#have a baby?' im throwing a bomb at them

[babbyspinch]

slav parents mentality is equivalent to windows xp, and their unwillingness to expand their mind is same as when the pc is so old that it doesnt allow an OS update. no matter how many times ive said it (w a foolish hope we will finally reach some understanding, im the idiot for thinking one of these days theyll come by) they cant quite grasp the concept of enjoying your own company and the fact that being by yourself is more of a peaceful time than around someone who will only make u feel out of place. why should i make myself uncomfortable ans force connections for the sake of visibly maintaining a social status so people(whose opinions i neitger survive off of nor care about) will know i have friends? that im not a loner weirdo w bad vibes? i like my company, i have fun when i go to things by myself, i enjoy my internal monologue(when its not trying to kill me). thats enough for me. im just trying to survive in any way i know how and this is one of the ways. why shame me for something thats a survival act? should i die then? they should be happy that i dont feel this lack that only another person could fulfil. but you know what fucks me up the most? my entire life ive seen them offer very good advice to people, empathizing with their issues and offering support, but theyve never done that for me. all those people ended up betraying them at one point whivh shoyldve been a wakeup call foe them to stop focusing so much on randoms and put some focus on their daughter who needed a parent growing up, and who was alone. who was so lost and afraid that she detached herself from the world to protect herself against this feeling. just why? what did i ever do for them to hate me like this? and when i mention all of this (ive gad approximately 40 arguments w them telling them everything i just wrote, they tell me its all in my head. really? the way u act and the fact i can observe it and make the comparison in whivh it does NOT match how ur like w total strangers means im hallucinating? theyre so pathetically unfit to be parents that theyre both going the manipulating tactics just to try to ease off some responsibility, and to avoid the fact theyve failed me and as parents

so this is where yet another shitty slav mentality comes into play: following the unspoken societal order of dating -> marriage -> kids (and a subcategory of -> kids paying off debt for being born into the world). they shouldve left it at marriage and just focused on eachother (which is what they do now anyway) instead of not only bringing me into the world but also making every day a living hell for me. ill be resentful of them for the rest of my life for everything theyve done(aka for what they havent done) and said. and ill return the treatmant the same day i move out and never call them again

[abbysbug]

streamer!ellie x streamer!reader pt2

cw; threaten to bomb, domestic violence joke/comment, mention of wanting to make porn, loser stupid ellie

a/n; i freaking love writing for streamer!ellie shes so silly (and me)

discord

-

she has recently discovered overwatch and thats all she can think about.

she's so excited to stream it.

@carpetmuncherwilliams okay chat. are you excited for the overwatch stream 2night :3

@venomnutjuice title: i try to get out of bronze (impossible)

@carpetmuncherwilliams WHAT THE FUCK

• she is hardstuck bronze...

• (for all my non-gamers bronze is the lowest rank in the game)

• you've been playing overwatch longer than ellie, so you're more skilled and a higher rank.

• you create alt accounts to smurf in ellie's lobbies and boost her.

• "y'know, you're technically my e-kitten and i'm your e-daddy."

• "please kill yourself, baby. please do it and record it so i can make money off of it."

• "i will throw your game, ellie."

• "NO"

• she has spent over $200 on this game. you've tried to stop her, but she cries and whines until you give her credit card back.

• she then complains about how she has no money.

• for some fucking reason, she loves streaming at 3am and screaming at the game.

you: ellie i am trying to sleep. be quite or im turning the stupid internet off and then you'll really have smth to scream about.

• "chat. the gf is threatening me. should i bomb her or no."

@oogaboogaman woah!! ellie being domestically violent in 2024??

@snoopyisking can we ban ellie

@elliesbabyholder idk about yall but im with ellie. ill bust you out of jail

• she was planning to be quite but someone killed her in overwatch and she screamed.

• she hears ur thumping footsteps before she sees you walk in.

• "fuckin' give me that."

• you snatch her headphones off her head and put them on.

• "sorry, chat. i have to treat ellie like a little baby and put her in time out because she cant be quiet at 3am."

• then you end the stream and have to basically drag a pouting, grumpy ellie into bed.

• "what if a major porn company found me streaming and wanted to hire me then we got rich and you just ruined my chances."

• "you are not making porn."

• "but the money."

• "go to sleep."

@carpetmuncherwilliams porn comapnies hmu

"you can't even spell companies. delete that rn."

@carpetmuncherwilliams nvm dhmu. gf not happi

• ellie thinks overwatch memes are hilarious and her twitter is filled with it.

@carpetmuncherwilliams

@poopypiepee wise words..wise words..

• "winton"

-

@elliesmistress @yalaysbee @smelliewilliams @mystellenia

i tagged people who wanted to be tagged in my previous streamer!ellie fics

[getmeoutofhell]

HEYY!! i have a req! could you do where like reader dresses up as art for halloween? but like not during the day but when he gets home? like reader is dressed in black and white lingerie? like the top is a white lacy corset and the underwear is black and lacy too?? and when he comes home he just sees the reader and shit goes DOWN! if not its totally okay! make it as long as you want make it as short it doesn’t matter! whatever your heart desires! im sorry if this is also to much to ask for! but ily and take your time or dont do it! whatever youd prefer! 🫶🏻🫶🏻

Art the Clown x F! reader smut

summary: reader decides to dress up as art for a surprise, but he had other plans.

warnings: smut!, cussing.

it was 9pm, art should be home soon. you look at yourself in the mirror one last time before walking out yalls shared bedroom. you decided today you wanted to dress like him as a surprise. if we’re being technical, your outfit wasn’t exactly like his. it was a lingerie version. before he got home you had also cleaned up the house (basically cleaning up after him as usual). you and art have been together for some time now, meaning yalls anniversary is coming up soon, so you thought now would be the perfect time.

you hear the door downstairs creak open, indicating art’s finally home. you miss him every second he’s away from you. you bought him a phone, to text him while he’s away, and not even a week later he broke it. you told him not to put his phone in the bad of sharp objects, but of course he has to be stubborn and do everything his way all the time. you watch art as he shuts the door and places his bag on the side before stripping out of his clown shoes. he must be really tired to take off his shoes right as he enters the house, it’s rare for him to do that. he then grabs his air horn and starts to abuse it, it’s his way of letting you know he’s home. “hi baby! i have a surprise for you but you have to close your eyesss.” he immediately complies and covers his eyes with hands as you walk down the stairs. you tell him no peaking before guiding him to the living room couch, having him take a seat on the sofa. you can see him smiling due to how high his cheeks are raised, making you smile at him. he’s so cute when he’s not out killing, but his evil side also attracts you in a way.

“okay are you ready?” you ask, placing your hands over arts. he nods like a small school boy, eager to see what his surprise is. you start to count down from 3. “3…2…1…open!” he opens his eyes before looking you up and down with the biggest grin known to man. he starts to clap his hands and toot his horn and the sight of you. “i’m you, kinda.” he loves it!! that’s good, maybe it’ll make him not so sleepy. when all of sudden, he stops clapping and his face goes blank. you step back slowly, confused on his sudden change of emotions. you know art is a ticking time bomb, one minute he’s happy the next he’s pissed off and you don’t know why. as you were about to ask him what’s wrong, he gets up from the couch standing directly in front of your face. you feel his hot breath against your nose as he looks down at you. in moments like these, you feel your heart sink to the bottom of your stomach. what if he decides to just bash your fucking brains in, not caring about you or anything anymore. not that he cares about anything right now anyway, but still. he places his left hand on your cheek. your eyes never left his face. you take notice in his facial features, noticing his wrinkles around his eyes and his blonde eyelashes, his little black hat that he always wears on his head. he was handsome when he was serious, but also he was deadly.

he out of nowhere suddenly grabs you and throws you over his shoulder, making you let out a scream. “art!! what the fuck!” you’re then taken upstairs to y’all’s shared room, as he throws you on the bed. he takes this chance to guide his hands down to your legs, before spreading them open for him. art has this problem where he randomly gets horny, but i guess you did wear the costume on purpose or whatever…but that’s not important right now. you take a look at arts pants, seeing a boner forming. i guess dressing up as him did work. you can’t help but crack a smirk at that. you’ve been waiting all damn day for this moment, so why not enjoy every bit of it. art then starts kissing you up your neck, you feel him leaving hickeys or at least trying too anyway. you slightly moan feeling his tongue slide over your delicate skin. art takes advantage of this, sliding his hand inside of your panties, immediately attaching his ring and minder finger to your swollen clit. “oh!”

you then put your hands on his back, grabbing the zipper to his costume and unzipping it. “baby, let me take this off of you.” he ignores your request by pressing his fingers against your clit harder. a couple minutes later and you’re on the edge of your first orgasm of the day. “baby, i’m gonna cum please don’t stop.” he looks at you and cracks that certain smile that lets you know he might stop at any given moment. you beg him not to, wanting to let your orgasm ride out. he finally rolls his eyes and let’s you cum all over his fingers. it feels so good, you can’t describe how much pleasure he makes you have. someone so cruel and sick like him has your toes curling and back arching. it’s a blessing and a curse. he slowly removes his hand from your underwear, bringing his fingers to his mouth. he shoves them in, tasting your wetness on his tongue. he acts like you’re some sort of drug, he’s addicted to your pussy, it’s his favorite dessert after a long hard day.

his head somehow was now deep between your legs, licking up your pussy lips. the way his tongue dances on your clit makes you think he needs it. he acts like he does. your head was thrown back into the bed, and it felt so fucking good you couldn’t even moan properly. black and white face paint spread all over your inner thighs, but you didn’t care. all you cared about was cumming all over his face. “fuck!” you started grinding over his wet mouth, feeling your second orgasm approaching by the second. it was getting to much to the point where your legs started to shake like no other. what type of spell does he have on you? how does he know how to make you cum so fucking fast? you know you have no answers to those questions. you moan his name like a chant, as you finally let yourself go for the second time. your body couldn’t take it, you were so sensitive and he knew that.

as you’re trying to calm down from your orgasm, art didn’t even give you the time to before he lined his cock up with your entrance. “baby, i can’t take all of this at once.” once again, he ignored you and slide right in. your eyes had a mind of their own as they rolled in the back of your skull. his dick was so good, he’s fucks you like his life depends on it. he knew exactly where your g spot was and always abused that spot each chance he gets. you loved when he marked you as his, the way his cum filled you to the brim and you watched it drip out of you. “yes baby, give it to me! harder!” you moan his name again as skin on skin could be heard from everywhere, his balls slapping your ass. not to long later you feel art slow down his pace, telling you he’s about to cum. you always want him to cum inside so you bring him closer to you than he was already. arts legs started shaking against you. you’re cumming. it’s uncontrollable at this point, feeling your body go limp under him.

you wonder, does he actually know how much you mean to him. does he feel the same way?

hope this was to your liking!! let me know if you enjoyed :)

[krisdreaming]

hello! this is fr my first time requesting for a oneshot. i have this scenario that i CANT get out of my head and i really love how you articulate things so 😁😁😁

basically it is volleyball national match between japan and argentina where reader is a huge oikawa fan but is engaged to osamu. they went to check on atsumu before the game and reader BEGS atsumu to get them a pic with oikawa in which atsumu replies with; " 'samu are you hearing this?!" and osamu goes "theyre my fiancee. believe me, im more pissed than you are." both of the twins are half-jokingly upset that reader is more happy to see oikawa but reader made it clear that they are rooting for japan!

reader ends up getting a pic with oikawa, osamu being the one taking the pic with a scowl on his face.

i just thought it would be funny hehe

Hihi anon, I'm so sorry it's taken me so long to get to this one ;-; If you're reading this, you should know that it's been in the back of my mind ever since you first sent it. I've always been intending to write it, and I was just waiting for the perfect inspiration. And it finally hit me! It's Olympics time baby.

Pairing: Miya Osamu x gn!reader (but... it's not really the main focus?)

WC: 1k

"What did ya just ask me?" Osamu runs his fingers through his still-wet hair. He just stepped out of the bathroom, and you dropped a bomb on him.

"I said, do you think Atsumu can get me in to meet Oikawa Tooru tomorrow?" You bounce eagerly on the hotel bed.

"Ya do know Oikawa is on the opposite team, right?" Osamu asks slowly, and you flop back onto the bed with a groan.

"Of course, I'm not an idiot! It's just - you know I went to Aoba Johsai. I was a first year when Oikawa was a third year, so obviously I never actually met him, but my friends and I were kind of obsessed with him," You actually giggle. "Just imagine the looks on their faces when I get a photo with him!"

"It's like ya don't know my brother at all," Osamu sighs as he lifts the covers to crawl in bed. You scramble up and scoot in next to him. "Do ya know what it's gonna do to him if ya ask him that?"

"He's a big boy," You say breezily. "I think he can handle it."

Osamu just shakes his head, leaning over to turn off the lamp. "Just make sure he knows it was all your idea," He says pointedly, pulling the blanket up and settling back against his pillows.

"Just think," You sigh, snuggling your cheek against his bicep, "Tomorrow I'm going to meet the Oikawa Tooru."

"Yer already practically related to the Miya Atsumu. Isn't that enough?" He grumbles.

"He's old news," You chuckle, and Osamu huffs what could almost be considered a laugh through his nose.

"Whatever. Just get some sleep. Big day tomorrow." He presses a kiss to your lips. You settle in against his chest, but you aren't feeling very tired at all.

The next morning, Osamu grips your hand tight as you wind your way through the Olympic stadium. It's so full of people and sounds and lights, it almost makes you dizzy. Eventually, you hear Atsumu bellow your and Osamu's names.

"You're here!" He pulls you both into a bone crushing hug. "Ya all ready to cheer for me? I want ta hear ya yelling all the way on the court." He grins.

"Of course!" You say, completely sincere. "You're gonna kill it today, 'Tsumu." You sock him on the arm. He almost turns to go, but you stop him.

"Wait, 'Tsumu!" You say. "I've got a teeny, tiny favor to ask you." He narrows his eyes, and Osamu backs slightly away, as if denying any kind of association with you in this moment.

"What kinda favor?" He asks slowly. Your grin widens.

"Is there any way you can get me in to meet Oikawa Tooru?" You ask, clasping your hands in front of yourself and pasting on your best puppy dog look. Atsumu immediately swings around to glare at Osamu, who throws his hands up in defense.

"Are ya hearin' this?" He almost yells.

"I've been hearin' it for the last 24 hours," Osamu exaggerates drily. "And it wasn't my idea, 'Tsumu! Swear! Ya think I want my fiancée meetin' that pretty boy?"

Atsumu sighs, pinching the bridge of his nose for a moment. "Yer lucky I love ya," He finally bites out, and you can't hold back your excited squeak.

"Seriously?! Thanks, 'Tsumu!" You throw your arms around him, and he huffs.

"Guess we gotta hurry," He grumbles, turning on his heel. You grab for Osamu and practically drag him along behind you. Before you know it, you're surrounded with the team Argentina colors.

"Hiya," Atsumu approaches one of the team's managers and gestures to you, "Is Oikawa-san around? Got somebody that'd like to meet him."

"Oh? Someone looking for me?" At the sound of his voice, you turn, suddenly feeling like you're back in high school again, and just a little bit star struck.

"Oikawa-san!" You blurt out, "I was such a huge fan of yours in high school!" You can hear Atsumu feign a gag behind you, but you ignore him.

"No way, really?" Oikawa laughs, delighted. "I don't always get to meet such dedicated fans." He turns and rattles off something in Spanish to someone behind him. She produces a glossy photograph, and he scribbles his signature across it.

"Oh, wow," You gush, carefully gripping the photo so as not to smudge the fresh autograph.

"Hey, you got your phone there? We can get a quick picture." You pull it from your pocket immediately, pulling up the camera with shaky hands. Your friends are going to lose their minds.

"Here," Oikawa hands your phone to the same manager who'd just handed him the photo, and she holds it up, ready to snap the photo. When you turn to pose with him, you catch a glimpse of Osamu, arms crossed over his chest. The frown crinkling his brow is absolutely adorable. Atsumu, meanwhile, is cradling his forehead in his palm.

Oikawa slides his arm around you, the two of you smile, and that quickly, the photo is snapped.

"Thank you so much!" You retrieve your phone. "My friends aren't gonna believe this. This was so great of you, Oikawa-san."

"No problem," He gives his hand a wave, "Can I count on you cheering for me?" He asks, flashing you one of his signature grins. You feel your smile falter.

"Sorry," You say, biting your lip, "That's one thing I can't do."

His eyes dart to the twins, and to your surprise, he barks out a laugh. "Guess I should have expected that! He's a lucky guy to have you cheering for him."

"My future brother-in-law," You explain quickly, feeling Osamu's eyes boring into you. Oikawa laughs again, delighted.

"Don't you worry. I'll give him hell just for you." He winks, and you can't help but laugh at that.

"Thanks again!" You say quickly.

"Anytime," He says amiably, turning back to his team.

The twins descend on you immediately. You proudly display the photo on your phone, but Atsumu reaches for the signed photo in your hand.

"What the hell did ya need ta get his autograph for?" Atsumu grumbles.

"Oi!" Osamu reaches for your phone and peers a little closer at the photo. "Is that his hand on yer hip?"

You link your arms through both of theirs appeasingly, grinning widely. Would you look at that? You've managed to make both Miya twins jealous at once.

[themultifandomgal]

Kelly Severide- A New Baby Pt1

I never thought I'd get married and have kids. I just didn't think that I would ever find a man I'd consider having that kind of life with, but when Kelly Severide stepped into my life everything change. We didn't meet in the best of way. He's a fireman and I'm a police dog handler. There had been a bombing and they asked me to send my search and rescue dogs in. I fell for the guy there and then.

5 years on and we are married and have a beautiful daughter who's just turned 3 named Harper.

Today I woke up feeling off. Headache and nausea on and off. I have today off from work which is fantastic, but also my daughter is here and as much as I love her she can be an absolute nightmare

"Harper can you pick your toys up please"

"No thank you mommy" at least she's using her manners right?

"Harper. Daddy won't be happy when he comes home"

"Daddy loves me so he won't shout" Harper shrugs and she's right. She's a daddy's girl and she has him wrapped round her little finger. I'm always the bad guy and that's fine this is our dynamic, but sometimes it would be good to get a little help off him

"Right come on pick the toys up before someone hurts themselves"

"But I'm playing with them mommy"

"Harper I'm not feeling very well so please pick up your toys. I'll help, but your not getting anything else out until these toys are put away"

"Fine" Harper shouts and I rub my head as a headache begins again.

Once all the toys have been picked up I sit down on the couch and close my eyes for a moment

"Mommy?"

"Yes princess?" I open one eye to look at her

"When's dinner?"

"When daddy gets home"

"When's that?"

"Soon" I reply "I'm going to take a nap. You know the rules"

"Don't unlock the door and daddy has a key to get in. Can I play upstairs?"

"Yes, but don't run"

Before I know it I'm being woken up by Kelly's voice and touch. I open my eyes and see Kelly smiling at me

"When did you get home?" I yawn

"Just. How long have you been asleep?"

"Not long" I reply glancing at the clock "how was work today?"

"The usual, how was Harper?"

"Giving me hell"

"You made any supper?"

"No not yet" I shake my head

"I'll order us some food instead. What do you fancy?"

"To be honest Kel, I don't feel to good. Think I might be coming down with something. Just order yourself and Harper something"

"You need to eat. Even if it's just some rice or something"

"Ok" I give in to Kelly. 

Once our food has arrived we all sat down together. I take small bites of food and small sips of water

"So Harper. Have you been a good girl for mommy today?" Kelly asks. Harper lowers her head a little

"I wasn't naughty and mommy has been lazy today"

"Mommy said she isn't feeling very well so you need to be a big girl and help her"

"But..."

"No buts. Now eat your food and then it's bath then bed time"

"Fine" Harper pouts and takes her time eating her tea trying to make her bedtime later.

Once the Harper is in bed me and Kelly curl up on the sofa together watching TV. I swallow feeling more and more nauseous until I can't keep it down any more and the urge to throw up over comes me. I jump off the couch and run to the downstairs bathroom, Kelly following behind me.

Once I finish throwing up Kel and I head upstairs to bed

"You feeling any better?" Kelly asks as I change into one of his shirts

"Yeah. The nauseas gone now. Im just super tired. I've had a headache all day so its probably that that's made me sick"

"Maybe your pregnant" Kelly says. I roll my eyes at him

"I'm not pregnant"

"Are you sure because we're not very carful" Kelly states and to be fair he's got a point "you've been tired all week. We said if you were to get pregnant we'd be happy"

"Of course I would be, but had my period 2 weeks ago"

"Could be 2 weeks pregnant"

"Kel I'm not pregnant" I sigh getting into bed

"This is exactly what you were like with Harper"

"If it makes you feel any better I'll take a test tomorrow"

"Ok" Kelly kisses the top of my head and then wraps his arm around my waist and we both fall asleep.

[t1me-v0rt3x]

what the fuck is going on in the Time Monster???

allow me to list (i might miss things)

the doctor having a dream that the master returns

the Brigadier calling him insane

the Brigadier essentially kidnapping benton who was looking forward to two days off to watch some demonstration

the master so happens to be the professor doing the demonstration

the doctor detects the master's time fuckery and goes to follow it

silly sped up footage of bessie going speedy

realising the time fuckery is where the Brigadier and benton is

super aging of stu

time go stop in some area

some medieval guy on a horse with a spear goes to attack captain Yates and his convoy

Yates tells the Brigadier who asks if he's drunk

some guys with cannons suddenly start firing cannon balls at them

Yates again tells the Brigadier

Brigadier then goes to check

is then stopped on the way by the sound of a V1 bomb from 1944

Brigadier tells Yates over radio

Yates doenst hear until too late

bomb explodes

Brigadier calls Captain Yates, Mike over the radio (SPOOKY)

captain Yates is mostly fine considering

upon return time stops in that area again and won't return when machine turned off

the doctor's TARDIS in the master's TARDIS while the master's TARDIS is also in the doctor's TARDIS at the same time

benton points gun at master many times

master runs off with high priest from atlantis in his TARDIS which the doctor's TARDIS is still in

fuckery with machine turns Sargent Benton into a baby

master tries to throw doctor into time vortex

success

the TARDIS being the amazing thing she is finds away to get him back

jo helps

master tries to convince atlantis that he comes from the gods

king doenst believe him

master flirts with queen and wins her favor

doctor shows up and the king likes him

master tries to control Kronos

master is arrested by Queen for killing the king

Kronos is put away

master kidnapps Jo and doctor follows

doctor threatens to kill all three of them

master is right to call his bluff

jo does it

she thinks they are dead

Kronos appears im rainbow area

Kronos helps doctor and jo live then says she's going to torment the master

master casually drops to his knees shouting no then BEGS the doctor to help him

doctor helps him

master essentially goes fuck you and runs off in his TARDIS

BENTON IS STILL A BABY

that's not all since i haven't fully finished yet BUT WHAT THE HELL

[tsurumiau]

GOLDEN KAMUY x MARIO KART 8 DELUXE

a silly little post about what racer they'd choose if they played mario kart 8 deluxe (+ some headcanons)

SUGIMOTO

he'd 100% choose baby luigi . he thinks luigi is MUCH cooler than mario and he chose him as a baby because he thinks he'll go faster if tiny. he also always chooses the jet bike as the vehicle (what can i say it just looks like it goes very fast)

SHIRAISHI

HE WOULD ABSOLUTELY CHOOSE ROY . i mean look at his sunglasses he's clearly the coolest. shiraishi always gets the WORST items and when he finally gets a mushroom he ends up crashing against a wall or falling off the map

ASIRPA

king boo . she LOVES choosing king boo and screaming BOOOOOO SUGIMOTO IM GONNA EAT YOU when she's behind him (she really does it with everyone but sugimoto is the one who gets scared the most because he genuinely thinks king boo can eat other racers). she just loves feeling like a menace and hitting other racers all the time

OGATA

WHAT CAN I SAY they have the same black void eyes and i think ogata relates to him in a very deep way. ogata SUCKS at drifting but he throws bananas, bombs and green shells like a pro (doesn't matter if the other racer is behind or ahead of him)

TANIGAKI

tanooki mario because inkarmat told him tanooki mario reminds her of him. he always ends up being the last one because he absolutely SUCKS at mario kart

INKARMAT

100000% CAT PEACH . she's matching with tanigaki. she always drives extremely well and therefore ends up being one of the last ones with tanigaki (but theyre in the bottom 3 together)

KOITO

BABY PEACH . he thinks peach is an absolute GIRLBOSS and like sugimoto he thinks she'll go faster as a baby. he can NEVER win against ogata because ogata somehow always has shells or bananas or bombs and throws most of them at koito no matter if he's behind or ahead of ogata

TSUKISHIMA

toad . he didn't really know who to choose but koito INSISTED toad reminded him of toad and he thought choosing toad would be better than choosing the random option. he does NOT know what he's doing and tries to avoid the item boxes because he thinks they're obstacles for some reason. he sometimes ends up going THE OPPOSITE way but still manages to be in 11th place (just because tanigaki is worse)

TSURUMI

this man has his own mii (i made a mii just for him btw) . hes the kinda guy that has studied every object in the game and know how they all work and how to use them to win ... not a menace because hes a violent racer but because he just knows how to play

USHIYAMA

HE'S DEFINITELY DAISY . my man ushiyama chooses the prettiest girl and THAT'S DAISY !!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!! i think he's a pretty average mario kart player but sometimes he stops the vehicle because he accidentally pushes the backwards button (his fingers are too big, he thinks someone threw him a mysterious item that somehow stops the vehicle and he doesn't even notice he's the one doing it)

HIJIKATA

he thinks THE GAME gave him the character and he can't change it (he seriously believes he's stuck with mario but no one tells him because they all think he chose mario himself). despite that he's surprisingly good, not because he's a good racer but because he always gets triple red shells and annoys everyone with them

NIKAIDOU

his brother played wario (he will bite ANYONE who tries to pick wario) . he screams WAAAAAAAAHHHHHHH in every jump or gliding part. he goes feral when he gets a superstar and starts hitting all the people he can

KIRORANKE

YOSHI !!!!!!!!!!! ironically he SUCKS at throwing bombs and ends up hitting himself with them (he HATES when they're playing battle mode and it's Bob-omb Blast time). he's VERY bad at first but gets better after playing a few times if you ignore him hitting himself with his own items

WILK

DRY BONES . hes a silly guy and picks the silliest guy !!!! a pretty average player methinks ... definitely laughs at every single person that gets hit with a shell but gets mad when hes the one that gets hit

[themostlesbianever]

ITS THAT TIME AGAIN ALL MY 9-1-1 THOUGHTS IN ONE POST

(i forgot to do this until the tommy started talking about how his ex ran off with someone half her age)

- okay but we knew maddie would want another kid

- i predicted it

- NO WAY TOMMY DO NOT SAY IT

- TOMMY IS NOT ABBYS EX

- NO

- FUCKING

- WAY

- OH MY LORD THEY ACTUALLY DID IT

- bless you

- bless you

- damn

- OH MY LORD THERE GOES HIS INTESTINES

- hihi spilled his guts

- ahw ur shirt is ruined☹️

- hen screentime crumbs😋

- i will eat up every single hen screentime crumb i can get

- (every screentime crumb where she is at peace/happy)

- that is crazy maddie

- HOW MANY MEN SHE TURNED GAY😭😭😭

- hihi josh fishing for tea

- i love josh the gossip magnet

- oh now buck is doubting tommy

- lets not

- oh buck baby

- so i think tommy had a gf just to have one, like because of his surroundings and shit, but its good he broke it off before marriage, he definitely should have before an engagement tho

- also i just KNOW people are gonna throw shit at tommy for this and im not excited

- the dreaded c word care

- "i CARE about good sole support"- hen (i think that was the line)

- JOSH I LOVE YOU

- oh josh babe you are so right

- YES JOSH

- SINGLE HANDEDLY ENDING TOMMY HATRED

- well people are still gonna hate but like, hes so right

- tommy had it so much harder and did things to protect himself he definitely isn't proud of and now it looks bad because a lot of people dont have to do tjose things to protect themselves anymore

- "do you want me to read you a story" oh maddie i love you

- not 9-1-1 but someone is setting off HELLA fireworks and its not even fully dark yet

- i HATE fireworks, yeah theyre pretty but theyre torture for ao many wild animals AND me

- back to 9-1-1

- did it almost kill maddie??

- oh wait yes, not the pregnancy and birth but after

- oops sorry maddie

- hard times for madney😔

- STOP CHIM NO MAKING ME CRY

- uh oh maddie is worrying

- RIPPED TANK TOP EDDIE

- YOURE SO GAY EDDIE

- OMG HOT PASTOR

- FUCK BUDDIE I NEED EDDIE x HOT PASTOR

- "no offence im straight" BOY!!?!????

- no you aint

- yes father but he could be your daddy

- IM SO SORRY I CANT SAY THAT

- oh god therapy time

- yea eddie you dont feel worthy of juice

- very handsome moustache

- OH MY GOD IS EDDIES MOUSTACHE GONNA BURN OFFF??

- PLEASE PUT IT ON FIRE JUST ENOUGH SO IT CANT BE SAVED

- "do" something that makes you feel joy, how about DO a man and make some realisations about yourself babes

- WORM

- would you still love me if i was a worm

- dont be a baby man he is a baby

- jack😔

- "a billion tons" STOP THATS ADORABLE

- eddie you are NOT going down a pipe again

- YES LITTLE MAN

- whats with this season and little hero boys

- they actually put a kid down the pipe omg

- please actually save this kid my lord this is stressful

- GET HIM

- YOU CAN DO IT MILES

- WORM

- WE ARE WORMS

- BE A WORM

- HELL YEAH

- chim is 100% telling maddie he wants another kid now

- hen you are adorable oh my lord

- tommy ur so adorable

- uh oh

- UH OH

- this has got to be the hurdle

- HES THE HIMBO

- that is SO crazy

- look at them being all open and having a cute little talk

- UNTIL NOW

- IS THIS AN I LOVE YOU MOMENT??????

- ahw tommy

- WOAH

- HELLO MOVE IN YES

- MORE GAY

- oh youre doing to much buck

- so sweet

- OH

- TOMMY STOP WHAT

- it is new

- tommy youre very right actually you are his first

- tommy is actually so right because buck is moving too fast

- buck isnt ready himself like he figured out he was bi like a week ago (not literally)

- WHAT NO YOU DIDNT

- god damn it the bucktommy haters got what they wanted

- fuck off so many buddie fans are gonna be so miserable and annoying

- OH HE CALLED HIM BUCK

- i hope we get to see more tommy

- like he comes back sometimes for a rescue or for advice for chimney or something

- WOAH CHIM NO TALKING ABOUT DEATH OVER HERE

- maddies eyebrows are so expressive i love it

- OMG WE KNEW THIS

- PERGANT

- BOMB

- ahw cuties

- OMG MIRROR SCENE

- they gave us literally like everything weve been talking about

- oh eddie what are you doing

- PLEASE MAKE CHRIS COME HOME AND WALK IN ON THIS

- wait no that would mean more trauma

- this man is CRAZY

- someone has a GOT to walk in on this no?

- oh maybe buck being all sad like "my hot boyfriend broke up with me☹️"

- i really hope IF they make buddie happen they dont do it yet, maybe next season because its too soon for both of them to be dating

- no walking in but there is someone there

- eddie put on some pants man

- it is sad buck

- ☹️

- i am not excited for all those insufferable buddie fans/ bucktommy haters to come and hate on tommy for every single line he said

[leclerced]

landoscar x reader with endometriosis

she wakes up crhing with cramps so bad she can’t breathe or move and they immediately wake up because they can feel her whining and trying to get comfortable (moving is only making it worse) and they start freaking out and she feels like she is gonna scream and they just wanna help and take care of her so lando holds her and let’s her scream if she needs to and rests a hand right on that little spot above her uterus like a heating pad and oscar goes to get her medicine and food and a real heating pad (he is genuinely surprised their flat doesn’t have one considering 2 of them are professional athletes and 1 is a woman)

(if you could answer this asap because im currently frozen in bed with endo cramps and i had to call my mom so she can come to my place and get medicine out of my cabinets since i can’t walk)

-🪼🪼🪼

jelly baby im so sorry )): wish i could come to ur aide my dear

lando would give the best tummy rubs and be so gentle. he’s definitely the warm bf so his hands feel amazing and he’d probably talk to distract her, or pepper kisses all over her face and tell her he’s sorry she’s in pain. she’d muffle the screams into his chest and he wants to cry bc no one should ever be in that much pain, much less his darling girl. very relieved when oscar finally gets back and is like, “oh thank god you’re back. what took so long ??? give me the things now.” and they’re rushing to unpack a heating pad and give her meds and water to take them with.

oscar would def pour beans or rice into a sock and microwave it so she has something to help while he runs to the store!! it’s a trick he learned from his mom growing up. he buys like six heating pads because they have so many different ones in different sizes, and they’ll get used so he doesn’t feel bad about overconsumption. gets so so many snacks in case she has any cravings and lots of hydrating drinks. gets a few pairs of fluffy socks and a new fluffy throw. buys like four different pain meds bc he doesn’t know which is the strongest and goes down the bath aisle and buys bath bombs and epsom salts because a hot bath might help too, if they’re able to get her to the bathroom without causing her too much pain.

[oro-junestar]

terrible side order themed pickup lines part 2:

-baby u can climb my spire of order

-u make my heart beat at like 888 BPM

-heheh baby u can come to my vending machine and buy my burst bombs if u know what im sayin

-i'll be there by your side in times of don't use your main weapon and in times of lights out

-i'll give u a good time better than when a horde of swarming languendoes is coming up the ramp and you deploy your roller and run them all over and they drop all 3 of the disc pieces giving you enough time to beat the floor before any more jelletons spawn

-baby ur the key to my locker

-(with rizz) Defeat the fleeing foes!

-are u Marina? cause u know how to hack ur way into my heart :)

-are u Acht? cause u got me feeling sanitized :)

-are u Pearl? cause i wanna turn into a cute little drone that helps me complete puzzles and throws splat bombs every now and then :)

-are u Eight? cause DAMN

-girl u make my head spin like a whirling accelerando

-have u played side order (if they say no then you have the right to slam the table in frustration and get up and leave)

[sirwow]

Please give us a big page of enemies you are making or made please, you can take a s long as you'd like, I would just like to see more enemies. They're one of my favourite parts of the Pikmin series

-Dweevil Anon

(I'd also like an explanation on the mechanics of the Glow Dweevil if possible)

Well im a bit slow on the enemy side but heres all the ones iv made so far that i can remember

Normal Enemies

Bosses

Now then ill do you one better on describing just the glow dweevil, Ill do all of them! Splatter Leaf - Lives in water and is neutralish to pikmin, carries things across the water but too much weight will cause it to sink and try to drown its prey. Gloomshrom - Puffshroom but gloom, lower hp but faster then the other two. Crylwie (pronounced crawly) - Burns pikmin by shining light through its crystal back. Can only be killed by Rock pikmin and bomb rocks. Strike Bulborb - Small but fast. Its eyes can pop up much higher to see any pikmin or captains hiding. Stalkmin - Eats Strike Bulborbs and Captains. Doesnt attack other pikmin unless directly attacked by them. Egfrid - Moss but smaller and way more annoying, wont steal pikmin but will throw them around like a toy if it sees them. Orblets - Pretty useless, baby forms of the Man-at-Legs, Baldy long legs and Groovy long legs. Wobble around and stick in groups to try and swarm food to force it to stay still. Spotlight - A glowmin purely made to shine light in the dark and spy. Alerts other glowmin and enemies to a captain's location if they spot them (these are WC pt 2 only) Glow Dweevil - aka Gloom Dweevil. Attacking it when it has no object on its head is a terrible idea as the goo on top will kill pikmin near instantly. Doesn't really try to shake pikmin off if it does have an object on its head as half its brain is kinda melted. Leafling Yorke and Glow President - Enemy Captains that show up repeatedly, pretty self explanatory. Glass Wraith - Fluid thanks to being mostly molten, It will burn and suffocate pikmin. Despite this, generally tries to run away from any danger. It just wants to work on its garden in peace. Ashen Wraith - The exact opposite of Glass. Will chase down Captains relentlessly and anything in its wake will sink into its ash skin, being absorbed. Back core can be dug out to stop it for a time. Dweevil of Madness - Louie possessed by the Mother Wraith. Using his memories it pulls the most nightmarish one (Titan Dweevil) and recreates it with a few goopy changes. Only way to stop it is to pull Louie out. Mother Wraith Heart/Core - The center of the MW that causes intense delusions and mimics harsh events that have happened to the afflicted. Can't really fight on its own merits without any host to draw mind from. Spotlight Snagret - A mix of a peacock and a cobra. Shines the bright lights of Treasure Tunnel off of its colorful feathers and makes pikmin that don't correspond with the current color freeze up. Can also strike fear with mimicry. Tsunami Wraith - Water Wraith but. BIG. Smashes into the floor with its now tiny pillars and rushes at creatures in a literal wave. The only Water Wraith with a core. Harbinger - Its Harbinger. I can't really explain him without 3 paragraphs

phew and thats all of em. Apologies for being so long winded but thank you for the ask

[back-alley-goatboy]

Well, as its Ghosts season 5 eve, I think its about time I give my final theories to how The captain and Kitty die.

Idk if promo pics count as spoilers, but they are below the cut

Starting with Kitty. Honestly, I think its going to be either food poisoning or an allergic reaction from the pineapple, but it will be spurred on by Eleanor.

I mean, look how much fun Kitty is having, she's laughing with everyone, and Eleanor looks so damn salty and jealous.

I mean, we know she isn't above trying to make Kitty sick (the warm oysters), plus we have seen kitty throw up as a ghost. I imagine the party would eat the pineapple, it begins to make Kitty ill and Eleanor would notice and would make a game of it. Something along the lines of "oh its horrid, lets see who can eat the most", expecting her to throw up and embarrass herself, not die.

Im leaning more towards food poisoning because chances are that pineapple would be rotten as hell by the time it reaches the Uk in the georgian era via boat.

Above all, I want to see kitty realise that Eleanor was a bitch and start unpacking that trauma. Bonus points for genuine kitmas bonding over the fact their familes are terrible.

Second of all, The Captain. Whoo boy I have feelings about this one, its a much less solid theory but it makes sense.

We all know the beloved cracked mirror in the intro but it got me thinking, what if its a metaphor for a broken image?

We all know Cap is big on appearances, but in the promo pics we see him looking like hes getting grilled by the general (wiki told me the red bits mean general, dont quote me though, also, stick my beloved).

Ever since Redinng weddy, I have wondered if Cap was ordered to bury the bomb. I doubt it considering its active explosives in someones back garden so I came to the conclusion that the "letter/operation william plans" were actually letters and Cap buried them with the bomb to keep them safe. But then, a suposedly important Government secret operation goes walkies? Thats a situation right there.

What if, after getting his medals, the general complains that he isnt worthy of them/is a spy or german ect (some Havers is a spy theory here, I dont love it but it would make some sense in this context) and it kind of adds up too much, so the other soldiers try and get rid of him. If a fight was to break out it would explain why he has the stick, he grabbed it out the general's hand trying to defend himself. Similarly, the draw opening in the intro could be someone grabbing a stashed away gun, causing panic (maybe cap finally got his service revolver). We also know a man was murdered in the library (said by Robin in the little promo film), I can only imagine it was teased because it was relevant.

Obviously this is a less solid theory but it would explain the weird expressions in the promo pics and tbh Im biased towards the Cap was murdered theory. Hypothetically, it could also be why he only wants to be known as The Captain, if the General tried to revoke his title after he got his medals.

Also Lord Brigadier Sir Anthony Bartholemew Raisinby Jones mayhaps?

I mean regardless of what happens,they are my babies and im going to go feral. I guess we just have to wait and see.

[canadian-pug-cartel]

tosses the ticking time bomb on your end, ok electro for the ask thing, or uh shocker

FUCK (will wood reference) <- so excited actually

How I feel about this character: the amount of emotions I have for this guy are so visceral it hurts me genuinely like the way this guy acts and behaves is so…. he has that tboy swag, punk flair, with a hit of identity issues?? delicious he’s just like me fr

All the people I ship this character with romantically: we all know im a Electroshocker fan first and foremost (volt when I catch you volt) the pinning these two have for each other is so crazy to me (shocker is so head over heels it’s INSANE genuinely he’s obsessed with THIS GUY?????) shocker genuinely being so sick in love with this guy he’s drowning <- crazy. Another ship I actually enjoy (but especially when shocker is still pinning rubbing it in his face unknowingly) electro and Eddie (and by extension venom) just love the idea of Eddie falling for this neurotic punk (ESPECIALLY after electro runs away from doc and hates them cause we all know that’s coming)

Non romantic OTP I have for this character: sandman and rhino even though most of the six treat him like absolute trash (looking at you doc, vulture, that lion guy I forgor his name) but they wouldn’t treat him so terribly sure they have their grievances with him (being made of electricity and unable to chose who he shocks at any given time kinda does that) but both rhino and sandman are street smart enough and connected enough to know his type, the guy just looking to fit in and find community and them genuinely finding him funny is a plus (I will go more into that I swear)

My unpopular opinion about this character: he is genuinely unwell (and this is a problem with all characters who act irrational or have mood swings (looking at you jervis)) him getting woobafyed and babied by so many fans making him an uwu twink is completely glossing over the most interesting part of his character his actual genuine emotions and mental state are often sidelined even writing off his flaws (his temper, the fact he’s a jerk, his mental and emotional instability) I could get so fired up about the infantilization of neurodivergent or mentally ill characters and electro is a great example of this

Things I wish would happen to this character: EVERYTHING NEED HIM AT HIS LIMIT WITH DOC i especially need him to break away from doc and show some of that resentment and hatred toward him doc using him as a stepping stone and using him as a means to an end is just a ticking time bomb need to watch him go off on doc and throw him across the room the vengeance and the need for his life back need to watch him lose himself and slip into insanity (preferably at the same time that he goes off on doc) need hayloft part 2 to play as he slowly approaches doc cold hatred in his eyes and the fear in doc, god the fear he has for electro when he’s not annoyed by him he’s scared of what he can do all that energy and pent up emotion targeted onto him? Terrified. Need that so bad

[silentsockfeet]

tlou hbo s1 ep2 thoughts (w/ spoilers)

the opener for this ep was honestly scarier than the first imo, seeing the woman inspect the dead body and find all the signs of infected were SO creepy, and then the slow dawning of fear in her throughout the scene, the quickness with which she both proposed bombing the city and accepted her death. such a good building of suspense throughout

and then also the way her bomb suggestion was a lead into the later conversation with joel tess and ellie about how the cities were bombed. i love that we don’t actually know if jakarta was bombed or not, the idea that everyone came to the same conclusion without following from example is even more harrowing of a reality

ellie all curled up in the grass comfy and asleep i would kill for her i would die for her i want to hold her in my hands and protect her from the world

“fine i’ll just throw a fuckin sandwich at them” I LOVE THIS GODDAMN KID

joel and ellie’s back and forth throughout the ep is so fun i think it does such a good job of setting up their chemistry without getting them to connect to early

the little giraffe toy in the weeds :’(((

tess basically immediately adopting ellie im obsessed. i love that we get to see a bit more of their dynamic than the game bc it really highlights that tess is a good person at heart even if she says otherwise. she connects with ellie quickly, and the way her empathy and hope slowly starts shining through as the ep progresses (and even as she begins to accept her fate) really says so much about her character

“there’s no boyfriend that’ll come after you?” “…..no.”

the foreshadowing of ellie guessing at the infected types is awesome, i love the fact that she technically got them both right. related but i wonder how they’re gonna do infected types like the shamblers if spores aren’t gonna be a thing

that little frog vibin on the piano what a talented little guy

THE HOTEL SCENE IS TOO EARLY i wonder if they’re gonna have a hotel basement scene now?? probably not which kinda makes sense, it’s a scene better played than watched. but it would’ve been cool to see how they did it

love the expansion of the fungus lore, the interconnected-ness of the tendrils is so cool and so goddamn creepy

the entire clicker sequence was SO GODDAMN GOOD. the way tess and joel don’t tell ellie (or the audience) anything about what’s going on really forces us to put ourselves in ellie’s shoes so that we’re as terrified as her. and the fact that there doesn’t need to be a word of dialogue said to get us to figure out how the clickers work is so goddamn impressive, a shining example of ‘show don’t tell’ i think

am sad that no bricks or bottles were thrown tho

the rooftop scene. i could cry with how faithful this show is

the change in dialogue at the capital building,, “i never asked you for anything… not to feel the way i felt…” i am in so much pain.

on that note it’s scenes like these that really make me love this show bc there really is something for everyone. connecting back to the infected lore from earlier was so fucking cool and felt like such a natural change and the changes to tess’s dialogue make the scene so fresh and still impactful for people that already know the game

i love the specific line “save who you can save” because i feel like it does the perfect job of emphasizing how much tess buys into the cure while also setting the stage for joel’s decision down the road. like at the end of the game, joel really does save who he can save, it just isn’t in the way tess intended. it’s a way for him to still hear her words and connect with them but also have the intention twisted

okay bear with me but i actually liked the inclusion of the cordyceps kiss, it takes something that is so normal and even beautiful to us but then perverts it like that’s textbook horror baby!

general overview: how in the hell was this ep even better than the first

[dowsedwithbleach]

forever and a day

ruby soho x reader

psa::: this is my first fic so please take it easy on me!

Sweat trickled down my face. “God i’m so nervous” i thought to myself. my head was running at a million miles a minute. “is she okay? did she change her mind? oh god, was my mother right about me?” my mind wouldn’t slow down. suddenly a hand was placed on my shoulder. “calm down, everything is gonna be just fine y/n” my best friend whispered in my ear. i breathed out. before i could respond, her music hit. not her typical rancid them, oh no. this was a different kind of day. this song was the song i fell in love with her to. this was the song that played in my truck the night she kissed me for the first time. memories filled my mind of everything we have been through. Sarah guided Cash down the isles, he was our ring bearer. not for behind him was my niece throwing flowers. and as soon as everyone was in place. here she came. in that beautiful white dress that fit her perfectly. god she’s beautiful. the tears start to trickle from my eyes. i try to fight them but i know i cannot. all the memories of us flashing though my mind. god, i can’t believe im marrying her. once she gets to the end of the isle her father places her hand in mine. “you take care of my little girl. okay?” he said to me. “ you know i sure will” i told him. he walked off and she turned to look at me. “oh baby, don’t cry my love!” she said as she wiped my tears. i grinned as my cheeks heated up. “you just look so beautiful” i whispered as she wiped my cheeks with her surprisingly soft hands. as our song came to an end. we turned to listen to the reverend. after a long string of words and agreements that could never fully express the love i held in my heart for her. we were officially woman and wife, and i kissed the love of my life. then her song hit, yes her wrestling theme. because it was more than just an intro to her. plus it made a bomb ass walk out song. i picked her up bridal style and i ran out that room. once those barn doors closed behind us. i sat her in her two feet. i looked her in the eyes as she looked in mine. “i love you dori. i love you as long as the sun burns bright. hell, i’ll love you forever and a day.” i said to her. tears streaming down both our faces. the look in her truly sincere eyes told me everything. i kissed her. and i began to ponder our future. damn, im excited for this forever.

[artificiallymade]

sleepless 66

thunderstruck, nightmare at 4 o clock.saying 100k im gonna die, gonna be dead, sonna go. oft the earch, world Bonna go without me. someone gonna fil1 the space - filled, someone 1s gonna dance on the floor i used to rock n roll to. rock n roll slow to. someone wil1 f11l my slot, put the l under my dot, get off on my rocks, gotta take a leak gotta take a shit, no 1 cant get up l got a cramp and god its hot after a rainstorm when you wake alone at 4 an then its 4110, you know when, pacing linoleum, when the tiles on the floor f111 you with anxlety, gotta pee pee, gotta pretend In speeding like highway 61, motoreycle sunglass, mexican whorelass, corre aereD my darling. coldeye dleat boot. now look how well im hung dung, watch me snort a crystal ball, ooga mooga mirror loeskate, me surrealist beatniki

I sport my shades/ 1 dig bob dylan/ I like food/ thats not to filling/ the bible/ is too heavy for me.

end of theme song im heading for a fall. Im a fall guy im a fall gown, im a fallen arm im a fallen elm. timber ta yoga. little brown boys chant chant: baby your so beautiful but you got to die someday, oh no le it really possible rainstorm? am I really gonna die. everything rades/ evaporates like genii, already the first word thunderstruck is gone, dead, how can

- keep WORDS moving inuect Quickl ill record everything. its dark no im wrong its dawn i have my shades on. its cool its ok theyre prescription, keep the light dart lame arrow out. so i can get the moment get the movement spread it all out full house mayonaise, record player on. dylan sings queen jane. the words a bandana and complain, oops record skips. good i heard that song enough keep moving, was that a throw of the dicet no baby its sugar teeth crumbling, spit them out everyone of them, got a controll headache just keep on pushing ecedrin. jumpy bean queen see me slug another quart of coffee, blood

like chicary, oh dont turn away honey. a bud is not a false flower. ya gotta give it time time, gotta beat time, gotta kiss cowardice, oh corrections howard ice, hes the real cream bomb in my life, ice is nice and hes cold exposed crystal pill pill, beter to slip that speed in better to keep time within. better to record the speech of phantoms. jim morrison, our leather lamb, how we, betrayed him, turned our back on him. this is the end our beautiful friend. no wait I had a dream Mr. King. jim morrison is alive and racing wich time. he who hesitates le fates, he site erect. typing tran ; latinga his final stolen sensations into Language, Into the

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