry throat, taking his hand and placing it on your tummy.

“We can run away. We can stop before more are hurt.”

“I can’t just-”

“You can. This isn’t you!”

“It is me!” His scream and grip on your wrists cause you to step back in fear, he realizes it, he sees it, the reflection in your glittering eyes- you’re terrified.

“I’ll never forgive this. Don’t do it, please just… let me be enough.” Suguru looks to the battle, then back to you, a million scenarios swirling in his head, when suddenly a blast hits you, and he watches the love of his life knocked to the ground.

“No… no… no!” He’s scowling, as the sorcerer who was one of his continuous blasting errant blows, he hadn’t even meant to hit you, but your body was…

Human.

You’re human.

Suguru kneels to the ground, eyeing your unconscious form, shaking you, smacking at your face, when he feels Satoru kneeling, checking your pulse. “This is your fault, Satoru, how could you bring her-”

“This is all you.” His words are cold and sharp, while his fingers feel the faintest of a pulse. “She’s human, Suguru.”

“And you brought her-”

“She’s human.” Satoru repeats once more, softer voice now, looking at him behind that blindfold. “I can get her to Shoko. But this needs to end.”

Suguru picks your limp body up in his arms, cradling you against his chest, your arm dangles limply, head falling to the side.

Suguru has a decision to make.

Let you go with Satoru to Shoko, and end this, disappear forever from your life, so that you could find a sliver of happiness he could never give you.

Or carry you to her himself, and try his best to redeem himself in your eyes.

“Stop.” He orders everyone loudly, voice resonating in echoes across the ripples of everyone, his curses stop first, then his fighters, while he pulls you tightly against him, the place you have always belonged, yet he never deserved to have. When he eyes what he’s done, the monster he became in your terrified eyes, he knows it then, he should have stayed in that bed, he should have listened.

He should have chosen you.

What does he do?

So I know this one is BRUTAL- but I will be doing dual endings, for five and six, one endgame Sugu/ reader, and one bittersweet and angsty. NO ONE will die so please don't worry either way, but be cautious of the warnings so you know what you're getting into! I know this one is very emotional, I'm crying with you :')

taglist#1- @ur-1fav-girl @gradmacoco @arabellasolstice @saitamaswifey @rjreins @uarmyhopeworldwide @makkiihehe @dabisdolly @angelzrulez21-blog @juicu @meme848 @arcanedx @satxoru @jeon-blue @longlivegojo @silvarys @enhasrii @inthedarkshadows000 @shokosmokes @schlokki @ashdiamashi @socutesotall @staarflowerr @you-need-namjesus @pkcoleight @tasteofapplecider @erenspersonalwh0re @makingtimemine @boobsbeesbongos @sjstg3 @msniks @hhhhhhhikariiiiiiii @l1v1ngzomb1e @lilbxtchsyndrome @voideddd @maddyhehehehhe @nanamiskentos @yenayaps @alygator77 @slamonwords @nonamevenus @sugurumylove @shibataimu @spicy-woodland-queen @nonamebbsblog @notyuralycat @beabamboo @satttanx @curlyhairkk

[jaylver]

WE CAN'T BE FRIENDS (WAIT FOR YOUR LOVE) — P.SH

SYNOPSIS: Loving someone was easy, but losing them without knowing the truth was far from easy. How Park Sunghoon returned into your life wasn’t the same as what you had in mind. The heartbreak you experienced over the years he was gone had materialised and was haunting you wherever you went. Dealing with your emotions wasn’t enough when Sunghoon was there, waiting for your love. You knew you had two choices to overcome this: either to regret loving him and lose him yet again, or to rediscover your love for him.  

PAIRINGS: writer!sunghoon x editor!afab!reader

GENRE: exes to lovers, angst, romance, slow burn, forced proximity

WARNING(S): mentions of drinking/alcohol, profanities, (lots of) miscommunication

WC: 25k

PLAYLIST: we can't be friends (wait for your love) by ariana grande, back to friends by sombr, the great war by taylor swift

AUTHOR'S NOTE: first fic of 2025! a quite lengthy one too! can't believe time is passing by so quicky, and i haven't been posting since november TT hope you enjoy this one where i (tried my best) to pour every emotion into! please leave a feedback and reblogs are greatly appreciated! muah xx

masterlist | © jaylver 2025 all rights reserved

How did you end up standing in front of your first love after years of not crossing paths?

It should've been just like any other day where you came to work with a cup of coffee in hand, waiting for the day of endless typing and proofreading to end, but somehow, the universe always had a way to surprise you. This surprise, however, was an unfortunate one that would take years for you to recover from. 

“Y/N, meet Park Sunghoon, the author of ‘Chaconne’,” your boss, Miss Lee was smiling ear to ear at eight in the morning at the prospect of having one of the country's biggest authors to be in her publishing house. “Sunghoon, this is Y/N L/N, chief editor. She'll be working with you for your new novel,”

No matter how you tried, you just couldn't reciprocate her enthusiasm. Even if you tried to put on a smile, the muscles on your face failed to cooperate with your mind and it only resulted in a deeper frown forming instead. There, standing before you wasn't the famous author that made a name for himself through his breakout novel, but in actuality, it was your first love, Park Sunghoon.

The same man who left you stranded when you needed him most. The very man that broke your heart and left it in pieces. Those teenage years spent together praying for a future where you and him would chase your dreams side-by-side had gone to waste. To you, it looked as if he was the one who succeeded the most out of the two of you. Was it resentment or anger? It didn't matter what it was, after all it was no use denying that there was an underlying grudge you held for the man who achieved everything he wanted after leaving you with no explanations. After those long years of not seeing him in person, fate managed to play him into your life. How funny.

Sunghoon doesn’t look equally excited to be working with you either. He, too, had an expression that was far from enthusiastic. There was a slight tinge of guilt that you sensed, unless it was a figment of your imagination that told you so. He could barely meet your eyes, an uncomfortable unfamiliarity about him hung in the air. 

No, he wasn't the same Park Sunghoon that you knew. He was probably a stranger. Despite knowing him well in the past, you couldn’t bear to cling onto the small hope that he was who he used to be. If he was, he wouldn’t have left the country without telling you in the first place and proceeded going no contact till the point where the news became your source of confirming he was alive and well, living too well while basking in fresh money from his newly published book. 

“N–new novel?” you looked over at Miss Lee, trying your best to mask the panic in your voice. Out of many publishing houses, must he really choose the one you worked in? What happened to the one publishing his previous books? The question marks were probably written all over your face at some point.

“Yes, a new novel,” Miss Lee affirmed, the unwavering smile sitting perfectly on her expression. “Sunghoon here is planning to publish his new book next year. It’s called ‘Wait For Your Love’. Isn’t that exciting? Anyway, I’ll leave him to you to explain the content, you’ll be working together starting from today onwards. By the way, meeting starts in five minutes, we need to discuss everything about the new book,”

“Right, I’ll get ready,” you watched as your boss disappeared into her own office, heaving a sigh of relief now that she was out of sight and you could finally drop the act of being nice. If anything, you were feeling everything but nice. You met Sunghoon's eyes almost in an instant, the awkward silence filling the space between you and him only made the atmosphere worse. 

Out of decent respect, you bowed your head a little and left to head back to your own workspace, hopefully taking advantage of that five minutes to sort out your thoughts. You took one step forward just to be stopped by him calling your name. The sound of your name coming out of his mouth was something that you dreamt of for ages. However, hearing it in reality seemed to have crushed every part of your fantasy.

“Hey Y/N,”

You turned around, slowly and cautiously. In that split second, a million possible scenarios played out in your mind. Maybe he was finally going to explain himself for leaving you, or what if he was offering an overdue apology? An unmistakable feeling of anticipation and hope swelled in your abdomen. It was all wishful thinking.

There was a faint smile on his lips. The look in his eyes said otherwise with an icy barrier that prevented you from reading him further. He truly has changed. Other than the freshly dyed hair and being a couple inches taller, he remained physically the same man from your past that returned to your life recently, the only difference was that he wasn't someone you knew anymore. 

“I look forward to working with you,”

He was the first to draw the line. 

Just as he's always done, from the point where he disappeared from your life till pretending as if you weren't his first love, he's drawn an invisible line that you failed to realise, an indicator for you to know that you were no longer needed in his life. 

You tried to swallow the lump growing in your throat, blinking back the tears piercing your eyes, the corners of your lips twitching in spite. “Right. I hope everything will work out smoothly.”

Truth be told, you wished you had quit your job instead of facing Park Sunghoon once again.  

There wasn’t a day in your teenage years transitioning to your early 20s where you hadn’t wondered what exactly went wrong, specifically between you and Sunghoon. 

There were countless times you found yourself stuck in endless thoughts of whether it was you who was the one that drove him away. How could he do such a thing to someone he loved? Was it ever truly real? The hurt you experienced was immeasurable, it left a deep cut that was taking forever to heal. Over the last four years since Sunghoon’s departure, you were practically spending your days alone. You were too afraid to get close to anyone to start a serious relationship, neither having the energy to attend those stupid blind dates your friends proposed. All of them were deemed worthless to you anyway, because as much as you hated, dreaded to admit it, some part of you still longed for Sunghoon. 

Now that he was actually here, back in your life, crashing into you and your already fragile mental state with no prior warning, you didn’t think the same as before. You wished he had kept his distance from you. Actually, you wished he had stayed far away in the foreign land he was residing in. 

Luckily for you, it was another Wednesday with a cup of coffee drunk halfway sitting next to your laptop, overly preoccupied with a pile of work to settle to even think about Sunghoon for a second, that was until you were met with your actual task which you should be tackling instead of doing other things in order to avoid it. The bright screen of your laptop displayed the bolded italic letters, ‘WAIT FOR YOUR LOVE’. Just from the title alone, it ignited an odd sense of ill feelings that dreaded you to scroll down further. 

“Hey,” Yunjin tapped you on your shoulder, pulling a chair to sit next to you. She was your coworker that has transcended the tier of being just work friends. You could still remember the first time she introduced herself to you where she accidentally spilled coffee over a newly bought carpet in the office and proceeded to get away by lying. From the point where you promised her you wouldn’t snitch, you somehow built a strong friendship with her.

“What’s up? Lunch break isn’t until an hour later,”

“I know that,” Yunjin broke out in a small smile at the fact you thought she was about to pull you to some new cafe she found. On the contrary, food wasn’t on her mind. She nodded to your laptop, the screen on display with Sunghoon’s name under his book title. “I want to ask about the author,”

“Sunghoon?” 

Yunjin raised an eyebrow at you, looking both inquisitive but also interested. "You say his name so naturally,"

"Do I?" you unconsciously bite the insides of your cheek, a habit you’ve grown to have whenever you are anxious. His name alone was enough to send a wave of anxiety through your bones. It also didn't help that Yunjin pointed out how his name rolled off your tongue like second nature. “Whatever. What's up with him?”

“Were you guys … from the same highschool?” the pause in Yunjin’s sentence before finishing it whole almost caused your heart to stop. You expected her to confront you about your past with Sunghoon knowing how well she utilises social media to her will. Did she manage to dig up your past that you tried so hard to escape from?

“We were,”

“Did you know him well?”

What’s with the sudden interrogation going on?

“Somewhat,” you supposed being vague was the safest way to dodge her question, and it seemed she had taken the bait too.

“I saw you in his old post. You were with him and a bunch of other people too,” Yunjin shrugged, mentioning that ever so nonchalantly, but all you could do at that moment was feel the horrors of knowing she’s seen the picture of you and him together. You were more surprised he kept a remnant of you in his account that he barely posted on. Now that he had gained a reputation for himself, you expected him to have deleted his old posts, but you were wrong. 

“Oh, right. We had mutual friends,”

“Is that so? What was he like? I’m down to get some inside scoop of a famous author’s past,” she raised her eyebrows, displaying a cheeky smirk that told you she was up to no good. Between work gossip was definitely one way to fuel passionate energy for the rest of the day.

“He’s…” what could you even say? Tell the truth about how great of a person he was to you or lie and say something he wasn’t? Either way, that version of him solely existed in the past, there was no longer any credibility to your words if you were to compare the person he was in present times. “He’s alright, I guess? Don’t know him that much,” 

Lies. 

“I was thinking you’d have much more information on this guy. He was in America for years before coming back. No one really knows him much, huh? There’s barely anything about him,”

“I guess you can put it that way.”

Avoidant couldn’t last forever. It was proven by Sunghoon’s presence and his draft waiting for you to be edited once you got back from lunch. The screen was still stuck on the front page just as you’ve left it, only then finding a small bit of courage to scroll down to where the main content lied. Staring at the number of pages you had to read through had pulled a groan out of you, and oddly enough, whether it was a coincidence or not, the three numbers of the total pages was also the date of your birthday. Maybe it was a strange coincidence the same as angel numbers were, except you chose not to believe in whatever hidden meaning it has behind it.

Adjusting the pillow behind your back, you settled into your chair for some hours of reading. The story began with two characters in their youth who befriended each other after an interesting accident, getting closer as they spent more time together, and before you knew it, feelings developed. All of those brought a saddening sense of reminiscence to you, every feeling evoked from his words was strangely familiar, even the characters and storyline were somehow relatable in some ways. How weird. 

The more you read his story, the distance between you and the screen of your laptop only becomes smaller. You couldn't believe what you were comprehending and the things your eyes were reading. It was a retelling of your life story with Sunghoon that was replaced by fictional characters that had turned into a plot that Park Sunghoon could manipulate into whatever he wants. The confession between the characters, their first date, them in college together, every one of those specific scenarios were exactly what you experienced in the past.

Were you just a short, momentary phase in the story of his life?

This was the story that he's planning to publish? Was he playing some sick joke on you by coming to your publishing house in the first place? To let you know that he's written a story about how you and him first met leading up to the part where he left? If this was a way of him explaining his side of a story through fictional characters in some alternate universe, then it's a shit way of saying sorry. 

Slamming your laptop shut, you swallowed down a groan that was threatening to escape. You closed your eyes, wishing you could stop thinking about the draft that brought back a flood of memories that you missed. Even then, you couldn't help picturing those moments you had together, there was a bitter taste in the roof of your mouth at the constant haunting of Park Sunghoon. 

You had no choice, there wasn't any other way to face this. So, your hands moved according to their will, picking up your phone and finding the contact under the name ‘Author Park (BLOCK AFTER)’. One press of a finger and it started to ring. For the first time since his reappearance, you didn't feel an impending sense of doom or even the slightest of weariness. Blinding rage at his audacity played a role in it. 

“Mr Park, I have some things to discuss with you about the draft.”

Sitting before your ex lover, now a renowned author that you're working with was a foreign and incomprehensible concept. 

Agreeing to meet up at a cafe was probably a good choice. The awkward silence between you and him was masked by the loud conversations in the vicinity. He took a particularly long, loud sip from his cup, earning a furtive glance over the laptop from you. 

“Mr Park, I think there are some … issues about the plot,” you slid your laptop over to him, making sure he's reading every highlighted sentence along with your careful annotations and remarks. 

Other than the obvious fact that he was basing the story off of his life with you as a focus, there were actual plot developments that you needed to address with him. One of them was a major plot hole where the main character, Lee Eunhyeok, disappeared out of the blue, thus introducing a new character as a second male lead for a certain time being. How cliche. 

Sunghoon pushed your laptop back over to you, an impassive look on his face that you couldn't read, unable to determine what he was thinking or even feeling about your opinions on his story. Sure, you wanted to write out every curse word you knew and pour your heart out the moment you finished analyzing the story, but for the sake of keeping your job and staying professional, you would rather not do so. 

You took his silence as an initiative for you to continue, scared of any possible outburst, though you knew it was unlikely with Sunghoon's personality. Despite the fierce look he had on all the time, he has a gentle heart that would never change. 

“Mr Park, I think you shouldn't—I mean—reconsider making some adjustments to the part where Eunhyeok leaves Saeon's life and a new lead appears. It's quite a massive plot hole that might be deemed unfavourable,” you were trying your best to remain as courteous as you could. Frankly, the thought of the main character disappearing and making his appearance years later was hitting too close to home. But why should you be surprised at this point onwards? Sunghoon was the one who took inspiration from the pain he caused, not even bothering to add some closure for the characters that neither you nor him got.

Fingers drumming softly on the wooden table, Sunghoon seemed to be collecting his every thought as he stared at you for a split second then averted his gaze to a potted plant that sat at a corner. A sigh escaped his lips. "You're right, Miss … L/N," there was a hint of reluctance when he spoke of your name with formality, as if it somehow pained him to act unfamiliar with you even though he was the first to push you away. “I'll make some adjustments and send them to you over the weekend,”

You nodded slowly, not expecting him to have gone with your idea that easily. Job's done for the day, you thought. You had pictured him to be a little more resistant towards your constructive criticism or at least fight back with an argument, but he didn't do either of those you envisioned. 

“Thank you for your time today, Mr Park. I'll take my leave now, and I'll see you at the next meeting.”

The sharp scrap of your chair against the floor filled the silence that followed. You had your laptop packed up, your bag held tightly in your hands, prepared to leave at once to escape whatever this awkward and suffocating situation. You were already standing, ready to take your leave when Sunghoon said your name, the ring of it sounding just like the last you've remembered in the past. Soft, careful. 

“Y/N,” he started, following suit to stand as well, seemingly much more intimidating compared to him sitting. You held your breath, not daring to let out a single word that might interrupt what he was about to say. As much as you hated to admit it, you still held onto a ridiculous amount of hope that some miracle would happen to you and Sunghoon, especially at times like this where Sunghoon reminded you of the person you once knew. 

“H–how have you been?”

You blinked. Once, then twice. It was something out of a scenario you've imagined one two many times. How have you been? Are you doing well? Those sort of questions were what you armed yourself to face if you happen to run into Sunghoon with the condition that he somehow had the decency to talk to you. Well, this was playing out exactly how you wished for it to be. Answers such as 'I'm doing good, great, fantastic actually. I'm the chief editor too' that you prepared for this day only ended up dying in your throat. 

How were you to answer his question either? It was simply agitating to see him acting as if nothing had happened. Pretending like he hadn't ruined your life before this then coming back to play the role of an old friend, what was he truly hiding? You wished you could understand, you wished you had a reason to understand.

“I'll be done with the next round of editing before our team meeting.”

There was nothing left to hide the coldness in your voice and the sadness that flowed in your irises. Just as he had done before, it was your chance to draw the line as well. The more you created a distance between you and him, the closer he was trying to get to you. 

Maybe everything would've hurt less if you went back to the days where you were stuck wondering whether Sunghoon remembered you rather than pretending like you don't know each other at all.

“You're seriously going to stay here to complete your editing?”

The clock had struck five o'clock on the dot, just in time for everyone to pack up and leave for the day, except for you. It was a new week, another day in the office, yet you couldn't stop thinking about the last private meeting you had with Sunghoon at the cafe. Him sending his newly edited draft to you over the weekend only spurred you into further madness as though he's announced his existence was not a figment of your imagination. He was a thorn stuck to your side, annoyingly and frustratingly stubborn. 

That perfectly explained why you were feeling a massive block when it came to editing his story. Nothing could go through your mind when you read through his freshly edited story that contained new content and back stories. Your brain was as blank as a sheet of paper. The moment you thought of his story, you'd think of him, and that pathetic 'how are you' which you brushed off. 

Who told you that it'd be a great idea to say you would be done with the editing before the meeting in two days? You were suffering the consequences of your own actions now that you were stuck with a non-proofread script.

Bidding farewells to your colleagues was almost as if you were bidding your freedom goodbye as you watched them leave one by one until nobody else was there except for you. The worst part of all was that you were the one willing to stay back, because you knew if you brought your work back home, nothing would be completed after a long day at work.

The sun outside of the window eventually set, the dark hues of pink and purple faded into a bleary black sky with stars accompanying your lonely figure. It should be dinner time for you, you should be thinking of what you eat, but fatigue was the only thing pricking you and enticing you to sleep.

So, that was exactly what you did. Head laid in your arms, you slept before your laptop that was wide open, not even bothering to shut it off even though the brightness was bothering you. A power nap, that was it, a ten minute recharge that would spring you back into action then you'd only think of dinner, right!

Wrong.

You've slept for an hour. It was past eight, close to nine, and the sole reason you got to know was because someone had woken you up. That 'someone' happened to be Park Sunghoon. At times like this, you couldn't but think if he was simply a part of your dream, but then his feathery touch was too much for it to be just a dream.

“Y/N?”

It took some effort for Sunghoon to shake you awake until he heard a groan from you, one eye opening just the slightest to realise where you were and who you were facing. Though groggy, your back straightened out of pure shock and impulse, 

“Sunghoon—I mean, Mr Park?”

The small falter in his expression went unnoticed by you in your haggard state, still unable to get the sleepy state out of your system. Sunghoon, however, felt a pang of disappointment at you maintaining your formality, though he chose to shake it off. 

“What time is it?” 

“It's close to nine,” 

Nine? Your eyes nearly popped out of their sockets at the thought of your power nap turning into a full blown nap time that turned another day into unproductiveness. A sigh left your lips, deciding to let go of your mistake, and your focus was now on Sunghoon, who you just realised was squatting in front of you. At this angle, you could finally see his face fully. The mole of his nose sat prominently as it always did, the faded freckles which decorated the expanse of his cheeks were a telling of how time slipped past both of you. 

“Drink some water,” he handed you a bottle of mineral water, making an attempt for you to stop your gaze intensely lingering on his skin that made him crawl in discomfort. You carefully accepted without any questions asked, taking a big gulp.

“What are you doing here?” You set the bottle down on your desk, piercing eyes following his every move as he stood up to his full height. You didn't mean to cut straight to the point, but your bluntness definitely caused a slight rise of awkward tension. 

“I texted you and you didn't answer, so I called you, but you didn't pick up either. I asked your colleague and she told me you're here,” his hand reached for his shoulder and rubbed it softly, an unconscious habit of his whenever he got embarrassed or uncomfortable.

“You called?”

His eyes widened a little, just a fraction that you didn't seem to have seen. There was an abashed smile to his face. “I—uh—wanted to ask you something,”

“Is it urgent?” You shifted in your seat, back aching from the sleeping position, but it didn't bug you as much as the reason behind Sunghoon's sudden appearance.

“No, not exactly …” he muttered, trailing off for a bit and pressing his lips into a thin line as he figured what to say after. “I just wanted to see you,”

The silence was practically deafening. What Sunghoon failed to realise was the weight of his words that befall onto you. As simple as a slip of a tongue that confession might be, in the context of the history you had with Sunghoon, nothing about what he said was simple or casual. 

“Have you eaten dinner?” Taking advantage of your lack of response, he managed to switch the topic even if it pained him to see his words rebounding off of the walls you built around yourself. 

“I haven't,” admittedly, you had the urge to run away like how you always did whenever you were met with an awkward situation, but given the effort Sunghoon was putting, you gave him a chance. Besides, your stomach was about to betray you for the hunger you've put it through. 

“Me too,” a beat passed, his hand that once rested on his shoulder travelled to the back of his neck, the sound of your breathing was loud enough to fill the quietness lingering in the air. “Do you … want to grab dinner together? I can pay,”

There was an edge to his voice, as if he was trying his best to persuade you into joining him for dinner. Was it desperation that you saw flickering in his eyes or were you just mistaken? You didn't understand why he was bothering to get close to you after years of being apart that he caused to happen in the first place. 

“You don't have to be so nice to me,” it was quietly uttered, another unconscious barrier you put up against him. 

Sunghoon averted his gaze away from you, looking out of the window and letting out a small sigh. He turned back to you, a hint of hurt present in those once shining eyes of his. “But I want to.”

There you were, sitting opposite him once again in a restaurant close to your office which you frequented, waiting for your food to arrive as another round of spine crawling silence sets in between you and him. Should you be the first to speak? You couldn't figure out what to say, or where you should even start. The many unexplained questions that lulled in the air contributed to the quietness. Neither of you were willing to budge, not one bit. 

Sunghoon let out a rather strained cough, then proceeded to take a big gulp out of his glass of water. You regretted not ordering any drinks, you needed something to gulp down for some faux confidence as well. 

“I just wanted to ask you how your progress is doing,” Sunghoon spoke out of the blue, breaking the icy silence that formed. “That's why I texted you in the first place. I added quite a lot,”

The feeling of your heart dropping to the pits of your abdomen shouldn't be bothering you, but it unfortunately did after Sunghoon revealed the reason for his visit. You were to blame for expecting something more from him, thinking he might've come to tell you a more important thing that wasn't related to work. Alas, you were disappointed to know he wasn't there to explain himself. You should expect less from him. 

“Oh,” you bit back a frown, remaining tight lipped. “Quite frankly, I haven't really started yet. I'm having a little editor's block,” you bowed your head, smiling apologetically.

“Don’t be sorry, I understand. I experience writer’s block too, it’s only natural to be stuck sometimes,” he waved his hands frantically, a panicked expression plastered on his face. The small details as such made your smile progressively sadder, every little thing about him was the same as it was before, reminding you of his specific habits and motions he’d do at different times. “It’s not the content that’s the problem, right?”

Everything about the content of his story was a problem to you. How he managed to feign ignorance about the inspiration of his story despite being the creator behind it was astounding to you. You hated it. You hated pretending everything was normal, that he was just someone you’re working with and not your first love. In the end, you remained as a coward that was scared to confront him anyway.

“I haven’t fully reviewed it yet,” you said dismissively, hoping your food would arrive sooner just so that you could stop this conversation from progressing. 

Sunghoon hummed in acknowledgement, nodding a little. “What do you think about the story so far? Or about the characters?”

If you could let out a scoff at that moment, you would’ve. The sheer audacity of him to play games with you was an indirect slap to your face. There was no way he had zero idea of what he was doing or the meaning behind his words. What was Park Sunghoon doing?

“I think Eunhyeok is an asshole,” your eye contact never once wavered, neither were you backing down from the fight he initiated from the start. “He abandoned Saeon when she needed him most, then disappeared without a trace just to come back and expect her to accept him back. It’s quite confusing, really, his character and the way he thinks,” you swallowed, pausing for a second to gather yourself. “I just wish I could understand him,” you put on a small smile in an attempt to diffuse the tension right after seeing Sunghoon's furrowed eyebrows. Surely you didn't touch a nerve … right?

“I agree,” you tried to mask your shock from his response, thinking he would've attempted to redirect the conversation away from the fact that you indirectly called him an asshole. The smile he had on his face was small, but it had a twinge of guilt and sadness to it. “Saeon went through a lot because of him,”

You were glad your hands were out of sight from Sunghoon with the way they were clenched into tight fists, turning nearly white, indents of your fingernails were probably formed on your palm. “I'm sure what she needed most is an explanation from him,”

“Do you think she hated him at some point?”

There was a suspenseful pause that gripped onto your skin, finding yourself unable to open your mouth to say something, literally anything. He had struck bullseye at landing on your weakest point: the unspoken grudge you held against him for leaving. 

“I think she has always hated him ever since he left without saying anything.”

If there was a hole that would swallow you whole during dinner and teleport you back home, you would've climbed into it as quickly as you could. The atmosphere surrounding you and Sunghoon throughout dinner could only be described in one word: unfortunate. Stemming from the unresolved tension created from the short conversation you had while waiting for your food, neither of you wanted to talk anymore, both of you were still soaking in the responses from all the questions asked. 

“Thanks for the dinner. I can pay you back—”

“There's no need, Miss L/N. I was the one who invited you out for dinner anyway,” he shook his head, smiling. “Treat it as a token of gratitude from me for your hard work,”

“Well then, thank you. I appreciate it,” for the first time ever since his return, you smiled with full genuinity instead of those awkward, half sincere smiles you put on out of courtesy.

Sunghook waved his hands, shaking his head a little. It was a common thing for him to do as a response to people thanking him. Another part of him that stayed the same. “How are you heading home?”

“I drove to the office today, and my car's just around the corner. I can walk back,”

“In the dark? I'll drive you back to the office,” his words had a finality to it, determined to not take ‘no’ as an answer.

“You don't have to. You've already paid for dinner,”

“And put your life at risk? I'm not doing that, especially not to you, Y/N,” 

You didn’t know what came over you when he uttered your name with some ounces of emotions you never knew he would still harbour for you. Longing, desperation and guilt, a total mix of tragic feelings that bled through his voice and piercing into your heart. He had no rights for showing you his weakest parts after all the things you’ve been through because of him. 

“Fine. I’ll come along.”

The car ride lasted no more than ten minutes, yet that short duration you spent in his car felt longer thanks to the uncomfortable atmosphere that never went away. Years ago, you’d never once thought Sunghoon’s presence as bothersome, not even the slightest, it never occurred to you that one day you’d find yourself wanting to implode instead of spending another passing second next to him. 

The line drawn between you and Sunghoon for the sake of professionalism was turning into a blur. Sunghoon was doing his best to salvage whatever that was left of your ruined relationship while you put everything in maintaining a tall wall between you and him. His efforts, to you, were in vain despite his determination. No matter how he tried, nothing could return to how it was back then. 

You and Sunghoon couldn’t be friends. 

“Thanks for the ride,” you unbuckle your seatbelt once the car comes to a stop, turning to look at Sunghoon with an appreciative smile. “And also for dinner,”

“Like I said, it’s nothing. I hope you’re not overworking yourself,” there it was, the shred of worry and care that overstepped a boundary you set. It would’ve hurt less if he was cold to you, and yet, he was still the same as ever, soft hearted and always looking out for others. For once, just this one, you wished he gave you a reason to hate him, but he was only making it difficult for you. “I’ll see you at the next team meeting,”

“Right. I’ll make sure I’ll have some progress in the editing,”

Sunghoon nodded, another round of silence filled the spaces around you and him. You took it as your queue to leave. “I’ll get going now then. Drive safe. Goodnight,” you reached for the handle, hoping to get a breath of fresh air and away from the stifling tension that has yet to be resolved, but a hand stopped you. It was Sunghoon. 

You looked down at his hand that rested on your shoulder, then you met his eyes that widened in both shock and panic. He retracted his hand away, averting his gaze for a moment from pure awkwardness and letting out a cough to diffuse the situation. 

“Is there … anything?” You stared back at him, curiosity filled your expecting gaze. Sunghoon didn't respond at once, choosing to stay quiet for a few seconds without taking his eyes off of you.

“I … I just wanted to say I’m sorry,”

“What?”

Sunghoon's jaw was tense, his grip on the steering wheel was tightening as each second passed, knuckles gradually turning white. He knew he couldn’t turn back on his word now that he’s said it. “I'm sorry for the pain that I've caused, for letting you go so easily and giving up. It's just … there’s a reason behind all this,”

You should've ran out of the car right before he had the chance to stop you. 

A part of you had high hopes for where this was heading, that you were finally getting the apology and explanation that you deserved, but the other part has long given up on wanting or needing to know. You find yourself struggling between the two, yet you knew what you had to do.

“You don't get to do this right now,” you murmured, barely audible enough for him to catch and almost as if you were saying it to yourself.

“What?” 

“I don't need your apology,” you found some courage at last, your tone combined with the straightforward response was harsh and absolutely throat-cutting for Sunghoon to hear. Unbeknownst to him, your heart was breaking despite being the one to say the cruel truth. “Let's just maintain this professional relationship while your book is still in progress,”

“Y/N, please—”

“You know we can’t be friends,”

You should be used to the amount of uncomfortable and suffocating silence by then, but nothing could prepare the sting you got from your own words. It was painfully true, the fact that your connections with him couldn’t just be “casual” or platonic, neither was it easy to shift from something deeper to something more casual or distant. You couldn’t see him as a friend, not after having history together, one that was too deep to disregard.

Sunghoon couldn't even get the rest of his sentence out, mouth closing to digest what you had just thrown into his face: a reality ever so cruel and blunt where the pain of being together overwhelmed the pain you experienced while apart.

“But I'd like to just pretend … that maybe we can—that we have a chance,” 

“What chance is there now when you never once gave me a chance from the start?” You brushed a hand through your hair in frustration, mentally chanting positive affirmations to yourself so that you wouldn't be the first to break. “Look, I–I think we should talk about this some other time, maybe after we're done with your book. You should sort your thoughts out first. For now, let's just be professional,” you paused, gouging his reaction that was hard to decipher. “I'll get going.”

Sunghoon didn't respond, mainly because he couldn't bring himself to, feeling as if his lips were sewn shut from either embarrassment or a mix of guilt and shame. He merely nodded, and you took it as a sign to leave, closing the door shut in his face as you slipped through his fingers once more. 

He could cling to his papers and pen, writing as many stories as he could with the perfect ending that he couldn't recreate in his reality, but in the end, it wouldn't bring him back to the time where you were by his side.

We can't be friends. Sunghoon just had to accept the fact that he was at fault for letting you go even if you didn't know the actual truth behind it.

Things weren't the same as it was before.

Hell, it never once was the same between you and Sunghoon in the present ever since he came back, but the entire interaction that night only turned the dynamic into something worse. Throughout the entire team meeting with Sunghoon in the room, you couldn't fix your attention on anything. Your mind would often drift to Sunghoon and the memory of his desperation or the part he almost revealed the truth constantly plagued you with the reminder sitting at the other end of the room. 

Right, the truth. He wanted to tell you about it, or it was implied that he wanted to. You were close to finding out the reason behind his erasure from your life. Alas, it was your ego that won over your heart, choosing to let Sunghoon bathe in the consequences of his actions first before you could reach your desires.

“How was work? You look extra dishevelled these days,” Minjeong, your roommate and life-long best friend since high school, brushed a finger through your hair, then took a seat next to you. 

“Thanks,” you mumbled at the last part she added, suddenly craving for a beer to drown away your sorrows. “It's just some work stress,”

“Didn't you mention you were editing Sunghoon's book?”

“I did,”

“How's it going? Sunghoon, that's what I mean,” Minjeong was picking her words carefully, you could tell. She was the only person to have seen you at your lowest point when Sunghoon left, being the witness of you and Sunghoon's relationship throughout high school and even coming to your defence by dialing his number the entire night that he left. The least you could do was be honest to her about how you felt when it came to Sunghoon. 

“It's … rough,” you exhaled sharply through your nose, letting your true exhaustion bleed through your voice. “His new story's about me … about us, actually,”

“No way!”

“That's why I'm going insane,” you groaned, throwing your head back to lay your head on the headrest of the couch. “I'm reliving our every moment together through editing his story,”

“That's evil,” she shook her head, placing a hand on yours in an attempt to provide some comfort. “I'm going to beat him up if I see him. How could he do that to you? And also for leaving without telling any of us,”

“He tried to explain himself the other night, he apologised too,”

Minjeong scooted closer to you, eager to dig out more information from you. “Then? What did you say?” She pressed on, staring closely with full expectations. 

“Nothing. I didn't really accept his apology and I told him I'll hear him out another time,”

“What?” She shrieked, body fully jerking backwards from the shock that coursed through her. Somehow, she managed to regain her composure. “You know what? Good on you. I would've done that too,”

“Would you?”

Several changes of expressions flashed across her face, ranging from deep consideration to disgust. “Maybe?”

You chuckled, shaking your head knowing there was little to none truth value to that. “Is it a mistake? Drawing a line and keeping a distance?”

Minjeong pursed her lips thoughtfully, crossing her arms. “Honestly, you're entitled to do that until you're ready and your heart is fully healed. After all, he was the one who broke it in the first place.”

The whole entire situation was pathetic. Minjeong has already seen you losing it over Sunghoon in the past, you couldn't believe she would be getting a part two as well. However, you and her were no longer in your teen years, which meant Minjeong had an excuse to drag you to her favourite club as a getaway even if it meant you had to be stuck in hell.

“How is this going to make me feel better?” You were referring to the bodies of people dancing in one place, the stench of alcohol and smoke lingering in the air, the unfavourable vibe of being in a club itself was present with the loud music screaming into your eardrums. 

“Get drunk, then there's no need to think anymore,” Minjeong pointed to her head, giggling, but it was more to herself. 

“You're a really bad influence,” you mumbled, clutching onto her forearm for both physical and mental support.

The place she led you off to was the bar, ushering for you to take a seat next to her designated spot (you had no idea how and why she had one). You let her take the initiative by ordering her favourite drinks, then listened as she poured her heart out over the loud music that distracted you. Her plan was working. At least the music was too loud for you to hear your own thoughts.

“I didn't think this would be your favourite club,”

Minjeong made a face, shrugging. “It's one of my favourites. A colleague brought me here, and even though it's not the best, I still find myself coming back. It's weird,”

You hummed, finding her words ringing in your mind, feeling oddly close to your heart and the emotions you had. “That's lowkey really deep. Are you drunk already?”

“Ha-ha,” she let out dryly, completely unamused, but still cracked a smile after. “I wish I was. This is a call for some more drinks!”

You were mostly on the sidelines trying to control Minjeong with her alcohol intake, consuming only a few shots and calling it a night to be the designated sober one. At that point, you wondered if it was you or Minjeong that needed to destress the most judging from the difference in manner.

The time has come for you to end your night and find Minjeong to take her home before she ends up regretting it in the morning. The dance floor was packed with people, it took you barely a minute to give up your search and give yourself another five minutes to catch your breath. You lingered around the area, walking past booths occupied by groups of people.

There was a particular group that attracted your attention, a voice piercing through the loud music which you knew too well who it belonged to. Minjeong wasn't on the dance floor grooving her worries away, instead she was busy screaming at someone drunkenly. You were going to ban her from coming out ever again.

You rushed to the booth, seeing Minjeong's back while a man loomed over her figure. Was it her ex? There was no reason for Minjeong to get herself into fights when she was too cowardly to raise her voice up at someone in the first place. It didn't matter, all you needed was to pull her out of there or else something worse might happen.

“You fucking bastard—”

“Minjeong!” You yelled over the music, hoping that she somehow managed to hear you in her drunken state. Grasping onto her arm, you made sure she was intact physically. She was fine, eyes a little bloodshot and makeup slightly smudged, but other than that, she was fine. 

“I'm sorry—” you turned to the person she was yelling at, only to find yourself unable to continue speaking. You were not fine. “Sunghoon?” Minjeong hadn't seen her ex, it was your ex that she ran into.

“Y/N,” your name left his lips in a hushed, breathless manner, as if he was having a hard time comprehending that you were there and that you had actually said his name without some formality that he scorned. Despite that, the cold, piercing look in your eyes never wavered once while you stared at him.

“I'm sorry about Minjeong. She's a little drunk,” you wrapped a hand around her waist, letting her lean onto you for support as she slipped in and out of consciousness, blabbering incoherently. 

“I figured. I didn't expect this to be my first time meeting her again, especially not here,” he sighed, dropping his gaze to the floor for a moment, pondering. “I didn't think you'd feel … that way about me,” he looked up at you, this time with an expression you couldn't read.

Your eyes widened a bit, mostly in panic and confusion. “What? What did she say? She's drunk, don't take her words seriously—” you averted your gaze over his shoulders for a split second, catching some of his friends looking, but you didn't miss the girls that were in the group, particularly a girl that sat next to an empty spot you assumed to be Sunghoon's. She was the same girl you saw on one of his friend's posts online, posing next to Sunghoon in almost every group picture they had.

You sucked in a sharp breath, rushing to say something before Sunghoon had the chance to do so. There was a gutting feeling to you that you hated, it wasn't foreign, more or less something you've grown to adapt around Sunghoon after he came back into your life. “I'm sorry, I didn't mean to ruin your—” you couldn't help but spare another glance behind him, the girl was staring right at you, “—fun. I'll be leaving, please don't take any of her words seriously, she's drunk. I'll tell Minjeong to apologise in the morning.”

“Y/N, wait—”

It was cruel for turning away and practically running into the crowd with your drunk friend to escape your ex, you'd admit it, but you'd rather get blackout drunk than to face Sunghoon for another second with his friends around. The chilly night air was welcomed into your lungs once you stepped out into the open, realising it was almost one in the morning. Minjeong was slightly more sober after you forcefully had her chug a bottle of water. She was seated on a curb while you looked through options to call a cab. 

“Y/N,”

What you expected was Minjeong calling for you, but the last you recalled, her voice wasn't deep and masculine. Your head snapped towards the source only to be met with the same person you were trying your hardest to get away from. The exhaustion was clear in his face, the worn out expression he had paired with the lingering smell of alcohol hung on him definitely got some pity points out of you. You sighed, your voice suddenly trapped in your throat as you didn't know what to say. Unlike you, it seemed Sunghoon did know what he would like to say.

“Are you really going to leave like this?”

“What?”

“Are you going to continue being cold to me?” Sunghoon's breath was shaky, the question he held in for far too long was actually leaving his lips, the slight smell of alcohol traceable. “Do you hate me?”

“I—” lost for words was what you were experiencing. The amount of times you've pictured yourself having a confrontational conversation with Sunghoon ended up turning into a waste. Nothing could've possibly prepared you for the moment where it actually happened, and you were the complete opposite to what you imagined yourself to be. “I–I don't hate you,”

“Then why are you treating me like you do?”

There it was. He had successfully touched a nerve. “Are you seriously asking me that? Sunghoon, you were the one who left me without saying anything. You came back thinking I'm going to be jumping when I see you? What do you want me to say? That I forgive you?”

“Can you please give me a chance to explain myself,”

“No, Sunghoon. Actually, I wish life was back to the times where I find myself thinking about you instead of having to face you. It’s much harder this way—to live pretending like we don’t know each other, to know you left me and embarrassed me, to make me feel like I’m not enough for you. So, no, Sunghoon, I want to move on and you’re only making it harder to,”

You were almost catching your breath at that point. The pain in your heart was much bigger than the feeling of your fingernails digging into the skin of your palm. It was impossible to hide your vulnerability by then, your upper lip was quivering and the hairs on the back of your neck were standing upright. 

The whole situation was laughable, you were going into a state of frenzied disbelief and shock, something not even alcohol could induce but purely from the audacity of Park Sunghoon. “Okay, I admit it, I never got over you, so what? But I've learnt to live with the pain of knowing you're never coming back,” you were turning into a pile of pitiness, your voice becoming smaller just as how you felt as you poured your heart out. “Why are you back in my life, Sunghoon? I never asked you to come back,” the last part nearly came out as a desperate sob, the amount of mental fatigue was overwhelming. 

Sunghoon opened his mouth just to close it after a beat. He was speechless, practically unmoving from the effects of your emotions slapping him in his face. Defeated, that was how he looked, shoulders slumped and eyes brimmed with tears that were threatening to flow out at any moment. “I never … I never meant to let you go in the first place. I should've never left, but I was too selfish,”

Your frown deepened, practically etching fine lines into your skin. “What? What do you mean?”

“It was my father, you knew how he was, always obsessed with the family business, he was the one who made me pick. Either I was going abroad or he was going to force me into a marriage with another woman to strengthen the family's business,” he let out a laugh, sounding nearly maniacally as he ran a hand through his dishevelled hair. “Funny, isn't it? Sounds almost like a plot from a movie. But that was exactly what I had to face, and I know it's selfish. It's just … I didn’t want to lose you completely, and I didn’t want to make it harder for you so I left without telling you. It was one of the worst decisions I’ve made in my life, I realised I still lost you in the end,”

“Why didn’t you tell me?” Feeling betrayed was an understatement. Certainly, that was a tough pill to swallow. You thought Sunghoon's father, despite being the cliche epitome of a rich, strict businessman, had accepted you as Sunghoon's partner. Instead, it was the contrary where he rather Sunghoon marry someone on his ‘level’. For a second, you mistook yourself for the main character in some low budget film.

“I thought it would be easier if you hated me instead,”

“Well, congrats, you got what you wanted,” you scoffed, taking a step back when he tried to get closer. Distance was what you needed in that moment, not closure in any shape or form, all you wanted was to be away from him. “I'm sorry that happened to you, but I don't think anything could change or fix the damage that's already been done,”

“Wait—”

You were already backing away from him, another excuse for you to run away yet again like a coward that didn't wish to face reality. Wasn't this what you wanted after all? The real truth being revealed on a random night where Sunghoon was slightly buzzed and your friend was on the verge of blacking out was the last you wanted. There was no space for you to absorb the truth, so you chose the easier way out by running away. 

Calling Minjeong's boyfriend, Jaehyun, was the best decision you made right before Sunghoon appeared. He seemed to have answered your prayers and arrived just in time to pick the two of you up. You did feel bad for calling him this late in the night, and you swore to buy him lunch as a way to pay him back. 

By the time you hoisted Minjeong up, wrapping a hand around her waist and letting her place her support on you, Sunghoon had already made a few cautious steps towards you two. You met his eyes, body facing him despite the weight that was about to crush you, not that it could compare to the weight of his gaze that fell onto you. 

“Sunghoon, let's talk about this another time, please? I need time to think, and editing your book isn't helping all that much with this whole … pile of something,” you were making wild gestures with one hand, a frenzied look to your face. “Go back to your—” you paused, the faint memory of the girl coming back to your mind for a beat, “—friends.”

Sunghoon couldn't respond, all he did was watch your figure disappearing into the car of some other man that he didn't know. You left him out in the street, many unspoken frustrations that were unable to be poured out through alcohol stuck with you like a sore thorn. Jaehyun turned to ask if you're alright, but you shrugged it off, though knowing you were the complete opposite of just 'fine'.

You didn't know how to forgive Sunghoon. That is if you could even find the courage to forgive him in the first place.

Whoever initiated a team dinner with Sunghoon should be out there watching their backs. 

You hadn't seen Sunghoon ever since that night. The last time you heard his name was when Minjeong told you about her lengthy apology to him, and that was it. He didn't turn up to the publishing house either, most times you had to communicate through email—yes, email—in order to get a hold of him. That was how bad it got, straight till the point where your boss asked you of his whereabouts. You could tell he was reluctant to show his face again. Just the same as you were in avoiding him. 

That was until a scheduled team dinner at some fancy restaurant to celebrate the progress of Sunghoon's soon published book. The hours leading up to it was dreadful to say the least. You hadn’t felt this way since your petty fight with Minjeong over the last slice of pizza. It was the horrible gut feeling where you knew you had to either confront or be confronted. Both of which were equally despised.

“Once this book is out, our workload will be less,” Yunjin stretched her arms, letting out a yawn while adjusting in her seat. “I’m glad everything is in its final stage now, all there’s left is the printing, and it isn’t our job!” she laughed gleefully, shooting you a knowing wink that you responded with a smile.

Once everything was over with Sunghoon’s book, would the ties between you and him finally become severed? Was there a chance that after this fateful reunion, things would return back to normal? For him to come into your life and mess things up again then leave was quite unfair for you. There was no other chance but to find a way out of this, as much as you hated confrontations. 

Speaking of confrontations, the seating arrangements seemed to have set you up for a perfect opportunity. Not only was it a roundtable, but Sunghoon was also somehow pushed to sit to your right, leaving you no space to run like how you always did. 

“Heard the food here is good,” Yunjin whispered to you, flipping through the menu with a happy smirk, totally in blissful ignorance of the blaring ‘SOS’ screaming in your eyes. “I think I’d like to order this one…” she trailed off with the look of gluttony, whereas you were aimlessly staring at a specific bowl of rice in the menu, trying to not make it obvious that you were bothered by Sunghoon’s presence.

The longer you sat there pretending he wasn’t literally next to you, the more suffocated you felt. This wasn’t the way to go. You knew that you had no choice but to be the person to speak up first, to officially break the ice and ease the odd tension even if you weren’t the type to do so. It was either that or a lifelong torture of living with the truth that you left the relationship to die.

You breathed in deeply, pressing your lips into a thin line. “Hey, Sunghoon—”

“Sunghoon!” your boss announced her presence with a shout of Sunghoon’s name, barrelling into the room and making a bee-line towards the man sitting beside you. As expected, your voice was naturally drowned out by your boss, his attention was focused on your boss’s attack of praises and excitement. There you were, stranded and shrinking back into your shell. 

That was what you got for trying.

You shouldn’t be bothered by the constant glances from Sunghoon all throughout dinner, but you were. Living up to your reputation of being stubborn, you persisted to ignore his advances. The glances, the occasional accidental skin contact, you feigned ignorance to all of them. Being the first to reach out and failing, you no longer dared to do it again, and instead, Sunghoon was forced to come crawling back.

At the end of the night, the team insisted on having drinks at a bar downtown, but you decided to call it a night and declined their invitations. They didn’t know you had already promised Minjeong to a session of binge watching ‘Sex and the City’. The front of the restaurant was crowded with you and your team, still stalling for time by having lengthy conversations before making the journey downtown. 

“Hey,”

You spun around, quick enough for the wind to be knocked out from your lungs, abruptly facing Sunghoon head on with nowhere to hide. It was hard to place a finger on it, yet you had a feeling he was hiding his emotions despite always wearing his heart on his sleeves. Was he trying to create an imaginary boundary? 

“Hey,” you said softly, slipping a hand into your pocket to hide your nervousness and easing the chills running through you. “How have you been? I … didn’t see you in a while,”

“I’ve been fine,” he nodded, following with a pulsating silence that was eating you alive. He kept his answer short and simple, leaving room for discomfort only. There was a moment of uncertainty, not knowing which one of you would be the first to speak. That was until Sunghoon took the initiative to start the conversation. “Look,” one sharp inhale of a breath, he steadied himself. “I’m sorry for the other night, really sorry … for dumping all of that on you,”

“It’s fine. I think it was time for me to learn the truth,” you shook your head, looking at anywhere but him. “This is probably not the best place to talk about this, but after you avoided me for a while, I had lots of thoughts about … us,”

Sunghoon winced at the harshly thrown word, ‘avoided’, even though it was mostly true. He stayed silent, aware that there was no rebuttal to deny that he had done that. “I can’t bring myself to forgive you completely, Sunghoon, I hope you understand that. It may take time … for the wound to heal,” you paused, the tension in his shoulder yet to disappear as he waited for you to continue. “But I don’t want us to end. I missed you, I really do, and I don’t want to lose you again,” 

The wall was starting to crack, emotions began to stream into his eyes like watercolour on a wet paper, the conflicted furrow of his eyebrows spoke louder than words did. “You won’t lose me again. Never. I’m here to stay,” he reached out for your hands, and you let him, powerless against his touch. At that point of time, you were glad you were standing in a corner and away from your coworkers. 

“I still love you,”

Those words came out of his mouth almost like a spear to your heart. Despite knowing deep in your heart that he always did, hearing it from him was different compared to your imaginations. You froze, shell shocked and wide eyed. The only sound you were hearing was the hammering of your heart against your ribs. He still loves you. His voice echoing those exact same words played in your head, and for a moment, you wondered if you had even heard him correctly. Maybe you had misunderstood, or perhaps your mind was playing tricks on you.

Your eyes searched his face, hoping for a sign that he was joking, but there was none. His expression was serious, vulnerable even, and that made it all the harder to breathe.

The weight of it pressed down on your chest, too much to bear, yet too real to ignore. Your mouth opened, but no words came out. You were scared to say anything, to confess that you weren’t on the same wavelength as he was, to admit that the spark of your love for him wasn’t as bright as his. There he was—still standing before you with all those unspoken feelings laid bare.

This couldn’t be real. Not after everything…

“I’m sorry,” he dropped your hand, momentarily panicking from your lack of response, eyes widening at what he had just said. “I shouldn’t—I—you’re probably uncomfortable—I don’t know—” he turned into a stuttering mess, and again, an invisible wall started to build between you and him again. 

You shook yourself out of the state you were in, sheepishly mustering a smile that did nothing to salvage the situation at hand. “It’s alright, I’m totally fine and I’m not uncomfortable at all. Just a little … shocked,”

Sunghoon attempted a smile that ended up too stiff and asymmetrical, his body language was blaring red. Oh God, how did this turn from bad to worse? He ran a shaky hand through his hair, his voice quiet, almost to himself. “I didn’t mean to make you feel weird or anything... I just—” He stopped himself, breathing out in frustration, unsure of how to put his thoughts together. “I don’t know how to explain this... I guess I just thought... maybe... if I said it out loud, it wouldn’t be something I regret not saying later.”

He shifted uncomfortably on his feet, glancing down at the ground before looking back up at you, his face flushed with embarrassment. “I’m sorry if that was too much. I didn’t want to make you feel like... like you owe me anything. Or like I’m putting pressure on you.” His eyes flickered away for a moment, his voice dropping to a near whisper. “I just—honestly, I didn’t know how else to handle it.”

You swallowed, similarly not knowing how to handle his sudden outburst of a confession. 

“You don't have to say anything, I understand. I'm not expecting you to reciprocate, all I want is for you to know,” Sunghoon wore a sad smile, an attempt to mask his actual feelings. To you, he was easy to read like an open book, it was hard to know the truth and pretend that you didn't. 

“Sunghoon—” you started slowly, bracing yourself to say whatever that came to mind, ignoring the confused thoughts playing in the back. What were your actual feelings when it came to him anyway? 

It was never truly hatred to begin with. Resentment was probably the most fitting. As time passed, with the interactions you had together, everything boiled down to be a confusing mess. You didn't know what Park Sunghoon meant to you anymore.

“Sunghoon! We’re leaving for the bar! Come on!”

The voice of your colleague calling for him interjected at the right time. You were saved from having to reply while Sunghoon was saved from knowing the truth. Either way, you didn't wish to be confrontational at all, not when your thoughts were in a mess from his sudden confession. 

You and Sunghoon exchanged a brief look, an awkward one where you both realised it's time to depart. More likely, it was an official end to the conversation that either of you wanted out of for separate reasons. 

“I—I think—” Sunghoon nodded over to your colleagues, offering half a smile. 

“Right, right, you have to go,” you let out a small laugh to fill in the still air. “It's alright. Go, have fun. I'll talk to you soon.”

Sunghoon casted a rather reluctant glance at you as he walked away, whereas you stood rooted to the ground watching him leave. Your words rang in the back of your mind, you doubted if you'd ever get the chance to talk to him again, especially after the entire conversation you had.

The night ended up turning into a sleepless one as you tossed and turned in bed, wide awake and haunted by the face of your ex together with the words he said. All you wanted to do was address the problem in the room, not creating a larger one that blew up in your face. He still loved you after all this time, while you only grew larger resentment in that period of his absence, it just seemed unfair to you for not knowing. 

A loud knock on your front door brought you away from your string of thoughts. It was then followed by your door bell ringing, alternating between the two and it became an annoying combination that assaulted your ears in the dead of the night. Groggy, and rather annoyed, you got out of bed to check who was bothering you through the peephole. 

The figure on the other side of your door was slumped against the wall, eyes barely open. Yet, there wasn’t any mistake in recognising the person that terrorised you both day and night. “Sunghoon?” you half-shouted, scared to open the door as you didn’t dare to face him, maintaining your position at the peephole, monitoring his every movement. “Hey, are you okay—” your hand was nearly on your doorknob until he spoke, sounding sluggish but panicked.

“Don’t. Don’t open the door,” he was almost begging you, the desperation in his voice was evident, and so was the fact that he was very likely drunk out of his mind. You wondered what exactly was his thought process when it came to calling a cab straight to your place. The hand you had on the doorknob remained there, but you didn’t have the strength to turn it. “I … I just wanted to hear your voice,”

“What?”

There was a moment’s worth of silence. You took a look through the peephole, seeing Sunghoon slumped against your door, unmoving. You thought he was unconscious and had fallen asleep somehow, but when a choked sob sounded past his lips, you figured it wasn’t that simple. You called out his name again, palm pressed against your door, feeling rather helpless, but also too much of a coward to burst straight through your door and face him crying.

“I–I’m sorry, I’m a mess, fuck,” he mumbled, still audible for you to hear and distinguish the pain in his tone, as if every word he said to you was physically tormenting him. “I’m just scared,”

You paused, slightly dumbfounded. “Scared? Of what?”

“Of losing you,” he sounded as if he had given up on trying to hold the truth back, letting his vulnerability take over the lonesome hanging in the cold night air. “I tried so many times, to fix things, to make us … us again, but I think I’m just fucking things up instead,” his hands curled into a fist, resting on your door. “I know I’m selfish for wanting you back, I’m aware that I don’t deserve you … but I can’t let you go,”

You couldn’t let him go either. Despite the initial burning hatred and resentment you had for him and what he did, you realised those feelings gradually dissipated the longer you were with him. All those times where he poured his heart out, revealing the truth and what not, you came to a conclusion at last: you had finally let go of your past grudges. Although it was true that you weren’t as cold as you were to him, you still found yourself having a hard time opening up to him. The trust that was built over the years was broken the moment he left, as for now, time was what you needed.

“Please … please … Y/N,” Sunghoon let out a sob, louder than the last, the alcohol seeping into his system and taking charge. After all these years, Sunghoon remained an emotional drunk. Some things never change, do they? “I won’t ever leave, so please … don’t leave me too,” 

A deep sigh left your lips unknowingly, your hand fell from the door knob, suddenly breathless and powerless against yourself. You’ve never seen Sunghoon in such a state, weak and pathetic in contrast to his composed self. The walls you tried so hard to maintain between you and him were crumbling in front of you, before you knew it, you had fallen into a deep hole that you couldn’t crawl out of. There was no turning back, not after you pulled your door open, facing a pair of blood-shot eyes.  

Sunghoon didn’t expect you to actually open the door, to witness him in a dishevelled state that was embarrassing to the human eye. Even in his drunken mind, he could remember your every feature that seemed to have engraved itself into his memory. There was a round of silence, you were trying to gouge the situation standing before you while Sunghoon was stunned into quietness. 

Thinking straight wasn’t your first option, instead you did something you would only dare to do if you were drunk. You reached out for Sunghoon’s arm, grabbing onto him and pulling him in with every ounce of your strength. He crashed softly onto you, and at a speed faster than he could process, you embraced him into your chest, wrapping your arms around his larger body. 

You could feel him freezing into your embrace, the touch that was once so familiar to him needed some time to get used to. It didn’t take long before he melted into you, letting his head fall onto your shoulder and engulfing you closer to him with his arms. The position was oddly intimate, but you didn’t mind it at all. Your hearts were much closer than it had been in years, both physically and mentally. In fact, you hadn’t felt this way in a long time, a specific feeling that only Sunghoon could rekindle. 

No words were exchanged, but you understood much more than before. Sunghoon’s arms tightened around you, scared that you were a figment of his imagination, that you were going to leave just as he had feared. Your hand reached for his head that rested on your shoulder, slowly and carefully making the initial move to stroke his hair. 

“I’m not leaving, Sunghoon,” you whispered, hoping that he was sober enough to process your words and take it into account. “I’ll always be here,” you paused, blinking away a sudden wave of tears that threatened to fall out of nowhere. “Just … just don’t leave me, you jerk,” 

He removed his head from the crook of your neck, pulling away ever so slightly, just enough to face you, barely minding the small gap between you and him. “I promise, I promise I won’t ever make the same mistakes. I’ll be by your side for as long as you need,”

His words, though shaky, settled in your chest like a comforting weight. For some reason, he managed to say the right things that caused the past to wither away gradually from your mind. But the reality of the moment hit harder than you expected. You weren't sure what would come next or if you could fully trust him again, but right now, in this fleeting moment, it didn't matter.

Neither of you dared to break eye contact, holding each other tightly, terrified to let go. All of a sudden, those past months where you acted cold to one another seemed to be much further than imagined, as if it never happened. You stared deeply into those saccharine eyes, searching for any sign of doubt, but all you saw was sincerity, mixed with exhaustion and regret. A part of you wanted to pull away, to keep your distance, but you didn’t. For once, you let yourself breathe, let yourself lean into this fragile connection, even if it was built on broken trust.

“I forgive you, Sunghoon,” you started off slowly, cautiously, picking your words one by one. “But, you’ve got a lot to prove, and I don’t know if I can forget everything right away,” you paused, feeling a tightness in your throat, “maybe we can start over. Maybe.”

Sunghoon’s eyes softened, the momentary glaze over his eyes were gone, a telling sign that he was somehow much sober than earlier on. A faint, genuine smile tugged at the corners of his lips. “I’ll prove it to you. Every day, if I have to.”

You nodded slowly, still unsure of everything but knowing one thing for certain: this was not the end. There was too much history, too much love, even in its broken state, for it to end here. You and him couldn’t be friends, not when there was something more than that existed between the two of you. 

As cliche as it sounded, you knew fate had a play in hand. There was no denying that life led him back to you. Despite all odds, there you were, holding onto the warmth of his embrace, discarding the questions left to be answered after for a glint of hope. A fragile hope that, perhaps, things could still be fixed, even if they never fully returned to what they once were.

For now, you stayed in his arms, while he couldn’t bear to let you go, waiting for your love to return the way it used to be. 

In the next month, with Sunghoon’s book being officially published, the office had turned increasingly busy managing the marketing, promotions, sales and much more. Each department was scrambling to settle the piling work, including the editors, who were thrown into the mix to help out the rest of the team. That meant you were equally busy too.

First, it was the book launching party. 

Sunghoon seemed to have a loyal local fanbase, garnering a full house that sat patiently waiting for him. The cheers were indeed loud once he entered the room, his handsome face paired with great writing skills definitely was one way to be favoured by the crowd. He took a seat on the chair situated in the middle of the mini stage.

“I’m grateful that you’re all here to celebrate the launch of my new book. I believe it’s one of the few books I’ve published here since coming back from America,” he paused, eyes flickering, tongue darting out to wet his lips. “It’s also a book that I wrote based on my experiences here … ” in a room filled with strangers and staff, he managed to find you in the midst of them, eyes locked onto you and the silence somehow thickened. 

He averted his attention back to the crowd, and cleared his throat, his voice was noticeably softer now, as if he was choosing his words carefully. “… I wrote this book with a lot of personal feelings, a lot of things that I’ve been holding onto, and some of those feelings, well…” He let out a quiet, almost imperceptible sigh before his eyes flickered back to you, the intensity unmistakable despite the crowd around you. “Some of those feelings are about a person who's meant a lot to me. One I might never be able to fully explain how much they’ve impacted me, and sometimes…” He hesitated, then smiled faintly, the kind of smile that didn’t quite reach his eyes, as if he was hiding something. “… sometimes you just hope they’re listening. Even if they don’t always know it.”

The room was still, the noise from the crowd seemingly muted. It felt like the world had narrowed to just the two of you, that the people in the vicinity had disappeared. His words hang in the air with unspoken weight. Sunghoon’s gaze softened slightly as he looked at you, the faintest twitch in his lips betraying the emotion in his tone.

“I guess, in the end,” he continued, lowering his voice just a little more, “it’s the things you can’t say out loud that end up being the most important to you.” He quickly shifted his focus back to the audience, his smile returning, but the brief crack in his composure lingered like a delicate thread between you both. “So, that is why I dedicate this book to my first love,”

The shock didn’t just pass through the crowd of readers, but also in the group of staff standing around you. You were lucky that nobody else noticed his tunnel vision that was trained on solely you. It didn’t need a second thought to know that he was referring to you. Just as you were his first love, he was also yours, it should be a no brainer that the book he wrote about the two of you was dedicated to you. 

Sunghoon cracked a smile, breathing out a small laugh to ease the collective shock in the room. “I hope this book resonates with you, for those who experienced an unforgettable romance with your first love and stay up thinking about the endless possibilities. Pour your regrets, sadness and anguish into this book,” 

His gaze wandered over the crowd, but you could tell he wasn’t really looking at anyone, he was making an effort not to stray his gaze to your figure. However, old habits are hard to die. His eyes, those familiar eyes, drifted back to you once again, the intensity of his stare never breaking, making the room feel even smaller, forcing you into an imaginary corner.

“Sometimes, the people who mean the most to you… are the ones who leave you with all the things you wish you could’ve said,” Sunghoon continued, his voice barely above a whisper now, but still reaching you as if the words were meant only for your ears. “But I think… I think that’s what keeps the memories alive. It’s not about the things you lost, but the things you never got to say.”

His hand hovered over the microphone for a second, fingers brushing it lightly, and for a brief moment, the faint tremor in his hand betrayed the calm composure he was trying to maintain. The air between you felt charged, an unspoken tension that made it hard to breathe.

“I guess we all have our regrets. But it's how we carry them, how we turn them into something meaningful, that makes all the difference,” he said with a slight shrug, a soft, almost sad smile tugged at the corners of his lips. His gaze lingered on you for just a heartbeat longer before he shifted his attention back to the audience. It was then you could breathe properly again. 

The tension remained in the room, thick and unspoken, as the silence stretched just a bit too long before the next round of applause broke it. His speech was moving, sure, but to you, the meaning behind every word was deeper than what it seemed, following you around throughout the day like some pesky itch.

The event rolled by with questions answered, a short reading session and book signing. You and your team were tasked to run around setting things up, making sure everything was in place so that the event would run smoothly. Thankfully, it did, and your hard work had paid off. Being occupied for most of the time, you momentarily forgot about Sunghoon and what he said, unbeknownst to you, it was sitting in the back of your mind waiting for you. 

At the end of the day, you and your colleagues were working hard to clean and put things away, loud laughs and noisy conversations filled the empty venue, replacing the crowd from hours ago. The atmosphere was only heightened when Sunghoon made his presence known, hands carrying multiple bags of take out coffee. “Thanks for the hard work! Here’s some coffee, my treat,” loud hollers followed suit in celebration of free drinks, he bowed to those around him, lending a helping hand to carry the boxes while the drinks were taken from his hands. “I’m having a small party tomorrow night to celebrate the release of the book, and I hope every one of you will be there too. Don’t worry, food and drinks are all prepared,”

The thought of another celebration had pleased your colleagues and brightened the entire mood despite the tiredness. Coffee was passed around just as the job was done. Instead of heading home immediately, everyone chose to stay for a little more to chat and finish their coffee. You, on the other hand, lingered in a corner to arrange the books in a box. In reality, you were mostly using it as an excuse to hide and think. Turns out, Sunghoon’s words never left your head once, and the intensity of his eyes had burned itself into your memory. 

It was then you were startled by a tap on your shoulder, basically spinning around to see who it was. Speaking of the devil … Park Sunghoon stood right before you, a cup of coffee in one of his hands, the other retracted in a blink of an eye. Seeing him right after thinking about everything he had said felt like a whiplash, or quite close to a slap to your face. 

“Coffee?” he extended the coffee cup towards you, wearing a wry smile. 

You accepted his coffee, taking a quick sip to hide the embarrassment from showing on your expressions. “Thanks,” you replied, lowering the cup from your face, swallowing at the unexpected awkwardness that grew between the silence. One glance at him, you met his eyes, the silence suddenly became less uncomfortable, a smile tugged at the corner of your lips. “Hey,”

Sunghoon couldn’t help smiling, being much more transparent with you than yourself. He shook his head, amused. “Hey,” 

“Good job today, Author Park Sunghoon,” 

“You too, my dear editor,” 

The softness in his voice and the genuine smile he had shouldn’t have tugged at your heart strings, but it did, no matter how much you tried to ignore it. The moment you decided to break down the walls and opened your heart to him was when you realised there was no turning back. 

“I’m expecting you at my party tomorrow. No backing out,” he continued, pointing a finger sternly at you. 

You let out a quiet laugh, mostly at his action, totally unaware of the fact that his eyes wavered for a second, his smile faltering at the realisation that you were laughing, and it was because of him, even if it was merely a giggle. “I’ll be there, don’t you worry,”

Sunghoon cleared his throat, coughing a little to bring himself back to reality. “I can’t wait,” he was casual when saying that, but to you, it only made you wonder what exactly he meant by that. 

You bounced on the balls of your foot, hands crossed, waiting for the right time to speak your mind. It seemed the opening to that conversation was there for you. “So … that was a nice opening speech,”

Sunghoon’s eyes slowly turned wider at the realisation, recalling all the things he had said in his speech, wincing—more so cringing—that he had to be reminded of it. He was stalling, holding back and contemplating his next response. “I meant everything I said,” he inhaled sharply, searching your face for any message to decode. “This book … it’s more of a letter to you. The things I wished I said, they’re all in there,”

“I know,” you set the coffee down, your fingers lingering on the warmth of the cup, trying to steady yourself. “Of course I know, I read it all,” you heaved a breath, unable to tell if you were picking your words correctly. “You’ve got a funny way of asking for forgiveness,” you tried to smile, making an effort to lighten the tension. 

Sunghoon’s gaze softened, responding with a weak smile, but the attempt was futile once you saw him looking away, suddenly avoiding your gaze. For a moment, you could see the vulnerability and hurt in his eyes. He was no longer the confident, composed man he tried to project during his speech. Instead, he was just… Sunghoon, your Sunghoon. The man who had once meant everything to you, now standing before you, laid bare in a way that you weren’t sure how to respond to.

“It was probably a shit attempt at it, wasn’t it? I couldn’t even face you properly until this book,”

“I mean, it did somehow work, didn’t it?” 

Sunghoon’s eyes flickered up to meet yours, finding your response a complete 180 to what he had in mind, a flash of surprise crossing his features before he let out a small, self-deprecating chuckle. His shoulders seemed to relax.  

“You think so?” he asked, his voice laced with both uncertainty and a hint of hope.

You nodded, a soft smile tugging at the corner of your lips. “Yeah, I do. To be honest, I was surprised that you wrote about us in the beginning—actually, I was pissed, to be precise—but the more I read, I could tell you were trying to find a way to fix us through the characters. I’m glad you actually did try, and it wasn’t just in writing. That means something to me,”

Sunghoon stared at you for a moment, as if processing your words. He seemed to be searching for something more—more validation, more understanding—but when his gaze softened, he looked away again, as though the vulnerability was too much for him to bear at the moment. There was an unspoken desire for something that you and him shared in that second, a mutual comprehension passed through the air, which was going back to the way it always has been, to stop the awkward, uncomfortable silence and return to the times you were carefree with one another.

“I never wanted to be the guy who hurt you,” he said, his voice low, close to whisper, more so a silent confession in disguise. “I never wanted to be the one to screw things up so badly that I’d lose you. But I did, didn’t I?”

“Yeah, you did,” your answer was blunt, piercing through the stillness. Sunghoon’s gaze snapped back to you, his expression unreadable for a beat before his lips parted, as if to say something in response. But he paused, swallowing the words. Instead, he let out a slow breath, his hand reaching up to rub the back of his neck. You studied him for a split second, carefully reaching out and placing a hand lightly on his arm, a small gesture of reassurance. “But I thought we’d agree on putting it in the past, to start afresh,”

Sunghoon’s eyes softened as your hand touched his arm, the familiarity of your touch brought a sense of assurance to him, easing the tension that had built between the two of you. “You’re right. What matters most is right now, and the future,” he placed his hand on yours, a gentle smile gracing his features. “I’m just happy,”

You raised your eyebrows in question, head tilted slightly at his random outburst. “About what?”

“That we’re … us again, even if it’s not fully,”

A breath of sigh escaped your lips, a faint smile rested on your face, eyes sparkling just the slightest under the bright lights. “Took us a while, but at least we're here,”

Sunghoon nodded, his fingers brushing against yours, the intensity of his gaze was unwavering. There was a lingering spark straying in the air between you and him, the entirety of this—him being so close to you, basically holding your hand—was far from casual. If anything, it was hard to ignore the sound of your heart beating hard in your chest, or that tingling sensation up your spine. 

“H–hey, this coffee’s pretty good,” you slipped your hand away from his touch, turning your head to the other side so that he wouldn’t see you panicking. Heat crept up on the back of your neck, spreading to your cheeks, painting you a blushing mess. It was a curse to be too aware of what’s happening to you. “So, tomorrow’s party. What time does it start?”

“Seven,” Sunghoon replied simply, squinting his eyes at you, noticing your change in behaviour. He got closer to you, leaning in to scrutinise your face, unaware of the gap barely existing between you and him. “Are you okay—”

“Great! Fantastic, actually,” you breathed out, forcing out a laugh to cover the fact that you were far from just ‘okay’. “I’ll see you tomorrow, alright? I need to finish some stuff and head home. Great job today,”

“You don’t seem that great—” Sunghoon stood firmly with his deduction, only to be met with your dismissiveness. Unlike you, he was blissfully oblivious to the effect his insignificant actions had on you, and that it wasn’t just a friendly interaction between two ‘friends’.

“I’ll get going now, bye!” you held tightly onto your coffee, waving at him with a tight lipped smile. 

“Bye?” That was the last thing you heard before slipping into a storage room, the confusion in his voice still ringing in your ears. You left a very dumbfounded Sunghoon stranded, all to find yourself breathless after the whole conversation that seemed to have sucked out every bit of your social energy.

The realisation has finally hit you and was slowly sinking in. This was the first time you felt your heart racing again after years, the type where you get giddy and nervous over a small interaction till the point it becomes hard to breathe. That was what Sunghoon did to you, your first love, your first heartbreak, and the first to mend your broken heart once more. 

Just as quick as your hatred grew over the years, the feelings you had for him were equally fast in returning back, the same feeling that never once left, staying stubbornly rooted, waiting for you to discover it again. 

You would admit, Sunghoon did pick a perfect place to have his private party. That wasn’t the point though. The focus was mainly on the restaurant being the favourite restaurant that you and Sunghoon would go to in your high school years. This time around, you had access to the bar unlike before, which seemed to be forever ago. That showed how long you’ve been avoiding places which reminded you of him, something you wouldn’t admit to.

The place was the same as you remembered, the dim lighting accompanied by jazz music playing in the background, the entire venue provided an ambiance that proved to be the reason why you loved it there in the first place. It was hard to deny that you were feeling nostalgic the moment you stepped in, bringing back many memories whether you liked it or not. 

On the way to the private room, you walked past the spot that you and him claimed, a table by a large window. The memory of you dragging Sunghoon here every weekend, hogging the spot by the window, ordering a set meal to share came rushing into your mind. Mixed emotions bubbled in the depths of your heart, secretly longing for those great old days to return even if you knew it was impossible. However, it was possible to start something new now that you weren’t on bad terms with him, and that was how you remained hopeful. 

You were brought back to reality once you realised you had stopped in your tracks, staring blankly at the empty table, reminiscing about your past like an idiot. Embarrassed, you rushed away and found the private room while cringing without a pause, finally feeling more relieved when you saw your friends and colleagues. 

“Hey!” Yunjin wrapped an arm around your shoulder, pulling you into a low effort side hug to which you reciprocated. The mood in this room was similar to the outside. The same dim lighting complimented by a soft background music, trays of food already prepared, catered by the restaurant itself. There was a banner hung 

“Look who’s here, our dear editor,” her attempt to hype you up was responded with cheers from the group, earning an exasperated eye roll from you. “Enjoy this party, okay? You’ve worked hard,”

You had indeed worked hard for this book. Having to put up with the realisation that it was written about you, then needing to deal with your ex in the whole process of it, you surely deserved a Pulitzer prize just for your efforts. You simply nodded at her words, knowing that nobody here would ever find out about the truth behind the story in Sunghoon’s book and the experience you went through because of it.

“I’m going to go grab a drink, excuse me,” you smiled politely at the rest of them, then carefully escaped from the circle of your colleagues and out of the door, releasing a breath of relief that you didn’t know you were holding in. Walking out into the open space of the restaurant, it was much busier and larger than you recalled it to be.  

You settled yourself into a stool, glancing around and seeing most of the seats were occupied mainly in pairs. Were you the only one alone here? More reasons to be drinking. Being completely lost in thought and spacing out at the bartender making drinks for the customers prior to you, you didn’t notice a figure slipping into the seat next to you, sneaking a glance at you and proceeding to follow your line of sight.

“They’re a bit busy, aren’t they?” 

You didn’t even flinch at the sudden intrusion, already knowing who it was without needing a second guess. Turning your body to face the person next to you, you stared at him with a deadpan expression, completely unfazed. “Hey,” Sunghoon greeted you softly, smiling sweetly at you, as if your presence had graced him, disregarding the pointed look you shot at him. 

“I didn’t see you just now,” 

Sunghoon pursed his lips, resting both his arms on the counter, leaning into it, shying away from your gaze for unknown reasons. “I was walking around here,”

“Leaving your own party?”

A snort came from him in response, the corners of his lips were pulled higher than a second ago. He was amused, shaking his head at you. “I came here to relive the same feeling I had years ago,” a second of silence passed, as if he was letting his words sink further into the open wound. “The same feeling I have whenever I’m with you,”

You couldn’t tell if your heart skipping a beat was a normal reaction or whether it should be one. However, one thing’s for sure, it wasn’t something that occurred to you on a daily basis. There was a hint of unspoken yearning buried deep in those pupils of his, the additional mention of the past only brought a shift in atmosphere around the two of you. “I walked past our table,”

You were unconsciously holding your breath in, waiting for his reaction, unknowingly looking forward to what he has to say. He didn’t respond immediately, seemingly deep in thought at that fleeting moment, an unreadable smile on his face. “So did I,” he shifted in his seat, adjusting to his comfort, his body was now facing towards you more. “It’s still the same as before,”

“I remember those times we were here,” you said slowly, tip-toeing on the edge, testing the waters to make sure it was safe enough for you to dive into the topic. “I would drag you here so many times till the point where it became our go-to dating spot. You didn’t even try to fight me about it and accepted it,” you couldn’t stop yourself from smiling at the mention of those fond moments, letting a genuine, wide smile naturally creep itself onto your lips.

Sunghoon never once took his eyes off of you, scared that even if he blinked for just a second, he would miss the look of your smile, the carefree smile that you allowed yourself to express around him unlike before. His attention squared in on you, memorising every part of you like life depended on him to do so. “I remember,” he nodded mostly to himself, pressing his lips in a flat line. “I knew I stood no chance anyway,” he laughed, resisting the urge to fully burst out laughing at the change in your reaction. 

You crossed your arms, scoffing, but still remained a lighthearted smile. “Hey! You’re saying it like I forced you,” 

Sunghoon shrugged, choosing to rest his head on his hand, the look in his eyes were unwavering, making you gradually turn smaller under his gaze. You couldn’t describe it, yet you knew it was there, existing in the air. There was something between you and him in that second, in that conversation, and it was far from being just a casual talk. “I just wanted to be wherever you were,”

His words hung heavily in the space between the two of you, almost uncomfortably so, adding another layer to the thick tension that seemed impossible to get rid of. It shouldn’t hit you hard, the simplicity of his words shouldn’t be something you interpreted differently, but the only thing it did was sink deeply into your skin, prickling you just the same as needles did. 

He searched your face for any sign of a response, whatever it could be, but you failed to react, both physically and verbally. Your mind betrayed your senses, rendering you helpless against Sunghoon, against your fragile heart. There was desperation painted in the edges of every feature, calling out for you to give him a sign, any sign, to assure him that he hadn’t crossed any invisible line.

You opened your mouth, wishing you had a proper response ready, but in reality, you had no idea what you could say to him. He was the same person you were with in this restaurant many years ago, yet it only seemed you were sitting with someone you could barely breathe around. You realised it then, a picture clear as light, that no matter how you tried to start afresh with him, you couldn't brush off your past together, not when deep connections and feelings were still present. 

“Excuse me, what would you two like to order?”

Your attempt at trying to say something was futile. A part of you was glad that you were interrupted by the bartender, the other part just wished you had the courage to reply to him instead of freezing and cowering whenever he makes your heart jump. The bartender’s appearance was the only chance you had in breaking eye contact with Sunghoon, diffusing the heavy load pressing in on you, releasing a shaky breath. 

“One cosmopolitan and one scotch on the rocks,” Sunghoon stole a glance at you, noticing your expressions falling, deciding to take the initiative to order on your behalf. He casted another look at you, seeking approval to which you nodded in validation, mind already wandered off to someplace else. That wasn’t what surprised you, in fact, it was him knowing your usual drink order despite barely drinking together. 

The bartender wasted no seconds in getting to work, leaving you and him alone once again to bask in the aftermath of the conversation. There was a moment of silence weighing on the both of you, waiting for either one to break it. You chose to be that person, wanting to fix the cracks you caused for turning everything into an uncomfortable mess. 

“How … How did you know? My order, I mean,” 

Sunghoon shrugged, leaning his weight onto the counter, keeping both his arms resting on the surface of it. He remained facing forward, not immediate in turning back to look at you. “The team dinner. You ordered a cocktail, and Yunjin said ‘again?’, then I heard you saying it’s your usual order,” he stated plainly, as if it was common information that everyone should know. “You’ve always drunk the mocktail version of it when we were together too. How could I forget …” his voice faltered, fading into the faint chatters around you. 

“Right,” you breathed out, fiddling with your fingers, keeping your gaze on him, even if he wasn’t ready to meet yours. “You …” you stopped, the words were suddenly stuck in the back of your throat, hesitating to come out. “You still remember everything about me, even after all these years apart,”

Sunghoon didn’t say anything at first, waiting for a few seconds to pass slowly, agonisingly, silently suffering in his head while you couldn’t find a way into it. He dropped his head, breathing in deeply to fill his lungs with air, ignoring the way his heart clenched. He finally turned his head, meeting your eyes that were begging for a reply. A weak, half smile was all he could muster. “Of course I do,”

I still love you.

Those words automatically translated themselves into your head. The same sorrow, grief, and even longing hung in his voice, cutting deep into your heart. You stared at him, recalling the last time you were here with him, innocently thinking that everything would last in the future. If only you could turn back in time to tell yourself that you would be sitting with him in uncomfortable silence instead, looking at each other for some sort of a sign that never worked.

“Here are your drinks,” the bartender cut in, placing your drinks down in front of you, the pink of your cocktail shined under the lights hanging over your head. You and Sunghoon both expressed your thanks in return, hands reaching out for your drinks and wasting no time to take a big gulp of them. 

Setting your glass down, you stole another glance at Sunghoon, watching his face scrunching up at the strong taste of his whiskey, a quiet hiss followed after. You never knew Sunghoon would be a guy who likes whiskey, it was something you couldn’t picture. It only made you wonder what else you did not know about him, what he grew to like or hate over the years, or if he was still fully the Sunghoon that you personally knew. 

“So, how were your years in America?”

Sunghoon pulled a face, both a reaction to your random question and also a response signalling that it wasn’t a positive experience. He sighed, using one finger to trace the mouth of his glass. “Lonely, I guess?” He wore a smile that was enough to tell that there weren’t many happy memories regarding his years abroad. “Truthfully, I never really connected to the people, the culture and the country. I figured my heart was still stuck here,”

You nodded, absorbing his emotions like a sponge, feeling a tinge of sympathy for him. Those years of cursing him and holding a severe grudge against him, you’d never once thought that he was hurting too, that he had to go through something he didn’t want in the first place. The resentment was built up from the lack of knowing and misunderstanding. Years, valuable years were wasted over being kept in the dark. “I wonder how things would’ve turned out if you never left,”

Sunghoon partially stiffened, not expecting the topic of possibilities to be thrown into his face, a sensitive subject that he often mulled over about. “It would’ve been different. For starters, we wouldn’t be here talking about what-ifs,” he laughed, though it was weak. “I couldn’t settle down. It was hard, knowing that I left many people I care about here,” there it was again, a pause that made you hold your breath, counting down seconds till his next word. “And that I left you too,”

You offered a brief smile, one that fell just as quick as it appeared, finding yourself having no energy to try and fake one. The hurt in your eyes mirrored his, the difference lied with the reason behind it. “What matters most is that we’re both here now, right?” your hand unintentionally crept closer to his, twitching in wishful thinking that you could just hold him, even for a second.

“You’re right,” he hummed in agreement, the look of affection flashed across his expression for a quick second, just in time for you to be totally oblivious to it. “At our favourite spot too,”

“Well, cheers to that.” you held up your drink, staring expectantly at him. He chuckled at your actions, finding it rather amusing. A genuine smile pulled at his lips, he held his glass up, clinking it with yours to produce a short-lived sound. Shared laughter poured from the two of you, mixing into the taste of your drinks, the unbearable atmosphere from earlier on was long forgotten.

The night was young as everyone would say, just like your coworkers who yelled for more drinks once you and Sunghoon returned. Nobody questioned it, neither did they notice you and him disappearing for a strangely long time. You were certain, no one else could sense the lingering yearning you grew to have after your drinking session with him, or the way you stared at him from across the room for longer than a second, minutes even. 

Everyone was oblivious, too engrossed in the luxury of partying to take a hint, while you and Sunghoon were overly aware of each other and the burning ache you had for one another. 

Sunghoon has been officially reintroduced back into your life as days go by. Before you knew it, he had imprinted himself onto your day-to-day life, returning to the times where his presence alone was a norm to you. You didn’t question it when he picked you up from work, called you out for lunch or even dropped by your house for a casual dinner. None of those seemed out of the ordinary to you anymore, though it did take months for you to get used to the dynamic.

“So, what are you writing nowadays?” It was another Friday evening in Sunghoon’s car, sitting in the passenger seat after work, contemplating your choices for dinner. You looked over at him, watching him maintaining his concentration on the road ahead, taking more than a minute to process your question.

He raised his eyebrows, pursing his lips, thinking of his response. “I haven’t been writing. Well, not yet,”

“No wonder you have so much time to pick me up for dinner,” you snarkily muttered, feeling his eyes roll without having to confirm it personally. 

“Is this your way of thanking me?”

“I’m very grateful for my personal driver, Park Sunghoon,” you said dryly, poking his shoulder teasingly, stifling your giggles. Sunghoon took a brief glance at you, but he said nothing in return, shaking his head and smiling to himself. “Where are we going now? It’s a bit too early for dinner,”

“It’s a place I’ve been wanting to go for a long time,”

You frowned, confused at the lack of information and vagueness behind his reply. “What?”

“It’s a botanical garden. I heard the flowers are blooming,” 

The confusion in your face didn’t entirely dissipate, only increasing at the fact that he had a whole plan to bring you to a garden in the first place. This was completely out of character for him, you didn’t recall him being someone who liked gardens or nature. “Are you … stressed?”

“Why’s that your first assumption? I’ve just been doing some thinking, that’s all,” his fingers drummed slowly on the steering wheel, the music in the background seemed to be drowned out the longer your conversation went on. “I’m fine,” he turned to cast a reassuring smile, a sign asking for you to trust him and move on from the topic. “I was thinking we could get some fresh air and a nice scenery,”

“You sure do have many things up your sleeve.”

Sunghoon didn’t say anything in response, merely shrugging with a silent smile on his face. You glanced out of the window, letting the music overtake the space between you and him, watching the evening sun slowly set now that it was spring. Thinking back to last spring, everything you were experiencing currently was a complete one-eighty to then, you wouldn’t even be sitting with Sunghoon in his car at that time.

The chilly air bit at your skin, the only warmth provided was from Sunghoon as he walked closely next to you, shoulders occasionally bumping each other, but neither of you dared to acknowledge it. Even with the sun hiding behind the horizon and sunlight was scarce, the flowers in bloom were as beautiful as you had in mind. 

“Thanks for bringing me here,” you kept your eyes trained on the flowers and plants you walked past, not sparing a glance at him. You were afraid that if you did, that if you met his gaze for just a second, you might not be able to contain some hidden emotions that you’ve been trying so hard to hold back.

“What’s with the sudden gratitude?”

“No idea, I’m just grateful that you bring me to places that I thought I’ll never go to,” you stopped in your tracks, right by a small land planted with tulips of different colours. “I get to experience new things with you all the time,” you turned to face him, a genuine smile accompanied by your sparkling eyes was enough for his heart to swell in satisfaction, though he did not let it show on his expressions.

“I’m glad then,” he hummed, staring at the tulips with newfound interest, unfazed by your lingering eyes at him. “They’re really pretty,” he nodded at the flowers, the variation of colours were dimmed down by the dark, but it happened to be oddly more fascinating under the street light.

“Yeah, they are,” You wished, at that moment, in that split second, that you could tear your eyes off of him. He was just as delicate as those tulips, the prettiest you’ve ever seen. Spellbound, that was what you were. Your heart was only increasing in speed, inconsistently skipping a beat at the thought of him. How long were you and him going to stay in this state where the lines between being friends and lovers were blurred?

He seemed to sense the energy coming off of you, or maybe it was your unwavering gaze that pierced into his soul. Turning his face, he met your eyes at the right moment, an electric wave passing through the air around you. “Why are you staring at me like that?”

Freezing like a deer in headlights, you realised he had caught you in the middle of the act. You were shameless, but thoroughly embarrassed, feigning ignorance that he could possibly see through. “Huh? Like w–what?”

“I don’t know,” he was relentless, even if he didn’t say it, you could feel his stare on you, pressing you to fess up. Classic Sunghoon, he knew what he was doing and he enjoyed teasing you, the grin on his face was clear evidence. 

“It’s just because—” you paused, fighting inner thoughts to come up with an excuse. Seeing the smug look on his face while he stared expectantly at you for your answer was close enough to induce an annoyed eye roll in you that you managed to hold back. “I’m cold,”

Sunghoon tilted his head to one side, making a face that sent a clear message: he wasn’t fully convinced. Nevertheless, he didn’t sound it out, wordlessly peeling the scarf off his neck, then proceeded to wrap it around yours. An action as simple as this shouldn’t have caused you to freeze, automatically holding your breath until it ended, but it did. 

“Why didn’t you bring an extra layer? You don’t do well with the cold anyway,” he focused on fixing the scarf properly before averting his eyes back to you, to meet yours, a hint of sincere worry along with disapproval in them. A gust of wind that came after brushing against the strands of his hair softly, the mole on his nose resembled a lone star in the sky.

“You’d be cold too,” your hand flew to the scarf, mindlessly touching it, as if you were still in disbelief that he had personally put it on you. 

“I’ll be fine,” he waved your concerns away, shifting on his feet. “How about we get out of here and have dinner?” he threw an arm around your shoulder, an action so natural as if it was a muscle memory, slowly moving you away from the flowers and back onto the walking path.

“Sounds good.” All you remembered from that moment on was an awakened feeling which made its presence loud and known, staying with you for longer than you thought: love. It was quietly creeping up on you and waiting for its turn to get into action. The urge was becoming stronger as time passed. With Sunghoon’s being there in your daily life, you could barely avoid him, holding back was just a torture. 

The torment was becoming worse when he sent you home that night, relentlessly denying your rejection in walking you to your door till the point where you had to give up for the sake of avoiding an argument. He was stubborn, adamant that he was going to see you safely go. Sunghoon was making it harder for you to escape his grasp, even though he was completely unaware of your internal turmoil that struggled to come to terms with your actual feelings.

“Thanks for walking me back. You didn’t have to, genuinely,” you were at your doorstep. It was already late, the corridor was empty, leaving you and Sunghoon to some privacy. He shrugged, hands in his pockets, posture relaxed.

“I want to, Y/N,” he said earnestly, shaking his head at you, occasionally averting his gaze away. “Let me do this for you, okay?”

“I don’t want to trouble you,”

“How is it troubling to me when I never once complained,” he raised an eyebrow at you, trying his best to get his point across. You knew he was right, there was no chance for you to fight that. After all, he was the one insisting. It was you that wasn’t used to his act of service, though it’s been the same since you first knew him. 

“Fine. You win,” you scoffed, yet your smile betrayed the annoyance in your voice. The staring game you had with him lasted longer than it should have. You could point out every delicate feature of his that you liked from the top of your head with the way his face was basically imprinted on your mind. That was when you realised his scarf was still wrapped around your neck, giving you an excuse to look away from him. “Oh, I just remembered,”

You grabbed onto the scarf, pulling it off of you in a swift motion, but instead of giving it back to him immediately, you took a step forward, closing the distance between you and him. Sunghoon didn’t move, barely budging one bit, his eyes following your every move like a hawk, breathing turning more shallow as seconds passed, anticipating your next move. 

You ignored the sound of your heart pumping noisily in your ears, trying your hardest to avoid his gaze, focusing on the scarf alone, moving your hands quickly to wrap his scarf around his neck, making a loop to secure it tightly on him. Even then, you didn’t dare to look at him, choosing to turn your head towards the empty corridor. “Your … scarf,” you didn't remove your hand from the cloth that was properly placed around his neck right away, another additional layer creating a barrier to his heart. 

“Thanks,” Sunghoon said slowly, his eyes searching fervently for yours, only to be avoided at every given chance. He could feel the heaviness weighing in the air, an invisible string tied around the two of you was getting tighter, pulling you closer to him. A chill ran up your spine when you felt his stare intensifying, as if he was desperately calling for you to stop avoiding his eyes. “Hey,” he whispered, drawing your attention back to him. “Look at me,” 

His words were a powerful command despite his gentle tone, convincing you to follow without a second thought. You met his eyes, blinking faster as if it could magically make him disappear. Those brown irises stared back at you with furrowed eyebrows, wandering every crevice of your face until he could find the reason behind your avoidance. “What’s wrong? Are you okay?”

“I’m fine. I really am,” you assured him, attempting to sound as believable as you could, adding a smile to the equation so that he wouldn’t question you further. It was true, you were flustered simply because of him, and no, you didn’t want him to know, but it was hard for you to hide. “I should go, shouldn’t I?” you were about to drop your hand from his scarf, but his hand appeared, grabbing onto yours, holding it close to his heart.

“Stay. Just a little longer,” his voice was low, a quiet confession escaping his lips no matter how he tried to hold it in.  

A genuine smile replaced the one you forced earlier, pulling the slightest chuckle out of you. “I’ll be seeing you tomorrow anyway,”

“But it’s different tonight,”

So, you weren’t overthinking all along. There was truly something in the air at that moment, undeniable and alive, forcing you and him to acknowledge it even if you didn’t want to. From the second you stepped onto that garden with him, you knew you were in deep trouble. Those feelings you suppressed for months, denying their truth, had only returned to bite back at you. It was then you rightfully realised it: you still had feelings for Sunghoon. You still loved him, but you were scared, terrified that you had missed your chance considering months had passed.

You decided to do something that you could never imagine yourself doing in a million years. Taking advantage of the situation along with the momentary silence, you leaned in, inching your face closer to his, letting everything occur naturally. Sunghoon has always been sharp, quick to get the memo, this was another testament to that fact. Closing his eyes, he tilted his head, bending his body just enough for you to reach him without any challenge. 

This was it. You were about to kiss Park Sunghoon. The months worth of built up tension, silent cries of desperation, a hidden confession you couldn’t bring yourself to say, all of those were going to be melted into this kiss. A kiss that wasn’t as simple as it seemed to be. Instead, it was a promise, a seal to an end to the push and pull that the two of you were stuck in. Just a little bit more, you could practically feel his lips—

“Y/N! What are you doing out there?” the voice of your roommate, Minjeong came from behind the door. Unexpectedly so, the door was ripped open after, your soon-to-be-evicted roommate was standing there, hand on one side of her hip, staring accusingly at you and Sunghoon as though you were guilty of a crime. 

You pushed yourself from Sunghoon, slipping your hand from his, almost choking on your spit from how fast you tried to remove any remnants of the ‘almost kiss’. The suspicions were only more obvious, but you couldn’t be bothered to care about that, thoroughly embarrassed and cringing on Sunghoon’s behalf. Being caught by a roommate wasn’t a bad thing, unless that roommate happened to be Minjeong, your best friend that cussed your ex out, and also listened to your endless rants about him. Now, that was the problem.

“Minjeong, hey,” your tone was the complete opposite to your eyes that were furiously shooting daggers at her. “This isn’t the right time to appear,” you mumbled quietly to her, nodding over at Sunghoon without being too obvious. Disappointment with a pinch of confusion was what you could describe her expression at that precise moment, withholding any judgements that were saved for later. “I’ll come in after I say my goodbyes, okay?”

Minjeong had no other choice but to close the door even though it was written all over her face that she was against the idea of leaving you alone with Sunghoon. Once you heard the door closing behind you, that was only when you let out a sigh of relief. Facing Sunghoon again made you wish a massive black hole would appear to swallow you up. He, on the other hand, was smiling at you. Whether it was out of awkwardness or he was just secretly laughing at you, there was no telling which one it was. 

“Sorry about that. She has really … bad timings,” you bit the insides of your cheek, fiddling with your fingers anxiously. Kissing him meant no return, but a close call of a kiss was far worse when you could barely explain yourself.

“It’s nothing. She’s probably worried about you,” Sunghoon shook his head, offering an assuring smile that did nothing to soothe your anxiousness. Well, there was your attempt at going for a kiss that ended up in a ditch. “Don’t worry about it,” his eyes flickered between your fidgeting hands and your face, noticing the change in your expressions. He reached for your hands, holding them tightly in his. It was sudden, but not too surprising. “I know,”

You looked up at him, a glint of hope sparked in your eyes, your heart picking up speed, threatening to escape your chest. He … knew? Sunghoon was unwavering, a look of determination flashing across his features. “I know,” he repeated, doing everything he could to ease your worries. Even with the lack of explanations, you understood him, needing no more than that to know he has been aware of you and your heart all along. “Let’s talk about this tomorrow, okay?”  

“Alright,” you squeezed his hands, a way of thanking him and also for a seek of reassurance. “Let’s leave this for a proper time,” 

Sunghoon nodded, rubbing his thumb softly against your skin. “It’s getting late. You should get going. I think Minjeong is too protective over you,”

You scoffed, the thought of your roommate only haunted you with those new memories. “She just needs some time,” you were referring to the time at the bar where she nearly skinned Sunghoon alive if you hadn’t interfered at the right moment. Who knew what she would’ve done with her out of her mind? “Anyway, goodnight. Text me when you’re home.”

“I will. Goodnight, Y/N.” 

Minjeong was relentless, practically hunting you down for every single information possible once you entered your supposedly safe home. She was still mildly unconvinced about Sunghoon even though she was willing to hear you out, worried he might break your heart once more. Instead, you were convinced you were the one breaking your own heart from holding back longer. 

There were many things you were scared about when it came to starting a relationship once more, fearing the existing uncertainties and doubts hidden behind the curtains to stand in the way of you and Sunghoon. However, there was one thing you were wholeheartedly certain about, and that was you loving Sunghoon in every stage of life.  

You were a mess.

Ever since that night, you were sure you had left many things hanging and unsaid. The kiss that was meant to happen turned into dust right before you, making the complications between you and Sunghoon worse than it originally was. Not to mention, you haven't seen Sunghoon since then either. The promise of seeing each other the next day went into the gutters when the two of you were coincidentally roped into matters from your jobs. It didn’t stop there. Your busy lives resulted in days of not seeing each other, taking a turn from your usual routine.

Truthfully, there were times where you wanted to pour your heart out over a text message. The overwhelming thoughts you had accumulated in the days you and him were apart was eating you alive. ‘Hey … I think I like you’ surely, a message such as that wasn’t going to suffice. You were stuck in a limbo, going back and forth between having the confidence of confessing to none. In a nutshell, you were petrified out of your mind to face your fear: coming to terms with your feelings. 

Tossing and turning in bed has become a habit when the worries seem to pile up with time. You still had the last message of Sunghoon stuck in your mind as you lay awake, considering the meanings behind it that you were convinced you were overthinking about. ‘Let’s meet tomorrow, no more excuses this time, it’s a must’ since when did he turn into such a clingy person? Or was there some ulterior motives hiding up his sleeves this time around?

You slipped out of bed, pulled a hoodie over your head and headed straight for the front door. It was an impulsive decision to be leaving the comforts of your home in the middle of the night, you knew that, but you also needed some fresh air to think. Your feet brought you to a spot you’ve neglected for a long time, the overhead bridge close to your home. It has been years since you last crossed it, either choosing the long way to walk or drive just so you could avoid the memories resurfacing. 

The overhead bridge was the place you would often cross to head home when you were in highschool. Coincidentally, you and Sunghoon were connected by that bridge. He lived on the other side of it, creating many excuses that walking home with you was on his way home as well, knowing it was the complete opposite, but eventually you gave in, which ended in you and him going on many adventures after school. At the end of every day, your time with him ended on that overhead bridge, though you spent at least half an hour purely talking before going your separate ways. 

Now that you were there again, you found it much surreal that years have passed and nothing has changed. It was as if the memories you made there with Sunghoon were frozen in time, that this place has become an artifact which proves the existence of you and Sunghoon’s relationship. Just by standing there, you could see every scenario you experienced playing out right in front you. There was once where you and Sunghoon did nothing but just share your secrets until the time of your curfew arrived.

“You’re here?”

You wondered if you had accidentally thought about Sunghoon too hard to the extent of you vividly hearing his voice in your head. Overlooking the quiet cars passing by on the road under the bridge, you didn’t turn your head immediately, listening carefully to the sounds of footsteps approaching first, only then you dared to look over to the direction of the source. 

“You’re here too,” your eyes weren’t tricking you, even though you doubted yourself for a second. His figure in the dark was dimly illuminated by the street lights, the familiar rhythm in his steps exposed himself to you. He stood beside you, resting his arms on the railings, staring up at the night sky.

“I couldn’t sleep,” he replied, shoulder brushing gently against yours, mindlessly leaning closer to you. “I thought of coming here. I live near my old home anyway,” he shrugged, averting his attention back to you, an intensely inquisitive look flashing across his face. “What’s your reason?”

“I needed to think,” about you, about us, specifically. 

“Something’s keeping you up?” 

“Well …”

“Or is it someone?”

He surely knew how to read minds, didn’t he? 

You masked the initial shock from showing, covering the guilt of hiding the truth and turning it into impassiveness. However, your silence with the addition of avoiding his gaze gave away the impression that you were, in fact, hiding something from him. He could read you like a book, painfully so. 

“I’m right, aren’t I?” Sunghoon continued to egg you on, crossing his arms, moving his face closer to fix his eyes on you, scanning your expressions to determine an answer. “Is it someone at work causing trouble?”

“Not exactly. There’s no one, Sunghoon. I’m just worried about work,” you waved him off dismissively, hating that the person you had in mind happened to be the same person questioning you as well. Sunghoon leaned back a little more, creating a small space between you and him compared to earlier.

“You’re not seeing anyone?”

You raised an eyebrow at that, frowning just the slightest. “No. Are you?”

He shook his head, exhaling quietly. “I don’t think I’m interested,”

“What does that mean? You’re going to stay single forever?” you teased him, nudging him a little, yet internally, you contemplated the meaning behind his words. Did you truly lose your chance?

“It means, I’m not looking for anything now. Well, at least I haven’t found the right person anyway,” he shook his head, sounding equally dismissive as you did. “How … Why did you think of coming here out of all places? I thought there’s a nice park below your apartment complex,” he was quick to change the topic at hand, although you found it odd, you didn’t complain. You didn’t want to know more when your heart was already fragile because of your worries over him.

“I thought it’d be nice to revisit an old place,” you breathed in deeply, appreciating the quietness of the night, leaving you and Sunghoon in your own bubble, the world seemingly revolving around only the both of you. “I haven’t been here in many years,” 

“So, did coming here after all these years somehow cleared your mind?”

“Not exactly,” you were being completely truthful this time. With Sunghoon’s sudden appearance and the resurgence of old memories, you were far from sane and having your mind straight. However, him showing up right at the moment of you thinking about him was a sign and also a confirmation to your everlasting questions. “But I did find an answer,”

“Oh, really? That’s good then,” Sunghoon glanced away, unaware of your eyes lingering on him, focusing on the way his chest moved up then down, letting the comfortable silence engulf you and him. You didn’t mind the fact that his side was basically pressing into yours, the warmth from his body provided an invisible blanket wrapped around you. The sudden sound of a yawn coming from him disrupted the ambiance, his sheepish grin met your amused chuckle.

“Ready to sleep?”

“Seems like it,” he let out a genuine laugh, looking a little apologetic. Sunghoon rested his head on his arms, glancing up at you, a soft twinkle in those eyes as if you were his world, cradling you in the reflection of his pupils so that you wouldn’t leave his sight for even just a second. “I’m not ready to leave yet,”

“We’ll see each other tomorrow anyway, you demanded it,” you pointed a finger at him, watching his smile turn wider at your direct call out. “Do you have something planned?”

“Of course, I do. Who do you think I am?” he was confident in whatever he had in mind, the smugness in his face said it all. You could see it wearing off in just a split second, letting a slip of his actual emotions. “I thought it could make up for the days we didn’t see each other,”

You blinked mindlessly, allowing the meaning of his words to marinate in your mind, processing the weight of it all. Flickering eyes stared back at him, you put on a nervous smile that was trying its best to hide the fact that you were panicking about the urge to say something you wouldn’t. “You’re acting like we’re something,”

Sunghoon shrugged, raising his eyebrows at you, not showing much of a change in his expressions. “But we’re not exactly nothing, aren’t we?”

“Touche,” you nodded, suddenly grateful that it was mostly dark enough to hide the flush in your face. “Get your beauty sleep tonight, I’ll see you in the morning. It’s the weekend, you should be sleeping in,”

Sunghoon straightened his spine, holding onto the railings, shifting on his feet. “Fine, fine,” he was rather reluctant, doing double takes between the night scenery before him and you, his eternal sunshine. “So, I guess this is a goodbye for the night,” he tilted his head slightly, staring at you with a sense of hesitation, as though he wasn’t ready to part.

“It’s a temporary goodbye, don’t be dramatic,” you clicked your tongue, narrowing your eyes at him.  

Sunghoon laughed softly, mostly humoured by your reaction. He lowered his gaze onto the floor for a few seconds, hiding the affection that filled his irises, before he met your eyes once more, an unreadable look took over instead. “Goodnight, Y/N,”

You smiled, a sudden wave of deja vu hit you, the memory of your past coming back to you in a rush. There you were, at the same place, together with the person that was there by your side years ago, an identical replay of your nightly routine where you bid each other goodbye before parting ways. 

“Goodnight, Sunghoon.”

Sunghoon slowly nodded, taking a few steps back, his eyes never leaving you once. He raised his hand, waving goodbye, to which you reciprocated, an uneasy feeling creeping up on you knowing you had yet left things incomplete, the things you wished you said were buried in your heart again. The moment he turned his back on you, you wondered if you had missed your chance of saying what’s on your mind.

From wanting to settle your emotions quietly, and very much alone somehow turned into an answer that was always there for you to discover and realise: you were not going to let Sunghoon slip away again. You opened your mouth, hoping something, anything would just come out and pull him back, but there was nothing. He was getting farther, with every step he took, you followed, your feet instinctively bringing you closer to him, your heart naturally seeking for him.

“I love you,”

The eight letter word poured out from the deepest parts of your soul, reaching his heart through a single thread connecting you and him together. It wasn’t the first thing you had in mind, and yet, your heart confessed the secret it's been holding onto for far too long. You stopped in your tracks just as Sunghoon did, the silence becoming deafening when neither of you said anything in response. You couldn’t tell what he was thinking, hell, his face wasn’t even facing you. There was only room for you to imagine his reaction in that fleeting moment. 

“I love you,” you repeated, a little more louder this time, as if saying it once wasn’t convincing enough. In your case, you were still in denial that it ever left your lips. Lowering your head, you could only place your attention on the ground, not having enough courage to face him. “I thought that if I don’t say it now, I’ll never get to say it again. I’ve been thinking about us, and I didn’t want to lose another chance, another year without you. I was scared I’ll lose you completely, that your heart would be someone else’s—”

Heavy footsteps cut through your voice, a sense of urgency followed with every step taken to get to you. You couldn’t finish your sentence, mind instantly turning blank when you saw his shoes directly in front of you. Still, you didn’t look up, you couldn’t bring yourself to, not until Sunghoon’s hands met the side of your face, palms resting gently on your cheeks, tilting your head upward, lips crashing into yours without any prior warning.

The initial shock gradually withered away, you closed your eyes, letting yourself melt into him. The walls were no longer there, you had fully, wholly given your heart to him, no longer afraid of him breaking it again. The feeling of his lips wasn’t something you’d forget easily. An overwhelming amount of desperation, longing, and love that the both of you had were silently exchanged, the vulnerability was raw, finally understanding that you could fully love one another without anything standing in between, not even the past and the grudges it held.

A choked sob left your lips, the tears were flowing before you could find the strength to hold it in. Sunghoon only deepened the kiss, pulling your trembling body closer to him. There was a weight of his emotions as his lips moved against yours, you could feel it, the desperation of his own to heal whatever pain that was inside of you. 

You pulled away for a moment, gasping for air, the heaviness in your heart becoming more apparent, the tears flowing down your cheeks were met with Sunghoon’s thumb, softly caressing the expanse of your face, wiping away the tears that brought pain to his heart. “I thought I was okay, but I’m not. I’m still in love with you, Sunghoon. I’ve always wanted to tell you this, but I couldn’t find the right time, and I was scared I’d lose you … again,”

Sunghoon stared at you with an infinite amount of admiration, as if you were the sun in his darkest days or the prettiest painting in an art museum, the only person that was made for him, an undoubtable fact that he was wholeheartedly certain about. You were his past, his present, and his future, a mark in every timeline there is in his lifetime. “I love you too. I haven’t stopped loving you, and I don’t think I ever will. You’re my person, you’ll never lose me,”

His eyes were red, brimming with tears, but he didn’t allow a tear to fall, maintaining a smile, though it was weak. You held onto his hand, feeling it shake under your touch. Intertwining his fingers with yours, you gave his hand a reassuring squeeze. “You’re my person too,”

“I wish … I wish I could give you back the years you’ve spent resenting me,” his voice was weak, defenceless against the emotions that overwhelmed him. “I wish I could’ve been there, so that you didn’t have to be in pain because of me,”

“It’s okay, Sunghoon, really. The past can’t hurt us anymore, and it doesn’t define us either,” your hand travelled to his face, cupping his cheek. “What matters most is we’re us again,”

Sunghoon breathed deeply, letting out a shaky breath. His eyes flickered, a faint smile appearing in the midst of his tired face. “So, does that mean we’re officially back together?”

“Yes, we are. Back to how it always was,”

He slipped his hand away from yours, instead, he threw his arms around you, pulling you into his embrace, holding onto you tightly. A part of him was scared that everything was just a dream, that you would disappear in any moment. “You’ll always be a part of me, a part that cannot ever be erased,”

“That’s good, because you also make up a big part of my heart.”

His laugh was enough to erase the bittersweet pain that you felt from erasing the past and starting a new path with the person that took up most parts of your life. He was always there in your life even when he became a memory, there was no way in hell you could ever replace him, not in a million years, not in this lifetime of yours.

From the day you saw him again, you had a feeling he was never leaving, not anymore. After all, the ones that were meant to be a part of your life would come back to you, while those that don’t would never cross paths with you ever again. In Sunghoon’s case, he was the one that was meant to be in every stage of your life, whether it was physically or just mentally.

You and Sunghoon could never be just friends, because the two of you were already predestined to be lovers. 

“You’re going to let that go, right?”

Just because you and Sunghoon were officially back together didn’t mean that there was a change in your dynamic. You were still continuing on with your life as usual, Sunghoon had started writing his new book, and once it’s time for you to get off work, his car would already be there to pick you up. Nothing has changed except for the title of your relationship with him. 

Telling Minjeong about it should’ve required a mental preparation beforehand. There you were, in your apartment, eating take out with an addition to the duo, Park Sunghoon, who was being interrogated by an old friend. You were the bystander having to witness everything unfold, occasionally getting embarrassed by Minjeong’s antics that Sunghoon found amusing in the contrary.

“Right, that time in the bar where you came up to me and cussed me out,” Sunghoon laughed, clapping his hands at the memory. It was hard not to let out at least a giggle at that. Somehow, the most complicated times of your life were far, far away from you, becoming a laughable memory for you and your friends to reminisce about.

“I was drunk!” Minjeong tried to fight back, knowing it was a losing battle against her.

“It was funny, I’ll give you that,” Sunghoon pointed his chopsticks at her, shaking his head when Minjeong started to mumble incoherent things under her breath. “Don’t worry, I’m not going to hold it against you. You’re an old friend anyway, and I get where you were coming from,”

“I never got to formally apologise to you though, I swear it was eating me up. How about I pay for our drinks the next time we go out?”

“Sounds like a deal.” Sunghoon nodded in satisfaction, glancing at you to catch your reaction, eyeing you stifling a laugh. He raised an eyebrow at you, to which you shook your head in response to his unspoken question that you understood without a doubt. His eyes lingered on you for another beat before looking away, a faint smile resting on his lips.

Dinner ended with a new promise to meet up for drinks that was enthusiastically met with collective agreements. Instead of the usual routine where Sunghoon walked you home, you decided to follow him till a certain distance from your apartment complex. Despite his rejection, you still clung onto him, leaving him no choice but to let you walk him home, even if it was midway.

“Thanks for joining us for dinner,” you had your arm looped around his, sticking your side to his, close enough to be compared to a koala clinging onto a tree branch. 

“I was scared she’d come for my head,” Sunghoon jokes, but realistically speaking, you shared the same worry as he did, knowing how Minjeong disapproved of him after your breakup up till the time he returned, the memory of her confronting him at the club was concrete evidence to back up your worries.

“I was scared for you too,” you laughed even though you promised yourself you wouldn’t slip, unaware of the look he had in his eyes. Sunghoon smiled at you, not because he found your response funny, but seeing you laugh was all he needed for his heart to feel full from contentment. 

“I made a dinner reservation at our usual spot for tomorrow. I’ll come pick you up after work,” Sunghoon was always pulling the most spontaneous plans when you least expected it, this time wasn’t an exception either. 

“It’s specifically our table, right?” you remembered that night at the restaurant where you and Sunghoon escaped the entire party just to be with each other, ignorant to the fact that you and him were building something stronger than the whiskey he had. 

“Who do you think I am?” 

“Right, the one with many tricks hidden up his sleeves,” you heard him chuckling under his breath, not before long realising that you were already at the foot of the overhead bridge. The both of you slowed down your steps, eventually stopping, standing before each other, hands still tightly holding onto one another. 

“I guess it’s time to end the night,” Sunghoon squeezed your hand, not missing the frown slowly forming on your lips. 

“Can’t you stay a little longer?” 

“If I do, I don’t think I would even make it home. Is that your master plan?” he pulled your hand, closing the distance, letting you fall into his embrace without a pinch of shame. You, on the other hand, weren’t expecting his bold action, landing with your hand planted on his chest, heat crawling up the back of your neck till your face. “I’ll make sure tomorrow’s better than tonight,”

Steadying yourself on your feet, you made sure to land a slap on his shoulder first before thinking of a response. Sunghoon simply smiled, seemingly proud of his own impulsive act. “You promise?”

“I promise,” he pinched your cheek, eliciting a genuine laugh from you, a smile appearing on his face right after as if it had turned into a natural response. For a moment, the two of you stood there with barely an inch in between, thankful that there wasn’t anybody around to intrude, basking in each other’s warmth. Neither of you were ready to say goodbye, though knowing it was inevitable. 

“I’ll see you tomorrow, okay?” you whispered, as if seeking a kind of reassurance that only Sunghoon’s confirmation could provide.

“Of course,” Sunghoon squeezed your hand one more time, assuring you once again. His touch was gentle, the gaze he had on you was something irreplicable,  just as his feelings were for you. “Goodnight, Y/N,”  

“Goodnight, Sunghoon.”

He kept his eyes on you for another moment before he slowly let go of his hand, leaning in to press a kiss on the top of your head. As he backed away, waving, you watched him with his promise swelling in your heart, some sort of anticipation building on its own, already looking forward to the plan he had in store. 

You knew that as long as you had him by your side, spending the rest of your days with him in your life, your world was going to be much brighter than it had been with him in it. 

( © jaylver all rights reserved. do NOT copy, plagiarise or edit my work and repost whatsoever. once discovered will be exposed and blacklisted. )

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[dreamersparacosm]

jeon jungkook - the price of desire (part one)

warnings ; none!

prompt ; in which you learn that your dignity has a price, and unfortunately, it looks a lot like Jeon Jungkook in Calvin Klein boxers.

note ; WELL WELL WELL my angels. we are back with ANOTHER series <3 i am not kidding, this story has had me tossing and turning and screaming and crying. they are such a nuanced duo(even more so than utcf) and if you know me, you know i only write characters that are flawed af and boy… do these two have flaws. also so excited bc my dream is to be a CMO so all that marketing jargon is literally ripped from my real life. this is def a slower burn more than utcf even was, so part one is just getting to know reader, a glimpse into jk and hers future dynamic. it will be giving cocky idol and grumpy girl boss reader… yall hate to see it.. anywho all your love and support is so appreciated and im SO excited to kick this one off <3

playlist here

series masterlist here

You learned at an early age that the world doesn’t hand power to people like you. You have to take it.

Born in Busan, raised in a home where every won had to stretch, you grew up with a hunger that never faded. Your parents worked tirelessly; it was long hours in dimly lit shops, silent tears in the living room over bills, doing everything they could to put food on the table. They wanted stability for you, a quiet life where everything was paid on time and there was no need to chase the impossible.

But you weren’t built for small dreams.

At 17, you won a coveted scholarship to a university in Seoul, a golden ticket out of the cycle that kept your family trapped. There, you became relentless. Top of your class, the kind of student professors whispered about, the one who never failed, never wavered. But no amount of late-night studying or overachieving could buy you the connections that children of chaebol heirs and international elites were born into.

So, you had to outwork them. By the time you graduated, you had one goal: to carve your name into an industry that had no place for you. You moved to America, leaving behind familiarity, comfort, and even your family, knowing that to rise, you had to go where power lived.

New York City became your battlefield.

You started at the bottom, fetching coffees, ghostwriting proposals, working eighteen-hour days just to prove you deserved to be in the same rooms as people who had never known struggle. You didn’t just climb the corporate ladder; you burned every rung behind you so there was no way back down.

It took a decade, but now the plaque hangs on the wall. The name plate rings true of all your dreams. You are the Chief Marketing Officer of Calvin Klein.

At 30, you sit at the helm of one of the most influential luxury brands in the world, the architect of campaigns that have redefined fashion and culture. Your name carries weight in boardrooms, your decisions shift global trends, and every executive in the industry knows you are untouchable.

Or at least, that’s what you tell yourself.

In a world like this, power is never permanent. The moment you hesitate, falter, let someone too close, they will take everything.

All that to say — Monday mornings in New York almost always smell like steel and ambition.

The skyline stretches endlessly beyond the glass walls of your office, the pulse of the city thrumming beneath you, yellow cabs blurring past, heels clicking against concrete, the quiet hum of wealth without ever making a sound. You barely had time to sleep after landing from Los Angeles last night, but exhaustion has never been an excuse.

You straighten your blazer, heels clicking against the marble floors as you stride into the Calvin Klein executive boardroom. The space is drenched in morning light, the Hudson River glinting in the distance, but there’s no warmth. Sharp minds and even sharper tongues, all waiting for you to take your seat at the head of the table.

“Let’s get started.” Your voice is crisp, cutting through the murmurs as the team scrambles to attention. Coffee cups are set down, postures shift. The room belongs to you now, like it always does.

This is your campaign, your bread and butter — the Fall Collection, one of the biggest of the year. And today, the decision needs to be made. Who will be the face of it? You’ve put it off as long as possible, especially after the last campaign that had you sleeping, eating and breathing the word ROI.

A junior executive clears his throat, flipping through a stack of polished portfolios. “We’ve compiled a list of potential candidates. Some of the usual names, established actors, a few models with strong followings…”

You take the folder from him, skimming past faces that blur into one another, all predictable choices, safe bets. Safe has never impressed you.

“We’re not looking for predictable,” you say, voice even. “We need someone who will shift the culture. Someone who doesn’t just wear the clothes, but makes people desperate to buy them.”

Silence. Then, the suggestions roll in. A high-profile supermodel. A rising actor from a Netflix hit. Some European footballer with global appeal.

You listen, nodding as they speak, but your silence is judgment. Each name is good but not enough. Polished and uninspired, in your opinion.

You shoot them down effortlessly. “No. We’ve used her before.

No. He doesn’t have the presence.

No. I don’t need another pretty face.”

The tension in the room grows. The team knows you expect brilliance, not silly little recycled ideas.

Then, your VP of Content leans forward, fingers steepled. “I have a name,” He says, measured, waiting for your reaction.

You lift a brow. “Then say it.”

“Jeon Jungkook.”

For the first time, there’s a halt of all noise. Light murmurs. Someone exhales sharply. You hear a scoff from the far end of the table.

“A Korean idol?” One of the senior execs frowns. “That’s a different market entirely.”

“Not just any idol,” your VP counters. “The biggest. Pretty much the frontman of BTS. His brand power is—”

“Unmatched,” You finish for him.

Because it is. Jeon Jungkook isn’t just a name, he’s a phenomenon. A face that sells out stadiums in minutes, a body carved in discipline, a force that transcends the music industry entirely.

Still, the pushback is immediate “Well, he’s never fronted a campaign of this scale.

Idol endorsements don’t always translate to luxury.

Do we want to take that kind of risk?”

Risk.

The word hangs in the air heavily. It should deter you. It should make you pause. But instead, you find yourself a tad intrigued.

What is Calvin Klein, if not bold? If not disruptive? The brand has always thrived on rebellion, on choosing icons that define eras rather than follow them.

Jeon Jungkook is undeniably that. Perhaps, so are you.

You let the murmurs settle before speaking. “What’s our engagement rate from the last campaign?” You ask, looking towards the analytics team.

“Thirty percent growth,” They answer immediately.

“And what’s BTS’s engagement on a single brand mention?”

A pause. A begrudging voice follows, “Higher.”

Exactly.

You glance around the room, seeing the uncertainty and hesitation. You’re about to give a speech greater than LeBron at the NBA Finals. You lean back in your chair, tapping a manicured nail against the armrest, already picturing it, the campaign, the impact, the sheer cultural shift this could create.

“I like it.”

Silence.

A ripple of realization moves through the room, as if with just three words, the decision has already been made.

｡･:*:･ﾟ★,｡･:*:･ﾟ☆

Securing a global superstar isn’t an easy task, not even for you. The next few days are a relentless blur of negotiations, contract rewrites, and back-to-back Zoom calls with a team so notoriously meticulous it nearly drives your own to the brink of madness.

The stakes are high. Deals like this don’t just happen. They are built, fought for, and secured with precision. And Calvin Klein doesn’t like to lose.

Your office pretty much transforms into a war room. Tables littered with printed pitch decks. Screens glowing with data analytics, engagement metrics, and market predictions. Your executives pouring over legal clauses, revising them so every word is airtight.

In the center of it all, you stand. Any normal human would be threatened but at this point, you’ve gone full robot. You take every call personally. A negotiation of this scale is your battlefield, and you don’t delegate wars.

Jungkook, obviously, is never on the calls. It doesn’t surprise you. Artists at his level rarely handle the business side of things. That’s what agents, lawyers, and managers are for. His team is professional, unshaken even when you push hard.

Still, you know who he is.

Of course you do. You may have spent the last decade buried in boardrooms, but you were born in Busan. You grew up watching the Hallyu wave explode, and though you never had the time for it, your little sister devoured everything BTS.

You remember the way she would beg for concert tickets, how she’d fall asleep with headphones on, listening to their debut on loop. You used to tease her for it— why the fuck are you crying over an idol?

Funny, looking back at it now. Considering that idol’s contract is currently giving you a migraine.

His team is smart. They have demands, and they don’t bend easily. They want creative control over his campaign image. They want scheduling flexibility due to his commitments. They want Calvin Klein to align with Jungkook’s existing partnerships… list goes on.

All reasonable, but not easy. You fight for compromises, push for adjustments, rewrite proposals until every angle is optimized for success. At the end of the day, you know one thing: This deal is worth it.

And then, one morning, before you’ve even had a sip of your morning coffee, it happens. At exactly 7:14 AM, an email lands in your inbox.

SUBJECT: FINAL APPROVAL – JEON JUNGKOOK x CALVIN KLEIN

We are pleased to confirm Jeon Jungkook’s official partnership with Calvin Klein for the upcoming Fall Collection campaign. Thank you for your patience and professionalism throughout the negotiation process. We look forward to working together!

Your eyes flicker over the words. Once. Twice. Three times. Four times before you think you might pass out.

Slowly, a smile curves on your lips. You step out of your office, and before you can say anything, someone sees your expression and knows.

“We got him.”

The room erupts. Your team, overworked and barely running on caffeine, comes alive. Cheers echo through the space, hands slap against the table in triumph, tension melting into borderline euphoria.

They know what this means. This isn’t just a campaign. This is the kind of collaboration that will hopefully bring the brand back to the forefront of everyone’s minds and not in some TJMaxx aisle.

You let them celebrate. You don’t smile often, but today… today, you do.

Just when you think the victory high has settled, a package arrives later in the day for you. It’s a black envelope, embossed with gold lettering. No company branding. No assistant delivery. Just your name.

You open it carefully. Inside is a thick, cream-colored card with an unmistakable touch of handwritten ink.

Thank you for having me.
I’m looking forward to it.
—JJK

You stare at the writing for a beat too long. It’s clean, elegant, but slightly tilted, like the hand behind it didn’t care about perfection. The inked letters feel unexpectedly personal, almost at odds with the meticulous contracts you spent days battling over.

A small, teeny weeny little part of you does wonder… What kind of man is Jeon Jungkook when he’s not just a name on a contract?

You shake the thought away real quick. It doesn’t matter. What matters is that the deal is done.

｡･:*:･ﾟ★,｡･:*:･ﾟ☆

Power has a way of softening the sharp edges of travel.

As Chief Marketing Officer, you rarely have to think about logistics. The world bends to accommodate you with first-class flights, black car service, five-star hotels with skyline views. When business demands your presence in another country, the details are handled before you even lift a finger.

This time is no different.

The moment Calvin Klein secured Jeon Jungkook, it became your responsibility to oversee the partnership firsthand. Deals of this magnitude require your attention, and no one executes anything better than you. So you fly to Korea, fly home. First class as always, because nothing less is expected.

The moment the plane lifts into the sky, you immerse yourself in Jeon Jungkook.

Not the man— you don’t know the man. His brand. The name that moves markets, the face that has sold out entire fashion lines with a single post, the lives that have cleaned out ramen packets in seconds.

Your screen is a kaleidoscope of him, any campaigns, endorsements, past collaborations. Streetwear in one ad, high fashion in another. His presence shifts effortlessly from youthful rebellion to refined masculinity. He is everything Calvin Klein thrives on, raw and provocative.

He’s perfect for this.

You land in Incheon to a city humming beneath dark light. Seoul is quieter than New York, but no less alive with neon signs flicker against sleek glass buildings, the scent of rain and street food hugging the air.

A black car waits for you at the terminal, an assistant from Calvin Klein’s Seoul office greeting you with a polite bow. The ride into the city is smooth, the world shifting past in a blur of muted grays and bright LED screens. Your body is exhausted, but your mind stays sharp.

Tomorrow is the first meeting. You should be thinking about logistics. Contractual points that still need finalizing. The creative vision. The structure of the campaign. But as your car glides past Itaewon’s winding streets, past districts that are both familiar and foreign, you think of something else. You haven’t called home in a while.

You keep telling yourself you’ve been busy with deadlines, meetings, strategy decks stacked higher than your appetite for guilt, but deep down, you know the truth.

You haven’t called because you don’t know how to explain it. How success swallowed you whole, how you traded in your accent for sharper vowels, your mother’s cooking for room service, the comfort of home for the cold glass walls of boardrooms.

What would you even say?

Hi, I made it. I’m tired. I miss you. I don’t know who I am anymore.

It still is the least of your concerns when you arrive to your destination.

Your hotel is one of Seoul’s finest, very discreet, a haven of understated luxury. Floor-to-ceiling windows frame the skyline, and the quiet hum of a jazz playlist fills the suite when you enter.

You shrug off your coat, kicking off your heels, stretching out the tension of the flight. Your mind wanders a little as you pour your nightly glass of wine out; you will meet Jeon Jungkook tomorrow. It’s an odd feeling, seeing as you’ve met more celebrities in your life than you can count. You’d be a horrible liar , though, if you said you weren’t the least bit curious.

｡･:*:･ﾟ★,｡･:*:･ﾟ☆

You wake before your alarm, the hush of Seoul stretching beyond the glass windows of your suite. The city moves gently at this hour before the rush, before the weight of the day settles onto its spine. For a moment, you allow yourself to breathe.

Discipline has always been your armor. You move through the motions with practiced ease, a cold rinse to shake off the last remnants of jet lag, a serum smoothed over skin (Laneige is the only right answer), a swipe of rouge on lips.

And today, more than ever, you need to be impeccable.

Your suit is white, tailored, almost impossible to ignore. It is a statement and a reminder that you are the architect of success.

However, when you step into the elevator, riding down to meet your driver, a flicker of something you haven’t felt in eons settles in your chest.

Nerves.

Not because you haven’t done this before. You have. You’ve met Hollywood A-listers, supermodels draped in couture, billionaires who own entire industries. You’ve handled them all.

It’s just… he does oddly remind you of home in some silly way.

You exit the hotel with the cool breeze of the morning air wrapping around you, the weight of the city’s movement already filling the space between you and the office. The car ride is smooth, twin reflections of New York’s controlled chaos and the quieter energy of Seoul. You barely notice the time passing as you mentally run through the agenda for the day, but there’s something about the looming meeting that sits heavier on your mind than it should.

The Calvin Klein Seoul office is small, nothing like the flagship headquarters in New York. The building is sleek but understated, a space that exists more for logistics than spectacle.

The moment you walk through the glass doors, the energy is so off. Your VP of International Marketing, a sharp-eyed executive named Daniel, greets you immediately. He is already speaking before you’ve fully crossed the threshold or even taken a breath of the office air.

“Everything’s set,” he says, handing you a sleek black folder. “Jungkook’s team will be here in twenty.”

You take the folder, skimming over the notes. “Any last-minute adjustments?”

“A few,” Daniel admits. “His schedule is tighter than expected, so we may need to shift some of the shoot days. And… his team wants final approval on every creative decision.”

You glance up at him, arching a brow. “They don’t trust us?”

“They trust us,” Daniel says, lips twitching. “They just trust him more.”

Fair. You figured they would play dirty at some point.

You nod, flipping the folder shut. “We’ll make it work.”

Daniel studies you for a beat, then smirks. “You nervous?”

You don’t hesitate. “No.”

You’re not. Not exactly. But as you settle into the conference room, as the clock ticks down to his arrival, you can’t shake the deadweight sitting on your chest. There’s not really a reason to be nervous, but suddenly, the fact that you sit at the head of the desk taunts you. It feels too official,, like every choice you’ve ever made has led to this exact chair, under these lights, and now everyone’s watching.

Daniel chuckles, stepping in behind you. “No need to act cool about it. I mean, dude is literally the most famous guy out there right now.”

You glance up at him. “Right,” you reply, settling into a chair at the table. “Do I give off fangirl vibes?”

“Fair play,” Daniel admits with a smirk. “It is also just business. He’s a client like any other.”

You raise an eyebrow, his words hanging in the air. “Sure,” you say, but something about the way you says it doesn’t quite feel right.

Daniel leans against the conference table, watching you with an expression that borders on amusement “So,” he muses, “are you ready to meet him, or are we keeping up this whole pretend you don’t care act the entire time?”

You shoot him a flat look, arms crossed. “I don’t pretend.”

He smirks. “Right. You just happen to be checking your watch every five seconds like we’re waiting for the President of South Korea.”

You exhale sharply, smoothing out an invisible crease in your sleeve. “You know I don’t care about the celebrity. I care about if my boss is happy.”

Daniel hums, unconvinced. “Riiiiight.” He tilts his head, watching you for another beat before flipping open a portfolio. “Alright, boss, walk me through it one more time. We’re running with the—“

Before he can finish, a soft knock at the door interrupts. The secretary peeks her head in, voice all smooth and professional. “He’s here.”

The words settle over the room. Daniel straightens up, giving you one last knowing glance before both of you move toward the head of the conference table. Your posture is perfect, composed, the picture of an executive who has done this a hundred times. Yet, for some reason, your palms are a little sweaty.

The door opens. A quiet hum of conversation drifts in first, footsteps soft against polished floors. And then, he steps through.

The first thing you notice is that he is not what you expected. Or maybe, he is exactly what you expected. Tall, poised, effortlessly self-assured. He moves like someone accustomed to attention, yet unaffected by it, a presence that doesn’t need to demand the room because it already bends to him.

He is dressed in black from head to toe. Black jeans, a crisp button-up slightly unfastened at the top, revealing the barest hint of a toned chest beneath the collar. The sleeves are rolled up to his elbows, exposing a canvas of tattoos that swirl down one of his arms. Dark hair falls just over his brows, parted slightly. His skin is flawless, his lips full and plush, but it’s his round eyes that capture you first.

He has piercings, small silver hoops glinting in his ears, the metal just barely catching the light. And then, as he runs his tongue over his bottom lip, you notice it, the piercing there, too.

You inhale, the moment stretching far too long.

Jungkook’s team follows behind him, a carefully curated group of managers, assistants, and legal representatives. They all exude efficiency, dressed in business casual

Jungkook is not corporate. He is the complete fucking polar opposite of it. And yet, as he steps forward, his expression shifts, a polite smile.

He greets everyone kindly, taking the time to nod toward the executives flanking the room, shaking hands, offering soft pleasantries.

You are still staring. For the first time in your career, you cannot decide if the man standing before you is a masterpiece to be marketed or a storm brewing.

You need to get a grip on reality.

Jungkook’s gaze is assessing, but you don’t let it linger. Years of discipline have trained you to absorb impact, analyze it, and move forward. So you shift your attention to the team standing behind him, your posture sharpening as you step forward.

“Good morning,” you say smoothly, extending a hand to the first of his representatives. “I appreciate you all taking the time to meet today.”

His manager steps forward first, shaking your hand firmly. “Of course. We’ve been looking forward to this partnership.”

One by one, you go through the motions, firm grips, polite smiles, nods exchanged. These are the gatekeepers, the ones who make the real decisions behind the scenes. You commit each of their names to memory, cataloging their expressions, their temperaments.

You turn lastly to Jungkook, your expression unreadable. His lips are still curled in a faint smile, but you keep your own face neutral. Instead, you bow, just a crisp nod of acknowledgment.

"Jeon Jungkook-ssi," you say, voice poised. "It’s a pleasure to finally meet you.”

When you straighten, you see it, the flicker of amusement crossing his face. He tilts his head, tongue pressing briefly against the inside of his cheek before speaking. “The bow? That’s formal. Are we at a company dinner?”

A few quiet chuckles from his team. You refuse to laugh. Your expression remains steady, composed. “It’s standard when meeting someone for the first time.”

Jungkook watches you for a beat longer, as if testing to see if he can break through that calm exterior. But when you don’t waver, he simply lets out a quiet hmm, not quite disappointed or impressed.

“Now, let’s get started.” You step toward the table, signaling the meeting’s shift into motion. “We have a lot to go over, and I want to make sure we’re aligned on the creative direction before we finalize schedules.”

Jungkook’s team follows, the atmosphere shifting from introductions to strategy.

“As I’m sure you’re aware,” you continue, placing a sleek, black folder on the table, “this campaign is projected to be one of Calvin Klein’s biggest of the year. Our goal isn’t just to market a collection, we want to shape a cultural moment. With Jungkook’s presence, we have the ability to move beyond traditional advertising and into something far more influential.”

You feel Jungkook’s gaze on you, but you don’t acknowledge it. Instead, you focus on his team, keeping your voice measured and confident. “I know negotiations took time, but I want to personally express my excitement for this collaboration. We’re not here to simply slap a face on some storefronts… we’re here to build something iconic.”

Jungkook leans back in his chair, arms resting casually against the armrests. “Iconic, huh?”

You glance at him for a second. “That’s the standard.”

The meeting stretches into deep discussions and strategic analysis, the campaign unfolding across the polished mahogany of the conference table. You lead with precision, breaking down creative direction, discussing visual aesthetics, mapping out timelines with a ruthless efficiency.

Jungkook listens. Not just politely, not just because he has to, but the man actually listens.

You notice it in the way his eyes sharpen when you speak, the occasional flick of his gaze to the proposal documents, the way he leans forward slightly when something actually interests him.

“So, to sum it all up,” you continue, flipping a page, “this campaign will lean into Calvin Klein’s signature branding but with a more modernized edge. We’re emphasizing raw masculinity, effortless sensuality—”

“Effortless?” Jungkook interrupts smoothly in a teasing tone. “That’s an interesting way to put it.”

You look up. “You disagree?”

He tilts his head, considering. “I wouldn’t call it effortless.”

His voice is casual, but something in it makes the room halt slightly. You set your pen down. “Then what would you call it?”

Jungkook lets the silence breathe, holding your gaze a second longer than necessary. His team shifts slightly, waiting for his response. He smiles “Intentional.”

You hold his gaze for a moment before nodding. “Fair point.”

His lips twitch, like he wasn’t expecting you to concede so easily. But before the exchange lingers, you move forward. “We’ll finalize creative direction by next week. In the meantime, we’ll align schedules for fittings and shoot dates…”

By the time lunch rolls around, the energy in the room loosens slightly. It’s quite clear everyone is exhausted and would rather be two courses deep into a meal now. Jungkook’s team begins gathering their things, murmuring about reservations at a nearby restaurant. Daniel gives you a glance, knowing better than to invite you along.

You never take breaks.

As the last few executives file out, you remain in your seat, flipping through campaign notes, already highlighting sections for revision. The door closes behind them, leaving you alone in the quiet of the conference room.

You barely have a minute to yourself before a soft knock echoes through the space. You glance up, expecting Daniel, but instead… Jungkook.

He lingers in the doorway, one hand braced against the frame, the other tucked into the pocket of his jeans. His expression is unreadable, but he’s unmistakably casual in the way he stands there, like he has all the time in the world. “Mind if I come in?”

You hesitate. You have no idea why. It’s not that uncommon to be friendly with the campaign faces. You actually really liked working with Kendall Jenner, with her even inviting you to her home in Calabasas.

You study him for a moment, the way he leans against the doorframe, his presence too large for the quiet of the conference room. With bated breath, you gesture toward the chair across from you. “Suit yourself.”

Jungkook steps inside, the soft click of the door closing behind him echoing in the empty space. His gaze flickers over the neatly stacked papers, the highlighted notes, the sleek silver pen in your hand.

“You don’t take breaks?” He questions innocently, lowering himself into the chair.

“I don’t have time for them. And I assume you don’t either, considering you’re here instead of at lunch with your team,” You retort.

Jungkook hums, tilting his head slightly. “Maybe I just wanted to see if you’d actually crack a smile once everyone left.”

A slow, teasing grin tugs at his lips. “So far, not looking too good.”

You exhale through your nose, unimpressed. “Was there something you needed?”

Jungkook leans back, the crisp fabric of his shirt stretching over his frame. He looks at you, not in the way men usually do, not with arrogance or expectation, but with a calculated curiosity. “You don’t like me very much, do you?”

Great. You have an observer on your hands.

You blink once. “I don’t have to like you. Not in my job description, unfortunately. ”

His grin widens, slow and deliberate. “So cold. I think I like it.”

Your jaw tenses, but only slightly. He catches it. Most people flinch under scrutiny, but you don’t. You don’t shift, don’t fumble, don’t drop your gaze. Instead, you meet his stare with the same measured indifference you give to 55-year old men.

“Flirting with me won’t get you special treatment.” Your voice is detached, cool as a cucumber.

Jungkook lets out a quiet laugh, “Who said I was flirting?”

Your lips press into a thin line.

“Don’t worry,” he continues, propping an elbow on the armrest, “I don’t expect special treatment. Just the best. And from what I’ve seen so far…” he nods toward your documents, “…you don’t settle for anything less either.”

You don’t reply, but he’s hit the mark. Jungkook studies you for another beat, his gaze dipping, taking you apart piece by piece and seemingly trying to understand what makes you tick.

You hate to admit it, but he’s sharper than you expected. Most people in his position come into these meetings as faces, not minds. They sign the contracts, smile for the cameras, let their teams do the thinking.

You click your pen once. “If that’s all, I have work to do.”

Jungkook watches you for a moment longer, then moves a tad closer, just slightly, enough for you to catch the faint scent of expensive cologne, something clean and subtly musky.

His voice dips lower, softer now, but no less assured. “Tell me, do you always bet on things you know you’ll win?”

Your fingers still against the table. You set your pen down with deliberate precision, tilting your head slightly. “Only when the stakes are worth it.”

Jungkook’s mouth twitches, not quite a smile. The thing you’ll come to learn about Jungkook is this: the man cannot back down from a challenge. He loves games. Always has

It’s how he got here in the first place. Grit, obsession, the refusal to lose. Every accolade, every headline, every billboard was earned not just through talent, but by the sheer thrill of the chase.

Truth be told, he’s a little.. intrigued, in some weird way. To put it in even more cliche terms, you look like trouble.

And… well, Jungkook has always had a thing for playing with fire.

｡･:*:･ﾟ★,｡･:*:･ﾟ☆

masterlist + request

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[lexluvsmegs]

Just thinking about Nanami helping virgin!Ino fuck you for the first time.

Ino feels as if he was on cloud 9 after finally asking you, his sexy class mate, to be his first ever girlfriend. He’s nervous, that much is painfully obvious, his sweaty hands fiddling as he blurts the words out trying his very best not to stutter. His hopes aren’t set too high since you’re… you. But when you smile that beautiful smile and nod your head in acceptance he leaves with hearts in his eyes. Literally.

He’s in love, there’s no doubt about it. You’ve been going out for a few months now and Ino has been nothing but a gentleman, pulling out all the stops to keep you impressed. He’s made you playlists with your favourite songs, taken you out to fancy restaurants, bought you the clothes you’d been eyeing. What more could a girl want?

However, there was one aspect about dating that was weighing hard on him, and that was sex. You see, you were hot, and Ino was a virgin. That may not seem like such a big deal. But to him? It was the end of the world. His insecurities were eating away at him. What if he wasn’t good enough for you? What if he couldn’t satisfy you? In his mind, everything could go wrong.

And that’s how Nanami found himself here, positioned on the edge of Ino’s bed as you lay naked, sprawled across the plush mattress with Ino knuckle deep inside your gushing pussy following Nanami’s instructions as if his words were law. Ino had practically gotten down on his knees when he begged for the older man’s help, he really couldn’t lose you. Thankfully, Nanami took sympathy on the poor boy. He couldn’t deny that you were stunning, so maybe it was a little selfish when he agreed to the terms with the promise of seeing you in such a compromising setting. Call him a perv but just the thought of you was able to make his pants feel just the bit tighter.

“Angle your fingers like this” he sounded calm and composed, but in reality he had never felt so excited. Nanami shuffled closer as he grabbed Ino’s hand and repositioned it until it had you moaning out his name. God did Nanami want it to be his name next.

“T-that feel good baby?” Ino felt breathless as his fingers kept up his ruthless pace. You couldn’t form a proper sentence being too overwhelmed by the immense pleasure you were feeling. However, the endless whines that fell from your lips let the two men know exactly how you were feeling.

Nanami felt his resolve break slightly as he knelt down next to Ino who looks at the blond with a confused glint in his eyes. Nanami, however, wasted no time as he lowered his head to be eye level with your gushing pussy. With a deep inhale of your scent he finally opened his mouth to taste your juices and immediately groaned.

“Tastes so good” you can barely make out the words as he sloppily laps his tongue over your clit causing you to snake a hand into his golden locks and pull. His tongue felt like heaven as it dipped deep into your hole, tracing his name over your puffy lips not allowing you the chance to catch your breath. Babbles of his name leave your mouth in huffs as you feel yourself reaching your first orgasm. To your disappointment, Nanami halts his movements of nipping and sucking at your clit and sits back. Fucking tease.

“She should be ready for you now” his voice is so husky and damn is it sexy. Ino immediately fumbles as he stands, nervous yet hard as a rock, his cock bobs as his flushed tip falls from his lower belly. You hadn’t yet had time to properly inspect it but my god, it was long. By no means was it ugly, you would argue that it was one of the prettiest you had seen, prominent veins led up to his raging head that pulsed with the need to be buried deep within you. Your legs would have closed if it weren’t for Nanami’s strong hands keeping them wide open.

Ino climbed onto the bed, his weight held up by his shaking arms. “So wet f’me baby… you ready?” His gentle tone had you melting deeper into the sheets as you gave a slight nod. He took this as his chance to reach one hand down to pump himself a few times before lining himself up and pushing his cock inside. The three of you groaned, Nanami transfixed by how well you were able to take Ino’s cock. He wondered how you would be when taking his.

Ino felt like he was in heaven as your gummy walls wrapped around him so perfectly. “P-please move” your hoarse voice called out which spurred Ino to snap his hips down into you leaving you gasping. An uneven tempo was created, though, Nanami could tell Ino’s pace wouldn’t bring you to finish, therefore he took matters into his own hands, resting a large palm on Ino’s lower back as he guided his strokes. If Nanami hadn’t promised to help Ino he would have probably taken you for himself, his hard length screaming for relief as he palmed himself with his free hand.

With the new pace set, Ino was making you see stars as he hit deep within you. Your arms wrapped around his back as your nails dug deep, Ino groaned at the thought of you leaving marks and claiming him as your own. His hips stuttered as you pulled his face close to yours, sloppily kissing and licking into his mouth. You were gonna be the death of him. You broke the kiss to look down at where he was pounding into you and instead noticed the bulge that was forming in your belly every time Ino would push back in. Ino followed your eyeline and couldn’t help but whine as he found the source of your attention. He was filling you so good you could barely process your impending orgasm.

The feeling was intense as you tried to wriggle away from the shocks of pleasure racking through you. “S’too much” tears began streaming down your face as Ino’s pace never faltered.

“Stop whining, you can take it” Nanami’s harsh voice rang out.

“S-so close” you whine out, you can tell he and Nanami are the same as they moans filling the room grow desperate. And as you wrap your legs around his waist, pulling him close, he empties out into you causing your own orgasm to crash over you.

You feel a hand petting your hair as you come down from your high, turning to face Nanami as he offers you a sweet smile. You pretend not to notice the obvious stain now gracing his light pants and instead smile in return as Ino slumps his body atop yours.

Virgin!Ino who’s no longer a virgin.

——

© lexluvsmegs 2025 ➳ ALL RIGHTS RESERVED 

PLEASE DO NOT Copy, Translate, Re-Upload, or Steal ANY of my work.

Thank You, Beautiful People! :)

[hwaslayer]

wildfire (cs) | sixteen.

—spotify playlist |series masterlist

—summary: assistant professor in bioengineering, incredibly attractive, lonely and divorced; that’s how most people describe san. but despite the events that have happened in his life, san has a lot going for himself. he’s a successful, sought out professor due to his brilliant contributions to science at just an early age of 32. he worked hard to get where he was now; head deep into his research, his publications, building his lab and creating a name for himself. everything was good and smooth sailing— until it wasn’t. because when he meets you, a bioengineering grad student interested in rotating in his lab, he finds himself ready to risk all the blood, sweat and tears he put in throughout the years just to keep you close— his need for you spiraling out of control like a wildfire.

—pairing: asst. professor!choi san x grad student!f. reader

—genre: (18+ - minors dni) strangers to lovers, grad school au | fluff, angst, smut

—word count: 6.1k

—chapter content/warnings: cussing, mature language/sexually implied content, the storm is here (literally), a bit of a lillll argument, san comes to the rescue ofc, saurrrr much tension at first.. like the air is THICCCK, coming to resolutions & making up 🥺, kissing/making out, sweet moments, unprotected sex, fingering, slightly nipple play, hella soft missionary, hella soft sex from behind. idk everything is hella sweet and hella soft cause they’re just so in love and missed each other pls let them have this lil tender moment!! 🤍, a small oc x iseul encounter (just because i needed her to at LEAST give iseul some business), sorry if i missed anything - quickly edited!

—on rotation: goin' crazy - natalie

"Babe. Go home?" Eunchae says over the phone while you pack some things up. You were the only one out of your friends who stayed behind to finish up a few things and get ahead before the storm rolled in. The rest of your friends were smart enough to leave, and now, you were stuck on campus until [god knows when] the storm would settle.

"Chae, I literally think I'm stuck here. I didn't leave early enough." You sigh and head towards the window, watching as the rain continues to pour, the wind howling and beating against the glass.

"Why don't you wait it out for a few and then dart out as soon as it stops? I'm sure we'll get a quick break from the storm." 

"I'm scared to drive out in this rain. What if it traps me out on the road?" You groan. "I should've left earlier but I had to take care of some stuff in the lab before the storm came in just in case. I didn't want it to set me back."

"Is the building staying strong? Back up generators and all still pulling through?"

"Yeah, thankfully—" As if you had just jinxed it, the lights suddenly shut off in your studio— the lights in surrounding rooms also going out. The street lights are out.

Everything is dark and cold.

"Oh, fuck. Nevermind." You whine and pretend to cry.

"What, the lights went out?!"

"Yeah. I think the backup generators might've tripped out."

"Girl, get your ass home. Who knows when they'll start investigating and working on that?" 

"I should've left yesterday. I should've just listened to my gut!"

"But no, you had to go and be my 'lil overachiever." The both of you hear your emails ding— the internet in the building going out, leaving you with choppy service. "Oop, there goes the university message about the backup generator getting blown out for residence halls."

"Save me."

"Babe, just wait it out and get outta there. I'm sure it'll be fine when you drive home later, okay? Text me if anything. I can force my stepbrother to come and rescue you if needed."

"No, no. It's fine. I'll be okay."

"Okay, be safe for now. Love you!"

"Love you, too!" You let out another small breath as you sit in front of your half-packed weekender bag. You continue to pack your things, finalizing the last bits of the necessities needed so you can dash out of here the moment the storm calms—

Whenever that is.

You set your bag aside, along with your jacket and shoes before plopping onto your couch to try and get some work done through your phone's hotspot. But, it doesn't last for long when the videos you need to watch won't play and your data won't upload properly. You check the weather to see if there are any gaps in the rain coming soon, but to your luck, there are none.

In fact, it only sounds like the rain will get worse until tomorrow afternoon.

"Fuck." You whine to yourself, feeling scared and alone without your friends around to keep you company. 

Had you listened to your gut and let your work sit for a minute, you wouldn't be in this predicament. 

You try to busy yourself by lighting up some candles, spreading it out within your studio from the kitchen table to your nightstand. You go from trying to take notes under the dim candlelight, to laying in your bed trying to warm up.

Suddenly, a text comes through on your phone. You weren't expecting anything to come through with how shitty and inconsistent the service has been. You grab your phone, assuming it was one of your friends or your mom checking in on you.

You did not think it'd be Choi San.

san: hope you're staying warm and safe, y/n.

Your heart drops and you immediately don't know what to do. Should you respond? Should you continue ignoring him, continue to force yourself to act like San doesn't mean much to you?

Erase that part of your life?

After all these months, he still has the same effect on you. No matter how hard you try to hide it, your feelings for him haven't gone anywhere.

you: trying to. i hope you are too.

He doesn't answer right away, but that's only because he wasn't expecting a response. He was fully convinced you hated him since the last time you spoke, yet that hasn't stopped him from thinking about you every single day. Especially now, when the storm is at its peak. You're alone, and he's alone. He misses you. 

He's pulled out of his thoughts when you follow up with another text, and he almost feels like this could be a window to talk to you and see how you've been doing. He's been itching to talk to you again.

you: do you have power?

san: i do. do you need anything? just saw the university message about part of the residence halls being out of power.

you: um, no. i think i'm okay.

san: you sure? did they say when it'll come back up?

you: no clue.

san: you can hang out here if you want. i'll give you space.

you: i'll think about it. thank you for offering, though.

san: course. let me know. i was actually hoping we could talk at some point.

You pout a bit, setting your phone aside as you try to lean back against your headboard and continue studying. You try to get your mind off of San, believing you can hold out until tomorrow when the rain smoothes over and the storm passes. The longer the power continues to stay off, the colder it gets. The harder the rain and wind get, the more you hate being alone.

What did San need to talk about?

Your curiosity definitely got to the best of you because even though you don't entirely think you're ready for whatever San has up his sleeve, you pick up your phone to text him back anyway. You don't wanna be alone, and even if you don't wanna admit it right now, you'd rather be with him than here.

you: but, it's pretty crazy outside. you'd drive in this?

san: well, yeah. it's tapering off for a bit anyway. do you want me to come?

you: okay.

san: i'll be there in about 15 minutes.

you: pls be careful.

san: i will, love.

You sigh, pinching at your bottom lip to try and understand your feelings right now. Were you excited? Were you nervous? Were you regretting this?

Should you tell him to not leave? Change your mind?

You're so conflicted that it takes up all your time— up until the very moment that San is texting you that he's in his usual spot. A wave of nostalgia washes over you, and obviously, it's too late to turn back now no matter how nervous you are. 

You throw on your huge puffer jacket, throwing on the hood from your hoodie over your head while grabbing your weekender bag, along with your school bag to try and get some work done at San's house. Might as well be productive in a warm place with running hot water, heat and lights.

San is right about the rain; it's a lot lighter than it was earlier, but you know it won't last for long. You hurriedly walk over as the rain continues to fall, swinging his door open and plopping yourself into the passenger's seat— slightly getting the leather wet.

"Hey."

"Hi." You say softly as you settle in, lowering the hood from your face. San feels like his heart is beating out of his chest while he watches you from the side, turning to throw your things in the back before looking at him. "Was it hard driving over?"

"No."

"Hm, okay." You hum. 

"How's it been?"

"Fine, I guess."

"You guess?"

"I don't know what you want me to say."

"Heard you're in the final stages for your transfer to Mirae. Namjoon says it's been crazy busy for you because you're trying to wrap things up before you leave."

"Oh, right." You look down at your hands. "Yeah. Yeah, he's right." You pause. "It has been busy that I've barely had time for myself. All worth in the end, I guess."

"Excited?"

"Not sure yet. I will be, I think."

"Mm. That's great, Y/N. You deserve it." You look at him and furrow your brows before scoffing a bit.

"So, that's it? We're just gonna act like things are fine because you're coming to my rescue during a storm?"

"No, that's not it at all." San looks at you, almost matching your energy. "First of all, I was worried about you. Second, I just wanted to check in and then apologize. Is that so wrong of me to do?"

"You don't have to do all that."

"Well, I want to."

"Apologize for what?" You look directly outside of the windshield, listening and watching as the rain hits the glass harshly.

"The texts and the calls during Mingi's birthday at the bar."

"It's fine."

"Was it? You were kinda brushing me off."

"The last time we spoke before that, you broke up with me and we didn't necessarily part ways on a friendly note."

"I wanted to, but you were angry."

"You decided what was best for me. Without me." You cross your arms and look out the window, feeling the hot tears brimming your lids.

"I didn't come and pick you up to argue." He sighs when he sees the switch in your body language. "I just wanted to say I'm sorry because I know I was out of line and I shouldn't have done things that way. I did mean it, though. Everything I said to you that night. What happened that night didn't mean—"

"What is the point of this, San?" You begin to cry into your hands while sitting in the seat. "I don't know what you want."

"Baby, you know what I want."

"Stop." You whine a bit. "I don't know what you want."

"You. It's always been you." He shakily sighs, his own tears brimming his lids. "I'm sorry, I just— I didn't mean to hurt you, love. You know I didn't. I know you've been angry about it, but I was just trying to do what was best at the time. I was scared, and I didn't want anything to happen to you so I jumped. Baby, please know that." His eyes are burning up, cheeks slightly rosy as he looks at you with concern. With hurt.

With love.

"San, you make this so complicated." You whine as you dig your head into your hands as a dull headache comes on.

"I'm not trying to, sweetheart." He almost matches your tone, gaining frustration from the entire situation all over again. It isn't you, no. It's just the fact that he had to do what he needed to do in order to blow shit over, but that meant spending months away from you— the one person wanted and needed. 

You're pulled out of your own thoughts when the rain starts to pick up again, pounding against the windshield and windows like pellets. You sigh and shake your head, running your hand through your hair.

"Can we just not.. right now? The storm is gonna pick up again, maybe I should just head back—" 

"You can stay at mine. I'll give you space like I promised. Who knows when the generators will be back up." He starts up his car and you don't even protest. "Do you want me to stop by anywhere before heading to the house?"

"It's crazy out here, San. We should just get back to the house." He sighs a bit.

"I'll make you some ramen when we get back." You quietly sit back and watch as San safely navigate the incredibly wet and dangerous roads back to his house. Luckily, it isn't far from campus, and your anxiety lowers when he gets closer to his place. Just as you're about to turn onto his street, the storm picks up quick— the rain hitting the car harshly, making it hard to see through the windshield. But, San finally pulls into his garage, allowing you to release the breath you've been holding during the car ride.

You feel safe again.

You feel safe like you typically do when you're with San. Angry or not— San has always been a safe space for you.

He swings your door open after grabbing your things in the back, giving you space to step out and walk ahead of him. It feels so familiarly unfamiliar walking into his house after months of not doing so, but everything feels the same. It still feels.. safe. Comfortable. 

It looks the same.

"It's warm."

"Good." San chuckles a bit before nodding towards upstairs. "I'll take you to the guest bedroom so you can get comfortable and do whatever you need to do." You nod and follow San upstairs, trying to see if anything has changed. But, nothing has. 

He swings the door open and the bed is still neatly made with its light grey, fluffy duvet, matching sheets and pillowcases. You quietly set your things down while San backtracks out into the hallway.

"Let me grab you a towel." You nod, starting to go through your bag to change into the pajamas you brought— some old christmas pants and an oversized sweater. San comes back into the room with a towel, placing it gently on the edge of the bed. "Here."

"Thank you." You grab the towel, along with your travel pouch and clothes, and head to the guest bathroom to get washed up. You're setting your things down onto the counter when you hear San approaching. He's carrying something in his hand, welcoming himself into the bathroom.

"I, um, have this." San brings a basket full of skincare and hair products that you use. "I took note of the stuff you use so you wouldn't have to keep hauling it over. You know.. back then." You turn to him, surprised he got every detail right.

"San."

"It's not a big deal."

"Yeah, it is. Thank you."

"Course. Do you need anything else?"

"No. This is perfect." He nods. 

"I'll be downstairs." You give him a tiny smile before he walks out and shuts the door to leave you to your peace. You take a moment to go through the basket that San brought in, feeling your heart swell at how incredibly attentive he's always been. 

You miss him so badly, and he's just in the room below.

You shake off the thoughts in your head, stepping into the piping hot shower to finally release all stress and overthinking. You take your time being that San's power seems to be holding on strong, and you're not gonna lie, his shower feels amazing after the busy ass weeks you've been having. You step out after a good 30-mins of extra lathering, exfoliation and scrubbing, really giving yourself the self-care treatment you've been yearning for. You finish up your routine by lotioning up and brushing some treatment through your hair before changing into your pajamas. You step into the room to fix your things, grabbing your laptop and gently tossing it on the bed so you can slowly pick up where you left off earlier—

"Nice pajamas." San stands by the door with a bowl and water in his hands, making you roll your eyes.

"I was supposed to head to my mom's, not yours." You pout and it makes San bite his lip to prevent himself from teasing you even more about your mickey mouse Christmas pajamas. "Don't make fun of me."

"No, it's cute." He sets the bowl of ramen on the nightstand near the bed. "Made you a bowl."

"Thank you." He nods.

"I'm gonna be next door in my office to finish up some things. Will you be okay in here?"

"Yeah, I will be."

"Well, you're welcome to pop in if you need anything. Help yourself to anything downstairs, too. You can just leave the bowl in the dishwasher."

"No worries. Thank you, San." You say softly as you sit on the edge of the bed. He nods and locks eyes with you for a moment, a soft gaze on his face before he grabs at the door handle. He slowly shuts the door, almost pained having to do so.

He wishes he didn't have to, he wishes he didn't have to keep this door between you two. Those walls.

And you do, too. But, you're too scared to say it. Because if you say it, how will you overcome these feelings? You shouldn't even be here in the first place since you've done so well minding your own business while burying your feelings for San. You've done so well, and now, you're here. Threatening to reverse all of that work. You just weren't sure where this would take you two and the uncertainty kills you.

In the end, what if it just never really works out? What would've all of this been for?

You shake the thoughts out of your head, eating the delicious ramen San made you before chugging most of your water bottle. It gives you enough energy to power through the work you couldn't complete earlier in your studio due to the power going out. You can hear San hopping on a few phone calls, one being with Jongho. You hear San's deep voice talking through a lot of key points during some of these calls. You try to focus your way through most of your work, trying to ignore how awfully attractive San sounds through the walls.

Then, it gets quiet. And you know he's busying himself, too. 

When in reality, San is wondering when he could talk to you a little more. He can't stop thinking about how cute you look in those pajamas. How much he just wanted to hug you and hold you close. 

To just be with you.

But instead, he lets out an audible sigh and continues working on his presentation for this meeting coming up for a new grant he's close to being rewarded. It takes him about another 45 minutes before he's done for the evening. He shuts off his computer and fixes his desk before heading out of his office to get cozy.

You don't really hear San moving around as much, so you figured he was deep in his work that you could head downstairs, clean up your dishes and grab another water bottle for the night. When you swing the door open, the door to San's office is open, and so is the room. You don't see San around, but you do faintly hear the shower going. You quietly shut the door and head down the steps with the dishes and empty water bottle in hand, instantly tossing the bottle into San's recycling bin. You wash the dishes instead of leaving them in the dishwasher, setting them neatly on San's drying rack next to the sink. Afterward, you dig into San's fridge for a new water bottle, quickly eyeing how stocked his fridge is.

"Hey." He looks at you as he comes down the steps slowly, running a small towel across his wet hair. Your eyes can't help but fall to his bare chest for a short moment, a shirt hanging on his broad shoulder. "Sorry, wasn't expecting you to be down here right at this moment." You shut the fridge door.

"Just wanted to grab some more water and wash your dishes." He nods.

"Is it too cold for you upstairs? Do you want me to turn up the heat?"

"No, it's alright. Thanks." He brushes past you, the scent of his body wash lingering in the air. He digs into the fridge and pulls out his own water bottle before twisting the cap open and taking a sip. You find yourself stuck in your position until thunder roars outside, lightning following shortly afterward. 

"Jeez." San says, looking at the weather outside. "Yeah, you definitely wouldn't be having a good time at your place in this."

"Not at all." He cocks his head to the side, trying to read the quiet tone you respond with.

"You scared of thunder?"

"No." You look at him with a look. "Not really." He cocks a brow up, still shirtless a few feet away from you. "Kinda. It's just really loud." He chuckles a bit.

"Well, you're safe here." You silently nod.

"Aren't you cold or something?" You avoid eye contact as you take another sip of your water.

"Not really. Why? Is this bothering you?" He smirks a bit and you roll your eyes.

"Please."

"Just curious." Is all he says with the smirk still on his face while taking another sip. You should be heading upstairs to mind your own business and sleep, distancing yourself from San like you had originally planned.

But, you can't.

And he can tell.

He stands in the kitchen, watching as you pause in your steps, turning back to face him.

"San?" 

"Yeah?" 

"Can I.. ask you something then?"

"What's up?" He gently sets his bottle back down, slipping into his t-shirt. Finally, you think. It's hard when your attraction to him hasn't faded one bit.

"About that night.. with Zara."

"Oh." He simply says, leaning against the counter. "What about that night?"

"Did you mean that part?" You step closer to him. "You know, about the kiss."

"I did. It shouldn't have happened in the first place, and there was just a misunderstanding between us. I never meant to lead her on or anything, but I think she might've mistaken my actions for feelings."

"Oh." He sees you deflate a bit and he reaches out to brush your hair back. He does it slow, though. In case you don't want him near you, or you retract. But, you don't. You look at him like you've been needing him the same way he's needed you, and it relaxes him a bit.

"Y/N, I promise. It didn't mean anything. She kissed me first and I didn't really have time to react right away. It sounds stupid, and I was drunk. But, it meant nothing to me. And I told her the truth." His hand rests on your cheek and you lean into his touch. "Even throughout all of that, I just felt even more.. lonely and empty without you, I didn't really know how to cope with it."

"It made me feel like you two had something going on."

"No." He says softly. "I'm sorry, angel. I didn't mean to make you sad or upset over that." You pull away from his touch and look down at your feet.

"That's okay."

"Is it?" You nod. "I'm sorry for the way I came off that night, too. I didn't mean to overwhelm you or anything."

"That's okay, San." You respond close to a whisper.

"I thought you were done with me."

"No. I've just been doing what you insisted in the first place." He sighs, his hand dropping down from your cheek.

Things shouldn't be this complicated, and he's afraid he doesn't care much about the repercussions anymore. Time has passed, and his feelings haven't changed.

It shouldn't be like this.

"Anyway. Should probably head back upstairs." There's a sense of defeat in your tone and San can feel it, too. He simply nods, fighting with himself to gain the courage to just ask you to join him in bed tonight so you can talk, catch up. 

So he can say sorry.

So he can get you back.

Because that's all he wants, and that's all he's ever cared for.

Why he chose today in particular, he isn't sure. But, the storm, the gloomy days and the rain all reminded him of the way he'd be feeling lately and how tired he was of it.

San quietly follows you up the steps, every step closer and closer to shattering through the invisible glass floor he walks on.

Fuck this.

"Hey. Why don't you—" San begins, but it comes out at the same exact time you hit him with the—

"Actually. Is it okay if I join you?" The both of you pause, looking at each other with a sort of need, a sort of long time longing and yearning.

"You sure?"

"Mhm."

"Yeah, of course." You rub at your arm as you slowly walk into the room after him, awkwardly standing at the end of his bed as if you hadn't slept there before. "You can get comfortable, Y/N. You don't have to do that."

"Sorry, it's just been awhile."

"That's okay." He pulls back the covers and gives you a moment to slip in before he does. He adjusts a bit, making sure to leave some space in between in case you were uncomfortable, but the distance only has you feeling empty. Lonely. "Gotta make sure the thunder doesn't get you."

"Funny." You turn to him and glare, making him laugh a bit. The photo on his nightstand catches your attention— it's a photo you two took on your trip to the Baskin Conference. He must have caught on because his eyes travel down to the photo and he smiles toothlessly.

"It's my favorite picture."

"It's mine, too." You respond softly while looking at San in front of you. His eyes are roaming around, eyeing your features. "So, are you and Zara still friends?" He shrugs.

"I don't really know. I haven't talked to her. It's pretty awkward and I know I hurt her, so I don't know if she necessarily wants me around."

"Sorry."

"Don't be."

"She's always had it for you, San. And I almost thought you two were better off. I thought it'd end up that way when we broke up." He shakes his head.

"Nah. I've only been concerned about one person and that has never changed since everything happened." He says, close to a whisper. His hand comes to your cheek again, gently caresses the surface with his thumb. The space in between you two feels so cold, and it makes you realize you don't wanna be this far from San.

You don't want anything to keep you two apart anymore.

"I wanna talk to you about that day, too. When we were in the car."

"Okay." 

"There were so many things happening that I just needed to protect you from." He brushes the hair away from your face. "Please know that I never wanted it to happen, and that I never had any plans to leave. I just had to do what was right because I was scared for you first and foremost. I didn't want you to get hurt, I didn't want anything to happen to you."

"I know, San. I'm sorry." You whisper. "I was too hurt to realize it at first, but I know you were just trying to protect me and do what was best." He licks his lips and continues to maintain eye contact.

"But, trust me. I wouldn't have if I truly didn't have to, angel. You were and have always been the most important person. That hasn't changed." You lean into his touch, turning your head to gently lay a kiss on the palm of his hand— scooting into his arms when he pulls you into them.

And it feels like home all over again.

"San."

"Yeah, love?"

"I don't wanna do this anymore."

"I don't either." You feel the tears welling up in your lids, a few already streaking down your cheeks. The only difference this time around is that San is here to wipe it away, to comfort you, to physically reassure you that he has always been here regardless of the circumstances.

"I'm tired of crying over you, I'm tired of missing us."

"I hated seeing you cry. I don't want you to cry."  He whispers.

"Then, what're we supposed to do, San?" You ask at a whisper and he continues to cup your cheek.

"You're transferring, love. Things will change, and I don't think it'll be as bad as it was before."

"I know, but we shouldn't be reckless anymore. Regardless if I'm transferring."

"I won't. We won't. I can't keep going like this, baby. It's the hardest thing I've ever had to do and I don't wanna do it anymore." He shakes his head. "I can't lose you for good. I can't."

"You won't."

"Good, cause I don't plan to." He says lowly, caressing your cheek before bringing your lips to his for a sweet, soft kiss.

You missed this, and you missed San. And your body must have too, because it reacts instantly to his touch. His kiss.

He holds you close, his body heat keeping you warm under the sheets. He cups your cheek and presses soft, feathery kisses to your eye, cheek.

Nose.

Lips.

"Missed you, sweetheart."

"Missed you too, Sannie."

"Yeah?" He whispers, continuing to plant sweet kisses across your face, down your neck.

Soon, your shirt is off and so is San's. He takes his time caressing your body, feeling every inch that he can. 

Lips gently dragging across your skin like a paintbrush against the canvas; painting you with sweet, love marks— kisses that are meant to close and heal each wound from the past months.

You and San take your time indulging in each other. The kisses are slow, the touches are gentle. The actions are sweet. He hovers over you, careful not to put his entire weight down while he kisses down to your chest— tongue swirling around your perked buds one at a time before gently pulling back with a pop. His thumb is slowly rubbing at your heat as he continues his trail down, two digits slipping in just to feel how wet you are for him— how ready you are for him. His lips are grazing yours as he slightly picks up the pace; just enough for you to feel his fingers curling at the right spots, dragging them in and out at a overwhelmingly pleasurable pace to start you off.

He takes his time. His focus is on you, not himself.

When you beg him to keep going, he teases you a bit with his cock— slipping and sliding in between your folds with intention, nudging his tip ever so slightly into your entrance before repeating his motions a few more times. He lets out a low moan when he sees how much you're yearning for him, how much your eyes are pleading him for him to give you more and more— slowly easing himself into the space that was made for him and him only until he bottoms out, your pussy swallowing him whole. He pauses for a second, now lowering himself back down onto your body so he can hold you close. The both of you wrap your arms around each other as he starts at a slow and steady pace— letting you feel every inch of him, every part of him that missed you so terribly and so deeply. 

He praises you in your ear, keeping you close, holding you close; making sure he won't ever let you go again. Everything about it is so sensual, so intimate, and there's nowhere else you'd rather be than in San's arms. He continues slowly, deeply, laying more kisses across the skin of your neck and jaw.

Back up to your cheeks, eyes.

Nose. 

Lips. 

“Can you be a good girl and turn around for me, baby? Hm?” He says and hums lowly. “Please.” He pleads, just as he presses his lips onto yours for a heated, open-mouthed kiss. You do as he asks, flipping onto your stomach while you press your cheek against the pillow. His large hands roam up your body, leaving kisses in a fiery trail from your lower back— up to your shoulder blades and the sides of your neck. He reconnects your bodies as one, your mouth falling agape as he lets out a deep moan. You’ve got a leg bent up, with the other straight— San’s hands resting on your thigh and hip as he slides his thick cock in and out of you. He’s quick to find his rhythm, moans and repeated whines filling the walls of the bedroom.

"Y/N." San lowers himself to grip your chin, back pressed against his chest. He whispers in your ear as he rolls his hips into you from behind harshly, an arm now wrapped around you to keep you as close as possible.

"Sannie." You breathe out repeatedly. He pants, the low moans and whimpers echoing in the space of the room. 

Bodies slick with sweat. 

San moves to the side, pressing his lips against your temple just before letting out another guttural groan at the way your walls squeeze him so perfectly, pushing him right at the edge.

Heaven sent.

"Y/N." He repeats your name, his words are choked; he feels himself tipping over, coil ready to snap any second. His dick slick with your wetness every time he drags in and out. "I love you." He says. "I love you, baby." He repeats over and over, and over, and over again. Until it sinks into your skin, into those wounds. 

Until it bleeds deep into your soul.

"I love you too, San."

In the following weeks, you find yourself busy as can be in Professor Kim's lab. You were able to pull your transfer application and all the required documents together within the two week timeframe given, along with participating in meetings with Professor Qi to slowly start getting yourself acclimated to her lab, her work and the clinical department you'd be working heavily in.  

To say you are exhausted would be an understatement.

But, having San back by your side helps a lot. 

You and San have been very secretive about your relationship for very obvious reasons; despite you pretty much having the transfer in your pocket and being the next step in your career, you were still scared. You stopped having San pick you up on campus, opting to drive to his place and slipping your car into the garage while San would leave his cars out. You wouldn't mention San to anyone, you wouldn't talk about his lab, you wouldn't do anything except focus on yourself, your work in Professor Kim's lab and making preparations to move.

After hours— it was different.

Barely can keep your hands off of each other within the walls of San's home, making up for lost time. Constantly in each other's space, afraid to let go in case the other wanders too far away. But, you could never. San could never.

"Sannie." You giggle when San wraps his arms around you from behind and kisses you against the forehead, cheek, jaw. His hands roam around your body, caressing and squeezing every inch he possible can. 

"Why are you rushing out?"

"Uh, because I have things to do. Like you do." You laugh.

"5 minutes."

"5 minutes and we'll both be late. No." He whines and pouts.

"No fun."

"I'll see you later, yeah?" You turn to face him after getting your things together. "Have a good day." San continues to pout.

"You too, baby." You laugh and start heading out of the room. San follows, tying the tie around his neck properly. "What time are you planning to come, anyway?"

"I promised my friends I'd get dinner with them, so after?"

"Hm." He hums. "Okay, love."

"But, at least I won't have an early start tomorrow."

"Thank god. Cause I got plans for tonight." You smile and caress his chin before giving him another quick peck to the lips. 

"I love you." You say softly when you pull back briefly.

"I love you, too." San smiles, losing his pout completely when he hears you say those words. It could literally fuel his entire day— which, he'll need with all the back-to-back meetings he has today.

When you get to campus, you head straight to class— grabbing a parfait on the way over. It seems to be a pretty busy day on campus, being that it was nearly impossible to find parking, and all your favorite quick cafés seemed to be packed with people. You find that there are multiple symposiums going on, along with other important events around campus. Class isn't too bad, and it goes by a lot quicker with the last half being small group breakouts and assignments that need to be completed before class ends. Afterward, you hurry on to the lab, hoping to snag one of the small conference rooms for your check-in with Professor Qi.

Except, you run into a minor roadblock— one that you very much want to confront head on instead of ignoring it like you typically do.

"Professor Lee?" You turn to Iseul as you tuck your books to your chest. She turns over her shoulder to look at you, brows knitted tightly together as if she's already annoyed that you're calling for her attention. And if she is, you couldn't give a fuck. Because she isn't gonna like what's gonna come out of your mouth next, and you hope it finally sinks into her thick ass skull.

"Yes?" She checks her watch. "Can we make this brief? I'm heading to a meeting."

"Don't worry, I don't care to take up much of your time." You give her a small smile. "Thank you for your support with my move to Professor Qi's lab at Mirae. Seems like after all the trouble you went through to try and air out my business, it only brought me to better opportunities. I'm not going anywhere and so isn't San." She's glaring at you now, watching your every move in total disgust.

"Very bold move of you to come up to me and waste my time on the way to a meeting."

"Also very bold of you to meddle in his business after everything you've put him through."

"You have no right to speak on that."

"And you had no right to involve yourself in something that doesn't concern you." You pause. "Just so we're clear on this." You step a little closer and tilt your head to the side. "You can do whatever you want, however you want. I'm not gonna let you take his happiness away again." She rolls her eyes and shakes her head, turning to her watch again.

"I’ll assume this is done." You give her a toothless smile before she storms off, pulling her phone out of her pocket. Although she probably won't give this another thought, you felt accomplished having released that from your chest. But little do you know, she hates it, and she hates it because she only thought she was doing the right thing.

Now, she's the enemy and everyone sees her and Yunho as that.

you: hey.

You pull out your phone as you scurry along to the conference room, still having enough time to spare before your check-in with Professor Qi. San texts back almost instantly even though he's definitely in a Zoom meeting right now, making you chuckle to yourself.

He will always make time for you, regardless.

san: hey baby. what's up?

you: sorry, wasn't expecting you to answer mid-meeting.

san: it's alright, i can do both. you okay?

you: i am.

you: i just wanna say i really appreciate you, san.

san: all of a sudden? 😂 i appreciate you too, love. more than you know.

you: yeah. 🥹 i love you.

san: i love you too, sweet girl.

—taglist: @asjkdk @interweab @woojirang @svintsandghosts @cheolliehugs @persphonesorchid @mxnsxngie @jycas @cowboydk @vcutparis @chngbnwf @struggling101 @sanhwalvr @angelqueendom @barbielibra @brown88 @choisansplushie @yunhoswrldddd @hyukssunflower @vickykazuya @lucid-galaxys-world @jaytheatiny @pommelex @thechaotictheoryy @vixensss @santineez @nopension @domfikeluva @in-somnias-world @my-atiny-kookie-rkive @mountiiny @naoristerling @onmymymyway @thecutiepieme @wyrated @randajjjad

[jehhskz]

At the dojo

summary: a little late night practice with your boyfriend

genre: fluffy smut drabble

warnings: fem! reader; smut, so mdni!

jé's note: i wanted to have a little something of mine for my baby's birthday, so i put two of my passions: karate kid universe + hyunjin together; also this is all pure delulu, i hope the description of the moves make sense 🥹

tagging: @doitforbangchan / @jeonginsleftcheek / @moonchild9350 / @athforskz i hope you enjoy this 💕

The sounds of shouts, strikes and falls were muffled and masked by the 80s rock music playlist that could be heard from outside. Your eyes widened and you nearly dropped the cake you were holding when you opened the dojo's door.

Just in time to watch when Hyunjin spun and struck another boy with a kick that sent him sprawling onto the tatami.

2 years of dating and a few competitions later and you still couldn’t say you were used to it. Even if he was the winner of most of them.

But you wouldn't lie, it had its perks too, like how gorgeous he looked all focused, sweaty and in his uniform. Or like he already taught you: his karategi.

It was all black and with no sleeves, so if there was a real champion here, it was you for not pouncing on him everytime he appeared dressed like that.

The boys clapped, cheering him and Hyunjin shook his head, looking down and chuckling. He was so adorable when he got all flustered like that.

You took your shoes off and kicked them behind as you stepped into the tatami, his eyes sparkled when he saw you there and he dashed in your direction. His face lit up, noticing the details of the cake.

“Ohh, look he has a buzz cut too” Felix pointed out when Hyunjin brought the cake to his friends to see. It was a square, with a little karate Hyunjin doll on top in a fighting pose.

“Thanks doll, I love it” Hyunjin smiled, handing the cake to Felix so he could hug and kiss you.

“I'm glad” You smiled at your boyfriend and then pulled away, pointing at him and the boys “Now, go clean up while I set it up”

The boys rushed to the locker room and you got yourself busy arranging everything you brought along with his cake. It didn’t take long until they came back, all freshened up but still wearing their training clothes.

Hyunjin pulled you to sit on his lap after you all sang Happy Birthday to him, and let you feed him bites of the cake. Stealing kisses between savoring the chocolate sweetness.

Some chat and lots of cake later, you offered to clean up while the boys went to change, it was pretty late already and the dojo would close soon.

You were walking out of the kitchen when Hyunjin abruptly blocked the way with his arm on the door when you were about to pass, it made you jolt in surprise.

“Jeez, jagi… you startled me” You sighed, placing a hand over your fast beating heart and he laughed.

He found it cute how easily you were startled, Hyunjin held you by your waist and leaned in to give you a little kiss, murmuring a sorry against your lips.

“I finished cleaning, we can leave now and…” You noticed everything was quiet, too quiet.

“Where are the boys? I thought they would wait for us to go celebrate” You looked over his shoulder, the dojo lights were dimmed and there was no sight of his friends. You gazed back at him and there it was… the grin.

Your heart skipped a beat instantly.

“We’ll meet them later” Hyunjin grabbed your hand, interwinning your fingers, he brought your hand to his lips, giving it a kiss and smirking.

“Right…” You murmured, letting him pull you back to the tatami.

“Now, guard up. We are gonna practice” He grinned again and totally caught you by surprise, you were expecting a kiss, but got a strike in the air instead.

“Jagiya!!” You whined after you jolted, stepping back “You almost hit me!”

“Baby, I could never hurt you”

Hyunjin chuckled, stopping in front of you and holding your wrists. He raised your arms, adjusting one slightly more up and in front of the other, then he looked at you.

“Just like that!” He smirked at you “Remember what I taught you, always keep your guard up”

You huffed and he chuckled again, leaning in for a kiss, but instead, he almost side struck you. None of it actually hit you, of course, he was just teasing you, he would never actually fight you since you were still pretty much a baby in the karate world.

Another chuckle, you rolled your eyes and tried to smack him, but he quickly grabbed your wrist.

“Second rule, don’t let the opponent distract you” He leaned closer, lips barely touching yours as he whispered, finally letting go of your wrist.

“Alright, let’s do it again” He stepped back.

“Hunf, like this?” You asked, letting your guard up like he positioned you previously.

Hyunjin nodded and this time you were alert when he turned to give a kick, his foot just slightly hit your forearm that you used to block him.

“That's my girl!” He cheered you up, making you smile.

You didn't let his praise distract you though, keeping your guard up, you defended yourself when he kicked again and even kicked too.

“Really good baby, keep up like that” He said, striking you with his hands now, luckily you were able to defend yourself from almost all of them, making your boyfriend very proud.

After some strikes and accidental smacks later, both of you were panting, so he decided to give you a quick break and ran to grab some water. He handed you a bottle, chugging his and leaving it down, before coming to stop in front of you.

“Alright baby, let’s keep going. Strike first” He said, getting in position to defend himself, expecting you’d smack him but instead, in the heat of the moment and catching him totally by surprise, you got down and stirred your leg out, giving him a sweep kick.

Hyunjin's squeal echoed through the dojo and you covered your mouth, your eyes widened as you looked at him sprawled down.

“Oh my God, jagi!” You approached him, a little panicked that you hurt him.

He had his eyes closed and let out a groan, his hand reaching out for yours.

“Jagi, I'm sorry I didn’t mean to… I…” You held his hand and started rambling, when he suddenly pulled you on top of him, his hands quickly snaked around your waist and he flipped you over.

“What did I say about not letting the opponent distract you?” He whispered, brushing his lips against yours before pulling back to look at you, that damn grin dancing on his lips.

His eyes were darker and the air was charged, your gaze traveled down to his lips, so pretty and inviting, you let out a sigh, watching him wet them before leaning down and kissing you. He pinned you down, his body pressing against yours as his tongue entered your mouth.

Your arms wrapped around his neck and you melted under him, Hyunjin swallowed your quiet moans when he started rolling his hips against yours.

Hyunjin smiled against your lips when he felt your fingers caressing his hair, his tongue playing with yours, he tilted his head to the side, deepening the kiss. You moaned, feeling his hardening cock pressing against you and his fingers sliding under your shirt.

Fingertips teased their way on your side and on your stomach, leaving a trail of tingles all over your skin. You arched up to him and his fingers reached your bra at the same time his lips left yours to trail down open mouth kisses on your neck.

He nibbled on the sensitive skin, his tongue running on the red little mark he just made. Your sounds made him want to mark you again, so he held your hair, fingers entangling on the strands and keeping your head tilted for him as he bit down on a spot a little under that one he just did.

Your hands slid down his chest and abs, fingers working quickly to untie the knot on his karategi “Take this off, I wanna feel you…”

Hyunjin chuckled lightly, helping you get rid of the fabric, he loved when you got like this, all desperate for him, hands freely roaming over his warm skin, feeling up his muscles, lips kissing whatever you could reach before you pulled him for another heated kiss, your nails lightly scratching the nape of his neck while you got drunk on the taste of him.

His hand found its way back under your shirt, squeezing your breast as he kept rolling his hips. He was so hard already and you were so soaked, the friction felt amazing, but you needed more, you needed him, all of him and none of those annoying clothes getting in your way.

Your little sounds were driving him crazy, and he was feeling the same way, impatient.

So his hands made their way to the hem of your shirt, he kneeled in between your legs and pulled the fabric up, tossing it behind him, your bra also getting the same destiny.

“Wanna be on top…” You breathlessly whispered and he twitched inside his pants. You gently pushed him to lay down, straddling him.

You smiled looking down at him, your heart fluttering while taking in his appearance, the red and swollen lips from kissing, the intense dark gaze staring back at you, a spark in them that mirrored your own. Damn, he was so pretty, you could devour him.

You nibbled on his lower lip, pulling slightly before sucking it, kissing him again. You touched his chest, let your nails tease their way down his abs, smirking, feeling his little shivers and twitches, his hands squeezed your waist and roamed up and down your sides, gripping on your hips, then your waist again and finally on his favorite destination.

You shifted on top of him, adjusting yourself better before starting to grind on him, kissing the corner of his mouth, his cheek and all the way to his jaw down to his neck, your moans muffled against his skin as he fondled your breasts.

“I love you…” Your whispers were barely audible, between licks and nibbles on his neck.

“I love you too, doll…” He whispered back, tilting his head to let you explore more freely “...a lot”

Hyunjin's hand reached up to your hair, fingers entangling in the strands as you trailed kisses and licks down his collarbone, chest and abs, taking your time, you made sure not a bit was missed, worshiping every inch of him.

He was gently pushing your head down, eager “Doll…”

“Yes, jagi?” You looked up at him, giving his lower abs a little kiss, your hands already on the waistline of his pants, playing with the elastic.

He pushed your head again and you chuckled lightly, loving his eagerness. You pulled his pants and boxers down to his ankles, and Hyunjin quickly kicked them down.

His cock slapped against his lower abs and you grabbed it in your hand, the pink tip was glistening with precum that you smeared with your thumb. You brought your lips to it, starting a trail of kisses from the base up until you wrapped your lips around his tip, feeling him twitch and grip on your hair, a low moan escaping his lips, he lifted his head, not wanting to miss a thing.

You loved his moans and reactions, sucking him like you were savoring a delicious lollipop, your tongue swirled around the head, licked all over it before sucking it again, feeling his grip on your hair getting tighter, you smirked, knowing how hard he was struggling to not push your head down.

“Fuck…” He moaned, biting down his lower lip while watching you lower your head, taking more of him

“Keep going baby, like that…”His tip hit the back of your throat and you almost gagged, pulling back in instinctic.

“Shh shh, that’s okay. Go slow…” He soothed you, the grip loosening up a little, but still on your head.

“Good?” He looked at you, searching for any signs of discomfort.

“Mhmm” You hummed, slowly taking more again, you started bobbing your head up and down, your hand stroking the base and the parts you couldn’t reach.

“My pretty girl, always so good to me…” His praise sent a jolt of arousal down to your core and you sucked harder.

You did your best to ignore your gag reflex, the tears gathering up in the corners of your eyes, just focusing on him and how good you wanted to make him feel. His moans, his shivers, his hand on your hair, the moments he got carried away and pushed you down, it was all so exciting, you didn't want to stop.

So that’s why you whined when he made you stop.

“Come on here, I wanna finish inside you” His words made you dizzy and you shook in anticipation. He held your hand, pulling you up to him.

He helped you get rid of your leggings and ruined panties, and you straddled him again. Holding his cock in your hand, you rubbed it against your slit, coating all over him, making you both moan.

You lowered yourself down slowly, so aroused that you welcomed him easily, taking in inch by delicious inch, until he bottomed out. Your palms rested on his chest and you started to ride him slowly, just enjoying the feeling of him stretching you out.

His hands held your hips in a tight grip that would surely leave marks for him to admire later.

“You feel so good, riding me like that…” He started guiding you, making you go faster and you did your best to not embarrass yourself and finish right there.

Yeah, it happened before… It happened quite a lot, actually.

Especially when you had him under you, all disheveled and moaning like that.

“So fucking tight…”

Hyunjin would - affectionately - tease you about it, just because. But the truth was, he found it extremely endearing to have such power over you, how easily he could make you aroused, how easily he could make you cum.

He grinned, watching you bouncing on top of him, he knew you were struggling to hold back, to make it last.

“You're amazing, doll. Just like that, yeah…” He forced you to go faster and you almost lost your little self control. He breathlessly chuckled.

You'd fight him, if your mind wasn't so fogged up. He slowed you down when he noticed it was becoming too much, giving you a moment to breath and calm down before bucking his hips up and starting again.

He suddenly sat up, wrapping his arms around your waist, holding you close to him, he captured your lips in a sloppy kiss, while his hips kept bucking up to meet with yours. You threw your arms over his shoulders, breaking the kiss, resting your forehead against his, your hitched breaths mingling, the sounds of you two and skin slapping against each other echoed through the dojo.

In that moment, you even forgot where you were, lost in your own little world where all that mattered was you and him. He felt the same, lowering his head down, brushing his lips on your collarbone, he trailed his way down to your breast, latching his lips around your perked nipple, sucking at it, your hand went for his hair, the palm stroking gently, feeling tingles because of the spikes.

He kept sucking as he adjusted you on his lap, making your clit drag against him at every move, driving you wild. He knew you were close, your moans were getting louder and you were clenching around him.

“Fuck, Jinni…”

You couldn’t hold back anymore, you tried to warn him, but it was cut short when your pleasure hit you like a tidal wave washing over you. He groaned at how tight you clenched on his cock, his grip around you got tighter and his lips kept alternating between both breasts.

Your legs were shaky and you suddenly were being laid on your back “Oh my God” You breathed out, Hyunjin was still on you and he started pounding like crazy.

He held under your thigh, angling up to thrust deeper into you and started rubbing tight circles on your clit with your fingers. 

“Too much… jagi… too much…” You cried out. You barely came down from your high and he was sending you back up again.

“Shh shh, I've got you baby. Let go, let go for me” His tone was soothing but his pace was maddening, pushing you over the edge.

It happened suddenly, with a loud cry out of his name, your whole body shook and you melted under him again, followed by his own release filling you up before he collapsed on top of you. Your arms wrapped around him, pulling him close, you kissed him lazily, whispering against his lips.

“Happy birthday, jagi. I love you”

"You got distracted again" He teased you, burying his face on your shoulder.

"Jagiii" You whined.

"I'm just kidding doll, I love you too" He smiled, giving a lingering kiss on your shoulder.

[meazalykov]

nothing straight

catarina macario x uswnt!reader

warnings: reader being very downbad. best friends to lovers.

since being called up to the uswnt in 2018, you’ve become a world cup winner, and an olympic bronze medalist. you’ve done more by your early-twenties than some people dream of their whole lives.  

yet it always felt like you were alone.  

you weren’t, not really. you had mallory who was your closest friend on the team for years. the two of you had inside jokes, a rhythm on the field, and memories from nearly every camp. however, she had a boyfriend who she mainly paid attention to. it was a serious relationship. when camp ended, your close friend went back to chicago while you returned to barcelona.  

you'd grown used to the ocean between you and everyone else. it was a quiet loneliness, the kind you dressed in smiles and gold medals.  eveyrone on the roster always played for an NWSL club, while your name always had a european one attached to it. you were distant from everyone, having different experience.

in 2021, many new names were being called up to the roster since the olympics were over and the coach needed to start the world cup prep happening in two years. with that call up, you heard a new name for the first time… catarina macario.

you didn’t expect much. rookies came and went, but when she started showing up to every training session with that unbothered look on her face. cool, calculating, and smart…you got annoyed. 

especially when she kept beating you in drills. somehow she was always just a step ahead. that smirk she gave you always pissed you of.

catarina is only a year older than you, you wondered how she was not called up to the senior team before.

however, the attitude of hers is how you both became best friends.  

the rivalry was playful, somewhat annoying, very magnetic. as time went on, it became more. she was your shadow at camp, your roommate during travel games, your pre-game playlist partner. when everyone else slept, you stayed up talking about your lives in back europe, trading barcelona and lyon stories. 

national camp became something to look forward to, because cat would be there. however, the more time passed, the more your teammates started seeing things you didn’t.  

they all saw the way you looked at her and the way she looked at you. they all saw the way your hand stayed on her arm a second too long during stretches. everyone seen the way she always sat next to you, always leaned her head on your shoulder during rest time.  

everyone knew, though you didn’t or maybe… you were just too afraid to say it aloud.  

unfortunately, cat tore her acl a year after you met her.  

you were still in barcelona when it happened. you watched the replay on your phone, alone in your apartment. you knew immediately.  

you cried knowing the consequence but not in front of anyone. when you flew to lyon to see her? when she sat in that brace, eyes tired, voice trying to stay strong? you broke. of course you had quiet sobs in her arms, and her holding you like you were the one who got hurt instead of her.  

you were in love with her. you knew it then but you kept it quiet for two years.  

barcelona was home for four years, but you finally left in 2023, signing with chelsea.  

why? you said you wanted a new challenge. a new league. what you did not know was that catarina wanted the same thing after lyon… she also chose chelsea.

the thing with being around cat every day was that it made hiding your feelings impossible.  

“fuck… i’m in love with my best friend,” you whispered to yourself one night in your apartment living room. you thought you were alone in the room, while your friends were in the kitchen.  

“yeah. no shit,” sam said entering your living room.  

you flinched.  

“what?”  

“you heard me,” she smirked, “it’s obvious. even kristie said so, and she usually misses everything.”  

you tried to laugh it off, “you guys are just reading into things—”  

“no. you’re just terrified but she’s literally in love with you, you idiot,” sam added, grabbing her water from the coffee table, “talk to her or at least stop eye-fucking her during tactical meetings.”  

you didn’t talk to cat about your feelings at all until one night in 2024.  

it was the post-match. everyone had left to go home after the win against arsenal. london stayed blue (as it should). catarina and you were the only ones still left in the locker room. this wasn’t new. you both liked quiet and liked staying late, never rushing to leave.  

however, this night nearly crushed you.

she had her sports bra on, joggers on and hugging her hips, leaning against the bench, scrolling through her phone.  

your eyes were on her abs and on the curve of her hips… and on her lips. when your gaze lingered too long, she looked up and caught you.  

“what was that?” she asked, voice smooth. teasing.  

“what was what?” you asked, already folding under pressure.  

“that look.” she put her phone down, stepped closer, “you don’t look at anyone else like that.”  

you swallowed hard, “cat, i don’t know what you mean.”  

she tilted her head, “okay sure…you’re bold with everyone else and you don’t take shit from anyone but with me you are somehow the opposite?”  

you blinked.  

“you get all shy. all soft,” she whispered, stepping even closer. the woman’s bare arm brushed against yours, “why’s that?”  

you wanted to speak but you couldn’t.  

she reached down in front of you and tucked a piece of hair behind your ear, “you gonna answer me, y/n?”  

your voice came out small, “fuck… it’s because i love you, ok?”  

the air left her lungs like a laugh and a sigh combined. cat’s hand dropped from your face to your waist.  

“took you long enough.”  

quickly, her lips were on yours.  

they were soft at first. tentative. it felt like a question.  

luckily you answered with your whole body, tilting your head, pressing into her.  

you kissed her like you had been waiting years because you had.  

your hands found her hips, hers slid along your spine. macario’s tongue brushed yours and you gasped against her lips, pulling her in closer. the kiss deepened and slowed. after a few minutes, you pulled away with your forehead pressed against hers, you both caught your breath.  

cat’s fingers grazed your bare waist, the hem of your shirt bunched in her palm. your hand splayed over her ribs, the heat of her skin grounding you.  

it felt like a dream.  

you could’ve stayed like that forever…half-clothed, sweaty from the match, stealing kisses in a dimly lit locker room.  

suddenly, she grinned. that damn grin that your bestfriend loves doing.  

“i can’t believe you never told me your feelings, you jerk.”  

you rolled your eyes, breathless, “i thought you wouldn’t like me back.”  

“why not?”  

“i don’t know. i thought you were just… fooling around. maybe straight.”  

she laughed, “you look and act more straight than i do.”  

she wasn’t wrong.  

“i don’t think there’s anything straight about the way i feel about you, cat,” you whispered.  

she leaned in again, kissed you softer this time.  

“good,” she murmured, “because there’s nothing straight about how i feel about you either.”  

masterlist

[n0vazsq]

The art of rivalry | MV1 x Reader

pairing . . . max verstappen x rival!reader

summary . . . You and Max have always been rivals, whether it was over the smallest things or actual competition. However, when you're stranded with him under an umbrella that barely fits you both in the midst of a rainstorm, you start to wonder if everything between you has to be a game to win

request . . . no!!

warnings . . . none!

faceclaim . . . N/A

alexavia yaps . . . !PART OF MINI FIC SERIES! stop i love this sm?? i hope you guys like it!!

. . . It started small.

Who could send a text reply faster? Who could finish their food first? Who could wear their shoes the fastest? Harmless, dumb little competitions that Max turned into a full blown rivalry before you even noticed.

Then, it escalated.

"I bet I can find parking faster than you."

"First one to finish their gym session picks the next movie."

Even completely random things; who could guess the next song on the playlist, who could hold their breath underwater longer, who could predict the exact time their food would arrive. Max had to win. Every. Single. Time.

But today is different.

You two had gone out for a simple walk around town, but of course, you were competing to see who could find a suitable coffee shop the fastest. However, halfway through your walk, a storm comes out of nowhere and nearly drowns you two in water, but luckily you found a tiny shop with an awning big enough to cover you both.

The rain is relentless, pouring so hard it drowns out your footsteps as you continue your walk side by side. Max, the genius problem solver, holds up the umbrella he bought from the convenince store down the street, but it's his umbrella; too small to fully cover you both. He tilts it toward you instinctively, but that means his shoulder is completely exposed.

"Max, you're getting soaked," you point out, concern etching your face.

He shrugs, clearly unbothered that his shoulder is soaking wet. "So? Not like it's a competition."

That makes you laugh, shaking your head. "Everything's a competition with you."

Max grins, turning slightly to face you, nudging your arm slightly. "Fine. If I get sick first, you win."

You roll your eyes but grab the umbrella handle, pulling it more toward the middle to keep him covered too. It's such a small thing, barely anything at all, but for once, neither of you feels the need to turn it into a game.

Now, it's just the quiet sound of rain, the warmth of being so close to each other, and the realization that maybe… not everything has to be a competition.

Maybe this is one challenge Max doesn't mind losing.

taglist . . . @barcapix ,, @f1lover55 ,, @ilovebarcaaaa ,, @httpsdana ,, @paucubarsisimp ,, @justaf1girl ,, @awritingtree ,, @freyathehuntress ,, @chilling-seavey ,, @eloriis ,, @linnygirl09 (lmk if you want to join the taglist!)

[wackywatchdotcom]

ive posted so much every single day on this blog for weeks now i feel weird having barely posted today . ive been busy but uhhh heres a random image i never posted from my tadc art folder?

[kiss-me-muchoo]

𝐜𝐫𝐞𝐬𝐜𝐞𝐧𝐭 || 𝐇𝐚𝐧 𝐘𝐮𝐧 𝐉𝐚𝐞 𝐗 𝐟𝐞𝐦!𝐫𝐞𝐚𝐝𝐞𝐫

summary_ no matter what, you’d never be his priority, after Balhae, you decide it’s time to leave him behind and when he wakes up alone, he realizes how stupid it would be live without you.

warnings_ AGE GAP (not specific but implied early 20s), ANGST, SPOILERS, blood, sex pollen lol, BAD smut (not heavily detailed bc I’m lazy), biotechnology inaccuracies, etc, plot twist at the end, NO PROOFREADING YET.

notes_oh to be in a doomed abandoned space station with gong yoo and making him fall in love with me // I refuse to accept there isn’t season two of the silent sea and that Yun Jae is dead + using salesman tags to avoid the flop.

♫ ♪ the worst playlist 4 gong yoo

✰ Index (+ fics here)

✦ . 　⁺ 　 . ✦ . 　⁺ 　 . ✦ . 　⁺ 　 . ✦ . 　

You can’t breathe.

Your hands shake in panic and you start violently tapping at the glass in the window.

“DON’T DO THIS!” You scream with evident pain in your voice.

He only eyes you with something you can’t identify. It’s either guilt or sorry, you guess.

“Please, don’t leave me alone again…” he hears you say.

But he prefers to let you live.

Yun Jae barely eyes you, but he’s suffering too.

The worst part? He wanted to make you believe it so badly. And you do…

Jian grabs you by the waist and urges you to get out with Dr. Hong and Luna. You sob and the sweat mixes with the tears as you make everything not fall apart amidst the escape of Balhae.

You see the moon, the stars, the freezing water, and the darkness of space. If you were on earth, you know it’d be crescent.

How can a place so beautiful cause so much pain?

“We have to keep going, y/n,” Dr. Hong says, patting your back and seeing if you are correctly breathing to save oxygen. “Hold the tears, y/n. You can’t lose oxygen now…”

She doesn’t mean to sound insensitive, you know it.

Yun Jae gave you the signals the moment you met him. It was you who thought he could change. By the grace of love, only silly you thought that was possible.

And as you lose oxygen because you can’t stop sobbing, you understand you were never his priority.

…

Your hand never let go of his. Your touch is warm and he remains cold as ice. The reports can’t assure he will get better. The rescue was full of tension and you couldn’t even remember the moment your feet touched the earth. It felt like the woman who boarded the spaceship and the one who returned were two different people. You got scared, of becoming trapped in the horrors of the memories in Balhae.

His daughter died two days before you got rescued. The body was still being held, in hopes Yun Jae awakened and decided what to do. Without water, even funerals had changed. You didn’t want to be the person to tell him the news, you didn’t want to care for him if he showed progress. Just looking at him being in the middle of life and death made you feel sick.

Your heart was beyond broken and your mind was holding you hostage of your own memories. You wanted to go back home.

And when the doctor returned with reports of Yun Jae likely waking up in the following days, you just got a reason to leave.

You eye the man you love one last time and tears pool in your eyes. You deserved to be free from any trace of pain. And of anyone who caused said pain, even when probably it wasn’t their intention.

Your lips leave a gentle kiss on his cheek and you hold your breath as you leave the cold hospital room. Through the corridors, as you walk, you cross into a familiar person.

“Jian…” she looks up and briefly smiles at you before returning to her usual face. Her hair looked longer and there was an improvement on her, she looked less shy and less quiet. “Y/n…”

“How is Yun Jae?” You sigh, remembering the reason why you were leaving the hospital. “He’s officially stable, he’ll likely wake up in a couple of days…”

“Aren’t you happy?” She asks, showing shyness once again but also curiosity.

“I’m going back home…” her eyes snap open. “What? Why, y/n?”

“I can’t be here when he wakes up” You barely hear yourself, Jian only sighs. “I miss my home, my family. I’m tired of waiting for a man and needing him to love me back”

She looks understanding, and Jian slowly nods.

“I understand” She offers you her hand to shake and it’s enough to make you smile because you consider the gesture as a silent ‘We’re friends’.

“I will call from time to time” She nods as you smile at her. “And no matter what, if Yun Jae wakes up, you don’t know where I am”

The agreement disclosure isn’t much of Jian’s liking. She believes Yun Jae loves you too. But she had said it to you multiple times in Balhae and you never believed her.

“Take care of Luna” you lastly say.

“She’s in good hands” Both of you smile again before you leave.

Your throat feels sore, and you feel like you are choking as you try to reach the exit of the hospital.

When you feel like you can’t take it anymore, you start jogging towards a restroom. You lock inside a stall. The quiet public space is interrupted by the disgusting sound of you vomiting.

Curious thing, your vomit was transparent liquid. Just water…

[one month ago]

To say the place you were habituating was cursed, was right. Balhae had proven to be a mystery and danger in less than twenty-four hours. Two people of the crew had died. You barely knew anyone and the captain was the last person you wanted to interact with. Han Yun Jae and you met in a bar. Where drinks were expensive, people judged and everyone mourned something. He grew curious because you looked young and too sane to have access to fine drinks. But it was you who exchanged the first words. There wasn’t much talk before you ended up naked and letting him fuck you in your apartment. He was soft and rough, his hair fell upon his forehead and he prioritized your pleasure before his.

Until there was no trace of him in the morning.

No note, message, nothing.

But why were you expecting such things for starters? He was a man after all…

So when you realized it was too late to back up from going to space, you accepted Han Yun Jae would be your captain whether you liked it or not.

“Do you have the map?” He asks, pointing at the dark alleyway with his flashlight before returning his attention to you.

“I thought everyone had it” he has eyes like you he’s facing the most stupid person in the world. You simply shrug uncomfortably, ignoring his eyes.

“Yes. But I’m specifically asking if you downloaded it” You resist the urge to roll your eyes and huff in annoyance.

“I have it downloaded. Happy?”

“That attitude won’t get us to the food storage,” he says and your hands form firsts. Before stepping closer to him.

“Then fucking stop judging every step I give!”

“I’m not” Yun Jae firmly says.

“Every single time. I know things are hard for everyone, mate. It sucks we had to lose two crew members so early. And I’m sorry we have to work together after our one-night stand. But I know what my job is and I don’t need you picking on me because you think I’m gonna mess up everything” The anger in your voice was hard to miss.

“Once we’re all settled in, we should talk” he attempts, but you won’t agree.

“There’s nothing to talk about” You push past Yun Jae and quietly continue following the path to the food storage.

The captain only stares as you walk away, hands on his hips and sighing in defeat.

He just wanted to protect you.

…

A trail of blood grows as Tae Suk and Yun Jae pull you up, you had just gotten out of the basement where all the lunar water was.

You start holding the tears as your brain processes the pain and you look at your leg.

“You’re losing blood” Doctor Hong alerted, moving you away so the rest of the crew could get out of the growing flooded basement.

“The plant…” you barely say.

“That’s not important right now,” Yun Jae says getting into you and Doctor Hong. You barely eye him, but you know he was fixated on you. “Tae Suk, help me out here…”

Both men slide their arms under your armpits and tangle them around your waist to help you stand up.

“Yun Jae, please bring the plant” you plead with him, starting to see blurred spots through your vision.

He doesn’t reply. The man feels his heart beating faster as your body starts feeling heavier.

He almost yelled when he heard you slipped from the emergency stairs. With the panic of water flooding the place and the mysterious intruder in the base, Yun Jae was hyperventilating when you came out, your suit ripped all the way up your left leg, and blood washing the floor.

Once the door was locked again, he took a breath, the way to the medical aisle felt shorter. Doctor Hong stepped in and helped to place you on a stretcher. You are awake but it was evident you were disassociating.

“I’ll take it from here” the doctor announced and everyone stepped back, except for Yun Jae.

“Is she going to be okay?” Both women apart from you looked at him with subtle arched brows. Soon Jian connected the dots and repressed a smile.

“I promise”

…

Without the sense of time passing, you find yourself in endless agony until the serum pumping through your veins finishes. You remove the needle yourself and it stings, but not as much as your wounded leg.

It was a fluke you could walk without much problem, but the area would be sore for a couple of days, and the suit wasn’t necessarily the most comfortable thing to wear.

Anyhow, the plant found in the basement under the database of Balhae rested in a crystal case on a table near the stretcher you were placed in.

Soon you are dressed again, in joggers and a tank top, but there are gloves, goggles, and a face mask covering you.

The leaves of the plant were oddly thin, the green was just too bright that you almost considered identifying them as neon green. It was dangerous to conduct research given that some of the lunar water must be included in the plant’s DNA.

You���re so concentrated in the process that you don’t see a figure entering the lab.

“How dangerous is the research?” You jump out startled. Your hands drop the cold tweezers and hold onto the table.

Yun Jae stands there, cautiously looking at the plant.

“You scared me to death…” you say, ignoring his question until your heartbeats return to normal. He waits until you take off the gloves and goggles. “It’s not as dangerous as the lunar water. Seems to be less invasive and corrosive”

He nods before tilting his head. You were trying your best to ignore him. But your hands start sweating, a good indicator of how nervous he made you.

“Listen, y/n… I feel like we need to-”

“I don’t want to talk about it” you firmly say, interrupting him and taking the tweezers again.

“Do you regret it?”

Yun Jae was never good enough with words. He lacked the emotional vulnerability to speak his mind. But he was a sensible man, only that he unconsciously locked himself so nobody could see that.

He didn’t know why he suddenly needed to be okay with you. He couldn’t say loved you, he barely knew you, but he was growing fond of you too quickly.

And you hadn’t answered yet…

You contemplate answering. But you don’t…

“I said I didn’t want to talk about it” You carefully grab the plant, rushing to move away from Yun Jae.

But he had other plans.

First, you felt his big hands on you. Left on your hip and right on your forearm. He made you turn back to face him and you stare nervously.

If tension could speak, it would scream.

The proximity was making you even more nervous. And how couldn’t he?

Yun Jae was handsome; tall, had warm eyes, and confident touch. If he hadn’t left without a trace a month ago, you would’ve believed he was a gentleman.

“What are you doing?” You ask.

You can feel the plant in a case being the only thing between, preventing your chests collide with each other.

He doesn’t answer. He just feels your fingers shaking, holding the plant to dear life.

Why he just couldn’t say that he cared for you and never wanted to hurt you in the first place?

“Smells sweet…” he says and you frown, confused. Until the smell hits you and you realize both of you have been inhaling the toxins of the plants without any protection.

“Shit…” you drop the plant and the case shatters, the crystal cracking into million pieces. But not even the loud sound came to be important because the moment you raised your head, you had Yun Jae kissing you.

It took you by surprise at the beginning. And when you were about to pull backward, you felt it.

The warmth growing from your chest down through your ribs, until it has you feeling wet… down there.

Yun Jae gets closer, taking advantage of the proximity, and holds your waist.

You were melting, unable to control the sudden sensation of carnally needing him so bad.

The plant was an aphrodisiac?

“Yun Jae… the plant” you try to say, but he can’t stop kissing you. And you weren’t doing much to stop it.

Your ass was pressed against the table, you want to lay on it and spread your legs for him, but there was a little auto control in your left.

“Let me have you,” he says, almost whispering. You know he’s not thinking straight, but he means everything his mouth says until the effects pass.

The next three hours feel like five minutes. The abandoned dorms were untouched, and clean, and had bunks big enough to allow Yun Jae to fuck you over there.

On your back, on your side, on all fours, on top, you did everything. Until that moment you realized women were capable of so many orgasms.

Maybe both of you passed out when the effects of the plant subsided.

“Why you didn’t leave a note or anything?” you’d ask after waking up in his arms and feeling him holding your hand.

“I wanted to stay” he answers, sounding honest enough to believe it.

“Then why you didn’t?” Yun Jae chuckled.

“I had accepted the mission of Balhae a day ago, I thought I was never seeing you again” you smile, happy to finally understand him. “It was better to leave rather than stay and get to know you. With no attachments, this would be easier, but…” you nod, kissing his cheek.

“Can I get to know you now? Given that we’re straddled in the moon…” he chuckles again, kissing your temple this time.

“Yeah, I think that’d be fair”

You wonder how much time both of you have left before the crew starts asking where the hell the two of you are.

“And if we live enough to go back home, let me take you out…”

“Like a date?” he rolls his eyes but ends up nodding while smiling.

[In the present…]

The sky was always dusty and the heat was unbearable, but the government had implemented a way to protect the households from overheating. Your access to water was almost unlimited but you liked to save the most you could.

Despite it all, it wasn’t that bad. You were close to your family and your days were busy.

You had been in contact with Jian, she said Luna was showing progress and that there were chances of studying her DNA. You never asked for Yun Jae. But you were always thinking about him. While cooking, eating, cleaning the house, before bed, you were always thinking about him. It had been ten months since you saw him the last time

There were nights when you’d wake up from nightmares about feeling like you were drowning. Till that day, you didn’t know why you vomited water. You left the organization in Korea, so you had no updates about the lunar water other than what Jian said over the phone.

The nightmares about Balhae weren’t constantly haunting you, but when they did, that’s when you needed Yun Jae the most.

Cleaning up the fridge of your house, you look at the clock and you sigh, noticing it’s getting late. You had a report due at midnight. It was almost done, and it contained a hypothetical plan to search for a tree that could slowly bring back the normal water. You turn off the light in the kitchen and you stay looking at the living room.

There was your little joy.

In an improvised bassinet, your baby was sleeping.

Min Ho was two months old. Almost three…

His father was alive, but likely, he’ll never know.

Or so you thought because someone knocked at your door.

You open the door, not ready to be shocked.

You expect anyone; family, friends, your boss. Anyone but him…

“Han Yun Jae…” You swear blood stops running through your body as you see him standing at your door.

“Can I come in?” He asks and you move aside, eyeing him.

Both of you stare at each other, trying to describe who were they facing.

His hair was shorter, and he looked less tired, but you knew he was grieving his daughter’s death. The tattoo of him you hated so much was visible through the sweater he was wearing. He looked fine as always.

He sees there's a big change in you, but he can’t tell if it’s your shorter hair or the way your body looks different. He still finds you the most beautiful woman his eyes have seen in a very long time.

And he knows he can’t lose you again.

“I’m sorry…” he says, trying to remain strong and face you.

You are speechless. For some seconds you don’t know what to do. Then you walk towards him and you raise your hand to slap him. But you don’t, because you can’t.

“You leave me… every single time” his arms immediately wrap around you.

Yun Jae feels terrible. He can feel himself growing teary. But you immediately feel his warmth and you find a new reason to keep living.

You missed him so much.

“I’m so sorry” he adds.

“And you hurt me… every single time” he fights the urge to end up sobbing with you. Instead, Yun Jae focuses on holding you tightly.

“I thought I was saving you”

“Deciding if I wanted to risk more for you was my decision to make, Yun Jae” he nods, brushing your hair as you sobbed.

“Yeah, now I understand it…” he started kissing your hair and it soothes you more than it should.

“What are you doing here?” You ask, wiping your eyes.

“When I woke up, you were gone. I spent months asking Jian if she knew anything. She refused to tell me until I questioned if I should stop looking for you…” you stand stiff, wondering if your friend told him about a certain little human sleeping in the living room. “Jian said there was another reason to keep looking for you…”

You sigh, the worst that could happen was that he would leave. Forever this time…

You tell him to stay quiet and to follow you.

Yun Jae secretly looks around your place, noticing how neat and comfortable the place is.

You expect him to get out of the house as soon as he steps into the living room.

But he stands there quietly, acknowledging the baby sleeping on the floor.

The baby is dressed in a green onesie. His skin looks slightly dry but given the circumstance of the weather, he understands. He has matted dark brown hair, almost black. And he doesn’t have to question the obvious, the baby doesn’t have your eyes nor your nose.

It’s a boy…

That was the reason Jian was talking about.

He kneels to brush the back of his hand with the chubby cheek of the baby. Yun Jae instantly feels his eyes getting wet.

“His name is Min Ho, he’s two months old,” you say, kneeling beside the father of the kid. “And of course, it’s your son…”

Yun Jae silently asks if he can carry him and you nod.

He couldn’t process all the emotions he was feeling at that moment. All he knew was that looking at Min Ho caused him joy and pain at the same time. He would always love and miss his daughter. But holding a newborn when he thought he would never see that coming again, was pure happiness.

“Are you leaving again?” You couldn’t help but ask.

Yun Jae locks eyes with you, he savors the sight of your face and knows he wants to see it every morning and every night.

“Never…” he leans and you softly bump your forehead with his, silently forgiving and allowing yourself to stop grieving.

…

The smell of food fills the room. You served two plates and returned to sit at the dining table. There wasn’t enough food but it was okay for you and Yun Jae.

Min Ho had attached to him well. Both of you bathed the baby and felt so odd and domestic at the same time. He told you everything about him, from before and after Balhae.

There’s a secret agreement to stay together. You could easily find a job for him. He could rest a little and take care of your baby. Whatever he wanted to do, you would be okay with it. And he would rely on his promise. Because he never wanted to leave you again.

“I’m still surprised that he’s healthy…” you stop typing in your laptop to eye Yun Jae.

He looked so natural burping the baby. Then you remember he wasn’t new at parenthood. And you hoped Min Ho wasn’t being a painful reminder of it.

“He was premature. But I’m using all of the resources for him. My family has also sacrificed a little bit of theirs for Min Ho”

“I must thank them…” you smile, grabbing his free hand.

“There’ll be time for it…” he nods and you return to typing.

“Wait… So got pregnant on the moon?” Both of you start chuckling.

“Yes, give me my Record Guinness”

The moment of cackling is interrupted by Min Ho cooing.

“He wants to participate in the conversation too,” you say.

Yun Jae looks down at his son. He looks mostly like him, but he has your lips and skin.

Then he looks back at you and sees you invested in writing something.

“What are you doing?” He asks, standing to stand beside you.

“It’s a report, let me submit it…”

Some minutes of silence between you two, just the coos of Min Ho, and then you finally close your laptop.

“So, we’ve found a tree in South America…” Yun Jae widely opened his eyes, looking expectantly at you. “I’m waiting for researchers to bring some evidence”

“We need the evidence to survive the trip back, I’m leading the experiment,” you say, looking away at your sleeping daughter. “If we succeed, we’ll be able to produce water”

Yun Jae hugs you, his big hand caressing your head in his chest, the other holding Min Ho.

“I’m so proud of you” You smile, accepting the compliment and feeling like you are slowly freeing your love for him.

…

It’s at night when you finally accept you have been in love with Han Yun Jae before you could even accept it.

You lay naked in bed, with him on top of you, kissing you softly and possessively.

“I missed you so much”

“I missed you too” he kisses your forehead and proceeds to rub your folds with his length before pushing in.

You close your eyes, savoring the feeling after ten long months.

Yun Jae is fascinated by touching the body of the woman who gave him a child amidst chaos and horror. He can see that you went through changes, the color and size of your breasts, the softness in your stomach, the stretch marks in your inner thighs. He finds beauty everywhere. And at the same time, it drives him crazy.

“Please, harder…” you beg, barely able to talk because he feels too good. The way he slides in and out, stretching you each time no matter how wet you were. You have to bite your tongue to not wake up little Min Ho.

“You want it harder, baby?” You nod and he makes your wishes come true.

“I love you…” he doesn’t stop, he leans down and kisses you before answering you.

“I love you too”

It had been worth the wait.

…

Yun Jae hears you and Min Ho laughing. He was turning two years old and you wanted to celebrate his birthday with your family.

Yun Jae thanked them as he promised.

He was placing the cake you had ordered in the fridge and upon hearing the constant yells and laughter, he went out to see what was happening in the backyard.

He smiled at the sight.

It was Min Ho’s first time using a pool.

Rain was coming back, and woods and jungles were growing green again. Irrigation systems started being used again and the world was healing.

Yun Jae thought both of you would die on the same earth without water, but probably allowing your baby to grow up with hopes of having it again.

To his surprise, he was celebrating his son’s second birthday and soon he would have to buy a first anniversary wedding gift.

“Yun Jae, come to see this!” He hears you calling him and he gets closer, taking a seat in the towel you placed on the floor for him.

He watches Min Ho splashing water everywhere and he has to hug you because the moment felt like it was dream.

But it was real.

————

I’m ignorant, someone pls tell me the correct way of writing Korean names. For example is it…

a. Han Yun Jae

b. Han Yun jae

c. Han Yun-Jae

d. Han Yun-jae

e. Han yunjae

[doctorbitchcrxft]

Wishful Thinking | Supernatural Series Rewrite | Dean Winchester x Fem!Reader

Pairings: Dean Winchester x Fem!Reader ( ...? )

Warnings: MENTIONS OF SEXUAL COERCION, canon violence, canon gore, depression, anxiety, y/n's in rough shape okay

Word Count: 6384

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You couldn’t piece together why Dean had run out on you. In truth, that fact couldn’t occupy too much of your thoughts given everything else that was going on.

The next morning, you began packing when you received a text from Dean telling you to do so. He clearly didn’t intend upon finishing your conversation from the previous night any time soon.

“I’m surprised at you, (Y/N),” a familiar voice said from behind you. 

“Please don’t lecture me right now,” you said evenly; you were in no mood for Uriel’s scolding.

“Why didn’t you stop him?” he asked.

You slammed your toiletry bag in your duffel and turned to face him. “Stop who? Samhain?”

“Sam.”

Your stomach dropped. “I wasn’t gonna kill him for using his powers in that dire of a situation.” 

“You disobeyed a direct order, (Y/N),” the angel chastised.

You picked up the alarm clock off the nightstand and threw it at him. “Fuck you!” 

Uriel was on you in a second, a hand around your throat. You clawed at his hands, choking on air as he spoke to you. “The only reason you and Sam Winchester aren’t dead is because you have both proven useful. The second he steps out of line and becomes more trouble than he’s worth, he dies. And if you aren’t the one to kill him, you’ll die, too.”

Just as your vision started spotting, the pressure around your throat and Uriel disappeared. 

****

You and Dean were downing shots like there was no tomorrow. There was clearly a lot you both wanted to forget about, and Sam noticed how much distance was between the barstools the two of you were sitting on. 

Uriel had apparently delivered a similar message to Sam after he visited you, but also put in a little detail to warn Dean to stop stepping out of line. He told Sam to ask Dean if he remembered what Hell was like.

Sam was almost completely sober, and he kept pressing Dean about the issue. “It just doesn't make any sense, Dean. I mean, why would Uriel tell me you remembered Hell if you didn't?”

“Maybe because he's a dick,” Dean grunted, taking another shot. “Might have something to do with it.”

The younger man shrugged. “Maybe, but he's still an angel.”

“Yeah, an angel who was ready to level an entire town. Look, I don't know what—”

The waiter coming back over cut Dean off. “Radical. What else can I get you guys?”

“Uh, I think we're good,” Sam replied.

“You want to try a couple of fryer bombs? Or a chipotle chili changa?” the teenager tried.

“Nope. We’re still good,” you said, giving him a tight-lipped smile.

“Okay, awesome.” The waiter bounced away.

Dean returned his attention to his brother. “Sam, honestly, I have no idea why Uriel told you what he did, okay?”

Sam huffed. “Right.”

“What?” Dean snapped.

“Okay. Fine. Then look me in the eye and tell me you don't remember a thing from your time down under.”

You took another shot, knowing it was better to stay out of this conversation.

“I don't remember a thing from my time down under.” When Sam said nothing, Dean continued, “I don't remember, Sam!”

“Look, Dean, I just want to help.”

“You know everything I do. Okay? That's all there is.”

The waiter bounded back over, annoyingly asking about dessert, and you convinced him to just bring you the check. 

“Alright, so, where do we go from here?” Dean sighed. taking a sip of the beer in front of him. 

“I'm not sure. Uh, looks like it's been pretty quiet lately. No signs of demon activity; no omens or portents I can see.”

“That's good news, for once.”

“Yeah, just the typical smattering of crank UFO sightings and one possible vengeful spirit. Here, check this out. Uh, up in Concrete, Washington, eyewitness reports of a ghost that's been haunting the showers of a women's health facility.”

Dean choked on his beer while Sam continued reading. 

“The victim claims that the ghost threw her down a flight of stairs. I can see you're very interested.”

“Women, showers,” Dean hummed. “We got to save these people.”

It felt so odd for them to just be talking about mundane hunts while the three of you were staring down the barrel of the possible end of the world.

What bothered you even more was Dean’s joking about looking at other women. He hadn’t even looked at a woman since the two of you got together. Now that your relationship was up in the air, it seemed he wanted to go back to his old ways. It hurt your heart, but you knew you had no true claim to him anymore. You weren’t even sure if your relationship was salvageable. 

Although, everything you’d done had been for him. You stressed that multiple times. The fact that he was seemingly ready to just jump back into the dating pool when you hadn’t even finished your conversation from Halloween night made your blood boil. He was on incredibly thin ice, and you took a long chug of your beer to keep your anger from spilling out.

****

The next day, Dean dropped Sam off to talk to the girl that’d been pushed down the stairs.

You and Dean were supposed to be going to check the showers at the fitness center for EMF. However, you just couldn’t help yourself. “Thought you’d wanna go check out the shower girl.”

His head jerked toward you. “What?”

“That was your whole reason for taking this case, right? Saving naked women?” 

Dean rolled his eyes. “Come on, (Y/N). I was kidding.”

“Okay, but I really don’t think you should be joking like that given the state our relationship’s in,” you responded.

“And what state is that?” he asked.

You shrugged mockingly. “I don’t know. You ran out before we could even talk about it.” 

“Are you seriously gonna lecture me about running out? Seriously,” he spat.

“Pull the fucking car over, Dean,” you ordered.

“Why, so you can get out and run away again?” 

“No, so we can talk about this without you killing us both. Pull over now,” you said through gritted teeth.

He did as you asked, turning to face you. “Okay, what?”

“Seriously?” you scoffed.

“What? I’m just asking, what do you wanna talk about?”

“How do you not fucking know?” you fired back.

He threw his hands up. “I don’t know, because there’s a million different things potentially on the table.”

“Okay, then, let’s start with why’d you run out on me?” you asked.

“Fantastic place to start, (Y/N), especially considering you told me you wouldn’t make me talk about it,” Dean remarked sarcastically.

“I told you I wouldn’t make you talk about Hell. I told you why I ran out on you. You owe me the same,” you said.

“Maybe I just needed time to process everything, goddamn!”

“Then why didn’t you just tell me that to begin with? How can I trust that’s true?”

“Why are we even having this conversation if you can’t believe anything I say?!” 

“Because you keep expecting me to be fully upfront with you while you get to have as many secrets as you want! You lied straight to Sam’s face and to me before last night about Hell! I think the only reason you’re pissed is ‘cause you can’t hide from me anymore!” you shouted.

That seemed to quiet him down, and he thought for a minute.

“And another thing, everything I’ve fucking done for months has been for you. And I know you’re hurt, and I am so sorry,” you told him earnestly, “but you look at me like you don’t even know who I am anymore! I’ve changed, I know that. But so have you. And I don’t look at you any differently despite knowing every awful thing you had to do. Why can’t you give me that same grace? Especially when I did all of it to save you?” You took a breath, trying to swallow the lump quickly forming in your throat. “I’m sorry I lied to you. And I’ll do everything I can to get your trust back because no matter how much you piss me off, I still love you. But please don’t hold what I did for Uriel against me, okay?”

“I don’t,” he responded quietly. “But can you at least understand that I miss who we were before I went to Hell?”

“Absolutely,” you told him. “I miss those versions of us every day.”

“And I’m sorry I ran out on you. (Y/N), I never wanted you to see me like that. I ran out on you because I was angry. The one person I was terrified of finding out who I really am and what I did down there knows, and it fuckin’ hurt.” His voice was gravelly as he spoke, clearly trying to hide the lump forming in his throat.

“It doesn’t change how I see you, though,” you insisted.

“But maybe it should!” Dean said, the tears forming in his eyes. “Maybe you should look at me like I’m a monster because I am.”

“Do you really believe that’s true?” you asked softly.

“How could I not?” Tears slid down his cheeks steadily. “I did… horrible fucking things down there to people who maybe didn’t even deserve it. I can never forgive myself for that.” 

“But you have to try,” you told him, scooting across the bench seat to cradle his face in your hands. You swiped the tears away with your thumbs and stroked his cheeks. “Anyone would break under that kind of pressure. You lasted even longer than I would have. And I’m sorry that happened to you. It wasn’t your fault, Dean.”

Dean tried earnestly to stifle his tears. His back was straight as a board as you slowly wound your arms around his neck and pulled him down to rest his face in your neck. Finally, finally, he relaxed himself into you and allowed himself to cry.

****

Your relationship with Dean was nowhere near repaired. As much as it stung, there was a lot of broken trust within both him and you. At least now, everything was out in the open. Well, mostly everything. 

Following your talk, the two of you went to the fitness center to search for any sign of the paranormal. Sam called to tell you he’d meet you there. 

“Look, Dean,” you told him. There was a man on the front of the newspaper he was reading who’d won one-hundred sixty-eight million in the lottery. “How come we never get that lucky?” 

He chuckled, looking over the headline. 

Sam approached the bench you sat on with Dean outside the fitness center after you flagged him down. “Well, you pick up anything?” he asked. 

“No EMF in the shower or anywhere else. This house is clean,” Dean sighed.

Sam shoved his hands in his pockets. “Yeah. I'm not surprised. I kind of got the feeling back there that crazy pushed Mrs. Armstrong down the stairs.”

You and Dean stood to walk to the car with Sam, and a child blew past you with two others hot on his tail— they were apparently not his friends.

“Run, Forrest, run!” Dean called after him.

Sam sighed. “I don't think anything's going on around here.”

You walked past a pier where a man stood shouting at a police officer about something that had grabbed him and thrown him into a tree.

“Something's going on,” Dean said, subtly nodding his head toward the other men, halting you and Sam. 

When the man started mentioning Bigfoot, Sam decided to step in. “Excuse us. FBI.”

The police officer scoffed. “What?”

“Yes, sir. We're here about the... that.”

“About Bigfoot?” The officer seemed skeptical; understandably so.

“That's right,” Sam nodded, turning his attention to the witness. “Sir, can you tell me exactly where this happened?”

The man’s directions led you to the center of the woods, and every little sound made you jump. Living in a cabin for four months had only worsened your fear of the woods. 

“What the hell's going on in this town?” Dean asked as the three of you walked along. “First there's a ghost that's not real, and now a Bigfoot sighting?”

“Well, every hunter worth his salt knows Bigfoot's a hoax,” Sam noted.

“Maybe LSD in the water supply?” you shrugged, turning around as you talked and mindlessly stepping backward. Dean grabbed your arm, pulling you to his chest. “Dude, what the hell?” you questioned. 

Dean nodded to what you were about to step on, spinning you around to look at it. “Okay, what the hell?”

You looked down at the very large footprint Dean kept you from tripping into. 

“That, uh... is a big foot,” Sam breathed out.

You followed the ginormous tracks to the back of a liquor store that had been broken into.

“So, what? Bigfoot breaks into a liquor store, jonesing for some hooch?” He noted the spots that were empty on the shelves. “Amaretto and Irish cream. He's a girl-drink drunk.” You elbowed Dean. “Amaretto and pineapple’s good.” You smiled while Dean shoved shooters into his jacket pocket. 

Then, a few discarded magazines leading to a trail out the front door caught your eye. “Dude. He took the whole porno rack.” “Well, I'll say it again,” Dean added. “What the hell is going on in this town?”

Baffled, the three of you made your way to a bench outside the store. “I got nothing.” Dean threw his hands up. 

“It's got to be a joke, right? Some big-ass motherfucker in a gorilla suit?” Sam tried. 

“Or it's a Bigfoot. Y’know, and he's some kind of a alcoholo-porno addict. Kind of like a deep-woods Duchovny.”

A girl on a bike passed you, and a magazine fell out of her bag. You exchanged a glance with Sam, and Dean picked it up. 

“A little young for Busty Asian Beauties,” Dean noted, brows furrowed. 

You followed her to where she dropped a box full of alcohol and porn off with an apologetic note attached at the back of the liquor store. Then, the three of you followed the girl home. 

“What's this, like a ‘Harry and the Hendersons’ deal?”

Sam chuckled at his brother, knocking on the front door of the little girl’s house. 

“Hello?” she asked, opening it.

“Hi! Are— Are your parents home?” you asked her, bending to her level. 

“Nope,” she shook her head. 

“No, fabulous,” you murmured. “Awesome.”

Dean was up next. “Um... Have you seen a really, really furry…”

She immediately looked scared. “Is he in trouble?”

Although a little gobsmacked, Sam chuckled, “No, no, no. Not at all. We just— We wanted to make sure he was okay.”

“He's my teddy bear. I think he's sick,” the little girl sniffled. 

“Wow. Uh... Amazing. 'Cause you know what?” Dean said, incredibly chipper. “We... are, uh... teddy bear doctors.”

The child’s eyes lit up. “Really? Can you please take a look at him?”

“Absolutely,” you nodded. 

She took your hand and led you inside. 

“What’s your name, angel?’ you asked her.

“Audrey.”

“Audrey, nice to meet you,” you replied. “I’m (Y/N).”

“He's in my bedroom,” the little girl said. “He's pretty grumpy.” She knocked on the door of her room hesitantly. “Teddy? There's some nice doctors here to see you.” She opened it to reveal something you’d never seen before. 

A big, living, drunk teddy bear was sitting on her bed watching television. “Close the fuckin’ door!” he shouted in a gruff voice. 

Audrey shut it, whispering, “See what I mean?”

Your eyes were wide as saucers, and you turned back to the boys to see a similar reaction in them. 

She explained to you that she’d wished in a well for the teddy to come alive over the top of the teddy bear moaning about how awful life was. 

“Audrey, give us a second, okay?” Sam said. He turned to you and Dean, hushing his voice while Audrey tried to comfort her teddy bear. “Okay. Are we... Should we... Uh, are we gonna kill this teddy bear?”

“I mean, how?” you questioned. 

Dean chimed in, “Do we shoot it? Burn it?

Sam shrugged. “I don't know. Both?”

“How do we even know that's gonna work? I don't want some giant, flaming, pissed-off teddy on our hands,” Dean scoffed. 

“Yeah. Besides, I get the feeling that the bear isn't really the, you know, core problem here.”

You turned to the little girl. “Audrey, where are your parents?”

“My mom wished they were in Bali, so I think they're in Bali,” she replied. 

“Oh, okay,” you said. “I’m really sorry to tell you this, but your bear is sick. He’s got—”

“Lollipop disease!” Dean cut you off. 

“Lollipop disease,” Sam nodded. 

Dean shrugged, “It's not uncommon for a bear his size. But, see, it's— it’s really contagious.”

“Yeah,” Sam nodded, “so, is there someone, maybe a grown-up, that you can stay with while we treat him?”

Audrey considered for a moment. “Mrs. Hurley lives down the street.”

“Good, yeah, good. Uh, we'd like you to stay there for a few days, okay?”

“Okay.”

Dean found out where the wishing well was from Audrey, and the three of you set off in that direction. Just as you arrived, a little boy threw a coin into the fountain. You watched him leave, skipping, and grab his mother’s hand. 

“Think it works?” Dean asked, pulling you out of your thoughts. 

You turned to face him. “Got a better explanation for teddy back there?”

“Well, there's one way to find out.” 

Dean took a coin out of his wallet, stuffing him back in his pants as Sam asked, “What are you gonna wish for?”

“Shh!” Dean scolded. “Not supposed to tell.”

Within five seconds of him chucking the sandwich in, a man in a red shirt came up holding a giant sandwich. “Somebody order a footlong Italian with jalapeño?”

Dean smirked, “That'd be me,” and you rolled your eyes. He excitedly led you and Sam over to a table outside the Chinese restaurant Audrey had described to you and began to scarf down his sandwich. “I think it works, guys,” he said through a mouthful of food. “That was pretty specific.”

“The teddy bear, the sandwich—” Sam sighed. 

You pulled the newspaper Dean had been reading earlier out of one of the pockets inside his jacket. “I’m guessing this, too.”

Sam discreetly nodded to a couple at the table next to yours. “I'm guessing that.”

You snickered, as did Sam. 

Dean tried to sneak a glance at the couple. “Well, that definitely goes on the list. What are we supposed to do, huh? Stop people's wishes from coming true? I mean, it sounds like kind of a douche-y thing to do.”

“Yeah, maybe. But come on, man. When has something like this ever come without a price tag?”

“And usually a deadly one,” you argued. 

“I don't know. It's a damn good sandwich.” You and Sam gave Dean a look. 

“Alright, fine.” He rolled his eyes. “We'll put a hold on the wishing till we figure out what's going on.”

A waiter came up to your table. “Uh, gentlemen, gentlemen. I'm sorry. We don't allow people to eat outside food here.”

“Well, how can you expect him to eat the food inside here?” you scoffed. “Health department. You’ve got a pretty serious rat infestation. We're gonna have to shut this place down under emergency hazard code 56C.”

Sam tried to hide his smirk, but Dean’s was completely overt as he stared at you. 

****

Under the guise of needing to investigate the fountain, you made the waiter have his manager drain it. 

Dean swept away coins while you felt around the outside of it for a compartment hiding a hex bag. 

“Typical fountain; plaster Buddha,” the older brother announced. “Nothing I can see.”

“Yes, nothing. We keep a clean place here,” the manager insisted.

Sam began to escort him away. “Sir, I'm gonna have to ask you to leave during the preliminary investigation, okay? Thank you.” Dean tossed one of the coins he swept at you. “Oh, come on. Aren't you a little bit tempted?” You shook your head. “Hell no.”

“Why not?”

“Wouldn’t be real,” you shrugged. “I wouldn’t trust it.”

“I don't know,” he replied, “that bear seemed pretty real.”

Dean tried further. “Come on, if you could wish yourself back, you know, before it all started… Think about it. You could’ve avoided all this angel business. Maybe gotten out.”

You stood, putting your hands on your hips. “Of what? Hunting?”

He nodded. 

You scoffed. “That’s not what I would’ve wished for.”

“Alright, well, what, then?” he pushed. 

Without even thinking, you said, “That you’d never gone to Hell.” Dean held your gaze intensely, that unreadable look you’d become accustomed to on his face. 

Sam came back over, causing Dean to shake himself out of his trance. “What is that?” the older brother asked, looking down at something. 

You walked over to the side of the fountain he was on, bending over the side and brushing the coin with the tips of your fingers. “Some kind of old coin. I don't recognize the markings.”

Dean tried to pick it up, failing miserably. “Damn.”

“Lift with your legs,” Sam deadpanned, and you burst out laughing. 

“Is that motherfucker welded on there?” Dean grunted, standing back up. “Huh.”

You tried again with a crowbar, but it snapped in half. The hammer you used broke, too. 

Sam panted, “Coin’s magical.”

“Ya think?” you scoffed. 

****

Sam sent you back to the motel to try and figure out where that coin came from. Dean hadn’t stopped puking since you got back, so you were the one doing the research. 

“How’s it going in there?” you asked through the door. 

Your answer was another heaving sound followed by him coughing and groaning. 

Just then, Sam opened the door to hear Dean yakking again. “Is he…?”

You nodded. 

“The wishes turn bad, Sam. The wishes turn very bad,” Dean called from the bathroom, voice strained. 

“The sandwich, huh?”

“The coin’s Babylonian,” you explained. “It's cursed. I found some fragments of a legend.” You showed him your laptop that was open to an article with grotesque drawings lining its sides. “The serpent is Tiamat; the Babylonian god of primordial chaos. Their priests were crazy freaky into black magic.”

“They made the coin?” Sam asked, eyes scanning the screen. 

You nodded. “Whoever tosses a coin in the wishing well, makes a wish, it turns on the well. Then it starts granting wishes to all comers.”

“But the wishes get twisted. You ask for a talking teddy—”

“You get a bipolar nut job.” At the sound of Dean hacking again, you pointed toward the door. “And he gets E. coli. You stood from your chair, crossing the room to get Dean a fresh set of clothes. As you rifled through his bag, you continued, “This thing has turned more than one town to shit over the centuries. It's even wiped a few off the map. I mean, one person gets their wish, it's trouble, but everybody gets their wish…”

“It’s chaos,” Sam finished for you. 

You put Dean’s clothes on the bathroom counter, recoiling at the smell. “Take a shower before you come out of there, okay? Don’t want you stinkin’ up the whole car.” You turned back to the room, shutting the door behind you. 

“Any way to stop it?” Sam asked. 

“We gotta find the first wisher. Whoever dropped the thing in and made the first wish; they’re the only one who can pull it back out and reverse the wishes. And things are goin’ downhill fast.”

****

Later that night, you played Solitaire on the floor of the room while Dean slept. Sam was awake, too, on his laptop. He invited you to stay for a bit while he finished researching for the night.

Then, Dean started to stir. You could only imagine what he was dreaming about. 

“No,” he said, softly at first. “No!” 

You sprang to your feet, shaking him gently. He grabbed your wrist, twisted it behind your back, and pinned you down on his bed. 

“Dean, stop!” Sam shouted, leaping up to help. 

It was then Dean realized what happened and let you go. Sam backed off, and you hesitantly rolled over. 

“God, (Y/N), I’m so—” he cleared his throat, voice more gravelly when he spoke again. “I’m sorry.”

“It’s okay,” you promised him. 

“I didn’t hurt you, did I?” he asked, not doing a very good job of hiding the genuine fear on his face. 

You shook your head. “No. I promise, I’m okay.” He nodded, but his mind seemed distant. 

The room fell silent for a moment before Sam spoke up again. “Uriel wasn't lying, was he?”

Your breath caught in your throat.

“You are. You remember Hell, don't you?” Sam continued. 

Dean scrubbed a hand over his face. “What do you want from me, huh? What?”

“The truth, Dean. I mean, I'm your brother. I- I just wish you'd talk to me,” Sam argued, sounding slightly defeated. 

“Careful what you wish for,” Dean remarked. 

“Cute.”

“Guys, stop,” you sighed, suddenly feeling exhausted. 

“Come on, can we stow the couple’s therapy, huh? We're on a job. I want to work. What do you got? Please?” the older brother urged desperately.

Sam clicked his tongue, returning his attention to his laptop. “We got teddy bear, uh, lottery guy, invisible pervert guy. They all must have wished sometime in the last two weeks. But who wished first, and how are we supposed to know who else wished for what when?”

“Well, it helps when they announce it in the paper. Goes back a month.” Dean tossed the paper at Sam.

He read out the title on the page Dean had turned to. “Wesley Mondale and Ms. Hope Lynn Casey have announced their surprise engagement.”

Dean flicked his eyebrows. “Ah, true love.”

****

“Wes! You didn't tell me that you called the florists for the wedding,” the beautiful woman in front of you cheerily called back to her betrothed who you assumed was within the home. 

You followed her into the living room where a greasy man wearing glasses that in no way suited his face sat on an armchair that clearly needed to be cleaned. 

“You're the best! I'm gonna go get my folders.” The woman, Hope, hugged Wes around the neck tightly and practically flitted out of the room. 

“That’s sexual coercion, y’know,” you said. 

“What?” he asked, startled. “Who are you?”

“Health department,” you shrugged. 

“Yeah. And florists on the side,” Sam chimed in. Dean added, “Plus FBI. And on Thursdays, we're teddy bear doctors.��� Wes furrowed his brow. “Huh?”

“Doesn't matter who we are,” Dean responded. “What matters is what we know.”

You nodded at the box of coins on the wall behind him. “Coin collector?”

Wes stood shakily. “Uh, yeah. My… grandfather gave them to me.”

“You make a wish on one of ‘em by any chance?” you asked. 

Hope bustled back into the room, dropping her stack of papers on the table. “Okay, now. I have a lot of ideas, but, y’know, we don't have all the money in the world. Wes is between jobs right now. Means more time for me! Y’know, I'm thinking a Japanese-y, ikebana kind of thing.”

You nodded. “I can… totally see it.”

“So, Hope, uh, tell us how you two lovebirds met,” Sam prompted. 

You smirked, excited to hear this story. 

“Oh, best day of my life,” she grinned. “It's the funniest thing. We both grew up here, but I never really knew who he was. Not by name anyway. Until one day last month, it was like I just— I just saw him for the first time. He was just... glowing. Oh, just glowing!”

Wes cleared his throat. “Uh, babe, can you— can you get us some coffee?”

Hope nodded like an excited labrador. “Yes!” She kissed him over and over, making Dean smirk and look down at the floor, hiding his smile behind his hand. 

As soon as Hope was out of the room, you murmured, “Wes, we know. So tell us the truth.”

He averted your eye contact completely, adjusting his glasses nervously. “My— My grandfather found the coin in North Africa, y’know, World War II. And, uh, he brought it back. He, um, he said it was a real wish-granting coin, but that nobody should ever use it. Um... It was all I had, and when he died, I thought, ‘Well, you know what? Why not give the coin a shot’?”

“Well, time to wish it back,” you ordered. 

He chuckled. “Oh. Ha, no, no, I’m not.”

You stalked toward him slowly, your voice eerily calm. “If you don't stop it, something bad's gonna happen.” Your eyes practically burned as you pinned him to his spot with your intensity.

“How do you know?” he squeaked.

“Just a hunch,” you replied, voice low. 

As you continued to stare Wes down, Dean piped up, “We really wish you'd come with us.”

Wes nodded hesitantly, only relaxing his tense shoulders when you backed off.

Dean gave you a strange look, but you ignored it. Wes gave Hope some lame excuse, and the three of you sped toward the Lucky Chin restaurant. 

“I don't get it. So, my wish came true. Why does that have to be a bad thing?” Wes asked. 

“Because the wishes go south, Wes,” Sam replied. “Your town is going insane.”

Dean eyed Wes in the rearview mirror. “C’mon, you're gonna sit there and tell me that your relationship with Hope is functional; that it's what you wished for?”

“I wished she would love me more than anything,” he replied simply. 

“How’s that going for you?” you asked, voice even, eyes pointed forward. Looking at the man sitting beside you made you physically sick. “That seem healthy? Consensual?”

“Well, it's a hell of a lot better than when she didn't know I was alive.”

“I’d choose your next words very carefully, Wes,” you said calmly. “You imply that what you’re doing is okay one more time, and I will go fucking nuclear.”

Dean discreetly flicked his eyes to yours in the rearview mirror. “You're not supposed to get what you want, man, not like this. Nobody is. That's what the coin does. It takes your heart's desires and it twists it back on you. You hear of the whole, uh, ‘be careful what you wish for’?”

Wes mockingly replied, “ ‘Careful what you wish for.’ You know who says that? Good-looking jerks like you guys. The ones who've got it so easy because you happen to be handsome.”

“Easy?” Sam and Dean scoffed. 

“Yeah. Women— women look at you, right? They notice you.”

You were quite literally biting your tongue to avoid ripping this guy’s head off. 

“Believe us, we do not have it easy,” Sam told him. 

Dean added, “We are miserable. We never get what we want. In fact, we have to fight tooth and nail just to keep whatever it is we got.” You could’ve sworn you felt Dean looking at you, but you couldn’t focus on him at all. 

“But you know what? Maybe that's the whole point, Wes.”

“Yeah, people are people 'cause they're miserable bastards, 'cause they never get what they really want. Take a look at Michael Jackson, hmm? Or Hasselhoff.”

“You know what? Hope loves me now— completely. And it's awesome,” Wes chuckled. “Besides, look around. Where's all this, uh, insanity you guys were talking about?”

You couldn’t hold it back anymore. You quite literally dove across the back seat, raising a fist at Wes and hauling him up by the shirt collar. 

“Whoa! Whoa!” Dean shouted, while Sam begged you to stop. 

Wes’s lip trembled pathetically, and your fist connected with his face in a sickening crack. 

“You son of a bitch!” you shouted. You reared back again, only stopping when the sight of a child holding a truck over his head with three other kids inside caught your eye. 

Dean screeched to a halt near the truck, promptly pulling you off Wes and out of the Impala. “What the fuck, (Y/N)?!”

“He’s holding a girl hostage, Dean!” you argued. “Using magic to force her into sex? I’ll fuckin’ kill ‘im!” 

“Relax!” he urged you. “We’re gonna fix this. But we can’t fix this if you kill this guy, alright?” 

Suddenly, a sharp pain pierced your chest. Dean noticed the immediate change in your demeanor, eyes filling with concern. “Whoa, wait, what’s going on?” he asked. 

Your knees buckled, and he caught you easily. He sank to the ground with you, cradling you as you choked on what felt like your own blood. 

“No, no, no, (Y/N)?!” Dean rushed out, cupping your face. “Talk to me, sweetheart, you can’t leave me. Not like this. (Y/N)?!”

You felt blood dribble out of your mouth and down the side of your face, feeling all of your strength leave your body. And then, the world went black. 

****

You blinked repeatedly, squinting up at the bright sun. Then, you threw your arm over your eyes to shield yourself from the light. A small smile tugged at your lips when you realized the ground under you resembled the leathery seat of the Impala. Dean must’ve put you in here when you got knocked out.

Wait… were you knocked out? Or had you been dead?

You sat up, taking in your surroundings. You watched out the front window as Dean mocked cowering away from an eleven-year-old, and three other kids behind him looked horrified before they turned tail and ran away. 

You got out of the car, cracking your neck to get rid of the uncomfortable tightness in it. When Dean saw you, he immediately took his attention away from the kid and turned it to you. He practically sprinted over to you and scooped you up in his arms, holding you close to his chest. His breath tickled your neck as he breathed you in, and you wrapped your arms around his. Although a little dazed, you welcomed the comfort of his embrace. 

“What happened?” you asked as he put you back down. Dean then proceeded to do what he’d done many times before when you’d been hurt. He tucked your hair behind your ear with one hand and cupped your chin with the other while he scanned your face for injuries. 

“Dee, I’m okay, I promise.” You gently grabbed his wrist, stroking it with your thumb. 

“You— You were gone,” he said. “I didn’t— I—”

It was your turn to cup his chin, forcing him to look at you. A tear slipped down his cheek, wetting the palm of your hand. “It’s okay. I’m here. I’m fine.”

Then, Sam came over to you. “(Y/N)!” He bent down to hug you, and you happily returned the gesture. “How you feeling?”

“Uh, fine, I think. What the hell happened?” you asked. 

“Hope,” Sam explained. “She heard what you said— and did— to Wes, and she was not happy.”

“And I’m guessing she doesn’t even know who he is now— since I’m, y’know, upright,” you jested. “All the wishes are gone?”

Sam turned to see Audrey walking with her sunburnt parents and a normal-sized teddy bear down the street. “I guess,” he chuckled. 

“Then, so are we,” you said, heading back toward the car. 

“Hang on a second,” Dean said. 

You and Sam turned to face him.

“You were right.” 

Sam looked confused. “About what?”

“I shouldn't have lied to you,” Dean admitted. “I do remember everything that happened to me in the Pit. Everything.”

Sam looked at him expectantly. “So tell me about it,” he prompted.

“No,” the older brother stated plainly. 

Sam snorted. “Uh…”

“I won't lie anymore. But I'm not gonna talk about it.”

“Dean, look, you can't just shoulder this thing alone,” Sam told his brother. “You got to let me help.”

Before Dean could snap, you gently added, “It’s different than a bad day, Sam.”

Sam became slightly hostile toward you. “I know that.”

“Sam,” you sighed. “You don’t. I’m not tryin’ to hurt you here, but your four months was very different than my four months and Dean’s forty—” you quickly tried to cover up your mistake, “four months. There is no forgetting. There’s no making it better. There’s no talking it out. Because experiencing what he did? In real time? Unless you were there with him, you’d never understand it.”

Sam gave you a bizarre look; almost like he wasn’t processing what you were saying. However, he dropped it and got into the backseat of the Impala. 

****

Later that night as Sam slept soundly in the backseat, you and Dean sat beside each other in silence for a while. It felt strange to be in the front seat again; almost as if you were earning “girlfriend privileges” again.

Dean finally spoke up. “I don’t need you to fight my battles for me.” You turned to face him, but he didn’t take his eyes from the road. “I’m not trying to.”

“But you did.”

You sighed, crossing your arms over your chest and facing away from him. “Dean, I was trying to make that conversation a little easier for you, okay? I’m sorry.”

It was almost as if you’d dumbfounded him because he didn’t speak for quite a few moments after that. “What’s goin’ on with you?” he asked. 

“What do you mean?” you grumbled, still staring out of the window. 

“You’re not… you’re not you,” Dean replied. “You’re— You’re erratic, you’re lashing out; you’re scaring the crap outta me.”

Your heart nearly cracked in your chest, tears springing to your eyes. You couldn’t bring yourself to face him. “I’m sorry,” you whispered. 

“What’s goin’ on?” he asked, his voice gentle. “Sweetheart, you’re supposed to be the stable one here, remember?”

As you choked down your tears, you nodded furiously. You could still feel Dean’s occasional glance to you for the next several miles, almost as if he was hoping you’d crack. Although, when your muffled cries subsided, you just faded off to sleep.

Series Rewrite Taglist: @polireader @brightlilith @atcamillanorrman @jrizzelle @insomnia-bookworm @procrastination20 @mrs-nesmith @djs8891 @tiggytaylor @staple-your-mouth @jesstherebel @rach5ive @strawberrykiwisdogog @bruhidkjustwannaread @mxltifxnd0m @sunshine-on-marz @big-ol-boat @mgchaser @capncrankle @chervbs @simpingdeadcharacters @nesnejwritings @stillhere197 @tearsforhan @take-it-on-the-run @iloveyou2mia @maxinehufflepuffprincess @ohgeehowdigethere @seninjakitey @berarenado @s0urw00lf @princessleahorgana @quarterhorse19 @isla-finke-blog @silverdoragon @karacaroldanvers @gayandfairycore @examishbookwyrm @star-yawnznn @real-sharena-h @fandomloverrr @metalmonki @onlyangel-444 @yu-winchester @benniwiththefanni @daisychaingirl @immagods @missmieux @yoongi-holland @littledebbieinabigworld

[kittymannequin]

hello! hope youre having a great day! ive been following you since clexa days and i wanted to start watching gl tdramas because of the gifsets youve been making/reblogging recently but i have NO idea where to start, do you have any recs on what to start with? Thank you!

hiiiiii nonny! thank you, today's truly been a lovely day, can't complain. hope yours is going well too! and oh gosh, clexa days, that's so long ago 🥰

soooo i would definitely recommend starting with something that's finished so you're not going through the same torment the rest of us are, which is waiting a week between each episode 😂

However, if that doesn't bother you then my number 1 recommendation is to start with Us, which has become my favorite and most beloved Thai GL series.

Not gonna wax poetically about it (again) 'cause I actually did that in a different ask just yesterday (even though I totally could 😅), but in short - it's gorgeous, it's so well written, it has beautiful and complex characters, the love story is as intimate, domestic and wonderful as you can possibly imagine, the main pairing have the most amazing chemistry and I wholeheartedly recommend it.

It's currently airing and new episodes come out on saturdays, and you can find it on Youtube (and kisskh), and here's the trailer for it.

My highest recommendations for Thai GLs that are finished would probably be Pluto and The Secret of Us, and I suggest starting with either of the two.

Pluto is truly a drama in the full sense, with all the twists and turns and everything that comes with a drama series, the main pairing are played by Namtan Tipnaree and Film Rachanun, who have amazing chemistry and played their parts wonderfully.

The rest of the cast really works great alongside them and the story is about Ai-oon, the "disappointing" twin sister of Ob-oo, who ends up taking her sister's place (and her gf😅). Don't wanna spoil too much so i'm being really vague here, but expect to laugh, and possibly cry, a lot.

You can find Pluto 100% free here on youtube as well as here on kisskh.

The Secret of Us is a gorgeous drama that follows the love story of Dr. Fahlada and the ex that broke her heart, Earn. We see them reconnect and reignite an old flame that never really went out and the drama is full of silly, loveable, funny, sometimes heavy moments that are beautifully portrayed, and played by one of the industry's most popular and most successful gl pairing, Ling Ling Kwong and Orm Kornnaphat (they're also known as lingorm).

The first 3 episodes are on youtube, however you can find the complete series up on kisskh (free).

There's (can't believe I'm about to say this, what a glorious time to be alive) a bunch more finished Thai GL series that you can jump right into as well, here's a lil list for you (trailers and links included) mostly off the top of my head:

GAP trailer - office romance between the CEO and an employee (youtube ep1 'cause they have playlists for each ep 😩, kisskh) - the first gl i ever watched, the queen GL 😅- currently the most viewed gl series on youtube

Affair trailer - the title kinda says it 😂 but it's actually childhood friends to lovers with a lot of bumps along the way (youtube, kisskh)

Blank trailer - the love story of two women who have a sixteen year age gap between them that i actually really love a whole bunch (kisskh; not sharing the youtube link 'cause we're boycotting 9star studio)

Petrichor trailer - mystery/thriller/romance drama following the love story of office Tul and forensic doctor Cherran and it's awesome (kisskh)

Reverse 4 You - time manipulation powers meet lesbians! (it's awesome, i LOVE it) (youtube, kisskh) - trailer - there's also a currently airing GL that's set in the same universe, also with time manipulation powers, called Reverse With Me - trailer (kisskh)

23.5 trailer - highschool romance/secret admirer (youtube, kisskh)

The Loyal Pin trailer - a period drama following the love story of princess Anilaphat and Lady Pin (youtube, kisskh)

Apple my Love trailer - office romance/secret admirer (youtube, kisskh)

Mate trailer - childhood friends reunited and turned lovers (youtube, kisskh)

Love Senior trailer - college love story (with a lot of ups and downs) (youtube, kisskh)

Not a Thai drama but definitely a must-mention is a Taiwanese drama, Fragrance of the First Flower, which I've been going absolutely crazy over and highly recommend it as well! It's gorgeous, it's complex and nuanced, and currently has an amazing 2nd season airing. Trailer for S1 is here, S2 here, and you can watch it here.

Another must-mention is Friendly Rivalry, a korean GL drama (if i see another person say it's queer baiting i will go on a lil' murder spree 🔪) which I totally went insane over and will be a little feral about, for another couple of months at least. Trailer's here, and you can watch it here.

I'm missing a couple GLs here, I'd have to check my list of favorites, but I also suggest checking @girlsloveupdates pinned post for an extensive and great list of GL Series and all relevant updates.

This got extra long and I'm a little sorry about that (but not terribly so), hope it'll be helpful c: if you wanna come ask about anything or just shout your thoughts/impressions at me, I'd love that! Thank you for your ask and hope you have a wonderful time watching!

me, gently cradling every new gl series enjoyer:

[satocidal]

Hi Rome! New follower here, and I love the way you write Geto ❤️ He doesn't get the love he deserves!!

Saw your requests were open, and I had an idea for headcanons: what kind of music do you think the JJK guys would be into (Nanami, Suguru, Satoru and Toji in particular) ?

𓂂 ˚ ☆ ꙳ *.What Sort of Music They Listen to...?

a/n: firstly, hi baby<333 🙈thank you for saying that and secondly, sorry for taking so long with this - school stuff just had my head</3 and lastly, this is purely based on MY music taste (unfortunately) so i mean, if you don't know some of this artists or expected different ones then<///3(i also shift a lot from hindi to english music so japanese music was anyways a no-go lol)

also majot sorry for no Toji (he just stumped me so bad)

warnings: not proof-read, just rambling

Satoru Gojo:

Satoru i think, does a little bit of everything - nor is he shy to try new music. He's the kind of guy who recognises every song that plays - wherever it be, radio, malls, restaurants, he een knows the elevator music so...yes. At the same time, i think he'd also just...put everything in his 'liked' playlist💀and call it a day. In particular i feel Satoru is Kendrick guy? and also Doechii? but when in feels, i think he also pulls out some Sufjan Stevens and Finneas as well lmao (i think teen! Satoru would also have Cavetown and Arctic Monkeys in his playlists) although i don't think he'd play their songs on his head but unironically knows every lyric and bobs his head to all hot girl music (nikki and britney and megan, the entire bunch lol) Definitely an ABBA guy<3

Suguru Geto:

As i've stated many times on my blog lmao, Suguru would probably be a Hozier and Lord Huron guy - it's the arsonist vibe that makes me say this? and the slight rebellion but that's just me. A huge 70s-90s sucker actually, and Nirvana - he is the guy who won't ask you to name 5 songs but looks at you and judges you with the assumption that you don't. Teen Suguru would get down to fight you if you said you were a bigger MCR fan. I think he also is a vibe to Florence and the machine or Mitski (just again, his vibe - idk if he'd listen or whatever) I think Suguru would fw indie bands too - GROUPLOVE and Peach pit being major artists there, maybe some drifting Yot Club or Cleffy too Also again, a Kendrick guy - i just think Suguru is the kind who enjoys the lyricism that goes in the art yk? be it whatever genre. Unironically began to listen to Mother Mother after leaving and just...never...stopped. He is the kind to have 50+ playlists (listen to the same 5 on repeat though) i also think he majorly judges lana listeners

Kento Nanami:

Hmmmmmmm, i feel like - i don't want to stereotype - but he stays away from the new music? idk how to explain (hates ice spice if you catch my drift), he definitely doesn't mind rap music but again, wouldn't play it on his own. As it is a fanon thing anyways that Kento was emo so i mean, you've got MCR (you know he never refused to jam to Teen Spirits with Suguru<3) - fall out boy, maybe paramore? on his playlist. but i do believe older him would have shifted to elvis maybe? not a major jazz guy but enough to prove a point lol. Teen Kento would in fact ask you to name 5 name songs and would be proud of listening to under-rated artists (and roll his eyes when Satoru would do the same but, for some overly-hyped artist of the time). I think Nanami isn't huge on music anyways though - i do see Satoru listening to music 24/7 (don't ask why but smn to do with his infinity) and Suguru too plays it a decent amount but for Nanami, his music app opens 2 times a week lmao <3

All of this work is entirely original and my own—please refrain from copying or reposting.

Likes and Reblogs highly appreciated!

[k4lenz]

i loved you first ✮ chapter 1.

(ted nivison x fem!reader)

─── ⋆⋅☼⋅⋆ ───

a/n: i’ve been listening to the song 'i love you, i'm sorry' on repeat, and something hit me really hard about it. so i decided to write an angst fic very much loosely based on the lyrics! childhood best friend!ted that you used to do everything with. i was crashing out hard while writing this, can you tell?? anyway enjoy chapter 1 ahhhhh ALSO I KNOW THIS IS ANGST I SWEAR CHAPTER 2 ITLL GET BETTER IM SORRY but also chapter 2 is gonna be more of this song coded oops. idk if i love this but i hope u guys do :)

playlist: click right here bb

notes: angst, fluff, dating, growing up together, YEARNING, underage drinking, dating, drugs, coming of age, highschool, university, that damn Toyota Tacoma, lunch club + SMPlive mentions, parents mentioned

─── ⋆⋅☼⋅⋆ ───

2008. Your parents moved into his hometown in Massachusetts when you were just shy of 10, and became friends with his parents who lived just a few streets away. You shyly greeted him for the first time, and you two just clicked.

You were inseparable from then on, and your parents were so thankful they sent you to the same primary school. And then it continued into middle school, and even highschool. Attached at the hip.

For his 16th birthday, 2014, you bought Ted a polaroid camera. Shabby money you’d gathered up from chores around the house and a job at a cafe. You’d bought him an album for the pictures too, your both signed the back of it. Nonetheless, it still got you the gift. From then on, it was his favourite gift he’d ever gotten. Even if you told him he didn’t have to say that, you’d sparked an interest of photography in him from the beginning.

People, especially your friends, were always suspicious you two were dating. Rather, you’d both always wave it off with a “gross!” and a laugh.

Despite the lingering touches, on your waist, a hand around your shoulders, a jab in your side, a squeeze in your hand, your hand in his hair.

You two were just friends.

✮

Halfway through the winter, the ground icy and snow piling. January 17th, 2015. He was freshly 17, slowly growing out of his boyish features with his very own 2002 Green Toyota Tacoma and a proper license. So proud of himself.

He’d not come to school on the day because he’d had his test (and he hadn’t wanted to waste his birthday-day doing it the day before).

4pm sharp he was out the front of your house, beeping the horn of his newly owned car and a that big childish grin on his face. The look on his face was familiar to you, like home, recognisable throughout the years and never changing.

You ran out the front door giggling, tripping over your own feet in excitement as he got out of his car and came around to open the passenger side door for you. Giving you a little poke before getting back in the car.

“Y’like it?” “I’ll like it more when you drive me to school every morning! “If I have to.” He’d sigh, albeit exaggerated, but secretly his heart would warm. He’d made you take a picture of him with the car, too. And he’d snuck one of you with it when you weren’t looking.

The winter weather slowly faded, preparing itself for the blossoming flowers of Spring.

Valentine’s Day, 2015. He was beeping again out the front of your house, to your parents usual annoyance and a disturbance to your neighbourhood.

But to give him credit, you’d told him to pick you up 5pm because you’d asked him for more time to get ready. And it was 5:05pm.

You came out of your front door with the biggest smile on your face, cheeks tinged pink, tucking your hair behind your ear, as he stood there with one hand behind his back and the other holding the passenger door open for you.

“What’cha got there, Teddy?” You teased, as he handed you the bouquet of roses, proclaiming they were platonic and watching you giggle.

“Thankyou. They’re beautiful.”

You’re beautiful. is what he wanted to say. And they’re not platonic. And I love you and I always have, since the minute I laid eyes on you.

But instead he grabbed his polaroid camera once you’d sat down in the passenger seat, wanting to snap a picture of you holding the flowers. He used the camera to hide the blush on his cheeks.

Click. He was just saying it in his own way.

You two drove down to the lake, sitting in his car eating snacks you’d bought on the way there and laughing about everything and nothing. Just you two against the world.

His eyes glanced at your lips, and then met your eyes again. Your eyes stared through his soul, your lips found his as if that was all they were ever made to do. The night ended in soft whispers, giggles, his hands on your waist and your arms around his neck, lips interlocked as if they could never part again. as if you were each others air.

Quiet promises of relationships. You two never announced it, but you didn’t ever need to, you came into school holding hands and nobody batted an eye. Like it was bound to happen. As if everybody but you two knew and kept the secret to themselves, waiting for you to finally figure it out.

✮

Many nights were spent sneaking into each other’s houses, into each other’s beds, holding each other close. Beds warm with each other, he typically preferred sneaking into your house. Your sheets warmer, fluffier. More you.

You studied together, stayed together, and worked hard for your final moments of highschool.

You couldn’t have done it without him, and he couldn’t have done it without you.

May, or April, 2016. Prom night. You couldn’t quite remember. The memories got fuzzier as time passed, you’d admit. He waited downstairs, talking to your parents in his best suit and tie, the colour matching your own dress as you finally came down the stairs. He was speechless, his eyes simply absorbing you. He had to make sure the flowers in his hand didn’t drop as he handed them to you and your hand found his chest.

“You okay there, Teddy?” You laughed fondly, eyes glittering and amused.

“You’re the most stunning thing I’ve seen in my entire life.” He’d reply, entranced. Your parents shared a look, raising eyebrows to each other knowing he was the right one for you.

Most of your night spent on the dance floor, twirls and dips and laughter. Your friends altogether, but to him it felt like you were the only person in the room, when he dipped you and kissed you to his favourite song. Your friends gagging playfully, saying you two were straight out of a Disney movie.

The night held a party after with everyone in your year, at some guy’s house you hardly remember. The taste of alcohol on your lips, and Ted’s, you recalled. Snapping drunk Polaroid pictures and singing (screaming) the most popular music like you’d never hear it again.

June 16th, 2016. You wore your graduation caps and robes. He picked you up at 9am, the ceremony started at 11.

He knocked on the door, hair styled, glasses on, robes on, and his graduate cap. Greeting your parents with warm smiles, hugs, and congratulations at your front door as you told them you’d go with Ted and meet them there. It felt like home. He felt like home.

Your parents snapping a picture of you two walking down the driveway hand in hand and sending it to his parents. That picture was your lock screen on your phone for a good long while.

That same stupid damn truck waiting for you in the driveway.

“You look incredible.” He murmured in your ear, voice as sweet as honey, pulling you in for a kiss as soon as he’d opened the door for you to get in the car. You were sure your parents were still watching, but you kissed him back anyway. “You’re not too bad yourself, handsome.”

You sat at the spot hear the lake in the car again, for that extra hour you had. You weren’t too heavy hearted, not at all, because you’d both gotten accepted into Ithaca College in New York. Even though everything would be changing, you would have everything changing together. You’d even found a sweet little apartment together, close by to campus. You’d gotten a job at a café down the road, and he was doing editing on YouTube.

You were reminiscing on your best memories of Massachusetts. Of how you met. Of school.

You two against the world.

You and your family cheered loud when your boyfriend got up on the podium and accepted his certificate, your parents sitting right next to his, and you still waiting in line.

His eyes first found his parents, your parents, and then you.

It was always you.

Him and his family cheered loud when you got your own certificate. He was already lined up with the rest of the fellow graduates, holding up his certificate. But he was simply entranced by your wide smile and laughter.

Your eyes first found your parents, his parents, and then him.

It was always him.

Always each other.

You went to a party, laughing getting drunk with your friends. Celebrating what you’d call freedom. Hand in hand. You’d stumbled back into his house, which was now allowed according to your parents and his, because you were both 18.

The next day you were hungover, eyes dreary and heavy with a bit too much alcohol. Regret, pancakes, and those prized hours of sleep.

The day after you were ready. That dumb Toyota Tacoma once again sitting in your driveway at around Midday. Ready for you two to make the trip to Ithaca. The sweltering heat of the start of summer coming down on you two in heavy rays.

Loading your boxes into the car, your parents and his parents chatting in your house. Playfully nudging him while you two walked down the driveway, he gasped.

“Oh, so you want me to drop your precious valuables?”

“No!” You’d squeal, as he set another box down in his boot and lift you up to spin you around. The joy in the air undeniable. Independence and your very own space to yourselves, together.

Everything together. Not a statement, but a promise.

Soft goodbyes to parents, long hugs and promises to call, tears pairing with the new feeling of independence. You felt upset, but also happy. Happy you had set life plans, that you’d graduated and now knew what you were doing, alongside the love of your life.

Ted would always be the love of your life. You were so sure of it at the time.

Endless chatter filled the car as you two drove to Ithaca. He’d insisted on driving, teasing you that you’d crash his car when you’d told him to take a break and let you drive. A few pit stops and many cans is sods and bags of chips later, you were in Ithaca and loading your boxes into your dorm.

Sharing looks at the state of said dorm, but embracing it as your new home anyway. You’d make it your own.

✮

College was hard, but you made time. You were both doing your degrees that went for the same length, and yet you still found time for each other. You always would.

It wasn’t hard to find friends, and considering you and Ted were always attached, you fit in well to a friend group together. Days had studies or work, smoking weed and drinking and parties were what weekend nights held. Kisses and shotgunning, and so much more. Your parents would kill you and his parents would kill him if they knew, but hey, that’s the fun of college.

You watched him start off his YouTube career properly in 2017, as a part time kind of thing. You encouraged him, even, sometimes appearing in the back of his videos. In 2019, sometimes you’d be in a Lunch Club video or two, simply as ‘Ted’s Cool Girlfriend’, and you’d play on his account on SMPLive. You met all of his other friends, and familiarised yourself in his world as the end of your degrees neared.

And yes, you were the girlfriend, with your dad in town, that he had to cancel on when he went to a misfits party during the day, because he did indeed have a 400mg edible. His friends continuously sending you videos of him stuck on the couch, questioning his entire life choices, chugging water for his cottonmouth. Shaking, while narrating the whole situation like it was a storybook. Trying to tough it out. You still have the video on your phone of Schlatt putting a handheld massager on your boyfriend who looks half dead. You’d also made his friends use that old Polaroid camera to take a picture, knowing he’d want to look back at it and laugh.

You’d lied through your teeth to your dad, still laughing at the videos, which hadn’t helped anyway because about a month later Ted posted a video on it anyway. He most definitely got reprimanded by his parents and your own.

✮

As the end of college edged closer, nights were spent studying, or in the library together. Comfortable silences, with the occasional jab or joke. It was all so perfect.

And yet, it almost felt like for once in the last 12 years, you two were living separate lives. Not simply attached at the hip anymore, you two were so different.

You were close, always, but something felt off.

✮

Before you two had began college together, you’d sat in the back of his Toyota Tacoma down at the lake, laying on pillows wrapped up in blankets staring at the stars. A few weeks before highschool graduation.

“We should travel the world together, Teddy. Go see everything amazing out there. You could make a short film of it, or something. Travels with ted.”

His eyes lit up, the prospect of it making him yearn for the future.

“That’s a stupid name.” He teased. “But I like that.”

You giggled, playfully hitting his chest. “I’m being serious!

“As am I, that’s a stupid name. And I want to travel with you.” His lips found yours, he kissed you softly, carefully. To show he meant it. “We can start saving.”

✮

And you did start saving, you both were still saving.

And yet you hadn’t talked about it since at least 2018, hadn’t had time to even think about it. Far too busy with the whirlwinds of the world of New York City and College.

You sat on the couch, May 3rd 2020, exactly one month before your graduation.

He sat on the floor while you sat on the couch, his head between your legs facing away while you two watched a movie. His hands on your legs, your hands in his hair. But something felt distant, you felt distant.

You were lost in your thoughts, anxiety creeping up in your gut. Crawling through your body, seeping into your head. You watched his head move to look back at you, and you blinked.

“Are you okay, honey?” He murmured, those big brown eyes finding yours, his voice soothing but ringing through your ears.

“Yeah. Yeah. I’m good. Why?” You managed to stammer out, tone laced with nervousness. You were never good at lying.

“I said somethin’ about the movie and you didn’t reply.” His eyes narrowed, concerned. It was then he noticed your laboured breath, and the rhythmic tapping of your foot against the floor beside him. He reached for the remote to pause the film, and sat beside you on the couch. His hand finding yours, and his shoulder touching yours.

“Are you sure you’re okay?” The words made your throat feel heavy, your lips parting to speak but nothing coming out. “You look like you’ve got something on your mind.”

I do. The thought rattled in your brain, as you built the courage to speak.

“I do.” You could hear that your own voice was shaky. You swallowed hard. “I was just, thinking.. um..”

“That’s rare.” He teased quietly, holding your hand. You laughed quietly, shaking your head.

His joke brought just that little bit of relief, if only for a brief moment. You found your voice.

“I was thinking about our future.” You paused for a moment.

“I was thinking about us.”

You saw his eyes process the statement that was more of a question, with a blink. A thousand unspoken words on his tongue, and your own too.

Are you still coming with me? Is what you were asking. Are we still going to travel together like we always said we would?

He hesitated, and you knew. A little part of you just knew.

“Everything is going really well for me, here.” He almost sounded shameful. His eyes unable to find yours, you knew they were filled with guilt and empty promises.

You hesitated, this time.

“I don’t want to stay.” You were breathless as the words tumbled out of your mouth.

And at that moment, for the first time, you felt worlds apart. His hand on yours felt distant, nothing else in the room but just.. you. You and your own thoughts.

The words had triggered an argument, tears, a fight or flight response. You slept at your friends dorm that night, yet you’d hardly slept at all.

You came back to open arms the next morning, whispered apologies, flowers and pancakes. And the salty taste of tears.

But it felt over. A certain sinking feeling in your gut, eating you up. You knew he felt it too.

Your greatest fear was right there in front of you. Making your hands shake and your knees weak. You and your other half.

You two were finally growing apart.

─── ⋆⋅☼⋅⋆ ───

[milliesfishes]

౨ৎKnow That My Love Would Burn With Me/We'll Live Eternally (Birthdays)౨ৎ

౨ৎ꣑ৎmasterlist౨ৎ꣑ৎ [fem reader] contains: stress pairing: fem reader x billy the kid summary: ~birthdays~ author’s note: forever thank you to @phantomamour <3 Pinterest Board Spotify Playlist

The sun was tracing a river up your leg, the part that wasn’t covered by your chemise. Droplets from your time in the water glittered on your skin, and you sighed, relaxing into Billy’s chest. His big arm was slung heavy over your chest, cheek leaning against your head. You were sitting pretty between his legs, lazily spread to accommodate your body. 

“Mm,” you mumbled as he adjusted his arm over your breasts. 

He kissed the side of your head. “Sorry, sweetheart.” You’d been sensitive there as of late, a common occurrence close to your monthly.

“This is nice,” you breathed, and he thumbed your collarbone. You settled back into his chest, warmed by sunlight. “It’s been ages since we’ve been over here.”

“We were here with Annie just last week,” he corrected, and you shifted in his hold. 

“It’s been ages since we came here, just the two of us.” You drummed your fingers against his wrist, taking in a deep breath in and out. “Everything with Annie’s birthday…”

“You’re doing a real good job, angel,” he promised, reaching up to brush your hair over your shoulder. “It’s gonna be a nice day.”

“I just want it to be perfect for her.” You sat up, turning to look at him. “It’s an important birthday.”

“Honey you’ve said that every year,” Billy said, trying to pull you back into his chest. “You’re running yourself ragged.”

“She’s turning twelve, Billy,” you said softly, not coming down with him. “She’s growing up so fast. If we blink we’ll miss it.”

The years had passed by so quickly, a moment in your mind full of magic and wonder and love that had nourished both you and Billy so wholly. It was like your heart grew with every new year, love becoming something you couldn’t have enough of. Your darling daughter was your light, your guiding force. She was yours and Billy’s, to love and keep for now.

For now.

Billy was quiet for a moment, kissing your shoulder. He rested his chin there, humming something familiar. When he spoke again, his tone was gentle. “It feels like yesterday she was losing teeth, huh?”

You laughed, finally sinking back into him. “It does.” Musing, you hid your face in his chest, curled up between his legs. “She’s a good girl. Your daughter through and through.”

“Yours too,” he said, and you could hear the smile in his voice. “She’s a sweetheart just like you.” Giggling, you hid your face back in his shoulder, slumping against him. His big hand traced patterns into your spine as you relaxed. “You just rest, darlin’. You’ve been so tired lately.”

“Mhm.” You were getting sleepy lying out here in the sun, your combined exhaustion with the heat making your eyes heavy. “We gotta go back. Gotta get dinner ready still.”

“I’ll take care of it, baby. Just rest,” he soothed, rubbing your side. “I’ve got you. Everything’s okay.”

Billy always had a way of calming you, and it wasn’t failing now. You breathed out, doing as he said. Drifting off, visions of flowers and birthday candles danced under your eyes, broken only by your lover’s fingers drifting up and down your side. Releasing a tense breath, you slipped into a dream, ignoring the twinges in your body, trying to tell you something you weren’t awake enough to care for at the moment. All that mattered was the smooth lull of the wind in the trees and Billy’s soft whisper to rest in your hair. 

Everything was okay, just like he said.

The fresh blossoms you’d carefully woven together the night before sat pretty atop Annie’s head as she bounded inside from her walk with her father. She was breathless, half laughing along with Billy, who removed his hat and hung it on the corner of one of the chairs by the kitchen table.

You caught your daughter in your arms, nose falling to her hair, sweet smelling as ever. “How was it?” 

“We saw bluebirds!” she exclaimed, looking up at you with bright eyes. You cherished the fact that she still loved the small and darling things about the world. 

“Birthday bluebirds,” Billy added on, sinking into the chair and nearly upsetting his hat. He gave you a lazy grin, eyes knowing. “Annie, I think there might be somethin’ in your room.”

She whirled around to look at him. “What?”

“Go look.” You released her with a kiss to her hair and she flew down the hall to where her surprise waited for her. Billy extended a hand in the meantime, which you took and allowed him to pull you down to sit on his thigh. Your legs tucked themselves primly between his, and you leaned against his chest as his arm fell to wrap around your waist, cheek warm against the top of your head. 

“You know you coulda come with us?” Billy rubbed your waist over your dress.

“I wanted you two to have some time,” you smiled, rewarded with a kiss to your brow. “And I’m a little tired anyways. It’s okay.”

“Hmm?” Billy secured both arms around you, holding you flush to his chest. “You’ve been tired real often, sweetheart. You feelin’ okay?”

“It’s just stress,” you assured him, rubbing a soothing circle into his chest. “Nothing that can’t be fixed by some rest.”

When you looked up at him his brow was scrunched, mouth poised to say something else, but he was cut off by a loud squeal from elsewhere in the house accompanied by rushed footsteps. Annie appeared in a blur of smiles and sunshine, leaping forward and throwing her arms around you and Billy. “The canvases are beautiful! And the new paints!”

“Your daddy was so excited to make them for you,” you smiled, wrapping your free arm around her. 

Billy squeezed you both tight. “You’re gonna make something beautiful like you always do. Happy birthday sweet girl.”

“I love you.” Those three little words never failed to bring joy to your heart, and when they were filled with so much happiness it nearly brought you to tears. Perking up, her eyes widened. “Maybe I can make it in time to get the sunset!” Annie disappeared in the blink of an eye, leaving you with a smile.

The silence that followed her departure was soft, filled with Billy’s gentle touch. It was broken when he stretched an arm out, tilting his head back with a hand still on your tummy. “I’ll start dinner.”

“Oh, I’ve already got it going over the fire,” you smiled, straightening one of his suspenders. “Just need to watch it. And there’s a cake in the oven.”

“I can keep an eye on it all,” he promised, lips pressing to your temple. “You go lie down for a bit.”

“It’s no problem,” you tried, but he patted your waist.

 “C’mon. Go rest up, you’ve been busy today.” Billy bounced his knee and you giggled. He did it again, using the distraction to sweep you into his arms and stand up, carrying you through your laughter and landing in your bedroom atop the covers. You threw your arm over your head, looking up at him with half-lidded eyes. He knelt at your side, smoothing your hair and kissing your forehead, his stubble scratchy on your skin. “Close your eyes for me?”

Still smiling, you did as he asked, beginning to relax. Billy gave you one last kiss on the forehead before you heard his footsteps exit the room. You shifted, your exhaustion finally catching up to you. He was right about you having been tired lately. Your body was achy too, even though the time for your monthly had long passed. 

Eyes flying open, you bolted up, a jolt of confusion rocking you to your core. It had been two months since you’d bled. All the figures began to add up in your head as you recalled how different your body had felt as of late as a whole, like it wasn’t your own anymore. Even Billy had commented on it, you recalled, on one of those late nights when he was determined to kiss a trail down every portion of you. “You’re softer,” he’d said nearly worshipfully. “Like you’re glowing.” 

At the time you’d not taken it into account. But now it was yet another mark against you.

Shakily, your hand moved to cover your stomach, a feeling of panic constricting your throat. Six years. Six years since you’d pleaded with any higher power for this very thing and now it was here. Despite the doctor’s apologies and warnings somehow this had persevered. By all rights it was impossible and yet…

Sleep was out of the question now. You laid back down, tears rising in your throat as you shut your eyes and tried to feign unconsciousness in case Billy came back in to check. You could hear his quiet humming from the kitchen, the only note of comfort in this moment. Should you tell him? That notion was dispensed of almost immediately. He’d be so disappointed if this happy news turned sour.

Your body wasn’t equipped to support such a fragile little life. The way it had been abused and altered was sure to destroy the baby growing inside, and the thought of it devastated you to no end. Stiffening atop the covers, you tilted your face sideways into the pillow and let a single tear fall, arms crossed over your middle.

Maybe you were atoning for some unknown sin, this gift given for the sole purpose of being taken away.

Previous Part | Next Part

[lazylattedgleam]

Request:

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Prelude to a New Tomorrow

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“If I gift you a Yellow Pansy each day…would you understand how often I think of you?”

(Current: The art of simplicity-004)

(Previous: Sylus Archives(Article: I)-003)

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Over these four months, the friendship that you two had been building was blooming ever so beautifully…it made you feel great, it was something that finally finally provided yourself enough closure that you’ve made tremendous progress with tackling with your past heartbreak. It made you value the friendships that you possessed, more than anything. You felt grateful to life for introducing him…

Your meet-ups weren’t restricted to the coffee house anymore…you’d gone to many of Linkon’s famous places, like Azure Square, Stellar Park, and many more…You’ve started taking your meds and supplements on time again, began to take better care of yourself…often times you’d ponder back upon the times where you felt like everything was lost and you were left all alone in the void and pain…you never truly understood the value of platonic love in the life of individuals, but now you do…it came to your life in the form of true amity…Your friends, be it old or new, have helped you make progress, and where you stood now. That being said of course you didn’t completely forget about the past, but you learnt to live alongside it, accepting it…you finally felt alright…

….

It was a Sunday evening, the two of you were strolling around Stellar Park, the gentle breeze hitting your features, easing a soothing sensation of peace to your demeanour…you had the overwhelming urge to invite him to your place and listen to songs together in peace…

Sylus’s arrival into your life has added an essence of music in your otherwise flat story…you couldn’t explain it to yourself why or how…but certain songs that you would play from your playlist…listening alone, maybe at home, work or perhaps even at the coffee shop, you could imagine sitting with him, or chatting with him or just being in his presence while doing so…it was a strange sensation but it brought you calmness…calmness which you’ve been yearning for too long now…

“Is there something on my face?”

“Hmm?”

“You were staring.”

“Oh! Uh sorry, I didn’t mean to make you uncomfortable…I was just lost in thought…”

“Mhm.”

“Skye”

“Hmm?”

“Can we get some ice cream?”

“Sure why not.”, he bought two ice cream cones from a nearby cart, heading back towards you…

It amazed you how quickly he’d mastered the learning of your favorite ice cream flavor…well it being among the many of your favorites that he’s mastered learning about…

“…”

“…”

“…”

“I have iron-deficiency anaemia”, you blurt out…umm girl why? Anyways you don’t know why—

He looked at, confusion filled behind his eyes, mixed with the seasoning of worry and…something you couldn’t quite decipher…

“I don’t know why Skye…I just…I wanted to…maybe it’s the weather or the ice creams or the lights or the stars or the breeze or whatnot…I wanted to…”, the part of the sentence which you couldn’t complete was that you felt safe…you felt really safe and comfortable…

He held your free hand in his…and smiled…it was so soft, so warm…it made you feel all tingly and special…

“Thank you…”

You nod…you didn’t know if it was a spell that your friendship had casted upon you, but you are more vocal…vocal with your feelings, than you ever have been in the past…especially when you used to be with…

Maybe it was just because you couldn’t write anymore…you needed to have one passageway for the free flowing of your emotions…

Yet on the other hand, there were moments like right now…when the complete contrary would take place. The two of you would barely exchange words, yet the silence would range through various emotions…

…..

The next day at work, you were feeling more refreshed than ever, a smile on your face that was genuine while you hummed tunes in your head, as you did your job…

Raya looked in your direction from the Yellow Pansies section, a small smile struck her face too, these few months you’ve been making impressive progress and were finally on the verge of becoming truly you again…what more could she wish for as your best friend…she loved you, ever so dearly, she always wanted the best for you…

An idea struck her mind as she carried a yellow pansy in her hand walking over to you at the front desk, twirling the small flower’s soft petals against your cheek…while your fingers were effortlessly gliding over the computer keys, following their own rhythm, as you were entering in the records of the ongoing purchases and shipments to come…it was a slow day…yet sales went on efficiently…

“You know what they say? A yellow pansy symbolises that someone might be/is thinking about you~ or in this case, maybe you are thinking of someone~”,

She hands you over the flower, as you gently take it and swirl it around in your fingers…it was so delicate to touch, so pretty to look at…the grin on your face widened…

Were you thinking of—

“Soooo who’s the mystery that had been spiralling all across your brain, hmm? Who’s all this humming and rhythms for?”

“Shut up.”, you giggle as you place the pansy upon the ridge where your right ear and hair met.

“No way you have to tell meeeeeee!”

“Hushhhhh!”

“Cmooooon!”

“No—”

Just then a customer came in, the two of you looked at each other and greeted them in politely like always…

“Yes Ma’am, how may we help you?”

….

By the time you got off of work, it was around 11:00…it was too late, especially for Monday…well it all happened because the since evening you were experiencing rush hour, plus certain customers were rowdy, had to be kicked out…messed up the shop, though thankfully it was all minor…so yep basically arranging and rearranging everything took time for all of you, aaaaand hence the late…

The streets had grown almost fully empty, with a few people here and there… a cold breeze came in, it was chilly it gave you goosebumps…you hated this sort of scenario…

You tried to wander your mind off of unwanted thoughts which started to preoccupy your mind—

*ping!*

You take out your phone and your face instantly lights up.

SY-SY!

SY-SY!: Long day?

You: Yes ughh! I just got off of work like I’m exhausted, plus on top of that, some customers were being rowdy, messed up stuff here and there thankfully it was all minor damage…also not forgetting rush hour!!

You: I’m so happy now that you texted :DD

SY-SY!: Hmm. If you ever want to teach them a nice lesson, I’m here. All I need are the names. Even the cctv footage’s would do.

You: Oh dear Sylus don’t annihilate them off of the face of the Earth!

SY-SY!: Of course not. Just a lesson well taught…and making sure that it was well learnt too

SY-SY!: *nodding crow sticker*

You: I can sense the ominous tone from all the way here TT~TT

You giggle as you walk towards your apartment.

You: Heading towards my apt rn—WAIT I TOTALLY FORGOT! HOW DID YOU KNOW I HAD A LONG DAY AT WORK, ARE YOU SPYING ON ME HMMMMMMMM?

SY-SY!: …

SY-SY!: You didn’t know? I planted a tracker inside the ice cream we had yesterday. Now it’s inside your stomach, hence I know your every move.

SY-SY!: I’m omnipresent.

You: NOT FUNNY SY I JSUT JUMPED AND SHRIEKED, I FEel BAD FOR MU NEIGHBOURS!

SY-SY!: *shrugging crow sticker*

You: SYLUS! IM REALLY FREAKING OUT RN! DID YOU REALLY DO IT? IS THAT WHY THE ICE CREAM HAD A METALLIC AFTERTASTE TO IT!”?

You: OI! ANSWER ME! (Read: 11:30 p.m.)

You: *rabbit aggressively thumping sticker* (Read: 11:31 p.m.)

You: I CAN SEE YOU READING ALL MY MWSAAVES! (Read: 11:31 p.m.)

You: SYLUS! (Read: 11:33 p.m.)

You: SLUES! (Read: 11:33 p.m.)

You: SULUS! (Read: 11:34 p.m.)

You: SHYLOCK! (Read: 11:34 p.m.)

SY-SY!: Make more variations of my name and I might just appear at your front door sweetheart~

You: AH! THATS IT IM NOT TWLKING WITH YOU ANYMORE! (Read: 11:35 p.m.)

You didn’t even freshen up as you plopped onto your couch, fingers violently tapping onto your phone’s screen, as you dialled his number.

*ring…ring…ring…*

*click!*

“YOU! ANSWER ME TELL ME THE TRUTH.”

“What’s the point the deed is over.”

“SYLUS I AM SERIOUSLY SHITTY TERRIFIED RIGHT NOW, AND I WILL CRY!”

“*sighs* I’m sorry I was just messing with you.”

“…Should I trust you…?”

“Yes…No…Maybe so…”

“SYLUS!”

“Okay okay, I really apologise from deep within my hearts secret chambers… *he chuckles in that husky, fine-wine voice of his…ugh this man…*”

“So you were actually messing with me?”

“Mhm.”

“How do I believe you?”

“Well, a leap of faith.”

“I hate you.”

“Mhm.”

“…”

“Tell me the real truth, how’d you know I got off late?”

“…It’s obvious, you text me everytime you reach and get off of work.”

“Mondays, Tuesdays you get out at around 09:00-10:00 usually. Wednesdays, Fridays and Saturdays are hectic, and calculating up the rush hours experienced, it takes you around 11:00, like today…Thursdays you leave early so maybe earliest by 08:00, and Sundays are your day-offs.”

“…”

“…”

“Woah…it’s like you have my schedule memorised…”

“That is because I do.”

Something struck the chord of your chest, emanating out a gentle humming tune…your bpm rose…

“…”

“…”

“You should freshen up now…I know you haven’t since you were too traumatised from earlier.”

“Did you have dinner? You have to take your medicines and supplements too”

You groaned at the memory, it was a pain to do this everyday…

“Yeah…yes I will…I have leftovers from yesterday, will heat em up and have…”

“Mhm.”

“How about you Sy? Did you have dinner? Or well breakfast according to your schedule…”

“All done.”

“…”

“…”

“Sy…”

“Hmm?”

“…”

“…”

You softly let out a “nevermind” from your lips…it was as soft as a whisper which upon falling became one with the air, hence he couldn’t hear…

“I’ll hang up now Sy…you promise you truthfully didn’t put any chip inside of me…?”

He could tell the fear and nervousness in your tone…maybe he’d taken it too far…he had learnt how easily scared you could get which made you really agitated.

He spoke with a gentle tone…

“I would never.”

*click*

….

SY-SY!

You: Hi! You’re prolly sleeping since it’s noon…and you sleep during the day, work at night bla bla bla…but umm…

You: Do you wanna meet up on Thursday pretty please? Destiny Cafe? I’m bored out of my mind :p

Sending the message, you continue having your lunch.

“Sooooo who’s this mystery person, that’s been occupying your mind all the time these days? ‘Pansy’ telling me?”

“Okay first of all that was a terrible pun, secondly umm well…it’s…you remember we went to that Jameson Auction, the big rich one for delivering the bouquets months ago?”

“…”

“…”

“YOU BEFRIENDED SOMEONE FROM THE N109 ZONE?! GIRL DO YOU HAVE A DEATH WISH—”

“See this is why I wasn’t telling you—stop shouting in my ear! Plus you’re getting spit all over my food!”

She took a deep breath in…

“You know you could get k*dnapped or worse…”

“I know I know! But he’s not like that believe you me! He’s sophisticated, he’s nice he’s sweet—”

“Uh huh uh huh, that’s what they all say…and then one day boom you’re gone…”

“Look Ray even I’m terrified like shit sometimes…but I trust him…I really really do…”

“And how long have you known him?”

“…4 months and more I guess…”

“How can you trust someone you’ve known only for that little duration?!”

“Look I ugh! I just don’t know okay? I just do! I have this immensely strong gut feeling…and if he wanted to harm me, he would’ve by now, he’s had plenty of opportunities…”

“…”

“I know you’re worried about me…but trust me when I say this Ray…you have seen me make progress right? It’s evident upon my features right? I mean you even say that yourself…and I’m finally really happy after a long time Ray…I don’t want anything bad to happen to this friendship…”

“…”

“…”

“Just be careful…is all I have to say…and don’t hesitate to call the police, the second you see something’s fishy…”

“Mhm..”

“So what’s his name? And what does he do, lemme guess he’s a dru—”

“NO! oof! Listen! His name is Skye and—”

“That’s a bird’s name…”, she said fully judgemental

You nod, pointing your finger onto the counter, “Now _that_ I agree with. He’s the human version of a literal crow.”

“…”

“So he steals stuff he’s a thief?”

“Where’s that coming fro—”

“I mean you just said yourself, he is the epitome of ‘if crows were humans’…and we know the behaviours of crows, always attracted to shiny things…how many jewelleries of yours are missing?”

You were frustrated and a bit mad, “Hey! He’s not any of that okay?! Cmon! He’s a very successful business man!”

“He’s in the fruit selling business and he’s a very successful, fruit vendor!”, you added blurting out. Ooo you were angy…

You huff and puff, when you notice the smirk on her face…you narrow your eyes, biting onto your sandwich… “What…?”

“Do I smell adoration~”

“RAY!”

“CMON IS IT? IS IT? IS IT? You grew all defensive!”

“NO! We’re just friends!”, your face grew dark crimson…

“….plus however much time may have passed…I’m still recovering Ray…I’m still not completely over Zayne…and I don’t think I’m ready for any feelings towards anyone…”, you sighed, there was a subtle sting around your chest but your brain ignored it…

She nodded, wrapping her arms around you… “I know…I know…and I’m proud of how much progress you’ve made…I’m sorry I shouldn’t have teased you like that…but (Name)…maybe try to check for possible cues given by your heart too?”

….

…“No way in heck he had 5 million from just fruit business!”

Uh oh…she didn’t forget the bid he raised, well it was partially your fault too you kept reminding her that night…

“Well fruits are very popular! And he has the freshest of the fresh of each stack! I mean like us!”

“…Babe none of us would ever go close to making that amount, even if we calculated our individual wages of ten years…”

“It’s…a family business…”

“…Well then I might have to see the shop sometime…”

“…sure”

She looked at you, as you finished locking up the shop. Cupping your face gently… “Look hon, I love you and hence I care for you the most, just…be safe and careful okay?”

You nod…placing your palms on top of her hands… “I promise…”

You check your phone as you walked out the shop after telling your goodbyes to Raya…

SY-SY!

You: Hi! You’re prolly sleeping since it’s noon…and you sleep during the day, work at night bla bla bla…but umm…

You: Do you wanna meet up on Thursday pretty please? Destiny Cafe? I’m bored out of my mind :p (Delivered: 02:07 p.m.)

Your face falls slightly…

‘Huh…he hasn’t replied yet…must be busy…’, you thought completely ignoring the weird sensation you felt suddenly surge through your body…

….

Thursday soon arrives, you’ve heard nothing from Sylus since Tuesday…

Currently after work sitting at Destiny Cafe, in the hopes that he’d surprise you with a cameo appearance…

An hour passed, your second cup of Boba too had finished, the freshly baked star cookies and the Americano-Large, you’d ordered for him, had long gotten cold to even touch…

Your worry started to grow, what if he was hurt or what if some unpleasant situation arrived or what if he was taken hostage or—

Just then you felt a sudden tap on your shoulder, turning your head behind you saw a soft smile on his face as he subtly waved at you…

Your face lit up, as if the darkness that once shrouded your countenance had been long forgotten upon his arrival. You felt giddy with glee.

“Skye!”

“Miss me?”

“Yeah! Why didn’t you text back? I was worried sick, I thought you’d been taken hostage or something…”

He gave out his iconic deep husky chuckle, as he sat opposite to you, facing you, taking a cookie in his mouth, and a sip of his drink.

“Wait hey they’ve gotten cold…”

“Doesn’t mean they’re any less delicious. Besides you ordered them for me, it’d be a shame to let them go to waste.”

“…”

“Were you really that worried about me sweetheart~?”

“Yeah duh!”

“Well to ease your worries, look, I’m in tip-top shape. And don’t worry, anyone would think their upon their entire lifetime, before even having the thought directly aiming for me.”

“Hmm…”, you wanted to ask him…but you didn’t want to seem like a bother…

He’d sensed your uneasiness…like always, so he continued.

“I had some things that needed to be taken care of. It’s confidential.”

“Uh oh how many people did you put to sleep forever…”

“Do you really think that’s all I am ever capable of?”

“No I—”

“…”

“I’m sorry…I didn’t mean to offend you I just I got really worried and umm down that you hadn’t texted back…I enjoy talking to you a lot Sy…I’m so sorry…”

He sighed, reaching out for your hand…

“Mhm…I know…so do I…”

You both sat like that for sometime…basking in your silence…as you stared out the window, it was a cloudy evening…maybe it’s gonna rain soon…

“And you?”

“Hmm?”, you diverted your gaze back at him…

“You got off of work early.”

“Oh yeah…things were taken care of and well there was no load today sooo…I thought I’d get out early today…of course I talked to Mrs. Li before and she allowed…besides Ray said she’d handle it…”

“Oh that reminds me! I still have yet to introduce you to Raya! When do you wanna meet her? Pleeeeeaaaase want to meet her…”, you spoke excitement reeling off of your posture. He smiled as he replied,

“Any day you would prefer.”

“Ok then! Next week, Thursday, come over during closing time? Well that is if you’re free…”

“Sure.”

You grinned, as your gaze went back outside…it was to be raining soon, you can’t let him go off like that, not when your apartment was only a few walks away…besides…you want to spend some more alone time with him…

All you need now is to gather up the courage and ask…Cmon you can do it girl…

“Ahem…umm…Skye…”

“Mhm?”

“Well you see it’s gonna be raining soon and umm I’d hate for you to go in the rain when my apartment is only just a few walks away plus you have no umbrella—”

“I have my bike.”

“…way to ruin it I hate you.”, he laughed out,

“Okay okay I apologise, do go on”

“…”

“I am sincerely and deeply sorry and regretful of the choices that I had put forth. The following mistake shall not ever be repeated again in the future.”

“Pffft…so yes…what I was gonna ask was that umm…do you…well do you want to come over to mine?”, there you did it, ripped the bandaid off!

“I would love to.”

…

“Did you already—”

“No.”

“Or maybe—”

“No.”

“What if—”

“No.”

…

You had tidied up your bed, to make space for the both of you. You’d even made him freshen up after you in the bathroom, where he almost knocked down your shampoos and soaps and other necessities, bonking his head onto the shelves…

“What the fuck?”, you rush inside the bathroom—

“WOAH LOCK THE DAMN DOOR! AND CLEAN UP EVERYTHING YOU DAMN LAMPPOST!”, your face fully dark crimson as you run out, slamming the door shut…that idiot was already in a towel and he didn’t even bother to lock the door first…You heard him laugh from inside, as he locked the door.

…Later you’d even him given your pair of oversized pink hello kitty pyjamas that you owned…you never understood why, because they were enormous…and they fit him perfectly…plus of course you’d made him clean and change first, because there was no way he was getting in your bed, with his outside clothes, be it however expensive.

“Pffft…”

“I look rather lovely and elegant.”, he stared at your mirror, a subtle smirk on his face.

“Ahaha oh I wish I had a ribbon on me right now!”

“I neeeeed to take a picture!”, as you quickly fish out for your phone, opening the camera app quickly without ever waiting for his permission.

“Oh! Wait!”, you rush to your closet, taking out a small round plastic box, inside which were kept, multiple tiny clips. “You cannot say no! Now sit!”

As the both of you sat down on your bed, folding your knees, you didn’t even need to ask because before you could utter he’d let his head down, within your reach for you to fasten the clips to his hair.

You happily decorated his hair with red, yellow, pink, tiny ribbon clips which contrasted oh so silly with his silvery-white coloured hair…

“Ahhhh I will cry you look so adorable! Waaa!”, you giggled.

*click!* one with a single of him

*click!* and the other with the two of you. Sitting together knees touching, as you leaned towards him, doing a heart pose with your fingers.

“Look it came out so good!”, you grinned…but little did you notice the warm soft smile and pair of ruby eyes, examining your every animation…

Sitting down on your bed, you patted the spot next to yourself…

“Make yourself at home and comfy!”, he sat down…you were about to plop down flat when he stopped you.

“Have your medicines first.”

“Ughhhhhhhhhhhhhh.”

“Now.”

“Fine.”, you huff as you did what he said.

…

Soon you two laid down beside each other in your bed,

Lights turned off, whatever illumination was present were coming from your phone, whose screen was left on…

the pitter-patter of the rain adding to the serenity of the atmosphere, both inside and outside…

Then an idea struck your mind…

“Sy…”

“Mhm?”

“Do you like songs?”

“I think you should very well know by now…”

“No I do but…I mean you’re mostly into vintage and old fashioned genre…I have some songs which I want to make you listen as well…and right now is the perfect weather…I just want to be sure…”

“I will cherish anything you make me listen to…”

…that tugged at your heartstrings…he was really getting skilled at doing so…but you didn’t mind one bit…

“Then…”

As you reached for your EarPods…changing the bud of the right one, wiping it with the white cloth delicately, as you hand it to him…

He puts it on…

You put the left one to yours…connecting your phone with bluetooth to them…

His eyes wander your every movement, as you scroll scroll scroll and tap…

———————————————

🥀🥀🥀🥀🥀🥀🥀🥀🥀🥀🥀🥀🥀🥀🥀🥀🥀🥀🥀🥀🥀

🥀🥀🥀🥀🥀🥀🥀🥀🥀🥀🥀🥀🥀🥀🥀🥀🥀🥀🥀🥀🥀

(All credits, TW, Index have been mentioned on the Storymode page.)