#hate all you want but i can’t afford therapy so this is all i got

[jasontoddscigarette]

Scars and Kisses 💗

(Posting this because I got locked out of A03… It’s OC x canon sorry hoes I’m not sharing Jason) (I’m kidding)

Rating: PG

Trigger Warnings: Scars potentially??? N/A

Jason shook his semi-aired dried hair as he walked into the living room sporting his normal home lounge-wear of gray sweatpants and shirtless, never really bothering to dirty the few shirts he had if he was home, there was no point in his eyes. His attention was caught by his girlfriend, Bianca as she sat on the couch flipping through one of her magazines filled with images of the newest red-bottoms and glistening dresses. Her head rested against the arm of the couch, the magazine held up in front of her face her arms slightly up in the air.

He grinned as he walked over to her, crawling on the couch to move over-top of her, “Hey there.” He teased playfully. She let out a giggle as Jason dorkily looked down at her, “Jasonnnn” She dragged his name out in amusement at his sudden appearance, dropping her magazine to the floor, suddenly much more interested in her boyfriend. “What are you doing?”

“Coming to see you.” He gave a small smirk before leaning in to kiss Bianca gently, his hands moving to her hips, holding her close. She smiled against his lips as he kissed her, her hands resting on either side of his neck, loving the gentleness of his kisses, never wanting them to end.

His hands slid up her sides, finding her waist, pulling her closer, feeling her soft curves beneath his fingertips, each one of them feeling like they were made for no one’s hands but his own. He loved to just kiss her, no other motive for it. Just feeling her against him, taking in the way her full lips felt against his. Jason never got sick of the feel of her as she fit perfectly into his hands, loving every inch of her irrevocably.

Bianca pulled back from the kiss, looking up at Jason tenderly, admiring his features for a few moments. Bringing her hand up to brush the soft white streak that stood against his tousled-raven hair from his face.

Jason watched her tenderly, his eyes softening as he leaned into her loving touch, closing his eyes briefly. The way she was so gentle with him gave him a feeling he could never quite describe. Her fingers traced his face, brushing softly as she had so many times before. Stopping to rest her hand on his cheek. Loving when he hovered over her, his hands by her head, it was a view she never got sick of.. his face being the only thing that could ever make her heart race.

The only thing she could ever love this way.

Jason's eyes opened, looking down into hers, his lips parting slightly as he leaned in to capture her lips with his own, his hands slipping into her hair.

Bianca’s hand stayed in place on his face as she kissed him back, a slow softness to it. Jason pulled back, looking at her. “Fuck.. I love you so much, dove..” He murmured. Pressing a kiss to B’s forehead before making a line down the bridge of her nose back to her lips. “My pretty girl..” He spoke against them, not wanting to pull away

Her nose brushed over his, dark hued green eyes staring up at him adoringly, a look of innocent love, simply the look of a girl whose heart belonged to someone. “I love you too..”

Jason smiled, kissing her again, this time with more passion against her lips before nipping at them softly.

Bianca’s breath hitched softly as he nipped her bottom lip. Her hands grabbing at his biceps, her fingernails dug in tenderly, soft enough to not hurt him. Deepening the kiss from its soft pace involuntarily.

Jason chuckled softly “It’s a day of impatience with you, dove.” He teased at her forwardness, amused. He adjusted his arms to keep him hovered above her, muscles flexing just slightly in tandem with the shift of his weight, his skin traced with scars and marks catching her eyes as he did so.

Bianca’s stare raked down him looking at his scars from over the years, she knew all of them by now and adored them.

It was just more special things that made him her Jay..

He kept his hands back to either side of her head, her sweet gazes at his self-decided imperfections.. he internally finding a relief in her love of them, things he wanted to ignore existed on his skin. She didn’t.. she loved them. “You are the best thing that’s ever happened to me..” He whispered, leaning in to kiss her softly. He was sure many people said that, that maybe it was cliche .. but he meant it. She was, there was nothing in life that had been gifted to him that ever outweighed over her.

Bianca looked up at him as their kiss broke off. “You are for me too, Jay..” It was an honest answer. B wasn’t sure what she would’ve done to herself.. to others … if he hadn’t saved her. Shown her she was worth more than what she was putting herself through. She looked at his chest where his autopsy scarring was, gently tracing it with her fingertip. She was entranced with his scars, all of them, it was so unique to him and him alone.. only her love had it.

His gaze followed her movements as she trailed over his scars, a faint blush rising to his cheeks. His chest heaved as he took in a deep breath, swallowing hard. “I’m not sure how I could’ve lived without you..” Jason wasn’t always the most emotionally intelligent person.. but Hell, he needed her to know. He needed her to know that without her? He would have nothing keeping him stable.

Bianca’s hand flattened on the center of his chest, feeling his heart thumping against her palm. “I was barely living without you.” She chuckled bashfully, trying to brush off the fact she had said that. She held all her emotions bottled up, locked away.. so deep within her soul sometimes she worried she herself wouldn’t find them again.. But, goddamnit somehow Jason Todd found them without even trying.

He restored something in her that she thought had perished and burnt out years ago.. Like the dead being brought to life, feeling the sun on their face for the first time since their breaths had been snubbed out.

Jason smiled lop-sidedly, taking her hand in his, pressing kisses to her fingertips. “Well then, I’m glad we found each other. Because I don’t think I could ever let you go now.” He playfully retorted, meaning it. He couldn’t ever imagine spending his days with anyone else .. This was all he wanted, he wanted her to be his last love, the one he’d be beside until finals days, all to find each other in the after-life in their eternity.

B gazed up at him as he kissed her fingertips with a softness. “Please don’t..” She didn’t ever want him to let her go. Just the thought alone of being without him could choke her up. She couldn’t imagine even breathing right again if he left her life. She didn’t care if they made it to goddamn ninety-nine years old.. even more.. who ever knew when they’d be put to rest, but she knew for certain.. She never wanted to be without him.

She couldn’t be his Dove if he wasn’t her Jaybird..

Jason smiled, holding her gaze for a moment before leaning in to kiss Bianca deeply, his hands framing her face "Never, princess. As long as I live, you're mine." She was his beautiful lady.. No one would ever belong to him as she did nor did he want anyone else to. She was his .. and he was hers.

Bianca’s eyebrows furrowed slightly, emotion rising in her throat “God, please kiss me.” She breathed shamelessly. Just wanting to feel his lips on hers, the way they felt against each other was perfect, like that final puzzle piece .. It set her heart alight and gave her a gumption for life like nothing else could.

“Whatever you want, my dove.” Jason grinned and leaned in, his lips falling against hers in a deep kiss that sent shivers down her spine in the best way possible. He pulled away for a moment, his eyes locking with hers. "You're mine, Bianca Rossi. And I'll never let you go." He reiterated making sure she knew it, took it in, and never forgot it. To never once need to second guess his devotion to her..

“I’m yours.” She repeated back. She loved belonging to someone. Knowing there was someone to come home to, to protect her, to love her, to hold her, it was feeling like no other. She knew she could live a million lifetimes of goodness, of selflessness and still never do enough to deserve Jason..

Jason felt a unbreakable love for her within his veins every time he saw her, thought of her, felt her. He had never had something to call his own, to love like this.. that loved him just as much back. His hands roamed down B’s back, pulling her closer, his lips leaving a trail of soft kisses along her jawline.

Wanting nothing else but his dove for the rest of his days.

[alwaysurvalentine]

Chicago Calls

Written for Day 29 of @steddieangstyaugust - prompt: Future - wc: 1.3k - cw: nothing!

enjoy! 💛

“What do you think the future holds?” 

It’s quiet at the quarry, stars glittering in the dark sky. 

“Don’t you know? I’m gonna be a big rock star!” Eddie splays his hands out towards the sky with a grin. Like always, he’s got a glow about him. He can’t help but light up a room just by showing up. Steve would point this out but he’s worried Eddie would read how endeared he is to the older boy. Instead he just basks in Eddie’s light while he can. 

He wasn’t sure what a friendship with Eddie would look like when the other boy woke up, but it didn’t stop him from visiting every day he could. If Eddie was still asleep or away at physical therapy, he’d keep Wayne company in Eddie’s tiny room talking about the latest game or on a few occasions wild stories from when Eddie was a little boy. From what he’s learned, Eddie’s always been full of energy; full of life. Nothing is going to hold him back from his dream. 

Steve can see it clearly, Eddie on a stage playing his heart out and an adoring crowd screaming his lyrics back to him. It’s a future he wishes he could be a part of. But he’s just a friend, so he’ll have to settle for cheering Eddie on through the phone line – which he’ll do as long as the metalhead lets him. 

Eddie rolls over so he’s facing Steve, brown eyes sparkling. 

“What about you? What’s the future hold for Steve Harrington?” The smile on his face softens and Steve just wants to reach over and tuck that one curl behind Eddie’s ear to see it better.

“No idea. Probably just stay around town. Visit you and Robin every so often.”

Eddie’s smile fades and he turns serious, eyes searching Steve’s face instead of forming an answer.

“Cause you know, someone’s gotta keep the brats alive. Teach them how to drive. Make sure they don’t uncover some other government secrets. Make sure-”

“What do you want to do?” 

“Hm?”

“Like, if you didn’t have to worry about anyone else, and you could just do whatever you wanted, what would you do?” 

I’d go with you and Robin to Chicago. Steve wants to say it, but he can’t – the words feel stuck in his throat and he swallows. The crickets don’t cover the noise and he watches as Eddie’s eyes dart to his throat and back up again.

“Stevie, I know you’ve got something. Would it work better if I wasn’t looking at you? Here.” And then he closes his eyes. One corner of Eddie’s mouth is ticked up, like he’s amused but trying to stay serious instead. It’s the same look he gets on his face when the kids argue over their next move in DnD. 

Steve hates that Eddie’s right and the pressure is lighter without Eddie looking at him, even if their bodies are curled in towards each other like closed parenthesis. He traces the lines of Eddie’s face before answering. 

“If I didn’t have to worry about anything?” A small nod from Eddie. “I’d follow you and Robin to Chicago. Get a tiny little apartment where we’re all cramped on top of each other because it’s all we can afford but we don’t care because it’s like one long sleepover. I’d get some job in town that lets me have the weekends off so that I can come see you play in some bar that likes loud music.” Eddie huffs a laugh at this but keeps his eyes closed. “I’d play the best wingman to Robin to make sure she gets a good girl to call her own.” Steve stops here and sighs, closing his own eyes and rolling onto his back again. 

“Why don’t you?” Eddie whispers the words, if they weren’t so close Steve would’ve missed it, and he can feel Eddie’s eyes on him again.

“I don’t wanna hold you or Robin back.” It’s the truth. And a truth he’s been trying to avoid all summer. He knows people become his friend because of proximity. Hawkins is a small town, and even though he and Robin are Platonic Soulmates, she still only became his friend because they worked and got tortured together. Eddie would never have given him a chance to be his friend if it hadn’t been for the Upside Down.

Now there’s two weeks before Robin and Eddie head off to Chicago and he’s tired of avoiding the thought that they’re leaving him behind. The blanket shifts slightly from under him and he opens his eyes to Eddie practically leaning over him, eyebrows furrowed. 

“As if you’d ever hold us back. You’re being too hard on yourself. We’d do better if you were with us. I’d do better if you came with us.”

“Eddie-”

“No, I mean it! It’d be just like you said, a sleepover every day. And if Robin got too sick of us we could stay out late and fail at being quiet when we got back to the apartment. You’d come to all my shows and make sure my crazy fans don’t kidnap me. And Robin and I would come bother you at work whenever we could. Of course your boss would love you so they wouldn’t even care about the two of us hanging out all the time.” Eddie sounds excited at this imaginary life he’s describing and Steve cracks his eyes open. The other boy is sitting up now, legs crossed so he can wave his arms around comfortably. He’s focused on the quarry in front of them and his hair blows with the wind. Steve doesn’t know if he’s ever looked more beautiful. 

“So, what do you think?” Eddie trails off, turning over his shoulder with his head tilted. 

Steve sits up and scoots down the blanket a little closer to Eddie again. Another gust of wind and he’s hit with the smokiness that always follows Eddie – it’s become one of his favorite things these past few months. 

“I think it sounds like a dream.”

As soon as he says the words, he wishes he could take them back. Eddie wilts like a sad flower, shoulders hunched in and smile gone. They’re both quiet for a minute, crickets singing their song while the trees dance in the wind. Eddie starts mumbling quietly, not loud enough to be heard, and that’s okay, Steve’s trying to focus on anything other than how this might be one of the last times the two of them hang out at the quarry before Eddie leaves. 

When Eddie talks again, he’s loud enough for it to echo. “Come with us!” He doesn’t give Steve a chance to answer before he continues, “No, listen. We leave in two weeks, come with us. That’s plenty of time for you to tell Keith you’re quitting, pack up your stuff, and then you just drive out with us when we leave town in two weeks. It’ll be a tight squeeze like you said, but we won’t care. You and Buckley share a bed every movie night anyway. Finding a job won’t be too hard once we’re in the city, and even if it takes a little bit I know you squirreled away your government money so you’ll be fine. If you’re worried about how you’ll fit in the apartment, you’ll make sure me and Birdie stay alive. Who else is going to make sure we don’t eat take out every night? So, you’ll come with us, right?”

“Are you sure?” Steve’s been doing better with his self-worth, he really has. That doesn’t mean he’s prepared for such a display of someone wanting him around though. It fills him with warmth that makes him want to just reach out and hug Eddie close. 

“Never been more sure.”

A smile stretches across his face and Steve honest to god, giggles at the idea. 

“I’d love to.”

[staceymcgillicuddy]

Prompt #9 please!

Oh, Nonnie, this is my last prompt in the inbox and it got me all in my emotions as well! Love an established relationship feelings-fest! (Prompt is "Listen to me.")

~~~~~~~

“Chrissy?” 

Eddie taps on the door of their overpriced hotel room and waits. He has a key, but he wants to respect her need to take a moment. After all, it isn’t every day that your wife flees her little brother’s rehearsal dinner in tears after telling her own sainted mother to “just shut up, okay?” 

Not that Laura Cunningham’s much of a saint. Still, Eddie’s treading carefully because this is the first significant time they’ve spent with the Cunninghams since the Christmas disaster of ’91, and there’s nothing that can send Chrissy spiraling back into the abyss of her childhood faster than a scathing comment from her mother. 

“Hey, Bets,” he says, trying again with a nickname that he only pulls out when the stakes are high. He can’t remember how it started—Christine Elizabeth shortened to Lizzie, Beth, Betty, Bets, maybe—but after eleven years together, eight of them married, and a hundred pet names split between them, what does remembering matter?

Pressing his ear to the door, he waits until he hears a sob before deciding that she’s had warning enough and uses his key.

The room smells like Chrissy’s perfume with an undercurrent of faux-floral toilet scrub. It’s not a place they could ever have afforded alone, which is part of the problem. As parents of the groom (and at said groom’s request), Phillip and Laura are paying for their attendance, which has set Chrissy on a self-destructive path where she has to battle a tornado of tolerance and an earthquake of obligation and yes, sure, Eddie’d suggested they just get a room at the Motel 8 and save themselves the hassle, but she’d wanted to do it for her brother. For Charlie. For his bride-to-be, Addie, who’s actually a cool girl. They’ve been to stay with Chrissy and Eddie in Chicago twice now, and Eddie digs her taste in music more than he’ll ever admit. 

(Addie also said she dug Eddie’s band-on-the-side, which is all he needs to love someone forever.) 

“Eddie,” comes a plaintive wail from the bed.

Chrissy’s curled on her side with a pillow hugged to her abdomen, still wearing the blue floral dress she’d sported to dinner. It has ridden up her thighs considerably, and Eddie must have grown as a person because he only thinks about that for maybe .02 seconds as he crawls onto the bed behind her and wraps an arm around her waist to pull her against his chest. 

“She had it coming,” he says into her artfully coiffed hair, which rests shellacked and sticky against his lips. “Baby. She did.” 

“Is Ch-Ch-Addie mad?” 

“Nobody’s mad except your mother.” In fact—and he won’t tell her this now—Addie’d been hiding a giggle behind a napkin. Eddie knows for a fact that she feels about Laura much the same as he does. Only, you know, she can’t say that to Chrissy because while Chrissy’s allowed to hate her mother, nobody else can say a word, and God, yeah, families are complicated. Eddie’s grateful that he only has to worry about Wayne, and Wayne never gives them any trouble. 

“I shouldn’t have said anything,” she says around another miserable little sniffle. 

“Eh.” He shrugs and kisses the spot where her shoulder meets her neck. “She was picking at you, and you snapped. It happens.” 

“But I wasn’t going to do it this time! I was… I worked on all those coping m-mechanisms!” That brings a fresh volley of tears. “Sandra’s going to be so disappointed.” 

“What, like you’re gonna get a bad grade in therapy?” 

“Yes!” She trills the word out on a wail.

Eddie loves her so much, but she’s making a mountain out of a molehill, and while he never minds comforting this particular damsel in distress, he’s also not gonna let her beat herself up when Laura’s the one who threw the first punch. 

“Alright, buddy, c’mon.” He pulls away enough to coax her onto her back, where she stares up at him from puffy, red-rimmed eyes and a blotchy complexion. “Hey.” 

“Hi,” she says. 

There’s snot beneath her nose, so he grabs a Kleenex from the box on the nightstand and holds it to her face. “Blow.”

She blows—honks if he’s honest—and he chucks the tissue onto the table before focusing on her. 

“Okay, counselor, facts of the case. Did your mother kick the evening off by telling you your dress was too tight?” 

Chrissy frowns. “It is, and—”

“Bzzt!” Eddie digs his fingers into her side, which has the intended effect of shocking her into a squeal. “Irrelevant. Conjecture. Also, bullshit. You look hot. So, true or false, counselor? Did she do that?” 

Chrissy nods, mute, pressing her lips into a thin line. But, hey. Not crying, so that’s something. 

“And did she, or did she not, tell everyone at the table that they’re paying for us to be here?” 

Another nod. 

“After which—and correct me if I’m wrong here—she put her hand over your plate so the waiter couldn’t give you any of the lobster risotto.” 

Chrissy’s mouth twists into what might be termed a smile, and she shrugs. 

“So then I switched plates with you, and she gave me that look she always gives me.” 

“What look?” 

“The look where I’m a pile of actual dogshit she’s just stepped in.” 

“Oh.” Chrissy’s smile widens, and she shrugs. “Right. That look.” 

“All of that to say, by the time she gave her little speech about grandchildren and welcoming a daughter into the family… I dunno, Bets, it felt like justifiable homicide to me.” 

“But I did it in front of everyone…” 

“Yeah, well, so did she.” 

“But—“ 

“No buts. Listen to me. Your mother’s never going to change, but you change every day. That’s why you’ve got me, and Sandra, and all our friends who actually like you instead of the stupid little dress-up doll your mother spent eighteen years trying to turn you into.” 

This is not the first time they’ve had this conversation. Chrissy already knows how he feels. However, if the message takes a million times to sink in, Eddie’s willing to keep talking. 

Chrissy blinks, sniffs, and rubs her eyes. “Okay,” she says because she’s not so good at acknowledging the truth of the matter. “I should call Charlie’s room. Apologize to him and Addie and—”

“Or,” Eddie says, cutting her off before she can work herself into another lather. “We could call up room service and charge two fucking massive slices of chocolate cake to your parents.” 

“Eddie…” 

“Best part is, they’re both for you.” 

"Eddie."

"I'll have a bite. And you can call your brother, too."

~~~~~~

All the prompts I've answered!

[laughingphoenixleader]

also. kanera on an airplane for the three sentence fics.

behold, Kanairplane (as @accidental-spice called it one time and it never left my brain)

Kanan settles into his seat on the plane, but his spirit is far from settled.

Restlessness fills every nerve within him, as per usual, especially when he's in a plane. He squeezes his eyes shut, attempting to block out the waves of memories that come crashing in. "GO, CALEB!"

General Billaba's voice rings through his mind, the memory like a knife in his gut. For the umpteenth time, he curses the no-alcohol policy that goes for every airline. He would know. He researched all of them in pursuit of one that would let him bring a drink on his flight, but, alas and, similarly, alack, he found nothing but disappointment.

So here he is, with a two-hour flight straight through Misery Lane to look forward to. I hate it here.

"I'd consider buckling your seatbelt, mate," a cool, Irish-accented voice recommends from the window seat to his left. Kanan glances over at the ebony-skinned man with waist-length, pitch-black braids next to him, who wears an unbothered expression paired with a raised eyebrow. He has a cool, unaffected air, like you could throw a brick at him and he’d just catch it and ask “is that all you’ve got?”

Kanan nods, pulling the seat belt and shoving the silver end intothe…. well, other silver end, but it's the actual buckle, so it's different.

When he glances out the window, it isn’t the pavement of the airport that he sees, it’s air filled with ash and fire. He curses under his breath, dragging his gaze away, wishing for something, anything to distract him from the memories that keep crashing in over the next indeterminate amount of time.

But then his prayer is answered. A voice sounds over the loudspeaker, one that pulls Kanan straight out of his flashback and back into the present, and he feels like he’s just been dragged out of water that had been drowning him. He sucks in a deep breath, but it catches in his throat as he listens. The voice is warm, musical, and distinctly feminine. He’s never heard anything like it.

“This is your pilot speaking,” the voice announces in a friendly tone, so different from the impersonal one so often used by airline pilots. Different in more ways than one. “And I like to do things a little differently around here—I’ll be conducting your flight safety announcement this afternoon.”

Kanan’s spirits rise way more than they should at the knowledge that he’ll be hearing a lot more of this voice. He’s not sure exactly what it is that has him so spellbound—something about it makes him want to follow it anywhere.

The pilot scatters little witticisms throughout her flight safety announcements—“keep your seatbelts fastened, because I just rewatched Top Gun: Maverick and got inspired”—“put the oxygen mask on anyone who is a child or is acting like a child first”—“this is not a toilet seat cover it is a life jacket”—that have Kanan chuckling to himself all during what is the most entertaining beginning to a flight he has ever experienced.

“She’s a fun one, isn’t she?” the Irish guy comments from nearby.

“Yeah,” Kanan replies, a smile tugging on one end of his mouth. “Seems like it.”

“Text people—tell them that you love them, or never wanna see them again. or whatever,” the pilot adds when she’s telling them to turn their phones on airplane mode. Kanan snorts at that. He desperately wants to meet this woman—or at least see who could be attached to a voice and sense of humor like that.

He ponders this as he stares out the window for the next long while, actually seeing the fluffy clouds blanketing the area underneath their plane rather than smoke-streaked sky, for once. Somehow, this woman has eased and pacified his ravaged, PTSD-ridden mind that he hasn’t gotten therapy for, both because he isn’t interested and because he can’t afford it anyway. What money he has, he spends on alcohol and buying things for whatever girl he might be spending time with, which changes often. As does his place where he’s living—hence the secret third thing that saps his bank account—flights away. Away from the suspicious Imperial gazes that’ve been following him all too much lately, in this case. As per usual.

Then the plane is shuddering, and warning sirens start blaring, and Kanan thinks he’s just lost it again. But the screams from the passengers around him and, especially, the shouted curses that he’s never heard before in his life from the nearby Irish guy convince him that, somehow, this is real. As is the smoke covering the windows of the right side of the plane as it leans to one side.

We’ve been hit.

Somehow, impossibly, their commercial airplane has been hit.

The voice shouts over the loudspeakers now, its musical tones now strained, yet firm and strong. “Everyone remain calm! Follow safety protocols—evacuate from the plane!”

People begin grabbing their lifesaving devices, scrambling for oxygen masks, and generally panicking. Kanan shoves a mask onto his face and breathes in deeply, then springs into action, helping people put on their oxygen masks, placing comforting hands on people’s shoulders—but then the loudspeakers fill with that amazing voice, now tinged with urgency. “If anyone has any piloting experience, I need you up here now.”

Kanan stops short. He’s definitely got piloting experience. But the idea of getting into a cockpit again…he doesn’t have the courage for that. Not after the last time he was in one. General Billaba’s screams echo through his mind for what feels like the thousandth time.

But these people need him. And the owner of that voice needs him.

So Kanan finds himself stumbling up the aisle, the plane lurching beneath his feet. Hours seem to drag by as he makes his way to the cockpit door. He hears more explosions outside that he doubts are real, but he finds himself wondering if they might be. He always does. Trauma that deep can’t be reasoned away.

He yanks the door open and catches a glimpse of the most stunning person he has ever seen—but he forces himself not to focus on that right now. He takes in the scene—red lights flashing, copilot passed out on the console, vibrantly purple hair splayed all over it—and tells the pilot, keeping it brief, “Air Force vet. What do you need?”

The next indeterminate amount of time is a whirlwind of shouting things back and forth, pressing buttons, pulling levers, and managing communications with towers and other planes. The pilot and Kanan somehow slip into a rhythm, working together to keep the plane upright and figuring out exactly what the problem is. They discover that the plane has been grazed by what seems to be some sort of missile. Nothing vital on the inside of the plane was hit, but the same can’t be said for the right wing.

The Imperials don’t exactly clear areas when they conduct training exercises. They aren’t that cautious, and they don’t care that much.

It takes every ounce of Kanan and the captain’s combined concentration to keep the plane stable, but they manage it somehow. They find the closest runway possible and haphazardly land the plane. Well. It’s more of a crash than a landing. But the plane’s in one piece, and there are no worrying sounds from the passengers, and there are already people running up to help.

The pilot next to Kanan lets out a breath that it sounds like she’s been holding for a while and falls back into her seat. She sticks out her hand for him to shake. “Captain Hera Syndulla.”

Kanan shakes it, finally taking a good look at her. Captain Syndulla is as beautiful as her voice, which is saying something. She has stunningly jade-green eyes, two dark, thick braids streaming down her back, ending in spiraling curls dyed as green as her eyes. Her warm tan skin about the same shade as Kanan’s glows next to the crisp white uniform she absolutely rocks. Confidence and capability practically pour off of her, and the relieved, exhausted smile she throws him as they shake hands lights up the cockpit. The golden wings pinned right above her heart gleam as brightly as her eyes are. “Kanan Jarrus,” he tells her, after he realizes that he’s been staring for what hopefully wasn’t too long. Nice to meet you, Captain Syndulla.”

She scoffs. “I just trusted you to help fly a plane with me. Call me Hera.”

“Okay, Captain Hera,” Kanan quips with a grin. She rolls her eyes.

“I guess I can live with that,” she tells him, a smile tugging at her lips. Her gaze shifts to the window.

“I like to call things like this “very exciting landings,”” Captain Hera explains, gesturing towards the window.

“You mean, crashes?” Kanan asks helpfully.

The captain turns to him and narrows her eyes, her expression and flat voice one of the most terrifying things Kanan has ever experienced, and that’s saying a lot. “I never crash.”

Startled and fearing for his life, Kanan gives her a respectful two-fingered salute. “Yes, ma’am.”

She nods approvingly. Then her expression softens. “We make a pretty good team,” the pilot remarks, her voice warm and pleasant (read: heavenly and angelic).

“Yeah,” Kanan says with a smile. “Yeah, we do. And it’s an honor, Captain.” He might have added juuuust a bit of flirtation into that last bit.

“Thank you,” she tells him, placing a hand on his arm. He goes very, very still, and has to remind himself to breathe. “Not just anyone could have or would have stepped in like you did.” Her voice is overflowing with gratitude, and he is absolutely overjoyed to have brought that kind of gratitude to her.

“Any way I can repay you?” she asks, her question genuine, and it sends Kanan’s heart pounding.

He considers.

He second-guesses.

Then he goes for it.

“Can I treat you to dinner?”

She doesn’t seem altogether surprised by this. But what he’s holding out for is if she seems displeased by it.

So far, so good.

Captain Hera tilts her head to the side, considering. “I don’t go on dates with just anyone,” she tells him, her voice neutral, and Kanan isn’t sure whether to set his hopes lower or higher. But when a smile lights her face, it doesn’t even matter whether she says yes or no, because he’s just happy to have made her smile.

“But you’re clearly not just anyone,” she finishes, and his heart skips several beats. His stomach flips. This is the best moment of my life.

Okay, that last thing’s kind of concerning.

“It’s a deal, then, Captain Hera,” he replies, smiling crookedly at her, attempting to ignore the way his heart is thundering. Giddiness fills him. He feels like a teenager again, even though he’s successfully asked out so many different women. Somehow, this Captain Hera is different. Special.

Years later, sitting across from her at dinner in their dining room in their home, wedding rings on their hands, that’s truer than ever.

[enchxanting]

our love is god [ethan landry] pt. 6

read part 5 here || all parts

pairing: ethan landry x fem!reader

warnings: angst, discussion of suicide, obsessive compulsive behavior

a/n: this is sooooo lady macbeth coded. hope you enjoy!!

------------------------------------------------------------------------------

Dear Diary,

I go to the bathroom at least twice a period.

When I'm there, I make sure I’m alone. Then I do two things. First, I stare at myself in the mirror. I don’t break eye contact until I’ve sufficiently recalled the memory of Tara’s limp body in my peripheral vision as Ethan pulled me out of her room.

After that, I wash my hands at least three times, but it’s usually closer to seven. 

I left Tara behind four days ago. My hands are raw. I don’t know what to do. 

I can’t wash this feeling away. 

Still, it’s better than sending my SAT scores to San Quentin. Thank god for Ethan, because I don’t know what I would’ve done without him. “Sorry, officer, I accidentally poisoned my best friend after our huge public disagreement?” 

Sure, yeah, that sounds believable. I looked up the prison time for manslaughter, assuming the judge believes it was an accident, and I don’t have eleven years to spare right now. 

Talk soon.

Y/N

I close my diary and return it to my backpack for safekeeping. 

Mindy is still writing on the pieces of looseleaf the school counselor, Dr. Stone, provided her with. It appears that most people don’t keep a diary past the third grade, but some TED talk said that journaling can help process big traumas, and the school has been on that shit ever since. Luckily, they don’t ask to read the entries.

The school took away my friends’ and my free periods and sent us to the counselor’s office after the news broke of Tara’s “suicide.” Anika and Chad have to go alone, but Mindy and I have always had free blocks together. 

This group therapy has got to be some sort of cosmic punishment for what I did. Now I have to watch one of her oldest friends mourn, as if I wasn’t the one who let her die.

Mindy clicks her pen and slides the papers across to Dr. Stone. He takes them without looking, inserting them neatly into a file stuffed with previous entries. 

“Thank you, girls. I know that the past week has been… difficult, to say the least. I want you to know that this is a safe space, and you can freely share any emotions that this tragic event has brought up.”

Poor Dr. Stone. I know that he’s really trying, but there aren’t any emotions I can bring up that wouldn’t be incriminating. Guilt? Disgust? Fear? I sneak a glance at Mindy, who’s staring out the window. She’s silent, too.

Dr. Stone sighs. “I understand that this is all very new. Maybe we’ll feel up to talking tomorrow.”

The bell rings, and Mindy gets up without saying a word. I mumble a half-hearted “thank you” before following her into the hall.

“Christ, that shit sucks,” she says. “I hate fucking journaling.”

We turn down the hallway towards the gym, where Chad’s taking part in some sort of football conditioning at lunch. We’ve developed a habit of skipping halfway through the day to sit in his car. 

Mindy drops her bag and sits against the wall by the gym door. “It’s just so unfair,” she says. “I still don’t understand.”

I sit down beside her. “Don’t understand what?”

She’s quiet for a second. “I read the note. Tara said there wasn’t anyone left who cared about her. And that’s bullshit. I cared, and Chad cared, and Anika cared, and Sam cared, and you cared.”

Her eyes are brimming with angry tears. “Part of me is so, so fucking mad at her. Like, how could she leave us behind, after we made it out together? We were starting to get somewhere. She had that thing with Chad going, even if both of them were too dumb to realize. You were pulling in steady cash, thanks to me, so we could actually afford to get out of here. We talked about college in New York or something, far away from Woodsboro. There were all these goddamn plans.

“But mostly I fucking miss her, man. It’s barely been a week and I’m so… incomplete. And no amount of school counseling or journaling or whatever inspirational quote my homeroom teacher wants to share with me is going to fill the void she left behind.”

Mindy wipes away her tears. For the first time since we left Dr. Stone’s office, she looks right at me. 

“I know you had your fight or whatever the night before, and if that were me I’d be torn up about it. But seriously, Y/N, you had nothing to do with it. After everything with… Amber, last year, she needed a friend. One that she wasn’t trauma-bonded with, like Chad and me. And you showed up at the right time. She loved you, man.”

My head is spinning. I’m wracked with all sorts of conflicting guilt, grief, anger, whatever, and I can’t tell anyone about it. 

So I get up and start walking towards the nearby locker room.

“Wait, Y/N, what are you doing?” Mindy calls. I don’t answer.

I can hear her get up and follow after me, but it’s been at least two hours since I’ve gone to the bathroom. At this point, I don’t care if someone watches my regimen– I need to be clean.

Turning into the locker room, I make a beeline for the sinks. I get close to the mirror, close enough to make out my pores. and stare down my reflection. After that harrowing edition of a trademark Mindy monologue, it doesn’t take long for me to recall Tara’s face. I wash my hands once, twice, three times, four times.

“Jesus, Y/N, seriously, what are you doing?” Mindy watches from behind, her voice still shaky from crying.

Five times, six times, seven times, and it’s still not enough. I’m breathing hard at this point, but I can’t get enough air. There’s blood everywhere, all over me, my clothes, even on Mindy. Out of the corner of my eye, I spot the showers. Perfect. I rush over to the nearest stall and turn the handle. 

I don’t undress before stepping under the showerhead, letting the freezing water overtake me.

taglist: @miawastakens

[avionvadion]

Rewatching Diluc scenes and he’s just…

He’s so sweet??? Like they animate him with such a deadpan expression but he’s genuinely one of the nicest characters???

Klee legit burned down half his vineyard chasing butterflies and instead of getting angry or upset with her, he just gifted her some free bottles of grape juice and walked her back to the Knights of Favonius to make sure she arrived safely. But because his face is so deadpan he’s the only one she says isn’t “the best” because he’s “looking so grumpy all the time”.

Like, baby girl, come on, you BURNED DOWN HIS VINEYARD, and HE GAVE YOU GRAPE JUICE.

He even jokes about making Venti pay for all the wine he’s drinking as “only the knights drink for free tonight” before retracting his comment because he doubts Venti could afford the bill. And in the teapot he even makes a new non-alcoholic drink and offers to name it after you, because it was made with you in mind.

Like????? Excuse me??? Sir???

He’s just so misunderstood, like 😭 when he commented that your teapot abode was “not bad” he immediately apologized and said that he didn’t intend to come off insulting. He just meant that it would take some time getting used to staying there. He then apologized again because the conversation was going downhill, proceeded to say that he’d have to do some “introspection”, and that he would also try to find some “conversation topics that align with your interests” so that you two can actually talk together.

My heart can’t, he’s so freaking sweet. And even in his voice lines he generally only ever has good things to say about the other characters (save for his warning to not trust half of what Kaeya says) though heartbreakingly the other characters only ever complain about him because he’s “always frowning” or “is a lot different than how he used to be”.

Like excuse me, his dad was practically murdered by using a delusion, and had his death covered up by the Knights of Favonius. Then he found out his adoptive brother had been lying to him all along, nearly blinded him during their fight, and then went on a revenge mission for about three years to avenge his dad.

He isn’t gonna be as cheerful as he was before! It’s a miracle he’s as sweet as he is now.

He and Kaeya still have a rocky relationship, but they don’t HATE each other. That much is clear. They’ve mended their relationship to the point where they’re able to send letters and team up on missions. And based on recent updates, they genuinely miss each other.

(Kaeya having that Diluc card is both so sad but also kind of hilarious. Dude is legit just drinking away staring at a picture of his brother. Jean, please get this man some therapy I beg of you. He’s the Calvary Captain, he can afford it.)

Anyways, Kaeya harbors too much guilt and keeps pushing Diluc away by making comments he knows he doesn’t approve of, being genuinely insufferable almost as if to punish himself by trying to get Diluc to hate him, and Diluc has a hard time bringing himself to try and mend the rest of that gap without outside forces helping because he attacked Kaeya in a fit of rage and nearly blinded him, thus giving him his own guilt to harbor as well.

(Adalinde is doing the Archons’ work to pull these brothers back together, I swear)

Diluc even has a hideous vase Kaeya gave him as a present out on display in his manor. He could have trashed it. Could have shattered or donated it. But he didn’t. He kept it and decorated the manor with it. Despite everything, he does still care about his brother. He wants to mend things, but doesn’t know how, and Kaeya keeps pushing him away.

…Holy frick, this was not the direction my ramblings was supposed to go to.

AHEM. Anyways…

My point is, Diluc doesn’t come off as a very friendly person, but he’s literally one of the sweetest characters in-game.

Sassy and sweet.

Man’s been through some shit and he’s only, what, 22? He’s gonna look grumpy. His dad is dead, his brother is a brat, he’s got to run an entire wine business on his own with only his butler for help- specifically, the largest wine business in all of Mondstadt, he works part-time as a bartender at his own tavern, and is also trying to take down the Abyss/Fatui during his free time.

He’s probably so tired.

But Diluc ain’t the Uncrowned King of Mondstadt for nothing, y’know?

[narabea06]

Tell me your Nina headcanons silly person

Or tell my HC on anyone you want to!^^

You. YOU. I like you. /p

Nina the Killer Headcanons

TW: Abuse, Manipulation, Death, Toxic Relationships, Meltdowns/Breakdowns, Murder, Implied Ableism

Nina is polyamorous, biromantic asexual, transfem nonbinary, and goes by they/she/it/neon.

She is currently in a polyamorous relationship with Jane and Mary and loves both of them with all her heart.

She had severe mommy issues, but had a great relationship with her brother and dad. Her dad died while in the military in a plane accident when she was 12.

She was in a friend group with Jeff, Jane, Jesse, Mary, Liu, Clockwork, Lyra, and Toby pre-incident. Now she's still close friends with Jane, Jesse, Mary, and Liu, and now that she's reunited with Toby, they are attached at the hip. Jeff and her are currently at odds with each other, and she hasn’t reunited with Clockwork or Lyra yet.

Jeff was able to manipulate her so easily because at the time, she was already at her limit with her mother, as well as accidentally isolating herself due to so many of her friends going missing/dying (namely Clockwork, Toby, and Lyra). Nina is still upset at Jeff, but wrongly blames herself for getting manipulated.

She was a band kid, and was in the wind ensemble. She also did color guard for a few years.

She is an absolute scene kid.

Her, Toby, and BEN are very close friends and hang out a lot, and see each other practically as siblings. She hates to admit it, but BEN severely reminds her of Chris. BEN knows and tries to ignore it. Still hurts though, especially since BEN is scared the only reason Nina hangs out with him is because she misses her brother.

Nina grew up in a Mexican household and fluently spoke both Spanish and English. She ended up teaching Jane and Jeff some Spanish as well, and is currently trying to teach Toby.

Their mother was named Michelle, and her dad was named Tomas.

She and Clockwork dated in highschool. They had a very healthy relationship but they broke up from Natalie being too scared of commitment and the idea of their relationship being long term. They broke up on good terms, though Nina still had some feelings on her end after the break up.

They are stubborn as hell, and hate accepting help from others, even if it's for something small. This is due to growing up being told to figure out everything on her own and being unconsciously taught to never ask or accept help because she was considered "useless" if she couldn't figure out how to take care of herself.

She listens to a lot of different artists, but one of her favorites is Melanie Martinez. Her favorite song is EVIL. Nina also listens to Penelope Scott, Insane Clown Posse, and 6arelyhuman religiously.

They have generalized anxiety despite being an extrovert, as well as consistent panic attacks caused by stress. She is also prone to sensory meltdowns that Mary often needs to calm her down from.

She was a true crime listener growing up, and would often hyperfixate on it a lot. Nowadays though, she can’t get herself to listen to it anymore due to her sometimes running into her name on there and immediately having to shut it off.

Clockwork and her never reunited, so as far as Nina knows she’s dead.

Her comfort food is either a blue raspberry gas station slushie or sour gummy worms.

Her dad and her shared a birthday, and when she was young, he would often take them out to a cheap gas station and buy them a bunch of snacks and candy, and they would drive around town together until midnight.

She trolls people on the internet sometimes, and loves messing with random people and sometimes will get BEN to hack social media accounts of people she hates.

They have AuDHD. Michelle, her mother, couldn't afford to keep her in therapy for any longer a couple months after her dad’s death, so she never got properly diagnosed. This lead to many teachers in Nina's life not having a lot of faith in her and not trusting her when it came to her symptoms.

Ngl, these are just the tip of the iceberg of my Nina hcs, but I only had so much space bc Tumblr wouldn't let me post the full list for some reason-

Part 2!!

[le-trash-prince]

Ray fans look away because I’ve got to vent a little.

One thing that particularly rubbed me the wrong way in regards to Ray using Sand as a surrogate caretaker was the comment about the nurse because it shows that Ray is not as helpless as he makes himself seem—he just wants to be spoiled.

And this is coming from personal bitter experience of having wealthy friends use me for both physical and emotional labor :| I had a friend tell me that she didn’t need to bother getting therapy because I could just repeat everything my own therapist was saying (even though she would then argue with every statement because she didn’t actually want to get better lmfao). I had a friend whose parents were Multiple Houses Rich tell me that therapy was “too expensive” as an excuse for constantly trauma dumping on friends—and then later that year drop 25k in cash on a car lmfao AHDJFJD JUST TO PUT IN PERSPECTIVE THE PERSONAL SALT I HAVE. I hate seeing rich ppl take advantage of someone less wealthy just so they can get something for free.

Because Ray has the audacity here to act like he’s helpless and uncared for, even though he has the money to meet his own damn needs! And Sand is rightfully commenting on it, just as he did earlier when he told Ray to save his money for a shrink.

Because yes, therapy is expensive. Rehab is expensive. Not everyone has access to those things, but Ray does! But instead he demands that Sand be the one to put in the work to make Ray feel better about himself.

Things like that can make a person feel really devalued. You feel obligated to help a friend because you want them to feel cared for, but when they manufacture these situations in order to demand labor from you, it makes you feel like they don’t care about the reason you’re doing this. No matter how much you bend over backwards to make sure that they’re okay, that they’re healthy—they don’t respect that effort by trying to take care of themselves. All they care about is getting attention.

And when it comes from a rich person, it’s like, what the fuck man? Why do you feel so entitled? You think your life is so stressful? You’re going to say that your life is stressful when Sand is working multiple hustles in order to pay off his family debts and get through school? Sand needs a roommate in order to be able to afford his apartment, meanwhile Ray is benefitting off of his dad’s second home. Ray can afford to have a nurse take care of him, but instead he asks Sand to take time away from making money that he needs.

Ray has never had to deal with the stress of paying for rent or food or dealing with debt collectors banging on his door. The only stress in his life is that people want him to care about himself! It really bugs me when rich ppl act like their needs are the only ones that matter 😠

The only thing standing between Ray and sobriety is Ray himself. And I’m not saying this to devalue how difficult it is to climb out of that pit, because I have fought depression myself for many years. But the barrier for a poor addict to reach sobriety is so much higher and the judgment they face for not being able to afford help is so much worse.

And I can’t believe Ray had the audacity to complain about his dad wanting him to get rehab. Like, this kid would prob be set up in the nicest rehab center in the country, going on nature walks and doing pottery, but he acts like it’s a sign that his dad doesn’t give a shit.

I’m not going to pretend like his dad is a great parent, but I’ll be honest—I’ve seen worse from people with alcoholic kids. I’ve seen people refuse to visit their kids in the ER when they’re at deaths door because it would be too much of a blemish on their reputation to acknowledge they’ve got an alcoholic kid—so I was honestly surprised Ray’s dad even showed up. The way his dad acted wasn’t great, but wanting his kid to get better is above the bare minimum of wanting his kid to disappear. 🤷‍♂️

I’ll also say this, but people who love Ray wanting to see him love himself is not a bad thing. No, it’s not easy to love yourself, it takes a lot of fucking work, but that doesn’t mean you should just avoid the work and push it off onto other people. He has people in his life who see enough value in him that they want him to feel the same way. And this episode has shown that no matter how much work someone else puts into loving and supporting a broken person, it will never make a difference until that person learns to love themselves.

Anyways I’m glad that the Poor Boy shirt returned to Sand this episode because I am done with feeling sorry for the rich boy. I don’t think this show is brushing over the class difference between Ray and Sand—it’s just Ray and Sand who have been trying to ignore it.

[catindabag]

TBOSAS AU ✨CRACK! TAKE✨: The 10th HG Mentors According to Drunk Dean Highbottom. (Part 1)

⭐️❄️⭐️

In my TBOSAS Crack!AU (Read [this] & [this] for context), Drunk!Casca Highbottom has a major problem when it comes to pronouncing people’s names right (intentionally and unintentionally). Many even accepted the fact that the Dean just gave up correcting himself after the last PTA meeting.

Moreover, most of the time, drunk Highbottom thinks that his top student, Coriolanus Snow is the 2nd coming of the ever gorgeous Crassus Xanthos Snow. And yes, Crassus was in fact Casca’s former super dead lover, drinking buddy, and karaoke pal.

In addition, the Dean hates the Plinths with a passion. However, it is not because they’re District. Casca simply hates them because according to rumors, Strabo Plinth, who was also serving in the army with Crassus Snow at that time, stole (dated) Casca’s ex boyfriend after the infamous Crasca University Breakup.

And now, Coriolanus Crassus Snow is going to marry the rich bastard Sejanus Plinth after graduation. And Casca is still swimming in DENIAL. How the odds were never in Highbottom’s favor.😭🔪

So here are our Mentors according to Drunk Delusional Dean Casca Highbottom (plus with his personal side notes and opinions about them).

Here are the other parts: [2] [3] [4]

⭐️MENTORS⭐️

Crassus Xanthos Snow (Coriolanus Snow)

I hate you, I love you, Crassus!😭🔪

You smell like roses and cabbages.

Poor AF. That’s what you get for breaking up with me!!

Is currently dating that idiot Plinth. I don’t know which one.😩😭

Obviously, you only did it for the filthy money!

Has a severe case of OCD and Paranoia.

Depressed & Obsessed AF.

War orphan who can’t pay his taxes.

Can’t even pay for therapy.

Can’t afford to buy f*ckin’ shoes.

Wears old clothes from the last century.

I want to spoil you so bad!😩

I too have money, please 🙏 marry me!

Extremely smart, but stupid.

Sucks at Physical Education.

Can and will malfunction when in a state of confusion.

Needs to pet a fluffy fat cat to avoid going batsh*t crazy.

Snow lands on top?? He’s a freaking “bottom”😏 for goodness sake.

Almost got evicted by loan sharks.

Can be easily hoodwinked into marriage.

I miss our ✨Thursday Clubbing✨!😭

Come back to me, Snow Bae!

I’m still single and waiting for you!

We’re technically still dating, right?🥺

That infamous “University Breakup” NEVER happened!!😫

CRASCA FOREVER!!

Will most likely win the Hunger Games by acting like a weak (but hot) little meow meow before poisoning everyone with Nightlock Berries.

Syllabus Plinth (Sejanus Plinth)

Ughhh!😩 Just go back to District 2 already!

You rich social climbing bastard!

Stole my gorgeous boyfriend!😡🔪

Is reckless AF.

Is wasteful AF.

Is a natural born menace to me.

The idiot heir to the largest munitions empire of Panem.

Wants to become the President of Panem for some reason?🧐

Throws bread to the dead.

No fashion sense at all.

Dr. Gaul hates him for being too nice.

His boyfriend stealing father throws money at me all the time.

Does not know what “personal space” is.

Doesn’t deserve to date my Snow Bae!

How dare you steal my boyfriend!!

I’ll crash your f*ckin’ wedding!!🤬🔪

How dare you stand where I stood!

You have daddy issues!

Peace loving?! Your family sells guns and nuclear missiles for a living!

The audacity! Give me your sandwich recipe!

Once choked my former boyfriend with gumdrops.

Will NEVER WIN the Hunger Games!!🤬🔪 I won’t allow this boyfriend stealing bastard to win anything!

Fetus Creed (Festus Creed)

A self proclaimed “Professional Dumpster Diver.”

Panem’s garbage boy.

A menace to society and the food industry.

Likes to act innocent & clueless.🙄

A natural born leader for fools.

President of the Losers Club.

King of delinquents.

Loves to steal and eat my hamburgers.

Can’t afford to buy a slice of cheesecake.

Is currently dating the cannibal.

Breaks the law everyday, all day.

Peacekeepers loathe him but can’t arrest him.

The Academy’s very own village idiot.

Your family owns the largest construction company in all of Panem, but reconstruction is still slow AF because of your very existence.

Your family members are super weird and super annoying.

Claimed to have never received the 200+ expulsion letters that I’ve personally written and sent to his parents.😫🔪

Has received at least 70+ demerits from me.

Why can’t you attend at least one f*ckin’ detention?!😡

Hangs out with cabbage boy and Plinth’s idiot heir all the time.

Needs to be expelled ASAP.

Why do you succeed and fail at the same time?!

Your ODDS are a piece of sh*t.

Will most likely win the Hunger Games through sheer DUMB LUCK.😩🔪

Listerina Listerine Vickers (Lysistrata Vickers)

Gives free hugs drugs to friends.

Does not prescribe morphling bottles for free.😭

Founder and leader of the “Snowjanus” fan club.🙄🔪

Started the “shipping” war of the century.

Very responsible, but unpredictable.

Suspicious AF.

You’re super lucky that your mommy and daddy are working under the President.

Stop using your “My parents are famous doctors” card to get out of trouble!

Biology is her forte.

Broke my expensive office aquarium on accident purpose.

Gave me weird looking vitamins as an “apology” gift.

Will stab people for medical reasons.

Knows how to manipulate the law.

Your wannabe local drug dealer doctor.

Has a neat appearance, just like her parents.

Might be the leader of an underground illegal drug company that I can’t name.

May have manufactured medicine without the President’s consent.

Is secretly a cry baby.

Hangs out with stupid garbage boys.

Girl, your so called “Miracle Pills” might be lethal and illegal.

Empathetic, I guess.

Will most likely win the Hunger Games by secretly slowly hugging drugging everyone to death.

Philip Raven’s Bill (Felix Ravinstill)

Ultimate Nepo Baby of the century.

Everyone’s favorite boy by default.

Very cool and competent.

Was given the biggest bedroom in the President’s Mansion for some reason.

President Gran Gran’s favorite grandnephew.

Is very rich, but don’t ask why.

Can win a war through the power of friendship and stupidity.

Extremely likable AF.

Must be protected at all cost.

VIP student who can’t be arrested.

Is the Class President.

If he gets hurt, we all get hurt.

I’ll be dead before you get kidnapped.

Haven’t you heard? His granduncle is the current President of Panem.

Has common sense.

Your bromantic boyfriend is a freaking kleptomaniac.

What’s with the Hello Kitty merch?!

Your family is corrupt AF.

Hates his shady & scheming relatives.

Half of your uncles are banned from entering The Academy.

Can you file a very powerful restraining order for me?🥺

Needs to work on his “begging” skills.

Might have the power to end the Hunger Games forever.

Will most likely win the Hunger Games by hiding and having a lot of sponsors to keep him alive.

Andrew Keys Under Sun (Androcles Anderson)

A wannabe reporter like his mama.

A self proclaimed “professional kleptomaniac.”

Stole my morphling bottles.😠🔪

Stole my very expensive wristwatch.

Stole my personal diary journal.

Where is my freaking wallet, Andrew Keys?!

Is straight up a criminal.

Knows how to pickpocket like a pro.

Never give him a hairpin.

I gave you an inch, you f*ckin’ ran a mile.

You’re lucky that your mama can destroy my reputation.

Stole a thousand & plus items from school.

Is maybe secretly dating the Class President.

The only reason why you haven’t been arrested by the authorities is because of your bromantic boyfriend.

Your family only got filthy rich by blackmailing powerful people.

Can break into anyone’s house without being detected.

Dammit! Why do you have natural luck?!

The odds are always in your favor!😩

Can bribe anyone with a slice of pizza.

Will most likely win the Hunger Games by literally stealing everyone’s weapons, sponsors, lovers, mothers, fathers, and of course, your life.

[youanilovefandoms]

Rejoining Tumblr to share my thoughts on the Red White and Royal Blue movie

- I miss June

- Miguel who tf do you think you are you will never be Liam

- HE WILL NEVER BE LUNA

- Why are they still married???? Like it’s okay but a minor detail they could have left in

- The turkey scene confused my dog( it doesn’t hit the same but I also kinda like how they did it)

- RELEASE THE DIRECTORS CUT HE SAOD THERE ARE HOURS OF CONTENT THEY HAD TO CUT

- PEZ very happy he made the film

- Henry is me in social settings

- Miss Alexs original sexuality crisis cuz it was a true bisexual disaster moment

- Alex ready with music playing what a man

- Henry looked too composed post the first time they did sexy things

- Also where was “fucking eyelashes”

- Alex saying I’m bisexual for the first time is me

- “We just have to keep it very causal” and “I just can’t afford for you to fall in love with me” LIKE YOU DONT LOVE HIM ALREADY

- “I don’t know how to play polo” this is the moment Henry realised Alex is a Himbo

- I miss the polo dialogue, like that was iconic to me

- “HE IS” that’s it

- I too want to know the other famous lads he has shagged

- My mum wants to add that they are not subtle

- Give my guy Henry therapy like a fuck ton of it

- Also like let him hide on a private island and live the gay fantasy he deserves

- What happened to Wimbledon

- The Paris scene (before the do) was so sweet and cute and just everything like it was casual, fun and just everything I personally would have wanted when first having this experience (not that I did :()

- They’re in love your honour it is not casual

- Give both these men therapy please

- I am a miguel hater

- Alex loves politics but more importantly he loves his mum

- HENRYS EMAIL MADE THE CUT (not all of it but it made the cut)

- The letter quotes were pivotal for me in the books and the film without them is weird. Like I’m still really enjoying it but just miss it

- I HATE MIGUEL

- I wish Bea had more screen time she’s an icon

- “No” HE WAS SO QUICK AND CERTAIN. THAT MAN IS IN LOVE

- WHERES THE POWERPOINT

- “The B is not silent” please I needed that said on a big screen

- Stop calling my guy Pez Percy, it feels so wrong

- I’m happy the karaoke scene partially made it, wasn’t the same vibe but I’m happy it made it nonetheless

- My mums words “oh my god he’s catching feelings”

- Henry looks so scared whilst Alex pours his heart out :(

- Henry under the water and swimming away :( I would like to write an essay on those 30 seconds

- HENRY I WISH YOU WERE ALLOWED TO BE HAPPY AND IN LOVE THE WHOLE TOME

- Where was Alexs screams outside the palace gates! It needed to be more dramatic

- “Tell me to leave” “don’t make me” sobbing

- Henry is a history nerd and if that isn’t the gay agenda idk what is

- “And we’d dance” Alex said quick let me whip out my phone

- HISTORY HUH

- My mum “He gave him his ring! HE GAVE HIM HIS KEY!”

- Henry’s face after being outed and not being allowed to contact Alex was so painful

- My guy was traumatised and had no real support and both him and Alex were left to face the trauma without each other

- WE HATE MIGUEL I STUDIED JOURNALISM TOO MIGUEL AND YOURE A TWAT

- Also hate Phillip ( wasn’t in the film much but the message stands)

- Trying to explain outing to my mum when my sister lowkey outed me is painful and hurtful

- The phone call 😭😭😭meeting halfway on the stairs 😭😭😭

- STEPHAN FRY he came, he served what he needed to serve and he would have hated this homophobe

- My mum “why did the give Phillip an Evil haircut” me “Phillip is homophobic he deserved to bald”

- The parallel between their first tv interview and them talking with the king

- Is there a chance the king is gay and he had to hide it???? Or is he just like that

- THE PUBLIC SUPPORT

- My mum during the publics pride parade “get out on that balcony, get rid of your title and be happy”

- Mum was very happy he got on the balcony

- Mum was also very concerned where the secret service was everytime they snuck around

- Is it a perfect movie? No Is it everything I wanted? No but almost Do I love it? 100000%

[restforthe-burdenedsoul]

Just here to process per usual. I have my therapy intake on Thursday which will be helpful. There’s probably no order to any of this chaos. Highlighting the basics if anyone wants to read.

We found an apartment with no wait list. They can hold it until March 3rd. I start work March 3rd and M’s jobs opening got pushed back so he won’t be full time until the second week of March. We can’t afford to move in March 3. They need full month rent/admin fees/amenity fee. I think we could come up with the security deposit.

My dad offered to pay it if we pay it back. I should have said no. We have talked about it, M and I. Asking our parents for help. His mom said no. My dad would, but my mom had a complete freak out over it to the point that I wish I had just stopped the conversation. It lifted the rug for all the things we’ve swept away.

Allowing myself to break down a bit right now because I’ve been bottling so much of this. My dad said “you know I completely blame M for this” and a bunch of other comments about M and my ex husband. They hate him so much because he’s trans. And I overheard them talking in the other room “you know by helping her were helping him” and it fucking tears me apart to hear that shit. The very same parents who raised me to love EVERYONE, to not judge anyone, who essentially sculpted me into this compassionate and empathetic person are the same people who have so much hate and judgement in their hearts. They raised me with all these great Christian values but clearly weren’t listening to what they preached. They hate my husband because he’s trans, they hate him because my ex husband was an asshole. My dad said M promised him we’d never be in a situation like this, he’d never ask for money from them. I didn’t know M was a prophet and could tell what was in our future.

It was my idea to ask if we could move in with friends. My idea to apply to a job 2 hours away. My idea to break down the small stability we had. But it felt like we didn’t have a choice. We didn’t know M was gonna get fired. We didn’t know we weren’t gonna find jobs there. We didn’t know he was gonna get faked out by a job. We didn’t know things were gonna be worse.

We tried to talk to his mom about things. That it’s this apartment with no waitlist that needs all the money by March 3 or the other apartments with 3 month long waitlists. We HAVE to be out march 1 for his grandmother. And to stay would be convincing not only his mom, but his aunt who has his grandmother the other half of the week. She already has her own son and two daughter to deal with on top of the grandmother, so I don’t see that happening. I don’t know if theylll reconsider if they’re faced with the hard reality that we will 100% be living out of our car until at least June. Staying at my parents is a no go. All my dad has to say is that this is M’s fault.

We have no where to go. Maybe a shelter. Giving up our dog because of a three month wait list. Which makes me cry all over again. I’ve never bonded so much with a dog before. We lost her once and spent four days on the side of a highway searching for her. To just lose her now? Have her be put down because she’s so scared of people? She’s the most loving and gentle dog I’ve ever had. They’ll euthanize her. We have fucking jobs, we just don’t have anywhere to live.

There’s no more friends to ask either. The relationship with the friend we moved in with blew up. When we moved out, she officially separated from her wife and moved out. We offered to help her move, be a space to vent and process, be an escape from reality. She withdrew from everyone while we still lived there. She had met someone and it was 100% about them. We moved out and kept asking how she was with no answer. Learned from snap chat she had moved out, the new partner helped I guess because all the pics had their dog in it. M finally asked why she wasn’t responding anymkre and she said she was “doing her” and “didn’t have the space” to talk to anyone. And I respect that to an extent. You don’t just drop off the face of the earth when your friends are trying to help support you. She got pissed off and said how she wasn’t putting her emotional stuff on us when we were going through our things. She said she has bigger problems than us and “what issues do you even fuckig have? Not having a job?” So fuck her too. I’m glad my friends are emotionally supportive even when things aren’t good for them.

When I got divorced I left EVERYTHING behind. My life, my job, my friends, my bird. Yes I moved in with my parents and I appreciated their support, but we have a very strained relationship when it all boils down. I was STILL there for my friends and their problems even if they felt smaller than mine.

We left to get out of their way. She said “things happened faster than I wanted to once you left.” First off, they should have had the emotional awareness to tell us they were not stable enough to house us for that period of time. Maybe we shouldn’t have asked at all. I wish we hadn’t. We were both there through their explosive fights. Gave her space to breakdown so she wasn’t alone even though we were also triggered in other ways. We tried everything we could to move out asap after we learned how their relationship really was and we couldn’t get back up on our feet. Now we’re facing legitimate homelessness.

Yes, she lost her toxic wife and any change is stress. But she has a roof over her head, she has all her pets with her, she has a new partner, she still has her job. We. Had. Nothing. Just ourselves and melody and a temporary housing situation with his mother. And now we may be homeless despite having jobs because of stupid waiting lists.

I’m calling the church tmrw to see if they can help at all and around to social services I guess? But like, we have jobs and those jobs are gonna afford us a really nice apartment by mid March so I don’t even know if we’ll qualify for assistance or if that assistance will come fast enough for us to not be on a waitlist somewhere.

I don’t know. My mom doesn’t want to help us financially. His mom doesn’t/can’t help us physically or financially.

I just don’t know where to turn. And Uber is just barely paying our bills. Still haven’t missed one. But there’s no extra 2-3k laying around for us to get this apartment.

So. That’s what’s going on with me right now. Thanks for reading if you do.

[bluejaycarver]

Quietly inhales the scent of him at the shoulder, and exhales between parted lips moments after, as the neutral scent of his soaps and baby shampoo and the clean sweat on his skin sinks into his senses. Billy closes his eyes and presses his cheek to his shoulder blade with his chin tipped down to keep his expression out of view, keeping his hands to himself, for once.

He just needs a moment.

Billy Hargrove was... something else. It was hard to pull away from the way that he made Jason feel secure in himself. They were both in the closet, but they were there together. Somehow next to him, he didn't feel so awful about admiring the cut of his jaw, Billy's sweet pink lips, his mess of curls. Billy was such a hardass to the world that it made Jason feel braver for just knowing him. Billy made him less afraid of wanting to be held. Still, he was afraid sometimes. Still, he would pray.

Lately, his prayers had sounded less like "Forgive me father," and more like: "I don't hate me anymore."

Whether Billy knew it or not, the affection he afforded to Jason had worked like exposure therapy. When the world didn't end while they held hands, he felt like it might. Jason had felt like his chest had gone tight and his mind wouldn't stop saying awful things to him about the damnation of sodomites. But then Billy would look his way with a smile like it was crafted by California sunshine, and Jason would wonder...

If they were all created in the image of the lord, and if love by definition could not be evil, then how could his feelings for Billy be wrong. Billy made him want to think for himself. Made him want to sink into every ounce of comfort. If it was Satan whispering in his ear, then Jason sadly acknowledged that Satan made him love himself more than God ever had. When he had begged god to help him, the heavens remained silent. It was like God had looked away from the sins that took place under the roof of his home. But it was a boy named Billy Hargrove that had held his broken pieces and whispered:

It’s okay to be afraid, you know. Everyone gets scared sometimes, but— look at me, okay? There’s nothing that you can’t do. Nothing you can’t conquer. I want you to be brave with me. Look that fear in the face and tell it to move. Make it get out of your way. Plant your feet, Bluejay, and remember, I’ve got your back.

Jason turned in Billy's arms and wrapped his arms up around his ribs to squeeze him close. Whatever Billy was going through, whatever made this man choose him, it was worth whatever damnation waited for him. Billy was worth it.

@kinghaargrove

[artificialqueens]

Parenthood (Anetra x Sasha Colby) - Writworm42

A/N: now that I Cannot be Stopped, another drabble coming at y'all!! Thanks to Holtz & Athena for encouraging me to post, even though there isn’t a lot of “pure romance” in this one. If any PECS users have feedback for me re: how I’ve written it, please let me know–I based it off of the two PECS users I worked with, but they were both at the beginning stages of learning how to use it so I don’t know if I got the picture of a more advanced user right.

The rain comes down hard on Anetra and Sasha as they run up to the therapy centre’s door, Anetra internally kicking herself for forgetting to bring an umbrella. They had been lucky enough to find a parking spot close to the centre, but it didn’t really make much of a difference–by the time Anetra throws open the front door, she and Sasha are both soaked and shivering, and Anetra can feel her makeup running a little.

She’d forgotten setting spray too, apparently.

Sighing heavily, she gives herself a little shake and kicks some of the water off her boots before trudging over to the front desk, mustering up a smile to give the office manager as she says, “Hey, Marcia. We’re here to pick up–”

The patter of little feet cuts her off, and Marcia just grins as a little brunette bullet smacks right into Anetra, attaching herself to her mother’s leg.

“Hi, baby,” Anetra smiles, reaching down to pat her daughter’s head. Her daughter reacts with a warm hum as she sways back and forth, each leg kicking up in the air in turn and practically taking Anetra with her.

“Camp wrapped a bit early today because of the rain,” Marcia explains, watching the little girl with a warm smile on her face.

“It’s too bad, huh?” Sasha sighs, coming up beside Anetra and patting their daughter’s head in turn, extending her hands for the girl to grab and swinging them back and forth to match her rocking pattern. “I know Lily was really looking forward to kickball today, it was all she’d talk about in the car over.”

Lily pipes up at the mention of her favourite sport, smiling widely.

“Kickball!” she repeats enthusiastically, bouncing a bit on her toes. “Kickball!”

“Oh, I know,” Marcia laughs. “She broke into the supply closet and found some of the balls, actually. Never seen such a chaotic game of dodgeball before, but it was pretty funny–”

“That’s ‘cause you ain’t take a ball to the boob,” Salina, the clinic’s occupational therapist and self-appointed head counsellor, snorts as she comes up behind Marcia to greet Sasha and Anetra, Lily’s iPad in hand. “She does got some pretty strong legs, though. Here you go, kiddo,” she adds as she extends Lily’s iPad out toward the little girl, “Can you take your iPad back?”

Lily grabs the device and signs a quick thank-you, grinning as she scans the ‘favourite words’ page of her PECS app.

“Play.” a little girl’s voice repeats. “I want play. I want. I want. I want–”

“Aw, I’m sorry, honey, but camp’s over,” Sasha sighs. “We can play at home, though, does that sound good?”

“Yes,” Lily’s app chimes.

“Alright, baby. Can I have your iPad? We need to put it in your backpack so the rain doesn’t hurt it.”

Lily looks a little skeptical, hugging the iPad a little closer to her chest in a way that sets off a pang of sympathy in Anetra’s chest. She hates the idea of taking away her daughter’s words, even for a second. It reminds her too much of the times before the therapy team came into their lives, when she had to watch Lily struggle to be understood and she and Sasha were overwhelmed with the ways Lily was trying her best to communicate when she had no options presented to her. Who would have thought giving her something as simple as an app and a handful of signs would be such a game-changer?

“Sash, maybe we can just–”

“She already dropped it into a puddle once, Neech,” Sasha sighs. “We can’t afford another replacement.”

Anetra knows her wife is right, so she swallows her apprehension. At least the car isn’t too far–Lily will have her voice back in less than a minute if they run. Which they do.

“So sweetie, tell us more about camp today,” Sasha glances into the rearview mirror and smiles as they begin to pull out of the parking lot, “What did you all do?”

Lily lights up and grins, her fingers already poised to talk.

[astranva]

Okay so I read the shit out of your planet evans fic and here are few things I want to say if you don’t mind:

GURL WOW. LIKE YOU DID THAT. YOU ATE THAT SHIT UP SOOOO GOOOD OMFG THIS IS THE BEST THING IVE EVER READ AND YALL CAN COUNT ME IN AS PE!READERS NUMBER 1 FAN. FUCK CHRIS EVANS.

Lol sorry but literally so we’ll written. I love how pe!reader is such an complex character, like she has such an interesting depth. Her past and her work ethic makes her more than just an actress in the industry, she is literally a role model and wants to pave the way for all the young girls. I also love how she show that she actually went to therapy ( Chris hon yes this is for you it’s never too late to go to therapy) by her anders and how she handles things. Like in that fic scared? I guess when they were fighting she didn’t jump him and did nasty things no the bitch wanted to talk it out and be adults. This is so relieving to read bc not everything is about sex in life. Like sometimes people want to be heard or there are people that would gladly listen to you, it’s about finding those right people.

Im also obsessed with pe!readers style sooo much. It’s giving very much ‘yes I have money and I use it like how it should’ and I love that. I also see her wear a dress one of her fans drew for her on a red carpet bc my girl would totally do that and support us girlies. Pe!reader would totally go to war for her fans and interact with them as much as she could ( cuz I imagine doing the same when I’m a celebrity lol🤭) but yeah.

My girl is also a directorrrrr heyyyy I love that so fucking much. Lady Bird is my baby and the fact she directed nova you get extra point for that.

I also went trough the tags and I ADORE you for not giving pe!reader a faceclaim. Like iconic behavior idc. BUT I saw that most of your babes are claiming Hande Ercel as the faceclaim and YOU GIRLS HAVE TASTEEEE. I met her once when she came to Dubai bc she was the ambassador for a jewelry line and her face was on the burj Khalifa. ICONICCCC sis she is so prettier in real life I wanted to squeeze her so bad but I can’t afford a lawsuit so I sticked with the hug lol but anyways y’all did your research bc Hande Ercel is pe!reader energy.

Sorry for this lil rant but I felt like I owed this to you after I read the shit out of your fics. And the reason I didn’t like them is bc you said you hated spam likes so I’m trying to respect you and I will start reblogging them once I got this whole tumblr shit figured out cuz your girl is starting over.

So yea btw you’re my bestie now and idc what anyone else says

you’re so sweet for that feedback 🥹

i’m very very happy that you’re enjoying the fic and pe!reader, she’s my baby 🫶 i hope you stick around with us!

aw you’re not the first to say they’ve met hands and that she was sweet. makes me happy because a lot of times my anons want to see her as a face claim and i like giving them that every once in a while 🫶

thank you for not spam liking!!!!!!!

ofc xxx

[gynandromorph]

i guess it’s time for a new year retrospective thing since it’s almost a new year

this year sucked and not even in like a notably bad way, it’s just one big haze of nothing where nothing matters and nothing has any meaning because there’s literally no break in between all the stress. groceries are as expensive as ever and they’re just gonna stay that way forever while the cost of living limit for welfare stays the same so now i’m stuck between being unable to afford food AND having no healthcare. mawkish continues to get older and she has more health issues. it takes up an unspeakable amount of my time and money, but she’s happy and not declining right now. every time she skips physical therapy for her arthritis due to a cancellation i can see how it affects her, though, so i don’t know if i’ll be able to cut costs there. a lot of this is about money, huh? i just feel like i can’t even DO anything without it. i can just Be At Home which just makes me feel like a wild animal pacing in a cage. i’ve been single for a while now and i’m REALLY feeling it and i know it’s partially my fault for not wanting covid more than not wanting to be lonely but like what the fuck would i do if i put myself out there huh? tell some girl i don’t have enough money to buy lunch or a coffee so we’ll have to just sit outside at a park? yeah i’ve sat outside at parks to meet and chat with people but as like a first impression it’s not great!!!

and my art has gotten worse, of course. it’s stiffer, and i feel on edge because my hand is either always on the cusp of hurting again or it IS hurting again. i’ve gotten it back to normal again, and then i slack off on my exercises and we’re back to square 3 (i haven’t gotten so bad that i go back to square 1) because the exercises themselves are wildly time-consuming and god knows if there’s anything i don’t have enough of it’s time. i hate the tablet i’m using and i can’t even find the old ones i brought with me because of the move, but even then they’re very small and that’s why i like them and it’s also why i hurt my hand in the first place. still, the curves this tablet makes are just not the same, there’s tons of issues with it that aren’t technically issues but certainly things that impact how the art comes out and how much i enjoy making it. not really related but about a week into the new year i’ll be getting a new computer, also, and a new desk chair, since both of those are fucking falling apart. i want to do other things that i’m not going to say here because if there’s one way to make sure you never ever do a project it’s just announcing it publicly before you’ve done literally any of the work. still, we’ll see if anything changes. it feels like it won’t simply because my brain is too depressed to do anything anymore and even when i do do the thing it turns out like shit or i don’t retain it at all. these are at least things that will not require the intense use of my dominant hand.

oh and the last huge negative is i just have like functionally no religious community now because this friend i made at my last synagogue was a great friend!!!!! super friendly!!!!!!!!!!! too friendly in fact!!!!!!!!!!! and i tried reasserting that i was not interested in a relationship multiple times, i tried tolerating advances i wasn’t going to reciprocate and it just kept getting more physical, eventually i decided to get my rabbi there involved and i gotta say the response i got was disappointing at best!!!!!! this was maybe like november 2021 but it’s literally functionally cut me off from that community altogether here because i wasn’t thrilled about the drop in covid protocols and i’m certainly not more enthusiastic now that i’ve been sexually harassed just to have it brushed under the rug knowing this is an all too common reaction for jewish authorities to have!!! i literally feel like i can’t say anymore about it besides that but hey it kinda sucks!!!!!!!

that’s it dude, that’s all, i started a new comic way later than i should have but i did start it, and i’m living somewhere that kind of sucks the soul out of me but i won’t be investing a lot of time and money into a move this year not only because it’s tolerably under my sister and her husband’s roof instead of my mom’s but because rent is too fucking high for me to jump ship too. sure hope 2023 is a great year cuz it’s the last one i’ll have as a 20-something and the bar is certainly low after this one, i can’t even be more thoughtful or humble about this retrospective, i’m so tired of feeling like shit and having functionally no way to fix most of these problems

[slayolay]

Life Goes On

November 24th, 2022

5 years since i’ve forgotten that I have a tumblr acc, I’m back.

I just remember that I have this acc 10 mins ago when I needed to vent about how my mom got mad at me for not lending her money to buy her stuff for when she travel tomorrow, well I do have friends that I can talk to about this but they’re busy and I don’t want to bother them. And my therapist told me to write a journal about my day or how i feel, but as much as i like to write on my book i don’t want people at my house found out about it. So the next best place to do that is tumblr, since no one irl knows me here, and i know that the people that follows me don’t use their acc anymore.

Lets start with how my day started.

I woke up at 8 feeling anxious as usual because i should’ve text my advisor to talk about my thesis but i’m to afraid and very anxious about it. Why? because i really hate doing it, if there’s any way i can do to avoid it then i’ll fucking do it, i don’t know why i hate it so much but i really don’t wanna do it. I know that i should, people in my year have already finished theirs, but i haven’t and i hate myself for that. But i just can’t bring myself to do it. Guess i’ll just do it tomorrow, lets see.

I’ve been having mixed feeling this past month. Anxiety, fear, excitement, numb, sad, confused, all sorts of things. I can’t explain it and it’s been bugging me so much. I wish i still have my meds and could afford to go to therapy again.

The day went buy just like that. Until tonight my mom ask me if she can lend me money to buy some stuff for her travel tomorrow. Money has always been an issue for us and it’s really tight these days. I do have a bit left but i don’t really want to spend it unless it’s emergency. I didn’t give her an answer the first time. Then a few mins later when i’m about to go out to buy dinner she asked again. I don’t really want to lend her some because she rarely pay me back eventhough i needed the money and have never asked her for money if i want to buy something for myself and i’ve been the one that paid the bills this month. But i’m still trying to be a good child so i said i’d lend her half the amount she asked. Then suddenly she got mad. And when i tell her the reason why i can’t give her the full amount she yelled at me to shut up and don’t want to hear me talk. Man  i was baffled, felt mad and upset at the same time. Then i went to out to buy food and cried on the way because i’m that kind of person that cries when something upset me. Then it got me thinking, was i selfish for not lending her money? am i really that weak for crying? is she really mad at me? am i a bad child?. All sorts of thought came into me, and its not the good kind. And now i don’t know what to do. She’s at the kitchen now and i’m here in the bedroom where me and her share a bed. 

With the feelings i’ve been having these days, and the situation i’m having, disappearing into thin air or be dead doesn’t sound too bad right now haha.

Anyway despite what happened, thank you for staying alive. You did great today:)

Song recommendation

Langit Abu-Abu by Tulus

https://open.spotify.com/track/2FaquTc3FYvNm7RuO1gD6O?si=dd2af22eac3f4688