#hate at me I'll probably not notice

[applestorms]

L can be such a possessive character at times. he always strikes me as the type of person who is deeply aware of everything that he owns, both in a more literal sense and metaphorically-- like, he knows what money he has and how to use it, what resources are readily available to him and what he has to be sneakier to utilize, the habits and tendencies and emotional states of individuals and world governments both. the DN musical really puts an emphasis on the more computer-y aspects of how his brain functions, which isn't as obvious in the manga/anime but i think still works well as a way to follow his thinking. it's kinda what near does too: everything is a factor to them, every tiny detail a new opening to optimize for the best results, every person and location and object a part of a puzzle waiting to be solved. and as a part of that, L is deeply aware of every and any little thing he may or may not have control over, and exactly to what degree.

his habit of stealing titles as depicted in the LABB murders novel is such a good example of this. ryuzaki, eraldo coil, deneuve. he eats people alive and then takes their names for himself like some kind of fucked up fae or trickster god, creating new masks and personas to hide behind from the remains of the people he's devoured. i have to wonder if he would've used the title of KIRA for himself had he won-- i can hardly imagine what kind of power such a title could hold if held in his hands. of course, he could've just used the defeat of KIRA as a way to build up the L title even further, offering up the body of a dead god like perseus showing off the head of medusa. but L is so emotionally attached to the kira case, i struggle to see him allowing it to fade from existence so thoroughly as near does, even if it is only kept close on a private level...

this is part of why i think it genuinely makes a lot of sense that L's ultimate win state would include capturing light to some degree. even if the memory of KIRA somehow manages to fully disappear from the public consciousness, there is no fucking way L is letting light yagami out of his grasp. honestly, the moment that L truly loses this game is not when he starts investigating misa while still under rem's watch, not when light gets back his memories, not even when he dies, but the moment when he allows light to be freed from the handcuffs. the moment when he allows the other members of the task force to turn off the cameras and keep him from watching light and misa talk in the lobby. the moment when he gives up, lets light yagami go outside of L's personal sphere of control, is the moment when L starts the clock ticking down to the end of his own life.

this is one of the key ways in which i see light as a true equal and parallel to L, as after L's death he, intentionally or no, continues the same tradition and takes L's title for himself, twisting the two sides together into the L-KIRA amalgamation. only, the L title functions a little bit differently than every other persona or title that we see in the series-- because L's true name is L. that's all that he is. on a literal, legal, and emotional level, i don't think that L is anything more than L. he is the world's greatest detective, he's an incredible, weirdo super genius, but he does not afford himself much more than that, barely allows himself personhood or humanity outside of his work. light was the one to ultimately defeat L because he did not just put a stain on his character (as BB attempted), did not just kill him, but stole his very identity and took it for himself.

one of the biggest contradictions of L's character that i think you must accept should you attempt to portray him accurately is that he is both deeply detached from humanity while also having all of his work and effort and life be focused around saving it. it's one of the ways in which he is an exact opposite to light-- where light relies on humanity for external validation, to be Seen, while also looking down on it as dumb and immoral and spineless, L is so separated from it that he barely exists as a person, all the while dedicating almost every action he takes to helping it. remember: for all the emotional turmoil that wammy's house and the legacy of L may put on the kids living there, ultimately it's entire existence is nothing more than L's logical solution to his potential demise. if he dies, the world goes down with him, all of the cases that are yet to happen and he is yet to solve being left in the air. he has the foresight to set up a fail safe, but not to consider the emotional implications of what being that fail safe might feel like, how high the price of your own humanity is if you are not already alienated from it, the inability to have your own name on your gravestone-- though perhaps some of the blame also falls on watari's shoulders in this case, philanthropic old bastard that he is.

imo, playing his game really got it right in presenting L and light as one and the same, synonyms on either side of the mirror. in every action they take they are both so selfishly selfless, playing the game for themselves and their own pleasure but plastering the needs and will of humanity on top of it. L isn't invested in saving humanity for the sake of humanity-- he just likes the thrill of having the stakes raised so high. hard to shit on ryuk for wanting entertainment when the humans he finds are just the same as him.

[imjustavenuxwithaboomerang]

they can never make me hate you

(collage by me)

[cherriegyuu]

so, hi!

i just wanted to say that starting this sunday i'll be blocking all empty blogs. if you don't have a icon, header and at least a couple posts on your blog you'll be soft blocked.

though my fics have a high number of notes, recently i felt like i've been writing into the void. and when that happens i always get the feeling that what i write is not even worth a comment. i'd much rather have a smaller number of notes if it means i'll have more interaction with those who read

i've asked, i begged, and nothing seems to work. this is my last try at this thing

[whoa-where-did-the-pancakes-go]

I'd love to interact with the ethel cain fandom on here a little more but im lowkey kind of worried about my reception from certain groups of people bc im like. a guy.

[replacement-pasta]

Was tweaking so I threw Cell into the perfect computer dimension.

[novelconcepts]

i don't make resolutions, but if i did

it would be to finish this fic

(and to be kind to myself for however long it takes to actually do so)

[parme-san]

i wonder how much it would be to commision a dakimakura

[allthoseotherworlds]

Me: oh no why am i coughing so much today

*flashback to last night where I screamed at length into a pillow because I dropped a stitch in my lace project and had to figure out how to pick up a k1s1psso below a purl stitch*

Oops

[ladyhavilliard]

finding out i was aroace came in the exactly right time, because I am currently living what my early teen self always wanted to experience as the beginning of a love story, except now I will not convince myself that I'm having a crush just because it would make a nice story.

[etherical-angel]

oh yea in 3 days its gonna be my 1 month anniversary of being in japan???? it literally has barely felt like a weak wtf(<- going thru the horrors)

[yousaytomato]

Trying my hardest not to be anxious and sad about things that have already happened and that I can't do anything about now. But How

[unproduciblesmackdown]

speaking of, was remembering like i think i heard parts of defying gravity in the wild ever but i know popular & uhh. loathing from someone's showtunes playlist & then it's like oh yeah i know Of that one finale duet b/c i knew you i have been changed for good b/c they & a third party who were besties would be like okay if either of us die the other one will sing just one of those parts at their funeral & i'm like when you guys have hourlong conversations in here with me 7 ft away not included i sometimes have a contribution & say it during a long organic pause & nobody responds b/c you filtered me out....in parallel / affinity with being queer (& also not knowing that at the time, half a lifetime so far ago) where it's like okay i don't even want to get in on what you've got going on right now or be involved with that ever but it makes it quite Apparent i'm on a different & lower tier here

[softgothbabe]

.

[james-stark-the-writer]

word count limits are the devil's work. started out 3 hours ago trying to edit a short story draft to cut 400 words somewhere to get it under the limit, 3 hours of edits later, ended up rewriting a bunch of it and somehow adding 100 words. the final draft is like at least five times as strong as it was before because of the rewrites and new stuff but. i have to somehow now cut 500 words from a great draft that is already cut as much as it can be, and cutting anything else will tear away essential parts of the story and the tone and themes and i hate it.

[radellama]

Picky but.. when watching a docco/docco style video, while it can be interesting to hear about how you ended up in contact with certain relevant people, or how there were plans to contact people that fell through, or that you couldn't get in contact with them... I hate when the filmmaker harps on and on about their 'investigative' process and try to dramatise it.

Sorry but. I don't really want a 15-20+ min detour of you lamenting over trying to get in contact with certain people when all that's happened is you sent an email and didn't get a reply.

[stupid-elf]

To be totally clear, I'm cis. I do not have a trans perspective (aside from fully 40+% of my friend group being trans. Idk how this happened).

However, I am very neurodivergent and don't have an intuitive understanding of fashion, so I very deliberately went about sussing out the rules. This is helpful when people ask questions like this. I'm no fashion student, but every fashion student I've met annoyed the fuck out of me.

Anyway. Point is. Any aesthetic can pass (short of, like, Clearly Femme Aesthetics). Punk, emo, for lack of a better term Hallmark Primary Love Interest, academia, softcore, goth, Greek life, generic, perpetual office casual, wizard.

I don't know their real names in the fashion world. I just know how people wear them.

Also. There is always a danger of being coded as butch. Idk how to escape it. Hell, I'm literally cis amab and have been mistaken for a butch lesbian back when I had long hair. The most passing way to respond to that is to laugh like it's a funny mistake nobody who actually knows you would make (like guys with BDE hearing a small dick joke)

Anyway here's the tips and tricks that come to mind

Avoid visibly afab things (duh, but it needs to be said). The inventor of hoodies was a fucking genius. Now we just need to bring back the cloak.

So fucking much of passing is vocal. A close friend who would need a fucking industrial vice to hide his chest passes 100% of the time because T made him sound like Optimus Prime. I have a stupidly wide natural vocal register, it's basically whatever pitch I last tried to match/approximating the last voice I heard (neurodivergent). When my voice is high I, again cis amab, get mistaken for a woman. There's tons of handy voice training tricks for this. I know several simple ones if you'd like, but this reblog is long asf already and there's professional tutorials out there

All the fashion modes have a way that gender exists within them. It's usually about where their signature features are clustered. Spikes, lace, flannel, yk? Guys tend to accentuate shoulders and knees, gals tend to accentuate wrists, mid-arms, and torso. Some fashions are built around challenging that so there's a level of caution necessary there.

Honestly learn from women-coded men and men-coded women. What are they doing? Facial expressions, body language, and vocal qualities, mostly. Short of wearing a dress clothing is pretty androgynous on its own these days. Collars are still pretty masc coded. Love me a good flannel with a collar.

Oh, this one's sneaky and just occurred to me. Look like you shop in the men's section. Men's clothing tends to be better constructed. Thicker fabrics, longer-lasting/heavier-duty seams. It should look like it makes a noise when you drop it on a table. There's a cost component here though :/

Fuck it we ball, I hope something in here helps. Take what you like, leave the rest. Cheers brother 🍻

obviously most of you lot have never seen my face (nor will u) so im taking any responses w a grain of salt.

but how the Fuck do i dress as a trans guy whos 5'2 bc i can pass (if i dress like a fratboy) but i dont love dressing like a fratboy. how do i do it. passing is of key importance. gosh. i hate it here