#has unfortunately consumed my mind the past few days

[ryan-nugenthopkins]

"How familiar are you with protein detection in relation to tumour cells?" Marner squints at him. "I know that tumours are bad. And probably related to cancer? Which is also bad." "Okay," sighs Auston.

Mitch is a serious academic, okay? It’s not his fault that game developers are the ones most interested in his work. Yes, he hosts Fortnite tournaments for the esports club. It’s because he’s cool and hip with the kids. But his antics have given him a certain reputation among the faculty, and it’s hurting his chances for a better position at the University of Toronto - and worse, ruining his funding applications to the serious investors. His field of study is meaningful, even if most people can’t see how. He just needs the right project to prove it.

It’s Willy who suggests that he talk to Dr. Auston Matthews, the molecular biology professor who shares a line with him and Johnny on their intramural hockey team. Matthews, apparently, is doing the exact sort of work for which his machine learning systems might be useful. But the two of them have never talked, outside of arguing over possession and ref calls. Hell, he isn’t even sure if Matthews knows what he does. For all their chemistry on the ice, he might just hate Mitch’s guts.

Auston is surprised to see his intramural linemate in an egregiously corny gamer t-shirt show up to the door of his lab. He’s even more surprised when the guy introduces himself as Dr. Marner and offers a proposition - to collaborate with him on a project, using his AI experience and Auston’s work on cellular biomarkers to create a diagnostics app, one that can make detection of cancer easier for those who with difficulties in accessing care.

The kindest way to describe Dr. Mitch Marner would probably be “unorthodox.” His department head, as rumoured, calls him “infuriating, but too good to let go.” No one can deny that his work in machine learning has brought a renewed interest in Toronto’s tech sector, as Canada’s own AI talent up there with some of best in the world. It’s not as if Auston is hurting for funding - but a project featuring the interdisciplinary shtick that the university currently loves, with a name like Marner’s, might be the last piece to finally put him on that coveted tenure track.

So Auston accepts. How badly could this go, anyway?

[mrsevans90]

Double Life

Summary: Charlotte has gone on a few dates with a journalist named Clark Kent and she really feels like she’s falling for him. She has noticed some odd behavior from him every once in a while, but the worst part is not knowing if he’s truly interested in her. Why won’t he make a move? Is he just taking things extremely slow? Are her feelings for him unrequited? She finds the answers to all of her questions in the most embarrassing way imaginable. 

Pairing: Henry Cavill as Clark Kent/Superman x Female Reader Charlotte

Brief mention of Bruce Wayne x Female Reader

Word Count: 5,060 

Warnings: SMUT; masturbation, voyeur, oral (f), oral (m), squirting, cum swallowing, fingering, P in V intercourse, unprotected sex (wrap it up!), dirty talk, rough sex, language.

MINORS DNI! Must be 18+

I do not authorize any copying/pasting, stealing of my work, or using my words as your own. 

This story is not beta’d

A/N: This story came to me in a dream and I woke up and immediately typed the idea in my notes section of my phone. This is my very FIRST attempt at writing anything on Tumblr so all I ask is please be kind and if you love it then please comment and REPOST! Thank you for reading! 

*CHARLOTTE POV*

I woke up early Saturday morning. It seems impossible to sleep in now that I’ve become so used to being at the office by 8 am every morning. I feel a bit jittery after my date last night and am thankful for the wine that I consumed being the only reason I even was able to fall asleep. I lay in bed as my thoughts run wild. I know I should be getting out of bed and going for a run in an attempt to get rid of this pent-up energy, but glancing towards my bedroom window shows a dreary overcast day with a potential for rain. I toss and turn trying to find a comfortable position while my brain races thinking of last night. A handsome and often quiet man named Clark Kent had taken me on our fifth date. He was absolutely gorgeous, well dressed with his hair combed back, strong jaw with dimpled chin and black framed glasses. His incredible physique and handsome features are only partially what attracts me to him. His generous and mild-mannered personality and intelligence were a huge turn on. The attraction I feel for Clark is more than I ever remember feeling for a man before. My dating life since getting cheated on by my long-term high school boyfriend has been very short lived which I was fine with until now. I feel like I’ve continually held men at arm’s length, settling for a few one-night stands but nothing more in an attempt to spare my heart from more heartache. I realized after our third date that I wanted more with Clark and that he was worth the risk but I honestly am not sure how he feels about me. Yes, he’s continued to ask me on dates; taking me to dinner several times and even to a movie, yet he hasn’t made any more advances other than holding my hand and a cordial peck on the cheek. He walks me to my door after each date and ends our evening with a hug, kiss on the cheek and a goodnight. After our fourth date, I asked him if he’d like to come inside, however, he politely declined. I’m going out of my mind trying to figure out if he’s even interested but I haven’t built up the courage to ask him yet. I doubt I would even get the chance after I essentially stuck my foot in my mouth on the walk home from dinner with him last night. 

*Flashback to last night*

We walked past a storefront near my apartment that was advertising superman shirts for children and I commented how cute they were. I had noticed over the past month, that Clark was very quiet anytime I mentioned the famous Superman around him. Why couldn’t I just take the hint that he was uncomfortable?

“You know, you look an awful lot like Superman. I bet if you dressed as him for your work Halloween party, people wouldn’t be able to tell the difference in you both!” I said with a smile that quickly went away when I noticed him flinch.

Unfortunately, I didn’t stop my nervous rambling there. In my attempt to lighten the mood, I said, “I wouldn’t be surprised if it turned out that you actually are Superman! Ha ha! Do you have a secret identity you’re keeping from me, Clark?” I said with a wink. 

When I looked at Clark he seemed withdrawn and somewhat nervous. 

“No, no. I’m certainly not that interesting.” Clark quickly responded while looking at his feet as we walked into my apartment building.

“I’ve enjoyed tonight but I have to get going. I have, um… I have an early start in the morning attempting to interview people in Gotham City about the latest crime statistics.” Clark told me before I could even invite him inside. He seemed fidgety and awkward as he kept glancing anywhere but at my eyes.

“On a Saturday?” I ask and he quickly nodded while avoiding eye contact with me.

“Good journalism never takes a day off.” He said with an embarrassed smile. 

“I could possibly help. I have Bruce Wayne’s contact information if you’d like it. I’m sure he could be an interesting person to interview for your article.”

“You do? Why? I mean, how do you know him?” He responded with an arched eyebrow as he finally made eye contact with me for the first time in the past few minutes.

“Well, almost two months ago I met him at a charity gala for the Children’s hospital. He came over and spoke to me for a bit before he asked me on a date. It was the day after you asked me if I would go to dinner with you so I politely turned him down. He gave me his business card in case I changed my mind.” I responded quickly. Why does this feel so awkward? I didn’t do anything wrong but I still feel like he’s disappointed.

“I’m sure it’s on my desk in the apartment, if you’d like to come inside?” I ask as a last stitch effort to see if I had completely ruined this date.

“No, no that’s not necessary…Thank you, I appreciate the offer though. I’ll call you tomorrow, okay?” Clark asked with his typical kiss on the cheek. 

“Oh…okay. Goodnight Clark.”

“Goodnight Charlotte.” He responded before turning and beelining for the exit. 

“Way to go, Char. Could you be any more of a dumbass?” I quietly said to myself as I closed my apartment door and went to get ready for bed.

*Present Day*

As I continue to lay in bed I begin thinking about Clark and think about how large and strong his hand was as he cradled my small one in his while we walked to the restaurant. The veins in his muscular arms, and his strong, sharp jaw. My arousal begins to dampen my panties which I quickly remove and lay back in only my white tank top. Guess this will be the only sexual relief I will be getting for a long time. I thought to myself as I reach for the vibrator in my nightstand and begin pleasuring myself. After only a few minutes, I have kicked off my covers as my body begins to glisten with perspiration, and begin pleading for my orgasm to arrive. My eyes clamped shut, I imagine Clark’s large, strong chest against my own, his arms on either side of my head as he pumps what I can only imagine is a perfect and large cock into my warmth. I imagine his beautiful blue eyes staring into my own as he presses kisses to my body and sucks on my neck.

“Clark! Please, please, please, Clark! Ugh! I need you!” I say verbally as I continue to spur myself on in this filthy fantasy. 

CLARK POV:

Across town I am scrambling some eggs on the stove as I think about last night. Had Charlotte actually figured out my secret? Something the rest of the world seemed oblivious too? Or was she just joking and truly unaware? I had to deny it even though she was absolutely correct. I cringed as I began thinking about Bruce hitting on her. It’s not shocking since she’s possibly the most naturally stunning, intelligent, and interesting woman I have ever met. I believe I made it clear with him on the phone after I came home last night to stay away from my girl. I know she’s not technically mine, or a possession to own, but I have more claim to her heart than Bruce and I won’t allow him to interfere. Before I even realize it, I have squeezed a hand shaped imprint around the flimsy handle of the pan I was using.

“Damnit!” I mutter to myself.

I feel like Charlotte is getting impatient with me. It’s obvious that she wants more but how do I handle a relationship with someone I can’t be fully honest with. I want to tell her, I want her to fully know me but I feel like I can’t. I think back to how Lois was used essentially as bait when we were dating. The paranoia and pressure of being Superman’s personal kryptonite and obvious weakness was too much for both of us. Now, she was happily engaged to an engineer in the city. I’m delighted for her, she deserves true happiness yet I wonder if I’ll ever get to experience the same. I couldn’t stop myself from asking Charlotte on a date. The moment I saw her walking into the office next to me, I was lovestruck. Her long blonde hair, tight but professional dress with heels and most importantly crystal blue eyes. She was independent and driven as the head of marketing for her department. Yet, she still had this kindness about her as I watched her enter her building and the front desk guard hug her while thanking her for the toys she had sent home for his young children. She smiled genuinely and made him promise to bring his wife and children for a visit soon. God how I wanted every bit of her. I wanted her body, her mind, her future. The fourth time I saw her, I couldn’t help myself as I made my way towards her and “accidentally” bumped into her. We began a conversation and I was hooked. Before I could even think about the potential consequences, I was asking her to dinner. My cock ached as I thought about her in the shower last night after our date. Hell, I may be an alien but I still have sexual urges. She smelled and looked so beautiful. I could imagine her breasts pressed against my body. I daydreamt about the softness of her lips and the sounds she might make as I slowly took her apart. It has been almost impossible to turn down her invitations to join her in her apartment. I haven’t even allowed myself to kiss her because I’m scared to go any further and get more attached only to have her walk away if she finds out my secret. Was this self-preservation or just stupidity? I’m jolted out of my thoughts as I hear her voice louder than all the others noises going on around me thanks to my super hearing. I listen carefully as I hear her calling my name.

“Clark! Please, please, please, Clark! I need you!” 

I hear her whine and she sounds as if she is out of breath. Without thinking I jump into my Superman suit and bolt out of the window straight into the sky headed towards Charlotte’s apartment. As I get closer, I can hear her whimper along with her accelerated heartrate and I panic thinking she’s in trouble. I reach her unlocked window and slide it open before flying in. Her apartment smells just like her, floral and clean. I focus on her heartbeat and the quiet buzzing sound that I originally thought was coming from the apartment below hers. As soon as I open the door I smell her arousal at the same moment I watch her reach her climax with her eyes clamped shut. 

“Yes, baby!” She cries out. Her legs are parted as she holds a small purple vibrator against her clit and I can see and smell how turned on she is as her pussy glistens with her want. Her breasts are barely contained in a thin white tank top as they heave up and down while she breathes through her orgasm.

Fuck! I’m such a pervert. I need to get out of here before she sees me!

I can’t help but stare at her as she’s laying there twitching from her euphoria. I reach for the door to carefully close it before I realize I wasn’t quick enough.

“Oh my god!” She shouts as she pulls the covers over her body to cover her modesty. Her face blushing profusely as she stares at me.

I back up quickly with my hands in front of me until my back hits her hallway wall. “I’m so sorry. I heard you calling for me and I thought you were in pain. I swear I didn’t mean to walk in on you!” I blurt out quickly not even realizing my own mistake. Charlotte just stares at me with a shocked and bewildered look on her face.

“I’ll go, truly I’m so sorry about this, Ma’am.” I say with my eyes directed at the floor as I pray my rock-hard erection isn’t as obvious as it feels in my form fitting suit. Right as I turn to run back towards the window I hear her again.

“Wait! Please wait!”

Her eyes are wide as she slowly begins to smirk as I turn back around to face her, my eyes still drawn to the floor.

“I didn’t call out for Superman. I called out for Clark.” She says and I glance up at her with wide eyes as saucers as I realize that I had just outed my own secret. My cheeks blush and I can’t put together a single thought to respond to what she just said.

We stare at each other for what feels like minutes even though it’s only just a few seconds.

“I knew I was onto something. You’re always MIA around when Superman is on the news fighting crime, and you stiffen up anytime I mention him. You also had to leave early because of a “family emergency” on our third date but seemed confused later when I asked you if everything with your family was okay. That was the same night that serial killer was brought to the police station by Superman in Gotham. I…I hope you know that I won’t ever tell anyone, Clark. I thought you knew that you could trust me.” She says and I step towards her while remaining a safe distance.

“I’m…I’m so sorry, Charlotte. I didn’t mean to lie to you. I do trust you but I’ve had to keep this secret my entire life. I was scared at how easily you caught on. I always knew you were intelligent but I was hoping I could still keep you off of the scent of my deception.” 

“It was really just a theory, but obviously this is my confirmation. Since I’m already more than embarrassed after what you just saw, I guess I really have nothing to lose if I just go ahead and ask you.”

“I’m listening.” I say as I hear her heartrate begin to increase steadily.

“Is this why you’ve held back from me? Or are you even interested in dating me? I’m absolutely fine with taking things slow if that’s what you want. I can’t help my old insecurities that make me wonder if you’re even attracted to me and are serious about taking things further with us.” She says with the sweetest innocence and I can’t help but walk towards her and reach out to stroke her cheek. She pulls for me to sit down beside her and I can’t resist.

“I am absolutely interested in dating you, sweetheart. If you only knew how infatuated I am with you, it might frighten you. You are my dream girl, the one I think about each night, and the one person I feel like truly sees to my soul, even when you only knew half of my identity. I see a future for us, Charlotte, which is why I was scared. I was scared that you would run if you found out who I am. I was scared you then might only be interested in me because I’m Superman. Simple Clark just can’t compete with all of the Superman fanfare. What scares me the most is that you could be used as a pawn by dangerous people. I can’t fathom putting you in harm's way. People could come after me and find you to use against me. Being Superman ruined my last and only real relationship so I guess I felt that if I kept ours in limbo, I could still have the time I crave with you while also not losing you. I was afraid to let you in because of my own fears. It has absolutely nothing to do with you. I can’t even begin to tell you how hard it was to not kiss you during our dates or come into your apartment when you invited me. I’m so sorry if I made you feel anything other than absolutely adored. I’m out of my element and have no idea what I’m doing.” Clark says the last part with an embarrassed chuckle.

“Clark, I understand your fears and your sense of self-preservation. I do it too. I often feel like I’ve built the walls around my heart too high in order to protect myself from heartache but each moment I’ve spent with you seems to lower them. I see a potential future with you too which is terrifying and exhilarating all at once because I don’t want to be heartbroken again. I guess what I’m trying to say is that you are worth the risk.  I’m not afraid of you, or being with you. I’m not going anywhere. I want you in any and every form and I won’t run away. You are the only person that has made me feel alive again in years.”

Clark smiles triumphantly before leaning down and kissing Charlotte passionately. After kissing her for several minutes, she slowly pulls back to catch her breath.

“So, you’ve seen mine… When do I get to see yours? Fair is fair.” Charlotte looks up at me sultrily as she runs her hands up and down my arms.

“Are you certain that is what you want?” I smirk as I arch my eyebrow at her.

She nods as she sits up on her knees and drops the blanket that was covering her body only clad in a thin white tank top. 

“Only if you want too.” She seductively bites her lip as she trails her fingers down my torso and gently cups my bulge that is swelling indecently against my tight suit. 

“Holy shit!” She murmurs quietly as she presses against my engorged erection and I can’t help but chuckle.

Before I even think I’m unzipping and tugging my suit off of my body at super speed before leaning over her and ripping her tank top from her torso. She squeals in excitement as I lean over her pressing our hot naked bodies against each other while pulling her into a zealous kiss.  

“You don’t know how long I’ve fantasized about having you like this, Lottie. I’ve wanted you to be mine from the moment I saw you.” I say as I touch all over her beautiful body.

“Ditto, which you obviously know since you got a front row seat to my indecent fantasies about you.” She says with a little giggle as I begin kissing down her torso after having already sucked on her pert breasts.

I make my way down her body as I become face to face with her hot, dripping core. I smell the sweet arousal coming from her and when I look up at her for permission she quickly nods as she reaches to caress my cheek. I smirk at her before I begin feasting on her sweet petals and sucking on her clit. 

“Oh my god, Clark!” She almost yells while her hands tug against my hair as she begins gyrating her hips to increase the pleasure she is receiving from my mouth. I continue for a few minutes as I feel her begin to stiffen from her orgasm. I continue to lick her gently through her orgasm but decide that I’m not finished with her yet. I want to give her an orgasm so earth shattering that she squirts her arousal all over my face. She shouts as I shove my finger into her opening, quickly followed by a second one. I curl my fingers and search for her g-spot. 

I know quickly that I’ve found it when her back arches off of the bed and she yells, “Fuck! Clark! Right there!” 

I begin shoving my fingers against the soft spongey spot while my tongue continues to flick over her clit. 

“I think I’m gonna… oh shit Clark! This feels different! Oh my god!” She squeals as her body arches off of the bed and she begins to squirt. The sounds of her squelching and dripping are lewd as I continue to work her through it. Her body almost convulses around my assault and I preen at her filthy moans. I am doing everything to keep from blowing my load on her bed. I watch as Charlotte’s whole body quickly becomes jelly-like as her muscles relax and I lightly kiss her thighs. 

“That was beautiful, baby.” I say as I press small kisses on her hips and abdomen.

“Did I? Oh my god, Clark. Did I just squirt?” She asks as her cheeks are beet red.

“You sure did baby. Soaked my face and almost made me blow my load. Did it feel good?”

“Yes, but I’m so embarrassed. I’m so sor...” She began to say before I quickly cut her off with a kiss. 

“Don’t you ever apologize for that sweetheart. That was a pure masterpiece and I hope I’ll get you to do it again at some point. I don’t think I’ve ever been this turned on.” I admit before kissing her again.

“Now it’s your turn.” She smiles as she attempts to push me to the bed. It’s like a kitten trying to push a lion over which makes me grin before I quickly concede and lay on my back. 

“Babygirl, you don’t have too. I’m just happy to give you pleasure.” I tell her.

“Oh no, Mr. Kent. I’m not missing an opportunity to taste you.” Charlotte says as she begins moving down my body. I can barely lay still once she reaches my manhood and I feel her warm breath where I need her most. I groan as I take in the sight of her tiny hand wrapping around my girth as she begins to kitten lick along my length. I groan as she looks at me doe eyed before she takes me in her mouth. She has the mouth of a goddess and I’m already close before she even adds her tiny hand to pump what wouldn’t fit. I reach down and grab her long beautiful hair into a makeshift ponytail so I can watch her. I feel her tiny hand begin pulsing around my balls and groan loudly. I can’t help myself as I watch her steady herself before taking my entire length to her throat. She gags as her nose reaches my skin and she slightly pulls off before doing it again. Saliva is dripping from her chin as she continues working my cock.

“Babygirl, I’m gonna cum. You need to...fuck… stop if you don’t want it in your mouth.” 

She moans around my length as she doubles her effort and the vibrations feel heavenly. That’s all it took for me to reach my high and explode down her throat.

My body shivers in aftershocks due to the oversensitivity as Y/N continues to suck around the head of my cock and massage my balls. I look down and see that she’s swallowed everything and is smiling brightly at me. I reach down and pull her up my body as I immediately begin kissing her breathless. 

“Darling, that was incredible. Thank you.” I smile at her before I kiss down her neck. 

*CHARLOTTE POV*

My mind is empty of every thought due to the alarm bells and “OMG THIS IS ACTUALLY HAPPENING” screaming repeatedly in my head. I’m trying my best to play it off, but my fantasy is coming true and it’s even better than I ever could have imagined. Clark is not only the best kisser I’ve ever experienced, but he has the body of a Greek God. Well, in this case, he has a body of a superhero. I’ve been doing my best not to sound needy but heavens, I need him inside of me.

“Clark” I say as he continues to press gentle kisses behind my ear and the column of my neck.

“Yes angel?” 

“Please tell me I don’t have to wait long for you to be inside of me. I need you.”

He smirks above me as I feel his rigid cock against my abdomen. It didn’t go soft after his orgasm. “You want me right now?” I nod enthusiastically. 

“Spread your legs for me sweetheart. Take what you want.” Clark says huskily in my ear. For a man who seemed so reserved and shy, he has all of the confidence in the world when it comes to the bedroom. As he should!

I smile wildly as his chest vibrates against my own with a low growl as I reach his hard length and pump him a few times against my slick before pressing him to my entrance.

“Oh my god!”

“Shit!” 

We both speak simultaneously as he seats himself fully inside of me. It feels like he is reaching my lungs as he gives me a moment to adjust around his ginormous cock.

“God, Clark! You’re huge!” 

“Are you okay? Do you want me to stop?” Clark frets even though he hasn’t moved inside of me.

“Fuck no!” I respond almost breathlessly as I wrap my hands around his biceps tightly. 

“I’ve just never been with someone as big as you. I’m okay. You can move now.”

Clark carefully pulls almost completely out of me before gently sliding all the way back in. 

“Baby girl, you are so tight and warm. You feel incredible.” He says as he starts building up a gentle rhythm. 

“You won’t break me, baby. You can go harder.” 

“I could if I’m not careful, Sweetheart. I don’t want to hurt you.”

“I will tell you if it starts to hurt, I swear. Relax, baby.” I say before kissing him enthusiastically. He reaches and cups my tits in his hands, massaging them gently.

Clark watches me carefully before taking a breath and slamming into me roughly. His pubic bone slamming into my clit making me shriek with the sensation.

“How’s that for harder?” He whispers.

“Oh, fuck yes, baby! Just like that! You feel so good inside of me.” I whine as my hands scratch down his back without even making a mark on his strong impenetrable skin.

“That’s right, sweet girl. I can tell you’re close. Come all over my cock. Squeeze me.” He says as my body begins milking him. 

“CLARK!” I shout.

“Call me Kal, baby. When I’m balls deep inside this sweet pussy, I want you to call me Kal.” He says with the most shit eating grin while never slowing his pace.

“Oh my god, Kal!” I moan just before my eyes roll back and I instantly come all over him.

“Fuck yes, this is the tightest little pussy in the world. So beautiful and wet and snug around me.” He grunts as he continues to slam into me. Before I realize it, he’s sitting me up in his lap so that our chests are against each other and my legs are wrapped around his waist. Clark grabs the back of my neck to press himself even closer to me as I brace my hands on his shoulders. 

“Just when I thought you couldn’t possibly become more beautiful….” Clark whispers into my ear as he grabs my ass to help me move on top of him.

“Watching your gorgeous body tremble in ecstasy is the most incredible thing I’ve ever seen, Angel.”

Clark plants his feet against the floor and begins wildly thrusting as I rotate my hips in his lap. His hands are most likely leaving bruises on my hips but I don’t even care.

“I want you to come inside of me, baby. I need to feel you fill me up. I’m on the pill. Please?” I speak against his ear between his heavy thrusts into me and clench down on him at his responding moan. What has gotten into me? I’ve never let a man come inside of me. This isn’t just any man though, and I am absolutely feral for him.

“Only if you come with me.” He grunts.

“I can’t… it’s too much.” I tell him as my body shakes against him.

“Yes, you can, baby.” He reaches between us and presses his thumb on my clit. I cry out from overstimulation but realize I’m almost there.

“Kal, right there! I’m so close!”

“Come baby. Soak me.” He says as he continues to pleasure me and a moment later I have the most blinding orgasm of my life. I swear that I feel like I am floating as I hear Clark grunt and release a deep baritone moan as his warm come coats my inner walls. My body is shaking with tingles to all of my extremities as I am encased in pure bliss. When I finally somewhat come to, I realize I wasn’t just floating from my orgasm, Clark and I were actually floating above my bed. Clark’s head is resting on the junction of my neck and shoulder when I quickly press closer to him and wrap my arms around his neck to keep from falling.

Clark chuckles as he gently sets us down on the bed. “I guess you would’ve found out my secret eventually. I just came so hard that I literally levitated.” 

I giggle and press my lips to his. “I didn’t freak you out, did I?”

“Not at all. I think it’s really cool that you are Superman, Kal;” I say as I stroke a curl that has fallen onto his forehead. “but the man that I have been falling in love with is Clark. He is all I need. The rest is just a bonus. If you’ll have me of course.”

Clark rests his forehead against my own as he gives me the most panty dropping smile. “You don’t know how much that means to me, sweetheart. Will you be my girl?”

“I would love nothing more.” I respond with a sweet kiss. The rest of the weekend is spent wrapped in each other.

[talkfastwalkfaster]

Serenity ~ Ben Kenobi x Reader

☾ ⋆*･ﾟ:⋆*･ﾟ☾ ⋆･ﾟ:⋆･ﾟ☾ ⋆･ﾟ:⋆･ﾟ☾ ⋆･ﾟ:⋆･ﾟ☾ ⋆･ﾟ:⋆･ﾟ☾ ⋆･ﾟ:⋆･ﾟ☾ ⋆･ﾟ:⋆･ﾟ☾ ⋆･ﾟ:⋆･ﾟ

A/N: this is set about 5 years after rots. reader is about 27 & obi-wan is 43. i was going to make a valentine anakin fic but that plan moved so enjoy my other love, hermit obi-wan. this is my first time writing smut so it might not be the best. also, if you have any feedback, it's welcomed & appreciated :)♡ WC: 3,041 Warnings: MDNI, smut, some angst

☾ ⋆*･ﾟ:⋆*･ﾟ☾ ⋆･ﾟ:⋆･ﾟ☾ ⋆･ﾟ:⋆･ﾟ☾ ⋆･ﾟ:⋆･ﾟ☾ ⋆･ﾟ:⋆･ﾟ☾ ⋆･ﾟ:⋆･ﾟ☾ ⋆･ﾟ:⋆･ﾟ☾ ⋆･ﾟ:⋆･ﾟ

Tatooine was known for its extremely warm temperatures, but today was worse than ever. Ben was drenched in sweat the entire day, making him wish they could afford a cooling system to install within their home. 

He noticed you never seemed to sweat as extensively as he did. He assumed it was because you were a native of the planet. 

“(y/n), are you certain that our animals will survive this weather?" Ben called out from the entrance of your home. His thoughts were consumed by his trusted stead, Eopie may have been able to sustain this weather in previous times, but that didn't ease his worries.

Ben headed into your house and over to the kitchen where you had been for the past few minutes. 

He rested his hand on your lower back and peered over your shoulder to watch you chop up some vegetables for dinner. If he was honest, he was a little envious that this heat was seemingly not affecting you as it was him.

Your mouth formed into a small smile as you continued cutting vegetables, “I’m certain, Ben, they’ve survived hotter weather than this before. They’ll be fine.”

He exhaled, his shoulders deflating as he continued to gaze at you. He knew his worries were futile, yet his concerns wouldn’t falter. “I know, I know. I just can’t help but worry for them.” 

This was his life now, he had accepted becoming a farmer ages ago, but there was still a lot more that he would have to come to terms with; he was still haunted by memories of the war, watching Anakin fall to the dark side, watching Qui-Gon die, watching Satine die, watching his beloved Commander and battalion turn against him in the blink of an eye…

He rubbed the back of his neck, attempting to shake the weight that always seemed to be weighing him down. “I suppose it’s just the heat getting on my nerves. It feels as though the heat of a hundred suns is shining down. I don’t know how you’re acting all nonchalant, I feel like I might as well be burning and yet you’ve barely broken a sweat.”

You glanced over your shoulder to look at him, “Well I have lived here all my life, I’m used to the heat.” The truth was that the heat always did manage to bother you a little, but you had grown up in the scalding temperatures, you were, unfortunately, accustomed to them. It made no sense for you to complain about it. 

“I don’t know how you do it if it’s not the heat that’s unbearable, it’s the awful sandstorms that are always passing through here,” Ben complained. Despite having lived on Tatooine for a while now, it seemed as though no matter what he did, he could never get used to the heat. His mind digressed toward Anakin and his hatred toward this planet, and he finally seemed to understand his point of view. But Ben quickly pushed that thought away as his heart ached each time his mind brought up his former student. 

He was brought out of his trance by the sound of your voice. “You’ll get used to them. Sure, they might not be ideal but Tatooine isn’t as bad as it could be. I mean the war never came here and the Empire has little interest in this planet. The weather may not be perfect and there are always things that could be improved here, but i can’t think of living anywhere else,” You mused. You knew that Ben got stuck in his head easily and you’ve known him long enough to see the signs of it. 

His brow always started to furrow and he stroked his beard, seemingly without even realizing it. You’ve figured out that the best way to bring him back to the present was to talk about where you are. Even though you’re not necessarily fond of praising Tatooine, he needs it, and that’s all that matters to you. 

“I wish I had as much patience as you do, my dear,” he sighed, taking in another deep breath. 

It all seemed so normal, this was a conversation that any couple could have. To any outsiders, you two would be seen as a regular husband and wife, like any other married couple in the galaxy. Ben was slowly starting to feel content with his life here, he could almost forget everything that happened five years prior. He could almost pretend that he did not come to Tatooine because of his failure, that he didn’t have to go into hiding, and that his life didn’t completely spiral because of one order.

Your face softened, knowing how difficult it’s been for Ben. It always seemed as though he was unable to completely move forward, despite his best attempts, because of whatever happened in his past. “Well, you've only been here what, 5 years? You have to give yourself time to adjust, sweetheart."

A faint smile stretched across his lips when you called him ‘sweetheart’. It was the most endearing pet name you had ever given him and he felt a warmness throughout his chest whenever you used it. It made him feel normal, he didn’t have to worry about his former life as Jedi Master and General Obi-Wan Kenobi anymore, he could just be Ben, your husband.

He chuckled softly, watching as you began to cook the vegetables before wrapping his arms around your waist from behind. “I know, darling, I know…” he nuzzled his face into the crook of your neck and sighed, breathing in the scent of you, something that always relaxed him.

As you cooked, your mind briefly wandered to Coruscant, Ben had once mentioned that he was born and lived most of his life there. You wondered if the planet was anything similar to Tatooine or if it was the complete opposite. You had always wanted to ask him more about his past, what he was like before you met him 3 years ago, and yet, for some reason, you could never bring yourself to give in to those desires.

However, as the two of you stood in the kitchen, you believed that now would be a better time than any to ask him, seeing as this was the first time in a while that he was truly beginning to relax. You hummed softly, attempting to keep the peaceful environment that had been created, “You said you were from Coruscant right? Is it very different from here?”

Ben stiffened slightly from his position behind you before forcing himself to relax, he knew you had no ill intent with your question. If this was any other time, he would have avoided your prodding, but for once, he decided to indulge you, even if only slightly. “It’s very different from here, my dear.” he held you tighter and kept his head resting in the crook of your neck, your familiar scent had always given him a sense of peace and calmness, something which he craved, wishing he could forever be engulfed in it.

“Coruscant makes Tatooine look like a ghost town. It’s full of large buildings and many different levels. You could always hear the buzzing of speeders and people clamoring to numerous places,” Ben paused for a second, wondering how much more he should tell you, before ultimately deciding it’s best to keep it brief, “Let’s just say there was never a dull moment there, my love.”

You decided to push your luck, desperately wanting to know more about your husband. You murmured, as if trying not to startle Ben with your next question, “Do you ever miss it?”

His heart immediately constricted at the thought, though he quickly dismissed it. There was no reason for him to start dwelling on what-ifs, this was his life now, and there was no changing the past. “My life there? No, not at all,” he replied quickly, the lie coming out easy. 

This has become a type of dance for him, every once in a while you would try to inquire about his past and he would always find ways to avoid giving too much detail. He would only ever respond vaguely enough to not make you suspicious while also satisfying your curiosity. He couldn’t bring himself to tell you what his past life actually entailed, it was still too raw, too painful. He didn’t want you to worry either. He knew that he couldn’t hide who he once was from you forever, but he couldn’t tell you today, not now. 

Ben rested his chin on your shoulder and muttered “I wouldn’t want to go back.” A half-truth, he’s not as fond of the planet as he used to be, but it still holds some sentimental value to him. It’s not that he would never want to go back to Coruscant, it’s that he can’t. If he ever tried he knew the Empire would be on him as soon as he was even remotely close to the planet’s atmosphere. 

You finished cooking the vegetables and raised your eyebrows slightly surprised, not expecting that answer from him. “Never?” you inquired, feeling slightly bewildered. “You’d really never want to go back? Was it that bad?”

Ben held you tighter and exhaled, that part of him died years ago. To him, Obi-Wan died the moment he left Anakin to die on Mustafar — he had been, in a way, reborn as Ben. He was just Ben Kenobi, a simple farmer, and your husband. Nothing more, nothing less. “It was fine, nothing particularly interesting happened to me when I lived there,” he lied again, giving you a soft kiss on the side of your neck hoping that this topic of discussion would die out soon.

You sighed at his words and murmured, “Dinner’s ready.” You decided to let the topic drop, knowing that he wasn’t exactly telling you the truth, but you hoped that one day he would trust you enough to let you completely in. 

The two of you ate dinner in silence, both of you seemingly lost in your thoughts. Ben had intrigued you from the start. You had met him at a market in Mos Espa, and he immediately stood out to you. From the way that he held himself to the way he talked. He looked like someone who had seen the galaxy, who had actually experienced life, something you had always wished to do but never had the luxury. His eyes — his beautiful, entrancing sapphire grey eyes that were like pools of sorrow. They showed a variety of complex emotions, something that made you want nothing more than to break down his highly built-walls and see who he truly was. 

Ben was never one to speak much while eating, he felt there was no need to fill the silence with meaningless chatter — he wanted to just enjoy being with you, you were everything to him. 

He had never thought that he would be able to have this, that he’d be able to feel happy again. For the first two years that he had lived on Tatooine, he had expected that he would be alone forever, that he had deserved to live a life of isolation. But then you came along and completely wrecked all those painful thoughts. 

Ben hadn’t realized that he was being completely quiet, he was still processing that he was married and a farmer — he never thought this was how his life would turn out. “Thank you for the dinner dear,” he remarked appreciatively. 

The corners of your mouth turned upward and your eyes brightened ever so slightly at his gratitude, “You’re welcome. I’m sorry though, I know it’s not much-”

He interrupted, “Don’t worry yourself, it’s perfect… You’re the best, you know that?”

You held back a smile, unable to resist teasing him a little. “Am I now?”

Ben brought your hand up to his lips and kissed the palm gently, “You certainly are, my dear. You are the best thing to happen to me in years and I wouldn’t have it any other way."

You leaned forward and kissed him, deciding that no words would be able to encapsulate how you felt towards him.

His heart fluttered as you kissed him, it was so tender and he was more than willing to return it. Your lips were soft and inviting, and he couldn’t resist pulling you into his lap, his hands gently caressing your face. In response, you wrapped your arms around his neck, desperately wanting to be closer to him.

You couldn’t help but moan softly into the kiss, your body was reacting to his and you were so comfortable being in his arms. He was all you needed in life, there wasn’t anything else that mattered. His hands slowly drifted down and began rubbing small circles on the small of your back. 

Your heartbeat quickened as the two of you pulled apart, the feeling of kissing him was intoxicating. You started to subtly grind your hips down, desperate for any type of friction. 

Ben gasped softly at your ministrations and quickly connected your lips again. The kiss between the two of you was full of love and passion. Your hands were everywhere, one wrapped behind his neck and your other around his shoulder, as if you were trying to entangle yourself with him.

Ben deepened the kiss, his tongue darting out and exploring your mouth. He couldn’t take it anymore and picked you up, heading straight for your shared bedroom. Your arms were tightly wrapped around his neck and you kissed all over his face and neck as he took you to the room. 

Once you reached the bedroom he gently laid you down on the bed and slowly made his way on top of you, wanting to savor each moment. He propped himself up on his elbows and looked at you with an expression that could only be described as pure, devoted love before lowering himself and kissing you again, this time slower and more intimate than he had previously. 

Without breaking the kiss, he started to tenderly remove your tunic from your body, revealing your naked top to his gaze. The rest of your clothes were quickly removed and thrown off the bed as Ben began to kiss you everywhere — your neck, your shoulders, your chest, anywhere he could get his lips on. His hands slowly made their way down your chest, squeezing and massaging your breasts before finally heading towards your neglected pussy. You were completely entranced by his touch, his hands were sending shivers throughout your entire body, making you tremble with anticipation.

You whimpered in pleasure as his hands moved downward and he inserted one finger into your dripping folds while lightly rubbing circles on your clit with his thumb.  You hastily tugged on his own tunic, stripping him until both of you were naked on the bed. You grasped his shoulders and spread your legs open wider, inviting him to come closer. Ben slotted himself in between your thighs and hovered on top of you, his arms caging you in. 

Ben shifted slightly, slipping one hand in between your bodies to grasp his cock. He dragged the tip of it through your folds a couple of times before finally sinking into you. You moaned as he pressed himself closer to you, wrapping your legs around his waist as you adjusted to the size of his cock. 

You gripped his shoulders tighter, nails digging into his skin as you begged, “Ben, please, move.”

He slowly began to rock his hips, not wanting to rush this moment. The love between the two of you was palpable, your bodies fit together perfectly as if you were made for each other.  He moved his head to your neck, pressing soft kisses into the crook of it. He knew right then that everything he went through was worth it if this was his fate. All of his struggles and hardships faded away as if all that mattered was you and him. 

Your moans grew louder as he gradually picked up his pace, the wet squelching sounds of your skin meeting filled the room. Your nails raked down his back, pleasure completely filling your senses, the only thought on your mind was Ben. 

As your lips met again, the kiss was tender yet rough, a juxtaposition that seemed to also perfectly describe your husband. You could feel your orgasm looming, squeezing his cock and pulling him deeper into you. He moaned into the kiss, his hips stuttered, spilling inside of you, coating your insides with his cum. His orgasm triggered your own, whining loudly as you spasmed around him, your whole body trembling as you rode out your high.

The two of you laid there for a while, basking in each other’s presence before he slowly pulled out of you, the mixture of your cum slowly running down your pussy and thighs. 

You leaned up and gently kissed the side of his mouth, “I love you, Ben.”

A soft smile grew on his lips, his heart was overflowing with his love for you. He had never felt like this with anyone but you — you were his person and he was yours, you were perfectly suited. He had no doubt in his mind that you were his soulmate, and he’d thank the Maker that the Force led him to you. “I love you too, my dear.”

You looked up at him lovingly, knowing that this was where you were meant to be, everything seemed right, everything made sense, when you were with him and you wouldn’t have it any other way. You knew in the back of your mind that you still had ways to go with Ben, but in this moment, none of that mattered, you’d have him in any way you could.

He exhaled and pressed his forehead against your shoulder — leaning against you in this way felt very nice. His body, mind, and soul felt rejuvenated just by being in your presence.

The two of you shifted so that you were laying your head on his chest and your legs were intertwined. Slowly you and Ben drifted asleep, your bodies, minds, and souls forever entwined.

[wonijinjin]

lean on me

author’s note: this was inspired by the conversation kwannie and shua had in the soop, recommended song is seventeen vocal unit’s don’t listen in secret.

synopsis: when life has you struggling jeonghan is there to pull you up.

word count: 1.0k | genre: fluff, hurt/comfort | pairing: jeonghan x gn! reader | warnings: mentions of mental health and reader struggling with their studies

when jeonghan entered your apartment it was almost midnight. after putting his keys on the table in the hallway he switched on the lights and put his shoes away. the house was silent; it was a bit unusual as you had always waited for him to come home, but he assumed you must had fallen asleep on the couch (as it had happened before), so the living room was exactly where his legs brought him first. he couldn’t find you, but he saw a dim light at the end of the hallway, so he followed the source of the lamp. he slowly and quietly tiptoed into the bedroom and the sight which welcomed him hurt his heart. there you were, sitting in your chair, head on your crossed arms, slumped over, fast asleep. papers and notebooks laying scattered all across the desk, the hue of your laptop screen shining brightly over your closed eyes. he walked closer to your sleeping form, only noticing how tired you looked at that moment; the bags under those once sparkling orbs dulling the aura of your beautiful face, lips dry from you probably not consuming enough water during the day, which he always tells you to do, but you forget anyways. he touched your face, light as a feather, pulling your hair out of your face so he could kiss your cheeks, only to realise they were stained with tears. “my angel…what hurt you to cry?” he whispered more to himself than to you. you were so precious to him, and his heart ached every time you were not your usual cheerful self. he always tried to help you and solve every problem with you, together, not leaving you to suffer in silence. however, he was puzzled, had you really been struggling lately? he noticed the way you were always trapped in your room, studying a lot, barely coming out to see him, but he didn’t mind, he knew how important your grades were to you, even if he wished sometimes you could spend more time together. why hadn’t he said something sooner? these questions were floating around in his head when you stirred in your sleep. he crouched next to your head and gave you a tender kiss on the apple of your cheek. “hello sleeping beauty.” he whispered into your ear. you opened your eyes, adjusting to the light from the computer. “how long have you been at it, hm, angel?” he asked, pointing at your desk. “wait..i fell asleep?” you said, confused. “you sure did, it is past midnight already, i just got back home. y/n, you really need to take more breaks.” he cupped your cheeks, making you look into his doe eyes with so much adoration in them.

to be honest, you had no idea this much time had passed since you fell asleep; you were so exhausted, studying day and night, university seemed to be much more difficult in the last few months, making you sacrifice all your free time, social life, relationship with jeonghan, and mental health for it. you felt like everyone was ahead of you, everyone was so smart, excluding you, of course. jeonghan would always try to help you out with the material, but he was a busy man, all his schedules leaving him with little time to spare aswell. moreover, you didn’t want to burden him with your stupid little problems, you didn’t want to seem like you couldn’t solve them on your own, clinging to him like some kid. so, you kept everything to yourself. unfortunately for you, it looked like he had caught onto your struggles. you were snapped out of your daze when jeonghan moved his hand in front of your face.

“hey, baby. is everything alright though, angel? you have been crying.” he asked, worry written all over his features. before you could react the burnout you had been trying to surpress and hide from him came to the surface. “hannie, i can’t do it anymore.” you held your breath, tears welling up in your eyes. he cooed at the sight. “aw, my baby, you have been struggling lately, haven’t you?” he whispered softly, hugging you. “i noticed it. i always notice it, but i don’t want to push you into sharing it with me if you are not comfortable. however, you need to understand that you don’t have to do this alone. i know how hard you work every day, angel.” your cries intensified, to which on instict he took you into his arms, rocking you. “it is so hard, hannie. so so hard. which is even harder that i cannot even confess it to myself, that i am struggling. i want to tell you, but it is very hard, hannie.” you whispered, voice weaker than he had ever heard. “i know angel, i know. you don’t have to talk. let’s just stay like this for a bit.” he kissed your hair, patting it with his hand. “this is it for today. you did so much work, let’s get you into bed now, shall we?” you just nodded silently, still shaken up, but relieved at the same time that you got it off your chest. “we will figure something out in the morning on how to help you. you need to learn how not to overwork yourself angel, because it pains me to see you so tired.” he stroked your face slowly. he picked you up from the chair, putting you on the bed. “wait here for me, i will put your things away from the desk angel. i will be back in a minute.” he stepped away from you. “hannie! come to bed with me, okay? you must be tired too!” you whined, surpassing a yawn. “aw my angel you are so cute, i can see how this day of studying drained you.” he looked at you softly, already returning to embrace you. “okay, let’s sleep now. only one last thing.” he said curtly. “what is it?” you questioned, looking at him expectantly. “who’s baby are you, angel?” he whispered into the corwn of you head. “yours hannie.”

[everybodyhatesmiddleschool]

It has been six excruciating days since I was plunged into the Bridgerton fandom against my will.

I was minding my own business, watching YouTube compilations of the best kisses in TV history, when I unwittingly clicked on a video about Colin and Penelope, and I was immediately down so bad for them.

Let me be clear: Bridgerton was not part of my life before I clicked on that video. I wanted nothing to do with it; I had no intention of ever watching or reading that smut. And then, without warning, it swept in and took me in the night, much like Colin Bridgerton in the back of a carriage.

To say I have been lost in the sauce these past six days would be a gross understatement. The carriage scene is literally ruining my life. I haven’t gone to sleep before 1 a.m. since Sunday, and I have been over an hour late to work every day. Why? Because I cannot stop consuming that godforsaken scene — watching gifs of it over and over, reading y’all’s hilarious takes and memes about it, watching it with the audio descriptions turned on (🥵), watching it with the music removed (🥵🥵), watching Luke and Nicola on their press tour, watching, watching, watching.

Have I started actually watching season 1 of the show? Of course. Did I check out the large-print version of the first book from the library since it was the only copy available? You bet. But I do not care about these other characters and storylines. I want it to be Colin and Penelope on the screen and the page in every sentence and every scene.

And either fortunately or unfortunately, I don’t even have to be looking at a screen to be distracted by them — my daydreaming has never been as maladaptive in my life as it has been this week. I can hardly think of one ten-minute stretch in the past six days in which some imaginary scenario has not been taking over my brain. I want to be part of their world so bad — not just Bridgerton, but Shondaland. As is the case for 90% of all of my daydreams, I want these actors to know I exist. I want them to look at me with just as much awe and love as I look at them. So I might be staring at my computer screen in my cubicle, but in my mind, I’m on a press tour of my own that intersects with theirs. (I’m never the desperate fan with no life in my dreams; my idols always see me as their equal). I might be driving my commute in my car, but in my mind, they’re congratulating me about my own novel being optioned by Netflix. I might be brushing my teeth in my bathroom, but in my mind, we’re laughing together on Graham Norton’s couch.

But Lord, here comes that freaking carriage scene once again, inserting itself into my mind (pun unavoidable). I cannot get over it. I’m so stuck there that I’ve found myself wearing shoes I don’t remember putting on, carrying coffee mugs I don’t remember putting in my bag, driving a speed limit I don’t remember agreeing to as acceptable. There is laundry that needs to be folded. Bills need to be paid. Emails need to be deleted en masse without reading. But I can’t find the door that will let me out of this damn carriage.

I had a conversation with myself two days ago about how we might be able to adapt to this new living situation. After a few temper tantrums, I finally said, “Girl, if you’re going to watch this scene 1,000 times, you have got to find a way to make it a constructive part of your life.” So I did what any rational adult would do: I started writing a scholarly paper about why it’s so powerful — not just for me but, according to the internet, for a lot of women. And I have every intention of writing an entire paper about this … if I can find the time. I’m just so busy right now with consuming this damn scene.

Was starting to write that article enough to satiate my obsession with this scene, with this show and these actors? Of course not. So this morning, I started writing a spicy scene of my own, featuring not Colin and Penelope but two other vaguely outlined characters who I’m sure I’ll give names and personalities to later. I was literally sitting in my cubicle, hunched over my planner, writing down snippets of sexiness in as small a print as possible in case someone walked up on me and looked over my shoulder without me noticing. And I’m not gonna lie: this shit’s good. I’ve never written smut before, because I’ve never had enough spice in my own life to feel like I’d be able to do it justice on paper. But that imagination of mine — she’s a freak. And my mind? My mind has moved way past the gutter. It is now in the outhouse. It’s in the slop with the pigs.

It should have come as no surprise, but as usual, the act of actually writing down the jumble of mess in my brain has had the effect of breaking some of the spell. I was also forced to focus on work because of looming deadlines, and I currently feel calmer than I have since Sunday. But I am truly living in fear of June 13. I cannot go through this again, and I know that I’m bound to, because I know that what’s been shown so far won’t hold a candle to what’s coming. And if I get down bad any further, I will be deep enough in the ground for this to become my final resting place. I’m not ready to be buried, but it feels inevitable.

But somehow, despite my own wants and fears, and despite the fact that we haven’t even been introduced yet to the bedroom where Colin and Penelope are sure to end up, I am somehow already lurking from behind the window curtains in the corner, peeking out at them doing the deed. I know what I hope I’ll see: based on the excerpt I’ve seen from the book, they will be in front of a mirror — expressly because Colin wants Penelope to see herself in full for the glorious goddess she is, and she will look at her sexy, bare self with just as much pride and love as we viewers behind the screen will (but probably with slightly less lust than Colin, who I pray will be very loud about how hot she is).

I am dreaming about this scene, but I dread it. Because if it’s as good as the carriage scene, I will immediately be re-enscripted and sent right back to the trenches where I spent the last six days. I’m excited, but I’m scared. And I’m afraid of getting lost in the woods again, because I know that if I do, I won’t want to be found.

[purpurussy]

what is all of this like for post-hiatus phannies?

I've been trying to figure out how to phrase this for a minute. The most obvious comparison would be that it's like starting a TV show 10 seasons in, but that doesn't come remotely close to the amount of required reading necessary to understand even 5% of the references. This has not been a problem for me, as I love nothing more than a good all-consuming hyperfixation rabbit hole, but something I'm realizing is that you really just had to be there to fully Understand.

I got into d&p properly in December of 2023, when gamingmas appealed to my emotionally curious nature and then gave me some kind of irreversible brain damage which I'm still trying to process. Since then I've been consuming their back catalogue as though it's laced with cocaine, and obsessively lurking on phannie tumblr until I finally made this blog a few weeks ago.

-

I actually watched Dan's videos for a little while back in roughly 2013/2014, but something about his content back then just wasn't working for me like it does now (I have such a clear memory of watching Reasons Why Dan’s A Fail and thinking "aw man why does this cute little twink hate himself so much 😔" and then going back to watching Jenna Marbles lmao. Funnily enough it did make me change my negative self-talk a little bit). I was very much a brief casual viewer who went off them pretty much after watching a few videos, and after that I was sort of vaguely aware of them as the cultural icons of the 2010s that they were, but I wasn't keeping up with them at all. 

I don't even remember BIG coming out, which is insane because I've always been extremely chronically online and it definitely broke containment as a cultural moment (although I think I was trying to minimize my social media use at that point in my life, so maybe that's why it went over my head). I feel like I must have heard something about it at the time, though, because I knew they were gay when I started watching them last year. What's really strange is that a lot of this stuff is kinda timeless to me. I don't remember it happening 5, 10 or 15 years ago - I just witnessed it very recently. For a lot of you guys, BIG happened 5 years ago, but I just watched it for the first time a few months ago. At the same time, in my mind they've just always been gay, since I wasn't in the trenches of the unhinged online culture surrounding them in the early/mid 2010s. It's so confusing to balance my weird temporal perception of these events with the impressions that I get from you guys. Oftentimes I have to judge roughly when something would have happened based on their appearances - it's not actually a *memory* for me, like it is for you. I absolutely love the dynamic and branding they have now, and the deep dives into their past are more of a curious exploration of how they got here, rather than actually nostalgic (or, I suppose, mildly traumatic) for me. It’s still very interesting and compelling to me, but because I love the current iteration of Dan and Phil, not because I’m emotionally invested in who they used to be. 

Sometimes I’ll be aware that an event happened, but I won’t realize how monumental it was until I see people talking about it (I hate to say it but I genuinely don't fully understand why the BONCAs thing was so earth-shattering, but like I said, I've always lived in a post-BIG universe, and I think you just had to be there). There are also plenty of references to stuff that's just been lost to time, which I have to piece together with context clues, as well as the more unhinged demonic stuff that I just don't have any interest in exploring whatsoever (I think I might have watched the v-day video if I'd been there when it leaked and I was a stupid teenager, but at this point, I don't even feel any kind of morbid curiosity for it. I just feel really bad for them that it got leaked. Plus, unfortunately, I think I've learned all I need to know about it through internet osmosis here). I feel like a lot of these events have a real emotional meaning for you guys, when to me, they're just interesting/funny/insane anecdotes which give some context to everything. Some of the shit that you guys lived through back then is absolutely wild, and I love and appreciate all of you for meticulously archiving and documenting everything and for being so willing to answer the same questions over and over again! Otherwise I feel like I wouldn't be able to really be part of this community, and posting my silly little memes on this blog is so fucking fun. So thank you all for that.

It seems like this is one of the most ride-or-die fanbases I've ever seen. The fact that they could invent the concept of YouTubers doing world tours, successfully execute that multiple times, branch out into several other ventures, come out as gay not fully knowing how that would affect their careers, disappear for several years and then come back knowing that there would be a solid audience waiting for them even after their virality had died down, drop merch every 3 seconds - I don't know who else can really get away with that, for almost 15 years, in the extremely "live fast die young" culture of internet fame. And I think it's in no small part because you all have chronic "unconditionally supporting dan and phil" disease. (While we’re on the topic, I feel very lucky to have missed the hiatus era. There's kind of a compression in the timeline for me between the gaming channel going dark and Dan starting his WAD tour, where it's like that time just doesn't exist in the Dan and Phil cinematic universe for me. It took me a while to realize how insane it must have been when they came back in full force, I can't even imagine how that must have felt.)

Of course, there's a caveat in that I'm saying this only really knowing about the tip of the demon iceberg. I’m aware of people engaging in behaviours such as doxxing them, outing them and stalking their families, which is horrifying in and of itself, but I don’t know how long it went on for or how many people were involved. I think people are generally pretty well-behaved at this point, and most of the drama seems to be between different schools of thought within the fanbase itself. I assume a big part of the reason for that is people's varying degrees of involvement in (and remaining notion of guilt for) the boundary-crossing behaviour from the old days. Living with the spectre of this insanity is kind of strange - it makes me feel nervous sometimes that I’m gonna accidentally say something that hits a nerve, or cross a line I didn’t know existed, because there’s all this history that I don’t fully understand, beyond just the normal unwritten rules for interacting with fan spaces online. 

-

The topic that got me writing this in the first place was the orange heart incident, and everyone’s subsequent meltdown. For me, the excitement in them soft/hard/semi launching is more about me just getting excited about any open, proud expression of queer joy - it heals something inside me every time I hear a man referring to his husband or a woman referring to her wife (excuse the gendered terms, ykwim. gay shit). It's just that sentiment, combined with the fact that I'm parasocially invested in them: I'd love to see that energy from my fave little guys who live inside my computer. I am basically rooting for them to become more comfortable with just talking about gay stuff more openly and candidly, and I guess that would require a bit of a hard launch, although I can understand that they don't want to potentially open the door to excessive questioning regarding their relationship. I feel like it ✨hits different✨ for people who watched them for years before they came out. Like, you guys are rooting for people who you watched in real time struggling with their identities and internalized homophobia for years and years, while to me, they’re just some guys who I’m a fan of. Sometimes I get caught up in the emotional frenzy of their hard-launch breadcrumbs even though I don’t feel quite as insane about it as you guys (I said in some tags a few days ago that it’s like the base instinct to turn around and start running if you see a crowd of people running towards you and screaming in terror, even if you have no idea what’s going on). Anyway, I would love to see them being more gooey with each other, and I am gobbling up the breadcrumbs they're feeding us atm, because I love seeing gay people expressing gay love with no shame 🧡 

I think my perception of them as a couple, or of their sexualities independently, is just kind of an extension of everything Dan said in BIG. I really have no doubt that they're a couple, and I don't feel any kind of weird Catholic guilt in saying that, since I neither witnessed nor participated in the insanity back then. I interpreted (I'm paraphrasing) "obviously we were more than friends, but it was more than just romantic, we're like, actual soulmates" followed by "as for the situation now? we're private people and we'd like to keep that part of our lives private" as him essentially saying that obviously they're a couple, but that their relationship is not part of the Dan And Phil™ Brand. The brand is 2 guys who have great chemistry doing comedy together (5 feet apart even though clearly they are gay and in love). And I think that's a completely healthy decision to make, even irrespective of their history. I think a hard launch would be subtle, and it wouldn’t realistically change the nature of their content that much. 

With that being said, to me, it seems slightly wild for people to adamantly insist they're not a couple, or that it’s “invasive” to assume that they are one (not that that really applies to anyone here, but elsewhere on the internet). If they were a straight man and a straight woman, and there wasn't a huge chunk of people on the internet struggling with this oddly conditioned aversion to seeing them as a couple, then nobody on earth would be insisting that it's weird to assume they're together. Dan confirmed that they became romantically involved around the time they met, and building a forever home with your ex is crazy, that's all there is to it.

-

This is kind of a messy stream of thoughts (it ended up sort of becoming 2 essays for the price of 1) and I don't really know where I was going with it. In conclusion I think that day 1 phannies are braver than any US marine and you have all suffered more than Jesus on the cross, and I'm extremely thankful that I get to reap the rewards of your labour now without having lived through the dark ages myself. I also think some of you are holding onto a bit of unnecessary guilt for dumb shit you said on the internet when you were a kid. And Dan and Phil are gay and I love them and I reeeeaaaallllyyy want them to do a podcast so bad because this is all conjecture and I would parasocially love to hear their actual thoughts on it

[kiefbowl]

this is a random thought I had in the shower actually well over a month ago, but I've been gnawing at it in my brain...and perhaps this is going to sound pathetic and a bit esoteric.

So, it suddenly dawned on me very randomly while I was showering that I have been paying for netflix for my own account since I was a freshman in college. Back in the dvd days, I remember having Firefly sent to me disk by disk my fall semester. This is 2009. It was an important part of college because I let my friends use it on their console and we'd all go to their dorm and watch streaming, and I passed out my log in to a ton of friends. I basically provided free Netflix to more or less 10 or so people over the course of four years for not even $7 a month I think.

What hit me though was that means, this year - that will be 15 years. That's what stopped me in my shower to stare off in the abyss for like 10 minutes and what's been on my mind for the past several weeks. I've been paying netflix for 15 years, which is the longest I've ever done anything. There is no other company I've so consistently paid for like this either, not for that many of years not even close. Quite possibly my longest relationship outside of my family and 2-3 other people. Netflix, the ever constant, of all forsaken things.

And what really bothers me about it is that, uhm, not to be an American consumer but like...I don't feel appreciated by netflix. For the past few years, I've barely used it, except for a few titles I've wanted to watch. I haven't passed out my log in since I changed it not long after college to keep an ex using it for free. I've remained loyal, despite the fact that I don't feel like some sort of loyal consumerist. I don't give a fuck about brands, I try to shop as little as possible, thrift what I can. And yet, what can I say? I actually am a loyal consumerist, to netflix that is.

What a shock to realize this, and what a shock to realize netflix does not acknowledge this, no email saying thanks, no surveys, no swag, no pizza party, no invite no perk no discount no nothing. Instead they raise prices, cut services, lose licenses, and cancel barely finished products. I'm 15 years loyal to this company for this?

And I think about the days of yore, but really not long ago. The preferred shopper's catalogues of department stores, the longtime shopper promotions of industry giants, the award systems for the loyal consumerists of chains and malls. The specialty Christmas items that are today vintage and worth money for their rarity. The thank yous, the special events. The mailers that say "Come to our store loyal customer and receive a free $20 coupon for that day!" And I'm not saying this is good, and of course it's all just marketing and advertisement, and I'm not saying this is the life I want to live...

But I am saying this would be easy for netflix to do, for someone like me. Someone who went from $7 to stream and receive DVDs, who got customers onboard when the model was new and the company was pioneering, to $20 to sit unused but for a month or two out of the year. It would be easy to pull the data. It would be easy to say which accounts have been opened the longest, to actually verify who has given 180 months worth of payments to them. It would be easy to give me a year's discount to say thank you. It would be easy for them to send an email to verify my address to send me merch. Do I want the merch? No, not really. But have they tried?

Have they even sent me an email saying "We appreciate your 15 years of support! We value you!" with little confetti animation? They didn't do it at 10 years. They didn't do it at 5 years. I don't recall ever receiving emails from netflix besides "Unfortunately, our payment model is changing."

As of today, I haven't pulled my account yet. I want to finish Bridgerton, even if this season is a snoozefest. But I think I will. I feel had and used, as pathetic as that sounds. Has Hulu done anything different? I can't remember when I signed up for them but it's been many years. No, but I frankly use it more, so I'm less angry. And with netflix...it's been fifteen years. They have really banked on us being passive in our payments, and accustomed to the freedom of endless choice, and it just feels gleeful that they never even once acknowledged I've been here this whole time. Actually, act like Sears and Bloomingdales 60 years ago, or we quit I think we should say. Ask me my address to send me a glass netflix mug or I'll fuck off, because who do you think you are to think so little of me, the only reason you exist for?

[i-magines]

Wildest Dreams: Chapter 4

Pedro Pascal x fem!Reader

CHAPTER 1 | CHAPTER 2 | CHAPTER 3 | CHAPTER 5 | CHAPTER 6 | CHAPTER 7 | CHAPTER 8 | CHAPTER 9 | CHAPTER 10

synopsis: You’re an assistant director in an indie movie set and fate makes sure you keep crossing paths with a certain Chilean actor.  

disclaimer: This is my first Pedro Pascal’s fictional work + the first fanfic I write in English, as it isn’t my first language. Unfortunately, I do not own Pedro and this is all a product of my imagination.

rating: M (keep scrolling if your under 18 please)

warnings: age gap, mature content, fem!reader, eventual drinking and drugs, a little smut but nothing crazy (yet), a bit slow burn but not really.  

a/n: i’m really happy with all the comments i got on the past chapters!!! just don’t know how to answer them with this account and not my personal one :/ should they fuck already or nah? let me know

word count: 1,851

After your last encounter, Pedro was being extremely weird around you. If you could even say that, since it was very clear that he was also avoiding you. This has been going on for about 2 weeks now and it made you feel super insecure. You didn’t get why he was behaving like this. Did he regret the little moment you had in the tub? Did you do something that made him change his mind? You felt confused and, being honest, a little abandoned.

In the mornings, you went straight to the set and, at the end of it, you ran back to your cabin. You felt very lonely without his company and even though you had a crush on him, your friendship was what you’ve been missing the most. The stories, the laughs, the looks between scenes. When you had to interact because of work, he avoided your eyes and was very quiet around you. For the past couple of weeks, you didn’t do much other than hang out with Flo on the only day off you had — and even that was odd, because Pedro left a few minutes after you got to Flo’s cabin. All of this was consuming you and making you feel terrible.

You were off duty when the producer called you. They were working on positioning the lights and rehearsing, but the extra actress who was supposed to be in the scene didn’t show up. Being a budget movie being shot in the middle of nowhere in Germany, the producers had to figure it out with what they had in hand. Trying to keep the situation only between the producing and directing teams, as the scene called for a more intimate approach, they asked you to be her stunt. You knew what scene it was and you got chills thinking about it, as you walked towards the cabin they were in.

Waiting for you were the director, the cinematographer, Flo and Pedro. The only form of illumination in the room were candles strategically positioned for the shooting. The director approached you. Not much time for the ceremony, Flo put your hair down and applied some makeup on your face.

“I’m gonna need you to strip down, girl friend”, she let you know, a bit embarrassed.

You already knew about that, so you had already prepared your mind to do it. You took your clothes off, keeping on only some nude panties. Flo added some makeup on your body as well, and left the room.

“Okay, let’s roll then.”

You and Pedro laid down on the bed together. He was still wearing his clothes, only some shirt buttons opened. He was on top of you, but didn’t dare to look at your eyes. It felt like forever for them to make sure about lights and angles.

“As you know, this scene isn’t about love”, the director started. “It’s about fucking. That’s all I have to say. Action!”

You both didn’t move.

“I said, action!” He shouted.

Your body felt tense underneath his and it all felt kind of mechanical, as he put his hands on your face and started to come closer to you. Well, this is how acting is supposed to be, you thought, as you put your hands on his hair, trying to make sure you were following the director's briefing. He suddenly stopped.

“Sorry, Dave”, he said, completely ignoring you under him. “I don’t think I’m feeling it with her, she is too young, and I feel like this whole scene doesn’t add up to the movie itself.”

“Excuse me?” The director looked confused and slightly offended.

“I’m not doing it”, Pedro simply said. Dave looked infuriated. “I know I have a veto power on the contract and I’m using it.”

 “That’s why I don’t work with Hollywood stars like yourself”, he said after breathing in and out very slowly. “I just wanna point out what incredible ironic is your problem with her age, giving that I’ve lost track of how many times it got to me that you two have been suspiciously close with each other.”

You saw in Pedro’s eyes the same anger as the day you went clubbing. The producer came back into the room, after hearing the voices a little louder going on inside.

“I think it’s better if we all calm down”, she said. “Look, this scene has been controversial since day one, even the studio heads thought so. Let’s leave on hold now and we can have a meeting later this week—”

“No, Donna”, Dave interrupted her. “I’m doing it with or without him.”

“Just to make myself clear, neither is she doing anything”, Pedro said pointing towards you with his head. “I’m vetoing her as well. Go get dressed, Y/N. Now.”

You did as he told.

“This situation is ridiculous at this point”, Donna looked nervous and tired. The two of them had been fighting for days over every single thing on the set. “I will take this matter to the studio, no shooting tomorrow. Everybody out of my sight."

You left the room first and you had to practically run, because it was pouring rain. After all that, you weren’t even sure you still had a job anymore and you just felt so fragile. You heard steps behind you, but you didn’t stop. Pedro called your name. He got to you once you had to stop to unlock your cabin door.

“Can we talk, baby girl?” His words made you slowly turn to face him. You both already wet from the rain.

“Don’t you fucking dare to baby girl me, you fucking asshole”, you didn’t raise your voice, but he could see the hurt in your words.

“Y/N, I couldn’t do it— this whole situation”, he tried to defend himself.

“Fuck you Pedro. Fuck you a million times”, you were a bit louder now. “Did it cross you pretty little mind that I need this fucking job? That I need people to fucking like me? Get off your ass and look around, man.”

“You are no actress, especially for a scene like that”, he said, raising his voice too.

“Why do you care? You don’t even recognize my existence anymore”, you felt like crying.

“That’s how much I care!” He ran his hand through his hair. “Do you have any idea how hard it has been for me since I met you? Being around you and saying no to every single one of my instincts demanding me to fucking make you mine? Since day one, Y/N. Since I saw you in that goddamn bathtub.”

“Who the hell asked you to do that?” You stared at his brown eyes.

“You didn’t even want people to know we were friends”, he did his best to not sound like he was blaming you. “I never know what to do around you and you don’t make my life easier with all those fucking mixed signs.”

“I fucking told you!” You come off louder than you meant. You take a tone down as you repeat yourself, “I fucking told you.”

He rubbed his eyes. “Can we go inside, please?”

You did as he asked and got you both towels. He sat on the corner of your bed.

“Look, sweetheart”, he began. You were still standing up, looking at him. “This whole thing…  The age gap, it just— it won’t work out in the long run. After what happened, I truly felt bad with myself, as if I was taking advantage of you.”

“Wow, hold on a minute”, you shake your head. “Sure you are like, over 20 years older than me, I get that. But who the fuck was talking ‘bout forever? And most importantly, Pedro, I thought we fucking were friends! Why didn’t we talk about it?”

“I’m sorry—"

“I’m not done”, you interrupted him. “I’m no kid. I’m a fully grown woman who knows what she wants and I expected that after our last conversation you already knew what that was.”

You came closer to him.

“You are not manipulating me, Pedro”, you said as you got on your knees in front of him. “I want this, I want you. I fucking need you so badly.”

Your words gave him chills. You both knew that what you were craving would have a lot of implications for both of you.

“Are you sure?” He asked, his eyes sparking. “Are you sober?”

"Unfortunately, I am”, you promised. “Please, don’t make me beg.”

You didn’t have to.

Pedro finally pulled you closer for a warm, passionate kiss. He held your neck with one hand, using the other one to pet your cheek. You made sure to reciprocate the intensity, getting your tongues to touch, making the kiss deeper. Your stomach felt like it was upside down, butterflies all over the place.

"Fuck, sweetheart", he growled in the middle of the kiss, you got goosebumps all over your body. He got you up and made you sit on his lap, so his hands could run more freely through your body. "You're so fucking beautiful, you know that?"

The thought of Pedro thinking you were beautiful made you blush. He had mentioned it a couple times before, when you're hanging out together, but in a more subtle way. You let your hands wander through his neck and arms, finally being able to touch him as you’ve been wanting since you two met. A moan escaped your lips and that was the sign Pedro was waiting to push you down to the bed, getting on top of you. You loved the feeling of this warm body on yours and you could feel the heat from between your legs increasing.

All you could think about is how you wanted him all over you, touching every single possible part of your body. His smell felt inebriating, as if he was the only thing you senses could process at this moment. Time stopped making any sense and you both pulled away after a while, gasping for air. He let his body fall down next to yours and you laid on your side, turned to face each other.

"You're a good kisser", he says, switching his look from your lips to your eyes.

"You're not bad yourself", you both giggled. He let his hand rest on your waist, putting you a little closer, saying nothing for a while. "What are you thinking about?"

"Just— I guess I’m worried about you”, he said, avoiding looking in your eyes now. “Keep thinking about what Dave said, people gossiping about us.”

“Usually I do my best to not listen to what people say,” you started. “But I guess I’ve been afraid of running the career I barely started.”

“I get that and I’m sorry I can’t protect you from it, sweetheart.”, he touched your cheek with his thumb. “We’ll just keep it between ourselves.”

CHAPTER 5 AVALIABLE NOW

TAGLIST:  @kyuupidwrites @omg-its-typical-aesthetics-fan​ @vivibabiez @ivyohmy @sebastianstansimp @tubble-wubble @28cnn @3zae-zae3 @technicallysassyfox @bellatrixyoass @mandolover86​​ @eliffluisa @jbcalway​ (does anybody know why i can’t tag some people?)​

[mikareo]

⌗ ROMANTICISM ₊ ˖ ་. rin itoshi x fem reader (4k)

⊹ ⠀⠀ there are so many words he wishes he could take back, and he realizes now that he loves you. he loves your colorful laugh, beauty, and passion - all he needs now, is to tell you...and say those three little words. (part two of rationalism - must must read first!!!)

contains; colorblind!rin, painter!reader, rin’s mom is reader’s art mentor, rin hates art, strangers to friends to lovers, swearing, immense fluff, , kissing, extremely inaccurate depictions of colorblindness, happy ending!!! author's note; this was originally supposed to end with reader getting into a car accident and d-wording the day of her art gallery...but i changed my mind :D

He misses you. He can’t help it, but he does. 

The memories he has with you are a cassette tape on autoplay - constantly running through his mind on repeat, and always ending with the awful confrontation that you’d left each other with. Rin wishes he hadn’t raised his voice. He wishes that he would’ve been honest with you from the very beginning, but he hadn’t, and there’s no changing the past. All he has now are two empty hands that would much rather be interlaced with your paint-covered fingers. 

“How much longer do you think you’re going to be moping?” Sae’s call is distant from the turning gears within Rin’s brain. He’s sure that his brother has grown tired of his constant state of melancholy - having been forced to be his support system after you walked out the door - and Rin feels awful about it. If he could, he’d rip his heart from his chest and allow you to step on it. To stomp and tear through the organs just as you’d done to those poor bystanding cherry blossoms on the sidewalk. 

“As long as she’s still upset with me.” He groans as his forehead hits the marble of the island counter. “I’m such an idiot.”

“Yeah, well we already knew that.” The dim-eyed boy beside him scoffs while taking yet another drink of his apple juice - which he has unfortunately had to drink for the past hour and a half since Rin had somehow consumed his small supply of alcohol within the past few weeks that the two of you hadn’t been speaking. “I was really rooting for you, man. I thought she was the one to break your cycle.”

“Cycle?”

What the hell does he mean by ‘cycle’?

“Oh, you know,” Sae continues without even taking a breath, “The cycle of life you’ve got going on with your inability to actually attract girls.”

Rin hates him.

“You’re an asshole.” He grumbles, taking his own swig of the pint of orange juice he found in the back of his fridge. Is it expired? Likely yes. Does Rin care, at all? Definitely not. Is he even more pissed off that he doesn’t understand the irony of why it’s called orange juice? He doesn’t want to answer that question. “An unhelpful asshole who should definitely stay over and cook dinner for me since he wants to make up for being said ‘unhelpful asshole’.”

Sae scoffs, shaking his head whilst the thin, soft strands of his hair flit back and forth. His right eyebrow raises in a mocking expression, “You need to get yourself back out there, man. You’ll be old and grey if you keep waiting for the perfect girl to come knocking on your door, so just talk to her. Just fucking talk to her and put me out of my misery.”

“Are you trying to make this about you, right now?” Rin stares at his best friend in utter disbelief, but he’s not truly upset. He knows that Sae holds good wishes for him in all manners of life - this being no exception - and takes his words to heart. He’s right. Of course, he’s going to lose you if he doesn’t even try to get you back. “The sun must be falling out of the sky because I’m actually considering following your advice.”

“That’s a pretty picture to imagine,” his older brother chuckles, causing Rin to roll his eyes. What’s the sensation that everyone has with mentioning imagery every five seconds? “Just talk to her, man.” Sae continues, “Please, I’m all out of advice.”

Rin takes his brother’s pleas to heart. It is quite ridiculous that he’s spending his time depressed and lonesome when he could be reconciling with you. Perhaps it’s his fragile masculinity acting out and refusing to take blame for the situation, although he’s fully aware it’s completely his fault that you’re upset with him. 

It’s difficult for the gears to begin turning in Rin’s head. They’re covered in brittle rust that’s been creeping deep into the crevices of his mind for his entire life - slithering down his spine towards his blackened heart that you had only just begun to breathe life into. He misses the feeling of spring that came when you called. The freshwater rain of your laughter and budding blossoms of your smile that washed away his loneliness and replaced the awful emotion with an overgrown garden of bliss. He still doesn’t understand how he managed to mow that garden down with one sentence. He might as well have taken a chainsaw and brutally hacked into every connection that he’d managed to make with you in your time of knowing each other. 

Now he’s going to be on his knees begging for forgiveness with his hands stained by the minced grass. Does grass stain green or yellow? Hopefully not brown, dear lord. He’ll be buried deep into apologies that should definitely be rehearsed, but he knows he’s not an artist with words and he won’t bother to waste your time with crumpled-up ‘I’m sorry’ notes and improvised tears. 

You deserve nothing but the best - so much more than he’s been giving you and he needs you to hear those words come straight from his mouth. 

When did you begin to mean so much to him? Rin doesn’t even know. 

It could’ve been when you showed up to his game unannounced, with first row seats and a booming cheer that he never knew he desired. ‘C’mon number ten! I know you can do better than that! Beat their asses, Rin!’ He nearly tripped at the sound of your voice, and falling on his face was the last thing he wanted to do in front of Isagi - but to be completely honest, he doesn’t remember much of his qualms with his rival from that day. Rin was solely focused on playing well for you. The world stopped and he was given all the time needed to impress you. You give him a reason to be better, a selfless reason to do good. 

Perhaps it was when you’d shown him around your homey apartment, with maple art easels and splattered canvases lining the walls, and watched with glee as he made his best attempt at a finger painting (which may or may not have ended up looking like two worms kissing). ‘It’s abstract’, you’d say every time he found something new that was wrong with the art piece, ‘All it needs is a home. See?’ You hung his shitty little sketchbook paper on your living room wall, right next to your TV for the whole world to see. The way you stood there staring in awe still rattles his brain. You’ve always been able to find beauty in even the smallest things. 

Or maybe his heart had begun to beat a little faster that Saturday night on the way out of the theater. The romance of the film the two of you just witnessed was still on Rin’s mind, provoking his alcohol-induced body to make a pathetic attempt at holding your hand - which resulted in him accidentally knocking you over into a street puddle that swallowed the heel of your shoe. ‘I needed to take a shower anyway, Rin, it’s fine!’ Your smile continued to be bright despite the low temperature and sprinkling rain, and he can recall wondering how you managed to stay so positive in such a dreary situation. As you discarded your soggy heels into a nearby trashcan and skipped barefoot on the pavement, you called, ‘Come on! Dance with me!’ The shared laughter between the two of you echoed through the seemingly empty streets that surrounded you - hands connected as you swung in circles around each other and fell over one too many times, until he carried your sleeping body home. He doesn’t think anyone’s ever been able to make him laugh as hard. 

The way the corners of your eyes crinkle amidst fits of giggles is his favorite image to replay. He doesn’t need to know the color to be able to see how beautiful they are - to appreciate the blinding sparkle that overwhelms your irises when he accidentally trips over the uneven sidewalk or knocks over your painting station - or even when he unintentionally makes a sexual innuendo that you just so happen to pick up on. ‘That’s a love hotel, Rin! Why would I have stayed there before?’ It was almost as if you were conducting a symphony of glorious laughter that night. The violins played the tune of your voice in a higher octave and the cellos added a punch everytime you’d bite your lip in an attempt to calm down. He hadn’t known what a love hotel was intended for before that night, but he’d also made the mistake to say, ‘I wouldn’t mind going to my first one with you, it could be a first for both of us.’ and you still haven’t let him live it down. Rin’s honest with himself for the most part. He’s awkward, insufferable, and a bore to be around - yet, for some odd and unknown reason, those are your favorite things about him. Why?

Why is it that he can’t function like a normal person when your eyes meet his?

Why do his words rearrange themselves and become complete gibberish when he attempts to woo you with his charm?

What is it that keeps him coming back to you, despite holding such deep hatred for the things that you love most?

“I need to text her.” Rin feels his chest vibrate as he finally makes a decision, the words pouring from his mouth in a short word vomit - forcing Sae to piece together the jumbled mess and attempt to comprehend whatever it was that his big brother was trying to say, to which he jumps up from his seat at the island and aggressively pats Rin on the back. 

“That’s what I’ve been saying, dumbass! Get those fingers movin’!” 

His phone falls into his hands in a millisecond, with Sae eagerly awaiting to hear his poetry. He’s grateful to have such a supportive friend. Rin knows that there aren’t many people who would be willing to put up with him for so long - having been moping around and complaining day-and-night of relationship problems that were solely caused by him - and he can’t imagine not having his support. Hopefully he’ll be able to introduce you, one day. You’ll both give him so much shit for his attitude. Oh well. It’ll all be worth it having two people he loves get along. 

…

Did he just…

What did—

There’s no way.

Did he really just use that word? That godforsaken word?

He’s trembling. Rin’s phone is shaking in his hands as he finally comes to the realization that he does, with his entire heart and being, love you. In an instant, his entire world scrambles together with rapid dashes and line art that he can’t even comprehend. There’s no rules to follow with these types of feelings - this insistent need to see you. Hold you. Kiss you.

Fuck, he wants to kiss you. He can’t think of anything else he’d rather be doing. 

Like tapping raindrops that never cease their fall, his fingertips move against the keypad in a rhythmic motion - singing a song of love that can’t be contained into a simple lullaby. His heart pours out into the message, apology after apology being pasted in paragraphs, and hopes with his whole soul that you’ll find it in yourself to at least see him in person. There’s no way you won’t. Rin knows you well enough now that he’s certain he’ll be seeing you again. All he needed to do was take the first step towards forgiveness, and he’s finally willing to be vulnerable and own up to his inability to be honest about his feelings, because he loves you. He loves you and he wants to tell you a hundred times, a thousand times, and a million times until you beg him to shut the hell up and kiss you. 

‘I’ll be at the studio tonight. I miss you, ______, and I’m sorry.’

He ends the message with a final apology, begging fate that you’ll read it in time to meet him while he still has courage - and with that, he’s on his way to the place he hates most, awaiting the person whom he loves most.

An hour has passed - well technically it’s been fifty-seven minutes, but who’s counting?

He’s counting.

The sun went into hiding ages ago and the moon now stalks him as he sits in his chair, lonely with two vacant eyes that wish they were gazing at yours. Rin can’t even tell if you’ve read the text or not - the grey speech bubbles look the same as they always have, and the delivered sign is posted at the bottom with no response. He wants to send a follow-up message, just a little ‘hey, you there?’ but he knows that’s a little bit much. If you want to see him, you’ll see him and he’ll confess his feelings once-and-for-all - though, he’s feeling much less confident than he was an hour ago. Ahem, sorry. Fifty-nine minutes ago. 

Rin has a plan of what he’s going to say to you, and hopefully it makes sense when the words begin to fall from his lips. He’s said it many times before, but he’ll say it again, he’s never been good with words or feelings or anything of the sort. He wants to get better, though - to become more emotionally aware for your sake, because he knows that’s a priority for you. You have an image of your dream guy that’s been in your wishes since primary school - tall, handsome, daring, dashing, yada, yada, yada - and he’s trying to be that guy. He needs to be that guy. He’ll be anything for you. 

Anything and everything…even the desperate guy who can’t get a text back. 

Y’know, for a moment - a brief and fleeting moment - the world seemed a little more beautiful in his self-realization of love. The stars glistened brighter and the street lights sparkled in their reflections. Before tonight, Rin hasn’t ever been able to appreciate the natural beauty of what surrounded him. He never understood your fascination with replicating real life into paintings and sketches, but he seems to have digested the concept - at least a little bit. The only thing that could undoubtedly make his world more dazzling would be the sight of you, and holy shit there you are. There you are opening the front door - and your gorgeous, perfect reflection in the glass is looking straight at him. 

He doesn’t need the ability to see color to know that you’re the most fascinating and jaw-dropping sight in the entire universe - and that the rainbow should be rearranged in the letters of your name in honor of your ability to captivate attention and inflict a multitude of emotions on him that he’s never felt before. 

“Rin?” Your melodious voice is the remedy that his ears have been yearning for. “Rin, is that you? Why’re you in the dark?” 

This means you haven’t read his text, right? Otherwise, why would you be confused as to why he’s here? Wait, why’re you even here?

You begin to explain yourself without him needing to ask, “I left my phone in here earlier like an idiot and I’ve been looking for it all day. Isn’t that so dumb?” You let out a little laugh, amused at your inability to keep track of your personal belongings. Why aren’t you acting like you’re upset with him? The last time you talked, you could barely look him in the eye - yet now, you’re so casual, almost as if nothing happened. “Here I am looking for my lost phone, but instead I find a lost Rin Itoshi.”

“What are you doing here? Sitting in the dark?”

The repeated question is met with a pregnant silence as Rin fails to piece together the rehearsed words he had come up with earlier, settling on a bear hug that nearly suffocates you. 

He’s so overwhelmed by the feeling of touching you again that he barely notices how stiff your posture is. You’re practically a piece of rock in the midst of being carved by its maker, frozen and unable to formulate an action in response - which, in this case, means that he’s your artist. Rin relaxes his hold, urging you to reciprocate his warmth by nestling his face in your neck. Your right arm finds its place wrapped around his waist and your left around his neck, allowing him to engulf you further into his hold. You smell so nice. He notices the lavender perfume that he bought you is still rubbed into your skin, and he’s glad that you’re finally using it. 

“I’m so sorry,” he whispers.

Rin’s fingers run through your hair in smooth waves, gently kneading out the small knots and helping you relax - and he can tell that your full attention is on him. For the first time in knowing you, there aren’t any distractions or excuses to avoid this conversation. It’s just you, him, and the bare truth. He just hopes he can execute this right. 

“There aren’t enough words to explain how sorry I am, genuinely. I shouldn’t have ever belittled you like that, ______.” He takes a deep breath, one of many, and closes his eyes. The scene of you stomping away from him has no end in his mind. It constantly plays at every hour of the day, re-run after re-run, to torment him and remind him how horribly he screwed up with you. Please, please forgive him. “You’re not just my mom’s student. You’re not just a friend that I get coffee with. You’re so much more than that and I’ve been such a fucking chicken and haven’t been able to be honest with you.”

“You couldn’t have possibly known about my condition and it was wrong of me to take my frustration out on you.” Rin can feel himself begin to cry, his tears raining down his cheeks in cascades of pent up anger and hatred for how he made you feel that day. You didn’t deserve it. You didn’t deserve to be treated like shit by him. “Your work is important to you and I know it should be appreciated. What’s important to you is important to me, okay?”

“You love your art, and I love you.”

He says it over and over again. Those three special words rapidly become six words, nine words, eighteen, forty-two, and onwards as you look at him with an empty expression. Please, please say something. For every second of no response, he confesses his love to you. He confesses as if it’s his source of air - the only way that he’ll be able to survive this encounter is if he bares his emotions with no regrets. If this were a movie, he’d be the desperate protagonist in the climax of the story who fucked up his love life and is begging for a second chance - hell, this is real life and that’s exactly what he’s doing. Just, please, have a happy ending.

You open your mouth, yet nothing comes out. No words. No statements. No confessions. You’re simply staring at him like he’s just told you the most absurd news in the existence of the universe…

…and then a tear falls. 

One tear slips from your eyes, followed by another, and another…until your face is drenched in salty rain with black mascara creasing your eyes. You look like a raccoon. Rin almost starts laughing. No. He is laughing; laughing because your false lashes have fallen into your hands as the glue refused to be waterproof - and now you’re standing before him in a puddled mess of makeup and disheveled hair. You’ve never looked more beautiful. 

Rin brushes his fingers across your cheek, attempting to wipe away your tears like an artist covering up a beautiful mistake. If he were a painter, he’d paint you a million times and more - hanging every portrait on every single wall of his apartment, until there was literally no space left for a scrap of paper. You’re the most gorgeous girl he’s ever laid his eyes on, and the smile that suddenly bursts from your sobs confirms it. 

“What’s going on? I’m so confused, are you happy or are you sad?” He’s so concerned and his inability to read emotions correctly only makes him more helpless. “Talk to me, beautiful. C’mon.”

You lean into his touch and he instantly knows that everything is going to be okay. 

“I just never thought I’d hear you say that.” Your smile is directed at him now, and he feels a warmth that is so familiar yet unfamiliar and he can’t get enough of it. It’s similar to the feeling of being showered in sunlight or snuggling beneath a comforter in the winter - an overwhelming comfort that’s a gift from you to him. “I feel like I’ve been waiting forever. Fuck you for that.”

Now you’re both laughing, giggling, and beaming at each other. His heart feels so at peace. The civil war between his divided emotions, love and loneliness, has finally ceased. 

“I love you.”

“I love you.”

“I love you.”

Neither of you can stop the flow of confessions that slip from your tongues and in an instant your lips are on his - clashing and colliding in a furious kiss that rivals the strength of a hurricane. It’s almost as if he can physically feel your love pouring into him and warming his heart into a heated flame, stoked by the embers of your touch. God, he missed your touch. The feeling of it is addicting. It’s his personal heroin and he’ll never get enough of it. 

Your lips are just as soft as he imagined them to be, perhaps they're a rosy pink color with the slightest touch of strawberry lip balm that he keeps getting a fleeting hint of taste from. Never in his wildest dreams did he think you’d love him too. Thank you. Thank you. Thank you. He silently repeats over and over - grateful that he’s been so blessed to know you…feel you…and love you in the awful world that he hated living on his own  - the world void of color that you’ve somehow brightened by simply breathing beside him. 

His hands are everywhere. Your hips. Your waist. Your breasts. Your neck. He can’t get enough of the feeling of you. With every passing second he’s falling deeper and deeper in love. You’re utterly perfect, he would kiss you for years if that was an option—

Aw shit, he knocked over an easel. 

“Goddammit,” he mumbles while briefly pulling away from you. Of course he had to interrupt the moment he’s been waiting months for with his clumsiness. He’s such a dumbass. If he could punch himself in the gut, he would - but that would be way too embarrassing in front of you - hold up, this painting is familiar!

“Well I'll be damned.” He chuckles and turns the canvas towards you, to which you burst out laughing. “I thought you’d have thrown this out.”

“No,” you gaze at the painting with love in your eyes. “I could never, that’s how we met.”

The painted streak he accidentally inflicted upon your artwork remains in the same position. It seems that you never even bothered covering it up and embraced the imperfection. While Rin cannot decipher the magnitude of colors on the canvas, he’s sure that the various strokes look gorgeous and masterful. You’ve always been so talented. He’s so lucky.

As he places the painting upon a now-standing easel, you rest your forehead against his. He loves you. He loves you so much. So much so that he can’t help but take a step closer, not just one but many, and embrace the overwhelming love and passion he holds for you. There are so many words he wants to say, confessions that can carry on for an infinite number of lines, but there’s no need for that now. You have forever - and he decides to start that forever with his favorite thing…

…a kiss. 

“I love you.” You whisper.

“I love you more.” He replies.

read the final part here. THANK UUUU

⠀ ⠀ ⠀ ⊹₊｡ reblogs are greatly appreciated! ˚₊⊹

[euphoricfilter]

Devil That I Know: The Prologue

Pairing: Demon! Jungkook x Human! F. Reader

Genre: Fluff || Smut || Angst || Demon au || Non-Idol au || Yandere au || Reincarnation || Strangers to Lovers

Summary: It's a shame how refuge will become your downfall.

Word Count: 3.3k

Tags/ warnings: mentioned death/ murder, sacrifice, sexy demon jungkook who has 4 arms, jimin is just mean (for now), the start of the yandere and just taehyung being a cutie

Notes: she’s back! and better than ever, new and improved, my baby <3 even if you’ve read the old version of dtik, i recommend reading again!! there has been a few added elements + way better writing!

devil that i know masterlist || my other stuff

─── ･ ｡ﾟ☆: .☽ . :☆ﾟ. ───

[a little death]

[1859]

Death seemed to have found solace in your shadow. Slithering around your ankles and chewing up any unfortunate living being you came across; acting as a parasite, touch of your fingers sticky poison. The rawest form of hatred radiating off your skin into the world, a curse. 

A simple wish for the price of a life, and maybe this was the universe’s sick joke, that you’ll live to suffer while the rest of the world carries the burden of a small selfish wish.

Maybe death has found home in your sorrows, wretched sadness, anguish, ugly ugly emotions cradling you like a mother would her child. Truly pitiful comfort where anger is useless.

It must have been almost a year ago your misfortune had truly started, foolishly leaving a life you never wanted. Though you suppose you never really had a choice, this day was inevitable when you were the odd one out, a leech, a pitiful child– not that that mattered at all to the man who was the starting point of your resentment. 

A wish for a life that was solely your own. A wish you never thought had been too big of an ask, leaving fragile hope in the hands of fate, praying that the world would take pity on your wilted soul. 

Now, freedom was a day’s journey away. Coastline so close yet so far away, a new life, one you’d been dreaming of since young, slipping through your fingers like dry sand– every step forward, the sea pulling away until you’re chasing after sodden dreams, leaving you stranded at the shore. 

Life looked like a damp cell in a run-down village, barely holding on; dependent on trade, though only one other village thrives in this area, hours away– over the mountain. Trips far and few with the horses they have, produce barely worth a piece of gold. 

The true situation of the village should have become apparent at their panic of unexpected visitors. Accusations spat your way, your own life flashing before your eyes, only for your friend to bear the brunt of their temper. No one of them had thought to hear you out, their words like venom, because in their eyes you’d come to spy on their village, a lie that would ruin you. 

You weren’t like them; and so you’d become an easy target. 

Secrets locked behind closed doors, lies fed to those clueless of what really happened when the sun falls over the horizon and the world is shrouded in darkness. 

Corruption was everywhere, the world so unfair, where fickle human emotions consume those greedy enough to sell their souls for power, for something more, anything to get out of their awful little lives. 

If you told a lie long enough, if you yourself believed in it, then surely it must be true. 

─── ･ ｡ﾟ☆: .☽ . :☆ﾟ. ───

You’d never expected your first encounter with death, you suppose no one really does. And in your months of solitude, locked up against your will, you’ve learnt you can’t change the past. No matter how many tears wet the dry ground, how much you scream, how much you pray to anyone listening, the past will forever be how it is and you can’t change that. 

Regret is an awful emotion, a million ‘what ifs’ consuming your mind. What if you and your friend had chosen the village over the mountain? What if you had never decided to leave? What if you had traveled alone?

If things had been different, minute details that could have changed the whole course of your life, then maybe your friend would still be alive. Maybe you’d have found the coast, hair windswept as you stand on the deck of the boat, life that of a bird; free. 

You could never see much out of the small window of your cell, rare that the sun would dare poke its head in to say hello, never there to kiss your cheeks red, or warm frozen toes.

The nights had started to get colder, the few seconds you got to see the outside world through the open door is enough for you to know the leaves had begun falling off the trees. Dusty path blanketed with reds and oranges, footsteps harder to hear on the few days you’re fed– never more than what’s left over from the village men. 

The second time death had chosen to lurk was when a crisis had become of the village. Their crops rotting, black mold greedy in the way it had chewed through their livestock. Animals sent from the gods, lay dead on the ground, useless when their harvest season was right around the corner. 

“An evil spirit has cursed the lands” 

You’d wondered how you’d escaped the clutches of death a second time. But your purpose had become apparent when you’d heard whispers of the demon that lived in the mountains. A ruler of this very land.

Rumors carried by the wind had told you that he’d become restless, that the townspeople needed a sacrifice to sate his growing rage. They couldn’t go a season without crops, and none of the men dared push their wives forward as the gift. 

And so you, had been the sacrifice. The true purpose of them keeping you locked up and alive, was to act as their gift for the one that lived in the mountains.

Human fear is often the scariest, compassion absolutely destroyed, empathy non-existent. 

That’s why you don’t find yourself begging when you’re woken up one morning, cold water a shock to the system. Adrenaline useless as it pumps through your veins. It doesn’t take long for you to grasp the reason one of the village boys had come to see you so early, the sun barely having woken herself. 

You cough, wiping your wet face with the backs of your hand. Eyebrows creased into a frown as your eyes flit over to the entrance of your cell. 

“Get up” 

He mustn't be much older than you, pretty lips turned down into a prominent frown that you have to will yourself not to scoff at. Because really if anyone should frown as though the world were against them, it should be you. 

You don’t move, a dangerous game you’d been playing since you’d first arrived in the village. Because if you acted as though you didn’t understand them, language not your own, then you’d keep a little bit of your freedom. Ignorance covered as misunderstandings; actions out of spite, simply accidents. 

The boy tuts, door to the cell creaking, almost yanked off it hinges as he strides towards you. He’s rough as he grabs onto your arms, pulling you up from the sorry excuse of a bed. You pull your arms from his grip, skin prickly with pure hatred. 

“Change into these” he shoves a pile of clothes into your arms, tattered underwear falling to the floor.

If you had any shame, maybe you’d be a little embarrassed as he turns around, arms crossed over his chest. Though it seemed that any lick of shame that dared plague your mind, was consumed by anger as you yank your clothes off—Wringing your wet hair out, rolling the bottoms of the pants up. 

You flinch at the sound of another voice, “Jimin, are you almost done?”

The village boy turns around, eyes raking over your body, “Almost” he calls back. 

You eye the open door as Jimin steps out of your cell, “Don’t even think about it” 

It’s uncomfortable how tight he ties the ropes, hands bound behind your back where one mean tug from Jimin could send you tumbling face first into the floor. 

And it’s infinitely more uncomfortable how the whole village seems to gather, the chief parading you down the split path of people like a prize as Jimin watches your back.

A gift sent from the heavens to save their village, to save their people. Ironic when months ago everyone had been cursing your existence, asking why they should keep you locked up, why you hadn’t died beside your friend. 

It takes almost a day to hike up the mountain on foot, they may have thought of you as their sacrificial savior, that didn’t mean they were willing to waste their resources on you. 

Sweat tickles the back of your neck, hair clinging to your skin uncomfortably. You’re tired. Moments away from your legs giving way, willing to let the sun melt your skin and bones until you become one with the earth. Summer sun still clinging onto the sky before the seasons truly change.

The world takes pity on you as you stumble over your own feet, almost headbutting Jimin’s back as he stops. Your heart is in your throat as reality sets in, the rumors of a demon true. It didn’t look like anyone lived here; picket fence damp, old in a way that bugs had chewed through the wood.

Your eyes settle on the sign that hangs from a tree branch– “Jeon”. 

Jimin grabs the thick rope of the bell, muscles in his arms flexing as he announces your arrival. 

The shred of hope that you held in your heart shatters when you hear the crunch of footsteps. Silhouette of a man wandering through the archway of trees behind the fence.

You think he looks more like an angel than a demon, hair a fluffy mess, almost cute in the way he almost trips over his sandals. He catches himself before he can fall, stopping in front of Jimin on the other side of the gate. 

He places a hand over his heart, taking his time in catching his breath– and you can see Jimin’s patience wearing thin, heel of his boot tapping against the grass. Face etched into a permanent scowl that you can only assume is your doing.

You wet your lips at the sound of the boy’s voice, deeper than you’d expected, “Hello, how may I help you?” 

Your eyes fixate on the mole sat at the tip of his nose. 

“Are you the demon that resides here?” Jimin tugs you forward, heavy hand falling on the back of your neck. 

“Oh–” the man’s eyes widen, running a hand through his hair, “No, he’s inside” 

You peek over his shoulder, path veiled by trees, dark abyss waiting beyond the rotted gate. A world that looked so far from your own, a little secret hidden between the trees.

Jimin hums, “Here” he pats your back, “A delivery from the village” 

You dig your heels further into the ground as Jimin’s fingertips trail over your back, silent warning to do whatever you’re told. Maybe a cruel little goodbye, because the both of you knew that you might not ever make it out of there alive.

He waves at you as he starts his descent down the mountain, sadistic little smile of his face.  

Now would be a good time to run, though you wouldn’t know where to go. You suppose anything would be better than this. Maybe if you begged nicely the demon would kill you painlessly; maybe listening to your cries of mercy. Granting you an easy death so you could finally rest. 

The demon’s friend slips through the fence, “Do you understand me? Are you okay?” 

You nod. So many words hanging on the tip of your tongue, though you don’t seem to know what to say first. 

“I’m Taehyung” he tells you, smile fragile as he moves to take a look at your bound wrists. “May I?” he asks, and you turn to give him better access to your back. 

“What’s your name?” 

You swallow, wetting your dry throat, “Y/n” 

“Jungkook is really nice, I’m sure he’ll let you stay for a while” 

It’s weird how even as the ropes make a dull thump against the damp ground, you don’t feel any more free than you had when you’d been bound. 

Opening the gate, Taehyung motions for you to step inside, letting you follow him down the path and into the open area. Your eyes wander over the courtyard, freshly fallen leaves the color of a sunset scattered across the grass. Stood through the archway of trees stands the heart of the house. 

Without knocking, Taehyung pulls the door open. Intricately crafted table sat in the middle of the room.

He sits at the table like royalty, posture that of a king– clothes that of a nobleman. He looked younger than Taehyung, book held by one hand ever so elegantly, really he could be mistaken for a royal if it weren’t for the inky black snake that peeks out of the sleeve of his shirt. 

You try not to linger on his extra pair of arms. Breath catching in your throat when they fold over his stomach. Entirely unhuman, something you’d never seen before.

His eyes flicker over your face, turning to Taehyung with his eyebrow raised. You flinch as he shuts his book, full attention now on you and his friend. 

“Who’s this?” 

You feel the embarrassment lick up your spine as he takes in the way you’re dressed, warm blush surely flushing your cheeks pink. Both of your lives so dramatically different. 

Taehyung clears his throat when you don’t say anything, “This is Y/n” 

“Does she understand us?” Jungkook asks, curious eyes meeting your own. Taehyung turns to you, nudging your shoulder with his elbow. 

“I do” and Jungkook hums, a little taken aback with how formal you’d come off. 

“Why are you here?” there’s no malice in his voice, simple curiosity. Something you hadn’t been expecting. And you wish he had just shouted, unexpected understanding strange when you had prepared for the worst. 

Taehyung grabs a pillow from under the table, fingertips barely grazing your back as he helps you sit opposite Jungkook. 

“I’ll make us some tea” Taehyung smiles. A whisper for him to stay stuck on the tip of your tongue as he wanders further into the back room leaving you alone with Jungkook. 

Your eyes stay trained in your lap, picking at your nails, fiddling with the hem of your shirt; really anything to keep you from having to look into Jungkook’s eyes. 

“I asked a question” he reminds you, “why are you here?” 

“I’m a sacrifice. A gift from the people in the village of the east” 

“A gift?” he urges, utterly enraptured by the mind of humans. 

“Their land had been cursed, or so they say” you meet his eyes, “this is an offering for you to save the land, to sate your anger. That’s all I know, no one ever spoke much around the cell they kept me in” 

“Cell?” his eyebrows raise, curious.

You hum, “It is nothing but rumors, but they say the king wanted people like myself dead, the chief had told his people I’d come to spy on them. That my life would be of use, so they let me live” 

“Is that so?” Jungkook falls back, holding himself up by his arms, “Taehyung hadn’t told me such rumors were going around” 

You open your mouth, a question that’s been playing on your mind since a child put to an abrupt stop when Taehyung wanders back into the room. Teacup and delicate little porcelain plates balanced on a wooden tray. 

“Thank you” your voice is barely above a whisper as your fingers delicatly take hold of the cup. 

“So–” Taehyung starts, taking a seat beside you, “are you staying with us?”

Your hand flies to your mouth, a lame attempt in covering a cough as your eyes meet Jungkook’s. 

“Please? I could always use the extra help” Taehyung continues, arm slung over your shoulder, “What do you think?” 

Jungkook raises an eyebrow, head tilting in question. It’s strange how far you can get lost in someone’s eyes, how for some it’s ever so easy to nitpick seemingly insignificant changes in expression. Maybe it had been a self-defense mechanism, a means to survive, but you’d always felt you’d been good at knowing how people felt, knowing where to build a wall, draw a line, anything.

Jungkook was a strange being, how what lies beneath his gaze is unattable no matter how long you search.

Jungkook’s eyes gave no indication as to how he felt about you. Expression eerily neutral that even if you were to ask him how he felt, his tone would be of no help. Someone so in control of their body and mind, someone above that of natural human nature; and you suppose thats only fair considering he weren’t a mortal like you or Taehyung. 

“You guys do whatever you want” Jungkook picks up his book, touch gentle as he flips back to the page he’d left. 

You turn to Taehyung, “If it’s okay, then I don’t mind staying” because living a life secluded from the world, protected by the rotting gate at the end of the path, was a safer way to live than travelling alone with no place to call home.

And as long as Jungkook held no resentment towards you, letting you live a life of peace, even if only for a fleeting moment—then maybe you’d hold onto that last selfish little sliver of hope. 

Taehyung takes ahold of your hands, the prettiest smile gracing his face, “You must be exhausted. How about a bath? You’ll have to wear some of my clothes until I can make you some–” 

“Tae” Jungkook laughs, “Slow down, you’ll overwhelm her” 

Taehyung’s fingers intertwine with your own, tugging you to stand.

You turn back to Jungkook before Taehyung can drag you out of the room, “Thank you” you call out to him.

He waves you off, thumb running over his bottom lip, “It’s nothing” and really it wasn't, he already housed one human, what was one more? Not when like Taehyung, you’d been betrayed by your own kind.

─── ･ ｡ﾟ☆: .☽ . :☆ﾟ. ───

“Have you heard of any rumors circulating the village?” Jungkook asks his friend, Taehyung running a hand through his hair. Having left you to wash up and change before he would show you your new bedroom.

“Rumours?” Taehyung’s head tilts a little.

Jungkook hums, “About the king” 

“None” he shakes his head, “Only whispers about bandits raiding the outskirts of the capital” 

“Nothing about any spies?” 

Taehyung’s tongue runs over his bottom lip, back straightening slightly as he gazes down at Jungkook. “Is this about Y/n?” 

Jungkook sighs, “Something’s happening in the east, don’t go there from now on” 

Taehyung nods, “I’ll keep an eye on her, just in case” 

“I doubt there’s a need. The two of you are quite similar” Jungkook hums, “Just make sure she’s comfortable, that’s all I ask” 

“And you?” 

Jungkook pushes himself to stand, “Nothing much will change around here” 

Taehyung’s role in Jungkook’s life hadn’t been a coincidence. And as much as it felt like Jungkook was the one helping Taehyung, demons were a little more selfish than that. Sure, Jungkook gave Tae a second chance at life, but that was only because he wanted something from him. It all worked out in the end, Jungkook made his first friend and Taehyung lived comfortable. 

You, however, Jungkook hadn’t seeked you out. You were handed to him by the graces of hell, destiny walking you up this mountain. Adorably strong-willed, though perhaps too trusting of the very being that could bring you to your downfall.

Jungkook was anything but a saviour, everything he ever did was only to with his own wellbeing in mind. But you, you were the one thing that he hadn’t planned. An anomaly thrusted in his face, how could he turn away his gift from the world?

Your desire for freedom was endearing, the human will to live something Jungkook found utterly intriguing when all the world seemed to do was fuck you over. Naïve hope disguised by a hard exterior, pitiful in the way the world had rejected your mere existence. Something Jungkook was more willing to use, arms curling around your fragile existence.

Because as much as you thought of him as your refuge, he knew that he would become your downfall.

[villainofmyownstory]

Hi! I'm V (Villain or Vi) | she/her

!!!!!!!! 18+ only! MDNI (nsfw + dark content) !!!!!!!!

writing fat reader characters | my native language isn't English

WIP updated 07/30/24

Day Zero

apocalypse AU - ongoing - chapter 7

Simon "Ghost" Riley x plus size fem!reader

masterlist | taglist | AO3 | playlist

Ghost and his dog Riley regularly patrol the city. A man has his own routine, every day, for almost 2 years, has to look the same. The man knows that he cannot change his behavior because deep down he still feels that someone will answer his radio signal. He doesn't lose hope. However, exactly 730 days after "Day Zero", no one shows up at the transmitter mast. Just when you finally get there. You've been trying to get here for weeks, seeing a tower in the distance. You needed electricity, and the tower had a source of light every night. And so each of you, individually, still thinks that you are the only one alive.

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Three copies and some signatures

part 1 part2

Simon/Reader/(Johnny)

You and Simon are married. A deal, a contract made only to avoid being deported. However, not everything can be predicted, lies are slowly consuming everyone. You, Simon and his real partner - Johnny. Feelings are stronger than words written on paper.

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click 'keep reading' to see more of my works

Blurry

exhusband!Captain John Price x fem!Reader

ongoing - part 2

You visit your ex-husband, in your once shared home. The memories are painful. But only for you. Unfortunately, after that one bloody mission, John doesn't remember you. The memory of your life together, blurred in his mind.

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GIF by adultstim

part 1 Blindsided part 2 Anyone Else

for Cali’s Nameless Challenge

nameless COD member x fem!Reader

You can't get over the breakup and the fact that you were left alone. You keep coming to the place where you last saw him. To, perhaps, finally get some kind of answer. Some solace.

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Light years

oneshot #GhostChallenge

Simon “Ghost” Riley x android/hologram!Reader

Many decades of longing. A lot of years of waiting. Hundreds of light years away from an Earth that no longer seemed like a memory, but a fictional story. A fairy tale written by poets. Earth no longer existed, and life on Zeus 2 went on as if the years of intergalactic war had never happened. As if the destruction of most of humanity had never taken place. There were still a few people on the new planet who remembered their lives on Earth. A past that was a memory stinging under the ribs. A small personal utopia for the last living people. Paradise lost.

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Incapacitation

König x plus size fem!reader

| AO3

You and König contact each other every day. Literally, you talk all the time. As soon as you open your eyes you see or hear him. König accompanies you in every activity. But you are no longer together. Despite the distance between you, you still hope that he will come back to you. One day you find out that König has fallen in love with another woman. Something inside you breaks. Once again. You will not let him decide about his life again, not this time. You know better what is best for him. You know König very well. After all, you talk to each other all the time.

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Zultanite

Poly TF141 x plus size fem!reader

masterlist | AO3

After inheriting jewelry from your dearest grandmother and one visit to a fortune teller. Your life is changing. Not once, not twice…. but four times.

[emeritusemeritus]

Simple really [Weasley Twins x ftm!Reader]

This work is based off a request I received from @king-of-the-damned-world and it’s been a pleasure writing this for you, sorry again that it has taken so long!

Unfortunately I am not currently taking requests but I am currently working on a few different pieces that should hopefully be uploaded soon.

Title: Simple really.

Pairing: Weasley Twins x Ftm!Reader {Established Relationship}

Timeline: Set around GOF.

Summary: With the Yule Ball around the corner, you must make a choice that could alter your entire life. Do you stay the same and remain unhappy or risk it all to finally find peace?

Warnings: Reader is trans!male (ftm). Contains a little angst and a lot of self reflection. Pronouns change throughout. A little humour, a little fluff and a lot of heartwarming goodness. Mentions of reader wearing a suit. Mentions of gender stereotypes and conforming.

This is my first time writing non-afab reader so please be gentle.

The walls of Hogwarts had never seemed so dreary to you or less like home than they felt right now. The corridors felt empty and hollow, even filled with people. It was a mild autumn day but it felt like it was mid-winter in your mind, every fibre of your body feeling bleakness all around you. You wanted to crawl into bed, shut the surrounding curtains and disappear but you knew even that wouldn't bring you comfort.

You'd avoided your boyfriends all day most successfully, most of the week really, which wasn't too hard between their shared detentions and your extra curricular activities. George might have been on to something, being the more sensitive of the two, but you were near certain that Fred hadn't even noticed anything was wrong, your efforts of hiding your true feelings paying off, at least for them.

You thought about going to Hagrid's, sharing a cup of tea or distracting yourself with his newest creature he was caring for but you didn't trust yourself not to unleash your inner monologue on him and quite frankly he wasn't the right person to work through your thoughts with. You didn't know who was, never having much experience on the matter except for your own thoughts.

You could talk to your head of house, or Madame Pomfrey, but that seemed too clinical, too unemotional in a time when you felt you needed it.

You sat on the grass, looking down at Hagrid's hut and the outskirts to the forbidden forest, watching as smoke rose from the chimney of his hut, drifting in the gentle breeze until it disappeared high up into the sky. You sighed, looking down at your legs and the wand in your hand, absently twirling it as you wished this could all be fixed with a single wave of said wand.

Your mind felt plagued, completely consumed by your thoughts, by the realisations you'd made and the intoxicated consequences they would have on your life if you sought to decide on the route to take. You were at a metaphorical crossroads in your life and your two options were to stay exactly as you were, on the path that had been created for you by societal expectations and preconceived notions; or you could create your own path, following your heart and deal with the consequences as they come.

The biggest loss would be your boyfriends Fred and George Weasley, the boys you had loved for years, first as friends and then more as your relationship grew. This new path you were forging would jeopardise the relationship in a way that nothing else ever could but was it worth a life of unhappiness and unfulfilment? It wasn't exactly new for you to be consumed by these thoughts but in the past year they'd grown in strength and reoccurrence until the faint inkling turned into assuredness, certainty and faint hope.

You sighed again, knowing what needed to be done.

You dragged yourself to your common room, another pang of discomfort hitting you as you walked to your pre-selected dormitory and threw yourself on your bed, thankful that no one else was there. You pulled out some parchment and your quill and began to write. There was no need to plan what you were trying to say, no thought of perfecting your words or of your penmanship, it was just honest words straight from your brain onto the quickly filled parchment. A rabid determination washed over you as you began writing, unable to stop or slow as you finally put everything you'd known to be true and denied for years plainly on paper for your loved ones to read.

"Whaaaatya doing?" You suddenly hear from behind you and you let out a scream, your body jolting upright in bed at the sudden and unexpected intrusion. George, who watches on, thinks quickly and salvages the ink pot that had spilled with your actions, not one spot of black ink falling into your crafted parchment or bed.

"Merlin you two!" You said, clutching at your chest as you look upon the grinning twins that had essentially broken into your dorm, not for the first time.

"Sorry sweetheart, couldn't resist," Fred smirks, hopping down onto the bed, followed by George who takes a seat with a hint more decorum than his slightly older brother.

"What you got there?" Fred says, nodding his head to the parchment. You suddenly freeze and clam up, not expecting the letters to be read so soon by the intended recipients.

"Potions homework," you say absently, scrambling to move the letter than you'd previously been so proud of.

"He didn't set us any," Fred says, eying you with suspicion before he turns to George in question, "did he?"

George shakes his head slowly in reply and his gaze flickers up to you, a sadness in his eyes as he realises that you were lying to them. Apparently, from the look he was giving you, you'd not quite hidden your mental and physical absence as well as you thought you had.

"What's going on darling?" He asks, cutting through the bullshit. It's now or never. You take one last look at them, their long gorgeous hair and the freckles, trying to remember them like this, just how you loved them. You took a deep breath and stare at your  slightly shaking hands, suddenly not knowing any way to explain yourself.

"Are you breaking up with us?" Fred asks quickly, his nervousness evident in his voice.

Your eyes shoot up to his quickly, as if offended by the notion and splutter out a reply that really doesn't help your case.

"No! Merlin no, I, maybe? I don't want to."

"Glad we got that cleared up," George says bitterly, though there's no trace of humour in his voice.

"It's not, you, it's," you begin to say, unable to meet their eyes. "I want to be with you both but you won't want me anymore."

"That's ridiculous," they say at the same time, protesting your words almost instantly. You sigh, picking at the blanket beneath you.

"I just, here," you say suddenly, thrusting the barely dried parchment onto George's lap and lingering for only a second before you run off, out of the dormitory and out of the common room.

Somehow, they find you a few hours later, curled up in the astronomy tower, fighting off the cold that you had not anticipated in your hurry. You caught sight of the Marauders map hanging out of Fred’s pocket and realised that they’d either borrowed it from Harry or had momentarily stolen it from him, seeking you out.

"Here he is," Fred says, catching sight of you and gesturing for his twin to join you as he smiles down at your crouched figure. His words make you freeze, shocked at the pronoun he used, so nonchalantly that is blindsides you.

"What-."

"We read your letter," George says, crouching down beside you, followed only moments later by his twin.

"All of this over a dress?" Fred says, smirking at you as if nothing was wrong.

"Well not really," you mumble, worried that they'd taken everything the wrong way, not taking it seriously enough.

"Well no," Fred admits, reaching out for your hand, "why didn't you just talk to us?"

"Because you wouldn't want me anymore," you said in a quiet voice, your tone blunt as if it was obvious. You were trying so hard not to cry, pushing down every urge as you faced your problems head on.

"Who told you that?" George says, outraged at the notion.

"No one?" You say unconvincingly, even though it was the truth.

"Sweetheart," Fred says, pausing and looking up to you with hesitation, "do you still want to be called that?"

You nod slowly, still unsure of where the conversation was going.

"I know this is a big thing for you, it's a big thing for all of us, and rightly so, but it doesn't change how we feel," he says, a smile tugging at the side of his mouth, as if he's trying to show you that it really is okay.

"Yeah," George says from beside him, "you're still ours, just with a few different pronouns."

You're silent for a moment, shocked as you take in their words until a huff of laughter escapes you.

"You're really okay with it? You still want to be with me?"

They share a look between each other, identical devious smiles on their faces.

"A few questions," Fred says, suddenly rather serious. You nod instantly, having anticipated this.

"Have you had a brain injury in the past 24 hours?"

"Eh?" You ask, suddenly feeling very vulnerable.

"I ask, you answer," he smirks with a shrug. You shake your head. “Not fell off a broom or from a high ledge?” Once again you shake your head, still reeling with confusion.

"Have you been put under the imperius curse? Blink twice for yes," George says, an identical expression on his face. You blink once, with a frown and shake your head.

"Are you really someone else pretending to be our love, using Polyjuice potion to trick us?"

"No."

“Prove it, one thing about me and Georgie that no one else would know,” Fred says, egging you on with a grin and a wiggle of his eyebrows.

“Uh, George has a freckle on his left rib and you have a mark on your left bumcheek,” you say, squinting up at them, not quite believing that those exact words were tumbling out of your mouth.

"Then that's sorted," George says, as if it's that simple. "We might need reminding sometimes, old habits and all that but nothing will really change, not between us at least."

"We love you, male or female, simple really."

The night of the Yule Ball had finally come and you were a bundle of nerves as you fiddled with the buttons on your suit.

It was ironic really that your whole life had turned upside down but you'd landed exactly the right way up, never happier now that you could be exactly who you'd always been, who you knew you really were inside.

The idea of having to wear a dress, to conform to the social pressures that came along with your birth assigned gender was the catalyst to all of this, the turning point that you couldn't go back from. As you looked in the mirror and saw the man you had always been inside reflected in the mirror, a tear came to your eye.

"You look perfect, love," George says moving to stand behind you. He towers over you as usual and you can't help but think of how devastatingly handsome he looks, the colours of his waistcoat and dress robes contrasting perfectly with his flaming hair.

"You both look so handsome," you say, reaching out for them both as Fred steps closer to you, his suit matching George's and complimenting your own.

"Out the way, three handsome gentlemen coming through!" Fred says, barging past the crowd as he leads you by the hand into the hall, George attached to your other hand as you navigate the crowd together.

“Yeah coming through! He’s all ours, everyone put your eyes back in your head and avert them!” George shouts, shooting you a wink.

Your smile shines brighter than every candle in the hall combined as you make your grand entrance, finally at peace with yourself and the world around you.

Taglist is currently being uploaded.

[blueepink07]

Skipped a beat

Just my interpretation of what Mahiru was thinking during the latest timeline conversation! You can also read it here.

The dining room is quiet today, the only sound that can be heard being the occasional rattle of a wheelchair.

Mahiru is waiting quietly as per Yuno's request with a feeling of anticipation. Unfortunately, boredom easily succumbed, her thoughts of worry for Yuno and for the current events peeking in.

The voices have unexpectedly calmed down… Meaning that the days of guilt for always needing someone to escape from the prison of her mind are finally over. Recently, the voices are taking pity on her condition and seem to be encouraging… But Mahiru feels weird because of that. Sometimes, she hears words of love and admiration, complimenting her. But she doesn't like it, especially after discussing it with Yuno. It doesn't feel sincere like in those beautiful mangas she used to read. Not like in her past relation-.....

Better not think of that. After all, Yuno wanted to give her something. She doesn't know why… Is today a special event? It has been long since Mahiru has kept a hold of the days… It makes her upset to remember that she can't enjoy the activities she used to. Cooking, baking, cleaning, make-up…

She can only hope that Shidou's treatment will be fruitful. Her only hope to feel better again lies in his hands. But… It is scary. It's scary that she doesn't feel much better. Like her body is one with the pain. However, he promised her that, no matter what, she will be healed. Those words he said that day, made her heart flutter at that time. But doubt does really creep in… sometimes…

"Hei… Mahiru…"

!!

Fuuta…? Was she so deep in thought that she couldn't hear him approaching…? She doesn't remember the last time they talked. She hasn't seen him having a conversation with other prisoners for a very long time. Small talks with Amane, but nothing more. He would go to his cell immediately after dinner or lunch. She has always wondered how he can subdue the voices, being in constant loneliness. Mahiru can't help but feel that the boredom has dispersed.

"Are you… doing alright? Isn’t there any way you can get better…?"

So gentle… is he really ok? She has noticed that Shidou stopped tending to his injuries as much as before, all his attention being on her, because he grew worried about not seeing visible changes. She feels guilty. Fuuta is also in pain, but because of her condition… She should really talk to Shidou about this. Wait…

What had Fuuta asked her..? If she can get better…?

…

Better… She wished she could smile happily at him and answer with a genuine cheerful voice that she does.

"What's wrong, Fuuta? Yeah, I'm not feeling great… But Shidou has been taking care of me all this time. I'm sure if I keep getting treatment like this, I'll get better…"

"Would she really get better? Poor Mahiru…"

The voices… It's unfortunate that they really ask a good question…

Mahiru slowly moved her head to take a better look at Fuuta. His face is so changed… his expression… Mahiru can't decipher. It has lost that fierceness, his gaze seemingly withered out, without energy. The guilt consumes her more.

"I see. Continue the treatment, huh… How can you truly be saved, I wonder?"

Her heart has skipped a bit. But… Why? Despite thinking of him as nothing more than a bully, somebody who could never understand how beautiful it is to care for somebody else, to give all yourself to them… He still came to her with all these injuries which cause him pain. To express his worries! And they seem sincere… So sweet… like a cake…

Simple words, but she feels better… A sudden wave of energy makes her forget about her hurting body.

"Saved…?? Are you worried about me?…That's nice of you, Fuuta. Just thinking that way… Mahiru feels saved already."

This time, she was honest. Her chest was warm as she carefully watched Fuuta's expression.

…

It's still the same. Lost and empty. Does Fuuta not believe her? He from a few months ago would have argued back and denied that he acts from kindness. She shamelessly admits that she misses these reactions from him…

"It's that so…? My words made you feel better? "

"Y-Yes!?"

"Perhaps my question has been answered already… "

"What… Fuuta have you said something?"

"No… It's nothing…"

Fuuta looked at her like he wanted to say something more. Mahiru was eagerly waiting. It felt like it was something important.

"Take care of yourself. I wish for you to get better soon…"

With that, Fuuta slowly moved away from the wheelchair, still seemingly lost in thought.

… Mahiru is not very good at reading people, but she could tell that this was not what Fuuta wanted to say. She sighed disappointed watching Fuuta's figure fading away.

"Mahiru!!~"

"Ah, Yuno!"

"Sorry to keep you waiting so much! But I wanted to add a few more things!!"

A strawberry shortcake was put on the table with visible care. There were many pink and red hearts drawn on the white frosting and a few ones cut from some strawberries. They were by far from perfect, but for Mahiru it didn't matter. Just the thought alone that Yuno spent time baking and decorating it, made her heart skip a beat for a second time.

"Happy birthday, Mahiru!!"

The day she had forgotten about…

"Ah… Mahiru, don't cry… Then your special day will not be happy anymore, won't it…?"

"These… These are tears of happiness! Thank you…! I don't know what else to say… I'm sorry, I'm not good with words…"

"You have nothing to apologize for… Please take a bite! Hope it's good!"

Mahiru has slowly calmed down, a sweet flavor invading her taste buds. Fuuta's words still lingered in her mind as she took another bite.

It was sweet…

[strawberyblogs]

Genshin Impact Alhaitham x GN! Reader - Love Letters 🍉

Background: Y/N currently resides in the boundaries of Mondstadt. Alhaitham (frequently referred to as Al) is on a lengthy obligation in Sumeru. Although separated by distance, the two lovers communicate through letter.

July 3rd

To my beloved Al,

In these past evenings, I've found myself wandering without your presence; therefore, I decided to write you this epistle. Although I gave you my word that I would obtain ways to keep myself company, these sweltering days make it taxing. A typical day for me doesn't begin till almost an hour before noon. Of course, I awake much before that; however, I am simply enamored with The Pale Princess and the Six Pygmies and spend at least a few hours each day reading and rereading the novel. Do you recall when you first retrieved such a gift for me? Oh, of course not! Do not believe that I doubt your intelligence; it's simply the fact that you gather so many artifacts for me on your various journeys. You must think that these gifts are just silly toys for me; however, each one has its own place on my mantlepiece. Oh dear, I feel that I have gone on and on about only myself. Please realize that it seems as if there's not a molecule in my body not possessed by my longing for you. In my evenings without you, I find my way to Stormbearer Point in remembrance of the times we'd spent there together. But I do admit that during my moments atop that hill, the small of my waist feel rather empty, and my fingers now only may interlock with loneliness. These tepid summer nights feel quite comforting, but they do not replace the warmth your body once exerted against mine. Despite my deep longing for your touch, I must acknowledge that I have been sleeping quite well. I'm quite impressed by my ability to finally put pen to paper; however, this shall conclude my exchange. I feel lethargic and wouldn't want that to diminish the quality of my penmanship. This night shall have the sensation of a thousand without you. It's my greatest wish that you will receive this letter with its dignity preserved and may even find the time to return one to me. 

Goodnight to me, good day to you, maybe.

With deepest love and admiration,

~ Y/N

July 14

Y/N, 

Please pardon my timely response. I was simply trying to find the time to correctly express my yearning for you. That, combined with the current undertakings I am consumed with, has resulted in this delayed message. Contrary to your concerns, my time has been filled with plenty of proceedings to busy me. As of now, I reside in Sumeru City. Not to boast, but my room is quite spacious. Unfortunately, I'm not able to communicate all the details with you, as confidentiality rules typically go. My location does frequent between Sumeru City and Vanarana. The glowing aura of the Tree of Dreams makes my heart ache for you. I bet your laughter has graced the air as you read about me comparing you to a tree; however, I wish you could see it yourself. It's a bewitching violet and azure tone with dainty leaves emerging from the top. Although it is quite a landmark, its appeal is laughable compared to your glamour. I would give my own soul just to lay my eyes on you for just another moment, if such an exchange could be made. Excuse my dramatics; however, it does feel like my heart is but a thousand tons without your presence. My lips so strongly ache for your gentle kiss that I can't even utter a word. Thankfully, my silence is quite useful for a moment such as now. Even with such a bustling scene in Sumeru City, I still do feel as lonesome as you. It's quiet moments like these where I truly realize how much of my body you fill with your light. It feels like such an injustice that I have been savagely torn away from you due to my work. Why I have half a mind to run away to somewhere far away with your fingers intertwined in mine. Liyue maybe? Ah, but with the reputation my name and face carry, such fantasies would be impossible. My dear, please know that before the leaves fall, your touch will again meet mine. Love is not a worthy word to describe my feelings for you. The sensation in my breast when I think of you is simply indescribable. Continue to share your days with me through letter. We must remember that distance is but a miniature obstacle.

Goodbye,

~ Alhaitham

--

If it's unclear, these are just short exchanges between Y/N and Alhaitham through letter.

If you made it to the end, I thank you immensely! I hope this all made some sense and anything you have questions about, leave a comment or inbox me! If you enjoyed this writing, please like and/or reblog! And as always, PLEASE send in requests! Thanks again for reading!!

-🍓

[foster-the-world]

Vacation tmrw

Headed on vacation to Canadian Rockies tmrw. Baby boys been watching bear safety videos. He's got big plans to use bear spray or punch the bear in the nose. He's going to be disappointed when we (hopefully) don't run into any bears. We love hiking but with the kids it will be light trails that are well populated. I'm sure there will be lots of stuffed bears to visit. There is some kind of wolf sanctuary we may visit.

I booked a covered wagon ride to a outdoor BBQ dinner with some fun activities included. Also, booked visiting a glacier via some big ice explorer car. My dad won't be into hiking so trying to do things everyone will enjoy. The town we changed to due to wildfires in Jasper has a mountain coaster and a fairy forest. I def want to visit Hot Springs. Lots of restaurants looks great. Our airbnb is a condo in a building with a water slide/pool and a hot tub on our balcony. I'm really hoping baby boy sleeps okay. If not, at least he can run around outside as much as he wants. His cough is 95% gone. Thank God.

I had booked my husband and I dinner out at a fancy restaurant for one night. Unfortunately, it turned out to be the day of his fantasy team draft. I didn't mind cancelling the reservation. I'm sure we will go out another night. Thankful my parents come along so we can have some no kid time. The past few years his team had done poorly so I've hardly noticed he plays. If his team does well it can be very time consuming. I'm glad he has something he likes. I do prefer when both of us are not on our phones when hanging out with the kids.

I'll be glad to have baby boy back at his normal school in a few weeks. The camp seemed to like him. They were happy to see him in the morning and no bad reports. However, the girls reported back some of his not so great behavior. I'm too anxious (about him only) to have him at a place that is not equipped for kids with extra needs. There is another mainstream camp that also advertises how they train their staff to handle kids with ADHD. That seems like a nice mix of what he needs.

I've been loving the DNC but am glad its the last night. I need to go to bed earlier.

[littlemissaddict]

Not My Day - Joseph Quinn x Fem!Reader

Summary: It's Joe's first day off for a while and all reader wants to do is spend time with him but unfortunately she has to work.

Word Count: 1195

My first time writing for Joe but I saw this picture and the idea has been stuck in my head ever since so I just had to write it. RPF so if you don't like reading that please skip this.

Today was the first day in a while that Joe had had off. His past few months having been filled with filming, comic cons and work calls that he was really needing the time just to relax and recharge despite how much he enjoyed his work and everything that came with it. Although he couldn't deny he was looking forward to a few days spent doing nothing with his girlfriend, the only problem being that she had to work.

"Are you sure you can't just call in sick?" he pouted; his already big eyes seemingly larger now that he was pleading with her from his spot in the bed as he watched her get dressed.

"I would take a few days off but we're so understaffed already, I can't do that to them" she sighed because she wanted the same as him, a couple of days spent doing nothing but doing it together. Him being away for long periods of time was tough and she always missed him so much that it had almost broken them up as they spent more time apart than they did together at one point that it was just too much. "I will try for an early finish though but I can't promise anything" she compromised as she finished pulling her hair up into the tie and brushed a few stray pieces off her shirt from where they'd fallen.

"Do I get a kiss before you go then?" he asked, pushing himself into a sitting position and puckering his lips.

"A kiss I can do'' she confirmed but as she came closer, she noticed the cheeky smile that had worked its way onto his face and she could tell that he was up to something. She dropped her hands to her hips as she stood at his side of the bed, close but just out of reach, "but no funny business, you got it Quinn '' she laughed, eyebrow raised as she remained just out of his reach as she waited for his answer.

"You got it, love" he saluted, piling on the dramatics just to see her smile as she finally leaned down to kiss him. Her lips were as soft as he remembered and just as intoxicating as he tried to pull her back when she pulled away.

"I love you but I gotta go or I'm going to be late" smiled sadly as she left him with a wave as she left the room which was followed by his own shout of 'I love you' as she closed the front door behind her.

All throughout the day her mind kept wandering back to Joe and what she’d give to be back home, cuddled up with him on the couch with the tv on playing god knows what as they finally have a chance to catch up with each other and maybe steal a few kisses as well. Although it seems her wandering thoughts consumed her more than she’d thought as it seemed she kept making mistakes throughout the day as her boss pulled her aside just after lunch and told her to go home. She didn’t argue, instead collected her things and promised she’d be focused tomorrow as she passed her boss on the way on.

Stepping outside the building the first thing she did was pull out her phone and message Joe to let him know she was on her way home before pocketing her phone and beginning the twenty minute walk home.

“Joe honey, I’m home” she calls as she steps through the door, not even closing it before she hears Joe call out that he’s in the living room. Toeing her shoes off and leaving them by the front door, she deposits her bag on the bottom step of the stairs before she pads into the living room where she finds Joe sprawled out on the couch, who as soon as he sees her reaches out for her making grabby hands at her which makes her chuckle. The weight of the day feels like it’s been lifted off her shoulders by just being in his presence and she’s quick to cross the room so she can hold him, or more accurately he can hold her and she can’t start to feel more like herself again.

“How was work love?” he asks as she melts into him the moment he wraps his arms around her and pulls her into his lap, burying his face into her neck where his stubble scratches against her skin which makes her shiver.

“Well I was sent home so that should tell you enough” she sighs, leaning her head back so that it flops back against his shoulder and inadvertently exposes more of her neck to him as he begins to press soft kisses against the skin that set the butterflies in her stomach all aflutter.

“Wanna tell me about it?” he asks, momentarily pausing his kisses to speak.

“Not much to tell, I just missed you” she admits, seeing no point in lying when she can tell he’s missed her just as much, “kept thinking about you so much that I kept messing up and I guess they’d had enough of me in the end” she mutters and he pulls his head from her neck.

“Yeah?” he questions teasingly, smiling when she nods then leaning into her so close that his lips brush against as he speaks again, “well I’m going to love on you so much tonight that you’ll be glad to get to work tomorrow just to get a break” he hums, closing the barely there gap between them and finally pressing his lips to hers in a gentle yet passionate kiss that has them both breathless when they pull away.

“Don’t think I’d ever want a break from you” she whispers, almost as if she’s afraid that her voice will break the little bubble they’ve situated themselves in.

“Is that a challenge baby” he questions, a smirk pulling at his lips when she shakes her head, “Oh I think it was” he chuckles, attacking her lips once more, this time in a bruising kiss that has her moaning into his mouth before he pulls away with a look of amusement on his face as she tries to follow him to get his lips back on hers. “Come on love why don’t you get changed into something more comfortable, we’ve got all night after all” he suggests, squeezing her thigh as she remembers that she’s still in her work gear and reluctantly, only after the reminder that he’s not going anywhere, does she pull away from him to do so.

With the promise of a night in her boyfriend's arms and her favourite food awaiting her she can’t help but think of how lucky she is that she gets to have this even if it’s few and far between and well she’s more than happy to have these precious moments to cherish even if it means a few months a year away from each other. Though there is one thing she knows for certain is that Joe is it for her and that’s all that matters to her.