docray1312 - Tumblr blog

[docray1312]

Why Driving Haunts Me

so i was having a conversation with my fiancé about our future and it may be tough and bad to say but she wants me to get my license she has hers but i dont have mine there's an interesting story about that.

 first of all in Highschool i was required to take a course about driving . and i did take there classes from written study to actually behind the wheel .   i was pretty good at what i did during the entire course . i had a learners permit and got chances to drive the school car which i think was a Chevrolet Malibu . i was doing great on it the instructor asked me to also practice on my family’s car. my grandma at the time had a 2001 Pontiac grand am coup . it was very easy to drive and easy to handle . the problem is i had to always beg her to take me out to drive, most of the time she refused to let me drive  i dont know why but she never gave me any time to practice . my dads friend let me drive at night when the opportunity arrived . she was set to buy herself a new car and i was going to have hers as my own . i was so excited to finally drive  however theres a sad story comming 

 once i was ready  to take my test my familys car stopped working  . a flood basicly totaled my car i was going to have and she refused to let me take her new car for the test. this bummed me out immensely. years past and i havent drove . one day my uncle at the time told me to get ready for my drivers test out of nowhere . i asked to practice first he said no . my problem is i had experience with the car back in highschool as it was the same make and model of the car . but because of times i wasnt driving i completely forgot how to handle the car.  i go into my drivers behind the wheel test and it basicly felt like my first time driving the  car like it was the first time behind the wheel in highschool . it was so embarrassing. as i didnt even get out of the parking lot . and failed. my uncle laughed and my grandma was embarrassed too . that was basicly the last time i drove a car . it shoken me to my core . i am soo ashamed that my parents let alone my grandmother never gave me the chance to go on the road . it haunts me to this very day . flash backs of the shear embarrassment. and sorrow and neglect i was given .  in order to me to even try again i need a friend willing to lend me a car to practice . learners permit and everything . the problem is no one is willing to do that for me . my girl has a license but only that . 

 just like my story her mom refuses to let her drive her car even thought she has experience .  

plus she cant afford to own a car and she wants me to have one and a license

sure i know it would be better and more freedom but at what cost ?  first of all cars are expensive . second to even own a car i need a license . pay to insurance . plate stickers and more .   i will be honest and im saying this honestly

im better off not driving . i cannot afford it . and i dont want to in general. i rather bike and take transit everywhere as its much more affordable and less risky. i hope she understands my story more clearer now .    i hope she still loves me unconditionally.  

[docray1312]

I have been deep in hobbies and one was pretty costly people think i was in too deep or i were to become a person im not but i developed a limit on things which makes me more in control i wish i could say the same for some people my certan consumption is moderate so it dosent control me. It can trap people real quick real easy . i plead those who drink. Please drink responsible . dont get over indulge into mixes of spirits . it will control you. Just ask my father . almost took his life away . i plead to my s.o.

[docray1312]

I do give my all for someone . im a giver so to speak. Even if in the end i feel i bit off too much i can chew . my philosophy is if you give to those in need give will come back later . but when i give i expect respectful handling in what i give. If i find out that it wasnt used for good i do get upset cause i wasted a give for good . ill stay silent and patient to see if it changes from bad to good . most of the time it doesn't but i still have yet to find that become reality

[docray1312]

I have been mia on tumblr for a long time but i do have somthing outside of social media . my friends and my wonderful fiance . shes perfect in my eyes i try my best to be her very best . i show my love in different ways. Before ive been down a bad path and almost ruined everything. I show my emotions in silence but my heart yells feelings. People may not see it. If they dont truly understand me . i may come out hard headed or silent but if they get me my heart tells a story and only communication is translated by annother soul luckly i have my translator

[docray1312]

Cyberpunk 2077 | Photomode 131 / ∞

[docray1312]

One thing I dont get..

If cigarettes kill then why do they sell them? If weed is medicinal then why do they confiscate it? If alcohol is toxic then why do they sell it? If drugs are a way of easy money then why do they take the risk ruining someones life? If vaping is only water vapor then why do they enforce it like a cig? If countries fight for natural resources then why dont they find a better alternative? If health is important then why charge for treatment? Money Money is the root to all evil

[docray1312]

Ever felt like you let the wrong person go .... I have  its not good to leave somone you truly love

[docray1312]

[docray1312]

[docray1312]

[docray1312]

[docray1312]

[docray1312]

[docray1312]

[docray1312]

[docray1312]

[docray1312]