#harvesting the agony of players

[crumbleclub]

There's this weird and very gory French + Canadian film called Martyrs (exercise caution when looking it up in terms of images if that stuff freaks you out) and the basic concept is like. Some cult trying to understand what happens after death by bringing people to the brink of it in the most traumatic and agonizing ways possible. And I just realized that that's really some William Afton shit, both for the original motive and for remnant extraction.

(Accidentally wrote an essay in the tags so, ah. Read those I guess)

[saddestghostaround]

the new webkinz players/who came after the 2015 update will never understand the absolute agony of trying to harvest your garden

[icharchivist]

it cuts to a montage of Skydwellers fighting, hunting, and harvesting materials from Primal Beasts to be stronger while trying to keep them alive, all while the primals are screaming in agony and Lucifer and Cosmos watch in pain

....... except the primals chosen for that are the ones we as players have to beat up to harvest materials for the Xeno weapons............

at least y’know most of the raids are based on the idea of “it’s a friendly test of strength the primals wants you to do”.

But this is one way to remind us that oNE OF THE CORE GAMEPLAY of the game makes us the baddies.

Tbh i’m starting to think Cosmos will split into Zooey and Geo and it’s probably her pain upon seeing this happen that will create Geo, who will on his hand carry on and condemn us for the Unite and Fight’s stuff.

but like. If the game wasn’t forcing us to do it i swear i would not do it don’t be mean to me 😭

[new-poets-society]

Teen Idol (from Rosarium Part I)

I’ve seen movies, suggestive stares

All my flames are made of paper 

I sit my dolls on classroom chairs

And cherry-pick frames to treasure

Until, found right in front of me

Selling romance without heartbreak

Robbed of originality

Presents itself a trained target 

He only needs to smile to cleanse

Any mean faces off my fields

The ones he puts me up against

Feed off my own missing appeals

They’re rough; if he can be gentle

I kneel to lower his defense

By a recurrent miracle 

Somehow, I always stand a chance

I’m feeling lucky: he’s smitten

Needing rescue from his distress 

He vaguely begs to be bitten 

I drop my front, firmly obsessed

Rumor has it, he’s been lonely

Mourning a former possession 

Disarmed, slender… a bit weary

I can always spot the symptoms

Just to blend into his background 

I go everywhere he might be

And bit by bit, breaking him down

I taste, of need, the agony  

I soothe my burns in a drizzle

I patch him up when he’s battered

My head fills up with his sizzle

I swear it’s the best thing I’ve heard

For a little while, I forget 

The distant laughter, the rattling

Rapt mid-summer, drenched in cold sweat

I forever belong to him 

Until the curls break to loosen 

The honey eyes drip down my arms

I taste white tears, and confusion

Finally, misplace my doll’s charms 

With my eyes wet and my lips pursed 

I swear I’ll give my life for his

I guard his cage until it bursts

I’ll cover the scars on my ribs

I run right back into the trap

Of an articulate monster

As it lays flat across my lap 

I read into the next chapter

My latest find’s too hard to faze

I move on to a new design

As I look straight into the blaze

He appears ready to be mine 

In every new story I’m told

I rise to claim the starring role

Coated in wax, reflecting gold 

The last thing he’ll need is a soul

I’m the one who loves in silent 

Convinced to handle wood with care

When the harvests are compliant

I take my heart back for a glare

I’m used to the game, its treasons

Melted pupils and worn out gear  

I cast light on my distractions

Only to watch them disappear

I’ve learned too well, after the break

We only survive on paper

I replay last summer’s mistake

And my lover is a player

I buy a few accessories

I prepare a look for the fall

I pack my made-up memories

With my own life-sized, teenage doll

Nobody sits to collect dust

Upon my bent, deserted shelf

There’s not a soldier I can trust

I learn to entertain myself

I don’t look for another fit

I’m the one I dress, and undress

I ponder over my own bits

Put ornaments up in my nest

Hanging around the same playground

Easy to miss, hard to regret

I walk around with my head down

And keep my eyes in my pocket

Until they’ve dried, and it’s raining

Isn’t this how it all began? 

It’s October, leaves are turning

Into the wind, I’m just a fan

[tabletoptrinketsbyjj]

Random Godly Domains: Depending on your system and in-game universe, there may already be a pantheon, singular or lack of Gods. However, people are superstitious wherever your players go and the Random Domains Tables allow a DM to generate a domain, theme or patronage to quickly flesh out a trinket with a “Random Godly Domain”.  These deities can be minor or local Gods to the area, trumped up mages, patron saints, angels, demons, powerful fey, or demigods. Remember these “Gods” don’t have to exist in the same way other deity’s do in your setting who are able to take physical form and can just be a form of local superstition or have cult-like status. For a truly random domain, roll a d6 (Rerolling 6's) to select the table, then roll (Somehow) on that table. Each of the 5 alignments now have 80 domain options.

–1, Good Domains:

Air

Altruism

Angels

Benevolence

Blessings

Charity

Comfort

Community

Companionship

Compassion

-Keep reading for many more Godly Domains.

—Note: The previous 10 Domains are repeated for ease of use.

–1, Good Domains: 

Air

Altruism

Angels

Benevolence

Blessings

Charity

Comfort

Community

Companionship

Compassion

Conscience

Consecration

Contentment

Contrition

Cooperation

Courtship

Creation

Dawn

Day

Decency

Determination

Devotion

Empathy

Equality

Excellence

Faithfulness

Fertility

Fidelity

Forgiveness

Friendship

Generosity

Glory

Good

Good Fortune

Grace

Healing

Heroism

Home

Hope

Hospitality

Humility

Joy

Kindness

Legends

Liberation

Life

Light

Love

Loyalty

Mercy

Miracles

Morale

Morality

Pacifism

Patience

Peace

Penance

Penitence

Perseverance

Piety

Protection

Providence

Purity

Radiance

Recovery

Redemption

Remorse

Restoration

Retribution

Righteousness

Sanctity

Shame

Sincerity

Summer

Sun

Truth

Victory

Virility

Virtue

Zeal

–2, Evil Domains:

Abominations

Absolution

Agony

Annihilation

Apocalypse

Arson

Betrayal

Blood

Calamity

Cannibalism

Catastrophe

Corruption

Crime

Curses

Damnation

Darkness

Decay

Defilement

Demons

Desecration

Desolation

Disfigurement

Domination

Dread

Envy

Espionage

Evil

Failure

Fear

Fraud

Genocide

Gluttony

Gossip

Greed

Hatred

Havoc

Heresy

Horror

Hubris

Loss

Malevolence

Malformed

Malice

Misery

Misfortune

Murder

Necrosis

Night

Oblivion

Oppression

Pain

Pestilence

Plagues

Poison

Racism

Rage

Revenge

Rot

Ruin

Sadism

Shadow

Sin

Slaughter

Slavery

Sloth

Sorrow

Suffering

Swamps And Bogs

Terror

Torment

Torture

Treachery

Tyranny

Undeath

Vanity

Villainy

Violation

War

Winter

Wrath

–3, Neutral Domains:

Ancestors

Animal Husbandry

Animals / Beasts

Art

Ash And Dust

Autumn

Balance

Beauty

Beginnings

Children

Crossroads

Crusade

Death

Depths

Deserts

Destiny

Disease

Dragons

Endings

Enlightenment

Entropy

Eternity

Exploration

Extinction

Fate

Fields

Fire

Flowers

Forests

Forgotten

Future

Gardens

Hunt

Ice

Inevitability

Infinity

Insects

Insight

Intelligence

Journeys

Lava

Limbo

Magic

Memory

Music

Mysteries

Natural Disasters

Nature

Neutrality

Oceans

Oration

Past

Plants

Pleasure

Portals

Portents

Power

Quests

Regret

Renewal

Resolve

Resurrection

Sacrifice

Sea

Sky

Solitude

Sorcery

Spirits

Stars

Stories

Strength

Survival

The Dead

The Grave

Thought

Time

Toil

Travel

Void

Weather

–4, Lawful Domains:

Abstinence

Absolutes

Agriculture

Alchemy

Allegiance

Artifice

Banishment

Bureaucracy

Burial

Captivation

Chastity

Civilization

Collection

Commerce

Competition

Completion

Construction And Building

Contracts

Cooperation

Crafting

Deals

Dedication

Defense

Diligence

Diplomacy

Discipline

Duels

Duty

Earth

Education

Engineering

Ethics

Exile

Fortitude

Harvest

History

Honor

Immortality

Industry

Judgment

Justice

Knowledge

Language

Law

Marriage

Mathematics

Medicine

Merit

Metal

Motherhood

Mourning

Nobility

Order

Pacts

Perfection

Philosophy

Plans

Probability

Prophecy

Prudence

Psychopomp

Punishment

Reason

Redundancy

Rituals

Rulership

Secrets

Servitude

Strategy

Tactics

Temperance

The Forge

Trade

Tradition

Traps

Valor

Vigilance

Wealth

Wisdom

Wizardry

–5, Chaotic Domains:

Adventure

Accidents

Alcohol

Ambition

Anarchy

Birth

Captivation

Change

Chaos

Charm

Conspiracies

Controversy

Cowards

Curiosity

Decadence

Deception

Desire

Destruction

Discord

Disorder

Drama

Dreams

Feasting

Ferocity

Fey

Freedom

Fury

Gambling

Guilt

Hedonism

Humor

Illusion

Imagination

Independence

Insanity

Inspiration

Insurrection

Intoxication

Invention

Laughter

Lies

Luck

Lust

Madness

Mischief

Monsters

Moon

Nightmares

Pandemonium

Passion

Pride

Profanity

Rebellion

Rebirth

Reincarnation

Revelation

Revelry

Riots

Rumors

Sexuality

Shapeshifters

Space

Spring

Storm

Swarms

Tempest

Temptation

The Far Realms

The Great Beyond

The Unknown

The Wilds

Thievery

Transformation

Trickery

Turmoil

Untamed

Vengeance

Vice

Whimsy

Wit

[animebw]

Binge-Watching: Sarazanmai, Episodes 6-8

In which we find out the history driving this conflict, desire and love are two sides of the same coin, and everything falls apart.

Otterly Ridiculous

Well slap my salami and call me a commie, because we just got one hell of a lore dump. As it turns out, the kappa prince Keppi our heroes have been serving is one of the last surviving members of a war between a once-great kappa kingdom and their mortal enemies, the kingdom of otters. Their conflict was over the energy of desire, the ability to turn want itself into great power. But the kappas lost, and with their victory ensured, the otters turned their attention to harvesting desire from humans. Mabu and Reo are merely two small pawns in that empire, an empire that abuses human desire, packages it up in perfect little cardboard boxes, and uses it as a source of crafting giant kappa zombies who suck up even more desire. But the otters’ victory wasn’t flawless; Mabu actually straight-up died in the final battle saving Reo. And the Mabu we’ve been following all this time is nothing more than a cheap recreation, all the memories of his former self but none of the humanity. He’s a fake, a facade, a hollow shell that only serves to remind Reo day after day of everything he lost so long ago. But despite how much agony is brings him, he can't bring himself to throw this fake Mabu away. Not when it’s the one connection remaining to someone he cared for with all his heart.

That’s a hell of a lot to take in, and it’s once again to Sarazanmai’s credit that it’s able to so effectively threat the needle between concrete information and metaphorical symbolism. In the space of all these reveals, not only do we understand the magnitude of the conflict Kazuki and his friends have been wrapped up into, we also understand the emotional stakes driving all the players on both sides of this ever-ongoing war. It also helps that a lot of the finer details have been very clearly foreshadowed, to the point where I’m almost surprised I didn’t notice them before. Like, now that it’s actually revealed that the fake Mabu has a mechanical heart that Reo has to keep jump-starting through the creating of kappa zombies to keep him alive, I’m remembering them doing that exact process during every dance and wondering why I didn’t pick up on that sooner. Ditto prince Keppi and Sara being on the same side (and in love as well, I think?); it is stupidly obvious in retrospect that Keppi was the kappa who was always flouncing around in Sara’s broadcasts, so it makes total sense that they’re the last surviving members of the old kappa kingdom, still fighting desperately to stop the otters from monopolizing desire. And with these stakes firmly established, Sarazanmai is finally able to reveal its ultimate game plan, a plan that it’s been sneakily reinforcing every time the otter cops pose the question to a new hapless victim:

This is a show about the conflict between desire and love.

Hearts and Minds

When you think about it, desire and love and really two sides of the same coin. They’re both feelings based on a deep, yearning want, a want of someone, or something, to bring into your life and give you meaning beyond what you can give yourself. The difference is in intent: desire is selfish, while love is selfless. Desire monopolizes and hoards, love shares and connects. Desire is wanting things solely for yourself, love is wanting things for the sake of the people you care about. But because of how closely knit those two concepts are, it’s dangerously easy to get them confused. And that’s exactly what our heroes and villains alike are struggling with: they want to connect (with love), but their hangups and selfishness (desire) makes them shoot so wildly they miss the target and leave damage in their wake. The Otter Empire’s entire structure is built around the exploitation of desire, to the point where the kappa zombies they birth from people’s wants are erased from existence entirely once they’re destroyed. They have no use for people who land on the love side of the coin; those poor souls just get chewed up by a very Child Broiler-esque grinder of oblivion. Yet the connection Mabu and Reo shared was clearly so much more than desire; Reo wouldn’t be so broken by living with this false Mabu if he didn’t genuinely love the original. Mabu begged Reo not to let go of his desires as he died, because without Mabu, Reo had nothing but desire left. Meanwhile, Mabu 2.0 is a being entirely warped by desire, who wants Reo to desire him like he desired the first Mabu, unaware that he’s trying to recreate a selfless bond with a selfish intention.

And then there’s our heroes, all of whom showcase just how fucking easy it is to get selfish desire confused as selfless love. Kazuki tried to convince himself he was cutting Haruka off for his brother’s sake, that his brother was better off without him, but the shock of his lie being revealed forced him to confront the fact that he was only doing it for his own selfish desire to avoid accepting the fear of loving someone he feels he can never repay. Because if Kazuki was willing to genuinely love his brother, he would realize that Haruka wanted nothing more than to live with Kazuki at his side, smiling like always, someone he could trust and confide in no matter how bad things got. It’s only when Enta and Tooi finally break through to him that Kazuki’s finally able to let himself love Haruka, realizing that selflessness often means letting people who care for you into your life instead of shutting them out for your own convenience. And once he makes that breakthrough, he’s capable of shaking off his despair and seeking to make real connections once more, returning to Enta’s side as one half of the Golden Duo and picking the soccer club back up again. It’s a really wonderful moment, when we see him symbolically running with that ankle bracelet again as he races to catch his brother right before he’s chewed apart. He’s shaken off his self-loathing at last, and now he’s got the chance to live the life he’s always deserved to live.

Ripped Apart

But no sooner does he make that break-through than his newfound maturity forces both of his friends to confront their own contradictory selfishness, and the rifts that forms shatters them all over again. Like Kazuki, Tooi has tried to live entirely for his brother Chikai; after all, his brother sacrificed everything for him, so why shouldn’t he do the same in return? He even gave up his dream of being a soccer player (in case the metaphor of soccer = companionship/connection wasn’t clear enough already) to make life easier on Chikai. But Chikai’s not stupid; he’s noticed the way Tooi’s face lights up when he thinks about his newfound friends, the way he blushes when confronted about it. He knows his little brother might not be best off throwing everything away to pal around with a yakuza on the run, not when he’s got such important connections holding him. Hell, Tooi’s attempt to throw his connections away in the first place only ended up forging new ones; that ever-important ankle bracelet used to be his! And in trying to symbolically throw that dream away, he only ended up passing that dream to Kazuki, forming a bond in his very attempts to rid himself of bonds. He can’t shake the desire to connect, no matter how hard he tries. Even Enta can tell just from his voice through the phone how bitter his lies taste in his mouth as he tries to pretend he doesn’t need them anymore.

Not that Enta’s much one to talk, because fucking Christ does he screw the pooch here. He’s claimed to be fighting for his crush all this time, selflessly pursuing whatever goal Kazuki sets and helping him achieve his desires. But Tooi’s addition to their friend group forces him into a dark realization: he’s jealous of them. He’s jealous of Tooi’s companionship with Kazuki, jealous to the point where he’ll actively sabotage the soccer practice spot that means so much to him if it means Tooi and Kazuki have less time together. That supposedly selfless love he had for Kazuki curdled into selfish desire far too quickly; how dare Kazuki have such a close bond with someone else? How dare someone else intrude on my territory? How dare they have such a deep, intimate connection, a past shared in the very ankle bracelet that’s meant so much to Enta’s feelings for Kazuki, that Kazuki doesn’t even remember it yet still is perfectly happy spending time with Tooi regardless? He can’t accept any of it, and that rage ends up almost destroying his bond with the very person he thought he would never break from. And by the time he realizes his mistake, it’s too late: Tooi is leaving thanks to his meddling, the Otter Empire has already tracked them down, and the only way he can think to fix what he broke is to throw his own body on the line.

And that’s where we leave them for now. Our heroes are scattered, our enemies have gathered the Plates of Hope, and Enta’s bleeding out on the sidewalk after taking a bullet for Kazuki. Things are bad, bad, bad, and the climax is bearing down on us fast. All he have left is that one simple question: did Enta take the bullet for desire... or love?

Only one way to find out.

Odds and Ends

-”Cucumbers are awesome!” Aaaaand he’s lost it.

-”Pole dance.” ...why.

-”Oh my god, that’s creepy.” aslkdjasdkja

-Oh Christ, that conveyor-belt whirlpool descending into the Otter Kingdom is really fucking cool.

-”I’ve always been on the outside of the circle.” God this is breaking my heart

-”Dear Sara-chan.” Oh. Okay. Sure. Just rip my heart in half, why don’t you.

-”Let’s fix it up again.” Ooh, I do not like the strain in his voice when he said that.

-”Actually, never mind, you’re gonna throw me off my game.” pfft

-”I never said the damn word, did I?!” Oh, Ikuhara, you and your puns.

-WHY DOES HE HAVE A BALL GAG AKJSDHAKJSD

-”I’m not good at handling these situations...” You and me both, Tooi.

-Lol, and Chikai sacrifices him the first chance he gets. Let that be a lesson, Enta, never live wholly selfishly.

-”Help, police!” “Uh, we’re the police.” askjdhakjsdh

Holy cripes, this show is something else. One session left to go, so see you next time for the grand finale of Sarazanmai!

[theonyxpath]

Zombies aren’t the only problems survivors have in the wastelands. Hell is other people, but some folks don’t neatly sit on one side or the other of the “undead abomination” line. There are those who aren’t quite undead, but aren’t quite living either. These cannibalistic raiders comprise another collection of antagonists for your player characters to struggle against.

In nearly all creatures that walk the wastelands, a spark exists that enables them not only to survive, but to do so earnestly, with eyes facing the future despite the sins of their past. But in this bleak world, desperation grows paramount. One tragedy can lead survivors on paths riddled with horror, and tragedies are all too common nowadays. In the face of that agony, eating people becomes a little more convenient. Then the question of searching for bodies is answered by hunting them down instead, with other like-minded things that are not truly animals but definitely not people. 

These “survivors” go on to develop heinous conventions about how to eat flesh, how to harvest it, and how to process it. But the entire time, their brains are ill-equipped to perpetrate these horrors. In a final search for amity, they unite with others who have fallen into this abyss, to turn such acts into conventions, and then to turn conventions into dark and terrible cultures of rage and hate.

In the dark depths of their minds, that spark to survive goes out. It is replaced by a drive to do nothing more than exist, and in the wastelands, existence is monstrous. Therein lies the truth of the matter; that you are one bad day away from becoming just another terrifying raider.

Across the wastelands, individuals and communities alike are regularly assaulted by the unreasoning cannibals known as raiders. Driven insane by the weight of their deeds and the infection inside the meat they consume, they are warped into a force of nature, comprised of countless beings who are beyond redemption. Bestial, ravenous, utterly amoral, and downright petrifying, entire clans are composed of these genetic abnormalities. Within the cultures they have grown, each clan is unique in expression, traits, and tactics. Those who deviate are killed and eaten. But those who survive can transform their clans into something worse than before.

As cannibalistic people, their diet of infected meat is crucial to survival. Without it, raiders cannot heal over time and perish from starvation. But if they eat enough, they are remade with forms like the Strains, allowing for more insidious plots to hatch among their clans. Due to their reliance on the infection though, they do not pass through the Grave Mind like survivors. They are remade without consequences and view those who return with trauma as a greater threat than the undead.

For all their crimes, raiders cannot be redeemed. Due to the concentration of the infection inside their bodies, raiders have become reliant on it and will die if they do not eat enough. All attempts to reform them have failed, for they are now different from all the other strains. No longer people, they are the monsters of the wastes, wholly separate from the all-too-common undead.

[dailybestiary]

Nightmare Dragon

(Illustration by Christina Yen comes from GeekDad and is © Paizo Publishing.)

It doesn’t take a lot to sell the nightmare dragon.  It’s a shapechanging, acid-spitting dragon that lives in the nightmare section of the Dimension of Dreams—that’s scary enough.  You know who else lives in that neighborhood?  Soul-stealing night hags.  And Leng.  Like, all of Leng.  You get the picture.  (And if you don’t, a quick look at the nightmare dragon’s stat block, especially at higher age categories—with abilities like terrifying presence, rising nightmare, and dream terror, not to mention the magic of a full-fledged psychic—should convince you.  These dragons are bad news.)

Interestingly, the nightmare dragon isn’t the strongest of the esoteric dragons—not by a long shot. This may be a statement about the redemptive power of dreams and hope, or the triumph of the conscious mind and willpower (and thus the Astral) over the depths of the subconscious.  It may also explain why nightmare dragons, particularly the younger sort, are so eager to team up with night hags—for power in numbers and access to sleeping minds and souls—but in doing so, they humble and debase themselves further.

Also, like certain other dragon species we’ve covered, nightmare dragons are worth including in your campaign even if you never touch the rest of the esoteric dragon species.  If dragons are rare in your campaign, PCs might never know they face a Nightmare Dragon™—they’re facing Rannix, the Crawler in Dreams, who then surprises them with horrifying psychic powers.  Or, if you’ve drilled into your players that your world’s dragons operate on very Krynn-ian lines—metallic dragons = good, chromatics = bad—imagine their shock when they encounter nightmare dragons completely outside their understanding of draco-cladistics.

Against their better judgment, adventurers take part in a drug handoff down by the docks.  This is a bad idea in most cities, but it’s particularly foolhardy right now—because they are in a city on the shores of Leng.  The adventurers’ exchange with their denizen contact is almost complete when two nightmare dragons burst from the water, breathing acid everywhere. Someone narced on the deal.

A nightmare dragon resents the rule of the Nightmare Lords. She wants to carve out her own domain—and she thinks she’s found a way to do it.  By harvesting the silk of bloated spiders known as fever weavers, she can stitch together the dreamscapes of sleeping mortals, forcing them to share each other’s nightmares.  The sewn-up dreams of a small city would be an excellent start to her empire.

A magus of the Black Blood is determined to unlock the secrets of kundalini, the serpent fire—specifically, its dark opposite, the ashen shadow.  He abducts an adept of the Hidden Flame and tortures him, forcing negative energy-laced needles into the monk’s chakras.  Attempting to rescue the monk, adventurers arrive just as the last needle pierces the poor man’s crown chakra.  As the monk writhes in agony, the ashen shadow erupts from his brow as a nightmare dragon determined to torment the bodies and dreams of all it encounters.

—Pathfinder Bestiary 5 94–95

Anyone else notice the nightmare dragon illustration seems to have too many eyes?  (Or the right number of eyes, in very wrong places?)  A nice touch.

I’ve mentioned her before in these pages, but if you’re looking for a role-playing model for an older nightmare dragon, a great option is the night dragon Synn from the “Voyage of the Princess Ark” series—a creature far more interested in sowing emotional pain, fear, and loss than any amount of crude physical destruction…and willing to spend a once-in-a-century wish to see her plans to fruition. She pops up in various places in early “VotPA” installments, but Dragon Magazine #163 was her crowning achievement.

[itsbenedict]

No Driver’s License: Session 19

No Driver’s License is a Madoka Magica game I’m running for five players, using a homebrew of Yaruki Zero’s Magical Burst system. It follows five magical girls as they deal with an upheaval in the world’s magic system caused by some strange new three-eyed Incubators. They have to figure out what’s going on, who to trust, and how to put a stop to the cycle of despair.

I post session logs and omakes weekly, both as a reference for the players and for anyone who wants to follow along with the party’s misadventures.

[adventure log- read from the beginning]

[session 18]

It’s been a while, huh? The holidays were rough- we missed a couple weeks. Looks like we’re back, though! So... buckle up!

Last time on No Driver’s License: the girls took a look behind the scenes at space, and got like a dozen major revelations dumped on them. The true identities of Tama-chan and Nishi-chan, the source of magic, the nature of the impending apocalypse, what happened to Kyubey... all kinds of super heavy stuff like that. Said exposition happened in space, where they went, and met an incubator that wasn’t presenting as a cute plush toy, and...

Well, where we left off, the team was about to enter the Hell Engine, for the purposes of fucking around with the evil magic machine that powers the entire mahou shoujo system. The plan, according to Nishi, is to use it to tweak the magic system to be less horrific.

i’m glad you asked, kohotli

Quick housekeeping from last time: for some reason, Tumblr formatting ate up the questions for the bit where I mentioned the questions the party asked, only showing the answers:

No, it’s prohibitively hard to use both at the same time, and even using just the Incubator body required custom work to make her soul gem compatible with it.

No, they’re oldtype magical girls, made before Tamako changed the system- unlike the converted Incubator girls, they still have real bodies, and they haven’t undergone any psychological Purification.

They leech off the harvested energy directly. As long as they meet their quotas, no one notices them skimming a little power off the top.

No, that’s hard and Nishi doesn’t know how to do that- but maybe, if they figure out something while changing the system.

The questions, respectively, were:

Can you use both incubator and human bodies at once?

Are Tamako and Nishi newtypes? Have they undergone Purification?

How have they stayed alive this whole time, without Grief Seeds?

Now that Nishi’s fully cooperating, can she cure Sokoko?

That’s all for that.

So! The door opens- or, chews itself into nonexistence, and the team steps into the Engine. And... what the engine appears to be is a big huge empty desert. This time, anyway- according to Nishi, the interior changes every time. They’re set loose in the desert to try and find... well, anything. They’re supposed to track down demons, and do weird magic rituals with them to change how the magic system works.

Makoto’s the first to notice something- while wandering the desert, she finds two huge parallel walls, which are invisible from any angle besides looking straight down the hallway they form. She calls the party over, and Nishi confirms that they’re on the right track. The hallway has smaller hallways that branch off to the sides.

Rather than split up, they try and grill Nishi for answers, trying to get her to analyze the paths and tell them what the heck those paths lead to. After some grilling and speculation, they eventually narrow down the information and get some educated guesses from Nishi as to what messing with each path would do (including the path of “follow the hallway and don’t go down any branches”).

Sakura also wants to check to see if people can be brought back to life- extracted from the souls of cannibals and revived.

Yukari also has some concerns, here.

Nishi explains that future sight doesn’t work like memory editing- it’s way easier than messing with minds, so magic can do it without relying on Incubators. Yukari’s flabbergasted by how unintuitive this seems, but it’s really very simple, or so Nishi says. Telling the future just requires letting the universe run and looking at what naturally happens- it doesn’t need to do anything complicated. Memory-editing, by contrast, requires intelligence, an actual understanding of how minds work and how memories can be manipulated. Considerably harder than just pressing fast-forward and rewind on a VCR.

After some debate, the team actually agrees to play it safe and go for the plain hallway- the one where they should be able to disable the critical-hits system and avoid taking Overcharge from magical exertion. It shouldn’t do anything to really change the dynamics of the cannibal situation, but it’ll slow things down and give them more time and stability to plan their next move.

The hallway they pick becomes stairs, and- after Yukari provides the appropriate warning wrt/tripping and falling on stairs, so that it doesn’t keep happening and if it does she told them dog- they reach the end.

Sakura tests the waters with her axe- which dissolves a little bit. I mean, it probably would’ve done that if it were just water, because her axe is made of candy, but still. The team concludes that it’s hazardous.

Oh, and Ibara’s doing just fine:

As Sakura’s boat floats out onto the acid, something appears.

So, as Nishi explains, here, the goal of this demon ritual isn’t to slay the demon- it’s to get it to modify magic they way they want. In this case, they need to magically overexert themselves, experience that pain, and cause the demon- which is equipped with some sort of simplistic empathy- to decide that magical overexertion shouldn’t hurt like that.

(Mechanically, this means the team just needs to score ten total crits, doing whatever magic they want, to complete the ritual.)

The thing is, they don’t know those exact mechanics, and Yukari attempts to manipulate it by just experiencing a lot of pain. She’s recently stumbled across an excellent way of subjecting herself to excruciating non-injurious pain!

Yukari’s plan to be in extreme agony, uh, works. She super duper does subject herself to extreme agony. Great work! In fact, I might’ve actually let that count as critting for the purposes of the ritual... if the ritual were to go according to plan.

Let’s examine why the ritual does not go according to plan:

The demon repeats back everything anyone says to it. Mimicking. At least, everything anyone nearby says- Yukari’s still by the entrance, and...

Meanwhile, Ibara continues talking to the demon. Or... well, talking to herself, if you read it right. It’s an incredibly cool moment, Ibara savaging herself by proxy.

Can you guess what’s about to happen?

HOORAY!!!!!!

(we had to cut this session a little short because of a health crisis on the part of one of the players, but it worked out- we got one hell of a cliffhanger)

Next time on No Driver’s License: we find out what happens when you cross a witch with a demon, because THREE CHEERS FOR GOOD TIMING

[goblin-the-geek]

D&D Homebrew Items

Running my first session as a DM this Saturday and I’m excited as fuck to do it. Been working on a series of homebrew items for a while and I feel like sharing them with people outside the group. None have been playtested and I’m new to designing items like this, so feel feedback is encouraged. If anyone wants to use some of these items in their own games, feel free!

(Quarterstaff of the Spying Serpent, Lens of Valmoora, Chauntea’s Thornwhip, and Fortune’s End originally suggested by other players in the group. Ring of the Grammarian workshopped from the item originally featured in The Adventure Zone.)

Wondrous Items Items marked with an * require attunement.

Bracers of Bracing* Common These bracers provide a flat +2 bonus to resist being pushed, grappled, or otherwise moved against one’s will.

The Gift that Keeps Giving Common This small chest opens to reveal a smaller chest within. The chest within fills all available space, preventing any other items from being stored within. When withdrawn, the smaller chest grows to the size of the original, and the original chest fades out of existence.

Dwarven Brü Common This potion, favored by dwarves caught unawares in festivus by their enemies, instantly sobers the user from all non-magical effects that alter perception, impair judgment, or otherwise influence their mental faculties. For the next 10 minutes the user also has advantage on all saving throws to resist similar effects and poisons.

Mace Mace Common This unassuming mace is magically coated with a potent irritant to the eyes and throat. A creature struck with it for the first time must succeed on a DC 15 Constitution saving throw or be blinded until the end of their next turn. A creature affected by this weapon becomes immune to its effect for the next 24 hours.

Bead of Gravity Uncommon This small bead can be thrown up to 30 feet, detonating upon impact and creating a 10-foot field of altered gravity. The bead comes in three types: white, black, and gray. The white bead creates a field of anti-gravity, causing all objects and creatures within to float per the spell Levitate. The black bead creates a field of enhanced gravity, causing all objects within to become immensely heavy and pinning them to the ground. The gray bead creates a burst of inward gravity, causing everything within the field to fly toward the center, taking bludgeoning damage from collisions with other objects (1d6 per object or creature). Any unwilling creature within the bead’s field can make a DC 15 Dexterity saving throw (white or gray) or a DC 15 Strength saving throw (black) to resist the effects of the field. The effects of each bead lasts 1 minute.

Amulet of Giant’s Bane* Uncommon This amulet gives the wearer advantage when making attacks against enemies sized Large or larger. All other bonuses are applied normally.

Boots of the Living Shadow* Uncommon These black leather boots allow the wearer to walk silently, giving them advantage on stealth rolls while moving along the ground. Once per day the wearer can conjure a plume of black smoke and teleport up to 30 feet to an unoccupied location within sight (per the spell Misty Step).

Statikk Shiv* Uncommon On a critical hit (19-20), this jagged-bladed dagger emits a blast of lightning through its target, dealing an extra 1d10 lightning damage. The lightning arcs to up to 3 other enemies within 10 feet of the target or each other, prioritizing foes wearing metal armor, and deals 1d10 lightning damage to each target hit.

Transposing Ring* Uncommon This ring allows the user to switch places with another creature within 30 feet that they can see. An unwilling creature may resist with a DC 15 Constitution saving throw. This effect can be used once per day on an unwilling target, or twice per day on willing targets.

Bangin’ Scrunchie* Uncommon This radical piece of 80’s hairwear is both stylish and enchanting. Anyone who wears it draws the eyes of all around them, granting them a flat +2 bonus to Persuasion and Performance checks, as well as advantage on Sleight of Hand checks to steal from those who are enthralled by their undeniable stease.

Quarterstaff of the Spying Serpent* Uncommon This staff resembles a rigid steel snake holding a jade eye in its mouth. Upon activation the  snake comes alive and drops the jade eye. Whoever holds the jade eye can telepathically control the snake as if it were their own body, using the snake’s senses as their own. The snake has the base stats of a regular Snake enemy.

Ring of Invisible Arms* Uncommon A melee weapon held in the hand wearing this ring is rendered invisible, granting a +1 bonus to attack rolls made with that weapon. Once per day the ring can also render the effect of a single spell invisible, adding 1 to its save DC or increasing it’s damage by 1 die, if applicable.

Gloves of the Rider* Uncommon These worn leather gloves were once carried by a master cavalier, and the memory of their prowess lives on through them. While wearing these gloves you have proficiency with Animal Handling, and gain a +1 bonus to Strength (Acrobatics) and Dexterity (Athletics) checks while mounted.

Chauntea’s Thornwhip* Uncommon A thorned whip blessed and bestowed by Chauntea, goddess of greenery and harvest. This magical weapon deals an additional 1d4 piercing damage. As an action, you may use this weapon to make a grapple check against a creature within 5 feet of you using Dexterity instead of Strength. Subsequent restraint checks must still be made with Strength. As a bonus action while grappling using this method, you may deal 1d4 piercing + Dex. piercing damage.

Amulet of Local Calling* Rare This palm sized medallion has a central onyx gemstone surrounded by 6 slots for smaller gems, and a slot on the back containing a gem of a random type. The back gem can be removed and slotted into another amulet to attune it to the original amulet’s magical frequency. The back gem of each amulet regenerates after 1 minute and can be given to another user in turn. A gem from an Amulet will disappear if not slotted into another Amulet within 1 day. These amulets, when attuned to each other, allow the user to hold the onyx to their mouth and, while focusing on a specific gem, speak to the user of that gem’s medallion as though they were 5 feet apart. The amulets have a maximum range of 5 miles, and each can only be attuned to 6 other amulets at a time.

Silver Fox* Rare This small, silver, fox-shaped figurine affects its users in one of two unique ways. When held by a creature less than half their maximum age, they appear as though they are advanced in years, giving them advantage on stealth rolls to blend into crowds. When held by a creature over half their maximum age, they gain vitality equal to their prime youth. If a creature has taken any negatives to their attributes due to age, those negatives are removed.

Lens of Valmoora* Rare A magical focus made in honor of Valmoora, god of torment and agony, by the members of his cult. Many were commissioned and cursed at their god’s behest, but after Valmoora was slain by the adventurer Setzar Gul’Adatiere, many were repossessed and had their curses removed. When using the lens as a spellcasting focus, your spells are treated as one level higher for the sake of the spells counterspell and dispel magic.

Glacial Shroud* Rare This icy blue cloak chills the air around its wearer, reducing the movement speed of hostile creatures within 10 feet by 10 feet. Once per day as an action the wearer can spin the cloak with a flourish and emit a blast of icy wind, dealing 1d6 cold damage and reducing the movement speed of all hostile creatures within range to 0 until the end of their next turn (DC 15 Con. save).

Lolth’s Blessing* Rare This silver spider ring thirsts for blood, and grants those who feed it a number of boons. Any creature wearing this ring has Superior Darkvision (120 ft range) and can cast either Dispel Magic, Darkness, or Levitate at their lowest level once per day as an action. A drow wearing this ring gains a pool of Luck Points per the feat Lucky. The Queen of Spiders is a jealous, vengeful god, and does not grant her blessing frivolously. If a day (sunrise to sunrise) passes that the wearer of this ring does not spill blood in Lolth’s name, they are cursed and turned into a drider. The creature remains cursed until affected by a Remove Curse or Wish spell.

Beckoning Bell* Very Rare This chime of this bell reaches through time and space, calling out for the resonance of another. Once per day, when rung, any creature in possession of a partner bell may ring their own to answer the call, appearing in the nearest unoccupied space adjacent to their beckoner. This bell can summon creatures from anywhere on any plane. Unless a party member uses another Beckoning Bell to answer the call, roll a d20. A random creature will be summoned as described below:

1-3 | The Bell’s toll is answered by a hostile creature that will attack the beckoner or otherwise impede them.

4-6 | The Bell’s toll is answered by a neutral, size small creature that may or may not assist.

7-9 | The Bell’s toll is answered by a friendly, size small creature that will assist.

10-12 | The Bell’s toll is answered by a neutral, size medium creature that may or may not assist.

13-15 | The Bell’s toll is answered by a friendly, size medium creature that will assist.

16-17 | The Bell’s toll is answered by a neutral, size large creature that may or may not assist.

18-19 | The Bell’s toll is answered by two friendly, size medium creatures that will assist.

20 | The Bell’s toll is answered by a powerful ally of the beckoner who will assist in whatever way they can.

Ring of the Grammarian* Very Rare The wearer of this ring can alter any spell by one letter (e.g. changing cause fear to cause bear). The effects of this change are determined by the DM, taking the user’s wishes into account. The ring can be used once per day to alter a spell cast by the user or as a reaction to alter a spell cast by another. Altering another caster’s spell requires a wisdom saving throw against the wearer’s spell save. On a failed save, the spell is altered as dictated by the wearer of the ring. When used to alter a spell of level 5 or above by another caster, the ring is destroyed. Otherwise the spell is cast normally and the ring remains.

Full Metal Jacket* Very Rare This long coat shimmers brilliantly in all forms of light, giving its wearer disadvantage on stealth rolls in dim or brighter light, but grants a base AC similar to platemail armor without impeding movement for the purposes of travel or spellcasting. AC = 18.

Fortune’s End* Very Rare A shimmering gold coin emblazoned with a skull on one side, and a sigil of Tymora, goddess of luck, on the other. When the coin is flipped, it grants one of two effects: When the skull is revealed, up to four creatures within 30 ft. that you can see have disadvantage on all rolls for up to 1 minute. When the sigil of Tymora is revealed, up to 4 creatures within 30 ft. that you can see gain advantage on all rolls for up to 1 minute. Resisting or maintaining the effect requires DC 17 Wisdom saving throw. The coin can be flipped once per long rest.

Tooth of Tamara* Legendary This ancient longsword, carved from the tooth of a platinum dragon, is imbued with a godly radiance. Once per day the wielder of this sword can use an action to speak the Ptarian Code, activating the blade and making it shine with a warm silvery light. For 1 minute the wielder has immunity to necrotic damage and resistance to all other damage types. Also during this time the wielder can cause one Spell Attack that would otherwise hit them target the blade instead. If they succeed against the caster’s Spell Save, the arcane energy of the spell is devoured by the sword, restoring up to the sum of the spell’s level in spell slots to the wielder. The Tooth of Tamara is an eldritch force, not meant for mortal use, and greatly taxes a mortal wielder. A creature attuned to this sword may not attune to other magical items, and must maintain concentration on its effect when activated. The wielder suffers a level of exhaustion when the effect ends.

Armor of Denial* Legendary This enchanted breastplate allows the wearer to deflect any incoming attack, except for critical attacks, even if the attack would normally be successful. On a critical miss with a melee attack, the wearer can use a reaction to make an opportunity attack with advantage against the attacker. Both abilities can only be used once per day.

Loviatar’s Ladle Legendary This unassuming serving utensil was once used by the Willing Whip herself, and as one could guess, has been used to brew and dole out some of the most deadly tinctures ever concocted. Up to 5 square feet of liquid touched by this ladle is instantly cursed, and any creature that consumes it gains disadvantage on all rolls for 24 hours or until Remove Curse is used on them.

[inhumansforever]

Royals #7 review

spoilers spoilers spoilers spoilers spoilers spoilers spoilers spoilers spoilers

The Royals find themselves embroiled in the deadly Snarkwar and Maximus gets unleashed.  All from the creative team of Al Ewing, Kevin Libranda and Jose Villarrubia.  Full recap and review following the jump.

The Snarks are a warlike alien race who first appeared int he pages of Power Pack.  These half-insect/half-reptilian creatures possess the technology to harvest the special abilities from super powered beings.  Their world is enmeshed in a planet-wide civil war and Prince Hyinar, Snarkworld’s would-be leader has taken to the stars to collect and amass new powers so that he and his forces may return and conquer their world.  Hyena's forces have already defeated a Kymellian Sorceress, thus gaining the same abilities of the siblings who made up the Power Pack; and now they look to invade NovaHala, whose population is rich with Universal Inhumans possessing all manner of powers for them to plunder.  Last issue saw the Snarks capture Gorgon and kill Kal Blackbane (which is a g0ddam tragedy btw).  

Shackled, Gorgon can only growl and spit insults as he is forced to listen to Hyinar monologue his plans to capture the rest oft he Royals and steal their gifts.  Except for Medusa, whom the Snarks see as an invalid due to her sickness and the loss of her Inhuman powers.  Medusa the Snarks simply plan to kill and Gorgon seethe with rage at the thought of it.  

Elsewhere, Flint, Crystal and Swain are made comfortable as the guests of the Universal Inhumans.  Flint spares with the Centurian Inhuman known as Metallic Titanwhile Crystal makes small talk with the others.  Swain sits alone, afraid to commingle with others without Maximus there to mute her empathic abilities.  The vision of guilt that Ronan The Accuser had forced Swain to endure has shaken her confidence something terrible.  

Dara Ko Eke, the Universal Inhuman of the Badoon, notices how Swain has sequestered herself away from the others.  Dara goes to see what is troubling Swain and at first Swain mistake the gesture as a romantic ovation.  It’s emblematic of just how lost she feels.  She doesn’t trust her own powers and lives in constant fear that she might unwittingly coerce others into feeling what she wants them to feel (either on a conscious or unconscious level).  Panacea, Swain’s girlfriend back on earth, does not feel emotion in the same conventional way and this has made her immune to Swain’s influence.  Yet it is not without its drawbacks and a part of Swain wishes that Pan could reciprocate Swain’s love in a more mainstream/traditional fashion.  The encounter with Ronan has caused Swain to believe that a part of the reason why she accepted this mission tot he stars was to run away from her fears over her relationship with Pan.  

Meanwhile, Medusa, Maximus and Noh-Varr confer with the Queens of the Universal Inhumans.  These queens still do not fully trust their former sister-wife, Medusa, blaming her for turning her back on their king, Black Bolt.  Yet thew promise of learning more about the mysterious Sky Spears has superseded their suspicions.  One of these Sky Spears has come to NovaHalla, planting itself in the plains outside the city.  Its mystery continues to bedevil the Universal Inhumans.  One of their psychics had attempted to breach its secrets and it augmented his powers and took over his mind.  It held him, controlling his will to fend off others until he died of starvation.  Now only his skeleton remains behind.  

A series of glyphs line the structure of the spheres.  The writing is of a language that none have thus far been able to decipher or translate.  Yet there are a number of specific words that are familiar to the various races that compose the Universal Inhumans.  These are ancient terms from the origins of each species’ languages.   One such term beckons back to the older language of the Badoon and means ‘to look and find through experiment.’  There is another word from ancient Kymellian that means ‘seed’ or possibly ‘fruit.’  Medusa adds that there is also a word on the Spear that is ancient Tilan… a word that translates to ‘genocide.’  

With this, Medusa decides that she no longer has the time to play nice with the queens.  She presses a button on the chain that has kept Maximus leashed.  This seems to disengage a power dampener, offering Maximus full control over his psychic abilities.  

Maximus seizes the opportunity and exerts his will over the gathered Universal Inhumans.  At first he is unsure as to why Medusa has freed him, but it quickly becomes evident that their goals are aligned and Medusa can trust Maximus as long as they both want the same thing… namely, to decode the mystery of the Sky Spears and their connection to the Progenitors.    

While Maximus is indeed willing to do Medusa’s bidding, it doesn’t mean he is going to be nice about it.  He chooses to conduct a cruel experiment to further examine the parameters of the Sky Spear.  

Borrowing the telekinetic abilities of the Centurion queen, Oola, Maximus seizes Noh-Varr in a vice-like telekinetic grip.  Maximus notes that the sky spears have all been sent to places where there are Inhumans.  Plus they have recently learned that The Inhumans and The Kree share a commonality in that both races were artificially evolved by way of derivatives of Primagen.  Therefore, The Kree are also Inhuman of a kind.  Maximus tests this theory by throwing Noh-Varr against the spear.   Upon striking it, Noh-Varr’s body crackles with energy and he is riddles with agony… it would appear that Maximus’ hypothesis is correct.  Intriguing as it may be, Medusa is unamused by Maximus’ actions and it remains unclear if Noh-Varr has even survived.

The seven switches back to the amphitheater where the other members of the team are waiting.  Crystal has grown concerned over Gorgon’s prolonged absence.  Before she can investigate the matter, however, they are attacked by the Snarks and both the Royals and the members of the Light Brigade are quickly defeated and captured.  

They awaken imprisoned within crystal-like cells.  These crystals appear to have to do with the Snarks’ technology to steal superpowers.  They are like batteries in which the original hosts must be kept alive so that the various Snarks who wild the powers can periodically return to recharge.  This is all explained by Gorgon whose power has been taken from him.  It has left Gorgon devolved into a more human-like state, his goat-like legs replaced with regular human legs.  

And it is on this cliffhanger that the issue comes to an end.  

This issue was much more build up than I had expected it to be.  I’m so curious to learn the secrets of the Sky Spears that I found myself a bit irritated by meddling actions of the Snarks.  Plus the Royals and their comrades fell so quickly to the Snarks attack, it didn’t offer illustrator, Kevin Libranda a lot of space to show off his skills for depicting action.  Still, what the issue lacked in action it made up for in some pretty good character development, specifically for the two newest Inhumans, Swain and Flint.  

Swain’s situation is particularly intriguing and I’m very much enjoying the places Ewing’s script is going with her.  The story with Flint is still just getting started, but it’s interesting nonetheless.  Flint is pretty lost and looking for a place where he feels that he belongs.  He lost his adopted parents and his biological family was not what he had hoped for.  He had found something of a new family among the Inhumans, but it’s possible that the events of IvX has shaken his belief.  It would seem Flint has joined The Royals on this mission for reasons of his own, a hope to possibly find the sense of be longing that has so far evaded him.  I’m very much looking forward to seeing where this leads.  

There continue to be more questions than answers when it comes to The Sky Spears.  The mystery of it has been percolating ever since the Free Comic Book Day issue of Uncanny Inhumans.  Based on The Ultimates2, Ewing is not shy about going big in providing a resolution to long-building mysteries and I’m quite excited to learn whatever answers are providing in issue number nine.  Unfortunately, it also leaves me a bit impatient.  I sort of want all this Snarkwar business to hurry up and get out of the way so we can get to finding out more about The Progenitors.  

Libranda’s illustration and Jose Villarrubia’s colors continue to be a great match for the tenor of the story.  The art is asked to juggle a rather large number of characters and it manages it quite nicely, composing it all in a fashion that makes it come across as smooth, detailed while not overly-busy.  

All and all another fun issue. I might feel a bit impatient over wanting the plot to move forward, but focusing on character development is likely a wise decision.  The narrative has been so large in scope that it can inadvertently dwarf the characters so slowing down to more intently focus on the players is understandable move.  

Definitely recommended.  Three and half out of five Lockjaws.    

[dukeofriven]

FOOL: “By the Lord, fool, I am not mad.”— But do you remember? ‘Madam, why laugh you at such a barren rascal; an you smile not, he’s gagged?’ And thus the whirligig of time brings in his revenges. - Twelfth Night, 5.i For fuck’s sake. Let’s just, for the moment, set aside the utter horror of the event itself - the mourning, the agonies physical, mental, spiritual, the trauma that will afflict people for the rest of their lives. Let’s lay aside the secondary horrors, of everyone not ‘there’ who now has to process the event - the clean-up, the identification and cataloguing of the dead. Let’s set-aside the feelings of helplessness and gut-wrenching self-recrimination of people who will spend years blaming themselves for what happened - the ‘could have done betters’ the ‘why didn’t I realizes’ the ‘if only I acted fasters,’ because events like this are never singular in their trauma, they spread it in tendrils of loathing. Let’s set aside what we all know will happen next: ‘thoughts and prayers,’ a refusal to accept mass murder as a political statement and a demand not to politicize the event, the same Candide-esque, almost zen-like statements in support of a culture where sickening mass murder happens weekly and nobody does anything about it because why would you? America has more guns than people As Is Their Right and acting like there are consequences to that fact would be foolish or, worse, political. Let’s set aside the millstone of the second amendment - both the repeatedly fatal modern misinterpretation of its language and the broader, never-examined inability of a nation to even consider that it’s founding members might have erred in framing its legal foundations - either from bias, oversight, or simple failure to accurately predict the technological and social changes of the subsequent two and a half centuries. Let’s set aside the gross obscenity that is the Department of Homeland Security informing the public that is has uncovered no links to terrorism and that other venues are not at heightened risk - because if we examine that quote for even a second we come to the blood-chilling implication that the Las Vegas gunman didn’t need the financial backing of a nefarious terrorist organization to arm himself and carry-out an attack that killed 50 and injured 400+ people - he just needed to go to a store, and therefore all venues are at the same terrible, unpredictable risk of lunatics who are allowed to own 10 firearms with little oversight or scrutiny that they were yesterday as they are today, and will be again tomorrow, and the next day, and the day after that. Let’s even lay aside the fact that since the middle of last night every casino owner in Las Vegas has been locked in meetings with their business partners, lawyers, and accountants as they - almost paralyzed by blind panic - try and predict how this will affect revenue over the next six months and how they can best minimize the damage to their pocket books - because let’s not pretend that a corporate culture that was content to passively let people gamble their lives away is going to find a conscience when lives in the region are taken more actively. Let’s set all that aside because at the end of the day none of this is unique - if we neglected covering something in the litany of stark, sobering horrors above we shouldn’t worry: we’ll have another chance to mention it the next time the horror comes round. Even oh-so-edgy, truth-to-power, we-simply-must-change write-ups like this one are part of the process - a thousand came out after Orlando, a thousand came out after Sandy Hook, a thousand more will come out in the next few days, and they will all fall howling into the amaranthine void, having accomplished nothing. If Europe is place that cannot escape its past, America is a place that refuses to look directly at it, save through a mirror darkly. America is a place where pattern recognition is a mortal sin in the eyes of the political class. When the Challenger exploded the board of inquiry started asking a series of whys and hows - looking not only at the specific, technical failure that caused the shuttle to explode, but at the reasons for that failure in the first place: the culture of complacency, arrogance, and profit that existed within the institutions - NASA, Marshall, Morton Thikol - that had failed so badly to protect American lives. Whenever American society explodes, however - whenever the system fails to stop a madman from committing brutality and terror - you’re not allowed to ask more than one ‘why’ and one ‘how. “How did he do it” and “why”? The ‘how’ is always “he bought guns” and thank you, that’s all, no further questions. To examine the question further, to examine the culture that gets indignant at the thought of questioning gun ownership and the love and worship and appreciation of guns, is offensive, rude, ‘not the done thing.’ So let us set aside a cultural landscape where the act of social critique is far more disturbing and disloyal a trend then the weekly murder of the innocent en-masse. “America is full of responsible gun owners” the outraged will bristle, while doing nothing to address the fact that American guns owners are more consistently irresponsibly then any other nation on Earth not currently on the edge of or having collapsed, doing nothing to address the fact that America’s relationship to the consequence of mass gun ownership has no corresponding reflection anywhere else in the first world. ‘A few bad apples’ is the familiar refrain whether it is mass shootings or police brutality or sex crimes at fraternities - the annual, predictable harvest of bad apples is a quirk, an anomaly, and not a reflection that the orchard itself is not so much riddled with disease and sickness as it was seeded with toxic cultivars at the start; that these bad apples are the trees producing fruit as intended, that all of this is preventable if only anyone would actually tend to the orchard with a ruthlessness that would lead to tangible results. Let us set that all aside because it is a given - immutable, unchanging - and focus on the one thing in all of this sickening tragedy that is new, namely that this morning the president of the United States came within a heartbeat of sending the victims of senseless trauma his ‘warmest congratulations’ on the event of their being assaulted by a madman with guns. “Warmest condolences” isn’t a thing people should say - it’s some awful confabulation between ‘sincerest condolences’ and ‘warmest congratulations,’ born perhaps of confusion over the right thing to say in the moment. Culturally you’re allowed to be insincere with your congratulations, hence the intensifier of ‘I really mean it,’ but it’s gauche to be insincere when expressing sympathy. On any other day, with any other person, I would doubtless overlook it as a slip of the tongue. For all I know it is a regional difference and New Yorkers warmly offer condolences to one-another all the time - but after a week spent watching one Donald J. Trump repeatedly disrespect the mayor of a dying city he is failing to lend aid too, complain that football players are pussies for not putting themselves at greater risk of concussions for the entertainment of the masses, and cutting the legs out from under his chief diplomat for no other reason than he wants to seem like the biggest cock of the walk when it comes to nuclear war, I can only see this as one more example of a man whose lack of empathy takes my breath away. Donald Trump doesn’t know a thing about sympathy - but he knows what it sounds like when someone tells him how great he is, so that’s what he defaults too. That last little meaningless valediction - ‘God Bless You” - really sets my teeth on edge for it hollowness and vacuousness (coming as it does from a man who is his own god) but it’s that opening statement that is the most meaningless. (It is amazing how Donald J. Trump washes clean the sins of past presidents. How can we ever consider Nixon cold and unfeeling when compared to Trump? How can we feel that Regan’s rapidly deteriorating mental state made him unfit for the presidency when compared to Trump? How can Eisenhower, Kennedy, and LBJ choosing to mire America in the bloody charnel house of Vietnam rather than lose any face on the world stage seem nearly as bad when compared to Trump, taking the world to the edge of nuclear war for no greater reason than his infantile ego?) The panic, horror, and surreality of mass shooting have happened before. They will happen again. But now we are faced with a new element - sincerity so ineffectual, so insincere, so clearly forced that the national mourner-in-chief can not even find the humanity within himself to reflect upon the shocking, brutal loss of American lives in a way that makes any of this feel real. We have already become numb to mass shootings in American: are we now becoming indifferent? Is so little demanded of political leaders’ empathy and compassion that glimpses of grief - glimpses of the real people who inhabit the office - are surplus to requirements? The biggest mass shooting in American history happened last night, less than eighteen months after the previous biggest mass shooting in American history: in the time between the last great shooting and this one American has only gotten colder, more violent, and less caring. The trends above seem to go hand-in-glove with this new trend of a president who can shed only crocodile tears. How long before his incapacity finishes trickling down to the rest of them? How long before they stop acting like they should care? How long before we stop expecting them? How long before the next mass shooting becomes like the next drunk-driver crashing on the highway - beneath the notice of the great and powerful? After all, it happens every day - and it’s not like we can do anything about it. It is The Way Things Are.

[ashleighxx]

Sacrifice

A very belated birthday gift for the amazing ABBY! @3tinkgemini

No babies, very vaguely TO canon events, skewered into my own vision :D

Klaus missed her.

Tremendously.

He hadn’t seen the blonde baby vampire in person since they destroyed a few trees in the woods on the Salvatore property, and God did he miss her. Not even sketching her curves, painting her soft, pale skin could do her justice anymore. He struggled to match the exact shade of blue in her eyes, and he could never capture her light just right anyway. He had been living in New Orleans for over a year now and the mini war over being King had distracted him from his thoughts of her for a while, of his longing. He wasn't celibate by no means, not when he knew she would put her heart and soul into each relationship she would have until she finally came to him.

If she ever did.

He had taken a few blondes to bed over the past months, imagining it was her body writhing underneath him, her blonde curls he saw, her name that he had to bite his tongue from growling out in ecstasy and once he couldn't stand the torture of visioning her in his dreams it was blonde's he craved to sink his teeth into, to punish. If not for his promise of never setting foot back into Mystic Falls, he would have moved back there in an instant. If not for him letting her know he would be in New Orleans should she need him, he would have fled the States all together. To keep her tempting presence away, if only in miles.

But for now, New Orleans and the Mikaelsons had a new drama to attend to, so Klaus had to shove his thoughts and feelings of his love back into the small space of his heart that beat.

Beat only for her.

Klaus held a council meeting at his home in the abattoir in lieu of recent events. He gathered, along with his siblings, the key players of the supernaturals in New Orleans. Marcel, the head of vampires now that Klaus won the city and became King. Hayley, head of the werewolf pack in the bayou, the same woman he sent to Louisiana a few weeks before he ventured into the French Quarter courtesy of Katerina Petrova’s informative letter. The regent of the nine covens of New Orleans, Josephine LaRue and Camille O'Connell, whom took over the human faction in the wake of her uncle, Father Kieran's, death.

A few days prior, Klaus was looking around the bayou searching around for a source of suspicious deaths. Some vampires and wolves have been found drained, another vampire, by the looks of the markings. But scooping out an abandoned warehouse, Klaus ran into something, or someone, who shocked and scared him to his core, even if he tried to mask it.

Mikael.

The Destroyer, whom was supposed to have still been dead, stood in the centre of the building, and had it not been for the brave bartender Cami saving him, Klaus had nearly died at the hands of his father.

Fighting with Mikael, intending to disable him from life until he locked him up, Klaus was presented with the missing white oak stake, close to his very own undead heart. He understood the game Mikael was playing with him, he was taunting him, playing with his prey as he had the opportunity not to miss but Mikael redirected the wood as close to his target as possible. Cami, who Klaus explicitly had told to stay outside while he went in to survey the presence he felt inside, came rushing in to the scene. Klaus lying in agony on the cold concrete, his own blood pooling from his body, with Mikael stood above him, looking down in a hatred.

She screamed as she saw the stake in Klaus’ chest and distracted Mikael enough for him to remove the white oak. He looked up at the man who both raised and then hunted him to attack, but he paused as he saw the eyes that used to, and still does, haunt him, look at the blonde bartender curiously. Klaus thought he was going to attack her, so he attempted to stand up and protect her. But Mikael’s eyes turned from contemplation to realisation before he flashed and sent Klaus careening backwards with force and he flew backwards into rubble and vanished.

Along with the indestructible white oak stake.

He hadn't been seen since, and no deaths had popped in either which was really concerning the Mikaelson family. Had it not been for Cami seeing the other man, Klaus could have sworn it be another nightmare. But the truth was, Mikael was alive and someone had raised him from the dead to destroy the family. Destroy him. He needed to find both Mikael and the witch who was stupid enough to bring him back quick.

After a few discussions with his siblings and the three of them trying their best to scour New Orleans apart looking for their father, Elijah had suggested to call a meeting with the other factions. It could help keep them safe from the destroyer, and with Marcel's knowledge of the beast that forced them to flee from the very city they reside in now, could help plea for the witches to help track him down and aid them.

The wolves and vampires were really concerned about the recent deaths and Klaus wanted to explain to them about what he had discovered, but the witch Josephine had some concerning news of her own. She had recently discovered an imbalance of power in the coven the Deveraux's were in charge of before they had died. Since the harvest girls had been revived, and the elder ancestors back to where they came from after Davina’s final sacrifice, the power had shifted dramatically. Josephine tried to explain the anomaly of it all, that the other covens magic was perfectly fine, that after the harvest their powers had come back as they should and now they were trying to figure out what was affecting the other coven but reluctantly needed advice from the Originals, whom may have the necessary knowledge they needed to put things back to normal.

Before Klaus was about to reply, the abattoir gates had been swung and crashed into the walls, shaking them under the force, chunks of plaster falling onto the floor.

“How lovely of you to gather a crowd to watch me end your weak and pathetic life, boy!” Mikael's voice vibrated around the room, sending shivers up Klaus’ spine. He knew his father couldn't take him down, not with the help of his siblings, but Klaus was more concerned for their safety though. The stake was indestructible, so if he did meet his demise, what would stop him from going after Elijah, or Rebekah.

His own flesh and blood.

Klaus turned around to face his brother to tell him to take their sister far away from the man who tore through towns and villages tracking them down, but his feet dragged toward the brunette walking in, head down to the floor with a cloak covering most of her face, chanting lowly.

He heard Elijah flash to assist him, but heard him crash back on the floor straight after. The others were being blocked away from him.

“What is the meaning of this father?” Elijah questioned him a he dusted off his suit.

Klaus growled once he saw who was under the black, velvet, hooded cape. "Davina?!" Marcel gasped, shocked, stood up from his chair to make his way towards her. The barrier cutting him off from getting too close. "What are you doing?" "It's okay Marcel. I unlinked Klaus from his bloodline." She spoke up. "You won't die along with him." "But D...." "It's going to happen Marcel, whether you like it or not. There's no stopping this. His family have ruined New Orleans." Davina cut Marcel off.

“And what make you think you two can defeat me old man?” Klaus snarled at the older man.

“Oh Niklaus, how foolish of you.” Mikael started laughing. “You see this one over here,” he swung his arm pointing at Cami, “had me fooled I must admit. I thought she had followed you down here. That is until I looked closely.”

Everyone looked at him in confusion, pure dread was filling Klaus. He knew where this was heading. Praying he was wrong, praying to every deity he deemed nonexistent that she was not here. Not at the mercy of Mikael. “I have no idea what you mean.” He chuckled, feigning ignorance, but it wouldn't, and never fooled Mikael.

“What I mean is, your blonde is a vampire, not a human.” He replied cocky, causing Klaus to swallow his fear down. “Her blood is quite exquisite…” Mikael tried to tease Klaus. It worked too. Klaus growled at his father and tried to flash over to him before Davina stopped him. Klaus dropped to the floor in agony as the witch was giving him an aneurysm, his hands gripping onto the side of his head. “That’s what I thought.” Mikael taunted him. “Come on in, sweetheart.”  

The blonde woman who appeared in his dreams, and whom he wished he could see, walked into the courtyard, striding past Davina to stand right next to Mikael. Her steps were her usual confidence mixed in with a slight tremor of hesitation. Her bright blue eyes had the light dimmed, blank under the hazy compulsion that was present. Hate filled the depths of her eyes. Klaus wanted nothing more than to remove it from them, but he supposed it was better than fear. Caroline would never show that kind of weakness.

Just like him.

That was one of the reasons of what he meant by they were the same.

Mikael reached out to touch one of Caroline’s curls, causing her to hiss at him the exact same time Klaus couldn't contain a possessive growl.

“You know what you have to do don’t you?”

“Stab Klaus through the heart with the white oak stake. Do everything I can to kill him. Even if it kills me.” Caroline voiced her command in the usual monotone of compulsion. She took the stake from he hand and she turned to look at Klaus.

Davina had stopped giving Klaus an aneurysm a little while back, but he was too blinded but his emotional pain of seeing Caroline became his father's lap dog to notice.

“Nik…” he heard his sister's whispered anguish for him. Caroline used this opportunity to flash over to him, but he was too quick for her, moving away from her when every part of him wished her to be near. “What’s to stop me from breaking her little neck and killing you with the stake instead?” Klaus asked Mikael.

Mikael responded by taking a dagger from behind him and cutting into his hand, Caroline flinching and hissing in pain long with the incision. “I had the with to link my life with hers. If I die, then so does she.”

The situation dawning on both Klaus and Caroline, little sparks of fear and concern flowed through their eyes before they masked it at the same time.

Caroline kept flashing over to him while Klaus stepped away and intercepted her move. He was obviously stronger than her, and he kept his distance away from Mikael too. She was just about to flash to him before her eyes turned to determination, she suddenly stopped halfway and flung herself away from Klaus.

“What are you doing girl?” Mikael shouted.

She done it again, and again, and again.

Each time she flashed towards him, she would force herself away from him in turn.

Caroline was trying to resist the compulsion placed on her, tried to help save him. This beautiful, stunning creature was trying to her best to save them. Klaus hadn't seen this happen before.

No. He thought. Stefan had resisted his compulsion because of his love for Elena. Maybe she… No she wouldn't… Couldn’t… Not him... Not yet.

"Kill him! NOW!" Mikael roared his command, sensing Klaus’ distraction. Caroline hurdled herself from her position by the stairs across the room and tackled Klaus, unable to refuse the unrelenting compulsion. The pair tumbled around and Caroline ended up sat on top, the hybrid tucked in between her thighs. Klaus looked up and the glorious woman. Any other time he would relish to be in this position with her.

Struggling with the compulsion, Caroline couldn't help but to bring her shaky hands downwards towards Klaus' chest, regaining enough control to move it and tearing the flesh into her own leg at the last second. She bit back the cries of pain as she heard an echo cry behind her. Spinning her head around she noticed Mikael's own leg bleeding in sync with her own. Her life wasn't just linked to his, but his with hers. Caroline stared into Klaus' confused eyes and whispered, "Tell my mum I love her." His eyes flashed to his father and back at hers in fear and recognition. "And Klaus? I do love you." Her voice broke as she tore the stake out of her leg and aimed for her own undead heart. Klaus, the most powerful person in the world, hadn't felt this powerless since he was human, since he watched the wolves tear into his youngest brothers flesh. And now he felt the same paralysing fear watching the woman he loved turn a stake intended for him on herself. He felt as if he was watching the scene before him in slow motion, his hand couldn't get to her fast enough. The wooden weapon was just about to pierce her pale skin when her neck twisted sharply to the left, and echo of another neck snapping following and a thud as a body dropped to the floor, but Klaus was busy catching Caroline before she fell and grabbed the offending weapon out of her hands. He sat up, slowly cradling her lifeless body but still undead, thankfully.

“What the hell Kaleb?” Davina shouted at the newcomer, but Klaus couldn't take his eyes off Caroline. Off her soft, pale skin of her neck being in such an unnatural state. How she should never have had to be hurt like this.

Never again, he vowed. “Not Kaleb, darling.” He replied, which piqued Klaus’s interest to glance up at the man who dared enter his home. A young man, warlock, from the aura that surrounded him.

“What do you mean you're not Kaleb? And what have you done to me? I cant use my powers.”

“I had to block your powers for a bit, darling. They should come back when you're ready to undo that link on my father from that tasty little thing.”

Davina stepped back away from him, confused as to who he was. ”Then who are you?”

The young man bowed dramatically with a smirk, a hint of mischief in his eyes which was so similar to… but it couldn't be, Klaus thought. “Kol Mikaelson at your service.”

REVIEW HERE

[ask-frederick]

[Fates Rewritten - A Retelling of FE:F]

(All right, this is just a fan rewrite that came from some general discontent with how Fates was handled. I’ll have gone through a couple drafts of this before I’ll be satisfied enough with how it turned out to post it. If you guys like this, show your support and I’ll post chapter summaries for each route sometime in the future! Thanks for reading!)

Introduction

Ten years ago, the kingdoms of Hoshido and Nohr coexisted peacefully. Though Nohr’s lands were harsh and desolate, their mineral resources, traditional magic, and famous craftsmen made them a world power. Conversely, the bountiful Hoshido enjoyed plentiful harvests and more spiritual magic, rooted in their connection with the spirits of nature (i.e. Shintoism). Hoshido and Nohr relied on one another for the resources their nations lacked, and there was a long-lived peace between them.

This harmony would come to end when King Garon invited King Sumeragi to a trade summit in Cheve. At the summit, tensions rose when a Nohrian religious leader (Iago) accused Sumeragi’s young child, Corrin, of being an unholy threat to the gods. Sumeragi tried to defend his child, but was abruptly slain by a Nohrian soldier (Hans). When the religious leader begged his king to kill the child as well, Garon could stand no more bloodshed and spared the child’s life instead.

In the weeks that followed, Hoshido retaliated. On the advice of Hoshido’s lead strategist (Yukimura), ninja were sent to break into Castle Krakenburg to kidnap Princess Azura. While this was to be a bloodless abduction, a Mokushujin ninja (Kotaro) murdered Queen Arete when she refused to give up her daughter. This sparked outrage in Nohr, and the two nations teetered on the brink of war until Queen Mikoto of Hoshido offered terms of peace. Hostilities between the two nations were to cease, and the kidnapped children would remain in opposite nations, raised in safety so long as peace was maintained.

In the present, Corrin has come of age and hopes to prove his/her worth. Trade between the two nations has slowed down, and relations are at a breaking point. After completing a trial, Corrin is sent to treat with a Hoshidan minister at the border between the two nations. This sets in motion the events of the game.

Character Differences

Garon - Instead of an overt villain, Garon is a very reluctant one. He is a doting father to his children, and guides Corrin kindly and fairly, even regarding him/her as his own. Unfortunately, he will gradually become more and more beholden to his faith as things get worse in Nohr. This may lead him to compromise his morals if he believes his god wills it. Garon will serve as the penultimate boss in Birthright, fighting Corrin and the forces of Hoshido to defend Nohr.

Mikoto - Instead of the angelic figure we’re given in Fates, Mikoto is a conflicted and tired woman. She values peace and loves her people sincerely, but longs for her child to return home and may be forced to go to extremes to make that happen. She will be murdered by Yukimura in Conquest. 

Iago - Instead of the ineffective advisor to King Garon, Iago is Nohr’s spiritual leader and secretly a priest of Anankos. He manipulates Garon to his master’s ends, claiming that the actions Garon takes are divinely inspired. Has an uneasy relationship with Corrin in Conquest, often undermining Corrin’s efforts to lessen the damage of the invasion. Sacrifices himself as a vessel for the ‘Dusk Dragon’ in Birthright.

Hans - In contrast to his appearance in Fates, Hans is a general of the Nohrian army and close friend of Xander. He appears amiable and larger than life, but ultimately answers to Iago.

Yukimura - Replacing the soft-spoken strategist from Fates, Yukimura is a subtle manipulator. Mikoto tends to lean on his council, and Yukimura takes advantage of this to escalate tensions between Hoshido and Nohr. Secretly an agent of Anankos, and the penultimate boss in Conquest. His corpse will later be used as a vessel for the ‘Dawn Dragon’. Has a seemingly amiable relationship with Corrin and the Hoshidan royals in Birthright, acting like a guardian to them in place of their slain father.

Kotaro - Adding to his role in Fates, Kotaro is even more reprehensible. He is seemingly a strong supporter of the Hoshidan royal family, even working together with Saizo and Kagero, but has his own agenda. Yukimura promised him power in exchange for his cooperation, and he is all to happy to accept.

Anankos - Instead of the Silent Dragon who only appeared in Revelation, Anankos appears in all three versions as the manipulator behind the enemy’s lines. Anankos appears as the Dusk Dragon in Birthright, and the Dawn Dragon in Conquest. Though he is defeated in both routes, his vessels will die in his place.

Corrin - Raised as a Nohrian Prince/Princess alongside Xander, Camilla, Leo, and Elise, Corrin has a deep bond with their foster family. This extends to Garon as well, who has always tried to treat Corrin fairly, even schooling him/her in diplomacy and warfare. Conversely, Corrin is aware that he/she is not of Nohr and longs to know his/her origins. The Hoshidan royals will take to Corrin at their own rates, but Mikoto plays a much bigger role in Corrin’s life and possible decision to side with Hoshido.

Azura - Though she’s a bit like she is portrayed in Fates, is generally more quiet and secretive, acting apprehensive around most. Her introversion mainly comes from her awareness that there are Vallite agents actively trying to kill her. As such, she is very close with the Hoshidan royals, who she has come to look to for protection. Over the course of the story, she will overcome her quietness and start to come into her own.

Xander - Because Garon is no longer wholly evil, Xander’s loyalty to his father is much more understandable. He is also shown to be a bit less pressured as a crown prince of Nohr.

Ryoma - Because Mikoto is still alive during the events of the game, Ryoma’s adherence to bushido is allowed to be explored in his interactions with his family. 

Takumi - While more or less the same as he is depicted in Fates, Takumi does not get possessed in any version of the game, and is instead hexed to die in agony. If the player sides with Hoshido, Azura is allowed to dispel the curse from him and he joins as he does in Fates. If the player sides with Nohr, his condition will deteriorate until his death at the Great Wall of Suzanoh, which is a mercy killing on Corrin’s part.

Plot Points

Crux of Fate - Corrin’s decision to join either Hoshido or Nohr will be allowed to happen without the catalyst of Mikoto’s death. Corrin will be allowed to spend more time with his/her mother and get to know her better, making the decision to leave a bit more impactful. If Corrin chooses Hoshido, they will get to have a relationship with their mother and step siblings. This will eventually see Mikoto shedding a lot of her stress and anxiety, while Garon becomes more religiously zealous. If Corrin chooses Nohr, Mikoto will slip further into despair and desperation, but Garon will begin to shake the grasp that Iago and the faith have on him.

The Curse of Silence - Instead of an arbitrary rule that makes people disappear for mentioning Valla, the curse takes a more tangible form in the shape of each nation’s manipulators and those loyal to them. Azura doesn’t dare speak of Valla because she is aware of the threat against her life by those around her. In choosing to side with Hoshido or Nohr, Azura dooms herself to these threats and will eventually perish by the end of each route (except Revelation). This law of silence also applies to Laslow, Odin, and Selena, who directly come to clash with Iago.

The Yato and Other Holy Weapons - Unlike in Fates, the Yato is mentioned early on as a weapon forged by the gods to keep them in check. Corrin’s ability to wield it is seen as Iago’s prophecy coming to fruition, leading many like Garon to believe that Corrin seeks to destroy their nation’s hope. Siegfried, Brynhildr, Raijinto, and the Fujin Yumi each have the potential to unlock Yato’s power (like in Fates), but they rely on their wielder’s bond with Corrin. This will make it important for Corrin to gain supports with their siblings by certain chapters in the game.

Azura and the Bottomless Canyon -  Azura’s powers are limited outside of Valla, but they still take a physical toll on her. Her song cannot calm others to the same extent that it does in Fates, but it can dispel Vallite curses so long as the effected persons are being cursed against their will. Her pendant serves as a key to Valla, which can only be used in the river running through the Bottomless Canyon (which is feared by people of both nations not for being bottomless, but haunted). Water plays a larger role in Azura’s powers, as her song tends to take less of a toll on her in wetter places like Cyrkensia.

Betrayal - Loyalty and betrayal are staples of the Fire Emblem franchise, and they will be exercised as much as ever here. Allied units, NPCs, and even playable characters can be suspect, and every character will have their loyalty tested at some point in the story, providing they survive long enough.

The Routes

Birthright - If Corrin chooses to side with Hoshido, the game will largely focus on Corrin’s efforts to defend Hoshido from threats, both foreign and internal. Azura will be less vocal in this route, supporting Corrin’s actions with more apprehension than she would in Conquest. As the Nohrian invasion is repelled and some internal threats are defeated, Corrin decides to confront Garon about his religion to put an end to the violence. This route will be more along the lines of a traditional Fire Emblem game, featuring mainly route and defeat the commander objectives. Units will have good starting stats and growth rates, though players will be encouraged to manage their resources well as gold will be less available in this route.

Conquest - If Corrin chooses to side with Nohr, the game will focus on Corrin’s efforts to restructure Nohr from within and mitigate the damage of the Nohrian invasion. Azura will try to play a more vocal role in this route, but comes to clash with Iago. Valla will be briefly touched on in this route, but never explored to the extent that it is in the original. As Hoshido falls, Corrin will try to reconcile with their mother and come to terms with the damage that has been done. This route will feature more seize and defend maps than Birthright, and units will have slightly lower starting stats and growth rates (to show how famine is affecting the Nohrians). Gold and weapons are more available in this game, which may even things out a bit.

Revelation - If Corrin refuses to choose a side, the game will focus on Corrin and Azura trying to fight for enough freedom to discuss the true cause of the war. This will lead them to the Bottomless Canyon and back, where they will attempt to recruit their siblings to take a stand against Anankos. Both nations’ manipulators will come down hard on Corrin’s army, making this the most difficult route in the game. New challenges include three-sided battles, more survival and defense maps, more creative use of Dragon Veins, and more out of battle decisions that the player must make that will impact the events of the game. While it is possible to save both Garon and Mikoto in this route, the player will have to make the right choices.

[tabletoptrinketsbyjj]

Random Battle Cries, 5: Whether they’re warcries, taunts, calls to arms, rebel yells, rallying cries, or just offensive trash talk, the existence of battle related chants, shouts and songs are timeless. They can be simplistic and bone chilling, complex and inspiring or primal wordless screams of rage that shakes the enemy down to their iron-shod boots. PC’s can be defined by their words as much as their deeds and their last message to an enemy as battle commences can reveal who they truly are. Finding the perfect phrase for a unique and beloved character can be difficult and having several to choose from can be a quest in itself. Similarly, DM’s can become hard pressed to come up with new and inventive battle cries for enemies to shout just before initiative is rolled. This table is a collection of simple phrases, threats, insults and violent promises for creatures to yell before and during combat to add verbal spice to each attack. —Note: The phrasing for these are copied from their original sources the way they were written (I, Me, We, Him, Man, etc), and a player or DM should change the tenses to best suit the situation.

Another Corpse For The Battlefield!

Bring The Noise!

Dance With Me Death, For I Am Ready!

Die Without Fear!

Get Wrecked!

I Am The Messenger!

I Have Foreseen Your Defeat!

I Have No Rivals!

I Will Boil Your Teeth!

I'm Going To Cut Your Heart Out With A Spoon!

—Keep reading for 90 more battle cries.

—Note: The previous 10 battle cries are repeated for easier rolling on a d100.

Another Corpse For The Battlefield!

Bring The Noise!

Dance With Me Death, For I Am Ready!

Die Without Fear!

Get Wrecked!

I Am The Messenger!

I Have Foreseen Your Defeat!

I Have No Rivals!

I Will Boil Your Teeth!

I'm Going To Cut Your Heart Out With A Spoon!

I'm Gonna Harvest Your Toes!

Kill You!

My Hunger Shall Not Be Satisfied!

No Hell, No Heaven, Only This! 

Only Pain Awaits You!

Our Time Has Come!

Rip And Tear!

Run Them Through!

So It Begins!

Think You Can Take Me?!

This Is My Absolution!

This Is No Challenge!

This Is The Ground You'll Die On!

This Must Be Done!

This Violence Shall Amuse!

This Will Be A Slaughter!

This Will Be Reckoning!

This Will Only Dull My Blade.

This Will Only Hurt... A Lot!

This Won't Take Long!

Time To End This!

Time To Get Our Hands Dirty!

Time To Strike!

Trample Their Bones!

Treasure Your Final Moments!

Try To Die With Dignity!

Violence Is My First Language!

Weapons Are For The Weak!

What Delightful Agony I Shall Inflict!

Where Are Your Gods Now?!

Where Is Your God Now?!

Who Wants A Piece Of This?!

Who's Next On The Chopping Block?!

Who’s First?!

Whose Head Shall I Take?!

Witness True Strength!

Writhe, Like A Worm On A Hook!

You Are Forsaken!

You Are Merely Dust!

You Are Not Prepared!

You Are Nothing Before Me!

You Dare Oppose Me?!

You Defile The Green!

You Deserve This!

You Don’t Stand A Chance!

You Seem Like A Decent Fellow I Hate To Kill You.

You Shall Not Escape!

You Should've Walked Away!

You Stink Of Fear!

You Will Be Purified!

You Will Die And No One Will Mourn!

You Will Feel Pain Like You’ve Never Imagined!

You Will Learn Your Place!

You Will Never Suffer Enough!

You Won't Feel A Thing!

You Won't Win This!

You Won’t Get Back What I Take!

You Wont Be The Last!

You Would Fight Me?! Come, Let Me Show You Hell!

You'll Be Cleansed In The Hellfire!

You'll Choke On Your Screams!

You'll Pay For Your Heresy!

You'll Rue This Day!

You've Seen Your Last Sunrise!

You’ll Die A Fool!

You’re A Waste Of Mana!

You’re A Waste Of My Arrows!

You’re Mine Now!

You’re Not Even Worth A Notch On My Blade!

You’re Not Worth The Sweat!

You’ve Earned Your Fate!

You’ve Forced My Hand!

Your Bones Will Pave My Road To Glory!

Your Death Awaits!

Your Death Has Been Ordained!

Your Death Serves A Greater Purpose!

Your Death Will Be Excruciating!

Your Death Will Only Feed My Rage!

Your Demise Beckons!

Your Fate Cannot Be Avoided!

Your Fear Is Wise!

Your Form Is Weak!

Your Head Will Adorn My Wall!

Your Legacy Shall Drift Away, Blown Into Eternity Like The Sands Of The Desert!

Your Pleas For Death Shall Go Unheard!

Your Reckoning Has Come!

Your Screams Thrill Me!

Your Souls Will Feed The Void!

Your Time Has Passed!

Your Twisted Ways Must Be Stopped!

[edh-a-to-z]

9 - Akuta, Born of Ash

 Back to Kamigawa. The thrift shop of MtG commanders.

Why a thrift shop? Because it’s the perfect metaphor. Sometimes you find a kick-butt leather jacket - like Azusa, Lost but Seeking. Other times you find a shirt with a unspeakable, unidentifiable stain - finds like those are like Akuta.

Akuta is born of trash. Belongs on the ash heap. Born of ash is apt description.

There are vanilla Legends era cards that are better, because at least you can use more than one color. A commander in one color with a weak or unplayable ability/uses (good luck getting Phage into play) is less useful than having the card options of two colors, and prevents getting locked out by Iona and other color controlling effects.

Now that I have railed mightily against the trash that is these sub-par wastes of Legendary cardboard, I will propose my solution - for each of these commanders I deem “lesser,” I will do a guild/shard/mono build for them. For commanders that match them, I will link (for example, for Ashling, the Extinguisher, another monoblack creature) this Akuta build, as it may be a decent black build.

LORE: Bupkis. Nada. Zilch.

Akuta is not mentioned in any flavor text. It does not have any flavor text. Thematically, it’s included in Critical Mass theme deck from Kamigawa built around the Wisdom semi-mechanic, but there’s no lore with it. 

As a character, it’s noted as “a legendary kami of ashes and ruin.” Which adds ruin to its description, I guess. 

Fittingly, no lore for an unloved creature.

THE CARD:

A card born for the wisdom mechanic, and a decently hastey creature meant to be thrown into melee. A Haste 3/2 for 2BB with restricted recursion isn’t the worst, but lets me understand why Kamigawa seems to be the most disliked block of all time.

As a commander, Akuta lets you pick how you want to get him back - from the command zone or by fulfilling its bizarre recursion criteria. A corner case, yes, but technically it allows more option. So I guess it’s better than a 3/2 with haste and nothing else. At least all you needed to do was sac a swamp.

BUILDS:

Since Akuta loves swamps so much, we are going to have a fun build today - wisdom and swamps!

A lot of monoblack cards care about swamps, and the number of swamps you have, or can make other lands swamps, which is nice if your creatures have swampwalk (hello Filth!).

The other hand is Wisdom - Kamigawa’s mechanic that rewards durdling. Black had powerful draw, so lets make sure our hand is full if we want to keep using Akuta.

So Akuta lets forces you to play monoblack. As the first, we have Gimmick Swamp!

BATTLE PLAN:

We like swamps. We like them a lot.

First, lets makes sure we have them!

(1) Getting Swamps

Our landbase is basically all swamps + Utility land, so manabase is easy.

I have a soft spot for Corpse Harvester, sac’ing token Zombies and getting better ones and hitting land drops (or having lands for discard effects) is good.

Liliana of the Dark Realms, Liliana’s Shade, plus any effects looking for Basic Lands or Swampcycling (any Basic Land/Swamp effect, really) makes sure we have lots of swamps.

(2) Making other things into swamps

We’re riding this Swamp Horse to the ground folks.

It’s not enough for us to have swamps. We’re gonna do the ol’ Swamps and Swampwalk. 

For that we want Urborg, Tomb of Yawgmoth, Blanket of Night, Contaminated Ground, Cyclopean Giant, Evil Presence, and Tainted Well. This doesn’t quite add up to 8 (as per the 8 by 8 theory of deck building), but mono blacks kick-butt tutors help in this department. 

(3) Using Swamps

Now that we’ve hit our swamps, what do we do with them?

Strands of Night lets you bring anything back for a bit of life, a bit of mana, and sac a swamp. There’s also Lake of the Dead, letting you squeeze out BBBBB out of a single swamp. 

Guul Draz Overseer buffs your team whenever a Swamp hits the ground (hooray Landfall!), Corrupt can hit for 8-12 for a big life swing (or targeted removal), and Tendrils of Agony is just removal. Quag Sickness is good removal. Snuff Out is Doom Blade for 4 life instead of mana, Nightmare Lash and Lashwrithe are Swampy equipments. Plus, Shade style creatures love Swamps to pump them up.

Nightmare Incursion is a punch in the face to the combo player. Backup pieces? What backup pieces? Mutilate is a Swampy board wipe - when it drops on turn 5, you’ll probably have at least 4 Swamps, so it’s a Languish that keeps getting better.

(4) (Swamp) Walk Like an Egyptian

Obligatory Amonkhet pun. 

Now that everything is nice and swampy, get walking. Unblockable damage isn’t flashy, but it’s effective. There’s generic standbys like Bog Wraith and Moor Fiend which are Hill Giants with upside. Not great, but fun for the theme of swamp. Blistergrub is a little more interesting, but pretty small. Sewerdreg is a bad body with a niche ability, Odylic Wraith is actually interesting (discard when it gets through), Whispering Shade is a pumpable swampwalker. 

A big payoff for swampwalkers is effects with “when creature deals damage to player,” like Larceny. Cipher cards, from Dimir guild in Ravnica 2.0, lets creatures that have a spell encoded on them fire off the spell again. With unblockable swampwalkers, this goes from total gimmick to interesting gimmick - so look for Undercity Plague and Mental Vapors for swampwalk synergy. 

(5) Other fun Swamp toys

Genju of the Fens is a fun Shade to have that keeps coming back. Bubbling Muck is a nice Swamp mana bloom.

Nirkana Revenant is pulling double duty - Shade plus Swampy doubling, as does Crypt Ghast. Magus of the Coffers and Cabal Coffers are great for pumping out mana. There’s always the monocolored favorite Nightmare, and Leech Ridden Swamp and Everglades like swamps, as does Fendeep Summoner. 

THE REST:

With mono colored decks, devotion is a good option. Additionally, you can run spells with high colored mana costs (I’m looking at you, Phyrexian Obliterator) without worrying about mana fixing.

A short list to look at is any permanent with at least BBB - so we’re looking at Baleful Force, Baneful Omen, Shambling Swarm, Vengeful Pharaoh, Necropolis Regent, Cabal Patriarch, Uncle Istvan (for the meme!), Dread, Demon of Dark Schemes, Massacre Wurm, and Reaper from the Abyss. Don’t just add anything - crap like Cosmic Horror or Halo Hunter aren’t worth the card slots for extra black mana costs.

Once you have some serious B on the board, you can look into Devotion. Monoblack devotion was all the rage in Theros era standard - Gary, Aborrent Overlord (with some sac outlet to play with all the tokens), Erebos, Mogis’s Marauder, and Disciple of Phenax. 

Additionally, Akuta needs cards in hand to be used (Kamigawa loved wisdom too much for it’s own good), so have Ancient Craving and things that look like it.

WEAKNESSES:

Your commander is garbage. And mono color provides you with less options than not being mono colored. The fact that Akuta is better than commanders with no options that are monocolored doesn’t matter - being better than trash doesn’t make you acceptable.

With that in mind, our mono-black brew here isn’t powerful either. This is an exercise in deckbuilding - how can I work with limitations?

Weak commander, one color, and a gimmicky brew spell fun, but not power.

RATINGS:

Control: 2/10

hahahahahahahahah no

I mean sure, go monoblack control if you want, but Akuta isn’t exactly going to help. Monoblack can do it on it’s own with or without Akuta, and if you’re going to do that, you may as well play anything else.

Diplomacy: 2/10

hahahahahahhahhahhaha still no

I guess people may not kill you first because they’re laughing at your commander. Leverage that, I guess?

Aggro: 4/10

A necessity. Maybe some voltron that relies on your commander to keep coming back?

Overall Power: 1/10

The ability to come back isn’t unique in EDH (which has the command zone and tons of possible recursion), so Akuta’s ability isn’t as useful here.

Versatility: 9/10

Because you don’t build around the commander, you can do whatever mono color build you want. More of a technicality than usefulness.

Affordability: 3/10

The build I’ve listed isn’t exactly budget - a lot of the more powerful cards are pricey, and Akuta needs to be a money sink just to be decent.

Overall Score: 21/60

That’s Akuta on the left. On the right is, I don’t know, any given bear.

I’ve never scored a commander so low. I’ve never made a “tech” this gimmicky. I’ve never wanted to not use a commander like this.

One of the 99: 

I can’t even think of a deck that wants it. Maybe a Golgari brew that can play with Titania and Jarad, but then

FINAL VERDICT:

Just don’t.

Up next is Alesha, Who Smiles at Death. Thank heaven. I’ll be doing a budget design with her.