#hat club exclusive

[cnotes7180]

UNBOXING HAT CLUB MYSTERY BOX

[brian-in-finance]

Video 📹 from Instagram

Remember when Marsali left Fergus and the weans at home and joined her ma at the Celia Kritharioti at Harrods Exclusive Launch Party?

[gijoe-forever]

A rare Gijoe club steel brigade cap available by mail in 1987

[ragsy]

OC doodle of ixen for @aspharon

[sunsetkerr]

THE TRADE | s.kerr

summary: as your afl season ends, your contract is up- leaving you, the hottest player in the aflw, up for grabs.

pairing: aflw!reader x sam kerr

notes: part one here!

yourinstagram

liked by samanthakerr20, crowsaflw and 18,398 others yourinstagram our third flag, so proud to have spent the last five years with this team. ytfg 💪💪

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samanthakerr20 the only time I will accept you not wearing a west coast guernsey is now ❤️❤️ so proud, go the crows!! ↳ yourinstagram screenshotting this and sending it to west coast right now

crowsaflw we love you #1 ↳ yourinstagram ❤️

user no because im so happy

user they need to resign her ↳ user shes a free agent, meaning whoever bids the most is most likely where she will go ↳ user she can't leave the crows 💔

alannakennedy casually winning flags ↳ yourinstagram its a constant tbh

alexchidiac10 loving the hat in the second pic ↳ yourinstagram its sam's dads 💪 ↳ samanthakerr20 roger was robbed

aflwupdates

liked by user, caitlinfoord and 7,281 others aflwupdates BREAKING NEWS: Adelaide Crows star, Y/N L/N, is officially a free agent. After winning her 3rd flag with the southern club, L/N's contract has not been renewed and she is rumoured to be looking for a new club. It is unknown whether Adelaide is negotiating a new contract with their star forward.

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user im losing it, she can't leave ↳ user I wouldn't be surprised, she doesn't live in Adelaide so it might be easier to go to a club closer to home ↳ user where does she live? ↳ user y/n has a home in perth with her wife sam and their daughter, but flies between perth, adelaide and london (where sam and y/n also have a house) for sam's football

caitlinfoord sick pic though @yourinstagram ↳ yourinstagram ffs caitlin ↳ user caitlin can't resist putting her foot in it 😭 ↳ yourinstagram literally this is my life, come get your dog please @mackenziearnold @alannakennedy

yourinstagram

liked by samanthakerr20, maryfowlerrr and 26,387 others yourinstagram in the off season we party (tillies style)

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mackenziearnold matildas 🤝 the crows ↳ yourinstagram party animals

user SAM AND Y/N HAVE MATCHING TATTOOS??? ↳ samanthakerr20 disgusting really

user seeing the girls let their hair down is so refreshing

user y/n looks in no condition to have caitlin foord on her shoulders, that is one expensive woman y/n- don't drop her please ↳ yourinstagram if I did it wouldn't be an accident

matildas see you at training tomorrow morning ladies!! ↳ maryfowlerrr I can't go out.. I'm sick

samanthakerr20 you little rager, you look so good in that shirt ↳ yourinstagram its 100% off (a sam kerr exclusive discount) ↳ samanthakerr20 🤤🤤🤤🤤🤤🤤🤤

user we are all freaking out about her trade and she's out here getting off her face with her wife's team mates 😭😭

crowsaflw

liked by yourinstagram, samanthakerr20 and 9,290 others crowsaflw it is with great sorrow we announce the departure of our superstar y/n l/n. five long years with the best, she will be missed on and off the field. truly a force to be reckoned with ❤️ we will miss you, forever our #1.

samanthakerr20

liked by yourinstagram, amysayer_ and 739,298 others samanthakerr20 she's off to continue to do great things ❤️ proud.

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user its so weird seeing them all lovey and not all I hate you ↳ yourinstagram dont worry its weird for me too

crowsaflw our girl! ↳ user but like.. not anymore... ↳ user too soon

kyracooneyx my lord and saviour ↳ charlotte_grant all hail mrs l/n-kerr

samanthakerr20 realising this photo kinda makes it look like you're dead xx ↳ yourinstagram sometimes when im with you I wish I was xxxxxx

yourinstagram

liked by samanthakerr20, aflw and 18,388 others yourinstagram the new diggs

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user STOP ITS OPTUS, SHE'S GONE TO WA

user omg shes going to west coast or freo

optusstadium so happy to have you!

samanthakerr20 who says diggs? ↳ yourinstagram literally shut the fuck up

mackenziearnold physically cannot sit still right now ↳ yourinstagram right now or ever?

user y/n literally tell us, tell us right now

westcoastaflw

liked by samanathakerr20, yourinstagram and 11,938 others westcoastaflw welcoming our new #1!! @yourinstagram blue and gold looks very good on you, don't you agree @samanthakerr20?

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samanthakerr20 DAMNNNNNN 🤤🤤🤤🤤🤤

samanthakerr20 can finally watch one of your games without wanting to vomit looking at your guernsey 🤤🤤🤤🤤 ↳ yourinstagram 💙💛

user I cannot breathe

user sam got what she wanted 😭😭 ↳ yourinstagram she always does unfortunately

roxykerr20 thank goodness we didn't invest in any crows merchandise 😂 ↳ yourinstagram you never would roxy 😌 I did this solely for you and roger ↳ samanthakerr20 I'll just jump off a cliff then x love you babe

[mitch-the-silly]

Hi hi hi hi hi big fan of your writing :3 do ya think you can do a vox x female reader when their out in public and some ones hits on reader??? *Disclaimer* I luv u (platonically)

Omg I love this idea and I love you too (platonically as well)!! Vox is my bbg and any idea to get me writing for him is literal heaven-

Anyway, he's a bit of a Yandere, I just know it!!! So here!

Vox x fem!reader

Oneshot!

"Aggro of a Bleeding Heart"

It was rare when you and Vox decided to roam Petagram City. The amount of low-class sinners that also roamed the place made it unsafe not just because of the extreme classicism the Vees believed in, but because crime was as high as you’d expect a city in Hell to be. Of course, today was an exception because you two were on your way to an exclusive club and you just refused to drive to a place so nearby.

So when you arrived at this club, he chose a table for the both of you and got up to greet some fellow overlords. You simply sat there, fancy purse in hand as you patiently waited for your Vox. You were always well-dressed and put together. It was one of the many benefits of being an Overlord’s girlfriend. A particular piece of your outfit that you always flaunted was a huge “V” shaped broach he’d given you. His hat logo atop of the letter. Some people commented on it seeming like him taking ownership of you (which might be true deep down within Vox’s heart) but truth be told, to you, it was a symbol of how close he was to your heart.

Now, needless to say, looking that pretty attracted men to you. All of which you rejected immediately. But rejection didn’t stop men at times. As was the case with the sinner who was flirting with you right now.

“Come on babe~ He probably doesn’t even pay attention to you~ And he definitely doesn’t please you.” The sinner smirked, pointing at your broach.

You made a face of slight disgust at him, “You don’t know anything about me, ok?” You huffed, undignified.

“Oh, I but I bet he doesn’t treat you right. Come on…~ Ditch that flat screen bastard. C’mon, you know you wanna…~” He insisted. You shook your head, suddenly noticing a figure behind him. Good, this would be over soon.

"I already told you, I'm not interested." You scoffed.

Behind him stood Vox, electricity cracking behind him and fangs out like a bloodthirsty animal. He was beyond protective of you and upon seeing another man speaking to you while you tried to move away from him, he knew he had to jump in.

“Í̷̬s̶̨͂ ̶̟͆ḧ̴̖e̸͆͜ ̷̯̊b̷̗̄o̶̡̐ẗ̴̮́ẖ̸͗ȩ̴͝r̶̢̃ǐ̵͍n̵̡͗g̶̗̈ ̸͍͠y̴͜͝ỏ̴͖ű̷̩,̸̞̒ ̶̦͋b̸̼̿ǎ̶̢ḅ̴͆y̷͖͝?̶̭̇ ” He asked, unable to keep his voice normal. The glitching being a sign of his agitation. He wanted to murder the man in front of him, strangle him with his bare hands, but he couldn’t. He would not dare cause that big of a scene.

“I already told him that I wasn't interested in him.” You sighed, simply annoyed by the stranger’s persistence.

That stranger turned quickly, and once he saw Vox behind him, attempted to scurry away from the situation. However, Vox swiftly appeared in front of him, grabbing the man by the collar.

“Y̵o̷u̴'̷r̶e̴ ̵p̷r̶e̶t̶t̸y̴ ̶f̶u̷c̶k̸i̶n̵g̵ ̶b̵o̷l̴d̸,̸ ̶a̸r̴e̴n̴'̶t̵ ̶y̷o̷u̸?̴ ̷T̴a̸l̴k̵i̶n̶g̵ ̸t̸o̵ ̸m̴y̵ ̴g̵i̸r̵l̴ ̷t̸h̵a̷t̶ ̶w̷a̴y̶.̷.̶.̸ ” Vox hissed, still crackling in pure rage. “I̶ ̷h̴e̸a̷r̴d̸ ̶a̷l̷l̵ ̴t̷h̴e̸ ̷s̵h̷i̸t̶ ̷y̴o̶u̸ ̷w̶e̴r̴e̴ ̴t̴e̵l̴l̴i̴n̶g̷ ̶h̷e̷r̸.̷ ̴Y̸o̵u̴ ̸t̶h̷i̴n̶k̵ ̸I̷ ̶c̵a̵n̸'̶t̴ ̶p̸l̶e̸a̸s̴e̶ ̷m̸y̸ ̸o̷w̴n̸ ̸w̶o̷m̴a̵n̷?̵ ” Vox added. His voice shaking as much as his hands. He looked like a rabid dog and it was… kind of hot to you.

“N-no, s-sir!” The man stuttered.

“It’s not what I heard you say, you u̸g̸l̸y̷ ̶f̵u̷c̷k̴i̵n̴g̵ ̷s̵l̷u̴g̴… I’ll give you two minutes to leave the vicinity before I b̴l̷o̸w̷ ̶y̵o̴u̶r̴ ̸f̸u̴c̶k̸i̶n̵g̶ ̴b̵r̶a̷i̴n̴s̸ ̴o̵u̸t̷ ̶w̵i̵t̵h̸ ̶a̷ ̸C̶r̶a̵m̵i̴n̶e̶.̴.̴.̸ ” He threatened. Oh, and he was very much capable of this. Shooting a sinner with an authentic Carmine weapon was something he’d proved he wasn’t above doing when it came to your safety or his jealousy, for that matter. And unlike regular gunshots, there was no coming back from a fatal shot from a Carmine weapon. If you were killed by it, you were fucked. Gone into oblivion.

“Y-yes sir!” The sinner stuttered. Vox let go of his collar and the puny man that had flirted with you a few minutes ago was now stumbling over himself trying to leave the club.

Vox shuddered, calming down and sitting next to you. He wrapped his arm around your shoulders and pulled you closer towards him. “Fuck… I hate the fucking scum we live amongst. I’m not leaving you alone on a night out ever again, I’m… sorry about that bastard.”

“It ok Voxxie, it was kinda hot… what you did, you know?” You chuckled slightly.

“Yeah? You like it when I get all jealous over you?” He smirked, letting out a breathy chuckle.

“Yeah, I like it when you get all glitchy and crackly. It’s kinda cute...” You giggled.

“I should do it more often, then~.” He chuckled, planting a peck on your lips.

You kissed his screen and chuckled, "You should, it suits you a lot~" You cooed, placing a hand on his chest.

Vox let out another chuckle, "Well, good to know. Now I know how to win you over when you're being a brat."

"Hush, you! We're in public!" You protested, embarrassed that he'd say that out loud, but finding it kind of funny.

"Who said I meant it that way. Get your mind out of the gutter, baby~" He teased, holding your waist.

"I fucking hate you." You joked.

"Oh, you love me~" He retorted with a cocky laugh.

[celestial-letters]

and the crowd went mild 🔥🔥🔥🔥🔥🔥 also no chara dividers im lazy rn

these r so short id add more but im rushing rn sorry lmfao 😭😭😭

intended lowercase!

misc. obm hcs

LUCIFER

wakes up at the ass crack of dawn every single morning.

wears those old man pjs. with the long hat and fuzzy slippers and gown. you know the one.

most bitter coffee you've ever had in your life how he can drink it is astonishing.

his bed, his mattress, his pillows are all as hard as rock how does this man SLEEP.

sleeps like hes the corpse at the funeral hes that one image

MAMMON

will pull you into a headlock and call it a hug.

LEVIATHAN

guy who had mountain dew and cheeto dust in his veins instead of blood. guy who marinates in his room for two months straight. guy who- (i am immediately shot dead).

did a collab with the anti-lucifer league to create a 100k words dialuci fic to piss off lucifer (dont worry about him he got paid in anime and tsl merch).

TRULY believes he is the #1 tsl fan. and also #1 ruri fan.

wimp who VOLUNTARILY makes you cosplays if you are a cosplayer or even if you aren't. it will happen.

vtuber fan. he was like "hey i wanna be a streamer but i dont wanna show my face but i also want to be an anime boy! wait-" and now hes a vtuber.

has accidentally referred to all of his brothers as "chat" at least once. hes never recovering from that btw.

SATAN

cannot stop annotating books he reads for the life of him.

all of his books are just filled to the brim with sticky notes because all he does is annotate.

once he has a crush he will start imagining him and them in the same scenarios as the characters in romance novels he read. (loser alert!!)

sneaking a new cat into hol like once a week (he never succeeds btw).

ASMODEUS

oh boy his room REEKS of perfume and body spray.

"i sprayed my new perfume in every nook and cranny! smells so floral and elegant, don't you think?" (it smells like a bath and body works threw up.)

surprisingly plays the trumpet and BOY is he loud. bro is absolutely blasting those notes.

worst driver ever btw.

BEELZEBUB

freckles all over!! like a lot. *im not beating the insane allegations*

ate like 27 family size dorito bags, 30 dollars worth of taco bell, and four sprites in one sitting and he still hasnt recovered.

sleeps. like a lot. not as much as belphie but enough to be considered an eepy guy.

BELPHEGOR

will randomly grab every blanket and pillow he can get his hands on and make a nest in the common room if he's up to it. and then have everyone make a dog pile in it just so they can hang out and be silly.

will NOT clean it up afterwards. lucifer will tell him to and his only response will be "im tired..."

freckles like beel too i think theyre silly.

9829364 cow plushies. (theyre all from lucifer)

SOLOMON

will randomly gaslight people for no reason

"hey did you do the homework"

homework? what homework? there was homework? my, what even is homework? never heard of that.

"hey, i heard of this animal from the human world called a giraffe! can i see a picture?"

what? what's a giraffe? oh, those!! yeah, they're just myths. they're not real. purely fiction!!

yk that one post about tumblr funnyman solomon. he is a tumblr funnyman to me. he confidently posts his exploded spaghetti and gets 10k notes i think.

SIMEON

has a book club with satan and solomon. :)

probably writes oneshots of the brothers on tumblr idfk man (sorry to the simeon fans i write like nothing on this guy bro).

LUKE

bodily six ("but didnt the devs say hes ten?" shut up. /j)

along with that, also shorter than in canon. (since hes. yk. a first grader. that BOY is not five foot hes one sauce packet long dude.)

favorite store in the human world is walmart. i like to think his human world outfit is all exclusively from walmart bc thats funny i think.

DIAVOLO

hands of STEEL. he tries to grab your wrist and he nearly crushes it by accident.

ice cream!! he loves it :) his favorite is strawberry btw.

also this boy is NOT a himbo hes a smart man.

needs like a hug and some sleep and also a friend this boy works too much!!

BARBATOS

short. like really short. especially according to devildom standards since most demons are super tall.

"but isn't he six feet?" not in my heart.

somehow always making tea for some reason?? if he's not making tea then he's making pastries.

my boy does not SLEEP. hasn't slept since the sun has been birthed and doesn't plan on ever doing it.

[thisismeracing]

LANDO NORRIS MASTERLIST

✦ LANDO NORRIS ▶ L4

All my Lando's posts here

▸ main masterlist | patreon guide ▸ taglist ▸ who I write for & guidelines ▸ subscribe to Patreon for exclusive content ▸ tip me on ko-fi

KEYS: s: smut f: fluff a: angst ✷: Patreon exclusive

― ✦ SOCIAL MEDIA AU

soccer fan (f): When Lando suddenly begins showing interest in a Brazilian soccer club fans start to wonder exactly how he came to like that particular team.

best believe I'm still bejeweled (f): When your boyfriend fumbles your relationship you best remind him you still bejeweled.

medusa: The one where Lando’s burner account gets exposed, and the internet goes crazy with how funny (or dirty) he could be.

― ✦ BLURBS

New girl

Santa tell me

We can't be friends

― ✦ REGULAR IMAGINES

pretty liar (f/s)✷: Ever since Lando was a kid he knew his future would bring fame somehow, always involved with racing and having just what it needed to become a Formula 1 driver, he was happy with everything it entailed, up until said future became his present and he realized there was also a rough side to the fame. That’s why, when he found you – someone who had no idea who he was, he kept his career from you. He would tell you, and he would eventually clarify the situation, he had it all planned, however, all it took was one week. One week for you to discover that what you thought started as a beautiful story, was actually a perfectly told lie. Lando was pretty, but he was also a liar. Now he had to find a way to explain everything, and you had to find it in you to forgive him.

slow down (f)✷: After a stressful day at work, all you feel like doing is lying in bed and feeling sorry for yourself, but your boyfriend is home and he’ll make sure you slow down, rest, and enjoy the rest of the night.

You wear the hat (s)✷: During the celebration of Lando’s podium, someone decides to be a little too friendly with the congratulations. You wouldn’t let slip the opportunity of reminding them that he’s your boyfriend even if it meant getting too handsy in public. As the saying goes, it is always good to save a horse in favor of riding a cowboy – especially if that cowboy is Lando Norris.

― ✦ HEADCANONS

♡ soon

©thisismeracing do not copy, steal, or translate my work. do not repost on a different media platform.

[hischierdevils]

Uh-Oh Pt 2 | J.H.

note: I wrote this and re-wrote this at least three times. I’m still not happy with it but you guys have been waiting so here you go :)

summary: the highly requested part two to Uh-Oh. You can read part one here. 

warnings: explicit content, semi-public sex & unprotected sex

wc: 3.2K

Jack drops you off at your apartment the next morning like he said he would. When he leans in to kiss you goodbye, you turn your head giving him your cheek. “Y/n, don’t be like this.” He pouts as you reach for the door handle. 

“I don’t want to do this anymore, Jack.” Your heart is heavy as you say it but you know you need to. “I’m tired of the back and forth.” 

“I told you from the beginning that we couldn’t be anything more.” His voice cracks as he watches you but you refuse to look him in the eye. 

“I know you did.” You confirm as your eyes sting with unshed tears. “I know i’m the one who fucked up and caught feelings but I can’t keep sleeping with you and pretending I don’t want more.” 

“Y/n…” 

You shake your head as he reaches for you and his hands stop in mid air. “Please, don’t.” He always convinces you to come back to his bed. He’s your kryptonite and you know you’ll give in again if he touches you. 

“So, what? We’re done?” It surprises you how quickly his voice turns to anger. “You’re going to fuck other guys now?” 

“Haven’t I been free to fuck other guys this whole time?” You question his logic. He told you from the beginning that it was just sex between the two of you, that you weren’t exclusive. 

Jack practically growls. “Have you?” 

Shaking your head, you finally open the car door. “Goodbye, Jack.” It feels final as you walk away from him and you hold your tears in until you make it to your room. 

Feel your eyes watchin' me So I'm movin' on him just so you can see Told you I was gonna get you right back Oh, you don't really like that?

Avoiding Jack is easy considering he left for a nine day road trip the day after you told him you were done. He’s texted you a couple times but you’ve deleted the messages before you could read them. Your friends try to distract you, taking turns keeping you occupied so you don’t have time to think about Jack.

He calls you the day he lands back in New Jersey but you send him to voicemail, not wanting to hear his voice. He then texts you, offering you tickets to his home game that night. You almost reply before your friend takes your phone. Your friends decide to take you to your favorite club for a girls night, telling you that you need to get back out there. 

You sit in a booth sipping on your drink as you constantly check the score of the game. Jack played well, getting two goals and an assist but the Devils ultimately lost in overtime. You smile to yourself, knowing that Jack likes to go home alone after a loss and lick his wounds. If they had won, you would’ve been questioning all night if he had taken another girl home. 

“Y/n, that guy has been eyeing you all night.” Your friend gets your attention a little while later, tilting her head toward the tall blonde man on the dance floor that keeps glancing over at you. 

“He’s not my type.” You shrug, turning your attention back to your drink. You grudgingly joined your friends on the dance floor but have yet to actually start dancing. 

“Oh my god! Is that-” One of your other friends nudges your shoulder and points toward the door. You look up in time just to see Jack Hughes make his way inside. He’s still wearing his game day suit with a hat backwards on his head and you know he came straight from the Prudential Center. 

“What the hell is he doing here?” You panic as you turn around to look at your friends. “He usually goes home…” 

“It looks like he’s looking for someone.” One of your friends tells you as she watches Jack out of the corner of her eye. 

Another friend pushes you toward the blonde man. “Go dance! Look happy!” 

You stumble into the man, who puts his hand on your waist to steady you. “Hey, I'm Eric.” 

“Y/n.” You respond nervously. “Mind if I dance with you?” 

“I’ve been waiting for you all night.” He gives you a look that makes your stomach turn sour but you wrap your arms around his neck anyway and begin to sway your hips. You can feel the moment Jack finally lays his eyes on you, his gaze practically burning a hole in your back. 

Eric spins you around, pressing your ass into his front. You make eye contact with Jack as you grind on Eric and the anger on his face is unmistakable. He stands with his arms crossed over his chest and watches as you put on a show for him, showing him exactly what he’s missing. 

I'm yours again when you walk away You know if you leave, I ain't gonna stay When I'm doin' good, you get me off track And I guess I kinda like that 

Eric, unaware that he’s being used as a pawn in this chess game between you and Jack, gets into the dance and begins trying to kiss your neck. You try to push him away but Jack is already shaking his head and walking away. 

Letting him go is what you should do, it’s the smart decision, but you find yourself pushing through the crowd to follow him anyway. Eric calls out your name as you get further away from him. Jack never looks back to see if you’re following him but he doesn’t have to, he knows you are. 

“Are you having fun?” Jack asks as he wraps his hand around your elbow and pulls you into the private bathroom with him. 

“How did you know where I was?” You cross your arms over your chest as he locks the door. 

“Snap map.” He responds easily. “Who was that?” He’s still angry but you can tell he’s fighting a smirk by the way he keeps biting his lip. 

Your friends told you to block him on everything, you should’ve listened. Being this close to him after not seeing him for almost two weeks has your brain going hazy. His hair is still wet from his post-game shower underneath his backward hats and he looks so good you can’t help but want to taste him. 

You lick your lips before responding, “Eric.” 

Jack steps closer to you, the warmth of his body enveloping you as you hold his gaze. “Is Eric why you’ve been ignoring me?” 

You roll your eyes at him. “I told you we were done, Jack.”

He brings his hand up to your face, gently running his fingers over your lips. “Tell me to leave right now and I will.” He says. “You’ll never hear from me again.” Your eyes widen in surprise as you look at him for any sign that he’s bluffing. Could he really disappear from your life so easily? Did you want him to?

“Jack, I-”

“Say it, y/n.” He presses your back into the wall as he keeps his hand on your face, the other falling to your hip. His eyes stay on your lips as he waits for you to speak. “Tell me what you want.” 

“I want-” You can’t think straight as he looks down at you. You’re so intoxicated by him that you’d do anything he asked you to right now. “I want you to kiss me.” 

He crashes his lips on yours before you fully get the sentence out, as if he’s trying to devour your mouth. You hungrily push back, not realizing how much you missed the taste of him until now. The bristles of his scruff scratch against your soft cheek as he holds your face firmly, as if to keep you from escaping. Your tongues battle for dominance, both craving more from each other. 

Your hands make quick work of finding his belt and undoing it before his mouth moves to your neck. “Needy girl aren’t you?” He grins against your skin as you undo his pants next. 

“You're the one that’s needy, Jack.” Your voice is breathy as you finally get your hand around his already hard cock. 

He thrusts into your hand as he continues his assault on your neck, sucking enough to leave marks but then kissing the sensitive skin. “What are you going to do about it?” 

There’s a desperation in his voice that you haven’t heard before and you push at his chest so he’s forced to take a step back. He worries for a moment that he said the wrong thing before you drop to your knees in front of him and take his eager member in both of your hands. 

“Y/n…” You put him in your mouth before he can finish speaking, not wanting to hear whatever he has to say. “Fuck.” His hands cup the back of your head as you bob up and down on him, circling his dick with your tongue. “Forgot how good you are at this.” The sounds he makes cause wetness to pool at your core and you eagerly pump him with your hands as you lick his tip. 

You moan as he starts fucking your mouth, holding your head steady as he thrusts into you. He tugs at your hair and you wonder if you can orgasm without him actually touching you. The loud music on the other side of the door is hopefully covering the string of curse words that fall from Jack’s lips as you let him use your mouth. 

“Stand up baby.” He says suddenly as he pulls out of your mouth. He helps you to your feet and then spins you around so you’re facing the wall. “It’s been too long since I've felt you.” He says as he lifts your dress over your hips. He pulls your panties down your legs and you step out of them before he places them in his pocket. 

“Jack, please.” You beg as you arch your back, pressing your ass into his erection. 

“Please what?” You can’t see his face but you know that he’s smiling. He runs a finger over your folds before pressing on your clit. You jump in surprise before pressing down against his hand. “Tell me what you want, pretty girl.” 

Your eyes nearly roll back in your head from the pleasure as he rubs your clit. “I want you to fuck me.” He moves his hand away and you want to cry from the loss of contact. “Please.”

“I don’t have a condom.” He sighs from behind you as he starts touching you again. 

“I don’t care.” You moan as you press your upper body against the wall so he can have better access to you. “I just want you inside of me.” 

That’s all the encouragement he needs before he’s lining himself up and pushing into you. “Fuck baby you’re so wet.” He groans as he holds your hips tightly and kisses the back of your head. He gives you a moment to get used to the size of him before he starts thrusting into you. 

“Oh my god, yes.” You moan as he slaps your ass and you grip the wall as best you can. 

“Who made you this wet baby?” He asks as he wraps an arm around your chest and pulls you closer to him. “Hmm?”

“You.” You gasp as you feel yourself getting close to the edge. “You did.” 

He kisses the side of your head as he continues to fuck you against the wall. “That’s right baby, I did.” He reaches his other hand around and begins rubbing your clit. “Who’s pussy is this?” 

“Yours.” Your voice is breathy and you’re barely capable of forming a coherent thought as he brings you closer and closer to pure bliss. 

He removes his hand from your clit just as you’re about to climax and you groan in frustration. “Who’s?” He prompts again, not liking your first answer. 

‘Yours, Jack.” His hand returns as he picks up his pace and it’s just what you need to send you over the edge. “Fuck.” 

Jack continues with his movements as you ride out your high, groaning as you clench around him. Once he’s sure you’re finished, he pulls out of you and continues pumping himself with his hand. “Gonna cum.” He warns you as you turn around to face him. 

You drop to your knees again as you pull your dress down and pull him into your mouth. You look up as you swirl your tongue around him and once you make eye contact with him, you feel his warm cum coat the back of your throat. 

When he’s finished he steps back and fixes his pants. You stand and straighten your dress out as he tightens his belt. You watch him quietly, not sure what to say or do now that the tension has evaporated. When he looks at you and notices the hesitant look on your face, he pulls you into him. “C’mere.” He envelopes you in a hug, pulling you close to his chest as he kisses your forehead. 

You said, "Can we leave now?" I don't think we should Through the back door  That won't end good Then I'll follow you out Hope nobody looks

You break apart when someone pounds on the door, telling you to hurry up. Jack laughs as he takes your hand in his. “Let’s go home.” 

You’re not even sure what that means but you find yourself shaking your head. This isn’t going to end well and if you have to say goodbye to him one more time you know it will break you. “But Eric…” 

“Fuck, Eric.” Jack growls as he holds your hand and pulls you toward the door. “You’re my girl and I’m taking you home.” 

He’s said the words before when he was balls deep inside of you, but they hit differently now as he opens the bathroom door to a hallway full of angry patrons. You want to ask him what he means but he’s pulling you down the hallway before you can ask. You get a glimpse of your friends before Jack is pulling you out a side door to the street.

You’re both quiet as he drives to his apartment building but he can’t seem to keep his hands off of you. He runs his right hand up and down your thigh squeezing occasionally at red lights. “Why did you come looking for me?” You finally ask, the silence becoming more than you can bear. “You normally want to be alone after a loss…”

“You watched the game?” He glances over at you in surprise. 

“Yeah, on my phone.” You realize what a hypocrite that makes you and chuckle to yourself. “I’m just continually hurting myself, aren’t I?” 

“What? No, y/n.” Jack shakes his head as he lifts his hand up to hold yours. “All I wanted after we lost tonight was you.”

Your heart squeezes as the oxygen suddenly gets sucked out of the car. “You need to stop saying things like that.” You warn as he pulls up in front of his building. He’s already gotten what he usually wants from you, he doesn’t need to manipulate your emotions anymore.

“We need to talk.” He says as the two of you get out of the car and Jack hands his keys to the valet before leading you inside. He holds your hand in the elevator as you quietly try to organize your thoughts. Did he track you down at the club just so he could be the one to end things? Would he really be that cruel?

“I’ll get you some clothes.” Jack tells you once you’re both in his apartment. He disappears into his bedroom and comes back out a few minutes later wearing sweats and a hoodie. He hands you some sweatpants and a t-shirt to change into. 

“Thank you.” You smile at him awkwardly, not wanting to change in front of him even though you just let him fuck you in a public bathroom. 

“No problem.” He smiles nervously at you. “Uh, you can change in my room.” You nod before walking into his room and quickly changing out of your tight dress to his comfy clothes. The suit he was wearing is carefully laid out on his bed and you realize this is the first time you’ve come over and haven’t gone straight to his bedroom. You didn’t always sleep with him, sometimes he called you to just come over and cuddle. Those nights fucked you up more than anything. 

He’s sitting on the couch when you come out of his room and he gives you a sheepish smile as you sit down beside him. He opens his mouth like he’s going to say something but then shuts it quickly. “Jack, you don’t have to do this.” You tell him as he tries to figure out what to say. “I can just go.”

“No!” He reaches out and grabs your wrist before you can even stand up. “I don’t want you to go.” 

You tilt your head to look at him, trying to figure out what he means. “Jack you’re the one that said-”

“I know what I said, okay? I was stupid.” He sighs and adjusts the hat on his head as he searches for the right words. “I know I told you we couldn’t be more but it wasn’t because I didn’t care about you.” He plays with your fingers as he talks and you lean into him, encouraging him to keep going. “I’m a professional athlete, y/n. My schedule sucks. I’m at the rink or on roadies all of the time. It wasn’t fair to put you through all that and make you wait for me. Not to mention all the hate you’ll get just for being seen with me.” 

He finally makes eye contact with you but your heart is pounding so loud in your ears you’re not sure if you heard him correctly. “What are you trying to say, Jack?” 

“You didn’t talk to me for nine days and I was losing my mind. My game was shit and I didn’t even care. All I could think about was you.” He admits. “When we lost tonight, the only thing I could think about was coming home and cuddling with you.”

“Jack…” You move closer to him, practically sitting in his lap. “I told you I had feelings for you months ago.” 

“I know.” He presses his forehead against yours. “And I know it wasn’t fair to keep calling you after you were honest with me.” He pulls back to look into your eyes. “I’m in love with you, y/n. I don’t want to go another day without you.” 

Your heart is so full it’s threatening to burst as you tilt your head to kiss him. “I love you too, Jack.” He smiles and holds you tightly in his arms. 

“You think we should try this relationship thing out?” 

You laugh and kiss the tip of his nose. “I think we can figure it out together.”

[cremesofaart]

finally drawing aliens on here lol. we love drawing critters and creatures, used to do it exclusively

these ones are called Gigaforms, they're slightly smaller than elephants and have human-level intelligence

they're born with thagomizers (tail club spike thingy) but they remove this so they can strap tools on there. like axe blades and whatnot. they have dozens of tendrils up front for more delicate tasks (though these were evolved in their ancestors to uproot plants and pull open fruits and such)

which includes the intricate fabrics they love to weave, sew, et cetera- maybe even more than humans do. they love to make hats and clothes and whatnot

open to questions abt them. lalala

[putschki1969]

🇹🇭KEIKO Bangkok Pilgrimage🇹🇭

Imagine my surprise when I saw that the latest Niku&Choco fan club magazine contained a two-page feature of Keiko's private trip to Bangkok earlier this year. I had originally planned to spend a few relaxing days in Thailand with the one or the other more eventful activity but seeing all the things that Keiko had done, I naturally felt inspired to do the same stuff. First I needed to find out what exactly she had done, where she had gone and what she had eaten. I put on my Putschki Holmes hat and started researching right away. After some initial difficulties I was able to figure out almost everything. My friends helped provide some additional info and were of course kind enough to play tourist guide for me in some of the more confusing locations.

From what I can tell, Keiko must have stayed either around the Siam area or a little further out around the Sukhumvit line. Her activities were mostly limited to Siam Paragon (a big mall at Siam station) and Central Embassy (another big mall at Phloen Chit station). She also visited the Talad Noi district near Bangkok's famous Chinatown. Without further ado, let's get to it〈(•ˇ‿ˇ•)-→

❗This is FAN CLUB EXCLUSIVE content❗ ❗FOR PERSONAL USE ONLY❗ ❗DO NOT USE/SHARE ON OTHER SITES❗ ❗SUPPORT KEIKO and JOIN her FAN CLUB. Detailed TUTORIAL❗

Talad Noi

This area is famous for its gorgeous street-art. Keiko took lots of pictures in front of some of the more extravagant pieces. I tried posing in a similar manner but oh boy, I totally failed. It's almost embarrassing how horribly stiff I look in most of these...And you know what?! I ordered these exact pants earlier this month but unfortunately, they didn't arrive in time for my trip 😔How cool would it have been to take these pictures wearing the same pants as Keiko! *sobs* A huge thank you to my friends who joined me on this little adventure in Talad Noi. I never would have found these specific murals without their help. Also, kudos to us for taking approximately five million pictures in the sweltering heat. It was so hot and humid that day💦

Siam Paragon & Siam Center

Had a great time at Siam Paragon. The food court was amazing. A shame that I couldn't try everything in a single day. I decided to try the frozen yogurt from Yolé and a shabu-shabu set at Hitori Shabu. Wanted to try McDonald's too because I was curious about some of the Thailand-limited items but there was just not enough time for all that extra food. I only took a picture in front of the Fire Tiger place at Siam Center (not much of a smoothie person to be honest).

Central Embassy

Lots of yummy food to choose from at Central Embassy. Keiko did nothing but eat there it seems. I was only there for half a day so I honestly had a hard time deciding on what to try. Eventually I ended up going to the shaved-ice place "The Dessert by Kaithong Original" because I was craving something cold. I cheated a little bit with "Somboon Seafood" because I only went there to take some pictures with my acrylic Cakey but I didn't actually eat anything at the restaurant until a few days later. Went to another more popular branch with some friends and we ordered the famous crab curry. I also only took a few pictures outside of "Din Tai Fung", it's a shame though because I would have enjoyed some dim sum but honestly, that shaved ice thingy almost killed me

Airport

Last but not least, a final picture at the airport before it's time to fly back home.

[anim-ttrpgs]

Songs for Eureka Sessions: Deadly/Firearm Combat

Masterpost of Eureka song lists & how to choose good music for any TTRPG session.

Destroy All Humans - Deadly Avenger

Diabolos Ex Machina - Perturbator

Barghest - Revengeday

Sandevistan - Revengeday

Hegemeny of the Food Chain - Hunter X Hunter

Paris – Hotline Miami

Miami Disco – Perturbator

Archetype – Castle Crashers

Knock Knock – Hotline Miami

Byzantine Power Game – Max Payne

Whack Him – Max Payne

Killer Suits - Max Payne

Ecto Perfecto – West of Loathing: Reckonin’ at Gun Manor

The Flesh of the Fallen Angels – Max Payne

Le Perv – Hotline Miami 2

Vengeance – The Guest

Black Tiger – Resident Evil 1 Remake

Final Battle – Resident Evil 1 Remake

Panic – Resident Evil 2 Remake

Last Judgement – Resident Evil 2 Remake

The March to Survive – Resident Evil 2 Remake

Spybreak – The Matrix

Shots Fired – John Wick

Death Wish – A Hat in Time

Elegantly designed and thoroughly playtested, Eureka represents the culmination of three years of near-daily work from our team, as well as a lot of our own money. If you’re just now reading this and learning about Eureka for the first time, you missed the crowdfunding window unfortunately, but you can still check out the public beta on itch.io to learn more about what Eureka: Investigative Urban Fantasy actually is, as that is where we have all the fancy art assets, the animated trailer, links to video reviews by podcasts and youtubers, etc.!

You can also follow updates on our Kickstarter page where we post regular updates on the status of our progress finishing the game and getting it ready for final release.

Beta Copies through the Patreon

If you want more, you can download regularly updated playable beta versions of Eureka: Investigative Urban Fantasy earlier, plus extra content such as adventure modules by subscribing to our Patreon at the $5 tier or higher. Subscribing to our patreon also grants you access to our patreon discord server where you can talk to us directly and offer valuable feedback on our progress and projects.

The A.N.I.M. TTRPG Book Club

If you would like to meet the A.N.I.M. team and even have a chance to play Eureka with us, you can join the A.N.I.M. TTRPG Book Club discord server. It’s also just a great place to talk and discuss TTRPGs, so there is no schedule obligation, but the main purpose of it is to nominate, vote on, then read, discuss, and play different indie TTRPGs. We put playgroups together based on scheduling compatibility, so it’s all extremely flexible. This is a free discord server, separate from our patreon exclusive one. https://discord.gg/7jdP8FBPes

Other Stuff

We also have a ko-fi and merchandise if you just wanna give us more money for any reason.

We hope to see you there, and that you will help our dreams come true and launch our careers as indie TTRPG developers with a bang by getting us to our base goal and blowing those stretch goals out of the water, and fight back against WotC's monopoly on the entire hobby. Wish us luck.

[barbielore]

The only explicitly Halloween themed Barbie released as a collectors item was as part of the Holiday Hostess series.

She was one of the less disappointing dolls in the series; not quite achieving the heights of the Thanksgiving Barbie, but including a little more visual interest than, for example, the Valentine's Barbie.

As previously noted, it seems as though Barbie's favourite Halloween costume is witch - and this comes through again, with Barbie in an ankle length orange dress and witch's hat. She has a broom and pumpkin as props, and a very cute black choker to complete her outfit.

As a Gold Label Fan Club Exclusive, this was a particularly limited run - only 3100 of these dolls were released.

[bestygogirl]

BEST YGO GIRL: ROUND 4, GROUP C

Match 2

please use this as an opportunity to say why you like a character, not why you don't.

Propaganda under the cut!

Mana

mana is the apprentice to mahad and her ka is dark magician girl. she is the basis for apprentice illusion magician. she is the first one to inherit the millennium ring after mahad, while it allegedly has yami bakura in it. her fate is left up to the viewer. another fun fact is she teases atem like he's her big brother and hides in vases. she makes fun of set's stupid hat and turns it in magical hats. she's a fun loving child who is put in a position where she needs to fight a war. and like. she's my daughter please vote for her.

Isis Ishtar

gorgeous, very caring sister, strong duelist, and the only woman to ever make Seto Kaiba squirm

anyways. not only as mentioned above is she the first woman to make kaiba squirm, but she was by all means going to beat him if not for the millennium rod's millennium interference. yami marik admits that she's a strong duelist with a strategy that's been working for literal years-- and given that she's not like, a professional duelist, thats pretty impressive

she also recently got some really cool meta bumps and let me point out that an "ishizu deck" now includes obelisk the tormentor-- which we knew she had prior to giving it to kaiba, but i think it only solidifies my opinion that she very much could wield an Egyptian God Card, an exclusive little club for top tier duelists

as a character she presents herself with an amazing amount of poise and grace, shes compassionate and kind and stays with mai and serenity even though she only just met them. shes struggling through living the past 5 years of her life drowning in guilt for her family's tragedy just because she wanted to make her little brother happy and shadi is a fucking liar. shes foretold her own death and marches towards it grimly but with so much love in her heart. and even then shes 20 years old and holds an important position in the egyptian government that typically requires a doctorate degree AND has been dealing with mariks off-and-on bullshit entirely by her lonesome. she also likes to flex her fortunetelling a little which is awesome i think she should do that more that scene where she tells the guy exactly how the stele is being transported was so everything

speaking of shes got such an attitude. "is it your destiny to waste my time?" iconic. never seen before will never be seen again. watch the duel between her va and joeys its so fucking funny

shes excult. shes doesnt flinch in the face of god nor death. seto kaiba and yami marik respect her. shes so sad and so sweet and battle city couldnt have happened without her.

also her parallels with kaiba are what motivate kaiba to give yugi the card he needed to beat marik.

kaiba, in duelist kingdom, was ready to jump off a ledge if yugi didnt let him through to face pegasus while trying to save mokuba out of sheer desperation to save his little brother. he KNOWS what that dedication feels like and the iron kind of will you need to have to make that kind of gamble. isis is being so fucking legit with what shes saying and he respects that and her judgement enough to change his mind and not only watch the duel, but give yugi a card that eventually helps him win, even if he has no real confidence in the odds. but theres a CHANCE, which is the same thing he taught her when he beat her in a duel. the layers its her faith that moves him to act. which is so crazy

anyway vote isis shes my best friend forever and a real rep for all the 20 year olds who honest to god did not sign up for this bullshit

[ghostofnuggetspast]

Cats are cool, misogynists drool

John hasn't seen Harry in a few months now, and it's just gotten cold enough to dust him with snow while he trudges to the coffee shop. He's got on a new scarf and hat that Mrs. Hudson hurriedly pushed into his arms a couple days ago saying "I just finished these at my knitting club, and I thought, oh! Wouldn't that blue look good with John's eyes? So here."

Who is John to say no to hand-knit warmth from someone he likes? Loves? Besides, she's a good knitter, and he fancies they do look good on him. He'd thanked her profusely and silently promised himself to get her something nice this year. He pulls the coffee shop door open, hearing the little bell tingle overhead, and stomps off the bit of snow that's stuck to his boots. He looks up and... hahahah There's Harriet slouched comfortably by the window, in a hat too. Only hers is bright pink and has ... cat ears? Looks like they'll have something to talk about over java.

Pussy Hat

My sis has a thing on her hair That stands out. She smiles when I stare. It's fluffy and pink And cat-like, I think. It means kitty's got claws, so beware.

The Pussy Hat Project is for promoting feminism and humanism through peaceful protest and civil discourse. They state on their website that they are inclusive of all women, regardless of biological specifics and personal history. The term "pussy" was used for shock value, not for exclusion. They're cats, and cats can be quite shocking when they want to be. Especially on a dry day when they've been rolling over the carpets.

[metallicbluemorpho]

Painting The Town Green (A Once-ler Fanfiction)

So for my first fanfic post, I am going to post...my first fanfic (or at least the first fanfic I had written in several years). I wrote this one shot a little over a year ago after becoming obsessed with the Once-ler.

fandom: The Lorax, The Once-ler Fandom

relationship: None

word count: 2,594

rating: T

warnings: Some suggestive content and Drinking

summary: The Once-ler heads out for a night on the town with his top investors, but the night doesn't go as planned. Funny story but sad ending. Rated T for some suggestive content and drinking.

Notes: I wanted to read a story about the Once-ler doing rich people stuff. So I wrote this. I haven't written fanfiction in years Please let me know what you think of the story and thank you for reading.

Work Text: Inside his bedroom, the Once-ler was getting ready for a night out on the town. It was an important occasion. He would be entertaining several of his top investors, but he also hoped the night would be a fun one. He stood in front of his full-length mirror and put on his finest green suit, his biggest top hat, and a thneed. Just as he had finished adjusting his outfit, he heard a knock on the door.

“Come in,” the Once-ler answered.

His assistant and (designated) driver for the night stepped inside the room.

“Everything is ready for the night, Mr. The Once-ler. Your limo is waiting outside.” His assistant pulled out a list. “ As you have suggested, we will first be meeting with your investors at Greenville's 'finest and most expensive' restaurant, then everyone will meet at Greenville's 'hottest and coolest' club, finally we shall all return to the factory where you will entertain your guests with your 'mad guitar skills' and show off all the 'awesome' stuff you own in your attached penthouse.”

His assistant was unamused. He had worked for several rich, eccentric people in his lifetime. He figured that the Once-ler was just going to get drunk and make a fool out of himself tonight like all the other rich people he worked for.

“Yep, sounds like a plan,” the Once-ler replied excitedly. “But before we go, did you bring that stuff I requested? You know, that white stuff?” he asked with a wink. “I wanted to have a hit before we headed out.”

“Yes sir.” His assistant reached into his pocket and handed the Once-ler a small bag of marshmallows.

“Alright!” the Once-ler took a handful of the marshmallows and shoved them in his mouth. “Nothing like a sugar buzz to get you ready for a big night out! Let's get going!”

His assistant led the Once-ler to his limo and drove him to the restaurant, where his investors, along with their assistants (and 'designated' drivers) were already waiting. They were seated in an exclusive private room and everyone placed their orders. Since the Once-ler was paying, the investors took care to order the most expensive menu items and fine wines.

The Once-ler cringed a bit as he thought about the bill, but he hoped that by doing this the investors would be impressed with him. After a few business-like greetings, the investors talked among themselves, mostly ignoring the Once-ler. They had all been in the business world for a while now, whereas the Once-ler, while successful, was just starting out. They figured that he was likely not very knowledgeable about the world of business, so they paid him no mind while they talked and enjoyed the fancy wine he bought them.

Finally, their food arrived. Served on fancy silver plates with fancy silver dish covers.

The Once-ler lifted his dish cover, but he did not see the meatloaf he had ordered. Or at least not the kind of meatloaf he had expected.

“Hey Beanpole I need to talk to ya!” Hidden under the dish cover was none other than the Lorax.

The Once-ler gasped in horror and slammed his dish cover shut.

“Is there a problem sir?” one of the waitresses asked.

“E-erm yes.” The Once-ler stammered. “I just suddenly remembered that I am deathly allergic to meatloaf. I'll need another dish. I will have the lasagna instead.”

While Once-ler was talking to the waitress. The Lorax crawled out from under the dish cover, jumped off the table, and hid behind a plastic plant that was next to the Once-ler.

“Beanpole!” the Lorax shouted, trying to get the Once-ler's attention.

“Shh! What are you doing here?” the Once-ler whispered angrily, turning towards the Lorax.

“I am the Lorax and I speak for the trees!” he answered

“Yeah, I know. We've met.” the Once-ler huffed.

“Really? Because I don't recognize you.” the Lorax replied coldly “You see this beanpole?” the Lorax gestured to the plastic plant he was hiding behind. “All the plants are gonna wind up like this if keep on making those stupid thneeds. Is that really what you want?”

“I'll shove my thneed up a place where the sun don't shine if you don't shut up.” the Once-ler retorted.

The Once-ler and the Lorax kept arguing. At this point, the investors finally looked up from their expensive meals towards the Once-ler. None of them could see the Lorax, so they just saw what appeared to be the Once-ler randomly yelling at a plastic potted plant. The investors began to gossip about him.

“Wow. One glass of wine and the guy is already hammered.” one of them said.

“I'm pretty sure he took a hit of something else before he even got here.” another replied

“You know what they say about eccentric inventors…” another one of them said. “… I heard that the guy is crazy and talks to himself.”

“I heard that the guy does a lot more than just talk with himself.” another replied.

Finally, seeing that the Once-ler would not listen to reason, the Lorax gave up for now. He would have to find another way to stop him later. “Fine then.” the Lorax snapped “Enjoy your stuck up party, and your superficial life!”

“Thank you, I will.” the Once-ler replied smugly.

The Lorax began walking away “And by the way…” he shouted before leaving “…that outfit makes you look completely ridiculous!”

“Oh you are so wrong.” the Onceler shouted back. “All the girls think this outfit is totally sexy, so you can just shut your mustache!” The Once-ler flipped the Lorax off, then turned around to find everyone at the table staring at him.

The Once-ler let out a nervous laugh and bit his lip, having no explanation for his actions. Luckily at that moment his food had arrived, and him and his investors went back to eating.

After dinner, they all made their way to the club, just as planned. The Once-ler and his investors sat at the bar. They were finishing up their first round of drinks, talking and laughing among themselves and once again ignoring the Once-ler. He fiddled with his empty glass nervously. Then he pulled out a wad of cash. He knew what he needed to do in order to impress them.

“How about another round on me?” he asked.

The investors cheered as their drinks were served. That's what the Once-ler was told, everybody likes the guy that brings (or buys) the booze.

Seeing this, a woman, wearing a thneed dress and high heels, sauntered up to the bar. The Once-ler noticed her approach, and threw back the rest of his cocktail. Growing up on a farm meant that he did not have much experience with women, so he was nervous around them. The woman sat down next to the Once-ler. She knew that the Once-ler he was packin', hopefully in more ways than one. The investors finally become interested and turned to look at the Once-ler, wondering how the situation was going to go down.

“So is that a wad of cash in your pants or are you just happy to see me?” she asked him.

The Once-ler did the only thing he knew how to do to impress someone, flaunt his wealth.

“That is indeed a wad of cash in my pants.” he replied pulling it out. “Would you like me to buy you a drink with it?” He was told that you were supposed to buy pretty girls drinks.

“Sure.” she replied

“Although I am happy to see you.” he added. Trying to be polite and not knowing what she actually meant by that.

“Aw you're so cute.” she replied. “By the way I love your thneed. I just love the way the material feels on my skin.” she brushed her fingers over her dress, trying to draw attention to her curves.

The bartender brought over their drinks. The Once-ler, still nervous, quickly took a sip of his before resuming the conversation.

“Thank you.I carefully designed the thneed to accommodate a variety of different needs, and it is made out of the finest material. ” he told her, gesturing to his own thneed.

“Speaking of needs…” she replied flirtatiously “…I was wondering if you were in need of a personal assistant.”

“Oh, well my company is biggering rapidly…” the Once-ler took another sip of his drink “…and I'm going to have to fill a variety of positions.”

“Oh yeah,” she replied excitedly. “I'd love to help you with your biggering. Maybe we can schedule a private interview and discuss those various positions” she whispered seductively.

“We are actually holding open interviews next week.” The Once-ler replied, handing her a business card. “You should stop by.”

“Um… Ok then thanks.” she replied taking the card. She suddenly realized that she wasn't going to get anywhere with this guy, so she walked away.

“Thank you for considering a career at Thneed inc!” the Once-ler called out back to her.

The investors laughed.

The one sitting next to the Once-ler turned back around and said to him “You sure missed out on an opportunity there.”

“What are you talking about?” the Once-ler replied “I let her know that I have a variety of career opportunities available at my company.”

The investor rolled his eyes and went back to his drink.

Another woman strolled up to the bar towards the Once-ler, but with a different objective in mind.

“You wanna dance pretty boy?” she asked.

“Sure.” he replied excitedly. The alcohol was finally starting to kick in, and he was ready to let loose.

She led him to the floor, and they began to dance. The woman was impressed with the Once-ler's slick moves, despite his being slightly intoxicated, but that wasn't really why she had asked him to dance.

She moved closer to him, then she placed her hands on his shoulders. As they moved to the music, she let her hands slip down his body. She moved from his shoulders, down to his chest, then his waist, and finally, she placed her hands on his hips.

Then in one swift motion, just as the song was ending, she plucked the wad of cash he had earlier out of his pocket. Then she quickly stuffed it in her bra. The Once-ler, intoxicated by both the alcohol and the music, did not notice.

As the song switched over she quickly turned away. “Thanks for the dance pretty boy.”

“It was nice to meet you too.” he shouted back.

The marshmallows he'd had earlier, and the alcohol had kept him going. The Once-ler kept dancing until it was time to leave. In fact, he kept dancing until it was beyond time to leave. The workers at the bar were trying to clean up and they had even turned off the music an hour ago.

The Once-ler didn't want the party to stop yet though, so he brought all the investors down to the penthouse attached to his factory where he lived. After drunkenly showing off all of his expensive collectibles and furniture to his guests, who were all too drunk to care about anything at this point, it was finally time to show off his “mad guitar skills”.

He led them to the parlor and grabbed his guitar. He played them a song he wrote himself called “How Bad Can I Be.” Or at least he tried too, while his guitar playing remained impeccable despite being drunk, he kept repeating the chorus over and over and making up random lyrics.

How ba-a-a-ad can I be?

Just look at me I'm so cool and edgy.

How ba-a-a-ad can I be?

I can't remember the last time I did my laundry

How ba-a-a-ad can I be?

I 'm hungry and could really go for a pastry.

The investors just laughed and cheered, not even coherent enough to understand what he was even singing. They didn't even realize that the lyrics began to take a darker turn. As he continued his song, the Once-ler began to come to several realizations.

How ba-a-a-ad can I be?

I hope you all enjoyed my party.

How ba-a-a-ad can I be?

But to be honest the night was kind of crappy.

How ba-a-a-ad can I be?

I just realized that one girl was not an interviewee.

How ba-a-a-ad can I be?

And I think that other girl might have robbed me.

How ba-a-a-ad can I be?

And I know that you all think I'm just a dumb newbie.

How ba-a-a-ad can I be?

I know that none of you actually respect me.

How ba-a-a-ad can I be?

You're just using me to make more money.

How ba-a-a-ad can I be?

You all are just like my family.

How ba-a-a-ad can I be?

My family was never proud of me.

How ba-a-a-ad can I be?

They told me knitting was unmanly.

How ba-a-a-ad can I be?

Until I started making money.

How ba-a-a-ad can I be?

Then they finally acknowledged me.

How ba-a-a-ad can I be?

But all they care about is my company.

How ba-a-a-ad can I be?

They will never love me unconditionally.

The Once-ler began to drunkenly sob as he continued his song. The investors, completely hammered and unaware, continued to laugh and cheer.

How pathetic can I possibly be? Let's see

Now I have to keep providing.

How ba-a-a-ad can I be?

To keep my family from vilifying.

How ba-a-a-ad can I be?

All this work is so tiring.

How ba-a-a-ad can I be?

I feel like my brain is frying.

How ba-a-a-ad can I be?

This is all so unsatisfying.

How sad? How sad can I possibly beeeeee?

After he finished the song the Once-ler slumped over his guitar and sobbed heavily. His top hat fell off of his head. The investors continued to not notice or care, but someone else did. His assistant had decided that it was time for the evening to finally come to a close. He knew that he would have been fired if he had interrupted the song, but now that the Once-ler had finally finished, he could intervene. He stood in front of the Once-ler.

“Alright gentlemen, that closes us out for the night. Mr. The Once-ler thanks you all for coming. You will find your assistants and drivers waiting for you all in the lobby. Have a good evening everyone.”

The investors made their way out of the parlor, stumbling into the lobby. After they had left, the assistant saw to his boss. He carefully removed the Once-ler's guitar and set it back in the case. Then he helped the Once-ler up and guided him to one of the chairs in the parlor. He then made his way to the kitchen, grabbing some aspirin and a large glass of water. The assistant returned to the parlor and placed the items on the side table next to the Once-ler's chair, knowing his boss would need them in the morning.

“Th-thank you.” the Once-ler murmured, his head buried in his gloved hands. Thankful, that at that moment, somebody actually cared about him, even to small extent.

“Don't mention it.” his assistant replied. He then left the room and turned out the lights. Leaving the Once-ler alone in the dark. Even though the Once-ler was just another eccentric, rich boss to work for, his assistant couldn't help but feel a little sorry for him. Things really did seem to go terribly for him that night.

Luckily, neither the Once-ler nor his investors were likely to remember any of it.